#2021 year end fic review

[msbigredmachine]

Sugar & The Chief - A Roman Reigns One-Shot

Reader is a best-selling erotic author reflecting on the success of her newest novel, which is based on her secret affair with the man who became her muse.

PAIRING: Roman Reigns x OC

Warning: A LOT of smut

Word count: 5.7k 

A/N: I started this goddamn fic in late 2021! 😭 I'm so glad it's finally out. This one is a little different and I hope you enjoy!

--------------------------

It took you approximately three years to finish it. At first, you didn't want to, because through the smoke of mirrors of the raunchy literature was hands down the most personal piece you’ve ever done. But your team insisted that you go through with it. Your publicist Sheree told you it was one of the best works she’s ever read. On top of that, the dividends from your last book were starting to dry up, so you didn’t have that much of a choice.

You finally relented, and soon after it was published, the novel exploded. Your rabid readers had been waiting impatiently for your next offering and they gobbled it up. Your face and the novel were all over social media, TV, magazines and even on the huge Times Square billboard just down the road from your multi-million dollar penthouse in the Upper East Side. It wasn’t long before you were doing interviews and signing autographs in bookstores, malls and libraries all around the country. You were scheduled to be in London, Paris and Madrid next month promoting the book. It was a comeback for the ages.

And you had him to thank for that.

Sugar & the Chief was an erotic tale about an intense love affair that ended in disaster. Critics viewed it as Fifty Shades of Grey with better writing and much better sex and found the protagonist, Erica, relatable and three-dimensional. Erica was an ambitious albeit mentally unstable escort in an illicit relationship with Roman, a married Hollywood superstar she codenamed ‘the Chief’. This wasn’t your bland Mills & Boon romance tale...This was so smutty and so nasty you couldn’t read the first few paragraphs without wanting to masturbate thanks to Roman and Erica’s graphic sexual antics. It was so detailed that some theorists believed the Chief was based on a real person. When asked about who ‘Roman’ was, you played him off as a completely fictional character. No one needed to know the true identity of your muse. But you were one hundred percent sure that if he read this book, he would know it was about him. After all, you had incorporated some real-life dialogue between you in the novel. Without a doubt, he would know. You wondered, not for the first time, what his thoughts were if he had indeed read it.

Your fans did not hesitate to relay their own thoughts. Tonight, you were busy reading quite a number of them. Sheree had collated readers’ reviews, emails and feedback and sent them to you for your entertainment. Each one had you smiling from ear to ear. Women from all walks of life gushed about Erica and Roman. Housewives, attorneys, college students, septuagenarians, book club members; all of them had something to say and you felt all warm and fuzzy inside to know you still had it, that the magic hadn’t left your pen yet. Of course, they all wanted to know who the Chief was. They were so impressed with how he fucked you, dominated you and yet doted on you…They all wanted a man like him.

They all love you so much, Leati…just like I loved you…love you…

Closing your MacBook, you stood up from your desk with a smile. You stared out the ceiling-to-floor window and kept sipping from your Olivia Pope-sized glass of red wine, sinking deeper into your thoughts. 

Truth be told, you should have known better than to fall in love with Joe Anoa’i. Your first meeting all those years ago on a week-long vacation should have ended on the island between the soft rumpled sheets of his bed. What happened in Hawaii should have stayed in Hawaii. But then, you couldn’t stop gravitating to him and he couldn’t stop gravitating to you. You went running whenever he called and he came running whenever you called. It was wild, passionate, addicting, exciting…too good to last, really. And it wasn’t long before the fantasy came crumbling down. 

So many factors came into play. The demands of his job as the face of WWE. The meteoric level of his fame. And then, his discovery of your coke habit, your discovery of his wife Nicole and his three children, your increasing jealousy, his decreasing interest in you. After five tempestuous years, your relationship came to a bitter end, and the difficult healing process put an end to the writer’s block you’d been suffering from for a while. 

You missed him deeply, and wished the dull ache in your heart would go away. As morally questionable as it had all been, what you experienced with him needed to happen to every woman at least once in her lifetime - indulging in forbidden fruit and all the delicious things that came with it; the danger, the thrill of secrecy, the earth-shattering sex, the emotions of love, lust, possession, and of course, the inevitable pain and heartbreak…

You captured all of that in Sugar.

------------------

Chapter 22

Erica pushed the button, shuddering out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. The elevator doors clunked closed and the cables began to whir. She ascended, floor by floor. Light goosebumps littered over her arms as she was filled with a morbid mix of dread and anticipation.

Their big fight from three weeks ago kept playing over and over in her head like some kind of evil loop. He didn't want to leave Gaelle for her and she'd taken her frustrations out on him. However, after what she'd just discovered, he was going to have to change his mind. Because of him, she had broken the ultimate rule in this treacherous line of work. This little game between them has been turned on its head, and tonight was the last time she would play by his rules.

The door opened before she knocked, and she felt her pussy purr involuntarily as they locked eyes. That big, sexy ass body of his leaned against the doorframe, his huge arms crossed over his equally huge chest. His dampened long hair flowed past his shoulders, and he smelled fresh, like he'd just had a shower. It didn't matter how long they'd been apart for; he always took her breath away every time she saw him.

"Well? You gon' stand there or you comin' in?" he sassed, that smooth country-boy drawl of his making her body temperature rise. Shaking it off, she walked through the door, right past him and into the open layout of his new, lavish penthouse, the night lights illuminating her brown skin through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows.

"Nice place," she commented, looking around with mild interest. He had found another hideaway where he could fuck around behind his wife's back. It didn't matter, because Gaelle was never going to leave him no matter what he did and he knew it. She could feel him trailing behind her, his bare feet moving catlike and silent on the cool hardwood floor. He had a prescence like no other, that was why he was the biggest movie star in the world today. And you so happened to be the mistress of the biggest movie star in the world today.

"Champagne?" he offered.

"No, I'm fine," she answered, her crossed arms pushing up her already generous cleavage. Roman's gaze longingly raked over the A-line trench coat concealing her curves, traveling down to the sinful looking high heels adorning her feet. Her hair fell in luscious, tempting waves down her shoulders. A deliberate move, surely, as she knew he loved her hairstyles down. His dick hardened as he imagined bending her over, pulling her tresses and spanking that fat, juicy ass of hers as he pounded--

"I'm not stayin' long, so talk." Her statement yanked him out of his lurid daydream.

"You got all dressed up for me, beautiful," he asked, scanning her up and down again.

"Not everything's about you, Roman," she scoffed.

Not her giving him more lip. He would do something about that later. "I called you a buncha times last week but you didn't pick up. You left my texts on read," he accused with narrowed eyes. "You ignored me."

Erica tilted her chin, her stance defiant. "And why does that surprise you?"

He raised an eyebrow at her biting response and chuckled at her audacity. Sugar was quite the firecracker and honestly, he couldn't get enough. Walking towards her, he smirked as he caught on to her struggle to keep her eyes on him and not on his thick dick print, clear as day in his gray sweatpants. He reached out and rubbed her arm with his hand before tugging her closer to him.

"Sweetheart, don't ever ignore me again. Especially when you know that pussy belongs to me."

"Does it? Funny, I thought I was 'just another pricey whore'. Did you forget you said that to me?"

He rolled his eyes with a huff. "Sometimes I say shit I don't mean, baby girl, you know how it is."

Taken aback by his dismissive, nonchalant attitude, she yanked her arm away. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? After everything we've been through? That shit was foul as fuck!" she said incredulously.

"I know. That's why I texted you to come over so I could apologize in person, but you refused to answer me. I hate it when you shut me out, Erica."

"You shut me out, too! For weeks! And now that you're bored you summon me like I'm your fuckin' toy. I am not your toy, Roman! I don't give a damn that you're a Hollywood star, there's plenty of other A-listers out there who will take care of me and not treat me like shit."

"And yet, you come back to me every time," he pointed out, the smug curl of his lip just as panty-wetting as the rest of him. "None of your other clients take care of you like I do, make you feel the way I do. That's why you dropped 'em all, for me."

Erica started to retort but stopped herself, realizing that this was in fact, the truth. But she'd be damned if she let him have the last laugh. "Ya know what? This was a mistake. I should go. I had something to tell you but I dunno why I even bothered to come here."

She turned around but he grabbed her before she could go far, drawing her back to him. Seeing her getting worked up always seemed to fuel his desire for her. The angrier she was, the hotter the sex, and he was horny as fuck for her right now.

"Look at you, gettin' all riled up," he drawled, his tone tinged with amusement. "I love it when you're mad, that shit turns me on, baby."

This man was as infuriating as he was sexy. "Fuck you! Everything is a joke to you!"

"This feel like a joke right here?" he demanded, snatching her hand and pressing it against his throbbing length. The little whimper she let out as she cupped him sealed her fate.

"Feel that? Feel what you do to me?" His voice was rough and needy, matching the look in his eyes. "I need you, Erica. It's been weeks and I've been goin' fuckin' crazy without you."

"Go home to your wife, then," she bit back with a lot less conviction than she aimed for. The pull was much too strong, quite literally too as he wrapped both arms around her slender waist, his face nuzzling her neck and making her hiss as his soft beard tickled her skin.

"She don't make me feel like you do." His voice was needy and almost pathetic as his mouth pressed her throat. "Let me make it up to you, baby. I wanna kiss you. Can I kiss you?" His tongue was warm, his breath hot and heavy on her skin, and her arousal flared against her will.

"Roman..."

"Come on, baby, kiss me," he murmured, his lips sliding over hers. It was a slow but deliberate assault, and Erica felt her body yield as a soft gasp escaped from her. She sagged against him, gripping his shoulders for balance as their mouths smacked oh so sensually together. Fuck, she missed this, missed his delicious kisses and his assured touch as he grabbed her round, fleshy ass, kneading and caressing in his hands and pressing himself harder against her.

Roman growled softly as he released her mouth, his tongue snaking out to lick his lips as his eyes flitted down to her chest. "Take your clothes off," he commanded.

Wordlessly, Erica's hands slid over the leather belt on her waist to slowly unbuckle it. Then, she opened up her coat, eased it off her shoulders and let it fall to the ground, leaving her in nothing, absolutely nothing, but her heels. Roman's darkened orbs blazed to an onyx black as they scanned her naked body, drinking in every smooth, delicate, voluptuous curve. Grabbing her by the waist, he backed her up against the nearest wall, his hardened dick straining against her exposed center. A shiver ran through her as he crashed his mouth back to hers, his huge hand squeezing her throat briefly before tracing the valley between her breasts, and she finally let go of the groan she was holding back as his hand came in contact with the intimate spot between her thighs.

"Damn..." he smirked as he found nothing but wetness, pushing his palm against the slick mound and sliding his fingers along her slit. She moaned in response, her hands gripping his tattooed bicep as his thick finger pushed into her, her pussy quivering around the digit as he thrust it at a maddeningly steady pace.

"Mmm-hmm you like this, don't you baby?" he said, nipping at her bottom lip, coaxing yet another moan from the back of her throat as he slipped a second finger home with deep, languid thrusts. She whimpered helplessly, her vision blurring as her walls dripped and tightened around the invading digits. Her forehead dropped onto his chest, battling to hold on to her sanity. "Fuck..."

Buoyed by her whines and soft cries, he pumped his fingers more earnestly, hissing softly when her walls rippled around them again, signaling her end. "You 'boutta come already, huh? I told you this my pussy. Squeeze my fingers Erica, come for me."

Damn him and his ability to control her with just his touch. Her eyes squeezed shut, and her shout of pleasure came from somewhere inside her soul as she spasmed uncontrollably. She could hear his triumphant snicker as her juices flooded his fingers, brushing his mouth against hers as she leaned into him to regain her tenuous balance. He scooped the round, soft flesh of her breast into his eager palm, with his other hand leaving her pussy to suck her juices, humming pleasantly at the familiar sweet taste.

"Remember what I told you in my text?" he breathed, his gaze trained expectantly on her.

"Mm-hmm."

"Tell me," he insisted, now massaging both her breasts. "Tell me what I said to you. I made you a promise. What was it?"

Erica fought through the thick haze of passion to recall his exact words from the raunchy text message. "You promised to make me come at least three times before we ever make it to the bed," she recounted.

Roman smiled smugly, satisfied with her response. "Uh huh. And Daddy always keeps his promises, don't he? That was the first. Two more to go. Now, let me show you around my new crib."

He showed her around, alright. First, on the plush sectional in the living room area, with her on her back and her head hanging off the edge as he slowly thrust his dick in and out of her mouth. She let his groans wash over her as her jaw relaxed to take more of his intimidating length down her throat. Even upside down, her gag reflex was superb, so each time he thrust inside her, her tongue lapped at the base of his cock, soaking his balls with her spit. Willing to give as much as he was receiving, he leaned forward and rubbed her clit in quick circular motions, making her moan around his cock with the vibrations causing his neck to extend, looking up to the ceiling as pleasure licked his spine.

"Unnnh fuck, suck my dick, take it all down your throat, baby," he encouraged her, sliding his other hand over her breast and toying with her nipple, all while fucking her face. His knees weakened at the sight of his length bulging her throat, she always knew how to take him well. "Shit, Sugar, you look so fuckin' hot like this..."

Erica moaned again through her stuffed throat, waves of heat washing over her as her pussy pulsated beneath the pleasure of his long thick fingers. In all her time under the bright lights and the seedy bowels of Hollywood, she had never been captivated by any one human being. Until him. Their escort-client relationship had long since grown into something more. She had given up on resisting him and let him do anything he wanted to her in bed. But tonight she craved some semblance of control, and this time, his famed charms would not stop her from getting it.

Pushing him away so he slipped out of her mouth, she sat up straight and tugged him onto the massive couch with her. Straddling his hips as he sat up, she placed one hand on his barrel-like shoulder while using the other to curl her fingers around his pulsing dick. He groaned and bucked his hips as she flicked the head of his dick along her slit just to torture him a little. Then guided him against her opening and slid down.

The moment felt heavy and tense, like a tightly twined coil as her wetness opened up for him. At the end of her slow descent, she stopped to adjust to all the emotions and sensations wracking both their bodies. Unconsciously rocking her hips into him, she gasped as the pressure immediately started to build. Their hands and mouths were all over each other. Roman ran his hands up and down her back, rubbed her tits, squeezed her ass. Erica raked her nails over his nipples, sucked on his neck, bit his shoulder. Fuck, it felt so damn good already. Ass rested comfortably on his thighs, chest to naked chest with his dick lodged inside her, it was clear they were not going to last very long.

Leaning back slightly on her other hand placed on his thigh, she began to ride him. Slow and steady at first, making him absorb every drop of her ass, every crevice, every sensation. The lust and pleasure consumed them both, their mouths colliding with hot, sloppy kisses, her moans pitching higher as the tension thickened. His own groans grew heavier and gruffer, his hands leaving her hips to slide underneath her ass and lift her up and down. Exquisite torture, with his strong grip on her making her wet pussy take every inch of him. The angles of his upward thrusts as he bounced her on his dick had her making noises like a bitch in heat. He was so snug and warm and deep inside her, it was as though she could feel him in her soul.

"Oh my fuckin' god," she half-groaned, half-cried, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his neck as he bounced her even harder. Up, down, up, down. His dick stretched her walls, his fingers deep into her ass cheeks enough to leave a bruise or two. The dizzying sensations spiraled her into another orgasm, and she sat all the way down on his dick and rolled her ass desperately, literally riding out her nut. She couldn't stop herself from biting into his sweaty, salty skin as she came, making the big man growl in reaction and smack her ass hard.

"That's your second nut," he declared.

He flipped her onto her back, still deep inside her. He looked down at her with hungry, blown pupils, letting his hands dance along the meat of her thighs and her calves. Throwing her legs onto his shoulders, he leaned forwards, folding her in two as he fucked her into the couch. Her hands clawed the back of his head only for him to grab them and pin them above her head. The sweat clung to their skins as he steeled his thighs and grinded himself into her wet heat, his face lowering to suck both of her nipples into his mouth, his tongue swirling around each peaked bud. Her groans snowballed with his groans as he drove his dick impossibly deep inside her with primal intensity. When she managed to speak, her voice was unrecognizable. "Oh fuck, I'm coming," she moaned hoarsely, her toes curling behind his head as she exploded again, "Oh my god, Roman, ohhh..."

"I'm 'bout to come too, don't fuckin' move," he panted, holding her down to piston his hips and pound into her. Erica basked in the sound of his tortured groan when his big body tensed up and she felt him pour into her warm confines, his hips stuttering as he found sweet release.

"Got you to three quicker than I expected," he said when he caught his breath, kissing her cheek. "We just gettin' started, baby. I'ma remind you why this pussy is mine."

He gave her an up close and personal view of the city's remarkable skyline, her breasts crushed against the glass window as his juicy lips ravaged her from behind. She could only imagine how she looked right now. Her legs wide, ass spread open, her battered pussy wet and swollen and pulsing for more of his oral onslaught. Nobody ate her out the way he did, with so much passion, covering all the bases, her clit, her inner lips, and even her asshole. The warmth of his breath had her walls clenching as he licked and sucked and kissed everywhere, painting her slickness with his spit. The relief she felt as he finally detached his mouth from her center and got off his knees was replaced with his heavy cock tapping her pussy lips before breaching her entrance with the thick girth. Each thrust dragged her sensitive nipples across the cool, hard surface of the glass, but Erica was so lost in the moment that she didn't care.

"Mmmph, fuck me, baby, fuck my pussy," she exhaled another pining moan, her nails scraping against the glass where he had ordered her to place her hands. Her mouth fell open when he slapped her backside, that deliciously dangerous dick of his pounding into her in full view of the bright lights of Los Angeles. His dick slid in deeper and deeper, his hips circling each time he was buried inside her, making her knees buckle as her climax inched ever closer. She tried to speak again, but words failed her, reducing her to a whimpering, shivering mess as her pussy clenched greedily around his dick. Roman merely chuckled arrogantly, reveling in his handiwork.

"You sound so fuckin' sexy, baby girl, keep moaning for me like that," he purred, his hands clamped on her shapely hips to make her take his lethal strokes. He was a man on a mission, punishing her for assuming she had any sort of control over him. Tears sprang to her eyes as he slowed down his thrusts, his pelvis mashed up against her soft backside as his cock worked inside the sensitive walls of her pussy with a more tender rhythm. He filled her with stroke after long stroke, making them both moan as she squirted all over him this time, her orgasm breaking her into a million pieces.

He showed her the stripper pole next to his bed. He had it installed specially for her, he said, so she could show off her elite lap dancing skills for him and him alone. Watching that itty-bitty waist and all that ass bounce on his dick like her rent was due would be the end of him; He couldn't resist massaging the soft cheeks in his palm, one after the other as she gyrated back and forth on him like a professional.

"Uh huh, go off, baby, pop that pussy on my dick," he drawled from his spot on the pouf he lounged on, his sturdy thighs spread wide apart to give her all the space she needed to ride and grind while she held onto the pole for balance. He watched the streaks of his cum trickle down her gyrating ass, and it made for quite the visual, slapping against the mixture of her juices smothered over his groin. He rubbed in the remnants of his seed on her cheeks, biting his lip as the skin glistened and made her big booty look even bigger. "Mmm, damn baby, this pussy so good, I should throw a dollar at your fine ass..."

"Fuck!" Erica had the pole in a death grip as yet another orgasm rocked her body. She had to get off his dick because she was shaking so hard. The tremors had her mewling pitifully as she bent over, gifting him with the sight of her pink pussy quivering as her cum ran down her inner thighs.

"Get back down here," Roman ordered, smacking her leg and then her ass as he stroked his dick in his hand, "You ain't done. Sit your ass back down on this dick."

He'd been wanting to break in his new California king bed since it'd been installed, so it was apt that he was breaking her back in it. He had her on her stomach, her asshole stuffed with a purple-colored butt plug as he stuffed her pussy with his hard, long cock. She moaned and gasped beneath him, clutching the comforter with her fists as he fucked her like a savage, her plump ass trapped in his possessive grasp.

"Daddyyyyy..." Her moan was loud and long and desperate. It became too much. Roman's dick seemed to double in size inside her and both her holes felt too full to the point of another explosion. A sob tore from her chest.

"Why you cryin'? Huh?" He slapped her ass. "Don't cry. You wanted this dick. Ain't that why you came over? Daddy told you to come and you listened like a good bitch, Daddy's sexy ass bitch. Come here." He hiked her hips higher to force a deeper, more painful arch in her back, and rammed his dick into her sweet spot over and over, demolishing her pussy. Too spent to throw her ass back, she could only lay there and take it, and her eyes squeezed shut, certain she was about to pass out from pleasure.

A big square mirror stretched across the ceiling directly above the bed. His hand slithered into her hair, tugging her head back, almost hyperextending her neck to make her look up. Her mouth dropped open in a moan as she watched that big thick shaft glide in and out of her, the soft skin of her ass rippling against the smacks of his pelvis. Just the sight of him and her together in such an erotic moment had her leaking again, soaking the silk sheets on the bed. He was fucking her so good. She hadn't come this hard and this many times in a long, long time.

Sitting back on his heels, he brought her off the bed and flush against him, assaulting her neck with his hot mouth. "You make me so fuckin' crazy, Erica. Don't nobody else make me lose control like this," he whispered, his grip tightening around her throat as the other hand gripped her breast, making her whimper. "Love this pussy so fuckin' much. You love this dick, baby?"

"Yes Daddy, I love it, I love you," she choked out.

