#A real man can't stand seeing his woman hurt. He's careful with his decisions and actions

[alamgirdewanakashdac]

A real man can't stand seeing his woman hurt. He's careful with his decisions and actions, so he never has to be responsible for her painALAMGIR DEWAN AKASH AKASH DEWAN DEWAN ALAMGIR DEWAN AKASH আলমগীর দেওয়ান আকাশ আকাশ দেওয়ান দেওয়ান আলমগীর দেওয়ান আকাশ

[deonsx]

Dazai Nsfw Alphabet

Not: In this article, I can say that we will write about the night life of dazai, of course, based on the reader

Content: Smut Nsfw

After Care (How do they treat you? after intercourse)

He would kiss you, encourage you to take a shower together, and if you were unable to get up, he would pick you up and take you to the shower. tries to give you the best care

But the most popular thing is to order food after making love, watch a movie and eat by hugging each other

Body Part (Favorite part on your body/and his body)

dazai is never picky about your body but if he had to make a decision he would say "ass" he really likes smacking your ass

But if she asks you what is your favorite part of her, your answer is most likely Long fingers or neck because you like to leave her with bites and her fingers really can carry you to heaven beauties

Cum (We All Know)

Something white in color, with a sticky taste in the mouth, with a slightly dense sensation. Has an above average discharge, we can't say he doesn't like blowjob so he really likes cum in your mouth more and more each time

He says his favorite part is the hips but the place he likes to cum is your chest, if you let me the only place that matters most is inside

Dirty Fantasy

He likes to touch or make love in public, he usually prefers alleys and dark streets, of course, if you feel uncomfortable with it, he will forget it

secondly, his favorite thing to do is to videotape you so he can watch them when you're not around and use them as self-masturbation material. He had to delete his work documents because the photos and videos eventually filled his storage space

Experience (Do they have past experience?)

We all know he's a real casanova, he slept with many women in the past and left them all in the end, but to go through the details, he had experience with many women before you, I believe he gave a successful performance and will do his best to make you feel the best

After all the time he's slept with, he's learned a ton about female bodies and how to please them, he's used it all on you, and all new fantasies have been tried on you

Favorite Position

One of his favorite positions is cowgirl, a dominant position where he just grabs your hips and applies pressure, but if he likes a position after that, I'm sure it would be the one while he's staring at you and banging you

He likes to see the reaction on your face and hates when you shut his moans down if you keep muting them he'll most likely either pin both hands above your head with one hand or tie you up

Goofy (Are they more serious during the act?)

I think it depends on the mood of the two of you, of course it won't hurt you when he's angry, but if you make love at such a time, his serious facial expression will be very stable, he usually has fun making fun of you because he's the dominant side, but other than that, that serious facial expression that examines your expressions while fucking you. there are of course some exceptions may spoil the serious expression

If you hug him in the middle of a make out, kiss him and say sweet words to him, he might be a little more inclined to tease you. He likes to play with every inch of your body

Hair (How well groomed are they?)

He is a really lazy man, once a month or to be well-groomed, it may be once in 2 weeks, it is obvious that he is brown in color, but he takes care of being well-groomed for you

Intimacy (How romantic are they during the moment?)

He can get very romantic or make silly jokes about the experience he's really trying to give you, but he's always caring, never hurt you, kisses, sweet compliments, obscene things about your body, he doesn't hesitate to do it all

Jack off (How often do they do it?)

Almost never, maybe even after he started a relationship with you, he never needed a masturbation as long as you lived together because he already stands in front of his woman, but he does this with photographs he takes on very rare occasions

Kink (What kind of kinks and fetishes have they got?)

He likes to watch you get dressed or sometimes catch you satisfying yourself for him, of course one of the best things about satisfying yourself after catching is if you tell him "I want it hard" which is one of the phrases that gets him off the road he will fuck you, him will make sure you don't get hurt

Location (Where do they like to do it?)

If it's not really fun or quickie then this will be in your own home to be private for your privacy, Kitchen table likes you to lie on the coffee table and make love or in the shower or most comfortable in your own bedroom

NO (What things do they refuse to do?)

These are the things that will hurt you for sure and clearly, so for example, if you are trying to continue despite having pity for something while making love, she stops it as soon as she realizes it

Another thing is that any dildo toy I don't think you have such a ridiculous fantasy contrary to some opinions won't let a stupid plastic satisfy you while he's here

In some minds she finds the trio relationship ridiculous, only you and she can't even think of including someone else would find it stupid and disgusted

Oral (Do they prefer giving or receiving? How good are they?)

They prefer to receive it more. Considering that he is a really experienced man, he gets what he wants by making you squirm with pleasure in many ways, but he does not have a rejecting attitude about giving, on the contrary, he finds it very attractive if it is suitable for you

Pace (How quick do they go?)

Dazai's favorite speed is a slow and passionate lovemaking so he can make you live every moment unforgettable, the moans get louder when it goes slow giving him another reason to go like that, in a fast romantic ride everything is really loud, you two voices longing for reunion

Quickie (How often do they do quickies, and does he like them?)

Even though it was a little more at first, he doesn't want it at all after months and years anyway, with a woman like you, such simple things are not what he wants anymore, he thinks why would he resort to such a method when he can make you scream from night to morning

Risk (How far would they go?)

As it has been said before, he does not prefer and does not want toys, but he wants to try how long he can last on it as long as you does not hurt, for example, how many hours? how many rounds? How many times can you ejaculate?

I'm sure you've tried these more than once, it may go on until you dry it out and sometimes your pleadings may be useless

Stamina (How long can they last?)

Let's be frank about it, I don't think there's a stop button it might have to go really far for him to get tired, Hours of lovemaking can sometimes even require fainting but it doesn't seem that hard for him, 8-10 times each time I feel it will be long and slow

Toy (Do they are you using them?)

he doesn't look at them very well, maybe he tried it on you once, but no more, he thinks he can satisfy you better with his own dick than using them, don't underestimate his ego

Unfair (Do they tease you a lot?)

This is something that happens all the time, he may ask you to beg him but he will never give up he will make fun of you until he gets what he wants

Volume (How loud are they in the bedroom?)

Her grunts and groans when needed can be louder than you think and it reminds you that you both are really having fun, and no he has no mercy for his neighbors, you thinks dazai will keep quiet but he often he can be a groaning mess

X-ray (What do they look like below the waist?)

(I am writing in disbelief)

6 inches (15.2), close to 7 inches (17.7 in) when hardened, with little roughness and a healthy pink head

Yearning (How high is their libido?)

His libido is above average, if you really want him and tend to touch and caress him, or if it's just the two of you in a night of provocative dresses

ZZZ... (How quickly do they manage to fall asleep after make out)

May fall asleep right after you or fall asleep quickly after hugging you

It took really long to write this I will go for more thanks for reading

Request Are Open

[22degreehalo]

[Okay so this started as a reblogged addition to this previous post of mine but then it got long enough to stand alone sooooo]

Okay actually to narrow this down a bit, there's something incredibly fascinating about the way that despite Ashley being the driving force behind most of the story, it's almost always Andrew who actually commits the physical act of hurting someone.

Because, yes, despite what I said above, that particular aspect of their dynamic is deeply gendered: 'bad women' are usually the ones who manipulate and connive rather than get their hands dirty directly (with the unintended side effect that we tend to not take it seriously when women DO take physical action, because it just doesn't feel as 'real' or 'bad' as when men do it), while physical aggression is limited to men.

But there's so much more to it. There's the way Andrew feels a need to protect Ashley, which takes from the way he was parentified by his mother into having to take care of her as an authority and guardian rather than just another kid in his own right. The fact that Ashley really did need someone to protect her, because... she was kind of badly lacking in social skills and emotional regulation, to the point of exhibiting sadistic tendencies even from a young age. (Or, I suppose I should say, sadistic tendencies that she never grew out of, due to lacking the normal emotional development that sees young kids develop that kind of conscience?) All of which made her, realistically, pretty darn unpopular!!!

But also... that is a manipulation tactic. It's one of the classic signs of a cult: pressure/coerce a member to engage in some kind of morally reprehensible action, and once that's happened, it becomes far far harder for them to get out. Partially because they've now badly severed any other outside support systems; Renee knew what happened with Nina, and even if she had more hope for Andrew than she ever did Ashley even after that, it clearly framed how she saw those two and their relationship after that point. And, y'know, there's the fact that Andrew is seriously worried that they'll be thrown in jail, which means that he can't tell anyone else what happened, or even let them realise 'how bad' Ashley is, or they might start remembering that missing girl Ashley always used to hang out with...

But also partially because it complicates any internal sense of being a victim of another person's abuse. How can you act like you're some sweet little innocent baby, pushed around by the big old scary abuser, when you yourself have blood on your hands? (Part of why I find it a bit... unsettling? How many people in the TCOAAL fandom sincerely spread that his relenting to Ashley's manipulation makes him 'just as bad'.) It creates an internal sense of guilt and 'need' to be punished, or to be controlled by somebody who can make the 'right decisions'. And it furthers a sense that there's 'no going back' - that there's no point in even trying to escape this relationship, because it's gone too far, and the victim has already given up any hope of having or deserving a life outside of it.

And that's related to something I've had bouncing around in my mind for a lonnnnng time, but still even now don't have the brainspace to fully unpack it. People talk a lot about the inherent trauma of being a woman living under the patriarchy, but I think we don't discuss enough the inherent moral damage of being a man under the same circumstances.

Men are raised to see themselves as aggressive; hostile; killers; predators. They're taught that any sex they get from women is at her expense, a deal that can only be made good by their being Successful Enough to 'earn' it. That success, of course, is zero-sum; men must prove themselves over other men competitively to 'win', whether by earning more money, being more dominant, or (in attemptively progressive spaces) by being 'nicer' or 'better feminists' than other men. Men are expected to sacrifice; to war, to defending the women in their life, to working themselves to the bone under capitalism where women are 'supposed' to rely on men, instead. And that 'protecting' inherently implies violence against other men: men are expected by default to be able to throw themselves into the fray and get beat up and beat up somebody else in turn, and if they can't, they're viewed as lesser; pathetic and selfish. Men aren't given any support system to NOT be capable of inflicting violence. No matter how pacifist or anxious or disabled they are, they are in and of themselves viewed as 'acceptable targets' of violence, due to a perceived inherent ability to enact violence themselves.

Of course Andrew is the one to pull the trigger most of the time. Of course he takes it on as rote, as just his expected part in their messed-up relationship. Of course Ashley gladly lets him, even when she's the one who really wants to see the victim hurting. Of course Ashley encourages him into it, making him part of her decisions, binding him to her in blood over and over again, and of course she then throws it in his face as him 'choosing her', because what can he plausibly say to argue against that? And, then, of course his 'decay' involves turning his violence against both Ashley and himself, because he's too far gone to turn back now and become the monster Ashley was trying to turn him into.

AGAIN, I don't mean this as anti-Ashley; I think this is a super insightful display of both gender and abuser dynamics, and as I've said above, there are a whole heck of a lot of reasons why Ashley is the way she is. Also, fucked up and unjustifiably bad female characters are good sometimes!!

Just. Ashley does, canonically, encourage Andrew to engage in acts that his conscience rails against - actions that fill him with guilt and emotional pain - and then uses all of that to tie him to her ever stronger so he'll never leave. It says a lot that she gets so nervous when Andrew stops acting so guilty in the Burial route; because if she can't throw that moral damage back at him, how is she supposed to make sure he doesn't leave? If he's happy and well-adjusted and believes he deserves a decent life, why would he ever willingly stay with her?! (So she thinks.)(Not that she's entirely wrong, but.) She doesn't trust healthy relationship dynamics; she trusts guilt and trauma bonding.

(And it also means something hella big that Andrew seemingly doesn't get quite so many of those guilt-ridden nightmares as he pretends. Is he trying to pretend to himself he hasn't already slipped so far? Does he crave Ashley's loving reassurance just as much as she wants him to need it? It's like... speaking of intricate rituals, holy hell if this isn't fucking one of them: getting messed up in the head over committing cannibalism and murder, but then continuing to pretend that it's messing you up long after you're sorta getting over it, because that's the safest and easiest way to make your sister happy and nice to you.)

[anincorrectpetunia]

"Tell me something real, Livvie." He was thinking of how vulnerable she let herself be with him yesterday. What happened to that woman?

After their night and the morning they watched come into being, Olivia's fears felt feckless, the taste of her insecurities insipid under the blazing September sun. But she wanted to tell him anyway. His face was an open and inviting blanket in which she could safely swaddle herself.

"I've left every man I've ever been with. Me. I found a way every time. Not once have I regretted my decision. It wasn't a violation or cheating…to my knowledge. Or anything like that." She laughed mirthlessly. Her face looked off to the side, focused on the environment around her.

"Each time I would get this feeling that—and I tried to ignore it, but it would bubble up every time. Respect. I lost respect for each of them. It didn't matter how handsome they were, who they knew, their careers, or how wealthy they were. I eventually lost respect for them, then attraction. After that, love had no ground to stand on."

Fitz's eyes were half-lidded, half-committed to interpreting what it is Olivia was trying to convey in this crystal ball confession of hers. He wanted to scream that he was not any of those men, and did he not deserve a chance to prove that to her Did she not want to prove it to herself?

"But Olivia—"

"No, Fitz," she looked into his face now. "I need you to hear me when I say this. 

"You make me feel out of control. I never actively wanted someone who would make me feel this way. It's daunting. But then you came into my life, and I tried to push against the force of you. It's like I'm not myself and completely myself at the same time. I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. Me, you, us—I want that. It feels different. I want to see the difference that different makes." Her head moved up and down, affirming her words. 

"But if after all of that, what if the past repeats itself? If I repeat myself? Fitz, if we try and it doesn't' work out, I can't imagine hoping to love again. I'd be devastated. Because if I can't make it work with a man that makes me dream of pasts and futures, then I'm doomed. You could hurt me. Or changed how you feel. What if you've been holding onto a fantasy of me the last year only to discover in the next month that I'm nothing of the sort?"

"You got one thing right. You are nothing of the sort. I saw the real Olivia Pope stand up yesterday. I saw you. You're a woman who owns her own business and speaks seven languages, but you're also a girl obsessed with stars. You are flesh, and bone and blood. And hair. Beautiful hair."

Would his smile always be this infectious? Would he always know the right thing to say to her to diffuse her fears?

"But Livvie, all those real, human things are what I want with you. Not the façade. I can't tell you not to have those fears because that's the way love goes. I have fears, too. We're going to drive each other crazy. Experience euphoric peaks and disappointing valleys. Have the time of our lives, and hopefully take each other to places we've never been before."

His masculine hand made a delicate sweep over her exposed shoulders. 

"There is one singular promise I know I can stand on. I will give you everything inside of me. I want to be with you. For us to be together. Dare to try. What do you say?"

Olivia's lips held a small smile. As her eyes caressed every feature of his face, the smile grew. The slight divot in his cheek, she could become obsessed with that. She tested it out by putting her hand against his face, and her index finger instinctively rested against her new favorite imperfection of his handsome face. 

He inspired a fugitive feeling she desired to let roam inside her, pushing at her boundaries, shaping new contours she previously denied. A feeling she wanted to care for without caging. To need him. To be fearful of how much she loves him. She's never wanted that with anybody. He showed her new possibilities of how life could be composed. To author herself where she had only known self-governing and rigid regulation. Like OPA, her name was on this door, too. She could choose to open it to anyone she wanted. 

