#AND at the center of levi's visions/memories

[this-is-krikkit]

oh by the by, i know there's like 3 of us in the fandom but shout out to my fellow erurihan shippers!!! those visions certainly Fed Us well, my dear polyfam siblings :D

[h0neylevi]

post-war, canonverse, semi-public sex, fingering, fem!reader, some light degradation, dry humping, MDNI

w/c: ~ 1630

Everything has been so new lately.

Moving to Marley after the war had been an easy decision, but that didn’t mean the physical act of settling into a new place wasn’t without its hurdles. Mostly, it was about adjusting—getting used to the advances in technology that wasn’t present on Paradis. Telephones, cars, radios, even electric stoves were commonplace things that Levi still marveled at.

And then, there was also you.

More specifically, the way you’d both found yourselves quite suddenly thrust into a life after war, a life without titans and the looming threat of death hanging over your heads like a dense fog. 

As former comrades, it only made sense once the smoke cleared to navigate this new world together. And Levi was more than happy to experience all manner of firsts at your side.

It’s through this different layer of companionship that Levi learns so many new things about you. How you like your eggs in the morning, how tired you get after having too much pasta, the way the hair at the back of your head always sticks up the next day if you go to sleep with it still wet. He learns how you organize your books on your shelves (by size) and how when you’re having a bad day and tell him to leave you alone, you don’t actually mean it.

He’s always known how to make you laugh, but after eight months of living together under the same roof, he learns how to make you moan. It’s a sound he’d like to bottle forever, the sight of your body arched beneath him a vision too precious to look away for even a second. Even with only one good eye, he soaks it in like you’re a dream that’ll fade if he blinks.

He learns that he likes kissing, and you do too. So, when you lean across the center console of his brand new car at Marley’s drive-in movie theater one summer night, he doesn’t think much of it. At least, not until your hands start wandering and he finds himself pulled into the backseat.

You give him very little time to recover from the surprise of being pulled from his seat before your lips are on his again. The leather of the upholstery groans as you straddle his narrow waist and on instinct, Levi reaches out, eyes still closed as he guides you onto his lap.

His palm splays over the skirt of your dress, hiking it up a little in his haste. When he feels the fabric, he pulls away slightly.

He gently squeezes your thigh, watching the cloth bunch a little in his grasp. The sound of your breath hitching in your throat makes him look up. “What’s got you so worked up, hm?”

Above him, forming words feels borderline impossible. Not while his thumb is drawing circles on the inside of your thigh and he’s looking up at you through those delightfully full lashes. It strikes you that this facet of your relationship is still relatively new, so the warmth on your cheeks doesn’t feel out of place when you swallow around your meekness and say, “You.”

“Me?” Levi’s brows raise, but he thinks he gets it. The moment you’d walked out of your room in this little number, his mind had gone straight to the gutter.

Like he’s revisiting the memory, his hands begin to slowly trail every part of you his eyes drift over—thumbs tracing the tantalizing curve of your breasts, down the silky material over your waist before resting his palms on your hips. When he gives you another subtle squeeze, you roll against him, feeling the hardening outline of his cock through his trousers against your core.

“Can’t help it,” you breathe out slowly, like you're making every effort to remain composed, but the strain in your voice betrays the neediness beneath. 

Your palms drift over the soft fabric of his shirt, moving over firm muscle. They’re not as defined as they once were, but you relish in his solid warmth all the same. Enamored by him, always.

He lets you explore unimpeded. You’ve always been handsy—checking him for signs of injury or illness when he inevitably pushed himself too far during expeditions. Now he’s grown used to the way that protective tendency has turned into an act of appreciation and fondness. It makes something light and airy form in his chest when you lean down again to kiss him.

“These windows aren’t tinted,” he says a moment later. The warning is half-hearted and murmured mostly against your lips, in conflict with the way his hands keep you anchored where you are.

His feeble hesitation makes you laugh.

You settle further into his lap, nearly chest to chest now. You can feel the way his breathing has grown labored against you. “No one’s looking at us, Levi.”

It is dark, at least. He has enough sense still to acknowledge that the large screen up front will be capturing most peoples’ attention, even though it’s currently in an intermission right now. There are only fifteen minutes between the double features tonight. A shame, he thinks. When it comes to you especially, he always likes to take his time.

You move your attention to the curve of his jaw, peppering hot, pillowy kisses down the expanse of his neck before suckling the sensitive flesh of his clavicle, and every thought not focused on the present stops. 

He closes his eyes, caught between the feeling of your lips on his neck and your warm cunt gliding over his cockhead. Even through several layers of clothes, pleasure rushes through him with each rut of your hips. You’re so warm and pretty that it’s dizzying.

In retaliation, a thumb swipes over your clothed clit, and Levi smirks when your movements almost completely stop. Behind you, the large screen lights up and Levi watches in the soft blue light as you lean back slightly, mouth slightly agape in a silent gasp.

“Never took you for an exhibitionist,” he says, the reflection of the movie behind you mirrored in his unclouded iris.

Before you can say anything, he hooks two fingers around your panties and pulls them to the side, sliding the digits through the arousal that’s already beginning to soak into the cotton.

“I-I’m not,” you attempt to defend, but the protest comes out weak and shaky with his movements.

“Is that right?” Levi asks, his tone mildly condescending. “Well, the fact that you’re grinding on top of me right now says otherwise.”

The pressure of his fingers on your cunt makes it difficult to think. If you were in your right mind, you might be embarrassed about the way the windows have started to fog, but you can only be grateful for the extra coverage.

The air is thick and your body feels like it’s on fire. Every brush of Levi’s fingers on your skin sends you aflame. His injured hand anchors you in place, thumb rubbing soothing circles into the flesh of your hip while his other hand continues to pick you apart, making your knees quiver.

Your voice is a strained gasp against the shell of his ear. “Like you’re not hard already just from kissing.”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

The hand on your hip lowers, and for a moment you think he’s gesturing for you to get up, but the new position allows his other hand to slide down. Two fingers quickly bottom out inside your cunt.

Your features pinch with the effort it takes to keep yourself quiet.

“There you go,” Levi coos, smug as your fingers struggle for purchase on his shoulders. “Is that what you wanted?”

His cock, his fingers, his mouth. All three. You want to tell him that you’d gladly take anything he’d give you, but all you can do is pant uselessly into his neck and try to hold on.

“Couldn’t wait until we got home, hm?” Levi continues, his fingers pumping and curling in such a way to make you see stars in your vision. “Needy thing.”

You clench around him, spurred on by his words. “Levi.”

He keeps talking, undeterred. A glow appears in his eyes as you rock into his palm, meeting his movements. “Dirty girl, fucking my fingers like this in the open.”

Pleasure coils in your belly. You grasp helplessly against his sturdy neck, cheeks burning and nails dragging over the soft fuzz of his undercut as it continues to build and build. The pressure of his thumb on your clit pulls all of your muscles taut.

When your moans become wispy and delicate gasps of air, he knows you’re right on the edge.

“Let go, sweetheart,” Levi murmurs. “You can come.”

Your orgasm hits you like a train. With a single gasp of his name, you come undone. Levi holds you through it as you shudder and spasm, his free arm now wrapped around your waist.

When you pull back, your eyes are bleary and content. Every muscle in your body seems to relax against him.

Levi pulls his hand from between your legs. “Satisfied?”

“Mmm,” is all you can manage. The aftershocks still continue to wash over you, making you feel boneless and tired.

When they subside, you give him a quick peck and slide off of his lap, climbing back into the front passenger seat.

Levi follows with a grunt. When he settles back into the driver’s seat, he buckles his seatbelt and starts the car.

You turn, confused. “What are you doing? The movie isn’t over.”

Slowly, he eases out of the parking spot toward the exit. Just before he turns onto the road, he gives you an incredulous look.

“You think I can focus on anything else after that?” From the streetlight above, you can finally see the deep shade of pink tinting his neck and face. “I’m taking you home so I can really make you scream.”

[denpa-dere]

house arrest 6

afab!mc x satan

description: NSFW. You are confined to your room for your own protection. But how long will that last when the only thing standing between you and your housemates is a door and some willpower? Satan has a hunch he may know how to fix things.

warnings: breeding kink with talk scents/scenting, pregnancy, afab reader with she/her pronouns, dubcon heavy (all actions depicted are intended to be consensual)

tags: @love-and-lore @violet-turning-violet @ourfinalisation @craftybara

|| Intro || Mammon || Asmo (mini) || Levi || Satan (mini) || Beel || Lucifer (mini) || Asmo || Belphie (mini) || Belphie || Barbatos (mini) || Satan || Diavolo (mini) ||

Satan felt his phone buzz silently in his pocket. Then again. And again. Annoyed but roused from his book, he swiped up the device to see what was causing such a fuss. After a quick scan of his incoming messages, Satan deposited his DDD back in his pocket, packed up his book bag, and headed off towards home without a word. 

You were calling for him (well, texting) in a panic, desperate for escape before Lucifer returned from the usual business that kept him late at RAD. Satan was, of course, happy to oblige. 

Truth be told, by the time he had come around to fetch you, Satan still didn't have a plan. When you answered the door to welcome him, Belphie’s scent still clung to your skin. That much he didn't mind. The lingering presence of the youngest precluded the company of the eldest, which, combined with the gossip Satan had been dutifully following, proved that Lucifer had not been able to claim you first, after all. 

Or second. 

Or third. 

And that was fucking funny. 

You collapsed against him in the hall, nerves fried, shaking, suddenly feeling in far over your head. You babbled frantically about the day's events while Satan stroked your hair, cooing soft reassurances. Don't worry, you're safe, we'll figure this out together. 

Just trust me. 

As he ushered you along towards his room, the gears in his brain ground tirelessly, turning end over end against a thickly encroaching fog. Escape was unrealistic, doubly-so now that Barbatos had been introduced as a wild card.Who knows how long you really had before the other shoe dropped?

Felis catus, commonly referred to as the domestic housecat, is a small, carnivorous, multidimensional dwelling mammal of the family Falidae. 

A male cat is colloquially referred to as a Tom, a female a Queen. 

He locked the door behind him and placed a few quick protective wards to act as a barrier. It was shoddy workmanship coming from the fourth-born, but it would have to do. Satan wracked his memories, trying to pull what he'd studied to the front of his mind before it had a chance to slip away. 

Queens go into heat approximately every 3 weeks, each cycle lasting anywhere from a few days to two weeks.

You stood towards the center of the room and shifted your weight from foot to foot as your vision adjusted to the darkness, eyes flitting between endless stacks of books and cursed objects, some floating, some stationary, all dimly illuminated by low-burning candles. 

Satan followed closely behind you, slinging his arms around your shoulders and pulling your back against his chest. Confusion was beginning to set in. 

Queens can carry kittens from multiple Toms and will mate with all Toms in her pack during a heat. 

Satan was no expert on humans, but he was pretty sure that part didn't apply to you. 

He bowed his head low next to yours. You shivered when his lips caught your earlobe. 

“I'm going to get you pregnant, okay?” He rasped, at his wit's end. 

No one said you were chosen to represent humans because of your brilliance. 

You were face down before you had a chance to respond. He could have sworn he heard something that sounded a lot like ‘please’ muffled between the sheets. The demon shifted his weight, anchoring you down further to knead your breasts with both hands. He took his time, rolling your nipples between bony fingers and savored the way your yelps faded into whines. 

It made perfect sense, in his opinion. He hooked into your shorts and pulled so hard you heard stitches pop. From your position, you couldn't tell if he had shredded them or simply blown out the elastic waistband, but the result was the same; you were bare. You heard the clinking of what you assumed to be his belt buckle. A few moments and some rustling later, your guess was confirmed by the feeling of him prodding at your slit. 

There was no time for romance, Satan thought a little sadly, spitting into one of his hands. Time was of the essence. He slathered his cock in saliva before entering you in one swift motion. Tears burned your eyes as you were stretched to accommodate him. 

Pain quickly gave way to numbness, which gave way to pleasure. Your eyes rolled back, reduced to nothing but pathetic little ‘uh, uh, uh’s  by your lover. Those hapless noises only served to further fuel his ardor. This was supposed to be a rescue mission, the ragged remains of his conscience chimed, unhelpfully. He squashed it. It was too hard to make sense of anything else beyond your sweat-soaked bodies and the rhythmic clapping of flesh on flesh.

This would work. He would make it work. 

“Take it, take it, take it,” Satan hissed between gritted teeth. His fingers knotted cruelly in your hair, pulling your head back with unintentional force. You gasped for air. His other hand laid palm flat against the small of your back, pinning you to his mattress, steadying your body against his feverish little ruts. 

Your poor, neglected clit throbbed. You wiggled an arm between yourself and the bed, sliding a finger on either side of the sensitive bud, working it in small, gentle circles as best you could. He felt you clench around him and licked a fat stripe up the side of your neck in response. The noise that escaped your throat was absolutely filthy. 

Satan tilted your hips up, angling you just enough to brush up against that sweet spot that had you wailing. Your pussy pulsed and a warm, wet dribble of slick splashed against his thighs. 

“That's it, good girl, good girl,” He groaned into your ear, hips slamming against your ass. He could feel the coil in his stomach straining, ready to bust at any second- and when it did, he bit down on your neck, hard. 

Somewhere within the House of Lamentation, a door slammed. 

[fandom-scatteredthoughtsonpaper]

Minors are allowed | If posts are marked 18+, DO NOT INTERACT

Requests are CLOSED | Will cease when asks hit 10 requests

Appreciation Posts

×Mammon Appreciation Week

Masterpost of Headcanons/Finished Fanfics

×Requests: Headcanons

-Brothers with MC with Tension from Anxiety/Stress

-MC That Progressively Fears the Brothers

-MC That's Done with Life (ft. the Brothers) ⚠️

×Headcanons

(SFW)

The Brothers and How They Work Out with MC

The Brothers' Favorite/Preferred Massage Areas

The Brothers’ Agitated/Nervous Stimming Habits

The Brothers Sleeping with MC

(NSFW)

Yandere!Mammon Sexual Kinks

Satan Sexual Kinks

×Fanfictions

[Obey Me]

Beel // Mark Me

Levi // Strip Poker but with Video Games //After-party of All-night Gaming and Cuddling // You Have to Say It (NSFW)

Mammon // Infatuated

[Obey Me Quote Series]

Mammon // My Body Obeys (NSFW) | Coercion (NSFW)

[Your Boyfriend]

Peter // Nickname

Analysis Posts

Characters:

Lucifer is a Soft Dumbass

Devilgrams:

I Hate the Angelic Event

Fanfics, OCs, and AUs that have Infested My Brain:

I'm putting a cut here. This is hella long and a pain to scroll through.

Obey Me

• MCs

Yukino

Yuzuki

• AUs

1) Dark Obey Me AU (Untitled)

Levi has bought a new fully-immersive ARG horror game that has a precautioned warning for the immersion aspect and excitedly invites MC (and Mammon) to play without really paying attention to the warning. This is around the time MC's magic is unstable.

When the trio starts up the simulated environment reality and virtual reality merges together to make the horror genre go beyond terrifying. Death is a possibility, and no one is safe.

Link to tag here!

2) Onmoraki!Mammon AU

Two different ideas with the same bare bones plot - explained here!

3) Redamancy (A Devilgram-esque AU)

Asmo, Levi, Mammon, and MC are shopping around in a cursed antique jewelry shop when the group discovers a particular necklace. The three brothers begin squabbling over it before MC snatched it away from them to end their arguing. After all four touched the necklace, a flash of light obscured their vision.

When they regained consciousness the brothers realized they weren't in the store anymore, let alone the Devildom, and MC was stuck in the center of a contraption that looked like a roulette wheel! Above MC a timer has started counting down.

Confused and trapped themselves, will they escape before time runs out?

Link here!

4) Yandere!Mammon

It's Mammon but as a yandere!

Link to tag here!

• NSFW(-ish) Fanfics

1) It's really bad how much content is solely focused around Mammon, but I had idea of Yuki just flustering and teasing and tormenting poor Mammon with random kiss attacks and out of the blue make-out sessions before bailing just as Mammon gets settled into the kissing.

Yuki's basically being a flirt and tease, blue-balling Mammon for shits and giggles.

2) PWP - Levi is too consumed with playing videos games lately, and MC is getting annoyed at the lack of attention from him. So! They take it upon themselves to get his eyes on them in a way he can't ignore~

3) Yandere!Belphie! Belphie slips a pill into MC's drink when they're not looking. When MC falls unconscious, Belphie carries them to his room. He sleeps with them while they're passed out.

• SFW Fanfics

-Flash Fics:

1) Belphie asks MC out on a starry night date, and they have a cute moment before falling asleep under blankets and twinkling lights.

-Multi-Chaptered Fics:

1) Coming to Terms with My Dead Self Dysphoria (Working Title)

I theorize that the timeline shifted into the one Yuki came from originally. Zie merged with the dead Yuki's feelings, emotions, experiences, etc. while also still having zir previous memories and experiences with the brothers, so Yuki is conflicted on how zie feels about the situation and doesn't quite understand what happened to zir timeline's residents, like did zie just become disconnected from the timeline and zie's missing, leaving behind zir Mammon and the connections zie made with the characters, or did the characters merge but lost their memories from the prior timeline, leaving Yuki as the only person with both sets of memories and alone, or did Yuki actually just replace the dead Yuki, picking up where zie left off but alive?

