#Anyway. I've been doing this playthrough for a bit

[darth-bagel]

—Jedi Tivan'n, Jedi Tivan'n, Jedi Tivan'n—

[ilkkawhat]

[pickaropoprocks]

Day 37!! The World Ends with You!!

Based on the "Fusion" mechanic of partner sync from the first game

[account-name]

the struggle of being a phone guy fan but not knowing anything about dsaf or dialtown

[crest-of-gautier]

pq posting before i go to bed! a shorter session (3 hours) but it was nice and i'm happy to say that i finished you in wonderland!

THIS WAS SO FUNNY... honestly i don't think i give enough credit to akihiko and mitsuru's dynamic they're literally so good i really enjoy how well they know each other but also they're like.. a constant in each other's life and i do enjoy their interactions a lot even if i never vocalize it...

wow yosuke, who would've thought that you two are partners, this guy literally introduced himself as your wife /s (i kinda regret naming souji yosuke wifey but im glad i wrote the y in lowercase bc otherwise i wouldn't be able to tell their dialogue apart 💀

and finally, yosuke <3

some more elaborate thoughts (aka speculation) under the cut because i learned my lesson from last time

ok unfortunately i can't say that im going to go AS INSANE as i did last time when i was spitballing in the tags for the second pq posting just because i feel like i aired out most of my "AAAA WHO IS ZEN AND REI??" there but.

i do have to say that i'm very glad i'm at the point where p3 and p4's casts are able to interact! i can't tell if it's because the writing feels like it shines a little bit better here rather than the solo casts (sometimes i roll my eyes at how junpei and akihiko are with some of the traits the writers play up), or if it's because i'm a guy who's very endeared by crossovers and interactions from characters who didn't exist in the original source material.

i had a lot of times where i was writing things down in my notes software during the crossover segments and im just?? really endeared and creatively inspired by it, to be honest. i really like this aspect of pq.

i think something that catches my interest with zen and rei at the moment is the difference in how they're.. regaining their memories. like... it's interesting to me that zen is able to get some of his memories back from the stuffed rabbit marked with "niko," but rei doesn't. i don't really know how much i can speculate off of this atm (i feel like this is something i'd get more info on when i progress through the second labyrinth, or it's something i'm missing out on because i can't use intertextuality to piece things together. i dont know shit about alice in wonderland.)

like it does make me think that maybe these two are like.. separate entities in that respect (rather than a shared one? but i could be wrong, and i welcome that!). but also there's something that makes my brain go "AAA" about how adamant zen is about wanting to protect rei despite not having any memories, because my brains like "WELL WHAT IF ZEN'S TRUE IDENTITIES AND MEMORIES ARE ACTUALLY THE OPPOSITE, AND DON'T WANT GOOD THINGS FOR REI." poorly phrased but like, it's about the irony, y'know.

i have no fucking clue what rei is supposed to be if we're going under the notion that they're two different things that have lost their memory (she is so head empty only food and its precious tbh). but like my brain just thinks that zen is just... going to end up being some awful incarnation or something like idk. there's something about persona characters with amnesia that make me raise my eyebrow... like just look at ryoji and marie and teddie...

and i guess as another thought on the matter, the way zen and rei work mechanically speaking does make me ponder a bit because like.. obviously, yeah, they can't equip a subpersona because they're... GESTURES. not persona users but FUCK, the way zen and rei have very distinct skillsets just make me wonder if those can allude to what they symbolize. like zen's skills are much more.. destructive and im just like (AIGIS VOICE) "YOU ARE DANGEROUS."

anyways. i am very much invested in the identities of zen and rei but i am also glad that the crossover stuff is here too because i think the sillies will keep me inspired... and also im just happy to see yosuke... i really like yosuke even if i forget that i do a lot of the time..

last thought, after seeing souji talk and move, i think i'd definitely want to look into p4 side... because um. 🥴 i'm really simple guy. i need more minato in my life. (everyone rolls their eyes. i'm predictable!) i want to see minato move and talk. i want to think about him. he's my boyfriend. he's my wife. he's my universe. im being so cringe about him but I DONT THINK THIS IS A SURPRISE TO ANYONE... i like him a lot (NO SHIT, LIZZ). but!!! idk if this'll be something that i watch or play, it depends on what the NG+ functionality in this game is like...

anyway gn!! thanks for reading my delusions im very much enjoying this game and im happy to be playin git.

[arolesbianism]

Finally got around to doing tiphereth core suppression and I got to remember why I put it off for so long holy shit it's so boringggggggg

[meanbossart]

im so curious-- how well does DUDrow get on with the other companions? I've only seen your art and going off that I feel like: he gets along with Shadowheart, Gale I think he borderline cant stand, and Wyll/Lae'zel/Karlach I have no idea how he'd feel about them but id love to know!

So, funfact, because I was not familiar with these kinds of games at the time I played BG3, I practically stuck with the same exact party the entire playthrough. I distinctly remember swapping Wyll in for Astarion once at the end of act 2 because I thought he NEEDED to be there to find Mizora, and I replaced Gale with Karlach when I went to kill Gortash. Otherwise... It was pretty much always just DU drow, Shadowheart, Astarion and Gale. I did this because they were the characters I liked most, so I wanted to see all they had to offer.

Anyways, I mention this because it reflects how DU drow related to everyone - which is to say that he didn't. He picked his favorites (two because he liked them, one because he has fireball) and didn't get particularly close to anyone else.

BUT, there were definitely notable dynamics!

Lae'zel: She's dead. He killed her night 3 or something. Before that he thought her annoyingly demanding and over the top. I don't think DU drow even remembers her by the end of the game.

Gale: Just to add to your original observation, Gale and DU drow have a little bit of history. Gale tries, for about half of the campaign, to pursue him romantically. DU drow keeps turning him down and is either misinterpreted or ignored, and by the time Gale does give up on him their relationship has completely soured to the point where they are constantly shooting daggers at each other. (this reflects a romance bug I got in my first run, except I didn't realize it was a bug. Either way I think its more interesting storytelling than the intended experience.)

