#Auto Clean Freak

[yank-a-ton]

[prettydaisygirl]

just like that! (streamer!James Potter x influencer/pornstar!reader): part two

stream title: playing GTA V with @yourusername | !podcast

🎧 cupid's chokehold/breakfast in america - gym class heroes

a/n: this is part two of a series I am writing with @twovialsofamortentia <3 part one is linked at the beginning of the chapter or above where it says !podcast. PS I hope it's not super obvious that I've never played GTA myself and I am only a casual fan, sorry :)

cw: NSFW 18+, streamer lingo, streamer!James being horny, reader makes twitter porn and has a sex podcast, James built a second setup so they can play together, Grand Theft Auto 5 and all associated warnings, reader is not good at games but is very enthusiastic, oral (m)

part one

streamer!James Potter Masterlist & series masterlist

°˖✧✿✧˖°

James is fucking nervous. Probably more nervous than he’s ever been in his life and of course it’s over a fucking girl. 

But this isn’t just any girl. She’s the girl. The girl whose pictures he’d jerked off to for most of his teenage years. The girl who he’d imagined in almost every fantasy since the first time he saw what her tits looked like.

The girl who is coming over to his house right fucking now. 

He’d cleaned the house from top to bottom three times. James wouldn’t consider himself a slob, but he’s certainly not a neat freak. He just doesn’t want her to think he’s gross, he really doesn’t want to fuck this up. In his journey to impress her, he found himself cleaning parts of his house he didn’t even know existed. He’d exhausted himself to the bone the last few days, fueled by anxiety and the chance to (maybe, possibly, someday) fuck his favorite pornstar. 

So now, everything is done, the minutes tick by and James sits on his couch with his leg shaking as he chews on his nails. His eyes are dialed in on the street, and he spots the moment your car pulls up.

He jumps up, opening the front door before you even have a chance to knock. 

“Hi,” He says, and his voice cracks in the most embarrassing way. He watches you adjust your bag on your shoulder, a light smirk appearing on your pretty lips. God, those lips.

“Hi, handsome,” You greet, pushing past him to enter his house. He watches as you take everything in, and seeing you in his house takes his breath away. 

He shows you around, eyes hardly leaving your figure at all. You seem to brighten excitedly when he shows you the stream setup. 

“Oh! It’s not that different from the pod!” You say, flipping your hair over one shoulder as you lean over and reach out to touch his mic stand. His eyes trail drown your body again and he swallows thickly, his hands itching to reach out and touch you. 

“Hey,” Your voice interrupts his thoughts, teasing and light. Your eyes are glowing with delight when James’ finally raise back up to meet them, and James finds himself turning bright red. He clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck, and looks at the streaming setup to avoid looking at you. 

“L-Let’s just get ready for stream, we only have about an hour…”

stream title: playing GTA V with @yourusername 

“Alright, love. This joystick moves you forward, and this one you can look around.” James explains, pointing to each knob on the controller. 

You sit cross-legged in his spare gaming chair, nodding at his instructions despite the confused upturn of your eyebrows. “Okay, but how do I shoot my gun?”

James snorts, pointing to one of the buttons on the controller. “Here. But don’t go around just shooting because-”

You’re already shooting. You laugh, almost maniacally, as bullets fly and hit random cars and NPCs. You get three stars almost immediately. James glances at you out of the corner of his eye, lips pursed as he holds in his own laughter. His chat seems to love you already.

prongsupmyahs: yooo is that yourusername??? 🤤 f3r4lb1t6h: her laugh lmaoooo better than her moan too maraudersfan420: you’re doing great, sweatie

James sets the two of you up to try a heist mission. You spend far too long planning your heist outfit, and James lets you while he stares at you with heart-shaped eyes. The chat bullies him relentlessly, especially after you catch him staring and send him a wink.

wormtail4mepls: omg??? 👀 00_robin: y’all fucking or what prongsupmyahs: hey notice me yourusername pls baby I could make you so happy

“Wait!” You gasp while James is speeding down the road on the way to start the mission. “Stop! Stop!” James does, he slams on the brakes and watches as your character climbs out of the car. His eyes dart over to your monitor, watching as your character sprints in the direction you just came from. 

Your face breaks into a mischievous grin, eyes alight with mischief. “You didn’t tell me there would be a strip club!”

James is forced to follow you into the club, watching as your character explores each room. You whoop and cat-call at the virtual strippers, which has chat going wild. It gets worse when one of the strippers does a move on the pole that has your head tilting and your lips parting in a way that leaves James breathless.

“I think I could do that.” You say. James thinks he might die if you try, and chat clearly feels the same.

rayzorrai: holy fuck prongsupmyahs: do it i will literally do anything plz 🙏 timl0ng_: hi prongs, hi chat, helloooo yourusername 😜

When he finally wrangles you into doing the mission, several hundred dollars wasted at the club and another outfit change later, he learns that you are simultaneously completely dedicated to the mission and also so easily distracted.

The two of you have to restart the mission dozens of times, either because of you dying or because of you killing an NPC that you shouldn’t. If it was anyone else, James would be so frustrated he would be ripping out his hair. But it’s you, and so he finds himself smiling and laughing and enjoying it all the same. He’s happy to be sitting next to you.

The chat loves it too, obviously. Some mock your poor gaming skills, but most find your enthusiasm (and cleavage) makes up for the lack of direction or actual progress. James finds himself completing the mission mostly alone, while you run around trying to shoot at things. 

He can’t help but adore you more and more every second.

When that “Mission: Passed” screen finally pops up, James doesn’t have a chance to celebrate. Because you are already celebrating. You stand, cheering loudly and shaking your ass in a way that makes James’ jaw drop and he immediately gets hard. Everyone in chat is too given the amount of messages flying by.

myb4biPads: 🥵🥵🥵put that on twitter prongsupmyahs: saved a clip for later  cxtxkem13: 💸cheer100 💸cheer100 💸cheer100 💸cheer100 💸

You finally sit down, brushing your hair off of your shoulders as you lift yourself to cross your legs underneath you. You give James a bright grin. “Back to the strip club!”

“The strip club?” James raises a brow.

“It’s not a real victory unless we get bitches, James.”

James watches as you readjust your bag on your shoulder, heading for the front door. He doesn’t want you to go, obviously. His chat loves you, already begging him to have you on again. At the end, someone even sent in a donation suggesting you join the marauders on their next game night.

“Oh!” You’d said, “Yes, your friends! They should come on the podcast!” All of his followers seemed excited at the idea, and you promised you’d invite on the entire Marauders crew to spill all of their dirtiest sex secrets. 

“Are you really going to have the boys on?” James asks now, and you tilt your head up to look at him. He inhales sharply, his heart skipping a beat. Sometimes your face will move a certain angle and his brain will be flooded with images of you naked, hips grinding, your head tilted just like that. 

“Yeah!” You say, completely unaware of his dilemma, “I think that would be fun! Don’t you think?”

“Um… yeah!” James tries to sound enthusiastic but all of the blood in his body is rushing to his cock and away from his brain. You notice, the corner of your mouth raising just a bit.

“You alright?” You ask him, eyes scanning over him as you seem to so easily figure him out. You read him like a book, like it's second nature.

“It’s just…” He swallows thickly, “sometimes I look at you and I can’t help but see you… you know.” 

“Naked? Covered in sweat and fucking myself on a dildo?”

“Jesus!” James chokes on his own spit, starting to cough. You’re so forward, he never gets used to it.

“I know, it's okay!” Your smile is sweet, but there’s a glint in your eyes that has his stomach churning, especially when they trail down his body again. “Do you… want help with that?” 

The whole world stops. James is sure he really did die. 

“You- I- Huh?”

You chuckle, a hand coming up to your mouth for a moment as your eyes meet his again. “Do you want me to blow you?”

“Are you serious?” James feels like he’s having an out of body experience when you nod and smile.

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t serious.” You say.

 “Holy fuck, yes.” James finds himself dizzy when you take his hand and lead him to the couch, kneeling between his legs. You pause.

“Do you have your phone?” You ask softly as you reach for the button on his pants. It takes him a moment to register your words, his brain overwhelmed.

“Uh- Yeah, I… I think.” He chokes out.

“Film it, so you can watch it again later.” You say, lowering the zipper and maneuvering to free his cock from his boxers. “Just for you, though. No sharing.”

James’ hands shake as he digs his phone out from his back pocket. He has to lift his hips and you raise your brows, a teasing smile on your lips, giving him that look he knows he could picture with his eyes closed. 

“Jesus, fuck.” He manages to press record and he hopes his hands aren’t shaking so bad that he won’t get every detail. Because he’s going to rewatch this so many times, he’ll rub his dick raw. 

You spit on your hand, wrapping it around the base, and smile up at him. He’s already leaking just from him looking at you like this. His breaths start to get shaky as your hand slowly begins to pump up and down the shaft. When you lean forward to lick his cock, tracing a vein with your tongue, his head falls back against the couch. He’ll be forever grateful that you suggested he record this.

You gently wrap your lips around the head of him, tongue tracing over the tip. James hisses and his hips buck just a bit.

“Sorry,” He says instinctually, really trying not to fuck this up.

“‘s alright, baby,” You pull back just enough to reassure him, and James lets out a whine, biting his lip so he won’t cum just from you calling him baby.

You take him into your mouth slowly, relaxing your throat as you push forward until your nose is against his pelvis before pulling back. You begin a slow rhythm, bobbing your head while sucking your cheeks in. The fingers of his free hand tangle in your hair, broken whimpers and almost-sobs leaving his lips.

“Shit, ah- you feel so good.” His hips jerk a bit again and you hum at the unexpected movement, but don’t choke. The vibration makes James hiss, and he grips his phone so tight in his hand that he has white knuckles, capturing the whole thing. 

You quicken your pace, tongue swirling around him as your fingers move to fondle his balls, gently squeezing and playing with them. James’ mouth is open, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he tugs at your hair. He tries to watch, he really does, but it feels so fucking good and a lot of his focus is set on keeping the camera on you. He doesn’t seem to have much control over the rest of himself. 

“Ahh, mmmh,” James’ hips buck up into your mouth, his face contorting into a silent sob. Every nerve in his body is on high-alert, and he can feel himself getting close.

“‘m gonna cum,” His words come out just as whiny as his moans, about two octaves higher than normal. “Where… Where should I…?” He lets his question trail off as his eyes roll back again. His peak is approaching so fast, and then you pull away. He lurches himself to sit up, worried he did something wrong, but you’re still between his legs.

“Where do you want to cum, James?” You ask, and the sound of your voice will haunt him every night for the rest of his life. He can’t help but shiver, hissing as he holds back his release just a little longer.

“I…” He shakes his head, curls sticking to his sweaty forehead. “On your tits.”

You smile with a knowing look, easily tugging off your shirt. The sight of you, in your bra, kneeling between his legs, is enough to do it for him. He finishes as soon as your hand returns to him, hips thrusting into your fingers as the thick whiteness of his cum lands over your boobs. He groans your name, just like he used to in the shower. 

When his ears finally stop ringing, you’re cleaning yourself up. You smile at him, then stand, leaning over him to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. James manages to end the recording and stand up right as you’re approaching the front door again.

“You’ll have to get your friends to agree to the pod.” You tell him, leaning back against the door for a moment. “Mostly so I have an excuse to see you again.”

“I will,” James says, and there’s a moment before he moves forward, a hand coming to your lower back as he presses his lips to yours. Softly, and just for a moment. You blink up at him with eyes so pretty after he pulls away that his heart aches.

“I really like you.” He says, holding the front door open for you as you step outside. You blow him a kiss.

“I know.” You say, giving him a wink and a wave as you step out of his front door. “I’ll be waiting for your call.”

°˖✧✿✧˖°

© prettydaisygirl

[talesofanarchy]

Without You

Her hands clutched a sonogram picture, attention fastened onto the small, developing fetus that lay promptly in the still. The tiny being of life looked like a growing human, not so much like an alien anymore. It had 10 fingers and 10 toes, and its eyelashes, and hair on its head were beginning to form. It was about the size of an avocado currently, still very small and requiring mommy to keep he or she safe. The news of her pregnancy had been a big surprise and somewhat overwhelming.

She hadn’t been on birth control and Happy and herself never used a condom, so it shouldn’t have come as much of a shock. Yet, it was. She and Happy had only been in a relationship for a year, still budding in the honeymoon phase, and she wasn't sure how he’d take the news. A big part of her hoped that he’d take the news well, that maybe somewhere deep down beneath his rough exterior, he wanted to be a father.

A sigh passed through soft lips, stress weighing down her chest. She was nearly four months along, the doctor said both she and the baby were healthy, and the little guy or gal was growing at the expected rate. The following week, she would have blood work to do just to make sure there was nothing internally wrong. However, the doctor said there wasn’t anything to worry about, only subduing your worries momentarily. There had been signs that indicated a pregnancy, but signs she overlooked.

There was the slight morning sickness, tender breasts, and the unusual craving for dill pickles. Which she had hated ever since she was a kid. All of this she could only chalk up to an upcoming period, one that had been missing for the last 3 and a half months. Her cycles had always been off, and so the thought of a baby growing inside of her womb had never crossed her mind. Not until Happy pointed out the swelling of her breasts and the small circular curve of her lower abdomen.

Tired eyes skittered towards the clock on the stove, seeing it was only 5:30 pm. Happy would be at TM until 6:30, and that gave her time to stew and worry for an hour. The baby was not just her responsibility, but his too, and they both needed to decide on what to do. How to handle it, how to raise it, and if he even wanted to be a part of the kid’s life.

Oil and grease coated the outlaw’s hands, which were firmly curled around the handlebars of his Dyna. The engine idled lowly beneath him, boots planted on the concrete driveway keeping the piece of machinery in place. On the days that he worked at the auto shop he was usually home by 7 pm, however, when he had business with the club, his arrival varied.

Coal embers glanced in the direction of his old lady's Chevrolet Cruze parked on the street, knowing she was home. Today was her day off from the tattoo shop, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with her and have a nice, cold beer. Cutting the engine and taking the key from the bike, he’d rise to his overwhelming, full stature. His strides were wide and predatory-like as he made his way to the front door, unlocking it and pushing it open.

The moment he was inside, he was shutting the door quietly behind him and undoing his work boots. “(Y/N?)” He called gruffly, wondering where she was. Once his boots were off and sitting by the front door, he began making his way into the living room, finding his old lady asleep peacefully on the couch. Lips twitched subtly, the corners slightly pricking into a smile, until he shook his head, regaining his hard expression once more.

He silently looked over the living room, finding everything to be in its place and clean. Something he appreciated about her, she could keep up with his neat-freak ways. Y/N wasn't messy, and she always put everything back in the proper spots. The TV played softly in the background, he assumed she had fallen asleep to whatever was on.

Turning, he’d make his way to the kitchen, intentions set on a cold booze. Happy was soon leaning down, rummaging through the fridge, while grabbing ahold of a Corona. Regaining his normal posture, his eyes danced along a photo on the fridge, pinned down by magnets. He did a double take, pupils widening before he grabbed the sonogram with a quick snap of his hands.

He read the name in tiny lettering above the image of the fetus (Y/F/N – Y/L/N) and all he could do was grit his teeth.

Happy’s muscular legs were carrying him subconsciously down the hallway and back into the living room where he flung the picture at her sleeping form. “What the fuck is this?” He spat.

The feeling of fluttering paper on her face, and then Happy’s booming voice spooked her awake. “Wha-.“ She grumbled half asleep, a hand going to her eyes where she began to rub at them frantically. “What’s going on Hap?”

Yet, her question was answered when she saw the sonogram on her chest. Easing herself up, she'd grab the photo, hurt lingering over her heart at the thought of his lack of interest in the picture of the baby they both had taken part in making.

“Answer me, little girl, what the fuck is that?” He growled.

Y/N had seen Happy angry plenty of times before, but his anger had never been directed toward her, not like this. Swallowing harshly, she'd grip the black and white photo a little tighter. “It’s a baby, it’s your baby.” She said.

The look of shock on his face made her stomach churn unhappily, and then he snapped. “No fuckin’ way is that thing mine. And if it is mine, get rid of it. I don’t fuckin’ want it.” He said. His words were enough to send her already elevated hormones, overboard.

