#AND THERE GOES LIFEGIVERS HARD WORK

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

Log 219

FTL: FTLR-3 has started moving around. I can confirm that it behaves similarly to a lizard, though nothing especially like a cyan lizard specifically. It's been moving about the chamber, but it hasn't yet made any attempts to break out. It knows that it won't work.

FTL: This type of learning is not something that lizards usually do. They keep going and going, even if it's to their own peril. Though they have learned of typical signs of threat - but that's through cycles of experience and reinforcement. They have also been recorded as able to be tamed, which once again, is heavily reliant on external reinforcement. Learning within a single cycle that attempting to escape is futile without any sort of external source providing reinforcement showcases a level of learning capacity above that of any other sort of Rot - and above that of any other lizard.

FTL: As curious as I am about FTLR-3, I am completely aware of the fact that this makes it highly dangerous - moreso than most other Rots. I would continue to research it, ignoring the danger, but I don't believe that that's possible right now. Unfortunately. I may not value my own life, but interacting with it is not a good idea. Mostly due to the fact that LIFEGIVER's shipment has arrived. FTLR-3 will be eradicated soon. I... I will not interfere.

FTL: I'm highly disappointed in myself that I didn't manage to get more research done, but I do not think there was much research that could be done. My interest in the project has long since faded, and while rationale dictates that that does not matter and I should have continued my study, that would have been fruitless. There were no interesting behaviours from it, and there wasn't much I could have done.

FTL: As for the corrosive substance I was attempting to develop, well. I've succeeded. It would not be effective against Rot though. Or well, against anything at all. The liquid is corrosive, but barely so. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not cut out for chemistry. Thankfully so, as it is dreadfully boring. And now I do not have to continue in my attempts, due to LIFEGIVER's cure being here, as previously mentioned.

FTL: The organisms carrying the chemical have made their way into my structure, which was slightly unpleasant. The feeling of creature crawling around on me is not one I enjoy. I just wish that the creatures get to FTLR-3 as soon as possible, and let me grieve the loss of high potential for research.

FTL: I never did figure out what FTLR-3 truly was. A Rot, of course, but the fact that it doesn't fit into any of the three sub-groups bothers me heavily. I'll leave it as an outlier for now, but a new group shall be created if another Rot similar to FTLR-3 is ever created. Which is highly unlikely.

FTL: That does lead me to remember a train of thought I had earlier on in the cycle. Will FTLR-3 escape the confines of the Great Cycle as other Rots do? I believe that some iota of intelligence is needed in order to be part of the Great Cycle, alongside being mostly organic. That first requirement is what bars all Rots (and while us Iterators definitely do fit the first requirement, the second one is the reason why we are excluded. We may be organic in part, but we still are majority mechanical.), would it do the same for FTLR-3?

FTL: ...Let's hope it does. But the more I think about it, the more I doubt it. While I am unsure about the level of intelligence necessary, I do know that lizards possess it. As established before, FTLR-3 goes beyond that. Well. If this worst-case scenario does happen, then I will know. I'll be on the lookout, just in case it wakes up where it was first created, though I think it's more likely that it would do so in the containment chamber where it's been for the past several cycles.

FTL: What will- ....should I do if that does happen though? I cannot keep relying on LIFEGIVER to continue eradicating it over and over, completely pointlessly. And while I do relish the opportunity to potentially research it more, and with time to do so. It... I cannot release FTLR-3 as I do with my other experiments I no longer need. That would permanently wreck my regions. Nor can I allow it to continue inhabiting that room. As I've stated before, it will find a way out.

FTL: I do not know what to do. If it gets trapped in the Great Cycle, does that mean that it has Karma? If so, is it possible for it to ascend via Void sea? Either way, I have no options. I have no way to ascend it or remove it from the Great Cycle somehow. It'd just have to remain in the containment chamber, growing more and more dangerous by the cycle. I do not want that.

FTL: I do believe that I have no proper way out of this situation if FTLR-3 does happen to be trapped in the Great Cycle alongside most lifeforms. If that is the case - which I am now almost fully convinced it is - then I am most likely doomed to die via Rot. A very volatile one that can and will spread out easily.

FTL: I... I am not going to record the other things I was going to talk about in this log. Apologies to future me (...if you even exist) but I have no time.

FTL: I need to think.

[cult-of-the-placeholder]

Uhhhh so. I can't draw, so please don't throw rocks at me 😅 is anyone gonna see this? DUNNO. But I'm throwing it into the void anyway

Behold: 4 cute babies for me to traumatize with my War on the Lamb AU

This AU wouldn't exist without @heketsbroodau and their amazing fics. Go read them! Literally right now! All of them! Every single one!!!!!!!

The general idea this WotL AU works with goes as follows:

- The demigod children of the bishops (cousins), quailing and listless in the wake of their parents' slaughter, decide to counter attack and wage war on the lamb for ruining their lives and killing the family they loved so dearly

- In each brood, one was voted amongst the siblings to take up the Crowns to use their power to lead the vengeance quest (because the crowns are at least partially sentient, I imagine that they vanished when their bearers died to keep themselves from being ceased)

- The children have mostly been raising themselves since the lamb destroyed... literally everything

- They're planning to essentially use one of themselves as a sacrifice: taking up the Red Crown and agreeing to be locked away in eternal banishment to prevent it from ever causing trouble and strife again

Though their ages when each Bishop died varies, they are in order: Adami, Ylindri, Phereo, and finally No Name. When Shamura dies, their ages go as follows: 19 (Adami), 14 (Ylindri), 12 (Phereo), No Name (9). When the story kicks off they'll all likely be in their 20s but I haven't decided fully yet.

Adami:

As the oldest amongst the cousins, she feels it is the duty of her and her siblings to look after the younger ones. She loves them all very much, every, single, one. She and her dad were really close, and though she didn't have his aptitude for magic she was a born scientist at heart. She was always tucked away in the temple labs, fussing with bacteria cultures and scribbling in her notebooks. Thoroughly enjoyed Kallamar's genetics hobby, and still has the the very first genome they ever wrote together memorized

When he died, she and her siblings all felt it. They heard the commotion and tried so, so hard to get to him, but Kallamar had cast a magic ward on the temple's inner sanctum, preventing his children from entering or even coming near, not trusting that Narinder's appetite for destruction wouldn't extend to his little ones. He was right, and only after he'd been dead for several hours did the barrier fade

Adami wrote her own speech for his funeral but was crying too hard to deliver it, so it fell to her older sibling to speak on her behalf. She was very much a daddy's girl, and prays at his shrine almost every day, wishing for a peaceful afterlife for him, begging her uncle to be kind (though she knows he won't be)

She splits the Blue Crown with one of her siblings: she's the best scientific mind they've got and is therefore excellent for inflicting biowarfare, but she's got -3 magical ability and so whenever there's need for mass healing or protective magic, it goes to her sibling

Would've probably become a very sweet, bubbly person if not for losing Kallamar. She's a lot more reserved these days, but is still generally pretty peppy when excited about something

Ylindri:

As mentioned above she's the most unbalanced of Shamura's children: meaning, while their domain is wisdom and war, she skewed heavily toward the first one. The majority of the spiderlings (eleven of them in total) are right in the middle, wielding their brains and brawn as one. There's only one other severe skew like Ylindri: her older sister, who's very skewed toward war

