#...I really need to get rid of some old dolls just because I have so much

[laxchra]

...I’ve been having MH & EAH brain rot with all the MH news going on, I miss my ghouls

...yes apparently MH brings me back to this blog from my SW brain rot-which is still strong...I’ve also hella been playing dreamlight so there’s that

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

[sunnysam-my]

Hazbin Hotel redesign ideas p. 1

Unfortunately I don't really have time to draw rn, but here are some ideas if anyone is looking for inspiration.

THE VEES:

They follow lates trends so they won't stick to the outfits and technologies from the times they died. We even see that Vox changed his screen (head) to more modern, flat TV screen.

Valentino:

He is a moth that realises poison that's basically a date-rape drug. His wings are hidden, looking like a coat, which makes no sense, a cloak, cape or sleeveless coat would look better. He is a pimp who died in 1970s. Val was Hispanic when living. Apparently, he has bad eyesight.

He is supposed to be a moth, but I don't really see it much, and the furr around his neck, that's a part of his body, just looks ridiculous. I would design him after some actual poisonous moth.

Cinnabar moth - The cinnabar is slate-black with two red spots and two pinky-red stripes on the rounded forewings. Its hindwings are pinky-red and bordered with black. The caterpillars feed on poisonous ragwort leaves. The poison from the leaves is stored in the caterpillar's body and remains even when they are an adult. As adult they leak the poison when they need to. Cinnabar moths can be seen flying during the day and night.

Six-spot burnet moth - day-flying moth that flies with a slow, fluttering pattern. It has glossy black, with six red spots on each narrow, but long forewing. They release hydrogen cyanide when attacked.

Personally I would go with Cinnabar moth, but make the spots heart shaped, and leave his inner outfit without the accessories (the suit with the white pants and golden heart belt). I would also leave his general body type but definitely change the neck furr ring, because wtf is that? I would play around with his glasses since he is supposed to have eyesight problems.

[Edit: Actually, I would make him a combo of both moths and make the furr ring his hair, because he is bald without the hat!?!?]

Velvette:

Velv is a fashion designer and critic, she is also an influencer. She keeps the Vees together and their image fresh on the internet. She's a British black woman in her early 30's. Originally her appearance was supposed to be doll-like, but that was changed to 'it-girl' and a 'bad bitch' with a darker aesthetic.

Velvette's outfit is reminiscent of Val's (heart belt, coat with hearts, black stripes on arms) but darker, especially her sleeveless coat that imitates his wings. Since Valentino is already going to be darker (in my idea) and she is a fashion influencer it would make more sense for her to be brighter.

Main thing I would change about her is her skin tone, hair, and Harley Quinn themes left from her old design.

When creating very human like characters it's important to actually get the racial characteristics right. Her ashy skin and "curly" hair just makes it look like they didn't know how to draw a black character. I would give her a different texture, something between 3A and 4B. A hairstyle like heart shaped space buns would be so cool, but even if not, her styl in a poster in the background is already better than the ponytails.

When it comes to her style I would get rid of pom-poms shoes and fingerless gloves. Her outfit for meeting the overlord was pretty okay, but I would change her other outfit. My inspiration would be PidginDoll's design, because he makes fabulous outfits and makeup looks for all bodies, genders and races, but I'll keep the 'goth' (it's not goth, it's just a little bit alt, mostly skulls) theme.

Blue accents like makeup would work great with her brown skin and would reference Vox.

Vox:

I genuinely think he has the best design in the entirety of the show, I would barely change anything. His outfit is similar to Alastor who he is trying to imitate, but he wears a tail suit, which is way more formal and elegant than any other suit, trying to showing he is a better, modern version of Alastor. I've seen some people got rid of his hat and gave him a tail made out a cord for fun, but other than that his design is good. Not too much details and not too little, tells us a lot about the character.

Maybe less stripes, because apparently Viv loves zebras or something. /hj

[chainoftalent]

i am starving for kiyo content ‼️‼️ can i ask for the whole yan profile for my boy korekiyo???,,,

This is fine, this ask isn't old, I'm good at this I swear

Korekiyo Yandere Profile

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Korekiyo is very aware, but they also know the long history of tropes like this, and as such can justify it through that history, he finds the whole thing beautiful, the struggle, the history, the feeling of his hands on you. Beautiful.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Pretty likely, but they do like the chase a lot, they want their beloved to come to them, to make a deal with the devil, they have no hurry when the chase is just so fun.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

Very difficult, Korekiyo does love shibari after all. It's a rare moment you aren't tied up in some way, with his hand around the end of the rope like a much more embarrassing leash. If you do try, Korekiyo would still find it beautiful, and such beauty should be rewarded, really, what did you expect? this is just how it is darling.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Very hard, he's very certain of what he's doing and wicked smart. He knows all the tropes, the tricks, you'd have to be very good at reading him to even have a chance.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He's decently lenient, you can't leave obviously, and you won't be untied, but you'll have books and stories and plenty of things to take up your time and chase away boredom. Though don't expect to be able to do much yourself, Korekiyo is the one who dresses you, who does up your makeup or hair, who makes you look like a doll, kneeling all prettily and delicate. You look divine, but he is no true worshipper.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Mostly the basic rules, no escape, don't disobey, don't make a mess, don't scream unless he wants you too. As long as you're not throwing fits though, he's mostly content to let you do what you want. Though if you do try and make a mess or let alone BREAK something expect a firm grip on your arm and chin as he reminds you just how much you depend on his kindness.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Rivals won't be killed, that's not the kind of person he'd send to sister! Terrified, tortured, or framed on the other hand? He has no true limit beyond not killing them for other unrelated reasons.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

Their anger is slow, unless you hit specific buttons, like breaking things or getting in the way of his anthropology. At which point he will get physical, expect to be put in stress poses until you beg him to be allowed to relax and apologize. At least he'll rub creams on your rope burns and the like afterwards.

Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Beneath him, you're another of his treasures, he doesn't see beneath him as like an inherently negative thing though, that just means he's the one with the final say, it means nothing to your actual character.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

They do not need you to love him, perhaps they don't even fully want it. Love is fickle strange thing for Korekiyo, I don't think even they know if they actually want you to love you, or if one of the reasons he's so drawn is because like this you can never really love him.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

He's calmer, much calmer. Silent snake in the grass.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Its KOREKIYO do I even need to say anything? Touchiest fucker who needs to have you bound up in red rope 24/7

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

They're pretty forceful, but they also care about your pleasure, but even your despair and terror is beautiful.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

They are a sadomasochistic shibari enthusiast with a love of all of humanity. He's going to at least try nearly every single kink on you just to see what happens.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

I feel like Korekiyo would want at least one kid, he's such a family person so they definitely would be on board for a few kids, but probably later on, it's too soon now.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Lots of rope, stress positions, flogging, a whip, and they'll make you moan in between each pained scream until the pain and pleasure blend into a mind melting beautiful slurry.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

I feel like Korekiyo is a hand person, something about him just screams hand fetish. He's gonna do your nails so fancily!

[herofics]

Old habits die hard

I actually have another Gojo WIP I need to finish, but I’ve written myself into a corner with that one if that makes sense, so I just sort of decided to abandon that for now. This is basically me rambling about my current issues with selfharm urges, so if that triggers you, don’t read

The urge was pretty much always there, every day. Even though you had been clean for a long time now, the urge was still there. Every time something went wrong, the first solution your brain offered you was: “Hurt yourself”. Every fucking time.

You hadn’t done it, you didn’t want to, but the urge never seemed to really go away. It wasn’t like it was an active thing, but every time you encountered disappointment or hardships, which seemed to be all the time nowadays, there was a momentary thought of how harming yourself would resolve all your problems. You knew it wouldn’t but your brain kept falling into old patterns.

Fighting the constant urge was exhausting, it took so much energy everyday and you were getting tired of resisting. Sometimes you started to wonder if it was even worth it, but then, everytime he came home safe, every time you saw him light up when he saw you, it felt a bit easier to keep going. Your Satoru, your light in the darkness.

You were having a particularly bad evening, waiting for Gojo to get home while making dinner. The knife you were cutting vegetables with flashed in the light of the evening sun, and you had to stop to stare at it. It wasn’t particularly sharp, you hadn’t sharpened it in some time for exactly this reason. You didn’t want to make it easier for yourself to give in.

You weren’t sure how long you had stood by the counter when you heard the front door open. You were lucky you hadn’t put anything on the stove yet, since it would have surely burned while you stood there in a daze.

“I’m home!” Gojo greeted you excitedly as he closed the front door.

“Hey” you greeted as you heard his footsteps coming closer behind you.

Gojo placed his hands on your waist and leaned down to whisper in your ear: “And how is my beautiful partner doing today?”

“Honestly?” you sighed, turning to face him.

“Yeah of course” you could hear the worry in his voice already.

You looked up at him, noticing he was basically scanning you with his eyes. Looking for signs of what could be weighing on your mind. Gojo lifted you up so you were sitting on the counter with him in front of you.

Gojo had had a feeling something was going on for a while now, but he hadn’t been able to put it together. 

You didn’t blame him for not knowing what was going on with you. He was a busy man, constantly going on missions and having to be away from you and your home, and being a teacher too. You knew he cared, but how could he know what was wrong with you when you were hiding it from him?

“What’s wrong doll?” Gojo asked, looking at you intently.

“I’m not having a good day to be honest. It’s just… I really want to hurt myself again, and I’m having a hard time resisting that urge” you sighed, not being able to look him in the eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay” Gojo said gently, lifting your chin so you would look at him. “Talk to me about it, please?”

“Every time something goes wrong or I feel upset, my first thought is to hurt myself. I don’t know how to get rid of that thought pattern and it fucking sucks. The only thing that helps even a little bit is distracting myself by doing something else” you chuckled wryly.

“How can I help?”

“Just… I wish you were here more, so I could talk to you. I get that you’re busy, and I don’t mean that you should neglect your other duties because of me, or that this is in any way your fault, but I do miss you… a lot” you explained.

“Oh doll, I wish you’d told me sooner” Gojo shook his head with a sad smile, before pressing a kiss on your forehead. “But I’m glad you told me now”

“Yeah, me too”

“I can’t really promise I’m gonna be able to be around more, but I’ll try to make more time for us. I miss you too. I’m also gonna start calling you like five times a day to make sure you’re doing okay” Gojo smirked.

“And I’m gonna start to not pick up half your calls” you stuck your tongue out at him jokingly.

“Hey, that’s mean” Gojo frowned.

“Aaaw, I’m just teasing you, you big baby” you giggled and booped his nose with your finger. “But seriously, I appreciate it. Just promise me you won’t freak out if I don’t answer the first time. I might be at the school or on a mission, and I’m not able to answer my phone in the middle of a fight unlike you”

“Good point, good point. I’m gonna keep calling you until you pick up though, but not like spam calling. I wouldn’t do that…”

“Oh yeah, of course you wouldn’t” you rolled your eyes and draped your arms over his shoulders, looking into his crystal blue eyes.

Gojo moved as close to you as he possibly could while you sat on the counter. He leaned his forehead against yours and both of you closed your eyes, your arms still draped over his shoulders. You were just relaxing against one another finding comfort in each other’s arms.

