#Another year another great Gwynriel Weeks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sadiegirl2021 · 6 months

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Last day of @gwynrielweeksofficial!! Thank you for the excellent prompts and organising such a great event. It was such an amazing two weeks. So excited to read the fics I've missed and stare lovingly at all the new fan art!

So, since it's a free day, I thought I'd write a trope that I don't see much with Gwynriel - Accidental Pregnancy!

I've only written two chapters so far, and they're up on Ao3. (I don't know why, but I'm super nervous about sharing this one! Is the pregnancy trope controversial? It's a fun, fluffy, light-hearted journey! I promise.)

Unintended Consquences - Sneak Peak

It was the Valkyries' first Solstice at the River House, and Gwyn was impressed by the effort put into making it a magical spectacle. Of course, with it being the High Lady's birthday as well, nothing less was expected. Rhys fawned over Feyre, showering her with gifts and affection. Gwyn had never been celebrated like that on her birthday.

There was love, of course, but rarely gifts, so she didn't feel like she was missing out there. The priestesses didn't believe in them, opting for a life free from attachments to material possessions. That's why she never wore the necklace she received from 'a friend'. She felt no connection to it. The only items that held meaning for her were her friendship bracelet and a few books.

Affection, though. She missed that… a lot.

While growing up, receiving it from her mother, sister, and other priestesses was enough, but now there was a different desire, a strange new need— which had been growing for some time now.

She wanted someone excited to spend time with her and celebrate her. Someone to share her body and soul with. She was ready for it. And the countless smutty romances she read didn't help. She was wound up like a spring, eager for release. She needed to get out more, meet some males… maybe find love.

Nesta had suggested the pleasure halls, but alcohol and establishing boundaries didn't seem to mix. She needed a male who understood her need to be in control if they had sex, at least for the first time. She'd rather meet new people in sober environments, like a café or gallery. Maybe that would be her New Year's resolution: to put herself out there.

She nodded affirmatively to herself and knocked back the champagne she'd been cradling for too long. Once she emptied her glass, she went to grab another.

Half paying attention, her fingers brushed against the cool, rough ridges of a hand she knew well.

"Sorry, shadowsinger. After you," she said, retracting her hand from the same glass he was reaching for.

He didn't say anything, just picked it up and handed it to her before grabbing another one for himself. She nodded a thanks as he downed his and went for another.

"Bad night?" she quipped, observing as he effortlessly drank glass after glass of Rhysand’s finest champagne.

"About to be," he answered flatly before turning his attention toward the centre of the room where most of his family were situated, just finishing up the present portion of the evening.

Gwyn had received some thoughtful and practical gifts she would use: exotic spices from Emerie, romance books from Nesta and Cassian, and a reading faelight from Azriel, the same one he had given Nesta that Emerie and herself often tried to steal.

She didn’t have enough money herself to buy anything, so she had sung as a gift before dinner.

It seemed like something everyone enjoyed immensely, including Azriel's shadows, which danced around her during each tune. Feyre had cried, grabbing her for a tight hug when she finished. Rhysand had insisted it became a tradition and joked that Azriel would join her next year. She flushed slightly at the thought, remembering back to the previous Solstice when she’d asked him about his singing abilities. She thought it would be nice to have a duet partner for future events and made a mental note to tease him into submission for next year.

Someone clinked their glass lightly to grab everyone's attention.

"This will be quick. I promise," Elain said in her airy voice. "As you know, my mate has been very patient with me, allowing me the time to get to know him as my dearest friend before becoming my greatest love…"

Lucien grabbed her left hand, kissing the engagement ring he had placed there only a few weeks ago.

Elain turned to Lucien, gazing adoringly at him. "My love. Starting a new tradition, I actually got you a gift this year!"

A couple of people laughed, but she had no idea why that was funny.

Elain let go of his hand to reach for a small square slice of Feyre's birthday cake and stood before Lucien with her offering.

"My handsome mate, please accept this food as a token that I wish to accept our bond."

Lucien looked like he was going to cry, grabbing the sides of Elain's face to place a passionate kiss on her lips before stepping back to look at the cake in her hand.

"Right here?" he quipped, and another burst of laughter, especially from Cassian, rang through the room.

Gwyn guessed he had the mating frenzy on his mind.

Elain laughed. "Just eat the cake, Lucien!"

He chuckled and opened his mouth so she could feed him. All their family and friends cheered, offering the mates their congratulations… except for Azriel.

"What’s the matter, shadowsinger? Do you have an aversion to love?"

He snickered, taking a healthy sip of champagne before answering. "Just hard being surrounded by it."

She could certainly agree with that. Nesta and Cassian were not discreet with their affections, and Emerie and Mor were like horny teenagers since they started dating. Training was literally foreplay for the couples. And she wasn’t afraid to admit she was jealous.

Some of the other priestesses had started to date too, which irked her a little more. She was the first priestess to sign up for training, she was the first one to become a Valkyrie, and now others were going to surpass her in allowing males back into their world. That would end in the new year. Love, and sex, had to be waiting for her; she just had to go find it.

"At least we have each other to keep company," Gwyn quipped, raising her glass toward him. He chuckled, taking another sip. With centuries of tolerance under his belt, he was already multiple glasses ahead of her, while she felt a pleasant buzz after just one and a half.

He smirked in response. "Don't go falling in love, and you can stay my friend!"

"Friendship with conditions, how appealing!" Gwyn laughed, enjoying their banter as always. There was something about Azriel that brought out a playful side of her that few others ever saw.

"Seriously, Berdara. My shadows know a lot of secrets, including yours!" he teased, squinting at her with mock suspicion.

Gwyn feigned surprise. Of course, a spymaster would hoard secrets like treasure. "Enlighten me," she retorted with a grin.

"You're looking for ‘special’ someone," he whispered, leaning a little closer than usual, perhaps courtesy of the alcohol. Despite herself, she felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. She wondered how they’d figured it out. Maybe they could read minds!

"Tell them they're busybodies!" she exclaimed, shooting a stern look at the shadows lurking from behind his wings.

They dispersed in a flurry of movement as he replied with a smirk, "They already know that."

She chuckled, the sound low and teasing. "So, what if I am! You can’t expect me to be alone forever. And I'll never meet anyone hiding in the library."

Azriel's dark eyes sparkled with mischief. "You met me."

A slow, suggestive grin curled her lips. "True. But I want to meet someone who I can… train in other areas with!"

His smirk deepened, a playful glint in his eyes. "I hear I'm a good teacher."

A rush of heat flooded her cheeks, and she leaned in closer, her voice dropping to a husky whisper. "Are you propositioning me?"

His responding chuckle sent shivers down her spine. "Depends on your answer."

#gwynriel #pro gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #ao3 fanfic #acotar fanfiction #azriel shadowsinger #gwynriel weeks 2024 #gwynrielweeks2024 #prompt: free day #thanks for all the likes comments and reblogs over the last two weeks xox

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starfall-spirit · 2 months

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20 questions for writers

Thank you for the tag @tunaababee and @whatishowedyouinthedark!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

63 (and another in my drafts for omegaverse free day)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

237,274

3. What fandoms do you write for?

ACOTAR and Fourth Wing mostly, but I'm looking to get more works posted for ToG and Assistant to the Villain (esp with book 2 in hand). Once upon a time I was a Miraculous LB girl too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Dragons Know Best (Riorgail)

Your Claim on My Heart (Riorgail)

Our Own Little Show (Violiaden)

So This is What Heaven Feels Like (Feysand)

High Lord, Cold and Cruel(Feysand)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Definitely. A single comment can be enough to turn a shitty day or even week on its head and I want my readers to know how much they mean to me. I also just love discussing my work with people who genuinely care about it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not an angst writer and I haven't looked at this one in a couple of years but my miraculous oneshot Agony has MCD. So does The Night the Stars Fell on Velaris, even if it turns out to just be a nightmare in the end.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Last year for Feysand Week I wrote All's Fair in Love & Paint Wars which is pure HEA tooth-rotting fluff and smut.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't thankfully. There have been a few snotty people who claim i should use a beta or whatever, but I have been very lucky to avoid major hate and entitlement to updates. Part of it is probably that I'm not as popular as other writers in the fandom and I keep my Ao3 locked. People don't like to be a bitch when their name is there for all to see.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh yes. Both fluffy and dark.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I don't, unless you count combining characters from the SJM universe. In that case I have a worldwalking next gen fic and a modern au for Feysand x Ruhn.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I'm not opposed to the idea.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! You guys should check out the ACOTAR Writing Circle. I participated in the 3rd circle. There's another thing I'm working on with a friend, hopefully for Feysand Week, but we'll see.

14. What is your all-time favorite ship?

Feysand, the Rowaelin. After that, probably the rareships Feyre x Eris x Rhys and Violiaden.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof. Um, I've really been struggling to find motivation for Remember me? (Feysand x Ruhn) I started it when I saw an ask @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship asked, but I'm very much a pantser and didn't do anything more than write one crappy chapter before hitting post.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Banter, I think. It's so much fun to write and since I'm lacking in most other components I let it lead my fics. I've had several people tell me I write great dirty talk, but idk. I just make mean men say 'good girl" repeatedly, so...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing anything. My fics are too dialogue heavy and I'm well aware of it, but I've yet to improve my writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm great when it comes to learning sign, but I've never managed to hold onto spoken languages beyond English. I'm not brave enough to trust google translate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My Percy Jackson and Harry Potter was never published, so probably ACOTAR.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Burning in the Starlight/How Can I Loathe and Crave You? as well as Precious Collateral. Also super excited about my submission for this Saturday.

They're more about the vibes than making a fic that's actually worth reading and there's something so refreshing about just writing for yourself and like, three dark romance/poly fic girlies who hype you up. I'm in my happy little dark!rhys bubble and will be staying here a long while, thank you.

Tagging: @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship // @panicatthenightcourt // @writtenonreceipts // @thelovelymadone

#fanfiction #acotar #writing

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ofduskanddreams · 1 year

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🧙‍♂️🪄✨✨✨ You’ve been visited by the Wip Wizard! If you feel comfortable, gush a little about the three wips you’re most excited to work on! Then send this to another inbox to keep the magic going!

Oh boy. Y’all know I live with the daily struggle of too many ideas, not enough time. This is the second WiP wizard visit I’ve received but I haven’t had a chance to answer that yet either so, here’s the deal.

First, I’ll discuss three WiPs that have already been published to some extent and then I’ll explain three other ideas, published and unpublished. If a fic is published, there will be a link in the title.

✦ Fics that I hope to finish within the year ✦

1. 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐰𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧.

(Azriel is the MC, the fic is poly.) This is my CC crossover omegaverse fic. I binge wrote the first 40k words in like 3 weeks and then started posting only life got too hectic and I hit a creative block. Getting back to it is first on my to-do list once I finish this drabble series. It’s currently 7 chapters and will likely end at 12ish. I love this fic because it’s a great time getting to explore Azriel’s relationships with his pack and a not-so-typical take on A/B/O dynamics.

2. 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐑𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐬.

(Azris) This is a modern/hockey AU. It’s legendary player Eris approaching the end of his career and up and coming star Azriel. They become rivals Az’s rookie year… only Azriel gets traded to Eris’s team his second season in the league. I call this fic “grumpy x grumpier” and it’s true—that’s also why I love it SO MUCH. And this story contains Eris with chronic pain, like me lol, so it’s very close to my heart in that sense as well.

3. 𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲.

(Gwynriel) Modern AU. Professor Gwyneth Berdara and former FBI analyst, now private sector exec, Azriel Cantor. For a while I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to finish this one because some things happened that turned me off of Gwynriel for a while, but I’m happy to say that the ship is starting to feel safe for me again and this fic will be returning in the early winter :) the vibes in this fic might be my favorite thing, it’s very dark academia 🖤

✦ Other WiPs ✦

1. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞.

(Elucien) A marriage of convenience Regency AU that I wrote the prologue for last July. I literally never stop thinking about this one lmao. Regency Elucien is just one of my absolute favorite things.

2. 𝐍𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐒𝐤𝐲, 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞

Part 1 of this fic is already published and, similarly to the previous one, it’s basically a prologue to a greater story. This fic is going to be a behemoth you guys, it’s pre-canon and I have so many things I want to do, so many plot points that are going to weave the most delicious and dramatic tapestry. For that reason it’s also very intimidating and I’m not currently in a place to tackle that kind of project so it will marinate in my head for the time being.

