#And happy two year birthday to Village. You're the best.

[mistermamuta]

Everybody stop what you’re doing and look at these screenshots I took of Ethan.

[waywardstation]

I'm Glad You're Here

It is Akari's sixteenth birthday, and a surprise party is thrown for her. She isn't able to appreciate it as much as she wants to though, and Ingo can tell. Emmet also struggles with facing his first birthday without Ingo, but Elesa is there for him.

HAPPY (VERY LATE) SECOND ANNIVERSARY PLA!! What a wonderful game that has given me many friends and creatively compelled me for more than two years!! I tried to get this out on the date, but lots of things made it very hard to. So now it's out on valentine's day instead, so I'll just excuse it with saying this is my love letter to PLA haha, and it fits with palentine's day, as it contains a lot of appreciating friendships and found family.

I wrote this including three prompts that I had gotten, such as requesting something about Akari or Ingo dealing with their birthdays in Hisui, Ingo and Akari acknowledging the found family dynamic I write them with, and Akari talking a little more about her own family.

OR read it here on AO3!

Enjoy! —————

“Goodnight, Akari!”

“Hope you had fun at your party, Akari!”

“Happy birthday, Akari!”

Standing by the Galaxy Hall’s doors with Ember at her feet, said teen thanked partygoers and bid them goodbye as they trickled out into the chilly autumn night. Protecting themselves from the ongoing rain as best they could, they were quick to make their way down the steps and back to their village homes. 

“Oh, Professor! Rei!” Turning away from bidding goodbye to Darego and thanking him for the photos he took, she saw Laventon and Rei were next to leave. “You’re heading out now too?”

“Unfortunately so,” Laventon seemed a bit sheepish, as if apologetic for leaving despite the event having already ended. “Early mornings filled with paperwork are not the most forgiving of late night festivities. Otherwise we’d stay and properly take care of that whole disaster upstairs!”

“No, no, it’s fine!” Akari waved him off with her hand. “I already said Ingo and I would take care of it! Honestly he’s probably already done by now, so it’s fine, you guys can go home! You both already did so much for me tonight with this whole party, anyways; I don’t know how you did it!”

Laventon returned the smile she gave them both with one that was twice as big, seeming very proud with the compliment. “Well it was quite a delight to finally reveal all this, I’ll say; having to keep all of it hidden from you for the last few weeks was by far the hardest part!”

“You did a good job, I had no idea until everyone shouted ‘surprise!’ , honestly.” Akari shrugged her shoulders, giving a little laugh about it. “Thank you for all of this, Professor.”

“You’re most welcome, my dear girl!” Laventon held her in a tight embrace when she stepped forward to give him a farewell hug. “Once again, happy birthday!”

“And Rei, you too; thank you so much for the party,” She next reached out to grab her friend’s arm and pull him into a hug when Laventon stepped aside.

“Well of course-!” He choked out with some strain, crushed in her sturdy grip but doing his best to return the embrace. “You deserved it!”

As the two moved out the door to head back for the night, Laventon gave one last look back, shielding his eyes from the rainfall with one hand. “I hope you have a very good night, we’ll be seeing you tomorrow!”

“Yes, goodnight Akari, happy birthday!” Rei added on, following behind.

“Goodnight, guys!” Akari made a show of waving and bidding them both goodbye, but as Laventon made his way down the steps first, she reached forward and grasped the end of Rei’s scarf, tugging him back.

“Rei, wait!” She whispered, pulling her confused colleague back to her. “Real quick-”

Before he could even protest, Akari reached around behind the Galaxy Hall’s door, and handed him a small woven basket. Holding it out, she waited for him to take it.

“Here, take these. I know the Professor would say no if I tried to give it to him. But it’s for you both, as thanks for putting this whole party together for me.”

Rei studied the basket for a moment. Quickly picking up the sweet smell coming from inside, he put his hands up. “Akari, thank you but we couldn’t take that, those are yours!”

“I know, but please; I love Radisa’s cakes, but I also have a ton of dango from Beni, and Cyllene got me all those imported pastries from the Ginko Guild, and Floaro made me a whole box of muffins…” Akari explained, numbering all the confectioneries with the fingers on one of her hands. “There’s no way I can eat all of them by myself, and I’d rather someone gets to enjoy them rather than let them be wasted!”

“Rei!” Amongst the rain, the professor’s voice called out from down by the units; he’d finally noticed he was gone. “Are you coming?”

Looking back over his shoulder at the call of his name, Akari took the chance to shove the basket into Rei’s hands, to his surprise. “Hey!”

“Uh-oh, yours now!” Akari put her hands behind her back and took a step away from him, a mischievous grin on her face — Rei was now entirely stuck with them. “Guess you gotta take them now!”

“You can’t just- that’s not fair!” Rei seemed stuck between amusement and exasperation as he looked between her and the professor’s direction, caught in the middle of two different options and no proper time to consider them. He shook his head.

“Agh, fine! Thank you for these, Akari, really-” With a free arm, Rei pulled Akari into another quick hug, before whipping around to rush down the steps, protecting the basket as best he could from the rainfall. “Coming, Professor!”

As her colleague made his way down the steps and into the rain, Akari waved him off until he disappeared. Once he was out of sight, the teen’s big smile waned into a more neutral line, and she turned to go back inside the hall. With Ember quick to follow behind as she headed for the staircase, the door closed behind her. 

The drizzle continued on.

—————

“Did we miss another spot?”

Ingo glanced over his shoulder from where he stood up on a chair. Akari had entered the otherwise-vacant room, Ember at her heels while she pushed stray paper streamers aside from where they dangled.

“It appears we overlooked the ceiling,” The warden returned to the task at hand, stretching an arm back up to scrub as Akari came near to watch him. “And I’ve overestimated how stubbornly bean paste clings to surfaces once it’s dried. Would you mind holding that bucket up for a moment?”

“Even up there? Man, Beugene really did get it everywhere, didn’t he?” Akari laughed as she retrieved the bucket from the table and held it up to him – she could already hear Beuregard profusely apologizing again to her tomorrow for letting his wurmple get into (then burst out of) her cake. He really could stand to keep a better eye on Beugene, seeing as Miki’s staravia almost flew off with it the other day, but she truely hadn’t been upset at the incident. It had honestly been too impressive seeing just how much cake and paste the little Pokémon had managed to splatter all over the walls, carpet, and guests to feel mad about it.

“Thank you,” Ingo dunked his paste-covered rag into the bucket, wringing the soapy water out generously before going back to work on one last spot. A couple thorough scrapes, and the last of the cake seemed to finally be gone.

Ingo handed the rag back to Akari as she reached out to take it, having already placed the bucket back on the table. She set it aside as the warden took one last look around the room from atop the chair, a final scan. “There. While I wouldn’t be surprised if a Galaxy Team member somehow finds another spot somewhere tomorrow, that should be the last of it.”

“Ok, now get down,” Akari gestured to the floor with one hand while she held the chair with the other. “Don’t want you hurting your old man back.”

“I’m not that old,” Ingo played along with her teasing as he always did. But regardless, he began to step down with a soft grunt that did suggest some tightness, at the very least. 

Normally, Akari would have pursued it with more of her usual teasing, like asking how old he really was then — he always came up with something funny when she asked that. But she knew he didn’t really remember his age. And yes, he always said it didn’t bother him in the grand scheme of things. But reminding him he didn’t have that right after they had finished celebrating her sixteenth birthday felt uncomfortable, especially considering he didn’t remember his own birth date either. So she left it there this time, watching him get down. 

“Well, exploding cake and its messy aftermath aside, I’d say your party was quite a success; what an array of festivities we had tonight!” With his feet back on the ground, Ingo sang his praises as he set the chair back where it belonged against the wall. “I’m glad to see the sudden rain didn’t dampen the mood; it’s good the professor had opted for an indoor celebration! I do hope you had a good time and enjoyed yourself.”

“Yeah,” Akari began to pick the few remaining scraps of colorful paper out of the carpet, though with a contradictory tone. “I did! It was really nice tonight.”

Ingo’s frown tugged slightly. He pulled down a bundle of streamers and crumpled them together, but he kept a careful eye on her. “…It was all alright, wasn’t it? Because I can understand if the whole, well, cake incident is still upsetting, what with no one actually being able to have any.”

“No, no-” Akari waved it off and turned away from him as Ember handed her a mouthful of paper she had picked up herself, though it also felt avoidant in nature. “Sorry, no, it’s not that. Really, that didn’t bother me! I’m just tired, I guess. It was a really late party!”

Ingo didn’t quite buy it with the way his features held tight. “Well then, that makes two of us I suppose.”

A couple times tonight near the party’s end, he had wondered if something was bothering her. It surely seemed so, but asking unobtrusive questions and gently inquiring if certain things were ok had come up with nothing but reassurances. But still, something felt wrong. As the evening went on, Ingo had been suspecting it went a little deeper. 

And when the teen asked if he could possibly stay back and help her clean up, he was afraid it went even deeper than he initially suspected. Like, displaced-person-problems deep. Something he would come the closest to understanding out of everyone here. It was her birthday today after all, being spent in a time period she didn’t belong to. He could easily see it being a day of conflicting emotions, if that was the problem. 

But Ingo didn’t know if Akari was simply seeking company from him, or conversation. And if it was as personal as he thought it was, he would never ask about it before she was ready. So for now, he would stick to the former, but he was prepared for the latter if she asked for it.

“Ok, I think that’s all of it.” cramming the last of the colorful paper scraps into a wad, Akari dropped the last of it into a bucket they’d been using for trash. Besides a table standing a little crooked, and a few chairs a little out of line against the wall, it seemed they had restored it to its previously-clean, empty state. “Thanks for staying after to help out, Ingo.”

“I was happy I could be of service,” Picking up the scraps-filled bucket and stuffing the streamers into it, Ingo went for the doorway and stood at the exit. “Before I dispose of this and depart, is there anything else you’d like any assistance with?”

Another chance for her to get out what was clearly weighing on her. But only if she wanted to. Grey eyes patiently watched her as she looked off to the side, clearly considering what to say.

“Um. I’ve got like, a ton of gifts downstairs.” Akari pointed down, in general reference to the floor below. “Would you be able to help me take them back to my unit? Normally I wouldn’t mind a couple trips, but the rain…”

Ingo gave her a flat-lined smile. “Not a problem at all. I’d be happy to help you carry the extra cargo.”

–––––

The drizzle was there to greet them all when Ingo pushed one of the Galaxy Hall’s doors open with his back, holding it open as Akari and Ember hurried out. Carefully going down the slippery steps, they hurried down the empty street to the teen’s unit, burdened with various birthday presents.

“Quiw!” Ember reached the door first, and eager to get out of the rain, squeezed through the moment Akari opened it by a crack. To the teen’s dismay, her Pokémon began shaking the freezing rain out of her fur with a vicious full-body shake.

“Ember, no! You’re supposed to do that outside!” Akari scolded the quilava as she opened the door the rest of the way, but she already seemed resigned to the fact she’d have to dry the floor and walls off later. She opened up her damp blue hanten, now bulging considerably with boxy shapes, to quickly remove the gifts she had sheltered inside it. At least they were still dry.

Ingo stepped into the doorway after her, holding his own similarly-bulging coat closed around the rest of the gifts. Akari retrieved a towel and began to chase after a protesting Ember with it as the warden placed her presents down near the door, but he then stepped back out to wait under the unit’s eave. He wanted to minimize how much rain he tracked inside – he wouldn’t add to the trails of puddles that Akari and Ember were currently leaving all across the floor.

“Ember! You’re dripping everywhere!”

“Qwill!”

Akari was completely absorbed in catching her Pokémon, Ingo could see. He supposed part of him had been curious if she had wanted him to come with her so she could share what had been bothering her – maybe she just hadn’t wanted to say anything at the party, which was understandable.

But now he supposed not, and that was ok. Maybe she’d share another day. Or maybe not at all. But regardless, he had given enough openings for it, so it was now entirely up to her on if she wanted to share or not.

“Well,” Ingo cleared his throat, “I suppose I should get going then, and leave you two to enjoy the rest of your night.” He pulled his cap down further over his eyes in anticipation of going back out into the rainfall. “But I’d like to say that I had a wonderful time at the party tonight, and thoroughly enjoyed being a part of it. I hope today’s celebrations made for a fulfilling and memorable day with those close to you, and I wish for even better ones in the future. Once again, happy birthday Miss Akari, and goodnight.”

“Wait! Ingo, wait-” Akari abandoned the chase. Throwing the towel at Ember (who was subsequently swallowed up by it in an instant), she came back to him. Arms wrapped around his middle and squeezed tightly as she hugged him. “Thank you. For being at the party, and for helping me after. And for the really nice birthday wishes too.”

“You’re very welcome.” Ingo returned the hug as best he could. “Sixteen is a special milestone, after all.”

The restraint that was Akari’s arms only tightened instead of loosening. She stood against him, turning her face into his tunic and let out a long sigh. She didn’t say anything immediately. Ingo wondered for a moment if he had said something wrong amongst those ten short words.

“...Sorry, I know you’re tired and you have stuff you gotta do tomorrow, and you’re trying to leave,” She finally looked up at him. “But, would you mind sticking around for a second? It won’t take that long. But, um, I can make us some tea.”

So she did want to talk to him. 

Ingo’s frown once again pulled into a neutral line, his eyes indicating a reassuring smile behind the shade of his hat’s brim. He would certainly be tired tomorrow, but he found that didn’t bother him much in this moment. “Of course.”

—————

“I… don’t believe I follow. What do you mean it didn’t count?”

“I mean it didn’t count, because today can’t actually be my birthday. Like I didn’t actually turn sixteen today.”

With one hand absentmindedly stroking alongside Ember’s back as she curled further into his lap, Ingo watched Akari take the steaming tea kettle from off the irori. The warmth from the pit was a welcome heater against the cold breeze of the cracked-open window behind him — he would have preferred it closed, but Akari liked to listen to the rain. “But today is the date of your birthday, correct? Did we get it wrong? Oh dear, I… I apologize profusely if we did!”

Firsthand embarrassment crept close. No one ever liked to have the date of their birthday forgotten, or gotten wrong. Secondhand embarrassment trailed behind. He knew Akari would never have the heart to tell everyone they got the wrong day after everything they had planned. It must have been so awkward to know the whole time and not say anything for everyone else's sake; no wonder Akari seemed so bothered today.

“Woah, no, it’s nothing like that!” Akari briefly stopped pouring the tea, surprised at how flustered Ingo seemed to get. “Sorry! No, you guys didn’t get it wrong! And I mean technically, today is my birthday. But it's also… not?”

“...While that is certainly a relief, I’m afraid I am still in the dark.” Ingo insisted. 

She had told him once that some things felt wrong, like her name. It hadn’t seemed wrong and she certainly felt it as her own, but for all she could remember, she could never recall the name ever leaving the mouth of her friends or family during moments with them. Not even her mother.

She had considered when she was put here, some personal information had been messed with in her memory to ‘protect’ things. She said it would make sense if her name was one of those things. She also said maybe she was entirely wrong and had watched too many time-travel sci-fi movies, a concept he could only dimly recall once re-explained at length. 

Ingo couldn’t tell her if she was right or wrong about that. But he was aware of her thoughts on this by now, and he wondered if she had begun to suspect if her birth date was one of those altered things as well.

Setting the kettle back over the irori and getting up with the two cups of tea, Akari handed one to Ingo as she sat down next to him against the wall. Ember, who had previously been comfortable in Ingo’s lap, immediately abandoned him for Akari’s instead. “Um, ok. Let me try and think of how to explain this… Oh, wait- I have stuff I’ve written-”

Leaning over Ember, Akari reached into her satchel, now placed near her bed. She pulled out her Pokédex and set it across her quilava’s back. Ingo, both intrigued and surprised, sat forward to get a better look. She had written things down about this? He watched her flip through the back pages until she reached the sections she had been looking for. 

Notes. Dates. Scribbled out nothings. Timelines of the year by its months. Arrows, jumping backwards and forwards on said timelines. Numerous question marks etched deep and dark with frustration.

Page after page. Attempt after attempt trying to understand.

Ingo blinked, keeping down a reflexive mouthful of questions. Whatever this was, it had been bothering her for a long time, clearly. And she had been trying to figure it out by herself the whole time, because this was the first he had heard or seen anything about it.

“Ok, so I remember that before I was put here, when I was still at home, it was almost spring. It was at the beginning of the year, nowhere close to my birthday! But after I got here, and I first showed up on Prelude Beach,” Akari held up the Pokédex, tapping at the page. “I learned that here, it was almost fall. And only a few weeks after my birthday!”

She was tapping at one of the many timelines she had made that took up two pages, surrounded by notes and question marks, and overall seeming to be one of the simpler ones. All of the months of the year, in chronological order. There was a blue dot on March, and on August, a red dot — an arrow connected the former to the latter.

“I skipped like, five months ahead into the year when I was brought here. Kind of. I went back in time, but like, that doesn’t affect my age, does it? So looking at it that way, I really just kind of lost five months, if I went straight from March to August?” The notes lost Akari’s gaze as she blinked up at Ingo, as if wondering if she was even making any sense to him. “Right?”

“Uhm,” while the diagram she had written out certainly helped visualize the jumble somewhat, this was still a lot for Ingo to process. He sat back, scratching under his hat with one hand. “I might require another run-through or two to fully comprehend it, but I believe I’ve grasped the gist of it. That seems probable.”

Perhaps it was because he himself had no birthday, year, date, or even season of his own to compare with as a reference point anyways, but he’d never really given much thought to something like this. It made sense though, he thought. Just because someone went back in time on a certain day, doesn’t mean they’d show up in the past on that exact same day, down to the second. Akari certainly could have showed up here, with the year five months ahead from when she left her own time.

Not that it even mattered much, but maybe something like that had happened to him as well.

“Ugh, I’m sorry, I know all of this sounds so confusing, and all these scribbles probably aren’t helping. It was hard trying to figure this out with nothing but books to use as reference.” Akari seemed to become self-conscious of her rant; she closed her Pokédex and set it down at her side, replacing it with her cup of tea. “But I know dates aren’t the same. It was technically my birth-day today, yes, but not my birthday . It hasn’t been an actual year since my last birthday. I honestly don’t count myself as turning sixteen for another five months.” 

“Well, I can understand the conflicting emotions with the celebrations now.” Ingo swallowed down a long sip of tea in order to verbalize his sentiments. He did not understand, though. Not entirely. When he listened to her talk, he heard confusion, and perhaps a little self-directed frustration. He didn’t exactly hear the well-hidden sadness he saw at the party. 

This didn’t feel like it was all of it. But he was beginning to suspect he knew what the rest of it was, and he would not broach it himself.

“It was entirely unintended, I’m sure you understand, but all the same, I’m sorry to hear that the party brought up unwanted reminders.” He added on another statement to address it as best he could, more genuine to his true thoughts. “I’m sure the others would be too, if they were aware.” 

“I know, I know… and I feel bad about that.” Akari confessed. “But they didn’t know. And I don’t want them to.” She looked down into her tea. “It wasn’t like, obvious that I was bothered at the party, was it Ingo?” 

“Not particularly,” He half-lied. It certainly hadn’t been obvious, but it had been enough for him to suspect something, at the very least. He couldn’t speak for anyone else though, and he doubted anybody would ever be able to guess the reason if they did notice anything. “I don’t believe anyone would suspect themselves as the cause of your troubles.”

“You were asking me a lot tonight if I was ok.”

“An exploding birthday cake can be quite a distressing matter.”

The dry humor got a little laugh out of Akari. “…Yeah, ok. But. It’s just…”

Ingo waited.

“I don’t know,” she stumbled, though Ingo could see she very clearly knew. “The party wasn’t really the problem. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate everything they did, because I really did! I know it took a lot of work! But… I dunno.” She stumbled again. “You saw the party tonight. It was huge! And it’s not like it wasn’t super fun, because it was, or that it was too much for me or anything, because it wasn’t , but I kind of just…”

Akari shrugged, looking off to the side. Ingo watched her, patient as she set her cup down on the windowsill behind them and began fidgeting with her scarf.

“I don’t know, I guess I wished my mom had been here to celebrate it too.” Her voice wavered for a moment. “Even though I know that’s impossible right now. I just didn’t want her to miss it. Or more like do it without her, I guess. She would always talk about how turning sixteen was so big and so important, and it was going to be a special milestone. Just like what you said earlier.”

Oh. So it was something he had said. 

“I think my mom was looking forward to this birthday more than I was!” Akari continued. “SO I felt bad that I did it without her. And I really miss her a lot, all the time. And I know she doesn’t know what happened to me. And I’m worried about that, and I just… Yeah. I didn’t want her to miss it.”

Ingo bit the inside of his cheek; it was what he suspected it to be – missing her family. Her mother.

But despite all the growing suspicion he let build up inside him over the course of the night, shamefully, he still wasn’t quite sure what to say. Akari’s mother was rarely the topic of their discussions, on account of the teen’s own emotional distress over it. Ingo never tried to bring it up on his own, and treated it with caution the few times she would bring it up herself, but it meant words always came slowly and with much difficulty when they would turn to it.

“That’s why today just can’t be my birthday. I want to be back with my mom by the time it actually is.” Akari kept handling the fabric of her scarf. “Because tonight I just kept thinking about how she was missing it. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to ever have something like that again. And I’m afraid that she thinks that too.”

“Oh, Miss Akari,” Ingo set down his own cup as she looked back up at him, sniffing with newly-misted eyes that threatened to well up. The sign that that was all she was going to say on the matter, and she was done. He opened his arm when she leaned closer to him, and she slumped into his side at the invitation, rubbing at her eyes to catch anything before it could fall. “I’m so sorry, I know you miss her dearly.”

A child separated from their mother. A mother who doesn’t know what happened to their child, or if their child is dead or alive, and is only more inclined to assume the former as time goes on. Except the child is not, and has no way to reassure the mother, or comfort her — no way to tell her she’s still alive, and that she hopes she doesn’t somehow suspect it’s her fault, and that she’s thinking of her every day while trying to find a way back to her. 

It should not be this way. 

But it is. 

Ingo’s heart hurt; did he leave behind some terrible situation like this as well? Broken hearts and unanswered questions? It was easier for him to forget possibilities like this sometimes, when memories were not there to remind him of them.

“I do.” The teen settled more comfortably, rubbing at her eyes again when Ember reached up to lick at any stray tears. Her voice was shaky, but not uncontrolled — she took a deep breath to regain it. “It is really hard.”

Gears were turning in Ingo’s head, trying to figure something out. What could he say to this? She had been upset to the point of tears, and he wanted to comfort her. But he could not offer a promise to her, telling her she’d get back to her own time, see her mother again, and celebrate with her the way she wanted. Because as much as he wanted it to happen for her, he just did not know if it would. And Akari knew he did not know. Telling her something like that would just be empty, and maybe even painful. And he felt that lamenting the ghosts within white-out memories was a different kind of heartache compared to the vivid grieving over separation from one’s mother. Or maybe it was. But he didn’t know if in trying to console her with relatability, he would end up referencing too much loss, or not enough. What could he possibly-

“But it’s been easier. With you around.”

