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samaraannhan20 · 2 years

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Pete Davidson Imagine: the 20th Anniversary

A/N: I started writing this in September of 2022, but knew that I wanted it to be a longer work so I pushed it off, but I finally finished it and I am so proud of how it turned out. Enjoy!

Warnings: Set in non-covid 2021, fem!reader As soon as that alarm started going off you shut it off. Careful not to wake Pete up, you slowly got out of bed and headed into your kitchen. Last night, after Pete had gone to the bedroom, you had laid out all of the pans that you thought you would need the next morning, so as to not wake Pete up before breakfast was ready. As you started pulling things out of the fridge to start breakfast, you thought back to a year ago, and then 20 years ago. You knew today would be bad for him. It was the 20th anniversary of 9/11, which meant it was also the 20th anniversary of his father’s death. A year ago the anniversary had come around just 3 months after the two of you had started dating, and on the day of, Pete had texted you in the morning simply stating that he was going to be busy all day, and said nothing else to you all day. You knew, because you and him had previously had many conversations about your families and your past, so, instead of bothering him that day, you let him have his day of mourning, and waited for him to text you, whenever he was ready. Now, a year later, just three months over your one-year anniversary, the two of you shared an apartment in Staten Island, one of the nicest ones, near to his mother. Earlier that week, you had called Colson, because he had been through the anniversary with him before. “Just be there for him. Don’t make him leave the house all day, except for his annual dinner with his mom and sister. Just, just be you,” he had said, before saying goodbye and hanging up. That was when you had started planning the day in your head. Being there for the man you loved, was absolutely something you could do. Over the next thirty minutes you make pancakes, bacon, and eggs. You also brew coffee, and make one cup the way you like it, and make one cup the way Pete likes. Very carefully you top Pete’s stack of pancakes with strawberries, chocolate chips, and whipped cream, making the toppings look like a smiley face. Then you carefully put his plate and yours on the tray, the two cups of coffee, and two cups of juice. You slowly walk down the hallway to your bedroom, and extra carefully open the door to your bedroom. When you walk in you are surprised to see Pete awake and on the phone with someone. “Yeah, Mom, we’ll be there at 7:30. Look, Y/N just came in,” he says, pointing the phone at you. “Hi Amy,” you say, as you keep walking towards the bed with the tray. You hear her say good morning in response, before Pete turns his phone back to himself. “Hey, sit up,” you say as you reach his side of the bed with the tray. He carefully sits up, being careful not to bump you. As you set the tray down, you take the phone from him as he holds it out to you, obviously wanting to be done with his conversation with his mother. “Hey Amy, it's me again. I actually just brought Pete breakfast, so we’re gonna let you go. We’ll be at the house by 7:15 tonight, I’ll make sure of it,” you say, shooting a look towards Pete. “Love you, see you later,” you finish, waving goodbye, and then hitting the end call button. “Okay, we’ve got a breakfast for champions. Eggs, just the way we both like them-” “Scrambled with cheese?” he interrupts you, already picking up his fork to dig in. “Yes,” you say with a chuckle, “and bacon, and pancakes with the works. Plus, coffee, just the way you like it. And one for me, the way I like it. Honestly it’s kinda a miracle I carried this all the way in here without tripping,” you say as you gently join him on the bed. The two of you sit in silence as you eat your breakfast, neither of you wanting to talk about the elephant in the room. After the two of you finish eating, Pete stands up to take everything back to the kitchen. “Want me to come with you?” you ask, not wanting him to have to take care of anything today. “No, I’ve got it,” he says, before walking out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. You sit there for a minute, thinking through your next step for the day. You bought all of the stuff yesterday to make a soothing bath in your bathroom, but you hadn’t decided if you wanted to do that next or watch his favorite movie next. You could hear him kind of grumbling under his breath in the kitchen, so you decided to run the bath. You slid out of bed and stepped towards the bathroom, immediately turning the water on to the highest heat setting. Then you turn around and open the cabinet and get out the bath salts and bubble bath you had gotten the day before. As you dump them in, you can hear Pete walking towards the bedroom. “Baby? Where are you?” he asks as he comes into the room and sees you aren’t in the bed anymore. “I’m in here,” you say from the bathroom, and start to close everything up and check the water temperature. “Hi. What are you doing?” he asks, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around you. “I ran you a bath, thought maybe it would make you feel a bit better,” you tell him, turning around in his arms. He looks at you in disbelief, before leaning down and softly kissing you. “I love you so much, you know that?” he says when he pulls away. “Yeah, I do. And I know today is going to be hard, so I want to help you through in any way that I can.” He smiles and pulls you close to him again. “Also, I love you.” After you say that he chuckles into your hair for a second, and then pulls away. “Are you going to join me?” he asks, toying with the bottom of your shirt. “I mean, if you want me to. But it’s your day of mourning, so I get to sit in the back. And no funny business. This bath is strictly for relaxing.” you say, chuckling. “Whatever I need to agree to to get you in that water with me,” he says as he bends down to kiss you one more time, before starting to take his clothes off. You slip your pajamas off and slide into the water, and as soon as you’re in he slides in as well. The two of you sit there with your arms around his arms as he lays back into your chest. You gently slide your hands up and down his arms. Taking a bath together is not something rare between the two of you, but something about what the day means and is to him makes it feel even more intimate. The two of you sit in the bath together until the water starts to run cold and your hands and feet are pruny, then you get out and dry off with the towels that you had purposefully left on the counter, choosing to use the guest towels today because they rarely get used and are therefore still super fluffy. After you dry off, you wrap your towel around you and walk towards the dresser in the bedroom. You grab a pair of pants and a tank top, and the both of you underwear, and while you’re in the dresser grab Pete a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt. You toss them to him as he walks into the room, and the two of you get dressed silently. After Pete puts his clothes on, he flops on the bed, laying with one hand behind his head and the other on his stomach. When you finish getting dressed you crawl onto the bed, and curl up right next to him. He brings the hand that was behind his head to around your shoulders, and grabs the arm that you had thrown over his stomach with his hand, his thumb lovingly rubbing circles on your arm. “How are you feeling?” you ask after a few minutes in silence. “I’d be feeling a lot worse if I didn’t have you. Thank you for being here, and not letting me push you away today,” he says, leaning down and kissing the top of your head. “I would never be anywhere else,” you say, lifting your head to look at him. “I think it's almost one, do you want some lunch?” “Um, no. I don’t think so. I know my mom, and I know Casey, and tonight's dinner is going to be huge. They always cook all of his favorites. And then we alternate which of his favorite movies that we watch each year.” “That sounds fun,” you say in response, not sure if it’s supposed to be fun or not. “Yeah. We always have a good time. It’s a good way to remember him. And the evenings are never the hard part of this day. It’s when I first wake up, because at first I’m not thinking about what day it is, but then I’ll look at my phone and see September 11th on the screen, and then I remember,” he pauses to clear his throat, and you reach the hand that he isn’t holding up and softly scratch his head, because you know that it brings him comfort, “um, remember that I’ve gone x-amount of years without him now. It’s not until I’m back with my mom and Casey for our dinner that I feel okay. However, with you here, it’s completely different. I didn’t want to expose you to how empty I was last year. I mean we had basically just gotten together, and I didn’t want to screw anything up. That’s why I pushed you away last year,” he explains, and you stretch your neck to look up at him, noticing the tears that have begun to make their way down his cheeks. “Pete, I’ve known since the moment I met you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Nothing your illnesses make you do, and nothing that an anniversary of something makes you feel is going to scare me away. I’ll always be right beside you. You don’t have to worry about me getting up and walking out. I’ll always be right here,” you say as you stare directly into his eyes, wanting to make sure that he knows that you mean every word, with tears streaming from your own eyes as well. “I love you, I have pretty much since our first date, and I don’t imagine that stopping any time soon.” For a moment he just stares at you in silence, tears still falling from both of your eyes. But then he leans his head down, and crashes his lips into yours. It’s not a gentle kiss. It’s messy, teeth and noses clashing, but it’s full of passion that words cannot explain. It’s intimate, and loving, and the two of you have never shared a moment like this before, not the entire time you had been together. It’s full of sadness, but love, so much love. When he finally pulls away, in order to catch his breath, the two of you are panting, and completely tangled together. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone more than I love you,” he says after he catches his breath. “And I don’t think I ever will. And I don’t want to either. You are the best person I could have asked to have been given to share my life with.” “And you are the best person I could have been given,” you say in response, before laying your head on his chest, neither of you wanting to move and detangle from each other. Before you know it you both fall asleep like that. You wake up suddenly to someone’s phone ringing on the bedside table. You groan and reach over Pete and grab the phone that was ringing, and answer it without looking. “Hello?” you whisper into the phone, not sure if Pete was woken by the phone or not. “Y/N?” Amy’s voice comes through the phone. When you realize it was her you gently scramble out of bed after whispering “one second”, and walk out of the room. You shut the door behind you, and walk into the living room, and sit on the couch before exhaling and bringing the phone back to your ear, giving Amy the okay to continue. “Sorry, did I interrupt something?” she asks as soon as she’s been given the okay. “Oh, uh, no. We had fallen back asleep, and I didn’t want to wake Pete up,” you respond, laughing a little. “You know how he is, he can sleep through a lot, but typically tends to wake up if he hears someone talking.” “Ha, yes that is very true. Well, I was just calling to ask him if you guys could stop at the bakery on your way over, and pick up the cake that I ordered. I always try to remember to order Scott’s favorite cake from there, but this year I almost forgot, so I ordered it last night for pick up today. However, with all of the food cooking I can’t leave the house to go pick it up, and Casey stayed here last night, so she’s helping me cook so she ca-” “Amy,” you say, cutting her off before she gets too far into her tangent, “we can pick it up. No worries. We’ll just have to leave a bit earlier, no big,” you say, turning to look at the clock seeing that it’s already three, meaning that you need to hop in the shower sooner rather than later. “Oh, thank you so much Y/N!” Amy says, and you just shake your head. “It’s really no big deal Amy. I need to go start waking Pete up and get into the shower though, so I’m going to let you go. See you tonight,” you say and she says goodbye and then hangs up the phone. You pull Pete’s phone away from your face, grinning when you see the picture he has of the two of you on his lock screen. Slowly you stand up and make your way back to the bedroom. As you walk in, Pete starts to stir in the bed, and you sit down on the edge next to him, putting his phone back down on your bedside table, and gently rubbing your hand over his chest. “Hey baby. You need to get up. We napped for like three hours,” you say with a light chuckle, and he grabs you and pulls you down to him. You laugh, and try to pull away with no success. “Pete, let me go,” you say laughing, still trying to pull away. “I need to shower before we have to leave. And now we have to leave by 6:45 so that we can stop at the bakery and pick up the cake. Your mom won’t have time.” “Ugh, fine. Go shower. I’ll shower after you,” he says, finally releasing you from his grasp. You laugh and lean down, placing a kiss on his lips, pulling away just as he tries to grasp at you again, and laughing as you run into the bathroom. You take a rather quick shower, not bothering to shut the bathroom door, meaning that you can hear Pete in the other room. “I’m fine Colson,” he says, presumably into his phone. “I honestly feel amazing today. Y/N’s been doing an amazing job of not bugging me about it, and not forcing me to do anything. She made me breakfast in bed this morning, then we took a bath, and then we fell asleep,” he says, and you can hear that he is continuing, but he walks out of the room as he does.. As you shower you space out thinking about everything this anniversary means to people who lost someone on that day. Your eyes start to water as you even try to imagine how much it would hurt having to live this day every year, with so many remembrances going on throughout the day. It is so hard to imagine how Pete usually feels surrounding this day, and how you have apparently made it better for him, something you never could have imagined yourself doing. Slowly you turn off the water and step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around your body and your hair. You stand in front of the mirror as you do your after-shower routine(lotion, leave-in conditioner, etc.) and then turn to leave the room after hanging your hair towel back up. Walking into your closet, you try to guess what you should wear to this dinner. It feels casual, but at the same time you don’t want to show up too casual. You skim your hands through the clothes you have hanging on your side of the closet, and sort of zone out while still trying to decide what to wear. You’re so in the zone that you don’t even hear Pete enter the closet, even though he’s speaking directly to you. “Y/N? Hello?” he says when he realizes you aren’t all there at the moment. With the sound of your name, you finally jump out of your head, and whip your head to look at him. “Sorry babe, what did you say?” you say as you look at him, and he just looks at you, a mixture of confusion and worry on his face. “Are you okay?” he asks you, walking closer to you and wrapping his arms around you. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I just wasn’t sure what I should wear tonight.” “Anything you wear will be fine. It’s not a fancy event, it’s just like one of our monthly dinners. This one is just on the exact same day every year,” he says, shrugging his shoulders, trying to really show you that it doesn’t matter. “So, what I was wearing earlier would be fine?” “Baby, I literally just said that anything would be fine,” he says with a breathy laugh, “yes, that would be perfectly fine. I’m going to take a quick shower,” he says, and leans down to place a quick kiss on your lips, before pulling away and going into the bathroom. You quickly get dressed, before leaving the closet. You grab your phone off the bedside table, after not being on it all day, and head back into the bathroom to sit and do your hair and makeup. You sit down at the vanity you have in the bathroom, and pull out your blow dryer, before grabbing your comb to run it through your hair before you start doing your hair. Ten minutes later your hair is dried, and Pete has made his way in and out of your shared closet, fully dressed. He comes up behind you while you put on some mascara, and just looks at you. “Do you need something?” you ask with a laugh, turning to look at him when you’re done. “No, I just think you’re really beautiful,” he says, leaning down and placing a kiss on the top of your head. “Also we should probably head out soon, just in case there’s traffic or a line at the bakery.” You nod in agreement and stand up, heading out of the room, with him following close behind. “Do you want to drive or do you want me to drive?” he asks when you get to the front door with everything in your hands, looking at the key hook in front of you. “Whatever you want P,” you say, holding the flowers you had gotten for his mom in your hands. He nods and grabs his keys, before opening the door for you. You thank him and the two of you walk to the elevator, pressing the button for the parking garage. You ride the elevator in comfortable silence, just enjoying the presence of each other. The car was luckily parked pretty close to the elevator, and as you get to it Pete opens the car door for you, leaning down and giving you a quick kiss before taking the stuff you were holding and putting it in the backseat. When he got in the driver's seat he handed you his phone to let you choose the music that played. When you put on Taylor Swift and show tunes he was not at all surprised. He gently placed his hand on your thigh as he drove to the bakery. There was almost no traffic, and no line at the bakery, so you made it to his old house in record time, making you really early. When you got there he didn’t immediately turn off the car, instead just sat there and stared ahead, absentmindedly picking at his nail beds. “Pete, are you okay?” you ask him, grabbing his hand in yours so that he would stop picking. He shakes himself out of it and turns to you. “Thank you for today. If it wasn’t for this dinner I probably wouldn’t have spent a lot of time thinking about him like I normally do. This has been the best anniversary of lo-losing him,” he chokes out, starting to tear up. “An-and I couldn’t have imagined it going this well without you by my side. Without you I would have spent the day in bed, just moping around.” At this point your eyes have started watering as well, and you’re barely holding everything back. You unbuckle your seatbelt and launch yourself across the console into his arms, ending up sitting on his lap in the passenger seat. You nuzzle your face into his neck for a few minutes, his head bent into yours as well, before pulling away. “I don’t want you to ever think that you have to hide anything from me,” you say to him, looking into his eyes. “I will never judge you for feeling emotions like a real human. This day is hard. It’s supposed to be. But together we can get through it,” you say, and he buries his head in your neck, and you feel the tears dripping down his face onto your neck. The two of you sit in the car like that for a few more minutes, neither of you noticing that at one point Casey opened the door and peeked out to see what was taking the two of you so long. She’d seen her brother cry so many times before that she could tell that was what was happening, so she closed the door and just let the two of you be. When you both finally stop crying, you clamber back over into the passenger seat, and look at him. “We probably need to go inside,” he says with a little chuckle, wiping at his face with the backs of his hands. You nod in response and wipe your face off as well, before opening the door. You grab the flowers out of the backseat as he grabs the cake, and the two of you walk up to the door, not bothering to knock, just walking in. “Ma, we’re here,” he says as you get inside, both of you heading for the kitchen, knowing that was where Amy was. As you walk by the living room you see Casey sitting on the couch, and Pete gently knocks her on the head as he walks by getting an upset “hey!” in response. When you arrive in the kitchen Pete puts the plate down on the counter before leaning down to hug his mom. You watch with a slight smile on your face as the two have a long hug, something they both obviously needed. When they pull away, Pete circles to the other side of the kitchen and Amy opens her arms for you to step into a hug as well. You quickly set the flowers down and step in, also needing the motherly hug today. When you pull away you realize that all three of you are crying again, and you all chuckle. The four of you spend the rest of the night enjoying each other’s company, and you love hearing stories about Scott that you hadn’t heard before. When you get home and are laying in bed, Pete says something that makes you cry all over again. “My dad would have loved you. I wish you could have met him.” As he says it you can hear the tears in his voice, and you also start to cry, and the two of you fall asleep just holding each other, loving each other, more than either one of you could have ever imagined loving someone. No words are spoken, but you both know that you’re thinking the same thing. “I’m going to marry you someday.”

#Pete Davidson #pete davidson imagine #pete davidson fanfiction #pete davidson x reader #pete davidson x fem!reader

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nomsugayoongi · 3 years

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Make up/Make Out!

Pairing: Jungkook X OC fem

Warnings: It's just smut. Pure smut. 🔞

A/N: Written and edited on a phone so please forgive any mistakes. Suggestions for more are very welcome and also thoughts. Let me know what you think.

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"Am I good to finish for the night?"

She'd been on her feet all day. As make up and hair assistant to one of the most popular groups on the planet, her job consisted of being ready at any moment, day or night, to get the guys of BTS camera ready. Today had been a particularly heavy day. Photoshoots and zoom interviews. You would have thought a global pandemic would have slowed her workload right down but apparently not. The boys were just as busy as ever, determined to remain a presence even when the world was falling apart.

"I'm not sure actually. I think one of the guys is maybe doing a live. Shouldn't take long, just a touch up. Let me go check." Another assistant hurried off, leaving her in what had been dubbed the "ready room" She sighed, sorting the array of make up products strewn on the counter into each boys respective make up bag. 7 individual colour palettes. 7 skin tones. 7 favoured brands. She'd been doing it long enough now that she didn't have to think anymore. Jimin's chapstick in one bag. Hobi's concealer in another. She was tired and frustrated. 16 months of a global lockdown meant she was now living in the guys home in the staff wing. Apart from video calls, she hadn't seen anyone and wasn't able to leave really. On the odd occasion when she did have to accompany the guys somewhere, she was subjected to regular covid tests. It was all just a little overwhelming. Like much of the planet, she was beginning to feel a little stir crazy.

The door opened and the assistant from earlier poked her head round. "Jungkook is doing a live. He's on his way down now. Can you handle it or do you want me to stay?" She could see the hopeful look in her colleagues eye that she could go for the night. Sighing inwardly, she nodded. "I'm good. Enjoy the rest of the night. I'll see you in the morning." She said, faking a smile. An immediate thankful grin was aimed in her direction before her co-worker quickly dissapeared. She sighed again, picking out Jungkooks bag and rifling though it. A V Live wasn't as intense as actual interviews. She'd maybe need to touch up his foundation and neaten his hair. With any luck she could be done in 10 minutes.

