#accept that youre autistic as well while youre at it

[miss-multi45]

Vengeance

Hoodie x Fem!Reader

Part 2 of 'Blackmail'

cw: blood, mentions of dead bodies, swearing/vulgarity, sloww burnn, objectification, sexual harassment, sexual themes, nightmares, reader has a tired breakdown (jus like me fr), romantic petnames, opeia being autistic and taking three hours to write it bc they zone out. enjoy, darlings.

When you woke up, it was cold.

You were in a bed, with the smell of rain and something else that you prayed it wasn't what you thought it was.

Sitting up, you saw that you were back home in your own bed, the hooded man nowhere in sight. But something was wrong.

Even though you felt safe and comfortable, you couldn't shake the feeling that screamed at you to get out. Everything was the same, the pillow you threw was on the floor. You even got out of bed and checked. Liam's gun was on the kitchen counter, Liam..

Liam.

Where was Liam's body..?

Suddenly, you heard footsteps echo from the direction of the bathroom. You scrambled back to your room, closing the door as quietly as humanly possible and sliding your whole body underneath the duvet.

Slapping a hand over your mouth, you squeezed your eyes shut and prayed that he wouldn't come in here.

But fate wasn't on your side. The door opened, and you felt the bedsheets dip under Liam's bodyweight. Making your stomach turn, you felt his hand rubbing your waist.

"How'd you sleep, baby?"

His voice, a sickly sweet venom poisoning your senses and filling your brain with toxins that told you, 'no turning back now, your boyfriend is here.'

You stifled a sob, accepting your fate and peeling back the covers from your face.

As you laid eyes on his face, you noticed the unavoidable bullet wound right on his forehead. It wasn't dripping blood, but it was covered in it.

"Well, hello there. Have fun running off without me?"

-

You gasped as you woke up, body immediately shooting up before a headache kicked in and you fell back down again. Cradling your head, you scrunched up into fetal position and rubbed your temples to help with the pain.

Oh, thank God. It was only a nightmare. You thought, looking up at the dark log ceiling.

Ah, so you weren't back home. Instead in a small but very cozy log cabin that smelled of rain and a slight tinge of metal. If you were here, then where was that strange hooded man?

You decided not to dwell on the subject for too long, instead rolling over and going back to sleep.

Maybe 30 minutes later, you heard the door swing open and close, heavy footsteps making their way to where you were curled up. You were half asleep, the sensation of falling would bring you back into consciousness immediately.

A heavy hand on your hip made you stir, alongside an all to familiar male voice talking to you. "Wake up. If I can't lie in, neither can you."

Mentally rolling your eyes, you groggily turned over and opened your eyes a crack just to see the blurry colours of the red and black ski mask.

"There she is." You could hear his grin through his words.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, babe. You slept for a while." He grabbed your arms and hoisted you up, pushing your back against the wooded wall your bed was up against.

You must've been sleepily grimacing at him, because as soon as he propped his shotgun against the wall, he turned back to you with a "Fix that face right now."

Although you didn't exactly appreciate how commanding he was, you didn't want to feel a cold shotgun barrel against your head. So you dropped you head down and rubbed your eyes, making the discovery that you were only in a baggy t shirt that wasn't yours, and panties that thankfully were yours.

"What the.." you mumbled as you saw the outfit. But that confusion was quickly taken over by shock, because you knew damn well nobody else would have changed you.

"How much did you see?" You brought the blanket up to your chest, even though your clothes weren't inappropriate to wear to bed, Liam would say otherwise.

"Just enough." He said, even though you needed a lot more than that to feel reassured that he didn't do anything creepy to you.

"How much is 'just enough'?" You commented, slowly dropping the duvet from its place.

"Collabone, legs, shit that you'd get dress coded for. I took off your bra with your shirt still on, I may be a murderer but I'm not a weird incel." You breathed a sigh of relief, coming to the conclusion that it was fine to get out of bed and go to the bathroom.

"Um, where's the bathroom?" You muttered, you weren't still completely comfortable with whoever this strange man was.

"First door on the left." He said, beginning to clean his gun without looking up at you.

You closed the door behind you, opening the bathroom door and closing another door.

It wasn't a luxury bathroom, but it was pretty decent. It just looked like one you'd find in a static caravan, small but enough.

There was a small window, open enough for you to feel a cool breeze against your face and see the vast woodland landscape outside.

It was beautiful, the dark green pine trees wet with freshly fallen raindrops. Maybe you should live in the forest. It would be stress free, and maybe you would even get to be like Aurora and make some woodland friends.

Finishing up, you washed and dried your hands and went back to the bedroom. The man was still on the chair cleaning his gun, the bedroom window open.

You awkwardly stood in the doorway, fiddling with the hem of the baggy shirt while you waited for something to happen. You could at least use a change of clothes.

"You wanna tell me about that boyfriend of yours, babe?" His voice cut through the quiet atmosphere, interrupting your thoughts.

"What about him? You know about the nightmares?" You replied, unsure if you should complain about your newly dead boyfriend to the very man who killed him.

A moment of silence, he looks up at you. "No, I don't." He says, "How bad of a boyfriend was he if you're having fucking nightmares about him?"

You froze. Liam was a piece of shit, but you didn't like how long it took for you to notice that about him. It had taken you halfway through the regretful relationship to realise that he was human waste.

"Um, well.." you started, but you didn't know where to actually begin. He was just like those boyfriends you'd see women complain about. He was controlling, accusing, lying. A reprehensible dick.

"A stereotypical shitty boyfriend, I don't know why I stayed with him for that long." He finished cleaning and loading his gun, putting it to one side as he stood from his seat.

God, he was tall. And brawny, too. Even though he was wearing that baggy hoodie, you could still see how his arms were ever so slightly straining the fabric.

Taking your eyes off him, he shared his most insightful opinion on your dead boyfriend.

"Glad I shot that crapweasel."

-

The next morning, you woke up with excruciating stomach pain. But at least you didn't start your morning off with a nightmare about Liam.

Getting up to go to the bathroom, you were met with an all too familiar bloodstain in your panties. Great, you had been so caught up in whatever was going on that you had completely forgotten about menustrating.

There was no way there were any pads or tampons in the cabin, so you settled for wrapping toilet paper around your pants and calling it a day until you could get some menstrual products.

You finished up in the bathroom, returning to the bedroom and getting changed into some clothes that Hoodie stole from your house yesterday morning.

He was in the lounge, probably loading or cleaning his gun again. You didn't really care.

You went out into the lounge, reluctantly asking the question. "Do..are there any pads or tampons here?"

Which was met with:

"Bad time to get your period. But unfortunately no, we don't have anything menustration related."

You sighed, "Is there a convenience store nearby with any pads?"

The question left your lips before you could think about it, and you quickly came to the conclusion that there was no way he would let you eave due to the risk of you running away. But you didn't have anywhere to go.

"Yeah. I'll come with you." You breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

"What do you need?" You asked, putting your shoes on.

"Nothing, I'm only coming to keep an eye on you." You had anticipated an answer like that. At least you would be safe with a guy like him watching you.

After you tied you shoes, the two of you set off in the direction of the store.

It was quiet in the forest, the only sounds being the subtle nature sounds and your footsteps. Thankfully, it didn't take long for the convenience store to come into veiw.

He just leaned against a tree near the shop while you made your way in, taking note of how empty it was.

The clerk was a young woman, probably around your age. There were three young men elsewhere in the store, but you couldn't care less about them.

You found the brand you used, taking two packs before you were distracted by three voices a few feet away.

'Dude, have you seen that girl's rack?' 'That chick's got a body for days.' 'I bet she's good in bed.'

Your heart sunk, even in the woods you couldn't escape the male gaze. Could there be one day where women would be treated like actual human beings instead of pieces of fucking meat?

Even though it made you want to crawl into a hole and die, especially while on your period, you ignored it. But you made sure to subtly kick a guy in the shin after he made the mistake of grabbing your ass.

Walking up to the till, you placed the pads on the counter and gave the girl a small smile. She looked exhausted, as did you. You paid with a 'thank you' and quickly left the store.

You looked for the hooded man, he was well camouflaged by all the thick green foliage. He would come to you, you decided, and you knelt on the ground with a hand massaging your womb to try and ease the cramps.

You didn't know how you didn't hear him creeping up behind you.

"Womb massage, huh?" He commented, placing a large hand on your shoulder.

"How's that working out, babygirl? Any good?" He put his hands in his pockets.

"No.." you croaked, earning a chuckle from the man.

"Let's go. You can complain when we get back." You huffed and rose to your feet, clutching the packs of pads to your chest.

-

When you got back, you immediately changed from toilet paper to an actual pad. As expected, it felt much better.

You flopped onto the couch, closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep after tossing and turning uncomfortably for too long.

-

"(Y/N), get up." Liam hissed.

You groaned, covering your ears with the pillow before it was cruelly ripped away from you by him.

"I'm not asking again. Get the fuck up." His voice was pure venom.

He ripped you out of bed, dragging you out of the house and into the forest behind it. You looked down, seeing that you were in nothing but a baggy shirt and panties.

"Where are we going?" You asked, feet beginning to hurt as you went deeper and deeper into the woods.

He didn't answer, just kept pulling you alongside him. Eventually, the path you were on narrowed and thorny bushes began to nip and you legs.

You winced, batting a hand at the branches to avoid being hurt more. Liam sped up, practically sprinting as your feet and legs where being cut up by the bushes. The further you went, you were met with the sight of bodies. Bodies of your family.

Your mother was torn limb from limb by a bloody rose bush, your father beside her. Everyone was trapped dead in the sharp greenery, and you were forced to run past them and Liam's grip tightened.

Your shirt was beginning to tear, revealing the bare skin underneath for the sharp branches of the bushes to slice at.

It was brutal, the overpowering stinging sensation making tears prick at your eyes and pleas fall from your lips.

You were woken up by a rough, leather clad hand grabbing your face and talking to you with a stern tone.

"Calm down, babygirl. Calm down, you're fine, you're okay." He told you, moving his other hand down to massage your lower stomach.

You sobbed, tears running down your face as you realised it was another nightmare. Wrapping your arms around him, you sniffled as more tears fell from your glossy eyes.

This was exhausting. You were exhausted. It was like Liam was stalking you, haunting you. You felt awful, mentally and physically. Nothing helped. Nothing but him.

You caught your breath, and he loosened his grip on your chin, but didn't let go. He kept his other hand at work, doing well to soothe your cramps and calm you down.

"Atta girl, that's it." He reassured, bringing you into his lap as the tears began to stop and all that was left of you was a sniffling, tired mess.

"Another nightmare about him?" He questioned, tilting his head to look down at you.

You nodded, putting your hand over his on your womb, surprised at how good he was at it.

At this point, Hoodie had decided he had had enough. He wanted to know everything about this man, right down to his mother's maiden name.

"Tell me about him," he said, "Everything. How did he abuse you, how long were you a thing, did he pleasure you enough? Was he a selfish shitsteak?"

"He.." you mumbled, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

There was so much to say, but so little you wanted to reminisce.

It had to be talked about, you decided. And Hoodie was curious.

So who were you to deny him his curiosities?

spent the whole day on this autism is a bitch.

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

Log 219

FTL: FTLR-3 has started moving around. I can confirm that it behaves similarly to a lizard, though nothing especially like a cyan lizard specifically. It's been moving about the chamber, but it hasn't yet made any attempts to break out. It knows that it won't work.

FTL: This type of learning is not something that lizards usually do. They keep going and going, even if it's to their own peril. Though they have learned of typical signs of threat - but that's through cycles of experience and reinforcement. They have also been recorded as able to be tamed, which once again, is heavily reliant on external reinforcement. Learning within a single cycle that attempting to escape is futile without any sort of external source providing reinforcement showcases a level of learning capacity above that of any other sort of Rot - and above that of any other lizard.

FTL: As curious as I am about FTLR-3, I am completely aware of the fact that this makes it highly dangerous - moreso than most other Rots. I would continue to research it, ignoring the danger, but I don't believe that that's possible right now. Unfortunately. I may not value my own life, but interacting with it is not a good idea. Mostly due to the fact that LIFEGIVER's shipment has arrived. FTLR-3 will be eradicated soon. I... I will not interfere.

