#1) plot reasons (otherwise it would have gotten too complicated)

[tama1313]

(HNK spoilers!) I may be biased because Ghost is my favourite but I have a theory why they decided to do that to Cairngorm.

If they only cared for Lapis and projected them over Phos, they didn't have to turn Cairn into Antarct. But they eventually did.

Why?

Well, Phos and Ghost has a lot in common: they both are "outcast" with difficulty at actually socialize (even if in different ways) and they both lose someone they deeply cared (the only gem they could connect with).

Therefore Ghost does not only project Lapis on Phos. They know what's feel ling being through something like this.

Therefore the whole plan to turn Cairn into Antarct in my opinion, was actually more a clumpsy tentative to preserve Phos from any further sorrow and avoid them to suffer like Ghost did (also sweet reminder that is not Ghost's fault if they were born like this and more than once in the manga is hinted that they trust Cairn and evel let them take control over their shared body)

Sure, what Ghost did was wrong but hey! We are in HNK, not in a Disney movie

This manga is full of morally gray characters with ambiguos morality (our beloved protagonist too) which's action are way worse than theirs, and yet I see Ghost getting a lot of hate

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.

I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.

(cut for length)

It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -

In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.

I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).

But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.

The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.

Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.

The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.

These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.

They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.

(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)

So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.

I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.

That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.

And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.

Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.

I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -

- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)

Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?

They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.

In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.

But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.

The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.

I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because

- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,

- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)

- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.

If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.

So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?

I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.

But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.

Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.

[unweavinglies]

Gonta Gokuhara Character Analysis: When a Genius is Treated like a Child

So a quick disclaimer: Yes, I am very aware that this is most likely not canon, or at least not what the writers intended on being canon, nor am I saying that this is 100% canon and should be considered as such. This is just a fan theory/analysis I came up with for my own enjoyment and wanted to share with others, as I like coming up with theories/analysis posts and reworking canons to make enhanced stories and character development in my perspective. I firmly believe that the idea of making theories isn’t supposed to be a shouting contest to see which opinion is the most loud and correct, but should be something to share with others and find acceptance and understanding in different interpretations, even if you don’t agree with them.

Well, this has been a long time coming, hasn’t it?

I’ve been talking about wanting to do this analysis for months now to various friends and acquaintances, but I’ve only had the motivation to do as such recently, after writing a short story that dived deeper into Gonta’s mindset over the Mercy Killing Plot he and Kokichi attempted to carry out. Regardless of that, however, Gonta has been one of my favorite characters for quite some time, and I really feel like his character arc and the unfortunate tragedy behind the unintentional mistreatment of Gonta via his classmates.

So without further adieu, let’s talk about that--about what happens when a genius is treated like a child.

Warning, this does discuss some rather unfortunate topics, such as ableism, depression/self loathing, and the concept of mercy killing. Viewer discretion is advised.

The first thing we need to elaborate on, is why I am calling Gonta a “genius.” Gonta has shown difficulty in understanding simple concepts, and struggles to follow along complicated plots, such as we see in his Salmon Mode Event where he mentions that he cannot follow the plot of high fantasy stories because they tend to be so complicated. He even refers to himself as not very smart, tragically enough.

However, not is all what it seems for Gonta, as his intellect is a matter of fact, and not just an analysis, and the game’s introduction of him opens up this fact to the player in a round about way that may or may not be so subtle.

Gonta admits here that he was a wild child, lost in the forest for ten years. While the logistics are... questionable, this is a work of fiction, thus I will suspend some disbelief. Gonta being lost in the forest for ten years means that he was probably about 5-8 years old when he was lost, depending on how old he is in the game.

Touching upon this briefly, studies of wild children, specifically referencing this case here, have an extremely hard time readjusting and learning to human language, customs, and interaction. The younger a child is upon becoming a wild child and the longer they are in the wild, the less likely they will be able to learn language and certain social behaviors and skills. While it is not impossible, the likelihood of Gonta being 15 or 16 in the game is very low, and even impossible once I elaborate, and we can safely assume that with the context of him being a wild child, he is probably at least 17 years old. So a safe assumption is that Gonta was lost in the forest when he was about 7.

(Note: I am very well aware of Gonta’s potential forest family not being wolves, and instead the reptites, but these creatures Gonta speaks of very well be his own imagination spiking from the isolation from humanity, or be something else entirely. Gonta makes several references to video game characters as well, claiming he met them in real life, so I consider it highly unlikely that “reptites” are an exception to this. Either way, it won’t matter if you believe otherwise, just that it may change certain aspects of what I’m about to say in regarding education and the sort.)

What’s the point of this elaboration? Well, quite a lot, once you remember that Gonta is the Ultimate Entomologist.

Firstly, there is the fact that Gonta is a high school student at all. Gonta was lost at a very young age--it would be impossible for him to be, since not only had he spent 10 years int he wild, but he also had to rejoin human society, relearn human language and customs, and then be put back into formal education. If Gonta is still a teenager and not over 21, then Gonta would have to cram in a decade’s worth of formal education into a few months, or a few years, at most.

This makes Gonta a literal prodigy.

Had Gonta not been isolated from humanity for a decade, Gonta would have been a child prodigy, a literal genius with an intellect that couldn’t be so easily matched. Having the capacity to learn advance mathematics, language (although in the English version, he is struggling with speak (speaking with the infamous “caveman” speech pattern) scientific methods, all of it within such a short amount of time proves that Gonta is, without a shred of doubt, a genius.

Even if you take the aforementioned reptites into account, it only makes Gonta’s accomplishments slightly less impressive, depending on your interpretation of what the reptites actually are. This is because Gonta still had to engage with formal education, and even in the best case scenario where the reptites were fully advanced beings with a civilization and education (which I quite doubt, if they were, then why not give Gonta back to the human race when he was still a child? Why not guide him back to his kind? Why keep him? Even if they were afraid of humanity, it would be far, far worse for the humans to find them while looking for their lost son... I digress.) Gonta still had to learn Japan’s education. Their history, their language, their social customs--and then, Gonta had to learn how to be an entomologist.

You need to go to college to be an entomologist.

According to this website here, the basic, bare bones higher education one needs in order to apply for certain positions related to entomology is a bachelor’s degree, with most positions and places requiring a doctoral decree. There are, of course, youth clubs for students under eighteen, but from my understanding, in order to be considered an entomologist, you need a college degree.

Gonta is a high school student.

For him to be considered an Ultimate Entomologist, Gonta would have to have taken college courses and gotten some kind of degree in order to be recognized as such. Thus, Gonta is still learning a higher education within a short period of time that is incredible for any human being his age, whether it be as drastic as him having no sort of education while living in the wild, or living with the reptites.

Either way, it is safe to say that Gonta is very intelligent, whether or not he is potentially a prodigy for it.

However, this has very unfortunate implications of the way Gonta is treated by his peers in the game.

Not only does Tsumugi here reenforce that idea in everyone else’s mind...

She blatantly tells Gonta that he was being manipulated and or “tricked” into abducting everyone...

When, in actuality, not only did Gonta know exactly what he was doing:

Kokichi even elaborated on his plans quite explicitly to Gonta:

And earlier on, the rest of the class had been treating him differently than they treat one another, sort of like he was a young child they needed to guide.

For example;

Kirumi assumes Gonta is not very aware that hitting someone with such an object is dangerous... despite him being a peer to his classmates and a young man.

And when Gonta has a pretty valid concern;

He is instructed against it and/or ignored on the subject:

Even Kaede slips up a little;

And during the investigation...

Himiko is 100% convinced here that Gonta is the culprit, to the point where she is trying to trick him with this kind of phrasing.

“Are you not, not the culprit?” equates to “Are you the culprit?”

“Are you not, not, not the culprit?” equates to... I believe it would be “Are you not the culprit?”

And that’s the thing:

Like how even I was confused and unsure about the triple ‘nots’ of Himiko’s statement, Gonta is too. Very reasonably so, actually--it’s extremely awkward phrasing purposefully meant to manipulate Gonta into saying he’s the culprit of Rantaro’s murder, and it takes Kaito and Himiko to realize that it was them causing the problem when Kaede called them out on such.

And again, after Gonta explains his actions during the murder, he gets very frustrated;

Already, we are seeing the effects piling up, leading to a frustrated, angry outburst.

And by far, one of the worst examples of this sort of unintentional ableism is this:

And Himiko even just... flat out does this:

By “dumbing down” the explanation of right and left, and not noticing that Gonta is left handed, she caused him to accidentally switch the wires on the headset, causing the memory error and making this entire trial all the more worse for him. By treating him like a child, like the theme of this trial, she only made things worse for him.

And that’s the problem.

Despite Gonta trying to tell everyone that he has no idea what they’re even talking about, everyone just assumes he “can’t understand the Virtual World” and brushes him off. Again and again, Gonta was treated like a child and brushed off, and this time, it came with a heavy consequence.

These instances of “guiding” Gonta are subtle, and on their own, aren’t much to address as anything more than suggestions or words of caution. However, there is a very clear theme of “we have to tell Gonta what he should do” that starts in Chapter 1 and continues on until the end of Chapter 4. They’re unintentionally telling him that Gonta needs to be guided and needs to be reminded of pretty obvious and basic knowledge, and worst of all, that he can’t be trusted to think for himself and thus needs someone to tell him how to think and feel.

If it was one or two times, that would be a whole other story. However, these instances pile up, higher and higher throughout the entire span of Gonta’s time in the Killing Game, and the majority of the class ends up dismissing or ignoring Gonta’s concerns.

This sparks a growing desire to prove himself, to prove that he can be useful during the trials. To prove to his peers that he can do something on his own, think for himself, decide for himself, except even until his final moments;

Even after Gonta’s Alter Ego telling himself and everyone explicitly that he was not tricked into killing Miu...

... No one listens.

Instead of listening to Gonta, over and over, they continue to brush him off and treat him like a child they had to care for, and yet no one stopped to consider that Gonta is a young man. An intelligent, young man who’s socially awkward, but never the less, a peer to them. Yet they didn’t treat him like a peer, and in the end...

Gonta died thinking he was an idiot. A child. A burden who made everything worse for everyone else. They all considered him as a child, and that’s how they saw him even in his final moments.

Gonta throughout the game constantly tries to prove himself, but no one is paying attention. When he learned of the Secret of the Outside World, Gonta didn’t even have anyone else to turn to for help or comfort. His feelings of uselessness compounded by the desperation to prove himself as an equal to everyone else drove him to agreeing to mercy kill the rest of the group... because how else was a stupid, burden of a child supposed to help anyone as he was? Even though he knew killing was wrong, with Kokichi’s plan, he was able to do something “for everyone,” and even that compounded into the ultimate failure.

It’s an unfortunate reality, because had the class treated him as a fellow classmate and peer, this might have been preventable.

Either way, what do you think? Was discussing the unintentional class ableism in depth towards Gonta a bit... too much? I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever done such a post, so you’ll have to forgive me. It’s also been quite a while since I made a proper analysis, hasn’t it? I must be a little rusty...

I will say--please, do not use this post for any discourse regarding the ableism and what have you if you choose to agree with this interpretation. I will not stand for it.

Either way, I hope you at least found this post to be food for thought. See you all next time.

[impatient14]

Not to be “annoying on main” but like most things here in the year 2020, a lot of the nuance and reason surrounding the fandom’s fight over Dean’s queerness is lost to the wily temptress that is extremity, and I want to throw some stuff out there in case anyone is thinking the same things and just needs to hear that someone else is too.

To my followers and anyone who dares look through my blog (honestly don’t recommend it), it’s obvious I’m someone who enjoys the Dean/Cas pairing. And when I say enjoy, I mean I absolutely get feral about a wide range of topics that involve their relationship, depiction, and reception. I’ve always kept my opinions within the confines of my blog, though, and I’ve never--not once in the decade of my life on Tumblr--gone into inboxes to send hate or even indirect someone with hate or drama on my blog. That shit just ain’t kosher.

That being said, some of the anti-destiel arguments out there have merit.

Like, for example, Destiel shippers not liking the show. Personally, I did like Supernatural originally, but I also recently recommended new watchers who came for Destiel to just watch certain episodes. I’ve stopped watching Supernatural several times throughout my Supernatural journey (which started in real time with season one), because the writing can be down right awful. There were lots of great examples of writing too, but it wasn’t consistent enough for me to keep watching in real time. So I'd watch a season behind on Netflix. At some point, things got bad enough (the bro-dependence, recycled or unimaginative plotlines, the terrible treatment and fridging of female characters) that I did keep coming back for Dean and Cas only (and honestly, it was sometimes only Castiel). 

Another worthy anti-destiel point for consideration is the fact that other than destiel shippers, a lot of people who watch Supernatural don’t care about Castiel. This seems to be correct. I’d wager to say that the vast majority of Supernatural watchers did not invest even a portion of time, energy, or emotions in Castiel that we did. That’s cool. I’ve been a casual viewer of a show and been blindsided by things that their fanon saw coming a mile away. Everyone has different perspectives, and the idea that Castiel isn’t integral to the plot when you remove the possibility of Destiel is absolutely correct.

However.

Why did they keep bringing him back? It’s true that he could easily be written out when his relationship with Dean is bro-ified, but his deaths never took until the end (and even then it didn’t). Sure, it could be “pandering,” but if only 1% of the Supernatural fandom ships destiel (as stated in one argument), it seems like a strange choice monetarily. Misha, as a series regular, wasn’t exactly giving out his services for free (eyyoo), so producers and the network wouldn’t give a second thought to the vitroil and threats creators and actors would get if Misha were written off. (Side note: I categorically *hate* the social media accessibility that lets people directly interact so negatively with creators to the point of dangerous conditions. It’s the most ugly and embarrassing side of fandom.)

It could be argued they kept bringing him back because they knew hellers and Cas lovers would continue to buy his Merch and what not, but I can’t imagine the small percentage of viewers who are invested enough in Castiel to buy his Merch would compensate for Misha’s annual salary. (But honestly, numbers aren’t my thing so *shrug*) But it could also be argued that the perceived destiel headache for creators, plus the retention of Misha’s salary, would be enough to get rid of him if not for a crucial role he plays in the show. Creators have repeatedly said that Cas’ whole character revolves around his relationship with Dean, so that means the writers felt that the Cas/Dean relationship was important to the fabric of the show--in whatever way you’d like to see it. Does that mean viewers have to see it that way? Definitely not. But that’s not the story the writers are telling you they’re writing--

Oh, that sounds familiar!

All the textual gay jokes, narrative devices, and creator interactions (not just Misha, but writers, producers, and other actors too) created the metaphorical pink elephant, not the shippers themselves. And to be told otherwise is some gaslighting bullshit. I agree some fans take it too far and freak out at the mere mention of a non-destiel reading, but the foundation for a destiel reading is based in text, not just in the shippers heads. The relationship between the Supernatural creators, actors, and fandom is undoubtedly toxic, which is why I think it makes it easier for them to deny various romantic interpretations of Dean and Castiel's relationship, but (and i hate to do it) in their defense, they definitely wrote enough into the text to justifiably claim Dean's a nohomodudebro. However, they've also written enough into the text to legitimately doubt (not definitively deny) his heterosexuality.

IMO (for the maybe two people wondering) Dean became bisexually coded in a very complicated conglomeration of a homophobic “its funny to be gay” kind of way, the chemistry between Jensen and Misha, countless production decisions, and Castiel’s growing and canonical love for Dean---which all makes the matter impossible to ignore. On more than one occasion the writers made choices that welcomed a destiel reading--not confirmed--but welcomed (which is, wait for it, queerbaiting!). I’d be shocked if no one read Dean as being queer coded and secretly in love with Castiel, who btw, is absolutely 100% romantically in love with Dean Winchester. The writers kept making decisions that fed hellers so well because Castiel is in love with Dean. It’s not just Misha who has confirmed it btw, but the writers themselves. You’re allowed to read it differently, just like destiel shippers read Dean differently than the writers have claimed, but you don’t get to tell other people they’re wrong--just like destiel shipping should never have gotten to the point were anyone who didn’t see destiel was reading the show wrong. However, the difference between saying Cas’ love is platonic and saying Dean’s love is queer is the difference between having zero textual evidence for a platonic reading of Cas’ love, and having lots of textual evidence for Dean’s heterosexuality. (Personally? My headcannon for Dean fluctuates between “so closeted he doesn’t even know he’s actually bisexual” and “very much aware he’s also into dudes but is pushing it down because : Winchester ™.” However, I’m more than happy to admit that my headcannon can’t be reasonably confirmed as fact. It can, however and like most headcannons within the destiel fandom, be comprehensively and intelligently argued to the point of exhaustion.)