When her eyes traveled up to meet his, they were patient and consoling. Steadfast. Then, suddenly, their current pulled her in, washing memories of last year ashore. This time her eyes were open, locked with those of the man in front of her and what they could co-write. The one whose body felt real and safe against her own as they stood under a clear blue sky. Cumulous clouds; 84 degrees. A butterfly flapped its wings a final time as it settled on a daffodil nearby. 

"Yes. I say yes. Let's try."

Wanting to be with him was its own pleasure. She did not know if either of them could promise forever, but they could promise to try. Wasn't everyone just trying?

"So, is it too soon to be your boyfriend?"

More 'As Always'... or A03

[russian-soft-bitch]

Robert Langdon x reader

Author's note: I don't care this is shit, I wanna write about this man. Send me fluff requests, I can't write action lol

Might contain spoilers for Da Vinci Code!!

You were standing under the cool jets of water and thinking about what happened in these last couple of days. You weren’t exactly sure how many days had passed, it felt like an eternity.

When Robert told you about the lecture, you decided to go with him and support him there. You’ve been dating for about 7 months now, so it seemed logical to you. Besides, you didn’t visit Paris in ages. Thinking about that now, you were glad you came with him. Robert tended to get into deadly situations, it seemed. You were pretty shocked he stayed alive in Rome, everyone was talking about it back then.

When Robert went somewhere with Collet, you were pretty calm. It wasn’t great that the curator was killed but it just happens. Then you couldn’t reach him on the phone. To say that you were worried was an understatement. In a couple of hours after that, Robert called you from Chateau Villette. You made it there in 20 minutes. Thanks again to the guy who took you there on his motorcycle for 100 euros.

The moment you saw him was the happiest moment of your life. You could see Robert wasn’t exactly fine but that was understandable. And Sophie (you learned her name pretty quickly) looked like a little confused girl. And she was a little girl in your eyes - much younger than you, not knowing what to do. You would be confused too if that happened to you.

The way Teabing and Robert were explaining everything - it sounded foolish but you believed every word. The facts were there - you just never saw them. The woman who studied the Renessainse all her life, who knew Da Vinci like her own hand never could’ve thought that it was always a woman. Red-haired beautiful woman, Christ’s companion, not a man.

You were thinking about re-writing your still unfinished doctorate when the monk showed up, you tried to stop him. Bad decision, very bad. It led you to have a small injury from the bullet. It was small but it hurt like hell. You already knew the police were there, so you just told them to run. Robert didn’t want to leave you there, but you insisted. Police arrested you, of course, but at least you were able to get medical help.

They let you go when Fache arrested the right guy. Who knew it would be the little old man (that bastard). Anyway, after that Robert was able to call you. You saw both of them again in Rosslyn Chapel. What happened later, you couldn’t explain logically. You were proud to call yourself an atheist but after that, you didn’t know what to believe in. Your whole world just changed. You were still trying to understand everything.

Stepping out of the shower, you wrapped yourself in a towel and looked at Robert. He was standing there looking numbly at the sink. “Love? Are you okay? Did you cut yourself again?” In a moment he was running into a bedroom searching for something. You went after him. “What is it?” He looked at you briefly, “just need to check something”. Next moment he was already dressing. You were confused as hell but made sure to do that too. In twenty minutes you were almost running on the streets of Paris, following the Rose Line. You exclaimed suddenly, “no way! Is she there?” He looked at you, “I think so, but who knows? We can’t say for sure”. “That’s why Sauniere was the curator! He was trying to tell her that, oh my God!”

When you reached the Louvre, thousands of thoughts were crossing your mind. Was it even real? Will the world know about it? Should you tell Sophie about it? Or should you simply forget about it?

You were sure you won’t ever forget it. You will always think about it. Maybe you’ll believe in God again.

Robert fell to his knees and you finally felt peace.

[t0th3-ark]

Foreign Shadows

Karl Heisenberg x Reader: Part 1

Warnings: weapons, blood, gore, kidnapping, torture, cursing, sexual content.

"Ethan, you can't be serious?" (Y/N) calls after her friend. "I am serious. She's missing and I'm going to find her." Ethan shouts, over his shoulder, continuing into the woods. "Its getting late, you can't go out there alone." She says, stomping after him. Ethan turns suddenly. (Y/N) bumps into her chest, inhaling sharply. He looks down at her with desperation.

"Then come with me."

(Y/N) walks beside Ethan, arms crossed. They hadn't spoken to each other for at least twenty minutes. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Ethan sighs, breaking the silence. "I know this is hard for you." (Y/N) starts, feeling an uncomfortable shiver run down her spine. Someone was watching. "But this wasn't a good idea. We're out here alone, in that dark, with a only a flashlight. I mean this is classic horror story shit." (Y/N) says. "I know, I know." Ethan mumbles. What sounds like a small branch snapping under someone's foot his heard. They both fall quiet. Ethan looks at (Y/N). Shs looks back wide eyed. He glances around, suddenlt noticing lights in the distance. He pulls (Y/N) to him, whispering in her ear. "There are light down the hill. When I tap your arm, we run, got it." He explains, having a feeling of dread in his gut. (Y/N) lets out a shaky breath feeling him tap her arm. She boots.

Ethan is hot on her tail, as they both sprint down the hill. The lights get closer and closer to reveal a small village. "What the hell?" (Y/N) whispers. Ethan doesn't see her stop running and bumps into her, knocking them both to the ground. "Shit!" Ethan says, grabbing the attention of some people walking the street. (Y/N) groans, sitting up, feeling eyes on her. "Ethan." (Y/N) says, patting the ground beside her. He was gone. She stares at the spot of the ground he once was sitting on. Did he leave her? (Y/N) stands, brushing her hands on her jeans. "Ethan!" She whispers harshly. "Dammit." She mumbles, looking entirely out of place in the village. "Are you lost?" Someone asks, from behind her. She turns, quickly. "I don't- I'm not from here." (Y/N) stutters watching the woman's face light up. "A foreigner! How lovely." She starts. (Y/N) doesn't let her finish. "Have you seen a guy, about this tall," She gestures with her hands, "Blonde hair? He was wearing a green jack-" The woman stops her. "I've seen no man. Please come, inside!" She says ushering (Y/N) inside her home. "Wait, but-" The woman sushes her. "I insist! We never get foreigners nowadays." The woman laughs, eerily. (Y/N) swallows, thickly. "Let me go find my husband, and I'll be right back." The woman says, giving her a creepy grin. (Y/N) shutters as the woman leaves. She rushes to the door, opening it. It slams on the wall as she bolts out of the woman's house and into the square. Where the hell was she? What was going on? Where did Ethan go? What was in the wood? Her breath quickens and she glances frantically around the village for an escape. Villagers stop in their tracks, staring at her as if she were a digusting creature. A dull pain, resonates on the back of her skull. She grunts, falling to the ground from the impact. She turns, seeing villager with some heavy object in hand. (Y/N)'s head pounds. Her adrenaline begins to kick in. The man raises his weapon to strike again and she rolls to the side hearing it clank on the brick below her. She kicks the man in the shin, pulling herself up. "Oh no you don't!" The man yells, aiming a shotgun at her. Where did her get that from? "What do you want? What's going on?" (Y/N) roars, anger filling her. "Where is my friend? What did you do to him-" The gun goes off, the bullets piercing her thigh. (Y/N) falls on her back, crying out in pain. Her hands shoot to her injured leg, holding it. Blood seeps onto her hands. She sobs, looking up through her tears at the man. "Mother Miranda will be very pleased to see you." The man says, confusing the hell out of (Y/N). "Please-" The barrel of the gun comes down the hit (Y/N)'s head. 

Darkness.

"Oh, please, that is utter nonsense!" A female's voice booms. (Y/N) winces, feeling cold metal around her wrists. Her thigh is numb and pulsates with her heart. Her head hurts. It's throbbing, aching. She turns to lie on her back. "(Y/N)!" Someone hisses, from beside her. "Ethan?" (Y/N) croaks, quietly. "Thank God. I thought you wouldn't wake up." Ethan says. He's bloody and dirty. "What's going on? Ethan, please tell me this isn't real." (Y/N) whispers. "Ah!" The same female voice says. "They're awake." She chuckles. (Y/N) props herself up against a wall. Oh god. A woman looms above her. She's enormous. She towers over (Y/N) like a tree. She has to crane her neck to see the woman's face. She glances around the room seeing several other figures. Her eyes widen. What the fuck was happening? "Oh, don't be alarmed, darling." The woman, grins. "The worst is yet to come." She says. Someone snorts and (Y/N)'s head turns to see a gruff looking man, smoking a cigar. "What the fuck is going on?" (Y/N) projects, taking all of the strange people by surprise. Ethan feels anxiety bubble in him. "Who are you? What are we doing here?" (Y/N) drills. No one answers. "Answer me, goddammit!" (Y/N) shouts. Cigar man let's out a laugh. It sounded like it came from deep within her gut.

"What's so funny, cigar man?" (Y/N) growls, making Ethan kick her uninjured leg. "Dont provoke them." He mumbles. "Cigar man." The scruffy man repeats. "Don't provoke them?" (Y/N) says lowly. The strange people watch the two humans interact. "Don't fucking provoke them?" She shouts at Ethan, making him flinch. "Some dumbass shot me in the leg and all I was trying to do was get some answers." (Y/N) rants. "You're the one who dragged me out here to find you're precious daughter!" She says raising her hands mockingly. Ethan's face contorts. "Oh so it's my fault?" He says, laughing bitterly. "Obviously! We're in this situation because of you!" She argues, shoving her index finger into his chest. "Me? I'm not the one who-" The tall woman becomes tired of their bickering. "Enough!" She booms, shutting them both up. "Mother Miranda is on her way and she will decide what to do with both of you." She says, obviously annoyed. "I like her." The man says, pointing his cigar at (Y/N). "She's got spunk. Now him," He pauses, pointing to Ethan, "He seems like a pain in the ass, if I'm being blunt with you." He says, ignoring that the two humans were even there, talking to the tall lady. The large woman, sighs heavily. "It isn't your decision, Heisenberg." She says, sitting down. "Now hang on just a minute," (Y/N) says squinting. "Since when am I property?" She glares at all of them. Ethan swallows. "Since you set foot here." A new voice says. It's filled with power. It was quite intimidating. A female figure covered in feathers enters the room. "What the fuck." (Y/N) whispers, eyes trailing her as she walks. The Heisenberg man snorts. Ethan  cowers to the wall behind him. Idiot. 

Miranda stops at the center of the room. "We will decide your fate, from now, forward." She says, speaking with a kind of grace. "So we don't get a fucking say in this?" (Y/N) fumes. "(Y/N)." Ethan says, weakly. "Don't '(Y/N)' me. I don't want anything to do with this! This is insane. It this a joke? Did my mom set this shit up? She's been after me for years. I knew-" (Y/N) is silenced. "Shut your fucking hole and let the woman speak. Damn." Heisenberg snaps. "I thought you liked me, cigar boy." (Y/N) sneers. Heisenberg rises from his seat, suddenly, making her jump. Mother Miranda sighs. "Now you listen to me, princess." Heisenberg growls, stalking over to her. (Y/N) stands her ground, rolling her shoulders back. Ethan starts to shake in fear. He grabs her jaw, roughly.

"You ain't making the fucking decisions around here." He says. (Y/N) tries to pull her head out of his grasp, but he simply tightens it. "Your fate is already layed out for you. So I suggest to cooperate or you will face the consequences." Heisenberg grins. "Get your hands off me you pig!" (Y/N) says, lowly. A loud crack echos inside the room. (Y/N) falls back against the wall, hand to her face. He just hit her. "Learn your place or you won't survive." Heisenberg whimpers. (Y/N)'s eyes sting with tears. Everything hurt and nothing made sense. "Go to hell." She mumbles. "What did I just say-" heisenberg starts raising his voice. "That's a great show you put on for us, dear, but I think that's enough." The tall woman says, boredom in her tone. (Y/N) slumps back against the wall, defeated. It was no use. 

"Ethan Winters." Mother Miranda says. "Your fate has been decided." She speaks with authority. There's a pause. "Lady Dimitrescu will have you." She states. The tall woman grins wildly. Ethan shrinks back against the wall. (Y/N) sits there, a cut on her cheek from something Heisenberg hand on his hand. Possibly a ring. She didn't care. Ethan is carried away by the tall lady she had learned to be Alcina Dimitrescu. "Good fucking ridens." (Y/N) mumbles to herself, watching Ethan struggle. "(Y/N) (L/N). Your fate has been decided." Mother Miranda repeats. "Oh, great." (Y/N) says, voice dripping in hate. "Lord Heisenberg will take you." She says. (Y/N) feels anger filling her. "I'm not going with that idiot." She says, looking at Miranda while referring to him. She hears him stand. Goosebumps rise on her skin, seeing his shadow on the ground as he looms above her. "Get up." He orders. "Fuck off." (Y/N) retorts, still looking at Miranda. "Get the fuck up!" Heisenberg booms. (Y/N) glares up at him. "I said, fuck off!" She yells back. Heisenberg smiles, adjusting his hat. "You're in for a ride, pretty girl." He growls, grabbing her forearm, forcing her to stand on her bad leg. (Y/N) yelps, numbing pain shooting through her ankle to her hip. She pants, pulling at the chains surrounding her wrist. She would glady, for no money at all, kick him in the balls, if her leg was healed.

"Well? C'mon walk." Heisenberg says, in a teasing manner. "I got shot, dumbass! I can't walk." (Y/N) spits. "Guess I'll either have to drag you or throw you over my shoulder. What'll it be?" He says, a glint in his eyes. (Y/N) remains silent. He grabs her by the middle, hosting her over his shoulder. "Put me down!" (Y/N) shouts as he begins to walk. "Oh! I see. You'd rather be dragged on the ground, huh?" Heisenberg says, stopping. "No." (Y/N) says, quickly. "That's what I fuckin' thought." He says, hand resting on the bad of her thighs. It didn't seem like he really cared about the wound on her thigh.(Y/N) starts to feel blood rush to her head. The man was carrying her at an uncomfortable angle. She grunts, wiggling to adjust herself. "Quit movin'." Heisenberg barks, slapping the back of her injured thigh. (Y/N) flinches letting out a pained sound. She dangles from his shoulder like a ragdoll. This was embarrassing to say the least. He was treating her like a sack of potatoes. 

After what felt like a month, they reached some sort of plant. A factory maybe? This was all surreal. A whirring sound is heard and (Y/N) is walked through a door. "Welcome to your new home." Heisenberg chuckles. "This isn't my home." She snaps, hitting his back with her chained wrists. "Now you've done it." He says, before throwing her down on the floor. (Y/N) hisses, her leg aching. "Look, this us how it's gonna be." He starts, kneeling down to an eye level stance. "You ain't gonna cause trouble and your gonna do what I say. You hear?" He says. "You may need some trainin'," He pauses, eyes hinting some darkness,

"But you'll fuckin' learn."

[fly-like-a-phoenix]

House of Lust (part 6)

Abbé de Coulmier x reader

Summary: Five years has passed since the events of Quills. The Abbé de Coulmier is released of prision by a misterious event. And he will know again those feelings he never thought will meet again: love... and lust.

Warnings: none, the next part will have smut ;)

You both heard the knocks on the door not so early that morning. Must be eight or nine of clock, the birds were singing, and François woke just to see you from the divan.

"Was it the door?" He said.

"I think so." You responded, covering yourself with the sheets from his view. "Must be my sister."

François sat in the divan, waiting for you to open the door. He looked at you, your lines while you walked, how beautiful you hair moved to every step.

He liked you since the time he woked up in that same room, looking at you and the way you were curing his wounds with so much care.

