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mishasminions · 4 years

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The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15.

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

#THE LAST TIME I'LL CLOWN FOR THIS SHOW #SUPERNATURAL #DESTIEL #15x20 #15x19 #15x18 #UNTAGGED #INSIGHTFUL INSIGHTS

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basilhearsanoise · 3 years

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pleaseee elaborate on your homophobic sam take. it’s very compelling. i always thought sam’s early plotline with the demon blood was a queer allegory, but your explanation for his attitude towards dean’s bisexuality makes a lot of sense now that i think about it

WOW I'M A REAL SUPERNATURAL BLOG NOW YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THIS MADE MY DAY I WILL ABSOLUTELY ELABORATE THANK YOU

there are So Many Layers i probably won't even be able to get them all down but here's some major ones. from the get-go, sam is The Opposite of dean on so many issues, and essentially throughout the show they flip. this is most notably demonstrated by the fact that sam starts out as a Devout Christian (or at least we are to assume that he is christian given his approach to prayer, god, angels, etc) and by the end of the show sam is completely and utterly devoid of faith. whereas dean is like If There's A God In Heaven, What's He Waiting For? - Elton John.mp3 in the beginning of the show, and by the end he's like "i have faith in humanity, in spirituality, in CASTIEL, in MY SON JACK," by the end. but this is just one of the MANY issues they flip back and forth on, or just slowly and surely change their perspectives to be more like the way the other brother started.

1. should we tell people there are monsters? dean says "we can't tell anyone they exist the whole world will panic" vs. sam says "they have a RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE"

but also. are all monsters evil? dean says "yes, they kill innocent people and they killed my mother and destroyed my life, they ALL deserve to die" but sam says "SOME of them must be good....it's not THEIR FAULT they're disgusting, evil and eat people uwu"

monsters/cryptids/spirits/folklore etc have virtually always been, in some way shape or form, a queer allegory themselves. the shapeshifter arc spoke to me as a trans person on a deep personal level. dracula was essentially racist propaganda. so if we take this allegory to supernatural, and say, "acceptance of monsters = acceptance of queerness" dean's hatred of them is a hatred of himself, his own inner monster, his own internalized homophobia - in addition to the fact that because he IS a queer man who has been VICTIM to REAL VIOLENT homophobia before, it would make sense that he is #antifa #acab #kill all the nazis forever #don't waste time trying to make monsters good when you could save good people from them instead. which is like. a reasonable response to have to a group of people that systematically try to kill you. but that also makes sam's "oh pity the monster dean, don't kill it, FORGIVE, JUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO ~ REPENT ~ THEIR SINS" ....like, even in later seasons he is saying stuff like this, and while it's true that dean SHOULD forgive some of the monsters that sam says this about, it still reads to me as two major red flags of 1. forgive your abusers to be the better person and 2. "hate the sin, not the sinner" rhetoric. sam doesn't actually give a shit about any of these monsters he gives a shit about keeping his own ideological purity. he sounds like scary youth pastors i had as a child.

this is further demonstrated by the fact that as dean becomes more accepting of his sexuality as the show goes on, he becomes more accepting of monsters. that's benny's ENTIRE EXISTENCE AS A CHARACTER: "i accept this vampire because he is honorable, and manly, and looks really fuckin cute in suspenders." that's also why sam hates benny so much even though he's the one who's been like "but monsters can be good T__T" this whole time. what the fuck other reason would he have to hate benny so much?

this is also CLEARLY the ENTIRE subtext of the Demon Dean arc - Sam FLIPS OUT about him going off with crowley because he could FORGIVE one little crush on an angel, because of the fact that he's an angel, and also because dean wasn't "shoving his unholy lifestyle down everyone's throats" but demon dean is....loudly, angrily, gay. demon dean is a manifestation of all the gayness that dean has suppressed his whole life and now he's "too indecent" for sam. this is FURTHER demonstrated by the fact that crowley literally yells at dean to "pick a side" after demon dean sides with the slighted wife in a demon deal instead of the cheating husband, literally because of the fact that the husband says "men are just supposed to sleep around" and dean gets so mad about this sexism that he kills him.

this is dean not only rejecting sexism more than sam literally ever actually does in the show (everything he says about it reads to me as idle posturing Fake Woke Shit whereas dean is a sleazebag, but he's an Equal Opportunity sleazebag) but also his rejection of being pigeonholed as gay when he is, indeed, bisexual. crowley represents the biphobia that gay people enact on bi people, sam represents the homophobia that straight people enact on all queer people.

this brings me to the next part of sam's Not Niceness - he's like, actually 100% more misogynistic than dean is. i know i'm Not A Woman but like i am trans, queer, and not dumb. sam is a fucking sadist serial killer man who treats women like garbage the SECOND they are no longer useful to him, this is most clearly demonstrated when he doesn't have a "soul" but it existed in him basically from the get-go, he is painted as the "more emotionally mature one" but that reading became so inaccurate the show literally started making fun of his character for thinking that sappy fake shit could pass as sincere care for another human being. dean actually talks to women like they're people with feelings. he routinely identifies with the victims and is paralleled against them, especially if they are victims of childhood sexual assault. sam does not talk to women unless they serve some kind of purpose to his goals and is much more routinely depicted weirdly enjoying killing enemies that are women. sometimes not even for plot reasons, it's just weird shots that nobody thought to red flag because this show is. A MESS.

anyway. another example is the one that i mentioned in the post about the confederate soldier, the fact that sam is fucking racist and dean is at least, within the narrative, less racist.

ANYWAY, THERE'S STILL MORE I COULD TALK ABOUT BUT I'LL LEAVE IT AT THIS: sam is constantly telling dean that he's not being sensitive or poltically correct but every single time it comes off sounding like a straight person telling an actual gay person how not to be homophobic. like, please, sammy, touch grass. dean says: touch grass, kill nazis.

#supernatural #dean winchester #spn #soup #trans dean #bi dean #destiel #trans dean winchester #bi dean winchester #homophobic sam hot take

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thegeminisage · 3 years

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my secret galaxy brain reading of spn s11 is better than yours

or: why season 11 is good actually. this is a long-ass meta, so it's going behind the cut

some disclaimers before we get going

absolutely all of this is accidental. nobody does this shit on purpose. this is ~my interpretation~ or whatever. i'm not actually trying to argue the writers meant to do this lol. what i'm saying is that this is the way to make season 11 make sense in your brain because it makes sense in mine and it's one of my FAVORITES. it could be one of your favorites too if you stop limiting yourself

there is heavy discussion of sexual violence in this meta so read safely etc also spoilers for all of s11 obviously

unless you watched the anime, i've seen more supernatural than you have, so i'm right >:)

for the uninitiated, the basic plot of season 11 is that eons and eons ago, before there was heaven or hell or earth or humans or angels, there was only god (chuck) and the darkness (amara). amara kept destroying what god made, so he and the archangels locked her away in a cage, which removing the mark of cain from dean's arm opened. amara escaped and dean was the first thing she saw, so she spends the season using some kind of thrall over him to make him feel drawn to her and unable to hurt her, and also looking for chuck so she can give him a little payback.

ALRIGHT HERE WE GO

season 11 & sexual violence

you don't need to look very far to find examples of sexualized violence and outright sexual violence on supernatural, but s11 is lousy with it. just to name a few examples:

amara's "thrall" on dean, which we will absolutely get into more later

crowley's jokes about altar boys and the tastes of catholic priests

ALLLLL the pedophile jokes made when crowley was raising baby amara

angels torturing cas and threatening to cut his genitals off, only to send in hannah (an angel who formerly had unrequited romantic/sexual feelings for him) to play good cop(/honeypot??) in hopes of making him talk

the return of lucifer, who possessed sam (spn has a history of equating possession and sexual violence) and is heavily implied to have raped sam in hell, and the MULTIPLE times he menaces sam throughout this season, including forcibly touching his soul

lucifer possessing castiel and using him to enact violence on the winchesters, his loved ones

i absolutely REFUSE to acknowledge the lucifer/crowley stuff but if you know you know

the episode with the kissing curse, using "love" as a means to deliver death

dean's possession in the soul eater episode

the "chitters" monsters involving mating, orgies, and forcible impregnation

you get the idea

i could write a whole essay on almost all of these but for this post we'll be sticking mostly to dean & amara

@marcusantonius pointed out while we were watching season 11 that what amara does to dean is basically speedrun his two major attachments - sam and castiel. she starts out as a baby, someone in need of protection, and quickly grows into an adult who attempts to romance/seduce him. the feelings dean has around amara aren't feelings FOR HER, they're feelings he has for SAM AND CAS that are being TRANSFERRED onto her through means of her power. (this is important for later.)

what amara does to dean is sexualized violence bordering on outright sexual assault. compelling him to feel drawn towards her and to protect her, frequently getting in his personal space and touching his face, and even kissing more than once when he is quite literally unable to resist (it's stated many times that he is unable to kill or even harm her, so he is completely helpless in the presence of someone who makes no secret of her intentions for him, sexual or otherwise).

dean says many times that what he feels for amara is not love or desire or attraction. he can't put a name to it at all - not once in the entire series is he able to properly define this thrall she has over him, which leaves us the audience a little confused (amara asking "what IS happening between us?" in 11.06 as a teenager making sexual advances on a grown man does give me a good laugh, because it was written SO WEIRDLY)... BUT we know that it is definitely sexual in nature, and not at all something dean wants to be happening.

this is addressed kind of strangely in 11.13. the villain of the week is a witch moonlighting as a hairdresser, who puts a kissing curse on her clients. the curse must be passed along like a hot potato - if you kiss someone else, it's passed along to them. if they kiss someone else, it's passed along to them. but eventually, a monster called a qareen will show up in the form of "your deepest desire" and kill you, and work its way backwards to the original curse-ee. in the episode, dean kisses the vic (i'll point out this was also technically done w/o her consent, though it was a very businesslike kiss) to put the curse on himself and protect her. the qareen takes the form of amara, and she gives Dean this little speech:

