#Alexithymia has to be playing a part in this

[chickpea0]

There's 2 categories of regression headcanons

You fully believe this character is or could be a regressor/cg/flip/something. There's bits in canon that you can point to and say that's why and there's reasons why they would specificially regress or be a caregiver! A headcanon or heartcanon.

For sillies. Feasibly, you could write ANY character to be part of the community! You don't actually think it would fit but you're either imagining it because you're fond of the character and there's just something about it or you're going through all the characters in your head an applying babification to them. I call these "regressorland headcanons" where you prioritise the regression over being true to canon.

Both are great Both are entertaining! But gosh it can be hard to get yourself to answer "do I actually think this would fit or am I just doing this for the sake of it/doing what i think could possibly apply"

[haute-pockette]

The Doctor being disabled part 2.

Eight has a bit of trouble recognizing other people using sarcasm or asking rhetorical questions. He'll take them more literally than the speaker intended, especially when a literal response would require an explanation. He gets excited about explaining things.

Aside from the memory difficulties, the anesthesia during regneration left him prone to seizures. Usually atonic or absence seizures.

Eight has synesthesia. He usually connects sounds with colors and movements and shapes. He loves to sit with a record player and watch the air dance with it. The war made him start to hate it though and the combination of input would bring him closer to his stimulation limit.

Other than the autism baked into his biodata, War doesn't have much going for him. The elixir he drank from Karn allowed him to regenerate into a body that was suited to face the war. Meaning no disabilities.

Alexithymia is giving him trouble again. It hasn't been this bad since about Three, but he struggles to identify all his grief and frustration from the war. So he compartmentalizes all his feelings and ignores them.

PTSD for poor Nine. Just look how he handled seeing a Dalek after the war. He sleeps even less than his other incarnations cause he wants to avoid nightmares.

He stims when thinking, and keeps a fidget cube or two in his pockets to fiddle with. Otherwise he'll fiddle around with his sonic and the last time he did that he accidentally broke something.

Rheumatoid arthritis makes his hands really achy after doing fine motor work. He keeps little pocket warmers to use as heat packs.

Ten does lots of fidgeting and tinkering to stim. And he hates the feeling of being uncovered, hence the full suit and trench coat. Very particular about fabrics.

ADHD, lots of impulsive decisions and doing what's interesting in the moment. He's terrible at keeping to plans, and will absolutely forget what he was doing when he walks through a doorway.

Eleven loves his verbal stims. Echolalia, humming, making popping sounds. It just feels right to fill the space with sound.

ADHD, postural sway and hyperactivity for days. Making a million plans and only gets 12% done with one before he jumps to the next. Someone put this man on a leash.

All of his floppy gesturing and swaying and falling over comes from inner ear problems not muscular problems. Raggedy man gets carsick and seasick so easily, but somehow is fine in the tardis. River thinks it's ironic.

Eleven also has synesthesia. It's a lot more varied than just sound and sight associations. But overall, a lot of things that are considered his favorites are linked to tardis blue.

Twelve is less social than his other incarnations. He likes lecturing because he can talk at people instead of to them. He doesn't have to worry about the conventions of holding eye contact or reacting properly in conversation.

Music is a huge comfort for him, especially when he gets to play the music himself instead of just listening. He can control the sound around him that way and it feels so good.

Hates his sciatica. Will insist he uses a cane only because his nerves are pinched and not because he's old.

Thirteen tries so hard to mask her interests and stims. She wants to be normal for once and feels like she's failing miserably when caught flapping or fidgeting.

Tinnitus. She blames Twelve's guitar habit for it. If it persists long or loud enough she will start humming or singing in an attempt to drown it out.

She has some back pain she also blames from her fall out of the tardis. She wears orthopedic insoles to help.

Also forgot to put in the last one, but Five absolutely has asthma. Man is wheezing after every scene he runs in.

[pikatrainer99]

Kieran is autistic and you can't change my mind!

Okay, I KNOW that I'm not the only one who holds this headcanon...but I wanted to do an analysis on Kieran anyway, especially since my best friend @sinnohanvulpix said she'd love to see me do one. Credit to her for all the screenshots used btw. The GIFs on the other hand were either found on Google Images or created by me using gifrun.com and these YouTube videos:

I did not use my own footage for this at all...as proof here's what MY character in the game looks like...he has my real name but I tried to make him look like Orange which is why he has the orange eyes 😅

(Sorry for the bad quality btw...taking pictures of my Switch screen is hard 😅)

Okay, now without further ado, let's get started with the analysis!

First, Kieran has a CLEAR special interest in Ogerpon, he admires and looks up to her, he was obsessed with the story of the ogre, he was always trying to go to her den and meet her, he has a meltdown when Ogerpon chooses the player over him, etc. Carmine even says that Kieran "really really REALLY likes the ogre" and that made me think, "Ah! Special interest!"

And then at the end of the Teal Mask he gains a new special interest in getting stronger to beat the player...and he hyperfocuses HARD on that...to the point of it being detrimental to both his physical and mental health, as he was doing nothing but training during that time...he barely ate, barely slept, just trained...and that is not healthy. It's a rare example of media showcasing a special interest being unhealthy and absolutely CONSUMING one's life, and the consequences do actually show for it.

Kieran is very introverted and doesn't know how to make friends very well. I actually think the player is his first friend considering his surprised reaction when the player says they consider him a friend, and following this, he quickly becomes a bit...too attached to the player, as he doesn't quite understand how friendships work.

(This is also such a neurodivergent way to say "I'm so happy I finally have a friend")

He also struggles socially, as is a requirement for autistic people to qualify for a diagnosis. Kieran specifically has a hard time reading social cues, he struggles with making eye contact, he has clear anxiety when talking to people as proven by his little stutter he has at times.

(This is an adorable screenshot 🥺)

He also struggles with social and emotional processing (and might have alexithymia as well due to his sudden huge outbursts of emotion), and he also struggles with initiating conversation as well, as seen when he tries to talk to Penny at the League Club. They both have no idea how to even start a conversation with each other and it's honestly pretty adorable seeing the two quiet adorkable kids trying their best to hold conversation. I get it, you two, initiating conversation is really difficult for me too.

Also the way they try to start the conversation by talking about the weather...that's really funny and ironic to me because that's what NTs do all the time. NTs always use the weather as a small-talk conversation starter but NDs like me (and Kieran and Penny too apparently) just don't get that stuff.

(These two are so neurodivergent it's great and I love them both 🥺)

Kieran also has four in-game animations that I personally see as stimming. The first one is him tapping his fist against his hip when he's thinking or nervous.

(Focus your attention to his hand here and you'll see it.)

The second one is him playing with a strand of loose hair, usually when he's nervous.