A scholar first and foremost, she spent countless days studying medicine and old divine texts trying to find a way to help her Lifegiver's brain damage. She regularly helped change their bandages

Worried they might forget them all, Ylindri wove her Lifegiver a special band of spider silk, which each of their names and a prayer for health delicately woven in. Her hope was that their love would stay with Shamura easier, and might help them feel better. Shamura wears it on their 4th wrist

In public Ylindri calls Shamura her Lifegiver, in private they are Ama

Very softspoken, and thoroughly heartbroken by Shamura's death. Tried to stop them from going to meet the lamb in the sanctum, but their mind had slipped again and Shamura didn't truly recognize her in that moment

Phereo:

Leshy's thirdborn child and second daughter. Is the only girl to have wings but has sworn off flying after Leshy's death

They were really close, and Leshy actually died while the children were in their first chrysallis (they're demigodlings. They undergo multiple metamorphoses in their lives), so when she emerged she and her siblings were greeted by the sorrowful Witness and the earth-shattering news that they had been orphaned

They preserved Leshy's remains so that his childreb could attend the funeral, but Phereo didn't go. She couldn't bear the thought. She was so terrified to make her chrysallis because everyone knows that girls don't have wings, and the only thing that got her to start spinning was her father's promise to be ready to recieve her when she'd emerged, and the whispered secret of, "You're just as I was. You'll be fine." After that, she doesn't want to appear in public, doesn't want anyone to see her, and spends all her time locked in her room mourning the loss of Leshy

She's got hardcore depression in wake of her dad's death. Everything is unstable and scary and she feels so lost and out of sorts. Years pass and her mental health stabilizes but doesn't improve: when the cousins start planning their war and how to defeat the Red Crown for good, she offers her body to the cause. She'll hsve to be banished and locked away, for all eternity. If it will avenge Leshy's death and let her go to a place where she can forget that she exists, then she's happy to do it

Someone get this worm therapy smh

No Name:

Someone seriously help me name him I've gone through like 5 names and none feel right 😭

The smallest, height wise and age wise. He hates it

This froggy is a MAMA'S BOY. He was very, very close with Heket, and loved her more than life itself. She was his mother, after all--there was no one in the world he loved more. The whole gaggle of froglets found Heket's still cooling corpse in the Temple sanctum, and just. Basically did Simba and mufasa. Just kinda snuggled against her and begged her to get up, to heal, to be ok

I don't have a whooole lot of development for him but he's generally pretty quiet and brooding. Very angy. Late teenage angst when thebwar starts but also his mom was murdered by the guy they're waging war on so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Regardless. He's not having a good time. Eats his feelings a lot and is quietly hoping the war kills him

Was voted among his siblings to bear the Yellow Crown and he despises it. It feels so wrong, like the desecration of his mother's memory, to have him stand in her place and wear that which rightfully belongs to her and no one else. Prays to the crown every morning before he puts it on, asking his mother's forgiveness and hoping to serve her memory well

[prettysei-remade]

graphic design is my passion actually the last time i made a graphic of any kind was when i was like 10 and i have sadly Not magically improved since then rip;; also dont worry the comic sans is ironic im not that awful......or am i 

hey there angels (instead of demons bc ur not demons ur all angels get it haha), it’s me, ya maknae! this is a very looooooong post so buckle in, my pals

AHEM 

exactly this time last year, i was probably laughing and/or crying at the thought of ever having mutuals here, much less having too many to do a proper follow forever in a rush the day before i post it (rip) so becAUSE i ran out of time and would probably give up in the middle, i decided to just talk abt how much i love everyone in the Stream Team gc and also make a shitty graphic so i could bless ur guys’ new years with ot13 and make it seem like i know what i’m doing :) 

ok im gonna get sappy for a sec and then u can all get to the part u actually care about (the part that’s also sappy but directed at specific people) 

my friends!! my loves!!! the bestest people on the planet!!!!! i love you <3<3 you guys are the sweetest, kindest, most understanding, most hilarious group of friends in the world and i’m so fucking lucky to know all of you. you make me laugh,,you make me cry (in a good way),,,,,you make me like myself when i dont feel like it,,,,im so?? blessed??? to have people to talk to and scream abt kpop with and be myself around. i’m more comfortable with u guys than probably anyone else?? like. even irl because 1) i’ll probably never come out, 2) none of my friends know anything abt kpop, and 3) none of my friends are rlly.....aware of the things my brain tells me about myself sometimes. which brings me to the last thing before i start yelling abt u all in alphabetical order: 

thank you guys for being the Good Brains to help out when my Mean Brain gets too mean. 

💙 

@byungjoo 

laura!! idk if u think abt this as often as i do (probably not) but like,, remember before we were friends and we had that ““discussion”” for abt .2 seconds regarding toppdogg going on the unit and then i thought u hated me for a couple weeks and then we became like the most amazing friends?? well reminding you of that is basically my long roundabout way of saying that our friendship is kind of a miracle to me, and i’m so so thankful that you’ve become someone i can trust with anything and not be judged for it :’) you always know what to say and you always make me feel special when we talk and just?? wow...don’t forget me when you become the biggest bts blog in the world......i saw one of your gifsets that had like 5k+ notes and almost shed a tear i was so proud of u.. i love you and thank u for being amazing all the time!! and for introducing me to twice and gfriend aka the most amazing girls!!! and of course....#laurjoo5ever <3

@gipsydangger 

yo jo (that was lame im sry you deserve better) you havent been in the chat for super long but you’re One Of Us and also 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad so lots of love for you!! thank you for singing all star with me in an attempt to cleanse our chat of ******** (im just (all)starring out his name so he doesnt find this post and try to eat my heart again), thank you for being so nice and thoughtful and sweet and all the other amazing things youve been already, thank you for giving iz a shot and somehow becoming a fan in like 5 minutes (???amazing) you!! are a rock star!!! wow!!!!!!

@hjjxxn​

ok alex i know you’re not tec h ni c a l ly in the chat but lets be real;;you’re still my Toppklass Queen ;; ur adorable! ur so kind! u work so hard! ur such a sweetheart! forget toppklass queen, u r the queen of my heart 💖 i cant believe we’re both hojoon stans AND yoongi stans it’s like we were meant to be friends or smth idk?? and you got me into winner and sent me the bEST videos of them holy shit im still laughing abt the one where theyre dancing to ‘hello bitches’ jshdkahds and mino’s duck song,,i cri :’( you have the best taste so i’m vv grateful to know you in the first place and! talking to you is super fun even tho we dont do it often <3<3 ilu <3

@itsachocolatecake 

jess <3 our leader,,mother,,,resident Cutie Pie <3<3 i am so fond of you?? you’re loads and loads of fun to talk with and the chat would be so different without u, i’m not even gonna imagine it!! instead im gonna remember how you always cheer me up right away and help me remember whats good about myself and tell me that i’m not alone and give me great ideas for metaphors involving brains (like mental brains not physical brains)!!! our mutualness (mutualism? mutuality?? idk) goes waaay back, like, relatively, so thank you for following me in the first place bc it means we’re friends now !! love you <3 