“Hey Satoru?” you asked.

“Hhhmm?” he mumbled.

“Thank you for loving me, even when I’m a pain in the ass” you opened your eyes and leaned back a little.

“Of course, but could you promise me not to hide yourself when you're in pain? It's unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone. We’re supposed to share our hardships, remember?” he answered, placing his hand on your cheek.

You leaned your head against his hand and looked at him adoringly, making Gojo’s heart flutter. He worried for you every day, he couldn’t help it, he loved you after all.

You placed your hand over his and kissed his palm before nodding in agreement. He always took such good care of you.

[helloiamadrawer]

Kinger Tweaking Headcanons (PART 2)

Warnings: some angst, slight addiction, kinger almost having a breakdown/slight abstraction, attempted suicide

A/n: this is very long so strap in!

Ever since he took that first hit of the joint Kinger saw colors that he has never saw before and within seconds his worries washed away, he was in heaven. every night he would head to his pillow fort and smoke a little of it of what became more in time and then sleep....well, sort of since you don't really need to sleep in the digital world ofc. He was never startled by the other characters or NPCs he was so unexpectedly chill..

Sometimes so chill, a certain jester or doll felt that something was off with him but that didn't matter to him right?

Caine ofc paid no attention to this as being an AI would mean not being able to experience suspicion

So this is how Zooble feels every day, this feels great

But for some reason it would always wear off in the day and then his paranoia comes back and he's back to his same old self. So what does he do now? Caine is most active in the day so he would have to go somewhere that Caine doesn't venture to a lot just for one minute to smuggle some good stuff, then get back out there and get through the "fun" adventures. Suddenly he remembers hes been here in this digital hell the longest so there must be a shortcut.

And it was no other than The Void, he contemplates that he's seen a door on the floor that leads instantly to the blank space in the circus but where?

The feeling of being high was leaving him and for some reason, it started eating at him like he needed more. He needs to find that door and fast without raising any suspicion so who knows doors any more than Jax. He didn't care if he was going to act like his sassy little self today he needs to know now

He gets info from Jax and he hands him the key to the floor door. Then at night he searches for the location which was literally UNDER HIS PILLOWFORT all this time it was blended in with the checkerboard tile and he didn't even notice it at all!

Few days later smoking the "Mary Jane", the chess piece has been acting more...strange lately, whenever someone asks him anything he'll either jump as if he hiding something or acts aggressive and that is very out of character for Kinger one day he actually snapped at Pomni and he felt a slight twitch of something dark in his eye and so he runs over to the nearest mirror, his eyes were bloodshot and within his pupil it was black and glitchy.

No, no it can't be, he thought drugs did nothing that would cause abstraction and he liked doing it, he would do anything to feel "new" again. The drug has fogged his mind with nothing but wanting to feel the colors and the relaxing sensation but then again it makes him violent and now he's inflicted it on a friend.

He had no choice but to rid himself, no way he was going to tell Caine what he did because he just wanted to be calm for once. On one windy stormy day, he climbed the top of the tent and thought of how much he'll actually miss the circus and everyone ,his body shivers as tears pricked his eyes as he squeezes them shut and puts a gun to his head from his robe pocket.

"Goodbye, everyone.."

"KINGER WAIT!" yelled Ragatha followed Pomni along with Zooble who was probably the most concerned cause she was the one almost at the point of stupendous concern like her grumpy demeanor disappeared. "What are you doing?! This isn't you!" Pomni cried out in a panicked tone as she was witnessing one of her comrades going over the edge emotionally.

Ragatha ran to him panicked, tears streaming down her face that were only blended with the rain as she stopped and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as her voice trembled in fear and sadness, "Kinger..please..tell me what's going on..I promise we won't tell Caine any of this just..what has got you to be like this?"

The doll convinces him to come back inside the tent and let him vent to the crew about how he turned to a certain substance to keep his mind relaxed while Gangle made tea (she makes matcha green tea, yes it's canon now.) A while later, Jax joins the rest of the cast and slyly takes the gun out of Kinger's pocket and goes, "Oh, so that's where my gag gun went. Thanks for keeping it for me Kinger.''. He pulls the trigger and out popped a flag that said 'BANG!'.

After the group departs, Zooble and Kinger are the only ones left. Silence gathered around them until Zooble apologized to him

"uh, hey, I don't know if you will ever forgive me for this but i should have found something that was not a factor of causing symptoms of abstraction...i'm really sorry KInger, I didn't mean to-"

"it's okay."

''What? Really?" Zooble asked surprised.

"Well, it's not the first time I had drugs ever since i crashed down here, I understand now that I don't need a high to keep my cool, I have you guys." Kinger reassured and pulled Zooble in for a hug. how could he forgive me for such an unforgivable act? I guess Kinger has ways of letting things go, I should be grateful i could have been shoved into the cellar.

Pomni and Ragatha tell Caine that Kinger accidentally got shoved into the Void during one of his adventures and how his eye started glitching when they found him, so Caine fixed him up right away.

"Y'know uh, Kinger, if you ever feel paranoid or scared, you can always talk to me, i'm not really doing anythi-we're not doing anything." she chuckles nervously as she gestures to Ragatha and Gangle. The chess piece puts one of his floating hands on her shoulder, his eyes sparkled as if he was grinning at his caring group of friends.

"Pomni..thank you.."

