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dangermousie · 7 months

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For a drama that was clearly filmed on a shoestring budget, they have some really pretty shots - the way QL is shot looking at Ling snap and then come out of it, is gorgeous.

And it's so telling that her main reaction is not fear of him but worry for him. In many another set-up, I'd call her naive but for her, with her issues, it is normal people that is terrified of and also while she has never snapped the way he does, she can understand going after a tormentor because that is what she wishes she could have done. His violence is not off putting for her because she wishes she could be like that.

One of the things I like about Mars is what they do with Qing Mei, who'd be the insane secondary girl in many a drama - she tried and she snapped and then she got over it. And here she is giving QL Ling's address. She is CAPABLE OF MOVING ON.

Ling's hovel is definitely a hovel and it's an unpretty dump. I love that it's almost aggressively ugly - more shows should do that for their broke characters. But also, here is QL who started the show literally flinching from anyone in any proximity, feeling safe enough to wait for Ling as he showers right there. It's both progress for her character (we earlier saw her stand up to girls in school) and because she feels safe with him.

Oooofff! This is a convo they have where he says his father never lifted a hand to him/lost his temper at him and she comments he's a good man and Ling responds that is not the case, he's just afraid of him and QL is incredulous, how can a man be afraid of his own son. I really really like that they both have severe trauma but it's a very different one and that is why they react differently and their triggers are different. And then they come to the crux of it. This is the MOST vulnerability and honesty we've seen him show anyone by a factor of a 100:

And then being himself, he tries to go "psych!"

And you can see her be relieved "what kind of parent would treat their kid that way" and the thing is, he could have just left it at that but he cannot. She is past all his shields and he's rather desperate.

God, I love this! And it makes so much sense, as I mentioned before, that she's afraid of "normal," not of someone genuinely out there because she's been abused over and over by normal. (And she doesn't mention her stepfather but she clearly wants to, and he's smart enough to catch she's omitting something.)

OK, I don't remember stuff about his mom that well but if I remember correctly, she tried to kill him at some point. And it's so interesting that Ling doesn't remember that (between his age and suppressing the trauma), but his subconscious does somehow...

Notice something - he leans in, she is uncomfortable and suggests going for a walk and he just pulls back, no hesitation or word of complaint. The violent kid who was involuntarily committed respected her boundaries the way all those praiseworthy members of community did not.

Watching them on a date is such a delight. They don't just talk out issues, they genuinely have so much fun together.

This is only barely related to the above but I wanted to talk about it - I love that always in their relationship, they meet each other where the other person is at, they don't try to change the other person, they just decide if they can live with it or not - sometimes they can't (when she decides to agree to live with her abuser, he goes "I am out,") but they don't really try to change each other - they do change each other and for each other, but this is organic and voluntary. They grow tremendously, but they never force the other to do so.

It really comes to a head with Ling's choice of being a motorcycle racer - it's an insanely dangerous profession. His bio father died from it. The whole story opens with his visiting a mentor who just lost a leg doing so. QL is very much aware how dangerous this is. And for her, Ling is her whole life - her family are dead or monsters. When he almost dies (from other stuff), she loses it. And yet, she never not once asks him to quit or even thinks about how good it would be if it was. Her father even posits it to her and she rejects it. She could get him to quit for her - I mean later on, he agrees to his father's demands in order to save her, and that wasn't even her asking. And she knows that but she won't. Because she loves him the way he is and she wants him to do what makes him happy, not to constrain himself for her. He set her free and she cannot constrain him as a return. They are both their best and their freest and their truest to themselves with each other and I love it so.

God, I love them so so so much!

#twdrama #mars #barbie hsu #vic chou

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godblooded · 1 year

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@crimeloyalty (x)

i have this problem where i keep finding myself back in the same place over and over again. i have this problem where i’m constantly accidentally attached to a giant bat. i have this issue where i don’t know how i find him, don’t know how he finds me, but it never stops happening. and then we find each other, and sometimes we both have this problem where we can’t seem to get away from each other.

( he’s my big mistake. the kind of thing you don’t risk. the kind of thing a cat doesn’t risk. i can’t afford to go soft but i can’t do anything in his hands except fall apart and i let him know that as deep and hard and sharp as i can. )

i want to call him a coward afraid of my claws. i want to leave a million red fucking paintings across his back. i want to maul him into an artpiece i can’t stand until his blood’s drying and sticky in the creases of my palms. i want to do anything but what i know i do, which is go to pieces the second his stupid fucking mouth attaches to my neck. he’s the worst decision i’ve ever made. he’s a bad choice i keep choosing and i’m choosing it again.

i’m selfish. go fuck yourself.

“ sure. i’ll get us tickets to a movie while i’m at it. ”

i have no room to be biting or snarking at him. i’m not in a position as much as i could be, and handing the reins over to the bat feels equal parts relieving and incredibly idiotic. jeans or a dress. yeah. i’ll make sure to get an afternoon res at brasserie. we’ll share dessert brought by waiters overly obsessed about how much we like each other, and there’ll be some bullshit la vie en rose street performer down the block conveniently playing just for us. and i’ll wear a dress or jeans.

( i can only just barely breathe when i straddle his knee and he’s good enough to keep me level, but i’m expert enough to keep myself steady. it’s not a thing i think about when i do it -- learning to lean exactly the right way to accommodate every shift. it’s enough to pang between my legs and kill me for a second, but i love bad decisions, and i’m happily carrying out as many as i want, and this one could be so much worse. i know how to move two ways: the way i do, and the way he gets me to. )

he’s too close. he’s so close. i obsessively think about how close, about his mouth too near all those unpretty little marks, and i think about how he’ll hopefully never ask, never question, never breathe a word about it. i can feel his fingers on the back of my neck where there’s almost a crater of scar tissue under my hair, an indent about the size of a fat, burning cigar. i’m too dizzy to even think about anything once he kisses me and i’m angry with myself for the way my thoughts just scatter. i’m angry with myself for going blind, and his mouth is covered in smudges of bright red. i have to hold on tighter or i think i’ll faint.

he brushes against me and i gasp into his stupid mouth. it’s cold and i don’t care. there are worse things i could be doing than deciding to let batman fuck me on a roof until i undoubtedly puncture suit and have to remind myself how to apply pressure before i accidentally perform surgery on him. it takes semi lucidity to realize how far i get before i almost really hurt. i hate the fact that i stop myself, because the only thing i want other than crying out hard against his neck is to dig into him and keep going until i black out.

i black out, but mostly because i can’t stop gripping so tight, mostly because my fingers ache where they’re bending. my knuckles crack so loudly i hear it in my ears but i think it’s just me. it takes me a second to even realize he’s the only thing i can taste and i’m chasing his movement to loop my arms around his neck and melt into him. my skin looks like i’ve been in a war with a vacuum cleaner. there’s one mark in the hollow of my throat that feels like a bee sting when i swallow. i blink behind the mask, try to remind myself how to breathe. batmobile. i kiss him, this time, something like i mean it and i need it to be clear just how much. i bite down hard enough to taste metal and i’m all the more fucked for it.

“ carry me. i shouldn’t have to walk. ”

#crimeloyalty #opposite. harleen quinzel. crimeloyalty.#v: the catwoman: i aim to displease. (crimeloyalty)#meme threads. the catwoman.#not for work safe /#ic. the catwoman.#[WOW THEY'RE LIKE THIS.]

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destiniesfic · 4 years

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Folktober 05 — for @jurdannet/@jurdannetrevels. In which Jude was never taken to Faerie and grew up in blissful ignorance of the fair folk—mostly—until the night they tried to steal her twin sister away.

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The door is the first test. It is difficult not to stare at every new thing I see. There are lamps on either side of the polished wood doors, and at first I think they’re just regular lights, but of course nothing here is that simple; the light comes from two tiny glowing faeries, trapped behind glass. I am immediately filled with questions. Did they volunteer for the job? Is this a punishment for some unknown crime? Do they eat, and if so, who feeds them? Do they live forever, miserable in their prison, or do they eventually burn themselves out?

But I am meant to be glamoured and not ask questions, so I don’t, even though I want to pound my hands against the glass until they bleed and the tiny faeries are freed. I keep my eyes straight ahead and hardly even flinch when I notice the grotesque carving on the door. It looks horrible, a twisted and terrible face, the knocker piercing its nose.

Cardan acts as if this is all totally normal, because of course to him it is, because he lives here and none of this is new to him. Without any hesitation, he reaches for the door knocker. And as he does, the carving’s eyes spring open.

To keep from screaming, I bite my lip hard enough to draw a bead of blood. My entire body goes taut, a coiled spring waiting for release. I force myself to breathe in through my nose.

“My prince,” says the carving.

Cardan smiles at the door in a way I am not even sure he smiled at his friends. “My door.”

I am relieved when the next words from the door’s awful mouth are “Welcome home” and it swings open to admit us. Cardan stalks inside, and I follow.

There is a faerie servant waiting for us, wearing some kind of livery. “Prince Cardan,” they say, with a small bow. “Your brother would like to speak with you.”

“A pity for him,” Cardan replies, handing his cloak to another servant. No one offers to take the jacket I am wearing. “I would like that less.”

“I am afraid it was not a request,” the first servant says. “He wishes to speak with you and the mortal girl you have brought back with you.”

Cardan glances back at me, a frown turning down the corners of his full mouth. “Very well, although I cannot imagine why. Come, Jude.”

I bristle at the command, but I follow after him; it’s what the glamoured girl I’m supposed to be would do. I force a little smile on my lips and trot after him. “What’s going on?” I whisper through it.

“I know not.” The frown deepens. “And I like that even less. Stay close to me and face front, no matter what you see. And under no circumstances may you antagonize Balekin as you do me. Am I understood?”

I want to tell him that if he thinks my meager resistance so far has been antagonism, he doesn’t really know anything about hardship, but there’s an urgency to his voice, maybe something like nerves or fear, that makes me think he’s being serious.

“Totally,” I say, and then I fall back a little so that I trail him.

Soon I see why he warned me to stare straight ahead. As we walk through the hallway, I see another human for the first time, a young man dressed in the same palace livery. At first I want to call out to him, to scream, to tell him I’ve been taken and he has too and we should both run away from this place, but I notice the glazed look in his eyes, and, as we approach, his cracked fingers and chapped lips. He hums to himself as he polishes an old suit of armor on display, and doesn’t seem to notice as we pass.

I shudder. Cardan may have kidnapped me, true. He and his friends might have intended to do terrible things to my sister, and he may still intend to do terrible things to me. But at least I have been spared that fate, the loss of my all my faculties, of any control.

I’m not relieved for long, because Hollow Hall still has horrors in store for me. Soon we come to another set of gleaming doors, through which I can hear the sounds of chatter and the faint thrumming of music. The doors are thrown open for us by another pair of servants, and then we are in the middle of the great hall.

There is what is clearly a party happening. Well, I assume it’s a party, what parties are in fairyland. It looks like the kind of scene HBO would get in trouble for when casting a bunch of nude extras. I mean, by human standards, it would definitely be considered an orgy, but I am beginning to think that human and faerie standards are very different.

And that’s not to say all of the Folk are embracing. Some are eating golden fruit. Some are drinking wine and mead from great goblets, like the ones Cardan brought for his picnic jaunt into my world. Others seem to be falling asleep. Two might be strangling each other to the amusement of onlookers. There is a small band on the other side of the room that includes a green-skinned pixie playing a flute and a boy with goat legs playing an honest-to-god lute. And, yes, there are faeries in varying states of undress, on couches near the perimeter of the room or cushions on the floor, and some are definitely, um, occupied. They are clearly inhuman, but their bodies are human enough that I find myself blushing, out of embarrassment or mortification I don’t know.