Tears made their way front and center, brimming over her eyelids and falling down your cheeks.

“What do you mean get rid of it? I’m not getting rid of it Happy! It’s our baby.” She rose to her feet, hollering at him, trying to make a point.

He stepped closer to her, staring Y/N down with a disgusted scowl. “I want nothin’ to do with that goddamn thing, either get rid of it or get the fuck out of my house.” After that, he turned on his heels and stormed out of the front door with his boots in tow.

She chased after him, grabbing ahold of his bicep, wishing he’d just cool down.

“Don’t touch me.” He warned, snatching his arm away from her and backing his bike in reverse before roaring down the street.

She stood there in a confused stupor, he hadn’t acted in the way that she had hoped for. This was nothing close to what she expected. She had never seen anyone react so harshly to the news of a baby in her entire life, but then again Happy Lowman wasn’t just any sort of man. He was an outlaw, a renegade, white picket fences and kids just weren’t a part of the biker lifestyle. And if it was, it only happened rarely and far in between.

There was no denying the heartache she felt, each tiny intricate sliver of her heart was breaking into pieces. Shattering and ceasing to exist, because the man she had given her all to, wanted nothing to do with the life they had created, together. So, she stood there, dazed and confused, incapable of understanding where it went all wrong.

Tears were wiped on the back of her hand before she began retreating inside, deciding that it was time to go. There was no way in hell that she would abort their baby, no way in hell she'd ever choose Happy over the life blossoming in her belly. The moment she stopped putting herself first, was the second she found out she was pregnant. No one would ever come before that baby, not even the man who branded his name on her heart.

By the time Happy arrived at the clubhouse, he was fuming. A baby wasn’t a part of the plan, it never had been. Did he like kids? Sure. If they weren’t his, because he had no patience nor wish to deal with kids of his own. They were needy, grabby, attention-seeking leeches, that would demand everything from him and Y/N. The two of them had only been together 12 months, he wanted to be selfish with her, and he didn’t want to share her with anyone, ever.

He wanted to be able to lounge around the house with her, to fuck her on any surface of their home, to allow whatever feelings he had for her, to grow. He didn’t want to raise a kid, he didn’t want that kid putting a strain on their relationship. Something he had already done by blowing up on her. He had been a jackass to think that not using a rubber wouldn’t end in a mistake.

Cause that was what that thing growing in her was, a mistake. He couldn’t fathom why she would want a baby with him, he was a criminal, a brooding outlaw. The life was something he would never give up, not even for his kids. Were all women like that? Wanting to be married and to pop out mini versions of themselves and their partners? Apparently so.

Yet, Y/N had never brought up having kids with him, but he saw how she reacted with Abel and Thomas. That motherly instinct being worn with pride, the desire to have one of her own, evident in that dreamy gaze of hers.

If she didn’t get rid of the baby, then that would be the end of the relationship. So, was he willing to risk their relationship all for the sake of a baby they made together?

A baby that was made from admiration, carnal need, and pure love?

He hadn’t the slightest fucking clue. All he did know was that he wanted to drown his rage in liquor, to forget for a while. So that’s what he did.

Sometime after arriving at the clubhouse Happy had begun drinking, and not some feeble beers. He ordered round after round of Whiskey, easily downing it, the heat of the alcohol scorching any thoughts from his mind. When he was intoxicated enough, he pried some scantily dressed sweet butt from Half Sack’s arm, growling out. “You can have her when I’m done.” His arm dipped across the woman’s shoulder, leading her back to his old dorm room. A room in which he hadn’t spent any time, since moving Y/N in with him. Now here he was, about to bury all his frustrations and anger into some random bitch.

Yet as she was kissing his neck, and shimmying her way down to her knees, all he could think about was his pregnant old lady. Images of her kept repeating in his head, even new scenarios of her with a plump belly that housed his unborn son or daughter. Her smile, laugh, and gentle touch haunted his drunken mind, making him grunt in hindrance.

His dick didn’t even budge, refusing to get hard for anyone but Y/N. That woman had completely captivated him, enthralled him with her entire being. She had her claws in him and let it be known that he would have one hell of a time getting over her. Happy Lowman had never admitted it, but he was very much in love with her. She had said it many times, confessing all the feelings she held for him, but all he could do was shy away from the subject.

She understood though, that he wasn’t one for emotions, or much else. Y/N had accepted him when hardly anyone else did, she loved him for the piece of shit that he was, and she made him want to be better, for her, for the relationship.

“Get off me.” He snarled, shoving the broad away from him and redoing his buckle and jeans. The unknown girl could only look at him with a stupefied expression, not knowing what had changed his mind. She was just there for a good time, which was now ruined by the indecisive biker.

With nothing else to say, Happy was exiting the room, intent on finding his girl. Wherever she was, he’d go and get her, bring her back home where she belonged. Looking towards HalfSack, he motioned towards the back room. “Didn’t touch the bitch, she’s all yours.” Then he was strutting towards the clubhouse front door, the crisp air of the coast marching across his face.

Just as he was mounting his chopper, he heard the familiar voice of his VP. “Hey, Hap!” Called the blonde-haired Son, who was now striding towards him with a swaggered strut.

“What’s goin’ on with you and (Y/N?) She’s at my place with Tara, she’s a mess brother.” Jax sussed.

Happy sighed before running his hand tersely over his face. “She’s pregnant, and I flipped the fuck out. And I just realized what a dumb ass I was.”

Jax’s mouth was shaped somewhat into an ‘O’, before patting his friend’s shoulder. “Having a kid is scary, no one will tell you that, but it’s true. Their these little human beings who just take over your life and you find yourself falling in love with them. Just know, no matter what. You and (Y/N) will be great parents, we all know you love her. We ain’t blind.” The VP chuckled before squeezing his shoulder. “Now, go kiss some ass.”

“If Happy doesn’t realize how great this is gonna be for you both, then you can do it on your own. You got a great head on your shoulders, and I'll help however I can.” Tara sounded from the kitchen where she was fixing a bottle for little Thomas.

Y/N could only stare blankly at the wall, her back pressed into the sofa. Tara had become a close friend over the last year, one she confided in with everything involving Happy and the club life.

If anyone understood it, it was Tara Knowles. She had her fair share of shit-fests with Jax, and so far, the two were hanging on strong. The good doctor was raising a baby that wasn’t even hers on top of Thomas who was biologically hers. Y/N didn’t know where else to go after the blowout with Happy, so she went to the only friend she had in Charming who wasn’t one of the SAMCRO boys.

“Jax will talk to him, knock some sense into him. And if he doesn’t, I will.” Tara said, now standing beside the backside of the couch. “I’m gonna feed Thomas if you get hungry or thirsty. You know where the kitchen is.” The doctor allowed her fingers to brush over Y/N's shoulder in an attempt to soothe her before disappearing into the nursery.

All she could do was slump forward, elbows on knees, and face in the palms of her hands. For the last hour, all she had done was cry, and she was tapped out. The stress wasn’t good for her or for the baby, and she refused to jeopardize the kid’s health, despite her heartbreak.

“Fuck.” She breathed, running a hand through her tattered hair, brushing a few locks from her face.

Her head jerked towards the front door when she heard a loud knock. It was the sound of knuckles rapping over and over on the wooden frame. Glancing down at her phone, she realized it was midnight, who the hell was knocking at Tara and Jax’s house at this time?

Exhaling gently, she'd rise to her feet before trekking towards the door where Y/N cautiously peeled it back.

“Happy?” She said, dumbstruck.

Her outlaw stood disheveled in front of her, eyes dark and glossy, most likely from the liquor that she could smell seeping out of his pores.

“Are you drunk?” She snapped out with an agitated tint to her tone.

“I fucked up (Y/N.)” He swayed back and forth on unsteady feet, which made her slightly worried.

Yet when he said he fucked up, her mind instantly went to him cheating on her. “Did you go and fuck some croweater Hap?” She said low, trying to mentally prepare yourself for his answer.

“Almost. But I stopped it because I couldn’t get you out of my fuckin’ head.” He said.

And out went her sadness, which was quickly replaced with anger. “You what? Are you serious? I tell you I’m pregnant and you got out and immediately try to bag a fucking lay. You’re ridiculous!” She cried, her hands shoving into his stone-like chest.

He didn’t say anything, instead, he let her continue to berate him. Knowing that he deserved it and if anyone was going to beat him down, it would be her. Cause that’s the only person he’d ever let beat him down.

“I hate y-.” Her words were cut off by his bruising kiss, his calloused fingers tangling in her hair, drawing their bodies closer together. He protectively embraced Y/N and bit into her bottom lip claiming. Then the words he had been dying to say for months, finally slipped out.

“I love you, (Y/N.)” His warm breath danced across her cheek, his black irises boring into her lively gaze.

His thumbs began stroking her cheeks as he confessed everything. “I love you, but I don’t want to end up like my pops. I don’t want to be a deadbeat dad. Findin’ out you were pregnant was the scariest shit I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve committed murder, I’ve tortured people just for the pure fuck of it. But knowin’ ya were havin’ my kid, just, it stilled me.”

Y/N had waited so long to hear that he loved her, she honestly thought he’d never say it. But he did, and he meant it. She saw the look of terror in his eyes when he spoke of the unborn baby, and all she could do was calm his worries, all she could do was be there for him like she had been since day one.

“I always thought you’d be a great dad Happy, I never doubted that. And you will be the best daddy to our little one, you’ll never be like your father. Don’t ever think for one second that you are anything like him, 'cause you’re not.” She said.

Happy pressed his forehead against hers, his large hand sliding over her small baby bump. The first real time he even acknowledged that it was a baby and not just a thing. It was his baby, his child, and the woman he loved was carrying it.

“I love you Hap, even if you’re a pain in my ass.” She chuckled, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Likewise, little girl.” He cracked a smirk before laying another passionate kiss on her lips, his fingers flexing over her growing stomach.

[writing-mlm]

We’re alike… aren’t we?

Summary: Jason gets help getting bandaged after being stabbed, you get help after your fear of needles stops you from taking your HRT Pairing: Jason Todd & Trans!reader Wc: 960 tags/warnings: gender neutral reader, can be nb/ftm/mtf, stitching jason up, taking HRT, mentions of being tortured, trans blues, no romance but can be seen as such

based on a tiktok by @/bloody_converse

—

Jason doesn’t understand why you stay around even after everything he’s done. You know his past, you know his present, and for fucks sake you probably see where his future is heading. But fuck, you’re still there. You’re still letting him in at one in the morning after he crashed through your window for the millionth time that month, all with open arms. 

You’re still giving him the good blanket because it’s the middle of winter and his suit isn’t all that good at keeping him warm. You’re still lowering the music because he’s bordering on a concussion. You’re still staring at him as if he isn’t a serial killer, crime lord, zombie!

He doesn’t understand that you get it. 

In your own way, of course. 

You know what it’s like having a family that mourns you even though you’re right in front of them. You know what it’s like to feel as if you’re in the wrong body, missing parts that you’ll probably never get no matter how hard you work because it’s not the same. It just isn’t. You understand all too well what it’s like when your family looks at you, not looking at the adult you’ve grown into but the child they once had. The child you can no longer be. The adult that cannot bear to accept because it’s not what they had in mind for you. 

You know what it’s like to be set aside, to be considered wrong. 

You both don’t like mirrors, broken enough that you’ve gotten bad luck for the next three lifetimes. You both get nervous when getting intimate with partners because what if they think your bodies are gross? You’ve both gotten fucked over by your fathers. 

“Did you take your shot?” He asks as you hand him a water bottle and a pill for his pain. 

“No,” You sigh, looking away from him. “I chickened out again.” He doesn’t laugh, but you see the twinkle in his eyes as he takes the pill without the water chaser. He still drinks it, though. It’s non-contaminated water, it’s like the holy grail for fucks sake. 

“Get it, I'll do it.” It’s no use putting up a fuss, he’d just get up and find it himself. Besides, you could really use the help. The needle thing still freaks you out and your insurance is moving slow to move you to something better like gel or auto injections things. 

When you return, he’s washing his hands and putting on a pair of gloves. Not to mention in one of his shirts he keeps at your place, something about having too many germs on his clothes to be next to medical equipment. He’s forgotten pants, you note. Probably because he’s bleeding from his outer thigh. 

“I’ll get the medkit,” Setting your box of HRT supplies on the coffee table, you ignore his protest. Getting the kit you’d gotten after the first time he crashed at yours needing medical attention but refusing to go to a hospital or Bruce’s. Which, for the record, is more often than you care to think about.

When you return he’s sitting on your floor, a small pool of blood collecting on his discarded shirt. You replace it with an old towel and clean the spot. He doesn’t wince, but you see his thigh tense as you wipe the area and begin stitching him up. He’s used to getting stitched up, it hardly affects him these days unless it’s a bad wound. Thankfully this is a small stab wound, it’ll heal in under a week if he doesn’t open the stitches. And he probably will at some point. 

“All done,” Grinning at your work, you wrap it in bandages and then put a pin to secure it. He’ll check on it once he can but he trusts your handy work, it hasn’t failed him yet. 

“Your turn,” He says when you remove your own set of latex gloves. You wince at the idea but begrudgingly let him do it. He moves you to the couch, lifting your shirt enough that he can see your stomach and has you hold it up. You do, knuckles pressing against your skin so much your hand starts to shake.

“You’re a lot better at stitching me up and putting a needle in your stomach,” He humors you as he’s grabbing an alcohol wipe, eyes flickering up to yours. He cleans the vile first, carefully setting it on the table when he’s done. 

“You try getting tortured by needles,” You mutter, blinking down at his hand as he wipes the area. It’s cold against your skin, even more so when he fans it for a second. “Fucking hate Joker,” 

“Don’t we all,” He grabs the bottle and a 1-millimeter syringe that makes you inhale and look away. “You’re good, you got this,” He mutters with his attention mostly on drawing the liquid into the syringe with a careful eye. He switches the needle before checking for air bubbles and pinches at your skin once he’s sure it’s perfect.

“Ready?” He asks. “You can squeeze my shoulder.” You can only muster a nod as you prepare yourself. He works slowly, watching as he carefully slides the needle into your stomach and then watches your face as he slowly injects it. He doesn’t like it when he helps you; the panic in you makes his stomach hurt but he also doesn’t want you to not take your HRT or have a panic attack trying to do it yourself. 

He pulls the needle out and wipes away the drop of blood before putting on a bandaid. 

“All done.” He smiles, snapping his gloves off. You drop your shirt with a sigh, running your hands over your face as you relax.

[cutie-chimera]

OKAY! PART FUCKING TWO OF THIS WTF WEEKEND:

So yesterday (Sunday) I was supposed to go to a bridal shower, then hang out with lover boy after. Welp, I get in my van and the breaks just GRIND and I am thinking how screwed we are, cause I ain't no car bitch.

So anyway, this guy said the first day we met he would fix our brakes if we needed the help. So I text him and ask if the offer is on the table. Almost immediately texts back "of course." Calls me ask for details about the car. Says let me make some phone calls and il call you back.

Calls back with good news and bad news. Talk about how my car could have either one of two different rotar sizes and how you can check til it is off. And I am thinking like how do I even go about this. And he just goes on to say he already found a deal at an auto parts store where he can get everything we need for a cheap as possible, and then return what we dont use. So I am gearing up for this huge day of errands and he is like "I'll text you when you can come over, I gotta make sure I can get the tools I need"

A little over an hour later, he calls me. This man had already gone out rented the tools he didnt have, drove almost a full hour to get the ones he did, and is walk into the parts store to get everything we need. He just didnt grab enough cash, so he apologizes and if we can venmo what he needs. At this point I am already like "who the fuck made this man?"

So we go to his place. He starts working. And we find out that our van has weird after-market nuts on it and we need a special socket. So we go to the shop and finally figure out what it is. And as we are leaving, my fucking power steering line snaps. Pours all my fluid all over the road and at this point I am like just wanna cry cause of course fixing brakes would turn into more bs.

Cool as a fucking cucumber, this man says "let me make a couple phone calls."

