#90% of the time i love having vivid dreams and lucid dreaming | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years

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𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜: 𝙺𝚒𝚖 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, encouraging, justifying, promoting nor romanticizing yandere behavior or lifestyle. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of toxic relationships, stalking, murder, kidnapping, torture, mental manipulation, use of LSD, physical violence, mind breaking, sexual scenes and other yandere behavior. Read at your own discretion.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:

𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: 𝙺𝚒𝚖 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐

𝙳.𝙾.𝙱: 𝙽𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟽𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟿𝟿𝟾

𝙷𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝟷𝟽𝟸 𝙲𝙼/ 𝟻'𝟾 𝙵𝚃.

𝙰𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■□80%

𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■■100%

𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: ■■■■□90%

𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚛

𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜:

𝙴𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚒𝚝𝚢/𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 .

𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚟𝚊𝚕𝚞𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎.

𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚡𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 '𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝' 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝.

𝙴𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚍𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍.

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He was a lost and wandering soul when it happened.

It wasn't that he was depressed or unsatisfied with his life.

But for the longest time he felt....empty.

As if he was carrying a void that couldn't be filled.

Not even his favorite hobbies gave him joy any longer.

It was as if he was either tapping out tunes on the piano or splattering colors on articles of clothing.

They had no meaning whatsoever anymore.

Live no longer felt to have any more meaning to him.

He felt like he was merely an empty shell, just going through life but never actually living.

Coming out of an arts and crafts store, his hands were full of all sorts of acrylics and watercolors he had just bought.

A passing cyclist didn't see him and didn't really care as he slightly collided with Hongjoong.

Letting out a big "oof!" he stumbled onto the pavement underneath him, all his materials flying out.

Although he wasn't hurt much, he still let out a groan and tried to get up.

He was startled when a gentle hand reached out towards him, lending him some help.

Looking up, his heart somersaulted as he stared at the kind and beautiful stranger that was offering him assistance.

"Are you all right?" Her eyes were full of concern and tenderness for him.

Hongjoong forgot how to speak in that moment, too amazed and stunned by the beauty standing right in front of him.

Nevertheless he did take her hand, his body trembling nervously as soon as he had the first physical contact with her.

The woman shook her head as her eyebrows furrowed.

"Seriously, what a jerk. Can't believe some people honestly."

Hongjoong still didn't respond, instead he shyly began picking up some of the stuff that had fallen.

"Let me help you." She offered her help once more.

Of course she was faster and picked up most of the stuff because he had a huge scrape on his knee and he was limping slightly.

"Thank....thank you." His voice was barely above a whisper as he took the stuff away from her.

"You're welcome. Would you like me to help you carry them to your car?"

Waving his hand he adamantly denied her offer, assuring her over and over again that he was all right.

Before he could leave, the girl extended her hand once again.

"I'm Y/N by the way. Nice to meet you."

"Y/N...."

Her name repeated itself over and over again in his head even hours after she had left him.

Even as he layed in his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling, he couldn't keep the softest smile off his face.

He didn't know if he had drifted off to sleep or was zoning in and out of a lucid dream, but all he could think about was her.

He was up as soon as the sun rose up, flinging his blanket across the room as he ran to his desk and took out his sketchpad.

Right away, he began to outline her face, wanting the vivid image of her to stay with him should his mind ever dare to erase her from his memory.

Although he was satisfied with the ending result, it was still not enough for him.

He felt his goddess, his newfound muse needed more justice than just pencil to capture her beauty.

Watercolors, acrylics, oil pastels and even ink, there wasn't any art material that Hongjoong didn't use to create a portrait of Y/N.

Soon his studio was filled and covered with paintings of her and he couldn't be happier...

Until he realized how much he'd rather have the real thing right there in person with him, in his arms, holding her and never letting go.

He almost fell into a depressive state again, dreading the fact that he'd never see his beloved muse ever again......

Until he saw her once again, walking across the street from the cafe he was in.

He quickly sprung out of his seat and ran out the door, eager to see her once again and hopefully talk to her more.

Just as he was about to call out to her, he stopped when a male came up to her, hugging her ever so intimately and ruffling her hair.

Hongjoong's hand tightened into a fist, nails digging into his skin as his eyes burning with anger and jealousy.

"She's my treasure, I found her and I won't let anyone else take her from me."

Making sure they were unaware of his looming presence, he stalked them out, trying to find the perfect opportunity to strike.

They seemed to be going on some sort of date, which only fueled his anger.

Finally, after they both went their separate ways, Hongjoong followed the mysterious man home, not letting his chance escape.

As soon as the man parked in his driveway and got out of the car, Hongjoong cornered him.

Using his belt as a makeshift weapon, he wrapped it around the man's throat, tightening it until he cut off his air flow.

Although he put up quite a struggle, Hongjoong was so full of anger and rage that he kept him strangled until his body stopped writhing and layed cold on his feet.

Taking his keys, Hongjoong decided to go inside the house to see if he could find anymore information about his precious treasure, figure out where she lived and what not.

Finding a cabinet full of documents, not only did Hongjoong found her address but also ended up discovering the man he just killed was actually her brother, and not a lover as he believed him to be.

"Oh well. Mistakes happen." He justified himself.

"Besides, he still would have been an obstacle and might have come between us."

A week later and now he was waiting for her inside her house, not having any difficulty in breaking in.

His eyes would anxiously look at the time, waiting for her to come home from work like she would usually do at that time.

When he heard her car come up in the driveway, he took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.

Y/N walked into her house as usual, throwing her bag onto the couch.

As she was about to turn on the light, she felt a hard blow to her head, knocking her to the ground, her vision suddenly turning black.

When she awoke, she was beyond startled by all the countless portraits and clay figurines modeled after her.

Her eyes scanned the entire room, somewhat frightened by all the countless images of her staring back at her.

She was so bewildered by the scene that she didn't hear the door open and didn't see the person who came in until she was jolting out of her seat when a hand placed itself on her shoulder.

When she turned around and saw who it was that was smiling at her, she couldn't believe her eyes.

"You......you're...you're..."

Hongjoong nodded. "Yes my darling. I'm the man you helped out a month ago. Which, by the way I'm still grateful for."

Cupping her chin with his fingers, he leaned in to give her a kiss but she backed away, which made him frown.

"Hey, it's not very nice to reject someone's offer of gratitude darling. Did they not teach you manners at home?"

When he reached out to touch her once again, she smacked his hand away, moving as far away from him as possible.

Although it didn't really hurt him, Hongjoong was disappointed that his beloved muse could actually strike at him.

"This isn't what I imagined or expected from you love. You're supposed to be gentle, serene, obedient and just outright perfect.... like the pictures surrounding you.."

Y/N put her hands above her face when he crept closer to her once more, but Hongjoong, who was deceivingly strong for his body built, quickly took hold of them and uncovered her face.

"But that's ok.......if a small lump of clay can be easily molded into a beautiful vase, I'm sure I can mold you to perfection."

Y/N shuddered at his words, and tried to writhe her way out of his grasp as he pulled her out into the hallway and dragged her down into what she assumed was his basement.