Qareen!Amara: You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it's cloaked in shame. When it comes to this, you can’t help yourself, so why fight it? Just give in.

then, at the end of the episode, after dean reveals who the qareen was for him, we get this conversation between sam and dean:

Dean: You seriously think the sister of God is my deepest darkest desire? Sam: She isn't? Dean: No! She can’t be! Sam: Why not? Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I'm… Sam: Means you're what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah. Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She's the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I'm not.

the "shame" part of both of these is really what stuck out to me - the word itself isn't in the second passage, but dean's vibes are absolutely filled with shame. to me, this always read as being shame about the sexual violence and about the complicity/weakness that "allowed" that violence to happen.

and as a reminder, sam is just a few episodes past the confrontation with his own rapist (he returns to the cage to speak with lucifer in 11.09 & 11.10, and canonically struggles with what happened there even after the confrontation ends). sam made a point earlier in this episode of making sure the victim of the curse knew it wasn't her fault her husband died, but the fault of the witch who cast the curse. sam is VERY emotionally intelligent, and i honestly believe that he was speaking as one survivor of sexual violence to another here. what he's telling dean is something victims often need to be reminded of: it's not your fault. you weren't complicit, or weak. you didn't have a choice. you don't deserve blame or judgment.

we've had bad guys make sexual threats at both dean and sam many times before this and a few more times after, but as far as i can recall, this is the only conversation in the entire series that even attempts to address the impact of that particular kind of violence on dean. it's short, and strangely written, but nonetheless: there it is.

season 11 & the dean in the closet

for the purposes of this post, i'm not going to go through the entire series and find examples to try and prove dean is bi and has feelings for cas. if you don't believe that then what are you doing here? we're skipping to the goods.

actually, i always got annoyed at people who read the fake-amara's speech in 11.13 (or any of the other times people spoke about dean's shame regarding amara) as being about dean's sexuality, because in my mind it was ABSOLUTELY about his being a victim of sexual violence, which was far more important to me, as it is discussed far less often.

BUT, knowing what we know now (that cas was always canonically in love with dean, and it's all but canon that dean really was bisexual), i'm willing to entertain another notion:

Sam: ...you're what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah.

the "evil" bit never really sat right with me as part of the narrative of sexual violence, aside from touching on dean's general self-loathing, but it fits the narrative of being closeted MUCH better. dean, a self-hating homophobic bisexual, would probably use a similar word, if not something heavy as "evil," to describe the way he feels about other men. it's a malevolent feeling. (if you're like me and ascribe to the jackles headcanon that dean resorted to turning tricks to make food money when he was underage, we could also consider the extremely fucked up fact that almost every queer man dean's ever met is someone who hurt him.)

dean is ashamed of who and what he is, and the way he feels about cas. living like that, that's violence. he lives violently day in and day out with that feeling. (and amara knows it. it's worth nothing that she uses cas to communicate with dean MULTIPLE times in this season, both by carving messages on his body and psychically, through his own connection to dean - and when dean "betrays" her to rescue casifer, she's horrified at whatever she sees in his head.)

equating sexual violence to the violence of being closeted

but what's amazing about this weird badly-written little 11.13 conversation (and indeed, the season-long plotline of dean and his shame) is that we don't HAVE to assign it to the purposes of being about sexual violence OR about being closeted. it can be and IS both.

my favorite reading of this is that BEING IN THE CLOSET IS INHERENTLY A VIOLENT AND TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. many of the same feelings are involved: shame, guilt, self-loathing. sam's comforting words to dean - that he will not be blamed or judged - are equally applicable in both cases. dean is a victim of sexual violence, and he is also in the closet, and both of these experiences are traumatic ones, and they are intermingled with each other in a big way (again, if you're into dean-turned-tricks headcanon, they are intermingled INSEPERABLY - the sexual violence being one of the direct causes of dean not wanting to accept or address his own sexuality).

the bait-and-switch

the real galaxy brain moment of this whole thing begins at the end of 11.22 (an otherwise lackluster episode that played sam's lucifer trauma for laughs how dare they ugh god whatever that's off-topic but i HATE IT) when amara and chuck finally have the confrontation she's been fighting all season for. she is attacked by witches, demons, angels, and then stabbed by lucifer himself, before she's finally on her knees before chuck, and then we get this little exchange:

Chuck: I'm sorry. For this, for everything. Amara: An apology at last. What's sorry to me? I spent millions of years crammed into that cage alone and afraid...

maybe you already know where i'm going with this. a cage isn't so different from a closet when we're working with metaphors, right?

amara talks about her grievances with chuck many times throughout season 11 - that he was spoiled, that he created the earth to stroke his ego, that he couldn't handle her as she was. and once he finally makes his appearance he tells it his own way - that he had no choice but to lock amara away, that she couldn't stand the things and people he made, that he did it to protect people. but something about THIS conversation in particular - even though it's not written into the dialogue - gives me a particular kind of vibe.

there is something innately, unspeakably WRONG with amara. i don't mean unspeakable as in very bad, i mean unspeakable as in LITERALLY undefinable. it's just like dean being unable to put a name to the pull she has over him. no one talks directly at it or about it, they go in circles around it, but facts are facts: amara simply couldn't be allowed to exist as she was because there was just something innately wrong with her. and it's this conversation in particular, the first one they have together onscreen, that really slams that feeling home for me.

the entire time chuck and amara are talking, the camera repeatedly cuts to dean - he is so visibly upset that the first time i watched this, i was certain he was about to jump into the middle of things and put himself between the two of them. we're meant to believe that dean has trouble hearing this because he "cares" about amara, but i have a different take.

i think it's empathy. real, actual empathy - not the kind of feeling that amara had to force out.

stay with me here. eventually, after chuck tries to lock amara away again, she gets her second wind, attacks him, and leaves him for dead - and as he dies, the sun dies with him, and so too does all life on earth.

in the following episode, the finale, amara finds her way to a park, where she takes in god's creation, visibly upset as she realizes that his flowers die at her touch (again, hammering home the point that there is something innately wrong with her that means she cannot live in this world), and eventually speaks with an old lady feeding the birds.

Woman: Do you want to feed them? Amara: I shouldn't. Woman: I've been feeding these birds going on 20 years now. They're practically family. And I know that makes me sound like a crazy old bat, but...heck. My husband died a couple of years ago, and my son keeps slipping me these brochures for retirement communities - a.k.a. where they send old folks to die, but not to make a fuss about it. Amara: So you hate him. Woman: Well, a little bit. Sometimes. But you know family. Even when you hate them, you still love them.

this speech brings tears to amara's eyes. what's more, she spends this entire section with her hands in her lap. after a season of killing her way through humanity to get god's attention, she is afraid to touch these birds for fear of killing them. she feels empathy for them. she and dean are connected, after all - so as soon as he began to feel true, genuine empathy - so did she.

when dean shows up to kill amara (via a bomb made out of souls hidden in his chest), she immediately clocks his plan. she practically dares him to do it, and - he can't. he is, as always, helpless against her.

what dean does instead is talk to her. more importantly, he listens to her. when she says her brother sent dean here to execute her, he tells her chuck actually didn't want this - that it was actually his very last resort. he asks her if this, the death of everything, is what she wanted, and she tells him all she really wanted was payback. again, dean EMPATHIZES:

Dean: Yeah, that's revenge. It'll get you out of bed in the morning, and when you get it, it feels great... for about five minutes. I've been there. Me and Sam, we have had our fair share of fights—more than our share. But no matter how bad it got, we always made it right because we're family. I need him. He needs me. And when everything goes to crap, that's all you've got—family. Now you might be a—an all-powerful being...but I think you're human where it counts. You simply need your brother.

what's really neat about this section, and the scene before it where amara confronts her brother, is that they mark the first times dean felt any sort of genuine emotion for amara at all - one that she didn't force out of him or one that he felt for someone else that she just took for herself. dean genuinely EMPATHIZES with her - after everything she's done to him and his loved ones, and to the people on earth, dean sees the humanity in her. that's kind of his and sam's M.O., loving monsters into men - the number of non-human adversaries who eventually became allies because of the winchesters’ empathy or liking for them or even just their influence is staggering. cas, gabriel, meg, benny, crowley, rowena, metatron, to name a few off the top of my head - and now amara.

and then we get THIS:

Dean: You don't want to be alone. Not really. I mean, hell. Maybe that's why you wanted me. But deep down, you didn't really want me... 'cause I'm not him.

(emphasis mine)

and here's my galaxy brain take: dean empathizes with amara - TRULY empathizes with her - because they're both queer (or queer-coded).

