#-punches the wall- The law is to blame!!!! Not her!!!!

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (March 17/2021) - Ranboo’s Story

Everyone is building on the Dream SMP today. Phil works on his projects in the Arctic, Foolish continues construction on the massive mansion, Niki works on her underground city.

Ranboo takes some time to do something else: tell his entire story as it stands so far, in preparation for what’s to come.

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VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Hbomb94

Foolish

Tubbo

Philza

Ranboo

Hannah

Niki

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- Ponk meets Niki at the Community House. She notices his red eyes.

- Niki leads Ponk to her haven city for a tour. Ponk thinks it’s a pyramid scheme. Maybe a cult.

- Ponk asks if there’s a jail in this city.What happens if someone does something bad? Niki explains that they just get thrown out. She’s friends with some powerful people.

Ponk: “Look. With friends come conflict, Niki. Just remember that. Wilbur was Tommy’s friend, look what happened! ...So I’d be careful who you trust. But I may be coming back here soon, maybe to join you.”

- Ponk says his goodbyes and leaves the city. Definitely a cult. 

- Tubbo visits Michael and decides to plan out what rooms he wants for the mansion. He speaks with Foolish to discuss the layout.

- Tubbo and Foolish work on the mansion

- Hbomb logs in and chats with Niki as she works on the underground city.

- Phil works on the Syndicate room.

- Ranboo shows Phil the infested stone he collected

- Quackity whispers to Phil “Look Gorgious” and leaves

- Phil keeps working. Foolish calls him over to Snowchester.

- Foolish tells Phil the mansion is for Michael and Phil points out Michael is tiny.

- Foolish shows him the list of requests

- Phil gives Foolish “fool’s gold” (honey)

- Phil visits Foolish and puts on his canonical glasses (shaders)

- They go back to the Prime Path and put on creeper heads to become Sam.

- They briefly visit L’manhole and Phil tells Foolish he used to live there.

- They go scouting around Eret’s castle and then head back to the Arctic.

- Before Foolish can come into Phil and Techno’s territory, Phil asks Foolish how he feels about government. Foolish says he’s neither pro nor anti. He’s never been a part of a government, since all that ended before he joined the server.

- Foolish does his shift dance. Phil throws him some real gold.

- Foolish leaves and Phil continues working

- Phil does acid (shaders) in L’manburg

- He explores the bottom of the crater. Phil feels no regret about what happened.

People can’t be replaced, but things can. As someone who’s been around for a long time, who’s seen people pass over hundreds of years, people are so much more important than possessions as a result of that.

- He’s lived for so long he’s forgotten for how long, but at least hundreds of years.

- Phil’s known Techno since Techno was young.

- Foolish returns to the mansion. He speaks with Tubbo about the layout again.

- Foolish commits arson on James

- Niki accidentally dug into the Kinoko Kingdom library while working on her city. It will either be the spark of a beautiful friendship, or a war.

- Her Syndicate name is Nemesis

- After more work in the Nether, Phil goes to Niki’s underground city for a visit.

- Niki gives him a tour, and Phil drops off the quartz

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Ranboo’s Lore Recap: The Story So Far

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Ranboo logs in at Spawn. He went outside, punched some trees, got killed by Dream a couple times (non-canonically), got a tour from Niki.

The next day, he got a tour from the President of L’manburg, who asked if he was going to run for President. Ranboo decided to live in L’manburg. He shaped Ranboo’s beliefs at the beginning, that L’manburg was good. They went to the Nether and found Michael, and put him in a boat.

Then, they were approached by Tommy, who told them about his plan: to grief George’s house. As they walked over, Niki and Puffy (on their date) were there. Ranboo and Tommy asked for Niki’s armor and went over to George’s house to do it. They ran off after burning it down by accident.

Niki and Puffy knew it was them and asked, but Ranboo realized…he didn’t remember. 

Dream started building a wall around L’manburg, and they didn’t know why. He showed them George’s house. It got blamed on Tommy. 

During the trial, Tommy stood up for Ranboo and so Ranboo didn’t take the blame, as he had bad memory.

They decided to meet with Dream and created the Meeting Hall, and for the meeting, Ranboo became the minutes man of L’manburg.

There was a pig guy watching them during the meeting.

The meeting didn’t go well; Tommy used Spirit as leverage to get Dream to take down the walls, but then Dream stopped and told them he didn’t care about Spirit, only the discs.

There was another meeting set up. Ranboo realized writing stuff down to remember it was a good idea, so he created the first “Do Not Read” book. 

He watched from the ground as the cabinet met with Dream on the wall. Ranboo saw Tommy being taken away for some reason — he’d been exiled. Ranboo felt guilty.

Back in L’manburg, things were going great! Ranboo had a house now, pets…but the guilt remained. Ranboo visited Tommy in exile a couple times, and things seemed off, so Ranboo wrote letters to him to try and help.

One day, while writing in his book, starting an ice cream shop with Fundy…he was approached by this fellow named Quackity. Quackity told him about this wanted pig guy, Technoblade, the reason everything was gone — Techno was a traitor, and Quackity had plans to get Techno and bring him to justice. 

The first Butcher Army meeting was held. Ranboo was a bit confused, but decided to help, because betraying someone’s pretty bad. So they all went off to fight Technoblade. Quackity got a horse named Carl, and Techno surrendered, and though Ranboo thought there’d be a fair trial, there was just an execution. Techno miraculously survived, ran off, and Quackity was killed.

While this was happening, Phil — who had saved him from lava one time when he was trapped — was apparently helping Techno, the traitor. So L’manburg put him on house arrest, and he wasn’t happy about that. Ghostbur called Ranboo an “Aaron Burr” and went with Ranboo on a trip to then snow…to Techno’s place.

Ranboo still had Techno’s armor, Techno tried to kill him, then Ranboo gave all his armor back. Someone else was there was well — Tommy.

Ranboo wrote all of this down in his Memory Book and returned to L’manburg, told them that he had no idea where Techno or Tommy were…at which point Ranboo realized…he’d just betrayed the entire Butcher Army.

The next few days, Ranboo kept seeing Techno and Tommy around with a lot of dogs. He continued to write things down, being kind of on both sides. Ranboo decided he couldn’t choose and instead would help everyone. 

Things were going fine. L’manburg was planning a Festival to kill Dream, as Dream would finally respect the laws of L’manburg and attend with no armor. Ranboo made a trident game.

At some point, Ranboo created a fake memory book that got burnt by Skeppy around Christmas during Skeppy’s sister’s visit.

Before the Festival, Ranboo realized he’d lost his Memory Book. He found it in a chest…but that wasn’t where he’d put it. How did it get there?

Ranboo created a panic room out of obsidian, a place to reckon with his morals, a place to think. The water created white noise that helped him think. It was there that he decided to stop choosing sides, and start choosing people.

The day of the Festival, Ranboo secretly met with Techno and Tommy in Purpled’s Skull Base. Dream arrived and started building the wall again.

Dream led them all over to the Community House, and they all saw that it was completely destroyed. It was apparently Techno and Tommy, who shortly arrived. Tommy and Tubbo fought, Dream asked for Techno’s help to blow up L’manburg the next day. Then, Dream told them that Ranboo was a traitor. He gave Tubbo a little book — the first Memory Book.

Ranboo thought he had the Memory Book on him. How could it have been switched? He opened up the one he had, but…all that was left was a smile. And that smile symbolized his betrayal. This was the second Memory Book, the replacement.

At the announcement of Doomsday, everyone somewhat banded together. Ranboo gave a speech, that if they kept trying to save L’manburg, it would just keep causing problems. People were looking at Ranboo, the eye contact made him aggravated, he lashed out at his friends.

He went back to the Panic Room, started talking to himself, thinking about what he would do. Would he help or not? It was at that point that he began to hear something — something that was Ranboo…a voice. A voice that sounded like Dream. It told Ranboo the last thing he wanted to hear: that by trying to help everyone, he’d betrayed everyone. Ranboo didn’t believe him, thought he’d only given the armor to Techno. The voice left, and Ranboo decided the best thing he could do was help. Help the people who helped him: L’manburg.

  He was still missing something: the first Memory Book.

It was time for Doomsday. The dogs, the Withers, the explosions all started, and L’manburg went. The people who’d been for L’manburg suddenly switched. But out of all of this, Ranboo heard something. He heard Techno ask, “What’s this ‘Do Not Read’ book?”

Ranboo ran to Techno, who gave it to him and told him to run. Techno showed him mercy.

Ranboo talked with Fundy after, he’d hurt Fundy. Ranboo talked with Quackity, who seemed to forgive him, because he’d read Ranboo’s Memory Book. He’d been the one to have the book, and he read it.

Ranboo visited the Panic Room, not knowing what to do…

Someone came and asked if he was okay: Phil. Phil offered him a home with himself and Techno, and they got along.

He thought he was safe, and everything was good, and that’s when he heard a disc: Mellohi, from someplace very far away. It was from the Panic Room, so he went back. He took out the disc, and an old friend came back: the voice. This time, the Dream voice told him that he was more of a traitor than he thought. It told him that he’d been helping Dream this entire time, he just didn’t remember. It told him he blew up the Community House. But the voice wasn’t Dream, Ranboo figured it was just a voice trying to fill the gaps between his memories. It told Ranboo to mine a block, behind which were two pieces of TNT.

Ranboo kept chilling with Techno and Phil, build himself a place to live. It was at this time that Tommy and Tubbo were planning on trying to get their discs back.

For a while, Ranboo lived in solitude. For the first time in a while, he was happy. He decided he was done living in fear of the Dream voice, and went to confront it, to tell it that there’s no way he helped Dream. The Dream voice told him he had one of the discs. Ranboo thought there was no way, so he went back to his house and searched, and dug up a chest with the Cat disc inside.

Ranboo realized that something was going on. He realized he’d been sleepwalking, of sorts. 

Something happened: Tommy and Tubbo were going to fight Dream. Everyone thought they were probably going to die, and…what happened after that?

Dream was put in prison, Ranboo started to be able to pick up blocks, and Ranboo decided to call this state: Enderwalking.

Everything seemed fine, besides the giant Egg. The prison was open for visitation, and Ranboo had a good idea: what if he visited Dream? Everything went normally, except Dream told him exactly what he didn’t want to hear: that apparently, he and Dream had been talking in his Enderwalk, and Ranboo was one of Dream’s best friends. Dream handed Ranboo his own Memory Book. The entire chest was full of Memory Books. The prison started to crumble, Dream disappeared and then…Ranboo guessed the entire visit had just been the Dream voice but…worse. He decided to keep his head down for the time.

Ranboo needed to visit the prison again, but for real this time, to actually get closure. He went up to Sam, made his way to the lobby, and told Sam it was his first time visiting — which he thought it was. Sam thought he was joking around. Sam told him that he’d visited before…the Enderwalk. Sam showed Ranboo the books, and they were written in Enderman.

Sam told Ranboo he had a book on him — Ranboo now had a third Memory Book, but there was nothing in the books about any visit.

There must have been a fourth book.

Ranboo, to this day, still does not know where that fourth book is. This fourth book…it wasn’t a Memory Book. It was a book of the Enderwalk.

So for the time being, Ranboo tried to work against the Enderwalk, but nothing worked. So…he was just kind of living. His beacon disappeared, his tools kept getting to low durability randomly. He didn’t know why. He just decided to stop getting involved in things and just keep living.

Ranboo visited Snowchester, he did cool things with Techno, he was happy. 

Then, he got married for tax reasons and decided to build a hotel to rival Tommy’s with Tubbo.

Then, one day, after saving Michael, after everything, they received news: Tommy had died. And Sam had just let it happen.

Another day, in his house, Ranboo decided he should just relax. He saw Niki outside and wondered what she was doing there. Techno offered him a place in an anarchist organization called the Syndicate. Ranboo decided to join, he told them that Tommy died.

Then Tommy was alive. Somehow he was alive.

Ranboo was brought to a room with two shrines and a hallway with a place for everyone's treasured items. He started to remember, started to hear things. Dream had a revive book. Tommy and Tubbo didn't die because everyone went there and saved them, but Ranboo didn't remember this.

Ranboo realized that Dream had to be stopped before he brought back the villains, and...then he'll finally be happy. He has Michael to protect now.

He was hanging around with Tubbo when they were approached by Tommy, who had the same idea. Ranboo agreed. They began to build a watchtower, Ranboo spoke with Ghostbur, who didn't seem like he wanted to go.

And now? Ranboo is trying to figure out a way to kill Dream. But there's also a larger issue to figure out.

He figures that Dream gave him a set of instructions while he visited the prison in the Enderwalk, and Ranboo needs to find a way to stop the Enderwalk.

It hasn't happened in a while, right? Maybe he already has.

So now, Ranboo is figuring out the Enderwalk and protecting Michael at all costs, even if he might have to lose a little bit of life…

And that is the story so far.

[This story was told as c!Ranboo — not really, but if Ranboo could collect his entire story and tell it. So some things have been left out.

For example, Sapnap giving Ranboo the message…]

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Upcoming events remain the same.

[translations-by-aiimee]

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun - Chapter 21

Original Title:  二哈和他的白猫师尊

Genres: Drama, Romance, Tragedy, Xianxia, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 21 - This Venerable One Will Tell You a Story (Part 3)

Yao Qianjin had quite a temperament. When she got back, she didn't even think about eating and went straight to pestering her father to inquire about Chen Bohuan. Although Chen Bohuan was already married, it was done behind closed doors. Who knew about it? Even when their marriage had been arranged, the town never knew about their relationship.

So Yao Qianjin learned that the eldest Chen son "wasn't married yet."

The county magistrate made several inquiries and found that Xiao Chen was capable, gentle-tempered, and his familial situation was good, so he sent someone to talk to the Chen family about the marriage.

Mr. Chen was filled with regret. They politely told the county magistrate they would think about it first. They closed the door and the two old people immediately started to quarrel.

Mr. Chen said: "Look what you've done! The poor scholar died early and his daughter should have mourned him for three years. If you hadn't been in such a hurry for them to get married, our son wouldn't have to regret it now! Look at what happened!"

Madam Chen was also anxious: "You're blaming me? Weren't you the one who wanted to arrange the marriage in the first place? Now there's a better option: the daughter of the county magistrate! Can. . . can Luo Xianxian compare to that?"

The two elders closed the door and quarrelled until they were red in the face. At the end of the quarrel, they were exhausted and panting across the table from each other.

Mr. Chen asked: "What should we do? Should we call back the magistrate?"

Madam Chen said: ". . . We can't do that. Our family is relying on Yao Qianjin's money."

Mr. Chen said angrily: "Then will the daughter of the Yao family be a concubine? Will she? Our son already has somebody, how can we add another? Look at how in love they are!"

". . ." Madam Chen didn't say anything for a while. Her eyes suddenly lit up, and she murmured, "If you think about Luo Xianxian and our son, except for our family, no one knows about them. . ."

After a few moments of silence, Mr. Chen was shocked when he suddenly understood his wife's intentions.

He was trembling, half from panic, half from anger.

"You - you mean. . ."

"If no one knows about it, it doesn't count as a real marriage." Madam Chen said. "Let's try to find a way to get rid of her. We can do whatever it takes. All the surrounding villages think he's unmarried. Do you remember how she stole oranges from us as a child? As long as we all stick to that story, no one would believe her word over ours!"

Mr. Chen strode to the door, confirmed that the door was closed tightly, and hurriedly rushed over. The two people who had been arguing like two chickens in a cockfight were nestled together again, quietly lowering their voices, and discussed.

Mr. Chen said: "This method of you, I'm afraid it won't work."

"What's wrong?"

"Our son won't agree. He's had a crush on Luo Xianxian his whole life. Why would he agree to drive her away for someone else?"

Madam Chen thought for a while. She patted her husband's hand and said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

After a while, Madam Chen suddenly became seriously ill. It was a strange illness. The doctor couldn't explain the reason, but she just would have fits all day and talked nonsense, saying she was possessed by a ghost.

Mr. Chen was terrified so he asked a Daoist priest to come. He carried a whisk on his back and said that there was something negative in the Chen family directed at Madam Chen. If it wasn't resolved, Madam Chen wouldn't make it to the new year.

Chen Bohuan, who was the most filial, anxiously asked: "What attacked my mother?"

The Daoist priest pretended to be mysterious and hesitated for a while. He said it was a "beauty who couldn't see the light of day."

Everyone in the room froze. The Chen family's sons all turned to look at Luo Xianxian standing on the side.

Luo Xianxian also froze.

She has been told many times when she was a child that her life is cursed. She brought tragedy with her. As soon as she was born, she killed her mother, then her brother, and later her father.

Now, she was being accused again, saying that she was going to kill her mother-in-law.

The Chen family was petrified. The sons took turns telling her to leave the Chen family. Besides, no one outside the family knew that she was married and had an innocent reputation. They would give her some money and let her find another good family.

Luo Xianxian was anxious and afraid. She was really worried that she was killing Madam Chen and she couldn't control her tears.

Chen Bohuan was heartbroken. As he watched his mother grow weaker, he was caught between a rock and a hard place. He didn't want to leave Luo Xianxian, but he couldn't bear to watch his mother suffer. She had lost so much weight in such a short amount of time.

The brothers of the Chen family quit trying to be civil. One day, while their elder brother was away, they sought out their sister-in-law. Luo Xianxian was mixing butterfly fragrant powder in the greenhouse. They rushed up and knocked over her utensils. The fragrant powder fell on her. The pungent aroma seemed to instantly seep into her bones and she couldn't wash it off.

The brothers surrounded her and talked about the most important duties, such as "a woman's virtue", how a wife and daughter should be humble, parents should be respected but Luo Xianxian was very tough. Although timid, she was very stubborn. She cried and said she didn't want to leave, begging them to think of another way.

The second son of the Chen family was impatient so he went up and slapped her. He said: "You're going to kill our mother, you cursed bitch. If there was another way, would your father have died? Would your mother have died? Would your brother be dead or alive?"

As soon as he beat her, the rest of them rushed up, punching and kicking Luo Xianxian, shouting things like "get out", "vermin" and "quick fuck".

These sons had the same idea as their mother. In fact, they had known about their mother's idea for a long time. At this time, taking advantage of their elder brother's absence, they worked together to expel Luo Xianxian from the house. They threatened that if she dared to come back, they would beat her every day. She didn't have a family anyways. If she was beaten to death, no one would care.

It was a snowy night. Luo Xianxian was thrown into the snow covered in bruises and one of the embroidered shoes on her feet had fallen off.

She slowly crawled forward, a muffled choked sob escaping her lips, like the low howl of a dying cub.

It was late at night. Few people would be outside on such a snowy day. She crawled through the vast world, not knowing where she was going, not knowing where else she could go.

The Chen brothers were right.

She had no family; no father, no brother. No one to stand up for her, no one to take her in.

There was nowhere she could go in this white, awe-inspiring world.

Her bones were weak, and she was wearing thin clothes when she was thrown out, so her legs and feet quickly became numb and useless.

Crawling all the way to the outskirts of the city, she came to the earth temple where the Master of Ceremonies Ghost was enshrined. She curled up in the temple to hide from the snow. Her lips were blue and frozen, and her heart felt even colder.

Looking up at the clay statue with gorgeous red makeup, she couldn't stop the tears rolling down her face. It made her think of the rules of the Lower Cultivation World, and how a married couple should have a master of ceremonies to witness it.

At that time, all she had was a red flower hairpin, a beautiful smile and Chen Bohuan kneeling next to her.

Was this closed-door marriage all a big dream? That day, the beauty in the brass mirror was picturesque. Was it just a greedy joy that she had concocted deep in her mind?

She knelt in front of the Master of Ceremonies Ghost, dragging her increasingly heavier and cold body. She bowed three times, crying and laughing.

"Married as husband and wife. No doubt about their love. Rejoice. . . in this. . . tonight. . ."

She started to feel dizzy and her vision was getting blurry.

A thin layer of moonlight seemed to sprinkle in front of her eyes. In the small courtyard from her past, she cried and said: "I didn't steal. I didn't steal. I didn't steal the oranges."

However, three men make a tiger* and everyone was terrified. No one would believe her side of the story.

*(T/N: 三人成虎 - means that the more someone repeats something absurd, the more likely people are to believe it)

To this day, she knew that even if she ran up to every person she saw and screamed that she was Chen Bohuan's wife, no one would believe her. She was still the same little girl as back then, stuck behind the mud wall with no one to share her grievances with.

Nothing had changed.

But there was still that person, looking over the wall, holding a white steamed bun, stuffed into her palm, saying: "If you're hungry, eat a steamed bun to curb your hunger."

Now. . . that person. . . where was he. . .

When he came back and couldn't find her, would he be worried, or would he secretly breathe a sigh of relief because his mother would be safe from her?

Luo Xianxian curled up in the earth temple, eyes dripping with gradually drying tears, and whispered: "Madam Master of Ceremonies, I want to be with him. I'm his wife. . . When we came to the temple, we didn't have a master of ceremonies with us. You're a Master of Ceremonies Ghost. You can't control the living, but I. . . You're the only one I can talk to. . . and I can tell you. . ."

She whimpered in a broken voice, the last sound coming out of her throat: "I didn't lie. . ."

I didn't lie.

The heavy snow was silent, and the long night was quiet.

The next day, the townspeople who passed by the earth temple on the outskirts of the city found Luo Xianxian's cold body.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

[apocalypseornaw]

Keep Me From You

For the square "Temporary amnesia" on @girl-next-door-writes make me feel bingo

Warnings: mention of injury,cursing

Word Count: 10,201

Smidge of angst but lots of fluff

“Dean I’m fine. A few scratches but I’ll be home soon and you’re more than welcome to play nurse” You’d left a few days before to help Claire out on a hunt and had called him to say you were only about an hour out from Lebanon. “So you want me to wear the uniform and all?” he teased and heard you laugh. That was a sound that he’d always loved. “Of course I want the uniform, why would you even ask?” A smile slipped onto his face as hearing just how truly happy you sounded to be coming home to him. He’d never imagined getting this. Someone who really did love him and not only understood the life but lived it as well. “I’ll see you soon sweetheart” “Better be waiting for me at the door….” Your sentence was cut short by the sound of tires squealing then a hard hit. 

Dean knew a wreck when he heard one and his heart fell to his feet “Y/N!” when you didn’t reply he screamed your name again which brought Sam running into the room. “What’s wrong?” Dean was already on his feet grabbing the keys to the impala “Y/N’s been in a wreck. We gotta get to her”

By the time Dean and Sam rolled on scene a passerby had called 911. Multiple cop cars, a couple ambulances and even a fire truck had the night lit brightly. Dean barely stopped the car from rolling before he was jumping out. Your car was on it’s side, the driver door crumpled in. “Y/N!” before he could get close Sam grabbed him along with three of the firemen on scene “Sir! We already got her out! She’s in the ambulance!”

Dean looked to see the ambulance in question pulling away “Is she alive?” The firemen nodded solemnly “She’s in critical condition but she’s alive”  Sam pulled him back towards the impala “C’mon we’ll beat them to the hospital. We know her Dean she’s strong” Sam nodded to the firemen that he had Dean so they headed to finish cleaning up the scene. Dean looked at your car once more before following Sam “If the other driver isn’t in bad shape..I’ll kill em”

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Sam took the lead to speak with the doctors because by the time they got to the hospital he didn’t really trust Dean to not throw a punch. “Mr Evanson..your sister in law is in critical condition as you were told at the scene. She was hit by a drunk driver that ran a red light. She’s got multiple contusions, a fractured skull and a dislocated shoulder” the fake names had you as Dean’s wife should something like this happen and Eileen as Sam’s. Helped to have insurance and provided a cover story so all of you could get updates on each other should injuries ever occur severe enough to warrant a hospital trip.

Before Sam could open his mouth to ask any questions further about your condition Dean spoke up “Let me guess the bastard that hit her is just fine right?” Sam couldn’t really blame Dean. You were one of his best friends and knowing you made it out of a hunt just fine to turn around and get hurt this severely by an idiot who drank too much and chose to get behind the wheel was more than upsetting. “Mr Evanson I know you’re upset but I assure you we’re doing everything for your wife we can” Sam could tell Dean was doing what he did best which was to lean into anger more than any other emotion so before he could fire off threats to a doctor or worse Sam grabbed his arm then looked back at the doctor “When can we see her?” “As soon as she’s settled into the room I’ll send a nurse out to get both of you”

The moment the doctor stepped away Dean spun around and hit the wall hard enough his fist left a hole in the plaster. “She was talking to me Sam. What if I distracted her? What if she would’ve seen him sooner if she hadn’t been on the phone?” “Dean, don't do that to yourself. This isn’t your fault” It shocked Sam more than anything to see Dean wasn’t trying to hide the tears in his eyes when he faced him “I can’t lose her Sammy” “You won’t. I’m gonna call Eileen and Jody to let them know. She’ll be ok. Let the doctors do what they can then if need be we’ll find other means to help her. She’s strong, she’s a fighter and honestly I think it would take a lot more than a wreck to keep her from your side” “Let’s hope you’re right”

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A little over an hour passed with Sam and Dean pacing across the waiting room. The other inhabitants of it and staff alike were giving both men a wide berth, Dean even moreso. The air around him was thick with the mixture of anger at you being in this shape and fear at the possibility of losing you.

When a nurse finally walked in and asked “Mr Evanson and brother?” Dean snatched his head up “Over here” she smiled warmly at him “Your wife is out of surgery and stable. Would you and your brother like to see her?” “Please” Dean managed trying to remember it wasn’t this woman’s fault you were hurt.

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The walk to your room felt longer than anything Dean had even endured. When he walked in to see your still form he could feel his hands ball into fists. You were the single most important person on the face of the earth to him besides Sam. Your head was bandaged, your left shoulder was in a sling and both arms had gauze nearly covering every surface. “When’s she gonna wake up?” Sam asked knowing Dean needed an answer but also knowing his brother wouldn’t be very good at communicating at the moment. 

“That’s a tricky question. It’s really up to her. She’s in stable condition, there’s no bleeding on her brain. Now it’s just up to her body” “Thank you. Can we stay with her a while?” “You both can stay an hour but only one can stay overnight” “Thank you” the nurse walked away and Sam turned back to see Dean was motionless at the foot of your bed.

“Dean?” Sam called jarring him out of his thoughts. “She’s a hunter. I’ve seen her hurt and I’ve known that there was always a possibility of something happening to one of us but she was fine, she was headed home and laughing” Dean had walked up next to your bed and left his fingers barely brush against the leather bracelet tied around your wrist. It was a gris-gris gifted to you by a witch in New Orleans three years before, just a couple months before you and Dean had gotten together actually. 

You’d helped her out and it was supposed to protect you from evil. You hadn’t taken it off since citing that it was a lucky charm too considering you hadn’t gotten seriously injured on a hunt in quite a while. Turned out it only worked on supernatural beings not human actions.  “She’s gonna be ok Dean” Sam repeated as Dean gently took your hand in both of his and sat down in the chair next to the bed before looking up at his little brother “How can you be so sure?” “I’ve seen her fight and I’ve seen how much she loves you. She’s not leaving us like this”

------

The two of them stayed like that for the next hour barely talking, simply watching you breathe. When the hour passed Sam headed back to the bunker while Dean stayed rooted in the chair holding your hand. “Remember when we first met? God I thought you hated me because of my dad..he had a habit of turning people into enemies. I’ve never seen Bobby laugh as hard as talking about the time you backed dad down on a hunt by calling him a washed out jarhead that didn’t know a vampire from a rugaru. Baby you’ve survived so much..you’re stronger than anyone I know” he didn’t even realize he was crying before the droplet hit your hand.

“Please come back to me. I don’t want to do this without you. I love you” he nearly whispered the last part willing you to hear him and open your eyes. 

------

For three days Dean sat at your side. Sam would bring food and clothes. Eileen had of course headed back to Lebanon when she heard what happened and Jody along with all the girls had been in near constant contact. You had so many people behind you but the horrifying reality was it didn’t matter how much backup you had this time. This fight was a solo one.

The nurses and doctors assured him that you were healing. Your body was simply mending itself and keeping you asleep to save energy to do so. He didn’t care about anything they said he needed you awake to see for himself that you were ok.

It was during visitor hours so Eileen was sitting across the room flipping through a magazine while Sam had gone after coffee. The hardest thing for any of them was simply being forced to sit around and wait to see if you’d wake up on your own. Of course Rowena was digging around to see about some spells to help speed up healing but those were a bit fragile and out of her usual wheelhouse which was to cause damage to someone instead of healing them.

“Dean they were out of sugar so I had to put artificial sweetener in yours” Sam spoke from the doorway as he walked into the room. Dean shrugged “I don’t care” Sam shared a look with Eileen when he handed her coffee over. She signed “I’m worried about him” so Sam nodded and mouthed “Me too” before walking over to hold Dean’s coffee out to him. 

Dean took it then looked back at the bed “Why isn’t she awake yet Sammy?” “Head injuries take a little more to heal Dean” Sam offered but knew it was of little solace. All of them wanted nothing more than for you to wake up. Sam walked back over to stand next to Eileen but a movement of your hand had all of them on their feet and next to the bed “Y/N?” Dean spoke first and when you opened your eyes they all shared a sigh of relief “Thank god baby” Dean breathed moving to press a kiss to your lips but you snatched your head away “Dean, what the hell?” 

------

Your head felt like it’d been run over by a truck. You felt like you were drunk and there wasn’t a body part that didn’t hurt.  When you finally forced your eyes open you realized you were in a hospital room. Sam, Dean and Eileen was next to your bed meaning you must have gotten hurt on a hunt but you couldn’t remember how.

“Thank god baby” baby? Did Dean just call you baby? Before you could ask he leaned forward as if to kiss you so you snatched your head away not missing the look on his face as you said “Dean, what the hell?” 

“Y/N? What's the last thing you remember?” Eileen asked stepping closer to the bed while Dean backed away obviously hurt but you weren’t sure why he’d called you baby or tried to kiss you. You were friends yeah but he’d never acted like he had those feelings for you. You realized your head hurt even worse when you tried to think of why he would be hurt but a memory finally came to you of you and Eileen working a shifter case in Austin. “The shifter?” you asked hesitantly and saw her eyes widened.

“Eileen? What’s wrong?” you asked grimacing when you tried to sit up further only to realize your left arm was in a sling. Sam moved to help you and you noticed Dean looking rather lost standing off to the side of the room. She looked over at him sympathetically before finally saying “Y/N that case was over three years ago”

------

 Three years? You’d lost three years worth of memories. Dean had slipped out the room after alerting the Doctor Rhodes you were awake and once Eileen assured Sam she’d stay at your side he went after his brother. You were only half listening to the doctors as they gave a run down of the wreck you’d been in and the injuries you’d received. “Well if you’re saying my brain is fine why the hell do I have a three year gap in my memory?” you knew you were being a bit blunt but given the circumstances you felt it was warranted.

“Mrs Evanson this is common in an injury like yours” the nurse nearest you spoke so you cut your eyes at Eileen silently questioning the name they’d called you. She smiled and touched Doctor Rhodes on the shoulder. When he turned to look at her she motioned to you “Can I have a few moments alone with her before you take her for tests?” he looked back at you then nodded. After he and the nurses finally exited your room giving a warning that transport would be there in twenty to take you down for a cat scan Eileen came over and sat gently on the side of your bed facing you “Ask” You looked around the room eyes settling on Dean’s jacket that he’d left draped over the back of one of the chairs “What have I missed?” she followed your line of sight over her shoulder then smiled sadly before looking back at you “The shifter case was only a month before you and Dean got together” “We’ve been together three years?” you asked making sure you were facing her fully as you spoke. “Yeah. For the insurance he’s listed as your husband and Sam’s listed as mine since me and him have been together two and a half years” 

You felt tears sting your eyes as the realization of why Dean had looked so hurt when you pulled away from him hit you at once “Why don’t I remember? God he must hate me” She covered your right hand with hers lacing your fingers together and the familiarity of that small action bought a smile to your face as she leaned down to look you in the eye before saying “Believe me when I say there is nothing on earth you could do to make that man hate you sweetie. Now I’ll be here when they get you back from the tests but I’m gonna go find him and Sam in the meantime ok?” you nodded not trusting your voice at the moment so she kissed your forehead then nodded to the nurse that had just just stepped into the door before walking out.