She was just about finished setting up when the door opened again. She turned with a welcoming smile but frowned a little as he walked in. His hair was wet, a towel still slung around his shoulders, face completely bare. "Have you just showered?" She muttered. He nodded, strolling over to his favourite chair and slumping in it. "Yeah. I wasn't going to bother with a live but it's been ages and I miss ARMY. Plus I feel kind of restless tonight." He explained. She nodded, a little frustrated that she'd have to entirely redo his face and hair. So much for 10 minutes. But it was her job after all. "So what are we doing?" She questioned, walking up behind him and leaning on the chair, a hand either side of his shoulders. He shrugged, looking at her through the mirror in front of him. "Whatever you want. Just make me look ok for the live." He replied. She chuckled slightly, studying him through the mirror. "You already look ok for the live. But I'll dry your hair. It's freezing in the office. Can't have you catching a cold." She smiled. He chuckled, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his baggy cargo pants and loading up a game. She smiled a little more. Typical Jungkook.

She got to work, removing the damp towel from around his shoulders, tossing it aside and reaching for the hairdryer. It didn't take long to dry. His hair was fine but he had a lot of it and luckily he didn't bleach it into the ground like some of his band mates so it was pretty healthy. Once dried, it was soft and shiny, falling prettily around his face. "Want it straightening?" She asked, digging her fingernails between the dark brown strands at the crown of his head and ruffling it slightly. His hair naturally had a slight wave to it. He had dropped his phone into his lap and his eyes were closed. He liked the slight scratch of her fingernails. It felt nice. "Hmm?" He muttered. "Oh..yeah. Straighten it." He opened his eyes with a sigh. "Are you alright?" She asked softly. "Yeah. Bit of a headache. The scratching was nice." He replied, a small smile playing around his lips. She chuckled, setting down the hairdryer and diving her fingers into his hair, raking her nails lightly across his scalp. Head massage wasn't exactly part of her job description but she had a soft spot for Jungkook. Her tummy filled with warmth as his head to lolled forward and he grumbled softly, eyes closing again. She couldn't help but smile, pressing her fingers to his temples and rubbing in slow circles. "Do you need painkillers?" She asked softly. He grumbled again but shook his head a little. "Nah. Already feels a bit better." He muttered. "Tension headache?" She questioned. "Probably." She diverted her rubbing to his hairline, digging her thumbs into the nape of his neck. His head rolled heavily against her hand, a relieved moan slipping past his parted lips. She watched him in the mirror, her stomach churning as she studied him. Reminding herself that she was working, she reluctantly dropped her hands, reaching for the straighteners. "So... we're straightning." She muttered. He cleared his throat, correcting his posture where he'd slumped down the chair. "Yeah." He nodded.

She ran the flat irons through his hair, alternating between looking at what she was doing and glancing at him through the mirror. "What are we doing with your face?" She questioned, applying a conditioning spray to his already silky soft hair, just so that the heat from the straighteners didn't make it frizzy. "Just make me look good." he said with a shrug. She grinned, picking up a clean powder brush, she spun him round to face her and booped the end of his nose with the brush. "Done" she smiled. He laughed, nose crinkling adorably. "You literally didn't do anything." She shrugged, placing the brush back on the counter. "You don't need anything doing." She said simply. He rolled his eyes, his ears turning pink. "I look like shit." He huffed. She was silent for a second, eyes flicking across his face. His hair was perfect, shiny and soft, skimming his large brown doe eyes. His nose was cute. His lips were full and though slightly chapped, kind of perfect too. Without foundation to soften his features, his jawline looked sharper. His skin was pretty good, the lack of make up making the cute moles dotted around his face clearer. The scar on his right cheek was more noticable but it gave his face character. "You really, really don't." She replied.

He shuffled shyly, fiddling with the phone abandoned on his lap. "I do. I look...plain. I can't go on camera like this." He muttered. She sighed, perching on the back of the sofa next to her. "Jungkook, you couldn't look plain if you tried. Trust me, if your ARMY see you like this they will lose their damn minds." She sighed, folding her arms across her chest. He glanced up at her, eyebrow hitching curiously. "See me like what?" He muttered. She shrugged, feeling somewhat uncomfortable at the things she didn't seem to be able to stop herself from saying. "Like...you. As you are. You've got that...thing...going on." She huffed. "What thing?" She rolled her eyes. "You know what thing. You give off heavy boyfriend energy. Especially when you look like this." She mumbled. He laughed, looking at her more intently. "Boyfriend energy?" She chuckled too, her face feeling hotter than she'd like. "Yeah. You know, that whole duality thing. It's cute. But it's sexy too." She babbled. "You think I'm sexy?" His eyebrows raised, his lips fighting a smile. "As your make up artist, I don't think anything." She chuckled. "And as you?" He questioned. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look into his pretty eyes. "As me? I think you're one of the most confusing men I've ever met." She replied. His gaze was intense, forcing her to speak even though she wasn't actually sure she wanted to. "Confusing how?" He asked quietly.

She thought for a minute then shrugged. "Confusing in the way you play absolute havok with a woman and don't even seem to notice that you're doing it. You're such a contradiction. You're sweet and cute and warm. You're...soft and cuddly. The kind of guy who you want to snuggle and play with his hair as he sleeps. But you also have the ability to absolutely blow that out of the water and turn into this whole other creature. This...sinfully hot, dripping in sex appeal, gyrating menace. And you seem to be able to flip from one to the other and back in literally seconds. You're hormonal whiplash guy. One minute you wanna cuddle him, the next you wanna fuck him senseless, then back to cuddling. Confusing. But either way, whether you're cuddle guy or sexy guy, you're compeltely disarming. Captivating even." She paused, blushing at the heated expression on his perfect face. "So...you don't have to worry about what ARMY think. However you rock up, you're good." She finished with an awkward shrug. "Anyway, if you want me to do your face properly for the camera I will." She said, standing up off the back of the sofa and heading for her make up brushes.

"Woah. Hang on a minute. You can't just say all that and then pretend you didn't. Are you attracted to me?" He asked, smirking slightly, sexy guy definitely rearing his head. She tried her damnedest not to look at him. "Umm...you're attractive, yeah." She shrugged. "That's not what I asked." He hummed. "We've been in lockdown for 16 months. Everyone's attractive right now." She joked, trying to divert the gaze currently burning a hole through her professionalism. "You keep dodging the question." He pushed. She sighed, dropping the beauty blender she was currently picking apart and turning to him. "Yeah, I'm attracted to you. A large portion of the globe is attracted to you." She shrugged. "Yeah but I wasn't asking the globe. I asked you." He replied. "Well I answered. So are we doing your make up or no? It's late." She sighed, flustered. The way he was looking at her made her squirm. Curiously, but with something darker going on behind those doe eyes. "I don't know if I'm attracted to you. I've never thought about it." He muttered. She swallowed hard, looking everywhere but at him. "I didn't ask." She shrugged. "Yeah but after what you said, I can't just ignore it." He sat back in the chair, studying her. Her stomach twisted nervously. "You're cute. Short. I like that. You have nice hair. And your eyes are really pretty." He said absently, as though not actually talk to her, just assessing. She shuffled uncomfortably, her cheeks burning. "I like you. I'm just...not good at this sort of thing. I started training for BTS when I was 15. It didn't leave me a whole lot of time or opportunity to figure out the whole dating thing." He said, a hint of shyness dripping into his voice. "Oh please, I've seen you on stage. You can flirt like a pro." She scoffed. "Flirt, yeah. When it's empty. I can do it when I know it's not going anywhere. Flirting on stage isn't real. I'm not good when it is real." He shrugged. "I dunno...maybe we should...kiss..or something." He babbled. She gawped at him stupidly. "Easiest way to figure out what's going on here." He said, another shrug indicating his nerves. She swallowed, nodding slightly. "Ok." She didn't even really think about the answer, it just fell out.

He stood, shaking his hair out if his eyes, alternating between jamming his hands in his pockets and taking them out again. He was too cute. A kind of deer in the headlights look about him. The confidence he exuded on stage was nowhere near. He looked nervous. He took a few steps, closing the gap between them. Her heart was racing. He kept his hands limply by his sides as he inched forward, his eyes closing, a slight hitch of breath as his nose bumped hers then gently he pressed his lips to hers. His lips were warm and soft with just a hint of rough where they were chapped. Her heart rate doubled pretty much instantly, even at the lingering, closed mouthed peck. They weren't even really kissing but her stomach fluttered wildly. He shuffled a little closer, catching her bottom lip then the top lip then slowly opening his mouth a little more. His hands moved, running his fingertips up her arm, to her shoulder then resting on her neck, his thumb stroking her jaw. The other hand sat comfortably on her hip, pulling her into him just a little more. She sighed against his lips, her insides going nuts as her arms snaked around his narrow waist. Cautiously, he licked at her top lip, gauging her reaction. She opened up, allowing him to slide his tongue past her lips. A quiet involuntary moan escaped her. He tasted of sweetness and biscuit and she idly wondered if he'd been eating Pocky recently. The hand sat against her hip gripped a little harder. He exhaled heavily through his nose as his tongue caressed hers. He hummed against her mouth, withdrawing his tongue but still taking her lips in deep, lingering kisses, almost like he couldn't quite force himself to stop. With a long sigh, he pulled back, just enough to seperate their lips but still close enough for his nose to nudge hers. "Ok. Yeah. Definitely feel it." He whispered. Her eyes opened, her head fuzzy as she gazed at him with a mixture of affection and desire. She didn't even notice that he was looking at her the same way. He ran his fingers through her hair, a smile breaking onto his kiss reddened lips. She giggled dopily, forehead against his, heart skipping a beat at his responding giggle.

"Don't you need to go do a live?" She grinned. He shook his head, fingers entwining with hers. "It can wait till tomorrow. I just want to keep kissing you." His lips were on hers again before she could even process his reply. She moaned softly, melting against him. He felt sturdy and warm, he smelled amazing. He tasted delicious. He was almost too good. Her head swam at the feel of his tongue in her mouth, exploring, licking and tasting, possessing. He was literally making her weak at the knees. Her grip on him tightened, clutching at his steady frame to keep herself upright, genuinely worried that the depth of his heady kiss was going to send her slithering to the floor. She was just about managing to keep a tentative grasp on her composure until his lips left hers and started fluttering along her cheek, stopping just below her ear to suck the delicate skin there. A shiver bolted down her spine, her head rolling aside to give him more access. He moaned quietly against her neck, teeth nipping her skin. She gasped, another shiver errupting through her. "Damn it Jungkook" she whispered. She didn't know what she was damning. Everything? Nothing? It just seemed to be the only words she could claw from her addled brain. He bit a little harder, instantly soothing the slight burst of pain with a slow, tender lick of his soft, warm tongue. Her fingers knotted through his hair, dragging his head back so she could attack his mouth. He groaned against her lips, pressing his hips against her. She pulled his head back, her eyes locking on his. "You need to stop. I'm too horny for this shit." She panted, kissing along his jawline. He bit his lip, hand cradling the back of her head as her lips and tongue skimmed across his throat. "I can do something about that if you want." He murmured. She moaned again, temptation burning hot at her core. "Fuck" she hissed. He pulled her back from the assault she was carrying out on his neck. "Do you have a room mate?" He asked, brown eyes smouldering. She shook her head. "Where's your room?"

She could hardly believe how her night was turning out as she tried to make it to her room with some semblance of normality. Especially with Jungkook in tow. Luckily it was late enough that nobody was still wandering around in the hallways so the fact that she looked like she was about to eat him wasn't an issue. Arriving at her room, she'd barely closed the door behind them when he was back on her, pressing her into the door, lips on hers, hands wondering to her shirt, stopping the kiss barely long enough to pull it over her head before his tongue was back in her mouth. His hands agaisnt the door, either side of her head, boxing her in as he held her still with his body. She could already feel the uncomfortable ache between her thighs, heat pooling inside her making her squirm. How the fuck could he get her so riled up just by kissing her?

His lips moved down, back to the spot on her neck he seemed to enjoy biting, his teeth nipping and sucking once again. He was going to leave a mark and she absolutely didn't care. She hoped he did. She hoped he left several. If it meant he didn't stop, she'd happily have him suck and bite his initials into her skin if he wanted. His lips travelled further down, hands lifting off the door to cup her boobs, pushing them up and groaning in his throat as he licked languidly down her cleavage. He used his thumbs to tease her bra clad nipples, nipping and sucking at the swell of her ample breasts. She pushed his hair back, staring at him opened mouth as he moved her bra aside and wrapped his lips round her nipple. She moaned softly, biting her lip. He sucked deeply, the pull travelling straight down to her pussy, causing her clit to throb needily. His fingers tugging and rolling her other nipple. She wriggled desperately against the solid wooden door. He switched sides, giving the other nipple the same attention, his mouth felt hot and wet, tongue flicking quickly then slowly, then sucking then nibbling. Each gesture making her pussy clench.

She didn't know how much more she could take. The needy ache was becoming overpowering. Luckily he seemed to sense it, his hands slipping down, flicking the button of her jeans open. He eyed her quickly, requesting permission which was granted with an almost frantic nod. He smirked, hooking his fingers into her jeans and pushing them over her hips teasingly slowly. Her underwear went with them, balling together round her ankles. She couldn't even think enough to kick them off. He stood, leaning against the door with one hand, his eyes on hers as his fingers trailed lightly across her stomach then down, grazing her inner thigh. His smirk was torturous, knowing exactly what she needed and purposefully grazing but giving no relief. "Don't be a brat." She panted. He chuckled darkly, his fingers circling her bellybutton, the tickle making her abdomen clench. "This is what I was talking about. The duality. I like you more when you're being a bunny." She hissed. He laughed again. "No you don't." He muttered, pressing a searing kiss to her lips. "You've waited 16 months. What's an extra two minutes?" He smirked, his fingers once again playing around her inner thigh. "Jungkook I swear to god, I'm just gonna do it myself in a minute." She growled. He rolled his eyes, chuckling breathlessly. "Ok ok. Jesus."

He licked his lips, his smirk faltering as his fingers grazed her slit. "Fuck, you're already wet." He moaned. "Duh, I've been wet since you kissed me in the other room." She whispered. He bit his lip, groaning deeply, his fingers pushing through her folds, finding her clit quickly and circling. The ache tightened in her belly, her knees buckling. He dipped his fingers down against her hole, smearing her own sticky liquid around his fingertips before moving back up to her clit, his index and ring fingers parting her folds while his middle finger gently rubbed her sensative bud. Her breath shuddered, eyes closing as she swallowed thickly. Her head fell back, banging against the door. She was so turned on that his touch almost burned, so sensative already. He maintained a steady pace with his fingers, dipping back down occasionally to recover them in the fluid now leaking from her hole to make the glide of his fingertips smoother. She could barely breath. The stimulation of his careful touch on her clit was almost unbearable, causing the needy ache of her pussy to increase rapidly. She needed to be stretched and filled, her thoughts lost in how his fingers would feel slipping in and out of her greedy hole. Or better yet, his hard cock. She groaned, eyes rolling back as she felt his lips back on her neck. She gripped at his hair, inhaling through clenched teeth. "Jungkook, I need you to fuck me." She whined. He moaned, biting her neck again. "I'm going to. Just not yet." He muttered. She growled pathetically, writhing against the door as he maintained the steady torture with his fingers. She couldn't keep her hands still, grabbing at his hair and his shoulder and the door frame as the pleasure built from a subtle warmth to a searing heat, creeping though her limbs and making her weak. "Fuck...I can't.." she choked, not actually knowing what the end of the statement was. Can't stand it. Can't function. Can't breath. Can't wait. The gradual build of her orgasm was now rushing towards her with alarming speed, every careful brush of his fingertips nudging her closer. "Ahhh. Jungkook...fuck" she huffed. He smirked, lifting his head from her neck to kiss her.

It didn't fit. She expected him to ravage her mouth. He didn't. He kissed her softly, his tongue dancing across her lips, barely any pressure, his free hand coming up to stroke her cheek. Emotional whiplash man in full effect. The action of his fingers was making her wild but his kiss was sweet and soothing. It felt so strange to be kissed that way while being held on the very edge of an orgasm. The way he kept the same steady pace was vicious. She wanted him to speed up, go harder, follow the flow of her building release but he didn't. The slow build drew out her pleasure, his pace maddening. A rush of heat flooded through her, stilling her lips against his mouth, making her gasp for air as every muscle in her body constricted. She could hear her own pleasured wails but they didn't sound like any kind of noise she'd ever made before. Her eyes screwed shut, back arching off the door as her orgasm hit violently, heat coursing from her core and seeping though the rest of her body. She panted helplessly, spots dancing in front of her eyes, her muscles slowly realising. When her knees went, he had an arm around her waist to hold her up. "I've got you." He whispered, kissing her jawline softly. His fingers slowed as she began to shudder, instead moving to trace light, ticklish patterns on her thigh. Her head flopped heavily against his shoulder, fingers gripping at his back like he was the only thing keeping her in one piece. She didn't even notice him moving her until she felt herself sinking heavily into her bed. He laid beside her, chin resting in his hand as he smiled, using the other hand to move her hair off her face. She was quiet for a few minutes, slowly calming her ragged breathing down, enjoying the blissful tingles fading out. When her eyes could focus enough, she looked at him and whined quietly, her heart thumping painfully. He was beyond beautiful. A shaky hand lifted to brush a few strands of dark brown hair away from his pretty eyes. "Wow" she whispered. He chuckled, staring back at her. "You can sleep if you want to. I don't mind." He said softly, noticing her still dozy expression. She shook her head. "Don't wanna sleep. Just need a minute." She muttered. "Kiss me."

He did so immediately. She felt liked she'd kissed him so much yet it wasn't even nearly enough. He was the kind of guy you could lose hours of every day just attached to his face. It was something she would never tire of. Her fingers ran through his hair, sighing against his perfect lips. In her post orgasm haze, she just felt soft for him. Everything about him was so enticing, the pull of him overwhelming. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She gripped him tighter than she needed to, suddenly afraid of what would happen when the night was over. He broke the kiss, frowning at her slightly. "What's wrong?" He whispered, fingers trailing across her swollen lips. She kissed his fingertips, holding onto his wrist as she looked at him. "I just...don't want this to end." She muttered. He smiled, rolling his eyes at her. "It doesn't have to." He said simply. She relaxed a little, returning his smile, then pulling him in for yet more kissing.

The kiss became heated pretty quickly. She'd already had an orgasm but he hadn't. He nipped at her bottom lip, hands roaming all over her. He was pretty notorious for his lack of patience and while he had decidedly more restraint in the bedroom, he wasn't a saint. He'd been hard the entire time he'd been fingering her and while he did get off on watching her pleasure, he was beginning to feel needy. He pushed his hips into her thigh, searching for some friction. She pulled away from his lips with a sullen pout. "Why do you still have so many clothes on?" She whined. He chuckled, pushing himself up into a sitting position and shrugging. "Because you haven't taken them off yet." He replied. She sat too, batting her eyelashes and kissing the end of his nose. "Well that's pretty shitty of me. I'm sorry." She joked, pulling his shirt over his head. She'd wanted to be cute and playful but Jungkook without clothes was no joke. She groaned, eyes lingering on his sculpted chest and tight abs. "Jesusfuck" she muttered, broad shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist, the dark ink circling his right arm contrasted strongly against his skin. She bit her lip, oogling him shamelessly.He chuckled, feeling a little bashful. She trailed her fingertips down his chest, her lip caught between her teeth as they skimmed past his belly button and down to the waistband of his cargo pants. With a flick, the button popped open and he lifted his ass to help her pull them off. She'd barely got them to his thighs when she let out another groan. He was hard. His cock straining against his black boxers, a wet spot at the head where pre-cum had soaked through the material. She abandoned her mission to remove his pants, feeling strangely compelled, almost like she had no control as she leant forward, peeling the tight band of his underwear back just enough to lick the head of his cock. He let out a soft yelp, obviously not expecting the sudden jolt of pleasure. "Shit" he whispered, his hands scooping her hair back from her face as he straightened out his legs and lifted his hips. His boxers were pushed down enough to free him from them. She moaned quietly, her tongue gliding from the base of his dick to the head, following the thick vein that spanned his length. "Fuck sake. Even your cock is pretty." She said huskily, illiciting a moan from him. Her fingers wrapped around his shaft, steering the head towards her lips. He watched, entranced as she slowly swirled her tongue over the head, gathering the sticky pre-cum then retreating back into her mouth, grumbling softly with closed eyes as she tasted him. When her eyes opened and fixed on his, his cock throbbed in her hand. With her hair falling around her face, her darkened, swollen lips parted, her eyes glassy, pupils blown, she looked hungry, lowering herself back down to lick the end of his cock again. He hissed, hands gripping tighter in her hair. "I want to fuck your mouth." He panted. She groaned, dropping his cock, it smacked against his belly as he kicked off his cargo pants furiously.