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS NUTS BUT LISTEN. this weird creepy stalkery hetero "romance" was fake on both sides all along. dean and amara are the same. that unspeakable and innate wrongness lives in both of them. they're self-loathing and furious at god for his failures and callousness, outcasts in a world that isn't for them, a world that has HURT them simply on account of them being what they are. the violence done to amara was done to her BECAUSE of this unspeakable wrongness about her - her queerness, or her queer-codedness - and we already decided this was, for the purposes of this season, functionally the same violating and traumatic experience as sexual violence.

amara's been using dean to try and replace chuck this entire season. it's some weird comphet bullshit tied in with the fact that dean was the first part of chuck's creation she ever saw. it stands to reason then that she was trying to force dean to be with her and love her the way she wanted to force CHUCK to be with her. that's part of why she started life as a baby - as someone he'd protect as he did his own sibling.

so in some weird, warped, very roundabout way, amara was enacting on dean the violence that chuck enacted on her - making him feel the same shame and weakness that chuck made HER feel when he locked her away eons ago. if amara unknowingly replaced chuck with dean, then she also unknowingly took part of her revenge on him. the only way she knew how to love someone was to force them to do it, because the only ways she had ever been loved until now involved violence - until dean and his moment of genuine empathy.

consider this final speech:

Dean: Maybe I can kill you. Or maybe I can't. Maybe if I pull this trigger, we all live happily ever after, or maybe we die bloody, or maybe it doesn't matter, because maybe there's a different way. So I'm gonna ask you again. Put aside the rage. Put aside the hate. And you tell me...what do you want?

dean is the only person in BILLIONS of years to ask her this! one queer to another! and it turns out that and all she wanted - the ONLY thing she needed - was to be understood and accepted by her family. immediately after this, amara summons chuck to their park, and the two of them talk it out in what is genuinely a very moving scene. amara - perhaps because of her connection with dean, perhaps because she's finally admitted to herself that she does still love her brother - sees the beauty in the world now, and feels love for it, and she doesn't want to destroy it anymore.

and at the end, after she's made her peace with god, and the sun has been turned back on, amara says:

Amara: Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I want to do the same for you.

and what do we get at the end of this episode? mary winchester, risen from her grave. dean's family. and - SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 - though at first mary rejects dean (and sam) as being the same children she remembers from 1983, after a long and rocky road, at the end of the season, they eventually come to a reconciliation where she sees them for who they truly are. it's never ABOUT being queer because this show uses the fucking hays code when it comes to dean's sexuality, but it's still about being queer!!

dean gave amara what she needed - acceptance from her family - and she gave him that back in turn. all it took, the entire time, was one SHRED of empathy from one queer to another. all dean had to do was recognize her - REALLY recognize her - not as a replacement for sam or cas but as who she really was. and he saw himself in her, and the empathy that followed was genuine because it was the most natural thing in the world. in the end neither dean nor amara needed the "romance" they thought they did/were forced to want. they never did. they only needed acceptance and understanding.

supernatural is always about family and the power of love, and this season is no exception.

other great parts of season 11

if you're still not convinced, season 11 is full of other things that make it amazing:

GOD'S RETURN. after SIX YEARS he's back, this is canon, we finally get to hear what he has to say. they did more with him in a handful of episodes in this season than all of season 15

also, something else returns after six years. i'll give you a hint: it glows hot in god's presence. it was last seen being dropped into a motel trash can.

and of course the big one: lucifer and sam. what great callbacks to seasons 4-6 when lucifer and what he did to sam in hell was actually scary and mattered a lot! lucifer returns to being scary in this and i can't get enough of it.

this is also inseparable from sam's arc involving his faith - he begins praying again, having visions again, and is GUTTED when those prayers and visions lead him back to the place of his worst trauma. he gets to MEET GOD this season. it's fucking insane

the inherent melodrama of castiel, someone loved and trusted by the winchesters, being possessed by someone who they hate and who has hurt them. you get all of the sam drama with him accidentally trusting lucifer with his soul and his brother's life, and all the dean drama where he watches the devil run around in his boyfriend. also, misha collins does an uncanny impression of mark pellegrino. it's actually really creepy

somehow, they managed to make metatron, a deeply hated villain by all, ACTUALLY LIKEABLE. for TWO whole episodes. it was NUTS

this season starts off rowena's long arc with lucifer and her lucifer trauma that eventually becomes the catalyst of her bonding so profoundly with sam <3 best friends forever <333

sam and dean bond with a pair of canonically gay hunters who DON'T DIE

billie is introduced in this season and she's super hot and cool and awesome

eileen is also introduced in this season. her arc mirrors sam's so well, it's SO good. i never though i'd care about sam and a girl who wasn't jess, but i care about them SO MUCH it makes me insane. if you don't love eileen you're wrong!

anyway, watch season 11. it's weird but it's really fucking good. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[spn masterpost]

#supernatural #dean winchester #amara #supernatural meta #destiel #in a roundabout way #i needed a 5th tracked tag lol #i stayed up ALL NIGHT writing this but im gonna be a smartie and schedule it to go up at noon when ppl are awake #liz watches spn #liz's meta #liz's spn stuff #liz makes stuff #long post #just in case the cut fails #this meta really is 3800 words long lol #as a bonus it was implied in late season 10 that amara is the older sibling #even though they retconned it and made them twins later #like amara and dean are both eldest sisters.......

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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aaaahahahahahhhhhhahahh the worst thing Sam ever said to dean. 9.13, The Purge:

Dean: About what you said the other day.

Sam: I thought it didn’t bother you.

Dean: You know Sam, I saved your hide back there. I saved your hide at that church — in the hospital. I may not think things all the way through but when I do, it’s because it’s the right thing. I’d do it again.

Sam: And that is the problem. You think you’re my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in and even when you mess up you think what you’re doing is worth it because you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing more good than bad... but you’re not. Kevin’s dead, Crowley’s in the wind, we’re no closer to beating this angel thing, please tell me, what is the upside to me being alive?

Dean: Are you kidding me? You and me, fighting the good fight together.

Sam: Just once be honest with me, you didn’t save me for me. You did it for you.

Dean: What are you talking about?

Sam: I was ready to die, I was ready. I should have died. But you, you didn’t want to be alone. That’s what this boils down to, you can’t stand the thought of being alone. I’ll give you this much, you are certainly willing to do the sacrifice, as long as you’re not the one being hurt.

Dean: Alright, you want to be honest, if the situation was reversed, and I was dying, you’d do the same thing.

Sam: No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t. I’m heading to bed.

(bolding mine, because we’re gonna talk about those words...)

The problem in the Winchester Codependency is this. We’ve talked about it for years-- the fact that yes, they’re brothers, but that Dean also still can’t help but feel “parental” toward Sam, because that’s the role he was forced into as long as he can remember. And as many glimpses of this as Sam has had, and as many small (and sometimes large) moments of insight into Dean, he still either refuses to understand this, or blocks it out, or assumes it’s all handled until the next time this issue rears its ugly head again and it’s like Sam developed amnesia again about why Dean defaults to the Bossy Parent role.

I mean, this is not to discount Dean’s own amnesia over the fact that Sam does NOT have the same hangups about feeling “parental” toward Dean in return, because to Dean the role of Brother and Parent are so tangled up together he can’t always tell what’s what.

And Kevin... he’s not dead because of Sam-- even though he enjoys putting the blame for it on himself. He’s dead because Gadreel felt BETRAYED by Dean, even though he himself had been betrayed for the better part of the entire history of time... so like... there’s much bigger issues here, but Sam reduces them all down to himself. I mean, Dean also blames himself for everything a lot of the time, but not when it’s in the attempt to save the people he cares about.

The whole “we’ll always try to save each other” that is a BIG part of Dean’s personal definition of what it means to be family on a very basic level... Sam just basically stomped on that and told him it was worthless. And the painful irony is that by 10.03, Sam gets this. He finally put on his grownup pants and did something far more horrific than Dean asking an angel he thought he could trust (based on Cas’s word about Ezekiel being a good soldier, and that angel not completely lying about his identity) to save Sam’s life, and then Sam effectively being held hostage by that angel-- which directly hurt Cas and Dean both, as well. So like... at least Dean is trying to keep the bigger picture in mind here.

And Dean has already punished himself for this in direct ways that Sam has also watched first-hand. He’s expressed how he feels he’s poison and went off and took the Mark of Cain, effectively sacrificing himself to spare Sam and Cas and everyone else from Abaddon. So that bit Sam says there in the second bolded segment? Is potentially the worst thing he’d ever said to Dean up to that point. Because Dean himself has sacrificed more than almost everyone else on this show combined-- his own identity, his own happiness, everything he’s ever wanted in life since he was four years old, his own soul in exchange for Sam’s, and most horrifically his own LIFE in a future where he FINALLY had a chance to be free and live unburdened by mechanism that caused their repeated need to make these awful sacrifices in the first place. They’d finally knocked the monkey wrench out of the cosmic gears, unseated Chuck, and then... for some reason Dean thinks one more final big sacrifice for Sam is what “was supposed to” happen? NO. No, no, fuck that sideways with a container ship.

Yes, Sam repents of all of this in s10 and goes WAY over the top on his revenge mission, because he thinks Dean is dead and that some rando demon was just using his body... at the beginning he doesn’t think Dean CAN be saved. 10.03 is the beginning of Sam’s redemption from this.

And this is why 15.20 is not only implausible to me, but outright offensive. They both struggled horrifically with these things and would eventually forgive and overcome them, only to fall right back into it just in time for the finale.

Yes, Sam’s issues with bodily autonomy and possession throughout the series are at play here, too. And that only makes things worse. Dean will only truly begin to understand that after 13.23, when he will-- without hesitation-- once again make the sacrifice himself to save the people he cares about.

I understand both of their perspectives here, but heck it’s super hard not to feel angry and hurt by Sam’s words. I mean, HOW MANY TIMES has Dean been perfectly willing to be the sacrifice for Sam’s sake, and the ONE TIME he made a choice for Sam-- bearing in mind that Gadreel was also playing ALL of them, and using Dean’s face to secure the Yes from Sam-- Sam can’t let it go. I mean, I’ve written about the “who’s to blame for this” argument and how it just goes right back to the start of creation and puts it all on Chuck for locking up Amara. In this circumstance specifically, though, this is at least PARTLY Dean’s personal guilt over “failing” that first trial way back in 8.14. Sam was never the one who was supposed to “sacrifice” himself to close up Hell. Dean even argued with him that they would find another Hellhound to kill, and Sam busted out the Power of Positive Thinking BS about wanting to SURVIVE the trials when Dean was looking at them as a death sentence. Because they always WERE a death sentence, and no amount of “golly I’d really like to live anyway though” was gonna change that. The entire POINT of what Dean did was trying to CORRECT what he felt was a pointless sacrifice of Sam on the altar of saving everyone else.

So yeah, I hate this bit here. :’D

Because as I hinted at in the previous paragraph there... THIS WAS ALWAYS CHUCK’S STORY. That one brother would have to be sacrificed so the other could live. Because that’s the story of him and Amara. Only one of them could rule over creation. Only Chuck could remain free to create the universe he wanted unhindered, and the story of his universe as told and retold through his own creations was his own self-justification for that original crime. And the final episode of Supernatural gave him exactly that, in the stupidest possible way. It was “we can’t have nice things or a happy life, only one’s death so the other can be free.” The irony was that they weren’t truly free. Dean was just ~dead~ and alone and never sought out what he never got to have in life. Sam abandoned everything he’d grown to know about himself to live a half-life without any real satisfaction, until he finally died, too. It’s just... depressing AF. And it all feels rooted in Chuck’s basic plot rather than truly winning for Free Will and humanity.

