#A lot of dying going around

[slimey-wallz]

*sigh* here you go

Lemme just-

[inkskinned]

"the strike is gonna kill my favorite shows" babe okay if you don't want to think about the human livelihoods at stake (you should really be thinking about the humans though) like. think about what happens after this. when writing pays you enough to eat; more people get to be writers. more stories. more interesting plots and ideas. think about what gets made when artists aren't starving.

you've been complaining for years that tv is going downhill. part of that is because the writers aren't paid enough - a screenwriter needs to be able to live with a very low paycheck while being virtually anonymous, so as a profession it self-selects for a very slim number of people. part of bad writing is burnout and the absolutely criminal amount of influence corporations have over scripts. writing is actually a craft, despite what people who love chatGPT will tell you - and, as a craft; it takes time, diligence, and support.

and yes, i understand. you have a connection to a piece of media, which is what writers want. but we regret to inform you that your blorbo is as real as the image in the mirror - is your reflection actually you? can the reflection ever show anything but the truth? as writers, our work is the reflection. you can't keep throwing our bodies under buses and then being shocked that our work is bitter, 2d, "needs revision". imagine what gets made when the artist is inspired and has the time, space, energy, and fucking budget to actually make what makes them happy.

i love you so much. but also, really - and for real - before anything else, please remember it's human livelihoods at stake.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

come get yer Laughin'stock! get it hot off the press! free Laughin'stock right here!

[mickedy]

in the mood for something spooky

i was thinking, the other night, "what if mickey made the blot because he was trying to create a replica of himself?" and it brought a lot more things together than i expected

i dont think the blot is truly evil, just an unfinished toon with a hunger for a Heart and universal adoration. but there is some baggage in that, from creator to creation.

[moeblob]

Tiny one is a deity of lightning and she just wants to run around with the mortals and have fun but having a physical body takes a toll on her. So she has these two devoted followers she can communicate with and they can let her have control of their body which is easier on her (not them).

White haired woman is very strong while black haired man is skilled in magic. So if the deity is feeling really pent up she uses his body to discharge.

[mayasaura]

ntn spoilers ahead

Question!

I appreciate that you champion Harrow's schizophrenia, and I had a thought that I'd like to run by you. It's intended with full respect for anyone with the disorder, and is also related to the neuro-bio-psych elements.

When Nona, Cam, and Crown are visiting the Captain, Nona hears Varun speak through the Captain. Afterward, she references the incident and realizes that neither Cam nor Crown had heard this happen. I was confused *how* Nona-lecto had that sort of experience, but...

If Nona-lecto is in Harrow's body, is it possible that she's experiencing schizophrenia symptoms? I'm not wanting to imply that it's a full hallucination, though perhaps since Harrow's 'meat' is schizophrenic meat, there are effects. Would mental health/illness be tied to the soul? Personality certainly seems to be, and some forms of memory.

Just rolling this around in my head a bit, and have no thoughts more advanced than this. Thank you for all your theorizing and writings about the books 💀 - heedee

I've been wondering how or if Harrow's schizophrenia effected Nona since the cover first dropped, and literally speaking, the way you're wondering about? I'm still not really sure. Brain stuff is complicated, even before souls are part of the equation, and everything about Nona is already so goddamn weird. I do think Nona is thematically schizophrenic, the same way she's thematically intellectually disabled.

Like the scene you're talking about here:

I think you're absolutely onto something, seeing this as related to psychosis. Reading this scene with that framing in mind, Nona's experience is so clearly about hallucinations. She was just trying to change the subject, and fuck. Turns out no one else heard that! Camilla and Crown's reactions, too.

But to your point about neurobiology, and the relationship between soul and body, it doesn't really tell us much. Nona wasn't hallucinating, because it turned out Judith wasn't just screaming. Varun was speaking to Nona through Judith in the language of a murdered planet, a language that sounds like screaming to human ears. Like Nona's uncanny knack for human languages, that's a product of her soul, not her brain.

We get proof of that later when Nona is pretending to be Harrow, and faking being effected by the blue light. She imitates the way Judith screamed, makes her mouth make the same shapes Judith's did, and her words come out in italics; just like Judith's words that Camilla and Crown heard as screams. She calls for help, in the screaming language she'd heard from Judith, with Judith in the room to hear her, and Varun answers by attacking the planet.