The only reason to deny that 1.) it’s reasonable to read Dean as being queer-coded, not canonically bisexual, but queer-coded via textual and production decisions, and 2.) Castiel is romantically in love with Dean-- is if you’re someone who can’t give credit to the opposition just because they’re the opposition. Just because I hate Trump and think he’s the spawn of Putin’s asshole doesn’t mean I can’t admit he did *some* good work for criminal justice reform. The credibility of your argument goes to crap when you can’t admit when someone else has a good point- even if you don’t agree with their overarching theory or idea.

Obviously, the state of the Supernatural fandom is pretty much what it will be forever. Getting thousands of people to admit that its normal to find evidence to support an argument you don’t agree with (something philosophers do all the time because there is no such thing as truth and the world isn’t black and white and its shades of grey that make the rainbow bright and on and on and on), is definitely not in the cards for us. But, this is just me, throwing my altogether unnecessary opinion out there. 

(If you’re one of those people that like to troll people just for having an opinion and expressing it respectfully, please consider not doing that. I am but a baby in a trench coat.)

[goldenkamuyhunting]

(Part 1) Thank you for keeping this blog going. There are few in the fandom who gives as much attention to detail as you do, and I always look forward to reading you blog. Long ask below, which had to be split into 4 parts.

Thank you for enjoying my blog!

I’m always happy to know there’s people who enjoy it!

Now, for your questions:

1) Yuusaku is basically cannon fodder. Even if Ogata didn't shoot him, he was unlikely to live through the war. Russo-Japanese War was the first to witness the carnage rapid firing lines could do to an infantry charge; standard bearers in those days were basically on suicide missions. This was why it was mostly phased out by WWI. I'm surprised Yuusaku even lived through more than one charge. Was Hanazawa senior aware that grooming his favorite son to be the standard bearer, while glamorous, was going to get him killed?

1) As sad as it is, back then ALL THE INFANTRY was sadly cannon fodder, a beaviour that will continue even during WWs.

Yuusaku, being at the head of the charge each time, had more chances to get killed than the others but it’s actually a matter of luck as, not only the others were close by, but soldiers didn’t really take aim when shooting (except for snipers), they just aimed their weapons in the enemy’s general direction and fired.

Still, it was all a matter of luck.

Sugimoto (who’s ironically based on a real soldier) managed to survive to plenty of charges, others didn’t manage to survive to their first charge.

Yuusaku didn’t have to die just because he was a flag bearer... but surely the odds were against him.

As for Hanazawa in truth the situation is much more complicate.

I’m pretty sure Hanazawa wasn’t happy Yuusaku HAD TO BE the flagbearer. As far as he was involved he had only one son and that one was Yuusaku and back then heirs were important and if he were to die Hanazawa would remain without one since it’s clear he never planned to acknowledge Ogata.

The problem isn’t so much that he wanted Yuusaku to be the flagbearer, is that he couldn’t avoid Yuusaku being the flagbearer.

Out of bad luck Yuusaku was a second lieutenant back then and unmarried, therefore virgin (because they had already moved in a time in which having a lover wasn’t respectable). And, of course, being the son of Hanazawa Yuusaku was expected to check all the other requisites a flag bearer had to have, being handsome, high achiever and a paragon of moral virtue.

In short he was perfect for the job.

Beign the flag bearer was a honour and refusing it was a sign of cowardice that would have tossed shame on the whole family.

If Hanazawa had stopped Yuusaku from being a flag bearer, Yuusaku would have lost face and Hanazawa with him and since Hanazawa was a big shoot in the army during the war this would have turned into a huge problem.

And then there’s also what Koito senior said.

Someone had to be the flag bearer. Stopping his son from doing so to protect him and therefore sacrifice someone else son would be viewed as inexcusable.

As much as I hate Hanazawa I recognize he couldn’t keep Yuusaku out of the position.

For me his sin, in regard to Yuusaku, is more that he had told him not to kill. While a sword can’t really stop a Maxim gun, during the charge they would get in close contact with other soldiers, soldiers who could kill him. Using his sword to defend himself would increase his odds to survive.

Hanazawa instead, realizing the chances for Yuusaku to survive were dim, likely preferred to use him till the end as some sort of pure idol to fulfil a theory of his own at whom the soldiers might not even believe that, if Yuusaku weren’t to kill, soldiers would remain pure as well and wouldn’t feel guilty.

Of course it can be that Yuusaku actually wasn’t so good with the sword. Maybe if he were to try to defend himself not only he would fail but this would lower the troops’ morale. As an idol instead Yuusaku is protected by the soldiers who see him as their personal amulet of good luck.

In this case in a way Hanazawa took the best decision both for him and the troops. We know too little to tell... but I’m pretty sure Hanazawa knew there were few chances Yuusaku would survive.

In his position he couldn’t possibly not know.

Sure is Yuusaku seems to believe everything his father says without thinking at it too much.

When he explains his reasons to Ogata... well, they aren’t really his reasons but what his father told him. He didn’t rielaborate, didn’t internalize, didn’t think it over.

It’s just ‘daddy told me so therefore I do it in this way’.

2) I wonder what was going through Ogata’s mind, watching Yuusaku run into the meat grinder. At that moment maybe it occurred to him that being Hanazawa’s favorite son came with a heavy price tag.

Everything comes with a price tag... but objectively both Ogata and Yuusaku were risking to die in that war and if Ogata was left more often in the trenches, where it was slightly safer, shooting at enemies, it was merely because he was lucky he was gifted at shooting otherwise he could have been right next to Yuusaku running, charge after charge... only he never enjoied an ounce of Yuusaku’s benefits.

The truth is that people who come from a privileged situation like Yuusaku, Koito, Tomoharu, Ueji or Chiyotarou, aren’t insured to have a happy life free of danger. They can be as miserable as the next guy and can end up in troubles way bigger (Ueji even went insane after all, Yuusaku died, Tomoharu wasn’t up to fulfil his family expectations, Chiyotarou get bullied, Koito had no support when he lost his brother...).

But they will also be sheltered by way too many things that make life miserable and will be given chances that others can only dream.

So yes, being Hanazawa’s legittimate son came with a heavy price tag but being Hanazawa’s illegittimate son not only also came with a heavy price tag but was bereft of the benefits being Hanazawa’s legittimate son could offer.

3) He must also know that Yuusaku getting KIA is a matter of (very short) time. Tsurumi must know that too, so he called off the kill.

Honestly I believe the only reason Tsurumi called off the kill was because he wanted to push Ogata to kill Yuusaku on his own. Ogata showed a softer side with Koito when he kidnapped him, giving him a sweet and conforting him...

...but that’s not all. When he carried Yuusaku in a brothel and Yuusaku turned down his idea to have fun with the girls he could have gotten Yuusaku drunk or forced him in another way. He didn’t. He let him go and made sure he wasn’t seen as he left, when he could have let Yuusaku’s reputation being tarnished just by letting him being seen.

Tsurumi mentions noble blood deliberately, sure this would be a jab at Ogata.

He pinned the two brothers one against the other trying to recreate the situation that pushed Usami to kill Tomoharu and it worked. Only Ogata wasn’t enamoured of Tsurumi as Usami was.

4) Yet Ogata killed him anyways. Maybe he thought since Yuusaku was going to die anyways, why not use him as an experimental guild-trip?

I’ll say it’s more than experimentation. In addition to Tsurumi subtly pinning him against Yuusaku there’s to say all Ogata wanted was his father’s love and attention, and he had seen Koito getting it after his brother died.

Plus Yuusaku made the mistake of stepping in a minefield.

Ogata is a man who represses his guilt, who has learnt to do it as a child when he killed his mother, whom he loved. For Ogata is a cornerstone in his own development he doesn’t feel guilty because ‘he had a reason for his mother’s murder’.

And Yuusaku then goes and tell him this is impossible, that he has to feel guilt.

...and Ogata, who’s stuck between his own maladaptive copying mechanism, his wish to be normal, and his deep desire to be loved by his father, kills him, again telling himself since he has a reason, he wont’ feel guilty.

Only he will feel guilty despite being in deep denial over it but that’s a talk for another post.

5) Now I have a feeling that deliberately killing Yuusaku is just another lie he tells himself. Maybe it wasn’t deliberate, but the most egregious failure he made as a sniper for which he spun a whole narrative for: he kill Yuusaku by friendly fire.

I think Ogata genuinely believed he had shoot to Yuusaku and killed him. In short, I believe he aimed and shoot. Of course it’s possible he missed, subconsciously or by coincidence and, ironically, Yuusaku was killed by someone else, either by incident or deliberately so as to delude Ogata into thinking he had killed him.

Plot wise though I don’t see the point of having Yuusaku die due to an accident because, if this were to be the case, it would never be possible to discover it... unless Ogata were to remember his bullet actually hit another target... or it were to turn out the bullet in Yuusaku’s head wasn’t the one of a type 30.

It might be different if it was someone else who had shoot him, making Ogata believe it had been him, like how ‘by a coincidence’ Tsukishima had learnt of the whole Igogusa’s story about how her corpse was dug up.

However, as Usami pointed out, Yuusaku was shot perfectly in the center of the back of his head... and Usami knows no one else in the 7th who could do it.

So unless Tsurumi has an extra sniper we’re unaware of, it would be hard for him to stage Yuusaku’s death so that Ogata would believe he were the killer.

So I don’t know.

But I think the real key in the whole thing isn’t if Ogata has killed his brother or not, but that he believes he has done it and, contrary to what he thought, he feels guilty as hell for having done it to the point he hallucinates Yuusaku each time he’s not in his best shape or even when he is and he’s about to do something he feels he might regret afterward.

But of course this is just me.

Thank you for your ask!

[itsclydebitches]

I think one of the bigger things that bugs me about Volume 7 is that it seems like they just thought of a few plot points and then thought of the easiest, fastest way to connect all of them together without much thought into it. Like, take the "Amity Tower diverts resources from Hole In The Wall" plot point. Not only would it be OOC for James to ignore that, considering his defensive behavior, but also, the resources required to repair the wall and build the tower don't overlap. (1/2)

Which is precisely what I mean when I say that the lack of care that goes into the major plot points/world building has a massive impact on the characterization. You can’t separate the two because it’s (obviously) through the plot that we get to know these characters. It’s a series of persuasive steps: 

Step One: Decide that we want to make Ironwood the end-game villain of the volume 

Step Two: Provide one reason for his villainy, namely that he’s letting the people of Mantle go unprotected

This is where the writing stopped and where many people in the fandom stop too. The claims of “Ironwood abandoned his people long before he decided to take Atlas up into the sky” and “Of course he would shoot Oscar. How many kids do you think he’s killed by leaving the wall open?” are disconnected claims because the show failed to do the all important final step of: 

Step Three: Persuading the audience that Step Two proves Step One. Leaving the wall open is indeed a villainous action. 

What would be an example of a story failing at Step Three? If Ironwood 100% did not have the resources to fix that hole. If he made an attempt and it failed due to circumstances outside of his control. That wouldn’t be villainous. It would simply be a tragedy and Step Three has not done its job of proving that this event (can’t close the hole) equals the desired result (we want him to be a villain). What we actually got, however, was a more complicated scenario wherein the story just… didn’t give us any more information. See, Step Three is actually multiple sub-steps. The story needs to do the work of proving that Ironwood not filling in the hole is in character (which as you point out, it’s not) or otherwise do the work of explaining why his character has suddenly changed so drastically. It needs to explain to the audience how resources for a satellite are the same resources for a concrete wall. It has to explain why, if this was so important, Robyn didn’t fix it with all the resources she stole. Or, it needs to give us insight into why the wall remains unfixed: oh yeah it has been damaged multiple times in the last year and each time we patch it up the grimm tear it down again super fast. We’ve come to the realization that it’s more prudent to put our resources towards additional robots to fight off the grimm and, in the long term, completing the project that I believe will defeat Salem (which then no one corrected me on) rather than wasting those resources on a defensive maneuver that clearly isn’t working/is wasting limited materials. And if we had gotten something like that then, again, not villainous. That’s a man making smart decisions based on inaccurate information, information our main group could have corrected weeks earlier. The very generalized claim of, “Ironwood isn’t protecting his people” not only ignores the context required to understand whether he can protect his people in this particular way - Are the Amity resources the same as wall resources? If not do we even have wall resources? - but likewise ignores all the other ways he IS protecting his people. He’s got an army literally saving lives in the opening episodes. He’s got Penny out there doing the same and providing hope. He’s giving talented fighters early licenses so he can get them to help with everything from wall patrol to preschool crossing. He’s currently trying to build the machine that he thinks will save the entire world. The story failed to take all of that into account when it suddenly insisted, “He’s a bad guy who doesn’t care about Mantle.” 

By not clarifying any of the above questions the writing demands that we stop at Step Two and have faith that there’s indeed a connection. We must do the mental work to assume that fixing the wall will keep people safe, that these resources he’s using for one project are the exact kind Ironwood needs for this other project, and that other people with access to resources (like Robyn, like the Council) all had Very Good Reasons for not taking action themselves, thereby putting all the blame on him. That’s how you reach, “He’s clearly a murderer for not fixing that” out of a story that simply didn’t do the work to prove that Ironwood is a villain because of this. That this functions as proof of his villainy. And as you say, we’re seeing this a great deal in RWBY now. We’re given plot points whose justifications are treated as fact, but the only way you agree with that is by ignoring either a) how often this “fact” is contradicted by earlier episodes or b) the lack of information proving its truthfulness. Examples: We’re supposed to accept that the group has to steal an airship even though the fandom very easily thought of numerous other options, we’re supposed to accept that Ruby is strategic in lying to Ironwood even though past episodes damned that behavior in Ozpin, we’re supposed to accept that Ironwood is evil for choosing Amity over the wall even though it makes no sense why those two things are lumped together and the story’s heroes told him to prioritize the tower. That’s the issue right there: Ruby straight up tells Ironwood to keep working on Amity and only Ironwood gets heat for doing what she wants. And would have gotten more heat if he’d dared disagree. That’s the protagonist centered morality: your heroes are inherently right for doing all the things they damn others for, even when they have knowledge that doing this thing is arguably useless. At least Ironwood thinks that sacrificing some of Mantle’s safety will lead directly to Salem’s defeat. What’s Ruby’s excuse? And if the answer to that is, “She realizes that bringing the world together is still the only way to win” then you’re working under the same kinds of assumptions. The story has not done the work to prove/explain a) how banding everyone together is useful against immortality and b) why that mystery usefulness outweighs all the canonical harm we’ve seen happen when people learn about Salem. You need to both assume things that haven’t been introduced and ignore things we’ve actually seen in order to prioritize that justification. 

Despite my love of Ironwood as a character I’d be totally down with him as a villain… but RWBY needed to do the work to make him into one after six and a half seasons of him being a hero. The whole wall situation is just one small failure out of many in that regard. 

[otomehonyaku]

DIABOLIK LOVERS CHAOS LINEAGE | KINO 1 (ENGLISH)

♥ OTHER CHAPTERS OF THIS ROUTE & OTHER TRANSLATIONS (CLICK HERE) ♥

SURPRISE! It took me a long while to figure out what I wanted to translate next, but @kyouxa​ and I were chatting a bit and we decided to join forces to translate Kino’s CL route together! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆ She’ll be translating the endings (which I’ll be linking to in my masterpost), and I’ll be translating the main route.  Quite honestly, this is my first playthrough of one of Kino’s routes, so I’m experiencing all the plot twists together with y’all... Enjoy!

