#This one is set pre season six of course

[castielmacleod]

Crowley when Cas is having another internalised homophobia moment about their relationship: hey, don’t cry, you and me ascending to godhood, ok?

[quasi-normalcy]

Why Deep Space Nine wasn't as popular as the other 90s Star Treks when it aired

So I keep seeing this one kind of conspiratorial text post circulating around which asserts that Deep Space Nine wasn't as popular as the other Star Trek series from the 90s because Rick Berman hated it and deliberately sabotaged it, and also (somehow) marginalized references to it in canon even decades after he stopped having absolutely anything to do with the franchise and just...no. Like, I have no idea how Rick Berman personally felt about Deep Space Nine, but what I do know is that he co-created it and executive produced it and basically ran the entire Star Trek franchise during the 90s, so if he *really* hated what it was doing, he could have just put his foot down and stopped it. Moreover, he didn't marginalize references to Deep Space Nine in canon; Voyager getting into contact with the Alpha Quadrant and learning that the Maquis had been exterminated by the Dominion (something that happened on Deep Space Nine) was one of the very few plot points on that series to have repercussions for more than an episode; First Contact featured the Defiant; both Insurrection and Nemesis have references to the Dominion War. The post is reacting against a problem that doesn't really exist.

But it does raise the question: why *wasn't* Deep Space Nine popular when it aired? And I think that the answer might be difficult for people who weren't alive and conscious during the 1990s to understand, so I'm going to try to lay out the reasons:

Serialization was only just becoming a thing on adult American television: I know that this might sound a bit difficult to believe now, but there was a time when networks really hated serialization and, with context, it's not too hard to understand why. In the 1990s, there was no streaming; there weren't even any DVD sets. Any given episode aired once at a designated time. If you missed that time, then your options were to wait until it was rerun a few weeks later, or again during the summer (and the networks would often air reruns out of order, so good fucking luck with that), or to hope that one of your friends had recorded it on a VHS tape. Otherwise, you just couldn't see it. Even worse than that, networks could arbitrarily pre-empt their own programming. Like, "Oh, you wanted to watch Star Trek? Well a baseball game just went into overtime and it brings in ten times as many viewers. Hopefully you won't find it too jarring if we just begin half an hour into the episode." So you can understand why this would have a knock-on effect on serialised storytelling; if you've missed one episode, and the subsequent stories depend on plot points from the episode, then you're just going to be confused. But even beyond that, if you're not used to serialization as an audience, then you're not going to be on the look-out for context clues. "Oh, that alien just told Quark about something called 'the Dominion'? Oh that sounds important--oh, wait, no, they got to the end of the episode and nothing happened with it. I guess it wasn't important after all."

The Star Trek name: This one seems a bit counterintuitive, because of course the name should be a draw to fans of the other series, but you have to remember that, at the time in question, the franchise consisted only of the original series and movies and the first six and a half seasons of TNG. Now, these differed in several ways, but what they had in common is that they were all about a bunch of moral paragons who flew around in space in shiny starships, having episodic adventures. That was what Star Trek was. And then you got a new series about a bunch of morally compromised characters who sat still in space on a gungy old space station having serialised adventures. It's not the same thing, and so a lot of people who wanted the first thing tuned out (which was, in fact, why Voyager had to be created), whereas a lot of people who wanted the second thing might not have tuned in because they figured it would be the first thing. And this of course brings us to the third reason:

Babylon 5: So stop me if you've heard this one before: it's a serialized drama from the 1990s all about a bunch of humans and aliens having to coexist on a space station as they navigate diplomatic crises and gradually become enmeshed in an elaborate space opera story arc. It features a race of aliens who can be called "highly spiritual", a race of aliens who have recently overthrown a decades-long brutal occupation of their homeworld by a crumbling and overstretched empire, a race of aliens who are often mistaken for gods (and who cultivate this misconception), and a mysterious new threat emerging onto the galactic scene, eventually culminating in a seasons-long war arc. I am of course describing J. Michael Straczynski's science fiction masterpiece Bablyon 5, which he, and a great many of his fans, regarded (and not without reason) as having been ripped off and pre-empted by Paramount in the form of Deep Space Nine. Now, looking at the evidence, I personally think that most of the similarities between these series are a sort of convergent evolution; but, whatever your opinion on the matter, the fact remains that these two fandoms hated each other during the 1990s. And the net effect of this was that a bunch of SF nerds who would probably have really liked DS9 if they had gotten to see it never watched it at all as a matter of principle because as far as they were concerned, its very existence was a corporate ploy to bully an upstart rival out of business.

Anyways, for all of these reasons, it's not remarkable to me that Deep Space Nine never became as popular as TNG and Voyager; and because it wasn't as popular, it makes sense that Paramount would be more circumspect about greenlighting Picard-style sequels or Lower Decks or Prodigy-style spinoffs to it (and indeed, I'm not convinced that all of the writers have even seen it). But I think that it is a testament to just how good DS9 was that it still managed to get the same seven seasons, even if it never drew in the same audience

[thefrogdalorian]

The Best of Both Worlds - Chapter Six

Din Djarin x Female Reader Modern!AU

❁ Series Masterlist ❁ My Masterlist ❁ Read on AO3 ❁

Word Count: 7105 Rating: General Summary: Din returns to the set of The Mandalorian to begin filming a new season. Despite his experience and capability, he finds that he struggles to focus as his thoughts remain firmly fixed on a certain someone... Content Warnings: None! Author's Note:  Nice to meet a few more Mando characters in this chapter. Din has a cruuuuuuuuush. Also, I love writing Peli and Din's relationship in any universe. Thanks for all the comments and love you're showing to this baby so far, it means the world! Huge thanks also to the wonderful @suresnips for being my beta! ♡

6. With A Little Help From My Friends [Din's POV]

For the first few weeks while the third season of The Mandalorian had been in pre-production, things were a little haphazard in terms of personnel that were present in the studios – known as The Volume – where the show was filmed. Din appreciated the sparsely populated studios. After all, less people meant less opportunities for someone to scrutinise his identity. Although Peli Motto, the person he was closest to on the cast, had been present and the two had hung out in Din’s trailer plenty of times, there had been markedly fewer people than usual wandering around the studios. 

Now, however, it was Monday morning and the first week of filming was set to begin. That brought more people to The Volume. A lot more. 

Din considered that he should have been used to it by now. It was, after all, the third season of the show. So far, his identity had successfully remained the closely guarded secret that he wanted it to be. Much of that was thanks to the showrunners, Jim and Dale. They were, after all, the only people present at The Volume at any given moment who had any idea of Din’s identity. That was a thought that both comforted him and made him nervous.

It was reassuring to know how closely they had guarded Din’s secret and abided by his wishes. Of course, some of that was motivated by the legal trouble they could become embroiled in should they ever reveal Din’s identity without his consent. But Din often thought fondly of how understanding the two men were throughout the sordid process of negotiating the contract with Disney. Jim and Dale had both pushed for Din to be The Mandalorian, insisting that, for them, there would be no second choice. It was Din or nothing. 

Disney's eventual decision to accept the anonymity clause had been mostly motivated by how much Jim and Dale had stood by Din during discussions and how much they had wanted him as Mando in the first place. It was a debt that Din knew he could never truly repay to the two men who had flown in from Los Angeles over the weekend, ready for production to properly get underway. Din was looking forward to catching up with the two of them, who always made an effort to check in with him and inquire about how he and Grogu were adapting to life in a new country. Indeed, it was the two of them who had put Din in contact with a woman called Fennec Shand, who worked for the production company. It was her job to make sure Din and Grogu were sufficiently settled. Fennec often organised excursions, including the tour Din had enjoyed with Grogu at the British Museum on Friday night.

It was that very tour which Din had spent the majority of his weekend thinking about rather than mentally preparing for the intense filming schedule which lay ahead of him. Din was unsure whether he believed in fate, or destiny. But surely encountering her again, the girl who he had felt instantly drawn to after her eloquent speech in his defence at ForceCon, had not been a coincidence. As he stood there in the crowded hall, watching her disappear into the crowd, Din had wished against all probabilities that he could just see her again, one more time. Lo and behold, a few days later, there she was. Din did more than see her again. This time, he was free to interact with her without the confines of his armour and helmet. He marvelled as she shared her knowledge, expertise and showed an incredible amount of patience and understanding towards Grogu especially.

It was seeing her interact with Grogu that had really meant everything to Din. He already knew, after her speech, that she possessed many qualities that he valued in a person. However, to witness the compassion and patience she had extended to the nervous little boy, even after Grogu had caused somewhat of a commotion, it was difficult for Din to quantify just how much that simple act of understanding meant to him. 

Now that he had crossed paths with her again, Din knew that she was a presence that he wanted in his life going forward. Equally, Din knew that it would probably be immoral of him to explore something with the girl. There was no way he could be completely honest with her about his identity, certainly not while they were still getting to know each other. That meant Din would inevitably have to lie while he evaluated whether he could trust her with his secret.

Then there was the question of how she would feel should she ever find out that he had been untruthful. Lying was not in Din Djarin’s nature; he never wanted to lie to her, he knew that would likely cause hurt further down the line. How would she feel if she ever found out that he was keeping such an enormous secret from her?

Despite the moral dilemma, Din kept returning to how he had felt when they were together. The rush that Din had when he was in her presence was indescribable. He felt a genuine connection with her immediately, despite how aloof he had probably appeared when she first walked up to him and Grogu. The sight of her had knocked all air out of his lungs even with all of the training he had to maintain his composure. 

But then there was the thrill that Din had actually been able to talk to her and look at her without the confines of his helmet, all while knowing that she was seeing him for who he was and getting to know him as the man, rather than The Mandalorian. It was an enthralling experience. 

So, Din had spent the majority of the weekend pondering his next move. Of course, he could return to the museum and ask after her, but Din feared that would be inappropriate and overstepping his boundaries. He wondered whether he should hang around the museum at closing time and wait for her to emerge. He wanted her to know precisely how much the time they had spent together had meant to him. Above all, Din wanted to continue getting to know her and determine whether the two of them could build a future together.

With all thoughts of how to make the next move, Din knew he was a little distracted. Which wasn’t exactly ideal right before an intense filming schedule got underway. Despite the fact that he was now onset and should be in full Mando mode, Din found that as he sat there in his trailer with Grogu, he was still distracted. His mind remained firmly fixated on the incredible girl from the museum that he wanted to know better. 

A knock at the door pulled Din from his musings and he grabbed his helmet before unlocking the door. The familiar, tanned face and dark brown eyes of the man who cared for Grogu onset, called Iggy, greeted Din.

“Hi Mando,” Iggy chirped, “I’ve been sent to care for Grogu.”

“I thought I wasn’t due on set yet?” Din replied, slightly taken aback at his presence.

“Oh, you’re not. But Jim and Dale have requested your presence in their office,” Iggy explained.

“Alright. Come in, Iggy,” Din opened the door further and waved the lanky man with messy black hair that stood up in various directions, into the room.

Meetings like this with Jim and Dale were not unheard of, so Din had no reason to be particularly troubled by the fact that he had been summoned to their office. But there was a feeling of nervousness that lingered in his gut at his presence being requested like this. Nevertheless, after saying goodbye to Grogu and leaving him happily drinking a carton of juice while resting on Iggy’s lap, Din made his way to Jim and Dale’s offices.

Din’s heart dropped when he saw the grim faces of the two men behind the desk of their office. Instantly, he knew that instinct in his gut was correct. Whatever the subject of this meeting was, it was going to be an uncomfortable one. At once, the worst possible scenarios began flicking through Din’s mind. Perhaps he had been summoned here so Jim and Dale could tell him that his role had been cut from the new season, they wanted to go in a different direction and needed someone who was willing to reveal his face. Din was trembling; he stood frozen inside the doorway as he felt as though everything was about to come crashing down all around him. 

Din felt sickened as he realised that his life, the one he had been building here with his son in the peaceful English countryside and the girl that he had met would, in a few moments, be cruelly ripped from him. Din was certain that the men before him were about to deliver a crushing blow as they informed him that he was no longer wanted for the role of The Mandalorian. The very role that he had been initially hesitant to accept, but had changed so many things for him. 

It was Jim’s voice who finally broke through his racing thoughts and compelled him to move.

“Take a seat, Din,” Jim offered, gesturing to the chair on the other side of the desk from where the two of them sat. 

Din apprehensively moved across the room and sat opposite the two men. The atmosphere was thick with an emotion that Din could not place, but judging by the glum, serious expressions that the two men before him wore, he knew in his gut that it was not positive. Din took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut beneath his helmet as he braced for impact.

“Din, we have some concerns that we just wanted to address with you before filming begins,” the cowboy-hat wearing co-creator, Dale, began speaking, his beady eyes peering out at Din from underneath his cowboy hat that was a permanent fixture on top of his head. “Do you have any idea what this could be about?”

Din’s heart was thundering so loudly that he was sure it must have been audible, reverberating off the Beskar. He shook his head slowly, completely taken off-guard by Dale’s question.

“Well, there have been a number of social media posts speculating that the real Mando was at ForceCon a couple weekends ago,” Jim explained. “Din… you wouldn’t happen to have any idea why people would think that, would you?

Din sighed deeply. The foolish decision that he had made without thinking it through because of Peli Motto, of all people, looked set to cost him dear. All he could do now was beg Jim and Dale for mercy, appeal to their humanity and let them know that it had just been a stupid mistake and nothing more. 

“Yes. I do know why…” Din sighed and braced himself for what he was about to admit, “it was me,” Din finished, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry if this has caused any headaches for you. I was not thinking clearly. Peli gave me an invitation and mentioned the con. My curiosity got the better of me. I truly apologise, from the bottom of my heart.”

“Thank you for owning up to it, Din,” Dale said and for the first time his expression shifted into something other than a frown. It didn’t fill Din with much more confidence and Dale wasn’t suddenly smiling, but at least it was slightly more reassuring than the stony-faced expressions that he had initially been greeted with.

“Look, Din. We respect your reasoning absolutely for not revealing yourself to the public. If you’ll remember, we backed you the entire way during the negotiations with Disney,” Jim explained, using his hands to emphasise his point. “ choosing to go to a convention like that? Man, what were you thinking?! Your cover could have easily been blown.” 

“I mean, that was really dangerous. There were the biggest fans in the world there, thousands and thousands of them. We went for an appearance and it was crazy, the levels of fanaticism,” Dale added and Din internally cringed, not realising just how many layers of danger he had placed himself in. “The photos of your costume went viral, we had to get someone from the PR team to create a fake account on social media claiming that they were the person behind the cosplay so the fans had an explanation. It had to come from somewhere. I just… I really don’t know what you were thinking, Din.”

“Honestly, I wasn’t thinking,” Din swallowed, suddenly feeling incredibly ashamed at his recklessness. It was so unlike him. But he seized the opportunity to defend himself. After all, if Jim and Dale had really called him in here to fire him, he at least wanted to say his piece before they delivered such a crushing blow. “A castmate enthused to me about the con and she handed me some passes that the organisers had sent her. My curiosity got the better of me. I know how… things got out of hand after my appearance at the hospital. I should have consulted with you both first. I’m sorry.” Din said earnestly, although he was thankful that his helmet was covering his face. Din was unused to handling sensitive conversations like this face to face and his cheeks were burning an embarrassing shade of red beneath his helmet.

Jim and Dale glanced at each other in some wordless form of communication, which Din was unable to decipher. He felt his already sweaty palms moisten further in the leather gloves that he was wearing. Regardless of what it meant, Din knew that the look did not fill him with much confidence and he suddenly felt an overwhelming need to defend himself further.

“Look, if my actions in going to the convention were… a step too far and my position is now untenable, then I suppose I understand. I’ll be disappointed, of course, and firing me would uproot Grogu’s life too. But he’ll get over it. We all do,” Din said quietly, as much for his own benefit as Jim and Dale’s

“Fire you? Din Djarin, you are The Mandalorian!” Jim exclaimed, clearly incredulous at the notion that they would ever contemplate such an action. “Without you, this show would not be possible. We didn’t call you into this meeting to lecture you, I apologise if you were under that impression.”

“Yeah, the absolute last thing we would want to do is bring you any additional stress right before we begin such a busy period of filming. Jim and I were just concerned for you. Din, we don’t want you to be exposed before you are ready for the world to know who you are, if that time ever comes. The precautions that we have in place for you are unprecedented, there is nothing else like it. The amount of NDAs, the security around the studio, the way you travel to work and hide your face constantly. It is a new experience for all of us. I’ve been in this industry for many years and when you came to us with your demands of privacy… Well, we’d never encountered anything like it. But we’re in this together. You’re worth this, Din.” Dale said, his reassuring words comforted Din instantly.

“Thank you,” Din said, voice suddenly thick with emotion.

“If there’s anything at all we can help you with, you know you can always talk to us. No problem is too insignificant,” Jim said, kindly. “How was the museum visit, by the way? Did you and Grogu have fun?”

Din was once again thankful that the helmet was covering his blushes. Jim’s question forced him to cast his mind back to the museum, to her…

“It was wonderful, thanks,” Din breathed. “Grogu and I learnt a lot. I appreciate the excursions you two and Fennec organise for us.”

“You’re welcome, Din. Anything we can do to help you feel settled,” Jim nodded. “If you ever want to organise one yourself, you know you can contact Fennec. Her job is to assist you and always make sure that you and Grogu are happy and settled.”

“I appreciate that. Really, it means a lot,” Din said appreciatively. “Being here in a new country with Grogu is always a little lonely, but the visits help.”

“Well, if you ever want to organise any more, don’t be afraid to contact Fennec,” Jim nodded.

“Are you going to be okay with filming today?” Dale asked

“Yes,” Din said instantly. 

Din knew that his head was probably elsewhere, but there was no way he would ever let down anyone else by refusing to film. Although he knew that there were plenty of intense action scenes and stunts that he would have to perform on this particular filming day that would take maximum concentration, Din was confident in his abilities to see them through. They were scenes that Din should be able to film in his sleep, with stunts that were as natural to him as an intake of breath.

The reality, though, of standing there in front of a set full of people looking at him expectantly was quite different. Din was hoping that by falling back into the routine of filming, that he would soon be distracted from the thoughts of the girl from the panel and the museum that had been racing through his mind since Friday.

He could not forget the glances she had thrown his way, the way her eyes lingered on him and the noticeable loss of her composure after he had compared her to the beautiful exhibits. Din was in awe of her knowledge about everything in the museum, the way she had shared it without being patronising. She was passionate, not arrogant, and had shown such patience and kindness to Grogu.

Din knew that he had to concentrate. Every take that he messed up inevitably cost money. But more than the financial repercussions, Din wanted to set the tone of filming for season three to a positive, productive one. Yet the ongoing dilemma of what to do going forward regarding his feelings for the girl were continuing to trouble Din.

It was a simple scene, in comparison to some of the intricate stunts with multiple moving parts that Din had to film in the past. All he had to do was fling himself across a cantina bar and punch a couple of aliens in the face. It was a move he had done hundreds of times in his life, both as The Mandalorian and in the life of violence he had known before Grogu. But today, Din could not get it right.

Din had reassured the director and stunt coordinator that he knew what was expected of him after he missed the first couple of takes, which was wholly uncharacteristic of someone who was usually as efficient as Din prided himself on being. It wasn’t a lie, either; Din knew exactly what was expected of him. 

It was not his body that was failing him, it was his mind that was distracted, centred on events and people far away from this set. As he set himself for the latest take, crouching slightly and anticipating the vocal cue that would signal when he needed to move, Din shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He focused on his breathing, attempting to centre himself in the Star Wars galaxy and embody the formidable, ruthless bounty hunter that he was meant to be.

But it was hopeless. When Din closed his eyes, he only saw her face. The take began, but he could not stop thinking about her. About how much he wanted to see her again and how he would do whatever it took to cross paths with her and let her know how important she was to him. 

“CUT!” the shout from the director startled Din out of the trance he had seemingly entered into once again. 

Din looked around then, and noticed the annoyed faces of the cast and crew. At first, they had been patient with him and tried to hide their disdain. Now, though, it was plain to see how disappointed they were with Din’s lack of composure. He felt awful, as though he was wasting everyone’s time. He knew he needed to get a grip. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Din said apologetically, after messing up the take yet again. “I really don’t know what’s wrong with me today,” he murmured dismissively, although Din knew full well exactly what the cause for his sudden lack of professionalism was. 

“Look, Mando, it’s fine,” the director, a man called Gideon, said in his distinctive husky tones as he wandered towards Din. “We’ll take an early break, you can go back to your trailer, get something to eat and then we’ll give this another go after lunch. We all have off days. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you,” Din said quietly, appreciative of the understanding and compassion that Gideon had shown him. 

