#And for rose i mean obviously like. shes pregnant in this game. but its got a bigger meaning for the plot and for raiden specifically

[soybean-official]

The parts of you that support me

[the-broken-truth]

Hey um if requests are open could you do house dimestrecu headcanons with a 👦🏻 reader maybe where the reader is alcina's biological son perhaps how the girls would be with an older brother sibling rivalry and stuff like that

Broken Truth: I smell drama! Let the words weave together!!

The Son of Castle Dimitrescu

"Mother, we brought you fresh prey." Bela said as she and her sisters drop the cloaked man on the ground behind the Lady's Grand Chair.

"Once again, my daughters are tending to my needs; so kind." Alcina said as she placed her wine glass down. "Let's take a look at them." She rose from her seat and looked down at the cloaked figure, obviously in pain.

"What is this, Daughters?" Alcina asked as she walked closer to the groaning figure - obviously male from the deep pitch of voice.

"We found him struggling to get to the castle - he kept muttering to himself." Bela said.

"He was obviously in pain but he really wanted to get here," Cassandra said as she kneeled by the downed man and grabbed the back of his hood tightly - catching his hair too. "Must really wanted to die."

"Ngh...Gah...M...M...Mother..." The man groaned but Cassandra scoffed before throwing his head to the ground - slitting the side of his head open.

"Ha, so pathetic - it's calling for its mother." Dani laughed when the smell of blood hit their noses. "Mmmm... He smells good. Do you want the first bite, Mother?" She asked.

Silence.

"Mother?" She asked again as she looked up at the tall woman...and the stunned look on her face - pure disbelief.

"Impossible...There's no way..." Alcina said as she sniffed the smell of blood again - it was familiar...far too familiar for her to be mistaken. She kneeled to the ground and gathered the man in her hands before yanking his hood off - her face gave a shattered expression when she took in his features.

"[Y/N]?" Her voice came as a whimpering whisper, she looked as if she was going to cry. The man opened his eyes - piercing golden eyes - and looked into Alcina's before smiling weakly and reaching out of her.

"M...Mo...Mother..." He said before his hand fell to the ground and his awareness was pulled to the back of his mind.

"[Y/N]? [Y/N]?! STAY AWAKE, MOTHER'S HERE! MOTHER'S GOT YOU NOW!" Alcina panicked as she gathered the man into her hands and ran out of the room, calling to the closest maid to get the doctor to the Old Master's Room.

The sisters just stood there confused for a few moments before they followed their mother and the man who was supposed to be their dinner.

[An Hour or So Later]

"How is he?" Alcina asked the doctor as she came out of the room with her mask on her face.

"He's very weak and malnourished, not to mention all of the scars and insection marks on his body. Wherever he's been for the past decades shows that he wasn't treated well and was used as a lab rat." The doctor explained.

"When will he wake up?" Alcina asked.

"Judging by the bags under his eyes and the paleness of his skin, he hasn't been able to get a proper night's rest - he might be asleep for a few hours or even days, but when he does wake up, he'll need a proper meal to get his weight back up." The doctor explained.

"Thank you, you may leave now." Alcina gave a dismissive wave of her hand and the doctor walked away as Alcina opened the door and walked. The entire time - the Dimitrescu Sisters were standing behind their mother, completely confused as to what was going on and why their mother was taking care of the food. They looked at each other before nodding and following their mother inside the room.

Here's the thing - throughout their entire lives living in this grand castle, they have never once been in this room; it remained locked for as long as they remembered and their mother kept the key close. When asked about the room, Alcina would get defensive and explain that the room was never to be opened - and if it was opened for any reason, there would be horrible punishments.

The first time they saw the room - it was grand: The walls were covered in Royal Blue Velvet with dark Ebony trims along the walks, the rug was large and circular - black with the Dimitrescu Crest in white in the center, the bed was against the wall with dark blue blankets and sheets, around the room was black wooden dressed and along the walls were different kinds of blades - from knives to full-blown dragon-head spears.

Bela walked over to her mother - her sisters following behind her - and looked as her mother eyed the sleeping figure of the man who rested in the bed with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"Mother..." Bela tried to find the right words, "Mother, who is he? Why are you crying for him? Who is he to you?" Bela asked. Alcina wiped her tears before turning to face her 3 daughters.

"He...This man is someone very important to me. Someone I lost a long time ago before I met you, my wonderful daughters." Alcina said in the chair at the dresser - it was strong enough to hold her weight. "As you all know - I have a blood disease and it made it hard for me; one main issue I had was that I couldn't birth my own children...or so I thought." Alcina gave a sad smile.

"What do you mean 'or so you thought'?" Cassandra asked.

"There was a time, around the time I met Mother Miranda, that I found I was pregnant - I didn't believe it until I began seeing the results of pregnancy. I thought I would lose the baby, just as I had lost all my others but...I didn't. The baby was born healthy - it as a miracle that it didn't inherit my blood disease; it was strong...just like his father." Alcina smiled sadly.

"His Father?" Bela asked before her eyes widened in realization, "Mother...you don't mean..." Alcina nodded.

"Yes, that man is [Y/N] Dimitrescu - The Son of House Dimitrescu." Alcina smiled and looked at her sleeping son but the daughters...they could be more afraid.

[A Month Later]

Once [Y/N] opened his eyes, Alcina was all over him, babying him just as she did before he was taken away from her when he was a toddler - she tried asking him where he was for all that time but it made him whimper, he couldn't even be touched without flinching. His right leg experienced a deformity and Alcina gifted him a cane to aid him in getting his mobility back.

Whenever he would move, Alcina was right by him.

When he needed something, Alcina would be the one to get it.

When he was hungry, Alcina would personally demand the best food for her son.

When it was dinnertime, Alcina insisted that he'd sit beside her, which was Bela's spot.

Alcina would do anything and everything for her son - and the girls didn't like it.

They would try anything to get their mother's attention but nothing seemed to work.

Bela managed to get her mother a rare vintage - she shared with [Y/N].

Cassandra managed to hunt down large game for her mother - it was overlooked while she dined with [Y/N]

Daniela made her other a painting - it wasn't even looked at for Alcina was watching [Y/N] read.

The girls hated their older brother.

They didn't even see him as their brother - just an old burden that should have stayed gone.

He took their mother from them and he was going to pay for it. Dearly.

One day - Alcina had left for a House Meeting; [Y/N] begged her not to bring up the fact he turned to the castle in the meeting - it was a strange request but she agreed and left for the meeting. The moment she was gone, [Y/N] began to hobble in a random direction on his cane before it was suddenly kicked from under his hand, making him fall onto the cold hard tile.

"Look at this, sisters; the little thief without someone to protect him." The voice of Bela stood over him as she placed her foot on his back - her heel in his spine.

"We've been waiting a long time for this, you bastard." Cassandra said as she walked into the room with her sickle in her hand - the sight of the tip made the golden-eyed man freak out and try to crawl away.

"Oh, look. He knows he gonna die and he's trying to scurry away." Daniela said as she kicked the man in his side, making him curl in pain.

"No! Please, no more! Leave me alone!" He cried in fear.

"No more?! We haven't even done anything to you yet, rat!" Bela yelled.

"But you've done so much to us - taking our mother from us?! Have you lost your damn mind, Man-Thing?!" Daniela yelled.

"No, Mother, please don't! Mother! Mother!" He cried again.

"Mother isn't here to save you now but you're gonna suffer for all the time you spent with her, taking her away from us, you useless burden!" Cassandra raised her weapon and was about to strike when the words that came out of his mouth made them freeze.

"No, Mother Miranda; please don't hurt me! I'll be a good boy, just please, no more needles! No more pain! I won't ask to see my sisters again, please don't hurt me!" He curled up, clenching his head in pain as memories flooded back into his mind.

"Mother Miranda?" Bela asked.

"Needles and pain?" Cassandra said.

"His sisters?" Dani finished.

Bela took her foot off the man's back and listened to his pleads - his begging not to be hurt, wanting to see his mother, wanting to see his sisters. They looked at each mother before Bela kneeled on the ground before him and gathered his face in her hands, silencing him and asked what he was talking about. Once he calmed - he explained everything:

When he was a toddler - his father took him to see the Village's Priest, Mother Miranda, who gave him a large pouch of coin and he was never seen again. Mother Miranda then began to run experiments on him, trying to determine what made it possible for him not to inherit Alcina's Blood Disease. She mixed his blood with the Cadou and found an interesting symbiotic relationship between the two and was kept there for further experiments. The Cadou gave him the ability to regenerate faster but broken bones were harder to heal with the power. After decades of being a lab rat - he watched as Miranda made the daughters right before his eyes; he was there when they came to life and he called them sisters before Alcina called them daughters. He begged Miranda to see them, talk to them, and know something beyond the walls of his cell, but all Miranda did was cut him open and harvest his organs while he was still awake.

He managed to escape when Miranda was distracted with another experiment and left her keys unattended - he let himself out under the cover out night and got away from that hellhole. He had been limping with a broken leg, missing organs that were still regrowing themself, just to get to Castle Dimitrescu to see his mother & sisters.

The Daughters looked ashamed - for him to go through all of this for decades and risk everything to be with them...they were horrible sisters. They held him and begged for his forgiveness but all he could do was cry as he finally had sisters and was able to learn their names.

When Alcina came back - she wanted to spend time with her children but it turned out that the sisters wanted alone time with their brother and she was shooed out of the room - guess she'll have some wine until dinner then.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #401

“my love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses”

Do you typically do your makeup the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? IF I wear makeup, it's essentially always the same. Who is the last person you were in a room with just the two of you? What were you doing? Yesterday with Mom. We were trying to find the best deal on Eco Earth, a substrate we're getting for Venus. What was the last really good book you read, and what was it about? If we're talking REALLY good book, then The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. In short summary, it's a dystopian future novel where women are now basically just objects used only for repopulation, even having their names stripped from them. They follow very strict rules as society has returned to horrible misogyny. As a woman, the "oh my god, this is possible" aspect of it is terrifying, and it causes such a sense of disgust and urge to ensure women rights always continue to be fought for. Do you feel safe in your country? For the most part, I'd say. I guess. There are places I'd feel safer, though. How many meals do you eat a day? Three. Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No, but I was supposed to my senior year in high school; the seniors at my dance studio were always welcome to do a solo in celebration. Mine was a modern dance to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson, wanting to tell a story about depression and how being medicated could feel, but I eventually decided like halfway through learning the choreography that I was just too nervous to do a solo. Have you ever sung a solo? No. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Do you own a designer purse? Definitely not. I'm not wasting that much money on something like that. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Apparently, Jason and I had a baby in high school even though I was obviously never pregnant. To my knowledge, it was started by his ex. Who is now a good friend of mine lmaooo. Life is funny. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up? Pokemon, of course. Would you ever have an affair? Nope. Would you ever have a one night stand? Nope. Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Legalize it, but treat it similarly to alcohol in that driving under the influence is illegal and punishable, and I believe you should be of a certain age. How about abortion? I am pro-choice. I was pro-life most of my own life, but now I am very firm about a mother being able to choose if she wants to endure a pregnancy or not. Like, that is a MASSIVE life event that almost inevitably changes - and sometimes traumatizes - people. I do believe a fetus is its own body and not part of the mother's, but rather in the mother's, but the belief that a woman decides what she wants in her body is her choice, too. I'm not very fond of people treating abortion as a simple, regular form of birth control, like it's nothing but an "lol whoops," but I still believe it is ultimately her decision, and she should always be free of judgment for doing what is best for her. Do you wear skirts or dresses more often? Neither. I wouldn't dare wear a skirt more so, though. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? There should always be an expected minimum, imo, unless the person was truly, sincerely, genuinely fucking awful. Waiters do not have an easy job, fight me about it, and they're just trying to survive while putting on a happy, jovial face, all the while dealing with hungry people who can be such assholes. I believe the actual tip should relate to actual service, but again, give them something. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? One, absolutely. The other would take a shitload of consideration and proper communication on his part. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? No, because I don't like coffee. Do you usually befriend your coworkers, or do you prefer to keep work separate from your personal life? IF I had a job, I'd like to build a friendship with those I have to engage with almost every day. What is something you frequently forget? Dates, ages, names, what I was about to do five seconds before I forgot... Pretty much everything. My memory is frightfully poor. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? In my bed. Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Both; my parents split when I was somewhere around 17, though, but I'd say there wasn't much more "raising" to do at that age. Have you ever stolen anything? If so, why? No. Have you ever plagiarized someone else's work? Hell no. What's your most-used mode of transportation? My mom's car. Have you ever taught someone else a useful skill? Not to my recollection. Does seeing everyone else's 'perfect lives' posted on social media ever bring you down or affect how you feel about yourself? It actually does, honestly. Not ALWAYS, but if I'm being honest, it does most of the time. I've contemplated deleting Facebook for that reason, but with is also comes things that make me happy, and I think I'd feel even more isolated without it. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? This is SO impossible for me to answer. I loooove Hostess and Little Debbie treats. I want to say honeybuns, but I also love those chocolate cupcakes with the white swirls on top, as well as Twinkies. Very few exist that I don't like. Do you/your family buy loafs from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? We just buy bagged bread. What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? My APAP mask is definitively WORKING!!!!! :') Mom got an app that connects to the machine via Bluetooth that monitors the effectiveness of the mask, evaluating many factors of your sleep, and it's detecting a definite decrease in disruptive behaviors or something like that. It is so, SO encouraging to know that. ^And, the worst? Hm. Oh, probably some news on something serious a good friend is going through, but I don't feel it's my right to disclose what. It's just a very worrying and potentially dangerous issue that I wish I could help her with. Would you rather receive (or give) flowers, chocolates or jewelry? I'd appreciate any, but my fat ass is drawn to the chocolate, ha ha. What *I* would give would vary depending on what the person liked. How do you feel about coconut? Smells lovely, but is otherwise gross. ^ Ever cracked one open? No, but omg I've always wanted to, haha. What’s the best thing about being your gender? I guess the fact it's more "normal" and "accepted" to show our emotions. Fuck that generalization, though. I don't give a shit what your gender is, you experiencing emotions is NORMAL and welcomed to be expressed. ^ And the worst thing? The ability to be raped and impregnated by it. Do you do your part to save the earth? I don't do nearly enough. :/ We recycle, but that's about it. Well, none of us DARE to litter either, but I still don't feel like it's as much as the earth deserves from its denizens. Who do you think should have their portrait on a bill? I don't know or care. Why did you last feel exhausted? Yesterday was my niece's birthday, and I spent essentially ALL day playing with her and her brother. I have a very limited battery when it comes to kids, and I was running on empty for hours. My anxiety was SO high and I really needed a break from them, but they're too young to really understand that Aunt Britt can only socially run for so long before I'm completely burnt out, and TRUST ME, I was there for sure. I didn't want them to think they did something wrong, you know? I just had to keep going. I slept like a baby last night though for sure, haha. Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way? Wow, no. Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you? No. Who did you last worry about and why? Sara for health reasons. Are you currently looking for a new place to live? Not actively, but Mom and I definitely want to move. We feel very out-of-place here in the suburbs. Which would you prefer as a view; mountains or the sea? Mountains. Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) Yes. I canNOT play games with a trackpad. Do you apologize a lot? Extremely excessively. When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? In that case, probably the venue. Being a photography buff, I want a place I think is really pretty to have pictures taken. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting, my weight, and being hot. Do you have anything planned for the summer? Nope, and that's fine with me. I'd rather stay inside away from the heat. Who usually makes dinner in your household? My ma. Do you have a blog? Just on Tumblr. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mother does because of gerd, and at least when my father still lived with us, he snored super loud, too. Do you want to fix anything with anyone? Yeah, a few people. What shows do you watch? Right now, only Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Whenever The Edge of Sleep comes out, I will 110% be watching that, too, because Mark is a key actor in it. :') Plus the concept seems super cool. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know. Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? Me mum. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone specific? No, given it has like... one lyric, haha. Do you own any TV show soundtracks? No. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? I mean I guess sign myself in at the doctor's. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? Oh my god, there's a candid one I got of Mom laughing when she was posing as my subject for a photography assignment, and I cherish it with ALL my heart. I want to share it with essentially the whole world, but yeah, I'm not gonna put my mom's picture here. As for my dad, I like this one I took of us at Red Lobster for his birthday a year or two back. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. Favorite flavor of cream cheese? Regular. What US state would you like to visit? Alaska. Last meal you made yourself? I put a chicken pesto thing in the microwave earlier for dinner.

[gloriousprofessorhan]

blue flowers

it was a fun game until she’s gone.

re-upload ‘blue flowers’ from AFF 2019

“Babe, where are you?”

“On my way back home.” He said.

“I called you.”

“I know, I know, I was busy with all people who trying to be chatty with me.”

“Replying my message would only cost you less than one minute!” 

You hear a low grunt from the other line.

“Oh, you’re annoyed? You’re annoyed because I’m nagging while you were gone MIA for two days?”

“I wasn’t MIA, ok? Yesterday I was on the plane from Dubai, and today I was on a big meeting and I told you I’s have a charity party at night. You know how is it at the party. People trying to talk to me and I can’t be seen being busy with my phoen just because my girlfriend is too clingy.”

You paused, now he thinks you’re clingy.

“Alright, good night.” You hang the call, there’s no need to continue the argument, he would never pamper you anyway. Then you saw at your wrist, your smart watch is showing a blue flower, an icon to remind you to breathe.

And you breathe.

-

It was the summer party your parents made in your summer house. Many colleagues and family friends are invited, and you’re being introduced by one of your cousin to this young businessman, got an adorable smile, quite chatty, and handsome as hell.

You two very quick got into a deeper talk that night, you’re captured by how this guy got everything in a perfect amount. To be honest, as the daughter of a rich businessman, you’re tired of guys who treat you like a fine china. And after few dates, and two kisses, you two decided to date exclussively.

Baekhyun sighs when you hang up the phonecall, he’s looking at someone sitting across him at the lounge. Still at the charity party.

“Why you’re lying?” she asked. She’s Jieun, a client turned to friend. You knew her but never met her, Baekhyun also not very close to her but she seems to like talking to Baekhyun in any occassion. Hopely only like to talk to him because he’s such a smart guy, not into something more.

Baekhyun shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know why I’m lying…”

“Will she be mad if she knew you’re still at the party?”

“I just want her to stop asking where am I.”

“She’ll stop asking when you give her answer.” She said again.

Baekhyun sip his champagne. 

“Why are you being like this?” she asked.

“I don’t know… maybe I’m just bored, I need a getaway.” He replied.

“Then ask her to go on a weekend short getaway with you.”

He scoffed, “his parents are too old fashioned to let her go on a vacation with his boyfriend.”

“Really??”

“Yeah… they’re a strict family.” Baekhyun swirl the glass, “I mean, she can go on a vacation with me but not only two of us.”

“Oh, like family retreat?” she chcukles.

Baekhyun laughs, “silly, right? What are they afraid of? That me and my grilfriend would sleep in the same room doing whatever couples do?” he scoffing again, “if we want to do that, we don’t have to go on a vacation, fool, I’m just gonna invite her to my house and problem solved.”

“But, is it really the problem? Mean that you never slept with her before?”

Baekhyun snickered, “of course I had! I told you, there’s no use on watching us during holiday, because we’ve done sex if that’s what her family was anxious about.”

“Is her family religious?”

“I don’t think so... they’re just afraid that I’d impregnant her before marriage. Because they don’t want to be embarassed by that…”

“What so embarassing by being pregnant?”

“Ask those old money, they’re somehow a little narrow minded.” he scoffed.

“And that makes you love her less?”

“I love her, but she couldn’t decide anything on her own!” he emptied his glass.

They both enjoying another glass of champagne, with him ignoring the buzzing from his cellphone, and her accompanying him through the rest of the event.

“Baekhyun…” she said, her voice is lower and huskier than before, “if you need a getaway, you can go with me… we can go to a resort on a beach for one night or two… I promised you it’s gonna be a relaxing getaway for you…”

-

He came to your house with the smile you always love and the flowers in his hand.

“Hey…” he said.

You let him step into your house and let him following you to the kitchen. The big house looks empty so he asked,

“Where’s everyone?”

“Dad’s at his office obviously, mom going abroad. No sibling because I’m the only child in case you forgot.” You shortly replied.

“You’re being sarcastic.” He pouts, “I’m sorry...”

“For?”

“For neglecting your calls last night, I was go straight to sleep because I’m exhausted.” He gave you a hug.

You pour him a drink before you two talking at the backyard.

“Wanna go somewhere? Movie or dinner?” he asked.

“Now?”

“Uh hum…”

“I can’t, I have to study for a test.”

“What test? As far as I know you’re graduated from college.” Baekhyun tilr his head.

“I’m going to work at dad’s company, and he doesn’t want me to get in there just because I’m his daughter, he wants me to take proper tests.”

“Whoa… so you’re gonna study in your room later?”

You nodded.

“Why don’t you go study now, I can come with you, accompanying you…” he smirks.

“Upstairs?”

He cheekily nodded, and then leaning to whispers, “I wanna be alone with you.”