3. 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐁𝐨𝐲

(Azris) This is Head Boy and Slytherin Eris x Ravenclaw prefect Azriel. This idea has been living in my skull like a little demon for an entire year and I hope to exorcise it before 2023 is over, maybe for a certain character’s week but life is too bust to say with any certainty.

#my wips #my asks #azris fanfiction #gwynriel fanfiction #elucien fanfiction #acotar fanfiction #crescent city fanfic

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nikethestatue · 2 years

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Hello! I'm new here and I'm not sure if I'll be active. I just went here to ask something. I felt like I'm reading the whole series wrong or I missed something but I am sure of what I read. After finishing acosf, I was sure Elain will have the next book. I have a hint that her story will contain breaking of a mating bond, a choice, and her seer power and another unknown. I was excited how she and Az would face Koschei but at the same time I think Vassa will be the one to kill him. That was my whole thought. And truth be told, I am excited for Elain and Azriel. I went to fb and tiktok and also started looking for fanarts. Now, I appreciate crackships, but I was still surprised to see Gwyn and Azriel. I thought I missed something, and someone told me to read the extra chapter,but it only confirmed Elain and Azriel for me? And tho I think the scene with Gwyn and Az are there, it only reminds me of Cassian and Emerie. Nothing more. Someone also told me to read their theories, I did because I was so confused. How did it happen that a crackship, which is okay, became like a "true" ship?

I read Gwyn's heritage theory, her mating bond with Azriel, Elain's pliant bone, light and dark, and everything but I noticed one thing. Gwyn's a side character that was given too much importance by the fandom. It's okay but most of who she is is not who the fandom paint her to be. It didn't make any sense for me but I still tried to understand it since they said sjm confirmed Gwynriel. As far as I know, Gwyn was written to be Nesta's friend, her story was already told, and she somehow have this power I can't point yet but not really important for the whole acotar series plot? But somehow the whole acotar world revolve around her.

And it saddened me to see Elain haters. Like everywhere. They want her to be evil or get killed or raped or something. It kinda disappoint me that they see her as a boring one who do nothing. She's not my favorite, she's not even in my top five favorite but I think she's getting this massive kind of hate because Azriel has feelings for her while she's mated with Lucien. This is supposed to be an interesting plot but the fandom thinks it is too ugly. I also noticed the way everyone hated Azriel "lusting" over Elain, which I disagree since we see how he cares for her from Acomaf to acosf and the extra chapter just proved their feelings are mutual. They paint Az as someone who barely controls himself and would fuck Elain anytime he want, which is not true, but still ships him with Gwyn who is not ready to be with a man in the books? And don't get me wrong, but I thought Gwyn is a like a teenager or a child?

I think acotar fandom are so obsessed with the ships that they will ignore everything and ship Azriel with the first person who breathes the same air as him except Elain. I am more baffled to see Tamlin fans and shipping him with Elain, because, isn't he abusive? And I see people comparing Rhys and Tamlin. Haha I am still new but I am over acotar fandom already. I don't think I will last long here. I'm sorry to say but acotar fandom by far is one of the most toxic I've seen again after so many years. The series is good, not great but good, and the fans are too misogynistic and hateful and pro abusers. I've been told by a friend the fandom wasn't like this before Acosf but I guess I'm too unlucky not to witness it.

I reached to you because I saw you got reblogged by one of Gwynriel and I'm still like one week new in acotar fandom but honestly I am so relieved to see your blog. And also other Elriels. It felt like I wasn't alone and people see Elain's true capabilities and choices. I read the series correctly. So sorry for the long rant. Thank you!

Oh Anon,

I totally understand everything you've said. And I get it. Nothing you've said is incorrect and no, you DO read the books 'correctly'!!

You are clear and concise, but people in this fandom are so lost, so utterly confused, can't tell the difference between fanart/canon/and headcanons. There is no critical thinking--just nonsense from TikTok or Reddit. Like the other day, there was a huge post on Reddit 'proving' that Elain and Tamlin will end up together. And like--just 3 weeks ago, the author herself yet AGAIN said that Tamlin is an abuser. So how can you reason with people like that? There isn't a way to argue or have a logical conversation.

Canon's been lost a long, long time ago in a sea of (non)'theories', loud TikTokers and artists who add fuel to the fire to keep interest on them.

At the end of the day, nothing surprising or unexpected will happen. Elain and Azriel will be the couple. Elain will get her book. There will be bond related issues that they'll have to overcome. Lucien will end up with Vassa. And Gwyn will remain a character in the background for the duration of the series.

That's all there is to it. SJM will write an Elain book, just like she planned for years, and Elain will end up with Azriel.

And no one will care, in the end. Some will seethe and be all mad, but then it will pass and no one will remember the Gwynriel / Elriel shipwars.

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secretlynestaarcheron · 2 years

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Velaris University: Pitch it to Me

Cassian x Nesta love story

faint: Feysand and Gwynriel

A/N would you guys perfer multiple mini stories in this universe with each couple or all the couples intertwined into one major story?

Cassian

Cassian blinks up at the sun as he faintly listens to Rhysand yelling from his spot between second and third base. “Cassian, are you listening?” Rhysand yells, turning his attention towards where Cassian stood on the mound.

“Unfortunately,” Cassian mutters before turning to his captain and friend. “We’ve been out here for three hours, practicing until we've died from exhaustion is not going to help us win against Spring court next week.”

A dark shadow passes over Rhysand gaze at the mention of Spring Court. “I am not letting Tamlin win,” Rhysand retorts before turning towards everyone. “Which means everyone needs to get their head in the games starting now.”

Rhysand jogs back to his spot and nods at Cassian to begin pitching again. As Cassian turns he catches Azriel's eye. Who shrugged and shook his head, Rhysand was normally extremely level headed except for when it came to Spring Court, especially since his summer “fling” started seriously dating Tamlin a few weeks ago. It was better to not fight him when he got like this.

Azriel held up three fingers as a sophomore walked up to the plate, bat in hand. Cassian gave a curt nod before throwing the ball. It landed perfectly in Azriel's glove leaving the sophore, who didn’t even swing, dumbfounded.

Cassian made a show of turning to Rhysand. “Is that more to your liking, Rhys?” he questions.

Rhysand cracked a smile. “Keep the attitude in check, Monte. Or else I am making everyone do laps,” he calls out. Cassian rolls his eye and turns back to the plate where he continues pitching for another hour. Finally as the sun begins to set Rhysand calls them in for a group huddle.

Azriel positions himself next to Cassian. “How's the shoulder?” he asks as Rhysand begins discussing the plan for the next week until they went up against Spring Court in a preseason scrimmage. If they kept up this grueling practice schedule, Cassian wasn’t even sure if he would have a shoulder to play with.

“Aches,” Cassian retorts, “I’ll grab some ice before I head home.”

Azriel nods, “I am having some people over and grabbing pizza for everyone,” he says. “I’ll save you some.” Cassian raises an eyebrow to ask who Azriel was having over since Azriel didn’t really have any other friends besides Rhysand, Cassian, and their childhood friend Mor. Rhyand finishes his speech before Cassian can ask.

“Monte,” Coach Hyberon yells and Cassian falls back from the group to head over towards him. “Hit the shower and then meet me in my office. We have something we need to go over.”

Cassian nods, as he heads into the locker room. He would have rather just had the coach say what he wanted to say then stew in anxiety. “What was that about?” Rhysand questions as Cassian walks.

“Coach just wanted to make sure I am up to par to beat the love of your lifes boyfriend,” Cassian retorts as he walks over to his cubby and peels off his shirt. He just wanted to head home and devour the pizza Azriel had promised.

Rhysand leans over to shove Cassian’s shoulder, earning a grimace. His eyes narrowed in concern. “Don’t worry about it,” Cassian says before Rhysand can ask. He wasn’t being pulled out of the Spring Court game because of a shoulder injury, he was in his last year an injury was not going to take him out.

After showing, Cassian walks down the long hall from the locker room to the coaches office. “You’re failing English,” his coach announces before Cassian even shuts the door. Amren, the team manager, chokes on a laugh as she looks over. He ignores her, he couldn’t wait for her insults once he left.

Cassian frowns. He had a C in the class, which wasn’t great when compared to his engineering courses which he was acing but he wasn’t failing yet.

Coach Hyberon frowns as he slides a paper over towards Cassian. Cassian glances down at the paper. “Your English professor reached out to me to let me know you would be receiving a C- on your midterm,” Coach says. “Which drops your grade to a D. Which means-,”

“Which means I am out for the Spring Court game next week,” Cassian fills in the blank. He hated Spring Court, but his captain and brother Rhysand hated them even more so it was a very important game.

“Which means that I am going to have to put a freshman pitcher in if you don’t get your act together,” Coach Hyberon scowls. Cassian raises an eyebrow, so he wasn’t officially out yet? “The professor also hates Spring Court, so we have come to an agreement. You have another opportunity in the midterm.”

Cassian stares up at the coach. “I can rewrite it with the corrections?” he asks, looking at all the red pen marks. He cringes at all the spelling errors.

“No,” his coach says. Cassian blinks up at him. “You will have to pick a new topic and rewrite it by Thursday.”

Cassian mouth drops. “Thursday? That's in four days,” he exclaims with his class and game schedule he wasn’t sure if he would be able to finish it in time but he couldn’t let the team down.

“At least I know you know the days of the week, I suggest you get started,” Coach says as he turns to face his computer dismissing Cassian. Cassian lets out a loud sigh as he grabs the paper from the desk and turns to leave. How the hell was he supposed to get this done in time?

An hour later, Cassian finds himself climbing the stairs of the library ignoring the dull ache in his shoulder and the growling in his stomach as he moves towards the tutoring center. He hadn’t been here since freshman year when he had a senior question how he made it into college based on his reading level. At the time Cassian was embarrassed about his learning disability and wasn’t about to tell a senior who called him stupid that he was actually dyslexic and didn’t have the best support system growing up. He stopped coming all together to the library when a TA told him he only got in because of his ability to throw a ball.

His footsteps slowed as he neared the entrance to the tutoring center. They stopped all together when he saw who was sitting behind the help desk. Nesta Archeron sat flipping through a thick novel which must be more than six pages long. Her hair was tied back but a few strains fell into her face as her eyes scanned the page intently. She glances up, her eyes narrowing as she spots Cassian.

She closes her book and he glances down at the title. Prythian Law and Policies. He briefly remembers Rhysand summer “fling” turned love of his life Feyre Archeron mentions that her sister was a double major in English and Political Science who was currently applying to law programs.

“Have you been here before?” Nesta asks.

He swallows the lump in his throat. The last thing he needed was for Nesta Archeron to know that he was stupid. Especially since he spent the summer trying to woo her once Feyre introduced them in passing at a party. She cleared her throat intently and he realized he had been staring at her. “Uh, not since Freshman year,” he replies.

She nods, flipping an ipad towards him. “We changed the system last year so you’ll have to make a new account. Just sign into your student profile,” she explains. He steps forward and his eyes scan the page. “Just to let you know we will be closing in ten minutes.”

Cassian freezes. “Ten minutes?” He repeats slowly. How was he supposed to write his complete paper in ten minutes so he could have the next three days to review it? He still needed to figure out a new topic and he didn’t know when he would have time-

“Cassian,” Nesta says and he blinks at her. He didn’t realize she remembered his name. “Are you okay?”

He shakes his head. “No-, well, I-,” the panic was setting in. The pressure he had been feeling since elementary school when he would say bog instead of dog in class or stumble over his words during read allowed time. By middle school he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get into college with his grades which is how he met Rhysand and Azriel who talked him into playing baseball. Now, his college and baseball career would be over because of a core English requirement.

He hadn’t realized Nesta had moved to the other side of the desk until her hands were on her shoulders. “Take a deep breath, follow my lead,” she murmurs, her eyes soft as she looks up at him. She grabs his hand and places it on her chest. She takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. As she does it again he matches her.

“Feeling better?” she questions after a few moments. He nods as he drops his hand, not trusting his voice, he wondered how she knew what to do. As if she was able to hear his question she supplies, “I used to get panic attacks in highschool.”

