#And I'm kinda seeking validation...again...

[autonomousxselves]

//(five minutes into a P4G replay) isn't it interesting that yu is like the only protag who consistently wants to fit in and the anime version of his shadow sets that in stone

[2smolbeans]

Yandere and angst mixed in one fic

Thanks for the request!! It's not really a fic but a thought based on that.Thouughhh the qualilty is kinda ehhh..lol- it was still fun to think and write though!:

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Yandere Angst Scenario

Tags: implied bullying, sadism, yandere goes from cruel to a desperate individual, darling had feelings for the yan but then lost them, mentioned ex partner, angst.

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Imagine a yandere who absolutely despises you but desperately clings onto you. They need you but at the same time berate you for the littlest of things. They say they love you but never fail to make you cry. They claim that you have them wrapped around your thumb but can easily ruin your life just by muttering a few words into someone's ear. You try to get away, but they always follow.

There's been multiple times where they've come into your workplace, only to slowly turn everyone against you. Passive glances, total silence, uncomfortable deadpanned stares. You've never felt so alone whenever they were in your life. You'd be all alone, and they would always be surrounded by others- smiling and passing by you without any acknowledgment. There was one time at a company celebration where everyone was supposed to be at a bar drinking together. Everyone sat at a table together, and you sat there alone, watching them. When you prepared to leave, you recalled them paying their farewells. You smiled, thinking it was for you, but only to realise in embarrassment that it was for the newbie who stood up after you made your way to the door. You remembered how empty you felt when you got home, no tears to be shed - but just that suffocating acceptance.

The worst part is, this person, the reason why your social life has always been in the dumps - was the person you were so in love with. It's funny how that works. Shouldn't you hate them? You can't bring yourself to though..It seemed so long ago, but there was one point that the two of you were in good terms. Were you friends? You weren't so sure. The memories were so distant, but the feelings were still there. Why did you like them again?

That didn't matter anymore. It didn't help that they were with someone you knew closesly only to hurt you out of spite. So what was the point in all this? The gossiping, the microaggressions, the dread. You've tried confronting them about it, only for them to feign innocence and make you feel stupid at the end.

"You think I'm the reason why your social life is shit? Seriously? How old are you?"

"Take a look in the mirror. Maybe that's why no one talks to you."

"Your desperation is so obvious and pathetic. It drives people away. So stop seeking validation from others and love yourself, kay?"

"Now sorry, I'm busy. I have someone to meet. Unlike you."

So this person that you love so much, that for some awful reason- seek validation from, crushes you in the most heartwrenching way. And when it comes to this person, they don't pay any mind to you. They like how you're underneath them. They adore how you seek validation from them in the most subtle of ways (even though its not really to them personally), and they find you laughable. You knew that for sure - they've told you so many times.

So, did they love you? Surprisingly, yes. In their own twisted way, this is how they loved you. So they break your heart over and over again. Eventually, though, you move on. You find new friends, workplaces, and lover.. Of course it would happen, nothing lasts forever. They let you have your fun of course- but begin to get tired of it. So they take it away all over again. Your friends..And of course, that lover.

So there you are, angry with tears as you stand outside their apartment. Banging on the door as you call out their name. They answer, and they stare at you- smiling as they tilt their head to the side mockingly, asking you whats wrong. You yell, scream, and sob as you show them the messages you're now ex sent you. How they framed you for cheating on them..With them.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? What the actual FUCK is wrong with you. I never fucked you, I never- EVER will. So why did you say that- why, WHY?! Wasn't it enough when you made my life at the office a living hell? Isn't it enough?!"

"Oh, you came. That was quick. Do you wanna come in? Or do you wanna continue making a scene out here? Your choice."

"A-Are you even listening?"

"In or out?"

So you go inside..And you just sit there on their couch crying. You think for a moment they have some remorse as they stare at you with empathy as they sit beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder..But..

"Oh hun..I just love seeing you cry. That's it. It's not over pure love or some complicated shit. It just turns me on seeing you all pathetic."

"I need you by my side. You're the only one who could ever feel so..Alive like this. Maybe I do love you. Who knows?"

"Maybe we could find out..I'm sorry you have to suffer like this..But..I mean what else is there to say pft?"

"I know I'm being selfish. So just bare with me alright?"

"I think I love you. I don't want you being with anyone else. At the same time..I want you crying because of me. Then that shows me how much I matter to you"

"You don't cry over a nobody..So I'm somebody to you"

"Don't you see why that's special? It's stupid...So huh, maybe I am in love with you."

"....I love you. I think? That's why I'm doing all this.."

Laughing bitterly, you just stare in disbelief as you shove them and leave.

"There’s something fucking wrong with you. Get help."

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Years later they would get softer as they realised how much you really mean to them. How much love you actually deserved, how dumb they were to use you in a way that was cruel. Sure even now they had sadistic urges, but they could've acted on them in other ways. God it's embarrassing thinking about it! Looking back on their cruelty like it was some middleschool cringe and not ruining someones well being- they often think about you and the ways they could bring you back.

They messed up, and the day you left and never returned made them realise it.

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"Hey, it's me-"

"Who the fuck are you? H-How did you get in?! Why are you in my house-"

"Look..I wanted to say sorry. 5 years ago I never realised how much you really meant to me, and I took that for-"

"I don't care go away. I'm calling the cops-"

"Says who? Try it, the service is dead."

"What..?"

"Look. I know you must've been pissed for the shit I pulled back then..But I changed! The day you left, I realised that-"

"Oh my god..It's you.."

"Yeah.. I know it's been a while.."

"Wasn't making my life miserable back then enough? Or not? You took a lot from me back then, what more could you want now?"

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"So now you're sorry? You're only sorry cause I left. I'm never loving you, I never will."

"Well you don't know that.."

"Ohhh trust me. I know so."

"We'll see about that."

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"Honey..Look stop struggling. I know back then I must've really hurt you, but it's going to be different now okay? I love you. I mean it. And I don't care how far I have to go to show that to you"

"I know you love me. You loved me before..So I know you'll love me again. I'm not the same as I was before, I promise!"

"Give me another chance..I promise I'll make you happy"

"So stop struggling, or I'll twist that pretty leg of yours."

"Aww..Sorry hun. Didn't mean to slap you that hard but- I think I kind of like this look on you.."

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.

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A/N: So I tried to go for a sadistic yandere being cruel to their darling who had feelings for them but then went too far...Only for their darling to no longer like them due to the heart break!

[beybuniki]

This is gonna be a rambly ask, so I hope it makes sense (and I also hope it's not too weird or offputting >///<)

I'm a relatively newer follower, so I don't know exactly what your interpretation of Bakugo and Midoriya's relationship is, but I've been getting the impression of "two guys who are obsessed with each other who are also trying to be friends despite their complicated past."* And I've literally experienced that type of dynamic myself, so I find it kinda validating, in a way.

I find it difficult to identify whether these feelings of mine are platonic or romantic. They feel like some sort of messy in-between, or maybe a hybrid: more intense than regular friendship (perhaps even more intense than what one would consider a "best friend"), but not quite romantic. (But also not something I'd call "less than" romantic, as that implies some sort of Relationship Hierarchy where romance is at the top and everything else is beneath it, which doesn't sit right with me?)

Ship content seems to be the easiest way to find fanworks that feature two characters together and the dynamic between them, so that's what I usually end up seeking, even if the romance isn't necessarily why I'm seeking it out. And I wouldn't say I dislike ship content altogether, because there are many talented creators and fun ideas behind it, and I've certainly been entertained by them. I guess I just find it more difficult to relate to, and the commonness of it can sometimes make me feel like it's what I should be striving for with my own aforementioned relationship.

This is why I love finding people like you who write or draw about non-romantic dynamics without undermining the importance of the relationship. It helps me feel less like an outcast for the way I view my own real-life relationships. So I suppose this is just a very long-winded way of me trying to say, "thanks for helping someone feel a little less weird in this big world."

