#Anger of Stick 5 cheats

[awakittie]

hey i would like to make a request but i couldn't find your rules so if you don't feel comfortable with it you can ignore this.

jinx x reader where the reader is jinx's girlfriend but they are at odds and haven't spoken in a few days and the reader goes to a nightclub and dances sensually just to piss jinx off and make her jealous so she roughly fucks the reader as punishment and they end up reconciling in the end

wc. 2.9k

warnings. doomed yuri, toxic jinx, toxic relationships, honestly everyone is mean in this, implied drinking, fingering, brief mention of death, ooc (especially lux), lux is jinxs’ ex, modern au, implied cheating

( divider creds: @cafekitsune )

the morning beams through the drawn curtains, doing little to protect you from the hot rays of sun. you accept defeat after a few tosses and turns, sitting up and wiping the sleep out of your eyes. it’d been days now, days since you’d stormed out of her apartment.

her lack of communication had been the last tick in your ticking time bomb that day, and you were just about ready to explode when she’d gotten all jelly at you dancing up a storm with your friend. her slim face shivered with anger, and she seethed through clenched teeth — when you asked her what was bothering her, hand on her thigh, she’d just turned away pouting.

jinx always had trouble with being dismissive, you know this. you’ve known about her past issues with relationships (not romantic!), but that’d never warranted her treating you like this.

sometimes she even uses the excuse that it’s her first relationship, ‘i don’t know how the fuck you want me to improve when this is my first time, and you’re on my ass about being better 24/7!’ or whatever she said.

something about giving her a break, too.

so that’s what you did.

drunken curses, middle fingers and slamming doors later and you’re stumbling down the street. it was easy to find where you were going when you were so honed in on her. like a moth to a flame, you arrive at lux’s house — she says about 3-3:30 in the morning, the blank stare she gave you with the information proof enough she didn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

your best friend had opened the door, groggy from sleep with hair sticking up on one side, coated in sweat. all you can think about is the sleep she must’ve had while you were busting your ass off arguing with jinx.

you turn to face the time on the clock, and—

BANG!

“it’s 5 in the evening, you know that?” she stands by the door, hand placed on her hip like a scolding mother would to their child. she shakes her head, silky light hair slipping over her shoulders.

“yeah, yeah..” you sigh, letting yourself flop back on the bed.

“don’t yeah yeah me,” she hisses, swinging off the door frame to saunter over to the closet in the corner of the room. “we’re going out tonight. but i’m starting to reconsider if you’re going out looking like that.”

you hear the smile behind her voice, and you scoff out a laugh, rolling your eyes up to the popcorn ceiling that groans under the forces of the wind outside.

speaking of — you sit up just enough to get a good look at her, brows furrowing at her outfit of choice.

“going out where? going out in the freezing cold where it’s reaching ridiculous wind speeds?” you eye the white dress she adorns, the glitter bouncing off the furniture and reflecting tiny sparkles, like stars on the yellow walls.

she narrows her eyes at you inquisitively.

“to that one place. y’know the one downtown everyone’s buzzing about. durr.” she states it like it’s obvious what she’s talking about, crossing the room with a pep in her step.

“you act like i should know what you’re talking about.” you call out to her. your limbs ache, every inch of your body feels like you’re on fire, fingertips sizzling as you grasp the covers to pull them back.

“then get to know!” she counters, poking her head around the corner. “please get yourself ready, because i know how you are when you leave shit to the last minute.”

poking your tongue from between your lips, you gesture her away with a swat of your hand, like a lingering fly. she obliges, shutting the door behind her and you find yourself alone once again — too alone.

the silence feels deafening, and all you can think about is jinx, how she’d fill that void right up. when you reach for your phone you’re half expecting to see her notification pop up, on any account really.

but nothing.

those random pictures she sends you throughout the day? none. not even a text.

the last message sent was that night, it was you giving the final text that simply read ‘fuck you’. the two ticks beside the text tells you she read it.

a pang of embarrassment washes over you. that was corny as fuck.

you wonder what went through her head when she saw that. did it make her upset? did it make her happy? was she glad to have to not worry about you anymore?

you’ve thought about texting her, truthfully you’ve thought about it more than you probably should.

fuck, you need a night to yourself.

if a night to yourself means going out with your ex’s ex to a nightclub, you’re screwed.

which is where you find yourself now, sat at a table with a group of lux’s other friends. you don’t know these people, and you feel weird barging into their space. thankfully, they’re welcoming enough — as welcoming as shoving half empty cups in your hands can get.

with the designated job of being the bartender for the night, you don’t do much other than just sit around. you feel lifeless, like a robot programmed to respond only when spoken to — which wasn’t often as they’d typically look right through you in a conversation.

lux would give you soft glances every so often, asking if you’re okay, but you can tell she’s caught up in the rush of being with friends.

that’s okay.

this was suppose to be a night to yourself anyway, you tell yourself as you wander seamlessly over to the bar. you could indulge in a drink or two — you need it.

you were just about to order yourself a drink before lux came rushing over, hands clasping your shoulders and shaking you there. you balk, eyes wide at the sudden whiplash.

“you have no idea who i just saw!” she cries, laughing between laboured breaths. you eye her curiously.

she must be talking about an old friend from school or something, or maybe one of her old hook ups she’d forgotten the name of. typical lux.

“uhh, no, i don’t.” you cock your head before she’s reaching out to pinch your cheeks between her head, snapping your head to the right to see—

oh, fuck.

“of course she’s here.” you spit, now feeling yourself growing riled up. your fingertips buzz, and you feel all the emotions you’d felt from that argument simmer back up. you feel hot.

she looks how she usually does; hardened at the edges. her heavy boots sit idly against the table in front of her, ringed fingers curled over whatever blue concoction she’s drinking. she’s rocking her usual hard rock wardrobe, leather studded jacket slung lazily over her shoulders that rise and fall steadily as she takes in the stuffy environment.

“right?” lux whispers back, like jinx could hear her from across the busy room. “imagine she followed you, like some creepy stalker!”

she jeers, wiggling her fingers teasingly over your shoulder till you cringe away, swatting at her hand. you feel yourself shrink when jinx’s eyes pass yours. time seems to slow, and you swear you feel your heart drop into your stomach. she doesn’t seem too pleased to see you, top lip quirking up into a grimace when her blue eyes flit to lux sitting perplexed by your side.

she looks like she’d drop kick you in an instant if she reached you, and that thought alone is enough to give you an ego boost.

you bite back the smirk that threatens to part your lips, and you glance over at lux, turning between the two of you. jinx seems to have lost interest at this point, shaking her head and turning to take a sip from her miscellaneous drink.

fuck it.

“let’s dance,” you swoon, snatching lux’s hand into your own. she seems starstruck, gazing at you through a filter jinx no longer seems to view you through.

you’re typically way too nervous to be doing this, let alone dancing by yourself. you move against lux with a lack of confidence — truthfully it’s her doing all the moving; hands guiding your body against hers, sliding down to your hips when you bump closer, giggling like two schoolgirls over a collective crush.

you’re clumsy on your feet, always have been. it’s always been jinx to guide your dancing, ‘step on my feet’ she would giggle, holding your hand to her chest like something sacred.

it’s when lux presses closer, hand coming up to grasp for your jaw that you realise what you’re doing.

you near gag in her face, cringing away and shoving her with more force than you would’ve liked.

“wha—!” she gasps, arms open like you’d just offended her and the generations before her. “hey, what did i do?”

you hear her from over your shoulder as you rush out — out and more importantly away from everyone. you weave through the crowd, shoving past ignorant people when necessary and apologising when you should.

the bathrooms.

‘no one goes in there’ you tell yourself as you round the corner, nudging the door open with your shoulder. out of everywhere to be at a club, surely peoples options don’t narrow down to the bathrooms in the back, no?

you’re pretty fucking wrong. terribly wrong.

your hand flies up to your mouth instinctively at the smell radiating from the bathrooms and the sight of her, hunched over the sink. her knuckles are white with strain, pressed against the countertop where her bag sits against the wall.

she looks rough.

her eyes meet yours through the mirror, lips curling up in a half grimace — half smirk.

“i saw you.” her voice is raspy and broken, carrying the weight of all her emotions.

“i should hope so,” you shoot back, letting yourself slump against the wall, arms crossed over your chest. you feel exposed now, more than in that room full of strangers you don’t know.

yet you still feel at ease, somewhat.

jinx clicks her tongue, licking over her teeth before turning to lounge against the sink, body now turned to yours.

“you’re hard to miss dancing up her like that.” you can taste the bile that spits from her mouth with those words, and you outwardly flinch, nodding away like you understand her point.

because you do.

why were you dancing up her ex like you didn’t have a girlfriend waiting at home for you? sure, a negligent one but still a girlfriend. you’re no better than her for what you did.

you’re not sure if its the twenty odd cups of coke you had (stomach issues) or the stuffy air that seems to clog your lungs — but you feel the bile rise in your own mouth. you want to scream, you want to cry.

you want to hold her, tell her how sorry you are. you want to feel her on you, you want to hit her, scream in her face for how she’d made you felt.

“i miss you,” you tremble. your voice is small, just enough to be heard by the two of you and the two of you alone. “i really miss you.”

you don’t meet her eyes, gaze drawn to the mismatched tiling on the floor by your feet. you kick at the grime gathering there, finding particular interest in a small stone amongst the sound of her breathing and your own heartbeat in your ears. you could die right now.

“prove it.” her voice, low and raspy, cracks through the otherwise monotonous space. the air shifts, and you finally peer up behind your lashes to meet her gaze.

she’s got a sultry look about her, studs on her leather jacket glinting under the mustard yellow of the buzzing light from above. it bathes her in the ugliest colour, yet she’s still the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen.

you miss her.

you miss her, you tell yourself as you take a shaky step off of the wall.

you miss her, you justify as you crash into her body, arms slung around her shoulders as she smashes her lips to yours.

the slide of her hot mouth against yours is wet and sloppy, everything you’ve ever known with jinx. it feels comforting, like a bandaid soothed over a blister that’d been bugging you for days. her kisses have always been sloppy, but never like this. she seems to drown you, drown you in her love as she guides you against the sink, turning to cage you against it instead.

“i missed you,” you whisper between soft flicks of her tongue, taking it between your lips to suckle gently. she lets out a shaky sigh, slicking her bangs back with a trembling hand to reveal her sweaty forehead. she lets out a breathless snicker, brows drawing at the revelation like it’d hurt her.

her hands slide lower, lower till they find your hips, they roll forward to meet yours, rutting awkwardly, denim against your panties from where she’d hiked up your skirt.

you feel high, higher than you’d ever felt, higher than any drug could make you feel. a hand comes up to weave through your hair, the other leaving your hip to cup at the gap between the two of you. you jolt in her grasp, gasping out into her purple lips as she twists her head further into yours.

“i’ll take care of you,” she promises between sharp smacks of her lips, fingers drawing up and down your slit.

your legs tremble, ankles locking over the small of her back to bring her impossibly closer. you want to feel your nerves connect, you want to feel what she feels; know what makes her sad, happy, angry. you want to know what she enjoys and what she hates — you want to feel her on you.

“i want—“ your bottom lip wobbles, sucking in between your teeth when she teases at your entrance with a finger, now wrist deep in your underwear. “i want to feel you,”

something prods.

“you feel me yet?” she jeers with a sultry grin, watching as your eyes squeeze shut at the sudden invasion. you’re soaked enough to where it isn’t painful, but the stretch of her fingers is certainly something that always takes you by surprise.

your legs tremble at every thrust of her long fingers. they massage your walls in all the right ways, stroking down as they hit just that right spot — the one that gets you worked up and sweaty against her. your stale breaths ping pong between the two of you, and you’d find it disgusting how close you were had it been anyone else.

it will never be anyone else.

there’s only room for jinx— jinx jinx jinx jinx.

she’s all you can think of as you moan like some cheap whore, legs curling impossibly further, nudging her further and further into your space. her usually pale face is a hot pink, sweat dribbling down the side of her head in exertion. her fingers are coated in your slick, engulfed by your hot cunt that soaks up any ounce of dignity she swore she had left.

“you’re not seeing her again,” jinx grits her teeth, brows coming down over her eyes like the thought alone pushes her to the edge. “not after this.”

you nod, saying something instinctively under your breath in response to her nonsense babbling. she places a particularly harsh thrust that has your back straightening at attention, and her thumb meets your swollen clit.

“you hear me?” she pokes. “i’m all you need, you don’t need anything else. especially from some common whore like lux — what were you thinking?”

“i’m sorry,” you whisper, bringing a trembling hand up to cup her face. she meets your lips with her own with equal fervour, fingers pumping at an unstable pace. you feel that pit in your stomach coiling tighter and tighter, matching the rhythm of her thumb on your clit.

“ohhh, you’re sorry now?” she snickers, breaking from the kiss abruptly. her voice alone could get you off. “if you’re so sorry you’d come for me, wouldn’t you?”

“i want it—“ you gasp, meeting her hand with a sharp buck of your hips. you feel disgusting getting off in the club bathrooms, and it’s now that you’re on the brink of an orgasm you become hyper-aware of the space you’re in.

the blaring music thumping the walls, the dingy, musky smell coming from the bathrooms, the busted light trilling above the two of you. the indistinct chatter of other people outside.

you could get caught.

the thought does wonders, and your back arches, frame twitching further onto her fingers as you finally unravel. jinx lets out a sharp snicker, biting on her bottom lip as your nails dig into her back, cheek mushing into the leather on her shoulder. you sound like a straight up pornstar, something you should be ashamed of.

that would be if it wasn’t for her.

“i want you,” you finally conclude, legs dropping to her sides. your breath heaves, chest rising and falling at an uneven pace.

you wonder where lux is right now, if she’s looking for you — if anyone is looking for you, really. you doubt the sentiment. it doesn’t matter after all, all you need is jinx.

she withdraws her hand from your panties, fingers glistening with your slick, before she brings it to her mouth to engulf them between her lips. she closes her eyes, like blissed out on the taste before slowly withdrawing them, letting them release with a pop for emphasis.

“you’ve got me.”

A.N sorry this is bad, i’ve been pretty demotivated but i just rlly wanted to get this out. hehe doomed yuri

[7waystreet]

dirty confessions | jeon jungkook

This BTS 18+ explicit series will include 7 diary entries (one from each of the bangtan boys) confessing to the dirty thoughts they have about (y/n) and the sinful sexual acts they've part taken in during their lives.

I kindly ask the reader to start with pt.1 and end with pt.7 since it's a series and will contain overlapping scenarios and characters ♡

✬ foreword pt. 1 — seokjin pt. 2 — yoongi pt. 3 — namjoon pt. 4 — hoseok pt. 5 — jimin pt. 6 — taehyung pt. 7 — jungkook

pt. 7 — jungkook

Dear diary,

I have a confession to make. I fucked Namjoon hyung's sister, Hobi hyung's ex gf, and Yoongi hyung's gf all together in our dorm while the boys were out. I'm the golden maknae after all, bitches.

Now let me write out the events of my sexcapade one by one on these pages like I dumped my cum in each of their holes.

It was late into the night when I took off my headphones after hours of playing Overwatch by myself in my bedroom, my hand mindlessly scratching my balls while I walked over to the kitchen for a quick snack. It's then when I heard a few girls whispering in the dimly lit living room of our dorm, my ears perking up at once when I recognized Namjoon hyung's sister's voice. I remember hyung saying she was going to visit so it wasn't really a big deal seeing her in the boys' apartment, but I held in my breath when I noticed Hobi hyung's ex gf and Yoongi hyung's gf both on the couch too, all of the girls talking shit about the hyung line together.

"Thanks so much for inviting us girls so we can all confront the boys tonight!"

Fuck. I knew they were up to no good, but I had the advantage of hiding and listening to their plan without their knowledge while I blended behind a curtain in the hallway. The tea was SPILLED.

I found out Namjoon hyung's sister and Jin hyung were fucking and actually ended up catching feelings for each other, but they were too terrified to come out and tell Namjoon hyung about it. No shit... hooking up with a member's sister is fucked up, but we all know Jin hyung has no morals. She wanted to confess the truth to her brother tonight... Goodluck dealing with his wrath, I thought in silence.

I also found out the two other girls were cheating and hooking up with each other's bfs... What in the fucking world? And the fact that they were cuddling on the couch and saying sorry to one another?! I'll never understand the female species. This is why I stay away from chicks and stick to my video games. I don't even know how I got lucky bagging my gf, who's much more sane compared to these lot.

That's when I decided to call V hyung and update him on this gossip for some light bit of entertainment. I opened our location sharing app on my phone just to check if he was also at home just locked up in his bedroom, and that's when my heart fell out of my chest... Why was his location at my gf's apartment this late into the night? I decided to inspect and give him a call, but he never picked up.

Sorry Jungkookie. Out with friends. Will call you tmrw.

This stupid fucking bastard had the audacity to text me that big of a lie when I have his location? At least Jimin hyung answered my call even when the poor guy was half asleep. An anger unlike I've known ruptured my insides, a mixture of plunging sadness poising my mind when my gf replied back to my sweet goodnight text with "Cuddling a big bear to bed right now wishing it was you."

This bitch was definitely fucking V hyung behind my back. That's it, I lost my cool.

"ALL YOU GIRLS ARE DISGUSTING!"

Overwhelmed with emotions, I stomped into the living room and revealed myself to the noonas, my upset state of mind compelling me into lashing out at them, who realistically didn't deserve to endure my sudden outburst at all. It wasn't really them who I was upset at, it was just girls who cheat in general. But never did I think the night would end up the way it did based off of that aching awkward silence followed my grand entrance.

"Kook... Please don't tell the boys anything you heard. Please. You can't. They've to hear it from us otherwise it'll ruin the entire friend group. It could ruin Bangtan" Namjoon hyung's sister pleaded with puppy eyes.

Hah. Manipulation at it's finest. You're the one who's gonna screw up and then put it all on me? You think I'm a dumbass not able to see the way you're trying to coax me? Baby, please don't embarrass yourself.

"What do I get in return for keeping quiet?" I was willing to play their dirty little tricks, not giving them any satisfaction whatsoever.

"How about we... come to an agreement between the four of us?"

I didn't understand what she meant by her words until she got up and slowly walked towards me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders before suddenly pulling me in for a kiss on the lips. My mind immediately yelled S T O P but my dick felt a tingle when her tits pushed into mine, the taste of her cherry chapstick and the scent of her floral perfume numbing out my brain for the brief couple of seconds we kept kissing.

"If you girls love fucking people who you shouldn't be fucking, then show me a good time. I'll only keep quiet this way" my pulsing cock spoke for itself without my permission...

The smirk on the girls' faces mimicked the one devising on mine when I dropped on the couch and manspread, waiting for the big show to get started. The thrill of it was like no other I've experienced, even topping the high I feel everytime I get a new tattoo. The hyungs were all out at the club tonight and could walk into the living room any given moment, but I didn't give a fuck. I'm lowkey the wildest — no cap.

All three noonas got naked within the blink of an eye, the vibes immaculate with the dim mood lighting, the way they helped me out of my sweats one by one giving me goosebumps while an unbearable heat began running through my blood. It was like I was in a porno getting pleasured by a bunch of chicks, Hobi hyung's ex gf and Yoongi hyung's gf both opting to suck my dick in turns on their knees while Namjoon hyung's sister stayed up on the couch and made out with me. Shit, no wonder the members were fucking these three girls in turns, their mouths like pros gagging on my cock and coughing up spit, getting me even more aroused as they panted and jerked me off with their hands to breathe in some air in between.

The two girls kept playing with my dick, their spits mixing and slobbering all over my boner as they deep throated it in turns, a set of lips lightly sucking on my balls at times to get me moaning from the pleasure. Namjoon hyung's sister and I shared more of a bond since we've been family friends for a while, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a crush on her when I first moved to Seoul and met her, but here I was now with my tongue down her throat, the way she slid down and sucked on my neck prickling a shiver to run down my spine.

I couldn't take it any longer and busted a nut for the first time that night, my money cum shot spurting all over the girls' pretty faces. They shyly giggled as they looked me in the eyes, my chest panting from reaching my high, although my lip curling in a smile when I said "Eat it off of each other." The two baddies did as I told them without hesitation, their tongues licking off my cum from one another's faces, eventually leading them into making out and moaning while naked right in front of me. Holy fuck, I felt myself getting hard again. Both me and noona just watched the two girls getting down with each other for a long time, the way they squeezed each other's tits and kissed one another a total turn on, noona then slowly whispering in my ear "Please fuck me, Jungkook."

Happily.

As I got on top of her on the couch, I couldn't help but think Jin hyung fucks her hard just like this too, but what kind of a maknae would I be if I didn't take anything and everything of Jin hyung's? I live to make him suffer. In fact, it's my birth right.

My attention was mostly on Namjoon hyung's sister as I stuck my cock roughly inside of her without notice, stretching out her walls with my girth, watching her eyes shut close as she adjusted to my length, but the loud moaning of one of the girls eating the other one out on the carpet right next to us was peaking my arousal at a finest. Watching two chicks hook up like that while my cock was pounding such a sweet pussy was an experience I'll never forget. My chest felt a burn that rose up to my throat when I heard the front door's handle rattle, but it was a false alarm as some drunk neighbors were coming home from a bar and stumbled to the wrong apartment... Hah. That didn't stop me from ruining noona's pussy though. I just kept slamming her throughout the incident, half hoping the hyungs walked in during this fuck fest. Fear is not a word in my dictionary.

The screams of all three of the bitches made the walls shake to say the least, my grunts barely audible as I lifted noona's legs up to angle myself even deeper into her pussy, smashing into her g-spot while she clenched tighter and tighter, making it such a gripping fit that I was ready to cum another time. Her face was turning pale as she contracted her muscles and held her breath in, her moans freezing up when she came around my cock allowing me to slid in an out better as she let go, my orgasm following shortly and my cum creaming her up and dripping onto the couch in a slop when I pulled out.

I happened to look down and caught Yoongi hyung's gf cumming into Hobi hyung's ex gf's mouth from a mind blowing eating out job, the wild chick appearing quite talented with her tongue. It was her who needed a reward for the hard work now, so I got on the floor and pinned her down while the other girl was catching her breath post orgasm.

I just stuck my fingers into her wet pussy which was just throbbing and waiting to be filled, pumping in and out with varying speeds and angles to get her whimpering in no time, not breaking our smoldering eye contact whatsoever. It took just a couple of minutes to get her cumming, the way she was already so aroused from tasting pussy a turn on for me too as I gave her what she needed, which was a hot fingering session that'd change her life.

That's when the hyung line walked in on all four of us butt ass naked on the floor in the dorm living room, their feet freezing up in their steps and faces turning ghost pale at the crazy sight.

"Oh, right hyungs... We're all fucking each other's girls if y'all hadn't caught on already. Bangtan for life, am I right?" 

a/n ♡

i imagined jungkook being a key player to tie up all loose ends in this series, the way he disapproves of the hyungs dirty behavior but ends up doing the same exact thing an ode to his bratty maknae side and how he's "allowed" to get away with things being the youngest

— using gen z words: "no cap", "baddie", "tea spilt" reflects his age as he throws in more slang than others

— his fearlessness: jungkook is as brave as it gets in bts, none of the other members being on this level despite their dirty confessions

— feelings towards members: even in his diary he's quarreling with seokjin like irl (calling him out for "no morals", saying he lives to make jin suffer). meanwhile, he seems to view namjoon as an authoritative figure like irl, and his closeness with tae and jimin shows when he decides to call them to gossip about the drama

[insert-random-account-name]

Crappy Character Analysis, part 9

I've said it before, but if you like these rants, check out the other parts! And if you have any thoughts, feel free to share :).

part 1 (Broken) part 2 (Skeptic) part 3 (Cold)

part 4 (Paranoid) part 5 (Stubborn) part 6 (Contrarian)

part 7 (Smitten) part 8 (Opportunist) part 9 (You are here)

part 10 (Hunted) part 11 (Hero)

VOICE OF THE CHEATED

The Voice of the Cheated has always struck me as something special. Not only does his manner of speaking (aka, his love of cursing) alienate him from the (relatively) clean-mouthed majority, but he manages to be the only voice to control the construct on accident. In Chapter 3 of the Razor, he gets so frustrated at the thought of walking all the way to the cabin just to get stabbed again, he manages to teleport you to the main room. The way he comments on this implies that he didn’t expect those results. He also strips away player agency, grabbing the blade before the Narrator even finishes describing it, giving you absolutely no choice. Cheated also speaks using gambling terms, talking about the deck being stacked, the house making the rules, holding the cards, that sort of thing. He also displays frustration at everyone and everything, being utterly convinced that this whole construct exists for the sole purpose of torturing you. He doesn’t even want to go to the cabin in the Razor. He repeats over and over that there is no point to anything you do, complains about the lack of options presented to you, and shows a distrust for everyone besides yourself.

The Cheated is frustrated. The way you get him is by getting so close to a good outcome, only to have it snatched away (Princess stabbing you when she should be dead, Skeptic stopping your heart, Spectre ripping your heart out, Witch continuing the cycle of violence instead of stopping it) in an improbable matter. This gives him a natural distrust for the situation. He believes that the Narrator is maliciously sending you towards your death, and that he and the Princess are part of some scheme to keep you trapped in this place forever. This is why he acts so done with it, since he thinks every course of action will only lead to painful death. His abrasive nature is him taking out this anger on everyone who will listen. Of course, that’s not all. Beneath Cheated’s harsh personality is a desire be heard, to be understood. His aggravation is an attempt to make others feel what he has felt, to share the pain with those who have hurt him. A good example is how, when you take the blade in the Razor, he makes a comment about making her hurt for what she’s done to you. He wants not only revenge, but closure. He wants to know that she understands how you feel. You can argue that stabbing someone is a bad way to communicate feelings, but I never said he was sane about it.

This personality is what makes him a good voice to have in the Thorn or the Cage. In these situations, where it’s clear that the Princess is suffering alongside you, Cheated’s frustration gives way to understanding. Although he still lacks empathy, and mainly goes along with freeing her to stick it to the Narrator, he is able to recongize that she is also a victim, worthy of compassion. Cheated was really hard for me, so I especially encourage discussion or additions to him.

[gretavangroupie]

Errant

Word count: 16.0k

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Female Reader

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Smoking, Angst, Fighting, Name Calling, Toxic Themes and Behavior, Allusions to Cheating, Jealousy, Anger, Gaslighting. Smut: Kissing, Touching, Oral M!Receiving, Fingering, Oral F!Receiving, Dirty Talk, Degradation, Slight Masochism, Slight Humiliation Kink, Spanking, Unprotected Sex, Rough Sex. Fluff.

A/N: Hey! Welcome back for the third installment of the four part Valentine's Day Mini Series I've been working on along with my best pal, @sacredstarcatcher! We've had so much fun writing these, and we hope that you enjoy Josh's story! This may not be everyones cup of tea, so make sure you read the warnings! There's only one left now, and we can't wait to share Jake's story with you! See you real soon!