"Mm-hmm, I love you too, baby. You gon' make me come all up inside you, girl," he grunted, his brain growing fuzzier as his end neared. He wrapped her up in his big arms, engulfing her with his heat, lavishing her panting mouth with tongue kisses as his hips rocked upwards, teasing her g-spot. Erica found enough strength to rock with him, grinding back against him, the lovers moving together in the most intimate, sensual dance. Roman groaned with pleasure when he felt her incredibly tight pussy pulling on his cock. It was almost difficult for him to continue thrusting inside of her, but her warm slickness eased the way for him. His hand left her breast and slid down her sweat-slick body to play with her clit, dragging her weak body over the edge.

"Unnnnhhhh..." Erica moaned out, her eyes rolling in the back of her head. Roman moaned with her, his soft lips trailing wet, frenzied kisses along her throat as his balls tightened, craving fresh release. "Come, baby girl, come for Daddy," he whispered shakily.

His wish was her command. Her body went limp as she detonated one more time, creaming all over his dick in the process. Roman let his head fall forward, his groan muffled against her throat as he came hard, smearing his warm cum all up in her walls. Erica murmured incoherently as she felt him pulse inside of her, giving her everything he had like he always did. When it was all over, he grabbed hold of her hair and planted yet another searing kiss on her lips, before releasing her to collapse on the mattress. Admiring her thoroughly fucked disposition, he massaged her backside tenderly before slowly easing the plug out of her, watching her wince from the pain. Running a hand over the back of her head, he brought her face to face with his groin. "Suck all this shit off my cock," he ordered.

Erica licked her lips at the sight of his thick member, semi-erect and slathered in a milky cocktail of her juices and his semen. Grasping it obediently, she lowered her mouth onto it, moaning softly at the taste of herself on him. Roman looked on with a bite of his lip, stroking her hair as she licked him clean. Afterwards, he lay on his side and pulled her into his chest. Erica sighed happily as he kissed her gently, soothing all her pain away. This feeling right here was the reason she could never let him go. Their connection was too deep, too special. No man had ever made her feel like this and she didn't want to lose it; the high of having him, the euphoria of belonging to him. It was why she was willing to quit today, right now even, and start a new life with him. She needed him to be with her forever, and she wasn't sure she was going to take no for an answer this time.

After what she was about to tell him, she doubted he would say no...not when the life they had created together was done out of the love they shared.

"Baby?" she whispered softly to him, watching him closely.

"Hmm?" Lying flat on his back, his eyes were shut and he was in a state of complete relaxation.

"Look at me," she said, waiting for him to meet her eyes before speaking. She needed him to understand the words coming out of her mouth.

"Roman, I'm pregnant, and the baby is yours."

End of Chapter 22

--------------------

Erica's unexpected declaration spelled the beginning of the end of her relationship with Roman. His behavior took a complete 180, having security drag her out of his new apartment, denying all ties to her unborn child and cutting off all communication with her. A distraught Erica terrorized him, stalking his family, poisoning his wife Gaelle and getting him fired from a lucrative film project. It all came to a head when Erica took Gaelle hostage in Roman's vacation home where he had fled to escape her rampage. She forced him at gunpoint to have sex with her in his marital bed while his wife watched, but died when he deliberately strangled her in the middle of her orgasm. It also turned out that Erica was never pregnant, and the positive test she'd shown Roman belonged to her friend and fellow escort, Tiffany. Erica's story made headline news all around the world. It was an incredibly shocking end and it worked well with the dramatic plot of the story.

You were glad for the artistic license, and though what really happened with you was less chaotic, it was not any less heart wrenching. You never even got to break the news to Joe. In fact, he was gone from your bed before the crack of dawn, vanished like a thief in the night. Never returned your calls or messages until three days later, when you received a text message from him that put your heart in a blender.

Nicole and I have decided to work things out. For good this time. I hope you understand. Thanks for always being there for me. Take care of yourself. ❤

How you recovered from that blow, you would never know. How you dug yourself out of the hole of darkness he dumped you in was still a mystery to you sometimes. It really was a testament to your mental strength, because not many people would have survived the unimaginable pain he inflicted on you. The sinister side of you wished you had been brave enough to do exactly what Erica did, to take out your rage on him and make him hurt like he hurt you. But instead you redirected that energy to your work, pouring every second of your anguish into the book. It took a long time for you to get to this point of fulfillment and success in your life, and the book had been your therapy. Now, you were at least making good money from your pain and it softened the blow a little bit.

When you thought about Joe these days, it wasn't with as much resentment. It seemed he had a few problems of his own anyway, as his beloved Nicole was reportedly threatening to upgrade their separation to a divorce and take his kids with her. How the tables turned. Nonetheless, you wished him the best. You still had love for him. You would always miss him. He changed your life, and there was no doubt that you would forever carry him with what was left of your heart.

"Mama?"

You heard her little voice before you heard the shuffle of her tiny feet. Quickly placing the wine glass in the sink, you turned as the love of your life came into view, her favorite blanket dragging behind her as she searched the room for you.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping, little lady?" you asked, fighting back a big smile to look as serious as possible. She was in her "I wanna stay up late" phase and you couldn't afford to fold, not this time at least.

Her little dual Afro puffs jiggled as she rubbed her hand over her eyes, "Come sweep with me, Mama," she pleaded, staring up at you with her big, expressive brown eyes and a pout that was the spitting image of her famous father. She was starting to look so much like him.

Your heart swelled as she padded over to you with her arms outstretched. You lifted her up and held her small body tightly, absorbing her innocence and unconditional love. She smelled so fresh and delicate, like roses, sunshine and baby powder. Her scent has filled your life with joy and purpose since the day you brought her into this world two years ago.

And to think you had almost taken those pills to snuff out this beautiful life in a fleeting moment of weakness. Now, you would give your own life to protect hers without question. Always.

"Okay, kiddo, let's get you back to bed," you cooed softly, kissing her chubby cheek.

"Read me a stowy, Mama?"

"Of course, baby."

As you retreated to your daughter's bedroom, your phone vibrated beside your MacBook. Three letters you had not seen in years flashed on the Home Screen, cutting through the empty room and calling out to you.

❤️Joe❤️

THE END

--------------------------

Alternate Sugar & The Chief book cover

Please leave feedback/comments. I appreciate them as they help me improve my writing.

Thank you all so much for reading!

Banner made by me. Credit to the owner of the gifs @romanreigns.

TAGGING: @thesamoanqueen @harmshake @jxtina-86 @romanreignseater @harlem11680 @fame-ass-ers @southerngirl41 @alyyaanna @squishyguishy @jstarr86 @murrylove @reci24 @thewarlordsworld @mzv11 @cozyaliensuperstar7 @jeysuso @nayys-world @hunnidmilly @cyberdejos2 @papireigns-05 @niknakbucks92 @captainwithoutmakingitlove @sovereigngoth @aisharmi @kennedi0818 @alichesmi @questionable-behaviour @tribalchiefreigns @2-muchsauce @thatbxtchsblog @raya-hunter01 @marchi36753 @lovelysuccess @christinabae @wooahmiri @thatonecarebear @tabletheofhead @rheaanddamianfan @vebner37 @hanley1577 @princessesareforsuckers @-naturally @joannasteez @bbygirlky18 @lilucey @theninthwonder @melaninsugababy @chocovibesonly @msbluehaz3 @scarlettnoir01 @heerah34 @empressdede @tbmotw @darkangelchronicles @visionarymode

Click here if you want to be on the tag list. If I’ve forgotten anyone please let me know so I can add you.

[fannyyann]

Hey, hope you're doing okay. I hope you don't mind me asking, but I am rather new to the mattdrai fandom and I couldn't help but wonder:

Was Matthew really as bad as a lot of fic lead to believe in his earlier hockey years in Calgary? And was he really disliked in the room - where there rumours like that? So many fics build on this premise, and seeing him now in Florida and hearing all the nice things his teammates say about him and seeing the things he does himself and the insane good hockey he plays... it's hard to believe.

It's so strange also that it's so rarely mentioned that Leon was the one to be sent down to the minors, not Matthew.

Plus what I don't get: matthew is a lot hotter than Leon? why is it always told like Leon is the hottest dude on earth while Matthew is nothing? comparing early pics and pics from now... it's just not true? Leon looks good, a bit bland IMO, but Matthew is and was just hot in a very unique and special way. maybe because he isn't that bland generic good looking Leon is? But good looking in a special way? so that got a lot longer than I thought it would, hope you don't mind the ask.

i don't mind you asking at all! this is basically my roman empire so MY apologies if this gets unwieldy but i have FEELINGS about matthew's early fic portrayal lmao

in his six years on the flames, matthew was always one of the top five scorers.

his rookie year, he was sixth in rookie scoring

the season he was picked for his first ASG, the flames were 16th in the league at the time all star rosters were announced and matthew was their top scorer.

so it's not like he was the best player from a bottom of the league team or going because he was the home town boy, he was a playoff team's best player (both at the asg break and when the season was eventually suspended because of covid).

and even in his career worst year (2020-2022), he ended the year as their third best scorer and only six points behind johnny (the leader). and as one of calgary's beat reporters said in his end of the year review, Matthew was "good, but not quite as good as the Flames needed him to be."

so i've never really understood why people were portraying him like that either and still haven't figure out if most of it was unreliable narrator kind of stuff or if some authors actually thought he was bad before he had his breakout season, but it doesn't reflect reality.

as for him being disliked in calgary, that all stems from jake muzzin flipping the puck at him, and the subsequent players only meeting that took place after it, in which matthew allegedly told the team he was upset they didn't join him in the scrum after and he was then told him it can't be a riot every night.

before that there were never any rumors that i'm aware of that he was unliked in the room, and in 2019 gio, who most people tend to think is the one who told matthew to tone it down, said this about another players only meeting:

so while the 2021 players only meeting was a story because matthew wasn't playing like his usual self afterward, i've never thought it was indicative of him not being liked by his teammates. and honestly, you have to take it all with a grain of salt anyway because while guys obviously bullshit the media, at the practice after the players only meeting guys talked about how there was a general lack of emotion, and how they came out there trying to have fun with each other and put it behind them, and in the postgame the next night, gio specifically sites getting into scrums and mixing it up when asked how much more emotion they played with in that win compared to earlier losses, so if mixing it up was good the very next night, the math doesn't quite add up, yk?

but johnny did confirm in his spittin chiclets appearance about two weeks after the muzzin incident that matthew was pissed after they left him out to dry that night, and when asked about matthew's struggles that season darryl sutter said matthew needed to, and would, get back to playing to his identity, so the whole cause and effect of the muzzin incident on matthew's play that season isn't completely unfounded, but i do think multiple guys saying the team needed to play with more emotion, johnny saying in the chiclets episode that the guys skating off didn't find out about the puck flip until they saw it on sportsnet and saying he felt bad about it, and the new coach coming in and getting matthew to play back to his style shows that it wasn't as personal as it was made out to be.

anyway, the flames may not have be as tight knit as the panthers are, but matthew had his people there. he's bffs with hanifin and his friendship with sam bennett is part of what drew him to florida. johnny always says great things about him, blake coleman called him the heartbeat of the team, and was such an important voice in the room that the flames suffered when he and gudbranson were no longer around to tell sutter to chill the fuck out when he was being too hard on guys in the room.

he probably wasn't close with every teammate, most people aren't friends with all their coworkers, but he wasn't some sort of loner in that locker room.

as for the looks, that's all down to personal preference. leon is definitely very conventionally attractive and while matthew has definitely glowed up in the last few seasons, he was by no means ugly. i wouldn't even say he's really unconventionally attractive either. he's got a good face and was a cute teen and people who are like "oh no i find matthew tkachuk attractive now" have literally never made sense to me. but again! personal preference and all that.

again, my apologies if you weren't looking for THIS MUCH of an answer to your question but this isn't even all the sources i pulled up when i first got this ask so i did TRY to keep it short lol

[hua-fei-hua]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @justpastsaturn~!! man it's been a while since i've partaken in something like this lol

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

63! 64 if you count the random anon one i don't technically write but for which i do overly-elaborate html for a friend. and um. a lot more if we want to also count each chapter of the single-ship ficlet collection works i have as a separate work ehe.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

heh. 772,261 words since june 2016. C:<

3. what fandoms do you write for?

these days just genshin, but in the past i did jjk, bnha, soul eater, flip flappers, and attack on titan. a number of years ago i also had a fma fic up on ffn, but i deleted it and never ported it to ao3. should still be on my google drive, though.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

//HEAVY SIGH.

sparklers (BnHA), 939 kudos

Orchid in Bloom (BnHA), 476 kudos

the diner at the end of the night (JJK), 474 kudos

Fermata (BnHA), 413 kudos

Veneer (BnHA), 368 kudos

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do!!! mostly it's bc i have can't-shut-up disease, but through the years, i've also found it to be a really good community-building exercise!!!! i'm not the type of person to get involved in fandom discord servers, so i've come to really treasure the friendly environment the comments section of a wip can foster, as well as the friends i've made because of it~

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am actually a hardcore happy-ending person myself, so pretty much all of them end with some sense of hope. there's a kagerou days au i wrote for bnha back in the day, though, so i guess time looping to die for one another infinitely counts here.

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

tbh i have a hard time quantifying the happiness of all the different endings i've written, esp since it's been years since i've written simple self-indulgent "and then they all lived happily ever after the end" kinds of endings ahahaha,,,

8. do you get hate on fics?

no but someone impersonating me left a hate comment in my name on a fe3h byleth hannibal au back in may 2021. that was crazy i hope ao3 user dikhotomia is living their best life writing whatever the fuck they want after that incident.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i wrote exactly one (1) explicit fic which was literally just a 16k word sex scene bc the logical endpoint to xiao genshinimpact's character arc is that he needs to get fucked. i don't make the rules. outside of studying blorbo, though, i don't really feel any compulsion to write smut

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

nah. i'll write fusion aus, where cast a goes into setting b and may or may not try to retell the story of canon b, but i like to put the "transformative" into "transformative works" in those situations, to the point where people sometimes can't tell what story i'm basing the narrative off of LOL

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my memory or knowledge, no.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, several times!! mostly back in my bnha days, where i had one fic (partially) translated into chinese and russian, a different fic reviewed and fully translated into chinese; going even farther back, i also once had a query to translate one of my snk fics into french, but i never really heard back from that person so i assume that one fell through.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i'd say yes. there's the aforementioned fic i do the overly-elaborate html for, but also back in high school, a couple friends n i sat around my computer between rounds at a speech tournament and took turns turning one of my kouhai's scripts into a bnha fic that kept on going off the rails bc i implemented a "no backspacing" rule and once our turn typing was over, we had to have our hands-off the computer until it was our turn again.

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

let's just cut to the chase and make this post timeless: i like it when a ship is basically just MONSTER x MONSTER FUCKER. if not on a literal level, then a spiritual/metaphorical level! bonus points if both parties think the other person is the monster fucker!!!!

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

well i actually recently decided to let go of zenith, so i don't really have any "i wish i could finish this" thoughts abt it anymore tbh... i think abt finishing my html sanitizer 2.0 so that i can post the notes for it more conveniently though lol

16. what are your writing strengths?

heh. bitches love my characterization. and imagery/use of metaphor!

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

SOMEONE will probably snipe me if i say poetry, but i still find my poems to be rather stiff and overly-literal, so i still consider poetry to be a weakness of mine. and fight scenes. DEFINITELY #1 weakness fight scenes.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

for a word here or two there, i don't mind as long as it's culturally appropriate. (you will pry my dearly beloved "aiya" out of my cold dead hands) like that's just how people talk in real life. for longer sentences or conversations, then i'd like it if there are translation notes left somewhere. at the very least, i'd kind of like a narrative or aesthetic reason if the meaning can't be parsed from context alone.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

pokemon, if we're counting my being five years old and unaware of what fanfiction is! otherwise, attack on titan or my little pony.

20. favorite fic you've written?

tbh i try not to play favorites w/my fics anymore, since if a darling of mine doesn't get the attention i think it deserves, i end up having a tough time getting over it emotionally, which has sometimes led to unnecessary bitterness and resentment towards the fic or even fandom/community itself.

tagging~ @kanonavi, @cadriona, @tempests-bards-and-birds, @followerofmercy, @chickycherrycola, and anyone else who might feel like it hehe

[belmottetower]

3.10 International Meta

Ted Lasso’s International Break details - actually extremely accurate! I am pleasantly surprised! If you read my review of episode 9, you’d have seen at the end the part where we freaked out about the potential for bad exposition regarding this stuff. But they actually fucking nailed it! And they left so much space for amazing fic and headcanons!

I’m going to overhaul the International Break page on the primer to include all the new information and erase stuff that is now erroneous and I will post again when done, but in the meantime, here are some notes about details in this episode that hopefully will be exciting to think about, in terms of gap-filling fic or otherwise. Trust me, applying some of the below information to the show really heightens an already VERY AMAZING episode. Uncle’s Day! Gareth Southgate! 24!

Ted Lasso season 3 is set in the 2021/2022 football season. We have a thorough timeline of season 3 coming for the primer, but in 3.10, Richmond has played 31 league matches so far (16 wins, 6 losses, 9 draws according to the board) and the time being featured in this episode is the annual March international break. 

In real life, this break happened from 21-29 March 2022. There also would have been international breaks in August, October and November 2021. These were not featured on the show but would have occurred in between episodes, regardless of whether any players were called up during them or not. The August break would have happened during the Zava montage of wins in episode 3, the October break would have happened directly after episode 3 and before episode 4, and the November break would have happened in the bad run of matches that happened off screen between episode 4 and episode 5.

The March break is usually dedicated to continental friendlies rather than tournament qualifiers. Each international team would have played TWO games that week within their confederation, so Canada played Mexico once and some other CONCACAF nation once. England and Wales would have each played two UEFA opponents, and so on. 

The international matches are generally spaced out over something like Thursday and Saturday, or Friday and Sunday - a few days training, play one game, more days training, play the next game, recovery, press, back to the regular league club by the following Tuesday.

The moment Beard reads out the names in the dressing room after the Leicester match would not be the first moment the players are finding out this news. That international announcement does not happen on a match day, and they guys are responding happily but not as excitedly as they would if this was The Big News Announcement, especially for Jamie’s very first time. That moment was a summary of already known information, the call-ups would have come in the week before. 

They’ve just played Leicester on the Saturday and Jamie for instance would have got the news sometime between Monday to Thursday of the prior week. This year, the England squad announcement for the March break was released to the public on Thursday 16th March before the players showed up at St George’s Park to train on the following Monday the 20th. I’m sad we did not actually get to see Jamie’s call-up moment, but the primer has a BUNCH of examples about how he may have gotten the news so feel free to peruse and imagine your favourite situation for Jamie.

Dani is the only person we know for sure has had prior call ups - he’s listed as a Mexico international on the cheat sheet since before he even came to Richmond - but on this break, Jamie is the only person they mention making his debut, his very first call-up (invitation to be in the squad) and potential cap (cap being the term for actually making an appearance - he could have been called up but not capped, as in, didn’t come off the bench.) That Jamie detail kind of implies all the others have done it before, but that doesn’t quite fit with Ted not knowing that Bumbercatch is playing for Switzerland, as they would have gone through like, nine prior international breaks before this one since Ted’s arrival.

Pretty sure Bumbercatch IS English, but he must be eligible for Switzerland under the grandparent rule. Basically, when you select your international eligibility, you can claim it for the country of birth of one of your parents or grandparents. Players will sometimes do this if their main nationality is from a more competitive footballing country. You can switch allegiance between junior and senior levels (Jack Grealish and Declan Rice, both VERY ENGLISH MEN, played for Ireland as juniors because they had a better chance of being selected there. When it became clear they were England-good, they switched allegiances for senior selection. Irish fans are still angry about this.) I’m assuming Bumbercatch has at least one Swiss parent or grandparent so put himself up for FIFA eligibility as Swiss rather than English, as the Switzerland team is easier to get into than the England team.

England trains at St George’s Park near Birmingham, about 130 miles/ 2 and a half hours drive from Richmond. Jamie would have trained at SGP before as a junior England player in the age group teams (see the primer about how this is almost 100% a given) so it would not be a brand new place for him to visit, but it would be very special coming in as an England senior player for the first time on the Monday morning.

The team travels down from SGP to London to play their home matches at Wembley Stadium, the home of English football and the same place the semi-final against Man City took place last season. This is only about 10 miles from Richmond, hence Beard saying “up the way at Wembley.” Sometimes both matches of the break are at home, or sometimes one is abroad and they fly to the other country. FWIW, in real life, the two England games in the March 2022 break were both at Wembley, so no overseas travel.

The jacket Jamie is wearing for Uncle’s Day is an example of the casual England wear the players get given upon their call up (as opposed to their training kit or match kit.) This is what they will wear to travel as a group, or in their free time around camp. Sometimes they get gear sent over the week before so they can already be dressed in the team gear when they arrive (there are social media videos made of their arrivals) or sometimes they pick it all their gear on arrival.

Jamie would have reported for International Duty probably on Monday. Occasionally the report-in is Tuesday. But Uncle’s Day is happening on WEDNESDAY. (Keeley references the day of the week in her scenes set that same day.) The reason I bring this timeline up is because it’s looking likely that Jamie ran away from the England camp to attend this party. He either drove himself down from Birmingham after training on Wednesday afternoon - very not allowed, they are kept pretty firmly on campus - or the team traveled down to London VERY early, because Jamie’s first Wembley match takes place on Friday, not Thursday. The fact that he has sourced an original copy of the 2014 World Cup kit for Roy and was able to get the name cuntified in a legitimate manner suggests to me that he actually got that done at by the kit men at the England base camp, making it even more likely that he’s been at camp and snuck away back to London for the afternoon. 