All the overworked lines speeding through Ingo’s mind halted. “...Oh?”

“I mean, you’re like the only other person in this entire world that can understand this whole thing right now. Like, really understand it. Even though I know they’ll listen, I don’t really know how to bring this stuff up to other people sometimes, because these aren’t things that anyone can really help.” Akari went on, seemingly not even noticing that he had mentally stalled. “Like I obviously couldn’t tell Rei or the Professor the party made me feel like this after all the time they spent putting it together for me, that would be terrible. And I don’t know how obvious it was, but I kind of took a long time working myself up to even tell you tonight. Even though to me, you’re like my, um…”

A very heavy pause as she mulled over her words.

“...I don’t know, my time-travel buddy here.” 

Akari pet Ember as she talked, who by now had settled back into her lap, seeing as there were no more tears. Ingo found some appropriate humor in the title she gave him, but was otherwise quiet. She wasn’t finishing her sentences with a tone that suggested she was really done; it seemed like she kept wanting to say more but was cutting herself short.

“So… thank you for listening to all that. It’s just nice to have someone to talk to that really understands what I’m talking about.” Was all that came out instead, all that summarized her feelings on the matter. “I just wanna say I’m glad you’re here too, so I don’t feel so out of place, or lost, here.”

Ingo took in a breath, ready to thank her for such kind words and add in a reassurance that yes, he was there for her, but it seemed the moment of silence had led to quick reflection, then overthinking; Akari became noticeably flustered, suddenly leaning off of his shoulder to sit up straight.

“I mean, wait, no-” She stumbled. “I’m… I’m not saying I’m like, happy you ended up here just to make me feel more comfortable or anything, of course not! It’s terrible that it happened, especially the way it did! Obviously! I’m just-” 

A pause to gather her thoughts. 

“I’m… thankful I have someone else who can understand my situation, and helps me. And I’m not alone in this. Is what I’m trying to say. If that makes sense.” Akari finally killed her choppy ramble by taking a hasty sip of her tea. 

“I understand,” Ingo tried to reassure the flush of embarrassment on the teen’s face; it hadn’t come across like that at all. “And as long as we’re being honest, I must admit I hold similar sentiments.”

He leaned his head back against the wall. Staring at the square of dim moonlight stretched across the floor from the window behind them, he watched the shadows that the rainfall projected as it came down outside. She told him she appreciated that he listened and talked through these things with her, but he hadn’t said much of anything yet. Well, now it was time to do that.

“I hope I’ve been transparent enough about just how much your arrival has changed my tracks for the better.” He started slowly, idly turning his cup of tea in his fingers. “From when I first arrived here until our routes crossed, I felt… entirely derailed. You know that. I’m even sure you can recall that disposition from when our tracks first crossed.”

“Yes,” Akari slowly allowed herself to settle back against his shoulder. She didn’t really give their first meeting much thought these days. Looking back, it felt polarizing to compare him to the man she had first been introduced to, now paling as distant and directionless in comparison to how he was now.

“But I’ve regained an amount of myself that I thought was indefinitely lost due to your assistance. I know that I lived in a time period comparable to yours, if not the very same — wouldn’t that be something?”

It had to be the very same, Akari just knew it was.

“I also know that I conducted many exciting battles alongside someone who enjoyed them just as much as I did, if not more. And I know that this someone was similar to me in many ways, and very dear to me. Perhaps family, from what I’ve gathered at this point. And while the identities and locations are still quite blurred, I’ve recovered many fragments that indicate I was fortunate enough to be loved by friends and family, seemingly up until my sudden derailment.”

Akari recalled the times when Ingo first remembered these things. When she first helped him recover shards of these cracked but significant recollections, whether purposely or accidentally. 

He always cried. 

Whether that was uncontrollably in the moment with her, or later in the evenings when he had resigned himself to the privacy of Lady Sneasler’s den, there were always tears. 

She knew it hurt him to recall such loving, warm, comforting memories when all his situation did was serve as a reminder that it was out of reach, had been for a long time, and may still be for much longer. Questioning if it would ever be felt again by the same people who extended so much love to him, and he couldn’t even do them the decency of remembering their faces. Weaponized grief accusing him that it had all been taken for granted – that it hadn’t been appreciated enough back then.

Akari knew, because she would cry over similar things when she was alone at night, sometimes.

But she could do that. She was a teenager. Teenagers could cry. 

Ingo was an adult. Adults could cry too, but it always felt harder to deal with when it was them. Especially when it was Ingo. Ingo, someone who always comforted her. Ingo, who didn’t cry.

At least, he didn’t before he started regaining these memories that she’d helped recover.

“But, it…” Akari looked down into her cup of tea, conflicted. In a way, she felt like Ingo was thanking her for simultaneously helping and hurting him. “I mean, it feels like-” She didn’t know how she wanted to phrase it. “-I know it hurts a lot sometimes, to remember. Would you… knowing what you know now, would you rather not have, um…”

It seemed Akari was becoming disheartened with the question, probably beginning to find it an insensitive question to ask. Ingo understood what she was getting at, and she realized that.

“Nevermind,” she finally ended the struggle and cut herself off. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.” Ingo reassured her. “It can be quite hard, yes, to know what I’ve been removed from. It weighs heavy on my heart when I stop to reflect on it. But I know I have something to return to now. And while it can be painful at times, it is, to me, a welcome change from the plaguing hollowness of loss and confusion. I would not have, well… myself without you, and for that I am immensely grateful.”

It was heartening to see his words put her at ease, but he realized he was getting off track from what he was trying to express.

“ Ahem, all of this is to say; likewise, Miss Akari, if I had any say in the matter, I would not wish for you to be displaced here either. Yet you are. And as unfortunate as it might feel sometimes, all one can do is make the best of their situation. And there was nothing either of us could have done about our destination, but your presence at this station is a pleasant one, both in company and agency.” Ingo cleared his throat. “I am thankful for our friendship.”

“Me too…” Akari sounded almost choked up again, her voice quiet. “ See, you always know what to say. Thank you.”

The ambience of the rainfall against the unit’s eave became prevalent as conversation died. They sat like that for a while. Whether listening to the rain or replaying the conversation in her head, Ingo didn’t know what it was that Akari was doing. But the relative darkness in the room, the internal warmth of the tea, and the relaxing pattering of rain against the roof outside was a very dangerous combination for him. His eyes were already growing heavy, he should probably get going before he falls aslee-

“Hey Ingo,” The warden started when he felt a bony elbow suddenly nudge him in the side. “When we both get back, I’m gonna have another birthday party, one on my actual sixteenth birthday, with my mom there so that she doesn’t miss anything this time.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Ingo yawned, sitting forward to help rouse himself from the weakening grip of sleep. She was treating an ‘if’ like a ‘when’, and he sometimes warned her about doing that, but he found that right now especially, he couldn’t not indulge her a little.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna have tons of balloons, streamers and confetti everywhere.” Akari leaned her head against his shoulder to look back at him. “Like so much, even five days after the party, you’ll sneeze and confetti will still come out.”

“Every proper birthday party needs that.” Ingo couldn’t help but huff a laugh through his nose at the visual she’d constructed. “What colors for the theme?”

“Everything’s gonna be blue, of course!” She knew that he knew her favorite color would be the only choice. “You know that! Oh, and also, one birthday cake that’s the size of two! To make up for the one that exploded today!”

“What flavor?”

“Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. So everyone can have a flavor they like. And-” Akari sat up and fully turned to him, like this next part was serious. “I'm gonna have every single one of my friends and family come. So that means you’re going to be invited too! And anyone else you wanna bring! I’ll get to introduce you to everyone there!”

Ingo smiled. Because it did sound nice, truely. But the small smile quickly dulled. Indulgence aside, he didn’t want to encourage setting herself up for hurt. “You know I would love to. And if I can, I certainly will. However… Miss Akari, I truly hate to bring it up, but please be mindful of what we’ve talked about. I wouldn’t want there to be… any hurt. In case our tracks do not run as close as expected.”

Hopeful prospects built upon skewed expectations are terribly vicious if time reveals those expectations are wrong. It would leave deep wounds if they did go back to their own times, only to be separated by a gate of decades that stretched so far, they’d only ever be able to assume that’s what had happened, and never know for sure. But it would hurt more if they had convinced themselves that would not happen and took that as fact. 

And so Ingo did not. 

And while Akari had said over and over that she did not either, he could tell that really, deep down, she did.

And all of this wasn’t even considering the very real possibility that Ingo might not have a ticket back home like she did. She had told him time and time again that she’d drag him back by the arm if she had to, and stop anything that tried to keep her from doing so, but… what was a teenager against the Unknown?

“I know, I know.” Akari said it with concerning brevity. “But we have to come from the same time. How could we not? You also know what Pokémon gyms are, and contests! And you actually know what double battles are, too. And you know what cellphones are, and pizza, and video games!”

“It is… convincing.” Even though it was more vague than anything that narrowed things down to decades, not a single year, Ingo decided to just leave it there for now. This was not something to talk about at length tonight. Not after all she had just told him.

“So you’re gonna need to come! I really want to introduce you to my mom. I know she’d wanna meet you after all you’ve done for me! Knowing her, she’d probably try and repay you with tons of home-baked things, and I need to warn you she’s going to hug you with the strength of an ursaring trap.”

“Ah, well now I know where you get that from.” 

A quick, simple sentence said without much of a tone, but Akari caught the humor of it. She laughed into her tea. “No, hers are like three times as strong as mine!”

With her leaning into her cup, Ingo did not see the playful look she gave him in the stretch of silence. 

“And, just thought you’d like to know, she’s single too…”

“O-oh-” Ingo found himself sitting forward suddenly, his ears steaming hot with sudden embarrassment at the implication. Arceus, of all the ways for her to confirm his suspicions that a father probably wasn’t present. Surely not- “I- no no, with all due respect Miss Akari, I don’t think that would-!”

“Kidding, kidding, I’m kidding!” The teen shouted in between laughs, pushing his shoulder playfully and giving him a big, stupid smile. “Geez, you’re always so easy! I know! That wouldn’t work anyways, you’re like… the weird, distant uncle I didn’t find out about until like a year ago, if anything.” 

“Weird uncle?” Ingo snorted at the notion, perhaps a bit too loudly — he hadn’t been expecting that, but it was certainly less heart attack-inducing than the former proposition. 

“Yes!” Taking his laughter as disagreement more than surprise, Akari shoved his arm again. “I mean, you let me do a lot of things that I don’t think responsible parents would let kids do-”

“Because I’m- I’m not your parent,” Ingo hastily tried to correct her, still somewhat processing the topic. “And I’m not letting you, I’m simply ensuring you’re performing the proper safety checks when doing them!”

One would have much more success trying to properly equip her with tools and knowledge than to try and stop her from doing anything she was set on doing. Anyone who knew Akari well enough would know that. 

“Yeah, well, I know my mom would kill me if she knew of all the dangerous things I was doing, and you don’t. There.” The teen poked him several times to drive her point home. “That’s what uncles do. And, you respond to my jokes with more jokes, and you like all my pranks-”

“I wouldn’t say all of them,” Ingo squeezed in, shaking his head but allowing himself to laugh a little.

“-and you let me hang around you like every time I come by, and you listen to my problems, and you help me when I need it-”

“You make it out to be a chore, I assure you it’s not-”

“-and! And! I don’t know how you do it, but you can fall asleep anywhere within like, thirty seconds.” Akari started snickering, looking back at him to see his reaction. “You were doing it like two minutes ago! I’ve only ever seen three types of people do that.” She began numbering off with her fingers, “Dads, uncles, and grandpas. You kind of best qualify for the latter in that area because you’re like, super super old, but…”

“Hey!” Now it was Ingo’s turn to nudge her with his arm – she was already joking with him again. She laughed more freely this time, quickly settling back against his shoulder.

“Point is, you’re um, kind of what I wished my actual uncle would have been like when I was growing up… if that’s not too forward to say. You’re the weird, distant uncle. Except the weird is a good weird, and the distant part wasn’t your fault. I appreciate that you um, basically look out for me here. It helps with missing my mom.” She finished, ending it by returning to her cup for another long sip of tea.

What a confession. 

Ingo had known she had grown very attached to him over the months, and he could not deny he had done the same. She had made it very easy, he supposed; her frequent company filled time that had previously been spent alone, and those times were much happier now. And while he had grown to feel some sense of responsibility over her – she did often follow advice or guidance from him anymore, so logically there was some responsibility there – but he hadn’t thought much past it. He never felt like he had to.

However, she basically just admitted she felt like his ward, if he could compare it to anything. He had not known she had grown to see him like that, exactly  – he wasn't sure he even saw himself like that – or when that had even first begun. 

But it was comforting, in a way. Whether he had a spouse or children before Hisui, he did not know – he very much doubted it, but realistically, he didn’t know for sure. And siblings? Or parents? The scratched-out faces and names that haunted his cracked memories never made it clear. Those people could have been family, but they could have also been just close friends, and while that was certainly family in its own way, it was… hard, not really knowing. 

And although he certainly did consider the Pearl Clan his family in Hisui, eternally indebted to Irida and the rest of the clan for their kindness to him, the circumstances of his acceptance had unfortunately felt purely obligatory or pitiful by some. It felt... different. And he didn't know if that would ever change.

So it was nice to hear someone call him family. 

Akari had never said that phrase explicitly, but basically confessing of her own volition that she saw him as a member of hers was, in all honesty, painfully consoling and cathartic.

Ingo realized he hadn’t said anything yet. He turned to address the teen; she was sipping the last of her tea, but her cheeks were pink now, eyes down as she pet Ember with her other hand – she had grown self-conscious of her vulnerability in his silent processing, perhaps thinking he didn’t reciprocate the proposed connection. Or worse, he thought she was clingy for it.

She had confessed everything to him that she’d held back earlier, hadn’t she? 

“Well, I am glad to know I live up to the expectations then, Miss Akari.” He made sure to give her a smile, still turned down in the corners but clearly, genuinely happy with his eyes. “I believe the feeling is mutual.”

Very few words, but relieving and emotional all the same. Arms reached around his shoulders to give another steel trap hug. “Thank you. For that. And for talking with me tonight. I know I said it would be quick, but…”

“It’s quite alright. I’m glad we could talk as well.” Ingo picked it up when she trailed off, squeezing her back with an arm in a side hug.

Weird uncle. 

Yeah, he supposed he could get used to that.

“Ok then, you’re definitely going to need to come to my real birthday party now, no way you can’t.” Akari finally let go of him. Ember leapt off her lap and onto the floor as she moved to stand up and collect both of their tea cups, now empty. “And you’re gonna have to start showing up to family barbecues too! And your own family’s gotta come too, so you can introduce them to mine, and we can get even more get-togethers!””

She was joking, but he could tell she also was not. Another pang of future uncertainty dampened the sentiments, but Ingo looked past it as he made his own move to get back to his feet, and help her put everything away. “I can certainly try my best to do so.”

Hmm. His own family too. 

His heart ached. He did wish he could remember them. He found himself wanting to meet them just as much as Akari did, if not more. (Surely though, he did.)

A part of him once again wondered if they missed him the way he missed them. Or the way Akari missed her mother.

—————

“Thank you, Elesa. I know you didn’t have to.”

“Please, don’t even mention it! You know I’d never pass up another opportunity to drag you around with me.”

Emmet pulled his cap down over his eyes as he stepped out of his apartment to join his friend. After he locked the door, the two of them began to make their way down the stairs to the street below. “Though I’m happy to go with you, I'm sorry to hear about Skyla. That was very unfortunate timing.”

“It really was; she said she’s already feeling better, though! She just told me to tell you to enjoy the premiere for her.” Elesa hooked her arm around Emmet’s as they continued down the steps.

It genuinely had been unfortunate timing for Skyla to catch a cold only a few days before the premiere of Pokéstar Studios’ newest movie that Elesa had a part in. But even if she hadn’t, herself and Elesa had long before agreed that they were going to come up with an excuse to take Emmet in her place anyways.

His birthday was not until tomorrow, and while many things had been planned with friends and family to occupy the day with good times and love, Elesa did not want him confining himself to his dark apartment tonight. Things were often just as painful the day before, as well.

“Skyla’s name is on the ticket.” Emmet absentmindedly observed as she handed the decorated slip to him. The dozen pokeballs within his coat weighed heavy for a moment. “And all of my Pokémon will be there, not Skyla’s. Will I have to show them ID or something?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it when we get there.” She reassured him. “Again, last-minute stuff, but I can work that out pretty easily.”

“Mmm,” Emmet hummed. That seemed like it would be his only response. But as he continued to scrutinize the name on the ticket, he spoke up again. “It’s ok, Elesa. I know that this was not last minute.”

While she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, Elesa also couldn’t say this wasn’t unexpected. Emmet had always been very good at picking up on things. 

She just didn’t want him to think this was being done out of pity or anything.

Which maybe part of it was, how could it not be? But moreso, Emmet was her friend. And she wanted him to have something to think about other than grief tonight.

“I’ve been saying it’s last-minute too much, haven’t I?” She asked, seeming a little rueful.

“Yes, you have.” Emmet sounded almost amused as they continued down the steps. If he was bothered, he certainly wasn’t showing it. “But you also have not said a thing to me about my birthday all week. That is verrry unlike you.”

Harassing himself and Ingo with silly cards, gaudy gifts, and at least one big activity the week of their birthdays. Making Ingo and Emmets’ birthdays a week-long, inescapable reminder of the big day they shared was Elesa’s style of celebration. Not this.

But to be fair, just like how this year was… a first for Emmet, it was a first for her too. It was a first for everyone. Emmet understood why she was walking on eggshells – their birthdays had very much been an Ingo-and-Emmet thing. One was not without the other, ever. 

Except this year, it was. 

It was understandable why people would be nervous to bring it up to him in all the ways they had before. They were afraid it would serve as a reminder that someone was not there anymore to celebrate it with him. And they were right, it would. But while Emmet appreciated the sensitivity, he didn’t want a careful birthday where everyone was afraid of how to handle him. It wasn’t intended, but it would be demeaning.

“I’m sorry, Emmet. I just didn’t really… know how to do it this year.” Elesa confessed what he had already known. They were practically at the bottom of the stairs now. “And I didn’t want to say or do anything that would be- I didn’t want you to be alone, or thinking of anything that’ll hurt right now. I just want you to feel as loved and appreciated as you are, not sad. Not on your birthday.”

“I do feel loved.” Reaching the bottom of the stairs and stepping onto the sidewalk, Emmet stopped so that they could talk face-to-face for a moment. “Tonight I was invited to an event that was very much not planned last-minute, with my dear friend, to see a movie that she is in. And tomorrow, I will get to spend the entire day with friends and family. And even after that, when I am back in my apartment, I have all of my Pokémon, who need me as well. You all do a verrry good job of making me feel loved. It is a good birthday already.”

“Oh Emmet,” Elesa let go of his arm to reach out for him. She settled into his shoulder as she gently hugged around his neck. Emmet reciprocated, arms secured around her back.

Emmet knew tomorrow was going to be different. Difficult, certainly. For the first time, only half of him would be there. The reminders were still daily and constant, but tomorrow they were going to be a little sharper, a little more poignant. He couldn’t avoid that. But he did not want to try and bury it – he had already slipped into that once before, and learned how destructive and painful it was. And he certainly didn’t want others to feel like they needed to as well for his sake. He was hurting, and a part of him always would regardless, but he was not fragile.

“And it is ok to talk about Ingo.” Emmet spoke into Elesa’s shoulder. “It will be his birthday tomorrow too. And even if he is not right here at this moment, I would not want him to be excluded from it.”

“Alright,” There was relief in the way she sighed, squeezing him a little harder. 

“Thank you, Elesa.” Separating from the hug, Emmet gave her a reassuring smile, though it was not without a hint of melancholy. “You are a very good friend.”

At the edge of the sidewalk, a sleek black car pulled up to them and stopped, engine thrumming quietly.

“Oh, that’s for us,” Sniffing, Elesa carefully wiped at her eye and cleared her throat. “You know, Emmet, I’m really…” She stopped, seeming to think better of it. No more apologies or condolences for tonight, she was supposed to be cheering him up. “...I’m glad you could come with me tonight.”

“I am too, very much.” Emmet seemed doubly grateful for the lighter change of topic. He followed her as she led him over to the car, and opened the backseat door for her. “I have not gone with you to one of these in a while! Last time was several years ago when you took Ingo and me with you to see that terribly cheesy rom-com you had a cameo in.”

“Well, funny you should bring that up,” A bit of Elesa’s playfulness slowly began to show itself again, a smile brightening her features as she scooted across the seat to make room for him. “Because lucky for you, tonight’s movie is also a romantic comedy!”

“Blech!” Emmet made an exaggerated gagging sound as he stepped into the car after her, which sent Elesa into a fit of laughing while he closed the door. “I will be watching this for you, not for the romance!”

[pharawee]

Back in May I bought Khemjira's Rescue on meb, happy that there finally was an official English translation because I love horror and actually liked the first pilot teaser for Spirit Reborn - even though it wasn't well received.

I now know why the teaser wasn't well received (the official version has since been deleted and there's only some re-uploads left) and I agree. Khemjira isn't really a classic QL where the story centres around two people falling in love. It's a horror novel first (and the novel's content warning is very open about this). Much of the romance only happens in the bonus chapters. It's also steeped in Isan folklore and Theravadin Buddhist teachings and virtues, with heavy and uncompromising themes of karma, rebirth, right action and non-attachment (which I really appreciate but might not be everyone's cup of tea because it completely ignores concepts of justice and revenge).

The novel itself is translated really well with only a few editorial slip-ups but tons of footnotes to explain potentially unfamiliar concepts and give translations for the recited khatha. The bonus chapters are plentiful and rewarding if you're into romance and the usual level of BL novel spiciness, but even without them the narrative flows really well and comes to a satisfying conclusion. I really liked the novel - it might be my favourite right after I Feel You Linger in the Air - so I was slightly apprehensive when Mandee announced that they had acquired the rights for a new adaptation.

I don't know the actors at all so I only have the novel to go by, but all in all I'm really happy with Mandee's pilot teaser. It's so close to the novel that even seemingly short filler scenes are recognisably taken from moments in the story. And while I still think Keng Harit is a bit too young as Por Kru Parun, he manages to capture his commanding and alluring presence very well.

My only worry now is that they'll downplay the religious themes in order to elevate the romance between, well, basically everyone. I couldn't even blame them though, because most of the audience will be expecting romance, and the series probably wouldn't be very well received if both couples remained chaste until the very end. I don't think Khemjira's Rescue even qualifies as slow-burn for reasons I'll explain a bit later (and behind a spoiler warning).