FTL: I'm highly disappointed in myself that I didn't manage to get more research done, but I do not think there was much research that could be done. My interest in the project has long since faded, and while rationale dictates that that does not matter and I should have continued my study, that would have been fruitless. There were no interesting behaviours from it, and there wasn't much I could have done.

FTL: As for the corrosive substance I was attempting to develop, well. I've succeeded. It would not be effective against Rot though. Or well, against anything at all. The liquid is corrosive, but barely so. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not cut out for chemistry. Thankfully so, as it is dreadfully boring. And now I do not have to continue in my attempts, due to LIFEGIVER's cure being here, as previously mentioned.

FTL: The organisms carrying the chemical have made their way into my structure, which was slightly unpleasant. The feeling of creature crawling around on me is not one I enjoy. I just wish that the creatures get to FTLR-3 as soon as possible, and let me grieve the loss of high potential for research.

FTL: I never did figure out what FTLR-3 truly was. A Rot, of course, but the fact that it doesn't fit into any of the three sub-groups bothers me heavily. I'll leave it as an outlier for now, but a new group shall be created if another Rot similar to FTLR-3 is ever created. Which is highly unlikely.

FTL: That does lead me to remember a train of thought I had earlier on in the cycle. Will FTLR-3 escape the confines of the Great Cycle as other Rots do? I believe that some iota of intelligence is needed in order to be part of the Great Cycle, alongside being mostly organic. That first requirement is what bars all Rots (and while us Iterators definitely do fit the first requirement, the second one is the reason why we are excluded. We may be organic in part, but we still are majority mechanical.), would it do the same for FTLR-3?

FTL: ...Let's hope it does. But the more I think about it, the more I doubt it. While I am unsure about the level of intelligence necessary, I do know that lizards possess it. As established before, FTLR-3 goes beyond that. Well. If this worst-case scenario does happen, then I will know. I'll be on the lookout, just in case it wakes up where it was first created, though I think it's more likely that it would do so in the containment chamber where it's been for the past several cycles.

FTL: What will- ....should I do if that does happen though? I cannot keep relying on LIFEGIVER to continue eradicating it over and over, completely pointlessly. And while I do relish the opportunity to potentially research it more, and with time to do so. It... I cannot release FTLR-3 as I do with my other experiments I no longer need. That would permanently wreck my regions. Nor can I allow it to continue inhabiting that room. As I've stated before, it will find a way out.

FTL: I do not know what to do. If it gets trapped in the Great Cycle, does that mean that it has Karma? If so, is it possible for it to ascend via Void sea? Either way, I have no options. I have no way to ascend it or remove it from the Great Cycle somehow. It'd just have to remain in the containment chamber, growing more and more dangerous by the cycle. I do not want that.

FTL: I do believe that I have no proper way out of this situation if FTLR-3 does happen to be trapped in the Great Cycle alongside most lifeforms. If that is the case - which I am now almost fully convinced it is - then I am most likely doomed to die via Rot. A very volatile one that can and will spread out easily.

FTL: I... I am not going to record the other things I was going to talk about in this log. Apologies to future me (...if you even exist) but I have no time.

FTL: I need to think.

[anendoandfriendo]

We don't trust anyone who says some stupid bullshit like "humans are ~collective~ creatures" or "humans are SOCIAL animals," like if they're such social and collective and accepting animals then why should they be allowed to force us into their norms instead of accepting us as we are? Why wouldn't they use their "collectivism" and "evolutionary traits" to fucking let us EXIST?

Fuck you. Commit an act of arson against an applied behavioral analysis facility with five other people and have the town applaud it in the most popular newspapers to exist, and then maybe we'll fucking believe you.

[anaquariusfox]

I spent the evening looking into this AI shit and made a wee informative post of the information I found and thought all artists would be interested and maybe help yall?

edit: forgot to mention Glaze and Nightshade to alter/disrupt AI from taking your work into their machines. You can use these and post and it will apparently mess up the AI and it wont take your content into it's machine!

edit: ArtStation is not AI free! So make sure to read that when signing up if you do! (this post is also on twt)

[Image descriptions: A series of infographics titled: “Opt Out AI: [Social Media] and what I found.” The title image shows a drawing of a person holding up a stack of papers where the first says, ‘Terms of Service’ and the rest have logos for various social media sites and are falling onto the floor. Long transcriptions follow.

Instagram/Meta (I have to assume Facebook).

Hard for all users to locate the “opt out” options. The option has been known to move locations.

You have to click the opt out link to submit a request to opt out of the AI scraping. *You have to submit screenshots of your work/face/content you posted to the app, is curretnly being used in AI. If you do not have this, they will deny you.

Users are saying after being rejected, are being “meta blocked”

People’s requests are being accepted but they still have doubts that their content won’t be taken anyways.

Twitter/X

As of August 2023, Twitter’s ToS update:

“Twitter has the right to use any content that users post on its platform to train its AI models, and that users grant Twitter a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free license to do so.”

There isn’t much to say. They’re doing the same thing Instagram is doing (to my understanding) and we can’t even opt out.

Tumblr

They also take your data and content and sell it to AI models.

But you’re in luck!

It is very simply to opt out (Wow. Thank Gods)

Opt out on Desktop: click on your blog > blog settings > scroll til you see visibility options and it’ll be the last option to toggle

Out out of Mobile: click your blog > scroll then click visibility > toggle opt out option

TikTok

I took time skim their ToS and under “How We Use Your Information” and towards the end of the long list: “To train and improve our technology, such as our machine learning models and algorithms.”

Regarding data collected; they will only not sell your data when “where restricted by applicable law”. That is not many countries. You can refuse/disable some cookies by going into settings > ads > turn off targeted ads.

I couldn’t find much in AI besides “our machine learning models” which I think is the same thing.

What to do?

In this age of the internet, it’s scary! But you have options and can pick which are best for you!

Accepting these platforms collection of not only your artwork, but your face! And not only your faces but the faces of those in your photos. Your friends and family. Some of those family members are children! Some of those faces are minors! I shudder to think what darker purposes those faces could be used for.

Opt out where you can! Be mindful and know the content you are posting is at risk of being loaded to AI if unable to opt out.

Fully delete (not archive) your content/accounts with these platforms. I know it takes up to 90 days for instagram to “delete” your information. And even keep it for “legal” purposes like legal prevention.

Use lesser known social media platforms! Some examples are; Signal, Mastodon, Diaspora, et. As well as art platforms: Artfol, Cara, ArtStation, etc.

The last drawing shows the same person as the title saying, ‘I am, by no means, a ToS autistic! So feel free to share any relatable information to these topics via reply or qrt!

I just wanted to share the information I found while searching for my own answers cause I’m sure people have the same questions as me.’ \End description] (thank you @a-captions-blog!)

[alyakthedorklord]

Batman the Playboy

Justice League, not quite early days but before proper identity reveals, though everyone knows Batman knows theirs, bc he has Opinions™ and Constructive Criticisms™ on their secret-keeping.

The issue is brought up on random occasions. The most notable incident- the Justice League, including Batman, being Drunk for Bonding, (or hit with some kind of drug while out saving the world) and Batman, in a fit of paranoid good intentions because he CARES about these idiots, damnit, why must they be so careless, starts insulting them.

Batman, leaning heavily on the table: “GL, you’re a mess, I don’t even know where to start with you. And Arrow! Your goatee is so distinctive, it’s a wonder no one has called you out on it-“

Green Arrow, also drunk: “Alright, there’s no need to insult my awesome facial hair-”

Batman, in despair: “It’s so ugly.”

Green Arrow: (offended noises)

Green Lantern: “Okay, the only reason you know our secret identities is because you’re a rude nosy bastard who needs to know everything about us like a creepy stalker who needs an ego boost! We’re not stupid, Spooky, we’re just polite. We could figure you out easily if we wanted to. Superman can see right through your mask!”

Usually, Batman would have a good response to that. Something smart and reasonable like “villains won’t care for your privacy, I’m testing you,” or something cutting like “I don’t care enough about you to go digging, I set your secret identity as a training exercise for Robin.”

However, Batman is Drunk, because for some reason imbibing drugs that dampen higher brain function is socially acceptable and often, for some reason, expected, because it’s “team bonding” and “come on just loosen up a bit.” (Also for him, drunk=Brucie)

So what Batman ends up saying is: “I could kiss you full on the lips in my secret identity and you wouldn’t know a thing.”

Superman, plucking the glass from Batman’s hand: “Aaaand that is enough alcohol for you!”

Batman nods. Thank God. He wants to go home and sleep. But first: “Superman, yours is so stupid it’s almost impressive-”

———

Of course, Green Lantern has smelled a challenge. And Green Lantern must annoy Batman. It’s his true superpower. So, the next time they meet (sober) he brings up the issue again.

GL: “So about what you said at the party… the part where you could kiss us full on the lips without us knowing. You still confident in that without liquid courage, Spooky? Bet you your real name you can’t do it.”

Batman, regretting the fact that alcohol has ever passed his lips: “I could do it, but I will not.”

Flash, curious: “Why’s that?”

Batman: “Informed Consent. I will not risk making any of you feel violated, or manipulated, for the sake of a stupid bet and my ego.”

GA, still offended by the goatee comment, trying to back Batman into a corner: “So if we give consent, we’re fair game? Try me, Batman. Even you can’t pull this off. Anyone else game?”

Some of the Justice League laughs, raising their hands.

Flash: “Come get me, hot stuff! I’ll call you out!”

Wonder Woman: “It could be amusing.”

Martian Manhunter: “I would be far too difficult a target.”

Green Arrow: “Not just you. C’mon, Spooky, flirting well enough to get a kiss from me? I’m a classy lady.”

Black Canary: “D-class, maybe.”

Superman, wants a kiss in on the fun: 🙋🏻‍♂️

“So that’s it then!” Green Lantern says smugly. “Batman, if you can kiss… how many people raised their hands? Ah yes- HALF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, without anyone realizing it’s you, then you win.”

Batman scoffs and walks out, leaving the Justice League in stitches at their joke. Because- Batman? Being good enough at flirting to land a kiss on half the league, without it being forced or awkward, without them recognizing his body language, his voice, his build? How ridiculous!

The Batman is Autistic. The Batman does not understand jokes, especially not ones that are half truths. The Batman has consent, and something to prove.

And Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and sexy DILF, has targets.

(Please tell me how you think he gets each League member.)

Edit: there have been a bunch of awesome additions in the notes! My own take here.

[romancerepulsed]

maybe this is a "hot take," but it's something i genuinely believe is true. aphobes can broadly be sorted into 3 categories: the uninformed, the bigot, and the bully. there is overlap between all 3, and i'm sure there are some people out there who are aphobic in a fun new way that i can't possibly conceive of yet, but i think these categories are fairly accurate and helpful for an aspec to recognize.

the uninformed aphobe is what it sounds like– they either don't know anything about the aspectrum or they've been fed false information about it. this is the only type of aphobe that is ever worth engaging with, and only to politely correct them and point them towards resources that would help them broaden their understanding. i'll be completely honest though: you'd be pretty damn lucky if you managed to actually singlehandedly change their mind. if they're not receptive to your corrections, simply move on. it's not worth the headache. you at least gave them something to think about.

the bigot, in contrast, is absolutely never worth engaging with. the bigoted aphobe is aphobic simply because aspec people are queer and they hate queer people. terfs famously used (and still continue to use) aphobic rhetoric as a sort of gateway drug for transphobia. the people who will argue that aspec folks aren't queer are often the same people who despise us because they associate us with queerness.

the third aphobe is actually the most common on this website, i think, and they're the reason i'm making this post. the aphobic bully may know full well the fundamentals of the aspectrum, but they will simplify and misrepresent it on purpose in an attempt to make aspec people look bad. aspec people have long been "acceptable targets" of bullying on this site for a reason that is fairly obvious to me but one i haven't seen anyone else point out: aspec people are largely neurodivergent. it's really no coincidence that ace discourse and cringe culture peaked at around the same time– they were one in the same, and the treatment aspec and autistic people received were (and still are) damn near identical. portraying aspec people as cringey teenagers who watched too many cartoons and are just too socially awkward for anyone to love them or whatever... it's a sentiment thats existed for years and years now. it took me a while to realize it, but this is why so many "tumblr funnymen" and other assorted popular blogs were/are aphobes too– they've got egos the size of china but they know they can't get away with blatantly picking on autistic people. so they'll hide behind a guise of aspec exclusionism, something that's unfortunately viewed as a real and valid ideology for someone to have. even aside from the thinly veiled ableism, bullies are always coming from a place of insecurity and projecting it onto other people. i've found that a lot of the most vicious aphobes are people who are struggling romantically or sexually. you can see them post about it, you can see even in the most recent discourse so many of these people are deeply stressed and hurt from whatever romantic or sexual struggles they're facing. to them, someone being unconcerned with those sorts of things is almost offensive because it means so much to them. they read it as a challenge to their own allo identity. so, why not take out that frustration on the aspecs?

it goes without saying that the bully isn't worth engaging with, either. they want to rile you up because it makes them feel better about themselves. don't give them that satisfaction.