But Cardan said I couldn’t stare, so I do my best not to. I face front and think about the places I would rather be. Which is pretty much anywhere. I imagine myself at the Starbucks downtown, sipping pumpkin spice lattes with Taryn, or bingeing She-Ra on Netflix with Vivi, like we had the last week of the summer. Then I think about how my parents will panic when they realize I’m not there in the morning—probably just a couple of hours from now—and I nearly feel sick to my stomach.

“Jude,” Cardan hisses through his teeth. “With me.”

I don’t nod. I just follow him as we chart a path through the revelers, managing to hold it together. A naked girl with daffodil-yellow skin and pink flowers for hair laughs and calls to him, trying to coax him into joining her circle, but he ignores her. I guess being a prince makes you popular.

Our destination is on the far side of the room, unfortunately, which means I have to do a lot more repression to make it there in one piece. For example, I can’t think about how a sharp-toothed faerie seems to be using a tiny bone to pick his teeth, or how another revel guest’s lips shine red like they’re wet with blood. At least I can easily pick out where we’re going and focus on that as I keep from tripping over any outstretched limbs.

Another faerie, one who looks much like Cardan with dark hair and high cheekbones, reclines in a wooden chair carved to look much like a throne, up on a dais. He is in conversation with a very lovely woman in a blue gown, but when she sees us approaching she kisses his ring and leaves. I almost want to tell her to come back, to not leave us with the host of this debauched fete. But there’s nothing to say. I’ll have no help here.

Cardan climbs the dais seps and stops before the chair, inclining his head with deference that seems a little mocking. Without being told, I know that this is Balekin, whom Cardan said was the eldest of the princes.

Brother,” Balekin says, and even I, an outsider, can sense the danger under the familial cheer. “How was your jaunt to the mortal world?”

“Tiresome,” Cardan says, stifling a yawn as he raises his head.

“I was told you brought a companion back with you.”

“Word travels fast.”

Balekin waits for him to say something else, and frowns when he doesn’t. I, meanwhile, am thinking of how I felt like we were being watched as we rode through the forest. Maybe we were. Or maybe the goblins who’d paddled the boat were spies. Nothing here was safe.

“Well, won’t you call her hence so I may examine her?” Balekin asks at last.

“Oh, indeed,” says Cardan, who clearly isn’t happy to have been called out for this. Still, he waves for me, and I take a step forward. “This mortal girl interfered with our fun. She was unhappy that Locke wanted to play with her twin sister.”

“Twins?” Balekin sounds intrigued. He sits forward. I’m learning that twins are probably rare among faeries if Taryn and I are so consistently interesting. “Why not keep them both?”

Cardan shrugs. “It was better sport to promise the freedom of one sister and then take the other. This one was so angry when she found her twin glamoured, and now she suffers that fate.”

I’m angry still, I want to shout. I’m angry now! I want to stomp my foot. I want to haul off and punch him. But I stay where I am, trying to keep the placid smile fixed on my face. I’d thought Cardan and his friends terrifying and wrong, but now that I am face-to-face with an adult faerie, I realize that Cardan can’t be much older than me—or whatever the faerie equivalent is. Maybe he’s ninety and just looks nineteen. But Balekin is clearly grown, less lanky than Cardan, more dangerous. He is looking at me in a way I don’t like.

“Come closer, child,” he says to me, and he almost sounds kind. I try not to hesitate as I approach his chair. When I am near enough, he reaches out and takes my face in his hand. There are thorns poking out of his skin, sharp enough to prick me. I stay very, very still and try to breathe normally.

“She’s not unpretty, is she?” he asks Cardan.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cardan shift uneasily. “If mortals are your flavor.”

Balekin frowns, turning my face from one side to the other. “She has a familiar look. What is your name, girl?”

“Jude,” I say obediently.

“Your surname.”

“Smith,” I lie. It’s the first thing that comes to mind. Telling a faerie prince my actual full name seems like a really bad idea.

Balekin’s eyes narrow, but he releases me. My jaw tingles. He swirls the wine in his goblet the way sophisticated people do in movies, and then he leans back in his chair. “So, brother. Now you have a mortal girl. What will you do with her?”

“I have not yet decided,” Cardan replies, sounding thoughtful. “I would rather not put her to work in the kitchens or the hall. Mortals are so fragile, with such clumsy fingers. It amuses me to think of her carrying my schoolbooks, serving my wine, and sleeping at the foot of my bed like a faithful hound.”

“Trite amusements,” says Balekin, but I notice that he doesn’t seem displeased with his younger brother. “If you misplace this one it is of no consequence to me. Do as you will.”

Cardan inclines his head in a mock bow, then says again, “Come, Jude.”

Like the faithful hound, I follow at his heels. Unlike the faithful hound, I chafe doing so. But I can’t see another way out just now, so I will play this game until the end. Whatever that is.

---

Tag list: @lilithsaur @highqueenofelfhame @charrise @emeralddaydream13 @b00kworm @amandlas @gellavonhamster @ireallyshouldsleeprn @misskillerdarkness @nahthanks @lohep @awkward-avocado-s @alittledribbledrabble @kittkatandbooboo @harrymoncheri @gxndrya

If you want to be tagged in future posts, let me know!

#jurdannet #jurdannetrevels #folktober 2020 #jurdan #judecardan #jude x cardan #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #the folk of the air #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #mine: fic #fic: folktober #how long does october last? let's find out

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lesbian-fabray · 4 years

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quinn fabray is a lesbian - season two

2x01: audition

quinn specifically watches santana at cheerios practice during “what i did for love” despite the fact we have no reason to believe quinn feels guilty about telling sue about santana’s boob job

2x02: britney/brittany

when rachel shows up in her revealing brittany spears outfit, quinn makes an effort not to look at her in the choir room

quinn does the embarassing favor of getting rejected by finn for rachel without anything in return even though she’s supposed to hate her, and seems incredibly upset that finn loves rachel despite the fact that she has not been shown to be romantically interested in finn since 1x14

at various points during “only exception’, a love song rachel sings to finn, quinn looks incredibly upset while singing along

2x04: duets

is visibly disgusted by sam’s attempts at flirting while she is helping him clean the slushee off of his face

during “river deep, mountain high’, quinn seems downright enamored

when santana turns around and shakes her ass during “river deep, mountain high”, quinn seems very excited and has a reaction similar to those of sam and mr. schue (gross)

at the end of “river deep, mountain high” quinn looks shaken to her core

repeatedly rejecting sam’s advances in the astronomy room (examples: “earth. now come back to it,” putting one hand on his shoulder instead of both on his hips, etc.)

clarifying their dinner at breadstix is not a date after her and sam won the duet competition

when sam says he knows what it’s like to have a secret you’re ashamed of, quinn says “so you are gay?” she has no reason to believe that rumor, as he’s shown repeated interest in her, so it feels almost as if that is the shameful secret that’s at the front of her mind, because her pregnancy wasn’t really a secret at this point

2x06: never been kissed

rejects and seems completely disinterested in sam’s sexual advances

admits to sue in her office that she’s mainly dating sam as a means of rehabilitating her image

2x07: the substitute

out of everyone in the club, quinn is the MOST excited when rachel and holly perform “nowadays/hot honey rag”

2x08: furt

quinn reacts negatively when sam says “i love you” before he gives her the promise ring

quinn is incredibly adamant about the fact she is not dating sam during the “glee girls with boyfriends on the football team” meeting

2x11: the sue sylvester shuffle

quinn has what can only be described as a love-struck look when rachel is singing during “need you now” and sam even notices it. i in no way understand why this moment is even in the episode

2x13: comeback

during “take me or leave me” quinn has a visible positive reaction when rachel says “don’t you want your girl hot”

quinn looks absolutely disgusted by finn’s beiber hair during “take me or leave me”

2x15: sexy

quinn kind of facially freaks out when rachel touches her when talking to holly about their desire to stay celibate

when all the girls in the room except her and rachel throw open their jackets and expose their cleavage, quinn’s jaw drops almost all the way to the ground

2x16: original song

with tears in her eyes, quinn tells rachel she plans to stay in lima with finn so rachel can go off to new york and live her dreams, essentially sacrificing her own future for rachel’s

2x18: born this way

looks at rachel lovingly while in the doctor’s waiting room and during “i feel pretty/unpretty” (especially at the very end of the song). also puts a supportive hand on rachel’s shoulder in the waiting room

2x19: rumours

quinn looks absolutely entranced by april during “dreams”

2x20: prom queen

quinn stares at rachel during “jar of hearts” then hides her eyes behind finn’s shoulder

THE BATHROOM SCENE (specifically: her immediately looking like she hates herself for what she did after slapping rachel, talks about being perpetually afraid of the future when she doesn’t have her status to hide behind,and letting rachel wipe away her tears)

only really dances with women during “dancing queen”

2x21: funeral

quinn has no genuine emotional reaction to finn breaking up with her. she immediately asks if it has to do with rachel and seems to only be upset because it jeopardizes her chances at being prom queen next year

2x22: new york

stares at rachel as her and finn walk through the hotel lobby

lquinn looks up at rachel while trying to write a song, implying she’s writing a song about rachel

quinn goes out of her way to playfully hit rachel with a pillow during the pillow fight

the first place quinn’s mind goes to when santana says she knows how to help quinn feel better is sex, and even then, she only says she’s “not THAT into that,” implying she is at least a little into that

#raven quinn fabray is gay #quinn fabray #lesbian quinn fabray #quinn fabgay #faberry #quinntana

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wayward-river · 5 years

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Smokeshow

Drew Ray Tanner x Plus!Size Reader

AN: Absolutely no hate at all to Jasmine I love her and Drew together, this is solely a work of pure fiction. This was requested and I hope you like it! This is also my first time writing Drew as Drew and not Fangs so I hope y’all like it as well!

AN2: All mistakes are my own, I do not own the gif. Enjoy!

Warnings: Anxiety, self doubt. Thats about it.

Beta: @xserpentlife thanks girl!

You sat in the chair covered with a blanket as you laughed with Vanessa and Madelaine. It was going to be a long day and the scenes you were doing today, well you weren’t particularly looking forward to it.

“Hey Y/N, you excited for today?” Vanessa asked smiling.

You smiled as you moved slightly. The bikini you were in, under your clothes making you uncomfortable. “Uh, yeah. I mean I’m kind of like nervous to be unveiled as Sweet Pea’s love interest this season, but I’m excited to be back filming.”

“Why are you nervous?” Madelaine questioned.

You fidgeted once more. Picking at the blanket, your eyes casted down. You took a deep breath. It was just you girls in the tent, and you trusted both of them, they were your friends they would understand. “I well, its Jordan. He’s Drew’s best friend and I have to be all lovey with him, and I’m just afraid of the hate I guess.” You paused. “And it’s hard enough believing Drew is already with me. They want me to play Jordan’s freaking love interest.” You mumbled just quietly enough that they couldn’t hear you.

“Oh, Y/N/N, I don’t think anyone is going to spread hate, I mean yeah you’ll have a few but we’ve got you and you know Drew nor Jordan will stand for that. Drew is your boyfriend, and Jordan has become one of your closest friends.” Vanessa tried to assure you.

You looked up, tears pricking the corner of your eyes. “I know, I just am worried you know. Why couldn’t Ember be with Fangs?” You chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

Vanessa and Madelaine laughed along with you. “If only it was that easy.” Madelaine added.

Just then one of the crew members walked into the tent. “Madelaine, Vanessa you are needed on set. You two in your suits?”

They both nodded as they got up dropping the blankets. You sucked in a breath at the sight of them. Both in their bikinis and you couldn’t help the pang of sadness that ran through you.

“We’ll see you on set later?” Vanessa asked.

You gave her a quick nod as you watched her and Madelaine leave the tent, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Just when you thought you could be alone for a breather and be okay, Jordan walked into the tent.