(*If that's not how you intended to portray them then oopsieeeees my bad. I might have just been projecting LOL)

<3

yeah i read their dynamic as platonic i.e., i just take what we get in the manga at face value. much to be criticized about bnha, but i LOVE horikoshi's depiction of bkdk's dynamic and don't really feel the need to twist and bend it or to expand it to a romantic one. they're 16-17 and have a lot to work through and i have so much fun trying explore that like how do you get close to someone again despite all the crazy ups and downs, how do you find a good balance between these different poles of intensity, how do you forgive a friend, how can you show a friend that they mean a lot to you etc. all things that horikoshi actually tackles in the manga, i just like to add my own off-screen moments i guess lmao

so while i don't oppose romantic readings, i just enjoy exploring the uhhh instability and intensity of adolescent friendships much more i guess. and their age plays a huge role to me too tbh, like i can def see deku having a weird little crush on bakugo (so much to unpack), but i just don't see bakugo be interested in romance with anyone at all and like to keep it that way so yeah, I love them as weird friends lmaoo

[yersina]

a linguist* plays chants of sennaar (pt 1)

*i studied linguistics for four years and concurrently did three years of sociolinguistics research, but i'm not currently employed in a linguistics-related field.

[pt 2] [pt 3] [pt 4] [pt 5]

thought i'd have some fun breaking down the languages in cos and stretch my rarely used linguistics muscles in the process! disclaimer: can't promise that i'll have any insights that a layperson wouldn't have, this is kinda just me thinking through the grammar of the language out loud haha.

this post covers the first language and will contain spoilers! it also assumes that you know what each of the symbols means already.

so the three glyphs from the devotee's language that you get introduced to right off the bat already tells me a lot: it's a pictographic logography (real life example: chinese characters), which is probably a good place to start for people who are new to language deciphering (also, none of these languages are spoken so an alphabet would be pointless lol). a logography is a writing system that represents whole words/concepts with a single character, as opposed to representing the sounds that the words make (like alphabets or syllabaries). i haven't completely finished the game yet (most of the way through the fourth language), but i'm p sure 1) all of the languages are logographies and 2) the devotee's language is the most true-to-life with its pictograms.

with these three words we can also begin to establish a pattern--verbs most likely have a line on the bottom, which holds true for the rest of the characters. i think the only exception to this rule is the character for "greeting", which is also used as the verb "salute" later in the game (an interesting choice (considering etymologies for greetings in irl languages), but it makes sense when your language is only 40 words lol). other patterns include the curved line for tools, the semi-open box for structures/locations, and the half-circle with the line for things relating to sight (which amusingly is also the overall game symbol for examining something). (not gonna include things like "man" and "music" and "plant" in this list cause they're defined in game.) i do think it's kind of fun that they introduced "i/me" and "you" before they introduced "man"—it validates that you'll find patterns haha.

(while writing the prev paragraph, it finally hit me that the symbol for "key" is open-tool. isn't that cool!)

i did notice at one point in the game that there was a devotee word that was cut off in one of the stone carvings that looked like it might have been the equivalent for "fortress"--it was the room radical with the two opposing arrows from the word for "warrior". although it's not validated by the game's automatic translation function, it does seem to be evidence that the language elements are fairly flexible and recombinable!

this language is SVO (subject verb object), like english, which again is a choice that makes sense in terms of easing people in. it uses reduplication with nouns to indicate plurality, which as far as i can tell is unique amongst the languages in this game. there's no tense markers, which is common to all the languages in this game (again, as far as i can tell without having encountered the last language yet). given how simple the languages in the game need to be, i'm not surprised that there aren't really auxiliary verbs or indications of infinitives either.

questions that still remain unanswered: - "dead/death", "seek", and "find" all have dots that don't show up in the other characters. not sure why that's the case. could be a representation of something metaphysical? - the character for "go/pass" has a "room" radical on the right side and something else on the left side. wonder if that was intentional

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey, this is the same 14 year old from earlier. first, i want to thank you so much for such a well rounded, thoughtful response. i went through all the resources and they were all very helpful. after thinking about it, i think i probably won't do this after all. technically i think i am ready, i understand the possible consequences, i know how to be safe, etc etc, but i'm just kind of anxious. and it might be a better idea to wait to do things like this with someone i actually have romantic feelings towards, because i'll probably enjoy it more then, right? i'm not exactly sure why i agreed to do it in the first place, i guess curiosity or for the sake of formative teenage experiences or literally just "why not" lmao. i do have one more question if that's alright, do you know of a good way to tell her that i don't really want to do this anymore? we haven't set up an actual date and time yet but she's serious about it and i was serious about it but obviously my opinion has changed. i feel kind of guilty about backing out especially because she kinda wanted this as a rebound after breaking up with her girlfriend of like, six years (which means it might be good if we don't do this anyway, this might be an impulsive decision on her part that she ends up regretting).

also one more question (sorry) if you have the time and energy for it. i know there's a lot of people asking you questions haha. how would you get an STI or STD through oral sex? i understand the basics, its spread through genital fluids and gets into your body that way, but how would the symptoms start showing in your own genitals? or would they not and just show up in your mouth or throat? the planned parenthood link kind of talked about that, but it said that it was rare. anyway thank you so much! you've been genuinely so helpful and kind and i appreciate it so much!

hello! welcome back! it's great to hear from you again, and I'm glad that response was helpful. it's awesome that you were able to weigh all the available information to make that decision. you'll have plenty of other opportunities for formative teenage experiences, very few of which have to involve sex at all - I'd be a bad sex witch if I didn't tell you that I didn't have sex with another person for the first time until I was almost 21!

cancelling this plan with your friend might feel awkward, but it doesn't need to be worse than dipping out of any other activity. "hey, I think I changed my mind about wanting to see this movie; I don't really think I'm going to vibe with it. thank you for inviting me, though!" 'I'm actually not feeling up to going to the game, but I hope you can find someone else to go with." "sorry to change our plans, but I think having sex actually isn't something I want to do right now. thanks for being understanding."

this may hurt your friend's feelings; it can often feel extremely personal and hurtful when someone doesn't reciprocate an interest in sex, and feel much worse than someone saying no to other kinds of plans. this may be especially true if you're right about your friend trying to rebound from a previous relationship - six years is a long relationship for anyone, especially someone for whom six years is almost half of their life, and there's a good chance she's still feeling sore from the loss of that relationship and is seeking comfort and validation from another source (you). good on you for being insightful enough to notice this and recognize this! that's an important trait to have, both as a friend and in your future romantic and sexual relationships.

if your friend doesn't take it well when you change your mind, you may need to get a little space from her while her feelings cool off. remember, while you should be kind when you say no - obviously nothing like "I wouldn't want to have sex with you, you're gross and just rebounding" - you're not doing anything wrong at all by changing your mind, and if your friend starts trying to pester you into changing your mind or acting more harshly to you, we've definitely crossed into the territory where she's the asshole. (not that you're the asshole for saying no; nobody is the asshole in that scenario.) if she takes it poorly, it's okay to ask her for some distance and spend less time around her until the hurt feelings are mended.

remember: you don't need to feel guilty for changing your mind. you are always allowed to do that, even if you're in the middle of having sex. you don't owe anyone else access to your body, ever, and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise can go straight into the trash.

and please don't ever feel the need to apologize for asking about STIs, they're one of my favorite things to talk about!

for many STIs that can be transmitted to the mouth, the symptoms will stay in the mouth and/or throat. sometimes that will look like sores or blisters in or around the mouth, which are sometimes painful and ooze discharge and sometimes don't feel like anything at all. it can also feel like an ordinary cold, with a sore throat and some difficulty swallowing. in most cases, the symptoms won't spread to your genitals unless you also contracted the STI there as well - for instance, if you touched your mouth and tongue to an infected partner's genitals and then also touched your genitals to theirs as well. but while the symptoms looks different, the medicines that treat STIs affecting the genitals are just as effective at clearing up infections in the mouth and throat.

I'm super happy to help, and please know you can send in more asks any time :)

[nathaniel-underwood-is-an-intj]

Looong rant about chapter 16 Ptolemy's Gate and how being passive can add to the cycle of ab*se.

oof so I just read when Nat goes to see Ms Lutyens and I can't help but be absolutely furious at her??