Once off, she threw a leg over his hips sitting across him as her hands tangled in his hair she she caught his lips in a fierce kiss. He groaned into her mouth, he could feel the heat of her wet pussy against his shaft. It took everything he had not to adjust the angle slightly and slide into her. He wanted to desperately but he also wanted to draw the night out as much as he could. He wanted her cock drunk and helpless by the time he'd finished. He could feel her wriggling, trying to rub herself against his cock as she kissed him. He moaned, shifting his position slightly so that his cock slid between her folds, gently rocking so that the head grazed her clit. She whined, breaking the kiss, her head flopping agaisnt his shoulder as she bucked against him. "Fuck me." She whimpered. He smirked, catching her earlobe between his teeth and nibbling softly. "Uh uh" he teased, still undulating his hips to rub his shaft against her clit. "Need you to help me first." He forced her head up, nipping her bottom lip between his thumb and index finger. "Need to fuck this pretty little mouth." He grunted. She moaned, nodding. He smirked, guiding her off him. She slid off the bed, falling to her knees and opening her mouth expectantly. He scrambled over, threading his fingers through her hair as he gripped his throbbing dick and guided it past her lips. He felt her warm, wet mouth engulf him and shuddered, his head falling back, his hips beginning to move slowly, thrusting his cock in and out of her soft mouth. She placed her hands on his muscular thighs, watching his face crease in pleasure as she let him literally fuck her mouth. Her tongue slithered all over his thrusting cock, her mouth filling with saliva as the head hit the back of her throat and she tried to swallow the urge to gag. She stayed still, feeling the needy ache between her thighs grow almost out of control as he used her mouth. His hands tugged at her hair, controlling her movement, sinking his cock deeper and deeper into her throat. Her eyes started to water, gasping for air between his thrusts as he lost himself. His moans initially breathy and quiet were getting louder and higher in pitch. His slow, methodical thrusts were getting quicker, more desperate as he babbled words of praise between moans. "Fuck. So good. Just like that. Yes. Yes." She felt his thighs tense, his muscles rigid. "Fuck, gonna cum. Don't wanna stop. Don't wanna stop." He whined. She moved one hand from his thigh, cupping his balls and squeezing softly. He mewled in surprise and suddenly she felt the spurts of hot cum fill her mouth. He shuddered viciously, hands pulling her hair painfully but unable to relax his clenched fists. She continued to gently run her tongue across the head of his dick, feeling it pulse and twitch as he emptied in her throat. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He whimpered, his grip loosening. He'd barely stopped cumming when he untangled his hands and dropped down to his knees in front of her. "Are you alright?" He asked between gasps of air. She swallowed the mouthful he'd just given her and smiled. He'd literally just cum and his first action was to check on her. "I'm fine" she whispered, pulling his head against her shoulder where he crumpled pathetically, still panting and whining softly at the aftershocks of pleasure running though him. She ran her fingers through his hair, smiling. He was sweaty and the perfectly straightened hair she'd given him was now wavy and damp.

He allowed himself a few minutes to recover, his legs shaky and his lungs burning for air as the warm, tingly satisfying feeling of his orgasm flooded through him and gently eased. He liked the calming touch of her fingers in his hair and the cool feel of her skin against his burning flesh. He felt her pressing kisses to his shoulder and smiled, lifting his head to meet her eyes. "That was....so good." He chuckled. She grinned proudly. "Sorry I didn't warn you...or pull out. I wouldn't usually just cum in your mouth without asking but...fuck, I thought I could hold on a bit longer." He smiled. She giggled, shaking her head. "It's ok. I wanted you to." She grinned. "It was really hot. I really like doing that to you." She admitted. He grinned, curling a strand of her hair around his fingers. "You can do that to me whenever the fuck you want to." He laughed. "Don't tell me that. You'll spend your entire life with your dick in my mouth." She grinned. "Sounds good to me." He shrugged. They both laughed. He stood, offering his hand to pull her up too. He kissed her, standing at the end of the bed, naked bodies pressed together as his hands wandered up and down her back. He could taste himself of her lips and though the thought of it would usually make him feel kind of weird, he just found it incredibly hot. "You taste like my cum" he whispered against her lips, tongue delving deeper into her mouth. She moaned against his lips. "Are you trying to kill me?" She breathed. He chuckled, pushing her back gently until she collided with the bed and fell backwards onto it. "Maybe" he shrugged, crawling into the bed between her legs. She gasped, shuffling backwards. "What you doing?" She muttered. He pushed her legs apart, biting his lip as he looked unabashedly at her glistening pussy. "Hungry." He grunted, dropping down onto his elbows and kissing her thigh. "You're going to kill me." She hissed, watching him kiss closer to her throbbing core. "Shhh. I'm busy." He muttered, teasingly running his tongue along the crease where her leg met her groin. Her breath caught in her throat. Just the sight of his head between her legs had her pussy contracting.

"Jungkook, I..." He stopped her, mid sentence by swiping his tongue through her folds. "Oh my god." She panted. He smirked, another long lick from hole to clit, groaning as the taste of her tingled on his tongue. "Fuck. You taste so good." He murmured. He curled his arms around her thighs, spreading her legs further so that her pussy was open and on display. A groan rattled in his throat, his teeth clamping down on his bottom lip before he leant forward and flicked his tongue against her leaking hole, feeling the ring of muscle contract wildly, trying to draw something inside. "You need a cock in you, huh?" He muttered, talking to her pussy. He flicked his tongue once more watching the muscles contract again. "I know you're needy. Just wait a little longer. I need to make her cum again and then I'm all yours. Promise." He whispered.

She watched in amazement. He was nestled comfortably between her parted legs, talking to her vagina like it was a separate entity. She knew Jungkook had a habit of talking to inanimate objects, she'd seen him apologise to chairs when he'd walked into them and ask his food if it was cool enough to eat yet but she'd never imagined in a billion years that that extended to pussy too. When he spoke to chairs, it was adorable. When he spoke to her pussy, it was mind meltingly sexy. She kind of wanted to sit there, third wheeling while he had a whole ass conversation with it. Another flick of his tongue broke her thought then as his tongue fluttered up to her clit, her mind went completely blank. He ate pussy the way he ate noodles, slurping, sucking, lips and tongue. Repeat until insane. He didn't seem to care about the sloppy sounds or lip smacking. He was a noisy eater and she fucking loved it. He dived in enthusiastically and for a woman, there was nothing sexier than a guy who ate pussy because he loved it, not because he felt he had to. He groaned happily, his tongue everywhere, lips closing around her clit, sucking and licking her most sensitive spot until he had to tighten his grip on her thighs to keep her still. Her orgasm built quickly, her hips writhing as she clawed at the sheets beneith her, legs kicking involuntarily under his vice like grip. He moaned, forcing her legs up, his hands behind her knees as he hovered over her, head moving as he made out with her clit like it was her mouth. He didn't stop as her orgasm hit, sucking and licking at her pussy until she was convulsing, her cries somewhere between pleasure and distress. "AHHHH JUNGKOOK, PLEASE" she wailed. "Want me to stop?" He panted quickly, his tongue swirling against her overly sensative clit once again. "YES. NO. I DON'T KNOW" she squealed. It felt too intense. Almost painful. But so good. Unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Her past experiences had all ended as soon as she'd cum but apparently that didn't necessarily mean the end to Jungkook. She crushed the pillow to her face, barely muffling the strangled moans escaping her. "Oh fuck. I'm gonna cum again." She cried. This pleasure was different. Sharper. Her muscles burned, being tensed for too long but unable to relax under his persistent tongue. Her mouth dropped open in a silent scream, her vision went blank, her skin felt on fire and then the raging, hot, sharp pleasure eased. Her muscles slowly unwound and she practically melted into the bed. He was beside her without her even noticing him move. Gentle kisses peppered her face and he moved her sweaty hair back. "Just breath babygirl" he cooed. "Are you alright? Too much?" He whispered. She shook her head, grabbing for his hand and clutching it as her senses returned. "Need you in me." She growled, throwing the pillow aside.

Something about her last orgasm had snapped her resolve and even though the pleasent tingles still washed through her, she couldn't think of anything other than how empty she felt. She'd been craving his cock inside her since they'd kissed against the door and that was hours ago. She couldn't stand another minute of teasing and Jungkooks cocky smirk wasn't helping her any. "Ooh. I really drove you crazy." He teased. "Remind me to do that again..." He kissed her, his tongue teasing her lips and leaving the taste of herself behind, "..and again" He nibbled her bottom lip softly, "...and again!" He whispered. She glared at him as he smiled widely, his nose crinkling. "Don't bunny smile at me." She hissed. He laughed, trailing his fingers across her stomach. "I thought you liked the duality thing. That's what you said earlier." He grinned. "I do...but can you save the bunny bit until after you've fucked me." She whined. He laughed harder. "If you wanna fuck, I'm not stopping you." He shrugged. She eyed him for a second then pushed him onto his back, throwing her leg over his hips. He hummed appreciatively, biting his lip as his eyes roamed slowly down her body, taking his hard cock in his hand and rubbing it against her pussy. "Y'know, I've just had an orgasm. My legs are still wobbly. If you were a gentleman you'd do the work." She smirked, grinding against his cock. He laughed, raising an eyebrow. "Oh is that right?"

He sat up suddenly, sending her flying backwards, she screeched and giggled, grabbing onto his arms as he flipped them so that he was on top of her. He took her hands, pinning them either side of her head. "I was letting you take control cause you said you wanted to fuck. But now..." He paused, kissing her, groaning into her mouth as his tongue slid against hers. "...I'm in control...and I don't wanna fuck. I'm gonna go nice...and slow." He grinned as she started to protest, taking his dick in his hand and rubbing the end against her hole, chuckling as her words stopped instantly. "Yeah, thought that'd shut you up." He lined up, pushing forward, his eyes fluttering as he felt the soft slick heat stretch and swallow the tip. She tried to raise her hips but he pinned them down with a smirk, kissing her softly before resting his forehead against hers. "No baby. Slowly." He breathed, pushing forward a little more. He savoured the feeling of her tight, hot pussy accepting him inch by inch until his hips were flush against hers. He exhaled heavily, his eyes closing as he pressed his lips to hers hungrily. "Wrap your legs around me" he whispered, looking into her lust filled eyes. With her hips lifted, it changed the angle allow him even deeper. "Oh fuck" she grunted, her hands clenched against his shoulders. "Too deep?" He muttered. She shook her head. She felt stretched and filled completely. He was deep enough to make her toes curl. He withdrew just as slowly, whining, his mouth falling open and his brow creasing. "Oh shit." He groaned. He'd wanted to go slow. To tease her until she couldn't stand it anymore but he was the one who gave in first. She was hot and tight and velvety soft. His stomach tightened, his hips moving faster automatically. He kissed her desperately, moans mingling together along with their tongues. Every time he started to pull out, her walls clamped around him, holding and squeezing his throbbing cock. He could barely form a thought, feverishly driving his cock into her over and over as she moaned beneath him. He could feel her getting tighter and wetter. He forced his eyes open. "Look at me" he panted. Her eyes opened, glassy and unfocused. He moaned deeply, the pleasured expression etched on his face along with the sounds he was making only pushed her closer to release. He looked and sounded so fucking sexy, the perfect drag of his thick, hot cock, so hard, so deep, she'd never felt anything like it. She felt like everything about him was designed to please. "Jungkook..." she purred, her hips rolling and bucking in rhythm with his. "Fuck. I'm so close." He moaned. She bit her lip. His golden skin gleamed as sweat began to roll down his neck and onto his chest. Her back arched, the steady thrust of his cock pounding into her driving her closer and closer. She gripped his back, her nails clenching. He felt the bite of pain and hissed, thrusting harder. "Let go baby. Let me see you come undone one more time." He growled. It was like she didn't have a choice, her body simply obeying, her orgasm shattering through her. He felt it, the hard clench of her walls followed by the rapid pulsing, milking his cock, pulling his cum from him. His steady rhythm faltered, his head dropping onto her shoulder as he fucked through the pleasure, his cum spilling deep inside her making his thrusting sloppier. He was still twitching as his arms gave out and he flopped heavily down on top of her, gasping for air, his head swimming and buzzing. He could feel her hot, ragged breath against his ear. He wanted to move off of her, check she was ok, do something but he couldn't move. He felt heavy, his mind cloudy. He just about managed to throw his leg over her hips and slither beside her, dozily pulling her into his arms as he pressed soft, breathless kisses to her forehead. "Roll" he mumbled, tapping her hip. She forced herself onto her side, grumbling contentedly as he curled up behind her, spooning her. "I think I'm gonna pass out." She whispered, giggling weakly. He chuckled, his own eyes heavy, the urge to sleep clawing

at him insistently. "Sleep. I'm not going anywhere." He muttered.

#jungkook smut #jungkook #bts #jjk #jungkook x reader #jungkook fic #jungkook fluff

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anabsolutetrainwreck · 4 years

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through the warning signs || h. styles

warnings: a couple of swears, mentions of covid

word count: 3.1k

summary: you first met harry on the set of dunkirk, but now you’re reunited on the set of his new film...

Films had always fascinated you. The endless possibilities of art you could create, from the cinematography to the mise en scène, even to the sound, had always blown your mind. So, even from an early age, you always knew you wanted to get into filmmaking somehow. You were perhaps the worst actor to ever grace the planet, so acting was never an option for you. But alas, you studied film studies in school and went to university for the very same thing. At first, you’d considered becoming a cinematographer, but you realised you could entwine your love of film production and fashion. So, you found yourself as a costume designer.

In 2014, your dearest friend, Louisa, had dragged you to see Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar. She had an unhealthy obsession with Timothée Chalamet at the time, and had made you watch every single film he’d been in - big role or small. So, while Louisa was busy being in love with Timothée Chalamet, you were busy nursing an adoration for Christopher Nolan films. And then, in 2016, you found yourself in Dunkerque, France, working alongside Mr Nolan himself.

As well as being incredibly interested in films, you were also somewhat of a history buff in school. So, working on a film like Dunkirk alongside names like Kenneth Branagh and Cillian Murphy, was one of the most surreal first days on the job. Or, more notably, Harry Styles. Though Louisa was then going through her Tom Hardy phase, she was once a massive One Direction fan. And, though you never bothered to learn every last fact that was public knowledge about them, you could certainly appreciate their music.

As the weeks went on, you began to slip into place more. The more time that passed, the more you knew this was the career for you. And, you knew it wasn’t very professional, but you developed somewhat of a liking towards the singer. He was nice to you. But, then again, he was nice to everybody. It was just in his nature. You weren’t even sure he knew your name...

And then filming wrapped and you never saw him again. The pair of you had never exchanged numbers or followed each other on social media. And that was the end of that. And, after a month or so, your little crush on Harry died away. And, even when you went to the premiere, you only got a couple of glances at him.

In the three years since you last saw him, you’d never forgotten about him. It wasn’t exactly an easy feat forgetting about Harry Styles. But he had definitely been pushed to the back of your mind. Plenty of things had managed to take the front seat since then. You’d won an Oscar for Best Costume Design for your work on Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of Little Women at the beginning of 2020, which was completely insane (Louisa was still more amazed by the fact that you got to work with Timothée Chalamet). The award sat on your mantelpiece in your London flat beside a picture of Louisa and yourself.

However, more recently, you’d taken a place on the crew of Olivia Wilde’s new film: Don’t Worry, Darling. You’d worked on Booksmart with her and she simply adored you. Before production had even begun, you could already tell you were going to love working on this film. It was a psychological thriller set in the 50s - you were in love already. Not only that, but it was starring one of your good friends you’d made in the industry: Florence Pugh.

This all seemed great, until you were notified that Harry Styles would be taking the place of Shia LaBeouf to play ‘Jack’. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t let yourself be caught up by his unintentional charm once again. So, on the first day of filming, you turned up in your puffer jacket (despite it being filmed in California).

You had already worked with Olivia before filming on the costumes, or at least a large bulk of them. It was an odd sort of dynamic; she wanted you to take control simply due to your brilliant eye for fashion, especially vintage fashion, and you wanted her to take control as it was her film. In the end, you managed to create a cooperative working environment.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t stalling as you were fixing up Florence’s costume. Harry’s needed doing next and you didn’t exactly want to face him. You’d tried desperately to stay out of Harry’s sight. And, so far, you’d been successful. When it came to measuring, you’d kindly asked one of your assistants to measure him (and she was more than happy to do so). But all your clever sneaking around was about to go down the drain. “You all right, Y/N?” Flo asked, noticing your shaky hands and your incessant fiddling.

You nodded quickly, “Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I think you’re good to go.”

She smiled, “Thanks. Love you.”

“Love you too!” you grinned as you watched her jog away. She disappeared behind a couple of trailers. As you approached Harry, who was busy talking to a couple of other crew members, you tried to convince yourself that, if you kept your head down, there was no way Harry would attempt to make small talk as you fixed his costume. You’d have your mask on, so there was absolutely no way he’d recognise you. Besides, it had been four years since you filmed Dunkirk, he wouldn’t even remember you. As you neared Harry and one of the gaffers, you cleared your throat, “Do you mind if I steal Harry for a second?”

“Sure,” the gaffer nodded, turning to work on some of the lighting. Keeping your head down and your hands quick, you got to work on adjusting his tuxedo. Awkward was definitely an understatement. Or, it was for you, at least. In an odd sort of way, you were begging for him to make some sort of conversation to ease the sheer awkwardness, but you prayed he stayed silent at the same time. Alas, your prayers weren’t enough. “It’s Y/N, right?” his voice came, though slightly muffled by his mask, you made it out clearly.

“Uh, yeah,” you nodded, adjusting his cuffs and trying your very hardest not to make eye contact with him.

“Congratulations on your Oscar,” was what he said next. “It was for Little Women, right?”

That got you to look up at him. Had he actually remembered your name all of four years or had he just recognised you when you made your acceptance speech at the Oscars? Maybe Florence had just mentioned your Oscar win earlier in the year, and that was how he knew. “Yeah, it was,” you replied. “Congratulations on your album.”

“Cheers,” he said. It was a good album - both of his were. Louisa had forced you to listen to his entire discography whenever you drove her around. Not that you were exactly complaining, you enjoyed Harry’s music. And, just as the awkwardness was beginning to pour back into the atmosphere, he added, “It’s no Oscar, though.”

“It was a bloody good album, though. It was nominated for a Brit too, wasn’t it?” you asked, vaguely remembering Louisa scream in your ear that Fine Line had been nominated for Best Album, or something along those lines.

He nodded, “Well, yeah.”

And, just like that, the conversation fizzled out into uneasy silence. You wanted to kick yourself for being such a shit conversationalist; there’s people who would kill to have a chat with Harry Styles. Yet, here you were, complimenting an album you weren’t even sure you could name all the songs on. Thankfully, the sound of Olivia’s voice caught your attention, “Y/N!”

The two of you turned to see her approaching quickly. She was waving two samples of fabric in front of you, “Oh, hi, Harry. Good thing you’re here, actually. Which of these were you thinking of for his other suit?”

You took both from her, inspecting them closely. One was a brown and the other was a blue, slightly lighter than a navy. “Well, I thought both would work. I mean, it’s up to you, but I think the brown contrasts with Florence’s costume better,” you replied. “But then I’ve got this lovely tie set aside for the blue. So, really it’s your decision.”