“Hey Y/N, ready to be my girlfriend?” He teased.

It was a normal thing for him to do. You both had a relationship where the other would tease about something that happened. You were close, but you had gotten closer when you started dating Drew.

You bolted up right the blanket falling. Goosebumps immediately prickling your legs as you had on your characters high waisted shorts, the bikini top hidden by the hoodie you were currently wearing.

“I-I, I uh- gotta go.” You stuttered out quickly before bolting out of the tent, your mind racing. You walked past a few cast mates, KJ and Charles trying to stop you, to ask if you were okay. You waved them off as you headed in the direction you thought would be the safest.

You walked up the steps, going to knock but remembering Drew always lecturing you on knocking for his trailer. “Baby, you don’t need to knock. I mean it’s not like you haven’t seen everything” He had wiggled his eyebrows at you and made you laugh so much that day.

Taking a breath you opened the door, looking around the trailer it was empty.

“Drew?” You called out. Nothing. “Babe you in here?” Again nothing. Drew had always been able to keep the thoughts of your mind calm, sometimes without even knowing it. You walked in a little further and slumped down on to the couch, the held back tears racing down your cheeks.

You don’t know how long you you were alone in the trailer before the door swung open. Drew’s laugh carrying through the trailer, immediately stopping once his gaze fell on you. You were hunched over, your hands covering your face as your body shook slightly. He turned around. “Hey man, I’ll just catch you on set.”

Jordan didn’t even hesitate as he turned around hollering for Cole.

Drew shut the trailer door and carefully made his way over to the couch. He sat down his arms immediately enveloping you. You leaned into him at his touch, as a sniffle betrayed you.

He moved his position as one hand rubbed circles into your back and the other one, smoothed down your hair over and over again as he let you lay on his chest, he began to hum the song he had just heard, waiting for you to calm down. He knew that talking to you didn’t always work when you got into that pretty head of yours.

The humming coming from Drew and his heartbeat seemed to calm you down as you relaxed into him and at his touch. You moved slightly going to get up. Drew’s hold on you not giving way.

“Just, let me hold you for a minute longer… okay?”

You nodded against his chest, as he continued to hold you, you snaked your arm across his middle. You sat like that for a few minutes before his grip loosened. You sat up, looking at Drew. He brought his hands up cupping your face, using his thumbs to swipe away the tears still on your face, before leaning and placing a gentle kiss against your lips before pulling away and moving his hands down to rest on your thighs.

“Okay pretty girl, what’s gotten into that beautiful head of yours?”

You took a deep breath, looking Drew in his deep chocolate brown eyes. “It’s not important, It’s dumb Drew.”

“Nothing is dumb baby, what made you feel like that? You know if you don’t talk it out with me it's going to bug you during filming.” He added.

You closed your eyes knowing he was right. “I well, I was in the tent with Vanessa and Madelaine and everything was fine, I mean I’m nervous as hell to do this pool party scene...and they were calming me down but then they were needed and then when they got up,” you sucked in a breath. “They were just so beautiful in their bikinis, and I’m just well I have to wear one, I mean just the top half since Jordan and I won’t be in the pool just on the side...and I just felt so unpretty and…”

“Oh Y/N/N, you are so beautiful, you’ve got more for me to love baby.”

You gave a half smile. “And, then I was, well am nervous so nervous about being revealed as Jordan’s love interest on the show, and then he walked in making some remark about being ready to be his girlfriend and then… I well, I ran.”

“Jordan is gonna steal you away from me isn’t he?” Drew smiled teasing you, trying to get you to laugh.

You smacked his chest playfully, giving a small laugh. “No one could steal me away from you.” You paused your smile fading. “I just am not ready for the hate. I mean you guys are best friends, I’m your girlfriend, and then I’m going to be Sweet Pea’s in Riverdale? You know how many people, well girls are going to hate me?”

Drew took your hands in his. “Baby, Jordan, well he was just being Jordan. I’ll tell him to back off if I need to okay, and as for the hate It’s a show and hopefully people will understand that and if they love Jordan and myself as much as they say they do then hopefully they know how much we both love you, and that will stop them from sending any hate or making any comments. As far as the pool scene, I already know I’m going to have trouble taking my eyes off of you because you are going to be so smokin babe.”

You laughed at his last comment, the worries in your mind fading. “How do you do it Drew?”

“Do what Y/N/N?”

“You just know. Know what to say, know what to do, I mean I’m a handful sometimes and my anxiety and confidence issues don’t help especially when you look like well you look like you.”

“I’ve known you for six years Y/N, and we’ve been together four of those. I’ve learned some tricks, plus after your first panic attack I may have done some hard core research on tips and tricks to help.”

“You did?”

“Of course I did baby, I hated that first time not knowing how to help I still remember not being able to help, it killed me that day so I researched a little and then learned a little more along the way”

“Oh Drew, how’d I get so lucky?”

“I ask myself that every time I look at you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too pretty girl, now let's go smokeshow they need you on set.” He wiggled his eyebrows as he pulled you to him. “Gotta lose the hoodie baby.”

“But I don’t wanna” You ran around the trailer the short distance that was in it before Drew caught you slipping the hoodie over your head”

You rolled your eyes, as the hoodie came off revealing your bikini top and painted on Serpent tattoo that was displayed on your chest.

Drew let out a whistle. “Oh man, Sweet Pea is one lucky guy.”

You playfully pushed him as you grabbed his hand as the both of you headed out the trailer and towards the set.

“Y/N, you good?” Jordan asked as he ran up to you both in his Sweet Pea attire.

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Drew here is pretty amazing at getting me out of my head.”

Jordan smiled as he clapped Drew on the back. “Alright man, your girlfriend is now mine.” Jordan teased.

Drew turned into angry Fangs pretty quickly, deepening his voice a bit. “Don’t fall in love with her.”

Jordan placed his hand over his heart in mock offence. “Oh too late my man.”

You laughed at the antics of both the boys, “alright you two lets get this done so we can go eat.”

“A woman after my own heart.” Drew placed his hand over his heart.

“You know it baby.” You winked as you got yourself into character, Jordan and yourself heading over to the side of the pool as you both put your legs in.

“Alright and we are rolling!”

You spared a glance at Drew who gave you a wide smile and blew a kiss, before looking back to Jordan starting your lines.

#drew ray tanner x reader #drew ray tanner imagine #drew ray tanner x plus!size reader #riverdale imagine #riverdale x reader #riverdale x you #riverdale reader insert #Riverdale x plus!size reader

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wurwurz · 5 years

Text

I was tagged by @adaline-hiero, thank you sweetie.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My mother.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? I used to be very shy at school and university era, even as a young adult. I wouldn't say I'm outgoing now. But not shy anymore. Right in the middle.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My mother and my brother because they are all the family I have left. My dog because he's my baby.

4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I've never ever been drunk in my life. No interest.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? The ones who could not be attracted to me. The Hiddleston and Cumberbatch kind (funny, smart, artist, educated, gentleman, caring, giving, handsome but doesn't act like he God knows it, heartful, sensitive...)

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Nah.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? My dash shows me a lot of Brie Larson content these days (due to Marvel) and I envy her silhouette, mainly her boobs.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Online ? Nah. Face to face, depends.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My dog. "How not to pee in the kitchen when mom is in the bedroom".

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Damned Quasimodo !” to my brother (Notre Dame de Paris burning).

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? I don't listen to the radio, so I barely listen to "new" songs.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Kids, no. Lover, yes.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? As much as I believe in Nessy.

15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to the Provence.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? That's not even a question. Just logic. Yes there is life on other planets and I hope it is nothing like humans.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No.

19. Do you like bubble baths? I prefer showers.

20. Do you like your neighbors? Two look like serial killers, one is 110 years old, one obviously doesn't know what a shower is for, two other kill my nose sensitivity everytime they open their door, one loves to play music until 4 in the morning. Noooope.

21. What are you bad habits? I try to do 10 things at once. Worse is that I do succeed.

22. Where would you like to travel? London.

23. Do you have trust issues? If I understand the question right, ooooh yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going back home in the evening.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My thumbs because I've got brachydactyly.

26. What do you do when you wake up? I rub my eyes and I complain about me not sleeping enough.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? My skin is as white as Olaf and I love it. It never gets tanned, it's fascinating. I turn red and then all white again.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My mum.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No.

30. Do you ever want to get married? Not really.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Tom and Benedict and meeeee.

33. Spell your name with your chin. I have no dea what that one means.

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Yes, shopping and I've very good at it.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Depends. Sometimes I listen to music for hours everyday and sometimes I don't listen to a single tune. Same for TV.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? I laugh.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? The answer will sound so teenish. The two actors I feel for.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Decoration stores.

40. What do you want to do after high school? I am 43, honey.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Some yes, others neva eva.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I've just woken up.

43. Do you smile at strangers? If they walk their dog, yes. Though I first smile at the dog.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Asgard.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? An invisible force stronger than me.

46. What are you paranoid about? Losing the 2 only members of my family.

47. Have you ever been high? No and not willing to be.

48. Have you ever been drunk? No, police officer.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I was made for acting bad. ^^

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? I don't wear hoodies.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes. Currently wishing I was Bobby Hiddleston. But I wouldn't enjoy being that furry for long.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? More confident.

53. Favourite makeup brand? Revolution Beauty for cheap brand. Make Up For Ever.

54. Favourite store? Make up ? Sephora

55. Favourite blog? Some I love equaly, so no name.

56. Favourite colour? Green.

57. Favourite food? Pizza.

58. Last thing you ate? Foret noire (Bonte Divina).

59. First thing you ate this morning? Nesquik + Princes Lu.

60. Ever won a competition? Yes, if work competition are included. My boss didn't know if he should keep me or the other girl (I knew he preferd the other girl because of her short skirts), so he gave us tests. I won. Hehehe.

61. Been suspended/expelled? No comprendo.

62. Been arrested? For what? No.

63. Ever been in love? Yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? No, I won't.

65. Are you hungry right now? A bit. But on a diet for one day so I'm not gonna ruin it already !

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I hate them all !!! lol

67. Facebook or Twitter? Sick of Facebook. Too unpretty for my standards and too full of boring stuff. Twitter.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr !

69. Are you watching tv right now? Yes.

70. Names of your bestfriends? Tic and Tac.

71. Craving something? What? Another one I don't get. What is to crave ?

72. What colour are your towels? Taupe (light brown).

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One ergonomic.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No but I wished that my real living animal would like to sleep with me, but he doesn't. Chihuahuas...

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Me, none. My dog has over 20.

75. Favourite animal? Except dogs, gorillas.

76. What colour is your underwear? White.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Pistachio / Mint.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Depends.

80. What colour pants? Depends.

81. Favourite tv show? Sherlock.

82. Favourite movie? Bram Stoker's Dracula.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Since I don't know what it is, I guess... none !

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? I used to watch 21 Jump Street when I was a teenie with Depp that I already didn't like... Overrated actor.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Stop asking.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? The mean shark. Kidding. Dory.

87. First person you talked to today? My dog asking him if he had slept well. He never answered.

88. Last person you talked to today? My dog wishing him a good night. He never replied.

89. Name a person you hate? My grandmother. Wishing her the worst on earth (loooooong story).

90. Name a person you love? My mother + my own Myscroft.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? My grandmother now that you brought that back.

92. In a fight with someone? No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? None. That's a fashion no for anybody.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? No hoodie. Sweaters a bunch.

95. Last movie you watched? Crappy movies on Netflix and I have no idea how they were called...

96. Favourite actress? Sigourney Weaver.

97. Favourite actor? Benedict Cumberbatch because he blew me away too many times. Tom Hiddleston is a great contender.

98. Do you tan a lot? Not at all. But I do get red.

99. Have any pets? One chihuahua, Cookie, 9 years old. Had another chihuahua named Bobby who passed away last year. He was 11.