[0hbunny]

🫧Washing Plush Dolls🫧

NOTE:

I am VERY new to collecting these kinds of dolls. The doll shown above is literally the only one I have (as of right now…). That said please take everything I say with a grain of salt! This blog post is more of a log of my experience with washing my doll for the first time than a tutorial :)

Material List:

wash cloth (2x)

toothbrush (not used duh)

dawn dish soap

micellar water

tide to go stick/non bleach stain remover

blow dryer/fan

Prepping:

Before bath time there are some things I did to prep.

I started by taking off any stains on my doll. In this case mine had one on their embroidered paw on their foot. I used a “TideToGo” stick to get rid of it and it work wonders. I also heard great things about “Grandma’s Secret Spot Remover” too! Though as long as your stain remover doesn’t have bleach in it I THINK it will be fine, though I’m no expert.

After that I removed my doll’s blush. I did this by putting a little bit of micellar water onto a wash cloth and gently rubbing away where the blush was on my doll. When it comes to this please keep in mind a little goes a long way! Though I will say, I did asked some experienced plush doll collectors if I needed to remove the blush before a bath because I was scared of the blush getting moved around and staining the doll or embroidering. They told me it probably didn’t matter but it wouldn’t hurt. Do with that information what you will.

Bath Time:

Now for the actual bath I started by filling up a container with cold water and about 3 drops of dawn dish soap. (Please make sure it’s cold water because warm water makes things bleed!) Once everything was mixed together I took my toothbrush and dipped it into the mixture.

With the soapy mix I started scrubbing away at my doll. I was sure to be gentle over the embroidery in fear of loosening/damaging it if I was to rough with it. I made sure really get into all of the cracks and crevices too.

Once washed with soap I replaced the soapy water with just plain cold water. Then I scrubbed my doll again but this time with just the water. I made sure to dip my brush back into the water very frequently during this process. On my last scrub I brushed everything up in the same direction with my bruh.

Aftermath:

I placed my wet doll on a dry wash cloth and started to pat them dry with it. I was able to get the longer pieces of fabric (like the hair) pretty much dry with just the cloth but I can’t say that about the other parts.

For the other parts I used a mini fan to help the process go a little faster. (⤵️)

A blow dryer on the cold setting should also work for this if you’re impatient like me lolol. Good old fashion air drying should also work fine too but make sure it’s in a well lit room just to be careful of mold! I have also heard of people putting their dolls in pillowcases and throwing them into the drying machine along with a towel to cushion them more on a low setting. I have never tried this though personally so I’m not sure how well that would work and I’m to nervous to find out.

Also not going to lie I did not enjoy the smell of the “TideToGo” stick very much and I couldn’t get the smell to go away with just the soap and water so I did spray my doll with a bit of perfume. I’m not sure how safe/good this is for dolls but personally for me my doll turned out fine and now smells really good!

Conclusion:

This method worked very well for me I think! My doll is all clean and their hair feels so soft just like when I first got them which is very exciting. If anyone has any tips or thinks I should have done anything differently let me know! Also I’m here to answer questions too🫡 This is my first time making a blog post like this so I hope it was helpful and easy to understand!🙂

[gloryride]

WIP WHENEVER

I was tagged by @alphanight-vp @chevvy-yates @just-a-cybercroissant @rosapexa thank youuuuuu !

I have things but not visuals, just ideas and talking.

>> VP

I have anything to show, the last big project was the CP Birthday and took all my energy. I cleaned up my vp idea and i have ... 72 lines XD If you want an idea (sorry it's in french) :

>> WRITING

I'm in mood for writing, but it's chaotic, i have many MANY drafts on my phone and pc with some paragraph, just idea, a dialog, nothing full. But i can show you one of them

So, just another snippet of Virgile/Eve fic, i really need to finish this chapter, but translation takes lot of time (i can't full write in english)

"You never asked me what's my job." He coughed several times under the glare of the other disdainful customers before catching his breath, avoiding her look. This must have made him suspicious in the eyes of the woman in front of him; he always looked like a child caught at fault when confronted with moments like this. Virgile remained silent and Evelyn resumed, resting her elbows on the table, not giving up. "Because you're not interested? Or you know and you don't want to talk about it?" More than red, he was turning crimson. His gaze was on the restaurant's décor, the sleek modern style, the chrome accents to underline the white walls where hideous gaudy pictures were hung to make it look like art … everywhere but on her. Unable to escape, trapped by his chair and his lunch, he finally took a breath, and whispered, "I already know". She didn't seem offended, quite the opposite. "Thanks to NetWatch or…?" He cut her off with a firm gesture, finally turning his gaze towards her. "I would never use my job to get information on someone. We're adults, we can… talk." He sighed, his leg trembling and his hands twisting as if he were telling a shameful secret. "Because I've been to Clouds before and met you there." He thought he'd never have this conversation, Evelyn talked little about her private life and he'd hoped she'd continue to do so without having to justify anything. His heart raced and his hand caressing the back of his neck betrayed his nervousness. For her part, she continued to smile, almost amused, then took on an air of conspiracy as she moved a little further forward. "And you're ashamed of something?" Her steady voice sought information, perhaps she was imagining what they might have done. Virgile had difficulty swallowing before answering, his gaze shifting. "I don't know," he replied. "Is it wrong to take advantage of someone's unconsciousness to get rid of problems?" "By get rid of your problems, do you mean … sex?" Virgile's face froze and he opened his eyes wide. With a sudden movement, he almost spilt his drink. "What? No! No ! " He saw her laugh as he tried to calm down. "I never wanted to… with a doll."