JOSH POV

You sit on the exam table, gently swinging your feet as the doctor scribbles on his prescription pad. The paper underneath you crinkles, your clammy hands getting stuck to it. 

“It’s looking like the perforation is healing, but I’m going to give you some antibiotics and ear drops. You’ll take the antibiotics for 10 days and the drops for 5.” He tears off the prescription and hands it to you. “Just be sure you aren’t drinking and you avoid getting any water in or around your ears.”

You scrunch up your nose when you hear the pointed reminder not to drink. 

“Thank you, doc. I’ll be on my best behavior.” You joke, hopping down from the table. Your sneakers squeak as you stick the landing. 

Navigating through the back halls of the ENT practice, you follow the signs that direct you to the check-out. It’s eerily quiet as you walk through the waiting room and out of the front doors. The sun nearly blinds you when you get outside, so you lift your hand to block it out while you search for your girlfriend’s car. 

Spotting her a few rows into the parking lot, you walk in her direction, knocking softly on the window once you’re close enough. She unlocks the door and you slip inside, the car next to her parked a little too close. She sighs, shifting from park to drive while you buckle your seatbelt.

“How was it?” she asks, her enthusiasm lacking. You look over at her as she cranes her neck to check that the way is clear before she pulls out of her parking spot.

“Well, it was fine.” You take a deep breath before continuing. “I have to take antibiotics and put in ear drops for a few days, so you might have to help me with that. I can keep taking the pain meds that the doctor I originally saw prescribed, but the pain should subside as I heal.” 

She nods, keeping the radio volume low. The only time she doesn’t sing in the car is when she’s upset, and you know the song currently playing is one of her favorites. So, you seal your fate and ask the dreaded question in every relationship.

“What’s wrong?” 

She huffs and thinks for a moment before she answers. 

“You know it’s Valentine’s day, right?” 

“Oh. Yeah, I guess it is.” You’ve never put much stock in the holiday and you didn’t think she did either. The last two years, you hadn’t ever done more than get her some flowers or chocolates delivered, mostly because you weren’t around.

“I just… I don’t know, it’s the first one we’ve been able to spend together and we’re spending the day going to the doctor and the pharmacy…”

“Oh, so you’re mad that you had to bring me to the doctor?” you ask, a little defensive now. 

“That’s not what I’m saying, Josh. I’m just saying I wish we were doing more than running errands.” She speaks curtly to you, and honestly, it’s a little condescending.

“It’s a made up holiday anyway. I’ve never bought into all the hearts and candy and bullshit. I didn’t think you did either.” You rest your head on your hand, looking out the window as she drives a little too fast down the freeway.

“It’s not about that. You’re not getting it.” she snaps, her tone whiny and frustrated.

“Listen. I had my assistant send you chocolate covered strawberries to your office. I don’t really know what else you want from me.” you bite back. You’ve had enough of this argument and want to be home already so you can take something for your pain and try to get some rest. 

“I didn’t even know that, seeing as I had to call out and use a sick day to take you to the doctor.” she says, and you feel your scalp get hot, your temper flaring.

“So you are mad you had to bring me to the doctor.” 

“I just don’t understand what a ruptured eardrum has to do with driving!” she says, her voice raising a bit. “You didn’t take your pain meds this morning so you technically would have been fine to drive… I just don’t appreciate that I had to use my PTO on Valentine’s day and all I’m doing is driving Miss Daisy.” 

“I don’t know if you realize this, but I’m in a lot of fucking pain.” you grit out, and she scoffs a laugh.

“Yeah. I’ve heard.” 

You know you’re about to lose it, so you close your eyes for a moment, gathering your composure. Unfortunately, she just keeps going.

“I thought I was going to spend my Valentine’s day getting bitten and scratched by your brother’s awful fucking cat, but now that you’re all home, I get to spend my evening dealing with you while you’re miserable and in pain, and I’m not sure which is worse.” 

“You act like I’m home on some vacation… I have a work function tomorrow even if I’m not out at the shows, so–”

“Are you kidding me?! You somehow have MORE obligations now that you’re home? I guess I’m the fool for thinking we would have more than a few hours to spend together.” She cuts the wheel and turns sharply into your driveway. You grab the handle of the door and grumble under your breath at the way she’s driving like a maniac.

“Look, it’s not like I asked to go. Jake and Danny did the last one, so now Sam and I are stuck going tomorrow. It’s supposed to be nice. It’s a fancy thing, dinner and drinks. I figured you would be my date.” 

You watch her turn off the car and think for a moment, the word “date” appealing to her a little bit, which is exactly what you had hoped.

“Come on. I missed you and I feel like shit and you’re… you’re all prickly. Can’t we just have a nice night in? I’ll make it up to you. I just want to take a nap.”

She seems to be thinking about it as she gets out of the car. You unbuckle your seatbelt and follow suit, walking around to her side and reaching for her hand. Tugging her closer, you wrap your other arm around her shoulders and kiss her on the side of her head with some force. 

“Okay, okay…” she relents, leaning in to you. 

“I love you. You’re still my Valentine, right?” you ask, nuzzling your nose into her hair and squeezing her tighter. It works up a little giggle out of her, which means you’re in the clear. 

“I guess so. You didn’t even ask me.” 

You squeeze her again, this time digging your fingertips into her sides to tickle another laugh out of her. 

“It was on the card that came with the strawberries, obviously.” you quip, peppering her cheek and neck in kisses while she continues to soften up. 

“Oh, get out of here. Go take your damn nap.” she says with a smile, turning you by the shoulders towards the house and pushing gently. 

—

HER POV

You hear the soft padding of feet upstairs and the whip of the flat sheet as your bed is remade, pulling your attention away from your computer screen as you send off emails. The sun is set now, the room cast in darkness, and you figure Josh has slept off the fatigue that was a result of his medications. You gently close your computer, setting it next to you on the couch as you hear his feet walking slowly down the stairs. You turn to lay eyes on him, looking a little worse for wear in his low slung joggers, but still glowing as usual. 

“Hey baby, you feel any better?” you ask, resting your chin on the back of the fluffy leather couch cushion. 

“No. Not really, but it’s fine.” he pauses, reaching the landing and walking up to the back of the couch. He pulls his phone from his pocket and checks the time, “You want to get ready, we can go grab dinner?” he asks, running a hand over his messy curls. 

“I would love to, but are you sure you want to?” you ask, a little surprised that he actually wants to go out. 

“Yeah, I have to eat with these antibiotics.” he says, pushing off the couch, and heading into the kitchen. “How long do you need to get ready?”

“Um, I don’t know, twenty minutes or so?” you answer, standing quickly and grabbing your phone from the coffee table. 

“Alright, I’ll be up there to change in a minute.”

You take the stairs two at a time, rounding the corner into your bedroom, and dashing into the closet. You finger through your hangers searching for the perfect outfit, the idea not occurring to you that you’d need one since he wasn’t even supposed to be home for Valentine’s day this year. 

You pull a dark burgundy top from the hanger, the thick sweater material perfect for the cold snap that has swept over Nashville this week. You pull your t-shirt over your head and put it on while reaching for a pair of dark wash jeans. After shimmying into the denim pants, you find a pair of heels, kicking off your socks and securing the buckle at your ankle. 

You make a mad dash into the bathroom, doing a quick version of your normal make up and running a curling iron through your hair. You’re spraying your wrist with his favorite perfume just as you see him walk past the bathroom door and into the closet. You can hear him changing clothes, grabbing his coat and pulling it over his arms as he steps into the bathroom and meets your gaze in the mirror. 

“Wow, uh, you know it’s freezing out, right? Actually, colder than freezing.” he says, adjusting his sleeves. 

“Yeah, I’ll grab my coat from the closet down stairs, no big deal.” you answer, walking towards him and shutting off the bathroom light. 

“You sure you want to wear heels?” he asks, as he ushers you downstairs, a lilt in his voice.

You open the coat closet, grabbing your jacket and pulling it over your arms. “Yeah, why not?”

He throws his hands up, “Just asking…”

You grab your purse from the kitchen counter, following his lead out to the car. He makes a point to open your car door, shutting it behind you before skittering across the front of the car to join you. 

With the turn of his keys, his Jeep roars to life, his fingers quickly pressing the buttons to turn on the heat. He puts the car in reverse, backing up enough to turn around in the driveway, the gravel crunching beneath his tires. He lays his hand over top of yours on your thigh, clasping your hand in his. He licks over his lips and turns to look at you. 

“Hey,” he pauses, waiting until he has your attention. You let your eyes meet his, before he refocuses on the road. “I’m sorry about earlier… I just have a short fuse when I’m in pain. Thank you for taking me today, and thanks for taking care of me.”

“Oh, it’s– it’s okay, I know you don’t feel good. Don’t worry about it, baby. We’re here now, right?” you say, offering him a lopsided smile.

He pats your thigh as he drives down the road, leading you into town as he mouths the words to the songs playing through the speakers. Your heart flutters as you look at him, your head tilting back to rest on the headrest, just happy to be with him, and happy that he changed his mind about doing something tonight. 

You’re quickly pulled from your daydreams as he whips the car into the parking lot of Phil’s Tavern, a local spot that is not exactly known for its phenomenal cuisine, sitting a whopping 5 minutes away from your home. You sit up a little straighter, making sure you’re seeing this right, and that he really is parking the car. 

“Phil’s…” you question, turning to look at him. 

“...Yeah? Did you want something else…?” he asks, as if annoyed you’d question his decision.

“You said– You– I thought we were going to dinner, not picking up sandwiches from the fucking neighborhood bar?!” you shout. 

“I’m not getting a sandwich. I’m getting soup. You can get whatever you want.” he says, pulling his keys from the ignition, and opening his door. 

A huff leaves your mouth as your jaw hangs slack, watching in shock as he shuts the door behind himself and makes his way to yours. He opens yours and offers you a hand to step down, but you’re still sitting in shock that this is his idea of a romantic Valentine’s day date. 

“Josh…” you admonish, looking down at your heels and sweater. 

“What? I asked you if you wanted to wear that and you said yes!” he says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Yeah! I didn’t think we were going to fucking Phil’s, Josh! It’s Valentine’s Day! I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there aren’t a lot of cars in the parking lot?!”

He clicks his tongue, and looks around. “Perfect, then we have the place to ourselves.”

Your eyes close on their own and you take a deep breath to keep yourself from having a meltdown. You grab your purse from the floorboard and grab his hand, stepping out of the car and snatching it away from him as soon as your feet hit the gravel.

He shuts the door behind you and locks the car, the two of you walking quickly into the dimly lit bar and grill. You walk up to the counter to order, watching as the bartender throws back a shot with the guys at the end of the bar. You catch his attention and he rushes over to the order counter pulling a pen out of his pocket. “What can I get ‘cha?”

“Hey man, can we uh– I’ll take the soup of the day, whatever it is is fine.” 

“It’s ahh, it’s Chicken Tortilla.” he answers. 

“Yeah, that’s great, thanks.” he answers, pulling his wallet from his pocket. “Babe?” he murmurs, wanting you to order. 

“Okay, I’ll do a Cuban, extra pickles.” you say, crossing your arms over your chest. 

He nods, “Outta Cuban bread, sorry sweets.” 

“Okay I’ll do the Italian then.” you concede, watching him scribble it down on the notepad.

“You want that hot or cold?” he asks. 

“Hot.”

“Think our press is down, but I can check.” he says, turning to shout towards the kitchen.

“It’s down, is cold fine?” he asks, him and Josh both staring at you. 

“Fuck.” you mutter under your breath. “Yes, fine.”

“$17.97.” he says, ringing the service bell for the staff. Josh swipes his card through the card reader and puts it back into his wallet, placing it back in his pocket before thanking the man at the counter. 

“Oh shit, I didn’t tell him it’s to go. You don’t care if we take it home, right? It’s a little loud in here.” he doesn't give you a chance to answer before stepping back up to the window.

You pull your phone from your purse, opening Instagram to mindlessly scroll while you wait for your food, seeing story after story of the dates your friends are on, fueling your rage all the more. You didn’t care that you weren’t at a fancy restaurant. You didn’t care that you were having a sandwich. You cared that he seemingly didn’t care about how you were feeling. That it was just any other old day to him, simply because he didn’t subscribe to the holiday. But that didn’t mean you didn’t. You tried to see the bright side, that he was home, and that you were at least together, even if he was in a sour mood.

He steps back over to you, pulling his own phone from his pocket and sending a few texts. You can’t help but notice how carefree he is, completely unbothered and oblivious to how you’re feeling as you stand right next to him.  

“You wanna watch a movie or something when we get back?” he asks, putting his phone in his jacket pocket. 

“What movie?” you ask, raising a brow.

“I don’t know, a documentary? We can find something, I’ll probably fall asleep watching it anyways.”

You huff out a laugh, “Of course. Yeah, whatever you want Josh.”

“What’s your deal tonight, Y/N, Jesus…”

You feel your blood boiling beneath your skin and just as you are about to unleash, the order bell rings and a brown paper bag is placed on the counter. Josh steps up and grabs it, pulling his car keys from his pocket and heading for the door, leaving you to follow behind him.

—

He pulls into the driveway rapidly, rocks flying as he throws the car into park. Shutting off the engine he pulls his keys from the ignition and grabs the brown paper bag from the center console. “Come on, let’s get inside. I’ll start the fireplace.”

You huff as you step out of the car, making your way up the walkway, pulling the sleeves of your coat over your hands. He unlocks the front door and places the to-go bag on the kitchen counter on his way to the living room.  

You take off your coat and hang it in the closet, pulling your foot up to release the buckles of your heels, letting you drop back down to your normal height. You can hear him mumbling in the living room, clearly having a hard time getting the fire lit. You walk into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of red wine off the top of the fridge, and searching around the junk drawer for the corkscrew. It’s no time at all before you’re popping the cork out of the bottle and pouring the Merlot into a bulbous green colored wine glass. 

He joins you in the kitchen, washing his hands in the sink before looking over at you, starting to take the first sip of your wine. “Really? You’re serious…”

“Serious, what? About this glass of wine? Yeah, I am.” you quip, swallowing down the first sip.

“You’re really gonna drink my favorite wine, right in front of me when you know I can’t have any? What are you playing at tonight, Y/N?” he seethes, pulling his plastic container of soup from the bag.

“What am I playing at? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that just because you can’t drink, meant that I had to follow suit! My mistake!” you shout, setting the glass down on the marble countertop maybe a little more forcefully than you should have. 

He shakes his head trying to rid the nasty thoughts you know are swirling around up there as he pulls a spoon from the utensil drawer. “Whatever, I’m gonna take this to the couch.”

You grab a plate from the cabinet in front of you, unwrapping your sandwich and placing it on the plate. You look over and see him tinkering with the TV remote, no doubt queueing up something the two of you have watched, studied, and rewatched a hundred times. You grab your wine glass and your plate and join him in the living room, setting your items on the coffee table before sitting at the opposite end of the couch. 

The tension in the air is thick, neither of you wanting to say anything for fear of it turning into yet another argument. So instead, he presses play on the remote, and as suspected, ‘Kubrick by Kubrick’ begins to play for the 77th time in this household.

“Josh, really…” you whine, your shoulders slumping in defeat. 

“I don’t want to get too invested in anything, I’m gonna pass out as soon as I finish this soup.” he answers, turning up the volume to effectively silence you.  

“Can’t we watch something, I don’t know… With a plot? With a shred of romance? That we haven’t seen a hundred times?” you barter, talking over the intro music.

“Can’t you just let me enjoy being home for once?” he snaps, pressing pause on the remote.

Your eyes dial in on his, and almost poetically, you’re positive he can see the reflection of the flames in the fireplace dancing across your infuriated eyes.

“For once…” you breathe, biting your tongue.  “Sure, sure. You uh– you just enjoy yourself, okay? I would hate to ruin your time at home with my presence.” you say, standing up from the couch with your wine glass in hand, leaving your sandwich laying there as you bound up the stairs. 

Before you even reach the top you hear the music blare back to life, and the slurping of the soup from his spoon. If you had a bedroom door you would slam it but fucking of course, you don’t.

You place your wine glass on your nightstand before walking into your closet ridding yourself of the wasted outfit. You pull a slinky black satin slip from your pajama drawer, dropping it over your bare body before padding back out to the bedroom to close the curtains. 

You draw back the fluffy flax colored duvet, thinking of nothing but positively melting into your olive green linen sheets; a Christmas splurge the two of you decided you couldn’t live without. Sinking down into the feather pillows you let out a sigh, finding yourself exactly where you expected to be tonight, before you ever knew Josh was coming home for a few days.

You settle in with your glass of wine and your kindle, reading love stories of men, who at this point, you were sure didn’t really exist. An hour or so later, when the wine was long gone, and the house had grown quiet you heard the front door lock, and the flick of the light switches downstairs. You switched off your lamp, hoping to avoid any further conversation for the night, placing your tablet on the nightstand and pulling the sheets up over your shoulders. 

His footfall is light as he pads up the wooden stairs, rounding the corner hesitantly as he catches sight of you in the bed. He slides his hand down the wall as he enters the room, walking quietly into the bathroom and shutting the door. You can hear the sink running and the sound of him tossing his clothes into the hamper as you close your eyes and will yourself to fall asleep.

It’s not long until you hear the door open and feel the dip in the bed as he slides in behind you, a  gentle sigh leaving his lips as he sinks into the sheets. You feel the brush of his knuckles as they glide up your spine. “I know you’re not asleep, my love…”

Knowing you’re caught, you turn softly to your back, “No, you don’t know. I could have been.”

A soft smile forms on his lips, a few misplaced curls falling over his forehead, “Not true. I know you fall asleep with your arms over your head every single night. And in the middle of the bed. You never sleep on your side of the bed.”

“Well maybe I want to tonight.” you quip, rolling back to your side and repositioning the sheets.

“Come on baby, don’t be like that.” he says, wrapping his arm around your waist. He pulls you towards him, his obviously nude body conforming to yours. You can feel him, hard against your back and you push away from him. 

“Josh…” you scold. 

“What, baby…” he asks, running his hand along the curve of your waist. “I miss you…”

“You didn’t an hour ago!” you sneer.

“Yes I did! I miss you all the time! Every single day I’m away from you. That’s why you moved in, remember? So I could spend every day with you when I’m home?” he pauses, “Every night like this?”

“Josh, I just– Tonight was… Well the entire day, really, was rough. I’m not exactly in a romantic mood at the moment.” you answer.

“Well that’s okay, you can just blow me instead.” he says, more of a demand than a question, his lips brushing against your shoulder. 

“Oh can I?! How generous of you to offer that to me! What a privilege!” you mock. “You really have earned it, I can’t believe I didn’t think of this myself!” you scorn, reaching for his hand and shoving it towards his dick. “Try that instead!”

“Goddamn you’re being such a bitch!” he seethes, throwing the duvet off of himself and snatching his phone from the nightstand. 

“Yeah! Happy Valentine’s day to you too, Josh!” you spit one last time as you watch him pull on a pair of boxers. He smooths his hand over his face and runs his tongue under his lips, looking at you one more time before stomping his way down the stairs. 

—

JOSH POV

It took you approximately fourteen seconds after you said it to know you fucked up. It took you two more seconds to realize there was no coming back from it, at least that’s what you deduced as you tossed and turned on the living room couch all night. You spent those sleepless hours racking your brain for ways you could fix this. You were a dick, admittedly, in pain or not, and she in no way deserved the way you treated her.

You pulled your sore body up from the couch, tossing the throw blanket over the arm as you made your way up the stairs. She was still sleeping, sprawled across the middle of the bed with your pillow hugged to her face. You wished you could take back what you said. You wished you had taken her somewhere nicer than Phil’s. You should have known that when you saw her in heels and smelled your favorite perfume. She dressed up for you. But you couldn’t see past your own selfish needs. You only cared about yourself and what you wanted. 

You kicked yourself the entire time you spent under the spray of the shower, knowing that of the three sporadic days you would spend at home with her, you’d let one go completely to shit. Then tonight, you’d spend the whole night schmoozing with label executives, where she would willingly stand in your shadow until it was time to go home. 

Unless…

A smile spread across your face as you formulated your plan, and as you shut off the water and wrapped a towel around your waist you hoped and prayed it would work. 

—

You rap your knuckles against the old wooden front door, peeking through the glass to see if there is any movement inside. It’s nearly noon and you know he’s in there, but whether or not he’s awake is the question. You shove your hands into your pockets, the cold air whipping through the porch a little too harshly for your liking. 

You hear his footsteps bounding down the stairs and you see him appear through the glass, a strange look on his face as he opens the door. 

“If you’re on my doorstep, you want something that a text wouldn’t cover.” he says, raising a brow.

“Can I not come visit my twin?” you ask, pushing past him into his warm house.

“No, I think your last words to me when we left the airport were ‘Fuck off, don’t call me, I’ll see you in three days’, but I could be mistaken.” he says, shutting the front door. 

“Listen…” you counter, flopping yourself down onto his couch with a huff.

He stands across the living room with his hands on his hips and a small smile on his lips. There’s something different about him, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Almost like a little bit of life has been breathed into him. 

“Why do you look different…” you ask, the intrusive thought pushing through.

“I don’t.” he says, putting his hands on his hips. His eyes flick up to the window behind you, before looking back at you. 

You cut your eyes at him, you can tell he’s not telling the truth but you let it go because you have more important issues to deal with. 

“I need a favor.” you say, cutting right to the chase. 

He raises his eyebrows signaling for you to continue. 

“I need you to go to this event tonight in my place, I–”

“No.” he shouts, cutting you off. 

“Jake, please. Y/N and I got in a huge fight and I have to make it up to her and I can’t if I have to go to this fucking thing tonight.” you explain, giving him the shortened version. 

“No. Actually, my answer is not only no, but fuck no.” Jake stood with his arms crossed across his chest. You let your head flop back onto his couch, a groan leaving your chest. 

“You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t fucking dire.” You plead. “I fucked up, and I have to make it right. Please Jake…”

“Jesus Christ, it’s Thanksgiving all over again. You know Josh, if you and Y/N didn’t fight like this every other day, I might be more willing to consider it. One day you’re gonna fuck around and lose her for good.” he says, shaking his head and rubbing his hand over his chin. “Hold on, you two fought on Valentine’s day? Fuckin’ poetic. What did you do, buy the wrong flowers? The wrong chocolates?”

“No, I… Didn’t get her flowers.” you mumble, hoping he didn’t hear you. 

“Okay, so no flowers. Did you take her out to dinner or something?” he asks, tilting his head.

“No, I mean, well, kind of.” you mumble again. “Didn’t really think about it.”

“Where did you take her Josh.” he demands, crossing his arms again. 

“We went to Phil’s…And got…To-go…” you answer, realizing again as you say it out loud how bad it sounds. 

“The fucking sandwich place Josh, you’re kidding me…” he spits, starting to pace around the room. 

“Don’t act all high and mighty Jacob, you sat home alone...” you retort, knowing this isn’t helping your case.

He lifts his finger to you, pointing at you with a scowl, “Fuck you. Also, it sounds like she was justified. Didn’t she take you to the doctor yesterday? Hasn’t she been catering to your ass since we’ve been back?”

“Yeah.” you answer. 

“And you didn’t plan a single thing at all…” he confirms. 

“Correct.” you say, over enunciating the ‘T’.

“Asshole.”

“Okay, so you agree, I fucked up and need to fix this.” you say, gesturing with your hands. “So go to the event tonight in my place and let me smooth things over with Y/N tonight.”

“Sorry, but I can’t. I have plans.” he answers, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Plans?! With who? You don’t leave your house!” you shout, seeing a blur of black fur and claws tear across the living room. “Jesus, I always forget you have that thing.”

“Yeah, I’m not keeping it.” he says, shaking his head. “And it’s none of your business. You’re going to that event. The label doesn’t care if you’re in a fight with your girlfriend. They are expecting you, and you are who they’re gonna get. Plus, Sam will be there so you don’t have to do all the talking. Take her with you, lay it on thick, and take her home. Things will blow over like they always do and you’ll be back to your 2AM facetime gushy bullshit in no time.”

“Fuck…” you sigh, laying down across his couch. “I just don’t think it’s gonna go that way. This was a bigger fight than usual.” you say, feeling your phone vibrating in your pocket. You pull it out to see your timer flashing, indicating it is time for your next dose of antibiotics. 

You reach into your other pocket, pulling out the loose pill, and grabbing the glass of water you assume to be Jake’s from the coffee table. You swallow down the pill as he watches in contempt, checking the time on his phone. 

“Do you need anything else?” he asks, pacing around his living room. 

“No. Guess fuckin’ not. What are you getting into today?” you ask, relaxing back into the cushions. 

“I have… some errands to run. And a few other things.” he says, dismissively. 

“Errands and a few other things? Who the fuck are you…” you ask, stretching your legs out on to the coffee table.

“I was about to take a shower, are you staying or going?” he asks, and as you lay your head back on the couch your eyes start to feel heavy.

“Just gonna rest my eyes for a minute.” you answer, getting more comfortable. 

“Goddamnit, Josh… Okay, but you’re leaving when I do.”

—

The sound of the front door closing is what wakes you, and as you come to you see Jake standing in front of you with grocery bags, clearly back from his errands. 

“Well, good morning.” he says, his tone a little snipped. 

“Shit, what time is it?” you ask, pulling your phone from your pocket and checking the time. Fuck. 

“Yeah, time for you to go the fuck home and get ready.” he says, making his way into the kitchen. 

“Alright, I’m outta here, good luck with your… plans…” you smirk, making your way to the door. 

“Don’t need luck, but sounds like you do. Fix it, Josh.” he says, pushing you out the front door and slamming it behind you. 

—

HER POV

As you leave the house, you think back on how many hours it’s been since you spoke to Josh. He popped into the bedroom when he got home and let you know that you had to leave by 6 to get to the event on time, but you don’t really count that as a conversation. You hadn’t actually exchanged words since your argument before bed. 

The two of you sit in complete silence as he drives, the radio turned down so low it’s barely audible. You hold your jacket close around you, unable to shake the chill from the awful cold snap plaguing Nashville. 

As you arrive, Josh quickly gets out of his Jeep, jogging around to your door to open it and offer you a hand to step out. You accept it, begrudgingly, and steady yourself on the asphalt. You opted for smaller heels tonight, a little scorned from the night before. You look at him and see his slightly forced smile under the streetlight. He’s in his favorite brown suit, his hair in perfect curls, three tiny, metallic dots painted on the apples of his cheeks. He looks sinfully good, and if you weren’t so upset with him, you’d kiss him square on the lips.

“I know you don’t want to be here. Just… at least try to smile in the pictures, okay?” He says, a hopeful lilt to his voice. 

You give him a little side-eye before starting to walk towards the front doors of the venue. He catches up with you after locking the car, his hand landing on your upper back as he ushers you into the front door he’s holding open for you.