To your question about whether schizophrenia would be connected to the soul or to the body in setting, I don't think there's a dichotomy there. Body and soul aren't separate things, even when they're separated.

Lyctorhood, for example. You'd think muscle memory would be a clear cut case of living in the body. It's muscles. But when Ianthe chowed down on Naberius' soul, she got his reflexes with it. His swordsmanship, his stance, his training. The soul brought the body with it. And when Harrow literally cut Gideon out of her brain, it removed Gideon from her memory even when her soul was elsewhere. She spent half that book in the River, but didn't remember Gideon until her skull construct failed and her brain began to heal. So I would say that, just like memory, it's both. Harrow's schizophrenia is tied to both her soul and body, and there's not really much point in trying to separate the two.

[simptasia]

my mum died last night

[pushing500]

Starting today off by introducing our 21st colonist, Henry!! Woo! How exciting- and annoying. My colonist bar had to break into two rows on top of each other to handle so many pawns! it won't be a problem for long, don't worry

Henry is a little boy who is of the 'Hussar' xenotype, which just means he's a genetically engineered super-soldier who will apparently develop a dependency on Go-Juice later in life. Hooray for him. He has a wooden foot and lil' bandaids on his face, which makes me think this kid has seen some fights way too grown-up for him. Fortunately, the colonists at Eureka don't believe in sending children into combat, so Henry is free to spend his days learning and having fun.

The first thing Henry did (after putting on a new shirt) was go hang out with Irwin in the school building to learn about melee. For what it's worth, Henry is already the third-best melee fighter in the colony, at the same level as Kawoo, and only beaten by Irwin at level 14 and Connie at level 11.

I think he is going to get along swimmingly with Irwin.

Then we had a drop-pod raid, which I did not think was going to be a problem because there didn't seem to be that many Saurid raiders... But, alas...

I guess someone named "Executioner" would ruin my day, huh?

The problem with drawing the adventures of these colonists is that I get way too attached to them. So, uh... I wrote eulogies. Sorry. They're under here if you feel like reading 'em.

Wendy Marsengill

Wendy Marsengill was killed on the 13th of Decembary, at the age of 27. She is survived by her wife of 1.5 years, Tamarind, by a vast and eccentric family, including her Aunt Kawoo and cousin Andy, and by many friends in the settlement of Eureka and beyond.

Wendy had a fascinating start to her life when she was recruited as a Child Spy. She went on to become a Barber in her adulthood, though, at some point, she ended up on a distant Rimworld and was lost to madness as a Wild Woman. She wandered in this state for some time before joining the Animist Alliance, where she met and eventually married her wife Tamarind.

Wendy was the best cook in the settlement and often was single-handedly responsible for keeping the colony fed with properly cooked food, and nobody ever got food poisoning while Wendy was manning the kitchen.

Some of Wendy's greatest moments include wearing a jester's hat to her own wedding and somehow managing to cement herself as the most Australian colonist in my head based on a single social interaction way-back-when.

Pearl the Cheetah

Pearl was the first animal to join the ranks of Eureka's ever-growing menagerie, not including Rogan the rottweiler who crash-landed with Albina, Brennan, and Irwin.

Pearl landed near our burgeoning settlement in an animal drop-pod, where she was rescued and nursed back to health by Head Researcher Brennan. Pearl decided to stay with us and spent a very long time sleeping on an animal sleeping spot on the rough marble floor of Irwin's ascetic bedroom (sorry, Pearl. You deserved better).

Once Andrei McCarthy joined the colony, it was love at first sight, and he bonded with Pearl almost immediately. She was eventually given a proper animal bed in the room Andrei shared with his wife, Kawoo and their infant son Andy, before Andy moved to his own room.

Pearl was brave, beautiful and very fast, as cheetahs often are. It is a tragedy that I can't draw animals as well as I would like to, or she would have featured far more prominently in all these posts. I'll miss her. She made silly noises when I zoomed in on her sometimes. It's going to be quiet without her.