These questions and uncertainties makes Yuki isolate zirself, and zie has to figure this stuff out. Mammon, on the other hand, wants to talk to Yuki, because he's confused and feels lost on how to cope with this person that looks like his Yuki and talks like his Yuki, but is it? Considering he held Yuki as zie was dying and then faded away in his arms, Mammon wants to understand what happened.

There's also the issue with Belphie. He murdered Yuki. He didn't kill zir in the other timeline, so this couldn't possibly be that Belphie at all. Or did that Belphie have a hidden agenda all along and it just played out differently? Regardless, Yuki is uncomfortable to be around him, and zie's reluctant to be anywhere near him, even if someone else is around. Beel is happy to have his brother back, but he did kill Yuki so he's conflicted how to help either of them.

It's a mess of emotions and struggling.

2) Dissociation (Working Title)

Yuki is AFAB but is on the non-binary spectrum as agender. For simplicity's sake, Yuki explains herself as a femme non-binary individual to most people. The usual pronouns are she/her and zie/zir.

It starts with Mammon and Yuki fiddling around with magic spells that they're not experienced with for Spells and Curses class. During an experimental process for a spell it goes wrong, and Yuki is now with a male body instead of a female one.

This is where the elements and plot get to sensitive levels to explain. I'm genderfluid non-binary, but I feel bouts of dysphoria with my female body. Yuki relates to me in this way that zie also has conflicts and uncomfortable moments with zir body. Zie tolerates zir female body, but zie's not totally comfortable in zir own skin.

So during this time Yuki is struggling with this new male body, because Yuki has, obviously, never had male anatomy before. Zir body has been changed and altered beyond what zie knows and is comfortable with, but zie has to come to try to deal with the amplified dysphoria.

Mammon is by Yuki's side and does his best to help until the magic wears off, but it's a journey and ordeal to get through.

I wanted this to be a piece of work that reflects stuff I deal with, while also being an interesting project to involve the line magic can cross when it becomes too personal, meaning how it affects/changes you physically and how that experience is dealt with, especially when it's done out of your control/against your wishes.

-Stories That Are Oneshots but Hella Long:

1) This one plays into my headcanon kinks for Mammon. He’s a sucker for sensory touches. Lightly stroking his arms, scratching his head, massaging his shoulders, kissing his fingers, holding him close, etc. This is just a soft moment for Mammon to relax though. Nothing NSFW with this idea.

2) In one chat with Lucifer he asks MC what they think he should get for Beel from the human world (the options were chocolate bar, cotton candy, or whatever). Lucifer mentions that Beel has never had cotton candy.

MC, astounded by this fact, considering Beel eats just about everything in sight, decides to take Beel to a human world carnival to remedy the problem. Just a cute event for the two to bond

-Short Stories That I Think Are Cute and Self-indulgent:

1) Listening to Carly Rae Jepson’s I Really Like You I got scenes of Mammon and Yuki just chilling and watching TV, and Yuki realizes zir blooming affections and mentions them to Mammon on a couple occasions.

2) Another song inspired story by PUBLIC’s Splash and Doja Cat’s Say So. Go figure! Anyway, it’s a cutesy idea of Yuki trying to get Mammon out of his shell and admit to himself that he has feelings for zir, because zie sees it and Yuki has feelings for him, too. (Might not write)

Persona 3

-Flash Fics:

1) Fem!MC (Minako) is really upset and hurt when Junpei blames her for the situation the team is facing, but tries to keep herself together until she's able to leave without running away.

Despite how late it is, Minako leaves the dorms to go to the hospital to talk with a recovering Shinji about what they've learned. With no one around to see, Minako breaks down her facade and cries, feeling guilty and helpless at the revelation of everything.

2) With the news that Chidori has basically come back from the dead and the positive reaction from Junpei, Minako leaves, hopeful that Shinji has also recovered and woken up. When she gets to his hospital room, he's still unconscious, comatose, with the beeps of the heart monitor and drips from the IV bag making the only noise.

Disappointed, she deflates into a chair beside Shinji's bed and holds his hand. Minako starts talking to him about Chidori's surprise recovery and says she knows he can pull through too.

Steven Universe

• OCs

Indicolite (Indy) | Kunzite (Kite)

Aegirine | Plum Pearl | Apophyllite (Phylli) | Stilbite

Lepidolite | Axinite

Hauyne

Planet 9

• AUs

Gem Survivors

After the war ends, there's only a handful of rebel gems left on Earth, scattered and unaware of Rose Quartz's location. Lost and without guidance, the gems have to try to come to terms with their new lives on Earth.

Centuries old loss, regret, guilt. New freedom, a sense of self, new beginnings.

They all fought for different reasons, but was it worth it in the end?

Homestuck

-Multi-chaptered fic:

Humanstuck! Davekat! Mostly inspired from AJR songs

Summary needs work - very basic briefing

Dave and Karkat are both dealing with their feelings for each other, while also trying to figure themselves out. Dave with his sexuality, plans for life, and trauma with his past. Karkat with his feelings for Dave, his insecurities, and how to get past Dave's walls.

Stardew Valley

-Basically Oneshots:

-Seb x SVF

1) Seb wakes up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. Quietly getting out of bed and trying not to wake up SVF, he grabs the wrong hoodie on his way outside to get some fresh air. When Seb finally settles down, he realizes that his hoodie is a bit snug on him. He picked up the wrong one in his rush, because SVF and Seb both wear dark pullovers

He's not really bothered by it. If anything, Seb is more comforted with their hoodie on. It almost feels like a hug, and it smells like them. The cool air and the starry sky ease Sebastian further, and he eventually goes back to lay with the SVF.

2) SVF has a slow and awkward progress of befriending the emo boy lamenting at the lake's edge while trying to find a good place to fish.

3) SVF brings Seb a frozen tear/obsidian after spending hours looking for one/getting a call from Clint that one of their geodes produced one. As they go to knock on his bedroom door, they hear voices laughing, being Abigail and Seb.

A stabbing feeling of jealousy spreads and a realization happens about why that feeling keeps getting worse. SVF leaves without giving seb the stone, but leaves it by his door.

4) SVF is working on the farm in the late evening when they hear Seb's motorcycle taking off down the road and out of Stardew Valley and has thoughts about him and their feelings and being selfish about not wanting him to leave. They simmer that emotion with understanding why he wants to leave.

-Abigail x SVF (Might not write, forgot parts)

1) When Abigail goes to SVF's house to apologize for her behavior the day prior, she accidentally about hits SVF in the face as she started knocking because they opened the door to start their morning tasks.

Embarrassed, Abigail apologizes and turns to leave, but before she can SVF calls her name. She turns around, cheeks red, and SVF surprises her with a kiss. Her blush deepens and, flabbergasted, quickly leaves.

-Haley x SVF

1) Time to Get Your Manicured Hands Dirty

Haley sees SVF picking berries, so she goes to join them. After she sees how it's done, she helps. SVF is also trimming some branches to plant back on their farm. Haley offers to help plant the branches and instead of using a tool, uses her hands to dig holes.

When SVF notices, they quickly stop her and give her a spade to use. Haley takes a moment to look at her nails, and she shrugs the damage off. She takes the spade and continues spending time with and helping SVF.

[purplecandygerl]

Fear

— Levi x Reader

— angst, fluff, mention of death, cursing

— summary: Levi never let his fear get in a way of his decision yet for this moment he did

— word count: 2.8k

It’s that time of the month once again, when Squad Leaders were given a tremendous quantity of paperwork to be finish in an unfair amount of time, Levi is unexcluded to this time but even worse for his part. A list of cadets where handed to him early on.

The list consist of mostly from the 104th cadets and his eyes soften at the familiar name included on the list. (Y/n) (L/n). All your efforts and hardship within the past month has finally paid off, he knew about your unspoken goal of wanting to be part of his squad long time ago. He couldn’t be much prouder of you ever since, considering you to his squad would definitely increase his time with you, he can already see himself having you by his side.

Content with list of candidate given to him, he decided to set it aside as he move on to another paperworks, his calloused hand reaches to the papers near him. The thick cursive heading made his breath hitched

Certification of Death

It felt like a hard slap to him as memories of the recent expedition flash before him as he passed through the forest seeing nothing, but the bloody corpses of his members brutally killed by the Female titan as tried to protect Eren till the end.

Worries began to fill him, he couldn’t bear to see you in those situation, this is the only thing that matters to his life and one wrong situation can slip you out of his grasp in a matter of seconds, yet he couldn’t afford any distraction in the moment of the expedition as the lives of the soldiers lies on his own hands, reaching for the list of candidates once again before crossing your name before stacking another paper above the list.

“Levi?” the sound of his name being called out as the door of his office shut close, revealing his (h/c) haired lover “not done yet?” he shook his head, “I see” he notice the lethargic tone you release as you sat on his lap, wrapping your arms around him as you buried your face at the crook of his neck indulging on his scent. He lean onto his chair caressing the tresses of your (h/c) hair. “Did something happened?” he questioned, which you shake your head

“It’s nothing, I just want to ease your stress somehow” those words never failed to cause his heart to leap in adoration, he always thought there will be times that you would finally leave him seeing that he always lack of showing his affection to you, yet one year after \here you are showering him with affection at first, he would stiffen at the unpredicted kisses you place on his cheek during your private time until it become something that enlightens his sour mood daily.

Placing a kiss in your forehead, he wishes for you to forgive him for what he was planning to do. He could take all your anger at him if it meant to keep you alive by his side.

༺═──────────────═༻

The final members of Levi’s Squad was finally announced, the rush excitement you felt were shattered to piece as the roll out of names ended without getting your name called, the combination of anger, frustration and disappointment were enough to put you on the edge, clenching onto your fist as you tried to fight off the tears threatening to fall down your cheeks.

“Are you alright (Y/n)?” you heard your friend worriedly asked as you both head back inside the castle, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine” you immediately answered. “You should head first, I’ll catch up”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you” bidding a goodbye before heading to a certain office for explanation.

“Captain” you called out from the outside of his office, giving his permission for you to enter.

“Why?” The first word that left your lips were the conclusion of messed up emotion you were trying to endure. You knew that he knows what you were talking about, you know that he would be the person who gets to decide on the final list of the members.

“There are more suitable soldiers fitted in my squad”

“So, I’m not suitable for your squad. Is that it?” you hissed, how could he say that when he knew how much you work hard to be part of his squad

“Yes” you stared at him in disbelief as your whole body began to tremble holding yourself opening your lips only painful laughter were able to leave your dry throat, which surprised the man in front you.

“Fuck you, if that was the case you shouldn’t have gotten my hopes since the beginning, you shouldn’t have fucking care if I work myself up if that was the FUCKING CASE, WERE YOU LAUGHING JUST LIKE THEM WHEN SAW WATCH ME FUCKING STRUGGLES FOR NOTHING” you snapped out

“FUCK OFF, (Y/N) ISN’T THE ONLY REASON YOU WANTED TO JOIN WAS TOO HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO FUCKIN LAZED YOURSELF AROUND ME” He spat off, his mind was screaming at him to tell the truth already yet anything that left on his mouth is nothing truthful. He was spouting to stand for his decision. For a second, he tried to reason himself it was for you own good, it really is. Until his gaze returned back to you. He watched how tears drenched down your cheeks for the first time in his life he saw you cried. He could only stand on his feet frozen as you tried to brush off the tears blurring your vision.

“it was never about that case, I--” biting your inner lips, there’s no use for you tell him everything what’s the point of everything at this point, giving up. You only turned your back at him before shutting the door close.

As the sound of the door clicking shut was the only time he realized he fucked everything up, he wanted to follow you back yet he remained frozen on his feet, the silence on his office only left your voice echoing in his mind, every word you left a stabbing guilt and regrets on him. Was everything really necessary? For the sake of keeping you alive he had to hurt you in the process.

“were you laughing just like them” clenching his fist, how his way of showing his affection were seen in a different, only then he realized someone was thinking so lowly of your effort yet it only returned back to him knowing you think he was just like them.

A knock on his door, snaps him back to his thoughts. “What?” he didn’t bothered hiding his irritation to the soldier disturbing him “S-sir, Commander Erwin called you to his office sir”

“What do you mean my squad would be on standby? I thought we would be leading for the clearing up tomorrow?” Erwin sighed, it turns out only two squads would be leaving tomorrow to examine the behaviour of the titans before clearing up the titan near the wall.

“I see, then who’s squad would you be sending instead?” he asked, taking a sip on his tea, surprisingly glad he had a free time which he would dedicated on asking for your forgiveness.

“(L/n) William’s Squad”

༺═──────────────═༻

It was supposed to be a clear up for the remaining titans roaming across the abandoned city, only expecting atleast twenty or less titans left, yet when you encounter a horde of abnormal titans gathered in the deeper corner of the city, you knew this can be the last of something. Right now, the titan’s attention were averted from you with the quantity they had you wouldn’t be able to take them all with the lack of gas and blade, if you fire the flare gun to sign the soldiers around you, the titan’s attention would directly be place to you which would lead to the first option. Lastly, if you tried to escape you will most likely lead them to the other soldiers.

Not only your choices are limited but everything is too risky for you and the other members.

“Fuck this shit” firing your flare gun instead of pointing the gun at the sky, you fire the flare at the titans instead before releasing your hook leading back to where your squadmates are, in the center of the city you found a familiar figure the vibrant red covering him.

“William!” You shouted turning his gaze his eyes widen as you fired your hook on the concrete walls in attempt to carry him “Wait no! AT YOUR BACK” he tried to warn, before you can process his warning a giant palm slaps your body like a fly.

the impact of being thrown inside of a building breaking the window in the process, a static rings across your ears as every part of your body is throbbing in pain, opening your eyes only to feel a burning pain with a blurry eyesight reminding you much of the arguments yesterday, recalling back the words you let out that time. Maybe, maybe they were right,

“Just this last time, let me see them” you speak to yourself, trying to stand up every movement you make felt like you were being electrified in pain, stabbing your blade on the ground using it as foundation for your footing. Feeling the ground continuous shaking, losing balance, hitting the concrete floor hard, a sharp pain once again pierce through you, causing you to whimper in unbeknownst to you a sharp wood stab through your abdomen, leaving you crumbling in pain on the ground the sight of shards of glass soaked a puddle of blood. was the only thing you have seen before blacking out

I was never suitable to be here in the first place.

༺═──────────────═༻

Levi anxiously waited on his seat, no matter how much he tried to focus on the meeting between regiments he found himself drifting back to your situation, despite already reminding a soldier to immediately call him when your group arrived, yet several hours have passed and the meeting is already reaching its conclusion.

“Captain!! They’re here” A soldier barged inside the office, disregarding Erwin calling him out he wasted no time to leave the meeting,

“They’re at the Medical Bay for now.” the soldier reported,

“How are they?” he noticed the grim look on the soldier confirming his fear all at once

“one of the squad were completely leaving only one soldier in critical condition” dismissing the soldier he immediately head to the medical bay, every step he make felt heavy as if the world had collapse at his grasp. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Levi” a familiar voice called out, hanji was waiting in front of the medical bay door, “Is she?” the jumbled emotion he’s feeling couldn’t continue the question he needed answers for, luckily Hanji quickly understand his struggles

“It turns out that there were more titan than what was initially reported, their squad had to face a horde of abnormal titans as we split up. We only found her inside of a building after a flare was shot. She was thrown by a titan trying to save her brother, a large wood pierce through her abdomen at the same time she already lose too much blood, the moment we found her” Hanji saw the grim expression from Levi, as he quietly listen the events that had happen, the fear, guilt, and regrets shown directly to his metallic irises. For once, Hanji saw a vulnerable side of Levi, a man so close losing a part of him leaving him once again alone.

A few hour has passed, when the door has finally opened as a doctor step out of the room, looking around the doctor only find him alone waiting.

“Captain Levi, are you perhaps the relative for Miss (L/n) (Y/n)?”

“Yes” leading him inside the medical bay, his eyes quivered at the sight of your figure wrapped in white pristine bandage up until your neck and another to covering your eyes. your pale like skin made it you look like “the progress of the surgery were slightly complicated due to the loss of blood but overall, the surgery was a success” Levi felt a relief wash over him, hearing how his lover is still alive felt like a heavy burden were lifted from his shoulder,

“at least that’s the good news, but the condition of her eyes had receive a different outcome”

“What do you mean?”

“Not only her abdomen where severely injured but also her eyes, shards of glass were able to damage her pupil that may became a permanent blindness, overall she needs to stay bedridden in three weeks before we can discharge her” the doctor explained, Levi remained stiff on his feet, his mind tried to comprehend the information given to him, blind? You wouldn’t be able to see anything from now on? You wouldn’t be able to see him?

Sitting beside your bed, his hand grasp to your bandage covered hand, entwining his fingers to yours, the coldness of your hands gave discomfort to his, it felt like he was holding onto a lifeless body the coldness of your body felt uncanny it might be because he was used to having your warm hands to his cold calloused hand. Pressing a kiss to your knuckle seeing the pattern of your chest rising and falling, was the only thing he need for now. Your alive that’s all that matters to him.

༺═──────────────═༻

Despite how much he doesn’t want to leave by your side yet with the constant nag from Erwin, it’s the third week you’ve remained unconscious, your temperature had increases in the spam of time yet it still frustrated him seeing no sign of waking up. He wanted nothing more but to hear your voice again. Placing a kiss to your forehead as he whispers his goodbye.