2014 was Roy’s last World Cup, but his last England cap, ever, was in the 2016 Euros (in a real life game that England lost, a very low point - we suspect this is also when he left Chelsea, at the end of the 15/16 season) and given his legendary status in the game, it’s not unlikely his first international tournament was either the 2000 Euros or the 2002 World Cup. Comparing how the show frames him to other players like him, I would guess he has anywhere between 70 to 120 caps.

3.10 establishes, via Jamie’s gift to Roy, that the World Cup cycle within Ted Lasso is the same years as real life, so there is a World Cup coming up for the players right after season 3 finishes. If Ted Lasso-verse does a different host to real life (the controversial choice of Qatar) the 2022 Ted Lasso World Cup will be in the June and July immediately following the finale. If Qatar is mentioned, the 2022 World Cup won’t take place until November 2022, disrupting the Premier League during the following season (season 4, if we get it.)

The commentary of the England match mentions Southgate - meaning that Gareth Southgate, the real England manager, is also the manager within the show. This is GREAT news for Jamie enjoyers, almost as good news as Real Pep. See primer for details on Southgate and how he would have crossed paths with Jamie before. This is a VERY BIG DEAL and a bit of a dream come true for me. Gareth is about a decade older than Roy, they would know each other from some crossover playing time in the early 2000s. He would have played at England alongside Roy if Roy debuted for England before 2004.

I just had a conversation that made me realise that some people might think that league or club coaches might also join the England team for breaks the way that players do. Not how it works. Managing England is a full time job - Gareth Southgate is not ALSO a club coach. Sometimes the assistant coaches have other jobs - for a while Ted Lasso match commentator Chris Powell was helping to coach England while also helping to coach the Tottenham Hotspur academy team. But Gareth's ONLY job is the England men's first team, including keeping up with the status of potential squad members all year and so on.

It's not impossible that Roy could eventually be brought on to the England assistant coaching staff while also assistant coaching Richmond - in real life one of West Ham’s assistant coaches does this - but Roy doesn't have a lot of experience coaching so it's unlikely, and it's not going to happen if Roy becomes the actual manager of Richmond at the end of the season. Still. It could be a fun idea if Roy doesn’t become the manager.

Jamie wearing 24 is very plausible within how national squad numbering works and it is actually the number we suggested for him in the primer before this episode aired! Our choice was nothing to do with Sam, but was chosen because it was the number given to Callum Wilson, England’s non-starting striker, in the World Cup. Jamie will not be England’s go-to 9 for many years. 

Jamie could have requested 24, but the international shirt numbering is not a free for all. You can’t select 54 or 81 or something. The squad is numbered from 1 to however many (usually 26) with no gaps, and it’s not fixed and permanent like club numbers. Who gets what number is altered every match based on the starting line up, unless you’re in a big tournament where you keep the same shirt number the whole month. For an international friendly like this, the starters for that game will wear 1 through 11, then all the substitutes will be numbered on from there. 

Given that Jamie is brand new to the team, and on the bench (he comes on at the 65th minute when it’s 6-0 to England, replacing the not-Harry-Kane England starting striker who wears the 9, a very normal situation for a game that’s going successfully, rest your stars and give the newbies a chance to stretch their legs) being numerically low in list makes sense. He would have always had a number between say 22 and 26, but within that, he could probably make a request, if it isn’t putting anyone else out, like “Hey, if no one minds, can I have 24?” as opposed to 22, 23, 25 or whatever. They do give people their favorites if they ask for it, so it works PERFECTLY for him to have 24, as it fits his position in the team as well as the Sam tribute.

However, his squad number would have been listed on the team sheet in advance of the match. Sam being surprised in the moment is slightly off - they would have seen his number when they learned he'd been selected for the game's lineup at all.

For those bummed out that Jamie’s friends were not there in person - England would have played another match on the Sunday, there is never just one in a break. Maybe Roy, Keeley, Ted, Isaac, Sam and so on went to Wembley to support him at the Sunday match in person before club training resumed at Richmond on the Monday or Tuesday.

[haztobegood]

Oops & Hi!

Happy 28th! Here is a collection of fics where Harry and Louis say the Oops & Hi! This has always been one of my favorite fandom easter eggs in fics. Remember to leave the authors comments and kudos when you read!

💙 If You Find Yourself Here by @lululawrence G, 2k, Wrong apartment, Meet cute

Harry accidentally wanders into Louis' apartment. They've never met. Oops.

💚 Skate Into Your Heart by wabadabadaba @bigxrig G, 2k, Girl Direction, Roller skates, Puns

the one where Harry orders custom skates and runs into Louis at the skatepark, literally.

💙 Who'd You Rather - Larry Stylinson Edition by jetblackromance G, 3k, Talk Show Game, Celebrity Crush, Famous/Famous

the one in which Harry has a celebrity crush on Louis and the world knows about it after a game of Who'd You Rather on Ellen's talkshow

💚 The One With the Lemur on the Fire Escape by zita17 @louisandtheaquarian T, 4k, Neighbors, Fluff

Louis is an overworked bartender hoping to save up enough extra tips to buy a new air conditioner before he literally melts during a scorching NYC heat wave. Harry is the new neighbor that wakes him up by moving in his sole day off at 6am. An NYC enemies to neighbors to friends to lovers AU featuring a rickety fire escape, the 2021 Euros, Lirry bickering like a divorced couple, and enough OT5 clichés to rot your teeth. (If Harry's pastries don't get them first.)

💙 We're Getting Better With Time by @haztobegood T, 5k, Social Media, Second Chances, Older Larry

The one where Louis is single, Harry is recently divorced, and they reconnect on Facebook forty years after they first met.

💚 come on, jump out at me by g_uttertrash T, 7k, Halloween, Witch Harry, Vampire Louis

Harry is a witch who carries around a stuffed pumpkin, Louis is a vampire with too much time on his hands, and their best mates Zayn & Niall aren't exactly what they seem...

💙 You Came Along And Moved Me, Honey by @fairytalefem T, 8k, Youtuber Harry, ASMR, Candle Reviews

Louis was gone for Harry from the moment they met, already planning their wedding and picking out rings in his head, and after months of living in each other's pockets they knew almost everything about each other. The one thing Louis didn't know about Harry was what he did for a living. Faced with vague answers and question-evading, Louis begins to imagine scandalous and dangerous secrets that Harry must be keeping - but maybe Harry's secrets aren't so sinister after all.

💚 A Small Matter (A Matter of Trust) by @kingsofeverything E, 19k, Grindr, Coworkers, Tiny Penis

Harry knows he and his Grindr hookup would be perfect together, if only he could convince him to give a relationship a chance. Or Harry has a thing for jockstraps and Louis likes to wear them.

💙 Someone to Fly Home To by kingsofeverything E, 35k, Exes to Lovers, Pilot Louis, Older Larry

Louis and Harry’s marriage ended more than a decade ago, but fate keeps bringing them back together.

💚 There's Such a Lot of World to See by @crinkle-eyed-boo E, 125k, Doctor Who au, Angst

Louis has seen a great many things throughout his travels in time and space, but only one he can’t explain: He keeps meeting the same boy, who says the same thing to him each time. The boy should be impossible. Maybe he is. A love story that defies the boundaries of space and time. Doctor Who AU.

💙 Now In A Minute by thealmightyavocado @avocadolouie M, 150k, 13 Going On 30 au, Childhood Friends

13 feels like yesterday for many people, but for Louis it actually was. More than anything in the world, Louis Tomlinson dreams of growing up. Simply skipping over all of the awkward, embarrassing years of teenage existence and getting on with life. Real life. So when thirteen-year-old Louis wakes up in the body of his thirty-year-old self, he expected everything in his adult life to be picture perfect. And maybe it is. He has it all…or so it seems. Except his favorite person and lifelong best mate, Harry Styles, is totally missing from the equation and Louis doesn’t understand why. He has a lot of catching up to do and as adult life turns out to be more than what he bargained for, Louis can’t help wondering why a life that seemed so perfect, feels so empty.

[sixteen-sugars]

klance - a review

Credit: @clink0maniac

This couple was my Wattpad phase, If there was a moderately popular fic of these two around 2020-2021, odds are I had probably read it.  But, embarrassing middle school years aside. This ship had the tea. 

My interpretation of the creators decision (and said tea) is that they wanted to make Klance endgame, or at least have Keith or Lance be canonically queer. Since Voltron is a absolute clusterfuck that didn't end up happening. So, that left them with a very flirty very bi-coded Cuban on their hands. To combat this, they made him flirt with more women, and made him look even more bi. And Keith noped off to space with his mom, and stifling any romantic or platonic chemistry they had in the first place. There is something to say, as someone who joined the fandom late and just sat in the wreckage. I got to enjoy with almost none of the cons associated with shipping. 

Now, back to the ship itself. I enjoy it immensely, they are both endearing little guys. They have contrasting color palettes, red and blue y'all I can't even. So, besides the drama I genuinely enjoy this ship and the plethora of popular AU's  spawned by it. To name a few my personal fav's were; Mermaid, GalraTransformation!Keith, Roommates/College. But, one thing that always felt a little off was the Langst. I know that the widest smiles hold the most pain, but to some point, its important to also stay in character and pull inspiration/character traits out the canon and not out of your ass. All in all, it had its fair share of bumps but both of our boys had great chemistry (in season 1-3) and some people saw it and shared something super personal and gifted us with many great fanworks. :D 

Tropes/AU's Commonly Associated: 8/10 

Most of the AU's are super cute, like mermaid or dad!Lance. But it does get points down for Langst, because it seemed OOC and little like you were dragging him through hell for no reason. And the tropes, enemies/rivals to lovers along with mutual pining. That's the tea!

Dynamic: 9.5/10

If you get a good dialogue writer, this ship can really shine with them, because of the bickering being their love language. Along with them being opposites attract, so there are many little nooks and crannies to explore regarding their differences. 

Looks: 7.5/10

tbh, they look a little boring. They are 2 guys???? Yes, the art done of them is absolutely beautiful, and they do get points for contrasting color palettes. But, they are literally just a mullet with legs and a bi man lol. 

All in all; 25/30

[wildechild3]

Modern Maurice AU

Part 4: The Kiddos!

(Re-posted because someone decided to leave a rude comment on the first one. Please keep in mind, this is for fun. It's fanfiction. It's literally not a big deal.)

This part is background information about Maurice and Alec as parents. Like I said in part 1, none of this is spoilers for the fic I want to write. Also, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions, these are just my headcanons!

The Kiddos:

Early on into dating, Maurice mused to Alec about being a father. But he only spoke about it in a hypothetical way. It was only the one conversation, and he didn't think Alec was really listening anyway. (Alec was. That's the biggest difference between Clive and Alec, he listens.)

After they got married, they took a short vacation to the countryside and found they liked it a lot more there than in the hustle bustle of the city. Maurice is already working from home at this point (I'm thinking this is late 2020-2021) and Alec's construction company had an opening closer to the small country town they were interested in moving to. They decided to take the chance, and found being closer to nature and out of the city was much better for their mental health (especially Maurice's, who's in therapy by this point).

They've lived in this country town for about a year when Alec gently broaches the subject. He brings up the conversation they had early in their relationship (to which Maurice replies, "You remember that!?"). He ends by saying he never saw himself as a father, but now that him and Maurice are settled and happy, he couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else.

Maurice is thrown off and doesn't give solid answer at first - which Alec is confused by but respects and gives the topic space. Maurice isn't against the idea, in fact he very excited by it. He just never thought he'd get this far - and he sits Alec down to tell him as such. He talks about how deep his depression was and his suicidal ideation - both of which convinced him that he'd never live long enough to see thirty. Yet here he was. Freshly thirty and the happiest he'd ever been. He ends by telling Alec that he'd love to be a father with him - but is scared of being too 'muddled' to be any good at it.

Alec responds by assuring him that he doesn't have to be perfect. That he wouldn't be alone. That he and Maurice would be a team. He tells Maurice that they can take their time and suggests they start small and work up to actually doing it.

So they do. First, they talk about which rooms in their little house would be a good spot for a nursery/child's room. Then they talk about how'd they fix it up. (Alec comes home to Maurice painting his once beige office a pale yellow.) Then they talk about where they would go to school (and Alec pretends to not see Maurice looking through reviews of local schools on his phone while they watch a movie.) They talk about how they would raise a child, which leads to a conversation about their own childhoods (both agree to never use spanking as a punishment.) Finally, Maurice brings up the subject on Halloween night after a little boy dressed as a cowboy comes to their door with his two fathers.

They decide to go the adoption route and after almost a year working through the process, they adopt a four year old boy - Archie - and his 6 month old sister - Winifred ("Winnie"). They agree to an open adoption, and by 2022, they become their legal guardians.

*Just a quick note about the names: I know they're older sounding names. I chose them based off of the 1913 UK census of the most popular names to help blend them into the story. I just felt like it would be weird to have classic names like Maurice and Alec paired with Brandon and Mckeighlynn.*

Both of them go on paternity leave to help the kids get settled into their home and to help Archie get ready to go to school. It's the wildest, weirdest, and best two weeks of their lives.

Alec is so sad when he has to start going back to work, but the first time he comes home and sees Maurice and Archie making dinner together- it's all worth it.

They get in the habit of taking the kids to the park after dinner. Sometimes Maurice will hang back if there's something he didn't get done for work during the day, which happens more often than Maurice would like.

On the weekends, they go to the bigger park near the center of town. It's usually a 20 minute walk and they'll pack a lunch since they're usually there all day.

Final details: Alec is insanely good at clamoring around the play-sets. Maurice jokes that it's because he's the shorter one, but Alec is a pro at running around these structures built for people far shorter than him. Maurice usually hangs out with Winnie at the swings. He's the best at giving those big dad-pushes that'll make you feel like you're flying.

And that's the world building I've sketched out for the AU! Like I said, feel free to correct me on my American-isms or add suggestions.

(Also, I'm trying to be very respectful of adoption. I don't know how different it is in the UK, but in the US it's a very complicated thing to say the least. If you're an adoptee and I said something ignorant please let me know so I can fix it.)

[sitp-recs]

today is hubby’s bday! few people know this but he was my first supporter when I created this blog - in fact, the whole thing was his idea! at the time I had a starker/MCU blog and did a couple reclists. when I fell back into the drarry pit he was like “what if you did the same thing for drarry but with single recs like those book review YT channels” I was very reluctant because big fandoms can be overwhelming and I didn’t feel creative or qualified to rec HP. not only I wasn’t up to date in terms of reading, I’d always been a lurker and didn’t know anyone around here; starker was a smaller, safe community without an insane to-read list or any other type of pressure. when covid hit I decided to take his advice and created the blog to distract myself at lockdown, that’s how the sit-pee brand kick off 😂 the rest is history. I’m feeling nostalgic and wanted to celebrate him somehow; since he’s a fan of fantasy books and magical creatures - dragons in particular - I decided to do a 🐉 reclist! I’ve been wanting to rec some Charlie rarepair fics so this is the perfect excuse. enjoy!

Drarry:

Sanctuary by @stargazing-enby (2021, G, 2k)

Harry finds warmth in peculiar ways on a freezing Romanian winter day.

Keeping the Dragon Keeper by @xx-thedarklord-xx (2018, T, 4k)

Charlie still wasn’t sure what it was about dragons that drew him in. Perhaps it was their intense nature or the way they protected their kind. Maybe it was the way Harry cared for Draco, or the way the latter always kept an eye on his mate. Either way, he would do anything to protect them.

Tiny Dragons & Where to Find Them by @tasteofshapes (2020, T, 5k)

Draco finds the tiny dragon sleeping on the staircase leading up to the astronomy tower.

Dragon Wings and Flying Things by rillalicious (2018, NR, 6k)

The Annual Broom Race of Sweden is headed through the Swedish Short-Snout dragon reservation. Charlie has arranged for Harry to bring Teddy. In the midst of all the excitement, Harry finds out that one of the most famous Dragonologists in recent history is someone very familiar.

Fighting fire with fire by azyxy (2021, E, 12k)

As Deputy Director of the Ministry’s Fire Brigade, Draco Malfoy is an expert firefighter. But after things get out of hand in what should have been a routine operation and Harry Potter arrives to help, Draco finds himself getting hot and bothered for totally unprofessional reasons.

Fata Morgana by @icmezzo (2014, M, 16k)

“It’s only a mirage,” they tell Draco (and Pepper). “You must be imagining,” they dismiss him in turn. But Draco Malfoy is certain that something is out there, and, come hell or Harry Potter, he’ll find out. He will.

Next Time I Fall by sassy_cissa (2019, E, 21k)

When Harry visits Charlie in Romania – he ends up finding more than he bargained for.

Here Be Dragons by birdsofshore (2016, E, 22k)

Harry doesn’t want to waste his time investigating illegal dragonhide trading, whether it involves a fetish club in Knockturn Alley or visiting a remote island in Wales. Why the bloody hell does Malfoy always have to be up to something?

Under Giant Mountains by @wolfpants (2022, E, 33k)

Harry doesn't know where he's going. Everyone else has their life paths figured out; he doesn't even know where his map is. Who'd have thought Draco Malfoy bathing in a Norwegian forest would be the guidepost Harry needed?

Blood and Fire by @lqtraintracks (2017, E, 45k)

Harry has spent the last twelve years in Romania, not returning to England as often as he knows he should. It's complicated. But when Ginny asks him to be her best man and help her plan her wedding, he can't say no. Having a reckoning with his choices, with himself, won't be easy. To say nothing of seeing Draco again.

Survival of the Species by @romaine2424 (2011, E, 46k)

Draco approaches Harry on the 9 ¾ platform, after their sons have boarded the Hogwarts Express, and invites him over for tea. The discussion they have leads them on an adventure that neither could have expected. There be dragons! HPDH compliant but before any other canon info had been released.

An Offering of Dragons by Lomonaaeren (2015, M, 46k)

Harry decides that he really needs to take a holiday. He hits on the idea of touring the respective dragon sanctuaries of the world, and invites Draco, who he’s casually dating, to come with him.

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w, art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (2022, E, 76k)

Deep in the heart of the Ministry lies the Beast Division: a hidden room where ancient beasts roam, and winged creatures soar, and grumpy giant ferrets eat all your biscuits unless you keep them well hidden. Draco Malfoy would know – he’s been working there for five years now, after all.

Such Great Heights by aideomai (2015, E, 93k)

Draco Malfoy, wide-eyed and pale and in a decidedly ragged shirt, was crouched next to the pile of whatever the dragon had been eating. Harry threw himself to a halt and yelled, “Merlin, how many times do I have to save your life?”

Chasing Dragons by @the-sinking-ship (2021, E, 98k)

Draco can think of only one way to outclass his pleat-front-khaki-wearing politician ex, and that’s by making headlines with an obvious upgrade. And who better to upstage the cheating bastard than the Saviour of the World, Harry Potter himself?

He Comes Like a Thunderstorm by @korlaena (2021, E, 140k)

Draco is doing his best to balance the life he wants to live and the life he’s forced to live. He’s nearing the tail-end of a long, post-war probation when Harry Potter crashes back into his life with all the grace of a charging Erumpent, breaking through his carefully constructed rules and routine.

Rarepairs:

love on high by tryslora (2015, E, 1.3k) - Charlie/Draco

Charlie loves to take Draco up on dragon back and fuck him high above the ground.

Use My Last Breath (to say I love you) by Cassiara (2020, E, 6k) - Charlie/Harry

Harry loves the way Charlie's hands feel around his neck. He's not sure how to feel about the tiny dragon or the long-distance relationship.

On the Same Side by rillalicious (2018, M, 7.5k) - Charlie/Teddy

Teddy is heading to Romania to protest a proposed anti-dragon law. He finds an interesting ally there.

Where the kind things are by epsilonargus (2018, T, 8k) - Charlie/Teddy

Charlie didn't think there was any other way to live, until he was forced to take Teddy Lupin in as a dragon trainer. Teddy didn't think he could ever be forgiven, until Charlie Weasley told him there was no shame in being kind.

Putting Charlie Right by mindabbles (2018, E, 9k) - Charlie/Teddy

Teddy is good at his job. He can take the most disorganised, poorly maintained record keeping system and have it pass any audit within weeks. Teddy is very, very good at his job, and he’d be able to prove that fact if Charlie wasn’t bent on distracting him.

In the Land of Dragons by megyal (2008, M, 10k) - Charlie/Draco

Charlie's job has changed from dragon-keeper to dragon-hunter in the apocalyptic aftermath of the war. DH-based, but not EWE-compliant; I'm sure I can say it veers into AU territory. Influenced by the movie Reign of Fire.

Exhaling Invisible Fire by gonergone (2014, G, 12k) - Charlie/Harry

As the Wizarding World tries to get itself back in order, Harry needs takes the opportunity for a rest.

Charlie Weasley's Fuck Autobiography by @lqtraintracks (2014, E, 14k) - Charlie/Teddy/Harry/Draco, minor Charlie/Bill

Charlie doesn't think that this is his Fuck Autobiography. But it so is.

Dreaming Skies by @sweet-s0rr0w and @tackytigerfic (2021, E, 20k) - Draco/Ron

Draco's life is going nowhere, so when Charlie Weasley offers him a job out on his reserve, Draco doesn't think twice before booking a Portkey. After all, it's not as if he has many other options. But when he arrives in Romania, he realises that nothing is quite what he expected...