Using his strength to overpower her, he easily strapped her down into one of the chairs he kept there, binding her legs and hands down.

"I suggest you start familiarizing yourself with this place Y/N. This...."

With an eerily calm and somewhat sadistic smile, Hongjoong extended his arms to gesture around the room.

"Is where your training begins."

7 months.......for 7 excruciating months, Y/N had been kept in Hongjoong's house, 3 of which were spent inside his room of horrors.

She still didn't understand how she came out of there alive and in one piece.

There wasn't a single night where she didn't relive the torture she went through.

Slapping, canning, limbs stretched out til they were almost out of their sockets, head submerged in water til she nearly passed out.

One time she had resisted so much and pissed Hongjoong off extremely by slapping him that he strapped her hand down and smashed her fingers one by one, breaking them entirely.

Of course, although he helped her heal them as he did her other wounds because he didn't want permanent physical damage on his treasure.

It'd only serve to ruin and taint her perfect image.

But the worst for Y/N wasn't going through all the physical torture.....

Her worst nightmare was all the times Hongjoong dosed her on LSD, prompting her to start hallucinating horrible scenarios.

Her mind seemed to weaken with every dosage he gave her, it would slowly eat away every last bit of her sanity.

Which might explain why now she tried to be more obedient and pliant towards Hongjoong, doing everything as he said and exactly how he wanted her to.

Although occasionally she would still step out of line, he'd shoot her a glare and warn her about it.

"Do you want to go back down there? Did I not give you sufficient training?"

At the sole mention of being taken back downstairs, she'd immediately remember herself and portray the illusion he wanted.

Hongjoong seemed thrilled to finally have created the perfect model, his beautiful creation came to life.

He was absolutely head over heels for his lovely goddess, she was beyond perfect and ethereal.

Sure she still had a little bit of stubbornness in her, but that was easily fixed and she'd be his perfect little doll once more.

And he loved praising her and reminding her about it, especially when they were intimate.

"See love? I knew you would come to love me." He whispered softly in her ear, a low moan escaping his lips as he moved inside of her.

Kissing the sides of her neck, he panted softly as he came inside her.

"My beautiful and perfect goddess."

Months turned to over a year and although Y/N still played the part of a loving and perfect soulmate, she didn't know how long she could take it anymore.

Perhaps it was being locked up for so long, perhaps it was the fear Hongjoong instilled in her. Maybe she was tired from playing a role she couldn't keep up with anymore.

All that combined with the fact she was now pregnant with Hongjoong's child, her hormones going crazy and her mind worrying about what her future would be like had her ready to snap.

One particular day, she just about had it.

Hongjoong had been smothering her all day, constantly nagging about taking care of herself and not harm the baby.

Her blood was boiling with rage as he kept pestering her about it over dinner.

Having had enough, she got out of her seat and reached for the nearest kitchen knife and pointed it at her stomach.

"Why don't I just rip out the baby out then? Maybe then you'll be satisfied."

Hongjoong immediately got up and tried to take the knife away from her.

"Y/N! Have you lost your mind?!" He exclaimed.

"If I lost my mind it's all thanks to you!"

Even after Hongjoong managed to toss the knife out of her hands, Y/N still continued to struggle and smack her hands at him, beating at his chest as hard as she could.

"I hate you!" She declared before her fist tried to collide with his face, but Hongjoong being faster than her, stopped it from hitting him.

Outraged that his model was breaking down, he picked her up, not caring about her being pregnant and stomped his way back to the training room.

Y/N was already bursting into tears when he began strapping her down into the chair, protesting about it.

"You'll hurt our child you mon-."

Gripping her throat tightly, he cut her off from finishing that sentence.

"This coming from the one threatening to rip the innocent baby out herself. But don't worry, I'll make sure no harm comes to our child."

Letting go of her neck, he quickly took out a familiar vial and needle out of a cabinet.

Although Y/N tried to get away, it was no use as she was once again tied up and the sting of the fluids shooting up her veins, making her dizzy immediately.

Hongjoong only watched with a blank face as the drugs started to take effect.

Going back to the cabinet, he took out a folder and walked back to Y/N with it.

"Now.... I never planned to show you this, but I guess you left me no choice."

Even in her hazy state, Y/N could make out what seemed to be a picture of her brother, but she wasn't sure if it was an illusion or not

"Yes, that is your brother indeed. Took care of you when your parents died and you were very attached to him. Your only living relative right?.....or is he?"

Pulling out another picture, Hongjoong made sure to hold it up right in her face so she could clearly see the gruesome image.

"This is how I left him after I attacked him one night. You'll be proud, he put up quite a good fight, but as you can see......in the end he still lost." He actually had the audacity to chuckle as if it was an amusing thing.

Y/N wanted to scream, but her body wouldn't allow it.

She couldn't believe that her remaining family, the only hope she could grasp onto and help get her out of the mess....

Was gone, forever vanished from the face of the earth by the same monster who took her away.

She no longer had the physical, mental nor emotional strength to resist and fight anymore.

She allowed her body to succumb to the effects of the drugs, eyes closing as she fell into a deep sleep full of haunting memories and images.

When she awoke hours later, she felt absolutely nothing, only numbness.

Gently stroking her hair, Hongjoong leaned in and scanned her expressionless face, satisfied when she just allowed him to pet her as he pleased, no longer resisting his touch.

"Do you know who you are?" He simply asked her.

Without even so much as blinking, she answered in a monotone, almost robotic voice:

"I'm your soulmate, your muse and your goddess, and I love no one but you."

Hongjoong nearly bursted into tears. Finally after so long, after so many experiments and efforts, he finally created his ultimate masterpiece.

"Perfect......at last...you're absolutely perfect.

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spyrograph · 6 years

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DS9 airport AU

It’s a tiny regional airport in a small city that’s fallen on hard times. There are maybe two gates and only one runway. It looks like it was built in the 40′s and has never been remodeled. Most of the traffic is private planes and the smallest connecting commercial flights.

Quark’s Restaurant & Bar & Grill always smells like breakfast and cigarettes. The carpet has been replaced in sections and none of the squares quite match. Vintage arcade games line the narrow hall that leads to the restrooms.

There’s a news stand that sometimes has fresh flowers. There’s always a religious nut handing out beautifully illustrated pamphlets about the alien oppressors. The baggage carousel never stops rattling.

Nobody’s really sure why Garak chose to set up shop in the space that used to be the car rental office. Most of his business seems to come from dry cleaning pilots’ uniforms.

((This got long for something that isn’t a fic.))

Corrupt Mayor Dukat has been trying for decades to shut down this tiny airport so he can get funding to build a larger, more modern one. The entire region is in decline and it seems entirely due to Dukat’s political scheming.

Don Enabran Tain from the big city upstate has had a run-in with the Feds. He plans to reroute his “business” through this tiny airport until everything blows over. Tain is giving his bastard son one last chance to prove his loyalty. Garak’s Clothiers is only a front for a drug smuggling gig.