That was several hours ago, the sound of someone screaming from the top of their lungs had reached from the hallway he was in, either way he continue onto his path back to medical bay reaching closer the screams become clearer.

“IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALIVE” the woman angrily yelled out, nurses already had their hands around her preventing the woman from getting closer

“MISS PLEASE STOP SHE’S STILL RECOVERING” one of the nurses begged at the woman “NO LET ME GO” she demanded wanting to remove the grasp around her, she was able to pull you out of your bed earlier leaving you on the floor. Her hand was able to reach to your hair tugging it off roughly pulling you to her.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST LISTEN TO US IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU WOULDN’T BE LEFT LIKE THAT?!”

“what do you think you’re doing?” Levi intervened slapping the woman’s wrist away sending a glare at the older woman while holding you at his arm protectively, the people The bandage on your eyes has already been removed, showing those eyes he long for were finally wide and awake.

“WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I’M HER MOTHER I KNOW WHAT’S THE BEST FOR HER”

“I don’t care, your daughter is already adult enough to know what’s best for herself. you two” he called out the two-soldier passing by.

“guide the guardian her way out of the castle” obeying the captain’s order, the two already hand their hand to the exit, waiting for the woman to follow looking back at the two of you, clicking her tongue in irritation before following the soldiers.

After your mother left, his attention immediately turned to you carrying you at his arms placing you back to your bed, no words were exchanged during that time. Hugging your knees, leaning your head at the top. He wanted to say something, anything yet he couldn’t bring himself to left words out afraid he might hurt you once again.

“Let’s end this here, Levi”

Levi’s eyes widened.

“What do you mean?” He mumbled, afraid his voice might cracked any moment.

“There’s no point on continuing this”

“How?” your hand clutches on the white blanket covering your lower half, holding back the tears from building on your cloudy eyes.

“CANT YOU SEE?! I LOST MY EYESIGHT I’M ALREADY USELESS AT THIS POINT” snapping at him, the frustration you’ve been feeling since the moment you woke up and being informed by your condition finally took its last trigger and burst.

“I’m sorry” feeling his warm calloused hand at yours “I thought removing you from the list would keep you safer than the circumstance we had. I’m scared (y/n), I cannot bear to see you the same position that my old squad had that time, you’re an amazing soldier. I never mean what I said before”

“It doesn’t matter now, I can’t be a soldier anymore” removing his grasp from you

“Please just leave”

[wardenannie]

Hurt Levi pls

I normally don't take tumblr prompts, but for you, anon whose identity is a total mystery to me, I will accept

NSFW under the cut. Also warning for some torture that happens about midway through. Nothing too graphic tho.

-

Kenny captured him as they dueled in the streets of the capital. Levi didn't see the net coming until it was too late. His eyes were locked on the gunslinger, body moving like water as he spun past bullet after bullet, slate eyes trained on Kenny's exposed jugular.

When the net struck him it took his balance with it, and he tumbled two stories to the ground, confused in a pile of weights and rope. He landed with a sickening crunch, the right side of his body slamming brutally into the paving stones.

Levi was stunned, body wracked with agony as his broken bones screamed in complaint.

He could hear his squad calling out for him; "Heichou!" But he could not make out their faces as his vision blurred and dark shadows began to loom over him.

One of those shadows- the tallest, the most menacing- laughed, and then spat in his face. Kenny.

"Gotcha, runt," Levi could hear the sneer in his voice, words dripping with the venom of sordid joy. He struggled, breath coming ragged as panic began to set in.

"Knock him out," Kenny ordered.

A sharp pain radiated up the side of Levi's skull, then everything went black.

He awoke in a dark cell, suspended by iron manacles that dug harshly into his wrists. His shirt was gone, body coated in a fine sheen of cold sweat that shimmered in the dim light of a single, paltry torch.

Levi's head throbbed painfully. The right side of his body was mottled with blue-black bruises. It hurt to breathe, to blink, to think.

But Levi was a survivor, so he pushed through the pain, recalling everything that had brought him to this point. He remembered battling on the streets of the capital. He remembered Kenny shouting his name boisterously. He remembered Nifa's brains being splattered across the rooftops, and he remembered falling, and falling, and falling.

"Shit," he cursed, and he pulled at his restraints. The movement only served to dig the metal more painfully into his flesh, fresh blood running hot down his forearms.

Levi drew in a ragged, fortifying breath, then shouted with all of his remaining might, "Kenny!"

The low tenor of his voice echoed through the subterranean dungeon. A peppering of dust fell from the rafters, disturbed by the sudden noise.

Panting, chest heaving as he bit through another full body wave of pain, he shouted again, louder, with more power and rage behind the name; "KENNY!"

His muscles went limp, body hanging weakly from his shackles, toes dragging on the filthy floor. Everything hurt. It hurt so much. Every fiber of his being seemed to be crying out in red hot pain. His head throbbed, eyes pulsing in his skull. There was a constant pressure in his chest, digging into his lung, a broken rib, more like than not.

Levi huffed a broken sound, hanging his head. He was useless like this, strung up like a fresh kill. He shut his eyes, waiting helplessly for his fate to arrive.

Hange would come for him. He knew she would.

He recalled their parting moment, the people she had loaned him, the people he had gotten killed. He remembered the trust she had placed upon him, that had swirled behind those wine-colored eyes, and somehow he felt even more broken.

"Hange..." He sighed her name, lids fluttering.

He'd been so caught up in his memories that he hadn't heard the telling sound of footsteps on the bricks. Two grizzled, calloused hands gripped the bars mockingly.

Kenny grinned at him from the darkness of the corridor, freshly shaven. Face porous and lined and aged.

"Hey there, runt," he goaded, fingers drumming softly on the bars. Two more people appeared beside him, men, their faces obscured behind black torturer's hoods. Their black eyes flashed menacingly in the torchlight.

"We have a few questions for ya," Kenny produced a key from around his neck and slipped it into the lock. The heavy, barred door opened with a metallic shriek and a muffled kerthunk. He slipped into the cell, body long, thin and skeletal. Behind him the two torturers followed.

Now that they stood in the light Levi could see that they wore the instruments of his torture across their bodies like bandoliers. The knives and scalpels and scrapers all gleamed orange by the light of the torch.

Levi swallowed thickly, giving another weak pull at his shackles.

"Now," Kenny's smile never waned. He laced his fingers behind his back, standing up straight and proud. "Are ya gonna cooperate? Or will we have to do this the hard way."

Levi's lips curled into a snarl. They wanted Hange's location, the location of his squad.

They could rot in hell.

He demonstrated as much by spitting onto the floor in front of Kenny's boot.

"Fuck off."

Kenny puffed his cheeks amusedly, and took a small step backward to make way for the torturers.

"These fellows are good at what they do," Kenny explained softly as they began to pluck their implements from their chests. "They were loaned to me by the king himself."

Levi bared his teeth, refusing to give Kenny anything more than his ire.

Kenny cracked his knuckles, smile shifting to lopsided and entertained, "Alright then, let's begin."

Levi stayed strong. Through it all, he endured. He kept his lips sealed, biting on them until they bled like his exposed nailbeds, like the parallel lines they drew across his belly with their razor sharp knives. He endured when they began breaking nailess toes, and he endured when they moved on to his fingers, peeling the skin back to the first knuckle.

His blood painted the floor in crimson-black drips. His grunts of agony echoed through the dungeon halls in a torturous symphony.

"Where is Hange Zoe?" Kenny asked, obviously beginning to grow exasperated.

Levi showed his teeth, red with blood, red dripping from his nose, "Never." He choked, tasting rust in his mouth. He would die before he gave Hange up. It was her face that lingered in the back of his mind, that bolstered his resolve against their blunted rods as they beat his already broken ribs.

He remembered her smile. Her laughter. They way she smirked when she teased him over his height and cleanliness. He remembered her touch, the fire she awoke inside of him, in his skin.

He remembered Hange. His Hange. And he endured.

Eventually they left him alone. Making sure to snuff out the torch as they went, Levi dangled weakly in the dark. The only sounds were that of his own breathing and his blood dripping steadily onto the floor.

His vision began to fade, sounds growing distant, as though he were submerged beneath dark waves of white hot water. He struggled to breathe, to keep his eyes open. 

Ultimately his struggle was in vain. He fell into viscous, black unconsciousness. 

-

Hange Zoe had never before known fear like this; this terrible, gripping thing that settled in her chest and constricted around her lungs like a parasitic snake. It radiated outward from her center, down her limbs and into her fingertips, numbing them as she gripped the triggers of her ODM gear. 

He had to be alive. He had to be. 

How would she survive if Levi were gone. What would she do? She couldn’t imagine it, that agony which she was barely holding at bay. Were the worst to come to fruition it would surely consume her. 

They busted through the doors of the anti-personnel squad compound. Shattering through them with a battering ram, shards of broken wood raining down on the occupants of the adjacent room; splintering and slicing them. 

Hange grabbed the first man she saw by his collar, hoisting him into the air as her muscles burned. She pressed the edge of her blade to his throat, flashing her teeth, vision blurring red with complete and utter rage. 

“Where is he?!”

Moblit and Levi squad apprehended the others in the room. Binding their hands and feet. Hange simply wanted them dead.

The man dangled in the air, grasping weakly at Hange’s wrist where she held him aloft, “I- I um...” 

“Spit it out or you won’t have a tongue to speak with!” Hange demanded, pressing her blade more insistently to his throat. 

“D-downstairs,” he pointed towards a door with a shaking finger. 

Hange grunted and threw him roughly down onto the floor, leaving him to the rest of the squad. She rushed for the doors, prying a torch off of the wall as she descended into the dark depths of the dungeon. 

Let him be alive, she chanted to herself. Please, whatever gods there may be, let him be alive. 

Kenny was nowhere to be found. The fighting upstairs cleared quickly and soon all of Levi squad was trailing the Section Commander through the dark labyrinth. 

It only took another few moments for them to discover him hanging by his wrists in the dark. He was filthy, covered in blood, sweat, and bruises. His eyes were closed, chest barely rising with stilted breath. 

“Levi!” Hange rasped, gripping the bars. “What did they do to him?” 

She ground her teeth to the point of pain, leaning all of her weight into the bars like she could bend them through sheer force of will alone. The sight of his blood pooling on the floor made her stomach twist, her heart ache. Her mouth was dry and a salient mixture of horror and utter rage pooled in her center. 

Armin was already working on the lock. But it wasn’t fast enough. 

Hange shoved him out of the way and slammed one of her blades down into the rusty lock mechanism over and over. It creaked, shuddered, and then cracked in two under the force of her assault. 

Leaving the rest of the squad in the dust, Hange rushed to Levi’s side, wrapping her arms tenderly around his waist and lifting him so his wrists were no longer being cut by the shackles. 

“Hange,” he choked her name weakly, then spit blood onto the yellow of her shirt. His slate eyes were hooded and distant, dissociative from the pain. 

Armin and Mikasa were working on his restraints. 

“I’m here,” Hange breathed, careful only to touch him where she had to. “I’m here.” 

She wanted to scream at the sight of him. His body was a warzone; brutalized, left sallow and broken. His skin was clammy, breath tinged with the scent of blood. 

“Levi...” she exhaled shakily, and finally the manacles came lose and Levi crumpled into her arms. He buried his face against her neck, and she heard him inhale sharply, painfully. 

Hange bit her lip, cupping the back of his head, stroking his greasy hair gingerly. 

Moblit cupped her shoulder gently, his eyes wide with concern, “Section Commander, we need to go.” 

Hange nodded, lifting Levi protectively into her arms. She wouldn’t let anyone help her. She couldn’t bear the thought of anyone touching him but her. She guarded him carefully all the way back to their hideout, keeping his head nestled safely in her lap as their cart wheeled bumpily along the city streets. 

-

Hange treated his wounds as best she could. She wrapped his tortured fingers and stitched the wounds in his abdomen. She tied his broken toes to unbroken ones and gave him water each hour on the hour. As for his bruises? She could only hope that they were not set too deeply into his muscles and organs. She could only caress delicate fingers over his cheek and pray to whatever merciful gods might exist that he would come out of this trial relatively unscathed. 

Though he would always bare the scars. Reminders of her own failure to protect him; the man she...

She utterly refused to leave his side, not even to report to Erwin. She sent Moblit in her stead. 

And how could she leave him? Her Levi? Her partner in crime? How could she possibly rationalize leaving his side when he was so close to death, when she had nearly lost him. 

She cried softly at night, sat up against a stark brick wall, just feet away from the Captain. She cried because she realized for the first time that she really, truly loved this man. She loved him with each individual fiber of her imperfect being. She loved him, and she had nearly lost him. 

Levi had nearly died. 

“I feel so helpless,” she whispered, blinking back her tears. “Levi, I’m so sorry. If I had just gotten there sooner you might not-

“Shut it, four-eyes,” Levi groused painfully, blinking to wakefulness. His voice was groggy, eyes blurry, but he still managed to reach out and touch Hange. He laid his bandaged had over her own. 

“You’re awake,” Hange exhaled in relief, and she leaned over him slightly, scooting nearer. She could feel the reassuring heat of his body, watch the steady rise and fall of his chest. 

“Did you...” Levi let out a painful wheeze when he tried to rise onto his elbows. Hange gently coaxed him back into the sheets. “Did you treat me?” 

Hange nodded, sniffing, “I did. We’re still in hiding so we couldn’t call on any actual doctors.” 

Levi swallowed thickly, wounded fingers curling gingerly around her own, “Is Kenny dead?” 

“No, he wasn’t there when we raided the compound.” 

“Shit.” 

“Levi...” Hange leaned closer, looming over him. Her eyes flashed with genuine concern. Her throat suddenly felt too tight, too hot. 

Levi went very still, and for a long moment they simply stared, gazing into one another’s eyes. There was a spark of recognition in Levi’s grey as he reconciled the emotion swirling in Hange’s russet irises. 

“Hange...” 

She kissed him, leaning carefully over his body and sealing their lips in a wet, tearful kiss. Her tongue traced along his lower lip, and he granted her entrance with a soft moan, mimicking her action in turn. Hange cupped his cheek, thumb brushing along his chin. 

When they parted a soft sob wracked through Hange’s body, breath tickling along Levi’s parted lips, tears peppering his cheeks. 

“I almost lost you,” Hange choked. 

Slowly, Levi raised his good arm and cupped the back of her neck, pulling her in for another; slower, more reverent kiss. 

Hange shifted her position over Levi’s body as their tongues and lips worked in tandem. She straddled his left thigh, her own thigh pressing very near to the crux of his legs where he was obviously hard, wearing only a thin pair of sleep pants that Hange had scrounged for him. 

“You almost died,” she said when they parted again. Then she peppered his face with kisses from his forehead to his chin. “I almost lost you, Levi.” 

“We’re soldiers,” Levi spoke, but there was no conviction behind his words. “Soldiers die.” 

Hange shook her head, more tears welling. She bit her lip painfully, and when she opened her mouth to speak only a pained noise managed to eek past her lips. 

“I knew that you would come for me,” Levi admitted after a moment of uncomfortable silence. “I knew you’d be the one.” 

Hange nodded fiercely, then kissed him again. Her fingertips teased along the waistband of his pants, and he hummed in silent consent. Hange needed this, they needed this. This kairotic moment to which they had been building for years. This physical expression of their shared need, desires, and- though they did not give it voice- their love. All of it precipitating from such exquisite pain as nearly losing one another. 

When she sank down onto him is was with a soft sigh. He filled her up, made her feel whole in a way she had never known she was missing. She was careful of his broken body, setting a slow, even pace that drove the both of them mad. 

“Hange,” Levi whispered her name. His bandaged hands lifted to hold her hips as she rode him. 

“I love you,” she admitted, ducking her face to hide behind her hair. “I love you and I almost lost you, Levi.”

Tears continued to pepper his face and chest as they made love, Hange gliding gracefully back and forth on him. He even managed to cant his hips slightly to meet her, drawing a quiet moan past her lips. 

They reached climax quickly, peaking together in a moment which Hange could only describe as one of pure light. 

Afterwards she tucked herself into his good side, head resting on his shoulder, cum dripping between her thighs. 

“I love you, short stuff. I love you so much it hurts. And to see you so broken, in so much pain... I can’t.” The tears were flowing again, dampening the sheets. 

“Easy,” he touched her hair. “I’m alive, four-eyes. You saved me.” 

“Not before-

“Hey, enough of that shit,” Levi demanded, though his voice was soft. He inclined his head to kiss Hange’s hair. “I’m alive four eyes. I’m alive because you came for me.”

Hange blinked away her tears and nuzzled into Levi’s neck. Muffled against his skin she breathed, “I love you.” 

Levi closed his eyes. Body still aching, in tatters, but with Hange by his side he felt as though everything might turn out okay. 

He loved her, too.

[ourmondobongo]

Hello! I've already asked this from another blog, but I like to read your opinion too. Please take your time with the response. I noticed you're quite busy. Anyways, I have two questions if you don't mind: 1) Do you think when Levi's lines "Both...we're doing both..." is a callback to what Hange said in the Uprising arc, as if he wants to remind the squad of what Hange sacrificed their life for? Or it is referring to all his comrades? What's more, I noticed from the final chapters whenever Levi remembers Hanji the memory is always accompanied by Erwin too (chap 136). Meanwhile Levi talked to Erwin and remembered him looking at him in a couple panels in the same chapter. Idk why but as a levihan it kinda makes me feel uncomfortable he never mentioned Hanji, nor her sacrifice. This probably originates from my insecurities which is why I would be glad to read your thoughts.