I typed on this so long that 9.14 ended, with Kevin’s admonition to them both that they stop behaving like that, since he’d ben watching them be petty from the veil for months. Dean was ready to talk to Sam, but Sam had already turned his back and walked away, completely convinced of his own righteousness in this matter. And at this point in the series I just kinda want to yell at him... >.>

#spn 9.13 #spn 10.03 #breaking the codependency #chuck's process #spn 15.20 #spn 9.14 #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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angzlicas · 3 years

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Since we've hit 100k works on ao3,

I've gotten many asks about my favorite Destiel fics! Instead of replying to them all, I thought I'd just list them here along with the summary, word count, and my opinion on each (as a side note, all of them are Explicit):

In a Mirror, Darkly by anyrei, mugglerock Words: 196,710, Canon

Summary: “Do you trust me, Dean?”

“You know I do,” Dean answered, his voice carrying resignation and sadness. He knew Cas was right. This was the only way if he wanted to help save his brother. He had to do it, even though everything in him wanted to fight it. But he trusted Cas with his life. And now he was going to show him just how deep that trust ran.

Dean fell to his knees in front of the angel, bowing his head forward as he was fitted with the extraordinarily heavy collar. Castiel’s fingers caressed his skin when he closed the clasp of the sign of slavery; the symbol that gave Dean’s life over to the angel’s mercy. Dean suppressed the urge to close his eyes.

Opinion: This fic is my all-time favorite. No seriously, it's the first fic I recommend to people when they ask. And I've read it 3 times over a 3 year period. I'll never get tired of reading it. It follows Cas and Dean having to pose as master and slave to rescue Sam from Angels in Limbo. Lots of smut, basically a Porn With Plot fic but the smut adds SO MUCH to the story. Amazing fic.

Taker of Souls by jscribbles Words: 128,665, Canon

Summary: The angels have fallen. Castiel is human, Sam is recovering from the trials, and Dean doesn’t want to expose them to the world as it’s crumbling outside the bunker doors.

To pass time in their solitude, Dean discovers a hidden room in the bunker full of dangerous magical artifacts and accidentally exposes his friends and family to an ancient horror. If Castiel thought adjusting to humanity was already a terror in itself, he experiences a world of pain when the ancient spirit Dean released chooses him as a vessel to fulfill its evil prophecy.

Castiel begins to change as voices call out to him in the night and take the form of the one righteous man he desires, temptation drawing him to complete a ritual that will allow one of Hell’s most feared ancient entities to occupy his vessel.

Before Sam, Dean, Kevin and Crowley know what is happening, they are thrown into a lockdown, unable to escape the bunker as the cruel, twisted monster inside of Castiel prowls the hallways, hunting them, thirsty for their blood, hungry for their souls.

Opinion: This one was very gory, very scary. A cheeseless and modern take on the horror movie The Evil Dead (1981 2013) where Cas is the villain but unwillingly. Heartbreaking angst with a happy ending, this little fic is overlooked because of being tagged as a crossover. I hadn't seen Evil Dead when I read the fic and the author did such a good job describing every single scene, I didn't need to. READ TAGS

Out of the Deep by @riseofthefallenone Words: 488,608, Mer!Cas/Human!Dean AU

Summary: Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

Opinion: WOW. Where to even start. This fic is a staple in the Destiel AU fandom. The world-building is absolutely incredible and the author stayed true to the characters' personalities and what makes Dean and Cas, Dean and Cas. I was hooked from the very first chapter and read it within 2 days. Although the 500k words may look daunting, it's ABSOLUTELY worth it, I promise. You'll get. everything you could want from this fic including fluff, angst, heartbreak, hurt/comfort, smut, just everything. And if you're staying away because of the mermaid thing, let me tell you. The author just makes it so realistic and believable and beautiful, a few chapters in is enough to change your mind.

The Graveyard Shift by @purgatory-jar, @riseofthefallenone Words: 620,733, Monsters Living In Harmony AU

Summary: Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

Opinion: Although it's over half a million words, this fic is incredible. From the world-building to the mysterious air it has, the art, as well as the writing, makes it a must-read. I can't tell you how many times I've recced this to someone in the fandom. I won't spoil it for you, but it's absolutely adorable. Again, the authors work so hard to make sure that Dean and Cas' personalities are true to the show's. It's coffee shop!au meets fireman!au meets monster!au. A slowburn truly worthy of it's title.

Hunting for Faith by @perunamuusa, @riseofthefallenone Words: 270,952, Reverse!verse AU

Summary: It starts a few days earlier.

Castiel first notices it in the middle of the night when the dreams of fire and screams have kept him awake. He’s kneeling before the altar, praying, when the glass in the windows start to shake, the very air vibrating around him. Castiel is on his feet and reaching for the gun tucked into the back of his pants as the shutters over the windows start to rattle.

Opinion: If you have ANY interest in Hunter!Cas/Angel!Dean, go read this fic. Like now. So, so awesome. I won't say any more other than Cas is a priest and a hunter and Dean and Sam are angels, because I don't want to spoil it. Truly a masterpiece.

If you want to see more of my favorites, check my BOOKMARKS on my Ao3!

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deancascrowley · 3 years

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the deancascrowley manifesto for those who are interested goes like this:

cas and dean fucked in s5-6 ish and dean was absolutely obsessed besotted and destroyed over it

they had a whole thing that was ultimately destructive and weird and basically ended with mpreg cas or whatever

dean gets over the whole thing by falling in love with benny in purgatory (he thinks he gets over it by killing leviathans but like. he doesn’t.)

benny is, crucially, incredibly kind to dean in ways he is not sure he deserves

by the time cas comes back dean feels even more betrayed and weird about the purgatory thing

they fuck again but it’s Not The Same and maybe as it’s been 5 years by that point they start to realise it’s maybe not the best decision for either of them

cas needs to go about his cas business and he sleeps with other people. dean finds out and is Upset but he’s not going to examine that

meanwhile crowley, having completely fallen for dean years ago, is showing up in their lives again but is now resigned to the fact that whatever happened with dean and cas all those years ago must only have gotten more established, so he kind of gives up on seducing dean but starts being a good person around him. also the summer of love is the most difficult thing he has ever had to endure in his life and he copes by refusing any and all of deans random advances bc he knows it’s Not Real

dean, despite being a demon, is also still dean and feels 1. rejected 2. angry (dean crowley breakup) and then 3. remorseful

dean is also at this point experiencing various existential crises about his own existence but also his love life and what’s happened to all the people he loves and how he ends up pushing them away or worse just straight up killing them

by s12 dean accepts that he’s into crowley, feels conflicted over it, thinks some more, cas and crowley seem to be friends so at least there’s that, crowley saves cas and dean realises he’d do anything for him

dean arbitrarily decides that he’ll Say Something but keeps putting it off to “when all this is over” but sadly “all this” is never actually “over” and then crowley and cas die within five minutes of each other

blah blah blah end of the show jack brings cas back cas brings crowley back cas goes and lives his life unencumbered by winchester insanity travelling around making improvements to things with jack

dean tells himself he’s going to confess his feelings to crowley but it ends up sounding terrible like he’s asking for them to fuck around again. crowley is obviously offended and tells dean he’s not the lovesick demon following him around every plane of existence like a lost puppy anymore. crowley zaps himself away in sadness and dean spends at the very least three entire months trying to coax him back so they can just talk

it doesn’t really work but they run into crowley anyway (who is now an almost human living with a very rich man who takes care of him) and dean ends up furiously confessing his love by shouting at him from a distance in a carpark somewhere

dean and crowley end up together (horribly in love) and sometimes cas jumps into bed with them both but he mostly lives his own happy and fulfilled life enjoying gods creations or whatever

sorry i am not exactly ignoring the cas confession but also i am. do you still think i’m sexy

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crowleys-bastard-angel · 3 years

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I honestly don't like SPN as a whole much at all anymore. Like, I don't like the show as a whole, I don't like 90% of the characters, I don't like 90% of the fandom, and I don't like the concept itself("heroic" Hunters going around mercilessly killing "evil" Supernaturals and being praised for it).

Before you ask why I started watching it if I don't like it, I didn't always dislike it. When I was younger, my sibling made me watch it, I got attached to Cas, and I didn't realize how bad Dean was and how fucked up Hunting was, so for a while I liked it.

And I still like my OCs, of course, and there are still a couple characters that I like and some that I at least have soft spots for, but I honestly hate just about everything else about the show, including the majority the most popular "heroic" and "good" and "neutral" and "not completely villainous" characters in some way:

Dean: this one is obvious, and I've gone through my massive lists of reasons that I hate him before, but the biggest ones are him being abusive as fuck to everyone he's close to, and how he's a prejudiced speciesist genocidal serial killer(a fact which is a major contributing factor to his abuse, as all of the people he treats the worst are/were supernatural in some way)

Sam: Like Dean he is a Hunter, and also he didn't ever get Jack away from Dean, he didn't defend Cas or Jack against Dean enough, he allowed/encouraged Jack to Hunt, and he is so codependent with Dean that he'll let anyone else suffer or die to save Dean or because Dean told him to do it

Cas: I have a soft spot for him, but he is still a Hunter, and still didn't stop Jack from Hunting or get Jack away from SamnDean ever, and he mercilessly killed tons of Supernaturals, including his own siblings, due to the Winchesters' brainwashing. And it was brainwashing; he was abused and beaten into submission first by Heaven and then by Dean, hence I don't hate him, and I still have a soft spot for him

Jack: He is a Hunter, and almost all of the portrayals of him I've seen have been pro-Hunter, but I let it slide and still kind of like him, because he's a literal child who has been abused into thinking that what he and his "family" are doing when they Hunt is "saving people" and "using his powers for good"

Bobby: Literally wanted to kill a baby for being supernatural(Olivia the shifter), helped Dean force Sam into the torture-detox, and is of course a Hunter

Charlie: is a Hunter, canonically killed a teenage vampire, and doesn't even have a "tragic backstory" to explain why she's a prejudiced serial killer; like, she never lost anyone to an evil supernatural or anything, she literally was just saved from an evil supernatural by SamnDean a couple times and decided she wanted to "fight monsters" too

Claire: is a Hunter, is basically a female Dean personality-wise, her girlfriend was racistly killed for her whitegirlpain(also said girlfriend was a supernatural who teamed up with the people who kill her kind for a living), and I had some unpleasant experiences with rping with a Claire on an SPN rp server, which has caused me to hate her more than I did before

Jody: She's a Hunter and a Cop, and it annoys me how everyone worships her as this "super-awesome mom who adopts all the kids", when she only takes in kids who were hurt by Supernaturals(and never any hurt by Hunters), and she tells them all sorts of good things about Hunters and SamnDean and whatnot. Those Hunter Stories are likely part of why Claire was obsessed with Hunting and thought that Hunting was the best way to "rebel" and "be independent and badass"

Garth: He's not quite as bad after he became a werewolf, but he's still a species-traitor who befriended and is cool with Hunters, and he, after he became a werewolf might I add, canonically blew up a whole warehouse for of supernaturals to save SamnDean

Mary Winchester: She join the BmoL, a genocidal hate group, who’s members tortured and r*ped her son, because she agreed that their genocidal goals were “good” and “saving people”!