15-20 minutes later he says "I have two options, we tow it for about 150 bucks, and get the line fixed which will be another few hundred, and then we finish the brakes. Or I just picked up a car for 420 bucks. I can give it to you, you sign over your van. I will fix it up, sell it, and take my money from that money and give you the rest cause I dont want to make money off my girls"

I was already fucking blown away by this man, but now here he is solving an even bigger problem without skipping a fucking beat and being just such a god damn sweetheart about all of it. I throw my arms around him and kiss him and thank him and tell him how sweet he is. He just responds "Of course, I told you, I got you"

So we make a plan to go get the vehicle from his property outside the city in the morning. We go back to his place. The wife and I cook him dinner cause ain't no way we aren't spoiling this man. Have a great time just chilling and talking and watching movies. Then have just the best fucking sex both last night and this morning. And like... omg this man is pulling noises out of me I dont even remember fucking making 😴😵‍💫🥴

OH, and he went and bought us iced coffee before we came over Sunday. He doesn't drink coffee. he just knows we like it. And he brought it to us in bed this morning.

So we drive out to the dmv by his property, get everything switched over. And now I have this super cute blue Pontiac vibe that runs better than my gd van. And it has a fucking moon roof which I have always wanted and the total amount I've actually put into ALL OF THIS so far is 200$ freaking dollars and half of that was the taxes for the vehicle.

So we are just getting home and cleaned up before our shift for work. He already texted us to make sure we are home safe. I tell him how grateful I am and how him taking charge of everything really meant a lot to me. And he just says "I told you I got you puddin'"

I legitimately have no words to describe this. I am shocked, I am in awe, I am text book agog. Where the fuck did this guy come from!?!?!

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Why do you like Rung so much

I did ask that to myself often, and had to do some auto-analysis, to reach a conclusion. The true answer is intimate. I will still tell you: I'll exclude personal details, to maintain privacy- but I'm warning you, there is a psychosexual component to it. There's no point in hiding that, after all the erotica I drew of the guy, and you asked, so if you'll cringe I'm not to blame, sweetheart. (So: WARNING, NSFT talk & MTMTE/LL spoilers ahead). Rung is understanding and forgiving. Fort Max crushes his hand and almost kills him- Rung sweetly forgives him, no question asked. Rodimus uses him as bait for a bloodthirsty creature. No grudges about that either. His patients are all some degree of dangerous and criminal, -they could kill him in an heartbeat in the same way they killed plenty others before- but Rung keeps extending his care to them all, no matter how hopeless of a case they are- he listens to them, he gives them infinite second chances. Rung is understanding and forgiving to an unnatural degree. A supernatural degree. He is God, after all. He is the personification of the idealized divine parental love, that knows no bounds or conditions. Years ago. I was suddenly proven a source of love in my life was very much conditional- contrary to what I had used to believe before. It was quite the devastating rug pull. It left a scar. To come across a character so kind and nurturing and forgiving as Rung was extremely comforting, to me. I've obsessed over plenty of characters, before him, but I've never quite understood the meaning of "comfort character", until then. I see a drawing of Rung, and I can't help but smile, and feel immediately a little happier. His sight alone gives me hope that unconditional love can exist- maybe not in the real world, but at least as a merciful human idea we can share through a fictional character. And this is all so pure and sweet, but. I'm a freak and a queer. I saw in Rung this supernatural and divine parental figure, and that activated the neuron. It got me all horny and, even worse, creative. Since, thank God, catholic guilt was never part of my upbringing, I happily and shamelessly embraced those feelings I have about Rung, and called him my mommy and drew him with a pussy and met other weirdos that enjoyed my vision and that was SO MUCH FUN, it only fueled my cathartic adoration for Rung even more.

I would say, that's it, this was your answer. But the truth is, I barely scratched the surface, of why I love Rung. I could go on and on about how important and significant it is, to me, that Rung is also a canonical symbol of anti-fascism. Or how well constructed, charming, and at the same time mysterious he is as a character ( we know SO little about his life pre LL, it's so INTRIGUING). Or just how adorable his quirks are- collecting toys, cleaning his glasses when he's upset, finding the courage to dance at a party- But there would be no point in it. Love can't be explained, actually. It was fun to yap about my beloved favorite character tho, so thank you for giving me and excuse to!

[idabbleincrazy]

We Make Our Own Destiny: Ageless (Ch.6)

Fandom: Smallville

Rating: M

Pairing: Clex

Characters: Clark Kent, Lex Luthor, Lana Lang, Evan, Martha Kent, Jonathan Kent, Tanner Sutherland, Chloe Sullivan, Lionel Luthor, Genevieve Teague

Word Count: 4849

Warnings: angst, canon character death, grieving, emotional hurt/comfort, episode rewrite

Summary: The clock ticks down as everyone searches for Evan and a way to save him.

A/N: Well, I finally finished the episode! After this, I plan to skip around on episodes...I really don't have the patience to rewrite Forever and Commencement before moving onto the episodes in s5 I really want to write.

“Night, Roy”, Tanner calls out to the manager as he heads out the door. “I'll have Gene's Camaro ready for pick-up in the morning.”

The man nodded and left out the back door. Tanner heard a soft sound and looked around to find Evan entering through the bay door, staring at Tanner expectantly.

“Sorry, kid, we're closed. Come back tomorrow.”

Tanner walks past Evan who steps further in and turns around to keep watching him, waiting for some kind of recognition. Tanner stops his clean-up and frowns at the boy.

“Are you deaf? I said we're closed.” Tanner feels his nerves tensing as Evan continues to stare. “What are you staring at?”

“My father.”

Tanner's eyes widened at the dawning realization, shaking his head profusely. It was one thing to hear from that Kent kid that the baby Karen had died delivering had already grown so much, another thing altogether to see him there in the flesh. It just wasn't something he was ready to deal with. 

“Don't call me that. I'm not your dad.”

“Yes, you are. Why won't you admit it?”

Tanner closed the toolbox drawer with a loud clang, backing away towards the bay door. 

“You stay the hell away from me.”

“Please, Dad.” Evan follows after him, closing the distance. “Just help me. I'm your son.”

He grabs Tanner's shirt, trying to get him to stop running away. Clark wasn't like this, why is Tanner? He can't understand, he just wants his father to accept him, to help Clark and Lex save him.

“No, you're not! You're some kind of freak!”

Evan releases Tanner's shirt in shock and pain, staring at the other teen as he turns away and runs out of the shop. There's a growing bright light, a squeal of brakes, and a loud thud in the ensuing silence. A shout of Tanner's name jolts Evan back to himself, and he runs out after his dad to find the young man on the asphalt, the older man he'd seen leaving a few minutes ago crouched beside him.

“Dad?”

Evan kneels down next to Tanner on the ground. There is a pool of blood spreading out around Tanner's head, his body slightly twisted where it lays. Roy checks for a nonexistent pulse, and curses in anguish. 

“Just ran outta nowhere. God, Tanner, why? Kid, you gotta believe me, I didn't have time to stop.”

“Dad? Dad!” Evan is shaking the boy now, not wanting to believe he's gone, the shock of the reality of death deafening him to the older mechanic's babbling. “Oh, my God. What have I done?”

He sees Roy on his cell, calling for an ambulance. His guilt overrules his brain, and he runs blindly out into the night.

*****

Between Lana not knowing about his powers, and his Dad not knowing about Lex knowing about his powers, running after Evan immediately is not an option. It takes the better part of an hour for the five of them to decide on a course of action, Lana staying at the house in case Evan comes back first. Martha headed to the Talon to check around town and gather search-party recruits if needed. Jonathan drove out to check their acres of land while there's still light, Shelby beside him on the bench seat.

Clark and Lex arrive at Massey's Auto Garage to a scene of sirens and chaos. Clark's cell goes off as the pair hurry out of Lex's car. 

“Okay, Dad, call me if you find him.” 

“Anything?”

Clark shakes his head. 

“Nothing yet.”

“He'll turn up, Clark. We just need to make sure we can help him when he does.”

Clark nods and starts walking towards the busy scene, stopping short.

“Lex.”

Clark points over at the ambulance across the parking lot, and Lex can just make out the body bag on the gurney. There's a middle-aged man talking to a deputy, and police tape around the building and a still-running car. The name Tanner reaches them on the wind.

“He's dead.” Lex grabs Clark's hand. “Fuck.”

“Tanner came barrelling out. Some kid was here with him, arguing. I swear, it was an accident.”

“Evan. He must have come here to see him for himself. To try to convince him.”

“Clark, we needed a living donor to stop Evan from aging again.”

“There's gotta be something else we can do to help him.”

“There is, sort of. We need to track him down and seal him in a containment chamber under LuthorCorp.”

“No. Lex…” Tears form in Clark's eyes as the implication hits. “You promised.”

“I don't like it, either, Clark, but it's the only way to contain the blast from his final change.” 

Lex hates this, hates causing Clark pain. Hates the pain he feels in his own soul. But his people still haven't been able to come up with anything permanent. Science has failed him now, just like it did when he was trying to save his mother. 

“Lex, I'm not gonna let him just die.”

“Nothing can stop that from happening now, Clark.” Lex guides Clark back to the car, pulling him into a sad embrace. “Look, I'm sorry, but if we don't isolate Evan, a lot more innocent people are going to be killed. You know that more than anything, I wanted this to work out. I wanted to save Evan as much as you do, but we're out of options.”

Out of sight of the group of responders, Clark sinks into Lex's arms as they tighten around him, burying his face in the curve of Lex's neck. He wants to be mad at Lex, but knows it isn't fair to blame him. Even all his money and all the brains at his disposal can't be expected to take on such an unknown and unexpected mutation. 

“I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise, Clark. I'm sorry I can't save him for you.”

“No, don't be.” Clark pulls back to look at Lex. “I shouldn't have said that. I was taking my own guilt out on you. If it wasn't for me, and the stupid Kryptonite, Evan would've been born normal, nine months from now, and lived a healthy, full life.”

Lex shook Clark slightly, anger coloring his voice.

“Don't, Clark. You need to stop blaming yourself for everything the Kryptonite does. It would have landed here even if you hadn't. At least with you, the town has a hero to save it. With you here, Evan has people who care about him, who love him.”

Clark sniffled and nodded, relenting. He wiped his eyes and let Lex pull him back into his arms for a consoling kiss. Under his own pain, he can feel Lex's heart breaking, and he mentally berates himself for forgetting how much Lex had come to care for Evan. He couldn't imagine either of them hurting more if they were losing their own child. 

“Let's get back home. See if the others had any luck.”

*****

Dawn is barely breaking and Clark and Lex headed back out hours ago to continue their search for Evan, after a stop at LuthorCorp for one last fruitless attempt to stall Evan's age-progression. Lana is in the living room talking on the phone, her eyes red from crying. 

“He still hasn't come back, Mr. Kent. Let me know if you find him.”

“I will. You just hold down the fort for us, Lana. And don't give up hope.”

“Okay.”

She hangs up the phone. When she turns around to go into the kitchen to place it back in its cradle, Evan is standing there, startling her. Her shock soon gives way to grief-fueled anger.

“Evan, I have been worried sick about you! Everyone had. We've been looking for you all night.”

Evan keeps his eyes lowered, not responding. He seems to be in a stunned stupor. Lana steps up to him, concern softening her voice. 

“Are you okay?”

“I-I don't know. I did something bad.”

He turns away from her. Lana can hear the quaver as he speaks. Knows he must be blaming himself for what Clark told her had happened to Tanner. 

“Evan, talk to me. Were you there when Tanner got hit? Tell me what happened, honey.”

“It was an accident...a mistake. I didn't mean to…”

“Evan, we all make mistakes. It's part of what makes us human. What happened to Tanner wasn't your fault.”

Evan starts to groan in pain and doubles over. Lana turns him around to see his face twisted in pain, trembling.

“Are you all right?”

“It's happening again. I can feel it.”

Lana fights back her fear, and the tears that build in the corners of her eyes. Lex said this would be the last one, that it would kill Evan, and possibly half the town.

“I'm gonna call Clark, and we're gonna get you help, okay?”

Lana picks up the phone, but she can't get a signal. Checking her cell produces the same results. Then the lights in the house start to fade in and out, power surging as Evan exudes excess energy. She curses as Evan groans again.

“It's coming. I can feel it.” 

She pulls Evan into her arms as he sags, straining to hold back the change.

“There has to be something that we can do.”

“There is. The windmill that you told me about, remember? Where the whole world stretches out around you. I'd like to see it. Just once.” Evan's voice is weak as Lana practically carries him out the door. “Please, Lana, hurry.”

Lana hopes she can get a signal to call Clark and Lex, can't imagine them not being there for Evan in these final moments. As much as her heart hurts, she knows it's so much worse for the two young men, their attachment so much deeper.

*****

Running out of ideas of where Evan could be, Clark enters the Torch office where Chloe is standing at the desk, working on the layout. Lex is waiting out in the car, still trying to reach his lab.

“Chloe, has Evan been here?”

Chloe looks up, biting back a gasp at how ragged Clark looks. Blinking, she shakes her head.

“No. I mean, at the rate he's aging, I'm not even sure I'd recognize him.”

Clark lets out a disappointed sigh. “He must be with Lana. She wasn't at the house. I keep trying to call her, but all I get is static.”

Chloe goes to her computer and starts typing. Clark comes up behind her, watching over her shoulder. 

“Maybe he's putting off an energy field like his mom was. That would explain the power surges.”

“Power surges?”

“Yeah, they've been popping up all over town for the last hour.” She pulls up a map on the computer screen. “Looks, they're happening all over.”

“What's this?”

“It's the DWP grid.” Chloe points at the flashing sections. “See, these are the affected areas.”

“Where's the most recent one?”

“Um...10 miles west on the outskirts of town in the middle of nowhere. Why would Lana and Evan be way out there?”

Clark remembers younger Evan's face in the loft.

“The windmill.”

Chloe raises an eyebrow, confused.

“The one at Chandler field?”

Chloe takes a closer look at the computer and feels the whoosh as Clark super-speeds away. She looks up with a sigh. “Go get 'em, speedy.” She wishes she could comfort him, and hopes that either Lana or Lex can. He looked so close to falling apart. She hears the roar of Lex's car as it passes by the office window. 

*****

Evan and Lana are standing at the top of the windmill looking down, the sun high in the sky. It had taken too long to get him in her SUV, longer still to get him up the windmill. She wasn't sure how long he had left, felt the cold hand of death stretching, just out of reach.

“You were right. The whole world is right there.” Evan's voice is full of awe. 

Lana tries her cell again, receiving only more static before she tucks it back in her pocket.

They see miles and miles of fields and trees. The Metropolis skyline is barely visible in the distance under a blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. As last sights go, it's not an awful one. She just hopes it doesn't hurt.

“It's beautiful.”

“I'm glad you finally got a chance to see it.” Forces a smile onto her face, doesn't want Evan to be scared. 

Evan starts to emit a bright light and the windmill’s platform sways as he bends over and groans. 

“Evan?! Oh, God. Hold on, honey.”

Lana doesn't register the screech of tires below her as she tries to pull Evan into her arms.

On the ground, Lex rushes out of the car and to the ladder just as Clark speeds up it and onto the platform. As they'd pulled up, Clark had simply implored Lex to get Lana to safety. He really needs to talk to Clark about this habit of his of just blindly running towards danger. 

“You better not get blown to pieces, Space Boy.”

Reaching the platform, Clark urges Lana away from Evan, holding her back.

“Lana, you have to go.”

“No, Clark, we have to help him.” She lets herself sob now, grief warring with the relief that Clark's presence lends her. “There has to be something.”

“There's no time. You have to go now. Get to Lex and run.”

“Clark…” Evan groans, bracing himself against the windmill tower. The tremor worsens. 

Clark needs Lana to get to Lex, to safety. Losing Evan is hard enough without the thought of either of them in danger, too.

“Go.”

Clark sends Lana reluctantly down the shaking ladder towards Lex and safety, then helps Evan lie down on the platform. Evan whimpers with pain. 

“It's okay, Evan. I'm here.”

“I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it.”

Clark brushes a strand of hair from Evan's forehead, wiping away the sweat beading there. And, oh, his heart hurts. He feels Lex through the bond, lets it bolster him.

“It's okay, I know. It's all right. You were hurting, and angry.”

“I'm glad it was you and Lex, and Lana that found me.”