@kimsanggyum 

kaliiiiiii!! my wonderful fellow scorpio (AHEM i mean what im not a scorpio who said that i’ll fight them) ur super fun and cute and as soon as you joined u fit right in even tho we’re all kind of weird and now you are One Of Us and it’s kind of hard to believe that you havent been since the beginning?? you’re such a cutie and i love love love talking to you and stuff <3 jdkjsldf dog pics are one of the many ways to my heart and your dog is amazing!!! thank you for sharing!!! you are amazing!!! tell canyon monroe i love him (again) and tell him from me to be nice to laura too,,anyway!! love u lots <3 

@lapillity 

melia. you. are. the. best. my text posts never go noteless bc of you :’) you’re honestly truly just the greatest?? not just bc you like my text posts tho, youre genuinely sweet and suuuuper nice like,,i cant say anything bad about any of the Stream Team tbh but MELIA!!1! you would have to murder a man for a not-justifiable reason for me to say anything bad about you :/ i think you are an Angel and you’re so cute??how are u so cute i dont get it :(( thanks for being my friend and also helping me reject that guy that one time,,without you i definitely would’ve screwed things up tbh so seriously!! thank you and i love you <3<3 

@minty-sugar-kpop 

minty i think i should tell u now that whenever i type “rip” on my phone the next suggested word is always “minty” :’) we’re always screaming abt kpop groups together like!! when clap was released u screamed about seventeen with me!!! when i told u i was getting into twice u screamed about twice with me!! when nothing else is happening u scream about toppdogg with me (and the rest of us)!!!! i love that youre as excited about your fave groups as i am about my fave groups because it helps remind me that it’s NOT weird to be really super extremely dedicated to things that make u happy and i still struggle with that sometimes so.... thanks for being you i guess?? also for getting rid of ******** from our chat with the power of ot13 :’)) love you <3<3<3 

@reallyabananya

kat!! my Superhero!!! the lifegiver for minsung stans everywhere;; i am so grateful for literally everything you’ve ever done in your life but specifically 1) translating every. single. one. of minsung’s often long and very complex posts, 2) being my role model for running an update-esque blog! like!! if kat can do everything she does for her blogs and translate stuff and be so efficient at everything, i can do it for my one tiny little blog!!, 3) working so hard but always being so so sweet to everyone and being so amazingly humble all the time and being somebody i admire not only as a blogger but as a person too <3 (wow that was che e s y lol) im love you!! <3 

@saltygot7 

hi kendall! another scorpio wowie!!! of course i say “another” bc i already mentioned how kali is a scorpio,,it’s not because i’m a scorpio. because i’m not haha. anyway. im sorry i let ******** come between us, i know you didn’t mean to create a demon that would eventually possess both you and your phone and try to eat all of our hearts. i know and i’m sorry and i love you!!! i also know that you still think those asks u sent were hilarious but i forgive you bc i know you love me too <3<3 i can’t believe my Ultimate Bias and the true visual of our group loves me!! wow!!! thanks for all your amazing selfies, they always make me smile :’) you rlly know how to cheer everyone up and get us in a happy mood and just,,,thanks for always being your lovely self! love u lots <3 

@sunshinesanggyun 

bella 💕 i love you, i love you, i love you 💕 idk if you know this or not, but you were actually my first tk mutual <3 i remember when i got the notif that you followed me back and i was so excited because this person!! this person with an amazing blog and who i already thought was super cool!! wanted to follow me!!! i still think it’s amazing that you wanted to be my friend but i can’t really say that i “can’t believe it” anymore because i can;;; you’re my friend and i’m your friend and i love you!! i’ll remind you of that every day if i have to. you’re the other 1/2 of the Official Ruby-Got-Me-Into-IZ Squad (along with jovano) and it makes me so happy that you’re a fan now too!!!! you’re just awesone tbh?? you help me with my shitty stuff and i try my best to help you with your shitty stuff and!! you’re one of my best friends!! i’m so so happy and lucky and blessed and thankful to know you! never forget how much i love you forever 💕💕💕 

@toppdoggzz 

jacqueline;; the awesome aunt that’s super nice and who helps people when they’re sad;;(i can’t remember jess’s exact wording but it was True);;;; you’re so cool and amazing and honestly i find it incredible how you’ve been with bts from the beginning!! is that a weird thing to say as a compliment?? shdfsdhkd sorry but sticking with a group from debut is really admirable, especially because bts didnt start out super big but you stayed with em anyway :’) you’re such a star and you reblog my selfies when i ask you to (btw ur tags on my latest selfies had me cryin;;find someone who will compliment you every day like jacqueline complimented my decent-ish selfies;;) and you’re so great to talk with and yeah!! i love u!!!! 

@zombietwink 

isaiah. i hope u believe me when i say, from the very bottom of my heart: you are the Meme to my Internet Connection, the Cherry to my Bomb, the Chanyeol to my.....You. idk. you take my worst text posts that i make at like 3am and add the best things to them and make them Good and i love our convos in the replies of my posts alsjdsfjjs also can i just say?? i’m still not 100% sure what the whole thing is with like the “kin” meme (i get what it is but i dont rlly Get It u know) but literally any mention of it ever reminds me of you :’) it’s actually astounding how many memes make me think of you tbh..anyway, ur very very cute and soft and nice and youve been mutuals with me for a Long Time so thanks for thinking im cool enough to follow!!! and for still following me!!! love you <3 

wow that took a long time but it was worth it!! tho i honestly wouldn’t blame you if you just skipped everything and only read the little section abt you lmao 

well, happy new year! i hope lots of really good, and happy, and lovely, and wonderful things are waiting for you in 2018 ✨✨✨

[brightlotusmoon]

I am proud of myself, I not only finished my fic entry for the TMNT Darkest Nights fanbook on DeviantArt in like a few days, I did not go over the word limit, plus I cut it off at a good cliffhanger moment and there is ton of room to expand into either its own full story or a chapter of “The Brightest Fire”. I’m usually awful at short stories that need to end sooner than I want. They always want to grow and be more, that’s how one novella grew into my second Novel In Progress, featuring a disabled autistic half-Fae. It’s hard to contain and confine a story with so much background. I think that’s why after I wrote the “Mikey The Lifegiver” short fic, I wound up turning it into a series (it’s at twelve fics and I think it’s done, unless this one I’m working on wants to be thirteen). I didn’t expect to write more than the two Donnie/Mikey fics that expanded on it, but then I realized how much I needed a Leo/Mikey story and a Raph/Mikey story, and then I wound up writing the “end” story, the “final” as an overall thing, using Spirit as an additional element, and the entire thing turned into an AU all on its own. I still read the first fic to myself when I have depression episodes. Hell, I still get messages via FF, AO3, and DA from fellow neurodivergent people who tell me that reading “Mikey The Lifegiver” both made them cry and helped them soothe their own depression episodes a little. That means more to me than any compliment. I mean, I did write it to help my own mental health.

https://www.deviantart.com/journal/The-darkest-nights-TMNT-Fan-Book-664201946 So, the deadline for Darkest Nights is the end of the month, so anyone who is interested who can whip up something in just over a week is welcome to do so, I can’t wait. Once the fanbook is officially published I can later post my fanfic story on AO3 and FF and DA (I actually have a profile, lol). The story will have a drawing by the one and only @sampsonknighttmnt and it’ll be specific to the storyline, which means this Mikey is psychic and epileptic, because it’s me, you know me. And even the drawing will feature that in a nifty way. Dude, I need another citrine pendant myself. Again, huge thanks to SampsonKnight for their help and encouragement and advice in our chats, and thanks to @hummerhouse just for being an inspiration whether they know it or not and also  being the expert font of knowledge for the 2003 TMNT cartoon. I keep wanting to Ask all sorts of questions to them and the @tmnt-discourse blog but I worry I’d be a nuisance and an imposition. So many questions though. PS, the discourse blog is an awesome blog. I often wonder which mods are the biggest Mikey fans. Because 2003 Mikey’s character has a lot to unpack as far as discourse goes.