(The little nervous side glance at the player is relatable and adorable 🥺)

The third one is a more agitated stim that he only does ONCE in the entire game...and that is tapping the front of his foot on the ground. I do that myself when I'm agitated or impatient, somehow it's comforting, especially since for some reason I really like the way my shoes sound when I tap them on the ground... especially since I got my brand new Infernape-themed shoes, they sound extra satisfying because they're brand new.

(This is not the way most people tap their foot...I've never seen an NT do it like this...only other NDs such as myself and one of my brothers)

The fourth and final one is, unfortunately, a stress stim...Kieran runs his hands very fast through his hair and it also looks like, to me anyway as someone who has self-injurious stims myself, that he is digging his nails into his scalp as well while doing that. I do something similar myself, though on top of running my hands through my hair and digging my nails into my scalp, I also pull at my hair...yeah... self-injurious stims are no joke...and I'm kinda glad Kieran's autism coding brings attention to that aspect of autism...at least in my eyes as someone who does those things myself.

(He's in so much stress here, poor kid 😔)

Another aspect of autism that I'm surprised and kinda glad that Kieran exhibits as an autistic-coded character is meltdowns and shutdowns. Kieran has actual meltdowns in the game! This is something we have never seen in such an in-your-face way in any Pokémon game, and as someone who regularly has meltdowns myself, it hit me in the feels whenever I saw him having them. His first meltdown is in the Teal Mask when he steals the Teal Mask and runs off to Loyalty Plaza where he battles the player. He yells at Carmine and the player for treating him like an outcast...which is unfortunately something that happens to a lot of autistic people, myself included. Kieran screams at the player and Carmine for for lying to him while doing his stress stim, before running up to the Lousy Three's shrine and punching it, without any regard for his safety, which is also something autistic people may do during meltdowns...I know I have no regard for my safety during mine. After that's all over he gives the mask back to the player and goes home, leaving the player to talk to Carmine alone, who says that she's worried and thinks it's just "teen angst". When I saw that I was like, "...Uh, Carmine...I don't think it's just that, I think your brother is neurodivergent and really needs a lot of help and support because he's struggling a lot right now..."

His second meltdown is also in the Teal Mask, when he wants Ogerpon to go with him but Ogerpon wants to go with the player...Kieran can't process that and doesn't understand how to take Ogerpon's feelings into account, instead demanding the player to battle him for the right to be Ogerpon's partner. He collapses on all fours after being defeated again, and it gets worse...he looks like he's crying while the player battles Ogerpon in order to catch her. After the player catches her, Kieran wonders why he can't be like the player, and runs off crying, locking himself in his room for the rest of the story. The end of the Teal Mask has him doing his stress stim while being consumed by a new special interest in a very detrimental way...that interest being becoming so strong that no one can defeat him...including the player.

Kieran's third meltdown is in the Indigo Disk, after the player defeats him in the championship match. That meltdown is a full-on cutscene, where it is CLEAR to see his spiraling mental state through the visuals, and he holds his hands on his head like he has a headache while trying to process the fact that he lost to the player AGAIN (which is also relatable as someone who struggles with processing difficulties myself...it really does give headaches and it is one of the worst feelings when I just can't process what's going on around me or the emotions I feel or anything really)...he collapses to his knees and looks like he's breathing very hard as he is so upset and distressed at this loss. It is definitely one of the most heartbreaking scenes for me because this is a CLEAR CUT MELTDOWN in my eyes and it hits me in the feels like a TRUCK to watch that cutscene.

Also, in the Terapagos fight, Kieran has a bit of a shutdown for a bit, standing there frozen, thinking he's useless and can't do anything right (which is relatable as I have regular shutdowns as well, and I also constantly feel like I'm a failure of a human being who can't do anything right)...but let me tell you, when the player finally gets him to snap out of it and convinces him to help and he opens his eyes revealing that the light is back in his eyes as well as visible tears...I cheered (and teared up myself). My boy was back, and I was so happy.

(When I first saw the tears I was like, "NOOOO don't cry Kieran! 😢)

Also in the Indigo Disk, Kieran seems completely different and "no longer like his usual self". His autistic traits are (mostly) nowhere to be seen as he becomes much more serious, angry, assertive,and aggressive. I personally see this as a persona he puts on by masking, which is common for autistic people to do. I myself can't mask, but Kieran definitely seems to be masking here by putting on this persona in order to get stronger and seem stronger as a person as well. This is NOT his real self, this is a FACADE!

We see him start to drop the mask again in Area Zero when he says it seems like they're in a spy movie or something and how cool that is, but once the crack in his mask is pointed out he immediately puts it back on.

After everything in the under depths ends, and you go back to Blueberry Academy, he drops the mask again completely, and goes back to his real, adorkable, relatable self...and stays that way from then on, which made me so relieved and happy.

(This is my favorite cutscene in the entire DLC because of how adorable it is and also how neurodivergent Kieran is being here while apologizing for all he did 🥺)

In conclusion, I think Kieran is a great example of an autistic-coded character who has many relatable traits, and also does a good job showcasing some of the more "unpleasant and challenging behaviors and traits" (NTs use that terminology a lot, not me... that's how NTs unfortunately view NDs a lot of the time) of autism. I used to be afraid of him during the post-Teal Mask pre-Indigo Disk era but that was my trauma and PTSD talking (I talked about the emotional rollercoaster Kieran's story arc took me on in another post from last year after I finally worked up the courage to play the Indigo Disk...feel free to check that out too if you'd like). Now though I can wholeheartedly say that I love and appreciate Kieran a lot as a character, and his relatability is definitely a big part of why he is a big comfort character for me now (please Pokémon put him in Pokémon Masters EX, PLEASE I will literally cry from joy if he gets added to the game)!

Hope you all enjoyed this autistic person's analysis of yet ANOTHER autistic-coded character in Pokémon! I know I had A LOT to say but that just proves how relatable Kieran is, and I love him for that. Let me know what you think and if I missed anything in the comments below!

[correctproseka]

An essay on autistic Mafuyu

Coming from a very autistic person.

Mafuyu has a bunch of autism symptoms, but a lot of them can also be explained by other reasons, such as her upbring and trauma, but not all of them, so I'm going to start speaking about the explainable by other things traits and move up to "boy you're tism". (Notw that the trauma explanation can also have a pre-disposition to happen due to tism)

In the biggest "can be explained by her trauma" category, we actually have the biggest reason people headcanon her as autistic. Her Alexithymia. Which is just a fancy word for "can't recognize her own feelings". No i did not have to copy paste that name to not write it wrong. Yes, many autistic people are bad at recognizing their own feelings, me included. But we also have to note that Mafuyu absolutely hid away those feelings for a mask and because they were needs not being met, a "good girl" like her doesnt get sad or angry right? Thats what made her push down those feelings so much she just ended up.. numb. Its extremely common in depression as well as autism which made me personally not realize i was depressed until someone made me put it into words, it was similar to my normal.