>> MODS

I have ... 5 XL mods waiting to finish XD 2 old mods i port in XL, 2 clothes and 1 thing. I don't like to talk more about it bc they're not finish, not much pics And now i'm done with npv commissions until february, i can mod for myself. So i need to :

update NPVanessa (new tattoos, new clothes, new hair)

update NPV Oscar (new clothes - young version)

redo NPVirgile (with his style i created for him)

redo NPV Isao (i borked him and now he has a wardrobe)

redo NPValentin (new body with Gymfiend, new clothes)

finish NPV Mieko

Would like to finish Enzo's scars on his hands too, and so update his npv too. I also want to finish my custom npcs for Eve for example (maybe release it ? idk) i want to learn to do props, i failed for CP bday, i found a plan B I want to learn to port clothes, i bought some because they were on sale but that's it I want to learn custom poses bc i have ... 3 sets in mind ! ... i will never have time until february XD

tagging (no pressure of course !) : @breezypunk @medtech-mara @cybervesna @nananarc @mhbcaps and anyone who wants !

[dollsonmain]

So I have now removed 100% of my deco stuff from the upstairs and main level of the house (other than things I really don’t care about), and all of my work stuff, minus that I haven’t started on the office, yet, and am dreading it because there is heavy furniture to move and I have to do it by myself. I also need somewhere to put it...

If I could take the plants downstairs and they not all die miserably, I would.

So I’m thinking that maybe I’ll put the little table that I had pulled out of the bathroom down there into the doll display and slide the old toy box under it. That’s what the BJD are on right now is the toy box and a small end table.

There’s another table upstairs that’s smaller and has some drawers that might be more suited to being a packing station. I think I’ll have to partially disassemble that one to get it down there.

As for where the cabinets in the office will go...

I’m not sure, honestly. Maybe I can pull out the other closet door acting as a large table from the wall and tuck them in there. I’m trying NOT to block off all the floor space, though (not that it isn’t all covered in dolls right now anyway)

I moved the little cabinet from the top of the stairs down to where I had the little grey cabinet before I had moved THAT into the gym to put the TV and DVD player on, but it blocks the power outlet that I use for the postal scale, filter-fan combo, and vacuum as needed. Need a power strip, I guess.

I do have too much stuff for that space, and that’s ok. I’ve been getting rid of things already and will just keep going.

Unfortunately I’m all sweaty again and need to go out in public today so I should probably shower AGAIN, but I’m not done going up and down the stairs, yet.

-

What’s really funny/not funny, though, is that even though I’ve removed myself from most of the house at this point, it doesn’t look any different (other than the work stuff) because my things were so well integrated into the decor.

The majority of the visual and physical clutter is old furniture no one touches and things that used to belong to his grandparents.

-

That does mean, though, that me removing myself will have no impact what-so-ever.

[adrianasunderworld]

Considering how popular they can be in the fandom i wonder what Headmistress Rosehearts would do with a child Yuu

Since they got isekaid there at 8-12 yrs old and didn't have any guardians the school staff just kept them with Grim and looked after child Yuu collectively while Yuu and Grim still went through the story chapters just with some changes (because they might be cunning but i don't think Azul would leave a child homeless nor Jamil would force them to do the Scarabia training)

I feel like she'd either try to make them and educate them like Riddle or send them to the orphanage so they'd probably never see the cast again

I mean if she sends them to an orphanage, there isn't really much of a plot. Maybe because Yuu is a ward of the school with various caretakers, the staff collectively has to agree to give them up, or else she legally can't. Idk how that would work, but for the sake of the au let's pretend that's how their guardian ship works. Idk maybe that's what was decided, so if anything happened, Yuu would always have a legal guardian available to take them to avoid them going into the system. So Mrs. Rosehearts can't just get rid of them.

Also I don't think Yuu would live in Ramshackle. I can't logic out a reason for a child to live by themselves in a run down house. So they have their own room in the staff quarters. But they like to play in Ramshackle, despite everyone telling them not to. They sort of claim it as their club house and the ghosts are very fond of them. Anyone who sneaks into Ramshackle will find children's toys and books scattered everywhere and the kitchen pantry with snacks and candy. Everyone knows that's where Yuu runs off to play.

Mrs. Rosehearts decides, if she has to look after this child's needs, she will. But her way. She sees how Yuu is being raised and finds fault in everything. Yuu goes to school in town, using the mirror to teleport down, because seven knows the commute down the mountain will be hell. Mrs. Rosehearts decides the schools available on the isle of sages aren't good enough. The place is small, there are only a couple of schools and none of them are prestigious private schools. So she pulls Yuu out and will have them be homeschooled with the curriculum she had for Riddle. Tweaked only to exclude magic lessons. Next she took every toy of Yuus that she did not approve of. "These dolls clothes are inappropriate. The show these action figures are from promotes violence. These video games are not good for your development. These posters are a distraction as well." Yuu keeps sobbing. Half their stuff is gone and they can't even see their friends. Headmistress was not done yet though. Yuu was not to interact with certain students she deemed a "bad influence". So no Trey. No Ace and Deuce. No Octo trio. Yuu was to study with Riddle so he could set a good example. Vil was one of the ones who were allowed. He was after all an excellent student. (And her bias towards his father.)

But the thing that broke Yuu was when they finally managed to sneak off to Ramshackle. Only to find it boarded up. The doors were locked and all the windows nailed shut. "This place is dangerous." Said a voice behind them. It was Headmistress Rosehearts. "It's old and dirty, and you're likely to be hurt. You are not to play here ever again. Understand?"

Yuu looked down at their shoes and sniffled. Int he smallest voice they replied. "Yes, ma'am."

[pandor-pandorkful]

Ooohhh I could use my phone's camera as a usb webcam, looks like there are several ways of doing that... that would be good for closeup stuff like modding dolls and needle felting...

Doesn't solve the base issue of my-internet-is-crap, though.