------

Eileen found Sam and Dean outside in the parking lot. They were leaned against the side of the impala staring at the entrance of the hospital. When they saw her they both pushed off the car Sam getting to her side first while Dean was a little slower to approach “How is she?” Sam asked and Eileen shrugged “She found out she’s missing three years. How would you be?” Then her eyes drifted over to Dean “She’s afraid you’re gonna hate her because she doesn’t remember being with you” “I could never hate her especially for something that’s not her fault” he quickly replied and she nodded “That’s what I told her but I think you need to be in the room too when she gets back from having her scans done” 

------

You were in short terrified. The scans showed that your skull was healing quite well actually and as far as structural wise your brain was in good shape and according to Doctor Rhodes your memory loss was more than likely temporary. The bad news? In cases like yours those memories could return in a matter of weeks or a matter of years. There was no way to estimate the amount of time it would take from one person to the next.

“When can I go home?” you asked adding in your head the fact that you weren’t exactly sure where home was these days. “In a couple days at this rate and I’d say within two to four weeks you can return to normal life” There was a knock on the door and one of the nurses peeked her head in “Her husband, brother in law and sister in law want to come in” Doctor Rhodes looked back at you so you nodded with a small smile “Do you remind going back over what you’ve told me?”

“Of course” he nodded to the nurse so she stepped back out and a moment later Eileen walked in trailed by Sam then finally Dean “Mr Evanson your wife asked me to go over the findings from her test with the three of you” you barely met Dean’s eyes while he listened to Doctor Rhodes despite the fact that his gaze never left your face. When the doctor mentioned you’d be going home in a couple days if you stayed healing at this rate Dean shared a look with Eileen that you didn’t miss before the three of them thanked the doctor then he excused himself.

“So turns out I was right Dean, you do have the harder head” you tried to tease but heard your voice fall flat at the end. You wanted nothing more to remember the last three years of your life. The three people standing in front of you meant the most to you yet you could only remember so much and apparently now shared your life with one of them but couldn’t so much as remember ever sharing a kiss with him. 

“Y/N..Eileen told me what you said” Dean spoke, stepping closer to the bed. He tapped the bed close to your leg but didn’t touch you “Sweetheart there’s nothing that could make me hate you. I was on the phone with you when the wreck happened. I’ve never been more afraid in my life and just seeing you awake? That’s a win for me” “I want to remember if that helps any Dean.I wish I did because it seems we’re happy” “I’d like to think we are” he replied with a small smile. You moved your leg closer to his hand so he took the hint to gently touch you near your ankle.

“While we’re all here talking..can someone tell me where is home for me?” you asked embarrassed over not being able to remember such a small detail “Um you live at the bunker” Sam answered cutting his eyes at Dean who nodded “You’ve been living there for about two years full time” “Oh then I guess we’re really serious then huh?” your voice was low enough you weren’t exactly sure Dean had heard you until he said “Yeah” meeting your eyes for a second before clearing his throat “Um visitation is over in an hour. I was gonna stay but if that’s weird for you I’m sure Eileen or Sam would” 

“Of course” they both spoke over each other then shared a small smile. Your heart ached seeing the look on Dean’s face at the two of them so in sync while you didn’t remember him. “Maybe Eileen could stay? She can help fill in some blanks since I remember hunting with her last?” you offered and Dean nodded “Of course sweet..Y/N” you noticed how he stopped himself from calling you sweetheart. Christ you’d been friends with Dean for so long. He was the best man you’d ever known but you also knew he had the self worth of a grape and you could only imagine what this was doing to him. “Thank you Dean” you whispered and he smiled slightly “Of course”

------

Dean didn’t really talk much before him and Sam left for the night but he did ask if you wanted him to bring you a change of clothes since the nurse said you could shower with assistance the next morning. “Please” you told him and with a sharp nod he was out of the room. Sam left a quick kiss on Eileen’s lips then one on your forehead before quickly following after him.

You watched the door where they’d disappeared for several seconds before Eileen touched your arm gently and you jumped which pulled a small smile to her face “Are you ok?” she asked so you nodded then turned your head to look at her fully “I was in love with him wasn’t I?” she slowly nodded. You let out a breath then leaned your head back against the pillows before asking “How did that shifter case turn out anyways?” she laughed then went into the story talking and signing what had happened trying to catch you up to speed without overwhelming you.

------

Sam found Dean sitting in the library at one of the long tables around three in the morning. There was a bottle of bourbon in front of him and a glass with a piece of ice watering down what of the brown liquid was in it. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked, pulling the chair out across from Dean after grabbing himself a glass. Dean cut his eyes up at him “Would you be able to if it was Eileen?” “No” Sam wasn’t even going to attempt to lie, Dean knew him too well. “I don’t want to put any stress on her because she doesn’t remember” 

“You’re not. She knows now that you’re not mad that she doesn’t remember. Give Eileen a little time to ease her into the last few years besides Doctor Rhodes said her memory could be fully back within a couple weeks” “Or a couple years” Dean interrupted which earned him a glare from Sam “If you’ve ever had faith in anything..have faith in Y/N” “What if this is nature’s way of a course correction? She deserves better than me and maybe this is the universe trying to say that” 

Sam reached over and pulled the glass out of Dean’s grip then moved the bottle for good measure before saying “The only thing this says is that assholes shouldn’t drink and drive. She’s coming home in a couple days Dean and the familiar setting may help her memory..Rowena is getting there with the spells especially now that she knows to tweak it to memory wise. We’re gonna get her memory back Dean..we will”  “I hope you’re right Sam, I really do”

------

Today was a big step in the right direction. You were finally checking out the hospital to head home. Eileen had mentioned Cas would be at the bunker when you got there so that meant at least for your physical wounds you could get healed, who knows maybe angel mojo would effect your memory as well? Not likely but it didn’t hurt to hope did it?

When the nurse knocked on the door she smiled to see you were tying your sneakers onto your feet. Eileen had stayed in the room with you while Dean went to pull the impala around to the exit you’d be coming out of. “Must I ride in the wheelchair? I mean I think I’m capable of walking” you asked and she grimaced “Sorry Mrs Evanson it’s hospital policy” Eileen winked at you then teased “Besides you get to ride in style out” riding in style was the collection of get well soon items that had found their way to your room from your friends. The one you liked the best was the little stuffed wolves that Garth and Bess had sent by Donna. The nurses didn’t quite understand the significance of them but you’d seen even a small smile work it’s way onto Dean’s face. Over the next few days though it was only supposed to be the four of you at the bunker well plus Cas. You weren’t being anti-social but you could also only bare so much guilt at a time from not remembering certain things.

Eileen bumped your arm and when you glanced her way she signed “Stop it” “You don’t read minds” you replied and she winked “No but you I can read” you sighed and climbed into the wheelchair while Eileen grabbed the bag carrying your presents. Sam was back at the bunker apparently switching your belongings to a different room. Eileen had let it slip that he offered to do it so Dean wouldn’t have to.

“Take me away” you told the nurse who smiled “I can say you have remained in good spirits the entire time you’ve been here and that bodes quite well for your recovery” you shrugged your good shoulder as she pushed you out the door “I can wallow or deal. I always work better by gritting my teeth and doing what I gotta do regardless”

------

The sun was bright in the sky when you finally were wheeled out of the exit. When Dean saw the three of you he quickly came around to open the passenger door and moved to help you but stopped just sigh of touching you then looked at your face for the ok. When you reached for his hand his whole body seemed to relax slightly “Mrs Evanson you have a follow up for a scan in three weeks but if any new symptoms occur such as headaches, blurry vision, dizziness feel free to come in before and if any pain outside the expected occurs feel free to come back in” 

“She will” Dean and Eileen answered in unison so you shot the nurse a smile “I have a lot of people looking after me. I’ll be fine”

After you were in the passenger seat the nurse waved then headed back inside. Eileen climbed in the backseat behind you and reached up to pat your shoulder reassuringly while Dean walked around to climb in the driver’s seat. “Ready to go?” he asked and you nodded “Let’s get home”

------

You vaguely remembered the internal set up of the bunker. You’d been there a time or two and even stayed the night once but as far as knowing it as well as you should considering how long you’d apparently been calling the bat cave home? You were far from it.

Eileen headed down the stairs first followed by Dean then you walking slowly down. Everything in the map room was pretty much how you remembered it including the angel sitting at the table talking to Sam who smiled when he saw the three of you “Y/N” you pulled him into a hug as best as you could “You’re a sight for sore eyes there Cas” he ducked his head and started to explain “I couldn’t exactly come to the hospital to heal you” “I understand Cas. Just saying it’s good to see you” he nodded then looked to your left arm “Can I?” “Please” you replied with an excited smile.

Cas had healed you before but it was always a bit surreal. He laid his hand palm down on your forehead and you felt the warmth spread throughout your body. You closed your eyes and felt your shoulder stitch itself back and the tender spot in your head from the fractured skull fade to a dull ache then disappeared all together.

When you opened your eyes everyone in the room was staring at you expectantly. You tried to force memories of being with Dean into your mind but they refused to come. You shook your head sadly “Healed me physically” “I’m sorry Y/N. Memory is something different than physical injuries” Cas apologized but you shook your head “No Cas. Thank you. Since the physical part is no longer an issue I can start trying to concentrate on my memory”

You didn’t miss the disappointed look in Dean’s eyes and apparently neither did Eileen because she touched your arm “Y/N why don’t I show you your room?” you smiled appreciatively at her “Sounds good. Cas are you staying?” he shook his head “No I’ve got to get back” you hugged him again “In that case be careful out there and thank you again” 

------

You heard the three guys talking while you let Eileen direct you down the hall and tried to block it out. One worry at a time. She pointed to one door “That’s mine and Sam’s room” then pointed to the next door “This one is empty” the door a little further down the hall she pointed to “Um this is Dean’s room” you swallowed hard at the unadded words which were “Until a few days ago this was your room as well” and followed her down to the room right to Dean’s “This one is yours”

You walked in behind her and looked around the room. You recognized the weapons laid about as your own. That was definitely your jacket tossed across the chair in the corner. A black blanket with red swirls was folded on the foot of the bed. When you touched it she smiled “That’s your blanket you usually want. Dean’s been using it but he got me to wash it and fold it for you” you nodded feeling very much overwhelmed “Um Eileen is it ok if I say I want to be alone?” she nodded “Of course. I’ll be in the library with the boys, your phone is on the charger so if you need me cause you know hollering for me won’t work” you managed a small laugh at that and signed “Thank you” since you know had use of both hands again.

She walked out and shut the door gently behind her. You sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. There was a since of familiarity tugging at you being in the bunker but you weren’t sure if it was true or just the fact of your own desire to remember. After a while you started feeling tired so you laid down across the bed pulling your blanket over you. A small nap wouldn’t hurt then maybe you could wander around a bit after everyone else went to bed.

------

You weren’t sure how long you’d been asleep when you heard a small knock at your door. You sat up smoothing a hand over your head “Yeah?” then kicked yourself when you realized it could be Eileen but the door opened before you could cross over to it and it was Sam standing in your doorway instead “Dean and Eileen ran into town to grab some food and a few other things we needed. I had to convince them both I would check on you” you smiled at that then stepped back so he could come into the room.

He sat down on the chair that your jacket was draped across so you sat down on the foot of the bed right across from him “How is he?” you asked and Sam raised an eyebrow “How are you?”

You sighed “Apparently I am in a stable relationship and can’t remember past being friends. At least Cas could get the wounds on the outside healed?” he nodded then glanced around before rubbing at the back of his neck “He’s ok” “Sam” you warned so he half smiled “He’s blaming himself of course. You were on the phone with him when the wreck happened” “Christ could it get any worse?” you groaned and Sam leaned up to gently touch your leg “Yeah. You could’ve died. We can deal with this. I know we can” you nodded and laid your hand on top of his “Thanks Sam” he smiled “So do you want to check out the rest of the bunker while it’s just the two of us or go back to sleep?”

“Can I sneek a peek in Dean’s room?” he shrugged “Hell why not?” You followed him out into the hall and stopped him right as he put his hand on the door leading into Dean’s room “Are you sure I should?” He nodded “Yeah. It may help” you took a breath and followed him in. The room didn’t look that much different then the one they had moved your things into at first then on second glance the differences popped out to you.

There was your shotgun on the wall underneath Dean’s. A photo of you, him, Eileen and Sam was on the nightstand. A few albums that were clearly your taste in music was next to his radio and there were two sets of headphones instead of one. You walked over slowly and picked up the photo. The boys were sitting on Jody’s couch and from the looks of it had pulled you and Eileen down into their lap probably seconds before the photo was snapped considering you and her were both laughing. “It was the day Alex got into nursing school” Sam explained coming to stand next to you looking over your shoulder at the photo. 

“We all look so happy” you whispered running your fingertips across Dean’s face. “You’ll get your memory back just give it time” he replied and you sighed then sat the photo down “I know. Let’s check out the rest of the bunker so maybe I can have my nerve enough to face Dean by the time they get back”

------

You had made your way into the library by the time Dean and Eileen came back from town. The few times you could remember coming here you’d been impressed by the extensive collection of lore this place held. You trailed your fingers along the spines of the books reading different titles. “I think you’ve read most of the books in here at least once” you heard from behind you and turned to see Dean leaned against the doorway watching you with a small smile on his face.

You sighed and said “Hopefully I’ll actually remember reading them sooner rather than later...well and other things too” the last part you added in a whisper but you saw the way his expression changed “Y/N I don’t care how long it takes I’m not going anywhere. You may not remember the last few years right now but I do, I know this is worth fighting for” “So you don’t blame yourself then?” you asked crossing your arms over your chest and saw the barest hint of a grin pulling at his lips again “Ok that look is too familiar and I’m guessing by you asking me that you’ve talked to Sam while we were gone?”

You nodded “Dean they said a drunk driver hit me. It wasn’t your fault hell if I hadn’t been on the phone with you it could've been a lot before all of you knew what had happened to me.” He nodded slowly “Not like you have always had a habit of kicking my ass if I’m too hard on myself” that made you laugh lightly “Ok that I do remember and yes someone needs to!” 

He nodded back towards the kitchen “We got some food. Eileen tried to remember what your favorite was but couldn’t quite remember so we got a few different things” You smiled “I’m sure I’ll like whatever I’ve never really been picky” the two of you stood there after that staring at each other for a few heartbeats before you heard Sam call yours and Dean’s names “Guessing that’s our cue to come eat?” “Guessing so” 

------

You sat next to Eileen at the table turned halfway towards her so if you said anything she wouldn’t have to turn to read your lips. Sam was sitting across from her and Dean was across from you. You always loved california rolls but now you were simply pushing them around in the little tray. “Not hungry?” Sam asked motioning to your plate. You shrugged “Guess not. Want them?” Eileen reached over before Sam could move “I’ll take them” you laughed at the look on Sam’s face “Snooze ya lose Winchester”

You glanced over at Dean’s plate to see the burger in front of him was barely touched as well “Dean you’re not gonna eat?” he shrugged “Not that hungry” you sighed and drank the last little bit of your lemonade then stood up “I think I’m gonna grab a shower and call it an early night” “If you need anything” Eileen started and you nodded then signed “I know”  Dean glanced up so you smiled “Night Dean” “Night Y/N” “Night Sam” you called over your shoulder before you walked out the kitchen and heard him say “Night” as you stepped into the hall.

------

Everything felt wrong. The bed felt wrong, your clothes felt wrong. There was a gaping hole craving the memories of the last three years and there was nothing you could do. You tossed and turned most of the night until finally calling it.

You dug around and found a thicker pair of socks so you pulled them onto your feet then grabbed the black and red blanket to wrap around your shoulders before stepping out into the hallway. You weren’t sure what part of the bunker you were headed to but you hoped maybe to clear the confusion in your head. The library called to you so you let your feet carry you in that direction.

You walked aimlessly around the rows of books letting your fingers graze some of them. God there was everything from classic literature that book collectors around the world would sell their souls for all the way to books describing just how bad of an idea that would be and why. You ended up not picking a book and instead just pulled out one of the chairs at the table and sat down.

You smiled when you saw Sam and Dean’s initials carved into the tabletop. It matched where they’d carved their names in the impala back when they were kids. You traced Dean’s initials and seriously considered waking him up to talk but decided against it. Just like you needed time to adjust you were quite certain he needed some time too. One moment he’d been with a woman for three years the next that woman didn’t even have a memory of a shared kiss.

You sighed and pushed away from the table. You had seen a laptop in your room hopefully it wasn’t password protected,maybe you could watch a movie or something.

Within a week and a half of being released from the hospital you were going absolutely stir crazy and what was even worse you knew everyone was sitting out of cases to be there with you.

You walked out of your room after grabbing a shower and headed towards the kitchen. Sam and Eileen were normally up before Dean you’d learned so you were hoping it was just the two of them again. When you walked around the corner you nearly froze in your tracks to see Dean pouring a cup of coffee. He cut his eyes up and almost smiled when he saw you then motioned with the coffee in his hand “Want a cup?” You mentally kicked yourself as a reminder to speak and forced a small smile onto your face “Please” 

He nodded and turned to grab another cup. You stood there not missing the looks Sam and Eileen were sharing while Dean poured the coffee and held the cup out to you. You took it from him letting your fingers barely touch his hand “Thanks Dean” “Sugar’s on the counter and creamer’s in the fridge” he replied with a tight smile then walked over to sit next to Sam.

You couldn’t help but over the conversation between the three of them which consisted of the fact that Donna apparently needed help and that Garth had asked Sam if him and Dean could check in on some strange occurrences. “Why don’t you all go?” you asked turning to face the three of them and repeating yourself in asl for Eileen. “We don’t want to leave you alone” you nodded slowly then said “I have a cell phone. Sam just gave me a new one all set up yesterday. Not to mention I’m in literally one of the safest places on earth. I think I can manage for a day or two. Seriously I feel horrible that I’m keeping all three of you cooped up, go I’ll be fine”

The three of them knew you well enough to know that if you had your mind set on something you were far too stubborn to let it go that easily. Sam and Eileen shared a few hushed words followed by Sam and Dean having a whispering match before Dean finally sighed loudly “Fine! I’ll meet you outside in twenty”

You watched him walk out then glanced at Sam questioningly “What was that about?” “He still doesn’t feel comfortable leaving you but he agreed to go check out Garth’s lead” Eileen looked up from her phone with a grin “I texted Donna that I’ll come help her and she said to tell you and I quote can’t wait till Y/N is back in action. I miss her face” you laughed lightly and said “Well be careful and tell Donna I miss her face too”

------

Sam and Eileen left to go grab what they needed so you wandered back towards your room but stopped when you saw Dean’s bedroom door was open. You knocked lightly on it and half a second later he stepped around it and stopped in his tracks when he realized it was in fact you and not Sam or Eileen. “Y/N..something wrong?” you shook your head “No I was just wondering if maybe I could talk to you just for a second?” 

He stepped to the side and waved a hand into the room “Of course” you walked in and sat in one of the chairs at the small table in his room so he sat across from you. You took a deep breath before saying “Dean..if my memory doesn’t come back” “It will” he cut you off and you couldn’t help but smile at just how certain he sounded “Please let me talk” “Sorry go ahead”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand. He stared down at your intertwined fingers as you started to speak again “If my memory doesn’t come back and you want to move on there’s no hard feelings” his eyes flew up to yours “Sweetheart I knew you’d hit your head hard but damn I didn’t realize it’d done you that bad” “What?” you asked with a shocked laugh. 

He slowly raised your joined hands up to his mouth before just barely letting his lips brush across your knuckles “Y/N listen to me good here darling....I love you more than I ever dreamt possible. A future for me? Naw I never really thought about it before you but since the moment you first told me you love me I feel like maybe one day I can actually be the man worthy of you. I’m never walking away from you. If it takes two months or twenty years, I’ll still be right here” you had tears in your eyes by the time he’d finished talking “Christ no wonder I’m in love with you. Who would’ve thought Dean Winchester is a romantic at heart” he chuckled before saying “Only for you sweetheart..only for you” 

You pulled your hand from his and saw his face fall slightly before you said “Come home in one piece?” “Nothing could keep me from you” he replied and you had a sense of almost dejavu as if that was something that was said a lot between the two of you but you didn’t want to ask and get his hopes up just for dejavu. 

“Dean..you ready to go?” Sam called from the hall but stopped when he saw the two of you sitting across from each other “Or we can wait. A few minutes wont hurt” you held Dean’s eyes as you said “No Sam, you two need to get going. I’m gonna go see Eileen off” you stood to walk out but stopped to pat Sam’s shoulder “I expect you both back here just the way you’re leaving”

“Bye Dean” “Bye Y/N” you smiled at Sam then headed to tell Eileen your usual parting and wish her a safe hunt.

------

Everyone was due back to the bunker within a few hours so you were currently folding laundry in your room. Things were starting to hold a sense of familiarity to them but you weren’t certain if it was true or if you were simply wanting to remember so badly you were tricking your own brain into saying it remembered when it truly didn’t.

You’d started texting with Jody, Alex and Claire. You felt horrible that you didn’t remember Claire’s girlfriend Kaia or the newest addition to the wayward daughters as you called them Patience but the girls were more than understanding and were wading in little by little to catch you up on any and all memories involving them. 

Your phone chimed from where it sat next to the bed so you walked over to pick it up and saw a text from Sam which read “We’re two hours away and Eileen is an hour out” you smiled knowing everyone was safe and texted back “Make it back in one piece and then I’ll be happy” then sat the phone down and returned to putting your laundry away.

You pulled out one drawer and stopped. Your socks and undergarments were in it but you had a flash of t-shirts being in the top drawer. Must have simply been mistaken. You finished up then headed into the library where you’d been scrolling through news websites to catch up.

------

You must have been invested in the article you were currently reading because when Eileen tapped on your shoulder you jumped. When you looked up she said “You’re a hunter and I scared you!” “You didn’t make any noise! Besides my guard is down in here” she shook her head but laughed “Nice to see you in a good mood” you motioned around “It’s starting to feel like a sense of being at home here” you knew you could confide in her without it reaching Dean and possibly getting his hopes up for nothing.

Her smile grew as she pulled out the chair next to you and sat down “That’s really good news” you and her sat there talking for the next while and were still talking when you heard the bunker door open so you signed “Our boys are home” she smiled and glanced over her shoulder about the time Sam and Dean walked down the stairs but both of your faces fell when you saw the cuts and scratches littering both of their faces.

She was on her feet to Sam’s side and without hesitation you were at Dean’s side before you could even think about it. “What the hell happened?” you asked gently touching the deepest cut that ran right across Dean’s left cheek “Couple witches hexed a couple vamps. Made them a little harder to kill. No big deal sweetheart” he replied flinching slightly as you turned his head to look at the different cuts and you shook your head then glanced at Eileen “You got your idiot cause I’m gonna go patch this one up and call Cas to see when he came come through the heal them” she nodded so you grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him behind you out of the library and down the hall to his bedroom.

------

Dean sat on the side of his bed while you fussed over the cuts on his face and neck. “Did you kill the witches? Because if not I’m gonna find them and shove their damn broomsticks up their asses” you finished cleaning the cuts and stopped when you realized he was staring at you

“What?” he shook his head letting just the barest hint of a smile play on his lips “I love when you’re all fiery” when you dipped your head just enough that hair fell in front of your face he knew that was one of your tells that you’d gotten embarrassed so he reached up to push the hair back gently and felt his heart flip when you actually leaned into his touch “I love everything about you Y/N. I don’t mean to embarrass you or make you feel weird about it since you can’t remember but you patching me up and fussing about me being hurt? It feels normal or normal for us anyways” you covered his hand with your own and smiled “I want us back Dean”

“We’ll get there sweetheart. Rowena said a few more days and a few more continents she should have her hands on everything she needs” you nodded then pulled away from him slowly “I need to put this first aid kit up” he watched you move around and wanted to say something that would make you feel better but really didn’t have an idea as to what to say.

You stopped at the doorway and glanced back at him “Is it weird if I ask you to take me for a ride in the impala?” he shook his head “Not at all. When do you want to go?” your smile pulled one to his own face “Let me grab my jacket” you glanced at his dresser for a second then added “Are your t-shirts in the top drawer?” he looked between you and the dresser then nodded slowly “Yeah..why?” “No reason” you replied then went in search of your jacket and to return the first aid kit to the kitchen.

------

You weren’t sure where Dean was headed but sitting next to him watching him drive felt so natural. You’d known him for years but it was like your heart was remembering even when your brain was refusing to. “Want to pull over or just keep driving? It’s a quarter moon but it’s pretty bright out if you want to park and talk?” he suggested and you nodded “Please”

You watched as he found a pull off and drove back to an open field. When he killed the engine he cut his eyes at you “You coming?” you smiled and climbed out behind him. He walked to the front of the car then sat on the hood leaned back against the windshield so you sat next to him making sure your boots were hanging off the side to not scratch the paint. Thousands of stars were dotted across the sky and although the moon was only a quarter it was bright. You could hear a few crickets far off and a slight breeze was in the air not enough to make it cold but enough to make your jacket comfortable.

You cut your eyes at him twice before he said “You can lean your head over on me Y/N. I won’t bite” “What if I asked you to?” you joked but had another sense of dejavu hit you. He pulled you over onto his chest leaning further back while you got comfortable “You know you said that to me the first night we slept together” he spoke after a moment.

It was the first time he’d actually talked about your relationship. You knew it was because he didn’t want to push your memory. You had your head laying against his chest and could hear his heart beating steadily under you. “Who kissed who first?” you asked and his answering laugh vibrated through your entire body “Believe it or not you kissed me first” you turned to look at him and he shrugged so you asked “Tell me?” 

He nodded and leaned his head back to stare at the night sky “We were fresh off a possession case. Me and Sam had been working it and you rolled through nearby. Eileen was with the twins working a case so you offered to help us. After it was all said and done Sam headed back to the hotel but me and you decided to grab a beer” you hadn’t realized just how much you were hanging onto his every word until he grinned “You’re staring there Y/N” “Oh hush. You’re telling me about our first kiss I get to stare” 

“Fair enough” he replied with a nod then continued “Anyways. We got to the bar, grabbed our drinks and then headed to a corner table. We were talking about the job, the life we live. You were the most beautiful woman in the place and you were sitting there in jeans and one of my flannels since your shirt had gotten torn during the fight and you had a scratch right across the top of your collarbone that flashed when you moved just the right way. I’d been trying to figure out a way to ask you if you’d ever consider being with another hunter for weeks by that point. You got up to grab us another round and I admit I watched your ass while you walked to the bar but you hadn’t even gotten the beer yet when some drunk asshole decided to grab your ass”

“How did that go over?” you asked pretty much already knowing the answer. Dean tilted his head with a hint of a smirk “I may have broken his jaw in a few different places. Luckily the bartender saw everything so she snuck us over the bar and out the back about the time the police were coming in the front. We hightailed it out of there and headed back to the hotel. I walked you to your door even though you were right next to us. You told me you could’ve handled it and at first I thought you were pissed at me for stepping in but then you added that you thought it was the sexiest thing you’d ever seen. You kissed me then asked if I wanted to grab coffee the next morning before we all headed our different directions”

The happiness in Dean’s eyes as he spoke about the two of you made your heart ache. You loved him, that much you were sure of even if you couldn’t remember the details as to why. “Was it just me for you from there on?” you asked and when he looked at you god your heart skipped more than a few beats at the emotion those green eyes held “No one else would’ve stood a chance” you leaned closer to him and just barely let your lips brush against his in a tentative kiss. When he didn’t push you away you deepened it moving closer to him. He groaned into the kiss when your hands slid across his chest coming up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

One of his hands came to grip your thigh closest to him and he gave it a tug pulling you on top of him never breaking the kiss. You straddled his waist breaking from his lips to kiss down his neck. The grip on your hips tightened when you kissed on top of his pulse point “Y/N...sweetheart..baby stop” you froze the moment he said stop and looked at him in confusion “What’s wrong?” he swallowed hard before saying “Don’t get me wrong because fuck I’ve missed kissing you but we can’t do this. Not until you get more of your memory back. The moment you do I promise to keep you in bed for days but for now we can’t”

You nodded and left another quick kiss on his lips before sliding off of him and the hood of the car. He stood up after you and wrapped both arms around you “I love you Y/N” you nodded leaning back against him “I know Dean” the two of you stood there in silence for the longest just enjoying being close to each other until you shivered. “Let’s get back” he said so you nodded with a sigh “Will you watch a movie or something with me when we get back?” he nodded and kissed your cheek “Of course”

You paced across the floor glancing towards the table in the center of the room every now and then. The redhead working over the large silver bowl stopped in the middle of a movement “Y/N..dear I have grown quite fond of you actually but if you don’t stop that incessant pacing I will lock you out until I need you” 

You held your hands up defensively “Sorry Rowena. I guess I’m just nervous” “Understandably but just take a breath” you nodded and sat down at the table across the room. She smiled then went back to her work. You looked up when the door opened and gave a small smile to Eileen “The boys are on their way back” “It’ll be done before they get here” Rowena said not looking up so you repeated it to Eileen who questioned why your eyes got wider.

Eileen sat down next to you and drew you into a conversation about a few hunt years back and that managed to keep your attention until Rowena cleared her throat. The both of you looked up so she waved you over “It’s time” Eileen walked next to you so you gave her hand a small squeeze before stepping over to the table “Give me your hand” Rowena spoke so you held your hand out palm up. She picked up a silver dagger and slid it across your skin. You watched as your blood dripped onto the mixture in the bowl and it glowed a deep silver.

Rowena spoke the incantation of which you only caught half the words because while some was latin the rest was a language you didn’t recognize. After a moment the silver turned to a shimmering black. Rowena dipped a red wine glass into the bowl and held it out “Drink it all” you looked at the liquid and swallowed hard. You’d drank worse before. You looked at Eileen who nodded so you toasted her and Rowena “Here’s to our health ladies” then tipped the entire glass back in one go. “How do you feel?” Eileen asked and you started to say you felt fine then the world took on a fuzzy haze and you felt yourself falling right before your vision went black.

------

“Y/N..wake up..sweetheart” you could hear Dean’s voice and forced your eyes open. “She’s awake” he breathed in relief. You were laying on a makeshift pallet in the armory. “Told you I know what I’m doing” Rowena chastised then crouched down into your view. “Y/N..how do you feel dear?” you looked at Dean before answering Rowena “I feel amazing. I remember everything” you could hear Eileen and Sam both thanking Rowena but your eyes were glued to Dean who whispered “I love you Y/N” you pulled him down into a kiss before whispering “I love you too Dean. Nothing could keep me from you either”

Tagging @girl-next-door-writes for the bingo challenge and @akshi8278 cause it's Dean

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

As promised, I'm pestering you with my brain mush. Humour me, please. Maybe I'll have to split into 2 asks, sorry.

That whole exchange between Ramon and Eddie hit very hard, and I don't think I'm really ready to compare notes with my own experience, even if it'd help. I'm just saying that for all we have witnessed until 5x17, it's not Ramon who has pressured and hurt Eddie so much, but Helena. Except that Eddie, with Buck, pointedly blames only his father for being the fucked up one, not Helena or the combination. Just Ramon. It's not that he has this good of a relationship with his mother, either, or that Abuela and Pepa have, for what I've seen in 5x17....It's almost as if the three of them teamed together to mock her. It was weird, and awkward.

Helena and the cooking was another weird bit: if that need for control was put there, I don't think it was only for comedic relief. Everything means something, like Rowena would say...Ramon wanted caterers,but Helena only allowed them to reheat things. She needed to be in control.

Which I'd say, it's another freaking trait of Eddie 1.0 personality, the one that always needs to be in control for Christopher. Can we think for a moment that Ramon was probably around just some days a month? And that it was Helena's constant presence to influence Eddie? We know for a fact that both Pepa and Abuela have a splendid rapport with Eddie...and how could've Isabel managed to fuck Ramon up if she is such a good-hearted woman?! We don't know about her husband, but if he had been so much of a trouble, probably something would've slipped. Finally, we know that Isabel is back in El Paso. Why? For his son?

Let's go back to The Real Fucked Up Family Blueprint™, aka The Buckleys. As I have already written, it always stayed with me the feeling that everything, every fucked up decision was stemming from Margaret, not Philip. Margaret didn't go to hospitals, Margaret didn't want to keep Daniel's stuff, Margaret was the first to yell and the one to never try to reach back, Margaret was the one to cut Maddie out to teach her a lesson, and the worst words come out from Margaret's mouth. Philip sort of....goes with it? He kept Daniel's bike, for fuck's sake! How much was he convinced of this whole charade, and how much he was simply going along with his wife's demands? How much was his mind, and how much was he the "do what your mother told you" kind of father?