The two had occasionally had their own creative differences and disagreements and Din was certain that he would not be friends with him outside of work. But within The Volume, they were amicable, at the very least. There was mutual respect there and a begrudging fondness that neither would admit to the other. When all was said and done, though, Din knew that Gideon wanted the best for the show and ultimately that meant working with Din, rather than against him.

Din retreated to his room, proverbial tail between his legs. He was disappointed in himself for inconveniencing everyone. Although, he at least had Jim’s comforting words to focus on. Din knew he was The Mandalorian, he had put a little bit of his soul into this character. No one would ever be able to take that away from him, bad day or not.

Din was optimistic that a bit of downtime with Grogu and some food would revitalise him and leave him able to complete his scenes in the afternoon. Walking through the door of his trailer, which was more like a comfortable suite of a hotel room in a corner of the building than a traditional trailer, to see the smiling face of his son lifted Din’s spirits already.

The room that Din had to relax in between takes was a windowless room, tucked in the corner of the studios, that had at first evoked feelings of claustrophobia, but now Din appreciated for the privacy it afforded him and Grogu. A lack of natural light was a hardship he was more than prepared to bear to maintain his privacy.

Iggy and Grogu were sprawled out on their stomachs, a box of felt tip pens was open and Din watched with pride as his son focused on the picture before him. Din could see a sliver of pink as Grogu stuck his tongue out and furrowed his brow in concentration. Iggy sat up as soon as Din walked through the door, nodding at the Mandalorian who loomed over him. 

“Hi Mando! Didn’t expect to see you so soon,” Iggy smiled. “Grogu and I have spent the morning doing some colouring in. He did really well, I’m sure he can’t wait to show you what he made!”

“Wonderful, I’m looking forward to seeing it,” Din said, nodding proudly at his son. “Thanks, Iggy.”

“No problem!” Iggy beamed as he stood up. “Well, I’ll leave the two of you to your lunch. I'll be back when it's time to go to set!”

The lock of the door clicking the shut symbolised that Iggy was gone and Din was finally alone with his son. He promptly removed his helmet, relieved to finally feel the air on his face once more. Din picked Grogu and his colouring book up and made his way over to the sofa, sitting Grogu in his lap, ready to appreciate his son's creations. Din had hoped that just the two of them together might have gone some way to calming his frayed nerves. But despite the overwhelming calmness and sense of purpose that Din felt whenever he was in Grogu’s presence, and even as his son proudly showed him the pages of the colouring book he had completed, Din still could not relax.

“They look amazing, buddy,” Din praised as Grogu showed him a page which, coincidentally, showed a rhinoceros. 

Din was fairly certain that rhinos were not purple with bright red spots, and even though the scrawled swirls ventured outside the lines in plenty of places, Din did not care. He was endlessly proud of his son, to him it was a greater masterpiece than Dürer’s rhino. To most people, it was just a messy, childish scribble, but Din believed that it belonged amongst the finest exhibits in the British Museum. There he was, thinking of her again.

Grogu excitedly showed Din a few more of his colourings, before Din decided it was time for the two of them to eat some lunch. Keeping his identity secret meant that Din could not eat at craft services with the rest of the cast, it would have been impractical to eat underneath his helmet in any case. But Din relished the meals he shared with Grogu in the little room together, it was a way for them to bond and a way for Din to ground himself in the middle of the day, amongst all the chaos that being on set usually brought. 

After helping himself to the platter of fruit that had been left, as usual, in his room and ensuring Grogu ate something too – despite Din’s efforts to expand his son’s palette, Grogu only wanted his favourite animal crackers – Din sprawled out on the couch. With the comforting weight of his boy on his chest, making Din’s heart soar as he stared up at him with big brown eyes, Din finally felt at peace for the first time all day. His mind was no longer racing over his dilemma, he just appreciated the comfort that time with Grogu brought him.

Din momentarily forgot the inner turmoil that was being waged within him in a battle between his head and his heart. For one second, he did not feel completely torn over what to do next. He was so relaxed that the outline of Grogu’s face gradually became more distorted, as Din’s eyelids grew heavy…

The banging on the door an indeterminate amount of time later roused Din from the slumber that he had unintentionally drifted off into. 

“Hey Mando! Can I come in?” A familiar voice sounded from the other side of the door. It was Peli Motto.

“Give me a second,” Din replied as he sat up, careful not to disturb Grogu, who he removed from his chest and gently placed on the couch. 

Din reflexively reached for his helmet from the floor and secured it on his head. He padded across the room and unlocked the door, feeling instantly brighter when he saw the brown eyes and wild curls of his favourite co-star staring back at him from the hallway. Peli’s presence always cheered him up, even on his darkest days.

“Word on the street is that you aren’t having the best day. What’s up, Mando? Something wrong with Grogu?” Peli asked concernedly. Although Din suspected that she was as keen to get in on the latest gossip as she was genuinely concerned for him. 

“No, Grogu is fine,” Din shook his head as he stepped back from the door to allow Peli inside the room.

“There he is!” Peli cooed as she walked towards the sofa and scooped Grogu up into her arms. Peli hugged him tightly and Grogu chirped happily, having awoken from his nap when he was moved, despite Din’s best efforts. “My favourite little guy, how are ya?” Peli cooed.

Grogu let out a delighted noise and Din felt his heart swell as he stood back, observing the two of them interact. He loved how close Peli was to his son. There were not many people Din trusted with his boy, but Peli was absolutely one of them. He was grateful for Peli’s presence in their lives, especially when adjusting to a brand new country and environment. Both Din and Grogu needed someone in their lives who was a comforting, uplifting presence and Peli filled that void perfectly. 

Despite how kooky and extroverted Peli was, in contrast to the quiet, methodical way Din conducted his business: if it ever came to it, Din knew that he would trust Peli with his life and even with Grogu’s life. In his bones, Din knew that he trusted her entirely. If anything, Peli was the person on the cast that he was most likely to reveal his identity to. Unfortunately, Peli possessed the loudest mouth on this planet, so Din was realistic about the odds of that ever happening: they ranged from slim to none. 

“Grogu is fine,” Din sighed. “It’s me…” 

“Oh quit moping, Mando. You’ll rust!” Peli said jokingly.

Din smirked beneath his helmet at her directness. He was unaccustomed to having people like this in his life who would speak to him so directly, without filter. But it was something that he had found he had been missing out on, he thoroughly enjoyed the way Peli would banter with him. At first, he had found the curly-haired woman a tad overbearing. But now, as she sat here in the brown overalls of her costume on the couch in his room, he realised just how much he had come to care about the woman. Even if the reason for his distress was partially her fault, to begin with.

“No seriously, bud. What’s up? I hate seeing you like this.” Peli said, sympathetically. “And if you don’t get your act together, we’ll all be stuck on this set for much longer than I’d like. I have two cats that miss me very much in Los Angeles, thank you very much.”

In typical Peli fashion, she could not resist gently ribbing him after any genuine concern was shown. But Din didn’t mind it. Emotions were a mildly terrifying concept to the man who had spent so much of his life alone.

“It’s all your fault, really,” Din said lightly.

“My fault?! Wait… please don’t tell me you saw that video. It was ONE time, okay!” Peli lifted her hand defensively.

Din just shook his head, having no idea what she was talking about. Whatever it was, Din was fairly certain that he did not want to know.

“No, Peli… I didn’t see any videos…”

“Good, mister. You better keep it that way,” Peli said sternly as she jabbed a finger in Din’s direction. “Now, do you want to talk about it? I’m here for ya, Mando.”

“Well, it’s kind of a crazy story. It all began after that conversation we had about that convention that was coming up. I wanted to try and see what all the fuss was about and also give something back to the fans, I guess. Make a few people’s day, take some pictures…” 

“That was you?!” Peli exclaimed, excitedly. “I knew it! What did you think of the con?”

“I hated it at first. It was horrendously busy. I probably would have left, but for an encounter I had. It opened my eyes up to how much people love Mando. It was… nice to feel their love and appreciation for the character.”

“I can’t believe you actually went…” Peli whispered, shaking her head in awe.

“Well, it was an incredibly reckless move in hindsight. Jim and Dale called me into their office to warn me against doing such a thing in future. The costume went viral and they had to make some fake social media profiles allegedly, to claim the costume…”

“That’s insane!” Peli squealed. “Oh yeah, it was everywhere online this week. I’m not surprised they had to do that, so many people were tweeting me, convinced it was the real Mando.”

Din cringed at her words, feeling terribly embarrassed once again at how much inconvenience his moment of recklessness had caused. He sat there for a few moments, trying to adjust to the information and take onboard how close he had come to having his cover blown. 

“That’s not why you can’t do the stunts, though, is it?” Peli questioned and Din marvelled once again at how much she saw him, despite having never laid eyes upon his face.

“No, you’re right. It isn’t,” Din conceded. “While I was at the convention, I attended this panel. It was right at the back of the convention hall, but it stood out to me. It was called ‘The Man behind the Mandalorian: Exploring the Identity of the Galaxy’s Best Bounty Hunter,’ and it was hosted by an awful man. A man who was way too old to be wearing a backwards baseball cap, but I digress,” Din grumbled, still caught up on how ridiculous the guy had looked as he sat there, thinking he was the greatest man on earth. “Well, the panel was pretty much just praising the violence of the show and how good Mando is at fighting. Pretty surface-level stuff. There were some criticisms in there, but I could take it, you know. They were still mostly aimed at the show. But then… he opened the floor up to questions at the end and things began to get nasty. People were making all kinds of personal insults about me, about the character. Calling me a diva and saying that I must be a nightmare to work with if I won’t show my face to anyone.”

“Awww, Mando. That sounds awful, it must have been really hard for you,” Peli soothed. She reached out to pat Din’s arm beneath his pauldron. The contact made him jump at first, but he soon melted into the reassuring touch. “You are the furthest thing from a diva. I know I tease you a lot, but I genuinely think you’re a great guy. I really care about you and the kid. Even though I don’t know what you look like. I mean, you could look like an ingrown toenail under there. How would I know?!” Peli joked and Din found himself laughing at that, despite the inner turmoil that still waged inside him. “Look, I still treat you so kindly, aren’t I nice?” Peli added, even though they were both well-aware of how much she teased Din. 

“Thanks, Peli,” Din said appreciatively, his voice full of the genuine mirth that her comments had provoked in him.

Giggling like this with Peli was a brief moment of welcome relief and Din’s shoulders dropped a little from the tense position they had been frozen in through most of the conversation. But Din knew the lighthearted moment was fleeting. He still had to explain to Peli the reason for his tormented state.

“It wasn’t the things that were said at the panel that caused all this though,” Din sighed, taking a deep breath as he braced himself to explain the cause of his current state of mind. “Don’t get me wrong, I was having a terrible, awful time. I really wanted to leave. I was about to. But then, this girl stood up. She… she marched right to the mic. I could tell she was a little bit nervous, but she spoke so passionately about me and the show and she stood up for me. Not just as Mando but also as… me. Even though she didn’t know anything about me, she still respected my right to privacy. It felt incredible… her words, they soothed my soul.”

“Oh! Mando has a crush!” Peli said in a teasing, sing-song voice.

Din just tilted his helmet to one side, conveying his disapproval. It was a part of Din that had found its way into the show. Mando was always conveying his disdain for others with a simple tilt of the head, but that mannerism was one hundred per cent a Din Djarin move.

“Sorry. Continue,” Peli said, waving her hand as if to encourage him.

“Thank you. Well, the way she made me feel, it was amazing, obviously,” Din admitted. He paused again, attempting to find the words to explain the rest of the story. “But that wasn’t the last time I saw her. After I left the panel, I went around the hall, taking photos with panels. I was about to leave but then the girl and her friend stopped me for a picture. She was so sweet and polite. I couldn’t stop thinking about her for days… I felt certain that that was the last time I would ever see her…. But then….”

“Woah, hold on there. Look, if you’re gonna tell me about some illegal shit, I gotta get my lawyer on speakerphone. I can’t be a party to any criminal acts, I’m on very thin ice as it is, Mando. Please don’t tell me that you stalked her on social media and then tracked her down to her house and used the zoom on your phone to track her every move until the….” Peli yammered, but Din stopped her.

“What?! No. Of course not, Peli,” Din said, cutting his eccentric, curly-haired friend off mid-ramble and doing his best to ignore the oddly specific fear that she had.

“Oh…” Peli exhaled. “Well, in that case, please continue…”

“A few days later, one of the team here, on orders of Jim and Dale, organised a visit to the British Museum for Grogu and me. Imagine my surprise when the same girl ends up being our tour guide. Except, I went there without my helmet. I was just… me. The man behind the suit. She met me as me, not as Mando. It’s a mess,” Din sighed, his shoulders slumping forward again. “I like her and I’d like to see her again and get to know her. I think I felt a genuine connection there, and she was so great with Grogu. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, Peli. But how can I… pursue anything? When she’s such a big fan of the show. It would feel strange… like I was taking advantage somehow. Plus, I can’t stand lying. I’d be hiding myself, hiding who I am. A massive part of me.”

“Oh, look at you, Mando. You big softie,” Peli smiled, looking at him adoringly. She was a few years older than Din and he had long sensed that she felt somewhat maternalistic towards him. Peli was looking at him with all the pride a mother might show when their child shows an interest in someone, with a hint of surprise there, too. It seemed that she had never considered that he could be the romantic type. 

“What do I do, Peli?” Din asked, desperately seeking the advice he needed to soothe his troubled soul.

“Well, firstly I don’t think you’re taking advantage of her. She doesn’t know you’re Mando. You might have started catching feelings for her when you saw her in that panel, but she doesn’t need to know that,” Peli advised. “I would say, you also don’t have to outright come out with the truth. You can just… skirt around it, I guess. She doesn’t have to know specifics about where you work, it’s just… keeping a secret or two, rather than lying.”

“What if she ever finds out that I’ve been keeping secrets?” Din asked, his voice full of apprehension at the idea.

“Well, hopefully you would have told her on your own terms long before that, once you felt comfortable enough and as though you could trust her. But, hopefully, if that happened… she would understand. Your life, I certainly don’t envy you Mando,” Peli admitted.

“There’s a lot to juggle,” Din confessed.

“I know, I can’t imagine the burden. You deserve nice things, Mando. You deserve a love story of your own. Just make sure she gets to know you for you. Not Mando, with no armour, just you… whoever you are beneath all that. Hell, I don’t even know!”

“Thanks, Peli,” Din smiled, feeling comforted by her words. For all of her eccentricity, Peli still had a heart of gold. “I’ve never really done this before, though. I mean… dated someone. I didn’t get her number after the tour but I’m sure I could get a message to her somehow. I was thinking about sending her a bunch of flowers, with a little note,” Din pondered. “Is that a thing people still do? She seems to be a bit younger than me, in her mid-twenties if I had to guess.”

“Mando! You really are the romantic type! I never would have guessed that from you!” Peli squealed. “She’s a very lucky gal, I’m sure that would be a very thoughtful gesture that would be appreciated by her. Go for it.”

“I will,” Din said, determinedly.

Peli lingered for a few more minutes, catching Din up on all of the gossip he had missed in craft services. Din didn’t particularly care for gossip, but somehow when it was Peli, it was endearing to listen to. Then the brown-overall wearing woman made her exit, mumbling about how she needed to head for a smoke before filming began again.

Din sat there for a few moments, smiling to himself in her wake. He knew that in a few minutes, Din would be summoned to set as Iggy would knock on his door ready to take care of Grogu. Din would have to face a room full of people who were at worst, annoyed and at best, concerned. He had to leave the room, projecting an air of strength and dependability that he was, as Mando. When he left the room, the transformation would be complete from doting father to feared, intergalactic bounty hunter. 

Din could have no distractions now. He knew what he needed to do, the talk with Peli had given him clarity and purpose and, bizarrely, the animal that Grogu had been colouring in had given him an idea. So, Din picked up the phone in his trailer and dialled the extension that took him through to the offices of Fennec Shand.

The phone rang once.

“Good afternoon Mando, how can I help you?” Fennec asked.

“Hi, Fennec,” Din replied. “Can you please get me the phone number for the best florist in London?”

Next Chapter

Taglist:@toxic-seduction @survivingandenduring @readingiskeepingmegoing

[frozenprocedural]

Panic Attack

Set in the Costs an Arm and a Leg (CAAAAL) AU. Alarik and Beata belong to @patricia-von-arundel.

Brought out the Whump Stick for this one. Spot the Ted Lasso reference...

Happy Birthday, Alarik!

Panic Attack

Rating: T

Elsa struggled to swallow with a dry throat, raising a shaking hand to the door in front of her. 

Knock, just knock. You know how to.

Why was she so nervous? She and Alarik had been seeing one another for a few months now, and she'd always found herself completely at ease with his company- surprisingly so when she most often felt more comfortable around horses than people. It was, however, her first time visiting his apartment. The first time she'd been to any other home in a relationship, really. 

Elsa shook her head, took several grounding breaths- in for three, out for six- and forced herself to knock.

“Coming!”

Alarik's voice was muffled, though the clanging and crashing sounds were less so, and Elsa winced. She stepped back a second before the door swung open, revealing Alarik, his curls already springing out in all directions. 

“Hi! Come on in! It's not that big, I'm afraid, but I did clean up and tried to make some space…”

“Alarik.” She placed a hand on his arm, and he blushed. “I'm sure it's perfect. Thank you for having me over.” Somehow, seeing and hearing his nervousness made her own ease. As she stepped in, she noticed a delicious smell wafting through the air. 

“Something smells really good.”

Alarik grinned as he took her coat. “Lemon salmon pasta with asparagus and bread. Though I cheated a bit- the salmon and asparagus did come pre-seasoned. But I promise the pasta and bread are homemade.”

Her jaw dropped. “You made the bread and pasta from scratch? I can't believe- sorry! I didn't mean…” 

Alarik chuckled as he opened the oven door, grabbing a pan with a mitt-covered hand. “No worries, I understand. I really only make it for special occasions. You, of course, count as a very special occasion.” 

Elsa laughed at that. “We'll, then, I'll take your high praise. Perhaps some time you could teach me how to make those.”

“Perhaps.” Something flickered across Alarik's face, and he quickly turned back to the oven. Before Elsa could ask if anything was wrong, he turned back with a grin and a freshly-baked loaf of bread. “Well, dinner is served!”

………

After dinner and a movie, Alarik insisted that she take his bed and he would sleep on the couch. Despite her protests- his long frame barely fit- he refused to budge on the subject. Elsa finally relented, and was surprised to find how comfortable she was in his bed, surrounded by his faint scent. Sleep found her quickly.

She woke a few hours later, disoriented and panicky until she took a deep breath and remembered where she was. Elsa checked her phone- 3 am- and rolled over in an attempt to return to sleep when she heard a cry. 

“Alarik?”

Silence at first, then another cry, this one louder and longer than the previous. 

Elsa fumbled for the light, flicked it on, and grabbed her crutches. Within seconds she was in the main room, the moonlight revealing what she'd heard. 

Alarik thrashed and screamed, his face contorted in pain, eyes still closed. Elsa worried he might fall off given how violent his movements were. She maneuvered to the head of the couch, wary of his flailing arms, and freed a hand to touch his shoulder.

“Alarik!”

He jerked upright, eyes snapping open and flying back and forth across the room, looking for the unseen threat. His chest heaved, and she could see his entire body shake. 

“Alarik.”

He seemed unaware of her presence, still scanning the room, his breaths turning to shallow gasps. His hand clutched his chest, and Elsa knew right away what was happening. She turned on the lamp beside the couch, and then sat on the coffee table in front of him.

“Alarik. It's okay.”

He blinked, finally focusing on her, though his gasping and trembling continued. Elsa reached out and took his hand in both of hers, interlacing their fingers and squeezing tight.

“It's okay. Try to breathe.”

Alarik shook his head, still gasping for breath, his fingers tightening around hers. “I can- I can't. I can't… I don't know what's going on, I'm so sorry…”

“You're having a panic attack, Alarik. Just… breathe.”

Elsa pressed his hand to her chest, exaggerating her breathing so he could feel it. Alarik looked up, his eyes wide and wet. 

“I'm going crazy.”

Elsa rested her forehead on his. “No Alarik. No more than anyone else. It just feels that way. Here, try this with me. Breathe in for a count of three, hold it for three, out for six. Ready?”

She coached him, tapping her fingers on his until his shaking eased and his breathing settled. 

“There we go.” Elsa freed one hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks, keeping the other laced in his. “There we go. You're alright. You're safe.”

She kept murmuring reassurances until Alarik sank back into the couch, letting out a shaky breath. Elsa kept a hold on his hand, running her thumb along his knuckles. 

“Was this the first time this happened?”

“...no. I just… I didn't know what it was. I never knew what was going on when they happened.” 

