#Also including his electricity bill if he left any lights on

[anguiiee]

Do yall think Simons water bill is fucked up because he got teleported to the time room during a shower and didn't return to Ooo until the end of F&C

[bomberqueen17]

house remodel updates

I forget where we left off but like so the thing is of course nobody was here over the weekend. on saturday we took dude's mom to the airport and then moved ourselves into her house to house- and cat-sit. yes we're cat-sitting our own cat. listen she can't be in our house it makes sense.

she has been extremely confused by this. she saw the Dreaded Suitcases and hid while Skin-Grammy packed up and left, and then hours later came slinking out in confusion. why were we there instead??? What is this about??

She has mostly adjusted but has been intermittently clingy and invisible, after the manner of cats. But anyway where are we on the kitchen remodel??

Well we got a new guy in the cast of characters. Jim, having shaved his beard somewhat in advance of his upcoming vacation to visit his mom in Florida, arrived in good spirits, and introduced me to John, a youngish guy who is doing the electrical work. John cheerfully explained to me that he was going to be adding up to six circuits to the house, and I had been forewarned that he was also going to be adding hard-wired smoke detectors on two floors since I didn't have any and that's illegal. (The house sold privately, it hasn't been inspected since it was built in 1950, so are we surprised? No!) They weren't included in the contract/quote but are required for the work to be approved by the town, but we weren't surprised by this. I'll pay john separately. For the record it's only like $3-400 to have that kind of thing installed, I was worried it'd be more but he was like nah. I'll bill ya.

A bit later, as I was looking around at the various outlights and light fixtures, I said "oh wait the microwave shelf. there's supposed to be some kind of microwave shelf? somewhere?" and neither Jim nor John knew anything about this. And I was like I remember about this because when we first started looking into remodeling this kitchen we went somewhere and they were kind of snooty and when I said "can we just put the microwave on a shelf" because it takes up most of my counterspace they acted like this was illegal.

"What," John said, disbelieving. "I put in outlets for that like... all the time. It's not only legal it's also super normal."

"They acted like I was a stone-cold freak," I said, "and then they tried to convince me that the only option was a drawer microwave."

John physically recoiled, and made a warding gesture with his fingers like a cross. "That's what I said," I told him, "it was the worst thing I'd ever seen!"

"Those things are the worst," he said, and I felt vindicated. "Naw ma'am. I'll put your microwave on a shelf. And it's fine if we can't find the blueprints, I'll just put the wire up and leave extra, and we can get it to the right spot once we know." (Jim was leafing through the plans and trying to find the shelf, but he'd handed over the detailed plans to his colleague Max, who was going to be covering for his vacation, so he couldn't find the relevant sheet.)

So, John worked on Monday and Tuesday, and I checked in on Tuesday midmorning after I dropped Dude off at the airport. (He has a work trip and it's terrible timing and also he doesn't want to go. He made me promise to eat real human food at regular intervals, which is something I have historically struggled with when unattended. I have been a good girl about this I promise. I went to the grocery store and bought myself a series of treats, which i have been deploying strategically as rewards for having properly fed myself.)

The bad news on Tuesday was that john had gotten all the wires approximately run, but in order to hook them up to the circuit box, was going to need to run them along a wall that I had thought was safely out of range and thus had used to pile up a great deal of the Assorted Nonsense in the basement. Hear me out, when this work was supposed to happen in February, one of the things that was going to happen was that I was going to sort through much of the Basement Nonsense and either discard it, file it neatly, or donate it somewhere that could use it (in the rare case of there being like, anything useful in those piles). But the accelerated timeline meant I had no time for that and had in fact only piled things higher.

Jim informed me of this very kindly, and said it wasn't a hurry since it was going to all get hooked up at the end. But like. I mean. It's not like there's infinite time. So that's what I figured I'd work on Wednesday while I was waiting for the plumber and inspectors.

So, cue Wednesday. I got here like 8:30 and around 8:45 a random car carefully reversed itself into my driveway and then parked, and I thought, this must be Max. And sure enough. Jim's coworker/substitute, a personable guy of like, freaking twenty something, in tennis shoes instead of work boots. But he did seem to know what he was doing, and had been well-briefed on the project. So I went down into the basement and hauled things around (and did have time to sort and discard some things, though not much), and he tacked up more insulation and got ready for the electrical inspector. I thought I was doing to have to talk to the guy but I did not, he came and went and I thought I heard someone talking but by the time I came up it was just Max, tacking down the last insulation he'd had unsecured so they could see the wiring.

After noon the plumber arrived, yet another addition to the dramatis personae: Kyle, another young guy (mayyybe thirty), who works for a guy named Don I guess. I showed him my gas dryer that I was going to ask if he could hook up and he was like oh that will be so easy, yes, when I come back I can do that. So then I showed him my laundry sink faucet that had just started leaking and he was like i also can replace that for very few dollars and very little time. So I am well-pleased. My washing machine is leaking too but I think I'm on my own to sort that one out.

Kyle asked if I was sticking around and I was planning to, so here I am, in the other room, listening to them saw things. I guess I'm getting a whole new sink drain assembly. And he's got to saw out some things to get a water box for the ice maker in the fridge. Why not.

So that's how that's going. The big excitement is that now that the electrical inspection is done and the plumbing is underway, Max and an unnamed assistant who showed up and was even younger are going to start hanging drywall. I'm so excited to have an insulated kitchen with drywall, instead of the uninsulated plaster that radiated cold in winter.

I'd normally be preoccupied with historic preservation but the thing is, this house isn't old enough for that to really matter. No fear, there'll still be some plaster panels in this house when all this is done. I'd prefer if all the exterior walls were insulated though.........

Baby steps. Maybe we'll get there.

Oh one funny little side story-- John was like "oh let me get your number in case i have questions or whatever" and so I started reciting my phone number and he pulled out a sharpie and wrote my number right on the wall of my kitchen. I mean of course it was a wall that was stripped to the studs so he was writing on the paper backing of the reverse side of the plaster panels of my attic staircase, but it was funny-- but it makes sense, now that's there for anyone who works on this project, but then when the project is done it will be gone.

But of course on Monday night when Dude came over to get some things to pack for his work trip he texted me a photo of my phone number scrawled on the kitchen wall and was like "???"

well, i thought it was pretty funny.

[augustslippedavvay]

i was made for lovin’ you, baby (eddie munson)

summary: you're working your way through college at a dingy bar in indianapolis. one of your coworkers asks you to switch shifts, and you'd never in a million years have been able to guess who plays guitar in the tuesday/thursday band.

author's note: in this eddie graduates on time in '84 like he was supposed to; reader graduates in '86, so this takes place in like. '87? so much canon divergence i am so sorry but i really just wanted to write a sweet, self-indulgent college au eddie munson fanfic bc he deserves the entire world and that includes a smokin hot bartender who gives him free drinks and listens to all of his favorite bands

side note i have no one to beta read for me so pls excuse any grammatical/spelling errors okay love you byeeeee

pairing: eddie munson x reader word count: 3.8k warnings: alternate universe: canon divergence, college au, no spoilers, fluff, some serious flirting, quite a bit of making out

also!!!!! this was originally posted to AO3 under the user starspngledman. this is my work. please do not repost without permission!!!

The sound of a stool scraping across the floor down the bar pulls you from your thoughts. Your mouth opens slightly in disbelief when you see who’s occupying that stool. You stop polishing the glass you have in your hand and set it down, afraid you’ll drop it. 

It’s Eddie. Fucking. Munson.

You thought you’d successfully left Hawkins behind when you moved away, but it would appear not. You swallow around the nervous lump that’s appeared in your throat and ready yourself to serve him.

He probably won’t even remember who I am, you think, closing your eyes for a beat before walking to the end of the bar, stopping to stand in front of where he’s sitting with his head bowed. 

“What can I get you?”

Eddie brings his gaze up from his hand to your eyes and immediately stops fidgeting with the ring on his pinkie finger. He squints.

“Do I know you from somewhere?”

You blanch, then plaster on a tentative smile. “Did you go to Hawkins High School?”

You can see the gears that have been shifting in Eddie’s head finally lock into place and he makes some sort of gesture with his hands that you don’t quite understand.

“Yes! You were in band, right?” 

You mime playing the trumpet and Eddie cackles, “Oh, yeah, I remember you,” pointing at you and nodding before holding out his hand for you to shake. “Munson. Eddie. In case you forgot.”

“I can promise you I did not,” you say, taking his hand. “Pretty hard to forget the dungeon master with the mullet who made a habit of standing on lunch tables and personifying his electric guitar. I was a grade or two below you, I think.”

Eddie smiles as if lost in nostalgic thought and shakes his head. He drops your hand. “What are you doing here?”

“I work here,” you say, gesturing towards yourself, behind the bar. 

Eddie snorts. “No, no, I mean in Indianapolis. Didn’t you have, like, big city dreams?”

“Indianapolis is the capital of Indiana?” You offer, raising an eyebrow.

“Like, New York- or LA-sized dreams. Everyone thought you’d be on the cover of magazines, soon enough.”

You open your mouth to answer him, but a customer down the bar smacks his hand on the countertop to get your attention, gesturing to the empty bottle in front of him, and you glare at him for a moment before looking back at Eddie. “Hold that thought, Munson.”

Eddie smirks and watches you walk away. “What a small world,” he calls to you while you grab a bottle of Bud Light out of the icebox under the bar. You open the bottle and slide it down the bar to the old man, who snatches it up and slaps a five dollar bill down on the counter, grumbling obscenities in your direction before walking off to loiter near the dart board. You snatch one more bottle of the same out of the icebox and pop it open, too, tossing the cap into the trash.

“Sure is,” you say, sauntering back over to him and setting the bottle directly in front of Eddie. He gives you a cheeky look and takes a long pull, giving an exaggerated ahhh once he’s done. 

“God, they sure do treat you well here, huh?”

“More or less. So, what are you doing in Indianapolis, then?”

“Nah, we were still talking about you,” Eddie says, wagging his finger in your direction. He pushes one hand through his long, curly hair, swiping it out of his eyes, and takes another sip of his beer.

You scrunch your nose at him and fold your arms. You shrug. “Sure, yeah, I was gonna head out to LA and try to make it big, but my parents threatened to cut me off if I didn’t go to college right out of high school. My mom went to the university here and she still knows people, so she pulled some strings and got me admitted, early decision. I’m majoring in English. It’s not bad, but it’s not showbiz, so.”

Eddie’s quiet for a moment, before he whistles and shakes his head. “That’s fucked up.”

You shrug once more, trying to come across as apathetic as possible, but then you break composure and nod. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

“Showbiz?” He circles back, cocking his head in your direction. “Are you an actor?”

“Kind of,” you say, squinting. “I want to be.”

Eddie nods, glancing up and down, from the top of your head to your waist, sizing you up. “I can see it.”

His gaze makes you feel all warm in a way you haven’t felt in a long time. You change the subject. “What are you doing in Indy, Munson?”

“My band and I moved out here to try to make it big, coincidentally.” He uses his thumb to gesture over his shoulder toward the makeshift stage at the back of the bar, then takes one more long sip from his beer and sets it down in front of himself, the empty bottle clanging against the counter. He rubs his other thumb up and down the neck of the bottle, absentmindedly, his ring singing against the glass, and your gaze can’t help but follow it. “A friend of a friend got us this gig here just a few months ago. Every Tuesday and Thursday, and every other Friday.” 

“No wonder I’ve never seen you here before,” you say, tapping the bartop with your pointer finger. “I typically work Wednesdays and Sundays. The slow nights. Janine asked me to pick this up for her last minute.”

“Sounds like fate to me,” Eddie says, whistling. 

“You thought you were going to make it big in Indianapolis, Indiana?”

“It was supposed to just be one stop before we eventually moved out to California, but now we’re too broke, so we’re pretty much stuck here. Not so bad now that I know you’re here, too, though.”

You roll your eyes. “You flirting with me, Munson?”

His whole face lights up. “Dunno. You want me to be flirting with you?”

Shaking your head, you pick his empty bottle up and stash it in the trash bag under the bar. “You said y’all play here every Tuesday and Thursday?”

“And every other Friday,” Eddie says, nodding. 

“I’ll have to see if one of the other bartenders will trade shifts with me. You have to be better than the band they have in here during my shifts.”

“You haven’t even heard us play yet. You might end up eating your words.” He grins from ear to ear and stands, pressing his palms flat against the counter. “What do I owe you for the beer, sunshine?”

You blush again at the term of endearment, then shake your head. “On the house.”

“‘On the house’? Do you treat every miscreant you went to high school with who comes through your bar this nice?”

You ignore him. “But you gotta promise to play me a song.”

“Play you a song? What if I play all the songs for you, instead?”

“Nah - you gotta play me a song.”

Eddie bites his tongue, the tip sticking out between his lips just slightly, and he nods. “Alright. We’ll play you a song. What do you like?”

“The Clash,” you say, matching his stance, placing your palms on the counter, the tips of your fingers almost touching his. “KISS, Def Leppard, Motley Crue. Any of their stuff will do.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Eddie says, slapping the bartop lightly and backing off before turning on his heel. You shake your head, and as if he can sense it, he calls back, “And I’ll see if I can sweet talk Janine into giving you her Tuesday shift permanently.”

“Make it Friday, too. I want the tips.”

Eddie snorts and nods, looking back over his shoulder. “You got it, sunshine.”

That night, his band plays an encore of “Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard to all nine patrons in the bar, and Eddie’s eyes never leave yours the entire song.

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

“When are you gonna let me take you out?”

You scrunch your eyebrows, looking at Eddie over the tap your fist is currently curled around. “What? Why? Have you asked? Did I miss that?”

“No, no,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “This is me asking. So, what do you say? You wanna go out with me?”

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that, Eddie,” you tut, sucking your teeth. You hand the full glass off to the customer to Eddie’s left. “You think you can just flirt with me once and then ask me out, and that I’ll say yes right off the bat?”

Eddie purses his lips, then cocks his head, looking up past you, feigning deep thought, before he nods fervently. “Yeah, yeah, I do.”

“Sorry, pal,” you say, but it’s with a smile. He puts both hands over his heart. “Don’t make me regret letting Janine pawn tonight’s shift off to me, too.”

“You wound me.”

“What can I say? I have standards. I gotta hand it to you, though, Munson; you have so much more game than you ever did in high school.”

His jaw drops and he barks out a laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You smirk and cross your arms. “Eddie. You enthusiastically played Dungeons & Dragons - you recruited for Dungeons & Dragons - at a school whose idea of fun was piling into the gym every weekend to watch a game where they toss balls into laundry baskets. I know the girls weren’t exactly fawning over you. But hey,” you say, holding a hand out to him when his mouth opens even further, “it’s not like the guys were fawning over me, either!”

“Uh, I don’t know where you were back then, but yeah, they were. They, like, really were.”

“Stop trying to deflect,” you chastise. “All I’m saying is that you’re much more suave than you were when I knew you before. You’ve always been charming, but now it’s like…”

You trail off and, after seeing the look on Eddie’s face, decide you don’t want to finish that thought. 

“It’s like what, huh?” His self-satisfied expression makes you groan. “And you think I’m charming?”

