To followers I didn't have this time last year, in order to understand me, you must understand that to this day the song I think was most robbed in all history of Eurovision is this:
"Allez Ola Olé" (French pronunciation: [ale ola ole], Come on! Ola! Olé!) is a song in French, sung by French singer Jessy Matador, who represented France in the 2010 Eurovision Song Contest. The song was selected internally and was announced on February 24, 2010. The song was intended to be used by French broadcaster France Télévisions as "The Summer Hit of 2010" and also to promote the 2010 FIFA World Cup, and the title of the song refers to the album "Music of the World Cup". : Allez! Ola! Ole! was released in 1998 to coincide with the 1998 World Cup in France.
Matador was selected internally by France Télévisions to represent France in the competition and was announced as the selected artist on February 19, 2010, after rumors emerged about the selection of Christophe Willem, David Guetta and Emmanuel Moire for the role. On February 24th, Matador's song was announced and released online on May 10th. As of June 2020, it recorded over 61 million views on YouTube, making it one of the most viewed videos on the official Eurovision channel.
Albania: Carry Me in Your Dreams vs It's All About You
Andorra: La teva decisió (Get a Life)
Armenia: Jan Jan vs Apricot Stone
Azerbaijan: Always vs Drip Drop
Belarus: Eyes That Never Lie vs Butterflies
Belgium: Copycat vs Me and My Guitar
Bosnia and Herzegovina: Bistra voda vs Thunder and Lightning
Bulgaria: Illusion vs Angel si ti
Croatia: Lijepa Tena vs Lako je sve
Cyprus: Firefly vs Life Looks Better in Spring
Czechia: Aven Romale
Denmark: Believe Again vs In a Moment like This
Estonia: Rändajad vs Siren
Finland: Lose Control vs Työlki ellää
France: Et s'il fallait le faire vs Allez Ola Olé
Georgia: We Don't Wanna Put In vs Shine (I'm still mad EBU forced them to withdraw in 2009)
Germany: Miss Kiss Kiss Bang vs Satellite
Greece: This Is Our Night vs Opa
Hungary: Dance with Me
Iceland: Is It True? vs Je ne sais quoi
Ireland: Et Cetera vs It's for You
Israel: There Must Be Another Way vs Milim
Latvia: Probka vs What For?
Lithuania: Love vs Eastern European Funk
Malta: What If We vs My Dream
Moldova: Hora din Moldova vs Run Away
Montenegro: Just Get Out of My Life
Netherlands: Shine vs Ik ben verliefd (Sha-la-lie)
North Macedonia: Nešto što kje ostane vs Jas ja imam silata
Norway: Fairytale vs My Heart Is Yours
Poland: I Don't Wanna Leave vs Legenda
Portugal: Todas as ruas do amor vs Há dias assim
Romania: The Balkan Girls vs Playing with Fire
Russia: Mamo vs Lost and Forgotten
Serbia: Cipela vs Ovo je Balkan
Slovakia: Let tmou vs Horehronie
Slovenia: Love Symphony vs Narodnozabavni rock
Spain: La noche es para mi vs Algo pequeñito
Sweden: La Voix vs This Is My Life
Switzerland: The Highest Heights vs Il pleut de l'or
Türkiye: Düm Tek Tek vs We Could Be the Same
Ukraine: Be My Valentine! (Anti-Crisis Girl) vs Sweet People
United Kingdom: It's My Time vs That Sounds Good to Me
During the preshow I posited that "Spearwhil” would be the Rasmussen but as it turned out-
I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NIGHT
No, Tom NOT NOW!!! I’m in the middle of my sentence. 🙄 Wait your turn
Anyway, it turned out that ‘the Rasmussen’ really ought to be called ‘the KEiiNO’. Observe this Michal-esque rise up the scoreboard:
OutSzpak’ing Spzak. 😍 Let’s be honest though, it was-
I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NI-
- COMPLETELY DESERVED TOO. Fred was especially great, who delivered EPIC yoik solo that I am sure won KEiiNO the televote on the spot. 😍
This particularly pleases me because I was worried Tom & Alexandra (who are both very good performers) would take the spotlight away from Fred, but no did the weakest link pre-show turned not only turn out to be the strongest one, but he was arguable the single strongest performer of finale night. SO PROUD OF THEM ANGELS. 😍 Let us all sing along
*cough* I said, “let us all sing along”
...
(k Tom, now is ur cue)
I HEAR YOU CALLING ME AT NIIIIIGHT
THE NORTHERN LIGHTS ARE DANCING
HÅ LA HEI LOI LÅ
A lot of the criticism from KEiiNO comes from your typical value-seekers who can only enjoy themselves in public if their shallow trash comes coated in a thick layer of novelty gimmicks and Deep Meaning, so they don’t have to admit to others and themselves than they tune in to have fun, like everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with novelty gimmicks & the like, but applying that standard to everything is taking it a tad too far. Sometimes, simplicity is key and that’s exactly what KEiiNO were: unpretentious, highly-addictive EDM adorned with epic yoiking. 😍
"Tomorrow” is, to use Gianluca’s own words, a curious delight: I always, always, always forget about it. Then I rewatch 2013 as I do at least once per year, and each time it’s like a Céline Dion song IT’S ALL COMING BACK TO ME and I’m in love again. 😍 “Tomorrow” is such a clever twist of the typical love song by telling the story from the THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE by an all-knowing narrator. It’s world’s merriest audiobook. 😍
Naturally, this works because Gianluca has TONS of charisma. He’s one of the most magnetic humans ever on a Eurovision Stage?