Hi!!!

Hmm, nenithil's answer to this is very much what I would say too. So I'll resume my pov:

1. To us, the readers, it's a call back to chapter 52 and Hanji imo. Reviving old cycles through new/similar circumstances is what Yams did from chapter 91 until the very last page of the manga.

To them, in the battle, it was only the very logical curse of action the Alliance had to follow. Nothing more.

2. Pretty much the same as nenithil. But also, I'm sorry if it will sound a bit cold, but Snk isn't a shoujo manga. Like, everything is drawn for a reason that will primarily be necessary to push the plot forward.

So, considering what Levi was going through when remembering Erwin alone, it's clear Levi is trying to fulfill his duties and bloody promises; when he remembers Hanji in 136, Levi is a physically and emotionally broken man holding onto the last straw to find the strength to keeping fighting despite the overwhelming sense of nihilism and despair around him. And the fact Hanji looks so lively and hopeful while being the focus of every eye of the people Levi also cared about the most in his memory is such a light in the dark (literally and metaphorically) that I'm sure that Yams intentionally did that to emphasize the most beautiful aspirations of the SC; and this is what Levi needed to remember in that moment - that those hearts would have never been sacrificed to destroy others; and from the pain of losing until the last one as well as in honor to all they lived for, he couldn’t give in nor give up yet.

3. I don't know from where this idea that Levi never mentioned nor her sacrifice comes from though. Right in chapter 133, Levi from the start is visible hurting because of Hanji's death...

...and the way Yams "shifts" the angle to hide Levi's good eye when mentioning Hanji's name hypothesis + him asking for HELP support of everyone when just in chapter 132 he was like "two fingers is good enough; it's fine" is yet another display of Levi's broken state after Hanji's sacrifice.

Then, we had his memories in 136. And his vision with Hanji at the front and center in 139.

And finally, the last appearance of Levi in the manga is him sharing a knowing look with Onyan after a plane flies right above him. I don't care what other readers say about this - it's impossible not to link the plane with Hanji here. The only one who could say anything different would be Yams. And until he himself comes forth and says "No, Onyan was looking at Levi just because he is pretty. And, yeah, the plane makes Levi think about everyone despite that only Hanji knew and sacrificed herself for this technology", I will stick to what he drew right there.

Lastly, a friendly advice: to stress over ship legitimacy without VERY NEON SIGNS in any fandom is a bottomless hell. But in SNK, it's also a Tartarus. Do not cage yourself willingly on it!

I've been there, and the environment is so toxic I started to feel repelled by characters I used to like, and even distanced from LH ship itself ( and I DO love them) for awhile.

And in the end 1. Aot ship fandom is a waking nightmare; 2. Yams is TOO freaking subtle with many stuff 🙄; 3. Ship wars are a childish thing to lose your time engaging in. But above all - these are drawings in pieces of paper.

They mean a lot to us, but they don't exist outside our imagination. They aren't loving or living or having seggs or whatever it is that lives rent free in our heads. So don't let your mental and emotional health be dictated so deeply by unreal stuff. And if anything, stay away from AOT Twitter (including the LH fandom there), block tags here, and don't give a flying f*** to whatever other people say (including me lol). The love and interpretation you yourself have over the characters is what really matters - and it can only be destroyed by how YOU decide to see it.

[mello-jello]

Drabble Challenge Day 5

Prompt: Scar Worship. 459 words.

They laid in bed on their sides, face to face. Levi was propped up on one elbow, absentmindedly running his fingers through Hange’s hair. Hange’s eyes wandered down Levi’s torso. In the blue hue of the moonlight, his scars were catching the light in a way they had never noticed before. They had also never noticed just how many scars he had. Their brow furrowed with the implication of how many times Levi got hurt.

“What is it?” He asked, his voice low and soft.

Hange said nothing as their eyes surveyed the rest of him. They squinted with the effort it took. They changed tactics and used their hands to feel instead of trying to see without their glasses. They discovered a small crescent moon shape on his shoulder, a round divot on his forearm, and a nasty feeling welt just above his hip.

Hange gasped and turned to the night stand, grabbing their spectacles. They had to see it to believe it.

They placed a hand on his pec, and trailed their fingers over a scar that stretched across from his collarbone all the way to the small dip in the center of his chest. They could feel his steady but rapid heartbeat.

Levi placed his hand over Hange’s and asked again, “what?”

They were confused by their own reaction. Every soldier has been marked in some form- Hange included- so why was Levi different? They had seen Levi in action before. He was a skilled soldier.

Hange’s lower lip began to quiver. They had just realized the significant difference.

“These scars didn’t come from titans,” Hange finally stated. It wasn’t a question, but Levi still answered, “no.”

And the more that Hange thought about, the more they filled with despair. They imagined a slew of confrontations that resulted in Levi losing blood, and worse of all was the thought that most of them were likely inflicted on Levi as a child. He was already a small adult, and so picturing an even smaller version of Levi being hurt was heartbreaking.

Hange’s vision became blurry again, despite their glasses. The tears finally spilled over. Levi pulled Hange’s face by the chin, forcing them to look him in the eyes.

“Levi, I’m so sorry,” they choked out.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Still, Hange somehow felt guilty. They kissed the scar on his shoulder. And the one under his chin. And the one on his forearm.

Hange made it their mission to replace every scar, every instance of hurt, with a kiss.

Levi laid back, in awe of the sensation. Hange showed him a love he was not used to. Every place his skin had been broken and marked, Hange replaced the memory with their delicate touch.

[free-pancakes]

another marvel AU drabble with levihan as nat and clint— loosely based on them reuniting in endgame

tldr; levi trying to bring a rogue hange home 😭

Swords.

Scraping of metal raged every time she pulled the blades from its covers, a screeching, really. The sheen of the its edges flashed quickly before the squelching of yet another merciless stab and a blur of red.

It wasn’t her bow and arrow, and the thought of that felt almost foreign to her now. The feel of it in her hand would bring back too many fond memories that she no longer felt strong enough to revisit again. She lost herself and she decided that this would be her life now, ending the lives of those who didn’t deserve to survive the snap.

Hange pulled her hood over her face and set out once again, another target decided. She dashed into the rain under the cover of night, the sound of her footsteps hidden amongst the raindrops. Sneaking into the abandoned warehouse, she took note—2 guards up ahead, 3 in the back.

“Hello Four-Eyes,” said a cool voice.

The sound of a nickname she tried to carve out of her memory for years pierced her heart like an arrow.

“L—“ Hange stuttered, but shook her head. She wouldn’t say the name—she wouldn’t be able to bear his disappointment in her.

In her daze at the sudden blast from the past, she stumbled and felt a searing pain, as metal grazed against her cheek, an arrow now stuck in the ground before her.

She gasped and took cover, flashes of light in her vision clouding her way as anxiety gripped her entire being.

Out from the darkness, a blonde man with glasses appeared with a bow in his hands.

“Oh, Four-Eyes! I got something here that belongs to you!” Zeke called out.

Hange grit her teeth, trying to keep it together. He was messing with her head in all the ways he knew how. But with a deep breath, she centered herself. She remembered who she was avenging, their faces in her mind—Moblit, Erwin, Nanaba, Mike... gone to dust right before her eyes. Anger bubbled up inside, rage blinding her. Before she knew it, a pile of bodies lay on the floor, Zeke’s glasses crushed alongside them.

Hange put her blades back, and walked out back into the night, the rain now falling in a steady downpour. She walked for a short time when she suddenly heard footsteps behind her—footsteps that sounded oddly familiar, ones that she had ingrained so deeply into her memory that she didn’t even realize it. Feeling numb, unsure if it was from her past coming back to haunt her tonight, or from the ice cold rain, she stopped, frozen in her tracks.

“This isn’t you.”

Hange paused, her back towards the voice.

“And what of it?” she said coldly.

Levi stepped forward. He held back tears hearing her voice again, but didn’t expect for her to sound so cold. He never thought that was possible.

Levi thought of all the tracking he had done over the past 5 years— 5 whole years of tracking Hange losing herself, leads that took him to nowhere, sightings that he was always toolate to follow through on. And he finally found her with Armin and Jean’s help. But what did he expect? For her to be exactly who she was before?

He balled his hands into fists.

He was sure the Hange he knew was still there. He could feel it.

“Killing people isn’t gonna bring them back, Four-Eyes,” he said so quietly, a tiny whisper in the wind.

“But we might have found something that will...that can bring them back.”

Hange paused and slowly lowered her hood, finally turning to face the man she had been too ashamed to see ever again. Her eyes were glassy, her glasses began to fog, her teeth grit, tears and rain blending into one falling over the healing scars on her face. It was as though he could see 5 years of pain etched into the creases on her forehead, and he felt overwhelmed seeing how his presence brought her back to face it all over again.

Levi couldn’t take it. He stepped forward, puddles splashing underneath him.

He took the bow and arrows Zeke had stolen from the warehouse and pushed it towards Hange. Both Levi and Hange’s hands were trembling—either from the cold or the disbelief that they were finally in each other’s presence again after much too long.

He closed her fingers around her old weapon.

“This is who you are, Hange,” he said under his breath. He grabbed the back of her head, his fingers tangled in her hair, and pushed her head towards his own, their foreheads resting on each other—and in that moment the two of them felt complete...whole again.

“Please come home,” Levi whispered as the two stood together in the rain, Hange’s relieved sobs echoing loudly as Levi held her tighter.

[vagabondreamer]

After the Fall (5)

Pairing: Lucifer x Angel! Fem! MC

Word Count: 2.3k

Series Summary: Angel! Fem! MC is part of an exchange program that sends her to the Devildom for a year.

Chapter Summary: MC finds out what Lucifer's been hiding.

CW: panic attacks, attempted murder, PTSD

Author’s Note: Sorry it's been a hot minute; school has been keeping me busy.

***

Your fingers felt like they were going to fall off and your eyes burned from not blinking. The room was so dark you weren’t sure how long you had been in here. The bright screen was your only source of light, and it was no wonder Levi was so pale. You looked over at him, he was hunched over his controller, his eyes glued to the tv.

“MC are you not even trying?” He exclaimed, a tint of anger in his voice. You looked back at the screen, a giant ‘K.O.’ flashing before your eyes.

“They don’t have these games back home.” This felt like your hundredth loss against him. “You’re just way too good.”

He blushed at the small compliment - not used to the praise. You looked at your DDD to see the time, it was already 3 in the morning.

“Geez! I need to get to bed.”

“Already?” He pouted, not wanting you to go to your room yet.

“Let’s do this again.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, but the small smile on his face was enough to show he wasn’t mad.

You said goodnight to him and his fish - you learned the name was Henry based off of his favorite fantasy novel - and walked out the door into the hallway. It was pitch black, you couldn’t see a thing. Standing still, you tried to let your eyes adjust to the darkness. Barely, you could see the railing of the stairs, and some decorative paintings on the wall. You started walking towards your room when you heard a small voice coming from far behind you. Didn’t Satan say this house was haunted? Surely, you thought he was just trying to scare you. Again, you started walking towards your room - hoping to not run into whatever was making that noise.

“I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream.”

The voice was stronger, more distinct sounding. You recognized that it was the same lullaby from a week ago. You recalled that there was a set of hidden stairs, that Lucifer forbade you from going up. Debating whether or not you should risk it, you turned around and headed down the hall. The darkness didn’t help, you couldn’t remember how to get to those stairs - last time, you had found it by chance.

“And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem.”

There it was again! You followed the sound, trusting your ears rather than your sight. It was strange how clear the voice was, considering that you had to walk through several doors and halls to get to the base of the stairs.

“But if I know you, I know what you’ll do.”

If Lucifer ever found out - no - he would never find out. And if he did? So, what. You were tired of obeying him - who was he to you? A nobody. Slowly, you ascended up the spiral staircase. The voice was masculine, yet soft, almost sleepy sounding.

“You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.”

Reaching the top of the stairs, you see a door that is barred up. Peering in, you see a man laying down, lazily humming the rest of the tune. His head turns, feeling your presence.

“Hmph. They went along with the exchange program, I see.”

His aura was strong - purple and luminous - he was a powerful demon. He must’ve read yours as well.

“Who are you?”

“Belphegor. Who are you?”

“MC. What are you doing here?”

“Lucifer locked me up.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing - you absolutely knew Lucifer was mean, but to lock up his own family? That was beyond evil. “You have to help me out of here.”

You took a step back from the bars, taking a moment to think about the situation you landed yourself in. It was no wonder Lucifer didn’t want you up here, but was it justified? From what you had gathered, he was mean but not without reason, right? He insulted you, but only because you were acting like a brat. He was also the same man that saved you, and he was highly respected by Michael - even as a demon.

“Why did he lock you up?”

“I didn’t agree with the exchange program.”

Was that really the only reason? Something as simple as disagreeing could end up in imprisonment? Belphie must’ve seen the look on your face - a war raging inside your mind.

“He’s horrible, you know?” You looked up at him. “He locked up his own brother, and he dismissed Lilith’s death like it meant nothing!”

“Lilith.” You repeated to yourself. You were told she was the start of the Great Celestial War.

“Now that I think about it, I don’t remember you at all.” He eyed you carefully.

“I wasn’t created until after the war. I’m Lucifer’s replacement, basically.”

This statement caught his interest.

“So, you’re powerful; I think you can get through this magic.”

Touching the bars, you felt a powerful magic radiating off of the metal. Lucifer must’ve put a spell on the door, to ensure he’d never escape. He was right, you were a powerful angel, this shouldn’t be an issue, but you were still hesitant.

“What are you going to do once you’re out?”

“I just want to talk to him.” If that was really all he wanted to do then you were ready to let him out.

You closed your eyes, and took a deep breath in, hands still gripping the metal. It had been weeks since you last transformed into an angel, ever since your failure you had been hesitant to even try. Slowly, your white wings sprouted from your back and your magic flowed through your fingertips. The bars began to glow, and gradually disintegrated from existence. A smile spread across his face, and he stepped out for the first time in who knows how long. You transformed back to your normal state.

“Thank you.” He opened his arms, you gladly accepted his hug. You had begun to appreciate how touchy-feely most of the brothers were. His grip, however, was a bit too hard for your liking. You stopped hugging him back, this time placing your hands against his waist trying to push off - but his grip was relentless.

“What are you doing?” It was getting harder to breathe; your ribs felt like they were being crushed.

“I’m doing the world a favor, Lucifer’s replacement.”

He hadn’t bothered addressing you by your name - it suddenly clicked in your head. Lucifer was part of the blame for his sister’s death, and to him you were just another Lucifer in the making. You pushed him and tried to transform but you had exhausted yourself trying to break him out. The trauma from weeks ago was just beginning to heal, and now you were reliving it. You could hardly breathe, but now it was becoming even more erratic - you were having a panic attack.

“Please -” The words were barely coming out. “Lucifer.”

The room was spinning, and darkness crept in.

***

When you woke up, you were in an unfamiliar room. The bed was spacious, a huge chandelier hung down in the center, and soft music could be heard. You take a deep breath in - you notice the smell - notes of sandalwood wafting in the air. Trying to sit up, a sharp pain erupts in your ribs. Glancing down, your torso is wrapped up - unexpectedly, the memories flash in your mind. You released Belphie, and he tried to kill you. How the hell did you make it?

“MC, you’re awake.” Lucifer walked in, holding a tray of food. “How are you feeling?”

His face held a concerned look, but he was hard to read. There’s no doubt he was upset, he told you not to go up the stairs and yet you disobeyed orders.

“Where’s Belphie?” Lucifer sighed, and put the tray down on the nightstand.

“Why’d you let him go?”

“Did you hurt him?”

The both of you were getting nowhere. Too many unanswered questions and so much distress, you couldn’t take it anymore. You moved to get out of bed, Lucifer tried to help but you slapped his hand away. Standing, you looked him straight in the eyes.

“What is going on here?” Lucifer stood his ground.

“You’re prying. This isn’t any of your business.”

“I almost died. I think it is my business.”

“You didn’t die twice because of me. A thank you would be nice.”

You couldn’t believe him.

“I didn’t ask you to save me.” That was a lie, and he knew it. Your eyes watered up. “I’m capable. You might not see it, Michael might not see it, but I know I am!”

You walked to the door before the tears could spill down your cheeks. You were tired of feeling weak in front of him.

“MC.” You stopped without turning around, waiting for him to continue. “I think you’re plenty capable, but I don’t regret helping you.”

Wiping the tears away, you turned to look at him. He was seated on his bed, elbows rested on his legs, looking down pensively. You walked to him, standing directly in front of his form. The sleeves on his dress shirt were rolled up, and the top buttons were undone revealing his collarbone. The locks of his hair were messy, like he had been consistently running his hands through it. Subconsciously, you raised your hand and began to smooth out his hair, putting each strand back in its rightful place. He looked up at you, curiously. His eyes were sunken, the darkness underneath visible to you from your proximity.

“I’m sorry," you whispered.

Ever since your arrival, you had become another burden to Lucifer. Before coming to the Devildom, you had a preconceived notion that he was the reincarnation of all things evil, but it didn’t take long to realize how complex the man in front of you really was. Your internal battle with yourself didn’t help, and you were taking it out on him. And now, with Belphie’s appearance, there’s no doubt in your mind that Lucifer would never forgive you.

“I just wish you’d understand I have your best interest at heart.”

“I guess it takes a near death experience to see that,” you joked. “Thanks. For both times.”