But first, a bit more about the main characters because I've seen some confusion about their names etc. I'll keep these as spoiler-free as Mandee's pilot teaser was so if you've watched that then you're all set.

Khemjira is cursed, as are all male descendants of his family, doomed to die before their 20th birthday (the series changes it to 21). His mother gave him a traditionally female name to confuse the curse but to no avail: as he grows older he's more and more troubled by the heavy and malevolent presence of spirits. These are kept at bay by an amulet given to to him by a venerable Por Kru (a practicioner of Buddhist white magic) but when that's no longer enough, his friend Jhet introduces him to his teacher Por Kru Parun who lives in a small Isan village. Despite the burden of bad karma, Khem is a good person who always tries his best even when he feels like giving up.

Por Kru Parun (the series calls him Karan) is a respected practicioner of Buddhist white magic. He lives in a traditional wooden house outside of a small Isan village and protects his community from spiritual harm. He learned from his grandfather (who was himself a respected Por Kru) and also spent many years ordained as a monk. Because he lives by the precepts (which go beyond the five precepts of laypeople) he seems detached and aloof, often wearing dark sunglasses so others won't get charmed by him. His real (nick)name is Peem but he only starts using it with Khem once the two get romantically involved.

Jhettana and Charnvit (aka Jhet and Charn) are Khem's best friends. Khem meets Jhet during freshman orientation when Jhet senses the malevolent spirits around him. It's also Jhet who suggests visiting his teacher Por Kru Parun in his home province. They do this during a university excursion. This is how they meet Charn who's part of the student trip and very suspicious about what they're doing. Charn is extremely polite, addressing everyone as Khun. He wears glasses to aid his bad vision. Both Jhet and Charn are extremely protective of Khem, choosing to become Parun's students in order to help save him. They're also the secondary couple with a surprising past connection.

These two boys are Thong and Ake, Parun's spirit servants. They're the ghosts of 12-year-old twins that already served Parun's grandfather. They also have a surprising role to play in things to come.

SOME SPOILERS FOR THE MIDDLE OF THE NOVEL

As for why the romance can only happen after Khemjira's curse has been lifted: as practitioners of white magic, Parun and his students Jhet and Charn have to adhere to the precepts. These include abstinence from unchastity, so they should remain non-attached to thoughts of sexual and romantic nature. If one of these precepts is broken, all of them are considered broken (which makes it impossible to practice white magic) - Khemjira's rescue would fail if any of them got involved romantically. Parun knows that he's mindful enough to remain non-attached until the curse has been dealt with. He also knows that he can't expect the same of Khem so he refuses to take him as his student (which is fortunate because that way we get to read about Khem's pining).

And beyond the horror and the romance, there's also a third element that heavily features in the story: rebirth. All of the characters' fates are interwoven through several past lives, and I'm really curious how Mandee will decide to tackle this added layer of complexity and identity. In The Sign, Idolfactory used the same actors througout every past life (while 1000 Years Old used different actors with the same identifying birth mark). In Khemjira's Rescue the past identities of some of the characters are incredibly important and I'd hate to see them getting erased by using the same actors to better fit with BL marketing. It was so rewarding to find out that Jhet and Charn were starcrossed lesbian lovers in a past life and I'd love it if they kept that reveal for the series as well.

Oh, and also? Yes, there's going to be at least one naga. 🙌

END OF SPOILERS

Ultimately, if Mandee truly commits to playing the long game and doesn't simplify the story in order to appeal to marketing opportunities, this could end up being one of the best Thai BL series to come. From what I saw, the actors can definitely pull it off, and the fact that the 11 minute long trailer focuses so much on novel-accuracy is very promising already. Just don't have Parun and Khem get it on too early. Sometimes you have to keep it in your pants for a bit in order to save the day. 🙏

[overtail]

Can u do zuko x tall reader headcanons? Her being his height or an inch taller??

i mean I'll do that but way taller since Zuko is canonically 5'3...................

he's our short king guys

Zuko x Tall Reader Headcannons

pre-book 3 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-zuko was always taller than you as a kid

-he was always teasing you since you were such a short girl

-over summer break, when you and your family went on a trip when you two were 11, you came back extremely tall

-'pre-teen growth spurt I guess?'

-he always felt very inferior to you

-you just kept getting taller as the months went on

-when you signed up to fight in the army, you were teased and called a boy by the others in training

-zuko always defended you, and made sure you felt like a girl

-he would get you flowers, try to get dresses for you, and would always call you his 'girl best friend', even though you were his only friend

-when he was sent on the mission to find the Avatar when he was 13, you couldnt accompany him

-you were devastated, even going as far as trying to quit your soldier training

-but when he left, you gave up on your efforts

-you worked hard, writing letters to zuko that were never sent

-you celebrated his birthday, buying gifts that collected up in the closet of your bedroom

-everyday you believed he would come back

-but he never did

-you gave up after about 2 years

-you tried to focus on your work of becoming a soldier, graduating at 13

-you were the most versatile and strongest because of your height, and you were the top of your ranks

book 3 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-over three years later, zuko returned

-his hair was longer, his scar was fully healed at this point

-he was taller now, but not by much. you still towered over him

-he didn't recognize you at first. you of course knew it was him, since the announcement of his arrival was spread throughout the kingdom

-since you were the most trusted by your commander, you were assigned to guard zuko

-you waved awkwardly at him, and the only thing that confused him was that such a tall person has such a feminine figure

-he didn't see your face under the helmet, so that added to the non recognition

-'y/n?'

-he hugged you the moment you took off your helmet, waving back

-you were maybe 2 or 3 inches taller than him

-though it had been 3 years, it was like you were back at iroh's house, learning how to play pai sho

-'you're a soldier now? sick'

-he was already happy that he had his honor back, but seeing you made him ecstatic

-every say you two would take walks around the palace

-you two would eat lunch together, visit the village

-until he started dating mai

-you held no grudge against her - she was a lot like zuko

-you were happy that he met his other half, someone so indifferent to him

-that's what made you jealous

-you two stopped hanging out like regular

-'wanna get lunch?' 'I'm going on a picnic with mai'

-the title friend slowly faded into just being his bodyguard

-🔞it was always so awkward hearing him and mai get up to things in his room as you stood guard outside

-🔞you always wished it was you

-the possibility of you being too tall ran through your mind, how being a soldier cracked your femininity

-on the day of black sun, you caught him writing a letter and setting it on his desk

-'what are you doing zuko?' 'theres no time to explain'

-you insisted that you come with him, that you could help him

-it was both because you wanted to protect him and stay with him

-he told you that he was abandoning his role as the crowned prince of the fire nation, and that if you wanted to come with, you'd no longer be a loyal soldier

-when he said yes, you were both ecstatic and worried

-you would be leaving your whole life behind - you'd be commiting treason

redemption 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-none of the members of the Gaang trusted you and Zuko

-they thought you were one of the soldiers that were on the ship with zuko

-you tried explaining to them you had to be 16 to graduate the training academy, and zuko left when they were both 13

-when sparky sparky boom man attacked, you and zuko helped fight him

-they trusted you a bit more, but still held a grudge against zuko

-they forced you two to sleep in a secluded tent together

-the first night you two stayed, there was an awkward silence

-you two were still distant

-'what was in that letter?'

-zuko explained to you that in that message, he told mai that he was leaving her

-he thought it was for the best

-you felt bad for him, not aware that he was going through a break up without telling anyone

-but at the same time, you were happy

-you had a chance

-'im sorry man'

-you tried to hug him, but he looked away.

-something was off about him

-'what wrong zuko?' 'i need to tell you something'

-he not only broke up with mai because he was leaving, but because he liked you

-he looked up at you as you two sat in the tent. the lantern light flickered as you moved closer

-the kiss was soft and first, tender, and practically just a peck on the lips

-when you pulled apart, he was extremely red

-🔞kissing wasn't all you did that night

freaky deaky 🔞 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-zuko loved putting his face in your chest when you hug

-he likes kissing every part of your body, especially since there's so much of it

-he likes it A LOT, especially when he can make you buckle beneath his words

-you're such a strong girl that it makes him powerful when he's dominating you

-likes the arch of your back when he's hitting it from behind 🫣

-loves watching your long fingers prepare yourself for him

[lily-blue]

I look at you like you're perfect for me

☆ characters: half-dark elf!theo & you ☆ genre: dark fantasy au, soulmate au ☆ warnings: mention of blood, violence and death, manipulation, slight mention of self-hatred ☆ summary: having a soulmate sounds like a fairy tale, doesn’t it? too bad that yours could have been easily written by one of grimm brothers or the queen of dark fairy tales, @dat-town herself ☆ words: 11,2k ☆ also: just like every year, this soulmate au was written for my own soulmate, kathy ♥ the tenth year of our friendship brought along a lot of changes; and i’m immensely happy to know that there is no such thing in our relationship as too much distance between the two of us. thank you for sticking by my side through all these years, starting from my super awkward high school years, and please, stay with me for five times this many (and even more) ♥

There had been a time when you had hated yourself for being born the way you were: without magic. However, shortly after your twentieth birthday, when the Dark Elves came knocking on your door, this rare deficiency - that less than one hundredth percent of the population had the misfortune to experience -, was what allowed you to survive when your village went up in smoke. You see, your people lived in one of the most lavish and dense forests of the Northern Kingdom. Even with magic running through your community’s veins, you stood no chance against the flames. Many died before they could have even thought about running.

Not that abandoning their roots helped a lot of people. Because the Dark Elves were ruthless just as the stories suggested and killed everyone who bumped into them on their way towards the border of your village. Gender or age… neither of those mattered. Once they sensed your spiritual core, the magical energy deep in your soul, there was a target on your back and their soldiers never missed aim.

The bile was burning your throat when you heard yet another body fall on the ground with a loud thud a few steps from behind you, but you willed yourself and kept running. This time the screams were louder; they came from a lot closer and it terrified you. The implication that you would be the next.

However, that arrow, you were so sure was meant to pierce through your heart, never came. It was as though they couldn’t see you. As though you were completely invisible in the open while people who tried their best to lay low lost their lives due to their stalling. You couldn’t grasp what was happening around you, but to be honest, you didn’t have time or spare energy to ponder over the reasons and theories. You needed to get as far from the chaos as possible before your weak legs gave up.

You had never been too athletic. You were driven by your sheer will to survive.

You weren’t sure how long it would take to get away from the stomach-churning screams and the distinct sound of wood burning; however, you had to be a lot deeper in the forest than you had ever been in because the awaited sense of safety didn’t embrace you as soon as you entered the realm of Mother Nature. You had to keep running. You had to keep moving forwards even when your feet hurt and your lungs begged for a break.

You didn’t stop until your body was physically incapable of moving. And then… Then, you crawled behind a thick trunk to placate your aggressively beating heart. 

The Sun was already peeking through the trees by the time you more or less managed to regulate your breathing and came up with a semi-well-thought-out plan. Obviously, as much as you wanted to see your family, you couldn’t have just gone back to your village to look for other survivors. You didn’t have any weapon on you to fight your way though an army, any experience in close combat other than those playful fist fights you had occasionally had with your neighbors or magic to rely on against other magical creatures. If the Dark Elves were still around, you would have died the moment you set foot in your home.

However, your chances might not have been that horrible if you hadn’t been alone. If you had had other people backing you up while fighting back against the Dark Elves. Therefore, what your next move should have been was clear: you had to find the nearest village and see what was going on there. Had they been spared by the monsters who had chosen the most peaceful moment of the night to destroy your home? Had they been already slaughtered? Would they have been the next victims of their conquest?

Either way, you had no time to waste.

So despite the tiredness in your bones that became more significant after the adrenaline left your body and the minor injuries you had obtained during your escape, you pushed yourself into a standing position and headed east. You had never visited any of the neighboring farms and villages before, but you were a regular at the market, so you had met many vendors from the area. You had heard stories about their families, about their lifestyles and homes, hence you knew where to start looking for people who might have actually been willing to lend you a helping hand. There should have been hunters on the other side of this forest who would have felt for you and your family. They were more empathetic than lone farmers around the western regions.

Following the Sun, grateful for its guidance, it was easier to disregard the pain in your feet, caused by the cuts and bruises on your bare soles, than you would have initially thought. You had never been a warrior, after all. What wasn’t easy to shut out, however, was the grumbling of your stomach and the feeling of emptiness in your gut. When was the last time you had eaten? You were pretty sure you hadn’t skipped dinner last night, so why? Why was your body demanding food so desperately while numbing the pain?

Your mind was switching between daydreaming about your mother’s roasted sweet potatoes and the pictures of your loved ones falling on the cold ground like sacks of rice, hence in no time, you felt like you could have thrown up the minute your mouth touched anything edible. You were so damn hungry, but all the death and suffering that lingered in your mind made it hard to digest that you were still alive. Why were you still alive?

Your steps faltered then came to an immediate stop when the unmistakable sound of horses trotting somewhere in front of you registered in your brain. Your heart was in your throat as you looked around in panic, trying to find a place where you could have hidden. A bush that was dense enough to hide your figure, a hollow in one of the thicker trees, a branch low enough for you to use as leverage, so that you could climb on the top. Something. Anything.

In the end, you did come across a branch that you could reach on your tiptoes, so you quickly ran towards it and used your momentum and the sturdy trunk underneath your feet to aid your above-the-average muscles. You pulled yourself up on the tree and hugged the trunk in hope of blending into your surroundings. 

A voice inside of your head - a gentle yet teasing tone akin to your beloved older sister’s - scolded you for breathing too loudly and staring in the direction of possible danger, so you swallowed down your fears, willed your body to comply and closed your eyes like your father had taught you during the first and last hunt he had taken you on. You remembered how ridiculous he had sounded to you when he had told you and Nobara that every creature could feel it when they were being watched. You, for that matter, had never experienced such a thing during any of your hide-and-seeks with your friends, but your sister had paid a lot of attention to your father’s instructions, so you had mimicked her serious expression.

Despite your best efforts, your father had never taken you on a hunt after that one occasion. For months, you had been sulking, convinced that it had been because he could have seen the skepticism in your eyes. Later, your sister had told you that he had only been worried about you because at that moment he had realized that you truly couldn’t sense other creatures’ watchful eyes without magic.

Life without magic had always sucked.

The tingles came unexpectedly. At first, it was as though tiny needles were pricking on your skin, but later, as your rational thoughts resurfaced, you realized that was hardly possible. So you thought the sensation came from tiny insects creeping under your clothes, and you prayed that they weren’t poisonous. You were without your loved ones, you felt miserable for sure, but that didn’t mean you wanted to follow them to the afterlife in case they were already six feet under.

You gulped and resisted the urge to lift your hand and scratch your nape. You willed yourself not to open your eyes.

However, as the seconds ticked by, it became significantly harder to stay still. You had never been a hyperactive person - you loved spending time at home, helping your mom and reading in the barn or on the field -, but at that moment, there was this slowly growing urge inside of you that made you want to reveal your hiding place. It encouraged you to climb off the tree, and it scared you how your nails had to dig into the trunk consciously, so that you wouldn’t have given in to this irrational temptation.

‘Keep heading west. I’ll catch up with you,’ you could hear one of the riders send away the rest, making you wonder what his reason could have been for both staying behind and staying alone without any backup.

You wanted to sneak a peek at him so much. Your hands were trembling as you held onto the tree desperately. What was wrong with you? Deluding yourself into thinking that you were out of harm’s way just because he was alone was the worst thing you could have done. This rider could have easily been one of those who had attacked your village the previous night.

Your arms jerked and your hands let go of the trunk when something big and warm landed on your shoulder. You could have pinpointed the exact moment you lost your footing and your body fell forwards, then towards the cold ground underneath.

You could phantom the pain that was surely about to come with the collision, but you did not feel the crash. Instead, your bare feet touched the grass gently like you had been floating on your way down and your balance was supported by two strong arms that enveloped your torso. Those palms that appeared on your hips were big and warm. Familiar in a way you had a hard time to explain.

‘Aren’t you gonna open your eyes, little one?’ The same rider asked you with a pinch of playfulness to his voice that immediately disarmed you despite your better judgment. A part of you was still aware that you knew nothing about this person. Your concerns and worries and fears were still there, somewhere in the back of your head. They just didn’t seem to reach you when you needed your survival instincts, your defenses the most. 

Why else would you have called him out on the nickname he had chosen for you instead of on how he had sneaked up on you and endangered your life.

‘I’m not little,’ you sulked, linking your arms in front of your chest, which later you realized was only proving him right. You acted like a little girl, but you couldn’t have decided whether it had been already too late to back out. Should you have held your chin higher or let your arms fall back by your sides?

Indecisive, you let your body posture stay the way it was, but stopped pouting to lessen the spoiled brat attitude.

‘U-hum,’ the lone rider hummed out, taunting you with a pout similar to the one you had just abandoned and simultaneously urging you to fight back. However, you didn’t have any good retort and even if you had had any, the words would have stuck in your throat the moment your eyes met his ash gray orbs. He looked breathtakingly beautiful.

Inhuman. 

‘Like what you see, little one?’ The rider teased, and that alone would have earned a scoff from you if you had been able to close your mouth while you were taking in his appearance.

The boy didn’t look older than twenty-three; his complexion was pale as though his face was lit up by the Moon even in daylight. He had fair hair that fell into his face and ears as sharp as needle ice. He was an elf. There was no question about it and yet, your feet made no attempt at putting the well-needed distance between you two.

‘Are you without a horse?’ His more reasonable question pulled you out of your head and you nodded on instinct, although admitting that you had no means getting away from him might have been a mistake.

It seemed like you were making one poor decision after another in this stranger’s company. Who was he anyway? And why did it feel like he was someone important to you whom you should have kept close?

‘Are you heading west?’

‘East,’ the truth fell from your lips easily as if you weren’t in control of your own actions, and in a world where magic was more common than people without power, the possibility shouldn’t have been brushed off as quickly as you had just done so. It was just… as soon as the thought could have formed in your mind, your heart rejected it without hesitation.

‘Do you mind if I take you to the nearest village? The forest isn’t the safest place right now,’ the rider reasoned and a part of you wanted to ask how he knew that the area was dangerous, but before you could have parted your lips, he had already taken your silence as a permission to touch you.

The boy’s palm was warm against your skin; his fingers fit around your wrist like a bracelet. Your body followed him towards his horse with minor protest. You didn’t come back to your senses until you were standing in front of the mighty animal and your company took his hand off you to fix the saddle, so the horse could carry the both of you.

‘I… I didn’t say that I’d go with you.’ You took a step backwards. You still didn’t sound too eager to turn your back on him, but it was a baby step towards the right direction.

Why did you have to remind yourself that you didn’t know him? You knew that you had no idea who he was and what his intentions were with you. You were completely in the dark regarding his reason for sending the rest of his group away and you were also unaware whether he had known about your presence when he had done that. 

Not to mention that he was an elf. That in itself should have been a good enough reason for you to run in the opposite direction. Yet, you stood in one place, with your chin held up high. Your breath hitched when your eyes met for the second time.

‘You didn’t say you don’t want me to take you there, either,’ the elf exclaimed, his smug grin both annoying and charming - a thought you would have liked to bury deep in your mind, so you could have never accidentally blurted it out. ‘You want to stay here alone?’

You didn’t. You didn’t want to be alone.

‘You’re an elf. My village has been destroyed by elves,’ you forced the words through your gritted teeth as you simultaneously fought the tears in your eyes. You shouldn’t have shown weakness in front of a stranger. You shouldn’t have cried and mourned your family when you hadn’t known for sure that they were gone. They might have made it. Just because your sister had told you to run and she had stayed behind, it didn’t mean that she had failed to find a way out of the chaos. 

You didn’t notice that you had balled your fists or that your arms were trembling due to your frustration and anger until your eyes fell on the rider’s face and you noted that he was staring at your hands. You relaxed your fingers immediately.

‘Did I destroy your village?’ He asked a tad tentatively and you gulped when you picked up on the sadness in his voice. You hadn’t meant to offend him. Yet, it was hard to convince yourself that if he had seen the shoe fit, it had been absolutely on him.

You felt like an asshole.

‘I mean… I don’t know for sure,’ you mumbled under your nose, looking at everything but him, so the unexpected tightness in your chest would have eased up a little. ‘Did you?’

The rider scoffed, but didn’t call you out on the bluntness of your question or the rudeness of the implication behind your words. Instead, he took a step further from his horse to encourage you to climb on the animal.

You bit into your cheek from the inside, waiting.

‘I’ve just arrived from the east with my group,’ he stated, his words aligning with what you had seen and heard mere minutes ago. The noises had indeed come from that direction, while your home had been located in the opposite way. Even on horseback, it sounded unreasonable that they would have taken such a huge detour just to get ahead of you and fool you.

Without magic, you were no match for their kind.

You looked down at your bare feet littered in cuts and bruises, then shifted your gaze to the horse. It would have been a lie to say it wasn’t tempting; however, letting the elf take you to anywhere was really the good choice?

‘Are you a dark elf?’ Another blunt question, another wave of guilt that washed over you the moment the last word had left your mouth. Since when had you been so concerned about a stranger’s feelings when your safety was at risk? He could have been as easily related to the monsters who had killed your people as…

‘I’m a half-elf.’

You sank your teeth deeper into your flesh. The pain in your body had been bearable before. Your feet had been numb and your wounds superficial. You could have made it to the other side of the woods on your own. A part of you was even determined to do so, so why… Why were your feet dragging you towards the horse?

‘Good girl,’ the rider complimented you when you climbed on the horse on your own, then got on the animal behind you, keeping you stable with his arms around your body.

You swallowed down your nerves.

You tried to swallow down your nerves.

Surprisingly, the journey towards the closest village was spent in calming silence. The only sounds breaking the tranquility were one of Mother Nature: the light breeze playing with the withering leaves, the foliage getting crushed underneath the horse’s hoofs, mosquitos and other insects buzzing into your ears. 

In hindsight, you should have picked up on the telltale signs and known that something was really, really wrong when no birds or squirrels came out of their nests, but you weren’t as experienced as your other family members were when it came to the neighboring forest. So obviously, it hit you in the face when you arrived at your destination and it was also burned to the ground, just like your home. If it hadn’t been for the half-elf, you would have fallen off the horse due to the shock that shook you up quite badly. Just a week ago, you had been talking to this old man from this village at your market, promising him to buy an extra sack of potatoes from him if he introduced you to his grandson.

Now, they might have been both dead.

‘Hey, where are…’

The rider’s question didn’t register in your mind as you jumped off the horse and ran in a random direction, calling for survivors and looking for anyone who might have needed your help. It took you less than twenty steps to bump into the first half-burnt corpse and seven lifeless bodies in total to find the old man.

Overwhelmed, you didn’t realize how much the sight affected you until your knees hit the ground beside the man and your head crushed into a firm bundle of muscles, albeit less roughly.

The last thing you heard was the rider’s voice before your brain shut itself down.