Wyll: DU drow was profoundly frustrated by Wyll every step of the way. He found him to be incredibly naive and a bit delusional in his pursuit for heroism, and could never relate to Wyll's perspective or choices - the few he made for himself, at least. They definitely had the least in common and DU drow avoided interacting with him most of the time.

Halsin: He didn't care for Halsin much. He was vaguely helpful but by the time they got to the shadow-cursed lands DU drow had the impression he'd only been dragged here to help him clear his conscience, which he didn't appreciate. Also, he couldn't bear to have someone in camp be taller than himself. Halsin was left behind in Act 2.

Jaheira: DU drow fucking loves Jaheira. They bickered and borderline insulted each other and had a great time doing it. He can respect anyone who will call him a monster, threaten to murder him in his sleep, and make light fun at him the next day. It helps that she's hot, also.

Minsc: Weird hamster man. Ocasionally rendered him speechless. Puzzling human being.

Karlach: He didn't get Karlach, but he was often amused by her and curious enough to want to hear what she had to say. There was a similar issue here as Wyll's where he just couldn't relate to her enough to have much to discuss, but Karlach at least had an edge to her that made her far better company. They got along pretty well when the topic wasn't serious, but when it came to the problems she actually faced their perspectives shifted significantly. DU drow thought everything could be fixed, that accepting her own demise was a cowardly thing to do - and as they approached the end, and she asked him if he would stay with her when she died, he thought she was weak. I don't know if he ever discusses it with anyone, but he feels guilty about her death to this day and sees it as personal failure.

[starlight-tav]

Loving Astarion, for me, is an act of self-compassion. Maybe it's different for others who play BG3, but every time I have built a relationship with Astarion, it has been both intentional and a challenge. I've had to commit to loving him, to learning him, to balancing what is good for me with what is good for him.

Astarion is desperately hungry for safety. But he doesn't know what safety looks and feels like; it's an unfamiliar animal that seems hostile to him. If you are set on goodness for your playthrough, you have to be creative and sometimes underhanded in your efforts to be kind and merciful. Otherwise, he'll never trust you.

It is a commitment to figure out all of the ways that you can create safety and show him kindness in ways that he'll accept. I'm struggling to phrase it correctly, but it's so, so important to me that the more he trusts you, the harder it should be to love him, because that's when you learn about the harm he's caused and how little remorse he has for it. But instead, it gets easier to love him. You no longer need to disguise your kindness around him.

What's more, he no longer disguises his--at least, not as often. He even shows a bit of mercy.

If you choose to persuade him not to ascend, he thanks you for it. Not because you saved him, but because you were his mirror, showing him that he was always more than what his abuser made him. Even knowing he's done horrible things, you love him.

That's something that I desperately needed to see, to experience. Loving him through his pain and hunger and villainy helped me accept those parts of myself as well.

I'm so grateful to Larian and Neil Newbon for this character. He can be a real pain in the ass at times. But he's worth the effort. I love building a relationship with him and watching him learn who he is and who he can be. Is it a perfect experience? No. But I'm so thankful for it.

I don't know why, but I feel the need to apologize for the ramble. I'm sitting at work and just thinking about Astarion. I'm not doing all that well in my head recently, but I'm clinging to the things that matter to me. Anyway, you can ignore me.

[wishfulsketching]

What a year, huh.

I'm not going to talk about how everything is going to shit in the real world, that's not what this post is about.

I can remember that before Gotham, I had a bit of trouble trying to get inspired about art. I did end up doing a lot of original art due to that, tho. Gotham was the nice return to a hyperfixation that got me back to creating, which felt like a saving grace tbh. I draw A LOT, you may have noticed. I thank my ADHD for that. So, when I'm unable draw I do struggle spending my time in any meaningful way.

I also started reading again this year. Murderbot Diaries got me by the throat, I love those books so much. I've also liked T. Kingfisher's books so far, haven't read that many yet, tho. I also read in english, not the translated versions, so it's a nice way to "use" my english skills.

I finally started needle felting this Christmas! I've been meaning to do it for yearsss. Bunnydog was my ever first attempt, Slowpoke was my second.

Arcane season 2. Woohee, I had totally forgotten when it was going to drop! It was a good thing tho, I was saved from a lot of painful waiting around, hah. I might've chickened out of the Zaundads fandom back in the day but it's so much more chill now. Well, kind of. I do see people complain a bit in the tags. Plus I bet it's a lot worse in other sites. ANYWAY!

I feel like that in this short time after season 2, I've gotten better at art and got my groove fully back. I am so grateful for people who just keep being so nice and support me here adsfsdfo! I said it back in 2021/2022 I think but I'll say it again: zaundads fandom has been one of the nicest fandom I've been part of. (I have to mention tho, so is riddlebird fandom)

I'm still a bit overwhelmed with all the attention I'm getting, I admit, but I am also so happy I get to share my unhinged love for this stupid little man.

My next year will start with job hunting and balancing my mental health (I've been "in recovery" for years, it's gonna be a adjustment to start working. I am still very much struggling but not as much so I have to find a job that doesn't kill me in a month lol).I've also made one new years resolution which is that I will more actively display and live my preferred identity and not just go "eh whatever, I know how I actually feel like so". Not gonna be easy because I get embarrassed about everything and will want to backpedal so hard at the start but uhhh...I'll try not to? Eh.

Yea. So a lot of new things for the next year and I already feel tired. But hopeful!

I'll end this post by randomly sharing my fave CJU gameplays because his gameplay vids always help me to relax:

I couldn't find the playlist so here's PART 2 and PART 3. I really love the story in this one.