What if Eddie was throwing punches at himself? What if that rage was his own punishment? He was trying "not to be like Ramon", and he was always angry. I would think more logical that he was trying to be like Ramon, and that was the reason to set off his rage. But he was trying his whole life, I suppose after Shannon's pregnancy, when he stepped from the role of son into the role of father, not to be like Ramon. And this thing enraged and hurt him more, punishing himself, not Ramon.

What I am wondering now is: was really Ramon the real shadow looming over Eddie's unhappiness and repression, or was it his mother? How much is Ramon really a free agent, and how much he simply obeys Helena? How much of Helena's sternness and harshness towards Shannon reflected some kind of not-accepting behavior from her husband's family? Some fucked up wall she probably repeated onto Shannon, maybe unconsciously? How much her need to be in control of everything reflects the fact that she run a household alone, with three kids, no husband, and a mother-in-law who probably didn't like her? Just wondering. I have no answers, I admit.

Finally. That"I was punishing myself more" kinda shocked me. How could a young, angry Eddie, be punishing himself by being angry at his father? We are not talking about repression, about putting on the facade his father was asking him. That was hurting himself. We are talking about RAGE. It was the rage the punishment for Eddie. Which got me thinking about the Fight Club...the whole "maybe you were throwing punches at the wrong guy" talk. How Buck made it all about himself, but Buck is an unreliable narrator because he does blames himself for everything.

I think it's definitely more complicated than we witnessed, and that they left us out of some important missing piece.

Edit: OMG my drafts and asks are back! Finally! So sorry for the delay!!!

Hey @trickster-archangel! No worries at all, send me as many asks as you would like. =)

Ooh yeah, this was definitely an interesting development for Eddie to watch this episode. I'll be honest with you, I'm very Anti-Diaz parents myself and Anti-Buckleys, and I tend to view the interactions with Eddie and Maddie and Buck respectively through my own lens based on my own experiences. So for the relationship between Ramon and Eddie to shift in this seismic way, well, honestly it felt off to me a little. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Eddie but at the same time, it just felt like Ramon was let off of the hook a bit too easily. Especially since they put the obvious parallels between them in their story lines this season, in order to justify Eddie finally burying that hatchet because he can now identify with Ramon while also being true to who he is and putting himself first.

And if that felt out of sorts, the whole ignoring of Helena being an issue was baffling. I get that they wanted Eddie and Ramon to reconcile, but to me, you don't say things to your son like "Don't drag him down with you" and attempt to guilt and manipulate him into giving you your grandson and the next time you see each other, it's all sunshine and rainbows. I think you're very spot on with the observations you made regarding her and her need for control.

I remember when watching 3x15 and 2x18, thinking 'man, Ramon is like the enforcer but it's at Helena's prodding.' I mean, even in 2x18, you can see how Ramon seems to go on Helena's cue, when she brings up Christopher now that Shannon is gone. Ramon stops and apologizes (after he makes the comment about Shannon) when she gives him a look. The whole thing read as one big pile of manipulation to me, one that had been pre-planned. And I think the show absolutely meant to show us that because they kept those shots in to show us how Helena and Ramon exchanged looks throughout.

(I seriously love that actress that plays Helena btw, she does an incredible job)

And this scene is purely Helena:

I think it all comes down to what you suggested. And I'm going to take that and run with it if you don't mind: Eddie has more anger towards his father because Ramon was never around, because Ramon put too much on his shoulders, because the responsibility was put on him at such a young age. And no matter what he does, it's never good enough for Ramon. Which is an interesting contrast if you compare it to Shannon. As Ramon says so inappropriately at 2x18, she ran out on Christopher. So you would think that Eddie would have some major anger towards her as well. He does but we also see him attempting to have empathy and to understand her side of things, not only because he loved her but also because he had run too, in the beginning after Christopher was born, re-upping without telling her. As far as we know, Helena didn't leave in any way, shape, or form, and now that we know that story about what happened when she went into labor with Adriana, it's obvious that Eddie took the responsibility very seriously like Ramon intended him to, but it's also due to Helena. Did she tell him to go get the car? No. But why didn't she have an option in place? For someone to be called in Ramon's stead to help her not only get to the hospital but to make sure Eddie was looked after? (and Sophia if she was born then, idr the sequence of the sisters tbh) I'm not saying everyone has this plan in place before labor occurs but why did she say "of course, I thought he was going to call someone to drive us to the hospital"? It wasn't his responsibility. It was hers. She was the only parent (and adult) present. This wasn't her first rodeo when her water broke. Yes, Eddie might have reacted too fast for her to stop him but by that line of dialogue, it's clear she also put that responsibility on him, too.

That whole scene just makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. "Ramon's prized pickup" and she keeps looking to Ramon as she tells the story. Only the end "he was trying to drive me to the hospital" with her semi-proud expression redeems her in this exchange. But sure enough, when Eddie starts to react, "it's just a story". Helena is an absolute moving part to this whole situation. While the show may have moved her responsibility to the side in favor of Eddie coming to terms with Ramon, there is absolutely zero possibility that Eddie wasn't parentified (and I would even argue spousified) by her as well when Ramon wasn't around. And it doesn't negate her manipulation tactics in 2x18 and 3x15. She absolutely led the charge in both of those scenes, Ramon was like her pitbull, there to back her up and attack when needed. So I think it's interesting that the show chose to change up the dynamics here slightly.

But it does make me wonder if like Shannon, Eddie is willing to forgive Helena because they were in it together so to speak. And because Ramon was the one that left and stayed away. No matter the reason he was doing it, he wasn't around. And when he did come back, he was the enforcer again ("you grounded me actually"). Annnnd I do wonder if the show chose to focus on Ramon because of the fact that when we get Eddie's back story in 3x15, he is doing exactly as Ramon had done. He joined the military to provide for his family, he had accidentally gotten Shannon pregnant and needed to provide. So he did what he viewed as the right thing, he married her and joined the army. The same reasons Ramon was away on business so much. Helena had Eddie and then Adriana (and Sophia wherever she comes in) so he had to continue to provide. And since this season is about Eddie and him choosing what he wants for himself, to follow his own heart (btw I read this INCREDIBLE post by someone on this site stating this is why Christopher hasn't been too present this back half of the season, even this episode, if I find it again I have to reblog it, it's so good), I think that's why they chose to hone in on Ramon in last week's episode. That's why they gave Ramon and Eddie the parallels they did: the fake heart attack, the feeling useless when their professional lives have changed, etc. Because they were completely overhauling who Eddie was from the beginning of his story (even though we don't see this side of him until 3x15). I think they wanted to show the progress he's made and how far he has actually come from who Ramon is. Even though we saw he was nothing like Ramon by the time we meet him in the show and we learn about Christopher, Eddie had to realize it himself. Which brings us back to the point you made about Eddie being angry with himself.

I think you are right on the money when it comes to Eddie having so much anger and like you said throwing punches at himself. Because he was basically fighting a shadow, Ramon's shadow, and he sort of got away from it by moving out of Texas buttttt he didn't 100% because he was always seeing that shadow when he looked in the mirror. And I think you're right, there's still an important missing piece. Plus, last we saw, Ramon and Helena still weren't satisfied that Christopher was with Eddie (2x18) so suddenly they are cool with it? After doing everything they can to manipulate Eddie to get him to give Christopher to them and/or move back home? I get that they kept Christopher out of this episode because it was about Eddie and his arc, but it's weird they resolved things with Eddie and Ramon like this without having that brought back up again. Because that's definitely part of the shadow (Ramon's part anyway) and what Eddie has been working against this whole time, who he is as a father vs Ramon and if it's enough (or right) for Christopher. So things can't really be 100% resolved between Eddie and Ramon (and especially Eddie and Helena) until the Christopher issue is resolved. So, I do think they will need to circle back at some point for that for it to be more fully rounded if that makes sense.

And that whole "I was punishing myself more" line shocked me, too. Though, I kind of get what he's saying, but still how unfair to himself. Like you mentioned, how much of that shadow looming over him is Ramon vs Helena? Either way, it's their shadow, Eddie didn't ask for it. So, I was taken aback with that one, too.

Sorry, I hope this all kind of makes sense. Due to the Tumblr issue, I was kind of all over the place. Thank you for the ask and for your patience! I hope you have a great rest of your night!!! <3

[slasherbastard]

Jealous

(gif credit: pearris2swine)

Warnings: implied sexual stuff, angst, swearing Word count: 2047 Notes: i am so uninspired sorry

Another day in Ambrose. You adjusted your dress and stared at your reflection in the mirror and sighed in slight annoyance as the ends of the black dress rode up your legs, you hated dresses and even though it was all for show you still couldn't help but feel gross. You hated the eyes that raked your body and the compliments from the male victims that made you want to vomit but hey, that's just business - and it wasn't just a one person job, Bo took care of the girls and you took care of the guys (and a few girls, which you like to hold against Bo). Of course Bo had to find you the skimpiest looking dress for his mother's funeral, it was amusing to you but sad at the same time. You took a bobby pin off the sink and swiped some hair back and pinned it in place before going back to touching up your makeup when the bathroom door opened and Bo came in.

"Babe? We're going to be late-" You stared at Bo in the mirror and turned to him, he looked stunned. "Oh your body does wonders for that dress." He smirked and walked up to you and place a hand on your side as he pulled you in for a kiss. Before the session could get heated you swiftly pulled away and placed a finger on his lips and smiled. 

"We're going to be late." You mimicked his southern accent and laughed as you walked past him, the sound of clicks against tiles followed you with those uncomfortable heels Bo forced you to wear. You made a bet that he was checking out your ass as you walked out and when you glanced back at him, sure enough he was. He followed you out and downstairs. 

You both exited the house and got into Bo's truck. Usually the two of you would just walk but you were already late enough and Bo being Bo blamed Lester for the such short notice - even though it was Bo who decided to check his voicemail half an hour before the victims would be arriving. Bo sped down the hill and parked a few buildings away from the church, jumping out of the truck without bothering to lock it before grabbing your hand and practically dragging you through the church doors. The church looked the same as ever, it wasn't like anybody besides the two of you occupied it a few days every month when newer victims entered the town. Bo turned on the stereo and got into place, kneeling down beside his mother's wax covered corpse as you stood beside him with a hand on his shoulder and looked down into Trudy's hazy lifeless eyes, a shiver ran down your spine but you ignored it and continued staring at her just waiting for the church doors to open. 

And they did. You and Bo turned around in unison and stared at the shocked face of a girl who quickly shut the door. "Well, that's our cue." Bo stood up and you followed him out to 'greet' the victims, the girl who ambushed the funeral and a guy who looked looked really pissed off. The girl began apologising profusely as you and Bo walked past. 

"Look, we need the mechanic guy that redneck told us about." 

"That mechanic guy? Well, I'm that mechanic guy but we're in the middle of a funeral-" 

"Look, if I pay you extra will-" The man didn't have time to finish before Bo had slammed him against one of the church walls, a tight grip on his shirt as he got close. 

"Look buddy, I'm really not having a good day so you're going to wait until this funeral is finished then I'll think about fixing your car. Got it?" The man nodded and held his hands up. Bo let go and walked back up into the church alone while you checked to see if the man was okay. 

"I'm sorry about him, he just lost his mother and hasn't been himself lately." 

The church doors opened again and Bo stepped out with a more sincere look on his face. "I'm sorry. How about we get that car looked at?" You passed a look onto the man that could be read as 'I told you so' and the four of you began walking down to the station. "So where were you guys headed?"

"Florida, we got family there." The girl spoke in an upbeat voice with a heavy accent, definitely not American but neither you nor Bo could place it. "Our mother's birthday is coming up and we got her the best present." She was really excited, it almost upset you because you knew that she wasn't leaving this place alive. "Oh we never gave you our names! I'm Dakota and that's Matt." 

The four of you approached the garage and Bo unlocked the door and the two soon to be wax figures stepped inside and started looking for whatever parts they needed while you and Bo watched them, you were leant up against the wall with your arms crossed over your chest with your eyes on Matt who was stealing his own glances from you with a subtle smile that Bo caught on to as well as you.

While Bo was paying attention to Matt's movements and looks, Dakota was practically staring Bo down like he was the last meal on Earth. When Bo had finally caught on he just winked at her and tried to approach her but she shook her head and pointed to her brother who wasn't even paying attention to what was happening right next to him. She mouthed to Bo something along the lines of "Let's get out of here." 

Dakota then walked past and Bo furrowed his eyebrows as he watched her approach the bathroom door and push it only for not to move. "Yeah it's out of order, a'ven't gotten around to fixing it yet but the one up at my place works just fine if you're desperate." Dakota didn't hesitate and nodded. "Alright, won't be too long you two." As Dakota and Bo exited the garage he gave you a small nod and dropped a key into your hand, you looked over at Matt who wasn't really paying attention as he grabbed something off the shelf and drop it, idiot. 

You rolled your eyes but walked over. "Let me get it." You knelt down and began picking up the part he dropped. "Be glad this isn't valuable. Bo would've killed you." Matt looked down at you and smiled, awkwardly running a hand through his hair. 

"Bo's your boyfriend or something?"

You laughed, a little over exaggeratedly but it could've just come off as you being embarrassed. "No, no, he's my brother in law." You picked yourself off the floor and put the part back onto the shelf and dusted your hands off. "Well, ex-brother in law I guess. That funeral was for my sister, his wife." 

"Oh, sorry. I was just wondering because you're really hot." 

You really wanted to punch this guy but this was the crap you had to put up with whenever you met the victims, although, you didn't expect to mark "tell-me-about-your-trauma-then-i'll-sleep-with-you" off of your 'Stupid Shit Victims Say Bingo'. So instead you got closer and didn't fix your dress as the fabric began to bunch again, it was so uncomfortable but you knew this all meant nothing so you were good. 

"You think I'm hot?" The sentence fell off your tongue with a purr, a part of you realised that those acting lessons and improv classes you took before coming to Ambrose actually meant something. "You know, Bo's gonna be a while. It is quite a walk up that hill." You reached for the buttons on Matt's shirt and he looked over at something before watching you. 

"Does that bathroom have a key?" Heat rose in your face as it definitely turned a bright ass red, you could be seductive but you couldn't control exactly how you responded. You broke away from the man and pretended to look for a key as you quietly set the key down on the bench beside you - Matt didn't see you do this, he was busy "messing" around with the buttons on his shirt. 

You picked up the key and glanced at Matt before spinning around and holding it up. "Found it-" He was already on you, he'd picked you up and sat you on the bench and a furious make out session began. The key fell out of your hand and disappeared somewhere on the floor but neither of you cared as Matt's lips left yours only to reconnect with the skin on your neck. You didn't want to admit it but he was really good, so much more passionate than Bo but also a lot softer but who cares about Bo right now?

You're only doing this because of Dakota.

Matt began getting adventurous, a hand went up your dress while the other one slipped the sleeves down your arms. You felt devious but you were also worried about how Bo would react since you've never gotten this far with a victim before - and as if time wasn't on your side, you heard the door to the garage open while Matt was too distracted by you to notice Bo was now standing a few feet away from the two of you. 

"What the fuck is going on here?" Matt jumped back and you pushed yourself off the bench, readjusting your dress while Bo stared at Matt even more furious than you've seen him before - and that's saying A LOT. 

"L-Look man-"

"Don't you fucking L-Look man me!" Bo grabbed Matt by the fabric of his shirt and slammed him into the wall, Matt tried to fight back but Bo just slammed him into the wall again. "Open the fucking basement door, now!" He yelled at you, oh, he was pissed. 

You didn't waste a second before opening that door and neither did Bo as he pulled Matt down. You followed behind him and tried to help with keeping Matt down but Bo just pushed you aside as he tied Matt up within seconds. Matt screamed, screamed for Dakota, screamed for anyone who could hear him in this ghost town. "Scream all you want, nobody's gonna hear 'ya." He leaned in close to Matt and smiled before he turned to face you. He didn't say anything, he grabbed you and dragged you out of the cellar and closed the door. 

You tried to talk to Bo but he didn't listen. You didn't know where he was taking you and a part of you didn't want to know, you began to struggle as his grip got tighter and you tried to pull yourself away from him and at one point you were successful. Bo looked furious as you pulled away from him and stared up at him with glassy eyes. "What the fuck was that? I leave you alone with a guy and next thing I see is y'all fucking!" 

"We didn't have sex! We were just kissing and it went a little too far."

"A little? That's what you call a little?"

"Well you and Dakota were eyefucking right in front of me!" Bo just stared at you before turning away. 

"You're jealous." He laughed before raising his voice. "You think that the shit they say to you don't make me jealous either?" 

"This was all your idea! You're the one who said that seducing victims would work!" You sighed, taking your time to contain yourself before speaking again. "So where's Dakota now?" 

"Vincent's handling her now." Bo paused and stared at you for a second and you swore you saw the light bulb that replaced his brain - if we're being completely honest here since he's got 0 thoughts - light up as he suddenly got close to you and wrapped his arms around your waist. "You know what has to happen now, right?" Bo played his unfair game with you and you lost, either you were about to get punished or you were going to have to watch Bo torture this guy you had no feelings for.

[stargazer-sims]

47 - Escape Strategy

“Dylan, you idiot! You know, you’re really lucky you’re not dead.”

These are the first words out of Derek’s mouth, the moment he steps through the door of the hospital room. In the way only a sibling can get away with, he forgoes any sort of greeting and aims straight for what he obviously thinks is the heart of the situation.

“I wasn’t actually in any danger of dying,” Dylan mumbles.

“That’s not what I heard from the doctor,” says Derek, and then he follows up with, “You look like shit.”

Dylan lifts his gaze from his bandaged hand in order to meet his younger brother's eyes. “Yeah, I feel like shit, so I guess that makes sense,” he says. “You talked to the doctor?”

“Yeah."

"What did he tell you?"

"Not a whole lot," Derek says. "He seemed more interested in asking me questions than telling me anything."

"What'd you tell him?"

"I didn't tell him shit. Your business is your business. He wants to know stuff, he can ask you himself."

"Thanks," Dylan says. "I appreciate that."

He really doesn't want to discuss it with the doctor, nor with anybody else he doesn't know and trust. It's too personal, and the context is probably too bizarre and unbelievable for most people anyway.

He still can't believe he put his fist through a wall. Every time he's thought about it during the past several hours, he's wanted to cry, not from shame or guilt, but from fear. He doesn't recognize the angry, adrenaline-fuelled version of himself who yelled at his partner, punched a wall and stormed off in a rage any more than he recognizes the version of himself who drove all the way to Willow Creek, left his SUV in the middle of a field just inside the town limits, and then climbed over the retaining wall of the canal. Prior to today, he didn't even know he was capable of making a climb like that, much less that he would ever actually do it.

For a long time, all he did was stand there on the inner ledge of the wall, staring down at the murky water flowing past, mere centimeters from his feet. He didn't know what he was going to do next. Jumping into the canal would be pointless and stupid. He's a strong swimmer; he wouldn't drown. All plunging into the disgusting canal water would've done would be to get him wet and filthy. Still, for some reason, it felt calming to stand there and contemplate it.

Someone must've noticed him there and called emergency services, because one moment he was quietly thinking about how good it would be to simply fall asleep in the sweet-smelling grass of the nearby field and not wake up ever again, and the next moment, he heard the sound of an approaching vehicle. Then, a young police woman with bright ginger hair and an excessive number of freckles was leaning over the wall, peering at him and asking in a gentle tone what he was doing and whether or not he needed help.

He told her he was thinking, and she asked him what about. He hadn't wanted to say anything at first, but when she slipped over the wall to stand next to him on the inner ledge and told him that he wouldn't be in any trouble no matter what, if was as if some invisible barrier inside him had been broken down. He said he might not be in trouble with the law, but he would be in trouble of another kind. His family would be upset and angry, and they'd blame him for creating a problem.

"Families can be like that," the police officer said. "Mine's a mess, too. Feel free to vent, if you want. There's no judgement here."

He asked her name, and she told him it was Clancy, like the beer. That made him laugh. He told her his name, and then suddenly found himself pouring out the whole horrible story of how he'd ended up standing on the edge of the canal, not intending to jump, but nevertheless wishing he could vanish into nothingness.

Clancy listened patiently and didn't interrupt him. He's not sure how long he talked, but it had to have been more than a few minutes. Eventually, when he ran out of words, Clancy helped him climb over the wall to the safety of the grass on the other side. It was difficult, because his hand and wrist were hurting. He's not sure how he hadn't noticed the pain before.

Clancy examined his wrist, and decided to radio for an ambulance. Dylan protested a little, but Clancy said that if his wrist was broken, he'd need proper medical attention.

At that, he'd unexpectedly begun to cry, and blurted out, "If my wrist is broken, I won't be able to play the piano!"

The whole scenario was so ridiculous and surreal. Nothing made sense, and he thought perhaps nothing ever would again.

For her part, Clancy sat beside him in the grass and held his good hand while they waited for the paramedics to get there. It probably wasn't protocol, but Dylan wasn't about to complain. If he'd ever needed grounding, it was in that moment, and Clancy's fingers wrapped around his were at least keeping him anchored to his sanity, however tenuously.

The paramedics determined that his wrist was likely not broken, but said that he needed to go to the hospital for an x-ray, just to be on the safe side. They whisked him off to Willow Creek General, where he'd had to explain what’d happened to half a dozen different nurses and technicians as well as the doctor.

His wrist is not broken, but his left ring finger is. They'd had to take his wedding ring off him, and the sight of it lying in a small tray on a nearby metal table while the doctor splinted his fractured finger and bandaged his wrist filled him with emotions he didn't even have a description for.

The doctor explained that his wrist is only mildly sprained, and should feel better in a week or so. His finger will take longer to heal, perhaps a month to six weeks, and he may even need some physical therapy afterwards.

No piano for four to six weeks, and physical therapy besides. If he'd thought things were bad before, they've gone from bad to worse. Resentfully, he thinks maybe he should've found a better place to jump than into the canal. He wants to laugh at the bitter irony of it all.

When the doctor left and a personal care worker came to take him to a temporary room, she asked if there was anyone Dylan wanted her to contact for him. He said no. If she could bring him the bag the paramedics had put all his stuff in, he could use his own phone to call somebody himself. She agreed, and a few minutes later, he was sitting on the bed with a clear plastic bag, rooting among his grungy clothes to locate his phone.

He'd scrolled right past Zahir's name at the top of his contacts list, and called his brother instead.

“Are they gonna admit you?” Derek is asking him now.

"What?" Dylan looks up at him. "Yeah, they want to."

"And what do you want?"

“I want to get the hell out of here before Zahir or Mom shows up, or before somebody comes in with paperwork,” Dylan tells him. “They want to do a mental health evaluation or some shit. They think I’m suicidal.”

“The cops found you over the side of the canal, bro. You’re seriously telling me you're not?"

Dylan shrugs. “I don’t know," he says. " Maybe a little bit. Not really."

"What's that supposed to mean? How can you be 'a little bit' suicidal?"

"I just want to stop feeling like my whole life is pointless, not that I want to stop living it," he says. "I want the pain to stop and, you know... if not waking up tomorrow fixes it, I'm okay with that."

"Hate to break it to you, but that's suicidal."

"It's only suicidal if you're actually trying to die," Dylan says. "I'm not trying to. All I'm saying is that it'd be nice not to wake up in a shit ton of mental pain."

"Oh," says Derek. "Well, I got the perfect cure for mental pain, and dying's not it. Why don't we bust outta here, and I'll take you to my place?”

“I’m supposed to be at a support group meeting right now," Dylan says.

“The pregnant dude support group, you mean?”

“Yeah,” Dylan says.

“I gotta say, letting aliens impregnate you in some freaky science experiment is seriously messed up.”

“Can we not discuss it, please?”

“Fine. So, you want me to take you to your weird science support group instead?” Derek asks

“What? No… I was just thinking out loud. That’s the last place I want to be, or the next-to-last place, at least,” Dylan says. “But they’re probably wondering where I am.”

“You can always text somebody,” Derek suggests. “Make up some shit to explain why you’re not there that doesn’t sound too crazy.”

“I could do that,” Dylan agrees.

“Awesome. You can do it on the way.”

“To your place?”

“If that’s where you want to go, yeah,” Derek says. “We better haul ass if we’re gonna get there without any trouble, though.”

“What about Zahir?”

“That asshole? He’s not invited to my house.”

"The police probably already told him I'm here,” Dylan says.

"So?" says Derek. "By the time he shows up, you'll be long gone."

"If he finds out where I am, he'll try to make me come back here. He'll say it's for my own good, and that he's trying to do what's in my best interests."

"My guess is, it'll be pretty easy for him to figure out where you are. But, you know he fuckin' hates the trailer park, and he thinks we’re all deadbeats and criminals. You think he’d risk his fancy rich ass coming around to my place? You'll be safe there," Derek says. "Anyway, what does he know about your best interests? From what I can tell, it's his fault you're in here in the first place. Besides, he's not the boss of you. What do you want to do?"

“I’d rather stay with you for a while."

“All right, then. You got it.”

“I need a break from the stress at home,” Dylan says.

“No stress at my house,” his brother assures him. “I’m not gonna get in your face and tell you what to do. You can eat whatever you want, sleep till noon, park yourself in front of the TV all day… whatever, bro. It’s all good at Chez Middleton.”

Dylan’s laugh comes out as a strangled noise that sounds as if it’s trapped halfway up his throat and has forgotten how to get free. “Chez Middleton? You make it sound like a five-star hotel or something.”

“Nah. It’s way better than a five-star hotel,” Derek says. “At a hotel, you’d have to pay extra for the x-rated movies and you’d have to wear pants in the dining room.”

"Speaking of dining, know what I really want?"

"Pizza?"

"Yeah." Dylan says. "Go ahead and tell me I'm pathetic."

"Why would I do that? Personally, I’m down for pizza and wings tonight, and maybe some of those snack cakes with the caramel in them.”

Dylan smiles hesitantly. "Really?"

"Shit, bro. He really has been keeping you away from all the good stuff, hasn't he? Your face looks exactly like Harley's when I cook bacon and I let her have some."

"I am pathetic."

"No, you're not. You're just too nice of a guy to stand up to your husband’s bullshit. When was the last time you actually got to eat something you wanted?"

"August," Dylan tells him.

"That's harsh."

"It gets worse. No sex either, and no going in the hot tub. And he makes me do what he calls 'light exercise' every damn day."

"Fuck," is all Derek says.

"Yeah."

"Seriously, though? No sex?"

"Apparently, it's too strenuous," Dylan says. "Not that I even feel like it these days anyway, but still. And before you ask about the hot tub, according to the doctor, it's too hot. It can raise your body temperature too much and harm the fetus, supposedly."

"Right," Derek says. "Sounds fake, but okay."

"That's what I thought."

"Anyway, here’s the plan. Tell me what you think," says Derek. "We'll stop and get a couple boxes of those caramel cakes, and a case of beer on the way home. Then, I say we stuff ourselves with pizza and cake, get drunk as fuck, and play video games until we can’t keep our eyes open any more. I promise you won't feel like your life sucks after that. Then, in the morning, we'll talk, okay? ‘Cause I got a feeling you need to, even if you don’t want to right this second.”

"There's just one problem," Dylan says.

"What is it?"

He holds up his arm with the patient ID bracelet on it. "It's not like I can just walk out of here without being noticed."

"Sure, you can," says Derek. "Don't worry. I've got just the thing. Gimme your arm."

"What are you going to do?"

Derek wiggles a tiny folding knife out of the front pocket of his jeans, and flicks it open. Dylan obediently holds out his arm. Within seconds, the thin plastic bracelet is lying on the floor.

Derek grins. "There you go. Now, hurry up and put your clothes on. You don't expect to make a clean getaway with your ass hanging out, do you?"

It takes Dylan less than a minute to pull on his shirt and sweatpants. He shoves his feet into his sneakers without bothering to put his socks on. He puts his keys and phone into one pocket of his pants, and crams his balled-up socks into the other.

"What are we gonna do with the bag?" he asks.

"Give it to me," Derek says.

Dylan hands it to him. Derek scoops the discarded bracelet off the floor and drops it into the plastic bag. Then, he folds both the bag and the hospital gown neatly and hides them under the pillow on the narrow bed. Rubbing his hands together, he declares, "There. Done. Time to hit the road."

They stroll casually from the room, and Dylan keeps his bandaged hand in his pocket so as not to draw attention to it. To Dylan's amazement, nobody says anything as they make their way through the busy emergency department and out the door. By the time they reach Derek's beat up green van in the parking lot, they're both laughing.

As soon as they're clear of the parking area, Derek floors the accelerator, and then they're speeding toward the trailer park on the outskirts of Willow Creek like two fugitives fleeing the reach of the law. Dylan feels a little like that, if he's being honest. They're not doing anything illegal, but the idea that they're flouting authority gives him the sense that they are, and he gets a new adrenaline rush of a completely different kind.

"This is crazy!" Dylan exclaims over the music blasting from the radio.

"What'd you expect?" says Derek. "You're rolling with me, aren't you?"

All Dylan can do is lean back in his seat and laugh, really laugh, like he hasn't felt like doing in almost two months. He knows his problems aren't anywhere near being solved, and that Derek's solution isn't really a solution at all, but it doesn't matter. All he wants at the moment is to be free of the rules, free of the feeling of being trapped, free from Zahir's relentless nagging and the dismal prospect of more salad and whole wheat bread.

When they pass through the wide gate in the chain link fence surrounding the trailer park, Dylan is struck by an overwhelming sense of coming home. The sight of the run-down houses and mobile homes, overgrown lawns, old vehicles and random junk is oddly comforting, and he immediately finds himself beginning to relax.

Maybe it'll be okay, he tells himself. Maybe I will start to feel better if I stay here for a while.

It's a nice thought and he wants it to be true, even though deep down he realizes that it'll take more than a few days of hanging out with his brother and enjoying himself to sort out the mess in his head. But, at least he'll have a break from the madness. He can worry about his problems later.

In the meantime, he's going to soak in the hot tub, play with the dog, watch action movies, sleep till noon every day, and eat until he can't hold another bite.

[anika-ann]

Conundrum (A.B.)

Type: One-shot, challenge fic

Pairing: Andy Barber x fem!reader    Word Count: 7700 (:

Summary: conundrum - a confusing and difficult problem or question

Andy Barber is a difficult man whom you have yet to understand. He certainly doesn’t make it any easier; and right before Christmas, he manages to surprise you again.

Prompt: You have to look for a gift impromptu

Warnings: a smidge of angst, a drop of awkward humour, mention of death (mild AU - both Laurie and Jacob!), alcohol consumption, feels, explicit language, reader gets called a dumbass... that’s it I hope, lemme know

A/N:  This is my submission for the Happy Hoelidays challenge. There’s no hoeing tho, shame on me. Also, if you want some music to go with this, know that I listened to ‘God I Hope This Year Is Better Than the Last’ by SYML an obscene amount of times.

Andy Barber was an enigma.

Reporters liked to think he wasn’t; almost a year ago, they tore down all the walls he had built up to protect the privacy of his family and they shed light into startingly intimate details of his life – and where they couldn’t shed light, they used their imagination and sold it with a claim of having a reliable source. Naturally, it worked; there were always people willing to believe it just so they obtained more of juicy gossip material.

There were wanabe psychologists who would address his trauma and tried to analyse his personality, the consequences he would suffer in the aftermath of the tragedy, who attempted to strip down his soul just to get a few more reads and generally talked about him as if they were best friends, as if they knew him.

It was all a load of bullshit.

The truth, you thought, was that no one knew him. If you were being honest, you weren’t sure if even his wife ever had, truly – but that was you under the influence of the little information you bothered to gather from the influx of crap that the media provided the public with.

What you believed was that the reporters and all the self-proclaimed experts on him knew nada.

Andrew Barber was and always would remain an enigma; to the public, to the little what remained of his family after the death of his wife and son, to his co-workers – the category which included you. If you could even call yourself a co-worker; you were simply a secretary. Granted, one whose previous employer let her peek over their shoulder quite a bit so you learned a thing or two about law, but Andy Barber was the lawyer. The former DA from Boston, who moved over to rule the DA office of Portland, your home.