Later, when you woke up, your wounds were dressed in clean textile and your head was put on something soft that gave enough support to your neck to not be in pain despite the hours you might have spent sleeping on the ground. It had been still pretty early when you had reached the other side of the forest; however, based on the blinding sunlight that shone down on you at a sharp angle from the sky, now, it had to be way into the afternoon.

What had happened while you had been out? Had there been any survivors? And where were you exactly anyway?

Where was the ri…

‘Good morning, sweetheart,’ a distinctly familiar, deep voice greeted you, and you made the mistake of trying to get in a sitting position as soon as possible to look at the half-elf, letting out an involuntary whine in the process. Hell. The middle of your forehead was throbbing; you felt so dizzy as if you had a head injury. Had you gotten hit on the head or something? You seriously couldn’t remember.

Your confusion must have been written on your face, because the next thing you knew, the rider crouched down in front of you and picked up a torn textile from the floor. Then, he rinsed it in a bowl of water and pushed you on your back, placing it back on your forehead.

‘You accidentally hit your head when I put you down, so that I could look for something to eat,’ he explained with an apologetic smile, the expression making it obvious even for your smashed brain that it hadn’t been you, per se, who had hit your head, but him who had been too careless.

You didn’t call him out on his wording, though. Mostly, because he had carried you to a safe place and stayed with you regardless of being strangers. In spite of your rude questions and open distrust. He hadn’t been obliged to protect you after you had accused him of killing your loved ones, but he had still done so. To you, this spoke volume.

‘Would it help if I told you my name?’

The question made no sense to you. Why would it have helped with anything if you had learned the rider’s name? And with what exactly did he think you needed help? 

On the other hand, would knowing his name have made anything worse? You could have pretty much stopped referring to him as a rider and a half-elf in your head, which might have actually taken less out of your already drained brain power. Hence, you nodded (and hissed when it triggered yet another mini explosion behind your forehead). Ouch. That hurt.

‘Theo. My mom was a maid at the Light Elves’ Court in the south,’ he introduced himself, although the revelation that he was one of the creatures known as the least worse out of all monstrous magical beings did add to your guilt. He might not have been a good guy, either, but he wasn’t out there, killing thousands of innocents, either, and as bad as it sounded, that was already more you could have wished for.

So you told him your name in exchange and what had happened to your village the previous night, leaving out the teeny, tiny detail that the reason you could have run away was the lack of magic rushing through your veins. You didn’t have any proof.

Not to mention, saying that aloud could have still put you in danger - a voice akin to your mother’s warned you quietly.

After the most crucial pieces of information were shared and there was a semi-solid base that your acquaintanceship could have been built on, Theo brought up some lighter topics to ease the mood while you were munching on berries and rose apples. They might not have been as delicious as your mother’s kimbap rolls and chicken salad, but they were filling and that was all that mattered.

‘You should rest some more. I’ll stand guard,’ the rider reassured you and covered your upper body with his jacket before you could have protested. And you were grateful for him. You were grateful that he didn’t give any chance to your stubborn ass to claim you weren’t tired. Because you were. You were so exhausted, sleeping a couple more hours sounded exactly like what you needed.

‘Hn,’ you gave in with a low hum, enjoying the phantom touch of his fingertips against your skin and in your hair moments before you fell asleep.

Your initial plan to look for help at the nearest village, obviously, had been thrown out the window. However, it wasn’t like you could have just given up and not do anything. You had to find your family - or at least their remains if that was all that was left of them - and you couldn’t have possibly done that alone. You still needed people. You still needed survivors. Warriors. Anyone with weapons and will to kick elf asses.

You also needed a companion. And Theo was offering his help to you on a silver plate like he had nothing better to do despite those elves he had sent ahead - those elves he had promised to catch up with - right before your encounter. It was weird but appreciated, and you weren’t exactly in the position to look the gift horse in the mouth.

Thus, you made a deal: he would stay with you until you found a village that was spared by these monsters and in exchange, you promised to tell him those details he knew you had left out of your story about the massacre. It sounded like giving out nothing for everything, but you guessed, everyone had different values. What wasn’t valuable to you might have been a treasure to someone else.

You got on horseback a day after you had woken up after fainting from overstimulation and traveled from village to village just to meet more destruction than you had ever seen in your life. Honestly, before the night you had been separated from your family, you couldn’t have even imagined something so brutal. The fire wasn’t even the worst part. It was the smell of roasted flesh and the sight of those personal belongings that had somehow survived. The first time you had seen a pile of ash next to a half-burned doll, you had been crying for minutes for a child you had known nothing about.

Losing hope was too easy. It took you no longer than a week of constant failure and you felt like you didn’t have it in you to keep going. What was the use? You had gotten further and further from your home and still had no army that could have challenged the elves. Not to mention how hard it had become to work up an appetite with the stink of death in your pores, your hair and your clothes even after taking a bath in a stream or lake (depending on what the two of you came across in the afternoons). In short, there was no use and you had no energy to start a fight.

A magicless one-man-army had no business to start a war. It would have made no difference if you had just given yourself up. In fact, that might have been less embarrassing.

‘What’s making you so conflicted? Your forehead is all wrinkly.’ Theo sat down by the fire beside you, his rough fingertips trying to smooth out the furrows on your forehead, around your eyes and between your eyebrows. You pressed your lips together to suppress a whine. It was exhausting, thinking and talking about your feelings. They were so negative and draining these days.

You let out a sigh, watching over the fish you were roasting on wooden sticks.

‘Do you think what we’re doing is useless? As far as we know, the Dark Elves could rule the whole kingdom by now,’ you voiced out your second biggest fear, too scared to bring up the possibility of your family’s death. Talking about that would have made it real and a stubborn part of you refused to believe they hadn’t made it.

Could there have been a safe haven out there somewhere for those who had survived? Were there others trying to accomplish the same goal as you, albeit with more success?

‘I’m pretty sure we’d know about it if they took control over the whole kingdom, sweetheart. Don’t worry your pretty head about them. Let’s concentrate on finding an unaffected village,’ he slid his fingers to your jawline, tapping on your cheek once, twice, three times before he pulled your head against his chest.

Instead of complaining, you buried your nose into his loose shirt, sniffing his characteristic, musky scent that made you feel safe. You wanted him to be right so much.

‘I don’t know what I would do without you,’ you mumbled under your nose when the silence stretched too long, giving in to the urge to close your eyes and get lost in his closeness. The warmth of Theo’s body enveloped you like a fluffy blanket on an unforgivingly cold winter night.

‘You would be just fine,’ the rider insisted, and you appreciated his faith in you, even though a voice in your head insisted that the only reason he said this was how little he knew about you. He had no idea that under the pseudo-confident, stubborn facade you were weak. You had been born weak and being sheltered by your entire village, you had never gotten the chance to grow strong.

You didn’t even know which berries were edible in the woods.

‘I really wouldn’t,’ you admitted defeatedly, closing your eyes and taking a few shallow breaths as an attempt to gather enough courage to speak the truth. If Theo had really meant what he had said, that meant he hadn’t yet figured out that you couldn’t have backed him up in a fight in case you had come across danger. It wasn’t fair to him that you kept him in the dark. ‘I don’t have any magic. Nothing. I was born without an ounce of magic in my body.’

You wished you could have taken back your words as soon as they fell from your chapped lips. It scared you, the rider’s non-verbal reaction: his arms coming up around your torso and pulling you impossibly close. Why wasn’t he saying anything? You needed him to say it, to say something, even if that something was a scolding or a series of profanities.

‘Theo?’ You tried to pull away to be able to look him in the eyes, but his hold on you was too strong, and you barely managed to tilt your head backwards to at least see a bit of his jawline. It didn’t seem tense, which gave you hope that maybe, maybe his silence didn’t mean that he was angry with you. Your confession must have rendered him speechless, that was all.

You bit into your lower lip, counting to ten, fifteen, thirty in your head before you decided that enough was enough. You needed him to come back to the present instead of stucking in his head.

‘You know…’ you started, not quite sure what you could have said that would have made the situation better. ‘I might be a deadweight, but I think you make me stronger, so it’s not like it’s as bad as it sounds,’ you explained, playing with open cards as you should have done from the beginning. Or well, from the day you had made that deal about staying together.

At that point, you were so worried about what could have been going through the half-elf’s head that you got a tad taken aback when he gave you enough space to look up at him from a more comfortable angle.

‘What do you mean?’ He asked, confusion written all over his face, which would have made you giggle if the tightness in your chest hadn’t been so suffocating. Should you have told him everything or only a fragment of the odd things you had experienced in his closeness these past few days? Would he have believed you if he had heard the truth or deemed you crazy and left without a second thought?

You gulped, your throat suddenly resembling parchments. It was time to tear off the bandaid, wasn’t it? You had simply said too much to back out.

You gulped another time to steal a couple of seconds in which you pathetically failed to put yourself back together, but it was fine. At least, you told yourself that you would have been fine if he had just packed up and left. Sure, it would have taken a lot of time, but you could have gone back to your village on your own and started the search all over again, going in a different direction.

‘I don’t really know how to explain it, but you remember the first time we met?’ You asked, absentmindedly fidgeting with his loose shirt. ‘I could feel your presence, and while I’m sure it’s not a big deal to you, to me… it was a first.’ Out of nervousness, you casted your eyes down, but didn’t stop talking. ‘The other day, when I was at the verge of a panic attack and you told me to calm down, my heart listened.’ 

You sounded crazy, deep down you knew you did. Because what you were describing was the bond that your parents shared, what your grandparents had shared when they had been still alive and what those who were blessed to have a soulmate shared. Although you lived in a world where magic was real, complete soulmate bonds were almost as rare as your kind. So to have one while not possessing the ability to practice magic, it was unfathomable.  

You wouldn’t have blamed Theo if he had thought you had lost it. Because what you were implying included things you obviously hadn’t experienced, only had heard from stories. For example, the reason why your parents always knew when the other person was in danger, felt happy or needed a hug. Soulmates, after all, shared feelings and had the ability to comfort each other without as much as touching or being in the same room.

‘What? You say I’m your soulmate?’ The boy teased and it would have been a lie to say his lighthearted question didn’t hurt. Was it that unbelievable that you could have been destined for each other?

Well… it wasn’t like you were a hundred percent sure about it, either, but still. Was his soft chuckle necessary?

Whether it was your sour facial expression and pouty lips or something more special, Theo seemed to be able to sense your bitterness and cupped your cheeks with his hands. He looked you in the eyes for long enough to make you feel shy and with that, to make you surrender. As a soft whine escaped your mouth, you leaned forwards and buried your face in the crook of his neck where he let you hide.

‘You’re cute,’ he mumbled against the crown of your head, nosing your hair as he slid his hand back on your waist. You stayed like that for a few moments, soaking in the silence, but not as long as you would have preferred.

If you had done that, the fish would have definitely burned to ashes on your wooden sticks and you would have both been left without food for the rest of the night. There was no way Theo could have caught more of them so late at night even if he was an amazing hunter and a determined provider for the two of you.

And if you had hated your dinner for stealing the half-elf’s embrace from you, you made sure your body language didn’t show it. Which meant, the only way Theo could have known it was if he had been indeed your soulmate. And that was impossible, wasn’t it?

It was time you stopped believing in fairy tales. Miracles didn’t happen to people like you.

It had been around a month that you had run away from the surprise attack that had destroyed your home, and you had yet to come across a village that would have been willing (or able) to help you fight the Dark Elves. With the help of Theo, you had successfully worked through each and every one of your episodes; nowadays, you didn’t feel frustration when your eyes fell upon half-destroyed houses and corpses that had turned unrecognizable after the vultures had had their feast. You still felt sadness, of course you did, but not to the point of breaking down and it might have been a small step to an outsider, but to you, it was another proof that the half-elf’s presence made you stronger.

You were convinced that there wasn’t anything you couldn’t have overcome while he was near you.

However, to your misfortune, the rider couldn’t be near you all day every day. For example, he was in charge of hunting for food and looking for water and your company slowed down both of those processes. As it had turned out, your incapability to sense life mixed with your loud footsteps turned you into a human-alarm for the animals in the area.

You were so focused on setting up the fire for the fish Theo had promised you for dinner that you were completely oblivious to the monster who appeared at the border of the forest you used as a potential hiding place in case of emergency.

You yelped when something sharp and pointy was held to your neck. The adamantine blade barely touched you, but you could feel your blood lazily dripping down your skin. How you got yourself in situations like this all the time, that was beyond you. All this time, you had been convinced that Dark Elves couldn’t have cared less about your existence and yet, here you were, about to be slaughtered by one.

You could only wish Theo wouldn’t come back to your makeshift camp before it was over; your heart ached just thinking of him getting killed because of you. Because you were so weak, you couldn’t have even used the woods to your advantage when the half-elf had told you a million times why it was smart to stay close to the trees. Why couldn’t you have done at least this one thing right on your own?

‘Where is he?’ The monster groaned into your ear, his warm breath tickling the sensitive skin right under your ear. You didn’t like the fact that he was talking to you. It felt humiliating, like he was playing with his food as you were pretty sure he didn’t intend to let you go once you answered his question.

You choked on your saliva when the elf grabbed your hair and pulled your head backwards. His blade grazed your neck and with that, left another wound behind, only a few inches under the first one. It was deeper, bled more, but your loose shirt soaked up the blood diligently. 

‘I asked you a question,’ the monster spat, forcing you to look him in his sharp, silver eyes. His skin had the same glow as Theo had, but in his case, pretty and beautiful were the last things on your mind when you tried to read his facial expressions. ‘Where. Is. H—’

You didn’t realize you were screaming until a pair of strong arms pulled you away from the dark elf and familiar, calloused palms cupped your cheeks, redirecting your focus. With utmost gentleness, Theo wiped away your tears and pressed his lips against your forehead, not letting you go.

‘I’m so sorry, sweetheart,’ he mumbled against your skin right before he pulled away and assessed your injuries. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he repeated, sliding his right palm on the cuts on your neck tentatively.

Theo’s magic coursed through you; however, it didn’t hurt like it did when your neighbors’ son used his power on you, nor did it resemble a strike of electricity such as when your sister healed your wounds. The half-elf’s magic was warm like a blanket. It not only took care of your injuries, but also comforted your soul.

Admittedly a little light-headed, you let Theo pull your head against his firm chest and keep you there while you were looking out of your head. Somewhere in the back of your head, you knew that there had to be a dark elf nearby, or at least the remains of such a creature. Slowly but surely you could recall the knife that had pierced through the monster’s abdomen while you had been still held at blade point. The main reason you had been screaming hadn’t been the shock, but the pain you had felt in your side…

You dragged your hand to the area that you remembered should have been in pain and pulled away from Theo in panic when you could feel the hole in your shirt. You looked down and saw that the fabric was red. Yet, when your fingers finally sneaked under the textile, they touched nothing but smooth skin. You furrowed your brow in confusion.

‘How?’

‘I healed it. There was no other way, but I healed it as soon as I had you in my arms,’ the boy claimed and you looked up at him, lips parted in wonder.

Maybe, you should have been mad at him for putting your life at risk without hesitation. The old you would have definitely screamed anyone else’s head off for less than this and still, as you looked into his worried eyes, that were desperately searching for forgiveness, you reached out to his face and smiled up at him.

‘Thank you. For saving me,’ you whispered like a secret and brushed a silly, stubborn mop of hair behind his ear at the same time he did the same to you. It made you giggle despite the horrific happenings and upon hearing your laugh, Theo’s eyes lit up like a birthday cake.

With what had you deserved someone like him in your life?

With what had you deserved to be alive in the first place?

‘I’ll always save you,’ the rider declared, pulling you in his lap. It was then that you actually noticed you had been both sitting in the dirt all along. It was also the first time that your gaze fell on your attacker’s corpse lying behind Theo mere meters away from you. You pressed your chin into his shoulder and shut your eyes. The whimper that escaped your mouth was unintentional. ‘Shh. I won’t let anyone take you away from me. I promise you. No one can hurt you.’

You wanted to say thank you over and over again. You also wanted to reassure him that you knew you could trust him with your life and today’s happenings hadn’t planted any doubt about him in your mind. He had saved you; how he had done it, what path he had chosen did not affect your opinion. You had long made peace with how cruel the world really was. You couldn’t have afforded to see it only in black and white anymore.

‘Theo…’ The plea that broke out from your throat sounded pathetic even to you, but the rider didn’t seem to mind it or find it as ridiculous as you did.

No, when he put his index finger under your chin and encouraged you to open your eyes, all you could see was determination on his face. You assumed he wanted to prove it to you that he meant every world. He hardly had any other reasons to look so hell-bent at that moment. Maybe the way you phrased your reassurance hadn’t been as fierce as you had intended it to be. It might have come out hesitant due to your shock.

‘I mean it. You know why?’ You didn’t know why, but you didn’t shake your head, nor did you voice out your confusion. Of course, you had assumptions such as the deal you two had made, but somehow, saying out loud that you were a contract to him felt so wrong. Especially after he had saved you from a dark elf instead of looking in the other direction. ‘Because I care about you,’ he confessed, casting a metaphorical spell on you with how he wetted his lips after the last word fell from them.

You couldn’t look away. You couldn’t move. But if you wanted to be honest, you didn’t want to either. Especially when Theo destroyed the distance between your lips slowly albeit steadily, and you could taste yourself on his tongue as he licked into your mouth with ease. The kiss you shared wasn’t eager. He didn’t rush you or push you too hard. He let the moment drag out, then allowed your lungs to fill themselves with fresh air before he dived in once more.

Your lips tingled by the time you stopped kissing and your heart was dangerously close to an explosion. If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought something wasn’t quite right with the heightened reaction it pulled out of you, but you were aware that it was merely the consequence of your inexperience. You had never been kissed before; but you were glad that Theo could be your first. Your second and third.

You lost count of how many times he captured your lips before your stomach demanded some of his attention, too, and reminded both of you of the fish he had promised you.

That night, the half-elf called your lips his dessert when the dinner was gone.

A lot changed after that day; meanwhile, it felt as though you came across the same, hopeless sight whenever you stumbled upon an area that should have been populated: piles of ashes, half-burned houses, death. You didn’t know how it was possible that every time you chose a direction, you ended up at a dead end; however, you couldn’t deny what was right in front of you. You couldn’t deny the lack of survivors and all that misery.

‘Maybe we should go back west?’ You asked after you arrived at another abandoned village. You admitted, you hadn’t been thinking about your family that much nowadays, but the sight of what was undoubtedly a hunter’s hut reminded you of your father, and your longing for him, your mother and Nobara returned with great intensity.

Why were you still marching towards the eastern border when you had wanted to turn back a week ago? Did you have any reason to believe that they had come so far from your home without you?

‘We should go east like we agreed on,’ Theo protested, and while his voice was gentle and the kiss he pressed against your lips light as a feather, something inside your chest felt tight as you nodded.

Oh. How could you have forgotten that you had agreed on that direction because of… What was your reason for heading east? There must have been a reason, a good one on top of that, otherwise, you wouldn’t have said yes. Why had you said yes? Suddenly, going east made no sense.

But then, Theo took your hand and pulled you towards his horse. He stole one more kiss from your lips before he helped you climb on the animal, and the two of you galloped in the previously agreed direction. East.

It took the doubtful voice inside your head a couple of miles to quiet down, but when it did, it became easy to lean into Theo’s body and let him guide you towards your next destination. If it hadn’t been for the dizziness you felt whenever you closed your eyes while riding his horse, you might have fallen asleep in his arms; his closeness was that soothing to you by that point. Or was it the soft melody he was humming into your ear that effortlessly calmed your nerves?

You wouldn’t have been surprised if your acceptance had been a result of both. Or the love confession that was oozing from every gesture he made.

The thought that something was really wrong with how pliant you were in the half-elf’s arms somehow didn’t cross your mind even when your eyes fell on the military camp near the eastern border. What you felt instead while you were getting closer and closer to the huge, black and silver tents was confusion. Did Theo not realize that these were the colors of the enemy? Of those creatures who had destroyed so much already and might not have planned to stop until your whole kingdom was in ashes.

At the first sight of actual dark elves in the area - a part of you hoped until the last moment that what you came across was an abandoned camp -, your body became tense and all you wanted to do was run away.  However, with Theo’s arms around your petite body, it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. Couldn’t he see what you were seeing? Shouldn’t he have felt their presence?

‘Theo, I really don’t think we should keep going,’ you spoke up eventually, your voice barely above a whisper. ‘Maybe they haven’t seen us yet. It’s not too la—’

‘It’s okay, just calm down, sweetheart,’ he cut you off while simultaneously turning you into jelly with his hot breath fanning over the juncture between your neck and shoulder. Even though you pressed your lips together in mild frustration, your body immediately shrank to a smaller size, hence the rider’s chin on top of your head caged you in that much more.

You still felt safe in Theo’s closeness, but it was different somehow. With all those elves suddenly having their eyes on you, with the cogs in your brain spinning at a restless speed, you couldn’t put your finger on what was so off. After all, as far as you were concerned, fear and anxiety were natural reactions to danger. Then, it hit you: as you were helped down from Theo’s horse, your heart wasn’t at the verge of a panic attack. Why wasn’t your heart about to explode? You two had no chance against a smaller army of powerful magic users.

You had no way out now that so many of them were aware of your presence in their territory. Hell, you had walked into their camp like you had the right to be there.

You curled your fingers and let your nails dig into the soft flesh of your palms. Why was your heartbeat so slow?

You didn’t have too much time to dwell on it, though, because the next thing you knew was Theo’s calloused fingers in-between yours and a strong pull that demanded your attention. Oh. You were walking more into the camp.

‘Taeyang. It has been a while,’ a beautiful woman… No, a beautiful dark elf exclaimed with little to no enthusiasm, her gray eyes loitering over the rider for a couple of seconds before they fell on you. You gulped, and she dismissed you with a frown. ‘You have never shown up at the northern frontline. Is this your reason?’

This. Not you, not a human being, not even a magicless creature. This. The elf couldn’t have made it any more obvious that you were worth nothing to her.

You resisted the urge to take a step back and hid behind Theo’s back. Instead, you stayed still and quiet in hopes of not drawing too much attention, although it must have been too late already. The crowd around you was big enough; you honestly doubted there was anyone in the camp who wasn’t witnessing the happenings. The tense conversation between this beautiful woman and Th… Taeyang.

Why did this new name hurt you so much?

‘Only partly, my queen,’ Taeyang said as soon as he went down on one knee, leaving you exposed to the spectators and making you feel unprotected. Your hands were shaking, but not as much as they should have and your damned heart was still at ease as if it had been on a silly mission, trying to please the rider next to you. ‘She is a survivor of the massacres in the forest villages. No one other than me could feel her presence while we passed her by even though she is not good at hiding. This ability is a threat to our plans. I apologize. I had to investigate before sending words to you, my queen,’ the boy explained and his words should have crushed you, but you couldn’t feel the heartache as though your heart was incapable of anything else but remaining calm.