I know that's maybe a little bit unfair given she's frightened of him as a magician and is obviously angry when she finds out the department he's responsible for, but honestly it kinda brings up the problem with inadvertent bystanders to child ab*se in my mind.

And I'm definitely not blaming her solely for who Nat becomes but it makes me think of all those people in huge child ab*se cases who give interviews to press about all the things they noticed that were wrong but they just...never do anything?

She stood up for him against Lovelace, and when Nat thanked her- "I wanted to say that I know you were trying to save me, and-"

''Yes, and I'm sorry I didn't" Like girl be for real did you really think that alone would undo the years of indoctrination and abuse he's already suffered and prevent years worth of the same in the years to come? And she won't take responsibility - "My job is with children, not the adults they become" and again while it seems harsh to blame her for who Nat becomes, it's so much easier to pass the blame to people who are more directly responsible rather than acknowledging you also play a part.

I think it hurts so much more because it's her specifically- Nat goes to her in sheer desperation, it almost seems like a goodbye- he wants to thank her, tries to set her up in a job that will pay well and struggles to communicate he's trying to help. At this point he thinks Bartimaeus has been summoned by another magician and his birth name will be revealed. He's sure he's about to die and if not he'll be stood on trial and lose everything.

He goes to her because she represents the peaceful moments from his childhood when he got away from his master. He's scared and feeling lost and really it's call for help; but he doesn't ask for anything he just wants to make her feel proud of him- he's looking for that validation that he's been chasing since childhood.

And that shows he still does have that little bit of childhood innocence in him; he thinks she will be proud, thinks she'll see him as the same little boy in the garden gazing up at his teacher in adoration. He can't quite grasp why she's separated the man stood before her from that little boy. Because in that moment the child inside Nathaniel is seeking comfort AND THAT'S WHY it makes me so angry. She's completely given up on him when he's at his lowest ebb, because she doesn't want to be associated with the magician he's become. As if it isn't a massive step in the right direction that he saught her out in the first place- what other magican would bother? I wonder if that's why she reacted so strongly to seeing him again? Before that moment she could go about her life wondering if /pretending her attempt to protect him was enough, and now she realises it wasn't, of course it wasn't, and the image she had of Nathaniel's childhood innocence is completely ruined in her mind.

Or was her contempt for him even grater than Nat realised? She was naturally disgusted by the rhetoric he'd started to repeat from a young age, and gently tried to correct him although she was clearly angry- was she just resigned to the fact that there is little else she could do to change his future? I always thought- couldn't she have looked for him? The Underwood house fire was in the papers and they mentioned the apprentice was being searched for. Did she ever worry about him? Surely something must have been in the papers since- an announcement of new ministers, ANYTHING! Look at how much research Kitty did to find out about Bartimaeus and Ptolemy. I just don't think Rosanna Lutyens cared enough, realistically Nathaniel wasn't hard to find- but he was no longer her responsibility so she could turn a blind eye.

And sadly it's not just her- I know everyone loves Martha Underwood including Nat; but I think her submissiveness to her husband has a negative effect on Nathaniel as well. In AOS when Nat is locked in his room for ages after setting the mites loose, and is forbidden to have any contact with anyone and she won't talk with him. I know she's been told by Mr. Underwood she can't, but it still boils my blood. She's an adult and going along with ignoring Nathaniel because her husband told her to...I can't even begin to imagine the psychological damage that would do to a 10 year old child. (It could be argued she's frightened of the consequences if her husband finds out she's disobeyed him which is fair, he could always be watching through magic- but this is Arthur Underwood we're talking about. He's lazy, oblivious and weak I doubt he'd expend all that energy each day to check up on her.)

And It's even more painful that Nathaniel is often described as fiercely loyal to her and I think to Ms Lutyens as well- he doesn't expect to be treated well by Arthur Underwood but he loved Mrs Underwood and Ms Lutyens so much he started to view them through a rose-coloured lense. He never feels betrayed by either of them, even though they absolutely let him down, because the pedestal he's put them on is too high AND THAT ABSOLUTELY DESTROYS ME.

Would things with Nathaniel have been any different if Mrs Underwood hadn't died? I don't really think so. Do you think she'd see Nathaniel's temper at 14 years old and be reminded of Arthur Underwood? He was awful, absolutely awful to Nat and to her; but he was under so much stress in an underfunded departement, where pressure was being put on him by superiors to accomplish far more than they knew him to be capable of, and he took it out on the easiest target. Nathaniel ends up in exactly the same place and he starts to take it out on the only person around him- Bartimaeus. Would he snap at Mrs Underwood all the time if she were still there? Because he's learnt that behaviour from his father figure, and subconsciously learnt from his mother figure that she'll put up with it. He learnt from the woman he loved so deeply, that if you don't resist, people will walk all over you. So you have to maintain control even if it ends up hurting people you care about because no one will step in to stop the suffering no matter how much you love them, no matter how much you want them too.

It's easy to blame Arthur Underwood and Simon Lovelace and the magicians that actively hurt Nathaniel but I just feel like it's a bit disingenuous not to acknowledge the role of those doing passive harm. It's really mean to say it but even Bartimaeus plays a role- he knows Nat is clinging on to him because he can't 'bring himself to break this last connection' (to his childhood) but instead of bringing it up properly he 'taunts' Nathaniel- a boy who has been taunted for his weakness by his master for years. And even in AOS when Nathaniel tells Bartimaeus he was beaten for the mites incident Bart just kinda shrugs it off. Like I get it, why should Bartimaeus do anything, he's suffered way worse due to the system so he doesn't owe Nat anything right? But from Nat's point of view this is the first and only time he's mentioned to anyone what has happened to him and nothing changes. It's like another lesson learnt: telling someone about it doesn't help. Another nail in the coffin.

And I like all these characters, I feel bad for them. They're all victims of the system, I think the chapter with Ms Lutyens is just the straw that broke the camel's back for me. All of those little opportunities that are insignificant to the narrative over all; the commoners have it worse, Nathaniel is in a privileged position in society, exerting control over others. He's very morally grey, crossing over into objectively bad person territory but I love him with my whole heart and all of those insignificant moments would have been massive to him whether he was conscious of it or not.

And it goes all the way back to the beginning with Nat's parents giving him up to the magicians at 5 years old. I can't get the image of that little boy sat crying all alone in the government building. And he's not going somewhere safer, or somewhere he'll be happier and more loved. Giving your child over to a total stranger, oh he'll be totally fine won't he? He'll grow up to be a magician and far richer than you'll ever be, he'll be happy and comfortable and be grateful he got to grow up in luxury. There's no way a stranger you've never met, who the majority of society is terrified of would ever hurt a vulnerable little kid right? And if they do? Well you aren't responsible anymore, how could you know? What could you possibly do against the magician taking care of him?

Every little thing is another grain of sand tipping the scale. Did anyone else have to analyse An Inspector Calls in school? It feels like that to me- those BIG moments and all the little moments in between that add onto the pile.

And it goes on to cause problems in wider society too- ab*se is so normalised to the magicians, they casually ask Underwood if he hits Nathaniel like it's nothing. Because to them it is nothing, they've all grown up in the same circumstances and are repeating what they've learnt as children. I can't help but feel a little sorry for them all, especially when they aren't looked at through the black and white lense of 'argh these people are the evil arseholes look at how they treat everyone around them, screw these guys.' When we see those little glimpses of humanity like Simon's anxiety with the amulet; looking to his master and father figure Schyler for reassurance, and what's sad is that Nat is "reminded...of his own master's cold impatience" It's clear Simon looks up to his master, wants to make him proud and loves him. But it seems like Schyler has just trained Simon up so he can get power through him later on. I love the little hints of similarities between Simon and Nathaniel; the anxious mannerisms like fiddling with his hair that Nathaniel starts to develop, the way their master's talk to them. Even though they're actively working against each other in AOS and Simon is placed firmly in the baddies category and Nat in the goodies category at this point in the series; these things always hinted to me they had similar childhoods, how was Simon treated? When he had the imp beat Nat into unconsciousness, was it because he'd had the same punishment used against him? Did he know the magicians in the room would do nothing to stop him because no one stopped it from happening to him? Did he ever have a teacher stand up for him only for it to change nothing in the end because all the negative influences were so much stronger? Is the reason he loves Schyler like a dad because he's almost developed Stockholm syndrome? It looks like love because he's never known anything else.