Even after having been working with him for nine full months, Andy’s thoughts and feelings didn’t get any easier for you to read or predict. When he wanted to let you know he was disappointed, he did. When he was truly angry with someone, well, he wouldn’t let it go unnoticed either.

Other than that, however, you would have had better luck trying to decode the actual enigma-encrypted messages sent during World War II.

Small talk didn’t last longer than three sentences from you each. Work-related affaires were discussed in his office with politeness and with calm, rather dispassionate mannerism. If you caught a hint of a smile when an important case that helped people went his way (or the office’s way really), you considered it a miracle that sent your heart reeling.

He would sometimes smile only for you if you brought him a coffee without him asking first, simply because he looked like he needed one; at those times, he would thank you softly and let slip in your first name instead of referring to you with your last. Those were your favourite moments.

Well, almost.

You found him with a tumbler and an expensive whiskey on occasion when you were leaving the office late; you never commented on it, but there were four times he actually silently invited you to have a glass with him. You refused the first time and accepted the other three.

Those nights, you got a glimpse of the mystery of a man hidden behind surprisingly soft mannerism, one which was in such a sharp contrast to his shark-like demeanour he displayed in front of the judge and the jury. His scars ran deep, his hopes had been shattered, his life in the past year as bitter as the overpriced liquor. Your heart cracked for him to the point of nearly breaking altogether.

And yet, it was beating for him too; behind all that hurt, you couldn’t but notice certain gentleness. Yes, he could be scary, downright terrifying and when his temper got the best of him, the true rage on display, he was a force to be reckoned with. But oh, that gentleness. The kind shattered soul he hid so well every morning, more so on the days right after your little heart-to-hearts. Trying to build a working relationship with him – a friendship of a sort, anything you wanted to call it – was a game of push and pull and more of a string of guesses than an effort that would bore fruit.

You might have already given up on that and instead, with the ferocity you hadn’t known you possessed, you kept punching the crush you had on him; that silly thing that would always call louder and louder after he revealed a piece of him on one of the precious nights, only to shut you out completely the next morning.

Andy Barber had never even remotely showed a romantic interest in you and by God, did you not blame him for not being interested in anyone at all as far you knew. While you considered yourself a fairly capable worker and half-decent person, you were aware you could never measure up to him. Just another reason to push down the feelings you had for him, ones that seemed to bloom with more intensity whenever he raised the corners of his damn lips, when he asked a question about you during those stupid nights as if he cared— nonsense. You had to get rid of those. He didn’t even like you, barely acknowledged you in the end. Or did he? You honestly didn’t know.

Bottom line was that if you couldn’t get close enough, then the reporters knew jack shit, no matter how much reading on him they had done or how many books on psychology, criminology and law and shit they went through. Many people knew Andrew Barber’s name, but no one could hope to know him.

And yet, those assholes still called and asked about him.

It was the fourth one that day; December 23rd, over a year from the accusation of Jacob Barber, and those fucking vultures still called Andy Barber’s office. They weren’t even good newspapers and news sites anymore; obviously, because every rational decent person would have let the poor man rest. But nope. Not them.

“Portland’s DA office, secretary of Mr. Barber speaking. How may I help you?”

“Oh, wonderful! Is there any chance I could talk to Mr. Barber personally?” the chipper of a man asked on the other end of the line and just by not giving his name, he raised suspicion; was it forgetfulness caused by his distress or intention?

Fortunately for him and unfortunately for you, you had to be polite. Hot-shot lawyers and other important people rarely returned the courtesy, but that was the world you lived in.

“There might be, Mr-?”

“Oh, Connor. Peter Connor.”

“Well, Mr. Connor, what is your legal issue?” you asked patiently, writing down his name automatically.

“Well, you see, I would rather talk with Mr. Barber about—my delicate situation, in private.”

Your eyes narrowed as you stopped scribbling and spared a brief glance towards the door to Andy’s office. It was opened ajar in what could be an invitation, but all blinds on both the door and the windows were down in typical fashion.

Talk in private?

Yeah, not gonna happen. You knew a few tricks that these assholes calling the office tended to pull and whoever this man was, you were growing more suspicious by the minute that he was not seeking legal advice.

You went back to your notes and wrote down the word liar right next to his name and a question mark. Was he a liar? One way to find out you guessed; you caught your phone between your ear and your shoulder, opening a new tab in your browser to google the name along with a wild guess of him being a reporter.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Connor, I’m afraid I will need more information before I put you through. And I will probably need to make you an appointment, my boss is a very busy man-“

“Oh, is he? Lots of cases in Andrew Barber’s new district, huh?”

The blood in your veins was set aflame even before the search was done, because in an instant, you knew for sure.

And then you had it confirmed by the results.

This jerk had even given you his real name, utterly shameless. Sure, he could have only had the same name as the journalist you found, but what were the chances? Two days after you told his colleague – who had made it through your vetting, got an appointment and even got past the reception desk before you spotted him for what he was – to get lost and not try again?

Your pulse skyrocketed along with your blood pressure. Technically, you didn’t owe Andrew Barber anything, but he was respectful enough, didn’t make much trouble and for most time, was an okay boss to you.

You owed him this much: he was a decent guy. Why couldn’t other people show a shed of basic human decency too and leave him the fuck alone?

“That depends, Mr. Connor,” you purred, barely holding the outrage locked inside. You felt both energized by your anger and achingly tired and done with humanity. You rested your elbows on the desk and leaned onto it with a sigh, massaging the bridge of your nose, eyes closed. “Is he going to have to sue your rag of a newspaper or will you and your colleagues finally get the memo and leave. His. Personal. Life. Alone?!”

You most definitely strained the last words through your teeth, but you didn’t care anymore if you were being rude. He was the fourth reporter today ready to ask about Andy’s personal matters. The FOURTH!! He was lucky you didn’t tell him to go fuck himself… explicitly.

“Are you threatening me?” the man demanded, his voice insulted, losing all traced of pretence.

As if you ever. You knew better than that, working with lawyers.

“Nice try, Mr. Connor.  I will thank you to never call this office again unless you have legal issues or a relevant question which you should direct to our PR department anyway. And if you could extend this to all editorial staff, please, preferably to all editorial staff in the United States, that would be splendid. Have a good day. Happy Holidays.”

You slammed the phone down, missing the slot for it, not caring. You were sure he would hang up on his own.

“Asshole,” you muttered under your breath and hid your face in your palms, grunting, fingertips sinking into your hair.

“I hope you don’t mean me,” sounded from the doorway and you yelped, honest to god yelped and straightened in your seat, head snapping up-

-only to meet your boss’ curious gaze. Hurt and anger casted shadows over his beautiful cerulean irises, but there was no mistaking the melancholy and resignation on his face either.

“Of course not!” you blurted out quickly, panic rising in your chest.

How much had he heard? Was he going to fire you for being unprofessional? Did he figure out what was this about— of course he did, there was little room left for doubt. Your choice of words was pretty straightforward.

Andy bounced off of the doorframe he was leaning onto, not easing his stance – his arms remained crossed over his chest and had you not been so alarmed, you would have indulged in the sight of his biceps nearly cutting through the seams of his shirt.

“Why do I get the impression that whoever you were talking to was not the first person to call the office to feed on ‘the misery man’ that Andrew Barber is?” he more stated than asked, his tone unmistakably bitter.

You gulped as he approached your desk, nails digging into your palms. You had no idea what to say. Once again, you couldn’t quite read Andy; you had no idea where this was heading and how you should answer without setting him off, making him sadder or even more bitter. And without getting fired, obviously.

“I—uhm, well, I suppose you heard me, so you know he wasn’t the first—Mr. Barber. I apologize-“ His eyebrows rose a fraction and you didn’t dare to analyse why. “-if I was too loud. But--- humanity sucks.”

The moment the last two words left your mouth, you instantly regretted them, snapping your eyelids close and squeezing. You were sure you were about to have bloody crescents in your palms from your nails at this point.

Did you really just say that? To your boss, no less?

Way to go, me.

“Not wrong there. Why don’t you take your lunch break now?” he offered casually.

You nodded as you felt the tell-tale burn of tears forming in your eyes; fuck, this was humiliating. Why had he had to walk in exactly in that moment? And now using that tone?

He didn’t say anything else and you didn’t dare to look at him. Only when you heard him walk back to his office and close the door behind him, you opened your eyes and released the breath you were holding, your heart hammering in your chest.

Gulping and swallowing your tears before they could escape, you grabbed your purse and your coat, rushing out to the cold air of Portland winter.

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Andy didn’t bring up the incident again when you came back. You had a short list of assignments for the upcoming days off which you went over with him before parting ways for the holidays. You mentioned you would probably drop in tomorrow despite not necessarily having to, but wished him Happy Holidays in case you’d miss him during your brief visit.

The corners of his lips twitched at that, but he wished you the same. You supposed his holidays weren’t about to be happy – more like the opposite. Last year, he celebrated with his family, even if it might have been already falling apart. This year however…

Your heart cracked another fraction for the man and you wondered if you should leave some cookies for him in the office tomorrow at least. Then you realized he would probably hate it, either being bitter about feeling like a charity case or hating the reminder of what he had lost, what wasn’t waiting for him at home anymore. Not to mention that maybe even the poinsettia, which you had placed on his office window two days ago and neither of you commented on, was already too much.

The only cookies you baked that night were the ones you knew should stay in a box with apples for over a day, the cookies you were supposed to bring to your sister’s house for Christmas, because your nephew Harry loved them.

With cheesy Christmas songs in the background and a bottle of wine for the party of one, you kneaded the double batch of dough and couldn’t but spare your achingly handsome and likely lonely boss a thought and maybe… maybe a tear or two.

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The office was empty when you arrived on 24th at around half past four; everyone left as soon as possible, which was to be expected. Admittedly, despite not knowing what you would talk about with Andy, you found your heart sinking when you didn’t see light peeking through the blinds of your and his offices. You had expected him to be working to avoid being at home; but then again, you knew next to nothing about him. Maybe he was with a girlfriend. With a boyfriend. With former colleagues. With his deceased wife’s family. It was only assumption of yours that he might be lonely on Christmas.

You shook your head at your train of thought as you unlocked your office, mentally going over which files you needed to bring home, trying to eliminate the amount as not to endanger confidential information by taking them away from the safety of the bureau.

You froze in your tracks when you found a rather large piece of paper folded into a roof on your desk. A note, you realized, frowning and slowly walking to the suspicious object.

There were very few people who could enter your space, namely three: the janitor, you and Andy. The first option was unlikely, the second impossible, the third confusing. You didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just shoot you a text if he needed anything.

You halted in your steps, the air knocked out of your lungs when you noticed that the note was not the only new item on your desk.

There was a box.

A box roughly size of your extended palm. And if you weren’t mistaken… it looked like a jewellery gift box.

“What the hell?” you asked yourself breathlessly, your curiosity getting the best of you; more so as you recognized what was most definitely Andy’s handwriting on the paper.

Andrew Barber, your boss, with whom you weren’t sure what your relationship was – if there was any at all – might have got you jewellery.

Say that again?

A tiny voice in your head told you he might have just used the box for something else entirely, but that didn’t seem to be his style.

So you picked up the gift carefully, almost reverently removing the lid, your heart pounding in your chest, stomach twisting with pleasant anticipation; with the familiar rush that kids feel when opening a present with high hopes of what could await them inside.

Your lips parted in pure shock, you mind turning blank.

There were no words in English language to express how… how absolutely magnificent the bracelet inside was.

Five thin circles with symbols made of slender lines inside, looking like charms, but withing the body of the bracelet, one clasped to the next one with delicate ellipses. The metal reflected the fluorescent lights of the office, glimmering softly, appearing almost fluid, a thin stream of water trapped in a box.

You actually had to blink and it took all your willpower not to pinch yourself, because—how-

How had he known? Where had he got it? Holy mother of Jesus, how much had he spent on it?

And why get you a gift in the first place? You were… acquaintances at best. Yes, there were almost friendly moments, and then there were those nights, but this was---this- you couldn’t even---- think, apparently.

Keeping an eye on the opened box, you gently placed it back on the desk, afraid to even touch the metal itself. You blindly reached into your purse in search for your phone to dial the only number that made sense for you to dial at that moment.

It sure as hell wasn’t Andy’s.

Nothing but a dialling tone sounded for half a minute, the time seemingly endless. You fell heavily into your chair, still staring at the absolutely gorgeous and thoughtful gift.

How did he know?!

You fought the urge to roll your eyes as your sister still didn’t answer the phone and your hand automatically reached for your necklace to toy with.

And that was when it hit you.

Your necklace; one you got from your sister during the period of your biggest obsession with the Divergence series. Two arrows in a circle pointing different directions, the symbol for a ‘divergent’ person. Your eyes wandered over the five circles of the bracelet – scales, an eye, hands connected, a flame, a tree –, an incredulous chuckle escaping you.

But--- you didn’t think he would notice. You didn’t even wear it all the time, rather often, yes, and yeah, perhaps you did have a bit of a bad habit of fumbling with it when nervous-

“Hey sis! What’s up?” Amber’s voice sounded cheerily from the microphone. You jumped in your seat, startled by her as she interrupted your musing. “Please tell me you’re still coming, because Harry wouldn’t shut up about his favourite chocolate chip.”

You cleared your throat, barely able to comprehend what she was talking about, too caught up in your head.

“I—hi. Uhm- I need help actually,” you finally stuttered and you could practically feel her frown even over the phone.

“Oh? Is everything okay? You sound… a little strange.”

“That’s-“ not wrong. You scanned the office and listened in for the tinniest noise, making sure you were still alone. “I’m at the office and I--eh, I found a gift for me.”

“Awww, a secret admirer? Nice!” Amber chuckled, then abruptly stopped. “…unless it’s a stalker. You don’t think you have a stalker, right? Is that why you called me, so I could tell George? He’s not on duty-“

This time you did roll your eyes at the mention of her husband who happened to be a police officer.

“No, Amber, I have no stalker as far as I know. I’m pretty sure I can recognize my boss’ handwriting at this point.”

Nothing but silence could be heard from the other end for a good minute. You bit your lip in anticipation of… something.

And then: “You’re shitting me.”

“Not really-“

“Holy mother of-!” your sister squealed loudly and you winced, instinctively withdrawing from the phone. “Your boss got you a Christmas present?! --Wait. Is it a Walmart card? Because if it is, then this call is pointless, because that’s boring as-“

“No, Amber, he—he gave me a bracelet,” you admitted softly, your gaze once again wandering over the said object. Beautiful. Fragile. Yours, apparently. What?

When Amber only responded with silence again, words suddenly spilled from your lips, all the mixed feelings you had about receiving the bracelet released, relief singing in your veins as you vented.

“And-and it’s actually really beautiful and--- it’s thoughtful, because it has all the fractions from Divergence on it? But not like something you buy for ten dollars, only paying for the copyright or whatever and the quality is shitty, no, I mean--- it looks pretty, eh, delicate.”

It did, awfully so, which was why you still couldn’t make yourself to touch it even if you really, really liked it and wanted to do nothing but to wear it for the rest of your damn life.

“And expensive. I-- I think it might be real silver and…” you wavered, almost scared to share your last observation out loud for it seemed impossible for it to be true. “Amber, you know I looked through a lot of Divergence-related goods so I would know. It- it doesn’t look familiar at all, it’s--- I think it might be custom-made.”

You choked on the last word, tasting so strange on your tongue as you couldn’t quite believe that you were saying it. You felt--- incredulous to put it simply… and touched and- absolutely bewildered.

Silence stretched in the follow-up to your rambling and you felt your brows drawing together.

“…Amber? You there?”

“Oh yeah, I’m here,” she assured you swiftly, mischief curling around the tone of her voice like a smirk on her lips you couldn’t see. “Just wondering how could you not tell me you started sleeping with him-“

“What?! No!” you protested instantly, straightening in the chair. “I’m not—I’m not his sugar baby or whatever! This is not a ‘thank you for letting me fuck you raw’ gift-“

“Not that you would complain from what I heard and saw-“ she hummed playfully.

She was right. But shush!

“Screw you!”

“George does, that’s why we have Harry in the first place,” she sassed you. “But… sis? What kind of a gift it is then?”

And wasn’t that the question.

“I… I don’t know.”

“Well, you should, because from what you told me, you guys aren’t even friends. Nota bene, this isn’t exactly a gift you give to a friend,” she pointed out, addressing one of the million issues concerning the damn (gorgeous) bracelet.

“I-- I guess?” You were sure, in fact. This was something to give to a… well, to a lover, to a partner. “But- Amber, he doesn’t--- that’s not-“

“What did the note say?”

“Huh?”

“You said you recognized his handwriting,” she reminded you slowly as if speaking to a five-year-old. “What does the note say?”

You glanced at the note again noncommittally, remembering exactly what it said. Pretty much nothing. Definitely nothing to go on.

“Uhm… Thank you. Happy Holidays.”

There was a beat of silence, again. “That’s it?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Eloquent.” You rolled your eyes at her sarcastic tone. She should see him at court. True though, on personal level, he wasn’t exactly chatty. Unless he opened up a bit over a glass of whiskey--- anyway, she had a point, obviously. “What are you gonna do?”

That snapped you from your musing like a shot of life into your bloodstream.

“That’s why I’m calling! I should-- I should get him something too, right?” Right?! Absolutely. “Oh god, I hate last-minute shopping. And I don’t even have a fucking clue what to buy! Well, a good whiskey is always a safe bet I guess, but supporting his drinking habits doesn’t sound like a good idea. Plus, it’s kinda… impersonal with comparison to what he gave me.”

Though if there was one thing you learned about Andy Barber, it was that he could appreciate the high-quality liquor, so perhaps it wouldn’t have been as impersonal as one might think.

“Well, I don’t know him so I can’t really help, but what you got from him should definitely give you a clue.”

“A clue?” you parroted, confused.

“I don’t mean like a clue for what you should buy him. But… look, even if you didn’t suspect that it’s custom-made, which whoa, he has to pay a lot of attention to buy you something like this. Much more attention than you thought.”

“…okay?”

“He likes you, you dumbass! It doesn’t matter what you get him, he’ll be happy you got him anything in the first place!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” you deadpanned, unsure which statement you were referring to. That he liked you or that you shouldn’t take care to choose something that would really bring him at least a little joy.

You tried your best to ignore how your heart skipped the beat at the former.

“Whatever. Harry’s throwing a hungry eye on me, I gotta go fix him a snack unless I want him to eat all the candy again. Good luck!”

“Amber!“ you called out in honest despair, panic rising in your chest, only to get no answer.

You pulled the phone from your ear to look at the screen, already knowing what awaited you.

Disconnected.

Fuck.

It seemed you were on your own. Wasn’t that wonderful?

You shot your sister a simple ‘I hate you’ text, the gears in your head already turning frantically in order to figure out what you could get Andy.  

Amber replied with a set of laughing emojis within seconds. Bitch, leaving you alone to deal with a situation like this! What a sister she was.

You sighed, admiring the delicate lines of the bracelet again, torn between indulgence and guilt. There was no questioning whether you should buy Andy something too.

Say yay for the last-minute shopping for a man out of your league and whom you had no idea what you should get.

You were utterly at loss, growing anxious not only about the difficult choice of a gift, but also about possible delivery, wondering what should you even tell him and when.

Maybe though…. just maybe, you were getting kinda excited about what you were about to do too.

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Three hours.

You spent almost three hours at the mall where you could barely breathe because of the crazy crowds and yet you were none the wiser; your excitement left you quickly, once again replaced by despair. It took you three hours and passing the lingerie shop four times, a shop with pieces on display that barely covered anything, intended for either bedroom games or a swimming pool, before it finally hit you.

You cursed under your breath, calling yourself an idiot in murmur loud enough to have few people around you look at you in surprise.

“Dumbass, I’m such a dumbass,” you continued your monologue as you fished out your phone, quickly scrolling through your contacts.

To say that the person on the other end was shocked to hear from you at this time of month and hour was an understatement.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Lee. I have… eh, a favour to ask…”

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You were being ridiculous.

Absolutely and utterly ridiculous as you stood on a modest porch in front of a small family house, the roof hiding you from the intrusive drizzle but not keeping you quite safe from the wind as you clutched your handbag to your side as if it was your lifeline, cursing yourself for not wearing a scarf in December.

Your nose was practically freezing, your cheeks burned from the wind and your hands were cold too, because you were stupidly underdressed; as if you haven’t lived in Portland your whole life.

But that wasn’t the main issue; an Uber dropped you off about five minutes ago and still, here you were, standing outside and trying to convince yourself to ring the bell.

The plan had been to finish packing a bag and leave around 10 p.m. to your sister’s house, where you would spend the night so you could be with her family on Christmas Day from the very beginning. But then Andrew fucking Barber, your fabulous boss, left a gift in your office, a breath-taking bracelet now sitting low on your right wrist, and it all went to hell.

Maybe you could still make it to your sister’s house – it was shortly after nine, your bag waiting on your bed, so maybe you should just call another Uber and be on your way. Maybe you could leave the silly envelope in the post-box just so you wouldn’t have to deal with Andy’s reaction; after all, he had chosen the same approach; cookies be damned, there would be more left for Harry then-

But you really, really wanted to thank him. And you might be shitting your pants, but the prospect of seeing him in a domestic environment, possibly more relaxed, perhaps nearing the man you had had the honour to see on those nights… you couldn’t make yourself to pass on that opportunity.

At the same time, you kept reminding yourself that Andy did not expect to see you tonight, he might not even be home – you were pretty sure a dim light was coming from the living room, the TV on probably, but yeah, you could keep lying to yourself – and that he might be grieving and genuinely might hate you for invading his privacy since you had to search his home address in the official documents.

Yeah, you definitely should just spin on your heels and-

“Oh for God’s sake,” you muttered under your breath and pressed the doorbell, your heart suddenly hammering in your ribcage as you realized there were no takebacks now. “Shit.”

Maybe you should just run. What if he had fallen asleep already and you just woke him up?! Oh, he was so going to be pissed and he might even show that emotion, screaming you down like he did one with that intern-

A scruffle on the other side of the door snapped you from your hopeless expectations and you sucked in a horrified breath.

And then the door slid open before you could react and you were certain you looked like a deer caught in the headlights, a semi-frozen deer to make the situation worse and--- there he was.

You quickly dropped your gaze, only then realizing how rude that was and that you should meet his eye no matter how much you did and did not want to do so at the same time. As you gaze travelled up, you found that a domestic Andy was everything you imagined he would be; black socks, loose dark grey sweats, pale t-shirt slightly wrinkled. One of his arms hung loosely by his side, the other still at the door-knob as you continued your inspection, gaze caressing the line of his bare forearm, reaching the sleeves that were hugging his biceps precisely. Broad shoulders, perfectly trimmed beard framing plush lips with the slightest hint of a curious smile.

You smiled awkwardly as your eyes met his watching you with interest, dimmed with a hint of a doze-off you must have woken him up from. You tried not to dwell on the inconspicuous redness surrounding his irises.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up!” you blurted out quickly, rewarded with a light shake of his head and a stifled yawn; subtle.

“You didn’t. Hi,” he greeted you, only to make you realize that 1. you forgot to say hi and 2. his post-nap voice was a thing from wet dreams-- which was definitely not relevant at that moment.

“Hi,” you offered unsurely, eyes roaming his face, searching for any trace of anger. All you found was bewilderment; if pleasant or not, you couldn’t tell.

“I’m sorry for barging in. I just… uhm- I wanted to thank you and-“

The hint of a smile on his lips grew a fraction, expression softening at your admission and before you could find your footing, he opened the door further, subtly extending his hand to usher you in.

Your heart skipped a beat, the strangest feeling tickling your gut, teeth sinking into your lower lip, the grip on your handbag growing stronger. Yet you accepted, taking two reluctant steps inside. The door clicked shut behind you, sealing whatever fate awaited you.

Attempting not to look too nosy, you turned back to Andy rather than scanning the hall.

Words got stuck in your throat. As tired as he looked, worn to a bone by everything but physical exercise, you couldn’t but marvel at what a handsome man he was, even without his smart suits and ties and neatly styled fluffy hair; it was still very fluffy, just more of a mess than a fashion statement.

God, wasn’t he beautiful.

He kept looking at you too in mute anticipation of something, appearing mildly lost just as you were, giving the impression of a man who couldn’t tell what to expect.

Your gaze locked with his, unyielding, a gorgeous trap and you knew you had to say or do something before your heart gave out entirely.

Your mouth opened, no words coming out and you cursed yourself, simply opening the bag and pulling out a Tupperware box with half the cookies you baked last night, practically shoving it to Andy’s capable hands.

He accepted the item with eyebrows shooting up once before settling back, eyes misting for a moment. His fingertips brushed yours as he took a firm hold of the box, the not-quite-there smile of his remaining on his lips.

He seemed perplexed.

You felt like an idiot.

“This feels so silly now,” you admitted with a sigh, realizing the absurdity of the situation only accented by the fact that you stood there in the hall of his home in your coat and high-boots, ridiculously overdressed in comparison to him.

“It’s not,” he whispered finally, forcing the corners of his mouth to rise higher. “Thank you. Didn’t know you baked. Should have figured.”

You shrugged. “Never came up.”

Something shifted in his expression as did in the air; you knew he sensed it too. The unspoken hung between you, that you meant not in your daily routine at the office, but on your private nights, so rare and precious, so desperately pretended to be non-existent the next morning.

Your gaze lowered as the silence fell on your pair again and you awkwardly shifted your weight from one leg to the other. His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“So, uh-“

“Thank you for the bracelet. Really. It was-” you licked your lips, meeting his eyes again, so deep, so blue and somehow soft and you forgot what you were about to say. “Eh- I wasn’t expecting it. I-- I didn’t think you’d… notice. And--- care.”

His brows furrowed for a bit and he placed the box on the shoe rack next to him; an action he soon regretted you guessed, because his fingers went for his wrist as if he wanted to readjust his cufflinks, a nervous habit of his, only to meet bare skin. Good to know you weren’t the only one iffy in this conversation.

“But you liked it?” he asked almost shyly and the corners of your lips rose on instinct as did you right hand, the sleeve of your coat sliding down a fraction, enough to reveal the new accessory.  “Looks pretty on you.”

Your breath hitched as his fingers gently slid over one of the symbols, brushing over the sensitive skin of your wrist. His gaze returned to yours, a flicker of something heated in his eyes, calling butterflies to your stomach.

Lord have mercy.

“Thanks- uhm--- thank you. Here, I got you something too.” You quickly reached into the handbag again to hide how flustered you felt – for a different reason than awkwardness.

He had touched your wrist and you turned into a blushing mess. Fabulous. And to make the matter more humiliating, now a twinkle of amusement played in his irises.

“You gave me a plant. And cookies.”

“Yeah. Kinda? But that was more of a… gesture?” you offered reluctantly as you handed him the envelope. “I uh—this is probably stupid, but, uhm--- here.”

“Stop putting yourself down,” he muttered darkly, causing your cheeks to burn hotter. “Thank you. You didn’t have to get me anything.” Pulling out the firm colourful paper, he blinked a few times, seemingly surprised. Ha, you bet he expected a Walmart card! Instead, there was a voucher for five entrances to the swimming pool where your friend Lee worked at. “Oh. Thank you. That’s really nice of you.”

A stone the size of Texas fell from your stomach and you couldn’t help the sigh of relief. Andy seemed genuinely pleased by your choice of gift and you felt your whole body relax.

“It’s just… eh, just for half an hour each and you can pick them on a horizon of three months. I’m not sure how often you like going, so… uhm, my friend works at the place, so you just give her a call and it shouldn’t be a problem to book it for mornings right before the opening hours,” you explained lamely, earning a puzzled look.

“How did you know I liked going when no one’s there?”

That caused one corner of your lips twitch in slight amusement and your eyebrow arch, even if his reasons weren’t exactly funny; his cheeks flushed a hint of red, a sight to behold for more than one reason. It was nice to have the roles reserved, you making him feel flustered for once.

Really? The rather quiet lone-wolf Andy Barber, followed by reporters still, just asked you this? Cute.

“…that’s fair,” he said and for a brief second, you were afraid you had shared your thoughts out loud. But he didn’t look offended, so probably not. The self-awareness then. “Thank you.”

“No problem. I’m-eh, glad you like it.”

You stood there again, both smiling – a little reluctantly, a little soft – and once again you had no idea how to proceed.

What you did know was that you enjoyed talking to him, even if it was awkward like this. You enjoyed seeing him in his natural habitat, in his home, relatively relaxed. You thrived seeing more of this Andy Barber, just a handsome guy, not Andrew Barber, the hot-shot lawyer.

He was the first to break the silence, hesitantly gesturing further into the house.

“Would you—would you like to-“

YES! was what you brain screamed.

“Oh, I don’t want to be a bother…” was what you told him, mentally cuffing yourself on the head.

“You’re not,” Andy opposed lowly. The whisper of your name that followed made you shiver.

His gazed trailed all over your face, so intense you would swear he saw right into your soul and further. You felt naked, but for some reason not too vulnerable – Andy seemed to like what he saw, expression genuinely inviting and yet. Yet there was a subtle promise of this not being a friendly invite which was as exciting as unsettling. The air appeared the crackle and you found yourself yearning to taste the electricity on your tongue.

“May I?”

He beckoned to your coat, suddenly free hands already rising and all you could do was to nod, automatically placing your handbag on the floor and unbuttoning the garment. Once if fell open, revealing simple black jeggings and a light pink sweater, Andy sidestepped you, fingers sliding under the hem, cautiously skimming over the bare skin above your collarbones, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.

The warmth of his fingertips seeped into your flesh and yet you shuddered, goosebumps rising on your skin.

You watched Andy put your coat away with care, turning back to you torturously slowly. He filled all of your personal space, so close and too far. You weren’t sure when exactly the air turned so heavy in your lungs, but as your gaze travelled to his lips, not missing how his sought yours in return, you felt all the oxygen leave the room.

“Andy,” the word rolled off your tongue, nothing but a soundless breath of his name.

His gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips again and back before he spoke, voice barely above a whisper, hoarse.  

“Am I imagining it?”

He didn’t have to say what and still you knew with absolute certainty that he was addressing the unbearable and delicious tension, the one that had been building and coming to life during those three nights you had spent talking in his office late--- and now it was back with smouldering intensity.

“You’re not.”

You shivered and gulped when he cautiously took a single little step further into your space, your gaze falling to his chest, lowering in sudden surge of the deep-rotted insecurity, whispering about your and his world being thousands of miles apart. And yet, your heart raced in anticipation, your hopes dizzyingly high that you might touch heaven, even if for a few moments.  

When his fingertips grasped your jaw, tough light and oh so careful, your eyelids fluttered close, already indulging in the sensation. God, his touch was so soft despite the roughness of his fingertips…

As if he wished to torture you or to indulge that sweet little moment before lips met lips, he stopped an inch from his destination, his breaths as wavering as yours, the words whispered straight into your mouth just a little broken.

“I’m fucked up.”

Your brain basked in blissful fog, but this got across, causing you to tense briefly.

You couldn’t deny what he was saying, you both knew he spoke the ultimate truth – well, you guessed. What had happened to him, having his life dismantled and then losing his family, that sort of thing was bound to leave a scar. Confirming it bluntly though, that felt unforgiving, only adding insult to injury.

“We all are,” you whispered instead, not only because you wouldn’t say ‘fucked up’, the words too harsh.

And it wasn’t trivializing the tragic turn his life had taken. It wasn’t downplaying the depth of his wounds. It wasn’t necessarily implying that you had been through something equally horrible either. Most importantly, it wasn’t you mocking him.

And somehow, he understood that; even if he could have interpreted it in every wrong way imaginable and shove you away, insulted, disgusted.

But no, in that fleeting moment that meant everything, Andy understood that this was your acceptance; this was you telling him that you were willing to try; take whatever he offered and give anything you could in return.

Finally, his lips brushed over yours, slightly chapped and oh so warm and delicious, withdrawing too soon, leaving you to savour the taste as your ran your tongue over your own lips. You inhaled shakily, overwhelmed by everything that was him, powerful, electrifying and then your hand was somehow on his chest, your palm laid over his racing heart, your fingers twitching as his ribcage expanded with a sharp inhale.