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending.

DO NOT REPOST MY TRANSLATIONS ON TUMBLR OR OTHER PLATFORMS, TRANSLATE MY TRANSLATIONS TO ANOTHER LANGUAGE, OR USE MY TRANSLATIONS IN ANY FORM ELSEWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING DOING ANY OF THESE THINGS, PLEASE ASK FOR MY PERMISSION FIRST.

-LOCATION: UNOCCUPIED ROOM-

Yui: Well then, Kino, I’d like you to...

Kino: Hmm, so it’ll be me. Hey, why did you choose me?

Yui: I suppose, for some reason...

Kino: What’s that? It’s a bit rash for Eve to decide on her companion merely ‘for some reason,’ isn’t it? 

Yui: (He may say that, but I really just went with my instinct for no reason, so it can’t be helped.)

Kino: Hehe, well, alright. You’ve chosen me... It looks like things’ll be getting fun around here.

Yui: (Ah, what is this? It’s as if a chill ran down my spine... It was my imagination, right?)

*time passes*

Yui: (As soon as the role of my escort had been decided, everyone left the room.) (As Kino said, I wonder whether it was the right thing to choose my escort so freely?) Even so, during our discussion yesterday... They said that even if they’d gotten a hold of me, they still don’t know how any of them could become the King. It seems like I won’t be killed, but I wonder what will happen to me instead...

*knocking sound*

Yui: Y-yes! (I wonder who it is?)

*door opens*

Kino: It seems you’ve woken up. How are you feeling?

Yui: Not particularly different than before...

Kino: That’s alright, though. Tell me straight away if anything’s wrong. Don’t bother me otherwise, okay?

Yui: I understand... (Bother him? As far as I understand from Kino, it seems like taking care of me will be just another uncalled-for task on his to do list...)

Kino: At any rate, you were sought after by a whole lot of guys yesterday. It must’ve been tough... 

Yui: It was. After I woke up, I was suddenly smack in the middle of a fight.  (That tense atmosphere yesterday... I wonder what kind of conflict is going to take place from now on. My heart feels heavy just thinking about it...)

Kino: What’s with the long face? Worrying is no good for your body, you know... Ah, I know. Let’s go out.

Yui: Huh... Outside?

Kino: You’ll keep feeling down if you just stay holed up in your room, you know? So, let’s get some fresh air.

Yui: (Judging from our conversation yesterday, I was certain that they would not allow me to go outside but... I wonder if I was wrong?) Is it okay for me to go outside? I wouldn’t want to get scolded by Reiji...

Kino: We’ll only take a walk in a close range of the mansion, so we’ll be fine if we don’t get caught. Besides, it’s not like I have to abide by his rules all the time.

Yui: But still...

Kino: I’m telling you, it’s alright. C’mon, let’s go!

Yui: Ah... Um, Kino! (Judging from the state of affairs yesterday, we’ll be in big trouble if we don’t follow Reiji’s orders, though...) (I wonder if it’s really okay to just do as we please.)

-LOCATION: IN FRONT OF THE MANSION-

Yui: Ah, what a nice breeze...

Yui: (I was feeling a bit uneasy before, but right now, I’m just happy to be outside for a bit. The evening breeze feels nice.) (Besides, I didn’t get the chance to look at the mansion when I came here, but, wow, the exterior looks very imposing too...) (I can see a forest a little bit ahead of us. This is such a nice place, surrounded by nature... If only we weren’t in the middle of a conflict.) Thank you, Kino. I feel refreshed. 

Kino: ...You really are riddled with weak spots, aren’t you?

Yui: Huh...?

Kino: Thanking me so sincerely for such a small thing. You look like an idiot. However... Thanks to this opportunity, I’m finally able to taste your blood.

Yui: Ah...!? (It hurts... He’s so strong...!)

Kino: C’mon, be a good girl. If you’re not, you won’t know where I’ll pierce you with my fangs.

Yui: F-fangs!? Could it be... You were after my blood from the beginning...?

Kino: Of course. It would be foolish of me to feed off of you inside the mansion, after all. However, if we’re here, nobody will get in our way.  I’ve wanted to know what the blood of Eve tastes like for the longest time...

Yui: N-no! I’ll die if you do!

Kino: Listen to me, you won’t die from a little taste. Well, if I just so end up hanging on, we won’t know what happens though, right?

Yui: ...!

Kino: Hehe, what a nice expression. I see... So this’ll be the first time someone feeds on you?

Yui: ...! My arms... It hurts... Kino... (I thought he was a nice person, but... I shouldn't let my guard down around vampires after all.)

Kino: Hey. I’m going to pierce your neck with my fangs now. How much do you think it’ll hurt?

Yui: ...N-no...

Kino: What an innocent reaction. How endearing. C’mon, enjoy the feeling of your first bite. Nn...

Yui: Ah... (Ah... It hurts...! My throat is burning...) (My blood is flowing out... I don’t... No.)

Kino: Wow... That was intense... It’s way sweeter than I imagined. It’s like figs... I’m gonna go mad...

Yui: P-please, let me go...

Kino: There’s no way I’ll let go of something so delicious that’s right in front of me. Look, I’ll do it from here next...

Yui: That’s... Stop...

Kino: I would never. Nn...

Yui: Ah... (No, this is scary...! Please, somebody, save me...) (Having my blood sucked by a vampire... Is this how I’ll die...?)

*god-awful high-pitched noise*

Yui: Ah, what...? (That place I saw just now...)

Yui: (Ah... That’s right. I won’t die of just this much.) (That’s because I’ve been fed on countless times.) (By the Sakamakis—)

Yui: [screams] [breathes heavily] (I remembered... I’m—) (I’m Komori Yui.) (Where am I? What on Earth has happened!?)

Kino: ...Hey, now. Don’t tell me I broke you already? It’ll only be more fun from now on...

Yui: Who.... a-are you?

Kino: Huh? Why are you asking me this now? Us brothers all introduced ourselves yesterday, right?

Yui: Brothers...? (Ah, that’s right, Reiji and the others! I woke up in the church, and I was taken here—) (Why are Yuma and Reiji and the others suddenly brothers? And what on earth is this conflict over the Throne!?) (What’s happening? I can’t read the situation at all...) This isn’t Kaminashi Village... The Demon World? Or some other place? That mansion, is it the Sakamaki’s property? But also, what’s up with that church?

Kino: The Sakamaki’s... Wait, have your memories returned?

Yui: Memories...?

Kino: You’ve noticed that we’re in a really strange situation right now, haven’t you?

Yui: Y-yes.

Kino: ...Aha. Well then, there’s no need to hide anymore. I didn’t think your memories would return from me simply feeding on you. This is a bit beyond my expectations.

Yui: Who exactly are you...?

Kino: You don’t have to be so cautious. Let me introduce myself again. My name is Kino. I am Karl Heinz' zeroth prince.

Yui: Karl Heinz’... ...Huh? What!? So you’re Ayato and the others’ brother!?

— SELECTION —

   1. 信じる　Believe him (white)

Yui: To think they had another brother...!

Kino: I was kept a secret, so it’s no surprise that you don’t know. I am the illegitimate child, wasn’t raised with the rest of them under the king’s wing, that kinda stuff.

Yui: So that’s the story...

(The Sakamaki’s family situation is a bit complicated, so it might not be strange if there was an illegitimate child...)

Kino: As expected, it doesn’t take much for you to believe me. Well, I suppose it’s helpful that we got around to this conversation so quickly.

   2. 疑う　Be suspicious (black)

Yui: (Is he really one of Karl Heinz’ sons...? Up until now, I’ve never...)

Kino: It seems like you won’t believe me under these circumstances. Welp, I suppose it’s unsurprising as an illegitimate child. I am the illegitimate child, wasn’t raised with the rest of them under the king’s wing, that kinda stuff. I can prove it by using magic to send the two of us afloat, you know. 

Yui: What!? You don’t have to do that for me to believe you...!

Kino: Yeah. I’m glad you do. 

— END OF SELECTION DIALOGUE —

Yui: But still, how did you end up here... Speaking of which, where the heck are we!?

Kino: Calm down. Also, I’d like to talk with you in a more comfortable way. I want to become familiar with you, you know.

Yui: Ah... Okay, I got it. So, Kino, is it? Uh, I’ll say it again, then. I’m Komori Yui. I’m living with the Sakamaki brothers, and—

Kino: I know that much. You’re the one and only Eve, who resides with the Sakamaki brothers.

Yui: Huh, how did you know?

Kino: Well, enough for now. Our situation now is way more important. You get it too, right? We’re all in this unknown place, and everyone’s heads are messed up.

Yui: Y-yeah... However, I didn’t have any suspicions until just now.  I forgot about everyone and everything as if my memories were distorted too. I considered myself Eve, who had been sound asleep in the church for many years, and the fight for the Throne is all I know...

Kino: Hmm. My memories were tampered with too. I suppose it’s the same for the others.  The strong intent of being in this place solely to fight to become the King... was implanted in our minds. 

Yui: Fighting to become King...

Kino: Well, at least that was the case for me, but I was lucky enough to take back my memories. 

Yui: A smartphone?

Kino: Yeah. While my memories were tampered, I subconsciously opened my email history, and I was able to remember a lot that way.  Even still, I can’t seem to find out where we are, and unfortunately, my smartphone doesn’t have any signal either, so I can’t use it. 

Yui: I see... So even when we’re outside, there’s nobody we can contact...

Kino: Right. So it’s not of much use to be making a fuss outside on your own, is it? That’s why I’ve just stayed in the area, assessing the situation.

Yui: Ah, really... Huh? If that’s the case, why did you suck my blood?

Kino: Plain old curiosity. When someone gives off such a good scent, it’s hard to hold back, y’know. I’ve never come across such special blood, so I just wanted to have a little taste.

Yui: T-that’s your reason? (That’s what I thought, but my blood is special to vampires.) (The Sakamakis would feed on me unreasonably often, and even if I got angry, it didn’t matter...)

Kino: Your blood, Yui, is of the finest quality. It’s for the best if you don’t let your guard down around vampires you don’t know. Ah well, all this didn’t even go half bad. I think we’ll get along great, don’t you?

Yui: I-I guess?

Kino: So, let’s join forces. It seems like we’re the only ones to have regained their memories so far. Don’t you think we have to work together?

Yui: (I really would be in trouble if I were alone in this situation.) (But still, I wonder if I can trust Kino...) (...No, I don’t have any other options right now.) I do... Let’s collaborate and get ourselves out of this situation.

Kino: Hehe, that settles it, then. Let’s do it.

MONOLOGUE

Kino held out his cool hand, and I shook hands with him. 

An unknown place. Everyone’s memories distorted. 

I can only feel uneasy, as I don’t know what’s going on at all.

Kino, who seemed to have noticed my troubled expression, smiled widely as he narrowed his eyes. 

Those eyes... They resembled crescent moons, and somehow, his smile made me uncomfortable—

[sagemoderocklee]

Hello! For the meta asks, would you do 1, 5, 8, and 17?

you did not come to play, lilac! thanks for all these questions! <3

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  –   what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

oh lord. that’s a... question. i have. so many current projects, i don’t even know where to start. this is gonna be long so please bear with me lol i’ll probably give more detail for some fics over others, and i’ll only go over fics I’ve got documents for because otherwise we’d be here forever.

The Art of Love: so this one is obvious because it’s been in progress for the last 2ish years? no i think it’s three now. I won’t go into detail with this because the fic is roughly halfway through, so there’s plenty of content for that up! I’d say the progress with that fic is actually going really well, though. Unlike Alliance, which took 8 years--five years of writing, three of editing--TAoL has been up for way less time, and is already about to hit the halfway mark! I really need to get back to it, tbh because it’s been way too long since my last update.

Honor Bound (sequel to Alliance): so this is.... kind of on pause. I’ve got the first three chapters written, but my focus has been more on TAoL when it comes to my more complicated, long running stories, so HB has taken a backseat. I think I won’t get back to working on the Allied Nations Saga until after TAoL is done, in all honesty.

Find Me: this is my HS AU, which has been on the back burner forever and I feel terrible because I think it may honestly be my most popular fic. Unfortunately, AUs/slice of life stuff is difficult for me because I’m more interested in politics, so I lost momentum on this fic. It is about halfway done. I have a good chunk of chapter six written, but not enough that I could say I’m close to finishing it.

It Eats Your Heart: obviously I just started this one, and it’s a horror fic. I’ve really gotta sit down and do some major plotting on it because I only have some very vague ideas currently.

Pearl-Filled Lungs: this is one of like three ningyo AUs I have--the other are pirate/ningyo AUs (and ones actually a selkie not a ningyo). I started it last year for the GaaLee fest, and it’s been sitting unfinished for far too long. I finally sat down recently and plotted the whole thing out, so I’m hoping to get back to working on it soon! It’s only 5 chapters in total, so I don’t think it’ll take me super long to get through once I sit down and do it.

Who Dares to Love Forever: This is a working title, and I may change it. This is a fic idea I’ve had for a couple years, inspired by the song Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen. This particular fic is a vehicle for my sage mode!rock lee headcanon, and explores just how effective Chiyo giving Gaara her life would have been given she was an old biddy. So the idea for this fic is that Gaara’s running out of time because Chiyo only had so much to offer.

Absolution: this is another fic that I’ve had on the back burner for years. it was initially inspired by art by @brianadoesotherjunk but quickly spiraled into something much bigger because of course it did. This particular fic is one I’m extremely excited about. I need to go back over the first part, because I feel like it’s not quite right, but I do technically have the first part done. This fic follows Gaara struggling with bouts of narcolepsy that trigger nightmares induced by trauma and guilt from his childhood. These nightmares are incredibly dangerous for obvious reasons, but even more so because Temari’s baby is on the way. Temari and Shikamaru are married, living in the Kazekage estate, and with their baby coming and both needing/wanting to get back to work, they also need a nanny. Unbeknownst to Gaara, the year prior to the events of the fic, Maito Gai died, succumbing to the 8th Gate finally, and Lee has since been spiraling. His depression has become so self-destructive that he’s been taken off active duty. Shikamaru, along with the rest of the Konoha 12 (minus Neji and Sasuke), get together and discuss what to do. Tenten believes that Lee being a nanny would be the perfect thing. And so Rock Lee is sent to Suna, hired by Shikamaru and Temari as their live-in nanny...

We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips in a Garden of Gardenia’s, Yet We Go the Way of the Red Camellia: true to form, I decided that a hanahaki fic was something I had to do, and I was not going to pass up the chance at being as Extra As Possible with the flowery language, ergo the ridiculous title. I’ve gotten part way through the first chapter of this fic, but the whole thing is roughly plotted out and each chapter title is just as extra as the whole fic’s title.

Thirteen Strokes: so this is a fic I have--once again--had on my mind for ages, and--once again, because I am nothing if not a caricature of myself--inspired by a Florence+the Machine song, All This and Heaven Too. I started writing this the other night, as I wanna use it for GaaLee bingo. It’ll be 13 chapters, as per the 13 strokes that it takes to make the character for love, ai, in Japanese. The fic is from Gaara’s PoV, and follows his journey with and his relationship to love, with lots of worldbuilding and politics because it wouldn’t be an Eeri Original without those things.

Scarification: this is another idea for bingo based around the prompt shinshoubyou, which is a fictional disease where your emotions cause physical marks on you

Fill in the [  ]: another bingo idea, based around the prompt bouaishoukoigun, the fictional disease where you forget the person you love if it’s unrequited.