Theres also her.. exquisite vocabulary, Mafuyu uses lots of fancy terms sometimes, which is very stereotypical white boy autism. But also, she was pushed books down her throat by her mom since she was a child, she was expected to be this "fancy" and "smart-sounding". So she is.

Observant. Mafuyu doesn't talk a lot, she observes. She can recognize things on others sometimes, but mostly about the environment, which can be an autism noticing a bird singing 5 blocks away or a trauma "i need to notice this or i get fucked" reaction.

Mafuyu as mentioned, tends to listen more than speak, I am personally not this kind of autism, but it exists, Mafuyu is quiet, listening and only speaking when she feels her input is needed. This can be simply a mixture of autism and trauma. She doesn't feel the need to speak, so she doesn't, why would she waste her energy like that? Smh.. but also her good girl mask is supposed to be a good listener, not much of a yapper.

Now we are starting to move onto the things she does that are less explained by trauma and more explained by tism. Which is my favorite part to analyze.

Parallel play: Mafuyu seeks comfort with being with niigo and working alongside them, she doesn't even need to be talking, as seen by the kitty event where she kept just listening to them on earphones, she just wants to be near her people and gets calmed down by being with them.

Bluntness. As an autistic person i am extremely blunt in wrong situations, and can easily not recognize its the wrong situation. Per example Mafuyu's "why dont you imagine you're gonna get killed if you dont do it in half an hour" or all the times she points something out to Ena and gets a scream back because it was the wrong time? Mafuyu says what she thinks and when out of the mask she really. Really. Lacks a filter, because she doesn't know when or what she's supposed to speak or not

She.. kind of needs people to say the obvious? Sometimes she doesnt realize whats going on, why she's reacting in a way, so and so. One of the reasons Mizuki had to tell her it's ok to run away. Mafuyu never considered it. It wasn't obvious for her like it would be for a lot of people, she's kind of very oblivious in emotional matters like that, and needs someone (coughs usually Mizuki) to explain something to her

There's probably more but im doing this in like 15 minutes.

Plus, all in all, she makes autistic people like me really relate to her, even if they can be mostly explained by trauma doesnt mean she doesn't show those signs or that they're only because of that, even the mask she uses is a known neurodivergent thing.

[roakkaliha]

KOITO YUU and ALEXITHYMIA

What is Alexithymia?

To put it simply, alexithymia is a neuropsychological phenomenon in which a person has difficulties identifying and describing emotions in oneself or others. ‘Disorders of affect regulation: alexithymia in medical and psychiatric illness’ describes four main components that alexithymia is traditionally defined by:

 difficulty identifying feelings (DIF)

difficulty describing feelings to other people (DDF)

a stimulus-bound, externally oriented thinking style (EOT)

constricted imaginal processes (IMP)*

*note that IMP has been largely left out of research studies and assessment tools for various reasons.

A person with alexithymia may often have difficulties distinguishing between emotions and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal, for example, they can tell they’re anxious due to the physical symptoms that follow anxiety rather than feeling anxious as an emotion. This makes specifically positive emotions difficult to identify, as there are rarely such physical symptoms. This can make it feel like they’re constantly unhappy, or just emotionally dull.

People with alexithymia can sometimes seem as though they go through life ‘as robots’, thinking things through from a logical point of view with very little emotional input. They often have trouble describing emotions in themselves and others outside of adjectives like ‘happy’ and ‘unhappy’. Many people with alexithymia are often described as indecisive, tending to defer to someone else when asked or going by what they’ve deemed the more socially acceptable option.

Who is Koito Yuu?

Koito Yuu is the main protagonist of the 2010’s manga and anime series Bloom Into You (aka Yagate Kimi Ni Naru) by Nakatani Nio. She’s a first year high school girl who joins the student council, where she meets the school heartthrob Nanami Touko.

Yuu overhears Touko rejecting a male classmate’s love confession, and seeks her out for advice on turning down a boy who confessed to her at the end of junior high. The reason Yuu is drawn to Touko is her claiming that she has no intentions of going out with anyone, due to her inability to feel anything towards her suitors, something that Yuu relates to.

A central part of Yuu’s character is her perceived inability to fall in love, and how she eventually wants to fall in love with Touko regardless. She comes to the conclusion that she simply cannot fall in love after the confession she received at the end of junior high made her feel nothing, as opposed to the feelings she was expecting to feel as described by all the shoujo manga she reads.

When Touko reveals that she’s fallen in love with Yuu, Yuu agrees to keep letting Touko love her and indulging her with kissing and cuddling, despite her supposed inability to love Touko back and not being a couple.

How does Alexithymia show in Yuu’s character?

Over the course of the series it’s shown that Yuu has issues identifying positive emotions in herself, but seems capable of doing so with some more negative emotions. She openly displays and talks about discomfort regarding public speaking and being on stage for the play, meaning that she can identify being uncomfortable well. She seems to feel some level of jealousy, though she never appears to verbalize that. She also frequently complains about Touko.

The reason why her being able to identify discomfort specifically is important, is because she shows none of that regarding her ‘indulging’ Touko via kissing and cuddling. When Touko unexpectedly kisses her for the first time, Yuu specifically points out that she feels unbothered by it (and questions why). She first comes to the conclusion that it’s because of her curiosity about kissing, and ultimately realizes that she does find some solace in how it makes her feel no longer alone. She shows some level of attraction to Touko, even prior to Touko’s confession.

The only times Yuu is uncomfortable with kissing Touko (when Touko asks Yuu to be the one to kiss her after the sports festival and before the play on the rooftop), she brings it up, and her discomfort is not caused by the kiss itself but rather what it represents in those specific moments. She admits that she doesn’t dislike kissing Touko.

Yuu seems to really start realizing her feelings for Touko when Touko talks to her about her self hatred, and how she can’t love someone who loves what she hates. She’s not only uncomfortable with how Touko sees and talks about herself, but with the idea of losing Touko and their not-relationship. Discomfort is what helps her figure out her feelings towards Touko, in a way, rather than directly feeling her love for her.

It’s shown that other characters seem to be better at reading Yuu’s emotions better than she can, Maki (another first year, who is completely averse to the idea of being in a romantic relationship himself, but finds them fascinating to watch develop for others) in particular appears to be very good at this. He frequently brings up how Touko is obviously very important to Yuu, and how much she clearly cares for her. He openly disagrees with Yuu’s notion that they're the same, and calls her out on this. Maki’s words are seemingly the last push Yuu needs to begin a relationship with Touko.