She hummed, agreeing with what you said, “I see what you mean. We could always use the blue for a different scene?”

You shrugged, nodding, “Yeah, I mean, the brown will definitely work better with Florence’s costume for those couple of scenes we’re shooting in Palm Springs. But, like I said, the blue is very fifties.”

She smiled, “Brilliant. I’ll sort out the brown, then.”

Quickly, you said, “No, it’s okay. I’ll sort it out when I’m finished with Harry.”

She thanked you as she left. Harry couldn’t take his eyes off you as you worked away, your eyebrows furrowed slightly as you sorted the hem of his trousers. And, thank God for the mandatory masks, as he couldn’t help the smile that danced across his lips. Then, in no time at all, Harry was snapped out of his small trance at the sound of your voice, “Right, you’re good to go.”

“Cheers, Y/N,” he smiled slightly, watching as you walked off towards one of your assistants. Sighing softly to himself, he left to find Florence.

The two weeks the entire cast and crew had off due to somebody testing positive for covid was a lovely break for you. As well as constant fear that they’d just call Don’t Worry, Darling off completely and you’d be out of work again. And the relentless guilt you felt for having to stay at Florence’s for the two weeks with her boyfriend because you didn’t have your own house in America, and you couldn’t fly back and forth between England and America. And the nights where you cried into Florence’s arms as you missed your family from back home. And the nights where you couldn’t sleep because you began to overthink things like if you’d locked your front door or turned the oven off. But, other than that, it’d been a smooth run.

But now you were back and in Palm Springs. And the sun was out and you were longing for a cold shower. You found yourself stood in front of Harry once more, trying to decide which tie would work best with his brown suit. He’d followed you on Instagram since your first interaction since Dunkirk, which received an onslaught of ecstatic texts from Louisa. But that was as far as it had ever gone. None of your conversations progressed past his costumes or anything work-related. And, when you first turned up on set on the very first day of production, that was what you’d wanted. But now you had to surround yourself with him everyday, you longed for him to ask about something other than the job. You wanted to discuss favourite novels and guilty pleasures and pet peeves and bad habits and embarrassing childhood stories with him. All these little things you wanted him to know about you.

Your mind was wandering and it took you a moment to realise that you weren’t even thinking about which tie worked best anymore. Your head was full of swirling fantasies that you knew would never come to be.

Harry, however, didn’t notice your zoned out expression either. He was too busy trying to figure out whether you were single due to the shirt you were wearing, which hung much too large on your frame. And the feeling of knowing there was a possibility that you were living a happy life with somebody else was beginning to rip him up inside. He was trying to remember if you’d thanked a boyfriend in your acceptance speech at the Oscars, but that all seemed so long ago now - he couldn’t possibly remember. So, in spite of himself, he asked, “Missing your boyfriend, then?”

You looked up at him, your hands dropping down to your sides. “What?”

“Your boyfriend - are you missing him?” Harry repeated, a small smile on his face to make his tone sound slightly less bitter.

“Oh, I don’t have a boyfriend,” you replied, finally settling on a tie.

“You don’t? I just figured, you know, with the shirt...” he trailed off, prompting you to elaborate.

You chuckled awkwardly, “Right, of course. I only do it to make myself appear less single.”

He laughed, but it was mainly out of relief. It wasn’t like he’d forgotten about you from the set of his first movie, you just hadn’t been on his mind for the four years following. But then he’d turned up on the first day of filming, seen you laughing with Florence and Olivia, and everything just came rushing back to him. All of the pent up feelings and the nights pondering all of the what ifs and the maybes. “Well, you fooled me,” he smiled.

“Just my ingenious plans working, as usual,” you joked, earning a small laugh from Harry.

As you finished wrapping the tie around Harry’s shirt collar, you informed him you were finished. He thanked you and left to get his hair and makeup done. You practically jumped out of your skin at the sound of Florence’s voice behind you, “I’m pretty sure if he asks you about your love life, it means he likes you.”

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” you exclaimed, hitting Flo’s shoulder with the tie you opted not to use.

She laughed loudly, “You know I’m right!”

“He’s just making small talk.”

“No, Y/N, small talk is how nice the weather is, not ‘oh, are you single?’”

“Okay, firstly, he didn’t say that. Secondly, it’s California - it’s always nice weather,” you retorted. As much as you fought back, you quite liked the idea that Florence thought Harry liked you.

“You know what I mean!” she replied, grinning her infamous broad, cheeky smile. “Don’t even try and act like you wouldn’t mind if he liked you!”

“I don’t know what you mean,” you said sheepishly, a small smile gracing your features. As aforementioned - you were perhaps the worst actor to grace the planet.

“I knew it!” she grinned excitedly.

“Don’t you have hair to be done?” you chuckled, pushing her towards where she needed to go to get her hair styled for the shoot.

“This isn’t over, Y/N!” she called back as she slowly disappeared.

The following day, as you were patching up one of Chris Pine’s suits, Florence came and sat down opposite you. She had one of those devious smirks on her face and you knew that couldn’t mean anything good. You placed your needle down, staring expectantly at her. “How can I be of assistance?” you asked skeptically.

“Well, as your dear friend, I thought it was my duty to report back to you. So, I’d like to tell you that our good pal Harry was asking about you,” she grinned.

You sighed, “Was he? And what was he asking?”

“Something about if you have any allergies,” she replied.

“Wow,” you laughed, “must be hopelessly in love with me then.”

“No, listen. He asked about your allergies and then he asked what kind of food you liked. So, my guess is he’s going to ask you to dinner.”

“We’ll see,” you said, offering her a smile in the hopes that she’d just drop it.

“Indeed we will. I’ll see you in a bit, Y/N,” she grinned, pinching your cheeks as she got up. “Love you!”

You chuckled, “Love you too!”

And, just like that, you were left to your own devices. Though your flow had been disrupted, you got back to stitching up Chris’ suit, which had a minor tear in the lapel. Working on a film set, you were used to being interrupted; people would come and go, asking you all sorts of questions. You always found it pretty easy to get back into your rhythm. However, when Harry came and took the place of Florence, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to get back into your desired flow easily. “Oh, hey, Harry,” you greeted. “Are you okay?”

He nodded quickly. He wasn’t hiding his nervous shifting very well - despite how good of an actor he may be. He fiddled with his fingers, which lay in his lap. They were lacking the many, expensive-looking rings they usually adorned. He was out of costume, instead dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. His hair wasn’t slicked back and full of gel like it usually was on set. “Yeah, yeah. I’m okay,” he said, rather unconvincingly.

His eyes followed your fingers as they gripped the little needle, weaving it in and out of one of suit’s lapels. Another wave of awkwardness washed over the pair. But, for once, you didn’t feel uncomfortable. You weren’t the one who came over to start the conversation. “Are you busy tonight?” he suddenly asked, his voice almost shaky.

“Uh, no. Not if I can get this lapel finished,” you replied, your tone joking. Your eyes were still trained on your needle, but your mind was most definitely concentrating on every last syllable that fell from Harry’s lips.

He let out an awkward, breathy chuckle, “Right. Um, well, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab something to eat?”

You couldn’t help the tiny grin that pulled at the corner of your lips, “I’d love to.”

This was what you felt you’d been waiting for for a good four years. And, thank God, Florence had warned you that she suspected Harry was thinking of asking you out, otherwise you weren’t sure you’d be able to get out any comprehensible words. “Great,” he grinned, whatever nervousness that had been racing through his veins seemed to slowly drown away. “I’ll see you tonight, then. At 6?”

You nodded, overwhelmed with serotonin, trying to suppress the urge to let out a loud squeal. You knew you’d get back to Florence’s, share a glass of predate wine with her and dance about happily in her kitchen. All of these marvellous emotions swept through your body, which was abuzz with electric euphoria. And yet, all you replied was, with a small smile, “At 6.”

part two.

#harry fanfic #harry fanfiction #harry imagine #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry oneshot #harry styles oneshot #harry imagines #harry styles imagines #harry x y/n #harry x you #harry x reader

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differentkettleoffishalltogether · 4 years

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I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N: I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

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Series Masterlist

Masterlist

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube.

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy.

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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mintelepathy · 4 years

Text

"You are my safe place"

idol!jimin x reader/oc

word count: +1.2k

summary: oc goes to their home country, gets stuck there because of quarantine, and then finally goes back to korea without telling jimin so oc could surprise him.

FLUFF so much fluff

masterlist

Getting stuck in your country because of quarantine wasn’t in your plans when you went to visit your family earlier this year.

At first you were going to stay there for a month, but from one day to the other your flight back to Korea was cancelled, and the president had decided to implement a strict quarantine due to the increase of covid cases.

Everything was a mess and there was nothing you could do.

The worst thing was that this happened all of the sudden, and maybe if you had known beforehand you could have moved your returning date forward.

“You still don’t know when are you coming back, do you?” you watched him through the screen of the phone.

Even though you were at the other side of the world, and it was hard for Jimin and you to find the right time to facetime each other, you made it work.

Even if that meant that one of you had to stay awake late at night you’d always find some time for each other. Your times zones were so different that every time you texted him he would text you back hours later because either he was sleeping or working, and the same happened when he texted you, you were either sleeping or.. yeah sleeping.

You’ve been talking for an hour straight now and he was the one awake at 3 in the morning.

You noticed how tired he looked and somehow you felt guilty for talking too much and making him stay with you on the phone for so long.

“Sadly there’s no news, but I’ll let you know if something happens”

That was a lie, you actually had some good news, actually great news but you didn’t tell him because you wanted to surprise him.

Tomorrow at that very right moment you’d be sitting on a plane.

A few hours ago you’ve received an email which said that the permission you requested was accepted.

This permission allowed you to fly out of the country, and it was only possible because you had a reasonable motive to ask for it. Of course you mainly wanted to come back because you missed your boyfriend, but there were lots of important things you had to take care of in Korea, such as the new job you'd be starting in two months.

“You know what I’ve noticed these past few weeks you haven't been here?” you watched him as he rested his cheek in the palm of his hand.

“Tell me” you copied his action.

“I’ve realized how important it is to me to have you physically here” you raised your eyebrows twice and smirked at him just to tease him.

“You dirty minded” he smiled and tilted his head “but seriously, most of the time when I arrive from work you are always there waiting for me, and now when I get home it just feels so empty, or every time I wake up and turn around I hope to see you there sleeping besides me, but then I remember you are not here, and the list goes on and on” you pouted at his words.

“You don’t have idea how much I miss those things too, and I have something to confess too” he nodded and waited for you to tell him.

“You know how bad my experience with my ex-boyfriend was, sorry to mention him, I won’t go deeper into the subject because you already know but‐” you took a second to breath in before continuing, you always felt a lump in your throat every time you mentioned him. “but what I’m trying to say is that after him I was so afraid to try it again with someone else, I was so scared to get hurt, and then I met you, and you showed me in so many different ways how real love is, of course I’ve experience love before with family or friends, but I’ve never felt the same way I feel with you with anyone else and it’s just so beautiful. You are my safe place Jimin”. You didn’t notice you were tearing up until now.

Jimin couldn’t stop smiling at you. “You are also my safe place babe, I’m trying so hard no to cry right now, shit. I hope you can come back as soon as possible” you let out a chuckle.

“Me too babe, me too..”

———————————————————————————————————————————————

It’s been more than two weeks since you last facetimed Jimin and more than two weeks since you arrived.

You told him your phone fell and your camera stop working so he wouldn’t find out you were already in the same country as him, and it seemed he didn’t suspect anything.

You would phone call him every day anyway.

You wished you could have seen him as soon as you got there, but you were a responsible person and you didn’t think of breaking the safety protocol for covid, you also got tested and the results came negative so now you were more than ready to finally see him.

The only person who knew you were already there was Hoseok, and he had texted you earlier saying that him and Jimin were going to their dorm after practice so you could go and surprise him later.

You were so excited to finally see him, that was for sure.

A few hours later you’ve received the message you were waiting for. Hobi and Jimin were already at the dorm and it was time for you to go.

Hobi told you to let him know when you were there to help you go through security, and that’s what you did as soon as you got there.

He was so fast to welcome you that you were already greeting him with a small hug.

“Jimin is in our room watching videos of cats on his phone, I’ll let you have your moment alone” you couldn’t stop thanking him.

You felt your stomach spinning as you walked in, you were so nervous, but not in a negative way. They were happy nerves if that made sense.

The door was closed and you didn’t know if you should just open the door and run towards him, or knock at the door. You went for the second one because it was the safest considering you can cause him a heart attack.

You knocked five times.

“Come in” you heard him shout but you kept insisting and knocked five more times.

“Hobi hyu‐ WHAT THE HELL?” he opened his eyes so big, like he was trying to see if you were actually standing there in front of him, if you were actually real.

“Surprise!” you opened your arms at him.

He didn’t waste a second and embraced you so tightly and hard that you ended up falling to the floor.

“I can’t believe this is real, am I dreaming right now?” he pinched himself and you couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction, he was so shocked and happy just like you.

“Totally real Park” you kissed him how you could because you weren’t in a really comfortable position.

He deepened the kiss as he helped you to place yourself on top of him. It was so much better now.

He suddenly turned you around and now your back was against the floor.

He started to give you small kissed across all of your face and then he put his arms around you to hold you tight.

You didn’t know for how long you’d stay like that but you did know that neither of you would let go.

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only-johnny-deppp · 3 years

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“Whatever I’ve gone through, I’ve gone through. But, ultimately, this particular arena of my life has been so absurd...”

Johnny Depp’s NEW INTERVIEW!

Last saturday, August 14, The UK Times, released a new interview with Johnny for the Sunday Times section. It was realized sometime earlier this month, in London, probably on the same day he and Andrew Levitas were recording for the Q&A for the “Minamata” release in UK. This is Johnny’s first interview since the UK trials in London last year, and released three years after Johnny’s major interview for the British GQ Magazine. Here Johnny and Andrew Levitas speaks about “Minamata”, his future as actor and a thing or two about his personal life, although he cannot talk about the court case.

For those who couldn’t read yet, here is the FULL interview: Enjoy.

***

“I’M BEING BOYCOTTED BY HOLLYWOOD”

Johnny Depp has a new film out this week. In the opening scene his character, the real-life photographer W Eugene Smith, says, “I’m done. I’m tired. My body is older than I am. I’m always in goddam pain. I can’t trust my f***ing dick any more. Constantly in a foul mood. Even the drugs bore me.”

I ask Depp if Smith’s despair resonated with him. Depp stops. Rocks back and forth. “That’s interesting,” he replies with painful hesitation.

“I didn’t approach playing Smith in that way… Although you bring your toolbox to work and use what is available. Having experienced...” He stops again. Depp takes any questions that might refer to his calamitous libel case last year slowly, in a mumbly, croaking drawl. “A surreal five years…”

In the film Smith needs to revive his reputation. In real life Depp’s task is even more daunting. Thanks to the judgment, everyone can call him a “wife-beater”. Now he must convince a Hollywood still convulsed by #MeToo that he’s not toxic — and that any attempt to rebuild his career is a risk worth taking. This is Depp’s first interview since the case.

We are speaking over Zoom, Depp in his London home, in front of a gold-framed painting. The 58-year-old is wearing a lot of clothes. Earrings. Floppy hat. Sunglasses. Bandana. Scarf. Checked shirt over a T-shirt with an indiscernible slogan. If you saw him on the Tube*, you might think he was off to work at the London Dungeon*, to play most of the characters.

PS. For those who are not familiar with British words: * Tube = British slang for London Underground, the subway trains. * London Dungeon = is a walk-through experience that recreates scenes from London's scary history in a mixture of live actors, special effects and rides.

Depp resumes, talking in broken sentences about the new film, Minamata, in which Smith, via Life magazine, exposes the brutal mercury poisoning of Japanese villagers in the early 1970s.

“How do we do this?” he asks rhetorically, meaning how to speak about the elephant in the Zoom. “Well, there’s no way one can’t recognise the absurdity of the mathematics.” He grins. “If you know what I mean?” No. “Absurdity of media mathematics.” He talks in riddles. “Whatever I’ve gone through, I’ve gone through. But, ultimately, this particular arena of my life has been so absurd...”

He trails off again. He is holding a big brown roll-up of some sort. “What the people in Minamata dealt with? People who suffered with Covid? A lot of people lost lives. Children sick...Ill. Ultimately, in answer to your question? Yeah, you use what you’ve got. But what I’ve been through? That’s like getting scratched by a kitten. Comparatively.”

Last July, I went to the High Court in London to watch Depp on another screen — a video from the socially distanced court where the Hollywood star was losing a libel action against The Sun after it called him a “wife-beater”. It was the grottiest showbiz trial of the century. There were photos of the actor passed out in a foetal slump, socks on show. One lengthy exchange involved faeces. Another urination, inside or outside a house, after a violent night with his ex-wife Amber Heard.

This had all been going on for a while. In 2016 Heard applied for a temporary restraining order against him. The couple had long endured a narcotic, booze-filled, childish relationship, but that does not matter — 12 incidents levelled against Depp were proved, said the judge, and abuse is abuse, regardless of how badly they both behaved. Depp wanted to appeal, but the court said no. Next April in the US he has a $50 million defamation case against Heard relating to an opinion piece she wrote about being the victim of domestic abuse. It may be his last roll of the dice.

In the 1990s Depp was a sensitive heart-throb. Cooler than DiCaprio, edgier than Pitt. In this past year he has been stripped of his status and dignity. On day three of the trial Sasha Wass QC, representing The Sun, asked Depp about daubing a penis on a painting. He could not remember. “That would be quite a big thing, painting a penis on a picture?” Wass asked. “Quite a big thing?” Depp asked.

It was a well-delivered line, but Depp was on show. Performing. Now he is more timid, less lucid. His people say he cannot talk about the court case given the looming US trial, yet it hangs over everything. The director of Minamata, Andrew Levitas, is also on our call — as a pub trivia aside, Levitas is married to the Welsh singer Katherine Jenkins.

The two men clearly get on. “With regards to journalism, it was important for us to put across in the film the power of truth,” Levitas says. Depp nods. “The responsibility of journalists to look after citizens of the world. [Our film] coincided with the moment important publications had to put Raquel Welch on a cover to get enough eyeballs to sell enough ads in order to put something meaningful inside. A result of that is clickbait — it’s destroying the purpose of journalism,” Levitas continues.

“You said it beautifully,” says Depp, one of the world’s most pinned-up men, who built a career on magazine covers. “I couldn’t say it better than that.”

Last month Levitas wrote to MGM, which bought Minamata for the US market but decided not to release it. He accused MGM of being concerned that “the personal issues of an actor in the film could reflect negatively upon them”. Then the letter got really strong. Levitas accused MGM of failing in its “moral obligation” to release the film and said it needed to explain to the victims “why you think an actor’s personal life is more important than their dead children”. He then attached Smith’s photos of ghastly deformities that shocked the world 50 years ago.

“It’s important that the movie gets seen and supported,” Levitas says. “And if I get an inkling it’s not going to be, it’s my responsibility to say so. Where it goes from there? I don’t know. But we have responsibility to these victims . . .”

You can see why he’s passionate. The film is good. MGM bought the film because it is good. Depp is good too. He disappears into the role, far from his more recent pantomime parts. It’s being released worldwide, just not in the actor’s homeland.

Depp, who also produced the film, interrupts. “We looked these people in the eyeballs and promised we would not be exploitative. That the film would be respectful. I believe that we’ve kept our end of the bargain, but those who came in later should also maintain theirs.”

“Some films touch people,” he adds. “And this affects those in Minamata and people who experience similar things. And for anything…” He pauses, as he does. “For Hollywood’s boycott of, erm, me? One man, one actor in an unpleasant and messy situation, over the last number of years?” He trails off. “But, you know, I’m moving towards where I need to go to make all that…” Again, he trails off. “To bring things to light.”