Of course the study never happened because now you’re under him, hugging his waist with your leg, breathing heavily while you got pumping down there. His mouth keep searching for places to kiss while you grab his hand harder when you feel the intense tickling feeling bubbling on you lower stomach.

“I’m coming, babe.” You grunts and he smirks.

“Want me to go harder?”

“Uh-huh, uh huh… uh yess…”

He kissed you when your body shaking and your leg gave up from hugging him.

He sleeps on the bed while you’re reading some notes, his cellphone buzzing on the table several times, and since it’s close to you, you can read the preview.

Jieun: what you doing?

You creased your eyebrows, “Why would she text Baekhyun?” then you remember she was his client, “maybe they have another project together?” you’re trying to think positively.

-

“Baekhyun!”

he turned and saw a girl, “Hyeji?” 

“Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here!” they were at the lobby of a luxurious junction which has a fine dining area, laid back lounge and a night club upstairs.

“Me too.” He smiles, “I’m just finishing a meeting. So, how are you?” he rose and give the girl a light hug.

“Fine. Never better!”

Baekhyun saw a ring on her finger, “and engaged?”

She shyly chuckles, “yup.”

“I can’t believe one of my ex going to settle down soon!”

Hyeji giggles, “fun fact, I dated my fiance for less than a year before he’s on one knee.”

“That soon?”

Hyeji grinning, “it doesn’t take long to realise that he’s the one, really!”

Baekhyun smiles, Hyeji is one of girlfriend he adores when they were still together. She’s a hardworker, it’s just their living class which way different. Baekhyun came from wealthy family just like you. Moreover, he’s witty self let him being a multimillionaire in young age. While Hyeji has to work extra hard to pay for school and living. Even if Baekhyun told her that he’d cover everything for her, seems like Hyeji has a different way of thinking which made them argue all the time.

“I’m happy for you.” He said.

She smiles.

“So when is the wedding?”

“Next month.” She replied, “so… how are you?”

Baekhyun shrugged, “as you can see.”

“You aren’t change much.” Hyeji said.

“Hope I’m not.”

“What about girlfriend, or fiance maybe? Or maybe a wife??”

Baekhyun laughs, “I have a girlfriend.”

“Cool, tell me more about her.” 

“Have a seat.” Baekhyun sat and Hyeji sat across him.

“So, who’s this unlucky girl?”

Baekhyun laughs, “right, she’s unlucky because she fell for a guy like me, but I kind of lucky because she met all my expectation about being a girlfriend, or maybe a future wife?”

“Aww, Byun Baekhyun thinking about settling down?”

He laughs again.

“She came from a rich family like you?”

Baekhyun nodded.

“See? It’s easy if its meant to be.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Hyeji were there for her bachelorette party and somehow Baekhyun was suddenly invited, the party wasn’t wild, but everyone is partying and drinking, and at some point they were dancing. Just two of them, inside a crowd of strangers.

“I was still in love with you when we broke up.” Hyeji said.

Baekhyun smiles, thin and sweet, “do you think I wasn’t?”

“Don’t lie, I was the one loving you so much while you always had your eyes on that girl… your colleague daughter.”

Baekhyun chuckles, “fun fact, she’s my grilfriend now.”

“Seriously??”

“Yeah…” he smuggly smiling.

“Damn you Baekhyun, you’re really in love with this girl, aren’t you?”

“Told ya, I’m so lucky that she finally mine.”

“Marry her.”

“I will, one day…” he smirks.

And she smiles.

“God, your smile is still captivating.”

“Baek…”

“One last kiss won’t hurt your fiance’s feeling I guess?”

“Wouldn’t it hurt your girlfriend?” she asked.

“She doesn’t have to know…” and he tilt his head, kissing her passionately.

-

Baekhyun thanked God he didn’t wake up beside his ex-girlfriend, instead he was home, and you were there.

“Baby…” he groaned while stretched out.

“A girl called me from your phone last night, no, this dawn, because you passed out in a club. Lucky that mom and dad aren’t home.” You said, “I drove at 3 to picked you up… Gosh, Baekhyun…”

he sat up and reach your waist, “this is why I fucking love you…” he snuggles further to your neck. “I love you…” he murmured.

“Stop it…” you don’t feel good when he keeps saying those words because you know he must keeping something from you, an dthinking of how he was wasted at a club really bother your mind right now.

“Who was the girl who called me last night?”

Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder, “a nice stranger?”

You never satisfied with this kind of answer but you know more question means arguments and you knew where it goes, you have no energy for that. Not after hundred of arguments about the same cause. You feel your smart watch buzing and the blue flower forming. You’re breathing following the movements of the petals.

“You still using that breathing app?” he asked.

You briefly nodded.

“Breathing is automatic, babe, why you even need that?”

“Sometimes it’s suffocating.”

“Why? Because of me?”

“Not particularly, but it’s nice when something remind you to breathe, to relax… reminding you that you’re alive.”

He paused, but his eyes looking at you, “Hey, let’s go somewhere since your parents aren’t in town.” Baekhyun pull away a bit to see you face.

“Like where?”

“To my beach house?”

“But it’s not summer.”

“Who cares? I just need to be with you.” He pulls you to his arms, let you cuddled up inside his embrace.

Jieun: [picture]

Jieun: check that out.

“Who’s that?” you asked.

“Jieun.”

“I saw her texting you all the time. Do you have a new project with her?”

Baekhyun humming, “yeah…”

“What project?”

“Uh, long story, I’ll tell you only if you agree to stay with me at my beach house tonight.” Baekhyun still busy with his cellphone.

“I can’t, I stayed out last night because of you, remember? I can’t stay out everyday.”

He pouts, “come on… don’t you wanna be with me?”

“You know how to be with me all the time…” you said.

“I know, I know,” he smiles, he took the hints perfectly all the time. You just want him to say those words, to ask you to marry him, but he’s never ready.

“What keeping you from saying it to me?” you asked, “am I not good enough?”

“Babe, come on…” he hugs you again, “don’t make me sad.”

“You’re the one who make me sad.”

“Okay, okay, give me just a little more time.” He said, “not to convince my heart, because I can’t think of anyone else to be my wife beside you, but a little more time to plan where, when, and how I’d ask you… I promise you it’s gonna be astounding.”

-

Baekhyun called you yesterday telling you that he has to go to Singapore for a business trip, he’ll be back on Saturday. And you haven’t heard from him since last night.

“Girlfriend again?” Jieun asked. She was in a bathrobe stepping out from the bathroom.

He was in Jeju with her. The text she sent was the resort she said she wants to go and Baekhyun booked a room for them.

“Uh huh.” He type a message.

“Why don’t you just broke up with her and be with me?”

“I can’t, I love her.”

“But you did this to her??”

Baekhyun smirks, “I’m going to propose her after I come back from here.”

“You wh-???””

Baekhyun sighs, “I promise myself that I’d stop all the game after this. I’m going to focus on her only. She’s the only one I could ever think of being the one.”

“You really turn me off.” Jieun rolled her eyes.

Baekhyun snickered, “really? Let me check if you really aren’t wet for me, miss.”

-

You went inside this famous bakery in town, buying some pastries when someone called you.

She bowed and you realised that she’s Baekhyun’s secretary.

“I thought you’re still in Jeju, miss.” She said.

“In Jeju? Baekhyun is in Jeju now?”

The secretary hesitantly nodded.

“Isn’t he in Singapore now?”

She seems pale.

“Hey, hey it’s fine,” you said, “I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding. But why did you think I’m in Jeju with him now?”

“Uh, yes, miss, because mr. Byun bought two tickets to Jeju and he booked a resort there.” She said.

“Oh…”

“I’m—“

“Hey, it’s fine.” You smiles, “I know about the resort, I think he bought that as a surprise for me… and you just ruined it.” You playfully winked.

As someone who taught to always held your head high even in a critical situation, you know you can’t be seen fooled by anyone, especially your own boyfriend.

But you cried in the car and your smart watch buzzing again and the blue flower showed up.

-

“NOW YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHO WAS WITH YOU!!” you shouts at him on the day he appeared in front of you on Saturday night, the day he said he was just landed from Singapore.

“Babe?”

“I know you were in Jeju, you bastard!!”

“I was—babe, I can explain.”

“Yeah you should be, now explain!!”

“It was a surprise present for a friend.”

“Who?”

“Junmyeon, for his honeymoon.” He said.

“Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun, I can call Junmeyon now!” you yelled, how silly was the reason, Junmyeon hasn’t even got married to anyone and it boiled your blood even more.

“Babe…”

“Stop using your friend to keep lying to me, Baek!!”

“Argh! Listen to me!!” he grunts.

“I am not listening if you still thinking of lying to my face!”

“Okay, I’m sorry! I lied to you, I was with Jieun.”

You stop, your whole world stop spinning, you can’t believe what he just said. “y-you  were with Jieun…?”

He’s gazing at the marbled floor, “I’m sorry, I was… I was wrong…”

“You’re… you’re cheating on me…?? Baekhyun?” tears rolled down, you didn’t even notice it.

“Baby, I promise you it’lll never happen again! I swear it was a mistake I’d never repeat!!”

You didn’t say anything for a moment, trying to make up your mind.

Byun bakehyun, your boyfriend fro 2 years, lying to you. And you sure that wasn’t the first time.

“Babe…?” he’s trying to come closer, “babe, I’m sorry, it was a mistake.”

“No.” you cut him, “I was, I was the mistake.”

“What are you saying??” he looks concerned.

“I know I’m different than all girls you’ve been having relationship with… you always told me I can’t even make a decision by myself, I am driven by my family, unlike other couples we can’t go on a vacation just two of us… I never met your expectation of how common couple would date…”

“No, baby…”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” you said, “the way I stopped confronting you when you’re going MIA, when you’re wasted in a club, texting girls… because I know I can’t give you—“

“You gave me everything! Please! Please stop.” He cuts you. “please…”

You’re looking at him, he was the most beautiful man you ever known, you had several exes in the past but Baekhyun hold most of your heart, he’s witty, he’s funny, he’s good looking. “Baekhyun…”

“Please…” he whispers whil ereaching your hand.

“… broke up with me.”

“Wh—“

“Broke up with me, Baek…”

“But—“

“It’s a mistake if you want to stay with me… you need someone match your pace, someone who can run with you wildly, not some bird in a golden cage.”

Baekhyun staring into your eyes, trying to let you know that he doesn’t agree with whatever you said.

“Break up with me…” you pleaded.

“Wait for me.” He said, “I’ll be a better person for you. I promise.”

-

8 months later.

It’s nice to be back to Seoul after an intense work training to your father’s company in Europe. And you have to admit that being away from the city in which you got your heart britally broke was nice.

Today is the first month of you officially working at your father’s company as one of the business analysts, you did a good job, even your father is proud of you.

“Miss, here the file you asked, and you got an invitation.” Your assistant came and give you few big envelopes.

“Invitation?”

“A wedding invitation.”

Your heart pounding.

Who?

You snatch the envelope and read the name.

Kim Junmyeon & Kang Jieun

You feel silly for breathing in relieve, you shouldn’t feel that way. Even if Baekhyun name was on it, you should be happy for him.

-

The wedding took place in a big cathedral, nice and elegant, the flowers are all white and the wedding band playing the smoothest jazz ever.

You stepped in and looked around, you found some old friends who immediately greet you, asking you how are you because ethey didn’t expect to see you here in Seoul, they’re all knew you moved to Europe 8 months a go, after the break up.

“Hey, someone looking for you.” Sehun, your junior in college, also a family friend pointed at a direction.

Baekhyun.

In a blacksuit, white shirt, no tie, smiling at you.

“Hey…” he said.

“Hey…” you greet him back.

“How are you?”

“Never better.”

And his smile bloomed. “You came alone?”

You nodded, “you?”

“Yes.” He replied.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” you asked.

“I don’t have one. Not a girlfriend, not a fling, no one. No one after you.”

You feel the bubble formed inside your chest, but you just smiling.

“I’m trying to prove something here…” he whispers.

“Yeah, and you did.”

He nodded, “so…” he looked down briefly to take your hand when he stopped, stunned, dumbfounded by the ring on your finger. “Wh—what the… what is this? This is just an accessories, isn’t it??”

You waited for him to level up his eyes to yours, and when he did, you shook your head.

“Who?” he asked.

“An aqcuiantance I met in Europe some months a go.”

“But to engage to him… isn’t it… too soon?” he asked.

“It’s easy when it’s meant to be, Baek.”

“Bullshit.” He gritted his teeth, “but I, I did this for you! I changed for you!”

“But I changed after I met him.”

Baekhyun scoffed.

“It’s not anymore suffocating, Baek… breathing is easy when I’m with him.” You rubbed the chained watch on your wrist, not anymore the smart watch.

“And where is he now?” he asked.

“Still in Europe, he’ll be here next week.”

“And you’re okay with long distance relationship?” he asked, “come on, you love me more because you can’t stand being away from me even for two nights.”

“Because I trust him…” you replied.

You gotta admit, to see those dark orbs of the man in front of you wet from tears breaking your heart, but as much love you got for him, you were never find ease when you’re with him.

“I’m sorry…” you murmured.

“But I love you…”

“I loved you enough when I’m with you.” You said, “now please… be happy for me.”

He gulped, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I…”

You stepped forward and reach him, brought him to your hug, “be happy for me…”

And he didn’t say anything because he could never.

-end-

[letsperaltiago]

because you’re the reason i go on

the post-”trying”, angsty, emotional, 6k+ oneshot no one asked for

or

Jake and Amy confront Camila Santiago about her judgemental ways at a Santiago-family event. 

They’d been sitting quietly on their couch one afternoon, one where they both happened to have the day off, for once allowing them to hang around the apartment with no specific or urgent to-dos on their minds. This resulted in Amy keeping herself busy on their shared laptop, taking up a corner of their couch with her legs stretched out and feet resting in her husband’s lap, whilst Jake himself played Mario Party – he’d never say it out loud, because, in the end, it didn’t matter when it was the for the sake of their possible future child, but he’d really missed playing  when the ‘way more scheduled’-Amy way had flipped their daily lives upside down.

It’d been a week, just barely, since they’d shared a disappointed glance at the sight of yet another, and for some time the last, pregnancy test in Amy’s hand. They both know a week wasn’t a long time meaning the aching in their hearts was perfectly normal. Just as well, giving them a sense of faith, the fact that they very much had each other to lean on and help manage the pain and frustration they still felt meant everything was, given the circumstances, fine.

Or at least it was until the updating of her inbox notified her of a new, very specific email which immediately caught her full attention.

As soon as the letters came together, quickly deciphered by her brain to form words with meaning, said meaning sent a dagger through her heart completely paralysing her. Even distracted by his video game he, Jake, could tell from the way the typing and clicking of the keyboard had so abruptly stopped that his wife had stopped amidst whatever she was doing.

“What’s up?” His eyes stayed glued to the tv where he was currently almost, and for once finally, beating Wario in the final lap of the game. Although that didn’t last for long since his wife’s obvious lack of reply, compared to Wario catching up to him during the final, crucial seconds, raised significantly greater awareness.  

“Ames?” he tried looking this time, quickly snapping his head in her direction as to not miss out on the game, only to be met by the blank, hopeless expression on her face and still body: Something was definitely wrong.

“Hey,” this time he rushed to put down the controller, not caring about whether or not Wario would beat him again and instead using his newly freed hands to caringly rub her knee as he scooted in closer. “Amy, babe, what happened? Are you okay?”

Her empty expression, still staring blankly at the laptop screen, stayed stuck for another few beats before a small, single, torturously slow tear rolled down her cheek. This of course immediately alerted Jake even more.

“Amy,” he desperately tried to snap her out of it with a pleading, although remaining calm, voice whilst squeezing her knee as if she somehow, maybe, had forgotten he was there with her.

That’s when she finally resurfaced, turning her face to look directly at him only to reveal that there were matching tears rolling down her other, before out of sight to him, cheek. Although the last few months had been hard and had taken its toll on them both, especially her, Amy had seemed fine once they’d settled on not thinking about babies for a while: They both slept significantly better, reverted to their enjoyment of what was their usual regularities and, all in all, everything seemed back to the way things were.

So this sudden eruption of sadness from his wife, when just 30 minutes ago they’d joked around talking about what take-out, something they’d missed dearly during their trying-times, they should treat themselves with for dinner that night, worried Jake a lot.

“It’s-” she finally broke her muteness, then once again briefly pausing in silence to catch her breath like she’d been holding it. “Tony and Elena.”

Her husband’s brows furrowed with worry. He couldn’t tell what exactly she meant, which he hated, but it had struck her like lighting from a clear sky so it obviously had to be a great, sorrowful deal to her.

“What happened? Are they okay?”

With Amy’s huge family it was sometimes hard to keep track of every single member, but Jake had gotten pretty familiar with all of the Santiago-brothers and took, especially, great liking to the second oldest Tony.

“Y-yeah, they’re fine but they’re-“ her voice’s transition into whimpering interrupted her as she tried to hold back incoming tears alas quickly failing to do so.

“Jake, I’m such a horrible person for reacting like this,” her whimpering evolved further into small heaving sobs prompting Jake to, gently as to not further upset her, take the laptop away from her to get a look at whatever had triggered such reaction. His eyes wandered across the screen for a brief moment before his frame froze the same exact way her’s had just minutes earlier.

‘SURPRISE! JOIN US IN CELEBRATING ANOTHER FUTURE SANTIAGO’, wide and bold, screamed from the subject line of what was indeed and very clearly an email-invite to Elena and Tony Santiago’s baby reveal + shower.

A heavy sigh along with a defeated drop of Jake’s shoulders complied with the so happy yet so distressing nature of the news.

“Oh, babe…” he’d put the laptop away in order to be able to move freely before moving in to engulf his wife in the tightest hug possible allowing her to cry her sadness out into the crook of his neck, a spot which had grown to be her safe place, where she’d automatically buried her face the moment he pulled her sideways into his lap.

In Jake’s ears, not only as her husband but also being her best friend, any cry, even the smallest sniffle, from Amy Santiago was absolutely heartrending and a perfect world would be one where his wife was never hurt, angered or confused enough to need to utter these kind of sounds. In this perfect world there would be constant peace in her mind, a smile on her face and, goddamn, he wished more than anything else, a baby in her belly.

His hand, which had automatically tightened around her figure, started rubbing soothing circles between her heaving shoulder blade, the other pushing her beautiful raven locks of hair away from her face. There, to the newly exposed forehead, all while saying nothing thus giving her the needed space to cry it out all while wrapping her up in a safe presence of his own, he pressed a tender kiss. Quite a few years spent together with her had led to a lot more of maturing on his part. Suddenly he saw, understood even, a lot of the matters and issues from her perspective, one he’d before called the one of an ‘old cat-lady’. Jake had learned a lot from Amy, which he was especially thankful for during these kind of scenarios where he needed her. He took pride in being needed by Amy Santiago; thus he had to do it right.

This also meant that sometimes it was better to say nothing at all. “Silence is just as powerful as words” was one of the things she’d had taught him, so as long as he got to sit with her, letting her know that he was there for her, Jake could feel calm and confident about not interrupting her crying.

It was not too long after when the sobs, shaking and shock slowly wore off and silence engulfed the two wrapped up figures.

“Hey,” he spoke softly. Silence was the only reply he got but he was okay with that. The necessity of a reply wasn’t there; her attention was enough and he knew he had it. Meanwhile his neck had craned in an attempt to get the best possible look at her face where it was still resting into the soft curve of his neck. The tiniest shuffle of her shoulder as she readjusted in his lap confirmed that she indeed listening.

“You don’t have to do anything you genuinely don’t want to do. You know that right?”

It was all she could give for now, which was okay, Jake thought, when he felt the nodding movement of her head against his neck.

“Okay good,” he paused thinking for a brief second before resolving on leaving a feathery stroke to her forehead with the length of his nose, his lips automatically taking over afterwards in one swift movement.

“We don’t have to go if you’re not genuinely feeling up for it. We can just say we both have work that day.”

Beneath where his hands were continuously drawing lazy circles on her upper back Jake could tell she was thinking – hard. Then suddenly her face was no longer hiding in his soft skin, instead she rose to an upright position although remained put in his lap. With red eyes, a version of his favorite pair of eyes he hated to witness, she looked at him.

“I just...” She sniffed in the process of wiping tears off her face with the back of the hand that wasn’t keeping her stable with a hold on her husband’s firm shoulder. “If I choose not to go then it means I’m letting this deterring situation get the best of me, and I just-“

As if he hadn’t already been aching for his wife and feeling utterly frustrated by the feeling that came along with it being way beyond his control, her voice, once again, started to quake, slowly and torturously breaking Jake’s heart like a disk on repeat. The following words made it out in-between tiny sobs and heaving halts from trying to hold them back.

“I can’t let it control me, Jake. I don’t want to it to define me more than it already has.”

It. Two letters: one word… The one, little word substituting for whatever force was keeping them from becoming pregnant contained so much pain. He cupped her face in his hands trying to fight her tears by wiping them away but alas; every time he had, new ones just dropped right in the exact same spot.