Licurici by @lou-isfake (2021, E, 133k) - Harry/Charlie/Draco

Charlie wanted Harry, but he’d never planned on having him. He’d never planned on Draco Malfoy, either. He hadn’t planned on anything but living out his days in Romania, with his friends and his dragons and his safe, peaceful distance. Apparently, it wasn’t a very popular plan.

[cha-melodius]

2023 Fic Year in Review

I've been doing these for three years now, and they always grow each year as I get tagged in other year-end posts that make the rounds. Feel free you grab it if you want to do your own review! And I’d like to add a hearty thank you to each and every person who’s read my fics over the years, y'all continue to make this a joy!

2020 Review | 2021 Review | 2022 Review

AO3 Username: chamel  My Page: Link  Active Fandoms:  Red, White & Royal Blue: 20 works The Man from UNCLE (2015): 8 works Loki: 5 works New Fandoms: None thank GOD Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count  This Year: 33 works, 278k words  All Time: 113 works, 1.27 million words

This year a little movie that came out in August absolutely destroyed these stats lmaoooo. Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): This Year: Always Where I Need To Be (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 5.5k) All Time: Class(room) Warfare (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 7.8k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos):  This Year & All Time: Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood  (RWRB, Alex/Henry, E, 20k words)

Events/Challenges: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Gift Exchange 2023, The Brownstone Anniversary Fic Exchange, Halloween Huh?

More reflections, stats, and planned fics below the cut!

Additional Random AO3 Stats

By number of fics: 85% one shots, 15% multi-chaps

By word count: 52% mult-chaps, 48% one shots

Ratings by number of fics: 48% T-rated, 33% E-rated, 15% M-rated

Musical artists contributing highest number of titles: Jeff Tweedy (Tweedy/Wilco) & The New Pornographers, tied at 3 each

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?  Somehow I topped my word count from last year by 10k, which I was not expecting. That said, this year was right about average.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?  God this is a hard question this year because I wrote a lot of fics I really really love. For one single fic I'll go with Nova, Baby, because I love the story and I've got a lot of lovely feelings about it.

Did you complete your writing goals from last year?  The Goal: I want to complete a few large multichapter fics, which will probably mean my one-shot production goes down. I completed one long mulitchap, and then a few mid-length (~20k) multichaps. I think I wrote more of those than I have any other year. Surprisingly, my one-shot production wasn't super significantly decreased.

Do you have any writing goals for the New Year? Ok, I gotta come up with something. My goal is to have a similar mix of fics as least year, and also to write my first collaboration with @cricketnationrise, which will be a long multichap.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Wrote on a topic outside my wheelhouse (therapy 😬) and also posted a fic in a fandom where there weren't a lot of fics in similar genres (action/spies). Now that's no longer true, but at the time it was really freaking nerve-wracking.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Every fic I write in a fandom that's not RWRB? 😅 It's hard to complain too much, especially considering what happened to my numbers this year.

Most fun story to write: All the Old Showstoppers, Will You Brie Mine?, You're the Perfect Gift for Me. Silly RWRB boys being silly, basically.

Biggest disappointment: Again, I feel like it's hard to complain when I have a fic that's closing in on 4k kudos. The goalposts keep moving, don't they, though? I still live in fear of pouring my heart into a multichap and having what will count as "lukewarm" reception, when before this year I didn't have a single fic above 1k kudos.

Biggest surprise: Most definitely Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood. Like I figured it would do pretty well (I hoped, since I put so much into it), but holy shit?? I still can't really believe it's on page 2 of the tag by kudos? And honestly also Always Where I Need To Be, this little one-shot about David stealing glasses.

Coming soon/planned for 2024:

False Dichotomy (RWRB You've Got Mail AU)

Kissed Out (RWRB pro-pool players AU)

RWRB 1940s noir AU

RWRB conductor/piano soloist AU

RWRB hockey AU (with cricket)

A shitload of prompts from my fandom fest

Extremely delinquent MTH fics

TMFU art thief/gallery owner AU

Thank you for the tags on your end-of-the-year fic reviews @loki-is-my-kink-awakening, @kiwiana-writes, @rmd-writes, @lizzie-bennetdarcy, @indestructibleheart, and @welcometololaland!

[lololollywrites]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag, @discordantwords!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? I have 10 as of now (7 for Sherlock and 3 for Harry Potter, though the HP fics were either begun or completed in 2012 (first posted on ff.net)... in other words, before I knew about JK's raging transphobia. I finally finished a HP WIP in 2020 that I had abandoned years ago, after my resulting disillusionment, because I decided that my work didn't deserve to be in vain. I'm so glad I did!

2. What's your total A03 word count? 168,333

3. What fandoms do you write for? On AO3, just BBC Sherlock and HP, though I have Smallville, Supernatural, and even a Gilmore Girls fic on my ff.net account (the earliest of them written in 2006) that I will NOT be linking here. 😂

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? (Since I've only been posting Sherlock fics on AO3 since September 2021, there's not a ton of variation between these):

The Waning of Withdrawal

Of Sweat, Sociopathy, Scars, and Secrets

Never Been Better

Pressure Points

Genius is a Star Whose Light (is Soon to Sink in Endless Night); I think I may change the title soon since it's so unwieldy)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! Mainly because I love when authors reply to mine - it acknowledges my gratitude and can open a line of communication. Plus, I just get so excited by every single comment notification that I need to squee and send hearts to the sender.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? None of my Sherlock fics have angsty endings, though that was my original goal for Never Been Better. It originally ended with Chapter 1, but I added two more chapters upon popular demand to fix things. :) It's a classic Sherlock-leaves-John's-wedding-early fic, so I'd intended to explore what may have happened within canon as sort of a missing scene/character exploration. Ultimately, however, I decided to throw a bone to poor Sherlock and disregard canon events.

However, my Harry Potter fic The Burn of the Phoenix, which I migrated to AO3 in 2020 after it's huge reception on ff.net back in 2012 (it's a 13k-word oneshot with 273 reviews and 951 favorites, though I'd definitely not write it the same way today), is definitely angsty. The end is hopeful, but ultimately... I killed Harry Potter. So. 😂 The ending, as it doesn't miraculously entail Harry coming back to life, can certainly be considered angsty as well. The entire fic is from Dudley's perspective as he learns of Harry's death (an alternate version of canon) and attends his funeral.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? As described above, all of my fics have happy endings! Though I'd say the one that's most unabashedly happy with minimal lingering pain and turmoil is Cold Inside. Genius comes close, but Sherlock is horrifically injured even despite happy news that comes in the last chapter so there's still an uphill battle ahead.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, though I did get a very direct comment on The Waning of Withdrawal - the first time I ever wrote smut - that said the following (the "At all" was particularly harsh):

"I loved the fic and the way you formed everything with the comforting,and the understanding,the guilt and stuff and angst in the main part of the fic but I'm not a huge fan of how much detail went into their love part and stuff.. Not saying it's bad! I'm sure some people absolutely love it but I'm personally not a huge fan of the sex scene. At all."

(Luckily, two other commenters jumped in to my defense!) It seems innocuous enough, but I'd included an A/N that said it was my first time writing a love scene, despite it being brief, so "please go easy on me". The rating and tags were appropriate, too, so it seemed a bit out of the blue. That one little comment knocked my confidence for a while and made it impossible for me to re-read the fic without cringing.

9. Do you write smut? Just two of my Sherlock fics so far are rated E for smut. The Waning of Withdrawal, as described above, and Cold Inside, which has a lengthy sex scene in Chapter 4. It was so much harder than I thought to write - there's nothing quite like meticulously editing writing comprised of graphic depictions of anal sex, haha.

10. Do you write crossovers? No, nor do I usually enjoy them. I really admire the creativity, but tend to prefer fics that are plausible and in-canon; it's just a preference (with exceptions, of course!) That being said, crossovers that could happen between comparable universes - such as Sherlock and Hannibal - really appeal to me in theory.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I'd be so thrilled!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, nor do I have a beta. I'm sure it could improve my work, but I feel horrifically self conscious during any editing process that involves another person. It's something I need to work on!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Sherlock & John and Arthur & Merlin are pretty neck-in-neck. I don't have many Merlin bookmarks, as it was my prior obsession before Sherlock, but I've been delving more into the Merlin fandom lately. Writing for it just seems harder for me - accounting for historical accuracy (though the show isn't historically accurate at all, it's just an entirely different universe) and the bounds of Merlin's magic would be tricky. Maybe one day.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? HAHAHAHAHA so... I did use to write more than one fic at once, waaaay back in the day, but have long since learned my lesson. I refuse to have true WIPs anymore - I only develop one idea at a time - and don't even publish a story until it's complete or almost complete (and fully outlined). Why? Well, there's one WIP I will NEVER finish. It's a Supernatural fic on ff.net with 6 chapters (out of a planned minimum of 10), first published in March of 2007 and last updated in February of 2008. Ooops.

It most recently received a review in 2015, which reads as follows: "WOW! ...update any time soon?...PLEASE...k"

Yeah. So. Never again for me.

16. What are your writing strengths? Based on the comments I receive, I think my strengths are characterization and dialogue. Oddly enough, these are two of my insecurities, but I think that my hyperfixation on both (knowing that I need to consciously work on them) has led to vast improvement.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I often have a difficult time coming up with the initial premise, and am not nearly as creative as many of the writers out there I admire. Ideas usually come without me trying - such as late at night or in the shower - so I jot them down whenever that happens. That's all that seems to work for me. FTH was great in that it took a bit of the burden off and allowed me to elicit prompts from bidders instead.

I also struggle to weave incredibly complex stories. I don't think I'll ever be one of those writers who can write 100k-plus fics full of twists and turns. My plots tend to be more narrow, focused, and immediate.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? As cool as this is - and I may be able to do this with Spanish, as it was my university minor - I wouldn't want dialogue to read as clunky or unnatural to a native speaker or to impede the flow of the prose (I'd want to add translations when possible in parentheses so as not to discourage readers who are not bilingual, unless the dialogue is short and can be translated in an end note).

In Genius, I have excerpts here and there in Serbian, but I ultimately use English to express longer Serbian dialogue (between <brackets> rather than "quotation marks" to indicate the difference in language being spoken and with the acknowledgement that translations are never 1-1. For me, this also helped preserve Sherlock's personality and ensure it could shine through.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Smallville! Way back in 2006. It was terrible; I killed Clark in an alternate version of S5's Hidden. I'm not sure what used to be the appeal of character death to me. You'd never catch me writing it now.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? It's hard to choose, but I have two answers for different reasons. The fic I'm most proud of writing is Genius. I worked SO, SO hard on the story outline, plot, and the symbolism and clues thrown in throughout. It's my longest and most complex story so far at 51K words, too.

The story I believe to be my best is Never Been Better; specifically, its first chapter. I don't think I've since written a more in-character version of Sherlock or a starker portrayal of his emotions.

I also have a huge soft spot for my Harry Potter fic The Truth at Last, which is the first fic I ever posted to AO3. It marks a huge improvement in my writing from when I first started it in 2012, as I was able to return to it in 2019/20 with a more mature perspective.

I'll tag anyone who hasn't yet been tagged and would like to join! (Sorry for the lack of creativity there - I'm always afraid I'll forget someone).

[ballerinapriincess]

Fics from the Flower Inventory ;

;; Sorry for the lack of activity these past months! I've been dealing with some stuff IRL that has consumed my attention.

;; In celebration of completing my Rainbow Garden in Animal Crossing and the 10th Anniversary of this blog, I thought it was time to unearth some fics I drafted on Google Docs some years ago, under a document I used to list hybrid flowers I was breeding in Animal Crossing, dating back to 2021.

As someone who has Dyslexia, it was more comfortable to write these as drabbles, or ficlets. The Flower Inventory Series contains 3 FusionFall ficlets, testing two styles of writing. They're currently undergoing revisions to make sure the writing flows and the tone holds. The fics will be linked below as they are posted.

🌸 Flower Inventory, p. 1 A DeeDark drabble in third person, describing the end of the day at Mandark Industries.

🌸 Flower Inventory, p. 3 A DeeDark drabble also describing the end of the day at Mandark Industries, but from Mandark's perspective. Written last, but posted second for continuity.

🌸 Flower Inventory, p. 2 A third person drabble describing a day in Dee Dee's life as a "Hero". Posted last as it is still under review.

Special thanks to everyone that helped me proof these! See you next week!

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

after a year long break, I replayed TFS

I haven’t been too active in the twdg fandom for about a year now, only popping in from time to time to talk about the Clementine comic or to answer the occasional ask. 

A lot has happened- I got into the Dragon Age series and created a side blog dedicated to it, got a new job, played a LOT of Stardew Valley, read Clementine Book One enough times to make me weep all for the sake of a review, gave Skyrim a second chance and that went terribly, went on the search for a good sapphic romance novel but have yet to find one, replayed Fallout: New Vegas and remembered why it’s my favorite Fallout game, and it’s November so I’m crying about nanowrimo.   

I haven’t touched The Final Season, or any Telltale game, since September of last year. My interactions with the fandom on this blog have been scarce, especially when you look at the way I used to post in 2018-2021 by comparison. But I got an email the other day from tumblr telling me that this blog turned 4 years old. I began looking through all of my old content and that inspired me to boot up TFS and experience it once again to see if my opinions changed.

Spoiler alert: A lot have. 

I wasn’t planning on writing a post like this when I did my replay. After all, as I’m working on this it’s nanowrimo. I may or may not be an anxious mess, it’s fine, I’m fine. 

I’m aware that the fandom isn’t exactly thriving at the moment but I feel like I need to get these feelings out of my system.

Y’see, it’s fascinating. I spent years running this blog- so many themed nights, talking with you guys and answering asks, writing fics, getting into dumb arguments, saying dumb things, and streaming the series on Mixer and Twitch, and for the most part? My views/opinions on the series were fairly consistent. There are a few exceptions, like my feelings on Minerva as a character changing or why I now choose to leave Lee at the end of S1 rather than shoot him, but everything else I was rather sure of. 

So imagine my surprise when I finished and many of my opinions changed. 

Turns out, time makes a fool of us all and spending a year away from the fandom and the series has shifted my perspective quite a bit. I’m able to set aside those rose-tinted glasses, but not get rid of them entirely. 

I still stand by TFS as being a fantastic conclusion to the series. It was the ending Clementine deserved, and it’s still my favorite. 

I believe the overall plot holds up great- Clementine and AJ find a new home. They have to fight to protect the people that become their found family. Clementine potentially falls in love or finds herself a best friend. The bond between Clementine and AJ is strong but tested in each episode. And to make matters emotionally complicated, the antagonist is someone from S1. 

It’s flawed, sure, but point me in the direction of a plot you believe isn’t and I’ll find something to nitpick just to spite you. 

I couldn’t imagine a better continuation/end point for Clementine’s story, and I will forever be grateful that this is just as much AJ’s story as it is Clementine’s.

I think this is the best looking game of the series. The school is something to admire for how beat up and overgrown it is, and the walkers are so decayed they’re practically walking skeletons with some flesh clinging to their bones. The character designs are great. The controls are easy, gameplay for Telltale games always are. The only time I had any trouble is the section where you have to distract the walkers so that James can retrieve his mask. I died three times before I was able to complete it without killing a single walker.... I did it all for you, James! 

I also prefer the over-the-shoulder camera versus the fixed camera of the previous games. A lovely change, that one. 

Oh, and the collectables!  I love the collectables, that was such a great feature to implement into this game. Giving Clementine and AJ their own dorm that you can decorate with things you’ve collected makes it feel like home, like this is where Clementine is going to stay. For a lot of people, the last time Clementine had a room was back in S1 at the motor-inn, and she does have a room with AJ if you stayed at Wellington. I just like collecting things, man, it’s fun! Love it, I collect every item!

A big problem I do still have with this season is it’s only four episodes. Yes, it’s still a damn good season, but it always gives me a sense that it’s this close to being the best game Telltale ever created. So many things fall short and it sucks because they were so close, y’know? If they had just one more episode, they could’ve had time to cross the finish line.

I know that some of the developers have said they only needed four episodes to tell the story they wanted to tell and that’s why a fifth episode was cut. If that’s true, then I believe that might’ve been a mistake. If they said it was just a budget thing [and knowing Telltale, that probably was the more important factor] so they cut an episode and had to find a story they could tell in four, or cutting an episode meant they could improve things previous games were criticized for. I’d be more inclined to forgive it if that were the case. 

But if it was just a creative choice and they could’ve easily had five episodes, it’s one that prevented it from surpassing two games that I would consider the best they ever made: Tales from the Borderlands and Batman: Enemy Within.

However, I’m aware that adding one more episode could’ve caused the season to crash and burn. Fair enough. We’ll never actually know how things would’ve turned out had they stuck to the five episode structure the previous installments followed. It might’ve become bloated, or dragged into boring territories, or more characters would’ve been killed off to fulfill a kill count, or more choices would need to be implemented that would’ve only furthered the illusion of choice these games are often criticized about.

The pacing can feel really rushed in a lot of spots, especially with the final episode. And yes, I know the fast pace was intentional, I watched the commentaries. Just because it was intentional doesn’t magically fix anything, it’s still a problem I have with it. 

Lilly and the delta could’ve used more fleshing out. Most of the Ericson crew are underdeveloped. I would’ve liked to interact with Louis and Violet more before the Marlon confrontation, as well as more opportunities to interact with the others. 

Speaking of characters, as much as I would love to write these grand essays about each character and what worked, what didn’t, all that… I don’t have time. Some will get longer sections than others, and I’ll discuss any opinions that have changed, as well as things that stuck out to me as I was playing.

Normally I’d start Clementine and work my way down to the antagonists, but fuck it, let’s start with our antagonists and work our way up. 

Lilly, Abel, and the delta are terrible but in a good way

Fighting the raiders in this game feels like a final stand, y’know? These delta assholes want to kidnap people to fight in their war and they feel justified in this because they see those opposing them as worse. The delta aren’t the real baddies, they’re just trying to survive by any means necessary and they need people to fight, otherwise they’ll lose everything they worked for... but a lot of morals get muddied and downright tossed out in the process where these kids they’re taking, abusing, and traumatizing aren’t really people to them until they submit. 

Lilly can have Louis’ tongue cut out and not bat an eye because he isn’t a person to her, he’s a “recruit” who stepped out of line. They’re all “recruits,” but that gets complicated when she sees Clementine as a person. 

The raiders are a bunch of pieces of shit, no doubt, and they deserve what they got in the end for what they did, but I do like that you can look at them and say “I understand you want to protect your home and your people, that’s an honorable goal, one that mirrors our goal.... but this isn’t the way to do it, you’ve lost too much of your humanity and it will be your downfall.” 

Honestly, I think the Delta vs Ericson group dynamics and what they’re willing to do to survive is interesting to compare and contrast. 

Like the delta loses Abel in ep2 during the fight, and we get to interrogate him at the beginning of ep3. He tries to tell Clementine that Lilly’s on her way to get him but we all know that’s not true. The delta cut their losses. Despite needing people to fight in their war, they’re quick to kill, maim, or abandon and it has little effect on the group as a whole. They’ll just get more recruits, Abel is expendable, replaceable. Lilly’s upset when she hears what his ultimate fate was, but I wouldn’t say she’s distraught because she cared deeply about him as a person.

But then you have Ericson where losing two members, Marlon and Brody, rocks the entire foundation of the group. It causes rifts in relationships because they value each other a lot more as individuals. They’re younger, and the group is way smaller. Marlon’s betrayal left wounds, Brody’s death scared them, and the decision of what to do with Clementine and AJ wasn’t an easy one and they fought about it. When Aasim, Omar, and Louis/Violet get captured, the group doesn’t decide to cut their losses and more forward. That’s something Marlon would do. Instead, they risk so much to infiltrate the boat and save them. They’re not just three lost bodies, they’re people, friends. They plan to blow up the boat to kill the raiders so that they can’t harm anyone ever again. 

I like an antagonist who mirrors the protagonist. Lilly and Clementine, delta and Ericson, what are they trying to do? Protect their home and people against an enemy, to survive, to have food and water and a chance to live in a world where the dead roam. But their methods? Very different. They’re not on the same scale and again, the moral compasses are all over the place, and they treat their people differently. 

Both Clementine and Lilly are leaders who go to great lengths to protect their communities, they’ve both suffered a lot of trauma, their father figures play a big role in who they eventually become for better or worse. They both wandered alone until they found people and a home, a reason to keep going, and now they’re desperate to protect that because without it, they will have nothing left and that’s terrifying.

Plus, there’s the bonus of realizing Clementine could potentially become Lilly if she went down the wrong path. I mean, look at some of the shit she pulls in ANF. No one wants to hear that but there is it. What’s important is Clementine makes it clear that she’s not Lilly... and I hate to say it, but if Lilly lives, there is a possibility that she could change for the better, too, and I kinda like that. 

Not excusing the bullshit she pulled. The only reason she’s even alive is because she manipulated her way into murdering James before the boat exploded. It’s hard to believe a woman who forced Minerva to relive the trauma of being forced to murder her own twin sister just so that Lilly could make a point to Clementine, or as mentioned before, having Louis’ tongue cut out. Or murdering Mitch... kidnapping children in the name of survival, brainwashing.... just a lot of bad stuff- it’s hard to believe a woman who did all of that could ever possibly change. She certainly appears unredeemable. 