“I think you found us.” 

The shaking intensifies and so does Evan's pain, the younger boy writhing in Clark's hold.

“What's happening? Ah, God. I can feel it. You better go.”

“No. Evan, I'm not leaving you.”

Evan smiles wistfully up at Clark.

“I wish you, or Lex, had been my father, Clark. You would have been good dads. Don't…don’t let them be sad for too long, Clark. Especially Lex. You two, I know what family, what love, is because of you. Thank you. Aah!”

Evan contorts violently, screaming once before going slack. The light grows unbearably brighter, but Clark refuses to let go.

“Evan. Evan.”

Evan's face flashes, and Clark watches as he ages into young adulthood, into middle-age, and finally into an elderly man with white hair. Sending a rush of love through the bond, Clark covers Evan's body with his own.

Lex grabs Lana's hand as she reaches the ground, the pair of them running to her car  and taking shelter behind it. He holds her to him, shielding her as he feels a desperate surge of love and sorrow flowing through the connection he shares with Clark. Tears slip down his cheeks as the final blast happens, destroying the windmill. 

When it is over, Lex releases Lana and stands up, looking around, unable to see through all the smoke. He steps around the SUV, feeling internally for the bond.

“Clark! Clark!”

Clark walks toward him out of the smoke. He is covered in black marks and his clothes are singed. Lex has never seen anything more beautiful. He runs up to Clark, not caring that Lana is behind him, witnessing the sappy scene as he is enveloped in Clark's hug. He kisses Clark deeply before pulling back.

“Clark, you're alright? I wasn't sure...”

“I'm fine. Just a li'l crispy around the edges.”

Lana rushes up to them, eyes wide and wet.

“What happened?”

“I got clear just before…” Lana always believes the lie too readily. 

“Where's Evan?”

“He's gone.” Clark pulls Lex tighter to his side. “He didn't make it…I tried, Lex.”

Lana is on the verge of more tears, a sob whispered out. Lex presses a quick kiss to Clark's lips and reaches out to pull Lana into the circle of their arms.

"There was nothing you could do, Clark. Sometimes, death just can't be stopped. It matters that he had you there with him, before.”

******

That evening, Clark stops in the midst of packing, looking at a stuffed bear. Lana climbs the last step as Clark places the bear in an open trunk. She steps over to the table where more of Evan's things are piled up. Lex had really spoiled him, just as he deserved.

“I can't believe he's gone.”

“I know. Me too.”

“This whole year, I've felt so disconnected. But when Evan came into my life, it was like I finally knew where I belonged. I had a purpose.” Lana looked ruefully over at Clark. “Even if it wasn't quite what I expected.”

“He only lived for a short time, but it seems like Evan's affected us like we've known him our whole lives.” Clark picked up a small shirt and folded it before placing it in the trunk. “I'm sorry you had to find out about me and Lex like that. It's just…it's still so new, y’know, we're not exactly telling people yet.”

“Don't be. Clark, we think we have all the time in the world, that we're going to live forever, but it's not true.”

“I guess we should make the most of the time we have before it's too late.”

“Exactly. Don't apologize to anyone for who you love.”

Lana picks up The Velveteen Rabbit and looks at it sadly. How was it just the other day that Evan was sitting up here, reading like he'd been practicing for years? 

“This was his favorite book.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“It was my favorite book when I was a kid.”

Lana looks at Clark, surprised, a smile curling her lips for the first time since Evan had aged into a teenager.

“I, um, I used to pretend that I was the rabbit. I was just like him, and my parents had brought me to life with their love.”

“My only hope is that Evan felt that way about the three of us.”

“I think he did. He didn't want us to be sad, Lana. He said we taught him what love felt like, and he was happy, in that moment before the change.”

They come together in a needful hug. He was grateful that Lana still wanted his friendship,  even now that she knew there would never be anything more. He needed it. He could feel Lex through their connection, they had been sharing comfort constantly since the windmill. But Lex couldn't be here all the time, and he was glad he had someone else who would also understand, who needed the grounding comfort of physical touch like he did. 

Pulling away from the hug, Clark pressed a chaste kiss to Lana's forehead. 

“You're such a dork sometimes, Clark.”

Clark flashed her a small smile before turning back to packing up Evan's belongings. They would be brought back to the castle with Julian's crib, set in that storage room full of sad, but necessary, memories. Waiting for another who might need them.

******

Once Genevieve opened the door, Lionel walked in and sat on the couch without waiting for an invitation. He picked up the bottle of wine from the coffee table, inspecting it.

“It's a 1961 Bordeaux. I am honored.”

Lionel hands the bottle to Genevieve and watches as she pours two glasses.

“Well, I assume your visit means I have...cause to celebrate.” She flashes him a meaningful glance.

“Don't all my visits deserve to be celebrated, Genevieve?”

“Mm. Some more than others.”

Lionel chuckles darkly and Genevieve hands him his glass. He smells the wine.

“Mmm…”, he lets out an appreciative sigh.

Genevieve walks toward him, staring at him almost seductively. A woman who knows how to get what she wants.

“Do you have something for me?”

Lionel stands, his face giving nothing away.

“I most certainly do.” He clinks his glass with hers, making a toast. “To the resolution of our problem.”

“Hmm…”

With a small smile, Genevieve takes a sip of the wine. Lionel turns away from her, his voice thoughtful, dangerous.

“Parenthood. It's an interesting phenomenon, isn't it?” He turns back to Genevieve who touches her throat, looking uncomfortable. His lips twitch cruelly. “The lengths we go to...to protect our children.”

Genevieve gasps for air and drops her glass. It shatters on the floor. 

“No limits.”

“What have you done to me?”

Genevieve falls to the floor, gasping and holding her throat, choking. Her eyes are wide with fear and the realization that she has underestimated her opponent. Lionel calmly puts down his glass and walks toward her.

“The wine you've just drunk will kill you in a matter of minutes.” Smirk stretches into shark grin. “I'm told that the pain will be excruciating.

Genevieve looks up at Lionel with a mixture of anger and fear. She can't believe he'd had the balls. 

“How about a trade? You give me the stone that you stole from Bridgette Crosby, and I give you…” Lionel reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a vial of blue liquid. “...the antidote.”

She reaches for it desperately, now unable to speak. He dangles it just out of reach. He knows he's won, and can't help but gloat just a little bit more.

“One more thing, Genevieve, dear. You go near my son, and anything that happens to him happens to you. Is that understood?”

Genevieve nods frantically, desperate. Lionel crouches and waves the vial in front of her.

“The element, Genevieve. Where is it?”

******

Clark is sitting on his front porch swing after Lana leaves, thinking. The bed of the truck is loaded up with the crib and Evan's belongings - minus The Velveteen Rabbit. Lex's things had already been collected before he had to head back to LuthorCorp to deal with all the ‘scientific findings’, whatever that meant. Martha and Jonathan come outside and Jonathan pats Clark on the shoulder as he steps up beside him. 

“You did everything you could, Clark.”

Martha sits next across from him on the wicker chair.

“I'm sure Evan knew that, sweetheart.”

Clark looks up at his parents, a look of curious wonder on his face.

“All the times that I've run off or disappeared or almost died, how do you guys deal with that?”

Jonathan kneels down in front of him.

“Well, it isn't easy, Clark, but it does come with the territory. You see, every parent's greatest fear is that one day they will lose their child forever.”

“It seems like raising a kid is the toughest job in the world.”

Martha smiles softly at her boy, brushing away a stray curl from his forehead. 

“It's also the most rewarding.”

“There is nothing quite like watching your son grow up into a young man you can be very proud of.”

“It's too bad I'll never know what that's like.”

“Oh, honey. Why not?”

Clark looks at them, his conversation with Lex in the storage room running through his mind.

“I'm from another planet. I'm not even human. Who knows if I can have kids?”

“Clark, your father and I couldn't have children. We were still blessed with a son. You never know what the future will bring you.”

Clark thinks about it and Jonathan touches his hands affectionately. He feels bad that his Dad doesn't know about the other hardship he could be facing even beyond genetic incompatibility. That he's not sure that, even if he and Lex stayed together forever, if they would ever be able to have a child in their lives that would be recognized as theirs. 

Jonathan pats him comfortingly once more and gets up. Martha lingers as Jonathan walks back inside, turning back to Clark.

“Go to him, Clark.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I saw how he was with Evan. Lex is hurting, too. Go. Comfort each other, grieve together. Stay as long as you need to, I'll take care of your father.”

Clark stands and pulls his mother into a hug.

“Thanks, Mom.”

*****

Lex can feel when Clark steps into the mansion, a sense of peace and love seeping into his room. He waited a few seconds, then whispered out into the darkness.

“Clark.”

Lex heard the click of the door just before he felt a soft breeze. Two seconds later, the blanket lifted and Clark was crawling onto the bed, into his waiting embrace. 

“The crib and everything are back in storage. Lana stopped by and told me you straightened things out with child services. Thank you for that.”

Lex pulled Clark further into his arms, letting himself absorb the soothing pulses he felt along the bond. 

“Trust me, it was nothing. There was very little documentation to deal with.” Lex felt Clark press his nose into the dip of his clavicle and rubbed his cheek over the mop of hair beneath it. “I promise you, Evan's life wasn't in vain.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, my team believes studying his unique cellular structure could advance research on cancer and age-related diseases by hundreds of years. In a year or two, when I'm sure his condition can't be traced back to the Kryptonite, I'll release our findings to every research facility across the globe. Evan's life could offer hope for generations to come.”

Lex can feel the surge of pride flow through the bond, feels Clark snuggle closer and a brush of lips over his skin.

“He was a special kid, Lex. I can't help wondering what kind of man he would've become.” 

Clark's voice was quiet, sad. Lex dipped his head down to press a gentle kiss to the top of his head, sending some comfort back along the wire.

“A good one...as long as you were in his life. You're gonna be a great dad someday, Clark, I know it.”

“So will you, Lex. We'll be great dads together.”

“I don't know about that. Look, we're all reflections of how we've been raised. Your parents gave you encouragement and support. Mine chose the opposite track. I plan on leaving a different kind of legacy.”

Clark looked up at Lex, not quite understanding. 

“Lex?”

They shifted, Lex looking down at Clark as he leaned back against the pillows.

“I don't know if I can be that kind of man, Clark. I want to. With you, I see myself wanting that life. I want that life for you. But, I don't know how to be a good one.” His voice softened to a whisper. “I don't want to become my father, Clark. I don't want my child feeling like I don't love them.”

Clark felt his eyes tear up at the pain he heard and felt, and wrapped himself back around Lex. 

“You won't ever be Lionel, Lex. I saw how you were with Evan, from the very beginning. I saw how much you cared.”

“I loved him like he was my own. From the second you pulled him from that crater. It felt like he was…ours.”

“Oh, Lex.” Clark searched out Lex's mouth, covered it with his own in a kiss that he hoped conveyed all the love he felt for this beautiful, broken man in his arms. He felt Lex relax in his embrace, tasted the salt-tang of tears bleed into the kiss. “Baby, we'll find a way to have that. Together. I know we will.”

“And you'll keep me from turning our child into a Luthor?” 

“Not all Luthors are bad. I happen to be in love with one who's pretty great.”

Lex let out a wet chuckle, resettling them on the bed. 

“I don't deserve you, Clark. How long can you stay?”

“As long as you need me.”

“I'll always need you, Clark.”

“Well, I've got permission for tonight. We'll work on forever.” Nuzzling into Lex's side, he felt contentment seeping into the bond. “Evan told me, up on the windmill, that he was glad we found him. And that he didn't want us to be sad. Just like Ryan did.”

“Evan loved us, Clark. Just like Ryan loved you. We don't want the people we love to hold onto that pain and anger after we're gone. We want them to be happy, even without us. It's okay to be happy, Clark. It doesn't mean you don't still miss him.”

“I love you, Lex.”

“I love you, too, Clark. And I'll always want you to be happy.”

Clark brushed aside the twinge of melancholy he felt at that statement, and tightened his hold on Lex. They had now, forever would come soon enough.

******

@leatafandom

[gallawitchxx]

29 for the kisses, please!

- - - - -

send me a number & i'll write you a smoocheroo 😚

- - - - -

#29: ...as a promise

The digital clock on the wall is a goddamn tease.

How is it only three-thirty?

It’s not the worst job in the world, working the reception desk at an auto repair shop. It’s mostly just answering phones and handing out intake forms. Running credit cards upon drop-off and pick-up, and using what little knowledge he has about cars to field basic questions. Ian’s a little surprised that his parole officer had stuck him in a place that was clearly running some kind of illegal chop shop after hours, but whatever.

Southside is as Southside does.

But today has been fucking dragging. A shipping delay had pushed a ton of work back a week or two, so there was only one pick-up on the books, and it had already happened. At nine a.m., right at the beginning of his eight-hour shift. One can only clean a desk so many times before starting to feel a little buzzed off cleaning spray fumes, so for the past couple of hours, Ian’s been supremely bored, his mind bouncing from one topic to another, trying to keep him occupied, but away from the mechanical sounds coming from the belly of the shop.

The ones coming from the only mechanic on duty today—Mickey.

Jesus, Ian’s got it bad for the guy.

Between Mickey’s filthy fucking mouth, greased-up knuckle tattoos, and the way his ass looks in a pair of coveralls, Ian never really stood a chance. But then he had to go and be funny and smart and secretly sweet with the kids who come in with their parents, and in no time at all, Ian was halfway to being fully in love.

The way Mickey looks at him doesn’t help the situation either, nor does the coffee and Kind bar combo he drops at Ian’s desk every shift, which means Mickey heard and remembered an off-the-cuff comment Ian made one morning when discussing break room snacks with the shop owner.

But what’s really making things hard—literally—is what happened the last time he saw Mickey…

A few nights back, a freak downpour had collided with a blocked drainpipe and flooded the shop’s main floor. They’d had to shut the whole place down so that the mechanics could instead work on pumping rainwater back outside where it belonged. When the worst of it was over, Mickey promised to take care of the rest, shooing the other guys out the door and home to their families. Ian, who didn’t have anywhere to be, and was a bit distracted by the way Mickey’s wet tank top was clinging to his cut chest, offered to stay and help finish the job.

Help Mickey out with another job, too...

But that was days ago, and even though Ian’s knees still ache from where he’d knelt on damp concrete, they haven’t talked since. Not even when Mickey had dropped off his breakfast! Ian had been on the phone, the timing of which felt suspect.

By the time four-o-clock crawls around, Ian’s worked up the nerve to go say something. But then the chime on the door alerts him to someone coming in, and before he can even say hello, some asshole is screaming at him about promised timelines and demanding a refund.

Ian puts on his best customer service smile and tries to smooth things out, but it doesn’t work. More yelling ensues.

“Ey, there a problem up here?” Mickey’s voice cuts through the noise.

“Yeah, there is,” spits the douchebag. “My car was supposed to be ready a fucking week ago, and this idiot here can’t seem to make that happen.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Mickey says, taking a step forward. “Imma stop you right there.” He looks at Ian for the first time (since he came down his throat). “Gallagher, can you head to the back and grab me the project file? Should be somewhere on my station.”

Ian blinks. “But the files aren’t—“

“Now, Ian,” Mickey commands, his blue eyes blazing. “Go.”

“Sure thing,” he says, rising from his chair.

The rage-red moron has the nerve to fucking smirk at him, and fuck, Ian doesn’t fight anymore—swore to his court-ordered therapist he was done with that shit—but this asshole just might get him back in the ring. His hands itch as he passes, clenching and un-clenching as his jaw clicks.

Mickey avoids his gaze, which pisses him off even further.

Ian forces himself onto the shop floor, closing the door behind him.

A few minutes later, Mickey joins him. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Ian scans him for signs of a struggle, but he looks good. Great, even, his cheeks pinked. “You?”

“Course. Forget that dick. Caved quick and left. It’s a fuckin’ shipping issue, ain’t got nothin’ to do with you.”

Ian nods, unsure what to do or how to proceed. After a beat, he mutters a weak thanks.

Fuck, it’s awkward.

Then,

“Didn’t know—”

“Listen, man, I—”

They both stop talking, laughing nervously, the tension breaking just enough for some of their natural chemistry to seep back into the situation. Ian’s hands now itch with a wholly new desire to touch and caress instead of maim.