The fact, as I think Depp knows, is that for his career, the court that matters is not one of law, but public opinion. On social media, where a lot of minds are made up, Depp’s good reputation will always outweigh the bad, thanks to his frequently blinkered fans.

Outside the High Court, as Heard arrived, I saw Natasha, 30, yell: “Get hit by a truck, Amber!” She is extreme, but the persistent way his fans demand that others think their idol is a saint shows a career revival will happen. After all, most filmgoers do not follow his private life at all. To them, he is Jack Sparrow, Edward Scissorhands. To them, he is a star — and a star can take an awful lot of heat before it burns out.

“They have always been my employers,” Depp says of his fans. “They are all our employers. They buy tickets, merchandise. They made all of those studios rich, but they forgot that a long time ago. I certainly haven’t. I’m proud of these people, because of what they are trying to say, which is the truth. The truth they’re trying to get out since it doesn’t in more mainstream publications. It’s a long road that sometimes gets clunky. Sometimes just plain stupid. But they stayed on the ride with me and it’s for them I will fight. Always, to the end. Whatever it may be.”

Depp will talk like this for ever — about his “truth”. Minamata is the last film Depp has listed on the industry site IMDb, where actors usually have half a dozen in development. So, yes, fans of the actor can see Depp in a new role now — it is a return, but is it a relaunch? The film was finished in 2019, way before last year’s court case. Is that it? His last film? He thinks and looks off to his bookshelves, at biographies of Betjeman and Olivier.

“Er...no,” he says, eventually. “No. No. Actually, I look forward to the next few films I make to be my first films, in a way. Because once you’ve...Well, look. The way they wrote it in The Wizard of Oz is that when you see behind the curtain, it’s not him. When you see behind the curtain, there’s a whole lot of motherf***ers squished into one spot. All praying that you don’t look at them. And notice them.”

I would ask him to explain, but I am not sure he is an explainer. Watch this space, I guess, but he is already taking a first step back. After we speak, it is announced Depp is getting the coveted Donostia award at the San Sebastian Film Festival next month. Some people are just too famous to fail.

~ Interview by Jonathan Dean, in London, for The Times UK (released on August 14, 2021)

#Johnny Depp #New Interview #Interview #Minamata #Justice For Johnny Depp #I Believe Him #Johnny Depp is Innocent #The Times UK

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bi-bi-buckleydiaz · 4 years

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i think not | owen joyner

requested?; - yes! Owen Joyner x reader - their characters might not be love interests on the show (readers is possibly a new one for Luke/which causes a rift in Juke) but they are in real life and are trying to keep it on the down low especially during cast interviews and with fans.

word count; 2K

warnings; language, yelling but only like two sentences

a/n; I didn’t know how to end it so the ending kinda sucks sorry. also side note, the character the reader plays on jatp is a character I’m planning on writing an x reggie fic with so be on the lookout for that !

that close up tho

You didn’t mean for it to happen.

Not the, relationship, of course. You wanted that to happen. You’ve been wanting that to happen since you were an extra dancer on the first season of Julie and the Phantoms and danced right into Owen on accident during The Other Side of Hollywood. He was sweet about it, of course he was, asking if you were okay when he was the one that got barrelled into. The apology coffee date turned into a movie night at his apartment which then turned into weekly Friday night takeout dates which ultimately turned into Owen blurting out one night that he liked you and wanted to be your boyfriend.

You obviously said yes.

Which brings you to now, two years later filming season two of JatP, except this time you weren’t a dancer, but a recurring character - Delilah Alarie, a 17 year old girl who can hear ghosts, but can’t see them, and forms an unlikely relationship with everyone’s favorite bassist in a ghost band. This is where the problem comes in.

When you and Owen started dating back in 2019, you two decided to keep it on the DL because you both weren’t totally sure where it was going to go. At the time you were both so busy: Owen having his first acting job as an adult so he was getting used to the long hours, and you working what felt like 25/8 to get all the dance routines down pat. So you both just...didn’t tell anyone. That’s not to say people weren’t suspicious. Charlie was present at many movie nights and Tori liked to tease you about you how you’d spend your time between takes staring at the blond drummer and his fidgeting fingers.

Filming wrapped and you planned to announce your relationship at the wrap party, but a certain 19 year old thought it would be smart to get a little wasted and passed out before you could say “hey, we’re dating.” Then, you all went your separate ways and you and Owen didn’t see the need to inform everyone of the relationship, especially because you had to figure out the whole long-distance thing.

Then Covid hit. And there really wasn’t a need because you both were fighting so hard to not get insecure and worried about the hundreds of miles between you two. But you got through it. Between many facetime calls, a spontaneous trip to Hawaii, and one memorable meet up at a halfway point between your two states, you were finally back in each other's arms after the last three months apart. Of course, it was on set, where everyone thinks you’re just friends.

So yeah, there’s a problem. Because you didn’t mean for the secret dating to go on for so long. Life just, happened, and now you two are constantly sneaking around your fellow castmates and trading secret kisses in each other’s trailers and having little rendezvous meetings in the apartment building’s pool after your roommates have fallen asleep. You’re sure Savannah and Tori have heard you sneaking out a few times, but they wisely say nothing. Charlie sleeps like the dead so your certain Owen is in the clear.

It’s not like you two want to keep it a secret. Of course you want to tell your friends, it's just, since it’s gone on for so long you’re scared of what could happen. If they’ll get mad about the sneaking around and the lying.

But alas, you knew the day when the secret would slip out would come. And today just happened to be that day.

Your friends were already starting to get suspicious, you and Owen were starting to lose your subtlety with the sneaking around, and some fans don’t understand the term BOUNDARIES and caught you two outside the apartment building one day. You weren’t doing anything relationship-y, you two were just coming back from a short day on set because you both ended at the same time and were looking forward to some much needed alone time. But you both knew better than to hold hands or kiss in public, which you were glad for that rule when a few girls bombarded Owen when you both walked out of the parking garage to head inside. The girls posted about the interaction online and of course, assumptions were made about why you two were together. The cast brought it up, but you both shut it down. You really thought the secret would be exposed because someone would catch you two together...Owen is not good at keeping his hands to himself despite his own PDA rule.

But no, the secret came to a head because Owen is a big fat st0upid head and got jealous over his best friend.

It started as a normal day. You got up at the last possible minute, Savannah and Tori already eating breakfast in the kitchen, knowing better than to wake you up before your alarm. You ate, showered, changed into comfy clothes for the ride to work. Madi joined you and the other girls that day, now being a little older her dad trusted her to be alone with the older cast members and alone on set for a little while. You jammed out to Doja Cat and HSM because “range, Y/N, range.” Then you arrived on set to Kenny calling you and Madi over for an impromptu meeting before any of you could reach hair and makeup.

“Alright, now that the rest of you guys are here, I have an announcement to make.” You looked around to see that it was just the main four and you, and that’s when trepidation hit. The only scene you knew of today that involved you five was when the boys finally became visible to you, and you and Reggie share a moment. It’s a hug, much like the one Julie and Luke shared in the season one finale. But Kenny had come up to you a few days ago, suggesting adding a little something something. He told you he wasn’t sure yet, had to run it by a few execs, but that Jeremy was okay with it and he wanted to make sure you’d be okay with it too. You had said yes, after all Jeremy was the one married so you were really only worried about how he and Carolynn would feel about the kiss, you didn’t even think about Owen.

That was a mistake.

“So, I ran it by a few execs and of course, our own Delilah and Reggie, and have decided that after their big hug moment, a little kiss would really make the scene and ma -”

“Uh I think not.” It was muttered, but everyone heard it. And everyone froze, Kenny stopping mid sentence to look at the culprit. Owen was looking at his hands, completely oblivious to everyone staring at him. He didn’t even realize he’d said it aloud until Jeremy cut the tension with a little forced chuckle.

“C’mon Owen there’s enough of me to go around.” Everyone chuckled a bit, but Owen froze in his fidgeting, his face going firetruck red and eyes darting over to you.

“Shit. Fuck I said that aloud didn’t I?” He groaned, putting his face in his hands and, before you could stop yourself, you walked up to him.

“Hey. Hey c’mon.” You gently wrapped your hands around his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. “It’s okay.” You expected him to look stressed. Based on his tone of voice you were preparing for a minor panic attack. But when you saw his face, all you saw was anger. It shocked you, causing you to stumble back a bit.

“You knew about this?” And okay, yeah, you also expected a bit of that. But not to this caliber.

“Owen I -”

“No. No you knew and didn’t tell me? Didn’t think to mention that you’d be kissing one of my best friends? What the hell Y/N?” You flinched, not used to Owen being this angry and loud.

“Owen, buddy, hey. Let’s just -” Charlie started, trying to diffuse the situation having noticed you flinching.

“No! This isn’t a ‘calm down’ thing. This is a “my girlfriend lied to me” thing and I’m very upset about it!” And whoop...there it is.

“Owen...”

“God just, really Y/N?” Then he walks away, leaving you surrounded by your confused friends. It’s silent for a few seconds, everyone taking in what just happened.

“Um...I know this probably a really bad time to bring this up but uh...y’all owe me twenty bucks each,” Charlie said. Then everyone started talking at one. Kenny apologizing for not knowing, Madi berating Charlie for the bad timing, Charlie firing back that Owen is just being dramatic, and Jeremy consoling you with Kenny. His hand on your back jump starts you into action. You quickly excuse yourself to make your way to Owen’s trailer, knowing that’s probably where he stormed off too.

You don’t knock when you get there, just walk in, making sure to lock it behind you. Owen is there on the couch, elbows on his knees and head in his hands.

“Owen Joyner what the hell was that?” That’s not what you had wanted to say. You were going to be nice and ease into it. But he yelled first and now you're anxious and stressed and upset. He sighs heavily and looks up at you, eyes red and glassy with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry. I - Y/N I didn’t mean to freak. I realized halfway here that was not the way to go. I’m so -” You cut him off by pushing him back and crawling into his lap.

“It’s okay. It’s okay I should’ve - I shouldn’t’ve just yelled and I definitely should have told you when Kenny proposed the idea I just got so caught up in the fact it’d be my first on screen kiss and it’d be with a married man who’s in quite possibly the cutest relationship ever and I was worried about -”

“You’re rambling babe,” Owen says with a smile. It’s a soft thing, one that makes your insides all mushy and your heart starts beating a little faster. “It’s okay. I mean, I would’ve liked to have found out earlier and not in front of our friends - oh my God! I just completely exposed us didn’t I? Oh God!” He whimpers out a whine and leans his head forward onto your shoulder. You giggle at the blonde beneath you, running your hands through his hair as he pinches your sides for the laugh.

“Babe, I’m pretty sure they already knew.” Owen whips his head up at that, eyebrows furrowed.

“Charlie mentioned everyone owes him twenty so, i’m pretty sure they were betting on when we’d tell them.” Owen groans and grumbles at that, throwing his head back in a dramatic way to convey his fake frustration. He brings his head back center and smiles softly again at you.

“I will make sure to steal it from him tonight. That’s our money babe.” You giggle into the kiss he places onto your lips. You two sit there for a few more minutes, exchanging kisses and trading affirmations of love. After a final kiss, one that’s full of passion and heat, you decide to head back to set.

You walk into the stage with the studio hand-in-hand, smiles on your faces. Madi squeals when she sees you both, running over to hug you.

“Yay yay! I knew you’d work it out and now I have another couple to fangirl over. Yay!” You hug the small girl back before she bounces over to give Owen the same treatment.

“Congrats bro,” Charlie says with a smile, clapping a hand on Owen’s back and ruffling your hair up. Jeremy smiles at you two, hugging you both as well.

“Congrats you two, now can we get back to the meeting? You two dating is old news. Like, 2019 old. But congrats on finally announcing it!” You look at Kenny in shock for a second, before bursting out into laughter, everyone around you following suit. Owen squeezes your hand three times and you look back over at him. You both shoot each other a small smile.

It’s gonna be okay.

#owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #owen joyner imagine #owen joyner x reader #owen joyner fanfiction #owen joyner x y/n #owen patrick joyner imagine #owen patrick joyner x reader #owen patrick joyner x y/n #owen patrick joyner fanfiction #jatp #jatp fanfic #jatp fanfiction #jatp imagine #jatp x reader

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fanficsunflower · 4 years

Text

It's Been Too Long! Jonah Marais x Reader

It’s Been Too Long - Jonah Marais x Reader

Request: None

Summary: Y/N facetimes Jonah while he and the boys are in the studio at Daniel’s. Little do they know, Y/N is on their way to the studio to surprise them!

Warnings: long-distance relationship, massive amounts of fluff, first-person POV, mild cursing

It was about 12p in LA when I rang Jonah’s phone, knowing he would be in Daniel’s studio with the rest of the guys. The plan was to pretend I was on my way to a class and sneak into the studio to surprise them—all of them except Daniel, that is. Since he helped me plan this. I’d been texting him all day, trying not to get caught by the boys. We’d already been caught by Franny, who was quite possibly more excited than Dani was, but I was more excited than the two of them combined. I hadn’t seen Jonah in months due to COVID restrictions closing LAX.

When COVID began, we weren’t too phased by the time apart since we were already long distance; but the longer it dragged on, the harder it got to be apart. It helped that he had more time to call me, but calls weren’t nearly as good as being in his arms.

So when COVID restrictions let up in California, I started quarantining immediately. I only going to classes online, ordering groceries for delivery, and even having a remote appointment with my therapist rather than seeing them in person. And it was all for this moment!

As the LAX train started to move towards baggage claim, I hit the call button under Jonah’s contact.

His bright smile was the first thing I saw when he picked up.

“Hey, baby! Where are you?” He asked, looking around me, confused.

“I’m on the bus, babe,” I said through my Why Don’t We mask he’d sent me, “My car broke down yesterday, and I have a class in person today.”

His smile returned as I ‘explained’.

“Oh, okay, will it be fixed soon?”

“Yeah, I had it towed to the shop, and it’ll be back up and running and a few days. Are you in the studio?”

His smile turned into a grin as he started telling me what they were working on that day. He was always so excited to tell me what went on in the studio that day, and I always loved hearing about it. His beautiful eyes always shimmered when he got excited, and I could listen to him talk for hours. Hell, I had before multiple times.

I was knocked out of my thoughts when the train started to slow down, and I nearly fell from the force. Jonah began laughing, knowing how clumsy I was.

“I swear I need to wrap you in pillows sometimes,” he laughed.

“It’s not that bad,” I said before he gave me a knowing eyebrow raise, “Ok, maybe it is that bad, but not always!”

We laughed again as the doors opened, and I grabbed my backpack, making my way to the luggage claim.

“That looks like an airport, babe. What bus did you take?”

I bit my lip from behind my mask. Lying to Jonah was more challenging than I thought it would be.

“Did I say bus? I took the Metro Link. IDK if y’all have a metro where you are, but it’s basically just the subway I’m headed to get a taxi now,” I replied. He gave me another eyebrow raise before nodding.

“Just be safe, okay?”

“Of course, love,” I smiled at him through my mask, forgetting that he couldn’t see, but he smiled back at me.

“You know me so well,” I giggled as he smiled at me again.

“Yeah, I do. Also, the boys are here if you wanna say ‘hi’?”

“Of course!”

He flipped the camera so I could see the rest of the studio. Jack and Daniel were sat at the computer with Corbyn standing behind them, all three wearing headphones. Zach sat next to where Jonah was seated and waved to the camera.

“Hi Y/N!” Zach shouted, more to get the other boys’ attention than anything else. It worked, and all three turned around, taking off their headphones and waving.

“Hey, Y/N/N!”

“Aye, Y/N!”

“Yoooooo, how are you?”

“I’m good! Just heading to a class right now,” I laughed. Each guy started talking all at once, mainly to each other. I chimed in once in a while, but I was more focused on spotting my suitcase. When I saw it rolling down the conveyer belt, I walked over, grabbed it, and started making my way to the taxis.

“Why do you have a suitcase, Y/N/N,” Corbyn questioned. I groaned internally. How do I explain this one?

“Didn’t you say you had some project due today?” Daniel saved me from answering.

“Yeah, I did. It’s a big project; that’s why I have to go in today.”

Damnit Corbyn…

“Ummm….it’s on uh, the stages of child development.”

“Ooh cool, show us when you’re done? Sounds interesting.”

“Sure, Corbs. Hold on, guys, I gotta get in this taxi.” I set my phone on the seat as I loaded my bags into the car. I could hear the guys talking about something they were working on as Kobe barked in the background. Daniel grabbed the cute pup as I picked up the phone again and got in the car. I had no idea how they hadn’t caught on yet, but I was not questioning their obliviousness.

As the car started its way to Daniel’s house, I listened quietly to the boys as they chattered on about music and when they could play live again. As the conversation turned towards me again, we talked about what we’d do when I could finally come out to LA. I could barely keep my excitement contained as we came up with ideas that ranged from going to the beach to making music together. Eventually, the car pulled up outside Daniel’s house, and I thanked the driver, paying him and gathering my things. Daniel left the room as I got up to the front door, saying he was going to the bathroom. Seconds later, I hung up, telling everyone goodbye right as Daniel opened the door. I took off my mask and gave him a huge hug.

“God, I missed you,” Dani laughed into my hair, “It’s boring here without you.”

“Who else is gonna keep y’all out of trouble, eh?” We laughed as he grabbed my suitcase from behind me.

“Oh, I can get it, Dani.”

“Nah, Y/N/N, gotta show off these guns,” He flexed, and we chuckled quietly so the others wouldn’t hear us.

“You left Kobe in the studio, right?”

“Yeah, otherwise they’d know you were here in seconds.”

“True. Thanks for covering for me earlier, by the way. Great thinking, I dunno what I would’ve said, but it would’ve definitely tipped them off.”

“No problem, I know you suck at lying” Daniel grinned at me, setting down my suitcase in the hall.

When we reached the studio, Daniel went in first so the guys wouldn’t think anything was up. I waited maybe a minute before sneaking into the room. Corbyn and Jonah were sat at the computer with headphones on, so they didn’t notice me come in. Zach and Jack saw me immediately, but I help my finger to my lips, silently telling them not to say anything as I snuck up behind Jonah. I covered his eyes with my left hand, pulling off his headphones with my right.

“Guess who?”

Jonah whipped around, the headphones falling off, and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. Corbyn turned around, smiling as everyone cheered. When Jonah finally loosened his grip on me and looked up, he had tears welling up in his beautiful eyes.

“I missed you so fucking much, baby,” He whispered, standing up to kiss me. An echoing “Awwww” came from the rest of the room, and Jonah flipped them off, tightening his grip around me. Laughter erupted from all of us as I broke the kiss and waved the rest of the boys over to join in on the hug.

Corbyn took off his headphones, standing to join the hug from behind me as Jack, Zach, and Daniel followed suit, piling on top of Jonah and me. The sweet moment didn’t last, though, because Zach, intending to poke me, poked Corbyn in the side, who yelped in surprise. We all laughed as we pulled back from the hug, and Corbyn attacked Zach, capturing him in a chokehold.

“Not the hair! Not the hair!” Zach jokingly yelled at Corbyn, who eventually let him go after successfully messing up Zach’s hair. As Zach attempted to fix his hair and Daniel sat back down at the computer with Corbyn to play me the song they’d been working on, Jonah led me back to sit on the couch next to Jack, who ruffled my hair.

“We really missed you, Y/N. How long are you gonna be here?” Jack asked. At that, all the boys turned to me, waiting on my answer.

“Well, since I can do all of my classes online, I’m here as long as you’ll have me!”

The boys’ smiles grew, and they cheered again, starting to talk about what we’d do while I was here. I snuggled into Jonah, who had his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re here, baby. I missed you so much,” Jonah said, smiling at me. I grinned back at him.

“Me too, baby, me too.”

A/N- Should I do a steamy part 2?