The two of you wait in line for the coat check, your eyes scanning the lobby for anyone you may know. You don’t recognize anyone, so you shuffle ahead in line and keep your coat pulled tight around you. Once you’re a bit further up in line, almost to the front, you hear a familiar voice. 

“Heeeeey guys!” 

Sam’s arms wrap around both of you from behind, pulling you into a forced group hug. He unintentionally cuts the entire coat check line to stand with you and Josh.

“Hi Sammy,” you mumble, giving him a halfhearted smile. He looks to Josh, who forces a grin, his nose scrunching up in a way that makes it clear to Sam that the two of you aren’t getting along. It’s nothing new to Sam, so he shrugs it off. 

The line moves again and you’re finally at the front. A friendly young girl is standing behind the podium at the entry to the closet, a few guys running back and forth to take coats and put them in their assigned spots. She offers the three of you a smile as she looks down and tears a tab in half. 

“Can I take your coat, sir?” she asks Josh as you start to shrug your own off your shoulders.

“Ohoho, trying to get me out of my clothes, young lady? I just walked in the door!” he says, like he’s some sort of comedian. You roll your eyes so hard you think they may fall out of your head and fold your coat over your arm. She laughs, her cheeks turning pink as she accepts your coat instead. She dutifully hands the coat to the boy behind her, then offers the other half of the ticket up, between you and Josh for either to grab it.

“And now you’re trying to give me your number?” he jokes with a charismatic grin, seeing the number 107 on your ticket. She lets out a shameless giggle at that one and you can’t help but shake your head and walk away, uninterested in hearing any more of his god awful jokes. You arrived in a terrible mood and he’s already managed to make your night worse.

Passing through the entrance to the cocktail hour, you grab a glass of champagne and thank the server. Taking a big sip, you look behind you and see Sam and Josh approaching, Josh talking animatedly with his hands to Sam, but Sam is looking straight ahead. At you. 

His eyes scan over your figure- you’re in a champagne satin mini-dress. The cowl neckline is loose, but the waist pulls in due to the lace-up back. The shimmery color is brought to life under the light right above where you’re standing. Sam isn’t listening to a single word Josh is saying, just nodding and staring at you from a distance as his steps slow. 

It’s then that you cook up a terrible idea, if not the worst you’ve ever had. If Josh wants to treat you like he doesn’t care about you and put more romantic energy into the coat check girl than he’s shown you in days, you may as well give him a taste of his own medicine. Right?

Sam eventually pulls his eyes away from your body, nodding cluelessly at Josh. He can’t help it and looks back at you again, but this time, Josh’s gaze follows his. You sip your champagne, ignoring the way Josh’s eyebrows raise in surprise as his neck cranes forward slightly. You can read his lips as he says, “Jesus Christ.” and look away without giving him a reaction. 

The two of them make their way over to the high top cocktail table you’ve claimed as your own. Josh clears his throat and musters up the courage to speak to you. His voice sounds like it might crack. 

“I’ve never seen that dress. Where’d you get it?” he asks, giving you another once-over now that he’s closer.

“You sent it to me while you were in Paris for my birthday.” you answer dryly. “Or was that your assistant too?” 

He closes his eyes and lets out a sigh, realizing he’s just dug himself a little bit deeper. 

“Come to think of it, Josh, have you ever bought me a gift yourself? Or do you just send the people that work for you on errands to ship me fancy baubles to keep me quiet and occupied while you’re away?” 

He steps a little closer to you, lowering his voice. 

“Do we have to do this here?” he pleads. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember. You look beautiful. Okay? Let me go get you a drink. What do you want?” 

You cut your eyes to Sam, who seems to be trying to occupy himself by staring up at the ceiling. Letting out a big sigh, you mumble back a tired, “Champagne,” to Josh. 

He nods and walks off, heading for the bar. In the meantime, you look at Sam, who’s giving you a nervous smile. 

“Sorry. It’s been… a rough few days.” You confess. “This ear thing has turned him into a jackass.” 

“Oh, yeah. He complained the whole way home.” Sam says, commiserating. 

“So it’s not just me?!” You laugh, Sam joining you. 

“No no. Not just you.”

You notice Josh is on his way back and decide to test the waters. Reaching forward, you step closer to Sam and adjust the collar of his shirt under his suit jacket, your touch lingering as you let your hand brush down the front of his chest before tugging his jacket into place and pulling your hands back to yourself. You’re in close proximity, so you look up at him with a little bat of your eyelashes. 

“Oh. Thank you!” He says, a little caught off guard, but he’s Sam, and he’s friendly, and you know he’s going to let you get away with it. 

Josh appears and somehow squeezes his arm between you and Sam, placing your champagne on the table. He’s noticed the mischievous glint in your eye and it’s game on. 

The event starts to pick up, more and more people roping Josh into conversations. It’s obvious that he’s the more recognizable of the two brothers there tonight, so you find yourself left standing with Sam on more than a few occasions. 

“Did you trim your hair?” You ask him, reaching out to twirl the end of his shiny brown locks around your finger. He chuckles softly, feeling a little bashful. Josh is at your side but deep in conversation with a man you’ve never seen in your life.

“Yeeaaaaah, I did, it was getting a little unruly. Just trying to keep it healthy. I’m surprised you noticed.” 

“Of course I noticed, Sammy. Some people may not notice you. But I always do.” Your voice is syrupy sweet. You feel a nudge from the other side of you and Josh is clearly eavesdropping, his brain working overtime as he nods at the gentleman talking his ear off while also listening to you and Sam. Sam doesn’t notice and gives you a soft laugh, shrugging. His cheeks are tinted a little pink. He’s too easy. 

“Why don’t we go find our table for dinner, hm?” Josh suggests, cutting his conversation short, which is just not in his character. You finish your last sip of champagne and leave your glass on the table. 

“You heard him. C’mon, Sammy boy.” 

You reach for his arm, linking it with yours. Josh gives you a look, but you usher him forward with a dismissive gesture. He glowers at you before walking toward the seating chart to see that the three of you are at table six. Sam follows along, his hand in his pocket as you hold on to his forearm. 

You settle into the chair between Sam and Josh. You opt for the chicken when the caterers come around, and both Sam and Josh go for the fish. There are a few speeches that go on before your plates arrive, so you sit politely and listen, Josh’s back to you as the speakers present. Since Sam is behind you, there are a few points where you turn around to laugh with him about something the presenter says. Josh stays facing forward, effectively blocking the two of you out. 

As your plates are delivered, everyone starts to eat, the table occasionally chattering, but it’s mostly quiet as some music plays. 

“How’s the chicken?” Josh asks, trying to make small talk. You take a bite, nodding. 

“Really good. And the fish?” You ask politely, but you don’t really care. 

“Delicious. Do you want a bite?” He asks, gesturing to his plate with his utensils. 

“Oh, no. No thanks.” You reply, turning away. He shrugs and goes back to eating his dinner, sipping his water.

“Do you wanna try a bite of the chicken, Sammy?” You ask, raising your eyebrows. You give him a soft smile as he nods, swallowing his bite.

Cutting a piece, you lift your fork towards Sam and he instinctively opens his mouth. Your other hand comes up under his chin to make sure he doesn’t get any sauce on his jacket. He accepts the bite from your fork and chews, nodding. 

“Oh, that’s really good. I should have gotten that.” He says, talking with his mouth full. It’s then that the stranger next to Sam interjects. 

“How long have you two been together?” She says, a nosey but well meaning woman. Josh nearly chokes on his dinner, pulling his cloth napkin up to his mouth as he coughs. It’s such a distraction that you don’t hear what Sam says to her. 

Once Josh stops coughing, he looks at you with a subtle anger behind his eyes. 

“Can you stop? I get it. You made your point.” Josh grumbles through gritted teeth. You feign innocence, blinking at him with bullshit doe eyes. 

“What point, Josh?” 

“You’re flirting with my brother so blatantly that strangers think you’re dating. What the fuck am I supposed to do, just sit here and let it happen?” 

Sam, realizing tensions are high, starts to stand up. 

“I’m gonna go get some air…” he says, departing from the table like it’s on fire. 

“I’m not flirting with him. I’m just being nice to him. You remember what that is, right? Being nice?” You say with an attitude, tilting your head as you wait for an answer. 

“Cut it out.” He tenses his jaw and his mouth barely moves as he scolds you like you’re some kind of dog. 

“Fuck you, Josh.” You’re not putting up with it for another second, so you push away from the table, grab your drink, and head in the direction Sam went. 

As you sneak through the crowds and the bar lines, you check to see if Josh is following you, but he’s still seated at the table. You see Sam through the glass doors, standing under a tent that’s doing little to nothing to stop the wind, smoking a cigarette. Gently pressing against the push bar, you slip outside and approach him tentatively. 

It’s quiet between the two of you as he gives you a smile that’s more of a grimace, though you know him and know that it’s not his intention. 

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, you know that, right?” He says, giving you a knowing smirk as he exhales some smoke. You sigh, kicking at a pebble beneath your feet. You hold your glass of champagne with both hands, your thumb nervously running along the side of it. 

“I feel like I do. But sometimes I can’t help myself.” You peer up at him, a coy smile spreading across your face. He lets out a laugh, shaking his head. 

“You two are a match made in hell,” he starts, bringing the cigarette back to his lips. “But I can’t imagine him with anyone else.” 

You roll your eyes. Lately you’ve been feeling like Josh doesn’t even want to be with you anymore, but it’s not like you would have time to even discuss splitting up in person, since he’s hardly around long enough. Instead of divulging any of that to Sam, you lift your head and step closer. 

“Can I have a drag of that?” You ask, giving him a mischievous smirk. 

“Oh, I don’t know about that. You know how he is.” Sam says, well aware that the only thing Josh thinks it’s okay to smoke is not cigarettes. 

“Just one.” You bargain, looking out at the parking lot for a moment, then up at him with doe eyes. He can’t help but smile at you in return. 

“Don’t even touch it. He’ll smell it on your hands.” He jokes, turning it around in his fingers and holding it towards you. You tilt up your chin, smiling sweetly before he moves it closer to your pouty, glossy lips. Your eyes close gently and you start to inhale. 

Within seconds, it’s pulled from your lips, and all you hear is Sam’s thick Michigan accent as he whines, “OWWWW!” your eyes shooting open. 

“I will break every bone in your fuckin’ hand if you don’t get the fuck out of here right now, Samuel.” Josh threatens, suddenly outside with the two of you on the patio. Sam grabs the cigarette from his restrained hand with his free one, dropping it to the ground and stepping on it with wide eyes. 

Josh pushes his arm towards him as he lets it go and Sam nearly trips over himself, mumbling a startled, “Jesus Christ.” before adjusting his suit jacket and heading for the door.  

“And you.” Josh is positively seething, as he steps up to you. “What am I going to do with you, hm?”

You nervously step backwards, leaning onto the railing behind you as he cages you in. “Josh, I’m–”

“Oh, it’s a little late for that, don't you think? I fucking warned you, Y/N.” His hand grips into your elbow, yanking your forward and dragging you behind him as you make your way back inside the building. “Get your fucking coat and meet me at the front door.” he says, releasing you as you enter back into the large crowd. 

You walk back over to your table, collecting your bag and your champagne before rushing over towards the coat check. You hand the same girl your ticket stub, and you anxiously sip your champagne as you wait. You may have pushed him too far this time. Seconds later she returns with your coat, and you take it with a smile, pulling it over your arms and making your way to the front door. 

Josh is waiting, chewing a piece of gum a little harsher than necessary. His jaw is hard set and his cheeks are pink and you know this does not bode well for you. As you approach him he offers a small wave and a smile to someone behind you, before letting his eyes drift back to yours, full of fury, the tension returning to his body. 

“Oh, so you can listen.” he says, yanking the large glass door open, both of you being hit with the cold outside air. You step out the door and begin the walk to the car, clutching your jacket close to your body. Your teeth chatter as the wind hits you, your whole body shivering. 

“What, are you cold in that slutty little dress?” he asks, walking a little too quickly for you to keep up with him. “Seemed just fine on the patio with Sam. Suck it up and keep walking.”

He turns his head looking back at you as you try to drink down the rest of your champagne. He reaches for the glass, ripping it from your hand and tossing it into the bushes. You hear the glass shatter and you’re a little taken aback. You’ve never seen him this mad before, and you hate that you kinda like it. 

“Josh!” you shout, you cheeks heating at his aggressiveness, and you think the alcohol in your system is to blame for that. 

“What has gotten into you, Y/N?! You think– You think you can just go around acting like a little slut at my work events? With my fucking brother? Do you know how that looks!?” he shouts, as you round the corner, steadily approaching the car. He is still chewing the gum too hard, hoping it will relieve some of the tension pulsing through his body.  

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Josh, I think the pain meds are making you crazy.” you scoff, completely brushing off his accusations, even though he is completely right. 

“Oh, fuck offff…It’s not the pain meds, it’s you! You’re making me fucking crazy! Running around like a little trollop just to make me irate for sport!” he yells, his midwestern accent peeking out in his anger. 

He reaches for the door handle, yanking it open to let you step in, regardless of how angry he currently is. As you position yourself in the seat you turn to look at him, ready to deliver another snarky comment but as you open your mouth he cuts his eyes and slams the car door closed. You huff and fasten your seatbelt as he joins you on the other side. 

He starts the car and peels out of the parking spot, spinning the tires as he pulls out onto the main road. Your hands grasp at the door handle for stability, his expression unwavering as he continues to blow down the backstreets of downtown Nashville. 

“Josh, I–”

“No. Silence. Don’t say another fucking word until I speak to you first. Got it?” he snaps, the fury is thick in his voice. 

You cross your arms over your chest, debating whether or not to taunt him further. As if he can hear your thoughts he turns to you, speaking through clenched teeth. 

“Not. A. Fucking. Word.”

The rest of the drive home was spent in silence, and you could tell he was compiling his list of your transgressions. You knew that the second the front door shut behind you he was going to unleash every bit of it on you, and to be quite honest, you couldn’t wait.

Once he tears recklessly up the driveway, he kills the engine and the headlights. Throwing open the door, he slams it behind him and makes his way around to the passenger side. Despite his burning anger, he’s still insistent on opening your door for you. He offers you a hand and when you take it, you feel how warm he is to the touch. Hopping down to the ground, he lets you steady yourself, then tugs your hand so you’re forced to walk in front of him. He lets go once he knows you’ve gotten the hint and start off wobbling through the gravel in your heels like a baby deer as he locks the car. 

You wait next to the front door, knowing Josh has his keys and you opted to leave yours at home to save space in your clutch. He ignores you, his jaw still working overtime on the probably stale gum in his mouth, turning the key in the lock and pushing into the house. He leaves the door open for you to follow him in, so you do, shutting it gently as you slip off your heels. 

He tosses his keys onto the dining table and you watch as they slide to a halt as he rids himself of his suit coat, tossing it over the back of a chair. You make a move towards the closet, ready to hang your own coat but as you walk he steps in front of you, snatching the thick black fabric from your hands to throw it over the same chair. He stares at you with a hardened jaw, his face and ears red as he prepares for his onslaught, and as a small grin turns up the corner of your lips you see his anger tip the scales to catastrophic. 

“I don’t know why you’re so worked up, Josh. If I didn’t know any better I would say you’re acting a bit jealous. Or threatened, maybe?” you pause, tapping your finger to your chin. “Yeah, I think threatened is the right word. Are you nervous little Sammy is gonna steal your spotlight and your girl?”

“Steal my spotlight?” he responds, scoffing. It’s clear you hit a nerve there. “You need to learn when to keep your mouth shut. Especially when it comes to things you know nothing about.”

“I know how many people were bumping elbows with him tonight, talking about his upcoming projects, barely even asking about the album. He’s got his own career now.” you double down, narrowing your eyes at him, twisting the knife. He steps closer to you, his nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath. You know he’s about to lay into you for that.

“You should be grateful I even let you tag along to these fucking things.” he snaps, his voice raising. “You know, there’s a hell of a lot you should be grateful for, now that I think of it. Do you know how easy it would be for me to find a nice, quiet girl who waits patiently for me to come home and doesn’t spend every waking moment reminding me of my shortcomings?” 

You don’t like the direction he’s taking this, and you’re realizing you may have pushed him a little too far. 

“I could go down the line and pick any one I wanted, but I still come home to you. And this is what I have to put up with?” 

“So do it then! Go ahead and take your pick!” you shout, throwing your hands in the air. His cheeks grow red, and his eyes narrow. 

“But you won’t, will you Josh... Because you know that not a single one of them will stick around once they find out how you really are. When they find themselves home alone night after night. When you don’t speak to them for days at a time when you’re writing or on the road. When you miss their birthday… and every major holiday for that matter. When they find out that your idea of love and romance is having your assistant buy hush gifts you can’t be bothered to choose yourself. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s the one texting me from your phone, too!”

He slams his fist down on the dining table, his keys rattling against the wood. “That is not true, and you know it!”

“But it is, and you know who puts up with it? Me, because I love you. And I can promise that you’ll be hard pressed to find someone else who is willing to deal with all of that.”

“Dare me?” he challenges, wincing slightly as the pressure builds in his ear. 

“I don’t know Josh, is that what you want? Wouldn’t say I’d be surprised with how you’ve been acting lately.” you say, pushing away from the kitchen table and walking further into the house. 

“How I’ve been acting lately?” he scoffs, following after you, hot on your heels.

“Yeah! Like I’m such a burden to bear. Like you’d rather I wasn’t here. I’m practically your glorified assistant, or arm candy when you feel like dragging me along.”

You start to climb the stairs toward your bedroom, needing to get out of your dress and away from him. Unfortunately, Josh isn’t one to ever let you have the last word, and he starts bounding up the staircase after you.

“Is that what this is about? You’re still mad you had to bring me to the doctor? God forbid I ask you to do something besides complain and spend my money. I needed your help, because if you haven’t noticed, something pretty serious happened to me, but for some reason you won’t stop giving me a hard fucking time about it!” That comment about the money stops you in your tracks, leaving you glaring down at him on the step below you. 

“It’s not about your money and it’s not about me having to help you. It’s about you not giving a shit about how I feel and blowing me off when I try to tell you. All I want is for you to care! Have we grown so far apart that seeing me upset doesn’t even phase you anymore?”

Josh runs his tongue over his teeth as he tries to conjure up a response. He steps up so he’s on the landing with you, a little bit of silence settling over you both.

“And you thought…” he starts, looking out the window behind you for a moment, then back to your eyes. “You thought the way to get me to care… was to behave like a little slut?”

The energy suddenly shifts between you. You know that in the silence, he must have had a realization that he’s not meeting your needs. You feel your mouth go a little dry and you take a step backwards, reaching to hold on to the railing. 

“I–”

“You know what I think…” he says, moving closer, caging you in with his arms. “I think that I’ve been gone too long…” his breath is hot on your cheeks. “I think you’re due for an attitude adjustment.”

Your breath catches in your throat as you grip into the bannister. You swallow nervously, as his hand moves to meet your satin covered waist. “Yeah, I think I need to remind you just how good you have it, don’t I sweetheart?”

The words are there, swirling through your head but as his eyes peer into yours, nothing seems to come out. 

“S’matter, baby? Nothin’ to say suddenly? No smart ass remarks? I’m right, aren’t I? You need me to fuck some sense into you?” he growls, his fingers gripping into the curve of your waist. He nods his head in the direction of your bedroom, a crooked smirk on his face. 

“Go ahead and take off your earrings, baby. Get out of that unbecoming little dress and wait for me on the bed.” he says softly, rubbing a thumb over the apple of your cheek before walking off and locking himself in the bathroom. 

The cocktail of emotions your brain is floating in has you dizzy. You want to be angry at him, but you’re starting to feel a little embarrassed as you think back on how you acted at dinner. Part of you wants to cry, his harsh words hitting you where he knew it would hurt, but another is so turned on by the way he just flipped the switch on the entire emotionally charged exchange.

You shuffle into your shared bedroom, sitting gingerly at your vanity and taking off all of your jewelry. As you take off your rings, you stare at the earrings and necklace in your porcelain dish, remembering when he had gifted each piece to you. Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t care how long or how often he’s away…he just doesn’t know how to make it better. So he sends you trinkets from wherever he visits, reminding you that you’re on his mind. Your heart lurches as you realize that maybe all he wanted while he was away from home was a quiet dinner with you, his love, at Phil’s, and that’s why he didn’t take you out to an expensive steakhouse where you would undoubtedly sit awkwardly across from each other and make conversation. He wanted comfort. He wanted what he knows no other woman can give him. 

You hear the water start to run, which zaps you back into the moment. Standing from the velvet upholstered stool, you head for the walk-in closet and try to reach for the zipper on your dress. You can’t exactly get to it, stretching to try and pinch the zipper between your fingers. The bathroom door opens and you whip your head around, knowing he’s going to come looking for you. 

It’s only seconds before you feel his warm hands gliding across your hips, no doubt knowing you need his help with the zipper. Perhaps that’s why he purchased the dress to begin with. Knowing he would be the one to help you take it off. He moves your hair, laying it all to one side of your neck before pressing his lips to your skin. His fingers pinch the small zipper as he slides it down, letting the silk dress flutter down around your ankles. 

“Tell me you know that I love you.” he breathes, his lips brushing against your neck.

“I know you love me.” you answer, breathless as your chest heaves. 

His hands slide around to your bare stomach, pulling your body back until you’re flush with his own. “Now, tell me you’ll remember that.”

“I’ll remember.” you whisper, feeling him long and hard as he rests against your back. 

He grabs your hips and spins you around to face him, cupping your cheeks in his hands. “Good, because I’m about to fuck you like I don’t.”

A gasp leaves your chest as your eyes meet his, dark and blown out. He drags his thumb over your lips, smearing the remnants of your pink lipstick across your chin. “Now get on the bed like I told you the first time.”

Reluctantly pulling away from him, you make your way back into the bedroom, kneeling on the bed, sitting on your heels. You nervously cover your chest with your hands, the room feeling a little cold all of the sudden. He steps into the room, his hand lingering on the doorframe. 

“Move your hands,” he says, his voice quiet but stern. “You wanted the entire dinner table to see them. Why can’t I?”

Your cheeks burn red as you lower your hands to your lap. He approaches, his eyes scanning every inch of you like he’s appraising you.

“He didn’t touch you, did he?” he asks, pushing your hair behind your ear. “My brother?” 

You quickly start to shake your head. Maybe a little too quickly. You watch him with careful eyes as he lets his hand gently graze your throat, then move further down, the gears in his head turning.

“I bet you wanted him to, though…” he adds, pinching at your nipple teasingly, wanting a reaction. You take in a sharp breath between your teeth.

“No.” you say defensively.

“You like Sam because he’s so sweet. He cares. That’s what you want, right? Someone to wipe away your tears when you cry about meaningless shit? You know that’s his specialty.” 

“I don’t like Sam. I just wanted–”

“Save it.” Josh snaps, grabbing harshly at your cheeks to shut you up. He stares at you for a moment before placing a gentle kiss to your squished lips. He pulls away quickly, but doesn’t release his grip on your cheeks.

“If you want to act like a little whore, I’m going to treat you like one. If I want to hear you speak, I’ll tell you.”

He pushes you backwards as he releases his hand, landing you in the pile of soft feather pillows behind you. He stands up from the bed, shimmying off his boxers before crawling back onto the bed in front of you. His eyes meet yours and for a second there is a softness there, almost as if he is asking if you’re okay with this. You offer him a subtle nod before he lowers his head and begins to drag his nose up the length of your leg.

“Did you have fun tonight, flitting around the place, drink in hand, practically begging to be fucked in the bathroom? Hm? Is that what you wanted?” he asks, pressing a hot kiss to the inside of your thigh. 

You squirm beneath him as the filthy words leave his angelic lips. “Did you want him to take you away and fuck your stupid little brains out? Answer me.”

“No.” you reply, desperate to feel his lips on your body. “I… I wanted…” you stammer, your bravery leaving you with every shaky breath. He places an open mouthed kiss to your mound, but freezes once your words trail off.

“You never stop talking, but now you’re at a loss for words? Fucking say it, Y/N.” 

“I wanted you!” you cry out, your head falling back onto your pillow, a heavy sigh leaving your chest. He squeezes the softness of your thigh before he speaks.

“And you really thought that would work?” he asks, nipping at your soft skin, chuckling quietly. “You’re dumber than I thought.”  

You feel your skin grow hot at his words, your hips jerking upwards on their own accord.

“You like that, don’t you? You like it when I call you my stupid little girl?” he asks, sucking a mark into your thigh. “My dumb little brat?”

A whine leaves your chest as you feel his tongue slowly start to slide through your folds. 

He pulls away from you, “Ah, ah… Be quiet, remember? I know it’s hard for you to do as you’re told, but if I have to remind you again you aren’t going to like what happens.”

You stifle your moan and move your hips as his hands hold you in place, his tongue reconnecting with your core as he makes slow, languid laps against you. “Did I leave this pretty pussy too long? Does she miss me and need my attention?” 

He moves his hands to let his thumbs spread you further, swirling his tongue over your clit. “I think she misses me so bad that it’s got you acting crazy, my love.” His lips suction against you, sucking you into his mouth with a lewd slurp. His hands slide up to your hips, pulling you closer to his face. His tongue grazes your entrance, dipping in just long enough to tease you. He presses a kiss to your clit before pulling away again. 

“You must be crazy if you think my brother could do even half of what I do to you. No one, no one, treats this pussy like I do. Worships this pussy like I do.”

“Josh…” you whine, the word leaving your lips before you could stop it. 

You feel a sharp flick to your clit and you cry out, your body jumping in response.

“I told you that you wouldn’t like it.” he says, pressing a kiss to your sensitive clit, as if to soothe the pain he inflicted. You feel a rush of warmth at your core, your body responding positively to his actions. 

“Oh, baby, fuck…” he groans, sliding his fingers thorough the wetness. “But you do like it. You love it.” He pauses, locking eyes with you. “Answer me.”

“I–Yes…” you breathe, feeling his smile against your core. 

“My dirty, sweet, baby likes a little pain with her pleasure.” he growls, sliding a finger inside of you. You clench around it, desperate for more. “Yeah? More? You want two or three?” he asks, his eyes flicking to yours. 

“T-Three.” you beg, breathless as you feel him slide in two more. 

His lips find your clit again, suckling the sensitive nub into his mouth, rolling his tongue over it again and again as his fingers work you from the inside. The pressure is growing and you know you’re close. He must feel you fluttering around him, so he pulls his fingers and mouth away from you quicker than you can blink. 

“Nu-uh. Not until I say so, and I do believe I’d like to get mine first tonight... You know, for my troubles.”

A huff leaves your chest as you look at him, sitting back up to rest on his heels. 

“You know baby, I think I’m feelin’ a little reckless tonight...I’m thinkin’ maybe we skip the condom, what do you say?”

Your eyes widen in surprise, Josh always having been completely adamant that you use protection. Always. Despite being on birth control. You can count the number of times you’ve gone without a condom on one hand over the three years you’ve been together. 