However, in the end she’s left with nothing but the weight of everything she did and knowing she did this to herself yet again. Might be the push she needs, and I’ve seen worse characters not waste their second chance. 

Or you can just have AJ shoot her and then she rots. After all, your choices do matter, yes? 

I know I’ve given Lilly as an antagonist shit in the past, complained about how they could’ve picked a better character to bring back, she sucks and I hate having to deal with her, blah blah blah...

but well actually Lilly is a great antagonist, ignore past CJ, past CJ doesn’t know anything and she’s dumb. 

In my opinion, Lilly was the best option for a character to make a return as an antagonist. Yeah, yeah, “what about Christa??” I hear you, but Christa wouldn’t be nearly as compelling and this whole cry for what happened to Christa is old and tired and I think we should just accept that we will never, ever know. 

Lilly is such a piece of shit, she’s so terrible, I hate her but I also really, really like her as the central antagonist. 

And look, I know so many people in this fandom don’t like nuance, they want a simple good or bad answer, especially with characters and other things they don’t like because it’s easier since “brain thinkies made hurt happen no like.” Which fair enough, I can totally relate, that’s an exact quote from me whenever someone tries to talk to me about Loghain from Dragon Age: Origins and I don’t have the emotional energy to deal with everything I know of him from the books that play into the game so I go sit in my sad corner and ignore everything.

but c’mon, look at Lilly and tell me she’s a poorly written, one-dimensional villain. You can’t! If you do, I will point my little finger at you and loudly declare, “I respectfully disagree.” 

She’s fucked up, she’s got her head up her own ass, she really wants to be in control as this intimidating, scary bitch who won’t hesitate to put a knife to your throat whenever she feels like it. She uses her power to manipulate and cause harm so that she never has to experience the helplessness she felt when she was alone and had nothing. She waltzes into Clementine’s cell with such threatening energy, but she’s also relaxed because she knows Clementine can’t do shit. And she’s impressed. She’s genuinely impressed at what Clementine almost accomplished. She sees that Clementine is the golden goose that made this entire trip and its losses worth it. Even if the delta lost everyone they captured but still had Clementine [and AJ] then it would still work in their favor. 

With Clementine, she hesitates. She shows little sprinkles of humanity and it throws her off kilter. Honestly, it almost feels like a performance in the cells, y’know? I’ve given Lilly shit for appearing sympathetic in ep2 only to turn around and be a nasty asshole in ep3 which I still do somewhat think, but this time around? Watching Lilly’s body language and the way she speaks does make me believe it’s all a part of some game she’s playing. Deep down, she’s still the scared little girl who wants to pretend she’s a tough bitch no one can hurt, and that’s the performance. And everyone buys it. It only cracks with Clementine. 

To me, that shows just how far gone she is. The others aren’t people, they’re “recruits.” They’re expendable despite the fact that the delta are supposedly at war and need people to fight. Lilly doesn’t want to see someone like Louis as a person because then she has to face the reality that she’s become a monster who believes cutting someone’s tongue out is necessary. She’s become the St. John’s who definitely didn’t see Mark as a person, and justified cannibalism with “all the dead do is eat people, it’s a waste! We were brought up not to waste, those folks were gonna die anyway, we do what is necessary to survive!” 

THAT is the kind of shit she’s going to have to face if you spare her and she’s alone again. 

It gets worse when she goes on about her father and it gives me this eerie feeling to hear the way she speaks knowing that Larry probably did more to traumatize her than just “he let our power get cut to teach me a lesson about turning the lights off, no more ice cream” like....... what the fuck bruh

I could honestly go on and on about Lilly as the main antagonist but I still have everyone else to cover, so I want to cover Abel next. 

Stinky man bad and that’s good

I think he’s another great character. The dude’s name is Abel and he smokes hand-rolled bible cigarettes. He survives losing an arm. He’s a fucking dumpster fire who spends most of his screen time getting the shit beat outta him. He’s a huge creep, and he looks like the kind of man who wouldn’t shower for a month but then drench himself in axe body spray as if that’s the same thing as bathing. 

But he’s a damn good character. I love that AJ is scared of him, that Abel is what AJ has nightmares about. It fleshes out AJ’s character while also establishing that Abel is scary. We meet him and you watch him approach Clementine and you just know this dude is a creep, you know he’s hiding something beneath the false chill he seems to have, and you know he won’t hesitate to hurt Clementine or AJ over some food. 

He also has no attachment to Clementine like Lilly does and he’s all “what the fuck is this??” when Lilly wastes time talking to her, trying to convince her to come peacefully. Abel is focused on the job and he’s got unfinished business with them if you pushed him out the window. Oh, speaking of which, the dude gets bit and survives because he either chopped off his own arm or he made it back in time for the raiders to do it... hate him all you want, but I’m impressed he survived. The dude’s like a cockroach- a scrawny, ugly little cockroach.

Also he has a magic shotgun that somehow misses Clementine but manages to hit AJ so that’s pretty cool. 

And the fight with him at the end of ep2 is soooo good. He gets his shit rocked and it’s great! Then the shot of him realizing he’s fucked as the Ericson crew surround him is *chef kiss*

His interrogation scene in ep3 where he breaks down, begging to not become a walker is my favorite from him. Like Lilly, he’s a piece of shit, but he’s at the point where he knows he’s going to die and everything hits him all at once. He talks about how it wasn’t supposed to end up like this and things got out of hand. The dude is broken, he knows he’s lost and all he wants is to be put out of his misery so that he doesn’t turn. 

He shows some humanity in the end and again, I know some of you don’t like it when antagonists do that, it’s so much easier when they’re one-dimensional and pure evil… but that humanity, that’s the beauty and horror of it! Abel’s an unredeemable piece of shit but he’s human and that’s scary. 

Minerva is not only a victim of the delta but of “uwu-ification” and it upsets me because she’s a fascinating, tragic character but the Minnie crowd are more interested in sexualizing/romanticizing her because they think she’s hot

....is the title of this section too blunt? Meh, I don’t really care.

Look, If you like Minerva, great. So do I. Even if you like the uwu-ification of her but aren’t pushy or obnoxious about it, then fine. I’m not criticizing you, I’m criticizing the “Minnie crowd” who are usually found mostly on instagram, but also on reddit, sometimes they pop up on here, and there are a few on wattpad and AO3. Or in my inbox under anon... I’ve gotten my fair share of Minnie crowd anons that were rather unpleasant.

I wrote an entire post about her and why I keep cringing at the Minnie crowd who seem to either toss away her trauma [and let’s be real, her character as a whole] because they feel it gets in the way of their fanon or they romanticize it because heeeeyyyy wouldn’t it hot if she and Clementine fought and then made out? Wouldn’t it be hot if she tried to kill Clementine and Violet?? CJ, you just don’t get it! Man, it’s soooo hot that Minnie’s tortured and sad and fucked up and feral and traumatized, like she killed her twin sister, let’s give her a new girlfriend to fix her trauma or turn her into a caricature to add some questionable drama to violentine~

Hm? What’s that about “a chip on my shoulder?” His name is Tim and he hates this shit, too, what of it?

Listen, I will never not have a bone to pick with the uwu-ification of Minerva, okay? I fully admit it. I think it’s an insult to the well-written character we were given and it only happened because she didn’t meet the flowery expectations of thirsty fans.

It personally annoys me that over time fans stopped caring about Minerva as she’s portrayed in the game in favor of turning her into a caricature who’s main character traits are that she likes girls and she’s mean. She is an excellent, complex antagonist with one of the most memorable death scenes in all of TWDG. She’s a tragedy. 

She’s an example of what the delta does to its recruits and.... I don’t understand how you can say you love her as a character when you erase everything about her except her sexuality just so that you can ship her with someone she canonically hates and attempts to murder more than once, or force her back together with Violet which Vi doesn’t deserve that, I’m sorry, but she doesn’t!  

Actually it kinda reminds me of what some DA fans will do to Anders. Listen, I shamefully, bitterly admit to being a serial Anders romancer in DA2, okay?  And uwu-ification happens to him and it makes my brain mad!

I know uwu-ification happens to most characters to some degree within fandoms and it’s usually fairly harmless. I’ve heard every counter-argument and excuse you could possibly throw at me to justify it with Minerva. And look, I’ve definitely taken part in uwu-ification of characters in the past and I’m not proud to admit that, I’m trying to be better at appreciating characters for what they are while not being overtaken by fanon, y’know? So I get it, but at the same time this is an exception where it makes me physically uncomfortable due to the attitude of the Minnie crowd and I hate it.  

Minerva's a goddamn tragedy. She was traded away with her sister and the raiders broke her! They broke everything about her!

Y’all wanted her to do a 180 and turn on the delta for us and that was never going to happen! We knew that from the moment we finally met her! She’s too far gone, she’s only in two outta four episodes, there isn’t enough time to develop a redemption arc for her! She wasn’t ever going to have a change of heart! She’s not the Grinch, you can’t just say some pretty words and then her heart grows three sizes and suddenly a years worth of brainwashing and trauma are gone! She is a broken person now who would need years of professional therapy and god knows what else to recover! She considers the delta, the people who forced her to murder Sophie, her home now, her FAMILY! She is a tragedy we were never going to save! 

She’s surrounded by a shit ton of walkers, shooting and chopping away as she watches the raiders, the people she now calls family, fall one by one. She’s yelling at the walkers to get away from them, she doesn’t give a single shit about the Ericson crew, she doesn’t even wonder where Tenn is. 

Then a walker bites her and she keeps going! A fucking walker bites off part of her face! And she just fucking shoots it and touches the wound! This girl was so far gone from reality that she’s turning into the undead herself but instead of giving up, she wanders through the forest, singing Don’t Be Afraid, all because she wants to find Tenn so that she can murder him so they can be with their family again and y’all don’t care! Why don’t y’all care?? Erase it, none of that actually matters!! 

She’s such a great, complex character but hardly anyone gives a shit about her unless it’s in the context of her sexuality. It is so goddamn frustrating that I know only one person willing to have a discussion with me about her actual character instead of just going “no, you’re wrong!” and then refusing to elaborate on why I’m apparently such a piece of shit for thinking clemerva is toxic. 

I just- what else can I say that I haven’t already said? This playthrough made me appreciate her so much as a character and as a “final boss,” so to speak, and knowing in the end that she got what she wanted because I chose to trust AJ makes my skin crawl and I love it. What a good consequence to that choice, as tragic and unfair as it is, holy shit. I take back any shit I might’ve said about it being a shitty choice, I was wrong and dumb. 

God, what a tragic antagonist, she’s so good and I wish she had more actual appreciation. 

Dude, Marlon’s pretty great ngl

I have an entire character analysis I wrote for Marlon already, so I won’t spend too much time on him.

I believe Marlon holds up wonderfully as ep1′s secret antagonist. He’s a great character and the writers did a great job of establishing him as friendly but cautious when Clementine first meets him, then elaborates on how he handles his position as the group’s leader. He’s stressed, he’s holding a lot of guilt, fear, and shame for what happened to the twins, and now he’s brought two more mouths to feed into the group. We get an idea of his longtime friendship with Louis, how he butts heads with Aasim over the safe zone, and how he handles his frustration and anger… as in he usually doesn’t handle it well and opts for the “everything is fine” route when things are clearly not fine. 

And I know I’ve said this a million times… but the final confrontation with him at the end of ep1 is perfect. The rain, the thunder and lightning, the confusion, everyone rushing outside to find AJ pointing a gun at Marlon who is covered in Brody’s blood, so many emotions and accusations being thrown around, god it’s so good. 

Though there is one thing that has changed for me after doing the replay after all this time: I’m glad Marlon died in ep1. 

I know that sounds terrible coming from someone who used to always go off about, “Man, Marlon should’ve been determinant! AU where AJ shoots him non-fatally and he survives the season! He gets kicked out of the school and picked up by the raiders and has a redemption arc!”

Not so much now. I think Marlon’s role as it is in ep1 is perfect. The only things I would change would be a bit more information on his friendship with Louis and the other characters commenting their feelings about his leadership. But other than that? They nailed it. 

This season didn’t need a Marlon redemption arc. Sure, it would’ve been nice, and I would’ve liked more Marlon just for Ray Chase’s performance alone. However, this season isn’t equipped for something like that which would need time and great care to do well. Three episodes wouldn’t be enough, and it wouldn’t be important enough for the overall plot that it’s entirely possible it would’ve ruined an already great character, or taken away from the other great elements of the story and its characters. 

Just like Minerva, Marlon was never going to get redeemed. He wasn’t built for that. 

His death is great, though. He, Brody, and Minerva have the best executed deaths this season for sure. It’s built up well considering it’s the confrontation in the rain that ends with a confession, only for AJ to shoot him in the back of the head and kickstart a huge conflict within the story. 

Marlon’s a great character, he serves his purpose well and once again, I found myself truly appreciating him for what he is rather than being butthurt that he didn’t get a redemption arc that wouldn’t’ve worked anyway. 

James is so damn interesting, where is his spin off story? Oh wait, Skybound nO, IGNORE THAT-

Dude, I fucking love James. 

This guy is fascinating as hell and if I had any faith in Skybound producing good content related to TWDG, I would ask for a spinoff story about James.... but they made the Clementine comic instead and so I’m politely asking them to keep their stinky, greasy fingers off of him instead. 

God, where do I even begin with James? How about the fact that this dude is an ex-whisperer who wanders around wearing walker skin so he can blend in with herds? He keeps a barn full of walkers as a means of “protecting” them from harm? because he’s so alone with his own thoughts and memories of who he used to be that it warped his perception of the walkers? to where he now views them as “something in between” and he believes being a walker sounds peaceful? and when you consider that walkers don’t think, they don’t remember, they just wander and eat and exist? that’s something that would sound appealing to someone so lonely and full of shame? 

Like… James is so sad. I feel bad for him. Even if I don’t agree with this idea that walkers have something human in them, more so because I hope they don’t, I still respect his wishes to not kill the walkers when he asks. I’m willing to listen to him explain how he thinks, and I try to respond as politely as I can while also keeping my Clementine’s attitude in mind. 

And he’s STILL sad in the end no matter what his fate ends up being. Either he’s stabbed in the back by Lilly and left to become a walker, or he witnesses a child kill Lilly and it breaks a piece inside of him where he loses it and tries to separate AJ and Clementine. 

Which can I just say that while I understand not liking James because he’s a hypocrite if he makes it to the cave scene, I can’t agree that it’s poor writing. 

Yes, you’re right, James IS a hypocrite and that’s the point! 

It makes sense with his character! He’s pulling the “I will make peace with violence” card and it’s irrational, it’s bullshit. It’s a huge breaking point for him. This whole time he’s been on about wanting peace, that walkers are something in between and that’s why he protects them, why he feels conflicted about giving his aid to Clementine to save her friends. It’s like he’s so worried and afraid that he’s going to revert back to who he was, or that others are going to become like he was that he’s overcompensating. It’s bad enough that it blinds him to the danger Lilly still possesses even if she’s down with a gun pointed at her. It’s as AJ says, James didn’t see what she did, he has little context for who she is, and he’s more concerned that AJ is the one with the gun. Though, I would argue that he’d still try to stop you if it was Clementine holding the gun, but either way. 

In the end, he’s either killed as your friend, or you’re forced to confront him as a friend turned antagonist and try to convince him that his argument isn’t as cut and clear as he wants it to be. 

I find him compelling and I love what they were able to do with him in such a short amount of time. 

Also, in my playthrough, I spared Lilly so James died and came back as a walker and I can’t look at him like that without remembering the nightmare that was half the fandom talking about how hot walker James is and how they’d let him eat them........ that happened and I wish I could pretend it didn’t hhnnngggg-

Rosie is best girl

Telltale giving us an animal companion and NOT killing her off for dramatic effect? Nawwww but it worked soooo well in MCSM with Rueben!

Oh wait, no it didn’t, Rueben’s death was hilariously bad. Whoops. 

I want to kick off getting into the Ericson crew by informing everyone that Rosie is best girl and I am forever thankful she survived to the end of the season. I love that they brought back Clementine’s trauma with dogs from S2 and allowed her to warm up to Rosie at her own pace. 

I like to think of Rosie as an apology to us from Telltale for what they did with Sam in S2... y’know, forcing us to deal with a smaller Clementine getting attacked by a dog and forcing her to either kill him or leave him to suffer.

Instead of that, we have Rosie who mostly chills out around Ericson, fights off walkers, bites the shit outta Abel, and goes on a fishing trip with AJ at the end. 

What else can I say? She’s a lovely addition, thank you.

Omar exists

Omar is a character who exists in TFS and really, that’s about it. 

I mean, sure, he’s the group cook and he gets shot and kidnapped, and he survives to the end, which good for him.

Yeeeeeeah so I don’t feel strongly about Omar one way or the other. The most entertaining thing about him is knowing his history as The Chef God Omar and how Telltale got in on the joke by actually thanking Omar in the credits alongside Clementine’s eyebrows. That’s a lot of fun. 

I do have my own backstory for him that I wrote forever ago but just Omar in-game? Meh. He’s there. He does some stuff. He survives. That’s about it.

Unfortunately Willy is a character I don’t feel that strongly about

I feel bad for not liking Willy as much as I used to while doing this replay. Really, he only becomes interesting in ep3 when we get development with him coming to terms with Mitch’s death. 

I don’t have any real complaints about Willy, other than maybe the chronic masturbation joke which was pretty cringe. Though the game still got a chuckle outta me for Clementine pointing at Louis like “Don’t you dare” when AJ asks what that is, only for Tenn to lean over and tell him anyway.

I like how Willy’s reaction to Mitch’s death was handled even if their relationship was severely underdeveloped. They’re both side characters so I give it a small pass, especially with showing Willy mourn and lash out at Tenn. I do appreciate how Willy came to the conclusion that it wasn’t Tenn’s fault and that he shouldn’t have shoved Tenn down, and he knows he should apologize. It’s good to see younger characters admit when they’re wrong, be sincere in their apologies and move forward in a better way. I also like that he takes over as the Ericson crew’s bomb maker, following Mitch’s notes and doing research in books, all that. 

Y’know, I would split the Ericson crew into two categories, with the first being the more fleshed out, essential characters who fill an important role, such as Louis and Violet. You can’t remove one of them without removing a huge part of the story. 

The second is the category Willy falls into, which is characters who are given a bare minimum of development but don’t carry as much significance, they’re there to fill a seat at the table during the happy ending. If you wanted to, you could switch characters around, or remove them, and not much would change about the plot. Willy could’ve died and Mitch lived, and things would’ve played out the same just with Mitch mourning Willy’s death then making a bomb to blow up the boat. 

Willy’s fine, he’s likable enough. That’s all I got. 

Mitch is.....not great uh oh what the fuck

.........................no seriously what the fuck?

Yeah, so Mitch isn’t a great character, and as I type that I can feel myself taking a sledgehammer to a huge chunk of the foundation holding this blog up. 

Aside from Louis and Clementine, y’know who was a big player in my blog content? Mitch! 

Y’know what other ship along side clouis had a big impact on my blog? Jamitch! 

Now I’m sitting here with a lot of questions.

He’s not a bad character, that’s not what I mean when I say he’s not great. No, he’s a fine character who fulfils his role in the game. He can be a dick, he’s the one who calls the vote to get Clementine and AJ kicked out, but he can also be quite funny at times. There is a moment of softness with him that you only get when you choose to burn Ms. Martin. It’s interesting that he knows how to make bombs... but then he dies so that we can have a kill count and it’s like.... huh. I remember being a lot more pissed about that.

His death is still dumb, don’t get me wrong. Running at Lilly like that was a stupid thing to do and it lead to a gruesome, painful death for him. 

But someone had to die and Omar wouldn’t’ve impacted anyone soooo.... Mitch got some development so that we’d feel bad seeing him get killed, a true The Walking Dead death. 

One thing that’s apparent to me now that I’m revisiting this after so long is how bloated my head was with canon, fanon, headcanon, “I don’t like this so it’s bad and it should’ve been this instead,” fixating on things outside of the game rather than it in, building off of each other and creating au’s....

It’s me taking off those rose tinted glasses to look at a game with characters I adore and knowing I only thought some of them were so great was because I projected my ideal version onto them. I have fics written about Mitch that explore his character because I liked him, he died, and I was like, “I don’t like that, I can fix it, I can fix everything I don’t like and then it will be better,” so I did. 

But now I look at Mitch and he’s in the same category as Willy, but he’s also just another tally on the death quota. He’s not a favorite anymore and that’s kind of a bitter thing for me to swallow. 

I will say, I’m still curious about the idea of jamitch as far as “what would these characters say to each other if they met?” but would I say it’s a big ship for me now...? Not really, and not just because they’re two characters who never canonically meet or because I no longer think them meeting would be interesting.... it’s just, I’m no longer attached to Mitch so any ships with him hold little appeal to me. It’s actually bizarre to go back and read my jamitch stuff because it doesn’t even feel like it came from me. I don’t think I ship it anymore.

Oh look, my foundation is crumbling, aaaaaaaahh-!

I like Mitch, he’s a jackass, he didn’t deserve to die, but he’s definitely not a favorite anymore and it gives me a lot of mixed feelings that I don’t quite know where to put yet.

Brody is… okay

So… it’s probably not a great sign when my favorite Brody scene is when she turns into a walker and hunts Clementine in the basement, huh? 

Here’s the problem with Brody… you only get more character development with her if you go fishing in ep1, which I never do. Because of this, my interactions of her consist of her introducing herself, then the next day she panics and calls me stupid for pushing Abel out the window… then she tells me the truth about the twins and Marlon kills her…. So I can’t say I’m invested in her character until we get down in the basement, and by then it’s too late. She’s another character who exists in this story to give crucial information before dying.  