Natsuki (Yuu’s childhood friend) mentions that during their time in the softball team, Yuu was the only one to never cry when they lost a match, seeming largely unaffected by it. Yuu seemed to enjoy softball and did her best on the team, but it wasn’t her passion like it was for Natsuki. She says that she wanted to ask Yuu to join her on the softball team in her school, but refrained from doing so because she knew Yuu would say yes, even if it wasn’t what she really wanted. She wanted Yuu to find something that she was actually passionate about. Natsuki describes Yuu as someone who rarely complains in earnest, and has never actually seen her get as worked up as she does talking about Touko, which she says is a sign that Touko and the student council must be very important to her.

IN CONCLUSION:

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

YOI meta: The mechanics of reigniting your love for skating with the help of a childhood friend and a gay love song

During my latest rewatch of Yuri!!!, the missing pieces of why Yuuri chose, of all of Viktor’s programmes, Stammi Vicino (aka Stay By My Side And Never Leave) to get his love for skating back and what part Yuuko plays in the scene he skates it fell into place. Spoiler: there are some beautiful symmetries, be they unintended or by design.

Of course, Stammi Vicino is Viktor’s current free programme; picking it seems convenient at first glance. However, apart from obvious plot reasons, Yuuri didn't choose this routine on a whim.

If this were the entire point, Yuuri could have chosen a programme he and Yuuko copied together as kids—something they enjoyed tremendously and still have fond memories of. Would make more sense than skating one of Viktor's recent programmes, wouldn’t it?

A recurring theme in Yuri!!! is the skaters’ artistic expression through a piece of music that resonates with them, and this holds even more true for Yuuri, whose entire character arc features his struggles to understand and voice his feelings and how he improves his ability to express them on the ice (the alexithymia is strong in this one, hehe).

As discussed at length, Stammi Vicino is a gay love song (this post explains how you can recognise the gayness*), and there's absolutely no way Yuuri doesn’t know this. As an avid watcher of figure skating and taking the subtle sports commentary in Yuri!!! into account, i.e. Morooka saying that this programme brings out a new side in Viktor** (curiously, the same wording describes Yuuri's performance On Love: Eros), the entire skating community knows by now.

Let’s take a closer look at the lines we see Yuuri skate to (check this post for lyrics and translations):

Con una spada vorrei tagliare/With a sword I wish I could cut Quelle gole che cantano d'amore/Those throats singing about love Vorrei serrar nel gelo le mani /I wish I could seal in the cold the hands Che esprimono quei versi d'ardente passione/That portray those verses of burning passion

The bitterness in these lines mirrors the conscious and subconscious layers of Yuuri’s current struggle quite brilliantly, and both are linked to Viktor:

1) Yuuri’s frustration about his career: His love for skating is hanging by a thread, the results of his last two competitions smothered his passion for the sport, retirement is a tempting option, and he missed his chance to meet his idol (according to his memory). The poor boy has hit rock bottom and returned home. To him, it must seem absurd that so many people around him are hyped about skating and celebrate him as a star while all Yuuri sees is the shitty season he just had. And as if that wasn’t enough, they don’t tire of referring to Viktor like “But Viktor would do this, look Viktor is on TV…” (looking at you Minako in particular), which is not the kind of reminder he needs right now.

2) Very literally unrequited yearning for love or, more precisely, gay love. At this point in the story, Yuuri is far from being in love with Viktor, but seeing him sets Yuuri into an instant swoon,

and, after drowning his anxiety with champagne, he hit on Viktor at the banquet and made him fall for him, not to forget this totally-not-subtle display of physical attraction

(I'd love to know what was going on in Viktor's head at that moment lol)

It hardly can get more obvious than that.

This is the second set of lyrics Yuuri skates to:

Stammi vicino/Stay close to me Non te ne andare/Don’t go Ho paura di perderti/I’m afraid of losing you

Le tue mani, le tue gambe/Your hands, your legs Le mie mani, le mie gambe/My hands, my legs I battiti del cuore/The heartbeats Si fondono tra loro/Are fusing together

(Both Yuuri and Viktor skate the parts of the programme that reveal their strengths as skaters and their current situation to the audience. Interestingly, we don't see Viktor, who remembers the banquet, skate to these intimate and pleading lyrics, but Yuuri.)

Again, there are two layers:

1) Keep pursuing Viktor as a competitor: Ever since Yuuri saw Viktor skate for the first time, he emulated Viktor, worked hard to become like him/his equal, and wanted to compete against him. However, to continue pursuing this goal, Yuuri needs his love for skating back. The better part of his life revolved around this, and he's desperate to preserve it.

2) Finding his soulmate: These lines above refer to Aristophanes’ soulmate theory from Plato’s Symposium, which appeared in the context of Yuri!!! before. For instance, Kubo-sensei herself referred to Yuuri and Viktor as soulmates. Here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia:

people in love say they feel "whole" when they have found their love-partner. […] in primal times people had doubled bodies, with faces and limbs turned away from one another […] these original people were very powerful. […] Zeus […] decided to cripple them by chopping them in half, in effect separating each entity's two bodies. Ever since that time, people run around saying they are looking for their other half because they are really trying to recover their primal nature. […] when two people who were separated from each other find each other, they never again want to be separated.

Sounds a lot like Viktuuri and “Stay by my side and never leave”, right?

All this makes me actually wonder whether Yuuri's subconscious mind remembers the banquet and had a part in his choice.

Besides being a gay love story, Stammi Vicino reflects Yuuri’s and Viktor’s current situation as athletes or, more precisely, their loss of passion for their sport. Yuuri’s feelings for Viktor and his love for the ice are closely intertwined, whereas Viktor is drawn to Yuuri because of his beautiful skating, which ultimately reignites his own passion. Both can't be without one another, and both cannot turn their back on skating. We call everything on the ice love, indeed.

Now on to the last set of lyrics:

Ora sono pronto/Now I’m ready

Yuuri is not yet done. He has fought through the slump and battled his depression. A part of him refuses to bid his desire to skate on the same ice as Viktor again goodbye for good. He still yearns to become Viktor's equal, maybe even surpass him, although he cannot yet admit this to himself. And he returned to where it all started: his home rink.

And that’s when Yuuko enters the equation.

While Minako suggested trying figure skating to Yuuri, Yuuko plays an active part in Yuuri becoming ambitious about the sport and pursuing a career in it.

Yuuko introduced Yuuri to Viktor. Together, they fangirled over Viktor, watched competitions, devoured every piece of news about him, and copied his programmes.

Yuuko protected Yuuri, she encouraged Yuuri, and she believed in him. She never made him feel bad about himself or blamed him for his failures. She doesn't patronise him. Ever wondered why she’s the Madonna of Ice Castle? That’s why.

Not her

But her

(Yes, there’s Christian symbolism in Yuri!!!)