It’s hard to believe that he ages like the rest of us, I’d assume he was birthed fully formed and clothed, at age thirteen, in whatever rests at the end of a Neverlandian rainbow.
“Tomorrow” could’ve so easily been one of those “Annoyingly Positive songs”, but because he’s so relentlessly jolly, Gianluca injects “Tomorrow” with limitless happy energy, enough to melt the polar icecaps. I am happy that I don’t revisit Gianluca between watches, as I do with others, because each time I rediscover him it’s like finding a four-leaf-clover. 🍀
IMA LI MLADI? IMA LI LYUDI?
TSYALO SELO DOIDE
PEITE NE SE BOITE
Let us continue with one of the most glorious trainwrecks EVER in Eurovision. 😍 Of course, this being the GOD-tier the severity of wreckage (aka the Sennek Factor) is even higher than normal. In the case of “Samo shampioni” the messiness began DURING THE PRESELECTIONS. 😍 Okay you may not remember or know this backstory, so allow me to enlighten you:
Okay, so *initially* BNT selected Elitsa & Stoyan and for some reason decided to hold an NF: They introduced: first a terrible rapbomination, second a boring ethnoballad (think Iriao + percussion) and then pulled out an experimental fusion of ethnic bagpipes, polyphonic singing and dubstep, which Elitsa openly pointed as her favourite. 😍 Obviously, the audience had to choose for the latter? NOPE The audience chose the iriao-esque ballad 😍 and in one of the most hilariously open displays of riggage, LESS THAN A DAY AFTER THE NF (and after Elitsa allegedly threw a huge backstage temper tantrum threatening to withdraw LMFAO), BNT produced a statement that was all like “well. we can’t send “Kismet”. 🤓 You see... it has come under our attention that... the songwriter from Argentina (lmao) can’t agree to the copyright terms we demanded of him 🤓but that’s fine because it means we can send “SAMO SHAMPIONI” instead 😊‘ <3333333333333333333333456789 who the fuck is Christer Björkman, fucking NOBODY that’s who.
And of course, once “Samo Shampioni” finally got to Malmö it was an utter disaster. 😍 I say "disaster” in the best meaning of the word though. I LOVE when countries showcase their musical traditions, but Elitsa and Stoyan do it so aggressively, BLASTING the unassuming viewer with loud af bagpipe noises, following it up with a menuet of polyphony, a clarion of “AAAAAAAAAAAA-YUUUU” and a finale of dubstep and mayumaniacal percussion. “Samo Sampioni” was loud, abrasive, a clamour of ethnic noise but by the same token such a catchy, infectuous, delightful fucking BOP. No surprise it got jurypwned but it was well worth the effort. 😍
Welcome to the Dicedrome, ladies and gentlemen: Introducing the man who put Israel back on the map after four straight NQs. But Nadav is more than just a Hebrew Tom Dice.
For starters, “Golden boy” is also the first time we were ever subjected to Doron Medalie (and also Imri Ziv but lol Imri), who is at his BEST here (apart from that moment when he brusquely shoved Cesár out of the way as if he were Krisse Salminen lmfao 😍): “Golden boy” has everything I could want in an uptempo party song: Drama, catchy rhythm, limitless fun, chanting, dancing and an absolutely ridiculous premise: sixteen year old boy gets wasted after fruitlessly flirting with all sorts of femfolk on his first night out. Yes, THIS
is sixteen years old. 😍 But what I mostly love about “Golden boy” is the humour. Intentional humour is really hard to get right and “Golden boy” NAILS it for me. From self-deprecating one-liners, to that choreography to b-roll material like the sound effect of beer being pourn as Nadav gets further into the song, to of course the epic finale of “THREE MINUTES! BYE :selfie”. 😍
A wild ride which, as serendipity demands, is topped off by Nadav kicking off a strong Israeli streak that indeed ENDS up with Israel winning the contest (with a worse Doron composition :-/) and him showing us around in Tel Aviv. Funny how life works sometimes, huh?