#jonah marias x reader #jonah marais #why don’t we #why don’t we x reader #zach herron #daniel seavey #jack avery #corbyn besson #imagines #x reader #fan fiction

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vtforpedro · 3 years

Text

long, long health update - tw in tags please read them

I am going to speak very frankly about suicidal ideation; please don't read further if this is triggering for you ;3; but please know that I love you I had my follow-up appt with my neuropsych on monday to go over my results and whatnot. it was virtual, and I was in the middle of a head episode and I told her I wasn't doing well, but within about 5-10 minutes, she was saying I should probably go to the ER lkajflaj I guess it looked pretty bad lmao anyway I told her all the reasons I couldn't. medical trauma, being dismissed b/c I have doctors who manage my headaches, and I know it's not life-threatening even if it is 10/10 agonizing, so why are you here. they're so dismissive. she said that they have medication to possibly help break the cycle of constant migraines but I've been treated with those before and they didn't do shit migraines are secondary to iih. it's the iih that needs to be fixed ._. she said I still deserved to not suffer and that the ER is very strict about keeping covid patients away from other patients and I didn't have the heart to tell her they intubated a covid patient 10-15 feet away from me last time I was in an ER 😭 anyway so the results. she said she wasn't worried about anything going on that was concerning or indicating something wrong in my brain. I DID score quite a bit lower for someone my age on information processing (which is exactly what I said I was struggling with to my two neuros who were both like ehhh) and some issues with memory but they weren't super specific and so it could be something neurological, could be my migraines and constant agony lmao, could be my Emotional State. could be all of them at once, I suppose ;) she went into more detail about some of these things but it was the two questionnaires I filled out that were HNNN. so once all the data is entered from like 300 questions it shows a good look into my personality and perceptions and all that and it makes a cool little graph (OR SO I THOUGHT). the kind that looks like mountain peaks. so she points at the one that is waaay higher than the rest and nearly touching the top of the box and she's like 'do you see this one' me: yeah 😬 her: this is your feelings and ideations about suicide me: 😬 😩 😬 her: when I see a score this high, I stop what I'm doing and I call the police to have them escort you to a hospital me: 😬😬😬😬😬 her: but I didn't do that. because when we spoke in office you told me you felt this way and why you don't do it. you told me it's something you've lived with for a long time and the pain you are suffering is what makes it so bad. and I trust you me: 😭😭😭 okay her: do you see this line down here? this is people who have suicidal ideation recorded on this test. you scored 98% higher on suicidal ideation compared to people reporting suicidal ideation HNNNNNN. she said it probably wasn't surprising to me and asked me if I was safe again and all that. I assured her I was and said in my previous appointment; I've had suicidal thoughts since I was like 12? maybe earlier. there have been very few times in my life not surrounded by abuse and trauma so I'm never really free of it. I've had four traumatic incidents causing increasingly horrible episodes of ptsd in nine years. all through my 20s. still here woo, lol and she said she knew that and had a patient not long after my first appointment who had similar circumstances in their life. and they told her it's almost a comfort having it. cause I was saying it's in the back of my mind at all times and I won't do it, but yeah, it's always there. anyway she said they said the same thing; it's always there, always in the background as 'hey I'm an option!' even though we aren't going to harm ourselves. it's a comfort knowing there is an option even if we plan on never using it? idk it just spoke to me and I felt it in my soul we talked about some emotional stuff after and I cried and it was a thing. it felt really good to speak to a psychologist who, just as she was in the first appointment, seemed genuinely concerned and wanted to help

me. I told her I was ready for therapy and she said she'd already looked for therapists for me lkasjdlkja and gave me a group that I emailed yesterday. I don't think they'll take my insurance but she said to message her through the portal if they don't and she'll try to find someone who does I don't remember if I mentioned it, but since she knew about the head shit before I met her, she dimmed her office lights without asking if I needed it and like as soon as we started the virtual visit, she leaped up and dimmed them and said she should've thought about it before the appt 😭 (I keep my brightness really low on my computer and use the warming feature 24/7 on comp and phone and my apt is really dimmed but it still helped a lot when she did it) she kept saying 'you did nothing wrong. it was the choice of others to do what they did. you don't deserve to carry their choices. you deserve to be able to hand it back to them. you don't deserve to be in pain. you did nothing wrong. you deserve to be free of what they did and you deserve to not suffer in such physical pain' I'm so wary of doctors but I really like her and I feel fortunate to have been referred to her ;3; speaking for a long time and especially emotionally is hard for me, so I might try to do two sessions a month once I find a therapist and see if I'm ok with that. trying to keep everything virtual while delta is out there I read her report and her official diagnosis is uhh really strong for major depressive disorder, severe. and severe ptsd with disassociative symptoms so!!! I claimed both of those on my disability application and the person handling my claim told me when I had this appt to call and let her know because she wanted the info. I signed a release the day I was there when I told my neuropsych that cause MH stuff is different than other medical records. she said she faxed it to the woman handling my disability application but I was gonna call her and ask if she received it and also tell her I have a new neuro so she will probably request his stuff too I called today and her voicemail box is full so lol try again later today's been awful. last night was horrible. got a bill for over $800 from my colonoscopy/endoscopy even though I asked numerous times if insurance was covering it and was told yep, every penny. so I was on the phone with insurance and the surgery center for 45 minutes. insurance seemed confused af but the agent I spoke with got some help from people who handle this stuff I guess finally she told me not to pay it, they're going to send them a letter to get it sorted (idk if this means I won't have to pay it at all or if they're going to try to make it that way. but I think govt insurance, which is what I have, works differently. like doctors kinda have to follow what they say vs. the other way around) and not worry about it for the next 30 days. I'm still gonna worry about it lmao they used a nice scare tactic on the bill that this was the 'LAST AND FINAL NOTICE' despite the fact they've never sent me anything else. my mom and the insurance agent said nah that's just what they do to scare people into paying fuckin love america <3 land of the free. the american dream! greatest country on earth 💜🖕💜 I just don't want it to go to collections and have to fight credit bureaus to get it off my credit so it's not destroyed |: anyway my head hit like 10/10 bad while I was on the phone cause of the talking a lot and trying to PROCESS INFORMATION and stress and also the fucking hold music, which I have to hear in some way b/c I gotta know when they're back on the line hnnnnn bad day. it's 1pm and bad, bad, bad day. bad month all around. I want this shit to stop anyway. I'm sorry about the suicidal ideation talk, but it's important to talk about that stuff. it can get severe but it can also get better. it does, eventually, even if it comes and goes. it always does get better I'm sorry, I also really needed to get this down somewhere. feel like I'm going to explode emotionally AND physically and I need to talk about it. hopefully

soon I'll have a therapist to talk to so I can get a lot of this stuff worked on. got my whole life to chat about so it'll probably take a long time but I'm willing to let it lmao therapy doesn't usually work for me anymore but idk I've had a lot of shit happen in less than two years so maybe it will this time I'm trying! I really am trying if you read this rambling monster, thank you. love you all and please stay safe

#vtforpedro personal #tw suicidal thoughts #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide #tw mental health #tw depression #tw anxiety #tw mental illness #personal #medical #also she is obligated by law to report suicide risks and right now that's to the police so I can't blame her for that #we desperately need crisis intervention rather than fucking asshole cops but that's just what it is right now

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immergladsss · 3 years

Text

Moonacre Week 2021

Day 1: Zoom/Video Call

On AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31641653

“For next class, please read chapter 9 and be ready to discuss the social and political impact of the Norman Conquest on England—and don't forget, your essays are due this Friday. Have a wonderful day and stay safe!”

Maria watched, unblinking, as square after black square disappeared from the virtual ‘room’. Not even the professor had their camera on.

‘This meeting has been ended by the host.’

The zoom window finally closed.

Maria blinked.

4:56 pm read the time centered against the starlit wallpaper of her Mac book screen. She turned to look at her planner that was strewn over her bed.

No more classes for the day.

Maria fell back onto her bed with a groan. She rubbed her dry eyes, not caring one bit that she was smearing the little make-up she coaxed herself into putting on that morning.

“ 'Dress the part’ they said. ‘It'll make you feel normal’ they said,” Maria mumbled to herself.

She didn't feel normal, all she felt was drained. It was the start of her second year at university… and well over six months into a pandemic that showed no signs of stopping.

She raised her iphone. 4:57 pm. The locking screen was of her family. A picture taken the day of her nephew’s first birthday, December 2019. Georgie was centered in the picture, sitting between her uncle Benjamin and Loveday. Maria stood next to her uncle, leaning over his shoulder, while Ms. Heliotrope, their nanny, was by her side with an arm around her back. To Loveday’s other side was Loveday’s father, Mr. De Noir, and her brother, Robin.

Maria wiped her eyes with the hem of her t-shirt. It felt like an eternity since she last saw them. She missed them. Unlike her roommates, she didn’t move back home at the beginning of lockdown. She had just started an internship, one that was supposed to go well into the summer. Yet only 3 months later, she and the rest of the interns were dismissed, with promises to still receive full class credits.

With public transportation being the only way to get home, she didn’t want to risk her or her family’s safety. Yet day after day, her longing for home depressingly grew like the number of covid cases.

María turned on her side and clicked her laptop back on. She opened her FaceTime app and typed in Loveday’s name.

She propped herself on her elbow and began the call. As she waited, she grimaced at her disheveled appearance. Her red curls were in a messy bun, black mascara smeared around her eyes, her university-themed t-shirt was slipping over her shoulder. The very picture of a work-from-home student.

Lately, she and Loveday had begun a new game, ‘Fashion: Covid’. They would jokingly judge each other's "outfit”, as well as the rest of the family’s, as though they were judges on Project Runway or Next in Fashion. Maria smiled. She couldn't wait to see what Loveday would tease her about today.

“Maria!” A husky voice greeted, “It's been a while—”

Her eyes flew open as she slammed her laptop shut.

She scrambled out of bed and ran to her bathroom, stumbling over her laptop’s charging cables. Maria washed her face with cold water and soap, doing nothing more than smearing her make-up.

“Oh bugger...” Maria pried open her mirror cabinet, spilling some products as she grabbed her make-up remover. ‘What was Robin doing at the Manor?’ Maria hastily squirted the remover onto the cotton ball, splashing some on her shirt and cursing under her breath. She scrubbed her eyes, ignoring the sting of the remover seeping in.

She rinsed off her face. Grabbing her hand towel, she rubbed her face dry, and ran back to her room, diving right into her bed.

She opened her laptop. 5:01 pm. ‘Crap’. she took longer than she intended. Maria redialed Loveday, hoping he would still be there.

“Maria, what happened?” Loveday answered the phone. Her blond curls were tucked into a fish-tail braid that draped over her shoulder. She was wearing her uncle’s faded brown jumper from his university days.

“Hi Loveday… sorry my internet went down for a bit. You know how it is.”

Loveday nodded with a frown. “Your face looks a bit red, are you running a fever?”

“No, I—”

“Fever?” She heard Ms. Heliotrope shriek from the back. Maria was startled as Loveday’s camera began to shake, before finally settling a bit too close to Ms. Heliotrope’s face.

“Oh, my goodness, Maria you’re red! I must go to you at once!”

“Ms. Heliotrope, I’m fine! I just washed my face.”

Ms. Heliotrope narrowed her eyes, bringing the phone so close to her face that Maria could only see her forehead.

“I don’t believe you. If I take a plane, I can be there by the end of the day.”

“Hang on! Look, I’ll prove it.” Maria climbed out of bed and pulled out the thermometer gun her family had sent in a care package. Sitting back down in front of the camera, she pointed the gun to her head.

Beep. 36 C.

“See, I’m healthy. Besides, it’s much too dangerous for you to travel.”

Ms. Heliotrope looked crestfallen, almost as though she wished she had a reason to be with Maria. “Hmm… Alright my dear. Make sure you check your temperature every day and report to us any symptoms. Please take care and let me know if you need anything! I love you and miss you dearly.”

“I will Ms. Heliotrope, I love and miss you too.” Maria waved goodbye as the phone was passed back to Loveday, but her uncle intercepted it, planting a quick kiss on Loveday’s head as he took the phone from her grasp.

“Maria,” came her uncle’s gruff voice. Even during a pandemic, he was dressed smartly with his hair neatly combed. “How are you doing? Do you need anything?”

“Hello uncle, I'm alright, thank you though. The care package you sent is not yet half empty.”

“Good, good. Only say the word and I’ll go pick you up myself. We miss you.”

“I miss you too but it’s too risky.”

“It’s worth the risk if it's to have you back with us.”

Maria’s heart ached. “Thank you, uncle, I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

Finally, the phone was handed back to Loveday. “I’d ask how you were doing but it seems everyone’s done so already.” Loveday chatted away, telling Maria about how bored they’ve been. How Marmaduke’s cooking expanded to include various intricate pastries and bread. She recounted with a laugh how only Wrolf and Georgie seemed to love their constant presence. Though Maria laughed and nodded her head to Loveday’s words, her eyes kept darting to the background trying to see if she could spot him. Loveday grew quiet, she watched Maria with a raised brow and crooked smile, waiting to see how long until Maria noticed.

“Oh, er sorry Loveday, I don’t think I heard you. Were you waiting on my response?”

“Its alright, it seems you’re looking for someone else?”

“No, no…” Maria said sheepishly, “but earlier, Robin answered the phone. He’s back?”

“Yes love. He returned about a month ago but was quarantining at the castle. He’s now running errands and getting groceries for both of our families. I always offer to help, but he insists, and you know how he gets.” Loveday bit her growing grin. “Do you want to talk to him? He’s playing with Georgie at the moment.”

“Sure, why not,” Maria tried to say nonchalantly. Though she never outright confessed to him, her childhood crush on Robin was no secret. But with four years her senior, Robin always brushed off any comments made about them, saying she was just his best friend. Once he compared her to a little sister. That one stung. Though Maria tried to grow out of it, even having a few boyfriends through her teens, that never stopped Loveday from trying to set them up.

The camera turned black momentarily before turning back on. They were in the parlor now. Robin was on the floor, playing with Georgie and his action figures. Maria’s heart warmed.

His hair was much longer and held up in a messy bun much like hers, though she hated to admit he looked better in it. He wore a black t-shirt with faded black ripped jeans. There were a couple of black and silver chain bracelets on his wrist.

“Oh Robiiin,” Loveday teasingly called. “Seems like someone misses and wants to talk to you.”

“Loveday stop playing!” Maria hissed under her breath, feeling her cheeks grow warm.

Robin jogged over to the phone with a merry grin on his face. Loveday flipped the camera back around, blew a kiss at Maria with a wink, and passed the phone to Robin.

“Hey,” Robin greeted. “Cleaned your face?”

“No!” Maria lied against the growing blush.

“It’s alright princess, not all of us can look as good as I did in smeared eyeliner.”

“Oh please, you mean that emo phase you went through?”

Robin stilled. The corners of his mouth turned up into a faint smile. He shut his eyes as he threw his head back and clutched Georgie’s toy like a microphone. “I got your picture! I'm coming with you! Dear Maria count me in!” Robin sang at the top of his voice.

“Oh god no! Not that song again! You were so annoying! I’ll hang up if you don’t stop right now!” Maria threatened through Robin’s laughter.

“It wasn’t a phase. It was a lifestyle! I’m thinking of bringing it back. Reckon I’ll look better with it now.”

“Ugh, your ego has grown along with your hair.”

“Wouldn’t yours too if you looked this good in a bun?”

“Please, I’ve seen better.”

“Oh yeah, name a few.”

“Chris Hemsworth, Ben Barnes, Jason Mamoa, Orlando Bloom, Timothée Chalamet—”

“Alright, alright, I get it. And please don’t get me started on that Chalemutwat. Such a sap, can’t believe that’s what girls are into nowadays.”

“You're just sore you don't fit the profile anymore. Face it Robin, the rock and leather days are long gone. It's all about k-pop and softbois now.”

“Softboys are just fuckboys with flowers in their hair,” Robin grumbled in disgust.

Maria snorted, thinking about the time he wore a flower crown for a May Day festival. “So, I heard you got back a month ago?”

Robin was walking out of the manor. She could see the setting blue sky and moving landscape in his background. “Yeah… The parks closed down. Figured it was time to come back home. I’m surprised you aren’t here.”

“Aww miss me?”

Robin shrugged his shoulders and looked away. “Want to see the gardens?” Robin flipped the camera, showing her around the manor grounds. As he walked her through, he talked of how covid affected his job. The craziness of people. How some thought escaping to the outdoors was the solution, only to end up trampling on preserved wildlife and littering about.

Maria had settled down, resting her cheek on the palm of her hand, she wore a wistful look across her face with a soft smile. Robin paused. His eyes focused on the screen, and he swallowed.

“Such a shame that happened to the park,” Maria said. “I’d be heartbroken if something like that happened to your forest.”

Robin cleared his throat, “Erm-yeah. Really annoying.” He forced his eyes back to the gardens as he continued on his way.

The camera stopped moving as he sat by a tree and flipped the camera back on him.

“You got an earring?” Maria asked leaning closer to the screen.

“Yeah, was thinking about it for a while.”

“Ooh! Show it to me.”

He brought the phone close, it was a black stud, with a charm of a red feather.

“I like it.”

“Looks good on me, eh?”

“Bring that ego down a notch and then we’ll see. How’s your father, I’m guessing he had to stop with his falconry lessons?”

“Yes, we shut down the school temporarily. The castle feels lonely.”

“I’ve always wanted to learn.”

“Really? I’ll teach you when you get here.”

“Okay! Oh, I took up archery—Well before covid shut it down.”

“No way.”

“Yeah, I can teach you that!”

“Sounds like a deal,” Robin paused, “are you really not coming back soon?”

“Oh, I don’t know. What if lockdown ends?”

“Don’t bet on it. Words going around it’ll be like this until the vaccine comes out. Give it another six months, maybe a year.”

“A year?”

“Yep.”

“Bloody hell.”

Robin frowned. “When did you start cursing?”

“I’ve learned a thing or two at uni. Even got drunk!” Maria said with a proud grin.

Robin’s face fell. “When was this? Who were you with?”

“Oh, lay off. You’ve gotten drunk plenty of times. Don’t forget about that time you broke your arm after trying to climb my tower.”

“That’s not the problem. You’re tiny. Were you with trusted people? Who took you home?”

“Relax birdboy, I was with friends. We went to a pub. I got tipsy, not black-out drunk. My roommates and I walked ourselves home. I didn’t even have a hangover. And I’m not tiny, I’m average.”

“Just barely,” Robin said with a snort though he seemed to relax back against the tree. “Never, ever, get drunk without someone you truly trust. And remember the pack rule. People are shifty.”

“I know, I know. I still remember your lesson before I left for school. Besides with this pandemic, doubt that’ll be happening anytime soon.” Maria told him about school. The weird things she’s seen on her classmate’s cameras. How everyone seemed to care less and less. She was over it all.

“You should just come back to Moonacre. Study from here. Even my friends are back, they’ve been helping me fly the falcons.”

“The gangs back too? So not fair. I miss them,” Maria whined. “I want to, but it’s too dangerous. My uncle’s the only one working right now, and the upkeep of that old manor is so expensive. I can’t risk their health. If I could get home safely, I would be there in a heartbeat.”

Robin got pensive. “Alright. Well, hopefully I’ll see you soon.”

Maria rolled her eyes. “I just told you that’s not likely. I already feel bad enough as it is. Don’t rub it in.”

Robin shrugged his shoulders, “Never say never. I should let you go now, it's late and Loveday’s phone is about to die.”

Maria pouted, surprised to see the clock in the corner of her screen read 8:47 pm. “Wow, we don’t speak for ages and you’re already wanting to hang up. I see how it is.”

Robin shook his head with a chuckle and a sad look across his eyes. “You know that’s not the case,” he said softly.

“I know. I’m only teasing. Good night Robin. I…I miss you.”

“Good night princess. I miss you too.”