[the-irreverend]

The Inferno Theory: The Chara Theory to End All Chara Theories

Here we are! Nine years of Undertale. And seeing how Chara is heavily associated with the number 9 (AND THAT TOBY FOX FINALLY TALKED ABOUT THEM), I can't think of a better way to celebrate the occasion than by dedicating this 5000-word-long theory about them? Y'all remember when people used to make long-ass theories about Chara? Yeah, they're coming back with a vengeance! To say I have a colossal hyperfixation is a massive understatement. No character in all of fiction has had a bigger impact on my life than this little rose-cheeked, cocoa-addicted freak. I’ve been a Chara fan for as long as I’ve been an Undertale fan, and you can bet that my understanding of them has changed a lot since. And now I have the pleasure of sharing said understandings with y’all!

Once upon a time, there was an aroace autistic who, like most of y’all, had a very unhealthy obsession with Undertale. And unlike most of you, he thought the Genocide Route was really fun. Most fans talk about how unhappy they felt killing everyone, but for me, I felt like a polar bear at a baby harp seal convention. I got a disturbing level of happiness out of turning everyone to dust. Hell, the only unhappiness I felt was when I couldn’t turn Monster Kid to dust.

Oh well, at least I got a good consolation prize!

I was one sadistic son of a gun, and so I was even more delighted to find out I had a secret admirer/partner-in-crime and that they joined in on the fun because I was such a goshdarn inspiration to them. Not wishing to disappoint my self-appointed partner, I erased the world without a second thought, eagerly awaiting what we might get to do together.

So you can guess I was pretty taken aback when, instead of a warm welcome, they started lecturing me about how I couldn’t accept the world’s destruction and that I was the one fully responsible for it (even though they were eager to take credit for it earlier). I didn’t think much of it at first. Initially, I just thought that they were just irritated that I was undoing what we had worked so hard to accomplish.

But as this game taught me time after time, you should never trust your first impressions. Those first impressions would crumble to dust when they said this.

To say I was completely baffled is an understatement. Why the hell would this prepubescent genocidal maniac be so obsessed over whether or not I think I’m above consequences? So obsessed to the point they would tell me to go to hell if I told them no? It was at that moment I realized there was something more to this character than meets the eye. But for a long time, I couldn’t seem to figure out what that something was. And it didn’t seem like anyone could figure that out either.

I’m very much a veteran of the fan wars that have emerged surrounding Chara. In fact, one might even say I am a deserter of sorts, as I am a former member of the Chara Defence Squad, Offense Squad, and Neutralist Squad. But I’m not gonna be a stuck-up and say everyone’s a canon-ignoring idiot except for me and that I’m the only one who knows what Toby Fox intended Chara to be. Even though I ended up with a very different take than yours (and will certainly argue why it’s the best), I owe you all your discussions a huge debt, and I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t gotten invested in your interpretations, to begin with. Not to mention that, contrary to what some may argue, you’ve made some valid points to complement them.

And while the debate that resulted from Chara’s ambiguous morality has led to a lot of controversy and even toxicity, it has also been a source of some FANTASTIC CONTENT. Like seriously, would we have gotten those badass renditions of Stronger Than You if no one thought Chara was an awful person? Would we have gotten Man on the Internet’s beautiful rendition of Star if no one thought Chara was a good person (turned awful)?

It would be utter hypocrisy for me to ask of you to approach me and my arguments (or anyone who accepts them) with understanding and good faith only to then not do the same to anyone who doesn’t agree with me. In this theory, I will definitely argue why some points made about Chara are flawed; points that you might hold yourself. But that doesn’t automatically mean that you (or your takes) are intellectually or morally inferior to mine. And besides, I’m not Toby Fox.

So with that said, why did I eventually came to disagree with pretty much everyone about Chara? Because, one way or another, I couldn’t find a take that clicked with me personally as I felt there were various inconsistencies and issues holding them back. I looked at YouTube videos, subreddits, Tumblr essays, Twitter threads, and even forums on the Steam Community. But I couldn’t really find what I thought were satisfactory answers to the questions I had about Chara’s motivations, role in the game, and relationship with the player.

And then, one day, I found those answers. It all happened when I asked myself: “What if Chara didn’t turn against me… because they were always against me from the start?!”

I don’t mean that Chara only saw you as a means to an end. I mean that YOU were the end. What if Chara didn’t use you so they could screw over the monsters but they used the monsters so they could screw over YOU.

You probably think I’m insane, don’t you? And you’re right! I AM INSANE! AND SO IS THIS WHOLE DAMN THEORY!!! But somehow, someway, it just works!! And I’ll show you why and how!!!

What you are about to read is the culmination of six years of reading and critiquing Chara takes and theories of every kind and quality, whether it be Judgement Boy’s Who is the Real Villain of Undertale to Wandydoodles’ Oblivion Theory. Six years of examining the arguments and counterarguments of Chara defenders, offenders, and neutralists alike. Six years of looking in every corner of the UTDR fandom. From the tranquil lands of Quora. To the dark recesses of Reddit. To the intellectual wastelands of Twitter. To the fiery hellsite of Tumblr. So, without further ado, get ready for some of the most pure, unadulterated, high-octane, universe-collapsing neurodivergence you’ve ever seen in your life!!!!!

Part 1: The demonic heritage of the "demon who comes when people call its name".

Have you ever had one of those moments where you’ve asked yourself, “What the actual hell is this guy talking about?” I bet you’re having that moment right now. Everything about their character post-death, including their motives, their methods, and their relationship with you, is perfectly reflected in one of their most famous (or rather infamous) lines:

When most people hear the word demon, the first thing that comes to mind is a being made of pure evil whose only purpose in life is to destroy all things good in the world. Right?

Well, yes, but actually, no. It’s a little more complicated than that. To argue that Chara is a demon because they’re simply “an evil little twerp that enjoys being evil” doesn’t do them or their role in Undertale justice (although that hasn’t stopped people from trying to argue that). To understand why calling themselves a demon is EXTREMELY important, we need to dive into the wonderful (and totally not controversial) world of religious beliefs!

In ancient and modern religions, demons are a little more complex than just ethereal jackasses with a vendetta against virtue and righteousness. Though they vary from faith to faith, most demons have a specific set of qualities and tropes that make them integral to whatever faith they’re in. You also see these demonic qualities in fiction that’s derived or inspired by religions, and since Undertale’s lore and worldbuilding have a heavy emphasis on the spiritual and divine, you can see them in Chara. Since Undertale is a game of “Western” origin, you can definitely see they share qualities that are all too familiar with devils of “Western” religions. In classic devil fashion, they target those with weak integrities or suspect morals; they tempt you with the promise of fulfilling your desires at your and everyone else’s expense; they’re able to control your body as you grow their power through your sins, and hell, they even do the thing where they make a deal for your soul. Also...

But though it's evident that Chara encourages you to do “evil,” THEY THEMSELVES are not responsible for it. Yes, Chara encouraged you to kill, but YOU are the one who acted on those encouragements. In fact, YOU are the one who encouraged THEM to help you out! They walked down the dark path with you, but you didn’t really give them anywhere else they could walk. You had all the power and every chance to turn back and no reason to keep walking. And yet you persisted.

But that does beg the question, why did you walk it at all? What could possibly inspire you to give all of these characters happiness, satisfaction, and peace and then rip it all away? Because you decided that giving everyone the most satisfying ending was not satisfying enough for you. Because there was more that you could experience for yourself, even if it meant making everyone else experience something absolutely horrific. It wasn’t enough for you to fill the glass only halfway. You needed to fill it to the brim. You wanted to reach the absolute. Even if doing the Genocide Run was a bad experience for you, you CANNOT deny it was a fulfilling one. And Chara knows it, too. It ain’t exactly a coincidence that fulfillment and fullness are recurring motifs in Chara’s character.

Like all demons, Chara is able to tempt the wicked and sinful by targeting our greatest weaknesses and deficiencies. It’s no different from how Succubi and Incubi target those who succumb to the sin of lust. That’s why you won’t go after my aroace ass anytime soon. But I digress.

But Chara doesn't just tempt us by exploiting our need to fill the glass to the brim but also because of how they exploit the satisfaction we get from watching it fill up, that is to say, the satisfaction that comes from trying to achieve fulfillment.

We humans are addicted to progression as much as we are to completion, and in an RPG like Undertale, the satisfaction of progression comes in the form of NUMBERS. Not just the numbers that flash on the screen when you battle enemies but also the ones that go up when you finish said enemies off, whether it be your hit points, experience points, and so on. And Undertale isn’t any ordinary RPG; it’s one where its RPG elements are interwoven into the fabric of the game’s universe. Because of that, Chara is able to use these elements in their world to influence those outside of it.

But Chara does not just influence us through the numbers that increase but also the ones that decrease. That’s why the first thing they do when we reach Snowdin is give us a tally. 

It’s not just there to measure progress. It’s also there to incentivize us to keep progressing. It gives us a small dose of satisfaction that’s enough to distract us from the mundanity and misery of the murder run, like a loading bar on a loading screen. And just like with loading screens, the farther it progresses, the harder it gets to turn away. Why would you want all the lives you’ve taken and the stats you’ve gained to amount to nothing? Why would you want to hit reset and go through those brutal fights with Sans and Undyne again? You can’t empty out the glass, not when you’re that much closer to filling it to the brim. Speaking of Sans and Undyne, it’s quite interesting that even though they barely know you, they know exactly why you won’t take your foot off the pedal, so to speak.

But that’s not the only thing driving you, isn’t it? Chara knows that there was something else that was spurning you along. Something more powerful and more dangerous than your addiction to progression and completion: PRIDE. 

Perhaps the real reason you kept giving in to sin until it was far too late was because you didn’t think it would be too late. You didn’t hold back because you thought you would be able to go back. You thought you could just absolve your sins with the press of a button like you did in countless worlds before. You thought you could dive in, touch the bottom, and come back out of the water. But what were you getting into? How deep would you have gone? And would you have gone in if you knew you couldn’t possibly return? You know you wouldn’t. And Chara knows it, too. That brings us back to the dialogue I showed you at the beginning of this theory. The one said changed everything I knew about this character, and I firmly believe that this is the MOST important line of dialogue in the entire franchise.

PART 2: THE PART WHERE I (PRETEND TO) DESTROY 9 YEARS OF ESTABLISHED FANON!

When I say that that little blurb about being above consequences is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL, I do not say that lightly. It isn’t just important to Chara's character, but the game of Undertale as a whole! Anyone who’s serious about Chara’s character should never take this for granted because Chara sure as hell does not.

It’s not just our refusal to accept the world’s destruction that’s a huge-ass deal to Chara; it’s the arrogance and complacency that accompanies it, rooted in the position and privileges we have as the player. It matters to them so much that they’re willing to completely forgo bartering for our soul (which they say they want) if we don’t admit that we have that belief!

And yet, despite Chara taking this subject so seriously, the people who are analyzing their character ironically don’t. Generally speaking, most people simply brush this line off as nothing more than something they do to help them on their quest to achieve their goals. So, with that said, let’s talk about what those supposed goals actually are.

In all my years of reading and assessing countless Chara theories and interpretations, I’ve discovered that everyone actually agrees on what Chara's goals are. They just can’t agree on why they want them. Said goals are A) reach the absolute, B) max out their numbers/power, C) erase the world, and/or D) eradicate all monsters. But what if it’s actually the other way around? What if those things were the means to an end rather than the ends themselves?

What if the true goal of the “demon who comes when people call its name” was just like that of the demons of old: not to be your partner in crime, but to torment and punish you for your crimes? To make you face CONSEQUENCES!