Elsa kept her face neutral, even though she wanted to break down. Her panic attacks were bad enough, but at least she'd known what they were. “I'm sorry, Alarik.”

He shook his head. “Not your fault.”

Elsa sat with him in silence for several seconds, unsure how to broach what she'd witnessed. It was Alarik who spoke first. 

“I get nightmares. Reliving the accident. Not every night, but… they happen often enough. I don't know how much you know about what happened.”

Elsa lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “I know you had an accident that ended up requiring amputation. But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm fine sitting here with you, or giving you space. Whatever you need.”

Alarik closed his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath. “I… I wanted to tell you eventually. It's just… hard for me to talk about it. But if you're okay hearing it, I do want to tell you.”

“Of course. I'm here, and I'm listening.”

Alarik remained quiet for so long, Elsa wondered if he decided he wasn't ready to tell her. Then he spoke in a soft, halting voice. 

“I was a senior in college, using a portable bunsen burner for a field experiment. When I went to light it…”

Alarik closed his eyes, his jaw going tense. “The investigators later said there must have been some damage to the butane tank it was attached to. Whatever it was, the entire thing exploded. I'd been reaching over to grab some other supplies, and there was a flash and a massive bang.”

A shudder racked Alarik's entire body, his grip like a vice. Elsa stroked his knuckles again, but said nothing, giving him the time he needed. After a shaky breath, he continued. 

“I was knocked back, and at first I was just disoriented and confused. I remember looking down and just not processing what happened for several seconds. I was… confused. Then I realized the thing I was looking at was what was left of my hand.”

Another shudder, and she could see tears tracking down his cheeks. Elsa took the corner of the blanket and wiped them away, murmuring “breathe” as she did. 

“The pain hit then, and I don't remember much else. It just… took over. I knew I was screaming, but I could only really hear the ringing in my ears from the explosion. Everything else really is just a blur- I was either passed out or in too much pain to take anything in. And I was eventually sedated. I had to be flown to the hospital by helicopter, but the only thing I remember is waking up in the hospital room, with my hand completely gone.”

“They had to amputate it.”

Elsa hadn't phrased it as a question, but Alarik nodded.

“There really wasn't anything left. And the risk of infection- between the shrapnel and the burns- was too high. And then there were subsequent surgeries for the burns on my arm. I spent two months in the hospital, and over a year in physical and occupational therapy. During that time, that's when the nightmares started. They've gotten better over the years, but… you saw what happens.”

Alarik sagged against the couch, clearly exhausted. Elsa squeezed his hand, and he looked down for a moment, before shifting his other arm out from under the blanket. He hesitated, then placed it between them. 

It was the first time she would see his limb without his prosthetic or a sleeve. Elsa immediately looked at his face, searching for any signs of doubt. 

“It's… okay. If you want to see it.”

“Only if you're certain.”

“I am. You've trusted me to see yours. I've just… it's hard for me.”

Elsa cupped his cheek. “And that's okay. You've had a traumatic experience. I'm happy to have your trust in this.”

Elsa finally allowed herself to look. Rope-like scars twisted the skin of Alarik's arm, up to his elbow, while a faint furrow bisected the stump of his wrist. Elsa reached out, but stopped short of his arm. 

“May I?”

Alarik's eyes widened as if he was surprised, but he nodded and moved his arm towards her. Elsa traced a finger over the ridges and divots, his skin warm against hers. She could feel Alarik begin to relax, and changed her tracing to a light massage. As she did, a thought came to her.

“Was this why you seemed… hesitant when I suggested you teach me how to make the bread and pasta?”

Alarik tensed up, and Elsa sucked in a breath, afraid she'd crossed a line and broken the trust he'd given her. But then he sighed and nodded.

“Yes. I can't really use my prosthetic while baking, and I'm still self-conscious about the scars, even after all these years. I'm sorry.”

“Alarik, there is nothing to apologize for. You have every right to choose if or when I saw something, especially something so personal and life-changing. The fact you trust me in this is important to me, and I'm grateful for it.”

Alarik made some small whimpering noise, and tears began to flow freely. Elsa transferred over to the couch and held her arms open. He sank into them with a sob, and she held him close, rubbing his back and ignoring the growing wet spot on her shirt. 

Eventually, Alarik pulled away, wiping at his face. Elsa raised a hand, forestalling another apology when he eyed the stain on her shirt. 

“Don't worry about it. But I think it's time to get you to bed.”

When Alarik started to lie down, Elsa shook her head. “Bed, Alarik. Not the couch. You barely fit on that tiny thing, and that won't help you get back to sleep.” When she saw the stubborn set of his jaw, she sighed. 

“Would you be happier if I slept next to you?”

Alarik's eyes went wide. “I… yes… but, are you sure?”

Elsa smiled, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek. “I'm positive. Now, come on, to bed.”

………..

Being tucked up against Alarik was even more comforting than sleeping surrounded by his scent. Elsa rested her head against his chest, stroking his stump while he stroked her hair. She could already hear his breathing deepening, could feel his hand slow in its movements, and she knew he wasn't far from sleep. She snuggled a bit closer, letting her own heavy eyelids close.

They slept, peaceful and happy. 

……….

Two Weeks Later

This time, Elsa didn't knock when she reached Alarik's apartment. She simply turned the knob, entering with a cheerful “Hi Alarik!” as she nudged the door shut with her foot. 

“In the kitchen!” he called back. 

She stepped in to find the counter full of ingredients- flour, sugar, salt, among others. Alarik wore an apron, his sleeves rolled up past his elbows- a sight that sent a strange spark traveling through her. 

“Oh, are you making bread? Or pasta?”

Alarik grinned, and beckoned her over.  “Actually, I was hoping to teach you how to make bread today.

Elsa came to stand beside him. His stump remained in full view, and she smiled up at him, happy to see his comfort.

“I would love to.” 

[player1064]

despite being a very in shape man the amount of times jamie’s ever been seen shirtless (that i’m aware of anyway) is depressingly few and i’ve always hc that it’s because of his stomach scars so maybe some insecure about his scars jamie and gary who just thinks everything about his tall hunk of a man is incredibly sexy

this ended up a lot more 'silly holiday fluff' than 'jamie being insecure' though like. he IS insecure about it u just have to look at his instagram to see it bc honestly WHY ELSE DOES HE ALWAYS WEAR A TSHIRT ON THE BEACHHHHH!!!

---

Despite the break between Premier League seasons being three months long, the reality of punditry (or at least, the reality of punditry as done by Gary Neville) is that you end up getting pulled in to cover the international tournaments, and then the off-season tours, and then the pre-season ramp-ups. Then, of course, there’s all the non-football business admin, always thoughtfully pushed to the summer months so as not to distract from the season, and the podcast is an every-week-of-the-year type of thing, so no breaks there. Which all adds up to allow for a generous two-week – at a stretch – summer holiday each year.

Gary was the winner of this year’s ‘holiday destination’ argument, so he and Jamie are at his house in Malta, spending their precious two week break doing fuck all besides sitting round the pool or wandering down to the beach. A housekeeper comes by every morning to prep their breakfasts and lunch, and they go out for dinner most nights, revelling in their ability to go out on the town unrecognised.

He's even turned off his email notifications. Sure, his assistant is still sending him any important updates, but only because two weeks is an awfully long time to be completely off the grid for, and this is the compromise he and Jamie were able to reach after another couple of hours arguing.

Today, he wakes to sunlight streaming through the sheer curtains and to Jamie, sat on the edge of the bed with a freshly brewed cup of coffee for him.

The first thing he sees when he blinks his eyes open is Jamie smiling at him, leaning down to brush a gentle kiss over Gary’s lips. “Mornin’, lazy bum,” he says, and Gary can’t help but smile back.

“Mornin’, you,” he replies, reaching his arms above his head to stretch with a yawn. “Y’sleep alright?”

“’bout six hours, yeah,” Jamie says, clearly pleased with himself. If it was anyone else, Gary would think he was out of his mind. But it’s Jamie, so he knows he’s out of his mind. And, unfortunately, while a six-hour sleep might leave Gary cranky and exhausted, for Jamie it’s almost luxurious. “Just got back from me run, the sea’s lookin’ gorgeous. Fancy a beach day today?”

Gary hums in agreement, far too preoccupied with the mug of coffee he’s sipping at to contribute much else to the conversation.

“Sound, okay then. Just need a quick shower, then I’m all yours.”

“D’you want company?” Gary offers.

Jamie scrunches his face up. “Ugh, I’m all sweaty ‘n disgustin’ though.”

“’s how I like you, to be fair.”

Jamie rolls his eyes, but he takes Gary’s hand and tugs him out of bed and towards the bathroom.

*

The beach closest to the house is a small one, but it’s only really accessible from the other handful of houses on the street, so it’s blissfully quiet. When they walk down there Gary immediately gets himself set up in a sun lounger with the book he’s been reading, ignoring Jamie’s pleas to come for a swim with him.

“Maybe later, James, leave me in peace fer a bit,” he teases, laughing when Jamie walks down to the water grumbling about what a lazy cunt he is.

This, of course, is a mistake on Gary’s part. Because when Jamie’s done with his swim, he comes over and pushes his way onto Gary’s chair, draping himself all over him while still soaking wet.

Gary screeches.

“My fuckin’ book, Jamie, th’ pages are gonna get all wrinkled now!” he complains, trying to push Jamie away.

Jamie presses closer, nuzzling his cold nose into Gary’s neck.

“You filthy, filthy Scouser,” Gary says, but he’s stopped his attempts at pushing Jamie and has instead let his hands lie still on his torso, fingers curling into the wet fabric of his t-shirt. “You wait until – oi!”

He cuts himself off, frowning at the t-shirt under his hands.

“Oi?” Jamie asks, one eyebrow raised.

“This is mine, you dickhead, now it’s gonna be all stretched out, an’ the saltwater’s gonna fade it… I fuckin’ liked that shirt.”

“Think my wallet can stretch to buy you a new t-shirt, prissy fuck.”

“It’s the principle of the thing.”

“I’ll buy it from Stone Island.”

Gary should probably take a moment to at least pretend to consider the offer, but he’s on holiday and maybe today that means cutting to the chase and just saying “fine.”

“There we are.”

“But you’re still not wearin’ this one, c’mon, off w’it.”

“Oh my god,” Jamie argues, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t bring down a spare, all mine are in the wash. I can’t be fucked to walk all the way back to house, Gaz, can’t y’just leave it? I’ll buy you two t-shirts, even.”

“It’s thirty degrees, Jamie, not a single cloud in the sky! We’re at the beach! Dunno about you, but I never found the farmer’s tan a particularly sexy look, you’d be better off if y’just went without.”

“Gary…” Jamie sighs.

“I’m serious,” Gary says, tugging at the hem of the t-shirt. “There’s what, two other people on this whole beach? Three? An’ I’m sure they ‘ave better things to look at than you. A mouldy log, maybe. Or what’re them fishes called, the ones with the noses? I bet y’could strip right down naked an’ nobody’d blink an eye.”

“’m not strippin’ down naked in public, lad.”

“I’m not askin’ you to.”

“You’re bein’ awful precious over a t-shirt, considerin’ what you’ve got in the bank.”

“I could give a fuck about the t-shirt,” Gary says quickly. “Now that you’ve ruined my book maybe I need somethin’ nice to look at, t’pass the time.”

Jamie looks away from Gary, a faint red flush to his face. “Find you a mouldy log, then,” he mutters.

They’re on holiday, so Gary decides he can allow himself to spout a bit of sentimental rot. These opportunities only come round once a year, after all. He slips his hand under Jamie’s shirt, rubs his thumb gently over the rough skin underneath.

“Eh, think I’d much rather look at you,” he says, soft and sweet and everything that makes him want to wash his mouth out with soap.

“Clingy, aren’t we?” Jamie says, grinning. He pulls away for a second, tugs the shirt over his head. “Y’only look at me every day of yer fuckin’ life, Christ, maybe I need t’get a restrainin’ order.”

Gary tugs him back down to shut him up the best way he knows how.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

I am LOSING my MIND over this one asdklfkglghf it's SO GOOD help

(also also I was wondering out of sheer curiosity what made you chose "Sea Glass Gardens" for the title? )

Yayyyy I’m so happy you like it! I’m absolutely obsessed with JJK, but specifically with the character dynamics, and I love the Yuuta-Maki-Inumaki-Panda Squad so much. Probably my only regret about sea glass gardens is that I couldn’t bring in the Fushiguro-Itadori-Kugisaki Squad (who’s my favorite squad in the show) since it’s all pre-season 1, but I have different stories for them down the line that I desperately hope I get to the posting stage with. sea glass gardens lets me really have fun with the senpai crew in the meantime and I simply love them.

All of my stories are generally named because I liked the cadence and vibes/associations of a set of words with the story, and this was generally my thought process with sea glass gardens:

Naturally occurring sea glass is a phenomenon that arises when glass breaks and washes overboard in ship transit. Effectively, the glass goes into the water and is tumbled around in the surf for anywhere between 20 and 200 years. The glass is weathered down until it becomes a smooth, frosted pebble that retains the color of the original glass and may eventually wash to shore on a beach somewhere in the world, where someone may think it’s pretty and pick it up. Sea glass has a bit of a collection market around it. There’s this entire thing about the color of the sea glass and what kind of glass shard it originally came from that makes some colors of sea glass more valuable than others. It’s a whole thing.

There’s actually two meanings behind the sea glass part of the name. The first is nicer.

In my mind, the story of sea glass is a bit of an odyssey. The glass starts it’s life thinking it has a specific purpose (I’m aware glass doesn’t think yada yada personification yada yada). It’s meant to be a liquor bottle or medicine bottle or car headlight. But then it’s entire world gets smashed to pieces and it gets hurled into an unforgiving land where it’s constantly worn down and changed until it’s new form is completely unrecognizable to what it was meant to be. It washes up on a beautiful, sunny beach somewhere, and it’s beautiful as well. In that way, sea glass can be a story of making it out the other end of seemingly endless tribulation—changed, but the thing you became was beautiful even if it was unexpected. In that way, it kind of reminded me of Yuuta spending six years in despair from Rika’s curse, but at the end, it was a story of love. Rika still loved him. She didn’t curse him back. His friends loved him. He came out the other end of it changed, but what he found was beautiful.

Of course, there’s a darker interpretation of sea glass, which is that it’s only a good thing for the person that finds the sea glass. If you’re the sea glass, you got a pretty shit bargain.

Like, the entire thing about the glass being worn down and becoming a beautiful, valuable item is only a good deal if you’re the collector. If you’re the glass, you just got the shit kicked out of you by the surf for 200 years only for some shithead on the beach to coo about how lucky they are to find orange sea glass. If I was the sea glass, I would not be happy with that turn of my life. The collector is the one who benefits from this—from my perspective, I just spent 200 fucking years stuck in a current getting all the things that made me me worn away. This is only a good thing for the person who did none of the work but profits from the suffering.

Which is a good nod to the overarching conflict: the higher ups in JJK, and the fact that this is a society that fundamentally eats their young.

Canonically, this is a system that has a few people on the very top that have adopted a policy of hostility to the youth. Like, Gojo’s entire belief system centers on trying to preserve the youth of the students while still nurturing their growth, which the higher ups time and time again bash heads with him over. And of course they do—they’re profiting directly from this system. And I think the most interesting case studies of this are the season 1 first years and Gojo’s generation.

The series opens with the higher ups deciding the entire first years class are acceptable losses. Like, these are three fifteen year olds that have been doing this for two weeks and they sent them all on a mission to die because it would make Gojo look bad and get rid of Sukuna in one fell swoop. It was such a masterful way of establishing exactly the lines that the higher ups were willing to cross from the get out.

And it’s a system that is shown to be worse when we see Gojo’s generation. And it’s pretty clearly because, unlike with the prior generation, there's Gojo to intervene on their behalf and protect them.

Gojo and Geto, while being the strongest from a brute force perspective, were two teenage boys who were basically told to assist in the sacrifice of a fourteen year old girl. They were given zero aid or supervision in this, and I sincerely doubt they were given mental health counseling after gojo was fucking brutally murdered and came back from the dead like Jesus Christ himself and Geto was beaten within an inch of his life by his best friend’s murderer who had just shot a little girl in front of him. We then find out that they were separated on all missions afterwards, severing them from the only consistent support system they had, and that the workload had been heavier than ever.

And we don't ever see anyone try to protect them, either. Yaga makes for fascinating case study from a character building perspective, and as a person he's someone i would probably have major beef with if he was real.

Yaga has an interesting dynamic with Gojo, because while they both do legitimately seem to care about the students, he will not intervene and protect the students in the same way Gojo does.

The first time we see this is with Yuuji--specifically when he dies and comes back to life. Gojo very noticeably did not bring Yaga in on Yuuji's survival. He brings in Nanami, who isn't even a teacher, but he doesn't bring in the guy who taught Gojo himself. And when Yaga discovers he survives, he immediately punishes Gojo, explicitly because Yuuji is alive and because Gojo was fucking with Principal Gakuganji.

The thing is that it really sends a message if you punish one of your teachers for the fact that *checks notes* your student did not die from his heart being manually ripped from his chest during the suicide mission he was sent on by the school you are in charge of. Even if we give it the more generous reading of "Yuuji's not dead and Gojo covered that fact up" we still end up with this correlation of Yaga punishing Gojo for his student's continued survival.

Yaga walks an interesting line because while he is shown to care for students and does not seem to be a full conservative, he very much toes the line with the higher ups. Gojo's straight up feuding with them, but Yaga's still trying to maintain professional relationships with them.

The thing is that if I was the principal of Jujutsu high, there would be no goodwill event, because if I ever saw Principal Gakuganji it would be on sight. It's so hard to foster goodwill when I'm beating the other principal to death with his own guitar. See if you ever fuck with my first years again, you weird old fuck. I'll set your fucking house on fire.

As a side note, I would have been fired extraordinarily fast if I was the principal.

Yaga acts in the narrative as a sort of centrist/intermediary, and it makes sense why he is that way. He's not Gojo. He doesn't have the leverage of being the strongest and cannot get away with the same. Whether he could get away with more than what he does is a different question, but at his core, he tends to prioritize maintaining relationships with the higher ups at direct cost to the students.

Like, if I was a first year, and I saw the principal punishing my teacher for not properly respecting the guy who sent me out on a Death Mission and for the continued heartbeat of my classmate, I'd be like "Cool, so I can't trust him." Every decision made in JJK comes at cost. Gojo's protection of the students comes at the cost of hostility and non-cooperation with the higher ups, but Yaga maintaining these relationships comes to the student's detriment. And we see this in pretty stark depiction with Gojo as a student.

In the past, Geto might as well have erected a billboard reading "sad homosexual in crisis." He wasn't talking to people, but the boy looked Unwell. Even without that, you don't have to be a genius to figure out "Hey Maybe Pump The Breaks On All These Missions For The Students Who Got Carved Up Like Prime Rib And Watched Their Pseudo Sister Get Shot In The Head." Yaga did seem genuinely devastated by Geto and how it all went, but he still fucking handed Gojo his execution order and asked him why he let him get away. At his core, Yaga is sympathetic to his students, cares about him, but we don't have a single canonical instance of him protecting them that I can think of. And the fact that adult Gojo never once brings him into the fold the way he does with Shoko, Nanami, or even Ijichi suggest that Gojo may not trust him to prioritize the students. Like, Yaga taught Gojo himself and actively worked at the school Gojo was hiding Yuuji on, and Gojo was still standing there saying "Hey Nanami, I know you don't teach like, at all, but I have this adorable student who needs someone to show him the art of fighting while looking sick as hell. There are no other options."

Which means that the time where Yaga's the only insulation is a pretty good case study of what the higher ups are like without anyone running interference against them, and we can see pretty quickly that these are people who view human beings as disposable assets.

And I think it's interesting that it was at this time that Megumi's deal with the school was hashed out.

Megumi is, effectively, purchased in childhood. Like, there is no world in which his decision to be a jujutsu sorcerer can be framed as an actual decision on his part. He's living in a system that he never have control over, and it makes his actions in childhood and his later high school years so fascinating.

Megumi just didn't have much of an option. He was a 4-5 year old with a 5-6 year old in charge and his choices were "Go with the Zenin, who purchased you first, who will make you be a jujutsu sorcerer anyway, and who will treat your sister terribly (if they even take her at all)" or "have your future service as a jujutsu sorcerer be collateral for you and your sister to continue surviving." I don't even think he could have said "me and Tsumiki will figure it out, just leave us alone" because even if we assume that two literal babies can survive on their own, I highly doubt that the Zenin would have shrugged and let him go. The actual choice to be a jujutsu sorcerer was taken out of his hands entirely. He had the illusion of choice with how he would make it to the inevitable end of becoming a sorcerer, but he's never been free.