A game I expected nothing from and now rewatch this playthrough ever so often. PLAYLIST

Love the game, love the commentary, love the vibes! PLAYLIST

[felassan]

Some snippets from DA dev Luke Barrett on the unofficial BioWare forum, cut for length:

DA:I -

User: "I am still convinced that Bioware cut the healing spells and went with barriers instead because of the Multiplayer." Luke Barrett: I can't speak to any other games directly but I can give a bit of historic context for DAI. The game was initially a more dungeon/linear delving - see how far you can get - experience and there was no barrier of any kind. As a side note: healing has always been a hot topic in design because as soon as you include it there are many other conceits you now need take into consideration for the gameplay - one of which I will call 'the Anders problem'. Anyway, as DAI got the date moved and shifted more into the pseudo-openworld the concept of attrition (see how far you can get before having to return to camp) became less relevant and we needed to help the Players have more moment-to-moment agency around their survival. Unfortunately for various reasons (one of which is the sad reality of designing a game with a shifting timeline) the healing couldn't be re-added so we ended up with more of a mitigation strategy in the barrier system. It went through a lot of iterations but eventually landed on what it shipped with which I would call... acceptable (but just barely). Now, I will concede that a part of the reason it didn't return after that shift was an aversion to holy trinity gameplay specifically for MP but it wasn't the core reason. As a side story, trying to balance the game (as that was my job on DAI - and yes, it could be much better haha) we had to all but force Players to take barrier. It is intentionally the first skill in the first tree for the Mage and all the autolevel (I also handled that) is designed to get it right away." [source]

User: "Merry Christmas Luke! Sooo what was the hardest class you had to balance? [DA:I]" Luke Barrett: "I feel like anyone who was around for the post-launch content will already know the answer to this as it was the bane of my existence when I got put exclusively on MP after launch but the Knight-Enchanter barrier absorbing was a pain. Stuff like that is very challenging to feel good without being broken as they are relative to damage so scaling is fairly open-ended. Too little and the casual players won't get use out of it, too much and the character builders will be wildly OP. We actually had a 'no nerfing' guideline for the SP side so it was a hard battle to fix that silly thing 🙃." [source]

"As a fun fact, I did all the logic for autolevel on DAI and the guideline I was given was literally "make functional builds, but don't make something optimal that you'd play"." [source]

DA:TV -

User: "If you can, say thanks to the people making the no die option possible." Luke Barrett: "Done! My team handles this stuff so I let them know 😊" [source]

"Comically, I designed the majority of the items and skills and I am still finding it fun making awesome builds (been almost entirely doing playthroughs lately" [source]

"Was really important to the team that everyone could play the way that felt best to them." [source]

"Each specialization has a focus around a few specific mechanics, some of which are the weapons or damage types but you can go off script and make it work for sure (this was intentional in the designs)." [source]

"I designed all the skills and so they're each enjoyable to me to some extent. I have been playing through the game over and over the last couple months for balance purposes so I've played them all fairly extensively." [source]

User: "Necrotic sounds like it could be either Spirit or Nature." User: "For Rogue, it replace "poison". For Mage, it replace spirit (Spirit bomb). For Warrior, it's more spirit (especially Reaper), but some skills could work as poison too. So basically they merged spirit and nature." Luke Barrett: "Thats pretty close to spot on. They were actually heavily iterated on throughout development - I can't (at least currently) go into specifics as to why though." [source]

"the target for the progression vision is that you can make a viable build out of almost** any aspect of the gameplay." [source]

"As for timelines, We started DA4 in October of 2015 roughly. The entire team was moved to MEA for about 3-4 months to help it ship and I also spent all of 3 weeks helping out on Anthem. But otherwise I've been on some incarnation of DA4 for about 9 years now - pretty ready for it to release 😅." [source]

"yes, years of working on the same thing can cause some burnout but I've played through the full game probably about 8 times in the last few months and it's still fun (though some of the specific levels that haven't changed in a long time I've done 50+ times easily and I could do without ever seeing them again 😂)." [source]

User: "I do kind of feel that at this point the DA team has put so much work into creating and improving their tools and learning the ins and outs of Frostbite [...] But who knows what the devs in the trenches really feel" Luke Barrett: "I will say it does some things very well and some things poorly, relative to other engines. Personally I really enjoy Frostbite but I've been using it since 2012. In an ideal world, many engines would be viable and developers would make games suited to the strengths of a specific engine." [source]

User: "Since this game is much more stat heavy than prior titles, specifically when it comes to skills and gear, there's likely a need for some balance changes to be made post-launch. Does the game being playable completely offline hinder the data capture side for your team (in terms of analytics), or is this a non-factor?" Luke Barrett: "Generally speaking, most people leave data analytics on so we get more than enough data coming in. Additionally, I'll personally be watching several channels for things that are underperforming (relatively speaking) and not have to nerf anything. The rpg side is vast though and I'm sure people will find OP combinations/synergies that might need 'adjustments' but as long as it's fun and not an "I win" button that trivializes combat I'm pretty cool with it." [source]

Luke Barrett: "I can safely say there are many builds for each class that will feel very powerful if you're not on the highest difficulty 😉. What I'm really excited for is when the guides comes out that show people the fastest way to get some of the uniques that unlock 'special' gameplay 😊. Let's just say I love the feeling of rushing to Patches in DS1 and kicking him off the bridge for the Crescent Axe (iykyk)." [source] User: "Speaking of guides. Will there be a guidebook like there was for DAI? " Luke Barrett: "Not that I'm aware of but I'm happy to help feed info to somewhere like fextralife or the dragon age wiki after a week or so to help with those pursuits. Have to leave some time for exploration and discovery before the optimizers streamline the experience 😉" [source]

"Effectively, at least until the game launches (and likely a week or so after), you won't get anything interesting out of any of the devs save Mike Gamble or John Epler. Longer term I hope to be very active, at least for build mechanics and all the combat/rpg nuts and bolts conversations." [source]

"I started "da4" in October 2015 and so after 9 years of effort (minus 3 months on Andromeda) I'm quite excited for tomorrow and the launch week. I don't know if I'd say nervous, I feel pretty confident in the product, but definitely that eager kid before Christmas feeling 😊" [source]