“I coulda handled him, you know,” Ian mutters.

Mickey chuckles. “Don’t doubt that for a second. Thought you were gonna fuckin’ deck that dude.”

“I was—I would have…” Ian shrugs. “But if I went back to prison, we couldn’t finish what we started the other night.”

And well, that gets Mickey’s attention.

“Guess that makes me a hero or somethin’ then, huh?” His voice is like gravel as he steps into Ian’s space.

Ian stares at his mouth. “Or something.”

“Tell ya what…” Mickey stares back. “He comes back, we’ll kick his ass together. Can pin it on me if the pigs show up.”

“Promise?”

Mickey answers with his lips, his teeth, and his sinful fucking tongue.

By the time they leave for the night, their knees have matching bruises.

[lisupandowntown]

Intro Post

Call me Lis. Masterlist 1 is my earlier work and it tends to be less plot-focused and more idealized. Masterlist 2 is where we start getting into it. And mini-fics are mostly light bits of fluff and answers to asks that don’t fit in a main arc.

Masterlist Masterlist 2 Masterlist 3 Masterlist 4 Mini-fics

These characters have lived in my head in various ways for years and it’s time I tried to tell their stories.  At the beginning I didn't write in chronological order, but starting with Masterlist 2 I started weaving everything together and in order. There are some flashback stories, which I've made clear, and there will still be some continuity errors, but I'm trying to clean those up. .  

Here are my main OCs - I have so much more to say about all of them but I’m trying to reveal more through my fics.  As you will see in my earliest fics, I tended to idealize my characters a lot (Too Much), and so the stories read more vanilla than I intended. I've recently begun working on fleshing out their flaws, which were always there but I just didn't write about them, so be prepared for my characters to be a little "out of character" at times as I try to make them more well-rounded and less vanilla. Masterlist 1 stories are less plot and more introductions and single scenes/events. They are also heavy on the emeto. Masterlist 2 and thereafter are more plot-focused and tell the characters' stories in short arcs. Mini-fics are just that - small one-shots in the same general universe but not really part of the bigger plot.

ALSO, tw for mentions of previous sibling death in Rory and Logan’s stories). Auto accident (drunk driving) and cancer.

Rory Landis

25  Agent/detective with FBI and going to law school at night.  Not sure, but thinks he wants to be a prosecutor at some point.  His family and the Calders are very close friends - met when he and Gabe both joined the same peewee soccer team when they were five. Their parents hit it off and he and Gabe became best friends.  Dating/living with/in love with/extremely protective of Gabe’s sister Noa. His younger sister Jamie was Noa’s best friend.  She was killed when she was 11 when the car she and her mom were driving in was hit by a drunk driver.  Rory took it extremely hard.  Best way to get on his bad side forever is to even joke about drinking and driving.  Hugely into sports - plays tennis and soccer and golf for fun and loves to watch everything, has fantasy leagues, the whole thing.  

Comes from money and is extremely good looking - dark hair and green eyes.  Gets annoyed with people who only want to get close to him because of his looks. Between losing Jamie and because he’s always gotten attention for his looks, he’s wary of getting close to people and can be intense and aloof, but he’s got a dry sense of humor and is smart as hell and fiercely loyal to people he cares about. Has two brothers - 18 and 16.  

Noa Calder

23  In graduate school to become a therapist specializing in teens and young adults - currently helping lead a group therapy program for girls with eating disorders at the hospital where Jeremiah and Drew work.  She’s also an amateur photographer and is almost never without a camera.  In love with Rory and the only one who really gets him completely - even more than his closest friends Gabe and Jeremiah.  Was equally devastated about the loss of Jamie and her guilt over not being in the car that night.  Along with Drew, is the caretaker among their friends, but can be a control-freak about it. Very close to Gabe, once he got over the fact that his best friend wanted to date his little sister.  

Her looks rival Rory’s - wavy/curly dark hair and blue eyes.  She’s been hit on her entire life because of her looks and it makes Rory overprotective of her.  She’s also got a twin brother and another brother two years older than Gabe who likely won’t figure directly in my stories because I don’t have the energy, lol.  But having so many brothers has given her a thick skin about being hit on, but she also tends to be too nice about it because she’s grown up around decent men who’ve talked a lot about how difficult it can be to find a relationship and she never wants to be mean to someone who puts himself out there. It gets her into tricky situations sometimes.

Gabriel (Gabe) Calder

25 Noa’s brother and Rory’s best friend since age five.  Was kind of incredulous about why Rory would want to date his sister (and vice versa), and was pretty annoying about it when they first got together, and still gets jealous sometimes.  Works at a high-paying and stressful investment banking job, but is (usually) laid back enough not to let the stress get to him - kind of the opposite personality of Rory.  Gregarious and funny but also impulsive and sometimes too much so - can come across as irresponsible. Cute - curly, light brown hair and blue eyes, but lighter than Noa’s.  Dating Logan, who he met at work.  

Jeremiah Gable

26 Doctor, in his second-year of residency for surgery.  Graduated from a combined undergraduate/medical program in six years, going to school all year.  Only child of a single mother with whom he’s close - no father in the picture. Both thoughtful and stubborn - when he thinks he's right, it's hard for him to back down. Takes his work very seriously - he’s never had money and always worked twice as hard as everyone else because he was worried about keeping up or missing out because of his lack of experiences. It's always given him a chip on his shoulder about it. Dating/living with Drew, who he met at work when he was a medical student and Drew was a new nurse. 

Drew Thorton

25  Nurse, specializing in post-operative care, but also likes working in the ER.  Comes from a family that cares about money and status more than each other as people.  While he’s not estranged from his parents, he’s not particularly close to them or his siblings either.  They are tolerant but not truly supportive of his sexuality, and his decision to become a nurse (as opposed to a doctor, lawyer, banker, etc.) baffles them.  Personality-wise, he has a knack for making people feel good, but he's also impatient and can be overly emotional, in a "wears his heart on his sleeve" kind of way.

Logan Gold

24 Financial analyst at the firm where Gabe works, and where they met.  Her younger brother died of cancer when he was 14 and she was 18 and she floundered a bit emotionally once she didn’t have him to take care of, and dealt with it by throwing herself into her work.  She’s working on finding more balance and meeting Gabriel and his friends is helping her realize that she can have other relationships too.  She’s no nonsense and practical and often “the voice of reason” in the group.  

More details about my OC's

And still more details!

[essential-music]

The Tiny Desk stage, a cozy corner of musical magic, gets hijacked by a funk freight train piloted by none other than Nile Rodgers and his Chic crew.

It’s a groove grenade, detonating pure, unfiltered joy that’s got the room shakin’ and souls glowin’. Let’s break down this funky fever dream with the swagger it deserves.

Man, this band is tighter than a sequined disco suit. They’re slingin’ riffs, harmonies, and rhythms with surgical precision, no auto-tune or studio crutches in sight—just raw, organic talent that hits like a double espresso shot.

The bassist, Jerry Barnes, is droppin’ grooves so infectious they should come with a health warning, his fingers dancin’ on those strings like they’re tellin’ a story. The horn section? Razor-sharp, cuttin’ through the air like a funky switchblade. And let’s talk about Russell Graham on keys, ambushin’ the set with that “Soul Glo”.

Kimberly Davis and Audrey Martells? These queens are beltin’ out notes with such power and soul, they’re practically levitatin’ the audience. The sound engineers deserve a crown, too, ‘cause they’ve turned a tricky acoustic space into a crystal-clear funk cathedral. Every note pops, every beat slaps, and it’s all so clean you can hear the groove in high-def.

Nile Rodgers ain’t just playin’ songs—he’s servin’ up a buffet of bangers that’ve defined decades. “Le Freak”? It’s the anthem that makes your hips lie detector-proof. “I’m Coming Out”? A liberation jam that still sets spirits free. “We Are Family”? A unity groove so tight it’s practically a group hug in musical form. Then there’s “Soul Glo,” sneakin’ in like a prankster with a glitter bomb, turning the set into a full-on party. “Get Lucky” gets a Chic makeover, with the crowd singin’ along like they’re at the funkiest karaoke night ever—someone needs to bottle that version and sell it. “Good Times” and “Let’s Dance” round it out, each track a testament to Nile’s wizardry, mixin’ classic disco vibes with a fresh twist that keeps ‘em timeless.

The arrangements? They’re like a funky remix of your favorite cocktail—familiar but with a kick that makes you say, “Daaaamn.”

This ain’t no sit-down-and-sip-your-coffee gig. The energy here is straight-up maximum funkocity, turnin’ the Tiny Desk into a sweat-soaked dance floor. Nile and his crew are havin’ so much fun, it’s like they’re throwin’ a house party for the ages. Smiles are flashin’, heads are bobbin’, and the band’s chemistry is so electric it could charge your phone.

Nile’s out here, 71 years young, strummin’ his guitar like he’s got a direct line to the funk gods, his infectious grin pullin’ everyone into the vibe. The interplay—Russell’s “Soul Glo” surprise, the horns blastin’, the singers tradin’ riffs—feels like a jam session where everyone’s in on the joke and the punchline is pure joy. It’s a performance so alive, it’s practically got its own pulse.

Let’s give it up for Nile Rodgers, the architect of this groove empire. His guitar work is a masterclass—rhythmic, melodic, and so smooth it’s like butter on a hot skillet. He’s not just playin’; he’s paintin’ with sound, every chord a brushstroke of genius. This man’s penned hits for everybody—Bowie, Madonna, Daft Punk—and you can hear his DNA in every track. He’s the funk alchemist, turnin’ notes into gold, and at 71, he’s still got the energy of a kid who just discovered disco. His influence? It’s the backbone of modern music, from the ‘70s dance floor to today’s charts, and this Tiny Desk set proves he’s still writin’ the soundtrack to our lives.

This Tiny Desk concert ain’t just a performance—it’s a funk-fueled supernova. It’s the kind of show that makes you dance in your chair, cry happy tears, and holler at your screen like you’re front row at a festival. The musicianship is off the charts, the songs are immortal, and the vibe is so uplifting it could make a grumpy cat boogie. Nile Rodgers and Chic are music, deliverin’ a half-hour of pure, unadulterated bliss that’s got the whole world groovin’.

This is the gold standard, the funkiest history lesson you’ll ever get, and a reminder that when Nile’s in the house, the roof don’t just get raised—it gets launched into orbit.

[kata-sans]

Raising Stripe

Chapter 11

“STRIPE! Sit still.” Tweek cried out as he stopped the baby from hitting his head on the floor for the hundredth time that afternoon. Craig had gone back to work and Tweek had stayed behind to watch the baby. Since becoming the new owner of his family's coffee shop, Tweek had decided to perform his administrative duties at home and only visit the shop when needed. Normally Tweek was able to run errands and follow Craig occasionally to the auto shop. Now that meant, he was in charge of watching Stripe on his own until Craig came home.

Tweek took his role of caregiver very seriously. When Stripe was a guinea pig, Tweek only needed to clean his enclosure and ensure he was well fed. Now in his current predicament, Tweek took the time to read through the book Butter's had provided on child care. He became concerned when he began to read about different milestones babies need to develop healthily.

According to the book six month olds should be able to grab items, hold their heads up, and sit without being held up. Tweek decided to test the baby for these cues. He held up a bright red teether in front of Stripe. Thinking it looked like a tomato , the baby reached out and grabbed the toy before stuffing it in his mouth.

Satisfied with the first trial, Tweek grabbed the baby and proceeded to lay him down on his stomach. Stripe squeaked in surprise at his new placement. He squirmed for a moment before deciding to retry his first attempt at lifting himself. Tweek had placed a pillow under his chest, and Stripe was happy to see he could lift his head without pushing too hard with his hands.

Just as Stripe was taking in his surroundings, Tweek decided it was time to perform the last test. He rearranged the baby into a sitting position on the floor. Stripe was a little disoriented from the sudden movement. Slowly Tweek loosened his grip on the baby and almost had a heart attack when Stripe flopped to his right side. Seeing Tweek freak out, Stripe let out a giggle.

Tweek decided to try again, this time he paid close attention to make sure the baby's body was completely centered. As soon as his grip loosened, the baby flopped to the left followed by a giggle. Tweek was hysterical, the baby was missing a crucial milestone. He needed to rectify it immediately. So that began a long afternoon of attempting to coach the baby into sitting still on his own.

Stripe continued to flop left and right enjoying the new game his caretaker was playing with him. After ten minutes, he grew tired and decided to fall backwards a few times to keep the game interesting. Tweek tried adding a pillow behind Stripe to avoid accidentally dropping his head on the floor.

Tweek started to panic. What if something was wrong with the baby? The book said babies needed to reach these milestones to be healthy. Does this mean Stripe is unhealthy? Is he sick? Does he need to go to the hospital? Tweek unconsciously began to pull on his hair in frustration.

Suddenly Tweek felt a hand firmly grab his fists. “Tweek! Honey, let go.” He slowly complied with his husband's command. “Good. Now deep breaths…one…two…three.”

Slowly Tweek calmed down and became aware of his surroundings. His husband Craig was sitting in front of him holding tightly to his hands. He heard Stripe making confused noises wondering why the game ended. “I'm okay now, thank you Craig.”

“Honey what happened. You've been handling your anxiety so well. What triggered you today?” Craig asked softly.

“I-i was scared. Stripe can't sit up on his own. The book says babies should be sitting on their own at six months. I-i tried to help him, but he keeps falling over. What if s-something’s wrong? I-i…” Tweek felt his husband hand rub a tear on his face.

“Shh… Honey, nothing's wrong with Stripe. He was a guinea pig. They don't normally sit up on their own. Besides you know Stripe, he’s a lazybones and only works if you give him a treat.” Craig comforted his husband. Tweek giggled at his husband's description of their ex-fur baby.

Stripe cried out, tired of the lack of attention his caretakers were giving him. The couple laughed at the baby's pouty face. “Aww, don't make that face. I heard you giggling when I walked through the door. Was that my happy baby? Where's my happy baby?” Craig cooed.

Stripe was excited to have his caretakers’ attention again. He wanted to show the dark haired caretaker the new game his blonde caretaker had shown him. He rolled to his side and began to push his body up. He struggled for a moment to arrange his legs as his caretaker had shown him but slowly figured it out. His caretakers watched with shocked faces. Once he was sitting upright, he let his body flop to the left in a fit of giggles.

Craig quickly grabbed him before he could hit his head. “You little sh**. I bet you're so proud of yourself. You little rascal.” Craig tried to admonish him but couldn't hide his pride.

“You mean he was able to sit up this entire time!” Tweek cried out in shock. He was relieved but flustered with the infant's ability to pull one over him.

Ch10

Ch12

[randomvarious]

Today's mix:

01.1 by Timecode 2001 Drum n Bass

Holy mother of god, this thing was fucking magnificent! 🤯 Here we're kicking off the week with another mix from Rob Playford, the owner of top-shelf UK dnb label Moving Shadow, who operates as a DJ under the name of Timecode. Last week, I gave a listen to an excellent prior dispatch by Playford from this same Moving Shadow 'year-decimal' sampler mix series called 99.2, and for years I've also been cherishing 99.1, but with this 01.1 set, Rob appears to have raised the bar by a significant margin.

However, I will say this up front: I actually don't find this mix to be nearly as consistent as those other two. A lot of the first half of this set is just way too clean, simple, and linear for my own liking. Unless we're talking that soul-piercingly jazzy type of atmospheric stuff that people like LTJ Bukem are especially known for excelling at, I tend to like my drum n bass to sound like what you'd imagine the mad scrawlings of a disturbed child in a psychological horror sound like. Like, when the kid just sits in their psychologist's office for an hour and turns in a big, black, and fuzzy circle of absolute crazy? That's the type of shit I'm on. And It really takes a good while for this mix to whip itself up into that sublime state of blind frenzy.

And while 99.2 is a purely steady and fun bounce-fest, this one sees Playford adding a substantial dose of murky and corrosive subterranean grime to his brew. Basically, whatever the polar opposite of a flower needing water and constant, direct sunlight is, in order for it to grow from just a seed in the ground into its fully formed self with unfurled petals and all, is what this mix is.