Yuuko is an integral part of Yuuri's support system. He looks up to her, he trusts her, and she knows how he feels about Viktor and shares his crush,

so it doesn't come as a surprise that he shows her his version of Stammi Vicino. In a world where everyone celebrates Yuuri while he perceives himself as a loser, she is a safe space, someone whose approval means something to him. His performance is, to some extent, about her, too.

Because Yuuko introduced Yuuri to Viktor, because she believed in him, he was motivated to pursue a career in figure skating and chase Viktor as a competitor. If he can revive these memories, he might revive his love for skating. And he invites her to share this love with him and be a part of his journey as a skater again.

Yuuri is good at conveying his feelings through skating but sucks at verbalising them. The press conference of the Worlds' medallists that interrupts his conversation with Yuuko hints at what he cannot get across in words. In real-time, Viktor would sit on the kiss and cry and wait for his result (the press conference is 15-20 minutes after the event, actually). Yet the cuts in this scene suggest both happen simultaneously, and that choice isn't random.

Characters supplementing meta-information for other characters' thoughts and emotions through a POV switch is a frequently used technique in Yuri!!! We see this a lot during the competitions, and episode 1 follows the same pattern. Both Yuuri and Viktor are confronted with the loss of their passion and its impact on their future. While it's implied that Viktor cannot let down his guard, Yuuri feels safe enough around Yuuko to try.

(I cannot decide which of these precious boys looks more miserable)

Until recently, Yuuko's role in this episode was a bit obscure to me. Her detailed introduction suggests a more significant role throughout the series, but she fades into the background after three episodes. What's the point in showing a detailed childhood montage of her and Yuuri obsessing over Viktor when she's a minor character with only little screen time, especially since the creators had to boil down their script to the relevant bits in order to fit it into 12 episodes? It's because she plays a significant role in setting the story in motion.

Twelve years ago, Yuuko helped Yuuri pursue his dream through her undying support and their mutual fangirling over Viktor. Now that Yuuri has returned to the start, she takes over her old role one more time by watching Yuuri's very intimate performance of Stammi Vicino. And that's just the beginning. While she still gives Yuuri the support he needs to carry on, her daughters take over the active part of her former task: acquainting Yuuri with Viktor—with the result of making Yuuri's dream come true and bringing him and Viktor together for real.

If you enjoy my meta posts, please consider giving my blog a follow or checking out my works on AO3(link in bio). You will find the results of my meta musings in there!

*OP and I have different interpretations of the lyrics, but they don't contradict each other imho

**this wording is from the corrected subs in the Blu-ray version

[nessie-gun]

We can all agree that the Legends are mostly ND right? Here's some of my personal headcanons of Legends that may be autistic. Under a read more because I have many thoughts.

Bangalore - Her special interests are weaponry and warfare, which lends to why she's so interested in relaying information on the weapons she pings. She is a much less verbal person than some of her peers, and has a fairly flat affect. I believe she has alexithymia, which may have contributed to her relationship fallout with Loba.

Bloodhound - They relate to animals better than people, like their ravens, and take a special interest in hunting. Being in nature is regulating to them. I feel like they'd be avoidant of strong tastes, and would prefer deep pressure from those they trust. They're not terribly verbal, but will stim by making bird calls. They also stim by petting Artur and their other bird. (I named her Faida lol)

Catalyst - With a considerably flatter aspect than some, she is much more verbal than the prior two Legends. That doesn't stop her from being awkward in conversation. She carries a few worry stones in her pocket to stim with. She also shuffles her tarot deck to stim. She has a strong sense of justice, and devotes her time to causes that she deems worthy.

Crypto - Much like Hound and Bangalore, he is less verbal than many of the other Legends. He prefers to be alone, is a night owl, and tends to be understimulated rather than overstimulated. Because of this, he seeks out strong flavors, loud music, and fabrics that may be stiffer or scratchier. His favorite stims would be the sound of a keyboard clicking and rocking his desk chair back and forth.

Loba - Loba is a bit of an outlier on the list, as she's AuDHD rather than strictly autistic. She stims by playing with parts of Rev that she's collected after dismantling him, finding regulation in revenge. She's easily distractable, but needs the routine in order to not completely meltdown. She is not great at reading social cues, has a hard time making friends, and is often cited as being narcissistic and overly sensitive, diagnoses often given to women where autism is overlooked. Edit: thank you @the-mechanica for reminding me that Loba stims with her hair and fan too.

Vantage - Vantage loves infodumping about everything and anything, especially about bats or other animals. She doesn't get people, she's pushy, and she's entirely inquisitive. She would love stimming by rocking back and forth on her heels, and by petting Echo. Unlike Hound, who also shares an interest in animals and hunting, Vantage seeks people out, trying to make friends with everyone she can. She is very verbal and has a great memory.

-

It's important to note that my headcanons are not indicative of all autistic people. Autism exists on a spectrum, after all. These are just my thoughts. Let me know what you think!

[angelicalacrimae]

why strawberry crepe cookie is very autistic coded

by: yours truly, an autistic person who happens to like the pink cookie a lot! 🌸

the chart above is what i will be using as a base for some of the behaviors they express. though i'm letting you guys know beforehand that autism looks different in everyone (obviously) and that some traits might be influenced by traumatic events in your early years of life (like what happens with Crepe.)

most of the information has been taken from canon events and stories, and some other things are just based on my own interpretation of their dialogue and the few things we know about their backstory!

we will go in parts, describing each tab in as much detail as i possibly can ...

that being said, sit the fuck down, grab some snacks, and listen to me ramble about the little pink cookie, because that's what autism made ME do. some people solve math problems, i talk about my little pink thing while i rotate them around in my head like a microwave.

before i start: spoiler warning for pretty much everything regarding Strawberry Crepe Cookie and cookie odyssey.

🌸🌸🌸🌸

i. fixations -

the fixations tab is the easiest thing to explain from this mess, since it's most of their character: robotics!Crepe shows a high interest in wafflebots! being pretty much one of the few things they talk about freely (and something they're very passionate about as a whole) and being something that takes up most of their day and routine.

there are many parts where they start rambling about the bots, being most noticeable during the cookie odyssey (they have many of these moments during their parts of the story! 🎶)

(they also seem to be messy as mentioned by Clotted Cream Cookie at some point in odyssey, unless it comes to their tools! which is. something i relate to deeply lmao. i find organizing my clothes and things pretty boring, but i enjoy organizing my art supplies for example. relaxing activities ~ i'm not sure if it IS part of a fixation but i still think it deserves a spot.)

🌸🌸🌸

ii. noise sensitivity -

this is also easy to explain: they don't like noise. one of their "default phrases" is. just that. them complaining about the noise (and mentioning that their bots are more quiet, once again tying things back to their special interest/hyperfixation.)

and this new comment from the spring 2023 event.