And Arthur Underwood- who doesn't think his upbringing, and being taken away from his family ever did him any harm- doesn't realise the harm done is that he doesn't even know another way of raising Nathaniel, because he was never shown another way. His childhood may also have been filled with people who hurt him and the people that didn't do enough to intervene.

There are so many psychology studies that show children copy everything they see the adults in their life doing. Nathaniel copies the magicians behaviour towards spirits and on a subconscious level I think he copies all the submissive people in his life. How many times does he end up upset and frustrated with the fact he seems to be going nowhere and how many times does he just hope things will be different rather than taking postive action.

I dislike the actions the magicians end up taking but I also find them fascinating to analyse. I tend to prefer villains in media because they're usually slightly more complex individuals and I love to think about how they ended up that way. They can all be seen as victims of their circumstances in a way, despite all the power and privilege they have had terrible and traumatic childhoods, and if the commoners had no valuable worldy possessions at least they had a sense of togetherness; of love and understanding and selflessness. I wonder if the magicians hated them at least partly because of that. Because out in the sea of faces of the commoners talking about nothing important, doing nothing great and noble- could be the parents that abandoned them. And when your life is on the line daily because of working with spirits, and your colleagues want to stab you in the back, sometimes not being responsible for anything important looks good. But you can't leave your life as a magician, it would be too difficult; you have nowhere to go, no real friends, no one who really loves you. So it's better to stay and be a submissive bystander in your own life because it's so much easier.

Doing nothing is doing something- being passive can be just as harmful.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Some truths people need to accept about therapy

This isn't an anti-therapy post. If it works for you, that's great. I just see people getting a bit pushy when it comes to encouraging others to attend and not accepting different points of views. Some of these I've talked about before but figured I'd list them here anyway

-Bad therapists exist. Sometimes people aren't good in the field they chose. Sometimes those people are the wrong kind of people to be in that field. You know, like when they that the "mean girls" become nurses. A bad therapist, for example, might take the side of an abusive parent, using excuses like "they probably had a bad childhood" or "they did their best." If you're there because you're seeking help, that isn't helpful. Imagine being traumatized by the abuse you suffered and the person who is supposed to help you sympathizes with your abuser instead. It happens and it's not okay.

But I've seen people online that get defensive when these therapists are called out or the practice has any sort of criticism towards it. I think a lot of that stems from wanting to protect therapy in a sense from being badmouthed. But then you have this problem of shutting out anything that could be deemed oppositional and you hurt people in the process. (which I'll get into more on the next point). If you take criticism and believe that comes from an anti-therapy mindset, then you need to reflect and ask yourself why you only want to accept the positivity. Those bad therapists don't just cease to exist because you've shut the "idea" of them out.

Bad therapists need to be held accountable for their actions. And in sense, I'm not referring to "bad" as a bad fit for you. I'm talking about those that behave unethically or something else along those lines.

And no, saying that "well therapists are humans too..." is not an acceptable excuse. Sure, it's true but I hold people of certain professions to a higher standard than others. A fast food worker making a mistake and giving you the wrong food is one thing. But you'd probably have a much stronger reaction if a nurse gives the wrong dose of medication to your loved one because they weren't paying attention. Are you going to be placated by "they're only human"?

In the same way, you don't want a therapist that can worsen your mental health. A therapist is in a position of a delicate situation- bad ones need to be weeded out. I think too often people just shrug and tell others if they don't like their therapists then just try a new one. That's not always an option for someone, especially if for insurance reasons or whatever, they have limiting options of who they can go see.

-You shouldn't invalidate someone's experience. Kinda goes along with number one. As it was mentioned, a bad therapist can worsen someone's mental health. Someone might have had a bad experience and doesn't want to go back ever or they might be hesitant because they don't want to encounter it again. The thing is, though, in many cases if someone has a bad experience in therapy there's this assumption that it's their own fault. They weren't willing to work hard enough. They obviously don't want to get help. If you think about it, isn't that victim blaming?

Sure, there's people who go to therapy and are like that, but it's not the case for everyone. But I see this sort of thing online a lot.

-Not everyone has access to therapy, be that because of financial reasons or there isn't a place near them offering services. This is a huge one too. Online, people throw the word therapy around like there are no obstacles for anyone and if you don't go, you're just not willing to help yourself. Not everyone can go. Instead of acting morally superior, try to understand that everyone's situation is different

-Someone not having the time to go is valid. it's great that you're going to work full time, taking care of the kids, maintaining the house and having a social life while being able to squeeze in a therapy appointment but it's just not realistic for a lot of people and you have to understand that. And I know to some people it's as easy as if you really want it you'll make time for it but again, that's not necessarily how that works. You can really want something sometimes and it's just not feasible for you. You have to understand that your experience does not mean it's the same for everyone

-Be respectful if someone doesn't want it. Maybe they'll attend in the future or maybe they won't and that's okay. It isn't the only form of help they can get for themselves. You can't expect people to be respectful of you or others if you(/they) want therapy if you're not willing to be respectful in return

Again, don't act morally superior. Don't mock them. Just don't. It's not right and it won't bring someone any closer to going so I don't know why someone would do it

-It just doesn't work for everyone and that's okay

Don't be the kind of person to push someone away from getting help (be that for the first time or again)

Sometimes we get so enthusiastic (/ protective) of something we believe in that we push people away by being narrow minded and that's what I see happening here

[zmediaoutlet]

Survey results time.

At time of downloading the data we got just over 300 responses, which is not bad for a survey that was long and complicated to take! I'm sure my shamelessness helped. Being a survey for a specific crowd, we also didn't get anyone (as far as I could tell) taking the survey in bad faith, which is a legit surprise. Special shout-out to the several people who, when asked to write literally anything to say they understood what was going on, wrote "literally anything"; additional shout-out to the person who wrote "penus and hole" (sic). You get it, anonymous person.

I'm going to share the top results for the questions here, but I'll also include the raw data as a sheet at the end in case anyone wants to actually go through it with a fine-tooth comb. This is not a survey where cute pie charts or graphs would be useful or readable, so get ready for some sweet-ass numbers:

Story Genre

Unsurprisingly, our leaderboard for most favorite story genre in the 'Anytime!' category is as follows:

Hurt/comfort (153 votes)

Angst (142 votes)

PWP (139 votes)

We just like the guys to get the shit beaten out of them, angstily, and then they can feel better by jerking off about it. The ideal evening.

The big loser in genre, with 34 buds flat out saying "not for me", was Dark!fic. That said, Dark!fic also got 112 votes (third highest) for "has to be JUST right," so we can probably take from there that while as a group we don't hate dark content, we have pretty strict definitions for a) what counts as dark, and b) what kind of dark we're willing to take.

Gencest/gen was arguably the most 'eh, idk?' of the genres, with respectable showings in every category from Anytime to No; most people don't hate it, but people aren't really seeking it out either. It's definitely There.

Story Setting

The winner of most 'Anytime!' votes for story setting is close to my heart; the podium is:

Bunker era (142 votes)

Canon-close, codas, etc (129 votes)

Pre-series/weechesters (126 votes)

It feels good to know that canon is on our side. This may help explain why various alternate universe settings didn't do so hot with the respondents -- the least fave according to this survey is an age!swap AU, followed by a raised apart!AU. Writers who are making Sam the big brother who lives in Cleveland while baby Dean lives in Seattle, you keep living your truth, but readers are rearing back.

That being said, while Canon Divergence isn't an overall winner, it has a full 149 votes in the 'Dig it' category; so, while we may generally prefer canon, we're willing to be led on a garden path away from it. We just want canon to be within shouting distance, at least.