The Eagle’s Augury: an idea that allows me to play around with more worldbuilding and focus on Karura. In this fic, the curse (mentioned briefly on the Naruto wikia) that has led to every single Kazekage being assassinated, is coming for Gaara, and Karura is trying to warn him from beyond the grave. At the same time, Temari and Shikamaru’s marriage is approaching, and their ceremony is being held in Suna, with all the fan fair a marriage for someone from the Kazekage line should see. Again, another fic inspired by Miss Florence+the Machine, the song is Mother

Pomegranate Sun: this is a fic that I am... so excited about. Another fic that was originally inspired by a Queen song, Under Pressure, and has of course taken on a life of its own. This fic, I am actually going to be writing with @ghoste-catte! It’s an arranged marriage trope, and I’m super pumped for it! We’ve only got a little bit started, and it has obviously not taken priority for either of us since we both have a lot of fics on our plates.

The Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix: this is a fic I’m really excited but is going to take a LOT of research to get off the ground. I had this idea sometime last year, I wanna say? This fic is another self-indulgent headcanon about Lee’s origins, his family, etc. This fic starts when Gaara shows up on Lee’s doorstep, asking him to accompany him to another country for reasons Lee cannot understand. Gaara has been in talks with Phoenix Kingdom, hoping to forge a new relationship only to find that the Emperor wants to use shinobi for militaristic purposes. Lee doesn’t understand what help he could possibly offer the Kazekage, but he can’t very well turn him down.

okay, i’m gonna stop there. these are the ones I have titles and documents for, and honestly that’s probably way more than you wanted to know about lol

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with? 

Despite the fact that most of my fics end up from Gaara’s PoV, I actually identify with Lee the most!

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

Yes! Which is hard to find, tbh, because I am a sucker for political dramas with slow burn romances, but I don’t see a lot of that in the GaaLee fandom. I’m not as into like slice of life or short stories where the characters get together quick, I’m really not into established relationship fics unless it’s a sequel, so I tend to avoid those. I like AUs but it really depends on the AU, because I ultimately prefer the canon and I love seeing the way people write the shinobi world and all its rules and cultures and things. I’m just a big fan of worldbuilding, politics, and slow slow burns. Not this 25k SLOW BURN! crap because that is NOT a slow burn. I wanna see a fic that’s 200k words in and they still haven’t even figured out they’re in love! I like stories I can really sink my teeth into, ya know?

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Oh gosh. I generally don’t think too much about it except like hoping people don’t think I’m like a stuck up asshole because of how I talk about my writing, writing in general, my hcs, etc. I mean, obviously I don’t expect everyone in this fandom to like me--and there are ppl I’ve gone out of my way to be vocally against because they do nasty shit--but largely I feel like I come across as too intense, so even the general population of GaaLee fans that I do want to interact with I’m always a lil nervous that people secretly don’t like me and basically are like “oh god this bitch again” when they see me in the tags. But I just get really excited and invested in my ideas, and honestly for the longest time this fandom was SO small and there weren’t a lot of people putting out content regularly so it was like a handful of us so I think it made me more emphatic about GaaLee lol I think I always like assume people aren’t as excited about my writing as I am or that people are like “too much politic, i need more romance”.

I’m always surprised when people really love my AUs, like Kado or Find Me have had such fantastic reception, and it’s like people just eat that shit up so much. And then I look at like Alliance or Art of Love and get kind of confused because I think by comparison those are more interesting and more developed than my AUs. I put a shit ton of work into everything I write, especially anything that requires research, so it’s not to say that I do less work per say, just that I feel like TAoL and things like it are more interesting and more developed, and the relationship feels.... somehow more to me there than in an AU.

a lot of my motivation really just comes from the lack of content this fandom had for so many years, and the fact that Naruto could have been a much more interesting series and I love worldbuilding so much. I think my motivation for each fic is different though. Like Alliance was started because I wanted to write something different from what was mainly in the fandom at the time because mind you I started that in 2010. But my motivation for TAoL is more wanting to tell a beautiful story with a complex narrative that looks at the failings of the shinobi world. Whereas like any slice of life fic is really just meant to be a fun break. And sometimes I write something literally just because I wanted to fulfill that trope for the GaaLee fandom--again, a lot of my ideas have been sitting for years and years and years (TAoL was an idea I had literally right after starting Alliance, but I didn’t get to it until 2017), so a lot of ideas that are old are because at the time that trope hadn’t been fulfilled yet in the fandom though that’s changing a lot with the recent GaaLee Renaissance of the last couple years.

[dreamcatcherfication]

The Queens of London Part 3 - My Loneliness is Killing Me

Hello hello hello! Chapter three has arrived, and boy does this one have some developments in it. (I say that like action happens. It doesn’t really). This chapter is mainly exposition and worldbuilding for you all, but there is some good drama throughout and some action in there. Sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors, my dog ate my chromebook.

Writing Masterpost

NOTE: I know historically that Katherine Brandon is Maria de Salinas’s daughter, but for the sake of this story we’re going to pretend that they aren’t related. Otherwise, it would cause a lot of plot holes with Maria’s involvement with the queens that’s just way too hard to work out for how the story is being written. 

If anyone wants to send in prompts or requests, my inbox is always open, I love hearing from you all! Here are some prompts and asks if you ever feel like dropping by:

Prompts | More Prompts | The Trifecta of Prompts | Random Asks

Trigger Warnings: Vague mentions of sexual abuse

Part 1 | Part 2

The Queens and their ladies sat around the table listening to what Jane and Joan had gathered on Kat. “She was very uncomfortable,” Jane noted.

“Especially when I called her Brandon,” Joan threw in. “This girl’s hiding something, the only problem is we don’t know what.”

Cathy twirled a pen in her fingers. “Well this certainly complicates things.”

“Why don’t we just confront her on it?” Anne asked.

Maggie nodded along with her. “She can’t lie to all of us.”

“No,” Aragon sighed, “that wouldn’t work. She’d get defensive. If nine suspicious women surrounded you and demanded the truth, would you confess?” Anne let her eyes fall as her suggestion was rejected.

“Why are we talking about Kat as if she’s already a criminal?” Anna asked from her chair. She was leaning on the arm and had her leg up at an angle, a stance she put on to suggest that she had little stake in the conversation. Really, the others knew Anna had a big heart and was willing to intervene on behalf of any of them.

“She’s right,” Jane agreed. “I can keep an eye on her, like you all suggested, but other than that, we leave it be. Kat looks properly like a kid, we shouldn’t treat her like a hardened criminal.”

Cathy sat up and reminded the group, “She does supposedly deal with the Black Market, though.”

“Yes, we can’t forget about that,” Maria affirmed.

Rubbing her forehead, Bessie stood up. “I usually just let you do your thing, but this is dragging on. Let me just do a quick synopsis and then we can go home, kay?” When there was no objection from any of the others, Bessie continued, “Okay. Katherine Brandon, well known for her popular record label and dealings with the Black Market, has never been seen in public. Apparently, that’s because she looks like a seventeen year old. Although we don’t officially know her age, something’s clearly wrong with this whole situation. What I believe we’re all thinking right now is that Katherine Brandon is an alias.”

“Exactly,” Joan pointed at Bessie. “She flinches every time we say her name. Normally I would suggest that means she isn’t Katherine Brandon, but there’s no way anyone else could have gotten ahold of that note. Besides, what random person opens an envelope not addressed to them?”

Agreeing with Joan, Bessie finished the basic rundown. “We can’t directly confront her on this suspicion, but we can have Jane keep an eye on her. There will be no stalking,” she said this directly in Anne’s direction. “And things will continue as planned. Sound good?”

There was unanimous agreement among the group as they disbanded the meeting. As everyone got up, Anne pulled Cathy to the side. “Hey, is it just me or is there something familiar about Kat?”

The journalist frowned. “Not that I could tell. Why ask me?”

Anne shrugged and hid an embarrassed face. “You know the most, I figured if anyone would have any idea, it would be you.”

Giving Anne a kind smile, Cathy clicked her pen. “Well I’ll keep an eye out and tell you if I suddenly recognize her.”

“Thanks Cathy.” Those were the last words the queens exchanged before leaving for the night, set to return at the same time tomorrow.

Making it home, Kat immediately went to her old laptop and worked on getting it running. She had the thing from when she still lived with her father, but after being kicked out she was unable to get anything better. When the screen was properly lit, she typed in Jane Seymour Joan and waited for any information to pop up. First off, she got a bunch of photos of Jane at promotional events with Joan at her side. The two of them looked close, maybe even siblings. 

There was an article attached to one of the pictures, so Kat clicked on it and started reading. “Joan Meutas is the co-owner of the Seymour fortune with her close friend Jane Seymour. Okay, so not related,” Kat talked to herself as she read. “The two are rarely seen without the other and they deal with Seymour related activities equally. When asked about allowing Joan to control half of her fortune, Jane said ‘Controlling all that money by myself is for too much power. I trust Joan to handle it far better than I could all alone. We work together and that’s what works best for us.’” Kat couldn’t help but feel her respect for this woman grow.

Moving on, Kat did her best to find the other ladies she had never met. She remembered Jane mentioning the names Maria, Bessie, and Maggie, so she started searching. After no results were yielded from Anne Boleyn Maria and Catherine Parr Maria, Kat struck gold with Aragon News Maria. There wasn’t as much personal stuff on her as there was on Joan, but there was quite a bit of work related information. Maria de Salinas is the close friend of CEO Catherine of Aragon and works beside her as the CFO of Aragon News. It is unclear when the two of them met, but when Catherine inherited her business, Maria was immediately appointed the CFO beside her.

The process continued with Bessie and Maggie. Margaret “Maggie” Lee is the main supplier of alcohol to Boleyn owned bars. While she does not own any alcohol companies, Margaret is known for providing some of the best mixes from different suppliers. Boleyn talks about her in many interviews as, “the best of both worlds. She makes a killer cocktail and she’s the best friend I’ve got…”

The article for Bessie was particularly long, so Kat skimmed it. Elizabeth “Bessie” Blount is the spokesperson for Cleves Fashion. She organizes the company’s events and speaks at press conferences in the place of legendary designer, Anna of Cleves. The two have been close friends for years, Elizabeth even collaborating with the designer on some occasions. There was a period of time where Elizabeth left the company to work for Aragon News, but she quickly quit under mysterious circumstances.

As much information as the articles had provided, Kat couldn’t help but have more questions than she started with. There was so much behind these nine incredible women, and she was hiding herself in their group, pretending to be someone she wasn’t. 

Katherine Brandon is the owner of Darkrider Records and is known for writing many Number 1 hits in recent years. She appeared out of nowhere, taking the world by storm with her work and collaborations with rising artists. But perhaps the most interesting thing about Brandon is the lack of pictures of her. In fact, there is not a single confirmed photograph of Katherine Brandon, leading to some wild conspiracies surrounding her. Many claim that they’ve dealt with people under the alias Katherine Brandon in the Black Market, garnering Brandon an infamous reputation in the business world. Another one of the most famous conspiracies surrounding Katherine Brandon is that she is not a singular person, but rather a group of influential people pretending to be the figurehead of the company.

That was certainly quite the character Kat would have to play. Her only grace of good luck was the lack of information on Katherine Brandon. “Why am I doing this,” Kat mumbled under her breath.

The answer came clear as day, even though Kat didn’t want to accept it. Accepting her answer would mean continuing this dangerous lie. But her resolve was breaking down quickly, and Kat couldn’t help but think of her reasons. Backing out would mean her life would go back to the way it was. Playing music to passersby and barely making enough money to afford her dingy apartment. She didn’t even have much of an education, something she desperately wanted. These women had offered money in their note, but that wasn’t what really interested Kat. Of all things, it was because Kat was lonely. She had no one and nothing and slowly but surely it was killing her. This was probably her only chance at doing something worthwhile in her life. She could disappear off the map and never matter at all, or she could help take down a murderous, corrupt politician. 

When phrasing it like that, Kat knew she never stood a chance of backing out.

Unfortunately, joining a secret plot to overthrow a wealthy politician did not really have any benefits. Waking up at the crack of dawn to get set up on the street was not something Kat particularly liked doing, but it was necessary if she wanted to make enough money from free music. At first she couldn’t make much money, but quickly Kat learned the trick was the length of time she spent playing, not the quality of the music.

Most of the time people dropped money out of pity, not because they enjoyed the music she played. Kat hated living off of pity money, but no one ever wanted to hire her for a job, leaving her with no choice. The day always started out slow with only a few dollars here and there, but business picked up later on in the day. Kat liked to refer to her music as if it was a real job, using terms like business and customers to make herself feel better about the whole situation.

As the pale morning started to fade and the sun began shining through the clouds, Kat huddled in on herself, obsessively checking her watch that was propped against her guitar case. 7:50. Kat anxiously chewed her lip and strummed the guitar, trying to keep her mind fixed on the music. In the next few minutes, Jane would walk by and for once Kat did not want to be noticed.

“Kat? What’re you doing here?” asked a voice, causing the girl to jump in her seat. Dread and nervousness settled in her stomach, but Kat put on her best facade. The minimal information on Katherine Brandon allowed her to build her character as she wished (Kat was glad she had taken those theatre classes when living with her father), so she tried her act on Jane.

Appearing calculated and confident, Kat glanced down at her instrument and then back at Jane. “Oh this?” Kat commented offhandedly, “I play out in public in order to attract anyone interested in music. You’d be surprised how many talents come by and start singing with the music. How do you think I recruit so many new stars to my label?”

Jane hid her surprise at Kat’s sudden change in demeanor well. The girl was acting completely different than the worried teen the night before, which immediately sent up red flags in Jane’s mind. “How long do you stay out here?”

“Eh, only a couple hours in the morning, I usually go to the company to put in some actual work. Can’t be slacking off.”

Taking note of the vagueness in the word “work”, Jane bobbed her head up and down. Kat was acting exactly how the queens had predicted Katherine Brandon would, something that shouldn’t have been strange. But Kat made a lasting first impression, and to have her do an entire 180 in a single night meant something was up. “I can’t stay for long, Kat, but I’ll be seeing you later tonight.”

Returning to her music, Kat gave a small wave, “Yes Jane, I’ll be there.” With that, Jane walked off and Kat sighed heavily, releasing the tension in her body. While her Katherine Brandon character wasn’t perfected, that portrayal was certainly more believable than the nervous girl Kat had been the night before. Being Katherine Brandon was far better than Kat being herself, and if that’s what it took for Kat to take her first steps into this new world, she would take it in a single leap.

The night came again quickly, Kat’s nerves skyrocketing as the first sign of darkness started creeping into the sky. This time, Kat was more prepared, so she pulled out her cleanest pair of pants and the nicest dress shirt she owned, regardless of the warmth. If she was to impress these women, she needed to dress elegantly while also appearing nonchalant.

Arriving at the closed theatre, Kat moved to open the door like the first night. Before she could grab the handle, someone’s hand wrapped around her mouth and another around her waist, wrestling her away from the door and into the alley beside the theatre. Screeching into the hand, Kat started thrashing in panic, pushing at her captor.

The person made a grunting noise and Kat squirmed, but they kept a tight grip on her waist. Suddenly, Kat was thrown back into the memories of hands on her waist, holding her and touching her. A sob came out of Kat’s mouth as she started to shake, only for her assailant to let her go.

“Kat?” came the soft voice of Anne Boleyn. The bar owner had quieted herself so she couldn’t be heard by anyone other than Kat. “I’m sorry, did I scare you too much?”

Spinning around and lifting her head, Kat realized the person who had attacked her was only Anne, her face heating up with shame as she saw how badly she’d spooked Kat. “Why would you do that?” Kat whispered hoarsely, trying to regain her composure.

Putting her hands in her coat pocket, Anne shrugged. “I was trying to test you, see how well you reacted to being attacked.”

“Yeah, well I’ve never been attacked like that before, so clearly I didn’t do well.” Kat sighed and clenched her fists so Anne could not see the trembling. “Just don’t do it again.”