...different topic but related, there's a job opening at the library for a front desk assistant that seems not so bad... I imagine it's not completely free from phone interactions, though the job description never mentions using the phone as a required task.

I've done reception before and I've done office assistant before, but those were both extraordinary stressful because they were for Accounting and Payroll, respectively.

Maybe reception-assistanty type work that doesn't come anywhere close to the doling out of currency would involve fewer traumatic phone calls from angry contract workers looking to be paid?

(I also did general library shelving and reception work for work-study in college... that sucked cuz the college library director was a pill. But I hear the current town library director is a really kind, Mr. Rogers type of guy. He got rid of late fines! That's a big one!)

It would be nice to earn enough I could not only get off rental assistance, but also afford to get better internet... and it's only 28 hours a week.

But I'm wigging myself out about the whole job application thing. I gotta update my resume... The library isn't super far away, about half a dozen blocks, but I don't have a car or a driver's license... 28 hrs not bad, but 8am to 5pm is torture to this adhd person... especially the 8am part....... and how do you feed your cats when you're gone all day? And your cats also shouldn't be eating kibble cuz it fucks them up???

Would this burn me out worse? Would it make me better? Will the antivaxxers in town end up killing me? Or are they blessedly illiterate ghouls? (Most of them are old hippies, actually. Well, were old hippies. Most of them are dead hippies now.)

Would I even get the job??? I might be too slow, or just.... unemployable.

I dunno man, I need some freaking income and streaming is gonna take years off my life before it comes close to paying enough to live off of. And I've made 1 sticker sale so far. :B I think I need to try applying for this position, at least....

[the-robot-bracket]

Do you have some other hot takes (mild or Juice ones, you decide?)

I don't have Juice hot takes XD

But I do have some other fandom ones

Ninjago:

I dislike Season 12. It just repeats the plotline of Season 6, basically. Having two Jay focused seasons by getting rid of everyone else one after another makes it seem like Jay can only shine when everyone else is gone, and he is the only one treated that way. Season 6 did him being on his own a whole lot better.

Little Nightmares:

I heavily dislike the idea of looking at Mono being destined to become the Thin Man in a timr loop and also applying that to Six. Six might become something similar TO the Lady, but I heavily dislike retroactively deciding she needs to become the adult she fights against. It seems more like a theory to get more shipping out of the pairing to me, so I really dislike it

Bendy and the Ink Machine/Bendy and the Dark Revival:

I heavily dislike the direction they went with in Dark Revival. As funny as Joey Drew basically writing his revenge porn in which he tortures fictional versions of people he knew is, I hate how they made everyone fictional instead of going with the previously stated fact he used his employees souls. It makes the previous 'who is Boris?' debate pointless because even though Buddy is apparently him, it's a fictional version anyway. And the game tries its hardest for us to believe the word of a liar.

(Also the cycle breakers thing. Isn't interrupting the progress of The End playing over and over again breaking the cycle? Or am I just dumb?)

FNaF:

CC dies before Elizabeth and doesn't watch her die. It's impossible timeline wise for Elizabeth to die first since CC died at Fredbear's Dinner and Circus Baby opened after the closing of Freddy's. Not Fredbear's.

I actually enjoyed parts of Fazbear Frights. It would have been better to have most of them in different universes from each other, though. Have some about Afton testing on children through projects, for example. Fazgoo just exists for no reason. Why couldn't you have him test on kids?? Or have the story with the Ella doll because it got infected by Henry's grief. So yeah, having pretty much all FF stories playing in the same universe was a mistake.

The only lore stuff I 100% believe the books make clear is names and dates. So, to me, Charlie dying at 3 years old and the children getting murdered in 1985 (mentioned twice in different books) makes the most sense. Everything else I'm sceptic on.

[burning-sol]

Drafting this when my hands are numb from playing Hollow Knight and my brain is stirring so I just want to talk about Jay Ferin real quick. I'm not as comprehensive when it comes to her character so I could very well get things wrong, just throwing this out there cause I need a change of pace.

I think one of the biggest things that gets me about her is fact that Jay's trauma isn't really 'visible' at all. When it comes to the hall of illusions, Jay is the child who appears the fittest and most cared for of the group. In many ways, there were things she was afforded that Chip and Gillion weren't. And, honestly, I kind of worry that people might focus on that and say that Jay's childhood was okay or not as bad as Chip or Gill's. But the thing is, Jay DIDN'T have a good childhood.

Jay was born into a role that she never asked for and the people around her demanded that she lived up to it. Even if she was well looked after, she implies that her family put her through quite a bit of training in order to live up to her title and that her emotional wellbeing usually came second to it. And on some level she recognises this and admits that it hurt when her most precious possession, her doll, was destroyed all because it "distracted her". But she can't completely fault her family for it because they didn't physically DO anything to her, so that has to mean something on some level? And sure, the love she's offered may be conditional but it's better than not being loved at all, right? Familial love is familial love, no matter if it's not unconditional.

But it's obvious she's distressed by her family. She has nightmares about them, some that keep her up until she's absolutely exhausted. When she sees her father again she doesn't feel any relief, she's PETRIFIED by the sight of him. She doesn't know what to do so she goes back to playing the role that her father wants, because that was the only thing she was taught to do; to be nice, stay quiet and be the Ferin everyone wanted her to be. Generally, she can be quite hesitant and unsure of herself or what to do. It's not surprising that she's so conflicted because she wasn't taught how to make her own choices, she was raised to follow the instructions of others. She's had growth over the series, for sure, but she hasn't completely shaken off those old behaviours yet.