100. How are you feeling? Ok? I'm at home watching Notre Dame burning. I'm sad.

101. Do you type fast? Kind of.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Sadly yes.

103. Can you spell well? Yes.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? My father. He passed away in 2015.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? No idea what it is.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Happened.

107. Have you ever been on a horse? My friend told me it was a horse and confessed it was just a big poney afterwards.

108. What should you be doing? Giffing !

109. Is something irritating you right now? I'm biting a nail and I've just ruined it.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues? You've already asked that one, parrot.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mother.

113. What was your childhood nickname? "Nini la sauce".

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? I went to Germany to meet an actor I don't care about now. I met online buddies, visited Germany. Was great.

115. Do you play the Wii? PLAYSTATION !!!

116. Are you listening to music right now? Nope.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? No.

118. Do you like Chinese food? No.

119. Favourite book? The vampire Lestat, Anne Rice.

120. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Love it.

121. Are you mean? Hehehe, yesssss.

122. Is cheating ever okay? No. Never.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? No, not with a doggie.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? A bit, that thing is too long.

127. What makes you happy? When my bank doesn't call to complain about my empty account.

128. Would you change your name? Noooo. Marilyn is a beautiful name. Merci, maman.

129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius.

130. Do you like subway? Never used subway.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? God that silly thing happened. That was embarrassing. He was just a friend, not someone I ever felt for. That has ruined our friendship, he was kind of married.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Not kidding, you have already asked the same question, right ?

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “shoo-be-doo-be-doo" by Madonna. Yeah, that's deep.

134. Can you count to one million? Happy to know I have always had better things to do.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? "I hadn't noticed that Cookie had vomited right there, mom, promise". For the record, she cleaned. *g*

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed door ! I live in the french Bronx !

137. How tall are you? 162 cm. Something like... 28 cm shorter than Tom Hiddleston.

138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy.

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette with one or two white hair already.

140. Summer or Winter? Summer. I hate, like really really hate winter.

141. Night or Day? Night.

142. Favourite month? July.

143. Are you a vegetarian? I'm weirdian. I don't like meat, I don't like vegetables. I am a pain in the ass when you ask me to come diner.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk chocolate.

145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee. Benedict can keep all the tea.

146. Was today a good day? Until my country lost one of its most iconic monument, yes.

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars.

148. What’s your favourite quote? “If it bleeds, we can kill it”. ^^

149. Do you believe in ghosts? No but Zach Bagans would make me say yes.

150. Do you tag anyone else to do this? I always fear I bore my mutuals with these, so nope.

#I was tagged #ask game #that was a damn long one #thank you !

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thefinishpiece · 5 years

Text

Aspects Of Character

Justine just couldn’t go on.

There was something about the wind—unfriendly, unraveling—motions of the earth unbraided from momentum’s frame. She worried if anything ever tilted the wrong way, she’d go plummeting off the surface of the world, plunging to a deep dark where nobody ever spoke music or played poetry.

In the bedside of her worry, there was also panic—vital as a venomous fang—debilitating her, reducing a once bright and effusive joy to weakened form. And yes, it is true that Justine was once a child of devouring curiosity, with an appetite for experience that led her to corners and cracks of rooms nobody ever bothered looking in or acknowledging as even being there.

And what did she find?

She found that caterpillars enjoy fingers, crawling over them in fuzzy parade, celebrating flesh as one and the same across all dimensions, whether human or millipede*.

She also discovered the delights of pineapples and peppers on pizza—her preferred choice—much to the dismay of any accompanying party, who’d rather a plain or pepperoni because they were boring and inconsolably useless. But she loved her flavors, something about sweet and spicy and the marvelous colors of contrast.

Or the dusty, forgotten music-box, which when winded-up and opened, displayed a robotic ballerina, spinning in mechanical ritual, a circular refrain to match lullaby riffs of dreary noise, luring young Justine to sleep, the act of voyeurism now chemically real and participant.

But Justine couldn’t go on—not in the same way she had been going—not anymore.

It had been a while since she was that sculpture of youth. That doe-eyed cherub, rolling blithely through every scene of life, never appreciating the moment because at the time it felt only like the beginning, and she could save her memory’s space for other tomorrows. It is only now she realizes her foolishness in believing she had yet to truly begin, when in actuality she had already finished. And that dazed nostalgia which plagues one in the end…

Justine thought it was a good thing she never took her memories so seriously—she might have missed out on enjoying them presciently, concerned too much with how they’d shape up in the future rather than how they felt right then and there.

Her bruises were unseen. However, she grappled with herself to conceal them anyway. But the wind curled such veils into revealing hooks, and they caught her by the lip and dragged her to regret’s wake, where she was dissolved wave by wave.

Nothing could make Justine go on.

She blamed herself, though she shouldn’t have. It wasn’t her fault that time does not adore permanence.

All Justine ever wanted was to do-over everything she had ever done—and change everything she had ever wanted. And as she looked down on her scars, each one a unique trophy of past fury, both victories and defeats, she wondered why her story had been told.

No clear resolution could be gleaned from her messy narrative, which sidewinded across ups-and-downs, never settling on a definitive point. Never addressing missing arcs. Never fixing leaking holes. Never admitting failure on its part to provide closure and serenity for its protagonist.

Justine, now owing authorship to herself, trying her best to revise history in a way that makes her appear like someone who did not waste every opportunity given to her.

In her careful penmanship, she traced the grace of a girl who did exactly what she was supposed to do and was met with success and love and accomplishment and—most significantly of all—closure.

But Justine knew she wasn’t going to get any of that.

There was no conclusive point for someone attending their first school dance, all alone, floating in the corner where light could not reach, watching everyone else laugh and move and play. She was afraid then. Even when a pleasant boy emerged from the crowd, assaulted by his bangs, crooked in his posture, but his face a nice shape and smile a welcoming symbol, asking Justine if she wanted to dance. But all she could do was tremble her throat, then shake her head. The boy’s smile retreated into his hole, and with hands in pockets, he walked away, disappointment hanging over him as if he’d been waiting all year to ask Justine for a dance—and she had been waiting too.

Or when she matured, a newly-minted visage, and seemed unable to garner attention from anyone no matter what she did. She’d cut her hair in fanciful strands, dye it neon-stains, pluck unnecessary hair from her limbs and center, shove crushed-clay on her lips and puff up like a needle-fish—yet nobody noticed her.

And so—where was the closure when she started avoiding meals and vomiting into toilets? Was the climax supposed to be the moment she took too many diet pills and began heaving blood and rot from her body, nearly choking to death? Was it epilogue when she woke up the following morning laying in a hospital bed, sterile bulbs stinging her eyes with plastic-bright, tubes pricked into her veins, turning her into nothing more than an unpretty puppet?

Possibly the true height of her story came after she failed out of school, letting her parents and relatives and friends all down—letting herself down. That ever-elusive piece of paper marking her as a capable adult and productive participant in society, now torched to ash and smoke, as immaterial to her now as it was before.

But it was a flaw of her character, right? It was she who refused to participate, to focus, to do what she needed to do to succeed. Instead, she wasted her time on pointless distractions and tangential plot-breaks involving parties and depressive power-naps.

In her final act, she never returned to the original outline, abandoning her play, running off-stage in temper and tears.

And now she has become a paradox—unfinished yet totally over.

If only she could have had the control—she could have written her story the way she wanted. But she never knew what she wanted. She always assumed life would disclose her desires for her. That she’d know it when she’d seen it.

If only she could start over—a new draft. Forget edits, forget revision, forget notes—a blank slate, a fresh and empty page. An entirely new story with a completely new character. Just so long as it was someone else—someone besides Justine. Otherwise, our new story would be just as doomed.

The problem was not the plot. It was not the themes. It was not the style. It was her—it was that this character of Justine had irredeemable flaws and a startling lack of personality.

The worst of it, though, was that she despised herself. How can a character possibly function properly if it despises itself? How can a character exist if it always wishes itself out of existence?

There was no answer that could keep Justine continuing this charade.

She doubted whether her memories meant anything to her or to whatever audience it was she seemed to be entertaining. How did they feel watching her grow up? How did they react when she went from combing the hair of her dolls to leaping face-first in to a toilet, over and over again, until she was a mannequin, carved in porcelain-bone, removed of meaningful flesh, appearing more like a blueprint of a human rather than the actual thing?

Maybe they grimaced—just like her—and begged their omniscient writer to choose a different subject and write about someone—nay, anyone—else.

Justine sighed.

Why was she so boring? So ugly? Why did she care so much about physical appearance? Why did she care so much about doing nothing with herself? Why did she both crave and loathe the attention of others? Why did she ever think any explanation or expression of herself would even matter?

“I just want to be Justine, but I don’t know who Justine is...”

No response. Did they think she was in a monologue?

So, like any predictable outcome, you can probably guess what she did next. Because she decided to just end it all. All stories end—hers did not have the strength to be any different.

No more going on. No more being here. No more—wait, what was her name again?

#aspectsofcharacter #thefinishpiece #dilonzeres #prose #poetry #verse #irrealism

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o-dasaku · 5 years

Note

i was wondering if you could explain the descriptions on your fgc posts and how they relate to the characters? i'm v interested

oooo for sure

don’t you (forget about me) > don’t you try and pretend, it’s my feeling we’ll win in the end.

this one’s kind of obvious, the back half of the lyric is my brot3 tag for blamtina - they’re altogether hopeful kids that go through some (a lot of) shitty times. they’ll come out on top in the end, they’re sure of it.

here comes the sun > here comes the sun and i say, it’s all right.

it’s a metaphor!!!!!!!! dani’s the sun, you fools!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t want to say that santana spent all of s4 hung up on brittany, but santana spent all of s4 hung up on brittany. i have no doubt she hooked up with her fair share of beautiful ladies, but she definitely didn’t date - i don’t think it’s because she was waiting for brittany to dump sam (okay she was, but not so they could be together again), i think she genuinely just didn’t feel super comfortable with it - she never really dated brittany, they were best friends and then they were girlfriends too and santana doesn’t want to leap into that minefield for the first time with just anybody.

enter: daniella perea, struggling musician who picks up a job at spotlight to help pay the bills and gets along with everybody, which is fucking rare because 90% of that diner’s staff are broadway divas in waiting (and santana) so people take notice and santana doesn’t want to like her, but she does. she really does.

so moving on from britt is hard and it’s scary, but it’s alright. she has dani. they’ll figure it out.

creep > i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.

i almost picked like twenty different lyrics here because it’s a Very Them song, but i feel like this speaks very well to their characters: this lyric is rachel in a nutshell, she doesn’t just want to the best, she wants to be perfect. it speaks to brody because it’s the antithesis to him: he doesn’t care to be perfect, he just wants to be himself (who, lucky him, happens to be very talented).

sidenote: i think brochel really work on that level, rachel challenges brody to want to be better while brody can remind rachel that being less than perfect is perfectly okay. i’m still sad about how they treated him.

never can say goodbye > though i try and try to hide my feelings, they always seem to show.

listen, i hate to draw riverdale/glee comparisons, but quinn’s veronica lodge. you want fire, cheryl bombshell? sorry, but my speciality’s ice. quinn wants to be cold, wants to be this untouchable ice queen but-

she just isn’t (just like veronica, funnily enough). quinn fabray feels so much and isn’t that just the worst? i don’t think quinn wears her heart on her sleeve the way so many characters on this show do, but she feels things very strongly, much to her own annoyance. whether or not the world sees isn’t really up to her either, as much as she wishes it was.