"Good morning, Abbé. Did you sleep well?" Josephine said. "You'll need that energy today. Y/N, you got to get up too. Give this gorgeous man a bath. We have new clothes."

"Why should I bath him? He can do it alone!" You said, a little angry.

"Well, as I see it, we found you touching his naked chest. Are you gonna be so shy now?" Josephine answered in low voice.

"I wasn't touching him, I was just cleaning the blood he had in his skin because of the hitting."

"Whatever you say, but with more reason you'll help him, Y/N. I don't think he can clean himself at all after that beating. After all, aren't you curious about seeing him naked?"

Josephine had a wicked smile in her face. You turn around a little, just to see François walking to you, hate visible in his eyes when he looked at your sister.

He passed you both, and waited for you standing in the last part of the hallway, arms crossed looking at the large room.

"Don't say you're not!" Josephine added. "I'm very curious about seeing what does he hides inside those trousers."

While she walked to him, you asked yourself if she actually was right. Yes, it was true. You wanted to see him fully naked. But sex wasn't the only thing in your mind as in your sisters'.

You accompanied him to the bathroom, your sister handing you a small towel. She winked her eye to you before closing the door.

"I never saw a bathtub before. I mean, I heard about them. But I never had the chance to take a bath in them. Charenton only had public bathrooms." François said, looking at the porcelain container while taking out his shirt.

You turned to see the wall, your heart beating faster while you briefly saw him getting undress with the corner of your eye. When you felt him entering slowly into the bathtub, you approached to him.

"Is it cold?" You asked.

"No, it's nice. Thank you."

"I guess my sisters prepared it with hot watter just for you. Sometimes I bath with cold water. They're... You know..."

François let you clean his back with the sponge. He didn't say nothing, but he knew what you meant. They're bitches, you were about to say. And he believed that.

"How long you were in Charenton?"

"As the director or as an inmate?" He responded with a crocked smile.

"As the director. I already know about the last five years. And I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be sorry. Maybe I deserved it. And I directed the asylum for six years, since I was seventeen, since I left the seminary."

You both chatted more while you help him to bath and clean the mud and some blood that was still in his skin. He had some purple bruises in his back and shoulder, so you had to be careful.

His skin was soft as the porcelain of the bathtub. His body wasn't so muscled or big, but it was strong and attractive. It was so real....

And seeing him so clean, without the dirt and mud, with the towel around his waist when he was finally out of the bathtub, made you escape your breathing.

It wasn't necessary to see him nude just to feel those butterflies in your stomach.

"We gotta go to your bedroom again?" He said.

"I think we have to, yeah." You said, opening the door and going to your room again, followed by him, some drops of water still falling from his body to the ground.

When you arrived, you stopped in front of your bed. François stood next to you, watching the same you were seeing, his hand holding the towel.

"What a fucking asshole." You said, referring to your sister, not knowing if it was Odelle's or Josephine's idea. "I'm sorry." You apologized.

"Don't be sorry. This is stupid."

François approached more to the bed, and took the robes in his hands. It was a priest cassock and a white shirt, just similar to the one he used to wear in Charenton.

"This is a blasphemy. I'm not such a clerical man anymore, but this is an insult. I can't wear this."

"It seems is the only thing you have, unless you want to dress that towel forever. God... I just can't take this! I need to get out of here."

"I hope we both will." Said he, taking out his towel while you turn again to see the wall, not wanting to see him nude, even when you were so needed to do so.

He arranged his hair better, looking at himself at the mirror. You were looking at him too, the Abbé de Coulmier you fell in love with five years ago, in all his glory.

"How do I look?"

"You're..."

The most handsome man I've seen in my life.

"You look very well."

"Thank you. You're beautiful too, even in your pajamas."

You laughed a little by that, your face blushing because of the compliment. He waited for you sitting in the bed while you got dressed behind a little screen.

"Why do you think your sisters choosed me for... Whatever they planned?"

"I don't know. I haven't read the Marquis de Sade stories, never. But maybe he wrote something about a priest based in you that made my sisters obsessed to do whatever he said. They fantasize a lot. And he's kind like a god for them."

François was about to respond when he turned his head a little to see you, finding you naked from the waist to the neck, seeing your beautiful body. You didn't notice this, and he went to see to the front again.

He felt the same butterflies in his stomach that you felt before in the bathroom.

He liked you more and more as the minutes passed by, and he hoped he could keep spending more time by your side, even if the events that we're happening were not enjoyable at all.

The door opened soon, Odelle coming to get you both to the dining room to have breakfast. François will know the other guests, as she called the degenerate rich people that came every year to enjoy the... Event?

"You will said to everyone that asks you that you were invited here and came by your own. Understood, Abbé? You decided you want to be part of our House of Lust and enjoy every carnal impulse. If I or my sister know that you said to one of the other guests that what I just said isn't true, you'll not pass this night. I hope you do what you think is right."

He accepted, and waited for you until you both appeared in the dining room, fake smiles on your faces, saluting everyone with bows.

He only had eyes for you during the breakfast. Wearing a nice red dress, you also were seeing him. His priest robes becomes him well, you said to yourself. And other girls were seeing him too, including both your sisters.

Around sixty people were eating and drinking the breakfast in the large table, sitting in the magnificent chairs, enjoying the bread, the eggs and cheese, the fruits and everything else.

"So you're an Abbé, is it that right, father?" A bearded man sitting next to him asked.

"Yes, monsieur. That's right. I got the title when I was eighteen."

"But don't you have vows of chastity to follow? I mean, I thought you---"

"I decided to... Try another creed... If you know what I mean. I want to feel other things to finally live a little, away from the decision and the path that my parents wanted for me when I entered the seminary. I just want to try new things and maybe see what happens later."

Suddenly it was all silence. His body was hurting a little because of the hitting, but also for lying so much. He was not used to, but Odelle and Josephine loved the little improvisation.

"Well, as you see, my darlings, our Abbé here is a good poet too. He was a good friend of the Marquis de Sade until he died." Your older sister added.

"Wasn't you the man who killed him? I heard it was the director of the asylum." A young woman said.

"No, mademoiselle. It was a college of mine who did it. I worked in there, but I was transferred to another asylum."

The interrogation lasted a few more minutes, until the servants, including Louis and Claude, closed the red curtains, leaving the place darker.

"I think is time to start this day." Odelle said, clapping, making everyone to celebrate a little. The guests went to their rooms, sometimes three or four in one bedroom.

François started to see what was going on, thinking on which perverted things they did in those rooms. But there he was, and he was a part of this, even if he didn't wanted to.

"Now you, my sweet Abbé, will come with me." Odelle said to him while everyone finally left the place.

François shared a look with you a last time while you went to your room alone, getting in there and closing the door with lock. You hoped he went well through it. It was his first day, after all.

When he entered to the red room, candles lighting the place, it felt like being in Hell. Or at least, in the place were the capital sin of lust must be punished... Or delighted.

Tagging: @darknessisafriend @five-miles-over @yukis-writing @thegirlwho @jokerflecker @missrockabilly99 @luperugorria99 @lyoongx @weirdflecksbutok @skaraboo @stardancerluv @sgtsavoytruffle @ohcarlesmycarles @beautifulyoungprospect @sophiefleck @the-queen-of-things @joaqz-phoenix @ajokerfangirl @bailaycantaconmingo

[elizabeethan]

Time and Time Again- Part 2

Follow up to Time and Time Again because I have no self control! Killian’s POV of when they get home from Neverland.

Thanks to @the-darkdragonfly for enabling me and then editing this.

Rated a very soft M... I guess.

Part 2/2 (now it’s complete)

~3400 words

Read on Ao3

Tagging: @courtorderedcake @kmomof4 @stahlop @klynn-stormz @laschatzi @emelizabeth88 @lfh1226-linda @kday426 @elisethewritingbeast @timeless-love-story @captain-emmajones​ @gingerpolyglot @ebcaver @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @teamhook​ @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @tiganasummertree @gingerchangeling @jrob64​ @onceratheart18 @xhookswenchx @winterbaby89​ @swampmedusa @ultraluckycatnd @dancingnancyy​ @love-with-you-i-have-everything @shireness-says​ @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious​ @ouatpost​ @daxx04 @the-darkdragonfly @donteattheappleshook

If you want me to add or remove you from my tag list please tell me!!

She’s the strongest woman he’s ever known. Of course, Milah was a fierce lass with fire in her heart, but there’s something about Emma Swan that seems to blow Milah’s disposition out of the water.

Perhaps it’s the way she defeated one of the most cunning and menacing foes he’s ever known. That must be it. The way he’d tried to do it years ago, using sheer violence and residual anger, hadn’t even come close to working. Meanwhile, this bloody woman succeeds in a matter of weeks.

He loves her; he can deny it no longer.

She’s the smartest person he’s ever known. Her instinct is almost always correct and he hasn’t had a single moment in which he doesn’t trust her to the fullest extent.

So he isn’t sure why no one seems to be listening to her.

He’s surprised when she comes to him. It’s not with the intention of confiding in him, but it isn’t a difficult bridge to cross before she is. “There’s something wrong with Henry,” she tells him, voice soft and scared and desperate. She looks so small across the hall from him as she hugs herself. “I don’t know what, but…”

“Alright, Swan,” he tries, hoping to comfort her, reaching through the space between them to touch his hand to her shoulder but careful not to get too close. “We’ll sort this out.”

He can’t move past the look of surprise on her face when he promises this, as if she’s shocked that someone would offer to help her- believe her.

Rumplestiltskin defeats Peter Pan- his father, apparently- but the curse has already been cast and cannot be stopped. It’s determined that nothing can be done, save for Regina casting her own curse and bringing everyone back to the Enchanted Forest.

Everyone but Henry.

But not to worry, Emma escaped the first curse, so she can stay here with him.

And Killian wants to kick and scream and revert back to the man he once was, not too long ago. The crocodile died a somewhat noble death, effectively taking away his chance at revenge, but it would’ve been alright. Because he would’ve had a chance to love Emma Swan and he suspects that would’ve been endlessly better than revenge.

And now she’s leaving.

And she’s crying again.

And he knows he won’t survive this.

“That’s quite the vessel you captain, Swan,” he says in a pathetic attempt to distract from the pain he’s feeling.

She laughs in a way that tells him this hurts her too, and his assumptions are confirmed when she leans in close to him and draws him into a tight hug. “I don’t want to do this alone,” she whispers against him.

He squeezes her back then pulls away to wipe a tear off of her cheek. He feels weak, but she needs strength, so he digs deep. “You aren’t alone, love,” he whispers back. “You have Henry, and we’ll all be with you, here.” He points to her heart, feeling the violent pace it takes as it slams in her chest.

She chokes and sniffles but says nothing, so he supplies, “there’s not a day will go by I won’t think of you,” and he means it more than he’s ever meant anything.

Through tears and strangled breaths she says, “good,” and supplies him with a smile that will surely haunt his dreams.

He wants to kiss her. He’s not sure he can live with the memory of her lips on his and with the knowledge that it will never happen again. But her family is here and he thinks they know naught of their dalliances on the island, so he holds back.

Regina talks of giving Emma and Henry memories that aren’t real to numb the pain of the loss they’ll feel. He’s glad that they won’t remember losing their family- that Emma won’t remember losing her parents again- but he feels jealousy. Forgetting her would be so much easier.

But as he watches her cross the town line in her yellow contraption and the curse whisks them away, back to Misthaven, he knows he wouldn’t trade loving Emma Swan for anything in the world.

~~~~

Six months pass painfully. Killian Jones knows loss, he’s experienced plenty of it in his centuries of life, and this is no easier. The loss of a love not yet bloomed is almost worse than the pain he felt when he lost Milah. At the end of the day, he knew what they had and how they changed each other. He wishes he could have that luxury with Emma.

His crew tries desperately to help him move on. Of course, none of them know the pain he feels and why, but he’s certain that they can sense a change in their captain. He tries to move on as well, attempting to pirate distant lands and pillage royal carriages, but nothing seems to distract from what’s always on his mind.

At month eight, they buy him a night with a woman- a brown-haired lass who stirs nothing in him. He pays her off and ignores the look of confusion on her face as he walks through the streets. The mermaid finds him, threatens him with a blade to his throat if he doesn’t help her, and he can’t fight the thoughts of a love lost that sprout in his mind. He can’t walk away without helping her because, as he painfully realizes, he knows how she feels. She at least has a chance to get her love back.

But then he thinks having the Jolly back will cure him of his ailments of the heart, so he behaves foolishly and throws Blackbeard overboard. It serves him right, truthfully, for stealing a man’s ship. But then the mermaid asks him if true love is worth more than a few planks of wood and a sail, and he knows that it is. He also knows that his love is lost from him, so a few planks of wood and a sail is all that he has and all that he’ll ever have again.

The bird that lands on his helm is a surprise, and the note attached to her leg even more so. Another curse is coming, and Emma’s family needs her. It’s the first time he’s seen her name outside of his mind’s eye and his heart constricts in his chest, thumping painfully against his ribs. He thinks of her when he thinks of his ribs, of how she diagnosed them broken in the street and celebrated silently when she was proven correct, and wonders how morbid of a thought that is.

A curse swept through Misthaven, making travel between realms possible again. The only problem is that he’s essentially destroyed any sense of trust between himself and the fire-haired mermaid who could make him a portal, so he must find another way. The thought of giving his ship back to Blackbeard, who was apparently saved by the siren, causes an ache in his chest that rivals the one he’s been feeling for the last year. But the thought of missing out on the chance to help Emma, to see her again, blows that pain away and it’s the easiest decision he’s ever made. So he takes the bean and thinks of her when he tosses it to the ground. He’s never felt so hopeful.

~~~~

She knees him in the groin. It’s poetic, really, the way he tries True Love’s Kiss with her and she shoves him out the door without a hint of remembrance. But he knew it was a long shot. True Love’s Kiss doesn't work when one person doesn't remember the other. Perhaps it’s foolish for him to believe that she loves him.

He watches as she struggles to answer the scrawny, unkempt man’s proposal. He wonders if it’s because of what he said to her, but he tries not to get his hopes up. He’s missed the fire in her voice, the sarcasm dripping from every word, more than he could have possibly imagined.

She still doesn’t believe him despite having proof, and he shouldn’t be surprised when she chains him up again. He wonders fleetingly how many pairs of these handcuffs she owns as the officers haul him off and lock him in the brig. He’s been in worse, of course, but then they try and give him their strange meat and he knows he must escape.

He’s just started working on his plan, wondering about the strength of the metal bars holding him in place and wishing he had his hook, when an officer opens the cage and sets him free. “You made bail,” she tells him, and Killian wonders what the bloody hell that’s supposed to mean, but he doesn’t waste the opportunity. Once he’s outside, he sees her golden hair and knows everything will be alright.

And she believes him. She believes him! It’s almost too good to be true. She struggles with the decision, but he sees the moment that it’s made in her eyes. The moment she reaches for the vial in his fingers, her own grazing his and lighting a fire in him, and pulls it to her mouth. He sees her take a deep breath and prepare herself for all that is about to change for her.

What he doesn't see is the man rushing by them, bumping into her back and causing her to drop the vial at their feet and destroy its contents. “No,” she says softly, sadly, as she looks down at the broken glass. “I was going to…”

She looks up into his eyes and he sees the same pain that was on display a year ago, when they lost each other. She looks lost and confused and disappointed at the idea of losing the chance to know herself again. She knows there’s something wrong, and she was moments from finding out exactly what it is before her opportunity was crushed at her feet. He can’t stand to see this look on her face.

“Come, love,” he says, offering her his hand which she takes easily. He isn’t sure where they're going, but he can't sit idly by and not make an effort to sooth her worries. “Let’s get out of the street,” he suggests.