“Begrudgingly, yes.”

“So why not go out with me?”

You scoff. You check the clock above the front door. “Your set starts soon, Munson.”

Eddie smiles softly at you. “Who’s deflecting now?”

Rolling your eyes, you reach over the bar and gently shove him, urging him off his stool. “Go on.”

“I’m gonna get you to go out with me,” Eddie says, standing and backing off the stool. He points at you. “Mark my words.”

“Mark my words? What are you, a D&D villain?”

“Sometimes!” He turns his back to you and strides over to the makeshift stage, shedding his leather jacket. You toss your head back and pinch the bridge of your nose, then look up again. Eddie’s eyes find yours as he loops his guitar strap around his shoulder and starts to tune it.

“Are you wearing a crop top, Munson?”

“Yeah,” Eddie calls. “You like it?”

Your face turns a few shades darker and Eddie grins.

“Knew you would. Wore it for you, doll.”

“I hate you,” you say.

“No you don’t,” he teases. “You like me.”

You almost wish you could say he wasn’t right. Then again, you don’t.

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

It’s just after 5 o’clock on a Tuesday and you’re starting to serve the regulars that tend to roll in at open on the dot when you hear Eddie all but shout your name from the other side of the room. You glance up and watch him pushing through the front door, guitar case and amp in his hands, and you can’t help but admire the way he looks in his tee shirt. It’s loose on him, and he has his sleeves rolled up above his shoulders. You smile at him and wave.

It’s been a few weeks since Eddie successfully charmed Janine into switching her shifts with yours (all of them, actually - the Tuesday, the Thursday, and the every other Friday). You have no clue how he managed that, honestly. Janine isn’t exactly your biggest fan, but you won’t question it.

You’ve been thoroughly enjoying Eddie’s company for the few hours you get to spend in the same room as him on those days. He feels warm, and just being around him brings your mood up. You’d never tell him that, though.

Or maybe you would, just to see the look on his face. 

You seriously can’t believe you never noticed him in high school. Or that you did, but never like this.

“We rehearsed a new cover this morning, just for you, sweetheart,” Eddie calls to you with a wink, grinning at the way it makes you blush so red he can see it from over there. “Think you’re really gonna like it.”

“You know what I like,” you yell back, matching his grin with your own, and turn your back to unpack some boxes before he can say anything else to you.

Eddie shakes his head, muttering, “That woman. Death of me. Swear to God,” under his breath, unloading his gear and heading out to the van to help his bandmates grab everything else.

You wade through work, slow as molasses, for the next hour or so, watching Eddie and his band set up their gear and tune their instruments. You can’t help wondering what he has planned for you.

“Will you give me a hint?”

It's quiet in the bar, for the time being, and Eddie looks up from where he’s on his knees untangling cables and smiles. “A hint?”

“Yeah. For what you’re gonna play for me tonight.”

Eddie blows air through his lips and swipes the back of his hand across his forehead, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “I guess, uh…”

A bigger grin lights up his face and he puts both hands on his thighs. “It’s something I want to do to you.”

“Eddie, I swear to God,” you start, but he’s already turned back to his setup, the shit-eating expression on his face evidence that he’s pleased with himself.

You leave it at that. The band starts playing their set without much ceremony, like they always do, and much to your performed chagrin, they actually sound pretty incredible tonight. You catch Eddie’s eye a few times and he shoots you wolfish smile after wolfish smile, each of which makes your stomach flip.

“This last song is dedicated to you, sweetheart,” Eddie says into his microphone, raising a hand to point straight at you with his plectrum and wink. The older men sitting at the bar turn and stare at you, murmuring to one another. “You’ll see what I meant earlier.”

When that familiar guitar riff starts, you blush. You watch Eddie’s fingers as he rips through the first few chords of “I Was Made For Lovin’ You” by KISS. Your eyes move up his body and heat blossoms from the center of your stomach outward when you take in the look in his eyes as he stares at you. 

It’s…hungry. You shiver. 

It’s something I want to do to you. You assume he means kiss. He could also mean any number of other things, but you don’t want to think about those right now. It takes every ounce of strength you have to tear your eyes away from his, but you do, looking back down at his hands. You bite your lip and take a sip of your own beer, then press the cold glass against your cheek to bring your body temperature down. You glance up again and watch as Eddie’s expression darkens as you start to sing along. You might just have to take him up on that.

I was made for lovin’ you, baby, you were made for lovin’ me. And I can’t get enough of you, baby, can you get enough of me?

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

“Eddie,” you call, watching him pull his guitar from its hard case and set it against an amp. A few days have passed since he pulled that stunt with the KISS song, and you fully intend to get him back for it.

He looks up at you, a bright, open expression painted across his face. 

“Can you help with something in the back?” 

You smile softly and angle your head in the direction of the back room. He starts to say something, stammering, then stands abruptly, wiping his hands on his jeans. You snort, incredulous.

“Did I just render Eddie Munson speechless?”

“Shut up,” he laughs, walking toward you. “I’ve just never seen you ask anyone for help. That’s all.”

He lets you lead the way into the store room. You hold the door open for him, and push him against it when it fully closes behind him.

“What-”

“That song,” you murmur, your hands pressing into his shoulders. “KISS? ‘I Was Made For Lovin’ You’? Eddie.”

Eddie smiles, and his gaze darts from your eyes to your mouth, closer to him than you’ve ever been. “I knew you’d get the hint.”

You shake your head and lean in even closer, opening your mouth just as you’re about to press it to his. “You might as well have written I want to make out with you across your chest.”

“And ruin my favorite Metallica shirt?” Eddie cocks his head and pulls back, the soft, enamored look on his face twisting your heart. “Baby, I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I am going to kiss you now, Munson, but only to shut you up.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

You lay one hand to his chest and bring the other up to cup his cheek, then press your mouth to Eddie’s, who, without hesitation, brings one of his hands up to cradle the back of your neck and the other to your hip, pulling you flush against him. You take this as a sign to deepen the kiss and part your lips, touching your tongue to his. Eddie moans into you in response.

You laugh lightly, and bring the hand on his chest down to his arm, holding tight. Eddie slots one knee between your legs and you gasp, jumping back.

“Too much?”

You shake your head. “No, no, not at all.”

He grins and pulls you back in, pushing his knee up a bit and reveling in the way you whine at his touch. The two of you stand there, in the dim storeroom, pressed against one another and kissing like your lives depend on it. The light flickers once, twice, and then, from somewhere out near the bar, comes a loud thump.

As quickly as you’d started, you pull away from him, looking anywhere but his face. You check your watch.

“I should, uh…Get back to the bar.”

Eddie is breathing hard as he steps away from the door, trying as discreetly as possible to readjust his jeans. You glance down, then back to his face, your own warmer than you feel like it has ever been before.

“Sorry. About that.”

“Do not be,” he says, then huffs one last sigh, regaining his composure slowly but surely. “You go. I’ll be out in a minute.”

You nod and pull the door open. 

“Hey,” Eddie calls softly when you’ve started to step through it. You pause and glance back at him.

“Are we…?”

You start to nod, then look down at your feet. “I don’t know. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” he says. “It’s okay. Go.”

The door cuffs the back of your ankles as it closes and you wince. Groaning, you make your way back to the front of the bar. 

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

You might have been avoiding Eddie since you cornered him in the store room, but he also hasn’t gone out of his way to speak to you since then, either, so really, who’s to blame?

You have, however, been thinking about him - and his mouth, and his hands, among other things - pretty much every minute of every day since. You’re thinking about it now, as a matter of fact, as you count the drawer of cash you were supposed to have in the register a half hour ago.

Almost as if he can read your mind, Eddie waltzes over to the bar with another man, blond, about his height. They both take the stools directly in front of you. Barely able to meet your eye, Eddie holds two fingers up. “Two Bud Lights?”

You wipe your hands and grab two bottles. You uncap them, setting them in front of the guys, who thank you, then turn away and start tidying absentmindedly, trying to ignore the feel of Eddie’s gaze on you. You sneak a peek over your shoulder and Eddie blushes when your eyes meet his, clearly feeling a little caught out. Turning and leaning on the bar, you clear your throat.

“Okay,” you say.

Eddie is chatting with the friend, who came to catch their set, but he abruptly shuts up and turns to give you his full attention, his eyebrows pinched together. “Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll go out with you.”

He turns to look at his friend, who smirks and claps Eddie on the shoulder. “I’m just gonna…”

Eddie nods, watching him get up and walk away, before turning back to you. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Has Hell frozen over? What made you change your mind?”

“Who says I ever did?”

Eddie smiles and stands, leaning over the bar before you even realize what’s happening. He places both hands on either side of your face and pulls you to him, kissing you firmly on the mouth. You freeze for one quick moment, but then you’re kissing him back with fervor, your fingers curled around the collar of his denim vest, your mouth opening, tongue tracing his lips until they part, too.

“Oh, thank God,” he says, voice breathy, chest heaving, when you pull apart. “I was starting to think you’d never see reason.”

You smack him playfully on the chest, but you let him pull you back in for a sweeter, softer kiss. He pecks you on the nose, then the forehead, then presses his lips to yours one more time. You throw your arms across his shoulders, bring one hand up to wind in his hair. He hums and closes his eyes.

“Will you play ‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ for me tonight?”

“Darling, I will play every song you ever ask me to play. Just give me 45 minutes to an hour to learn the chords.”

[cinnamon-phrog]

Dhmis headcanons let's goooo

^^^ banner is a disclaimer not a DNI! I just wanna be clear I case I get misinterpreted!

Yellow

Yellow has more allergies than anyone else ever and has incredibly irritable skin prone to rashes and acne no matter what skin products he uses or how frequently he washes.

Can wiggle his ears Fozzie Bear style idk I just find that visual cute <3

He has stretchy limbs like his dad but only slightly, he can’t stretch himself nearly as far as Roy can

Yellows’ nose can make a cartoony honk noise, like a clown <3

Doesn’t just love spaghetti but ALL pasta dishes. Literally anything pasta or potato based is his kinda thing.

He’s the one who painted all the paintings in the house, even the one with him and Roy, since if his father can’t be there with or for him then at least he can in a painting.

Can’t paint horses. Cannot. But he knows Red loves them so he attempted to paint one for him. He hates it and cringes at it but Red insists it’s perfect and keeps in up on the kitchen wall.

Gets hot easily due to his batteries working overtime to keep him alive and hates wearing thick fabric clothes like jumpers and hoodies because of his irregular heat.

He can grasp things easier if left to his own devices. If something is explained to him via word of mouth he’s not going to comprehend it and would much rather figure it out himself and experiment. [Again I swear I’m not projecting….]

Has maladaptive daydreaming disorder.

Forgets things easily but remembers give Duck glasses of water at least twice a day to prevent him from going Back in The Hole again.]

Likes Duck because he is green and although he can’t remember much about himself, green is comforting to him.

Falls somewhere on the masochist spectrum [he likes being bitten. Cmonnnnn if the other two are freaks so is he let me have this one]

Suffers fatigue and can’t walk far without needing to sit down at least five times.

Has tried everything to ease this and his chronic thinking induced headaches, including various pills, tablets and herbal teas.

Very light sleeper, he wakes up constantly throughout the night, and will sometimes give up sleeping altogether.

Duck

Surprisingly really talented at sewing.

Loves fashion, and creates all his own outfits.

Also sewed the tablecloth in the kitchen.

Actually a really good cook but can’t be bothered to most of the time.

Has dioramas of war enactments and model planes that he plays around with secretly.

He has slight Aphantasia, meaning he struggles to visualise imagery. I have this headcanon because in Jobs, when he is told he can do a million things, he only thinks of about three. He can’t imagine what a million would look like. Again it’s just a headcanon and not to be taken seriously.

Hates the cold. In the winter he will stay in and turn all the radiators as high as possible to simulate migrating to somewhere hot. The heating bill is through the roof now.

Idolizes the military because he lived near a shelter as a child and admired them when his life wasn’t the best. He doesn’t remember that of course but he still found comfort in it and hasn’t really stopped to question why.

Has a weird relationship with food. The Healthy episode, plus him listing his favourite foods [that are all high in sugar and carbs] are given an explanation by being diagnosed with diabetes in electricity. Plus Dehydration can be dangerous for people with diabetes. High blood sugar can make you more at risk of dehydration, which is why Duck died by forgetting to drink water.

Has a rubber duck to take a bath with because ducks usually bathe together and get lonely easily.

Takes the longest getting ready for any kind of event. Like ridiculous levels of vanity just trying to pick a tie that compliments him.

Very trusting when someone is nice to him, you give him one compliment and he’s your best friend ever forever now.

Needs to wear glasses but refuses because he thinks he looks too geeky.

Used to be like Warren when it comes to friendships but he’s slowly teaching himself to be kinder, even just a little bit.

Frequently scams people for money by pretending to be a single hot milf online. Catfishing king securing that bag fr fr. Mostly it’s just Roy that falls for the scams.

PANSEXUAL. IN MY HEART OF HEARTS.

Moults his feathers quite often due to stress and is prone to over-preening himself.

Drinks 5+ cups of tea per day. Bri’ish check.

Red

His childhood horse girl phase never truly died down, all horse related things in the house belong to him besides the painting in the kitchen, which came about from him begging Yellow to paint a horse for him.

He actually wasn’t lying in the It’s Nice That interview and does actually enjoy extreme sports, or rather… watching them on the telly. So half a lie.

Has executive dysfunction and flat affect.

Struggles to find his own individuality around other people and would much rather mimic their behaviour. That’s why he’s kind to Yellow when they’re alone but mean to him when Red is in a dynamic with Duck.

He pretends not to care about peoples’ opinions but he’s awfully self-conscience about himself and the way he behaves.

Needs about a whole bag worth of coffee in order to feel even a little awake.

Prone to napping throughout the day.

VERY heavy sleeper. Could sleep through just about anything.

Similar to Yellow, Red hates feeling hot and because he’s covered in thick, fleecy hair he simply chooses not to wear clothes. However he finds it weird when other people do it because that’s the only individuality he feels is solely for himself.

His hair is prone to frizzing and needs a gazillion different hair products and brush types to take care of it.

Goes between not taking care of himself and practically rotting himself or pampering and spoiling himself rotten. No in between.

Has posture and back problems.

Can purr like a kibby <333

All of Red’s species is agender and intersex.

Spoils Skrunty the cat like she’s his own little princess because she IS. She’s his little muffin pie. His skrunkly Skrunty woo. His BABY.

Likes spicy food but is all about trying new impossible diets which he’ll regret and forget in about a week.

Really likes spicy foods and although he’s the one who set the no sharing food thing in motion he will beg for a taste of any food Duck makes [which is usually curry dishes]

[newstfionline]

Sunday, October 9, 2022

Biden calls the ‘prospect of Armageddon’ the highest since the Cuban missile crisis. (NYT) President Biden delivered a striking warning on Thursday night that recent threats from President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia could devolve into a nuclear conflict, telling supporters at a fund-raiser in New York City that the risk of atomic war had not been so high since the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis. Mr. Biden’s references to Armageddon were highly unusual for any American president. Since the Cuban Missile Crisis, 60 years ago this month, occupants of the Oval Office have rarely spoken in such grim tones about the possible use of nuclear weapons. The president’s warnings, delivered bluntly to a group of Democratic donors rather than in a more formal setting, came as analysts in Washington have been debating whether Mr. Putin might resort to tactical nuclear weapons to counter his mounting military losses in Ukraine.