And I just wanna say that being traumatised by your caregivers is not an easy thing to deal with. It's very easy to just brush aside whatever happens because you don't know better as a child and you would do whatever it takes to recieve love. And in particular, it can be hard to articulate or even know you've been neglected because it's marked by an absence instead of something happening TO you. To us it might seem obvious that Jay's been traumatised by her family, but to her she believes that there's a chance that she COULD have a happy family. That maybe, if things go well, she'll be taken back. She doesn't want to FIGHT her family, she loves them. If she's not immediately in their vicinity, not immediately terrified of them; it's easy for her to fall back on the notion that they love her and that things could be different. But the truth is, there was nothing there in the first place.

Also (fucking side note), can you imagine how difficult must it be trying to reclaim your own identity in those circumstances? To know there are things that were instilled in you that you can't change, that were traumatic but you can't get rid of because it's tied to who you are. She can throw away her bow, replace it, do everything she can to get rid of it; but Jay will never change the fact that her family taught her how to use it. And she can't change the fact that she has been able to have fun with Chip and Gillion BECAUSE of her skills. She just has to find a way to live with it. She has to find a way to reclaim her own name for herself.

All that aside, the way she relates to Chip's and Gillion's trauma is actually fucking fascinating. For Chip, she's kind of the opposite in terms of her circumstances. In terms of what she was physically provided, she got to live a life Chip should have had and she should be happy but she just isn't. It's sad really. And I think it's easy to see the parallels between Gillion and her but we can really see how they differ at All-Port. At All-Port, Gillion can't fathom a resolution that doesn't involve just bearing all the weight, and Jay can't fathom a resolution that doesn't involve running away. Similar traumas but two very different responses to that trauma.

But anyways, that's just my rambling thoughts. Again, wouldn't be surprised if I got something wrong since... I mean look at my posts, I'm Gillion obsessed all the way. Lmao. But I hope this was at least interesting.

[alma-amentet]

I’ve been tagged by @katastronoot and @sheirukitriesfandom

Feel free to take if you haven’t been tagged already.

1) Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

Just a few days ago I decided to pull myself together and finish my drafts, debts and references queue. There’s a number of tabs with refs hanging in my browser... Need to get rid of them! Then I’ll also finish some tutorials from my previous lessons as well as rewatch the ones I already did, just to get back in shape. And will probably dive into some other courses - I have some good videos.

Was thinking about making some doll, clothes after a long break. My drunk shepherdess needs this, as I changed my mind to sell her away! (she’s another story). And a bag for my favorite tarot deck, now I use the the bag I made for another one, while that another one rests in a bag that once was part of friend’s Christmas present.

The rest is optional for now, but I hope to start drawing more portraits again. Maybe, by the end of the year I’ll be taking requests and trades for your OCs and favorite characters... That would be super cool.

I wanted to start attending my IRL art class again, but looks like I won’t be able to afford it 😢 Sadly I’m not making much money these days, and there are some unexpected expences.

2) Rec a book!

Tanith Lee, The Night’s Master. I think Elden Ring fans will appreciate 😉 Made a post about it a while ago.

I also liked The Winter Players - finally, a good and strong female protagonist! Not evil, unlike Zorayas - the one from the Night’s Master 😉

3) Rec a fic!

False Azure in the Windowpane by Tulak_Hord

If you don’t mind het Malenia ship. I don’t because it has a lot of fluff and an interesting Tarnished. I loved the first 55k words, excluding the chapter where they sparred (for me, that felt too long and boring). But I keep reading it.

Also Flamed Aeonia by BadMonsterFr  

This one has fem shipping, also a lot of hurt/comfort and fluff - just the way I like it! 

I love Malenia fluff. So more Malenia fluff pls! If you can rec me anything else like this, you're welcome! (yes I know and love Unalloyed, esp. the epilogue. It’s somewhat different, more on Millicent and Miquella, but just my vibes as well).

(also I’m really sorry for not reading some of fandom’s buddies works, I do - I’d like to support you more ... started some of them, but couldn’t keep up. I’m a bad and slow reader, and prefer smaller sizes to long ongoings. There are just two long ongoings I'm reading, False Azure and Rebecca's, because they are updated not really often).

4) Rec Music!

I’m on my Breton and Francophone folk kick again, so I recommend 

- La Boutine Souriante, folk-rock from Quebec (so far I’m listyening to their earliest albums, but they’ve been around since 70s and have many albums)

- Tri Yann. Modern Breton classics, I’d say! Love those old men who are still fit and well.

5)Share one piece of advice!

I agree with @vidvana Take care of yourself! Also don’t skip meals, get enough sleep. And if you feel you’d use some support, seek it any ways. If you can’t afford therapy or anything, there’s plenty of books and resources. Sometimes it’s even easier to help yourself than to find help. I’m quite experienced in self-help, I know what I’m talking about. 

For me, Julia Cameron’s “The Artists’s Way” has become that single straw I grasped in my darkest times, and it actually helped greatly! I also used her list of further reading and quotes, thus finding Shakti Gauvain, whose books are inspiring and supportive as well. Later I was a moderator for several groups for the Asrtists’Way. Not an easy experience, but it taught me something as well.

But if there’s a chance of any therapy, groups, any other support, don’t give it up as well.

[ariesbilly]

I’m not sure who you like writing for, so pick your own pairing— but I like prompt 58 :)

58. “I’d die for you. Of course, I’d haunt you in the afterlife but really, it’s the thought that counts.”

(gonna do gladys x alice riverdale because uhhh well no one else is)

-

alice smith is about the last person gladys expects to see waltzing into the wyrm in the middle of the afternoon. not since she decided to abandon her club for the likes of her preppy ken doll boyfriend and all the other plastic neanderthals of the north side.

but here she is, having traded her leather and denim for pastels and tweed, looking out of place and uncomfortable in a place she used to call home.