And it's never explicitly stated who masterminded this deal exactly, but I heavily doubt that it was Gojo alone who came up with it, if it was even Gojo at all. Like, Gojo's not exactly an innocent. He makes hard calls when it comes to the kids for the best end (like sending Inumaki and Panda to get their asses beat by Geto, trusting Geto wouldn't kill them and believing that it would set Yuuta off, which was the only chance he and Maki had at survival). But he also casually dropped 10 million yen just so his students would get promotions that they deserved and seems to genuinely care for Megumi. "You need to pay the school back via indentured servitude for the costs of buying you and raising you" just isn't in character for him to have come up with, especially when you consider that it's the school specifically that Megumi has to pay back. It's not Gojo, who's old money and making obscene amounts as the only special grade sorcerer around, and who could have probably afforded to raise Megumi and his sister without aid. So we can say that this leverage over Megumi was most likely a compromise Gojo made while stopping his sale to the Zenin.

The higher ups do not want students and sorcerers to exist in a system where they have free choice. Gojo's a great example of that--he has the leverage to tell them to get fucked, and they hate him. They're sea glass collectors sifting through the sand for the rarest colors, and it's a fucking boon if they're too worn down to protest what the higher ups want.

Which makes Yuuta pretty much the most valuable piece of sea glass on the beach at the end of JJK 0.

At the end of JJK 0, it was freshly discovered that Yuuta not only was the one with the power and not Rika, but that his power was probably the greatest on the planet. He outstrips Gojo in terms of raw energy, though Gojo's Six Eyes technique means that his cursed energy is limitless and he'd still probably come out on top if it came down to a fight.

But Yuuta's also vulnerable at the end of JJK 0 in a way that Gojo hasn't been in a long time.

Yuuta is sea glass that just washed on the shore. He just got out of the currents that have been weathering him down into smooth, valuable glass.

He spent the last six years being pushed to the point of suicidal depression, haunted by the cursed spirit of someone he loved and never got to properly mourn. He finally released her spirit in the same breath that he discovered that he was the one who cursed her to begin with. His parents aren't in the picture at all. He's a boy with no safety net, no security, no self-worth, no real understanding of their world, and he just one shot the guy who was previously their gold standard so devastatingly easily that we didn't even find out what Geto's Big Major Ultra Attack could do because Yuuta and Rika curb stomped him that fucking quickly. He's got once in a millennia levels of power, and it's all wrapped up in a kid who's too young and too traumatized to properly defend himself right now.

The story's about sea glass, and it opens with collectors trying to snatch a valuable piece from the sand before anyone realizes how much its worth.

Gojo's conversation with Yuuta acts, effectively, as the conversation of one piece of rare sea glass to another warning him that someone is going to come along and pluck him from the sand. Gojo went through the gauntlet of trauma with losing Riko and Geto and only realized too late how to push back against the higher ups. Yuuta's in the unfortunate position of being too valuable for the higher ups to let go of, and he hasn't realized that in the same way that Gojo has. Which is why he's opening being terrified of being pushed out after everything, and Gojo and Nanami are the ones who have more appropriately diagnosed the problem as "they're going to do to him what they did to Megumi."

The story's about coming out the other end of years of trauma and making something beautiful in the remnants of your life, but it's also about other people wanting to profit off of the pain and suffering of others. Sea glass fit both of those meanings and had a nice, evocative mental image to me.

The "gardens" part added this sort of mystic quality that I thought fit the tone of the show in general. Like, the fuck even is a sea glass garden? Is it a garden that grows sea glass? Is it a garden decorated with sea glass? It has a sort of fantastical, improbable quality that I liked, and add into it the fact that this is all taking place in a school setting. Schools are, ideally, a place for people to grow, and that's exactly what Yuuta and his classmates are there to do: grow, safely, with people like Nanami and Gojo trying to make the environment to do that.

[wackymaci]

Maci Wiki Snips - the entire backstory - part one

(eta; part two!) (part three!)

bc who tf knows if I’ll ever really finish wiki and, well, this is all written sooo💓

akaaaa

Pre-canon events & backstories: This section contains information about Maci from before the canon Elysium’verse began - events that have taken place essentially “offscreen,” but are still canonical, and even crucial, to Maci’s history. Presented as a short biography... into narrative story.

copypasted<3 so, this is all very lawng. this is basically one half of an entire novel. so I am obv putting behind a cut and splitting into multiple parts (I think just two??) so, I’ve included some of this even verbatim in that one essay about Hades and Maci a few weeks ago but this is THE WHOLE SHEBANG….. or well. Up until age 17.

CW: everything ; Hades & Thanatos and all that that means in the early stages of your standard Maci background - emotional abuse/child abuse, physical abuse, grooming, etc,

so. ahemm. maci.

Early life & childhood, ages 0 to 10

Macaria is the only child of Hades and Persephone (“Seph”), King and Queen of the Underworld. Though initially reluctant to have a child, Hades conceded at Seph’s insistence, and Maci was born in the fall, about a century after they had first been married. Arrangements were made with Demeter to allow a temporary exception to the Pomegranate Agreement that dictated Seph’s seasonal location, permitting her to remain with baby Maci and Hades in the Underworld until Maci’s 5th birthday. For 5 years, the three of them were a close-knit family, and the little Princess was showered with unbridled love and attention from her parents and their subjects. She was a hyperactive and bubbly toddler fast accustomed to having everything she ever wanted, with everyone wrapped around her fingers all the time.

When Maci was 5 and this arrangement ended, she began to travel with her mother each spring-summer season to stay with her and Demeter during the traditional six-month span. Persephone and Demeter’s springtime cottage was very different than what Maci was used to – for one thing, each of the nymphs, led by the obnoxious crusade of Demeter herself, tried their hardest to convert Maci into the Olympian light. Already upset at having to leave her regular life and her father behind, Maci did not take kindly to this. This first spring-summer was a six-month battle between a loud and moody 5-year-old Underworld Princess and her intensely condescending Olympian-bred grandmother.

For the next five years, Maci continued to travel with her mother seasonally, and each season was spent in increasing hostility: Demeter’s typical nonsense coming up against Maci’s short-tempered predisposition. Armed with the rage of a spoiled princess and actual literal pyrokinetic superpowers, Maci reacted to her grandmother’s mistreatment and judgment of the Olympians around her by acting out a reign of terror: picking fights, fighting back, and setting things on fire. Meanwhile, autumn-winter back home was enjoyed as a life of luxury, doted upon by her reunited parents, and spending time with her closest and only friends, twins Hypnos and Thanatos. When Maci was 10 years old, Seph petitioned Demeter to allow Maci to make an active decision on whether she would prefer to continue traveling seasonally or stay fulltime in the Underworld. By then, Demeter had long since given up on ever taking her in as an Olympian, and was beyond relieved to be rid of the little brat when Maci obviously chose to remain home where her perfect Princess life and friends were.

Adolescence, ages 10 to 17

By the age of 10, Maci had never actually known her father without her mother at his side. The version of Hades who existed when Seph was home in the fall was Maci’s hero; though always stiff in nature, he held a soft spot for his little daughter next to the spot reserved for his wife. Hades had also, of course, never been responsible for taking care of Maci without Seph there with him. It was easy to bounce Maci’s high-maintenance hyperactivity against Persephone, who was usually mellow, cool, and unshakeable. The disposition of Hades - easily irritable and short-tempered himself - was less equipped to handle Maci’s whims and moods without Seph there.

During the first spring that she spent home, Maci was confused to suddenly discover that the springtime version of her father was shut down completely, and he had not chosen to invite her in. Rather than bonding to cope with the absence of Persephone together, Hades instead decided to ice Maci out, and retracted himself from her both emotionally and in presence. Daily, Maci found herself mostly alone within the halls of their palace, and her interactions with her father were short and cold. Reeling from this abandonment, Maci found comfort in the arms of Hypnos and Thanatos, who by this point had been her best friends for the past four years of her life...

✧*̥˚A brief interlude: Maci & the twins*̥˚✧

Hypnos and Thanatos, inseparable twin sons of Nyx and Erebus, had met Maci when she, age 6, had found them, age 11, bickering in the Fields of Asphodel. She had broken up their fight by physically forcing herself between them and exploding. Immediately fascinated by both (and enamored with Thanatos especially), Maci had clung to them afterwards, and they all had remained friends ever since.

Maci knew them the way everyone did: Hypnos, God of Sleep, a gentle, sweet kid prone to bouts of narcolepsy; and Thanatos, God of Gentle Death, very cool, suave, and charming even with a teenage sneer. But Maci, just like everyone, was oblivious to the truth of the twins’ dynamic: that beneath his carefully charming smile, Thanatos lacked empathy. His only goals were violence and power, and his darkest secrets were stained with blood and ichor even by this young age. Armed with a scythe and relentless cruelty since early in their childhood, Thanatos had already tamed Hypnos to cower behind him in fear, and for these past years while Maci fawned in what she thought was mutual friendship, he envisioned a future in which he could tear her down as well. Thanatos had quickly learned how to blend in by acting perfectly normal, even likeable, and Maci had no way of knowing who her best friend and childhood crush really was on the inside. And so...

✧*̥˚Anyway*̥˚✧

With Hades pulling away during this first year, Maci pushed closer to Thanatos and Hypnos, spending even more time than usual with them at the House of Nyx. Hades grumbled disapproval that Maci would interact even tangentially with Nyx’s ridiculous tangle of offspring – but he allowed her to do as she wished without any real interference, perhaps grateful to have her out of the way. His aloofness frustrated Maci to no end, and even more so when Seph returned that autumn like nothing was wrong. Unwilling to “ruin” the somewhat normalcy that had finally come back with her parents reunited, Maci didn’t mention the past six months.

When her mother left again the next year and Hades withdrew once more, Maci’s frustrations skyrocketed and turned into rage. She quickly realized that Hades noticed her again only when she was acting out, and Thanatos, who had been observing the fracture forming since last spring and sensed an opportunity to make it worse, encouraged Maci to continue picking fights with her father to get the attention she craved. Hades was temperamental to begin with and was growing more irritated with Maci's behavior... personality, and presence, day by day. He fell for the bait she laid each time when she instigated arguments, and by the age of 11, Maci had decided that the best and only way to interact with her father was by provoking him into yelling at her, for otherwise he refused to give her the time of day. Once again, when Persephone returned in the fall, the toxic environment Hades and Maci were constructing together snapped back to the illusion of peace. A silent decision was made to play nicely together in Seph's presence, but still Maci became a little louder, a little cockier, a little meaner, knowing that Hades would never engage while his wife was home. By the time Seph left again and Maci was 12, the situation continued to worsen. Maci made it a point to be as difficult as possible while interacting with her father, and Hades never questioned why, only bickered immaturely back.

In the background of Maci's life by this time, she was heartbroken to discover that Thanatos was formally dating his first girlfriend, a timid goddess called Amechania, “Amey.” Unbeknownst to Maci, their relationship behind the scenes was a nightmare, but Maci was oblivious, and only concerned with how her friendship with Thanatos would be affected. In between causing a ruckus in the palace with Hades, she vented constantly to a beleaguered Hypnos about her jealousy. Hypnos knew about Maci’s crush on Thanatos - he also knew what Thanatos was really like – and as well, he suspected that Thanatos and Amey’s relationship was not as perfect as it seemed. But Hypnos was a victim of Thanatos’ abuse behind his own scenes and was terrified to intervene beyond trying to gently nudge Maci away from him, a hint that she refused to pick up on. When Amey suddenly disappeared within the next year, Maci (now 13) was only relieved that perhaps Thanatos would notice her.

Thanatos, by now 18, was in fact noticing her, just not in the way that she was hoping. He was biding his time until she was older and taking the opportunity in the meantime to continue to groom and manipulate her over her head. Maci and Hades’ relationship continued to worsen. Thanatos and Maci (and Hypnos, third-wheeling in helpless rising horror, usually quietly nursing hidden scythe-wounds) spent more time together as Maci began to avoid being near Hades in the palace. Thanatos agreed wholeheartedly when she stressed that her parents did not care about her, and encouraged her to keep rebelling against them, reminding her that at the end of the day, her real family was found right here – in him, her best friend. While Maci was 13, Thanatos introduced her to his second girlfriend, another shy goddess named Sophrosyne, “Sophie,” who was actually one of Thanatos' own distant sisters from Nyx's endless brood. Maci, jealous of another potential wedge between her and Thanatos, made it a point not to get along with her. Maci was building quite a reputation for herself within the Underworld as a temperamental terror wielding all the power of a royal title, and Sophie mostly avoided her, cowering strangely at Thanatos’ side instead.

Months later, Maci was irritated to be privately pulled aside by Sophie. She was babbling insanity, something weird about being in danger, and Maci being in danger – nonsense about how Thanatos was not what he seemed, and that both of them needed to get away before it was too late. But Thanatos only seemed confused when Maci told him what Sophie had said, and she was smugly delighted when Thanatos agreed that his relationship with Sophie had probably run its course.

Maci never saw her again. He was dating another girl by the next year, Hesychia, “Hess,” the mute Goddess of Silence, and soon took residence with her in one of the cave constructed homes of Tartarus. Maci resumed anguishing jealously in the background, made all the harder by the fact that she was spending nearly every waking moment with Thanatos and Hypnos (and now Hess, always silent, looking more haunted by the day). Maci, now age 14, could not stand to be in the same room as Hades. The palace shared by just the two of them sat with uncomfortably tense silence, only ever broken by screaming arguments that usually ended in Hades throwing her out of the palace, or Maci storming out of her own accord, either way ending up with the twins in Nyx's house or at Thanatos’ cave.

She would slink back days later and repeat, even moodier from Thanatos’ continued relationship with Hess. The following year, with Maci now 15, Seph came home and for the first time, the simmering tension between her husband and daughter was too great to hide. She was overall disturbed and stunned by this shattered relationship coming out of “nowhere,” though she felt Maci’s outrageous attitude was blatant even to her (and in Seph’s eyes, Hades could do no wrong, despite clearly being in the wrong). Trying to mediate between both sides without picking a side, Seph orchestrated an offering of peace on hers and Hades’ behalf, authorizing construction on a palace of Maci’s own in the subsection of the Underworld that belonged to Maci herself, the Elysian Fields, land of the blessed dead. It had been long proven that giving Maci presents usually kept her satisfied.

The Elysium palace was completed by Maci’s 16th birthday and presented as a gift to her with Hades’ name on it. It stood tall in the depths of Elysium, a natural safe haven due to the magical barrier surrounding Elysium’s outskirts, installed by the Olympians long ago and eternally enchanted to keep out anything evil. But Thanatos (who could not cross the barrier and could not let anyone find this out) pointed out to Maci what a slap in the face this gift was, a clear message that her parents wanted her out of their sight. Maci was incensed. She refused to set foot in the palace, lashing out with accusations of the theories Thanatos had placed in her head. Instead of doing anything to reassure her, Hades was instead furious at this most egregious display of disrespect, a last straw among last straws. The fight that followed, and the cruel words that were exchanged, was their worst to date.

By now, something inside Maci was cracking, or it already had. She was living in active hostility with a father who despised her openly when he wasn't pretending she didn't exist, a mother who was somehow choosing to stay neutral between them – this life now was an echo of the turmoil her grandmother had put her through when she was a little kid. Part of her yearned to viciously lean into the perception of her created by her own family, and she did this when she traipsed the kingdom clutching her title of Princess like an obnoxious shield. But there was a part of her inside that was beginning to claw in desperation with a frantic, anxious need to be loved, really loved, and actually seen by someone, anyone. This feeling continued to simmer under her skin. She could not bring herself to enter the Elysium palace even once the dust settled from hers and Hades’ fight, as the thought of its halls suddenly felt too utterly empty for her to bear being alone inside it. Maci began to fear that Hypnos and Thanatos, particularly Thanatos, who she adored more than anyone, would only ever see her as a child tagging after them. When Thanatos and Hess broke up (a relationship longer than his normally were, though she too disappeared after their split) and Maci’s friendship with him only continued the same as ever, her anxieties increased.

She knew she was pretty, and noticed every time she was noticed - she had never dated anyone, but she suspected that the personality she put on within the Underworld was probably what caused most people to recoil from her. But Thanatos knew her like no one else did, and she had always tried to be her most true self around him. If even her true self was unlovable, what then? Hypnos tried to talk sense into her - she was too young, now only just shy of 17 years old, he reminded her, and besides, it was for the best that she stay as far away from Thanatos as possible. Maci only insisted that Thanatos certainly seemed to reciprocate her feelings - and there was no one else that seemed to like her, even platonically. Fueled by anxiety and almost 17 years of emotional betrayal, it dawned on her the circumstances that she felt she'd created for herself. The desperate, frantic feeling inside began to overwhelm her.

TO BE CONTINUED - AND IT ONLY GETS SO MUCH WORSE FROM HERE - part two! • &part three!

questions & comments are appreciated esp if u somehow made it all the way to the bottom 🙃 I’ll post the next part later tonight or tomorrow!!,

[callme6olet]

What makes Arcane great: S1E3

This is it--the big one, the heart-render, the episode that I had to talk through in therapy because Jesus, was I not okay after watching this one for the first time. Season 1, Episode 3: The Base Violence Necessary for Change.

That title, it's a bit of a mouthful, but the episode does what it says on the tin. It shows us where everything went wrong, shows us what it took for the world to fall to pieces. The show could've been made to work without any of the first three episodes--in fact, I'd argue that this would be the conventional preference. It's best to conserve the amount of time and space a story takes up. If you can fit all the events into one day rather than two, do it. The writers could've kept the same narrative and avoided a six- to seven- year time skip. We would've gotten a good picture of who Jinx and Vi are from their re-introductions in episode 4. Hell, you could probably drop someone into that fourth episode with no context and they'd still understand and enjoy the show.

But storytelling is more than a set of rules. The grounding issue at the heart of the show is a discussion of privilege--a mature, empathetic discussion, not a manifesto or a handwave. It is not the story of a battle between two cities, but of the way that societal structures tear people apart and pit us against each other. That can't be accomplished with an unsympathetic villain. More than that, though, to do it well--to make the story stick, to create something that resonates--the show needs an antagonist who isn't a villain. Someone who we genuinely want to succeed, to live up to her potential, but who opposes the heroes. So, recognizing this, the writers gave us Powder and made us watch her go insane.

Here's my highlights from the episode.

Sudden and inevitable escalation

In prose writing, there's a lot of talk about discovery writers and outliners--people who find the story as they go, and people who plan it out beforehand. Film, as a medium, lends itself heavily to the latter style, both because of the intense demand for concision and the higher level of collaboration. Stories that are outlined, pre-plotted, tend to have a very satisfying feel in their structure. There's a moment when pieces come together, when everything starts to add up. Predicting the plot can almost become a minigame, an added dimension of entertainment for the viewer. The difficulty is making the plot both comprehensible and organic. Often, outliners wind up writing stories that merely ratchet up in tension rather than changing and evolving.

In the first two episodes of Arcane, we are introduced to a few plot threads. We see Jayce and Viktor's work topside, Vi and company's struggle with the law, and Silco's plotting. All three are clearly important, clearly escalating, but we don't have a clear expectation for when they'll cross over. It's the perfect setup for a sharp but not immerson-breaking escalation: Grayson and Benzo's death and Vander's kidnapping at the hands of Silco. There's enough set up for this to make sense, and Silco's introductory monologue about betrayal flags his storyline as the one to watch out for in this episode. At the same time, the writers manage to make this scene sharp and surprising by undercutting the audience expectations. While we're aware that the conflict is ramping up, we're also expecting this escalation to continue down the clearest path: Vi or Vander will wind up in jail. The Lanes will riot. But instead of the cops against the Lanes, we get Silco against Vander. The result is that we, the viewers, feel shocked but not betrayed. We got what we were told to expect, but the form it took was not what we had assumed. Nobody expected this.

Surprise is one of the easiest reactions to create in storytelling, but it's one of the hardest to pull off satisfactorily. Smaug showing up in Star Wars would be surprising; it wouldn't make any damn sense, so of course we wouldn't see it coming. Vader redeeming himself by killing the Emperor is satisfactory surprise. There's a thin line between the nonsensical and the merely unexpected, and Arcane skates down that tightrope by perfectly managing audience expectations.

Order from chaos

In the undercity, Silco is creating chaos in the hopes of propelling change in the form of rebellion: the Free Nation of Zaun. Topside, Jayce and Viktor are doing the exact same thing: cranking the hextech crystal to max oscillations in the hopes that it will stabilize. Typically for Arcane, this mirror plot works out well for Piltover and poorly for Zaun. Both groups are playing with powers beyond their comprehension, but those with privilege are rewarded for it while the have-nots die because of that same curiosity.