The woman gave you another once-over with a bit more interest this time.

‘She is still alive. Did you not find the answers?’ She inquired, her white locks falling into her face as she put her elbow onto the armrest of her chair and rested her chin on top of the back of her hand. She looked so bored while she was asking for the reason why you were still alive.

‘She means no threat, my queen. In fact, the reason why she managed to escape is that she is so insignificant, our kind completely dismisses her existence. There is not even a drop of magic in her body,’ the half-elf explained before he quickly added: ‘However, she is obedient. She is my slave now.’

‘Are you sure it’s not the other way around, Theo?’ Someone from the mass asked and it did not take too long before your eyes found the golden-haired dark elf who dared to interrupt the conversation between Taeyang and the unamused royalty. He radiated annoyance and pride as he walked up to your trio. ‘Because I saw you protecting this human and killing your kind. Like a lapdog, waiting for their owner’s treats and compliments for doing such a good job.’

The golden-haired elf scoffed and spat on the grass right in front of the rider’s feet.

‘I see.’ It was the queen talking, dismissing the second elf with a simple wave of her hand. If the circumstances had been different, you would have admired her for the power she held - up until that moment you hadn’t even known the Dark Elves had a female rules -, but the situation was everything you would have rather avoided and you had no respect for anyone who talked about human life the way she did. ‘Let’s see how important she is then.’

For the first time in hours, your heart skipped a beat in panic, and you wondered whether it was deliberate or if it was your own anxiety at all that you were experiencing. Why would your heart have suddenly decided to act up when it malfunctioned during this whole drama? If anyone, it should have been Taeyang who felt scared and jittery due to the woman’s vague declaration. After all, you had been a dead human the moment the boy had brought you here. His future, however, most likely depended on the next couple of minutes.

‘What do you wish me to do, my queen?’ Taeyang inquired and you tilted your head as you allowed yourself to really look at him. He didn’t seem nervous and his voice was also too stable for your liking, but his thumb was tapping on his little finger every ten seconds, so your assumption could have been right. You might have actually gotten better at reading him, you concluded, which, for some reason, made you feel proud.

Never in your life had your emotions confused you this much. Nothing made any sense to you anymore. The lack of disappointment, the barely there fear, that damned calmness. Not a single thing.

‘You say she is obedient. I want to see just how obedient she can be,’ the queen answered, not giving too many hints to the half-elf; however, one look at the boy’s firm jawline was enough to you to know he had gotten the message you had unsurprisingly missed.

‘Your wish is my command, my queen,’ the half-elf insisted before he stood up and turned towards you with his entire body.

The brewing storm in his gray eyes clashed with your calm. You were so stuck in the bubble your staring contest created, you didn’t realize the weight of the moment until you heard a familiar voice calling your name.

‘No, no. She can’t be here. You can’t be here, noh-ho…’ your sister cried out, her crazed eyes growing three times their usual size the moment she saw you. The lump in your throat felt big and hairy as you continuously tried and failed to swallow it down.

Why was she here?

‘Don’t move,’ were the first words that left Taeyang’s mouth; you felt both surprised and not when your body shut down and your limbs refused to move. You also didn’t know what to think about your defleating need to be close to your family. Up until that moment, your yearning for your sister’s closeness might have been flickering but constant. Now, when you were finally at an arm’s length from her, you just didn’t know what you wanted. If you had still wanted to hug her. If you should have still wanted her in your life and it unnerved you: that your feelings felt so foreign all of a sudden.

You furrowed your brows and looked up at the rider. What was happening to you?

‘That girl over there…’ the half-elf started as he cupped your cheeks and turned your head in your sister’s direction. Nobara was crying like the world was about to end, but unlike a few seconds before, now she was restricted by magical ropes that had grown from the ground. ‘She wants me dead. And you can’t lose me, can you, sweetheart?’ Theo asked and you could feel your heart clench at the thought of the half-elf’s death, hence you shook your head frantically. No. For some reason, you couldn’t lose him. ‘You have to protect me,’ he whispered into your ear before he pecked your lips.

Theo stepped away from you a moment later, but not before he pushed a knife into your hand. Your body, led by your determined heart, moved on automatic as you walked up to your si… to Theo’s enemy.

‘You freaking cowards. Just kill me, you hear me! Kill me. Don’t make her do it!’ The faintly familiar girl was screaming from the top of her lungs, making you wonder why the hell did she look so sad despite the curses. Shouldn’t she have been angry or scared?

With one precise cut on her neck and no free hands to put pressure on the wound, the girl fell on her knees and choked on her blood as she said:

‘S’ rr.’

Lacking further instructions, you could almost taste a small part of your free will on the tip of your tongue. Tears immediately blurred your vision, then soaked your cheeks and you didn’t even know why.

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Theo’s palm was warm against your cheek, his gentle caresses pacifying the raging frustration in your soul. Devastated and confused, but still sort of detached, you let him pull your head against his chest and buried your face in his loose shirt. Something was wrong, something was seriously wrong with you and this situation, and you needed him to tell you what had just happened. ‘You still don’t get it, do you?’

You really didn’t, and you shook your head to signal that you had no idea what was going on. You hoped it would be enough for the half-elf to have mercy on you and fill you in on the details.

Theo pressed his lips against the crown of your head and let out a sigh-laugh.

‘Your theory about soulmates… It wasn’t completely wrong,’ he started, mumbling into your hair. Your heart picked up its rate in excitement and you pulled away from him only a little, just to be able to see his beautiful face. ‘You were meant for me. I’m the successor of your heart. You gave it to me willingly.’

You furrowed your brows, admittedly unsure of what he had meant by that, but then he put his hand on your chest, right above your heart and the warmth lulled you into a state that felt so satisfying, it overpowered your need to understand just how literal his words could have been. You had confessed that you both cared about each other. Sure, it couldn’t have meant more than two unsure I love yous.

You loved him. He loved you.

‘You are dismissed,’ you could hear the queen’s voice from somewhere on your right, but you didn’t turn in her direction until she asked her men to clean up the mess. Then, you snapped your head in  her way without meaning to, and your eyes found the dead girl on the ground once more.

Nobara.

Your lips trembled at the sight of her lifeless body, but before you could have thought too much into your body’s unconscious reaction, Theo pulled you away from the scene.

You were sitting on the edge of the half-elf’s queen-sized bed, swinging your feet back and forth while you were waiting for him to bring you food. The tent that had been assigned to the two of you had the size of a smaller bedroom, which reminded you of people whose faces might have been familiar, but meant close to nothing to you.

You had an inkling feeling, that one of them was related to the dead girl somehow. You just couldn’t quite pinpoint the connection.

‘I hope you like rabbit meat,’ Theo exclaimed with a wide grin as soon as he entered the tent. He had two plates in one hand and a jug of iced water in the other, but he still managed to close the curtain door flawlessly to maintain your privacy.

‘I do,’ you reassured him and took one of the plates from him, placing the porcelain on your lap. The food smelled delicious, and it made you contemplate whether you should have asked any of those questions that had been on your mind while he had been gone. You didn’t want to ruin your dinner when it was your first time eating from actual plates, far from the horrific massacres of…

You furrowed your brows. Just a moment ago, you had been convinced that you were safe at this campsite. However, weren’t they the same monsters who had killed all those people you had never gotten the chance to speak to? Villages robbed and burned to the ground, innocent people killed at their own homes. These crimes had been committed by Dark Elves. You had been almost killed by a dark elf. So why were you so calm about staying at their tent?

And why were you so affected yet unaffected by that dead girl whose bled-out body stuck in your head for no goddamn reason?

‘Theo… Can I ask you something?’ You spoke up in a small voice, only continuing when the boy gave you the green light with the most precious smile you had ever seen on his face.

‘When it’s just the two of us, you can ask anything, sweetheart,’ he said as he wiped some of the juice off his lips with his thumb and sucked his finger clean with his eyes on you. 

You gulped, determined to stay focused.

‘About the dead girl… Who is she? I feel like she is someone important to m—’

Before you could have finished your sentence, Theo grabbed both of your arms and turned you towards himself. Your food, half-eaten and sad, fell on the floor dirtying not only the rugs but your left foot, too. Could it have been that the rider’s “anything” did not include that girl? It definitely seemed so.

You swallowed down the bile that was creeping up in your throat. Your eyeballs were moving from left to right repeatedly in desperation. You had never meant to upset him. You had just wanted to know why your heart was so calm while the cogs inside your brain tried to remind you of something important.

‘Look in my eyes,’ Theo demanded and you willed yourself to focus on one single point on his face instead of trying to take everything in: the small twitches of his jawline, the flaring of his nostrils. ‘From now on, I’ll be the only one you’ll think about. Noone else, only me, you hear me? I’ll be the only one on your mind,’ he said firmly.

Your lips parted for a soft protest, but no words made it through them. And a couple of seconds later, you couldn’t even pinpoint why you would have wanted to think about anybody else but your soulmate. Because Theo was your soulmate, he had to be. There was no other explanation for the warmth you felt in your chest whenever his eyes bored into yours so lovingly.

When the silence stretched long enough for the half-elf to break it, you let him feed you with his own food and also followed him towards the barrel in the back of the tent that was filled with warm water for bathing. A distant memory about how shy you had felt when a few of your boy neighbors had showed up at the stream you had been playing in with your… with someone close to you popped up in your mind, but it disappeared just as quickly, and with that, your reason to ask for some privacy.

‘Come here, sweetheart, and put your hands up for me,’ the half-elf asked and you did as he said with a happy smile, letting him help you out of your clothes and wash your body with a soft cloth while you were sitting in the enormous barrel. These were activities you could have done on your own, a faint voice in your head tried to remind you; however, you shut its nagging out easily and leaned your head back against the edge of the barrel with a content sigh. It felt so nice to be taken care of.

To not have to worry about what was next, because Theo was there for you to make those decisions on your behalf with your best interest in mind.

To be guided and told when the water was starting to get too cold, and be wrapped in a warm towel afterwards. Like this, being carried to your shared bed, it was easy to only think about Theo. To only want to be embraced by Theo.

To live for your soulmate.

‘My beautiful sweetheart. You must be tired, hm? It was such an exhausting day,’ the half-elf mumbled against the top of your head after he tucked you under the blankets and pulled you against his chest. He was stroking your hair slowly, making you hesitant whether you should have told him you didn’t want to sleep.  

It didn’t matter, not anymore. And maybe he knew your body better than you knew yourself anyway. Because you did fall asleep the moment he said:

‘Sleep, my love. I promise you, no one will dare to hurt you until you’re here with me.’

the end.

[hotarutranslations]

~MOTTO MORNING MUSUME~ First Day!

Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring ~MOTTO MORNING MUSUME~

First day!!

Thank you very much, for the afternoon and evening performance!!

I met with everyone I really wanted to meet,

Also I was bathing in the cheers that I had wanted,

The lights were shining so much, it was like Morning Musume was who I wanted to meet as well,

What I like is here, after all…🏅

I really felt that with this first day

I like it….☺️🫶🏻

With Morning Musume songs, There are times where it suddenly hits me, That I'm singing Morning Musume songs

I myself will really feel, these kinds of things a lot, and then I send it out

Speaking of, the first day!!!

With just today, I am sure there were those of you that just had tickets for today and were looking forward to it, I did it while thinking of that, did you enjoy it to your hearts content🌏💫

For us from now on, we will be performing around the country but,

I'm looking forward to cherishing meeting you in each and every place🪽

To those celebrating their first day tomorrow, Fufu! Look forward!

In any case for today,

for your crazy amount of support,

Also standing on stage and really seeing, eeveryones really kind smiles,

Thank you very much!!!

Kitagawa Rio-chan, Happy birthday---🩵🩵🩵

There are many things I liked

But since it would be a spoiler a wont say them

Therfore I've ended up writing something simple but, I really, really, like the charm of Kitagawa on stage! I really like it! I can only simply write this, Its at times where I can't disclose it? so, I'll say it again, I really like it!

I hope you're 20th year is also a year of spreading your wings🪽

Congratulations------🩵

Spring tour tickets are on general sale..

🩵🎫e+ 🩵🎫TicketPia

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

In season 10 we challenged breakin', its reairing continuously! On the 15th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, #1~#6 all at once! Check out HP for info!

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" Every week (Sat) 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Also on YouTube

Sendai Broadcast Ara Ara Kashiko

📺"HinaFest 2024" Before Special ~NamaTake Member Great Gathering 2 Hour SP~ (tenative)

CS TV Asa Channel March 24th (Sun) 12:00PM~

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿Releasing February 7th

Morning Musume '23 25th ANNIVERSARY CONCERT TOUR ~glad quarter-century~ at Nippon Budokan

Thank you for waiting for the Blu-ray&DVD! Its finally releasing--!

Its already nostalgic but, It has an amazing medley, really Please enjoy it many times

📚Releasing on February 7th "Hello! Project BEST SHOT!! Vol.26"

Ishida AyumixOda SakuraxNonaka Miki📸 Fukumura MizukixIshida AyumixOda Sakura📸

✍🏻Tokyo Sports note Series #146 Memories of Panda(san) Village with the two that were like elementary school students

🪩Spring Tour Has Been Decided Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

We'll be going around the country from March 16th!

🪩HinaFest March 30th and 31st at Makuhari Messe

🪩JAPAN JAM Morning Musume '24 will be performing on May 3rd!

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

.👗👠 Aoyama Clothing x Morning Musume '24

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! ~Expressing Love Towards My Favorite Panda-san♡ ver.~ in Adventure World

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! Mei-chan's Holiday. Adventure World with Oda-san and Ishida-san

see you ayumin <3

[cvrseduser]

@impishsensei a demandé : satoru knows suguru isn't the type to care about material things, but that doesn't stop him from splurging on his best friend/boyfriend. he's personally always liked using gifts as a sigh of affection, and while suguru is by no means materialistic, he doubts the other would ever turn down a nice gift. it's nothing too crazy—a lot of it is neat stuff he's picked up while out on missions, like knitted gloves from a village in hokkaido and a rare cologne he'd picked up in okinawa. he gets a limited edition record for him and necklace, too, and that just about rounds out the physical items. more than all of that, however, satoru knows that suguru values their time together. they've been together for years, and although the awkward confusion of being best friends with romantic feelings for each other as teenagers has long come to pass, it's still hard to find time together sometimes given the nature of their jobs. thankfully they both work at the school, but still... time for just the two of them is rare to come by. satoru knows part of it has to do with the gripes the higher-ups have with both himself and suguru by extension. despite that, he manages to get the stars to align so that the two of them could have time off together for suguru's birthday. a few days should be enough, right? suguru's folding laundry when satoru walks in the door of their shared apartment, a sight that has satoru smiling all the way up to his eyes, behind the material of his blindfold. he slides right up from behind the other, setting his bag of gifts on the counter beside him to hug him instead, kissing gently along the side of his neck. "hey babe... happy birthday. hope you're ready to spend the whole weekend with me, 'cause i made sure we'd both have it all off."

Suguru had not been the biggest fan of Satoru's assigned mission the day prior, and he hadn't kept his dissatisfaction a secret with the way he groaned and tipped his head to a side. He wasn't going to tell Satoru not to go ; it was their duty, after all, but it was getting tiring missing each other's birthdays on behalf of work.

So he's actually pretty pleased when, the next morning, Satoru is back earlier than he anticipated, and soft lips are soon pressing against his neck.

That was also the last shirt on the rack, so he finishes folding it and places it on top of the little pile of fresh clothes before a little oh escapes him just as he's turning around to face his partner.

« The whole weekend ? » Suguru asks with raised eyebrows, just to make sure he heard right. What a luxury ! He is curious to ask just how exactly Satoru managed to get both of them off for a couple of days but, honestly, at this point he doesn't care if he asked nicely or not. They both need a little break, and spending time with his one and only is the best gift he could've asked for. Not just for his birthday, but every single day, too.

In Satoru's embrace, Suguru reaches up to lightly press his fingers to his cheekbones, gently slipping them under the thick fabric of his blindfold, rucking it up to uncover those beautiful eyes that held the skies.

Lips stretch into a smile that he's soon pressing against Satoru's own in a chaste kiss. « Mm. Happy birthday to me, indeed, »

[inukag-archive]

Hello, I love The Half Breeds Wife by Gypsyn and For Better or Worse by Anime Wildfire. Do you have any recommendations for stories where Inuyasha and Kagome get married early on and navigate feudal Japan together? Thank you!

Hello, anon! We’ll admit that this was a bit of a challenge, but we did our best to find fics that take place in feudal Japan, where InuKag get married early in the story and go on adventures as husband and wife. We took a few liberties here and there in order to provide you with more options, so some of the stories on this list may not check every box (such as the feudal Japan setting or the timing of the marriage), but we really hope that you find something you enjoy!

To start, we’ve included links to the two stories referenced, for anyone who may not have read them. The rest of the list consists of similar stories compiled by our fic-finders.  

The Half-Breed’s Wife by @gypsin (T)

On the night of the new moon, a runaway girl stumbles into Inuyasha's life. Little did he realize then what he would be undertaking by saving her. But when Kagome has nowhere else to go will he leave her to her fate Or will he rise to the occasion? And what will the humans think?

--

For Better or Worse by Anime Wildfire (T)

Kagome, priestess in training, turns her life upside down when she saves the life of the half demon Inuyasha… and accidentally finds herself bound to him via pesky subjugation beads. This is not how she thought her day- or her life- was going to go.

------

Cannot Be Broken by White Dire Wolf (M)

Kagome has unknown powers. Found and raised by Sesshomaru, will she master these powers in time before she is taken? Even after she recklessly agreed to marry his enemy and brother, InuYasha? Rated for language, limes and lemon.

--

Early Crossing by Lady Elisabeth (T)

The love story of the hanyou and the miko is familiar to many. However, when a grievous tragedy forces Kagome's early arrival in the Feudal Era, the ramifications extend farther than either of the two fated lovers will perhaps ever realize. 

--

Your Lying Smile by @dawnrider (M)

A beautiful day by the river quickly takes a turn, taking control of her life completely out of Kagome's hands. Her "rescuer" becomes something else entirely before she can get a word in edgewise. Feudal-esue AU

--

The Price of a Wish by @lazy8blog (T)

When a daiyoukai showed up at Kagome's village and demanded she do the impossible, against all odds, she somehow managed to do it anyway... but at what price?

--

The Shikon Princess by Stormcloud17 (E)

Marriage is sacred. It is meant to be between two people who held love for one another. Meant to start a happy and joyous life together.

That is, unless you're royalty. Then, you don't have much choice in the matter.

Kagome had just reached her 15th birthday when the Shikon Jewel was sent to her, an act of proposal on behalf of the Inu-Yokai clan, asking her hand in marriage to their Hanyo prince, Son of the late, great Lord Toga, as an act to secure his half of the western lands, Musashi.

Now, 3 years later, Kagome is finally to be delivered to her husband, a far less than willing participant in his father's affairs that lead to a mortal woman being laid on the doorstep of his palace wrapped in silks like a present.

~Once the red strings of fate become tangled, it cannot be unraveled~

--

The Shogun’s Daughter by @shnuggletea (E)

Kagome's father passed away when she was just a child but his Shogun status still makes her a valuable bride to a Lord of lands that border their village. Lord Inuyasha Tashio is pushed by the council into marriage, assured his new bride was an excellent choice. All their fears and anxiety are amplified when they meet.

--

Who’s the Outcast? by Wordsorcereress (T)

He was a hanyou, she was a human, he was called 'halfbreed' because of his blood, she was called a witch because of her demon accepting ways, he was sealed because of what he was, she is isolated because of what she does... Who's the REAL outcast here?

--

The 500 Year Bride by JijiAndGecko (G)

AU where Izayoi lives and sets up an arranged marriage for Kagome and Inuyasha almost immediately after she meets Kagome. They decide to fake it til they get the jewel shards, but then things get complicated. Over 200 pages of shenanigans! I wrote this story for myself so Kagome is demi now but otherwise I tried to keep everyone as in character as possible.

--

A Bloom in the Night by @petri808 (G)

Empress Higurashi is placed in a dire situation after her husband the Emperor was killed under troubling circumstances. A neighboring Kingdom is pressuring her to give them her daughter, Princess Kagome. Desperate, she contacts the Yokai ruler who oversees their territory for help, the Inu no Taisho. His son, Inuyasha becomes part of the answer... or really was Kagome herself all the strength they needed?

--

By the Match, Not the Flame by @goshinote (M)

Inuyasha is a hellbent hanyo on a mission for revenge. Kagome is a wanted miko on the run. Their intentions align in more ways than one, but secrets abound between them as they partner up during their travels. With an inevitable and impending betrayal looming over them, the pressure rises with every day they spend moving closer to the enemy’s clutches.

[scorchieart]

Happy birthday 🎂 gorgeous ❤️

May I please request some crack with the three new princes meeting MC'S grandmother 😅🙈

Sometimes granny can be terrifying 🤣

(@ikemen-prince-writers-posts here)

Right back at ya Jazz, you're looking sharp! Your outfit is totally on point today 😉

Thanks for the kind wishes (but you can tell how late I am replying to this, vry vry srry!!)

I'm not sure if this qualifies as crack, but I tried my best cuz it was just such a funny prompt. Belle's grandmother shall be referred to as "Granny" for this. Shoutout to @atelieredux with help on Keith's bit!

The New Princes Meeting Granny, an Afternoon Adventure

Gilbert: And that is how one properly maintains a cane for years to come. Granny: Such a helpful young man. And here I thought there was something off about you. I always see people running when you enter the room. Here, have a biscuit. Gilbert: You are too kind. And think nothing of it, I have grown used to such behavior back home I hardly notice it anymore. Granny: Well it's no wonder! With your eyepatch and dark clothes... why, when I first saw you I thought the Grim Reaper had come for me at last! Gilbert: I couldn't imagine why. Such a vivacious young woman such as yourself could only attract the most lively company. Granny: Oh, stop you! Have another biscuit. Gilbert: *om nom nom* Granny: But I am curious as to why you are dressed like that in the middle of summer. And why you are in need of a walking cane when you appear to have two perfectly sound legs there. Gilbert: Ah well, people often dress how they wish to be judged in the hearts of others. Granny: But didn't you judge my appearance just now? Gilbert: Indeed, and appearances are often misleading, are they not, Granny?