Anne held her hands up defensively. “Sorry, sorry. You head inside, I’ll be in in a minute.” Kat nodded and moved around Anne and out of the alley. She shot one last glance at Anne before moving inside the theatre to join the other women.

When Anne was sure Kat was gone, she reached in her pocket and pulled out a wallet. Opening it up, Anne began muttering to herself. “Alright Brandon, let’s see what secrets you’re hiding in here.”

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

First Monday of the month, which means Coming Attractions Post!

(Especially since I skipped last month, whoops…)

Before we get into it, as I always do in these things, plug for my Discord server--it’s pretty quiet, but basically a slightly more interactive version of this tumblr. Sometimes I talk a little more about origfic or other stuff than I do here, too.

Also, this is not my only hobby! As some of you may know, one of my others is lacework, and I now have a sideblog for that. I have pictures of my completed projects up there, and will probably have more stuff as I start…well…making more stuff.

Anyway. On to the actual writing stuff aka why most of you are here (also a few requests for feedback/Opinions behind the cut).

So, I didn’t get much done over the month until, like…the last few days. In part because work got super bonkers for reasons I’m still Cranky at but that is a vent for my personal blog, lol.

Precipice:

I have threeish scenes left, which I’m probably going to do as one more chapter (unless they end up Super Long, then I might split it into two). That’ll close out Arc Seven, and the first big chunk of this fic. As I’ve said before, I’ll split off into a sequel fic (working title Protectors) at that point, along with doing a sort of…interquel, working title Preludes, that mostly deals with integrating Rebels content. Also probably Maul.

Right now, I’m tentatively planning six installments to Preludes? Mostly because six feels like a nice number to work with, lol. These will be one-shots that aren’t super interconnected, all taking place during the six-year timeskip. These are the ones I’m thinking about doing as of right now (subject to change, and I welcome suggestions!):

one involving Kallus on Coruscant, shortly before he gets reassigned to Lothal;

one involving Hera and whoever her contact is in this AU (since Ahsoka’s doing something different from the Fulcrum stuff);

one where Kanan and Ezra connect with Obi-Wan et al. (probably through Hondo);

one with Luke, probably similar to that one episode where Leia turns up in Rebels canon;

I really do need to figure out what the heck is going on with Maul, don’t I.

…something else????

The only ones I’m 100% sure about including are the one with Kallus and the one where the various Jedi link up because those are necessary and/or plot-relevant, though I’m still working out specifics (especially on the Jedi one). I may also include something with Thrawn, since I’m doing something different with him than canon did. Like I said, I welcome thoughts/suggestions/etc.

Protectors will then pick up six years after the end of Arc Seven, with Arc Eight. And, as a treat, the working titles for Arcs Eight and Nine are Escalation and Watershed. In theory, I’m planning to post Preludes alongside arcs eight and nine, but we’ll see.

…anyway, uh, what I forgot to mention earlier is that my plan is to wrap up arc seven/the first fic in this series this month. Hopefully I will actually pull that off XD. And then we move on to the other stuff.

Other SW Fic Projects:

Big Bang is coming up again! I think signups will be next month? I’m considering three different plotlines as of right now, though that’s assuming I don’t come up with something new and exciting and/or another ObiAniDala plotline, which is what I seem to do every year…which one I end up doing probably depends at least partly on how S2 of the Mandalorian goes, since two of the three ideas heavily feature Bo-Katan. Of course, one of those lacks a plot and the other is pretty episodic/involves a lot of blank space I still need to fill in…

Anyway, we’ll see how that goes after the show airs and I get more event information, especially since it’s going to be structured differently/teaming up writers and betas much earlier in the process, which will be nice and possibly help chronically-undecided me actually pick something so I’m not scrambling to finish at the last minute but given that it’s me I probably will be anyway XD

As for other SW projects…I still owe a few meme fills from, like, April…but otherwise, extant projects are mostly back-burnered for now.

AtLA Projects:

Aka, the reason why SW projects other than Precipice and SWBB (and any one-shots/prompt fills that occur to me) are back-burnered, lol.

I am working on an AU outline, set to come out this month. There’s a couple of fulltext fics I’m playing with. I haven’t gotten any actual text written down yet, but I know where I’m going with them, at least to start.

The AU outline will be a canon-divergent thing set during the Ba Sing Se arc, and will be hopefully out Soon.

Fulltext fic #1 is…basically, the premise is, Lu Ten had a lover during the Siege, the soundtrack to this fic involves a lot of West Side Story, he left her with someone to remember him by, and then there’s some mindbending and complicated politics after his death. I think I talked a little more about this in a previous post? Anyway, one of the things I’m considering is whether to just tell this story linearly, or to start several years later, and go into the whole star-crossed lovers backstory as she regains her memories of what actually happened. The advantage to the first option is that it’s easier to work with shifting POV, which I prefer; and also involves more canon characters more quickly. The advantage to the second is that I think it would work really well for this particular storyline? Assuming I could get people invested in her and/or Ba Sing Se Politics/Worldbuilding that fast …y’know, when I think about it like that, maybe linear is the best option, lol…

Fulltext fic #2 is an Avatar Zuko AU, where he figures it out at age thirteen, and at that point decides he has roughly three and a half years until the comet, aka three and a half years to figure out how to make all this work (not to mention at least starting to learn air, water, and earth), and hopefully by then he’ll know what he should be doing with it? Whether it’s to resurface and Prove His Worth by defending the Fire Nation during the leadup to the comet, or something else (though Something Else doesn’t quite occur to him until he starts doing the other stuff). This will heavily feature at least one of my old OCs, and probably a few others (and likely one or two new ones), especially during the first two years. I’ve got things more or less worked out up until Aang resurfaces and Zuko’s plans have to shift/he has to cut his earthbending year short (much to Toph’s annoyance). Because once Aang is awake, everyone thinks he’s the Avatar (he’s not; there’s another explanation for how he iceberg’d for a century), and that fact just escalates All Of The Things.

((I’ve mentioned before that I am Pathologically Incapable of not creating a bunch of OCs and AtLA is a particularly strong example of that, so...yeah, that’ll be a Thing in pretty much anything I write in this fandom))

…anyway, this should be fun, once I actually get actual text down XD

Original Fic:

I did write one thing last month! Which was nice. Hopefully, I’ll get a bit done this month, too. For those of you who don’t know, most of my original stuff is posted on rainbowfic, which is a great community and if you guys do original stuff you post online, you should come join.

I’ve also started poking at a couple of new concepts, because that is how my brain do. Including one Arthuriana story despite the fact that I’m not super into Arthuriana but then my brain was like “what if Mordred was a girl?” and welp. Here I am.

NaNo:

I’m proooooooobably going to do a similar setup to what I had the past couple years--set myself a wordcount goal, but not bind myself to any single project. Depending on how things go this month, either with Precipice!verse or SWBB or my AtLA stuff, or if that Mordred thing catches on, I might try to prioritize one or more things (like, have my goal be 20k on X project, and 30k on other stuff), but I’ll decide that closer to the date.

…I think that’s everything! What are you guys up to lately? Does anyone have NaNo plans? Any thoughts on stuff I mentioned on my docket, so to speak? What’s on your mind?

[hargrove-mayfields]

A Stake of Holly in Her Heart Pt. 4

Pt 1.   Pt. 2    Pt. 3

Max reads the message written in the Christmas card over and over until her eyes are crossing, then does it some more.

She’s so caught up on that last part, the signature, “mom.” Her mind just can’t process what she’s reading.

Maria Hargrove was Billy’s mother, a woman who Max had never had the pleasure, or displeasure, depending on who you asked, of meeting, being that she was out of the picture years before Max got involved.

According to her ex husband, she was conceited, selfish, sleazy. Ask her son, and he’d say she was quiet, nervous, loving.

Rumor has it that she just up and disappeared one day, leaving everything behind but a packed suitcase and a stolen debit card. Everything including her ten year old son.

Max had never really gotten the full story, only bits and pieces of the truth, but up to this moment she’d been perfectly content with the explanation that she’d gotten too worn out by Neil’s abuse, and cut out everything that had to do with that life they shared.

The card in her hand and the note inside of it might suggest otherwise.

The retelling of events from the abuser abandoned by his victim and the scorned and forgotten child was something that Max always knew would never be the most accurate, and so she knows her perception of the situation might be wrong, but there was still something that was throwing her off.

For one thing, why would a mother who had deliberately left without her son just write to him like nothing was wrong? She supposes that Billy tried to keep guarded a lot of his personal life, and maybe this wasn’t quite as out of the blue as she thought.

But what bothers her more is that the message seems far too simple, too casual to be addressed to a dead boy. Maybe it is surprising for Maria to have sent anything in the first place, but for it to include such a normal interaction? There’s something there that’s rubbing Max the wrong way.

Thinking back, she realizes she can’t actually remember anybody ever mentioning that they’d called Billy’s mother to break the news, and she knows for a fact that she hadn't seen her face, the one immortalized in the photo of her that Billy always kept in his glove box, anywhere among the few guests that had shown up at his funeral. And then she figures it out;

Maria Hargrove doesn’t know her son is dead.

Max’s knees start to shake, so she lowers herself to sit on the stoop. Words can’t come close to describing how she’s feeling, holding in her hands that handwritten sentiment from an isolated mother to her dead son. Not even the tears that run down her cheeks and are dried by the winter wind can express the grief that that little Christmas card triggers in her heavy heart.

Just knowing that there’s someone out there that might care as much about Billy as she does is such a profound thought in her mind. But is it really the same?

Is there any comparison even able to be drawn between the grieving sister of a misunderstood brother, and the woman who’d knowingly left her child with a monster?

Max’s knee jerk reaction is to say no, that any person who would knowingly abandon another who needed them deserves in no way to be affiliated with her and her heartache, but deep down she knows that isn’t completely true.

Even she’s considered it, running away from Neil and Susan and Hawkins and never looking back, but she’s trapped, by school, by her friends, by a cemetery plot. For Maria to actually go through with it, that must’ve been the hardest decision of her life.

And besides, Billy would had to have already forgiven her if he gave her the Cherry address. There’s no way she would’ve gotten it on her own, they hadn’t even told anybody where they were going before they moved.

The whole thing was a lot more complicated than she’d ever expected.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there contemplating it, bright red tear streaks on her freckled cheeks, before her ride eventually shows up, and Max realizes that now more than ever, the last thing she wants is to go to some party.

Not even the idea of being around her loving friends seemed like too attractive an alternative right now, not since she’d stumbled across Billy’s Christmas card, but the way she saw it, she didn’t have a choice.

Bailing now meant she’d have to go back inside and face her parents after she’d already made them angry today, which would do nothing but prove Neil right. She could already imagine the smug look on his stupid drunken face, and so, despite her resignations, she stands to make her way towards the car.

Carefully, she slides the card back into its envelope and puts it into her jacket pocket, or rather the pocket of Billy’s jacket that she saved from being thrown out when they cleaned out his room.

Up until now, she’d been telling herself she only wore it because it was warm, but today she'd done enough reflecting to be able to admit that, more than any other excuse she might make for the sake of appearances, she just missed her brother.

The walk down the sidewalk to Steve Harrington's BMW waiting for her at the curb feels very much like a walk of shame.

Maria’s card burning a hole in her pocket, Max tries to focus on the crunch of ice melt under her boots, the wind whipping the branches of the bare ginkgo trees at the edge of their property, anything at all that might take her mind off the lump in her throat.

When she yanks the door open, she knows it’s a little too hard for an expensive car that isn’t hers, but she slumps down into the passenger seat anyways.

Steve makes a face, she assumes because he’s going to call her on not going for the backseat when they’re supposed to be picking up Dustin too, but then he just keeps staring at her.

Max scowls, “Are you going to take me to the party or what?”

He clears his throat and looks away. “Yeah I just, uh, wanted to ask, you know, if-if you were okay.”

“What do you think?” She spits.

Even though she’s pretty sure he wasn’t asking about the abuse, only curious as to how she’s coping with her brother's death rather than how she’s holding up against Neil’s temper, she tugs her sleeve down anyways, just in case he saw the bruises.

Of course Steve catches it, his eyes flickering down to the denim cuffs pulled over her hands and softening to show something like pity, before he says, “Sorry, I wasn’t-“

But Max doesn’t want his pity, so she shuts him down, clear exhaustion in her tear-thick voice, “Please, just drive.”

Most people would be happy to know there was someone in their corner, but the longer she’s alone in that house, the more others' empathy has come to make her feel smothered.

Because a thousand empty “sorry”s and condolences without feeling wouldn’t change a thing, wouldn’t make the bruises and the man who put them there go away or bring her brother back, they only piled up expectations on her to get better for their sake, so they didn’t have to watch her be all depressing anymore.

For that reason, it felt sort of insulting to her to have others showering her in pointless pity.

“Right, yeah, of course.” He says, but his gaze lingers again on Max’s face for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing in thought as he turns away to start the car.

She rolls her eyes and leans back in her seat, hoping to show him that now is just really not the time for a therapy session from her babysitter.

Max’s subconscious must have disagreed, or maybe the concern on Steve’s face just seemed genuine enough that she buys it, because she feels the tears coming again.

It’s something that feels so incredibly shameful, to turn her head and stare out the window so Steve Harrington can’t see her crying, to even be crying again for what felt like the hundredth time today, but she just can’t stop herself.

She tries to cheer herself up by remembering that she is currently on her way to her friend's house, and that she would soon be celebrating and having fun with the people who care about her, because Christmas is not supposed to feel like this.

But knowing that when all of it was over, Billy won’t be the one there to pick her up in his Camaro, and that she’ll be dropped off back at a home where she isn’t safe, and where they’ll pretend her brother never even existed, the joy of the holiday is drained away entirely.

Her shoulders shake as she stifles her sobs, and there’s no hiding the few sniffles and gasps she can’t hold back. It’s humiliating, especially because she can feel Steve glancing over at her every now and again.

Were she not sure that the moment she opens her mouth she’s going to start ugly sobbing and betray her barely there dignity, she would’ve told him to mind his own. Instead, she just keeps her mouth shut and stares out the window, hoping he’ll leave her alone.

They’re a few minutes away from Dustin’s house when Steve sighs and suddenly makes a dead stop, pulling over against the curb. She looks over at him, and notices his eyes shining in a way that was probably not because of the heater being turned up too high.

“What are you doing?”

He lets his hands drop from the wheel, and turns in his seat to look at Max. “Do you even want to go to this party?”

She doesn’t really know how exactly she’s supposed to answer that. There isn’t time to explain the nuanced version, the internal debate she’s holding between friends or family, invasions of her privacy or a slap to the face, so she settles on, “I don’t know.”

“Then let’s ditch. My friends and I used to go down to Benny’s on Christmas for the pie, we should go.” Steve says, his voice wavering, just a little.

The implication of skipping out on the party to go out with a boy her brothers age, alone, mind you, when he’d already been accused once of being sweet on her, (the assumption was baseless and came from a panicking and very confused Billy, but still) is enough to make Max’s heart drop into her stomach with dread.

There must be a look on her face to match that feeling in her chest, because he specifies, “I promise it’s not weird or anything I just- you shouldn't have to be around all that right now.”

But she’s on the defensive now, and she crosses her arms and says, in her meanest tone of voice she can muster, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you and I both know they’re going to be nosy.” Judging from the concentration on his face, he knows he has to earn her trust back, and calculates his next words very carefully. “Wouldn’t want them asking any questions about your arm.”

In a way, that only does the opposite by making him seem suspicious, but her interest is piqued. He knows something, and he wants to talk about it without drawing the attention of everyone that’ll be at the Wheeler’s. That doesn’t automatically equal him being a creep, right?

Not when she’s got so much that she doesn’t want them to know either.

Turning it over in her head, she makes the decision that she's got enough that she doesn’t have to bolt, but she’ll still be wary. She's well aware that she has a problem with being too trusting, for years she’d thought Neil wasn’t that bad of a person, but she’s pretty sure Steve’s a little more open about his baggage, and her judge of character isn’t that bad once she gets familiar with somebody.