(on the riverglee comparisons: santana is cheryl, puck is reggie and sam is archie. i know people cast finn as archie but ehhhh. i don’t have anything super solid on anyone else, but rachel is probably betty and kurt is probably kevin (i’m not saying that because they’re both gay, more “i exist solely to prop up betty/rachel when needed”). jbi is evelyn from the farm and i will hear No Arguments on that.)

being alive > i’ll always be there as frightened as you to help us survive being alive.

i’ll be honest, there is an infinitely more kurt line in this song (someone to crowd you with love/someone to force you to care/someone to make you come through) but um, this is literally one of my top 3 musical theatre songs and that lyric is one of my absolute favorite lyrics ever, musicals or otherwise.

but this line does relate to kurt (and blaine, i guess- this song is clearly meant to implicate him- for the first time, i really know what it means) well enough. i know there’s a fuckton of kurt and death meta but i don’t claim to know him well enough to make sense of any of it so we’ll look at this very shallowly - i think kurt experiences life quite differently to the normal person, and we can owe that to his mother’s death or the long term bullying or whatever tickles your pickle, but he does seem a little... removed, i think. i don’t think he’s afraid to be alive, but i do think he has a long list of reservations about being alive. i think that’s where blaine generally works for him, because blaine is so alive - even if he’s scared to death about it (see: sadie hawkins, the slushie incident, literal depression), sometimes.

i’m not here to shit on any ships, but i do wish i shipped klaine more. oh well. i’ll always have s2.

i feel pretty/unpretty > i was told i was beautiful, what does that mean to you?

i know this is a quinn line (and a very good one at that), but i find it interesting when i apply it to both of the girls. quinn and rachel are both very beautiful, though in clearly different ways - and they both have trouble believing that. or more accurately, quinn finds herself beautiful but not her self.

anyway. i wonder if quinn’s parents ever called her beautiful, before she was quinn. they seem incredibly shallow, even if judy develops away from that - i have a headcanon that lucy was very close with their pastor (not...in a creepy way jdsdlaks) and he was pretty much the only positive interaction she had with any elders until after quinn was a thing but ANYWAY he always told lucy that she was a beautiful person but only tells quinn that she looks lovely. that informs a lot of this performance (especially this line) for me. anyway. whatever.

so to rachel: her brief interactions with her fathers make me think that she grew up being told she was beautiful quite often, but then her peers are always telling her differently - i have no doubt that places more esteem in her father’s opinions, but i’m sure that being told two different things would confuse the fuck out of a kid. quinn was likely spearheading the “crazy berry is ugly” craze in their freshman year, so. i don’t know. the what does that mean to you? is an interesting question for that line of thought.

being good won’t be good enough > i’ll be the best or i’ll be nothing at all.

please, she said emphatically.

everytime > every time i try to fly, i fall; without my wings, i feel so small.

listen. what a marley mood.

it’s all coming back to me now > there were things i’d never do again, but then they’d always seemed right.

rachel Fucks Up A Lot. we been knew. i do think she learns from a lot of her fuck-ups (not all, see: leaving nd for cabaret and then leaving funny girl for that’s so rachel), but she did genuinely think she was doing the right thing a lot of the time (see: telling finn about drizzle’s true paternity and robbing puck and quinn of that opportunity) and i don’t think she’d change much, if she had another chance - she just wouldn’t go repeating the bare majority of fuck ups.

hand in my pocket/i feel the earth move > and what it comes down to, my friends, is that everything’s just fine, fine, fine.

listen, considering this is their proposal song, i would’ve hoped for something a bit more meaningful. but i do think that there is something to the simplicity of this song, - brittany and santana are happy. they have no issues this season (outside of britt’s bridezilla tendencies) and as much as they’ve always been the type to get their feelings out via song (see: landslide, songbird, mine), they’re definitely at a point where they can just. talk about their feelings.

their song is simple because they are too, finally. what it all comes down to? they’re fine, fine, fine. :P

human nature > see that girl? she knows i’m watching, she likes the way i stare.

another song i almost picked like, five different lyrics for lmao. while the others spoke nicely to characters, this lyric is quite indicative of their mid-s3 relationship (mercy is still w shane, sam’s trying to push in on that) and uh, i think this is an unpopular opinion. so. hang tight, kids.

while mercedes and sam were certainly attracted to one another, i think there’s a few more things at play here: sam likes being in a relationship, knows that he and mercedes could be good together and he’s trying to recapture being sixteen again, so dating the girl he’d been embarking on something with is a pretty great way to do that. mercedes? i think she likes the attention, likes actually being noticed. she likes the way he stares, basically. (i’m dropping lyrics into explanations now, sue me.)

crazy/u drive me crazy (you guys are all on notice for letting this flop, btw) > tell me i’m not in the blue, that i’m not wasting my feelings on you.

marley’s spent all episode being warned against jake, but i think it’s interesting that she’s basically seeking him out here and asking are they right? his response leaves something to be desired (tell me i’m the only one you’ll see) but at least it’s a conversation they’re having? it does speak well to marley for the rest of the time she’s on the show - she’s best when talking her issues/concerns out (see: her eating disorder v her wanting to stay abstinent, neither end well for her but she seems more at peace with the latter) while jake is. jake.

(i love jake always!!!!!!!!!!)

and finally, need you now > guess i’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

i changed this like, twenty times. the alternative was their ship tag (and i wonder if i ever cross your mind/for me it happens all the time), but i think this speaks a lot more strongly for their characters than that does to their relationship. puck and rachel are both very all-or-nothing characters, but 99% of the time they’re going to pick all. it fucks them over a lot of the time, but i don’t think they regret it much.

#this is. so long #i might update it as new ones are posted but WHO KNOWS #never ask me things i ramble too much #answered #Anonymous

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somebunnynew · 4 years

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Yes, early motherhood was HARD and I made it look even harder. It was written all over me. I reeked of it. I waded through it heavy-boned like a cautionary tale of how 'not' to do this. I held the look of a newly born mother for years. The look of someone uncomfortable in her own skin; a rocking, pacing state of constant high alert. I was always afraid of something. Things that now seem quite trivial; failed naps, rejected meals, public meltdowns; all the self-prescribed markings of failure. I'm not sure what exactly took the edge off but slowly the weight lifted, and the outside world felt like mine again. I could be both myself and a mother. I can see the beauty in it now; my matrescence in all its awkward glory, the growing pains, the slow unpretty transformation into becoming mum. And I would do it all again. Because it ended with you. -------------------------------------- Words: Karen McMillan (Mother Truths) Image: @brookesmartillustration #truedat #worthit #whatanadventurewithyou #loveyou #becomingme #somebunnynew — view on Instagram https://ift.tt/2A6u0G1

#Instagram #IFTTT

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k1ngj0ve · 7 years

Text

my personal opinions

ME1

Story:Great Visuals:Bad Gameplay: Bad. Nearly Unplayable. Dont @ me Tone:Serious Space Business

ME2

Story: GREAT Visuals: Great! Very Stylish. Everything is dark, gritty, and unpretty, but stylized in a cool way to make up for limitations. I appreciate the effort that went into unique character designs, even though literally all meshes are grainy and fucked up and the game glitches constantly Gameplay: Bad. I hate fighting and moving around. Im wearing a metal suit in magnet town. I get stuck on everything, i hate the maps, im always lost, running lurches the camera around drunkenly, i cant jump, they wont let me be a biotic with a sniper rifle at the same time, my companions are afraid of battles and hide from enemies rather than help me. In the final battle Garrus and Mordin literally Would Not leave the hallway and help me fight Tone: The galaxy sucks and is more capitalist and unhappy than earth, but at least we’ve got guns and authority to abuse, and thats pretty cool i guess

ME3

Story: Pretty Okay Visuals: Pretty Okay. Very stylish and cool but still so ugly and gritty. My shep was crosseyed with strange cakebatter skin, everything is so weirdly lit that it looks like the worst elements of DC films Gameplay: Bad. The edges of your murder hallways are incredibly obvious so you never forget how small every world is. Shep is TOO CLOSE to the camera and it makes me physically ill. Still can’t jump, but at least i can roll around Tone: Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die, come drink some space beer

MEA

Story: Pretty Okay Visuals: REALLY PRETTY but no style at all. ((Example: Addisons gaudy makeup. I dont think this is a glitch, i think the person in charge knew exactly what they were going for, they just have bad taste. Same as with the turian and krogan colouring and things like that-- bad taste rather than poor execution.)) Noticeable lack of variety in Turian/Krogan/Angara/Asari character models and costume, which is suprisingly, since it shouldve been a quick and easy thing to fix?? Gameplay: GREAT. This was the most fun game to play, i could jump SO much, i could dash, run, dodge, everything. I got to pick the powers i liked, fighting was natural and i never got trapped. The worlds full, open, big, and the nomad is a TREAT. I will replay this game for the fun and joy of exploring and fighting Tone: We came to andromeda to escape war and poverty, set up farms, plant gardens, fall in love, and Honestly we are feeling So Attacked right now

#mass effect #me1 #me2 #me3 #me:a #mass effect 1 #mass effect 2 #mass meffect 3 #mass effect andromeda

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aliceslantern · 6 years

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Nocturnal Memory, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 19

[Summary: Dying takes a lot out of you, it's true, but when Demyx wakes up for the first time since his fight with Sora nothing's right. His memories are fragmented and he's missing his true name. And he's not the only one. An incomprehensible mystery and an inevitable war make him question what, exactly, he would do to become whole, and reclaim the music lost to him.

on FF.net/on AO3]

Demyx had been sleeping strangely, either dead to the world for hours at a time, or so lightly as to be unable to tell the difference between asleep and awake. That same memory still haunted him as he tried to sleep, of his mother's immobile form. He felt no grief, just a strange paralyzed detachment, a numbness he could practically taste. To him, it was even more disturbing than if he were openly mourning; it was all too much like being a Nobody. What about the other people that had been in his life? Were they gone too?

Needless to say with all these thoughts a good night's sleep was a crapshoot. It led to him being crabby and snippy, which Lea teased him endlessly for.

"Think this training is tiring? I was in Merlin's goddamn time pocket for weeks."

"That was your choice," Demyx pointed out.

"And this was yours," Lea said. "Now let me see your form."

He had a point. All this hard, tedious work; Demyx had undertaken it on purpose. Sometimes he really just wanted to give up, especially because it seemed that nothing good would come of it. But other times, he would be enjoying his time with the rest of the committee, and realize that maybe life after the Organization wasn't that bad.

He didn't seem to be having any luck on the guitar front, though he had spent hours and hours scouring the rooms full of junk. There had to be something of use; he must be missing something obvious. All this searching made him frustrated and, combined with the no-sleep days, his mood would be decidedly unpretty.

One afternoon several days after Merlin's arrival, Ienzo took him aside after breakfast. "There's something I recovered that you might find of interest," he said.

Demyx couldn't imagine what this might be. "Um, okay."

Ienzo smiled in that pinched way of his. "Come with me."

They proceeded down towards the library, but then trailed away towards a section Demyx was less familiar with. "So… what have you been up to?" He asked.

"Mostly… gathering information," Ienzo said.

"Still?"

"It's a massive job," Ienzo said. "My reading speed is far above average, but I can still only search through so many volumes a day. There are all of the castle reports, and the Organization reports, as well. Besides…" He exhaled. "I've been experiencing particularly troubling migraines lately."

"Have they been getting worse?"

Ienzo did not answer. He gestured to a plain wooden door. "This is it," he said. "I had nearly forgotten about this room. I know you've been having trouble with the guitar… I figure we could all benefit from it."

"…From?"

Ienzo opened the door. The room was large and bright, with empty cupboards, bookcases, and an industrial sink in the corner. "This used to be an art studio. Ansem the Wise liked to paint in his spare time, and he often brought me with him. Look." He gestured to a corner of the room. "We found it covered with sheets in a hidden corner of storage."

It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light. Next to the massive windows was an upright wooden piano. His breath caught.