Ellen and Jo, Eileen, Henry Winchester, Samuel and Deanna Campbell, and all one-off Hunter, MoL/BMoL, and Hunter-Ally characters: I don't remember enough about them to truly hate them, but they are all Hunters/MoL, so I automatically dislike them just based on that fact

Donna: Same as the characters above, but she's also a cop, and I remember her being speciesist in the episode with the Pishtacos

Mick Davies: He’s a BMoL Agent, and he killed an innocent teenage girl just because she was turned into a werewolf!

Arthur Ketch: He's a BMoL Agent, and he killed Magda Peterson, an abused teenage girl, just because she was a Supernatural!

Benny: wasn't the worst, but was a species-traitor who worked with Hunters against his own kind

Gabriel: the alien anal probe r*pe thing, and the fact that he sometimes worked with SamnDean(though I understand why he did so during the Michael/Lucifer apocalypse)

Crowley: asshole, bad parent, murdered and tortured innocent people, worked with Hunters/SamnDean

Rowena: asshole, bad parent, murdered and tortured innocent people, worked with Hunters/SamnDean(though I like her more than Crowley, but only because she’s a hot and badass evil woman)

Michael: asshole, tortured Sam and Adam in the Cage, tried to start the apocalypse

Honestly, Adam is the only popular character I can't find anything to complain about; he's not a Hunter, never killed innocents or tortured anyone, or really did anything else wrong, and his life was shitty as fuck; first, he was killed and eaten by the ghoul siblings, then he was dragged out of Heaven to be used as Michael's meatsuit for the apocalypse, and after that he was tortured for literally thousands of years because his worthless "brothers" only cared about each other and didn't even try to save him

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babygirl06301 · 3 years

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When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end.

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage.

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.

#destiel #casdean #cas x dean #dean x cas #dean winchester #castiel #spn #supernatural

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hawkland · 2 years

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Fanfic year in review

I’m just gonna start with this:

That’s how much fic I wrote and posted in 2021, and all but about 2k of that was for SPN. That’s how much this show has given me severe brainrot.

1. What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

There Are Roads Left in Both of Our Shoes for reasons I already talked about here. But basically, it’s the longest fic I’ve ever managed to complete, my first time doing a Big Bang of any kind, and I really poured so much of myself into it I’m still kind of suffering from writing burnout as a result, lol. (But hopefully I can recover enough to get my draft for the DCSB done over the coming month...)

2. Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Adoration and Lamentation - though I think that’s mostly after commissioning and adding @sketching-fox’s incredible artwork to it! But hey, if getting an amazing artist to do a piece for one of my favorite stories I’ve written will bring it more attention, I’m happy for that! It is kind of hard to get a foothold in this fandom, coming in so late as I did, so a little extra promotion is sometimes necessary to get any attention :)

3. Story most under-appreciated by the universe?

I Only Have Pies For You - Granted it was my first time writing both SPN and The Good Place, but I had so much fun writing this story and I still think I managed some clever ideas with dropping Cas and Dean into TGP’s universe.

4. Story that could have been better?

Again I sort of answered that here as my least favorite story, but Dirty Life and Times - because I just found it a lot harder to adapt the soulmate trope to canonverse Dean/Cas than I’d anticipated it would be.

5. Sexiest story?

I guess for sheer volume of smuttiness, There Are Roads Left in Both of Our Shoes, the story with so much sex in it Dean probably needed some magical viagra but, well, I still stand by the fact that freshly human Cas would be horny as fuck and so would Dean after all that time of repression and denial.

6. Most fun story?

I Only Have Pies For You - I mean, I got to write Cas battling spirits trashing Tahani’s garden party and Dean and Eleanor bonding, what is more fun than that?

7. Story with single sweetest moment?

I’m gonna have to go with Crowley meeting Jack in The edge of the woods. Because it kind of came out of nowhere, I hadn’t even been planning on that happening, but as soon as the thought came to my mind that whole scene just wrote itself.

8. The story that made you cry?

There Are Roads Left in Both of Our Shoes - Writing and editing the last chapter (epilogue) made me cry every damn time (if you haven’t read it, no it’s not tragic sad, just a bittersweet happy-sad thing, I promise! Of basically letting a child move on to the next stage of life knowing they’ll come back to you some day, but...yeah, I’ve had people tell me it made them cry, too, so I know it got across what I wanted it to.)

9. Hardest story to write?

(until) you give yourself to him - was kind of tricky but I think it worked in the end? I was trying to juggle a lot of balls with this one: a background case, Dean developing a different kind of “addiction”, and working in some trueform weirdness into the smutty bits. It changed a lot as I was working on it, and I was so thankful for @kimannebb‘s help here convincing me it was making sense and not too out there.

10. Easiest story to write?

I could almost pick any of the 200-500 word ficlets I wrote for slashthedrabble for this, as most were quick one day writing exercises. But of all of those the one I think came to me the fastest and clearest in my mind was Come Rest on Us.

#year in review #year in review 2021 #writing meme #fanfic meme #fic year in review

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sarah-dipitous · 10 months

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 218

The Things We Left Behind

“The Things We Left Behind”

Plot Description: Guilt drives Castiel to track down his vessel’s daughter and break her out of a group home. Elsewhere, Rowena tries to reach out to Crowley

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: no one died, except in Dean’s nightmares

Uh hello?? Did we know that Jimmy Novak was like gone forever?? If Cas vacates that body, it’s just a corpse??

Poor Claire. She was (and still is) a kid. She doesn’t deserve to be living like this

It’s so nice to see Dean just genuinely laughing. Just enjoying small things like eating a grilled cheese sandwich and watching The Three Stooges with Sam (omg the way my phone tried to make that say ‘with Adam’ as though anyone has truly thought about him since season 5)

Let him have it, Claire! Tell him what a douche he was in the past…now he’s just a doof, apparently

“We committed a crime, and you might need me, so I think we should stick together” Castiel is so funny. And then he fell for her needing to use the restroom…

I wouldn’t take Dean’s word for it that ketchup’s a vegetable

This diner scene between Cas and Dean is fueling my shipper heart. Like, I’m already a girl who gets it but I GET IT with this. Dean telling Castiel to do the opposite of what he does about the people he can’t help, Cas telling Dean that despite always making things harder for himself, Dean’s someone he would want to emulate, and then Dean getting a little flustered

Damn…this guy who kind of took in Claire and some other kid is super gross. He’s completely manipulating her to…it seems like steal something big because she’ll get a lighter sentence being a minor. Guilting her because she didn’t steal enough already to make rent. GET A FUCKING JOB, ASSHOLE

The second return of Dean inappropriately eating on the job 💖

Claire, NO! You don’t have to do this. Oh thank god for Castiel stopping her

Ugh this is heartbreaking. She PRAYED TO CAS TO BRING HER DAD BACK SAFE

Ok yeah, she was a terrible mom but she’s so funnyyyyy.

I see now. I see the pairing of these plot lines, Castiel trying to make up for Jimmy abandoning Claire and then…this argument between Rowena and Crowley over why she left him when he was eight and didn’t come back for hundreds of years.

I don’t trust her or her motives but that makes her hotter

What an absolutely loaded question to ask these boys, Cas. You really asked them if they loved their father?? Fuck, man

I don’t like how this…loan shark? Mobster? Randy’s bookie?? Is looking at Claire…

Fuck you, Randy. But it is unsurprising you’d sell her lot

Rowena’s so conniving 😍

Ew ew ew, this guy is disgusting. I’m glad Claire can mostly fight him off herself but yeah, she needs actual adults to take charge

Oh. Oh no. They done fucked up completely. The scene from Dean’s nightmare, it’s basically come true. Dude just blacked out and slaughtered all these terrible men. I’m not saying it’s good for Dean but I’m not mad at him for it

I was going to do an episode of Doctor Who but after only getting two hours of sleep last night to stay up to see what went down at the last night of the first US leg of the Eras Tour…and then leaving my tablet at home so I couldn’t watch anything on my lunch, I’m postponing that part til tomorrow. I need to sleep

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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finalgirlbrainrot · 3 years

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I have two unpopular opinions 1) if roles were reversed and Dean was the one drinking blood, Dean stans would have excused the shit out of it and even liked it. 2) if none of Dean's trauma was addressed and ignored (like most of Sam's trauma is) Dean stans would fucking riot.