“Thank you,” he says, fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. “I just got some bad news and I think it was all hitting me at once. I appreciate you helping me.” He glances down at his watch. He had spent the majority of their short time freaking out. “I don’t want to keep you.”

He turns to go but she holds out a hand to stop him. “What did you need help with?” she questions.

“A paper,” he replies.

She laughs, “Okay,” she says slowly. “Editing? Helping with the topic? Presenting? Structure?”

Cassian grimaces. “Is all of the above an option?” he asks and she laughs again. “I massively failed a paper and it’ll drop my grade down so I won’t be able to play in the scrimmage next week but my professor is allowing me to give it another go.”

Nesta nods slowly. “When is it due?” she asks.

“Thursday,” he replies, running a hand through his hair. “But it has to be a new topic.”

Nesta’s eyes flicker to the clock on the wall. “I said I would babysit for a family friend,” Nesta says, and Cassian's heart drops. “But, I work at the diner downtown. Rita’s. No one is ever there since it's a work day so come by tomorrow between 6-12 and I’ll help you bounce around some topics.”

His eyes brighten. “Really?” he asks.

“I am not writing the paper for you, but I don’t work again until Thursday and the other English tutor is more likely to complain to you about her boyfriend problems than actually help you with your assignments,” Nesta replies with a shrug. She looks away sheepishly. “I mean only if you want.”

Cassian smiles brightly. “That would be incredible. I could pay you since you wouldn’t be on school hours. Whatever you want,” he replies. “Anything you want.”

“Anything I want?” she hums in thought as she moves around the table and grabs her book bag and book off the table. “How about a favor?”

Cassian quickly nods. “Yeah, of course. What do you need?” he asks.

She bites her lip as she looks up at him. “My dad is trying to set me up with one of his old business partners' sons,” she says. Cassian raises an eyebrow suspiciously. “He’s known to be cruel and my dad has invited him over for dinner on Friday. I’d like you to come.”

“You need me to beat him up?” Cassian asks. He could do it and he would do it if this guy touched Nesta but he wasn’t sure if starting a fight with someone based on a rumor would go over well with his coach.

Nesta laughs and shakes her head, more of her hair falling from her braid and covering her piercing eyes. “I need you to be my fake boyfriend.”

#Cassian #Nesta archeron #new story #elain archeron #nessian fanfiction #gwynriel #gwyn acotar #feysand

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talkfantasytome · 3 years

Note

Bless us with more Gwynriel! Loved the story you posted <3

Thank you! 💕💕 Idk if the ask wanted a continuation from the last Gwynriel piece I did. If so...that didn't happen. 👀 I wanted to do autumn fluff instead, so I did. This is in the same AU as my Touch of Spice piece. I think most of what I do this month, fluff or kinktober, will be within this AU if it's for ACOTAR.

Cassian invites Az to join him and Nesta for lunch, purposefully hiding who else will be joining them.

Warnings: Innuendo, super mild hints at Gwyn being the dom she is

Word Count: 2,111 | Read on AO3

a/n: This piece is basically fluff, and I don't entirely know what it is, to be honest. Like, part of me feels good about it, part of me feels like it's crap. Part of me thinks I've got some great lines, another part of me is like, "oh, shit, what if everyone hates it or thinks I crossed lines???"...which, you know, will be a super fun anxiety to have as I move into the kinktober asks over the next few days. 👀 (Yes, nonnies that sent those, they'll be answered. 💕)

Also, this wasn't really edited.

Azriel was going to kill him.

It was time. He was finally going to do it.

He was going to wipe that stupid smirk off his stupid face and slam his stupid, hairy head into the wall. Or maybe just knee him in the balls. Hard enough he loses function. That would be worse than dying for Cassian.

And he'd deserve it for this horrendous trick.

Even if it likely did come from a 'good place', as Nesta would say. Always defending her man.

Az hated that even more. Because he wanted it desperately.

Worse, he knew exactly who with, and she was standing right next to him, her red hair shining in the autumn sun, the two of them practically on a double date with Cassian and Nesta. Except it wasn't, because Az had no idea she'd be there, and he was fairly certain she didn't know he'd be there either.

No, Cassian had simply dragged Az to the Pumpkin Patch festival the city of Velaris put on every year, saying he was meeting Nesta there for lunch and Az should join. Something about trying out some new curry chips booth Emerie had been raving about all week.

Az liked curry, so he agreed, assuming it was just some casual, last minute lunch.

The look on Cassian's face when Az realized Nesta wasn't alone told him it most definitely wasn't last minute or any type of coincidence. Cassian knew exactly what he was doing bringing Az with him, and Az was pretty sure Nesta was just as knowledgeable. Especially after she claimed she wasn't yet hungry enough to eat, so they should all go on a hayride to let her hunger grow.

It was noon, and Nesta spent almost two hours every Saturday morning at the gym. Typically from about nine to eleven. And he'd seen her come back to their place afterward and instantly devour half a carton of eggs and two chocolate croissants.

Not hungry his ass.

But what was Az to do? He couldn't exactly say no. Not without looking like a stubborn jerk in front of Gwyn. Besides, it's not that he didn't want to go on a hayride with her. He very much did. Preferably at dusk, or even night with a full moon overhead, maybe bringing a picnic for afterwards.

A proper date.

However, that would involve him getting the nerve to actually ask her out. And seeing as she obviously didn't like him back, Azriel doubted he'd ever actually have the courage to do so.

Cassian was really just wasting his time with this attempt. Gwyn was gorgeous, funny, outgoing, and incredibly smart - she'd never have any interest in him. Besides, she was always teasing him, and Az couldn't see that as a good sign.

"Just the four of you?" the hayride driver asked as the last group unloaded from the bed of the truck.

"Yep!" Cassian exclaimed, offering his hand to help Nesta into the cab. She ignored it and used his shoulder instead, knowing that denying him would drive him about as crazy as her touch on his shoulder would.

Az also hated how he knew that. He really did need to get out more on his own, without them, for his own sanity.

"Are you going to offer to help me?" Gwyn asked in a taunting tone as they walked up to the truck, an eyebrow raised at him, though he barely noticed. He was too busy getting sucked into those teal eyes, deep and entrancing and completely unique to her.

He felt his cheeks warm as he nodded, holding out a hand for her and stiffening his arm as she used it for balance, savoring the shock-like sensation that sizzled through him from where her skin met his.

Hopping onto the hay beside Gwyn, he rolled his eyes as Cassian shot him a wink before turning his attention fully on Nesta.

"So, how long do you think they'll last before…never mind," Gwyn sighed, looking away from their friends as Nesta started peppering kisses to Cassian's neck as she whispered something to him, Cassian wearing that same dopey smile he always got around her and laughing softly.

"Yeah, I kinda wish they wouldn't do that so often," he groaned, his own eyes moving to look at the surrounding area as well, not wanting to watch their friends in their…affections.

It was a beautiful backdrop.

The festival was on the border of the city, and the hayride took a path where the wooded area at the edge of the mountains started. Most of the leaves had already shifted colors, the trees in hues of mustard, rusted orange, and deep crimson. Even the sun seemed to have a slightly warmer yet dimmer light, as if it, too, were celebrating autumn with them.

The hay wasn't exactly comfortable to sit on, even with the blankets covering most of the bed, but somehow it felt right in the gentle breeze. It was true sweater weather, something neither Nesta nor Gwyn seemed to be taking for granted, the latter looking absolutely adorable bundled up in a knit, russet pullover.

"At least we have each other to talk to," Gwyn offered, throwing him a kind smile. Az met her stare, hoping she read the agreement in his face. "Assuming you know how to hold a conversation for longer than a minute," she added with a chuckle and a mischievous glint in those seas of green-blue.

"What would you like me to talk about, Berdara?" he requested, his tone low, somehow portraying a confidence he certainly wasn't feeling.

Gwyn thought for a moment tilting her head slightly and looking up, her irises sliding to the right side of her eyes. "Pumpkin carving," she finally decided.

"Pumpkin carving?" he repeated.

"Sure! We are at the Pumpkin Patch."

Az chuckled, brushing his fingers through his hair quickly. "Okay. I'm not much of a fan, I guess. When done well it can look cool, but I'm not particularly good at it, and it just seems like a waste of pumpkin. I mean, sure, you can roast pumpkin seeds, but that's nothing to what you can do with the shell of the pumpkin, but instead we're just going to carve it up, put a candle in it, and leave it outside for the squirrels to munch on, often destroying the design before Halloween actually comes? I mean, surely, with the technology we have today, we could create fake pumpkins that are a lot like real ones, but without the gross insides, and wouldn't be as appealing to the squirrels. Best of both worlds - people can do the activity and make their own, since that seems to be important to some, and you don't end up with a ruined design. Plus, farmers can then grow actual, good-tasting pumpkins, and we don't have to deal with making sure we're buying the right ones for the various foods we wish to make with pumpkin. What?"

He focused back on her as she giggled, watching him in his rant.

"I didn't realize you felt so strongly about pumpkins, Az," she teased, a light smile on her face that had his heart fluttering.

He blushed again under her gaze, his own eyes hopping from freckle to freckle on her face. "I like…pie…" he explained, only afterwards realizing he sounded like an idiot with that statement.

"Pie?"

"Yes." His eyes darted away from her as she laughed heartily, tipping her head back slightly.

"Pie is good," she agreed, Az meeting her stare once again, the hint of a smile on his lips. "But I never would've expected such a rant from you."

Az raised his eyebrows at that comment. "And why's that?"

She shrugged. "You're just so…stoic and mysterious. I always feel like you'd rather hang out in the shadows, on the outskirts of whatever's happening."

"The shadows are my friends," he joked, feeling the smirk in his eyes.

"Oh, do they talk to you? Or, better yet, sing? Do you sing to them?" Gwyn's face grew wide with excitement at the concept. "Are you a shadowsinger?"

"What is a shadowsinger?" he asked, laughing loudly. He'd never heard of such nonsense.

"I don't know, but it sounds cool," she answered simply, beaming up at him.

His laughter died down as their gazes remained locked. In his peripheral, he noticed a leaf lightly float into her hair, the burnt orange against her shimmering copper hair was gorgeous, but Az doubted she'd want the leaf to stay there. So he lifted a hand, leaning in slightly to pick it out.

Just as his fingers grabbed hold of its stem, Gwyn pushed herself forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, Az freezing at the touch, his mouth opening slightly in shock when she pulled back away. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him, something like horror flashing through them when she caught sight of the leaf in his hand he'd clearly been reaching for.

But he didn't say anything, not as his heart galloped away, not as his mind raced, attempting to process what had just happened. He just stared.

"Oh my gosh," she gasped, her face falling into her hands. "I'm so sorry. I thought…"

She shook her head, still hiding herself from him when his mind finally caught up to everything. Gwyn had just kissed him. She kissed him. And he was just sitting there, stiff as a statue.

Az tossed the leaf to the side as his other hand lightly wrapped around her wrists, pulling them down. He used his now-free hand to tangle his fingers in her hair and lift her face, bringing her eyes to his.

Gwyn stared back at him, uncertainty and fear staining her glorious eyes, and Az knew he'd never find the right words to make her feel better. So, instead, he acted.

Flashing her a small half-smile, he leaned in and brought his lips down to hers, gentle and tentative, just in case she'd suddenly decided she didn't want it.

As it turned out, Az was far luckier than he ever could have imagined. Gwyn was quickly kissing him back, fisting her hands in his shirt to pull him closer. Their lips parted in sync with each other's, both attempting to deepen the kiss, but the growing smiles made it difficult.

Gwyn gave up first, resting her forehead against his as they breathed each other in. "I've been waiting for you to do that for months."

"What?!" Az asked before he could think better of it. "I…I didn't think you liked me."

Rolling her eyes, she sighed loudly, huffing out a small laugh. "I thought you were supposed to be smart."

She looked into his hazel eyes, her pupils dilated to the point that the teal was only a small ring and Az wanted to shout at her eyes to bring it back. But instead he just chuckled, placing a small kiss to her nose, which had her scrunching her face adorably. "I'm pretty sure my mind empties whenever I'm around you."