There’s an old hotel across the street from the airport. Everyone is convinced that it’s haunted but it’s the only 4-star hotel in the city so that’s where travelers and flight attendants stay. Julian Bashir (jet-setter, old-money, dilettante) has been spending a suspicious amount of time there. The rumor mill says he’s having an affair with one of the city’s residents.

Julian Bashir is actually working for the federal government under duress. If he doesn’t help the Feds he’ll loose everything- because Richard Bashir committed an ungodly amount of tax fraud.

Odo is the city’s sheriff. He’s working closely with the Feds on this case. Odo absolutely cannot stand the fact that organized crime is happening in his city.

Kira is the city’s overworked District Attorney. She honestly just wants Mayor Dukat to die because that would fix 90% of the city’s problems.

Sisko is the airport’s new manager. He took this job because he wanted to raise his son in a wholesome small-town environment. Sisko has always had very vivid, lucid dreams.

Worf is a TSA agent. His inflexibility and anger issues are the reason he was reassigned to this tiny airport with basically no traffic.

Jadzia, is the air traffic controller. She’s too young to have ulcers but she has them anyway because her job is unreal levels of stressful. You wouldn’t know it though- she’s really good at compartmentalizing.

Miles is an aircraft technician. He’s a shell-shocked veteran. Keiko is merciless about making sure he takes care of himself.

Rom is a baggage handler. He wears two pairs of ear plugs under his ear protection because he gets overstimulated at least five times a day.

Leeta is a flight attendant. She once jokingly said that she would marry the man who could guess where she was born. Quark has been methodically listing off cities for years.

Damar is a pilot. He went to school with Dukat. They played football together. They attended the same college and they planned to run for office together. They had a serious falling-out and neither of them will say why.

The Dominion is a multinational corporation that takes advantage of Mayor Dukat’s ambition. The Dominion promises to create jobs and stimulate the local economy. What they actually do is monopolize literally everything and convert the whole city into a next-level dystopian “company town”

The economic woes of this small airport and this small city are a microcosm of what is happening all over the planet in the wake of the Dominion’s aggressive capitalism.

((This is the point where the plot goes from “realistic crime drama” to “actually, i lied, this is science fiction,”))

THE BIG TWIST:

The Founders are actually alien invaders. The Dominion Corporation is just the most cost-efficient method of subjugating the population.

The Vorta are actually aliens. They’re also lawyers, secretaries, regional managers, and every other corporate stooge you might think of.

The Jem’Hadar are hired thugs. They’re mostly human. “Ketracel White. It’s transformative!” is a slogan.

COMEDY BITS:

Quark gets busted for smuggling exotic fish.

Worf is genuinely embarrassed by the sex toys he encounters while searching luggage.

Julian uses bad pickup lines on Leeta, “You must have been born in the clouds because you’re an angel.”

Benjamin keeps dreaming that his baseball turns up in weird places. His baseball keeps turning up in weird places.

Garak goes over-the-top flaming-homosexual-cliche in an attempt to get Julian out of his shop. It has the opposite effect.

ROMANCE BITS:

Garak and Bashir have a torrid this-could-be-my-last affair because both of them have everything to lose.

Worf and Jadzia’s love-to-hate-you relationship escalates to a full-on-brawl. They fuck in the men’s room and then pretend it never happened.

Rom accurately guesses that Leeta was born on an airplane over the Pacific Ocean and proposes. She accepts.

DRAMA BITS:

Jake Sisko uses Ketracel White in order to gain entry to the Dominion factory and uncover the truth. He is successful but the long-term effects of the drug are devastating.

Garak travels to the big city upstate and confronts Don Tain. Tain, on his death bed, forgives Garak but bequeaths the “family business” to Pythas Lok.

Odo is revealed to be a Founder. He was sent ahead as a scout but fell in love with the planet and it’s people.

Damar’s falling out with Dukat happened because Damar (drunk and/or coked out) killed Ziyal in a car accident. Dukat believes that Damar did it deliberately.

Ben Sisko realizes that his “lucid dreams” actually effect reality. He is kidnapped by the Dominion. The Female Founder interrogates him because she believes he is an alien! That’s ridiculous! Isn’t it?

Dukat (hyped up on Ketracel?) assaults Kira. She destroys him; physically and politically. She then proceeds to kick asses and take names.

HORROR BITS:

Wiki How To Make a Jem’Hadar Army with Disenfranchised Youth and Ketracel White.

CLIMACTIC BITS:

A joint FBI/mafia assault team retakes the airport and prevents SOMETHING BAD from happening.

Miles terrifies the living shit out of everyone with his sniper skills.

Damar does a kamikaze with an empty 747, destroys the Ketracel factory, and eliminates the Female Founder.

Benjamin is rescued. He accepts that he is not entirely human and uses his “lucid dream” ability to remove all traces of Ketracel from Jake’s body.

Sisko and Odo board a Dominion space ship: they hope to intercept the Dominion forces and convince them to turn around.

ENDING BITS:

Kira is elected mayor.

Jake’s investigative reporting earns him a Pulitzer or something.

Rom and Leeta get hitched. Garak and Julian slow dance at the reception.

The airport gets rebuilt. (It was totally trashed in the climactic battle.)

Nobody knows what happened to Sisko and Odo. Either they were successful or the world will be destroyed sometime in the near future. People are preparing for the worst but hoping for the best.

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jukaizek · 6 years

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TL;DR just found out about my neptune actually being in the 1st house instead of the 12th (kinda still a noob with this natal shit so i probably dk what im talking about😂)

//sorry for long post dump but idk how tf to cut this shit short in mobile and already ran out of pages in my journal ages ago so yay for public rambling. barely got any sleep so already forgot 90% of what i said-- can you spell regret//

for the longest time i was attached to the idea of having it in the 12th house because i wanted it to make sense. and its kinda ironic cause the more i read about the qualities of a 1st house neptunian, the more i realized why i even wanted my illusion to be part of my identity so badly-- i had no "real" identity to cling on to. just constantly lost. lost to who i really am as person. so much so that i unconsciously started chasing whatever image everyone else has been trying to project onto me. tried to be the ideal person they wanted to me to be, or thought i was. it was pretty easy since apparently 1st house nepts are impressionable and tend to absorb emotional tones of their surroundings. even their tastes and views get warped into the people they surrounded themselves the most with.

when i look at my chart and see the number, read about it countless of times, i didnt get any of my answers. i thought lucid dreaming 24/7 and having vivid dreams in general checked it off as accurate but i never really understood the rest of the stuff the descriptions had as well. i was unsure about all the "spiritual" bs and "being so out of touch with reality cause ive transcended this plane of existence" just never stuck to me. they never sounded right, as much as i wanted to have all of those qualities. i started having dreams where i feel like i was being warned about something to come-- and the dreams about my brother's accident was the final push that tipped me further into believing the "psychic" shit of that placement lmao. still, i wanna believe some part of that applies.

im trying to figure out how tf this confusion even happened in the first place. i used a bunch of birth chart calculators and half would say 1st house while the other the 12th. and the latter just happened to be the first version i recorded when i started out delving deeper into my natal chart.