Blindly, your mouth searched his again, his whiskers tickling softly and scratching at once, a pleasant sensation on your sensitive skin as he grew bolder, and truly attached your lips in a kiss that made you feel lightheaded with the emotion poured into it. Your hand curled around his nape, an instinct to pull him closer, fingers toying with the short soft hair there, drawing a hum from within the expanse of his chest.

You granted him access to your mouth when he wordlessly asked, but it was him who retreated shortly after that, his heart now appearing as if in pain with its furious beats under your palm. His breaths started coming out short and it dawned to you what was wrong. How fast this could have felt to him, even if he was the one to start it.

‘I’m fucked up,’ he had said. Too caught in the moment, you hadn’t fully realized the extent of his words perhaps.

But you did now – at least a little better than before.

So when he rested his forehead against yours and a breathless ‘sorry’ slipped from his lips, you shook your head lightly and planted a kiss on his cheek, hand still on the back of his head, fingers running over his scalp in a hopefully soothing motion.

“I’ve got you, Andy. You lead.”

You had no strength to keep him close when he pulled his face away, your eyes snapping open in fright that you had said something terribly wrong.

But Andy’s cerulean eyes were big and glassy, grateful and softly speaking about him being… moved by your proposition. Your heart felt like it just grew twice its size, too big to fit into your chest at what a breath-taking picture he was.

The next thing you knew, he dropped a chaste kiss to your forehead and pulled you into his arms, an almost protective embrace, kissing the top of your head for a good measure and you melted against his large frame, smiling into t-shirt.

“Thank you,” he murmured breathlessly into your hair and your smile widened, remembering the note he had left with the exquisite gift that had started everything that led you right here into this moment.

“Happy Holidays.”

Thank you for reading! I’ve been sitting on this since the beginning of damn November. I hope you enjoyed.

It was my first (and maybe last) time writing Andy, so I hope it was alright. Feedback always appreciated.

P.S. – sorry if the nosy reporters thing offended you.

P.P.S. - …I know, the prompt was veeery loosely filled. Shush.

Pretty divider by whismicalrogers.

[marchioness-caprina]

Mentor Day

Note : In This AU, Hawks is adopted by the todoroki Family, enji is a good dad and dabi is not a villain. And Todoroki's Mom is a Hero.

Pairings : Jealous! Hawks x Reader

Writing style: 3rd Person

Warning : Cussing

Word count : 3623

3rd Person's POV

" I'm so excited for Today! I can't wait to meet your Mentors! " Kirishima yelled with enthusiasm punching the air.

Everyone was gathered around Ground Beta for the sole reason that the Head of Agencies they were currently interning in were coming over to discuss the growth of the students, also because they chose U.A as the meeting Venue knowing that it's one of the places in Japan that is Highly guarded and secured and the School was Near the City so if anything were to happen they could always get there in a jeepy. There was another Reason but it wasn't disclosed to any of the students and nobody questioned it.

" Shut Up shitty Hair! " Bakugou snarled smacking Kirishima who seemed to be unaffected by Bakugou's ' affection ' towards him.

" Hey aren't You and Tokoyami Under Hawks's? The number 2 Pro Hero!? " Mina pointed out and suddenly everyone's attention was now settled on Y/n and Tokoyami.

Tokoyami had an unreadable expression but his face mostly showed that he was awkward and uncomfortable with the Topic. Not because of His Mentor... It's because of His Mentor's Interest.

Y/n on the other hand looked annoyed pissed, it was very obvious that neither of the two wanted to talk about it because of the lack of answer and their current expressions.

" So... What's it Like to be Under Pro Hero Hawks? " Momo began to press deeper onto the subject and was oblivious to her two classmate's look of disapproval. And it seems like she wasn't the only curious one.

" Well? " Jiro raised a brow when they didn't hear an answer. The two were very hesitant until y/n finally spoke up.

" Tokoyami-kun would I be breaking the law if I talk shit about him? "

" Eeehhhh!? " Everyone was confused as to why the sudden change of their classmate's personality took shift at a questionable rate.

" Technically there's no law about that and since he's not here to hear it... It's fine " Tokoyami answered with a straight face and his response got everyone questioning their experience even more.

" What the hell happened to you two while you were there? " Denki asked staring at the two. Tokoyami was hesitant but y/n just looked pissed and angry .

She showed irritation that could match Bakugou's.

" That's not something you should be asking me... You should be asking y/n that... I just had the unfortunate privilege to witness... That.... And I know a very dark secret I wish to unlearn " Tokoyami muttered at Everyone was fidgeting with curiosity while staring at y/n who looked like she was about to explode any minute now.

" Well if you Must know. On the first week I had to endure a bunch of whiny one night stand's Drama and Rage while trying to get them to go fuck themselves and trust me... Persuading a bunch of love struck delusional hoes to go home and keep silent for the rest of their lives isn't a very charming job. I had to suck in every single cheesy pick up lines that'll have anyone gagging, I had to endure being dragged around through the wonderful 'skies' like a ragdoll in the most unfortunate hour and I had to deal with Birdman's constant fuckery every single day so yeah... It wasn't that bad.... It was terrible. " Y/n's tone was forcefully dragged out and polite but her hostile expression got everyone shuddering.

Yes, Hawks was a flirt and he'd flirt with her with every chance he got, much to y/n's dismay. But knowing Hawks's reputation she brushed it off like it was one of his most common habits and got used to ignoring him, he was nice though and she felt like a sheltered child. Hawks never let's her go out to patrol on her own unless it's with Him and only Him. He constantly brings her gifts and snacks to which she is thankful and greatly flattered but she didn't like hearing Rumors about her with the Pro Hero himself. Overall she was thankful that she was being treated well but she didn't appreciate the special treatment.

Tokoyami on the other hand knew of his Mentor's love and affection for his Classmate, if he knew any better he found out that Hawks had imprinted on y/n like a new born chick. The reason Tokoyami knew that was because of the gifts, the flirting, Hawks's constant need to be around y/n, His possessiveness and Don't even get Tokoyami started on How much Hawks talks about y/n during patrol. Hell, Even when Hawks is literally stepping on a Villain's Face he'd still talk about How ' Perfect she was ' . At most of all, his Classmate was very unaware of Hawks's actual feelings and he's afraid he couldn't blame her simply because of Hawks's reputation as a 'playboy'.

" Wow.... I didn't think it would be like that.... Hawks's still pretty cool though " Sero muttered and that left y/n gawking at him because the least they could do was sympathize with her!.

" No shit " She grumbled sarcastically and she felt two hands grab hold of her shoulder behind her and speaking of the Devil, Hawks was already here.

" Hey there chicken nugget, what are you kids talking about? " Hawks asked leaning down , resting his chin on y/n's shoulder while both of his hands clamped down on each side of her shoulder blades protectively.

" Nothing Hawks, we were Talking about Nothing " Y/n who was already immune to the Touchiness of the male behind her was nonchalant on her reply and she sounded bored but her expression clearly showed ' Oh No, Not this Shit Again ' .

" Oh really? Well ok then baby bird but I have to say You look Perfect little dove but that is to be expected by my Epitome of beauty " Hawks grinned rubbing his cheeks against y/n's own in a very affectionate manner.

" Yeah, Yeah. Get off me Birdman you're getting that irritating Chicken stench on me " Y/n grumbled pushing him away from her to which she was successful with.

" Aww~ But you felt so soft " Hawks whined in an almost childish way.

Everyone was witnessing the very thing Tokoyami dreaded and they were choking on their own spit after seeing the interaction between the two.

They and so many questions yet so little answer and they knew they couldn't just bombard y/n with questions, not when Hawks was around.

" Uhh... You two seem.. Close" Denki commented to where he earned a proud grin from Hawks.

" No we're Not. He's just being A flirt, you'll Get used to it " Y/n snickered rolling her eyes at Hawks who was trying to hug her.

" You should have heard How much He talks about her at Home... He's like a broken Radio. Y/n this and that " Todoroki snorted and his comment got everyone gaping.

It didn't look that way to everyone else, it was clear that the Pro Hero liked her if throwing himself around her wasn't enough, the look in his eyes definitely spoke otherwise.

" So this is the little Lassy Hawks have been talking about? " Fatgum along with the rest of the pro Heroes Were slowly gathering towards them.

" This is Her? She's adorable in person . Keigo Never stops talking about her at home" Another voice came from a woman with white hair, and is almost identical to Shoto.

" .... Hah! You should hear what he has to say when he's asleep " Dabi murmured with a laugh.

" .... You Talk about me? " Y/n asked staring at Hawks who was nodding his head, a smirk plastered on his face.

" Ewww, Stop that. It's annoying and creepy " Y/n sighed shoving Hawks away.

" Isn't she lovely? " Rei mumbled a small chuckle escaping her lips as Dabi stared at her in bewilderment .

" So you're not gonna question their age gap?..... Really mom? " Dabi snorted and enji stood behind him, patting his back.

" You know how your mother is " Enji muttered staring down at his son.

" You have a point.... "

____________________

By now everyone was gathered around, some of them chatting with their mentors and some were meeting their classmate's other mentors.

Rei, Enji and Dabi were intently observing Keigo who looked so close to snapping, sure his face looked playful and relaxed but they knew him well enough to know that it was Keigo's facade.

On the other side was Y/n and Hawks talking to Fat gum, well it was only y/n showing enthusiasm about their conversation, Hawks had never left her side the whole time. Always trailing behind her like a lost puppy.

" That's really cool! I heard from Kirishima that you have two Forms? " Y/n's eyes gleamed with curiosity.

" Why yes little lady " Fat gum answered as he nervously glanced at Hawks. He could feel the raging intensity of Hawks's Jealousy radiating brighter than the sun's ray. To which y/n was oblivious of.

" Ya know buddy, you really have nothing to worry about when it's me " Fat gum stated his words directed towards Hawks who let out a sigh and gave him a genuine smile for once.

" Sorry, I couldn't help it when it comes to my little dove " Hawks chuckled slinging his arm around her shoulder and y/n immediately reacted by shoving his arm away without even glancing at him.

" Stop talking about me like I'm not here " Y/n muttered to which Hawks replied by doing it again and y/n shoved his arm again.

Fat gum was both entertained and a bit awkward with the situation until he spotted his side kick. Tamaki whom he had kindly asked to pick up something for him

" Anyways! That's enough you two, I'd like you to meet Tamaki Amajiki. He's my sidekick " Fat gum proudly introduced Tamaki who froze in his spot and began trembling nervously.

" Oh wow! I've heard so much about him! Our class was introduced to him before! But I never got to see his face clearly because he had his face on the wall the whole time! Let's start all over again. Hey I'm y/n l/n! Nice to meet you senpai... For the second time " Y/n grinned putting her hand out to shake his.

Tamaki who was nervous and flattered that someone remembered him shakily reached out his hand to shake hers but a look of pure shock flashed through his face when Another hand met his.

" Nice to meet you Buddy " Hawks grinned in an odd and threatening manner squeezing poor Tamaki's hand .

" U-u-uhh" Tamaki stuttered at y/n was annoyed at Hawks's actions.

" Hey! I was the-- you know what? Never mind. Anyway, senpai I heard stories about you from Kirishima-kun! And I think you're really cool! And you're cuter up close! " Y/n tried easing the nervous senior with compliments in order to atone the actions of Hawks. But Hawks took it in a different way.

Tamaki flushed red and Hawks let go of his hand with disdain, his eyes having a deadly glint and his smirk almost looked threatening and sadistic.

Fat gum who witnessed the scene knew he fucked up by calling Tamaki over, the Todoroki family were astonished to see how reactive Hawks could be when y/n was involved. At home he was really hard to read and when they thought they knew him Hawks suddenly surprises everyone by proving them wrong. But now his expression looks so raw and unmasked.

" Tsk, He doesn't Look much to Me " Hawks suddenly spat out in an irritated tone.

Y/n elbowed him after seeing Tamaki's expression.

" He doesn't mean that! He's just really insensitive... Aren't you Hawks? " Y/n glared at the man beside her and he scoffed looking away.

" You're actually really powerful Senpai! Trust me! Kirishima talks about you all the time it's adorable seeing him look up to someone who's equally as cute as Kirishima " Y/n tried covering the damage done by Hawks and Tamaki was conflicted. He didn't know who to believe anymore.

Another scoff was heard from Hawks and before he could make another comment y/n stepped on his feet making him wince.

" Ouch! " He grumbled looking down at y/n who was glaring at him threateningly.

Jealousy bubbled at the very core of Hawks, She called two men cute at the same time and she dared to do it in front of him! He praised men who aren't him. Sure they aren't official but isn't it clear that he was showing how much he could give her? He knows he's enough but it seems like his little dove was very dense. It's starting to irritate him. He didn't feel good inside and he really wanted to punch a bitch. Was she taunting him? Oh she definitely was. Just look at how she looks at them , it really makes him want to rip off someone's throat.

His wings began to bristle and rose intimidatingly the edges becoming sharp and ridged, jealousy was getting the best of him.

With a rough Tug, he dragged her away forcefully even with the harsh protest from the girl.

" Hey! Ok this is getting out of hand! " Y/n pulled her hand away and Hawks looked back at her with a gaze that could kill.

" Stop taunting me Y/n. I'm not handling it well " Hawks muttered but his voice was rough and demanding. Y/n shivered at how her name rolled out of his tongue. He never uses that tone or calls out her name like that unless she's in deep shit.

" Clearly, you're mad about shit I didn't do so go cool off or something " Y/n shot back her expression was out of sheer anger and Hawks responded by spreading his wings and he flew off without another word.

With a sigh y/n went back to her classmates, she was unaware if the stares that were thrown her way.

" A lovers quarrel? " Mt. Lady mumbled.

" Definitely a Lovers Quarrel " Fat gum confirmed.

" Is no one seriously questioning the fact about their age gap? " Dabi stated and Rei gave him a cold glare. Even shoto was seen glaring at him from his group.

" Ok fine jeez " Dabi shrugged shoving his hands into his pockets.

_____________________

20 minutes had passes and Hawks was still gone, by that time everyone was gathered around, the class was seated on the ground as the Pros started giving out their opinions and deductions on hm their performance.

Rei began to feel worried about her adopted son that had raged out of the area. Enji tried reassuring her that Keigo was old enough to take care of himself.

And on cue Hawks had arrived holding a box in his hand, he looked calmer now and more relaxed.

" Keigo dear, are you ok? " Rei asked approaching the male.

" Yeah I'm fine... Just needed a little breather.... " He muttered, his eyes glued to y/n who was listening intently to the discussion. Rei noticed this and a smile graced her lips.

" Go get her dear " Rei encouraged the male and Hawks flashed her a grin.

" Oh I will. And I'm going to make sure you're going to have a daughter in law soon " Keigo smugly stated and Rei's eyes widened only to have the woman laugh.

Luckily the little lessons the Pro's were conducting had finished and everyone was free. As the students began to stand up. Y/n was pulled away immediately by Hawks. And once she was a few feet away a box was shoves towards her. She was caught off guard but managed to hold it in her hands as she lookes up at Hawks questioningly.

" What's this? " The girl asked suspiciously.

" You like that doughnut shop near our agency yeah? I was flying by and decided to buy some for you as a Sorry present.. I admit that I went overboard... " Hawks explained rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

" What!? I can't accept thi---"

" Eat it or Throw it. I'm giving it to you and that's final so do what you want with it... Although it would be a waste if you throw it away... I did go out of my way to buy that for you with my own money even though I was still angry---"

" Ok fine you don't have to guilt trip me! I'll accept it ok?.... But you did say I could do what I want with it so... I'm sharing this with everyone " Y/n smiled and Hawks snapped his head towards her his eyebrows furrowed.

" What? No. I bought that For YOU not for them " Hawks grumbled and the girl gave him a playful smirk.

" You did say it was mine and I could do whatever I want with it " She replied slyly and Hawks turned away stomping his way towards Rei, Enji and Dabi.

" Ooo... You got it Bad. She's denser than a--"

" Don't finish that Touya I swear " Hawks glared at Dabi who only laughed at his protectiveness.

" Just be patient Keigo, she is young and she probably still doesn't have Love on her mind yet " Rei assured Keigo while rubbing his back.

" Tsk. You better not give up. You're a Todoroki after all , and I already acknowledge her as a daughter in law... No crazy woman would stomp their feet on the number 2 hero like that " Enji nodded and Hawks should be delighted but his eyes were glued to the girl.

She was sharing the doughnuts he bought for her and the last straw came when she had fed Kirishima with a doughnut.

His fathers on his wings bristled and the ends began to sharpen, his eyes darkened at the sight and his teeth were gritted.

The girl took notice of this and approached him. God he was losing it. One wrong move and he might forget the fact that she's still a minor and just go straight up to breeding her if he had to. Fuck everything she does is turning him on . He is smitten.

" Hey what's wrong? "

" You have the guts to ask me ' What's wrong?' Oh why don't ask that to all the other guys you fed doughnuts to? The ones I bought for you! You're so oblivious it's starting to piss me off little dove. Was I not subtle enough? I fucking Like---mphf--" Hawks was cut off when a Doughnut was shoved in his mouth by the girl in front of him.

" Shut your worm Hole You stupid Birdman, I like you too ok? But please stop being so annoying. I'm also protecting your reputation as a Hero here. I can't have you all over the tabloids stating that you like a high schooler. You'd be seen as a pedophile you dumbass " The girl finished and was about to pull her hand away from his mouth when he grabbed hold of her wrist, he kissed her finger gingerly before licking and sucking on that very finger she held the doughnut .

She froze, Dabi Froze, Everyone froze.

" What the fuck? " Katsuki was she first to speak up.

" I second that ' What the fuck ' " Y/n muttered and Hawks gave her a look that could have her melt into a puddle. A smug and triumphant grin plastered on his face as his arms wrapped around her waist possessively.

" Awww~ it warms my heart to know that you're protecting me that way. For a moment there I thought you don't care and all that shitty jealousy was so worth it because you told me you like me in the end.... " Hawks cooed his face nearing hers and she immediately distanced her face away from him.

" Hawks get off me! " She yelled her face was flushed and he had the sudden urge to kiss her right now.

" You'll have to pay for making me jealous though. It was not a very pretty feeling " Hawks grinned before his wings spread open and gave one strong flap and he was already flying her away from the scene.

" Holy shit.... Dude " Denki muttered staring up at the sky.

" Enji! Do you think we should renovate the house? " Rei asked enthusiastically.

" I think we just might have to " Enji replied.

" .... I ship it though " Mina stated and the girls gave an unspoken agreement to her statement.

" So... How many chicks do you think they'll have? " Dabi asked and Rei smacked him.

" Touya! " Rei scolded making Dabi chuckle.

" Nah it's too early... He won't knock her up just yet... Or will he? " Dabi grinned and this time Rei had frozen him in place.

" Touya! Stop that! " Rei fumed.

Dabi shut up immediately fearing Rei's wrath after seeing her angry expression.

[julieloveupstead]

"I'm Never Leave You" - Upstead

CHAPTER 6

Hailey didn't know how long it had taken her and Jay to calm their emotions and by what miracle they had made it to the hospital, but there they were and sitting outside the room their friend was in, and with them were Adam and Kevin. All four were silent, because what were they supposed to say anyway. Every word seemed unnecessary, not appropriate, so they sat in silence waiting for any information from the doctors.

Hailey looked at Jay sitting next to her and couldn't believe what had happened not so long ago in their flat. The panic that had taken hold of her at the time hadn't quite left her yet, but she could tell that she was feeling better, and no wonder it was because of Jay's presence. If not for him and if not for his will to fight for her, for them, she didn't know what could have happened. Every time she sees this certainty, this tenderness and love in his eyes and hearing it in his voice, her heart fills with even more affection for this man. She cannot believe that there is someone who, after all she has done, is still by her side and is not going to leave. Every day she feels how much Jay loves her, and she couldn't be happier about it, but it scares her just as much because no one has ever loved anyone as much as Jay. She's never been as happy with anyone as she is with him. What did she do to deserve him?

- Are you feeling okay? - asked Jay, feeling Hailey's eyes on him.

- I honestly don't know how I feel. - She whispered, not wanting anyone to hear them.

- Do you want to go home? - asked a worried Jay.

- No - Hailey smiled slightly and grabbed his hand, entwining their fingers together.

Jay squeezed it lightly and smiled slightly as well. He was proud of how strong a woman she was.

- I love you - he said silently

- I love you too - Hailey did the same, sending him one last tiny smile and slipped her hand out of his grasp. She briefly crossed her gaze with Kevin, who was standing nearby and watching them with a small proud smile, and Hailey sent him a not so big smile and felt herself blushing, so she quickly looked away, but managed to see Jay shake his head with laughter. Jay doesn't miss much.

- 'Hey, everyone - Will suddenly appeared, so everyone was nervous and anxiously waiting to see what he would relay to them.

- Is she okay? - Adam was the first to speak up. Hailey saw she couldn't watch her friend worrying about Kim. After all, she was the love of his life. The mother of his unborn child and the mother of his daughter. She hadn't been able to look him in the eye after she killed Roy. She knew that sooner or later Adam would want to know what had happened and if she and Voight had found the one responsible for hurting the woman, and she was afraid of that, That's why she tried to avoid confronting him alone because what was she supposed to tell him? The truth? After all, Adam would 100% hate her, he's not like Jay. Hailey didn't know if she could handle the thought of her friends turning on her. They are like family to her, after all, and how is she supposed to tell them the truth? She can't.

- Her condition is serious, but the doctors agree that the worst is behind her. - Will said, and you could hear everyone breathing a sigh of relief. - Tomorrow we will try to wake her up. - added Will looking across his friend's faces, who for the first time since they found Kim had more hope.

- 'See, I told you everything would be fine - whispered Jay in Hailey's ear.

- Maybe - Hailey replied in a still skeptical voice. She had heard Will say that he was after the law, but she couldn't help thinking that things could always still happen. She didn't allow positive thoughts for now because she was afraid of messing up. Besides, so what if the moment Kim would wake up and come back to herself she would want to know the truth about Roy, and Hailey wouldn't be able to tell her the truth, so Kim's nightmare wouldn't end. And what would it be like to live in constant fear and lies?

- Hailey - started Jay, seeing that his beloved is drifting away in his thoughts.

- 'I'm going to get some coffee, do you want some too? - Hailey was exhausted after her last conversation with Jay and didn't feel like having another one. She knew Jay cared about her, but it was all too much for her. Seeing the worried look on her boyfriend's face, she just sent him a small smile and then got up and walked towards the vending machines without even waiting for his answer.

Jay kept looking worriedly after the woman walking away. He thought that if he heard that Burgess was getting better, he would stop worrying so much and blaming himself for all this, but apparently he was wrong.

An hour has passed since their last conversation, and so far he can't get the distraught loved one out of his head. That sight will haunt him in his worst nightmares. His heart broke into millions of tiny pieces when he sees Hailey suffering.

He didn't know what he should do or say. He felt like punching the Sergeant and watching him swell up equally, but he knew the older man didn't deserve Jay's nerves and waste of time, and besides, he knew partial stories from what had happened as a child in her life and didn't want to tear up old wounds and stir up more trauma. His Angel had suffered enough already.

- Are you alright? - he raised his head and saw his brother standing over him.

- I've been better - he answered honestly. Will sat down next to him and looked worriedly at his younger brother. He had already noticed yesterday that something bad had happened between Jay and Hailey, and his brother's words yesterday had worried him even more.

- Do you want to talk? - the redhead didn't want to push, because he knew that Jay would quickly shut down and wouldn't come back to this topic, but seeing the bad state Jay was in, he wanted to help.

- 'No, but thank you - Jay appreciated his brother's concern and for a moment wondered if he could advise what to do, but eventually decided to keep quiet. - 'And you want to talk about how you got fired from your job? - bounced Jay's baton. Will immediately went red in the cheeks and turned away. Silence fell between the brothers for a moment, punctuated by the quiet whispers of the people present.

Meanwhile, as Hailey waited for her coffee, she tried with all her might not to give in to the panic and fatigue that was making itself known. She leaned against the wall behind her back and closed her eyes, hoping that the migraine and nausea that were starting to set in would finally let go.

It was all beyond her, and she was terrified of what would happen next. She didn't know what she should do. Should she tell Miller everything, about the fact that she and Voight had killed Roy? Or should she keep quiet and let it eat her up inside about it? What should she tell Kim when she wakes up and asks if they have Roy? What should she say to Kevin or Adam? Should she talk to Voight and figure out some common ground with him? I think she should talk to Voight, find out what now. She had so many questions. Did he take care of the body? What would happen when the search began again, because that it would begin she was sure. For everyone, Roy Walton was alive and everyone would be looking for him. Especially Superintendent Miller, whose son died at his hands after he was tortured and the team, who won't let go until they find him and arrest him for what he did to Kim. And Kim herself when she wakes up will be living with the fear that the person who wanted to kill her, who thinks he killed her, is alive and roaming the world somewhere and could hurt other innocent people. This feeling will haunt Burgess whenever she wakes up and will never let go.

And what would happen if she told the truth? She would lose her job, but that didn't scare her the most. The fear of losing her friends was much greater. But the worst fear she felt was the possibility, of losing the love of her life and the future she so desperately wanted with Jay. It was a fear that paralyzed her, that made every breath a pain and her vision blurry. Jay was everything to her and living with him was something sacred to her something that for the first time was a good thing, in her life and for the first time she felt happy, loved and hopeful.

But now she herself didn't know if it all still made sense. She was tired and confused.

- Hailey, are you okay? - she heard a voice next to her. She opened her eyes and saw Sergeant Platt worriedly standing next to her. Hailey tried to calm her battered heart and control the panic that was rising within her.

- Yes, Sergeant - she replied, trying for a normal voice. She wiped her face with her hands and walked over to the machine to take her coffee. Was she ignoring the Sergeant? Yes. Did she expect him to go away? Yes. But she knew Platt too well to know that she would let it go.

- Hailey, I know you're capable of taking care of yourself, and you think you can handle yourself, but in the long run, your stubbornness isn't enough. I don't know what happened and if you don't want to tell me, okay, but you need to tell someone because I can see that whatever it is eating you up inside. - Trudy's words made her stand as if paralyzed. She didn't know what to do. Hailey knew that what the Sergeant was telling her was true, but what she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't do anything about it.

- Trudy I appreciate, for real, but I can handle it - Hailey spoke up swallowing hard the lump in her throat and slowly looked at the Sergeant.

- If you think so, but - Trudy came closer and put her hand on Hailey's shoulder. She looked up with a motherly gaze and a slight smile. - 'But if you ever want to talk, then...

- Yes, I know where to find you - said Hailey, smiling slightly. She was really grateful to fate that she had come across this woman. She doesn't know what would have happened if it wasn't for her. She did not even want to think about it. And that's why Hailey felt even worse about keeping a terrible secret from Trudy.

- Hailey? - Both women turned at the sound of a familiar voice.

- Detective Chuckles - spoke up first Trudy with a nod of her head greeting the man approaching them.

- Sergeant Platt - spoke up doing exactly the same Jay. Hailey watching them from the side laughed quietly, which made them look at her. She met Jay's gaze and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "Your imitation of the Sergeant was comical" and had a wide smile on her face.

It was actually the first real smile like that in hours. The last time she'd laughed was in their flat, when panic and remorse hadn't yet overtaken her.

Jay was happy to see on Hailey's face again the honest, genuine, and wonderful smile he had missed so much. He turned around to see if anyone was there besides the two of them and the Sergeant. Once he was sure they were alone, he approached Hailey in a few quick steps and pulled her body to his. Hailey immediately embraced him tightly and allowed herself to inhale the scent that was so familiar and soothing.

Hailey closed her eyes and was able to breathe easy again, no more bad thoughts rushing through her mind. She wanted to stay in those arms for the rest of her life, because only in them did she feel safe and truly loved. There was nothing she wanted more in life.

- Hey - she heard Jay whisper, and then he kissed her on the top of her head.

- Hey - she lifted her head with a smile to look into her boyfriend's green eyes.

- 'Angel, are we getting ready to go home? - He asked, studying her carefully.

- What about Kim? - She asked worried about her friend.

- The doctors say that she is in stable condition and that her life is no longer in danger. They are going to wake her up tomorrow. She'll be okay. - explained Jay. Hailey pulled away from her boyfriend and nodded her head. She felt a stone drop from her heart when she heard that her friend was better. - 'So what are we going home for? - he asked again.

- Yes, let's go home. - He replied with a slight smile. Jay nodded, reciprocating the smile.

- 'Where's Trudy? - Jay turned around and noticed the absence of Sarge.

- I don't know, maybe it was too nice for her and she just left - Hailey replied jokingly.

- That might make sense - Jay also laughed.

When they came around the corner, Hailey grabbed Jay's hand and when she acted for a second unsure if Jay wanted to show up together in public for the first time in a place where practically everyone knows them, she felt him weave their hands together tighter, and it looked like he didn't mind just looked at her once making sure if this was what he really wanted and when with a nod she assured him Jay raised his head high and smiled widely.

Hailey blushed seeing the pride Jay was walking with and until she herself felt more confident and the smile on her face grew bigger too. She didn't know where such courage came from in her. Maybe it was from tiredness, or stress, or she felt finally ready to show the world that she had someone to lean her cares on and was happy after such difficult and hard events. Maybe she just felt she needed contact with Jay's body because it was the only way she knew she wouldn't drift off into the darkness of her mind. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a few curious glances, but she didn't bother with that now.

As they approached their car, Jay opened the door on her side, Hailey quietly laughing at her boyfriend's behavior. Jay closed the door, circled the car, got into his seat and started the truck.

❃❃❃

- Are you hungry? - Jay asked as they entered the flat.

- No, I'm just dreaming of throwing myself on the bed - she replied nodding her head and as if to confirm her words a yawn escaped her lips.

- Hailey - Jay grabbed her hand gently, stopping her. - You haven't eaten anything since yesterday, maybe you should eat something now? - he asked worriedly.

- Jay, I am fine. And besides, I am too tired to swallow anything. - she said, trying to calm her beloved.

Jay put his hand on her cheek and drew patterns with his thumb.

- I love you Hailey Anne Upton - he whispered looking alertly into her eyes - And no matter what, I will never leave you. - he said confidently.

Even though it's not the first time Hailey has heard such words from Jay's mouth, each time they move her just as much.

- I love you, Jay Halstead- she answered with tears in her eyes. - Don't let me push you away again. - A single tear ran down her cheek.

- I won't let that happen - Jay wiped the tear away with his thumb and pressed his lips to hers in a kiss in which he hoped to convey everything he couldn't with words.

