#45 mins to make

[rragnaroks]

yum yum

[shehzadi]

tonight we die as a family, mohammed el-kurd

[english on the left as published in the poetry review & translated into urdu on the right by @/smuntahaali on instagram]

[captain-flint]

You make Stede happy. / I'll never leave you. I'll never leave again.

[chimerahyperfix]

This loop has to be the one. Nevermind that you said it last loop, and the one before, and the one before that, and most of the ones before that. THIS was the one you'd stop the King in his tracks. You push a few of your many potions to the side to make room on your desk. None of them worked to stop him, so they were useless. He's still about twelve, fourteen? hours away, so you have enough time to make the bomb, eat and take a fat nap before you go pick a fight. Maybe this time, it'll work! It has to!

You've gotten better at making the Craft Bomb. It hasn't blown up on you before you intended to use it in... a long time. You can make it fast enough, now, for it to still be light outside! You've become silent while you work, which Mirabelle has told you is ''worrying'', but you don't see why it is. Are you really that loud? (Yes. You are.)

It's hard work. Soft light bathes your desk, your work, you. You reach out, past your potions, and grab your water bottle. Take a big swig, and

Hmm. That's not water.

How. HOW do you keep making this mistake. You look at the bottle in your hand, and sure enough, it’s one of the potions; your water bottle is shoved in the back of the collection of other containers. The taste is caustic, your throat begins to burn. You shouldn’t be this calm for having just drank something that’ll kill you in a handful of minutes, but it’s happened before. Despite the pain you don't bother trying anything. Just push the finished bomb to the side and lay your face against the wood of the table. Feel the blood start to pool in your mouth and dribbling out, staining the wood. Mirabelle, or Euphie or whoever comes in next, they can use it this loop. It's not the first time you've drank one of the many, many dangerous potions on your desk, and it's probably not the last. Maybe you'll actually clean the crabbing thing off before you work.

Whatever. You have next time. You have all the time.

Perhaps a bit too much, actually.

[cockworkangels]

guy who's in the narrative

[pseudophan]

Worst part of twitter drama is that they LOVE to pull up out of context clips of BIG to make their point it's so annoying and makes no sense most of the time.

it's literally the dumbest shit. first of all half the clips they post is out of context but even when it isn't my biggest thing is like? that video is five years old atp? and ofc anything he said still stands if he hasn't contradicted it since but if he HAS then.. what are you doing. mainly him talking about wanting to keep his personal life private and not share details about his and phil's relationship. very valid! and to an extent that definitely still stands! but people use that clip to say you can't even say they're together cause that's "speculating", which is a double whammy cause 1. he didn't actually say we can't say they're together he just said HE wasn't going to go any deeper on it and, most importantly, 2. since then he's said??? so much???? more ?????? you can point to dan saying he wants to keep shit private all you want but it's insane to do that and then ignore the frankly baffling amount of instances since then of him Not Keeping Shit Private

but yeah in general big is a very nuanced video and the vast majority of clips in there can't really be shared as a gotcha for any side of any argument cause most of it will have another moment five minutes later where he says something different/adds to it. the overall message of big in terms of us as fans is essentially 'it sucked to be pestered about my personal life and boundaries were very much crossed but i don't hold any grudges and i understand and am flattered by the passion and there were also a lot of funny times i wish i could have partaken more in', which is a very nuanced stance that's still even just the very surface of all he was saying

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Expect clip posting to slow down due to irl nonsense.

Also from the 11th to the 18th I won’t have any computer access and very little internet access but I’ll schedule a couple clips beforehand for that week 🫡

[kermitmentality]

salad.

[ventiswampwater]

jack goodman x text posts

[orcelito]

Super sexy me is so sexy I accidentally set off the fire alarm while baking pie shells for my pumpkin pie. And now I don't know if I should've even baked them in the first place. But well. Too late now 👍

[tediousdelusion]

the absolutely most chaotic modern steddy hands au i can imagine is established couple ed and izzy with recently out divorce attorney stede.

like, izzy and ed got married young. maybe because they were drunk in vegas. maybe for the spousal immunity since they are and always have been involved in some less than reputable dealings. but they aren't exactly a "real" married couple in their own minds even tho they live together and their lives are needlessly intermingled.

ed is going through his midlife crisis. he's unhappy, wants to find out that there's more to life. and izzy is done with his shit after the most recent flight of fancy. because i love irony, i think that he buys a boat and comes up with some flimsy justification for why he needs it for "business purposes."