This suspended flight, hovering in the blue glow, mirrors Powder's fall later. We see the power of the arcane for beauty, and also for evil.

We also see some hints of Viktor's flaws in this plotline. He asks Jayce, "Do you think it was my life's ambition to be an assistant?" He has drive, passion, creativity, and a willingness to do what must be done. There is also a dark side to his ambition, though. Viktor, the outsider in Piltover, will always have something to prove. His worst mistakes will come about as a result of his own lack of privilege--a deficit which he has sorely tried to overcome.

Always ready to brawl

Once the kids (sans Powder) are in Silco's lair, the trap springs. Vi has to fight off Silco's goons while the others break Vander out. Powder, unbeknownst to them, decides that she will help by making a bomb out of the hextech crystals.

This sequence is great in terms of tension and escalation, but the standout to me, the flourish, is how grounded the fighting remains. We get to see Vi in her first real test, and she proves that she's everything she's cracked up to be, knocking out enemies twice her size with a single blow. It's great to see a competent protagonist. It makes us feel like we, the viewers, are adequately represented within the narrative by our surrogate, the hero. We aren't falling prey to stupid tricks. The difficulty is balancing character competence with realism, relatability, and danger. If this fight is too easy for Vi, she starts to look like a Mary Sue. But, no--she takes hits as she deals them out, goes down and has to get back up. And then, when she crosses a shimmered-out Deckard, she realizes she is far out of her league.

Too, Deckard manages to toe the line between villain cliches and verisimilitude. He's happy to gloat over Vi when he knows that he can bring her down, but when she starts to slide the door shut, he panics. He knows he's fucked up.

The same philosophy continues when Vander wades into the fight. We get to see him living up to his reputation. We get to see why he's afraid of his own fists, of his capacity for violence. At the same time, it never gets out of hand. He never becomes unstoppable. Hulked-out Deckard is a worthy opponent for him--and he can still be stabbed in the back. Then, when push comes to shove, Vander's final decision is artfully communicated: kill Silco or save Vi. Silco's escape doesn't feel forced because it wasn't a matter of beams falling or a bridge breaking. It was a matter of choice.

Time to say goodbye

We come to the core of this episode. The hard part. Trauma.

I once had a psychiatrist describe trauma to me as anything you walked away from thinking, 'things will never be the same.' That feeling is what this story so perfectly captures--the feeling of stepping over the line and having it all go wrong, of mistakes you can never go back from. Powder sees her friends in trouble, tries to help by sending in a bomb. It finally works, and when it does, the shrapnel kills Mylo and Claggor outright. The ensuing fight leads to Vander's death.

For me, Powder's story taps into a deep-buried fear: the fear that, by trying to help, I might irrevocably hurt the people closest to me. That I am broken; that my presence is a cancer. I think this is to some extent a universal fear, but it is perhaps most present in some of the circles that both Powder and I fall into: people with mental illnesses, people who have experienced codependence, and (in my case, though perhaps not in Powder's) queer people. We come to believe that we are defective, that there is something about us that is fundamentally wrong, that causes pain. That we are a jinx. Her experience here is like the dire, nightmare version of every neurodivergent's childhood social gaffs: you say or do something you thought was right, and when you act proud of it, people call you a freak. Worse, you realize that they were right, that you did cross a line you hadn't realized was there.

Powder sees the destruction, thinks it's beautiful. Feels pride. But also . . . something else, maybe. There is a vacancy to her expression which, to me, implies a buried fear. A buried understanding.

She even knocked Vi's toy loose. She did good. Right?

Or, Vi's childhood, such as it was--her remaining innocence--is lost now, thrown from the place where she so fearfully stowed it.

Powder finds Vi. Realizes what she did. Vi hits her, leaves her, and now Powder has to deal with the worst trauma of her life in the one way she's never learned: alone. So, when Silco volunteers sympathy, she latches onto him.

Vi, too, has her worst fear realized. After the explosion, she sees that Mylo and Claggor are not getting up. She can barely hold it together. Then, she sees a worse sight.

She knows where that monkey head came from. Knows that somehow, Powder is here, too. That her sister might have died while she, Vi, was powerless to protect her.

She has lost everything. Everyone.

It's worth noting, too, Vi's eyes in this shot--one blue, one grey. The show tends to use eye color to indicate characters' dualities. Powder, for example, has grey eyes, while Jinx has blue eyes (and, in her worst moments, purple eyes). My interpretation is that in Vi's case, it's a matter of expression and repression. When her eyes are blue, she is emotive, passionate, fully present. When her eyes are grey, she is buried beneath pain. I read this frame as a conflict, a tipping point: she is torn between the hope that Powder survived, that it might all still be okay, and the knowledge that every other member of her family is dead or dying.

Vi has built her relationship with Powder under the pretense that she is selfless, but in reality, she has only saddled her sister with all her hopes and expectations. As long as Powder is alive, Vi thinks, there is something in the world worth living for. There's a chance for things to get better. She hangs these hopes around Powder's neck in the same way she leaves her stuffed rabbit caught in the power lines. She claims that other people did it, that they stole from her, and she's right; but she also claims that she can't get it back, and that is wrong. Truth is, it's easier to keep those hopes close but out of reach than it is to chase them and embrace the possibility of failure. Vi refuses to live for herself because it's easier to offload that weight onto her sister. If she hadn't, then Powder might not have felt the need to prove herself, to live up to those hopes. She might not have made the bomb.

It all comes to a head when Vi realizes that Powder was the one behind this. She is torn between rage and love, the fury of loss and her endless sympathy for her sister, the one person on whom she hung all her hopes.

Vi's heterochromia persists through Vander's death, even--to my eye--through the moment when she first hears Powder's voice. But then, she puts two and two together. Asks, "You did this?" Both eyes go grey.

And then she hits Powder. Says, "I told you to stay away!"

It's an impossible moment. Vi has just done the one thing that she would never do--she's hurt her sister. She has been pushed to the point of breaking her prime directive, of proving to herself that she, fundamentally, is not the person she thought. We are shocked by Vi; we're angry that she did this, that she hit an eleven-year-old girl. At the same time, we don't hate her for it. In shattering her self image, Vi is doing irredeemable harm. It is an evil act. The yang in that yin, though, is the proof that she is not, in fact, defined by her sister. We recognize here that Vi is, for the first time since we've seen her, living for herself. If she had forgiven Powder immediately, hugged her and told her everything would be okay, it would've meant the death of Vi's own identity and volition. Vi should not have hurt her sister, but seeing the hurt that was done to her, as well as her genuine regret, I am able to forgive her.

Her eyes are blue. She is feeling everything. She realizes what she's done, what she still wants to do, and does the one thing she can to keep Powder safe: she leaves. Only for a second, she thinks--and then, her nightmare plays out, too. Vi is the other side of the codependent coin, is afraid of leaving Powder alone because something terrible might happen, because Powder needs her. And when she leaves, Marcus captures her. She cannot be the person she swore she was: her sister's protector.

Why it sticks.

The core of this show, of this episode, is Vi and Powder's codependence. And yet, I hold firmly that Vi and Powder are both blameless for their unhealthy relationship. They should, in fact, be lauded for it. They did not have the time, space, resources, wisdom, or support to deal with the violent death of their parents or the circumstances of their birth. They had an option between an unhealthy relationship based in love and a bitter, estranged relationship based in fear, and they chose the former. That's the correct decision. Every time. The reason we love both these characters is that they made that choice in the hardest moment of their lives. They are flawed, but in their hearts, both Vi and Powder are willing to choose love over fear.

[reinersbb]

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐓 [𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐊𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫] Chapter Six- Purple

                                                     ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.                                                ᴺᵒʷ ᵖˡᵃʸᶦⁿᵍ; [ 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 ]                                             0:21—◦———— -2:38

The lead from your mechanical pencil left dull scribbles of different examples of French sentences utilizing past participles on your sheet of notebook paper. Your right earbud hummed lightly a tune from Brent Faiyaz in your ear as you worked diligently on your French coursework.

Thursday was the fourth day of November. Midterms had thankfully come to an end, and even though you had managed to pass all of your tests with flying colors, it didn't mean that you hadn't endured any stress during such a treacherous week. You were left feeling burnt out from all of the studying and stress that came with the previous week, sure, the weekend had been an upside for you, but now you were back into your same routine of studying and working hard towards when your next set of tests would be.

Due diligence. You wanted to be on top of everything, especially your grades. University was hard, and you couldn't afford to fail.

So, that's why you were currently sitting in a small cafe just outside of the campus grounds after your last class of the day, trying to stay ahead of the game by tackling your French work. There was a slight sigh of relief from you, feeling at ease for swapping German for French. Not that learning another language was easy, but for you at least, French came to you more naturally.

An old wooden wheelbarrow painted white that was filled and stacked with a variety of pumpkins was the cafe's attempt at decorating for the fall season. Some spheres were bright orange, while others were dull in color, and some were also speckled with bumps and lumpy all over. The wooden vessel was parked stationary right outside the cafe's large glass doors. Every few minutes you would take a moment to give your eyes a rest from your work to glance out of the tall windows and take in the scenery, watching the crisp orange, yellow, and red leaves sweep the cobblestone pathway outside. The pigmented colors of autumn were a sure sight to take in, especially since it wouldn't be much longer until autumn was to turn into Winter and then everything would be dull and grey.

Scarlet maple leaves continuously dance in the wind as you forward your attention to your phone so you could change the song as 'Trust' drew near to its' ending cord.

You had been in the cafe alone for almost forty minutes now working on your course material. This time alone to yourself was a must considering as of recent how much you'd been out in a public setting.

Your fingertip draws away from the device screen, 'because I like a boy,' is now playing in your ear.

The light tune bumps in your ear as you go back to work, scribbling down the foreign language onto the paper. It's when a dim shadow from a passerby walking outside of the cafe obscures your line of vision and sweeps your workspace that steals your attention. The lead of your pencil digs into your paper as you halt your writing process. You see that it is a couple passing by, hand in hand while heading for the entrance of the cafe.

The bright chime from the bell hanging just above the glass door mocks you, the sound of the bell seems to slow down in time and the bright tune twists down a cord in a melancholy manner as you observe the couple entering the cafe together.

How you instantly regretted looking up from your work to witness the two love birds.

Roughly fifteen feet away from you stood a slender figure, one hand buried deep into his jacket pocket, his left hand holding onto the woman's right hand as he stared forward gawking at the cafe menu. His red hair was short on the sides and longer on the top. The girl with dark hair that was glued to his side was still laughing at something that he had said previously while walking into the cafe. The couple had no care in the world and was oblivious to you, while you on the other hand were suffering just by existing around their presence.

Of course, your ex-boyfriend, Floch, and attached to him was Mina.

Jean's offer to help forget about Floch for the night being had done justice because the last time you gave Floch any thought was back at the party whenever you saw him together with Mina. The steamy night together with Jean did more than just help you forget about Floch, the night you shared together was really the only thing you've been able to think about as of recently.

So seeing your ex in the same vicinity as you, especially with the girl he most definitely left you for and more than likely cheated on you with, made your mood plummet drastically. Your whole day was now ruined, that's what it felt like at least to you. You had gone such a long time without thinking about him, almost a week-long, and now it felt like you had to start back from square one all over again. The feelings you had for the man were gone, but seeing him with her and the insinuation of what conspired between the two did hurt you.

With your fingertips curling tightly around the mechanical pencil, you ducked your head down, burying yourself in your work in an attempt to make yourself less noticeable. You plucked your other earbud out of its case and swiftly inserted it into your left ear, at the same time you increased the music's volume and went on with your work, hoping to be able to retain anonymity.

"Shit," you mumble to yourself when you notice you have left random pencil markings on your work.

With a huff, you begin erasing the stray markings and wipe the shedding from your eraser off the table out of frustration. The pink fibers fall aimlessly in the air as you stare down at the paper in front of you. A few minutes pass by and you, fortunately, begin to forget that Floch and Mina were even there in the first place. And no, you were not planning to look up and get a quick analysis of the cafe to check and see if the two were still there in the cafe with you.

That is until you notice in your peripheral vision the movement of two chairs being moved at a nearby table. You snatch your eyes up and over to the commotion of chairs being moved, noticing that both Floch and Mina were sitting down at a nearby table. The table the two were sitting at was so close to you that you thought that they'd seen you and decided to fuck with you by purposely sitting near you as some type of cruel joke. Or maybe, just maybe, they were completely and utterly oblivious to your existence by being so self-absorbed in each other's presence.

The position in which the two were sitting at their table made it easy for you to remain unnoticed unless they were to purposely look around, which you were grateful for. Though, you couldn't help but ignore your work and keep watch of them and how the two interacted with one another. You and Floch used to act the same way with each other at one point in time when things were nice and fresh between the two of you at the beginning of your relationship, but those more joyful memories seemed so far and distant now.

The atmosphere around you was now bleak, a bitter taste was left lingering in your mouth, and it wasn't due to the aftertaste of your cinnamon maple latte either. You felt more than uncomfortable being entangled in the same presence as the two, you wanted to crawl out of your own skin, and you would do so if applicable. But, instead of committing to such drastic actions, you decided to make it easy on yourself to pack up and leave.

The porcelain cup which held the remnants of your unfinished caffeinated beverage clanked against a dirty plate at the cafe's dish drop-off that customers would use once finished dining in. You hadn't even had both straps of your backpack completely looped over your arms before you pressed through the exit of the cafe.

Finally being outside of the cafe and standing on the cobblestone walkway strip felt freeing to you, like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders, and that you were no longer being suffocated. The day sky was a shade of dusty pink as the time of day slowly began to change from day to night.

Your fingertips pinch onto your left earbud and you place it back into its case as you began to head your way back towards your dorm, there you would cocoon yourself inside of your comforter for the rest of the night, and maybe even all weekend long. While pushing the earbud pack into the pocket of your sweatpants, you halt in your tracks, pausing your march back to your room as you notice a familiar sweet freckled face exiting a store with a large yet slender white box hugged in his arms.

"McFly!" You say while striding towards the man with dark hair, putting your other earbud away mid-process.

Marco's face lights up brightly and says your name whenever he notices you approaching him, "I was confused for a second whenever you said McFly but then it hit me. But, oh my goodness, hi, how are you? I haven't seen you since the party."

Seeing Marco's happy smile immediately began to cheer you up, he seemed to be such a sweetheart.

You laugh while listening to him, "I had to get your attention somehow, and I am feeling a little crummy right now, but I will be okay. How are you, Marco?"

"Why are you feeling crummy right now?" Marco asks with a slight frown on his face before saying anything else. "I am doing great, thanks for asking. Actually, I am super excited for tonight," Marco suggests to the box he is holding in his arms.

"You do seem really excited, what's tonight?" You ask, forwarding towards the white box, "and it's just relationship things, I just had an encounter with my ex, unfortunately."

"I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling a little down right now. And tonight, a few of the boys from our frat and I are going out to have dinner at a restaurant to have a mini celebration for Armin's birthday that was yesterday, I was picking up a cake for the occasion."

The news was a surprise to you, "yesterday was Armin's birthday? I had no clue."

"Yeah, and as I said, we're just doing a small celebration since there's going to be a huge party next Friday to celebrate both Armin and Porco's birthdays since their birthdays are only like a week apart from one another."

"I am jealous, I love cake," you huffed a joyful response, "also, could you make sure to tell Armin I said happy birthday for me, please?"

"Of course, I can do that for you without a doubt," his chocolate brown eyes are shining at you as he smiles, "what are your plans for the rest of this fine Thursday evening?"

"Oh," your voice drains as you think of what to say. Because explaining to Marco that you were on the way back to your room to hide away in your covers would be way too embarrassing, "nothing much honestly, probably just stay in my room for the rest of the night."

Marco's eyebrows furrow together slightly and it seems like he begins to think of something momentarily. Then, his face lightens up brightly as it seems like an idea struck him out of nowhere.

"Marco?" you ask, wondering what it could be that he thought of.

Marco says your name full of excitement, "you know what? Instead of me telling Armin happy birthday for you, how about you do it yourself by coming out with us tonight, it will be great!"

"I don't know, I wouldn't want to impose since I wasn't invited originally. And besides, didn't you say if was just people from your frat going to be there?"

"Well, I am inviting you now, if anyone has a problem with it then they'll just have to deal with me. Plus, Jean will be there," he cooed the last bit, almost as if he were trying to get a reaction out of you.

Jean. As for pretty much everyone else, Jean was also someone you hadn't seen since the night together in your dorm room. You wanted to see him again, but you never knew how to ask over text, you kept quiet.

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip lightly as you think of a response, "only if you're sure that it'll be okay if I show up, I wouldn't want anyone to be annoyed with my presence."

"Trust me, I promise, and it was just an idea it's not like there are any set rules to it," Marco's voice is encouraging, "asides from dressing semi-formal, Armin's request, of course."

"Okay, fine, it's a done deal," you say but quickly you realize something, "by the way, what time and where exactly?"

Marco happily gives you both the time of the place where the birthday dinner was supposed to be, and where the dinner was planned to be held. With the new information, your trip home to your dorm room is quicker than you'd originally anticipated. And as soon as you got back to your room, you got to work since you only had an hour and a half at most to both be ready and be at the restaurant on time.

The time is almost twenty after six in the evening as you approach a cream-colored stone building that seemed to be three stories tall. The brick of the building was old and seemed to be able to tell a tale of years while the paint was fresh and new. Bright warm light shines through all of the windows which are tall and narrow and boxed in with dark wooden frames. There are three thin trees spaced out evenly just in front of the old building. There are benches lined up parallel to the building, the same as small plant boxes for decoration. A large sign at the very top of the building had the name 'Sina's' in cursive script, the subscript underneath read the words 'dine, lounge, and bar'.

You stare at yourself in the reflection of the front door, raking in your appearance and doubling yourself over to make sure you looked decent enough. It had been a while since you last saw Jean, and for some reason, you wanted to make sure you looked your best for this occasion. Hugging onto your body was a ruched fabric bodycon dress with sheer long sleeves in the shade of rich deep purple. You wore your favorite color of jewelry to match the dress, along with black high heels to go with tonight's look.

You swap your clutch to your other hand as you push through the swing door and into the inside of the restaurant. The open space is tall with high ceilings, there is a grand staircase that leads up to the next floor. Two large waterfall-type fountains are structured into the wall just beside both sides of the staircase. After taking a moment to gawk at the main entryway, there is a man standing at a podium just beside the entrance who was ready to greet you.

"Good evening ma'am, welcome to Sina's, how may I assist you?" the sound of water lapping plays in your ear.

"I am supposed to be having dinner with my friends here tonight at around this time."

"If you head just up those stairs," the employee points towards the staircase, "you will find yourself in the restaurant where you will be seated with your group."

"Okay, thank you so much," you say to the man while also shining a polite smile before heading upstairs.

"By yourself?" The hostess asks while collecting a single menu as soon as he sees you approach.

"No, I'm here with a large group, the reservation should be under the last name Arlert."

"Why of course, the party of nine, right this way," the host places the menu back where he originally grabbed it from, "if you'll just follow me."

You follow the tall lanky individual across the restaurant until you reach a big circular table that already had menus all aligned along with perfectly folded napkins that held gold-plated silverware pocketed inside the folds. You also notice Marco who was currently readjusting the center of the table with the box of birthday cake and a card.

"Thank you," you say while collecting a seat that had you facing the entrance, "where is everyone else, Marco?" You couldn't help but observe that it was just Marco currently present while the rest of the table was vacant.

Marco's voice shines as he greets you, "the time for dinner is supposed to be six-thirty, I wanted us to get here early so you could help me prep some things," he explains.

"That explains why you told me to be here at six twenty instead of a normal time such as six thirty," you laugh lightly, "what do you need my help with?"

Marco chuckles at the first part of your sentence, "I've pretty much got it, honestly I just wanted some company while I got everything ready."

It doesn't even take another minute before he is finished setting up the table completely. In the center of the table was the birthday cake, along with a card that was signed by Marco, and underneath the cake and laying scattered across the tablecloth was large gold metallic confetti.

To avoid feeling exposed by bringing nothing to the table, Marco had done the favor of scribbling your name down onto the card he had brought with him, you made sure to slip some extra cash on the inside.

"It looks great, Marco," you admire his handwork and his attention to detail, "you did a nice job."

"Thank you," Marco sports a radiating smile as he admires his work before he checks his dark brown leather watch to evaluate the time, "we still have a few minutes left to kill before the rest of our group shows up."

"Thanks again for inviting me out tonight, Marco, I didn't want to say this earlier, but if I am being honest, I was planning on going back to my room and staying in bed for the rest of the night if it weren't for you."

"Please, it was all my pleasure, and actually," Marco pauses for a moment as he scans the area before continuing, "I wanted to thank you for something."