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[shibaraki]

it is easy to get stuck on numbers and engagement and what trope / rating gets more attention or kudos than another but ultimately you should write for the audience you want. it’s far more rewarding that way

[presiding]

formerly an essay in tags but - billie lurk. half-nameless, misremembered woman. her powers derived from the things taken from her, without any catharsis or empowerment. the rat charm, tied with deidre's hair, her lover's voice in the mouth of rats. her arm and eye, taken, given back only to cause her chronic pain, then lost again. foresight seems a cruel gift for a woman who botched the timing of her takeover of the whalers, and bet wrong when it came to delilah.

she never bore the outsider's blessing; his first visit to her was more like an assault. every other dishonored POV character gets the choice to be selfish, and for that selfishness to mean something, but billie's actions have no effect on the world at large, either, in a game without a chaos system.

some say that corvo is the ghost, but he can reach out and change things. billie's buried herself twice and come back and nothing she does seems to matter - she is less a protagonist, more a convenient full stop in the narrative.

try this: open doto, start a new game. sit in her cabin. notice how little of billie there is. even the woman she loved more than anyone has the face of another named character.

she sits amongst the assets of other games: empty canvases and a dressmaker's mannequin that wears nothing.

[holdoncallfailed]

for some reason it just occurred to me to draw a somewhat tenuous parallel between lou reed/john cale and tom verlaine/richard hell in the sense that both cale and hell were forced out of their respective bands by their primary creative partner/best friend who then went on to become extremely lauded to the point that these two guys were both rendered as footnotes in the first chapters of reed's and verlaine's illustrious careers. so they were left behind then and then once again because reed and verlaine both died while cale and hell are still alive. to outlive the person who cast you out but who was nevertheless the foundation for everything in your life that came after...how do you live with that...well anyway i thought about it and now my night and possibly the rest of my week is ruined

[softquietsteadylove]

If you have the muse for it, could we maybe get a circus au or life interrupted update? Missing those two lately! Thank you!!! 😘

"Gil?...Gil!"

"Huh?" he turned, ruffling his hair with his free hand. "Uh, s-sorry, what were you saying?"

But his friend just frowned, "you sure you're okay? I know you're a doc to the animals, but are you really qualified to diagnose yourself?"

Gil subconsciously shifted his arm in his sling. He was no expert, but he did know how to reset a shoulder. Granted, it was because of getting into fights in his school days, but still. "Yeah, it'll be fine, really."

He shrugged, picking up some of the coiled ropes, "y'know you can take it easy if you want. We can finish setting things up for tonight."

Gil nodded, looking around them. Technically, all he did was light stuff to help out here and there. He wasn't really a regular crewman. But he had hung around all morning on the excuse of checking on the animals and helping out wherever his one good hand could help. "You, uh, seen Thena yet?"

He heard a few quiet chuckles and blushed; everyone knew why he was hanging around. He was eagerly and desperately trying to get even a glimpse of Thena. He hadn't seen her since the night she had admonished Kro - and her beast of a husband had dragged her away by the arm - and he was going nuts.

Of course, no one else knew that she had kissed him, either.

He was lying awake at night! And part of it was the pain, but another part was thinking about how she had leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't just a mistake of a peck, either, it was a real kiss. He could feel how she meant it, no matter what that really meant for them. She was a married woman, and married to the man who was both their boss, in a way.

"No one's seen her," another crewman shrugged. "Assumed boss had given her some time, I guess."

It was a reasonable guess. She had suffered quite a scare, after all. But her husband was not a reasonable man, and Gil was confident in guessing that Kro would sooner put on her costume himself than give her a day of rehearsal off without injury.

Gil picked himself up and tugged at one of his suspenders. "Thanks guys, I'll grab some lunch I guess."

They sent him off with well wishes. He wasn't in any shape to do any of the usual heavy lifting he could be asked for anyway. But rather than go in search of the group lunch being cooked behind the main tents, he slipped away towards the train.

He hadn't seen Thena in two whole days. She had once said that Kro would never really hurt her, but that was the only time when Gil wasn't really inclined to have confidence in what she said. He didn't trust anything about Kro. And he was really trying not to let the kiss influence that thinking in him, either.

He couldn't let it. She was a married woman. Whether she had kissed him or not, it wasn't his place. And he was concerned about her regardless. This wasn't about him and his feelings, it was about making sure she was okay.