So she agrees in her own way, looking over to Steve and asking him, “What about Dustin?”

“He’ll be fine, dude. He’s like, super tough.” Steve mocks Mikes tone from when Mike had said the same thing earlier, having overheard through his own walkie that he always left on in case of emergency and putting lots of effort into his stupid teenage boy impression.

For the first time that morning she feels something other than the sting of despair, a small bubble of laughter from her throat and a smile finding its way onto her face as she mumbles, “Whatever.”

Read also on ao3!

[ablogcalledrevenge]

I’m so intrigued as to why you hated Peter Rabbit so much omg. Please tell!!

I’m putting this under a read more because it got really long and complicated. Sorry, but I have a lot of feelings and thoughts about this and Peter Rabbit is the vessel.

That being said, if you like the movie, that’s okay! You’re allowed to like it and you shouldn’t let me make you feel bad. I love tons of bad movies! Spice World always makes me smile!

Also I want to say that I am not blaming or mad at the actors, crew, the CGI people. Like they did the best with what they had and I don’t fault them. I mostly blame the writers, director, and producers. Especially the producers.

BUT we can’t forget that, at the end of the day, this movie was a cashgrab, merchandise factory of a movie. This is, as my old roommate coined, a parking ticket movie. Basically the only reason half of the people worked on this movie was because they got a bad parking ticket and needed some quick cash. I do not believe for a second that Margot Robbie or Domhnall Gleeson looked at this script and went “yes, this seems like exactly the kind of children’s movie I’ve always dreamed of doing.” Everyone involved with this film did it for the money or because they were contractually obligated. And honestly, that’s okay. I could live with that. These are their jobs and they’re allowed to make money. But when you do a project because you’re forced to, or for the payout, it shows in the work. We can tell when your heart’s not in it. But the movie had bigger issues than the motivations behind it.

1. The movie didn’t have a good villain. Perhaps this is because I’m older and have more sympathy but Thomas McGregor is a very ineffectual villain. We start the movie, meeting him, as if he were the main character! We see that he’s a bit of a control freak and that he can be a little rude to people and then we see him lose his job and have a mental breakdown. He gets this house in the country and all he wants to do is sell it and move on. The rabbits are actively (and against their own desires, but we’ll get into that later) working against him to make selling the house harder. This guy’s supposed to be the villain? This guy who basically lost everything in his life and just wants to go home and spends half the movie getting electrocuted because he doesn’t want animals in the house when he’s trying to sell it? Maybe it’s because Domhnall can make anyone charming, or maybe it’s poor writing, but I watched the movie asking why I was supposed to hate McGregor. He hadn’t done anything wrong! To be honest, as you go through the movie it seems like the rabbits are the antagonists! If the movie was hoping to make him a Cruella DeVil figure, they failed. Thomas is a sad, broken man and I just felt bad for him. Also I don’t enjoy seeing my husband getting beat up by CGI rabbits, it’s embarrassing, but that’s beside the point.

2. The romance between Bea and Thomas is forced, unnecessary, and unlikely to last. Considering they’re supposed to get married and have a baby in the sequel, I think it’s even more ridiculous. The third movie will have them getting a much needed divorce. Like this is a kid’s movie, I don’t know why it needed a romance?? But basically Bea and Thomas have absolutely nothing in common. This isn’t a cute ‘opposites attract’ thing, this is that their values and morals and desires don’t match up at all. They’re completely different people! The fact that Thomas spends the whole movie basically lying to get Bea to like him should be proof enough that whoever wrote the characters never intended them to be a legitimate couple. They’re pushed together because, idk it’s a movie and we have to have a happy ending which means a wedding because apparently we’re in Shakespeare’s time?? People are allowed to be friends and they work better as friends! Also do you think Bea knows anything about shibari? That’s what Thomas needs and you expect this little granola painter to be able to tie him up and rough him around? Oh please.

3. The movie is just bad. The humor and plot are very weak and the characters are mostly one dimensional. I think I laughed once during the entire time I watched it. I must admit, in an effort for transparency, that I didn’t finish the movie. I had to stop watching after 45 minutes because I couldn’t take anymore. What does it say about your movie that 45 minutes in and the plot hadn’t really even started yet? It was ALL exposition and that’s bad! This is a kid’s movie, the action needs to start sooner! The humor was oddly topical and unoriginal; the whole movie was. It was clear this was a rip off of Home Alone, Alvin and the Chipmunks, 101 Dalmatians, The Minions. If not through plot than through style. Playing a Top 40 song during an opening scene doesn’t make your movie better, it just makes it lazy. It’s clear you didn’t pick “Feel it Still” by Portugal the Man because it added something to Peter’s character. You added it because people know the song and it will make them sing along and smile. The plot is weak too, it doesn’t make sense. The whole point is that the rabbits want McGregor to leave... he does too! They actively sabotage themselves by pulling all these stunts on him. If they had just left him alone for 2 weeks, he could’ve sold the house and left. He probably would’ve sold it to some rich family that wouldn’t care about a garden full of animals! But instead they realize Thomas doesn’t like them and decide to electrocute him and humiliate him because he doesn’t want them in his garden for a specific amount of time that has an end date. Until the rabbits bothered him, Thomas didn’t care about them! If they had left him alone, he wouldn’t have ‘fallen in love’ with Bea and their other problems wouldn’t have happened too! They caused their own misery! What is this plot?! 

4. Bea is just an idiot and I can’t stand her. No shade to Rose Byrne because she is literally so pretty but the character is very dumb and annoying. She’s supposed to be Beatrix Potter which is also a very strange inclusion considering Beatrix was a real person and had her own life, just saying. But anyway, we can see early on in the film that Bea can communicate with the rabbits. They respect her and listen to her. So why does she let them, and at times, instigate them towards McGregor’s garden! She knows how dangerous it is and that Peter’s dad died there. They literally have the whole forest and her property and they can’t stay out of a 10 square foot garden? If she cares about those rabbits so much why doesn’t she grow some vegetables? Why doesn’t she stop them from bothering the guy who clearly wants nothing to do with them? She’s so caught up in ‘respecting nature’ and ‘being an artist’ that she’s so oblivious to everything else in her life and completely useless in every other way. Thomas deserves a better partner and Beatrix Potter deserved a better interpretation.

5. The characters are mean. Peter Rabbit is supposed to be a bit of a rascal and a scamp. He’s a troublemaker compared to his goody-two shoes siblings. We know this, it’s in the books. But everyone in this movie, especially Peter, is just so mean! Every other comment he makes is something disparaging against Benjamin or one of the other animals. He spends the whole movie being rude and dismissive and cocky. We’re supposed to root for this character? At times, considering his dialogue, Peter seems like more of an antagonist than Thomas. At least Thomas is nice to Bea, at least Thomas, in the beginning, only tries to keep the rabbits out and not hurt them. Peter’s a jerk and I don’t like his character. I don’t like any of the animal characters, they’re all so sarcastic and unsympathetic. So much of the ‘humor’ comes from one of the characters making fun of another and the jokes fall flat because of it. Beatrix Potter’s characters have such a softness to them, they invoke warm and cozy feelings. This movie was such an insult to her work.

Right before Peter Rabbit came out, I saw the Mr. Rogers documentary. Seeing him be so passionate about children’s media really made me think about the stories we give our kids. They deserve better than this recycled garbage! They deserve better characters and better stories. They deserve to be treated like human beings with brains and feelings and talents, instead of just mindless meat bags we plop in front of a screen to keep them out of our hair. I’m not saying that we can’t have entertainment that’s silly or stupid but when every kid’s movie is exactly the same, I start to feel bad. Children deserve quality! 

So here’s my pitch for a Peter Rabbit movie: Up until Thomas goes to drop the rabbits in the river, everything is the same. I would make Peter and his siblings nicer and more inclined to work together as a team but otherwise everything is the same. Then, right before Thomas drops the bag, he stops. What is he doing? What has his life become? He’s about to kill innocent animals because he lost his job? He sinks down on the bridge and starts to cry. He starts telling the rabbits, because he has no one else, how terrible he feels. His job was the most important thing to him. He has no friends, no hobbies, no direction. He doesn’t know what to do with his life now. Maybe Peter pokes his head out and snuggles up to Thomas, showing empathy. Thomas goes on to say that while he enjoyed his job, he realizes now that he wasn’t truly happy and that getting revenge won’t make him happy. He looks down and sees the binoculars, the first gift he’s gotten in years. He looks and sees the rabbits curling up against him and he thinks maybe he doesn’t have to sell the house. Maybe he doesn’t have to go back to his life. So, with the help of his friend Bea and the rabbits, Thomas learns how to calm down and enjoy life. He learns to appreciate the small things and respect the beauty of nature. Maybe there’s a funny montage of Thomas trying to mow the lawn or garden. Maybe he makes everyone dinner with his vegetables and it’s really bad and everyone makes a funny face. It ends (a little like the original ending) with Thomas realizing that he may have lost his successful glamorous job in the city, but now he has friends. Now he has people who care about him and good food on his table. So the movie ends on a toy shop. Thomas is showing a little boy how to fly a remote control plane. Benjamin and Cottontail are in the middle of a tea party with a little girl. Bea is wrapping a gift for customer and Flopsy gets her paw stuck in the bow. Everything seems perfect and wonderful when we hear a huge crash offscreen. PETER! End Credits

[ed-edward-blackbeard]

Fanfic Author Meme.  Keep Reading after question 2 for 3-50.

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

Jesus Lord, no.  I’d die of secondhand embarrassment before I got halfway through it.  It was never published online, thank Christ.  It was called … ugh, I don’t remember what I called it, but it was a line from Edmund Spenser.  (Don’t judge.)  It was an OC female character and Autolycus, from Hercules and Xena, played by Bruce Campbell.  It was… a SHAMBLES.  Self-insert, wish-fulfillment of the worst kind.  But, my friend Alicia read it at the time and she told me how great she thought it was, and I should keep at it.  So, thank you, Edmund-Spenser-titled-fic.

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

It’s called “i commit sins every day but i never give my soul away”, and it’s on my AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/22951009.  And I actually don’t have a unit of measurement for how much I’ve improved.  But it’s also been… God, I’m 43 today,  so it’s been 27 years I’ve been writing.  Almost thirty years.  Shit, I’m old.

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

Oh, man.  Tricky question.  If by best you mean technically written, most enjoyable?  I’d say maybe wasting the dawn.  Definitely By Inches We Fall.  But to be totally honest with you?  I think my best fic, the one that got me, personally by the throat, shook me, and hasn’t let me go?  Shoah.  It’s one of my earlier fics, from the Sentinel fandom, but man.  Writing this was rough.  I did my research on concentration camps, and I couldn’t sleep right for weeks.  Lisa and Patt were holding my hands over AIM practically every night when I was sobbing that I couldn’t finish it, that I couldn’t do it, that it was too much.  (I’d have been about fucking seventeen, maybe nineteen, when I was writing it.)  I bit off way more than I was prepared for, but I didn’t quit.  And I’m proud, quite frankly, that I even finished the damn thing, but even this far removed from it, I still feel that gut-punch when I go back re-read it, which is why I don’t.  And haven’t for a couple of years.  

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

It’d probably be Consortio.

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

I actually feel that way about 99% of my stuff.  Even some of the older stuff, I re-read it and I get really happy because not only do I see myself changing and maturing, I realize I was harder on myself than I should have been.  I didn’t suck like I thought, and I get the warm fuzzies.

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

Er, not really?  I mean, there’s some cringey shit I wrote when I was like, twelve, but not even I know where those notebooks got off to.

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

By Inches We Fall.  It’s my only Game of Thrones fic, and I feel like I really want to continue the story of Jamie and Brienne and their kids, and of Jaime being Hand to King Jon and Queen Sansa.

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

How Firm A Foundation.  It’s a Deadwood fic, and I (many years ago, when Deadwood was actually on the air) actually sketched out how every chapter would go.  There’s a few things I’d change today, if I started it again, just because I can plot better than I could ten years ago, but I think the thread of the story is gone forever.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

Yami No Matsuei.  A friend of mine was actually heavily into YnM, and I wrote several stories for her.  Later I’ve watched some of it, and I realize I did okay on my characterizations, but there’s always things I could have done better.

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

Pretty much every fandom I have ever been in.  I don’t read a lot of fanfic, because I’m afraid (almost paranoid, in fact) that I’ll internalize something I’ve read and later spout it out in my fic, and I don’t ever want to copy anyone, deliberately or otherwise.

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

I have, and I didn’t publish it for the reason above; I didn’t feel like my take on it was original enough to bother.

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?

Lots of reasons, actually.  Sometimes I write with the intention of not publishing, it’s something just for me.  I’ve also written a few fics that I ended up absolutely hating, and they’ve never seen the light of day.  I’ve also done some that I felt wasn’t original enough, or they were written about the trope du jour, and I had nothing else to offer that ten other people hadn’t already done.

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

Sentence style and structure.  I used to do the whole, “He said.”  “In reply, she said.”  “The sky was blue when he rode in.”  And then a few of my better friends (and betas) took me in hand and showed me how to mix it up, chop my comma addiction in half (seriously, I once had a single sentence run on for twelve lines.) and I feel like I get a better grip on characterization.

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

Sex.  I used to write it in everything.  And then the more I wrote, and the older I got, the less I wanted to write it (or read it, or talk about it.)  So I’m a lot more comfortable writing non-sex stories than I used to be.

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

Of course.  I think everyone has, at one point or another.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

Anything I’ve ever abandoned was lack of my own attention, not anything else.  I’m kinda used to not getting a lot of attention.

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

What He Wants.  It’s pretentious wankfic, for a pairing I don’t actually like all that much (Lucius/Harry), and I just feel like everyone loves it way more than it deserves.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

I’m gonna pick on Shoah again, because I feel like it just doesn’t get enough love.  I’m biased, because of how emotionally attached I am to the fic, but I feel like it’s ignored.

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

Wasting The Dawn.  It’s a Magicians fic, and it showcases every character from the show, and I think I did a passable job of hitting every voice.  So I’d be proud to show that one around.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

Would I rewrite it?  Sure.  Would I take down the original?  Um, that’s a little more difficult.  On the one hand, I’m not really ashamed, as such, of anything that I did.  But having two copies of things would get really complicated and onerous.  I might actually start a second pseud, like maybe kelex-originals or something like that, and move the originals over to that, and leave the rewrites on my main, with a link to the original in the notes.  Yeah, that’s probably what I’d do.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

HELL YES.  Mostly because I’m always looking for shinies to read in fandoms I don’t write for.  I also kind of like to read their stuff and get a feel for who they are and why they like what I’ve got.  But mostly, I just love it and it makes me giggle watching someone go through my fics and like EEEE THERE YOU ARE AGAIN.

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

Fucking scads of people, actually.

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

Oh man, I’ve got a fuckton of good ones.  But the one that I always get a kick out of is on one of my Gotham fics, and the comment was along the lines of, the tag mentioned bed-sharing and they thought that was all it was going to be, but it was so much more and they got caught up in it and it was wonderful.  And that’s my favorite (if not the nicest) because I love the fact that I was able to give someone something they enjoyed, even more because it was unexpected!

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

It was a review back in the days of OneList, and I was told that my pencils should be broken and my keyboard taken away because I was a terrible writer.  And yes, I know they meant it.

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

It’s less a concrit and more a crit.  But it’s always, “why did you do X?  It was out of character!” and that makes me grit my teeth.  Mostly because I feel like I’ve always explained, thoroughly, why I’ve done something (whether in dialog, in the writing itself, or heavily implied in monologues), and that question always makes me want to throttle someone because either they didn’t get it, or I didn’t.  

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

Humor.  I’m a sarcastic bitch, and when it’s appropriate (and sometimes when it isn’t), I have funny characters or have characters deadpan things.  And it delights the fuck out of me when someone highlights that as one of their favorite parts.

27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?