"As the person who did all the balance, I will say that if you are comprehending how to make a cohesive build and understand the combat mechanics, you should play on Underdog. One of the downsides to having a lot of power growth vectors is the difference between people who engage vs those that don't becomes a chasm quite quickly. If you start blowing enemies up rapidly, turn up the difficulty (or play on nightmare where that will not be the case) - basically if it ever feels super easy or like enemies are health sponges you're probably on the wrong setting for your skill level. The custom difficulty settings are there to make the gameplay enjoyable (for whatever that means to you)." [source]

"As a tip from me, the balance is subtly tipped in the players favor until the last fight of the 3rd combat mission. Be warned if it's feeling too easy you may want to wait until after that to decide." [source]

[on DA MP] Luke Barrett: "It was actually pretty fun but very much not what most people wanted us to make (including internally). Also we had, let's say, limited staff who had a passion and background in MP so it was definitely the right call to go SP only. Now, it would have been nice had we just started that way but so it goes sometimes." [source] User: "You still play it yourself from time to time (DA MP), or have you left it be?" Luke Barrett: "After playing variations of DA4 for so many years (9!!!) it's hard to go back to anything with DAI controls/gameplay speed. Even the initial Joplin prototypes I was doing were much more snappy/twitchy - for everything good about DAI the combat was definitely in the middle of two different styles." [source]

[on aiming bows] "we actually used to have separate buttons for ADS and ranged attack but it was wildly overloading the controller. These RPG games need controllers with at least 2 more buttons (fingers crossed for the next gen)" [source]

User: "After the last few games, I'm really surprised by the current skill... tree?" Luke Barrett: "I call it a skill graph - aside from the beginning where you have 3 choices the entirety of it is 2 choice splits and it'll essentially make a build for you. Just go a little at a time and aim for whatever specialization seems most fun to you 😄" [source]

"Loot is not random so theoretically guides with drop locations should appear pretty soon." [source]

"Yep, Spellblade is the only spec that directly impacts fire damage but you can get benefits from most of them and still go fire. As for the specs, yes it would have been nice to support all of them but just wasn't in scope unfortunately. Mage has Mourn-Watch, Shadow Dragons, and Antivan Crows specializations - only the Rogue has a Veiljumper one. Deathcaller left side you can go beam based and use a Fire weapon. Evoker you'd likely need to do a hybrid ice/fire build." [source]

User: "Bit of a side question, but for those who intend to make more characters, is BioWare considering upping the amount of playable character slots you can have (currently at 3)? Or is there a hardware restriction here given the game is offline playable?" Luke Barrett: "Don't quote me as I don't handle the technical side of this but my understanding is we have to allocate a specific amount of HD space on the consoles so we basically have to pick a limit, relative to our save file sizes, and then divide that by number of careers. I'll inquire if this is something we can increase with an optional download or something but I suspect consoles are stuck that way, unfortunately." [source]

[on Patch 1] "It's been awhile since I actually did the content for this patch so I'd have to check but I have a pretty anti-nerf policy for SP games. I know I fixed up a couple enemies that weren't as hard as they were supposed to be and definitely boosted a bunch of synergistic things though. I'll take a look tomorrow but for those that don't know, the turnaround time on these things is about a month of it's not an emergency due to certification process with consoles. Longer term my goal is to keep an eye in telemetry of any underused abilities and items (or enemies with too many kills under their belt) and audit them just to double check if they need a boost or if people just haven't figured them out yet 😉." [source]

"The equippable items are all predetermined with a minor exception*. Some items are class specific (all the weapons, a small amount of armors and accessories, 2 runes) so when you play a different class you'll see your classes 'version' of that item. Things that are random (from a table/pool) are valuables. Exception: Near the very end of the game we do a few checks on what equipment you haven't acquired. A bunch of those final drops, and inventory on the final merchant, simply find stuff you don't have and give it to you. That's basically the only major RNG we have with loot. If you notice even 99% of the skills and item mods employ an effect after a condition is met X times rather than a more traditional 'proc chance'." [source]

[on modding] "Once this starts to pick up, feel free to PM me if anyone needs help 'finding' assets or has questions about how one might mod something. We don't officially support mods buuuuut we don't have any kind of anti-modding stance either" [source]

"To give the high level gist of the resource economy: - each class starts off with minimal ability usage, this is intentional to force people to learn the other combat mechanics as they're a necessary skill and it's easy to lean on a crutch like ability spam and kiting - abilities are designed to feel powerful on use, thus they all have a decent cost and can't be spammed* - weapon attacks generate your resource - in the bottom right of the center skills area is a node to make each class's resource easier to manage - halfway down all starting segments (N, SW, SE) there is always a node that boosts generation - there are +max nodes on all sides of the skill graph for each class, this is particularly important for the Mage as they start each fight at max - each class can build into being ability focused but starts intentionally rounded - loastly, the first ability is always a resource spender and 1 or 2 of the next available ones will be cooldown gated. It is recommended to have at least one cooldown based ability slotted" [source]

"So loosely the rogue momentum works like this: - each ability costs 50 momentum - hitting enemies generates ~2 momentum per hit (base), you get extra for bow weakpoints - when you are directly hit, you lose 15% of your current momentum, this means the more you hold the more you will lose (this loss has a small cooldown so you don't lose a whole bar when you get hit rapidly) - momentum carries forward between combats (compared to warrior rage which decays when out of combat) If youre having issues, make sure you get that skill in the middle section that reduces momentum loss when hit. As a helpful tip, the Quicken buff generates small amounts of momentum each second so it's a good way to get more if you're having issues." [source]

"I highly recommend using the belt that grants Quicken early game until you can generate momentum faster yourself. And yes, the time dilation affects everything in the world except the Player so all your buffs and things still tick at normal speed" [source]

User: "If I knock an enemy off an edge, if they were supposed to drop something will it appear on the edge, or is it lost for good?" Luke Barrett: "It should appear on the ledge. I will say the 'real' loot from enemy drops are all hand placed. The actual random stuff is just valuables and materials." [source]