"Thena?" he whispered, sticking his head out and between cars and looking around like a common cat burglar. He crept around, picking his boots up lightly.

Maybe Kro had her chained up like a ruffian. Not that he really thought he would, but he wouldn't be as surprised as he would like to be by something so barbaric.

"Thena!" he whispered again, slowly making his way to their shared sleeper car. If he was found, Kro would probably feed him to the lions. But he had to know.

Once at their sleeper car, he checked around him one more time. He knew Kro was in the main tent, snapping his cane against the ring and shouting up a storm. No one had been able to ask how Thena was without getting a real earful.

Gil knocked on the door with his good hand, pressing his ear close, "Thena, are you in there?"

"Gil?"

She didn't sound hurt, or teary or anything. He gulped, "can...are you hurt? Can I see you?"

"I'm fine Gil, you can come in."

Part of him still imagined a nightmare in which he would walk in and find her on the floor, sitting crumpled like a bird fallen from the sky. But Thena was no fallen angel. He closed the door behind him as he saw her seated at the little table barely big enough for a single plate.

He had never seen her in a normal dress, but the soft, creamy fabric looked just like her hair.

"I'm sorry I worried you," she professed immediately, still sitting primly at the table. "Kro told me I wasn't to leave for the next two days. People should think I'm in recovery."

Which was very different from actually wanting her to recover from her fall, but it would make people think of the monster more favourably.

"Have you eaten anything?" he asked, still almost whispering as he dared to come a little closer. "Are you resting?"

She smiled at him, like having not seen him for days was completely normal and expected. "I'm resting fine. Kro has been bringing me food twice a day."

So, she was missing a meal, Gil surmised. He frowned, but that was the least of his worries. "Why won't he let you out?"

Thena's expression finally cracked, and he saw her eyes drift to his shoulder. "He asked if there was anything...with you."

The words she didn't say weighed a lot more than the ones she did, and Gil found himself flustered again. He had always known what his feelings for Thena meant. But he had thought it was a harmless crush on his unattainable and lovely boss' wife. The implication that she cared for him too...it was enough to have his stethoscope picking up his own heartbeat from ten paces.

"I assured him there wasn't," she looked down at the little table, tucking some hair behind her ear. "He said then there should be no reason I should want to leave."

There should be no reason for her to ask to see him--that was the threat that had kept her in here. If she asked to see him, or probably even ran into him accidentally, Kro would have grounds to suspicions. And Gil wasn't sure which one of them would face worse consequences for them.

Gil looked around the sleeper car. It was larger than the others, of course, or maybe it was just arranged neater. It had a small but proper bed, rather than just a cot and some hay. The little table, there was a trunk that probably held their collective things. There was even a little radio on top of it, as well as an oil lamp.

"It's not a prison."

He didn't feel comforted by that. She was unharmed, sure, in a physical sense. But sometimes animals could seem fine, then they'd give out the next day of a broken heart or some such. He moved even closer, even kneeling down to face her better (he wouldn't dare move the chair across from hers). "Birds get real down if they're in cages too much."

She laughed a little at the insinuation.

"Really," he whispered. Without him telling it to, his free hand drifted up to hers, feeling the softness of her pretty linen dress. "They're meant to be free. Clipping their wings...it seems harmless, but it really hurts them, even just a little bit, everyday."

Thena tilted her head at him, her hair slipping over her shoulder. She was so beautiful, and far too delicate for a cage like this.

Gil sighed as she brought his hand from resting over hers on her lap to her lips. In another life, he could imagine this would be a beautiful moment.

It was brief, but for just a split second, her lip wobbled. She whispered, "I wish I had met you a lifetime ago."

Gil's heart broke inside his chest. It fractured, just like his stupid shoulder. Oh, to have met her a lifetime ago. To have met her as a student, to have scraped and scrimped for pennies so he could buy her flowers and take her on swan boats on the lake. To have swooned over her everyday until he could kneel just like this and hold up an embarrassingly modest ring and ask for another lifetime.

He wasn't sure when it happened, but he rose from his knee, tilting her head with his palm and kissing her as if she weren't married. As if they had this lifetime to get it right. Which wasn't true, but it wouldn't be something he would regret, either.