Low Mississippi River (Bloomberg) The water level of the Mississippi is abnormally low owing to a lack of rain in the Midwest and the Plains states, and it’s jeopardizing the most important conduit for agriculture in the country. The river is closed near Stack Island, Mississippi, which has led to a backup of 117 vessels and 2,048 barges. About 92 percent of American agricultural exports come from the Mississippi river basin, traveling on barges. Those barges are massive: Each carries 1,750 tons of dry cargo, enough to fill 70 trucks, and a tow hauling 15 barges can move 900,000 bushels of grain. The low river level is sending prices up to ship, and the timing could not be worse.

Haiti’s leader requests foreign armed forces to quell chaos (AP) Haiti’s government has agreed to request the help of international troops as gangs and protesters paralyze the country and supplies of water, fuel and basic goods dwindle, according to a document published Friday. The document, signed by Prime Minister Ariel Henry and 18 top-ranking officials, states that they are alarmed by “the risk of a major humanitarian crisis” that is threatening the life of many people. It authorizes Henry to request from international partners “the immediate deployment of a specialized armed force, in sufficient quantity,” to stop the crisis across the country caused partly by the “criminal actions of armed gangs.” It wasn’t clear if the request had been formally submitted, to whom it would be submitted and whether it would mean the activation of United Nations peacekeeping troops, whose mission ended five years ago after a troubled 11 years in Haiti.

Britain’s grid warns of winter blackouts if Europe energy crisis escalates (Washington Post) Britain’s electricity operator said homes and businesses could face three-hour blackouts this winter if supplies run too low, preparing for a worst-case escalation of Europe’s energy crisis. The company described it as “unlikely” that the lights would go out but still outlined the prospect of a “more extreme scenario” in its winter forecast. The energy crunch fueled by Russia’s war in Ukraine has left European countries scrambling to build reserves as temperatures drop. A European Union official also warned this week that the 27-nation bloc could see blackouts this winter.

Spain’s Senate OKs law banning praise of former dictator Franco (Worldcrunch) The Spanish Senate has approved a new bill which bans expressions of support for the former dictator Francisco Franco. Called the “Law on Democratic Memory” it also includes honoring Franco’s victims and makes the state responsible for searching for the 114,000 people who are still unaccounted for after the Civil War.

Kremlin, shifting blame for war failures, axes military commanders (Washington Post) Russian Ground Forces Gen. Alexander Dvornikov, who over a 44-year military career was best-known for scorched-earth tactics in campaigns he led in Syria and Chechnya, was named overall operational commander of the war in Ukraine in April. He lasted about seven weeks before being dismissed. Around the same time, Col. Gen. Andrey Serdyukov, another four-decade serviceman, the commander in chief of the elite airborne troops, was stripped of his post after nearly all divisions of the airborne forces suffered major losses. And just last week Col. Gen. Alexander Zhuravlev, the head of the Western Military District responsible for Kharkiv, where Russian forces lost huge swaths of territory in early September, was removed after four years on the job. Far from bestowing glory on Russia’s military brass, the war in Ukraine is proving toxic for top commanders, with at least eight generals fired, reassigned or otherwise sidelined since the start of the invasion on Feb. 24. Western governments have said that at least 10 others were killed in battle, a remarkably high number that military analysts say is evidence of grievous strategic errors.

Crimea bridge blast (AP) A truck bomb Saturday caused a fire and the collapse of a section of a bridge linking Russia-annexed Crimea with Russia, Russian officials say, damaging a key supply artery for Moscow’s faltering war effort in southern Ukraine. The speaker of Crimea’s Kremlin-backed regional parliament immediately accused Ukraine, though the Kremlin didn’t apportion blame. Ukrainian officials have repeatedly threatened to strike the bridge and some lauded the attack, but Kyiv stopped short of claiming responsibility. The bombing came a day after Russian President Vladimir Putin turned 70, dealing him a humiliating blow that could lead him to up the ante in his war on Ukraine. Russia’s National Anti-Terrorism Committee said that the truck bomb caused seven railway cars carrying fuel to catch fire, resulting in a “partial collapse of two sections of the bridge.”

Five Hong Kong teenagers sentenced in first security case involving minors (Reuters) Five teenagers with a Hong Kong group advocating independence from Chinese rule were ordered by a judge on Saturday to serve up to three years in detention at a correctional facility, for urging an “armed revolution” in a national security case. The five, some of whom were minors aged between 15 and 18 at the time of the alleged offence, had pleaded guilty to “inciting others to subvert state power” through a group named “Returning Valiant”. Justice Kwok Wai-kin detailed how the defendants had advocated a “bloody revolution” to overthrow the Chinese state at street booths, and on Instagram and Facebook after adoption of a sweeping, China-imposed national security law. Authorities in Beijing and Hong Kong say the security law has restored stability to the global financial hub after mass anti-government and pro-democracy protests in 2019. Human rights experts on the United Nations Human Rights Committee, however, called for the law to be repealed in a July report, amid concerns it is being used to crack down on fundamental freedoms.

A pending new migrant crisis at Europe’s border? (Die Welt) Refugees in Turkey feel increasingly unwelcome. The mood in the country is at times openly hostile. Less than a year before Turkish presidential and parliamentary elections, many politicians are escalating their rhetoric. Time and again, they turn into attacks. And President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, who long acted as the patron saint of refugees, is seeking rapprochement with the man from whom Syrians once fled: Bashar al-Assad. As a result, more and more people now want to make their way to the EU. When the civil war broke out in Syria in 2011, many Turks welcomed their fleeing neighbors with open arms. Turkey has taken in the most refugees in the world, with almost four million people with protection status registered in the country. An enormous achievement. But while a welcoming culture prevailed in the beginning, most Turks would now prefer to get rid of their supposed guests. A 2021 survey by the United Nations Refugee Agency found that 48% of respondents thought Syrians “should definitely be sent back.”

Syria’s cholera outbreak spreads across country, hits neighboring Lebanon (Washington Post) A recent outbreak of cholera in Syria has hit nearly all its provinces and spread to neighboring Lebanon, triggering alarms in both countries, where economic crises have exacerbated deteriorating health conditions. Syria’s cholera outbreak was declared on Sept. 10, and, by the end of the month, surveillance data showed more than 10,000 suspected cases across the country, UNICEF said this week. By Friday, Lebanon had recorded two cholera cases in Akkar province, the northernmost part of the country bordering Syria, according to Health Minister Firass Abiad. No cholera vaccines are available in the country at this time, Abiad told The Washington Post. Both Syria and Lebanon are mired in economic meltdowns that have wreaked havoc on every facet of life, including health conditions and water sanitation.

Lebanese banks to close ‘indefinitely’ as hold-ups continue (Aljazeera) Lebanese banks have decided to close their doors to clients indefinitely, two bankers have told Reuters, amid an unprecedented wave of hold-ups by frustrated depositors seeking access to their savings. The two sources told the news agency on Friday that banks would continue urgent operations for clients and back-office services for business, but front-office services would remain suspended. In mid-September, a young Lebanese woman, Sali Hafiz, was lauded as a national hero after forcing staff at a BLOM Bank branch in Beirut to give her thousands of dollars from her own account by waving a replica gun in order to fund her sister’s cancer treatment in hospital. She told Al Jazeera that her actions were a response to the bank “stealing” her money. Her case triggered a snowball effect with multiple hold-ups taking place since then as the population grows more frustrated over strict measures preventing depositors from accessing most of their dollar savings.

[animefankotaro]

Trans Cindy Lou Who (Grinch, 2000)

Once upon a time in a town like yours and mine lived a group of people who were just fine. The people called the Whos loved Christmas a lot even the Grinch who formally did not. The Grinch tried to steal Christmas from the Whos he did. He stole all the gifts for which he tried to rid. He almost or so he thought but he learned Christmas does not need to be bought. So now he loved Christmas as much as the Whos no longer did he have the Christmas blues. He had little Cindy Lou Who to thank for changing his ways leading him to have much better Christmas Days. The little girl was only around six but she did a wonderful job on his heart she did fix. She was just a normal little girl like any other in town she could turn any frown upside down. But soon he would learn that Cindy Lou was not like other girls you see for there was a time in which she was once a he. For this story is about when Cindy Lou became the girl she is now so sit back as you'll learn just how.

The Grinch was helping Cindy Lou's family take down the Christmas declarations. Christmas was over which left many people sad. Though at least a new year was ahead so they were glad.

“Off you go!” The Grinch said tearing off a wreath. “You too ugly!” He said to another one. “Sorry lights but you were really running the electricity bill!”

“Be careful, Grinch!” Lou Lou Who said.

“Don't worry!” The Grinch yelled back. “I've got it all over conTROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL” The Grinch slipped off the ladder and grab the lights for support. He swung like Tarzan down we went.

“Abort Abort!” The Grinch yelled. One by one the staples holding the lights on the roof came off and the Grinch swung to a tree he was about to hit it when he said.

“”Why me.” The Grinch hit the tree and fell on the ground. When he did he made a weird Grinch sound. The Who family helped him and brushed the snow off his chest and they all agreed it was time for some rest.

“We've been out here for a while. How about we all go in for some hot cocoa.” Betty Lou Who suggested. Everyone cheered for that and they went in. Max was lying by the fireplace in the den. So they made some hot cocoa The Grinch had a marshmallow.

When Lou have it to him The Grinch called him a fine fellow. So there everyone sat Lou, Betty, Stu, Drew, Cindy, and The Grinch too who was know a true who.

“I'm happy you got to help us take the declarations down Grinch.” Cindy Lou said. “It's always sad doing to but you made it better.”

“Why thank you, Cindy. I did have to rearrange my schedule. Including yelling to the heavens at 4:00 but it was worth it. Don't be too sad Christmas will come next year.”

“ I know, it's just, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. The declarations, the snow, everyone is cheerful.”

“Except for the retail and postal workers. They're usually in a bad mood.” The Grinch cut in. Cindy laughed and rolled her eyes. Though she supposed those weren't lies.

“I love it all. It's also a very special time for me. Christmas is when I became my true self.”

“What do you mean?” The Grinch asked the young Who. But before she could answer she was called by the wife of Lou.

“Cindy. Can you help me take the declarations off the tree?” Betty asked.

“I'll see you later.” With that the girl ran off leaving the Grinch wondering what she was about to say but it didn't matter for he was still going to find out that day.

“She's a wonderful daughter isn't she?” Lou sat by the Grinch with a hint of pride he was going to tell the Grinch his daughters secret there was no reason to hide.

“I suppose helping save Christmas is considered wonderful, yes.”

“She's also very special. It's because of Christmas she is Cindy. You see Cindy was born a boy.”

“Come again.” The Grinch said.

“Cindy used to be a boy until last Christmas. We always knew she was different from our older boys or any others in town. She was just so... girly. She cried when we tried to cut her hair, caught her in Bettys clothes, and she asked for dolls by the time she was just 2. Even though she was only 5 when knew she was special.”

The Grinch was listening to the story being told wondering what else was left to untold. “Transgendered” Lou called it when someone doesn't feel the gender they were born never did the Grinch feel a word was so foreign.

“Last Christmas she wrote a letter to Santa. She told us she wanted it more than anything but wouldn't tell us. Before she mailed it Betty and I read it. It said.”

“Dear Santa I don't care for presents or candy. I just want to be a girl. I want to be Cindy. “Love, Cindy Lou Who.”

The Grinch read it over and over feeling bad for the lass. He felt bad for her having to be a boy in class.

“Betty and I were shocked at first but soon it made a lot of sense. We weren't sure if Santa could do that so we took it into our own hands. We surprised her Christmas mourning by making her our daughter. We got her dresses, her new name, and a wig to wear until hers grew out. It seems Santa also gave her dolls and other toys. She was now Cindy Lou Who. Stu and Drew helped by keeping bullies off her at school. She was now her true self. That's why she loves Christmas so much. She became the girl she was inside.”

“Wow. You learn something new everyday.” The Grinch said.

“You're not upset?”

“Lou I'm a green thingamagig that lived on a mountain and hated Christmas. I'm not the definition of normal if you haven't noticed.”

Lou laughed. He supposed the Grinch was right. He did also make an unforgettable Christmas night. Cindy ran up to her dad and kissed up on the cheek. He laughed the lovable geek. She thanked him for being a wonderful dad . He was the best one anyone ever had. She also thanked the Grinch who was no longer a crook he thought of what happened on Christmas.

“That story could make a TV special or great book.”

[cksmart-world]

       SMART BOMB

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

August 16, 2022

TOP SECRET DOCS AND EXPLOSIVE BUSTIERS

Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do — FBI agents or aliens posing as FBI agents have victimized Donald Trump AGAIN! It wasn't enough that little beings in Italian satellites screwed up the election by switching votes from Trump to Biden, but now we learn someone or something has slipped classified documents into Melania's de-humidified walk-in closets at Mar-a-Lago. Whoever it was stashed the top secret  records in the wardrobe containing her lingerie. It's all in the search warrant where it says: “lift and separate.” Very suspicious. In fact, Utah Rep. Chris Stewart even said, “Maybe it was aliens.” No Wilson, he actually said that. Attorney General Merrick Garland issued a statement saying the FBI does not hire aliens. But that didn't quell the anger on the Right. Arizona Rep. Paul Gosar said, “We must destroy the FBI.” And former House Speaker Newt Gingrich compared the FBI to the Gestapo. Of course we know the GOP is pro law enforcement — remember “Lock Her Up!” But this is different on account of... well it just is. Like, why would Donald Trump hide nuclear secrets in Melania's lingerie — it makes no sense unless he had a secret deal with Putin through Valeria, the Russian equivalent of Victoria's Secret. Now that would be one explosive bustier.

PLACENTAS ARE PEOPLE, TOO

If you are traveling by air and have a placenta you can demand two seats in comfort-plus, according to our friends on the right. Dave Alvord, local Republican patriot and Salt Lake County councilman, shot back at Vice President Kamala Harris on Twitter recently mansplaining to her that a fetus is not part of a mother’s body. No Wilson, we are not making this up. Alvord had taken umbrage when the veep said that women should have control over their own bodies. Amid criticism — and despite medical facts — Alvord bravely stood his ground. “The baby floats inside the woman... the umbilical cord and the placenta are part of a new and developing body, with its own unique DNA and gender...” he said. The notion that a developing fetus is part of the mother is just a fake rationale for leftist baby killers. “It is not about the woman’s body,” he explained, “it’s to kill then remove the baby’s body. It is done in greater proportion to black babies.” A consummate conservative, Alvord also uses Facebook to make important cultural arguments, such as this: "[T]he left won't be happy until we each have light brown skin are exactly alike…until there are no males, no females…until we are all bi-sexual and in non-committed relationships." And that's why it's soooo important to keep voting Republican!