Single fandom fics.  I’m not a fan of crossovers, though I’ve written them from time to time, and probably will again if I think it’s appropriate.  I just prefer not to cross the streams, as it were.

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

Good Omens.  Hands down.  So. Many. AUs.  So many ideas.  So many delightful characters.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

It does not.  I read far, far less than I actually write.

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

I usually focus on the new one, however, I’ve occasionally re-visited a fandom after I’ve left it, because inspiration hits me, or I’ve gotten back into it.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

Margo Hanson, from the Magicians.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

There’s a few.  Eliot Waugh, Lex Luthor, Jack O’Neill, the Doctor (9 & 10 mostly)

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

Not really?  Characters and scenes are as long as they need to be.  I do think the quality holds up, though, because honestly, by the time they’re done, I’m done.

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

Not really, or if there was, I don’t remember it.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

Yup.  It snuck in there, especially in the background early on, and by the end I was like, what the fuck, I don’t even ship you, YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE.

36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?

Nope.  If I don’t like a ship, I don’t write it.

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

No.  Not as a writer.  But like, I have written a character saying “I don’t think X belongs with Y, they belong with me!” because that’s pretty much how the actual relationship went down.  (Spike, Buffy, Riley most specifically.)

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

Very, very, very many years ago.  I wrote it just to see if I could.  I could, I did, and I haven’t written it again.

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

No.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

I feel like I put out what I need to.  Is it enough?  idk.

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

AO3 is, hands down, my favorite.  For awhile, I was posting to WWOMB (Wonderful World of Make-Believe) but I’ve stopped there, sadly.

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

Consortio is my most popular fic, and it’s gotten 21,658 hits.  Although the fic is multi-chapter, so I don’t know how to break that down into individual hits. In fact, four of my five most popular are multi-chapters.  The only single-chapter fic is What He Wants, clocking in at 6,743. 

43. Your least popular?

The Rose and the Yew Tree, with 0 hits.

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

Unfortunately, no.

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

Pornography.

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

Diverse as in fandoms?  Yes.  Diverse as in style?  Not so much.

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

I’ve done that before, and I’ve tailored it to the person and what I know they like.  For example, my old boss got me hooked on La Femme Nikita (the Peta Wilson one), and so when she wanted to read my writing, I gave her my LFN fics to read.

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

Yes, and some of them.

49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?

Yes.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

It has had a very significant impact, and no, it hasn’t been at all positive.  Some of my best moments, as well as my worst, are because of fanfic and fandom, but fanfic in particular.  Fic’s brought me close to people, fic’s pushed me away from people, and it’s made people change the way they look at me.

[aboutlouishofmann]

MYP Magazine - Of Time And Truth.

[Original interview here.]

22/07/2019

Interview by Jonas Meyer. Photos by Steven Ludtke

[I skipped the introduction and went straight for the interview]

Jonas:

When the first season of “Dark” was released in December 2017, viewers and critics alike have literally fallen over their enthusiasm. So far, many had not expected such quality from a German production, especially in terms of dramaturgy and visuality. How did you, as a Netflix consumer, experience the series start then?

Louis:

Luckily I’ve been able to enjoy the series as a relatively normal, objective viewer - and that’s true of the current season two. In “Dark” there are several roles and plot-lines, in which my character Jonas does not take part and which I accordingly did not know about from the shooting. During the shoot, I tried anyway to push aside all the other plot-lines and focus only on Jonas Kahnwald. Otherwise, I would probably have gotten pretty confused because the content of the series is so complex.

Jonas:

What is the difference between the current season two and the first one?

Louis:

In Season 1, it’s all about something that happens individually to each character which they have to deal with. In the second season, these characters are much more active, especially Jonas. At the very beginning of the series he is still very passive and in the course of the episodes he has to learn how to handle the issues himself. In the second season, he already knows who he is, what he means and what he needs to do to achieve his goals - and of course, what he has to sacrifice. But all the other characters learn, too, overall, the knowledge of each character acquires in the course of the second season is much larger. In addition, I would say that this second season is also more emotional. Now much more information will be passed on to others which changes their view of the world.

Jonas:

On the platform kino.de there is an episode guide to the first season, in which it is said that a single viewing of the series is not enough to recognize all the contexts and hints: “Often, a short distraction like reaching out to take drink or a look at the clock is enough to miss an important detail." Do you see it the same way?

Louis:

The series is definitely complex, I agree. And with so much information to be conveyed in Season 2 to drive the story forward, this second season may be even more complex than the first one. Jantje Friese and Baran bo Odar have always emphasized that with "Dark” they wanted to create a series that challenged viewers in a certain way. By the way, that did not happen until then in Germany - here one tends to play it safe. After the release of the first season, funnily enough, there were critics on the one hand who said that the series was too complicated. And at the same time there were critics on the other side who complained that we were guiding the audience by the hand way too much.

Jonas:

How did you deal with the high complexity, which is created solely within the character Jonas Kahnwald? Is there always an overview, even if you concentrate only on your own narrative thread?

Louis:

Of course we all lost the thread every now and then. But thank God there is Jantje, who has the complete perspective. She knows down to the last detail how, where, what, and when something happens. During the shooting for the second season, we also had a Script Supervisor, to whom you could always turn. In addition, there were special screens on the set, where you could play the entire first season - in the event that you wanted to look, which specific point refers to a scene for which one is just in front of the camera.

Jonas: Lars Montag, director of the Netflix series “How To Sell Drugs Online (Fast)”, revealed to us in an interview recently that he has the feeling that since Fassbinder there is actually no German narrative anymore. He said: “All are just trying to imitate Hollywood in any way.” Do you think it requires a special German narrative style - just as the Scandinavians, French or English people attributed to their very own cinematic narrative style?

Louis:

Definitely, no. I think we live in times when everyone is trying to make something special. This alone starts up more and more narrative styles. This can be observed even among the Scandinavians, who are said to have a particularly strong stereotype in imagery and narrative style. The reason for this development is that we all talk more and more international - but that does not explicitly mean that we are more Hollywood-oriented. For me, telling an international story means that we can address viewers across countries by means of certain narrative styles and therefore do not have to reduce ourselves to our local schemes.

Of course, it still needs different narrative in film - but not to emphasize the national location, but to be able to address the most diverse types of spectators. Quite apart from that, there is not one big secret recipe of the Hollywood narrative that you have to use to reach out to people. Rather, I believe that it is much easier today to break out of this Hollywood compulsion - simply because the audience has become much more diverse.

Jonas:

The trailer of the second “Dark” opens with a gloomy, post-apocalyptic landscape in which a destroyed nuclear power plant can be seen. Is it  not strange how realistic and quite imaginable such fictional images are when viewed in the context of the current social debate about climate change and impending environmental catastrophes?

Louis:

When talking about the future, there are two main scenarios that seem possible: one is an extremely modern and thriving science-fiction world of flying cars, where everything flashes and shines. The other is just the opposite: a dark scenario in which everything is destroyed - because we humans have destroyed ourselves. In this scenario, nature slowly regains the upper hand and runs us down. With “Dark 2” there was not necessarily the intention to create parallels to this second possible scenario. But it is actually noticeable that these pictures do not seem so unrealistic in this day and age.

Jonas:

You recently appeared in the Arte short film series “Couples” with Dutch actress Hannah Hoekstra. You play a young couple who discusses whether it is appropriate to paint the German flag on one’s face, such as at a game of the national team. He gets mad about it, she does not understand his problem. How do you personally look at this country at the moment?

Louis:

With shame and concern because the most important and threatening topic in the world - climate change - is not taken seriously. There seems to be a kind of change of heart, which is also expressed by the fact that the Greens temporarily lead in the polls. Nevertheless, I always feel stifled when I realize how climate goals are ignored and Germany - which has a certain role model function - fucks it up. I think that’s really sad. I sincerely hope that this green trend will not be short-lived and will continue because we simply have to make sure that this earth is not doomed to destruction in 30 years’ time. When I deal with the predicted, catastrophic consequences of climate change, it scares me. In view of this threatening situation, I do not understand why young politicians are not getting much more involved in Germany. Their job gives them a huge stage! Unfortunately, this stage is only used by the fewest. But now they have the chance to finally speak out truths. But it is only blabbed. If you listen to some of these politicians, you want to shake them and wake them up.

Jonas:

In recent years, you have greatly reduced your social media activity. You could use your popularity and the associated reach to give more space to certain issues in public discourse. Why did you decide to withdraw from the social networks? Don’t you feel like you could’ve made a difference?

Louis:

Of course, with a certain amount of followers and the range involved, it is possible to spread your own opinions and influence those of other people. But for me it has always been difficult to position myself in the social networks on specific political issues. Although it was relatively easy for me in the run-up to the European elections to call with my posts to go to the polls. Otherwise, I’m more careful. I’ve probably missed the chance to tell people my opinions for a long time. By the way, others manage to do really well, which I admire very much. But in my case it was a very selfish decision to delete my Facebook account and withdraw heavily from Instagram.

Jonas:

To what extent?

Louis:

It just did not do me any good. I always had the feeling that I must post something to entertain people. That totally unsettled me and put me under pressure. That’s why I decided to get rid of it. I did not think Facebook was necessary anyway. The decision to stop using Instagram came last year during the shoot for the second season of “Dark”. At that time, I was generally under a lot of pressure. And when there are other components, such as social networks, that add pressure to me, it all got too much. My Instagram account still exists and I post pictures from time to time, but I have to reinstall the app every time because I delete it after each post. In principle, I myself have no access to my Instagram profile. When I want to post something, my girlfriend has to sit beside me because she has the password.

Jonas:

What was the reason that you were so under pressure last year?

Louis:

There has not been any time in my life when I felt more pressure than in 2018 - pressure was my word of the year. That’s because the year before was the craziest and most extreme year I’ve ever experienced, in any way. I have tried to tell myself over and over again, “Louis, 2017 will not be repeated. Take care and get ready! "But I was not ready. 2018 has completely overrun me - due to the extreme expectations, which were suddenly felt from all sides. For the audience, the journalists and the critics, it is a natural fact that you are always good. If you’ve played some good roles, everyone expects you to keep doing your job properly. This matter of course has affected me much more.

Jonas:

How do you feel about seeing yourself on the screen?

Louis:

That’s OK in principle - I really want to see the work I’ve done. But I can really enjoy a movie as a viewer only if I do not have to rate my own work. Overall, I am very critical of myself and therefore quickly dissatisfied. Sometimes I would wish that I am not so hard on myself, because that would make me more free in the way I work. It hampers you a lot when you’re too scared of failure or too much pressure - you realize, pressure is a big issue in my life.

Jonas:

In a few months, the film "Deutschstunde” will start in the cinemas, for which you have taken on a supporting role. In the film adaptation of the novel by the same name by Siegfried Lenz about an expressionist painter, where a prohibition of the profession was imposed by the Nazis in 1943. This repression existed in Germany not only at the time of National Socialism, but also in the former GDR. In some countries, such as China, even today, professional bans are being imposed. How would you react if you were no longer allowed to be an actor?

Louis:

I have never asked myself this question. It makes perfect sense to consider it. I suspect that I have never dealt with the question because here in Germany we are in a very privileged situation where we are allowed to practice what we want as a profession. If that were forbidden, I would be completely at a loss. Acting is what I do best of all activities and what I like to do most. There never was a plan B in my life either - so I would not know what to do with myself.

Jonas:

Can you “not act” as an actor at all?

Louis:

Of course, in everyday life you can stop it. However, every actor is inclined to be a permanently on game, such as with jokes, gestures or certain behaviors. It is easy to express oneself. I believe that in order to give the truth to a person, one must draw truth from oneself. And if you no longer have truths, you can not play them. On the other hand, I have the experience that I always take parts of my characters into my own life or discover new things about myself through them. In other words: through the role, I open a box, which then remains open a bit. As a result, my roles always change a bit for me as well. For example, I feel like through the many sensitive characters that I was allowed to play, I have embraced the sensitive side in myself more - unfortunately I can not find a word in German with which I could better express that. What I mean by that: Had I not played so many sensitive characters, today I would be a sensitive person, but not to the extent that I have become in the end.

Jonas:

Which of your projects has been the most emotionally charged so far?

Louis:

I would say that was “Prélude” by Sabrina Sarabi, which will be released on August 29th. In the film, I play the young piano student David, who suffers from strong self-doubt and feels a huge pressure of expectation - a situation that I can understand very well, as already mentioned. However, with David, he loses control of his life and threatens to break under the pressure.

This movie is the first one I for which I have prepared with a coach. When working with acting coach Frank Betzelt, it was especially about how the energy between the individual characters felt, what these energies wanted and how they influenced the characters. That helped me a lot to dig deep into my role. For example, I have discovered a much greater access to the feeling of anger, mainly to self-rage. I personally did not know that feeling before. Until then, I have never felt the need to be angry, let alone gain access to this emotion.

All in all, during this time I let David’s emotional world come close to me - and literally took it home with me. That put a strain on me not only during preparation and shooting, but also for almost a whole year afterwards.

Jonas:

How exactly?

Louis:

For example, a few months after filming, there was an incident that happened when I was visiting my parents in Cologne with my girlfriend. After watching a couple of episodes of “Babylon Berlin” with Liv Lisa Fries - Liv plays my girlfriend in “Prélude” - I felt an extreme unease in the next morning. I was kind of aggressive and in a bad mood, which kept increasing throughout the day, until I finally just collapsed in the evening. Probably the situation with my parents at home and with my girlfriend on the side gave me such a safe space that I could process all this again. There was apparently no real opportunity to do that before because after the “Prélude” shoot exciting things kept happening. I had the impression that I had dragged this topic for months and only let everything out during my visit in Cologne. But I did not really get rid of it. When I saw the movie for the first time some time later, I was really sad for two or three days and did not know why. So I called Frank Betzelt, who had coached me then. He just asked me one question: “What really bothers you? The fact that you are so sad or that you do not know why you are sad?”

Jonas:

What a clever question!

Louis:

An incredibly smart question! My answer was, “Because I do not know why this is happening to me.” And then Frank said it was fine and I did not have to fight it. The reason for this is that I have grown so fond of the character and thereby experienced the suffering of this young artist even more intensely. We talked about it for a while - and after that phone call it was OK.

Jonas:

Kat Frankie, a singer-songwriter living here in Berlin, wrote the interesting sentence: “People that write sad songs are a little happier.” Is that similar to actors who play sad roles?

Louis:

You can say that the other way around too - look at Robin Williams, who was hilarious in his roles, but must have been extremely sad in his private life and finally took his own life. Basically, I think that actors who play a lot of melancholic roles, also need a certain fascination. And if you have that fascination in general, you have it when you’re not acting as well.

Jonas:

If you ignore the expectations of other people: What is your own claim to yourself?

Louis:

I have a very high standard of myself and I am extremely ambitious.

Jonas:

That means you’re also prone to criticism?

Louis:

I’m trying not to be that. It’s a bit strange to me anyway: I’m really excited about criticism and sometimes find it strange when there’s none at all - especially when I know for sure that there’s something to criticize. At the same time, it is not so easy for me to handle criticism when it is actually voiced, especially if it comes from myself. I wish that was easier.

Jonas:

Are you someone who takes things from peers?

Louis ( smiles ):

Off or on? No, seriously, I think you have to make sure that you can focus on your own work and not get too confused by the hype that is often justified by some of your colleagues. But I also think it’s just right as an actor to keep your eyes open and to be inspired by what’s being done elsewhere. But we should all be in this world anyway, no matter if actor or not.

[seyaryminamoto]

3 months till Gladiator's 7th birthday. How will you celebrate? You must've grown a lot writing it. How's it feel to recall the girl who wrote the older chapters? Lots of readers and supporters come and go, which used to bug you, but not anymore as you kept going, so its not just feedback driving you. Escapism? Purpose? You made so much of one idea, as if you're daydreaming about gladiators while waiting for the bus, then "BAM!" a mega fanfic is born!