And nothing in this set will probably fuck your head up more than its rightful and jaw-dropping capper, Dom & Roland's 9-plus minute extravaganza that is "Imagination." This is a patently bonkers track that surrounds its pumping breaks with thick hazes of eerie ambience and wickedly rumbling and dubby, zapping sub-bass. And it has its own drum-less breakdown too, à la progressive trance. Plus, Dom also appears before this one on a tune with Ryme Tyme called "Iceberg," which as a standalone track is actually relatively calm and still; but that then just opens up an opportunity for Playford to sow even more chaos by blending it with a track with a whole lot more action on it: D Kay's "Monolith," which is a song that maintains its vigor with intermittent insertions of dope jungle fills that signify a change in the succeeding bars every time that they're deployed 🤘. Hearing those little morsels of jungle play simultaneously alongside "Iceberg" definitely make for some of the best moments on this mix.

And one final thing before we close out: both 99.1 and 99.2 came with bonus discs that contained extra promotional content for Grand Theft Auto 2 on them. This release doesn't have anything like that, but the GTA-Moving Shadow partnership still continued on with this mix, as apparently you can hear portions of it on the MSX FM station in GTA3, with MCing done on top of the selections by Code:Breaker. And this also wasn't the only videogame series that Moving Shadow was affiliated with, either. "Imagination" actually first appeared on another popular Rockstar title in 2000, Midnight Club: Street Racing.

So maybe you'll impatiently tap your foot and point at your watch for a bit after first starting this thing up, but as the saying goes, good things come to those who wait. Just give this one some time, and the radioactive freak will eventually bust out of its padlocked cage and turn you rabid 😌. It's certainly not always the most satisfying set, but when 01.1 gets to where it needs to go, it really is an unbelievable y2k era drum n bass experience 🤤.

Listen to the full mix here.

Highlights:

Calyx - "Quagmire" Rascal & Klone - "Get Wild" Ryme Tyme - "Judgement Day" Rascal & Klone - "The Grind" Ryme Tyme - "T Minus" nCode - "Spasm" D Kay - "Monolith" Dom & Ryme Tyme - "Iceberg" Rascal & Klone - "The Phoenix" Aquasky - "Uptight" Shere Khan - "One Day" Technical Itch - "Crystal" Dom & Roland - "Imagination"

[22maysie22sturn]

“touch me while your boys play grand theft auto”

The pouges… but at cousins beach with a bit money

tsitp x obx

warnings: making out, fluff, “hand placement!!”, and protected sex. what did i just make? i don’t know.

(this is when ig was just sarah, john b, jj, kie, and pope.)

it’s no big surprise that carrie lucille has a crush on jj maybank. i mean, it’s heavily obvious. so, who’s carrie anyway? that’s john bs little sister. she’s 15 and the rest of the friend group is either 16 or 17. they are staying in cousins, massachusetts now after a long.. long.. freaking journey. carrie was in sarah and john bs room after a long day.

“i mean, i think it was kind of obvious tanner wanted to frick ya-“ carrie said, quickly getting cut off by sarah. “frick? what are you, a 6th grader? cuss you pussy.” she laughed out, obviously just joking with carrie.

“my bad”- carrie quips, letting out a couple laughs. “about punched him in the face” john b states, putting his arm around sarah

carrie groaned and flopped onto the bed.

not even moments later, jj and pope walk in, clearly just getting back from the beach. hencing at the no shirt, kind of sandy toes vibe.

“oh come on dude i just mopped!” carried says, sitting up and looking at them. sarah glances at john b then at his little sister again, a small smirk on her face.

jj and pope laugh, doing a small handshake. “i’ll clean for you, chill out blondie. are you even related to john b? i don’t get how your blonde” jj says, his smile brightening her mood. “it’s called the recessive gene dummy. go back to school.” she smiled out, silently shoo-ing them away.

they give eachother a look and walked away; the door shutting too.

“there goes your-“ john b says before getting a backhand from carrie. “HEYYY!” he laughs, rubbing his arm. sarah lets out a laugh too, seeing carries face light up a hinting red.

later on when carrie was hopping out the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself and leaned on the counter. she felt hands around her and quickly started blushing. “heyyy stop it, i need to change-“ she opens her eyes, seeing no one there. she turned a bit red after realizing she just daydreamed that whole thing. “tonight.. im sleeping good.”

jj gets up, wanting to get some food finally. kiara, pope, john b, and sarah were downstairs watching a movie while waiting for carrie. jj glances around the fridge for a couple minutes.

carried dried her waist length blonde hair, her green eyes glancing around quickly. she started to dutch braid it for the night while walking into her room, wondering what to wear.

“iii feeel so high school, everytime i look at youuu” carrie sings out from upstairs

jj, being close to the stairs heard it and smiled to himself. he always thought she was super funny in her own ways and would lowkey do anything for her.

she put a oversized red harvard shirt on and grey sweatpants before running downstairs. she saw jj and the others all in the living room.

“heyy you made it finally!” kiara says, smiling as she saw her best friend. “what’s good carrie” john b and sarah say in sync, looking at eachother in suprized after. pope gives a small wave and looks back at his phone

“hey beautiful people!” carrie states, sitting down between jj and kiara.

jj smiled and offered her some of his french toast. “want?” he says, trying to be nice after yelling at her drunkenly last night.

carrie was about to take a bite when she noticed the mold growing in the corner of the bread. she sighed and looked over him. “jj, babe, you can’t eat this it’s molding” she says, getting up to go make him something new.

john b heard the nickname and his jaw dropped, immediately whipping his head to look at jj. “did she tell you finally? are you guys dating!? yessss!!!”

jj looked away from carrie as she dissapeared into the kitchen. his face changes from content to pure shock and confusion. “woah- woah woah- wait- slow down.”

“did she finally tell you? i mean it’s non stop-“ john b says, getting cut off by a confused jj. “tell me what?”

gosh dangit john b… even sarah internally facepalmed.

jj slowly realized.. “wait, she likes me?”

john b nodded and smiled “yes!!” he looks back at the tv, not realizing what he just did to poor baby sis here.

carrie came back and sat back down, handing him cut apples drizzled with syrup on some non moldy bread. “Carrie Lucille special!” she smiled out at him.

jj nodded, the new realization making his heart beak faster than he wanted it too. he took a couple bites, smiling at how good it actually was. “thanks lover girl” he smirked, teasing her as he ate.

carrie raised an eyebrow and glanced away for a couple seconds. she realized and immediately glared at john b. she started to stand uo before hearing a quick “nope” from kiara. she slumped back in her seat and sighed

until, a hand touched her thigh.

carrie slowly looked over at jj. “thank you for the meal” jj says, setting the plate aside and licking his lips. she nodded and glanced at his hand before pope started the movie.

jj has actually had the fattest, down bad, devious but somehow secret crush on carrie for months. he needed that with everything in him.

as the movie played, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. carrie grabbed a blanket and got real comfortable. “hey” jj says, getting her attention. “lay with me” jj mumbled, carrie raised an eyebrow but layed in his arms.

after a while she got comfortable more while watching the movie, jjs hands wrapped around her tightly.

the next day, carrie couldn’t stand the taste of morning breath. she quickly brushed her teeth while half asleep, her head bumping into the doorframe as she walked out. dummy…

jj grabbed her waist. “careful there, pretty girl.” he smirks, picking her up and carrying her to her room. “i can walk ya know..” she says, slightly annoyed but still not minding jjs hands all over her.. she never minded. infact he can do whatever he pleases to her..

he layed in bed with her, the light practically punching at her curtains to be let in. jj ran his fingers thru her hair as he leaned on his elbow under her blankets. carrie was laying flat backed and staring at him.

“can’t take your eyes off me, can you?” he teased, just wanting to get a reaction out of her. mission accomplished, she rolled her eyes and gently pushing him away.

jj came back, putting his hand on her waist and getting closer to her. they stared at eachother for a bit before carrie couldn’t take it and kissed him. he quickly deepened the kiss, moving his hand all over her. he slipped his tounge into her mouth and she put her hand around his neck, a small whine escaping her.

there was a knock at the door a couple minutes later and jj broke away, slightly rolling his eyes. “what?” he called out, waiting for an answer.

john b opened the door and saw their promising position. he smirked and looked at carrie. “where’s my cart at?”

carrie slid out of jjs arms and sat on her knees for a second, getting it from her drawer and tossing it to him. she rolled her eyes and layed back down, jj immediately pulling her closer.

“you 2 stay right here i’ll be right back” john b smiled, running out the room. jj and carrie looked at eachother jj, starting to pull her on his lap. he slid 2 fingers in her waist band and rubbed her hips.

john b ran back in the room, blowing out smoke from his blinker. he gave jj a- “OH ARE YOU SERIOUS?” jj yelled out, blush quickly painting his face as he looked at the condom infront of him.

carrie shook her head and smiled, covering her face. john b was laughing so hard, you can mistake him for a tomato at this point. “don’t get my sister pregnant or i will hurt you. also keep the noises down please, pope and kiara are sleeping and im about to go fuck somebody”

“SARAH” carrie pushed john b away while giggling. john b nodded and was obviously joking tho. he walked out the room, jj not missing the wink he gave him.

“the man does what a man does” jj says, shifting her on his lap a bit. he felt her move hips a bit too much, starting to feel that unforgiving feeling in his pants. “don’t.. do that”

carrie realized and got up, locking the door. jj practically whined as she got up, immediately pulling her back on his lap after. they started to make out again, carries hands running up his shirt.

“let’s get these off real quick” jj mumbled, his lips staying close to hers as he took her sweatpants off. he lifted his hips and got his shorts off too, their clothes tapping onto the ground. carrie looked over both of them, her eyes scanning over his not-so-going-unnoticed bulge in his boxers.

“baby.. i-..” she mumbled, jj tilting her chin up. “shh.. do you want to..?” he whispered. didn’t even take a second before carried started nodding. This is what’s happening.

jj put the wrapper in his mouth, peeling it open with her teeth. he looked at her as she got his boxers off for him, immediately shifting as his hard on pressed against her palm.

she started to do the guys 9:00 at night work for him, him starting to move a lot and let out small groans. he then started to move her cunt over his length, both of them holding back sounds.

jj got an idea and pushed her down onto her back on the bed, quickly kissing down her body and hooked his lips onto her underwear, practically ripping them off. carrie let out a small moan when he moved his tounge around her clit. she moved around hella and shoved her face into a pillow that was nearby z

“nuh uh shh shh shh baby i’m not done with you” jj says, smirking as he slid the condom on. “be good for me baby.” he put the head of his dick at her enterance, his hand on it and another on her hips.

as he felt her tight walls around him, he let out small groans as he thrusted in her. “babyyy…” she whined out, holding onto his hips and biting her lip hard, you’d think it’d be bleeding.

jj continued, burying himself deep inside her. after minutes of non stop no mercy, carrie felt that familiar feeling in her stomach. her walls tightened around him and he let out a moan, letting himself go since it was protected by the thin latex layer wrapped around his dick.

after that, carrie layed on her bed, her pussy fucked good and a thin layer of sweat coating her skin. jj rubbed her side softly, whispering sweet nothings to her.

the next day, everyone was acting so weird, and it definitely didn’t go unnoticed by carrie. she walked out of her room, seeing jj drinking a beer- at 10:27 in the morning.. odd. john b was smirking, sarah trying to hold back a laugh. kiara was glaring at jj and carried meanwhile pope was just utterly shocked

“you did WHAT with jj?” kiara said finally, her mouth agape. “i can’t beleive you”

“are you mad?” carrie said, slight confused. kiara nodded and just scoffed, slightly proud of carrie for not being a pussy anymore. sarah pulled carrie onto the couch and hugged her.

what happens at cousins beach, stays at cousins beach

[theadventurek9]

Another ASCA trial day.

Unfortunately we had an incident with our smoke alarm at 3:30a this morning. It would beep about every 2-10 minutes, sometimes several times. The noise freaked Aayla out quite a bit. I tried everything to get it to stop but couldn't. She was pretty anxious but was happy to get out of the house so I didn't scratch her today.

For rally she was out of it and I really had to baby sit her which isn't normal. We still got decent scores but I had to repeat a sign and she wasn't as sharp and clean as she normally it.

Rally Masters 196/200, I had to repeat a sign when Aayla didn't sit when asked for a 90* pivot with sits.

Rally Excellent 197/200, some out of position points for her wandering away from heel.

Then for utility she was doing fine, but just flat and reluctant to sit. (Stress or insecurity issue) She didn't sit for one halt during signals and also auto finished again. Then she NQed on the second article. She is really starting to have some confidence issues. Spitting out the correct article halfway through and searching the pile again. For the second article she went back to the correct one but wouldn't pick it up to bring it to me. I decided to opt for a second cue and encourage her to bring it, which was an NQ. But she did fine for her gloves and her go outs, which previously have been our issues. I got one no sit on a go out but it was expected with her flatness for the day.

Open B was a lot better. She had a slow sit during heeling (kept looking away when right as the judge cued the halt and she didn't notice me stopping) but otherwise had a nice run and got a score of 197.5. which also got her HIT.

Hoping tomorrow will be better, normally she is better on the second day of a trial. We also figured out how to dismantle the smoke alarm.

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 20: Massage Chair

So far, this was how (y/n)'s day had gone:

Seven AM. She woke up to Ray's wandering hands and incredibly touchy mood, only to glance at her silent alarm clock and realise that last night's plan to sleep in had gone out of the window. He was awake, and so was the sky, the bees, the birds, the early risers, the late workers, and if they were up, it meant she was too. 

Eight AM. One energetic start later, she showered, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and threw on a pair of jeans and a jumper, ready for the day much sooner than the exhausted heroine last night would've hoped for - at least she'd crammed in seven hours. 

Eight-thirty. Time for breakfast. A quick shuffle around the kitchen - auto-snacker food was great, but it gained a metallic, plastic taste after one too many meals - and she returned to the main room with a steaming cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. Simple but effective; plus, it was nice to sit with her doofus and discuss what they would do that day as if they were a real married couple. The peace was lovely while the coffee lasted.  

Nine AM. The kids arrived. Henry, Charlotte and Jasper piled into the Man Cave simultaneously as Schwoz made his first appearance for the day, shattering the tranquillity of the happy couple cuddled up on the couch. It was all noise, smiles and raucous laughter from then on, stemming from the boys teasing their boss over how he spoon-fed his sweet girl to ensure she ate plenty. He blushed, she squeaked, and they found it hilarious - another typical morning. 

Nine-forty-five. Ah, yes--the spring clean in the middle of May--the third of the year. She dusted the shelves, wiped the table, and attempted to sort through some of Ray's infinite crap, which he said was essential, but everyone knew it was utter crap. After vacuuming the kitchen, the main room, endless corridors, their bedroom and a few guest rooms, she sanitised the auto-snacker, wiped every button on the supercomputer with a cotton bud to remove the built-up finger grease and mopped the tiles to sparkling perfection. 

Eleven AM. Finally, she slumped on the couch, content with how clean and fresh her surroundings were. Ever the neat freak, she admired her work, which would inevitably become dirty when the kids returned from their ice cream run, Ray's workout finished, or Schwoz started another dusty repair job. 

But, for now, she was free to be beside godliness and explore various online boutiques to book an appointment - wedding dress shopping, that is. Nothing seemed to catch her eye; some were too sparkly, some weren't sparkly enough; others were too long, too puffy like a pastry, too short, too old, too young. But she guessed that was what an appointment was for - there was a dress out there somewhere, and she and Charlotte were on a mission to find it.

Eleven-thirty. A call came in, and (y/n)'s brief sit-down with a cup of tea and the Goddess of Love Bridal Boutique was over. Everyone assembled in the Man Cave, scuffing her beautifully clean floor as Charlotte reported some tiny freak was attacking a furniture store. Oh, well. The cleanliness was pleasant whilst it lasted. So, the heroes rushed off as they always did, eager to save the day as the tea was left to go cold, and the helpers were left to do nothing. Lucky them. 

That was before things got really busy, and it wasn't even midday. 

"Oh, look who's back! We didn't even see you with all this really hard work we've been doing!" Schwoz grinned at Henry as the exhausted boy returned from the mission and stepped out of the tube. Curiously, neither Ray nor (y/n) was with him, and his skin seemed redder than usual; one spot, in particular, looked very sore and...in the shape of a tiny palm print?