“Shhh,” he whispered pulling her back into his chest with the strong urge, and the only way he could think of to protect her from what, lately, had been the very cruel and unfair world around them. He didn’t say anything else right away once again  leaving her space to continue speaking if she wished to, but all that came out of her and into his neck were small whimpers.

“It doesn’t define you, Ames. You’re bigger than this and it doesn’t change who you are. And for every single ‘me’ you say, you have to remember that I’m right here in this with you. Whatever has happened and whatever will happen is something we’re in together.”

Shuffling against his neck followed by the tingling sensation of her warm lips against the skin let him know that what he’d said had struck the right chord.

“Thank you,” she croaked.

“No, thank you for being so incredible. And if you want to go then we will and if you don’t, then that’s alright too and we just won’t. No bigger deal than that, okay?”

He looked down to be met by a rush of relief; a tiny faint smile was once again present on her face.

“Okay.”

***

Thus it resulted in Jake and Amy, together as the unit they were, deciding to disregard what the pain was telling them to do and instead just go. A few days after their talk that afternoon, the emotional knockout upon receiving the email, Amy had looked herself in the mirror one evening and agreed with herself: no, this shouldn’t define her and therefor she wouldn’t let it.

But even then, on the morning of the baby shower, Amy caught herself feeling overwhelmed, emotions stronger than anticipated even though she was still circling around the will to admit. Slow and unconsciously, allowing her no fighting chance to prevent it, a train of pestering thoughts infested her mind. Looking at her reflection in the mirror feeling ready and put together, pretty even, wearing simple makeup and one of her staple floral dresses, she suddenly hated how she wished the skirt of it was draped over a round belly, one with a baby in it, rather than her usual curves.

In the midst of this staring contest from hell with her own reflection there was suddenly the sudden urge to break down all over again; give up and go back to bed like a way more manageable alternative to smiling and pretending to be okay around people who’d so easily accessed what she was dying to have. In the very same instance her jaw locked in an attempt to hold back a whimper, when her eyes blinked obsessively to wipe away incoming tears forming in the sockets, her husband, thankfully, appeared behind her in the reflection she suddenly hated so much.

“Is my favorite incredible, beautiful wife ready to go?” He wrapped his arms around her middle like it was the most right thing in the world instantly making her forget that, just a second, she’d hate that specific area of her body.

Amy could feel her jaw unclench and the tears stand down from their position on the verge to falling the minute the sound and feeling of Jake engulfed her. This was without a doubt what saved her from breaking down right then and there.

“As ready as she’ll ever be,” she sighed with a small smile looking at him in the mirror.

He nodded, understanding.

“Good. And remember: if it becomes too much, or you’re just not feeling it, then let me know. We’ll be out of there before you can say ‘Pierogis, potato pancakes and hot chocolate’.”

This turned out to be an excellent example of exactly why she needed Jake Peralta: a chuckle danced off her lips as it was indeed close to, if not entirely, impossible not to be charmed by his small jokes and overall sweetness. She then turned around hitting him with the kind of smile she knew he was always yearning for like she did for his.

“Thank you, I will,” she placed a hand to his cheek to stroke it in a small act of gratitude. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Ames. So much,” he quickly pecked her lips before sending her a tender smile.

“And I wish I could continue to stand around all day to tell you that over and over again, but I really don’t feel like being on the receiving end of that judgmental look your mom always gives me if we are more than 10 seconds late.”

Once again her point was proven: it was impossible to hold back a smile and chuckle around him.  

“That’s fair. Let’s go.”

They untangled only to lock hands on their way to the car. The 30-minute drive to Tony and Elena’s house was comfortable considering where they were headed to and how nervous Amy had felt right before leaving the house.

To her defense, with Jake’s right hand on her thigh rubbing small circles with his thumb, accompanied by their favorite jams and loud, horrible but nonetheless enjoyable singing, Amy actually forgot why she was feeling anxious about the day’s event in the first place. This especially when Jake performed ‘My Heart Will Go On’ in such a cheesy and overdramatic way, right to the point where it was almost too much since he chose to direct every word at her whilst, of course, still focusing on the road ahead. Luckily there were quite a few red lights along the trip for him to safely twist his body and directly serenade her with his Celine Dion-impression which successfully earned him loud affectionate laughter.

The mood was set and they were both ready to take on whatever the previously half-dreaded baby shower would turn out to hit them with: good or bad. Although, when they knocked on the front door Jake felt Amy shuffle nervously. Wanting to put out the fire of anxiety he could tell was sparking within her, he quickly grabbed his wife’s hand to give it a small, affectionate squeeze, telling her he was right there. They’d agreed on this and he’d do anything within his power to take sure: the baby shower would be okay.

And it had been okay.

It had been okay to see Elena glow with her growing, round belly. It had been okay to be surrounded by colorful balloons, cupcakes and presents. It had been okay to congratulate her brother and his wife, genuinely meaning it from the bottom of her heart. It had been okay.

Until it hadn’t been.

All the guests, which included eight Santiago-siblings with respective partners plus the future grandparents and a couple of Tony and Elena’s closest friends, were all spread throughout the living room in the suburban home. It had been a couple of hours of mingling, opening gifts and snacking on color-coordinated goods, and although one of them would occasionally stray off or get pulled aside by a familiar face, Jake and Amy mostly stuck together and admired the buzzing brunch-party from a safe distance. This when they weren’t catching up with Amy’s siblings or giving Tony a helping hand with small tasks so that he could enjoy the festivities alongside his wife.

Everything was going smoothly making Amy consider how she’d completely blown the entire thing out of proportions before coming. In retrospect she could see how it had been silly and a waste of her own energy to be so scared of feeling like the odd one out on a day that was Tony and Elena’s day. No one would actually care about her lack of a growing baby-bump when they were here to celebrate someone else’s.

Or that’s what she’d thought.

“Amy, ” Elena’s mother had called out sending them a warm accommodating smile as she snaked her way through the crowd to where they were currently resting on the couch while enjoying some kind of sweet sparkling wine.

“Hello, Mrs. Cardea,” Amy greeted politely as she got back on her feet to hug the slightly familiar face. Tony and Elena had been together for quite a while, even before getting married 3 years prior, which meant Elena’s mother was no stranger. On the other hand it’d been a while since Amy had last seen her, which meant the introduction and use of last name was more out of politeness and routine than anything else.

“It’s nice to see you again, dear. It’s a luck that I frequent your mother quite a bit so that she can let me know how you’re doing.”  

“I’m sorry it’s been so long,” Amy returned the sweet sentiment of the older woman’s remark. Beside her she could feel Jake follow her lead standing up and reaching out to shake the newcomers hand.

“Hi, Mrs. Cardea. I’m Jake Peralta.” He paired the greeting with his best polite smile.

“Oh,” the older woman’s eyes widened. “So you’re the famous boyfriend of the only Santiago-girl? ”

The couple let out a collective chuckle exchanging tiny, secret smiles in reaction to the unintentional mislabeling.

“Husband, actually,” Jake grinned proudly raising his hand to show off the silver-band which, with two years of marriage and an even older love, felt like natural, extended part of his body.

As if the revelation had come out of nowhere, which puzzled Amy since her mother must’ve mentioned their marriage to Mrs. Cardea at some point, if they spoke regularly, like the woman claimed, Mrs. Cardea’s smile transitioned into a lightly confused gape.

“My oh my,” Mrs. Cardea seemed to be at a loss of words but quickly picked herself back up and within seconds the smile, warm and genuine, was back. But even then Amy could tell something was off.  “I can’t believe Camila didn’t tell me. Must’ve slipped her mind.”

The wedding of her only daughter slipped her mind? Amy hoped to God Elena’s mom was right, a feeling of anger slowly coming to a simmer inside of her. Although she couldn’t let people around her know, she had the strong urge to storm of to talk to her mom or pull Jake aside to rant, but for now she bit her lip and put on a brave, now very forged smile.

“Yeah…” Amy tried to give the off-roading conversation a nudge back on track which Jake quickly picked up on, prompting him to reassuringly grab her hand. “… I’m sure she just forgot.”

“I’m sure it’s a mouthful with so many kids to keep track of,” Mrs. Cardea cackled obviously not picking up on the iffy mood surrounding the topic.

Then the feared, for a while forgotten, bomb was dropped.

“Speaking of kids, especially now that I know that you’re married: when are you going to give this fine young husband of yours his first child?”

First of all Amy hated how she made it sound like she would be making Jake a favor by falling pregnant. Secondly, if Amy thought she’d already gone through the peak of the pain from what they were going through at the moment, then she was dead wrong. Right then and there, being slapped across the face with those words, Amy felt her heart completely fall apart. More frustrating than not being physically able to make a child was being reminded of it by a, basically, stranger who knew nothing of what they were going through within the four walls of their home.

Beside her, out of the corner of her eye, there was no doubt that Jake had flinched along with her, evidently clenching his jaw in order to suppress a biting reply. If it hadn’t been for the crowd around them she would’ve collapsed in anger and tears, meanwhile he would’ve definitely snapped at the poor Mrs. Cardea.  

“We’re just getting settled into married life and we’re in no rush. It’ll happen when it happens.”

To Amy’s relief  Jake did his best, as always, to stay calm and advert the situation in favor of them both. He squeezed her hand, firmly believing what he said even though it also happened to be a half, tiny white lie since now was no time nor place to tell a stranger that ‘Well we’ve been trying for the past eight months, hopelessly and with every trick in the book, but nothing seems to work so right now we’re kind of just trying to get through the pain of quite possible not being able to conceive.’

Even though Jake, Amy included, thought he’d adverted the situation nicely apparently Mrs. Cardea saw this from a completely different perspective. The older woman’s before sweet smile faltered to one of a rather skeptical nature, implicitly telling the couple that this was not what she’d expected to hear.

“Well…” the older woman recomposed herself to speak even though all Jake and Amy wished for was to get away from the conversation and the radical road it was currently being forced down. Amy knew her family was one of old traditions, and even though she’d learned to deal with it and, to some extent, respect it, she in no way wished for her and Jake to take part in it. They were their own family.

“Just make sure to not wait around for too long, Amy. I mean, compared to your brothers, it has already taken you quite some time to evem get married: you wouldn’t want to risk waiting for, well, too long, to make a baby.”

Amy thought she’d just barely survived the worst but now, this, was the equivalent of an emotional apocalypse slowly shutting her entire being and will to do, try, speak, anything, down. Her surroundings seemed to darken letting her know it was only a matter of crucial moments before she’d be shut down completely and beyond social criterion. The simultaneous ache in her head, her heart, her entire body actually, was too overwhelming to ignore anymore.

“I’m-“ she barely managed to utter whilst staring into nothing because it was better than to look at anything in this room that reminded her of what she for some ungodly reason couldn’t have. “You’ll have to excuse me.”

With the blunt announcement that she was leaving, not even caring about what Elena’s mom thought of her sudden switch, Amy detangled her hand from Jake’s in order to rush away to wherever she could turn into a decent hiding place. For the next few hours or perhaps forever. Suddenly, like an epiphany, all she could seem to think about was getting out of the house and lock herself inside their car. There, at least, there was no risk getting found since, apparently, no one knew she was married and, even less, had a champagne-colored midsized Sedan. It was bulletproof.

Or, it was, right up until life seemed to have other plans for her, because getting to the car turned out to mean ‘going through the kitchen’ and ‘going through the kitchen’ meant ‘stumbling into her mother’, who then was about to reprimand her for not paying attention to where she was going. the sight of tears streaming down her daughter’s face caused her to halt though.

“What’s wrong, mija?”

Wrong. The word haunted her: she, Amy Santiago, was wrong: her body was wrong, biology was wrong, giving up was wrong, continuing to try was wrong, all in all everything was wrong. It had to be when something she wanted more than anything else in the world seemingly wasn’t meant to be hers. However, her mother, the one person in her life who was, more than anyone else, supposed to make her feel right? She made her feel, if possible, even more faulty.

Seconds prior to the colliding all she had been able to think about was getting the hell out of the house. But now, seeing her mother, triggered something angry, spiteful even, within her, setting free all the words and thoughts her brain, unknowing to Amy herself, had formed.

“What’s wrong, you ask?” Amy heaved with broken, wet eyes shooting daggers. Her brain short-circuited making Amy unsure of exactly what had been said past this point. “You’ve kept my marriage a secret because you’re embarrassed.”

“What are you talking about? Why would I be embarrassed?”

“Because your only daughter, the only chance for you to experience ‘your little girl becoming a mother’, has been married for two years,” she over-articulated the last two words as emphasis. “And she still hasn’t had a child of her own, and to make matters even worse? She’s not even pregnant. That’s, apparently, embarrassing.”

Amy felt a figure rush up behind alas the heat of the moment resulted in her not even caring one bit. Tears were impairing her sight and all she had to get through was another few points – then she could leave.

“Ames, honey,” the figure behind her was Jake gently mumbling into her ear, carefully, as to not startle her before placing his hands on her waist. “We can go if you want to.”

He could tell his mother-in-law looked rather pale, more tight-lipped than usual, but had yet to put two and two together. That was until Amy spoke up again, chest heaving with all the sadness and sobs she was fighting so hard to repress.

“I’m not embarrassed, Amy,” her mother spoke to her own defense, of course paired with the look of pity, a look Amy hated.  “I just don’t understand why you and Jake want to wait so long? Why is it that you must do things differently than everyone else just to prove a point?”  

Not only did this strike Amy twice as hard as anything else that’d been said that day; this time Jake was not only aching for his wife but also for himself. This was bigger and more personal than Camila Santiago having high expectations for her kids, wanting them to shine and succeed at everything. No, this time it was wholly inequitable discrimination of her daughter’s way of living her life, included Jake and the things she struggled with when no one else was looking.

This was also drawing a line; the very last straw.

Jake broke in, stepped out from behind Amy to instead take a protective stand in front of her. It was no secret that Jake was terrified of his mother-in-law but if there was something which could make him not give that the tiniest care in the world, then it was the second she dismissed Amy they way she just had.

“First of all, with all due respect, Camila, you have no right to deprecate the things Amy, neither the things Amy and I, do and do not chose to do. It’s her life and while you’re her mother, which is just one of many good reasons why you should support her unconditionally, you have no right to talk her down the way you are right now.”

Angry was not a word Jake was very familiar with but by now his regular voice had definitely transitioned into a defensive scowl, eyes shadowed by anger and jaw clenched whenever he wasn’t speaking: he was not about to let another one of Mrs. Santiago’s jab at his wife slip by – especially now that it concerned such a delicate matter.

“All Amy wants is to please you, but you never actually take the time to acknowledge anything she does and at some point, which I strongly believe is now, it has to stop. You can’t reprimand her like she’s a little child living a life as if it was an open, always accessible book to you. You don’t know half the things she does and goes through: you take no interest in hearing about or understanding the bad, the hard, the frustrating… And the incredible things she does? You ignorantly dismiss them. She has no chance of winning with you.”

Jake was almost chuffing from lack of air caused by combination of exuding anger and the fast talking. He too was now getting emotional feeling the weight of the past months pushing down on him. Leading up to today’s events he’d remained extra strong and supportive for Amy but, truth be told, he was hurting just as much as she was.

“As a matter of fact, if you must know, Amy and I have been trying for a baby for quite some time now… And it’s been very,” he paused to swallow and compose himself before continuing, ”hard.”

A lump started to form in his throat, obviously affecting the pitch of his voice quickly prompting Amy to grab his right hand with both of hers from where she was still shielded behind him. Before him, when she finally seemed to understand what Jake was really telling her, he could clearly tell how Camila’s expression changed from cold, probably annoyed by her daughter’s “rowdy husband” meddling, to shocked and actually showing emotions.

“Oh, mija,” she looked past Jake to get a hold of her daughter’s hiding eyes. “I had no idea. You should’ve told me… It doesn’t have to mean that you can’t have a baby. There’s probably just something you’re doing wrong, and I-“

“No,” once again Jake was quick to interrupt her, the word bursting out his mouth out as a snarl, before she could finish the sentence.

“Amy’s been doing everything perfectly right, and even beyond, so you don’t get to tell her otherwise.”

Silence enveloped the entire kitchen whilst the life of the party buzzed in the background.  

Camila stood frozen in the very same spot she’d been caught in for the past few minutes. Here, after what felt like a lifetime, Jake made up his mind and decided that there was nothing else to say. Getting the hell out of there to take care of his wife was of higher priority than waste time, hopelessly and with no gain, trying to talk Camila to her senses.

He turned around to look his wife directly in the eyes, searching for some kind of sign that would tell him that what he’d just done was okay – it was Amy’s mother, after all.

And although tears were still washing down her face Amy also couldn’t help but send him a small affirmative nod. If she hadn’t been too busy crying she’d tell him that, once again, him acting by instinct had paid off.

“I want to go home,” she whispered.

He took another good look at her to make sure that she was okay for now, then quickly replied with a whisper telling her “Of course. Let’s go,” before leading her away and out of the house by the hand. Once he’d gotten her settled in the car Jake ran back to grab their coats, in the meantime also coming up with an excuse to Tony and Elena about Amy being sick thus having to leave. Jake was unsure of whether or not either hosts had overheard the fight but nonetheless they both nodded understandingly, thanking Jake and Amy for the gift and for coming.

So yes, the baby shower had been okay until it hadn’t been.

***

In contrast to the ride to the party, the ride back home was very quiet with minimal to no words spoken. Amy knew she could speak up, if she wished to, but then the act of staring out the window, watching the city grow thicker and thicker by the mile, simply seemed more manageable. Once in a while Jake would throw a glance in her direction to make sure she was somewhat okay while also keeping in mind that the urge to get home and hold her didn’t cause him to drive irresponsibly.

Immediately upon arriving back home, the minute the door closed behind them trapping them in their own little cocoon, Amy carelessly, and very unusually, Jake couldn’t help but notice, kicked of her shoe before heading in the direction of their bedroom. Although Jake was fast, managing to grab her wrist before tugging her back to wrap her up in his arms.  This, hopefully, would prompt her to react however she needed to.

And indeed, the moment she was tugged into him and her face could hide from the world in the crook beneath his neck, she did. The heaving movement of her shoulders came first, then the muffled sobs.

Jake, knowing that the silence on the way back home was both of them fighting a war within themselves with only a of question of not if but when they’d burst at the seams, could only hold her as tight as physically possible whilst rocking her back and forth as his own eyes started to prick.

During his life time Jake Peralta had undergone many kinds of pain: anything from, compared to this moment, that is, stupid bagatelles like watching the woman he was pining for be with someone else to being wrongfully accused and sent to prison, where he lived a daily life in a constant state a fear. Nonetheless it was still crystal clear that nothing, not by a longshot, had ever been able to tear him to shreds like seeing his wife suffer from something so out of his, or anyone’s, control.

“I wish I could take your pain away,” he mumbled into the top of her head, his voice tearful and heavy from despair.

Another sob, this time smaller, escaped her body before the next sound he could hear was her taking a deep breath.

“I know,” she sniffled as her shoulder rose in fighting another incoming cry in the meantime also allowing her lungs to stock up on just enough fresh air. Then silence. The quietness, the silence after the storm, that came after felt post-apocalyptic, when in reality they were in the eye of the hurricane: in the clear but surrounded by chaos.

But perhaps that was good enough for now.

 “…And I yours, Jake. God, I wished.”

“I know,” he smiled, through tears, into her hair before burying his face in it. Nothing felt safer than her – even during her darkest hours. In the end he felt reassured as long as she was there by his side and he by hers.

“But one day at a time,” he sniffled peaking tears away. “Okay?”

He felt her untuck from his neck, her safe spot, in order to look at him properly for the first time since they left Tony’s house. As expected her eyes were bloodshot, exhausted and red, although there was also a tiny twitch, something hinting at a smile, of the corner of her lips that implicitly accepted Jake’s statement.

“Okay,” she nodded.

“I love you, Ames,” he tipped his head down evening out their height difference in order to press his forehead to hears. “And I’m so stupidly in love with you.”

Finally, this was what it took, a full smile broke out on her lips; a smile which Jake Peralta wasted no second reciprocating. It didn’t matter that the affectionate chuckle sliding off her lips was half-teary from the intense crying nor that her cheeks were still very much damp and puffy; Amy Santiago was wholeheartedly chuckling and this Jake Peralta had been dying to witness.

“And I know things aren’t turning out how we had hoped, at least not right now, but…” His fingers calmly, almost unconsciously,  slid down to stroke her waist, his forehead still leaning against hers.

“… I’m never going to stop loving or being in love with you, Amy Santiago, so there’s no need to worry. We’ve got time… Time to hurt, time to laugh, time to fall down and then get back up again. It doesn’t feel like it now, which is so very okay… ” he pulled back to look right into her eyes, making sure to emphasize his point, “… But in the end, we’re going to be the ones in control of our lives: Not biology, not your mom, not anyone or anything else. If we want a child then that’s what we’ll have - one way or the other, I promise you.”

Tears were once more forming in her eyes although this time, to his relief, it appeared to be tears of joy rather than sadness. Being sad suddenly seemed so distant, so irrelevant, when she had a husband who loved her that much.

“And, like I said and will continue to say for as long as you need to hear it: we don’t have to think about a final solution now.”