You fixed the last strand out of place, framing it against his temple. Your fingers lingered, tracing down to where his jaw curves. It was as if an electric current ran from him to you.

“You’re welcome. Both times.” He went to grab your hand, but you removed it yourself.

“Does everyone know what happened?”

“Yes. You’ve been out for a few days, and everything’s been taken care of.”

“Everything?”

“School, home, here. Everything.” He got up from his position, leaving you little time to take a step back, his chest is nearly touching yours. “I’m not letting you get hurt again.”

He placed his hand on your shoulder, and in that moment you felt so small. You vowed right there and then to be less of a burden to Lucifer. You had already caused so much damage, now you were going to make things right.

“Michael wants to speak to you.”

“What? You’ve spoken with Michael?” Oh, crap.

“No, Simeon has. Michael requested you take a brief trip back home after you wake up.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll open a portal, if you’re ready?”

“You can open a portal?”

“Yes, can’t you?”

“No…” Guess Michael decided you weren’t good enough for that ability. “I’m ready.”

Lucifer performed his spell, which allowed a little portal to open up. You thanked Lucifer once again, and stepped in; a bright, white light blinded you. The portal had transported you to right in front of Michael’s office. You gave two knocks before being called in.

“MC. Who knew it only took sending you to the Devildom for you to finally learn how to knock.” You laughed dryly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I -”

“What happened?”

“Well -”

“Don’t answer. I already know.” Ah, so you were here to be reprimanded. “Why are you causing so much trouble? Did I not tell you that you represent the Celestial Realm?”

“Yes sir, but -”

“I don’t want to hear any excuses. It’s embarrassing that I even have to do this.” You bite your lip, too afraid to make him angrier. “You’re going to go down there and apologize to Lord Diavolo and Lucifer. And you’re going to stop causing trouble, do I make myself clear?”

You opted to nod your head, not trusting your own voice. As quick as you had gotten there, you were sent away just as quickly. The portal reopened back in Lucifer’s room, he was standing there waiting for your arrival. You wanted nothing more than to be alone.

“What did he say?”

“He said I need to apologize to you and Lord Diavolo, but can I please do that later? I just - I need to get out of here.”

“MC…” He reached out to you.

“No, I’m serious - I feel like I can’t breathe.” It was happening again. You could hear your own heartbeat in your ears, and you saw the room spinning. Why was this happening?

“MC!” Lucifer held the sides of your face. “Okay, you’re okay. Let’s get some fresh air.”

His words were going in one ear and straight out the other. He held you in his arms, and you could feel him moving, but your dizziness made it hard to decipher what was going on. It wasn’t until he sat down, you were still being held by him, that you became aware of your surroundings. Somewhere deep in the forest lay a small lake, and a singular bench. The air was fresh, and the serenity filled your soul.

“I come here when it feels like everything is falling apart.”

After the Fall Tag List @ptv-hades @everyday-girl9041-blog

[dailyadventureprompts]

Adventure Setting:The Dreaming Weald

Setup: while the feywild spills over into most wild, ancient places, there are some stretches of the material plane that have been wholly suffused with the essence of fairyland, and the nature of what is “real” becomes soft and pliable as different realities mingle. 

The Dreaming Weald is just such a place, a storied stretch of Forrest untouched by any but the oldest elvan empires and run through with the deepst magic. Often travelers through the region don’t know they’ve stumbled into the weald until the path takes a wrong turn and suddenly directions like “left” or “right” or “down” come into question. Impossibilities flourish here: ponds hang above the ground, the trees press so low and dense that it feels as if one could be undergorund, you may encounter selfaware visions of people long thought lost. 

most travelers avoid the Dreaming Weald, knowing that to tarry too long among its distorted acres can lead one to slipping away forever into the lands of imagination. Others still seek out the Weald, looking to enjoy its impossible sights or claim a bit of its wonder for themselves. 

Adventure Hooks: 

Leaving behind her friends, family, and a good number of unfinished commissions, a distraught artist has run off to the Dreaming Weald looking for a way out of her creative fugue. Plenty of people are willing to pay the party to venture out to the Weald and retrieve her ( whether out of love, concern, or a desire to not see their investment wasted). When the party ventures out, they find that the artist has been reveling with the fey, and has forgotten her previous life, having unwittingly traded away her memories and burdens for a talent at bringing her paintings to life. The Fey are loath to give up their new “court artist”, so the party will either have to engage in a game of wits and wagers to get her freedom, or attempt to abduct her, risking fighting a whole army of painted guardians in doing so. 

The Borders of the Weald are expanding, and this worries the nobles who’s lands and estates may in a few years be swallowed by the land’s increasingly whimsical chaos. Taxes and levies cannot be raised when the roads your officials travel on begin to spiral off to nowhere, nor can the harvest be brought in if some stray curse gets into the village well turns every pesant into a goose. A druid must be found to curtail the weird and wild wilderness, and to reestablish the borders. 

Before the Weald was wild with magic, in a time of errant elf-knights and deepest lore, it was the domain of the Stag-Lord, a powerful enchanter who appears as a villain, monser, or obstacle in many folk stories that now pervade the region.  While no one tale captures the truth of the Stag-lord’s nature, all can agree that his grave lays at the center of the Forest: the trees having taken up his magic when their thirsting roots broke through his tomb and fed on the rich earth his body had become.   Some dabblers and dark practitioners make pilgrimage to his tomb, seeking to gain a little power for themselves, or to commune with this spirit on the curse-scented breeze. 

[e-jaegerenthusiast]

so this is goodbye

aot manga spoilers (everything + 139 included)

sketch by me (ik, ew)

warnings/tw; angst. heartache. agony 😁

summary; except for mikasa and armin, what did eren say to the others when he came to visit them?

song; visions of gideon-sufjan stevens

note; i was expecting the extra pages for 139 to be this. but oh well, i love them either way— aot has many stories to tell still. cant wait.

it was the least eren could do for him. after being his captain for so many years, making countless sacrifices for him, listening to him. he knew levi didn’t have a dream for himself, he knew his dream was erwin’s dream, erwin’s promise. so he could only guess what else he would like.

Levi flinched, one second he was sitting with the others on that damned ship, on their way to stop eren, but with a blink of his eye, he was sitting behind a bar. he glanced at his surroundings, trying to figure out what’s happening, he was always good at that, he needed to be. it wasn’t a bar, it seemed to be a counter of some sort, he ran his hand on the underside of the wooden counter, yet no dust came off when he brought his fingers to his own face.

the faint sound of a kettle diverted his gaze onto the stove not so far from him, he furrowed his brows, where was he? as he listened to the way the kettle boiled slowly, a familiar voice caught his attention. “hey...captain,” he had heard that voice call him captain one too many times. he didn’t even need to turn to know who it was, yet he still did. wanting to see with his own eye. eren was sitting in one of the round tables with 3 chairs, he looked younger. he looked like the same fifteen year old brat levi taught and looked after himself. his hair short, eyes burning a bright jade, no longer teal like present..present?

levi wanted to beat that brat up so much, didn’t matter if he was taller than him, or held the power of three powerful titans, he wanted to beat him to a pulp with his own knees. teach him how he has wasted his whole life protecting the boy, was war and genocide how he was going to repay him? repay their sacrifices? repay his sacrifice?

all thoughts were dusted away, sucked away into oblivion as eren spoke to him, levi looked down at his own fists, why were they clenched? why was he mad at fifteen year old eren? he was just a kid. “this is your tea shop captain, do you like it?” eren talked with a monotone voice, it felt like deja vü to levi, yet he didn’t know why. he couldn’t tell why his voice didn’t match his appearance. yet there was this nagging feeling in his brain , he shouldn’t be here.

“tea— tea shop? tsk, i don’t own a damn tea shop.” never in his life levi had doubts about anything, yet for once he spoke his words without knowing the truth behind them. eren looked down at his hands, stretching his fingers out before unstretching them again, he let out a sound, levi’s brows furrowed. was the damn brat laughing? or was he crying? he couldn’t tell what emotions eren held anymore.

“y’know captain,” eren spoke slowly as he got out of the table in the corner of the shop, making his way to the counter and sitting infront of levi, “you’re an ackerman. so obviously you won’t buy this stupid fake reality i made to try and condone my actions to you.” eren put a hand on his own forehead, tugging at his own hair, a tear drop rolled down his face, “it’s pathetic really, out of all the others, i don’t have anything planned to tell you, captain levi.” levi’s eyes widened and he seemed to be deep in thought, “it doesn’t matter if i apologize captain, it won’t bring back the lives of our soldiers who died for this, who died for me.”

levi was getting glimpses of memories back with each word that left eren’s lips, erwin’s limp body laying on that rooftop, petra’s neck pulled back against that tree, “i’ve failed you, captain levi.” hange’s hopefull eyes even as she dived into her own demise.

levi’s eye twitched, lunching towards eren over the counter, both of them falling down to the ground with what should’ve been an ear deafening noise, yet it was quite. it was quite as levi’s punches landed against the boy’s cheeks. it was quite until levi broke the silence, finally shouting. letting it out, “why?! why?! why did you do all this?! huh?” another punch to eren’s nose, yet he wouldn’t say anything, his eyelids low as he looked at levi with a grim expression. “god dammit you brat! why?! if you’re the all knowing! why couldn’t you change things? make it so that so many people wouldn’t have to die?!”

‘tell me if there’s another way!’ he had shouted at hange past the cells of his prison. he knew she was going to die. he knew and yet, shouting at her about not being able to change things was the last encounter between them before she burned within eren’s hell. he would see her later, not in this life. but he would cry and beg for her forgiveness as she smiles at him, making jokes about the bang she went out in.

levi’s knuckles were dripping blood now, yet he didn’t feel even the slightest of burning pain. he brought his hands up, the blood dripping down his fingers and onto his palm, painting it red. with a flick of both his wrists, the blood from his palm splattered onto eren’s face, mixing with the blood running down his nose. “this blood,” levi clenched and unclenched his fists, making more blood drip onto eren’s neck. “all of this blood, it’s on you, it’s on me, it’s on us.”

bang! a bullet. a damned bullet. shot by a young girl, a young hotheaded brat that reminded him too much of himself. he had seen it. he knew it was going to happen, yet why? why was he shaking? why was his heart trembling for the potato girl? why did he burst out crying? his own friends family forgetting the way he copes as they accused him of laughing at their friend’s death. how would he laugh? how could he laugh? it was all on him. he knew it. but he had to continue. for them.

with that, levi rolled off of eren, sitting on the wooden floor next to the boy as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. what was this feeling? he felt it all the way in his guts, traveling up his vocal cords and settling right above his adam’s apple. his lips trembled, his bloody hands coming up to cover his face, to try and mix the blood with the tears running from his eyes. why was he hitting eren?

they wouldn’t mix. his tears were hot, steaming down his cheeks as it burned him. eren’s blood.. eren’s blood had ran cold. blood shouldn’t be cold, levi of all people knew that, having felt it cover his hands and face one too many times. blood was supposed to be warm.

blood. blood everywhere. it was warm, burning his palms, burning his soul. he was just a kid, yet he had just killed two grown men. blood covered his hands, blood covered his soul. he knew he wouldn’t be the same. he knew the girl wouldn’t be the same after he wrapped the scarf around her.

he looked next to him, eren sitting with his legs crossed as they both sat in the center of the tea shop. levi looked down at his own hands, covered in blood, matching eren’s face. he blinked, eren’s face now clean, levi looked down at his own hands again, the blood was gone.

eren got up, holding his hand out for levi to hold, levi sighed, getting up as he used eren’s hand for leverage. “captain levi, i’ll explain everything to you as fast as i can, but you have to promise me something,” levi looked up at him, a sad expression on his face. “you have to help mikasa kill me. it’s the only way.” eren said as his face contorted into his older self, messy bun with loose strands falling down to his forhead. only way to what? it gave levi a headache.

-

levi never wanted to visit that god forsaken island again. he was content in marley, he had made a life for himself. his own tea shop, somehow it looked exactly like the one eren showed him. gabi and falco helped him take care of it, while taking care of him without his knowledge. sometimes he would find himself wishing he could visit eren’s grave, so he stared at the wooden floor of the tea shop, blood passing by his eyes as he wishes he didn’t paint the floors with it when he saw eren. he looks away as he feels a tear sliding down his cheek. that selfless brat.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

he would always be fighting with the boy, over things that did not need fighting over. but that’s what they say about frenemies, even as they act like they despise eachother, they truly admire eachother secretly. that’s what Jean felt for him. he was jealous sometimes, but mostly out of admiration for the brunette.

he always wanted a peaceful life, wanted to live happily next to someone he loves, he wanted a normal life. he didn’t even want to join the survey corps at first, wanting to thrive in the easygoing state of the military. yet, something about the hotheaded, determined boy sparred him on to risk his life, over and over.

Jean opened his eyes, the sunset could be seen on the distance not too far from the hillside. tall, green spruce trees sat around him, a cool breezing hitting them as he closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath. he was at peace, he didn’t know why but he was comfortable.

he opened his eyes the moment he heard the annoying voice of his rival, “oi, jean,” eren was sitting next to him, hair fanning around his neck. he looked like he was sixteen, but in jean’s mind, he always looked like that.

jean rolled his eyes, closing them and sighing as he laid down, feeling cool grass tickle his ears. “what are you doing here, idiot? don’t bother me when i’m relaxing.”

eren raised a brow as he looked down at jean, a small smile creeping its way accross his lips, “you’re always smart when you’re giving orders jean, what happened now?”

jean opened his eyes again, this time a slight shock twirling in his hazel orbs, leaning on one elbow as his face relaxed a bit, “right. we’re sitting here in your brain or something, as in reality, you’re actually destroying the whole world.”

eren rolled his eyes, a sad smile residing on his features. “listen jean, this isn’t going to be easy, none of this is. i’m just asking you to see eye to eye with me here?”

jean gave eren a sympathetic smile, slowly nodding his head, motioning for him to go on.

eren didn’t expect that, he didn’t expect jean to just sit and listen to his point of view of all people. his face contorted into one of confusion.

jean put his hand on eren’s shoulder, squeezing slightly as he nodded his head again, “i trust your judgment, eren.”

eren could feel tears pool in his eyes, threatening to fall any second, he was quite literally exhausted in every way. he needed a shoulder to cry on, he knew armin saw him breakdown, but it wasn’t enough. he felt like he could cry a river if he let himself. if his pride let him.

there was a heavy weight on his shoulders, the weight of the whole world, the weight of his friends’ and comrads’ lives, the weight of his own dignity, the weight of his decisions. the weight of the past, present, the future.

a single tear rolled down his cheek, he turned his head to the side quickly, wiping it away with his elbow but it was too late, jean had noticed it.

jean frowned, getting concerned as he wrapped one arm around eren, not really knowing what he’s doing.

eren’s body stiffened, his breath getting caught in his throat. jean took the silence as welcoming, wrapping another hand around him hesitantly, bringing eren close to his chest.

involuntary, the next breath eren let out turned into a broken sob, taking himself and jean by surprise as he broke down in jean’s arms, his screams echoing in the mountains and hilltops around them.

after a few seconds, eren calmed down a bit, moving away from jean as he wiped his eyes, hiding his head in his own arms.

jean chuckled, “idiot, did you just cry? what a baby.” he teased. eren looked at him with red eyes, letting out a chuckle, and several after that. playfully hitting jean’s shoulder

after their shared laughter died down, jean took a deep breath, “y’know eren... i never really hated you, i hope that—“ eren caught him off, saying in a low voice “i didn’t either, promise.”

jean gave him a sad smile, tears burning his own eyes as he tried to blink them away, “i know everything that you’re doing is for us. i know the others don’t realize it, but i do. i know it all has a reason behind it, yeah? suicidal bastard.”

eren nodded rapidly, weakly smiling as he spoke “i promise, yes. yes it does, i’m trying—“ his voice shook, “trying to do the right thing here, jean. everything— everything is happening so fast and at the same time and i just—“

jean ran his hand up and down eren’s back, “i know eren, i know. actually no, i’m stupid, and probably not even half as smart as you are. i can’t imagine or even begin to know what you’re going through.”

eren sniffed, looking back at jean with a pleading look in his eyes, “live a long life jean, please.”

jean gave a broken chuckle, “if you let me, yeah, that’s the goal.”

with that they both broke down, their tears not stopping as broken laughs left both the grown men’s mouths, pressing their foreheads together as they couldn’t even tell the difference between laughter or sobs anymore.

“and jean— make sure mikasa’s happy.”

jean tried to speak but eren shushed him,

“please, draw me for her. i know you can. make sure she doesn’t forget my face, yeah?”

“and take care of her jean, make her happy.” he said with a broken sob.