"Thank me... what for exactly?" You stare at him with a questioning look painted across your face.

You were more than curious to find out what it was exactly Marco was so thankful for.

"About Jean, you see, Jean has been one of my closest friends for quite some time now and he has been in a dark place for a little while, even though he won't open up and admit to it. Not only that, but the aftermath of him and his ex hasn't been pretty. I will say though, in the past few weeks I've noticed a positive change in him and I can only connect the dots that it might have something to do with you, so whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it please, I haven't seen Jean this happy in a while."

The ex Jean was talking about at the costume party, that ex? Even though Jean had said he wasn't sure if he was in love with her, was there more to the story?

"Me? Are you sure, Marco? I haven't done anything special besides exist," you've done more than just exist in Jean's world, but you were going to spare Marco the explicit details that had occurred between you and Jean.

Marco shrugs, "it's just my suspicion, that's all, he seems a bit brighter around the house and he brings you up quite often believe it or not, also, did you know that Jean is a mama's boy?"

All of the information that Marco was throwing at you was a lot to process, and your brain was only processing things at half speed, "wait a minute, he talks about me? What, a mama's boy, where'd that even come from?"

"You cannot tell him that I told you any of this, okay? So, back a few weeks ago, he tells me about how this beautiful woman bumped into him while he was on a jog and he felt like a dumbass for not grabbing her number. He felt like all hope was lost until he saw her again at a party the very next day."

A wave of heat flashes over you, toasting your face as you listen to Marco speak about how Jean was talking about you. You couldn't believe what you were hearing, but, at the same time, you couldn't get enough of the tea and wanted Marco to keep spilling the beans.

"After the party that he went to, he was back in my room telling me how he managed to kiss her at that party and how he ran into her again and invited her to a Halloween party," Marco continues.

"Okay, so maybe that is me he was talking about, all of that stuff did happen between us," and more than just that too.

"And about him being a mama's boy, I just think it's because he misses home or something."

Just as you open your mouth to say another word, your response is cut short when you notice a large group begins to walk toward the table where you and Marco were seated at. You immediately notice the birthday boy himself before anyone else due to such radiant glow that engulfed him.

Shortly after, you notice the tall man with ash-colored hair walking just behind the vast group talking with who seemed to be Niccolo. From what you can see, you cannot help but notice a small unrecognizable frown pulling at his lips as he walks towards the table behind everyone.

"No way," Eren spouts a look of surprise whenever he notices you and shouts your name to gather your attention, "what're you doing here?"

Eren saying your name causes Jean's attention to rip away from the conversation he was having with Niccolo. Jean's eyes are glued to you as you stand from your chair to greet everyone. You had your arms open to Armin to wish him a hello and a happy birthday, but instead of the blond wrapping his arms around you, Eren made sure to swoop in and get to you first. Eren's gesture is genuine, this you could tell to be truthful compared to other times you'd seen him, especially whenever he wasn't sober.

Eren's presence is inviting enough, but, there's something off about the embrace that has you almost instantly rejecting his closeness internally. It's as if something felt off to you, or the encounter just outright felt unnatural. Jean's eyes narrow down on you and Eren as he watches the encounter from afar.

"Hello, Eren," you say as the tall brunette releases you from his grasp, "why, don't you clean up nice," there was a subtle hint of surprise laced in your voice as you viewed Eren's well-groomed appearance.

You couldn't help but poke fun at the boy with shining emerald-colored eyes. For once his hair was neatly tied back without any flyaways hanging loosely, nor did his breath reek of cheap booze and his vape pen.

"Special occasion," Eren says to you with a toothy grin and a light pat on your shoulder before he chooses a seat at the table.

"Armin," you finally greet the birthday boy with a light embrace, whenever you two separate is when you continue to speak, "I'm so sorry I didn't realize it was your birthday yesterday, I had no idea or I would've said something sooner, but, happy birthday nonetheless!"

"Thank you so much, and no, It's okay, I don't go around spouting to people that it's my birthday, so it's understandable that you weren't aware, I'm glad that you are here actually, it's a nice surprise."

Jean is the last person you greet out of the entire group. His saunter has a certain beat to it as he strides over to you. He stands front and center to you, standing tall as he towers adjacent to you. You weren't sure why but you were full of nerves being within his vicinity, even though there was no real reason to be nervous especially after sharing more than one explicit evening together.

"Jean, hello," your senses are swamped with the familiarity of Jean's rich sheer cashmere cologne as his long arms pull you to him.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Jean's hand is caressing the small of your back as he has you sink into his embrace, "I'm happy to see you."

Feeling the warmth of his body press against yours made you want to melt into him as his presence engulfed you. Feeling weak at the knees by his touch alone left you feeling helpless. But before you were left in a sea of hopelessness, the intimate encounter between you two ended faster than you would've preferred.

Your skin was left buzzing in all of the places where Jean had just touched you, your skin felt aflame as if his touch had set you on fire. You wondered if Jean was currently feeling the same way as you.

As the two of you reluctantly pull away from one another, you drink the tall figure in as he stands before you. Jean's ash-colored hair is combed back at the sides, though strands still manage to fall and drape over his forehead and over his hazel eyes. Jean wore a dark grey overcoat with a deep maroon turtleneck tucked into black slacks underneath. His eyebrows are relaxed as you finally draw your attention back to his face, you catch his pale eyes drinking you in as you had been doing the same to him.

Jean laughs slightly whenever the two of you make eye contact, noticing that you caught him eyeing you, "you're wearing purple, the dress looks great on you."

"That I am, and thank you, Jean," you bat an eye playfully, knowing the reason why you picked this dress was from recalling that purple was Jean's favorite color.

Jean helps you take your seat by pulling out your chair for you, and whenever you're seated he helps you push the seat forward to the table. Jean follows suit by taking the seat to your right before the spot is taken since Marco had already taken the seat to your left.

Sitting beside Jean felt comfortable, natural, even.

Jean tilts his chair back, leaning back in the chair to gain eyesight on Marco. The two begin to have a conversation oh hello's and how are you's to catch up with one another behind your back as you pluck the menu from off of the table and your eyes begin to wander across the options.

Just as you were becoming well acquainted with the menu, you hear Eren speak out from across the table.

"There she is," Eren announces as his eyes are pinned to the entrance, "I thought you weren't going to make it."

You turn in your seat to watch as a woman who was wearing a red satin dress breeze through the circular dinner tables toward your group. You had only seen her once or twice before, each time was from both parties you had attended recently. The name that belonged to the woman was on the tip of your tongue, but, unfortunately, your memory was currently failing you.

"Hey, Mikasa, I didn't think you were showing up with us tonight," Armin chimes brightly at the woman with short dark hair.

"Happy birthday again, Armin," she crouches beside the blond and places a small gift box in front of the man, "Annie sends her birthday wishes," Mikasa's lips draw into a small pucker as she kisses the birthday boy by the ear.

Armin's milky white face floods to a scarlet hue after listening to Mikasa's response, "thank you, Mikasa," his bright blue orbs comb over the small gift as the corners of his mouth pinch to a smile.

Eren nudges Armin with a sheepish elbow press to the upper arm to gather the blond's attention. Armin is pulled from his bashful trance to glance at Eren, at the same time Eren mouths something to Armin, the only bit of information you could collect from Eren's lips was the word 'Annie'.

"I had trouble finding parking for this place, or I would've been here sooner," Mikasa apologizes as she finds a seat to the left of Eren.

"I think we all had trouble finding a place to park for this place," Jean jumps in on the conversation.

You look at Jean after he speaks and begin to analyze how his eyes happen to linger on the woman in the red dress. Watching his pale eyes stay fastened onto Mikasa as the conversation flows around the table causes your stomach to involuntarily twist and bend while an undisclosed feeling begins brewing deep within you. While watching the two and slowly piecing bits and clues together, mainly how Jean's eyes were pinned to her and how he would smile when speaking, but the corners of his mouth would form into a frown each time Mikasa looked away from Jean's vicinity. Realization hits you which helps you finally connect the pieces together and see the bigger picture, or, the reality of the situation.

Mikasa was Jean's mysterious ex.

To you, everything began to make so much more sense. And you couldn't help but belittle yourself for not figuring it out sooner.

Remembering back to the Halloween party when you and Jean sat in the locked room completing the dare that Sasha commanded you two to execute, and how Jean began talking about his past with his ex. How Jean explained to you on the couch that his ex was there at the party, you remember Mikasa being there that night at the Halloween party, along with the other party previous to the costume party as well.

You try to shake the feeling away of what felt like some form of jealousy or bitterness by shifting in your seat, fixing your posture, and focusing your attention face forward so that way your eyes land on Armin before your line of sight falls to the script printed on the restaurant's menu. Your eyes continuously rake over the dinner entrees without processing any of the words while reminding yourself of how Jean reassured you that same night that he was completely over his ex and past relationship. Jean was more than genuine when he opened up to you about such a delicate topic, this you had thought at least.

Biting the bullet, you push your feelings aside because you knew that it made no sense to feel this type of way, it was childish. Jean was no one in particular to you aside from someone you had been having casual hookups with, there had been no feelings involved. Jean wasn't your man, he had been there to help you forget about Floch, so Jean's personal affairs shouldn't be a hindrance to you, let alone be any of your business or concern. You told yourself that to be true, but even you didn't believe in yourself.

Glasses of champagne had been poured as refreshments and topped off for refills as the dinner commenced. Light classical tones of a live musician playing a tune of Erik Satie on a grand piano from another section of the building trickled into the dining area.

The pad of your index finger taps on the glass of your champagne to the melody while you hold the drink in your hand as you glance around the restaurant while others laugh cheerfully across the table. You had been relatively quiet the whole evening, aside from quick responses and dry laughs whenever you were talked to directly, but when it came to initiating conversation you remained silent.

Your line of sight casts over toward the right side of the table, lips against the rim of your glass as you intake the rest of your champagne while glancing at Jean. As if Jean can sense your eyes on him, he turns his head to the left, his eyes glancing off into the distance before his eyes snatch to you, instinctively finding yours and holding eye contact with you. There is a catch in your throat as you exhale deeply. Throughout the evening, your eyes caught onto Jean's more than a handful of times whenever you'd glance around to see Jean looking at you. And each time, your heart would swell with a dull pressure.

"Would you like more champagne?" Jean leans towards you so he could be heard by you from over the volume of the table, referring to the bottle of champagne that had been left in a bucket of ice for the group.

"No, thank you, Jean," you place the tall glass down beside your half-eaten plate of pasta, "I am going to go freshen up before they start digging into dessert," you say while taking the napkin you had laid in your lap on top of the table as you push your seat back and stand to your feet. "I will be right back," you announce to the table.

The palms of your hands run along the fabric of your dress to adjust your appearance. You press your weight against your chair to slide it back under the table before deciding to wander off to find the restroom. Just as you make an exit out of the dining area, you glance over your left shoulder only to notice Jean watching you make your exit.

You needed a moment alone to gather yourself. Not that you didn't enjoy the others who were around you, but, you wanted to get ahold of your thoughts and feelings and gain control of your emotional stability to prevent a shadow of gloom from casting over the others. The thought of being jealous was absurd, there was no reason to be jealous over something so simple as Jean eyeballing his assumed ex, yet, you couldn't shake the bitter feeling that had been lingering deep in a pit inside of you.

Frosted cranberry-scented soap bubbles were frothy against your palms as you scrubbed your hands under the warm sink water, letting out internal frustration. You were at a crossroads with yourself by both your mind and body going against each other. Logically, you knew that there was no reason to feel so bitter, but your body wasn't listening to your own sound reasoning.

The paper towel was ripped with one swift motion from the dispenser before you began to pat your hands dry. You crumple the paper towel into a tight ball before tossing the used paper into the waste bin. Just before you decide on leaving the restroom, you touch up both your hair and makeup before venturing off back to the table.

As you were walking back to join the group, your attention is drawn towards a set of tall French doors with glass windows that lead out to the outside. You can see from inside that it is a dimly lit outside patio with the option of dining outside. Without thinking, or without any reason, you are drawn to the exit doors and make your quiet approach to the cold autumn nighttime.

**Listen to 'My Luv' by RINI and Bibi Bourelly now to get the full feels of this scene**

You stand just before the railing of the restaurant's patio, staring out into the shining night sky of the city lights. Luckily enough for you, no one else was to be seen outside due to the chilling temperature the nighttime brought about. Sheer white vapor exhales from your parted lips as you take the bustling scenery in. You clasp your palms around your upper arms and rub your skin hoping the friction warms you up as you stand alone outside.

It was times like this you enjoyed, times that brought to you a sense of clarity and peace.

You can hear the door from the restaurant open and close, and you retain your own bubble and ignore the other restaurantgoers while you stay pinned in your own little world. That is until you feel a warm and heavy material blanket your shoulders as Jean's voice softly speaks your name into presence in the night's atmosphere.

You're pulled from your own headspace to turn and look at Jean who was standing behind you, and you notice that he too was staring out at the city lights.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself, is there something bothering you?" Jean's eyes are staring out at the city lights before he turns to look at you.

"Jean," your lips buzz as you gather something to tell him, "nothing is bothering me, I just wanted some fresh air is all," you lie.

The old Eddison bulbs hanging in fixed arrays shine warm light which cascades over both you and Jean. Though there is scarce lighting, Jean is illuminated by the warm light, and the warm light dusts over Jean which makes his skin glow.

"Is that so?" His eyes lead back out to the city lights as he turns his head, his face dips downward as he hangs his head in between his arms that he has perched on the railing.

Jean is quiet for a moment, the silence envelopes you two, but the silence isn't uncomfortable. Without any premeditation, Jean lifts his head, eyes still drawing out to the distance. You cut your attention away from watching his facial features and go back to gazing out at the moving city as well.

Your fingertips pinch at the sides of Jean's heavy coat that he draped over your shoulders just a few moments ago, closing the fabric over yourself to give yourself some warmth. Without looking, Jean leans to the left which allows his arm to press against yours, his body heat radiating off onto you. His presence warms you up even though you were only parallel to each other.

"I don't know," Jean states while messing with his hands, "I feel like there's something bothering you, did I do anything to upset you? Did something happen with your ex again? I'm here to listen to you if you have anything to say."

You weren't sure if it were scary or impressive how well Jean could read you like a book.

Yes and yes.

"You didn't do anything to upset me, Jean," another lie from you, "and yes, kinda sorta, I saw him earlier today with the same girl and I've been in a weird mood ever since then. It's so odd because I don't even care about him anymore, but I guess realizing that I was probably cheated on with that girl is what irks me."

Jean's jacket acts as your cocoon as you try to shield yourself away from the rest of the world as you pour your heart out. Though Jean was looking face forward out at the city, it didn't mean he wasn't paying attention any less.

Jean's chest drops as he exhales as if he had come to a mental agreement about something before taking a step back away from the patio railing. Turning on your right foot, you watch as Jean takes another step forward, but this time he approaches you directly. Jean places his hands on the railing at either side of you, you fluidly step back into place, your rear end pressing into the cold safety fence behind you. You were now enclosed in Jean's presence as his long strong arms trapped you in place. You could drown in Jean's familiar cologne due to how close he was to you.

His head is bent so that way his eyes were all on you, only on you. The sides of his face were illuminated and glowing from the warm Eddison bulbs, but a shadow was cast over the depths of his face. Even though a majority of his face was blanketed with darkness, his amber eyes still radiated with brightness as he was holding eye contact with you.

You could feel your rampant heartbeat vibrate your entire body as you stood pressed against the safety rail. You felt like your entire world was closing in whenever Jean says your name for another time in a hushed tone.

"I know that my original offer was for the other night back at the Halloween party, but, I'd like to clarify some more," Jean's chest rises and falls as if he was gathering the courage to speak. "I would be more than willing to help you forget about him and what he did to you, whenever you need it," Jean dips his head down closer to you, waiting to hear your response, "I don't mind."

'Whenever you need it' repeats over and over again in your head.

"Jean," you peer up at him through your eyelashes as his face lingers dangerously close to yours.

There are no other words said or shared between you two as Jean's lips hover just above yours, you couldn't even begin to fathom a reply as you were more focused on how it would feel for your lips to connect with Jean's. You feel his warm exhales of anticipation fan your skin, sending a cool shiver up your spine. Instead of the bitter feeling you'd been feeling all night, now there was a new feeling erupting in your core, you couldn't place the emotion, all you knew is that your body yearned to be touched by Jean- no, craved.

A jolt of electricity shoots through your body and all of your extremities whenever Jean's lips finally press against yours. Your feet felt embedded in the ground, like you could never be moved and that nothing could come in your way with Jean, yet at the same time you felt lighter than air and that a simple wind could brush past you and knock you over.

As you stand lip-locked with Jean on the restaurant's dimly lit patio, you feel his body heat axis ring against you. Jean's hands grip the railing as the kiss deepens and is filled with more passion. Your nose is swamped with his sweet whiskey scent as Jean's presence engulfs you.

Jean's knuckles burn white as his fingers crease the metal pole, wanting to do nothing more than grab ahold of you, but he held himself back. Jean's pelvis presses into you as he drinks you in, slow yet deep kisses you two share. His tongue grazes against your lower lip and you immediately allow him entrance. Jean's tongue brushes over yours in a smooth motion and swirls back around. You two play this battle for a moment, but it is clear to you that Jean is much more powerful than you, much more dominant, you knew you couldn't win but it was more than pleasurable trying.

A sweet moan forms in the back of your throat and is muffled by Jean's mouth. Jean would more than happily take you right then and there if applicable, but both you and Jean knew better to commit such a scandalous act at a time and place like this. Instead, Jean stood before you, pressing into you gingerly as you reach your hands up to the back of his neck to have him deepen the kiss and form more into you. Naturally, your hand runs through his lengthy hair, grabbing onto the man and refusing to never let him go. Your muffled moans seep through the corners of your mouth as you and Jean would bob your heads in a synchronized rhythm together. Every time Jean would hear you moan would result in the corners of his lips perking up into a grin. How he loved hearing you make sounds of pleasure from his doing.

Unable to take much more, Jean caves in as his fingers release the railing and his hands push through the opening of his coat that you worse and slip onto your body. His hands instantly rake your body over, feeling along all of your dips and curves through the tight fabric of your dress. Naturally, Jean pulls you in close to him, his hips now pressing into you as the passionate kiss continues without any pauses or hiccups. The two of you share a groove together that is seamless and natural.

Though the two of you could've kept going with your passionate make-out session, Jean reluctantly pulls his lips away from yours. As soon as his lips are peeled away from yours, you heave in deep shaky breaths of hot air. Jean dips his head to you once again, his forehead pressing against yours as he too takes a moment to catch his breath.

"I have missed seeing you around," Jean's voice is patchy with the intake and exhale of shallow breaths as he says your name.

Hearing Jean say this makes your insides swell with splendor. The corners of your mouth poke upward into a bashful grin as you peer down, reliving the information Jean had just revealed to you.

"Really? Why's that, Jean," you were curious to know, but, mainly you wanted to hear what Jean had to say.

Jean's chest vibrates as he chuckles breathlessly, "are you seriously going to make me say it? Fine, if I'm being honest with you, I enjoy your presence, that's why I've missed seeing you around."

Truth be told, you had missed Jean entirely way too much. Much more than you would've thought or expected, but you weren't going to tell him that.

His bright hazel eyes are darkened as you tilt your chin up, locking eye contact with him. All humorous tones had cleared from his voice. Jean's eyebrows are slightly pinched together as he stares down at you, his right hand reaching for your face as he continues holding eye contact. You fell into a trance staring at the man, feeling the warmth his hand brought to your cheek as the pad of his thumb strokes smoothly against your skin. Jean hadn't given you any time to speak, let any time to form a thought and think on what he had said.

Jean's fingertips lightly press into your face as he maneuvers your head back, chin tilting back as he places one last soft kiss on your lips, "I think it's time we head back in before they come searching for us."

You nod your head in a brief motion, watching Jean as he retracts his hand away from your face to brush his long fingers through his hair. Jean is close beside you as he leads the way back to the glass window pane door. You made sure to shrug off Jean's coat and return it back to him just before entering the inside of the restaurant.

Just as you were passing through the threshold of the door, a thought occurs to you, "so, were you looking for me?"

Amber eyes glance down at you then back straightforwardly, "I was worried about you, and I had this feeling that something was bothering you throughout the evening, so I came looking for you to make sure that everything was alright."

"Thank you for checking up on me," a content smile is plastered on your face.

The thought of Jean's ex would have to be tucked and buried away into the deepest parts of your brain, at least for now, at least for the rest of the night. With the thought of Jean's ex out of the picture, you could enjoy the rest of the time you had together with Jean before dinner was over.

They always say that ignorance is bliss.