Did you know “Matador” is Eurospeak for “SLAYER”? 😉
Speaking of EPIC party songs, I was looking “Allez Ola Olé” up for my usual ranking purposes and this song.. is one of the most successful Eurovision songs EVER? I am not surprised, because “Allez olla olé” OWNS, but at the same time random 12th placers becoming massive off-season hits <3
(yes I am aware it’s because it was the French “Waka Waka” but that’s even more hilar, actually. What on earth is it doing in Eurovision <3)
Anyway, “Allez ola olé” definitely DESERVES all praise it can get. ETERNAL THORN IN THE SIDE OF THE EUROVISION ELITISTS <3 it is of course the anti-Proud, being all rhythm and no story, literally having no purpose other than making people dance (which I LOVE doing to “Allez Ola Olé”... within the confines of my bedroom, with the curtains closed because I have the dancing skills of drunk JarJar Binks) and honestly, what a spectacle. 😍
It features, in order of ascending awesomeness, male twerking (gender equality <3)
witty references to sex (which I don’t mind here because it’s clearly consentual, and therefore, healthy, ICKOLAS)
“Je sens le truc monter/..😏 ALLEEEEZ 😱”.
DAM BA DAM BA DAM BA DAM DAM
A fucking HAKA????? (btw, the female backing doing a salute is also lowkey great <3)
Actually, TWO HAKA’S????
This song may not have relevant meaning but my weave flew all the way to French Polynesia. “Allez, ola, olé” is nothing less than fucking AWESOME.
In this update, we pay our final respects to Norway, Malta and France: Read more about them below:
NORWAY
I don’t feel like this chart reflects my true feelings on Norway, because I like them a LOT more than what their average implies. They’re largely just dragged down by a few bad entries in the first half of the decade. Norway in the second half of this decade has shown a lot of promise and they are on my list of countries that I expect to win in the upcoming decade.
MALTA
Malta are a very average Eurovision country imo. As you can see, they very often select songs that are not worth giving a fuck about, but conversely the few times that they do, they’re usually excellent happy-go-lucky gems. I could see them winning if they find that rare 1-in-50 entry (by one of their jesc winners preferably), but only if they keep internally selecting their entrant because lmao MES(s)C <3
FRANCE
This is a really good chart for France and roughly what I expected. Not my favourite country but solidly upper tier. France really have reinvented themselves post 2016 and are reaping the rewards with generally higher results. I hope it gets topped off with another win soon. They deserve it.
Lots of soccer been going on lately between the Euro Cup and the Gold Cup, so how's about we take a gander at Columbia Records' own official soundtrack to the 1998 World Cup?
Oh no, it's really dreadful and corny; and not even in a fun, ironic way! The turn-of-the-century craze to pair pop sensibilities with tribal, Latin, and world music was running full boar in '98 and I guess Columbia thought matching that manufactured "global" sound to the global game would've been a good idea, but it wasn't! It came off extremely gaudy, inauthentic, and monotonous. Give me my hour back!
I was tagged by @christian-lundgaard to put my favorite playlist on shuffle and put the first ten songs, and I’m going to use my on repeat playlist from spotify so you all can see just how chaotic my listening habits are.
The King of Wishful Thinking - Go West
Band of Brothers Suite - London Metropolitan Orchestra
Dance Hall Days - Wang Chung
The Big Surf - Monster Rally
Allez Ola Olé - Jessy Matador
Sunny - Boney M.
Not About You - Haiku Hands
Daisy - Ashnikko
Mr. Motivator - IDLES
Haanikaarak Bapu - Sarwar Khan, Sartaz Khan Barna
I mean, we’ve got 80s bops, film scores, lofi, french eurovision entries, disco, pop, rap, punk, and bollywood. I really have no explanation for how I manage to listen to all these genres.
I’m tagging @myimaginarywonderland and @beetle-kate
23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up
Jessy Matador - Allez Ola OléNever fails! It's just. It's pure joy. I have to move to it. I cannot believe it didn't do better in Eurovision. It's a fucking crime it didn't do better and I still seethe about it to this day. But mainly I just dance about singing.
Maximo Park - Apply Some PressureOriginal video because I'm edgy like that and I LOVED THEM BEFORE THEY RE-RELEASED IT. Anyway it makes me dance and jump and shout the words in an exaggerated North-East accent and do the moves and I got them to play it in a club in Newcastle at 3am on my friend's hen-do and it was IMMENSE.(did you get so excited you kissed the bride, Jo? I may have got so excited I kissed the bride)
Art Brut - Modern ArtMODERN ART. MAKES ME. WANT TO ROCK OUT! That's all.
30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)
Nic Jones - The Lakes of ShilinAn underrated ballad about two good friends going skinny-dipping in inadvisable circumstances. Also Nic Jones's arrangement, as ever, SLAPS (as I believe the youths say).
Kate Bush - Never Be MineWant to pine? Want to ache? Want to YEARN? Kate is here to help. I love the original recording and I love the remaster (which is not true of everything on Director's Cut).
let me preface this by saying that france and i do not vibe often in this contest and i have weird taste when it comes to them, so this is the worst list you’ll ever see
Allez Ola Olé (2010)
Roi (2019)
Moustache (2014) (DESERVED BETTER AND THIS IS THE HILL I WILL DIE ON)
L'enfer et moi (2013)
L'amour à la française (2007) (listen. this is iconic and i love it unironically)