Thena sighed against his lips, her hand moving to his hair. She kissed like she hadn't drank in days and he was an ice cold lemonade. "I wish I could love you."

He loved her anyway, wishes be damned. "Thena-"

She pressed her fingers to his lips, breaking the spell around them and forcing him a precious few inches away. "He'll be back soon. If he catches you in here-"

He gripped her shoulder, "I won't let him hurt you, Thena. Never-"

She grasped his hand between hers, "I am not worried about what he will do to me."

So, Kro had threatened him to get her to comply with his sick delusions of ownership. And Gil hated to admit it, but in his current state, he wasn't so sure he would in a fight against the ring leader.

His heart groaned in his chest, begging not to be separated from her. He made a face, "I can't just leave you like this."

She looked him square in the eyes, and the frosty, fiery acrobat he knew - and loved - was back. "You can, and you will--for both our sake."

She was right, he would because it would be best for her, if not both of them. But he didn't have to like it. He gave her hand another squeeze, even as he picked up his feet again. "When will he let you out of here?"

"I don't know," she whispered back, their hands dragging apart like lines of a frayed rope snapping string by string. "Until he's satisfied he has nothing to fear from you."

Kro had everything to fear from him, and as soon as his shoulder was better, Gil would see to it, too.

"I'll try and find you when he does."

He turned back to her, his hand on the car door. "Don't do anything risky. If he tries anything-"

Their eyes both shot to the side. It wasn't dangerously close yet, but it was definitely Kro's voice drawing nearer. Thena eyed him, begging him to leave before their lives were changed irreparably.

Gil nodded, dragging himself out and closing the door as quietly as possible. He held his arm as he slipped away, the muscles screaming at him like a storm was on the horizon. He stopped on the other side of the car.

"Well?"

"What?" Thena's softer voice came, but Gil was relieved to hear her usual sharpness in the demand.

"Usually you're begging to know how your little boyfriend is doing!" Kro barked at her. Gil heard the rattle of a container being tossed down, perhaps one of Thena's meals for the day.

"You told me to stop bringing him up," she fired right back at him. There was a pause before she added, "dearest."

Gil felt his gut clench. He had seen Kro use that term of endearment for her, and it never failed to make her squeamish.

"Very well then," Kro snarled back at her, "darling."

Gil waited a little more, but that seemed the end of it. And he had no choice but to leave it at that, at least for now. He dragged himself away, feeling just a little bit of a coward for it, too. His shoulder was aching again.

"Hey, Gil, you get some yet?"

It was lunch time. He eyed the pot of stew. Maybe that would be just the thing. "Say, will you do something for me?"

He was heard out as he explained that he was worried about Thena--heard she was on bed rest and all. It didn't come from him, but maybe - just if there were leftovers after everyone had their share - if someone could ask the boss nice and casual if Miss Thena would like it...?

Again, everyone saw right through him. But Thena was not her husband, and the crew agreed readily that they would ask in a very normal and friendly way if Miss Thena wanted any of their extra portions for the day. The lady needed her strength and all.

And Gil needed his too. The quicker his shoulder healed, the faster Thena could stop worrying about him, and the faster he could confront Kro about the treatment of his wife.

[stinkrascal]

good morning my friends the people in my phone. things were crazy for a while but theyre no longer crazy yayyyyyy we are so back

me waking up bright and early at 11:30am

[rabbit-rays]

image id: a digital drawing of murderbot from the murderbot diaries, standing against a grey background and visualized as older than in canon. it has long hair pulled back into a ponytail and shaved at the sides, and is wearing an outfit with a light blue jacket, a patterned button up worn open, a light purple shirt, and a yellow floral skirt with a belt and a fanny pack, as well as heavy black boots. it's standing with one hand in it's pocket and is smiling slightly. around it's neck is a green lanyard with an id card on it. end id.

murderbot +20ish years. its currently a docent at the preservation ship musuem..............

[i-bring-crack]

Okay but here's to more fun ideas about Esil being brought to the human world, Jinwoo putting all the backpacks on his inventory because no, he doesn't have THAT much room and like 90% of the things she has won't be useful here or would be a waste of space.