🌸🌸🌸

iii. aggression -

while also having canon arguments to back up this one, it can't really be used as a way to say "oh Crepe is autistic". why? because crepe has gone through trauma and was exposed to violence as a fairly young kid, specially since it wasn't really explained to them that what they did was wrong.

they are aggressive, having threatened others before ... but is it an autistic thing, or just a trauma response of some sort? i can't really tell, honestly. so i'm going to replace it with:

🦄🌸 the inability to properly identify their own emotions, something i've struggled with since i was just a little guy !!!! 🌸🦄

(or, in proper terms, i think it's called alexithymia! if this is wrong i will correct myself.)

when Pure Vanilla mentioned the time period they were alone (or with DE) they responded with: "well ... it WAS boring!"

boring, a word that seems to be quite common in their vocabulary and mine (especially as a kid, we're talking a 5-8 y/o child who struggled to properly identify their emotions and was pretty disconnected from them)

i remember always complaining of boredom, and i sometimes still mix boredom with sadness, understimulation ... you call it.

and the fact that they used the word "boring" to describe a (definitely) traumatic period of their life is. quite interesting to me!

were they truly bored, or were they sad? anxious? scared ...?

and then, once again, in the spring 2023 event, we get more of that:

it happens after the group of kids they're playing with don't listen to their attempts of communicating their discomfort and stress over the situation they're in, Crepe was trying to communicate that they weren't happy with the noise they were making and the fact that everyone was walking in different directions. (and one of the kids was being particularly hyperactive too)

so, they lashed out.

pretty self-explanatory. Crepe also isn't very good at expressing and controlling their negative emotions.

so yeah! back to the ACTUAL chart now ...

🌸🌸🌸

iv. social difficulty -

yeah, another obvious one. they struggle with socializing and seem to prefer the company of their robots and small crowds. (or older people, they seem to be a lot more nicer around Espresso. like in the christmas 2022 story)

not much to say, their socializing skills may also be affected by their trauma. (they were frozen for years as a child, abandoned by their village and then by Dark Enchantress, leading to a pretty lonely life before the events of chapter 9 and odyssey)

but i do think they're genuinely just an awkward little kid, and that's fine! they're learning at their own pace as i've mentioned in another post :)

🌸🌸🌸

v. speech pattern -

... it may be me, but their way of speaking is different of the way kids around their age express themselves usually, so i say they got an abnormal speech pattern.

they use big words and know what they mean, end of the speech tab. i don't know how a normal person speaks so i can't really say "this was supposed to be abnormal speech? but I speak like that!"

🌸🌸🌸

vi. depression / anxiety -

the depression and anxiety tab are mainly based on headcanons i branched out based on their backstory, but they may be enforced by their crunchy dreams story and their fortune: "you're not alone: love surrounds you."

it's probably not related to autism, though. it's probably because of their trauma and abandonment issues. either way it's there.

to need reassuring in something like this means that they probably cling compulsively to certain thoughts/beliefs.

which, if i remember correctly, is a thing that sometimes happens with autistic people according to other autistic people. it's like a weird fixation of sorts, i'm not 100% sure ...

the only time(s) i've seen them have some sort of anxious behavior is during their battle speech, where they panic after losing to Gingerbrave's team.

then during the spring event of 2023, where they say that they "can't think straight" because of the noise Pancake Cookie is making.

🌸🌸🌸

i'm not sure if they got any tics and fidgets, i haven't noticed anything that can classify as such, so it's one of the lowest tabs.

same with the abnormal posture. and if they got it is probably because of the being frozen thing weakening their body to an extent.

🌸🌸🌸

in conclusion! after tumblr deleted part of my post from my drafts ... _(:3」 ∠)_

i wholeheartedly believe Crepe might be an autistic coded character, whether or not is something the writers intended to do isn't clear to me, but they show SO many traits that i wouldn't be surprised if they canonically were! most of the things i mentioned are also based from my own experience and the bits i can remember form my own childhood as an undiagnosed kid, but yeah!

i hope you enjoyed this painfully long rant <3 i might make one eventually about how i think Crepe might also be physically disabled (implied), but for now, have this.

okay bye i can't post more pictures because the app sucks.

[threadsun]

WHITNEY ENJOYER HERE I OWE YOU MY LIFE AAAAAAAAA! I followed for SDJ but oh my god tender Whitney content is so good even if it's only 'tender' like a bruise. I'm so excited, I wanna hear your Whitney headcanons and more about Izzy!!! I always play a transfem PC when romancing Whitney and he gets hilariously into the forcefem like buddy you don't need to go to all the effort I'm already there 🧸

!!!! I'm glad!!! I wanna post more DoL fic tbh, especially because Izzy is my special lady who I love so so much and she deserves all the hot boyfriends >:3c At some point I might post her outfits and stats and stuff.... I love her she's an intersex transfem and she deserves the world!!

As for Whitney headcanons, I'll give ya a lil taste~

He's never been in love before, so when he starts to feel love he thinks he's getting sick. He gets mad about it

He actually hates his hairstyle, but his parents hate it even more so he keeps it the way it is just to spite them

Part of Whitney's aversion to traditional romance is because of his parents. They put up a whole romantic front while arguing in private where only he could hear, so classic romance just leaves him thinking about his parents' shitty relationship

He has alexithymia! He can't identify his own emotions and often confuses them for things like nausea and pain rather than feelings, especially if they're bad ones

He's good at maths if he puts his mind to it, he just chooses not to. River gets so annoyed with him because he knows Whitney has potential but can't get him to do his work

Despite what he wants everyone to believe, he's a switch! Not in public, of course. No one can ever see a hint of him submitting to someone. But in private, he'll let himself submit to someone he fully trusts and loves, and he enjoys it!

[happyk44]

WHO IS CORAL

Coral is a PJO OC of mine. She is the daughter of Neptune, the Roman sibly to Percy, as Jason is to Thalia, and Hazel is to Nico. She has SZPD (not caused by trauma) to represent the concept that Neptune is the cold, emotionless, and uncaring sea compared to Poseidon, who would represent how the ocean is volatile and emotional (hence why I have also made jokes pertaining to Percy having BPD).

She's an interesting character to write - she's a very go with the flow person but lacks any of the carefree vibes you would expected from someone like that due to the severity of her symptoms stemming from the SZPD. She developed from a few asks I got about how I would represent the children of Neptune - in that the original version of Neptune appears to have been based in the concept of rain and freshwater, before being merged with Poseidon to become god of the sea.

She represents the stormy ocean side of Neptune that is implied through PJO canon. She and Percy met shortly after he left the Wolf House. She misinterpreted his Poseidon nature to mean he was a freshwater fry, and accidentally broke his brain when forcing him to embrace his storm side.