“Are–Are you sure?” you ask.

“Yeah, I think you need the full effect… need to really feel me so you can remember your place. Remember why you count down the days until I come home.” he says, fisting his base. 

“Although,” he says thoughtfully before pausing. “… if I’m going to fuck you like a whore, I’m gonna have to wear one. Standard procedure, you understand…” he mumbles, reaching over to his nightstand and pulling a silver foil package from the drawer. You feel your heart drop as he rips it out of the package and effectively rips the opportunity away from you. A quiet, disappointed whine leaves your throat.

He clicks his tongue as he watches your face drop, “Aw, what is it? Did you want my cock?” he asks, a smug grin on his face. “If you behaved yourself I probably would have given you what you wanted. It’s a shame, really.”

“Please…” you whine, hoping he doesn’t notice the tears in the corners of your eyes. 

“Oh she’s begging for it. God, you really are so sweet when you want to be.” he says, rolling the condom over his cock. 

“Josh come on, please!” it’s a pathetic whine as it leaves your mouth, but you don’t care.

His hand collides with the side of your hip, a loud smack ringing through the room. “Don’t be a little brat. You’ll take what you’re given.”

A whimper leaves your lips as the sting sets in. “That hu—”

“What? Hurt? That’s typically the point, love.” Your hips jerk up towards him, his abs peeking through as he leans towards you. “Now, do you understand?”

You nod your head as he lowers his, pressing his lips to yours. His perfect heart shaped lips capture yours, his tongue pressing into your mouth with fervor. Your hands come up to wrap around his waist, his skin soft and smooth beneath your hands. You feel his muscles tense under your touch as he ruts his hips, dragging himself against you, the sound of the latex audible as you try to angle yourself so he’ll slip inside you.

“So impatient…” he chides, sucking his teeth as he hovers his lips just above yours. He decides to take mercy on you, letting himself start to slide inside with ease. You cup his cheek, kissing him tenderly, a silent thank you. You feel the heat building in your abdomen again, half the battle won after the way he edged you previously. 

“Does that feel good, sweet thing?” he asks, pushing in to the hilt before slowly pulling out again. “You gonna settle down now that you’re feeling nice and full?” he asks, and you respond with a shake of your head. “No?” he questions, surprised. He fucks into you slowly, deeply. You feel every inch of him that you’ve missed… but it’s not the same.

“No…I wanted you to take it off…” you whine. He shakes his head, a little chuckle leaving him.

“You’re in no place to make demands. I’m gonna get mine, toss it in the trash, and leave you wishing it was dripping down your thigh. And if you’re smart, you’ll say thank you.”

You feel yourself clench around him at his cruel words, making him smirk. So he carries on, picking up his pace as he grips into the softness of your thighs.

“But you’re not, are you?” he taunts, lowering his head to kiss and suck at your collarbone. “Can’t be if you pretended to be interested in my idiot brother. You’re mine. What do I have to do to get it to stick in that little brain of yours?” 

You whisper his name, closing your eyes as your cheeks turn pink, his insults both embarrassing you and bringing you closer and closer to the edge. 

“I told you I’m getting mine first. Don’t make me tell you again,” he warns, his palm landing on the pillow next to your head as he rests his weight and increases his range of motion. As he moves faster, his thrusts become more brutal as he starts to knock the wind out of you. It’s getting harder to keep yourself from losing it, your thighs starting to quiver.

He feels it, because he always does, but you can tell by the look on his face he doesn’t want to stop. He curses breathlessly and pulls out, his hand leaving your hip and moving down to stroke himself, but he lets out a grunt and pushes up to sit on his heels, looking down at himself.

“...Fuck.”

He wraps his arm under your thigh and tugs you closer, urgently, and sheathes himself inside so quickly you cry out.

“Oh, baby. You feel like fucking velvet.” he moans, his head falling back, his moans bouncing off the ceiling. When he pulls back, something feels… different. “Looks like you got what you wanted after all…”

He sits back again and pulls out of you, resting his hands on his thighs as he takes a deep breath like he needs to get himself under control. Sitting up on your elbows, you look down at him between your thighs to see the condom has not just broken, but torn. It’s more than halfway down his shaft, which explains why he felt so slick and warm inside you.

“Oh…” you say softly, your lips parting. You stare at him above you, his chest rising and falling, his eyes heavy as they lock onto yours. He lifts one hand, motioning you forward with two fingers, and you know exactly what he wants. 

“On your knees.”

You don’t hesitate to roll onto your side and stand from the bed, dropping to your knees with your hands in your lap. He watches as you go, waiting until you’re in position to stand himself and approach, raking his hand through your hair almost affectionately. You keep your eyes on him, the way he’s hard and straining against the useless condom.

“Does being on your knees hurt, little slut? Or is that right where you belong?” he asks, resting the tip of his cock against your lips. “Open.” 

You stick out your tongue, dragging it against the bottom of his tip.

“More.” he demands, pushing his hips forward. You open your mouth wider as you move to reach up and touch him, but he immediately tells you, “No.”

Your eyes look up at him, brows furrowing in curiosity as you question silently whether or not he’s going to take the condom off.

It’s sudden and shocking when he answers your question, grabbing the back of your head and shoving himself in deep. You feel him against your tongue, tasting the lube and feeling the latex on the front end of your tongue. 

He starts to thrust so quickly, you reach for his thighs to try and push him back. He doesn’t seem to care, almost relishing in your struggle, his fist tightening in your hair. As a gag works its way up your throat, he pulls you off of him, gasping for air, saliva dripping down your chin and neck. 

“How’s it taste, baby?” he asks, tugging your hair, making you look up at him through bleary eyes, trying to catch your breath. As you open your mouth to answer, he fists himself, shoving himself back into your mouth. You gag immediately and he pulls out, your mouth open as you try to breathe. He doesn’t let you, though, grabbing your jaw and spitting directly into your open mouth. 

“You better think twice before you complain.” 

You snap your jaw shut, swallowing thickly, your eyes popping back open to look up at him in shock. He gives you a crooked smile, pleased with the way he’s managed to throw you off. It only encourages him as you look up at him with wide eyes and try to catch your breath. He quirks a single brow, then runs his tongue over his teeth. 

“Nothing to say?” he asks, challenging you. You shake your head once.

He pushes the head of himself back inside your mouth, then spits again, making you flinch as it lands on your cheek. You squeeze your eyes closed, intending to hollow out your cheeks and suck, but he pulls himself out with a pop and drags his cock through the spit on your face, chuckling. 

“You’re starting to smarten up.” he mumbles. “Little brat.”

He taps the tip of his cock harshly against your lips and you can see the wheels spinning in his head as he plans his next move. “Back on the bed, all fours.” he says, snapping his fingers and pointing to the center of the bed.

You immediately pull yourself from your aching knees and scramble onto the bed, positioning yourself on all fours, just as instructed. You feel the bed dip behind you and you turn your head, seeing the remnants of the condom still intact around him. He makes no effort to remove it, wearing it like a trophy as his hands find your hips. His left hand slides up the curve of your back before pressing a palm to your spine, a silent order to arch a little further. 

“You’re trembling. You want it so bad don’t you…” he growls, his tip brushing against your entrance. “Want to feel my nice warm cock inside you…Nothing but me and you…You’d like that wouldn’t you, baby…”

“Yes.” you breathe, almost a whisper.

“I shouldn’t…I should put a new one on right now.” he says, the clench of his jaw audible. 

He thrusts himself inside of you, the barrier of latex gone between the two of you, letting you feel every ripple and vein of his perfect cock inside of you. It nearly takes your breath away as his hips slam into you. A groan leaves his chest as his hands grip into your hips, and you can feel his hot breath on your back.

His hips crash violently into yours, his pillow soft tip grazing your cervix with every stroke. He’s struggling to keep his composure, it's evident with his erratic breathing and the stuttering of his hips. 

You clench around him, a whimper falling from his lips in response, briefly breaking the facade he’s chosen for the evening. “Fuck, Y/N… I– I fucking hate you. You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?”

A pang shoots through your chest, you feel the tension in your stomach start to build as you flutter around him. “I hate that I can’t live without you. I hate how much I love you. You–I can’t deny you anything…Not ever…” he pauses, his chest heaving. “Can’t you see that?”

“Josh…” you beg through panting breaths. 

“Not yet, you’re gonna wait. Wait until I say, yeah? Can you wait like my good girl?” he says, struggling to stave off his own release. 

“I– I can’t…” you whine. 

“You will.” he demands, punctuating his sentence with his hips. “Fuck, you feel so good, swear to god I’m gonna– fuck…”

“Josh please, please!” you beg, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. 

“My little slut begging to cum, oh you’re a fucking vision… My angel…” he pauses, sliding his hand around your waist and pinching your nipple between his fingers. You tighten around him and you hear him hiss in response. “Oh goddamn, you’re not a fucking angel though, are you… You’re straight from hell.”

His hips start to falter, and you can tell he’s close. You turn your head to look at him, his hair wild and sweaty against his temples, his jaw hanging slack as he watches himself fuck you. His eyes flick up to meet yours, they are dark and his pupils are wide as a slight smile turns his lips. 

“I know I said I was going to get mine first, but you’ve been such a good girl for me. Go on, cum baby. Cum right on my cock, wanna feel you give yourself to me.” he says, nodding his head. 

His permission throws you right up into the sky, your release washing over you so forcefully that your arms give out below you, sending you tumbling into the sheets. His hands hold you up as he continues to fuck you through it, curses and praise falling from his swollen pink lips. 

As if your bliss fueled his own, you feel him pull your hips back firmly against him, a groan exploding from his chest once he can’t hold on any longer. You feel his cock twitching, his release beginning to spill inside of you as your name falls from his lips. You clench around him and he rapidly pulls out of you, fisting his cock as his cum continues to spill, painting hot white streams across your back. 

The room is quiet, just the sounds of the two of you attempting to catch your breath. His hand slides up over the curve of your ass, his fingertips catching a drip of his cum before it falls to the sheets below you. His hand reaches around smearing his fingers across your lips, and you can hear him snickering as he leaves his release behind. “A much better shade on you, darling.”

With a smack of your ass you feel him step off of the bed, padding towards the bathroom. “Stay there, don’t move. I don’t want a mess on the sheets.”

You stay put, frozen as you lean down on your elbows and rest your chin in your palm. He comes back out of the bathroom a moment later in his robe and saunters to the stairs. You hear his footsteps slowly descending the steps, the occasional squeak indicating how far away he is. 

You figure he’s heading to get you a towel from the dryer, so you just sigh and bide your time, feeling the wetness on your back start to get a little cold as the air moves through the room. In the silence, you hear a cabinet opening… then a cup being placed on the counter. Your lips part in shock as you realize he’s downstairs making a drink while he leaves you here, messy and exposed. The cherry on top of the punishment he’s dealt you this evening.

It’s a good, long while before he comes back up the stairs, again, at a leisurely pace. He softly pads across the room, then steps into your line of sight, putting a mug down on the nightstand. He made himself a cup of tea? 

You sigh, looking at him flatly, a little tired of the game at this point. He steps into the bathroom again, this time reemerging with a warm, wet towel. He approaches the bed and kneels over you, gently wiping you clean as silence settles over you both.

“I made you some tea. In case I was a little rough on your throat.” he says quietly. “I figured I owe you a drink after throwing yours into the bushes.” His tone conveys that he’s remorseful, his voice back to its unique, charming timbre. “Listen, I didn’t mean to get so… worked up. You were right when you said I was threatened by Sam, and I just kind of lost control.” 

You hum softly, resting your head on the pillow and looking at him over your shoulder, your eyes soft and tired.

“I’m sorry I pushed you that far…” you say quietly, your voice hoarse. He tosses the towel towards the hamper, standing from the bed. He leans down and places a kiss to your temple as you lay all the way down, just as your back starts to hurt.

You hear him opening your dresser drawer and soon enough he’s back at your side, placing a set of silky, cream colored pajamas and a pair of underwear near your head. He kneels at your bedside, resting his head on the bed to look at you where you lay.

“I picked these out for you when we were in Glasgow. There was this little boutique near the hotel that caught my eye. It was after dinner one night and I tried to call you but the time difference was making a mess of things…I couldn’t get ahold of you and I was just feeling lonely… so I took a walk and decided to pop in. I saw them and thought of you immediately. Thought of how they’d feel when I got back home and in bed with you.” he confesses, petting your hair the whole time he speaks. There’s almost a sadness to this story that makes guilt bubble up in your chest. You accused him of never calling, rarely thinking of you, and sending his assistant off to buy you meaningless gifts. The thought of him hand picking it for you while he was feeling lonely thousands of miles away breaks your heart.  

“I’m sorry I said all that stuff. About the gifts. That was admittedly pretty awful of me.” you squeak out, feeling ashamed of the way you acted and who you painted him to be. “I’ve been really hard on you.”

“Hard on me?” he asks, a breathy laugh rumbling through him.

“I just… I haven’t been really considerate about your ear and the stress you’re under and I think I’ve been feeling neglected in a way, so instead of trying to fix it, it was just easier to put all of the blame on you and lose sight of the sacrifices you make for me every day. For us.” 

He shakes his head, unwilling to let you accept all the blame. “I haven’t exactly made things easy on you…” he says, his voice a little small. “I think–no, I know I can do more. I will do more. I fucked up yesterday baby, and I’m sorry. I should have planned something nice. You deserve that. And I’m sorry about tonight, fuck, I’m just sorry for all of it. I love you and I need you and I’m just really, really sorry.”

He stands from his place on the side of the bed, watching you as you slide into your silky pajamas. He tosses his robe to your vanity chair and joins you on the other side of the bed, pulling back the linen sheets and sliding in next to you. 

“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I was a brat, and I’m sorry I used Sam to get under your skin. I just– I wanted your attention…and I know it was stupid and immature… I just needed to know you still cared, even just a little bit. I wanted to see it.” you pause, looking into his dark brown eyes. 

“And last night, you just wanted a night in and I was…less than agreeable. I wish we could do it over. You just wanted your comfort food and your favorite movie, home alone with me…but I couldn’t see that. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re doing your best and I’m sorry I was ungrateful. I’m happy that you were even home. I’m happy I can take care of you while you’re here.” you say, moving closer to him in the middle of the bed. “I missed you last night…”

He props himself up on his elbow, his cheeks still a little pink from earlier, and in the dim light of the lamp he is glowing. “I missed you too baby, I knew I fucked up before I even got out of the room. I should have never said that to you. Not ever. Can you forgive me?” he asks, letting his free hand slide across the sheets and grab yours. 

“Can you forgive me?” you ask, letting your glassy eyes meet his.

“Baby…” the word is a breath from his lips. You reach for him as he wraps his arms around you. You cradle his head in the crook of your neck as he breathes you in and you know all is forgiven between the two of you. You scratch his scalp and pet his velvety shaved sides, holding him close enough that you can feel his heart beating. 

“Can I make you that soup you like tomorrow? With the kale and the carrots…” you ask, a whisper against his temple. You feel him nod, a small hum leaving his chest. 

“And I still have that sourdough starter that Jake gave us… I can make some bread with it? Does that sound good?” you ask, feeling his grip on you tighten. 

“Oh my god, that starter. Have you been feeding it like he said!? I completely forgot!” he gasps.

You laugh hard enough that it shakes your chest, “Of course I have. He would be so sad if I let it die.”

You feel his body relax against you again, “Do you know how much I love you?” he asks, turning his head to face you. 

You feel your skin blush as he looks at you, his eyes full of adoration. “A lot?”

“More than that.” he smiles, his cheek dimple peeking out just a touch. You can hardly stop yourself from pressing your lips to it, your favorite thing. 

“I love you, alot.” you reply, peppering his face with kisses. 

“But there is something that I want to talk to you about…” he says, his voice growing a little more serious. 

“W-what?” you ask nervously, pulling away just a little. 

“I know you’ve been so excited about coming to Spain in a few weeks…And I’ve really been looking forward to it too…” he starts, and you feel your heart drop. Is it canceled? Does he not want you to come?

“Yeah…” you breathe, anxious to hear what he’s about to say.

“So, you know it’s been a long time since we’ve toured over there, and our normal coordinator isn’t able to make it, so we are using a secondary coordinator…It really throws a wrench into everything. Things are going to be really shaky those first few days with the jet lag and all of that. I just– I know that it’s gonna be super crazy, and I feel like we probably won’t be able to spend much time together while we get the tour stuff sorted out.” he pauses, and you feel your eyes well with tears. “I just don’t want you to come and feel ignored...”

“So I’m not–” 

His face softens as he brings his hand up to cup your cheek, “So, I went ahead and booked us flights to go a whole week early, just me and you. Found us a quiet little place on the water right outside of Barcelona. It has a big open porch and a giant bed. It’s so beautiful and I know you’re going to love it. We can do whatever you want, just you and I.” He kisses your forehead before he continues. 

“And before you ask, yes, your boss already knows. I wanted to surprise you when we left, but I figured you would be suspicious that the rest of the guys wouldn’t be with us in the airport. I was planning to tell you tonight when we got home, but we saw what happened…” he smiles, his eyes positively sparkling. “So, how does that sound, my love? Will you come with me?”

Tears rush to your eyes. You were so prepared to be disappointed again that they were already on their way and this sealed the deal.

“That sounds so perfect,” you manage to squeak out as he wipes away an errant tear sliding down towards your pillow. When he pulls you in for a tender kiss, you can feel him smiling against your lips. “My coworkers are going to kill me for going on a two week vacation during tax season…”

“I’m sure they’ll be okay.” he says, brushing it off with a soft laugh. “They probably ate your strawberries yesterday, so you can call it even.” You suck your teeth at that, lips parting in shock.

“They better not have! I’m out for one day and the wolves descend?”

“I’m sure they’ll be there waiting for you Monday.” He soothes, pulling the sheets and comforter up higher over the both of you, pulling you in close as his little spoon. “But just in case… Maybe we can get some melting chocolate at the store tomorrow and make our own for dessert?” he mumbles softly. 

“Oh, I’d love that…” you say, pleasantly surprised at his effort already. He holds you tight, nuzzling into your hair. His hands are soft and warm as they sneak up under the silky pajamas, a comforting touch after so many nights spent in this bed alone.

“It’s a date, my love.” 

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[imaginespazzi]

Part 3: Shades of Grey

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

That's the thing about illicit affairs (they lie and they lie and they lie)

(In which a masochistic writer makes things difficult for herself and makes things even messier than they were before)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, a little bit of Hurt/Comfort and Fluff as always

Words: 7.2K (nice and short as always)

TW: Explicit Sexual Content (MINORS DNI), Swearing, Cheating

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job of sticking to my deadlines, who woulda thunk it? Fun fact, I'm at ~ 50 google-doc pages with this fic and despite my constant "trying to write less" rants, I'm actually lowkey proud of that. Anyways, there's a pretty clear hint (I am not a subtle person) as to why what happens at the end happens and if you pick up on it, I promise it'll save you from losing your minds till I write part 4. Also a couple of logistical details about the Cayman Islands are probably off but it's what worked so it's what I did, just pretend lol. Per usual, I did edit, there's probably still typos any way, feel free to point them out. And as always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't and what you'd like to see in the future. Happy reading and have a wonderful rest of your week lovelies!

August 2021

The fight was inevitable but neither of them can tell you what really lit the flame. One second they had been fine (well as fine as two girls who knew tonight was their last night in a while could be), the next they were hurling bullets at each other. There’s a subconscious part of Azzi’s brain that tells her to grab Paige and duck for cover, to preserve whatever little bit of friendship they can. But her whole body vibrates with anger as Paige’s words crash around her like a tsunami, drowning out the good angel on her shoulder that’s pleading with her to stop. 

“It’s a good thing really. You and your non-existent nerves would have never survived playing for UConn,” Paige sneers, and that mean smirk on her face just doesn’t quite fit right, “I don’t know what I was thinking with that honestly. You’re not built like that.”

Azzi flinches, eyes blazing, “some of us want to be more than just another good UConn player.”

“That’s what all the people not good enough to play for UConn say,” Paige retorts bitterly and Azzi doesn’t think she knows this girl standing in front of her, one whose words are aimed to make her cry instead of laugh. 

“Not good enough and yet you still wanted me on your team.”

“Nah you know what, my bad, I didn’t realise you’d fucking stab me in the back like that, ” Paige hisses, “you’re a fake as fuck friend and you’d probably make a shit teammate.”

Azzi’s never had a heart attack. She doesn’t even fully think she knows what a heart attack really is. But she’s certain this pain in her chest can’t possibly be anything less than one. It starts at her heart and then spreads to her lungs and then floods through her body, until she can’t move, she can’t breathe. 

“You don’t mean that,” she whispers. 

Paige hesitates, as if suddenly aware of the fragility of the moment, her voice considerably softer when she speaks but she doesn’t take it back, “ real friends choose each other.”

“Oh my god,” Azzi laughs, it’s the worst thing she could do in the moment and Paige’s eyes flash with anger, “you’re so fucking full of yourself.”

“Watch your fucking mouth-”

“Don’t you even dare. You say all that shit to me and now you can’t hear some of it back? Contrary to what you might think Paige, my whole life doesn’t revolve around you. My decision for where to spend the next four fucking years, does not revolve around you,” Azzi’s voice rises with each word. 

Fighting is cathartic in a way. They’ve spent almost a year delicately tip-toeing around the subject, growing further and further apart and yet still holding on for dear life. And Azzi doesn’t want to let go, but everything feels burning hot, and her hands are starting to blister. 

“Oh you’ve made that very clear,” Paige bites back, “you’ve made it very clear just how little I mean to you.”

“Because I chose a different school? That’s all it took Paige, seriously? That’s all it took for you to call our friendship fake?”

“No what it took Azzi was you being a fucking liar.”

“I didn’t lie about anything.”

Paige scoffs, her voice taking on a pitchy mocking tone, “ ‘I’d love to play with you Paige’, ‘being on the same team would be nice P’,  all of that fucking bullshit when you didn’t mean any of it.”

“Oh we’re playing that game,” Azzi seethes, “how about ‘Az I’d support you no matter what’ huh? Where did all of that go?”

“Maybe if you didn’t make stupid decisions then.”

“No, actually choosing not to play with you might have been my smartest decision yet,” as soon as the words are out, there’s a part of Azzi that wishes she could wrench them back in. 

“Right,” Paige’s voice is eerily quiet now, “well I hope that works out well for you then. Go to UCLA Azzi, have a great fucking life and stay the fuck away from mine.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Azzi takes a cautious step towards the blonde and almost immediately, Paige steps backwards, her expression suddenly blank. The change to indifference is somehow worse than the previous malice, “Paige-”

“Fuck this, I’m going home,” Paige says resolutely, her fingers fidgeting with themselves as she reaches for her phone and wallet. 

“We need to talk this out, we need to try and fix this,” Azzi all but pleads, trying to position herself in front of the persistent older girl who’s trying to make her way to the door. 

“I don’t know if I want to fucking fix this,” Paige yells, shaking away Azzi’s hand on her shoulder, “I don’t know if it’s worth it,” her voice breaks as she says the next words, “I don’t even think  I wanna be friends.”

When Azzi’s 14, Paige Bueckers dribbles through a USA basketball camp court straight into her life and teaches her all about how one person can come into your life and carve out a permanent shelf. When Azzi’s 16, Paige’s casual smiles and not-so-insignificant touches teach her all about the complicated space in-between just friends and something more. When Azzi’s 18, Paige says those words, ones that sound a lot like giving up, and teaches Azzi that sometimes in life, even the people you thought would never make you feel this way, are the ones who'll break you the most. And that’s the day Azzi makes a promise to herself that she’ll never give someone that part of herself again, unaware that when she’s 20, Paige will teach her that some promises are meant to be broken. 

***

July 2023

Azzi doesn’t know what god she pissed off to get herself into this position, stuck in a booth with Zoe on one side and Paige on the other. Her girlfriend’s left hand is placed firmly on her thigh and Azzi has to fight the vehement urge to shake it away because Zoe’s normally soft, sweet touch feels itchy and heavy. But the way Paige’s biceps are pressed against hers might be even worse. Every time the blonde moves a little, the sliding of her smooth skin against Azzi’s arms, sends a jolt of electricity through her veins. And Azzi doesn’t know when she became that girl, the girl who already has someone to hold her but is desperately craving somebody else’s touch. 

When people’s girlfriends surprise them with an unexpected visit, the appropriate reaction is to be overwhelmed with happiness. Except since she’d met her, Azzi’s summers have always belonged to Paige. With them having lived in separate states most of their lives, it was the one time they got to be with each other for an extended period of time. It was an unspoken rule really, one that they had subconsciously still followed the year before when Azzi had shown up at Paige’s door, even if they’d only gotten the last couple of weeks of the season; summer was theirs. So, when Zoe had shown up that afternoon with a bright smile and shining eyes, all Azzi had been able to register was a sense of loss as Paige pulled her hand out of Azzi’s. 

Introductions had been somewhat awkward. Her parents knew of Zoe, but hadn’t met her yet. They were nice of course, her dad pulling the shorter girl into one of his bear hugs and her mom giving her a warm smile. Jon and José were more awkward, nodding their greetings but making no move to actually welcome her. Paige had managed to muster up a smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes, and shake the other girl’s outstretched hand. And then there was Drew, whose normally goofy smile seemed to have disappeared. 

“Who are you?” the young boy had asked quizzically, his eyebrows crinkling together. 

“Oh umm, I’m uh- Azzi’s girlfriend,” Zoe had replied, the last word causing Paige to involuntarily flinch. 

Drew had looked over to Azzi then, his eyes wide and accusing, “you can’t be Azzi’s girlfriend.”

“Is that so?” Zoe hummed, clearly not taking him seriously. 

“It is,” Drew had said petulantly, ignoring Paige’s warning squeeze, “she’s Paige’s.”

The silence after had been deafening, as Azzi tried to stop herself from choking on air. Eventually Paige had regained her senses first, apologising for her younger brother’s lack of filter (“he says stupid things all the time”) and then Azzi’s dad had swooped in before things could possibly get any more awkward, proposing that they all go out to dinner. And that’s how Azzi has ended up here, shuffled in a booth, opposite her parents, with Paige on one side and Zoe on the other. Life really and truly isn’t on her side these days. 

“So girls, what are y’all pizza orders?” Tim asks jovially. Azzi’s brothers and Drew, desperate to go enjoy the sun (and avoid Zoe), had already told them their orders before zooming to the park right outside the restaurant. 

“Oh uh- Az you wanna share a Margherita pizza?”

“Azzi and I’ll just have our usual.”

It’s as if the world wants Azzi to suffer as both Zoe and Paige immediately look at her expectantly. The girl in question keeps her eyes focused on the menu in front of her, unsure how to best handle this predicament by doing anything other than maybe just running out of the restaurant. 

“What’s your usual?” Zoe asks, her voice all curiosity and no ill-intent. 

“Grilled chicken and bacon with spinach and onions.”