I’m not making this argument simply because it makes Chara look more badass (though I think it totally does, lol). I firmly believe that Undertale’s post-Genocide content is written so that Chara’s character can only make sense if that was Chara’s goal from start to finish. Because if Chara’s endgame was any of those four I mentioned earlier, their character kinda falls apart because they're awfully inconsistent about fulfilling them. And those inconsistencies are evident in the Second Geno Ending.

Discrepancy 1) They say they will “appear time and time again” to help us “eradicate the enemy and become strong,” and yet they call us perverted for eradicating everyone time and time again.

You can argue that they didn’t want us to recreate the world in the first place and just move on to another world, but if so, why let us come back at all? And if it’s to get our soul, why do they keep around this world after we have it? This leads us to...

Discrepancy 2) They tell us to ERASE the world and move on to the next, and yet they allow us to restore it without a hitch after we give them our SOUL, seeing how there’s no black void when we start the game again.

If Chara was powerless to stop us from coming back, this wouldn’t be such a big deal. But they CLEARLY DEMONSTRATE that they’re able to stop the player from restoring the world, as seen in the first post-genocide ending. And yet they don’t use this power after the first time the world is erased (WHICH YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD WANT TO USE SINCE THEY WANT TO ERASE THE WORLD AND MOVE ON TO ANOTHER)! Seeing how the world is back again without us doing anything makes the restoration of the world like something that Chara CHOSE ON THEIR OWN VOLITION. And what makes this all the more damning is...

Discrepancy 3) They tell us they’re down bad for increasing our ATK, DEF, EXP, and LV to the max and erasing the world and everyone in it, and yet they TELL US TO DEVIATE FROM THE ONLY ROUTE THAT ACCOMPLISHES THAT (which, as stated before, they call us perverse for doing it again).

So, let me get something straight. You tell us you want to ”eradicate the enemy” and “ erase this pointless world,” and yet not only are you allowing us to undo all of that, you want us to do something INSTEAD OF THAT??? It’s funny how you lecture us about how we cannot accept the world’s destruction BECAUSE, APPARENTLY, YOU WON’T EITHER!!!!! Also, before I forget...

Discrepancy 4)

WHAT KIND OF MISANTHROPE DEDICATES THEIR WHOLE LIFE TO WIPING OUT HUMANITY, GETS GIFT-WRAPPED A CHANCE TO DO THAT, AND THEN JUST PASSES IT UP?!?!?!

On behalf of misanthropes everywhere, I am DEEPLY disappointed in you!

So it doesn’t matter if you believe Chara is always evil, good, or detached from morality entirely. Because Chara has the same goal across all versions, they all succumb to the same inconsistencies!

Funny how most people see them as this embodiment of the addictive nature of levelling up and consuming everything in a piece of media and all that jazz WHEN THEY SEEM TO CASUALLY GIVE UP ON IT!!!!!!

And if you argue they want a Soulless Pacifist Run when they suggest “another path,” then ask yourself, what does that give them that a Genocide Run doesn’t? Keep in mind, aside from a scribbled-out photograph, we don’t see how many monsters or humans they killed besides the main characters or how much power and stats they gained from it. And it’s not like we see them erase the world afterward since only the genocide run has that infamous wall of red 9s. Not to mention, the genocide run is the most secure way of accomplishing their goals since they have the backing of the player. Not only that, but it’s also the safest and most efficient way to erase everyone and increase stats to the fullest, and we all know how Chara feels about efficiency.

So Chara has no reason to pick the Soulless pacifist ending over the Genocide Run if they want to achieve their end of increasing numbers and consuming the world… unless those things were a means to an end rather than ends themselves.

Indeed it is coming together! That’s the other reason their statement, “You think you’re above consequences,” is so damn important! They’re not telling us why we sinned, but it reveals they intend to make us suffer for those sins, and how.

That’s why Chara is seemingly so inconsistent about erasing the world. Because it was never about the world. It was all about YOU.

[SIDE NOTE: I’m sure many of you will point out that if Chara wanted us to get a Soulless ending in this world, then why would they encourage us to “move on to the next?” I don’t think this is too big an issue for two reasons. First, this line is meant to emphasize that, like all demons, Chara is inescapable and that no matter what world you go to (within their own universe), Chara will always follow you now that you’ve unleashed them. Second, because their goal concerns us and not the world they’re a part of, their character avoids the aforementioned inconsistencies that hamper the other Chara theories much more severely, in my opinion.]

Part 3: Contrapasso

Now I’m sure some of y’all might think that Chara doesn’t need to yearn for our torment to achieve the impact of the Soulless ending and that just because Chara is a demon doesn’t automatically mean they need to screw us over. You are right in that not everyone who makes a Faustian Bargain needs to have malicious intentions toward the people they’re taking advantage of (Kuybey from Madoka Magica is a great example of that). But Chara does need it! Not only does it make their character more narratively cohesive, but also makes their character more thematically impactful. And it’s more in tune with their demonic nature for them to want to torment us.

Because demons represent something more terrifying than evil itself. They represent the terrible price of embracing it, a price that all evildoers fear more than anything, and that all demons want seek to inflict upon us. Like most demons, Chara isn’t encouraging us to sin to fill the emptiness in our soul (or even their own). They did it to perpetuate that torturously empty and unfulfilled state for all eternity, a state which even themselves now endure.

Now, you’ve probably noticed that I’ve talked a lot about the themes of fulfillment and emptiness, and it’s for a good reason since those themes are heavily featured in Undertale. I mean, how could it not? Because concepts of demons, hell, and sins (which are explicitly mentioned in the game) are deeply intertwined with the concept of emptiness. The theologian Thomas Aquinas once defined evil as not a presence but as an absence (of that which is good). Darkness is the absence of light; war is the absence of peace; bigotry is the absence of tolerance; pride is the absence of humility, etc. You see this reflected in not just Christian theology but also fiction as a whole, as a lot of villains are motivated by a desire to obtain something that they believe can’t be without. Whether it be wealth, status, recognition, power, the death of an individual, or even just sadistic pleasure.

Since demons are beings that are inseparable from evil itself, the life of a demon is forever cursed by unceasing and unbearable emptiness. Hell, the word damnation originated from the Latin word damnum, which literally means loss! They’re not exactly partying in hell while your immortal soul is being slow-roasted for eternity. They’re burning in that lake of fire and brimstone along with you! They can’t end their damnation, not because they don’t want to but because they simply can’t. They’re fated to be bereft of the satisfaction or fulfillment found in Heaven or Earth, a fate that is worse than death in every sense of the word, especially since they can’t experience death anymore. Because of that, a demon embodies what is perhaps the most terrifying form of evil of all: not one rooted in a desire to rid the emptiness and unfulfillment within themselves, but a desire to inflict them upon others. Because as a wise philosopher once said:

We see this horrific state of mutually assured suffering everywhere across fiction. From goofy, lighthearted tokusatsu's...

...to nightmarish sci-fi dystopias...

...to a little indie game made 9 years ago.

Oh yeah. Don’t think I was gonna talk about emptiness without mentioning everyone’s favourite homicidal fauna-turned-flora, especially not with lines like this.

Take one to know one! And it can’t be a coincidence that the game emphasizes the theme of emptiness when giving the spotlight to the three characters that have committed the most “evil”: Flowey/Asriel, Chara, and YOU.

Quite the unholy trinity going on here, eh? It truly is fascinating how the emptiness led us to work with each other to exterminate all monsters. And it’s also interesting how the unique kind of emptiness we have eventually led us to work against each other. Whether it be Flowey wishing to preserve his sentimentality for his long-gone sibling, us players wanting to maintain our (perverted) sentimentality for the world of Undertale, or Chara weaponizing these sentimentalities to exact their misanthropic hatred.

Remember how I said that Chara was a lousy misanthrope because they keep letting us bring back the humans they wanted annihilated when they were alive? That does make them a lousy misanthrope… unless their misanthropy found a higher priority target: YOU!!!!! Chara’s desire to torment us didn’t come out of thin air. The same hatred that drove them to wipe out the humans of their world years ago is the same hatred that’s driving them to get at the humans of our world, even if it means destroying those who once embraced them. And now, that hatred is more potent and destructive than ever before, so much so that it’s no wonder Toriel was able to feel it when she endured that fatal blow after the Geno Run began.

Do you think witnessing what soullessness did to sweet little Asriel wasn’t already terrifying and tragic enough? Just try to imagine what it could‘ve done to a vengeful, traumatized, chocolate-addicted problem child so consumed by hatred that they poisoned themselves just for a chance to wipe out their own kind. All of that hatred of humanity is still alive and well, and now it has no humanity to hold it back. 

And what could be a more fitting target for a MISANTHROPE that calls themselves a DEMON… than a HUMAN that wants to play GOD?

After all, the only thing demons love more than tormenting mortals is warring with Gods.

Why else do you think that Chara winks right at you if we make Frisk stay with Toriel? Because that’s who the Soulless Ending was meant for. It’s when they’re finally able to unleash all that animosity and hatred that’s been lurking behind that smile ever since we killed everyone in the Ruins. It’s the moment that they’ve been patiently waiting for because they knew that’s when it would hit you the hardest.

And what makes the Soulless Pacifist Ending very special compared to other “bad endings” isn’t simply because they destroy those we pretend to care about (may I remind you that you did do the genocide run, after all). But they destroy something much more valuable to us as the players: OUR OMNIPOTENCE. Chara doesn’t destroy people for the sake of destroying them. But because in doing so they destroy our arrogant belief that nothing could possibly challenge the invisibility and invulnerability we players take for granted.

It's all too human that those with the most power are the least willing to lose it (or even take responsibility for it). And in a world where we should have absolute power, we thought there would be no consequences for abusing it. So what could be a more fitting and frightful punishment than having to actually face them? Missing out on the best ending in a video game is one thing. But to forever lose the power to achieve it ever again?! Now that’s terrifying!

Throughout myth, legend, and religion, sinners are often punished in a way befitting of the sin they’ve committed. In Greek Mythology, Tantalus was damned for trying to feed the Gods the flesh of his murdered son with eternal hunger and thirst despite being within arm’s reach of water and food. In Dante’s Inferno, those who succumb to wrath are forever doomed to fight each other in a river of mud. And since Undertale is no stranger to concepts such as hell, sins, and demons, you can damn well be sure that there’s going to be damnation fitting for the sins that drove you to complete the genocide run.

You completed the Genocide Run because you believed ending their lives would be fulfilling. Now, you can no longer get any fulfillment out of saving their lives.

I mean, where else can you get your precious fulfillment? Those paltry neutral endings? They only offer a fraction of what the pacifist ending offered. And the genocide ending has been drained of its satisfaction like the pacifist! Would you do all that tedious grinding and brutal boss fights just to hear your so-called “partner” lecture you again on perverted sentimentality and say you should choose another path, even though there’s nothing that they could offer? Of course not. In the end, you’re just like poor Tantalus agonizing in the pits of Tartarus, feeling the water vanish from his hands just before it touches his lips.

The ultimate triumph of Chara isn’t making you suffer a total defeat, but perhaps something much worse to you as a gamer: a pyrrhic victory. It’s like having a Twinkie that's been drained of the creamy center. Everything is still there except the thing you treasure most. You’re damned to play a challenge forever deprived of any and all fulfillment you once got from it, a satisfying journey that will always be doomed to reach a dissatisfying destination.

In the end, Chara leaves you with the world exactly as they described it the first time they met you face-to-face: POINTLESS.

You can have the world exactly as it was before (and the people within it). But in the end, Chara will always have the last laugh.

Figuratively and literally.

Welcome to hell!

Part 4: Why Consequences Matter

Woooooo!!! Man, that was quite the read, wasn’t it? And yeah, I wasn't kidding when I said this is going to be autistic as all hell! I don’t doubt you have a lot of thoughts in your mind, and then you’re gonna share them by the time you’re finished reading this post. Some of you might think this is the Chara theory to end Chara theories. Some of you believe that this is the worst thing that has happened to this fandom since Sebastian Wolff. Some of y’all, I’m whitewashing them because I argue they’re driven by a desire to punish the wicked by any means necessary. Some will think I’m demonizing them because I say that they’re, well, a demon. 

[SIDE NOTE: Just so I don’t miscommunicate what I believe about Chara’s morality, here are some key points to take away from this theory. A) Chara sought to make you pay for the evil you committed. In fact, the idea that the Soulless Ending is Chara punishing our sins has been around for a while, especially by those who think Chara was “corrupted. B) However, in this theory, Chara's actions are all done with the intent of accomplishing that goal. This means that Chara was aware of what they were doing, they wanted to do it, and that THEY KNEW IT WAS EVIL. C) But you still have to remember that Chara is also A LITERAL CHILD. And D) They’re a child who endured a great deal of hardship (and possibly trauma), which made them so embittered and vengeful. Also, E) Remember that they’re also soulless, just like Asriel when he was Flowey.]

But I think most of you were gonna look at this interpretation of Chara and feel the same thing that I have about most of yours: a take that’s not without issues, but not without a fair bit of interesting points.

But regardless of what you think of this theory overall, there’s one thing I won’t leave up for debate: I deeply treasure Chara’s character. Not just because I think they’re fun, cool, or interesting but also because I firmly believe they’re invaluable Undertale. And yet, at the same time, I think they’re severely undervalued by the fandom. And who can blame them?

The characters of Undertale speak very little of Chara, and Chara speaks for themselves even less. But just like Johan Liebert from the anime Monster, even though they’re not seen too often, they still manage to exert a massive presence and impact within Undertale’s narrative. And that presence is made all the more impactful because they perfectly represent the themes of the narrative: and that theme is CONSEQUENCES, or more accurately, the CONSEQUENCES OF VIOLENCE.

From the violence that drove Chara to climb Mt Ebott to the violence their brother Asriel inflicted in hopes of being with them forever. From something as grand as a war between two civilizations to something as small as dismembering a snowman. Everywhere you look, you will see that violence (and its repercussions) haunts the story and characters of Undertale. But what makes Undertale stand out from other media that tackles this subject is that it’s not just an integral part of its narrative but also its metanarrative. The most ingenious way it does this is by giving meaning to the actions/mechanics that we take for granted, specifically monster encounters.

Our Lord and Saviour Toby Fox said it best:

Because the monsters of Undetale are treated as something more than just enemies to be killed, there are going to be consequences for choosing to kill them away. Some argue that it goes too far in how it admonishes you for killing even a single monster, even to the point of being preachy (I’m looking at you, ScottFalco, but that’s a response for another day).

That argument is deeply flawed because it fails to account for the fact that without these ramifications, the game’s themes would be rendered null and void. The last thing that a game with a narrative centred around the consequences of violence can afford to do is afford you the luxury of avoiding them. And that principle especially applies if you dare to choose nothing BUT violence. //////If you were to bring them all back as if nothing happened, then your decision to commit genocide would be completely meaningless, which would totally disservice Undertale themes regarding violence. There needs to be consequences. LASTING CONSEQUENCES. Undertale can’t drive home its messages and them without lasting consequences. Undertale can’t deliver those consequences without Chara in the driver’s seat. And Chara’s character can only be at their most narratively cohesive and thematically impactful if seeking to make us suffer consequences was their intended destination.

Regardless of whatever detail about Chara you’re discussing or what side of the discussion you’re on, one thing is very clear: they’re absolutely essential to Undertale in the same way that Mephistopheles is essential to Faust, the Cenobites are essential to Hellraiser, and Kuybey is essential to Madoka Magica. And they’re the only ones with the means, motives, and deep-seated misanthropy to hold this whole damn game together.

Sans is right. We deserve to be burning in hell for what we did to those poor monsters. And I can't think of anyone more qualified to have us humans “burning in hell” than a self-proclaimed demon with a seething hatred of humanity.

And how fitting is it that the skeleton who judges our sins is followed by a human child who punishes us for them?

BUT HEY, THAT'S JUST A THEORY!

A CHARA THEORY!

THANKS FOR READING!

[pianokantzart]

Hi, can I just say I love your character studies/essays on the Super Mario characters, especially from the movie. I don't know if you accept requests, but I was wondering if you could do an essay about Luigi being autistic. Luigi is my most favorite character of all the Super Mario characters (my second fav is Peach) and I hc him as autistic because I'm autistic, so imagine my surprise when I first saw the movie and his attitude and mannerism just screams autism. Don't know if it was intentional, but either way I'm happy they made him autistic.

Thank you! This took longer than expected, but I've broken down the essay into two main arguments for Luigi having ASD:

Part 1: Difficulties Socializing

The first and most obvious thing that people point to when suggesting Luigi (Movie Luigi in particular) is on the spectrum is his social interactions. As sincere and kind as his words usually are he shows a repeated inability to read tones, register figures of speech, or understand social nuances.

And while it's not stated explicitly, it's also hinted that Luigi struggles with controlling the volume of his voice. In the movie he gets inappropriately loud when emotional or excited, and in the Luigi's Mansion games he gets quiet and mumbly to the point that he can't get a word in. In either case, it's another sign that he struggles to understand and adapt to social communication in ways that come naturally to neurotypical people.

So, while Mario is inclined toward team sports and games that involve large groups, Luigi favors solitary activities. In a flashback in the movie he's shown keeping to himself, preferring to play with building blocks on the playground alone. Details in his bedroom imply an active photography hobby, and in the games he's shown to be an avid reader and skilled mechanic; two other hobbies in which one has plenty of alone time and full control over the pace of the activity.

Part 2: Sensory Issues & Motor Function

Speaking of pacing, it's very common for people with Autism to need to work at their own speed, which is often quite slow as autistic individuals demonstrate a bias for slower deliberative processing over rapid intuitive processing. This might be part of the reason why Luigi so often drags his feet when he's in a new location, and is teased by E. Gadd in the Luigi's Mansion games for being "sluggish."

And while his clumsiness can easily be waved off as just silly comic relief, it must be noted that most people on the autism spectrum have altered motor coordination, and studies show motor skills are substantially lower in autistic children when compared to their non-autistic siblings. Furthermore, one of Luigi's most defining characteristics is how fearful and anxious he is, and 40% of autistic people experience significant anxiety throughout their lives (Luigi's fear of lightning and loud noises may imply some level of auditory sensitivity as well.)

Then there's the way he moves. In the movie Luigi repeatedly stands with his arms tucked to his chest and his hands balled into his fists; a posture colloquially referred to as "T-rex arms" in the autism community, and is commonly believed by experts to be a form of stimming.

His stimming is far more blatant in the games, especially in the Mario & Luigi RPGs and Luigi's Mansion 2, where Luigi is repeatedly shown swinging his arms, rocking on his heels, and twiddling his thumbs.

So while Luigi definitely has a love for exploration and a strong sense of empathy that defies a lot of the stereotypes of autism, there is a really good argument to be made that he is on the spectrum.

[snakeautistic]

One of the reasons I believed I couldn’t be autistic for so long was due to a fundamental misunderstanding of my social struggles. This being that I am not by any means incapable of memorizing social rules. Through observation and direction I can construct a broad framework of ‘socially acceptable or not.’ For example, I’m well aware that making physical contact with someone without consent isn’t acceptable. Or that stating blunt facts in a way that implicates someone negatively isn’t allowed. I know to avoid interrupting others if they’re already talking, to not walk away when I’m in the middle of a conversation. Crying, being unusually quiet and frowning indicates sadness. Someone smiling at laughing at what you’re saying means they probably are enjoying their time with you. An increase in speaking volume indicates excitement- either positive or negative. Sarcasm is often indicated by someone saying something absurd that you know they would never say, or you know to be factually wrong.

The fact that I had learned these broad rules made me think autism wasn’t a possibility for me. But being autistic doesn’t stop you from obtaining and applying information. (I mean that’s why so many interventions that ‘treat’ autism do result in the autistic person being able to pass as neurotypical.)

The difference comes from lacking the subconscious nuances and exceptions that come with those broader rules. For example- when is it okay to actually be honest? Some people will not be bothered by physical intimacy- but how would I know this? How can you tell if a group wants you to join in with their conversation? How to tell if this person is smiling and laughing politely or genuinely? How to tell if someone who you know very little about is being sarcastic?

There are not direct, easy to apply ‘rules’ for this, and yet clearly there are ‘right’ options. When the appropriate reaction must be determined by subtle body language or small shifts in tone of voice, ones that are near impossible to teach- I become completely lost.

That’s something I always find lacking with the general social skills advice given. It’s helpful to a point, but the truth is everyone is an individual. People express themselves differently, and react to your same actions differently due to past circumstances or temperaments. There is no one set of rules you can use for everyone, unfortunately. The majority of neurotypicals, while of course having miscommunications and the like, can rely on their subconscious to parse out any subtle changes they might need to make to their demeanor for a particular situation. My brain is much less adept at focusing down broader experience/rules into unique circumstances. (This is actually something that extends past social cues for me and I might make another post talking about it because I think it’s interesting)

Anyway rant over but yeah this was a huge mental barrier to seeking out a diagnosis for a while because at some level I ( ironically enough) took struggling to understand social cues too literally…

[thequietkid-moonie]

Autistic memeber of the Astral Express

[ PLATONIC HEADCANONS ] [ Pom Pom, Himeko, Welt, March, Dan Heng & the trailblazer ]

[ Honkai Star Rail ]

I want to make this some kind of tradition, having at least one fic with autistic reader for every fandom I write for! Request or original idea, it doesn't matter, the important is bring cute fics and comfort!!

Hope you enjoy it and feel the inmense love and comfort Moonie is expressing for you, dear reader ❤️❤️

The astral express is constantly reciving people from the whole galaxy, everyone is welcome to the visit the astral express, and just like that everyone is more than welcome to joing the nameless and travel across the universe, helping people in need

Everyone has a past and a reason to why they choose to follow their own path, and thats is respected in the astral express, they aren't bothered by it in the slighest (and even if you prefer to don't say anything about it its okay too), once you decided to join the crew you imediatly become part of the family and are accepted as such

It will be quite helpful if you are sincere and tell them about your condition, or at least one of the crew, that way they will be able to help you feel more comfortable and adapt what it is need to adapt to bring you comfort, no one in the crew will be disrespectful or think less of you (in fact, every one is more than willing to share some words of comfort if you feel insecure or even bad for your disability)

Pom Pom as the driver of the astral express he end up taking the charge of taking care of the crew (and visitors) while your stay on the train, so that is why at the end, once you joined the nameless was him who directly approached to you and ask you if there were something you needed to feel more comfortable, inisiting that there is no need to be shy, you are free to talk to him if you need anything. As well, since Pom Pom is the once who is in charge to cook (not that it bothers him, he does it with joy) he will ask you at some point if you have any preferences or even what is what you like the most when it comes to food (at the end Pom Pom will learn how to make your comfort food just the way you like it! and he actually feels quite proud of himself for that)

If changes tend to cause you distress the constantly traveling around the galaxy and constantly visiting all kind of worlds can not be the best for you, however to help you with that Himeko always make sure to take time before the jump to tell you about your next destination, telling you all the details she can in hopes to help you feel less anxious and stress by the new enviroment, as well with knowing the name of the planet you can easily search for more information in the data bank that the train owns (and since Dan Heng is always there he is more than willing to help you search the information you need)

As well, if you feel that there is something in the enviroment of your next destination that you may not be able to handle too well then you can just stay on the train while the rest of the crew take care of the problem, besides it is helpful if someone stays on the train (and if you decide to stay on the train March promise to take a lot of photos just for you and will try to bring you and Pom Pom a souvenier)

Even when you have a disability no one in the astral express will look down or think less of you, in fact all of them will try to learn about your disability and how it affects you to be able to offer the help you need, and they always does. Himeko is the best to bring comfort or help you understand things you struggle with, as well she can show you around the train and teach you how it works if you really want to know, Welt is also really good with comfort but more indirectly, making sure you never forget how apreciate you are by everyone (and not only in the astral express)

March will be the one who has more problems with adapting to your condition because she is really clingy and loud, she loves dragging you to what she is up to because she consider you as a really good friend is her way to show you how much she likes you, that is why she has to be reminded constantly to respect your space and to don't be too loud or touchy, either by you or the rest of the crew. Is probably that more than once she have trigger you and made you upsed (or even made your body hurt due the overestimulation), but that has never being her intention and she always try to make it up for you

Dan Heng is the one who is more quickly to adapt to your needs, he respects a lot your condition and always make it clear, even if he has never being too expressive you can tell by his actions how much he loves and cares for the astral express crew, including you, you can notice the little hints of him making sure there is nothing that could trigger discomfort or distress on you or quietly checking on you whenever you are spending time together, it isn't that he underestimated you but he does worry for you. Also, he has never have problems with people coming to the archives (even if it kinda is his room), so if you it brings you comfort the quiet and peaceful atmosphere of that room you are more than welcome to go whenever you want