and so izzy threatens divorce, like he has a million times. and ed doesn't buy it because izzy is all talk. but izzy is serious this time - or at least he wants ed to think he's serious - and so he goes and hires a lawyer. not some bus stop lawyer either, no. he wants the real deal and his name is on the joint account, dammit, so ed's money can pay for it too.

enter stede bonnet, divorce attorney at law.

stede is from one of those old legal families. his father was a lawyer and his grandfather was a lawyer and his great-grandfather was... well, you get it. and stede doesn't really want to be a lawyer, but he doesn't have much choice in the matter. his biggest rebellion is practicing family law instead of becoming in house counsel for an investment bank.

for forty-odd years he plays the part of the good son, well after his father is dead. marries the girl he is supposed to, has two kids, a nice house, a steady job. and sure, he's never really happy happy, but he's a divorce attorney! every day he sees marriages so much worse than his own that he figures what he and mary have must be the best a person could hope for.

until woops! actually, no! his marriage is just as bad as half his clients' and now he's going through this whole process himself and oh, yes, on top of it all, he just realized that he's gay!

so between chauffeuring the kids, reading about all the gay culture he's missed in the past four decades, and catching up on his other cases, he ends up meeting one izzy hands. sad case, stede hates to see the end of a long marriage, but it seems easy enough.

except things aren't easy at all because 1) izzy and ed don't actually want to get divorced and 2) stede is starting to fall for ed, izzy's enigmatic and charming husband.

ed is falling for stede, too. of course he is! stede is interesting and new - he comes from this old family tradition that ed's never seen before, but he's also creative and witty and fascinated by ed. and so ed takes it upon himself to help introduce stede to gay culture, preferably by a hands on demonstration.

izzy knows what's going on. of course he does. he's seen ed take interest in someone before, knows what it looks like. but what he doesn't like is that stede is starting to return his interest. stede is izzy's fucking lawyer. if anyone should get to fuck him, it should be izzy.

cue a series of rom-com style hijinks where ed and izzy are both trying to seduce stede, stede is trying to save izzy and ed's marriage, and all three of them think they know what the others want. for more angst and more comedy, you can throw in some actual ethical rules, like how lawyers aren't supposed to start fucking their clients. (there's also a lot of conflict of interest here but shhhhhhhh)

of course, this ends in a throuple. exactly how could go a few ways. maybe izzy walks in on ed and stede and stede is waiting to be fired, but izzy just loosens his tie and joins them in bed. maybe they make it all the way to the first court appearance and when the judge asks if they really want the divorce they're like, nah. he's shagging the lawyer but i guess i want to be fucking him too. maybe stede forces them all to go to lucius sponsored couples counseling and they get perma-banned when they start making out on the couch.

anyway, no matter how it happens, i think stede quits divorce work to become izzy and ed's criminal defense attorney and they all have a long and morally bankrupt good time together

[sol-flo]

working on finishing off some games on my unfinished list but the two i'm currently playing are a vn that made robotgirl yuri boring and a game that'll definitely make me throw up from pissing myself off

[pentosesuga]

gross ethan and justin relationship micheal being a class A asshole cringe unnecessary ted and emmett relationship god beginning of s3 is just a landmine

[red-dyed-sarumane]

SHE CAN BE SO GOOD IF U JUST WORK WITH HER.............

[berlinini]

Is AFHF a one of a kind, stand-alone, annual event that Louis happens to be headlining (for now) or is it a fancy, extra special Louis tour show?

Because on one hand you had the festival account posting stories all day up until the headliner took stage.

On the other hand you have Louis making a special IG post that only features pictures of his performance.

I get wanting to separate his performance/ his involvement as an artist in the festival and not as an organizer, but the festival doesn’t stand on its own without him so it makes no sense. Why are they ignoring him on the official accounts.

I am genuinely puzzled. I’m of course not surprised by the legendary inability of his team to do something well but I’m curious about Louis’ angle here.

[itsthenerdwonder]

PJO book fans: PERCY KNOWS TOO MUCH! ANNABETH IS THE ONLY ONE WHO'S ALLOWED TO BE SMART ABOUT ANYTHING GREEK MYTH!

PJO tv fans: THEY DON'T HAVE TIME TO SHOW YOU EVERYTHING! DISNEY EXECS ARE THE REASON THE EPISODES ARE SO SHORT! IT'S NOT THE WRITER'S FAULT FOR NOT SHOWING HERMES LETTER!

PJO movie fans: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF THEY DON'T SPELL IT OUT! ALSO THEY NEEDED TO BRING BACK LOGAN FROM THE MOVIE NOT JULIAN RICHINGS! WHY DOES EVERYONE IGNORE US!

PJO musical fans: I just wanted D.A.O. Records to play a jazz remix of Good Kid. (ToT)