She nods, pulling on his hand and leading him down the busy pavement as they weave through other pedestrians until they arrive at her building. He’s let in by her this time, doesn’t have to sneak in through the nearly closing door behind someone, and, once they get out of the metal death trap, he watches her take out a set of keys and open up her apartment door. She lets him in without a second thought and sets her things down, dropping onto the couch with a huff.

“This is… it’s too much,” she finally says after moments of silence.

He steps closer to the couch she rests on, her knees pulled to her chin and her arms hugging herself tightly, but does dare sit down. “I’m sorry,” he says uselessly.

“It’s just that I… I feel like there's something wrong. Like something has always been off, but I've always just denied it. And just now, I was so ready to take that step and find out what my life is supposed to be. And then it just slipped through my fingers.”

“I wish I could fix this,” he says helplessly. “We needed to get back to your family, Emma. They need you and I… I need you.”

Her brows pinch together and she releases her legs, standing quickly and looking as though she wants to walk over to him. “I don't know what we—” she stops herself pensively. “If we have some kind of history, or whatever. But it’s like… it’s like I trust you somehow. And I was looking forward to swallowing that shit and finding out why I trust you so much. And you’re telling me I have to help my family, and even though I’ve never had one, I still believe you. And now knowing that I’ll never have the chance… it hurts so much, and I can’t put into words why.”

She’s crying again. He can’t stop himself from stepping closer to her and taking her hand in his, pulling her as close to him as he can without actually touching his body to hers. All he wants is to hold her until her pain is gone. “I’m so sorry, love,” he says softly, and at the sound of his voice, he can feel her melting closer to him. “I wish I could fix this for you. All I want is to take away your pain; I wish I could bear it for you.”

“I just want to know you,” she says, sinking closer until her forehead is pressed to his chest, and he wants to squeeze her like he did in Neverland. “I wish I knew who you were to me.”

“I’m yours,” he answers easily.

Her arms are around him and there’s no better feeling, until the pain of knowing that it isn’t her, not fully, sets in. He has to squeeze her to keep his tears at bay. “It doesn't make any sense,” she whispers again. “How I can feel this way about someone I don’t know— someone I don’t even remember ever knowing?”

“We did much together, you and I,” he says fondly. “We made quite the team.”

“What happened to us?”

“I lost you,” he whispers painfully, the words burning his throat on their way out. “For a year I suffered thinking I would never see you again. And then I found you, and, well…” He trails off, thinking of their first meeting and the damage she did to his pride and to his groin.

She lets out a small chuckle against his chest, rustling the hairs slightly as she does so, and says, “sorry about that. But you were just some stranger and you kissed me!”

“Aye, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why did you?”

He falters just slightly before deciding to take the chance, unsure if the consequences of his honesty truly bother him. “It was a long shot. I was hoping the kiss would work to break… Well, I suppose I just hoped you felt as I do.”

She pulls away from him just a bit so that she can look into his eyes from below him. She looks so small from this angle and he wants nothing more than to protect her; scoop her up in his arms and hold her close so that nothing can touch her. “How’s that?”

With a soft, sad smile, he says simply, “I love you.”

Emma cocks her head pensively, looking sad and dejected, but also hopeful. “I’m—” she starts, shaking her head. “I don’t know why, but I…”

She cannot answer him with words, it seems, and instead, she leans forward towards him and slips up onto her toes, holding her arms around him a bit harder to keep her balance. He wishes he could pause this moment while also letting it play out; perhaps if he could relive it again and again, he would be content. Her lips find his and it’s as if there’s an explosion between them, a vibrant burst of rainbow light brightening the room as she slips her fingers into his hair and pulls him closer.

“Killian,” she mumbles against his mouth, though he struggles to pull away from her after a year of knowing he would never see her again. He separates them minutely, his lips still grazing hers slightly as he whispers her own name back to her. “Did we just…?”

He can hardly think of the words that leave her mouth because it’s still so close to his. Rather than responding, he kisses her once more and revels in the feeling of her lips massaging his as she kisses him back. “Aye,” he says against her, keeping her as close as possible.

“I remember,” she whispers into his mouth, and she’s pulling away and looking gleefully confused. “That kiss…?”

“All curses can be broken, love,” he tries to reason.

Expecting to be met with panic and denial, he’s shocked to see some semblance of acceptance in her eyes as she says, “with True Love’s Kiss.”

He smiles at her and cups her cheek in his palm. “You don’t need to say anything, darling. Having you back with me is enough.”

She shocks him more still when she tugs him back to her, her lips crashing into his and her tongue seeking access to his mouth immediately. While their last kiss was soft and slow, this one is wanton and desperate, as if she can’t get him close enough to her.

They should be focused on getting her and Henry back to Storybrooke. Whether their kiss broke the memory curse that made her forget her family, or the Dark Curse that brought them back to the Land Without Magic, he isn’t sure. It’s something they should be trying to figure out. But it’s impossible to focus on that when Emma Swan pulls Killian Jones onto her couch without breaking her lips from his.

She doesn't ever stop kissing him. Not when she pushes his greatcoat off of his shoulders; not when she tugs his blouse over his head; not when she whispers “I love you,” into his mouth. Not when she wipes moisture off of his cheeks before it drips onto her own.

Eventually they break apart, but it’s only when his own lips start to travel down her chin, along her throat, to her exposed chest. She only allows that for so long, sealing them back together and letting him swallow her moan as his fingers find her center. His tongue traces his love for her against her clit until she’s writhing beneath him and begging him to make her his. Obliging, he slides into her easily, fitting perfectly between her thighs and inside her tight core. Their foreheads never part as they make love to each other slowly, with a gentle force that expresses just how one feels about the other.

They reach a precipice together, and he lets himself fall off the edge of the cliff he’s been hanging off of for the last year without her, plunging into the depths of what it is to love her and holding her the whole way down. He’ll never let go again.

There’s a knock on the door hours later, while they’re still bare and covered in only a small blanket. Their time spent sleeping and talking and holding each other and making love some more had to come to an end eventually, and Emma’s realization of who is at the door knocks them back into reality. “It’s Walsh, Henry invited him,” she explains as if he knows who that is, and she stirs from his hold on her.

He tries to pull her so that her back stays put against his chest, but she giggles and pinches his side until he lets go, slipping out from under the small blanket and reaching for her shirt before he can get another good look at her. “I can get rid of him,” he offers.

“No, my memories may not be real, but he is; I at least want to let him down easy.”

He puts the pieces together as he gets dressed himself, only after watching her walk out the door with a promise to return. Walsh must be the man who proposed to her the other night. A sense of worry sets over him as he considers the worst possible outcome. The fact that she could decide to stay with him and send Killian away. Though he doesn't get much of a chance to let this scenario play out in his mind, because he hears a crash from above and rushes upstairs to see Emma alone on the roof, panting and holding a pipe in her hand.

She hurries towards him once he opens the door, crashing into his hold and saying, “I was never safe.”

If there’s one thing he vows now, it’s that she will never feel this way again. He whispers into her ear as they walk down the stairs that they’ll take care of this. They’ll go back to Storybrooke and deal with the threats as they’ll do everything else for as long as she allows: together.

[twotwinks]

akiren + 4, 7, 13!

AKIREN THE COMFORTIEST OF THE CHARACTERS

4. What about their personality I like

WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LIKE but real talk I love that he drinks his Protect Women Juice and it's what made me fall in love with him in the first place, he can't stand seeing them being taken advantage of and it utterly breaks him when he can't do anything about it. You know that cutscene with Ann in the restaurant? It makes me CRY help them both. Adding on to that, he just cares about people So Much and he wants to save everybody he possibly can and he hates not being able to. (Which also makes the Bad Ends of both p5 and p5r so interesting because in p5 he ends up going against his own morals so he can take care of the people of Tokyo himself, ultimately leading to his own corruption from power, and in p5r he sacrifices his own happiness and relationships with his friends in order to fulfil their biggest wishes and give them the happiest lives possible.) Also he’s a lil shit when he wants to be which is a delight.

7. The moment of theirs that made me the happiest

You make me CHOOSE? You make me choose like decisive person? Oh! Oh! Jail for roch! Jail for roch for One Thousand Years!

I guess I’m going to have to go with when he awakens Arsene, no matter how many times I see it I always end up just sitting there with a big stupid smile on my face and rocking back and forth in my seat. He just gets So Tired of being pushed around by people who hold power over him and are trying to control his life, and he’s also just as tired of seeing innocent people (Ryuji in this case) being tormented by people who are doing it just Because They Can, and knowing that Ryuji will die if he doesn’t do anything finally pushes him over the edge to accepting that he’d rather continue ruining his life if it means doing the right thing than abide by society’s rules and allow people to be hurt through inaction. And then! He gets to learn how to fight from Arsene immediately after which ALSO continues my Happiness Train because! I love! Seeing him learn how to channel his own fury over how he and Ryuji are being treated through Arsene to fight for his beliefs! Also just getting to watch him and Arsene learn to be a team is So Sweet.

13. What I don’t like about the way the fandom portrays them

Hhhhhh there is. Actually a Lot. The most nitpicky of the things is I don’t like when he’s portrayed as Very Vocal. I know he’s technically supposed to be talking more than we see in game, and I absolutely love when we get to hear his voice, but he really strikes me as not talking very much and it just Bugs Me to see him saying a lot of words at once if he’s not in Emotional Distress.

The thing that bothers me the MOST though is when fandom portrays him as a womanizer. Most people do it as a joke, I know, but it just IRKS ME. You know that haremfucker69 joke? Yeah, that came from this game, thanks to your Unfortunate Ability to date almost every single female confidant at once. And for some reason some people seem to think that just because it’s possible he must really be like that. Even though he gets absolutely punished for it on Valentine’s Day. But like. Even Xander Mobus has said he’s not a fan of that interpretation because it just doesn’t Seem Right for Akiren. And it doesn’t! It makes no sense! You’re really going to tell me that the guy who has a criminal record because he stopped a man from harassing a woman AND risked killing another man because said man pursued teenage girls is going to date, like, seven woman at once behind all of their backs? NO! (He’s allowed to be poly though. Because then it’s consensual! Also I should make a diagram of my PolyThieves pairings dkhfdkhk.)

As a final note, I generally assume anyone who ships shuake has no idea what Akiren’s character is like. Because there’s no way in hell that’s happening, he’s not dating someone who tried to kill him and killed a bunch of innocent people just as part of some overly complicated revenge scheme that was literally never going to work, even if he does think Akechi deserves a second chance at a better life. Like, y’all are valid, but also sorry you’re wrong <3.

Send me a comfort character!

[acciocriativity]

Spark of Happiness II ||Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: You already went through a lot in your life, but while dating Draco the world you knew has changed dramatically and it seems like it couldn’t get any worse...

Word Count: 2,7k

A/N: I just discovered that tumblr has a limit of words per post, that’s why I had to make a part two of this when it wasn’t supposed to be that way but I hope you’ll like it anyway.

Part I

I found myself in a sort of tunnel between nothing and everything, my body was molded several times like a play dough but in the hands of the universe, the only solid thing I had was Draco's cold hand, which I held tighter to help me through the pain. I also lost my sense of time, it seemed like an eternity in there, it never had an end.

Until the moment I felt my feet touch the ground again and my legs gave out, if it wasn't for Draco I would have fallen. I could hear his voice but could not make out any sound coming out of his mouth for a few seconds.

"Draco, I'm fine...just a little dizzy”, I clutched the sleeve of his shirt and I could see the concern in his eyes.

Every corner meticulously tidied and cleaned, worthy of a family like the Malfoy's, the room was particularly dark and cold, as if no one really spent time there, the only thing that decoration passed to me was anguish.

His arms still firmly around my waist, his face analyzing mine carefully.

"Are you sure you're alright?", he asked softly and I just nodded my head slightly and leaned on his shoulder, closing my eyes a little.

I hadn't realized that we were still in the presence of his parents, who watched the scene with sharp eyes but soon disappeared inside the house.

We were silent until a loud noise next to us made me lift my head and moved away from Draco, it was just a house elf carrying our bags upstairs.

"We can pick it up later, let's at least get some breakfast. It's still early”, he held my hand and I understood the meaning in his words.

"If you're sure, that's fine by me", I didn't have the guts to speak in a normal tone, as if the house was being watched constantly.

He called out to the elf, who came running downstairs eager to please his master and immediately followed the order to prepare breakfast for us. I couldn't relax even if his presence helped me, I was wondering if we could escape so easily, if they would just leave us alone.

Throughout breakfast I was tense in my chair, we both were and it would only end when we got out of there at once and for all.

We left the dining room to get our things a minute after we finished breakfast, since neither Narcisa nor Lucius had shown up again, with luck we could leave without either of them noticing for quite some time.

"Narcisa, we need to ... oh Draco and ...who is that?", I took a deep breath having to contain my startle when caught in the act.

The woman didn't seem impressed and walked over to us with a strange smile on her face. I had a few seconds to absorb her features but it was possible to feel a bad aura coming from her.

"Aren't you going to answer me? I'd forgotten, has your age of bringing girls home already came?", the cynical, amused smile didn't leave her lips.

"It is none of your business Bellatrix, as you see, my mother is not here", his direct and even rude tone caught me off guard, I had never seen him talk like that before.

"Oh, how cute, you're showing your claws to defend your girlfriend but only because you're Narcisa's son, don't ever think you can speak in that tone with me."

Before she could say anything else, other voices erupted out of nowhere, more people began to appear, paying less attention to our presence as the room became more crowded.

"Ah, it's time.You have to leave little girl, my lord doesn't like intruders", she said lord with a glint in her eyes that made me sick.

"Come on, I'll take you outside...", he saw the opportunity and immediately took my hand so we could get out of there.

"This girl looks so much like you Avery", a male voice spoke and in a few seconds all eyes were on me, analyzing me from head to toe.

It didn't take me long to recognize this Avery guy, he had the most shocked expression among all the people there.

The same color hair was the most I could tell from the distance, we all stood in silence not knowing what to say.

"Did you really have a daughter, you bastard?", another man said before punching him lightly on the shoulder.

"It's impossible, my parents don't have that last name and neither do I. Excuse me...I shouldn't be here", I squeezed Draco's hand tighter and made my way through the death eaters.

My heart was beating so fast that I was afraid they would be able to hear but no one stopped us from leaving since we really shouldn't be there, or at least, not me.

How long would we have before you-know-who arrived? I couldn't think about it, as soon as we reached the door we started to run, and run and run some more until our feet hurt. There was no time to breathe, to think, to stop.

We needed to get to the city, we needed a fireplace, we needed to get to my house but how? No one around would be kind enough to help us, so we walked a long way until we were far enough to the point that no one would recognize Draco.

We end up in a simple part of town, the houses were smaller and further apart from each other and all were on the side of the road. Obviously we were exposed there and there was nowhere else to go, so we had to take our chance.

"Let's knock on one of the doors, we can't walk all the way to London", I said standing in front of a little white house with a large and well-kept garden. "Someone who takes such good care of plants can't be bad, right?"

"Let's hope we don't pick the only bad HufflePuff in history", he said and I might have laughed if my worry wasn't so real.

We walked side by side, taking our last steps before our legs gave out from exhaustion. "Be at home, please be home...", I crossed my fingers as soon as he knocked on the door.

The door was opened by a little blonde girl, she just stuck her head out the door to see who was there, she gave a little scream and closed the door hard as soon as she saw us. We looked at each other without understanding what the hell had happened until another voice was heard inside the house, this time a lady opened the door and held it open.

"I'm sorry, do you guys need help?", she didn't have to look us up and down to guess that, we were soaked.