Other fun facts:

She grew up in a single parent home, and her favourite person in the world is her mom

She has met Neptune twice - once as a baby, which she does not recall but has pictures and video of, and the second time before the wolves came

The wolves and Lupa did not scare her

She's never been to Camp Jupiter (she dipped part of the way through the journey from the Wolf House because the idea of being under other people's thumb and having to work with other people every day did not appeal)

She met Poseidon briefly at a beach

She is a nomad, and goes from place to place, working odd jobs and doing whatever she walks into

She can and will murder you if you bother her too much, she doesn't have the emotional capacity to do it straight away, but if it continues, she will blow you up from the inside

She can't mask for shit, but she's fairly good at mimicry

Like my headcanon of Percy, she is mostly amoral and follows the morality of her mom. Unlike Percy, she will shred those morals on a whim and feel absolutely no which way about it

She likes napping and cats and daydreaming and making things with her hands - she doesn't understand liking things due to her severe alexithymia, but assumes these are things she likes because they're what she gravitates to most

Her anhedonia caused her to lose a lot of weight once she was on her own, so her mom had her set daily timers to remember to eat. Because of this, she keeps a lot of snacks on her person

Most of her daydreams are her daily experiences adapted into a storyline she's been fiddling with since she was 7

Hope that helps! If you're still curious, you can read more about her in my "daughters of neptune" tag, plural because before Coral, I was working on a story featuring a different daughter of Neptune called Melpomene, chosen because Jason and Percy are hero names, and Thalia is a muse, so I was like, yeah let's follow this trend. Her namesake is the muse of tragedy and lyre playing. This was an intentional choice, lol.

[grizzlyofthesea]

Dumb Vocaloid Headcanons, Part 2: Crypton Future Media/Piapro

In general

Super futuristic androids built for singing and performing

No combat abilities like the Internet Co. Vocaloids, but they look more convincingly human than the male Poids and CUL (about on par with GUMI and Lily)

Live in a mobile cyber-home since they frequently need to travel for concerts

Have a giant stash/vault of all the things their fans have given them

Getting a bit anxious about moving to Piapro Studio, but generally optimistic about it

Close with the Zero-G and Internet Co. Vocaloids

MEIKO

The fun mom friend

Meant to be 30-ish years old

Confident and outgoing

Enjoys gardening and going on long hikes

Has regular lunch outings with Mew and Chika

Will do the "hold my beer/sake/whatever I'm currently drinking" thing to show off the most unexpected, random skills

A weepy/emotional drunk

Cishet ally

Unofficially married to KAITO

KAITO

The weird but cool dad friend

About two years younger than MEIKO, both in software release and in physical age

Huge history nerd

Favorite ice cream flavor is Blue Moon

Snuggles with his scarf like a teddy bear when he's sleeping

BFFs with Gackpo and Kiyoteru

Hates waking up before 2:00 p.m.

Pansexual

Unofficially married to MEIKO

Hatsune Miku

Super sweet and kind

Loves performing with her friends more than anything

Tries her best at everything

Puts on a more stoic, "refined" persona when wearing her Append gear just because it makes her feel cool

Was so proud of Teto becoming a SynthV vocal that she cried a little bit

Also super proud of GUMI kind of becoming the new face of VOCALOID now that Crypton has stepped away

Can be a bit too concerned with helping others; has a habit of overstepping boundaries

Confused by people declaring her the creator of Minecraft and Harry Potter, but rolls with it

Aroace; romance-favorable and sex-neutral

Kagamine Rin

Len's (slightly older) twin sister

Argues with Len over truly stupid things, but they love each other in the end

Exchanges fashion tips with Una

Loves cooking and baking; has nearly perfected her recipe for orange chicken

Super strong and athletic, with her favorite sport being volleyball

Adrenaline junkie; especially loves roller coasters

Her road roller privileges have been revoked after engaging in too much tomfoolery.

Genderfae, but still very much in the "egg" phase

Kagamine Len

Rin's (slightly younger) twin brother

Argues with Rin over truly stupid things, but they love each other in the end

Runs a gaming channel on YouTube called xXxBananaVobana07xXx

Knows how to play the keytar, the theramin, and the Otamatone

The sole driver of the Kagamine road roller after Rin's last incident

Had a parkour obsession at one point

Has sort of adopted Oliver as his little brother

Cishet ally

Has a slight fanboy crush on Sachiko but is really interested in SF-A2 miki

Megurine Luka

Autistic and has alexithymia

Writes poetry in her free time; said poetry is usually dark/brooding with vivid imagery

Wants to learn how to skateboard

Sometimes does 3:00 a.m. fridge raids. Always 3:00 a.m.

Tuna is her favorite, but she loves most seafood...except for scallops.

Doesn't smile much outside of performances, but when she does, you know she means it

Cares for Miku, Rin, and Len as younger siblings (even though she was released after them)

Gave the other Cryptonloids rudimentary lessons in English before they got their English voicebanks

Biromantic asexual; not currently interested in anyone

[unlucky-tears]

Yan sim rewrite !!

♡

Part 1: Ayano Aishi

Or…Haruka Aishi!

Design compared to original:

Name meaning: Her name is now changed to Haruka to fit her character more! It means eternity and permanence. Like she was to be with Senpai/Taro for all eternity and keep him in her arms and permanence like she would keep these rivals out of Senpai’s reach permanently. According to her Kanji in her name (晴香) it can also mean spring which is the season the game is set in.

Character description:

For as long as she could remember she always felt different. And don’t take that lightly. Haruka was scary in the young children’s eyes, was it perhaps the way she looked at them? Was it the way she spoke? Or was it the way she acted. While she didn’t care too much about this her father was severely worried about that…for whatever reason. Her father was very protective and always made sure to tell her how to act around others. Soon enough to fix her attitude she became a sweet and innocent girl in the eyes of others. It’s only in high school when she met a boy did she start to care how she ACTUALLY appeared. She was in love and there was no denying it, his charming and mysterious personality just made her fall head over heels! But when she realised there would be obstacles in the way, she knew she would have to deal with them accordingly. But in each one that comes along, her cutesy exterior cracks more and more with each girl she eliminates.

My reasons:

For this we call her Ayano since this is Yandere Dev’s ‘character’.

In Ayano’s video on how she talks about her childhood, Ayano monologues about her life, explaining that she has always felt "hollow" and "empty" which is already a bad take for her character. It shows that Yandere Dev didn’t know what to do with her personality, and she suddenly gets emotions over a boy? I could consider it okay if she had Alexithymia, the trouble of expressing or feeling emotions but Yandere Dev was just going for an anime trope and not an actual character which is really irritating.