MISSING TEXTS — AND WHAT THEY REVEAL

A whole bunch of missing text messages have been found and what they reveal is simply astonishing. The staff here at Smart Bomb has come into possession of missing texts from Utah's congressional delegation surrounding the Climate Bill, a.k.a. the Inflation Reduction Act. Not one single Republican voted for it. Here are the contents of the texts, although we have yet to identify which Utah congressmen is speaking at any time:

  Rep. A — The Dems say the $370 billion investment in a low-carbon economy will be paid for by prescription drug savings and raising taxes on large corporations.

  Rep. B — That's why we're not voting for it — we got friends in Big Oil and Coal.

  Rep. C — The good thing is we can vote against it and then campaign as though we're saving the world. Our constituents won't know 'cause they watch Fox.

  Rep. D — But it includes $60 billion for renewable energy, like solar and wind. It even has tax incentives for nuclear power and electric vehicles.

  Rep. B — It doesn't matter if it's good, we can't let Biden have any victories.

  Rep. A — But what about global warming and climate change?

  Rep. C — Don't worry, it's not like the polar ice caps are melting or anything.

Post script — Well, that'll do it for another week in the Dog Days of summer here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of bears on hallucinogenic trips so you don't have to. This is for real: A brown bear in Turkey came across some great smelling honey and had at it, apparently unaware that it was “deli bal” or “mad honey.” The hallucinogenic sweet stuff has been cultivated for hundreds of years by beekeepers in the Black Sea region. The female cub was found stoned out of her gourd in the back of a pickup. Luckily, the driver whisked her to a vet, where she came down safely from what must have been one long, strange trip. Wilson and the guys in the band are Smart Bomb's staff experts on hallucinogens but not even they had heard of deli bal. Yes Wilson, it would probably go nicely with Turkish waffles. And no, the FBI has not disclosed whether any mad honey was found at Mar-a-Lago. But if Trump had smuggled in some deli bal it would explain a lot of things. You're right Wilson, he acts more like a speed freak or a coke-head. Most acid trippers are pretty mellow — like Mike Pence. It would be interesting if the MAGA crowd that is ready to hunt down FBI agents got gifts of Turkish honey. On the other hand, imagine a bunch of crazies with AR-15s on a bad acid trip. Well, it's kinda like that already.

Alright Wilson, we can read your mind. You're clinging hopelessly to the past and we know where you want to go. So wake up the guys in the band and tell 'em to ditch the Hawaiian shirts and sandals for T-shirts and walking shoes 'cause they're goin' truckin'.

Truckin', got my chips cashed in Keep truckin', like the do-dah man Together, more or less in line Just keep truckin' on Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me Other times I can barely see Lately it occurs to me What a long, strange trip it's been What in the world ever became of sweet Jane? She lost her sparkle, you know she isn't the same Livin' on reds, vitamin C, and cocaine All a friend can say is "Ain't it a shame" Sittin' and starin' out of the hotel window

Got a tip they're gonna kick the door in again I'd like to get some sleep before I travel But if you got a warrant, I guess you're gonna come in

You're sick of hangin' around and you'd like to travel

Get tired of travelin' and you want to settle down

I guess they can't revoke your soul for tryin'

Get out of the door and light out and look all around

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me Other times I can barely see Lately it occurs to me What a long, strange trip it's been

(Truckin' — Grateful Dead)

[husbandohunter]

Mermaids exist in stardew, yes? So imagine a mermaid farmer for Zhongli, Kaeya and Diluc it could be in Yandere setting or not. I just wanna know their reaction when they found out and how it’ll effect their relationship. Will it brew angst, love, or both

Part of your world [Genshin x Mermaid!Reader]{Stardew Impact series}

Synopsis: You came from the sea and he takes you through a journey of what it was like to live on land despite your differences.

Genre: Fluff

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Childe, Zhongli

"I threw in Childe because I had an idea for him xD It's fluff month so everything is going to be happy from now on >.>"

=============================

{Diluc}

It was a hot summer day when Diluc first found you lying unconscious ashore. You had just swam far and wide from the ocean world, the climate deemed unideal for your case. With no one else around, he took the initiative to help you out of your situation.

He shortly found out by the slight appearances of scales gracing your legs that you were neither a human or someone coming from the town nearby. As legendary as mermaids are, Diluc wanted nothing to do with you. His beginning plan was to find your relatives and send you out of his house (Additional work isn’t welcomed when he has so much already). However, you latched onto him pretty quickly since he was the one who saved you.

Here stands a human, a creature that you always wanted to interact with, in your perspective he may look a little stern but he must have plenty of knowledge to offer based on all the antiques he owns.

The only problem was that you two had no way to communicate. Different worlds meant different languages. Whenever Diluc told you that you couldn’t stay, all you did was tilt your head and whenever you tried expressing what you wanted to say, well, normally bubbles would come out of your mouth since they were an indication for your words.

He gave up on trying to kick you out and simply allowed you to take residence as long as you stayed out of his workaholic life. You would tend to his farm while he was absent on other matters and feeding animals in the barn (a lot to do but a win-win situation now that you were able to discover what it was like to live on land at the same time). Though you were also a handful, most of the time Diluc had to excuse himself from his desk when you thought the rake was some sort of hair brush and he forbade you from using the bulldozer. Quite honestly you caused him a lot of stress. He spent most of his hours teaching you and before he knew, it was already a habit of his.

The only words you knew were three words. If you wanted to eat you would say ‘fish’. If you were thirsty, you would say ‘water’. If it was anything else, you would say ‘Diluc.’

He allows you to take long baths since he knows how hydrated mermaids must stay at all times. Orders a pool to be built in his front yard (at least this way helps him save his costly electricity bills). Diluc also borrows books from the library museum for you to read, anything that you would find interesting, (mostly they were about alphabets and picture-based stories (it felt like he was raising a child).)

Easily gets worried when you step into town with him, he keeps a watchful eye in case you collapse and extra bottles when you need a drink. Most of the time, he had to keep an eye on you since you had the natural instinct to waltz into whatever interested you, such as dancing in annual festivities (which you dragged him along of course). It was how he grew attached to your presence because you truly knew how to appreciate the world around you when he himself was too busy to do so.

Two worlds merged and he was learning how to live in yours too, how you perceive things. Building sandcastles, collecting seashells, listening to the echoes resounding within them. Activities he thought were unnecessary suddenly gained the meaning he had lost long ago. Diluc grew too fast at maximum speed, trying to get as many things done as he could, until he was pulled back by the emotional waves of your kindness and compassion, onto the shore he failed to live on. How ironic reality can be.

{Childe}

Everyone knew how much Childe loved to fish. He sets out at sea every evening to capture a batch of flounders, hopefully stumbling upon a legendary one.

In a way, he did. Just not what he expected. What he pulled out of the waters seemed to be a human-sized fish sitting upon the other residues caught in between. ‘A mermaid…?’ he thought, still digesting the fact in front of him. (No wonder the net felt so heavy).

At the same time he wanted to take you with and sell you for a good price but knew how mad Tonia would get when she found out. So he lets you go free. The thing is, you swam behind his boat and followed him back to land. This was how your relationship with Childe started, to this day he continues to jest upon that memory.

Tonia took most of the responsibility to coach you about human life. One of them was table etiquette, before you ate with only your hands which caused a mess. Childe would laugh hysterically at it until Tonia reminded him, “This is also what happens when you use chopsticks, big brother.”

Teucer invites you to basically anything since you have so much patience. Childe shortly realizes that he was soon going to be replaced as the eldest caretaker and you couldn’t even talk at that time. So it was only fair that he included himself in the circle while interacting with your way of communicating: sign language (Surprisingly, he was naturally good at it. Though his movements are rather exaggerated and...ungraceful).

You were nice enough to accompany him to his fishing tasks and soon enough became your daily activities. Childe takes the lead as you follow him from the side, sometimes he lets go of the steering wheel and allows you to push the boat instead (he kept a note to himself that in your mermaid mode, your strength multiplied by a large number). Other times he felt a little risky and decided to jump in the ocean with you for a swimming session. It worried you immensely but your anxiety subsided when you saw how much fun he was having and for the rest of the time, you both explored what the ocean had to offer.

Childe used to be a fish-cook enthusiast. Not anymore (since that day you cried when glancing at the flounder dish he placed on the table). He had to stick to seaweed or any other plant-based meals with a little bit of meat but too much would cause your stomach to churn. Since his siblings complained at the sudden change, he had to make a separate meal plan for them. With a mermaid in the house was certainly high-maintenance indeed.

Cuddling with you in front of the cracking fire blazing under the chimney was one of the calmest moments indulged himself in. He often chooses the life where the waves crash constantly, anticipating a thrilling storm that comes ahead. But you were just a lull at the sea, the mediator he needed in times where his siblings needed a mother-figure. Sometimes he fears that you would leave him and return to where your true family lives but he was grateful that you chose him above all else. He was grateful that by chance, he captured you at sea. One thing he loved about life was the unpredictability the future brings, including the blessings. Even if you were a creature from far away, in your presence he felt like he was truly at home.

{Kaeya}

When the tides rose above his head, Kaeya was sure that he was done for. The surfboard he recently stood upon slips off beneath his feet and he falls into the ocean’s merciless waves. No oxygen, no time to catch his breath amidst the impact, his eyes were slowly closing and the last thing he saw was the sun’s light beyond the heavy surface, along with the murky visual of someone swimming in front of it.

Although he almost drowned, the idea of being saved by a pretty mermaid makes up for the fact (He has a natural tendency to flirt at anything eye-catching even if you were an outlandish being). You on the other hand was confused by his advances as you couldn’t understand a word he was saying, hence you swam away.

Those beginning days when you chose to explore the land, Kaeya remembers how much trouble you had with walking using your new legs. He had to hold both your hands while leading you forward, he found it rather cute when you tighten your grip the moment you felt that he was going to let go (he was only bluffing of course but you still hissed at him). Still, Kaeya ensures that you don’t fall to the ground, he catches you in time when you collapse while laughing, “You’re doing great sweetheart.”

In return you teach him how to read the ocean’s movements so that he won’t drown again. Kaeya spends more time around the beach since he knows that the water bodies are where you were most comfortable with. He tells you that you always smell like saltwater whenever he buries his face in your hair, perhaps that was how he grew attached to the ocean as well.

In summer seasons there were several days where you had to sleep in his bathtub because the air was so dry. As a mermaid, he had to tolerate many of your unique quirks, in this case he had to deal with showering in cold water since you took up all the electricity. Another case was your wine tolerance, no one could challenge you to a drinking contest when your body could sustain large amounts of liquids. Kaeya sometimes jokes if you could turn him into a merman like those in fairytale books so he can have the same experience. You take it as a joke while he was also being half-serious.

When you have to take a temporary trip home, Kaeya visits the dock every evening and waits for you to come back, trying to see any signs of your colourful tail. He glances at the ocean he grew to love, knowing where he stood is as far as he could go and anywhere beyond the boundary was out of his reach. So many people left him in his life and even though he knew you wouldn’t do the same, he still worries. Uncertain if you would abandon him too.

Your existence became the center of his life the moment you chose to walk upon land with him. Side by side, through small hurdles the seashore and hurdles as big as the wave that almost killed him the day he met you, Kaeya keeps them all as if they were the most precious treasure a pirate could find. It didn’t matter if you were different from everyone else because despite your tail, all he could see was you.

{Zhongli}

While Zhongli strolls along the sandy beach, he follows the alluring sound of your singing voice. You sat upon the rock while humming along what seems to be an old folk tune, similar to what Guizhong once sang. The man folds his arms and closes his eyes. Many years have passed since he last heard something like this, “Your voice, it’s very lovely.”

He was a geologist who worked by the museum, collecting different types of rocks and seashells that would wash up shore. You became very familiar with his daily routine that before he pays a visit to the beach again, a pile of interesting rocks would be waiting for him by the docks. It was a gift. And Zhongli would bring snacks like seaweed soup as an accommodation for your kindness.

Unlike Kaeya, when you couldn’t walk because your legs were too weak to be used, Zhongli helps you with every step along the way even if the trip was a slow one. He even offered to have you carried when he saw you were having too much trouble but you insisted on trying. The whole trip that usually took ten minutes was a three hour walk.

Even though he knew many things, your language was not one of them. However he was willing to learn. Both of you have study sessions regarding each other’s culture. For you it’s the way humans drink with cups because of Zhongli being a tea fanatic himself, he even showed you how to hold a tea cup properly. You taught him how to swim since he had been so occupied on land that swimming never crossed his mind. Thankfully he was naturally good at it due to his tall stature (albeit a little scared when diving into an environment unknown and different to him).

Zhongli loves the way you sing and he would ask every time he wanted to read a book. Either under the tree on a warm spring day or on the couch when it was storming outside. Although he intended to get some reading done, Zhongli can’t help but fall asleep. You didn’t want to wake him up (and you could carry him if you wanted to thanks to your mega-mermaid strength) so by morning, you’d find yourselves in the same spot and your lap feeling numb.

Earth and sea were separated for a reason so that the creatures may stay upon the place where they belong. That wasn’t enough to separate you from him though. Zhongli would travel to the sea to see you and you mustered the courage to walk upon the hard surface of land. The two were only parts of the world but together they are part of the world, connected to form a whole new life.

[kingstylesdaily]

Harry Styles Sent Us Back to 2019 — and the Seventies — at Glittery-Slicked MSG Set

Nearly two years after releasing Fine Line, Styles is hitting the North American leg of Love on Tour

by Brittany Spanos

If you passed through New York’s Herald Square on Sunday, you probably felt like a time traveler. Thousands of young fans were dressed up, Seventies-style, for a show that they’ve been waiting for for two years — colorful flared pants, feather boas, glitter, and two-piece suits aplenty. Just stop your crying, it’s a sign of times… the times being Harry Styles finally playing Madison Square Garden after years away.

Nearly two years after releasing Fine Line, Styles is hitting the North American leg of Love on Tour, which was announced around the album’s release and originally meant to set sail last spring in Europe — before the Covid-19 pandemic derailed the entire world’s plans.

Even though it’s been two years since its release, there was no universe where Styles wouldn’t tour Fine Line. His second album was even bigger than his self-titled debut, generating hits like “Watermelon Sugar” and “Kiwi,” as well as expanding his fanbase well beyond the young One Direction fans who have stuck by him for over a decade. It was one of the most anticipated treks of 2020 and remains as such in 2021, although it may look a little different this time: Masks are required for all attendees, as well as a Covid-19 vaccination (venues in other states allow proof of a negative PCR test as well in lieu of vaccination).

Luckily, Jenny Lewis stayed on the bill. Her most recent album, the excellent On the Line, came out before Styles’, so at least they were in the same strange boat. Upon the announcement that she was opening on the North American dates, many Gen –Z stans wondered who she was on Twitter. But hopefully they’ve gotten on the Lewis train by now: Her rhinestone cowgirl aesthetic and Nashville-adjacent sound is a perfect fit of Styles’ own, making them a dream pair. She even snuck in a little Rilo Kiley with a cover of “Silver Lining,” hopefully scoring a slew of new listeners for the band that got Lewis her start.