On one hand she wanted to say something, express and return the incredible amount of love he always provided, yet, on the other hand, the need to grab his face and pull him into the deepest kiss possible was stronger. This, by all means, resulted in Amy doing exactly so. Of course Jake responded to the gesture so naturally thus allowing his hands to freely roam her entire body, up, down and around. There was no stopping them. He loved her and she loved him. This she’d whisper, whimper, whine and moan into his ear, neck, lips and chest, multiple times in the course of the day’s final hours as they stumbled across the floor, through the doors of their apartment without a single care about the outside world.

That night, intertwined, showering each other with love and chasing away the remnants of despair, nothing else seemed of great, grave nor grievous importance. Maybe, yes, the hurting wasn’t entirely behind them yet, but even so, something about hurting for love and the life they wanted to build together seemed to make that fact acceptable. Hurting also meant they were fighting, ultimately meaning that they weren’t giving up.

Hurting was hard, but also important for the process, and doing it together, thankfully, did the difference between unbearable and acceptable.  

Life was unpredictable, not everything was in their control, but, as long as they were with the right people, they could handle anything. And they were, since the very first day, stuck across from each other as bickering partners at the Nine-Nine, the right people for each other.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x22 Chapter Fourty-Four

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) I get that it’s part of the Latino culture, but I kind of wish we would be done with this “women are obsessed over weddings and they dream about having the perfect wedding since they’re young and their whole lives revolve around this one goal”. I could maybe understand if it was about marriage, but it’s about getting married, having a dream wedding, and it all seems so shallow to me. I understand this is a wedding episode, but I wish they would’ve found a new angle instead of relying on the outdated “I’ve dreamed about this day since I was little” trope. It simply puts me off.

2) Will Jane really lose her virginity? Why do I feel she won’t? Like, I feel this is one of those shows that takes its title way too seriously and they will purposefully prevent Jane from having sex as long as they can. And I feel the only way she wouldn’t have sex is if she doesn't get married or if something was to happen to Michael, right?

3) Oh, damn, Luisa is going to be back? Not the moron, again!

4) Jane called Rafael over to share with him that Mateo had just taken his first steps, which was very co-parenting of her and I totally endorse it. Of course, the moment is ruined both for Rafael and me when he’s reminded that Mateo will walk down the aisle during Jane’s wedding to Michael…

And now he’s entertaining the idea of declaring his love to Jane and stopping the wedding? Are we really back to this? This is terrible writing, I’m sorry. Is this the only arc they can give Rafael? Forever pine for Jane?

5)

The cat is out of the bag.

6) Jane and Michael are fighting over the honeymoon arrangements and budget and I feel this doesn’t bode well…

7) Xiomara and Rogelio arrive late and set up in motion a chain of events that end up with Mateo nearly killing the priest during the rehearsal. Jane confronts them and tells them to get their shit together until after the wedding, and I find myself siding with her, for once.

8) Anezka and Magda are planning something sketchy during Jane’s wedding, right? But what, exactly? And more importantly, why? Just out of the evilness of their hearts? Or do they actually have some ulterior motive?

9) Well, for once, the moron didn’t act like a total moron. She actually told Rafael he should keep his mouth shut and let Jane go.

10) Alba ends up confessing that her wedding was actually a disaster and that the veil she’s given to Jane doesn’t actually belong to her family, and they all just... laugh it off? But if I were Jane I would be at least a bit peeved? I mean, this is the wedding story upon which all her fantasies and dreams were built? Alba’s retelling of her perfect wedding is the reason why she’s dreamed about her own wedding since she was a little girl? It’s the second time Alba’s fabricated stories have shaped Jane’s fundamental principles and goals in life and her personality, and I don’t understand why she’s not even slightly bothered by it? Am I crazy? Shouldn’t she be having an identity crisis? And how come Alba is such a hypocrite and no one calls her out on it?

11) Oh, Michael, just when I was starting to like you, you boil down feminism to this…

And this is shown as a very sweet moment between the two of them, they're having this all-nighter about all the important points to discuss before they get married, but… isn’t this a conversation they should’ve had way before the night before the actual wedding?

12) Now, Jane needs to pitch her new thesis on her way to the wedding. She gets her thesis approved, and she ends up having her professor get her into the wedding dress. And this is probably my favorite line in the show so far…

13) Rogelio left the car running with the AC on and now it’s broken down, and Rogelio is having a breakdown. Jane calms him down and they decide to take a bus, which I feel is the perfect way for Jane to arrive at her wedding.

14) And this is how she arrives at the church…

I just love that Rogelio is the one to be by her side throughout this whole ordeal.

15) Ugh, the fucker did it.

Such a selfish, asshole move.

16) Oh, nevermind, he really didn’t. I don’t take it back, though. I still think he’s a selfish asshole.

17) Michael learned his vows in Spanish. That’s very sweet. He’s going to die, right?

18) The choir and everyone in the church telling her to go have sex was a great callback to early season 1.

19) Okay…

How did this little show manage to get huge stars? Britney, Bruno Mars, fucking Charo! (I actually wonder how many people watching the show knew who the fuck Charo is before watching the episode where she had the cameo...)

20)  Petra breaks down after Jane’s wedding, thinking what she just witnessed is something she’ll never attain. Just as she’s crying, one of her babies starts laughing, and she’s instantly reminded of the only true love that matters.

21) Aw, Rogelio called Michael his son.

22) Jane and Rogelio got their own dance routine…

And I just remembered how she was crying while dress shopping with Xiomara after finding out she’d been lied to about her father her whole life.

Also, when exactly would they have found the time to learn and rehearse this little routine...? Makes no sense!

23) Is this… Anezka?

Or has she done something to Petra and taken her place?

24) Is anyone interested in this couple at all?

I mean, what role do they serve other than acting as the token lesbian couple, because there obviously can only be only one of those!

25) Rogelio and Xiomara have a very sweet, honest conversation in which they both admit they still want to be with each other but they haven’t changed their minds about wanting/not wanting to have kids. And again, they prove to be most mature and reasonable people in this show. They did act petty and childish at first, but they always find a way to have an honest, grown-up conversation about whatever is bothering them, and most importantly, they don’t let whatever that is draw them apart. They might not be together right now, but they will continue to care for each other.

26) Anezka is apparently paralyzed, except…

Called it. By the way, how does Anezka manage to speak perfect English when she pretends to be Petra but she reverses back to her broken English when she’s herself? It doesn’t make any sense. And what is the end game of this plan? Just woo Rafael? Get the hotels and his money? Well, I guess this is an answer…

27) Oops. I guess Xiomara got her wish…

Why do I feel Rogelio will end up raising the kid with her?

28) Jane and Michael are getting it on, and now he stops to go get some ice for the champagne, and I’ve got this nagging feeling he won’t be back…

29) Well, that happened.

(he looks like he’s about to sneeze)

30) And this is pushing my suspension of disbelief…

I guess this is why the moron fell in love with Michael’s partner.

I’m really not “wow, holy shit!” about this because I always felt they would bring Rose back, and it also doesn’t feel like an earned plot twist, you know? Usually, this type of plot twists work better when they shock you but you also feel like a fool because the clues had been there all along. This reveal? Not so much. They did plant the seeds in this very same episode, but that’s hardly good writing.

31) Well, that was an extremely soapy finale. There are so many loose threads it’s difficult to keep track – Michael got shot and we don’t know if he’s dead or alive, Rose is back, Rafael and “Petra” slept together, Petra is petrafied, AND Xiomara is pregnant. Although it was a very entertaining hour, I feel the show only manages to keep me thoroughly entertained during high stakes episodes like this, a finale. A whole lot happened in this hour, but not enough during the season, in my opinion. And we still need to see how all of these plots that have been set up will carry to season 3. There are many things about this show that I’m kind of done with, and to be honest, I haven’t really seen what everyone seems to see in it, why it is supposed to be so great. Two seasons in, and I’m still not sold. Except for Rogelio. Rogelio is a cinnamon roll and should be protected at all costs.

32) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[capo-cedes]

Heavy Price

INVOLVED: Freddie D’Angelo and Nicholas D’onofrio TIME FRAME: LOCATION: D’onofrio Estate; New York City, New York NOTES: Freddie and Nicholas have a little talk that leads into a huge secret being revealed, that in turn plants unknowing seeds in several gardens.

Decision… Nicholas sat for quite some time mulling over how to order the house, the empire, the city. The game of chess that was the Capo had become much harder to play in recent months. Marrying the Don's daughter and all but threatening to kill the man for touching her had meant Lollygagging over how much to trust his wife and her men was a moot point. Nicholas had to relinquish control over some aspect of his life, though it pained him to do. He sucked his teeth loudly and rose from his chair, striding over to the door with a stiff determination in his gate. He emerged from his office, and looked over at Paul where he lounged, foot thrown across the arm of the high back chair just outside his office door. "Where is Freddie? I thought I told you to bring him to me." 

 Paul lowered the New York Times he was reading and looked up at his younger brother's face. "He's on his way. You know he ain't leaving his perch outside your wife’s door without a replacement." 

 Nicholas sucked his teeth, then looked lazily at his brother. "Why didn't you replace him then?  When I say now, I actually mean yesterday. Dammit Paul!  When are you gonna learn?"

 Paul swung his leg down to the ground, folding the paper as he moved. His shoulder hunched low, feeling embracement, “My bad, I’ll go relieve him now.” 

 Freddie slowly opened the bedroom door to the room that Red so happily inhabited more so now than ever before. Being her eyes and ears had always been a serious job, but her current condition only kept him on a higher alert than usual. Not to mention other things she nor he dared to speak on. He peered into the room and there she was a picture of beauty nestled under silk sheets fast asleep, just as she had been the last 3 hours. He sighed and closed the door slowly, despite her obviously being out of harm's way and sleeping he could have left her side but then again none of those things ever moved his planted feet before. He placed his hands back in front of him and he stared at nothing in particular as he continued to stand by the door. 

 Paul sauntered through the house making a beeline but in an unhurried fashion to his brother’s bedroom. It was where you would find Freddie. Shit, it was where you could always find the man. He shook his head as the thought of having to listen to his brother bang his wife day in and out must be a mother fucker. He had to give it to the old stone face, he was a loyal motherfucker. He took the stairs with a jog, smiling broadly as he approached Tiny’s room. “Freddie my man. Nicholas really wants to see you. He told me to stay here. While you guys talk.” 

 Freddie heard footsteps and he turned to see Paul, Nicholas brother whom he assumed was the family fuck up long ago. Despite anything he heard he didn’t like the guy, he made him uneasy. He looked him up and down before he looked at the bedroom door. Looking back at Paul he nodded his head and said “she’s sleeping” in an expressionless tone, his facial expression never changing. “When she wakes up, she is going to use the bathroom. Happens every time, like clockwork. She’s going to call out for me” he told the man gazing into his eyes. “She’s going to want one of three things” he said raising three fingers at him. “To know where he is, something to drink, or something to eat” he told Paul. He clenched his teeth not wanting to leave before he walked off without another word, he moved for the stairs jogging - the faster he went the faster he could come back. “If it’s water, fill the cup up with more ICE than actual water” he told the man as he descended the steps and moved for Nicholas. This happened to be another idiot he didn’t care for, but he respected him and Red seemed to be madly in love with the guy, so he obliged. Moving for the office he sighed heavily before he knocked on the door and waited to be granted entrance. 

 Paul grinned, “yeah well it’s a pregnant thing. Making babies require rest.” He smiled, trying to make a little small talk. He almost laughed at how serious the man took his job. “I’m sure you’ll be back before she wakes and if she does,” Paul grimaced looking between the door and Freddie. “I can handle her request.” He muttered in a what the fuck tone. Folding his arms across his chest, he leaned back against the wall, again wondering what the fuck was wrong with the man. “I got it man. Water… Jeez” 

 Nicholas rubbed at his eyes; he needed a better right hand. But all attempts to recruit his oldest brother had failed. And all the training in the world wasn’t going to make Paul a suitable replacement for Michael. One eye popped open as the expected knock parted Nicholas silent contemplations. “Come in.” He said, getting up from his seat behind the desk, he moved over to the window and looked out at the Atlantic Ocean. 

 Freddie waited to hear Nicholas' voice before he moved into the space. “You summoned me” he said plainly as he shut the door behind them and stood in the middle of the floor. He never sat and today would be no different and he held his hands in front of him looking in the other man's direction. 

 Nicholas stared out of the window for a long moment before he answered the man. He turned to face Freddie and looked him over from head to toe before he moved over to the bar cart. He took the crystal glass from a shelf just above the cart and set it down with a clink, before pouring himself a glass of scotch. He twisted his head slightly looking back over his shoulder, “I did.” He said, finally picking up the glass. “Have a seat, Freddie. We need to talk about a few things.” Nicholas said, walking over to take his seat behind his desk glass in hand. 

 Freddie waited for the man to reply but he never did, instead he simply moved for one spot to the next and poured himself a drink. He didn’t even bother to ask if he wanted one, he didn’t expect it but assumed he would. He licked his lips hearing the instructions, he didn’t want to sit down. He waited for the man to do so first and he then moved forward, he stood behind the chair only for a moment or more. He rounded the chair and sat on the very edge now, feeling out of place and out of his comfort zone sitting here before the man. 

 Nicholas drank from his glass as Freddie took his time seating himself. Even once he was settled, he looked awkward, like a man set to dismantling a bomb, who’d never been trained to do so. Nicholas raised an eyebrow at him then lowered his glass holding it in front of him, swirling its contents as he thought. “Freddie.” He said, setting the glass down now and leaning forward in his seat. “You’re my wife’s bodyguard. Correct?” 

 Freddie looked at Nicholas he wanted so badly to react to this little show he was putting on, but he didn’t. At the man’s comment he corrected him “in our line of work I think they call them right hands” he said simply and straight to the point. He was not just a soldier of hers, matter of fact he wasn’t a soldier at all. He was her brain when she wasn’t thinking, much like the after thought she had of being this guy into their lives even more than he had been. When he wasn’t doing his husbandly duties it was, he who had picked up the pieces several dozen times; he wasn’t just a damn bodyguard. This man was really a dumb rat bastard. 

 Nicholas nodded thoughtfully, rearing back in his chair, he measured the man again. At least Freddie had an idea of who he was supposed to be. Crews were living breathing organisms, but some bosses were horse and other bees. All of it depended on the leader. However, he'd never seen a second quite like Freedie… well actually he had but not good ones. "Second?" He repeated in a flat tone. "I'm adding to your duties. I'm putting you in charge of screening the domestic staff." He said simply. Deciding against his earlier decisions. He slid open the left file cabinet in his desk and pulled out the current roaster of household employees, handing it over. "A list of my personal staff. They have been screened but feel free to rescreen them. Thank you."

 Freddie sat there; his hands clasped in his lap as he listened to the man. When he revealed what he wanted, he raised his brow showing some expression. “May I ask, why?” He asked him curiously “do you not trust the staff?” He questioned him. He never thought once that anyone in the house was capable of anything more than cooking and cleaning, he had ruled their kingdom with an iron fist on her own. And despite her detachment from her duties as both Tiny and Red, he didn’t think anyone would be so stupid to think pregnancy changed the killer reign she had. She’d soften but he knew it took nothing to make the Mercedes they knew as vicious as they all knew her to have been months in the past. He licked his lips slowly however, there was a 500-million-dollar price on her head, who wouldn’t stop at nothing to harm her. Trusted staff or not, he now had to reevaluate everything and everyone around him. Fuck. 

 Nicholas closed the draw, mind already moving on to his next task of the day. He sat back, caught off guard by the fact that Freddie was questioning him at all. Impressed. He would indulge the man’s question. Nicholas smiled, “Trust is a luxury we can little afford. Because we can’t always understand how much it would take to make someone betray us. Though I am not sure that really answers your question.” He said, turning his head lightly, he thought for a moment, “For what it’s worth, I trust my staff, but we can never be blind about these things. Or idle. I believe that you check, re-check, then start all over again. Because the parameters of that faith you put in them can always change. Most of them have been with me for years. So, I don’t really think they pose a threat, but I’m not stupid enough to leave that up to chance.” He shrugged, “Ultimately, like I said I vetted them. But one can never be too careful.”  He could have said more, but that he felt would answer the question. “I hope you understand.” 

 Freddie listened to the man as he lowered himself back down in his seat to answer his questions. Licking his lips, he turned his head at the mention of the price it took to betray someone. He looked back at Nicholas and allowed him to finish before he said “500 million dollars” he replied dropping his head a bit as he looked down at nothing in particular. “The price” he said as he looked back up at the man “for her head that is” he added. “There’s a hit out on her” he said, averting his gaze to an inanimate object on his desk. “I would say the staff are the least of our worries but for that much money the most unexpected person could be capable of anything and I don’t know who these people are” he said shaking his head. “She won’t tell me,” he added. “She did something, and it was a big something, and I wasn’t there for it which is crazy because I am always there. But she can be so damn sneaky sometimes” he said bitterly, all he wanted to do was protect her but even she managed to make that hard for people. 

 “What?” Nicholas asked the moment Freddie throughout 500 million. “Yeah, an amount like that would turn a lot of friends into enemies…” He shook his head in confusion, listening to the rest of words toppled from Freddie’s mouth. “Hold up. You’re telling me Red has a $500 million price on her head. That’s preposterous. Al, the other capo’s, no bodies mentioned a thing. Freddie, you're always there. Shit, you see more of my wife then I do. When could she have found the time to cross someone with that much doe and not set off alarms from here to the west coast?”  He was rambling, head shaking back and forth.

 “Well” Freddie said, trying to not step on the man’s toes at the moment “with all due respect, work is very important to you” he told the man simply and without leading much further into that statement. He wouldn’t know someone was trying to kill his wife because he wasn’t always around. “Why do you think she wants out?” he asked the man. “Or why she doesn’t leave the house unless she desperately has to, she’s scared but she isn't going to tell you that, me that, Al that. Whatever this is she obviously can’t come to you guys about” he said to the man. “I’ve used every resource available to try to pinpoint these guys. But I have nothing outside of the amount they are waving around for her head…” he told Nicholas. 

 Nicholas pushed back from the desk; his long legs stretched out in front of him. He heard what Freddie said, as well as, distilling his meaning. He wouldn’t begrudge the man for being his wife’s zealot. “I’m out there. A part of the underbelly of New York. That’s why this all seems odd. She’s Al’s daughter. Rather or not she tells any of us what is going on, we should have sniffed it out. Nothing and I do mean nothing moves in New York this big without the Don’s knowledge.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head against what the man was saying. In all honesty, Nicholas thought she didn’t leave the house because she was heavily pregnant. “Waving... “ He hummed. “Maybe that’s the angle. It’s someone with no real teeth waving money they don’t have. If there was a real threat of this caliber. No way in hell there wouldn’t have been an attempt made at -hell choose, our engagement party, wedding, or that over the top baby shower. Something doesn’t add up.” He was still babbling, but his face was set with an intensity that didn’t outright rule out what Freddie was saying but needed there to be another answer to the riddle. 

 “He didn’t know she killed Steven Cohen until she told him. Everything doesn’t get to Al, but I get your point. There’s no way Al couldn’t know” Freddie told him. At his theory of what could possibly be going was laid out on the table he furrowed his brows. “They could have,” he told the man, having not thought about that himself honestly. “I don’t know, for the first time… ever” he said seriously, because he didn’t really know anything. “I would suggest us going to Al about it, but a little birdie told me he’s not too happy with… you” he said clearing his throat after his comment. 

 With Freddie's words came a colder more detached thought, that however unlikely, he hoped it was not true. Yet, Al being somehow complicit with half a billion-dollar price tag on Red's head made more logical sense than anything the man had uttered. Chewing on his bottom lip as if it were a exceptional piece of tough grisel. Nicholas grunted, "l suppose." He agreed begrudgingly. He licked his lips then sat up clasping his hands in front of himself on the desk. "Love me or hate me it doesn't matter. We can't go to Al. At least not yet. You said it yourself if Al knows, he is fine with it and informing him now would only make us more vulnerable." He shook his head while tapping out and S.O.S on the desktop. His eyes focused on the monitors behind Freddie's head. "I'd still put my money on someone without teeth but…" he refocused on the man's face. "Set about rechecking the staff. Retightening the belt around here can't hurt. I need to do some digging." Now his gaze moved up toward the ceiling where his very pregnant wife lay. 

 “I can’t imagine Al knowing and being fine with it?” Freddie said back to the man, they were on two separate pages right now. Al wouldn’t do anything to betray Mercedes, would he? That wouldn’t make sense. “But Al could do something about this with a finger snap, not telling him could be a horrible mistake” Freddie said nervously. “I mean there’s a baby in the heart of all of this” he reminded him though he was sure he didn’t need to. As he redirected him as to what he wanted him to focus on he sat there quietly for a moment before he asked a very personal question “why me? Why not Paul… “ he asked him, it was his own way of reading everyone and everything involved with them. 