The screen turned black. Instead of Robin’s face, she now sat staring at her own glum reflection.

8:49 pm.

She closed her laptop and stared at the photo collage above her desk. Pictures of her adventures with friends and family adorned the board. In the middle was one of her and Robin competing in a race at that May Day Festival. Still wearing the flower crown, Robin was giving her a piggyback ride. She was laughing. They lost after Maria freaked out when a bee landed on a flower in front of her nose, causing Robin to trip. It was the last thing they did before her leaving to school.

Sitting back up, she opened up her essay and began to type. Wondering when she would see him and her family again.

…A few weeks later…

A resounding knock came from the door. Maria frowned. She hadn’t ordered dinner yet… It was probably some package getting delivered. Shrugging her shoulders, she went back to work, deciding to deal with it later... Until the knocking came again. Then her phone lit up. Maria glanced at the screen, wondering who could be calling: Robin.

#moonacreweek2021 #incorrect-quotes-of-moonacre #theres supposed to be a second part to this... but i havent finished it #oops #the secret of moonacre #robin x maria #modern au #covid-19 #pandemic #marias bored #all time low #dear maria #i totally think robin had an emo phase #and he works the man bun #this was fun #i wish i could participate more #the prompts are soooo good #the possibilities

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passionate-hedgehog · 4 years

Text

Sweatshirt

Summary: Y/n gained more than an office when she was promoted to a main writer for Mythical Entertainment.But while she’s celebrating the new aspects of her job, her boyfriend seems to be crumbling.

Pairing: Damien Haas x Reader

Word count: 4584

Warnings: None

A/N: When I wrote this, I was really just wanting to write a story about how a hoodie exposed a Damien x Reader relationship and then I added some angst because...entertainment, ya know? But at the time I’m posting this fic, I’ve had gone through almost losing my job because of state health mandates due to COVID. I found out that my restaurant thoroughly respects my work ethic and my schedule will remained unchanged. But working an entire shift unsure if I’ll be returning...or if I’ll see any of my coworkers that I’ve come to know as family ever again? I was able to relate to this a lot more than I thought I would. I’m not downplaying anyone that goes through uncertain things, especially during 2020. But I hope it can help a little bit.

Y/n’s morning had been one for the books. She ran into her boyfriend’s former boss, Ian Hecox, at her favorite coffee shop while wearing a hoodie she DEFINITELY wasn’t meant to be sporting. The item had been a part of an unreleased merch line for SMOSH. They had been planning on announcing it the week after Defy, SMOSH’s parent company, had unfortunately shut down. Select cast and crew had been gifted with the limited stock, and Y/n had discovered it in her boyfriend’s closet just minutes before she ran out the door to get to the coffee shop.

Ian, a man she had yet to be introduced to before that morning, had been polite but concerned about how she had the item in the first place. She wanted to give the simple answer that her boyfriend of four months, Damien Haas, didn’t know she took it from his closet that morning. But Damien being in a relationship hadn’t been general knowledge to many people yet, and she didn’t want to put him in that position. He had been trying to work past his SMOSH days and focusing on future endeavors. She didn’t want to reconnect dots that he had worked so hard to disconnect. After reassuring the man that she did not, in fact, legitimately steal it and that the owner never wore it out in public, she apologized for wearing it and promised to remove it once she got to her destination.

When Y/n made it to work, she was greeted with the two head-writing team members sporting nearly creepy smiles aimed at her. She narrowed her eyes at them and immediately grew suspicious. The writers, Nick and Ellie, pulled her down the hallway towards the various offices and stopped in front of a single closed door. Ellie stood off to the side of the door but grasped at the handle.

“Congrats on your promotion!” She winked and pushed the door open, letting Y/n look thoroughly into the room.

“Is this...do I have my own… what?!” Y/n looked between Ellie and the room. “What??”

“Rhett and Link, and the rest of us, agreed that since you’ve been promoted to a main writer position AND you’ve been handling a lot of other projects that go beyond your job description, you should have the space fitting for it. They have a new investment that you’ll be working with.” Ellie moved to stand by her fellow head writer, Nick.

“Trust us. You’ll need this space. You’re about to have your hands full.” Was all Nick supplied, as cryptic as it was. “There’s a meeting in 20 minutes. You won’t have to worry about being late now that you’re so close to the main offices. See you in a few!”

The duo walked away and left Y/n to take in what happened entirely.

“My own office?” She wondered as she finally took her first steps into her own space. There was a desk, a chair, the same kind of desktop that is used in the other offices, and room for her personal touch. She had dreamt of her own office, and she finally had it. Y/n took out her phone and noted she had enough time to grab her meeting materials from her bag, and decided to make it to the meeting early.

-------------------------

The meeting had left the writer confused. Mythical had purchased SMOSH, her boyfriend’s former employer. It was a happy thing. She knew it was a happy thing. Damien had walked her down memory lane when Defy had shut down, and he found himself at home more than he wanted to be. It had been therapeutic for him. But he eventually decided to leave those memories there in the past. And now she was hit with the dilemma of whether or not she should tell him. Would she even be allowed to tell him?

“Hey, Babe!” Damien’s voice called from the doorway.

Y/n looked up from her desktop, all inner turmoil disappearing when she saw her boyfriend’s smiling face. “Hey! How’d you find me?”

“Nick walked me down here.” The brunette let himself into the office and sat in the chair across from his girlfriend. “This is so cool. You didn’t tell me you were getting an office. We could have gone to Target and grabbed some cute things.”

“It was a surprise. I didn’t know about it until I got here this morning. Oh! Speaking of!” The woman grabbed her bag and shot an apologetic look. “I might have made a bad decision that I definitely need to apologize for.”

Damien cocked his head in confusion, similar to that of a puppy.

Y/n pulled out the black and blue hoodie from her bag and passed it over to her boyfriend. “I took this on my way out. I was in a hurry and didn’t quite look to see what it was I had put on. Eventually, I realized what I was wearing in public, and I put it in my bag. I’m sorry, Babe.”

Damien’s eyes met the fabric, and he shrugged. “Eh, it’s fine. You can just keep it, actually. I already have so many hoodies and shirts from...you can just have itz. I bet it looks better on you anyway. I don’t need it.”

Y/n copied Damien’s confused look from earlier. “Dames, this is your hoodie. YOUR hoodie. You designed this, and it’s your only copy of it. I can’t take it, Babe. How about I throw it in the wash when we get home, and I’ll just put it back where I got it from?”

Damien shook his head. “No, that’s okay. Just...consider it a gift, I guess. I don’t need it. Take it.”

“Dames-.” Y/n began.

“I think I’ll meet you in the car. I have some calls to make for a few auditions. Take your time, Y/n.” Damien got up from his seat, immediately breaking eye-contact with his girlfriend.

After the voice-over actor left the office, Y/n let out a sigh and leaned as far back in her chair as she could, her head dangling off the headrest. She debated with herself for a few moments on whether they should talk out what was definitely him pushing unresolved feelings into a box. She decided that there was enough excitement for that day, proceeded to pack her things, and made her way to her boyfriend’s car.

--------------------

A few weeks later, Y/n found herself in a private meeting with her bosses Rhett and Link. After the news that Mythical had purchased SMOSH, Y/n had found out that she would work as a main writer for Mythical and that she would also help out with minimal production work at SMOSH while they built their team back up. The SMOSH gig wouldn’t be long-term, but it was definitely something different than what she knew. The writer had assisted with some production work on GMM during her career, so the production aspect itself wasn’t unfamiliar to her. Working for two different channels? That would be tricky.

It was not as tricky as treading the waters with Damien once he finally found out that SMOSH was coming back to life, which would be difficult since Y/n would be the liaison between SMOSH and Mythical for the foreseeable future. She would be working with Ian, going to board meetings, working in the SMOSH half of the building, and helping create a staff for SMOSH. Y/n was always up for a challenge, a chance to expand her horizons in her career. She just hoped that it wouldn’t damage the relationship she worked hard to build with her partner.

“Tomorrow is your meeting with Ian. We’ll give you the black card to charge the lunch to. He didn’t have an exact number of how many people would be showing up, but it should be fine.” Rhett handed the credit card to her. “The cafe you picked didn’t seem too pricey, so we’re not worried. Just make sure not to lose the card.”

Link leaned forward in the chair he was occupying, folding his arms on to the desk in front of him. “Have you been in contact with him yet? Introduce yourself and all of that?”

“Uh…” Y/n glossed over the fact that she had, in fact, already met Ian in person almost a month ago on accident. “Yeah...We already discussed a little bit about tomorrow. Going over what he’ll be telling his team and things of that sort. He mentioned that he had been keeping it under wraps from them. But I’m ready for it. I can’t imagine that happening to Mythical. I’d be devastated. I’m very thankful that you guys run your own ship.”

Rhett gave a shrug and a short “Eh, we try.” that caused Link to give a quick laugh.

--------------------

The morning of the meeting with Ian felt...off... to Y/n. When she woke up, Damien had already vacated the bed. She thought that maybe he had decided to go to the meeting that he had no idea she would be at. Perhaps she could subtly slip it in that she’d be there and they could take the same car. It took her a few minutes of searching the apartment to realize that her partner wasn’t even home. She didn’t know where he was. She only hoped that he would be at the cafe later. Y/n shook it off and began to get ready. Today was going to be nerve-wracking enough without him there.

Y/n made it to the cafe ten minutes before the determined meeting time. She found Ian easily and approached him with her head held high and an incredibly pleasant smile plastered to her face.

“Ian?” She asked as she approached his chair. He turned to her and watched the lightbulb go off in his head. “I’m Y/f/n Y/l/n from Mythical! And now, SMOSH...kinda.”

He stood up and shook her hand. “Hey. Nice to officially meet you! Although, I believe we’ve met before…”

Y/n winced and nodded, taking a seat across from him. There were a handful of empty chairs scattered around the table. She didn’t count them but was glad that the lunch meeting had already been approved by her bosses to be charged on the black card.

“Before we get started,” Ian began. “I just want to clarify that I haven’t told anyone what this meeting is about, and I’m still not all too sure who will be making it. A lot of things have been up in the air for so long, I’ve had to learn to just go with the flow.”

“Honestly, same.” Y/n replied as the waitress approached them.

A couple of people approached the table and greeted Ian and took seats by him while Y/n chatted with her usual waitress. The newcomers and Ian gave their drink orders before the server walked away.

“Shayne, Court, I’d like to introduce you to Y/n of Mythical Entertainment. Y/n/, Shayne and Courtney are two of SMOSH’s actors. They were hired in 2016.” Ian introduced.

“It’s really nice to meet you two! I spent the last month watching a lot of SMOSH, and you guys crack me UP! It’s almost impossible for me not to laugh at a video with either of you in it. Or any video, to be honest. Except for the Dominos mukbang. I got a little uncomfortable at the end of that one.” Y/n winced at the end of her introduction.

The three conversed as more people showed up, Keith showing up with Noah and Olivia. Matt Raub could be heard arguing good-naturedly with Sarah Whittle down the sidewalk as they approached. Lastly, Lasercorn and Mari appeared separately but arriving at about the same time. All of the chairs around the table were full except for the one to Y/n’s left. She glanced at it longlingly before giving her full attention to Ian.

“So! Should we order and then talk about why we’re here while we wait for the food?” Y/n suggested.

Ian nodded in agreement, and Y/n made eye contact with their server, pulling her over to the group. Everyone gave their order to the waitress before Y/n gave her own and then proceeded to give the order for Damien, in hopes that he would show up in the end.

“But you can put that last one on our personal tab. I might just end up taking it home. Thanks, Clementine.” Y/n called as the waitress walked away.

Y/n was about to officially start the meeting when her phone went off loudly. She pulled it out of her pocket to send it to voicemail when she saw that it was Damien’s name. “I’m so sorry. I actually need to take this really quickly. Continue your conversations.”

Y/n rose from her seat and walked off a few paces. She answered her call, hoping it would be her boyfriend telling her that he had a meeting he would be late for (the one she was at) and that he wouldn’t be able to pick up lunch that day. What it ended up being, though, was Y/n trying to subtly convince Damien to go to the meeting she knew he had (the same one she was at, but he still didn’t know that part) and failing miserably.

“You know where I am with that, Y/n. I don’t know why you’re pushing it. It was a good few years, but it’s done! I need to figure out what’s next for me. Dwelling on the past isn’t going to fix it.”

Y/n took a deep breath. “Have you even talked to anyone about this meeting? Do you even know what it’s about? Maybe something amazing and wonderful will come out of it!! You won’t know unless you try! And I know you’re building on your VO work, but SMOSH is already here and waiting for you. LITERALLY. WAITING.”

Damien grew quiet on the other end of the line, and Y/n realized she said the wrong thing. “What are you talking about. Y/n? What do you mean by ‘literally waiting’? How would you know anything about SMOSH’s meeting?”

“I just..I don’t...Damien. Please. Coming to this meeting could be what you need, right now.”

“You said coming instead of going. Why would you use ‘coming’ instead of ‘going’?”

“Oh my GOD, can you please stop analyzing what I’m saying for five fucking minutes and just listen to the point I’m trying to make here?!” Y/n noticed she was yelling and apologized before talking quieter and calmer. “Please, I’m begging you. Come to this meeting. They need you here. They’re your family.”

“Family wouldn’t keep info, like this meeting, a secret. Right?”

That caused Y/n to pause. “They...they didn’t tell you about the meeting?”

“They definitely told me. You didn’t, though.”

Y/n realized that she was losing grip with the conversation. “No, wait-Damien, I didn’t-”

“I’ll talk to you later, Y/n. Or not. Who knows, am I right?” Damien ended the call with a beep audible from Y/n’s end.

After taking a few deep breaths and clearing her eyes from any of the tears built up from frustration and legitimate sadness, she collected herself and returned to the table. When she sat down, she noticed all eyes were on her.

“What did Damien have to say?” Ian asked with a sad smile that told her he already knew the answer.

“He uh...he can’t make it. Something came up.” Y/n cleared her throat and took a sip of her diet coke. “Any chance we can just completely ignore what just happened?”

“How do you know, Damien?” The question came from someone on her left.

“I guess not,” She took a bigger sip of her drink. “Damien and I...have been seeing each other. For a few months now.”

The surprised reactions that spread around the whole table proved to Y/n that her boyfriend really didn’t tell anyone about their relationship, including Shayne, whom he called his best friend. Y/n couldn’t imagine not telling someone that important about a relationship that’s lasted as long as it had. But after what went down over the phone, the breaking of trust and the arguing, she thought maybe there was good reason for it. In an attempt to not dwell on what happened, Y/n called on Ian to continue the meeting.

--------------------

Instead of going to her own apartment after the meeting with SMOSH, Y/n decided to take Damien his food in hopes of a peace offering and have a chance to talk everything out. She pulled into the visitor parking of the apartments and took a second to collect herself. She knew her partner was hurting. The signs of his anxiety and personal, private compulsions were showing through when he thought she couldn’t see. She knew he was struggling, but all she wanted to do was fix it. But how? Would he even let her into the apartment?

She knocked on his door and waited for an answer. She knocked again a few minutes later, before taking out her key. Naturally, she’d respect his want for space, but at that moment, she didn’t have it in her. She made her way into the apartment and eventually found him laid out against his headboard, playing his Switch on his bed. He didn’t look up when she walked in or when she sat on the bed.

“I uh...I brought you your order from the cafe. Do you want it now, or should I put it in the fridge?” She asked gently from her spot at his feet.

He clicked the lock button and put the handheld device down. Looking at the bag in his girlfriend’s hands, he gestured for her to hand it to him. She leaned over to give it to him, and he put the paper bag next to his Switch. Without speaking, he nodded his head towards the door, and Y/n picked up his hint.

“Right. You probably don’t want me here right now...uh..”She scratched at her neck, disappointed in herself for thinking that he’d want anything to do with her at the moment. “I’ll just...I gotta grab some of my things from the bathroom first. I want to make sure I give you all the space you need.”

Y/n made to get off the bed when Damien cleared his throat. “No, Y/n. I was stretching my neck. You don’t have to leave.”

The writer turned to face him, pushing what she hoped was a convincing smile on her face. “It’s ok! Really! You deserve some space after what happened. I completely lied to you about today, and that’s gotta feel like trash. I can let you eat in peace for once.”

“Please don’t.” He met her eyes, and she saw sadness there. “I can wait to eat. I just...I really want you to stay. Please?”

She nodded and pulled herself up the bed to lean against the headboard next to him. “Do you want to talk about it? I understand if you don’t. And it’s completely reasonable not to want to tell me about it at all. I am sorry, Dames. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I thought maybe it would go smoothly if you just saw me at the meeting. I figured it’d be easier handling the topic of ‘us,’ too. Which...was weird to do with or without you.”

“Yeah. Shayne had questions for me. But I’m not upset that you told them. I can’t imagine the pressure that put you under. It couldn’t have been easy trying to get around it in the first place.” Damien kissed the top of her head.

Y/n looked him in the eyes and gave a sad smile. “I’m worried about you. You tell me you’re okay and that you’re moving on, but...to me, it doesn’t look like it. To someone on the outside, maybe. But I’ve been with you since before Defy shut down. You haven’t processed it or grieved it. You barely talk to your best friend. It shows a lot that you hadn’t told him about me. Like...yeah, you’re a private person. But you don’t usually hide things from Shayne.”

The actor nodded along with her words. “Yeah, I...I don’t know how to...like I just…”

Y/n noticed he was struggling and held his hand, quietly waiting for him to continue.

“Defy shutting down and SMOSH limiting everything it was doing was hard. When we were as happy as we could get working for Defy, I never thought about ‘what’s after this?’ I didn’t think I’d have to worry about it. It all seemed to be going so well...So when it came, the loss of it all...that’s what happened. All of it was lost. Everything I did, all of the moments, the time...It felt like two years of my pure energy that I was never going to get back. I put everything I am into my life at SMOSH, and it felt like it didn’t matter in the end. So, I moved forward as fast and as hard as I could to outrun the pain I knew was coming. Unfortunately… the running didn’t work, and the pain still came. And I feel like I lost connections with people most important to me along the way.”

“No, Damien… you didn’t lose those connections. Trust me. They miss you. They need you in their lives. Whether it’s through SMOSH or just inviting them over for pizza and video games. Baby, they still love you. I promise.” Y/n sat up straighter and pulled her legs underneath her, letting both knew caps lay against Damien’s outstretched legs. “I can’t give any advice towards the running away from what happened because we both know I’m a little escape artist when conflict arises. But I think this conversation right here is a great way to begin to work through it. But I think it would work better if you talked it through with your best friend that went through the same thing.”

Damien pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her. “Hmm...maybe. And you’re not that much of an escape artist anymore. You forced your way into my apartment and invited yourself on to my bed. We could have had a huge fight, but you went through with it anyway.”

Y/n looked up at him with her head still on his chest. “Because I love you. And I don’t want you to be sad anymore…”

Damien leaned down and kissed her, gently slipping his hands under her shirt before he pulled away. “You are more than I’ll ever deserve. Thank you for making sure I work out the things that bother me and affect me.”

“I’ll say it again.” She accentuated each of her following words with a poke to his torso. “I. Love. You. Dumb dumb.”

He grabbed her hand and guided her, so she was straddling his lap. “That hoodie you took from me last month, I didn’t get to see you in it. Can I get a peak?”

“Uh...sure? Are you sure, though? You seemed pretty passionate about not ever seeing it again.” Y/n rested her hands at his sides, softly running her thumbs over his shirt as if to comfort him.

“I think...I just didn’t want to think about my last few good memories with the company and everything. But I don’t want to run from it anymore.”

Y/n’s smile lit up her whole face. “Yeah? Then yeah, I can go put it on.”

“But could I convince you to wear it with nothing else on?”

#damien haas x reader #damien haas #smosh fanfiction #just me self-projecting my problems on to damien

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captain-aralias · 3 years

Text

Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all.

but i also wanted to write this, idk.