I forget where I was going with this. Oh! Oh! I AM writing a new chapter/oneshot for “CFR: Mind Games” based on a dream. Leo comes out as gray-asexual same as April, Splinter says that before Don got a crush on April he thought they were all asexual, Casey admits he might be bi, April and Casey admit they’re attracted to each other, Gaia gets angry and I get to explore the poly relationship she has with Mike and Don a little more, Raph flirts openly with Casey and pines for Y’Gthgba, April and Donnie really are best friends and April continues to ask curious details about Don and Gaia’s sex life with Mikey because she’s fascinated by sex because she can’t feel desire; also I might follow the end of Season Four after all, depending on whether or not I want to keep Splinter and also on reader feedback. Sometimes I get shy about asking for feedback, because I don’t have a lot of CFR readers - or do I? They’re all on Fanfiction.net and I have no idea how many of them know I’m on Tumblr. I should add it to my profile. Also, I am working on Chapter Two of “Brightest Fire”. People were asking about that. It’s going to take some emotional labor since the characters will be dealing with some severe psychological fucking up and the fallout of stuff that was done in the past. I’m going to be calling out Splinter on a few things. The 2003 characters were made for intense psychological discourse, I think. Plus, I never had siblings so I have no idea if constant insults and light bullying among family is considered normal. I feel like the AU “The Sunshine Child” might be done, unless I feel inspired by the series finale or something. Now I see why Ciro set it fifty years in the future. We fans are going to go wild with fics and art.

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 3.5: With just a few loaves and some fish we can all do the Magis

Published August 22, 2019

 “Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied…”

-        Matthew 14: 13-21

 This one goes out to all those who have fed me when they thought they didn’t have much to give. It is because you give, that I am where I am today. Surely those efforts have helped others out as now it is me who is sharing more loaves of bread and fish than I thought I had.

 During our misa a few weeks ago, Matthew’s gospel passage had me reflecting on the magis, which for those who don’t know is a Jesuit/Latin comparative adjective meaning “the more.” This is something that Saint Ignatius constantly reflected on and challenged others in. At any time, it is to be and give more of yourself to others, yourself and, by nature, God as well. I have had countless opportunities to live out this magis during my time as a JV. I could always give my students and community more attention, a project more of my energy, and be more present during mass or during “Peruvian” meetings. While these are just a few situations in which the litany and struggles of life have tempted me from performing at 100%, I recognize that it is a completely normal thing to experience from time to time.

In the world of a volunteer and, I imagine, a professional, the temptation to be and do “enough” will happen more than once and can affect other areas of our lives. It can sneak into our routines subtly and casually (as sin usually does), but it can also happen all at once through traumatic events such as the death of a loved one, an accident or any other unexpected tragedy. You may very well be experiencing this difficulty in your lives now as Jesus did upon hearing the news of the death of John the Baptist during this past week’s reading. Like Jesus, we may want to retreat from the world to recover from a difficult moment but sometimes God has other plans for us and puts people in our lives that call for us to be more. In this Gospel reading we see that Jesus still tends to the needs of the people, performing miracles and constantly giving more of himself for others even when he may not be at his best emotionally. It is during these experiences that we are tested and pushed to the limit as people. Sometimes it is the people we give all of ourselves to that are the ones goading us, pushing us closer to the brink of giving up.

The children of Israel lamented, “Would that we had meat for food! We remember the fish we used to eat without cost in Egypt…But now we are famished; we see nothing before us but this manna.”

*This one does hit home with me literally as the frequency and access to meat was much more readily available back in the states than here in Peru, but I digress…

Oh, how ungrateful the Israelites were! Oftentimes, our service or jobs have us encountering and accompanying people who complain and fail to recognize the love in our labor as Moses experienced. Our children, students or anyone else who depends on us might be crying out for something that we aren’t exactly offering or feel obliged to offer. The hope is that they are seeking the magis, but it usually isn’t phrased or perceived this way. It can present itself as moaning and groaning after the students’ “reward” for finishing their work early is yet another worksheet. It could also be in the form of blank stares of silence and indifference after showing them what you initially thought was interesting or profound. God forbid you try to get your students to think a bit more critically! Maybe it’s just an off day for you and them and they’re not ready to understand why you teach this way. They might not even know what their words or actions are doing to our spirit, but it can be tough to keep moving forward from this. I haven’t had a formal education in teaching so why am I here anyway? All these thoughts have raced through my mind while I’m in school teaching.

“Why do you treat your servant so badly?” Moses asked the LORD. “Why are you so displeased with me that you burden me with all this people?... Where can I get [meat] (insert whatever applies in your vocation) to give to all this people? For they are crying to me, ‘Give us [meat] for our food.’ …If this is the way you will deal with me, then please do me the favor of killing me at once, so that I need no longer face this distress.”

Well we certainly don’t want to push Mr. Moses, cause he’s close to the edge (for the song reference click here). In the book of Numbers (11: 4b-15), we see an image of a frustrated, on-the-edge Moses (and at times Luis during 6th grade Catechism classes) going through a difficult experience. I remember feeling this way several times after the initial “new teacher” grace period was over. Some of my students wanted to test me and push me and see what would happen. Thankfully, I didn’t let it bother me too much initially, but after some time and external responsibilities piling up, I began to show my inner Moses.

Curiously enough, my session on the Ten Commandments for my 6th graders in June had me wanting to pull my hairs out. We were about about a month away from the mid-year break and the kids were starting to show their readiness for the vacation. This session was supposed to take only one class, but it spanned two, hour and a half sessions across two weeks. The session seemed simple as I asked the students to find the scripture passage on the Commandments, read it as a group (popcorn style) and then identify 10 or so commandments. A few of the commandments weren’t explicitly written out and this threw them for a loop. Once the 30-minute ordeal was over, I grouped them by table and they were to write on papelón, or big paper, their assigned commandment and provide an illustration of one situation in which people followed the commandment and then one example of people disobeying the commandment. The activity dragged on and the students did not want to cooperate. I was growing frustrated as I struggled to maintain order in class, so I asked them to present their illustrations. The results were sad, but hilarious.

The “Best” of the presentations on the Ten Commandments

           Perhaps not the most kind and loving way to teach, but I am still learning and feel that I have a sense of humor to uphold. After this episode, there were constant breaks in our lessons week to week as events would come up that would leave several weeks between religion classes. It is important to note that we teach religion once a week, which only made matters worse. This lack of organization at Fe y Alegria, my waning patience, and an overall lack of commitment to much of anything brought me into a low and apathetic state. I eventually fell into a trap of copy-and-paste lesson planning. I would provide relatively simple lessons that summarized the celebration, origin of a Saint or an image of Mary that was conveniently packaged into a video that I found the night before, or morning of class. The unoriginal and unengaging sessions could be likened to that of a substitute teacher plan that I had always dreamed and hoped for as a middle schooler myself; It was a shortcut way of “teaching” if one could call it that. In hindsight, this period was when my flame and passion for JVC and teaching flickered and grew dim. Utterly disheartened, inexplicably exhausted and seemingly drained of creativity, I found myself in a power save mode of myself.