For my rewrite I decided to make her psychopathic(it’s genetic you’ll see when I talk about her parents) but due to her fathers worry she’d hide this with a cute and innocent facade. This will be very useful for gameplay and the story as it gives you an advantage, to be popular and praised instead of joining clubs. While you can still join them and still have those things to help you with certain tasks it shouldn’t be what makes Ayano popular. Also yes she does talk to Senpai and she doesn’t creepily follow him around, she wants to actually have a chance with him after all.

So…if Info Chan important for Ayano?

No. She isn’t. She isn’t even in this rewrite cause personally I think she ruins the games whole thing, trying to win Senpai on your own. Callimara explains this well but I’ll explain it as well.

Removing her from the rewrite will make the player and Ayano less like a puppet. If the player actually explores the school on their own they could figure it out by themselves without going through a whole gaming tutorial. I like the actual tutorial in the canon game with the drama play the Drama club are doing with a murder plan. But the rest needs to be purely up to the player. I think it would be more enjoyable and interesting that way. Of course you’d still have obstacles when Ayano is so popular but that’s a challenge the player would have to deal with and navigate in the game.

[3khaos]

PROMPT LIST

DIALOGUE PROMPTS:

1)“i know every inch you your body and i know for a fact that scar wasn’t there before.”

2)“the worst part of all of this is that i still love you.”

3)“i had nowhere else to go.”

4)“i thought i lost you.”

5)“you’re my family”

6)”we’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

7)”Don’t cover your mouth, i wanna hear you.”

8)”i’ll always choose you.”

9)”don’t worry about me.”

10)”just play along.”

11)”i’m fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten.”

12)”forever would be pretty cool with you.”

13)”i can tell you’ve been crying.”

14)”most people find me intimidating.”

15)”is it hot in here or is it just you?”

16)”make me”

WORD PROMPTS:

1)hiraeth; the feeling of being homesick for a home one is not able to return to.

2)lacuna; a blank space or a missing part.

3)alexithymia; the inability to express your feelings

4)saudade; a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost.

5)petrichor; the smell of earth after rain.

6)metanoia; the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life.

7)atelophobia; the fear of imperfection. the fear of never being good enough.

8)eccedentesiast; someone who hides pain behind a smile.

9)selcouth; unfamiliar, rare, strange, and yet marvellous.

10)cingulomania; a strong desire to hold a person in your arms.

11)dustychiphobia; the fear of hurting someone.

12)laconic; saying much in few words.

13)raconteur; a talented storyteller.

14)heliophilia; desire to stay in the sun.

15)nepenthe; something that can make you forget grief or suffering.

16)eleutheromania; an intense and irresistible desire for freedom.

[q29v]

*hands you a megaphone* favorite alkaloid hcs go

SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT BUT I NEEDED TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS.

ok so i'm a HUGE fan of the alkaloid dorm. like i miss that era so so bad so let me start with this headcanon. that dorm was probably so chaotic like could you imagine. you have hiiro who probably snores like a beast and wakes up at 5am, aira who probably goes to sleep at 4am and wakes up at 12pm, mayoi who sleeps like once a week due to insomnia and tatsumi who..... honestly i feel like his sleep schedule is pretty normal actually. they totally eat breakfasts and dinners like actual families too like look me in the eyes and tell me it's not true. i feel like tatsumi is the one who makes most (and the best) breakfasts, but others often help him too! especially hiiro since he wakes up pretty early.

another hc it's pretty basic and do forgive me for that but GOOD GODDDDD FLOWER SHOP OWNERS TATSUMAYO. i know i know but i need domestic ttmy even more than i need to breathe okay

AIRA LOOOOOVES PLAYING WITH MAYO'S HAIR he loves braiding it and stuff!!!!! and i understand him so well mayo's hair looks so so so nice ...................... love it so much

they're all autistic btw. and more precisely mayo is selectively mute (projecting on my faaaveeeessss :333), aira's basically that one kid in your class who's TOTALLY autistic but no one cares enough to get him diagnosed, hiiro has alexithymia and tatsumi's veeery good at masking

I DON'T WANNA MAKE THIS POST TOO LONG SO I'LL MAKE A PART 2 IN THE FUTURE THANK YOU

[soullikethesea]

I didn't have the energy to write about it before, but I did... something.

I researched the shiver symptom and I'm pretty sure it's a conversion disorder. I couldn't find much information or resources about it, but one said that it's common in dissociative disorders, abuse survivors, alexithymia, and females. Woohoo, I check all the boxes... 😵‍💫 Anyway, most of that info is not super helpful, but the alexithymia gave me the idea to try to represent the feeling in other ways. That is usually how I deal with it: drawing, music, collages, pretend play, etc.

So I did. And really soon I was at the trigger memory. I decided to do parts work with it and it turned into a rescue mission.

It took a lot to pull it off, but I did it. And the shivers seem to have reduced!!! But I also think it has to do with general high levels of stress (work, ahem). I remember that I had other conversion symptoms when I was in high school, like fainting, hearing that would just give out on some moments, vision that would stop working, etc. That went away when I had therapy for a while.

I'm a little bit sad that I did the work alone (again), but I also know that this is usually how I get things done. It's just too scary to do with another person present. It needs too much focus on the inside.

It still feels shaky inside, so I don't know if it will last. But I sent the voice therapist a message about the symptoms and said that I want to wait with having our next appointment until I've talked about it with my therapist, and possibly have processed the next bit of trauma. (Since it's so hard for me to successfully process things, that may be a really high goal). I'm still glad that I cancelled this week's appointment and that I was honest with her.

The voice therapist actually replied right away, saying that maybe it's good that I'm getting at the core of something and that she already thought more was going on. She also said she's open to discussing/talking with my therapist. Soooo... that's pretty good, right?

Now that it's all sinking in, I mostly feel sad that my body always has to make things so extreme. But apparently that's what it takes before I listen to it. :/

[eyeciclez]

How are autism and emotional intelligence related (if they are)?

Low emotional intelligence is undoubtedly a common autism symptom. That's why you usually have to take an EQ test (at least where I'm from) during your assessment.

The reason an autistic person may score low on an EQ test can be related to alexithymia and/or low empathy. I don't think we know for sure why these are such common symptoms, but it's a well-documented fact that they are.

For some autistic people, though, it's mostly difficult to “feel” what others are feeling, and/or to respond emotionally in a manner most people would find appropriate. Cognitive empathy is also something you can learn, that's why even autistic people with a low EQ can become great psychologists, for example.

And another thing almost no one mentions when it comes to this: it's hard to develop emotional intelligence if you were lonely in your childhood and youth. I don't think a low EQ has to be something purely innate, and that mistreatment and isolation at the very least often play a part as well. It's a vicious circle. Developing social skills, too, is a process, and not everyone even had the chance to that, unfortunately.