That's exactly what you were going to do. There was no need to dwell over something that you couldn't control. Controlling who Jean's ex was was way out of your power, the only thing you could try to do at least was not let the fact bother you so much. Not that there was a real reason to care anyway, Jean wasn't your boyfriend, his loyalties didn't lie to you, and neither did yours to him. Besides, being wound up in a new relationship after recently being broken up with would've been too soon. To you, hooking up to forget about Floch was currently the best option, you got what you wanted without any ties, without any commitment. And it seemed that Jean had no issue with hooking up either.

The group at the dinner table was steadfast in talking to one another, it almost seemed like no one even noticed or recalled you stepping away in the first place, let alone Jean as well. Whenever both you and Jean approached the table, a few eyes glanced at you and smiles followed suit as you were welcomed back to the table.

"Welcome back, while you were gone we sang happy birthday as dessert was served and I was about to open my gifts that everyone brought," Armin informs you.

Jean pulls your seat out for you from under the table, and you rightfully take your seat back with everyone else. Jean helps push you back into place before he takes his seat right beside you.

"Let's see it, shall we?" Jean says, his chin resting on the palm of his right hand as he has his arm propped up on the table, his expression seems flat but his voice is saucy enough.

You catch his hazel eyes glancing over at you after Jean finishes speaking to Armin. The corner of Jean's lips pins into a sly smile after he notices you catch him glancing at you while he corrects his posture and sits up straight in his chair, his chest flaring broadly. Or, rather, he smiles after seeing you had stolen a glance at him just as he did the same to you.

By the time Armin was finished with opening the gifts he had received from everyone you had finished your slice of birthday cake that was provided by Marco, and everyone's tab had already been settled.

Before anyone from the table were to depart again, Eren halts everyone from moving any further as he pulls out his cell phone.

"Sit your asses down, we need to take a couple of group pics with the birthday boy," he announces, staring straight at his phone as his thumb taps on the camera application.

Eren stands to his feet and crouches a bit as he holds his phone up to take a group selfie of the table. Everyone around the table gets ready and into position, you take a second to readjust yourself and get ready for the photo before leaning in and over to the side to be seen by the camera. You feel Jean's left arm snake around your shoulder along with his weight shifting towards you slightly which causes a chill you race up your spine. You take a quick second to glance over your right shoulder to look at him, his eyes are pinned on the cell phone in Eren's hands and there was a bright smile on his face. Quickly, your attention is back forward to the selfie that was about to be taken, your lips are peeled into a cheerful smile as Eren counts down from three.

"Happy birthday, Armin," Eren cheers, snapping a shot of the moment.

Everyone goes back to normal and falls out of poses. You notice Mikasa's eyes are on you and Jean as his arm slips away from around your shoulder. A knot twists in your stomach with an unpleasant feeling even though she is smiling at you. The feeling you try to ignore as you push your chair back away from the table and stand to your feet.

You follow along with everyone outside of the restaurant, Armin leading the group with Eren by his side, and to Armin's left was Mikasa. You fell somewhere in between the mix of everyone, with Jean still right beside you, of course. You were holding casual conversation all the way out of the building until you hear Eren call out your name. Your attention is pulled to the front of the group, noticing Eren had stopped to turn around and look for you.

"Yes?" you continue to make your approach.

"Would you be up to stopping by the frat? We are going to play some games before calling it a night if you'd like to join, we are all heading that way from here."

"Sure, I don't see why not," you pull out your phone to contact your taxi service, "I just need the address for my uber."

Jean's large hand fans for your attention, "don't worry about wasting money and calling an uber, I can drive us back to the house," Jean's hand digs into his pants pocket as he pulls out his set of keys.

[josephinekhawaja]

Axe Woves, Koska Reeves

So happy and excited for these two to be back; and not as the bad guys, whatever the negative feelings right now towards one of the two in particular. If they wanted to establish them as villains for the season, they would have incriminated them right away in aiding Moff Gideon as the previous episode seemed to set up, instead of having them off doing the Nikolai Lantsov thing in space.

At the risk of having to make pilgrimage to the mines of Mandalore, cast out of the covert and all that...is there anybody in the dinbo fam that ships Axe Woves and Koska Reeves? Or at least has in the past, given whatever said feelings at present. I take nothing in this episode personally...I expected for there to be a lot of angst and pain and anger and resentment in the anti-Bo-Katan group. Like the Skrulls in the MCU, another homeless space people. But Din x Bo-Katan and Axe x Koska have been my #1 and #2 Mandalorian OTPs since November 2020; Chapter 11 gave them both to me in one fell swoop. And while I may have to finish re-watching Season 2 to try to articulate some context...honestly, with a lot of my ships, it just kind of washes over me in a moment. Something attuned within towards two individuals that I am suddenly supposed to take note of moving forward as being important to one another in a Particular Way.

And that sort of took over again, in the climactic challenge between Bo-Katan and Axe, when everybody else in the world, and especially in our community, would have just been focussed on Katee Sackhoff kicking ass... My attention kept being divided by the looks of concern Koska would consistently shoot Axe -- and only Axe -- throughout the match. That took me out. I was not even looking for it, but I think they are actually together. (In a way that parallels Din and Bo in a low-key, behind-the-scenes, matter-of-fact togetherness. Maybe it is a Mandalorian thing? For couples to just kind of fall in with one another without drawing too much attention to it, and everybody just naturally rolls with it. Seems fitting for a warrior culture, and would be an interesting insight for our headcanoning.) And the Third Couple of this entire episode dedicated to love. A third couple to parallel dinbo over time -- and literally the only one of the three to now be accompanying them.

The first couple in the episode is actually a Direct Parallel to Axe Woves and Koska Reeves, as Axe and Koska both fucked off and left Bo-Katan thinking only of themselves. They both know they did her dirty, and they both have to make penance for it; and I think the comparative innocence of the Star-Crossed Lovers is supposed to be there nonetheless to recall for them remorse. Axe is the one that directly addresses the female -- literally even his counterpart in her being a captain -- that could be accused of luring her lover away. While Koska is the one that directly addresses the male, who ditched his whole life's responsibility for the open road. (I do not believe you for one second, baby girl -- I think you are honourable, and living for more than some quick credits.) I find it interesting that Koska witnesses the whole darksaber debacle firsthand -- and chooses to follow Axe anyway.

And of course Axe says the line "I know it was for love", which sets the theme for the entire episode, and which he says while Koska is Right There, at his right hand. (If you take a screenshot at the Exact Moment he says those six words, Koska is the one in clear focus in the scene with him...and then remember who directed this episode and how likely the director would be to do something by accident.) Not as a tool in the story just to convey it, but also speaking from personal experience. Even the emotion in his face and everything as he delivers the line -- I am sorry, but you cannot convince me he is a bad person. Even if right now he is an ass like a pre-shipping Paz Viszla. (He is basically the *Other Brother-In-Law* of the growing Kryze-Djarin family, with all its being a nuisance.) This is echoed at the end of the episode when he affirms the closing words "It would" -- the emotion in his voice when he says it, to me betrays that Sense of Remorse in abandoning Bo-Katan, and I would say even carries with it an Awe at her restored position. While Koska accompanies this with complete pride in her face at her big sister. They are no more looking to stab her in the back than you can believe Bo to stab Din.

And I maintain what I said that Bo's regard of the two of them are as Younger Siblings, whose abandonment of her at her failure to regain her birthright cut all the more deeply when we are painfully aware of how she has lost Older Siblings. I in no way believe either of them to be Bo-Katan's ex. And sex is not the only possible human source of beef. I believe Axe to have more a lust for power than a lust for Bo, and that his issue with Din to have been straightforward from the moment they met -- "He's one of them." Literally the first words he ever says. His distrust of his zealotry mixed with a petulance at his big sister's boyfriend being the one instead of him, next in age order, to gain a family heirloom. That is more than enough motivation for a human being to move and more than enough for them to be shit.

But on that note, not only do I believe redemption to already be on its way for these two, with redemption being the main theme of this season, and loving somebody not possible without the ability to forgive them... (I hardly think we as a community can ignore all this perceived animosity going down in literally the same space as meeting Jack Black's Imperial. Everything in this episode is for a reason, and the 4 couples overlap and complement one another in their different experiences. It is not just everything flowing one way to dinbo, but all over the chart.) I have said that Paz Viszla would be the biggest dinbo shipper if ever; these two would be the next biggest shippers, once they redeem themselves to Bo and get it together. All the knee-jerk negative energy the past week made me actually not want to write this damn thing, as thought it would just be antagonistically received. ...which is kind of sad, as seeing that Third Couple in my head gave me such giddy feelings and actually in light of it being PRO-DINBO, which is what we are all here for in the end. So kindly excuse it being Roughly Written, as put off to the last minute; I had hoped it would be more coherent. But just as we have always held in one hand the possibility of Bo betraying Din, as slim as it gets by the week, unless Axe and Koska betray them, I hope I can continue to add more to this series for supporting our Shared Ship. Literally the Two People that were with Bo-Katan when she met her husband and son, and I hope two more people -- not just him and Grogu -- meant when Din will say to Bo in the season finale, "We're here for you."

[mcgnagallsarmy]

Spuffy style Reading Challenge - #21: Dancing with Fantasy and Sci-Fi Reading Challenge

Fantasy - Classic Fantasy

World Enough, and Time by toooldforthis [R]

“You came back wrong,” he told her, all those years ago. He was right, but it took them a very long time to realise exactly what that meant. It meant a hundred more apocalypses, a thousand battles. It meant a journey, a prophecy, a war. They’d lose one other, and find their way back, and choose, again and again. And all the while, the earth was failing. There are a lot more people than you think who are here for the long haul – like, the really long haul. This is a story about two of them.

Fantasy - Zombies

You, Me, and The Zombies by sweetprincipale [Adult Only]

When Buffy hears a drunken and desperate Spike say he’s got a meeting with zombies, it’s her duty as the Slayer to investigate the situation. Not to mention that ever since they started to explore pre-wedded bliss under a spell, Buffy can’t stop fantasizing about how Spike, especially since she’s saddled with a sweet but passionless new beau. When Buffy sneaks into Spike’s crypt to save the day, he’s definitely glad she showed up- and he can’t wait to show Buffy that she’s been on his mind, too.

Fantasy - Dragons

The Fairytale by Dusty [NC-17]

Once upon a time, a hero slayed the dragon. A kiss saved the day.

Fantasy - Fairytale Retelling

Sleeping Beauty by Autumn2005 [PG-13]

When Buffy suffers from a wasting illness, Spike is the only one who can cure her. Post-Chosen.

Fantasy - Ghosts

Wine-Colored by OffYourBird [NC-17]

There are so many shades of red, but Buffy sticks to the one she knows best.

Fantasy - Uncommon Fantasy Creatures

All Bottled Up by honeygirl51885 [NC-17]

If you bottle things up, sooner or later they’re gonna explode.

Fantasy - Shapeshifters

Cuddling With the Darkness by slaymesoftly [R]

What if Dracula cursed Spike and turned him into a bat (at night); what if he asked Buffy to help him? What if Spike, the little, blue-eyed, black bat was adorable?

Fantasy - Gods

Favored of the Gods by Soulburnt [NC-17]

Enraged by Buffy's treatment of Spike in mid-season six, the goddess of love swoops in to offer succor to a vampire who has always loved too much and a lesson to a Slayer who scorned that love.

Fantasy - Animal Companion

When Love Follows You Home by tbd [PG]

This a a fluffy domestic Spuffy story. There isn't much more to it than that. Spike & Buffy get a dog - sorry/not sorry!

Fantasy - Maternal Heritage

Like Daughter Like Mother by violettathepiratequeen [PG]

Spike thought he'd seen the last of the Buffybot, but turns out it has a bizarre feature that not even he was aware of...

Fantasy - Set in Our World

A Matter Of Taste by Twinkles [Adult Only]

A potentially horrifying story of lust, blood and hunger when the world turns inside out. Set shortly before Buffy vs Dracula; Riley left town at the end of S4.

Fantasy - Witches

The Longest Night by tempestt [PG-13]

On the longest night of the year, Buffy learns the importance of forgiveness.

Fantasy - Thief

A Night Without Day by HappyWhenItRains [NC-17]

The girl in question is Buffy, of course. But what would have happened if Spike had blown off Angel's search for the Goran head and gone after Buffy instead? What if their reunion uncovered a corrupted Angel's evil agenda? Upon breaking out of a dungeon, incompetent thief Andrew Wells helps Spike and Buffy, recently reunited and cursed by Angel. Angel's curse prevents the pair from ever being in each other's presence except at twilight, so they enlist Andrew in a dangerous plot to return to LA, overthrow Angel and break his evil enchantment.

Fantasy - Pirates

Something Worth Dying For by violettathepiratequeen [PG-13]

In a swashbucking tale of body-swaps, mermaids, and shark attacks, Spike and Buffy trade their stakes and fangs for pistols and cutlasses, while the rest of the Scoobies discover what really happened to Buffy when she jumped off Glory's tower...

Fantasy - Portal Fantasy

The Truth Will Set You Free by Enigmaticblue [PG-13]

Set in S4, after Something Blue. Giles does that truth spell on Spike after all, but what happens when it gets stuck? The truth is sometimes a very uncomfortable thing.

Fantasy - Warrior

From Here to Eternity by honeygirl51885 [NC-17]

They had lived alone for so long, neither could remember what it was to feel a connection with another person. Maybe they could discover it again with each other.

Sci-Fi - Space Ship

Dysfunctional by violettathepiratequeen [G]

Spike owned a part of her heart, and when he flew away in his stupid bug ship, she felt as if that part of her was going with him.

Sci-Fi - Artificial Intelligence Point of View

Of Bots and Men by bewildered [NC-17]

The Buffybot wasn’t that difficult to fix; Willow had the short rewired that very night, then tucked the Bot away, just in case she was useful. Meanwhile, the Buffybot herself has had to concede that Spike belongs to Buffy—she just wishes she could make Buffy and Spike happy. Buffybot is ready to provide an intervention of her own.

Sci-Fi - Alien

Spacecation by MaggieLaFey [NC-17]

It’s just before s9 and Buffy is feeling as directionless as ever. So when she finally has a day off from her sad job, of course she asks her maybe-ex-probably-friend vampire to take her on a tour of the universe on his spaceship. Going star-sightseeing should be just what she needs to relax, right? Surely nothing big is gonna happen if she takes a day off. And if Spike’s space bugs keep insisting she and him belong together, well. They’re giant bugs, what the hell do they know?

Sci-Fi - Time Travel

A Different Kind of Hell by OffYourBird [NC-17]

Jumping through Glory's tower portal, Buffy and Spike find themselves in a hell dimension they never expected. One that looks suspiciously like 1880's London. Will they find a way back home? Will the truth behind William the Bloody at last make itself known? Will Buffy ever stop butchering the Queen's English? Join them and find out. Starts off at the end of "The Gift."

Sci-Fi - Steampunk

Something Old is New Again by yellowb [R]

Steampunk!  Get your steampunk here! Mystery Challenge fic remains a mystery, even to me — but there shall be balloons, top hats, pirates, and mechanical monsters!

Sci-Fi - Super Powers

Chest Wounds by storm [NC-17]

When Buffy learns that Spike is somehow alive, she is elated… And hurt, and confused. Why didn’t he find her? Why didn’t anyone tell her? Does he still love her? And who is the blue woman?

Sci-Fi - Science/Heavy sci-fi

Dreamer by Gort [NC-17]

Buffy might dream of a normal college life but she got stuck with an annoying vampire instead. Spike’s found the Gem of Amara, but he won’t kill her and has taken to lurking around campus. Things go from bad to worse when they’re both captured by The Initiative and Maggie Walsh takes a special interest. Is Buffy crazy for relying on a vampire to help her put a stop to the professor’s genetic experiments, or is she discovering that normal might be overrated? Begins at Harsh Light of Day before going AU.

Sci-Fi - Replicate/Replica

A Better Man by Sunalso [NC-17]

More than a year post NFA, Buffy is in self-imposed exile. Her only solace is a robot that looks like the vampire who sacrificed himself in a cave under Sunnydale. Spike is unable to stay away, only he's fighting his own inner battles he doesn't want to burden her with. Impersonating a robot for a few days should be easy, right?

Sci-Fi - Space Creatures/Beasts

What Happens in Space by Dusty [NC-17]

Buffy, Spike, and the stars! What could go wrong? What could go right?

Sci-Fi - Teleportation

Christmas Eve by Dusty [NC-17]

Fluffy, sexy fun times on the most magical night of the year!

General - Satire

Pardon My French by Girlytek [R]

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to let Buffy perform a spell in French.

General - Novella/Short story

A Better Way to Go by kats_meow [NC-17]

It's Buffy's twenty-first birthday - you know, the one she was supposed to be conveniently dead for - and some smartass has left a crumpled up poem on her porch.  Is it trash, a wish, or a chance for something better?

General - Finish a Series

Bitten by Holly [NC-17]

He’d told her that she would beg for it.

General - Mental Health

Almost Paradise by Holly [NC-17]

When presented with the opportunity to magically alter the world she lives in, Buffy knows there are a lot of very good reasons why she shouldn't seize it, but figures things can't get worse. She's wrong.

General - Disability

Room Service by Sunalso [NC-17]

S2 AU. Buffy needs Spike's help, Spike needs Buffy's help. My take on the much used trope of Buffy having to get it on with a vampire to save her life. Fluffy, smutty, and it ends up in a happy place. Set sometime before 'I Only Have Eyes For You'.

General - Set in Africa

The Road to Return by Eurydice [R]

Post-Chosen, Xander chooses to go to Africa for a very specific reason...

General - Library

The Space Between by untouchable [PG-13]

Instead of taking Psych 101 with Willow, Buffy decides to take a poetry class.

General - One Word Title

Called by Dusty [PG-13]

A slayer, a vampire and how they called through the years.

General - Under 500 Pages

Melting Fire by Freecat [R]

Set right after Dead Things. The night after, all he wants is talk. The night after, there’s nothing she wants less than talking. And suddenly they find themselves in another dimension; one that Buffy can’t leave. There’s only one way to get her out. A way with consequences.

General - Over 800 Pages

The Darkling by OffYourBird [NC-17]

When Buffy’s quest to get Spike returned to her is fulfilled in an unexpected way, she finds herself in a complicated relationship with an intrigued master vampire who isn’t the man she loves, but who might be someday… if she can convince him to step out of the dark.

General - Set before 1990

Liebestod by Iamblichus [NC-17]

They really should have known the First Evil wasn't done with them after Sunnydale... Enter: Time-travel, mysterious prophesies, and lots of poetry. BtVS Post-Season 7; Angel AU Season 5. All's well that ends well.

[parcferm3]

Like all the youtubers who aren't using AI to write their scripts and are just pumping out regurgitated articles ganked from google, I've had a few hours to process this morning's news and have allowed it to digest past the 'called it' and 'love to see him back, hate to see how it played out' kneejerk reactions, and to be honest, I'm perhaps a bit less WTF than I was at six this morning when I walked into the kitchen and made my partner spit coffee onto the kitchen blind.

So Daniel Ricciardo.

Ricciardo, Daniel.

DRDRDRDRDRhmmmmmm right then.

That was quick. I was definitely in the camp that it would happen over the summer break for a few reasons, not just because of the extremely unsubtle vibes that the Red Bull camp have been throwing out all over their social media, but also because it made sense.

Do I think it's not great that DR's got a drive in an objectively even worse way than he lost his at McLaren seat? Yes. Do I think the way Nyck de Vries has been spoken about publicly by his own team is pretty damn terrible and probably hasn't helped with his confidence? Of course. It was a clear case of buyer's regret that's made everyone look pretty terrible and has probably left poor Nyck de Vries feeling not unlike DR last year.

Do I think it's a good business decision from two not-quite-separate constructors who both exist only as moving billboards, and know a good marketing dynamic when they see it? Uh. Yuh.

Why not Liam Lawson? Well... apart from not having the immediate hype and recognition of DR, I think he's destined for that seat next year. For once, Red Bull isn't going to do what they did with de Vries and almost everybody else (hopefully) and set the guy up to fail. There's a reason he wasn't in the car at the start of the season, they're biding their time until he's ready. Let him finish out the Super Formula season. It makes sense to give him a full pre-season program before putting him in the car, and they've got nothing to lose and potentially a whole lot to gain, by giving the seat to Ricciardo.

Nothing to lose:

Daniel Ricciardo is, if nothing else, a safe bet, and a benchmark for Yuki Tsunoda and for the car itself. Is there a possibility that he tanks? Sure. Maybe the brakes in the AT are even less suited to his driving style than the Mclaren's and all the lockups, prangs, and off-track shenanigans we've seen this year are down to the car more than they are the drivers, however. Even Daniel on a bad day is probably better than Nyck on a good one, and that's not me slating Nyck, that's just experience.