"So, how'd the mission go?" As she walked over from the computer, Charlotte asked her friend where she and Jasper pretended to work. Ray hated slackers, and they feared that if he returned to them mooching about, there'd be hell to pay. It was easier to lie, even if the glittery pillow on the floor said otherwise. 

"Yeah! Did you guys capture Slappy Pete?" Jasper also asked, walking with the girl. 

"Yeah, we got him, but he slapped me pretty good. Is there a mark?" the sidekick hissed as he turned his face so they could see where the irritatingly quick criminal had managed to hit him. Oh, yeah, there was a mark - six fingers and a palm slowly emerging on his cheek as the skin flamed and throbbed. 

"Ehhh..."

"A little..."

"So red!" At least they broke it to him gently. 

"Tiny-handed freak," Henry growled, cursing the day Slappy Pete decided to become a villain since it would be super fun going home tonight to explain to his parents why he had yet another bruise blossoming. Seriously, they were starting to get suspicious about all the rough-and-tumble fights he said he had--boys couldn't be boys that much in one week. 

"I didn't know Slappy Pete has six fingers," Jasper noted as he analysed the mark and strangely counted one digit too many, thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him. 

"He was holding a tiny, little hot dog when he slapped me...tiny-handed, hot dog-eatin' freak!" His friend snarled, more to himself than anyone else since it was his poor reaction time that had allowed the miniature man to slap him one last time before they bundled him into the Man Van. And speaking of "they"...

"Where are Ray and (y/n)?" Charlotte questioned, partly wanting to move another before her friend angered himself into a coronary but mostly wanting to know where the happy couple were. Usually, they all came down together unless they needed "time alone". 

"Oh, they're going to be here in a couple of seconds with a little surprise," Henry replied mysteriously and did an odd little celebratory moonwalk as they cheered. They didn't get surprises often, especially not from the boss. 

"Is it backpacks?! Please tell me it's backpacks!" Jasper cried as he speculated what Ray and (y/n) could have for them; weirdly, all he'd wanted in life was backpacks. Hundreds and hundreds of packs for his back. Henry and Charlotte just hoped this wasn't another bucket situation. 

"What? No, dude. What's your deal with backpacks?"

"Name a better invention. I'll wait!" Jasper scoffed at the teen's puzzled face and folded his arms as he paused for an answer. In his mind, whoever thought of creating a sack for carrying things that went on your back was genius...but not the best invention in everyone else's. 

"Uh, the wheel," Henry replied, naming one of the oldest and most crucial development in human history, which made his best friend stop and think again. 

"Name two. I'll wait."

"The toilet," Henry went on, catching Jasper out again with one of those things that don't seem that important but are vital. Stuck and red-faced, the boy tried to go again, believing in the supremacy of the backpack, but he never got a chance to finish after Charlotte grew tired of his silly argument. 

"Name three. I'll w--"

"What's the surprise?!" she said over him, staring at Henry with wide eyes so he would continue before she tore her hair out. 

"All right, let's just say it's something you can sit in," he told her, smirking since he thought he was being all cryptic with his slight hint, but it was huge. How many things can someone sit in? So, it wasn't hard to guess. 

"Is it a chair?"

"I was also going to guess, chair," Charlotte and Schwoz responded, killing Henry's enthusiasm with their wit. Well, that was disappointing, and his smirk fell; now, he had no choice but to admit that Ray and (y/n) claimed a chair for themselves after the mission, but it wasn't as dull as it sounded. 

"'Kay, it's a chair. That was an obvious clue. Pete slapped me so hard..." he groaned and raised a hand to tenderly stroke his cheek. He might have given him a goddamn concussion, but he didn't have time to think about it when the elevator door opened, revealing a very giggly (y/n) pulling away from a blushing Ray.

"...Who wants to guess what we have under this sheet?" the hero announced after clearing his throat. They'd been kissing and flirting and all that gross stuff on the ride down, and he'd not expected the doors to open so suddenly, thus meaning the kids and Schwoz caught him being all soft and tender. Funny. 

"Chair."

"Is it a backpack?" Thankfully, however, they spared his blushes and didn't say anything as they swiftly straightened themselves and moved on. Charlotte and Schwoz went with their correct guess, but weirdly, Jasper refused to give up on the hope they were all getting new backpacks, even after Henry said they weren't. 

"Whoever said backpack was wrong," (y/n) said as she helped Ray wheel the shrouded object - chair - out of the elevator. He'd insisted that he could manage himself; after all, what kind of gentleman would he be if he left the heavy lifting to a pretty lady like her? But, as ever, the woman insisted, pointing out that she was stronger than she looked, something she'd proved time and time again. 

"I already told 'em it was a chair," Henry told her, glancing at the woman and noticing she sported her usual strawberry lipgloss - the shiny one that tasted delicious. It wasn't a remarkable observation, just a passing note that he should've disregarded since it wasn't exciting or funny...until he saw that Ray had an awful lot smeared on his lips too. Now, that was funny. 

"Well, then, whoever said backpack is an idiot," the man repeated his sweet girl's words but with his little joke, glossy lips smacking together with each syllable sounded. Who was he kidding? He was addicted to the taste of honey-coated strawberries and chased it at every opportunity - wore it with pride whenever he could, "Because it's a chair!"

Ray removed the silver sheet from the large lump to reveal possibly the fanciest, most beautiful chair ever created. Gorgeously soft leather smoothed across carbon fibre armrests and back to sculpt a sitting experience like no other, coloured gold, black and cream, so every inch of the lucky person sat in it had the time of their life. Only one chair in the universe looked so good, and they all knew its name. 

"That's a Royal Relaxer Massage Chair," Jasper breathed out as Charlotte and Schwoz gasped beside him. They stepped forward as Henry took a seat, marvelling at the most incredible massage chair in the world, wondering how the trio managed to get one and thinking that they do or give anything to have a go in it. 

"Hold onto your brains.." the boy said as (y/n) passed him the remote control, and he activated the chair. It began glowing and thrumming, sending a thrill through the helpers' bodies as he smirked at their reactions, "'cause I'm about to blow your minds!"

Looking down at the fancy touchscreen remote, Henry slid the volume button from the bottom to the top, causing a loud, rock-n-roll song to start blasting from the speakers. It was precisely Ray's idea of a hit tune, and he danced goofily in time to the beat to both show-off and make his precious girl laugh as the kid moved forward. Oh yeah, the chair could move. 

"How did you guys even get this thing?" Charlotte asked, amazed by the luxury and technological spectacle as the chair turned around. The rock riff ended, meaning Ray stopped dancing and returned to holding (y/n)'s hand as they crowded around. 

"Ah, well, when we finally caught up with Pete, he was slappin' up a bunch of people at that fancy Ukrainian massage chair store," Henry replied, exhilarated to retell the tale and experience the heavenly massage. His muscles needed it after the hellish morning he'd had--as if (y/n)'s wasn't any busier. 

"Chair-nobyl?" Schwoz suggested, causing the heroes to nod. 

"That's the one," (y/n) confirmed, remembering how plush and soft the carpet felt under her boots in there and how she thought that the expensive wallpaper would be enough to pay for her wedding dress at least. "The owner was so happy we stopped him that he was like, you can have any chair in the store. And we were like, how about that one?"

"And he was like, uh, no, any chair but that one!" Ray giggled as he cosied up to his fiancée, adopting a silly Russian accent as he imitated the flustered storeowner after they asked for the best stock he had for free. 

"And we were like, shut up, dude. You said we could have any! And he was like--"

"Oh, no, why did I say any?!" the hero went on, interrupting Henry since he deemed his funny voice to be better than the kid saying it in a boring way. It had felt a little mean at the time, but the deception was worth it for that chair. After all, the man made a promise. 

"Then, we took it!" (y/n) finished simply with a broad smile as her doofus released her hand in favour of wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He looked at her happy face and pressed a kiss to her temple, eliciting more giggles as he reflected on their cunning actions. 

"We did, we did... We took that stupid old man's chair! He was so tiny!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Charlotte shouted over her boss and Henry as they began to banter over (y/n)'s head. The woman contently rested against his chest as they laughed about the doddery shopkeeper until the girl pointed out something highly significant - something (y/n), in her tired state, failed to notice five minutes earlier. "Did you two walk through Junk-N-Stuff dressed as Captain Man and Miss Danger?"

"Pfff, no..." Ray scoffed, thinking she was insane since neither he nor his pretty girl would ever be that dumb or careless. They were so damn careful about where they went as their heroic personas, but when he glanced down to laugh about it with her, he and (y/n) noticed that gone were her jeans and jumper, and in their place was her signature red satin skirt and matching bodice. Oops.

"Shit, yes, we did. Come on, doofus!" (y/n), suddenly not half-asleep, nudged Ray quickly and bolted out of his arms, attempting to drag him before anyone upstairs could ring the press, their friends, family and half of Swellview to report who they'd seen. 

Captain Man and his beloved fiancée did not frequent poky little stores filled with junk and stuff, so one sighting would have god knows who sniffing around, which could only lead to bad things. 

"Ah, if you'll excuse my incredibly hot girl and me, we need to go erase some memories upstairs. Schwoz? A little help?" Ray sheepishly said as he allowed (y/n) to tug him, but not before looking over his shoulder at the genius behind him. He invented the tech, so it made sense for him to help, although everyone knew the real reason. Schwoz would do the dirty work after the fun stuff was over, leaving the boss more time to fawn over his future wife. 

"Can I do the wiping this time?" Schwoz enthusiastically asked as he grabbed the memory wiper, the teens crowded around the high-tech chair, and the couple waited for the elevator. They were already all over each other--well, Ray was; (y/n) reciprocated, but she was understandably concerned about the morbid possibilities brewing upstairs. 

"Uh, maybe when you're older," the hero replied absentmindedly. Whilst his precious girl found the small man's childlike energy cute, he wasn't so fond of it, mainly because the wiping was his favourite part. Seeing someone forget everything was strangely fascinating, especially when they started doing stupid things. 

"Awww," Schwoz pouted and looked down at his feet before coming up with another idea, "can I help drag the body outside?"

"Sure thing, Schwozie," (y/n) nodded as the elevator dinged and opened. She pinched his smiling cheeks as you would with a boy, and he squealed with happiness at the thought of helping out those in charge. 

"You're too nice to him, darlin'", Ray muttered as he pressed the button for Junk-N-Stuff and glanced at his handyman, who, after receiving such thrilling news, couldn't stand still. The heroine looked up at her lover with a warm smile and shrugged, knowing he wouldn't be complaining when the two minutes of alone time gave him ample opportunity to put his hands on her butt without judgement. 

"I know, but you wouldn't love me if I weren't this sweet," she replied teasingly, fully aware that he fell for her unending kindness before anything else - which he'd told her many times before. It wasn't a serious comment, but when talking about his undying love for her, Ray took it very seriously because it was his favourite thing to tell people. 

"Oh, I think I would. I love a million other things about you. Your pretty eyes, the way your shampoo makes your hair smell gorgeous, your favourite lip gloss, how hot you are when you're fighting, how hot you are when you're not fighting, how smart you are, your sweet lil' a--" he listed, ticking everything off in his head as he raked his adoring eyes down her body. (y/n) blushed under his intense scrutiny and gushing words, heart fluttering as his smile turned mischievous, only for Schwoz to draw the line there. 

"Okay, Ray, we get it! Jinkies, you'd think she was the only girl in the world," Schwoz clamoured, having heard enough about his friend without needing to go further south. He didn't need to know about that. And whilst he thought it was cute, the man's gushing was a little excessive - enough to give the genius tooth rot from how sugary it felt, but then again, in some ways, Schwoz's words were correct. 

"She's the only girl in the world for me," Ray muttered to himself, and no one heard him over the scuffle of the elevator grinding to a halt and dinging. His companions exited first, oblivious to the sentiment he'd mumbled, but it didn't matter. Only he needed to know that there'd never be anyone else for him since he was adamant that he would be in love for life. 

"Dude, you gotta believe me!" They heard from the backroom as they tiptoed out of the elevator. Schwoz hung back, nervous about being seen since he didn't have the luxury of a mask like the heroes, but they mimed for him not to panic. The teenage dirtbag type next door didn't seem like the intelligent type. 

"I just saw Captain Man and Miss Danger! Nah, nah, they weren't fightin' crime. They were, like, rolling this big chair through this door, and, dude, the Cap couldn't keep his hands off her butt!" The teen said in his annoyingly chilled-out voice, crooning to his bro about the heroes he'd witnessed out of the blue. The rumours were true; Captain Man was a dweeb for his girl, but bro, M-D was so fire. 

"I think it was like--"

"Tap, tap!" Ray said confidently as he nudged the boy's shoulder. He'd heard his comments about his infatuation with one of his sweet girl's finest features, and whilst it was true - he never could keep his hands to himself - it wasn't an observation he wanted making by a punk like him. 

"One sec, dude. Someone wants to talk to me," the dumb boy laughed as he turned around, his long, poncho-style jacket fanning out as he did. He had a peculiar look that made (y/n) raise an eyebrow as she handed the primed and ready-to-go memory wiper to her lover, who was more than ready to turn his brain into a noodle--or whatever was in there. 

"Duuuuuude," the teenager groaned as he slowly turned around, phone lowered to his hip, and saw the real-life Captain Man and his lady friend standing there. His friends would never believe what he saw; they'd probably put it down to some hallucination, given that they no doubt smoked their minds to mush every night, but finally, he'd be able to tell them that the best boobs in Swellview went to Miss Danger with no competition. 

"I think you're forgetting something," (y/n) told him softly as he stared into the disked plunger of the device, watching with a sad expression when Ray squeezed the trigger. Before he could react, a relentless attack of green waves engulfed the kid's face, addled his brain, making everything so very hazy. It was never pleasant to see someone forget every person and thing in their lives, but they had no options. Oh well, they'd make sure he went to a good home. Somewhere. 

"Yeah, like my girl's ass," Ray grumbled as the boy gave one final spaced-out grin before collapsing, exhausted by the process. As he fell, his phone clattered on the floor, and as everything returned to silence, the couple realised that whoever he'd been chatting with hadn't hung up. 

Taking a quick look to see if the coast was clear, Ray snuck to the teen's side, eager to grab the phone and convince the moron on the other end everything was okay. That way, no one would come looking for the bum on his shop floor. 

"What are you going to say?!" his sweet girl mouthed to him as she flipped the door sign to say closed - for privacy they sorely needed in those outfits. Distressed by the idea of someone recognising his voice, she gestured for him to end the call, given that everyone knew the commanding tones of the city's best crimefighter, but as she got close to his side, Ray soothed all her worries and cleared his throat. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

"Whoa, dude! I was totally wrong! It wasn't Captain Man or his incredibly hot fiancée, Miss Danger, just another really handsome dude. But, my guy, the girl was smokin' too. You should've seen her! Later, brah!" he exclaimed in his douchiest accent, imitating the kid to a tee. 

His words brought a blush to (y/n)'s face and a chuckle from her lips as he signed off the call without a hitch, and when he cleared his throat again to bring back the baritone she loved, she kissed his cheek and jaw adoringly. To some, he was an idiot, but to her, he was a doofus. 

"He's all yours, Schwoz," Ray told the genius hiding behind the counter. He'd snuck in behind them, something they noticed since they were trained superheroes, and even though the idea of dragging a body away was repulsive to them, he still retained his enthusiasm - licking his lips and everything. 

"Nice plan, handsome, but shouldn't we help out?" (y/n) asked as she observed the little man get to work. Even though it was a teenager's body, it was still an immense amount of weight for such a tiny guy to shift, so her sweet side begged to help. However, when his arm curled around her waist and began to pull her away, it decided it preferred his attention instead. Schwoz would be fine.

"Nah... I am gonna scroll through this guy's photos with my smokin' hot girl," the hero replied smugly and guided her towards the ratty, old couch that had sat in Junk-N-Stuff for more years than they cared to remember. It was a bit gross, stained, musty-smelling and dogeared, but neither cared as Ray plonked on the sponge, the stolen phone in one hand and his girl's wrist in the other so he could pull her into his lap. 