"I played quite a bit as a child," Ienzo said. "I'm afraid it's in poor shape. I did try my best to tune it, but my ear is not exact. And there's the weather damage."

Demyx approached it warily. The bench was broken, and a book bolstered one of the legs. Woodgrain on the side panels was warped. He traced it with one callused finger.

"I found these among my childhood things," Ienzo continued, coming up next to him. He held up a few lesson books. "I figure… perhaps what little I know can help you."

His throat had closed up.

Ienzo sat down on the rickety bench and pulled out a piece of sheet music. "There's an old song Ansem the Wise was fond of," he said. "It's the one I remember best… Forgive me if I'm not as eloquent as you are." He lifted his fingers onto the stained keys and began to play.

Ienzo was right; the piano was out of tune. He staggered through several minutes of a long, sad, lonely piece. It reminded Demyx of aimless corridors. Ienzo was obviously out of practice, but he wasn't inherently bad.

His face was wet. He touched the tears and waited for some memory to attack from the shadows, but none came. The numbness in him deepened.

"Sit here," Ienzo said, patting the seat next to him.

"Why are you helping me?"

Ienzo touched some of the white keys. "I should hate to see us all struggling along alone," he said. "We'd be much better off helping one another." He flipped open one of the books to the first page. He touched a key towards the center of the keyboard. "This is middle C. Do you remember?"

The sound sat heavily in the room with them.

They spent about an hour or two a day working together at the piano. The scales and music on the page seemed foreign to him, even when it was explicitly spelled out what he should play and how. His hands were clumsy on the keys. Ienzo would play a scale somewhat effortlessly; Demyx would try to copy him down to the fingerings, but something in his mind crossed and he would stumble through it.

"It will take some practice," Ienzo said. "I suppose you must have lost your muscle memory as well."

Trying only reminded him of what he didn't have. When he was out and about with Lea and the committee, he could at least pretend that he was normal. This only served to show him how scrambled he really was.

He practiced. Diligently. His coordination fought him. His thumbs stumbled over the keys. As much as he tried to commit the notes of the treble and bass clefts to memory, it seemed to slip away from him.

"Try it one more time," Ienzo said to him. He played the simple song again; a child's nursery tune. "See where I place my hands."

Again Demyx felt hot and teary. "It's not working."

"Of course it won't happen overnight. You have to—"

"Practice. I know. I've been fucking practicing every minute I can. It doesn't seem to go in." He put his head in his hands. The discordant clang the piano made when he leaned into it caused Ienzo to flinch.

"Let me see," he said gingerly. "I'm afraid… I'm afraid I might butcher it…" He brushed Demyx's elbows off of the keyboard. He thought a moment, set his hands, and then moved them again. The first chord he played was deep and almost menacing. He hesitated, found a second chord, and adjusted it slightly. Ienzo combined the two chords and found his way into a song. The melody line was dreary, a slog; sad undertones carried through the mistakes.

"What's… that?" He asked. A couple of tears dribbled down his face, though he wasn't sure why.

"Do you recognize it?"

"I…" His head was starting to hurt. "I think so…"

"I would hope so." Ienzo repeated the first few bars again. "You wrote it."

The pain worsened. "I… I did?"

"Of course, I'm transposing—and poorly at that—but all the same. You played this quite often. We could never figure out why. You always changed it slightly, so I figured it was no folk song, but something of your own creation. I had always hoped to see you write it down. But evidently… you didn't. This one, I remember, as well." He played a few bars of another piece; this one was more whimsical, and lighter. "Nine?"

Demyx nodded. He covered his mouth. "You thought this would fix me," he said through a mouthful of tears.

Ienzo played the song through again. "There are no certainties." He moved his hands and gestured for Demyx to try.

The keys were still warm. The first chord came as a surprise to him. He tried to put the pieces together. His heart was beating hard in his chest and the headache bloomed larger. It took a few tries to find the right note. It came in pieces. The piano keys were clunky and unnatural. Hot water ran down his chin. His hands seemed to be resisting. He found he was muttering to himself; he whispered the note names under his breath. He couldn't get them to sound right. They were wrong, off, perverted—his hands shook and he shoved them between his knees.

Ienzo touched him on the shoulder and said nothing.

"I can't do this," he said through his teeth, with difficulty. "It's not right. It's broken. I—" His head throbbed steadily, consistently, in time with the song. The pain made everything shimmery. He couldn't breathe. He hovered on the edge of the memory and wondered whether or not to let go.

"…Nine?" Ienzo prompted.

He didn't move. Maybe if he stayed still enough it would go away. The pain tightened and the keyboard slipped out of focus.

"Nine?"

The memory started loudly and all at once. The bazaar was loud and crowded and smelled like any variety of things; perfume, incense, various types of food frying, and the sweat and humidity of too many people crammed in too small a space. Overhead dim lanterns hung from strings and poles, and strips of canvas and muslin swayed in the wind. The whole room seemed fuzzy and it was hot; sweat crawled all over his body.

He was trying to get through the crowds. It was a festival day. Almost everyone was covered in blue paint, and splotches of it caught on him as he tried to shove past. Some people didn't seem to notice, others grumbled. Other than chatter, it was quiet. They were waiting for the music to start.

Someone—or something, it was quite vague—was chasing him. It had followed him from that first shadow he'd seen at the pier, on the boat. It undulated.

"Stop!" the figure yelled. Nothing had been stolen, though. The wind intensified. He'd been spotted. He chanced a glance behind him as he continued shoving past; the crowd disappeared neatly into the pressing darkness. The lanterns snuffed out.

He had almost reached the stage. There wasn't much more town after that. The lights snuffed out one by one, quick and concise. People seemed to have turned still, and it was all so quiet. He could hear himself breathe. He jumped and reached for one of the sitars before being tackled sharply to the ground. His head knocked into the edge of the stage.

"Where do you think you're going?" the hooded figure asked. He was too disoriented to move. It picked him up under the arms and heaved him into darkness.

The floor was dusty and his heart clanged madly in his chest. Before he remembered the rest of his body he knew he was going to be sick, but all that came up was spit. His muscles shook.

"Nine?" Ienzo's voice gently asked.

Demyx couldn't respond. He tried to stop heaving and trembling. It didn't seem to do much good.

"I came as soon as I heard," Even's voice came from behind him.

"This one was much longer," Ienzo said.

Even helped him sit up. The whole room swam. His chest ached. Brightness stabbed at his eyes and he swatted blindly. The pen light clattered to the floor. He couldn't seem to catch his breath.

"Can you speak?" Ienzo asked.

"I saw…" Hoarse. "I saw him. Braig. As…"

"You remembered turning," Even said.

He hugged himself. His skin was slick with sweat; his shirt was practically stuck to him. "What the fuck—"

"It was only a memory," Even said.

"It still feels real to him," Ienzo said.

He felt at his chest. There was no blood or darkness there, just sweat and dirt. He pressed his face into his hands. He wanted to scream but wasn't sure he had the strength. His skin seemed to slither on him and he could almost see the darkness writhing on it.

"Should I—" Even asked.

"Not yet. I don't know if that would make it worse."

He could barely see them. The room was dim in the midafternoon. The pain subsided slowly, hesitantly, and the trembling gave way to pure exhaustion.

"Welcome back," Even said. He checked his vitals. Demyx sat there numbly.

"How long?" he asked. He still sounded breathless. "How long was I out?"

"I suppose it was about fifteen minutes," Ienzo said. He looked pale. "Though it was more of a seizure than a loss of consciousness."

No wonder all of him hurt. "…Really?"

He frowned. "This happened… before," he said. "During your first week… back. Before you really regained awareness."

"It makes sense," Even continued. "Every recovered memory triggers certain neuronal firing. I suppose more intense memories might manifest more physically than others."

"I'm tired," he said. He tried to stand and wobbled.

"Of course you should rest," Even said.

Alone, later, Demyx tried to sleep. He didn't want to think. While the memory didn't have the same sharpness as when it had been remembered, it was still slick and icky and made him feel cold all over.

He hadn't realized he'd been brought into the Organization by force.

Of course he had. He'd been, what, fifteen at the time? He knew he'd been recruited by Xigbar, but he hadn't made the connection that the transformation had been triggered directly by him. The Organization must have had some sort of way to sense the strong-willed. They needed vessels. To them, he'd been no more than a bottle. Besides, if he hadn't gotten scrapped up by them, what would have happened? The world fell. He would have become a Nobody, one way or the other.

He felt dirty. He'd taken his Nobody memories for granted, because they were the only substantial ones he had—were there gaps in those, too?

He lay still for a long time and counted the ceiling tiles.

#nocturnal memory #demyx #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 3d #fanfiction #in case anyone was wondering #the three songs ienzo plays are #via purifico from ffx #the thirteenth dilemma from kh2 #and piano etude i from rule of rose

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khiphopladies-blog · 7 years

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Female rappers challenge

Anyone who wants to take part is free to do so! You can answer with gif sets, edits or text posts if you wish to do so. Also you can answer to each part all together or make separate posts, for example for the six favorite female rappers you can answer in one post or more. And you can even pick which question you like to answer if not all. It’s up to you how you see the challenge through.

Obviously all of the answers need to be related to female rappers, this is female rappers challenge after all!

You can reblog this post to share and keep on track what part you still have to do. Remember to tag your answers with femalerapperschallenge . I would love to see and read others answers too.

I’ll be doing this as well so come on and join in! This is more or less for fun and to spread some love for the female rappers. Don’t be afraid to take part. Here are the questions:

1. 6 favorite rappers

2. 6 favorite songs

3. 3 favorite albums

4. 6 favorite MVs

5. 4 favorite friendships

6. 4 favorite collabs

7. Favorite season of Unpretty Rapstar

8. Favorite crew

9. 3 favorite idol rappers

10. 9 favorite looks

#khiphop #k hip hop #k hiphop #kpop #femalerapperschallenge #text post #text

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mooosicaldreamz · 7 years

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i was going to ask for faberry but then i promised myself i wouldnt be That Person™ but like..,,,,.,. no one asked for faberry.... I Must. i'll take anything you're willing to write and also im sorry

i don’t know what a faberry is but this is set in the summer between s1 and s2 and i didn’t do a ton of research about the state of affairs at the beginning of s2 because i’m not a LOSER and I DIDN’T LISTEN TO I FEEL PRETTY/UNPRETTY AND CRY. nO ONE SEND ME ANY MORE FABERRY PROMPTS BECAUSE I HAVE ENOUGH. thAnk YOU. FOR ur TIME. for the feels, enjoy this tag. also, this is for my 1k follower extravaganza. what are all you ppl doing here anyway?

“Rachel, sit down,” Kurt yelps, yanking Rachel back into her seat. The whole club’s at the shady carnival that sets up in the Kohl’s parking lot every summer in Lima, where all the rides are run by suspiciously tattooed, bearded men. Finn and Puck are starting a fight in line, having been cut off from boarding the ride with the rest of them. Santana laughs loudly at the affronted look on Rachel’s face.

They’re all shoved into this strange bear-shaped contraption that spins and spins until someone (usually Quinn) gets sick. Mercedes next to Kurt, Kurt next to Rachel, and Quinn in the enviable position of being between Santana and Rachel, in the very back of the bear. The furthest from the exit.

Before the ride even starts moving, Brittany is torquing the center table to get the bear to spin on its axis, and Quinn closes her eyes as Rachel and Kurt whisper fight over how Finn is behaving today. He’s being petulant; what else is new? Rachel and Finn are trying to pretend that they aren’t dating, maybe out of respect for Quinn, but it’s obvious and Quinn wishes it were something more than annoying, that she could - feel anger, or betrayal. But there’s not much more than the numb feeling that’s followed her around since -

The ride starts, Brittany starts spinning even faster, Santana joining in. She places her hands on the table in front of her, watching as the room spins faster and faster until she has to close her eyes. To push back against the nausea, she presses down on the metal of the table, and the burn on her palms from the friction is almost enough. She still throws up the minute she stumbles out of the damn thing, and only Rachel stops for half a second to look - well, something.