Despite having a lot of knowledge due Kafka's helps, after their memories being eraised the trailblazer is now more like a newborn and everything is quite new, so they has to take some time to adapt and properly learn how to treat you to don't make you upset or bring you discomfort by accident, not that they thinks that your disability is a problem, is just that they don't want to bring you troubles, although, for them it won't be as dificult to adapt as it is for March and once they do and finally feels comfortable (knowing that they won't make you feel uncomfortable neither) they just become a great friend and a little bit protective over you too

[hotluncheddie]

high masking autistic steve harrington follow on from this post

ao3

wc: 2.6k | rated: T | cw: description of a meltdown with semi aggressive stimms | tags: autistic steve harrington (and eddie and robin but this is about stevie), hurt/comfort, stobin soulmates, steddie, steve Harrington has shitty parents

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

he failed. he graduated. but he failed. those unsaid words between him and his parents. some get said. the bad ones, about him, they get said. over again like he’s 5 and being told is behaviour isn’t acceptable. that how he is isn’t right. ‘shape up or ship out’, basically. steve knows he can’t go anywhere new, not right now. only freshly recovered, physically at least. mentally; he’s still unacceptable. 

when steve works at scoops. it’s so fucking bright in there. so fucking bright, all day and he can’t focus and talking to people gets so much harder. it’s not like school where he can zone out in class and turn it on during lunch, in between, keep up his face with the people around him and sink back into his head during chemistry. no. now it’s all the time, customer after customer. that he has to talk to, put on a smile for, read so he gives them what they want and they leave happy. it’s exhausting. girls don’t like him anymore, they don’t react to him the same way. he doesn’t think he likes them much either though because they’re so much more annoying when it’s so fucking bright. 

but robin (robin who cycles to work with sunglasses on and doesn’t take them off till she has too) she turns the lights down during open and close. so those couple hours, it’s not so bad. not so stressful. a little bit less loud. 

after the mall burns down steve starts letting her in. tries too. she makes it obvious enough to him that she wants him there. she asks him to stay and calls him at night and he just wants to be enough for her. eventually he’d swallowed his pride and bolstered his courage and called her after a string of nightmares. asking her to stay the night. but then she was there, and it was like everything was thrown off. she was grating on his already freyed nerves but he didn’t know what to say. how to fix it without upsetting her. 

but that night, a mirror of the mall bathroom played out in steves en-suite. steve had freaked. hidden. but she didn’t leave. and he tried to explain. 

he needs her but he doesn’t know how to have her as a true friend. ‘i dunno how to talk to a girl if i don’t wanna date them. i uh, maybe, don’t really know how to talk to someone as myself. as a friend. sorry.’ 

‘well i don’t know how to talk to jocks so. same boat.’ and she has this glint in her eye. like she knows. and it’s okay. 

because robin, she made it simple. she makes it easy. she says just ask and she’ll be honest and give him a yes or no. she’ll say if she can’t be touched right now, or if the movie he chose is pissing her the fuck off. and she wants the same from him. if the music is too loud, if she needs to let him not speak for a while. wants him honest and present and real. real friends. someone close. finally. 

it’s rocky at first. she’s honest and he’s not used to it. it feel like criticism more often than not. makes him see red and lash out, like he was never able to with his parents. but he apologises and she stays. and he’s learning; that’s it’s okay, he’s not perfect and that means she’s knowing the real him. and she’s still his best friend even if he has to tell her to stop picking her nail polish off around him because it makes him want to die. and she laughs at him the first time she sees him in real recovery mode; hair not styled and he has on the only sweatshirt that ever feels good when he’s like this. 

they lay on the floor in darkness and silence. it’s perfect. they share a tin of soup and a grilled cheese. it’s perfect. 

being around robin as much as he is, its so new, having someone see so many parts of you. sometimes she laughs at him asking steve ‘why’d your voice change?’ but steve didn’t even know it had. he was, he was just talking to someone else quick, being nice like you’re supposed to, attentive to make them feel good. he didn’t know his voice changed that much. 

‘girls would like you more if you talked normal to them. how you do to me.’ 

steve swallowed thickly. he just. he just doesn’t know that thats true. nancy left, he talked to her about lots of things, too many things. she like him better at the start. before some of his black tar innards spilled out. before he freaked. before he was able to paste himself back together and she saw him for what he really is. 

he thinks of his parents. how they don’t know him and still don’t like him. anxiety prickles at his fingertips at the thought of those times they do come home. 

because with them there the routine he’s carved for himself, those quiet moments of darkness that he so craves. they’re gone. now it’s tv static and plates clanging and having to show his face at dinner again. but he’s not ten anymore. now he’s an adult whose still drowning in the tension of the room, never able to say what’s really going on, never allowed to ask how they really feel, never taught how to figure his feeling out. no listening ear for steve as a child, and the ice only grew thicker with time. 

it’s his skin itching at his mother stirring her tea across the house, spoon agains porcelain. it’s the hair on the back of his neck standing up at the sound of ice clinking in his fathers scotch glass. it’s triggered memories playing over and over again. it’s being plagued, by ghosts who haunt him, who left but come back every so often, like poltergeists. polietgists with the deed to the house, and ownership over steve, through blood and fear alone. 

‘when they get back you come to mine steve yeah? you come home.’

because now theres not just robin. there’s eddie. 

he sees everything. and more. even when steve’s trying to hide. eddie sees. 

he noticed steve squinting at the hospital and asked the nurse to turn the lights down. he saw how he started zoning out at a diner with the kids, their arguing reaching a pitch, asked steve to keep him company for a smoke break. once they were outside eddie said he just needed a moment, ‘those kids can be animals’. said it and looked a him like he didn’t need an answer, let steve just breathe a focus on the sound of the wind. 

it’s like there’s a million tiny moments, a million tiny cracks in him forming the more he’s around eddie. like his soft underbelly is mewling any time he’s around, wanting attention, wanting to let eddie see. let eddie touch. 

eddie used to look at him sometimes, across the lunch hall. stare at him with an expression steve couldn’t really make sense of. he used to think it was judgment, annoyance. now he wonders if that face was confusion or interest. maybe eddie’s always been trying to figure steve out. 

once it starts. them. eddie’s everywhere. more somehow, maybe, than robin because, you know, they go there. but it’s different, from those time, with those girls. instead now he’s there and his brains off and on in a, like, magical way. a new way that makes him feel whole and, and beautiful. 

this thing they have. it’s fragile. it’s not perfect. he messes up, takes him a moment to grasp how eddie can be so so himself, always, no matter what. especially when it causes him problems. ‘why not just try and fit in?’ but the stone faced reply told steve that was the wrong thing to say, he didn’t get it but he needed to respect it. respect eddie and his choices. ‘i’m not like you steve, even if my brain shit was all gone i’d still be poor, i’d still be othered. still be a gay weirdo little freak.’ 

and steve is trying to get it. he’s learning to recognise that it’s sadness and confusion in eddie’s eyes when he visits him at work, knowing steve is having a bad day and watching him pretend. watching that mask form thick and fast, hiding the real him, protecting but also keeping everyone far far away. steve thinks maybe they’re living parallels. finding different ways to survive. neither better, neither worse. both far from perfect. 

then that pinched sadness in eddie’s eyes. watching steve pretend. cover up. that damn breaks eventually. eddie sees all of him and more. those bits he always kept locked inside. between he and himself. it all comes spilling out. 

they were supposed to be going out soon. but eddie wasn’t feeling it anymore ‘let’s just stay here, be cozy a little longer. what do you say, sweetheart?’ it does sound nice. steves so tired. but they decided. they had a plan. 

‘we said we would. and i have to buy that thing eddie. we had a plan. and i have to go to work later, so we have to do it before. like we said and then i have to work eddie.’ and before he knows it there’s tears prickling his eyes and the ceiling fan is so loud and the desk lamp is too bright and he smacks a fist to the top of his head and it hurts a little but he’s so frustrated and so overwhelmed and so confused and embarrassed, suddenly. and he can’t breath. why can’t he breath? they had a plan. 

they were supposed to go see hopper and pick something up and he has to talk to him and ask about the game because he needs hopper to like him because it’s better when el can come when all the kids hangout. it’s important that she’s happy so hopper needs to trust steve so steve was going to talk to him today and pick something up. it was the plan. hopper makes him nervous but that was the plan. and then he had to go to work. but now he can’t breathe and he feels like he needs something to hurt. 

‘but he already trusts you with el stevie. hop trusts you with anything.’ 

‘i can’t know that. not for sure. when i talk to him it needs to be perfect.’ steve paces. a pinch at his arm. a tug at his hair. pivot. pace. repeat. 

‘i heard what he said to you steve, on your birthday, he was calling you son all day. you don’t need to prove anything to him.’ 

‘i do eddie! you don’t understand. people, they lie. adults lie. they don’t say things the way they mean. i can’t fuck up talking to him. not like i always fuck up talking to my parents. i need to do it better. do it differently. because everyone always leaves. and i just don’t want to be alone again.’ and the tears really start to fall and steve can barely breath and he’s so embarrassed. shaking hands try and cover his face but the tears slip through. 

and all he can think about is the plan. going to work. his vest hanging by the door. the way the plastic tapes feel in his hands. the smell of the bleach they mop the back room with. the day stretches before him. so many things in the way. so much anxiety still to come. if he can’t start, it can’t end. he gnaws at his lip. thumps a hand to his chest, trying to breath right, trying to ground. 

‘i have to go to work’ he mutters. like a prayer. speak it in to happening. taking him away from the now. thump thump thump at his chest. ear ringing. 

eddie’s holding his arms out, giving steve the option. he speaks so calmly, so earnest. ‘you can’t go to work steve. not like this baby.’

steve rounds on him. angry. when did everything get so messed up? if he was just left alone. he should’ve stayed on his own. ‘i cant just call in sick eddie! i’m not sick and and i hate the way they’ll sound when i say it over the phone and knowing what they’ll be thinking about me. they’ll know i hate the job and think i’m lazy and realise how stupid and useless i am and fire me. i can’t afford to get fired eddie. i’d rather just go in.’ he know it comes out garbled, his cheeks on fire. 

‘i’m not letting you go in steve. i’ll sort it. i’ll go pick up robin before and she’ll cover for you, she’ll explain. and she would never. ever think that of you.’ eddie’s voice dropped octave. he speaks clearly and plainly and finally there’s a new plan to follow. a new rule for the day. 

and all steve can do is curl up in a ball and sob. curl up in a ball against eddie chest, in his arms, squeezing his t-shirt between his fingers. clenching his muscles tight, his teeth grinding together. grunting out some of the decade old scream, still stuck there but more visible to him now. 

until finally finally, he relaxes. spent and exhausted. too afraid to open his eyes and face the lamplight, face what could be in eddie’s expression. he drifts..

eventually he gets up, blows his nose and splashed water on his face, turns off all the lights and get back under the warm blanket. fills his lungs. sighs. whispers, ‘m’sorry’ 

‘don’t say that. there’s nothing to apologise for’ eddie’s so close, so warm. 

‘no one’s supposed to ever, see that.. it’s okay if you want to leave’ 

‘steve. why the fuck would i leave you right now?’ 

‘who’d wanna date someone who acts like that? it’s. it’s not good eddie. but, but it’s okay. i’m used to being alo-.’ 

‘please stop stevie. your breaking my heart here. i want to stay, i want to be here with you. i really really like you steve.’ and steve’s cheeks feel wet again. he feels flayed open and young, like a little kid who fell off the swings and everything is different suddenly. 

later later when eddie picks robin up from work she stalks in to where steve’s wrapped up on the couch. curls up into his side and exhales. she bites into his bicep. huffing a sad, annoyed little ‘dingus’ before grabbing his hand and fiddling with his fingers. 

steve feels his eyes prickle again. looking up at the ceiling he croaks out a small ‘sorry.’ for the day. for everything. for anything he can be. and everything he can’t. 

robin kneels on the sofa right next to him. growling a little and placing one of her hands at his sternum and the other at the same height on his back. like she’s forcing herself inside him, holding him together. her hands start to rub up and down quickly, frenzied and grounding for both of them. steve let’s his head hang. eyes closing at the sensation. he grunts. robin grunts back. 

eddie joins. sitting at his other side. slipping a hand in steve’s hair, soothing his scalp with long scratching fingers. and steve humms, sighs, keens. eyes closed he drifts but not away from his body, instead into it. with gratitude, and warmth. at the centre of the two best things that ever happened to him. willing to try again. be just, better. never perfect. 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

pt 3 snippet

a little happier for u @pearynice <3

ty @spectrum-spectre @vampyreddiemunson @fangirlycupcake @grandwretch for ur tags and additions, it was very inspiring

and tags for lovely @irethsune @willim-billiam-byerson @2jug2head

[drdemonprince]

What if your unmasked self is unacceptable even to other autistics? I feel like if I don't carefully curate myself I'm too weird and annoying to sustain friendships even with other weirdos. This thing where unmasking makes people like you more because it's more ~authentic~ just hasn't been true for me and it makes me really sad.