The wait in between sets for Styles flew by: The attendees occupied themselves by begging Disney stars and rumored “Drivers License” subjects Joshua Bassett and Sabrina Carpenter for photos and singing along to One Direction’s “Olivia” as it played over the speakers — not once, but twice. Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and the ensuing arena-wide sing-along seemed to indicate that show time was nearing as anticipation further mounted from the buzzing crowd.

Styles took center stage in a two-piece black suit with feathered arms, launching immediately into Fine Line opener “Golden,” a bright and energetic single that got the room shaking for the first time that night.

Wisely, Styles’ performed in the round, giving fans either his face or “all butt, baby,” as he cheekily pointed out. There were two general admission pits, which from the stands, seemed to be one of the most polite and communal show pits imaginable. It was the perfect setup for a star like Styles, whose thousands of fans dressed to impress and wanted nothing more than a second of his time or attention. Expertly bouncing around the stage and the long catwalks that stretched across the arena, he was able to give that and much more, making the legendary venue feel like an intimate club.

By some miracle, Styles and his band were able to play Fine Line in its entirety (including “To Be So Lonely,” which was left off the setlist of the tour’s first few shows). He also included some well-placed tracks from his 2017 debut, like the raucous “Only Angel” and smooth “Woman.” The pace and energy were vastly different this time; his debut was a largely folk-y affair, heavy on the acoustic guitar with big campfire sing-along energy. Love on Tour is a bawdier party, full of dancing from both Styles and the crowd.

Helping keep the pace were a mix of old and new band members. Of course, drummer Sarah Jones and guitarist Mitch Rowland (who recently had their first child) were back on the road with the star and have been since day one. Fans cheered enthusiastically any time they were highlighted, especially when Rowland shredded his way through the “She” guitar solos. Bassist Elin Sandberg and multi-instrumentalist Ny Oh were exquisite during “Woman” and a pared-down “Cherry” moment, while pianist Niji Adeleye and percussionist Pauli Lovejoy were scene-stealers at every turn with their enthusiastic dancing.

Toward the end of the main set, the communal feeling of the show strengthened. “Treat People With Kindness,” Styles’ mantra, turned into the biggest party-starter yet. Fans in the pit created dance circles and did something akin to the Electric Slide in unison. On stage, Styles held up both Bi Pride and Black Lives Matter flags to massive screams. It quickly morphed into a cover of One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful,” a song Styles really doesn’t need to do but has such a blast singing that I hope he keeps it in his shows forever.

The encore was a perfect cap: “Sign of the Times,” his first-ever solo single, kicked things off as he belted the track beneath two large disco balls that made the whole room sparkle. He introduced the band during a slow-burn reworking of “Watermelon Sugar,” similar to the one he performed at the Grammys this year. He even brought back the song he debuted a few shows ago when he sang to a woman in a banana suit (“She’s dressed as a banana, ayy”). Of course, there were several banana costumes in attendance due to the very existence of the rarity.

For his closer, Styles ended on the highest note, showcasing the biggest flex of his rock star prowess. He blazed through “Kiwi,” the high energy fan-favorite that he also played years ago at MSG; back then, it got the floor shaking so much that drummer Jones’ drumset started sliding across the stage. It was no different this time: The whole room shook through the track as Styles said his goodbyes He had issued a request early in the show for everyone to “be who it is you’ve always wanted to be,” and with one final song, the whole room let loose. They were finally getting to be who they’ve been waiting to become for the last 18 months.

Love On Tour Setlist

“Golden” “Carolina” “Adore You” “Only Angel” “She” “Falling” “Sunflower, Vol. 6” “To Be So Lonely” “Woman” “Cherry” “Lights Up” “Canyon Moon” “Treat People With Kindness” “What Makes You Beautiful” (One Direction cover) “Fine Line”

Encore: “Sign of the Times” “Watermelon Sugar” “Kiwi”

via RollingStone.com

[cuddles-with-bucky]

My Face, Your Boxers

Bucky X Reader

Authors Notes: Written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club​​ and thank you so much for allowing me to combine these two amazing prompts together!!! Hope I did it justice!

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, pranks, language, sexual tension, talks of sex, implied smut.

Words 2,372

Prompts:

Y/N and Bucky have never got along and are always bickering. One day, he decides to prank her by changing all of her lace underwear to briefs with his face all over them.

Bucky has a date tonight and reader changes all of his boxers to “Pardon My Hardon” boxers.

The boxers:

“You’re putting way too much milk on your cereal, doll.” Bucky elbowed you, almost knocking you off the stool and spilling the milk everywhere.

“Fuck off and mind your own business.” You gritted through your teeth, wanting to knock that smug grin off his stupid face. 

“Ah, young love.” Sam teased as he walked casually into the kitchen that was thick with sexual tension, no thanks to you and Barnes. You shot him a glare, pouring your milk carelessly over your cereal.

“Y/N seriously, fucking leave some milk for the rest of us!” Bucky warned, reaching over and snatching the bottle from your hand.

“Stop being up my ass all the damn time Barnes.” You said, scooping some cereal up on a spoon and shoveling it into your mouth. “If you want me to fuck you up the ass doll, all you gotta do is ask.” 

“I’m out!” Sam announced, grabbing an orange and leaving quickly, leaving just you and Bucky alone in the kitchen which was always a very bad idea since you didn’t get along with the man. 

You’re not really sure why, ever since he came to the compound, he acted cold and distant with you despite your warm welcoming and months later, he became the biggest dick. 

“I wouldn’t fuck you if you were the last man on earth.” You argued, loved pushing his squishy buttons. Despite him being an enormous asshole, he was so easy to piss off and you loved it.

“Hypothetical question, why?” Bucky pressed, taking a seat next to you and watched in amusement as you kept on shoveling the cereal in your mouth. 

“Well first of all; you’re always sweaty and disgusting and I imagine you grunt a fucking lot. And secondly; I repeat my first point. Thirdly; I’m best friends with my vibrator that always lets me cum first. Something I don’t see you doing.” 

“Aww, you jealous doll ‘cause you don’t have a man to know, lick you and fuck you into the mattress?” Bucky smirked, leaning his forearms on the counter.

“Jealous? HA. I actually feel quite sorry for any poor woman underneath you as you drip your disgusting sweat on her face. I’m GRATEFUL for that. Besides, wouldn’t want your dentures to fall out as you sucked the life out of me, plus, I’m a really nice person, now please, fuck off and have a great day.” 

“Whatever you say, doll.” Bucky chuckled, drawing the pet name out since he knew how much it annoyed you. He was getting up to leave and missed the spoon being launched at his head by seconds. 

“Sergeant Barnes?” The AI beeped as Bucky walked into the common room. 

“What is it, FRIDAY?” Bucky asked, looking up in the air. 

“A parcel has arrived and Mr Stark has left it in your room, sir.” 

Bucky laughed knowing exactly what the parcel was, and it was all planned perfectly since you would be out of the compound most of today. 

Bucky hurried back to his room and unpacked the parcel that was sitting on his bed, he cut the tape and laughed maniacally as he pulled the new custom ordered underwear out of the box. He spent hundreds of dollars on this and it had to go right. 

He put a few hundred into a separate bag and hid the box in his closet in case someone decided to barge in like they normally did. Bucky exited his bedroom, walking down to the other end of the hall where your room was, just as he was about to go in, you came out.

“What?” You asked confused, putting your keys and phone in your pocket. 

“I was- I thought you were out?” Bucky stammered, subtly moving the bag of underwear behind his back so you couldn’t get a peek. 

“God, what are you, my husband? If you really must know, I’m just leaving so leave your testicles in your pants and stay out of my room. I remember what you did last time and I don’t want another cleaning bill.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Bucky saluted. He was amused you didn’t even wonder why he was outside your door, or maybe you did and just didn’t care since Bucky always did go out of his way to annoy the fuck of you. Him being there was nothing to you.

While Bucky sneaked into your room, you had your own secret meeting with a friend in Brooklyn. You knew Bucky had a date tonight, because he’s talked about it non stop since last week and since he embarrassed you on your last date, you figured a little paycheck was overdue. Your friend had ordered you over 300 pairs of boxers. Boxers you were planning to plant in Bucky’s dresser so his date could freak the hell out. 

You were an observant person, and his sweatpants never hid anything that great. The man constantly walked around with a boner, it was so obvious so these boxers were true, but you know, they would excuse it for him when his date sees him. You couldn’t wait to see the look on his face. 

Bucky pulled all your lace panties out and threw him carelessly onto your bed, including your bras. He unpacked the new briefs and folded them neatly into the top two drawers of your dresser, snickering as he saw the print on them. It was probably quite a childish prank, but he was sure you’d get a kick out of it.

Once Bucky was done, he put your laced panties in the bag he brought with him and left your room undisturbed and went back to his to hide the panties and meet Steve at the bar for a few beers. 

You actually passed Bucky in the lobby, just as he stepped out, you were about to step in. He noticed a box in your hands, around the same size as the one he had delivered and snickered. How ironic would it be if you pranked with him the same underwear. 

“Whatcha got there dollface?” Bucky purred, adjusting his leather jacket. You couldn’t deny he looked smoking hot in his black outfit. “More dildos?” He teased.

You snickered and stepped into the elevator. “Why? Jealous they might be bigger than you Barnes?” You cackled, pressing the button to your. 

“STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!” You heard him yell just as the doors closed. 

If anyone was to blame for this prank, it would be Bucky for leaving his damn door unlocked and making it too easy. You had no problem breaking into his room and removing his tattered and worn boxers, some with holes where the wiener would be, why he had a fucking hole there was anyone’s guess, you’d like to think it was because he probably rubbed one out every time he was alone in this room. 

You replaced his ragged old boxers with some lovely new ones. They were red with a black waistband. The imprint on the front where his bulge would be read “Pardon My Hardon.” To now, you cackled like crazy every time you read it. You could imagine the look on his face, and also his date’s face. 

Apparently, he was hoping to get lucky tonight. With these boxers, that’s not gonna happen. This was their first date after all. Once you hid his old boxers under the bed, you proceeded with the second part of your plan to make sure he would wear these and not notice them; remove all lightbulbs from his room. You paid Tony in good faith to cut the electricity for tonight when Bucky would be in his room changing anyway, but to be sure Tony didn’t follow through on his promise for some reason, you needed to remove the lights just in case. 

You clapped your hands when you got the last light bulb out, also throwing them under his bed and left his room undisturbed. 

Now you just had to wait.

***

Bucky returned back to the compound around 8 p.m and already it was dark outside. The heavy rain clouds that lingered over NYC ended daylight quicker than expected. To make matters worse, the storm had cut electricity out in the compound. Candles were lit everywhere, except for Bucky’s room since he just needed a quick wash and change of clothes. His eyes had never let him down before and he knew his room like the back of his hand. 

He closed the curtains in his room and walked into the bathroom, washing his face and hands and patting himself dry with a towel he felt around for. 

Bucky could hear the distinctive chatter from his teammates down the hall as they sat in the common room talking about the storm. Thunder and lightning came suddenly and the rain pelted against the floor-to-window panes. This storm came suspiciously quickly. Considering he was aware Thor was in town.

But these thoughts never really crossed his mind and he didn’t piece it together. He was thinking about Dot and his date tonight. He whipped his black jeans off along with his boxers, opening the drawer, he felt around for a pair and grabbed them.

His fingertips traced along the waistband until he felt the silk label and slipped into them. They felt a little tighter than usual, but Bucky had been working on beefing up again. 

Bucky reached into his closet and pulled a clean pair of jeans off the hanger and slipped them on. He next removed his shirt and picked a button up off the hanger on the other side of the closet. When he was dressed and happy, he sprayed some cologne around his throat and neck, picked up his leather jacket off the bed and left his room. 

He walked a little down the hall when your door suddenly ripped open, scaring the shit out of him. He stumbled and put his hand over his heart.

“Did you seriously fucking change my underwear to your stupid face?!” You gritted through your teeth. 

“I did.” He shrugged, smirking as he now leaned against the doorframe. “Now you will always have me between your legs, doll.” Bucky teased, licking his dry lips. 

You huffed out a laugh and shook your head. You’d never tell him, but you actually really liked the briefs. They were exceptionally comfortable and you find them funny. You couldn’t imagine the look on a man’s face though as he peeled them off you.

“You have a date tonight right?” You questioned, the candlelight behind you just about makes out his features. 

“I do, so no need to wait up. I’ll leave some earplugs in the common room so we don’t keep you awake.” 

You laughed, there was no way he was getting any tonight with those boxers he was most likely wearing. 

“Enjoy the *squeak, squeak, squeak*” You teased, imitating his squeaky mattress that you heard often.

“Enjoy your vibrators that you had delivered today.” He retorted. You snorted and retreated back into your room, slamming the door unintentionally in his face.

***

You didn’t know what time it was when you fell asleep. Once Bucky had left earlier, you found Tony and Thor and thanked them with a hug each for their part in your plan. Let’s face it, without them, this wouldn’t have worked. But it seemed you were right and Bucky really was that naive. 

You’re not sure what woke you up either, you thought you heard a knock on your door but it must have been in your dream. You rolled onto your back and stretched, putting your arm under your pillow, you just started to doze off again when the knock came louder this time. 

You glared towards the door, rolling over to flick a lamp on and dragged yourself from the comfort of your bed towards it. You opened the door and on the other side stood a rather tired and unamused Bucky Barnes. 

“Barnes? Are you lost, you’re room is down the hall on-”

“What the fuck did you do to my boxers?” He seethed, his jaw and fists clenched. You rubbed your eyes and chuckled, angering Bucky more. 

“Oh, you saw them.” Is all you said, his eyes flickering down to his custom briefs. He couldn’t help but become aroused when he saw a slight wet spot and your nipples tenting underneath your tank top. 

“No, Dot saw them and she was fucking horrified!” 

“Poor Dot. You know, they are really funny and I’m sorry but if she couldn’t take the joke then maybe she isn’t the one for you.” You stated, folding your arms across your chest and resting them under your breasts, the swells of your breasts now threatening to spill out. 

Bucky said nothing as he took a step towards you. You remained still in your place, his breath fanned over your face. 

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe then I don’t want another man between your legs, on briefs or otherwise.” Bucky sighed. Your arms dropped down by your side and Bucky took the opportunity to reach out and take on, guiding it to his hard bulge. Your hand squeezed him and he moaned quietly. 

“If you want this, if you really want me, then I suggest you get in here and get your face between my legs for real.” 

“If I knew planting briefs with my face on them would make me fuck you, I’d have done it months ago.” Bucky chuckled, his hands on your waist as he walked you backwards. He kicked the door closed with his foot, guiding you two back towards the bed until your knees hit the side of the mattress. Bucky kneeled on the floor before you, his fingers hovering on the waistband of the briefs. 

“Are you sure?” Bucky asked, needing to hear you say it. “I know we hate each-”

“I don’t hate you. And I’m sure. Please…” 

“Good, me neither. Once I start, I’m not gonna be able to stop.”

“Then don’t stop.” That’s all Bucky needed to hear. Once those words left your lips, your briefs were ripped from your body and your legs thrown over his broad shoulders. His tongue diving in between your seeping folds.

[freckledoriya]

“no flash photography” (midoriya x reader)

WARNINGS: none, just fluff!