“But Azzi doesn’t like onions, she says they make-”

“They make her breath smell I know,” there’s a hard edge to Paige’s voice, “but she-”

“She can’t pick them off. She can’t pick anything off of her pizza because it takes-”

“It takes the cheese off, I know that too. That’s not what I was going to say. She doesn’t eat them because she thinks they make her breath smell but she does like them. It’s just-,” Paige’s eyes flare with mischief, “she only eats them around people who are close to her. Guess you’re not quite there yet.”

Since Azzi had mustered up the courage to finally tell Paige about Zoe, right before summer break started, Paige had been nothing but respectful, supportive even. Until tonight apparently and Azzi doesn’t even know to react to the fact that her best friend has started a pissing contest over fucking onions. 

“Right,” Zoe bites her lips, her ever-present smile slipping slightly as she slowly pries the menu out of Azzi’s hands and looks at her with hopefully eyes, “but we’ll get the Margherita tonight babe?”

“I-” and Azzi really should say yes, side with Zoe like the good girlfriend she is, except, well, all she can think about is that Paige hasn’t smiled since the California girl had arrived in D.C., “I think um- I’ll stick to my usual Zo, I’m sorry.”

She’s a terrible girlfriend, because immediately Zoe’s smile fades, and Azzi barely notices it, too busy watching Paige’s grin light up her face. Her baby blue eyes sparkle as if she’s won some important battle and it’s not even dark yet, but Azzi swears it feels like the stars have come out. 

“Okay,” Tim says slowly, looking between the three younger girls, as he waives over the waitress, “if that’s decided then.”

The issue with Paige being pretty, is that nobody’s really immune to it, including the cheerful waitress that practically skips over to serve them. Her eyes glaze over a little bit as they roam across the blonde’s face and then to her arms before drifting down to her torso. Paige’s tank top doesn’t leave much to the imagination, exposing both her muscled biceps and toned torso and Azzi doesn’t need an x-ray to know the widely appropriate thoughts going through the waitress’s head. The feral roar of mine takes birth in her stomach and the quieting whisper of she’s not does little to subdue it. 

“I’m Libby,” the waitress says, tongue darting across her lips, eyes solely focused on Paige, “and I’ll be your server today.”

Libby collects orders dutifully, polite and agreeable, but doesn’t once fully look away from the blonde, practically drooling once she finally gets to her, “and what can I get for you to drink babe?” 

Azzi’s not sure whether it’s the sultry tone or the nickname that gets Paige’s attention, but all of a sudden her best friend is staring up at the waitress with her own flirty smile. She likes to think she’s not a particularly violent person, but Azzi thinks she might end up in jail for homicide tonight. 

“Well babe,” Paige winks, Azzi wants to die, “what would you recommend?”

Libby smirks, clearly feeling triumphant as she leans on the table, one hand reaching out to brush Paige’s forearm, “sex on the beach.”

Several things happen at once. Tim chokes on a breadstick. Katie immediately thumps him on the back. Zoe lets out a laugh. Azzi’s nails break the skin of her palm, drawing blood as she fists both of hands. And then-

“She has a girlfriend,” it’s a blatantly untrue but all Azzi can think about is stopping this  random girl from eye-fucking her Paige. It does the trick, Libby’s eyes go comically wide, as she steps back from the table, from Paige. 

“She does?” Tim asks. Next to him, Katie, shoots her daughter a knowing look that veers on the edge of disappointment. 

Azzi stutters under the heat of Paige’s glare, the blonde clearly unamused by her lie, “I uh- I mean um- it’s not official but um yeah,” she doesn’t even sound convincing to herself, “I’m uh- I’m gonna go to the bathroom.”

She practically shoves Paige out of the booth so she can climb out of it herself, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Her heart hammers in her chest and she tries to block out the sound of Paige’s being questioned by her dad, as she rushes into the restroom. 

There’s no amount of water she could splash on her face to make this heat go away, but she tries anyway, unsure of when the tap water starts to blend in with the tears streaming down her face. The unsettling anger of how dare she flirt with another girl beating in her heart is replaced by the guilt of i’m not allowed to feel this way thrashing around her rib cage. It hurts all the same, as Azzi clutches her chest, trying to even out her breathing.

She doesn’t hear the door open or close until, “What the fuck was that?”

“Get out,” Azzi whispers, closing her eyes and leaning her head on the mirror, “just give me a second okay?”

“Oh no, no, no, you owe me a huge fucking explanation right now,” Paige hisses, “what the fuck was that bullshit? I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“It was a joke-” before Azzi can even finish the sentence, there’s a hand on her biceps, forcing her to turn around. When she opens her eyes, Paige’s face is far too close to her own and when she tries to move back, she’s trapped with the cool edge of the sink. It’s too much, the proximity, the tension, the lingering touch of Paige’s fingers curled around her arm. 

“Stop lying,” Paige bites out. 

“It just slipped out babe,” and fuck, Azzi absolutely hadn’t meant to add that last part, hadn’t meant to make it so obvious what exactly had triggered her little outburst. Realisation flashes across Paige’s face, as she takes a step back, letting go of Azzi, and the distance should be freeing, but instead it just makes her feel lost.  

“That’s what this is about?” the blonde asks in disbelief. 

“Yes- no- I don’t know, okay,” Azzi’s voice is high-pitched, “I’m sorry okay. I’ll tell the waitress it was a joke,” she lets out a humourless laugh, “I didn’t mean to fucking cockblock you.”

“Cockblock me? Dude I wasn’t trying to fuck the waitress what the fuck?”

“Could’ve fooled me babe,” Azzi sneers. 

Something menacing flashes in Paige’s eyes, “stop calling me that.”

“What? You don’t like me calling you babe. You didn’t seem to have a problem when it was her.” 

“Oh my fucking god Azzi,” Paige throws her hands up, “you don’t get to do this. Not when your girlfriend is sitting right there.”

The reminder of Zoe is like being splashed with cold water and Azzi feels everything inside of her freeze. She grips the edge of the sink, trying to find some semblance of balance as Paige continues to glare at her. 

“For the past few hours, I have had to hear your girlfriend call you every fucking nickname in the book. I have had to watch her kiss you and move your hair back and grip your fucking knee under the table,” with every sentence, Paige inches closer and closer, until she’s accentuating every word by pushing her index finger into Azzi’s chest, “and you can’t even fucking deal with me calling some other girl babe?”

“Paige,” Azzi whispers when Paige’s voice breaks on the last word. Their faces are so close, she can feel the other girl’s uneven breathing all over her skin. And it takes everything in her to not cave in and reach a hand out to caress away the tear that's threatening to fall from the blonde’s tearline. 

“It’s been hell Azzi,” Paige spits out, “so you don’t get to be upset if I want to fuck someone-”

Something snaps and before Paige can complete the offending sentence, before she can imprint an image that will forever haunt Azzi’s mind, Azzi silences all the warning bells of why she really shouldn’t, and pulls her best friend into a searing kiss. Immediately, Paige’s hands come to rest against Azzi’s hips, pressing her firmly against the edge of the sink. It’s as if they’re trying to meld their bodies together, both of them gripping each other as close as possible. Outside, it’s a summer evening of clear blue skies, but here in this random restaurant restroom, lightning strikes.

Paige bites at Azzi’s bottom lip and then traces her tongue over the bruise she’s created, smirking when it elicits a gasp from the younger girl. Lips still firmly moving against Azzi’s, her hands work expertly on the buttons of Azzi’s tight shorts. The sensation of everything Paige is all-consuming and Azzi feels like she’s drunk on the taste of her best friend’s skin, as she moves away from Paige’s lips, to pepper kisses on her neck, before moving down to suck a mark into her collarbone. Mine, mine, mine. 

“Fuck Az,” Paige moans when Azzi’s teeth grate against her skin and it’s the brunette’s turn to smirk. But her cockiness is short-lived when Paige’s fingers finally find their way into her now unbuttoned shorts. They press down on her clit through her underwear, making her whine. 

A cry of “Paige,” escapes her lips when the blonde slides Azzi’s panties to the side, her middle and index finger beginning to rub circles around the younger girl’s clit in a tantalisingly slow rhythm. 

“So wet, so fucking wet for me,” Paige’s voice is wrecked with want, as she brings her free hand to cup Azzi’s jaw, forcing her best friend to look her in the eyes. It scares Azzi, the sheer amount of emotion she can see swirling in the blonde’s eyes. There’s lust and then there’s something else, another l-word that she can’t bring herself to acknowledge, knowing it’ll ruin her, ruin them. 

“Please,” Azzi whispers against Paige’s mouth, as the older girl’s fingers slip from her clit to tease against her soaking entrance, dipping into her folds but not giving her what she wants. 

“If you want something baby,” Paige traces Azzi’s lips with her thumb, “you have to ask for it.”

Azzi's hands moved away from where they had been firmly gripping Paige’s waist, to wrap around her neck. She bites softly against Paige’s left earlobe, eliciting a low groan, before bringing her lips as close to the blonde’s ears as she can, “I want you to fuck me.”

It’s all it takes, Paige finally gives Azzi what her body’s so desperately craving, for far longer than she’s willing to admit, pumping two fingers into her pussy, while her thumb stimulates her clit. And fuck, Paige knows exactly what she’s doing, fingers curling in the exact right spots and Azzi feels like she’s floating or flying or falling, maybe all of the above. 

“Please, please, please,” Azzi babbles incoherently, burying her face in the crevice of Paige’s neck, tears beginning to blur her vision. Because, it’s too much, the ecstasy, the fact that it’s Paige behind the ecstasy, the fact that this is better than her wildest fantasies. 

“Doing so good for me baby,” Paige praises, fingers starting to move faster, “taking my fingers so fucking well Az, think you can handle one more?”

Azzi whines in response. Paige pushes in a third finger, both of them letting out identical sighs of pleasure. She’s slow for a second, giving Azzi time to adjust but-

“Fuck, Paige, faster, please,” the younger girls moans, grinding fervently, desperately,  against Paige’s fingers, trying to create more fiction. 

“Anything for you Az,” Paige whispers, and even in the high of the moment, Azzi knows those words are about more than sex, “whatever you want.”

As Paige’s fingers begin to move at a rapid pace, curling around her g-spot, over and over and over, Azzi can feel that familiar pressure building in her stomach. Her fingers claw at Paige’s neck in warning, too worked up for words. Paige nudge’s Azzi’s face out of her neck, free hand cupping the younger girl's jaw. 

“Come apart for me baby,” she whispers before pressing their lips together. 

Azzi’s hips stutter as her orgasm rolls all over her, pussy clenching around Paige’s fingers, as she moans into the older girl's mouth. Spent, her body goes limp, her best friend’s  firm grip pressing her against the edge of the sink, the only thing anchoring her and keeping her uprights. Paige slowly pulls her fingers out of Azzi’s pants and the loss of contact feels wrong. It’s instinct really, as Azzi reaches for Paige’s hand and brings it up to her mouth, sucking each of the older girl’s fingers clean one by one, and it’s worth it for the way Paige looks wrecked. 

“Az-” she begins softly, eyes filled with questions but before Azzi can even think about any answers- 

“Azzi,” reality crashes and burns around the two girls as Zoe’s voice calls out for her girlfriend. The sound of footsteps gets closer and closer. Panic takes the place of pleasure as Paige and Azzi jump apart from each other and the realisation of their surroundings hits both of them at the same time. Sweat sheens against Paige’s collarbone and Azzi’s lips are bruised, her eyes still glazy. Their identical dishevelled demeanour gives away far too much. Just as the restroom door creaks open a little, Azzi dives into one of the stalls. 

“Oh, hey Paige,” guilt pools in Azzi’s stomach at the sound of Zoe’s innocent voice, as she presses her ear against the stall door,  “is Azzi in here? She’s been gone for like 20 minutes.”

“She- she was,” Paige stutters, and Azzi hates herself even more for putting her best friend in this position, “I-uh I think she um- she wanted some fresh air.”

“Ah okay, I’ll go try and find her,” Zoe pauses, “are you okay? You look a little flustered.”

“Me? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Paige assures in a high-pitched voice, “just uh miss my girlfriend you know.”

Azzi flinches at the lie. She’d made such a fucking mess today. The lying, the cheating, all of it was so out of character and all of a sudden, she feels dirty. Tears brim in her eyes as she begins to process the gravity of what she’d done. And perhaps the worst part of it, is that she can’t find it in herself to fully regret it. If she could turn back time, she doesn’t know if she’d do anything different. Because when it comes to Paige, Azzi’s fine living in shades of grey. 

“Yeah, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” Zoe says slowly. 

There’s a pause and Azzi knows the words neither did I are floating in Paige's mind before she answers, “yeah, it’s uh- it’s new.”

“That’s good. I’m happy for you,” the sincerity in Zoe’s words hit like stones, rupturing whatever built up image of i am a good person Azzi had ever had of herself

“Thank you,” Paige replies quietly. 

“It just-,” Zoe draws in a breath, “Azzi she- she worries about you a lot you know. Even before- you know- when you guys weren’t- you know? Like I think she thinks about you a lot,” there’s an unmistakable wistfulness in Zoe’s voice, “ like- if you’re doing okay and all that. And I don’t- I don’t even know you but I know she wants you to be happy- and- and I want whatever Azzi wants- so- so if you’re happy- that’s good.”

“That’s- that’s really sweet of you,” Paige sounds as guilty as Azzi feels.

There’s quiet for a minute until, “do you think I make her happy? Does she- does she talk about me?”

Zoe’s voice is laced in insecurity and hopefulness and Azzi wishes she’d never brought this girl into her mess in the first place. The sun-kissed Californian had been a classmate who had accidentally stumbled upon Azzi mid-breakdown on a random Thursday. One second she was hesitant, the next she was spilling her woes to a stranger, tired of holding it in. And from then on Zoe had been on a mission to just be there. She’d never hidden her intention, always clear that she wanted more than friendship and Azzi, despite knowing that her heart didn’t really have space for anyone else, had let her loneliness be her guide and given in to the urge to just let someone hold her. But the truth is that while every other second spent with Zoe was filled with mentions of Paige’s name, every moment spent with Paige was never about anything else other than her. 

“She- she does, she seems happy,” Paige can’t bring herself to say the with you. The blonde sounds defeated, as if the admission that Azzi could possibly be happy with someone else has taken everything out of her. 

“Good, it means a lot,” Zoe’s voice is lighter now, like there’s a smile hidden in it, “especially from you. Thank you. I’ll uh- I’ll go see if I can find her.”

Azzi waits for the sound of footsteps shuffling and then the sound of the door clicking behind Zoe, before prying herself out of the stall. Paige is hunched over the sink, face buried in her hands. And the words my fault, my fault, my fault imprint themselves all over Azzi’s heart. 

“Your girlfriend’s looking for you,” Paige says, not bothering to look up. 

“Paige I-”

“Just go Azzi, we’ll just” Paige scoffs, “we’ll just play pretend again,” the walls are up again and Paige is unreachable in her castle built from the ashes of the purity in their friendship that they’d just sacrified for a fucking quickie in a barely-lit restroom. And maybe Azzi should say something, maybe she should stay and see if she can fight her way into Paige’s castle. But Azzi’s no knight in shining armour, not Paige’s, not Zoe’s, not anybody else’s because knights don’t cheat and they don’t lie and they don’t break people’s hearts. So she listens to what her best friend says, she walks out, and she pretends she doesn’t hear the sob that’s let out behind her. 

***

November 2023

UCLA is up on UConn, it should be a pretty momentous occasion and it is. Azzi’s had one of the best games of her career to get her team mere seconds away from getting their first win over the powerhouse. For UConn, so has Paige, except there’s nothing but frustration gleaming in the blonde’s face. The game had been bad for UConn, the cracks created by injuries on full display. And the competitor in Azzi was more than happy to take advantage of that. But the part of her that was Paige’s best friend was stuck on how tired Paige looked. Someone fucking help her, Azzi had thought throughout the game, she literally just came back from injury. 

The outcome of the game is clear and Azzi’s already on the bench getting rest, cheering for her own team of course, but keeping a subtle eye on what’s happening with Paige. Azzi’s eyes follow Paige as she’s finally subbed out. The older girl walks to the end of her own bench, hands coming to rest on her thighs as she hangs her head, face scrunched up in irritation. Paige does that thing where it's like she’s trying to bite of all the skin on her lips and Azzi has the familiar urge to march over and make her stop, preferably by kissing her, not that that’s a thought she’s allowed to have. 

It’s ironic really, the 2,943 miles that had once been the reason they’d fallen apart, is the only thing holding them together. Being out of each other’s reach makes it easier to ignore what had happened over the summer, makes it easier to not give into that same vice all over again. And it makes sense, Azzi thinks, because since she’s met her, whenever Paige had just been a blurry goofy face on her screen, they’d been good at the just friends thing. The moment they could touch though, that’s when lines got blurry. As much as Azzi’s not sure how she survived a year without Paige, she’s even less sure about how she’d survived that one year where they’d practically lived in each other’s skins. 

Things in the handshake line are somewhat icy with both teams being overprotective of their star players. Muhl’s eyes are full of disdain once she reaches Azzi and Arnold barely shakes her hand, only doing as much as she has to, to keep up appearance. Azzi’s teammates aren’t any better, Angelica smiles at everyone until she reaches Paige, and Kiki rolls her eyes at the point guard. But it doesn’t matter what anybody else does, not when Paige practically falls into Azzi’s arms, her tense body finally beginning to relax a little. 

“You did good,” Azzi whispers into the blonde’s hair, tightening her hold on the other girl as she soothingly strokes her back.

Paige scoffs, burying her face further into Azzi’s neck, “you did good, I did what I had to.”

They break apart reluctantly, the shutter of cameras ruining the intimacy of the moment. Their hands hold on a touch longer but the minute they finally slip away from each other, the familiar feeling of i’m tired of missing you that seems to always be lingering within Azzi, prickles against her heart. 

*** 

UConn and UCLA don’t have a rivalry but if you were sat at the hotel restaurant in the Cayman Islands on a lovely November evening, you wouldn’t know that. There’s multiple women’s basketball teams present at the restaurant and everyone’s mingling with each other but the Bruins and Huskies seem determined to avoid each other at all costs. At one point, Angelica and Muhl, of course it would be them, accidentally bump into each other and Azzi holds her breath at the icy glare shared between them. She’s not sure how she and Paige ended up with something akin to the women’s basketball version of the Montagues and the Capulets, but it seems fitting with the way her life’s been going, that it would eventually start to take the shape of a tragedy.

It’s around 10pm when Azzi notices Paige moving in the direction of the door, towards the beach. Azzi hesitates for a moment, knowing her need to go after the blonde isn't just one born out of a best friend’s concern, but it’s Paige. It doesn’t matter if there’s inevitable destruction on the other side, it’s Paige and when it’s Paige, Azzi will follow. 

Paige’s silhouette on the beach, glowing underneath the moonlight, with waves crashing onto the shore beyond her, is straight out of a dream. Azzi’s not an artist by any means, but she thinks if she were, this moment would be her muse. The sea wind causes Paige’s hair to flutter with it. Her eyes are closed in concentration, knees pressed against her heaving chest as she takes in deep breaths of salty air. Azzi traipses across the sand, sandals in hand, before falling to the ground next to the other girl. A whisper of a smile is the only acknowledgement Paige offers her as they let a comfortable silence glide over them. 

“It would be nice to live here,” Paige says after a moment, “it’s peaceful.”

“Except when it storms,” Azzi surmises. 

“It’s not peaceful anywhere when it storms,” Paige counters matter-of-factly, “can you just let me have my moment?

“Right, right, continue.”

“Well now I don’t want to.”

Azzi laughs. Paige grins. It’s so easy. It’s so fucking scary. 

“Why’d you leave the restaurant?” Azzi asks cautiously. 

“Fresh air.”

“And?”

Paige sighs, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, “it’s gonna be a long season.”

“It always feels like that at the beginning.”

“I know- it’s just- after last year- I just thought it would be different. We’d show the world this time. Be like the other UConn teams of the past. Maybe I just wanted something easier.”

“No you didn’t,” Azzi nudges Paige’s shoulder, “you’ve never wanted easy in your goddamn life Paige. If it’s not a challenge, then it’s not for you. Because you’re God’s strongest soldier, and He’ll give you  his hardest battles, right?”

“Right, but sometimes I just don’t feel so strong.”

“Remember what I said in LA? It’s okay to feel that way P. It’s okay to feel however you feel. Let yourself breathe sometimes, it’s good for you. Fall down, let things go, just- remember to get back up and hold on again. It’ll get better, I promise.”

“You always say the right things,” Paige says quietly, and then even quieter, she whispers under her breath, “you make it so hard Az.”

Azzi’s not fully sure what that means. She’s not sure she wants to. Instead she tangles her and Paige’s fingers together, ignoring the way it feels a little too right,  and lets them fall back into a peaceful quiet.

“So,” Paige begins again, after a couple of minutes, “Zoe didn’t make the trip here?”

I’m holding your hand and you’re thinking about my girlfriend. Maybe you’re a better person than me. 

“She can’t just leave all her schoolwork and follow me wherever,” Azzi says, trying to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. It’s true except the part where Zoe had asked if she wanted her there and Azzi hadn’t been able to give her the enthusiastic yes she wanted, starting an unspoken argument that quashed any chance of a nice romantic island getaway for the two of them. 

“She did for the Elite 8 last-” Paige bites her tongue. 

“How did you-,” Azzi’s brain feels dizzy with confusion, “how could you know that? You left- after the Sweet 16, you- how did you know Zoe was there?”

“I didn’t leave,” Paige keeps her eyes adamantly on the ocean, “the team wanted to stay longer,” that’s a lie, Azzi knows her too well, “and so I stayed and you know me, I love watching hoops so I uh- I watched your game.”

“You were there,” Azzi whispers more to herself than Paige at this point. She’d been so sure she was just hallucinating, her heart trying to trick itself into seeing what it wanted to see, “why didn’t you tell me you were there? Why didn’t you come see me after the game?”

“I did- fuck Azzi- I did-”

“Where? I would’ve seen- I didn’t see-” 

“I saw you,” Paige cuts through Azzi’s frantic questioning, her voice heavy with unspoken emotions as she continues to refuse to look at the younger girl, “you and Zoe. Together.”

“Paige-”

“After the game, you were looking for someone in the stands and I- I thought maybe you were looking for your parents but then I saw you- with her- outside the locker room and- it hit me that- that you were looking for her,” Paige spits the last word out as it feels like lava on her tongue. 

In the grand scheme of things, maybe Azzi should let Paige keep this misconception, maybe it would make things simpler if she let Paige believe in the idea that there was someone else Azzi sought out when she was struggling. But- 

“I thought I saw you,” Azzi breathes out, “I should have been looking for Zoe but-” she has to draw in a breath when Paige whips around, piercing blue eyes that feel like they can see straight into Azzi’s soul, “Paige, I was looking for you-”

The last bit of sound is stolen away from Azzi as Paige’s lips crash onto hers. And it’s so different from summer and that wretched bathroom. Something softer, more gentle, but still desperate and passionate. Time slows down, as Azzi pulls Paige into her lap, hands caressing her waist, mouths still moving against each other with perfect rhythm. They only pull away when air becomes a necessity, resting their forehead against each other, as they breathe in sync. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Azzi whispers, moving a strand of hair out the blonde’s face. 

The way Paige blushes is everything, “stop.”

“You are,” Azzi insists, pressing a kiss against the corner against the edge of her lips, “you’re perfect P.”

If she goes blind tomorrow, in the next second even, Azzi thinks that would be okay. As long as this, Paige with her soft Azzi smile, looking at her with that sparkle in her eyes, face illuminated by the shine of the stars, is the last thing Azzi sees. 

Slowly Paige climbs off of her, stretching out a hand to pull Azzi up. 

“You don’t have a roommate right?,” she asks with a soft smirk that transforms into a shy grin when Azzi nods. And this isn’t a version of Paige that Azzi's ever met before, so different from her cocky loud best friend, but she’d like to learn her all the same. 

The hotel staff probably think they’re a little drunk as they giggle their way to Azzi’s hotel room. Azzi barely manages to get the door open, before Paige’s lips are all over her again, drifting everywhere from her lips to her neck to her collarbone. 

“Off, off, off,” Paige urges, hands pulling away Azzi’s shirt and she can’t help but giggle at the older girl’s impatience. She keeps her eyes firmly on Paige as she unhooks her bra, smirking as her best friend’s eyes glaze over. Paige moves to touch her, and Azzi moves back immediately. 

“Nuh huh. I show you mine, you show me yours.”

“You’re so fucking annoying,” Paige groans but does as she’s told, discarding her shirt and Azzi’s smirk widens. She moves towards Paige, slowly tracing her tongue down the older girl’s neck. 

“Am I?” Azzi whispers, as she backs her best friend onto the bed. Paige’s eyes follow her every movement as Azzi slowly slides down Paige’s pants, and then her underwear. She runs a finger down Paige’s soaked folds, causing the other girl’s body to shiver, “so wet already, for someone so annoying?”

“Fuck y-” Paige cuts herself off with a groan, when Azzi’s fingers find her sensitive clit.

Settling herself in between the older girl's legs, Azzi grazes her teeth against Paige’s left thigh, satisfied when it makes the other girl’s breath hitch,  “if I’m so annoying maybe I should go?”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Paige warns breathlessly, head propped up against Azzi’s pillows. 

“That’s what I thought,” Azzi smirks, as she peppers kisses up Paige’s thighs, her right thumb lazily flickering against Paige’s clit. 

“You’re such a fucking tease,” Paige lets out a frustrated whine, “just fuck me already.”

Azzi bites down hard against Paige’s thigh, wanting to leave a mark in the one place no one would ever see it, before looking up at Paige, “whatever you want.”

Paige’s entire body writhes as Azzi fucks her tongue into Paige’s pussy, building pace with every thrust. One hand fists around the sheets, as the other moves to grab at Azzi’s head, trying to guide her in deeper. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck shit Azzi please,” Paige curses, eyes rolling into her skull, “just like that fuck.”

She’s so close, words becoming incoherent noises, thighs beginning to shake, when Azzi pulls her tongue off.

“What the fuck-” Paige almost yells but it turns into a groan when Azzi replaces her tongue with two fingers instead, “shit- FUCK.”

Azzi attaches her now-free lips to Paige’s clit and she can tell it’s too much. Paige’s back arches off the bed as her eyes go hazy. And then Azzi’s above her, fingers still rapidly pumping into Paige, as she places a delicate kiss against her lips. 

“Let go baby, I’ve got you,” Azzi whispers into Paige’s ear as the blonde closes her eyes, letting her orgasm wash all over her, “I’ve got you.”

Paige is still for a second, as Azzi slips her fingers out, continuing to press lazy open-mouthed kisses against her best friend’s neck. She squeals when she feels herself being flipped over, back hitting the mattress. 

“What was it you said?” Paige asks cheekily, as starts to unbutton Azzi’s jeans, “I showed you mine, now you have to show me yours.”