The Himalayas ride is next. The ex-con operating the ride is refusing to let Finn on the ride, because he’s “too tall” and Finn is too afraid to start a fight with him because the man is massive and has a face tattoo. Santana and Brittany settle into their car, Kurt and Mercedes into another, and Puck and Quinn and Rachel stare around at each other before Puck spots a single female rider and grins at her until he’s in her car.

So that’s how she ends up on the outside seat of the car with Rachel clinging to the other side.

“How are you feeling?” Rachel asks, while they wait for the rest of the riders to file into their seats and for Finn to stop distracting the operator with his whining. There had not really been a height maximum on the ride, and Quinn’s certain that she’s even ridden this ride with Finn before - so she feels a certain thankfulness to him. Well - some thankfulness, because when she takes a glance at Rachel, she looks pitying and sad.

“I’m fine,” Quinn says. She is fine. She is fine.

“Right,” Rachel says, shifting in her seat and looking around the ride and further onto the carnival and further onto the Kohl’s parking lot, overrun with people and children and young parents pushing their babies in strollers. “I meant…I’m asking about…”

“Yeah, I don’t exactly want to talk about that with you,” Quinn says. Rachel blinks, nods. The ride starts moving then and Quinn can’t help but laugh as she watches Rachel cling harder to her side of the car’s handrail to prevent herself from sliding up against Quinn. Rachel looks flabbergasted by the noise, her eyes going wide.

“Just let go,” Quinn says. “You’ll break your arm if you try to fight it.”

So Rachel does let go, and Quinn opts to ignore the rush of warmth that floods through her when Rachel’s body settles against hers and stays firmly pressed there as they go up and down and all around.

The fun house is not much fun. Santana refuses to go on it because she “needs some food” aka she hates clowns and the funhouse is clown-themed, and of course Brittany goes with her, and Kurt begs off to go buy some cotton candy with Finn, who the operator claims will smack his head on a doorway. Puck rushes Mercedes straight into the spinning walkway, ready to catch her if she falls, and Kurt lingers at the entryway, talking to the operator - who Quinn really thinks he should not be attempting to flirt with.

So it’s just Rachel and her, in the mirror maze. It’s quiet in there, populated only by the sounds of distant children shrieking, the mechanical groans of the building around them. Rachel’s staring is louder than all of that, though, and Quinn directs a glare at her, hanging out by her shoulder for “navigation purposes.”

“What is it?” Quinn asks, finally, after she bumps into a third straight wall and decides to just stop and let whatever Rachel needs to say come out. It’s exhausting, all of a sudden, to have to stand, so she rests against the mirrored wall and tries to give a good glare. Rachel looks softly back, however.

“I just - well, I’m worried about you,” Rachel says. Not unkindly, but it grates at Quinn - she feels hot all over all of a sudden, like she wants to cry and yell and -

“Don’t,” Quinn snaps. Rachel doesn’t even seem fazed.

“It’s been a month since - ”

“What part of don’t doesn’t make sense to you, Berry?” Quinn asks.

“ - and I know that Santana and Brittany have been doing Cheerios and Puck has been - Puck - ”

“And you’ve been gallivanting off with Finn,” Quinn says, happy to take ahold of something that will derail this ridiculous conversation, will get her out of this stupid maze and stupid town, will get Rachel out of her face and Quinn can just be numb and she doesn’t have to think about anything.

“I’m not going to start a reductive argument over a boy with you, Quinn, when I’m concerned about you and about how you’re handling giving Beth up for adoption,” Rachel says, and Quinn freezes. Something cold and numbing sweeps into her hands and she has to clench them. She turns around, finds herself looking straight into the mirror she had bumped into. Rachel is right behind her, looking - so sympathetic and kind. Not even her mother looks as her like that. And it makes Quinn so mad.

“I care about you, Quinn,” Rachel says. “I just want you to - be okay.”

And she reaches out to touch Quinn’s hand, still clenched, still empty-feeling and like the nerves have gone fuzzy. When Rachel’s soft, smaller hand connects with hers, fire bursts into fill the spaces between the bones and muscle and it feels like she might explode suddenly. Her blood is rushing around in her head, there’s something warm building up in her chest, and she can’t breathe, can’t handle this -

She looks in the mirror again, where Rachel is staring at her plaintively. When she looks at herself - well, she just sees blonde hair and hazel eyes and that’s all. There’s no expression, no special thing, nothing worth remembering and easy to forget and leave aside. But Rachel, somehow, is looking at her like there’s something.

When she turns back to look at Rachel, a strange feeling shocks through her. A bolt, an urge, to tip forward and to slide her hands into Rachel’s hair and to -

“I have to go,” Quinn says, tugging her hand free and feeling for the wall behind her to find the edge so she can get out of this maze, and go home and stare at the ceiling and not think about - think about this.

“Quinn,” Rachel says, following after her, but Quinn makes it out of the maze quickly then, dashes past Puck and Mercedes, out of the Tunnel of Love and into the sunset.

When she manages to get home, manages to stop feeling like she’s shaking, she lies on her bed and closes her eyes and lets herself think, just the littlest bit, about that strange feeling that had shot through her. She had never felt it before - or rather, had never thought to identify it for what it was. She wants to kiss Rachel Berry. She likes Rachel Berry. And it’s all a mess, because Quinn? Quinn’s nothing, a former pregnant high schooler, not even a mother, barely a daughter, has nothing to her name - will be stuck here in Lima for the rest of her life. Not unless she somehow manages to battle back, but - that all seems so far out of reach right now, cloistered in her bedroom.

For the first time in a month, she lets herself cry.

#faberry what #cassie writes fic #1K FOLLOWER EXTRAVAGANZA #all of you can get fucked #i cried when i wrote this and i think i probably have something like it already #also no research was done so dont talk to me if i did something wrong #its a set up fic for my headcanon of quinn's state of mind in s2 #so all of u need to get REAL WITH GOD #and accept that quinn realized she liked rachle berry in between s1 and s2

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gordo5617-blog · 7 years

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K-pop Fashion and Lyrics as a Shift of Gender Expectation in South Korea

Figure 1: South Korea Celebrates Confucian

Introduction

The ancient and modern Korean culture are heavily influenced by Confucianism (Kim & Hahn, 2006, p. 3). Confucianism is a belief towards a system of education, ceremony, and civil administration (Kim & Hahn, 2006, p. 3). The Sam-Kang-Oh-Ryun (The Three Fundamental and Five Moral Laws) is a set of rules and beliefs which have influenced the family system and gender expectations in South Korea (Kim & Hahn, 2006, p. 3). In the Confucianism belief, women are expected to act in a certain way. In addition, the Confucianism belief acts as a set of rules in which women are expected to follow. Palley (1990) states “one of the tenets of Confucianism requires three obediences of women: to the father when young; husband when married; and to the son in old age” (p. 6). Therefore, the Confucian code is sometimes used to justify a separate and unequal role for women (Palley, 1990, p. 6). Despite many centuries of inequality between male and female in traditional South Korean society, modernization has brought some changes in the position of women in South Korea (Palley, 1990, p. 6).

Figure 2: K-pop World Festival

The term Hallyu (Korean Wave) were given in the early 2000s to emphasise on the sudden increase in popularity of Korean pop music (Kim, 2016). The rise of popularity started when the Korean wave is indebted to the media liberalisation that swept across Asia in the 1990s (Shim, 2006, p. 4). Hallyu not only includes pop music but many various media like dramas, television shows, and movies (Kim, 2016). According to Shim (2006), Korean television programming exports have increased in earning from $12.7 million in 1999 to $37.5 million in 2003 (p. 4). In addition, Hallyu helps the South Korean culture to spread across the world increasing its popularity and economy (Kim, 2016). The term globalization refers to the process and context of the world becoming integrated (Shim, 2006, p. 2). The globalization of K-pop brings K-pop onto the international stage. In 1992, Seo Taeiji and Boys first album fused American pop music with Korean lyrics in their first album (Oak & Woong, 2013). They aimed towards the young audiences within South Korea. However, more recently with online social network and easy accessibility, Korean pop music has been spreading around globally (Brooks, 2011). One can argue that by presenting K-pop onto the international stage, the audiences of K-pop widen and the traditional gender expectations of South Korea changes. With the rise of the Korean wave, K-pop becomes a counter-culture that opposes the gender expectations of South Korea in which it is represented through signifiers in music videos and images.

Through the lens of semiotic methodology, K-pop music videos and images will be analysed. The traditional gender expectations of South Korea will be examined and connected towards the semiotics findings of lyrics and fashion presented in K-pop. The shift of South Korea’s gender expectations in K-pop will be explored as a counter-culture towards the traditional South Korean gender perspective.

Hybridization

South Korea has been considered as a monolingual nation, meaning that most of her population only use the Korean language in their daily communication (Song, 2011, p. 1). However, this had changed during the recent years. According to Song (2011), South Koreans spent fifteen billion dollars in 2005 on private English sessions (p. 2).

Figure 3: Unpretty Rapstar, Jimin presents “Puss”

To understand the change of gender expectation in South Korea, it is important to note the influences that impact the traditional South Korean perspective. Hybridization is a term used to describe the process of combining local cultures with foreign and global influences to create unique combinations (Jin & Ryoo, 2012, p. 4). Hybrid K-pop can be seen in the lyrics of the music mixing with English words. Music lyrics typically serve two roles – lyrics act as a guidance to educate listeners to emotions, and help listeners to understand and experience the situations in their lives (Kim, 2016, p. 5). The song Puss by Jimin was released in 2015. The lyrics include English words such as “bitch” and “puss”, both are references towards women. The lyrics go like this:

puss puss

bitch you a freaking puss puss

The denotation meaning of “bitch” is referring to female dogs. On the other hand, the connotation meaning is used to degrade and insult women and their positions. The literal meaning of “puss” can be referred to a young woman. However, based on the use of words in the sentence above, puss is referring to a person being afraid or scared.

In the past, Korean lyrics did not include vocabulary that directly degrades women or referring to women as “bitch” (Kim, 2016, p. 5). However, the song Puss grew popularity with the used of English lyrics because it demonstrated that K-pop has been influenced by other realms of music. Curse words and the use of words such as “bitch” and “puss” are often heard in Western music typically American music.

Figure 4: JYP Who’s Your Mama? Live Concert

Sexual references and gender expectations of women can be found in the lyrics Who’s your mama? by Park Jin Young. The lyrics of the song goes like this:

Shake that booty that booty booty

You’re not a girl just with a pretty face

You’re not a girl just with a pretty heart either

The word “booty” means valuable stolen goods in the dictionary. However, it is often used in American pop music to refer to women’s bodies. From the lyrics presented above, it implied that women were not useful for anything except for sexual attentions. The song indicates that a woman can have a “pretty face” and a “pretty heart” but the most important thing is her “booty”. According to Kim (2016), all that is important to a woman is her looks, if the woman does not fit the societal standards, she cannot be valued or loved (p. 11). The rise of popularity in both Puss by Jimin and Who’s your mama? by Park Jin Young demonstrated the influence of foreign culture and the attitude towards the shift of gender expectations in South Korea.

Signifier

Moving beyond the lyrics of K-pop, fashion is also an important aspect when identifying the shift of gender expectations in South Korea. In order to examine the K-pop idol’s fashion, one must look at the signifiers of the costumes wore by K-pop groups. Uniform is defined as a “shorthand code for the ‘ideal attributes’ imparted by schooling – discipline, order, authority, respectability, belonging, effective personal performance” (Craik, 2005, p. 37). In addition, all the attributes are leading towards adult masculinity (Craik, 2005, p. 37). In K-pop culture, K-pop groups are often required to dress in the same outfit among all the members. By presenting all the members with the same outfit, the group looks united similarly to the students attending school in South Korea. Therefore, a connection between K-pop performance costumes and uniforms can be made.