"Yes we do, we need to get to my house but it is too far, perhaps you have a flu net in your house, Mrs?", I spoke up as Draco was making too much effort even to stand upright.

"Yes I do, come on in, you guys can sit for a bit too. You look like you ran a marathon", she made room and we could see inside the house.

The furniture made of wood was modest but beautiful, the living room was well decorated and the wallpapers went in shades of yellow and blue. Draco seemed more impressed than I was since I'm used to this style, but contrary to what anyone would imagine the expression on his face was not bad at any time.

"Your house is beautiful Mrs., we don't want to trespass on your kindness but could we get a glass of water?", his voice even huskier than usual rang through the walls of the house and I was truly surprised and somewhat proud of his attitude.

"Sure, I'll get it, you can sit on the couch. You guys need it", I didn't wait a second to sit down and for Merlin's sake, I could spend the rest of eternity there.

"Forget about everything, I never want to get up from here again", he said almost crying with happiness and I had to laugh, I laughed a lot.

"Sorry love but it's really funny, you have to admit", I said, still laughing softly when the lady came back with two glasses full of water.

We drank as if we had spent 40 days in the desert and my feeling was not so different from that.

"I can bring you another glass if you like. I just don't understand how two teenagers could have ended up in this condition...", she looked genuinely concerned, we were very lucky.

"We had a problem, a huge problem and we need to get home as soon as possible", he said with certainty in his voice but made no effort to actually get up.

"Thank you very much, ma'am, we can’t thank you enough for helping us", I said with a smile right after I stood up, even though my whole body contested this decision.

"It was a pleasure dear, I hope you get home well. The flu powder is by the fireplace, go ahead", she smiled gently and took a step to the side.

I went ahead while Draco still seemed to muster the courage to stand up. The stone fireplace was small, there was no way we could both go at once.

"Draco, do you remember the address I told you about?", I turned back to look at him and he was still in the same position but now massaging his own foot, "Draco? Will you hurry up? I'll guarantee you a massage from an expert after we're home," and as if they were the magic words, he was at my side ready to leave in a flash.

I took a deep breath and we could hear a giggle coming from behind the couch, only the girl's big, bright eyes were in view but as soon as she realized she was caught she went back into hiding.

"Goodbye madam and goodbye little one,"I took a handful of the powder and walked into the fireplace. "Don't forget the correct pronunciation", I said to the blonde before throwing the powder on the floor and speaking my address out loud.

The last thing I saw were two pairs of blue eyes staring at me before I disappeared and the first thing I saw when I got home were my clothes covered with scoot and the angry voices of my parents came soon enough.

"What's all this racket! Y/N, you should be at Hogwarts right now. Now you're breaking school rules?", my mother said as soon as she arrived in the living room.

She was wearing an apron over the comfortable clothes she wore indoors, then I noticed the delicious smell coming from the kitchen, it was already lunchtime.

Before I could reply, I was pushed forward and almost lost my balance and fell on the small coffee table.

"Honey, what's happening here? Y/n? Draco? Get out of there right now, why did you come home early?", my dad was more confused than angry and I was even more relieved that they were both okay.

Even though I had a lot of explaining to do, I could only run to hug them without caring that I was getting them or even the floor of the room dirty.

Too many emotions consumed me, I had put too many people I cared about in danger and now no one would be truly safe there.

"Don't worry about it, Dumbledore let us leave early for Christmas but so much has happened, I'm so sorry, we're not safe here", my tears flowed without me realizing it, slowly the despair and fear that I had held all this time was consuming me.

"Love, come sit down, we are all fine and whatever has happened, we will work it out. Draco, sit here too.You both look so pale", the woman's angry voice turned to a honey-sweet tone but if I had looked into her eyes, I could have seen the concern in them.

"I'll get some tea, you need to calm down and rest, then we'll talk about whatever happened on the way here", my father got up and hurried out of the room after my favorite tea.

My mom kept hugging me from the right side, her presence was always enough to bring me comfort. Draco had sat down on my left side and the first thing I did was to intertwine his hand in mine and squeeze it lightly, he did it back to reassure me.

The conversation was postponed until after lunch, since we were too hungry to wait and too dirty, according to my mother.

We both took a shower and Draco wore some of my father's clothes as they would fit perfectly, then we went to eat and afterwards, in a calmer mood, we explained what had happened.

The look of horror on my parents' faces had broken my heart, I never told them anything about this dark side of the Wizarding World, especially when I was so close to it all. I wanted to protect them but now I had no other choice.

"I'm sorry I got you into this situation Mr. and Mrs. Lewis, I can stay somewhere else, I can think of a plan and fix it", he said this several times but neither I nor my parents agreed.

"This is absurd, no matter what happens. You're here as part of the family, we'll figure it out if we have to move out of here", my father interrupted for the second time my boyfriend tried to apologize, even though it wasn't his fault.

The conversation didn't last long because we soon came to the conclusion that the best idea would be to send a letter to Dumbledore, explain what happened and ask for help because no other wizard in the world could be better.

"Rest for a while now, as soon as we get an answer we will call you", my mother said from the kitchen. I tried to help with the dishes but she insisted that we deserved a longer rest.

Then I took Draco to my room, I left the door open because it would be better not to leave room for complaints from my father.

The decoration of the room was in several shades of blue, which was always my favorite color, blue from the walls to my closet.

"Let's get some sleep, I'm sure from now on our life won't be easy but it will be better than it was before", I said and lay down on the bed, leaving enough room.

His body snuggled up next to me in silence but I could almost hear the amount of negative thoughts going through his head.

"Hey, you can stop that. We deserve to be a little hopeful and even more so, rest. So you can tell your little head to think about other things, okay?", I put my arm around him and felt him do the same to me, until we were face to face.

"How could you possibly know what I'm thinking? You're horrible with silent spells", he said with a sly smile that opened into a satisfied grin at the sight of my angry expression.

"First of all, I know you very well so of course I know about your pessimism and second, I'm going to have a lot of time to learn and it's not like you're great so shut up", I replied as he laughed but soon, I was the one laughing after he fell off the bed, "Oops, sorry, it was just a little accident”.

That was the first night that he had more than 5 hours of sleep because we were truly safe with Dumbledore's protection. Until Christmas we stayed at my house and we had more truly happy moments in a span of 3 days than in the whole year and all I wished for was more of that forever.

Harry Potter Masterlist

[leslie-red]

Dark Beauty chapter 8

Are you real ?

Beauty is a woman or a man , beauty is a aquatic creature , beauty is color blue , beauty is the sound of the rain . Everything is about beauty .

Silco feels her body move slightly against him and he lowers his head to look at her carefully. He sees in her eyes all her fatigue, and tries not to let her down, as if he was holding something fragile. She breathes more slowly and normally.

"I'm fine..." She whispers to him.  "I just..need some water please... ."

Silco doesn't wait and slowly tries to get her up. He doesn't let go for a second, though, feeling her sway. He would be ready to carry her but he sees that she regains some strength. My God, he doesn't want her to fall. He glued her to him, putting the blanket back on her shoulders.

"Bring a chair."  He gently orders no one in particular, but only Singed brings what is needed. Silco helps Leslie to sit down and puts a hand on her face, still pale and cold. Singed returns with a glass of water.

Sevika, Brut and the rest of the group are stunned by the image, to see Silco suddenly taking care of Leslie like the apple of his eyes. Leslie drinks slowly and Silco kneels down in front of her and gently caresses her cheek with his thumb, never leaving her sight. He admires this beauty and has always been aware of its existence but has never accepted it. Leslie struggles to speak, struggles to see, but feels this hand on her face that keeps her awake. She tries to focus on one person: Silco. Only him, in the moment, keeps her from falling asleep. That look... A new look. Until now he was cold, scornful, indifferent... This time she sees only love... If she dares to think this way. Why should she wonder why he saved her, why does he look at her that way? What is sure is that she is better. She feels calmer. No more pain. Just water and this tender gesture on her face. A gesture she hasn't received in years. Silco continues to caress her face and finally puts his other hand on her other cheek to look at her. To see the treasure that he has in front of him.

" You have to sleep...And nothing and nobody will wake you up. " He gives her a small smile, still feeling Leslie's face rather cold. Instinctively Leslie looks towards the basement. This amuses Silco enough. He strokes her hair and asks her:

"You really think you're going back in there ? "

"No." She murmurs and gives him a small mocking smile :

"You wouldn't dare send me back in there.

"Of course not. It's not your place anymore. Come on... "He gently stands up, taking her against him and helping her to her feet.

He takes her gently to her dormitory. He feels that she is getting cold again. He massages her arm strongly to warm her up.

Singed and Sevika remain side by side totally silent. They can't say a word about what is happening. In a few hours, everything has changed. Sevika feels frustrated, while Singed is worried...Even if the young woman is alive...Thanks to Silco.

"So what now ? "Brut asks totally lost. "What is he going to do to her ?"

"I dare not imagine..." Replies Sevika. "I don't feel it... A few hours ago he wanted to kill her, and now he's brooding over her? "Her arm hurts again but she tries to deal with the pain. "You saw what she did to me..."

"Yes Sevika...I know that...But you know that we don't question Silco's decisions. " Singed says softly. "I know it's...very strange...even confusing to see him act like this...but it's okay...he won't do anything to her.."

Sevika retorts, moving quickly towards the alchemist :

"That's not the point..."

"Sevika...Please...We are all exhausted...Calm down..Just calm down."

Silco opens the door to his dortir slowly letting Leslie in.

"Here we go... Come on, lie down." He tells her in the softest possible tone. A thunderstorm begins to brew. He slowly raises his head to the ceiling and hears raindrops.

Leslie looks at the bed for a moment...A single bed...A rather dark and blue dormitory..A bedside table and desk..With a syringe filled with purple shimmer. He notices that she is worried about the object and cautiously moves towards her taking the syringe:

"No, no, no. This is for me. Look.." He then shows her how he injects the shimmer into his infected eye in one quick shot. He feels the pain..But he is not alone anymore. She is there with him. It's best not to worry about her right now.

Leslie just looks at Silco, totally overwhelmed by him and tired, and gently takes the object in her hands, delicately touching Silco's hand.

"How long have you been using it ? " She asks in a small voice.

"Years... It keeps the infection from getting worse... I wouldn't risk losing my vision with it. "

Leslie gently raises her hand, trying to touch Silco's scarred side, but doesn't dare. He understands and smiles slightly, gently pushing her down onto the bed.

"Go ahead, it won't hurt. " She then gently touches that face for the first time, her hand trembling and it's like a revelation for her. This hard skin, damaged, wounded but so fragile, this face becomes so precious to her. The basis of everything. Of everything that happened to her, horrible and wonderful. The horror of seeing Jeff kidnapped, dying, the torture she endured, to be saved and feel her heart beat against the one who is responsible for it all.

Beautiful..He's beautiful.

" I don't see this kind of face every day..It's unimaginable..I'm not talking about..The scar..Or your eye..Everything about you Silco is unimaginable..And I can finally see it and touch it. "  Tears begin to well up in her eyes, a sign of fatigue and emotion.

"Close your eyes..." He puts his hands over her eyes to help her settle down. "Listen to me carefully. You're going to rest now, like I said, no one's going to wake you up. This is my place. "He moves closer to her face and whispers in her ear, "The door will be locked. But if you want to get out... you can open the lock... do you want to get out ? "

He hopes not. With all his heart, with all his soul, he wants her to stay.

"No, I don't. I'm staying here. This is my place too now. .... "Silco smiles softly . He sees that she is finally falling asleep peacefully.

"Sleep well, beautiful. He murmurs, gently caressing her hair and looking at her for a few more minutes.

He got up slowly so as not to wake her up and left the room, making sure to lock the door. As he walked down the hallway he saw Singed preoccupied.

"So ?"

"So she's fine. " Silco simply replies, "She's asleep."

Singed's insistent gaze annoyed him directly as they moved away from the door:

"Come on, would you rather we put her back in the cell ?

"Not at all but...Maybe I should examine her...Keep a good eye on her condition. "

For a second, Silco's instinct would have been to say no, he wanted to keep her for himself at all costs, not to let anyone touch her... But he tried to remain reasonable, thinking first of all of her condition.

"I had no choice but to give her the sedative...she would have been dead..." He says darkly as he looks out over the beautiful water view, something seems different...something is missing...but all he can think of is the young woman lying safely on her bed. "You didn't want her dead. "

"Of course not..But it was a risk..."

"I took that risk...I took that chance. And she's here... alive. And..I may have saved her, but she fought to the end. That's what I planned from the beginning. "

"Yes..." Singed finally smiled, looking at Silco, who stood straight up, hands behind his back. "You gave her that chance. "

Silco said nothing, his eyes fixed on the view, trying not to pay attention to all those hints and that annoying smile.

"But she did fight for you. She showed you that. "With that, Silco takes a deep breath, controlling his emotion.

That anyone would fight for him is beyond him. It's impossible.

"But she was amazing, wasn't she? "

Silco thinks about it and remembers all those days and nights when she was constantly fighting physically and psychologically until the last second, and he feels the most painful heat in his heart:

"She was. "He is so unaccustomed to feeling this way that he would like to remove this horrible sensation from his body. From his chest... From all those limbs.

"And what happens next ?  "Silco frowns and looks at Singed suspiciously:

"What do you mean ? "

"I'm examining her..Let's say she's okay...Maybe she'll want to go back.."

Silco approaches Singed dangerously, really annoyed by all this talk:

"She doesn't want to go back. Remember...she has no place to live. She refuses to be alone. Do you want her to leave? "

Singed knows what Silco is referring to, too, but he prefers to think of all the precautions.

"What I want doesn't matter. Especially to you. " Silco tilts his head mockingly, not denying this total evidence. "But think of Vander and maybe the enforcers..."

"No." Silco's tone was dry and sharp, his eyes filled with anger.

"They might want to find her..."  Silco continued to deny the possibility.

"They will have forgotten about her. " To his despair, Singed persisted:

"But if they try to find her, they might want to let you go free... alive."

"If they try to find her, I'll stop them. It's true that to be free... to aim higher with all the shimmer we have... to find my place was all I wanted... to find Vander. But things are changing. Beauty won't go away. "

For him it was simple and final, irrevocably. Beauty... It suits her so well.

"Yes...But be careful Silco. Life is hanging by a thread..." Silco closes his eyes again, wanting so badly for that damn scientist to shut up... Until he sees what has really changed...

The oldest of the creatures is no longer there. Singed noticed it too.

"He must have run away before he died... Something tells me... he was dead just when you saved her..."

Silco remains silent, hypnotized by this clear blue view where no creature passes.

"I'm tired..." He mumbles then wanting at all costs to go and find her. He is more upset than ever knowing that this creature is no more.

For Singed it is the cycle of life. For Silco it's a fight for life that eventually ends. Life... He wants to find life. For this... he returns to her. He gives a last look to Singed, something he rarely does. They are both rather saddened by the creature's disappearance. Silco loves and admires them as much as Singed does .

Leslie woke up slowly, hearing the rain, and everything came back to her mind immediately, and her first thought was of Silco. Her heart began to beat rapidly, thinking of him, remembering his existence. She clutched the blanket tightly to her...Yes she was in bed. He should come back at some point. It's going to be okay...the nights can be hard for her...but this time she'll hold on knowing that she's not alone. Other people are there... He is there. She hears those voices... Especially his own. She recognizes it immediately as if she has heard it all her life. Her nights...her waking hours are different now. She is no longer alone in her thoughts and emotions.

I'm fine..I'm fine ..