WORD COUNT: 1.7k

SUMMARY: You’re a pro-hero photojournalist assigned to capture the number one hero, Deku. But what happens when you start catching feelings through your camera lens?

LINKS: ao3 | masterlist | requests are OPEN!

TAGLIST: at the end of the post, message me to be added/removed!

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this my fourth fic for @bnhabookclub‘s bingo event (see my bingo masterlist here). and a big thanks to @sunflower-kami-boi and @gallickingun​ for beta reading and supporting me!! 

You love Izuku Midoriya: the way his freckles speckle his cheekbones, his ability to smile even through his toughest battles, the mess of green curls that are just begging to have your hands run through them. And then there are his hands: soft, yet calloused from fighting. When you interlock your hands with his, you swear you can feel electricity from his quirk pass from him to you. At least, that’s what you imagine holding hands with him would be like. 

No, you don’t love Izuku Midoriya. You love taking pictures of Izuku Midoriya. 

That’s the correction that you keep telling yourself. Your job as a hero photojournalist has been a journey, one that started out as a fangirl’s hobby and morphed into a profession as a photographer for the magazine Hero Weekly. More specifically, a photographer who was recently assigned to capture exclusively the world’s number one hero, Deku. 

The day that Midoriya was given the title of number one was the day that everything changed for you. You went from a respected photographer to what often felt like part of the paparazzi, following Izuku around the city as he fought villains, but also secretly taking pictures as he went out to dinner with his fellow heroes. That part of your job kept you up at night. You knew it was an invasion of his privacy, but you needed the approval from your boss. The guilt and fear crawled all over your skin, amplified only when you started catching feelings for the hero. But your dream of becoming a renowned hero photographer depended on it. So you pushed aside all the anxiety and did exactly what your manager asked of you: 

“I want to know who he’s dating, what he likes, dislikes, details of his quirk, extra bonus if you happen to get shot of him shirtless” your boss rattled off. 

Ever since All Might’s retirement, the magazine had been hurting for another star to focus on. It resulted in budget cuts and threatened lay-offs, leaving everyone, including you, on thin ice. And after years of waiting, young upstart Midoriya fit that bill perfectly. His curls seemed to frame his round yet somehow chiseled face. And those freckles. If his beautifully sculpted body wasn’t enough to get the fangirls on board, the freckles always got them. After all, he didn’t become number one solely from his nearly flawless track record with villains; it definitely didn’t hurt that he had a shy and modest smile that any woman would be enchanted by. 

You sure were.

But being assigned to Deku was an exhausting task. Following him around from battle to battle was hard enough, and you soon found yourself in a battle of your own-- one with your deep admiration towards the green-haired hero. You began to feel linked somehow with Izuku through your photos. It was as one-sided as you could get, with Midoriya never knowing your existence (a fact that caused an unbelievable amount of pain). Despite this, you felt like you knew Izuku personally, as if he goes on dinner dates with you at his favorite restaurant on the corner. Or that it’s he, not the press, that reveals his ticks and habits. You would sit a considerable distance away, watching through a cafe window, imagining yourself on the other side of the table from him. You’d laugh at his jokes, flirt and cause him to get all adorably flustered, and gaze longingly into his emerald eyes. You hope and wish that one day it won’t just be through a camera lens. 

You couldn’t help but feel some kind of intimate connection with the hero. After all, you experienced just about everything he did. His fights, his wins, his loses… every scar, every bruise, you were there for it all. So how could you not feel this way? 

It was all inevitable, and you gave right into it: reading everything you could find on him, even going to his regularly visited coffee shop on your day off of work. You knew the chances of running into him were slim, and yet you did it anyway. You were desperately chasing a feeling of closeness with him, and somehow sitting in a place that he visited gave you a piece of what you craved. 

You ponder this as you sit in the aforementioned cafe, sipping your coffee and going through the photos on your camera, jotting down notes. It’s crowded, the morning rush, so you pay no mind to the “ding” of the door opening and the tall hero walking in. It’s his voice when he orders that catches your attention, a voice unmistakably belonging to the one and only, Izuku Midoriya.

You quickly turn away and throw your hand over your mouth, wary of any sounds that might come out. This was different from when you would see him behind a camera lens. You weren’t doing work, surrounded by others clamoring to get a money shot. You were here as you, not just a nothing face behind flashing lights. 

When you turn back around, you half expect him to be gone, for you to have totally gone crazy imagining him. But, he’s still there. He’s in what must be his work out clothes: basketball shorts and a worn All Might shirt, looking as effortlessly perfect as every other time you’ve seen him. And that’s when it hits you. This is it. This is the chance you have to talk to him. 

But what would you say? What could you say? What if he recognizes you as one of the no-life photographers who follow him around? Should you keep that a secret? Will he hate you? A thousand questions fly through your head as you ponder the possibilities. Should you call out to him? Would it be weird that you know his name? Do you call him by his hero name or his real name? 

He begins to walk past you after grabbing his coffee order. Your heart drops at the sight of him leaving.

Do something.

“Deku!” you call out, careful to keep your volume as low as possible as to not alert the other patrons around you. 

He quickly turns and looks at you expectantly. “Yes?”

“Um…”

Say something.

“I…”

Anything. 

“I’m a really big fan!”

Anything but that.

But it’s too late. The words were spoken and reached Midoriya’s ears.

“T-Thank you,” he looks away, smiling as a slight blush appears on his freckled cheeks. 

“So do you take pictures?” he asks, nodding down to your camera on the table.

“Yeah,” you reply shakily, still deciding on how much information about yourself you should reveal. 

Izuku smiles at you. “What do you like to take pictures of?”

Shit.

You swallow and nervously pick at your cuticles. You don’t want to lie to him, but you don’t exactly want to start off the relationship with him knowing you take secret pictures of him so that a magazine can sell. You tread carefully as you speak. 

“Heroes,” you reply simply. “I take pictures of heroes.”

Letting out an awkward laugh, you gesture to the seat across from you, inviting him to join you. 

“Can you show me some of your work?” He tilts his head in curiosity as he accepts your invitation to sit down. 

No no no no no. 

You embarrassingly know that the camera you’re currently holding contains pictures you took of the hero last night as he left his high-rise apartment. Thinking quickly, you pull out your phone and go to the Hero Weekly website, remembering that they ran a picture you snapped of Red Riot in battle last week. It wasn’t anything spectacular, just a photo you captured for fun when you happened to stumble upon the fight. Still, it was better than showing what was on your camera memory card currently. 

“Whoa, that’s a great picture of Kirishima!” he says ecstatically. “Is that from Hero Weekly? That’s impressive!”

His praise causes your stomach to do flips. “Thank you. I really appreciate that coming from you.”

“What got you into taking pictures of heroes?”

You sigh and look into your coffee cup, hoping the beverage will spell out the right words to say. 

“I’ve always really looked up to heroes. Ever since I was little. But I never bought into the “larger than life” hero personas that the rest of the media seemed to portray. They miss the most amazing thing about heroes: they’re human, just like everyone else.”

You look at Izuku shyly, unsure if you should be opening up to him like this after just meeting him. “When I photograph heroes, I like to ground them, see past the exterior. Capture their magnificent strength and power, but show that they have feelings, wants, and needs. They all have passions and flaws. And that’s what I love so much about heroes. They’re relatively ordinary humans that do extraordinary things.”

There’s a beat of silence that passes as Midoriya looks at you in amazement. He smiles and slightly bites his lip, obviously debating about the next thing he wants to say.

“Is that why you photograph me in private places?”

You feel your heart plummet. “H-How did you know?” 

Izuku blushes and rubs the back of his neck embarrassingly. “I kinda of… may have… noticed you a few times.”

You’re stuck in shock, your mind short-circuiting, leaving your mouth slightly ajar with no words coming out. 

Deku sees your frozen look and starts frantically waving his hands, speaking at a million words per second. “Not in a weird or creepy way of course just that you’re really pretty and sometimes when I’m out places I notice you trying to get my picture so sometimes I make sure to give you a clear shot, I really hope that’s okay, It’s not because I don’t think you’re capable of getting your own picture, I just-”

A fit of giggles escapes from your lips. “How are you even more adorable than I imagined?” 

He blushes as you try to stop laughing. 

But you can’t help it. All your worries and fears melt away and you’re left with all you ever wanted: sitting across from the blushing hero Deku in a cafe, pure happiness running through your veins. 

You don’t even notice the paparazzi capturing the moment from the bushes outside. 

TAGLIST: 

@gallickingun @prismaroyal @wesparklebitch @bnha-violetnote @sunflower-kami-boi @shoutosteakettle @strwbrry-lia @ee-blue @shoutodoki @sadistiks @knifeewifee @viceofaladriel @saltie @khemz1312 @frenchspeakingfilipina @tessaisalbright @katsumi-kaminari @pixxiesdust @izukuwus​

[harley-sunday]

The Draw - Epilogue

Summary: The whirlwind starts at the 2018 ACE Comic Con in Phoenix but you’re not sure where it will end…

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader (unnamed OFC)

Warnings: Language.

Word count: 1.9k

AN: This it. It’s done. I don’t really know what to say other than that I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. The ending (part 17) was supposed to be something completely different up until last week, when eL convinced me to take the angsty-route. I’m glad she did, because it allowed me to include a piece in the epilogue I wrote a long time ago but never really got to use until now. Thank you, sweets! Here it is, guys, enjoy! ♥

Masterlist

His collar is up and his hands are tucked deep into the pockets of his jacket because it’s cold, much colder than it usually is this time of year anyway. He looks up at the dark sky and wonders if there’s any snow in the clouds that slowly drift by, trying to remember if he’s heard anything about it on the news earlier that day but not recalling a weather warning going out. 

He’s on his way home after another meeting with his lawyer, who, for some reason, always insists they meet in a restaurant rather than his office. It’s never during normal business hours either but always late at night, and always somewhere else. At first he was fine with the arrangement but it’s starting to annoy him that the restaurants have become increasingly more expensive and he’s always the one that ends up footing the bill. As if he doesn’t pay his lawyer enough to help him come out of this messy divorce as unscathed as possible. 

He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the guilt that he feels about wasting three years of his life in a loveless marriage that never had a chance of succeeding in the first place. His therapist tells him to look at it as personal growth, but he doesn’t agree, not really, anyway. At least the court date has been set, he thinks, and this should all be over and done with two weeks from now.

He quickens his pace as he lets his mind wander, taking long strides, looking straight ahead and not paying much attention to the few people that are out this late. Most of them ignore him too. It’s New York after all. For a moment he debates the option of hauling a cab to get him out of this cold but he dismisses the idea quickly. He likes the walk home from downtown, it gives him an opportunity to clear his head and helps with the insomnia that sometimes bothers him. 

Crossing the street absentmindedly there’s something on the other side that catches his eye. He does a classic double take and then shakes his head, not quite believing what he sees. He must have walked by these storefronts at least a dozen times and tries to recall if the art gallery has always been there, but he simply can’t remember. The black canvas that’s displayed in the window is illuminated from above by a single light bulb, highlighting the various brush strokes going from left to right and top to bottom. He knows it’s called ‘Love’ before even looking at the little card pinned to the bottom right corner, and it’s like someone’s punched him in the gut. He first saw it a few years ago, when it was still a work in progress, standing on an easel in her guest bedroom in Charlotte, the paint still wet, and the black somehow less black. 

It’s then he notices the lights inside the building are on and it’s like his body has a mind of its own and before he knows it he’s on his way in. A bell chimes above his head as he enters and he hears a chair being pushed back in response somewhere. The space he’s in is long and narrow, only about fifteen feet wide, but the ceiling’s high and makes it feel more spacious than it is. There’s a wall about forty feet in, with a door that’s slightly ajar, and music flowing in from the back room, some song he thinks he recognizes but hasn’t heard in a long time. 

“I am so sorry but we are closed,” the voice is soft, coming from behind the door, but he would recognize it anywhere and he chokes up a little at the familiarity of it all. The door opens a little more then and all of sudden she’s there, exactly like he remembers her, “I must have forgotten to-” but she doesn’t finish her sentence because it’s then she sees him. Her eyes widen in shock and she actually drops the paintbrush she’s holding, her eyes never leaving his.

“Hey,” he says with a foolish grin, because never in a million years did he expect to run into her again, not here, and definitely not tonight.

“Hey,” she mimics, her eyes softening and the hint of a smile on her lips.

He takes the few steps needed to get to her, and for a moment he hesitates, unsure if she’d let him, but then he throws his arms around her and pulls her in for a hug. He can feel her smile against his shoulder, and he presses a kiss into her hair, because God, does it feel good to hold her again. 

“Here you go,” 

He takes the beer she hands him and waits until she’s uncapped hers before he raises it in a toast. She clinks her bottle against his and takes a swig and he follows suit. 

They’re sitting on the floor of what turns out to be her art gallery, their backs against the far wall, looking out on the dark street on the other side of the window. She turned the lights off before she brought him his beer, except for the lone bulb illuminating ‘Love’, and it feels like they’re in a little bubble, shielded from whatever’s going on outside and if someone told them he’d have a way of making this little moment in time last forever, he’s sure he would. 

He’s taken his jacket off, using it as something to sit on after she admitted she’s only got one chair here, his legs stretched out in front of him and his head resting against the bare brick wall. He’s got a million questions for her but he’s not sure where to begin and so he takes another sip of his beer instead, letting the silence settle between them.

She’s sitting next to him, close enough that her arm brushes against his whenever she takes a drink and it feels like there are little electric currents running through him every time she does. She looks up at him then, her eyes narrowed, almost as if she’s studying him, “You ok?”

He wants to tell her he’s fine, great even, but the way she looks at him tells him she’ll see straight through any bullshit answer he’ll try to give and so shakes his head, “Not really.” 

“Talk to me,” 

He opens his mouth to say something but then decides against it. They haven’t seen each other in four years and so much has happened but none of it they went through together and-

“It’s ok if you don’t want to,” her voice is soft and kind. She clears her throat then, “It’s just- I’ve read the articles about your divorce and- Well, the accusations she's made and- I don’t know, Seb, I figured maybe it has something to do with why you’re out this late.” 

“Yeah,” 

“I’m sorry.” 

He lets out a heavy sigh because he doesn’t want to bother her with everything that’s going on in his life, not really, but he also knows she’s a good listener and there’s no one he’d rather talk to than her right now. Looking down he plucks at the edge of the label on his beer bottle, deciding then to be honest with her, “I guess I should have fought harder, should have made it work, I-” another sigh, “They say you never know what you got ‘till it’s gone, right?” 

He sees her nod out of the corner of his eye, and then her hand’s on his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze and it’s like a bolt of lightning runs through him, “Then why don’t you?”

His eyebrows knit together in confusion, “Why don’t I, what?”

“Fight,” she explains. “Try to make it work. If that’s really how you-” 

“Would you let me?”

“I-” she hesitates and pulls her hand back then, “What?” 

“I wasn’t talking about her,” he confesses quietly and when he looks up at her he sees her eyes are wide in shock. He tries to smile, “It’s always been you.” 