So Alpha Tauri gets an experienced driver who's already on the payroll to compare Yuki against, who at worst won't score points and crash the car on occasion (which is a nett 0 swap) and at best, will score points, demonstrate what the car is capable of, and potentially get them above Alpha Romeo in the constructor's championship by the time the summer break rolls around. Heck, if he does great, maybe even beyond Haas and Williams. The reality is somewhere in between, but at the moment all it would take is for a 6th and a 10th at the Hungaroring for AT to draw level with Alpha Romeo, should AR have another zero points scoring weekend (which is not outside of the realms of possibility, considering AR has only scored in 4/10 of the grands prix actually run this year), and if it's a 6th and an 8th, that pushes them level with Haas and Williams (again, provided neither score points).

A whole lot to gain? Really?

I'm going to say it. I'm gonna. It's coming. Here it comes oh my god what is it what is it?

Sergio Perez is gonna retire at the end of this year.

It's out there. There it is. I said it. Whew.

Why do I think this? IDK folks, it's just the vibes.

Vibes, along with things like Christian Horner's joke about Perez 'making babies' at Silverstone this past weekend, which definitely pushed this theory along a bit. Not necessarily in a 'he's made rumblings about more kids' kind of way (although like, sure, possibly, whatever), but a 'is this a hint that family is on the guy's mind a lot more' kind of way. And Checo himself has said 'as long as I'm enjoying it' which he just... really doesn't seem like he is at the moment.

And the, y'know. It's a loan. Very specific there on your press release, Red Bull.

But then some part of me thinks this was always sort of at least part of the plan right from when DR was announced as third driver in the first place. Nothing set in stone, but paths being laid out and options being put on the table not just for Red Bull as a whole, but also for Perez.

(Sidenote, I actually don't think de Vries was pushed two races out from the summer break, I think he asked to go so he didn't have to endure any more of toll that the RB meat grinder was taking on him. Please set me free, I'll even leave without you paying me out for the rest of the season I just want to get out of here good lord. But that's a whole 'nother story and again, just vibes.)

Every. Single. Interview. With Daniel Ricciardo, he's made it very clear he intends to be in that Red Bull seat next year. I'm not digging through the bin for all the ticket stubs, you've read them already.

Once DR's got a few races under his belt and has (optomistically) proven that he's capable of getting a few points in what we currently assume is the worst car on the grid, they'll give Checo the green light to chuck it in.

The thing about Ricciardo, is he's a known entity. He's been Max's team mate before and understands the dynamic. He wasn't prepared to be number two last time, but this time rather than a young talented upstart coming in to usurp his position in what's already his team, he's coming in with his eyes wide open, a focus on team results rather than individual. He'll know his job is to be the classic wingman a la Barrichello/Bottas/Webber etc etc because it's obvious and it'd be stupid to think otherwise, because Max really is just that good.

And as much as I root for Yuki, I just don't see him in that second seat right now. They want a solid, steady, reliable presence, who won't collapse under the pressure of being Max Verstappen's teammate, and at the moment, the best person for that job is probably Daniel Ricciardo.

[margonite-seer]

More Nathan lore please. Give us the breacrumbs, the cake, five, six, SEVEN loaves of bread, the whole platter of pastries. Just lots of words about the pretty boy.

Oh my. You shouldn't have asked that. I have pages and pages about him. His complete biography is in progress and if you are interested in something here, I will tell you more! However, I can summarize the lore I have about him, in chronological order:

He doesn’t know his real birth name, origins, his age, parents, nothing. But he knows he was born sometime between 1304 AE and 1307 AE.

The only thing he has from his pre-orphanage life is a set of three floating stones a sylvari gave him to play with after he found him as a toddler alone on the street and then brought him to the orphanage. Nathan still wears those stones on his forehead as a token of focus (Glacial Eye helmet skin in-game).

In the orphanage, he was forced to learn physical fighting and fire magic because the priests thought he had been blessed by Balthazar due to how large and tall he was for his age, but he loved air and water magic way more.

When he ran away from the orphanage in his puberty, he lived on the streets and later got money and warm meals from prostitution. But that also helped him get a respectable spot in an influential mafia underworld family in Divinity’s Reach.

Once, a robbery of a perverted nobleman went wrong and Nathan killed both him and a few guards but got a nasty eye wound. It took so long to heal he got a nickname “Dark-Eyed Nate.”

This is supposed to be him at around 16-18 years old but imagine a younger face of course.

After years of climbing the underworld ladder, he messed up and knew other gangsters would come execute him. He prayed to Dwayna and promised her if he gets out of this alive, he would spend the rest of his life fighting and healing in her name. He survived and turned his life 180 degrees, becoming a priest of Dwayna. Healer water-air Elementalist, to be exact.

He came to help in Spirit Vale (raid wing 1) and directly joined the assault against the Bandits and then the White Mantle. The other raiders were my other original characters. Among them my Pact Commander Rhydderich with whom Nathan fell in love very fast.

He spent the years from the events of Season 3 to start of Icebrood Saga joggling between joining my characters on more raids, fulfilling his priesthood duty, and joining Rhydderich on some of his dragon journeys across the world.

At one point, he confessed his love to my sylvari but Rhy was still confused and in mourning Trahearne.

After Rhydderich got injured by Bangar in Bjora Marches, Nathan was able to tap into such depths of divine healing magic just to save him that he was promoted in the priesthood and became the third highest ranking person.

This is him in his new customized priest-of-Dwayna uniform that he started often wearing in combat in 1333 AE when he was 26-28.

But since then, quite a lot has changed:

The world events and shift in Tyria's magic made him want to start using his inner storm (in both the meaning of magic and the way he handles things) more often. When someone or something angered him exceptionally much, he just fried them. If the priesthood knew about it, they wouldn't approve.

After the Dragonvoid was beaten back, he and Rhydderich finally got together (!!!). They live together in a nice house in Divinity's Reach now.

He stopped faking the super old bruise, toning it down only to black eyeshadows on the eye lids. And in turn started usually covering up the very much real old tear scar.

He had an edgy phase with long hair and black clothes when not neccessarily on priesthood duty:

But it fit his uniform too, not gonna lie.

And lastly... the events of What Lies Beneath made him not so voluntarily unlock the fire elemental magic he had been bottling up since the orphanage and refusing to use it just out of trauma from the childhood and because it simply didn't go well with the priesthood's teachings of healing.

But the more detailed context, consequences and results of this, and his feelings about it, are all spoilers for the new post-EoD story.

In the meantime, have him looking not so cheerful (though determined) with to him very alien and at this point unfamiliar fire magic.

...and a new haircut and new armor because he changes his non-uniform clothes and general visage like I change my socks.

[vetteldixon]

‘E’ IS FOR ELOCUTIONIST.        JAMES HINCHCLIFFE                  Story by James Hinchcliffe                                  Illustration by Alvaro Tapia Hidalgo                  

THE 2022 NTT INDYCAR SEASON has been nothing short of spectacular. This season, the series matched records set 60 years ago with nine different pole sitters in the first nine races. There are genuinely 15 drivers who could win each weekend, and late in the season, the top six drivers were separated by less than a single win’s haul of points. To put that in perspective for all the Drive to Survive–ers, Max Verstappen could have skipped two grands prix this summer and still have been leading the F1 championship come fall.

continued below the cut!

The competition on track is better than ever in IndyCar. Car counts are higher and healthier than we’ve seen for decades, and new hybrid powertrain regulations in 2024 should add to the series’s appeal. What about the events themselves? The Indy 500 was a near sellout, we had enormous crowds at Long Beach, and Toronto saw its biggest crowd since the late Nineties. Thanks to a herculean effort from Penske Entertainment and title partner Hy-Vee, Iowa set attendance records and a new standard for race promotion. Add in known crowd favorites at Nashville and Gateway, and things are looking strong.

Of course, some races lack the allure and attendance of the past. We still have a gap in the Northeast, and there were some pre-Texas rumblings that we might be headed to the 1.5-mile oval for the last time. That tone changed slightly after the most entertaining race since the track’s 2017 repaving and reprofiling. Sprucing up an event to Iowa-like levels takes a committed partner. Hopefully, Texas’s improved raciness piques the interest of a company that could fill that role. The series cannot afford to lose another oval.

IndyCar has the best on-track product on four wheels (my unbiased opinion), healthy car counts, and seemingly increasing sponsorship, yet its fan base seems largely unchanged. The series has added many valuable official partnerships, but few have moved the needle in terms of fan growth. A high-level exec from a former IndyCar sponsor once told me that IndyCar racing was the best-kept secret in sports. That was 12 years ago. Sadly, that is still the feeling among many in the paddock.

NBC and the series have made huge strides in getting 14 of the 17 races on network television, and the network does an outstanding job covering the weekend action (as unbiased an opinion as I, a member of said broadcast team, can offer!). While some races have certainly seen meaningful jumps in viewership, others have delivered lower ratings than expected. Many factors are at play here, and other sports have felt the same effect, but one can’t help but think that the overall marketing strategy of the series needs a rethink.

Look at Formula 1. Its explosion in popularity since Liberty Media’s takeover has been astounding. This hasn’t come from closer racing. Yes, the 2022 rules package made the cars look and race better, but the action still pales in comparison to what IndyCar offers fans. Netflix has pumped up F1’s tires, but how long will that last? How many fans of DTS will stick around for life? Netflix aside, F1’s digital-media approach has been incredible. Books could be written about its targeted marketing, which has broadened the appeal of the sport beyond traditional racing fans.

IndyCar has yet to replicate this model, but not through lack of effort. The team at IndyCar works diligently with what it’s given, but it takes money to make money. An investment in itself, in the marketing and digital departments, could yield long-term benefits. IndyCar needs more resources to separate itself from others that currently have the motorsport market cornered. Does IndyCar needs its own Drive to Survive over-night explosion? No. That was a phenomenon impossible to replicate. I truly believe that slow and steady progress is as good a way forward, and it is very achievable.

IndyCar also has a ton of international appeal, and I would love to see the series take advantage of that. Races overseas used to be commonplace, which helped grow IndyCar’s fan base (and helped the teams financially).

IndyCar is doing a lot of things very right, but it can’t expect a good on-track product alone to create a surge in popularity. A focused investment, one that could bring IndyCar’s marketing to a new level, is long past due. It’s the only way to bring the best-kept secret to the masses. ■

[fourseasonsfigs]

New Year Joint Special Project - Fortunately, Your Heart is Like Mine

This is the fifth set in this 6-set series, and one I've been excited about for a long time! This is the leap at Longyuan Pavilion.

This set is one in a collaborative series of six designed among five fig makers for the Lunar New Year 2022. This fig collaboration launched on February 22, 2022, and if you ordered during the pre-order period, you would get a piece of a magnet which formed part of a larger piece of art. If you got all 6 magnets, you could complete the whole art piece. The collaboration was 4 Wenzhou sets and 2 Junzhe.

I've posted about the previous sets here:

Armory

Never Fail the Four Seasons

Bazaar

Orange Soda

The 4 Wenzhou ones are below, and this set is of course the one in the top left.

The name of this set comes from Episode 18, where A-Xu and Lao Wen are battling the drug men in the Longyuan pit. A-Xu says his life something to the effect of his life being worthwhile because he has found a friend, and Lao Wen says,

"Fortunately, your heart is like mine," (per Google Translate), which probably a quote, just given A-Xu's next line about Lao Wen's poems giving him a headache.

This fig set is exciting because it's set in motion! No just standing around posing here. It makes sense because the inspiration for it is this gorgeous leap (trust fall, as some call it):

I remember catching my breath when watching A-Xu jump in the show, sure that there was no way he was going to make it across.

Lao Wen arrived with his rock outcropping. He has the world's smallest, cutest feet here! Which makes sense given they are just fitting into the base.

The pegs went right in, and he's nice and stable on the rock, which is good because he's about to grab on to his A-Xu.

Super cute. You can see the detail on his purple robes, which I loved even if they weren't Gong Jun's favorite (I mean, yeah, it IS a lot of purple). The PVC mold seaming which you can see on his head, is, like always, barely noticeable in real life vs this deep groove like it looks here.

The original robes had some very beautiful and very ornate embroidery on them, so the decision to simplify it down a bit for this fig (but still imply the overall design) is still lovely. It's a much better look rather than just having the purple colorway by itself.

Lao Wen's well-coifed hair just prior to tumbling down a tunnel!

An extreme closeup so you can see the details on the robe.

And the top view of that hand reaching out!

To match Lao Wen's little feet, we have A-Xu with his little boots. He came with this acrylic pillar, which the fig maker advised could be used to stand him up on, since he can't stand up himself due to the flying-through-the-air pose. However, the fig maker also noted that the pillar had turned out to be the wrong size. A-Xu on the pillar was too high, which meant the two figs couldn't make eye contact. She advised that folks get a bit of fishing wire and use that instead, so A-Xu and Lao Wen could properly be looking at each other.

SO. CUTE. Look at that face!

I did my best to photograph the normal shots of all sides, just given this fig's in-flight pose.

I really love how his belt is in motion too. The fig maker did such a nice job with this design.

In watching this episode again for this post, I was struck once again how elegant and beautiful A-Xu's costume is. The wide collar, the wide belt, and the lovely seafoam green.

The fig makers must have a lot of fun with Wenzhou's hair.

Mindful of the fig maker's words, I tried both the fishing wire and the pillar. And yep, no eye contact - A-Xu's trusting gaze is well over Lao Wen's head, even if I move Lao Wen waaaaay back. It's too bad! I actually like him on the pillar more than I thought I would. He won't balance on top of it by himself, and there's no slot or anything to stick him on top of it, so I put a big piece of Museum Putty under his robes to stick him on that pillar. It worked well! And the pillar does balance - I didn't think it would, I thought I would have to putty the bottom to the counter, but he's been hanging out on that pillar for some time just fine.

So, the fishing wire. Or filament, rather. I actually had some from a craft project I did with my niece a while back, so I carefully tied up A-Xu. I didn't want to just put it around his neck, and the same with his ponytail (I've seen too many videos of fig assembly at the factories - I'm never sure which pieces are glued on and which are permanently affixed), so I ended up way over-complicating it and stringing it cross ways around his torso and up around his hair. Not the finest job ever. I tried to pose him for some action shots for the main pic header of this blog, and found out just how smoothly I could get Zhou-Xianggong to fly through the air.

Answer - not at all. This was, in fact, the smoothest of the bunch (and he actually made contact with Lao Wen's hand, as a bonus!). I was laughing my head off watching him spin wildly in the air as I tried to make him glide gracefully forward. Sorry, A-Xu!

Here we have a much better leap, immortalized in the beautiful box art. The quote on the left with A-Xu is: 得君为友不枉此生, dé jūn wéi yǒu bù wǎng cǐshēng, "having you as a friend, my life has not been in vain", and Lao Wen's answering, 幸得君心似我心, xìng dé jūn xīn sì wǒ xīn, "fortunately, your heart is like mine".

Amazing these lines can all be poorly machine translated and still absolutely beautiful.

The matching box cards with the same quotes.

The piece of the magnet! This is the farthest left edge of the piece of art. Only one more to go, the farthest right edge - Bedema Lake.

Stay tuned for after the ***** line for the entire set of 5 magnets to date! As a reminder, this set has adorable chibi art of two half-dressed zhiji cuddling and smooching in bed, so navigate away if that's not something you can have show up on your phone / computer right now.

Material: PVC (figures) and acrylic (stand)

Fig Count: 168

Diorama Count: 9

Snowglobe: 1

Rating: A leap of faith

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

************************************************************

As usual, here we have some random chatting to fill up the space between the fig count and the pic.

I'm super, super excited about the last fig set. My Bedema Lake box is currently at the warehouse getting bubble wrapped. I don't typically bubble wrap PVC figs (only resin figs) for the transcontinental voyage, but this has so many delicate parts with the raft and the water that I didn't want to chance it.

You can see why, right? You can also see the magnet (turned over) there in the middle. I can't wait to get this!

Speaking of magnets:

Here's the set to date! Cute, isn't it! Only one more to go.

[chippedcat2]

Chip's Fic Master Post

Hello there! I'm Chip, these are the things I've written. Mostly Adventure Time rn, but there's plenty of SPOP stuff under the cut. If you read them, that'd be pretty cool!

Adventure Time:

Interludes- Drabble collection written to fill in some canon Chapters 1/? A collection of short stories set within the show canon meant to fill in some gaps. Basically, a dumping ground for little in-universe drabbles.

Brave New World- Pre-Canon fic exploring Marceline and the Hyoomans Chapters: 1/? The others thought she was crazy, but Jo knows that the Mainland wasn't a hellscape. Sure, it was rough around the edges, but it was chock-full of adventures and land ripe for the claiming. With nothing but a boat, muddled memories, and her old bunny hat, she was ready to face whatever waited for her outside the islands.

I'd Know You in Any World (Series):

Blast Off- Set-up fic for the series Chapters 2/2 Finn, Bubblegum, and Jake need to take the Farmworld Enchiridion back to its home, lest a GOLB situation happens again. However, as the trio is about to learn, finding one dimension in the massive cosmic sea is much easier said than done.

Adventure Time with Marcy the Human- Human AU (for some) When the trio finds themselves in a strangely familiar place with profoundly unfamiliar people, they realize they've been blown off course much faster than they anticipated. To take another shot, they'll need the greatest minds of the dimension, some royal gems, and more than a little vampire blood.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power:

What You’re Worth- Massive Magicatra AU spanning the first three seasons Chapters: 24/30 Adora doesn’t want this. This isn’t what she signed up for. But it’s the right thing to do, the only thing to do. Etheria chose Catra. It wants her to protect it, to stop the Horde. The Rebellion chose Catra to be their strongest fighter, their greatest asset, and their most exalted member. They didn’t want Adora. They wanted Catra. She was finally worth something.

We Three Queens- Horde Wives at the fall of the Empire Chapters: 3/3 When the Horde empire fell, Commander Glimmer scoured Etheria to find soldiers and agents who may have escaped capture. A year after the fall, only three have evaded her and it seems that it will stay that way. No one can find the two Horde Queens and their loyal lieutenant, and that’s the way they want

Golden Arrow- Bow-Ra and Horde Glimmer fic, written for Glimbow Week Chapters: 7/7 Imagine the Etherians' surprise when their savior is the universe's first He-Ra.

Adora Bull: Cat Caper- Kim Possible AU because IDK Chapters: 1/2 She's your basic average girl, and she's here to save the world. You can't her stop cuz she's Adora Bull.

To Skin a Cat- Post-Canon Whump with a little plot occasionally Chapters: 7/11 (lol) Who's out to get the cat?

Wild Heart- Feral Catra Fic with a Glimbow focus Chapters: 3/3 There's a secret deep in the Woods who only Bow can call upon.

Domesticity- Post-Canon Fluff, will cause tooth decay Oneshot Ten years since the day we kissed.

Open Heart- Feral Catra's back Oneshot C'yra doesn't know much about love, but she suspects that her brother may have found it with that strange pink girl. Part of the Wild Heart Saga.

War is Heck- Real-World Childhood Fic Oneshot A brief look at the horrors of battle and the devastation of it ending.

Six Gifts- A classic 5+1 Fluff Fic Oneshot There are six gifts Adora treasures the most.

The Vessel AU (Series)

She’s Gone- Canon Divergence in which the BFS loses hard Oneshot Convinced that she’s dead, the Best Friend Squad returns to Etheria without Catra. However, without her influence, Adora fails to forge a stable connection with She-Ra, and Prime destroys the planet. With most of her friends gone and an empty heart left in their wake, Adora is consumed by a need for revenge, intent on hunting Prime to the edges of the universe and destroying his mysterious “new form” before he can hurt anyone else.

Rest for the Wicked- Fic about Adjusting to physical and mental trauma Oneshot Catra feels empty. She can't decide if it's a good or bad feeling.

The Remains- Vessel AU 5+1 with implied Catradora Oneshot Six stories from the world of New Etheria.

The Wreckage of the World (Crossover Series):

CHIPped (Carnivorous and Highly Infectious Prototype)- Catradora Zombie Apocalypse AU Chapters 2/2 The days Catra spends wandering the wreckage of the world are the worst of her life. But they are perhaps the most peaceful. It is just her, her shovel, and her gun. And the zombies, of course, but they rarely bother her. Only when they got truly hungry would they attack one of their own.

Bitten- Bubbline Zombie Apocalypse AU Chapters 1/4 Bonnie's world is Marceline, and when Marcy is bitten by an Oozer, nothing can keep Bonnie from tracking down a cure. Luckily, it seems like the only thing in her way is that angry catgirl and the blonde dumbass.