But damn, fighting off walker Brody is one of the best parts of the game. The atmosphere, the guttural groaning, the thunder, moving through the dark with only a flashlight as a defense, wonderfully executed scene. 

Other than that, though… I can’t say she really compelled me. I even watched Violet’s full romance on youtube for her section, and it obviously included everything for when you go fishing and yeah, Brody’s nice and she does have a great purpose in the episode. You get a sense of loneliness from her but this scene isn’t really about her… well, it is but the main focus is on Violet and us interacting with her to help repair the relationship with Brody more so than the scene being about Brody herself. 

And yes, her being the only other person to know about the twins and keeping the secret with Marlon is interesting. You can tell she’s reaching a boiling point that Marlon’s trying to keep a lid over but the steam's rising, water’s boiling over, and Brody confesses everything to Clementine… then Marlon kills her and tries to pin it on Clementine. 

I do think there’s a discussion to be had about why Brody didn’t come clean before and what that says about her character. I just wish the game wanted to have that discussion a little more before she died. 

She completely points the finger at Marlon whereas he claims they’re in everything together. So, is Marlon lying or is Brody unwilling to accept she’s just as responsible for not stepping in or coming clean earlier? Did Brody keep everything a secret because she was scared of Marlon or was it to save her own ass? Perhaps some of both? I dunno, and I’ll never know because she died.

Oh, also... this is probably the point where I should mention my history as a briolet shipper.

I don’t think it’s a good ship anymore. 

You can’t hear it, but I’m laughing... I’m laughing because aside from clouis, all of my other ships are just crumbling and I can’t save them. 

Looking back I’m pretty sure I only shipped it because I felt pressure to give Violet a girlfriend after all the shit people gave me. Sure, I genuinely liked it at the time but let’s be real, it’s another case of slapping two pretty girls together and saying, “look, girlfriends” because we’re dumb and easy and like to pretend as if that’s enough... which I don’t believe it is. I hate when people do that and here I am... just slap a walker mask on my head and call me James because whoops, I did the thing I hate! I am shame! I’m trying not to do that anymore!

But yeah, Brody’s fine, she served the story fine, and her walker scene is bitchin’. 

TWDG where everything is the same but Aasim wears a shirt that says “wasted potential”

I’m actually kinda mad about Aasim. 

No, really, I’m mad. I still look at this dude in ep1 and say, “wow they really set you up as important and then did nothing with you, huh?” 

Because yeah, why have a character who pointedly challenges Marlon,  who you can choose to spend time with, who stood in between extremes when it came to the vote,  why set up an interesting character with pay off when you can just NOT do that? 

Why pay off his conflict with Marlon by having him act as leader, effectively leaving both Louis and Violet out of the leadership position to bring in more balance? I’m sorry, I know the Violet crowd hates me for saying Aasim should’ve been leader instead of her but I truly believe he was the better option.

I don’t like the direction of putting her in a leadership position because I believe that should’ve gone to a neutral party between her and Louis..... y’know, Aasim.  I understand a lot of people look at that as part of Violet’s arc of a not liking people to suddenly being in charge of a group, and fair enough, it should make sense but I look at the way she's written and I can’t help but think she’s not a good leader, I’m sorry. 

She doesn’t have the skillset and she doesn’t gain the skillset over time. Yelling and belittling people, not trying to level with them or see things through their eyes, not taking the entire group into consideration when having Tenn bring Clementine and AJ to the funeral, it’s not good and it unbalances things. 

Aside from Clementine, no one wants to talk to her when there’s an issue. It’s actually one of the funniest moments in ep2 when Aasim and Willy are arguing, Violet yells at them “guys, what the fuck!?” and instead of telling her the problem, they immediately turn to fucking Louis who is just standing there like “I don’t... you don’t have to scream at each other? stop looking at me, I’m not in charge??” They should feel comfortable talking to their leader but they don’t and that’s a problem! And it doesn’t even get better in ep3 because Clementine pretty much takes charge from that point no matter what! So?? What are we doin’ here??

“Oh but Aasim would be a bad leader because he got mad at Willy! He doesn’t have the skillset!” 

Character assassination might be too big of a term for this case... but I’d call this character abandonment, as in they set Aasim up for this position and then didn’t follow through with it so he’s left behind in a puddle of mud to sink slowly. 

In ep1, Aasim does show some leadership qualities in the way he puts the group first and develops back up plans. He challenges Marlon about the safe zone, he’s not unkind to anyone other than Louis, but you get the sense that that’s just their dynamic and it’s nothing malicious. Aasim’s responsible and he clearly cares about the group’s future. The dude keeps a journal to document everything so that they don’t repeat their mistakes. 

When it comes to Clementine and AJ, he isn’t blinded by his feelings of either “AJ murdered Marlon! He’s dangerous!” or “Marlon sucked anyway, it’s fine, I want them to stay.” 

He votes for them to stay because he knows Clementine and AJ are capable survivors and them staying increases their odds of surviving what’s to come, but he doesn’t just brush what happened under the rug or pretend it’s all fine and dandy. 

Don’t you dare tell me no one else stepped up when you made it clear Aasim was willing to stand up in ep1. His character made the most sense! Plus, he always ends up getting taken away by the raiders. If he were the leader, then that’s another blow to the Ericson crew- they’re without a leader once again, and now it’s Clementine’s turn to step up. 

But noooooo, instead we get “Oh uh.... I guess he has a crush on Ruby now... and he’s mean to Willy.... that’s about it. Oh and there he goes, getting kidnapped byeeee Aasiiiiiim~”

Nonsense, I say!

I like Aasim, he had a great start and no pay off. He and Brody were characters partnered up with Louis and Violet, suggesting they’re both important. Brody’s character had a pay off, and Aasim’s didn’t.... unless you count him getting together with Ruby as pay off but rusim is a bland ship. 

Yeah, I said it, rusim has very little going for it and I don’t know why any of us shipped it. I mean, they don’t talk to each other. We never get an actual conversation between them. They don’t flirt. They don’t have chemistry. He gets dared to give her a kiss and she punches him. She never shows any affection toward him and his affection toward her comes outta no where because they didn’t know what else to do with him and I think that’s a waste! 

The writers just pointed at them and said, “they’re holding hands,” and the fandom went “ohmuhgawd they’re holding hands!” because we’re easy and dumb and predictable!

They could’ve had chemistry if the game didn’t wait until the last five minutes to show them holding hands and feeding each other. Sure, it’s cute that they hold hands [though the feeding each other thing is weird] but any npcs could hold hands? Ruby could’ve held hands with Omar and I still would’ve gone “oh that’s cute.” 

Hell, now that I say that, Ruby and Omar getting together would’ve at least been funny after they set up Aasim liking her.... well, okay not funny for Aasim, but I would’ve laughed and I’m more important, buddy. 

Aasim is yet another case of this season almost having it but falling short. Should’ve had him replace Marlon, both Louis and Violet would’ve benefited from it. 

Ruby is great, I reeeeeeally like Ruby

I’ve always liked Ruby but I feel like this time around I truly appreciated her. 

She’s a character who teeters between the two categories I’ve talked about. She’s one of the more fleshed out characters in the Ericson crew, but she’s not quite on the same level as Louis and Violet, y’know? We see her consistently throughout the season, we learn more about her each episode, and she lives to the end to fill a seat at the table… where she spoon feeds Aasim and I quietly judge them for it. 

Ruby has one of the best introductions, too. She literally stomps up to us like, “‘Bout time you woke up! yer little boy bit me! >:[ shoulda took a boot to his head!” and then she stomps away! It’s so good! Plus, AJ’s apology scene with her is sweet. 

Ruby’s a charming character with a lot going for her. She’s established as the groups nurse, she learned to patch people up from Ms. Martin and that scene where the two are “reunited” in the greenhouse is heartbreaking. Ruby was a little girl with anger issues and you feel her grief when she looks at Ms. Martin’s decayed and overgrown corpse and says, “I just wish I could make her look like she did.” 

It’s a great character moment to show us how deeply Ruby feels things, y’know? She doesn’t try to hide her feelings, she wears her heart on her sleeve and there’s no shame in that. 

She throws a party [”hootenanny”] in ep3 when we’re at our lowest point. She wants everyone together the night before a dangerous rescue mission so no one has to be alone and scared. Hell, she even tries setting up some games so they can laugh and forget reality for a little bit... only for it to bite her in the butt when she brings out the student records and the reality of how many students have died since the start sinks in, then Louis/Violet share their backstories and Ruby is just like “....I guess I’m not a game person, I’m sorry” like she’s so damn sweet, I can’t. 

I loved having Ruby around, what a great character. 

Weirdly, I don’t have that much to say about Tenn but I feel like I should since he’s one of the more important characters in TFS

I think Tenn’s a sweet kid albeit naïve and somewhat of a screw up, but I don’t think those flaws are “bad,” y’know? 

Lots of people put Tenn in the same category as Ben, Nick, Sarah, and Gabe and act like the flaws these characters carry are poorly written or straight up bad just because they don’t like that character. 

The character gets in the way and messes things up for the group, therefore they’re a bad character, all that. I disagree with that logic. A character can be a well-written screw up. I believe Tenn is the more well-written “screw up” of the bunch since he has a lot more time devoted to him and you never get the sense that the writers dislike him and just want to kill him off quickly. 

His potential death was well-thought out and makes sense for his character- Minerva’s beckoning him to come to her so they can “go to the place where everyone gets to be a person again,” like he knows she wants to kill him and he hesitates before AJ tackles him to the ground. He refuses to cross the bridge because goes back for Minerva and fights against Louis or Violet.

And yeah, people still give him shit because it’s easy to look at this and call him stupid rather than looking at the inner turmoil he’s going through in that moment. He’s witnessing his sister- who he thought was dead-  being eaten alive by walkers and he wants to save her even if she’s unsavable at that point. There is no logical thought, he’s not listening to Louis or Violet, Tenn has tunnel vision where his sister is at the end... but so is death and we don’t know if Tenn’s actually aware of that or not. 

Everything happens so fast, and a quick decision from AJ seals Tenn’s fate, as well as the fate of Louis/Violet. Someone has to die on the bridge, otherwise you’re going to lose both of them and it’s not fair, it’s bullshit... and it’s great as far as a scene and consequences of your choices go. 

For me, Tenn always dies on the bridge. Not only because I’m a selfish hoe who refuses to let Louis die, though I will admit that’s a pretty big part of it... but for me, it makes more sense for Tenn to die on the bridge rather than Louis or Violet. I hate giving Minerva what she wants, but my Clementine would trust AJ and that’s what leads to that decision... and it’s brutal. 

Tenn left a big impact on AJ, he was his first real friend and believe me, I see the appeal of the ending where Tenn survives at the cost of Louis or Violet’s life even if it’s not for me. 

Tenn’s idea that one day the walkers will be gone is a fun one, if not bittersweet. Sweet because it’s refreshing to meet a character who has an idealistic hope for the future, but bitter because that future may never happen, and if it does, it won’t be anytime soon. 

He’s a neat character to have thrown into the cast, as well as a tragic addition to the kill count. 

Violet and I have a long history together

Ruh roh, Shaggy, we’ve reached Violet’s section. I’m sure some of you scrolled right over everything else to get here and since you’re in such a hurry, allow me to not waste your time: 

In my opinion, Violet’s okay. For me, she’s at her best in ep1, but after that she loses me. I can’t even say I like her anymore because her character falls flat, especially in Louis’ route. But her route doesn’t hold up any better. I can’t help but compare her romance with other wlw romances in games I’ve played and they beat her out by an alarming amount... well, with the exception of Chloe and Rachel from LiS. Those two are some of the shittiest love interests I’ve ever come across and Violet is leaps better than them. So... a point to her, I guess. 

I don’t see the appeal of her as a love interest and it never feels like her scenes are hers. They feel more like things the writers jotted down and said, “hey that’s cute” but they don’t tie into her character well and I think that’s a waste. In fact, give Violet a “wasted potential” t-shirt, too, she and Aasim can be twins.  

There it is, take it and run. For the rest of you, allow me to go more into detail. 

And just as a note: when I refer to the “Violet crowd,” I’m not talking about ALL Violet fans. Like with the Minnie crowd, I’m talking about certain fans that irritate me. They’re the ones with an agenda to convince people Violet’s the only valid character/love interest/route in TFS while ignoring or romanticizing her flaws/mistakes in an unhealthy way but try to convince you they’re ideal. They’re incredibly hostile to everyone who disagrees with them. They’re the ones who have blown up my inbox for years. 

Violet and I have a long history together that goes- “Oh yeah, I love Violet, I just prefer to romance Louis!” to “I like Violet, she’s a good character but she has a lot of flaws, I wish I liked her romance as much as you guys do but I get it,” to “yeah, she’s fine, I like her...” to now where I’m like, “......yeah she’s not great, I don’t really like her.” 

I’m aware that my dislike of her has a lot more to do with the Violet crowd than Violet herself. Y’know, all the anons calling me names and telling me to delete my blog, the one time my discord server was spied on, and vague posts that would cause people to send me like “hey, I think this is about you :/” asks because of who it was and how the timing added up too well. Of course I’m going to associate Violet with that shit and that’s going to affect my overall opinion of her. 

I tried, okay? It’s not like I looked at the surface, decided I didn’t like her, and then actively chose to be an ass. I genuinely tried to see her the way Violet fans do but I believe this is just a matter of liking different things, y’know? 

It’s been a year, I went into this replay wanting to like Violet so much. I wanted to write this post like, “I finally get it, y’all! I love Violet and I love violentine! Hooray!” and then there would be peace, we’d all hold hands and sing together until dawn! ...but no, that didn’t happen, I’m sorry. 

I’ve been away from the shitty side of the Violet crowd, I don’t have pressure on me to be overly nice just to keep the peace in a thriving fandom or fear that my followers are gonna be upset that my opinions have changed or the worry that I’m gonna get Violet anons yelling at me to just admit I hate her and fuck off as if it’s important to them that I say it.

Which now that I think about it, y’all really did the self-fulfilling prophecy thing, didn’t you? Thanks for that, here’s a gold star for your effort⭐I’m sure it was worth it. 

And y’know, it doesn’t make any goddamn sense. In theory, I SHOULD like Violet. I should be more into her romance route but I don’t feel the chemistry and Violet’s character is another case of this game almost having it but not quite. 

And in the name of being fair, I even rewatched her full romance with Clementine on youtube [sorry, I didn’t want to sit down and do another 10 hour playthrough okay I had no time] because in Louis’ route I’m obviously not going to spend as much time with her. You miss a lot of information which results in her character feeling unfinished. 

But before I talk about her romance route, let’s talk a little about Violet’s cell scene in Louis’ route since my opinion has shifted on that: I don’t hate it for what it is because it does it’s job. 

Violet loathes you after you let her get taken. She hates and blames you for everything, then she attacks you so that you don’t fuck up again. Because her trust in you is completely broken, the consequence is she stays on the boat with Minerva only to be blinded in the explosion after Minerva ditches her. Her end card even straight up tells you she hates you. 

No, I still don’t believe she was brainwashed/tortured on the boat, I still think certain devs are full of it for that. If you wanna interpret the scene that way then you’re welcome to, just don’t get pissy when I don’t.

I feel like I shouldn’t need anyone who worked on TFS to tell me crucial information outside of the game rather than showing it in game. There are signs of manipulation from Minerva, and Violet’s clearly pissed off and in a vulnerable state after being captured. She’s been told that if anyone steps outta line, they’ll kill someone she cares about, so she complies. She’s bitter, she’s hurting, she feels hopeless and betrayed and Clementine is there to take the brunt of those feelings. 

If the intention of this scene was to show us she was brainwashed and tortured just as bad as Louis [because remember, the Violet crowd will insist this is the only valid interpretation] then why didn’t it? 

Why is she behaving like she’s just pissed off? Why aren’t Aasim and Omar as scared as they are when Louis’ gets his tongue cut out? Why doesn’t her end card say she was traumatized after her time with the raiders like Louis’ end card? Why does her end card say she despises Clementine? Why are you allowed to tell her off when you’re not allowed to tell Louis off in his cell scene? If Violet isn’t just mad then why isn’t that reflected in how Clementine treats her versus how she treats Louis in his scene? Why did you also need to blind her in ep4 if her torture was just as bad if not worse than Louis losing his tongue? Doesn’t trauma dumping onto Violet throw off the balance of things? Why aren’t you making it clear what happened like you did with Louis? 

You didn’t need to clear up what happened to Louis outside of the game so why do you have to do it for Violet? 

Oh wait, you did make it clear- she pissed at you, no longer trusts you, and she stays on the boat as a result of that.

The end consequence of not saving Louis is he loses his tongue, and not saving Violet results in her being blinded. Violet’s consequence just happens to come later, and because of that fans got pissed that Louis was maimed but Violet was “fine.” And instead of just saying, “There’s one episode left, wait and see,” certain developers got defensive and tried to appease players. 

If you look at the scene the way it was written, it’s good. If you look at it the way certain developers told you to, it’s poorly done. And you can argue with me all you want, this is one of those things that you’re never going to change my mind about. We can agree to disagree. 

Moving away from that, let’s talk about her romance route. 

I give credit to Violet in ep1. I genuinely like her. It does a great job of establishing her character and hinting that she’s a potential love interest. 

I still stand by Violet being full of shit that she didn’t know Clementine and AJ were staying in the twins room and used Sophie’s pencil box as an excuse to check on them after things ended awkwardly in the card game. I like that, it shows that she’s not really opposed to us being there even if having someone in the twins’ old room brings back painful memories. 

You can tell she hasn’t had anyone else to really talk to since the twins died as she ends up saying a lot more than you’d expect. This is a rare moment where I do feel some chemistry between her and Clementine as they’re sitting on the beds facing each other, especially when you have Clementine admit that she’s not great with first impressions or people in general, too.

I’ll even give Violet a pass for being a jerk to Brody. Yeah, it’s poor behavior. It makes things awkward when Brody is just trying to be friendly with Clementine only to have Violet throw in an unnecessary, sarcastic quip, but it’s the first episode. It’s good to establish flaws so we get to see growth. You understand why there’s tension, and Violet making things weird fits in with her whole “I’m not exactly a people person” thing.

Oh, and when you appeal to her against Marlon, he tries to manipulate her with his bullshit, “they were my friends, too!” and while I heavily disagree with bringing a weapon into the mess as that just escalates things, it makes sense with her character and acts as juxtaposition with Louis deescalating things by stepping forward without a weapon.  

So yeah, I actually really like ep1 Violet.... but then the rest of the season happens.

First of all, I love Minerva as a character but god does she hold Violet back. It’s always one step forward, two steps back with Violet and her deal with Minerva. The mentions of her ep1 were fine, but then it just makes me roll my eyes when I realize what they’re doing here. 

And to be fair, I think I’m just sick of the whole “queer girl love interest has an ex-girlfriend who causes trouble and gets in between the couple we’re supposed to root for” plot point in games and books that when I see it, I make a disgusted noise so strong that even Cassandra Pentaghast herself would be impressed. 

My grievances about that aside, I don’t care much for the star gazing. As a concept, it’s sweet but it never feels like Violet’s scene. I get that the bell tower represents the isolation Violet has from the rest of the group, and we’re supposed to feel special that she’d bring us there... but the mini-game fucks with the pacing and the scene feels disconnected from Violet. Hard to explain, but lemme try. 

I made this post about how I think Violet should’ve been into basketball and how a better alternative to the bell tower scene would be her and Clementine shooting hoops together, how an activity Violet’s interested in [and I mean genuinely interested in, she doesn’t actually know anything about stars despite what the Violet crowd claims and that’s why they make up their own constellations] would’ve benefitted her. The writers never seem interested in telling you anything Violet likes, it’s always things she doesn’t like or the things she sad about so it’s hard to get to know her. 

That’s the problem, I think. I feel like I never got to actually know Violet as a person during her romance and that’s a problem. I know her backstory, I know she’s conflicted about Minerva, that she’s not a people person, I know she cares about Clementine... but what does Violet like? And I swear on Andraste’s flaming knickers, if you say “chicken nuggies lmao” I’m gonna be very disappointed in you-

Ahem, I mean, what does Violet want? What aspirations does Violet have for the future? What did she want prior to the apocalypse? Why doesn’t she have anything to call her own the same way Louis has music? 

It’s like they focused too much on her deal with Minerva that they forgot to make her more than just a romance... if that makes sense? She doesn’t hold up on her own and I believe that’s a waste. Louis stands on his own as an interesting character outside of Clementine and Violet should as well. 

The walk back to Ericson starts strong with her admitting she was stupid about Minerva and how she tried not to care about Clementine. That felt like a good character moment... but her wanting to rename the school is meh. 

Again y’all, this close to an overall great scene but then it nose dives. She says Ericson never felt like home, she couldn’t picture it as a home, because of the name and then just decides they should rename it and it’s lame. I’m sorry, it’s LAME! Hate to break it to you, Vi, but the name isn’t the problem. You didn’t want to leave because of the name, you don’t want to stay because of a new name.

I like her freak out on AJ after he shoots Tenn, because yeah Violet it turns out excusing murder baby’s actions isn’t so easy when he kills someone you actually care about huh? But, her final talk with AJ at the end isn’t as impactful as it could’ve been, especially when compared to Louis’.