Azzi rolls her eyes, a laugh escaping her throat. Trust them to be dorks even in a moment like this. And then Paige attaches her lips to Azzi’s clit and the giggles turn into loud desperate moans. When she slips her fingers in, it’s clear Paige remembers exactly how to push Azzi over the edge. 

“So fucking perfect,” Paige whispers from between her legs, eyes looking up at a blissed-out Azzi with awe, “you’re so fucking perfect.”

“That’s you,” Azzi manages to get out in between bated breaths, before her own orgasm hits her, and Paige’s name waterfalls out of her lips like a prayer. 

There’s no more words after that, only shared looks and soft grins as they make their way into the en-suite bathroom, lazily washing each other between stolen kisses. They fall asleep, wrapped in each other's arms with matching content smiles. 

***

Azzi wakes up alone the next morning. There’s no scribbled note, or even a text. In fact there’s really no proof that Paige was ever there to begin with, except for the ghost of Paige’s touch written all over Azzi’s skin. For a second, Azzi sits in bed and stares out her window. There's a thunderstorm brewing outside (it's not peaceful anywhere when it storms). She watches the raindrops slide down one by one and decides that, that’s the only water that’ll fall today because she won’t shed a single tear and she won’t cry and she most definitely won’t sob. 

She replies to Zoe’s i miss you text with a me too she doesn’t mean.

And then she gets up and goes on with her day. 

[vivicas-dollhouse]

Random mouthwashing headcannons

All sfw, enjoy!!

Anya

Had a goth phase, still really likes the subculture but doesn't dress like it for work reasons.

Her parents are divorced, and during the divorce she tried self harm to make her parents feel bad but she never did it again

She has a fugly cat at home that she leaves with her roommate while she works. She is very defensive of francis (the cat) and hes her pride and joy

Shes on the aroace spectrum, shes never had a partner and never thought it was necessary.

She values skincare and has so many skincare products on the ship that curly said were “unnecessary”

Constantly warm, she hates the uniform because she gets so hot.

Shes not actually shy and quiet, shes just afraid of slimmothy jimmothy

She gets very heated when its game night and is a sour loser

She doesn't like having no roommates, but is glad she doesn't have to have a boy in her room.

Shes good at nursing, shes just bad at test taking and working under pressure

Her main coping mechanism is retail therapy

Daisuke

Is a dog person, keeps photos of all his dogs on his shelves

All his dogs are from the same litter, a mama and 5 babies. They are all retrievers

Has skincare nights with anya, and if hes lucky she will do his makeup

He likes working out but he likes playing his nintendo ds more

Pretty lazy but is still athletic

He buys multiple of any clothes he likes so he can keep wearing them longer

Dropped out of high school but his mom made him get a ged

Dropped out to be a livestreamer… it didn't go well.

Paints his nails

Hes genderfluid, but mainly sticks to masc presenting and he/him pronouns

He likes sanrio

Is constantly freezing but refuses to put on a jacket (he didnt bring any)

Is roommates with jimmy and hates it because jimmy leaves piss around the toilet and is overall a slob

Loves dancing but is embarrassed to dance in public. Luckily tulpar isnt public so he boogies and grooves

Cheats at every game they play

Curly

Is transmasc but had top and bottom surgery and a hysterectomy so no one can tell

Hes brittish :(

Is very forgiving and kind, always giving 2nd and 3rd chances

Is a workaholic

Super organized, hates clutter

Is a cat person, and has an orange main coon named oakley on earth

Can draw really well!! He doesn't let people see his art though

Likes to work out to release stress, specifically boxing

He likes listening to anya and daisuke talk while they do skin care because it reminds him of when he was young

Likes teenage girl type music

Still gets really insecure about his body shape and face being “womanly” and cant tell anyone but jimmy and jimmy doesn't want to hear it

He and jimmy were childhood friends and jimmy still occasionally misgenders him despite curly transitioning when he was 9

Grew up on a farm

Allergic to shellfish and had to go to the hospital once because of it when he was a kid and it traumatized him so bad he doesn't eat anything that might have touched shellfish

Swansea

Has a wife and 3 kids on earth, two girls and one boy

He loves his wife so much, theyve been married for 30 years

He and his wife got sober together as they were both alcoholics

Is 100% a girl dad, he lets them do his makeup and goes to their dance classes, anything they want

He and his son dont get along very well because he got into drugs and swansea keeps taking him to rehab

Swansea loves Daisuke to death but acts tough to “keep professional”

He feels like daisuke has 0 qualifications for the job but teaches him as best as he can

Gets along with anya but on a surface level, but was there for her when she told him about jimmy

Gets angry easy but has been to therapy for anger management and can keep himself from getting too angry

Genuinely a great guy in bad circumstances, we need more people like Swansea

Jimmy

I hate him

He needs to die

I dont like him one bit

[fantasy-brat]

Tw: manipulation, /dubcon, cheating (Minors DNI) this is a dark piece of fiction, you've got the warnings if you continue to read that is your responsibility and solely on yourself. Also sorry about any grammar and spelling errors, I didn't proofread this just typed and hit publish

Wonbin was your best friend's boyfriend who you had been crushing on for years, even before they started dating. She didn't know that of course, nobody did, they all saw you as the it girl's lame, meek and uninteresting best friend. It had been that way in high school and continued into college where the two of you met Wonbin. He was a music major who you saw sitting on a bench one day fiddling with his bass. You haven't taken your eyes off of him a day since, no matter how late or how busy you were, you made sure to walk by that same exact area to catch a peak at the long haired boy.

He was usually by himself or with the same six friends he had. He was painstakingly beautiful and it crushed your soul how afraid you were to talk to him. He couldn't have had a girlfriend yet it made no sense why he wouldn't have one, he was too perfect to be single. Weeks after following him around, you found out where he worked and where his dorm was, casually taking walks by to stare at your pretty introverted princess. Wonbin brightened up your day like no other, not even your best friend who you've shared a soul with since you were nine. Whenever your friends took jabs at you being a lowly virgin who hadn't even kissed anyone yet, or a professor harshly graded your work, a 5 minute stare at Wonbin could fix your entire day.

You tried not to be obvious not wanting to freak him out, but sometimes you wish it was obvious in the hopes that he'd see you were interested and walk up to you. But he never did, and you were fine with it, fine with your stuck to routine. So imagine your surprise when Wonbin broke this routine and was sitting cuddled up next to your best friend, in your shared apartment. You were stunned that the long haired beauty was sitting in your apartment, almost wanting to believe he was there for you until you saw the scene before you. She was all over him, and it made you want to puke. She was sitting directly on top on him in his lap, his own legs were stretched out onto your coffee table intertwined with her legs. Her head was on his chest and her arms were shoved underneath his hoodie exposing his olive- toned abs. Wonbin was leaning his head down to rest his cheek against the top of her's and they both looked up when they saw you step into the room.

Your best friend removed her hands from underneath his hoodie and sat up in his lap, smiling at you as you walked into the room. "Hey, you're home! This is the guy I've been telling you about, my new boyfriend." she grinned at you before looking lovingly up at Wonbin. Your face remained cold, a storm was brewing inside of you and silence was the only way to keep it at bay. Your lack of response caused an awkward silence, both your best friend and Wonbin's cheeks flushed at your hard stare. He cleared his throat and sat up straighter "Hi Y/N it's nice to meet you, Kira has told me so much about you." You just removed your eyes from her and blankly stared at him, you wanted stick your thumbs in his eyeballs until he bled out. How dare he? After practically stalking him for months, he never notices you and has the nerve to go after your best friend? Hadn't he known what their connection had meant to you, and now he's broken your heart.

Kira, knowing you better than anyone else could sense your approaching anger boiling inside of you. "Babe, did you have a bad day? Do you want to join us and watch the movie, we ordered Pizza, your favorite too, a meat lover's."

You continued to glare daggers at Wonbin for at least a minute, before looking towards your best friend and plastering on a fake smile, unable to mask the coldness in your eyes. "No....Thank you.", you deadpanned before stomping away towards your room, and that's how it's stayed for years. A growing resentment towards Wonbin that you couldn't mask no matter how hard you tried. A small part of you had hoped he couldn't take your bitterness and left your best friend, but no, they've stayed together for four long years. You refused to look at another man since, not wanting to waste more months of your life on one just to be utterly disappointed. Your friends continued to pick at your single-status and Wonbin, wanting to help even offered to introduce some of his friends to you. "Sungchan is a really cool guy, I'm sure the two of you would get along great." You practically bit his head for that, and any other time he tries to speak to you. Wonbin could never do anything right to you, no matter how hard he tried.

You would see her sadness at her best friend's rejection of her relationship, and you'd hear her cry when the fights between you got bad enough to make him burst into tears. "Please, please, stop being so hard on him.", she begged you with tears running down her face one night. You just scoffed at her and remained cold, "Why should I care about not hurting that absolute bum?" She'd sob into defeat before angrily spitting out "This is why you've never been able to get a guy and I'm your only friend. You're such a miserable bitch." You'd let out a chuckle before turning your eyes towards her "and yet... here you are, begging this bitch for kindness."

Your actions towards Wonbin have clearly put a strain on your friendship, yet neither of you actually made the step to try and end it. Even after graduation and you moved out of your shared apartment. Kira, moving into one with Wonbin and you renting one near your job. Even as the two of you naturally grew distant as you began truly adulting into the work world, working in two different fields. You sadly saw Wonbin less, and when you did see him you began to notice the strain in their relationship. They weren't assaulting your eyes with PDA like they always used to and the soft-bitch boy began getting snappier and snappier with Kira. As for Kira the rare times you two got to sit down alone at your apartment to share a glass of wine, she bitched about Wonbin wasn't supportive of her career, at least how he acted like he was. She talked about his jadedness from failing to break into the music industry as an artist, choosing to work as a guitar and dance teacher instead. "I really love him, I do, I just feel like he gave up without even trying." You never said anything just silently listened to the resentment grow between them before taking a sip of your wine.

Another year pasts and like you had hoped for years at one point, they finally broke up. It was short lived though, getting back together not even 4 months later. The relationship was failing and everyone could see they were holding on to try and make it work. The next time you see Wonbin you hadn't even realized it was him at first, his back was turned to you, after you walked into a random room during a new year's party. "Oh, I'm sorry." you apologized after interrupting the couple who were currently sucking on each other's faces. The two jumped and split apart, the guy practically launching himself into the wall to get away from the woman. This is when you finally see his face, short hair in place of the long gone long locks and plump lips parted in surprised. His cheeks were flushed like they usually were whenever you were around, no doubt about it, it was Wonbin.

"Wonbin?", you muttered in surprised at seeing him at this new year's party, he was the last person you expected to see. It was technically a work party, none of your old friends were here, not even Kira. Kira. Looking towards the woman confirming your thoughts, this woman was not your best friend and yet your best friend's boyfriend was kissing her. "You're cheating." you stated, not asking a question, no matter how messy they've been lately, they were in fact still in a relationship.

"N-n-no, it's not-"

"Then what is it, this woman isn't Kira and yet you were kissing her?"

"Please, let me explain." He stood up from the wall eye's pleading for mercy from the woman who has always tried to tear him down. In comparison to the tears brewing in his eyes, yours remained cold and face was as hard as a statue. Looking away from his teary eyes, you looked towards the swollen lipped woman who looked uncomfortable and confused. "Get out." you said to her barely above a whisper, she practically sighed in relief before adjusting her clothes and trying to fix as her hair as she jogged out of the room. After watching her go you looked back towards the man who was practically shaking with fear.

"I knew you were always pathetic, I didn't think you'd be a cheater too." you shot at him, seeing him flinch at the words pathetic and cheater.

"It's not as simple as it looks, Kira and I have been fighting all time an-"

"And?"

"And she said some really hurtful things to me tonight."

"What did she say?", The room you were was a small sitting room, you grabbed a chair and sat down wanting to hear what would make Wonbin of all people cheat on his girlfriend. You knew personally he wasn't anything like he looked, he was a meek crybaby afraid to upset the people he loved, and has much as you loathed to admit it, he loved your best friend.

Wonbin watched you take a seat, relaxing a bit at your lack of aggression that you usually had during your interactions. Choosing not to grab a chair, he directly took a seat on the floor in front of you before spilling his guts.

"She told me, she thought I was a loser and that the one thing she kept me around for I was getting sloppy at."

"What was that?", You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, looking down at the damn near whimpering man sitting in front on you. He squirmed a little, clearly hesitating to tell. "What?" you snapped at him making him jump from the raising of your voice.

"S-s-she said I was bad at sex.", He whispered

"The whole thing?"

"N-no, she said I was bad at eating her out.", a tear streamed down his face as he flushed in humiliation. The shock at the statement caused you to burst out laughing in his face, Wonbin looked down in shame. "Are you serious?"

"I wasn't always bad at it, she just likes different things now and we aren't as compatible as we were before."

"Can't wait to hear what she thinks of these excuses for cheating."

"W-what?", His big eyes widening in shock.

"What, you didn't think I wasn't going to tell her were you?"

"But I-"

"Were still about to cheat on your girlfriend, my best friend. Any sob story you were about to spit out wasn't going to change that." You stood up towering over Wonbin before continuing to berate him.

"You can't use your sad dick or mouth right and that some how means you get free reign to cheat instead of I don't know, breaking up with her? Wow, Wonbin you're continuing to prove how much of a bum you are."

Wonbin's head hung low as you threw insult after insult at him, when you were finished he wiped the tears off his face and stood up, bravely looking you in the eyes for the first time in years. He never understood your hatred towards him, when all he ever did was try to be kind to you. Every olive branch he extended was shot down and he was berated while you were doing it. He wasn't in college anymore, he didn't need to stand there and listen to you treat him like shit.

"I'm leaving." He mumbled and turned to head towards the door before hearing you jump up to stop him.

"Where are you going?"

"To tell Kira what happened before you do, maybe she'll forgive me and we can work past this." He watched you slowly walk up to him, one of the rare times he saw emotion on your face. You were hesitating about something and looked a little desperate.

"You don't have to tell her, I'll keep it a secret, if I can get something in return." You finally said after silently staring at him for a few seconds, raising your eyes from his collarbone to main eye contact.

"What is it?"

"You wanted to cheat didn't you, kiss me.", You leaned in only to have Wonbin step back and furrow his eyebrows, you didn't want to figure out if it was in confusion or disgust. The rejection was already humiliating enough. "Fine, I'll just call her now and tell her that you already fucked that girl." You spat out while taking out your phone before continuing "She's been getting sick of you anyway, I doubt she's going to be so forgiving this time."

"W-w-wait but I didn't sleep wi-"

"Does it matter, you still cheated and you really think she'll stay?" Your words sinking in, finally making him realize how badly he fucked up in the situation. His and Kira's relationship was hanging on by a thread and one of reasons they kept coming back to each other was their former passionate love. If she finds out her image of their former passion would be destroyed and he couldn't let them end like this.

He looked down at your lips, they were a light pink color and just as full as his lips. He's never looked at you that way, it would be hard to look at someone who has made you cry countless times with anything less than disdain, yet, he swallowed hard and pressed his lips against you.

Finally, after all this years of wondering what his plush lips felt like against yours, Wonbin was finally kissing you. You had to stop yourself from smiling into the kiss instead grabbing the back of his neck and pressing him against you even harder. He tried to keep it simple at first but when you started tonguing at his lips he opened them and let you explore his mouth with your tongue. It felt good, you smelled good, if you had told him 3 years ago that he would be kissing his beloved girlfriend's horrible best friend, he would tell you to shoot him.

You pulled away with a smack of the lips, breaking him away from his thoughts, you were annoyed and he almost shivered at the sight. Wonbin always ended up in tears whenever you were annoyed. "Kiss me back Wonbin." you demanded raising your eyebrows in expectance.

"O-okay.", He nodded leaning in exploring your own mouth with his tongue. It felt like hours that the two of you stood there slowly and sloppily making out. The only sounds in the room were the movements of lips and tongue against each and the occasional moan you made. Wonbin didn't want to admit that the sounds of your moans caused his dick to ache. You stood on top of his feet to stop the strain that would come to both of your necks. Both your cheeks were starting to get covered in the other's spit, running down and dripping off of your chin. You finally pulled away, almost creaming at the sight of the long string of spit connecting the two of you. Wonbin's lips were even plumper than usual and all around his mouth was swollen and red, if they two of you kissed any harder he might've started bleeding.

He felt you reach down and palm and at his dick that was increasing growing hard at your touch. Despite this goosebumps appeared on his skin and his body grew stiff, he thought you just wanted to kiss? Seeing the question in his eyes you chuckled, biting your lip as you looked at the bulge in his jeans.

"You really didn't think I'd keep the secret for just a kiss did you? This is what you came here to do anyway."

"Bu-"

"Do you really want to tell me no right now, because not only did you cheat on her with that other bitch, you just made out with and got hard from her best friend? Stopping being a pussy Wonbin."

"Okay.", He muttered ignoring his hard on to sulk at his lack of choice in the situation. He never expected to kiss you, let alone have sex with you.

"Don't pout, maybe you and I will be more "compatible" than you and Kira are. Now take your clothes off." You ordered him tugging his shirt up to reveal his toned stomach, and teasingly tugged on his belt unbuckling it. He silently obeyed looking down at the ground as he stripped himself down in front of the woman who practically gives him nightmares. He was terrified to be so vulnerable in front of you, afraid you'd pick his body apart like you've done his every action.

Once he finally had the courage to look up from the ground, completely naked in front of you. He watched you sit back down in the chair you were in previously. Your eyes went over his body, the same blank stare on your face that you've always had. He almost wanted to say something, when you finally did something and that was reach under your skirt and pulled your panties off, tossing them in front of his feet. He only glanced at them for a second, and even then he still got a clear view of your wet slick staining your panties before looking back up at you to see what you would do next.

"You're going to jack your sad dick off while you sniff my panties. Then we're going to see if your mouth is as shitty as she says it.", You instructed, slowly spreading your legs while you stated the last sentence. He couldn't see up your skirt, but a shiver went down his spine knowing your bare core was underneath, waiting for him to burry himself inside of you. "Understood?"

"Yes." He answered before sinking down on his knees, slowly picking up the soiled panties and pressing them to his nose. He inhaled your scent and began slowly pumping his cock, closing his eyes when the eye contact got too intense for him.

"Don't worry, she won't find out, it'll be our little secret."

[apocalypseornaw]

Prove It (Pt 3/5)

Dean Winchester x Reader

Advice from a friend leads you to calling Dean

You were grateful to always have a place to go that wasn't Jody's or Donna's. You loved both of them, don't get it wrong but they loved Dean as much as they loved you which meant they would call him the moment you showed or at the very least text.

Alicia on the other hand? She was good with Dean but she was your friend first and firmly in your corner. She didn't even ask when you called to see if you could stay with her for a couple days, and didn't push when you told her it was a planned trip you made with Dean.

You were sitting on her porch, curled up in the swing under a blanket with a cup of chamomile tea in your hands watching the rain fall down. You'd left the bunker just two days ago. There was about a hundred missed calls and texts from Dean. You didn't even want to check how many voicemails there was.

You knew you needed to talk to him, he didn't deserve radio silence but you didn't want to speak when fueled by anger and pain. You needed to have a clear head to talk to him. You wanted to believe Dean loved you the way you loved him, but the way you'd felt sitting there alone waiting for him to come back only to learn he'd chosen to go to a bar instead? Yeah it hurt.

"Y/N?" You heard Alicia's voice and glanced up to see she was standing at the door with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a cup of tea as well. A small smile worked its way onto your face so you moved over and patted the swing next to you. She walked over to join you, getting comfortable before she finally spoke "You're hurting and I want to help but I don't want to stick my nose into something that's none of my business"

You swallowed hard, looking out across the field next to her house. It was gorgeous here, Asia's mother had made sure her and Max had solid places to call home when they weren't hunting. What was that like? "He didn't cheat" you spoke quietly and she nodded "I pretty much knew that but the question remains what happened?" Before you knew it you were spilling your heart out to Alicia.

-----------

She let you get it all out, only interacting when she saw you needed it. Once it was off your chest you felt better. She watched you for a few moments before asking "Can I say something without sounding like I'm taking anyone's side but yours?" You nodded "Of course" she smiled slightly "You love Dean and no matter the mistakes he's made he loves you. He can't even try to make it up to you or even explain himself if you won't talk to him" You knew she was right, she knew that you knew she was right. Instead of rubbing it in she simply grabbed your mug "I'll go make more tea"

Dean hadn't slept since you left. He couldn't. He was used to you being next to him, used to feeling you reach for him in your sleep, used to waking up next to you.

He'd gone down the list of people you would stay with. You weren't at Garths, Jody's or Donna's. Him and Sam had checked every cabin within a five hundred mile radius either themselves or gotten someone to check it. He was starting to panic, what if something had happened? What if you were hurt? What if the last thought you had of him was that he hadn't bothered to come home for your anniversary?

He let out a breath and leaned back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling. He'd just allowed his eyes a moment to close when his phone rang. He nearly flipped the chair when he stood up to grab it "Hello?"

The sound of rain on a tin roof hit his ears first followed by your voice, a sound that put his very soul at ease "Dean, I'm at Alicia's" "So you're ok?" He asked and felt a wave of relief when you laughed lightly "For the most part. I don't want to come home but I want to talk but not over the phone please"

He nodded then kicked himself, he was on the phone you couldn't see him "Can I come there sweetheart?" He held his breath the few seconds it took you to finally answer "Yeah" he sat down in the chair again, letting himself feel the relief of knowing you were safe "I'll be there soon. Baby I am sorry and I love you" it felt like a knife in his chest when you simply said "See you soon" before hanging up.

He stared at the phone for a moment before hollering "SAMMY I'M GOING TO ALICIA'S"

@starkleila @fluff-lover @lacilou @suckitands33 @lyarr24 @decadentstrangernacho @nix-rose @irgendwas122 @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @tas898

[jaythestargirl]

Call it my memior

Hi, uh, I'm Jay. Jayda Marie Thompson if you're nosy. I've been told I have to give a little introduction to myself, and my life and shit, so, this is me attempting to do that.

Oh, and I always sucked at public speaking through school. I may be academically inclined, but my oral presentation skills need a little tweaking...

My oral stimulation skills though, well, I'm ya girl.

Anyway, moving on, let me give you a few facts about my life; Below the cut is What I Look Like, Who I am As A Person, What I'm Into, My friends, my Family, and All the AU's I'm Centered In.

My Look and My Energy:

Obviously you can gather what I look like, and what my energy is like from the pictures above, but here's some more details about little old me, buckle in!

Hair: warm brown / curly (about 3a or 3b) / bangs / usually long to mid back

Eyes: Blue with a slight green hue (a bit like the ocean bcs symbolism)

Height: 5"7 / 5"8 but I often wear shoes that make me taller

Build: Muscular but not insanely - I'm an athlete and enjoy physical exercise and keeping in shape for sport, but I'm not controlled by fitness or working out - I lose some muscle and gain some fat when I stop playing sports but I loves my beautiful (sexy) body either way

Gender: she/her but other than that don't even ask, i don't wanna think about it

Birthday: December 3rd (the year changes depending on the AU) - A Sagittarius if you fuck with that sorta thing.

Culture: Middle class Australian if you can even call that culture. A bit of a bogan if you know what that is, none of my friends do :(

General Aesthetics: Grungy kinda girl / dark colour pallet / smokey foreshadow / dark red lipstick / DIY clothes, outfits, decor / red wine and cigarettes kinda girl / tattoos but half of them are stick & pokes or from sketchy sources / chipped nail polish / perfumes that smell like soil after rain, cinamon, pomegranate, musk, sandalwood, orange, and tobacco / redbull and cherry coke kinda girl / leaves my makeup on for the next day / band posters & shirtless rockstars on my wall / martinis olives and pickles with some crumbly and blue cheese encapsulates my energy well

My soul is the colour of red wine and ripe cherries and blackberries and the night sky and the dark side of the moon and black coffee and hibiscus berry teas and moss and skinned knees and candle light and gun powder and rotting flower petals and sapphires and rubies and blossoming bruises

My Values and Personality:

I prefer the summer / a part of my soul dies in the winter

I'm queer though I don't care about putting a specific label on it (though, when I'm written into the 80's I call myself bisexual because I learnt those terms from Bowie and ran with it because that's all we really knew in small towns)

I'm working through some stuff, no matter the AU, mainly my anger issues and tenancy to jump straight to violence to diffuse a situation, which obviously only makes it worse. I don't really know why I'm like this, my psych Cindy doesn't know either, but she's helping me through it all.

I don't fuck with cheaters. For a girl of my... looseness, lots of guys in relationships tend to think I'm a floozy that will sleep with anyone. But I sometimes have some standards! I don't sleep with committed men or women. You cheat, I'm dobbing your sorry ass in.

I love lily's. All types of lilys.

I've always done well in school, things like reading and writing have always been easy, and I fly through school with good grades. It's the one thing my mother is proud of me for! I don't do as well in maths and science, but my brother helps me out when I need, and I understand enough to pass well enough.

Any guy that tries to claim that men are "naturally better / stronger / more athletic / more intelligent" than woman is getting decked. Cindy doesn't mind that one so much, anger issues are a work in progress but sometimes some idiots just need to be punched in the face.

I hate the concept of judging people by their looks. It's so stupid and outdated, people are complex! However, I definitly do judge people by their looks... I keep an open mind though! And I keep my judgments to myself. And usually it's just me spotting an alternative person out in the wild and assuming they're really cool.

I'm competative as fuck.

I don't condone bullying for the most part. I'm blunt, and judgmental, based on others actions. If someone wants to act like an idiot I'll tell them that, I'll call them stupid and run them into the ground, I don't care. But bullying someone because they're a little different? A little slower than you are? A little smaller, or nerdier, or expressive of their interests? That shit won't slide with me. Lots of kids in my brothers year level are scared of me now, I don't fuck with bullying like that.

I embrace difference, I think it's really cool. Whenever any of my friends open up about a niche interest, I'm all over it. I love when people are expressive and wacky and weird. David Bowie speaks to me for a reason.

I'm an outgoing kinda gal, love a good party and will take any excuse to hit the dance floor. I like talking to strangers, even though they piss me off and often disappoint me. I like to lie to strangers too, mess with them a little bit, my mother calls me a terror but my brother and my friends think it's funny.

My Interests and Hobbies:

I love, love, love music. It's my life. You'll never catch me not jamming out to a song in one way or another. My favorite artist is David Bowie, but I'm more often listening to Nu or Punk or other heavier genres, I've got a pretty eclectic music taste though. Here's a link to my liked songs playlist

Leading on from music, I play guitar and I've drabbled in percussion. I liked using the schools music facilities to fuck around with a few different instruments, but those are the two I'm best at. I started learning acoustic as a kid, on my old little guitar covered in flower stickers that I named Marsha (Brady Bunch - she was my first crush but I didn't know it at the time). Mum liked when I played that, then I started to learn a few rock songs, then I found an electric, I've been disappointing her ever since.