Canonical Character Variants

Here's where the survey gets more complex. I've always been interested in how and why people are fandoming about things, and simple 'yes/no' surveys rarely dig into that meat. The point of the superego/ego/id separation is to really interrogate -- hey, do you like to read about (for example) soulless!Sam because you find it interesting on a high-minded level, or because your heart-strings are getting tugged even if you think it's kinda dumb, or just because it makes you so hornt-up you can't think straight? All are valid, and all are possible simultaneously, but it's interesting to prod at to see how the interest is working. You might also just be like, eh, it's fine, or GOD, STOP, and that's fine too. So, with all that said:

Superego winners:

demon powers!Sam (202 votes)

soulless!Sam (177 votes)

blood addict!Sam (160 votes)

Y'all like to really brain about how Sam is fucked up. I get it.

Ego winners:

Trials of Hell!Sam (186 votes)

blood addict!Sam (180 votes)

demon powers!Sam (161 votes)

Still all Sam, and no surprise that his saintly pale sleeplessness is winning the heartstrings battle.

Id winners:

demon!Dean (205 votes)

demon powers!Sam (175 votes)

blood addict!Sam (165 votes)

Again, no surprise: fandom girlies (gn) love their bad boys, lol. Soulless snuck in at #4 here with 163, presumably because working out still wearing a belt was juuuust dorky enough to kick him off the podium; #5 was Smith & Wesson at 162, probably because if they'd been left in that AU for ten more minutes they would have been fucking over the top of Dean Smith's desk. Glad we're all on the same page, there.

The nopes here were an interesting mix. In the full-on No Thank You category we had Michael!Dean and Gadreel!Sam (with 52 and 53 votes respectively) -- it would be interesting to know if that was due to dread of the storyline specifically, or just how No Bad Wrong it felt to have it happening. These two also led the 'meh' category, although they were joined on the podium of bad by Endverse!Dean (128 Meh votes), which frankly shocked me. Y'all aren't into his thigh holster? C'mon now. Sure, he murders his friends without compunction, but -- thigh holster!

Story Tropes

These ones were fascinatingly all over the place, which is exactly why I wanted to do this. Going to just run down the S/E/I podiums real quick, then 'Hard sell', then No --

Superego winners:

Outsider!POV (211)

Someone Finds Out (191)

Mental health issues (190)

Ego winners:

Mutual pining (252)

First time (242) AND Sick/injured (242)

First time in a long time (235)

Id winners:

Jealousy/possessiveness (224)

First time (218)

First time in a long time (180)

Now, part of what's interesting about these is how they fall off in other categories. Outsider POV wins handily at Superego with 211, but then drops all the way down to 92 votes at Id -- which isn't nothing, but clearly it's preferred to have a heckin' think about how other people view the incest relationship, rather than thinking it's just So Hot that people might. Similarly, while people do think it's so so hot for one brother or the other (or both!) to be possessive at 224 votes, when it comes to the superego that drops right down to 134 votes, presumably as the brain wakes up and goes RED FLAG!

Entering the land of no thank you, we shall have two anti-podiums:

Real hard sell:

Infidelity (127)

magic/powers!Dean (125)

Unrequited/no relationship upgrade (110) AND "Carver Edlund" fandom

This is a much more mixed bag. Infidelity and Unrequited are no surprise here, because it Feels Bad, Man; magic!Dean also not really a surprise, given that most of our respondents prefer being closer to canon, and Dean is very much our mundane buddy in the show as presented. (A delightful buddy, but a distinctly nonmagical one.) Carver Edlund fandom makes me laugh mostly because it's such a bananas thing to exist in the show. Sam and Dean reading big bang fics about each other? Collectively we just... don't know what to do with that. Weird.

Squick/No/Maybe one exception:

Permanent character death (140)

Infidelity (108)

Eating disorders (102)

Again, no surprise in the anti-winners of 1 or 2 here, but number 3 surprised me, personally. ED fic used to be a pretty big wedge of common tropes that people would seek out. Perhaps it's gotten less popular over the years? Or perhaps just that the people who like it REALLY like it and so chat about it out loud, while those who don't quietly bury it in sand, lo as a cat does with their leavings.

Most extreme delta in 'general interest' (whether that be S,E, or I) to 'ehh' (whether that be Hard Sell or Squick) is first time. Y'all loooove your first time.

Sexy Tropes, Vol. 1

This is where I really wanted to know if people could pull apart their interests between brain and heart and guts. Hopefully people were honest, as requested. Some of them we know are slight liar answers, because the hits on AO3 tell a story that can't be refuted -- nevertheless, here's what people were willing to admit to.

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Bedsharing (158)

Incest kink (139)

Size kink (133)

your friendly neighborhood survey creator is jumping up and down going 'wooo' that size kink made the podium. also I hope everyone understood that incest kink meant, like, indulging in the incest of it all via 'oh you're so totes my brother and i want to suck your dingle for that reason specifically', but I realize that could've been clearer.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

shameless bottom!Dean stuff (151)

switching (147)

voyeurism (138)

the first one here genuinely surprises me considering what I see getting written most often; is this a case of just not being in the right venn diagrams, or the 'easy sell' just not matching up with what people are being sold? Curiouser and curiouser.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

bad/awkward sex (120)

phone sex (114)

in [drug/alcohol] veritas (110)

edging into awkward town in a few ways here: we don't love these, but we can see how it'd be fun. or not fun, in the case of bad sex.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

always-another-gender!AU (84)

multiple Sams or Deans (73)

genderswap (magic) (72)

so, in general, we prefer to keep the penises around and intact, but just one Sam penis and one Dean penis, please. Here, I'm interested that the volume is much lower than in the top category: maxing out at 84 hard sells compared to 158 bulletproof options means that we're willing to give more of these tropes a chance, even if they're not our faves. How accepting we are!

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

always-another-gender!AU (83)

A/B/O elements (65)

multiple Sams or Deans (51)

strong overlap with the hard sell; and, keeping in mind that people were able to choose multiple options, it's possible that some of those were identical votes. Again, please keep the penises straightforward and only two at a time. A/B/O is interesting here, especially given what we know of how well it does on AO3; while it's a big squick for a lot of people, it also has decently high votes in bulletproof/easy, averaging 82 votes. Mixed bag!

Sexy Tropes Vol. 2, Electric Boogaloo

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Possessive/claiming sex (129)

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (116)

Hair pulling (103)

Let's glance back up at the Id winners in the story tropes above, hmm quietly to ourselves, and move on.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (135)

Hair pulling (130)

Possessive/claiming sex (121)

Well, that's boring. So let's expand so as not to be repetitive:

4. Dub-con (116) 5. Dom/sub (113) AND Underage (113) 6. Knifeplay (107)

There we go. Pretty easy to put all of those into one fic, too.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

Blindfolds (128)

Painplay (116)

Shibari/rope play (112)

We're starting to lose interest as accessories come into play. Interesting to compare D/s and its relative success against painplay -- so, tell him what to do, but don't hit him while you're doing it. Fair enough.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

Fucking machines (94)

Vore (80)

Mommy!kink (77)

Entertaining mix here, haha. General feasibility may be rearing its head here. (Also, for my own entertainment: daddy!kink got 67 Hard Sell votes. People generally prefer to keep it as horizontal incest, not vertical incest.)

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

Feederism (164)

Vore (161)

Extreme underage (157)

No surprises here, although some fans of the nibbly variety of wincest may be disappointed by vore's poor placement. Note also that 'extreme' is in the eye of the beholder; we'll leave aside value judgments, as we have for the whole survey, and note that people are not indulging in a version of underage they find to be personally past the line, or at least are not admitting to that.

At a glance, the closest matchup between bulletproof for some and a squick to others is bloodplay, with just 1 vote separating the two categories: 44 bulletproof, 43 squick. Next time someone tries to tell you that 'everyone' likes or doesn't like something, please take it with an entire shaker full of salt.