Speaking of which, love that double standard of “Louis is a shitbird for being mad at AJ for killing Marlon and taking two weeks to apologize, he put them in danger, Clementine would never date him!” and “oh my god let Violet be mad at AJ! He killed Tenn and she’s really sad about it okay! She doesn’t have to forgive him after only a few weeks, stop invalidating her feelings, THIS is how Louis should’ve handled things!” yeah because they’re the exact same character in the same exact situation therefore they should react and handle things the exact same, mmhmmm, you’re not full of shit or anything, go off.  

Huh? Wha- yes, I know Tim’s on my shoulder and he thinks it’s dumb too, hush-

Violet’s fine, she just isn’t for me and I don’t think that’s ever going to change no matter how much time passes. I wish I liked her more. 

Louis is the best non-playable character TWDG has given us, it actually makes me emotional

Look, this post is long. I still have Clementine and AJ to cover and a final thoughts section to write and I don’t have time to give you the in-depth analysis of Louis that you deserve, but I can give you a more tame version while linking some to other posts I have. 

Here’s a post diving into his actions in ep2 and why everyone hating him for voting Clementine out is really dumb, and a post ranting about how heartbroken he would be if the Clem comic were actually canon, and this T5F I did of my top 5 favorite Louis moments, and honestly just scroll through the Louis tag on my blog, there is so much that I can’t link without bloating up this entire post. I just... I don’t have time to give you everything and I don’t want to be more repetitive than I already am. 

Louis is my favorite character in TWDG across all games. I fucking love him. I was reeeeally worried that I would replay TFS and not be as invested in his character or route but oh my god, his story holds up so fucking good. I’m struggling to put it into words. Even today, Louis remains one of my favorite characters across all the games I’ve played and his romance with Clementine? I die, don’t bother burying me, just toss me into the ocean to be fish food, I cannot handle it-

If I were to make a tier list of all of my favorite male romances from games that I’ve played, he would still be in S-tier with my other absolute favorite male romance, Alistair from DAO. And given that I haven’t been around for about a year, this is a TWDG blog, and I haven’t been comfortable enough to begin gushing on my dragon age blog yet, you don’t know- you don’t have ANY idea how strongly I feel about Alistair fuckin’ Theirin, okay? You have no idea, and if I told you, you’d think I were a crazy person! Which fair enough, I may be BUT that’s not what we’re here to discuss! My point is, my S-tier has two slots and in those slots are Alistair and Louis, THAT is how well Louis holds up. 

Louis’ back must ache after carrying this season because without him, TFS would’ve been significantly worse... okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. In reality, Clementine and AJ’s backs must also hurt because the three of them carried this season. 

I’m excited, can you tell I’m getting excited? I fucking adore Louis. 

I just- where do I even- I want to talk about everything but I can’t. From his introduction to his backstory to his romance route, I have few complaints. As a character he grows so much in a way that feels like natural progression and not once does anyone have to actually say, “Wow Louis has changed so much” because no one has to, we actually get to experience it. 

Louis starts off as fun but unreliable, he doesn’t take most survival tactics seriously which annoys characters like Marlon and Aasim, he values living among surviving and knows that any day could be their last so might as well make the most of it, even if that causes him to neglect chores and responsibilities. He’d rather keep his head down and not deal with conflict, he places all of his trust in Marlon, doesn’t ever question his leadership, and let’s face it, he’s a little dramatic. 

But god, he breathes so much personality in every scene he’s in. Even if he’s just somewhere in the background, you feel it. He’s a kind person who doesn’t want to fight. Disagreements, sure, he’ll have those with Aasim or Clementine, but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He doesn’t want the life they’re surviving for to be wasted away and sees the value in enjoying it. He plays piano and music is so heavily weaved into his character and I love what that brings to his backstory and the romance scene in ep2. 

Everyone gives him shit and he just takes it, y’know? This dude has self-esteem issues and that is one of the beautiful things about his character, he grows into someone you can depend on, someone who will step forward for what’s right, risk his life to save another. He begins to see the value in his abilities and it’s an uphill struggle for him. 

Louis, one of the kindest people at Ericson, was sent to that school in the first place because he caused the divorce of his parents over music lessons. He was a spoiled rich kid who didn’t get what he wanted, he didn’t want to hear what his father had to say, and he was vindictive. He calls himself that, he calls himself a “vindictive fuckhead” with so much bitterness, so much disgust with himself.

For a YEAR, this little shit used his father’s wealth to make it look like he was having an affair and made sure his mom saw everything. Then when they had a big fight, he played right into it. When the divorce was final, he fucking told them everything! That’s awful! Holy shit!

And so they dropped him off at this school and that was that. 

If you stay silent after he finishes the story, he even says he doesn’t know the person he’s talking about, it’s like all they have in common are the same name. He has so much shame welled up inside him for who he was and knowing that he’ll never see his parents again, never get to tell them he’s sorry. It’s so well-executed. 

Shocking, too. No one could’ve predicted that would be his backstory based on what we knew of him. Hell, most assumed he came from an unkind family and that’s where his self-esteem issues came from but nope! The opposite, actually! Wealthy family, loving parents, and Louis was a brat. 

I love it so much, and to get it after the build up of getting to know him for three episodes just.... to quote myself on one of my previous posts: “He finally puts it all out there and now Clementine knows what kind of person he was before he arrived at the school, what he was capable of before she met him. That wall [between them] is gone....  Louis knows first hand what can happen when feelings go unchecked, when resentment is held onto, when you don’t apologize or try to repair mendable relationships, when you’re vindictive and bitter and take it out on others. He’s been there and now he’s here, and he holds a lot of that with him. You can see he does in the way he talks about himself and struggles with confidence in his abilities.” 

and then he plays Don’t Be Afraid afterward, it’s beautiful, it makes me emotional seeing how glossy his eyes are and the way he looks up as to not cry, I can’t-

Another scene that I can’t get enough of is when you appeal to him in ep1 and he stands between Clementine and Marlon, hands up, and tries to talk Marlon down... even after a year, I STILL got chills. Appealing to Louis for help is so beautiful, it’s a beautiful scene of conflict. Louis knowing what the right thing to do is vs his loyalty/fear of Marlon, the way he looks at Clementine vs how he looks at Marlon, the moment where you’re holding your breath because it seems like he isn’t going to help you only for him to slid into frame to shield Clementine. Marlon realizing Louis chose Clementine over him, that the one person he thought he had control over has turned on him and with Louis, everyone else does the right thing and steps forward. 

And of course, “Your relationship with Louis has changed.” I CAN’T

Okay, another thing I adore is how much emotional depth Louis has. He can be incredibly funny, and he definitely plays into the persona a lot in ep1. Actually, one of my favorite things about both Louis and Violet are how their personalities subvert how open you’d assume they’d be with Clementine. 

Violet is presented as intimidating, closed off, bad with people, so you’d think it’d take a lot to get her to open up to Clementine when that’s not the case. The first time she and Clementine are alone [well, AJ’s there but y’know] she opens up a lot more than you’d expect with little effort on Clementine’s part, something that’s a trend in her route. 

But Louis is presented as friendly, talkative, and fun, so you’d think he would be open with Clementine right off the bat... except he’s not. Louis doesn’t tell you anything about his past that actually matters in ep1. He doesn’t tell you about his friendship with Marlon, his relationship with the twins, or anything really significant about him. He says small things like how he hates cantaloupe or used to like baseball. You know he likes music due to his introduction. 

In ep1, he doesn’t know Clementine. While he likes her well enough, he doesn’t trust her enough yet and trust isn’t easily won from him when it comes to that stuff. But then you go hunting with him, you choose to deal with the walker with him, and he opens up about his view on survival... then he sends you away because oops, too much sharing, too much chemistry. 

That’s the thing, though, you don’t get that one moment unless you choose him. Like... actively choosing him is a big point in his route. I know that seems obvious, but I’m serious. Every time you choose him after the hunting scene, he’s genuinely surprised. Appeal to him? Choose to help him with the piano? Choose to save him? Every time he gives you the sense that he’s like “...but why” 

He even questions you about it in the dorms if you saved him during the raid. You can straight up tell him it’s because he’s too important to you and he’s still shocked, then pulls a face like “.........but why”

I don’t want to sound mean about Violet, but choices where you choose her feel different, like she’s not surprised you picked her. Especially after ep1, it’s like it’s a given you picked her. She never questions, she never thanks, it’s just assumed “yeah you picked me, of course you did.” and it’s probably because she voted for you to stay, and that’s very different in Louis’ route.

He rarely offers up anything further until you pursue it. That’s a trend in his route. It makes the moments where he chooses to open up unprompted even more significant, like with the piano scene in ep2 or the reveal of his backstory in ep3, and especially the walk back to Ericson in ep4, THAT scene is so fucking good because it’s him finally fully opening up and letting Clementine in and hhhnnnngggggggg sooo goood~

One last thing I wanna bring up that I love: When Louis screams “FUCK YOU!” at Minerva in ep3.... it’s so fucking good. As I said before, Louis is such a kind hearted person, he never wants to hurt anyone and he beats himself up whenever he gets emotional and lashes out at anyone...... but in the cells, he’s fucking pissed. Like, we don’t even see him that pissed off after Marlon dies, and the closest we see him get that upset again is when AJ shoots Tenn. But even then, he didn’t tell AJ to fuck off, he just said, “what the fuck!?” and that’s very different. 

And I don’t blame him for being furious in that moment! He just heard all the shit Lilly said and Minerva just let everything happen. Now Lilly has AJ and they’re screwed.  Hell, he might even be missing a pinky finger now! And he just calls Minerva out on her bullshit and tells her to fuck off, and her reaction is just perfect. 

Oh and then of course, he shoots Dorian and it’s pretty rad... I mean, he doesn’t think so, he’s super upset about that one, too. But I thought it was great. 

As for Louis’ romance route, it’s just *chef kiss* holy shit.

I actually did a T5F on the top 5 reasons I love clouis that is still accurate and covers pretty much everything so I won’t get too crazy.... but lemme gush a little more please?

Their chemistry is fantastic, they bounce off each other so well, they’re not afraid to call each other out on their bullshit, they’re not too proud to apologize and move forward together as better, stronger people. Louis is great with AJ even after what happened to Marlon and that speaks volumes for his character. 

Louis never looked to the future until he realized he could have a future with Clementine and AJ and that’s why him asking her what their dream home would look like is so significant and Clementine always promised that she and AJ would have a home and they finally found one with someone who would do anything to protect them, someone willing to forgive, apologize, grow, and be emotionally vulnerable when needed, I just-

She carved a heart around their initials, he named the song he wrote after her.

I cry... I cry so much

another quote from myself on my T5F: “Their chemistry is strong, deep, and romantic, they powered through so much unavoidable bullshit, they worked hard for their relationship, they’re comfortable and not afraid to lean on each other when needed, they get comfort from being together but aren’t afraid to disagree on things because they know those disagreements aren’t stronger than they are. With AJ and everyone else at Ericson, they’re a family now rather that a group of misfit survivors, and they’re working to change things for the better for Ericson. I love everything about them and damn it, they will be happy together every single time I replay TFS because that is what they deserve.”

Now that I’ve ranted about how much I love him, what I’m NOT going to cover is the whole thing with AJ and the vote because I’ve gone on and on about that, so I’ll just say this: 

If you’re mad at Louis for his vote, valid. 

What’s not valid is trying to convince everyone he is solely responsible for Clementine and AJ getting voted out when he was not the only one who voted. The vote was brought up by Mitch, and it probably wouldn’t have been brought up in the first place if Clementine and AJ weren’t at the funeral. Louis is not responsible for Abel and Lilly showing up, and he’s not responsible for AJ getting shot. He’s not any less of a valid love interest for his vote, his vote makes perfect sense with what he is experiencing the morning after what he witnessed the night before. Stating that any relationship between him and Clementine couldn’t work because he voted against them as if it’s a fact is an ignorant dismissal of his character, his trauma, and his apology to Clementine and AJ, and your agenda is very clear. 

The endgame stats being higher for Violet does not mean Louis is a bad love interest, and no, Melissa Hutchinson saying she likes violentine does not mean clouis is invalid. You can tell someone is desperate to have their choice validated when they use a voice actor’s opinion as evidence in their argument to convince others that their choice is the only valid option and everyone else is wrong. 

We get it, you don’t like him and that’s fine, you don’t have to, but please don’t act as if people who do like him are in the wrong for doing so, and don’t try to cover it up with a “but I DO like Louis though I swear” because it’s transparent. Trust me, I’ve been there with Violet, I understand why you feel pressured to tack that on at the end of your “Louis is a shithead” post but stop, it doesn’t do what you think it does, I can tell you that from experience. 

At least if people were honest, I could go into their posts like, “okay they don’t like Louis so they’re going to be more harsh/critical of him,” but when they say they do like him after not saying a single nice thing, that just tells me you’re lying because you’re afraid of getting attacked. Again, I feel that, I’ve been there with Violet. It’s not fun. 

I also feel it’s only fair that I talk about the Louis crowd, too. Like the Violet crowd, they’re obnoxious and hostile toward everyone, their arguments are usually surface level, and they annoy the piss outta me. I don’t have as many bad experiences with them since we like the same character, but that’s where our similarities end. 

The argument is usually, “Louis is better because Violet’s such a bitch, she BETRAYED Clementine in the cells, she’s a TRAITOR! She’s using Clementine as a rebound and she doesn’t care about AJ and that’s why she stays on the boat with Minerva.” 

So y’know... lame, no nuance, no actual discussion or further explanation, nothing. 

Also I feel like the Louis crowd attacks Violet’s appearance a lot which is gross and a sign that their arguments ring so hollow that they can’t think of anything better to prove “MY choice is the correct one” so they resort to things that don’t actually matter and then act like it proves their choice is the right one.

“Violet? You did her route? but I think she looks weird, so you’re stupid.” 

Like... how is that anything? What is that accomplishing other than making you look stupid? 

But yeah, the Louis crowd hyper-fixate on Violet’s betrayal the same way the Violet crowd hyper-fixate on Louis’ vote. It’s treated as a smoking gun of “this proves that YOU are wrong and why MY choice is the only valid one,” but it’s not, it’s not a smoking gun, you’re just being a dingus. 

There is a difference between discussing how the reasons behind those choices made by Louis and Violet are a result of the inner turmoil and pain they’re going through and it causes them to make a mistake that they eventually turn around from and just.... “Louis is a shithead who voted them out and Clementine could never love him after that” and “Violet betrayed Clementine on the boat because she loves Minerva more and Clementine could never forgive her after that.” 

 Why y’all can’t just chill and agree to disagree, I’ll never know. 

ANYWAY... I don’t wanna leave Louis’ section on a sour note so here’s a reminder that he had a pet turtle named Geoff, he lost the 3rd grade spelling bee to the word “recommend,” and he still remembers his grandma’s phone number after all these years. 

God, I love him. 

Boy am I glad AJ didn’t get cut from this game

AJ’s still one of my favorite characters in this game and I’m glad his relationship with Clementine is at the core of this story.

He’s a fascinating character study and I can’t get behind the complaint that “oh but he isn’t a realistic portrayal of a five-year-old!!” like I’m sorry, do you know what a five-year-old is? They’re dumb and loud and if he was written that way, you’d just complain that he’s annoying like Duck was instead.

Sorry, Duck, love ya but you cannot deny that a majority of players hated Duck  for being a hyperactive child. Players would be like, “Gawwwwd when is this kid gonna die?? He’s annoying, I hate him!” when S1 was released. 

This is a game about zombies, okay? and if everything were realistic then AJ would’ve died in S2. Use your suspension of disbelief. 

I find AJ so interesting because he’s a child who was born into this post-apocalyptic world. He doesn’t know what it was like to live in a world before walkers. He never had a long-lasting, stable home and aside from Clementine, all of his other caretakers either died or gave him up. He’s grown up in a world that is cruel, unforgiving, scary, and where killing is normalized as a means of survival. Whether it’s walkers, animals, or other people, he learns early on that that’s just the way it is now. He knows how to shoot a gun and god, what a fucking thing to have to teach a child. 

Really think about the lessons Clementine teaches him, too. Some aren’t alarming, like checking for windows or always knowing where an exit is. But then you get into “Always aim for the head,” or “Don’t hesitate,” or the big yikes of, “Save a bullet for yourself.” 

I stand by the fact that AJ was in the wrong for shooting Marlon after his surrender, but c’mon, what did you really think he was gonna do the moment he got his hands back on the gun and saw the opportunity to “stop the monster” to protect Clementine and the others? 

Clementine isn’t perfect and she isn’t always right, but she’s doing her best to teach AJ how to survive the way Lee and many others taught her... but she’s forgetting that AJ is so young and he doesn’t have a fully developed concept of the world before. She also misses crucial point that Lee made with her when teaching her to shoot, like how if it’s a walker, then aim for the head. But if it’s a person, that’s different. Walkers are always the same, they always have the same goal... people aren’t that easy. 

Remember the fight between Javi and David in ANF? Clementine will either point a gun at David to stop the fight, or she’ll shoot him. She doesn’t aim to kill him, she doesn’t want to kill him. She’s aiming to break up the fight, that is a moment where killing isn’t necessary and would only cause more problems with those around her. Gabe would be distraught, Javi would react depending on how you play him, and Kate would freak out, too. 

If you choose to shoot Kenny to save Jane in S2, same thing. She shoots him to break up the fight, but the shot happens to kill him after you share some final words. 

Hell, the one time she does shoot someone in the head during a fight in ANF, it’s an accident [even though she knows better that to point a gun at anyone without the intention of shooting] and is treated as the wrong thing to do and you can either cover up her mistake or you can make her confront it by telling the truth. 

But then you have AJ who doesn’t have the context, that experience. He’s taught to aim for the head, so he does, and it’s a mistake. 

AJ shooting Marlon is complicated. He doesn’t realize he did something bad until everyone reacts and then he’s like, “....but I aimed for the head? Marlon was a monster? He was dangerous? Clem?” and you can either reaffirm that he’s justified, or you can teach him why he was wrong and about atonement. 

AJ doesn’t want people to hate him, he doesn’t want to hurt them or make them sad. He wants to make friends and have a home. He wants to protect Clementine the way she’s protected him. He has doubts, he doesn’t always know the proper words to explain how he feels, and he gets frustrated which causes him to act out. He wants to play games, and learn, and make connections with people. But, I can see why he would be scary, too. Especially with the way he talks sometimes. 

When he calls dibs on Abel, you can express how you don’t like the way he’s talking and tell him it’s not a game, and honestly I don’t think it’s a game to him. He’s had nightmares about Abel, he’s scared of Abel, he’s is a monster and AJ believes that if he can kill the monster, he’ll be gone and everyone will be safer. He’s expressing that in a worrisome way, though. 

Or the one some like to point at when arguing that he’s a bad character: when he says he liked killing Lilly. Yeah, not great, and it only manages to set James off more during that whole fight. But AJ explains himself that killing Lilly made him feel powerful [not a great sign] and it made them safe and that feels good. 

Plus, YOU told him to do it... I know y’all don’t like taking accountability for your choices when they backfire, I feel that, but he looked to you for what to do in that moment and you said to shoot, so he did and it set him off. Half a clip right into Lilly, whoops, betcha she didn’t see that coming. 

There is a discussion to be had about that choice despite it not having a right answer, but I don’t have time to go in depth so just know that I can see both sides. 

But both Marlon and Lilly’s deaths are pointed at as a “See?? AJ’s a bad character!” by the anti-AJ crowd.

Yeah funny enough there is a crowd for AJ but this one happens to be viciously hostile against him to where they go out of their way to argue with everyone that he’s “a bratty, stupid, annoying psychopath who loves murder and is badly written and that’s not even how five-year-olds act lmao you’re stupid” and just like the other crowds, they’re desperate for validation and it’s hard to watch as they make asses of themselves. 

Again, you don’t have to like AJ and you can be critical of his development and choices, but maybe harassment under the guise of “well it’s just my opinion” isn’t the best outlet for your frustrations. Just sayin.’ 

So much about AJ gets lost on those people, usually on purpose because god forbid we don’t always deal in absolutes, and it’s a shame to see a character that the writers put so much time and effort into be so underappreciated. 

Oh and on the opposite side of things, I do want to point out that flipping it so that AJ’s just a widdle uwu baby who should never held accountable because he baby and everyone else is wrong to dare be mean to him or Clementine.... is also not great. It lacks understanding and depth of the character or the characters around him.

To end on a happier note, another thing I love about AJ is how funny he can be. I mean, his apology to Ruby when you tell him to lay it on thick? When he excitedly informs Aasim that he likes fish? The fact that he interrupts your date to throw a gross ball at your head like “look what I found!!” The way he laughs at the Beat Nick joke but doesn’t understand it? When he catches you smooching Louis/Violet and is just like “what’cha doin’ over there??” 

He can be so damn funny. We tend to focus on the more serious side of his character but c’mon, look at his funny little dance during the party. It’s cute as hell! 

There’s so much I didn’t cover about AJ but like with the others, I don’t have the time to give you a huge analysis, I can only give you the things that crossed my mind as I was playing... which was also too much to fit in here but still. 

AJ’s great, I adore that kid, so glad he wasn’t booted from the story, thanks Telltale. 

God what’s there to say about Clementine? She’s complex, flawed, well-written and I adore her 

Alright, last character..... but seriously, what can I possibly say that I haven’t said before? 