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer.

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown.

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again.

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo.

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days.

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital.

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it.

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about.

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly.

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it.

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison.

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am.

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life.

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now.

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal.

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it.

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.)

what else did i want to say?

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.)

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it.

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point.

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin.

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute.

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but.....

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be.

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog.

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.)

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens.

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years.

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it.

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while.

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer.

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

#my content #tw: death #tw: death of a parent #tw: death of a loved one #personal #tw: cancer

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duggardata · 4 years

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Justin Duggar is Engaged

Get The Data (and Predictions) Here.

Surprising no one... Justin Duggar + Claire Spivey are engaged to be married. Justin + Claire went public with their courtship in September 2020. Us Weekly had the exclusive on the proposal today, and reported that Justin asked Claire to marry him “while celebrating his birthday ... in Texas.”

Read on for a full data analysis, including their Projected Wedding Date.

Who is Claire? What’s Her Story?

Duggar Data introduced Claire and the Spivey Family in this Prior Post. Briefly recapping... Claire Yvonne Spivey, 19 (DOB—February 27, 2001), is the eldest of Robert Tarver Spivey, Jr. + Hilary Yvonne (Atherton) Spivey’s 6 Children, and lives in Cresson, TX. Her father is a contractor. Her mother is a stay–at–home wife, mother, and homeschool teacher. Like the Duggars, the Spivey Family is entrenched in IBLP / ATI.

When Did Justin + Claire Start Courting?

The Duggars and Spiveys have been family friends for >20 Years. (See Also.) As for how Justin + Claire got involved... TLC and Us Weekly report that they first met in Spring of 2019, at “a family conference”—quite possibly, the 2019 ATI Homeschool Conference in Big Sandy, TX (April 29–May 4, 2019). Sadly, what happened next is somewhat unclear...

First, there’s Justin’s version... Speaking to Us Weekly in September of 2019, Justin Duggar claimed Claire’s Father officially gave him permission to ‘court’ Claire “after several months.” Since they first met in Spring 2019, that would mean that Justin + Claire started courting no earlier than Summer / Fall 2019. Duggar Data’s theory was that Justin + Claire met at Big Sandy 2019 in April, and Justin got Claire’s Father’s blessing a few months laster.

Building on this, Claire wrote on Instagram on November 16, 2020: “After 14 Months of courting, I am thrilled beyond words to be engaged.” This implies that Justin ‘courtposed’ to Claire in September of 2019. If true, that certainly would explain why, when Justin + Claire went public in September of 2020, a handful of family members made seemingly–meaningful references to seeing the relationship develop over ‘the last year.’ (See Hilary Spivey’s Post, J.B. + Michelle’s Post, Anna Duggar’s Post, and Justin’s Post.)

So far, so good... But then, we get to Counting On. On Counting On (9–22–20), “A Quarantine Courtship,” Justin shares big news with the Duggars: He and Claire are officially courting! He announces on video chat, as COVID–19 was already in full–swing. Additionally, the episode establishes that that call happened on Ben Seewald’s Birthday—i.e., on May 19, 2020. Clearly, that’s problematic. If Justin + Claire began courting in September 2019, there’s no way that his family first heard about it in May 2020. (Prior Post.)

A few things could be going on, here. First of all, it could just be a choice of words thing. Perhaps Claire’s “14 Months” includes a period Pre–Courtship, with Justin actually ‘courtposing’ in May. Alternatively, Counting On may be fudging the timeline for whatever reason. Justin might have officially started courting in September 2019, announced to family shortly thereafter, and the show’s depiction of the announcement is just... Entirely staged.

Until now, Duggar Data had May 19, 2020 down as an Estimated Courtship Start Date for Justin + Claire; however, now that Claire had provided clearly contradictory evidence, I’m going to start using September 2019. (Since we don’t know the exact date, we’ll go with the mid–point—i.e., September 16, 2019—for the time being.) I’ve decided this probably isn’t just a word choice thing, for two reasons: First, there’s a time gap... If Claire didn’t differentiate between Pre–Courtship and Courtship, I’d expect her to say their ‘courtship’ began in Spring 2019, when they met, but she didn’t. Second, I think there’s something to all those Posts in September 2020, alluding to Justin + Claire’s relationship developing over the last year. So, yeah... I think Counting On is fudging the timeline, so I’m just going to ignore “A Quarantine Courtship.”

What About The Age at Courtship Data?

Since their Estimated Courtposal Date changed, let’s take a second look at the Age At Courtship data. This all–important data is used to predict when ‘single’ Duggars will start courting. The Duggar Sons’ and Sons–In–Law’s Ages at C.S. is used to predict the Courtship Start Date for Duggar Males, while the Duggar Daughters’ and Daughters–In Law’s Ages at C.S. is used for Females.

As of September 16, 2019, their Estimated Courtposal Date, Justin was 16.84 Years Old and Claire was 18.55 Years Old. They were both ‘young’ to court, even by Duggar standards. Prior to their courtship, it was Duggar–typical for Duggar Males to court at Age 22.27 (SD—3.95 Years) and Duggar Females to court at Age 20.15 (SD—2.86). Doing the math... Justin was 5.44 Years (1.38 SDs) early, and Claire was 1.60 Years (0.56 SDs) early. Since both were within ±2 SDs, they’re early but not outliers.

Justin set a new record for Youngest Duggar Male at Courtship, beating out the prior record–holder (Ben Seewald) by 1.48 Years. (Ben ‘courtposed’ when he was Age 18.31.) Justin was also younger than Jim Bob Duggar was, when Jim Bob + Michelle got together. (J.B. was ~Age 17.83 on their 1st Date.) As for Claire... She didn’t set a new record. Marjorie Jackson retains the title, as she and Josiah started courting when she was Age 17.17 (1.37 Years Younger than Claire).

Factoring in Justin + Claire, it’s now ‘typical’ for Duggar Males to start courting at Age 21.78 (179 Days Earlier), and Duggar Females to start at Age 20.00 (55 Days Earlier). Everyone’s Projected Courtship Date moved up, and Jana, Jed, and Jer are now all ‘late’ to court.

When Did He Propose? Was It Early, Late, or What?

Apparently, Justin popped the question when visiting the Spiveys for his 18th Birthday—November 15th. Us Weekly announced it the next day (November 16, 2020). Earlier, Duggar Data declared that I’d be using Justin’s Birthday as their Estimated Engagement Date; however, as one eagle–eyed Anon pointed out, on November 11, 2020, Hilary Spivey actually posted a photo of Justin + Claire in the same clothes they’re wearing for their engagement photos. Since it seems that they were engaged by then, Duggar Data will use November 11, 2020 as their Estimated Engagement Date, instead.

Assuming Justin + Claire started courting on September 16, 2019, and Justin proposed on November 11, 2020, their courtship lasted 422 Days. Up to this point, the ‘typical’ Duggar Couple got engaged after 126 Days (SD—95 Days). So, Justin was actually late—3.12 SDs ‘Late,’ to be exact. That’s pretty damn late, TBH, and it shifts the Duggar Data a bit: It’s now ‘typical’ to get engaged after 158 Days (+32 Days) (SD—133 Days).

Note—This is also a new record for Longest Duggar Courtship. The record was previously held by Jessa + Ben Seewald. Ben proposed after 339 Days; Justin has him beat by 103 Days (3.4 Months).

When Will They Get Married?

As of November 16, 2020, it is ‘typical’ for Duggar Couples to tie the knot just 98 Days after getting engaged, and it does vary much; the SD is only 16 Days. The Shortest Engagement was 79 Days (Jessa + Ben), while the Longest was 126 Days (Josiah + Lauren). So far, every Duggar Wedding has occurred on a Friday or a Saturday.

If Justin proposed to Claire on November 11, 2020, a 98 Day Engagement will put their wedding on Wednesday, February 17, 2021. Rounding to the closest Friday or Saturday, their Projected Wedding Date is February 19, 2021. The odds they’ll marry between February 1–March 5, 2021 (±1 SD) are about 68%, assuming a normal curve. COVID–19 might change those odds, though... I’ll ultimately exclude their Engagement Length as an outlier, if it’s far longer than normal, and there’s evidence that COVID–19 was the reason for that delay.

When To Expect Duggar–Spivey #1 / ESOQ

Assuming Justin + Claire disregard COVID–19 and wed on February 19, 2021, as projected, their Estimated Size of Quiver (ESOQ) is 14 Children. We can expect the following, with regard to Duggar–Spivey #1—

Baby News August 28, 2021

Due Date March 2, 2022

Projected DOB February 28, 2022

Wow. Just... Wow.

#justin and claire #engagement #duggar wedding #justin duggar #claire spivey

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annakie · 3 years

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Patchy

A little under two years ago I made this post, a chronicle of Patchy, the outside feral, turned inside kitty who took ten years to learn to love being petted.

Today we got some bad news.

TW for pet illness under the cut.

Patchy’s always been a bit of a puker, usually oh, say, once a month or so she’d have a good puke for no reason. I’ve had other cats that are pukers so it’s not that surprising.

In the late winter/early spring I started to notice more frequent pukes.

I’d decided around that time that I needed to find healthier food for my cats, with Leela, the oldest turning 16, Fry turning 11, Pemily turning 7 and Patchy turning, I don’t know, 12 or 13. No way to really know. They already got decent food, but I did my research and had started looking at Blue Buffalo, American Journey and Dave’s canned food.

Patchy had been on a mostly canned food diet since she went to the vet back in early 2020 and had a bunch of teeth pulled. Also, as a note, Patchy’s brief flirtation with hanging out in the rest of the house ended after like a month. She and Fry fought too much, and eventually he claimed the rest of the house is his. He also still thinks the master bedroom should be his, but, Patchy defends that territory well if anyone else encroaches. (The door just stays closed most of the time.) I really wish they could have all gotten along, I loved having Patchy out, but both Fry and Patchy agreed it wasn’t going to work.

The food she’d been on was pretty junk-food-ish though, which she did love and eat. But I wanted everyone on more or less the same diet and the highest quality food I could readily get them. So I bought a lot of cans of different kinds of food, and kept a list of which ones seemed to be hits and misses. (I still have a dozen cans of the kind nobody liked -- Blue Buffalo Wilderness Salmon -- I’ve been meaning to take to the city shelter).

Around halfway into this experiment I noticed Patchy puking more, so I decided to try to stick with her favorite kinds, which, I thought was helping.

But once I was fully vaccinated this year, it was time to get all the pets to the vet. I noticed Patchy had still lost some weight, I thought it was due to switching around her food too much earlier, and tried to stick with the things I felt she really liked.

Then, of course, Leela got sick, spent two and a half days in the pet ER and almost died back in April, and then it was like... yeah we’re done being afraid of COVID, we’re done waiting. It’s time to get them all their checkups.

My regular vet was doing COVID restrictions so no pet owners inside the clinic back then, so they took Patchy (and the others) in without me. I thought Patchy had lost some weight, but Dr. B. sounded alarmed when he called me with how much lost she’d lost in the last year, about five pounds. He wanted to do some bloodwork for Patchy, and I said of course go for it.

He called back, sounding much calmer and was like “her bloodwork couldn’t be more perfect. Let’s try switching up her food, get her on some sensitive stomach food and let’s see how she’s doing in a couple weeks.”

So two weeks later it did seem like she was doing better, I called Dr. B back and he said to bring her back in a month.

It was my plan to take her back next week when I had some PTO coming. I admit, later than planned... my last couple of months have been mucn more focused on Leela... who, thankfully, continues to thrive. But feeling like my time with her is running out, she’s been my main area of concern.

The last few days though, Patchy has really not been eating well. Sometimes she does OK, sometimes nothing at all. And then puking every day. I swapped her back even to a few cans of the Junk Food (Whiskas) I still had laying around. She’d eat it... and then puke it up. And also she... stopped sleeping with me. I thought... well, it’s summer. It’s probably too hot to cuddle. But she stopped laying on the bed. She stopped coming up for pets when I come to bed and hang out for awhile specifically to spend time with her and pet her. She runs under the bed again when I come into the room. It’s like we regressed to three or four years ago... just two weeks after our two year anniversary of getting to pet her.

So this afternoon we went to the vet. Getting her into the carrier sucked. I tried nice methods, then I had to scare her into the closet by running the vacuum, and then pretty roughly grab her. I have scratches and a pretty deep bite on my thumb which either maybe hit a nerve or is infected, may have to go to the doctor for it tomorrow. (Yes, washed it thoroughly with soap as soon as I could.) I also hated betraying her trust that badly, but it’s for her own good. But it was rough.

Dr B. wasn’t working so I saw one of the other vets. I liked him. Also COVID restrictions are gone so I got to go inside. But after talking to him for a few minutes, going over her history and what changes I’ve made, he spent a long time rubbing her intestines (Patchy was perfectly behaved, at least.) Then he looked concerned. Then he said let’s do an ultrasound.

A few minutes he came back in and showed me her scans.

Lymphoma.

I was a bit stunned for a second so I missed a bit of the technical speak he said next, but it came down to the best thing we could do is give her some medicine that may buy her more time. It doesn’t sound like Chemo or Operating is even really an option. I’m going to call back tomorrow and see if Dr. B or the vet I talked to can talk me through it a little better now that I’ve had a chance to digest.

If I can get Patchy to take the medicine, and if she responds well to it... she may have 3 - 6 months left.

If she won’t take it, or if she doesn’t respond, it’s at this point, a matter of her comfort and quality of life. So... weeks. And I’m worried about getting her to take the medicine, especially since she won’t even come let me pet her and we just had a huge trust betrayal today. I don’t know if I could take her spending her last few weeks hating me, especially if the medicine doesn’t work.

The vet also told me that... I didn’t do anything wrong. And we did the right thing six or so weeks ago by changing her food and seeing if a few other things worked. Especially with how good her blookwork looked. He barely felt the cancer today, he said six weeks ago Dr. B wouldn’t have been able to feel it at all. And for this particular type of lymphoma... there’s not a lot to be done, anyway. That made me feel better, at least.

(As a really dumb side note, after I got her home, I sat down to eat dinner and watch an episode of Star Trek to take my mind off of all of this since I’d been crying since I found out, paid my bill, and drove home, stopping at a drive through so I didn’t have the mental load of cooking. And I’m in the middle of my rewatch of Enterprise. I bet any trekkies reading this can guess what episode was next in my rewatch because yep I’m in season two and A NIGHT IN SICKBAY started playing, of course, so obviously I NOPED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT EPISODE. For the non-Trekkies.... the Captain has a dog on board, an adorable beagle, Porthos. The dog gets sick and almost dies and spends his night in Sickbay. He does pull through. But the ONE episode centered around a beloved pet getting sick and almost dying... and that’s the episode that fate decreed I was supposed to watch tonight. I did not. I don’t know if I can watch it anytime soon.)

So now for the next few weeks I will spend my time being grateful that Leela is alive and thriving and pray she keeps doing so -- I will continue to give her extra love and care and attention, and also I will need to do the same for Patchy. I can’t even do it at the same time because Patchy will not come out here, and will not allow Leela in her room.

I am low-key freaking out that there’s the possibility of the nightmare scenario happening to me again. In winter 2016, after months of being sick, I woke up on Christmas morning and my 16-year-old cat Jim had died overnight. It was terrible, and traumatic, and I had to deal with everything all alone because anyone who could support me was... well, it was Christmas morning and my family was all out of town, too. Posting about it on Tumblr... actually really helped me, since it’s the only place I felt like I could talk about it.

That Christmas was on a Sunday.

Wednesday morning I woke up to hearing my dog, Cebu, moaning in pain. I rushed him to the vet, but whatever happened overnight, it was too late, maybe there wasn’t anything we ever could have done even if I’d been awake when the puking started. The vet said the kindest thing we could do was put him to sleep. And we did.

Also I just, JUST now realized that the vet who helped put Cebu to sleep was the same vet who I saw today about Patchy.

But I lost two of my pets within 3 days of each other. I was very lucky that my job let us have the week between Christmas and New Years off that year. I had a few days to pull myself together, and I needed it. It took months to recover totally, though. Every once in awhile I think about that week and I still cry, though. I miss them both so much and they both had deaths that were less than ideal.

I remember thinking then “I have like, five years of reprive. Leela will be sixteen in five years, and that’s when I have to start to worry again, when I have to be ready to say goodbye again.”

I thought then that even after that I’d have two or three years until Patchy would leave me, and two or three years past that until Fry. And then five more years with Pemily.

Right now I’m realizing that I will likely lose Patchy, very best case in six months, but possibly before July is over.

I need Leela to keep thriving. I don’t know how I would handle losing another two so close together again.

Patchy is... she’s the one who chose me. I chose my other cats. Fry and Pemily I plucked from the backyard when they were tiny kittens and brought them inside. They didn’t have a choice. Leela I adopted from a rescue, she didn’t have a choice. Patchy chose to stay. She chose to stick around when she realized I’d feed her. It took years but she learned to trust, she chose to come inside when it was cold, when it was hot, when it was storming, and when she was pregnant. She chose me to help raise the last litter of kittens she’d ever had. (My entire Rescue Kitties tag is full of adventures in finding, raising and usually adopting out strays. Lots and lots of posts about Patchy and her final litter. Been awhile since I’ve done it, though.)

I used to joke that Patchy was my roommate, not a pet. She ate, drank, did her business, and kept to herself for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, she was a very good, quiet, considerate roommate and I loved her. But it wasn’t until that wonderful day she let me pet her that I felt like she was my pet.

I loved having her just hanging out living in the house since 2014, but the last two years especially have brought me such joy. I’ve tried to never take Patchy’s trust in me for granted. It was EARNED. Every small step forward was a milestone to be celebrated. I worked for every bit of trust and love Patchy has given me, and have been rewarded. And it was worth it. Every minute. Every long, patient year.

Even now I’m telling myself... without me, she would have died years ago. Probably violently, or starved, maybe frozen to death. Getting to die of cancer brought on by older age is not something that most feral cats ever get to do. Getting to become an inside kitty where she’s loved, and comfortable for the second half of her life was something remarkable, brought on by her wiles and will to survive for so many years, bolstered by the food I left out for her. She’s had this much time, this much life, this much comfort and love that she would have never had otherwise, and that’s something to be happy about.

I’ve watched dozens of ferals come and go through my neighborhood throughout the years. I feed them, I work on seeing if I can get them to trust me enough to let me TNR them, but even those that I have, I don’t keep seeing for much longer. There’s one right now, I jokingly call him Patchy’s Boyfriend. He still won’t trust me and never has fallen for the trap when I’ve tried. But he’s there most nights when I feed him around 11. He’s getting terribly thin despite the quality food I leave out. I’ll miss him.

But none of them were Patchy. None of them became what she is to me. None of them survived long enough to adapt and decide to live another life.

Also? I wouldn’t have Pemily without her. Pemily is literally Patchy’s Granddaughter and that is one more thing I love Patchy for.

I feel guilty sometimes, both because I don’t spend nearly enough waking hours with her I feel, but I have three others who need me, as well. One who’s time is growing short, as well. And they don’t get to sleep with me, she does. What a joy it was all winter when I would wake up and she’d be sleeping on my chest. I’d get a bit annoyed when she’d sleep with her backside to my face and her tail would tickle my face and wake me up. I’m a side-sleeper half the night and she hated that it was harder to get comfortable on me that way. She still doesn’t want to have my hand just stay on her, she wants pets and skirtches, no long-form touching. That’s ok. I sleep better with her weight on me.

I don’t know what the next few weeks or months will hold, but at least pet-wise, it’s going to be rough. I’m going to wrap this up and give these three out here a good pet, then go hope Patchy comes and asks for love, too. Tomorrow is one more day with all four of them, and for that, I’ll be grateful, for every remaining day.

#personal post tag thingy #my pets #pet illness tw #pet death tw

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