Silco goes back to his dormitory and lightly turns the key in the lock. He opens the door and hears the rain again. Everything is dark. But he sees a form lying on the bed. He gently closes the door and immediately feels another pain in his eye. To hell..He has to make sure she's okay. Even if it means sleeping on the floor. He approaches the bed not seeing her face but she breathes slowly. She's breathing slowly. He was about to get up when he felt a hand take him strongly on the forearm. He was surprised. She is awake.

" Leslie...what's wrong? " That's it. He calls her by her name, showing how much she means to him. Her eyes become darker, he can see that. . The black shimmer is having an effect on her, a psychological effect, and she is clutching his arm tighter and tighter.

"It's okay..easy.." He says in an amused tone.

"Are you real ? " She asks shakily, looking straight into his eyes as the shimmer begins to dissipate. Silco says nothing, staring at her worriedly, and she begins to pull him gently towards her. He settles against her, his chest behind her back and wraps his arms around her. Leslie clings to him, clutching his hands tightly, and immediately calms down, trying not to cry with emotion. He stares at her all night long...he can't sleep knowing she's against him...he admires the splendor. The boy was not wrong ....

Don't worry boy...I take good care of her...like you said she is worth it.

As much as Silco's presence reassures Leslie, her presence upsets him. To have someone in his arms like he's supposed to protect her...help her. He does so, resting his chin on her head and caressing her hands, assuring her that he is there.

Moon and rain accompanies them all night long.

A03 link

[codename-mango]

Clarice's Story - Season 2

I recently finished Clarice's canon route in Season 2, and I'm currently replaying Season 3 to give myself a refresher on Seb and nail down the details of Clarice's story in that Season. So this will have a Part 2, but I want to write out the decisions made that ultimately led to The Least Satisfying Ending of Season 2™, and the reasons behind them that are informed by her past and personality. I know I care more about this than literally anyone, but I'm doing it anyway. So let's get started!

Before the Villa

Raised by Ursula, a famous actress with Antisocial Personality Disorder. She was very loving to Clarice, but wanted her to grow a hard shell like she did.

Ursula gets a participation trophy in parenting for trying her best, but alas, Clarice has severe anxiety that she can't properly express.

Didn't have any friends before going on the show.

Clarice applied for the show with the hope of finding someone nice, though she had very low expectations. She expected all the girls (and fans) to hate her because she went in planning to be ruthless. She was very aware that her mother will be watching, and wanted to make her proud.

Day 1

Friendly to Hope right off the bat - No reason not to be, right?

"I need to look after Number 1." - Clarice isn't underhanded. She tries to be as honest as possible, and this is no exception. The girls need to know where she stands.

"I'm more the quiet and mysterious type." - Outside the Villa, Clarice is much more reserved due to her upbringing.

Picked Noah - He's handsome and doesn't try some cheesy line right off the bat.

Objected to Hope picking him immediately - First day and she's already been screwed over. Her pride is hurt, and she's not going to take this lying down.

Thought Bobby was nice, but there was blatantly no sparks there. He didn't even step forward. She gave him no illusions that she's interested, and flirted with Noah and the other boys at every opportunity. Prioritized grafting over making friends.

However, she welcomed Priya and condemned Lottie for being unnecessarily nasty.

Clarice didn't make any outright enemies except Hope for stealing Noah.

Participated in Lottie's celebration of the Moon - Strategically important to be civil with the girls of course

Day 2

Stayed friendly with Priya, and tried to be with Lottie

Confronted Priya for stealing Bobby - Yeah, she didn't like Bobby herself, but this was the second time she'd had her partner stolen. She was angry and embarrassed.

Day 3

Helped Hannah during breakfast and encouraged her to toughen up - This isn't Friend Island.

Told Rocco to pick her - It wasn't enough to steal Bobby back. She didn't even like him. But there was no chance of getting Noah back from Hope. Rocco was her real second choice on Day 1, and taking him helps her save face.

Told Hannah that Gary won't choose her - She thinks Hannah is totally naive, but has been friendly thus far and respected her couple.

Day 4

"If there's no spark, you've got problems."

Insisted Gary apologizes to Marisol

Grinded on Noah during the Slime Challenge - She's not sure if she's actually interested in him yet, or if she's just trying to piss off Hope.

Spoke up for Priya doing the same thing, and ignores Lottie

Tried to keep the peace between Lottie and Priya, and helps them resolve the issue - It's easier to live in the Villa without needless drama. Clarice's anxiety is hiked up enough as it is.

Day 5

Clarice went down to the pool alone to meet Lucas and Henrik - Why wouldn't she?

While she never cheated on Rocco, she did connect with Lucas like she never had with anyone before. She found him charming and kind and admired his humility despite his obviously posh background.

She definitely suspected Marisol and Rocco having a thing, but hoped he would talk to her about it before acting on it.

Day 6

Clarice was furious about Rocco kissing Marisol during the Kiss and Tell challenge.

She confronted Marisol afterwards, but wasn't aggressive about it. Marisol was by far the girl she's closest to in the Villa at that point. Despite feeling hurt, she wasn't about to ruin the start of a genuine friendship over a man.

Day 7

Worked with Lottie to ice out Rocco, but does agree to speak with him privately.

She was honest about why the girls were upset with him, and unleashed a bit of fury upon him.

Helped Noah win Mr. Love Island - She started to genuinely connect with him and found him very sweet, even though she thought his devotion to Hope was over the top and completely irrational.

Day 8

Extremely worried about the Mean Tweets challenge. She's had more than her fair share of Mean Tweets outside the Villa. She was worried how she came across to the public. She was even worried the producers would throw in one of her mother's.

Oh yeah, Ursula livetweets every episode.

If I had to include one of her tweets in the challenge, it would be:

"It's like Bobby isn't even trying"

She hated that Lucas went home. He was the one person besides Noah that she could see herself having feelings for.

Day 9

Confused by why Lottie wants to get with Gary, but doesn't say anything discouraging. Agrees to not pick him at the next recoupling.

Picked Noah to go on the date - They turn out to have great chemistry, and Clarice was even hopeful that she might be able to choose him at the recoupling.

Clarice fell back on picking Henrik after Hope chose Noah. She didn't see herself with any of the other OG guys.

Day 10

Clarice agreed to work with Priya on Operation Nope - She wanted to be with Noah, and this was the perfect opportunity to really crack on with him. Obviously she knew that Priya fancied him too, but may the best woman win, right?

She didn't tell anyone about ON.

She actually related to Hope acting snappy out of fear, but Hope's insistence on focusing on her rubbed Clarice the wrong way. She tried finding a common ground, and Hope ignored the gesture. She used that as (very poor) justification for...

Clarice kissed Noah. She knew they were having a moment, and went for it. She regretted it after he panicked and left.

Clarice dodged Chelsea's first hug - Why would she want a total stranger touching her without asking?? Though she sort of regrets it in hindsight, because of how close they are now.

"So he's just going to pretend he's innocent then?"

Day 11

She downplayed the severity of Lottie's kiss with Gary - "Hannah only knew him for 3 days." Besides, she's not a hypocrite who would condemn someone else for doing the same thing she did.

Said no to helping Bobby and Marisol resolve the conflicts in the Villa - She didn't trust herself to not make things worse. If things get better, then they'll get better on their own.

Brought Hope the hot chocolate - She knew she was one of the biggest reasons Hope was miserable. They didn't get along, but Clarice never did any of it to hurt Hope. That being said...

She refused to apologize - That's not the kind of woman Ursula raised. She needed to remind herself that she is her Number 1 priority.

Clarice barely interacted with Jakub. He was never her type.

She did apologize to Henrik. She had an obligation to communicate her feelings to him, and didn't. So she apologized. She told him that she fancied Noah and wanted to pursue him, and they broke up.

Bobby was the one to come comfort her and start grafting. She shut it down pretty quickly.

After Marisol asked about it, Clarice told the truth and that she wasn't interested in him. Marisol asked who she is interested in, and she told her Ibrahim just to put a stop to the conversation.

Day 12

Clarice eavesdropped on Noah's conversation with Priya. She was so excited that Noah said he had feelings for her, and that it was all worth it.

No secret of Clarice's was exposed during the Down in Dirt challenge. But if Henrik had opened hers despite her insistence not to, it would've read:

"Clarice was once escorted out of her own great-aunt's pub."

Clarice insisted Priya apologize and make peace with Hope, but refused to back down herself after it came out that Noah wanted to pick her.

"Priya stirring the pot and getting away with it. Can't say I disapprove."

Day 13

Clarice ate the whole cake. Canonically. I don't care, it's one of my favorite parts of the game.

Clarice coupled up with Noah at the Disaster Recoupling.

She was so excited to finally be coupled up with him. She savored every kiss and every touch. That was it for her.

Day 14

Said goodbye to Noah before sneaking off to Casa Amor

The only guy who caught her interest was Kassam, but he clearly wasn't interested, so she never acted on it.

Arjun was basically the leftovers from the other girls, and he seemed like he would be respectful of her space, so Clarice ended up with Arjun for the entirety of Casa Amor. (Even though he didn't give her nearly enough space for her liking.)

Day 15

Clarice didn't volunteer for any extra Villa vs. Villa challenges.

Clarice insisted on remaining loyal to Noah throughout CA.

She enjoyed getting closer to the girls, but was otherwise very reserved.

Day 16

Clarice indulged in Lottie's tea reading, but refused to believe it.

Clarice was shocked by the video the girls received, but still refused to believe Noah would go and sleep with another girl. He wouldn't do that to Hope, and he wouldn't do that to her.

She tried to comfort Hope the rest of the time there. Hope was obviously still upset about the Disaster Recoupling, but she appreciated that Clarice had remained loyal during CA.

Day 17

Clarice spent breakfast with Kassam. She really enjoyed it.

Clarice stuck with Noah.

Day 18

Obviously, Clarice was hurt by Noah bringing back Blake.

Ursula had this to say about Blake's "trying so hard" comment:

"The cheek of this one. Good luck with your career after this, babe."

Looking back, she regards it as karma. Something she deserved.

She didn't really know how to handle it. She kept her distance from Blake as much as possible.

Agreed with Shannon that you get what you deserve in the Villa - She thinks about this conversation often, especially after how she finished the season.

Helped the girls figure out what happened while they were away, and sort of regretted it after...

Noah went back to Hope. Clarice's grievances were ignored and criticized. She was frustrated and hurt.

Clarice saved Elijah from the dumping. She thought maybe she could start to move on from Noah with him.

She said goodbye to Priya, and sort of hated Bobby for letting her be sent home.

She had her first anxiety attack at the Villa that night. Gary and Chelsea were the only ones who knew about it, because they were the ones who stayed up with her until she calmed down.

Day 19

Confided in Chelsea and Shannon that she wished she could've been with Noah

Rather than Shannon teaching her how to read body language, Clarice challenged her to another game of 2 Truths 1 Lie, claiming Ursula raised a perfect liar. (She lost. But Shannon said she should try poker.)

Day 20

Scrambled eggs! It was the only kind Ursula could ever make.

Clarice was nervous about the arrival of Elisa and Jo. Although Jo seemed friendly enough, and Elisa was someone she briefly worked with before.

Didn't agree to talk to Ibrahim for Shannon after the double dates - Shannon needed to talk to him herself. And if he lies, why waste your time with him?

Insisted that Jo be given some space; Defended Chelsea while disagreeing with her actions

Day 21

Had to take multiple breaks from the girls day out - Good lord the fighting was exhausting and nerve-wracking

Helped Hope untangle the mess

Laughed out loud when Jo called her a people pleaser - "I might just be adopted then!"

"A people pleaser! Good on you, love!"

Legitimately almost cried when Chelsea called her amazing??? And when Hope praised her for taking the high road??? She might actually be a good person????

Got the girls to all make up

Cooked 🌟creamy garlic pasta🌟 for the group with Elijah

Started thinking she might have a chance with Noah again

Day 22

Asked Elijah to choose her at the Recoupling - Gave no promises that they'd be the next epic love story

Pining for Noah...

Day 23

Agreed to help Rahim ask Jo to be his girlfriend - Mainly for Noah's sake, because they're best friends

Went shopping with Elijah - Got Jo's nachos, chocolate, and blanked Elijah's flirtations

First pillow fort!

Grinded on Noah's lap during the Heartrate Challenge, then went to Elijah

Went to bed early

Day 24

Excited and relieved to have Lucas back!

Hugged Hannah upon her arrival - Overall, she was proud of Hannah for coming back more willing to get what she wanted.

Named the spider Todd

Reassured Lottie about Hannah

Clarice reassured Elijah after her date, but went up to the terrace and kissed Lucas.

Later at the party, she went back and slept with him. - After he came back, she thought maybe she was finally over Noah. She can be with Lucas and finally be happy in a couple. And she definitely rushed it.

Day 25

She told Elijah everything, and she felt horrible that he was more into her than she was into him.

Confessed to the girls after

Obviously bombed the Happily Ever After challenge

Clarice was left to couple up with Lucas.

Day 26

She was noticeably distant from Lucas - She wrote it off as guilt for cheating with him, though she was still happy to be coupled up with him.

Lottie's snide comments about her cheating made her distance herself from Lottie too.

Became Bra Sisters with Chelsea! And made up a handshake!

Lost the Couple Trouble challenge, so she and Lucas didn't go on the date in the Hideaway

Talking to Gary about his body image and therapy inspired her to go to therapy herself once the show was over. She really related to him when he said this:

Helped Marisol pack - Marisol was still one of her closest friends in the Villa. And she honestly thought it should've been her and Lucas going home.

Day 27

Babies? P A N I C M O D E!!

Clarice does want kids in the future, but doesn't trust herself to not fuck them up.

Very irritated by Lucas's refusal to help with the baby. It stressed her out more than it really needed to, so their unsteady relationship took a hit.

The beach break was a relief. And by the end of it, she was really happy to have made actual friends on the show.

Sent Ibrahim and Jo home - Sure, they're a better couple, but Chelsea is her emotional support bra!

Day 28

Finally got to talk to her mother. She "praised" Clarice for not letting "peer pressure" stop her from getting the guy she really wanted. (It was really a reminder that she still doesn't have him, and she should still go for him. However, what Ursula called peer pressure is what most people consider respecting relationship boundaries.)

Felt awkward talking to Lucas's family

Said no to being his girlfriend at the Final Date - They hadn't been together long enough, and his text conversation with Ursula was fine, but cryptic.

Privately relieved that Noah hadn't asked Hope to be his girlfriend yet

Day 29

Dress shopping was... An experience. She's definitely not unfamiliar with formal wear, but she spent a long time deciding who she should dress for. She ultimately chose a dress she knew Lucas would like.

Hopeless at dancing. She never got any of the steps right.

She tried to be as lighthearted with the speech as possible - She has a hard time opening up, and really, there wasn't many deep feelings to express for him.

Jumped in the pool

Sent Hannah and Elijah home - It was a tough decision, and it came down to Lottie and Gary's relationship being stronger.

Went up to the terrace with Noah, but she decided she was done with him leading her on, struggling to make a decision. She ended it once and for all, as opposed to sleeping with him.

Day 30

Still reeling from the night before

Helped Chelsea make breakfast - She told Chelsea that she wasn't feeling confident in her couple and their chance of winning.

Clarice and Lucas made it all the way to the end, but Noah and Hope won Love Island.

Lucas acted happy to be with Clarice until they went back to the Villa for the After Party. Then, he dumped her. - Clarice was furious, but she felt as though she absolutely deserved it.

Noah decided it would be best if they stayed away from each other.

Clarice told Hannah about what Lucas did, and Hannah promised to give him hell. That solidified their friendship for after the show.