This change didn’t happen overnight, and I still struggle to pinpoint its origins, but I realized that it wasn’t healthy place to be. It led to a lack of enthusiasm in many aspects of my life, namely with my JVC community, local relationships with coworkers, and then to family and friends from home. The JVC values of simple living, social justice, spirituality and community were also reduced greatly and often neglected. I was, as some of my Spaniard friends say, in la ubi or a critical point in my life. Thankfully I just had to make it until the mid-year break in order to see my girlfriend and lifegiving force Cat. But even with these brief feelings of excitement, I would wakeup exhausted and knew that I just needed a break. When the opportunity to sign up for the Spiritual Exercises came up, I took them seriously in the hope that it would restore me to the gung-ho, high energy JV I knew I was. I was hoping to encounter God and myself, and thankfully I did.

The 3-day experience of the Spiritual Exercises was a refreshing dive into the deep end of spirituality that came at the right time. I had always been in the pool, but I think I wasn’t doing myself any favors by staying in the shallow end for so long. It helped me reset and reassess what was important to me and let go of anything that wasn’t conducive to my growth and wellbeing. I used Dean Brackley’s The Call to Discernment in Troubled Times as a guide through the exercises and what moved me the most was his chapter on forgiveness. I was having a hard time accepting the fact that we are all sinners and have to ask God for the grace to accept ourselves.

“From a gospel point of view, appreciating God’s healing mercy is more important than fixating on our defects. For what frees us is knowing that we are acceptable and accepted, not as a prize for being good, but in spite of being not so good.” (29)

This quote, among others in the book, helped me to understand the way that God sees us as people in need of constant forgiveness. It might be the reason why Jesus helped out those folks who followed Him even when He wanted to be off by Himself. We are certainly imperfect creatures and it isn’t easy to admit that we are flawed and are in need of forgiveness. This self-forgiveness leads into other areas of our lives and helps us to recognize that those we serve also need forgiveness and patience. It works by both offering it whenever possible, but also accepting it whenever we need it. If you think about your own professions, the same might be said about you! I understand and appreciate this now especially as a teacher myself. Along with my own classes in primary school I also assist with the preschool in the mornings. I am more than aware of the amount of energy and patience is necessary to manage 30 children for several hours at a time! Something that the exercises that helped me reflect the goodness in the day was to review one’s day, week or year in this way:

Where was God in my day today? Where was it easy to find Him? Where was it difficult? How have I helped another? How was my energy or mood in that moment? Where do I draw my energy to continue forward when I begin to grow tired? Is this sustainable? Why or why not? This is simply a way of focusing less on the errors in our ways of teaching and more on the goodness of our service and labor. I am all too aware that I have a hyper-sensitivity and criticalness to how I live out my day and this can bog me down easily.

Something that helped me slowdown and be more was being assigned the chore of taking out the garbage. The unfortunate part about having the garbage chore is that the truck comes on Saturdays and you must unload your garbage whenever the truck arrives (between 6:30-8:00am) or else the company doesn’t pick it up. I took the morning and chore silently as I walked through the main plaza of Andahuaylillas and appreciated the stillness and beauty of the surrounding mountains. While I waited for the truck to arrive, I saw a short elderly woman that I had never seen before getting her garbage out onto the street. She came closer to me and advised me through hand gestures that the truck was on the other side of the street. I realized that she was deaf and tried her best to communicate with me. One of the reflection readings for the Exercises and this moment had me thinking about how Jesus healed the deaf man in (Mark 7:31-37). I also thought about how Jesus was reaching out to the poor and marginalized and gave them the opportunity to feel heard and listened to. I decided to sit down with this woman and let her feel heard, even though I couldn’t understand most of what she was saying.

I began to see and appreciate the way God works through people. It was as if He was telling me to stop and listen to others. It didn’t take much effort, it only took some time, patience and presence for me to be fulfilled in that moment. It might not seem like much, but the magis that I speak of is much like this. The magis isn’t only the great moments that transform the world noticeably, but a simple outpouring of self when you don’t have to. I used to think about how people sometimes seem to be “slowing me down” with a hello or how are you, when in reality these are the opportunities to be more for others. It is an opportunity to lean into someone’s life and be there to ask them the same. It is a habit that builds with time and mindful reflection. The Exercises have taught me to pray for God’s grace to be able to encounter Him more whenever the time or opportunity arises. It seemed foreign to me when I first truly heard about praying for grace, but it has improved my ability to find God in all things, large and small.

An example of how kindness imprints on the heart. Ben, a former JV, being embraced with one of his old students from his time here four years ago

This has changed my outlook and attitude on the kind of teacher I want to be. I feel more capable of giving myself over to the lives of the students and other teachers. I have a newfound source of patience with the kids, and it has already made a world of a difference. That isn’t to say that I haven’t slipped here and there, but I am much more mindful of the moments that we do have a productive session or activity. Even looking back before the Exercises, I realized that I did have fantastic moments of learning and discussion. It has happened less than I would like since working with primary school aged students is (roughly) 75% classroom management and whatever is left over is for learning material. I use learning loosely as it isn’t only about knowing concepts, but also the development of the whole person. Although we can build a tolerance for workloads and social obligations, we need these hiatuses from time to time to turn our low battery mode selves into a high-performance version of ourselves as well. When we are able to reach the 110% range and beyond, we can work and function more creatively and spectacularly for and with others.

The preschoolers are learning to cut hair and take on some adult responsibilities such as reading magazines

Ordering the mass by events! I learned a lot myself by planning this activity.

 It takes constant reflection and humility to be able to discern what our hearts are craving, but we must also ask for God’s grace to develop this skill. We may at times feel that we know what we need to be our full selves, and to an extent we do, but this knowledge is slowly revealed to us by God through people and experiences. We might believe that we crave one thing (type of food or drink), but in reality, what we needed was another (appetizer) that reminds us to stop and savor the moment (food) we are chewing now. I want to thank those who have given me exactly what I needed even when I didn’t know I needed it. These folks are the educators in my life who taught me the invaluable lessons of hard work, reflection, and self-empowerment that have kept me going. This is for all those in the counseling/ after school programs, coaches, family, friends and all my mentors in between. A number of you are on this list and know who you are. Keep on with the magis attitude but also give time for yourselves to rediscover or reignite that flame if you are ever feeling exhausted or overwhelmed with work. Even Jesus needed lunch breaks from time to time, so once again thanks for sharing yours.

“Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied…”

  Matthew 14: 13-21

Peace,

Luis

P.S.

I would like to hear you tales and moments of feelings of burnout and being overwhelmed with life, and how you have moved past this. Teachers of mine! I ask that (if possible) to please share your stories, because I am sure that I have likely been the culprit or source of some of that grief at some point or another. (Whether that be sleeping in the front row of class or something from my time as an angsty teenager!) I look forward to hearing from you!