"Ew, gross," she groaned, pushing him away lightheartedly as they both laughed before scooting closer and resting her heat on his shoulder. She nuzzled in when Az wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and then placed a hand on his leg, brushing it softly. Her hand going higher with each stroke.

"Um, Gwyn," he gulped, his focus now entirely on that hand, and the feeling as she got closer and closer. "Not that that doesn't feel amazing but, erm…I'd rather not have something…extra on display when we go for lunch."

She tilted her head to look up at him, a playful smirk on her lips, her hand never stopping. "I guess you'll just have to control yourself, then."

Azriel felt his eyes widen as he saw a small question flash in Gwyn's. If he truly wanted her to stop, she would, but he definitely didn't now. Not after that comment. Not as Az hardened instantly at the power she seized.

"I think you and I are going to have a lot of fun together, Berdara," he grunted in a guttural tone as he attempted to breath deeply and steel himself.

"Oh, I know we are," she shot back. "But you might not want to think too hard about that right now." With a wink, Gwyn was back to leaning fully against him, her eyes drifting to watch the trees go by, her hand continuing its soft brushes. And Az attempted to think about everything other than the wicked woman he now knew he was desperately in love with.

a/n: So, yes, I'm American, and most everything will use American terminology. However, curry chips is really a more British thing (and something I've only had when I lived in London - it was amazing), and I just can't call it "curry fries"...it sounds weird. So, yeah...in case that confused some of you...there's that explanation. XD

And really hope this flowed well! There may be a part I put in to help me with something later on, and idk if it really works but I'm keeping it. 😂

If you would like me to make a Gwynriel tag list and put you on it, let me know! 🙂

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aelingalathyniusrailme · 3 years

Text

gwynriel headcanons because we need more content

rain kiss on roof tops

gwyn is talking to nesta and emerie about the male lead in one of their erotica books, and this guy is embarrassing as fuck. he’s pathetic and needs to get a grip. sellion drake would never write a male lead as trashy as this one

azriel overhears and thinks she’s talking about him. he proceeds to get very moody and distant. shutting gwyn out.

gwyn finally had enough of his attitude, asked him what was up and he ignored her, facing the other way

she grabbed his arm and forced him to look at her. “hey talk to me”

“I know you’re embarrassed of me”

it took gwyn a moment but then she realized exactly what he was talking about

gwyn is like you dumbass and starts climbing out the window

azriel is stunned “what are you doing get back here”

gwyn ignores him and pulls herself on to the roof in the pouring rain

soaking wet in front of all of velaris she starts yelling to the entire city all the reasons that she loves him

everyone turned to look up at them and azriel got super shy and was blushing. but gwyn, satisfied with herself, was grinning like an idiot absolutely drenched in rain

she’s the most magnificent sight he’s ever seen

gwyn is still smiling and hollering about how much she loves him. and to shut her up azriel pulls her in for a kiss. and while she wants the whole world to know, his words are for her to hear and her only. he whispers “I love you too”

🎵everybody shots shots shots🎵

azriel has been super moody lately and gwyn will not have it.

her “best friend” needs her and she is determined to be there for him

gwyn has only been outside the library a few times at this point

it’s the end of training and she walks up to azriel and loops her arm through his. he raises his eyebrows in amusement but doesn’t question it

she looks at him with a smirk and declares “we are going out tonight”

azriel is stunned. so much so that he forgets he’s brooding “you want to go out? tonight?”

our sassy gwyn replies “yes pretty sure that’s what I just said”

“and just where are we going”

“rita’s”

azriel remains shocked “you want to go to a club?”

“well i’ve heard such great things about it, so yes I want to go to a club.”

“I mean if you don’t want to go I will gladly find someone else to take me”

azriel eyes flash with subtle panic. gwyn notices and smirks knowing she’s about to get her way

he regains enough composure to begrudgingly agree

they arrive at rita’s. it’s packed but because azriel is good friends with our lesbian icon miss rita herself they get in anyway

gwyn is ready to party

they grab a booth and order drinks. gwyn gets something fruity (for az because he’s a sucker but will never get one himself) az gets tequila (for gwyn obvi she loves herself some trashy cheep liquor)

gwyn is only one drink in but because miss berdara is a lightweight she’s already wasted

a faerie comes up to them and is clearly about to hit on gwyn but azriel stares him the fuck down and he leaves. gwyn doesn’t even notice

they’re talking, drinking, enjoying each other’s company when gwyn yells “ShOtS”

az looks at her incredulously.

“gwyn i’m not sure shots are the best idea right now” he says carefully

“oh don’t be such a scrooge az” gwyn slurs and winks “unless you’re scared i’m going to beat you”

azriel sees the bait from miles away and yet he can’t resist taking it “I am 500 years old and you think you can beat me in a drinking game” azriel scoffs

gwyn waits and finally az calls the waiter over for a round of shots

they go round after round downing shots and suddenly there’s a group of people surrounding them cheering them on. “SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY”

gwyn despite being a huge lightweight is still going. but none of us are surprised because we know how determined she is

8 rounds in gwyn downs another one. and azriel brings the drink to his lips, his hand shaking slightly

finally he puts it down and admits defeat. “you win” he slurs. gwyn stands up on the table triumphant and everyone in the club cheers for her “Redhead Redhead Redhead”

gwyn waves to the crowd like a queen waving to her subjects

azriel watches her laughing

but she is so gone that she stumbles and trips

azriel doesn’t miss a beat and catches her

they stare at one another, with her hands wrapped around his neck, like there’s no one else in the club

gwyn stands up. az is reluctant to let go and she whispers “thank you”

to break the tension gwyn says “let’s go dancing”

“absolutely not” she rolls her eyes at him and he can read the words there scrooge

azriel is hiccuping like there is no tomorrow and gwyn is dying of laughter

after another drink she finally convinces him to dance with her

they dance the night away drunk and having the time of their lives

but eventually gwyn and az call it a night and they walk home along the sidra.

for the first time in weeks azriel goes home smiling his ass off instead of brooding

point bedara

the french braid

it’s been a long week for gwyneth bedara. the illyrians are refusing to train with the valkyries no matter how hard gwyn, nesta and emerie try.

she’s been staying late training. training training and training. trying to turn her frustration into something productive and gwyn is exhausted. she’s barely been sleeping.

azriel unlocks the door of their apartment and walks into their shared room. he’s about to open his mouth when he sees gwyn at the vanity

gwyn is sitting with her hands behind her head aggressively braiding her hair. he watches as she stops, deciding it’s not good enough, violently brushes through her hair and tries again. the process repeats until finally gwyn throws the brush in frustration

her eyes are dull and unfocused

azriel comes in and she turns to look at him exasperated. “why don’t we go to bed” he says softly

“I need to finish this” she says through gritted teeth. her hands clenched in a fist

“love, why don’t you let me do it for you” his voice is sincere and loving

gwyn let’s out a breath and hands him the brush

az begins to brush through her straight, thick, copper hair. gently detangling the knots

his shadows twist themselves in gwyns hair attempting to comfort her

when azriel determines her hair silky and knot free he sets down the brush

gwyn talks him through the braiding process and az, the quick learner that he is, is soon weaving her hair into a gorgeous french braid

his hands are light and delicate. crossing the strands over each other and softly tugging her hair, giving gwyn a massage

his hands feel good in her hair. she looks up into the mirror and smiles faintly as she watches az with his brows furrowed in concentration, braiding away.

the restless energy in gwyn settles. she is content to watch az. but without meaning to her eyelids feel heavy and she can no longer hold them open

gwyn is asleep for the first time in days

azriel continues to braid until he finally reaches the end of her hair. he grabs a blue ribbon from the vanity and tenderly ties it around her hair.

az steps back and admires his handiwork. feeling satisfied he says excitedly “gwyn I did it”

he then looks over at her and realizes that she has fallen asleep so he picks her up and gently lays them down on the bed with her head against his chest and his wings wrapped around them

she murmurs against him still half asleep “i’m proud of you”

“shh rest my love”

#gwynriel #gwynriel headcanon #gwyn berdara #azriel #acosf

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meher-sumedha · 3 years

Text

Gwynriel Headcanon : Shopping takes an "unexpected" turn

I have wanted to write this one SINCE SOOO LONG. Hope you like it!

"Hayley you have to decide your prom dress soon, it's this week!" Gwyn told her daughter as she was shopping. "I knowww mom, ", "This one looks nice." Gwyn said while holding a blue dress against her body.

"Ehh I don't think it'll suit her body." Said her Nephew Nyx. Gwyn raised an eyebrow at him playfullly and then Nyx blushed. You seem to know a lot about her body, Gwyn said in her mind. And by the way Nyx blushed, she knew he'd heard her.

And then Nesta groaned, "Can we please goo, I'm so fucking tired, " And Cassian acted like he was hurt, "Oh.my.god. Nesta Archeron is tired of shopping? I'd never thought I'd live to see that way."

And Nesta swatted his hand and rolled her eyes. Gwyn just chuckled at their playfullness and said, "Alright kiddos, we'll go, " And her son groaned and muttered beautiful curses under his breath. Gwyn pointed at him playfully, "Hey! Watch that mouth Klaus." And Klaus just rolled his eyes and said, "I'm 19 mom, I don't need to be told to watch that mouth. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man. "

Gwyn literally glared at him before saying, "Oh really? Then act like one. Just look at your cousin Nyx. He at least curses in private and not in front of his parents." And Klaus chuckled at that. Nyx just became even redder.

"Alright let's goooooo" Nesta said and went out the door and took flight. Oh yes, the Valkyries had wings, real wings. They were light coloured and off white. Like the wings of angels. Even Gwyn had them.

And well all of them had wings. Klaus had his father's illyrian wings, and Hayley had her mother's valkyrian wings.

They walked out of the shop after 5 hours of shopping. With literally nothing in hand. "Wow, we really do know how to waste time." Cassian said while chuckling as he took flight. Gwyn could see Nesta followed him, and that they weren't going home any soon. It looked like some action is gonna take place in the sky this evening.

Nyx sighed and said while looking up, "They're gonna do it aren't they?", and Hayley shivered and said, "Ew Nyx, don't stare up, don't wanna find our aunt and uncle doing this. Mom can we please take the stairs? I would rather walk 10000 steps of stairs rather than accidentally see them."

Gwyn chuckled and said, "Hayleyy, it's okay. They're not doing anything now-" Gwyn then looked up mid sentence and saw them doing it and then suddenly looked down, "You know I think we should take the stairs too, let's go yeah let's go" Gwyn said and wrapped her arms around her twins, with Nyx walking on her side.

They walked till the house in silence until Gwyn said, "Alright I'm not walking ten thousand steps, Klaus, can you use your shadows to hide us. We'll fly to the house and MAKE SURE to not look upward AT. ANY. COST. Alright?"

Klaus just shrugged and said Alright. His shadows wrapped around them. In winters, even at 7pm it looked like it was 1am. But alas, his shadows wrapped around them and they were hidden from the world. They all took flight and all landed on the balcony.

Gwyn just chuckled when she saw Klaus stumble while he landed, "You need to work on that landing boy." She said but then saw he was frozen. And then she then looked at Hayley and Nyx.

Everyone had frozen now. Silent tears were coming from Hayley's eyes. And Klaus was just frozen. Gwyn knew this affected him much as it did to Hayley, he was just too proud to show it. Nyx was looking at Gwyn, and he was in her mind.

It was his silent gesture of showing that he was there for Gwyn. But Gwyn didn't understand what was happening, until she followed Hayley's gaze.

Gwyn's smile disappeared in an instant when she saw her mate kissing Elain.

Suddenly Cassian and Nesta landed on the balcony, Azriel broke their kiss, and Klaus' shadows faltered.

And then Gwyn met her- not hers, she reminded herself. She met Azriel's gaze. Gwyn didn't realize tears were coming from her eyes until Nesta came up to her worriedly and asked what was happening.

Azriel just stood there, not able to say anything when he saw Gwyn, and their kids. When Nesta followed Gwyn's sad gaze, she saw Azriel and Elain standing together. And it immediately clicked, Nesta started to walk towards Azriel, furious but Gwyn stopped her.