 Nicholas stared at the man, his own walls of indifference rising smoothly into place. "If there is a price that high on Mercedes' head and I nor Al know anything about it, his days of snapping his fingers are over." He inhaled deeply. He envied his wife her guard dog. "I know what's at stake, Freddie." Nicholas patience had ebbed, "You're here in the house outside of our bedroom day in and day out. Who better to trust with the staff? You are better suited for this task and Paul others." He stated flatly. 

 Freddie looked at Nicholas, his eyes faltered as they flexed to squint at him. Interesting. As he went on to explain to him the roles that he played, and Paul played. Licking his lips, he looked at him and said “right” he replied simply. “Easier than saying you don’t trust him, noted” he added as he got up from the chair. He grabbed the items off his desk he needed, and he turned his back to the man to leave. At this point Freddie could not assume that everyone was full of utter bullshit and considering his only real job was to protect her he’d have to do just that. And eliminate all bodies that stand in the way of him doing so or pose a threat in his gut towards her.

Nicholas tilted his head and watched as the burly man rose to his feet hurling misplaced insults that grated against his already frayed nerves. "I like people who foster independent thought. When they are properly motivated. An associate who is quick on their feet is an invaluable tool. However, I said what I said and if you want to take that meaning from this exchange then so be it. But my second in command ran half of my holdings. He hired brutes to sit outside my door and keep me safe. Oh, he was one of the last lines but not my primary. He was much too valuable to me for that." He paused and let his words take hold. "There is no more Nicholas and Tiny. We are a unit and soon everyone else is going to realize the power we have consolidated around us. Today I needed to measure out a man.  -To decide if he needed to sit just outside my wife's door or command our combined arms. And right now, that is the path Paul is on. Good day."

[bookishpower]

Fic I’m considering writing...

A slight pressure on his knee. Tyrion nudging him forward in more than one way, no doubt. Except Tyrion was on his right, short legs propped up, likely on Pod’s legs (or his cock, to hear Tyrion talk).

The only one it could be was the newly-minted knight sitting across from him at the trestle table. Her legs, crammed under the table with his, so close they might as well entwine them.

Jaime blinked, hoping he hadn’t been fool enough to voice that last thought. Brienne blushed, either from wine or Tyrion’s bawdy questions, but thank God, not from his inattentive thoughts.

An accident, that’s all that it was.

He struggles to return to the game.

“You were born...” Tyrion pauses for dramatic effect, eyebrow raised, dipping his horn of wine in Brienne’s direction. “...on an island.”

He was obviously trying to get the lady knight drunk, Jaime surmised that much. And Brienne was well on her way there. But for what purpose, he was uncertain. Perhaps to learn more about the woman his brother had knighted? But these were easy questions, unless he was leading up to something...

Jaime suddenly wished he’d taken smaller sips. He couldn’t keep up with his brother while sober - his drunken self didn’t stand a chance. Tyrion was a wonderful brother, but his wit could run cruel, and Brienne’s defenses were down with wine, her soft heart exposed.

He watched as Brienne made to pick up her goblet - then deliberately set it down to her right, a secretive smile curling her plump lips.

“No.”

“What?” The exclamation left Jaime’s lips before he could halt it. “But you’re the heir!”

Brienne shook her head, smile dimming just a bit. “Not at the time. But it wouldn’t matter - almost no child of Tarth is born on the island.”

“Pod,” Tyrion nods at the squire. “Look to Ser Brienne. She’s a bit happy on the wine and making no sense.”

“She’s telling the truth, m’lord,” Pod returns, looking over at his knight fondly. “Most people of Tarth aren’t born there.”

For a moment, Jaime questioned if he was much drunker than he thought. But seeing the confusion on his brother’s face, he realizes he’s not alone in his confusion.

“I’ll bite, ser,” he returns, and Brienne turns her smiling face to his, and her astonishing eyes flash in the candlelight. Whatever words he intended to say next lodge in his throat.

A few pregnant moments pass silently as they gaze at one another. Tyrion’s sharp little elbow in his ribs brings him back.

Was she blushing? It was so hard to tell amidst the candlelight and shadows.

“If you want the truth, you don’t need to bite. You need to drink,” she replies equably, nodding at his glass. Jaime growls, but downs the wine, then looks at her expectantly. She smiles at his expression, and his stomach lurches in a way that has nothing to do with the wine.

“I was born in the Narrow Sea,” she answers. “Women of Tarth try to give birth in the tidal pools or the sheltered coves, but not on land. It’s a long-standing tradition.”

“In the water?” Jaime can’t help himself.

“In the winter?” Tyrion sounds skeptical.

“There are pools below the hall, or the babe is dipped in warm seawater immediately after birth.”

Jaime must still have a quizzical look on his face, because Brienne rattles on, looking uncertain. “Life on Tarth depends on the sea, so we start there. Later, when we die, our ashes return there. You start out your life there, and learn to respect it.”

Jaime has more questions - namely, how do Tarth babes not immediately drown - but Tyrion beats him to it.

“So will the future Evenstar of Tarth bring her children into the world by sea or by land?” Tyrion’s voice has a caustic note that Jaime recognizes, and he begins to muster his wits in Brienne’s defense.

To his surprise, though Brienne is certainly blushing scarlet now, she meets Tyrion on his accustomed battleground.

“That’s a statement on one of many possible futures, my Lord. By your own rules you must now drink.”

Tyrion grunts and looks to his brother for aid. But Jaime just smiles and points a finger at him. “She’s got you.”

Tyrion rolls his eyes and leans his head against his brother’s shoulder with a moue of regret before tossing his drink back.

Brienne grins, and Jaime feels his heart palpitating worryingly even as he grins back.

The knee against his own hasn’t moved. And Brienne’s fingers curl around her goblet, brushing his own. He feels those points of contact like fire, fire that he wishes would spread and encompass his entire body.

He’s on the verge of asking something that has nothing to do with Tyrion’s game, on the verge of letting his entire world shift...

“My Lord Hand!” The dragon queen’s imperious voice crests over the drunken din. Everything mutes slightly, even the Wildlings pausing their raucous celebration. Brienne straightens on the bench, her hand withdrawing from its casual press against his.

It could be the shadows in the room, but Jaime could swear the diminutive young woman towers over them all, the distinctive Targaryen hair glowing like wildfire. She calls for his brother, but her hard violet eyes are on Jaime.

And Brienne.

To his credit, Tyrion moves fast, scrambling off the bench and coming forward to stand in front of them. He bows. “My gracious and victorious Queen!”

“I have an idea for our next victorious battle,” Daenerys continues, speaking across the room. “Lady Sansa, Lord Jon, please join us in the solar.” She pauses. “Tyrion, bring your brother.”

Jaime’s insides turn to ice. He’d wondered if the queen would remember him in the wake of cleanup and funerals. It seemed Aerys’s daughter didn’t miss a beat.

As he rose to follow his brother, he felt Brienne’s fingers brush against his own briefly. He looked to her, and wished he could brush his fingers against the furrows in her brow. She wants to follow, he knows, but without her lady’s summons, she can only watch him leave.

“Be careful,” she murmured. Feeling greatly daring, he captured her blunt, callused fingertips in his own, squeezing briefly.

A promise.

“Pod, don’t let her drink too much,” he jests. “There are still a few questions I have.”

He pulls away reluctantly, following Tyrion across the floor, aware of the eyes of the hall upon him. His shoulders straightened, the golden lion no mine, but a lion all the same.

“Let me do the talking,” Tyrion says in an undertone as they exit the hall. “Her moods are uncertain since the battle.”

“They were certain before?” He can’t help it, it’s as instinctive as breathing.

Tyrion stops in his tracks and stares up at Jaime, irritation plain. Jaime holds up his hand in apology.

They enter the solar together under the withering stare of Grey Worm. Lord Varys nodded at them from a position near the fire. Ned Stark’s bastard idiot looked confused, as usual, while Lady Sansa stared at the dragon queen with an expression like thunder.

“Your grace,” Jaime bowed, uneasy at the feeling of baring the back of his neck to this woman.

Daenerys gazes at him, and there is no anger in her face any longer. Only something like satisfaction.

“I believe I have a way to take King’s Landing without bloodshed,” she declared, seating herself at the table, ignoring the table map entirely. “It depends on a few things, and one of them is Ser Jaime.”

The pause lengthened and Daenerys continued to stare at him in expectation. Belatedly, Jaime struggled for words.

“Whatever I can do to help end the wars, your grace,” he stumbles out. “I hope that the Long Night is the last battle to trouble Westeros for many generations.”

Daenerys’s expression doesn’t change, but her topic of interest does.

“Lady Brienne of Tarth is sworn to your service, is she not, Lady Sansa?”

“She is, your grace.” Sansa is every inch Lady Catelyn’s daughter, and if his stomach hadn’t turned to ice at the mention of Brienne, he would have listened for the ringing of steel in the young woman’s spine. “She is also a knight now. Ser Jaime knighted her before the battle.”

Daenerys looks to Jaime for confirmation, and he nods.

“That changes nothing, though it does confirm what I suspected,” the young woman pronounces. She examines his face carefully, and Jaime realizes he’s rather be eyed by her dragons in such a way.

“I have been loved by many,” she begins, turning her gaze away. “I know what it is to be cheered by crowds who know you love them in return. I have had the love of friends, and the love of those whom I could not love as they wished.”

She pauses, her eyes drifting towards Jon Snow’s boots. He, in turn, seems to be attempting to send himself to Dorne by staring hard into the map.

“I have also known the love of a man for a woman, and loved in return,” she continues. “They are all powerful in their own forms. But in this case, we can turn that last form into the key to a lasting peace.”

For one horrifying moment, Jaime fears she is about to propose marriage to him.

Then she speaks, and it is far worse.

“Lord Jon Snow has bent the knee to me. This means that everyone in his realm, and everyone sworn to someone in his realm is in my command.”

Her eyes refocus on Jaime, and he wishes he’d succeeded in running her through with a spear all those months ago.

“Ser Jaime, it is plain to all your feelings for Ser Brienne. Therefore, I charge you to accompany us south. We will smuggle you into King’s Landing, where you will either convince your sister to renounce the throne or kill her. Should you fail, I’ll burn Ser Brienne myself.”

[imaginesforthosewhoseekthem]

Any thoughts on Albert Vanderboom? He may be a monster but damn he’s an interesting character.

((Dude was my literal motivation to take these asks dude! XD Favorite villain in anything right now because of how screwed up he is.))

THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ROOTS/CUBE ESCAPE

First of all, I personally don’t blame Albert for most of the stuff he did. He WAS fed wine as a baby and then disfigured, so it’s not entirely his fault.Don’t get me wrong, if he’s smart enough to use black magic and alchemy, he should know what he’s doing is wrong…but yeah he doesn’t care.

So now its time for my personal headcannons for Albert Vanderboom. Out of the three kids, I think it can be assumed Albert was likely the least favorite. Samuel is LITERALLY the only child that was actually given milk. Now, I could understand if Mary didn’t have enough for all 3 babies. That’s fine, babies can drink water. But if you feed a baby that was JUST born an entire bottle of red wine, yeah it should probably be dead. Even if it’s not, it could still damage the baby for life. 

I’m not saying Mary tried to kill her son, but I can’t help but feel a bit of spite, you know?

This will come back later, but I think that Albert saw how his Dad, James, found the secret passageway when Albert was 3. That’s how he came to use it later in life.

Albert never forgave his siblings…obviously! But I personally felt like as they got older, Samuel and Emma kinda regretted what they did to him. BOY did they pay the price. Also, low key don’t think Mary did ANYTHING about the fact her son was scarred for life both literally and figuratively. We never see Sam and Emma face consequences from her.

While his siblings had an interest in clocks and flowers, Albert did learn black magic to put in his masks to change the weather. Hey, if Emma can get pregnant by flowers, that is not out of the question.

If Frank WASN’T Emma’s kid, He probably wouldn’t have thrown him down the well. Like I said, he has a huge grudge against his siblings for disfiguring him.

So…Why not kill Lenard keeping that in mind? He IS Sam’s kid too…well, yeah…but he was also Ida’s. Before his daughter, Rose was born, his nephew was all Albert has left of her. In the middle of this, I did some maths about Lenard’s age. I think when we’re introduced to Ida in “The Fortune Teller” the baby crying at the end is not what happens at the end of the game, but Ida telling the player she’s pregnant with Lenard because when his parents are married, he looks about 5 or 6. Which would mean it was roughly around 14-15 when his parents died. Which makes him 24-25 when he went to war. Which means Albert raised him for 10 years after Sam and Ida died. Someone correct me if any of this is wrong.

Not only that, but Rose was born in 1909, so Lenard would have likely met Rose at some point before he left. So Albert was raising his nephew AND his baby daughter. Now that that’s done, lets go back to when Sam and Ida were alive.

Albert likely fell for Ida because she was a very pretty and likely kind woman. I’d like to think Ida WAS nice to Albert at some point. But I feel like that quickly went away after Emma died when she suspected he had something to do with it, especially since she IS the one who foretold of it. She knows he carries her photo and calls him “The Devil”. I have my own thoughts and theories about Ida’s premonitions, but I’ll save it.

Albert, under the deer skull was CRUSHED to kill Ida. He adored her, but part of him knew she would never love him, Sam or no Sam. Maybe he considered keeping her alive, but knew she’d either tell people or hate him even more. It was a case of “If I can’t have you, no one can”.

As well as Alchemy, Albert knows a thing or two about biology considering he removed one of her eggs for his experimental daughter.

Speaking of Rose, I’d like to think she was the only being he TRULY. EVER loved or cared about. He CREATED. A. CHILD. There was a chance artificially making a child from him and Ida would not have worked and he  still tried. I feel like he might have done this more than once, but Albert finally had a child with Ida and I’d like to think Rose loved her father too. I really hope in the Roots story line (if the crew ever decide expand on that) we get to see more interactions with this father and daughter duo.

He also never told Rose that Lenard was her half brother…Dunno how you’d explain that without looking like a horrible person.

Albert had it written in his will to be buried in between Ida and Samuel because even in death, he can’t help but get between them.

And Finally, my headcannons for the Rusty Lake game promoted in the 4 year anniversary trailer. The one EVERYONE freaked out over him being in…I think Albert will either come back as a Corrupted Soul…or at the VERY least, be resurrected by his daughter and/or granddaughter, Laura (aka, The Woman from the Cube Escape games)

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 64

Chapter Summary - Tom tells Luke about the baby. Alexianna looks in the mirror and finds it hard to like what she sees.

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

Previous Chapter

Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna

Request if you wish to be tagged

Luke stared blank faced at Tom. “This isn't a hoax?”

“It would be an incredibly tasteless one were it to be,” Tom stated. Luke said nothing in response. “It's hardly the worst thing to have to deal with, surely?”

“No, it's no,” Luke conceded. “It's hardly ideal either, considering you’re not married.”

“It just happened and the circumstances are not ideal, no. I would rather we had been married before something like this, but we're not and this baby is still going to come regardless so here we are. Marriage isn’t the most integral part of life, Luke.”

“So this was not planned?”

“No.”

“She's not forcing this on you, is she?” Tom gave Luke a face that said everything. “I have to ask, Tom.”

“As my publicist or as my friend?”

“As both.”

“No, quite the opposite, I convinced her to keep it,” Tom informed him. Luke's eyes widened. “She had planned to go to a clinic but when I found out, I was able to talk to her about everything, our options and get her to see that we were in a position to keep it. We'll also be moving in together. Obviously, with a baby coming, we need to organise ourselves more.”

Luke licked his teeth as he assessed what Tom was telling him. “I'm not sure what to say if I'm honest. I didn't envision this being how you personally would come to start your family. I had thought you would have gone a more traditional route. That said, I did not think you'd also be a stepfather and I was very much wrong on that account.”

Tom shrugged. “I had all but given up on ever being a father at all. I had not planned on waiting this long but now that it has happened and I could not be happier. The same with Lily.”

“You've seen yourself as her father from the beginning.” Luke acknowledged, having long argued with Tom over getting too attached to Lily too early. “How is she with this? Does she feel she is being pushed out?”

“She doesn't know yet, it's too soon to tell her. The day we tell her is the day the world will know, she will not be able to remain silent. But she is always badgering us for a baby brother or sister, so I cannot see her being upset by this.” Tom beamed. “I cannot wait to tell her.”

Luke nodded slightly. “So, when are you planning to announce this. The norm is circa halfway, if not after?”

“She's thirteen weeks, we don't plan on announcing it at all, per se, but we need to have a statement ready for if we are spotted. Lexi wants to get through as much of the pregnancy as unharassed as possible.”

“Understandable, of course. She is healthy, I assume?”

“They both are,” Tom confirmed, his face showing his elation.

“You really are happy about this?”

“Come September, I will be holding my son or daughter in my arms, a baby that I actually helped to create. I cannot put it into words how happy I am.” Tom explained. “I love Lily with an intensity I never knew existed but this little one is biologically my child, it would not exist had I not helped create it. Lily will always be my Little Princess and if we just have this baby or three more, she'll be my girl and I will never love her any less because I'm not her biological father, but this little one, I have more of a duty to it as I'm the biological father, if that makes sense.”

“I cannot believe you're a father.” Luke chuckled. “Congratulations.” Tom embraced him. “How did your parents take it?”

“Mum is elated, my father is alright with it too but he feels we should get married.”

“You disagree with him?”

“It's not a good time. It'd be too much for her.” Tom stated.

“For Alexianna?” Tom nodded. “Where is she now?”

“College, she has exams coming up so she is doing classes and studying.” He smiled proudly. “She's doing quite well, she should get close to, if not a 1:1.”

“It is a difficult time for her, juggling everything.”

“Made more difficult with a jumped up supervisor pulling out the whole 'how dare you get pregnant here’ on her at work but she is not letting that get her down.”

“Legally, that is not the best idea for that supervisor. She is legally entitled to maternity leave and any bias against her for being pregnant can get the company in trouble.”

“She reported it to the HR department, so we'll see,” Tom stated, less than pleased with how Alexianna was being treated by her superior, knowing that behind it all, it was actually bothering her.

“Good, that will sort it, hopefully.”

Tom nodded. He could only hope.

*

Alexianna looked at the mirror, her stomach was never flat, but she could see how her lower abdomen had grown to facilitate the developing child in her. She turned a few times and looked at herself from different angles to see how much it was showing. If she was honest, it looked more like she had a large takeaway the night before more than anything. Her jeans were no longer fitting without an elastic band to bring the button and its hole somewhere near each other but not closed. She had started getting some slightly bigger clothing to assist her. Emma also being pregnant had its advantages, she got the other woman to buy clothing she needed without her having to be seen to buy it. The pair went to the shops together and what looked like Alexianna merely assisting her clearly pregnant friend with some clothes but instead, Alexianna being able to get the clothes she liked without informing people that she was also expecting, leading to Alexianna having a very varied and nice closet of maternity clothing, something Tom insisted on, since he knew that with Lily, she was forced to wear only what Jonathan permitted, which led to clothes that forced her to hide her ‘unappealing’ condition, something that had affected her view of her previous pregnancy.

“You look so beautiful.” She turned to see Tom looking at her.

“I just look like I gained some weight.” She indicated to her stomach.

“No, stop that.” He chastised. “You have a baby growing in you, our baby.” He walked over and looked at her stomach before placing his hand on it. “Our little one is growing in there, and to grow, you need to grow with it. It’s the most incredible and beautiful thing, Lexi, and you are doing it for our baby, just like you did for Lily and you don’t even see how beautiful it is. You are all the more beautiful as a result.” He knelt down to be looking directly at her stomach. “You need Mummy to grow a little so you can get nice and strong, don’t you? We want you to be as healthy as possible and that means Mummy eating well and resting well and most certainly,” He rose up to full height and looked at Alexianna instead of just her stomach. “We need her to realise that being pregnant is not a terrible and horrible thing and that being pregnant is an amazing ability and when we are holding our baby, when we are so tired we will be considering Pop Tarts a gourmet breakfast for ourselves and Lily because everything else is too much effort and we don’t know which side of the nappy is which, we will see it is worth it.”

Alexianna laughed slightly at his exclamation. “What about when I have backache and I am cantankerous and you still have beautiful women looking at you that are not all stretch marks and leaking breasts?”

Tom could see her concern at such an idea in her face, no matter how she tried to dress it up as a simple joke. “Then, like any of the rare times they have tried their luck before, I will politely decline them, inform them I have a wonderful partner or that I am simply not interested, and come home to my beautiful partner, our daughter and our growing baby and ask her if there is anything I can do to assist her and hopefully alleviate her stresses, and remind her, time and again, that those stretch marks are only because our beautiful baby is growing and the leaking breasts means that it will be here soon and her body is doing everything it can to prepare and there is nothing more amazing in the world than that and I will never not be grateful to her for that.”

“You used a double negative.” Alexianna pointed out.

“I did.” Tom smiled and pulled her to him. “I love you, Lexi, and I cannot tell you how much I love what you are doing for our baby. I know that I work with very attractive women. I am not going to insult your intelligence or them by saying they are not, they tend to have to be in this industry, but them looking as they do does not make you any less beautiful. Them being as they are does not make me forget that I love you, both your beauty and mind. Your body is changing because of what we did together, of love and lust, to create this little creature.”