I play footy - well, at least I did back home in Australia - I've always loved the sport, my parents are avid watchers and always attended the home games. I was captain of the footy team too (until the girls team got cut in the 80's due to a lack of girls signing up and also sexism), ruthless on the feild and determined to win. I've had several injuries over the years.

I like to write sometimes, as a bit of an outlet. I didn't really explore this until I started seeing Cindy. I told her that I liked to write stories and things when I was little, when I was first learning to write and read, and she suggested I try that again. I write all sorts of stuff now, nothing good, really, but it helps distract my mind when I need it, or an outlet for all my emotions.

I doubt it really counts as a hobby, but Cindy tells me everything I get enjoyment or contempt from counts, so I like to go out under the sun for a while and smoke. Sometimes I watch the birds, sometimes I make shapes in the clouds, sometimes I count the stars, sometimes I people watch, but I enjoy that moment of serenity.

I love going to see live music, bands and stuff. Feeling the bass vibrations in my soul and thrashing around the pit, it's amazing. I fucking love a mosh-pit, and I love when I get a bruise or cut or something to commemorate the moment.

Another thing I love to do, hobby or not, is sit down with my Aunt or my friends, have a cherry coke or a glass of wine, and talk absolute shit about whatever we can think of. It's a great way for my brain to unwind after a stressful couple of days, and I love a good bit of gossip. Who doesn't?

I'm not really interested in cars by any means, but I am interested in my Baby. Saved up all the money I had and bought a second hand Dodge Challenger in honour of my dad (usually only in the 80's centric AUs unless I'm rich in modern AUs), she's not red with racing stripes like my dad dreamed of, and she's definitely not pink and sparkly like my six year old dreams, but she's Black Ghost, I named her Elvira, 'cause she's the Mistress of the Dark (or for fun, we call her the Slutmobile, because she's an easy drive and always ready to take me on one hell of a ride).

I love soaps and horrible daytime tv dramas, sue me. I love mindless, shitty television, and I love a good drama. Dynasty is my favorite show at the moment (80's), and I love House MD too (modern AU).

I also love shitty coming of age romance movies. I'm a total sucker for a cringy plotline that's super obvious. When I was a kid, I'd watch those types of movies and things with mum, ones with sappy romances and happy endings, and big fairytale ballgowns, and I dreamed of one day getting my happy ending. I still - even though it's mortifying - dream of putting on a pretty dress and feeling like a princess for the night as some handsome person sweeps me off my feet.

My Friends and Relationships:

Eddie Munson: I was created origionally as a replacement for a y/n x Eddie Munson fic (crazy, I know), but my Creator wanted to give me too much of a personality so they ended up naming me and bringing me to life instead. That's pretty cool, I guess. So, in most AU's Eddie and I end up together. Which is pretty cool, he's a really sweet boyfriend, and after all the mistreatment I've suffered from men over the years, it's nice to be pampered like a fucking princess. And yes, he makes all of my dreams come true. And yeah, obviously he brings out the sap in me, leave me the fuck alone, I'm happy. He makes me really happy. Sometimes, when I'm living in an AU where I'm paired up with someone else, Eddie and I are always friends. Our personalities mash together way too well for us not to get along. He's really sweet, and funny, and gives me discounts on weed, so what's not to like? Also, I'm a sucker for dorks. Pretty much everyone I love and value in my life is a dork in one way or another. Eddie's probably the biggest though, and I love that about him. I love everything about him, especially the strange and off-putting.

Robin Buckley: Robin Buckley, the woman that you are! Robin is my best fucking friend. She's probably the realest friend I've ever had too. She's so sweet and fucking adorable, I mentioned before about loving dorks. What's not to love about lil'ol' Buckles? Our introductions to one another are always awkward, because she's awkward and a clutz, and I don't know how to act around nice girls that I'd really like to be friends with, genuinely. But it always works out in the end. I'm drawn to her oddness, and she is fascinated by how extroverted and crude I am. We also connect over being what feels like the only two queer people -- at least women -- in Hawkins, and we both pretend that we don't develop mini crushes on each other at one point. In some AUs, my Creator likes to have us end up together, which I love, because I love Robin, and I love women, and I love eating pussy- Honestly, Creator, you gotta hook us up more, she's great! I probably end up with her the most, second to Eddie, of course. But my Creator does really value our friendship more, and as much as they love a good sapphic relationship, I'm the typa girl who really fucking needs a good female friend, and Robin is a perfect friend for me too. When in school, Robin convinced me to join her soccer team, and we were in music class, drama class, and science together. We both loved getting to nerd out in those classes together.

Steve Harrington: Steve Harrington, the man that you are! He's my best friend too, Robin introduced us and the three of us quickly became inseparable. I don't ever think I could get on the freaky level of friendship that Robin and Steve have, but honestly, I can respect that, I love when the three of us hang out and they're off in their own little world and I get to watch them be weirdos together, it genuinely makes me so fucking happy. In some AU's, Steve and I hooked up in the start of our friendship. It was most of them, and Steve would often catch feelings for me but then my Creator kept hurting their own feelings doing that because they also love Steve, so that kinda stopped. Though, our sex went crazy. Sometimes we end up together too, in a few little AU's spinning around my Creators head, but we're better off as friends. He teaches me a lot of things, he helps me realise that if he wanted too, he would. Because Steve does. He never fails. Every date he goes on, they get flowers, they get picked up and dropped home, and they only fuck on the first date if she makes a move to, and he's such a gentleman it really made me reconsider life... and my sexuality. It's so great, getting to know him, simply because he's nothing like you'd expect, a key example of why one should never judge a book by it's cover. He is also the best person to go to for a glass of red and a gossip session, he gets all the juicy stuff. We really help each other feel a little more deserving of the love we each receive. And when working together, We're the worlds best wingmen for Robin, and her biggest supporters. Steve's the first man I've actually felt fully comfortable around, other than my daddy and my brother and my Uncle Rich (but even getting comfortable with him took a while), and he's one of the few who genuinely treat me with respect and the love I apparently deserve. Steve said that is terribly sad and then hugged me a bunch, which made me cry so hard I failed at pretending I didn't care.

Max Mayfeild: In AU's where I lose my brother (most of them), I often connect with Max. We bond over the loss of our brothers, and find comfort and solace in one another. She's a few years younger than me, but I like hanging out with her anyway. We listen to cool music, and chat, and she teaches me how to skateboard, and I teach her some guitar. She tells me all about her long distance friend El, and her sometimes boyfriend Lucas, and all her little friends that I learn are Steve and Eddie's little sheep. And I tell her little anecdotes about my own love life throughout the years, but I tread lightly so as to not influence her to fall down the same tragic path I took. I give her her first cigarette, Steve gets mad at me for it, she hates it anyway, and I was twelve the first time I had one! (Looking back though, I realise this was wrong and will try to refrain from being a bad influence, mostly). We sort of become sibling figures to one another. It's nice to get to look out and help another kid, to have a little sister, I guess. And it's nice to be needed like a big sister again, she's like a little bit of glue in my fractured heart.

Wayne Munson: In AUs when Eddie and I end up together, Wayne is a massive part of our story, because he's a massive part of Eddie's. And whatever is important to the ones I love, is important to me. I was weary, at first, because he's a quiet, gruff old man, and he's Christian which has often been an issue in my past, and born in the South which I have learned often means conservative to some degree. But, alas, my judgements of his cover were wrong again! He's one of the kindest, most gentle people I've ever met. The pair of us became peas in a pod quite quickly, even though we're very different, but Eddie is the one thing that really brings us together. We connect over music, and how annoying and silly Eddie is and how much we love him, and shitty Soap TV we both pretend we don't watch, and sharing stories of our late family members. His door is always open for me, and though he's never said it, Eddie tells me he loves when I park up on the sofa next to his arm chair, because he likes chatting with me and my lively spirit reminds him of his sister. I like that I bring him that bit of comfort, he sorta becomes like a father figure to me too, is always ready to help when I get myself into trouble. Even in AU's where Eddie and I go through a rough patch, or break up, he reaches out and makes sure I'm doing okay. I check on him too. We somehow, much to Eddie's delight, become very important to each other.

My Family:

Mum; Sharron Thompson: I have a pretty strained relationship with mum. We used to be close, when I was little, a total girly girl. But things started to change as I grew up, as I got curious and a little gritty. She can't stand who I've turned into, not prim and proper and sweet, but rough around the edges and temperamental with a penchant for breaking the rules. Especially her rules. It's hard. She's Catholic, though, not strictly. Those views and values are important to her though, which I get, really, I do, having a faith is really important to a lot of people. It's just when you start treating your own kid like shit because of those "preachings in the Bible" that I begin to have an issue with it. And sure, I get that finding out your fifteen year old daughter is having sex would be a rude shock, and I guess I probably shouldn't have been doing that, but the extent of her purity culture was the real deal breaker. She made me wear a ring for it and everything, I never did, unless I went to church with her. No sex until marriage is crazy, look at the state of the world! It's depressing out here, let people be horny. And it's really rich coming from her, even though she preaches purity culture like a prayer, because I did the maths mum! I know you're a hypocrite, it takes nine months to grow a baby, I was born seven months after you married dad! But it's more the whole... everything else that my real issue aligns with. Because she calls me filthy, and a disappointment, lazy, and a slut, and tells me I should be ashamed of myself, every time I pick up my guitar, or play heavier music, or put on my footy uniform, or tackle my brother on the couch, or burp when I'm in private, or pick a pair of shorts over a dress, or let my hair sit curly rather than straighten and bleach it like hers. I just want my mummy to love me again, like when I was a little girl. I miss being a little girl, and I miss being enough for her. It feels like I'll never be good enough.

Dad; Darren Thompson: I'm closest with my dad, he's my best friend and biggest supporter. He likes to call me bug, a shortened from caterpillar, because he always tells me that one day I'm going to blossom into a beautiful butterfly and spread my wings. He got me into footy, and good music like Cream and Deep Purple and Zeppelin, and Dodge Challangers. His absolute dream car was a red Dodge, with double white racing stripes down the middle. We used to go around to scrap yards and visit sellers, and whenever he found a Dodge he'd lift me up to sit on the bonnet so i could pretend to drive it, I always felt so cool. I used to dream that one day he'd get the car he wanted, and I'd get a pink glittery one to match him, and then we could race our cars all the time. I was sure I'd win, because I had sparkle power in my pocket, and he was a great dad and always let me win the races we'd have to get inside the door after school, or on the race to see who could hug mummy the fastest. He's my biggest supporter, even if he doesn't really understand everything I do, or say, or want. He just wants me to be happy and alive at the end of the day. One time, after I broke down to him about mum, he promised that my wings would come in soon, whether I wanted to be a pretty butterfly, or a moth, or an eagle, or an aroplane, one day I'd soar.

Brother; Thomas Thompson: My little brother is pretty cool, don't tell him I said that though. He's a little shit, that's for sure. Most annoying fucking kid on the planet and his burps stink like month old sewerage, but he's chill. He's really fucking smart, a little maths and science wizz, his friend group started their own after school club where they just solve equations the whole time, it's fucking weird but I've gotta respect it. He's got a great music taste though, but only because he stole it from me. He also loves Dungeons and Dragons, and he and his little nerd friends used to play every weekend. They used to try and rope me into playing when they were a lot younger, and when I was still cool and awesome in all of their little eyes, but now I'm lame and annoying so they don't. I also think one of his friends totally has a crush on me, because he's got dyslexia and one time I helped him write and run a campaign because he always struggled too, and from then on he was always stuck to my side and asking after me. Tommy fucking hated this. It was hilarious. He's a total dork, and he stinks, and likes to come into my room and turn all the lights on, move stuff around, and then leave with the door wide open just to be a little shit. I wanna punch that kid sometimes, but I'd kill someone for him, give him my kidney too. I'll never share my fucking lamingtons with him though. He's two years younger than me, and it really shows. Little shit gets youngest sibling privileges. He got everything two years earlier than I did, and I used to beat him up for it out of jealousy when we were kids. One time he retaliated by wiping his boogers all over my favorite Barbie doll. I had a meltdown that lasted three hours, gave my parents a migraine, and used said doll to hit Tommy so hard that he had a bruise in the shape of her face on his cheek. I love him and all of his weird little inventions.

Unfortunately, thanks to my stupid fucking Creator, my family above often dies when I'm sixteen, how great! They call it "character development" and an "interesting plot-line", but I just call it trauma, you fucking cunt.

Sometimes though, they don't all die! Sometimes my mother gets to live, and then not only do I struggle with survivors guilt a lot of the time, I also struggle through the guilt of wishing it were her that died rather than my dad or brother. Cindy helps, but it's hard.

Sometimes they don't die though, sometimes they all live but there's a strain in our relationship, which is why I end up moving overseas. Because I grew up with them in South Australia, but after their deaths / the rift in the family, I move to Hawkins and stay with my Aunt and Uncle for a while.

Uncle; Richard Thompson: Rich (or Dick, as Lisa and I so lovingly like to call him) is my dads brother, and the apple didn't fall very far from the tree with them. Rich is a bit bigger and burlier than my dad, but they have identical, horrible, horrible mustaches. Lisa said she only hasn't divorced him because he looks a bit like Tom Selleck, and she likes him a lot, which I think is funny because it fuels Rich's ego a fuck-tonne. He's sweet, and he takes his role of looking after me very seriously. Honestly, he's more strict than my real dad, but it's nice, how much he cares. He always wanted a daughter, but the pair couldn't have their own kids, so he never got to be a dad, until I came around. I know I mean a lot to him, I remind him of his brother too. He reminds me of my dad. He moved to America to see his dad after finishing high school, since my grandparents on my dads' side divorced a few years prior, and gramps headed back over to the US with the rest of his family. Dad stayed home, because he'd gotten an apprenticeship and couldn't give that up, it wasn't long after that he met mum anyway. I don't know much about Rich's youth, and because of this fact I have good reason to suspect he was a little bit of a delinquent. I know that he and Lisa met in a police station, and even with a black eye he was a gentleman-ish to her. He won her over eventually though, it's his proudest accomplishment, he says. Lisa came from a conservative family too, so in order to marry Rich, she had to leave her family behind, they wouldn't support the pair of them. It was real love though. Rich say's it was because of his muscles.

Aunt; Lisa McLoone-Thompson: Lisa is way cooler than anyone would be lead to believe. She's a dedicated woman, with a huge fucking heart. She's loyal to her church, and believes in God, but she's the realest fucking Christian Jay's ever met. She runs food drives for the poor and homeless out of the church, hosts fundraisers to raise money for the hospital, the schools, the foster system in Hawkins. When she was younger, without her parents knowledge, she attended protests, and would regularly go debate the mayor about what he could do better, and would hang around the police station to help any women that would come in to report abuse, to support and believe them, especially if the police did not. She's a pillar in the community. And she gets the most random gossip, it's great, I love her so much. I hope to one day be half as cool as she is in the future. Family has always come first in her life, so leaving her own family for Richard was the hardest decision she's ever had to make. But it was the choice she had to make, at the end of it all. Her family didn't support her forward views, didn't support the idea of a woman having her own bank account, or to have a purpose other than being pretty and becoming a mother, and they didn't believe her when she told them she was raped. Richard did. Richard was there that night it happened, when she went to the police station to report it and was ignored, he didn't know why she was there, but he put a smile on her face and listened when she told him to go away. And eventually, he won her over, after finding her around town, teaching himself all about her interests, and feminism, just so he could talk to her. When she opened up about the abuse she'd suffered, he held her, believed her, supported her. He always supported her, she loves him so much. She's a big inspiration to me, and I love getting to live with her. It sometimes feels shitty though, to be around Lisa and feel comfortable being myself, when I was walking on eggshells around my own mother. She's the mother I've always wanted. I love being her daughter.

AUs I'm Imagined Into:

So, most of these AU's have not been written into stories yet, because my Creator is a sloth with severe procrastination issues and who cannot finish a WIP to save their life. But, I will be posting about them all on this blog, giving tastes into whats' being whirled up in their mind and what's already been bought to life. None of it's published yet, i don't think.

They're all organised by Hashtags that you can see listed, as well as descriptions for what they all are about, below:

#The Freak Universe - #Superache Universe - #TFU / SU Alternate Ending - #Just Like Honey - #Living With Sammy - #Eddie Falls For A Streamer - #Royal Fantasy AU - #Transfem AU - #My Dream Pollycule - #The Jay and Robin Are In Love Today AU

#The Freak Universe This is the OG fic, this is my birth and my beginning. It was originally a fic named FREAK, a y/n insert until I got a personality and was imagined up. It's unfinished but so far like 60 something chapters long, if I'm remembering correctly, but I don't think my Creator will ever finish it. It's mostly cannon compliant. And was posted on Wattpad until it got taken down for "violating community guidelines" 'cause Eddie and I fuck nasty in it. There are a collection of fics that pair with this one, this is obviously the main storyline for Eddie and I, but then theres a second part after Eddie and I break up post UD (because we develop addictions to deal with the trauma and become super toxic), where we meet at the Hawkins High 10 year reunion, where I'm married to an abusive but rich asshole and have a few kids, but I'm still in love with Eddie after nine years no contact, and it's about me breaking free from my abuser and making it back home to Hawkins and finding myself again, and helping my kids through their trauma from it, and ending up with Eddie again. And then theres a third part, very unwritten, just living in my Creators head, where my kids are all grown in their last years of highschool and heading off to college, and its more about their lives and their dramas and their traumas, which is pretty cool cause I love my kids. I also have a kid with Eddie, which is awesome because we used to dream about having a kid together.

#Superache Universe Superache is a re-writing of FREAK, however, it is significantly fucking better, actually makes sense, and gives me way more of a real personality this time, which is awesome. It too follows the cannon timeline, and sticks pretty close to the story-line, only diverging slightly to fit me into it. It ends the same way as the FREAK chronicles do, with a break up, then part two about breaking out of my abusive marriage, and part three about my kids as they're grown up. Unfortunately, Steve and i hook up in the begining and then he catches feelings for me, whilst I'm into Eddie, so I have to break his poor little heart. Sometimes, I want to punch my Creator. He does not deserve this. Robins adorable though.

#TFU / SU Alternate Ending This tag is used when I'm talking about an alternate story-line or ending for either The FREAK Universe or the Superache Universe. For example, my Creator kinda wrote one where instead of us struggling through the trauma post UD, Eddie gets sent away to witness protection and we don't see eachother for years, until we do. That, and there are a few other alternative endings bubbling up in my Creators mind.

#Just Like Honey This fic, this baby, is crazy. It's an AU where all of Vecnas victims die, but there is no UD, they're in fact stone cold murders. And I've got this horrible feeling, like all the victims are dying because of me, that we're all connected. And I can't shake the feeling of a figure outside my window. Things finally settle, and I score myself an adorable boyfriend (Eddie), all until Chrissy Cunningham (the first female victim) winds up dead in Eddie's trailer and he becomes the main suspect in the case. I fight tooth and nail to clear my boyfriends name, and I get myself into plenty of trouble along the way. It's also loosely inspired by the Jesus And The Mary Chain album Psychocandy, the chapters are all named after JAMC songs.

#Living With Sammy Modern AU, Eddie and I meet in a bar after one of his gigs, and he absolutely charms my pants off, so we start going out. It's easy breasy, until I get ghosted for like, two weeks out of the blue, and then go knocking on his door to give him a piece of my mind, only to find a little boy crying on Eddie's sofa. Eddie's dropkick dad had another kid, with another woman, before they both wound up in jail, and little Samuel has no living relatives willing to take him in, other than Eddie. He's only twenty three and still living with his uncle Wayne, but he gives everything he's got to help raise Sammy, he wants to give him the life Eddie never got to have as a kid. Of course, I instantly forgive Eddie, because over those two weeks he went through legal hell to start fostering his little brother, and we decide to keep trying in our relationship. And Sammy scores his own little sweet spot in my heart, and I love getting to help Eddie raise him. Also I'm a retired child model for some reason in this. I think this originally started off as two separate AU's but then my Creator mashed them together during a dream. I had a sketchy grandpa who was a photographer, who got me into child modelling, which exploited and fucked me up. So my dad made me quit as a kid, I couldn't remember why, so after he died I let my grandpa fly me out to America to start working again, only to remember how badly I was exploited and it's happening again, so I quit, move in with my Aunt and Uncle because I don't want to go back to my mother who kept trying to push me back into it, and then that's when I find Eddie. I get back into the modeling game, but under my own rules. Sammy and Eddie are my biggest supporters.

#Royal Fantasy AU I'm a princess in a fantastical land, my mother is Queen, my father (the late King) and my little brother passed when I was sixteen, and whilst she has the kingdom fooled, I know my mother was responsible for their deaths. Sir Steven, a loveable knight, is my personal guard and has served by my side since we were thirteen, he's my most trusted confidant. Robin is my maid / attendant, and she's been in the role for even longer, she's my best friend. No matter how hard she tries to marry me off, I've no intention of giving my power hungry mother the chance to ship me off overseas and keep her reign forever. So, begrudgingly, Steve and I decide to marry as a cover, to keep me in the kingdom. As the troops begin to return from a war that has been fighting since the Kings death, a victory on our part, a revolution begins to rise. Only a handful of my fathers soldiers return, and only one from my own guard, the eleven of them treated like scum by the Queen, only giving the correct aid and food to her own soldiers, they've no loyalty to her and put their trust and faith in me. The single soldier remaining from my personal guard, whom I have not seen for six years, is Edwin, an honorable knight who's faith and loyalty to me won us the war. And in turn, he wins my heart as well. It is with him that I uncover the prophecy given to me when I was a small girl, and the revolution within the kingdom begins, calling for the death of the false Queen, and the rise of my reign, that I uncover the truth of what happened to my father and my brother. And I also have a really cool pet dragon named Stargazer.

#Eddie Falls For A Streamer In this modern AU, I'm a streamer... A streamer with an army of incels and freaks that pay me money to tell them they're stupid and gross, and show my cleavage when I'm gaming. They're nothing but my pay pigs, and they know that, and they love that. I bought a house and my dream car with their loser money, and they all know they'd never have a chance with me. And then I meet Eddie, and he's great, and I want to have him so badly, but theres the tricky thing of telling him I'm basically an OnlyFans creator except I don't get naked 99% of the time. But, hey, a job's a job, and Eddie respects that. I wan't full transparency with him, so I make an account for him to access all my streams and content, and I tell all my pay pigs that I'm seeing a guy that's a million times better than them, and he... likes it? Eddie is totally into it. And I love a guy who wants to beg for it.

#Transfem AU I'm transfem in this one! Yay! And finally, my family doesn't die. My mum, however, is super transphobic and does not accept me in the slightest, Tommy loves me blindly so he doesn't mind, and Dad... he doesn't get it at all really, but he tries, and he respects me and loves me anyway, so it's nice. However, I can't handle being around my mother like this, so I head overseas to my Aunt and Uncle for a while, because dad told them over the phone about me, and they keep checking to see if I'm okay, and if mums changed her ways yet. When I get there, I get to be Jay, not the guy I was before. I get started on estrogen straight away, and my Aunt and Uncle love and accept me for it too. It's nice getting to be myself in a place where no one knows who I was. I get my E shots from the local drug dealer, I tell him some lie about being sick and denied proper treatment in the hospital, and he shrugs it off and doesn't ask anyway. We begin to chat on our monthly meet ups, he asks me one time about the patches on my bag, and every time we meet for a deal, we talk for hours. We start becoming friends out side of our deals as well, and I like him, a lot, but I'm too scared to act on it because I don't want him to know the truth about me. I'm too scared to tell him. And then one day whilst snooping through his room for a lighter, I find vials of testosterone. He blurts out some obvious lie about being a steroid pumped gym junky, because I've got more muscles than he does, and he begins to freak out. But it's obvious then, why we've taken such a liking to each other, why we get each other better than anyone else gets us, we're one in the same. And it's nice to finally meet someone like me. And it's perfect, he's perfect, and I get to have him, no doubts about it.

#My Dream Pollycule This is supposed to be a bit of a cute fluffy romance thing, purely self indulgent of my Creator, but I don't care it's fucking awesome. I get to have so many hot people into me. Steve is my wonderful fiance, Steve and Robin are queerplatonic partners, Robin is my girlfriend, Robin has a girlfriend Chrissy, I also have a casual thing going on with Nancy, both me and Steve at the same time with her, but her partner is Jon, and Jons boyfriend is Argyle, but Argyle and Nancy are queerplatonic too. And then I meet Eddie, and he's so freakin cute, and so we hook up but he kinda gets attached, and I start to like him, but he's never been in a relationship before so I don't want to throw him into the deep end by asking him to be my boyfriend when I have several other partners as well as a fiance. But after having him around a few times, and telling Steve to be nice to him, I notice that Eddie's kinda got the hots for my boyfriend too, so I suggest we all have a little fun together , and then Eddie gets attached to Steve too. And then I bet you can't guess what happens next?!

#The Jay and Robin Are In Love Today AU A universe in which Robin and I are into eachother, any universe about us at all. Robin deserves some more recognition, and I also agree with my Creator that I deserve to kiss her more. Lots of lame queer pining between us in this one. It's mostly just blog posts that make this AU up. It follows a loose story like (regarding the beginning of us moving past best friends to lovers) and then it's just posts about our relationship in this AU

[downwithpeople]

wrath of the righteous

jesus christ that took a while

one of the most interesting things about the whole experience is seeing a lot of recurring mechanics and narrative devices which appear to be the owlcat house style. i saw a lot of rogue trader in wrath, both the good and bad. you have the same late-game act where you're forcefully transported to a surreal hellworld, and the uncomfortably flabby act following it where you are mostly doing homework for your companions.

this game was not as good as rogue trader, not by a long shot. blame it on the pathfinder 1e chassis. you're playing a dnd character to level 20 with 10 mythic levels on top of that. there's enough possibility for different builds that you can easily get lost in it. it perversely wraps around to being unfriendly to the player, because there are so many options that even choosing one of the 20-odd starting classes feels like a titanic, irrevocable decision. i found some a very comprehensive gamefaq guide and followed it to the letter. this gave me a ranger-offshoot character specialising in greataxes, eventually committing to the trickster mythic path.

narratively, the trickster is a big ol jokester with a suitably annoying beetlejuice-ass theme song. mechanically, by the time i got to act 5 every fight would start with every monster paralysed by fear, with most of them (bosses included!) choosing to kill themselves rather than face me. it was suitably mythic but the question arises - why do i still have to fight so many of these fucking trash mobs? endgame fights grew so tedious that i ended up using cheats to instantly kill all hostiles on the screen rather than fight yet another minotaur or glabrezu. the enemies that really gave me a run for my money were the ones who could cast spells and would start the fight with half a dozen powerful buffs, but i'd hesitate to call these lategame juggernauts 'fun encounter design'. rogue trader didn't have this problem nearly as bad, so i'm inclined to blame pathfinder.

story is fine. you're trying to save the world. arleelu vorlesh has some fabulous voice-acting and is given extensive characterisation behind what she's doing. i wish i found her more compelling.

coming to this game from rogue trader, the significant drop in overall companion writing quality tripped me up. most of these characters are like larian-level, capital-F Fine. the standouts were arushelae, camellia and regill, with everyone else treading water. seelah is particularly uninspired and sosiel is just a kludge of directionless character traits. he's got anger issues, he's got a gambling addiction, then when neither of those stick they just give him a long lost brother. both of these characters are pathfinder originals, and i believe sosiel also has a drug-addict sidekick in the original adventure path? very clumsy.

nenio is godawful. she's mechanically weak at the start of the game but became a crucial member of my party because she has 'wizard' written on her character sheet. everything i found annoying about her continued to be annoying throughout my 100 hour playthrough. the nadir of this is her companion quest, which is the most-involved by far and has every single bad owlcat level design impulse crammed into one questline. your reward for doing that is to find out that she is, as she appeared to be, a hollow and soulless character with nothing going for her besides her gimmick.

there's an entire RTS map-painting game bolted onto the side of this CRPG. it feels like dogshit to play. i cheated my way through it this time and i might continue to cheat through it in the future.

game constantly looks good, even though you go to one too many boxy torture dungeons. the game feels consistently clumsy and at some point in the design process they committed super hard to bringing mounts into a game engine that cannot for the life of it handle mounts. one of my core party members had a horse and this horse was the bane of my existence. it would stand in weird places in cutscenes. it would interact weird with a piece of scenery in combat then cancel my attacks. deeply frustrating animal.

i really, really, really wanted to fuck camellia but she was just a hair too evil for my first playthrough (arueshalae was an excellent compromise). i hope my lich playthrough will let us have some more quality time.