" The way it actually works is very complicated with a lot of necessary exceptions but loosely - each ability has a base damage and ones that hit multiple times have an offset multiplier. - That value is multiplied by the sum of all your stat bonuses, conditional bonuses, resist and layer modifiers. - We then subtract enemy defense and multiply by 1-resist (with penetration being calculated here). - this new damage then gets multiplied by 1+crit+weakpointpoint (so those bonuses always feel meaty) and then multiplied by a random number between .95 and 1.05 just to give a little range to the floaties (basically just a presentation thing) - we then multiply again for buffs and debuffs so they, again, always feel meaningful - lastly, we take all added damage and add it flat on top" [source]

"Specific enhancements make enemies immune to the matching affliction. For example, Fire Enchanted enemies are immune to burning. Juggernaut enemies are immune to being staggered but otherwise it should work in everything." [source]

[secretlyaraven]

Some post-ending Astarion headcanons

I've been mulling these over for a while, anyway this is spawn!Astarion not ascended as I've yet to do an ascended playthrough

He'd test the boundaries of how much he could tolerate the sun. He had a taste for it and misses it, now relegated back to the shadows he misses feeling the warmth on his skin.

I love the headcanon I've seen floating around of Tav soaking in the sun in the morning, returning to bed so Astarion can feel the same warmth without it hurting him.

There would be times where he'd prefer to be alone, reconciling with the fact Cazador is gone, along with the tadpole behind his eye - it would get a bit much and he'd lash out, he'd apologise later, but in that moment all he'd feel is anger and sadness.

If he were to feed from Tav during these moments, it would hurt more than usual, he would still apologise later; pressing chaste kiss to Tav's forehead and whispering an apology.

The population of stray cats appear to loiter with intent at the home Astarion and Tav share, and if Tav catches Astarion leaving food out for them, they don't mention it.

Astarion would love simple touches, Tav playing with the joints on his fingers, a brush of his cheek, gently rubbing the tips of his ears, idly playing with his hair.

Carrying on from simple touches, he would grow to become more comfortable with non-sexual intimacy. He'd enjoy being wrapped in Tav's arms, resting between their legs, head on their chest listening to their heartbeat; falling into light, unfamiliar slumber.

Astarion would be a gentle lover if he were wanting to be sexually intimate, exploring his own pleasure and Tav's. Whilst still tainted for him, he'd want to try exploring when he felt ready.

His collection of embroidery threads would grow exponentially.

Maybe he'd try his hand at painting, he wouldn't be good at it to start, but he has eternity to improve.

Tav may suggest commissioning Oskar to paint a portrait of Astarion, he'd be hesitant at first, not sure if he even wants to see his face after all this time, (and concerned Oskar won't do his beauty justice). Eventually he warms to the idea and cries when he finally sees his own face

[wolfisblank]

I don't think I've seen anyone else talk about anything like this in regards to Reese's writing, so I wanted to throw my thoughts into the void. I'm a bit nervous to post this tbh, but here goes.

!! Full spoilers for Scarlet Hollow episode 4 !!

Part of the reason I like Reese as a character a lot, why he really clicked with me, is that we have a lot in common. "Chronically ill depressed artist who rarely leaves his house and has a difficult relationship with a parent who thinks they know better" could describe us both. But that's not why he clicked with me. He, and the mystery around him, intrigued me. But I didn't really become so attached to him until episode four.

And I think the reason why is that I have a heavily stigmatized mental illness. And because of that, the chapter 4 story really resonated with me.

Everyone around him panics, seeing him as a monster who's dangerous to everyone around him. In reality, despite his heightened emotions and his overreacting (perhaps even paranoid) state of mind, his mind is not monstrous. He's perfectly aware and coherent. He's able to clearly articulate that he's not dangerous, he doesn't want to hurt anyone else, and this is just about his mother. And he's not a threat to the main character, who he also views as someone in need of protection. He says it stops with her. We really don't have any reason to not believe him beyond being a monster. Especially considering that he's right, it does stop with her; the only other person he attacks is Wayne (in self-defense), and he immediately de-transforms after killing Dr. Kelly if it's done in front of the player. Even in the basement obedience route, where he's still transformed and in a much less regretful state of mind, he still calmly talks to the player about what he did, and leaves when Wayne shows up. But no one believes him. No one listens. Because of what he is, he's "inherently dangerous". And because of that he can't be trusted and has to be locked away for everyone else's safety. Or even killed, depending on the route. It resonated with me.

My main playthrough, my self-insert character, has Book Smart + Talk to Animals, so there is no Hot trait to save me here. When I first played chapter 4, I called Tabitha, as I am prone to do. And I was horrified that when the time came, it took away my choice to let Reese go free. It is the only tough choice in the game where I rewound and changed the outcome. Because I couldn't do that to him. I love Joan. She's a very interesting character, she's thoroughly humanized, and though what she did to her son was horrible and traumatic and life-ruining, I understand her. She's probably in my top 3 or top 5 favorite characters. But when I saw what Reese's situation was, what she had done to him, and what she was planning on continuing to do to him, I couldn't let her. Despite how much I liked her, I couldn't do that to him.

I'm lucky for my real life situation. But there's a world out there where that is me. There's a world out there where my parent found out about my "dangerous" (see: stigmatized) mental illness early on, when I was less good at hiding it, when they were my primary (and practically only) caregiver, and panicked. There's a world out there where some tough choices would have been made as a parent. Not to that extreme, but still, some real and potentially damaging choices. I stared into the maw of a creature who everyone called a monster for just being himself, who wanted to free himself from the person who planned to continue keeping him prisoner, and I thought who am I, of all people, to do that to him? Maybe one day she'll let him go free. She doesn't like keeping him there. I'd like to think she would. But if she has the right to make the tough call, then so do I, so does he. It's his life.