“Oh,” she breathes, her eyes a little glossed over now. She doesn’t say anything else and he doesn’t really know how to go from here so he keeps quiet too. But then she puts her beer down and stands up, holding out her hand to him, “Come on, I wanna show you something.”

He takes her hand and lets her pull him to his feet. She doesn’t let go when she leads him to the front of the gallery, her hand warm against his, and when he gives it a gentle squeeze she smiles at him from over her shoulder and it warms his heart in ways he hadn’t thought possible.

She stops in front of a painting, reaching behind it to turn on the searchlight, the warm light casting a golden glow on the canvas. “I made this one right after we broke up,” she says, her voice a little rough, “took me forever to finish because I couldn’t stop crying.” His heart breaks a little, but she dismisses her statement with a wave of her hand, “I got there in the end. It was like therapy.” A smile then, “I submitted it to a local art competition and I don’t know-” she shrugs but he can tell it’s important, “People seemed to really like it. Someone actually wanted to buy it but I couldn’t- I would never.” 

She gestures around her then, “This is all because of that.” He must look confused because she continues, “I kept painting, had some of my work on display in local art galleries, but it wasn’t until I decided to quit my job after Deb retired last year and Mark got appointed as her successor that things really took off. More art shows meant I sold quite a few pieces, enough so I could open my own art gallery anyway.” She looks up at him, “I don’t really know how I ended up in New York, but,” another shrug then, “here I am.”

“Here you are,” he agrees quietly. He doesn’t know how these things work, if it’s karma or faith or destiny he has to thank for this, but he likes to believe that her coming back into his life at this exact moment was meant to be and he vows right then and there to never let her go. There’s still so much he wants to tell her, has to tell her, and he’s sure the same goes for her, but it doesn’t matter. Not now anyway. Now he just says, “If you’ll let me, I’m willing to fight.” He squeezes her hand, “For you.”

“Me too,” she whispers. “For you,” she looks at him then, “and for us.” She lets go of his hand a little, only so she can intertwine her fingers with his, leaning into him, her other hand on his arm. She nods towards the painting, “Do you like it?”

He looks at it then, really looks at it, taking in the different shades of green she’s used, which, even when they’re on opposite sides of the canvas, seem to pull towards each other, always meeting or almost meeting in the middle, and somehow he just gets it. “I do.”

“It’s called ‘The Draw’.” 

[popculturebuffet]

Pinky and the Brain: Brain’s Song Review or Why You Hatin on Bruce Willis? (Comissioned by BlahDiddy)

Hello, Hello, Hello you wonderful people! It’s back to the Animaniacs Cinematic Unvierse for some more pinky, pinky and the brain brain brain brain brain, as I still have those two christmas reviews left in the queue. And since I went over the ins and outs of the characters history last time, we can just get right to it. 

We open in Acme Labs, where Brain, tired of pinky’s antics is trying to a clockwork orange him into being emotionless by having him watch some emotional stuff. We also get some good gags but as usual for coveirng this show I can’t stop and cover every one, but this is a damn funny episode Point is Brain tries showing him things like evil kenivel and prscilla presley’s dear john letter to micheal jackson.. this episode has not aged well in places and we will get to that. Point is Pinky’s already tearing up when we get to a pastiche of the lion king but with tigers, which naturally opens the flood gates.. but in a nice twist it’s for BOTH of them. Brain despite himself can’t help sobbing and leaning into his buddy and the two hug. awwww.  Pinky tells him there’s no shame in it as “No one can resist emotionally manipulative story telling with a sad score.. except maybe g gordon liddy”.. I don’t get that last part, but the rest is really funny and naturally gives brain an idea: to make his OWN emotionally manipulative film. to make people so depressed they can’t do anything and wil lhand him the world. Making a supercut of bojack horseman’s gutpunching moments would be faster but neither supercuts nor that show exist yet so he’s left to instead write a pastiche of the movie Brian’s Song.  Brian’s Song is a tv movie about football players Brian Picollo and Gale Sayers, two star football players in college. According to tv tropes the two start out as rivals, become friends, Picollo helps Sayers recover from an injury.. then Sayers stays by Picolllo’s side as he slowly subcumbs to cancer. I only vaugely remembered it from I love the 80s and that it made people sad. Look i’ll go to the moon and back for comissions, even ones given out as a gift, but I draw the line at watching an entire 70′s tv movie, even with the unstoppably cool Billy Dee Williams starring in it as Sayers. I have limits.. and a best episodes of the year list to work on/watch the last few episodes for. I gotta draw a line somewhere.  That said.. this team knows how to do GOOD parody: i.e. you shoudln’t have to know the thing being parodied to get it, it just makes it even funnier. So while the Brian’s Song parody is lost on me, it still works as schmaltzy sports movies captalizing on real life events never died. SOMEHOW. Please stop hollywood, please, I know i’m not a sports guy but even that aside we don’t need any more. Or if your not going to at least give us a revivial of friday night lights. That’s how you make me care about sports. SO it still works well.  What dosen’t is most of the next bit, where our boys head off to hollywood. And look some bits are really funny: Brain having a rat tail and goatee

Don’t ask me why, pinky, who weirdly dosen’t have his own mechanical human suit, as his agent, it’s good. And what’s GREAT is the two pitching the film to tom hanks, the nicest guy in hollywood, only for him to throw a tantrum and demand they call him lord ruler. Given Hanks is STILL the nicest guy in hollywood to this day.. the joke is sitll hilarious, helped by the fact he’s one of my mom’s faviorite actors, so i’ve grown up with the guy my whole life. Love the guy genuinely great stuff, easily on par with that bit from the simpsons movie.  But the issue is.. that’s the ONLY funny gag for the next three minutes, as Brain pitches it to bruce wilis, who is on board till demi reminds him he has to watch the kids and stuff. GET IT BECAUSE HE’S A FAMILY MAN... LAUGH, LAUGH AT HIM BEING A RESPONSIBLE AND LOVING PARENT LAUGGGHGHHH. Seriously Bruce Williams is awesome what the hell man.  It gets no better as we get an unfunny montage of eveyrone turning down brain including Donny Most, as he just rose from the haze

Sunday Monday, happy days. Point is that one bit was funnier than the handful of minutes of my life i’m not getting back. Seriously a fourth of the episode is wasted on thiis and the bruce willis bit combined. Why. The ONLY funny part is the ending where they get rejected by vanilla ice.. which is only funny now because he’s since made a small career in film showing up in Adam Sandler films, so his threshold for being in shit films is low. Then again his musical talent took a steep decline.. yes it somehow got worse. 

Just in case you think I was bullshitting you. Point is no one will star in Brain’s film or help fund it so he decides to go full wiseau and make it himself.  So our heroes head home and we get some great bits in how they put it together. Brain INTENDS for Meadowlark Lemon, who I somehow knew was a Harlem Globetrotter, and who Brain taught to play his sidekick.. but he backs out so PInky gets the part afterall. Why? I don’t know.. seriously the joke dosen’t even remotely synch up. The only things he and bill dee share are being black and if that’s the reason they wanted to shove a globetrotter in this...

Yeah. Thankfully we’re past the poorly aged bits of this as the rest of the episode .. is just nonstop hilarity. There’s just too many jokes to go over, but some of hte best include: Brain’s hairpiece, mimicing Jame’s Caan, which is made of lint, Pinky having to wear stilts for one scene, using a treadmill to mimic walking, pinky finding great sets by raiding the garage finding a barbie playset for the hospital room and a game of electric football for the field. Huh I think ken burns made a documentary on that once. 

That’s also the only reason I know what Electric Football is.. also how did pinky carry all of that. Questions for later. Point is it’s just one clever gag after the next and you really DON’T need to know Brian’s Song to find this uproriously hilarious. Our heroes also flim it live, hyjacking the airwaves not to offer wishes but to air the film. Again the film is just one long string of great gags, no question so I’m not recapping it. But it works and the world leaders are too bummed out to do anything. Insert your own 2020 joke here.  But in a nice chekovs callback Brain sustained injuries being on the electric football set, so he vibrates at inportune times, thus causing everyone to laugh, foiling his plan> It’s a great payoff and I do like how, as I mentioned in my last pinky and the brain review, it’s often Brain’s own fault and not ALWAYS just “pinky screws up” like I remembered. Here his insitance on doing the scene again and again depsite the risk and not acknowlding his pain screws him over. 

Final Thoughts; This is a pretty good episode. Despite the down spot the last half of it is just so damn funny, again I coudln’t properly recap it because it was just one long string of great jokes and set pieces, and trasncends the film i’ts parodying. Worth a watch if you have hulu just fast forward a bit after the tom hanks bit. Also that was Dave Colier, aka terrible replacment venkman aka uncle joey aka that guy who somehow had sex with alanis morsette but is probably not the one that song is about. It was about Alf, wake up people. And for now I bid you all goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

[dailybeastarsthings]

Chapter 7 - Lunch Date With My Victim 7.2. The Beginning Of A Bittersweet Friendship

‘Ah, finally!’ Kibi thought after slamming the door at Legoshi’s face, leaving him behind to get the roses for the Drama Club’s New Student Welcome Event. ‘I want to be as far from her as possible…’

As he was walking down the stairs, Kibi was thinking about the chat earlier that day between him and his two friends, Oryx, an antelope student, and Makoto, Mizuchi’s boyfriend.

‘Hey, Makoto, you’ve got some white fur on you’ Oryx said.

‘Really!? Where?’ Makoto asked.

‘Right here on your vest… and some here, too’ Oryx replied while taking small strings of fur off of the other’s vest.

‘Oh well… you see… the thing is… I had a date with this really cute dwarf rabbit’ Makoto said while giggling. He was kind of embarrassed after being caught red-handed, but he was still proud. Typical male behavior.

‘What?’ Kibi yelled in frustration. ‘Don’t you have a girlfriend?’

‘Yeah… So tell me, how are you the “best rare species couple” again?’ Oryx added.

‘You’re only saying that because you don’t know her! She’s really cute and she’s fun to talk to. She’s super refreshing and really sexy, too!’ Makoto replied to the attacks.

‘Now hold on a minute…’ Oryx said with a mysterious look on his face. ‘Is she in the Gardening Club?’

‘Well… I think so.’

‘Her body is pure white. Not a single stripe or mark.’

‘Umm… How do you know this?’ Makoto’s frustration started to grow.

‘She has a bad sleeping posture and when she’s done she makes sure to clean up the room before getting out.’

‘WHAT!? Did you sleep with her, too?’ Makoto felt his heart sink. He thought that he could finally find someone to spend quality time with just to get his hopes trampled on by someone else. And maybe not just one candidate…

‘Wow, so that makes sense. I bet she doesn’t care whether her targets are single or taken…’

‘You mean… she’s using other males as fodder, too? No wonder she seemed so experienced…’

The topic of the conversation made Kibi uncomfortable. He believed that such private matters are not to be discussed with others, even if those others are friends or family. He just wanted to leave but Oryx’s description of the rabbit girl stuck with him…

‘Fodder? Come on, she’s just a bunny’ he said.

‘Nope. That’s a good word. Once she catches you, she’ll swallow you whole and spit your bones out. You better watch yourself. Females like her are more savage than any carnivore could ever be.’

Those words resonated in Kibi’s head for a long time.

‘Well… I don’t think she’ll do any of that to a wolf. Especially not Legoshi…’ And with that, Kibi left the Gardening Club behind for good.

***

The cafeteria was packed with animals of all sizes. During afternoon hours, the cafeteria served as gathering and meeting point for students, enjoying cakes, coffee and other desserts, which were served. These items were not part of the daily menu but they were always available.

As Legoshi and Haru were standing in the line, they felt the many looks on them from others. It made them feel quite uncomfortable. They didn’t say a word to each other or others. The silence was almost deafening. It was Haru, who finally began to break down the wall between them.

‘So, what are you getting? Personally, I was thinking about getting a raspberry shake with some sweet berry and yogurt parfait.’ she said.

Legoshi looked at her kind of awkwardly. He felt uncomfortable by the looks around him. He didn’t quite know how to answer such a question. What should he ask for? Something he would like or something more preferable by herbivores to avoid scaring her? He looked at the menu again and carefully read it through.

‘What should I get? Cherry pies are too sticky for me and I’d just make a mess of myself… I don’t really like parfaits… Coffee makes my breath smell bad… Caramel-apple pies are too sweet… Key lime pies are kinda good, but this kitchen lady always burns the bottom of it… wait… They have egg sandwiches! Jackpot! And perhaps a glass of red berry juice!’

‘So?’ Haru asked with a curious look on her face, trying to figure out the thoughts of the wolf, who both seemed confused and annoyed at the same time.

‘Oh, sorry!’ Legoshi replied. ‘I totally zoned out. But I think I’ll get an egg sandwich and a glass of red berry juice. I hope me eating an egg sandwich in front of you isn’t offensive or anything to you.’

‘Don’t worry about that, I don’t mind carnivores eating foods like that. Plus, you need eggs for cakes and such, so…’ Haru said.

When it was their turn, Haru asked for their meals. The kitchen lady served them without a word but even she couldn’t help herself and send a judging look towards them.

‘I guess it’s unusual for others to see a large carnivore and a small herbivore having snacks together?’ Legoshi thought. They searched for a seat and then finally sat down near one of the giant oaks in the hall. With each passing student, they were disgusted expressions, or being gossiped about. It started to become frustrating for both of them…

‘Why don’t we get to know each other a little better to deter our minds from what others might be thinking about this whole situation of us eating together?’ Haru suggested.

‘That would be amazing’ Legoshi replied. He felt kind of nervous though. He had no idea how to have a proper conversation with others.

‘Awesome, you go first!’ Haru said.

Legoshi took a deep breath and began.

‘My name is Legoshi. I’m a grey wolf, as you can see, and I’m a second year student. I’m a stagehand in the Drama Club. I like…’

‘Wait!’ Haru interrupted. ‘This is not some sort of job interview or speed dating, take your time and don’t just throw information at me. Why don’t we take turns?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Let me make an example. I’m Haru. I’m a third year Netherland dwarf rabbit and I’m the only member of the Gardening Club. I like taking care of plants and listening to music. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?’

‘Well… I don’t really know to be honest. I like bugs and reading weather reports. I’m really happy when they report about the possibility of rain.’

‘I see. And what do you like about insects?’

‘That they can’t hurt me like others. Most of them seem to like me because I’m trying to be as gentle to them as possible.’

‘I understand you. Sometimes others just hurt you or spread rumors about you just because you’re different from them.’

‘What kind of rumors are they spreading about you?’

‘It always changes. Gossip spreads among small animals like wildfires. But it doesn’t really bother me anymore. The latest is that I prey on male students to spend my nights with. I guess that’s a pretty good explanation as to why others are looking at us like that.’

‘I’m sorry about that. I can just go if this makes you uncomfortable…’

‘You don’t have to. I don’t care what they think about me. But enough of that. What do you do as a stage hand?’

‘Well, I take care of the lights and help out the costumes department. I also run errands the leaders ask me to do, like getting supplies, asking for help and such. I also do the cleaning most of the time since wolves’ vision is pretty good in the dark, so we can save money on the electric bill.’

‘That’s awesome. How does your night vision work? I’m usually blind in the dark.’