now ive got mixed feelings about it. bummed cause ive spent so much time taking that shit too seriously that ive idealized the placement too much-- relying on it to manifest itself perfectly somehow instead of figuring it out internally. but happy that i learned more. and should probably stop doing the rest to my other placements from here on.

a lot of things make more sense to me now. like how both my saturn in 3rd and jupiter in 3rd gives me deep-rooted issues when it comes to communication/expressing my thoughts fluently. i was always so frustrated at how i couldnt get the exact shit i had on my mind out. insecure and jealous of other piscean mercury natives cause i couldnt apply the same placement in my chart as well as i thought i should have been able to. my lack of confidence turning a conversation i shouldve been naturally so passionate about to laconic ass interactions. its just so unnecessary. like why am i even fucking anxious about butchering my own self expression in the first place. coming out so off base that others would get the wrong idea? or maybe worse case, id offend people when i didnt mean to. so afraid of how it will come out that i cant even form a cohesive sentence in person. probably why it's so easy for neptune in the 1st people to be molded into other people's ideal personas in the first place. it feels safer to just submit-- driving my scorpio mars INSANE cause it just gives people the impression that "not having opinions" = idgaf about how they treat me. which is why im thankful for my aries sun (also in the 3rd--100%talkative child in a nut)to at least make up for that pussy mentality and just punch myself inside into submission until i forget my fears and just wallow in regret later 😂. gotta love that ego-seesaw stg

also explains why i seem to attract different types people like magnets for only so long until they finally realize how far off their first impression of me really was. or they're just straight up as confused as i am lmao. aqua dom/ uranus in the 1st / venus gemini doesnt help either cause of course my fickle ass cant resist switching shells and faces real quick or else i die out of boredom.

and neptune isnt even a major planet so idk why im getting so worked up about anything😂

anyways, gonna go back to reading about it some more cause i still cant believe my lazy ass somehow didnt figure to check it out more closely even when i first started having doubts about that placement years ago.

#neptune in the 1st #natal chart #long post #saturn in the 3rd #jupiter in the 3rd

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ohheygriefsucks · 7 years

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Sleep no more.

I dream every night. I remember my dreams, and they’re vivid most always.

For the first three months following my mom’s death, I dreamed of her dying every single night. Vivid and horrific variations of the memories I retained. For whatever reason, if was never a play by play of the actual events. Most of the time it was if an ellipses had occurred, and her death was a false alarm. She was still alive- but never healthy. My mom would have evaded death, only to have it looming just around the corner; this time for good. Some nights I knew she was going to die, but obviously had to keep it secret from her, as her spirits were usually higher. Watching your mom die in real life, and then watching her die every single night for 90+ days is exhausting. I’d wake up exhausted. One night, I begged out loud for them to stop, and they did.

The relief was not permanent, but I’ve not had a steady block of them since.

They have become fewer and far between, but they are still just as jarring. Take just as much life out of me. Have me going through the motions the following day in a daze.

I had one of those dreams last night. Not at all convenient when you’re prepping for your last 14 hour work day before a two week hiatus. I’ve felt like shit for the past two weeks straight. A pestery cold gave way to an IBS flare up which, of course, gave way to anxiety. I’m constantly nauseous for no reason (not pregnant, but thanks for thinking I get laid). I’m always slightly dizzy. I can’t eat anything without my stomach cramping up, but I push through it. Because of all that, I’m constantly freaking out on the inside. Nothing seems to help, and a solid night’s sleep continues to elude me. Before having last night’s dream, I had already awoken at 1:30 AM because my heart was beating two times per second. I had to take .25mg of Xanax to bring it down and allow me to sleep, but taking a drug that makes you super drowsy 5 hours before you have to wake up will throw you off for the whole day. And when I finally did get back to sleep, it was only to watch my mother regain lucidity, then die, completely unable to influence the outcome.

I miss her so much. Seeing her and hearing her in these dreams is all I have. It’s like getting her back, and then throwing myself down a rocky hill. It hurts. I woke up feeling sick and fuzzy. I was tired all day. Flickers of the dream popped up throughout the day at random. It was like I was walking down the street with one foot on the curb for 14 hours. I love my job. So much. And I am actually proud of myself for being strong, and always going in and forcing myself to hope for the best. So that’s got to be a sign of growth, surely. But I’m tired. So fucking tired. And I feel like I’m screaming into a void.

People don’t like to hear about other people’s dreams. I realize this may be the most annoying post to date, to force you empathize with an idea of someone you never knew. So thanks for bearing with me. There’s no resolution, and that is the point.

#dreams #death #deadmomsclub #cancer #breastcancer #MotherlessDaughters #grief

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givemestrenghtnot2talkboutwinona · 7 years

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I was tagged by @tinyryder thank you girl

Okay so answer the questions and then tag 8 people!

What made you sign up to Tumblr? My obsession with Rachel McAdams and not wanting to miss any of the great posts her fandom blogs posted

What did your blog start off as being? Rachel McAdams and The Maine, a few movies and series and personal stuff very seldom

Have you ever received any creepy asks, and if so, what did they say? Nope.

Have you ever had a bad experience on tumblr? I hate having so many porn blogs following me for no apparent reason

If you had to pick a favourite English monarch, who would you pick? I don’t know any of them

Do you prefer hot or cold? I honestly don’t know

Do you have a special skill or talent? Harmonizing, tidying, organizing, and wasting my time

Do you have a phobia of anything? Just thinking of having to go to a hospital, either for me or someone else. I guess that’s all

If you had to pick a favourite real life villain from history, who would you pick? Shoot idk any real life villain i can call a favourite

Do you have any dark traits? I can’t hide or disimulate my bad mood.

If you could do anything, literally anything, like fly on a unicorn or something, what would it be? To quote Hayley “I don’t want superpowers or anything I just want to meet Winona and have her like me”. Also travel, watch all themovies and series I’m willing so bad to watch, be an actress

What is the scale of the worst argument you’ve ever had? I’m not someone who dares to argument or discuss that much and that big so i really dont know what score to give myself. I’ve had a few discussions this past year tho, but i still dont know

What is your favourite slush flavour? I’ve never tried those but i dont think I’ll like them

If you could bring back any food or drink from your childhood that has been discontinued, what would it be? A brand of cookies from Brazil called Trakinas which aren’t exported to Argentina anymore

What is your favourite and most vivid childhood memory? I’m not sure if its a favourite but i always remember how when i was around 6-8 years old, with my brother we used to change our clothes to wear what our mom chose for us when we were visiting our family and we would get ready in my parents bedroom with 80s-90s music from the radio. I guess that’s a reason why I love that music so much

If you could bring anyone back from the dead who would it be? My grandmother who past away when i was 3 and my mom says we have so much in common and we would spend so much time talking. And my godmother who was a gift and a blessing to me and my family

If you could go back to any time period and live there for a week, which period would it be and why? The 90’s bc the movies and clothes and music were cool and I kinda wanna be forced to live without smartphones and tablets and laptops for awhile. Also the 50′s 60′s and 70′s or the same reason. and the 80′s only for the music

If you could visit any abandoned place to take pictures, where would it be? Idk any abandoned place that i would like to photogrpah

Do you have any particular, peculiar interests? Obsessions with actresses since im 10 that make my mom suspicious of my sexual orientation which honestly is insulting af bc as a dreamer of being an actress, they are just role models and women whose acting I admire

Do you have a creepy/scary experience that has happened to you, and what was it? I have to think really hard to remember. I don’t think i had any fortunately

Do you like/read creepypasta stories? If so, what’s your favourite story? Nope

If you were in the Wars of the Roses, would you be a Lancastrian, or a Yorkist? I don’t know what that is

What is your recurring nightmare? Does it count noticing when i wake up that my dreamed days with actresses I love had never existed?