Silvio: Old woman! For the twentieth time, I am not interested in consuming any more of those half-baked heart-attacks you call cooking! Granny: Nonsense! You are so thin, they must not feed you enough in your country. Sit down and let Granny pour you another plate of liver and onions. Silvio: Enough! You've already shoveled enough of that slop down my throat to add 10 pounds on an entire village. I am only here to get you to admit that spawn of your spawn is Belle! Granny: Why, young man, it's been ages since someone called me "Bella". I misjudged you, your people certainly know how to flatter a woman. Silvio: Do not hide behind your poor hearing excuse, I saw your head pop out the door the moment I entered the hall. Now tell me, is your King taking a forever dirt nap? Answer me quickly before I book you in the suite next to him! Granny: His Highness has an underground hotel? It's incredible the things they come up with nowadays. But they must burn through so many candles, and how do they know what time it is without any windows? Silvio: *nostrils flaring* I-AM-GOING-TO-COUNT-TO-THREE- Granny: Careful you don't hurt yourself, sonny, that's a pretty high number. Have another bite. Silvio: *pterodactyl screeching*

Granny: Why are you hiding it? Show Granny what you've done. Keith: It's nowhere near as nice as yours. Granny: Nonsense, it is very good for a first try. Keep it up and soon you'll be knitting patterns to rival those that skin-and-bones-fish prince keeps trying to pawn off on me. Keith: But those are made by artisans. They've been perfecting their craft for their entire lives. Besides, I'm a prince. It wouldn't do to waste my time on frivolities like domestic chores. Granny: Now whose dribble are you parroting, boy? Do you think a woman my age has made it this far repeating the same old motions day in and day out? You are young, it's your time to experiment and find what you like! Keith: Well... I like sweets. Granny: And you're in no better place to learn about them! Look, there's that strawberry prince who's always challenging me to baking contests. Why don't you ask him to teach you... oh hang on, his face actually looks like a strawberry today. Keith: Prince Yves? It looks like he's arguing with someone. Granny: Is that the quiet boy? I must have pegged him wrong, he is squashing that strawberry. Keith: You mean Prince Licht? No, that's his twin brother, Prince Nokto. He talks enough for the two of them. Granny: Twins? Bless my soul! Can you imagine having another version of yourself walking around entirely separate from you with no control over what he does? How often must they get mistaken for one another, I wonder? Keith: ... Granny: Keith, dear? Are you alright? You've gone quiet all of a sudden. Keith: Just focusing on my knitting. I'd like to show you how I've improved the next time we meet.

[lespritdekin]

enslaving appetence.

the man dressed in white was an enigma, but his revolting desire to possess you for all of his eternity wasn't. na jaemin was the devil's entity in human form, and he scorched you in the burning flames of your nightmares.

pairingㅡ yandere!jaemin x fem!reader

other charactersㅡ best friend and crush!jeno

genreㅡ yandere!au

warningsㅡ madman!jaemin, stalking, obsession, unhealthy possessiveness, mentions of sexual preferences, breach of privacy, implied physical abuse, use of a baseball bat.

song recㅡ she will be loved by maroon 5

disclaimerㅡ as far as my miniscule intelligence could muster, i may have posted this piece on wattpad a year ago or two under the name 'neo alternative plots' or alike. with that explanation, please don't react to the oneㅡshot's presence here on tumblr negatively. this also isn't proofread.

You watched as the pink decorations of the ceiling mimicked your nose, the happy smile on your face getting greeted by an excited Roseanne. You embraced her dressed her figure as she did your own, the gentle noise of the lullabies of her favorite songs supplemented her girlish saturnalia.

You observed your environment and smiled widely, this was the theme you wanted when you were sixteen, and you're happy your best friend got to live her dreams.

You were scooping in a small bowl of punch to drink and munch on as all of you were at the backyard of Roseanne's home, a film on going about your female companion's life story to where she is now. As you were about to pull a slice of lasagna from the tray, a large figure dressed in white shadowed your hand.

You looked up to see a gorgeous brunette with dark, tantalizing eyes, his pretty lips in a small lopsided smile. You unconsciously swallowed the lump in your throat and pulled your hand away from him, apologizing for the things you've never done wrong.

❝I don't accept apologies from gentle faces, princess.❞ A lethargic smirk made its way to his devastatingly breathtaking face, the air escaping your nose suddenly asking for entrance.

❝Although, I'd love to see you rotten.❞ The leathery substance of his inky voice held your throat captive in its seat, the inching hand on your own tiny one made your skin crawl. Your eyes trembled from their sockets, the humidity of his lips turning your skin cold.

What did he want to turn you in?

R-Rotten?

❝P-please,❞ You squeaked, his eyes turning darker, duller, more disheartening. ❝Let go of me.❞ The nimble appendages around yours tightened their grip, the male forced a smile. You yanked your hand away, and a broad back made its way to greet your mousy nerves. Your cheek touched the soft fabric of his lavender pullover, and you immediately acknowledged the scent.

❝Respect the girl's privacy, man.❞ Jeno grumbled from his strong stance, the sardonic, hateful laugh of the man with midnight eyes eyeing your best friend's hand on yours, the way your fingers clutched at Jeno and not at him.

❝Pretty boy came to pretty girl's rescue, how romantic.❞ The white silk of his fit tuxedo adjusted, his hand running up the thick strands of his brown hair. His head hung down, but his eyes bulged forward. Your hands scrambled to find substance of relief when his feet came closer and closer, his abyssmal orbs boring right into your savior.

❝Better watch out for the Madman if you want your skin unscathed.❞ The silence of his voice caused you to wince, and you hid your face on Jeno's back, his hand instinctively holding your arm. The odd chap turned away, went on his heel, and disappeared into the party. You held your head, Jeno turning immediately to hold you close to him.

❝You're alright, [Name]. You're safe.❞ Tears blurred your vision and you cried, large thumbs swiping them away. Jeno didn't need to ask what you needed to have, wanted to hold, he was there through it all, and he's seen you in lights other people haven't, seen you burned and drowned and survived.

❝I'll take you home.❞ Jeno excused the both of you, telling the birthday girl that you needed to leave. Rosie embraced you and wished for your well-being before you left. Jeno never let go of your hand, you've been staring at it for the entire while. The male looks down at you, an apologetic smile on his face.

❝I'll hold your hand, don't worry. The parking lot's only a few blocks away, I'll keeping you close.❞ You didn't give him a response, continuing to walk along side him.

You sat inside the front seat and held your phone with trembling hands, your best friend turning on the heater for you. He kissed your head before driving away from the parking lot, wanting to play the first song of your favorite playlist whenever you're feeling down.

❝Dㅡdo you mind?❞ You softly asked Jeno, his eyes suddenly turning into crescent moons when he looked at you. ❝Go on.❞ You turned your phone of and browsed through the screen, pressing onto the first song of a dozen. Your nose had turned red from crying, and the only way you could ease it away was by listening to your favorite songs.

Jeno caught a glimpse of your face once the tune reverberated within the vehicle. He sighed, absolutely despised when male after male molest you. You weren't a toy to play with, you needed care, love and guidance, some things he's always done to you for so long.

You felt revolting. You felt like your world was crippling, distorting, shattering, just as you were finally alright again, just as you were finally read to be happy again. Your fingers shivered despite the ongoing heat of the car. Your best friend took notice and held your hand in his again, your heart almost ‎skipping another beat.

He brought you to your flat and made sure that your roommates were home. He gave you a towel after knocking on the door for permission, seeing your newly washed face gave him feathers inside. You were so adorable like that. You dried your face and changed into a pair of thick pink pajamas, your thoroughly scrubbed hand rivaling the feminine color.

You assisted Jeno on the way to the door after he made sure all of your windows and doors were locked and snug. You laughed at him softly after the occurrence of a male touching you like a predator temporarily left your mind as you see Jeno with roseate adorning his cheeks.

You look up at him with red eyes, already wrapping your arms around him. ❝I could kiss you right now.❞ He muttered, holding your cheek. ❝But, I don't have your consent, and your roommates are probably awake.❞ You giggled wholeheartedly, causing him to heave a sigh despite chuckling.

❝[Name], your parents might hate me!❞ He whined, but you continued to laugh, you didn't give a damn if he brought you to a stage and kissed you in front of a crowd, you didn't care if he kissed you in a family reunion.

❝You two are so annoying!❞ Someone screamed from two bedrooms down, the both of you and Jeno genuinely laughing. Despite allowing his submission to appear, his hands never left your back protectively, and you felt safer than a baby getting taken care of an entire village.

He held you in his arms one last time before walking through the doorway, closing the door after him. You leaned your back on the smooth wood and slid down, keeping your squeals at minimum. Your person of interest of almost a year held you like you were the most delicate thing in the world, kissed your hair, made you feel special, and wanted your parent's approval of everything.

You went back to your room and screamed into the pillows, your hand waiting for the phone to ding. You eventually turned drowsy, but you couldn't sleep. You tossed and turned, but they were futile. You went downstairs and had three glasses of water, all chugging them down in one go.You washed your face in the kitchen sink and washed your glass and was about to return, not until one of your favorite songs played through the speakers from your room.

Your eyes trembled, and so did your hands.

You immediately hid inside a bottom cabinet, covering your mouth with your hands.Your roommates never entered your room strictly without your word, and they disliked your odd taste in music for them to play your speaker and one of your favored songs. Just before you could foolishly land your foot over the creaking wood of the stairwell, the screeching noise of your room opened, heavy, aching boots gripped the silence of the flat, and you almost pissed yourself.

You covered your ears, the sound of another thumping object frightening you. He desired nothing but to daunt you, turn you into a demented marionette, just like him.

Beauty queen of only eighteen

She had some trouble with herself

He was always there to help her

She always belonged to someone else

Each nerve in your body stiffened and your teeth clattered, you assume your hair stood in all directions, and you're certain your heartbeat's abormally thumping inside your chest. You need Jeno, but your phone's in your room, you could call or run for your roommates, but he'd already be there, appendages wrapped prettily around your neck.

And indeed, he was awaiting for your arrival of submission.

I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door

I've had you so many times, but somehow, I want more

The deafening dollops of burning rubber on wood ceased sound, but the certain reverberating outcries of polished wood on rusty ones had you inching closer to the corner of an enclosure that barely fit you, and your mind was running wild. He could feel it, your idiotic heartbeat grumbling inside an unprotected fence, something he can break so easily.

❝I don't mind spending everyday out on the corner in the pouring rain.❞

Your eyes shot up, the accostumed voice in your ears, the silent, demanding whispers, the glacial, dispassionate delivery of a monster, and you've only heard it once. He smirked, tracing the dimly lit crevices from the street lamps standing tall on the fronts of the floor, the thin glass of the windows making him believe how pathetic you were, how much of a feeble-minded whore you were.

Look for the girl with a broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay a while

You hear footsteps again, aggressive, menacing, resounding, and he was so close, so near of getting his hands on you, taking what was never his. You enclosed your fingers and bit your knuckle, closing your eyes shut. Tears encaptured the pink-stained skin of your plump, delicate cheeks. He could materialize the trembling clatter of your teeth, the perspiration in between your chest, and the reverberating drift of your clenching pussy.

And she will be loved

❝She will be loved.❞

[fanmoose12]

Hi fanmoose! Got a prompt for you, if you're interested: Levi seeing the 104th and the vets preparing gifts for Hange's birthday, but he's wondering what to give them so he goes above and beyond... all the Scouts are taken by surprise.

Thanks, and good luck!

i changed a couple of things..... hope you still enjoy it! thanks for the prompt <3

Jean got a notebook. Armin made a new quill, using a feather from the owl he and Mikasa caught. Connie brought from his home village a whole basket of peers Hange loved so much. Sasha was responsible for baking a cake.

Nifa made her favorite brownies. Mike decided to gift Hange a new jacket, Nanaba bought a new pair of shoes, Erwin got her a new pair of glasses and a microscope she was whining about for so long. Moblit drew a fucking portrait of her.

Even Eren, as obtuse as he was, prepared a present for Hange.

“My mom was very good at sewing,” he shared with Levi, in the middle of his training, “she didn’t teach me how to do it,” at that, his voice lost some of its edge, tints of sadness appearing, “but Mikasa knows how to sew and she promised to help me with it!”

Levi could only arch an eyebrow. “And how is that related to a gift for Hange?”

Eren leaned closer with a hand next to his mouth, looking so serious, like he was going to tell the biggest secret in the world. “I’m going to sew a plushie for Squad Leader.”

“A plushie? A fucking toy with your titan’s face?”

There was a beat of silence. Then… “Damn it.” Eren took head in his hands, tugging at his hair with alarming desperation. “Damn it! I should have sewed the plushie of my Titan! Hange-san loves it!”

Yeah, as much as it annoyed Levi, there was certainly no way he could deny that.

“So… what did you sew instead?”

Peaking beneath his fingers, Eren mumbled. “A plushie of me holding a heart that says ‘I love you, Hange’.”

Fuck… as dense as Eren was, Levi had to admit… the gift was not bad at all. Especially for Eren. Especially comparing to his gift, which consisted of…

Nothing.

Just two days were left before Hange’s birthday, and he still no idea what to give her. Hange was probably expecting a present from him. Or, maybe, she was not. She was nice like that – always giving without asking for something in return. Hange was also kind, she thought he was her friend, and even more than that. Best friend, she once told him. And Levi had to admit. He felt it too. Hange was his friend. The first one he made in Survey Corps. The closest one he had.

Some friend he was, apparently. Not even preparing a gift for her.

Sensibly, he knew that he was making a problem out of nothing. He could give Hange something simple – a shampoo she obviously didn’t possess; a book she would probably like and squeal in his ear about; a new shirt or a bottle of good wine.

Hange would probably enjoy these kinds of gift. They were certainly useful. But were they meaningful? Would Hange remember them, ten years from now?

He wanted her to. Hange was his friend, perhaps, even something more. He wanted only the best for her. That’s why picking up a gift was such a problem.

With only two days left, Levi was getting desperate. He was thinking about seeking out help, but just before he gathered the strength…

The help came to him themselves.

“Good day, Levi,” with a good-natured smile, Erwin invaded his office, Mike and Nanaba trailing after him. “Are you busy?”

Levi pointedly looked at the mountain of paperwork on his desk. “Yes,” he drew, “All thanks to you, Erwin.”

“Well, you can take a break,” Erwin waved his hand dismissively, and took a seat on the opposite end of Levi’s desk. Nanaba and Mike occupied the sofa. “We came to discuss something very important,” the smile was gone, as Erwin clenched his jaw and knitted his eyebrows in a hard line. Looking at that expression, Levi felt his stomach sinking. What was this all about? If it was about their upcoming expedition, then where was… “A little birdie shared with us,” Erwin interrupted his heavy thoughts, “That you still have no present for Hange.”

What? Levi gawked at his guests, switching his confused gaze from one to the other.

“And what is the name of that birdie?” He would find that birdie and give them a piece of his mind, for sure. Who dared get poke his nose into his personal matters?

“Please, Levi,” Mike joined the conversation, “You couldn’t get more obvious. I can smell your desperation from miles away.”

Levi’s annoyance rose. Birdies, smelling desperation. Could they talk like normal people?

Seeing his increasing frustration, Nanaba decided to come to rescue. She smiled, tucking a lock of her hair behind an ear. “I overheard your conversation with Eren. You looked a bit distressed, honestly I thought you were going to kick his ass again… And since I doubt Hange is enamored with Eren in that way, I concluded that you…”

“Are angry not because the boy is a titan and spends too much time with Hange, but because he already has a gift prepared, when you do not.” Erwin finished.

Well… the conclusion was sound, at least. But that didn’t mean that Levi felt any less annoyed.

“So?” he raised an eyebrow, staring judgingly at his intruders. “What do you want from me?”

“We want to help, of course,” the smile was back at Erwin’s lips. “And we have some ideas.”

“Such as?”

Nanaba bounced from her seat, crossing the room to bang her palms against the surface of Levi’s desk. He jumped slightly, certainly not expecting it.

“You know what Hange really likes?”

“Books?” Levi tried. “Science? Titans? Books about titan’s science?”

“No, dummy,” Nanaba shook her head, “Hange likes you.”

It took him a long moment to comprehend. Even then, the only thing Levi could get out of his mouth was a very faint, “Eh?”

“We all know how much Hans makes you happy.” Mike said.

They did? How so?

“You spend a lot of time with Hange,” Erwin noted, answering his unasked question.

“And you allow her to do things that you deny everyone else,” Nanaba continued.

“And when she is with you, that constipated expression disappears from your face.” Mike finished.

He… didn’t have a constipated expression. And while Hange did make his days more pleasant and his survival that easier and more enjoyable… Levi was sure that no one knew about it, but him.

“Listen, we all know that you like Hange, and we’re telling you that Hange likes you. That’s why…” Erwin lifted his chin, his smile becoming nearly devilish. Were they still talking about a simple birthday gift? “I made a reservation in a restaurant in Sina. Take Hange there, eat good food, drink some wine, have a good night… Make Hange happy.”

Their suggestion was certainly better than Levi’s nothing. However…

“What you’re offering seems a lot like fraternization. Isn’t that illegal?” he narrowed his eyes at Erwin, skepticism oozing from him. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Perish the thought!” not swayed by Levi’s scary expression, Erwin chuckled. “You’re correct, technically, two officers are not allowed to enter romantic relationship, but I think it’s a little too late for that.” Huh? Just how Levi was meant to interpret that? “Besides… think about humanity, Levi! If you and Hange were to conceive a child…” the expression on Erwin’s face was so dreamy, Levi felt chills at the base of his spine. “A child born from the union of humanity’s strongest and smartest… It could very well save our world!”

Levi stared at his Commander, at loss of words. Saying ‘you’re fucked up in the head, Erwin’ seemed a little too rude even for him, considering that Erwin was his superior officer. Still… he was fucked up in the head.

“Don’t listen to him,” Nanaba spoke, attracting Levi’s attention. “But think about our offer. An evening like that will really make Hange happy. You want that, don’t you?”

Did he want to make Hange happy? More than anything…

“Do it for Hange,” Nanaba urged.

“Do it for love,” Mike added.

“Do it for humanity!” Erwin passionately concluded.

Fucked up in the head, Levi thought. All of them were. Himself, included. But what was he going to lose? Besides, their offer was better than anything he could have come up with.

“Alright,” he surrendered, a sigh escaping him. “I’ll do it.”

Nanaba cheered. Mike nodded at him with a smile. Erwin looked like he was about to cry. Then, to Levi’s horror, he saluted.

“Get out of my office now,” he shooed them away, lowering his gaze back to the papers. “I need to work.”

“Just another quick thing,” Nanaba patted his shoulder with a cheerful smile. “Walk Hange to the door of her room after the dinner. And make sure that you return after nine o’clock.”

Ah. So they had an ulterior motive. Of course. Levi shouldn’t be surprised.

“You’re planning something for Hange, I take it?”

“A little party,” Mike confessed. “We’ll deal with food and drinks, but you’re in charge of getting Hange there in time.”

Levi didn’t remember agreeing to be in charge of Hange, but… he didn’t like the idea of anyone else doing it in his stead.

“Nine o’clock, four-eyes’ room, I got it. Now get out of my office.”

Nanaba, Erwin and Mike didn’t need to be told twice.

___

After finding a solution to his main dilemma, Levi was now met with another, no less important and challenging than the previous one.

Erwin and the others got him a reservation at the restaurant. But... now he needed to invite Hange there.

His first attempt, executed not long after Erwin, Nanaba and Mike left his office, failed spectacularly, despite his expectations. He naively thought that a simple note, carried to Hange via Moblit, would suffice. But, perhaps, the note didn’t reach its destination. Or Hange forgot to read it. Or she somehow misinterpreted the sentence ‘do you want to dine together?’. Or the fault laid in the absence of Levi’s signature.

Nevertheless, he needed to do better.

His next attempt was slightly more successful. At least, he got some kind of reaction. Still not reaction he had needed. Apparently, there were ways that one could misunderstand the simple phrase ‘hey, four-eyes, want to eat with me?’. Levi had expected a very enthusiastic ‘yes’. Instead he received ‘I’ll see you at the dinner’ and a door to his face.

Evidently, he had to do not only better, but also be a little clearer about his intentions.

After lots of pondering, Levi decided that nothing could be clearer than throwing a shiny new black jacket from Mike at Hange and barking, “Get dressed, Hange. We’re going out.”

That got him an intrigued ‘oooh’ and a promise to be ready in five minutes.

Levi smirked to himself. Finally, his plan had worked. Finally, he got through that brilliant and extremely dense head.

___

At first, the dinner was, for the lack of better word,extremely awkward.

Erwin failed to mention just how fancy the restaurant would be. Turned out, it was fancy. Very fancy. Fancier than anything Levi had seen in his life. Even Hange, despite not being a street rat from Underground, was feeling a little off.

“Everyone is staring at us,” she whispered to him, leaning over the table to do so.

Hange was right. Everyone was gawking at them. Perhaps, the reason for it was their clothes. Both of them were dressed in their best suits. Still, their best didn’t even begin to reach the best of the gathered crowd. Perhaps, other guests were weirded out by Hange’s loud cheer at the sight of meat in the menu.

Or, perhaps, their reputation preceded them, and everyone in here knew about humanity’s strongest soldier and crazy titan scientist, two of Erwin Smith’s loyal devils.

Whatever the case was, Levi didn’t like the obvious staring. They came here to eat and have a good time, not be observed like clowns in the circus.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered back to her. He really was. It was Erwin’s mistake, but it was Hange’s birthday and it was his fault for not checking the restaurant beforehand. He was a scout, for fuck’s sake. It was his job.

“Don’t even start,” Hange huffed, waving her hand dismissively. “Not the first time I receive that sort of treatment. Probably not the last one as well.”

Hange paused, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “And if they want to look at us so much, let’s give them something to stare at.”

Levi’s lips twitched up. “And what do you suggest?”

“Let’s order the priciest meals they have, eat them like animals they think we are, and then run away and let Erwin deal with that.”

There were many reasons why Levi loved Hange. This was one of them.

___

True to Hange’s plan, they were at their worst behavior. They used spoons instead of forks, they drank straight from the bottle, Hange ate the dessert with her hands, smearing cake all over her mouth, cheeks, palms and shirt. Barely keeping himself from laughing out loud, Levi wiped it all with his cravat, as Hange cooed at his chivalry.

Two hours later, their stomachs were full, the crowd was scandalized, their hearts were merry and their eyes were shining with unbridled mischief.

“I think we’ve succeeded at making the worst impression possible,” Hange spoke, following it with a loud laughter. Several guest scoffed at the volume. Levi showed all of them his scariest scowl. The rich fuckers returned their attention to their plates in record time.

“It’s time we make our exit,” he agreed.

He looked at Hange more closely, thinking if he should take the risk. She had been touching him freely throughout the whole evening. She pressed their calves together under the table, she ran a hand through his arm, she let him touch her face and tilt her chin. She didn’t seem opposed to the idea, so… Levi took a deep sighed, searching for every bit of courage inside of him. Once all of it was gathered, he took Hange by the hand, helping her to stand up.

To his surprise and huge relief, she didn’t shake his hand off. On the contrary, she squeezed his palm and interlaced their fingers.

Hand in hand, they started towards walking out of the restaurant. On his way there, Levi discreetly pushed a plate of soup at some wealthy lady, staining her light creamy dress and receiving a indignant cry and a joyous giggle from Hange.

After that, they had to speed up a little. It was Hange’s birthday. Levi didn’t want to spend it in the prison cell.