‘Well, I mostly see stuff as I see them in the light but they are a bit darker in color. I think that’s the easiest way to describe it.’

The conversation went on for a good few hours. Legoshi and Haru ended up having dinner together, too. They talked about school issues, common interests, likes and dislikes. They enjoyed their time together with quite a lot of laughing included. It was almost 8 pm when they realized how much they kept talking.

‘Goodness, look at the time!’ Haru said. ‘I honestly can’t remember when was the last time, I enjoyed myself with someone this much.’

‘Me too. It was nice getting to know you. But I have to run now. I have some homework to take care of. See you around’ Legoshi said while waving goodbye.

‘Bye, Legoshi’ Haru said with a smile. After a long time, she felt like she met a genuinely nice character. ‘There is still some good in this world. Don’t lose your light, Legoshi.’ she thought.

As Legoshi was leaving the cafeteria, he bumped into Kibi. He was still kind of frustrated after he used his excuse against him but he still felt a bit thankful so he could at least have a nice afternoon.

‘Hey, Legoshi!’ Kibi said. ‘I’m sorry I left you there. I was waiting for you to come back.’

‘Kibi… Why did you leave me there?’ Legoshi replied.

‘Before that, did anything happen?’

‘No, not really.’

‘Really? That’s good. So… The reason I was running down the stairs four steps at a time was because I was afraid of running into trouble.’

‘Well, there wasn’t any trouble, so what were you afraid of?’

‘Well, there’s this bunny who’s pretty famous around the herbivores. Apparently, she seduced many males and she’s really dangerous to be around… Basically, she’s a slut’ Kibi sighed. ‘Hard to believe, right? She looks so quiet, too… But hey, she wouldn’t try to make a move on a wolf, right? Did she say anything to you?’

Legoshi couldn’t believe what he just heard from Kibi. His words tasted like lead and were just as toxic. He couldn’t believe others would spread such rumors just because of someone being different. After a moment of thinking, he answered.

‘She did. She told me that she really cares about her flowers… She treats them like her own children. I want to talk to the stage crew to suggest getting the flowers from some place else. I think she has some issues, but she is a nice girl if you get to know her a little more. But I have to go now. Bye!’

With that, Legoshi left Kibi behind, who just couldn’t quite process Legoshi’s words. He couldn’t believe how mature he acted despite his young age. He stared after him as the wolf was slownly disappearing in the crowd.

[acrobaticcatfeline]

Of Books, Brothers, and Broadway (Creativitwins College AU) Chapter One!!!

Word Count: 1771

TW: So Remus, obviously, swearing, ocean mentions, sea creatures and reptiles, and I think that’s it!

Pairings: None yet. This chapter is just a ton of platonic creativitwins!

Notes: This is three pages that I wrote last night. I’m now at ten pages of this. I don’t know what I was possessed by but I’m not about to complain. Its a college AU, I mention it I think, but Roman is a theatre major and Remus is a marine biology major with a minor in creative writing. I’m excited for you guys to see more of this!

Summary: “Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!” Roman and Remus Reyes live together. They figured it would be cost effective to do so while in college. Roman deals with Remus’ reptiles and fish tank, Remus deals with Romans singing at 3 in the morning. They’ve had an interesting relationship, and when Remus reminds Roman of a deal they made years ago, hes ready to start crying. Can a couple of kids from Florida make a Broadway musical?

“Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!”

Roman was done with his brothers bullshit. He doesn't know where he got the bright idea that the two of them should cohabitate in an apartment during college, but as he panickedly climbs onto the kitchen counters to escape him he knows he must've been on some sort of drug. He released a scream as he backed into the corner of the room as his brother held out a lizard that was definitely going to jump and attack him.

“GET IT AWAY!!! ITS SLIMY AND GROSS AND MALICIOUS!!!”

“This little guy malicious? Nah bro, that's a you problem. He's so cuteeee look at his scales they’re almost a holographic!”

That caught Roman's attention. He stopped panicking to actually look at the critter in his brother's hands. Remus was right, he was almost holographic. Roman gave it a weak smile and Remus beamed.

“See? It's not that scary! I'm gonna keep him! He's gonna be named fred!”

Roman chuckled softly as his brother finally left and brought the lizard to his room. He slipped off the counter and followed at a safe distance.

“Don't you think you have enough reptiles? If you keep getting more you'll need more heat lamps and i'm giving you more of the electric bill”

“Ok fair point but hear me out, have you ever seen a collared lizard quite as colorful as this one? I mean he's such a pretty one aint he?”

Roman took more steps forward, relaxing once the lizard was placed in the terrarium. The lizard was quite colorful, and Roman couldn't deny, it was one of the prettiest ones Remus had captured. It immediately scurried around and dived into the water bowl. Roman laughed at it.

“Besides, he was just begging to be brought in! Like really this time! He kept bumping into my feet, he started climbing my pants leg, it was so cute you should've seen it!”

“I'm sure I would have cried.”

Remus chuckled as he moved to the other wall of his room covered in a giant aquarium that Roman was still amazed fit through the doors. Remus grinned at all the fish swimming around, tipping a good portion of fish food into the tank after turning off the filter. He then made his way to his bed and sat on the twin sized mattress covered with octopus blankets. He grinned at his brother and Roman rolled his eyes.

“When are you finally kidnapping an octopus huh?”

“I'm glad you asked! You know my internship right?”

“Of course, the only time you don't talk about the marine institute is when youre talking about your reptiles”

Remus popped up and grabbed Roman's wrist and dragged him to the whiteboard calendar that hung on the outside of his door, pointing excitedly at tomorrow's date while bouncing on his toes.

“Well they just got an octopus buddy in that needs constant care that they don't have the time for! She's real fucked up, she needs meds twice a day, she needs to be hand fed, its a real fucked up case, they were rescued from a seaworld copycat, the poor thing hasn't been healthy since it hatched we think. There's a chance that she won't even be able to be released cuz she's been so dependent on humans for her whole life. But they opened up for applicants, and I was the only one willing to take her in. they're coming and checking my tank tomorrow and if it is good enough, which i'm certain it will be, and then they'll hand her over and i’ll be her caretaker!”

Roman grinned at the excitement his brother had. He ruffled his hair quickly.

“That's cool rem. I'm happy for you. She got a name?”

“Mhmm! Her name is Cephanie! But I've been calling her Cephy. She's so pretty ro, i can't wait for you to meet her! And she's so friendly!”

“You know every day I get less confused at your choice in major. And more confused about your minor”

Remus grinned at Roman and released his wrist, skipping over to their kitchen, relishing in the fact that Roman followed still. He poured himself a cup of coffee and jumped onto the counter with a grin still plastered to his face. He took a sip from his mug, the one with a tentacle handle, and kicked his feet.

“I don't know why! It's totally sensical to have a minor in creative writing ro! It's not like you can expect me to be your playwright if i don't know what i'm doing! Besides, i can write epic lovecraftian horrors that aren't incredibly racist and who doesn't want that?”

Roman blinked. He had to process what Remus had said and he was still confused. His head tilted like a dogs.

“My playwright?”

Remus giggled, it was funny when Remus giggled, it wasn't a sound that you would expect to come out of him. And yet he did it often.

“Did you forget? Aw ro, you can't back out on it now, you asked me when we were still in middle school to write you a book for a musical, and you were gonna write the music and you kept saying you were gonna get it on broadway. I've held up my end of the deal! In fact, I actually have a story started, I think you're gonna love it! Course, i haven't written it all out yet, it's gonna be my final”

“Wait, you remembered that? Rem we were like 10!”

“And now we’re 21, what's your point?”

“We, we can't get on broadway! We’re a couple of idiots from florida! I’m, i'm not a musician, I'm barely even a dancer, what are you talking about? That was a fever dream from a couple of kids, it's not like we can actually do it!”

Remus frowned. He set his mug of coffee down and hopped off of the counter. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Roman a serious look.

“Do you know when lin manuel miranda wrote his first broadway musical?”

“No i-”

“His sophomore year of college. Who says we can't do the same? Roman you under sell your talents. You're a theatre major, you may not be amazing at any instruments other than your voice but damn bro, your voice is good enough on its own. I've seen you dance, you're one of the best dancers i've ever seen and you're in your fourth year of college. We have potential. I know we can do this if we try, but i can't make it happen alone. I need your help”

Roman looked lost. He wanted, oh so desperately he wanted, to make it happen. It had always been a dream of his to make it to broadway, but he wasn't wrong, they weren't lin manuel miranda, they were some twins from florida, they had no idea what they were doing. And yet. And yet he held out his hand to his brother.

“Ok. ok, we can try this. I can, I can make a score. We can do this”

Remus grinned again and took Roman's hand. He tugged him into the living room. He sat on the couch, pulling out his notebook and flipping to a bookmarked page. Roman sat next to him and looked over at it. There were a few doodles around a plotline that was both gorey and Romantic a la sweeney todd but also quite similar to ella enchanted. Remus grinned at the book and then started explaining.

“Ok so the main character, played by you presumably, is an author”

“Did you just write out your personal fantasy Remus?”

“No, shut up! Ok so he's written several books, like neil gaiman or terry pratchet level several, but those aren't all the stories he's made, he has several stories that have never seen the light of day. He writes his stories in notebooks and journals ordinarily, waiting until they’re fully developed to make them digital. In one of these notebooks there lies a bit of magic. So he writes in this unknowingly, writes of a powerful magician, and as he sleeps it awakes. The magician escapes and brings each of his hundreds of creations to life just the same as him. The characters run amok and the author awakes to see the most beautiful man he's ever met at the foot of his bed. It takes him seeing the magician running through his home to realize that these are his characters. And the man is the protagonist from his most famous novel, one he wrote as a guilty pleasure, writing of a man he had met in his dreams. And he finds that these characters were pulled from different points in their books. The character had been pulled from the early pages, after he had suffered a major trauma and had no clue of the powers he possessed. So now, with his dream man in his living room, in pain from an event he had written, and gifted with emotionally driven powers, he has to fix this mess with the added hurdle of the character creating villains and fiends ready to destroy humanity as a whole with no way to stop. Along the way, some of his characters suffer mortal wounds at the hands of heinous and violent creatures, and all the author has is one magic notebook to fight them off. Romantic plot between the author and dream MC, with angst from the reality of once everything is dealt with, he will have to go back to the book. Thats what ive got so far, what do you think?”

Roman is starry eyed. It's far less violent than Remus’ normal brand of writing, it doesn't inherently include any sea monsters or snake men, and it's something Roman can really appreciate. He loves it, he can already feel the gears turning for songs and dances. Now that he heard the actual story instead of just going on the drawings, he saw far more nutcracker vibes from it. 

“Oh, and there's a happy ending or whatever that the author gets to like, marry the other MC, and everyone lives happily ever after. I know you like the cutesy shit”

“Remus this is amazing! I can't believe I hesitated, I already have some ideas for the score! Remus you're a genius. I love you!”

Roman launched into a hug with Remus, which had the other laughing. Remus hugged him back.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

It was Roman's turn to turn into a giggling mess.

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Thank you for reading I will see you later ladies lords and nonbinary royalty!!!

[trevorbarre]

A Groovy Chick (Corea)

And so, another meta-obituary., so shortly after that for John Russell.

I found out this morning about the passing of Chick Corea on Tuesday of this week, at the grand age of 79, leaving in his ‘wake’ recordings that span six decades. Corea really only impinged on my listening life for a couple of years, 1973 and  1974, but, as with all musicians who enter one’s sphere of influence in the teenage years, however briefly, their work can leave a profound mark, and so it was with myself and Chick Corea. This short piece thus cannot pretend to any degree of an longitudinal overview, which will no doubt be provided by many other writers, but this is my own small acknowledgement of his undoubted richly deserved place in the room of ‘jazz greats’.

Like so many others of my generation, I first came across the (electric, or should that be eclectic?) piano work of Chick Corea on those pivotal Miles Davis albums, 1968′s Filles de Kilimanjaro (on two tracks only, however), 1969′s In a Silent Way, and Bitches Brew/Live at Fillmore from 1970. I was entranced by the keyboard tapestries created by Corea, Joe Zawinul, Herbie Hancock and Keith Jarrett, shimmering fields that provided the underlay for Miles’s magic carpet. As with Jarrett (whose recording career also now sadly, through illness, appears to be at its end), I moved towards the then-nascent ECM Records to explore what mischief these two great young keyboardists were getting up to elsewhere.

Jarrett had produced his very first solo album Facing You, and Ruta + Daitya  (with Jack de Johnette) in 1971, two far less grandiose projects than the Miles experiment, and Chick soon came up with two discs of miniature masterpieces, Solo Piano Improvisations 1 + 2 , also in the same year. I was entranced by these albums, as I was generally with all the early ECM recordings (1969-1973), which include the Corea trio with Dave Holland and Barry Altschul called A.R.C. (ECM 1009), a direct precursor to the short-lived quartet Circle (basically A.R.C. + Anthony Braxton) and their epochal double album Paris Concert (ECM 1018/9), which was about as far-out as Corea ever got. Growing tensions between Corea’s more ‘commercial’ ambitions and Braxton’s ‘concept’, and, perhaps linked to this, the former’s enthusiastic adoption of Scientology, led to a fracture after only a few months. Corea went on his merry way to considerable popular successes (L. Ron, rather than Freddie, Hubbard?), and the Chicagoan took Holland and Altschul on a more more ascetic journey (i.e to the celebrated Braxton Quartets of the mid-1970s, with Kenny Wheeler and George E. Lewis). The mid-70s iteration, the Return To Forever ‘Elektric Band’ left most of us in little doubt as to which group was the more creative and challenging, but ‘challenging’ was presumably seldom the ‘clear’ Corea’s main motivation? 

Corea stayed with ECM for the 1972′s marvellous Return to Forever (ECM 1022), which was a perfect meeting of post-bop jazz and Spanish(ish) tinges, and which remains one of ECM’s ‘instant classics’. I lost interest with Corea soon after, disappointed with his subsequent Light as a Feather (again with Flora Purim and Airto Moreira), moving on to other musical challenges in that most amazing of eras for recorded musics. I did, however, manage to catch a slightly later live iteration of a subsequent Return to Forever (in 1974, perhaps, with Bill Connors and Lenny White, I think?), but came away more impressed with the supporting band, none other than good old UK ‘chin-scratch modernists’, Henry Cow. Corea, of course, like Hancock and Jarrett (the latter with indecent haste), eventually returned to the acoustic piano and jazz’s ‘classical virtues’, as it were, but I’ll always remember him as portrayed on the 1970 Isle of Wight ‘Call It Anything’ performance by the Miles Davis septet of the time, all hunched up intensity and exhilaration, a young pianist who knew he was going places (and had been since his earliest recordings in 1966). 

Here was a jazz musician, who will engender many much-deserved tributes to a variegated career, across a range of styles and idioms. His enthusiastic adoption of Scientology many years ago makes some of us wonder whether this was some sort of puzzling oyster grit, but I always like it when an artist leaves a degree of ambiguity in his legacy (even if  L. Ron Hubbard’s schtick was unambiguous in the extreme). Corea left much joy in his many recordings, and that very much should be enough, and very much what he wanted.