Nesta was about to argue but she saw Gwyn shake her head, and Nesta's heart broke at seeing that. Gwyn took a shuddering breath, and said, "Kiddos" And her voice broke. She then closed her eyes, trying to register what was happening, hoping that this was just a bad dream.

But when she opened her eyes, it- it wasn't. It was just endless sadness. Gwyn tried to calm her racing heart, but she couldn't. She then tried to regain some composure, and cleared her throat and said, "Kiddos, I think you should go to your room." And Klaus started to speak something but Gwyn cut him off with a command, "Now".

Klaus obeyed as he understood the intensity of the situation. He then picked up his sister who was sitting on the floor crying silently, and took her to his room. "Aunti Gwyn I-" Gwyn cut him off with a pleading look. Please. She said in her mind and then he froze for a second, before going to his room.

Nesta was about to speak when Gwyn cut her off, "Please take care of the kids until then" And Nesta was about to say something, but Cassian took her out of the room, and into the kids' room. He gave her an apologetic look before doing so.

And now it was just them. Gwyn wasn't able to meet his eyes, her heart was too broken, and she- she couldn't look at her. So she did the only sane thing she knew, she took flight out of the house.

She knew Azriel followed her, "GWYN" He shouted once, "GWYN" He shouted again but he was too slow, for Gwyn was already in the townhouse.

She met Feyre in the way but she slightly shoved her to go to Rhysand's study, only to find it empty. Then Gwyn came back to Feyre, only to find that Azriel was already talking to her. "RHYS" Gwyn shouted, "RHYS" she shouted again. She then went to Feyre, right beside Azriel.

Azriel then turned towards her at the same moment Feyre said, "Gwyn are you okay?" Worry shown in her eyes but Gwyn- Gwyn couldn't deal with this right now. "Gwyn I can explain-", "Do you have the divorce papers? The one that people sign when the want a divorce?" And at the same moment Rhysand came down the stairs.

As soon as he saw Gwyn's sad face he asked her, "Gwyn are you okay?" Gwyn again ignored the question and tried to ask him with a cold face but failed miserably, "Do you have divorce papers?"

And Rhysand nodded, "Can you give them to me?" And Azriel suddenly said in a deathly voice, "You are not giving her divorce papers. Gwyn I can explain-", "Please" Gwyn said, letting her broken self be seen in that one word. And then Rhysand understood and went straight to the study.

Gwyn, Azriel and Feyre followed him. While Rhysand looked for the papers. He had looked into Gwyn's mind. He knew how wrong it was but he needed to be sure, and after seeing what she had seen, he was sure.

"Gwyn I can explain-" And this time, Gwyn snapped. "What the hell is there to explain Az? You kissed her and our kids saw that. Do you even know how much it hurt them to see their father like that? Do you know how much it hurt me-", "Gwyn I was just confirming-"

"Confirming WHAT Azriel. We've been together since 25 years. Married together since 23 years and have had kids in the last 19 years. And if you really needed confirmation, you should have done that before doing all of that with me."

And this time, Azriel had no words, he simply looked down. And then Gwyn laughed bitterly with tears in her eyes, "I guess 25 years for a fae don't really matter now do they? It's just one percent of their life and-", and even Azriel shed one tear. Gwyn felt guilty about saying those words but- "Don't say that Gwyn. Don't.say.that." And then Gwyn said, while looking him straight in the eye, "But it's the truth Azriel. And like you said, ugly truths are better than pretty lies. "

And then Rhysand found the papers and slammed them on the desk. Gwyn signed them as soon as possible, her tears making the page wet. This was it. She was ending their life together. Their 25 years. Their 25 years. But it's fine, it's fine.

"Gwyn what about our kids?" Azriel asked, with a broken voice, and Gwyn didn't look up. She swallowed that huge gulp in her throat, and said, "I guess you should have thought about them before kissing Elain." And signed the last page.

She then shoved the papers in Azriel's chest, "Sign the papers Shadowsinger. It's just like another deal. " Gwyn said with sarcasm dripping from her voice, she tried to smile, she really did. But she couldn't. "I'm not signing the papers Gwyn.", "Yes you are. ", "I.am.not." Azriel said, with some sense of finallism in his voice.

And then Gwyn said with a defeated voice, "Please sign the papers. Please.", "What about our family-", "Our family is still gonna be there Az. I am not taking our kids anywhere. You'll always be there father and they'll stay right there. Don't think for a second that I'll let my kids live without a proper father like you had to.

You may be the shittiest person I know Azriel but are a great father. Sign the papers Azriel, we aren't meant for each other anymore. I'll even leave the night court just please sign the papers."

Gwyn said and looked up to him with bloodshot eyes and begged him with those eyes. And then Azriel squared up and said, "I'm sorry Gwyn- I- I can't sign the papers, I- can't let you go." And that was the moment, when Gwyn lost all hope in him.

She then left the townhouse without saying a word, and this time, Azriel didn't follow her. She was now standing outside of her kids' room, she kept taking long breaths. She cleaned her eyes with the back of her hand but whenever she's tried to open the door, she moved back.

But then Nesta suddenly opened the door from inside and as soon as she saw Gwyn, she caught her in a bone crushing hug. "I'm sorry." She whispered in her neck.

Gwyn then moved back to look at Nesta's face and smiled sadly, "It's not your fault Nes. It's okay." And Nesta hugged her again.

And then Cassian came out of the room, even he looked guilty, as if he was the one who had done the deed. Cassian then looked at Gwyn apologetically and Gwyn just rolled her eyes and waved it off. Cassian was stupid, but not stupid enough to miss the pain in her eyes.

"I need to talk to the kids Nes." Gwyn reminded Nesta and Nesta moved away, she then looked at Gwyn, apologetically and pitying her. And Cassian and Nesta left.

Gwyn then took a long breath and went inside the room, only to find Hayley still crying, and Nyx and Klaus comforting her. Gwyn then closed the door and went towards them, she sat on her knees and took Hayley's hands in hers. But Hayley didn't wait a second to hug Gwyn. She kept crying in her neck, Gwyn closed her eyes, don't let the tears come, don't let the tears come.

And then opened them and massaged Hayley's hair slightly. "shhh, it's gonna be okay love, it's gonna be okay. " She kept repeating as long as it would take to stop her daughter from crying.

It didn't work and Hayley moved away. Gwyn's heart broke when she looked at their sad faces. She then got up and sat on the other bed, with her hands still holding Hayley's. "Hey, look at me." She whispered and Hayley didn't, "Hayley, look at me." And then Hayley did.

And the sight of that broke Gwyn's heart even more. She wiped her tears with her hand and said, "it's gonna be okay love, it's gonna be okay. " And kissed her hand. Klaus then said, "Don't worry, we'll take revenge Hayley." And Gwyn rolled her eyes and said, "no revenge needs to be taken Klaus, you can calm down."

"Mom but-", "No buts, Azriel may be a shitty husband but he's not a shitty father. And you will not treat him like one either. He's always been there for all of you, even you Nyx. So any plans you've made for killing him have to be cancelled. Come on, hand them over Nyxie" Gwyn said, trying to lighten up the mood.

But then Nyx actually gave her a piece of paper guiltily and Gwyn chuckled and asked, "You actually made a plan to kill him? Wow" And then Hayley sobbed and asked, "Mum are you divorcing him?"

And then Gwyn looked down guiltily before shrugging and saying, "It's what parents do when things won't work out.", "What about our family?" Hayley asked. Gwyn scoffed and said, "Hayley, we'll still be a family. We'll always be a family. I would always be your mother and he'll always be your father. Nothing can change that. The only change is that I'm retiring him from the job of being my husband. But he'll still be your father. "

Gwyn said, and then continued, "I- I just may leave for a while, until things become a bit, controlled." And then Nyx said with anger laced in his voice, "Why do you have to leave? Why can't he? And why can't we come with you?".

And then Gwyn said, "Number one, because I need to get away. Number two, someone needs to take care of you kiddos, and number three I am not mentally or financially stable to support you right now. I always want you to live your best life and the only way to do that is by living in Velaris. And besides, you have your prom coming up, be a little excited!"

She tried to lighten up the mood but it didn't work, she sighed and said, "Wow you guys really are downers. But you can't be like that you know. Life has its own ups and downs. Sometimes its great and sometimes its shitty."

Klaus just scoffed at which Gwyn glared at him and then decided to take him out of the room. They entered the room's balcony and immediately Gwyn said, "Listen mister, you gotta stop being a downer for at least your sister. And Klaus you do not need to feel bad for me. I am a 50 year old adult and I can handle myself. Also, I caught you checking out that guy in the mall today, what was that about? "

And as soon as Gwyn said that, klaus reddened. But then he huffed and said, "How long have you known?" Gwyn just pretended to file her nails and said, "some 5 or 6 years, when I caught you doing my makeup in the bathroom. And then you saw how hideous you looked and immediately decided you wanted to be a masculine gay."

And then he tried to hide his smile while saying, "stalker" Gwyn acted like she was hurt but then said, "Am not! Now come on, your sister needs you. Go watch a movie with her and I'll think about giving you that guy's number."

"You have his NUMBER?!?", Gwyn winked and said, "I have my sources" And then took him inside. "Hayley, come on let's watch a movie and stop crying." Gwyn said and then pouted, "Pweaasee Hayley" Hayley cleaned her tears and said, "Alrighttt mum"

..............

(After watching a movie and saying goodnight to her kids)

In the balcony, with Nyx while stargazing :

Nyx scoffed and said, "Why did you forgive him Gwyn?" And Gwyn waited for a long time before answering, "Because I love him. And love makes people do fickle things. And also, who the fuck gave you permission to call me Gwyn?" And then took a long sip of her cheap beer.

"That is not the point. And also, I was trying it out but it didn't stick. But-", "No buts Nyx, when you're in love, you'll understand." And Nyx was about to say something but he shut his mouth.

And Gwyn understood. "Ohhhh but you've already been in love haven't you? 2 years with Hayley?" And the way Nyx reddened at that statement, made Gwyn chuckle even more with hiccups.

"That's right Nyxie, I know alll about your little thingies. I know all about yoour secret relationship-", "Please don't tell anyone-", "I know I know I would never.", "It's just that-", "Oh i know that you both enjoy the secrecy and having each other to yourself. By the way have yoou told her that she's your mate? I mean you should cause you already know her and-"

"YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT TOO??? MY GOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE SPYMASTER OF THIS DAMN COURT" Gwyn chuckled and said, "Language Nyxie, wouldn't wanna disappoint dad."

And Nyx just scoffed at that. After a few minutes, Gwyn got up and said, "Go home Nyxie, it's like 10pm now." But before leaving she didn't forget to pat him on the back and saying, "Don't drink little guy" And took a huge sip of the beer, finishing it. Nyx just chuckled at that.

Gwyn then went to her room. Not hers anymore, she realized. Gods, she was really drunk and all she wanted to do was break down and cry, but not today, she said, not today. And then she decided on doing a crazy ass thing. She decided to wear her ex husband's t-shirt and sleep. While she was changing in the bathroom, she noticed this weird tattoo forming on her hand.

It was full of flowers. Full of thorns, and roses. Gwyn thought she should get it checked out by Rhys, and so she did.

She then went to the townhouse, apologized Feyre for her behavior earlier and then asked to see Rhysand, to which Feyre told her that he was in his study. Gwyn went to his study, only to see that his face was dead serious, and that he was examining a box carefully.

"Sorry to interrupt Rhys but I suddenly got this tattoo and- OH MY GOD IS THAT TAMLIN'S HEAD!"

And Rhys nodded, she then went to look at his face. It was in its half beast form, but then Rhysand's eyes didn't move from her tattoo. And then Gwyn covered it up with her hand and said, "Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt, you already have better things to do." Gwyn was about to leave but then Rhysand said,

"It's the same tattoo I saw when Tamlin became the high lord in front of me-", "Ohkay?-" Gwyn was officially confused as to why Rhysand was telling this to her right now, but all her confusions were cleared when he said,

"You're the High Lady of the Spring Court."

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emilia3546 · 3 years

Text

Shadowsinger Part 13 - Gwynriel

ACOSF Spoilers! Do Not read this unless you have finished ACOSF and the Azriel bonus chapter

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

*****

Gwyn laughed when she met Emerie's eyes, and the Illyrian female squealed at the sight of her and raced towards her, almost crushing her ribs as she wrapped her arms around her,

"Why didn't you tell me what you were doing? Gods, Mor showed up and told me what had happened and that you were off Cauldron knows where on your own to try and fix it! What were you thinking?"