Once they were outside and some distance away from the restaurant, Hange stopped.

“Shit, Levi! Had you seen her face? She was—”

She didn’t finish. Hange leaned against the wall and threw her head back, laughing without abandon. She doubled over, hugging her stomach, her mirth not ceasing. Finding her mood strangely infectious, Levi couldn’t help but chuckle too.

Still snickering to herself, Hange looked up to meet his gaze. Her whole body was shaking from the laughter, and tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. Disheveled, red-faced and laughing, she was the most beautiful sight Levi had ever seen. The moonlight and faint stars only accentuated her beauty.

Levi was lost in watching her.

Subconsciously, in a mindless attempt to get a better look at the wonder that was Hange Zoe, he leaned in.

Hange leaned in too, her hand finding place at his shoulder. She moved that hand slightly, closer to his neck. Her fingers ghosted around his hairline, making him shiver.

He was looking in her eyes. Hange was looking at his lips.

The world around the two of them faded, the sounds of a street at night, the singing from the nearby pub disappearing to the background.

Levi didn’t know, had failed to register who moved first. But a moment later, his hand was on her waist, and Hange buried her fingers in his hair. And then, they were kissing – sloppily, desperately, without skill but with lots of passion.

Levi felt like he was struck by lightning. Nothing he had ever done before felt even remotely as good as kissing Hange did.

As the kiss progressed, becoming deeper, Levi found himself pressed against the wall.

Hange was everywhere – her tongue was in his mouth, her palms on his cheeks, her knee was rising, resting against his crotch. It was almost too much. And yet, not enough.

“Hange, Hange,” with some difficulty, he separated himself from her hot mouth and soft lips. “Hange, if someone sees us—”

“Oh, right,” still pressed dangerously close to him, she giggled. “Erwin would have a heart attack if we get jailed for making out on the streets. He’d deem us a disappointment to humanity.”

“Back to barracks then?”

Hange licked her lips and winked. Levi felt another strong surge of desire. “We can continue there.”

After that kind of promise, Levi hurried to find where they left their horses. He all but raced there, and jumped on his loyal stallion, grasping the reins a little too tightly.

Hange followed his suit. “Who arrives at the barracks first, gets to be on top?” she challenged.

Without waiting for his reply, she started off. Cursing, Levi struggled to keep up.

That day, he learned one essential lesson. Riding a horse with a raging boner was a fucking torture.

___

Hange was the first one to reach the stumbles. Dismounting her horse, she ran up to Levi, pulling him off the saddle and instantly connecting their lips. Levi would have liked to complain, but… who was he kidding?

Without another word, he brought Hange closer, putting his hand on her hip.

Just as the first one, the second kiss was amazing, enough to knock his breath out and make his knees buckle underneath him.

“If that’s my birthday gift,” Hange murmured, panting after they broke apart. “Then it’s the best one I ever had.”

And here Levi thought that there was nothing more enjoyable than kissing Hange. But as he saw her gentle smile, the adoring expression in her twinkling eyes, he was ready to melt in her arms.

However, he wouldn’t be himself if he passed an opportunity to use a sarcastic quip. “Is it better than Erwin’s microscope? Than Eren’s plushie?”

Hange put a finger to her chin, looking up with a thoughtful expression. “The microscope is really good, and that plushie is so adorable…” Levi’s good spirits vanished, as something ugly found its place inside his chest. Before it could manifest in a scowl, Hange caught his lips with hers once again.

“But nothing is better than you, shorty,” she confessed as they separated.

Hange likes you, Nanaba had said. She wasn’t wrong, it seemed.

“Your room or mine?” he asked, already tugging off Hange’s jacket.

“Mine. I was the one to win, after all,” she smirked, rapidly turning away and starting to run. Levi had no choice but to chase her.

___

He caught up with her near the entrance. Ceasing the moment, he wrapped arms around her waist, pressing her to him. Hange’s giggle turned into a moan. Levi delighted in that.

Exchanging messy kisses, they tumbled through the front door. Unable to break away from each other, they clumsily walked through the barracks, tripping and stumbling. And, despite the growing desire, they didn’t hurry as well. They stopped near the stairwell, so Hange could put a hickey on a spot above his collarbone. They paused at the middle of the hallway, so Levi could grind against her. Hange pressed him against the wall to whisper, “Fuck, Levi, this feels so good.”

When they reached the bedroom, Levi was ready to cheer. It was the longest walk through the barracks he had ever had. Was Hange’s room always that far away from the entrance?

With her hands shaking, she searched through her pockets for a key. She found it after a long minute that Levi spent kissing her neck. Once she fished it out, she put the key in the keyhole, and decided to celebrate that grand achievement with another breathtaking kiss.

Getting a little too eager, Levi pushed Hange forward. That was his mistake.

Apparently, the door to her room wasn’t closed. And, apparently,the room also wasn’t empty.

Unfortunately, Levi realized that and remembered the second part of Erwin’s plan a second too late. After he had heard the loud and cheerful ‘Happy birthday, Hange!’

With his arms still around Hange, he froze. Everyone else in the room froze too. The awkward silence settled over.

Levi’s thought frantically moved around his head, jumping from one corner to another. What should he do? Apologize? Let Hange go? Tell all of them to fuck off so he and Hange could finish what they had started?

However, he didn’t get to decide what to do with the unexpected audience. Hange chose for him.

“Guys!” she clasped her hands joyfully, her smile brighter than all the candles that stood around the room combined. “That’s so sweet! Thank you!”

She pulled away from Levi, sprinting to get to her friends. She gave a tight hug to Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Moblit, Nifa, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Jean, Connie… Levi thought the string of people who wanted Hange’s attention would never end.

After hugs, came cake, and after cake was wine. He felt ignored, he felt utterly forgotten. He contemplated if he should go back to his room. He wanted Hange to kiss him again.

But instead he was sulking in the corner, munching on a cake Sasha had prepared. At least, the cake was good. But his frustration left a bitter taste in his mouth.

As his plate was emptied, Levi thought once again about leaving. But in that exact moment, seemingly out of nowhere, Hange appeared by his side.

“Planning to ditch the party early?” she wiggled her eyebrows, staring at him with unmasked mischief.

“It’s your birthday, not mine, four-eyes.”

“Exactly!” Hange threw an arm over his shoulders. “You’re my guest of honor!”

Ignoring the awakening of butterflies in his stomach and chalking them up to the effects of Sasha’s cake, Levi grunted, “Meaning?”

“Meaning I want you to stay!”

Levi rolled his eyes. He couldn’t really say no to Hange today, right? Although, he had troubles saying no to her any other day as well…

“And thank you for spending the whole evening with me,” Hange punctuated her gratitude with a kiss to his cheek. The butterflies were now flying freely, making Levi dizzy. It was hard to deny their origin anymore, with the trigger standing so close to him. “It was the best birthday I ever had.”

Well, that was all the gratitude Levi needed.

Before she left his side to receive more birthday wishes from their friends, Hange put her mouth above his ear, lowering her voice to a whisper, “Stay until the end, shorty. I’m not finished with you.”

She bounced off before he could give an answer. Perhaps, it was fairly obvious to her.

After all, how he could refuse Hange on the day of her birthday? How could he say no to receiving more of her attentions, and kisses?

With a satisfied hum, Levi settled against the wall, aiming his glare at all the guests. He couldn’t wait until all of them would leave. He couldn’t wait to have Hange all to himself.

[umiarumi]

fucking three houses | ignatz victor

in the wise words of cupcakke, slurp that dick til it cum (smack my ass like a drum)

You skidded backwards as Byleth landed the finishing blow to your side. Stumbling, you let out a defeated huff and dropped your training sword, stretching your arms.

"Jeez teach, even after five years comatose, you still best me in sword-fighting. And that's meant to be my thing!" You guffawed, heavily breathing in between words. You outstretched a gloved hand to your teacher, meeting his blank stare.

"It's mine too." He said, shaking your own hand. You deadpanned before bursting into laughter again.

"You'd be right on that one, teach!" You shook your head, continuing to grin at him, retracting your hand and letting it rest on your hip.

"Your reflexes have sharpened, and your footwork is impressive. You've trained well." He complimented, at which you felt your cheeks darken.

"Ah, thanks! Any constructive criticism?" You hummed, placing the sword back into the pile.

"Yes, you need to put more strength into your strikes." He explained, replacing his own.

You nodded gratefully, looking up to the sky. The sun started to set, a few spotty clouds resting above the two of you.

"I'm turning in for the day, (Y/N). I will be in my personal quarters if you need me." He bid you goodbye before strutting off like usual. As simple as the guy was, he had this odd charm.

"Guess I'll turn in too then... nothing wrong with a stroll around the monastery!" You cheered to yourself. You wiped your sweating face with the sleeve of your top before sauntering off.

~~~~

As you walked alongside the grassy plains of the monastery outskirts, you spotted a small green figure crouching in the distance. You could barely spot them among all the spurts of long grass decorating the land. You walked slowly as to avoid startling them, squinting to see what the hell it was they were doing. On further examination, you recognised that choppy, blonde head of hair.

Continuing to saunter to his destination, you soon picked out exactly what it was he was doing. Painting! You two had talked about your secret hobbies, your own being reading. You smiled at the thought, remembering how shocked each of you was to each other's hobby. You thought you had a pretty strong bond with Ignatz when you returned, so now seems a good time to have a chat!

You approached behind him quietly, taking time to, for once, keep your voice at a low volume.

"Uh, hi Ignatz!" You whisper yelled, flinching as the dirty blonde jumped in surprise. He turned around, breathing a sigh of relief after registering who it was.

"Oh! It's just you, (Y/N). You shocked me, haha!" He nervously greeted you, fidgeting with his paintbrush.

You grinned, waving at him. "Sorry man, I tried not to scare ya!" You chuckled bashfully, before sitting down next to him.

"So, whatcha painting and how are ya doing, Ignatz?" You asked, looking over to him curiously.

His gaze landed on your own, his earthy eyes seeming to be stuck to your own, a tension almost bubbling.

He shook his head, smiling softly at you.

"Ah, simply the view. It really is quite mesmerising in the evening, wouldn't you agree?" Enthusiasm built in his tone as he explained, his soft smile turning into a gleeful grin, matching your own.

You nodded, giving him a thumbs up. "I agree! I never really took time to take in the sights of the monastery, but now that I've matured... yeah, it really is a beautiful place, huh?" You hummed, looking off to the villages surrounding the base of the mountainous terrain.

He simply hummed to your question. "You're right (Y/N), you've really matured." He complimented, at least, that's what you hoped.

You gave a short laugh, scratching your neck. "Yeah, thanks! I used to be a rowdy one, but I think the past few years have smoothed some of the edges. Not all of 'em though!" You cheered, tilting your head appreciatively. You looked to him, catching his lingering gaze. His face heated up slightly, nodding to you.

"If you don't mind, I uh, have a request..." He mumbled, refusing to meet your eye. He pushed his glasses back, taking a quick peek at your face. If you blinked you would've missed it, he seemed so shy right now!

"Sure thing! If it isn't gold or assassination plans, I'm open!" You beamed, leaning in to hear what he had to ask.

He chuckled anxiously at your response. Even after knowing you for such a long time, having a girl so close to him was nerve-wracking.

"Nothing of the sort, don't worry. I was wondering, well, may I paint your likeness?" He muttered quietly, his heart stammering. His stomach drops after a few seconds of silence before daring to peek at the mystery of what your expression could be.

However, he was pleasantly surprised at what he saw. Your face was dark, lips pursed tight in a taught smile. You stuttered as you replied.

"Y-you wanna paint me! For real?! This is such an honour, seriously, thank you Ignatz!"

Ignatz gasped, anticipating anything but your reaction.

"Oh really, it's no worries!" He waved his hand dismissively, his own face reddening like a tomato.

The two of you continued to throw gratefulness at each other for what seemed like forever until you found yourselves at his dorm.

~~~~

"Well Ignatz, what kind of painting would you like to make?" You asked, sitting on a plush, velvet stool in his room. You looked around the place, noting the birthday flowers from Byleth, the spare easels and art supplies.

"Well, whatever you'd like truly, as long as I may paint you." He answered, humbly smiling and looking down at you.

You smirked, raising a brow. "How about a nude painting then?" You asked teasingly, crossing your legs.

He smiled at the idea. "Oh, what a good idea! I haven't had many references for the female anatomy and I've always been interested in..." The colour seemed to drain from his face as he realised just exactly what you suggested.

You stifled a chuckle, watching him stutter and rush to speak.

"O-oh! I didn't realise, no, I mean of course I would love to! Ah, that's too forward, no um... I don't want to pressure you, argh!" The colour which had left soon returned in the form of a crimson storm.

You laughed, shaking your head.

"Ignatz, really, it's no worries. I would genuinely not mind, I'm happy to as long as you are." You attempted to calm him down, smiling.

He took a deep breath, nodding.

"Then, yes. We're both adults now, there's no need to freak out." He seemed to try to convince himself rather than you.

"Exactly!" You smiled, standing up. "Alright, I'll undress now." You hummed, thinking.

You had already teased him by suggesting a nude painting, and stripping in front of the blushing boy... you could make this fun for yourself. And maybe even both of them. Claude may have just had a point.

You held his gaze as you unclasped your armour, placing it down on his desk, avoiding the parchment and sketches.

Next, you untied your cropped top, letting it fall to the floor leaving only your bodice on your upper half.

Undoing your bra, you broke his gaze for a moment only to look back immediately. His body seemed to stiffen, in more ways than one, once he caught sight of your breasts slightly bouncing as you stopped stretching.

You wiggled out of your puffed pants, sitting back down to pull them all the way off along with your boots and leggings.

"Nearly there!" You huffed, as you stood back up, shedding your underwear.

By then, Ignatz' face had erupted into a furious blush. His eyes lingered all too long on your exposed vagina, causing you to grin teasingly as he met your gaze.

"Now, shall we?" You asked, sitting upon the comforting stool once more.

He seemed to snap out of his daze at those words, tugging on his coat. Pulling out his desk chair, he set it in front of you. Pulling his easel across the room, the slight scratching of wood against wood was the sole sound of the tension-filled room.

Setting a canvas down, he seemed to take a few deep breaths before grabbing a pencil.

"How would you like me to pose?" You asked, smiling. This could be interesting.

"Oh, yes, uh, however you'd like to, really!" He stumbled upon his words, before finally holding your gaze.

"Got it." You responded. How could you tease him further? As you contemplated, you finally came across a decision. You leant one leg over another, giving him a subtle view of your exposed cunt.

You raised your arm, letting your gloved hand sit beneath your chin. Your upper arm pressed against your left breast, giving you slight cleavage, You gave him your signature cheeky grin, before raising a brow.

Speaking through your teeth, you asked him a question. "How's this?"

"J-j-just perfect!" He stuttered, shutting his eyes tight before reopening them and focusing.

"Now, hold that pose for me?" He asked, finally confident and contained. At least, on the outside.

You were content with holding your pose, as long as you could continue to tease him after he finished his sketch was your real goal. Whether or not anything transpired... well, you'd be lying if you said you didn't want anything to.

As you waited, you watched Ignatz' face morph into one of pure concentration, reminding you of how admirable he was. Despite his preference to stay on the quiet side of things, he was a talented man. Both on the battlefield and in the artistic field.

Minutes passed until Ignatz' face settled into a satisfied smile, signifying his completion of the sketch. You grinned wider at this, his face was adorable when he was proud!

"Thank you, (Y/N)." He thanked you. Refusing to look in your direction, he was reminded of the tightness in his pants.

"No, thank you, Ignatz! Actually... it had me wondering... may you do a favour for me?" Your voice dropped into a whisper, so his gaze fell upon your figure. Your eyelids drooped as a sultry smile fell upon your lips.

He gulped at this, yet nodding nonetheless. "Anything."

"Wonderful." You commented pleasantly. Standing up, you sauntered towards him. Aware of his gaze dropping to your softly bouncing tits as you took confident strides towards him.

Once right in front of him, looking down upon his still seated form you grinned.

"Let me... repay the favour you did for me?" You asked, tilting your head, curious.

He swallowed nervously once more, before nodding shyly. He fiddled with his hands, struggling to meet your gaze.

"How... how would you like to do so?" He mumbled, occasionally peeking up at your towering form.

"Well, if I put it bluntly... let me please you." You deadpanned, the loose smirk on your lip tugging back into place on your face, cheeks steadily growing rosier.

His face officially became a competitor for ripest tomato, and he nodded excitedly.

"Please... do." He muttered.

Your lazy smirk grew into a full-on grin. Quickly, you dropped to your knees.

He gasped at the inclination of your actions, his jaw staying dropped as you worked his pants downwards.

You slid his undergarments off, his cock bouncing free of its strained containment.

You licked a stripe up his cock, leaving a trail of saliva in your wake. He shuddered, a slight moan escaping his taught lips.

You gave a kiss to the bulbous, pink head of his dick before letting it slip in between your mouth.

His breath shuttered as you began to work a continuous up-and-down rhythm on his cock.

He gasped in time with each bob of your head, his hand slowly reaching its way to the back of your head. He looked down to check with you for permission, and you winked, giving your best inclination of consent.

And with that, he began to thrust into your mouth and push your head at the same time. God, he was insanely fast and rough, but you controlled your erratic throat muscles. It was pretty damn hot, especially for a guy so shy.

Your hand snaked down to your dripping pussy, the situation you orchestrated obviously having an effect on yourself. Not a negative one though, not at all.

You harshly began to rub your clit, not bothered with dragging it out. You were looking to climax, and by the sounds of Ignatz, he was too.

As you rubbed your sensitive bud, you moaned around his dick. The vibrations caused Ignatz to shudder, closing his eyes tightly.

"I'm gonna cum! Ah, (Y/N) you're making me cum!" He moans, groaning as you felt his cock still, and as the warm, bitter burst of cum in your mouth exploded, so did you. Your pussy clenched around emptiness, yet the throbbing in your clit as you orgasmed satisfied you all the same.

Your head slipped off his softening dick, a pleased smile settling on your face as you swallowed. As bitter as it was, you had nowhere else to hide the evidence.

"Thank you, Y/N)... that was... so good." He whispered, giving you a sweet smile. He leant down and kissed the top of your head and you chuckled.

"But I must ask, is that what you were learning whilst you were gone for so long?"

"Ignatz!?"

[kylosgenesis]

Teardrops on Fire

Synopsis:

Steve Rogers is the last Alpha of the an almost extinct Lycan pack. With only less than 100 members left. Steve must produce an heir to ensure the species survival and reduce the chance of attacks from others. Omegas are rare, and betas have a hard time producing children. Steves reality is finally setting in as his obligation of producing an heir faces a major set back.

Reader is the last suitable omega to mate with Steve, due to the fear of her daughters fate in the pack, her mother kept her hidden from the pack after her own exile. Only her mother, and Bucky's family know of her existence. Bucky is Steve's right hand man, and the packs best warrior! He and the reader developed a friendship and bond over the years, but age forced them to become distant.

What happens when she presents and her first heat cycle comes? Her body is in excruciating pain and a strong fever quickly overcomes her body. Facing the fear of her daughters possible death, her mom calls on the only person who can save her at this point, Alpha Steve! Bucky and the alphas friendship will be tested. The reader will be faced with her love for Bucky or her duty to the pack.

warnings: quick mentions of minor character deaths, A/B/O dynamics

Chapter 1: No longer children

The nights in the outskirts were loud, filled with crickets, and nature! The smell of the woods is all she'd ever known, her mom was exiled from the pack when she was pregnant with her, but only a select few knew of her existence. Those who did, protected her mom out of respect. She was kind and strong, she brought her daughter up on her own in a harsh, and desolate part of the woods. Still within pack territory, but at least an hour journey on car. Following the waterfall all the way to the bottom creek where the water came to a halt, and the cascade fell into a peaceful flow, That’s where she called home. There was only just an abandoned hunting cabin back then, but her mom rebuilt it with bloodshed, and tears. For a long time she managed on her own!

Winnifred Barnes was a kind woman, the only other person she'd ever known, Winnifred was a beta from the same village her mother came from. Every so often she would sneak out of the village, and travel down unto the creek with supplies, and fresh bread to deliver to them. She barely saw her, but her favorite memories involved her. She had a son, his name Was James, but he hated being called James. He went by Bucky.

~15 years ago~

“Here fishy fishy, I’m a friend” she'd had taken out a fish trap to the creek and spent the entirety of the morning watching fish just swim by her feet as they neatly avoided the trap she'd set up “ fishy, fishy please come “ she'd sighed in frustration! Whenever her mom came to the river, she made it look so effortless. She would just sing, and it was like animals wanted to be surrounded by her presence! It never took long for them to catch dinner and return home. “ Maybe it's because you're scaring the fish away with all the talking and paddling your making!” Bucky said with a smirk!

~flashback end~

Looking back, that was her first memory of Bucky. He was older than her. Maybe 12 at the time. He didn't let that stop him from being her friend. He taught her to fish that day! She went home with three small trouts and some catfish. she was stoked to show her mom the progress she'd made! She knew her mother often worried about her. She was alone, but Bucky brought a spark of life and joy into her life, she couldn't quite comprehend.

Years went by like that! She saw Bucky almost every week! He taught her everything she knew now!

They hunted together! Fished! Started fires!

They could spend hours around the woods within their own imaginations. She'd pretend that the king of the forest had kidnapped her, and hide! Bucky would use his tracking skills to find her! He was always the knight in shining armor, and they'd be gone for hours within our own world. As she grew older, she knew his interests would one day shift!

They stopped playing like kids, his body began to change, and her body did too. She no longer imagined the trees were magical , and she was a princess! Bucky no longer was the knight to the rescue! The world started to become more real, and her childlike imagination faded! Along with her favorite memories of Bucky.

It was the day of her tenth birthday! Winnifred showed up with a delicious tart, she was so exited when she heard her voice from across the cabin, her little heart nearly burst with excitement as she raced to meet her. Her happiness faced as she noticed Bucky was not with her! He hadn't come!

He had presented an alpha! He had officially grown up and had a different mindset now, he'd have duties and would soon start his own life. His days without responsibilities were over, He had a new life and had to to help take care of a pack now!

She had cried all day that day, her mom could tell she was inconsolable! Once again she was alone! Her only friend was gone, and it was just the two of them once again! She knew Bucky wasn't dead, but as the years went on without him it was like she was dead to him!

They saw Winnifred one a month at least, sometimes Rebecca, Bucky’s younger sister was with her. As Rebecca grew she too presented! She was a beautiful beta, it didn't take long for her to find a role and love within the pack.

Two years after Bucky stopped visiting had passed, and she was once again alone! She didn't know much about the people from the village, but Rebecca painted beautiful stories with her words about her friends and the guy she wanted to be mated to.

She used to fall asleep to her stories, and would imagine what they were all like! How Bucky was doing? what if she was there? What did being in love feel like?