-

he would hug his own knees as he visited eren’s grave, he would talk to him as if he was there, teasing him and calling him an idiot, in hopes he could hear it from somewhere. he would sit in silence, covering his own ears occasionally. suicidal bastard, he thought as he would repeat their conversation in his head by the hillside as the sun rose.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Connie was always the goofy guy of the group, he’d make eren laugh a lot when they were together. his compassion being shown with jokes and snarky comments here and there.

they were really good friends, eren didn’t know when connie stopped being his goofy self, he didn’t know when he stopped making jokes with him. he had forgot it all, his memories like broken fragments of glasses all messed up in his head.

maybe it was when sasha died, when connie was left alone and broken. when he lost his twin, his other half. when he looked eren in the eyes with horror swirling in them instead of humor, tears rolling down his cheeks as it seemed all of the color from his face was drained and thrown off that damned airship.

maybe he lost all hope in eren then, maybe he thought of him as maniac, a complete psychopath who would laugh at his own family’s death.

little he knew all that eren was going through for them, little he knew all the things the young boy had to endure just because he was born into this world.

hot embers of fire swirled around in the cold air as wind blew, it was silent, peaceful. connie looked around himself, the crackling fire burning brightly on what seemed to be a rocky side of the beach, the sound of waves crashing against nearby stones filling his ears.

he looked up, sky littered in twinkling stars that seemed to be winking just for him. and not long passed before he heard eren’s smooth voice, mildly startled as he looked next to him.

eren was sitting there, staring up at the stars as each of them seemed to twinkle in his emerald green eyes, he looked fifteen, like when they first became friends. like when he would hear his stories and be impressed by the brave boy that wanted to take on all the titans by himself.

“hey, connie, why do you think starts die?”

connie chuckles, “i don’t know, they get sick?”

eren raises his brows, “well, kind of, yeah.”

eren sighed, “fine i’ll tell you, you’ve always been bad at riddles anyway.”

connie pushed him with his elbows slightly as he rolled his eyes.

“they die out, one day they just... get tired and exhausted of shining. even though they look really pretty, they die too.” eren sighed.

connie frowned, slowly realizing where he is and why eren is there. he looked at eren with wide eyes.

eren turned to him, eyes pleading as he spoke, “i’m sorry about sasha, connie. i really am. i swear i couldn’t stop it, if i could, i would. it’s not like that it’s—“

connie stopped him, startling the boy as he hugged him. “it’s okay eren. she would forgive you.”

eren smiled, another tear rolling down his cheek, god dammit.

“your mom can be saved, i’ll save her. i’ll do it connie. live a long life with her.”

-

he would smile at the sky constantly, always staring at the starts as they twinkled down at him, he knew eren was one of them. he hoped at least. “my mom did live eren, thank you.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

eren would look up to Reiner like his own older brother, like his mentor. times were he fell on his ass during training, reiner would be there to pick him up. to always lend him a hand when he needed it.

he didn’t know he would have to go against eren numerous times, every battle of theirs ending with both of their titans beaten down and their souls exhausted, never really having a clear winner.

reiner hated that part of himself, that part that thought of eren as a younger brother, as an ambitious kid that was too goal-driven for his own good.

he also hated the part of himself that longed to kill eren, to finally fulfill his task that made him lose bertoldt, to finally have that weight off his shoulders. to finally be at peace with his family.

in conclusion, reiner hated all parts of himself. he wanted to put an end to himself, yet he couldn’t do it, he was too cowardly, and he also hated himself for that.

the sound of a river could be heard in the distance as reiner sighed, his head aching and not knowing his surroundings, he wasn’t supposed to be here. he was supposed to be fighting. fighting for his life, fighting for other’s lives.

“oh, reiner.” eren’s voice startled him as he looked to his side, eren’s hair long and facial hair on his face was bringing deja vu to reiner. if he weren’t terrified that day, he would be impressed by how much eren has really grown.

reiner sighed, nodding his head in response. “help my friends, they were once yours too. they still are, reiner.”

reiner felt a stinging in his eyes, yet he couldn’t tell what it was as he looked at eren, nodding rapidly, “i am. i know. you were all my family too, eren.”

reiner cried, eren having a sad smile on his face as he watched him. “i want you to live a long life reiner, just like all of them, okay? please don’t end it yourself.”

reiner’s hands shook as he looked at eren, “i’m not even half the man you are eren.”

“you looked out so well for all of us, i promise i will too, i’ll take care of them, bro.”

“good.”

-

he never thought suicidal thoughts anymore. he stopped hating himself for everything. he would visit eren’s grave with a smile, thanking him under his breath quietly, checking in on all of his friends more and more as he found his true self.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Annie didn’t feel much towards the boy, he thought he was a hotheaded idiot who was going to meet his end by annie herself.

yet she was wrong, he was way stronger than she thought. and she admired that.

annie blinked, warm sun dancing on skin as she stood up, she was surrounded by flowers, the smell of colorful tulips filling the air with the soft breeze.

she walked through the field, closing her eyes as she breathed in the scent of the flowers, calming her senses.

when she opened them, eren was standing infront of her, hair short and physique small as he looked just like the last time she saw him, the last time she tried to kill him.

“long time, annie.” he mumbled, his hands inside his pockets as he walked closer.

annie clenched her fists by her sides, taking a deep breath as she looked at him, and then she realized it.

she realized where she was and how she was one of the many people who started this. who turned eren into this, a frown sat on her features as she started panicking, wanting to scream.

she felt eren’s hand on her shoulder, calming her breathing slightly and taking her out of her trance.

“calm down, annie. it’s okay, it’s not your fault.”

“i’m sorry, eren.”

eren gave her shoulder a squeeze, reassuring her as he gave her a soft smile, “take care, annie.”

-

she kept the ring, it reminded her of eren, the only stupid little thing reminding her of all the hardships she’s had to overcome, all the things eren had to overcome as she was frozen in time in that damn basement. she would live her life to the fullest now. his sacrifices wouldn’t go to vain.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

and so, even if war continues, even if all eren’s sacrifices barely made a dent in history, at least his friends were thankful. they were thankful as they lived long lives without no longer having to fight for it constantly. thanking eren and holding him dear in their hearts at all times.

© all content belongs to e-jaegerenthusiast, do not repost or copy any of my work

[ecrivant]

execrated | levi ackerman

(levi ackerman x reader)

he was no more than an object of execration in the aftermath of you; 

the one in which levi immerses himself in nocturnal bloodshed to rid himself of you.

c.w. – graphic depictions of violence

word count: 2.5k

In the sink, saliva, sanguine-tinged, a grisly spatter on blanched porcelain.  Pain burgeoned from visage’s center as he—with hands shaking and stained red with blood native and foreign—tried to curtail the gore which madly gushed forth, like crimson water from dam awash, made that way through rain-soaked massacre.  Body before suffused with adrenaline now felt the seeping agony of ruptured dermis and fragmented bone.  The hung mirror before him, begrimed and fragmentary and missing shards from its bottom right, held in it his own demented likeness, from nose down drenched in blood-red coagulate and looking savage as if born into barbarism.  This redness pooled in his palms, leaked between fingers.  He leaned forward so his head hovered over sink’s bowl and spat up more carmine sputum and removed his hands from his face and with one gripped the bowl and with the other turned the faucet handle and left blood there.  The water, weak and cold.  He let the liquid run over his hands and watched it coalesce with what was there and trickle down the drain in pinkish amalgam.  In the washroom, a pervasive and ferric scent.  There were no paper towels, so he impotently stood over the sink with head ducked and perhaps misguidedly let the blood pour from him.  Feeling dizzy from blood loss and strong liquor and impacted temples.  He winced and contorted his expression, but it only bore another bloom of pain.  

In memory he sat on bathtub’s edge and watched you floss and listened to the brush of your shirt sleeves and your open-mouthed breathing and the plucking of floss against teeth.  Seeing your face only in reflection as your back was to him.  You finished and threw away the thread—pedal wastebasket’s lid slamming against tile wall before shutting again—and asked in a tone of joking condescension when he had last flossed.  He replied that he could not remember.  

And after he flossed to placate you, he leaned forward—with your body flush to and embracing his—and spat and saw blood in the sink.

He was reminded of you in the strangest of times.

He had migrated from the taprooms downtown that had come to know him as belligerent to the bars of back alleyways and lowdown localities where the population was less made of people and more of nocturnal wraiths of ire who, having long since ceded their humanity, now only knew a lust for blood.  These vestiges of personhood fought ferociously and with the desperation of a man who in balled fists held his own life, though they hardly cared if they lived or died, for life means nothing to those who have already forsaken it.  

—

The bleeding slowed as if his body grew tired of the exertion.  He reflexively wiped at tender features with the back of his hand and felt more pain.  Slinking out of a back entrance unnoticed, unsure of whether he killed a man that night.  He stumbled off a concrete step into a torrent and had to brace himself on the wall opposite. The nocturne’s deluge—backstreet, flooded.  He shielded his eyes from an invisible sun and regarded the pitch swathed in a pall of rain.  The rainfall on metal and concrete and the detritus of litter and broken glass unseen created the rhythm to which he blindly walked forward, faltering every other step. Senses overwhelmed, as he did not hear the beat and splash of lumbering footfalls behind him and barely registered the bottle smashed against his head until he was face-down in wastewater and then spitting up fluid from nose and lung as he was lifted by the hair and thrown against the wall.  

The rain and the night so thick he could not see his attacker’s face, only the glint of a knife in streetlamp’s diffused illumination.  Vaulting sideways he felt the tip of this shining blade swipe his stomach.  He ducked to avoid a swung fist and on hands and knees blindly searched for some defense in the remnants of piled scrap which had not yet been swept away by the rushing current.  Unfathomable pain erupting in the side of his head as the kick of a steel-toed boot connected with his temple.  He laid prostrate and dazed and heard only the deafening surge of blood in his ears and the rhythmic pulsation of his struck skull, and as he kicked weakly and at nothing, he felt the hulking presence of his anonymous assailant above him and found he could do nothing except wonder whether this insensate being would choose to with that knife gorge his eyes or shred his chest or both.  By inborn instinct, he rolled clumsily to avoid coming under blade, swiping the man’s legs as he did.  The man fell, and with him the sound of bone cracked on concrete cut through the roaring downpour.  Levi found the knife dropped and gripped it and sliced the man’s hamstring behind his knee and at once cut up the back of his thigh and plunged the blade into it. The eldritch bellow of a beast now enervated—the man grabbed at Levi’s legs, but he simply sidestepped and avoided those desperate and grasping limbs.  

Levi tasted blood and spit and said, “Pick fights you can win,” before backing away from the man and exiting the alleyway.  

—

In his wake a bloody trail as he labored up the staircase of his building, heavy and slow and uneven steps echoing against concrete and cinderblock.  During this ascent, he passed a flaccid and crumpled human form splayed, drunk or sleeping or dead.  He did not stop but in passing softly kicked the body with his good leg, and upon its immediate stirring he continued.  

He pulled his shirt over his head in front of his bathroom mirror and could feel the evening’s history in every muscle.  His body, battered and contused, and flesh already discolored blue and yellow and inky black; hair matted by rain and gore and falling before visage’s distended and ashen features.  His chest was sliced cleanly between pectorals—the mark from that infernal blade—with the layers of skin peeling open like a lipless mouth, inside raw and resembling offal.  The grisly lesion coughed and sputtered and spat up blood, and he cried out as he balled up his sodden shirt and used it as a compress, and for a moment his vision reeled. He staggered through his apartment—past the things you had left behind and he could not throw away—and located the means to suture his wound, leaving bloodied handprints behind.  He screamed as he poured the alcohol over his chest.  His hands shook as he pierced flesh with threaded needle, darkness creeping into his periphery.  Upon cutting the final stitch he promptly collapsed to the floor.

—

In a restless sleep he dreamt of the creation of your body by divinity’s hand, of the holy sculptor who limned the corporeal form which housed your eternal soul.  At times, those divine hands were his own.  

—

With each drop of blood shed he purged himself of you, and he would continue until all his blood drained or from him you were exorcised entirely.    

—

He awoke to his body adhered to the floor in a pool of bloodied coagulate.  At first unable to move and then taking several minutes to find within him strength to roll to the side and sit up.  He thought for a moment of the job he had long abandoned, of friends who had likely forgotten him, and could not remember his last non-violent encounter nor the last time words spoken were anything but vitriolic remarks between hurled fists—he was no more than an object of execration in the aftermath of you.

—

With enough liquor—as if the spirits themselves some heady and greening elixir—previous nights were forgotten.  Bibulous and newly invigorated, he prowled the darkened streets, hands pocketed, lusting for the bloodshed he had come to desire in the way he for you once ached.  The pavement underfoot slick with mud and effluent like some backcountry swampland through which he waded and searched for violence to placate his id.  The night was clear and cloudless but smelled of sewerage and remnants of rainfall, and the stars hung suspended in the firmament’s pitch continuum, supplementing the moon’s light now absent per a new moon.  Distantly, a bell tower rung three.  

He continued on and watched as the street seemed to come undone—road dead-ending with unfinished pavement, fiercely jagged and potholed and undulating as if there to witness the very shifting of the earth many times over.  The roadway’s ceasing was before a collapsing chain-link fence, disfigured and clipped here and there, which separated the road from a lot piled with soil and scrap material.  Remnants of some edifice planned but long forgotten.  With a running start he jumped and climbed and vaulted himself over the fence with ease, the mesh bending and creaking beneath his weight and clattering after with the tremors of his movement.  

The site was one of earthen topography with eminent dirt mounds textured by way of erosion and manmade footmarks, the land entirely devoid of verdure and instead landscaped with metal scrap and waste discarded.  Shrubbery of twisted wire and cairns of glass from bottles shattered.  He walked through vales between mountainous dirt outcroppings and could not see but for that dim, supernal illumination.  Hearing breathing and a rustling near him, he turned around and looked and squinted in that pervasive darkness to make out any movement but could do nothing as the ragged beast who produced the sound descended onto him from above with such speed and force as to bring him to the ground and crumple his neck and knock the wind out of him.  He gasped for breath as this hellish face pocked and scarred and seemingly without body levitated above him, eyes wild and themselves luminescent, aglow with a crazed fervor unseen in beings diurnal.  How much longer, he wondered, until his eyes would resemble the ones now before him?

“Y’re gonna fuckin’ die here, boy.”

Spoken not as a threat but a gleesome proclamation.  He felt against his throat the massive blade of a Bowie knife, no doubt used to skin beings living and dead.  Between inhalations he kneed at the air, and his thrust connected with the man’s back, and it was enough to knock the man off balance and cause him to lose his footing in the slick mud underfoot—a falter which Levi exploits, throwing this monstrous aggressor from him.  Now free of that savage embrace, he erected himself—looking like some devil from the bogged and muddy earth both born and emerging—and crouched with arms bent for combat.  Relishing in his opposite’s struggle to regain footing.  Levi could see the man had lost his knife in the fall and smiled. The sounds of squelching and boot-sucking muck and slurred curses were all to be heard.  He dashed at the man and in one movement dropped him with a kick to the jaw, and the man landed face-first and unmoving in the mire and seemed to sink.  He kicked him again in the ribs and felt them give.

He thought of you and was suddenly suffused with rage and raised his leg to boot the man again but was surprised and let out a strangled yell when the man with uncanny swiftness raised up and caught Levi’s leg in an iron vise and with his other hand drove a broken bottle which he gripped by the neck into that leg he held steadfast.  Levi felt an unknowable pain erupt in his calf, and his vision crossed and blurred, and though through haziness, he saw the man’s face—features vague and inhuman beneath a swathe of sludge, save for the feral eyes, now looking even more savage and like those of a fiend from hell, and a bleached smile which shone in the dark—and Levi, with this infernal vision incised in mind’s eye, fell to the ground.  The man crawled backwards and looked on as if an artist admiring his magnum opus.  The bottle had not broken off in Levi’s leg and instead protruded like some glass tor, and from this wound spewed gore which turned earth red.

He was in and out of consciousness and felt the man approaching but awoke to car’s rumble and was numb.

Climbing stairs with weight supported.

Sprawled on cold tile. Blinded by overhead light.  Anonymous hands around his leg, their tender touch. He felt these hands caress his face as a massive umbra occluded the glaring light above.  Eyes adjusting.  He saw you.

He awoke to a softness beneath him.  In your shared bed, head against your chest.  He was swaddled in your warm embrace, luxuriating in the feeling of you wrapped around him. You whispered and murmured incoherent nothings but in them he felt your adoration, reassurance, love, unadulterated.

And in some way, he knew he had already died or was a least on death’s brink.  For he would never know the pleasure of you unless he was.  And with this thought your image dissolved away, and he was again mired in an earthen mess with leg enfeebled and that beastly man atop him.  His good limbs pinned to the ground and form incapacitated.  Adrenaline and cortisol and all other chemicals in his hormonal amalgam coalesced in his bloodstream, and he found the strength to once again push the man off him, though he could not yet stand.  And against his better judgment, he tore the bottle from his leg and plunged it instead into the man’s neck, the blood of one against jagged glass exchanged for another’s.  Though still laced with that otherworldly mania, he saw in the man’s eyes fear, and then in those eyes he saw nothing at all.  And then the man was dead.  

He had not cried since the day you left, but he now found himself wiping at tears which were mostly mud. He dragged himself away from the man as to not touch the soiled blood which from carotid erupted and hyperventilated as he did.  

He wished you would rescue him as he had imagined.  

But instead he dragged himself through mire and finally came upon that chain-link fence which acted as entrance to the hell from which he came, and even through his abject pain he felt his violent id satiated.  He found a rusted and discarded pole and in one hand held it and with the other grabbed the fence and struggled to pull himself to his feet but did.  

He would not make it far from the fence, only having crossed the threshold of where the road which once seemed to unwind reconstructed itself, before he collapsed in carnage’s aftermath from exhaustion and indiscriminate blood loss, and again, dumbly, perhaps on death’s precipice, only thought of you.  Your unwavering presence outliving him.