"Good you see you too, Em,"

"Gwyn! I was so worried." Emerie spun Gwyn around, twice, "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine. And I was thinking about them," And about him, but she couldn't quite voice that, not yet, not until she was sure he was okay with her voicing that. "And I wasn't alone, Rhysand went with me."

"He wasn't supposed to go into the keep at all,"

"He did, he helped us get out." Emerie narrowed her eyes,

"If you ever pull that kind of shit again,"

"I know, I know," Gwyn threw her arms around Emerie, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going, I should have." Emerie huffed, but sighed,

"Nesta?"

"With Cassian."

"And is he-"

"He's okay, recovering, but Madja says he'll be fine, he just needs a bit of time to rest." Emerie nodded, "C'mon, let's go see them." Despite Emerie's presence, Azriel clasped Gwyn's hand tightly in his as they walked up to Nesta and Cassian's room. He didn't let go when Emerie knocked on the door, nor when Nesta answered it. Gwyn smiled to herself at the way Nesta's face lit up at the sight of their sister, the tiredness in her eyes fading, she even stood up straighter as she grinned,

"I should have come earlier, I can't leave you alone for five minutes," Emerie chuckled, "I'll be visiting more often now, Mor's offered me a spare room in the townhouse so I can stay here sometimes." Emerie nudged Nesta back into the room, running her eyes over her, "Sit." she ordered, and a piece of chocolate cake appeared in her hands moments later, "For the miniature pegasus."

"For the miniature pegasus," Nesta echoed, and smiled as she took the plate from Emerie,

"How's Cassian?"

"Being a stubborn ass, as per usual," Nesta mumbled, "So he's fine. Sleeping, but fine." Emerie glanced across to the lump under the blankets on the bed, and raised an eyebrow at Nesta, "I'm fine, Em, I'm fine." Oh really? Gwyn tilted her head to the side, and Nesta rolled her eyes, "I am. I'm fine, I promise." Azriel shook his head gently,

"A wonder that none of you are daemati with that trick," he whispered, and Gwyn had to hold in a giggle, instead prodding him in the side. The movement drew Emerie's attention, and she noted their joined hands, but smiled and didn't comment, at least not yet. Gwyn groaned inwardly and mentally prepared herself for the bombardment she was sure to get the moment she and Emerie had a chance to talk. Emerie had already settled on a couch beside Nesta, but before Gwyn had chosen a seat, the lump on the bed moved, and promptly fell onto the floor.

"Cass!" Nesta all but threw the cake aside as she ran to help him up. He groaned, but gently, just complaining, not actually in pain. Gwyn did snort when he shook his head, his hair flicking around like a wolf's might after a swim.

"Hello, Cassian," Emerie chuckled, and he raised a hand in greeting, allowing Nesta to lift him back onto the bed, but refused to lie back down, insisting that he was okay, that he hadn't hurt himself. Nesta fussed for another few moments, before retrieving the cake,

"How's Windhaven?" Cassian fixed Emerie with a look, clearly desperate for any idea of how soon he might need to be back on his feet properly,

"Rainy and cold, I'm sure you remember it." Emerie said, quickly deflecting the question, "Do you mind if I help you with those?" She gestured to his wings, still bandaged, still clearly painful, and he nodded, allowing her to move and sit beside him, "You don't have to carry them the same as when they're uninjured." She gently guided his wings to sit lower, more relaxed, and his whole body eased, the tension from the pain diminishing. "If they keep hurting, ask Madja for arnicana, when your wings are injured, even if its not the main cause, the muscles tighten up, arnicana salve helps them to relax, and lessens the pain. Nesta can help with that." Cassian grunted noncommittally, "It's not weak to admit you need help recovering, I still have to use arnicana at least once a week for mine, it's just something to help, I can get my hands on some extra if Madja hasn't got any, it can be difficult to get outside of Illyria." Cassian smiled,

"Okay. Thank you." Still, Gwyn couldn't help but notice the way his gaze lingered on the jagged scars along Emerie's own wings, and he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"What?" He shrugged,

"We should have found a way to help even more, not just the brace."

"Cassian." Emerie waited for him to meet her eyes, "I don't need anything more, I'm quite happy as I am, I use the arnicana to help when they ache, they rarely hurt properly, and it's okay, I don't want to heal them, I'm used to life on the ground, it's okay, really. The only thing would be to get rid of the ache, but it's a minor inconvenience now." Cassian still winced when he passed his gaze over her wings, "Stop feeling sorry for me. I'm absolutely fine." He jumped, and nodded,

"That's not what I meant. I just meant, we should have found a way for you to fly again."

"I don't need to fly, I quite happy on the ground." Gwyn blinked in surprise,

"No way! You're scared of heights!"

"I am not!"

"You are!" Nesta grinned, "That's why you didn't like the balcony,"

"Okay, so I'm scared of heights, so what?" Gwyn chuckled again, and snorted at Azriel's efforts to contain his own laughter, and failing.

"You're an Illyrian," she snorted, "You can't be scared of heights."

"Ah, ah, but I can't fly, so it doesn't matter," Emerie snorted at Cassian's surprise, and skipped past Gwyn to escape to the safety of the empty corridor, "Goodnight lovebirds," she winked at Nesta, and smiled knowingly at Gwyn, before giving Azriel a pointed look. You hurt her and I'll gut you. Gwyn laughed as Emerie's gaze softened again as she disappeared down the corridor,

"We'll leave you be as well," Azriel said, and Gwyn silently closed the door behind them, giggling when Azriel slid an arm fully around her waist and held her against him. She sighed, and leaned back into him, closing her eyes for a moment. A year ago she never would have thought that she could be this comfortable with a male, let alone starting to fall in love with one. She let Azriel hold her close all the way back up to the corridor separating their rooms, he needed the reassurance that she was safe as much as she did, besides, she'd never felt safer than when she was in his arms. They walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence, but Gwyn's heart sank as she recognized her door coming up, and before she knew it the words were out of her mouth,

"Can I stay with you?" She froze as she realized, and the few seconds it took him to register her words felt like hours,

"You want to stay with me?"

"Yes. If that's okay." He grinned, spinning her around to face him,

"That is more than okay, Gwyn, all you have to do is tell me what you want." His gaze lingered on her face, meeting her eyes and dipping lower. Gwyn sucked in a breath, calming her trembling nerves as she lifted her face to meet his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and let one hand slide upwards to hold his head against her, her fingers automatically gripping his hair gently. Azriel was trembling with restraint as she opened, meeting her every move with one of his own, every thought narrowed down until it was him, just him, his arm around her waist, his hand cupping the back of her head. Shadows swirled around them both, hiding them in a cocoon of darkness. Gwyn gasped as the shadows slipped around her, not frightening her, never frightening her, simply holding her close to Azriel, her eyes flickered open as he moved, his great, beautiful wings curving around her as he pressed his forehead against hers, their breath mingling in the air between them. She smiled, and closed her eyes again. Safe. She was safe.

*****

Gwyn slept in one of Azriel's shirts that night, slipping under the covers with no hesitation and curling up beside him. Azriel resisted the urge to reach out for her, her terms, it would always be on her terms. Gwyn readjusted the blankets, wriggled closer to him, and snuggled into his chest as he gently wrapped his arms, and wings, around her. She mumbled his name softly, and scrunched her nose up when a shadow brushed the hair away from her face, Azriel couldn't bring himself to calm them yet, but they stilled as he closed his eyes, Gwyn's scent lingering as he drifted off to sleep.

"That's our star, forever." Azriel smiled as his mother turned back towards him, "Oh honestly, Azzy, do you ever comb your hair, it's a mess." Azriel winced as she tried to flatten the windswept tangles in his hair, her fingers snagging in a knot,

"I just landed, Mom!"

"As if that's an excuse." She cupped his face in one hand, thinking to herself, but smiled softly as she walked back to the house, his house, her safe haven, away from anyone who had tried to hurt her, a place Azriel had built himself, every stone, every brick, he had even made the furniture. "C'mon, Azzy, what are you waiting for? You'll catch cold!" Azriel sighed as his mother's voice floated through the air, soft, melodic. She leaned against the doorframe, and smiled, but something was wrong, her smiled faltered, and she mouthed at him to run as the shadowy figure of his half-brother appeared behind her.

"Mother!" He screamed, but his feet wouldn't move, wouldn't move as his mother stumbled away from the monster behind her, falling to the floor. Azriel blinked, and his brother vanished, replaced by a faceless male in a Hybern uniform, his mother screamed again, but her voice was different, younger, lighter, and her wings were gone. She screamed, her hair falling from the ribbon, not the dark brown of his mother's, no, now her hair was auburn, and Azriel shouted again as frightened teal eyes met his own. Azriel tried to call on his shadows as the faceless male approached her, flickering between a soldier of Hybern and the monster who called himself Azriel's brother. He was still frozen in place as Gwyn screamed his name, desperately calling for help, help that he could not give. He was helpless to save her.

"Your fault." A voice whispered in his ear, he recognized the voice, but it wasn't Mor standing beside him, it was just another faceless rebel. A dense fog descended so that he couldn't see Gwyn any longer, and he tried to move towards her, but he was still frozen in place

"You brought her into this," Elain's voice hissed into his other ear. Azriel tried to shake his head, no, he hadn't, had he?

"Your fault," Mor again, "You, you did this, you."

"You cast me aside for her, and led her to this." Elain's voice broke the spell, and he stumbled forwards,

"You." They chanted as one, "You. You brought her here. You took her to danger. You." Azriel recoiled in horror as the fog lifted "You. You killed her." Azriel sobbed at the sight of Gwyn's lifeless body, still lying outside his mother's house, and fell to his knees beside her. She couldn't be dead, she couldn't be. He cradled her against his chest, even as her scent faded, and the smell of death filled the air around him. Azriel was still begging Gwyn to wake up, to come back to him when her face flickered, changing again, Feyre, Cassian, Mor, Rhys, Nesta, Amren, Elain, Mom. He couldn't breathe, he was going to die here with them, he was going to-

Azriel's eyes flew open, and he lurched upwards in the bed, his breathing was normal, his heart was racing, none of it had been real, there she was, still sleeping beside him. Azriel rubbed his eyes, cursing the silent tears that fell at the sight of Gwyn safe and alive. Her eyes flickered open, and she blinked in the darkness,

"Az?"

"It's okay."

"What happened?"

"Bad dream, it's fine, go back to sleep, it's fine." Gwyn sat up, and cupped his face in her hands,

"What?" He cursed those damned tears that started falling again at her concern, at the way she cared, even though he had brought her into danger, he had almost gotten her killed, and a part of him screamed in defiance at that possibility.

"All I've brought you is danger," he whispered,

"And happiness, and training, and my sisters, and the ability to go outside again," Gwyn rambled on and on, a hand on his shoulder the whole time, alarm flashing in her eyes as his breaths became shallower, more rapid, rattling in his chest, but she kept talking. She kept talking, when most people would have left him alone to 'figure it out' as he had always tired to convince them he needed, that he didn't need the worry in Gwyn's eyes, nor the relief when his breathing steadied, but he did, he needed it, needed her. "You know, Nesta told me that Helion has pegasi, she said we should have a race, us on pegasi, against you and Cassian," he smiled, and she continued "I've always wanted wings of my own," she sighed, "I've been staring at the stars my whole life, just wishing to be among them, in their place, high above the world, away from everything, just me and the stars, and the wind, I think it speaks, you know, if you know how to listen to it. Just like you and the shadows, I think there are those who can hear the wind whispering, it must be whispering, the way it rustles past my ears, I just wish I understood it."

Gwyn was still talking when Azriel finally fell back to sleep, his face buried in the crook of her neck, her hand cradling his head against her as she kept talking, about the stars, about the library, about chocolate covered strawberries of all things, but she kept talking.