(sorry in advance, I ranted A Lot)

2) I'm gonna start with this one. YESYESYES I mean dean stans are already constantly unironically whining that dean's traumas never get acknowledged (EVEN THO IT'S LITERALLY NOT TRUE, HIS TRAUMAS ALREADY GET ACKNOWLEDGED MORE THAN ENOUGH. EVERY TIME HE STUBS HIS TOE. EVERYONE IS CODDLING HIM AND ASKING HIM HOW HE'S DOING. HALF THE SHOW IS LITERALLY DEAN MANPAINING ABOUT HIS TRAUMAS - but apparently that's not enough for them, so I can't imagine the uproar if it was actually true). meanwhile sam's traumas either get ignored or they get treated like a fucking joke? well I guess it's just another tuesday

I've also seen a lot of dean stans moaning about sam "forcing dean to talk about his traumas", because apparently sam actually acknowledging dean's traumas and encouraging him to open up about them and being always supportive af because he actually cares is unacceptable (and I'm willing to bet that if he didn't acknowledge them, they'd still complain because sam literally can't win no matter what he does)

but dean ignoring and never acknowledging sam's traumas (not even when he's directly responsible for said trauma) or making them all about himself (mystery spot, hallucifer, soullessness, gadreel possession) or vilifying and victim blaming him (being force-fed demon blood, soullessness, gadreel possession) or using said traumas to justify his actions (hallucifer) or making cruel, disgusting and unnecessary jokes about them ("you had a girl inside you for a whole week" [meg possession] "you know how wrong that sounds, right?" "you've like an episode of teen mom" [gadreel possession - let's talk about how these two in particular are a thousand times more disgusting than the rest since he's actually joking about a violation he's directly responsible for] "smores foot" [bmol torture] "crybaby pie" [cole torture] "you saw the [devil's] john [or butt]?" [the cage] dick of death jokes right, left and center) is perfectly acceptable behaviour

1) again YESYESYESYES. I mean, this isn't even a hypothesis, we already have an extremely similar storyline for dean - the moc - and everyone made excuses for him and glorified him, even tho he was worse than demon blood sam in every possible way

actually I wrote a rant on reddit a couple of days ago about the awful double standards between demon blood sam and moc/demon dean. I'm gonna paste it here because I'm Bitter Af

comparing demon blood sam and moc/demon demon is ironically and hysterically bitter because, logically, no matter how you spin it, s4 sam is much more understandable and easy to sympathize with - both in intentions and actions - and should have the moral high ground, while s9-10 dean was flat out awful and damaging. yet both the show and the fandom crucify sam and treat dean as some poor victim or a great martyred hero who made some great noble sacrifice and I just... don't get it. so let's break it down:

> reason for drinking blood / getting the moc

- sam: exorcising demons without harming the host, thus saving people (which apparently isn't that relevant to dean) and killing lilith, first because she sent his brother to hell and then to stop the apocalypse and because she was an actual threat

- dean: because he couldn't face the consequences of his actions after the gadreel mess and decided he wanted to kill abaddon, who, at that point, wasn't even their problem (she only became a real problem in 9x17, when they learned about the soul harvesting, so unless dean has some sort of prophetic knowledge, he had no reason to take the moc in 9x11) and was a real threat to no-one but crowley

> trusting / working with a demon

- sam: I've already said this before, but ruby was a master manipulator and went to extraordinary lengths to gain sam's trust and even managed to fool every single demon (aside from lilith obviously). as far as both brothers knew, she's done nothing but help them, saved their lives multiple times and helped them save others, fixed the colt for them, was there for sam after dean died, is basically hunted by other demons for helping them, has risked her life for them several times and even got tortured for them and was helping sam to go after the demon who was trying to start the apocalypse. sam had absolutely no valid reason not to trust her. I'd really like someone to look me in the eyes and tell me that, if anyone did everything I mentioned above, you wouldn't trust them

- dean: trusted a demon who they knew is extremely untrustworthy and self-serving and only does what's in his best interest and has screwed them over one way or another every time they worked together and has hurt people they're close to

> level of manipulation involved

- sam: as I already said, ruby was a master manipulator and spent two years carefully manipulating sam to get him to do what she wanted. not the mention everything azazel did to get him there, lilith pushing his buttons at every turn to get him to kill her and the manipulation from heaven as well, who were lying to the boys at every turn

- dean: while crowley was manipulating him, the level of manipulation isn't remotely comparable to the one sam went through is s4. crowley saying “let’s kill abaddon” and pretending to be afraid of cain is not comparable to a plan that’s been set on motion since the beginning of time and crowley wasn't the only one involved in dean getting the mark. cain was involved as well and he wasn't manipulating him (unlike sam, who was being manipulated by everyone involved). on the contrary, he was completely honest with dean and even offered to tell him more about the mark and DEAN REFUSED (like can you imagine how many problems would've been avoided if dean sat on his ass for one minute and listened to cain's warning???)

> actions

- sam: in s4 sam was trying to use something that was forced on him when he was six months old, and that he hated about himself, to do good because he felt like he had to and was literally SAVING PEOPLE and trying to stop the apocalypse, I literally still don't get why he's vilified for it????? in s4 sam killed a total of one (1) person: the possessed nurse and while that was obviously bad, 1) he was clearly upset about it and 2) I still haven't seen one (1) valid reason for why she's any different from the demons dean drained and killed in swan song or from any of the other possession victims they killed with the demon knife or the angel blade

- dean: meanwhile dean was going around murdering people left and right (also another example of fandom double standards: everyone defends moc!dean and demon!dean because "he only killed bad people" - which isn't even true, but let's say he was - and yet, I seem to remember a certain kitsune named amy pond, who was ALSO killing bad people (and not for the lolz of it, but to save her son) and dean killed her and the fandom defended him back then as well. is killing bad people okay only if dean does it?), tried to kill sam, beat cas bloody

> keeping secrets

- sam: keeping his powers and the demon blood a secret was his god given right, since it affected no-one but sam himself and the demons he was exorcising. not to mention, he had pretty good reasons for not telling dean, considering his bigotry, black and white views and judgmental attitude. and yet, he was, and still is, vilified by both the show and the fandom for keeping secrets and dean even punched him for not telling him about his abilities (something in particular about this point that absolutely drives me up the wall: in 4x04 sam accidentally revealed that he knew about what azazel did to him and dean got mad at him for not telling him about it, even tho dean himself found out about it and didn't tell sam and no-one - not the show, not the fandom and not even sam and dean themselves - notices the hypocrisy. they're literally saying that it's okay for DEAN to keeps something about SAM a secret from SAM, but not okay for SAM to keep something about HIMSELF a secret from DEAN. if you don't think that's super fucked up, then I don't know what to tell you)

- dean: no-one says anything about dean keeping the effects of the mark a secret, even tho, unlike s4 sam, lying about the mark directly affected other people and put everyone around him in danger, including sam

> general treatment

- sam: everyone treated sam like a monster in s4, dean straight up called him a monster, told him he'd hunt him if he didn't know him, forced him into a torture-detox that almost killed him, tried to control him and refused to see his point. at the end of s4 sam apologized to dean. in s5 dean repeatedly told him that he doesn't trust him. sam was blamed for everything that happened in s4 and his mistake kept getting brought up even seasons later

- dean: everyone and their mom was coddling him and helping to get rid of the mark. everyone considered the mark to be the problem, not dean himself. sam was unconditionally supportive. dean never once apologized to sam for any of the awful things he said/did to him while he had the mark. sam never once blamed dean for anything that happened in s9-10 and instead placed the blame on crowley and none of the things dean did ever got brought up again

> at the end of each arc

- sam: paid for his mistake by sacrificing himself and jumped into the cage and saved the world and got tortured by the devil himself for centuries

- dean: paid for his mistake by having his mother brought back to life

send me unpopular opinions

#redredwine92 #sORRY FOR THE MEGA RANT YFGEUFYUGY

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roublardise · 3 years

Text

SPN vs CONSENT

I think s9 is particularly interesting to question the portrayal of consent in spn. It starts with the whole “angel suggests Dean to trick Sam into saying yes to said angel” and that really makes you think (non-ironically)

Consent is usually discussed in a sexual context, but spn makes it (whether it wants it or not) a prominent theme through possessions, and that’s how i’m gonna talk about it in this essay-not-actual-essay :)

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Legally (and here I’m basing my analysis on my French lens), consent is defined by the absence of violence, surprise, threat, or coercion. So anything with any of these (violence, surprise, threat, coercion) is considered as assault. Then, what is considered as violent, surprising, threatening, and coercive is open to interpretation. In that way, consent would be the absence of no, and not a yes per se. (is there an english idiom for “qui ne dit mot consent”?)

In feminist circles discourses around consent are trying to define consent by itself, and not by the absence of assault. What is consent? is it simply an agreement? is it saying yes? is it desire? is it pleasure? It brought feminists to highlight “grey areas” around consent, where a situation can look consensual, but also... was it really??

In the past years we’ve seen more and more of these “no means no” & “yes means yes” campaigns. Though we can, in light of the grey areas, be wary of the last claim. Some “yes” might not actually mean “yes”, or at least be questionable “yes”.

Basically, consent is / can be:

not saying “no”

saying “yes”

saying “yes” but without violence, surprise, threat, coercion

saying “yes” but without those + with a full knowledge of what it means & the consequences (libre & éclairé)

anything meaning “hell yeh i’m down”

kind of all of the above

??????? (that’s my personal feminist pov)

We can see that the words matter a lot in these views. Being able to verbally express something (or not express something) is a major point in defining a situation as consensual. It’s interesting through an ableist lens but that’s not why I’m writing this post but, you’re free to keep that in mind.

All that being said, that’s when I ask myself, nice, but how does the show supernatural portrays consent?

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The notion of consent is heavily present both through the demons & angels possessions, and particularly through the difference between demonic possession & angelic possession.

Demons are, by definition, villains. They don’t even bother to ask and wait for permission: they take.

With Ruby back in s4, the issue with it is acknowledged and she ends up possessing an “empty” body of a girl who just died. The girl didn’t technically agree to be possessed post-death, and it isn’t presented as a completely consensual situation, it is more of a grey area. Honestly, spn shows up plenty of grey areas even through demonic possession.