Anyway on a slightly lighter note... if Reese's situation is intended to be mental illness-coded, then I'm gonna throw my hat in the ring and say it's something schizo-spec. I'm not schizo-spec myself but I noticed some things in him that could be read that way and chatted about it a bit with a friend who is, who said she can see the angle. I'd list my reasons as to why I think that but this post is already long enough as-is. This is more a rumination on my own feelings than exploring my thoughts on the interpretation. I might make a post about that later if anyone is interested in reading it.

And I can also see why someone who is mentally ill wouldn't like this angle for his character. Like oh yeah, the potentially mentally ill-coded character turns into a giant monster that either eats his mother or is tranquilized and locked away or fucking shot and burned to death while half-alive. I see why that wouldn't be a fun way to read the situation for some. An interpretation that resonates for me may not resonate for everyone, and that's fine.

One final thing: I obviously don't know, or even necessarily think, that this was the intention behind his writing. If Black Tabby said anything about that, I haven't seen it. I don't like to assume author intent behind stuff like this, especially considering that Scarlet Hollow isn't even finished yet. This is just one interpretation, one mentally-ill guy's reflection on why a game made him feel a certain way. I got thinking about that recent comment about how there was something people were overlooking about Reese, and that lead me to thinking about why it is that I felt the way I did when I played that chapter, and why made the choice I did in the end, despite my feelings about the characters. And this is the result.

[the-unconquered-queen]

I had a realization about my Blades MC x LI dynamics which means absolutely nothing but has been living rent-free in my head all day regardless. Here goes:

TyrilMC/AerinMC - Lovers who happen to be best friends

MalMC - Best friends who happen to be lovers

Ramble I had to add under a read more because it was originally going in the tags before I realized I was approaching 30 tags with no end in sight (it's gonna show):

Look, I can't speak for y'all's MCs and pairings and playthroughs, but that's literally how it is in mine. And I'm not favoring one type of dynamic over the other, it's just a difference I've noted and this is how I finally put it into words. And I can't speak for all LI/MC dynamics either, which is why I'm limiting this to the LIs I personally romance.

I was just thinking that Mal's scenes often feel like they have a bit more of a friendship element to them even when they're romantic compared perhaps to the others, if that makes sense? I mean, MC is literally said to be Mal's best friend regardless of whether you're on his route or not, whereas for my other two LIs, there is definitely a strong friendship, but it feels like it is strengthened by their relationship with MC.

The more obvious example of the two is Aerin. Lbr, who is his best friend if not MC. And I feel like being on his route emboldens his being intimate with MC, and I'm not even referring to physical intimacy, just in an opening up kind of way, an expressing himself more freely kind of way. 'Cause if you're not on his route, there's no real reason for him and MC to be particularly close as a duo within the larger group, and they are not portrayed as one by the book either. MC is often not even particularly nice to him outside of his diamond scenes. So while my MC does genuinely enjoy Aerin's company, I know their bond is harder to justify on canon alone if they're not dating.

And then in Tyril's case I think his romantic relationship with MC really propels their specific Kilvali, even though I think there'd be a special kinship between them regardless if he and MC are the only elves in the party (which is the case in my pt) and they nevertheless would grow closer by virtue of him being a link to MC's lost culture and heritage that he enjoys teaching her about, but I think their love is what makes them such a close duo and therefore reinforces their friendship. I mean, consider how long it took for Tyril to recognize his relationship with MC as Dinvali vs how much longer it was for Kilvali, even though they had a blossoming friendship before it turned sexual.

Meanwhile, with Mal, it's like their relationship was the natural progression to their friendship, making it the other way around for MalMC—as in, their friendship strengthens their relationship. Because if I take away all romantic elements of my MC's relationships with them and leave only the platonic—and also strip personal headcanons about their dynamics and personalities to focus on what the books actually wrote (because, for example, you can hc an MC who has basically the same personality as Tyril/Aerin which is why they get along so swimmingly, so maybe a sarcastic, blunt MC for Aerin or a cool, sort of stoic MC for Tyril, who then is a perfect fit for their respective LI, but that doesn't mean that's how the writers wrote MC, who, like it or not, does still have a canon personality that is closer Mal's and not much like the other two), anyway yeah, so strip all of that and Mal would likely be the one of the three MC is closest to. I think that canon MC personality is a big reason why the MalMC dynamic is pretty effortless, while I feel like if I don't make the active effort to include TyrilMC/AerinMC in my playthrough (with romance being the more effective method imo, bc it leads to coded moments instead of just vanishing entirely as soon as a diamond scene is over), the game will not do it for me and they will not be as prominent.

And this is something that I think works for these LIs' personalities! Because Tyril and Aerin are more reserved characters who need to be close to someone (in this case, through a relationship) before they are comfortable letting loose and truly being themselves. As in, you have to get past their initial lack of charm to get to their actual charm. Whereas Mal is the opposite because he is very charming and charismatic right off the bat, so you don't need to tease that out of him, but it's within the relationship that he can be more real, such as him admitting to MC after a b1 hookup that (before her) he wasn't used to wanting certainty, a home, and someone to share it with, plus the rest of that vulnerable conversation. So then, instead of Mal starting out more serious and having the relationship show him how to let loose, he starts out casual and the relationship emboldens him to be serious, I think is a way it could be put.

Aside from personalities, it's possible that the timelines play into this as well, when you think about it. Yeah, all three of these LIs have stated at different points throughout the series that they were attracted to MC upon meeting her, but Mal was the one who was a friend the longest before the dynamics took a turn for the romantic. Because while Mal's and Tyril's relationships with MC were both taken to another level that night they had their first kisses in the lodge, Mal had been traveling with MC longer (consider how long it takes the group to get from one location to another off-screen) and therefore had more time to grow platonically before something else was added to the mix.