*****

Gwyn gently stroked Azriel's hair as he slept, never letting go, she was never going to let go, not in a hundred years, a thousand, a million if they had that long. For as long as she could, as long as he wanted her, she was going to make sure he never felt like that again. He was everything she had ever wished for, all rolled up into one person, he wasn't perfect, she knew that. No-one was completely perfect, but that didn't change the fact that he was perfect for her, and she'd be damned if she'd let his fear change that. She'd be damned if she let her own fear change that.

She squashed her fear down, the one thing preventing her from saying the words she had wanted to the moment she had reached him in that dungeon, not now, not when he couldn't hear her. She would find a way to tell him, later, she'd tell him later.

#fanfiction #fanfic #acotar #acosf #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #gwynriel #azriel x gwyn #gwyneth berdara #Gwyn acosf #Gwyn #Azwyn #Azriel

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nestasgalpal · 4 years

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Walk me through it [Nessian fic]

Fixing ACOSF part 5

Masterlist | AO3

Summary: Cassian accompanies Nesta to the cottage in the Mortal Lands where she and her sisters used to live, so she can get closure.

Tagging: @gwynriel @rhaenystargaryn @clolikescloquetas @amelievrstr @t8astr8ng @wanderlustlastsforever @saltydreamcollector @lordlorcan @esrahiba @queenestarcheron @ko0mbayamylord @jemstan300 @nessiantrashh @mothergwyn @poisonus-bloom @loveadora @frosted-crackers @mireillemystique @pataytayo @968sunflower968 @caram267 @jainadurron @darkshadowqueensrule @amphiptree @finae-bookshelf @niytavia @brainlessfruit @dontgetsalmonella @messyhairday-me @sunsummoner @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @wannawriteyouabook @psychoticminx @misswonderflower

N/A: Sorry I erased the comment about Feyre painting the cabin in Illyria but I didn’t get what that had to do with anything lol.

Nesta’s heart thundered as she laid a hand against the cold wooden door. Claw marks still gouged it.

“Tamlin’s handiwork, I take it?” Cassian asked behind her.

Nesta shrugged, unable to find the words. She and Elain had rehung the door after Tamlin had broken it. Their father, his leg wrecked beyond repair and unable to bear weight, had watched them, offering unhelpful advice.

Her fingers curled into a fist and she shouldered the door open. Its rusted hinges objected, creaking, and a dusty, half-rotten scent swarmed her nose. Her cheeks heated. For Cassian to be here, to see this—

“Just a brute, remember?” He stepped to her side. “I’ve lived in far worse. At least you had walls and a roof.”

Nesta hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear those words, and her shoulders loosened as she stepped into the cottage proper. In the chill dimness, broken only by rays of sunlight, she frowned at the ceiling. “This house used to have a roof.” The damage had let in all manner of creatures and weather—the former had made themselves comfortable, judging by the nests and various scattered droppings.

Nesta’s mouth turned dry. This horrible, awful, dark place.

She couldn’t stop her shaking.

Cassian laid a hand on her shoulder. “Walk me through it.”

She couldn’t. Couldn’t find the words.

He pointed to a long worktable. One leg had collapsed, and the whole thing lay at a slant. “You ate here?”

She nodded. They’d eaten here, some meals in silence, some with her and Elain trying to fill the quiet with their idle chatter, some with her and Feyre at each other’s throats. Like those last meals they’d had with her in this house.

Nesta’s stare drifted to the paint flaking off the walls. The intricate little designs. Cassian followed her stare. “Did Feyre paint that?”

Nesta swallowed, and managed to get out, “She painted every chance she got. Any extra coin she managed to save went toward paints.”

Except for that one time she saved enough to get flower seeds for Elain.

Her two sisters had somehow found a way of keeping themselves entertained. Feyre spend every minute she could out of the house. She had to go hunting for food, but even in the summer and the spring, when they had plenty, she made excuses to be away from them. Isaac Hale had been there to help her get distracted, but Nesta knew Feyre didn’t find time for him just for the sex. Feyre had wanted to be far from them, sitting in the meadows, practicing knots or whatever she did when she went away.

She only stayed in the cabin when she had paint. She had found happiness in that —and so had Elain in her little garden.

As much happiness as they could, in a place like this.

But Nesta never did. She had never wanted to.

She had barely wanted to survive.

As if he had felt the air around her shift, Cassian took a step closer, his chest close enough to her back that Nesta could feel the heat he irradiated in the bare skin of her nape. He was there for her, to be a pillar she could lean against if she needed to —to support her.

A calloused hand brushed against hers, the touch so soft and careful, Nesta almost didn’t feel it. He gave her hand a tug, but Nesta didn’t take it. Not yet. Only when she really needed his touch to bear what they were doing in this place, she would take his hand. She would try to do this on her own first.

Cassian aimed for the bedroom. Nesta followed him, and gods, it was so cramped and dark and smelly. The bed was still covered with its stained linens. The three of them had slept here for years.

Cassian ran a hand over the painted dresser, marveling. “Feyre really did paint stars for herself before she knew Rhys was her mate. Before she knew he existed.” His fingers traced the twining vines of flowers on the second drawer. “Elain’s drawer.” They drifted lower, curling over a lick of flame. “And yours.”

Nesta managed a grunt of confirmation, her chest tight to the point of pain. There in the corner sat a pair of worn, half-rotted shoes. Her shoes. One of them was bursting at the toe’s seam. She’d worn those shoes —in public. Could still remember mud and stones creeping in.

She had asked for new ones, and that had leaded them into an argument too. Feyre didn’t understand the shame Nesta felt when she walked around wearing that in her feet —as far as she knew, Feyre didn’t even remember what their life used to be like before that village; she had known nothing else. But Nesta had, and even while they starved, she still refused to let go of the life she had once enjoyed. The silks, the pearls, the luxuries she had been surrounded by when growing up. She hadn't been raised but rather crafted by her mother and tutors to belong in palaces and great halls. No, she had been forged to thrive among dozens of other rich heiresses who shared her same goal. She had become that. And then, her world crumpled down to become this.

There were wholes in the lower parts of the rotten wood panels big enough for a small rodent to get inside the house that hadn't been there while her family inhabited the space. Nesta felt sick in her stomach, just as she had when she came inside the cabin for the first time and realized it was likely to be the place where she died. No castle and no prince awaited in her future.

She had never found a way to explain to Feyre what it was like for her. Nesta was quick with words, fast coming up with the perfect answer to make everyone wary of her, make them stay away. But when it came to opening up and risking showing vulnerability, she realized, she had never learned how to do it.

She could only hide. She could only hurt.

And Feyre never made it easy either. It was so hard for Nesta to talk to her —to anyone, but specially to her little sister. Whenever they clashed against each other, she felt judged by someone who didn't even know her. Every time, Nesta let pride win and burn bridges between them, instead of trying to explain herself to a person who wouldn't even wait and listen before she decided Nesta was too much of a brat to deserve the benefit of the doubt. Feyre never considered that there might have been a reason for her to feel and act the way she did, even if it was not the right path. Because Feyre couldn't come up with any, and fooled by her own pride, thinking herself smarter because she was able to function and Nesta was not, she concluded that there wasn't a reason in the world for Nesta to just let time consume her instead of stepping in.

She hated that, and resented Feyre for years. Because they were the same. Two side of the same coin battling to stay on top once it fell to the ground. For years, Nesta felt like the only way to win, was to make sure Feyre lost.

Every day, it grew bigger —her resentment towards her. For being able to overcome difficulties she could not. Towards their father, who saw his daughters fight one another and starve and didn't get up from his chair once to try... anything. And resentment towards herself. She got carried away by it, every emotion she felt mixing together and forming a ball of anger in her guts that burned so violently that Nesta could no longer tell what was going on.

She saw red all the time, and burned with it. Burned anyone that dared come close.

Lost in her memories of how fighting had been more abundant than food, Nesta almost forgot Cassian was there too. Her eyes had gotten caught up on the torn shoes. They were such a perfect example of how her life used to be —how they had so little, that every single thing could become the reason for a night's worth of arguing... Nesta told him the story.

"Deep down I knew that saving the money was more important, that those boots could last a few more weeks. That would give Feyre time to get more money. But I pushed the logic down and picked the fight regardless" She had hated that those shoes had been a working pair to their new family standards when not so long ago only the finest leather slippers touched her feet.

Nesta looked around the room, to the bed she and her sisters had shared. “That bed in there … I was born in that bed. My mother died in that bed.”

Her mother’s death. She remembered that as well. Too vividly still.

"My father refused to send men into fae territory looking for a cure for her". And just like him, Nesta had refused to help when they lived in the cottage. Had refused to do what she thought was a servant’s work, thinking that death was better than the shame of loosing her status. "I hated him for that."

She had been so mad at him for not even trying, that she thought she ought to do the same thing. If their father didn’t do anything, she would do even less. To her, Feyre had been only collateral damage. She was willing to sacrifice her little sister’s safety for her own. That’s what she had seen others do with her before. It had been so wrong —but Nesta hadn’t realized it until it was too late for all of them.

She hated her younger self, now that there was nothing for her to do. Now that her sisters no longer needed her to step in.

She hated that she had been so wrong, so blind.

She hated that she failed at being smarter than the adults in her life.

She hated how much time and effort she had put into hating her father and not caring about Feyre only for them to be the ones saving her in the end. How was she supposed to find peace, when she had spend years being consumed by the anger his passivity ignited in her, only for him to finally be there to help when she needed him the most? How did everyone expect her to be able to deal with that when she had failed miserably at simpler tasks?

Nesta wanted to forgive her father. To forgive him and be hugged by him. Nesta wanted to finally have by her side the father she had so desperately needed her entire life.

But when he came to her and proved that his love was true and knew no limits —that he only needed a second chance, he was killed before her eyes. How could she forgive him now, when he had died before she got a chance to let him know that she understood. That she had done the same thing to others, and she understood. She knew. And she was willing to give him the second chance he wanted to do everything again, but this time right.

Her heart thundered, and she walked out of the room, back into the main space. She didn’t mean to, but she looked toward the dark fireplace. Toward the mantel.

Her father’s wood figurines lay atop it, thickly coated with dust and cobwebs. Some had been knocked over, presumably by whatever creatures now lived here.

That familiar roaring filled her ears, and Nesta’s steps thudded too loudly on the dusty floorboards as she approached the fireplace. A carving of a rearing bear —no bigger than her fist —sat in the center. Nesta’s fingers shook as she picked it up and blew off the dust.

“He had some skill,” Cassian said quietly.

“Not enough,” Nesta said, setting the bear back onto the stone mantel. She was going to vomit.

No. She could master this. Master herself. And face what lay before her. Only then she would be able to face what she had left behind —her past.

She inhaled through her nose. Exhaled through her mouth. Counted the breaths.

Cassian stood beside her through all of it. Not speaking, not touching. Just there, should she need him. Her friend —whom she’d asked to come here with her not because he was sharing her bed, but because she wanted him here. His steadiness and kindness and understanding.

She plucked another figurine from the mantel: a rose carved from a dark sort of wood. She held it in her palm, its solid weight surprising, and traced a finger over one of the petals. “He made this one for Elain. Since it was winter and she missed the flowers.”

“Did he ever make any for you?”

“He knew better than to do that.” She inhaled a shuddering breath, held it, released it. Let her mind calm. “I think he would have, if I’d given him the smallest bit of encouragement, but … I never did. I was too angry.”

She finally voiced it —Why she had behaved like that for so many years. Cassian probably knew already, but she had needed to let it out. She had been angry. She had felt abandoned. She didn’t know what to do to keep floating against the current like her sisters did with her hobbies and new-found friends in the village.

Nesta only felt anger at everyone and everything.

“You’d had your life overturned. You were allowed to be angry.”

“That’s not what you told me the first time we met.” She pivoted to find him arching a brow. She could go back and picture that day. He was a giant in her hall, tall even among the rest of the fae Feyre had brought with her. A dormant part of her human conscience, an instinct, reminded her how dangerous his kind was. But she had never felt intimidated. Not by him. Not really.

Just a worthy opponent.

“You told me I was a piece of shit for letting my younger sister go into the woods to hunt while I did nothing.”

“I didn’t say it like that.”

“Yes, you did.”

Cassian’s gaze pierced through her. She squared her shoulders, turning to the small, broken cot in the shadows beyond the fireplace, thinking he wouldn’t reply.