Dynamic & Position Preferences

I tried to encourage people not to think too hard about this one and just answer on instinct. Who knows if that worked. But here are some overview takes:

Toppy/dominant: Sam takes the lead here, with 69% of respondents being in the 'Love it!' category. Nice. (217 votes)

Dom Dean earned a respectable 52% of 'Love it!' votes (163).

However, I was also interested to check out the inverse --

subby!Sam: 44 'Very no thank' votes (13%) subby!Dean: 27 'Very no thank' votes (8%)

It's interesting to leap way back up and compare that against 'shameless bottom!Dean stuff' doing so well in the rated E categories. Makes you ponder.

Actual sex position: Frequently switching takes the win here, with 61% of the vote (194 votes). Sam always topping edges out if people must choose, with 144 votes; Dean always topping is our lowest choice, with 112.

Service!topping: this is a fairly niche fic type, but it does still exist -- I guess in a world of bottoms someone's got to actually get up and do something, and it is hilariously an almost perfectly even split:

service!top Sam: 50.17% (151 votes) service!top Dean: 51.50% (155 votes)

A healthy percentage of people said they didn't care about these questions either way, and more power to them. However, they were wildly outvoted by those who did.

Multishipping Time

Our final categories are when other people get their grubby hands on Sam or Dean, either canonically(ish) or in our fandom activities.

Canonical relationships for Sam

Jess wins, quelle surprise. :) 161 people Dug It and who can blame them.

Amelia LOSES, shocking no one: 112 people said Fuck That.

Eileen was definitely a mixed bag; her results, in order, were: Meh: 92; Fuck that: 76; Worse than meh: 66; Dug it: 44.

Canonical(ish) relationships for Dean

Note here: it was too unbalanced if we only went with people Dean officially dated. However, the show leaned hard into a few unrequited male relationships for him, which we included here, and no one sent me hate about it so I guess that was fine.

Benny wins the Love It! category with 129 votes, barely edging out Cassie at 122. Benny is best boy, so that fits.

Cas loses with a full 99 Fuck That votes, which is probably what we'd expect from a wincest survey. That said, he also got 93 Dug It votes, so it's a pretty balanced showing.

Poor Lisa sits firmly at Meh with 148 votes. It's not that we hate you, Lisa; we just don't really know what to do with you. Which is pretty much how the relationship went in the show.

Shipping Sam like FedEx

We returned to the S/E/I model for shipping as we did for tropes, because it means something very different to go 'oh sure, I can see how that would be interesting' vs saying 'I want them to fuck rawnasty and I don't care why they're doing it.' Apologies if I left out your favorite side-ship but, shit, there's only so much time in the day.

So, we return to the podiums:

Superego:

Ruby (132)

Rowena (121)

Cas (102)

Ego:

Rowena (121)

Cas (106)

Ruby (90)

Id:

Ruby (125)

John (121)

Rowena (118)

So that was going on sedately until Dad came in like a hammer. Fascinating. On the other hand:

No:

Lisa (234)

Donna (222)

Claire (219)

Interesting to me that these three are ladies that Sam theoretically could have got up in but people are not into it, regardless. This is slightly different to Dean's 'no' category -- spoilers for three inches of screen space!

Dean, Shipped by UPS

Superego:

John (129)

Benny (115)

Lisa (99)

Ego:

Benny (134)

John (116)

Lisa (102)

Id:

John (147)

Benny (128)

Crowley (114)

Well. That tells a slightly different story, ahem. Enjoy the various tropes that will be applied, Dean! And then we get:

No:

Amelia (245)

Kevin (223)

Gabriel (217)

Comparing to the Sam 'no' above -- these three are slightly more 'traditional' Sam ships, though the wincest shippers are nevertheless not into them for Sam, either. Dean literally never spoke to or saw Amelia on screen, so it'd be a determined shipper who'd make that happen. Not undoable, though!

Conclusion

Syke: there isn't one to be made. This really shows how diverse the taste is in the wincest community, or at least in the wincest community that a) happened to see this survey over the last five days and b) bothered to take it. This particular group leans slightly toward e.g. toppy Sam, or slightly toward switching, but when you look at raw numbers what you see is that at least one person LOVES every single one of these things, and at least one person fucking HATES every single one of these things, and so -- so what? Write what you want. If you see a niche of something that you love where you feel like not enough people are writing or reading, try to fill it. If you're worried "no one" will like it, well -- you're wrong. Someone will. It just needs to get seen by the right people.

That's where fandom comes in, to spread the love even if something isn't bulletproof for us -- reblogging a post to say, 'hey, my mutual made this thing, look at it!' What a joy it'd be if someone saw it and loved it to absolute shattering bits, and then found their little bulletproof community, and happiness was made. What's the point, if we're not making each other happy.

Thanks for participating if you did, and reading all this if you did. Here's a link to a google sheet (read only) with all the tables of raw data if you're interested. I'll post some of the more entertaining fill-in answers later.

s&d shipping survey results: November 1, 2023 - Google Sheets

[neyafromfrance95]

hey, i hope you don't mind but i kinda need to vent a little bit 😅

as a poc it's making really sad to see that "shipping vaultghoul is racist and erases maximus and barb" is such a prominent anti argument. i don't interact with these posts or these people (because i really don't want to waste my time) but it's like they don't hear themselves. maximus is a protagonist in his own right and has so much shit going on tat has nothing to do with lucy and while barb is a minor character, she's an activate member of a corporation that seeks to end the world for profit (and we get to see her own conflicts towards this) and not just cooper's wife. they're so much more than love interests but they need "special treatment" because their s/o are white 🙄

plus what is this narrow minded type of thinking where once you start to ship a couple all the other relationships become invalid? it's fiction ffs. no one is better than anyone and there's no such thing as a 'supreme ship'

i think the worst thing that came out of fallout shipping discourse is reducing maximus to a love interest of lucy when he is much, much more than that and as you said, a protagonist in his own right! like, can we stop only talking about him in the context of romance with lucy and hype him up as he deserves?! he is so complex and refreshing, he deserves more than being a talking point in a shipping discourse.

and while i mainly ship lucy x cooper, i'm fine with lucy x max and the majority of vaultghoul shippers are too. not to mention that max is like my ideal type of a dude, lol. i crushed on this man so hard while watching the show. so, those of us who ship vaultghoul do not dislike max or think he is boring (there is a difference between finding a character boring and finding his relationship with the other character a bit bland).

tbh, i hope max gets even more development and important storyline points in s2 so that maybe ppl will stop acting like he is just lucy's boyfriend.

and i think it's also weird to dismiss the possibility of max x dane when the representation this relationship could offer is very important. and as an enby myself it would be so validating for me to see the enby character paired up with the main dude (that again, i have a massive crush on).

also, i love barb and her relationship with cooper. she is a cool villain and her & cooper were a hot classy couple. tbh, it's just that ppl rarely get too shippy when it comes to the exes, especially when one is a very minor character. but i'm excited for whatever we get with her in the future.

in the end of the day, i hope the discourse (whether it is about cooper vs max for lucy, the age gap or the human x ghoul thing) won't get too heavy in this fandom bc it will ruin it and make our experiences here full of frustration instead of fun.

i'm personally all for multishipping lucy, the ghoul and maximus with everyone in this series.

[phroobin]

Yeah ya know a master post would be helpful if it wasn’t too much trouble for you sir. :3

Siffrin Cosplay Master Post

Before I start, here's a disclaimer: this is just what I did. I'm one singular cosplayer out of many and I am by no means an expert, nor are my methods the only way to cosplay Siffrin. I've seen so many other incredible interpretations, and they're all equally valid and cool, and you should seek advice from them, too!!! This master post is simply to help others if they need any advice, because I do get these questions a lot and people have asked for this master post!

✧ Hat and Cloak

I made both of these myself, so they're not bought from anywhere but I'm certain you can find someone who could make them on etsy! If you're wanting to attempt these yourself, I followed this tutorial for the hat and this tutorial for the cape and used a sewing machine to save myself from hand stitching everything.

