#Alfred printed out the love square one passive aggressively

[icantkeepplantsalive]

My favorite headcannon-

So we all agree that Bernard would have a popular YouTube channel or Reddit where he posts his theory’s, right?

When Tim is pissed off at his family he makes up his own theory’s about them and tells Bernard- and Bernard obsesses and it spirals and soon everyone’s pissed off EXCEPT Tim

And even if he doesn’t beleive Tim or doesn’t post about it the bats all live in fear that he WILL and Tim revels in the chaos

Dick- *pisses Tim off for the third time this week because he’s bored*

Tim- *on the phone with Dick* Hey babe?

Bernard- Yes love?

Tim- you know, I’ve been thinking about it for a while- do you think Nightwing has a stunt double?

Bernard- what?

Dick- WHAT?!

Tim- I mean, we’ve all seen him do all those flips and tricks on the rooftop, but I’ve never seen it while he’s actually fighting.

Dick- TIM

Tim- What if there’s two? One who parkours and does all the tricks and one who actually fights crime?

Bernard- okay, but why would they do that?

Tim- maybe it’s a way to suprise criminals? If they think Nightwings showing off downtown they’ll feel safe doing somthing shifty on the other side of town, and then BAM- the other one shows up! Or another Bat! It’s a way to lil criminals into a false sense of security, Nightwing can’t actually do any of those tricks! It’s a body double!

Bernard- IT ALL MAKES SENSE!!

Dick- TIMOTHY JACKSON

(It spirals from their. Bernard posts a video and every hero ever sends a link of it to Dick. ((Bernard beleives Nightwings body double is Richard Grayson- who works part time at Gothams Gymnasium teaching acrobatics- who ELSE knows how to do a quadruple flip and he always seems to disappear when somthing bass going on in Gotham(((Tim CHOKES when Bernard tells him))) but he doesn’t post that part to protect him)) )

Jason- exists to piss of Tim*

Tim- stares him dead in the eye, pulls out his phone and calls his boyfriend*

Bernard- hey-

Tim- Bernard! You’ll never guess what I saw!

Bernard- wha-

Tim- Red Hood and Nightwing were kissing! And it looked like Red Hood proposed! They must’ve been together for years!

Bernard- oh my god! It makes so much sense!!

Bernard- later that night- what happened to you?

Tim- still grinning- I got kneecapped by Hood

Bernard- aww, maybe Nightwing said no

Damian- admit your faults, Drake, you are unworthy and unwanted-

Tim- *wordlessly pulls out his phone and calls Bernard

Bernard- Hey babe!

Tim- so I have a theory- you know how everyone thinks there have been like- five, six robins?

Bernard- yeaaaaah?

Tim- what if there’s just the one? And Batman de-ages them when they get to old? I mean, he does have access to alien tech, right

Bernard- they all look different?

Tim- side effect of alien tech knowledgey maybe? Maybe that’s why they keep getting SHORTER

Damian- accept your demise, Drake! *activly trying to kill Tim

Tim- *laughing

Bernard-*hangs up

Even after Bernard KNOWS they kee doing it, and Bernard does it way more often then Tim. Specifically when they’re being mean to his boyfriend. “Damian needed to be put in his place! He had no right to say that to you!” “Bruce KNOWS your swamped, he can handle his own shit or I will make him.” “If dick doesn’t want to SAY sorry than I will MAKE him sorry”

Bernard’s favorite thing to do is pair the boy boys together or with different hero’s or criminals. His biggest hit was an hour long video explaining the long history and love square between Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Batman, and Superman he made when Bruce made Tim cry

**it’s all in good fun and everybody loves each other in my world because I ship the Batboysxhappinessandoverfourhoursofsleep