Clarice pulled Chelsea aside, Chelsea nicked a bottle of champagne for them, and confessed everything to her. Her thing with Noah, his lingering looks, the terrace, Lucas acting for the cameras, everything.

Clarice went home with her mother. And cried almost the entire way to the airport.

After the Villa

She faced backlash for her actions in the Villa, but the Islanders she befriended came to her defense.

She had a long talk with Hope after everyone had a chance to watch the season back. It was a miracle Hope and Noah won, considering how much of his time with Clarice had been included in episodes. Hope broke up with him shortly after, and she and Clarice started to repair what they could. They agreed that they absolutely would've been friends if Clarice had made different choices. But for now, they're just being civil.

Ursula apologized for all the biting remarks about people in the Villa, except Noah and Lucas.

Clarice managed to keep her from running a full on smear campaign against them.

Clarice started therapy, and even got anti-anxiety medication.

The producers of Love Island offered her a second chance.

[itshesdimples]

-Hello to anyone reading. This is my first time writing something and putting it out for the world to see. That being said, I would love any constructive criticism you have to give me. Thank you for any support you may give me, I cant thank you enough xoxo ~H - 

I remember the day as if it were yesterday; the day you crossed the unimaginable line. 

I thought we had everything, I thought I was your everything. 

2 MONTHS AGO

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

You were a little worried, seeing as you two had been together for a little over nine months and it was extremely rewarding. The time apart has always been different to the other relationships she had been in the past but with Harry it seemed like more than she had ever received from the previous men. 

As a surgical intern you work countless hours and never really get more than a few hours to yourself, so when you met Harry you really never saw it going anywhere. You were just too happy for your own good, openly expressing your life to perfect strangers and expecting them all to be accepting of who you are.

* 9 MONTHS AGO* 

The hospital you worked at allotted 80 hours a work week and as hopeful as you may be feeling, there is a little voice in the back of your head telling you not to go bar hopping. "Just one drink and then water." you emphasize to your good friend Mike, the bartender. 

"Vodka soda coming right up, Dr. Demanding." He chuckles. You turn around in the chair and stare at all the fellow drunks, looking for your intern comrades who should be here by now. 

Although you dont find your friends, you spot a very handsome, familiar face coming toward you. Admiring the face across from you, you decide to take the first step following by the downing of your vodka soda. " You dont seem to be familiar with the very famous bar here in town so you must not be from around here," you tease, holding out your hand to shake. "I'm [Y/N]. Not to sound weird but have we met before?" You get a very bold feeling of deja vu but laugh it off. "I'm sorry, my friends are supposed to be here by now and I'm socially handicapped, sometimes I dont know when to stop talking." Now you're just rambling at the breathtaking man in front of you and feeling red in the cheeks. 

"Its alright love, I sometimes feel socially handicapped around exquisite women such as yourself. Actually, that sounded like you're one of hundreds but I-- what I meant to say was that, you seem a little lonely. Can I buy you a drink?" He rambles, tugging at his jacket. 

"I am only allowed one drink, I know it sounds weird but I'm on a ticking time bomb, you see this?" You pull out your pager, "any moment this thing will go off and I have to skip back to work like a dreamy little school girl but inside I am dying of starvation, need a beer and twenty hours sleep." You just keep spitting up word vomit and your face is permanently pink but you just cant stop because what if it gets quiet? Now that's when it gets awkward.

"I don't think we have ever met because I'd remember you" Harry confirms, looking you up and down your shapely body. "What do you do for a living that has you on such a tight leash?" Taking a sip of his beer, he stands up and walks next to the chair you're sitting in. 

"Surgical intern, Dr. [Y/L/N] at your service, sir." You cant help but crack a little bit of the tension you have building up in your stomach while talking to him but that doesn't stop you from staring him in the eyes and trying your best to flirt. 

The aura around him is too intoxicating, too much to handle without trying to add a little humor in the mix. "I like it when you call me sir, Dr. [Y/L/N] but how long have you been a doctor? I'd love to get to know you before you have to leave me." He articulates, trying to captivate her attention.

"I love my job but it has been a long winded road, it feels like years but I've only been a real doctor for a little over two months. It takes a lot out of me but that is why I'm glad I have two great friends who I can lean on. We keep each other afloat and they're also my roommates. I don't know where I would be without them." All of that poured out of my mouth before I had the chance to cork it but I couldn't help telling him something about myself that was at least surface level.

He just seems like an eerie case of the best illusion I've ever seen. I cant help but shake the feeling that I've known him all my life, like telling him the ins-and-outs of my life wouldn't be detrimental to my health. 

"Now tell me something about yourself. For starters maybe your name? I've never seen you here before and I'm here all the time so I'm pretty good at knowing who is an out of towner, and I don't know how much time I have left." You're trying to get to know him and that is so unlike you. Having had boyfriends in the past, you were never the one asking the questions or wanting to get to know them more than a few dates and drinks. The longest relationship you have ever had was two months and you two went to high school together. 

"Hi I'm Harry, and I don't know how much longer I get to sit next to you so please can I have your number, sunshine? I would love to take you for dinner sometime soon." Harry is going out on a whim asking for your phone number but keeps going, "From what I have gathered you are a very busy woman and I admire that, love it even. I know this sounds crazy but I feel like I know you already and I have never felt that with another person so please give me a chance, I will work around your schedule. I dont care what it--" he is stopped when your pager goes off as an emergent patient being admitted, all hands on deck you assume. 

"Sunshine, huh? I like it." You wink at him and ask Mike for a pen so you can scrawl your number on a napkin and thank Harry for a very pleasant chat. It was good to know that he felt for you, as you did him after just meeting the man, and his nickname for you was adorable. 

For the next two weekends you spent getting to know Harry on a personal note. He told you he loved writing music, performing and was already an amazing talent. Harry showed you his latest music and you wondered how you hadn't connected the dots sooner. You knew he was a very private person, as he told you on your first date. 

(FLASHBACK)

"I'd love to get to know your friends, and see what kind of person you are. I can't wait to know you but I just want you to know that I can't have a lot of people knowing what is going on in my personal life." He sighs, you two sat down at dinner and he couldn't help but spit out what he wanted to tell you when you first met. "I don't want to sound pretentious or come off as someone who cares about his appearance to others but I have to tell you that I make music for a living and have quite the lot of fans. Screaming fans to be exact, " he chortles, asking the waiter for a bottle of wine to start off, "but I can't help but love them all. They made my career but I have to remain a private person. I adore my fans but they are very protective and I don't want our relationship to struggle because of a few of them saying unkind things." He grabs your hand and looks you in the eyes, trying to make you understand the reason for privacy.

"I've never met anyone like you Harry and I meet a lot of people on the regular. You have this way about you that draws me in and I want to get to know you. If that means that I cannot post my gushing about you on social media, so be it. I really like you and would like to know who you are." You declare, hoping he understands that he as a person means more than everyone understanding her lifestyle choices. 

(END OF FLASHBACK) 

Tonight was the night you knew you wanted to understand him on an even more personal level. You knew that the way you felt for him wasn't a normal crush, wasn't even a normal type of love. You knew he had the power to hurt you if he wished to do so but that was so far in the back of your mind. He meant so much to you already that it didn't matter you two were keeping your relationship a secret from most of the world, apart from a select few. It was the best date of them all, Harry cooked you and your best friends dinner so when you got off work, dinner was on the table. He was always so thoughtful of your needs and you thought it was the time to prioritize his.

"Take me to bed Harry." You whimper, "I want you." 

*7 MONTHS LATER* 

Things were hectic in your life but that was the way they always were but now it seemed like days stretched past 24 hours and turned into a marathon sprint that never ended. 

The day Harry unmistakably broke you was the day that sleep had everything on you. Going for days on end was something you were accustomed to but after he cut you deeper than you could ever be, sleep seemed to be your only friend. 

You thought you knew him better than anyone. He was your Harry, your everything, even your person maybe? 

But when his decision to take his career to the next step interfered in your relationship, your life; that was the day to call it quits no matter the devastation. He may have been your soulmate but maybe, just maybe it wasn't right. The timing, the place of it all was just too much. Your life just didn't have room for much else, especially someone who was willing to hurt you unimaginably and not walk away in order to lessen the blow. 

*2 WEEKS BEFORE THE INEVITABLE *

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

That was two hours ago and within those two hours you knew it was best to stay off your phone. You keep telling yourself to not look for anything leading you to clues about his voice mail. It wasn't like him to express his feelings over the phone, he was an in person 'declare-my-love-for-you' type of man so when you listened to it you thought it was best to stay off your phone. 

Trailing off to the shower in pursuit of getting to work, you hear your phone's inescapable shrill from your bedroom and decide to opt away from contact to that thing. 

As soon as you leave for work is when your heart stops, skips a few beats and then plummets into your stomach. 

"Harry Styles in a relationship with Camille Rowe? That is the best thing I have heard all week. The star tells us that they met months ago and kept it a secret in order to get to know each other. We cant wait for updates on their relationship. Now on to the juic--" That's all you can hear for the rest of the day, ringing in your mind like it is an announcement on the P.A. at work for all to hear. 

You knew that was the end of everything. Devastation didn't even hit the mark, it was like everything in the world was on fast forward and you were still trying to get through the commercials. Nothing made sense any more, the glass was no longer half full. It was completely drained and then smashed on the ground into a million little pieces. That was how her whole body felt, like it was just shattered on the ground, irreparable. 

The damage was done and there was nothing holding you back from wailing like a siren in front of all of the patients waiting for surgery, but your best friends always had your back. Making sure you eat during lunch and taking you to the bar at the end of your shift so you can drink the bottle dry. 

Just shy of a half hour sitting at the bar was when you were cut-off by Harry running into the bar rambling about how he thought they were spinning the tabloids another way. 

"I thought they were going to report that we just met and were already dating, I would have never let them ruin what we had by saying I knew her while you and I were together. I told them exactly what to say! I don't even know her, we just met." He jumbles his sentences trying to get hold of his clear message. 

You stand up from your seated position and start motioning for him to join you outside. Once out there, you decide what is best moving forward. 

"While we were together?" You scoff, trying to be as civil as can be under your obvious exhaustion, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

"At least you said something truthful in the last two minutes you decided to interrupt my break. Yes, you and I are no longer together. Honestly we should have never started something, our careers couldn't be more opposite and honestly I cannot afford to ruin my career over someone who wants to build his on lies. So thank you for what we had but from now on I would like to move forward, away from you." You keep talking in order to get your point across, hoping that when all is said and done there will be closure on both ends. 

You know that Harry does care for you but in these last twenty four hours you've learned is that maybe you can't have it all. Maybe happily-ever-afters are only for the imagination. 

Maybe life throws things at you so you can overcome them but there are times like these when she wonders what the message is supposed to be? 

Is there a message? 

That you can have one person in your life that should be your forever but just cant fit in there? 

"I know we never said it but I do love you, I think I always will but we can't make it fit. The time we spent together was great and I hope there is a lesson in there somewhere. I can only believe that closure is what we need now." She grabs on to his shoulder and goes in for a hug to end the conversation but he pulls back,"How could you think that we need closure? What we need is each other. I need you, in my life with me forever. You are always going to be the only one for me, I just know it." He grabs on to her and holds for dear life, hoping that he can convey her to stick it out for them both. 

"I know what I'm feeling is selfish because I never want to hurt you but my career is part of my life and I can't run away from who I am but I want you in my life, always. I will never stop loving you." Harry pulls away and looks in her eyes with tears in his," I cannot fathom a life without my sunshine. Maybe the timing is wrong but cant we make it right?" 

[Y/N] pulls away, trying to compose herself and make the most rational decision. She needs to think about her life and what she needs, not anyone else. "Harry Styles, while being with you was the best rollercoaster ride of my life, and if I could stay on forever I would do so; I have to get off. I need to pull away for the sake of my head and heart. Being with you makes me happy but when it interferes with my work, which is saving lives, I have to be on one hundred percent all the time. You have clouded my thoughts and judgement, and while being a star is part of who you are, being a doctor is me so I cannot give up who I am. Sometimes maybe love isn't enough?" By this point you can't hold back the sobs you have held in since you knew the inevitable truth and holding them back would be foolish, so you let them come. 

Harry tries to grab onto you with the little strength he has left from crying and lack of sleep. "I cannot let you get away. You are my everything! I canno--" he tries to catch his breath in between the racks of his heart," please, please do not leave me [Y/N]. We can make this work. I love you and that is enough, it is enough for me. Please." Harry whispers the last part, crouching in front of you and trying to hold you to him. 

"It isn't enough for the both of us Harry, and you know it." You're trying to hold back until you can be alone. All you want is to crawl in bed and become dead to the world because that's how you feel right about now. " I will always love you and maybe one day that love will be enough but right now I just don't see how that is possible Harry. I can't rationalize what is happening in our relationship and tell you that we will make it through it. The best thing to do is cut our ties before we start to resent each other." You take one last breath, looking at your friends inside the bar. You signal to them that you're leaving, and say the one thing that you know will hurt the most. 

"I can't try anymore to be with you so this is my goodbye. I wish you the best Harry, I really do." In the middle of all this you had a death grip on his hands but now is the time to walk away from one of the best things to happen to you. As gut wrenching as it is, the best thing for the both of them was to move on. Worry about the time in their career when it is at the peak so as hurtful as it is, she knows that she is doing what's best. 

You pull away from his grasp, looking down at him kneeling on the ground and kiss his forehead. "I love you." You whisper through tears. 

All you can hear behind you is wails of sirens, drunk people cheering on the football game inside but the one thing that is the loudest is Harry's cries. As soon as you walk away you break down into a blubbering mess. Your friends catch up after you, while looking at the mess you and Harry made behind. You can hear Harry's cries of desperation and the only thing your heart is telling you to do is 'go back, go back to him' but you know it's not logical. 

If it is meant to be you will make it work at a better time. Things will come together and make sense one day but not when her mind is a fuzzy mess. Maybe weeks, months or years later she will understand what it means to have love be enough. It has to mean something right? 

Good byes may hurt but sometimes they are unsurpassable. Sometimes they come barreling into your life totally unexpected and ruin something you thought could be forever. 

[littlelightingstriker]

Disclaimer: this post is not made to cause anger or to insult the Serbian government, it is simply made to report on the news what has been going this past days. Some of the information might be to strong, so please read on your own risk. People who are mention in this story will remain anonymous for their own safety.

#Serbia now:

On the 7th of July,2020, president Vučić announced that Belgrade will be closed and have a curfew between Friday and Monday and that more than five people should not be in the same space together. He talked about a lot of things like how many people are being tested, the possible 'lies' the government has been saying, Novi Pazar, a city located in south-west Serbia, who is in a critical situation because of COVID-19, respirators and many more. He talked about how people need to understand that this virus in not a joke in any possible way and people need to take more action and protect themselves and their family. The problem is half of the population does not believe the virus is either real or that it does not have the affect to enter the human body that fast. People are confused and keep asking the same question that nobody can answer. When he announced the possibility that people will have to stay the whole weekend in their homes, many people were frustrated with the decision and did not want to take his words for real. At the evening, massive numbers of people gathered at the National Assembly and started protesting. The protesting was not in anyway ' peaceful ' but ended being a disappointing vandalism.

Three cars and a police van were on fire. The damage was immediately posted. Hundreds of thousands of dinars are worth of damage.

Torches, tear gas, oysters and glass bottles were being thrown between the protesters and police.

Many people were injured and many police man were hurt. "It was a disaster. We tried stopping them but there were to many." said one policeman.

One of the protesters wanted to break in the National Assembly but were thrown out by the police.

Two men stopped an ambulance that was driving to the hospital with rotations. The two men were punished for their actions and many were disappointed with them.