Figure 5: Ace of Angels at KCON 2015 L.A

As shown in Figure 5, the members of Ace of Angels are presented in the same costume. This costume becomes a uniform that creates a set of rules, roles and order in which the people that are wearing it must follow. Uniforms contain behaviours that one must do and must not do (Craik, 2005, p. 37). By wearing the uniform, the acceptable performance and social context of the members are limited. Uniform rules are set as a boundary towards the unwelcome or inappropriate behaviour (Craik, 2005, p. 37). To present all the members of Ace of Angels in the same costume on stage, it is to be expected that each member behaves and acts in a similar and identical way.

Figure 6: Ah Yeah Music Video by EXID ft. Hani

Figure 7: Ah Yeah Music Video by EXID ft. LE

Furthermore, the uniform can also be defined as the ability in which one can share the understanding of the meaning through the cultural distinction. Craik (2005) defines this as the ability to “read” uniforms (p. 41). From Figure 6 and Figure 7, members of EXID are presented in office uniforms for their “Ah Yeah” music video. The symbolic meaning behind the office uniforms presented in the music video is the role and status of woman. The music video portrayed all the members of EXID as strong and independent women that hold a high-status job by presenting them in office uniforms. However, in the traditional South Korean perspective, it is men’s roles and duties to hold that position. The high-status jobs portrait the trait of masculine as opposed to femininity (Craik, 2005, p. 41). However, by presenting the members of EXID this way, the music video opposes the traditional gender expectation of South Korea and the gender identity of a woman.

From these findings, fashion is an important aspect towards the shift of gender expectation in South Korea. The clothing frames around a set of rules which the members of a group that wear it are expected to follow. In addition, by ignoring the traditional perspective of how genders should be represented, K-pop fashions becomes a signifier for the shift of gender expectations in South Korea.

Representation

Diverge from K-pop fashion, female K-pop idols have a unique style to represent their own identity. The term “tomboy” is used to describe an individual woman who maintains the privileges of masculinity in her womanhood (Skerski, 2011, p. 3). Tomboy’s definitional history is used as “derogation, working to discursively discipline those who deviated from feminine decorum” (Skerski, 2011, p. 4). Tomboy fears parents about their daughters as they would associate tomboy with Lesbian (Skerski, 2011, p. 1). Based on this, tomboy would have thought to be a huge rejection within the South Korean society due to the Confucianism belief. However, the term tomboy lost the strong negative valence and evolved to be acceptable, even celebrated, gender identity (Skerski, 2011, p. 4).

Figure 8: Amber Josephine Liu Airport

Figure 9: Amber Liu Live Performance

The representations of tomboy can be found in a famous K-pop group, f(x)’s member Amber Josephine Liu. Amber transgress the gender rules within the K-pop industry from the way she dresses and the differences in her choreography as opposed to the other members in f(x). A tomboy is identified as masculine both through her dress and mannerisms (Skerski, 2011, p. 5). Amber’s fashion consists of short hair, long baggy pants, t-shirts, hoodies, ties, and high top sneakers as shown in Figure 8 and Figure 9.

Figure 10: Amber Liu at f(x) comeback

It is rare to see Amber wearing dresses or skirts. Pants, shirts, and ties are what she wears the most when she appears on live stage or in a music video. The essence of tomboy style was to wear a masculine item of clothing such as a tie, and balanced with feminine accessories to capture male’s attention (Skerski, 2011, p. 9). Tomboyism is read as a sign of independence and self-motivation, it may also be linked to comfortably yet remains a girl’s identity (Skerski, 2011, p. 6). Thus, Amber often wears earrings, necklace, and rings to balance out her feminine and masculine as shown in Figure 10.

In the music video Hot Summer, f(x) members wore high heels and dress to express their bodies and feminine. However, Amber chose to wear short, t-shirt, with sneaker relating to what males would wear during a hot weather. During her interview with Los Angeles Weekly, Amber said “I hear that I dress like a boy and that I should be more girly, which I can understand, but I just focus on what I want to do and enjoy my time with fans” (Writer, 2013, para. 8). Amber feels that females should not be pressure by the society of what they wear and that females should dress in any way they want. With the rise in popularity of f(x), one can argue that tomboy became acceptable within the South Korean society. More K-pop idols are being presented with tomboy fashions and looks (Twice Jungyeon, Kang Ji Young, etc.). Amber took a different approach towards what the traditional gender expectations of how a woman should dress. By presenting herself as a tomboy, Amber defines a different style of feminine with the combination of masculine, yet still, attracts males’ attentions.

Gender Fluidity

Similarly, to tomboy fashion, another representation of gender through clothing are the cross-dressing that appears in K-pop performances. There are a few performances that occurred with K-pop male idols appearing in dresses on stage with long hair and vice versa for female K-pop idols. Gender fluidity is defined as “the notion that there is no definitive way of performing man or woman, and that masculinity and femininity can always intersect with each other and become fluid” (Oh, 2015, p. 131). Cross-dressing is a unique approach towards a change in the traditional gender expectation of South Korea. An artist name CL was a member of 2NE1 but now as a solo artist and rapper.

Figure 11: Baddest Female by CL (Music Video)

As shown in Figure 11, CL dressed in a suit and tie with high heels. CL’s cross-dressing is a challenge towards the prevalent Korea gender codes (Oh, 2015, p. 131). Suit and tie both demonstrate traits of masculinity and the status of a male. On the other hand, the high heels and accessories such as necklace and earrings symbolize femininity. Oh (2015) claims that “clothing that destabilizes such patriarchal gender norms locally and globally by revealing gender is not an essential feature but a constructed performance” (p. 130). In her music video “Baddest Female”, CL is presented in both genders. In her “male version” she expresses her femininity through high heels, long nails, and long hair. However, her masculine is identified through her suit, mustache, and body movement. Based on these findings, CL’s cross-dressing is a representation of gender fluidity. Fusing the performance of both man and woman’s characteristic trait to present a unique gender image.

Figure 12: VIXX - So Hot

Cross-dressing did not only appear on female K-pop idol’s performances but also can be found on male K-pop idols. A K-pop boy group called VIXX once performed the song “So Hot” on stage through the presentation of cross-dressing. As shown in Figure 12 some members were presented in leopard-print leggings and tight black tops, while others had miniskirts and sheer black stockings with additional accessories including necklaces and bracelets. Cross-dressing can be viewed as a “performance of pseudo-gayness secured by heterosexuality prevalent in Korean society” (Oh, 2015, p. 131). Although in the performance by VIXX, all the members are wearing clothes that are only identical towards femininity, they were still easily identified as men through their faces. As opposed to their feminine clothing, their muscular bodies are shown through their revealing clothes (Oh, 2015, p. 173). Therefore, audiences are still aware that they are male performers. VIXX opposed the expectations of male gender and ignore masculine by presenting themselves through feminine clothing and female dance movements. However, this performance is not meant to bring degradation towards the opposing gender but a way to express the opposing gender in a unique way. Gender fluidity and cross-dressing are acceptable in South Korea because it secures heterosexuality. However, cross-dressing is a different approach towards gender expectations as opposed to the traditional perspective in South Korea by crossing the gender expectation boundaries to present the opposing genders.

Conclusion

The traditional gender expectations of South Korea are heavily influenced by Confucianism belief even to modern day. The Confucianism belief created gender inequality towards women in South Korea. However, with the rise of K-pop culture, one can argue that there is a change in gender expectations as opposed to the traditional South Korean perspective.

In order to define the beginning process of the change in gender expectations. It is important to understand what influences the Confucianism belief. The globalization of K-pop impacted the gender expectations with the influence of western culture. This can be seen through the findings of English lyrics appearing in K-pop music and the connotation meaning behind those words. Hybridization is used to define the process of fusing two cultures together to create a unique combination (Jin & Ryoo, 2012, p. 4). K-pop music is often presented with one or two English words in its chorus. It is often viewed as the process of achieving rhythmic effects. However, one can argue that it is a reflection towards the gender identity in South Korea.

Through the semiotic lens, the signifiers of K-pop fashion are found to analysis and connect towards the traditional gender expectations. K-pop fashion is broken down into uniform, Tomboyism and cross-dressing performances. By looking at performance costumes among two K-pop girl groups, a connection of the costumes is made with uniforms. Both types of clothing are used to unified a group of people by setting specific rules and expectations on the behaviours that they must follow. In addition, EXID’s Ah Yeah music video presented the members in a specific “uniforms” that oppose the traditional gender expectations of woman’s status and roles.

Tomboy is a unique representation of “boyish girl”. Male’s trait of masculinity can be seen through the signifiers of Tomboy fashion. However, femininity remains on the person through accessories such as necklace and earrings. Tomboy fashion presents woman as independence and self-motivation as opposed to the Confucianism belief that woman must depend on her man and obey him. Tomboy fashion balances out the masculine of male and the femininity of female yet still attract male audiences as a new form of female gender representations.

Cross-dressing is an approach towards gender fluidity. Cross-dressing performances can be seen on male and female K-pop idols. Cross-dressing challenges the gender expectations by crossing the line to present oneself as the opposing gender. The clothing and accessories are worn to present the traits and expectations of the opposite gender yet the gender of the performer can still be identified. Cross-dressing is a representation of fusing both genders together to present masculine and femininity in a unique way.

Although South Korea are moving towards gender equality at a slower pace, K-pop with the influence of foreign cultures is demonstrating various ways of presenting genders. In addition, K-pop fashion and lyrics reflect the traditional Confucianism belief and becomes the counter culture towards the traditional gender expectations in South Korea.

References

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Craik, J. (2005). Uniforms exposed. New York: Oxford.

Jin, D. Y., & Ryoo, W. (2014). Critical interpretation of hybrid K-Pop: The global-local paradigm of English mixing in lyrics. Popular Music and Society, 37(2), 113-131.

Kim, H. (2016). Surfing the Korean Wave: How K-pop is taking over the world. Retrieved from http://www.mcgilltribune.com/a-e/surfing-the-korean-wave-how-k-pop-kpop-is-taking-over-the-world-012858/

Kim, H. (2016). How K-pop Mirrors Gender Roles. Retrieved from https://getinspired.mit.edu/sites/default/files/images/WG228_Report.pdf

Kim, Y. G., & Hahn, S. J. (2006). Homosexuality in ancient and modern Korea. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 8(1), 59-65.

Oak, J., & Woong, P. (2013). The Root of K-Pop: The Influences of Today’s Biggest Acts. Retrieved from http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/k-town/5638224/the-root-of-k-pop-the-influences-of-todays-biggest-acts

Oh, C. (2015). K-popscape: gender fluidity and racial hybridity in transnational Korean pop dance (Doctoral dissertation).

Palley, M. L. (1990). Women’s status in South Korea: tradition and change. Asian Survey, 30(12), 1136-1153.

Shim, D. (2006). Hybridity and the rise of Korean popular culture in Asia. Media, culture & society, 28(1), 25-44.

Skerski, J. (2011). Tomboy chic: Re-fashioning gender rebellion. Journal of lesbian studies, 15(4), 466-479.

Song, J. J. (2011). English as an official language in South Korea: Global English or social malady?. Language Problems and Language Planning, 35(1), 35-55.

Writer, S. (2013). f(x) Member Amber Liu; Why She Dresses as a Tomboy. Retrieved from http://www.kpopstarz.com/articles/49113/20131114/f-x-amber-krystal-sulli-luna-victoria-henry.htm

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