“Can I still take that back?” Cassian was halted where she left him. The space was not big enough for them to be far from each other, but it certainly felt like it. A chill breeze came through a chink in the wall behind her, fluttering the bottom of her cloak and finding there the bare skin of her ankles.

Would you forgive me? He was asking. Or maybe not. Maybe he simply wanted her to pretend his words had never left his lips. Can we pretend it didn’t happen? She only had to turn around and face his burning gaze to know, but she didn’t.

Yes, Nesta wanted to tell him. Please, go back and never open my eyes to make me see what I did to my sister. Don’t let the truth of my actions ever get to me.

Nesta had always been aware of everything surrounding her, always known who she could trust, who was a tool for her to use, what buttons to push to get what she wanted from others.

She had always known, she had always seen.

Now, standing in the space where she spent some of the worst years of her life, a period of time full of hunger, cold, screaming and resentment that still hunted her, Nesta would beg on her knees for a chance to be oblivious for the first time in her life —To not see. To not feel.

“Why would you want to?” She asked instead.

Cassian didn’t come closer. Nesta wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. Standing here, in this ramshackle space where she still had to control her breath so she didn’t break down and become a crying mess, Nesta didn’t know if she was actually ready to discuss that.

To come back to face her ghosts was hard enough.

Nesta found a spot in the half rotted wood wall in front of her and locked her eyes there, not blinking, holding the tears that wanted to form in her eyes. She wasn’t ready to remember what had happened shortly after Cassian came into her house asking for her help. Her life was already almost too much for her to handle before Tamlin took Feyre, and that’s what they were trying to get closure for today. Not what had happened next, when the Inner Circle of the Night Court entered her life.

The thought threatened to make her breath erratic again, but Nesta remembered the exercices Gwyn had found for them and kept it under control. She mastered it and reminded herself why were here. Nesta forced herself to breath. Her lungs didn’t cooperate. Her mouth dry. She inhaled slowly and then exhaled the cold air. Once. Twice.

“Because I feel like that first meeting shaped everything else after, and I don't like what it did with it."

"It did nothing." It hadn't been that first encounter what had led her into the mess she was, nor had it anything to do with her choices back when they lived in this cabin that felt smaller and smaller with each of Cassian's words. She didn't want him to make excuses for her, she should have done more, and that was a fact she had already accepted.

"No, I did. I said that to you, and then the rest followed me."

"What does that have to do with this?" she vaguely waved her hands at the surrounding space. The room that had once been her house.

"Everything." he answered "Feyre wanted a peaceful meeting, you know? She wanted to do the talking, and for us to behave, and I couldn't hold my tongue. I fucked up, and only lately I've realized the damage my words actually caused.”

In the quietude of the room, his voice was a thunder. Nesta turned to face him and finally met his eyes, that were screaming for a chance to explain. But explain what? She already knew what she had to make up for, and didn't see what Cassian or the people who accompanied Feyre back to the Mortal Lands had to do with her past.

“I only thought of you as an extension of your sister.” She was curious to know when that had changed for him. She remembered the exact second the illyrian Commander had stopped being just her sister’s friend to her, earning a place of his own in her heart “I heard Feyre’s story, felt her suffering, and forgot you were a person too. You were entitled to your fears and to make mistakes as we all are, and I had no right to call you out there, when I knew close to nothing about you, and who you were. I didn't see that you had been a kid too, and your family's wellbeing wasn't just your responsibility, just as it wasn't Feyre's. I had no right to get involved in that unresolved issue between you, and I feel like when I did... I kind of gave everyone permission to do the same, and feel entitled to an opinion that weights as much as Feyre's and yours do in the matter. If I could go back…”

“You can’t” Nesta cut in. She wouldn’t let him, because if she wasn’t allowed to, then none of them would. It wasn’t fair.

Cassian still didn’t move, his presence painfully obvious. Cassian didn’t miss the shaking of her hands, but said nothing about it. She tried to put some of her usual icy rage in her eyes, but couldn’t. She tried to hide the excruciating pressure in her chest, the ache in her heart, but couldn’t either.

“I know you blame yourself for not being a caretaker and provider for your sisters, Nes” he started again when she didn’t go on “I know you already blamed yourself before we met, and I know I... we only made it worse, pushing you down thinking we were being good friends to Feyre. We actually hurt both of you in the end. I can’t speak for my friends, but I can speak for myself and tell you how sorry I am for not seeing that sooner. For not seeing you. And for making this" he looked rround towards the cot, the dinning table and the room they had just been into "worse than it already was.” The floor creaked under his weight when he took a step towards her, next to the cob. “You were barely older than she was, it wouldn’t have made a difference if it had been you in the woods. The three of you were too young to take that role”.

Then whose was it? His father? That's what she had thought for most of her life, but now... what about his leg? The pain he endured just by walking outside? She was the oldest, she should have done more, and she knew that. She didn't want them —Feyre— to just forgive her and pretend it had never happened. Because if she had done something more back then, then their live would be different now, for better or worse. She didn't want people to pitty her, and to tell her that she was an innocent and blameless soul.

"Why can't you just let me take accountability?"

"To take accountability is good, and I'm glad you are ready to do so, because you have to, in order to move on." He took her face in his hands taking one last step closer, their bodies almost touching “But I think we've let you think everything that happened to your sisters could have been avoided if you had been the one carrying the bow, and that's simply not true.” His thumb brushed over her cheek “What no one told you, Nesta, is that surviving is not only about getting food and water, or even a roof. I would know about that.” He chuckled softly, trying to lighten up the atmosphere around them in the dimness of the room ” Feyre is a great huntress, she didn’t need you carrying the bow and shooting the arrows.” Nesta would have died on her first winter hunting, both of them knew that. “You were needed as an older sister, and that doesn't equal being a provider for your family. She needed your support and care when she came back from a long day looking for food. A family.”

Enough tears to make a new sea had been shed by both her and Feyre in her art studio not so long ago. Feyre had asked for that exaclty: an older sister who had her back. And Nesta had promised she would try.

Nesta didn’t really know how to use or control her powers, and Feyre had surrounded herself with fae strong enough to never need Nesta to save her again.

But Cassian was right. That was not what Nesta could offer her little sister anyway, and that was not what Feyre needed from her either. That was not what she had ever wanted from her father, either. In the end, it all came to the four of them failing at being a family.

Feyre needed had needed that as much as Nesta did.

She was ready to be that from now on.

When she didn’t answer, Cassian stayed quiet, allowing her once again to get lost in her thoughts as long as she needed to, but wary at the same time, in case she drifted back to the dark ideas that so frequently starred in her nightmares.

Nesta freed herself from his grip and went back to the cot, running a hand over its cracking wood frame. Splinters snagged at her fingertips.

Her father’s body crawled up on the chair, the small fire burning until late at night so he wouldn’t freeze under the shabby blanket he used to keep himself warm… Nesta could picture it clearly when she looked at the cot again. “He’d drag it in front of the fire every night and curl up there, huddling under the blankets. I always thought he looked so … so weak. Like a cowering animal. It enraged me.”

That was the issue, the whole point of coming to the cabin. Her soul needed to face this chapter of her life like her lungs needed the air she breathed to keep her body alive. Nesta had to find a way to cope with the matted of feelings, nightmares and emotions —with the contradictions that formed in her heart.

It was always about him in the end. Her father. Their relationship.

She wanted to forgive him. She was sure of that. But there was still so much anger, such immense feeling of abandonment inside her that hadn’t been cured in time. He had been there for her in the end, and somehow that was even worse, because now she couldn’t even despise him for his cowardice. He died for her before he could face the consequences of his decisions, as she was trying to do now. He died, leaving his daughter with even more guilt inside. Because now she finally knew he did love her enough to get up from his chair and try anything, but was gone before she got a chance to do anything with that.

Her father had finally done what she needed from him, and she couldn’t even thank him. Tell him that she forgave him and ask him to forgive her back for all the times she picked on him. Tell him that she loved him, that she was grateful and his effort had been worth it.

“It …” Her throat worked. “I thought him sleeping here was a fitting punishment while we got the bed. It never occurred to me that he wanted us to have the bed, to keep warm and be as comfortable as we could. That we’d only been able to take a few items of furniture from our former home and he’d chosen that bed as one of them. For our comfort. So we didn’t have to sleep on cots, or on the floor.” She rubbed at her chest. “I wouldn’t even let him sleep in the bed when the debtors shattered his leg. I was so lost in my grief and rage and… and sorrow, that I wanted him to feel a fraction of what I did.” Her stomach churned.

He squeezed her shoulder, but said nothing. Nesta didn’t talk for a moment, and Cassian put an arm around her to press her body against his, hugging her without a word. The warmth from his chest felt almost too good. She needed it, and also the calmness of his heartbeat.

“He had to have known that,” she said hoarsely. “He had to have known how awful I was, and yet … he never yelled. That enraged me, too. And then he named a ship after me. Sailed it into battle. I just … I don’t understand why.”

“You were his daughter.”

“And that’s an explanation?” She rose her chin to look at him and scanned his face, the sadness etched there. Sadness —for her. For the ache in her chest and the stinging in her eyes.

“Love is complicated. But he loved you.”

“I can’t for the life of me understand why.” she answered.

Nesta didn’t even have to think the words, they came out of her mouth before she even realized what she had said.

Cassian had told her that once last year —that he couldn’t understand why her sisters loved her. That simple sentence, said by him so casually in the middle of the street, followed her home and helped her already overwhelming self-loathing bring her even lower. Nesta had often wanted to know if he went over his words as frequently as she did after that night and the following months. She wondered if the confession he had made hunted him too.

Nesta had come to the conclusion that it didn’t torment him one bit the moment he came to her apartment to pick her up and take her to Feyre’s new mansion by the river. She was convinced at that moment that he actually couldn’t come up with a single reason why Feyre and Elain still wasted their time on her.

Yet he was here, so she wasn't alone whilst facing her past. He was by her side now, not giving up on her no matter how badly she screwed up.

Cassian opened his mouth to say something, but whatever he was about to say, she didn't want to hear it now. It didn’t matter how he felt back then, she only cared about the present. And he was by her side. He was being a friend, apologizing for things he regretted that Nesta herself hadn't even consider, but somehow made sense.

She forgave him. Because she knew what it was like to crack under pressure and be hurtful towards people you care about when you don’t know how to help them and become desperate.

And Cassian somehow could read through her too, as he closed his mouth, his lips pressed tight.

Both of them let the unspoken words float between them, saying nothing, only looking at each other. Nesta was not perfect and he wasn’t either —there was no need to be perfect. Not right now. There were so many things they had yet to find the courage to discuss, that Nesta didn’t care. Looking into his hazel eyes, Nesta found the reassurance she needed that they would talk about it, with time, and that was enough.

They would talk about every unsaid thing between them.

They had all the time in the world.

The forgoten room reappeared around them at some point, as if they had been somewhere else when they got lost into each other’s eyes.

She studied the calluses already building across her fingers and palms. She made herself meet Cassian’s gaze again. “I didn’t just fail Feyre by letting her go into the woods. There were plenty of other times. I feel guilty.” Nesta said the words aloud for the first time. It was a clear feeling, as much as she hated it. She had finally found the one comprehensible spot in the mess that was her heart. Using that, she could pull the thread until she untangled the whole thing. It would take time, but it was a first step. Maybe there was hope for her after all.

Guilt. She felt guilt. She would work on that.

“Have you ever told her this?”

Nesta snorted. “No. I don’t know how.” That was still a problem.

He studied her, and she resisted the urge to squirm under the scrutiny. “You’ll learn how. When you’re ready.”

“How very wise of you.”

Cassian sketched a bow.

Despite this house, the history all around her, Nesta smiled. She pocketed the carved rose. “I’ve seen enough.”

He arched a brow. “Really?”

She clenched the wooden rose in her pocket. “I think I just needed to see this place. One last time. To know we got out. That there’s nothing left here except dust and bad memories.”

He slid an arm around her waist as they walked for the door, again surveying all the little paintings Feyre had squeezed into the cottage. “Az won’t be back for a little while. Let’s go flying.”

“What about the humans?” They’d run screaming in terror.

Cassian gave her a wicked smile, opening that half-broken door for her. Leading her into the sunlight and clean air. “It’ll add a little spice to their days.”

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