Have you ever had a lucid dream? Lately is hapenning pretty often, it’s crazy

If you could go to another planet, which would it be? Idk what kind of question is that. I guess Urane or Neptune bc i love their color

What is your religion, if any? Catholic but i don’t practice a lot. It’s more like inherated

Have you ever got so drunk, that you did something really embarrassing, and if so, what did you do? I actually never got drunk but I’m dying to know what would I do and how could i behave

Mike, Dustin, Lucas, or Will? Dustin for sure, but I also love Mike

Do you like Marina and the Diamonds? I just know the song Savages and is greeeat

Charli XCX? What?

Tag a blog that you’ve seen, and you love their posts, but have never told them, and would like to talk to them. To quote Hayley once more “Tbh when I like a blog, I usually tell them so I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t know I love them lmao” but maybe i forgot to do it with a few in the past

Pick one thing you like/love from the 80s. Its music

What year were you born, and name something cool from that year. 1997. Alien resurrection is boring but Winona is a little badass android who swears a lot and gives life. Idk what else to say

What was your blog name originally? (If you had another blog name) lucrebello, my name. I didnt want ppl i know to find my blog so when i started my Winona obsession, after a few months i changed it

Do you follow any blogs that you know the user in real life? My cousin and one of my friends but we dont talk to much here on tumblr. We have very different blogs

If you are in the ST fandom, which is your favourite song off the ST soundtrack? THE SCORE. Over, Kids, Cops are good at finding, Lay Z Boy, Agents, Eleven, You can talk to me, Stranger things, She’ll kill you, Run away, Rolling out the pool, Tribulations specially

Finally, give your opinion on the person who tagged you! @tinyryder knows all i have to say about her, she’s the best

I’m tagging @free-winona @dadharbour @antniobanderas @astrangeandunusualgirl @brie-larson @elieadeux @90sjunkie

#i had to do it #always reember ill do these asks ang things eventually

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mikeswheeler · 7 years

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I was tagged by the lovely @finnxwheeler and @jewishstanuris ♡

Okay so answer the questions and then tag 8 people!

What made you sign up to Tumblr? HOOO BOI well i’ve been on this site for,,, a long time lmao i signed up with my first account aka my main, personal one in around early 2011 ??? and it was honestly just bc i wanted to see what this site was all about bc i kept hearing ppl talk about it on other sites and reference it and i was like ???? what is Tumblr anyways ?? (like it was all bc of that “What is air?” stuff that was happening and i was so confused bc i was like why is everyone asking about air and then my older brother was like oh it’s a Tumblr thing so i was like what’s that and well,, the rest is history)

What did your blog start off as being? WELL my first account was basically cringe-central, like this was in 2011 so my content was basically Memes and Tumblr-esque inspirational quotes and cheesy, basic lookin’ photography (i was also really into anime and Harry Potter at the time so that was another thing) (oh and for some reason i had a Lolita phase where i was super into that style of fashion) (i was a weeb as a child)

Have you ever received any creepy asks, and if so, what did they say? Ehhhhhh,,, kind of ??? like i’ve definitely gotten a couple that i either wanted to deflect or i just kind of conveniently deleted it from my inbox and pretended it never happened lmao

Have you ever had a bad experience on Tumblr? All the pornbots like it’S SO ANNOYING ??? AND GROSS ?? it’s especially apparent on my personal blog idk why but i have to block so many at a time smh

If you had to pick a favourite English monarch, who would you pick? This is like a question i’ve never had to think about so I’m not really sure what to answer...

Do you prefer hot or cold? COLD COLD COLD i’m also in California though so our cold isn’t like...... unbearable ya know ??? but i can’t stand being super hot and sweaty, it’s so uncomfortable !!!

Do you have a special skill or talent? UHM I GUESS ACTING ????????? idk i kinda don’t wanna say that bc that’s implying i’m like ‘good’ at or whatever, but i have been in multiple plays/musicals before and even gotten an award for one of my roles so i guess that counts for something !!!

Do you have a phobia of anything? Tight spaces, spiders (or just bugs in general), the dark, heights, anything medical related so blood and needles and hospitals and what not, aliens/the paranormal/supernatural (it’s not such a wild concept ok like it’s all totally plausible)... uHM yah i’m a big baby about a lot of things

If you had to pick a favourite real life villain from history, who would you pick? Again, never had to consider this question before in my life so i’m not really sure !!!

Do you have any dark traits?

There are times where i’m pretty withdrawn and moody and easily irritated

If you could do anything, literally anything, like fly on a unicorn or something, what would it be?

Is it weird if it’d be something like,,, be cast on Stranger Things ??? like i think i fantasize about being on that show ten times a day, i just...... i really wanna be on Stranger Things gOD IMAGINE HOW AMAZING THAT WOULD BE

What is the scale of the worst argument you’ve ever had? Slamming doors, raised voices, lots of crying...... fun times !!!

What is your favourite slush flavour? Not really into slushies tbh

If you could bring back any food or drink from your childhood that has been discontinued, what would it be? DUNKAROOS ????? i feel like any snack from the 90s tho like we just don’t have anything as fun as what we had back then

What is your favourite and most vivid childhood memory? Nothing specific but i remember playing outdoors with my siblings A LOT like we had a pretty big backyard so we’d constantly be out there, being imaginative and coming up with fake scenarios and acting them out, or like playing with the hose in the summertime or THE POOL omg we had this pool and we’d be in it so much...... also video game battles with my older brother ! my childhood was kinda shitty but at least i have those moments to reflect back on

If you could bring anyone back from the dead who would it be? My first theatre teacher from high school... he passed away due to cancer around my sophomore year... he was really inspiring to me, i mean he’s kinda the reason why i stuck with that class and didn’t totally give up (thus resulting in me finding out that i love acting and that’s what i wanted to do with my life)

If you could go back to any time period and live there for a week, which period would it be and why? GIVE ME THE 80′S OH MY GOD my mom grew up in the 80′s as a teenager so i always hear all the stories from her about what it was like and it seemed like ??? so cool ?? especially if you were a teen like what a dream ! give me my 80′s teen movie memories !!!

If you could visit any abandoned place to take pictures, where would it be?