In s9 we learn Josie agreed to be possessed by Abaddon, in place of Henry. She said “yes”, and it’s a choice she makes, while knowing (I presume, as a woman of letters) what it entails. Yet she does it to save Henry, and while it technically is a context of “saying ‘yes’ with a full knowledge of what it means & the consequences” & Abaddon doesn’t tell Josie “I’m gonna possess you, if you don’t want to it’ll be Henry” - like, Abaddon isn’t the one suggesting the idea. Josie is the one bringing it up. But Abaddon doesn’t need permission anyway, and in the end she’s the one who takes - but she takes what’s given to her. Seeing it like this, was there coercion?

I don’t think the narration is telling us “hey, technically she literally asked for it so it’s okay” considering demons are never portrayed as good (at best they’re grey areas, but demons as a group = bad). And I may make excuses for Crowley but I sure won’t argue the contrary in this specific case.

But while demons don’t have to bother about consent for possession, they do need to when it comes to deals. So, how do crossroads demons make deals? are they actually just providing a service, for a price, to consensual humans? is their job inherently bad?

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The way Crowley sees it, demon deals are truly like a contract. People come to ask for something, they get the price, they buy ; each part respects the deal and everything’s smooth. Crowley even gets pissed off by demons collecting souls too early. And when Abaddon’s like “lmao why are we acting properly we’re demons?” it implies that the way Crowley runs things is “too human”.

And that’s true and that’s what I love. Crowley is just a businessman. He doesn’t even send demons to pressure people to summon crossroads demons & make a deal (like Sam will do in s10 with Lester, which portrayed this demon deal as a grey area which is even addressed in a convo between Sam and Dean). The knowledge of crossroads deals is passed through folklore and people come like one enters a shop.

Questioning this job as good or bad, as a potentially inherently non-consensual context, is fascinating to me because it leads to question business as a whole.

Back to consent, though. There’s an actual act which sells the deal and that’s what can be seen as a “yes”. And here, different demons act in different ways. During the course of the show we’ve seen demons barely telling humans what the cost was (Azazel just goes “I’ll come in ten years” and he’s not the only one) ; while others are pretty specific. Some are more vague and use the disbelief of the client to take advantage of them. To get that “yes” which counts as “yes”, in every case, even if it is given with bias & without a full knowledge of the act and its consequences.

But the “yes” is even what sells the deal in itself: they seal the deal with a kiss. A kiss, as a physical act, is something people can’t take back. It happened. It’s not mere words throwing in the air - there’s something definitive about it that neither a “no” nor a verbal “yes” has. The kiss are never forced onto people, they have to initiate it. Demons can’t take it by themselves. In a way, they can’t force a deal on someone who doesn’t take the decision. But a “no” is never definite and can be changed through persuasion.

For crossroad demons then, I’ll say consent goes in the ‘simple “yes”’ category. But it could actually fit better in the “hell yeh I’m down” category. Which is even more interesting because what counts as “hell yeh I’m down” is a kiss which can be very not enthousiastic (see Crowley’s first deal, where he makes a homophobic guy kiss him).

Depending on demons, consent can involve violence, threat, coercion, and not knowing the exact consequences. Such cases are portrayed as more evil, more questionable ; whereas the “usual” demons-Crowley-way lays on a grey(er) area.

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What about angels now? How do they define consent?

I don’t think, talking about supernatural, that we can start with the premise of angels being “good”. Even their default settings seem to have never truly been about helping humans, that’s what Castiel’s arc questions all the way. But they are still supposed to act in a certain “more decent” way, than demons. And they do give Heaven, I guess. Anyway.

Angels are a big grey area, yet when it comes to possession the statement seems to be that they do things “correctly” as they have to have the vessel’s consent to do so. In Castiel’s first appearance the dialogue goes:

DEAN : You're possessing some poor bastard? CASTIEL : He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this.

Which already puts angels in contrast with demons who don’t bother to make sure their vessel is okay with it and can handle it.

The whole arc of Jimmy agreeing to be Cas’ vessel is truly interesting because there’s a process at play there ; Cas introduces himself, he proves to Jimmy he can be trusted, and when he eventually asks, Jimmy accepts. He says “yes”.

We later learn that Cas didn’t have to go through all that, he didn’t have to take his time and be sure Jimmy agreed. At the same time, Lucifer is looking from a vessel and using manipulative tactics to get the “yes”. That’s the first time we’re shown the loophole in the concept:

Angels need a “yes” to be able to possess someone, which is a way to make sure they aren’t crossing any boundaries or pushing themselves into someone who doesn’t want to. Yet, Lucifer shows the grey line here: a “yes” doesn’t always truly mean “yes”.

Quickly during s4 angels are portrayed as untrusting, and not much better than demons in the way they treat humans. And it’s interesting that Castiel, the rebel angel, is the only one we see who truly made sure his vessel consented (then, well, shit happens, but let’s focus on the first possession). Though even the first possession can be seen differently: we can even wonder if Cas’ process to get his “yes” (approaching Jimmy with the intention of making him his vessel and building trust accordingly) isn’t very similar to grooming - and then, is this case even truly consensual?

What s4 shows us, is that while angels do require some sort of agreement, this one can be pretty similar to the one crossroad demons do where a “yes” doesn’t have to be a full, enthusiastic, i’m-so-down-with-everything-about-this yes. So... do angels truly care about consent?

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Angels seem to be physically unable to possess someone without consent, and to me it seems like it’s the only reason they care.

For angels as well as demons, a “no” isn’t definite and can always be changed. Whereas a “yes” seals the deal, and once possessed it’s difficult, to say the least, to change your mind and kick the angel out. That’s what we see with Gadreel and Sam: even once Sam is aware of the possession and refuses it, he still has to fight his way for his will to be recognized. And then his consent is only doing a difference because Gadreel has no other choice but to take it into account when they literally fight over Sam’s own body.

Unlike actual contracts which always allow cases in which it can be broken, there is no way to get out of a demon deal (as shown through s3 portrayal of Dean’s and Bela’s arcs). You can try to make deals over deals, but it’s never an actual back tracking (except when Bobby got his soul back iirc? Through blackmail so…).

We find a similar dynamic in angels: when Dean agrees to be possessed by Michael, he does so by stating it’s only until Lucifer’s dead. But Michael is able to take control over him anyway. The deal was never a fair one, wasn’t a mutual agreement: Michael always had the upper hand in it as agreeing to possession means giving control of your body and your mind - so losing control of yourself.

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Angels in spn aren’t truly about protecting humans, as we’re shown through Cas’s character arc & doubts. What they are about is maintaining a status quo, making sure the story unfolds As It Should, because that’s just How It Is. In that sense, their idea of consent can be understood as a mere tool to save face: make it look like people have a choice in the matter when truly, they don’t, because angels have enough power to pressure a “yes”.

The idea of “we need you to be willing” is a way to pretend there’s no power imbalance between angels and humans, but there is. And then we can wonder - can there be consent in such a dynamic?

I feel like the difference between angels & demons, when it comes to consent, is that demons don’t pretend to not have nor take the power over humans. Hell is literally a monarchy ; they’re not shying away from admitting they’re an individualistic business. Whereas Heaven, as a bureaucracy, dulls the power until it’s barely visible (both to humans & other angels) so they can better maintain their public order.

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The specific case of Gadreel mostly highlights all these ideas, while also raising the question of who can consent for whom? And if the concept of consent can be (ab)used and its lines get moved. But what’s to gain from these grey areas, from moving the lines?

Gadreel doesn’t truly care about Sam’s consent when he asks Dean to trick Sam. He uses angel possession to hide himself, and possessing Sam is all about that goal. It’s not even about owning Sam’s body, about getting a vessel like Lucifer wanted to. Gadreel is straight up using Sam’s body & mind.

That’s a very angel thing to do imo. Following rules but make them yours, bend them to your/God’s will. Rules, in Heaven, become less about restriction and more about power: who orders and who follows? And if what you’re doing doesn’t break the rules, then there’s no use to punish and nothing wrong with it.

SO WHAT?

Honestly I don’t truly have a conclusion. Consent is shown as something important which should be respected. It is also a strong theme through angels & demons, and the ways in which consent can be twisted and abused.

I do love to read it as a direct portrayal of the ambiguity of consent in our own capitalist & patriarchal society, very likely unintentional. It’s truly an interesting material to get multiple layers on the topic.

There isn’t a clear “consent is” or “consent should be” stance that spn takes. It’s way more about how the meaning of consent is changed and twisted depending on one’s moral and goals. Which lead me to wonder: could we define consent outside of power dynamics? What is consent, then, if not a power tool?

#spn meta #spn #supernatural meta #supernatural #spn takes #I WENT SO OFF ANYWAY #and there's still a lot to say on the topic like if i could study the way the consent issue is addressed #depending on the years and social context.........#i'm missing doing papers for uni can you tell?#i'm not even kidding lmao anyway if you've read all this......... i hope you have a very good day #and i hope it was interesting #for real it's not THAT long and i tried to cut it so it's easy to read #as a person who can't read huge junk of paragraphs myself

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airenyah · 3 years

Note

what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space” also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love”

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas* also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.” “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk)

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

#there is also the late s9 ep where cas chooses dean over an angel army #then i vaguely remember 11x03 being a good destiel ep #and the s12 ep with the ''i love you. i love all of you''??#i know people are still going crazy over the mix tape but i don't remember if the ep itself was very gay #oh and 13x06 - tombstone gets talked about a lot as well #when cas comes back to life at the end of the widower arc and dean goes from extremely depressed to happy af #15x09 was a pretty good one as well i think #and ofc 15x18 with the big ''i love you''#anyway this was fun #i should really continue with my spn rewatch #but the thing is that i'm actually journaling and making notes #and that requires brain #and i currently just don't have the energy to make all this effort just for a tv show #who knows if i'm ever gonna finish this project #oh well #asks #anon #destiel #spn #lmk if i've missed anything (from s4-s8 that is)

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thewolfswriting · 3 years

Text

The Dangers Of A Demon Chapter 4

Pairings: Demon Alpha!Dean x Katarina Morgan (Omega OC)

Word count: 2,136

Chapter Warnings: Profanity, Knotting, Oral, Dub-Con 18+ content just don’t read if you’re a minor

Taglist: @charmed-asylum

Divider By: @firefly-graphics

"Y-you claimed me! Why? Why would you do that?!" She screamed at the demon with tears and in horror.