Protesters DID NOT WANT any politician to join them and act like they care for citizens' rights.

Ana Brnabić was disappointed to see citizens' of Belgrade acting like 'h**li**ns'.

Kosovo was/is also another reason why people turned against Vučić.

Vučić was in the National Assembly but quickly evacuated with the situation going around.

A video of three men being hit and be*ten by the police after rejecting to leave the park was filmed and posted on different sites. The three men were laying on the ground in pain as the police left them.

A man, lost his father due to COVID 19 and blamed the government for lying about having enough respirators. He claimed his father was not given the treatment that was promised and was one of the most critical patient (and many other) in Belgrade. "This is for you, dad. I know you are watching and you are proud. I love you,dad. This is for you!" Said the man. After this video resurfaced the internet, everyone was angry that president Vučić lied about 'having enough respirators' and many left comments that they were not surprised and what a disappointment this country is for believing the words that come from the television.

Protesters are being accused of spreading COVID 19.

97% had masks but still did not distance.

Lockdown will be decided by the crisis staff.

The 8th and 9th of July,2020:

President Vučić has decided he will NOT make the decision about Belgrade. He admitted he has no right to make a decision he isn't to sure how to control.

Many faces were supporting the protest and they were not citizens' of Serbia. -Vučić.

Criminals were mention that they were the ones who were 'trashing' Belgrade.

COVID 19 has no connection with voting, football games etc.

Vučić kept bringing people down while making his people 'world leaders' and 'only hopes for Serbia'.

05.10.2000. is a wish protesters want to come true. ( The fall of Milošević)

Vučić is in shock why people keep bringing his country down while he is doing everything to make it 'grow'.

There will be rules for Belgrade no matter what.

Novi Sad, Niš, Kragujevac also started protesting.

Tonight (9th July.) protesters are peacefuly protesting and tend to keep it that way.

Politicians are calling out h**li*ga*ns and cri**na** after 'destroying Belgrade' and doing vandalism 'on purpose'.

Many people are angry that Belgrade is being in the situation where it's not safe anymore and being trashed by some idiots who don't even live there or came from a different city. They are accused of 'pretending to be Belgraders'. It is proven that they are more than 80% Belgraders in the world then in the own city. Belgrade is composed from all citizens' across Serbia.

Students are protesting after being told they have to leave their dorms for the third time because they need to be prepared for COVID 19 patients. "We don't feel safe. We want our rights!".

Protesters are being called out for fighting for their rights.

Politicians are calling protesters 'criminal slaves' for wanting to remove Vučić.

"We aren't allowed to stand for our rights. They tend to keep us locked when we thought everything is going undercontrol. They are playing for our rights. I lost my friend because she was told to stay home even though she had other medical problems. Instead of celebrating her birthday, I was mourning her name and crying. He (Vučić) doesn't care about us, he just wants the money. He has it. He is building Belgrade on Dunabe and he still thinks we care about some stupid project. How are we not going to protest? I do not like and I am against harmful and disgusting behaviour some people showed the first day and even now, but we can't just stand here and pretend everything is okay. He stole votes and as soon as he secured his seat, this country got even worse. How are we suppose to live here? How can we try and stay positive after everything he has done. My family lives in Kosovo. He gave it. He just sold that land like nothing. He doesn't care about people. He acts like a human but even the facade can't cover his personality. No one can look up to us and that's okay. We don't want '99 again. We want peace. We all want, all of us, we want to breath not to feel pressured. We tell our kids to get the hell away from this country and to never look back. There is no future here. We all know that. He always breaks his promises. Kids grow up and become adults, what children is he talking about?! Where is their future if he is only building Belgrade? What about the South? East? West? Where are their rights?! We are all equal and we all deserve so much more. We have to pray and hope for the best, but in this life we are always going to be left down. " a woman gave her thoughts about protesting.

Other reason's why people want to dismiss Vučić:

He promised everyone 100 Euros when COVID 19 became serious in Serbia. He realised his mistake and ended up giving the money to retired people and people with special needs. Other had to register. He went from helping to you have to do this so I don't embarrass myself.

People were paid to come and cheer for Vučić when he would give speeches.

He lied about the respirators.

People believe that the number of positive patients fell just so that elections could happen.

After elections, Serbia became the worst in numbers of positive cases.

Before elections 50-94 cases, 10-20 respirator patients, almost everyone is cured, Serbia is almost done with COVID 19.

After elections 300+ cases, 120-130 respirator patients, 1000+ in hospitals, 1000+ in isolation, Serbia the most critical on Balkan.

He knew Novi Pazar was going to blow up. He did not do anything.

Belgrade hospitals do not have respirators.

Belgrade has a population of 1 million residents and yet doesn't have the medical needs.

He doesn't have a full government. What kind of country is Serbia then?!

Something that cannot be answered:

Why do people who die from other reasons are COVID 19 victims?

How come the number of cases grew?

Did the government lied all this time?

Was professor Kon right all this time?

Why are people not in hospitals if positive?

How to isolate if you do not have your own bathroom and kitchen?

Why are there no punishments for not wearing a mask?

Is there really a vaccine?

Is the virus real? Is it possible to make it disappear?

Opinion:

Vandalism is not the answer. People have every right to judge Vučić. He is not that bad, but he is not a sweetheart either. Luckily people are peacefully protesting and want to learn to have manners. The police is trying everything to not fight the protesters. Punishing other people for the damage is not right. Being called disgusting names from politicians needs to STOP! We are all people with a heart, we say and do things we should not but that is not the point. Being called a cri**na* is disgusting. Everyone is frustrated with the virus going on but we have to be reasonable. If you are someone who lost a loved one due to COVID 19, my heart goes for you and everyone you love and care about. This is a scary year. It's breaking my heart so many people died not only because of COVID 19. The virus is not the main problem here. People are. This going on in Belgrade is eye opening. It shows people want a break. They want freedom. They want, like every other country, to feel safe. I totally understand the point of view from some people. I ,too, also know there is no future in Serbia until someone really comes and actually cares for people. If territory and fake promises are more relevant then a person breathing, my God save us.

Comment's about Vučić

We are a small country and we never were known for good things, but honestly, how can we have that if we don't have a leader?

Lies and lies. Breaking promises. Being disgusted with people that don't like your way of ''handling" a country. Manipulate people and bringing them down. Having politicians spit on your people?

Is that a joke or is Vučić going to take this seriously.

Kosovo is more important than people?

How cruel do you have to be?

How disgusting that sounds.

We are told people are dying for God's sake and yet you talk for 2 hours and that is it.

Tito is rolling in his grave.

Liar!

Why does anyone expect something good from Vučić?

Oh Serbia, poor little Serbia.

- comments from different sources.

For more information of these protests, feel free to look them up. I gave my personal opinion and I missed a lot of information about this protests but I shared the ones that needed to be put here.

If you are someone from Serbia, feel free to speak and to be free. If you wanted a change and did not get it, either run or keep blessing this country. You deserve much more. You'll get past everything. Keep running. Fight peacefully. Be normal and be mature. I wish everyone so much and pray everyday we get some peace and actually feel like people.

Don't look up to politicians. Nušić told us everything we need to know.

Be safe while protesting! Keep yourself safe and don't let a politician ruin your life. Bring back the rights and the light we all need.

Bring Serbia where she should be.

Not underneath.

[furygeneral]

A real man can't stand seeing his woman hurt. He is careful with his decisions and actions so he never has to be responsible for her pain.

[lunarkat87]

It's been so long since I posted to this blog. I guess I stopped when I lost touch with my best friend who was like a sister. I've been wishing I could talk to her for guidance for so long, but I had to let her go for myself. She was attempting to push a guy on me when I wasn't ready, and purely so I would have a reason to move back to our hometown. Didn't she remember how bad that place was for me? I was homeless for nearly 4 years, bouncing between places, never secure, just surviving. Every time we talked I could feel my energy depleting, but she was my best friend, so why would I leave her? She was getting married, so naturally she was focused a lot on that, and I was meant to be her maid of honor. And as the MOH, it was my job to stand up for the bride, and to get the bridal party in order. So when I saw how much they kept hurting her, and how she was more sad about her experience as a bride than happy, I stepped up to the plate. Me, the girl terrified of her own shadow on some days. But I did it, and she called me her only friend, and her other bridesmaids did not like it, so they ran to her.... and she called me a bully. It was in that moment that my heart was broken, that she could think I had bullied people into something. She was ultimately my soul mate, we were meant to be in each others lives... and suddenly I was reduced to this one word. And all the pain, all the hurt I had over the years preceding this came pouring out, how she guilt tripped me, how I needed her and she wasn't there, how just because it wasnt what she wanted to do she didn't stick to plans with me. How she blew me off time and again, and how she stopped seeing me and I always had to travel to see her. And it was done. And what broke my heart more was the relief that I felt after I sent her an email. I loved her, so why would I be relieved? But as I write this today, I wish I could talk to her. Because she was and has always only ever been, the person that understood me. Who understood my heart, my mind, my emotions. Who helped me heal from my ex-fiancé that cheated on me. On the days I felt like giving up, and not being able to see through the blinding pain she was there to support me. She sent me quotes, she texted me every day, she made sure I was okay. And she always knew deep down I wasn't, and she was okay with that. She didn't expect or need me to be. And I wish I could have her now, because as I write this that fragile heart that I had finally fixed, has broken and shattered all over again.

You see, I met a guy. It had been 2 years, and I was ready to open myself to the idea of love again, especially because I realized I did not love my ex anymore, nor had I for a long time. I had tried dating in between those years, but it never felt right, or like I was ready. But after spending time on my own and feeling empowered, I downloaded a dating app. But it wasn't long before I began to dislike it, I don't like judging based off of pictures, and only a few words. I was feeling discouraged, maybe I wasn't ready... but then the app pinged for someone they thought I might like. I saw him and thought, wow he is handsome, he has a smile that I could melt from, and.... was that a racoon on his head?? I had to know, and so I hoped he would respond. And there began my downfall, because he did.

We spent an entire week texting, and I found myself eager and smiling at my phone. I was actually excited, and couldn't wait to meet him in person. We even came up with nicknames... he was Cinna-Ron because he asked me if I thought he was as sweet as a cinnamon roll... and he was, but even more so. My heart pounded as I waited to meet at the boba shop where he would pick me up for our date. And when he finally arrived, he was even more amazing in person. And he brought me burgundy colored carnations, it was that moment I knew I'd love those flowers forever. He opened my door for me and was a true gentleman, and when he leaned in to kiss me, I felt the world slow and my heart stop. All I could think was "wow~" we spent the whole night together, talking and kissing and flirting and I was convinced I had never felt more alive. And so began my hope.... that evil, snaring, soul crushing light..... the hope that things would keep going well, and that he felt the same way. To my excitement he did, and it was like I had known him forever. I was so unbelievably happy, and excited, and absolutely terrified. Because deep down I knew he was going to break my heart.... and so I ignored all of my alarms, my instincts. "Run away, he is going to hurt you" "don't let him in, keep him at a distance" "this will only lead to pain" and I could feel my heart shake from fear... like it knew it wouldn't survive another fracture... but I stood my ground, I was going to fight myself and trust for once, because he was nothing like anyone I had ever met before. He made me feel safe, he was why I took so long to come back, because I wanted to give him a real unicumbered chance at loving me, instead of pushing him away. I was happy being alone, I was content with myself and who I was, but I wanted to share it.... so I let him in.

Not long after I began to have health issues, an excruciating pain developed in my abdomen that I never found a real answer for. I hurt my wrist at work, and was in a minor fender bender that hurt my upper back. I was in my last year of Nursing school, and so the stress began to overwhelm me and I started overeating again. Before I knew it I was 30 pounds heavier.... but worst of all the darkness started creeping back in.... here was my depression again.... and crippling anxiety.... it began to be too dark to see any light.... I failed 2 exams in my last semester.... but I still had hope and light because he was there. Reminding me I was smart and I could do it.... and when I opened up about my mental health, I told him I would understand if he didnt want to stay because he didnt sign up for that... and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.... and so I had some hope to hold onto.... because I knew the real Kat was in there still, but the world was piling it on and I was suffocating, and he was patient enough for me to get back to me again. A week later he changed his mind.... he decided he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings" for me as I had for him. A polite way of saying he doesn't love me, and knew he never would. And just like that, hope was gone....

Did I imagine it? The last 8 months? Was I really the only one who fell in love? Did I misread all of his actions as just really strong like and not love? The only reason I was open about my feelings towards him was because I genuinely believed he felt the same, his actions spoke louder than his words, or lack thereof. And I said I would wait for when he was ready to say it back, because I wasn't going anywhere and he made me believe he felt the same.... little did I realize he had one foot out the door from the start of our relationship. He thought the feelings would grow but they never did.... so when he smiled at me and held me close did he feel nothing? Was there not a fire roaring in his chest for me? Did not every fear and care melt away? Did the sound of my voice not send a thrill through his heart? Did he not look at me and feel pure happiness? What happened? What went wrong? What changed? It was me. It had to be me. Why else would he decide this now? He couldnt see the girl he first met anymore, I was a whole new person to him and he did not like what he saw or how he felt with me. And so he decided it wasn't "fair" to me if he kept me because he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings."

Ultimately I don't believe I ever really had a chance with him, because he kept me at a distance emotionally. I realize now he never truly opened himself to me, and when he saw how serious, how real a relationship with me could be. He chose to run instead of opening his heart to being hurt. So you know what, maybe I do deserve better than that. I deserved the person he made me believe be was, he started out all in but I didnt realize he had that foot out the door, especially after I told him those three words. He has an idea of what he thinks love is like and how it's supposed to last, but doesn't realize that love is different each time you find it. He always told me he loves love, so why didnt he want the love in front of him? I think he still holds his heart for the one girl he ever really loved. So he'll never find what he is looking for because each new person he brings into his world, he never really gives a chance to, they'll never fit that mold. How can he expect to love someone, if he doesn't allow himself to? And yet, here I am... still wondering why I was not enough.... it's never enough.... and so I've closed my heart to love permanently. Because I can't stand this pain.... I feel so tricked... and so betrayed... the only quote befitting this is by Bob Marley "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her." How do I trust love if it ever comes again? Because what I mistook for love from him, was apparently nothing.... how do I trust actions now? How do I trust myself? And how did I mean absolutely nothing to him? Why am I the only one hurting? How was I so blind? I was foolish to believe someone like him actually loved me... it never crossed my mind that he didn't... he never made me feel otherwise.... I hate this. But what can I do? He'll never regret this decision, that isn't like him. Why would he regret leaving someone he doesn't love? He'll never miss me, for the same reasons. I can't make him love me if he doesn't. I'll be a fleeting thought for him, but for me he'll always be that maybe. I'll always find myself wanting to talk to him, wishing I could be with him. And if he ever does find love, I'll likely envy that girl. Because she must be something truly special to awaken his love... so I'll go back to finding myself. I'll try to finish school amidst this chaos in the world, become a nurse, buy a house with a backyard for my dogs. And be content knowing that I don't want love, I don't want this pain. I reached for too much happiness and light, and so the universe has ripped all of that away from me, reminding me that I don't get that kind of contentment. School hangs in the balance, still unsure if they will be able to continue due to Covid-19. The man I thought loved me is gone, and my love with him. That bright shiny future I thought was waiting this year is gone. So now I'm lost to wander alone. But this time I choose to be, because this pain isn't worth my sanity, or my life. I'm tired of surviving, I want to live.... Goodbye my sweetest of cinnamon rolls... I know you'll never see this... but I hope you know the love I felt was real...

03/19/2020 2220