—

hi there again!  thank you so much for reading!!  i’m sorry this piece took so long, school is starting, and i’m adjusting to actually using my brain again.  will try my best to keep a consistent posting schedule + i SWEAR i will get to writing the numerous requests in my inbox.  much love xoxo <3

masterlist

taglist: @flam3bird​, @sakusas-whore

[thyme-writes]

NSFW Bunny Lucifer Fic

I’m sorry, Lucifer looked too good in this outfit to resist....

anyway, enjoy ;)

<3

Upon speaking with the little demon and being handed each respective outfit, the brothers separated from MC heading to the men’s locker rooms. As she walked into the changing area, she was distinctly aware of how skimpy her costume really was. She pulled the bathing suit like body suit out of the bag, the top was similar to a corset, but it resembled a button up shirt in design, with a black bow at the top where she anticipated her breasts would be spilling out. The bottom was black with a bunny tail on the back, and the thigh cut was far too high up for her liking, but to her advantage the tights she received were much darker than she expected, just barely showing any skin tone underneath.

 After putting the entire costume on, bunny ears and all, she walked in front of the mirror and blushed at her appearance. Looking like something out of a playboy magazine, or a slutty Halloween costume store, she chuckled. She had to turn away from the mirror before she got too nervous, she was forced to be here and was not going to make matters worse for anyone. Slipping on the tall heels she imagined herself standing like a dom over a delicious, begging, handsome man. MC was typically a very submissive person, and she enjoyed being controlled most days. Though, she always wondered what having that control would really feel like. Her imagination soared with images and thoughts of ordering a man around, crawling across her floor to where she waited on the bed. She felt her face heat up and deep in her stomach flutter. Shaking her head, she let the images go, telling herself she would circle back to those thoughts some other time.

 Taking not even a full step out of the locker room, Lucifer stood before her looking impatient, with his head turned to the side glancing down the hall. She took stock of the demon before her. His face was stoic, even if it was an irritable expression. His black hair looked luxurious, and the bunny ears seem to accentuate his soft features like his pursing lips. Which looked more delicate now than they ever had. The slight redness of his blush made his cheeks look velvety smooth. Her eyes wandered to his outfit, the brilliant blue bow tie caught her eyes first, but the more she looked at him the more there was for her to see. His waistcoat was black and tight around his waist, directing her vision to continue further down, where the straps of the waist coat rested against his thighs. His pants were tight in all the right places, making her mouth water and instinctively she licked her lips. Realizing she’d been staring far too long, her eyes snapped back up to his face. His mouth was gaping looking at her.

 While she stood looking him up and down, Lucifer could feel the panic and arousal creeping up his body. She stood there in an outfit he would only want her to wear in his bedroom, not an outfit she should serve tables in. Her soft breasts spilled over the low-cut top, with a bow in the center looking like a gift begging him to be unwrapped. She stood with her hand on her hip and the cut of the body suit was so high it practically reached where her hand rested. He could see where her pelvis and thighs met, the skin there covered by tights, but he wanted to bite right through the material and mark her up. The heels were too much for him, the second he saw her feet he could feel himself heat up, he had to look away. To his pleasure, he looked up to watch her undress him with her eyes. His mouth went dry and his jaw went slack, she was absolutely going to have him undone in no time.

 “I would love to dissect the looks you just gave me MC, but first we are getting you a new outfit. I will absolutely not allow you to be degraded in front of the whole Devildom like this…” He stepped forward to reach out and grab her hand. She stepped back, pushing her palm flat against his chest.

 “This is not up to you, Lucifer.” Her voice came out in more of a sultry drawl than she meant, but the second it came out of her mouth she decided to run with it. His adams apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. The desire of wanting to take her right on the spot they stood was killing him. “I will be wearing this, and I will show you all how to properly serve a restaurant.” She smiled and let her hand creep up to his bowtie, gripping it and pulling him just slightly toward her. “So do your best tonight, Lucifer.” His eyes were wide, and his teeth were clenched. She let out a soft chuckle and released his tie, walking down the hall as each step echoed the click of her heels on the floor. He watched as her walking away, the bunny tail enhancing the look of her ass swaying side to side.

  The group stood around discussing the outfits, while she felt the stares from some of the brothers, only Asmo made a quiet comment about how sexy she looked. The majority of the brothers were more frustrated about having to wear the outfits themselves to focus on hers, though Levi did ask to take her photo, which she was happy to pose for. The customer service training was a breeze for her, when she told Lucifer she would show him, she meant it. These demons had no idea how long she had to wait tables for, and how many different menus she’d memorized. It came back to her like muscle memory. Not to mention she even found herself more at ease with the dance than she expected. It may have been the costume giving her false confidence, but she truly felt like she was running the show for once.

 There were multiple times during the night she could feel Lucifer’s stare on her, and it would’ve been a lie to say it didn’t affect her. While of course all the brothers looked ridiculously hot, she was really focused on the oldest brother for the night. Something inside her had flipped and all she wanted to do was dominate the man who took so much pleasure in dominating her. She would turn when she could feel his stare on her and wink at him. Reveling in watching his cheeks bloom just slightly pink and his flustered face turn from flush to frustrated in no time at all.

   Once the group had finished for the night, they all arrived back home. Lucifer made a point to explain where to put their uniforms in the bathroom to have them dry cleaned for the next day. Everyone began to disperse, there was arguing about the communal bathroom aside from Asmo and Levi of course, and eventually a schedule was made for everyone to get in and out quickly. MC opted to be last, and had an idea brewing in her head. After getting out of the tub, she smirked as she found the area where the costumes were being held to dry clean, on the shelf above the discarded clothes was the collection of bunny ears and ties. Smirking, she gripped the blue tie and ears, putting them inside her robe to hide them as she ran through the halls back to her room. She got dressed as quickly as she could, wearing black skirt, her heels from her costume, and a black tank top, throwing the accessories in a bag.

 Finding herself in front of his door, she gulped hard. Her heart was racing, but between her legs was hot and damp already. Her knuckles rapped against the door, much more aggressively than she had intended. The door swung open, revealing a frustrated Lucifer. He froze as he looked her up and down, gulping hard again, he had tried to contain his arousal all night at the restaurant but now that he was home, he no longer tried to stop the blood rushing to his length. He leaned against the door frame controlling his composure and smirked at her, a tent forming in his sweatpants.

 “Do you plan to invite me in? Or shall I stand here longer?” MC smirked back at him, pushing her hip out and placing her hand on it. She looked him up and down her eyes almost stopping to look at the bulge longer.

 “Ah yes, of course come in…” He stood to the side and she swayed in the room just like she had in the restaurant. He closed the door and eyed her as she walked over to the chairs by the fireplace turning one slightly more toward the room and smiling at him devilishly. “I’m curious MC, what-”

 “No let me stop you there, I’d like something different tonight Luci, seeing you in that costume made me want to take control tonight.” He sat down on the edge of his bed, leaning to the side, one arm holding up his body as he looked at her curiously. She stood up and pulled her tank top off, revealing a lacey, black bra. She sauntered over to him and he sat up straight as she got closer. “Will you be a good listener for me tonight Luci?” She stood just in front of him and he reached up to touch her, when she gave him a dangerous look, and he stopped, smiling wide.

 “Yes, Ma’am.” He licked his lips.

 “Mmm, good boy.” She practically whined, her voice shook slightly, and he could tell she was insanely aroused. He vowed in his head to ask her to take control more often. “Take everything off Luci.”

 He smiled and stood up, she was so close to him she could feel his breath on he as he stood, almost cracking her resolve. She wondered how he did this every time. She wanted to give in and just get on him immediately, but she was dying to tease him like he has teased her.

 He slowly took his shirt off, enjoying watching her anticipation. She was trying to keep a cold expression on her face, but there was no denying the effect it had on her. He started to take his pants off and she turned back to the chair grabbing a black bag she had brought in with her. He was now naked waiting for her, his length was at attention, it seemed he enjoyed watching her like this. She placed the bag next to him and he looked down, but she reached her hand down to his length, pumping him slow. He moaned at the touch, she caught him by surprise, but he had also been aroused for hours because of her, and now he ached for her. His head leaned back slightly, and he closed his eyes.

 “That’s my good boy.” She cooed, her breath right against his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. Without warning he felt her teeth grip the side of his neck and he groaned loud. His hands twitched to grab her, but he knew she would scold him for touching her based on the look she’d given him. He felt like putty in her hands for a second, then thought how fun it would be to watch her try and punish him. She licked the spot she had bitten, and his hands reached out to grip her ass, finding there was no panties under her skirt. He groaned louder and she practically hissed. She stepped two steps back, releasing his length. “Now, now.” She scolded, and he moaned, aching for her hand to wrap around him again.  “I was just praising you for being a good boy, what a shame.” She stood with her hand on her hip looking at him. His length twitched hard, she was really playing into the role now and he wanted to bury himself inside her and wipe that sassy look off her face.

 “That’s okay my bunny, you can make it up to me.” She grabbed the bag on the bed and pulled out his bunny ears and bow tie smiling. “Put these on bunny boy.” He could hardly hold the growl back, his immediate reaction was to deny her, but the devious look in her eye was so delicious. He grabbed the ears, sliding them on his head while he made eye contact with her. Then putting the bow tie around his neck, and her eyes turned to pure hunger. His length was twitching, and she watched it licking her lips. His breathing was heavy and hot now, she could see he was just as affected as she was. To his dismay she turned and walked over to the chair, sitting confidently, and smiling at him. Taking her time, she slowly removed her bra, her breasts bouncing as she jiggled her body to take it off. He felt like he was going crazy, knowing he could take this human any second he wanted, but he awaited his orders. For some reason, it made him twitch more, his length bobbing around between his legs.

 “I think you like this bunny.” She smiled, licking her lips.

 He nodded.

 “Mmm, good bunny, come to me.” He stood and she lifted up a finger to stop him. “Crawl, bunny.”

 His eyes burned furiously, then he looked to the ground and back up to her, she spread her legs and he could see her lips under the skirt, slick with desire. He groaned and dropped to the ground, crawling to her slowly. She was crumbling inside, watching this domineering demon crawling across his own room to her, wearing blue, bunny ears and a bow tie. His chiseled shoulders bobbing and flexing every time he inched closer. She wanted to grab at her nipples, or rub at her clit, but she hesitated. Trying to hold up the image of a woman in full control. One thing for sure, she knew she was dripping her juices on the chair.

 He reached her and sat back on his feet, looking to her with his crimson eyes, waiting for her to tell him what to do. She was practically at her limit, unsure how much longer she could keep it up. She leaned forward to give him a deep kiss, he responded back by almost grabbing her head and pulling her into his kiss harder, but he stopped, putting his arms by his side, and kissing her back.

 “Good boy.” She was breathless now, leaning back she pulled up her skirt.  “Eat me bunny.”

 He smiled, he loved seeing her take charge, but he could hear her resolve cracking, and he knew it wouldn’t be long. He leaned forward touching her thighs so spread her further. She swatted his hands, “No bunny, just your mouth.” He growled; he was losing his patience. She shook her head, with all the energy she had to hold back.

  “Bad boy…” she put her heel on his thigh, he looked down and then back up at her with a defiant look. “You’re not behaving bunny.” She pulled her foot off him and stood up. “Shall I go?”

 “Wait, MC. I’ll do better.” He groaned, pressing his lips against her thighs, and kissing, licking circles across her thighs to the other thigh, then kissing and sucking. “Please” he whispered between kisses. She looked down to watch his length twitching and smiled, watching his eyes look up at her as he kissed her thighs gently suckling across her skin. She was desperate for those lips on her slit.

 She sat down on the edge of the chair and pulled his head to her mound, he growled slightly at the aggressive motion but settled his mouth between her legs licking and prodded at her slit with his warm tongue. Immediately MC was moaning like an animal in heat. Her entire body was slack against the chair, aside from the hand on his head holding him where the headband for the bunny ears was, pushing his face against her over and over as he lapped up all the juices that he could get out of her. His tongue and mouth latched to her clit and she was practically screaming. Her hips were grinding against his face and he was moaning into her, the vibrations of his lips sending her into a shaking mess.

 Aware that she was reaching her climax he nibbled at her clit slightly between sucking and licking it. Then Lapping up her slit. He continued these motions over and over again. She was barely forming words at this point and he knew it was time, he wanted to hear her scream. He focused hard on her clit and began flicking his wet tongue across her clit fast and hard, over, and over. Tremors took her body as she reached her climax. She was screaming his name and he didn’t let up on his pace, continuing to flick his tongue on her clit and her body jerked with every motion. She was begging him to stop now, and he laughed into her slit. He stopped, kissing her clit, and pulling his head back up.

 Standing up slowly, he leaned over her on the chair. She was desperately trying to catch her breath and he leaned in to kiss her. “May I?” He whispered, she could smell herself on his lips and she moaned, nodding. He kissed her hard, invading her mouth with his tongue as he wrapped his hand around the back of her head. His fingers laced through her hair and she moaned.  His lips left hers and he kissed down her neck, sucking and licking across her neck.

 “Oh please, just take me Luci. Take me how you want to.”  She begged, feeling desperate to have him inside her.

 “Mmmm, you did so good MC.” He kissed all across her collar, then scooped her up off the chair. She gasped, moaning slightly, and he threw her on the bed. “I want to tease you for what you did to me, but I simply can not wait any longer to fuck you.” He looked at her like she was his prey, and she pulled her skirt off quickly. He got on top of her, spreading her thighs for him and teasing his tip at the entrance. Leaning in, Lucifer kissed her slow and pushed himself in as slow as he kissed. His tongue teasing as he pumped in and out of her inch by inch. Her body was so desperate her hips tried to roll into him.

 “Please Luci, fuck me harder.” MC was begging him now, verbally, and physically.

 “I love to hear that begging.” He growled and slammed himself inside her fully, forcing a gasp from her lungs. Pulling out to the edge of her entranced, then slamming back in, he continued this forceful slow pace until she started moaning for him again. Then he leaned in closer, seating himself inside her fully, and began sucking and biting her neck. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling immense pleasure holding him against her as he fucked her senseless. His hips continued a hard thrust but got faster and faster as he heard her begin moaning his name. He was growling into her skin as he sucked and bit at her, leaving marks in his wake. The pace was now furious, the slapping sound was ringing through the room as he railed into her. His bed was slamming against the wall with a consistent beat to the sound of his intense strokes, and he felt like the moans she was making was the song with the beat.

 Wanting to make her scream, he leaned back, picking up her legs and putting them on his shoulders he watched her as she gripped at her nipples. Pushing her hand away, he rolled one of her nipples in his fingers and watched her face contort with pleasure. He knew she could tease herself, but the face she made when he did it for her was pure ecstasy. He growled, she was keeping up with his pace, and he was approaching his climax. He refused to cum before her second time. He pulled himself almost all the way out slow, then pushed back inside her slow. Pumping himself in and out, Lucifer reached down and began rubbing her clit. She gasped, writhing under him, her muscles tightening and gripping him hard. He let out a roar and started pumping inside her hard again, he licked his fingers and slid his wet slick fingers around her clit teasing her, then flicking his finger across it, back to teasing.

 She was begging again, and he was going to explode. He put pressure on his fingers and rubbed against her clit back and forth now, instead of the light flicking. She was mumbling moans under him and squeezing her nipples hard. Her muscles contracted on him and her juices came pouring out of her body as she shook through her orgasm. With relief Lucifer stuttered his movements and let himself release, grunting her name.

 Laying flat on her back, MC was trying to catch her breath when Lucifer pulled out, and within minutes he was back with a soft rag to clean her up, and he kisses her thighs softly as he wiped her down.

 “You looked so hot trying to control me, MC. I think I’d like to do that again sometime.” She propped up on her elbows smiling wide at him.

 “Sure bunny, anytime.” The smirk on her face made him growl playfully, he grabbed the ears off his head, which he’d forgotten were still there. Then removing the bow tie, he leaned over her kissing her hard, and pushed her under the covers.

 “Let’s get some sleep.”

[utterlyinevitable]

Time Bomb

III.

I.  |   II.

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.2k Warning: angst, trauma, panic attack Summary: OHSY Chapter 13 rewrite with the trauma we should have had.

A/N: I was going to have this be one long fic but it read just as jumpy as the canon chapter so imma split it up into 3-4 parts. I’ve been sitting on this for weeks and not really happy with it but yolo it’s as good as it’s gonna get! Enjoy 💗

________________________________________

III.

Following an all-too-short lunch with Jackie, Becca reposed in the residents lounge for the rest of the day, alone, save for the somewhat reassuring chime of silence which was suspended throughout the room, and a riveting new journal that she held in her hands as she waited on labs to come back for her only patient, Farley. 

Esme stepped inside the newly renovated room, closing the thick wooden door behind her and spinning a pen anxiously between her fingers. The atmosphere changed immediately - whatever calmness Becca found in this modern solitude vanished with her enigma of an intern’s presence. She moved to sit across from Becca without saying a word. 

The two of them sat there in complete silence for a bit. The only sound was the rattling of the central heating from behind the ceiling panels and the taps of the pen Esme was still spinning between her hands. 

Becca folded the article on her lap. She couldn’t focus on it anyway. 

“Esme? Everything okay?”  

It was impossible to miss the sullen look on Esme’s face - as if the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders and crushing her completely. She looked at Becca for a long moment, never meeting her eyes. Esme’s stare scanned the resident before her; the one resident responsible for her mentorship, the one she’s supposed to trust, the one who’s known to have faced great ethical dilemmas. All Esme could see was the same struggle staring back at her - only worse. 