"never thought i'd see you in here again," gladys calls from her spot on the stage where she'd be tuning her guitar.

alice startles, but only the tiniest bit before correcting herself into her usual judgmental, holier than thou air. "i just came to return this."

she's got her old serpent jacket in hand. stops a few feet shy of the stage and tosses it beside gladys like she's handing over the funny pages.

gladys doesn't bother looking at him. keeps her eyes on her old friend. can't believe what she's turned into.

alice doesn't intimidate easy, but gladys sees the way her hand flexes at the hem of her sweater, giving it a quick tug. she won't say the words out loud, but gladys knows she's uncomfortable.

good.

"okay, well, i've done what i needed to do." alice turns to leave, but gladys doesn't let her get far.

"getting rid of that jacket is only symbolic when you've still got that brand on your hip."

she watches alice's back stiffen.

"i can keep it covered," she explains over her shoulder.

gladys tsks. "be a damn shame if no one gets to see those legs ever again."

she smirks, and alice turns around fully to face her. gladys half expects a fight, but there's a reluctant softening to alice's features, like she doesn't want to admit she's amused.

gladys always did know how to pull it out of her.

"people should be paying me to see these legs, anyway." alice saunters over, taking a seat next to gladys on the edge of the stage.

gladys chuckles. "yeah, i won't argue with that."

they lapse into comfortable silence before alice takes a deep breath in, readying herself to speak.

"i'm not going to miss it here, but- we did have some good times, you know?"

gladys lets her eyes scan over alice's face, really taking her in. remembering all those good times as they rush to the forefront. "yeah, we did."

alice's mouth ticks up into an amused little grin, a ghost of laugh just escaping. "do you remember that time that ghoulie bitch came after me, and you-"

"-jumped on her back like a spidermonkey and took a chunk out of her cheek?" gladys laughs, alice joining in. feels copper on her tongue. "yeah, i remember."

"we were always getting into some shit." alice shakes her head fondly. "but we always had each other's back..."

"i'd die for you, alley," gladys admits in a rare moment of vulnerability. can tell by the look alice shoots her that it catches her off guard, too. "of course, i'd haunt you in the afterlife-" she adds, just to lighten the weight she's placed on the moment. "-but really it's the thought that counts."

"even in death you'll be a pain my ass," alice speaks softly.

gladys thinks she sees a tear threatening to spill down from the corner of alice's eye. she resists the urge to reach out and swipe it.

alice beats her to it, anyway. quickly drying her cheek before standing and straightening herself up.

"i gotta go. hal's waiting for me."

and that sufficiently kills the moment. gladys wants to ask what the hell someone like hal fucking cooper has over her, but she won't. doesn't think she'd like the answer.

"i'll give this to guys," gladys says, grabbing the discarded jacket. "or maybe i'll keep it for myself, who knows?"

"i don't care what you do with it," alice responds flippantly, digging her heals in the sand.

"maybe i just burn it, then."

there's a brief moment where something like regret passes over alice's face, but she shrugs it off with a "i don't care what you do with it. i have to go now."

gladys follows alice's back until she's out the door. and even though she knows she'll see her at school tomorrow, she also knows it'll never be the same alice again.

[rain-fluff]

Journal Eight

For the past month, my mom has been actively trying to clear out unwanted material possessions that take up space in our home. Granted, it is a nice idea as a means to get rid of clutter but it peeves me that included MY personal clutter as well. I can't say that I can condemn her efforts though, at least she's helping with clean up and would asked if I wanted to keep some things or not.

During the process, my mom stumbled across not only old dolls I used to collect (which are probably really pricey now due to them being discontinued) but also my old drawings from primary and secondary school. It was both a cringey and heart-warming experience seeing how much I've grown in terms of my art skills. I just wish that half of it wasn't so cryptic and edgy but alas that is simple apart of youth that you can never escape from. In way, I'm also quite envious of my past self for having a really strong drive for taking the time to draw that much when in comparison to now, I only wish I could have half as much of that energy. I won't get rid of these regardless because I'm someone who clings to past momentos a lot. I should really keep them away somewhere else though.

In terms of entering the second week of Ramadan, I'm glad I can actually fast this year without it being disrupted by my health complications. I couldn't fast at all last year due to me dealing with my PCOS so at least there's more progression this year. However, I still need to take some pills and lose weight; which is something I've been neglecting for a few months now. My hospital check-ups used to be every other month or so but I felt bad going just because the funds add up and I don't really want to burden my parents financially anymore than I already do. It's difficult since they're both retired so I try to make do where I can and do art commissions where I am able.

Speaking of art commissions, I wish I could give more details of a specific client but I hope they don't comission me ever again. They left a rather distasteful comment that made me regret accepting their money in the first place. I'm still grateful for my other clients who have been patient and kind to me for my work delays however. I really hope they don't request more of my work anytime soon because working on their piece definitely more of a chore than it was enjoyable (ironic how that was the exact reason why I dropped out of art school huh).

Asides from that, my new doll is finally in Malaysia! It's still at my friend's place and I'm a bit broke to deal with shipping at the moment (I'm sorry to say that is like the third entry I preface how broke I am) and I still don't quite have clothes for her yet. It's been hard to find cute clothes that aren't too expensive and my shopee cart looks like a whole catalogue for doll clothes now reaching the 100s. I definitely need to clear out my cart here and there.

Well, it's safe to say that week is tiring and I spent most of my weekend sleeping in my hermit hole. Maybe I'll have more to note in my next entry. Maybe I won't but I hope not truly.

-rain