And Aerin, of course, took the fastest track, given that MC could kiss him the very day they met, and, if romanced since book 1 (which is the case in my playthrough) at no point has their relationship ever been solely friendly as a result, and even when they grow back together in book 2, MC learning to be friends with him post-betrayal happens simultaneously as MC and Aerin rekindling their past romance. Considering his characterization, I'd like to point out that Aerin seems to have an easier time with romance than friendship, as (so far—shoutout non-VIPs) he doesn't really show hesitance when it comes to being with MC romantically (aside from worrying—completely reasonably, may I add—that she wouldn't want him after the stuff he's pulled) and does often take the lead in that regard, but it's the idea of budding friendship that sent him running for the hills. Even now, as of b3 ch 11, he's said he's "not there yet" about his closeness to the party, but didn't even hesitate before proudly introducing MC as the "love of his life" to his mother. In his case, it's definitely the relationship helping the friendship progress.

To finish this off, I'm not saying all of this stuff I've been pointing out is exclusive to the romance routes. Certainly someone who's not romancing these LIs can have moments in their playthroughs where they let down their guards to their MCs, but I feel that, within my playthough in which they are romanced, this is how their dynamics appear, and this recontextualizes scenes and dialogues that any player can get outside of their romances. So yeah, I'm not trying to minimize whatever friendships other people's MCs might have with these LIs and I'm definitely not implying that either friendship or romance is inherently better or more profound than the other. But just that ever since I came to the conclusion that the MalMC friendship feeds and elevates the MalMC romance while the TyrilMC/AerinMC romance feeds and elevates the TyrilMC/AerinMC friendship, I feel like I'm seeing their dynamics in a new light.

[revalition]

OCT 19 - SHIVERS Raise the hair on your neck. Tune in to the city.

shivers my beloved!!! I love her so much!

Here is my favourite shivers quote since I didn't include it in the image this time:

SHIVERS - FOR THREE HUNDRED YEARS I HAVE BEEN HERE. VOLATILE AND LUMINOUS. MADE OF SODIUM AND RAIN.

weeps... <333 not only is it such a gorgeous quote but it was also my first time hearing from la revacholiere... You need shivers of 5 to get it but luckily my first playthrough I had FYS of 4 and I got the patrol cloak the first day so I guess that's 5.. so when I was messing with the electronic doorbell on the first day and eventually got this line!!!!! I had NO IDEA what was happening but I was immediately fascinated by this skill.

also if Kim isn't with you, you can ask yourself what just happened and not a soul answers. your skills *never* just leave you in silence like that...

afterwards she also says:

SHIVERS - IF YOU WANT ME YOU CAN FIND ME ON THE BEACH, DANS LE DERNIER BAL.

which, like. what does that mean. the last ball? the last dance maybe? and then when you do the shivers check in the church there's a modifier that just says "+2 FIND ME ON THE BEACH"

anyway... no it's not oct 19 but that's the naming convention I set when I started so that's how it's going to stay. tbh I had no idea what to do with shivers which is why this isn't anything like my other skilltober posts but hopefully it still does her justice

lots of quotes under the cut as always

what's this? actual screenshots from the game??

this scene was just. so amazing. the worst part is how easy it is to miss! if your inland empire is too low you don't get the dialogue that lets you even try the shivers check (found that out the hard way in my second playthrough >:( and you only need 2 IE to get it) and then the shivers check is quite difficult too... the two people I know who played it, neither got to talk to the city! but that also made it feel very special

I remember screenshotting my game when I got this dialogue so I could go look for it! and then finding the body on the boardwalk and looking all around there and going ah, guess I can't get under the boardwalk and it was just flavour text. and forgetting about it.

and then finding it down there!!! it's my favourite I wore it the rest of the playthrough. also the modifier on it!! +1 Shivers: Gift from La Revacholiere 😭 shivers... shivers ily...

shivers memories of your mom?

she's so helpful

this one kills me every time I read it

also I've been angry with shivers about the humiliation of the shivers fail in front of neha the dicemaker where you take your pants of... and I went to grab a screenshot and it... was Harry all along? all shivers says is that you don't feel anything and it's a bit too warm, and Harry does the rest... sigh. of course he does.

this is a dialogue you can get after talking to Plaisance about the curse after you investigated the doomed commercial area... I know you can come to the conclusion that the curse of the doomed commercial area is caused by being so close to the pale, but that fact that Shivers can pick it up so early on...

I love when she humours you...

this damages your endurance! shivers scolding you can make you *die*

this one damages endurance too... but inland recognizing that shivers isn't one of your skills...!!!

there are a bunch of these (unsure if they're implemented in the game or not, I've never encountered them at least) of your patrol cloak talking to you through shivers!

Kim trying to convince you not to leave in the airship is heart-wrenching on its own, but La Revacholiere begging you not to forsake her...? sobs

this one has to be in here... the three skill checks are godly difficulty. urgh it hurts my heart

the miracle!! she protects the phasmid too, watches over it. observes it skating across the water, opening the buoy to retrieve the passport...

my two supranatural skills bringing you to the precinct! this dialogue has their names, even (usually EdC just relays it to you)

harry and the city are inseparable...

this one hurts me. the church sidequest is my favourite in the game, but there's always this underlying sadness to it that things cannot exist in that church...

fuck...

shivers is so poetic... In my first playthrough, all of their information on the surrounding area was overwhelming. And I didn't have high enough shivers my second playthrough to get the dialogue... but looking through it again now, it makes so much more sense after playing once.

Revachol forever.

this brings me great comfort... the city with pocket it for you. and you can finally move forward.

I don't know what this means... but I wish my city loved me the way revachol loves harry. you also need to pass a godly logic passive to deduce that the world is the thought reader...

that's only 27 screenshots but I don't have any others to add right now... so here is shivers from the spring storm WIP since I havent shared one of these in a bit

dont mind empathy and pain thresh photo bombing it...

and here is my personal shivers skill portrait, which conceptualization drew...

i'm not sure if it's weird to add this but screenshot from our shared discord, but it's kind of cool. they're often silly or rude to eachother but they have their moments. re: shivers suggesting moving to toronto (there is a bit more before this that I was contributing to).