I’ve written a lot of posts about Clementine, like this one about why I have her leave Lee in S1 and how that ripple affects her choices in TFS, or how I feel like putting Clementine up on this pedestal where she can do no wrong and saying players SHOULD agree with everything she wants [namely in ANF] is a disservice to the growth and nuance of her character, gone on and on about why I think Louis is the best option for her as a love interest and how that plays into her development, why her relationship with AJ is so important, why the damn Clementine in the comic doesn’t hold up-

BY THE WAY.... tangent, but I actually feel second-hand embarrassment for the Clementine comic which is a feeling I do not appreciate.

TFS Clementine and Comic Clementine are not the same character. I’ve experienced more depth sitting in the kiddy pool I bought my dog to play in during the summer than I experienced with the comic. My salt levels still haven’t gone down after writing that review... Amos deserved better, good god...

The comic rings hollow because it lacks everything that makes Clementine compelling in the games. You can tell it was written by someone who has only played through the games once or twice instead of a writer who worked on the games and understands the character. 

But forget the comic. It’s not canon anyway and if skybound tries to tell me otherwise, I will politely tell them I’ve agreed to disagree. And that they can go suck an egg. Politely.

Back to the one that’s actually good, I believe Clementine is one of the best characters Telltale ever gave us. She’s set a high standard for me when I go into other games. We’re lucky to have four games with her, and while I can’t say I absolutely love all four Clementine’s [I still have a lot of conflicted feelings about ANF Clementine] that’s totally fine because overall? She’s had a helluva bumpy journey and it brings me a lot of joy knowing she’s finally found a home and a family to care for her it. 

I feel a connection to Clementine’s personality this season. She’s come a long way from ANF [thankfully] and I love seeing her more balanced out as a hardened survivor who can be a goof sometimes. Having AJ back in her life brings out a softer Clementine that I missed. 

She cares so much, y’all. Clementine cares so, so much about AJ and everyone at Ericson that she’s willing to put herself in grave danger to protect and save them. She’s fought for so long, had her heart broken over and over again, has faced death every damn day, and now she finally has a home.

And it’s not even a question. Once her friends are taken by the raiders, she doesn’t even hesitate in telling everyone that they’re going after them, that they’re going to end this. 

Then after everything, she gets bit.

Oooohhhh the emotions I feel thinking about the barn scene with Clementine dying and AJ begging her to get up. But she knows, and even worse she knows that AJ now has to deal with her, either by leaving her to turn or by killing her with an axe and just

“I need you.” I CRY

Her bond with AJ is so good, her chemistry with Louis is so good, her determination to fight, her sense of humor, her moments of vulnerability... it’s all so goddamn good. 

Also, the Lee flashback with little Clementine. Look, after already being emotional during Louis’ song, only for it to cut to the train and hearing Lee’s voice again... damn it, they knew what they were doing and I’m so damn easy, it made tear up, okay? I admit it! 

I honestly don’t have that much else to say? This post is long enough as is so perhaps that’s a good thing. She’s amazing, a beautifully written character that I hold a lot of praise for. 

Lemme quote myself once again, this time from my review of the comic because this still sums up how I feel: 

“This isn’t like Clementine in TFS where you do feel she’s mature. She has to be, she has a child she’s raising and protecting. She has to be strong and smart for him. She has to be the adult in their relationship… but she has those moments of vulnerability to remind you that she’s not an adult, she’s a teenager who was forced to grow up too fast and it hurts.

In ep4 of TFS, when they’re in the caves after getting separated from the group, she and AJ get into an argument. She tells him that he’s just a child, and he throws it right back at her- “So are you.” and you can see it on her face… y’know?

You want her to be happy, you want to give back the childhood that was taken from her at the start of the apocalypse, you want her to overcome every obstacle thrown her way.  You understand her feelings about Lee, why he meant so much to her and why she struggled to let him go even after accepting that he was dead.

You remember that she is a teenager who makes mistakes, she doesn’t know everything, she fucks up. She’s doing everything she can to protect those she loves. You feel that she wouldn’t hesitate to give her life for the little boy she raised. She still has a lot of growing to do but you don’t doubt that she’s gonna do it..... TFS Clementine, amputation or not, she would’ve charged that damn boat herself if it meant saving those she loved.”

In conclusion: I still love TFS, even if things have changed for me 

Before I wrap this up, I do hope that everyone understands that my criticisms of characters, story elements, or of the crowds aren’t meant to be a criticism of individuals who may disagree with me. I'm not criticizing people for liking Violet or people who dislike Louis, or even people who view Minerva through an uwu-lense. I'm criticizing the terrible behavior from those crowds that make everyone uncomfortable and accomplish nothing.

Being critical of a character, plot, or of the fandom is fine. If a post is critical or even harsh toward a character, I may not agree and would argue with the points, but that's fine. I’m sure plenty of you will take issue with my points for characters like Violet or Minerva. We all have different interpretations and one of the fun things about fandom is getting to express that, to have discussion and debates, but it’s all in good fun. The point is never to intentionally make someone feel bad or to fight. 

It's when people get into guilt tripping, lying, gaslighting, name calling, using accusations of homophobia/racism against people not because they’re displaying those awful behaviors but only because they do/don’t like a character, sending hostile messages to people, or trying to convince everyone that their thing is the correct thing and the other thing is bad therefore they should feel bad, that's what I'm trying to criticize here when I bring up crowds. 

They’re an unfortunate part of the whole thing, every fandom has ‘em. What's sad is that crowds who would need to read what I’m saying in this section aren't going to. They're gonna scroll to the parts they know will make them mad and then leave. Oh well. 

I want to say that if you made it this far into an incredibly long post, thank you. If I had another gold star I’d put it right on your forehead and then give you a cookie, but I already used my gold star in a comment toward the Violet crowd and then Tim ate all the cookies, so.... sorry about that. 

The Final Season is excellent and I had a lot of fun even if I was conflicted with a lot of my previous opinions and work. I know I’ve somewhat moved on from TWDG and Telltale games, but hell, I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere for a while... after all, who else is gonna read the next two Clementine comics 9 times each to write in-depth reviews so you don’t have to read them yourself, hmm? No one, because they’re not ridiculous! 

But as far as consistent posting, writing fics, and doing themed nights, I have moved on from that. Not to say that I won’t ever pop in, y’all are always welcome to send in asks but y’know. I spent a long time working on this despite it being nanowrimo and I should be working on my project, but I still have some passion for this series that I wanted to share. 

It’s bittersweet, really. While I’m glad my ninja fam held up beautifully, I’m still bummed about the rest of the Ericson crew. Especially Mitch, god he was one of my favorite characters and now I barely feel anything for him, it’s sad. 

I will be home all weekend, supposedly working on nanowrimo, but if this post sparked something then feel free to shoot me an ask. I’ll answer a few if any come in, and we’ll see where it goes. 

If you want to follow me elsewhere, as I mentioned before I do have a dragon age side blog: @stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage, and then my main blog is @cj-writes-stuff.

Thanks y’all  💚

[shinyfire-0]

Phantom of the Opera - Paris Commune Week 2023!

In May 2021, the Phantom of the Opera fandom commemorated the 150th anniversary of the 1871 Paris Commune with the first PotO-Paris Commune Week. The Third PotO-Paris Commune Week will be held May 21-28, 2022, hosted by @shinyfire-0 and @paperandsong.

What is the connection between the Phantom of the Opera and the Paris Commune? The Commune is referenced in Gaston Leroux’s novel The Phantom of the Opera several times, principally in three ways:

The narrator tells us the skeleton found beneath the Garnier is presumed to be a victim of the Commune, but the narrator believes it is in fact Erik’s body.

Erik calls the passage behind Christine’s mirror mon chemin des communards (my Communard road).

Near the end of the novel, Erik places Raoul in a room he calls the cachot des communards (the Communard dungeon).

Ways this week could be recognized:

Follow the tag #poto paris commune 1871

Take a look at what was created in the last couple of years

Create new PotO-Commune content: fics, art, meta, historical posts, moodboards - anything kind of content you want to make.

Use #poto paris commune 1871 for Tumblr posts, and the Paris Commune tag for AO3

Repost/reblog any Commune-related content you have created in the past

Support PotO-Commune content created by others by reading, reviewing, reblogging

Suggested Prompts:

Arson

Gunpowder

Skeletons under the Garnier

Politics: Was Erik an anarchist, a communist, an aspiring member of the bourgeoisie, a nihilist? Was he sympathetic to the Commune or annoyed by it?

What were Erik’s interactions like with the Communards?

Class Warfare

What were the Daroga and Darius doing during the Commune? Had the Daroga located Erik at this point?

Paris Commune 1968 AU: Christine and Raoul participate in the 1968 student protests.

Les Mis 1871 Crossover AU

Look back at the last couple of years’ Commune fics for art ideas (there are some amazing PoTO-Paris Commune fics out there)

Play with the Commune as it appears in the various PotO adaptations:

The Commune is also referenced in Susan Kay’s Phantom. In this version, a very grumpy Erik gives a terse explanation of the politics of the Commune, tells the reader he hates everyone involved (unsurprisingly) and kills a member of the National Guard with his lasso (the National Guard had seized control of Paris in March 1871 after the French defeat in the Franco-Prussian war - essentially, the National Guard were the Communards). He then starts to take the National Guard’s gunpowder and proudly thinks to himself: ‘And so my labyrinth was wired for death, a vast web encircling the minotaur's secret lair. Let foolish, unsuspecting men step with care in the maze of my creation.’  So dramatic! So angsty!

The 2004 PotO musical film was set in 1870 in the middle of  the Franco-Prussian war. At the end of the war, Paris was besieged by Prussia for four months during 1871 and food got so scarce that people started to eat their pet cats and dogs.

There are references to the Commune in the 1925 film and even Argento’s Rat Phantom.

Check the #poto paris commune 1871 tag for research references.

This is a decentralized call for content! You do not have to ask to participate - just tag your work. This is even open to other fandoms - anyone who is interested in creating content centered around the 1871 Paris Commune. We promise to reblog anything tagged as #poto paris commune 1871.

[celinamarniss]

Year in Review

In 2023 I posted 4 fics at 58,153 words.

Previous years:

2022: 4 fics at 45,096 words.

2021: 3 fics posted, 55,788 words.

2020: 7 or 10 fics posted, 125,738 words.

2019: 7 fics posted, 72,149 words.

2018: 7 fics posted, 87,752 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,643 words

2017: 9 fics posted, 115,336 words

2016: 9 fics posted, 51,653 words

In total, 49 fics posted to Ao3.

We Can't Keep Meeting Like This

34,355 words, gen, Din/Luke/Mara

The Din/Luke/Mara fic I told myself I wasn't going to write! As these things tend to do, it expanded into a much longer fic than I expected. The "five things (plus one)" structure helped to keep it from spiraling even further, but those individual chapters ended up being much longer than I expected and took much longer to write. At first, I serialized the first couple of chapters in smaller excerpts for WIP Weds on tumblr. It was fun to get a little feedback and the weekly deadline compelled me to write those chapters quickly. But when engagement dropped to basically nothing I stopped posting updates and waited to post each chapter to ao3 when it was done. My progress slowed down considerably, but the chapters got longer. I had fun, most of the time.

The Girl Who Traveled the Ways Between the Walls

4,938 words, gen, Animalis verse

Written for the 5k AU fic challenge. Luminous Creatures begins with Mara and Luke's daemons settling, and I regretted never writing a story with an unsettled daemon character. I wanted to write a fic with a fairy-tale vibe and I wanted to explore the weirdness of the Imperial Palace. The Palace becomes a fairy tale wood, and Mara sets off on a quest in which she encounters strange people who aid her or demand aid. Does she learn the right lesson in the end? Perhaps not.

Echo, Revenant, Targeter, Phoenix

15,431 words, gen, Winter Retrac character study

I wrote this one for the Star Wars Big Bang, an experience that ended up being so stressful that I dropped out. I still finished the fic on time and posted it. The fic attracted a modest number of readers (unsurprising given Winter has been basically forgotten these days), but their enthusiasm was very gratifying. I've always liked Winter and I wanted to give her a chance to shine.

However, while I love the worldbuilding and individual scenes and images in this fic, as a whole I don't think it's very gracefully written and I've never been very happy with it.

Cascade

3,429 words, mature, Luke/Mara

I wanted to include A Non-Zero-Sum Game in Vol II of my printed fic collection, but the series felt unfinished without the fourth and final story that I planned to write after Tether. So five years later, I finally wrote it. It was interesting to go back to those old fics and try to write a story that fit the series. I wanted to post it before the new year broke so that I could count it in the 2023 list, and I rushed to get it out. It could probably still use some work.

As the year went on, I failed to meet a lot of the arbitrary deadlines I set myself, and that made writing frustrating and unfulfilling. I don't want it to be like that! I want fic to be fun.

However, I have a lot of non-fandom projects coming up in 2024, and I'm going to have to shift my focus away from fic, at least a little bit.

GOALS FOR 2024

(almost exactly the same as the goals for 2023)

Triumvirate Finale! (explicit, very) The big finale of the Triumvirate series, in which the trio returns to Coruscant to face the Emperor. Doesn’t have a proper title yet. Progress so far: three chapters drafted, 15,410 words.

A Smuggler’s Guide to Joining the Rebellion (gen) The sequel to The Things You Find on Tatooine. Progress: the first chapter finished, 2,241 words.

Lando Calrissian and the Jewel of Andara (gen) The Lando and Mara heist romcom I’ve been promising forever. Progress: three chapters drafted, but in need of heavy revision, 6757 words.

Other fics on the backburner:

Courtship remix

Experiments

Daughter of the Rain and Snow

More daemon fic! 

[kuwdoravids]

Year in Vidding Review: 2023

Year-end round-up/meme: 2007 | 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

April What (Yennefer of Vengerberg) The Witcher Netflix Making of "What" commentary: do it for the process (and for Yennefer!) The Witcher Netflix Mr. Brightside (Jaskier/Geralt/Yennefer) The Witcher Netflix

June Skipping Stones (Fringilla Vigo) The Witcher Netflix

August In Our Wake (Vilgefortz/Geralt) The Witcher Netflix

December [Festivid Assignment] - redacted until reveals! [Festivid Treat] - redacted until reveals!

Review questions under the cut.

Random process notes:

Well, I have been kidding for *counts* 16 years now?? I guess I kind of know what I’m doing when I have a good idea of what a vid is like inside my head. Which is why most of these vids took less than a week to make and none of them were on my actual to-make list that I had written down at the beginning of the year. Flighty ADHD/anxiety brain just latching onto the feelings of the moment and zooming across the timeline until I can call it done. I think I started two non-witcher vids during the year before Festivids but the witcher hyperfixation remains too strong. Everything else falling to the WIP piles. I tried to finish my Moonhaven vid but couldn’t focus. Tried to finish my Green Knight and Blade vids but no, my brain was more interested in writing +70k of fic this year, aha.

Overall thoughts:

HEY I made Festivid stuff! I can vid-non Witcher things! I was really worried there that my brain was just forever stuck on Witcher but! I did it.

Anyway. I really love vidding The Witcher Netflix and keep building up my clip gallery for easy reference for when I can settle in for the next witcher vid. I keep fuck up my exports though because I’m doing everything too quickly and not paying enough attention. So there’s some export-related things and a few minor clips I would have changed if I weren’t caught up in a in a rush. But overall I’m very, very happy with my crop of vids this year.

Favorite Vid:

Most of the time I have upwards of 8-16 vids a year and it’s easier to pick a favorite. When I do so few… they’re all my favorite. For different reasons.

For my Yennefer vid it’s my favorite editing.

For Mr. Brightside it’s my favorite song choice and tone (this is a cover in the style of The B-52s) for Jaskier.

My Fringilla vid — it’s my favorite thing that came together from all of the season footage of her character from seasons 1 and 2 and the song just makes me so happy that it tied everything together for her.

For the Vilgefortz/Geralt vid, oh it’s my favorite because it’s my pure id, heh, and my favorite build/pacing of all my vids.

My festivids are my favorite because I have been wanting to make things them for awhile now but hadn’t had the focus. And then I did!

Hardest to make:

The only thing that was hard was me exporting shitty stuff and not realizing it until days or weeks after I uploaded and crossposted. Anyway. I took my time with my festivid exports so those should look pretty good. Most successful:

They are all successful in my heart. I love them.

My best vid:

Probably my Fringilla or Vilgefortz/Geralt vid. I’m so happy how they turned out.

Most fun vid:

Mr. Brightside. I love playing with Jaskier’s humor with the song choice and the transitions.

Things I learned in 2023:

Mmm, I am still worked up about my fic WIPs and life anxieties that I wasn’t able to do more vidding things that I wanted. As for the projects themselves, I learned that it’s very handy to have a standing clip gallery all labelled and ready for when I want to make my next Witcher Netflix vid.

In 2024:

I always want to be ambitious in the new year but always end up wandering in completely unexpected directions. In any case I would love to finish my Moonhaven vid and get my brain in order to find the last of the Black Sails source I need for a vid idea that has been eating my brain for 4 months now. I also have my Philippa Eilhart Witcher vid I want to make as well as a season 3 Witcher Netflix vid too that’s taking up space in my brain.

[haztobegood]

⭐️ Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2023 ⭐️

I love doing this every year. (2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022) I can't believe I've been writing for six years now! I looked through my past annual posts and got a bit emotional, it's amazing to see how much I've grown and changed.

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 7

2. Word count posted for the year: 11,572

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Music RPF (The Snuts)

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson/Jack Cochrane, Louis Tomlinson/Bodyguard

5. Story with the most: Kudos: No (Birth) Control Bookmarks: No (Birth) Control Comments: Good Dogs Don’t Bark

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Chaos is a 100 word drabble that I'm very proud of. I tried for months to write a Louis/Bodyguard fic for the Louis Rare Pair fest and it just wasn't coming together. Putting a hard limit on the word count was a fun little challenge that helped me get the idea down on paper. At first I didn't know if I could build a steamy plot in so few words, but it worked out in the end and I couldn't be happier with it!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): Of the stuff posted this year, I'm not unhappy with anything, but if I had to rank everything, chapter 2 of Good Dogs Don’t Bark is at the bottom of the pack. I was in a weird mood writing-wise when I wrote that chapter and it reminds me of that time whenever I think of it.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: @allwaswell16 read Chaos on her podcast! I dedicated the drabble to her for inspiring and encouraging me all year when writing has been a struggle, and for being such a supportive mod for @louisrarepairfest!

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: All year! This is the least I've ever written since I started. Life has been full of big changes and it threw off my writing habits. I've also been very stuck in my head about certain aspects of writing that I never used to think twice about. I'm hoping now that life has settled and I've got somewhat of a new routine figured out, I can set some intentions and build up my habit again, because I really miss writing.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: This scene from Baking Memories made me burst out laughing when it came to me:

Looking down at his six little pies, Louis is starting to feel like a proper baker. Jack finishes up his last and says, “Alright, let’s top ‘em.” “I bet that’s your favourite part,” Louis jokes raising his eyebrows teasingly. “At least these don’t talk back when I’m topping.” “Oi!”

More under the cut.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From No (Birth) Control

He picked up another potato. Twisting the paring knife expertly around the spud, the thin brown peel sliced away from the white flesh in smooth, practiced movements. It was easy for Harry to get lost in the meditative efforts of slicing, dicing, and peeling. Just two potatoes remained when Harry caught Louis’ piquant scent through the open window. Harry paused his singing and peeling as he breathed in deeply. His sense of smell was always attuned to his alpha, but this close to heat the pull was even stronger. The back door opened. The scent enveloped him, stronger than the savoury aroma of the roast, as Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s middle, hugging him from behind. Harry melted back into his touch, forgetting about the half-peeled potato in his hand. “Hi baby.” Louis said, leaning in to drag his nose along the curve of Harry’s neck in tender greeting. “Alpha,” Harry sighed, tension he didn’t know he’d been holding meting away. He could stay like this, content in his alpha’s arms, forever. Louis licked up the side of his neck. The blatant scent marking sent shivers up Harry’s spine, and a light nip of sharp teeth over his bondmark started to make him wet. He would be half-tempted to bend over the counter, if it weren’t for the roast cooking in the oven and the twins playing in the yard. Harry bit back a whimper. “Lou, no,” he groaned. “I need to finish dinner.” With all his resolve, Harry gripped the paring knife tighter and focused his attention on peeling the remaining potatoes.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I've learned to be patient with myself. I have a lot of wips that I've started in 2019 or 2020 that aren't even close to being finished. I used to be so frustrated that I couldn't finish them, but now I've learned that sometimes the wip needs to sit in the dark cavern of the drafts folder to age like fine wine.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I want to be more intentional about setting time to write. I miss having a regular writing time and want to be able to work on some of the exciting ideas I have.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): @allwaswell16 and @himynameiszayn are the most supportive friends, they were always around to offer advice, help me think of words, and cheer me on when writing was hard. I don't think I would have written half the amount of words I posted if it wasn't for them.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I listened to The Snuts so much this year after seeing them play during FITFWT, so it was only natural for me to write a fic featuring Jack. I love the silly Christmas video the band shared a few years ago and knew it was perfect idea for the fic that became Baking Memories!

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: I touched on it a bit above, but sometimes taking a pause on a wip you're struggling with is a good thing. Give yourself grace to move on when an idea isn't coming together the way you want. It doesn't mean you need to give up on the story completely, it might just be the wrong time.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I am looking forward to writing something for @wankersday again, and I am getting closer to finishing my alien!Harry fic that's been 5 years in the making!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I tag @banaanipoika9 @louandhazaf @hazzabeeforlou @beelou anyone else that wants to do this!