I used this fabric in the colour ivory for both the hat and the cloak so that they match, and I chose it because it's a pretty heavy fabric so it hangs really nicely. If you're not based in the UK I've been told this link doesn't work so the fabric I used is 80% Polyester 18% Viscose 2% Elastane (though if you can't find this exact combination, something with similar makeup should do fine) and I believe it's called Softcoat Fabric. It does fray quite a lot so you probably want to get some fray check, or do a rolled hem to contain it! I went with the former option, as I didn't really fancy trying to do a rolled hem on a curve.

If you choose to use this fabric for a matching hat too, you'll need a decent amount of heavyweight iron on interfacing. The brim took 4 layers of it, and the cone shaped part took two so just be aware of that.

✧ The wig

My Siffrin wig is a combination of a couple of wigs that are sewn together to create his signature hairstyle.

I'm based in the UK and swear by a company called Coscraft, who are the company I bought my two wigs from. I chose their Super Maru wig (the curl patterns were what I was looking for for that messy look!) in both titanium blonde and natural black, and had to cut wefts out of the back parts of both wigs. Once that was done, then sewed the harvested black wig wefts into the back of white wig using a curved needle and a wig head. I then also glued, cut, and styled some longer wefts (one on each side) in the same titanium blonde colour into the front of my Sif wig to be their longer front pieces.

Essentially for something like Sif's hair where it's two toned, it's unlikely you'll be able to find a wig that's made with both colours so you sort of have to DIY the hell out of it! If you're looking for an easier method, you could always look at using synthetic dye on the under part of the white wig, or I believe I've seen some cosplayers in the past use sharpies to colour wig fibres.

Additionally, to style the bangs, I used this method to give texture and staying power before hairspraying everything into place with Got2B Glued Freezing Blast. At the very ends of the spikes, I used a little Uhu glue to keep the strands together.

✧ The eyepatch

Honestly folks, this one was just an amazon purchase. You just need to search for a black eyepatch, but my exact one was this one. At some point, I'll be sewing myself a new one because mine is slightly too big for my face and rides up a little bit but when I do that I'll link to a guide.

✧ Other clothing

I already owned the majority of this outfit, so no real recommendations. My black shirt is a long sleeved tee from Uniqlo. The exact one is actually a thermal shirt because it's the only one I own but I WILL be getting a light weight one so I don't sweat to death. My trousers are just black denim skinny jeans because I see Siffrin as having tiny little stick leggies and my boots (again, already owned - they're these shoes, in black) work best with them because they kinda blend together.

✧ The pins

I spent a LONG time looking for Siffrin's cloak pins. I was searching for oversized safety pins and realised quite quickly that the size wasn't right, and neither was the shape. I'm not going to tell you exactly which pins I bought because I spent a long, long time trying to find ones that looked like Siffrin's and I kinda like having this one thing that is maybe unique to my cosplay.

That said, I do have some advice!! Look for kilt pins!! They're large and heavy duty, and come in different styles! Finding this type of pin had a name was an absolute godsend, so hopefully this helps y'all find something similar!

✧ Additional things

I couldn't find a knife. I'm gonna have to eventually get someone to sculpt and 3D print one for me. If anyone in the ISAT fandom has these skills, hit me up. Same goes for a silver coin!!

I also have a little thigh holster bag (in tobacco brown) that I use when cosplaying Siffrin to keep props/my glasses/wallet etc in. It attaches to my belt (something I also wear when cosplaying Sif, as well as in regular life) and the thigh holster bag was originally bought for a motorbike journey I took with a friend, but it gives off a rogue vibe and I really like it as an additional, but not essential, part of my cosplay! I also actually use it a lot for my Astarion cosplay for the same reasons!

Anyway, I think that's everything. If you have any other questions, drop me an ask or comment here. Good luck, cosplayers!

[chelledoggo]

Okay, you've been going on this for 5 days now. I think that's enough "milking" this subject. You are so focused on it that you are falling again into the old pitfalls that you swore you would try and avoid. You've done this a lot on Twitter and you're doing the same thing again here and I know you're cross-platforming this stuff for attention at this point for more validation. And while I can understand wanting to seek it? This is the same cycle I saw you do a lot and you kinda need to take it down a few notches because here:

-You post something -You get negative feedback -You have a meltdown, declaring you’ll never post XYZ again because everyone hates you/etc. -You start to spiral into self-loathing -You start to say your worthless, evil, disgusting, etc. -You get anons from people to validate your emotions -You beat yourself for being this way -You start posting again until the next breakdown. You've done this for years now Chelle. Come on. Your seriously telling us you still haven't worked on yourself to handle these situations better? You're just going to keep doing this all then every time something negative happens? Where is the help you said you were getting for these responses and minding yourself more online or in fandom spaces? I'm not gonna beat around the bush and baby you like everyone else here. You're an adult. Already posting online? You're gonna find people who don't like what you draw. That's just it. No matter how wholesome of sfw your hypno art is? Not all people aren't going to be comfortable with it all. Some people like it, some people don't. Maybe for you it's something you like because it shows someone can relax and be vulnerable or whatever with someone? Others might see it as a submissive mind space because it takes a lot of trust to be into that. There are a lot of nuances to subjects be they Kink/fetish/hyperfixations/etc. That's just it. Art is an exploration of all these sorts of elements be you sfw or a nsfw artist. Fandom space or otherwise. In general? Hypno art toes a lot of lines that just it. How people respond to art is on them and you can't control it. There's nothing wrong if you're into whatever at whatever level. That being said, Chelle you need to just move on from this. There's nothing proactive or good if you keep repeating these same downward spirals every time "something" happens. You can feel upset about the "DNI" person or the one "fetish" commenter but in the end? You still got a lot of positive comments about your art and support so I don't see why you continue to keep talking about this subject that you've obviously gotten support for. I'm bringing this up though because as I said this is a cycle with you. IDK how many people followed you from Twitter to Tumblr to come out and say it besides me, but I've watched you enough to recognize this same pattern with you now and a part of me does wonder if you actually plan to get better at handling stuff or is just going to be something you don't grow out of every time "something" happens. I don't want to personally doubt you, but again it's a pattern you've done constantly and I would hope by bringing this up you realize you need to get out of this cycle, move on, and find better ways to be proactive. Again I'm not invalidating your feelings, but dwelling and going into negative spirals is not going to help you in the long run.

.

[atinylittlepain]

you know what, i've realized something. well, technically i realized it like a day ago, but now i'm actually accepting it - tumblr was a good thing for my writing until it became the absolutely worst thing for my writing.

good thing - at first, it plainly got me writing again, and a lot, like, mass volumes of words after i had sworn off writing for the rest of my life (i was dramatic and cynical at 18 let me live). and i got support for this writing, a pretty good deal of it, and that in turn built up my confidence that hey, maybe i could do this whole writer thing, for real. and then i did it for real, wrote a whole book that's now getting queried and yeah, that's pretty great.

worst thing - this site is a built-in validation machine, and that machine went out of order a long time ago. i came to expect this constant IV drip of dopamine, of likes and reblogs etc, and that becomes a real problem when suddenly people aren't really interested in reading what you're writing anymore. all of the assurance and confidence i had in my writing was based off how well fics (fics i say!! kinda cooky) were received on this silly little website, and now, i'm still relearning how to have faith in my writing when it's just between me, myself, and query submissions that often turn into rejections. jesus h christ, right? i got so used to my writing getting instant perception, and that's just not reality, not sustainable, and not a healthy writing habit to have if you're trying to do things outside of fic, which i am.

and fuck, that validation still feels good, and sometimes i flail around and seek it out again, and im met with the reminder that my writing isn't really what folks on here are looking for anymore, and then i just feel quiet and lame and thin. i just keep relearning this lesson and trying to get back to that insular relationship with writing where it's all and only for the sake of the story. maybe this time it will stick, hoping this time it will stick.

[jaguarhome]

When I ask questions, I see how dumb they are but then again I am aware of different thoughts, I think I need to ask again. Kinda needing validation.

Idk

What would the last advice you can give to anyone who has overconsumed and knows everything theoretically but not actually experientially...