❃❃❃

The next morning, they were awakened by the sound of Hailey's phone. - "Upton." - she called back in a sleepy voice. - "Hailey, we need to meet." - She froze when she heard Sergeant's voice on the other end. She opened her eyes wide and rose to sit up. She could feel herself sweating and her heart starting to beat 3 times harder, and she held her breath. She didn't know what to answer, what to do. Her whole body refused to obey in panic of what might await her. - "Come to the Silos. Be there in twenty minutes. Only alone without Jay." - he spoke again and then without waiting for any response from her, he hung up, leaving a panicked Hailey. What should she do now? What does Voight want from her? Why does he want to meet? A million different questions that she wasn't ready to hear the answers to. - Hailey? - she was brought back to earth by the voice of Jay now sitting beside her fully awake and with a worried look on his face. Should she tell him? Or should she lie to him? Should she go with Jay or without him? Shit. She can't do this. - Hailey? - He repeated, squatting down next to the girl and put his arm around her. - What happened? - he asked, concerned. - Mhmmm it was - she swallowed her saliva nervously. She felt as if her body stopped listening to her, and she had no control over anything. - Hey, Angel, look at me. It's just me - Jay was worried and tried to speak in a calm and low voice so as not to worry his beloved even more. Hailey opened her mouth again and again, but each time she closed it without saying a word. She swallowed her saliva again and shook her head, trying to get her thoughts out of her head and to regain control of herself. - Angel, I am here, already. I'm here - he hugged the blonde to his bare chest, seeing the state of his beloved. - Close your eyes and listen to my heartbeat. - He whispered, and Hailey snuggled tightly into his chest. - Now do as I do. Take a deep breath in and let the air out. - Hailey followed the command - Exactly. And once again calmly. - Jay calmly explained and patiently watched as slowly his girlfriend calmed down. She didn't know how long they sat like that, until finally Hailey felt she had regained control of her heartbeat and normalized her breathing. - Are you going to tell me who called? - he asked softly and calmly. - It was Voight - she said so quietly that Jay barely heard her despite the fact that she was practically sitting on top of him. When Jay heard who had called her, he tried not to show how angry he was with his Sergeant. - What did he want? - He spoke quietly again. - He wants to meet me. By the silos. - She whispered back. - I have to be alone there. - No way, I won't let you go alone - he said in a confident voice, pushing her away gently to look at her. - He said I have to be alone. You can't come with me, Jay - she said, wiping her face with her hand. - I don't care what that man says. I won't let him hurt you again, Hailey. - All right - Hailey was really done, she just wanted to get it over with. - Okay, give me ten minutes to wash up and get dressed, okay? - said Jay, smiling slightly. Hailey just nodded and Jay stood up. The blonde got up and went to her wardrobe and grabbed the first clothes she could find. While she was getting dressed, Jay came out of the bathroom, walked over to his section of the wardrobe and grabbed some T-Shirt and trousers, and boxers. When they were both ready, they left the flat. Jay grabbed Hailey's hand and squeezed it tightly, so she knew she wasn't alone, that he was there for her and wasn't going anywhere. Hailey really appreciated that Jay, despite her objections and Voight's protest, was going with her because she really didn't feel ready to meet the Sergeant alone. The whole way there, they both remained silent and each in their own world. Hailey wondered what she could expect from this conversation. Had someone seen her and Voight that evening? And had it all come out? She felt Jay put his hand on her leg, so she looked in that

direction and put her own hand on it. - Hey, it's gonna be okay. I'll be there for you every step of the way. He won't hurt you again. I promise," he said for a second, turning away from the road and looking at her. Hailey nodded, and then Jay returned his gaze to the windshield. The closer they got to the designated spot, the more panic Hailey felt, and even Jay's presence wasn't doing much to help her calm down. - Ready? - asked Jay, sending her a small smile once they were in place. - 'No, but I want to get this over with,' she said, looking at Jay and trying not to cry and throw up from nerves. - 'Come on, I'll be with you the whole time, Angel. - He assured, grabbing her hand. Hailey nodded and took one last breath and let it out. - 'Once a goat dies,' she said under her breath and until she lost her courage she got off, followed by Jay and they both walked towards Hank Voight.

[tvshowfanfics12]

TK’s POV:

I looked out the window, careful to make sure I am not seen by the intruder. It was none other than my ex, Alex. The last I heard from him was a little over a year ago he refused my proposal. And now he shows up at my boyfriend’s house and has the nerve to yell for me to come out to him.

“TYLER!” Alex’s familiar voice shouts from the other side of the front door. “I know you are in there. I saw you.” I swear under my breath and pull out my phone from my pocket to dial my father. “TK, please,” Alex said as his voice rose in frustration. “I came all the way from New York. The least you can do is open the god damn door.”

I know that if I try to move upstairs he would see my shadow from the door, so I stayed downstairs and went into the kitchen to secure the back door and close the window of it.

“TK,” he starts to band his fist on the door. “TK I don’t have all day. I am prepared to take you back but this offer will only last a few more minutes. Don’t make a mistake and open this damn door. Now!”

“Dad,” I whisper in a panicked voice. “He is here.”

“Who?” My father’s voice suddenly becomes concerned and I hear shuffling on the other side of the phone. “Who is here?”

“Alex,” I whisper as I look over the counter to the door. “He is banging on the door and he won’t leave.”

“Where are you?” His voice becomes stern.

“Carlos’,” I answer before glancing up the stairs. “I think he is going to break down the door so I am going to go upstairs. I know Carlos has a bat up there.”

“I am on my way,” My father assures me.

“Call the police,” I whisper. “I don’t think he will leave without a fight.”

“Okay,” my father agrees.

“I have to hang up. I will be upstairs in Carlos’ room.” I whisper before pulling the phone from my ear and grabbing the largest kitchen knife. I bolt upstairs into the bedroom and lock the door, searching for the bat Carlos keep by the side of his bed.

I sigh when I spot the metal bat leaning against his nightstand. I go into the bathroom to put another door between me and Alex and stand with the bat in my hands for protection.

********************************************

Owen’s POV:

I got a phone call from TK and the second I heard his voice I knew something was wrong. He had a day off today because he was a paramedic, so I assumed he got into an accident or something. But a car accident would have been better than this.

Alex, TK’s ex-boyfriend who hurt him both emotionally and physically and got him hooked on substances was in town. And not only that but he was pounding at TK’s door. I stood up from my office chair and grabbed my truck keys before leaving down the steps.

TK hung up, much to my protest, and my heart started to race with worry.

“Cap,” Judd came over with a worried look. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Grab everyone and get into the truck right now,” I order as I take the fire truck keys off the hook. “TK’s ex is in town and he is going to break into Carlos’ house to get to him.”

“Alright,” Judd nods and runs off to get the others.

They come rushing out and without question, they climbed into the truck and I started it up. Judd sat upfront with me and I could hear him talk through the headpieces. “What is the plan, Cap?”

“I need one of you to call the police for a domestic abuse call to Carlos’ house.” I don’t even bother to take my eyes off the road as I raced to TK’s aid. “Alex has been known to beat TK and if we don’t get there soon enough I fear this could go bad.”

“Alright,” Judd nods and pulls out his phone.

He calls his wife directly as she is on shift, and he gives her all the information. Judd assures me that Grace is going to send the nearest cops out there as fast as she can. I nod, unable to say anything as I grip the wheel so tightly that my knuckles turn white.

“Cap,” Judd says, making me turn to him. “It will be okay. We will get there and get TK out of there.”

I nod and turn back to the road, taking a deep breath as I try to assure myself that everything will be fine. TK is not the person he was a year ago, and I need to remember that. I need to remind myself that he can take care of himself.

**************************************************

Carlos’ POV:

I was on patrol with my partner while we waited in the parking lot and watched cars pass. It was an easy patrol day, and besides the few speeders, there wasn’t much going on. I sent TK a text a while back but he hasn’t rescinded yet, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I had done something to make him mad.

“All available units,” the dispatcher came onto the radio. “A domestic abuse call at 814 Mayfield Road South East. I repeat all available units for a domestic abuse call.” I recognized Grace’s familiar voice on the radio.

Then it hit me. That was my address.

A domestic abuse call? What was going on? I turn on the car’s engine and announce my intent to go to the call. My partner doesn’t mind and we get onto the road and race to my house. I tap my fingers on the wheel as my nerves were running wild.

“Units, the person in trouble is a firefighter,” Grace announces over the radio. “The 126 is in route and has an ETA of three minutes.”

“Shit,” I swear as I turn on my lights and pass the cars.

“Carlos,” my partner tries to get my attention. “You have to calm down. We don’t know what is happening, so just breathe. I am sure everything will be alright. We were about five minutes away, so the 126 would beat us there, but I still sped to make up some time.

********************************************

TK’s POV:

I held the handle of the bat in a tight grip as I glanced over to the kitchen knife I had set down on the counter of the sink. I heard the load-banging noise of the downstairs door breaking off its hinges. I flinch at the loud noise but take a deep breath to try and control my racing thoughts.

“TK!” I heard Alex’s voice from downstairs. “Where are you? I am getting angry.”

I don’t say anything as I hear his footsteps up to the door. I close my eyes for a second and remind myself that I am strong enough to stand up for myself now and don’t have to take a beating from him this time.

I open my eyes to the sound of him banging his fist on the bedroom door. “TK! Seriously? You think a few doors are going to stop me?”

With one loud crack, I hear the door fall onto the carpet. I backed away from the door until I felt my shin touch the rim of the bathtub. The door started to rumble as Alex pounded on it a few times.

With a threatening tone, he said, “TK, come out here. I just want to talk.”

“Alex, just leave. I have already called the police and they will be here any minute. No matter what you won’t win, but if you aren’t around when they arrive, you might have a chance to get on a plane back to New York before they come after you.”

“Nice try TK,” I hear Alex chuckle on the other side of the door. “You and I know, with my law degree, no one is going to be able to lay a hand on me.”

“I am a paramedic of Austen Texas. Here, there are lots of rules about hurting a paramedic.” I try to sound as confident as I could.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says in a calming tone. If I hadn’t have been with him for two years I would have thought he was telling the truth. But I know he is just trying to lewer me out the door so he could get his hands on me.

“Just go away, Alex,” I grip the bat to readjust it to be able to swing.

“NO!” his voice flares with anger on the other side of the door, sending shivers down my spine.

The door rattles a few times before a loud crack spits the door into two, causing it to fall to the ground. When Alex’s eyes find mine I can see the anger steaming off his body. I gulp and raise my bat a little more.

“You think a bat will do anything to me, TK?” He laughs like he was amused.

“Alex, what are you doing here. We broke up. You said ‘no’ and I moved to Texas to get away from you.” My voice wavers but I hold my ground.

“I changed my mind. I have been without you for a whole year, and in the time I have come to realize how boring life is without you in it.” He smiles and steps forward with his arms held out. He was asking for a hug of all things.

“I moved on. I have a boyfriend who I love very much, and who loves me.” I refuse to take one step towards that snake.

“He can’t love you as I can,” he clenches his fists, trying to hold back his anger. “Remember how I took care of you when you had your first overdose? And the few after that? I was there. I stayed with you at the hospital and sat beside the tub at night as you threw up. Has he ever done that?”

“I am sober,” I glare at him. “I have been now for a year.”

“Sober?” He looks stunned and then smiles as if he thought it was some lie. “Sure you have been,” he nods and treats me like a child.

“I have been going to meetings and haven’t drunk a drop of alcohol for one year.” I shift on my feet as I prepared for him to lung at me.

“TK!” I hear my father’s voice coming from downstairs.

I drop my defenses for a second and turn to the door. “Up here, dad!” I yell to get his attention. Just then I felt Alex’s fist collide with my jaw.

“You stupid bitch,” he growled as he climbed on top of me and punched me again. “You just had to call your ‘daddy’ to come and save you.” His face was murderous and I couldn’t protect myself as he beat my face.

“TK!” My father ran into the room and threw Alex off me. Judd ran into the room and grabbed him by the collar and shoved Alex against the wall.

“You son of a bitch!” He jolts Alex off the ground as he cokes him. “How dare you touch my family. I will kill you.” He threatens.

“TK,” my father rushed over to my side.

“I am good dad,” I sit up and hold my head in my hands. “I am good.”

“TK,” my father hugs me. “I was so worried.”

“I am good now,” I pat his back. “I need to stand up,” I tell him as I push him off and stand. He helps me to balance and I hold onto his arm for support. “Judd, don’t hurt him. He is a lawyer and has this way of turning all the blame onto others.”

Judd turns to me and then nods. He wraps Alex’s hands behind his back and turns to me. “You alright, brother?”

“I will be fine,” I nod, trying to give him a smile but I wince at the pain in my jaw.

“He might have a concussion,” my dad says.

“He better not,” Judd gripped Alex’s hands tighter and made him wince. “If he has one, you best bet you will never see the light of day again.”

“You can’t do that,” Alex grinned as blood ran down his mouth. “Your only a firefighter,” he spat at Judd.

“But TK’s boyfriend is a cop,” Judd kicked Alex’s knee out from under him and then dragged him along before he had time to recover.

“I need some air,” I tell my father as I rub my temples.

“Okay,” my dad nods in worry. “Vega is coming with an ambulance and she can take a look at you.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder and starts to guide me down the stairs. “Great, now both of my Captains are going to have to write reports,” I joke.

“Not funny, TK.” My dad narrows his eyes.

“Too soon?” I raise an eye and try and suppress my smile.

“Alright, you have a concussion,” My dad says with confidence. “Only when you are loopy like this does it mean you have a concussion. Let’s get you outside.”

“Okay,” I don’t argue as I let him lead me down the steps of my porch and to sit on the back tailgate of the fire truck as the sirens of the ambulance get louder. “Can you turn that down,” I groan to my dad as the noise is making my ears ring?

“I can’t,” my dad rubs my back. “I am sorry.”

I nod and put my head in my hands to block out the light, which is too bright for me. As a paramedic, I knew that I had one from the moment I sat up, but I was fighting to stay awake long enough for Vega to arrive.

The ambulance pulled up and Nancy and Vega rush out of the truck and over to me with a medical bag. I look up and try to give them a welcoming smile, but I end up only making it worse.

“Sorry you had to come in on your day off,” I apologized to them as they set their things down and started scanning me.

“Don’t be sorry,” Vega bent down in front of me and flashed a light in my eyes. “You have a concussion.” She looks up to my father, “Has he thrown up?”

“Not yet,” I answer before my father. “Though the lights and sounds are killing me.”

“It’s only going to get worse,” Nancy pats my shoulder.

“Why?” I look over at her in confusion.

“We heard over the radio that Carlos and his partner are responding. I can hear their sirens as we speak. I look behind her at the road as a police car was starting to come into focus. I stood up, much to the opposition of the others, and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders tighter as Carlos stopped the car.

The moment he parked it he was out the door and rushing over to me. “Babe,” he cups my face gently and looks me over. “I was so worried.”

“Carlos,” I lean onto him, resting my head on his chest. It isn’t necessarily comfortable because of his vest and gear, but it makes me feel safe to be in his hands. “You are going to have to get new doors.”

“Door?” he pulls back and cups my face to make him look at me. “Doors don’t matter. As long as you are okay.”

“He has a concussion,” my father walks over to us. “He can’t think straight and he has been making jokes or not focusing on the important things.”

“A concussion?” Carlos looks from my dad to me. “Babe,” his eyes were sad.

“I am fine,” I smile. “I am good.” He doesn’t seem to buy it for a second. I sigh and turn back to the house in sudden realization. “Someone should go inside and check on Judd. I am pretty sure he has murdered Alex by now.”

Carlos stiffens and looks back to his partner who nods. I raise an eyebrow in confusion and he turns back to me. “TK, I have to do my job now.” He kisses my cheek and then hands me over to my dad. “I will be out in a few minutes.”

My dad grabs his shoulder, “Carlos, remember not to let your emotions get the best of you. He is a lawyer and if we don’t do this right by the books, he can get out Scott free.”

Carlos nods in understanding before his partner and he goes inside the house. I mossy on back to the ambulance and Vega and Nancy start to clean up my wounds and wrap my head in a bandage.

*****************************************

Carlos’ POV:

I pull my gun from my holster as I walk ahead of my partner up the stairs. I hear a loud banging noise and I rush the next few steps so I can get to the bedroom faster. I point my gun before realizing what is going on. I lower my gun and nod to Judd.

“It is my civil duty to beat your ass up providing I can prove it was self-defense,” Judd smirks knowingly at the man laying on the ground clutching his groin.

“So that is why you let me go,” he winces, trying to sit up.

“Don’t move,” My partner points her gun at him and his eyes widen in shock when he realizes the police has shown up.

“Stand up,” I order and grab my cuffs.

The stranger winces as he sits up and I drag him to his feet and cuff his hands behind his back. He winces as I tighten them a little too much, and I smirk at Judd who nods in approval. Judd walks over to the door and turns back to me.

“I have to go check on TK,” he says before leaving.

My partner leads us out the door as I hold the perps arms tightly so he can’t get away from me. “You are hurting me. I can get you for inappropriate use of force,” he threatens.

“And I can get you for domestic abuse, property damage, hurting a firefighter, and breaking and entering,” I whisper my threat as I walk us over to the car. I duck his head inside and my partner calls it in. “Also,” I lean into the car. “It was my house, so you broke into a police officer’s home.”

“You’re the boyfriend?” His eyes widen in fear.

“You bet your ass I am,” I said before slamming the door in his face.

I tell my partner to take him back to the station, which she agrees to, as I head back over to the ambulance and the crowd of people surrounding my boyfriend. I got close enough to see him and I put my hand on his should. He turns up to me and I say, “hey.”

“Hey,” he gives me a loopy smile. I chuckle and bed down to kiss him, and when I pull back his eyes light up in joy. “What was that for?”

“That was for being you,” I put my forehead against his. “And a sorry for not getting here sooner.”

“It’s fine,” he puts his hand over mine. “I called my dad first because I knew he would understand me if I just said Alex was in town and hung up. I also knew that you would come and make the arrest no matter what.”

“Oh, you knew that?” I smirk.

“It was hot to see you so angry.” He leans his head on my shoulder and closes my eyes.

“Guys,” Judd says, making me turn to him. “Are you forgetting we are still standing right here?”

Everyone chuckles and relief suddenly fills me now that I know everyone is safe. I turn down to look at TK and his eyes are still closed. I shake him a little but he doesn’t open his eyes. “TK!” I start to get worried.

“Five more minutes,” he mumbles.

“We should get him to the hospital,” Vega says and everyone agrees.

************************************************

TK’s POV:

“We should get him to the hospital,” Vega tells the others as I snuggle into Carlos’ arms.

“No,” I groan. “I want to stay here.”

“Babe,” Carlos’ calming word comforts me. “You have to wake up and go get checked out.”

“I want to rest a little while,” I shake my head in protest.

“TK,” my dad’s voice comes closer and I feel his hand on my shoulder. “Please just listen to us.”

“Alright,” I give in and sit up. I open my eyes and squint at the light. I look over to Carlos and snatch his sunglasses off his bulletproof vest. I slide them on and grin up at him. “How do I look?”

“Hot,” Carlos whispers with a smirk. “Now let’s get you up.”

“Can I just be rolled to the ambulance,” I look to my dad? “I don’t want to walk anymore.”

“Are you getting dizzy?” Vega leans forward and looks at my pupils for answers.

“A little,” I shrug, playing off how awful I feel. In reality, I felt like crap and the world was fuzzy around me. I leaned on Carlos for support to even sit up, so I was sure I was not going to be able to stand.

“That means he is,” My dad sits beside me and starts to rub my back as he did when I was a kid and got sick. “Bud,” he says in a comforting voice. “Do I need to get you some water or anything?”

“No,” I shake my head and look over at him.

“I will grab the stretcher and bring it over,” Nancy says before taking off to the ambulance. Probie goes off to help her, and my dad tells the others to take a walk and give me some air. I feel Carlos’ heart beating in my ear and I smile.

“So warm,” I mumble.

“TK,” Carlos tightens his grip on me. “We will get you checked out and then we can stay at your dad’s tonight. How does that sound?”

“I need to pack,” I say, trying to stand up.

“No,” My dad protests as Carlos pins me back to my seat. “I can get you and Carlos some clothes. The two of you just stay out here for a second. Remember to take deep breaths, TK.”

I nod in understanding and he heads back to the house. I lean forward and put my head in my hands as I try not to throw up. Carlos rubs my back without saying anything. I turn back to look at him. “Carlos?”

“Yes, babe?” he sits up, alert.

“I am going to throw up,” I tell him.

He helps me to my feet and holds me so I can throw up in a bush. I clear out my stomach and then wipe off the vomit from my mouth. I nod to Carlos to signal I am done and he helps me back over to the tailgate.

“I am sorry,” I mumble as we settle down.

“For what?” He says as he wipes my mouth with a tissue he pulled out of nowhere.

“I vomited on your lawn.” I groan in embracement as I say it.

“TK,” he grins. “That is the least of my worries right now.”

Nancy and Probie walk over with the stretcher and Carlos helped me onto it. I lay back and put my arms over my eyes, because even with the sunglasses they weren’t enough. Carlos held my hand as I was loaded into the back of the van and he sat beside me as Nancy started to hook up a machine to me.

I take a few of the tabs and start to place them on myself while she did the others. When she notices she laughed and said, “today you are a patient. And patients don’t hook themselves up to a machine.”

“You were too slow,” I smirk.

“I am your paramedic,” she narrows her eyes at me. “You better not make me angry.”

“I have my boyfriend to protect me,” I grin in triumph.

Nancy, Carlos, and I share a laugh as Vega climbs into the front of the ambulance. “Next stop the hospital,” she announces.

“Can we stop for a burger?” I joke.

“Are you even hungry?” Vega asked, but you could hear the smile in her voice.

“Not really,” I make a disgusted face as I even just think about eating anything right now. Nancy and Carlos chuckle and Vega does an ‘uh hu’ from up front. Carlos squeezes my hand and I squeeze his back with a smile.

We arrive shortly after at the nearest hospital and I am taken into a room, then to an MRI machine, and back to the room, where Carlos was waiting for me. I get rolled into place and Carlos comes to my side and sits beside the bed.

My dad comes into the room with the doctor and he looked relieved. The doctor comes over and speaks directly to me. “You have a mild concussion but nothing life-threatening. I say two weeks off work and come and see me for a note to go back to work.”

“Thanks,” I nod in understanding.

“As his Captain, he won’t be going back for three weeks,” My dad tells the doctor.

“You aren’t my captain anymore.” I point out.

“But I am,” Vega walks into the room. “And I agree with your father.” She comes over and takes my hand. “Take some time off work and get a much-needed break.”

“But I enjoy working?” I protest. “What am I supposed to do for three weeks?”

“You can stay home with me,” Carlos said, making me turn to him. “I will apply for some time off. I have enough vacation days saved up to last me a while, and I don’t think my Captain will refuse me on this.”

“But I don’t want you to miss work,” I try to refuse.

“I want to,” he assures me. I nod in understanding and turn back to the doctor. “He will be in for his exam in three weeks.” He says to the doctor with confidence.

My dad gives Carlos a thumbs up in approval and I glare between the two of them. The doctor runs a few more test before releasing me to go home. Carlos and I load into the back of my dad’s truck and he drives us back to his house.

I go immediately upstairs and lay down on my bed and Carlos follows with a glass of water. He hands it to me and insists on a drink and then gets me a trash can in case I get sick. I thank him and slide under the covers.

Carlos goes onto the other side of the bed and I snuggle against him with my head on his chest. “I am sorry about today,” I say quietly after a few minutes of silence.

“Don’t apologize.” He says sternly. “It wasn’t your fault so don’t blame yourself.”

“It was a person from my past. He came into your home and damaged things.” I protest. “And I should have been the one to call you. I should have called you. Instead, you heard over the radio.”

“It’s fine,” he squeezed my shoulders.

“Next time something happens I will call you first,” I say before yawning.

“Hopefully there won’t be a ‘next time’ to worry about,” he says as he rubs my back.

“I love you,” I say as sleep starts to take over.

“I love you too,” was the last thing I heard before I drifted off into a deep sleep.

[mjvnivsbrvtvs]

2000 words of (checks notes) hbo rome, but Antony captures Brutus alive and no one is quite sure what to do with that. mostly unedited, sort of heading in a direction for sure.

Cassius is dead.

And,  

well.

Brutus is alive.

For whatever reason, Antony had decided to drag him back to his camp, and he sits in Antony’s tent like a child waiting to find out what punishment is going to get doled out while listening to Antony and Octavian shout at each other from some other place in the encampment.

Cassius is dead, and Brutus feels like he was cheated out of being able to take the honorable way out. Instead, he was ignobly marched back across a never-ending field of bodies, a prisoner, maybe something worse. To step between bodies of the men he commanded to their deaths felt like the worst kind of cowardice.

Cassius is dead, Brutus has the blood of his brother-in-law under his nails, and he feels inexplicably jealous.

The yelling stops, and after a moment, Antony steps back inside.

‘Great news!’ he says cheerfully. ‘You won’t be dying today!’

Brutus stares at him. Antony looks back expectantly.

In the back of his throat, the decorum that dictates social niceties threatens to claw its way out of his mouth, to show the appropriate gratefulness.  

Cassius is dead, and Brutus wishes that was his fate as well, so he swallows hard and says nothing.

When it becomes clear that Brutus won’t say anything, Antony pulls a seat over and sits across from Brutus, uncharacteristically serious. ‘I know that this isn’t really ideal for anyone,’ he says, looking Brutus in the eye. ‘But it is better to survive. Think of your mother, how much better it will be for her to get a letter from you than to receive one from me announcing your death.’

It feels like Antony is attempting something like reassurance, like he’s worried Brutus might take the stylus off the desk and shove it through his own neck (he had thought about it, and immediately discarded the idea) but all Brutus can concentrate on is how much he doesn’t want to think of his mother.  

Every personal betrayal, every manipulation at the hands of his own mother comes to the forefront of his mind and he can feel his expression twist into something bitter. ‘I’d consider it a personal favor if you would tell her that anyway,’ Brutus finds himself saying, and Antony laughs, sharp and surprised.

‘I didn’t think you had it in you to be cruel,’ he says, leaning forward.

‘You know, I never really wanted this?’ Brutus says, because now the words won’t stop spilling out of his mouth, ‘but she used my name, and Caesar couldn’t trust me after that.’

There is some emotion that Brutus can’t identify in Antony’s gaze, something quiet and calculating, not unlike a predator considering how to cast judgement.

‘You helped kill him,’ says Antony, tone neutral.

Brutus looks away, and back own at his hands. They aren’t shaking anymore, but on that day, he wasn’t sure they would ever stop. Cassius might have put the blade back into his hands, but he was the one who grasped it and drove it into the body of a man he had once considered to be like a father.  

Abruptly, he wonders if Octavian is somewhere on the other side of the material of the tent, eavesdropping on them like some kind of ghost.

‘I did,’ agrees Brutus, because there’s no sense in denying it or trying to claim some kind of innocence to the act. It runs in the family, even if he tried to deny that legacy before. He won’t try to pass blame for the action now. ‘You should let Octavian do whatever it is he wants to do.’ He sits up a little straighter and narrows his eyes. ‘What do you gain from this anyway? What benefit am I to you?’

Antony leans back, posture open and lazy. It’s not sincere, Brutus knows. It’s the false nonchalance that Antony presents the world when he wants people to look a little less closely, to take him a little less seriously, all the while planning out a series of strategies in the back of his mind.

‘Do I have to have an ulterior motive?’ asks Antony. ‘Maybe I just want to ruin Octavian’s day for a bit.’

He stands up before Brutus can reply, and begins to walk back towards the tent flap. ‘You’ll be staying here,’ Antony informs Brutus. ‘There are soldiers on guard duty, so don’t think about trying to escape.’ He looks at his desk, to the stylus, and after a brief pause of consideration, crosses the space in two easy steps to grab it. ‘Remember!’ he says, grinning. ‘Tomorrow’s a new day!’

Then he’s gone.

And Brutus is once again left with his hands, and Cassius’s blood.

•

At some point in the night, Brutus falls asleep.

When he wakes up, he is in Antony’s bed, with absolutely no recollection of how he got there. His hands, Brutus notices as he sits upright and pushes the blankets off of him, are clean.

‘And he lives!’ says Antony. He’s sitting behind his desk, watching Brutus from over top the paper in his hand. His tone is jovial, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. ‘If you wanted to go back to sleep for another hour, I won’t tell: it might be the last time you’ll get the chance to sleep in.’

The entire exchange is baffling.

The expression on Brutus’ face must convey as much, because Antony laughs. ‘Just because you are my prisoner doesn’t mean it has to be painful for us both.’

Brutus arches an eyebrow at the use of the possessive and makes a note to eventually find out the specifics of what Antony and Octavian had been fighting about. ‘I think you'll find that sentiment goes against almost every expectation someone might have if they found themselves held captive by a political rival,’ points out Brutus.

‘I like to think of us as people who could have been political allies under different circumstances,’ counters Antony. ‘We did work together for some time.’

‘I think’ says Brutus slowly, ‘that you have some ulterior motive you’ve been angling towards for some time.’

Silence, except for the general ambience of a military encampment the day after a resounding victory. Conversation, men looking forward to returning home, the sharp crackle of an early morning fire. Life goes on. When the sun comes up in full, the bodies left on the battlefield will begin to stink and decay under the full force of the heat.

The fight in Brutus, the revulsion that he will be used for another person’s end goals again, fades out of him, replaced with a quiet grief at the thought of the men he led to their death.

Antony snaps his fingers.

‘You look like you’re thinking unhappy thoughts,’ says Antony. ‘Do not. It’s always better to live. If you must spiral into melancholia, wait until I’m gone.’

‘Besides!’ continues Antony. ‘Soon we will be back in Rome!’

Brutus can’t think of anything he’s looking forward to less.

•

Brutus wishes more than anything that Antony had just given him a sword so he could fall on it.

Currently, the feeling is driven less by a sense of duty (what kind of man begs for mercy? comes the voice of his mother. I didn’t beg this time, mother, he would say in reply) or the open wound of loss, but instead by an intense awareness that he does not belong in this place anymore but more importantly 

annoyance.

If he thought he would have to wait around to see what Octavian and Antony were arguing about back in Philippi, he was wrong. The second Antony had set foot in Rome, with Brutus half a step behind him, Octavian immediately launched into an impassioned speech that started with, ‘You should be grateful to Antony, if it were up to me, I would have taken your head displayed it for all to see,’ (poetic in a grim sort of way, thinks Brutus) and ended with:

‘Don’t get too comfortable. You belong to Antony now, and he’ll do with you whatever he wants.’

It’s clearly meant to be some threat, but it’s laughable because Brutus knows this, everyone who’s heard about the outcome at Philippi knows this, there’s probably creative graffiti about it already going up on the walls of the city, and Octavian says it like Brutus hasn’t spent the last week trying to puzzle together why Antony wanted him alive so badly.

The facts of the world are as follow: the sun rises in the east, it sets in the west, Octavian has only become more insufferable over the years, and Brutus belongs to Antony now.

The only person who doesn’t seem to be aware of this is Antony, who continues to act as though Brutus is more of a peer that he had a minor disagreement and has subsequently forgiven.

‘It’s been nice catching up with you, Octavian,’ says Antony with a smile that conveys that the entire exchange has been anything but nice. ‘But I have things to do, matters to attend to.’  

Brutus says nothing.

Octavian levels him with one last bitter look before turning around and leaving the room.

‘Well!’ says Antony after a moment. ‘That went as well as to be expected. I have a feeling he thought I’d have you executed somewhere along the way back.’

‘He’s not the only one,’ comments Brutus dryly, and Antony punches him in the shoulder good naturedly.

‘I love that grim sense of humor you have,’ he says. ‘Come on, let us go home. I’m fucking exhausted.’  

•

Home, it turns out, is Pompey’s villa.

Or more accurately: it’s Antony’s now.

Brutus can see it on the walls, in the décor, in the choices of fabrics and design. It’s alive, it’s vibrant, it’s a complete antithesis of everything Pompey stood for.  

He likes it.

‘So-’ Antony starts to say, at the exact moment Brutus says:

‘What’s your endgame here, Antony?’

It’s a recreation of the morning in Philippi: the open, if somewhat confusing, amicability that doesn’t quite meet the eyes. The sense that Antony is thinking of things in stratagem, planning for some kind of outcome no one has even thought to imagine, much less prepare for.

The villa is nice. Brutus likes what Antony’s done with the place.

He also feels very much like he’s walked into the open mouth of something with very sharp teeth, and if he must be assigned a role in whatever Antony is gearing up for, he would at least like an idea of what’s to come.

Whatever Antony is searching for in Brutus’ eyes, he must have found, because the tension in his jaw disappears.

‘Some other time,’ he says finally. ‘Not today.’

There’s a promise in between the words.

Brutus tries to feel grateful for that, at least. It’s hard, because once, before all of this, he used to be--

•

--a person.

Antony shows him to one of the rooms, makes some remark about not leaving the villa, with a side glance at Posca, who does his best not to meet Brutus’ eyes, which is understandable. Antony takes off, and in the absence of anything else to do, Brutus decides to try and reinvent himself.

He can no longer be Brutus, descendant of a king killers. He is no longer a reluctant, albeit talented, politician, following in the footsteps of all the other politicians that came before him. He’s not even entirely sure what his status as a citizen of Rome is. In lieu of death, Octavian might push for exile.

The only concrete fact about himself now is that Antony wanted him alive, and so he belongs to Antony.

The lack of solid ground to stand on makes exile a tempting thought.

At some point in the afternoon (no further along in the process of reinvention than when he started) a young woman stops by: Cynthia, if Brutus recalls correctly. One of Antony’s slaves. She asks if he’s hungry, if he’d like an apple and--

--for a moment, Brutus feels like he’s returned to Philippi, standing defeated, surrounded by bodies. The dead don’t eat, they need coins for the afterlife, not food, the dead don’t eat, and he’s not a person anymore--

--Brutus says yes and follows her.

•

Antony is exhausted.

Octavian, he knows, is planning something. There is something ugly and spiteful inside of that youth, Antony can’t stand to be around him, no matter how much Atia dotes on him.  