I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard from my shivers... the first time was actually *in* toronto when I was there for a concert. the way Harry loves his city isn't the way I love my city, but it does make me wonder if I could feel that way about somewhere else...

anyway weird note to end this post on but. that's okay. half light next... hopefully tomorrow

[serevarin]

Please don't put your mental health at risk over some post on here, your art is good and very sweet either way and there's no need for you to force yourself to play the game if it's gonna make you feel bad. Watching playthroughs is fine too, the content of their relationship isn't gonna change anyway. Plus writing fanfic and drawing fanart is a hobby, you should do it in a way that's fun and enjoyable for YOU, it doesn't matter what others think it's best

holy shit holy shit thank u thank u kind anon!! so i've been crying a lil bit (in a good and appreciating and thankful way) after reading previous comments and your words as well. even though i'm an artist, not a ficwriter, i still relate to the take "fanfiction is funfiction" in a way that an author's pleasure and fun and positive emotions should be a top priority, not the audience's (i hope u get me cause idk how to put it in english :"D).

because i've seen really deprecating posts and comments about some categories of ficwriters and even artists. i think it would be really kinder to the community and to our content creators to talk about improving one's fanfiction quality in a suggesting way, not.. not in a deprecating and obliging and consumer-ish way, if u know what i mean? because fanfiction isn't a commercial activity and not a job, in most cases. it's not like ficwriters are obliged to their audience, i believe. and it's not like authors have to avoid things that are not really touched upon in the source material, such as religious guilt and etc. i think it's just wonderful to write about something (even ooc, even headcanon-ish, even trope-ish) because it's beautiful or relatable or because it's causing some cool emotions inside you. and because you, as an author, have fun. and because you love what you're doing, no matter what others say.

if i were a ficwriter, i would probably absolutely love to write about religious guilt in hansry because it relates to me SO much especially in my country and makes me feel something. something beautiful and something close to my heart. it's not historically accurate, yeah, but i would love to share my point of view on hansry with the world. so can you.

*ofc, it would be cool if hansry readers could be more suggestive and less deprecating, whereas ficwriters could also be gentle and put tags accordingly (and warn about potential ooc and religious guilt or top/bottom dynamic and etc) - so that kindness would be a two-way street, so to say!

i just really want to defend those ficwriters (and even artists!!! my fellows my guys!!) that fell under this wave of hate. please be free and enjoy what you love.

[ageless-aislynn]

SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF MASS EFFECT 3

...if anybody cares. Yeah, it's been 13 years since it came out but hey, I'm just getting here myself, so I figured I ought to at least lob in a warning, just in case. 😉

Anyway, I'm not done yet but I realized, as I'm about to do the Priority: Rannoch mission, what's about to happen to Legion. 😭😭😭

Which has led me to really trying to figure out which ending I plan on going for. Note: despite this being my first trilogy playthrough, I've known about the various endings for years now, so I decided to try and RP my Shepard in the best way I can to achieve an ending that felt the most like he would've selected.

But here's the thing (as I'd imagine I'm hardly the first to struggle with): my Shepard doesn't want any of these endings. (My understanding may be off on certain points but this is the gist of what I understand about all of the endings.)

Synthesis offers the most survivors, with not only your Normandy crew including EDI but the Geth as well, though not Shepard. However, the incredible lack of consent just skeeves me out. Forcing every living being to be merged down to their DNA into an organic/synthetic hybrid is bad enough but the idea that this will keep the Reapers from continuing their cycle so therefore everybody's going to be fine is ignoring the fact that every species has fought amongst itself since time began. So what's to stop a future person/species from coming up with something that will wipe out all life anyway, no help from Reapers required? So, while I like the idea that EDI and the Geth survive (and even seem to thrive a bit more with them gaining organics), this ending is off the table for me and my Shep.

Control keeps EDI and the Geth alive as well as saves the Normandy crew but again sacrifices Shepard, just in a different way. Shepard merges with the Reapers to take them over and thus end their cycle of killing all organics in the universe. But this is predisposing that this new Shepard!Reaper being won't eventually be corrupted and decide to resume killing organics or certain species or whatever might be. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, after all, and Shepard isn't immune to that. Even worse, this ISN'T Shepard, this is a Reaper with Shepard's memories, creating a new being. If I were Shepard, I'd consider that all you're doing is HOPING that the Reapers don't, at some point, decide to restart their cycle but you've got no way to ensure that they won't.

Destroy is the only ending that I can see really being an option because the Reaper threat will be GONE. But you're also killing EDI and all of the Geth, including those Legion sacrificed itself to save and who have become your allies. To put it another way, it would be like saying, "Okay, we can guarantee that the Reapers will be destroyed but this will also kill all Turians, including Garrus." (Or insert name of other species/squadmate like Asari/Liara, Quarians/Tali, etc.) Would Shepard be willing to do that? I know he wouldn't want to sacrifice anybody, other than himself, and I think it sucks that no matter which ending you take, you have to sacrifice something significant. Yeah, I get that it makes it more realistic but, darn it, I get enough realism in real life, lol.

I also find it really odd that, according to the colors, Control is the Paragon choice and Destroy the Renegade one. I mean, yeah, Destroy and Renegade do go together but Shep becoming a Reaper Godlike being is Paragon? That just doesn't track for me. 🤔😬

There's also the fact that Destroy, with a high enough War Asset Score, is the only ending with a hint that Shepard survives.

At the moment, I'm leaning the most towards Destroy but, mannnnn, I wish there was a way to save EDI, whom I adore, and the Geth, whom I also love because of Legion and when they're allies and not shooting at me, lol! I'll have to just hope that someway, somehow, EDI and the allied Geth can somehow be resurrected, even if we don't see it in-game.

So, to those out there who've played the trilogy, which ending did you get/want? I'd love to hear about it! Let me just scribble down some notes as we chat...

😉Love you all, my friends, and I hope you're doing well! 💖