Secluded from the world she loved books! They were her escape into any world she could wanna be in. As she grew older hunting became less fun, and more of a necessity! Her mother was growing older and weaker, she could see the strain that household tasks did to her body. She no longer sang when she cooked, the piano she used to play sat in the corner untouched, only collecting small specks of dust. Her life, just seemed monotone to her. Wake up, live, repeat! it was like she gave up living, while still being very alive! Losing a mate would often take a physical toll on the body, as well as an emotional one. She had noticed that when her mom lost her Pa, she lost half of herself along with him! She tried to be strong, but without a bond your body starts to become frail! Winnifred said her mother used to light the whole pack with her smile and kindness! She was so beautiful there wasn't a day she didn't have fresh flowers from prospects at her door, and that was long before she presented a as a beta.

She began to take responsibility for housework, gardening, and making sure there was protein on the table. In our household nothing went to waste! We used furs for shoes and clothing, Winnifred had been kind enough to donate us her old sewing machine once she was able to afford a new one.

Coming home from the lake after a long day of fishing, she tucked her old leather boots near the door. They were a couple of seasons old and needed to be reinforced with a new leather, but they were the best she could do with the nearly approaching winter season. Tossing the bucket full of freshly caught trout on the kitchen sink. She took the scales and bones out before neatly placing the fish on the freezer. It wasn't much, but it was enough to last through the harshest part of winter season. They still had a few months to prepare, but she didn't want to be caught off guard. Hunting big game was next on the list, they'd have enough to get them safely though.

After dinner they sat down near the fire! Her mom reminisced about her friends when she was young, and her father. Specially how much she loved him! You knew he was a good man, but it was no secret he had a temper, and a hard time taking orders. It was because of him you guys were banished! Her mom never wanted to talk about what happened, or how he died! She knew it must've been something bad. Despite everything they were lucky to be allowed within pack territory. Being outside a marked territory was very dangerous, and not many could survive the cruel nomad packs that would kill, steal, and rape any wondering females outside of a protected territory.

That night as she laid in her small bed. She looked to my side to see a hoodie. It was so small now! It used to belong to Bucky. She vividly remembered him giving it to her! One day, it got too dark, too soon! The walk back to the small cabin became straining to her small body. Bucky offered his hoodie to provide an extra layer of warmth. It still smelled like him! He smelled of pine and firewood with hints of fresh morning rain, his scent was comforting! Still to this day she couldn't let go of the thought of him.

Little did she know that would be the last time she saw Bucky!

That flashback brought her comfort, and soon sleep overcame her. Waking up the next morning felt as if she'd hunted an entire season, and hadn’t rested a second. Her hips were screamed for her to stay in bed longer, head spinning, and fluttering stomach, she pushed it all aside! She rose up to get herself some water, the thought of a nice warm tea with some fruits and maybe some nuts already alleviated her body, and caused her to salivate at the thought of relief.

As she walked into the kitchen to see her mothers usually tender eyes, She saw the opposite! Her mothers tender smile and eyes had fallen! Her eyes became filled with tears as she dropped her mug. Ignoring her aching body, she ran to comfort her in a hug! She hadn't seen her mother cry often, but at this very moment she sobbed, and looked at her in disbelief! It wasn’t tears of pride, it was pain that filled her words. She knew it was coming! They had hoped when the day came, she'd present as a beta, just like her mother! Her mother was apologizing with her soft sobs and tears. She had brought an omega into the world, the implications of being an omega without status or protection meant that a bad heat could kill her! Or a wandering cruel alpha could hurt her and claim her if I wasn’t careful.

This changed everything! She was an omega!

Bucky Barnes POV:

Bucky stepped out of his pickup truck. His hair was getting too long to handle, but he hadn’t had the time to get it cut. He had been away from the pack for what felt too long. He missed his mother’s cooking and the mead that Natasha's pub brewed fresh every morning. He couldn’t wait to shower, and become one with his bed.

Steve had entrusted him with a supply run for winter. Blankets, medicine, extra food and anything that could be used to fix an electric grid in case the power went out like the last few times. The village was nowhere near desolate or old, but the decline in births and the battles against other packs had left their village vulnerable.

Steve was his best friend! he had inherited the title of the pack leader from his father. He was caring, and would do anything in his power to keep his pack safe and prevailing! Bucky was only a year older than Steve! Growing up with him was the best childhood he could ever imagine. Steve’s father wasn’t as kind as forgiving as Steve was! Steve would often fall victim to his fathers outburst. His father needed a strong healthy Alpha heir, and Steve was small and often sickly.

His dad often reminded him he would never be a leader, and he probably wouldn’t make it past his fist designation season. When his father died ten years ago, little did he know that in only one summer that boy would tower over the pack at 6’5 and had the strongest and most intimidating glare a leader could have! What made him a leader was he had the heart, he was still that scrawny little kid on the inside, but with a giant heart.

Steve had fallen into his role as an alpha so naturally. He made sure everyone was taken care of! He took care of the widows! He made sure that the sacrifices their husbands made to protect the pack wouldn’t be in vain! He’d deliver wood and food from those supply runs Bucky would often make before every winter season. Steve and him were also 2 of the 4 teachers in the village. Wanda and Sam would take turns with the students as they tended to their own families as well. But Bucky knew that Steve was in a hard position, omegas were becoming rarer and rarer. The few omegas in the pack were already mated long before Steve presented. And the few unmated betas had difficulty getting pregnant. Less than 20 kids had been worn in the last 15 years, and that worried Steve! Their pack was declining in numbers and was soon gonna become vulnerable to invasion.

Bucky was grateful that his role as Steve’s right hand man was less straining than Steve’s. He was more of a warrior than a leader. He patrolled, and defended the pack from intrusions. He was the best hunter the pack had. Steve teased him about never crossing his way when he was on a mood, but he just loved the woods. He liked the calm! It reminded him of a simpler time, a time with her! He often wondered, how she was doing?

After he presented he had to leave behind all those childhood memories, it often hurt him to think of her. She was special, and kind. She must’ve been so hurt when he stopped coming over. When his mom first made him come with her to the outskirts to visit a friend, he had been so angry at his mom for not letting him stay over at Steve’s.

Seeing her near that creek trying to lure fish in by talking to them, he knew he’d never be the same! He assumed the role of a mentor in her life. He's spent years teaching her how to hunt and fish, and the best ways to start a fire, they even competed on who could hunt the biggest game. She was a little less than half his age, but she had a fire to her. They were equal in the woods and you couldn’t tell her otherwise.

Then one night they hunted for too long! Night came, the sky opened up to rain, the temperatures dropped; he could tell she was starting to grow tired. The hair around her face became wet, and her lips were quivering. She smelled different than she usually did, It was delicious and intriguing to him! She smelled of coconut and honey, but with small delicious hints of lavender.

He couldn’t pinpoint why he was able to smell her that night, but after driving home he was met with waves of pain and rage. Like he needed to run away, and stay locked in at the same time! That night he presented as an alpha! He realized the world smelled different now and everyone had a distinct smell. But nothing or no one has yet to ever smell as good as she did that night. He was scared of himself; he was an adult alpha now.

Looking back on the memories of her, he thought she’d probably be a lot older now. She probably wouldn’t even remember him. He was not a 16 year old boy anymore he had the battle scars and beard to prove it.

After delivering the supplies around the village and finishing his patrol, he drove home! His house wasn’t fancy or big, it was enough for him to just lay down, and occasionally read or watch some tv.As he pulled up into his muddy driveway, he saw his mom's car, it wasn’t weird for him that his mom was in his house. She often came around to do some cleaning, and drop off some warm food for him when she knew he’d be back from a long day.

When he entered his home there were two scents, his moms, and a scent he hadn’t smelled in ten years. It was her mom, but what was she doing here in his house with a look of pain on her face? Winnifred motioned him to sit down! Her mother looked older, she’d grown weaker since he last saw her. She also smelled different, but it wasn’t her smell! He could scent her, her smell was mixed with her mother’s, but still ever so lovely and potent. There was something scaring him about your smell though.

As to confirm his suspicions his mom met his confused gaze, and confirmed what he already suspected from that hint of her lingering smell. Bucky could barely breath, he felt like he'd received a punch to his gut.

She’d presented!

She was an omega!

He had to let Steve know! It was his duty to let Steve know of this omega, she could save the pack. She was the first unmated and fertile omega in the pack in the last 25 years. To keep her hidden would be a crime against the pack. Steve needed her, he deserved to have this happiness.

Then why did it hurt Bucky so much to give up this Omega?

Taglist: @austynparksandpizza

[peachyaone]

angels like you.

pairings: rengoku kyojuro x gn! hashira! reader

warnings: angst and fluff.

A/N: This fic is inspired by "Angels Like You" by Miley Cyrus

plot: in your eyes, he was like an angel. but would an angel ever want someone like you?

You were known as one of the most ruthless hashira's among the others. You killed with no hesitation. People called you a lunatic, heartless or scary when they see you, you always had a prominent frown on your face. And you had no mercy.

But somehow you ended up with Rengoku, the total opposite of what you are.

The two of you met on a mission, you were supposed to eliminate the demon that was terrorizing a village nearby. But an unsuspected Lower Moon attacked when you finished killing the demon.

*flashback*

"Damn it." you thought as you felt a presence behind you, whatever it was, it was reeking with demonic energy. "What do you want with me?" You asked the demon. You turned to look. You saw markings on its eyes. "Lower Moon Three." it read. "Why are you here?" You asked again, your hand on the hilt of your sword. "Lord Muzan wants to speak with you." It said. "Why would the Demon Lord request to speak with a person like me?" Your grip on your sword tightened. You sensed another presence nearby. "They just want to have a conversation with you, no need to get so defensive." The demon teased. "You sent a demon to terrorize a village to get my attention, am I right?" You said.

"Yes, I did. Now, come on. Lord Muzan's patience is wavering by the second." You unsheathed your sword and the tip grazed the demon's neck. "Not another step." you threaten. Your eyes glared daggers into the demon's own. You swore you saw it shiver. "Come on, human. Don't be reckless." It said. "Back down, L/N-san." A bright voice said. Your eyes move to see the tall, golden-haired man approaching you and the demon. "I thought you were on a mission, Rengoku-san," you said. "I was! I finished early and I was on my way back, but my Kasugai crow informed me about the situation you were in, so I stopped by as assistance!"" He said, cheerfully. You turned back to the demon. "Now tell me, why did Muzan want to see me?" You asked, digging your blade harder into its skin. It stayed quiet. "Tell. Me," you said. "L/N-san." You heard Rengoku say. You glared at him, but he seems to be unfazed by your death glare at him. "It's better if you told them. They could get pretty scary when they're mad," He told the demon.

The demon attacked Rengoku, to which he blocked. You moved to attack it. "Breath of Light, Second Form: Shine." You whispered. A bright light shone from your sword as you strike the demon. The demon yelped in pain as your attack burned it. Rengoku pinned it to the ground. "I could burn you. Just like the sun." You said. The demon's eyes widened. "Now tell me." You said. ' H-he wants you to j-join him!" The demon said. "Why?" You asked. The demon didn't know. You sighed and beheaded the demon. You cleaned your sword as you watched its body disintegrated into the air.

You heard shuffling behind you. "L/N-san?" Rengoku asked. You looked at him. "Wanna grab some food before heading back?" He offered. You nodded.

Your relationship bloomed from there.

*Flashback end*

It has been two years since then. You were taking a walk with Shinobu and Mitsuri, waiting for Rengoku to return from his mission. "Hey, L/N. How did someone like you end up with someone like Rengoku?" Mitsuri asked. You looked at her, you knew she was just curious, sometimes she gets too curious for her own good. But her question seems the affect you, so you shrugged. "I have no idea why, Mitsuri-san." You said, eyes looking at the ground. Shinobu patted your shoulder in silent support. She knew how you felt.

You couldn't control your emotions sometimes, that's why you kept up with the facade of not caring, all because you cared too much. You used to be a bright and bubbly person, well until the death of your younger siblings and your father. You were weak, as your father tried his best to protect you and your siblings. But it didn't last long. The demon slayer found you later, covered with your family's blood. You could still hear their screams echoing in your head.

You'd swore to your family that you will kill every single demon that crosses your path, and have your revenge. So you stopped caring, you would try your best not to get too attached. You never attend any events the others would make. You spent all that time training and/or doing missions. That lasted until Rengoku came into your life.

He would slowly coax you out of your shell, you started to attend the birthday parties instead of wishing them with your crow, started to hang out with the others, training with them. You slowly start to open yourself up to them. There are some days where you would go back to your shell, Rengoku was always there to make you feel better. He was your angel.

Why would he do such things for me?

What does he see in a monster like me?

Why does he love me?

Your intrusive thoughts clouded your mind as you kicked some stones on the pathway. You couldn't hear your friends calling you. "L/N-san!" Mitsuri called. You snapped out of your thoughts, looking at her questioningly. She gestured to your estate, which was a few meters away from where you were standing.

There he was, the flame hashira was standing at the entrance of your home. "Rengoku-san!" Shinobu called out. You saw him turn around. He saw you, a bright smile appeared on his face. "Y/N!" He said, rushing over. He stood in front of you. You gave him a small smile, he smiled widened. "Hey, do you mind if I steal them?" He asked. Shinobu and Mitsuri shook their heads, saying their goodbyes before leaving.

"Hey, honey." He greeted you. "Hi." You said. "I missed you!" He said, hugging you softly. You hummed in agreement. "How was the mission?" You asked him, your voice quiet but still hearable. "It went great! We managed to save many people." You nodded. As he talked, you could feel your headspace fading. The thoughts started to come.

He's only with you because he pities you.

You don't deserve to be with him, not after everything thing you've done!

"No! Stop!" You screamed in your head. You held your head in your hands, your eyes squeezed shut. "Hun'?" Rengoku said to you. Bitter tears welled in your eyes as your fingers gripped on your sleeves tightly. You internally hoped that your thoughts could just disappear, you hated them all. You wanted them all gone. You whimpered.

Rengoku’s hand takes yours and your eyes widen as he tugs you into his arms. He held you as his thumbs wiped away your tears. You felt pathetic and weak as you keep a tight hold on his haori. You felt him planting small kisses on your hair and forehead. "Let's get you inside, yeah?" He whispered. You nodded. He lifted you up and carried you into your home.

He sets you down on the futon. Sitting beside you, he pulled you into his lap, cradling your head against his chest as he stroked your hair. "What's going on, darling? What made you so upset?" He asked softly. “I’m a monster, 'Kyo,” you whispered. “I am a heartless, cruel, ruthless monster– why are you with me?!”

“Y/N…”

“I know you don’t agree with me, I mean you are my partner, but fuck, ‘Kyo, you are such an angel! You are the nicest person, you are passionate, kind, beautiful and so damn perfect-” Tears fall down your face and you don’t bother wiping them away as you stare at him. "Why would an angel like you fly down here with me?" you asked. He felt so helpless, you, the love of his life, think so badly about themself? He will never let that happen.

"You are not a monster, Y/N," he said. You looked at him, eyes puffy. "I'm everything they said I am." You said. He kissed you, cutting off your self-deprecating words. "You are not what they say you are." He said. "You are not cruel, heartless, or anything like that! You are an angel too, if they don't think you are, then I'll fight them!" He wiped away your tears. "You've been through so much and they have no right to call you those awful things okay?"

"But Kyojuro-" "No. No backtalk. You are an amazing person, they just don't know you yet." He said with a bright smile. You felt yourself smiling a little. He looked at you in awe, every time you smiled, he would feel so happy that he wants to make you smile every day. "You're so cute, you know that?" He said. You blushed slightly. "Don't mind their words, you're better than that." He said, kissing your head.

"Thank you, Kyojuro." You whispered. "Anytime, Y/N." He whispered back. He held you until you felt better as he reassured you, giving you kisses and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. "Love you 'Kyo." You mumbled, your eyes feeling irritated from crying. You felt light kisses on your eyelids. "Love you too, Y/N!" He said cheerily. You kissed his cheek as you laid your head back on his chest, dozing off.

[hoaxsen]

| a/n: first time doing a fic on tumblr, heh. enjoy. :)

| word count: 1,519

| pairing: Ryomen Sukuna x reader

| tw: character death, and blood.

Curse. 

Demon. 

Abomination. 

King of Destruction. 

The Ruler of All Curses. 

He's heard it all, and has taken it in with great pride. A wicked grin on his face as he wrecked any kind of havoc he could. Most of it out of pure boredom. 

But that was centuries ago. 

Now he resides in his domain, in the mind of a young boy he's taking as a vessel. Since who else in their right mind would casually eat one of his fingers? This was certainly the best he could get, along with that. This boy, Yuuji Itadori, was probably the most compatible person he's come across. 

The rest died. 

Sitting on a throne of skull and bones, Ryomen Sukuna was lost in thought now. Taking trips back down memory lane that dates back to over five hundred years ago. Probably landing him at the age of five hundred years old, or maybe four hundred and ninety-nine years. Who knows? He doesn't care for the age, just the person that occupied his time back then. Before his fingers were scattered off to the winds, labeled as special grade curses. The most dangerous things deemed on the face of the planet. 

" Sukuna! " 

It was like he could almost hear their voice again. Playing aloud in the back of his mind, as almost if they were still with him. Vividly and clear, as if you were right behind him. 

" You did this to me! You are what they say! " 

Brows furrowing as one memory in particular started to play like a movie in his mind. His fist clenching at the thought, the leg that was crossed over the other started swaying back and forth. Black claw like fingernails rapping and tapping against his leg. He wanted to forget, but he also wanted to remember. The look of fear on your face that day, burned permanently into his mind.

It couldn't seem to ever leave him. 

_______________________

" My dear, are you going to wake up at all today? It's nearly noon! " 

A top and bottom ruby red eye opened to take in the appearance of the one disturbing his slumber. A slow sleepy like grin adorned his face once he saw, an arm reaching out to drag them down to join him in the plush sheets. Their resistance was futile, as all it took was one gentle tug in his own strength to bring them down. Four arms reaching out to cage them close to his chest. A hand in their hair, two around their waist, as the last one rested on the small of their back. The demon hummed contently, curling around his adoring lover. Their small squeaks of protest to get up was falling on deaf ears, a chuckle rumbling from the deepest pits of his chest. 

" What's the rush? Let me enjoy this. Leaving that wretched village behind, nothing is stopping me. " 

This was wrong, he was so vulnerable at this point. 

As their head popped up, with a pouting glare to meet his smirking features. Crimson red eyes clashing with e/c orbs, they had to be his favorite shade of the color. 

" Stop staring like that. It's weird. " 

" I might be a curse, but I know when to stop and appreciate things. " 

Though it seemed like he didn't stop enough to appreciate anything. His pride started to overtake his being, wanting to cause more destruction and chaos that the world has ever seen. Of course it didn't sit right with you, it never did. Never when he came back, sometimes covered head to toe in blood. Dragging in behind a new souvenir, the chaotic outbursts that came along with everything else. Tied off into some gorgeous, yet twisted bow, and handed to you like a birthday gift. 

" I can't keep doing this. " 

Stopping Sukuna dead in his tracks, a brow being arched to show his confused state. 

" Can't keep doing what? " 

" Being in love with a demon. " 

One, ouch. Two, what? Why speak up now of all times? You knew what he did, yet stayed silent with him the entire time. Like what the cursed man did was of any hindrance in this. It must be an off day, or clearly he misheard. 

Oh how he wished it was that. 

" Look at this! Look at you, yes you're a demon sent straight from the depths of hell. Yes, you do whatever it is you want. " 

Where was this going? 

" But I can't sit here and be apart of this! I was already shunned by my people for just saying ' I love you ', I've tried to ignore what you've been doing for so long. But I can't, Sukuna. I can't! You parade the innocent towns for nothing, not a drop of revenge, or anything against them. Just wake up one day and choose this sicking, maddening violence! " 

" Where is this goi--? " 

" I'm leaving. " 

It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, all four eyes he adorned started to narrow and glare harshly at your figure. As if he was searching for a hidden message behind this. 

" Say that again. " 

" I said. I'm leaving you. " 

Like hell you were that day. This might just be a phase, something you'd get over in the meantime. What the humans would call these days, ' a misunderstanding between couples. ' 

" No. " 

" What? What do you mean no? You can't make a decision like tha--! " 

" No. You're not leaving me, you are to remain here. " 

His voice was increasing, he could remember the small hunted traces of fear in your eyes as he took his steps forward. Causing you to take a few steps back, which he had no care for. 

He remembers the screaming, yelling, breaking of a few small and meaningless objects. 

Though what he vividly remembers was, once being close enough, one of his arms shot out and a hand grabbing your face. Black nails gently leaving indents prickling into your s/c skin, his harsh words that soon brought tears to the colorful eyes he used to love so. 

Out of his fit of rage and this argument going on for how long it did, Sukuna's grip did tighten. Ignoring the protests of him hurting you escaping from your lips. Something just snapped inside of Sukuna, from angered yelling and screaming, to now just seeing red. Red was somewhat of a favorite color to him, how the blood drips from a corpse. Or how it pools from under one, didn't even matter who it came from. 

For this time, of course it did. That same red from the trigger for him to kill, murder, destroy all before him. Sadly, it was you. 

Nails digging into your cheeks, your hands on his wrist trying to pry him away was not enough. Weak against him, nothing against him, futile against him. It was enough to show the signs of prey struggling to stay alive once they know that they've been cornered by their predators. As his nails dug into your skin, blood started dripping along with the mix of tears from pure fear running down the nail. Coating it this coat of red with a shining clear. 

That was taken as another sign, go in for the kill. As all signs were evident and shown, Ryomen Sukuna did. The sickening crack of a neck being broken filled the air, followed by a dead silence as he came back to his senses. The curse pulled away, as if his hand was being burned. Your body hitting the floor with a thud, the culprit standing and staring right over it. No emotion on his face, no looks of being teary eyed or angered. 

This would be the first time Ryomen Sukuna felt numb and powerless. A first in  where he didn't know what to do, a first for everything there was. 

Nudging your body with his foot, Sukuna was not ready to accept the fact that he's done this. Quick to deny it and shut it down. 

Denying how the spark left your shining eyes.

Denying how the red blood that dripped from the small cuts in your skin was of his doing. 

Denying that you were dead.

He's never disliked the color red so much before now. It took years for him to finally stop lying to himself and accept the faults. 

He killed his love, and he knows it oh so well now. 

_____________________________

Resting in his domain, still have not shed a single tear. Not even on that day, nor the next day after that, or the next day after that. Sukuna roamed around with the knowledge of him doing such a deed. 

What would it have mattered right? Your lifespan would not have lifted up to his, still. 

He had no right to take it. 

" Are you happy with yourself? King of Curses? " 

It was like he could still hear you. Taunting him, throwing him off balance. The one life he wishes that he didn't take.  Though, you can never change the past. 

With all the cursed magic running through him. 

Ryomen Sukuna sometimes wishes he could. 

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)