Well, if you truly wish to know how it will be celebrated, I have been working on a new onslaught of artworks, this time of around half the arcs that Part 2 is comprised by (up to The Fire Lord’s Shadow arc, I believe). So... more art! At least, hopefully xD It won’t be easy, of course, but I’ve already gotten started with the sketches and I’m still around 3 months away, like you said... it better be enough time :’D

And yeah, I’ve grown a lot, though probably not in the ways I originally thought I would. The girl who wrote the first chapters was definitely much happier and innocent and confident in ways she didn’t realize she was. I suspect reading the Author’s Notes I used to make back then, and comparing them to the more recent ones, would reveal that. I was a little more hyperactive and enthusiastic, now I’m pretty much jaded? I’ve literally gone through the entirety of college while writing this behemoth of a fanfic :’D a slightly insane notion, yet it’s something I was walking into with my eyes fully open. I remember a conversation I had with a friend once, ages ago, where she asked me if I was seriously committed and ready to do this, because it was going to be a huge story, it would take ages to finish it, and a lot of people would come and go, I might even end up wanting to toss the fandom into a void halfway through the story (she was spot-on about everything, too! :’D), but I told her I knew all those things and I was ready to face it.

Truth was, I wasn’t all that ready? But I still faced it anyhow, and here I am regardless.

Escapism definitely has something to do with it. As most people know, I’m not exactly living it up, my country is determined to get worse and worse with each passing day and nothing seems to improve. From the very moment I decided to write more seriously, a decision I reached when I was 14-15, escapism was a HUGE reason why I was doing it. I was pretty much writing power fantasies, stories about people who wouldn’t have to struggle with ANY of what I had to struggle with. All of it so I could sort of live through those characters, experience what they experienced, because I knew that as long as I was here, I’d never have a chance to have the lives they would.

Gladiator isn’t quite as blatant in its escapist purposes as that story was, because there’s much more going on in it than just that... but I certainly feel better about life when I can focus on this crazy tale and not let the horrific, chaotic world we live in get to me. I know Gladiator is likely to only ever remain a fanfic, and I’m perfectly happy with that (the more I think of it, the less I want to file off its serial numbers), because it was the culmination of my early experiences as a writer and content creator. Everything I’d learned before any of you even knew I existed, I’ve put to work in this story. And while the result isn’t flawless, I’ve done everything in my power to give my very best to Gladiator, and I know I’ll keep doing that in the future.

A lot has changed since I got started, and I sure wasn’t ready for all of it. Some things I took for granted, and then found they weren’t at all as stable and certain as I thought they would be. I’ve made decisions that have alienated readers, but just as they’re free to come and go, I’m free to write whatever I want to write. And that, incidentally, is the one thing that hasn’t changed since I got started here: this IS the story I want to write, has been since the moment that idea possessed me on one crazy night in March 2013, and my resolve to do exactly that has stayed strong, despite all the obstacles I’ve faced (beyond the known emotional baggage, I’ve gone through three laptops since this story began? Two chargers that stopped working for no reason? One battery died?? And yet I kept going like a madwoman because I HAD TO!).

It’s funny that you brought up daydreaming gladiators on a bus... maybe you mentioned it because I explained that’s how OoPB came to me, in the middle of a bus ride xD my first ATLA fic indeed found its beginning that way. Gladiator, though, came from an idea offered to me by chaosconetic, an user in FF.net. He had been watching documentaries about gladiators of ancient Rome, and he suggested that idea in case I had nothing else to write.

At first I just thanked him and kept crying about The Reason because that’s what I had in mind at the time. But a month later, the idea returned to me, like I said, when I was about to go to bed... and the possibilities blew me away. The starting point, Sokka being captured in the south, had been chaosconetic’s original idea... I, of course, decided to complicate things by making Azula do the capturing :’) A lot of my early, dismissed ideas for Gladiator were kind of cringeworthy, I think I’ve mentioned some of them before... but it might be fun to say that there were two things set in stone from very early on: the end of Part 1, as in, the big fight that leads Sokka and Azula to finally take their relationship to the next level, and the end of Part 2... which I won’t go into for obvious reasons xD The end of Part 2, I’ve mentioned before, has a slightly subtle nod in chapter 2: the only reason I could add it so early is, indeed, because I came up with it that early x’D and that’s the evidence that I’m not talking out of my ass here! (Though if I ever lie and claim I planned Part 3 from the start you are all welcome to call me out on my bullshit, because that one’s been a very slow and complicated plotting process that is STILL being finalized nowadays).

I guess for a lot of people, Gladiator is just another fic, just another story out of thousands, heck, millions, that you might find on any given fanfiction site. There’s bound to be a fair share of people who are absolutely uninterested in it (if such people follow me on here I have no idea how they’ve endured me for all these years, frankly, and I don’t envy them one bit), there’s bound to be people who are disillusioned by what it turned out to be. But even when I know all this, this story is really something out of the ordinary for me. My guideline as a writer has always been to write stories I feel passionately about, and Gladiator is without a doubt the one I’ve been most passionate about, ever.

So, if there’s one thing I’d absolutely say to the innocent, bright-eyed, not-jaded Seyary who didn’t know the full extent of what she was getting into... it’s that, no matter the strife she’s still due to endure, she made the right choice by pursuing this story as far as she has, and to never let anyone tell her otherwise.

[done-mer-moved]

i Also don't know ur OCs but: 1, 4, 5, 8, 15, 22, 23, 24, 25, 33, 42, 50, 54, 56, 61, 73, and 78 please? -drunkmiraak

[[LKdghlkj sorry this took so long!! I got super sick so it sat half-done in my drafts for 84 years. @drunkmiraak]]

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

So, while I’ve got half a billion OCs by technicality, my main idiot is Azaryne Redoran who takes the role of the Vestige in the ESO story I write with @sinnaroll by the name of Soulbound. (Ima also just casually pass on these questions for her to answer in reply for D'tannen, who is the other main character in this thingy so you can get to know him too!)

Thank you so much for asking!! Here we gooooo~!

1. What is/are your OC’s nickname(s) and how did it come about?

Az’s main nickname is the self-explanatory name shortening from “Azaryne” to “Az”. But D'tannen has kinda stuck on jabbing him with “pretty boy” to the point where it’s basically a nickname lol 

Also, in-game plot reasons dictate that the Five Companions also know him by “Vestige”, much to his dismay. It’s what the Scrolls named him by, so the Prophet tends to slip and refer to him that way, and the others kinda do too by proxy for a while. However, after Az makes it clear that he’s really uncomfortable with it, Lyris and Sai specifically make a point not to call him that.

4. What is a noticeable physical attribute of your OC?

So I memed twice earlier before I got to these questions lasdgkh gomen, but my goofier answers are Dorito Shape and Resting Trouble Face

But more seriously, one of his major notable physical features is that he’s pretty much covered in tattoos from his neck down past his waist and starting down his legs. They’re being redesigned from scratch right now because I can’t ever allow myself to have characters that can be adequately represented in game i guess lmfao but here’s the in-game tattoos with some photo-editing for an earlier visual draft on where they might cut off—

It’s a total personal headcanon but I decided that since the in-game body marking style was pretty clearly influenced by Maori-style kiriituhi, that Az’s tattoos are also highly significant in a similar way. Each piece symbolizes or connects to either his ancestry, or his own life and skills and milestones. His designs weren’t finished, but have the indication of where they were meant to continue as he hit new points in his life. Unfortunately, since his life was cut so short, that’s as far as they ever get.

On a lighter note, he also has pretty big ears?? Lmao

5. What does your OC normally wear? What would your OC wear on a special night?

He likes clothes that are comfortable but flattering. He knows what his assets are and enjoys looking well-dressed – a bit of a remnant from his previous life as a noble. 

He tends to favor sleeveless tops and cool-colored fabrics with neutral accents. He particularly likes blues of all shades, and some purples. He’ll also occasionally wear red. On his travels he wears leather armor that fits within these features, and notably has a Khajiiti-style jack because he liked the aesthetic of it when he saw the style in a tailor’s display. 

When he’s dressing up, he’ll wear more flowing robe-like attire. He had more reason to do so while he was alive, and at the time it was usually specifically Dunmeri cultural clothing. Over the course of Soulbound, he only dresses up the once so far for a date with Sinna. That takes place in Orsinium, so it’s Orcish formal wear. 

Even if the situation’s not a fancy one, though, he’ll usually still wear kohl eyeshadow, which D’tannen gives him shit for, of course lol.

8. How does your OC talk/what does your OC’s voice sound like?

Az’s voice is light, crisp, warm and friendly. It’s between tenor and baritone in range, and the expected Dunmeri accent. He’s well spoken, and you can tell he’s well educated, but his phrasing isn’t snobbish or condescending, and there’s a firm sort of sincerity to his speech, even when he’s being playful.

15. What was your OC’s childhood like?

Az’s childhood was a little complicated in that it came with a great deal of privilege, but also a great deal of expectation. He was noble-born— the eldest son of House Redoran’s Archmaster— so before he was even old enough to have an awareness of the world, his parents had already decided many things about his future. 

In spite of both this and the constant pressure of the Redoran philosophy that “a light, careless life is not worth living”, Az had an untamable spirit that continuously tried his parents’ patience. As a child, his impulsivity, tendency to bend the rules, and headstrong defiance on points he fundamentally disagreed with led to frequent discipline, and a particularly strained relationship with his father.

Over time, he begrudgingly learned to play by the rules, but would still disappear from time to time for brief moments of freedom. 

He had two younger siblings— Eralane and Meril, and they had very close and loving relationships with each other. Az always did his bes to see right by them, so they felt safe in knowing that he would always have their backs. They didn’t ever keep much from him, as a result, and Meril specifically often looked up to him as a role model.

By the time he was fourteen, he’d been arranged into a political betrothal to solidify clan relations within the House, and it was decided that the two would be married in 16 years when they were both fully grown adults. Neither he nor his intended fiancée were really comfortable with this, but even as young as they were, they knew it was a sticky situation far bigger than just the two of them. So, they quickly established that, future aside, they didn’t feel entitled to each other’s feelings. They would both rather have a straightforward, honest friendship than try to force things between them. 

Because of this, there was no tension when other chemistries developed in later years. Instead, they continued to ignore their inevitable marriage, and turned their performative date nights into formally-dressed vent and gossip sessions. Using the expectations put upon them to their advantage as they got older, they also happily became each other’s alibi when either of them needed time away with other people.

22. Who is/are your OC’s closest friend(s)?

Since arriving back on Tamriel, he’s been shuffling company a lot on his journeys. He’s also pretty introverted, despite being fairly socially adept. He doesn’t have any real connections from his previous life anymore, but has met many people and made casual friends and positive acquaintances with a solid chunk of new ones.

In terms of more serious friendships, D’tannen is honestly the closest, which is kind of incredible honestly laksdhg. But, they travel with each other day in and day out, so there’s a tight bond there that’s developing fast.

He’s also particularly attached to Irvane, who was his first friend since coming back to Nirn.

23. Who are the people your OC surrounds him/herself with?

Along the same lines as I just said above, he’s never in one place for very long right now, so he is constantly around new people. His kind heart and need for hands-on activity means he tends to gravitate toward people he can help in some way or another. His empathy and sense of honor do most of the weeding. He’d rather be around someone who has shown good intentions, even if they are rough around the edges, than someone who rests on the laurels of past deeds and judges others against themselves.

24. Who are the people your OC dislikes/hates?

It’s pretty damn hard to make this list, at least if you have any sort of good bone in your body. He’s really very empathetic and patient, and will forgive so quickly once he feels amends have been made that it’s honestly gotten him into trouble.

But, even with that said, he’s got some strong resentments for some strong reasons… Notably: Mannimarco and his Worm Cult, ol’ Molag Bal himself, and pretty much anyone who allies with them… Malacus is another name that quickly finds its way on the list under “kill unflinchingly” as he becomes closer with D’tannen.  

25. If your OC has a soulmate, who is it?

oh my god im so sorry this joke is just right here its too easy to grab i can’t help myself – 

Doesn’t a soulmate require… a soul…? 

33. What subjects interested your OC?

He’s always done whittling as a hobby, so he’s currently kinda advancing on that in woodcarving. Since he was also trained in maintaining and repairing his own weapons and armor in life, that’s carried over into an interest in actually crafting weapons on his own. He does wind up making his own bow way later on, and even spends a bit of time with the Morkul Orcs in the Orsinium arc learning to do some metalwork.

42. What makes your OC happy?

He’s very attached to his dog Blackjack, and the mutt can always seem to pick him up when he’s otherwise faltering. He loves whittling and tends to carve little objects to occupy his mind. Complicatedly, D’tannen makes him happy as well, lol. 

He also tends to have moments where he finds happiness in specific things, but the emotion related feels strange or misplaced. When this happens, it’s usually because whatever he’s experiencing— a particular sight or smell or flavor— is something that ties directly to a positive memory he’s lost from his life before. A sort of unwitting-nostalgia that’s hard to pinpoint or replicate.

As a general rule, he’s pretty easily contented. He lives very much in the moment, which combined with his adaptability and natural optimism, means that he’s usually able to find some small spark of cheer for himself anywhere he goes. He’s always wanted the freedom of life as an adventurer, so if circumstances were different, this would honestly be an ideal life for him. However, it’s pretty dampened by the stress of current events, along with the nagging restless and hollow feeling of having lost his soul.

50. What secrets does your OC have?

This is a bit of a tricky one. He’s not a super open person, but he also doesn’t like to lie to cover things up. However, there are many things about his life at present that he finds he has to dance around giving knowledge of. In some ways, the very nature of his current existence is something he keeps tucked away. It’s not very easy to explain to anyone, so he’s grateful that for the majority of the people he interacts with, direct questions never really come up.

In the second act of Soulbound, however, after he becomes very close with Sinna, Sinna asks him directly for his story. He dodges it for quite some time before finally giving him the details, but he’s kind of nervous at that point to state it. He doesn’t know how Sinna might react. But, he lays it out on the table anyway: He’s not truly alive. He’s what remained of himself after he was sacrificed by cultists to Molag Bal. His soul was stolen, and he has only vague pieces of memories from when he lived. And now, he’s been prophesied to assist in stopping a daedric invasion. 

Sinna’s response was heartfelt. But, nobody could blame him for the fact that all he could manage for a brief moment after listening was “Wild….”

54. Does your OC think with his/her head or heart?

Heart… His upbringing tried its best to instill an ability to detach for the sake of duty, but honestly, he’s never been able to. Even when he knows there’s no way he can avoid a difficult situation, and is able to approach it tactically, emotion will be gnawing at him all the while, and he’ll be completely staunch on the things he believes the most if those interfere with the “logical” course of action.

56. What are some of your OC’s strengths?

He’s honestly got a wide range of skills in a lot of ways. He’s a highly skilled archer, and has a very well-rounded set of combat and survival skills that have been hardwired into him since a very young age. He’s also got a great sense of aesthetics, which he likes to express in woodworking and whittling when he can. He’s intelligent, but a lot of his skill specifically in emotional/social intelligence comes from his powerful empathy, and how dramatic swings of circumstances in his life have given him many perspectives to draw from, even subconsciously through the massive amnesia he struggles with. He’s incredibly adaptable. He’s intensely loyal, courageous, and firmly optimistic even through the worst circumstances. He’s got an incredibly strong character to him, and it tends to be both charming and inspiring, even when he doesn’t recognize that he’s producing these effects himself.

61. What is the general impression your OC gives other people?

Honest. Empathetic and selfless. Good-natured, down to earth, and a bit wild-spirited. Patient, incredibly forgiving. Helpful. Playfully charming. A protector. A defender of good.

73. What is your OC’s favorite form of entertainment?

He likes art, stories, nature, animals, and adventure. Crafting from time to time as well.

78. What is your OC’s favorite time of day?

Late morning. The point in the day when you’re up and awake and setting off. The whole day lies in wait before you, and you’re ready to meet it