He has enough money to afford a room for her, and luckily it is right next to Jin-ho's! So Jinho and Esil are now neighbors! Jinwoo now has two adults (sister and brother but he won't sayyyy ittt) to take care of so he tells them to get a job.

Never having experience with costumer service before or any kind of social working job they think is going to be very easy to work at MC Donalds. Shenanigans ensue.

Or maybe a post rewind where Jinwoo is working as a batista, Esil wants to get acquaintances with the only royal (not of her blood) there is so that she can help mend deals in the Cracks between dimensions and Jinho needs a job quickly because his father has kicked him out of the house and took all his inheritance.

Because this AU is wildly out of control, Jinah and Songi are professional gamers who go to Jinwoo's working place because he has the best wifi and makes the most delicious cake couples with his high energy drinks that are just *chefs kiss* perfect!

Haein and Jinchul are the usual costumers. Haein always loves his ice creams with tea and some appetizers. She tries to sometimes buy her way out of training by asking for the best cappuccino for his manager Jongin.

And Jinchul always comes peak 6 AM, 1 PM and 11 PM at all times exactly at that hour. It took a few tries for Jinwoo and him to strike up a conversation. And Jinwoo who knows pretty well just how horrible his job is based on his face, his dark complexion, his uninterest in talking and somber mood (and totally not because his shadows keep telling him about this hardworking detective out to hunt his criminal activity.) He tends to take pity on the guy and make the most relaxing and soothing coffees for him. Heck he even throws in a few foods (like salads and some of Heejin's restaurants wonders) for him. You know, just because.

Heejin and Jinwoo sometimes share meals because one time they went ice skating together when they were young and had accidentally wandered into a dangerous place with bears. Of course Jinwoo helped her out and they didn't Meer again until years later when Jinwoo started to work as a barista next to the White Tiguer Restaurant! What a coincidence it's also where she works! So of course she often gave him some spicy kimchy and they became good friends afterwards. (Heejin doesn't know Jinwoo is horrible at handling spicy foods so he gives it the unbeatable wall that is Jinchul or sometimes Haein, both their spicy tolerance are as high as Jinwoo's alcohol tolerance. When she isnt playing LOL, Jinah is very much researching what is wrong in everyone's stomachs)

Juhee is a medicine student who also needed the job at the Ahjin Coffee shop, and she got accepted pretty easily, the manager's standards aren't that hard in the first place. You just need to say yes to the last question when he says "can you look into the eyes of death and face adversity against all odds? Or do you know how to make coffee?"

Juhee is the second oldest worker here, Jinwoo is the first, Esil and Jinho are the youngest. Mr Ashborn the manager (No one questions why he has such a weird name he is probably a foreigner) has had quite a lot of people looking for this job but for some reason they don't stay for more than 3 days. Huh. She never encountered a problem with being here, maybe they just weren't cut out for this. Jinwoo agrees.

Well she doesn't mind it!

Juhee also has some friends which come to the coffee shop a lot to buy her exquisite teas and famous lemon pies. (She is always glad to point it out that Jinwoo taught her those!) Like Min Byung Gyu, who is secretly a famous world renowned surgeon, and Lim Tae Gyu who's also a professional archer and tennis player. ( she guesses the latter came from Haein's recomendation tho) and Eunseok who is... actually just a normal psychology student. Huh. Somehow he got a lot more big shots as friends as well, Michelin and mysterious chef Baek Yoonho and even Famous 7 year unchallenged judoka master Ma Dong Wook.

Juhee finds it hard to believe all those titles are real tho. They seem so stupid sometimes.

Anyways Jinwoo often takes the night shifts alone because Juhee has to go and study. Jinah and songi as well have to leave. Esil needs to go to her real world, Jinho needs to sleep after dealing with too many karens. Past 11 PM the last one he meets is always Jinchul who one day strikes up a joke saying its weird how no one has ever seen him leave the job. Jinwoo just smiles and cleans his cup. And when the last person walk out that door, the ghost come to life.

The coffee shop of the living is now closed, and so Ahjin's coffee shop of the underworld is opened to those poor souls whose death had come through a brutal means and need a cup of vengeance.

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH