#AND THEN I GOT THIS NOTIFICATION TODAY LIKE. AAAAA?

[aloneinthehellfire]

saw my tumblr notification for your previous anon and OH MY FUCKING HELL I WOULD LOOOOOVE TO GET THE BATHROOM SCENE FROM STEVE’S POV 💖💖💖

I’ve already told you before that your writing is STELLAR and I know that no matter what you write, it’ll be absolute gold. *chef’s kiss* 🤌🏻

I have to say also that GOH is absolutely KILLING ME in the best ways. love love love the slow burn and the mystery behind what’s been happening in the latest chapters, aaaaa. :’) keep up the amazing work, my friend, and please make sure that you take breaks should you need them!! 💕

I got a lot of requests for this so I hope my anons find this one <3

RAINING HELLFIRE (READER'S VERSION)

Word Count: 3672

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs, mentions of torture

Set in RH3: Chapter 12: Uncle Jack

Find all Raining Hellfire works here <3

Summary: While you try and find your previously abandoned radio in hopes of contacting help, Steve and Robin slip away from their cinema experience to end up in the bathroom, sharing truths about their lives they never admitted before.

[A/N: Welcome to our new little series I am calling 'Raining Hellfire (Reader's Version)' where you can request a scene that I either hadn't written into RH originally or a POV of a different character :) shout out to the nonnie that suggested this &lt;3]

RH3: STEVE'S EPIPHANY

“The ceiling stopped spinning for me.”

Robin’s voice echoed out as Steve flushes away his latest creation, stomach lurching while he wipes away the clinging spit.

“Is it still spinning for you?”

Steve rests his back against a ceramic tiled wall and tilts his head upwards. He focuses for a second.

“Holy shit.” He sounds, still feeling light-headed. “No. You think we puked it all up?”

“Maybe.” Robin says from the cubicle beside his. “Ask me something. Interrogate me.”

“Okay. Interrogate you, sure.” He tries to straighten himself a little, ignoring the dull pain in his face. “Um… When was the last time you, uh… peed your pants?”

“Today.” She responds quickly, voice airy.

“What?” Steve smirks.

“When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw.”

“Oh my god.” Steve chuckles and Robin laughs.

“It was just a little bit though.” She giggles and Steve shakes his head in amusement.

“Yeah, it’s definitely still in her system.” He mutters, rubbing the eye that hadn’t been battered by Russian spies. Of course Dustin’s brilliant plan involved yet another concussion.

“All right, my turn.” Robin announces after her laughter died down, a smile in her voice.

“Okay, hit me.” His head was starting to throb and he was seriously missing his truth serum right about now.

“Have you… ever been in love?”

“Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year.” He says, not really putting much thought into the answer. He imitates a gun with his fingers and shoots at his heart.

“Oh my god.” He could practically hear Robin’s eye roll. “She’s such a priss.”

“Hm.” Steve nods, remembering a time when he thought the same. “Turns out, not really.”

“Are you still in love with Nancy?”

“No.”

A wave of shock struck him when he answered without a thought, reeling in his own response. Was he really over her?

“Why not?”

This time, his thoughts are swirling around like the ice-cream machine they rarely ever used, clouding his eyes with one image. One very specific image. And he smiles.

“I think it’s because I found someone who’s a little bit better for me.” He chuckles. “It’s crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he’s been saying, you know, you gotta find your Suzie, you gotta find your Suzie...”

Steve blinks and the image reappears again. Dustin’s rant about Steve finding love had never left his mind.

“Uh, I guess I don’t totally know what I’m looking for.” Steve states, staring through the binoculars and being anything but covert. But Dustin could be on to something and he desperately needed a break from slinging ice-creams all day.

“Evil Russians.” Dustin replies simply and he roll his eyes.

“Yeah, exactly.” Steve nods, “I don’t know what an evil Russian looks like.”

“Tall. Blonde. Not smiling.” Dustin offers as Steve continues to navigate the binoculars. “Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing.”

“Right, duffel bags.” Steve repeats. He takes another moment before letting out a breath. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What?”

“Anna Jacobi’s talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky.” Steve complains, staring as she cosies up to the worst player he ever teamed with in his life.

“Dude, if you’re not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars.”

“Aw, Jesus Christ,” Steve continues, ignoring the boy next to him, “Whatever happened to standards? I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench.”

“Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?” Dustin reaches out and snatches away the binoculars, resulting in a small fight as Steve struggled with the strap around his neck.

When Dustin won the binocular war, he places the binoculars in front of his eyes. “I don’t get why you’re looking at girls, anyway. You have the perfect one in front of you.”

“Seriously,” Steve sighs, already knowing where he’s going, “If you say Y/n again-”

“Y/n.” Dustin says anyway.

“No, don’t. No.”

“Y/n, Y/n, Y/n.”

“Stop, no.”

“Y/n.” Dustin repeats over and over before throwing a curveball. “Robin?”

“No- Robin?” Steve raises his eyebrow. “Really?”

“Right.” Dustin nods. “‘Cause you like Y/n.”

“I don’t-” Steve takes a breath, noticing Dustin’s unimpressed look. “No, man, she’s not my type. She’s not even… in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?”

“What’s your type again?” Dustin asks with a side-eye. “Not awesome?”

“Thank you.” Steve sarcastically smiles, suddenly wondering where you were right now. You had said something about spending the day with Max and El, but that was all he had heard from you since last night. He remembered that smile you had given him before you drove off, a small wave as you promised to catch up on the ‘little Russian espionage’ later.

“Hm, right.” Dustin smirked and Steve looked back to him. “That lovesick face says it all.”

“I’m not-” Steve lets out a frustrated sigh. “She’s not my type, okay? Just friends.”

“Let’s see.” Dustin lowers the binoculars to count on his fingers. “Funny? Check. Smart? Check. Pretty? Double check.”

“Still in love with her ex? Check.” Steve says and Dustin’s face falls.

“What? No.” He pouts and Steve nods.

“Yeah, well. Good for him.” He looks ahead, trying not to think about how much that hurt him.

“At least you’re not in high school anymore.” Dustin shrugs and Steve looks at him.

“How has that got anything to do with anything?”

“Look, Steve.” Dustin gestures to the mall in front of them and Steve looks… confused. Dustin sighs. “There’s a whole world of girls out there. Instead of dating somebody you think’s gonna make you cooler, why not date somebody you actually enjoy being around? Like me and Suzie.”

“Yeah, you mean, ‘hotter than Phoebe Cates’. Yeah, that Suzie.” Steve recalls with a snarky tone, “And, uh, let’s think about- how exactly did you score that beautiful girlfriend? Oh, yeah. With my advice. Because that’s how this works, Henderson. I give you the advice, you follow through. Not the other way around, all right, pea-brain?”

“And how’s your advice working for you?” Dustin challenges, his eyes narrowing in his own amusement.

“Wait, who’s Suzie?” Robin asks and snaps him back into the moment. He blinks, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend.” He shakes his head, trying to push away the growing beating of his brain against his skull. “To be honest with you, I’m not 100% sure she’s even real.”

“But that’s not- that’s not really the point. The point is this girl, you know, the one that I like, it’s somebody that I… I lost touch with in school. And I don’t even know why.” Steve continues, sighing. “Maybe ‘cause Tommy H. would’ve made fun of me or… I wouldn’t be… prom king. It’s stupid. I mean, Dustin’s right, it’s all a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because when I think about it, I should have been hanging out with this girl the whole time. First of all she’s hilarious. She’s so funny. I feel like ever since last November, I have laughed harder than I have laughed… in a really long time. And- and she’s the only person in this whole world I feel like will understand me, you know? Not judge me.”

“Really?” Robin chirps up with a smile in her voice. “Sounds like she loves being around you.”

“Yeah...” Steve’s face slowly falls.

Steve closes the space, resting his head against your forehead. His heart raced faster as he pushed aside his fear. “I love you, Y/n.”

When you don’t respond, he moves his body closer, lifting his head to search your face for something to give him hope. “Please, say something.”

Every second you didn’t react was agony. He could see the tear trickling down your cheek, his brows furrowing.

And then you reached out, placing your hands over his. That little jolt of electricity, the one that give him hope, the one that never failed.

Until now.

You gently unclasp his hand and take your keys, never raising your head, never meeting his eyes.

“I..” You start, lips squeezing together. “I don’t feel the same way about you. Never have. Never… never will.”

Steve feels his entire soul shatter into a thousand pieces.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper as you turn from him, getting in your car without so much as a second glance.

He’s stood there, paralysed in his own heartbreak. He thought… you and him…

How could he have been so stupid?

“Steve?” Robin calls out and he clears his throat.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here.” He nods, rubbing his eye. “It’s just… I thought, you know, this girl was… everything. And…”

“And?”

“And she wasn’t even real.” He spoke, lowering his head. “I really should have taken Dustin’s advice. The kid knows zilch about love but… but he knows people better than I do sometimes. Told me Nancy was out of my league. Not in a bad way just, like…”

“Like you weren’t meant to be together?” She suggests and Steve hums.

“Yeah, exactly.” He laughs after a moment, “You ever… you ever had that?”

He rubs his face again, looking to the cubicle wall that separated them. She’s being quiet and he frowns, tapping on the plastic. “Robin? Robin, did you just OD in there?”

“No.” She finally says, sighing. “I… am still alive.”

“Did I say something wrong?” He asks and she lets out another sigh.

After another block of silence, he can’t take it anymore and scoots over to the wall, gripping onto the underside and pulling himself through, slow enough to avoid crashing into Robin on the other side. He decided it best to ignore how wet the floor felt on his back.

“The floor’s disgusting.” She comments as he sits back up, facing his friend.

“Yeah, well, I already got a bunch of blood and puke on my shirt, so…” He waves his hands, brushing it away. “What do you think?”

“About?” She blinks, but he knows she’s aware.

“Destined to fail romances?” He chuckles, shaking his head. “You ever had that with a guy before?”

“Something like that.” She says and he groans.

“Come on, you don’t have to be all mysterious.” He laughs, nudging her knee with his. “I can tell when you’re being weird, I’ve known you-”

“That’s it. You don’t.” She interrupts, brows knitted. When he frowns, she bites her lip and leans forward. “Look… you don’t really know me. And if you did, like – like really know me… I don’t think you’d even want to be my friend.”

“No, that’s not true, no way is that true-”

“Listen to me, Steve. It’s shocked me to my core, but I like you. I really like you. But I’m not like your other friends.” She shakes her head. “I’m not even… I don’t…”

Steve leans forward, “What’s going on?”

“Do you remember what I said about Click’s class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?” Robin questions and he slowly nods. “It isn’t because I had a crush on you.”

He blinks, holding his breath. Now he felt really foolish for even thinking it.

“It’s because…” She continues, and he keeps his silence. “She wouldn’t stop staring at you.”

“Mrs Click?” He frowns in confusion and she laughs, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Tammy Thompson.” She finally says, nodding. “I wanted her to look at me. But… she couldn’t pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn’t understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And I watched you fall in love Freshman year with a girl you ended up treating like shit because you wanted to be a douchebag. And- And you didn’t even like Tammy Thompson and… and I would go home and just scream into my pillow.”

“But Tammy Thompson’s a girl.” Steve shook his head, the drug still wavy in his brain.

“Steve.” Robin says softly and he slowly feels his face fall, realisation finally hitting him in a moment of clarity.

“Oh.” He finally sounds, blinking.

“Oh.” She repeats, laughing sadly.

“Holy shit.” He leans back. Talk about deja vu.

Steve didn’t realise how silent he was being. It wasn’t because of shock or hatred or anything like that. It was because he was taken back to Skull Rock all over again. Sat beside you. Your fingers nervously fiddling with the hem of your sweatshirt, a scared look in your eye. The relief on your face when he said he didn’t care who you liked, just who you were. A happiness in your trust.

That shattered image when you found out he had taken that trust for granted.

He didn’t want it to be like that this time. No wrong words, no broken promises. He didn’t want to make anyone feel that destroyed ever again.

“Steve… did you OD over there?”

“No, I just, uh… just thinking.” He slowly nods, “I mean, yeah. Tammy Thompson, you know, she’s cute and all, but… I mean, she’s a total dud.”

“She is not.”

“Yes she is. She wants to be, like, a singer. She wants to move to, like, Nashville and shit.”

“She has dreams.” Robin tries but he’s shaking his head.

“She can’t even hold a tune.” He expresses, trying to think of a descriptor. “She’s practically tone-deaf. Have you heard her?”

As Robin laughs, he mimics Tammy’s voice in the school choir, making it as nasally as he could.

“She does not sound like that-”

“She sounds exactly like that. That’s a great impression of her.”

“You sound like a Muppet.” Robin comments and Steve laughs.

“She sounds like a Muppet. She sounds like a Muppet giving birth.” Steve chuckles and Robin can’t help but agree, giggling. “Literally ask anyone, ask Y/n, she was there. It was an hour of torture, like, even the Russians couldn’t beat that.”

“Okay, okay.” Robin clutches her stomach, shaking her head. “You’re right, okay? She sounds horrible.”

“Thank you.” He grins, head resting against the wall, “You could do so much better.”

“Like Y/n?”

Steve practically jolts, eyes wide. How did she know? Did he tell her? Was he rambling about it and didn’t realise? When did-

“Steve.” She smiles, tilting her head. “I know who ‘the girl’ is, I’m not dumb.”

He mentally lets out a sigh of relief before focusing on her comment. “It’s not… I don’t know.”

“God, you two are in love with eachother.” She scoffs, meeting his unconvinced eyes. “Seriously. It’s suffocating being around you two, it’s flirt city.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore.” Steve sighs.

“No shit, there’s no way I’m going back to work after that, they don’t pay me enough to be interrogated by secret-”

“No, Robin, I mean me and Y/n.” He says quickly and she stops, frowning. He sighs again. “It… there wasn’t…”

When he couldn’t find the words, Robin leaned forward.

“What happened between you two anyway?” Robin prompts and he furrows his brows, shaking his head.

“What-”

“Last night. Or… heck, I don’t know how long it’s been.” She shrugs. “When Y/n ran out. After that really intense moment of her talking about being taken advantage of – which I totally agree with her by the way- but... she was clearly upset about something. And you followed her. But when you came back…”

She takes a breath.

“You looked…”

“I looked?” He asks, stomach churning.

“Heart-broken.”

“I don’t feel the same way about you. Never have. Never… never will.”

“There.” She points at his face and he bats her finger away. “Right there. That look.”

He covers his face with a groan, resting his head in his hands.

“I mean… if there would be any time to open up to me, it would definitely be after I just told you I’m a lesbian.” She snickers and he can’t resist the laugh, “Don’t tell me… you’re also gay?”

“No.” He chuckles and she smiles, leaning back. “But I am definitely going to be alone for the rest of my life.”

“I don’t believe that.” She scrunches her face as if the thought was stupid. “You’re Steve Harrington. Any girl would be fantasising about spending their life with you.”

“Not the one that matters.” He admits quietly and she straightens, her eyes wide. Steve takes a breath. “When I caught up to her…”

“Please, say something.”

“… I…” He sighs, rubbing his face. “God, I am an idiot.”

“Why?”

“I told her I loved her.” He finally blurts, wincing at the silence that ensued.

“Woah.” She comments, nodding slowly. He simply nods with her, eyes fixed on the black mark staining the wall behind her. “And I’m guessing she didn’t…”

“No.” He purses his lips, sniffing. “It’s fine, though. At least I know now, right? Won’t be… won’t be wondering that for the rest of my life.”

“She lied.”

His head whips up. “Uh, what?”

“She lied.” Robin repeats, looking serious. “I may have only just met her at the beginning of summer, but I like to think I know her. I see how she looks at you. I can even hear it in her voice when she talks about you and… and there’s a reason she hasn’t been dating anyone.”

“Because she’s still hung up about Eddie.” He sighs and she whacks his knee. “Ow!”

“No, dingus! Because she’s hung up about you!” She exclaims, “God, you are both so oblivious, it actually hurts.”

Steve rubs his knee, shaking his head. “She still likes Eddie.”

“And yet, she chose you.” Robin expresses with her hands and he frowns.

“What do you mean she chose me?”

“Because of the-” Her face falls. Either she was going to puke again or she had just realised something important because her skin started to pale a shade. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“No, Robin, tell me.” He inches forward slightly, eyes wide. “Because of what?”

She bites her lips, obviously trying to hold something in.

“She told you something, didn’t she?” He interrogates, watching her face go paler from the strain of keeping a secret. “What didn’t she tell me? Robin. Robin!”

And with that, she snaps.

“You’re kinda maybe one of the reasons she and Eddie aren’t together anymore but it’s also not your fault ‘cause there was no trust between them in the end anyway, and she was never going to let your friendship die again especially since you guys apparently went through so much together last year and she’s already lost you twice because of some petty arguments or something like that so she decided to let Eddie go so she could keep you because out of everyone, you make her feel the happiest she has in a really long time.”

Robin takes a long breath as she physically deflates against the wall, chest rising heavily.

“If she ever asks… it took a lot more than that to get me to spill.” She grimaces, waiting for his reaction.

You had never told him why you and Eddie broke up. Not truly. He remembers the first time you told him, sat on a bench outside the high school, your eyes threatening tears. You told him that you think you broke Eddie’s heart, but you weren’t ready to talk then. Ever since, you just alluded to the idea that you weren’t right for eachother, that it was better for you both to be apart. Never did you admit it was because of Steve.

And now he was conflicted. How should he be feeling about this? Angry? Confused? Sad?

“How am I… the reason?” He asks softly, fixated on his shoelaces.

“I don’t know the full details.” Robin says, “But I know that she has to love you too.”

“Rob-”

“No, just listen.” She interrupts and he takes a breath, meeting her eyes. “Don’t give up. Considering all the weird shit that just happened back there, and the fact that neither of you seem at all phased by the fact we were tortured by Russians living underneath us, I can only assume that she had a lot going on. Give her time, okay? Take it from someone who has an exceptionally sad life of watching other people fall in love, you two are made for eachother.”

“Right.” Steve nods before shaking his head again. “What if she meant it? That she didn’t… what if-”

Robin lets out a groan. “Just stop being a dingus and take my advice.”

“Not sure how I feel about taking advice from someone who had a crush on Tammy Thompson.” He retorts and she looks offended.

“Wha- hey!”

“We’ll be holding on forever!” Steve imitates Kermit the Frog and she buries her face in her hands, laughing.

The bathroom door bursts open and two kids walk in, one looking severely pissed at Steve.

“Okay, what the hell?!” Dustin frowns, hands on hips.

Steve draws his eyes back to Robin’s and they burst into laughter again, uncontrollably.

“It’s not funny!” Dustin stresses, only making them laugh harder. He shoots a glare at Steve before Erica steps forward.

“Y/n is missing!” She shouts and the two finally quit their giggling.

“What?” Steve chuckles, unsure if he heard her right.

“Y/n went looking for help about twenty minutes ago.” Dustin explains, and Steve’s heart races faster. “And she hasn’t come back.”

“So we better stop chit-chatting like little girls at a sleepover and get the hell out of here before the Russians find us.” Erica remarks, rolling her eyes when nobody moves. “Now.”

“Wait.” Steve scrambles to his feet, Robin slowly but surely following his action. “Y/n-where- where did she go?”

“Her radio.” Dustin sighs, pulling a face when Steve shakes his head. “Jesus Christ, we don’t have time to explain everything to you, she went out to get her radio but she hasn’t come back.”

“Let’s go, we’ll find her later.” Erica stresses, already opening the door and motioning for them to get out.

“I’m not leaving this mall without her.” Steve promises, wiping his lip and heading for the door, more determined than ever.

if you would like to request a new pov scene for the Raining Hellfire universe, please feel free to put it into my ask box and I'll get to it when I am available :)

[coyoteworks]

AAAAA YOURE BACK WOOOO

hi!!! i actually got a mobile notification from tumblr earlier today that was one of those 'youve always liked [x blog]' things and it was for your blog so i was thinking of you haha

[gureumz]

since tumblr was being mean... i'll just write this again then! >:0

i noticed u actually followed me back... TYTYTYTY SMMM can i scream for a second pls AAAAAAAAAAAAA

holy moly u have NO idea how happy i was when i saw that in my notifs- ive been such a big fan of you when u were still active in your older acc. i think you were one of the first smut writers ive rlly liked! I remember i couldn't stop reading your heejay 3some smut and its been engraved in my mind ever since... Thats when i started diving into tumblr and then knowing more about writing :') still gotta improve my grammar though

I was today's years old when i realised you were the same person who posted about that AND the jw royal au 🤡 i got the courage to actually tag you and then u followed me back? Me?? Me who owns a little blog?? God i felt like i was gonna jump off the walls and the fact we're moots now..? 😭 i sound like a weird die hard fan im so sorry :')

Anywho, id just like to say keep doing what youve been doing and ill be here suffering enjoying your work and continue to support you. ilysm and i hope you have an amazing day/night florie ! 💗🤍💗🤍💗🤍

AAAAA thank you so much 🥹 this all means so much to me and the fact that you've liked my work since my cloudninescenes days 😭 thank you truly!!!! 🤍

[happyendingsong]

fight like apes are doing a 15th anniv show for their first album, im not gonna be normal until fri 24th march 2023 and then im REALLY not gonna be normal ever AGAIN

[lix-ables]

ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇ ᴍᴇ, ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ?

pairing — hentai artist! jisung x fem!reader. rating — 18 +, minors dni !! words — 1.7k genre — smut, includes i. soft mean dom!jisung, use of mirror (bro idk what to call it istg) praise kink, size kink, use of pet names like doll, babe, angel, lingerie kink, touching (??) ii. loving(??) degradation, slight perv!ji (@chvnnie hi bestie, i had to), sexting (mostly teasing so idk what that falls under) note — the way i screamed when i got an ask for this aaaaa and i needed to write it like this omg (lets ignore that this is my first time writing this). anyway i hope y'all like it ^^ masterlist

you: [image] you: babee you: tell me if this looks good? jisung: oh.. jisung: OH you: whaaatttt jisung: fuck baby, you look so cute jisung: i swear i wanted to come today, but this piece… you: well, i’d look cuter if you were inside me..

jisung groans at the last text you sent, his fingers ruffling through his hair as he goes back to read the conversation again while he waited for your reply. his fingers scroll past the message he sent, watching the three dots appear on the screen, until they stop again. jisung lets out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck, clicking on the pic you sent him— the yellow sleeveless sundress you tried on, your breasts practically spilling out, your finger teasing the strap of the material, pulling it down a little, your nipple almost peaking out— he can’t control his thoughts.

his screen lights up again with your notification, which has him biting his bottom lip, and he’s licking his lip right after at what he sees, his figure brooding over his phone, setting it on his table on top of the many sheets that were spread around. jisung’s hand aches to slip into his sweats, to tease the tip of his cock, the desperation getting to him. the thoughts of you kneeling down as he works, drawing sketches and just his hips bucking into your face, his cock hitting the back of your throat. tears forming at the corner of your eyes as you took him, your thighs pressed together, your panties soaked, your head empty except for what jisung would do later, and it would just end up with you being a mess for him. he needed that, he missed it. a bit too much.

you: [image] you: got this to go with the dress :))

“fuck,” jisung mumbles under his breath as his fingers move fast to click on the next picture you sent him, his hand shaking a little out of excitement. his jaw tightens when he looks closely at the picture, his lips pressed in a thin line, his fingers zooming on certain parts, out of habit.

the way you sat on the stool of the trial room, with your legs spread so he could have a slight peak of your clothed core, a hand placed in between your thighs, the nude color of the lingerie material making him curse out loud. again, your breasts spilling out, the smile you had on your face, that innocent look on your face making him want to fuck that attitude out of you, especially wanting to make you cum in that particular piece of dressing you chose.

jisung: jesus, what do you want from me hm? jisung: i’m letting you cum on this cock every other night jisung: and fucking your throat every time you want something to shut you up jisung: you still want to fucking get me all messed up jisung: what have i told you about teasing me while i work, angel?

now the urge jisung had to just get a good and clear view of that lingerie you wore, and take a picture of you in it. he wanted to take that picture of you himself, get you in all the poses he was thinking of when he was looking at the picture you sent him. the urge he had to take a video while you rode him, his hand staying firm on your stomach as you bounced on his cock, only the sounds of skin slapping and the slick sounds your pussy made every time your body moved.

the need he had to tilt your chin, to make you look at the way you desperately got fucked by him, the way you desperately clenched around his cock whenever he reaches forward to rub fast and smooth circles around your clit, his lips pressing to your earlobe, whispering how you were making such a good mess for him. how you were letting him, no, begging him to fuck you, to ruin you in front of the mirror that he was staring at right now, watching you whine and whimper for him, getting you to make a mess for him while he just smirks and clicks picture after picture, one for every reaction and sound you made for him.

his eyes return to the picture you sent, and he was so close, to both jerking off and creaming his pants. that’s the effect you had on him. slipping his hand into his sweats, jisung started slow, hesitant strokes on his cock, imagining how you’d touch him if you were here. his head is thrown back, not caring if he got hurt or not, he ached for this. his cock aches for this, for your touch. “fuck,” he grunts, bringing his thumb to rub the tip of his cock, teasing it to the point where he was sure he was going to make a mess right there.

“starting off without me, are you?”

jisung whips his head back to see you standing by the door frame, your figure leaning against the wall of his room. you somehow managed to get time to change back into comfortable clothes— a pair of shorts and a tank top, carrying yourself across the room towards the boy in front of you, dropping the shopping bags on the floor right next to his feet and straddle him, your hands resting on his shoulder right after. “you’re the one that started the teasing, angel,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss you, a small brush of lips, making you whine at the lack of contact. “how badly do you need it?”

“so fucking bad, ji,” you sigh, your forehead now rests against his, your fingers trailing up his shoulders, placing them around his neck and pull him closer. “got both the dress and the other thing.” a smile forms on your face when you say this as you watch jisung groan, satisfied with his reaction. ‘the other thing’ being the lingerie you decided to buy in the last minute.

you had to admit it. you wanted to get jisung worked up for you, knowing how he loves anything and everything you wear. his only concern was, can he fuck you in it? does he have permission to rip it in two, just to buy you another one next time, that promise he kept. another of anything — a pair of new panties, or a new dress shirt, which was very evidently his.

jisung’s eyes light up at the mention of the lingerie, his brain working in ways it never did. an idea popping in his head, something that he could draw, but he didn’t care about that now. his focus was on you, the way you were biting your lip, your tank top riding up your waist when he rests his hand on your skin. “so fucking small for me all the damn time, aren’t you?”

you nod at his question, giving in to whatever left his lips. you needed it, bad. his fingers didn’t hesitate for a second to slip into your shorts, only to find you soaking wet, your hips grinding against his palm. “fuck, look at that. already so wet, and you just got home. so needy all the damn time aren’t you?” you could only whine at his words, your walls clenching when he slips a finger in, teasing you just enough to rile you up. “tempting me to get my mouth on that pretty pussy of yours, hm? we’re not getting these shorts off until you’re drenched through.” you nod a couple times, like it was the only thing you could and would do along with the grinding. nothing else mattered to you. you wanted to get off, and jisung was there, more than willing to help you. but it wasn’t going to be easy, you knew that. he knew it all too well, more than you did. so when your clothed pussy rubbed against his bulge, and he let out a groan, you knew it was going to be a long night of teasing. “that’s it, doll. so cute when you jerk your hips forward, like i’m not being generous enough to let you grind against me like the dirty angel i taught you to be.”

“don’t lie,” jisung continues, his hands moving your hips in the pace he wants, his head now resting on your shoulder as you lean forward, biting back moans from leaving your mouth, you didn’t want to seem too desperate. “you touched yourself when you took that pic, didn’t you?” jisung presses a kiss to your bare shoulder, leaving an open mouth kiss to it right after, being proud of the fact that there’s going to be a mark in the morning. “you got off knowing that i’m going to get hard when i see you in that lingerie hm?”

a light slap to your thigh earned a squeak from you, tears almost forming at the corner of your eyes. “fuck, yes ji. i needed it,” you let out, rubbing yourself faster against the boy under you. “and what about me?” he presses. “you thought it was okay to tease me, and expect not to be punished? being too brave these days, huh? knowing i’d give in to your attitude and fuck your brains out hm?” jisung lightly taunts, stopping your body from grinding against him. “you knew i was working, distracted by anything you did, and you just did what you wanted, isn’t that right, doll?”

“shit, ji. please, wanna cum,” you whimper, your fingers coming to wrap around his wrist that held down your waist. his hips bucked under you, and you let out a gasp at the way his dick nestled so snug under your clothed pussy. “feel that? you caused that. and now, you’re going to make up to me, while i work. try being of some inspiration, hm?”

“i-inspiration how?” “start of by making a mess on my fingers like the desperate little precious thing that you are, and then we’ll see what you can do.”

the way jisung said that, in a tone so casual, like it was a normal thing, like he knew it was going to either tick you off, or get you so needy that you couldn’t do anything about it. “now?”

“yes, angel. in fact, how about you get to work? let’s see if i get inspired to draw a character on how pretty you look while you have my dick in your mouth, hm?”

taglist: @hwajinn @starlostseungmin @chrisbahng @niinjo @chvnniee @lixhuesues @joonszn @evqans @meowtella @janvibutbetterr @cherryhanjii @blueberry-chan @dnadoublefelixxelixx @ethereallinoo @stuckwithaphobiaaa @teacupjeongin @chewryy @bangchanbabygirlxlx @meowminhosblog @zizis-world12 @aimeexx

[lunaastoir]

Heyhey! May I request a childe x reader where the reader simps for him but he doesn’t know? Like what if she was online best friends with the tsaritsa but the reader doesn’t know the tsaritsa is the tsaritsa so she constantly simps for childe to her. Like “OMG HE’S SO CUTE.” AND STUFF LIKE THAT. So since she’s like besties with the tsaritsa the cry archon decides to set her up? Thank you :>>>>

AAAAA NONNIE holds your hands gently this is so cute i love it :,) 

genshin doesn’t have internet/technology but for the sake of this ask shhhhhh we’re gonna pretend they do

i hope i interpreted your ask correctly, if i didn’t just lmk <3 

crack, fluFF- LOTS OF IT???

the tsaritsa’s meddling

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

all you wanted were groceries. that was all you wanted. you were standing in line behind the stall as you counted the items you needed to get. salt, milk, sugar, fowl, what else? you were lost in thought as you prayed that you had enough mora to buy everything - god knows how hard eating is as an adventurer. which was why, when you dropped your precious mora, your mind immediately went into panic mode. not now, not now, please don’t let the line move, you begged internally. in hindsight maybe if your mora hadn’t dropped, maybe if you weren’t at your wits end as a broke adventurer, maybe if you had just bought those damn ingredients sooner, you wouldn’t be in this position. as you breathed a sigh of relief after collecting your money and returned your gaze back to the stall, the only thing you could do was stare. where...did everyone go? instead of simply turning around and fleeing which should’ve been your first instinct considering how deserted the place was, you stood there trying to process the information. that was, until you saw a head of auburn hair peak up out of the stall. startled, you almost dropped your mora again. as the tuft of hair gave way to a very tall, handsome, blue eyed man, your brain short circuited. 

oh god how you wished you had run when you had the chance. you imagined you must have looked quite comical; mouth hanging slightly open, the list of ingredients fisted in your hands while mora was hanging precariously from your fingers. after what seemed like an eternity, the man seemed to finally notice you. 

“oh hey, you must not have noticed but this stall is sold out for the fatui” 

the sentence accompanied with his signature smile practically brought you to your knees. that smile? aimed at you? you would be surprised if you weren’t drooling. 

determined to not look like an absolute idiot you flashed him a smile of your own before saying, “sorry my bad, i must not have been paying attention” while doing what little you can to get some semblance of balance. tuck the mora here, try to balance your list more gracefully, move that piece of hair from your face. 

his eyes surveyed your undoubtedly disheveled appearance, before making a quick decision. 

“what items do you want, i’m sure i can spare a few ingredients for someone as pretty as you” 

one blink. another blink. did he just call you pretty? oh my- 

“oh no, it’s really ok, i can just get these later - it’s not that important anyway” you lied through your teeth. you needed those ingredients or you were most likely going to starve on the road but he didn’t need to know that. 

“don’t worry about it, as a harbinger i’m sure my subordinates can overlook a few missing ingredients” he smoothly said before gesturing you towards him. 

“i’m childe by the way, if you didn’t know” his eyes flicked up to meet yours.

“y/n” you offered while handing him the list. 

as he looked over what you needed, you tried your best to keep your breathing steady while your mind raced. if you didn’t know? of course you knew who he was, who didn’t? you would know better than most considering how often you thirsted about him to your mutual. if anything, you should’ve been the one saying that line to him. as an adventurer, you tend to not spend much time in liyue harbor, chasing down ruin guards and running errands was how you would rather keep yourself busy. however, ever since you saw childe in liyue, sharing a pot of tea with zhongli of all people, you started swinging by the harbor more often. fascination was what kept you seeking him out wherever you went. you had heard about the infamous eleventh harbinger, supposedly the youngest of them, all while being quite easy on the eyes. you had brushed off all the talk you had heard to just that - talk. international affairs wasn’t something you cared for and if anything, seeing the fatui made you wary. however, your curiosity grew after seeing him whenever you were in town. you chalked up your eyes subconsciously seeking out his figure to the fact that he was just an interesting guy. nothing wrong with wondering about a peculiar fellow, right?  you went through excuses upon excuses until finally, you had concluded that perhaps, maybe, you had a little crush on him. tiny, you assured yourself. just a tiny crush on a very attractive man. 

that crush then trickled over to your time spent talking to your mutual. it started off with little hints of “oh there’s this guy i saw and i thought he was kinda cute” to full blown hysteria of “PLS SEND HELP HE LOOKED SO GOOD TODAY.” @cryogoddess definitely had a lot of patience putting up with your thirsts over a man she didn’t even have the name of. you felt horrible sometimes since more than half of your conversation was about the newest detail you had noticed about childe - however your protests on boring her were met with reassurances about how no, you weren’t boring her, and yes, this is the most lighthearted talk she’s had her entire day so please keep going. you weren’t exactly sure what this woman did, or even how old she was. all you knew was she was someone who was constantly stressed (maybe a fellow adventurer?) and she was quite honest (which you happened to appreciate). despite how busy she was, she seemed to always make time for your texts which made you feel like you could trust her with anything.

“is that all? do you need anything else?” childe’s voice interrupted your mental tirade as you owlishly looked at him. 

“oh! yes that’s fine thank you” you smiled before taking the bag from him. grabbing the mora, you rushed to hand out the correct amount before he stopped you. 

“don’t worry about it, it’s on the house” he laughed slightly before waving your mora away. 

it’s on the- excuse me? did he just give you all this for free? is this what fatui hospitality is like?  

rushing to close your mouth, you quickly recovered while slurring out a quick “thank you so much” before shouldering your bag. your brain was currently running on fumes and you were very sure that if you stayed there any longer you might just combust. 

“well, i’ll be off then, thank you again” you shot him another smile before quickly scurrying away. 

without turning back to look at his expression, you moved as fast as humanly possible while trying not to seem like you were about to jump out of your skin. you didn’t know what was more embarrassing, your thumping heart or the dopey smile on your face. there was no way you were ever going to get over this, not with the way he looked at you the entire time. sighing, you put your bag down near a bench and pulled out your phone. at least you had an update for your friend that consisted of something other than just mindless thirsts. 

your mind was still reeling over from what happened as you texted her with shaking hands. the reply was immediate: “wow, you finally got up the courage to talk to him huh.” you rolled your eyes playfully at her blunt message. “bY ACCIDENT- IT HAPPENED BY ACCIDENT,,, guess he couldn’t keep himself away from this sexiness 😩” another blunt reply: “right.” smiling softly, you responded: “thanks for hyping me up bestie i really appreciate it <3 ok but maybe childe and i belong together??? is this a sign from the archons???” you stared waiting for her reply, however you were met with a read 8:45 pm. you’re lucky i love you bestie, leaving me on read during my crisis you whispered to yourself as you shouldered your bag once again to head home. at least you won’t be starving tomorrow on your commissions. 

as soon as you entered your house, your phone lit up. “wait. as in childe, eleventh of the fatui harbingers, also known as tartaglia, feared by many on the battle field, currently stationed in liyue, major pain in the ass, and is currently ignoring some of his paperwork???” - @cryogoddess. your eyebrows furrowed as you read her message, “yes that’s him but why do you sound so freaked out and how do you know sm abt him?” another notification: “i can’t believe you’ve been thirsting to me abt CHILDE.” you: “KDJKSFJ YOU DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION - also??? i thought i told you his name did i not??? 😀” her: “no??? wow this definitely is...interesting” you: “BESTIE ANSWER MY QUESTION DO YOU KNOW HIM???” her: “i’ve gotta go, work is calling.” 

you sighed in frustration as you tossed your phone on your bed. why was she so freaked out? you weren’t dumb, you knew there was something she wasn’t telling you but you trusted her enough to know she’ll let you know if it was important. you wondered as you pulled the covers over your head, if you’ll meet childe in your dreams and if you do, hopefully, in a less embarrassing scenario. 

the next morning, you awoke to a barrage of texts from none other than @cryogoddess. they were all along the lines of you should go to bubu pharmacy and stock up on medication this evening (i heard they’re having a sale). you responded back with a maybe, if you had time today after your commissions and if xiangling didn’t stop by with some food. however, your mutual made you promise you would visit in the evening, even if it’s just for a few minutes. you gave in because a) you never could say no and b) she made it sound like it was urgent so maybe she was obsessed with medicine? hmmm you would have to figure out where she lived so you could send some to her. 

you walked toward bubu pharmacy while tiredly sheathing your weapon, loosely taking in your surroundings. kids playing near the pond, teenagers chatting at the steps, adults keeping a watchful eye over their kids while laughing about the day’s events. your eyes studied the sign outside of bubu pharmacy. sale? what sale? there doesn’t seem to be anything regarding a sale?

“y/n?” a mildly familiar voice called your name. you whipped around looking for whoever uttered those words before your eyes fell on none other than one blue eyed harbinger. he was holding a few silk flowers in his hand as he stared at you with a sheepish smile. 

“hi” you stuttered out. your mind was blank, what was happening? 

“oh sorry, these are for you. i don’t mean to make you uncomfortable but i heard that you might be interested in me? you caught my eye at the stall yesterday, so i was wondering if you would want to grab lunch from the third-round knockout and then go watch the sunset at mt. tianheng? there’s this really cool trick i can do with my hydro vision where i can make the sunlight dance across the waypoint.” 

you stared at him as you wordlessly took the silk flowers from his hands. the golden light of the setting sun cast his face in a beautiful sheen, softly showing off the gentle blush on his cheeks and the brilliant blue of his eyes. his auburn hair seemed to grow alive at the touch of the fiery light and all you could do was stare. 

childe’s confidence seemed to wane with every passing second that you gazed at him, open mouthed, so he decided to save himself the embarrassment before hesitantly opening his own mouth. 

“yes, i would love to” you quickly said. you smiled gently up at him. 

“i would love to watch the sunset with you” 

you felt your cheeks burning up as you looked at him with soft eyes. when he returned your expression with a dazzling smile of your own, you could feel yourself relax. yes, your heart rate was off the chart right now, but you were content. the sunset, childe, and the silk flowers was something you never knew you needed, but were glad you got. you had enough time later to worry about the oncoming mortification of how he found out you liked him. 

a single notification appeared in your phone as the two of you walked laughing towards the mountain. 

“you’re welcome <3″

BONUS: 

“i know i’m too sexy for you to not fall in love with me” childe sighed dramatically as he leaned against you for support as the two of you went up the stairs. 

you promptly rolled your eyes and pushed him down the steps as you walked ahead with his protests falling on deaf ears. 

[tick-tick-moo]

Because I really wanted to get it done before you woke up, I wrote Chapter Five of DMH last night. Hopefully you like it! Cause I do. I really do. :3

-AE

AAAAA ALEX YOU'RE AMAZING AND SO SO SWEET!!!!! I HAVE NOTIFICATIONS ON FOR THIS, GOSH DARN IT!!! It got buried in my emaillllll!!!

Thank you for telling me! And THANK YOU for working so hard! 😆

I've got *gags* errands today but I shall be reading every chance I get. Got new contacts for reading today too!

[elysianslove]

hi sal（≧∇≦）i never got a notif about the last chapter of the smau but i cried today when i finally saw it!! genuinely, it was my favorite smau ive ever read, i love it with my entire heart and will reread it so many times. it made my love for issei grow even stronger and im just AAAAA heartbroken now that it ended. it was just truly wonderful, i can’t even explain it... but i cant want for your next smau, im sure its gonna be wonderful as well. ilysm, please take care 🥰

hi my love!!! this made my day so much brighter honestly like :((( ilysm and i can’t thank you enough for this and for all the love you’ve given the smau <333 i’m not sure if i’ll be writing an epilogue or not, but hopefully you’ll love that too!! and thank you so much!!! i love you so much more and take care as well, mwah <3333 

[mainlyterrestrial]

more about me

Aaaaa! Thanks so kindly for the tag @ejunkiet!! These are always fun ✨

Tagging... anyone reading! I don’t see a lot of repeating names in my notifications, but I’m perfectly happy to read answers from anyone interested!

Three ships - if we’re being honest, I don’t think I’ve got a brain for shipping because I just want all characters to love and support each other like a lovely little unit... 😭 But I’ll put some thought into this when I become conscious again!

1. (TBD)

2. (TBD)

3. (TBD)

Last Song: Two of them, both by Splashdown! They are (1) “Halfworld” and (2) “Mayan Pilot.”

Please join me in this mental playpen and give these a listen! if you want to share in my authentic experiences, you may alternate songs for approx. 20 minutes OR you may pick one, listen to it four or five times in a row, and then switch to the other and do the same. 😆 Don’t really know why I’m so hung up on these, though I suspect my brain is probably trying to work out visuals to go along with them.

Last Movie: For some reason, Disney’s Pocahontas. Definitely not one of my favorites, but I think my roomie and I had songs in our head and were trying to oust them via exposure to the source.

Currently Reading (book): Good ol’ classical Dracula, but I’ve also borrowed several audiobooks from the library via Hoopla and am listening to The Murderbot Diaries series by Martha Wells.

Currently Reading (fanfic): Revisiting some old favorites lately - most recently “Rags of Time,” a Howl’s Moving Castle fanfic by Iolanthe 8 on FF.net.

Currently Writing: Writing isn’t my, ah, home craft, per se... but I’m noodling away at an outline for some goofy self-indulgent Stardew Valley fanfic. SDV has been doing a lot of heavy lifting in this house of late!!

Currently Watching: Avatar: The Last Airbender. Guess it was just time for a re-watch! It’s been fun so far. I’ve never seen the whole thing start to finish.

Currently Playing: Breath of the Wild for the first time! I’m distractable so it’s taking me a while, but things are starting to happen and it’s exciting! This game has such a tone to it.

Currently Consuming: Tried some new noodles today: “Xiangnian scallion oil fried noodles,” which I added randomly to my cart while impulse-buying some snacks online. I liked them! They had a good, almost nutty savoriness.

Currently Craving: Ooooh. A lot of sweets - chocolate and pies and sugary hot drinks. Also, I could REALLY go for a cheesesteak from the CIA food truck that shows up during summer street fairs, but that’ll be a dream for the future...

[renlimotroll]

Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Mintosu × Siruko (side), one-sided Limone-sensei x Siruko (main)

Summary: It's not the butterflies that tell Sensei that he's in love. It was the death by a thousand cuts.

Tags: angst, heavy angst!!!, endgame MinSiru wedding, long fic, unrequited love

Warning: BL, Cursing, Imagination, but I like to keep my characterization 80% canon.

Ren's notes:

Before you read this, I want to say that this is Sensei’s POV, so the MinSiru moments will come across as sad and painful. I love Siruko-san, Mintosu-san and Limone-Sensei equally, and this is only just a story, okay? Please come into the story with an open mind and finish it with no attachments. Also, ready your heart.

I woke up at 3am and started writing this because all my best thoughts come at 3am. I was supposed to write cutesy, romantic Christmas stories, but when inspiration hits, it hits. This story is 100% MinSiru because no matter how pseudo-canon LimoSiru is, it's not what people want (wow, bitter Ren is bitter).

This story might be controversial, so I spent a week debating whether to publish it or not, but after all the hard work and me trying to be poetic, it would be a waste to keep it in my folders.

I'd like to thank Taylor Swift for possessing me with her poetic ghost. I listened to "The Moment I Knew", a song about her bf not coming to her birthday party, and was filled with so much angst because it hit home too much.

Please enjoy and don't blame me for your holiday blues!!

This story didn't have a happy ending.

Because the moment Limone-sensei realized he had fallen in love, he knew he was screwed big time. And it won't end well for him. 

But that was okay, because all he wanted was for this person's happiness. This person deserved it more than anyone else in the world, and Limone-sensei will do everything in his power to make sure he gets it.

He being Siruko-san.

He didn’t like them, at first. Limone was a possessive, jealous friend, and when he learned Hana-chan met new gaming friends, his first instinct was to shoot them. But how could anyone not love Siruko-san? He had a beautiful soul, a kindness rare to the human race. Siruko-san was the kind of person who could bring a group of people of different personalities together and make them all get along well. It was really easy to fall for someone like him, and no matter how hard Sensei tried not to, it just happened. 

After that, it was death by a thousand cuts.

The first cut came out when they were shooting a video. He always looked forward to the four of them shooting, because that meant he could see Siruko-san. But something about the Bintroll leader was off, had been off for days actually. Sensei knew because Sensei watches all his live streams when he can, and he was observant. It made Sensei’s heart weak, but because they weren't that close and they didn't have the same level of friendship Siruko had with Mintosu-san, Sensei couldn't just LINE him and say, "Hey, is something wrong with you?" But something happens with the Minecraft trap he was making for Hana-chan, and his first thought was, I can use this as an excuse. So he calls Siruko-san and all is saved, and after that they start to communicate more, outside the games they play for Hana-chan's channel.

Sensei's plan to get closer to Siruko-san fails, because the more time he spends chatting with him, the more he gets to know Siruko-san, the more he falls in love. They text almost everyday; they VC on nights they both couldn't sleep, on days something good happens and they both wanted someone to share it with. And then Sensei realizes something that'll break his heart forever.

One day, after Hana-chan wrapped up the first Atsumori video of them, and Sensei and Siruko moved to private messaging on Discord and continue to chat and talk like they always do after each shoot (sometimes about editing and most times about nothing), Sensei thought it was time.

"Siruko-san."

"Hm?" The purple head answered absent-mindedly. Because they're on a video call, like they've done most times now actually, Sensei could see his beautiful purple eyes fixed on something in his monitor. He's reading the comments on the latest Bintroll video, and Sensei always finds it endearing that he's always liking all the comments. Sensei does read his comments too, but he thinks it's too troublesome to like all of it. It's just not his style.

Sensei decided it's now-or-never. "You like Mintosu-san, don't you?"

Siruko stopped scrolling, eyes shifting to the webcam. Sensei kept a straight face, fakes being detached and indifferent to the reply, but it's something he already knew. He's seen it in the way Siruko-san almost always talks about Mintosu-san when they voice call, in the way that he's always so soft and patient for Mintosu-san. Sensei saw Siruko scrambling for an answer in a panic and took that as a confirmation, even as Siruko-san started to deny it.

"W-what's gotten into you Sense--? O-of course not!! I-what made you say that? Mouuu, is this a prank?? Stop joking with me Sense-- hidoi yo!"

Sensei rolled his eyes for effect, but his chest is heavy with something he can't explain. "You're a fucking idiot. Just spit it out, okay? I know it. Don’t make a fool of me."

"I really dont!" Siruko vehemently opposed it. A moment later, he gave up and sighed in defeat, because Sensei always saw right through him. "I-is it obvious?"

Very, Sensei thought, but instead he went with, "I don't think Mintosu-san knows. That guy is as dense as the air itself."

They fell into silence, and Limone-sensei was very sure right now that Siruko was thinking of the green robot. His heart told him, “No, don't say it, don't do it Limone!!”, but since when has he listened to his heart? So he said to Siruko-san, "You should confess."

"E-EHHHH?!?!"

"Tell him what you feel, Siruko-san."

"I-uhhh… Minben-san is not…. And I c-can't… uuummmmm…."

"Oh for fucks sake! Stop being a fucking coward, okay? If Mintosu-san accepts your feelings, then good. If he rejects you, then you'll learn how to move on. But I won't let you just keep this to yourself." Limone face-palmed himself internally, thinking hard about how he’s such a fucking liar and a hypocrite. The wide, scared puppy eyes Siruko-san is showing melted his heart. It's his weakness. But Sensei never gave in to any of his weaknesses. "I've watched all your videos and we've been friends for a long enough time for me to be sure that you love him, Siruko-san."

"But… but what if Minben-san..." Siruko whispered with this lost, desperate voice, and Sensei gritted his teeth to keep himself from falling apart. He had to do the right thing, even if it meant ruining himself.

"You'll never know if you never try. That's why you need to do something about this, instead of carrying it in your heart all the time. At the very least, it'll give you answers." Siruko looked so unsure, and Sensei knew he's thinking that Minben-san will never like him, that he's thinking bad thoughts about himself, and Sensei won't let Siruko belittle himself again. "Stop overthinking this! It's all in your mind. I said it, didn't I? You'll never know if you never try. Don't make me call Mintosu-san myself and tell him your feelings."

"A-ah!! Okay okay!! I'll… think about it?"

"Fine. I guess that's good enough."

Siruko smiled that sweet, precious smile of his, and usually it warmed Sensei's heart, but today it brought a thousand cuts. "Thank you Sensei."

"Whatever. Now hurry up and finish liking those comments so we can go to sleep."

"But you can sleep! I told you you didn't have to stay up for me!"

"And since when have I ever listened to you?"

"All the time." Siruko muttered, but Sensei heard it, so he faked being insulted with a "HA?!?!" and Siruko laughed (and Sensei loved that laugh), "Nothing, nothing!! Of course you'll do what you want, Sensei, you're badass like that."

"Damn right."

And a week later, Siruko texted him "Sensei, I did it!! Minben-san is my boyfriend now aaaaa!! Thanks so much Senseiiii!! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄"

And Sensei replied "Good for you. Congrats." then went back to bed. Stared at the ceiling for long goddamn hours. He tweeted to his followers that he didn’t feel good so no video today, and turned off his phone.

And it felt like there was a big black hole in his chest. He didn’t get up to eat, he just stared at the ceiling, hating himself for being such a goddamn coward. He finally knew what it felt to be pierced through the chest like those characters in DbD, only his bleeding wasn’t physical, just metaphorical. The pain was real though. So real it cut him open and every breath was hard to get.

The next day, he moved on. Or at least, he pretended he did. One day of moping was enough. He replied "I'm fine" to everyone who texted him even when he's not. He had to be fine. 

It's just death by a thousand cuts after all.

The next time it happened, Sensei had just finished playing a horror game and he felt accomplished. He was about to reward himself with a cookie even though he doesn't really like sweets, when the notification sound for a video call rings. He answered it automatically and he's greeted by a crying mess, and his heart dropped in response.

"Siruko-san?"

He didn't get an answer. Limone tried to make him calm down and breathe, and thankfully Siruko-san listened to him. The poor guy hiccuped and sniffed, and Sensei was already plotting Mintosu's death. He'll make it look like an accident too. One can’t play video games in prison after all.

"*sniff*... we had.. a fight, tente-… He got angry coz he said I was smothering him. I swear I didn't mean to nag, Sensei! I was just worried coz you know!..... Minben-san doesn't keep normal sleeping hours… well, I don't too so I don’t have the right.. but I was just worried, Chenche-!!"

Sensei pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Okay, so maybe he won't kill Mintosu, but he deserves a punch. Maybe two. In times like this Limone wished he could run to Tochigi and comfort Siruko in person. He'd been there once for a business-related meeting, and instead of staying in a hotel, Siruko offered their home. It was a nice trip, and he got to meet Siruko's lovely folks and brother. It made him guilty but also fulfilled for some reason, that he was able to stay in Siruko's house and spend time with him. It was something his internet relationship with Mintosu hasn't had yet at that time.

Forcing himself back to the present, Limone took off his glasses and wiped it with his shirt. Ever since he urged Siruko-san to confess, he became somewhat a confidante to their relationship. Siruko would sometimes share the good stuff but also vent out his frustrations. The positive point of this is that Sensei got to talk to Siruko-san, but it low-key stings as well.

"Siruko-san. You know what you were getting into when you started this relationship. Heck, you know Mintosu-san so well, so you should have known that he loves his freedom. I'm not saying you're wrong for worrying, but Mintosu-san is… well, Mintosu-san after all. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"I know that." Siruko sulked and pouted and sniffed again. He really should blow his nose. Sensei resisted the urge to wipe his tears from the monitor by clenching his hand under the table.

"Sometimes… sometimes I feel that he's not my boyfriend."

Sensei couldn't help it, but this ugly, dangerous thing called hope arises from the pits of his locked-up emotions that he squishes down every single time. He's only human after all. Limone forced himself to remember who it was that made Siruko-san laugh, who it was that Siruko-san always worried about, who it was that Siruko-san loved, and gods Sensei wished it was him, but it's not.

In his wallowing he didn't realize Siruko-san was still talking, "...and he doesn't even text me good night, and I'm not asking for so much romantic stuff, but would it kill him to at least say he loves me too?"

Siruko stopped, waiting for a reply that Sensei forced through the shards of glasses in his throat. He killed the thought that sprung in his mind, "I'll tell you I love you everyday if you were mine.", and instead he settled for, "No, it wouldn't kill him." 

Sensei continued because he doesn’t hate Mintosu-san. The guy's a good guy, and he can see why Siruko fell for him. Even his annoying sides are endearing. Sensei wanted to defend his side that Siruko-san might have missed.

"But Siruko-san, you knew he wasn't the romantic, hearts-and-roses type of guy, and you fell for him anyway. Don't you think it's a bit unfair of you to expect him to suddenly be a sweet-honey-words kind of guy? If you really wanted things like that, talk to him about it. Guide him through it, coz for all that idiot's bountiful of APEX skills, he sucks when it comes to emotions. Talk to him properly, and maybe back off with the nagging a little bit."

Siruko considered his words and looked thoughtful, and Sensei swallowed the bile coming up his throat, half-wishing they’d break up even though he just helped fix the misunderstanding. Finally, after long minutes of silence, Siruko showed a hint of that really cute, embarrassed smile. "Thanks Sensei. You're really good with advice."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Siruko chuckled a little and Sensei was content with that, he told himself. Just that slight hint that he was able to make Siruko-san feel better was enough. He doesn't want more, he lied to himself. "I might start to call you love-sensei now www. How come you're so good with relationship advice but you don't have a girlfriend? Want me to set up someone for you?"

"Do it and I'll kill you. You're lucky I don't charge you consultation fees."

"Coz you love me~" Siruko sang playfully.

You have no idea, Sensei thought hard. "I'll fucking kill you, bakagayo! Now if you don't have anything else to say, I'm gonna go to sleep."

"It's just 12 midnight! Since when do you sleep so early?"

I actually won’t. I'll lie down and imagine ways I could treat you better than he can, then hate myself for thinking such evil, selfish thoughts. But Sensei replied instead, "I just played a horror game and I went out today, so I'm a bit tired." Sensei knew Siruko-san would feel guilty he disturbed Sensei, that's how well he knew Siruko-san by now, so he followed up immediately. "Shut up, don't apologize. I'd always make time for you, you know that." The teacher said quietly. "We're friends, aren't we?"

Siruko's pretty lips lifted up in one corner wistfully. "Yeah."

The conflict of Sensei liking that smile versus the painful confirmation that they'll only ever be friends clenched Sensei's heart tight. "Then, good night Siruko-san. Ja na, mata ne.”

"Bye bye. Thank you, Sensei."

Sensei lay awake the whole night, until dawn came and the golden rays of the sun filter through his windows. It's like this every time, and Sensei should have been used to it, but he's not. He let the pain wash over him, thinking he might not be a sadist like what people think, but instead he might actually be masochistic.

But he'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

The third time, or he's not sure since it's been so long enough that he's not keeping count anymore, it was Siruko-san's birthday. He had just finished streaming Minecraft, and he put the Bintroll stream on background while he got something to drink. He didn't notice at first, but he knew something was wrong. Siruko-san was good at pretending, sometimes too good, so it's no surprise if the listeners didn't hear it, if even his own friends didn't know. But Sensei knew, heard that off-note, that slightly forced laugh, slightly louder, more exaggerated reaction. From the way Bintroll reacted too, they knew it, or at least have noticed it enough, but the show must go on. It's a livestream, and it's an unwritten rule among streamers that no one should break down during that. He knows that Siruko-san is happy, he really is, but something was missing. Or someone.

"Call me when you're done streaming." He typed on LINE, knowing Siruko-san is checking his phone. Not for his message of course. Never for his.

They finished the stream without reading the superchat donation, partly because Siruko-san was tired laughing and talking from the stream, but Sensei knew the other reason. He waits, but he also knew Siruko-san wouldn't call, because he doesn't like imposing on someone, troubling someone for something he thinks he can endure, even if it breaks his heart. He's too kind to do that, even if that was dumb. How many times has Sensei told him it was okay to rant to him, to call him when he's in trouble, or even when he's just bored? How many times has Siruko-san done it too, but each time Sensei has to reassure him that it was okay, he's not disturbing, that Sensei wants to listen to him. Siruko-san is truly dumb and masochistic, keeping everything to himself until he explodes with it, and there will be ugly messy crying and moping for days and drowning in alcohol and not leaving his bed. Sensei knew him too well. And if it was in Sensei's power to, if not protect him from things that can hurt him, then to pick him up when he's down, Sensei will do it, no questions asked.

Maybe Sensei is dumb and masochistic too, he realizes, as he dialed Siruko-san's number.

After 14 rings, during which Sensei is thinking of a hundred and one ways of killing Mintosu even if he has grown to also be close and endeared to the guy thanks to Siruko-san's efforts of getting the three of them to play together, Siruko finally picked up. He's silent, but Sensei knew he's there, and it just meant he wasn't in the mood to talk. Sensei could pick up the low sounds of sniffing and knew he was crying. Damn it. Sensei could take a million broken bones if it was just him, but just a hint of Siruko-san hurting and his knees lose strength.

"What happened." He demanded, but nothing. Silence answered him. Sensei waits and waits and waits. It always took so much coaxing, because no matter how friendly and sunny and cheerful Siruko-san always appears to be, he's an introvert who has insecurities deeper than the ocean and a long list of anxieties making it hard for him to open up sometimes. But Sensei is a patient man. He's already broken the walls Siruko built, passed through the mazes of Siruko's brilliant mind and fragile heart, and if Siruko-san makes more walls, Sensei won't ever be tired of breaking it down. Because beyond those walls is a precious, child-like heart that only wanted to be loved and accepted and happy, and it was very simple to give those things to him. Sensei knew he could give it.

"Minben-san."

"What."

"He…" Sensei sees it without really seeing it. The opening of the waterworks, tears flowing down. "He promised.. he'd come."

And Sensei understood immediately. Goddamnit, that fucking idiot. He could picture Siruko waiting, checking his phone from time to time, waiting for a Discord notification. Smiling and laughing as people wish him happy birthday, and it makes him happy, it really does, but it's different.

"Sensei.. you're really smart, right? You're love-sensei, right? So can you tell me…" Siruko sobbed, breaking Sensei's heart to a million pieces. "...what do you do.. when the one who means the most to you… is the one who didn't show?"

Sensei held his breath. Horror games he can do. Minecraft he can do. This? He doesnt fucking know how to fix this.

"Sensei… thank you by the way… you… you gave me superchat even in the middle of you streaming…You always do that, and it’s really thoughtful...  that was really nice… thank you."

And Siruko dropped the call. Sensei clenched his fist, wanting to punch something. It was 4am, but he moved into motion almost without thought. Bought a train ticket to Tochigi and boarded the first train as soon as the station opened, carrying nothing but his wallet and phone and earpods. It took about two hours, and he stared as the view changed from high-rise skyscrapers to something a little more green, a little more rural. He took a cab to the address he knew so well; he's been here so many times that he's already a familiar face.

"Sensei..?" Hakotaro-san opened the door, surprised, but also relieved. He let him in without so much ado, even though it was too early. Sensei realized it's a Sunday, and it's still breakfast time. It's a weird time to come over a house, but maybe Hakotaro-san has an idea of why he came. He said "ojamashimasu” and took off his shoes.

Papataro and Mamataro were surprised to see him, but they welcomed him with warm smiles, asked him how he'd been, took him to the dining table and forced him to eat breakfast with them. Sensei really likes them--this house, their family--and it makes him miss his own back in Hokkaido. He apologized for coming unannounced and gave them the big cake he bought in haste because it's rude to come to a house without a gift, and they waved him off, telling him it's alright, although Siruko-chan's still in his room, probably still asleep. It's not a surprise to Sensei because he knows Siruko-san doesn't eat breakfast. He chatted with them and felt warm, because they treat him like he's a part of the family too, and Sensei knows where Siruko-san got his kindness from. Siruko and Hakotaro got their looks from their father, but they both got their mother's sweet smile.

He waited in the living room and scratched Baron absently as Hakotaro-san came up to his Niisan's room, and Sensei chuckled when he heard Siruko's loud, panicked shriek. Sensei liked cats more than dogs, but Baron is a good good boy. He's a bit older now so he's calmer and more domestic than most dogs, and Sensei loves his quiet company. Hakotaro-san came again and brought him snacks and a glass of water, and Baron followed his master and jumped on his lap like he's still a puppy even though he's bigger now. They sat in silence, because while they're friendly enough to have exchanged banter or two, Sensei's actually a bit more quieter and serious off the camera, off his online persona. The silence was actually nice, comfortable even, because it gave Sensei time to think and evaluate. Why the hell did he come here so impulsively?

"You would have been better for him, Sensei."

Sensei almost choked on his own spit, actually coughed a bit at that statement, shock covering his face. Hakotaro-san continued to brush Baron's fur as if he just announced the weather and not like he just delivered the finishing blow to Sensei's already pining heart.

"I--uh… what?"

"Don't get me wrong. I love Minben-san too, and I can see how he tries his best to make Niisan happy, and I'm supportive of them. But Minben-san…. He's too independent, too free. Niisan's better off with someone he can spoil but also someone who spoils him. Niisan likes to be needed, but also is needy himself. I know Minben-san is trying, and I know he loves Niisan with all his heart, but if it was you, Sensei, it would have been easier. Less clashing. You're both equals in a sense that Niisan can give and take, that… forgive my Kansai metaphor for the lack of better expression, Niisan can be boke but also tsukkomi. You balance each other in a way."

And the truth is, Sensei did think that too. It's not that Mintosu-san is a bad guy, but he's someone that was already happy and content by playing games, and complicated things like emotions and things like that is not his forte. He's been friends with the guy long enough to know who he actually is even off the camera. Mintosu did not strike him as someone who could be raw and open, which is something you need for a relationship to work. And Mintosu also seemed that kind of guy who would feel confined with the commitments of a relationship.

Mintosu-san is a great guy, a really good person, but he's not a natural lover. He's tough and doesn't mince his words and doesn't do the hearts-and-flowers and the feelings thing, and that's not wrong, but sometimes Sensei thinks he has a better relationship with his fans and listeners than with Siruko-san. He was always more considerate of them, kinder, gentler, and maybe it’s because that kind of human interaction is simpler and easier.

But that doesn't mean Mintosu didn't love Siruko. Heck, it's a testament to how much he loves Siruko-san because he always tries hard to be what he's not. Sensei knew that Mintosu-san tries his best to remember important events, to send gifts and take Siruko out on dates, to be more generous with his I love yous. Mintosu-san is good for Siruko-san; he knows Siruko-san full well and understands every part of him, and they can be a really good team when they try hard enough. They have this shared history that Sensei can't ever replicate. Sensei acknowledged, respected, and supported their relationship with all his being; heck, he's even the one that triggered it into happening. 

And Sensei hated himself everyday for this, but he wished he was Mintosu. That if one thing had been different in this universe, he wished he could have been what Siruko's heart wanted. That he was the one who received Siruko's kind, loving smiles, who got to make love to him, who got to give him the happiness he very much deserved. Limone-sensei would have been so good to Siruko-san, would have given him the attention he craved and the reassurances he needed. He would have been strict to him because Siruko tended to forget everything when he's so addicted to a game, would have crashed his stream to scold him to eat, but he also would have given in to Siruko's whinings, because there's very little Sensei can deny Siruko-san. He already does all of these things, but only as a friend, never more than that. He would have given him the universe if Siruko-san asked for it. 

But Sensei had no time to indulge this self-pity, because his universe came out of the room, covered head to toe with a soft, velvety brown blanket. His beautiful purple eyes were puffy from crying, and he looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. Sensei wanted to bundle him up and just envelop him in his arms to protect him from anything that might hurt him, but in this universe, he didn't have the right to do that.

"What are you doing here?" Siruko-san pouted. Sensei wondered if he was disappointed that it wasn't his lover that came to surprise him. His voice was hoarse, either from streaming or crying, Sensei didn't know, but he hated it. Hated that he couldn’t take care of Siruko-san the way he wanted to, because in this universe, Siruko’s heart wants what it wants, and that was Mintosu-san. 

"I brought you cake. Happy late birthday."

"I don't like sweet things though." Siruko-san sat between his brother and Sensei and casually placed his head on Sensei's shoulder, because they're close enough friends he could do that. Totally platonic, to Sensei's disappointment, but Sensei let him. That's one thing about Siruko-san, he's clingy and surprisingly craves touch. Sensei draped one arm over him and pats Siruko's shoulder, and he thought about where he finds this easy to do, Mintosu would have been repulsed yet forced to give this level of affection. He felt bad for Mintosu-san, but not that much, because at least Siruko's heart belonged to him.

Sensei rolled his eyes in response. "Yeah, like I didn't know that. It was lemon cake."

Siruko snorted playfully underneath the blanket. "Because it's from you?"

"What else?"

The three of them sat in silence for a while. It should have been weird but it wasn't, at least not to them. Sensei decided to break the silence and finally reveal what he came here for. His exhaustion suddenly washed over him--a few intermittent naps on the train wasn't enough--but he had to do this. He'll never let Siruko-san cry again, not if he can help it.

"Go take a bath and wear some nice clothes, bakatare. We're going somewhere."

Siruko sat up like a puppy who had been called to attention. "Where?"

"To Nara, to Mintosu-san's house."

He saw the hurt and betrayal and refusal in Siruko's eyes, but there was also this hope and desire that made Sensei feel what he's doing is right even though it's not what he wants to do at all. "I-it's okay Sensei," Siruko denied, "I-it's really okay and I… I'm used to this. Minben-san texted me that he forgot and got tired from streaming so he fell asleep, that's all. You don't have to do this and I… I'm fine."

Sensei stared at him hard and Siruko flinched. "There's no reason to go there, and besides, I'm sure he's busy, and--"

"Does there need to be a reason?!" Sensei suddenly raised his voice, and he stilled himself. Sometimes it's so hard to control his emotions, and he's so so angry but he can't be, because there was no black and white here. He can't blame Mintosu for unknowingly hurting Siruko because he had never been that kind of guy anyway, one who prepares romantic stuff to surprise his lover on his special day. It was an honest mistake on his part, and even that was just, so Mintosu. And he also can't blame Siruko-san for this, for expecting something more, because it was his right as a boyfriend, his right to get the simple happiness he wanted. Sensei took a deep breath to calm himself. Here were two people who loved each other but sucked at showing it, and if all they needed was a little push, a little nudge to the right direction, then Sensei was willing to make himself fall apart just so they could both be whole.

"You want to see him, don't you?" Sensei said in a hushed voice. He glanced at Hakotaro-san who didn't interfere and made a reaction, just watching them. "If you want to see him, that's good enough reason, Siruko-san. And when you see each other, you'll fight and be at each other's throat, but also make up and forgive, because you can't let this misunderstanding be unresolved. It'll be a festering wound, and I can only see this incident as something that'll come back and bite you in the future. I know both of you too well because you are my friends. I know you, Siruko-san, that you'll say you're fine now but you'll never forget this, and you'll bring this up against him every time you see the chance, because you were hurt and you'll want him to acknowledge it. And I know Mintosu-san, that he'll get sick of it because he can't tolerate your emotional needs, he'll push you away and turn the blame on you again like he always does, because he has always been a prideful person. And you're both idiots but you're both not wrong for being what you both are. So if I have to drag you to Mintosu-san's house by stuffing all 175cm of you in a suitcase, I swear I will, because you both need to talk."

Siruko freezed, processed everything that Sensei said, and stormed back to his room and shut his door with a loud bang, because for all their silly fighting, Siruko is too similar to Mintosu sometimes, both idiots who likes to bottle their emotions inside of them, and when confronted with it, will run away from it. Hakotaro-san hummed in consideration, making Sensei jump a little because he had honestly forgotten about him.

Sensei cleared his throat. "What?"

"You're right, of course, but I still stand by what I said. Their chemistry is too… explosive, and that can be a good or a bad thing. Their similarities make it stable, but both being water signs, one moment they can be as peaceful as a lake, then the next it's a raging tsunami. Them knowing each other so well works for them, because they have their own level of understanding no one can reach, but that also means they know each other's buttons and what ticks each other off, and they both use it against the other. I don't like that Niisan always has to apologize first and he just goes along with what Minben-san wants so they don't clash, but I also don't like Minben-san being forced to go out of his comfort zone to be this person Niisan needs him to be. Their love can be something so very beautiful, but it can also easily turn into something toxic.

On the other hand, while you and Niisan are very different from each other, it's complementary. What the other lacks, one makes up. People have this misconception that Niisan is outgoing, but he just finds it easier to make friends on the internet. So while you, Sensei, is extroverted, it complements Niisan being introverted. Niisan's patience can keep up with your need to try new things, and your ability to back down works with Niisan's need to be right all the time. You're fire and water and it shouldn't work but it can because you're both emotionally mature and flexible enough to balance each other out."

Sensei didn’t get scared easily, but now he did, because his palms are getting clammy and there might be actual goosebumps at his nape. Was… Hakotaro-san reading his mind? Did Hakotaro-san… know he's been harboring these feelings for his older brother all this time? He knew the younger one had always been observant and intelligent like his Niisan, but to this extent? Sensei resisted the urge to shiver.

"Why… are you telling me this?"

Hakotaro-san shrugged. "No reason. I know Minben-san and Niisan will get through this, especially with you always helping their relationship. I want what's best for my Niisan, but I also want what makes him happy. Give me a moment to talk some sense to him. He'll only go to Nara if you come with him, so, yoroshiku onegaishimasu." Hakotaro-san bowed slightly and Sensei was a second too late to return it, mind reeling from the analysis the blonde just revealed, and by the time he recovered, Hakotaro was already in his brother's room, and he's left alone with Baron and Pii-chan in the living room.

It took everything in Sensei to not get undone in that living room, to kill the rising hope in his heart that maybe, maybe he has a chance. Maybe he should just let this incident go, so that if their relationship sours, Sensei can swoop in and show Siruko-san how to be properly loved and treated. If they break up, Mintosu will be free of this emotion thing that shackles him and do what he loves the most, sometimes more than his own boyfriend, which is gaming, and that would be best for him. And Siruko, sweet, dearest Siruko, won't have to settle with the scraps of affection and attention Mintosu-san gives him, because Sensei can do it. Sensei can come to every one of his birthday stream and be touchy and affectionate and open, and he can love him more than this. 

Gods, he wished he was a horrible enough person so he can be capable of ruining a relationship.

An hour passed, and Hakotaro-san told him his Niisan was calm now, so Sensei entered his room. Siruko, who looks like a burrito with that blanket bundling him, glared angrily at him, but without any heat. Sensei settled on his gaming chair.

"You're mean." And the buriko ojiisan actually stuck his tongue out at him, the nerve.

He's mean?! As if Mintosu didn't bully him every time. Tch. "So?"

"Do you even know how far Tochigi and Nara is? It's like 6 hours away by train."

"And if your dramatic ass didn't throw up a tantrum, we would have been in the train by now."

"See?? Meanie!!" Siruko accused, turning his back to Sensei. "I'm not sure I wanna talk to him. I don't even know what to say to him."

And Sensei thought, this is it. He could say that they didn't have to go, and let this misunderstanding pile up with their other issues until it blows in their face. But he glanced at their rare framed picture on Siruko's desk, with their wide smiles, Mintosu's arm draped over Siruko's shoulder while holding a peace sign and Siruko looking at Mintosu with such adoration in his eyes, and Sensei can’t. 

"I'm sure you can think of something during that stupid 6 hour ride."

And Siruko looked back at him, gave him this soft, grateful smile and said okay, and Sensei tasted cotton balls in his mouth. If only Siruko knew how awful Sensei's thoughts were, he wouldn't be so trusting of him. Sensei's stomach is filled with gravel, and it makes his body heavy and sick with something medicine can’t cure. A martyr, that’s what he was, or a living thing but dead inside. Loving Siruko-san was the most exquisite form of self-destruction.

And in the train ride to Nara, where Siruko spent most of the time sleeping on Sensei's shoulder, Sensei should be feeling happy with this moment of just the two of them. But he didn’t.

It just felt like death by a thousand cuts.

And later, Mintosu, who did this stupid perfect impression of a fish out of the water with his surprise to see them in his apartment, jaw dropped and eyes wide, let them in. Siruko was silent and kept biting his lips, and Mintosu was genuinely confused, and Sensei would like to punch them both and go home. So Sensei acts like a mediator, almost like a marriage counselor, and at first Mintosu and Siruko refuse to let their emotions out, but Sensei shouts at them that he didn't come all the way from Tokyo for this bullshit, so they let their frustrations out and shout at each other, and Mintosu almost storms out in anger but Sensei doesn't let him, and Siruko cries this angry tears but Sensei forces him to calm down, and they both manipulate each other's emotions and are both stubborn and vindictive, but in the end they come to an agreement to be more understanding and more open with their feelings and with a promise to always talk and communicate, and they make up. Sensei faked forgetting to make an important phone call and stepped outside to give them some privacy, because the last thing he needed was to see them kiss in front of him. 

At midnight they went out and ate the best ramen in town and it was really delicious, and they traded jokes and laughed and talked about their favorite things. Sensei slept on the couch while the couple slept in Mintosu's room, and Sensei didn’t really get any sleep, because he's busy trying not to imagine what they must be doing on the other side of the apartment, and hating himself for being unable to be an awful person because once again, he probably has contributed more to this relationship more than any outsider has or needed to, and he tries to be happy for them because they are happy and in love.

Sensei asked the Mintosu's ceiling if he'll be alright and it said, "I don't know."

The last time, it wasn't really the last, but it did feel like the end. It's been more than a year, and one day, as they finished shooting a video, Mintosu DM-ed Sensei.

It's not that unusual, since Mintosu and Sensei did develop their own friendship outside of their collabs, partly because of Siruko. Sensei kind of became their go-to person when they're in trouble with their relationship, and it kills Sensei but also makes him feel like he's not completely a terrible person if he was able to help them out.

It was rare though, for Mintosu to reach out first. So Sensei voice-called him, partly because he wanted to rest his fingers, and partly because he'll be able to hear Mintosu's emotions through his voice.

"Moshi moshi Sensei!"

"Hai hai, mosh mosh, doushita doushita."

"Ano.. I was kind of wondering if… how do you say this… if you had any advice for me..?"

That was weird. Mintosu, unsure of himself? At loss for words? Is there a zombie apocalypse outside his door right now?

"For what?"

"Coz I… um… I'm planning to ask Siruko-san to marry me."

And the world stopped spinning. Time stood still, and the world turned into shades of gray. Sensei’s heart gets caught up in his throat, and his insides were being turned into mush.

"...Sensei?" 

Sensei shook his head to clear his mind, but it's so hard to breathe. He regretted voice calling now, because it's so hard to talk when his throat felt like acid. "C...Congratulations, teme!! W-wow this is such a big.. move, like wow, really. Dude, congrats…"

"Thanks Sensei! You're actually the third person I told, after my family and my best friend. I'm kinda nervous and excited for it!"

"Y-yeah… I bet you are… Listen, can I go to the toilet for a bit?"

"Sure, iterrashai!"

Sensei ran to the toilet and hurled the dinner he ate, his hands shaking. He splashed water on his face to calm himself down. He'd seen this coming, taught himself how to react when he hears the news, trained himself to accept it, but it still came crashing down on him like boulders on a landslide. This was his worst nightmare coming true.

"I’m back."

"Osu!"

"So… advice huh?"

"Yeah! The ring stuff, my bestfriend can take care of that, coz I have zero knowledge in that area hahaha. But I still don't know how to ask him. Should I go for the dinner style? Or the… blegh, ring on champagne thing? Coz I really dont wanna have to, thinking about it makes me puke, blegh."

And Sensei felt horrible for this, he really did, but he told Mintosu… what he let himself imagine in the middle of the night when he lets the devil in him take over, when he would revel in his deepest, darkest fantasies, things he would have done for Siruko-san. How he would have proposed. 

Siruko-san deserved something grand, but also private. Sensei would have made a scavenger hunt for him, but one Siruko can do in his house because he doesn't like going out, so he'll need to ask Hakotaro-san for help. It's perfect for him, since he loves games, and he's good at solving problems and figuring things out. The next puzzle pieces will come from Bintroll, and Siruko-san can VC or chat with them about it. It will give him time to spend with the people he loves the most, and when he looks back at this memory, Siruko-san would love that they were involved. The last puzzle piece would take him to a hotel though, for their privacy. Sensei would have pulled out all stops for him, rose petals and candles everywhere (he leaves this part out because he doesn’t think Mintosu-san will do this, nor does it suit him), and he imagined Siruko-san confused but super touched at the romantic gesture, and then Sensei would come out and give him an embarrassing but heartfelt speech about how much he loves him and wants to spend forever with him, that Siruko was his lifeline (like the character they both like in APEX), that a man like Sensei can only love someone that greatly once, so Siruko was his one and only. Sensei imagined Siruko-san getting a bit emotional with the speech and cracking a joke to lighten the mood, and then he'd fall down on one knee and tell him how he loves everything about Siruko-san, his good leadership and charisma that makes everyone around him respect and treasure him, his supportive side that lifts everyone around him up, and even his demanding, whiny side that makes you wanna scold him but also indulge him. 

And they would have been good for each other. They compensate for what each other doesn't have. They bring out the best in each other. Where Sensei was sometimes emotionally distant, Siruko's empathy and warmth fills that. Where Siruko was full of insecurities and anxieties, Sensei was the confidence and the daring that would support him. They both have a loud personality, which, in a non-arrogant way, has this center-of-attention thing that charms people so well, but also, they both have a side that sometimes hides in the background blending in quietly, and that's what make it's so balanced, because when one roars, the other one knows how to shut up, and vice versa. They can be both assertive and analytical, but they're also both attentive and generous. Sure, they would have had some friction, but they were both understanding enough to have handled it. It would've been sweet, if it could've been him. It would've been fun, if Sensei was the one.

They would have been as natural and beautiful as the purple-blue daybreak sky.

But it wasn't. In this world, it was Mintosu that Siruko wanted and loved. Mintosu who gets to wake up in the morning next to him, who got to cook curry for him and take care of him, who got to hold him in his arms. And they still worked, despite the seemingly destructive fights, because they were proof that if two people tried hard enough, they could make it work. Siruko learned how to assert his opinions and call out Mintosu for his bullshit, and Mintosu learned how to listen and be more showy with his affection. They still have their worse moments, and sometimes they both treat their issues the same way: either pretending it didn't exist even if it bothered them, or giving the other the cold silent treatment, or have screaming fights where they throw their words like knives, and on the worst ones, someone has to interfere, most times (to his agony), it was Sensei who did. But they pulled through by some miracle, and Sensei was happy for them, he really is. They make a good couple when they actually cooperate, and Sensei wouldn’t have approved of any other man other than Mintosu-san for Siruko-san.

And Mintosu-san actually did follow Sensei's advice, to his surprise. Sensei volunteered to make the scavenger hunt for him because that's not Mintosu's strength, but he helped and made an effort to be involved in the process. There were no roses or candles or long speeches, only the few words of: "Siruko-san, I want you to be my partner in everything; in gaming and in life. Marry me." And Siruko didn't believe him at first and thought it was a prank, but when he saw Minben-san was serious for once, he dived into Minben-san's arms and shouted “Yeeees!” And Mintosu-san almost drops the ring but he was able to catch Siruko, and they laughed while their eyes got a bit moist and they spent the whole night reveling in each other's presence and owning each other in all senses. Limone-sensei knew this because they both told him, and he congratulated them sincerely and joked about buying them PC gear for their wedding gift, and later finally let himself cry for the first time.

That was months ago. Sensei's now dusting off his black suit and adjusting his navy blue tie while sitting on his chair, waiting for the wedding ceremony to start. There were two aisles that meet in a center altar, where the officiant is already on standby. Sensei was one of the few lucky people invited in the small ceremony, as usually most people attended the reception instead. Both Mintosu and Siruko wanted him to come, as they said they both owe their relationship to him. Sensei couldn't say no even if he tried, of course. Some good part of him was still proud at what he's done to help, even if his heart dropped to his stomach and shattered to a million pieces at the thought of attending the wedding he very much wanted to be his.

The grooms arrived and walked the aisle, but of course Sensei was only looking at Siruko-san. He was beautiful, with his purple hair combed well and there were no longer dark shadows in his eyes. Not that he has ever been any less beautiful to Sensei, because Sensei found his tired or drunk state equally cute, but this, his wide smile full of nervousness and excitement, his purple eyes shining with glee, it was too much for Sensei, because it wasn't meant for him. He choked on bitter bile and coughed, and beside him Shoichi side-eyed him worriedly. He was the only one who knew, of course. Sensei couldn't have confided in Hanachan; he was already too busy with his own things to think about, and plus, he wouldn’t understand why Sensei backed off. He would have urged Sensei to pursue Siruko-san. Shoichi only knew because he and Sensei went out eating one day and ended up in a bar, and Sensei couldn't hold his alcohol well and accidentally ranted. Shoichi promised he'd never tell anyone, and Sensei knew Shoichi also wanted to ask Sensei why he never tried, but the editor didn’t, only offered silent consolation like a brother. It helped him get through the pain and the heartache, but it never fully healed. This kind of pain lasts a lifetime, because the only love that lasts is unrequited love.

And as they exchanged vows, Sensei tried to let go. He's known for a long time now, what love really means. It meant making difficult, painful choices for the happiness of another person, more than your own. Loving Siruko was the most beautiful and tragic thing he's ever done, but it was okay. He sees Mintosu gaze at Siruko with the same loving eyes he has, and that was good enough. Perhaps such a great love like Sensei had was never meant to be returned, but it will be alright.

And when they kissed, Sensei thought it was okay. People fall in love with people they can't have all the time.

He'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

And this story did have a happy ending, just not for him.

The end.

Ren’s RANT that you don’t have to read:

About the story!

Please don't hate Minsan. I love that guy so much and even though him forgetting birthdays is almost a canon-like thing he can do, my good friend Hotaru (who likes to pretend she is Minsan's wife) pointed out that Minben-san doesn't seem like a person who would forget someone's birthday especially if it was someone special to him. He'd most likely buy you a present, although he might forget to give it to you on your actual birthday. 😂😂😂 and that's okay, it was an honest mistake on his part, that's the reason why Sensei wouldn't punch him and Siruko-san forgave him easily. It's just a Minsan thing and I love him.

I also want to point out that Minsan is also emotionally intellectual in a sense that he analyzes feelings and emotions very well, and if you watch his streams he actually has a side to him that's good at self-introspection. We just think he's not the type to show his vulnerable self, and that's why he doesn't really show up much in Bintroll livestreams, because he's more comfortable with gaming than casual chatting, and that's okay. Please don't think I don't ship MinSiru too; I was the biggest MinSiru fan and I still am, and I have probably influenced so many to their ship too. I like their dynamics as well, but as someone who has watched Minben-san for quite a bit of a long time, lately I realized that when it comes to him, Mintosu x Fans are the true canon ship. If you watch his streams closely, you'll know how much he cares about his listeners and really truly genuinely enjoys his interactions with them. He's a complex man; he has different sides of him in the Hanae channel, Bintroll channel, and his own channel, and if you watch him more, you'll fall in love with how close he is to his listeners. That's why I think Mintosu x Fans is canon www (ship MinRen for world peace and clear skin!!) (Ren who imagines herself with Minsan more than Minsan with Siruty)

I see Mintosu as someone who cannot be tied down by a relationship because that’s not him, and that’s okay because you can already see his happiness by gaming, and I love him for that.

This fic is controversial (and that's why it took me a full week to decide whether to publish it) in a sense that I've given some bad points about MinSiru. I did give them some good points, but since it's Sensei POV, it came across as sad. But just because it would be difficult doesn't mean it wouldn't work. Trust me, I'm in a relationship with someone who's almost like Min-san in personality, but we've been together for almost 3 years now. I used to think Siruko-san was a saint for enduring all Mintosu-san's trolls, coz if that was me, I would be annoyed, but there's a reason why Mintosu only does it to Siruko; it's because he's the most comfortable with Siruko3. Siruko-san is patient and understanding enough to deal with Minsan's quirks, and Minsan is also loves his company. They are more similar than people think, and that's why it's easy for them to be in sync. It'll be difficult, but it'll work. Believe me.

LimoSiru rant:

I think I’m getting better at writing angst wwww it’s just sad because if one really watched closely all four channel’s livestreams and videos, they’d see LimoSiru is beautiful too. They may not have had shared history and sexual tension, but it’s obvious how Siruko-san really supports Sensei in everything, and Sensei in return supports Bintroll even if he didn’t have to, and that’s beautiful.

I think part of the reason why I ship LimoSiru is because they make it so easy for me. It's not my fault when they are the ones who make all these cute, flirty interactions. I've started shipping them since the Fall Guys stream and have noticed how incredibly cute their relationship is. Imagine someone crashing your stream because he had this puzzle he couldn’t solve and because you’re so smart, he goes to you instead, not caring if you are currently streaming or if there are fans watching. Like seriously, Sensei, don’t you have friends? Or couldn’t you just LINE Siruko-san afterwards? If it seems like LimoSiru just happened all of a sudden, I assure you it didn’t. It’s always been there, and they started as friends too. It's almost enemies to friends to something more. In the Dedomental video, Mintosu asks Siruko-san where his name came from, although he jokes it’s kinda dirty. If you watch Sensei’s POV, you’ll hear him laugh and say “I think it’s a good name.” Siruko-san always crashes Sensei’s stream and Sensei does the same, and I found it especially cute when Sensei always superchats in Siruko’s birthday stream; first, when he played DbD with them, and on the second, isn’t it cute how he sends superchat while he’s streaming, like he doesn’t have to do that, but he did. Even in the Bintroll 100k stream, he helped them make the DbD minecraft after his own stream, and that was so on-the-spot, and the fact that he did that even though he could have just ended his stream and rested, is very thoughtful. And have you watched that sudden stream that took our wigs off? Bintroll had just received their silver play and moments later Sensei wanted a stream with Siruko-san, when he could have just congratulated them on Twitter or LINE. The conversations, gods they sound like two people who were in the early stages of dating, and it felt like we listeners were third-wheelers. They learned their lesson on stream #2 because the conversations were more proper and they kept themselves in check, but that raw, unfiltered, natural first stream was everything. I’ve always had so little content for LimoSiru and even if they didn’t do that I would have been happy, but now with that big, fat LimoSiru official thumbnail there, I have died and ascended to heaven. (As of the release of this post, they have interacted almost everyday for a week, and I don't know what to do with all these interactions! I've been so used to little content and now I'm just… dead)

But not everyone ships like me, I guess, one who can ship anything and everything equally. At the end of the day, nothing is canon. That’s the real angst in this post, hahahaha. I know the characters in my mind are different from the people who livestreams in real time, no matter how much I always try to keep the characterization close. So let’s just enjoy supporting them in our own ways.

Thank you for reading! I love you~~

[lunatens]

HI LUNA I'M SO SORRY I'VE BEEN MIA BUT IM BACK NOW EHEHEHE lksjdflksd i love spelling it's just so interesting how words,,, come together?? like what? who ever thought? why not add those extra u's in there? THANK YOU I WROTE ONE ESSAY PER DAY SO NOT THE MOST PRODUCTIVE BUT LIKE I GOT THEM DONE AND THEY'RE PRETTY OKAY IMO SO YAY!!! slkdjfkds i read that as "you're too young" and i was like '??? okey dokey' but it's true!! i could never art haha i mean obv practice but,,, i'll stick to ++

NO WORRIES AT ALL BB IT IS A-OKAY 😎😎 BUT WELCOME BACK HEHE 💖💘💘💓💓

woAH an essay a day :o listen that sounds pretty productive to me and u know what doing something every day is better than nothing!!! 😌😌😌 which is what i did oops haha the new semester starts monday and i haven’t finished my final film backgrounds yet aaaaa i’m pROUD !! u wrote those essays!!!!!! best writer ever i think 🤩🤩

SLFKDKSJ YES ITS SO TRUE like ah yes,, gotta,,, study their personalities and stuff mhm yes homework it’s important 😌 aND YES TBZ = WOWOWOWOW 🥺🥺 such amazing boys (or..boyz hehe)

AND YES UR ASKS LITERALLT MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYYY 😭😭😭 i love them so much ok it’s always so fuN to come on here and be like ohohoho what does 🌻 have to say today!!!! you’re always so sweet and so funny i 😭💖💘💘💘💓

oh yes it’s bang chan lol!!! too many chans 😳 but yeah idk why he just gave me chan vibes so i was like i dub thee chan and that was like two years ago i think? so then i was like well gotta name them all after idols now ig 🥴 but yeah it’s not something i like go out and tell people really so we good 😌😌

LOL as you can see it was not on anon but yes that’s ok!!! i’ve seen u in my notifs hehehe and now i know it’s you!! 🤩🤩 now we can be moots hehe alsO UR NAME IS STORM THATS SO COOL :O

ALSO OKAY Y/N IS 🧠🤏SMALL BRAIN OK don’t ask me why in sm!aus i always gotta make y/n be ✨extremely stoopid✨ at least to some degree glsksk but grrRRR tbh girl needs to have some sense knocked back into her 😤😤dw dw it’ll all be ok in the end or will it?👀

OFMGKSK HOME RUN ON THE LATE LATE SHOW 😭😭😭😭 THEY DID SUCH A GOOD JOB i loved the concept omg 🥺 also dw it’s okay i’ve watched the performance on youtube like a million times (my dad walked in and was like they have a lot of backup dancers and i was like No That’s Just Them)

i’m glad you’ve been doing well!! i’m so sorry things there have been so bad though, i hope you’re doing ok with all that pls you can always talk to me as much as you want about it!!!!!! gosh what a week indeed, i hope things will start to get better soon even if it’s just a little bit at a time 🥺💖 it will be okay!

DLGKJS YOURE SO SWEET I CANT—i’m feeling good though and eating and drinking water and sleeping and all that jazz!! i’m..not being as productive as i should but it’s so hard to motivate myself to do school stuff when i’m at home on break 😔 i’m going back up north tomorrow though! which i’m a lil not looking forward too skfjdjsj mostly because i don’t wanna go back to school where i have like basically no free time at all 😭😭 oh well in 4 months i’ll be done forever 😼😼

ANYWAYS that was so sweet of u like my heart is 💗💗💗💗 omg 🥺🥺 also all those questions back at you how are yOU are you taking care of yourself??? getting outside and stuff?? 🔫 i hope you’ve had a lovely day/night too!!!! forever sending u all the love 😌💖💝💝💕💞💗💓💘💖

[justaseer]

Sic fic just because

Just guys being gay! No toxic things here >:((

Also. I. Do not know the differences between then and than. I should. But i do not. I suffer

—

Kokichi should really be at school, taking boring notes in boring classes. But instead, he was in his room, feeling like overall shit.

He groaned and sat up, already feeling dizzy from the sudden movement. Once he felt better, he trudged to his bathroom. He wanted to sleep but couldn’t, so he decided that he might as well take a shower to cool off.

He looked at the mirror and grimaced, he did not look good. His hair was stuck to his face from sweat, and his cheeks were a gross rosy color. He decided instead of continuing to wallow in self hate, (He did it more often then he’d like to admit,) he would just take a shower and try to sleep again.

—

Once he finished showering, (which took way longer than usual due to fatigue,) he change into a fresh pair of clothes and went downstairs to lay down on his couch. He sighed to himself, turning on a random channel to distract himself for the time being. 

Though, he tried to pay attention to it for the time being. It was playing a danganronpa rerun from what looked like season 47. He couldn’t be too sure though, everything felt a bit fuzzy at the moment. 

Being sick was only fun when you had someone to take care of you.

Finally, he started falling asleep. He paid no attention to his phone, that kept ringing with a bunch of random notifications, that felt like it was taking a sledge hammer and hitting his head with it.

—

When Kokichi was rudely awoken to loud knocking at his door, needless to say he was not happy. He had finally gotten to fall asleep, and some random stranger had to go and ruin that. He placed a pillow over his head and hoped that the person would go away after some time.

Spoiler alert, they didn’t.

Ouma lazily got up and walked up to the door. He just wanted to sleep. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently so. When he opened the door, he was not expecting his best-friend-and-secretly-crush standing there.

“Hey Ouma kun, I’m assuming you were sick today? You- don’t look too good,” he muttered, covering his mouth. Kokichi felt more self conscious then before, but tried to play it off. “Thanks Saihara chan, appreciate it.”

“Ah- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as rude!” Saihara replied, a nervous smile on his face. He peeked around Ouma. “Though, it doesn’t look like you have anyone to take care of you, is that true?” He asked, slightly tilting his head.

Kokichi rolled his eyes, not wanting to do anything but sleep right now. “Yeah, I’m the only one home,” He paused, yawning into his hand. “Why?” He asked looking up at the other. Saihara shifted in place, a small yet bright smile on his face. “If no one’s here to take care of Ouma kun, maybe I can help?”

Yeah, I should really say no. I can just sleep this off, and I don’t need Saihara chan to help. Nope.

“Yeah, sure.” He murmured, already feeling more nauseous then before. Maybe because he felt like he had a whole swarm of butterflies in his stomach. 

Or maybe because he was sick.

He moved to the side as he walked in, his eyes exploring the house. “Have you eaten yet?” Saihara asked, his voice sounding soft and sincere.

“Nnnope. Tired.” Kokichi muttered, laying back down onto the couch. He already had a small headache, he knew it was probably going to get worse with another person nearby. 

“Alright then. Is it fine if I make you something? I can make some pretty decent stuff if I try really hard!” Saihara declared, a bright smile on his face. Kokichi slightly winced from the sudden noise, but just nodded.

Luckily, Ouma was able to fall asleep after a few minutes. Maybe having Saihara take care of him wouldn’t be so bad.

—

“Heyyy uh Koko? You awake?” Saihara quietly asked, poking his cheek. Kokichi groaned and sat up, combing his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m awake. Did something happen?” He asked, looking around.

Shuichi stood up, smiling as bright as ever. “Well, I made you some food! It’s just some eggs though. I’m not super good at cooking, you know,” He replied, his voice trailing off near the end.

Kokichi giggled, “I know, I remember once you tried to make instant noodles and the pot overflowed,” Shuichi immediately flushed, looking embarrassed as ever. “Hey! I forgot about it!- It’s not like I did it on purpose!”

Shuichi brought him the plate of food, and Kokichi quickly finished eating it. He and Saihara put on an old season of Danganronpa and ended up binge watching it together.

Though, with their hands intertwined and the way Ouma was laying his head on Shuichi’s shoulder, it’s not like either of them minded.

—

Hh I hope this is alright,, I’m so sorry this is so late,, writers block nd stress,, i hope u like it! 

-------------  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! BRENRBNEBNRN BJHBF I LL)VOVOE I LOVW RHRTHIS SO MUCHCHHCJ!!!!!!!! ITHS SO CUTEEE NADNMD WHOLESOME FLUFFY FLUFF AA!!! It’s fine that it was like a bit late or somethn i have no life :)  this was wwwwwwwaaaaaay worth the smol wait! aaH I love thisssssss! Just like,,, aaaaaWwww sick dayyy nn saihara took care of oma nmnbm aa i love stuff like thatttt!! nnN n aaaaa i just absolutely adore thissssssss aaaaa

[carapeace]

(ok so the keep reading thing is being Weird And Mean so i had to repost the whole thing)

(i’m sorry @involuntarydiaphragmspasm​ if you got multiple notifs for this i was tryna figure out how to make it work aaaaa)

but here it is if you want to read!! sorry i just saw the shark and kinda ran with the first idea that popped into my head and thus may have not captured all the other emojis well enough oops

Thanks so much for the ask!! 💞

~~

There were few things in this world that Nino Lahiffe was afraid of.

And when he says few, he means very few. Heights? No problem. Snakes? They were cool. Spiders? Irritating, but not scary. (Unless you happened to be Anansi.)

But sharks?

That was at the top of his fears list. Public enemy number one. Maybe it was seeing Jaws when he was five years old or maybe it was the turtle in him, but he hated sharks.

The rest of his fears list was remarkably small. The dark (since he was a kid), blood, public speaking, and Kagami Tsurugi.

(He couldn’t help it. She terrified him.)

So he was not thrilled, to say the least, to be trapped in an aquarium with nobody but Kagami to keep him company.

This was gonna be a long akuma fight.

They were all there in the first place because Marinette was paired up with Adrien on a marine biology project, and the two of them had to go to the aquarium to research, and of course Marinette couldn’t spend more than five minutes alone with Adrien without spontaneously combusting so she had to invite Alya as backup and then Alya invited Nino so she wouldn’t be third-wheeling and then Adrien asked Kagami and by some miracle she could come.

So the five of them went to the aquarium that day, Marinette and Adrien taking notes on the animals and Alya marveling at how cute the two of them were and Nino trying not to show how scared he was. He had no idea what Kagami was doing--he refused to look at her, because you never look your fears right in the eye.

Alya noticed he was acting apprehensive about halfway through, and she nudged him. “Everything all right, babe? You’re looking kind of pale.”

He nodded, managed a smile. Not even Alya knew how scared he was of sharks. And he couldn’t explain it to her now--she’d probably laugh. (Not in a mean way, in a boy-isn’t-it-ironic-that-I-made-you-face-your-worst-fear-by-accident way. He loved his girlfriend more than life, but sometimes she could be kind of tactless, and he didn’t really feel like having this conversation.) So he waved his hand. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

She clutched his arm and pointed straight ahead. “Look! A tunnel!”

He looked. It was indeed a tunnel.

She started pulling him by the elbow, holding up her phone. “We can watch all the fish swim around us! I’ve only seen this kind of thing in movies--c’mon!”

Marinette and Adrien were already inside, taking notes on the animals that they saw and reading the signs. Kagami was following them. She stepped into the tunnel and the blue light washed over her--she looked like a kid stepping into a candy store, her eyes lighting up, her mouth dropping open at the sharks swimming overhead and all around.

That was one long tunnel... Nino couldn’t even see the exit.

He gulped.

“All right.”

He took a tentative step inside the tunnel, trying not to cringe as a shark passed by overhead. Alya was all over everything, reading signs about the water pressure, about all the different animals. She always looked ethereal when she was passionate about something.

Nino tried not to imagine a shark swooping down and biting her head off.

Don’t think about that, don’t think about that...

Quite suddenly, there was a loud siren that made them all jump. Akuma alert, the loudspeaker blared. Akuma in the jellyfish hall. Please shelter in place immediately.

Oh, shit, Nino thought.

Marinette went pale and dropped her notebook, Adrien lunging and catching it just in time. He handed it to her. “I think... I think I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Uh, yeah... I think I left my purse in the touch pool room,” Marinette stammered. “I don’t want to lose it during the attack.”

They shared a glance, then sprinted toward the tunnel exit and out of sight.

Alya had to call Nino’s name several times before he heard it, and when he turned to her, she grinned and held her phone up. “I’ve got to film this. Ladybug and Chat Noir will be here any minute!”

And she ran off, too.

Not a minute too early, because the loudspeaker kept saying please shelter in place and then suddenly the ends of the tunnel were starting to close and the siren was going off and everything was too loud and he was trapped.

Nino Lahiffe was trapped in an enclosed tunnel, facing two of his five greatest fears in the face.

Shit shit shit.

Fear number five still hadn’t moved. She was staring at the sharks, eyes wide, washed in the blue light from the water. She followed a shark with her eyes.

Nino sat down and tried not to tremble.

Shiiiiiiit.

Then, so suddenly it made him jump, she snapped her head toward him, eyes locking onto his. Like an owl. Or a shark. “Nino, is it?”

He cleared his throat. “Yes.”

“I don’t think we’ve met.”

“Yeah.”

Silence. Nino tried not to watch the sharks. He pigeon-toed his feet inwards. This nightmare couldn’t be over fast enough.

The silence was actually kind of peaceful, he thought. If he didn’t think about the sharks. Or Kagami. If he just thought about the water, the coral, the calmness of it all--

“Is Nino a full name or a nickname?”

He jumped again. “Jeez, dude, don’t do that, you scared me--”

“Oh,” said Kagami. She looked down at her feet, and he swore she looked--sad? No. Trick of the light.

“Nino’s my full name,” he said quietly. “I don’t have any nicknames.”

He made the mistake of looking to the left then, and a giant shark passed by, so big his whole body could fit in its mouth. It took him a minute to realize his arm was trembling and another minute to steady himself.

He leaned against the wall that had trapped him in the tunnel, hoping it would open, wondering if it would make him feel better or worse to play some music right about now. On the one hand, no more awkward conversations with Kagami. On the other hand, a shark could easily attack him and he wouldn’t hear anything.

He decided the safest bet was to leave the headphones off.

“What’s your blood type?”

“What?”

Kagami turned towards him. She looked so much like a shark in this light that it gave him the shivers. “Your blood type.”

“I don’t know.” And he didn’t really want to talk about it. Blood was fear number three. He didn’t much feel like adding another fear to the pile right about now.

“That’s very interesting. Marinette didn’t know hers, either. I suppose it’s a French thing, to not know your blood type. I am O.”

“Huh.”

She resumed her post, watching the animals. He’d have thought she was a statue, how still she was. “Do you like sitting there?”

“What?”

“Sitting where you are. Do you like it?”

Nino shrugged, and then the impossible happened--she walked over next to him and sat down.

This day could not get any worse.

She looked at him, and somehow he found himself looking back, even though you never look your fears in the eye, Lahiffe, what are you DOING?

“Do you drink orange juice?”

He shook his head to clear it and looked at the ceiling--no, don’t look there, there are sharks. There was a fear everywhere he turned. The safest bet was just to look at the floor.

“Yeah, sometimes,” he said to his sneakers.

“Me, too,” she said.

And then something weird took hold of his words and suddenly he choked out “do you like soda?”

She shrugged, looked up at the sharks above. “My mother says that soda has too much sugar. But she allowed orange juice. It was the sweetest drink I had as a kid. I always loved it. Sometimes I had it for dessert.”

“Orange juice for dessert?” he cried.

Kagami looked at him with a weird expression on her face. “Yes. What?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled. “It’s just--you should try soda. When you get the chance.”

“Okay,” she replied, and they lapsed into silence.

Nino thought of Alya, whether she was getting herself into trouble or whether she was staying safe. He really hoped she was okay, that she wasn’t in too much danger.

“What’s your favorite animal?” said Kagami.

“Turtle,” replied Nino without thinking.

Kagami cocked her head. “Why?”

“They’re--” he thought. “They’re survivors.”

Kagami nodded sagely, like he’d just said something very wise.

“What about you?”

“Dragon,” said Kagami. “Even though they’re not real in the technical sense. They’re powerful, in a special kind of way. But if I had to pick a real animal... sharks. I’ve never seen one in person before.”

Sharks.

Of course this girl’s favorite animal would be sharks.

Kagami frowned. “Is everything all right, Nino?”

Nino filled up his lungs, emptied them. He stuck his head between his knees.

“I’m scared of sharks.”

It was very strange saying the words out loud. He’d never told anybody that, not even Alya. Not even Chris. And now here he was, telling his fifth fear about his first fear for no particular reason--what was going on with him today?

There was a few seconds of silence, and then Kagami said, “Oh. Was that why you looked so uncomfortable?”

Nino nodded.

“I’m sorry, Nino.”

Nino blinked. “It’s all right. I’m sorry--I shouldn’t have even--forget it.”

Silence for one two three four five six seven heart-stopping seconds--

Then Kagami reached out a tentative hand and placed it on his shoulder. She left it there for a few seconds and made something that resembled a smile, and it dawned on Nino in that moment that maybe she was a little bit afraid of him, too.

She retracted her hand and wrapped her arms around her legs, curled up in a ball. Both of them watched the water overhead.

He turned to her. “What kind of music do you listen to?”

“I don’t.”

He laughed. When she didn’t join in, he stopped. “You’re serious.”

She nodded. “My mother says it’s a distraction.”

“You don’t listen to music?”

She shook her head, looking politely bewildered. “Is that bad?”

Nino, in a split-second decision, pulled his headphones off his neck and placed them on her ears, sweeping her hair out of the way. She sat up straight, surprised. “What--”

“Trust me.”

He picked up his phone and scrolled through the library--a song that Kagami would like. What song would Kagami like? He barely knew the girl. Ten minutes ago she was his fifth greatest fear, and now...

Now he didn’t know.

He picked out a lofi song, slow and calm, with a low beat that always reminded him of the color blue. He pressed play, and at first Kagami looked surprised, but after a couple of seconds she relaxed and started to close her eyes.

That day was the first time Nino had ever seen Kagami Tsurugi smile, eyes closed, head leaned back on the floor of the aquarium during an akuma attack while Ladybug and Chat Noir were off doing who knew what and there was water on all sides of them and the sharks swam and danced overhead.

It was gorgeous.

By the time Nino left the aquarium that day, one of his fears was gone.

[bigbroemen]

If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications ✔ anonymously or not :) let's get to know the person behind the blog ❤️

aaaaa ty han!! this is kinda fun

ok 1! i have 5 siblings: an eldest sister (33), three older brothers (30, 25, and 24), (me, 22) and a youngest sister (19). we all have kind of moved in the same direction in the past 15 years or so away from the ‘christian lifestyle’ our parents wanted us to live and have expanded our horizons and are continuing to do so, and we all have a pretty awesome bond because of it.

the youngest sister and next oldest brother after me have blogs on here! @sun-flower-juice and @skeriouss respectively (happy birthday to @skeriouss he just turned 24 today!)

2, when i was in elementary school and middle school, i had. an obsession. with kirby. half the games i played were kirby games. when i was 7-9 i would replay levels and the ending to kirby nightmare in dreamland over and over and over and over. kirby 64 was the first game i ever bought. he was all i ever drew, i would draw comics and standalone pictures. i would write about him, i would write about going on adventures with him or BEING a kirby. i was a kid but it was also ridiculous. i kind of knocked at off at the start of high school, i wanted the title of “guy who only thinks about kirby” shaken off me going into it.

i still love kirby a lot, i have a tattoo of ripple star on my chest bc that world is deep embedded into my childhood and kind of my self as a result. i just dont keep up with him as much, i havent checked out a kirby game since return to dreamland. maybe i should check out star allies??

3! when i was in 10th grade i dated this guy named gene, he was like. he got held back a year so he was in the 9th and he was like a witch or did black magic or smth and pretended to be possessed at his catholic church, he wore his bangs in front of his face, he had a sketchbook w like stiched up hearts and skulls and old dolls and, he was like That. i had him come to my youth group to meet some of my friends there who were also kinda like That. he ended up hanging out w one of the other gay guys that was there at the mall later, and they kissed at a hot topic. the other gay guy told me real solemn like next sunday and i just shouted “THE JIG IS UP” bc deep in my heart i already knew gene was a bitch

thats all ty to anyone who read

[mirthless-misanthrope]

fanfic writers appreciation day (i’m so late)

thank you to everyone that tagged me in Writer’s Appreciation Day posts and all that!! sorry, i’m just making one post about it because well... i’m really late since today has been... well, it’s kinda been the worst, but i wasn’t expecting anyone to send anything to me, or mention me, or anything, because i don’t really feel as if i deserve that sort of thing, but i’m so so grateful and i smiled at the notifications i got! to all of you that mentioned me, thank you!!

@kittenburps you were the first person to mention me, and rest assured, i was straight up crying because it was so so unexpected! i’m really glad you thought to mention me!

@bunnywritings bun-bun!!! i mean, i’m still kinda shocked you follow my blog, so when you mentioned me for this whole thing?? i was freaking out!!!! you probably know i want to be your friend already (i’m just so so bad at starting conversations because being social is real hard for me sorry) so it made me really happy to be noticed by you!!

@heavens-doar hello dear!! i see your posts on my dash a lot, and i’ve loved every word of them! i noticed that you said you were going to go back to being a silent fan, so i just wanted to say that you can come scream at me!! i understand not really... knowing how to talk to people (i mean, hello, i’ve wanted to talk to bun-bun for like two months but i’m kinda dummy thicc and aljdfladksjfl) but i promise i don’t bite! honestly i’m probably more shy than you are afjalsdkfjls;df

now for some tags other than those, hopefully you all know i appreciate you a lot:

@thewinterwaifu you’re my winter waifu child and i love you to pieces! al;ksdjf;ls i’m still kinda shocked i managed to start talking to you, it’s kinda funny actually because i’m still,,,,, kinda shy when i dm you whoops

@jojo-blurbs you’re my DMC mama!!! (and just mom in general i guess lol) and i’m so so glad you put up with me and my annoying bullshit all the time! you’d better know that your writing is The Good Shit and i love it and i love you lajlfak

@jojowritings my child!!!!! you bet i appreciate you!! you also put up with my constant bullshit and i really don’t know how the hell you do it but!!! i love you so much!!

@jojo-at-his-computer i see you on my dash and you seem really cool! sorry if this like,,,, scares you alkjdflaksdf i just want you to know i appreciate you!

@dongiovannaswife i see you around a lot too!! lakjdflaskdf i hope you don’t find me weird for tagging you in this, i just appreciate you aaaaaaa,

@kujosden you made me all flustered when you did my matchup akdljfl;akdfj i don’t really think i’m all that cute or sweet, but it made me all happy when you said all that so i really appreciate you too!

@lovethemsopinku aaaaaah!!!! you’re such a good rp partner! i’m in love with your writing style and i love you aaaaaaah!!!!!! you’ve supported me, i’m just sorry if i come off as afraid, i’m just nervous lksdjf;ljsd

@rohans-wig aaaaa i love you and your writing too!!!! i saw that josuke and good grades s/o scenario and i cried because it was so good aaaaagh-

@jojosfluffyadventure aaaaaaaaaa i mainly know you through sofie, but i 100% ship you with mikitaka! i saw your self indulgent fic on my dash and oh my god, i shipped it immediately. the way you wrote it was so so good and calming and aaaagh, you’re so good!!

@shewriteswithexperience i remember finding you from your merman bruno and merman risotto stuff and it was... oh boy, i love all your merman stuff!!! actually, i love all of your writing aaagh,

@just-another-jojo-account i know you just went on hiatus but really, you’re such a sweetheart, and i know you’re hurting right now, so just know i notice you and i care so so much, okay? i would love to be your friend i’m just... really really bad at taking the initiative and starting conversations, i’m sorry aaaaaa

@staruplatinum your writing actually inspired me to write risotto!! sorry if you like..... don’t want to interact with me, i just thought you should know i appreciate you! even though stuff’s been going on, i still think you’re really cool, and i really wish you the best, my dear.

@dolphin-enthusiast i’ve seen that you’re doing really well in the community! i’m really glad for you, and it’s been quite nice seeing your writing pop up from time to time. i hope the fandom is treating you nicely ^^

aaaagh i....... am half asleep so i might be forgetting people, and i’m sorry, but i love all of you! i love this whole community tbh jsdfl;kasdjflsf

[halloweentownofmuses]

Pass the happy! 💛 When you get this reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications.

( Aaaaa Okay! Let’s do thissss!! )

I got to meet someone today called Balthazar, Like that’s his legal name and it made me smile today. 

Trying new art and drawing styles and techniques to work into my own pieces. 

Introducing people into new series, characters and ideas for things.

People being positive about my Ideas for my AU 13th Doctor that I have worked out things for over on @timelessfalltoearth

My followers and friends who I have made from coming back to RPing this year so far and the ones I hope to make in the future!