Wow, this is actually a good question....... maybe like a retro arcade or art museum or amusement park ???? i feel like those could make for some Neat Photos (the aesthetic tho)

Do you have any particular, peculiar interests? Hmmmmm psychology interests me ?? i took a psychology class my junior year of high school and it was really fascinating, learning about human behavior and those stories of old psychology experiments (so Wild too like damn, i can’t believe they got away with so much shit back then)

Do you have a creepy/scary experience that has happened to you, and what was it? Not necessarily to me personally like, i’ve heard things before but idk to what extent that could mean so i never really looked Too Much into it bUT UHM i know my family has, especially in my childhood home (that place was straight up haunted like i swear) ALTHOUGHHHHH one night my mom was talking to us about something she saw in her room and all of a sudden a bunch of weird shit started going on in our apartment like our printer kept turning on and off and noises came from the kitchen like a cabinet shutting and things like that IT WAS CREEPY OK

Do you like/read creepypasta stories? If so, what’s your favourite story? Don’t really have a favorite, but i have read creepypasta stories in the past before - they’re pretty intriguing ! (i’m a total wuss tho!!!! which is why i don’t read enough to have a personal favorite)

If you were in the Wars of the Roses, would you be a Lancastrian, or a Yorkist? Haven’t given this any thought before to decide so I DON’T KNOW !

What is your recurring nightmare? Don’t really have any ?????

Have you ever had a lucid dream? Nah, because the moment i become aware i’m dreaming and i can do whatever i want, i wake up !!! it’s so frustrating lmao

If you could go to another planet, which would it be? UHM i just really like the way Saturn looks lmao also Venus bc it sounds Nice but in terms of living conditions, i’m sure none of those are suitable

What is your religion, if any? Don’t really have one !!!! (in the sense of actively practicing) although my mom is Jewish so i have always felt the most connected to that one

Have you ever got so drunk, that you did something really embarrassing, and if so, what did you do? i’ve never gotten drunk before so lmao

Mike, Dustin, Lucas, or Will? THIS IS ???? NOT FAIR ??? THEY’RE ALL MY SONS HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE JUST ONE but fine, i pick Mike just bc i feel the most related to him in the sense of personality traits

Do you like Marina and the Diamonds? SURE ??? she’s got some good stuff

Charli XCX? YAH SURE WHY NOT i like some of her stuff !!

Tag a blog that you’ve seen, and you love their posts, but have never told them, and would like to talk to them. @miliebobbybrown HER EDITS ARE ALWAYS SO ??? GOOD ???? her whole blog is total #goals just bc of how Nice everything is like wow i am,,, Intimidated but in the best way possible

Pick one thing you like/love from the 80s. The pop culture :^) (movies, music, fashion...... like wow, i just love it all so much)

What year were you born, and name something cool from that year. 1998 and Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets was published

What was your blog name originally? (If you had another blog name) This one was originally lifeisdefinitelystrange (rip)

Do you follow any blogs that you know the user in real life? KIND OF ?? I JUST MET @telekineticeggos FOR THE FIRST TIME IN REAL LIFE LAST NIGHT SO LMAO but we’re also planning on doing more things together in real life in the next few months so YEET

If you are in the ST fandom, which is your favourite song off the ST soundtrack? Africa by Toto (duh), Atmosphere by Joy Division, Heroes by Peter Gabriel, and When It’s Cold I’d Like To Die by Moby (those last two songs were too emotionally impacting to not name) and from the score itself i LOVE KIDS THAT ONE IS SO GOOD TO ME LMAO but tbh i love the entire score and soundtrack ???? it’s so hard to pick just One Favorite

Finally, give your opinion on the person who tagged you! @finnxwheeler - YOUR WRITING NEVER FAILS TO AMAZE ME WOW ??? i’m always in tears over how flawless your fics are like Whiskey and Broken Hearts destroyed me my dude like oh my goddddd i love your characterization of Mike and Will in all your fics :’) one of my favorite byeler blogs ♡ (also you’re super cool in general like wow what a Neat Person)

@jewishstanuris - I LOVE TALKING TO YOU !!! you’re so nice to me and understanding when i take ten years to reply LMAO also your writing is also super good ??? you should do it more often tbh like i swear you don’t do it enough bc i remember only seeing a few things written by you on here in the fandom buT LIKE THEY WERE SO GOOD AND LIKE ???? DO MORE OF THAT MAYBE ??? another rlly good blog apart of the byeler ship ♡ :’)

OK SO I’M GONNA TAG THESE GOOFS - @telekineticeggos, @dadharbour, @baileytsample, @elevenknope, @nessa007, @theamiableanachronism, @eggo-my-leggo, and @ghost-grantaire ♡ (obviously you don’t have to do it if you’re not interested or if you’ve done it already!)

#thanks for the tag !!!!!!#im love u all #for fun

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mirkwoodz · 7 years

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FUN LITTLE GAME

I was tagged by @atimeofwhichwehavenoknowledge. Thanks, Mel! <3

Okay so answer the questions and then tag 8 people!

What made you sign up to Tumblr? It happened in 8th grade when I was trying to lose weight and followed all the pro-ana blogs and also tracked my progress. I wish I’d known better lol

What did your blog start off as being? Well, as I said, I was tracking my weight loss but it quickly changed into a kpop blog and that’s how I stayed for lots of years tbh

Have you ever received any creepy asks, and if so, what did they say? Lmao yeah the creepiest was this girl fantasizing about me and kyungsoo back when I was into kpop and it was weird af

Have you ever had a bad experience on tumblr? Yeah some chinese girls tracked me down and bullied me bc i would edit photos taken by them

If you had to pick a favourite English monarch, who would you pick? Idk man im not good at this

Do you prefer hot or cold? HOTTT but id rather die by cold

Do you have a special skill or talent? No i dont think so

Do you have a phobia of anything? Yeah, i dont like rats, small or crowded places.

If you had to pick a favourite real life villain from history, who would pick? I ve always been interested in the Fritzl case and so id pick joseph fritzl bc i rly wanna know why he did that and how he managed to do it for so long

Do you have any dark traits? Yeah i get hurt way too easily and im not comfortable with a lot of people

If you could do anything, literally anything, like fly on a unicorn or something, what would it be? Teleport myself wherever i want to

What is the scale of the worst argument you’ve ever had? I dont even wanna think about it lol

What is your favourite slush flavour? I never liked slush

If you could bring back any food or drink from your childhood that has been discontinued, what would it be? I can still find everything i ate or drank in childhood so idk

What is your favourite and most vivid childhood memory? Sitting in front of the porch with my grandma and trying to get away from mosquitos lol. She’d tell me stories and talk about her childhood

If you could bring anyone back from the dead who would it be? No one tbh

If you could go back to any time period and live there for a week, which period would it be and why? 80s or early 90s for sure

If you could visit any abandoned place to take pictures, where would it be? I’ve always wanted to go to auschwitz so yeah

Do you have any particular, peculiar interests? Lately its been tiny houses lol i watch every video out there on youtube about how tiny houses are built and how people live in them

Do you have a creepy/scary experience that has happened to you, and what was it? Way too many

Do you like/read creepypasta stories? If so, what’s your favourite story? I like it altho i dont rly keep up with it. My fav story was about ed, edd n eddy and how their town was actually a purgatory for dead children.