When Antony returns back home late in the evening, he’s greeted with the sight of Brutus sitting on one of the couches, peeling an apple, while Cynthia stands nearby, slicing up a pear. He pulls the heavy fabric of the toga off his body and casts it across a chair, making his way towards the two.

Draping himself along the couch next to Brutus, he leans over and says, ‘Slice off a piece for me.’

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Posca watching the scene unfold from the quiet shadows of the evening.

Brutus cuts off a part of the apple so that the slice is stuck on the side of the blade, and holds it out to Antony, like this is an everyday occurrence, like Brutus isn’t pointing a knife at the person who owns his life.

He realizes it, a moment later, and freezes, but before he can course correct, pull back, apologize, Antony leans forward and bites the apple slice right off the sharp edge of the knife.

Brutus stares at him.

Or, more specifically, Antony is delighted to note, he stares at the line of Antony’s throat, his gaze lingering for just a second too long.

[slutsofren]

Danger Days Chapter 2: Kill All Your Friends

missed chapter 1? read here!

summary: things get thrown for a bit a loop at the dam when two strangers appear, revealing to be Joel, Tommy's younger brother and a young girl. their presence makes things a little tense but soon gets heated as danger follows them to thr power plant.

word count: 3,352

read on ao3 here

warnings: slight cursing, guns and well, canon-typical murder, hunter attack

notes: does anybody else look at joel and just wanna,,,, punch him in the face with kisses? just because he deserves it? no? only me? 

Humid. It was always fucking humid. The lot of you have been out at the dam for nearly a week with little to be shown as progress. Things in Jackson were doing fine, wonderful even, and then the power went out. Turns out one of the turbines busted, it’s taken you and the whole group working day and night to repair it.

You leaned against the wall, taking in the greenery that was slowly encompassing the whole hydroelectric dam. It was rather beautiful. You glanced over to David, one of the few engineers from the old world, was hunched over the table mumbling softly to himself looking over a rather poorly drawn map of the turbines, trying to figure out what was going wrong. Then glanced to the far side of the courtyard where Tommy and Maria were, both engrossed in some tense conversation. 

Whatever they were whisper-arguing about wasn’t going to be any of your business… until Maria finds you later on to vent at least. A little push off the wall and you grabbed your rifle before swinging it onto your back, groaning that your little break was probably over by now. Today you had guard duty. How fun.

You approached the duo, hoping to simmer down whatever was going on between them, likely both were stressed beyond hell for the turbine to come back on. Maria saw you first and put her hand on her face, rubbing away some tension. She said your name and pulled you into a half hug and you didn’t miss the small thanks she whispered in your ear for interrupting.

“Goin’ back on duty, want me to keep near the front gate?”

Maria nodded, “Sounds good. I’ll follow you in a minute.”

Tommy looked at you and gave you a friendly smile. Although you were casual friends with the man long before you met Maria, he knows where your loyalties lie but also knows you have his back on the field. When you first arrived at Jackson, bloodied and bruised, Maria didn’t trust you as far as she could have tossed you, but as things go, you both wormed into the others hearts through sheer sarcasm and your ‘take no shit’ attitude.

That’s when Tommy knew he was fucked being the only person between the two of you.  

You left and went to go to your post, fanning out the jean jacket you were wearing to help relieve the humidity on your skin. The entrance to the hydroelectric dam was hellbent on attracting unwanted attention. For the near week you’ve been out here you had two bandit attacks, not to mention the ones back at Jackson, causing you to feel even stickier.

You found a spot up top the entrance to keep an eye out through the scope of your rifle, not noticing anything for another couple of hours, Maria not even coming by to her post. Just as you were going to call your shift, you noticed some slight movement across the concrete jungle of the remains of the power plant.

And some more movement.

Then more.

You grabbed your radio and phoned in, “Activity to the east. Two spotted.” The radio clicked and produced static until another click sounded.

Maria called back, “Eyes.”

“Noted. Out.”

With that, you knew exactly what to do. Everybody did. When it came down to it, nobody really did want a gunfight. When the code ‘eyes’ is spoken, it means shut up and watch. If the people pass, they go on their merry way. If they don’t, well, they typically don’t leave alive if they so much as hint at being a threat.

It’s unfortunate this is the way life is now but who are you to fight the changing tides.

You peek through your scope again, watching a dark haired man and a smaller woman work their way through the maze, figuring out how to cross the water. You took your eyes off the scope and began to watch them without the tool until they both began pushing at the gate. You grumble, “Contact made.”

Maria pops in behind you on your left and together you two and two more of the on duty guards on the other end of the gate point your rifles at the duo, revealing yourselves. The man doesn’t take notice until the girl points a gun at your companions then you and he backs off the entrance.

“Don’t even think about drawing your weapon! Tell the girl to drop hers. Now,” Maria shouts besides you.

The man backs up a couple steps, sticking his hand out to the girl, “Ellie, so as the lady says.”

She looks at him and puts her arms up in surrender, “Okay.”

Maria, still holding her rifle at the two strangers, says to the man, “Please tell me you're lost.”

“We didn’t know the place was occupied, we’re just trying to make our way through,” he points through the gate.

“Through to where?”

Then a deep voice picks up, “They're alright.”

You and Maria look away from the two down to the voice, seeing Tommy approaching the gate. “What, you know these people,” Maria asks him.

“I know him,” Tommy grumbles as he opens the gate, “He’s my goddamn brother.”

Oh.

You’d heard stories of the man before, of Joel Miller. From what Tommy has said before you recalled that the man was a bit of a brute, shut off from everybody after losing his daughter. He was a hunter and did some goddamned awful things in this world but quite frankly, who hasn’t? You know you have in the past to ensure your survival. It was something Tommy hated that his brother participated in but you couldn’t blame him, not after the shit you’ve seen and done.

Joel looked at his brother and his shoulders slumped, “Tommy.”

“Holy shit,” he said and moved past the safety of the gates and went straight to Joel, wrapping his arms around him.

“How you doin’, baby brother?”

Maria shot you a look that clearly stated she didn’t trust the man, despite being her brother-in-law, she heard the same stories you did. The man was a hunter, a murderer, even a smuggler. The very kind of people that don’t bode well with Jackson. With a sigh, you both put down your rifles and headed down to the gate to meet Joel and the girl, Ellie. She walked right up to the two men and you could faintly hear Tommy say, “You got fuckin’ old.”

“Easy - it’s gonna happen to you too,” Joel quipped.

Tommy took a step back, you watched how he shuffled on his feet and introduced Maria. “Be nice to her, she sorta runs things around here.”

“Ma’am.” Joel nods his head towards her. “Thanks for not blowing my head off.”

You roll your eyes at this from where you’re watching this all unfold, internally gagging at Joel’s whole ‘southern charm’ bit. Although he should be more grateful to you for not shooting him. Maria looks at Tommy beside her, “Would’ve been embarrassing, considering you’re my brother-in-law.”

An amused smile immediately hits your lips as you watch Joel try to absorb that information. He looks between the couple a few times before Tommy says, “We all gotta get wrangled up at some point.”

Maria turns to you and you lose the smile as she extends a hand for you to approach. “And this here is my second in command,” introducing you to Joel by giving him your first name and he nods his head, both of you deciding to not say a word to each other, silently sizing the other up. His eyes don’t leave yours but for a brief moment you swear his eyes flash down your body and back up as he lets out a low huff.

Oh, it’s on old man, you think.

Maria chuckles, noticing whatever the hell is happening between you two, and she turns towards the girl. “Ellie, right? What brings you through here?”

Ellie looks towards Joel for guidance, “Uh… it’s kind of a long story.”

Tommy immediately notices all the other eyes and ears watching this interaction unfold and puts his hand on Maria’s back, picking up the clear signal for some privacy. “Why don’t we bring ‘em inside?”

“Yeah, you hungry,” she asks Ellie.

“Starving,” the girl groans. You smile a bit, feeling pretty amused at this whole thing. From the stories you’ve been told about Joel it seemed very unlikely he’d be traveling with a companion, much less a child.

Tommy steps aside as you walk back through the gate first, Maria and Ellie behind you. “False alarm. They're friendlies,” you shout, walking further in the power plant leading the group. You take a quick glance around at the other scouts on shift, watching them watch the newcomers. Everybody was on edge, everybody was wary. The fact Tommy and Maria were letting some strangers in, in the midst of repairing an essential component to Jackson functioning properly, was not going past anybody.

You can hear Maria as she explains the stares and the heavily armed posts to Joel somewhere behind you, “We’ve been dealing with raids. Lots of bandits in this area.”

“It’s been quiet for a few days,” Tommy adds on, explaining why they answered at the gate so aggressively, as if it was any consolation of almost killing his brother and the girl.

“What the hell are you doing here? I thought I’d find you in Jackson.”

“Been trying to bring the plant back to life,” Tommy explains.

This time you chime in, “We had it working before, but one of the turbines went south about a week ago. Been tryin’ to fix it up.”

Tommy adjusts his rifle on his shoulder. “We have electricity Joel… had. We’ll get it running again.”

Ellie runs past you, approaching a few of the horses. “No way! You guys have horses.”

“We got a whole lot of ‘em,” Tommy tells her. You watch as she puts her hand on the brown and white one, petting it softly.

Beside the horse is Cherry, one of the few horse wranglers in Jackson, she was kind and sweet, pretty young too all things considered. She was tall and bulky from years of shoving heavy loads of hay, sometimes you’d wonder what it’d be like to get tossed around by her. She’s kind of notorious for winning hand-to-hand combat scenarios in the training hall. Not that you ever went.

Cherry tells Ellie about the horse and they get to talking about the animal. You also hear Charlie over your shoulder asking Tommy for help with one of the iron shoes on another horse. You take a few steps back then marching towards the warehouse, settling against the wall next to Earl and he gives you a brief nod acknowledging you. He’s sweet, you think, you’ve never spoken to him much but you recall he’s one of the maintenance men around Jackson. Thankfully he’s the silent type and you don’t have to try and make polite small talk with him.

As you both lean against the wall quietly, you begin watching both Ellie and Joel and how they’re assessing the environment. Ellie seems very excited petting the horse and talking to Cherry but Joel looks on edge, mirroring everyone else. He catches you staring and looks away slowly, now watching Ellie talk to Cherry about going riding later on.

Maria and Tommy make their way towards you and you push off, walking up the stairs and opening the door, you faintly hear Maria talk to Earl about heading back to Jackson. The door creaks open and you let Tommy, Joel, Ellie, then Maria into the warehouse until both your and Maria’s radios crackle. “Maria, we’re in the control room. Steve’s about to start it back up. Do you wanna come check it out?”

Maria sighs and mumbles back to you, “I’d rather eat with Ellie.”

You stifle a bit of a laugh at her candor in front of the others and Tommy interjects, “It’s my turn anyway. I’ll go.”

Joel then volunteers to go with his brother, telling Ellie to go with you and Maria but not before flashing you a look that says something akin to ‘try something and I’ll hunt you’.

Before Ellie could protest, Maria pulls her along. “C’mon, Ellie. Let’s give the boys some space.”

The three of you are relatively quiet leading back to the office room where the food was. Ellie kept looking over her shoulder, likely for Joel. You started wondering how he came across her, doubting any possibility she was his daughter. Tommy would have known if that were the case.

You gave a look over at Ellie, now seeing her a little closer. She looks slightly gaunt, likely hasn’t eaten in a few days you suspect which worries you a bit. No kid should have to go without.

“When was the last time you ate,” you ask her.

She ponders for a moment, “Before we got here I was pretty sure that the next squirrel I saw I was gonna eat.”

You and Maria raised your eyebrows at her admission before gently laughing as you reached the room. Maria pulls out some jars of fruit and a container of jerky from underneath and hands it to her, “Here, eat some of this. We have better options back in Jackson but while we don’t have a full service kitchen out here, this is the best we got.”

“That’s okay! I’ll eat almost anything at this point,” she openly admits. You take notice in how expressive she is, likely warming up to you and Maria now.

The three of you get to talking, making idle chatter over a few opened mason jars and a hefty supply of jerky. The more you talk with Ellie, the more you grow to like her. She’s got a mouth of a sailor and sarcasm that’d turn any old man running. 

Wonder if she’s annoyed the hell out of Joel, you muse. Now you sit, chewing on fruit and imagining how easy it’d be to get under his skin. You’re torn out of your thoughts when the lights suddenly turn on, “Thank the damned stars! I’m ready to get out of here. Everybody is driving me up the wall.”

Maria throws a loose grape at you, “Thanks a lot, asshole.”

“Anytime,” you wink.

“How long have you two known each other,” Ellie asks you both. 

You pop a piece of fruit in your mouth, “Just two years. She was already married to Tommy when I arrived.”

“Can’t believe you’re married to his brother,” Ellie groans. “Joel is such a grump, can’t imagine how the other one is.”

Maria nods and smiles, still eating some of the peaches. “Oh, trust me. Some days I want to strangle him. Didn’t expect to ever meet Joel, if I’m bein’ honest.”

“I couldn’t recognize him, not even by that photo,” you say mindlessly, reaching for your canteen and drinking water.

Ellie picks her head up a little more, “Photo? What photo?”

Maria gets up from her seat and walks to one of the duffle bags in the other room, she searches around before she pulls out a photo and when she returns, hands it to Ellie. She gestures to you, “Her and Tommy went down to Texas about a year ago, he wanted to see what was left of his and Joel’s old life and scavenge what they could.”

“We didn’t find much,” you continue, “Tommy didn’t think he’d ever see his brother again, it was like his way of saying goodbye so he took this photo of him and a couple others.”

“Who’s the girl,” Ellie asks looking at the picture.

“Sarah.” You shift in your seat, not feeling entirely comfortable with this conversation anymore. 

Maria finishes your sentence, “She was his daughter. She didn’t survive very long after the outbreak.”

Before you could try to steer the conversation in another direction, a loud siren echoed through the hall as shouts filled the warehouse.

“Bandits,” someone shouted as gunshots rang out.

You stand up and push Ellie behind you, looking for your rifle. It was too far away, tucked under one of the abandoned desks. “Fuck,” you shout as you see a handful of hunters enter the room.

Drawing the two handguns strapped to your thighs, you begin to take shots at them, not exactly hitting them where it was vital but enough to make them stumble and drop. Maria grabs you by the shoulder, “Let’s go!”

You retreat backwards into the closed off manager-type office and from the corner of your eye you see a man rise from the other side of a broken window and take aim at Ellie behind you. You whipped around and shoved against her with an ‘oof’ just as you hear something whizz past you and hit the wall above the two of you.

Hovering above Ellie, you keep her head down with your right hand, abandoning the gun beside her as you and Maria take alternating shots at the invaders. “Move, Ellie,” you tell her, lifting yourself up to give her room to maneuver into the office while shielding her.

Maria shuffles into the room after you and the girl, “There’s more coming in. We can’t take all of them.”

“Shit, okay,” you look around frantically. You were running low on bullets now, the rest of your spare ammunition was left in your backpack. In an entirely different area. Your eyes searched around the small room and you got Maria’s attention, together you pulled a nearby table into the office, barricading yourselves. 

“Under the table, now,” she yells at Ellie then looks at you.“Guess we’ll have to wait for the men to save us,” she says a little bitterly.

Together, the three of you hid. Waiting for the echo of bullets to cease after what feels like a lifetime.

Faintly, you could hear the familiar voice of Tommy yelling and a gruff one responding, likely his brother. You released the breath you had been holding onto as the last gunshot rang out. Between you and Maria, Ellie had her hands over her ears and she slowly lowered them until jumping up and shouting “They’re all dead!”

Maria rose to her feet as Tommy and her called out for each other, “The kid’s with us!” She jumps out the shattered window and runs to her husband as they check over each other.

You help Ellie out the office room the same way and Joel looks over her the same way as she recalls the attack.  “Joel, oh, man…,” Ellie begins talking so fast that she’s out of breath. “They were coming in from every direction and they were both like ‘we gotta run’ and so we dove over these tables and this huge guy blasts in with a shotgun-”

“Slow down, slow down. Listen-,” Joel cuts her off. He puts his hands on her shoulders and looks her in the eye, “Hey, hey, are you hurt?”

“No!” She looks at you, “She protected me!”

Joel follows her gaze and you look him in the eye, cocking an eyebrow at him. 

You’re not really competitive, you don’t really like attention either, but there was something about Joel fuckin’ Miller that really got to you. Maybe it was the way he seemed to be mindful of everything, maybe it was the way his eyes roamed over your body, maybe it was the fact he was unfortunately making you squirm where you stood as his hardened glare seemed to see right through you, asking you to try him.

Whatever it was, his hardened stare made you quiver ever so slightly. You took a few very mindful steps away from the man, walking towards Maria and Tommy when you caught the tail end of whatever he was saying to your best friend, “- to talk.”

It seemed like that was not what Maria wanted to hear as her already pale face grew paler and her signature scowl etched back across her face.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt where it's a well kept Jiang Sect secret that Wei Wuxian is half-dragon, but removing his golden core also destroys the control needed to keep him in human form? Absolutely need to have Jiang siblings having dragon rides as little kids then after the war Wei Wuxian giving (alive) Jiang Yanli lifts to visit her fiance/in-laws. Imagine dainty little miss stepping off a Giant Dragon... no shovel talk needed there!

1

It's a “secret” in the sense that most clan treasures are “secret” – the sort of secret that you definitely don’t explicitly brag about at discussion conferences, but you also don’t really say too much to deny it if asked, and if you do it’s the kind of denial where you’re winking so hard that you have to rub your eyes to get rid of the tears.

When asked about the difficulties of parenting, Jiang Fengmian will casually complain about how shed scales can be so annoying to step on late at night; at the same time, acting as the perfect hostess, Yu Ziyuan will ask guests to excuse dents in the wall, blaming tails and claws longer than a finger, apologizing for the frightful state of her home and insisting that she’d scold the boy when she had some time, which oddly enough she never seemed to find.

2

Not one of them knows how to teach a dragon how to fly, so Wei Wuxian figures out flying on a sword before he figures out how to do what theoretically should come naturally to him in his transformed state. It was a matter of some frustration to him, and he ended up asking Madame Yu to throw him off the roof until he got the hang of it.

Jiang Fengmian was upset, but Jiang Yanli thought it was nice that her mother was finally bonding with the son that had been forced on her. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng, who’d been assigned catching duties, spent the entire afternoon running around from place to place and didn’t have time to have an opinion on it.

3

“Why did you have to punch him?” Madame Yu demanded. “You’re a disgrace, Wei Wuxian.”

“I’m sorry.”

“If you really couldn’t control your tempter, at the very least you should have limited yourself to threatening to eat him. That would’ve shut him up without disturbing the engagement.”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Next time: more teeth, less fists.”

“And you’d better remember it.”

4

You know what’s the only thing scarier than a full-fledged giant dragon trying to kill you?

A giant dragon backed up with an army of corpses.

5

“Wait, so the rumors are true? Wei Wuxian really is –?”

“He is.”

“Full size and all?”

“That’s right.”

“…huh. Wow.”

“I bet I can guess what’s the first thought that came to your head, and it wasn’t ‘wow, how impressive’ or ‘wow, how fearsome’. It was same as everyone else’s: ‘wow, Hanguang-Jun is really brave’.”

[amelialincoln]

So Close

(I know this timeline doesn't made sense but oh well)

Amelia sat in the stiff, plastic chair in the waiting room of the OB/GYN floor, her fingertips gracing the underside of the small bump that had formed over the last couple weeks as her second trimester progressed. Link was late, as always. Probably jogging through the corridors of some random floor of the hospital. His ability to get lost in a hospital he’d been working at for the last three years was almost admirable. Sometimes she’d find him wandering through vacant stairwells and poking his head into random offices, completely disoriented and probably holding a string of patients up. She did enjoy when he’d get lost on the neuro floor because it meant that she’d probably get a short visit if he managed to find her under the pile of paperwork that had formed since Edwards had left. Her fellow had always taken care of that type of stuff. Amelia had completely forgotten how to function without her. She glanced at the clock again.

“Hey!” Link’s voice snapped her out of her daze and she glanced up to find him leaning on the doorframe of the waiting room.

“Hi,” she breathed, giving him a nervous smile before focusing behind him on the cheesy poster that outlined some medical miracle about a set of triplets that were supposed to not have made it out of utero. She found herself shuddering at the thought.

“You okay?” Links brows were knit together in concern and he quickly closed the space between them. “You look worried.”

“I just have this pit in my stomach,” she responded, staring at the ground and trying to physically shake off the feeling that she’d woken up with that morning. “I feel like something is wrong.”

“Like nauseous?” Link was trying to understand, he’d noticed the change in behavior as they’d woken up that morning but had been late for work and wasn’t able to check in on her. She shook her head in response, interlocking her fingers together at the curve of her stomach. Link was about to question further when he was interrupted by the sound of their names being called into Carina’s examination room

“She’ll be in shortly." The nurse smiled softly, as she closed the door gently behind her. Link held out his hands to his girlfriend as she awkwardly hoisted herself up onto the reclined chair.

“Moving much today?” He asked, trying to distract her from whatever she was in deep thought about. Amelia shook her head, surprising him.

“They’ve been pretty still.” Link had finally been able to feel a kick a couple of days ago and was still completely mesmerized by the idea. The flutters had started a little while before, shocking her at first because it was something that she never actually experienced with Christopher, despite the tricks her mind had played on her.

“Ciao,” Carina greeted them as she entered the chilly examination room and slid into the swivel chair beside the ultrasound machine. “Good to see you guys again. How are we feeling? Eighteen weeks now, yes?” Amelia nodded, Link could tell she was nervous as she swallowed uncomfortably.

“What’s wrong, Mia?” He said aloud, receiving a look of confusion from Carina. He wrapped his warm hands around her cold ones and could tell that she was on the verge of tears.

“Everything’s probably fine,” she shook her head uneasily as Carina and Link hesitated in silence. Finally she picked up the light blue bottle of ultrasound gel and spread it over her stomach carefully. “Can we get this over with? I have surgery and I still need to get lunch or Link will attack me for not eating enough.” She tried to smile at him but he could tell that she was internally freaking out. When he didn’t return her enthusiasm she looked away, fixating on the ultrasound which had just whirled to life. Carina expertly guided the wand around Amelia’s abdomen before glancing at the couple worriedly. Amelia felt as though time stood still when the obstetrician bit her lower lip and turned the monitor slowly out of their view. Link’s grip on her hand loosened and he muttered something incoherent in confusion. He didn’t understand what that meant or what was going on like she did. He didn’t know that the way Carina was staring at that screen meant that something was undoubtedly wrong. She wouldn’t either if she hadn’t experienced that same look before, worn on her best friend as she delivered Amelia the news that resulted in one of the worst days of her life.

“What’s wrong with them?” She finally broke the silence. “What’s wrong with our babies?”

“I should get a second opinion,” Carina finally responded, tearing her eyes away from the screen and looking at the anxious couple. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t understand.” Link felt like he was a million miles away and that everyone in the room knew something he didn’t.

“What do you think it is?” Amelia found the words slipping out of her mouth before she decided if she even wanted to know the answer.

“TTTS,” Carina replied, hoping to god that she didn’t have to spell it out for them. The way Amelia recoiled made it obvious that she didn’t have to. “We don’t have a lot of time.”

“Which one is weaker?” Amelia asked so fast that Link had barely processed Carina’s response.

“The girl,” the OB replied, glancing at the heart beat once again to confirm before nodding.

“Have you done the procedure?” Her pregnant co-worker’s voice was as fragile as a china doll.

“Dr. Robbins is the only one who has successfully completed multiple solos in North America,” Carina forced herself to continue. “She’s overseas at a conference. Wouldn’t be able to make it to Seattle until tomorrow night if she got on a plane immediately.” She could tell that her male co-worker was in a daze, trying to understand what the pair were even talking about while also stealing nervous glances at girlfriend.

“I need to call Addison, can you just give us a second?” The neurosurgeon begged. Carina nodded, stepping out of the room and thanking god she could finally breathe again. Amelia picked up her phone with shaky hands and found Addison’s name almost immediately, willing for her ex sister-in-law to pick up.

“Amelia, what?” Link’s voice made it evident that he had finally made the connection that something was wrong.

“We don’t have a lot of time,” she willed her voice to stay level. “Addie?”

“Hey, Amy!” Addison’s voice was light and cheerful as were most of her friends who lived in L.A.

“Have you done a twin endoscopic laser ablation?” She found herself blurting out, not knowing if she had the mental ability to engage in small talk. Link had gone so white she thought he might pass out beside her.

“I’ve watched a couple and assisted on a couple when I was working under Kypros in the U.K.” Addison’s voice was suddenly solemn. “Why, do you have a friend?” The phone’s static crackled as Amelia tried to find a way to put everything into words. “Amy...no.”

“Yeah,” her voice cracked into a million pieces and Link regained enough composure to tug her into what he hoped was a comforting embrace.

“I’m getting on a plane,” Addison’s voice rang clear, loud enough for Link to understand. “We’re going to fix this. I’ll read every article there is to read on my flight and we’ll fix this, okay?”

“Okay.”

[][][]

Link wasn’t known to get aggressive but it took everything he had not to punch a hole in the wall of the room that the couple was frozen in after finally learning the seriousness of the position they were in.

“Even if the surgery is successful, it’s rare that the donor twin will survive,” Amelia added numbly, as Link led her into an on-call room.

“Addison’s going to come,” Link didn’t know what else to say, “and she’s going to figure this out.” He guided her onto the bed and allowed her to burrow her head into the crook of his neck. He undid the clasp to the bra that she’d been complaining was getting too small for weeks now and placed it beside them gently. It was the fact that she was silent that worried him the most. There were hardly any secrets or hidden passive aggression in their relationship. Everything on Amelia’s mind was almost immediately blurted out and he was barely ever kept in the dark about how she was feeling. “Do you want to talk?” He asked, not knowing what else to say. Amelia shook her head, closing her eyes and letting out a long shaky exhale. Link sighed, dropping his hand into her hair and massaging her scalp gently.

“Feels good,” she mumbled, her hands travelling over her stomach. She wanted to pray to god that they were both okay but she was trying to push every thought that entered her mind away. She knew about the syndrome enough to know that if one had died the other one would follow quickly, their little blood supply completely interconnected. She glanced up to find Link’s eyes teary, so deep in thought that it seemed like he was a million miles away. “Do you understand what’s going on now?” She found herself asking but in no way wanted to explain it to him.

“My mom was pregnant with twins,” Link’s voice was soft, “After me. Something went wrong.” His brow was furrowed, as if he was trying to remember the event that had happened years ago.

“Oh,” Amelia replied. “I’m sorry.”

“I was too young to really remember.” Link shook his head. “Is this genetic? Is this my fault?” He looked at her in a way that made it evident that he had begun to blame the entire situation on himself.

“No,” she forced out quickly. “It’s not genetic.” She waited until he relaxed. “It’s not your fault. It's not either of our faults.” That thought had been running through her head since they’d found out the news and she was still trying to convince herself it was true. Link relaxed beside her and pressed his palms into his face. He didn’t like when she saw him cry, she knew that well enough. They stayed that way for what felt like hours, both trying to hold back tears by holding each other instead. Every flutter inside her gave her hope that they were doing okay and every so often she’d press Link’s hand to her abdomen, hoping that he could feel them too.

[][][]

Addison, still buzzing from the three iced coffees and adrenaline of practically rolling out of bed on her day off and catching a plane to Seattle, entered the examination room breathlessly. Link was cradling Amelia’s small frame in his arms, whispering something inaudible to her into her hair. It was the type of exchange that physically hurt to watch and she felt frozen in time for a millisecond.

“Hi,” she found herself saying from the doorway. Amelia lifted her head in response and wiped her red, irritated eyes on Link’s scrub top. “I’m so sorry.” Amelia shrugged, Addison could tell she wanted to make some inappropriate and emotionless joke but couldn’t piece anything together.

“Here we go again.” Was all she could manage to say, in a tone that made Addison want to cry herself. Link allowed her enough space to pull Amelia into a hug.

“We should do an ultrasound now. Carina hasn’t filled me in yet. Can you--”

“Last time we checked they were still doing okay,” Amelia interrupted. “Or were still alive, I guess I should say. The donor twin, she’s the girl, her heartbeat was slowing down. The boy's was still beating strong last we checked.”

“Okay,” Addison muttered, picking up the familiar instrument and spreading gel over Amelia’s stomach. “So I don’t have to give you the speech on how the procedure, if done right, should be successful for the recipient twin? We can hope that the girl will survive but the odds are less.” Amelia nodded.

“I remember from when you assisted on the one at St. Ambrose. I think I was living with you at the time. You talked about it at dinner. It was a miracle they both survived.”

“You and your insane memory.” Addison smiled, cupping her shoulder and giving it a light squeeze for support. Amelia held her breath as the machine whirled to life. Addison found their boy’s heartbeat easily before focusing on their baby girl. Amelia glanced up at Link with teary eyes, not wanting to watch as Addison moved the instrument around expertly. Finally the sound of a slow thunder echoed through the room and the pairs entire bodies relaxed a little. “We need to get in there now,” Addison sighed. “No need to book an O.R. and waste time, it’s very minimally invasive. The first one I watched was performed in a practice.” She motioned to one of the nurses, who was waiting outside, to enter the room. “Let’s sterilize the room as best we can. Get Carina in here, she should observe and I need all the equipment now.” The nurse nodded quickly before going to complete Addison’s orders. “I’m going to inject the aesthetic, you’ll feel a little pinch.”

“Relax, babe,” Link said softly, placing a hand on Amelia’s tensed shoulders as Addison snapped a pair of gloves on and picked up the needle.

“Alright, one, two, three,” she muttered quickly as she swiftly inserted the needle and placed a small piece of gauze over the injection site. Amelia winced as the long needle entered her stomach and looked away. Carina appeared in the doorway with the nurse and handed Addison three long instruments. “Alright, Amelia, just look up at the screen for me okay? We’re going to see your babies in just a second.”

“Can you count down again?” The neurosurgeon asked, knowing that Addison was trying to distract her from the large rod she was about to stab into her abdomen.

“You should barely feel it with the anesthetic...but of course,” Addison responded. “Just look at the screen, okay?” She glanced at Link who was looking queasy despite his speciality being one of the goriest. “One, two, three,” she stabbed the sharp end of the rod into the side of Amelia’s baby bump before pushing it in gently and sliding the scope inside. “You see his hand?” Amelia nodded, mesmerized by the image of the screen.

“This is always my favourite part,” Carina interjected. “Seeing the little ones in utero. So peaceful.” Link nodded with his eyes, alike Amelia’s, focused intensely on the screen.

“So now we just have to decipher which blood vessels belong to which baby,” Addison announced, guiding the scope down below their son.

“Can we see her?” Amelia asked.

“Of course,” Addison glanced up at her sister and could tell she was trying to catch a glimpse of the second baby. “You can get a look at her before we pull it out.” Addison and Carina’s voices were hushed as they turned the screen towards each other, deciding which blood vessel belonged to which and not wanting any input from the worried parents. Addison took a deep breath and allowed time to slow. She tried to block out the fact that this wasn’t just any worried mother but it was the person she’d already delivered awful news to once before. After nodding a final time to Carina, she started the laser.

[slowly-writing]

Hometown

Jennifer Jareau x Reader

Word count: 2.1K

Requested by anon: hey! Can you do a JJ x reader where the BAU works a case where the reader has to go to her hometown and it brings up some difficult things for her but JJ helps her through it?

Warnings: mentions of canon typical violence and a crappy family

“Three women have been found dead in their homes in the last week. Each time the unsub has left an elaborate harddrive at the scene. The locals have been unable to get into them and have requested our help,” Hotch starts the briefing. Everyone looks down at the case files in front of them. You’re all saddened at the brutality of the crimes, but your sharp intake of breath draws all eyes to you.

“You good, y/l/n? It’s bad, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before,” Morgan says and you shake your head.

“I’m fine,” you snap, and that only confuses them further.

“Obviously you’re not. What’s going on?” Penelope asks and you grit your teeth.

“I said I’m fine Garcia. Just drop it!” There’s a moment of tense silence as everyone tries to process the situation before Hotch continues the briefing. As everyone looks back to the screen JJ grabs your hand under the table. She knows what’s going on, she saw it in the file too. You’re going back to your hometown, and it’s not going to be a nice reunion.