“It’s a baby, not a puppy,” Alexianna stated plainly.

“I know but can’t you see, I want you. I love you. I know that voice in your head is telling you otherwise, but I do. You, our daughter, our baby. I want the three of you, more than anything in this world and I am not risking you all for something stupid, never.” He pulled her to him and kissed her head. “Never. Losing you now, with our children, I will take a million cantankerous ‘what do you mean we’re out of Hobnobs’ before risking us.” Alexianna smiled at his envisioned argument. “I know it is hard to understand, Lexi, but I love you, with all of my heart and I know you are conditioned not to accept that, but I always will. You have given me a family, my own family and come whatever we face, I will never not love that or you for that.”

“Again with the double negative.” She toyed with his shirt. “I love you too, and I am so scared that this does not work out. I know that if it didn’t, you are not Jonathan, you wouldn’t abandon the baby, or Lily, you will always love them wholeheartedly.” Tom showed his dislike for her thinking of such things as them no longer being together but nodded, elated to see she understood his unfaltering love for Lily as well. “I am just so scared.”

“I know, Darling. I know, so am I. This is so permanent, this little person is going to tie us forever and I know that is daunting, but we love each other, we made it through love and come whatever, we will never stop loving our baby, even as a fully grown adult.” Alexianna shook her head. “So don’t fret. You look beautiful, your body is beautiful and your brother will be here soon.” Alexianna looked apprehensive. “We have to tell him.”

“I know, I just hope he doesn’t get angry or say he is disappointed in me.”

“He would have no right to say such things,” Tom stated. “You are a fully grown woman.”

“I was one when I married Jonathan.”

“You were, and you have learnt so much since then, most of it good, so don’t you fret. You will always learn, you will make more mistakes in life too, but our baby, our family will never be one of them.” He looked at her, longing for her to see the genuine look in his eyes. “I promise.”

[dibs4ever]

I can’t do it (pt 2)

8 weeks later

She couldn't believe it, her 4th night out on patrol and she runs into him. He’s alive, he's not dead. She and Red Robin grappled up to the top of a building and there he was. Barbara immediately punched him, then kicked him, pinned him and punched him again. She wished he had fought back but he just let her lay him out. The worst part about it? Bruce knew he was alive! He faked his death to pull some secret agent crap!

it was two days after that night and she was taking the night off from patrol, Nathan was sound asleep in his bassinet in his room. It was already 2am so he probably wouldn't wake up again till daylight, she really surprised herself at how well she adjusted to this mother thing.

She sensed someone in her apartment and paused. There was no way she was going to let someone harm her or her baby sleeping in the other room. When she knew the intruder was behind her she whirled around in the attempt to send a roundhouse kick but failed when the person in question caught her leg.

“Okay I deserved the beatdown earlier but I was hoping we could talk,” Dick said flashing a grin

Barbara sighed in relief “Dick” something about looking at him now and thinking about the baby who was thankfully sleeping and hidden from view made her fall into his ar,s “Your alive” she whispered into his neck.

Dick nodded “I missed you so much, I thought I wasn't going to ever see you again. Then 8 weeks ago Bruce called and said he thought I should come back.” Barbara pulled back to look at him “Did he tell you why?”

Dick shook his head “It just took me 8 weeks to get out of the program to get out without suspicion. Babs do you know why he-”

Barbara cut him off with a kiss that soon heated up, he lifted her up and began walking toward her room. Barbara quickly pulled away “Not in my room!” she said a little too panicked

Dick rose an eyebrow “Why? Got another guy in there?” he teased

Barbara didn't answer Dick’s smile dropped “Wait do you?”

“No” Barbara quickly assured, “I just would rather do it ....on the kitchen table” she excused 

Dick smirked “I love it when you’re adventurous, I’ll go get the whipped cream.” he began moving toward her fridge

That's when Nathan chose to start crying

Dick paused and furrowed his eyebrows “What's that?”

Barbara shook her head “Nothing” Dick stepped back toward her “It sounds like a baby cry coming from your bedroom.”

Barbara sighed “Yeah, see that's why we can’t do it in my room I’m babysitting for a neighbor” she lied

Dick looked at her oddly “Since when do you babysit?’

Barbara smiled “Just go to the kitchen and wait for me while I get the baby back to sleep”

Dick smiled and pecked her lips “I’ll be waiting”

Once he was out of view Barbara quickly went into her room, scooping up the baby “Hello my love” she smiled and quickly changed the baby, she attempted to rock him but he continued to cry “Come on Nate, Dick is here and I really am not ready to explain you to him right now” she sighed “Fine. but please eat quickly. Dick is going to be wondering what’s taking so long”

As luck would have it her bedroom door opened “Hey Babs, its been a while so you need some hel-” he paused when he saw the position she was in.

“Dick” Barbara gasped

“Who’s baby is that?” Dick pointed

Barbara stood still holding Nathan to her “Dick, I can explain”

Dick shook his head “Cause last I checked as amazing as a woman's body is you all can’t just randomly breastfeed a baby”

“Dick” she moved Nathan to her arms and adjusted her shirt.

“Stop saying my name and start explaining” Barbara sat beside Dick and began rocking back and forth 

“I need to get him to sleep then I’ll explain,” she said softly, keeping her eyes locked on her son. Not daring to meet Dick’s eyes, but she could feel him watching her. He soon fell asleep and Barbara reluctantly laid him back in his bed,

They sat there in silence for a moment “So  you had a baby” Dick said breaking the silence

Barbara rolled her eyes “Obviously”

Dick bit his lip “He doesn't have red hair” he noted, “Do I know the father?”

Barbara really had no clue how she was going to tell Dick he was the father so she just nodded “Yeah, you do. Really well actually”

Dick continued to examine the sleeping baby, then turned to her “Please, dont tell me it Bruce’s kid. Did you guys hook up when you thought I died”

Barbabara grimiced at the thought “Dick dont make me barf”

Dick sighed “Oh thank God” he looked back at the sleeping babe “Okay so am I going to continue this guessing game?”

Barbara tilted her head to the side “Seriously Dick? Think about this for a second. Last March there was that mission, we met back up on the rooftop on 23rd street and...”

Dick looked back and forth between Barbara and the sleeping baby “Wait you mean- the both of us. We made a-this is our baby?”

Barbara smiled “Correct Boy Wonder”

Dick’s jaw dropped “Im a dad? There’s a person thats half of me and half of you and he’s living and you’ve been raising him by yourself ....did- does Bruce know?”

Barbara shrugged “I think he suspected while I was pregnent- I didnt exactly tell anyone while I was pregnant. But I mean once he saw him everyone knew.”

“Hence why he told me to come back around the time he was born, what does your dad think?” he asked stroking the baby’s cheek

Barbara shook her head “He adores him, I’ve never officially told him youre the father but I think he knows, just like everyone else”

Dick nodded “I am so sorry Babs I’m a terriable person”

Barbara shook her head and reached over gently scooping the baby out of the bassinet 

“Yeah well, it’s in the past nothing we can do about it now. For now why dont you hold him” she laid the baby in Dick’s arms

He took a deep breath and looked down at his sleeping son “He looks like you”Dick smiled

Barbara gave him a “seriously?” look

Dick let out a chuckle “Okay, maybe I’m just being poilte, the Grayson genes are strong” he grinned

Barbara smiled “I kinda figured that out, just wait till he wakes up and you see his eyes”

Dick’s smile brightenned “He has my eyes, thats awesome! Does he have my acrobatic ability?”

“Dick he’s 8 weeks old, he just started rolling over- which by the way is concidered advanced for his age” she pointed

Dick chuckled “Yeah, he’s probably too young to be swinging from the trapeze. But you said he’s advanced. Which he’s smart, just like his mother”

They laid the baby back in his bed (after Barbara had to tell Dick he couldnt sleep in the bed with them) the two were just begining to drift off to sleep when Dick spoke up

“Babs, I know this doesnt mean we’re back together but-we made a baby” he said

Barbara smiled hugging his wasit tightter “I know, we’ll talk about us later okay?”

“Okay” he kissed her temple, falling asleep with a smile on his face

[jolie-auletta]

Lose Yourself, To Find Yourself.

So, I had the honour of being part of an international women’s day seminar yesterday. Hosted by the beautiful Gaia Rose, at her annual awakened woman gathering.

Part of a 7 woman strong team, I made my first public speech.

Stood in front of 50 women I didn’t know, I spoke about something that had impacted my life. How I fully and completely lost myself, but found my true self by doing so.

So here goes;

When I first found out I was going to be speaking today, I was an anxiety ridden mess, I was almost automatically filled with all kinds of insecurities. What if my story isnt as exciting as everybody elses. What if people judge me. What if I dont even inspire any one?

And as normal as that thought process is for someone who has never spoken in public before, it isnt actually very logical.

While I was writing this speech I sent it over to my friend to read over and I told her I felt somewhat guilty for mentioning someone from my past.

I am literally about to say things to a room of strangers that I've never even said a loud before!

But that's when it hit me, I want to be part of teaching our daughters and the next generation of women to not be afraid of simply speaking the truth!

I was always an intelligent kid. I taught myself how to speak other languages, play musical instruments, top of the class.. so I should have been a grade A student, gone to uni and I could have been living 'the dream' right now.

I know that the dream is just perspective. The dream is what you make it. But what I’m trying to say, is I could have had a smooth and easy life, if things had been different.

I don't dwell on that though, devine alignment is something I speak of often. All that is meant to be, will be.

My secondary school days were awful. I started later than I should have, so perhaps that had something to do with it? I don't know. But I felt like I was just always having to try harder than normal, just to make friends. Constantly seeking approval from my peers, constantly trying to be ‘one of them’.

What I've realised it comes down to, is I've just never had good social skills. Which no body believes when I tell them because I come across so confident and eccentric!

But honestly I'm what I like to call a social chameleon. I can blend in with any group, but it's all down to analysis of behaviours and mimicking. In a sense it's just acting.

And that's what school was like for me, I shuffled between groups, making friends then falling out with them over things I just didn't understand at the time

It's like I just didn't know how to integrate with people , or be myself.

So along with feeling like I has no real friends.. I was actually bullied too. The entire time.

I remember having to leave school early just to avoid confrontation. The worst part is, I didn't tell a soul I until I was 25? So a whole 10 years went by without even telling my own mum that I was bullied!

That's something I really regret now. Because I believe it all stems from there and if I had reached out to someone, it could have all been different.

Anyway, the last year of school rolled round and I'm obviously so happy to leave!

But then this fear kicked in. What if I get bullied again!?

So I had an ingenius plan. (in hindsight this was not an ingenius plan at all)

I firstly completely went off radar. I chose a college in a new area, where no one would know me and heres the ingenius part. I made a new personality. Who is the most unbullyable person, I thought? All my previous bullies where quite 'rude girl' personas, so thats when i pieced everything together and decided who I’d be.

And it worked. No one picked on me and I was actually popular.

The mask was working, but that’s all it was, a mask.

I was still constantly seeking approval from people, always trying to be what I thought other people thought was cool, not what I actually thought was cool.

About 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I was on medication but I took myself off of them when I fell pregnant. I did see a psychiatrist for a number of years, but I'm due to have another evaluation because I tick a lot of the boxes for autism!

This was literally a lightbulb moment! When I found out I could be on the spectrum- everything in my life made sense. And it turns out its really common for women with autism to go under the radar, or be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or bipolar/bpd like I was, and that's it, autism isn't even considered.

I am quite obviously high functioning, but every day scenarios like dealing with my emotions, sensory predicaments and simple socialising are a daily battle for me.

I have done A LOT of self healing and I have made a lot of progress, but I have come to the conclusion that whether I'm one, none, or all of the above , I just don't fit in a box and that's okay!!

I found my release in music, it was a coping mechanism, a world to get lost in.

But this leads me onto the second part of my story. During my music years, I met someone who would change my life.

A narccissist.

As i said before i do believe everything happens in devine order and its all lead me to where I am today. And I don't even hold a grudge towards this person. What's done is done.

And we were actually friends for a long while before getting together, we were best friends in fact, I can't even fault the friendship.

But the relationship was TOXIC!

The mental abuse was off the scale. And he also introduced me to cocaine. Now, in the beginning, it was all fun and games. Parties, recreational and I had no responsibilities in life so I thought why the hell not.

But it became more than that. He got me involved in not only taking it, but selling it too.

The entire relationship became based on that.

And ultimately it was detrimental to my soul.

I didnt even recognise myself. My family didn’t recognise me. It was like I had all these layers of personality I had invented to hide behind, but I couldn’t even remember who I was underneath it all!

I became more and more involved in this crazy lifestyle, so much so I ended up in prison because of it.

Honestly I look back and just think, how could I be so STUPID. It took me so long to admit that I was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

This guy had a hold on me. The kind of hold only a narccissist can have.

This wasnt some teenage crush where i 'loved' him so much and I'd do anything for him. I was a crushed soul, bowing down to a dictator.

I did what he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t even exist. It was all about him.

My mental state was in pieces.

Im honestly so embarrased to tell people Ive been to jail. I mean even saying the word jail. It makes me cringe. I rarely tell people. There are family members that don’t even know!

But that prison freed me. From the jail that was my own body.

Its almost heartbreaking to think of myself all alone in a cell, no friends or family , but I had time to be on my own. With ME! The actual me, not the me I had been playing the part of for the last god knows how many years.

I honestly remember the day the penny dropped, it was when I put my nose ring back in. It sounds so crazy, but when I put it back in, all the pieces of me started to sort of fall into place too. I wore the clothes I wanted. I wore my hair how I wanted and I was starting to love being me again.

The mask was off! I existed again! And that was a beautiful feeling!

I can’t believe I’d kept up this charade for so many years! I should have been an actress, seriously 😂

So fast forward to today, I have a daughter, My Isabella Amethyst. I honestly love her more than I ever thought was even possible and she has played a major role in me becoming the person I am today, because she deserves me at my best and no less.

Another point to make is… As some one who was too foreign for the white folk; yet too white to be black… my whole life I had never fit in to a ‘group’.

I started researching my ancestral heritage and had a deep spiritual connection with the Italian and Spanish parts of my DNA. I even discovered I had Amerindian and oceanic DNA. Which was amazing and even more soul grabbing for me, it gave me a sense of belonging.

A lot of people say wow jode, you've changed so much!

But i am now, who I actually was before I was pressured in to believing I wasn't good enough as myself! Before I invented a new me, just to fit in with everyone else!

So along with becoming a parent, Ive managed to start my own holistic business too!

I do everything I love now, everything that makes my soul happy. I say yes to my intuition and say no to anything that doesn't serve me. We as women have to learn put ourselves first! We have to learn to trust ourselves, love ourselves and actually learn to be a bit selfish!

Life has given me some lemons, as they say. My world was incredibly sour at times and I have found my self in the darkest of corners, alone. But as clische as it is, after the darkness comes light.

I can wholeheartedly say that although I may not be 'living the dream' I could have been, if I had chosen all the 'right' paths in life, I am infact HAPPY. My soul is content and I am ME.

No matter what any of us have been through in life, we not only grow through it, we can flurish beyond it. These awful things happen to us, but they do not define us.

Sometimes we just have to lose ourselves, to find ourselves.

[blueyesandleatherjacket]

Our last winter, 2/31

► Our last winter - Human!Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler. ► Written for @doctorroseprompts 31 days of ficmas. Day 2: Hope. ► AU Verse, Teen. ► 1,717 words. ► A/N: This is a prequelle to Ghost of you.

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is time for home.” - Edith Sitwell.

Third day of December 2012. Researches about a cure for Alzheimer. Maxence Spitz video log.

  Our researches are cruelly slowing down lately. We’re not going anywhere with this new ‘cure’ we’ve been asked to create. Every year we’re giving this stupid challenge of finding a cure for one of the most destructive diseases this world can count. For the last three years, we’ve been working on finding an experimental treatment that would prevent the persons genetically exposed to Alzheimer from suffering from the degeneration f their brain cells. So far, no one of the studies we’ve run came to a positive conclusion.

Unfortunately, Alzheimer seems to be the disease in vogue since we are recording an impressive increasement of people suffering from this terrible illness that’s eating up the brain cells and sick people sanity. I feel rough not to be able to help them. Science doesn’t bring the answer we need to understand the disease, its way of working. If we can’t figure this out, we can’t find a proper way to fight it. This situation is helpless.

Every year, we’re selling those so-called meds supposed to prevent or slow down the active genes but it actually doesn’t do anything. It’s a placebo made for people to believe that they can be healthy for a little while, that they can avoid this disease from making them go insane and impotent. If I could publicly apologise for all those fake hopes we’re giving them, I’d do them. But I’m their goose that lays the golden eggs and they want me to stay away from the medias as much as possible.

We’re synthesising something new at the moment. We completely changed the formula and followed Tegan’s directives. After all, he’s our neurologist. He knows the brain and its working better than any of us do. Clever man. I’m really glad to have hired him in my team. I wanted the best and he really is. And he has this very advantage of being humble. Still being a bit clumsy when I’m around too but he’s fitting well in his new work environment. I don’t want to disappoint people and he doesn’t want to disappoint me. So we’re both very involved in this mission. Just like the rest of my team.

  Maxence turned off the recording and sighed. It was long gone the happiness of this delightful and relaxing weekend in the snow with Rose. They had been back to work for a couple hours now and he was already feeling the knots coming back and the pressure eating him up like an army of dangerous ants. He wasn’t reacting well to anxiety. It was a known fact to everyone here. He scratched his elbow. This was one of the first signs. Rose would tap his hand and reprimand him if she could see that. But she was working in her own office. She was as serious as he was when it came to work. Hiring her in his team had been mandatory when she got her own doctorate with the best note. Those studies were what had saved her after the Jimmy Stone event. Those studies gave her a bright future, a future she had never imagined for herself.

He remembered taking his whole day off for her certificate presentation. He had helped her to relax and to prepare her speech of head of the class. He was sat at the front row of seats with his mother and they had applauded the loudest. After that, they had gone to the restaurant to celebrate and the very same day, when night fell on them while they were sharing a picnic in Hyde Park, he had asked her to marry him. To which she obviously said yes since they were married now for the best and for the worst. Their next step was to try to have kids. They were taking their time. There was no rush in this wish. For now, they were more focused on their career and on the two of them to have that child, but if it was falling on them suddenly, he wouldn’t mind either. Even if it would annoy their boss to have two brilliant scientists off because of a maternity/paternity leave.

  “Daydreaming again?”

  Maxence jumped at the knock on his door and the muffled voice he heard. He turned around to see that his wife was standing in front of the glass door with his name on it. ‘Maxence Spitz. Head of the biology department.’ Too showy for him. But that was his office and the ‘mention of department’ was important for his colleagues to know where they could go to have advices or new directives. He got up and walked the door he unlocked for Rose to come in. He stole a kiss from her.

  “Just thinking about you, love.”

  She couldn’t keep a straight face when he was telling her things like this and a large grin answered him. She pressed her lips against his and felt him smiling in return. That was those simple things that were making her loving him more and more every day.

  “Funny. I was thinking about you and about the fact it was time for us to go share a lunch.”

“You never come by for lunch usually. I have to come and get you.”

“I had nothing to do. We all have to wait until Colin and Martha are done.”

“True.”

  His hand found hers and she intertwined their fingers. She frowned and picked the glasses on his nose to have a proper look at them. She rolled her eyes and put it back where it belonged before he complained that he ‘couldn’t see the beauty of his fantastic wife’. It was a fun game sometimes to steal his glasses and see him looking for it everywhere and insulting every furniture he was bumping into.

  “You always complain about not seeing me without them but I don’t understand how you can see anything with them on.”

“You’re making fun of me. I don’t like it.”

“Oh, and the world is gonna stop turning because the great Maxence Spitz is pouting?”

  She lightly tapped his clean-shaven cheek. She had done a good work as usual. When Maxence was shaving himself, he was always cutting himself and insulting half the inhabitants of this planet. When she was doing it, there were no little cuts. Sometimes she would just sit on the toilet’s lid and watch him, bemused.

  “Of course, not. The world doesn’t revolve around me. But this lab might stop working!”

“Because it all revolves around you?”

“Have you seen the name of this door?” he bragged, pointing to the large letters on the door.

“Should I be impressed?”

“I am impressive!”

  Rose chuckled and finally they left his office to go to the cafeteria. They picked a tray and got in line for food. Finding a table was more difficult since it was the rush hour. Most scientists were coming at this time to eat and go back to work. They found a spot at the very bottom of the room. They sat down and started eating.

  “So what’s the problem with my lovely wife?”

“Wha’?”

“Oh, come on, you can’t hide anything from me.”

“I don’t want to raise your hopes high.”

“You’ve ordered my Christmas gif?”

“Sort of.”

  Maxence put his cutlery down and intertwined his fingers under his chin. He sank his blue eyes into her brown whiskey ones. She immediately looked down and played with her food. It confirmed him that something was wrong with Rose. He needed to know what it was. He wouldn’t let her in peace until she told him.

  “I’m late.”

“You’re late? What does that mean you’re late?”