If you were in the Wars of the Roses, would you be a Lancastrian, or a Yorkist? nope

What is your recurring nightmare? My parents dying

Have you ever had a lucid dream? Nope but i tried tho lol

If you could go to another planet, which would it be? Pluto if it even counts as a planet any longer?? I picture it as a lonely sad beanie and I dont like it

What is your religion, if any? none

Have you ever got so drunk, that you did something really embarrassing, and if so, what did you do? I threw up in front of my crush but it was dark and he didnt see it, he didnt even like me back then lol

Mike, Dustin, Lucas, or Will? IM SORRY BUT MIKE I LOVE MY EMO SON

Do you like Marina and the Diamonds? Yesss!!! Immortal, can’t pin me down, forget and pretty much every other song from her

Charli XCX? Yeah, boom clap is my fav

Tag a blog that you’ve seen, and you love their posts, but have never told them, and would like to talk to them. @elevenknope tbh

Pick one thing you like/love from the 80s. The clothes as portrayed in stranger things and the music!

What year were you born, and name something cool from that year. 1996 and i honestly dont know

What was your blog name originally? (If you had another blog name) I cant even remember tbh it was probably sth stupid

Do you follow any blogs that you know the user in real life? Yes, my boyfriend

If you are in the ST fandom, which is your favourite song off the ST soundtrack? Toto - Africa. The bestttt

Finally, give your opinion on the person who tagged you! ✨ A sweetheart, we have similar preferences when it comes to brands lmao and I cant wait to read her fanfic!!!

I tag: @strangerthingsediting, @miliebobbybrown, @upsidesdown, @eggogorgon, @eggosthings, @dadharbour, @elevenknope and @m11kee

#atimeofwhichwehavenoknowledge #strangerthingsediting #miliebobbybrown #upsidesdown #eggogorgon #eggosthings #dadharbour #elevenknope #m11kee #r

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tinyryder · 7 years

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I was tagged by @eggosthings thank you so much!!!

Okay so answer the questions and then tag 8 people!

What made you sign up to Tumblr? Honestly, I signed up to follow @f0ryoukidx bc she had a really awesome band blog and I found lots of friends so I stayed.

What did your blog start off as being? Band stuff and personal stuff

Have you ever received any creepy asks, and if so, what did they say? Right after I came out, someone sent me an anon saying that I was going the wrong way about exploring my sexuality and just quoting all these textbook things.

Have you ever had a bad experience on tumblr? Pornbots are terrible and there’s just so much normal porn/nudity and gross sexual text posts

If you had to pick a favourite English monarch, who would you pick? I don’t know any of them

Do you prefer hot or cold? In terms of weather, definitely cold

Do you have a special skill or talent? Does writing count?

Do you have a phobia of anything? Birds/anything that flies erratically, plane crashes/shipwrecks, natural disasters

If you had to pick a favourite real life villain from history, who would you pick? Abigail Williams, my witch bitch

Do you have any dark traits? I can cut people out of my life really easily, but I try to resist it and go to great lengths to not have to do that

If you could do anything, literally anything, like fly on a unicorn or something, what would it be? I don’t want superpowers or anything I just want to meet Winona and have her like me

What is the scale of the worst argument you’ve ever had? Let’s not

What is your favourite slush flavour? Big Gulp (lol Heathers reference)

If you could bring back any food or drink from your childhood that has been discontinued, what would it be? Ritz Bitz S'Mores

What is your favourite and most vivid childhood memory? I don’t know

If you could bring anyone back from the dead who would it be? This girl, Isabela, a friend of my family who died in a car crash when her and I were both 14.

If you could visit any abandoned place to take pictures, where would it be? I don’t know

Do you have any particular, peculiar interests? Does my Winona obsession count?

Do you have a creepy/scary experience that has happened to you, and what was it? Yup. Some kind of spirit/demon scratched the word “hell” into my leg one night.

Do you like/read creepypasta stories? If so, what’s your favourite story? I love the ones where they go to abandoned places and explore and weird shit happens, like this one http://sixpenceee.com/post/131972755289/mayhem-mountain-by-thedalekemperor-estimated

If you were in the Wars of the Roses, would you be a Lancastrian, or a Yorkist? I don’t know what that is

What is your recurring nightmare? Usually that my phone breaks or something. Also in a lot of my nightmares I’m unable to speak

Have you ever had a lucid dream? No

If you could go to another planet, which would it be? Mercury so I can burn to death like immediately

What is your religion, if any? Agnostic

Have you ever got so drunk, that you did something really embarrassing, and if so, what did you do? The first time I got drunk, I threw up next to Alyssa’s car and her and Alex never let me forget about it

Mike, Dustin, Lucas, or Will? Dustin!

Do you like Marina and the Diamonds? I know exactly one song and it’s my jam

Charli XCX? What?

Tag a blog that you’ve seen, and you love their posts, but have never told them, and would like to talk to them. Tbh when I like a blog, I usually tell them so I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t know I love them lmao

Pick one thing you like/love from the 80s. Labyrinth.

What year were you born, and name something cool from that year. 1995. The full length motion picture How to Make an American Quilt starring Winona Ryder

What was your blog name originally? (If you had another blog name) suphayley oh god so cringey. To be fair, I didn’t know that when I made a Tumblr, my URL would be my identifier

Do you follow any blogs that you know the user in real life? Most of my friends from college follow me and a few friends from high school.

If you are in the ST fandom, which is your favourite song off the ST soundtrack? Elegia by New Order or Atmosphere by Joy Division. Also the score is amazing.

Finally, give your opinion on the person who tagged you! @eggosthings is amazing and I love that we’re both ace so we can bond over that.

I tag @free-winona @givemestrenghtnot2talkboutwinona @antisocial-wings @antniobanderas @finnxwheeler and anyone else who wants to do this!

#text #tag games

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resonatingvibe · 7 years

Audio

Colorado’s A Shoreline Dream Offer Their Ever-Evolving New Single ‘Room For The Others’

This music has everything a shoegaze dream should include. It's hazy, vivid and surreal. Even the video fits that description, featuring layers of the band, dream sequences and textures. This is a listening MUST for anyone really into bands like Public Service Broadcasting, British Sea Power, Engineers, Ride, Placebo, North Atlantic Oscillation.

The video features a somewhat distorted and dream-like vision of the current state of self expression. Featuring Denver's live performance duo Scissor Sweethearts, the video is somewhat of a sequel to ASD's 2016 video 'Revolvist', in that it takes both Serana and Siara past their performance element and on the streets. As the sweethearts prepare and leave their domain feeling confident in themselves, we see how the public reacts to even the slightest "out of the ordinary look" in an increasingly more stereotype driven society.

While the original wave of shoegazers chose textures and otherworldliness over conventional clarity and 90’s post-rockers opted for progressive and fluid structures rather than traditional form, AShoreline Dream are the keepers of both of those flames. Delivering aheady cocktail of dream-pop, shoegaze, neo-psychedelia, goth and progressive rock, the new single also brings a gothic undertone set against a pulsing, energetic rhythm and is, on the whole, more in keeping with northern European atmosphere than the warm sidewalks of Denver’s suburbs.