Well, what does "weird" and "annoying" mean in this case? In unmaskers I frequently see a lot of understandable social trauma playing out in, let's just say, not the most socially effective of ways at times. No longer mindreading and people pleasing and fawning is all to the good; becoming completely unfiltered while still harboring a ton of deep-seated fear of abandonment and then spilling it out all over people will understandably drive them away. No longer faking emotions and tone of voice preserves energy and helps us feel more genuine, but never putting any energy into trying to understand a friend's interests or emotions will kill a friendship.

There is a messy counterbalancing that has to occur for many unmaskers; at first we focus on never doing anything false and allowing our unbridled selves to roam free -- and then we often recognize that we will need certain self-advocacy, listening, communication, and even diplomacy skills to actually relate to other people, even while remaining true to who we are.

It's normal for the unmasking process to initially seem like it's making you harder to love, more annoying, more bizzaree -- that's a necessary corrective to having previously aimed to make yourself unremarkable or widely liked.

But if you find yourself repeatedly socially alienating even out and proud neurodivergent people, it may be worth asking whether you are taking actions that are pushing them away. Things like interrupting people when they are trying to open up to you, invalidating their feelings, seeking reassurances that no other person can provide, not interacting, self-victimizing, just generally hurtful interpersonal stuff that us traumatized folks sometimes do even in community with one another. If this is the case, you will have to work on accepting the feedback when people are kind enough to tell you that you're bothering them or disrespecting them -- it is not the end of the world, it is a habit you can notice and correct.

Or you might just still be withdrawing and inhibiting very hard, and doing self-protective things that convey to others that they should give you a wide berth. Lots of unmaskers give off really strong "dont talk to me dont come up to me i feel socially unsafe right now" vibes that are completely honest and authentic to where they are at the moment, even if they wish they could seem more welcoming. Please give yourself some grace to feel all that if that's what it is.

No one is too weird or too annoying to make friends. But you might need to find the people who are weird enough and mad enough and disabled enough for you. Alternatively, you might have some interpersonal baggage that affects how you treat others you still need to work on. Or your internalized disability stigma might just be telling you that youre being too much when youre barely taking up social space at all.

You know your pattern of experiences and the feedback others have given you, so hopefully you can sort out what is currently missing in your social life based on that and some reflection and more testing. Good luck and let me know what you figure out.

[bodybahng]

when can i take this off?

masterlist

word count: 2.5k

pairing: lee know x autistic gender neutral reader

warnings: reader is obsessed with foxes (minho pays genuine attention and supports them), this is NOT kinky but there is a comment that could be read as primal play (predator/prey), intimate touches, ‘tummy’ is a word i find cute and use to describe all stomachs in general so it’s still neutral and everyone can feel included, a couple suggestive comments, one very tiny and brief mention of animal abuse

a/n: can you tell this was entirely self-indulgent? lol and i just want to add that the way reader is/acts is based on my own experience! keep in mind that every autistic person is unique and can be different than what i am/wrote 🥰 i had fun with this one, i really hope you guys enjoy it 🤍

if you are a minor or an ageless blog and interact with my content, you will be blocked.

minho was taken by surprise when you suddenly ran to the living room and jumped by his side on the couch, making him pause the show he was watching.

“hey,” he said with a chuckle, the corners of his mouth turning up once he noticed how happy and excited you looked. “what’s up?”

“there was a study that showed how it’s not painful or harmful when foxes are mousing!” you started saying eagerly.

“oh, really? and why is that?” he turned his body toward you so he didn’t have to strain his neck.

“because of the shape of their elongated snouts, they’re actually able to penetrate the snow instead of compressing it, ‘cause in this case the snow behaves kind of like water, so there’s not much resistance, making them able to reach deeper to catch rodents!”

“oh, that makes sense.” he nodded, trying to picture the scene in his mind.

“yeah, that’s different than if, let’s say, a cat dived its face into the snow like that. it would hurt because their skulls are flat in the front, so the impact could cause them to get hurt since it compresses the snow and creates a resistance that could cause damage to them!” you went on about the research you’d just read on the subject.

“oh, i see… that’s really interesting! nature and evolution and all that is actually really cool, the way that their bodies are just built like that and they can easily hunt and just…be foxes without giving them any injuries is cool,” he added, seeing the way you nodded to his every word with a sparkle in your eyes.

“i know, right?” you grinned, shaking your fists excitedly. “so, reading this paper and then looking up pictures of them made me think of something.”

“hm?” he hummed, looking at you with a curious expression. “what did you think of?”

“you know how foxes are like… so pretty and cute and majestic?” you started, wanting to give him a good set up before outright saying it.

“of course,” he agreed immediately.

“you are also all of those things…” you said a little more quietly, but he still caught it, cocking his head to the side. “i know, you’re wondering how those two things correlate.”

“read my mind.” he chuckled.

“well, i was thinking that maybe i could…” you trailed off, and he encouraged you by placing a hand on your clothed thigh. “i wanna draw fox makeup on you… would you let me, min?”

the question took him off guard, not that he knew what he was expecting you to ask in the first place. he thought you meant painting his skin with bright orange face paint and wrinkled his nose. “i don’t know about that…”

you started pouting, now sitting on your knees so you could prop yourself higher. “pleeease! it’ll be just like normal make up, except i’ll give you a little black snout and whiskers! and…”

“and?”

“and maybe the cute, realistic fox ears headband i have… to give it a little realistic touch.” you were a little flushed now, trying to look anywhere but at him.

“what do i get out of this if i accept?” he let his hand gently come up to tilt your chin to his direction.

“you’ll look really, really cute!” you replied cheerfully while your hands came up to hold his cheeks between them. “and you’ll make me very happy.”

“do i have to wear the ears?” his tone showed he was slightly annoyed, but you knew he didn’t mean it in a bad way.

“please, min,” you pleaded, jutting your lower lip out even more, overdoing your expression to give him your best puppy eyes.

minho wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about doing it and he knew you wouldn’t be mad if he said no. maybe you’d be a little upset, but he knew you would never cross any boundaries if he wanted to set them. however, he was also aware this would pretty much be the same as the countless times he had to wear makeup for work, except it would be more of an artistic one.

“we can eat pudding later! i’ll buy you lots,” you tried bribing him with his favourite dessert.

“you’ll eat them just as much as me, i don’t see how that’s fair. but i don’t mind, you don’t have to buy me that. i’ll do it,” he finally gave in, and now it was his turn to pout.

“YAY!” you shouted, quickly getting up from the couch to jump up and down. he laughed at your reaction, and you tugged at his hand. “i love you, min!”

“yeah, i love you too, i guess,” he joked, staring at your joined hands. “wait, you mean right now?”

you looked at him with furrowed brows until he glanced behind you and your gaze followed his to the TV. “oh, sorry!” you said bashfully, letting him go. “you can keep watching it, i’ll start getting everything ready and you can come to me later.”

“i have this one and then two more episodes left, can i finish them first? it’ll take a couple hours.”

“that’s okay, i already feel a bit bad for interrupting you anyway,” you admitted, leaning in and puckering your lips.

he rolled his eyes playfully and gave you a loud smooch, making you giggle and rub your lips afterwards.

after getting everything ready, you ended up taking a nap since you hadn’t slept well the previous night, hugging minho’s pillow tightly as you drifted off.

you didn’t know for how long you were out when you slowly woke up with the feeling of his front pressing to your back and his arm going around your middle in between you and the pillow, hand resting softly on your tummy.

“hi, baby,” he cooed once he saw you moving and yawning. “i made dinner.”

you shuddered as he lightly squeezed your skin, letting out a breathy sigh. he did it again, making you let his pillow go and turn to face him, his hand now on your lower back and pulling you even closer to him.

“sorry,” he muttered with a grin. “i just love your tummy.”

“and i love that you love it, but you can’t give it too much attention and expect me to be sane about it.” you pecked his lips and hugged him back.

“i would love to keep getting you riled up, but you need some food in you and after that you can transform me into a fox,” he said in feigned aggravation. “as much as i would prefer it if you pounced on me.”

your cheeks grew hot at his comment, that same heat threatening to spread all over you until he sat up and pulled you with him. “come on, baby.”

you both talked about random stuff while eating, and you did the dishes right after, since he was the one to cook. he kept you company, watching you adoringly even as you did something mundane.

“so, where do you wanna do it? in the study room where all your things are?” he asked as you were leaving the kitchen.

“yeah, i think there’s better lightning there,” you agreed, making your way there and having him sit on your chair. “thank you for agreeing, min. you know you can say no to me, right?”

“heh, don’t worry, jagi. i know. but i know you’ll be happy and i don’t mind,” he said, definitely not admitting that he was curious to know how he would look ‘cosplaying’ a fox, specially since his hair was already dyed orange.

“if you’re sure,” you checked one more time before grabbing bunny clips to hold his hair back, away from his face.

“i am,” he reassured and turned his head to the side so he could press a gentle kiss on your palm.

you were both quiet as you did your work, prepping his skin first then starting to grab brushes and palettes to paint his face. you started by applying a soft orange eyeshadow to his lids, adding a little bit of white on top.

for the next step, you did winged eyeliner, finding a balance of not too long, but not too short. then, you followed up by also adding some on the inner corner of his eyes, trying your best to make it resemble a fox. lastly, you glued a few orange and white gems around his eyes.

“can i see how it looks so far?” he broke the silence, startling you a little, and he chuckled “sorry.”

“it’s okay,” you mumbled, picking up a small mirror and handing it to him. “what do you think?”

“oh, that’s pretty! you’re good at this,” he complimented you, eyes looking at you filled with love.

“i’m glad you like it.” you smiled, bringing your hand to hold his face and caressing his lower lip with your thumb. he poked his tongue out, licking your digit and you pulled back with a frown. “why are you like this?”

he let out a small ‘hehe’ before hugging your standing form. “i just love messing with you. and don’t pretend that you don’t like it.”

“i’m well aware that you’re a menace. but you’re my menace and i wouldn’t trade you for anything,” you confessed with the biggest smile.

“not even if you could have a pet fox?” he teased, holding you tighter and pressing a kiss to your clothed stomach.

“well…” you started, and he looked at you with a deadpan expression which caused you to laugh. “would it comfort you to know i’d have a really hard time choosing?”

“no,” he barked, fingers coming up to start tickling you.

“min,” you warned, fingers now playing with his hair before your nails delicately scratched his head. “as much as it would be awesome to have a fox, i know they aren’t pets like dogs or cats. i would only have one if there was no other way to get them out of an abusive situation. so, yeah, i choose you over the fox.”

he let his head fall slightly to the side as he leaned into your touch, a surprised look on his face. “i didn’t know that, now i feel even more special than before.”

“of course you are special,” you spoke softly, meeting him halfway to give him a slow kiss. “i love you.”

“i love you, baby.”

“now stop distracting me and let me finish your look, please.” you smiled as he pouted and took the opportunity to grab a lightly tinted orange lipstick, applying it to give his lips a hint of colour.

you used a darker shade of orange eyeshadow as blush to apply subtly to his cheeks, complementing the art on his eyes. and, for the final touch, you grabbed an eye pencil to mimic the tip of the snout, adding three dots, as well as two whiskers, on each side.

“done!” you said excitedly, stepping back to admire his face. “you look so adorable.”

you took the hair clips out and placed the realistic ears headband on his head, adjusting his hair a bit, not being able to contain your huge toothy smile.

minho got up and walked to the bathroom to look at himself in the big mirror. he wanted to laugh for thinking he looked a little ridiculous, but he didn’t because he didn’t want you to think he was laughing at your work.