The cramps and pain that came with her heat were gone. That she was grateful for but she didn't expect to be claimed by anybody, and that included a demon Alpha.

"Yeah, you see, that's what happens after an Alpha knots an Omega. We both know you already knew that." There wasn't an ounce of sympathy in his voice.

She touched the fresh bite on her neck and winced "I didn't want to be claimed." She sobbed "You claimed me on purpose."

He shrugged "If that's what you wanna think and just because I claimed you don't mean I still won't kill you."

That didn't make the situation any better. However, only part of her wished he would kill her but only for the fact that she's been claimed by an Alpha that's a demon. But if he knew that he would just draw it out even longer.

---

"S-sheriff Morgan, sir? There's a guy here. He's here to see you."

Sheriff Morgan cocked an eyebrow "About?"

"He says he's here about the three Omega cases and his brother. He didn't tell me his name but he insisted on seeing you."

While confused, sheriff Morgan strutted towards his office to see someone sitting in front of his desk he hadn't seen in a long time "Sam Winchester. Haven't seen you in a long time. What can I do for you?"

"It's not about what you can do for me. It's about what I can do for you. I know your daughter is missing and I'm assuming Dean is here somewhere."

"Yes, he's here. He is also responsible for the three Omega's that are now dead. Sam, he has my daughter."

"I know."

"How so?"

"I know my brother better than anybody. Once he found out Katarina's your daughter, it became a game to him. It makes the kill more interesting." Even though Sam's tone showed sympathy, he also stated facts.

"Do you have an idea where he might've taken her?"

"Somewhere nobody can find her. We find her, we find Dean. I already interviewed someone, a guy named Tony."

"Yeah, Tony owns the diner outside of town."

Sam opened his notepad "He said there a scent he smelled. The kind of smell when an Omega goes into heat. He smelled it a few miles from the diner two night before"

Of course sheriff Morgan felt the fear he was dreading. The fear of his daughter going into heat with the man that kidnapped her and is going to kill her.

The words Dean said to him instantly replayed in his head "I can wait until she goes into heat, take what I want and then kill her"

He was beginning to lose the hope he had held onto since Katarina went missing. But now that Sam came into town, that hope instantly came back "Looks like we have our first lead."

"Looks like it."

---

Dean's claim mark on Katarina's neck still throbbed with pain even though it was half-healed. Once completely healed it would scar and she knew that. She tried not to make any sound of pain but no matter how hard she tried, he would hear it anyway.

The thought of trying to escape again crossed her mind. The stabbing with the knife, she could try that again, instead of stabbing him once she could stab him twice or three more times. But he heals quickly. So there goes that idea.

She remembered the window in the bathroom, so the idea of climbing out racked her brain. Only if she tried, surely he would hear her and catch her like last time.

Until he kills her, she's trapped.

---

The sound of the ax splitting the wood is what helped Dean somewhat get rid of his anger. For two days he's had to listen to her whimpering and sobbing of pain. All because of the claim mark that's currently half-healed on her neck.

For the most part he ignored it. But then eventually he got pissed at her and would yell at her. Even told her he would "rip out her vocal cords, then she wouldn't be able to make any noise"

"Omega's really can't handle pain." He said to himself

In some ways, Dean thought it was stupid of him to claim her. But most of it was out of Alpha instinct. He was able to control it with the other three Omega's and the others before them. With her, he couldn't help himself.

He should've just killed her after he knotted her. At least he wouldn't have any more visits from Crowley.

---

"Good evening, Dean."

"Damn it, Crowley! What do you want now?!"

"The Omega, she still alive I presume?"

"Like I've said I'm-"

"Dragging it out yes, I know" Crowley interrupted "It's been nearly a week, Dean. Never have you once dragged a kill out this long."

"What's your point?"

"Tell me, did you knot her like you did all the other Omega's before you killed them? Did you claim her too?" He took a step toward the demon.

"So what if I did? Just because I claimed her doesn't mean I still won't kill her."

"Alphas don't kill their mates. But like you just said, just because you claimed her doesn't mean you won't kill her. Now, get the job done."

---

When Dean came back inside the cabin Katarina was already asleep. He sat on the little stool in front of the fireplace and stacked the logs to build a fire. At least the smell of the burning wood would help mask her intoxicating scent that still clung in the air of the cabin.

Before crawling in next to her he removed every bit of clothing. He laid down next to her for what seemed like hours. Mostly, he watched her sleep. Sleep was the last thing on his mind. He could still smell her scent. The blanket, the bed, the whole cabin smelled like her. The only other scent he could smell mixed with her's was his own.

The longer he laid there and took in her sleeping form the more her scent got to him. While scooting closer to her he ghosted his lips along the side of her neck and over the mark, taking a moment for his tongue to lick over the wound. As she rolled over on her back she whimpered and a low growl rumbled from his chest.

Gently he pulled her shirt over her head and began pressing kisses down her naked chest and down her stomach. Unbuttoning her jeans he ever so slowly dragged them down her legs with her panties. She moaned in her sleep as the Alpha spread her thighs and pressed open-mouthed kisses on her skin along the inside of her thighs. He wanted to bite her, give her another claim mark that wasn't on her neck. But he held back, he didn't want to wake her up that way.

Just as he suspected, she was already slick from basically doing nothing to her. He took his index finger and dragged it along her wet slit and up towards her clit, her hips jerking at the contact.

"Dean?" The Omega's eyes fluttered open even though she was still half asleep. She looked down just in time to see Dean's eyes on her as his tongue pushed between her folds "What-"

She tried to pull away from him, but his arms tightening around her thighs halted her protest "Shh it's okay 'mega. Alpha just wants to make you feel good."

Finally, his tongue sought out her sensitive, pulsating clit. Still, he kept his eyes on her, watching her expression as he gave her a solid lick against her bud before closing his lips around the oversensitive spot.

It was different when she wasn't in heat. Well, to her it was anyway. When she was in heat she couldn't control the waves of pleasure he gave her, or the intoxicating scent of her arousal her body radiated. But it seemed like it didn't matter whether she was in heat or not, her inner Omega couldn't deny the physical pleasure he was now giving her. But still, the shame was there.

Dean growled against her as he continued to work on her cunt, his tongue sliding down to her opening and collected some of her slick. Her wet walls clenched around nothing as he pulled back "Taste just as good as the first time."

A smirk spread across the Alpha's face when her hips bucked against him. He knew exactly what she needed. Without warning two fingers entered her now swollen, soaked cunt, instantly finding that sweet, sensitive spot deep inside her. Her breaths became raspy as he lazily twisted and turned the two fingers that currently occupied her inner walls. He turns his attention back to her clit, moving his head from side to side and his fingers quickened their pace against the spot inside her.

"That's it, cum for me 'mega" He says as her breathing grew raspy.

Soon she's screaming from the sheer force of her orgasm that crawled through her veins. Like last time he continued to finger and lick her until her body shudders against him. Only this time, she didn't have to beg him to stop.

"Need you on my cock, "mega!" He sits back, hauling her onto his lap, and arranged her legs on either side of his hips.

The swollen head of his cock pressed at her slit. She was still sore from when he gave her his knot two nights ago and because of that, she panicked. With her hands on his shoulders, she attempted to push herself off of him, but the vice-like grip on her hips by his hands tightened to keep her still.

"Dean, wait! I'm so-" Her words were cut off by a hand shooting up and wrapping around her throat.

"Remember what happens if you don't?" He snarled at her.

With his hand still around her throat, she managed to nod her head rapidly.

The panic only ignited in her more when he lifted his hips to push the first inch inside her. Just like last time, he was met with resistance, only this time, it was more of a struggle due to her walls being so swollen. She yelped as Dean slipped the thick head of his cock past her folds. The Demon grunted as he pushed in another three, her tight, aching ring of muscles clenched around him.

He placed a hand between them to rub her still sensitive bud in circles "C'mon 'mega. Open that pretty little pussy up for me."

Between the contact of his thumb on her clit and his words laced with lust, she opened up for him. Once he was finally able to slide the rest of the way in she clamped around him so hard it almost hurt. Her insides felt like they were on fire.

"Hold onto my shoulders." He said while giving her time to adjust.

Without hesitation, she leaned forward, holding onto his shoulders with her face buried in the front of his shoulder.

He pulls out, only the head of his cock is inside her until he thrusts back in. She whimpered in response. Slowly he thrusts up into her. His patience didn't run thin like last time and that surprises him. But she also didn't have the chance to protest against him either. Either time, that wasn't an option.

Now he was plunging into her at a much faster pace. Each time he fucked up into her, she released muffled whimpers against his shoulder. He paused his thrusts only to lift her up an inch, leaving open-mouthed kisses at the skin on the opposite side of her neck. Closing her eyes she expected him to bite her again, but to her surprise, he didn't.

Tears bloomed in her eyes, she could feel his knot beginning to swell and that was something she wasn't prepared for the second time.

With one hard, brutal thrust, he forced his popping knot up inside her. As his release coated her walls, his eyes diverted to the knife on the nightstand. Reaching over he picked up the knife by the handle, his eyes tinted black from the memory from Crowley repeating Dean's own words back to him "just because you claimed her doesn't mean you won't kill her".

With the knife still his in hand he pointed the sharp end towards her back. This was it, he's going to kill her.

But then something struck him. A conscious perhaps? No, Demons didn't have a conscious. But Alphas do.

"I-I can't!" The Alpha roared before plunging the knife into the headboard of the bed.

#alpha!dean winchester #alpha/omega #alpha dean winchester #demon!dean winchester #demon!dean #dean winchester x ofc #dean winchester smut #dean winchester fanficiton #dean winchester #supernatural #Supernatural smut

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