“Not really,” she huffs, crumpling back into the couch cushion. “It's Levi. His situation... it's really getting to me.” She took a pause to lick her dry lips. Then dove into the guilt eating away at her, “He's in so much pain every minute of every day. He's miserable, Becca. His whole life is agony, and he can't even tell anyone. I put my stethoscope to his chest a few days ago, and he teared up.” 

Becca could tell Esme was trying not to cry, hiding her emotions behind the brick wall her angry tone provided. Trying to be strong. For whom had yet to be determined.   

“Could you live like that?” 

“Honestly…” Becca sighed as she bit her cheek, “I don't know.” 

The last two weeks had Becca contemplating her own existence more than ever - a unwarranted side effect of escaping death. And in all those restless hours she hadn’t settled on a solid statement. She hadn’t found the right words to completely encompass and make sense of the endless agony tearing her apart. 

She wished she could have switched places with Danny and Bobby; it was her fault they got caught in the crossfire. But Becca was selfish. So selfish for not wanting to die. 

Rebecca Carolina Lao did not want to die. She could not die.

She’d worked hard her entire life - devoted her youth to her studies and cultivating the best resume she could. Her life had only just begun. She finally had the career of her dreams and… 

What else is there to live for? 

Those around her. Her friends. Her family miles away. 

She couldn’t leave them. What would her mom be like if she had died without saying goodbye? She was strong but no one is strong enough to bury their child. Would she have her buried, or cremated and kept close to her heart? How would her roommates cope with the loss of another friend? How would they cope with taking on her share of the bills on top of inevitably losing their jobs in a few months? Who would pack up all her stuff and where would it all go? 

Becca didn’t know any of these answers because she wasn’t in that position. 

Through all of her pain, she fought like hell to stay. 

As she sat in front of Esme, Becca’s mind briefly wandered to what it would be like to be in Levi’s position. If she couldn’t hold anyone’s hand anymore, or hold a pen or a book without pain… or kiss Ethan… 

Would she be strong enough to live without everything she holds dear? 

No. 

She could not imagine her life ending any time soon. 

“So what do I do for him, Becca? How do I help?”

The pen stopped rotating and the heating system lulled to a dull hum. 

“You try... To respect his wishes,” she said with a resolute nod. “That could mean finding new experimental treatments, or it could mean accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more surgeries, even if you think they might help. He doesn't have any good choices right now. You have to make sure he knows you care about him first and foremost.”

The damaged girls looked at one another. The words settled and the air shifted.   

Esme balled her fists against the loose fabric of her scrubs at her thighs. “Yeah... that makes sense.”

“Levi's been through a lot, and it makes sense that he doesn't want to get his hopes up for no reason. But it's your job to try to get him well.” 

“I just wish I believed we could actually do that. Fix him.” Esme sniffled and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, straightening up resolutely. 

Becca’s eyes softened. She remembered how it felt with her first terminal patients. That absolute helplessness didn’t compare - not any more. 

The thing about being terminal - the silver lining - is foresight. People with incurable conditions have time to come to terms with dying. They have time to make amends. They have time to live the rest of their days on their terms. They have time to say goodbye. 

Unlike Danny and Bobby. 

Esme rose to her feet, wild determination in her eyes. “Levi's an amazing guy. I'm gonna help him... somehow.”  

“He is,” a small smile pricked the corners of Becca’s lips. “I'm glad he has you to look after him.” 

“Thanks, Becca. This really helped.” The standoffish intern smiled back and headed off towards her mission. 

And once again Becca was left alone in eerie silence.  

***

Stir crazy and mind bouncing too much for the walls of the small lounge to handle, Becca decided to make laps around the hospital. She spent the rest of her afternoon reacquainting herself with the wards and spending time comforting premature babies in the NICU. 

Babies. 

How can you be sad around babies? So full of life and promise... 

Becca was walking past the E.R. on her way to check on Farley when she ran into Ethan. 

His face lit up when he saw her; she looked better. She had pulled her hair back into a neater bun and there was a ghost of a smile present among her features. Looking up at him there seemed to be a glow about her, glowing in the faint way that only someone with a new lease on life could. Maybe Ethan was wrong. Maybe she did need to come back to work and face her fears head on. Maybe what was best for her was the distraction and promise of doing good. For once he hoped beyond all hope that his assessment would be proven wrong. 

The sweet coloring in his eyes sparkled and the small cracks of crow's feet peeping at the corners sent a joyful warmth throughout Becca’s body. Just the sight of him gave her enough purchase to let out a large gust of air and with it most of her reserved tension. 

Ethan. 

He was here and she was safe. 

For a fraction of a moment they both forgot they were still in the hospital. 

“I've just been with your landlord,” he said slightly softer than his normal cadence, giving them both reason to stand closer in the busy lobby.  

“How is he?” Becca shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her coat, keeping herself from reaching out to him in such a public place.  

Their eyes never strayed from one another. The sparkle in his azure’s matched the glow of her heart as she gazed at him. 

“A pain in the ass.” The sides of Ethan’s mouth perked upwards just a hair. “Medically, however, I'm waiting to see if any bacteria shows up in his cultures. If he has meningitis, we'll need to-” 

Suddenly, the ambulance bay doors burst open cutting him off. Their heads whipped towards the door where an EMT was wheeling a new patient in.  

With skilled precision the EMT rattled off. “I have a patient here. Unconscious female, 50's.” 

Becca and Ethan took a brief look around the E.R., but the few doctors on duty were busy with other urgent cases. 

“We'll take her,” he says just as Becca’s feet carried her to the gurney in an adrenaline-fueled rush.   

Unconscious woman. Shallow breaths. 

Becca’s muscle memory took over well before her brain could catch up, gently slapping the nameless woman’s deathly pale cheek. Everything happened so fast. Becca’s vision was filtered by a vignette secluding her from the world. The only thing pulling attention at the center was the woman before her. This patient barely breathing and clinging to dear life. This patient with frayed graying hair, soft creases and a pale white face with a structure she’s seen before. 

This woman’s not going to die. 

Becca wouldn’t have it. On the third slap to her boney cheek the darkened edges faded and Becca could finally see the bigger picture. 

The moment she made contact, it clicked. 

Becca’s jaw dropped as she registered the features glaring back at her. 

“Oh my god…” she whispered to herself. 

This can’t be. 

Nervously looking over her shoulder Becca called, “Ethan,” 

He raised his brows, ready to jump in and help at her command. 

Before he could take a step forward Becca quickly elaborated, “It's your mom…” 

Time kept spinning and every second this patient came closer to losing life. 

For the first time in his career Ethan was rooted to the spot. 

Of course this would be how they meet after 25 years. The universe had been playing a sick and morbid joke on him lately - Dolores, Naveen, Becca, and now the woman who was dead to him long ago. 

“Ma'am?” Becca tapped her again, trying to jostle her awake. 

Becca’s eyes further assessed the woman’s state. Blue lips and fingertips. Memories jolted through her on the backs of the numbing adrenaline of her first ever case with Ethan - 

She’s losing life. 

Just like Danny and Bobby and... 

Becca pushed the constricting feeling of paralyzation aside. This woman cannot die on her watch. Another life will not be taken from her. Regardless of who they are.   

Ethan watched Becca move frantically around that woman. The reassuring color she finally found had drained from her face completely. Without having to ask he knew how Becca was feeling, because he felt it too. 

He didn’t want to help this patient. He wanted to turn on his heels and let the powers that be take control. To let whatever power that took her away from them all those years ago to come and take her away now. He couldn’t look at her. The nerve of that woman. But Ethan Ramsey took an Oath and there was a patient who needed his expert care. 

With herculean effort Ethan shook himself out of his trance and leapt into action a split second later.  

“How's her breathing? Listen to her chest,” he instructed.  

“Shallow. Pupils are small and unresponsive…” Becca responds, moving to check their patient’s arms for any telling signs. 

And she finds one. 

Track marks. 

She bit back the gasp threatening to call Ethan’s attention. 

Ethan… 

As much as Becca wanted to protect him from this - from the deep seeded, constant pain his mother inflicts - her job came first. Becca was a doctor and her attending needed to know the diagnosis. 

“It looks like an opioid overdose. We need to wake her up.” 

She didn’t take her eyes off of his mother, willing her awake with every fibre of her fragile being. Calling up to that invisible force that spared her life only weeks ago for just one more favor. Just one more delay to the inevitable. She greedily needed her to survive. Needed his mother to open her eyes - there was no other option. 

Death would not come today.  

“Louise?” Ethan finally acknowledged the woman. His voice bellowing, pricking goosebumps on Becca’s skin. “Dammit!” 

Ethan brushed past Becca and ground his knuckles into his mother’s sternum. 

“Hnnng…” Louise whined; her eyes opened for a moment and Becca caught the same baby blues blankly staring at her then rolled back in her head. 

No.

Doe eyes wide and full of diluted terror Becca announced, “I'll get the naloxone.” 

She hurried to find a bottle of the drug in a cabinet by the nurses station, quickly preparing an injection in her unfaltering hands as she moved back towards the gurney in ten steps. Then without an ounce of hesitation, stabbed the needle into Louise’s shoulder. Ethan’s mother drew a deep, shuddering breath, eyes fluttering as she slowly pulled out of her unconscious state. 

Becca’s breath caught up with her. 

She’s alive.

That was all the assurance Ethan needed. 

“Alright, she'll make it.” Ethan pulled his rubber gloves off and stepped away from the gurney and where Becca still rooted beside it. 

“Nurse? Keep an eye on her. We're done here.” 

Becca wasn't done. She was sinking in the feelings surrounding her. She felt like she was drowning in the onslaught of waves overtaking her - waning adrenaline, fear, terror, inadequacy, remembrance. Death looked her in the face again today. She evaded him once more. 

Becca 3, Death 2. 

What quarter were they in? When will this duel finish? 

She doesn’t know. It’s an inevitable prolonging. A battle she won’t win for long. 

When is the end? 

She’s consciously terrified of losing. 

Becca’s rooted in place as the waves began rolling towards her. Everyone moves around her in fluid sweeps. She sees nothing and everything all at once. Her line of sight coated in blanched static. 

When the nurse took over and shook her out of her trance, Becca noticed Ethan promptly striding from the room without another word. This wasn’t the Ethan she knew; he would never leave a patient this soon. And this wasn’t a patient… it’s his mother… who nearly died if it wasn’t for him… 

Becca swallowed her bile of trauma and chased after him through the storm; 

“Ethan!” 

The haunting she felt in her core didn’t matter. The shadow taking tallies over her shoulder didn’t matter. None of that mattered. She had to push past it all and be strong for him now.

He was elusive. She didn’t even hear his footsteps stomping through the hall and rattling through her, not even the vibrations ricocheting off the steel foundations. His long legs couldn’t have taken him too far. Scanning the corridor, Becca noticed the door to the on-call room a second away from shutting. 

Ethan.   

She finds Ethan hunched over a cot in the empty on call room. The room is dark - only one clinical light is glowing in the far corner of the cramped room. His hands balled into tight fists, the whites of his knuckles reflecting the little light away from his crumpled face. 

She gingerly sat down beside him and ran a gentle hand over his back. 

“Ethan?” Becca whispered a few moments later “Are you alright?” 

Warm air flowed indignantly between them. 

“She does not get to do this to me.” He huffed in his deep voice laden with the sentiment of a broken child. ”She does not get to make me feel bad for her.”

“I’m sorry.” Becca couldn’t say anything louder than a whisper. Her own despair still gripped into her like a vice.  

“Don't be.” Ethan shrugged bitterly, though not enough for her to let up on her calming caresses. “This has nothing to do with me. That woman isn't anyone I know.”

She rested her head against his shoulder. They let silence hang and their minds clear. It was Becca who asked the most pressing question from their earlier observations: 

“Do you think your dad knows she’s using?” 

“...I don't know.” 

He grinds his hands further into his eye sockets, willing the newest image of that woman from his minds eye. Becca continued soothing rubs up and down his back and placed her chin on his shoulder so she could look at him more closely. 

“It’s okay to be sad,” she mutters. 

“I'm not sad. I'm... I'm…” Ethan dropped his hands and they hung between the gap of his legs. His eyes squeezed shut and she can make out the small droplets trapped against his lashes. “Angry.” 

“That's okay, too.” Her free hand moved to begin tracing nonsensical patterns over the thin, starchy fabric at his forearm. “Anything you're feeling right now is okay.”

His clouded eyes flew open. 

“I'm…” he begins to speak before pressing his lips together tightly. 

He huffed, shoving off her embrace and stands. 

“I have to get back to work.” 

“That was your mom, Ethan. She nearly died. You can take a minute. It's okay--” she began to plead. 

Becca was trying to beg him to stay. To lock the door and let them hold one another for a while. So that they can fall apart and patch one another up with unconditional affection. She needed this just as much as she knew he did. 

But Ethan didn’t give her the chance to ask, to make the all too enticing proposition as he bound across the room. He didn’t even bother to turn around; his eyes shut tightly and hand reached for the metal knob. He inhaled a deep cleansing breath; 

“No, it isn't. There are patients that need me much more than she does.” There was a finality in his tone that frightened her. 

Becca’s jaw slacked. 

Ethan didn’t leave a second for her rebuttal. For her to beg. Not even a quirk of the neck in her direction to see the matching brokenness in their eyes.  

The door shut loudly behind him, his footsteps echoed down the hall. 

She wanted to chase after Ethan. He needed her now more than ever. Another person in his life could have been gone in a swift, unforgiving instant. If the effects of seeing their patient on the brink of death was this bad for her she could only imagine what he was going through. Though Becca couldn't move, couldn’t force herself to run through the halls and break down the barriers he’s just put up sky high. He’s pushing her away again; she can feel it. 

Resigned, Becca gave up the great fight. 

When the rattling of his exit dissipated and all that reached her ears was an unnerving peace, she laid down, hugging the plastic wrapped pillow tightly to her body. It smelt like clean and disinfectant and morbidly hospital-like. She wasn’t able to lose herself in this horrid smell. She ripped off the case with as much strength as she could muster, freeing the mass-produced cushion. The squish of the mildly firm pillow through the hypoallergenic fabric wasn’t helping. It still carried all she needed to forget. Rolling to face the wall, curling into a tight ball and burrowing her face in the pillow she let out a vital, subdued scream. The damn was shattered and her emotions spiraled freely for the first time in days. 

Everything was all too much.

________________________________________

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[miekasa]

Jean would probably be eventually taken by the idea of a romantic celebration for me! Especially if he takes time to chew on it. And he’ll probably have some grand romantic secret segment that his little groomsmen helped plan. Eren would deliver an embarrassing speech, while Armin would try temper things down. Connie enables Jean, so anything planned is 10 times more cheesy and humiliating. They got the whole clown crew up front and center on-stage, and it’s definitely going to be memorable. If you’e the type, you lowkey die of embarrassment and down 3 champagne glasses in quick succession 😌 maybe a shot of tequila because these boys are embarrassing

Levi would get married in court PLEASE, he would go so far as to elope if it meant avoiding all the traditions and trivial stuff and falsities from people at work. No pre-wedding celebrations, no bachelor bullshit, no manly man things with the boys. He finds all that very useless and frankly a waste of...well everything. And whoever his fiancé is finds it cute and funny and knows him well enough...and she agrees 😭 but she probably gets drunk with Hange. And Hange gets Levi drunk. That’s the most pre-wedding thing they both do. Kuchel sulks a little because she wants an actual wedding ceremony—church, garden photo-ops, tears and all! But Kuchel’s got a reception planned and he can’t escape. Levi won’t admit it, but he loves what his mom has done because it’s an intimate celebration with only his close circle, and he treasures the little album Isabel put together, filled with secret and candid photographs throughout the ceremony and the dinner. 😌😌

Ultimately, I feel like it would depend on the setting, the context, and the characters because that’s how relationships are built 😌 like some could last 20 years and end 1 year after marriage, some are the opposite, married after 6 months and still together after 40 years. Long established healthy domestic relationships are always nice to dream of and pine over though, especially with these type of fictional men 🥰

Anon, the way you took the vision I had and put it into words so simply PLEASE!! JEAN'S!! Regardless of however long it takes for you guys to get married (and I do think it would take some time, Jean strikes me as the wait it out kind of guy), the wedding and celebration itself is definitely picturesque in the romantic sense, and very, very cheesy, but he honestly can't help it. The idea of Connie spurring on all of Jean's hopeless romantic endeavors is so cute and so very accurate omfg, and as if Eren's speech wasn't embarrassing enough, you know he would try and get you and Jean drunk by the end of the night (and himself, too).

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE ABOUT LEVI GETTING MARRIED BYEEEE 110% just getting papers signed at a courthouse if marriage the option you guys decided upon; otherwise, I can see him being perfectly content with just dating for the rest of your lives, the legality of it really has no effect on him. Truthfully, the only upsides to marriage as in institution for him are the little laws that protect you both, but even then it's not all that appealing to him. But I LOVE the idea of Kuchel still planning a little reception after awwwe and Isabel making a photobook is so fucking cute 🥺🥺Kuchel is making a speech whether you guys get married in a courthouse, or somebody’s backyard; Kuchel has things to say and she will be heard! Pictures will be taken! (Allow me to throw in one bonus: regardless of the location, Kenny is there to pop champagne, no matter how much Levi is scowling at him). Levi cannot escape, and he's totally grateful to have the physical memories after the fact.