  For more pics click here! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Ay3FwhQEGCoRQ3oj9

(Full reading here)

[somethingfoe]

You’re SPECIAL (FO4): Puppet Masters

Hello fellow deviants, still brony/MLP fans, Fallout Fans, and Fallout AND MLP fans, this is my final entry into revisiting the 'You're SPECIAL' series that were immensely popular for me back in 2015. What with Fallout 76 being a absolute trainwreck that can't get itself out of more and more bullshit, and Bethesda's arrogance and naivety getting the best of them, I hold no interest in continuing anything related to Fallout or MLP beyond this at this point. I merely continued making these when Fallout 76 did come out, and wanted to make a variant of the classics that mimics the attribution of points from Fallout 4, which is a far cry from the conventional RPG style of Fallout 3 and even 1 and 2. There is no fucking chance in hell that I'm going to do any kind of variant in regards to 76, as I don't even want to put my hands on such a wretched product. Anyhow...

This You're SPECIAL is a particularly interesting deviation from the format of both the classic and revised versions of my You're SPECIALS. For starters, I'm pitting up a good guy against a bad guy for a change, where I would either pit two good guys or two bad guys against one another. From Fallout:Equestria, we have Watcher, or otherwise known as Spike grown up, who with the use of spritebots, tries to lead Littlepip as well as other 'good ponies' to gather up the elements of harmony. while this has good intentions, most of that info is kept under the tablecloth as Spike is incredibly reclusive as a result of him being a fully grown dragon, a rarity in the post apocalypse. For Project Horizons, we have The Legate, the known leader of the Remnants, a zebra clan that still acts under the presumption that the great war is still ongoing and seeks to continue that as The Legate has lived for almost as long as Spike has. The Legate is also a puppet master in that he's exploiting both the means of Cognitum and Steel Rain to suit his own ends, meaning to take both of them down when their backs where turned but also used Blackjack's own interests in shutting both of them down to expedite that. As a result, both of these characters, whatever you may think of them, have their own nefarious goals in mind, bad or good.

A second deviation that I made in the process of making this You're SPECIAL is that I changed the number of how many points would be based on SPECIALS between the characters. Since I was making them based on the perks available rather than the other way around, I had to add more perk points to some of The Legate's stats so he could get the primary perks that focus on his playstyle. As a result, I had to add a completely new graphic to explain that these two don't distribute the same number of perk points to their BASE Specials, and realistically, they wouldn't. I decided that they would sit in the middle with being level 70, stronger than the sidekicks and malevolent relics, but weaker than the main protagonists in terms of level. To summarize the playstyles for both, The Watcher is a heavy hitter who uses technology, sporting high strength and high intelligence to capitalize on using power armor mainly. The Legate is a stealth based, melee based attacker who uses VATS to it's full potential. But more on the explanations soon.

Of Course, seeing that I haven't actually explained how I determined their SPECIAL stats, I'll explain them on top of explaining the perks I chose for them. The Watcher 'vector' was awkwardly cropped from a 'trading card' by

RinMitzuki

(although I think the actual vector came from

Hawk9mm

and/or

Noxxi-the-Noxxian

so I'm not sure who to credit exactly), to the point that I had to go for a 'background shadow' effect rather than the stroke gradience that I normally do, and The Legate vector came from

Vector-Brony

, the usual foil I go for the most quality vectors. It was fucking bitch to even find a vector for a grown up Spike and/or Watcher, so this was really the best I could find. Anyway, here comes another huge flood of text. Better hope you have a few hours to look at it!

STRENGTH

Watcher (10)

With Watcher being a fully grown dragon, even Spike doesn't even know his own strengths. Beyond size and stature, with heavy scales and muscles naturally toned from his very being, Watcher is the strongest of the bunch and very few could beat him.

The Legate (8)

While The Legate is a battleborne zebra fighter and a loyal devout of Fallen Caesar, even a pony sized anthro can't quite take the whole brunt of a giant ship or vessel like Watcher can. The Legate has internal strength, that isn't to be denied, but that doesn't knack external strength.

Pain Train

Watcher (3)

- The closest resemblance to being a big, lumbering meat of a creature is the equivalent of running through anything in power armor, so the Pain Train perk fits best for what Spike is currently. so go with a power armor build, lean HEAVY on it, because that's basically what this character is: A wrecking ball.

Rooted

The Legate (2)

- The Legate knows how to keep his stance and posture on key, letting the enemy come to him to gain the advantage, so the Rooted perk works best, as well as it being a melee-specific perk.

Basher

Watcher (2)

- While Watcher isn't more known for his weapon use and rather his fire breathing and heavy claws, you can apply the basher perk to any big weapon like the Gauss Rifle or the Fat Man as the closest resemblance of a sweeping claw strike. Better yet, just use a Super Sledge and get the same effect!

Strong Back

Watcher (5)

- A giant Dragon is a recipe for opportunities to be one giant carrier vessel. Very little burdens Watcher, so he's keen on helping out Blackjack and/or Littlepip if he can leave his stay, with very little complaint.

Blacksmith

The Legate (4)

- The Legate knows how to make some pretty dope armor for himself and his entourage, donning a very intimidating Deathclaw skull as his trophy and visage to hide who he truly is. On top of that is his seldom used melee weapons, as his own fists (or hooves) are a weapon of destruction.

Iron Fist

The Legate (5)

- Being a master of Fallen Caesar that even Xenith can't beat, The Legate has had 200 years to master it's technique and defeat any opponent hand-to-hand.

PERCEPTION

Watcher (7)

Having a whole slew of hacked spritebots to quietly watch the most moral of those to gather up for his own interests, in spite of Watcher's isolation, he has at least a general idea of everything around them, even if he can't witness every detail personally.

The Legate (6)

While The Legate does have perception in regards to his desires and goals in mind, The Legate is still astutely paranoid of the Stars like the rest of the Zebras are and loathes Blackjack, the 'Maiden of the Stars' as a result of this. Whether this paranoia is propaganda of his own making or he's genuinely afraid, the point of the matter is that The Legate is a bit more daft when it comes to observation outside of his own ego.

Refractor

Watcher (3)

- Being a magical, mythical being with huge, broad scales gives Spike a natural affinity against any sort of plasma or energy based weapons. Seeing that most of the enclave come back scared shitless or turned to ash, most don't try to cross Watcher as a result of how futile their own weapons are against him.

The Legate (2)

- While The Legate is mostly flesh and bone, his weird healing talisman also gives him some natural defense against most ballistic weapons, even though he'd likely dodge them before they would hit.

Awareness

Watcher (2)

- Watcher's little spritebots gives him some preconception of enemies and or friends before they even know who he is, as he can spectate at will at anytime with any particular spritebot.

ENDURANCE

Watcher (6)

While Watcher does have hard scales and a overall large form, Watcher also hasn't been able to get out of a cave that is roughly the same size of him, and has been mostly grounded without having the regiment of working out or dieting beyond eating any gemstones he can scrape.

The Legate (8)

The Legate is hard-boiled, basically immortal, and has a talisman in his skull helmet that also gives him a lot of life regeneration, similarly to Rampage in a way. While it doesn't make him regrow his own mortal coil like Rampage can, he has been a lot to earn the resilience and vigilance of your typical Zebra.

Cannibal

The Legate (2)

- While it may be unconventional for me to put this on here for The Legate, The Legate actually draws life from other people in order to get power for his particular Talisman, which works as some sort of Enervation similar to what lingers in Hoofington. In a roundabout way, he's a 'soul cannibal' by this technicality. Not entirely crazed for food like with Rampage, but nevertheless.

Adamantium Skeleton

The Legate (3)

- The Legate's power talisman gives him a hardier soul and body, and what with his longing age and youthful appearance, The Legate can take a lot of abuse with little recourse.