She lowered her voice, “My period. It’s late.”

  His mouth formed a silent ‘O’ as he realised what it meant but Rose was biting her lower lip nervously. It wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t in their immediate plans. She didn’t want to ruin their career with a possible pregnancy. But Maxence seemed quite happy with this news.

  “It’s just two days, Max. Maybe it’s nothing but…”

“Do you want to do a test?” he asked her.

  He was trying not to be too happy about this news, not to raise his hopes too high. It wasn’t the first time that this scene was happening but they had never really hoped for it to be true until now. He took Rose’s hand in his and gently squeezed. She didn’t have to be nervous. He wouldn’t blame her if she was pregnant. They both wanted it to happen.

  “We can go to Liv. She will do the test. She won’t tell anyone.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t wanna force you.”

“I wanna know.”

  Maxence softly kissed her hand and reassured her that it was okay. He pulled her closer to him and she leant into him. They finished eating and dropped their empty trays on the trolley before heading to the infirmary. Liv was about to leave the place but she stopped her move when she saw the two of them.

  “Do you have a problem?”

  Liv was an old friend of Rose and Maxence. She had gotten this job thanks to them, she wasn’t hiding it. Maxence had wanted people he could trust around him. There was no better people to trust than his friends who thankfully were all specialised in the fields he needed. He had completed his team with the most talented people.

  “We’d like you to…” Maxence cleared his throat and looked around. “Is this possible for you to do a pregnancy test?”

  For a moment, Liv didn’t know what to answer. Then, she realised that it wasn’t any kind of joke. She made them come in the infirmary and took them to the exam room. She did a blood test.

  “I’ll do the test myself and I’ll tell you when the results will be there.”

“Thanks, Liv.”

  That was all. Now, they just had to wait. Rose was still anxious about the results and Maxence was hoping. He had promised not to raise his hopes high but he was still hoping that it would be positive because he wouldn’t have any better gift for Christmas than a child with the woman he loved…

Our last winter © | 2018 | Tous droits réservés.

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[5hfanfiction]

our broken white rose (2/?) ⇾ camren

a/n: i alter tori’s age in the story even though she is four years older than lauren and five years older than camila in real life. her and ally’s ages throughout the book will be a little younger than normal. tori will be twenty-eight.

hope you will enjoy. make sure to comment throughout the chapter, vote and answer end of the chapter questions. thanks for reading, love y'all sm!

***

Each night I put my head to my pillow and try to tell myself that I’m strong. Strong because I’ve gone one more day without her… but I’m not strong. I’m weak. I’m broken.

Looking over at the empty space beside me, I resisted the urge to cry again. I’ve done too much of that today. Even after four years, I find myself missing her more than anything. Everyone around me has accepted the fact that Camila’s gone and she isn’t coming back. So why haven’t I?

The remains of her body was literally scattered all over the backyard of her and Lola’s old home. Maybe I should move on. Jump back into the so called dating world. But wouldn’t that be betraying Camila?

Sighing to myself, I threw my blanket over and off my body and headed downstairs. Maybe a glass of wine will help…

Rounding the staircase and into my kitchen, I nearly shit my pants when I came face to face with one of my daughters. We both ended up letting out an ear piercing scream.

“Luna-Rose! What are you doing up at this hour?” I scolded after catching my breath, hands resting on my hips.

Her brown eyes casted down for a moment before she let out an exaggerated sigh. “I had a bad dream,” she mumbled.

Frowning, I pulled out one of the island chairs and sitting her down on it before sitting down on one myself. “Wanna tell me about it?” I asked softly.

She bit down nervously on her bottom lip. Something she obviously inherited from Camila. Shaking my head, I waited for her to speak. Breaking down in front of my daughter was not on my list of to-do’s today. “M-Momma was in it…” was the only thing she said.

My heart stopped. Luna was roughly around two years old when Camila passed. The only times she ever spoke about her mother was when we watched her performances on YouTube. She didn’t really have many memories about her to talk about. So to hear that she was now having bad dreams about her, well you could only imagine my surprise and heart ache.

***

*Unknown*

This place was fucking creepy. I couldn’t believe her crazy ass is hiding out here. Shaking my head, I brought my hand up to ring the doorbell. Seconds upon seconds passed before a series of locks were heard being unlocked and I was met with the unpleasant view of my stepsister.

“Took you long enough,” Lola hissed, immediately dragging me inside.

“Listen, I’m not Camila. Don’t put your fucking hands on me or I swear to god,” I threatened, shouldering past her into the small cabin like home. I could hear Lola talking under her breath so I turned around to look at her. “Why don’t you talk louder there bud?”

Rolling her eyes, she outstretched her hand. “Did you bring my shit?”

“Nope. But I came with information,” I mumbled, pulling out my phone before showing her the pictures. “Janelle took these for me. Victoria is in town.”

I watched as hazel eyes got wide, “Victoria Kelly?”

Nodding, I shrugged. “You bet. Look Lola, I’m not a fan of what you’re doing. Quite frankly, I think you should be locked the fuck up. You can’t take someone away from their family, have me stage a death for you, make me lie to my dad so he can secretly fund you to keep a roof over your head and have your mom think you died after “killing” Camila,“ I paused. "I don’t like that girl. Never have, never will. She swooped in and took what was mine but you don’t see me going batshit crazy and kidnapping people–”

“Yet you’re over here handing me valuable information in hopes Victoria doesn’t accidentally disclose her relationship with Camila to Lauren,” Lola smirked before rolling her eyes. “You can act like you’re some saint compared to me, but you’re not. Because if you were, you would’ve told Lauren by now that her wife is alive down here with me. You could have had a swat team down here in less than twenty-four hours. Hell, they could’ve came with you. But they didn’t. Look at you, here… alone. You may not be physically hurting anyone, but you’re playing a major role in destroying a family with me. So you can go around playing Mother Teresa, but we both know you aren’t any better than myself.”

***

“How are the girls?” Janelle asked as I took a seat beside her.

I sighed heavily to myself, removing my jacket in the process. “They’re fine. Luna’s staying home with the sitter today. Had a bad dream and went to bed late,” I explained.

Janelle raised an eyebrow at me, “No Lucy?”

I shrugged, “She had a family emergency last night.”

Janelle nodded, not asking anymore question and changing the subject. “Tori is coming in for another session today.”

I frowned in confusion. “Wasn’t she just here for a demo?”

“Yes but she has a few more days in town. Wanted to see if she could test some other things out,” she shared vaguely.

“Alright. Send her down to studio S whenever she arrives,” I mumbled before standing up and heading out.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing Tori again. While her presence was amazing all through yesterday, she just reminded me a whole lot of Camila. Something about her. I wasn’t too sure what.

Entering studio S, I began setting my belongings down and getting ready for whatever Tori had in mind. Now normally I didn’t work with new clients, but lately being so short handed with everyone still getting back from vacation, I had to take on some things I normally didn’t fuck with. Like working with people new to the game.

Minutes later, the familiar curly headed blonde walked in with the same smile that lit up the room. I stood, greeting her with a smile of my own. “Hi Tori, how’s everything?” I asked, walking over to the recording booth, her in tow.

“Good, I’m really excited for today’s session.”

“Oh yeah? I heard you wanted to record a few more things with your spare time in town,” I muttered, searching for suitable headphones.

“Yeah! I realized I didn’t really have much else to do. It’s always been my dream to come to California but with that being just my dream and all, I don’t really know anyone down here. Recording is basically all I have to busy myself during the day.”

I looked at her for a moment before walking out and towards the control panels, picking up any headphone set I saw and handing it to her. “Well that sucks. Not the recording part, the not knowing anyone here part.”

She shrugged, not really seeming bothered. “Yeah well, my friends are back home.”

After having everything situated, I leaned against a nearby wall and stared at her for a few moments. “Yeah. You made that demo for your friend Karla. You guys must be really close.”

Her face instantly lit up at the mention of her friend. I thought it was adorable. Her dimples came out as her eyes twinkled under the dim lights in the studio. “Yeah. She’s my best friend. I met her a few years ago, probably one of the best days of my life. She was so cryptic and closed off, it made me want to get to know her more. I’ve never really been away from her too long since we’ve known each other so this trip is the longest. She’s pregnant with a little boy right now and has the prettiest fiancée. The demo was for her birthday. Its a few months away but you can never be too prepared…” she trailed off.

I kind of tuned her out. She talked a lot… I didn’t really ask for a life story but she was nice… I guess.

I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m usually always up to meet new people but this girl… she reminded me too much of Camila. It was killing me. “So lets start,” I said cutting her off.

***

“Wow,” I breathed. Tori had just finished an acoustic song she had written a few years ago called ‘Funny.’ She had such a soft-spoken way of slapping people in the face with reality. Standing up, I walked over opening the recording booth’s sliding door. “That was amazing Tori,” I complimented.

The blonde haired girl smiled, “Thanks Lauren.”

“Well, I have to head out. Gotta pick up my daughter from school. Janelle can either take over or you can come back tomorrow to work with myself,” I suggested. Tori looked at me for a moment. “What?”

Shaking her head, a small red tint covered her cheeks. “I just-… you’re a mom?”

I scoffed. “Yeah, and?”

Her eyes widened. “No, no I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. My best friend is gonna be a mom. I just… I just didn’t expect you to be a m-mom.”

I nodded, not really caring. I shouldn’t be offended. I don’t even know her like that. “Yeah well, its whatever. You can let yourself out whenever you’re ready,” with that, I proceeded towards the studio door.

“Wait, Lauren?”

I turned around, raising an eyebrow at the blonde. “What?”

“Well, I know you have to go pick up your kid but do you think maybe a-after you can show me around the area? I know I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I don’t wanna spend my time here in my hotel doing nothing but coming here…” she trailed off nervously.

I tilted my head to the side, sighing loudly. “I would love to, but I’m not exactly a tour guide.”

***

“Mommy?” Lana called from the backseat.

“What’s up love?”

“Can we go to the park?” She asked.

I sighed. “No, Luna’s at home. She doesn’t feel well. Maybe another day.”

I could hear her whines of protest but tuned it out. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with a child. Pulling up into my driveway, I quickly exited and made my way towards the back to let Lana out.

As soon as I entered my home, I was greeted by my sitter. Smiling at Mrs. Claudette, I spoke. “Hey Claudette, do you think you can stay for a few more hours and watch both the girls this time? I really need a little me time.”

***

Later that evening Tori found herself wandering around the streets of Los Angeles. She was pretty bummed out when Lauren had turned down her offer to hang out. She didn’t mean to offend her with her initial surprise of being a mom, but apparently she did.

She liked spending time with Lauren. The certain green-eyed girl was almost like Karla when they first met. Cryptically closed off. People like that just always seemed to draw Tori in and she had no idea why.

She shook her head at herself. She had only a couple more days in this city, why was she trying to befriend someone she’d never see again? Long distance friendships didn’t seem ideal to her.

After Lauren had left, she chose to wait for the next day to work with her again instead of Janelle. The woman gave her insanely creepy vibes. Every time she was around her, she felt as if she was the dumb caucasian girl in horror movies waiting to get slaughtered to death. She wasn’t sticking around for that. So here she was, looking like an absolute dumb ass walking around and staring at everything in awe.

Being born and raised in such a small town, Tori hasn’t seen a lot of things. She’s literally never stepped foot outside of Yakutat City up until now. So you could only imagine her surprise when she decided to give the city a look around.

Everyone seemed so open and chill. That’s something you definitely didn’t see in Alaska. The warmth of California was also new to her. Warm days for her were extremely hard to come by. She owned very little amounts of short sleeves and shorts. A pretty common attire over here.

After aimlessly roaming around and passing the same stores over and over, she decided to enter a small ice scream shop called Luca’s Ice Cream Shoppe to grab something sweet to eat.

The place was a lot bigger than she could have expected. On the outside, it looked so miniature and small but on the inside it was huge. A menu of different ice cream styles sat above the counter on the wall. Everything looked and sounded so good. She could hardly believe it.

Walking up to the small line where only two people stood in front of her, she focused on the menu. Trying to find something she’d like before she was up next. She was so focused on all the delicious options that she didn’t even notice the familiar voice that turned her down earlier.

Soon enough, she was next. A man with dark brown hair with several gray strands of hair scattered throughout his head and beard stood behind the counter greeting her with a wide smile. “Well hello there darlin’, what can I get for you today?”

Still having trouble deciding, she shrugged. “Well I’m not really sure. What is your most popular?”

The man opened his mouth to speak, but someone else beat him to it. “Luca’s Mint Chocolate Chip Frozen Custard with almond nuts and strawberry fudge is amazing,” Turning around, Tori was startled for a moment before a small smile spread across her lips. Lauren stood behind her with a cup of ice cream and a small smirk. Motioning towards her own cup, Lauren nodded. “I promise.”

Turning back to the man behind the counter, she smiled. “I’ll have that then.”

***

Walking into my favorite ice cream store, I was greeted by Luca’s wife, Candice with a hug. Luca and Candice have been great friends of mine since permanently moving out to Los Angeles. The girls love them. So much so that Candice is “Granny” and Luca is “Pop pop.” This is our go to store whenever we’re craving something sweet. So pretty much everyday.

“Ah, sweetheart. It’s been awhile since I last saw you. How are my babies?” She asked.

I’ve been seeing Luca regularly but Candice hasn’t been in much lately. Being that she recently opened up her very own flower shop downtown, the Ice Cream Shoppe is somewhere you hardly see her at anymore. I’ve been wanting to bring the girls down there sometime, but free time is nowhere near my friend these days.

“I’m doing good and so are the girls. They’re with the sitter right now actually,” I informed.

Candice frowned at me. “Why didn’t you bring them here? They love ice cream.”

“Well I kind of needed some me time, you know? I haven’t had much of that lately with work and taking the girls to school. Everything has been pretty hectic these last few weeks.”

Candice nodded in understanding, “Well then this calls for our special rumcreamé now, huh? Come on.”

Not leaving any room for me to protest, I shook my head with a small smile as Candice pulled me towards the empty line. Shortly after two other people joined behind me. I looked around as Candice prepared my dessert, greeting Luca in the process.

There were only two people behind me. One being a middle aged lady who seemed too preoccupied with her phone to look up and Tor… Tori?

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Her hotel was nearly thirty minutes away from here. This is odd. She didn’t seem to even notice me as she looked up at the menu with an adorable frown of concentration etched onto her features. Her light brown eyes darted from one option to another every few seconds.

“Here you go Laur,” Luca said, handing me a plastic cup and spoon with delicious looking ice cream. I thanked him and stepped out of line, the woman behind me going up to order her own.

I stood off to the side, eyeing Tori. Had she really not noticed me at all yet? I chuckled lightly to myself, taking a scoop of my ice cream and eating it as I waited. I’m not sure why I’m waiting though… I turned her down. Shouldn’t I be leaving before she noticed me?

Soon enough, it was Tori’s turn and Luca’s voice snapped her out of her small daze. I watched as a blush crept onto her cheeks when she realized she still couldn’t choose what she wanted. I took that as my cue to insert myself into the situation.

“Luca’s Mint Chocolate Chip Frozen Custard with almond nuts and strawberry fudge is amazing,” I shared. Tori instantly turned around, her blonde curly locks bouncing in the process. A small smile formed on her lips as I smirked. She stared at me for a moment before I motioned towards my own cup of ice cream. “I promise.”

She then turned back to Luca with a smile on her face, “I’ll have that then.”

I stood in silence, not really knowing what else to do as Luca prepared her ice cream. Should I go? Should I invite her to sit with me? Should I make small talk? I’m not good with people, alright? I awkwardly picked at my ice cream until Tori was finished.

We both stood in silence for a few moments before Tori spoke, “Do you wanna sit with me? Or am I going to be turned down again?” She asked, a shy smile forming on her lips.

“You smile a lot,” I said before heading towards a table. Taking a seat, I looked back at her. She had a confused frown now. Laughing to myself, I waved her over. “Come sit.”

“Should I stop smiling so much then?” She asked, pulling out a chair from across from me.

I shook my head, “No. It’s cute,” my eyes widened after I realized what I had just said. Coughing slightly, I corrected myself. “Your smile I mean. It’s pretty.”

Tori raised an eyebrow at me before smiling yet again. “Thanks.”

We silently ate our ice cream. It wasn’t awkward but it wasn’t comfortable either. It’s that type of silence between someone you just met where it’s not awkward but you don’t know enough about them to be comfortable either.

A good ten minutes passed before Tori spoke, “So did you ever pick up your daughter?” She asked.

I sighed, nodding. “Yeah. She and her sister are with their sitter.”

Tori looked at me in confusion. “Sister? There’s two of them?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Luna and Lana. Don’t get it confused, they aren’t twins. Everyone thinks that they are when they hear the names. But they’re a year apart,” I explained with a small chuckle. Tori nodded but laughed. I raised an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

She looked up at me then back down at her ice cream. “Nothing. You just don’t have the body of someone who had two kids,” my already arched eyebrow went even higher than I knew possible. Tori looked up at me with red cheeks. “I-I mean, its not that I was looking. You’re just in really good shape and not a lot of people with k-kids can say that they have a nice body still.”

I found myself throwing my head back with a semi loud laugh. “Do I make you nervous? You’re always stuttering around me,” I laughed.

She shrugged to herself, playing with the small amount of melted ice cream in her cup. “No. I just don’t like offending people.”

I nodded in understanding. “Well, just calm down. You’re gonna offend people in life whether you like it or not.”

She sighed with another shrug. “Doesn’t mean I won’t try not to.”

“True…” I trailed off.

“So what does your husband do?” She asked.

I laughed again to myself. “I like my men how I like my coffee. Nonexistent,” after coming out as bisexual I sort of came to terms with the fact that I’m pretty much a lesbian hiding behind the bisexual label to seem semi normal to the unaccepting people out there. But now that I’m older, I know what I am and who I am and if people have a problem with that, that’s them.

She looked at me in confusion for a moment before her eyes widened. “O-Oh, I just assumed… wow. I’m sorry,” she apologized.

I shook my head, “No apology needed.”

“So you have a wife then?”

I felt myself tense before clearing my throat. “Had.”

Tori tilted her head to the side. “Oh you guys got divorced or some–”

“You ask too many questions,” I said as I cut her off, staring off into the distance.

I wanted to get away from thoughts of Camila, not think about her and talk about her to a nosy fucking client. I stood, getting ready to gather my belongings. This is why I don’t get close to people. Always asking fucking questions. What happened to regular, normal questions about your day and shit. Why did everyone want to know about your personal life? I rolled my eyes. Don’t people know that if someone wanted to disclose their personal life to you, they’d fucking do it? Everyone is so dumb. Tori was no different.

“Wait, Lauren I’m sorry! I didn’t know it was a touchy subject,” she instantly stood as well. I scoffed to myself. “Please don’t go,” she pleaded.

I looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “What? I don’t have the right to go when I please now?”

***

Tori shook her head, seeming to grow frustrated with herself. “N-No. I didn’t mean it like that. I just,” she sighed in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

Tori looked down at her lap, playing with her fingers. When was she going to learn? She always found herself prying into someone else’s business unknowingly. She was so stupid. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Lauren. She actually liked her and wanted to be friends with her… for however long she could in this city.

She frowned when she heard the chair pull out and Lauren sit back down. Looking up, she stared at Lauren in confusion. “Aren’t you gonna leave?”

Lauren rolled her eyes. “Nah.”

They sat in awkward silence. Well, at least it was awkward to Tori. She couldn’t help but feel like she upset Lauren. She hated upsetting people.

“I’m really sorry,” she apologized again.

Lauren looked up at her with a raised eyebrow before shrugging. “Apology accepted.”

Tori nodded, “I won’t pry into your personal life anymore. I was just curious.”

Lauren sighed loudly, raising a hand to run through her dark waves. “Tell me about yourself,” she said, ignoring Tori’s last sentence.

Tori didn’t mind the fact that Lauren didn’t want to disclose too much of herself to her. She obviously had some personal things that she wanted to keep to herself. “Well, my name is Victoria, I’m twenty-eight and I’m from Alaska.”

Lauren nodded. “I’m Lauren, I’m twenty-seven and I’m from Florida.”

Tori smiled slightly at that. At least the getting to know each other thing wouldn’t be one sided. Lauren returned Tori’s smile with a genuine one of her own.

They spent hours getting to know each other. Tori found it weird how easy it was to talk to Lauren after she stopped trying to find out things that were too personal. From what she gathered, Lauren had two daughters, a younger brother and sister and music was pretty much her life. She also found out that she use to be in a popular girl group back in the day.

“Wow, I use to watch XFactor all the time with my mom. I can’t believe you were on there,” Tori gushed at she stared at Lauren in awe.

Lauren chuckled to herself. “Yeah, that show changed my life. Its kinda where I met my wife for the first time…” she trailed off.

This was the first time Lauren had mentioned her relationship life since Tori started to pry. She only nodded, not wanting to ask the questions she was dying to ask. “That’s really cute,” she answered simply.

Lauren nodded. “Yeah. Although at the time I didn’t really realize she was the one for me. It wasn’t until after our group spilt seven years ago.”