[strawberryfairi]

Synopsis✨: The story of how you catch heavy feelings for the hot photography student, Shuji Hanma…even though you already have the perfect (fake) boyfriend.

Pairings: Photography Student! Shuji Hanma X Dance Major! Black Fem 🤎 Reader (ANYONE CAN READ🧚🏾‍♀️) Content: Drama, lots of denial, angst, sneaky link, lots of cheating, mutual pining, unserious Shuji, controlling parents, forced relationships, romance, fighting, porn with a good plot vibes, intense sexual tension, etc (just find out the rest lol)

w.c: 4.4k💠 Released: Jan 5, 2024

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3; NIGHT RIDE 夜骑

A heavy silence fell between the two of you, making your palms sweaty and throat feel dry. "I...guess I should probably head back inside. I'd really rather go home though..." You mumble the last part to yourself bitterly. You really didn't wanna go back into the party with all that loud noise, and knowing Ken was somewhere in there probably not sparing you a single thought made you feel nauseous.

"Why stay then?" Hanma questions lazily, reaching in his pocket and taking out a pack of cigarettes.

"Well, I Uber'd here since my original ride bailed on me, I barely even spent time in there, and I was actually lookin' forward to the alcohol; even though it's nasty and cheap." You chuckle dryly, leaning your head against the window. "I wanna at least celebrate my accomplishment a little, you know?" You add with an exasperated sigh.

"Wanna celebrate with me instead?" He raises a brow, clicking the lighter a few times before it finally gave him a little flame, lighting up a new cancer stick.

You narrow your eyes skeptically at him. You felt you knew him well enough by now to understand he's a very flirtatious, very outspoken kind of guy, so whatever he was suggesting was definitely not innocent.

"What d'you mean?" You ask hesitantly.

"No need to look at me so suspicious, doll. Just seemed like you could use some fun." He chuckles breathily, taking a long drag.

"Fun..." You murmur, looking out at the frat house from the window. Flashing blue, white, and green lights shined from inside, and folks were jumping up and down to the music. You knew Ken was somewhere in there, having a blast with his boys and Ms. Butterfly tattoo celebrating his big accomplishment. Why does he get to live it up and you don't? Your jaw clenches, feeling that anger that prompted your meeting Hanma in the first place rise back up for a second.

"You know what? I could use some fun for real. What'chu trynna do?"

💠

The sky looks so pretty, and to think you would've never seen it had you not come out here with Hanma. You look up at the pretty, glittery  stars from the window. The sky is completely clear, and every single star is so luminous along with the nearly full moon. Tonight the pale moonlight is so bright that it's lighting up every surrounding as if it's day.

At the last point you looked at the time on your phone it was about twelve something, now...it could be any time, you had no clue. All you know is that Hanma had taken you to some random liquor store on the way to where you both currently are now. It was on the near outskirts of the city, up high and looking over the night. You two had gotten into the backseat of his car, much to your little angel on your left shoulder's dismay, talking about any and everything. Chill, vibey music played from the radio, going along perfectly with the atmosphere the night created.

"This is waaaay better than that frat party to be honest." You murmur lazily, taking another little sip from the bottle Hanma bought you. You felt so much looser around him thanks to the sweet alcohol, now you could relax and just be in the moment.

"Glad I could help." He grins, blowing smoke into the air as he wraps his arm over your shoulders. You sigh blissfully, leaning into his side with your eyes closed. The scent of him was so loud now that you were this close, that harmonious mix of cologne and cigarette smoke, it was honestly more intoxicating than the alcohol.

"If I stay like this too long I might fall asleep on you. You're surprisingly comfortable." You chuckle lightly, snuggling closer for a moment to further prove your point. Hanma let's out a short hum in response, then takes another long drag of his cigarette.

"Can't have that, can we?" He says lowly, taking your chin under his pointer finger, and making you look up at his pretty honey eyes.

"I guess not." You shrug, your voice matching his with just the slightest undertone of shyness.

He leans towards you, eyes lingering on your lips. "Got any suggestions on what we should do?"

You feel yourself fold instantly, only able to utter out a meek "Mm mm" in response.

"No? No idea?" He teases, dragging his gaze back up to your innocent looking eyes. You shake your head hesitantly, unconsciously clenching your thighs together. It felt like his eyes were reaching deep into your soul, picking you apart piece by piece. He made you feel so exposed, like prey out in short, cut grass with no place to hide. Honestly, it excited you to a shameful degree. Not even Ken has ever made you flustered so easily. A simple question Hanma asks in a particular way has you utterly falling apart at the seams.

He notices the way your legs come together tightly, a knowing look plastering onto his face. "Well I got a good idea, and it starts with you sittin' your pretty ass on my lap." He purrs, his voice dripping with lust.

You could've passed out right then and there. Shyly, you sit yourself on his lap, facing the window. Hanma laughs lightly at this, taking his time with another inhale from his cancer stick, then slowly exhales to the side. "Face me, sweetheart." He instructs. You kept your hands wrapped around the alcohol bottle, hesitantly putting your legs on either side of him. You look straight down, feeling so conflicted on the inside-well...not that conflicted, and that was exactly the problem. It was crystal clear what you wanted, it's just...

"Good girl." He coos, grabbing your chin with his free hand and making you look up at him. Your heart pounds so hard in your chest, you're sure he can hear it. Hanma takes the bottle from your hands, chugging it down and finishing the rest. Your hands clasp together, waiting for his next move. He reaches past you, placing the empty bottle in one of the cup holders up front, his other arm snaking it's way around your waist and pulling you up closer against him. Instinctually you put your hands on his shoulders.

Without a word his right hand reaches behind your neck, holding you still as he finally leans in, placing his lips on yours in a slow, intense kiss. You visibly shudder, a shockwave of electricity flowing down your spine and throughout the rest of your body, eliciting a sigh-like moan from your mouth.

"Wait wait...this isn't...a-a good idea." You mumble breathily between the kiss, attempting to pull away.

"It's not?" He asks with a faux innocent tone, and mischievous looking smirk on his face. His hand on your neck keeps you steady while he skillfully slips his tongue into your mouth.

"I-I have...a boyfriend." You finally admit, though it was more of a harsh reminder for yourself. At this he finally pulls away just slightly.

"I know you're Ryuguji's girl." He states plainly, lips brushing temptingly against yours.

Your heart sinks, eyes going wide in shock. He knows?! He knows and yet the whole time around each other he's been coming on to you like this?!

"You know? You don't care?!" You question in bewilderment. Hanma lets you go, allowing you to shift back and put more space between the two of you.

"I knew he had a girl, just didn't know it was you until after the game. But it seems like you don't really care that much either." He shrugs, taking one last drag from the cigarette he still had then put it out on the ashtray he had sat next to him earlier.

"I do care! I-..I care..." You repeat with a frown, brows furrowed deeply. It's the first time you've really thought about Ken this whole time since you left that party.

"Are you tellin' me or tellin' yourself that?" He asks with a raised brow.

You wanna be mad at him, annoyed, anything, yet you know you'd just be a hypocrite. How could you be mad at Hanma yet feel sorry for yourself? You're the one that let him-let this-happen.

"Babe, babe, I apologized already. What else do you want me to do? I didn't know she was gonna kiss me!"

"How 'bout not put yourself in a position to even have something like that happen! This don't even make no sense, Ken! You just straight up let her kiss you, like, I watched you hesitate! Had I not come over here would you have even stopped?!"

Those were your words, your exact words that you yelled to Ken just some hours ago. You were already a hypocrite; already a fool. You even had the audacity to cry and storm off, you made a whole scene in front of people, and here you are hours later with butterflies in your stomach and wetter than a waterfall for a guy you just met. Uuuugghhhhhh! Conflicted isn't even the word...

Ken has never been particularly terrible to you. The two of you know your relationship came about in..not the most genuine or natural of ways, but you both made it work; you learned to love each other. He's sweet to you, you respect him, it's always been that way. But tonight, for some reason, that thing that you've always been missing, you can't ignore it.

There's no excitement, there's no...spontaneity or adventure with Ken. Everything is the same, everything's plain. You've tried to talk to him about it, ask him for something more or different, but he says it's just not his way. Ken likes stability and sameness, you've always loved newness, feeling stuck in a box or a loop that you can't escape when things are always the same. Hanma though, he gave you that excitement from the get go, without you even having to ask or hint at it. Sure you only just met him, but the way he makes you feel-gosh...Ken's never been able to pull this off in the entire two years and eight months of dating each other.

Then suddenly, Hanma rips you out of your turbulent thoughts, placing his hand underneath your jaw and lifting your head up with his thumb. "Tell me what you want. If you wanna stop...we can stop." He murmurs softly.

Oh no, not another crossroads of decisions! This wasn't really the night for good decision making, especially not now with this mix of cigarette smoke and alcohol. Your eyes immediately shift to the side, already knowing your resolve would be out the window if you looked at him and those alluring eyes for even a second.

"It's not about what I want." You shake your head, wrapping your small hand around his wrist.

"It's exactly about what you want." He says almost like whisper, leaning in slowly towards your lips once again. You squeeze your eyes closed, brushing your lips against his, breathing heavier with each passing second. If you kissed him now, there's no one around to see you two...nobody would find out.

"Tell me what you want, angel." He commands, a slight urgency in his voice. He's becoming impatient.

You bite your tongue briefly, then clutch a fistful of his shirt by his shoulder, pressing your lips against his in a needy kiss. Instantly he wraps his arms around you, pulling you against him as close as possible. Your hands rest on his shoulders, then slide up to cup his face. This kiss was much more intense then the first, much more needy. As soon as your lips met, your fake boyfriend was once again long gone from your mind...and you loved it.

His hands grab your hips, guiding you back and forth slowly against his hardening erection in his pants. Shameful excitement coursed all through your veins, moaning into his mouth as your tongues hungrily danced with each other. Even though this was so wrong no matter which way you looked at it, it felt absolutely right; perfect.

His fingers dip into your sweatpants, tugging on them slightly. Pulling away from the kiss, he helps you take your sweatpants off, lazily throwing them in the passenger seat up front. "Lowkey, this is gonna take a while. I still have my costume on." You chuckle, gesturing towards yourself. From your skintight body suit to your tights underneath, you had the entire fit on. He helps you take it off anyways, slipping you out of the bodysuit and just ripping a large hole in your tights right in the crotch area.

You let out a noise of shock, staring at him dumbfounded with your jaw hanging open. "You're a dancer, I know this isn't your only pair." He chuckles, running his fingers around the rip he created. "You're lucky I have more..." You narrow your eyes halfheartedly. He pulls you back into another heated kiss, reaching through the hole of your tights and swiftly shifting your panties to the side. Your heart skips a beat, gasping against his lips as you feel fingers graze against your wet folds.

"Damn, you're soaking wet, pretty girl. All that talk about "I can't" yet your pussy's begging for me like this..." He purrs lowly, his honey brown eyes intently watching as his fingers run back and forth, coating them in your syrupy slick.

You whimper, turning your head to the side in embarrassment while placing your hands on his shoulders. His free hand instantly grabs your jaw, turning you back to face him. "Wanna ride my fingers, angel?" He asks in that addictively sultry tone, lightly massaging small circles around your clit with his thumb.

"Mhm." You nod, your mind going fuzzy with bliss.

"I want words." He demands, abruptly pulling his hand away. You're eyes widen, a pained look on your face at the feeling of his fingers no longer there. "Yes, yes!" You answer frantically, your hips desperately searching for his fingers. "Yes what?" He asks smugly, just slightly brushing his fingers over your needy clit.

"I-I wanna..", You hesitate, the embarrassment getting to you a little, "I wanna..ride your fingers." You finish, biting your lip as you force yourself to look into his intoxicating eyes. "Please." You add breathily, gripping onto his shirt.

"There it is." He says with a satisfied grin on his face, slipping his middle finger inside as deep as he could. You gasp, tightening your grip on his shirt as you take in the stretch his finger gave you. He pulls out slowly then eases back inside, watching the faces you make. You bite your lip, uselessly trying to keep your moans quiet, moving your hips just slightly. He adds another finger, his ring finger, stretching you out further.

"Ohhh!" Your mouth falls open, unconsciously grabbing onto his wrist as you start to bounce up and down on his fingers and setting your own pace. Your slick coats his fingers in a sensual sheen, dripping slowly down to his wrist. "Feel good, baby?" He asks seductively, leaning in to kiss and suck along your jawline and neck.

"Uh huh." You moan, breaths quickly becoming pants as you bounce faster. "Gimme words." He demands sternly, making your walls clench around his fingers. "'S so good!" You whine. Your legs start to tremble, making it harder to keep your pace steady. The sounds your pussy was making, that loud squelching against his fingers, was driving you crazy. You crashed your lips against his, sloppily kissing him as your hips helped you bounce faster.

He responds so fast, matching your pace as he curls his fingers, hitting somewhere so deep your eyes rolled back. Your hips stutter, breaking from the kiss as you throw your head back while your legs shake harder. "Fuuuuck! Oh my god!" You cry, digging your nails into his wrist. "Right here?" He murmurs, curving his fingers and hitting that same, sweet spot once again. Stuttered whimpers and whines was all you could respond with, your mind had completely shut down. Desperately you try to bounce with his strokes, but the tightening sensation building up in your core is too overwhelming.

Hanma places his hand on the back of your neck, forcing you to look at him, his eyes ablaze with lust. "You look so pretty all fucked out already. You wanna cum?"

You fall forward, leaning your head on his shoulder. Making eye contact with him was just too dangerous right now, one look and you were seconds from an orgasm. "Yes yeees, uuugh!" You moan loudly, wrapping your arms around his neck. He adds a third finger, easily sliding it inside with the rest. Your hips raise in the air, attempting to get away, yet Hanma's hand follows you. "Don't run from it, angel." He coos, stroking your trembling thigh. You've never had three fingers before, especially not three fingers his size. You really didn't know what feeling full was until now, the feeling quite literally breathtaking. He picks the pace up, the sounds of your panting and moaning mixing harmoniously with the lewd noises your pussy makes. His fingers keep that same pace, same angle, with every stroke.

"Ah! Aah! I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum-oh my god!" You cry out frantically, tears prickling at your eyes. "Lemme see your face. Wanna watch you cum all over my fingers." He says lowly. You shakily lift yourself up, placing both your hands on his shoulders and digging your nails into them as you finally reach that high, cumming on his fingers. "There you go, baby." He coos sweetly. Your legs kept shaking violently, eyes rolling back as he helped work you through your orgasm. It felt like he'd brought you up to the moon and back, pulling you apart then placing you back together. It took you a second for your body to relax, slowly sinking back down into his lap, only twitching here and there.

His fingers slip out of you with a little popping sound, then licks each one, tasting you as he looks you right in the eyes. You felt your pussy clench desperately around nothing at the sight. "I want you." You murmur softly, leaning over and giving him needy licks and kisses on his neck. A deep, sultry moan leaves his lips, his large hands gripping your plush hips tightly. "Yeah? Wanna fuck me, pretty doll?" He asks sensually, moving you back and forth and slightly bringing his hips up into you with each movement. You both moan together at the sweet friction, your head absolutely spinning. He feels so big. "Mhmm, so bad." You answer blissfully, lightly sucking his neck between kisses.

Then suddenly, horrifically, your phone rings from somewhere in the passenger seat up front. You blink a few times, feeling like you just got ripped right out of an amazing dream. The ringer was on so you could hear it loud and clear, like it was yelling at you. At first, you had the thought to ignore it, but something deep down was stopping you. "Wait. Hang on a second." You sigh annoyedly, pulling away from Hanma and going to reach over up front for your phone.

Incoming Call: Big K💖

"Oh shit!" You whisper to yourself, eyes widening anxiously as you scramble to answer the phone. You quickly clear your throat, trying to compose yourself.

"Hey." You say calmly.

"Hey, where are you? I came to find you at the party but you weren't there, then I just came over to your room but you didn't answer the door." Ken says tiredly.

Your heart sinks in your chest. He's already back from the party?! "Oh, that's 'cause I just-..I'm just out walking around right now."

"At two a.m.? What the hell are you doing?" He sounds genuinely annoyed now.

"Yeah, at two a.m.; I've done that before." You reply, your tone just a little bit snappy.

"Can you just...get your ass back here? I wanted to talk to you about earlier." He says in a more calm tone.

What's there to talk about? You think to yourself.

"Ok, but it's late. We should just talk tomorrow. I'll let you know when I'm back in my room." You sigh exasperatedly, facepalming.

"...Yeah, that makes sense. I'll talk to you tomorrow; love you. Let me know when you're back." He mutters disappointedly.

"Love you too." You mumble lazily before hanging up.

All of a sudden the atmosphere felt so heavy, you couldn't even bare to turn around and look at Hanma, or really, look at what you've just done with Hanma.

"Was that your boyfriend?" He asks plainly, though there was a slight sour undertone in his voice at the word boyfriend.

"Yeah. I...should go." You start, finally looking back at him with a highly conflicted expression. "Could you take me home? Please?"

💠

The silence is so loud. It's heavy and suffocating, like losing the last bit of air you have left while underwater. You know Hanma's watching you, looking over at you every chance he can get while he drives back to campus. You also know that he knows you see him, just waiting for you to finally acknowledge it.

"I shouldn't have done that. We really shouldn't have done that." You finally break the silence, glancing over at him anxiously.

"Maybe not." He shrugs plainly, pausing for a moment. "Did you like it?"

You inwardly facepalm at his question. Of course you liked it, loved it even, but that's besides the point!

"Yeah..." You murmur weakly, a heavily torn expression on your face. Hanma nods, keeping his on the road with a satisfied grin on his face.

I'm terrible... You think to yourself.

"We should-..we should forget about it, right? Then..it'll be like it never happened." You nod anxiously, trying to think of any way to make this better.

A short, breathy chuckle leaves his lips. "And how do you go about forgetting something like this? Let me guess, not thinking about it?" He asks in such a teasing way, it was not helping at all.

"Exactly! Not thinking about it! Just...lock it away somewhere until it's forgotten about. People do that all the time." You say with a bit of attitude.

'Cause clearly thinking isn't really my bag right now...

Hanma lets out a dry, short chuckle. "Hate to spoil it for you, but that won't work. You know it won't." He says plainly, glancing over at you.

"It will. It will 'cause it has to." You grit out.

"You're really not thinkin' this one through, huh doll? You wanted to fuck me, and you would've had your boyfriend not called. You really think you're not gonna wanna finish what we started?" His tone is surprisingly serious as he looks over at you.

A frustrated huff leaves your lips, you couldn't think of a good response yet. You knew full well he was right, and it bothered you so badly. You were already aching to finish it, to finish on him, but you were using every bit of your willpower not to think about it. "You can't just run away from that by 'not thinking about it-

"I know, but I have to! I don't have any other options." You say frantically, leaning your head on the window. Hanma shakes his head clicking his tongue, not bothering to go back and forth about it anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You got back to campus in about twenty more minutes. Hanma pulled up just down the block from your building per you request. With a tired sigh you get out of the car, turning and facing the window.

"I'll still help you with your photography project. If you want me to." You mumble.

"Y'sure you wanna do that? Might not be the best idea with your whole "forget about it" thing." He says with a slight taunt in his voice.

"I'm sure, 'cause what happened tonight was just a one time thing, so there's no reason to be nervous about anything else happening if or whenever I see you again." Your tone is purely serious, looking at him with the most sincere look you could muster.

He nods his head slowly. "Whatever you say, angel."

Your eyes close, trying desperately to ignore the way your heart fluttered when he called you angel. "Could you also please not tell anyone? This has to stay between us, like deadass, it has to." You plead.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone." He assures, though it didn't really do much to help how you felt.

"Good. This is the last time we speak of this, alright?" You say sternly, almost like a parent to their child.

"Damn, I see why you're the captain of the dance team now, Ms. Bossy." He teases.

"I'm serious! This is really import-

"I got it, I got it! I'm "forgetting" about you cumming all over my fingers as we speak." He chuckles in amusement, not being serious in the slightest.

You facepalm for probably the thousandth time tonight. Of course you had to cheat on Ken with the most unserious dude in the entire school. "Alright. Well, I'll see you later or..whatever." You huff, already making your way away from his car.

A/N🧚🏾‍♀️: Wheeeew chile...😩 that's all imma say on the matter. Chapter 4 coming soon.

P.S. Oool Shuji is so fine!! Got me giggling n kickin' my damn feet🤗

[stelluretarot]

Lady Sonnelion Cheat Sheet

Please note that as a lesser known Demoness, there is not many sources mentioning her aside from recent pop culture media. Most of the information are known as SPG or UPG. Take with a grain of salt.

Contents

>>> Overview

>>> Associations

>>> Lessons

Overview

☽ : Richard Dukante Heirarchy (1963), 2nd Family, Demoness of Hate

☽ : Enn; Aye Serpente Sonnillion

☽ : Titles; None. Use Lady or Demoness.

☽ : Demonic Description; Tempt men into ennui, withdraw them from prayers and tempt men into hatred against their enemies.

☽ : Warnings; Expect a burning feeling, tread with caution.

Associations

⊹ : Offices; Hatred, ennui, discord, conflict, revenge

⊹ : Symbols; Violent imagery, war, weapons.

⊹ : Offerings; Violent imagery, dragons blood, knives/daggers, carnelians, apples, weapons, towers burning, violent songs, (UPG, she seems to like ashnikko), spicy food, alcohol, going for debate, justice work.

⊹ : Colours; Black, red, maroon, purple

⊹ : Animals; Snakes, large cats

⊹ : Elements; Wood, Fire

⊹ : Metals; Rhodonite, Carnelian

⊹ : Numbers; 9, 5, 4

⊹ : Times; Evening, night

⊹ : Tarot Cards; Tower, Nine of Wands, Chariot (both upright and reversed), The Devil, Death, Queen of Swords, Queen of Wands Reversed, Queen of Cups Reversed

Lessons

★ : Following One's Heart and Desires;

from experience, Sonnelion taught us to be more expressive in regards of my anger and not hold back.

★ : Reinforcing Boundaries;

Sonnelion helps a lot with ensuring you enforce boundaries best for yourself and stick by them.

★ : Baneful Work;

From experience, she often helps with baneful magic and encourages more violent outcomes for each baneful work done with her guidance.

written by 4varice. on discord

[ashleigghh]

Day 3: Snow- Regulus and Sirius

“Reggie, wake up.” Regulus groans into his pillow, waving an arm out to push his brother's face away. Sirius isn’t deterred and shakes Regulus’ shoulder gently until he blinks his eyes open, rubbing the sleep out of them before his gaze sharpens and he glares at Sirius.

“You better have a good reason for this.” Regulus shifts around on his bed, pulling the duvet back to let Sirius crawl in next to him, sharing the warmth. Sirius climbs up from where he is sitting cross-legged on the floor and lets Regulus drop his head onto his shoulder, dropping the duvet across his legs.

“Well, it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!” He nudges his brother slightly, wrapping an arm around him in a slightly awkward side hug.

“It’ll still be my birthday in 5 hours.” Regulus deadpans, his eyes already drooping as he rests on Sirius’ shoulder.

“Well, yes, but it might not be snowing in 5 hours,” Sirius whispers, laughing quietly as Regulus shoots up and rushes towards his window, pulling the curtains wide open.  

“It’s snowing! On my birthday!” Regulus presses his face so close to the glass his breath fogs it and his nose is squashed, peering out at the falling snow with wide eyes. 

There isn’t much snow, only 1 or 2 centimetres has settled, but it flurries down in a promise of a thick coating. In the morning there will probably be enough for a snowball fight, or maybe even a snowman, but their parents will never let them go out and act like children so they have to try and enjoy it in the night. 

“Come on, let’s go down there.” Sirius opens Regulus’ wardrobe and searches for his winter gear. Regulus moves past him, pulling out thick gloves and a hat before leading them across the hallway to Sirius’ room, tiptoeing to avoid any noise. 

“We’re going to get caught.” Regulus leans against the bed while Sirius gets ready to go out into the garden.

“Maybe, but it’ll be worth it.”

They sneak down all three sets of stairs, avoiding the creaks and holding their breath as they make their way to the back door. Kreacher always keeps a spare key hidden in a cupboard, one that their mother would’ve never gone in which Sirius takes in one hand, grabbing his boots in the other. 

Regulus steps out first, flakes catching in his hair instantly, white contrasting the black curls. He looks up and sticks his tongue out to try and catch some snow on it. It’s innocent, and so childlike it’s bittersweet, it’s wonderful and this is how it should be, but it’s so rare for them to be able to have moments like these. 

“Come on, race you to the pond!” Sirius darts off, ignoring Regulus' protests that he’s cheated as he chases after him. The pond sits at the far end of the garden and normally spends the winter months completely frozen over. There’s an intricately carved bench out there that they normally hide out that Sirius grabs on too, whisper-shouting that he wins. 

“That’s not fair, you ran off before I knew we were racing.” Regulus whines, pushing his shoulder and pouting. Sirius tilts his head up, closing his eyes and feeling the snow fall onto his face. 

Suddenly, he jumps up, yelping as a clump of snow falls down the back of his shirt. He turns to Regulus who just looks at him with a wide smile, his anger dissipating instantly, 

“Happy birthday Reggie.”

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