A Shoreline Dream is Ryan Policky on vocals, guitar, keys, bass and programming and Erik Jeffries on guitar. Originating from Barnum, Colorado, their music is often referred to as “progressive shoegaze,” indicating their blending of lush sampled textures, organic instrumentation and vocals layered like a synth. But it is the studio’s final treatment of the song that is the real joy, affecting a cavernous production style, and haunting and ethereal resonance in keeping with the semi-lucid and sonorous nature of this music.

Recently marking 10 years since releasing their debut album, in that time, A Shoreline Dream has churned out numerous acclaimed releases under their own label (Latenight Weeknight Records), working with legends such as Ulrich Schnauss, Mark Kramer and The Engineers (for whom they remixed a song for progressive label gods K-Scope). They also opened for Chapterhouse for their very final appearance. “Room for the Others” by A Shoreline Dream is available on iTunes and the group's Bandcamp.

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theacidjazzguitarist · 7 years

Video

youtube

What Dreams May Come All of my life I've been a dreamer. As far back as I can remember, there were recurring dreams of a fantastic nature. Some were wonderful delights of adventure and others were nightmares involving sensations I would much later in life (a few years ago to be exact) come to learn were the symptoms of sleep paralysis. There were dreams where I had superpowers, intergalactic adventures that seemed to span decades and when I awoke only a few hours had passed. Emotional dreams where upon awakening I would be almost in a state of deep depression and the content of that dream would lay heavily on my mind throughout the day. And then there were the periodical dreams of lucidity, where I would be fully aware inside the dream that I was dreaming. Those were(are) the best, most insane, hyperrealistic, fantastic adventures ever. As a child I thought everyone dreamed like this. I thought everyone dreamed. I was taken aback when talking to people who would say that they didn't remember their dreams or that they didn't have them. I have a deep swell of pity for those people but it gave me an even greater appreciation for my night excursions into what I would later learn to be the astral realms. I have dream memories from childhood that are with me to this day as real and as vivid as anything I can remember from my waking state. Oh...let's not forget the dreams of loved ones who are deceased. THese dreams are extremely powerful, symbolic and usually contain messages for you to decode. I call them visits, and the wonderful thing about visits is that it's not always family members that visit. Back in the mid 90's I was getting heavily into studying spirituality and occult practices such as numerology, astrology, etc. During this time I remember finding a book on astral travel. It gave techniques on having what is commonly referred to as OBE's or Out Of Body Experiences. Shortly thereafter I had my first OBE or the first one that I remember. All I can say is mindblowing. I immediately got up and tried my best to describe the "indescribable but more real than reality" experience I just woke up from (more on this later). It was at this time that life began to throw some serious curve balls my way. Over the next 20 years I walked away from a major label recording contract (sometimes your lifelong dreams can turn out to be nightmares), the internet came into existence, I studied computer graphics and found work as a typesetter/designer, my father was diagnosed with early onset dementia which led to alzheimers, and I moved back home from Atlanta to Savannah to help my mother take care of him. I found an outlet for the music via the internet and the dreams continued. In 2016 I delved back into the study of metaphysics and the occult and by the time 2017 came around I had decided to begin seriously practicing chaos magick. Over the years I had dabbled with sigils and studied different practices but never actually committed to doing that spiritual work on a consistent basis. So in essence I read about magick, believed in it, saw examples of it at work in my life at different times but didn't actually practice it. And then I dove in head first, starting with sigils and then creating entities or servitors as some would call them, moving to ancestor worship and altar work and pouring libations, etc. Damn near everything I tried seemed to work. I would get results from unexpected situations but the synchronicites and manifestations were/are amazing. And the dreams became even more fantastic and vivid. So here on Google+ is where I'll chronicle and try to describe some of these experiences and dreams. Also my experience with the dream enhancing herb Mugwort, which I feel helps with retaining the memories of OBE's and lucid dreams. Itunes: - https://itunes.apple.com/album/id986854561 Spotify - http://bit.ly/20UnrwE Bandcamp - http://bit.ly/1Nx6gEU Amazon - http://amzn.to/1QfRbsB Google Play - http://bit.ly/1I7kbns YouTube: - http://www.youtube.com/acidjazzguitarist Soundcloud: - https://soundcloud.com/acid-jazz-guitarist ReverbNation: - http://www.reverbnation.com/acidjazzguitarist Emusic - http://bit.ly/1QfG3Cd Muzoic - http://bit.ly/1ThocKd Twitter: - https://twitter.com/acidjazzguitar

#lucid dreaming #magick #sigils #astral projection #obe #lucidity

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thekeenear · 7 years

Text

Hopeful Shoegaze: A Shoreline Dream 'Room For The Others'

Colorado’s A Shoreline Dream have revealed their new single ‘Room For The Others’ - the fourth track from their ever-evolving new album, with each being released digitally as stand-alone singles, one at a time.

"Given the nature of all the amazingly overwhelming things going on these days politically, socially, etc., this track became a personal reflection on it all. Both the good and the bad. The love and the sadness," says Ryan Policky. "I found myself feeling emotions from all sides of the spectrum, and room for the others is just that... a spectrum of emotions. This song goes out to those who may have ever felt just a little bit of place... who just wanted to stand in line with the rest." While the original wave of shoegazers chose textures and otherworldliness over conventional clarity and 90’s post-rockers opted for progressive and fluid structures rather than traditional form, A Shoreline Dream are the keepers of both of those flames. Delivering a heady cocktail of dream-pop, shoegaze, neo-psychedelia, goth and progressive rock, the new single also brings a gothic undertone set against a pulsing, energetic rhythm and is, on the whole, more in keeping with northern European atmosphere than the warm sidewalks of Denver’s suburbs. A Shoreline Dream is Ryan Policky on vocals, guitar, keys, bass and programming and Erik Jeffries on guitar.

Originating from Barnum, Colorado, their music is often referred to as “progressive shoegaze,” indicating their blending of lush sampled textures, organic instrumentation and vocals layered like a synth. But it is the studio’s final treatment of the song that is the real joy, affecting a cavernous production style, and haunting and ethereal resonance in keeping with the semi-lucid and sonorous nature of this music. Recently marking 10 years since releasing their debut album, in that time, A Shoreline Dream has churned out numerous acclaimed releases under their own label (Latenight Weeknight Records), working with legends such as Ulrich Schnauss, Mark Kramer and The Engineers (for whom they remixed a song for progressive label gods K-Scope). They also opened for Chapterhouse for their very final appearance. “Room for the Others” by A Shoreline Dream is available on iTunes and the group's Bandcamp.

LYRICS

fear the life that you recondition In time it all will seem miles away the time you've seen in me makes no difference a change will make them all fade again you'll break your heart and mend your soul there's no room for the others they'll take your heart and not let go there's no room for the others the time you've seen in me makes no difference (x2)

you'll break your heart and mend your soul there's no room for the others they'll take your heart and not let go there's no room for the others

Find And Support A Shoreline Dream

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