Tori frowned, “I’m sorry about that.”

Lauren shrugged with a small smile. “It’s okay. I feel like if that spilt never happened, I wouldn’t have realized she was my one and only and I wouldn’t have my two girls. They’re literally my world.”

Tori couldn’t help herself when she asked, “Where is she now? Your wife I mean…”

Lauren glanced up at her before looking away.

***

I could feel the tears coming. I barely knew Tori. Why was I talking about Camila to her? But the four letter word just slipped from my lips before I could stop it. “Dead.”

I heard the small gasp Tori let out, seeing as she brought her hand up to her mouth in shock. “Lauren, I’m so sorry…”

Looking up, I blinked the tears away before smiling softly at her. “Yeah, well. Guess that’s life. It happened years ago though so it’s fine.”

Tori shook her head. “When you lose someone, it’s never fine,” she spoke. “I lost my dad when I was seventeen and I’m still not over it. A part of you dies forever when you lose somebody close to you.”

I tried my best to hold my tears back. I hated this. “Y-Yeah,” I cursed under my breath when my own voice cracked. This isn’t what I signed up for.

Tori reached over and placed her hand over mine that sat on the table between us. “It’s okay to be sad Lauren. Being sad is the only way it’ll get better. All you have is more pain when you can’t let out your sadness.”

I knew Tori was trying to help and I thanked her for that. But I wasn’t someone who’d take advice from someone I barely knew. “Thanks Tori but I’m not sure if you know but, as a single parent, you don’t exactly have time to be "sad.” Being sad isn’t going to help me raise my kids,“ I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but I did anyway.

I rolled my eyes at myself when Tori drew her hand back and looked down. "You’re right, I’m sorry.”

I sighed. “No, I am. I didn’t mean to sound so mean.”

***

The basement door flew open and she quickly tried to crawl further towards the wall. She didn’t want another beating. She just wanted to die.

Lola came down with a glass of water and a piece of toast. “Eat,” she hissed, throwing the plate on the ground and setting the glass down next to it.

Camila’s eyes clouded with tears as she looked down. “Please just kill me Lola,” she begged.

Crouching down, Lola smiled as she ran a hand through Camila’s hair. She then leaned down to place a tender kiss on her forehead. “I would, but I love you too much to do so baby.”

***

a/n: wowowow. welp, i did NOT proof read that. im sorry. im exhausted, lmao. i hope you guys liked this. sorry for any grammar issues.

how did you feel about tori and laurens get together?

who do you think that unknown pov was about?

when do you think lauren and tori will start piecing things together?

what if tori leaves and lauren hasnt pieced anything together yet?

what if feelings grow before lauren realizes camila just may be alive?

thanks so much for reading. please dont forget to comment and vote. it’ll mean a lot. give me some feedback, y'all are the readers, not me.

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thanks so much for reading. make sure to answer end of the chapter questions. i love y'all so much!

ellianna, xxxxxxxx

[rxpunzelwrites-blog]

real quick and sloppy bios that are copy and pasted from dm’s.

keira bishop:

basically she's my little figure skater and she's been on the ice ever since she was a tiny wee one, alongside her older sister hannah. and she and hannah were always super super close bc there was only two years between them so they were each other's best friends. or it was more like hannah was keira's best friend and while keira was also hannah's and hannah loved her to bits, hannah also had other friends? anyway, they were both skating daft wehn they were growing up but hannah went on to join an ice hockey team and the contrast is important bc keira stuck to figure skating which is very much like, a lone sport? and hannah worked way better in a team bc she was so outgoing and friendly so keira hid behind her a lot and only made friends through hannah and she didn't really know how to make decisions without hannah's help and her parents sorta tried to discourage that but she's quite shy so they sort of let her be and figured she would come out of her shell in her own time. but anyway one day during winter, she and hannah went skating on a lake and the ice was really thin? and hannah fell through and like, keira couldn't help her back up so she passed away :( fckn traumatic i know. and keira was a total ghost after it and stuff and like, wouldn't talk to anyone and didn't want to go back to skating and her parents were distraught as well and sent her to therapy and bc she was never one to argue back, she went and it did sorta help and it's been four years now so she /has/ recovered a little? and a little anecdote is that hannah had a boyfriend named josh and he sorta helped as well bc he and keira were both going through the same grief bc they were the two people who loved hannah most, and idk he's an npc in my head but they have the nicest like platonic brother/sister relationship bc he bought her a dog to help her through the grieving process and the pup's name is olaf :D and yeah this is where we get frozen themed~ and steer away from the tragic hiro/tadashi storyline. keira's now a figure skater for disney on ice and she was cast as anna which is a big fucking deal for her bc wow!! everyone loves princess anna!! but it's also hard for her as well bc frozen is about the love between two sisters and having to learn the ins and outs of the movie and perform against an elsa just makes her miss hannah all the more? but yeah she just hopes she can do it justice. and bc hannah isn't around anymore she's slowly realising that she can't just stay lonely anymore and that she needs to make friends who aren't josh and so she's throwing herself literally headfirst into things like she doesn't have a roommate yet but when she does get one it's bc she'll have answered the first 'wanted roommate' ad thing that she saw and so she's really trying to put herself out there and try things she was scared to before by meeting new people even if she does get a bit unnerved sometimes? bc she still slips up and sort of looks for hannah to guide her and panics when she remembers hannah isn't there anymore but she's!! working on it!! and I BELIEVE IN HER.

owen kinney:

first up we have owen who is a wee bit of a lad's lad and likes bar hopping and getting pissed and stuff. he's a construction worker and just sort of always figured that's what he was destined to do bc he never did well in school and so he just thought 'i'll follow in my dad's footsteps' and joined the same construction company his pa works for. but the thing is it's kinda a corrupt company that skips paychecks and overworks its employees and owen's dad is in really bad health bc of it and owen is sooooo fucking hotheaded like, almost as bad as wardo so he's been suspended for mouthing off more times than he can count and the only reason he hasn't been fired is bc it's hard to find someone who'll work in the same conditions he and his dad and the other guys do? and they're not well off at all and he has hayley, his sister, to think of as well bc she needs a bit of protection because she's in ill mental health? so when his dad's joints are sore and he gets sick owen takes his shifts as well and he does tend to overwork himself a bit and his main outlet is sex? he sleeps around a TON, both guys and girls, and he doesn't really think there'sany responsibility tethered to one night stands so long as they're safe and use protection and stuff? so when people call him up the next again day for ditching them after he's done he's just like 'you knew it was a fling, stop chasing me up?' bc he isn't looking for commitment or anything long term? and that's like, basically it for him so far but even though he's kinda half-baked i'm actually super fond of him asdfghjkl

donald henshaw:

THEN THERE'S DONALD AKA MR GRUMPY GRUMP GRUMP. he's english and was previously married but he hates his wife now so THAT'S FUN. basically she cheated on him and then fell pregnant and so it was always dubious like, who the baby's father was but the kiddo looks like donald so it's fair to say he's the dad, but the baby is being raised with the guy donald's wife left him for? and this put donald in a super bad and bitter place and he uses alchol and smoking as a vice and stuff but on top of that he's a screenwriter. and so when that went down, he wrote this really dark comedy script where he based one of the characters on his wife. and it was like a fairly decent film and stuff and di really well with critics and stuff even though it was lowkey misogynistic bc donald is a bitter fuck but like... ngl it's justified bc i hate his wife. so yeah it clicked with her that the movie was about her and she tried to sue donald and everything for defamation of character and stuff but there was no proof that she could prove it was about her unless she took a DNA test for the baby and she refused to do that (BC THE KID IS SO OBVIOUSLY DONALD'S) and oh yeah his wife is an actress i forgot that part, so it basically means that even though he's still in the movie industry as a screenwriter, he genuinely hates actors and actresses a bit bc he thinks they're too up their own arses, esp now he's on a warning and is being pressured to write 'happier' material, so i'm thinking that maybe he gets lumped in to help write the script for cinderella? and that's sooooo not his scene lmao. and yeah he came out to his wife when they were dating and told her he was bisexual but she forced him to repress it because she wasn't homophobic outwardly, like she's one of those 'YAY FOR SAME SEX MARRIAGE' people but she believes in all the stigmas surrounding bi people like they're liable to cheat and stuff EVEN THOUGH WOW HYPOCRITICAL MUCH? so yeah she's biphobic and donald never got to be his best bi self so overall he's a big old bitter british bisexual package of pure and utter GRUMP.

josh atlas: 

josh is still building up for me but what i know is that he comes from a bit of a 'superstar' family so i really am pushing the whole 'son, you're throwing away your dream' 'no dad, i'm throwing away yours' trope, but at the same time hockey is josh's dream and all he wants to do is win the stanley cup and stuff. so yeah growing up he was always going off to hockey camps and joining peewee hockey and stuff and his dad really pushed him to do well and win games and stuff and do extra training sessions and it was all super rigorous and testing for him but he was happy to do it? and he met hannah at a hockey camp and they became best friends and obviously he totally fell for her and she was just the best girl in his eyes and the bishops totally aodred him as well bc they were such a supporting and loving family and he didn't know what that was like bc if they all went to one of keir'a figure skating competitions and she only got like, fourth place then her family would still congrtulate her for getting that far whereas his dad would show how disappointed he was if josh did anything less than get first place. but he still kept it together bc he had hannah AND ROSE WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THESE TWO MORE :) but when hannah died everything got topsy tuvy for him and stuff and his game was gone and his dad was super unsympathetic and kept being faux supportive by telling him that getting back into playing would help him get over hannah but IT DIDN'T BITCH. so he's on anti-depressants and stuff and missed getting drafted into the NHL which is a biiiiiig fucking deal. so his dad was mad at him for missing that and when josh realised how much keira was suffering he pretended to be okay for her sake and so he went back to a strict training regime and the anti-depressants did help, and now he's been drafted for the new york rangers and his dad won't stop bragging about it. thing is, the tablets he takes thin his blood and stuff so when he does get a hockey injury he bleeds for so long and i just have this image of rose being on standby to help clean him up :')

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5 Horror Movies That Made Up Rules Midway Through The Film

Any good movie needs to establish the rules of its universe. The viewer absolutely must know what happens if zombie blood gets in your mouth, or if you give a gremlin a boner. Unfortunately, not every movie can keep its own rules straight. Some make stuff up right in the middle and hope you won’t notice. Spoilers ahead, of course.

5

In Get Out, The Villains Must Vet And Seduce Their Victims Carefully … Or Just Kidnap Random People?

One of the major reveals in Get Out is that even white people who voted for Obama can be racist. Another big one is that Chris’s girlfriend, Rose, only dated him so that her family could hypnotically trap his mind and auction his body off to wealthy brain-rapists. It’s an amazing movie, is what we’re saying here.

Anyway, we’re first tipped off to the evil plot when Chris discovers a troublingly large stack of photographs of Rose and all her (black) exes, including her parents’ weird servants. You might not immediately think, “These are people she’s mentally enslaved,” but it’s worth bringing up.

Universal PicturesAlso, what’s with the box of physical photographs? Are you a hundred years old?

Rose has been dating Chris for five months. And judging from the intimate photos, she’s convinced over a dozen other people to fall for her. This means she has been in the family business of debauching African Americans since she was, at best, a teenager. Forget about how creepy that is; it’s sort of incredible. They’ve been asking this girl to constantly convince strangers to fall in love with her and then betray them since before she could buy beer. She’s the Meryl Streep of brain transplant crime.

Using Rose as a honeypot sounds extremely inefficient, but what else could the family do? The movie clearly establishes that they’ve got to get those people to their house somehow, and it’s not like they can simply abduct anyone on the street.

Except … wait, that’s exactly what they can do.

Universal PicturesTo this guy. This poor son of a bitch right here.

The man in the picture above is Andre. Andre is nabbed while wandering around an upscale suburban neighborhood, presumably looking for an Olive Garden. Rose’s brother, Jeremy, lacks his sister’s bubbly charm, so he apparently knocks out random black pedestrians and stuffs them in his car.

And it’s not like Jeremy’s method is any less successful than Rose’s. Andre was clearly hypnotized, brain-transplanted, and sold with no real problems. Jeremy achieved in a single night what took Rose five full months.

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On top of all of that, Jeremy’s method is significantly safer. While she was dating Chris for half a year, she met all the people in his life — like his friend, Rod, who might wonder why his friend didn’t come back from her house. A bisexual girl who dates only black people is already going to generate some gossip, but if every single one of those people mysteriously goes missing, it’s safe to say that story would get picked up sooner or later. And a string of abductions linked to the city’s most famous interracial sex addict is a much easier crime to solve than a few seemingly unrelated disappearances.

4

In Freddy Vs. Jason, Jason Randomly Becomes Afraid Of Water

Freddy Vs. Jason was supposed to be the horror villain smackdown to end all horror villain smackdowns. But before the two really go at it, Freddy enters Jason’s dreams to see what he fears most. After decades of murder, Jason has been beaten and mangled, sometimes to death, so obviously the thing he fears most is water. Wait, water!?

Specifically, harmless cascading water. It’s … it’s weird.

Later in the movie, Freddy uses this knowledge to his advantage. Right when Jason is about to machete the shit out of Freddy, a pipe bursts, spraying wetness between the supernatural forces of death. There’s nothing special about this water. It’s just water. And it stops Jason right in his tracks. Now, this rule makes sense on paper … if you’ve never seen a Friday The 13th movie. As a boy, Jason first died by drowning, so a phobia of water would not be out of the question. Now here’s a picture of a very relaxed Jason chest-deep in his greatest fear:

New Line CinemaOr maybe he’s scared? It’s hard to tell, of course.

Here he is in Jason Takes Manhattan, wherein he hitches a ride to the big city on a boat’s anchor with no problem whatsoever. This is almost certainly the wettest way to get to Manhattan.

New Line CinemaLook at the poor thing: Scared to death.

Even in a Friday The 13th video game, Jason has no problem getting in the water to do some good old-fashioned lake slaying.

Gun Media“Oh thank god! Rescue me!”

Is it possible Freddy reawakened some dormant fear in Jason? Maybe, but the more likely explanation is that there needed to be some kind of tension in a fight between two immortal fear monsters, and they didn’t hire the world’s most creative writer to develop the story every seven-year-old horror fan thought of first.

3

In It Follows, Shooting The Follower Doesn’t Work (Until It Does)

It Follows is about a monster that follows you if you fuck someone who was already being followed by the monster. Then, if the monster catches you, it fucks you to death. It’s uh … it’s better than it sounds. The whole thing is a not-so-subtle metaphor for STDs, so you would imagine the solution to the problem would be some kind of poetic, maybe metaphorical thing, like convincing teens to practice abstinence, or maybe burning off your genitals. But no. Instead they shoot it.

They straight up shoot the thing dead.

RADiUS-TWC

Now, shooting isn’t a bad idea if you’re looking to kill something, but they establish early in the movie that bullets don’t work on the Follower. Instead of getting on a plane to Australia to wait it out (because the entity can only very slowly walk wherever it goes), the main group of kids decide to hang out at a nearby beach and let it catch up. Naturally, the monster shows up, and the main character, Jay, shoots it in the neck.

This doesn’t keep it down for long. It gets right back up and continues following Jay. This should communicate that it’s a mystical being that can’t be stopped with mortal techniques, but it doesn’t. In fact, the movie soon gets straight up Scooby-Doo. During the big final showdown, the heroes attempt to electrocute the creature in a pool. But when that plan goes belly-up, they decide to finish it off once and for all … by shooting it. Again.

Maybe it’s not a metaphor for STDS, but for how nothing matters and everything’s stupid.

When the pool fills with blood, the kids decide the entity is defeated once and for all. Now sure, there’s a scene at the end which shows it may (or may not) still be following the characters, but the monster inexplicably showing up at the end of the horror film is a tried and true cliche. It means practically nothing. It’s as pointlessly ridiculous as having the monster leap out of the pool on a surfboard and go, “I’ll be back in It Follows 2: Beach Bods!”

2

In 2004’s Dawn Of The Dead, People Turn Into Zombies Just, Like, Whenever The Hell

A lot of zombie movies play their “zombie rules” pretty fast and loose, but the 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake reeeally stretched the boundaries of zombification science. Basically, when people get bitten, they turn into zombies whenever it’s most convenient for the plot.

In the opening scene, Ana’s husband gets bitten in the neck by a zombified neighbor child and collapses on the bed. In the time it takes for Ana to call 9-1-1 and get a busy signal, he dies and pops back up as an undead maniac:

Universal Pictures“HEY! We’re out of toilet paper! I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY WE’RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER! YOU ALWAYS DO THIIIIIS!!!”

Later, when the gang is in the mall, they bring in a truck full of eight people, two of whom have been bitten. One is a lady in a wheelbarrow, best described as 300 pounds of moaning rotten meat long overdue to die from any number of things. The other is TV’s Max Headroom, who has a little bite on his arm.

Universal Pictures“Wait, in what zombie story do you bring me into an enclosed space!? This is fucking crazy!”

Universal Pictures“Wait, someone remembers Max Headroom? This is fucking crazy.”

Max Headroom dies very shortly, but another character, the pregnant Luda, has a similar wound on her arm, and she lasts days, maybe weeks? The movie doesn’t give a clear timeline, but within one montage set to a lounge cover of “Down With The Sickness,” it’s made clear the party is in there long enough to get suicidally stir-crazy.

The point is, Luda lives hundreds, maybe thousands of times longer than other people with the same wound. Maybe her pregnancy had an effect? Meanwhile, the lady in the wheelbarrow seemed to rot into a corpse puddle long before she hopped up as a zombie. Maybe her weight problem had an effect? Is diabetes the cure for zombism?

The characters spell it right out for the audience that bites transit the disease, and yet not a single infection seems to follow the same rules. For instance, the gun shop owner gets bitten on the arm, describes it as “not bad,” and turns undead in minutes. Can the zombie virus tell when it’s time to speed up the plot?

Universal PicturesZombie for “Wrap it up.”

So turning into a zombie can take several minutes, a few hours, or literally weeks, based on whatever reveal is coolest. Maybe the silliest dramatic transformation happens in the climax, when the Ty Burrell “rich dick” character gets jumped by a zombie and moments later comes back as a hissing monster. Which means that within seconds, a zombie kills him, decides to stop eating him, and leaves the area completely. This goes against everything we’ve learned about zombie behavior and most of what we’ve learned about bite timelines, but it allows him to get shot in the face for a callback to earlier in the movie, when Ana said she was going to shoot him in the face.

Universal Pictures“Ha! I knew that line about shooting me in the face would pay off!”

1

In Saw, Jigsaw Lets People Live If They Appreciate Life. Except No, He Doesn’t.

Saw‘s central villain, John Kramer, conducts sinister tests on human beings, only allowing them to live if they learn what life really means. The movies clearly want us to think of Jigsaw as a complicated character. Yes, he’s a murderous criminal, but also sort of a free life coach? Which may be how they justify letting him win at the end of every movie. (Sorry for spoiling Saw, Saw II, Saw IV, Saw 3D, and Jigsaw.)

There’s always some reveal to explain how all the people in Jigsaw’s traps deserve it, and unlike his insane proteges, Kramer himself has a single guiding philosophy he’s trying to carry out. Supposedly, he forces people to appreciate what they have, and if they demonstrate that they’ve learned this, he lets them go. But is that really what he does? Is all of this as stupid as it sounds?

Yes. In one movie, he forces a man to tunnel through a maze of razor wire to prove that he wants to live. The man in question does indeed want to live, and is so determined to do so that he slices his stomach open while fighting his way through. So he proves it, right? No, Jigsaw lets him die. It wasn’t any kind of test; it was a weird murder with torture and puppets that would have killed him less if he wasn’t so motivated to live. Enjoying life isn’t the same as being immune to barbed wire, Jigsaw!

The movie is full of traps built around how much damage a body can take, not how determined the body is to seize the day. For instance, the man covered in flammable jelly and made to tread on broken glass without flinching. Jigsaw watches that poor guy through a peephole and doesn’t once intervene, even as the guy clearly demonstrates his willingness to endure pain to save his own life. He passed, you dick! Call off the murder!

At one point, Kramer leaves a victim in a chair designed to drill into the man’s head if the detectives following him don’t call off the case. What kind of zest for life is that supposed to test? Drills don’t magically stop working when they hit a brain thinking about how it hates dying.

In the history of Jigsaw’s arts and crafts murder spree, only a small handful of people are actually tested on how much they appreciate life. The rest of them are killed in pointlessly unpleasant ways. It’s like Jigsaw created the world’s most infantile, half-baked philosophy solely to justify thousands of hours of death trap construction and bicycling puppet maintenance. How did they make eight movies about that, and only seven about an evil Leprechaun?

Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the Twitter, himself, and with a dirty, dirty spray can in various back alleys. Mike Bedard does a lot more than point out flaws in movies. He also makes his own. Here’s a short he made about Indiana Jones saying it’s okay to punch Nazis. If you like what you see, then follow him on Twitter. Dan Hopper is an editor for Cracked, previously for CollegeHumor and BestWeekEver.tv. He fires off consistent A-minus tweets at @DanHopp.

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