Rad Resistant

Watcher (2)

- Again, what with being a Dragon, Watcher is naturally resistant to it. Not to mention that Watcher is one of few who actually avoided the radiation spread in the final moments of The Great War, so he is also pure. This also goes in line with you running a Power Armor build, which has natural rad resistance.

Lifegiver

Watcher (3)

- A big, hardy Dragon, even a recluse one, will have a huge lifepool and can take heavy ballistics like they are thumb tacks. Very little can actually even hurt Watcher, which is fortunate given his reluctance to leave.

The Legate (2)

- while The Legate has had a hardy life leading his remnant army, again his talisman does not make him invincible, and there is a certain threshold to what amount of limbs he can lose.

Toughness

Watcher (5)

- Thick skin, heavy scales, large, foreboding body, Watcher is the toughest there can possibly be. His own digestive system can break down fucking gemstones, for crying out loud? How isn't that TOUGH?!

The Legate (2)

- Again, The Legate is exceptionally strong and durable, but he just can't quite compare to being a literal adult grown dragon. And without his talisman, he's a old haggard zebra.

CHARISMA

Watcher (3)

Extremely reclusive, standoffish, and keeping details close to his heart, Watcher typically off puts most he tries to converse with by usually destroying or dismissing his spritebots. Even Littlepip was a bit distraught by the unusual stalking of one near Ponyville.

The Legate (6)

The Legate is considerably more charismatic than Watcher, although only to the discretion of other dissident Zebras who are still burned by the great war in one way or another. His attire is also especially off putting and intimidating to strangers, so he only plays to his base mainly.

Local Leader

The Legate (2)

- The Legate would at least have points in this attribute, if he's been able to lead a fanatical group of remnants still convinced the war is still going on.

Lone Wanderer

Watcher (2)

 - In spite of Watcher's desire to bond the elements of harmony to undo the aftermath of the war, Watcher is so paranoid of anyone knowing of the secret that he is incapable of leaving or trusting anybody to know about it, as a result he's mostly alone in a lonely cave.

Lady Killer

The Legate (2)

- I did mention his intimidating presence, but I guess it sort of turns on some ladies? I mean, Blackjack was fantasizing, albeit briefly, about getting it on with the legate? Then again, she wants to get it on with almost everybody, so that's an aside. maybe there's a charm to being an all powerful badass who's absolutely in control of their own destiny.

Cap Collector

Watcher (3)

- In order to maintain some of the running costs of his secret experiment, he has to do some rudimentary deals with drones and/or couriers in order to get some parts in order, so of course he needs some caps to keep his technology going.

INTELLIGENCE

Watcher (9)

Being stuck in a generator that could promote the rebirth of the entire world of Equestria does tend to lead one to investigate very inscrutably for almost 200 years, and that made Watcher a savant when it comes to tech, small and large. Making it his goal in life to gather the elements of Harmony like he would Celestia in a attempt to repair the damage of The Great War.

The Legate (2)

Absolutely paranoid, schizophrenic, and only ideally interested in tech in pursuit of his own goals, The Legate is the bane to the Brotherhood of Steel in almost every way.

Nuclear Physicist

Watcher (2)

- Watcher nearly masters Nuclear Physicist simultaneously for making fusion cores last longer, and primarily that his fire breath counts as 'radiation damage' in the game, for some reason. It probably helps that Watcher has taken all the precious time to figure out how to make his 'garden of elements' even work.

Robo Expert

Watcher (3)

- It takes some finesse to hack spritebots from a distance in order to communicate to the wasteland, but Watcher managed to do it. His rigging of the machine in his cave also gives him some pointers with programming knowledge.

SCIENCE!

Watcher (3)

- Again, Watcher knows his way around a computer, in spite of his strange shape and size. It also helps that he used to be around someone who had nothing but books for him to read!

Hacker

Watcher (2)

- It's a redundant point, but Watcher knows how to run a computer. At least with the only one he's been able to even work with, considering how big his giant fangs are.

Medic

The Legate (2)

- The only thing with The Legate that even remotely falls on the intelligence is the medic perk, as he and his zebra remnants use rudimentary medicine like herbs and bandages to heal wounds. Not that it would matter to The Legate, what with his natural healing ability.

AGILITY

Watcher (5)

a big, lumbering Dragon isn't going to be the most elegant thing when it comes to stealth or movement. But still, a flying dragon does sport some amount of movement, seeing as Watcher's wingspan can make him fly nearly as fast as most Pegasus Vertibirds.

The Legate (10)

Swift, smooth, quick, and prudent, The Legate is as evasive as he is omnipresent. A master of Fallen Caesar, even Xenith is sweating trying to fight him in unarmed combat and in finesse.

Gun Fu

The Legate (2)

- While this perk would be more fitting with weapons, Gun Fu can also be used as melee as it's a VATS-based perk. The Legate is in tune with his multiple enemies and can track each one with the greatest finesse.

Blitz

The Legate (2)

- Combining well with the Gun Fu perk is the Blitz perk, as it's extremely difficult to keep your distance from The Legate, much less even run away. Even far ranged attackers have trouble avoiding him.

Ninja

The Legate (3)

- From under, over, or from beyond, The Legate strikes without hesitation and without any mercy whatsoever. This goes extremely well with his melee attacks tracking from one to the next, as well as his closing the distance.

Moving Target

The Legate (3)

- The Legate is not intimidated from any sort of firearms or artillery, as he can easily dodge and avoid most of them without even a scruff on his mane.

Action Boy

The Legate & Watcher (3)

- the only perk where both actually match, which is a far cry from the massive perks that The Legate has in comparison to Watcher. Watcher needs the action boy perk to compensate for his flying (AKA Power Armor Jetpack usage), and The Legate to continue his melee onslaught.

Sneak

The Legate (2)

- The Legate usually likes to  make his presence known, but he is keen on sneaking on some enemies, often to cause political division without being caught red-handed.

Commando

Watcher (3)

- Obstensibly, being a power armor user with a jetpack would likely lead you to using more two-handed weapons than most. Seeing that it's the CLOSEST possible way to be a 'dragon', I'd expect Watcher to use both of his claws like a giant maul similarly to it.

LUCK

Watcher (3)

Being withheld the ability to save the Mane Six simply because he was in hibernation must be quite infuriating with Spike, on top of the unofficial responsibility of keeping his cave secret from the Enclave who are constantly searching for him and what he's hiding. As a result, Watcher isn't quite so fortunate to be in his situation, even with his large size and demeanor.

The Legate (8)

With the Legate being handed most of what he got on a silver spoon, while still backstabbing those who cared for him all the while to perpetuate a ongoing war, with a mass of fanatics who blindly follow his beliefs and the idea of the war still going to this day, The Legate is lucky that nobody tried to backstab HIM up to this point. At least, until Lancer came into the picture.

Grim Reaper's Sprint

The Legate (2)

 - The Legate draws power from his enemies and his own allies, and with The Legate's innate melee and unarmed abilities, he's banking on all the best perks of Melee combined with VATS.

Crit Banker

The Legate (3)

- The Legate is a surgeon in that he can calculate every weakness in his enemies, emotional or physical. He'll use it against them, obstensibly giving him the ability to bank on critting someone.

Better Crits

The Legate (2)

- And The Legate doesn't let up on his critical strikes, making them burn and seethe so that he can vanquish his opponents more swiftly.