Hotch dismisses the briefing not long after and you dash from the room. Everyone looks to JJ, waiting for her to explain your behavior.

“Spill,” Morgan says and her jaw drops.

“Spill what? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she tries to blow it off and is met with several simultaneous eye rolls.

“Spill what’s got your girl all riled up. She’s never snapped like that before. Especially not at me,” Garcia states, crossing her arms and pouting slightly and JJ sighs.

“I know, and I know she’s gonna be beating herself up for it. Just, please be gentle,” she knows how upset you’re gonna be with yourself for taking your frustrations out on your team, and she hopes they won’t hold it against you.

“We’re gonna forgive her. We just wanna know what’s going on,” Rossi tells her.

“The case is in her hometown. She’s got some…not so great memories there. I don’t think she’s quite ready to relive them just yet,” the team all nods in understanding. “But it’s coming one way or the other. Come on, I’m sure she’s halfway to the tarmac by now.”

xxxxx

You had your hands shoved in your pockets as you walked into the precinct. You didn’t want anyone to see how tightly your fists were clenched. You shuffled in behind the rest of the BAU. You hadn’t talked to them yet, but they seemed to have an unspoken agreement to form a barrier between you and the locals, but there was only so much they could do.

“Well if it isn’t little Y/n Gardner, what brings you back to our humble town?” You flinch as the cop throws an arm around your shoulder and ruffles your hair. The rest of the team sends you confused looks for the second, and probably not the last, time of the day.

“I’m here for work, Charlie,” you shrug the man off and straighten your hair.

“Always working, aren’t you? Curious, wanting to solve all the mysteries. That curiosity of yours has caused you some problems in the past. Don’t you think it’s time you let up?” The rest of the team senses the anger in his voice and Hotch steps in.

“Regardless of the past, we have a job to do. Could you lead us to where we can set up?” He asks firmly and Charlie smirks.

“Chief Gardener is probably around here somewhere. He could show you,” he’s looking around and you cut him off.

“I know where the conference room is. We’ll get there on our own,” you say, walking toward the room on the other side of the precinct. You open the door, ushering the team inside with a grimace, “we can set up in here.”

The team is full of questions, but they’re also profilers. They know you’re in no mood to open up to them right now, so they shove the curiosity to the back of their minds and focus on the case.

xxxxx

“Alright, let’s deliver the profile,” Hotch announced to the team. It took everything in you to hold back your groan. Over the last few days you’ve been able to avoid direct contact with local law enforcement. They all had their eyes on you constantly, either sending looks of pity or hate to the girl who divided the town. Mainly you stayed in the conference room. Reid taught you how to build a geographical profile, and you helped Penelope with the computer where you could. You even managed to not be seen by the chief yet, but this briefing would put you right in his line of sight.

You stood up silently and went into the bullpen as Hotch asked the nearest officer to gather everyone. Your plan was to stand in the back and be quiet, but as you saw the man across the room look at you, you realized that wouldn’t be happening.

“The man we’re looking for is-“ Hotch is cut off.

“I wanna hear it from y/n,” the chief says and you clench your jaw.

“Now isn’t the time Jacob. Just shut up and let Agent Hotchner tell you who we’re looking for. The sooner we catch him the sooner I’ll be out of here and you won’t have to worry about me,” you say as calmly as you can.

“And let you ruin another innocent man’s life? I’m not gonna sit by and watch you do to somebody else what you did to dad,” he says, pushing himself off the wall he’s been leaning on and taking a few steps towards you and you snap.

“Dad was a lot of things, but innocent wasn’t one of them,” you can feel yourself losing your cool as you close the gap between the two of you. “He hurt a lot of people, Jake.”

“Oh and you’re quite the reliable source. His bastard daughter. What was it? Daddy didn’t give you enough attention? You had to find another way to get all eyes on you, huh?” he spits out. You’re about to throw a punch, but luckily you’re surrounded by a group of profilers who know you better than anyone. As you go to pull your arm back Derek wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up and quite literally removing you from the situation. When he sets you down a few feet away JJ’s face is in front of yours, her hands on your shoulders.

“Calm down, everything’s alright,” she whispers as you avoid eye contact, brushing her arms off of you.

“I’m fine,” you say for the hundredth time this week and take off, going outside to get some air. You make your way to the back alley, furiously rubbing at your face and trying to stop the tears you can feel building up. JJ is the first one outside and you don’t fight her this time as she pulls you into her arms. You bury your face in her shoulder as the tears start to fall. You’re exhausted from trying to keep it all in, both physically and emotionally, and soon you’re sobbing so hard you’re starting to hyperventilate.

“Hey, look at me, right at me. Just focus on my voice,” JJ says as she pulls away and takes your hand, placing it on her chest. “Just follow my breathing love, you’re okay.”

After a few minutes you’re able to get breathing back in check, and you latch onto JJ again. You hear the door open and your whole body goes rigid, not ready to face Jacob yet.

“Hey, it’s just us. We wanted to check on you,” Spencer’s voice is barely above a whisper, as if talking to a spooked animal.

“I’m okay,” you mumble, pulling away from JJ and wiping the tears away in embarrassment. You still keep a tight grip on her hand, but your gaze is on the floor.

“You don’t have to hide from us. We all get it,” Penelope says and you smile a bit.

“I guess you want an explanation,” you say with a self deprecating laugh, hating that you’ve ended up in this situation.

“Only if you’re ready,” Hotch gives you an out, but you don’t take it.

“No, I want you all to know. It’s just kind of a long story.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world, babygirl.” You roll your eyes at Derek’s nickname before speaking again.

“That was my brother in there. He’s a few years older than me. Our dad cheated on his mom with mine when he was six and they had me. My mom died when I was four and I went to go live with my dad. None of them particularly liked me. Ever since I moved in there had been problems between my dad and Jacob’s mom. She pretended I didn’t exist and my dad…well I wished he did. He beat up on me pretty bad, but he was the chief of police, so everyone turned a blind eye. When I was nine I found out my dad was involved in some pretty shady stuff. Drug dealing, embezzlement, you name it he was probably doing it,” you explain and Penelope speaks up.

“How does a nine year old figure that out?” She asks and you look away again. JJ squeezes your hand drawing your eyes to her as she puts the pieces together. You can see the question in her eyes and you just nod, you can do this.

“I uh…I found his stash. I saw some powder in this little bag in his room and I thought it was candy, like a pixie stick or something. So I hid it in my pocket when he wasn’t looking. I was at the station after school, sitting in the conference room actually, when I went to eat it. I poured some on my tongue, the second I tasted it I spit it out. I came running into the bullpen yelling ‘Dad why does your candy taste funny?’ and waving the bag around. He panicked, started screaming at me, calling me every name in the book right there in front of the whole precinct. Half the guys still work here…I still don’t know if it’s the cocaine that I ingested or the fear of having him lose it, probably a bit of both, but I passed out. They had to rush me to the hospital. The one here doesn’t have a pediatric unit so they had to take me to the county one. When an ambulance came in with a little kid and half a dozen cop cars following it, the doctors had some questions. It launched a whole investigation. There was a whole ring here in town and a lot of people went down. It’s not like I was trying to break it apart, I was nine. I wasn’t investigating it. It was an accident but I sure got blamed. I had to testify at his trial. I knew the way he treated me was’t right, but I didn’t realize I was digging his grave a bit deeper with every word I said until a few years ago. Last I heard he was doing fifteen to twenty years. He should be up for parole soon,” you realize, and you start to spiral, staring off into space and wondering what will happen when he gets out. JJ calling your name pulls you back into reality.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I ended up living with an aunt after all that. I went by my mom’s last name, legally changed it when I turned eighteen. I kept my head down and worked my ass off. I graduated high school at 16 and never looked back. If I had I might know how the hell Jacob was able to get a job in this precinct, let alone run it,” you finish and before anyone can speak Penelope has practically tackled you into a hug.

“Did you know any of this?” Rossi’s question is directed at JJ and she lets out a sigh.

“I knew she had a bad experience with drugs as a kid. She freaks out whenever I leave a bottle of tylenol where Henry can see it, that makes sense now. I knew it was because of her father. And I knew she wasn’t on speaking terms with any of her family,” JJ lists off and you feel your eyes starting to water once again.

“It’s not something I talk about. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you.” JJ shakes her head, cupping your cheek in her hand.

“I’m not mad. It was your story to tell me when you were ready,” she places a kiss on your forehead  and you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

“Alright, let’s go catch this son of a bitch so we can get the hell out of here,” you say and the team agrees, heading back into the building with a renewed desire to close this case. 

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @5aftermidnight @im-salt-but-not-salty @riotmaximoff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

Criminal minds tag list: @reidingandwriting

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch40: I Went For The Head

Intro: The Avengers track Thanos down and confront him for a final time, but it doesn’t go according to plan, and leaves them facing the horrible fact that there is simply nothing they can do to set anything right.

Warnings: Bad Language words. And a helluva load of angst.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: Please heed the warnings… thanks to @angrybirdcr​ for this edit- the first one of Katie in the Supernova suit... 

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 39 Part 2

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

“Can I have a cheeseburger yet?” Tony grumbled.

“Probably best to start with something a little less greasy.” Bruce stated, checking the drips attached to Tony’s arm. “It will play havoc with your stomach.”

“Porridge?” Pepper suggested.

“What?” Tony pulled a face “For real?”

“Good idea.” Bruce ignored Tony as he continued to check the readings on the monitor besides the bed. “With honey, it will help your energy levels”

“And then a cheeseburger later? “ Tony persisted. 

“What is this obsession you two have with cheeseburgers?” Bruce looked at him, then to Katie as Tony shrugged.

“But seriously…” he began and Pepper cut him off

“No, Tony!”

“I’m gonna go get that porridge before this turns into a full scale domestic.” Katie grinned. 

“’ll have it in the living room.” Tony sat up a little more.

“No, you won’t.” Katie looked at him at the same time Pepper protested but Tony cut them both off.

“Yes I will.” He shot back, “We need to talk, de brief, plan.” “Steve, tell him it can wait.” Katie looked round at her husband, who had up until that point been observing silently from the side of the room. He made the mistake of hesitating, just for a split second, and she glared at him.

“Honey…” He began and she held her hand up.

“Don’t wanna hear it.” “Look, Tony’s right.” Steve tried to explain but she shook her head.

“No, no he is not. Bruce, help me out here please!” She looked to the Doctor for help who sighed as he shook his head.

“What’s the point? He’ll do it anyway.” Bruce’s voice was resigned. “I’ll fetch a chair.” “I don’t believe this.” Katie groaned and ran her hands over her face as Pepper and Tony were now full on arguing. She looked at Steve and he visibly recoiled at the look of pure anger on her face “If anything happens to him I swear to God, Steve, I will kill you!”

Steve knew Tony should be resting, he really did, but the Billionaire had been adamant earlier that they needed to do something, and fast. And they’d been on tenterhooks for over three weeks now. Steve was itching to see if Tony knew something that could help. Simply put, he didn’t want to wait any longer.

Half an hour or so later they reconvened in the conference room, Katie still extremely pissed off. Tony was sat at the table, perched in a wheelchair with an IV bag connected to his arm, hung from a pole behind him, the remnants of a bowl of porridge were in front of him. He was busy looking at the pictures of those that were lost flashing on the holographic screens all around the table as Natasha was talking, his chin resting in his hand as he concentrated. Katie shot Steve another angry glare and he sighed, looking back at Natasha as she spoke.

“World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working, are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did-” Natasha paused as she swallowed, “he did exactly what he said he was going to do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent of all living creatures.”

“Where is he now?” Tony asked looking right at Steve as he lifted his head from his hand.

Steve sighed before he spoke. “We don’t know.” He opened his hand, allowing it to dall to his side. “He just- opened a portal and walked through.” He leaned back against the back of an arm chair, his arms folded across his chest.

Tony sighed and looked around the room, frowning as he glanced over to where Thor was sat on a bench outside, deep in thought as his hands wringed together. Katie knew the sight of Tony looking so ill last night when he had seen him,  had knocked the god further back into his dark mood, the one she’d tried, and so far failed, to coax him out of.

Tony gestured to the God “What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s pissed. He thinks he’s failed.” Rocket sighed from his spot sitting on the floor against a wall. “Which, of course, he did, but you know, there’s a lot of that going around, ain’t there?”

Tony leaned forward in his chair, mouth agape at the talking raccoon, “Honestly until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-a-Bear.

Katie grinned, the familiar Tony Stark sass coming back out to play was music to her ears.

“Maybe I am.” Rocket answered, and Steve steered the conversation back.

“We’ve been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep space scans, and satellites, and we got nothin’.” He took a deep breath, almost afraid to ask the next question. “Tony, you fought him-”

Tony furrowed his brow, cutting Steve off, “Who told you that? I didn’t fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street magician gave away the stone. That’s what happened. There was no fight. Because he’s unbeatable.”

“Okay,” Steve softly cut in. “Did he give you any clues? Any coordinates, anything?”

Tony blew air out loudly through his lips as he gave a sarcastic salute to Steve.  Steve narrowed his eyes and accross from him Katie let out a silent groan, and glanced at Natasha who gave a loud sigh.

“You know, I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision, you remember that Kiddo?” Tony looked at Katie as she took a deep breath. “But, I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I was dreaming.”

"Tony, I’m going to need you to focus-” Steve started as he stood, taking a step closer to Tony.

”And I needed you. As in past tense.” Tony tilted his head and looked up at Steve, dropping his hand from where it had been rubbing against his lip. “That trumps what you need. It’s too late buddy, sorry.”

Tony’s words echoed round Steve’s head and it felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Tony was right, he’d let them down, he’d let them all down. He tried his best to keep his face from falling as he breathed deeply and he saw Katie watching him intently, her face expressionless.

“Ok, that’s enough.” She started, moving towards Tony but he shook his head, and waved her away. 

"You know what I need?” He asked, his voice rising in volume and Steve’s attention turned to him as he stood, throwing his hand down and sending the remnants of his bowl of porridge flying across the table. “I need a shave. And I believe I even remember telling all of yous, alive or otherwise-” he began to rip his IV out of his arm as Katie stepped forward at the same time Rhodey did.

“Tony, Tony, Tony, stop!”  Rhodey said gently, as Tony ignored him and continued.

“-that what we needed was a suit of armour around the world.” He snapped voice raising as his breathing increased without the IV bag feeding him nutrient any longer. “Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not, that’s what we needed.”

Precious freedoms…Steve’s face fell further as he took in Tony’s word, his brother-in-law still blamed him. He took a deep breath and looked at him. “Well that didn’t work out, did it?” he finally said, his voice full of sadness, tone soft.

But Tony was just getting started, and he paid Steve’s remorse no attention as he continued. “I said we’d lose. You said, ‘We’ll do that together too.’” He mocked in a deep voice. “Well, guess what Cap? We lost, and you weren’t there. But that’s what we do, right?” Tony looked around. “Our best work after the fact? We’re the A-vengers? We’re the A-vengers, not the Pre-vengers?” he questioned rhetorically to Katie as she moved to stand in front of him, placing herself in between her brother and her husband.

“Okay, you made your point Tone, just sit down.” Her hand gently pressed to the middle of his chest.

“She’s right.” Rhodey looked at him, taking hold of his shoulder.

Tony ignored both of them completely, instead he turned to Carol and pointed at her. “She is fantastic by the way. We need you, you’re new blood. We’re a bunch of tired old mills.” he gestured around,  shrugging off Rhodey’s grasp, and gently pushing Katie to one side as he stepped right up to Steve pointing a finger in his face. Steve swallowed and looked down at Tony as Katie hesitated behind him, ready to intervene if Tony did anything stupid.

“I got nothing for you Cap. I’ve got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada. No trust, liar.” His whispered the last word.

Another punch to the gut. Steve took a deep breath, his chest falling. It was true, he had no defence or response.

“Tony, that’s not fair.” Katie began, glancing at Steve who looked like he had just been slapped. As she did, Tony reached up and ripped the arc reactor off his chest and shoved it into Steve’s hand. Steve looked down at it in utter incredulity.

“Here, take this. You find him, and you put that on.” Tony then turned to Katie. “And you, seeing as you follow him everywhere, you hide.”  

Before the last word was fully out, Tony stumbled, tilting forward and Katie caught him, dropping to her knees keeping his weight supported as best she could, as Steve and Rhodey also crouched down.

“I’m fine. I…” Tony’s protest was cut off as he collapsed, out could.

“Get him into the medic bay.” Bruce instructed immediately, as Steve effortlessly picked him up and followed Bruce out of the room, Rhodey close behind. Katie hurried after them, with Pepper, as Steve gently lay him down on the bed before he stepped from the room as Bruce began hooking him back up to the drips.

“I told you!” Katie followed him out, blazing with anger. “I told you he wasn’t up to this. When are you going to realise you don’t always know better?”

“I’m sorry.” Steve gulped and looked down at his hands, before he took a deep breath, his chest shaking. “And for the record, I realised that a long time ago.”

He looked utterly dejected, and Katie felt the anger in her system ebbing away, and she let out a sigh.

“Steve, I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“Don’t.” Steve shook his head, his eyes dropping to the floor. “Don’t say you didn’t mean it, because you did. Just like Tony meant what he said before.”

“He was lashing out.” Katie gently lay her hand on Steve’s arm. “He feels guilty. And probably hasn’t had the chance to process and think about it like we have.”

“Thing is you’re right, and he’s right. I am a liar.” Steve sighed and shook his head, raising his eyebrows as he continued to look at his feet. “I did say we would fight together, and when it came to it, we didn’t, because I couldn’t swallow my damned pride over the Accords.” “Hey.” Katie’s voice dropped as she reached up to turn his face to look at her. “Those accords, that entire situation was complicated, Steve. It was never as simple as just swallowing your pride.” “Yeah it was.” He shrugged, shooting another sad glance in Tony’s direction as Rhodey came out of the room, leaving Bruce to bustle about and check the IVs.

“Bruce gave him a sedative. He’s probably going to be out for the rest of the day.” Rhodey informed them. Steve nodded but his attention flew to Carol when she spoke.

“You guys take care of him, and I’ll bring him a Zorien Elixer when I come back.” She stated before walking away.

“Where are you going?” Natasha questioned, her tone laced with confusion.

“To kill Thanos.” Carol said simply as she kept walking away. Steve and Katie turned to each other, then looked at Natasha before they all followed her down the few steps back towards the conference room.

Natasha reached her first, “Hey, you know we usually work as a team here, and between you and I, morals a little fragile.”

“We realize up there is more your territory, but this is our fight too,” Steve added, as Rhodey chipped in.

“Do you even know where he is?”

“I know people who might.” Carol replied

“Don’t bother.” A different voice came from the doorframe behind Carol, and they all whipped around to face Nebula. “I can tell you where Thanos is.”

Katie exchanged a glance with Nat, then Steve, and they followed the blue woman to the common room where Rocket was waiting. Rhodey arrived shortly after with Bruce, who looked around questioningly.

“Nebula had an idea and we ran some scans.” Rocket hopped up onto the table as Nebula began talk, bending over the keyboard at the holograph.

“Thanos spent a lot of time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled I wanted to please him. I’d ask ‘where would we go once he’s plan is complete?’ his answer was always the same, 'To the Garden.”

She finished typing in some coordinates.

“That’s cute.” Rhodey scoffed. “Thanos has a retirement plan.”

“So where is he?” Steve asked, not hiding the edge in his voice.

“When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power source of ridiculously cosmic proportions, no one’s ever seen anything like it.” Rocket explained pulling up a hologram of Earth, then a simulation of the power source he was talking about swept over the simulation before the hologram morphed into another planet, “Until two days ago, on this planet.”

“Thanos is there.” Nebula said, matter of factly.

“He used the stones again.” Katie breathed, her mouth going dry as she leaning forward to get a closer look.

“Hey, hey, hey, we’d be going in shorthanded, you know?” Bruce stuttered.

Rhodey joined in. “He’s still got the stones, so-”

“So let’s go get him. And use them to get everyone back.” Carol shrugged, as she looked around.

“Just like that?” Bruce questioned.

“Yeah. Just like that.” Steve replied nodding as did Carol. He was done waiting now, it was time to act. This was the best chance they were going to have.

Katie looked at the holograph before looking up to Natasha.

“I mean, even if there’s a small chance that we can undo this, we owe it to everyone who’s not in this room to try.” Nat argued, her voice almost breaking at the words.

“If we do this, how do we know it’s going to end any differently than it did before?” Katie asked, looking around.

“Because before you didn’t have me” Carol stated simply, her hands on her hips.

Steve almost smiled at the look on Katie’s face, her eyebrows disappearing into her hair they’d shot up so fast. But it wasn’t his wife who replied, it was Rhodey.

“Hey new girl, everybody in this room is about that superhero life. And if you don’t mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?” His tone was clipped.

“There are a lot of other planets in the universe,” Carol shot back before she sighed, her tone softening, “Unfortunately they didn’t have you guys.”

Katie glanced at Nat, then Steve who raised his eyebrows in a “fair enough” gesture a small smile flickered across his face. But, before anyone had time to comment, there was the sound of a chair scraping against the floor as Thor stood from the table he’d been eating at and stomped toward Carol, making Katie jump as she’d completely forgotten he was there.

He came to a stop in front of the woman, staring at her for a beat before lifting his hand. His axe flew past her, mere inches from her head, whipping her hair around her face.  Not even a flinch. Instead she looked up at Thor appraisingly, her mouth twisting into a small smile.

Thor pondered for a moment, both hands resting on the top of his axe. Eventually he nodded and turned to Katie. “I like this one, Little Stark.”

Katie gave a huff of a laugh before she looked at Steve.He was staring at the alien planet on the hologram before him, jaw twitching. This was it, their chance to bring everyone back. They had to go for it, they had to. The instruction the team was waiting for came in the form of a low growl, the steely Captain America determination emanating from every word Steve spoke as he glanced up.

“Let’s go get this son of a bitch.”

*****

“Alright, now, who here hasn’t been to space?” Rocket asked.

Katie raised her hand and in front of her Natasha did the same as did Steve and Rhodey. Thor looked round, grinning.

“You better not throw up on my ship.” Rocket warned, turning back to the front.

“Approaching the jump in three-“ Nebula said loudly.

Katie clamped her right hand into the side of her seat, reaching her left across the space between them to grab Steve’s hand.

"Two.”

He laced his fingers into hers as he turned his head to look at her, giving her a soft smile.

“One.”

The pure force of the ship’s speed pushed Steve back against his seat as they shot through space, and his eyes widened. It was stunning, the stars and galaxies whirred past in a flash of purples, pinks, silvers and then the ship slowed to a stop.

Rocket opened the hatch and Carol headed out, turning back to the ship as she floated in front in the air outside.

“I’ll head down for recon.” Her voice came over the speakers and she turned and flew away.

Katie unbuckled her seatbelt and stood, stretching her legs before she turned and headed towards where Thor was sat, eyes focussed on a spot on the chair in front of him.

“You okay?” She asked, sitting down next to him. He turned his head to face her and took a deep breath.

“I’m going to kill him.” He said simply before he looked towards the front of the ship. Katie glanced up at Steve who was watching her, turning his compass over in his hand. He gave a small smile before turning to Natasha as she looked up from the tablet she was poking around on and spoke to him as he glanced down and opened it, looking at the photo of him and Katie inside. That day seemed like an age ago, happy, carefree their faces looked back at him, cross eyed and grinning into the camera.

“This is gonna work Steve.” Nat said, confidently.

“I know it is.” Steve replied simply, snapping his compass shut as he looked up at his friend, before he glanced back at Katie who had her head led on Thor’s shoulder. This was their last chance, the hope they’d been clinging onto, not only to bring everyone else back but the precious thing that had been taken from them. And if it didn’t work…well he didn’t even want to think about that. “Because I don’t know what we’re gonna do if it doesn’t.” He finished eventually.

Natasha gave him a small squeeze before they both glanced up as a bright light filled the ship. Carol had returned.

“No satellites. No ships. No armies.” She spoke incredulously as she hovered outside. “No ground defences of any kind. It’s just him.”

Nebula spoke as she stared straight ahead at the planet “And that’s enough.”

Rocket piloted the ship, following Carol, and landed at the bottom of a hill, a small hut perched on top of it. Steve stood up, turning to everyone and he noticed Thor’s eyes were flashing with lightning as he grit his teeth together.

“Think he’s in there?” Katie asked, squinting up at the hut. Nebula nodded.

“Alright team, just as we planned.” Steve instructed. Katie took a deep breath and walked down the ramp, glancing around. It looked just like a farm. Rhodey, even though the comment had been sarcastic, had hit the nail on the head. He’d killed countless people and then fucking retired to a farm.

“Are you ready?” Rocket asked.

Katie nodded and twisted her bracelet, the nano-tech of her replacement suit flowing over her. She leaned her arm down to allow the raccoon to climb up onto her shoulder and at the same time she saw Thor’s hand gripped round the handle of his axe, as Bruce picked up Natasha in the Hulk buster.

One by one those who could fly, crashed into the hut, surrounding Thanos on all four sides, taking him completely by surprise. Carol gripped him in a choke hold, and before he could so much as retaliate, Thor took a swipe at his hand, cutting it clean off taking the Infinity Gauntlet with it, as Thanos let out a scream of pain.

Katie stood in front of Thanos, her repulsors raised as she heard Steve and Natasha head up the steps into the hut. She turned to watch as Rocket jumped off her shoulder, kneeled and rolled over the severed gloved hand, where he recoiling instantly, clanking up.

Katie felt her stomach clench. The stones were gone.

“Where are they?” Steve bit, drawing level with Katie as he stared at Thanos.

Thanos’ breathing was laboured, almost as if he was struggling to draw oxygen, and Carol tightened her grip around his neck.

“Answer the question.” She growled.

Thanos shifted uncomfortably. “The universe required correction.” he grit out between deep breaths “After that, the stones served no purpose beyond temptation.”

“You murdered trillions!” Bruce yelled as he kicked Thanos against the wall of his shack.

“You should be grateful.”

Bruce punched Thanos again, and Katie moved forward to look down at him, and when she spoke her voice was shaky.

“Where are the stones?” She demanded, retracting her helmet.

“The stones are gone. Reduced to atoms.”

"You used them two days ago?” Katie bit back, not wanting to believe what he was saying, desperate for him to be lying.

“I used the stones to destroy the stones.” Thanos looked down at his arm which was horrifically burnt right up to his neck. “It nearly killed me. But the work is done, it always will be.”

She glanced at Steve, whose face had slipped ever so slightly. The Captain took a deep breath, his eyes locking onto hers which were now filling with tears as the magnitude of the situation sunk in. The stones were gone, and without him, there was nothing they could do.

“I am inevitable.” Thanos breathed out, and at his words a dark hopelessness flooded Steve’s system as Rhodey began to desperately stutter.

“We’ve got to tear this place apart! He…he..has to be lying,”

But as Steve turned to look Thanos, he could tell instantly he wasn’t.

“My father is many things.” Nebula said softly, stepping forward as she looked down sadly. “A liar is not one of them.”

“Ah, thank you, daughter.” Thanos looked at her and praised, “Perhaps I treated you too harshly.”

At that point, Thor gave a growl and swung his axe aggressively and with a single swipe, he took off the Titan’s head, and Steve could do nothing but look down at the headless body, his chest heaving.

“What?” Rocket gasped, “What did you do?”

Thor was silent before he looked round the room and his eyes locked with Katie’s “I went for the head.” He answered simply before he turned and left.

“Thor?” Katie called out shakily stumbling after her friend. “Thor? Where are you going?”

“It is over. There is nothing more we can do.” His voice cracked as he turned to face her, placing his hand on her shoulder as he looked her square in the face. “I bid you farewell Little Stark.” With that he dropped a soft kiss onto her cheek and stared straight into her face, his eyes full of tears. “You have a big heart, full with fire. Never let that fire go out.”

And with that he held his axe high above his head. The Bi-Frost engulfed him and in seconds he was gone.

Katie’s legs gave way and she collapsed to the floor, numb. Thor was right, it was over. And there was nothing they could do about it. She jumped slightly as a hand dropped to her shoulder and she spun to see Steve, his eyes shining with his own tears, face giving away the devastation he felt inside as he knelt besides her, pulling her to him.

This was it, the absolute end of any hope they had.

****

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

The pummelling noise his fists were making on the punching bags was like a mantra in Steve’s mind. With every blow he was landing, a different person and how he had failed them flashed in front of his eyes.

Katie, their baby, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Tony…

This had always been his standard way of coping. When the pressures of his new life got to be too much, and he couldn’t sleep or cope, he would take out his anger on a punch bag or by running, but as the years had gone he had started to do it less and less, until he had pretty much stopped altogether.

In fact, he hadn’t done this really in any real anger, since Katie had gone missing, but then he hadn’t felt as angry and as useless as he did right now since then.

He pulled back his right fist and gave a particularly violent punch, scattering sand from the bag all over the floor. That one had hurt. He stopped, glanced down at his fist and grimaced. His knuckles were split wide open.  

“Steve?”

He heard Katie’s voice and he took a deep breath, grabbing the bag in front of him with his hand as he pressed his forehead against it, the bag gently spilling its contents onto the floor.  

“Stevie?” She repeated, stepping close and saw that her Soldier was trembling from head to toe, his T-shirt soaked with sweat as it clung to his body, his hair plastered to his forehead.  For a moment he didn’t speak, until he took a deep breath, and Katie almost didn’t hear him his response was that quiet.

“It’s my fault.”

Katie took a deep breath, blinking back her tears. Steve had been stoic since they had returned to the compound almost four weeks ago. But now, here he was stood before her, completely undone, his every part of his soul was dripping with guilt.

“We failed, remember?” Her voice shook at little as she took a step towards him, reaching out for his arm, but he jerked away, glancing at his hands which were trembling, blood dropping from his split knuckles to the floor.

He continued to look down, avoiding her gaze and gave a derisive snort. “Appropriate huh, blood on my hands. What kind of father would I have ever made?”

Before Katie could stop herself she’d slapped him across the face, hard enough to whip his head around to the side. His eyes widened slightly, the shock of the blow worse than the actual slap itself, but still he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. 

"Don’t.” She managed to say, stumbling over her words as her voice cracked. “Steven Grant Rogers, don’t you fucking dare!”

Steve shuddered as her words bounced off the walls of the gym and he finally looked at his wife. Katie’s anger drained away instantly and she reached up, cupping his face and smoothing the cheek she had slapped.

“Steve,” she looked straight into his eyes, “Tony always told me as a kid that as long as you can tell yourself honestly you did the best you could, then there is nothing else left for you to do. And we did the best we could.” She took a huge shuddering breath. “Yes, it wasn’t good enough but that is not on you, okay?” Her hands tightened their hold on his face as her own tears fell in time with his. “You’ve led us through thick and thin, been there, taken countless hits for us. The Avenger’s couldn’t have asked for a better Captain and I…” her voice cracked again as Steve stepped into her embrace and she whispered her last sentence into his ear, “I couldn’t wish for a better husband to be by my side.”

Steve buried his face in his wife’s hair, breathing in her familiar smell as the damn broke inside him and he simply cried until he had no more tears left to shed, Katie doing the same as she pressed her faced into his chest, her hands tightly fisting in his damp shirt.

“I don’t deserve you.” He croaked eventually. And he didn’t. She was so brave, strong and pure hearted. What had he ever done to be worthy of that?

“Yes, you do.” She sniffed, looking up at him. “You’re a good man Steve, and you’re my man. I love you more and more with each day that goes by.”

She slid her hands up to his cheeks again and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply, relishing her touch, allowing it to calm him the way it always did. Eventually, her hands moved down to take his, and she pressed a soft kiss to the ring on his left hand.

“Til the end of the line.” She whispered, before she leaned up and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close once more, her hands gently brushing through his hair as she soothed him softly, her lips brushing his cheek.

They stood there for a little while, neither speaking, Steve simply seeking out the comfort she was offering before she stepped back into his eye-line and reached up once more, brushing the tears off his cheek.

“Come on, Soldier.” She leaned up to press a soft kiss to his lips. “You need to rest.”

Steve didn’t argue, he was exhausted. Her fingers of her right hand tangled with his left, gently so as to not aggravate his bruised and battered hands, and he allowed her to lead him from the room.

**** Chapter 41 Part 1

**Original Posting**