“so? what do you think?” you asked from behind him, hands coming around his middle to hug him.

“i think you’re really happy and that makes me happy,” he said, looking at you through the mirror. when he saw your pout, he sighed. “okay, i admit, i feel a little silly, but… i guess i do look cute.”

you squeezed him contentedly at his confession, making him turn around so you could look directly at him once more. “you really do, my foxy boy.”

“you know, it’s funny that you dressed me up as a fox when i’m actually what foxes prey on.” he laughed at the irony.

“i do prey on you, my bunny,” you joked, childishly showing him your tongue. “but i just wanted to put together two ‘things’ i love the most.”

“hmm, i’ll take that,” he replied with a smirk, kissing you carefully to not mess up the makeup. “so… when can i take this off?”

“i had planned to take a few photos… i swear i’m not gonna post them, i’ll keep them for the memories and because i want to bite you.”

“you always want to bite me,” he retorted. making a disgusted face, he let his shoulders slump. “i really do love you a lot if i’m letting you take pictures… but if you ever even think about showing anyone…”

“i won’t,” you promised, running to get your high quality camera and calling him back to your study room.

you took a few pics of him just standing there and sulking a bit, as well as some mid-sentence because he started complaining that it was enough.

“i just wanna ask one more thing…” you tried, lowering the lenses and taking an object from the drawer.

“no, that is way too much,” he complained instantly, shaking his head back and forth.

“please!” you insisted, going up to him and giving your best puppy eyes again. “you can choose whatever you want and i’ll do it or give it to you, just, please, do this one last thing?”

he thought it over. there wasn’t much he could ask that would match the wild request you were making. but there were two things he knew you disliked and would always reject him when he asked, so maybe he could compromise a little, even if in his head they weren’t equivalent.

“if you promise to go camping and fishing with me, i’ll wear the tail.”

what he asked wasn’t even that bad, but you still didn’t want to, especially the fishing part. eventually, you were won over by your desire to see him with the final piece of the ‘costume’. “ugh, okay, deal.”

minho was honestly surprised that you’d accepted, but he tried smiling in victory as you secured it to his pants. once you stepped away and cooed at him, you retrieved your camera from where it sat on the table and started snapping a few more shots.

you had perfect timing, giggling as you started recording him without him knowing, and he finally allowed himself to act silly just for you, shaking his butt to move the tail and showing his teeth in an attempt to look predatory.

“i can’t believe i caught that on video,” you muttered once you lowered your camera, turning it off.

“delete that,” he said with a serious expression. “it’s humiliating enough that i had to wear a tail.”

“i told you it’s just for me, jagi. i promise.”

“okay… you can check the pictures and rewatch me being ridiculously awkward while we plan my, well, our camping trip!” he kissed your cheek before taking the tail and ears off, leaving them on your desk. “are you happy?”

you followed him to your bedroom, carrying your laptop to look at the pictures before sitting next to him on the bed. “very much so. thank you for being such a sweetheart about it, min.”

“of course, there’s not much i wouldn’t do for you. i love you.”

[hareofhrair]

While I'm yelling about House MD--

I see in the notes of my House posts sometimes people being like "ooh, maybe I should watch that" and I always kind of wince and want to grab them like, yeah, please do, but also watch out. There's a reason we call it hate crimes md, and it's not just because of the queerbaiting.

So the thing about House is... It began airing in 2004. The 2000's were, for those of you who missed them, an... interesting time for what was then still called "political correctness." And these times were heralded by a certain Type of Guy, with a certain type of Edgy Humor. In pushing back against the admittedly very white liberal language policing of the PC movement, his goal was to be as offensive as possible, to every demographic possible. For those that had thought it through enough to justify this behavior, the claim was an intent to shake things up and force people to confront their unspoken biases and have hard conversations. The catch phrase was "I'm not racist, I hate everybody equally." These were your Jeff Dunhams, your Dane Cooks...

(For my part, I think it was, at it's heart, white guys attempting to parrot the marginalized groups demanding radical acceptance? A gay person saying "yeah I'm a faggot, what's it to you?" A disabled person saying "yeah I'm crippled, fight me about it. Call me a person with special needs again and I'll break your kneecaps with my cane." They picked up on the "we'd rather be called a slur than this avoidant, self righteous, language policing bullshit" and came away with "so I should call everyone slurs, got it.")

Enter House MD.

The tagline of the show is "Everybody Lies," and it's a very consistent theme throughout. The thesis of the show is that our society, with its shame and repression and bias, is incapable of real honesty. And approaching problems with soft, non confrontational language that talks around the issue instead of dealing with it only makes this worse.

So naturally, House is one of Those Guys.

I doubt there is a single episode in which he does not at some point, say a slur. When Foreman (the only black character and, until Kutner and Park, the only non white major character) is in the same scene with House, you can be absolutely certain he is going to say something racist, while staring at Foreman with a shit eating grin, daring him to make a fuss about it so he can monologue about how Affirmative Action is actually condescending to black people.

It would be one thing if this were strictly a character choice, something that was specifically wrong with House the person. Unfortunately, even when House is not involved the show itself is still, just, blindingly racist, all the time. Any time the patient isn't white, it's a horror show. Racist caricatures as far as the eye can see. It's also intermittently sexist, intersexist, nauseatingly fatphobic, and while it generally does better with disability than most any other show of the time, it is still shockingly ableist at times given the main character is, himself, physically disabled, and implied to be autistic as well.

What makes it worse is that they set House up as someone who wants to deflate people's egos and make them confront their biases ect, and then almost never puts him in a position where he's punching up. There's even a specific episode where he's treating a conservative campaign manager who released an insanely racist anti-migrant political ad, and his racism just doesn't get brought up. The ugly truth about himself he's forced to confront is that he's gay, and the man he's in love with and the people he surrounds himself with are, well. Conservatives.

All of this is not to say you shouldn't watch House or that House is a bad show. It's just very much a show from a very specific and unfortunate moment in the recent history of the ongoing battle for equality. The worst part is, its heart is in the right place, it is just doing a real bad job. It wants to be progressive. It just thinks being polite and respectful is weak and lame.

On that note! The show also features a canonically bisexual woman who actually says the word bisexual-- fucking wild for the time, where the best you generally got was vague allusions to "swinging both ways."-- And it shows her in relationships with both women and men. Including, very notably, Foreman. And if I need to tell you how revolutionary it was for them to show a romantic relationship between a black man and a white woman in the 2010's, take a minute and think about how many relationships like that you've seen in TV or movies since then. Or ever.

It centers on a nuanced and compassionate portrayal of an addict, and tackles the realities of that in an incredibly honest way I don't think I've seen anywhere else. Just the simple, consistent reminders that both House and the other addicts featured on the show are using for a reason, and it's often because they have medical needs that have been neglected by bigoted doctors. There's a whole arc where they try to restrict House's use of painkillers by reducing his prescribed dose to basically a handful of ibuprofen, claiming he only thinks he needs such a high dose because he's addicted and he'll "adjust" to a lower dose in time-- IE, get used to just living with the extreme pain. Unsurprisingly, the increased pain makes him awful to be around, worse at his job, and eventually drives him further into addiction. The way the show deals with this is honestly fantastic, especially given, again, this was the 2000's and 2010's. For a somewhat contemporary comparison, take a look at how addicts are portrayed in Breaking Bad, which came out four years after House in 2008. The general attitude towards addicts was not great.

This show has a lot going for it. The relationships and the stories it tells are honestly incredible. But it is also very flawed, and people should be aware of that going in.

If you want to start watching House, awesome! But maybe look up trigger warnings first.

(Also, completely aside from All That^ there's also the genre typical medical gore and body horror, so, you know, also be prepared for that!)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not wanting to go out for dinner with Granddaddy?

CW: long post

My (43, FtM) husband's (39,M) family experienced several very grievous losses, including my husband's stepdad and his maternal grandmother, in 2022. MIL is not taking things well, which is to be expected, but she has a tendency to use hubby's deceased dad against him if he can't or does not wish to do something (e.g. bursting into tears and going "I wish your dad was still here, he would have known how to fix the chainsaw and trimmed the trees!" "I wish your dad was still here, HE wouldn't have told me to call a plumber for the toilet!" Also going on utterly unrelated rants that upset everyone in our home and blaming it on her grief.) Worth noting she hasn't ever pulled these tricks with hubby's younger brother (27M) despite him living with her. Also worth noting that she has said some really nasty things about me, my gender and sexuality over the last few years simply because I encourage him to stand up for himself, and has apologised to him but never to me. Nonetheless, we are family and we abide. (This is relevant backstory, I do not need to be told she sucks, we been knew.)

PRESENT! Since Grandmother (hubby's grandmother, who hated me even more openly than MIL does for being trans and turning her grandson gay, and always played her kids, grandkids and great grandkids against each other) died, Granddaddy (84M, hubby's grandfather) has been a bit at sea. "NTA!" i can hear you shouting, but Granddaddy is actually a solid dude-- has never misgendered me, is unfailingly kind to me and has always made me feel like part of the family in a way *no one else* in hubby's family does. He's lovely, funny, intelligent-- used to work in aeronautics and loves that i love his sci fi books, and adores exchanging silly cheesy jokes with me when we hang out. He's *great!* 10/10 Granddaddy.

MIL is of the opinion that Graddaddy needs to be taken out to dinner *every night*. He can never have a night alone; he can never call an uber to go out by himself; and we certainly cannot make a meal and take it to his home to eat in. He MUST be taken out to dinner EVERY night because it's the only social interaction he gets.

It's killing our wallet, y'all-- we aren't poor, but we have three kids. We've whittled it down to us taking him out twice a week, but he doesn't want to go to McDonald's, he wants to go to the local Italian or fish place, and it's *not* cheap, especially when paying for six! MIL "takes him out" five times a week (which usually means dropping him off and going to the gym while he makes waitresses uncomfortable because he's from a different generation), but she has decided two days a week are on us (we aren't just going to drop him for play dates because that doesn't make him OR the waitstaff happy!). Mind, we never agreed to this-- she just decided it, and if we argue against it we get hysterics about hubby's dad.

I am autistic and truly do not like going out more than a couple times a month at most. I have urgently suggested that I could make dinner at Granddaddy's a couple times a month, but this is NOT acceptable according to MIL. We HAVE to go out, he's GRIEVING and LONELY, isn't he?

No, no one has actually asked Granddaddy how he would feel about this, and I am a monster for even asking them to.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[gallifreyix-centuries]

Asmodeus x Autistic Female Reader Headcanons:

*Asmodeus is the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. He met you when you were a customer of his club, he noticed you were getting uncomfortable due to somebody hitting on you. He took you to a room where you could be away from your harasser.

*That would become your own private area whenever you visited Ozzie’s. Asmodeus would strike up conversations with you and you told him about your autism. He became accepting of you and found himself falling for you, he would confess to you in a private setting and you told him you felt the same way.

*Ozzie loves to spoil you rotten. He uses his engineering skills to build you custom stim toys along with a pair of sound canceling headphones with his sigil on them. You absolutely adored the gifts Asmodeus makes for you. You cherish them deeply.

*Fizzaroli absolutely adores you as well. He’s so happy to have you join in him and Ozzie’s relationship.

*If anyone is ever being ableist to you in his club, Ozzie and Fizzaroli immediately ban that person from ever coming back.

*You eventually move into Asmodeus’ mansion so you can be closer to him and Fizz. They make you a sensory room in the mansion and make sure your room is next to their’s.

*Asmodeus will fire any member of his staff who’s ableist towards you. He immediately makes it clear that he won’t have anyone disrespecting you.

*If you’re having a meltdown Ozzie will hold you to his chest and try to calm you down. “It’s okay babe I’ve got ya.” He’ll say as he kisses your cheek.

*If Asmodeus isn’t there when you have a meltdown Fizz will wrap his arms around you and hold you close to him. “It’s alright baby I’ve got you.”

*If you ever get invited over to Beelzebub’s she’ll have a sensory friendly room at her mansion for you so you can enjoy yourself without being overwhelmed.

*You’re always welcome to sleep with him and Fizzaroli if you ever have bad dreams or can’t sleep. Ozzie snuggles you to his chest while Fizz wraps his arms around you.

*Asmodeus loves to hold you in his arms as you play with the stim toys he’s built for you.