Bloody Mess

Watcher (4)

- About as subtle as a baseball bat with a grenade swung on someone's head, Watcher, when he does have to fight, will often burn and scorch anything that gets in his way, often accidentally teleporting them as a result of his fire breath being a sort of portal to Celestia's domain.

Scrounger

Watcher (3)

- Vicariously through the spritebots, Watcher accrues a lot of Old-War tech similarly to the Brotherhood of Steel (another reason that they too share a interest in him) in order to help rebuild and get his 'garden of elements' working again as intended.

Whew, that is it! Absolutely it! No more You're SPECIALS as far as I'm concerned, this little mini project has been shelved! Again, new photo run coming by tomorrow on top of me still featuring the one I did nearly a month ago! Hopefully this was worth the wait as always!

[brightlotusmoon]

Sneak Peak: The fifth “Lifegiver” story

Sneak peak of my TMNT fanfic “Oxygen And Spirit: Across The Universe” Part of a series that started with “Mikey The Lifegiver” which is on AO3 and FFnet and also here. Not connected with my other TMNT fic series, “Cold Fire Rising”

 Spirit And Oxygen: Across The Universe

Part One, Earth and Oxygen

“No, you’re not listening to me.” Don cradles his head in his hands and huffs, second cup of coffee halfway consumed. He tries to kick under the table for emphasis, but there’s no Mikey to kick him back.

“At least finish your bacon and then talk,” Leo pleads, “and then you can go back to his room and sit morosely on his bed.”

Sighing, Donnie throws his head back, wishing to science that he could just make it translatable. “Okay. Okay, I’ll start again. See…I created this holographic program. In which you and the holographic images can interact. You punch them, they punch you. Got that?”

“Sort of,” Raph says.

“Close enough. All right. So, you know that huge, gigantic tunnel that Mikey and Raph have been painting murals all over? The one Mikey’s been secretly using to train his skills outside the lair without you knowing?”

Leo sucks in a breath. “Wait, what?”

“…oops. Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it.” Donnie is feeling more and more snarky. “It’s just…you know the place, yes? That’s all you need to know.”

“We know the place.”

“Well, that is where the holographic projectors have been, and for the last two weeks, Mikey has been using it to improve that raw potential we’ve all been insulting him about. He keeps begging me to invent stronger opponents to test him. It’s been quite fun.”

“Yes, and what does that have to do with the gang war we waded into that resulted in Mikey lying in bed unconscious since yesterday?” Raphael snarls.

“Nothing…maybe a little.” Donatello sighs again. “Remember those moments when the three of us were down, and Mikey was still standing, and he went into literal full ninja warrior mode, silent and stealthy and faster than we’ve ever seen him? And the only reason he fell was because one giant bulky asshole slammed his head into an air conditioner corner, sliced open his thigh with a sword, and broke bones around his knee.”

His brothers nod, grimacing.

“The reason he was able to fight like a demon three times his skill was because he’s been feeding his potential. With me. Using holograms. Guys, he’s…growing up. Okay? He really is better than all of us combined. He just never got the chance to let it out. But with our…current circumstances…he forced himself to.”

Leo and Raph are staring at the kitchen table, pushing around their eggs and hashbrowns.

“We were really harsh with him before the battle.” Leo sounds petulant.

“Now, now,” a voice says, “Don’t with the guilt again.” And Karai folds her arms, leaning against the cabinet closest to the doorway. “I cooked that with love, boys, eat up.”

Raphael can not stop a vicious glare at his scientist brother. “Why you, though? Why’d he confide in you only?”

Donatello shuffles. “Mmmaybe it’s because I don’t hit him over the head as much? It’s because when he messes around in my lab it’s because he really is interested in what I’m working on…” As he trails off, Raph begins to breathe heavily. As he does so, Shinigami comes up next to him and begins to massage his shoulders.

“I had him in my arms,” Raph whispers. “He was babbling nonsense. His head was bleeding and his leg was bleeding and his knee was broken and he was panicking. He kept saying my name and he kept saying ‘bonfire water balloon skies’ and I didn’t--”

“Seizure, remember?” Shinigami murmurs. “His brain took a heavy injury and it caused severe aphasia before he fell unconscious. Not to mention blood loss. None of it was anyone’s fault.”

“I was hurt and I couldn’t get to him. I could’ve…I would’ve…”

He is cut off by Shini’s long fingernails digging into the base of his skull, pushing his head forward as she continues the massage. “Shut up, O Great Protector. He was holding his own, so was Karai, so was I. We all made the mistake of being distracted. Mikey got hurt. If any of you continue to blame yourselves, I’ll show you what my namesake really means.”

Shuddering, the three turtles scrape their plates clean.

...

Donatello is back in the lab, mixing more nutrient electrolyte solutions into IV bags, preparing a large bowl of cool water. He walks slowly across the lair, nudging Mikey’s door open with his shoulder.

April is sitting on the edge of the bed, wiping a wet cloth down the pale, motionless figure lying there, while Ice Cream Kitty leans forward in her bowl that is sitting near the pillow, doing the same with her tongue and paws. Mikey’s pallor is still awful. Leo and Raph donated all the blood Don would allow without them going into shock, but it had been just enough. He slides carefully to the table set up at the bedside, deposits the bowl and bags, and begins changing the IV bag before April even notices him.

“How long did you sleep last night?” she asks casually, wringing out her cloth and plopping it on the table next to the old bowl.

“Enough.” He adds a dose of Ativan to keep seizures at bay and to keep Mikey relaxed, then begins to palpate his bandaged head, trying to feel for the depression and skull fracture at the right temple.

“Tell me it was more than four hours.”

“Yes, April, it was more than four hours.”

She relaxes after an awkward pause, and goes back to massaging Mikey’s right hand. “Casey is on his way with more supplies from the school infirmary. Should we still worry about getting antibiotics?”

“Hopefully not. Has he moved at all? Anything? Anything at all?” Donnie tries to not sound desperate, but he catches the sad look April gives him.

I don’t want pity, I want my brother to be okay.

“No response to anything,” she says softly. “He’s pretty much shut down for the duration.”

Donnie’s gut drops and freezes a little. Okay. Okay. But he really really needs to look at brain activity. They don’t have the proper equipment but he can probably build something. He can’t ask their human friends to steal anything like a pricey EEG headband, but an EEG is the only thing he can think of. Perhaps he can build one, or even modify the machine he kept using on April, at least it shows something in the brain, right? As he dribbles and sponges cool water over his little brother’s plastron, he keeps thinking. He keeps thinking.

“Donnie?” April seems very close now, right next to his face, and he jumps when he realizes she is. “You’re thinking very hard about something. Can I help?”

Donatello glances at her, then at Mikey’s head, then back at her. “Oh. Ohhh. April! Yes! Yes you can! Um. Can you...can you look into his mind? You know, his brainwaves?”

She blinks. “I think so. Probably. Yeah. What am I supposed to look for?”

“Responses,” he says eagerly. Lights. Anything, anything that would indicate he’s able to react to stimuli, external or internal.”

“You mean...to make sure he’s still...still there.”

Don’s head bobbles. “Exactly.”

She takes a deep breath. “I think I can handle that. Anything for Mikey.”

Donnie bites his lip. It feels like one of his mantras lately. Anything for Mikey.

Anything, Mikey.