I have been seeking an appearance change for a long time, being tall has been my ultimate desire but when I came to ND, everything literally was illusion. Right now, I'm seeking for myself because if I truly know myself then I won't have doubts for anything.

For I understand, I can't know/aware of anything without awareness, it's ever present but I don't see myself as awareness. I feel I'm not awareness. I need direct experience.

Am I just deluding myself because the thoughts deny that I'm not directly and always experiencing myself?

Pointers point to " " and I understand that without labels it's all empty but then again I feel like I'm seeking, I can't know myself. As if I have to seek more...

Are they just the thoughts?

The thing is that you are gathering all this information without giving any depth into it. Pond into this, find your own answer and deep into what this pointers mean, not what a blog think this pointers mean but what do YOU think this pointers mean.

You already know what you have to know.

My advice would be: stop relying on bloggers, stop reading about AV, start answering your own questions. You already got this

[is-your-blorbo-neurodivergent]

does he have borderline personality disorder and substance abuse disorder?

submit your own characters here to be featured!

reasons under the cut - tw for substance abuse

reason: Anxiety cause look at him. I know it's cause hes a coke addict, but those jitters and anxious stimming and constant sense of danger cant just be from the coke- he's just like that, all the time. Depression for similar-ish reasons, he's literally never content with his situation and almost definitely started seeking out drugs as a way to give him temporary joy or to make the numbness feel purposeful/in his control. Again, substance abuse disorder is basically canon- never explicitly stated but its HEAVILY implied that he's addicted to the drugs and alcohol he takes.

The psychosis isn't AS implied in canon, but its a pretty easy headcanon to come to when theres scenes of him manically talking to himself, talking himself through conversations, believing he's both above the law and that everyone is out to get him, etc. His canon paranoia could easily be interpreted as specifically psychotic/delusional paranoia (I also just personally kinda like the idea that he hallucinates sensations or voices? for no particular reason, I can just imagine it)

the BPD is cause he literally fits all the symptoms. Abandonment issues (severe ones- he hates his dad but is so fucking terrified of losing him or being hated back), impulsivity (cmon.), drastic mood swings (again- cmon.), none of his relationships are stable (even the one with his drug dealer-), complete lack of trust (other than... his drug dealer?), severe anger problems, even some vaguely suicidal behaviours and a SHIT TONNE of self-destructive behaviours.

He also definitely has something else going drastically wrong with his mental health (hes constantly seeking validation, is super erratic, has... just so much trauma, has violent outbursts, strange ideas of his own skills and how the world works, repetition of strange phrases (eg; "I'm a proactive type of person"), etc etc etc), but I don't know what it is, but the boy has so much illness in his brain- someone force him into therapy, I beg- or at least force him to actually medicate himself in a way that isn't just another avenue of self-destruction

*this character was also submitted for anxiety, depression, and psychosis. this was featured in the previous poll.

submitted by @rotteneldritchhorror

[michaelnotholden]

Hii! I hope you are doing well. Sooooo, I'm over the moon with sprolden and I feel I need more of them. Could you recommend some fics? Also, I'll love to hear your thoughts about they rls. I live to read analysis of them (only if you comfortable). thanks

Hiii!!

I don’t rlly have fanfic recommendations bc I haven’t read some in a looongg time but I would LOVE to give you my thoughts on sprolden/solitaire!

first of all I don’t think people really understand their dynamic in the right way. I usually see fans labelling them as a “golden retriever/black cat” duo, which is cute but that kinda just stereotypes them into a box… like;

There’s this depressed girl and a happy sunshine guy that comes and saves her life and makes her happy again!!

and this isn’t true, it’s literally in the book.

"I'm just some tool who's always turning up to stop you hating yourself so much." "That's wrong," I say. "That's completely wrong."

Tori and Michael are both completely lost in their lives they just show it differently!

Tori is a complete pessimist who hates herself and everything. She has self deprecating thoughts that make her unable to say the things she truly thinks. And bc she hates life so much, she doesn’t see the point. Not seeing the point in anything is distorting her life bc she cares so much. She is so caring and she feels guilty for not doing anything about it. She feels guilty for not helping others and deep down, herself. Anyways you get the jizz the girl is depressed asf and it shows.

Michael on the other hand is an optimist who is angry. He hates himself but he does have a somewhat better way of seeing life. I mean from an early age he understood he was different. (autism!!!!!!!!!) But he found comfort in skating and reading which helped him escape reality. Even though sometimes it was more damaging than helpful. Although we don’t know much about his home life we can only assume its not really healthy.. his parents are clearly not supportive of his speed skating career. He seeks out validation and that’s why he calls himself a "try hard". I think his self hatred was caused from all the bullying and his unsupportive parents.

And with this we can better understand why Michael was so quick to connect with Tori even thought they seem so different at first. Tori didn’t quite get attached to Michael so quickly but she did have that connection from the start. Michael felt it and that’s why he stuck around for so long. I needed her. He wanted friends so badly and he took the chance and ran (skated) with it. Even thought It was hard because Tori didn’t understand. that’s why she was always pushing him away. She couldn’t grasp the fact that someone cared and showed it. She couldn’t accept the love he was giving her because we accept the love we think we deserve. Michael at some point obviously got fed up with her and was like “You don’t see me as a person at all, do you?" Since he’s been alienated his whole life. That’s when Tori realized, Michael wasn’t just there trying to “cheer her up” he was there because he needed her! Just like how she needed him. When Higgs was burning down she was only thinking about him! She thought she had lost him and it was all for nothing. She was brought back to her late January self and she was scared that she would have to deal with it again but all alone this time. She had lost everything, her school, her best friends, and herself. On the roof she eventually had enough of the pain wanted to end it all. Her seeing Charlie,Becky,Nick and Lucas was one thing but seeing michael was another. It Must have been somewhat relieving but being perceived at her most vulnerable is terrifying! when talking to Michael she was at a lost of words fearing that Michaels opinion of her had changed. But it didn’t. Michael understood her and even confessed to his own problems.

“I pause. Suddenly understanding everything. This boy. This person. How has it taken me this long to understand? He needed me as much as I needed him, because he was angry, and he has always been angry. "You wanted the school to burn."

He chuckles again and rubs his eyes. "You do know me." And he's right. I do know him. Just because someone smiles doesn't mean that they're happy."

Anyways I got carried away and I really don’t know how to finish this SORRY😭

[pixeljade]

Okay so

I did some research and apparently this "tumblr is dying" thing is KINDA true

What it is is that, Automattic, the company that runs Tumblr, is moving all employees off of tumblr and onto other places. Some are saying this means they have a "skeleton crew" running it, but there's more.

Apparently Automattic ALSO just posted about job openings at Tumblr! So what the heck right?

The way I interpret this is that Atumattic isnt writing off Tumblr yet, but they're changing the management of it in hopes of making it profitable. Which means whats coming most likely isnt Tumblr getting taken down...but instead, Tumblr becoming EVEN MORE like other social media sites. Something I've been predicting for years; after all, to corporate upper management, they see our user numbers (which are still quite significant), and the lack of profits, as a failure to monetize properly. Which is why i WAS against all this "dont give Tumblr money they suck lol", not because they didnt suck...but because it can get a whole lot worse. But again, in search of a great thing, we squandered a good thing. Such is how capitalism works; if you cant pay the tithe for mediocrity then they will make it worse and enforce the tithe MORE. Capitalism never seeks greatness, it only seeks control. I do understand the completely valid hatred of the management Tumblr had, but trying to make it perfect was always a fucking fantasy. No matter how much you withhold your pay, they can always replace you with people who wont.

Anyways. I'll probably stay here unless it gets controlled by republican loonies. If it DOES get controlled by them, well, you can find me on Bluesky. I'm also gonna start back up on Instagram I guess. But both of those are going to be for business/art. Socially, well. No place left to shitpost in a way i enjoy, i'll probably try to get more into discord, where my name is pixeljade, same as here. I guess.

Honestly i'm hoping forums, and other independent online spaces come back. I'm sick of corporations. I hope every corporation explodes and dies. They only seek greater control in desperation to please their bloodsucking shareholders. Death to capitalism.