(y/n) copied his movements, albeit with more grace than him, and wiggled around until she found the comfiest position, leaning her back into his chest and going floppy when she did. Ray released a groan he didn't know he'd held until she stopped moving her hips, and before his beloved fiancée could blink, the cell and plenty of embarrassing photos were in her face - the only distraction that could take his mind off other things right now. 

"My god, this guy is such a loser," he breathed out as he scrolled through the kid's photos from top to bottom. His earliest ones were bland and uninteresting, just some screenshots and saved images, but further down, the pictures he'd taken were much more enjoyable. They told him that the boy went everywhere on a skateboard, hated it when his dad told him to clean the garage, had a pet goldfish called Emo, and his friends hung out at the local park to drink cheap whisky, and he wanted to be a college drop-out. Go figure. 

"Hey, look," (y/n) murmured as her lover kept scrolling, only for him to stop when she pointed at one particular point in time, "he has a girlfriend. He can't be that much of a loser."

Looking at where she pointed, the hero realised his sweet girl was right. Suddenly, the feed included a similarly grungy-looking girl with a thick, dark fringe, thick, dark eyeliner, and dark, foreboding clothes. To look at her, you'd think the happiness and joy, plus any pastel colours, had been sucked out of her, but in the photos, she looked happy. They looked happy - together.

"Mine's better..." Ray gloated quietly, a smug expression on his features as she gave him a playful glare. Of course, she was trying to be serious, but, as always, it was a mini competition for him—who had the hottest girl—and Ray knew his was the most alluring, kindest, sweetest girl around, hands down. And he mentioned it whenever, wherever, with whoever, but (y/n) didn't need to hear it, so she teased him.

"Oh, yeah? Your girlfriend? I didn't know you had one of those! You'll have to introduce us some time," she giggled, their noses bumping as he leaned into her body and chuckled. She'd pick up on any misguided phrase, not that Ray minded since her teasing always brought kisses and snuggles. He laughed into the brief kiss they shared - a mere peck - as they forgot about the phone and the depressing reality that the kid would forget about his life, family and friends, preferring to focus on each other instead. 

"Well, I don't have a girlfriend anymore, per se," the man replied in a funny voice, acting as though there was some big secret between them or as if they were both foolish, "I've got something even better."

"I love you so much, Ray," (y/n) whispered after kissing his forehead and resting her head on his chest. She didn't see the need to drag out the teasing anymore and felt too shy to hear any more praises; her heart might explode. So, she pressed against him even further, seeking the warmth that always helped her drift off for a nap, which she needed. Dear god, she needed a rest. 

"I love you too, sweet girl. Always have, always will," he replied softly, feeling the peace of the moment wash over him as her breath fanned over his chest in a warm, continuous cycle. He'd hold her there for however long she needed, be the perfect pillow to sleep against, and be the best protector whilst she rested because he meant it. He'd loved her forever, and as he returned to scrolling through the phenol for a laugh, nothing could be more explicit - he was the luckiest guy in the world when an angel decided to love a loser like him. 

~The next day~

Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to spend an entire afternoon dozing, lazily making out and snacking. After all, when the cats are away, the mice will play. Or fight. And argue. Mostly fight and argue. 

It turns out that the fancy chair sneakily gained by the heroes was not only the best but the most coveted amongst the kids, and as such, they all wanted a turn. However, like most chairs, only one person could sit on it at one time - unless you were convinced otherwise, like Ray and (y/n).

Henry wanted a turn; he was the hardworking sidekick, so why not? Charlotte also wanted a go; she had all the brilliant ideas, so why not? Jasper wouldn't mind either; he...had enthusiasm, so why not? 

They all had reasons, they all had an argument, and they all had weapons, so, of course, an all-out war erupted between the teens, culminating in the following afternoon when Ray sat down to read a fascinating audiobook he'd downloaded from the PearStore. So, with his sweet girl dozing in his lap - the exhaustion was still absolute after an early-morning call again - he would thoroughly enjoy it. If only...

"Get away from that chair!" Charlotte hissed as Jasper stepped toward the prize they were squabbling over. The Royal Relaxer Massage Chair had been left overnight in the main room since that was the only neutral ground in the hideout, but unfortunately, it was also the most crowded, which meant whenever someone shouted, (y/n) murmured and jerked in her sleep, which in turn bothered her doofus as he was concerned about her rest and listening to his book. 

"No!--Owww!" Jasper replied definitely, earning himself a laser to the left arm from his friend. That's right; Charlotte wasn't one for weapons, but nothing's fair in love and war. No one said anything about dirty tactics. 

"It's not your turn!"

"It's not yours, either!"

"I'm sitting in that massage chair, Jasper!" the teens argued back and forth, growing so loud that their voices even bled through Ray's headphones, interrupting the guy talking about being a firm but the fair leader in the workplace. If it was lousy for him, he didn't dare imagine how his sweet girl must've been feeling. He could feel the soft vibrations of her frustrated whimpers every few seconds, and slowly, he was starting to get pissed off. 

"Go ahead, see what happens!"

"Are you threatening me?!" Charlotte asked incredulously as she stared down the point of Jasper's laser controller and him with hers. Neither wanted a standoff, not between friends, but the other had to be bluffing. They wouldn't do some severe harm over a chair, would they?

"I am trying to!"

"Well, you know what? It's not working!" They bickered, again drawing Ray's focus from his audiobook and adorable fiancée to whatever they couldn't agree on. His eyebrow perked, and it flashed in his mind to step in and tell them to knock it off, but then, the elevator dinged and out stepped Henry. Finally, someone with a calm, balanced mind. 

"All right, all right. Move out of my way. I got a massage coming!" he announced as he strolled into the room, only to face a barricade formed by the newly allianced Jasper and Charlotte. They didn't want to lose out on the chair, but he was an enemy, too, so it was mutually beneficial to take him down first. 

"You're five minutes late," Charlotte stated innocently, in the kind of voice the annoying kid uses in class to snitch on people. 

"Which means you missed your turn," Jasper added on, not caring about how much trouble his friend could get in should their bosses hear about his tardiness. Of course, Ray and (y/n) were aware, even in their relaxed states, but one odd comment could be the nudge for them to scold him for unprofessionalism. 

"Okay...I understand...but there's something you guys should both know..." Henry said fragmentedly, trying to seem calm and soothing before he reached into his pockets and double-crossed his best friends, "I've got two zappers!" 

"Uh-oh! Papa's home for dinner! That's right. I'm crazy! I'll do it!" he grinned at them manically as they struggled to pin him down with a single laser each. Jasper and Charlotte dithered between aiming at him or the other, but Henry was borderline psychotic with the power he wielded over them. The arguing got so bad that (y/n), still clinging to the prospect of sleep, even though she'd been awake for the past ten minutes, thumped her hand against Ray's pec in protest. 

Couldn't they do this somewhere else? They hadn't helped an old lady out of a sewer at five AM--she had. Plus, she hadn't slept properly in days. She should get the damn chair. 

"You know what? I'm the one who fought Slappy Pete, so I should be able to use the chair whenever I want," Henry proclaimed, thinking it was only fair. 

Finally realising that this problem wasn't going to go away so simply, Ray pulled down his headphones to hone in on their argument as (y/n) cracked open her heavy eyelids and raised her head. It was criminal to do so; her lover had the world's comfiest lap and chest for dozing. 

"Well, I'm the one who figured out that Slappy Pete was even heading--" Charlotte fired back, thinking it was only fair. That was until Jasper stuck his nose in and ruined it. 

"Beh, beh, beh, beh, beh!" he mocked, silencing her words since, to him, it was all just white noise. "Ray told me to shut up right before the emergency call came in, and I did. So, if I hadn't, you wouldn't have even heard the call, so..."

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"So I should get the chair!" He bellowed above Henry's scoffing and stupid comments, thinking it was only fair. If he never did all that, the chair would have never entered their possession, so he held the most prestige. Either way, the couple sitting behind the group had grown tired of the endless yelling and empty fights, knowing they couldn't ignore them indefinitely. 

"We should intervene," (y/n) muttered against Ray's shirt, her lips brushing against the skin poking above his collar. 

It was the right thing to do, even if the thought of leaving his warm, firm embrace with those tree trunks gently curled around her waist and the occasional falling kiss landing on her forehead. Ray wasn't too happy either, not when he'd just gotten to the good part of the book and entered a state of absolute bliss with his dream girl perched on his knee, looking so peaceful and content. 

But he listened and didn't argue when she stood up and stepped away wearily, taking his frustration out only on the teenagers who caused it. 

"Okay, okay, everybody, shut up!" he roared above the petty squabbling and kicked at the rota fashioned by Charlotte for turn-taking and quickly ignored by Jasper. The clattering of the sheet metal flying off the table was enough for the trio to button it and look guilty at their boss, who was visibly seething at their inconsiderate behaviour. 

"Now, we've been listening to you guys argue for the past ten seconds, and we're sick of it!" the man snapped harshly, sending them into apologetic excuses about how it was everyone else's fault and not theirs. Their eyes flickered up to (y/n)'s, dreading seeing her disappointed face since it was so much worse than her angry one, but she didn't wear either. Instead, she seemed mildly irritated and more teacher-like than anything - what a relief, maybe. 

"Now, normally, I would teach you all a lesson by lighting that chair on fire and forcing you all to watch it burn," Ray told them, causing the kids to grow pale and beg for him not to. Anything but that; they were desperate and, as such, turned to (y/n) in their hour of need since she held power to reason with the furious man. 

"No, don't!"

"Burn me instead!"

"Maybe give them your second idea, handsome," the woman said and turned to her lover with hooded eyes, and the teens sighed from her mercy. She could never be that cruel; plus, it wasn't a good idea to torch a massage chair she wanted to use, no matter how much her heart told her their soulmate would always be comfier. 

"But I'm halfway through the first chapter of this audiobook, so I'm going to do what it says," Ray quickly changed his tune and flashed his screen at them so they could see the brilliant blue cover of his latest read - one of those jargon-packed, ridiculously chirpy self-help books printed by dull people filled with bullshit and chaos. 

"How To Be A Boss Boss? (y/n/n), you're seriously letting him read this?" Charlotte squinted at the man's Pearphone to read the title before her questioning eyes flickered to her friend. It sounded like pure drivel, and god knows that Ray didn't need more of that in his head. 

"Well, I believe all life coaches are charlatans who only see idiots with credit cards. However, if my Ray-Ray wants to read a book, he can. Plus, he's hot when he's being authoritative," the woman replied, her eyelashes fluttering at her softening doofus as Charlotte's did the same - but only because she was rolling her eyes. 

Ray didn't know if it was the poor sleep schedule talking or her unimaginable love for him, but he felt his heart explode at the adorable nickname, deeming it new but immediately treasured as a heat simmered in his belly at the second part. If she liked him acting the boss, he'd give them the biggest ticking-off in the world  - although mean bosses don't usually bend over backwards for their future wives. 

"Precious girl..." he smiled and pulled her into a brief side hug, shattering the façade of him being a strict and severe leader as he melted like butter under her warm affection. Suddenly, Henry, Charlotte and Jasper wondered why they'd ever been afraid because if they needed to soothe his temper, they had to stick his sweet girl in front of his eyes. 

But they moved too late, and all too quickly, Ray steeled himself and donned the "boss boss" mask again, despite everyone knowing that wasn't the real him. 

"Schwoz!" He bellowed, splitting the teen's eardrums since he only had one pair. Well, it was nice that he didn't deafen someone with his sudden personality change, which was so fast it could've given them whiplash. 

"Uh, real quick, big dog," Henry jumped in, unsure if it was wise to start asking questions as he summoned his live-in minion, but he felt compelled to anyway, "I don't know if you heard, but I'm the one who fought Slappy Pete, so uh--"

"Yeah, well, we fought him too, so we should get--and they're not listening," (y/n) began to argue back, thinking that they hadn't factored her and her doofus into the equation when it was the fair thing to do. However, the kids merely fell into a fight again, bickering over who did, said or helped what, which forced Ray to storm over to the computer and get drastic. 

"Sounds like it's chair-burnin' time!" he growled, pulling them away from their insignificant grievances when he held a blowtorch aloft in his hands. The flame was lit and burning hotly, ready to start smoking their beloved massage chair, and they didn't want that to happen. 

"How To Be A Boss Boss says I shouldn't let you guys fight over a chair..." the hero continued as he relented and returned the blowtorch to its place as a subtle warning by the computer. 

Then, he sat on the chair, curling his arms to enlarge his biceps and spreading his thighs to thicken them deliciously. What (y/n) wouldn't give to take a seat there too, but simultaneously, she was enjoying the majestic view he made. "It says I should make you fight over a chair."

"That doesn't make sense,"

"It really says that?"

"Doofus, should I confiscate this book?" Henry, Charlotte and (y/n) pondered as they silently debated whether that was an actual rule and a good idea. Unquestionably, that point was self-destructive and not a boss move, yet whether it made sense or not, Jasper was ready to lay his soul bare if it meant a taste of heaven. 

"I will fight the world for this chair." A strong statement to make, and it had his friends looking at him strangely because it made him appear desperate and played right into Ray's hands, so thank god for Schwoz. 

"You called for me, boss?" The small man dutifully asked as he appeared from behind the secret door, wiping his hands with a rag to remove any grease from an interrupted repair. 

"Yeah...get the death snake," Ray instructed him ominously, his eyes flickering to his sweet girl so he could rake his eyes down her body in an equally hungry manner, but no one else noticed. They found themselves too busy with the sudden fear of a "death snake" hitting them since it sounded so vicious and deadly. 

"Why should I get the death snake?" Schwoz questioned indignantly, immediately noting the danger and high risk of death if he was to head into the storage room and start playing with the dangerous reptiles there. 

"Because I'm the boss boss, and I say say so so!" However, Ray begged to differ. Stupid Schwoz was undermining his authority because usually, what he said went. And his pretty girl couldn't quiver at the knees and look at him with those doe eyes if the disobedient genius made him out to be an idiot, who no one respected. 

"No, but you're indestructible! I'm--"

"Do as I say! You want me to say it louder? Do as I say!" Ray growled, even as Schwoz made an excellent point. He was soft and squishy, practically a pincushion for any serpent who wanted to sink its fangs into something, but that didn't affect Ray. Why couldn't he do it, so everyone avoided an excruciating death?

"No, no, no!"

"It's not going to bite you! It's not even poisonous--" ironically, they were now the ones bickering, with the teens and (y/n) watching on in boredom as the boss tried to salvage his control - badly. 

"That's not strictly true, Ray," the heroine butted in after hearing her doofus say something that wasn't strictly true. That damn snake could kill someone, especially someone of Schwoz's size; why did he think she never went near the thing? Super-regeneration, be damned; she wouldn't take any chances. 

"Okay, it's very poisonous! I don't know why I said that!"

"Yes, it is! You go!" Schwoz told him, switching their roles of employer and employee until he began nudging Ray closer and closer toward the secret door, but the man held his ground. He still had some dignity and power to cling to, and he wasn't about to be bullied by someone half his height. 

"I'm not gonna go!" he snapped.

"(y/n), a little help?" Schwoz smirked as he tilted his head to the oblivious woman - his secret weapon. She looked at them blankly, wondering why he wanted to drag her into their spat, but it was all elementary. Unlike the kids, Schwoz would exploit Ray's greatest weakness without worry because it would mean he'd survive to live another day, so after a quick gesture, (y/n) sighed and relented.

"Ugh, fine," she muttered and stepped away from the bemused kids, all holding back laughs from how their great leader's resolve broke when her eyes met his. So much for being the boss boss. 

"Doofus, I need you to go and get the death snake."

"But sweet girl--"

"Ah! No buts! Now, be a good boy and run along..." she told him firmly, feeling a feeling of satisfaction pool in her tummy when his protests dried up on his tongue because there was no way he could refuse. He sought her approval and pride like the air his lungs sought to breathe, and no matter how small and meaningless the task, he wore her pleasure like a badge in the shape of her heart pinned to his chest. 

"Okay, baby," he nodded, practically a puddle when she beamed and planted a kiss on his cheek as a first reward. The next would be when he returned with the dangerous creature, and since he could already guess what it was - something he never refused - he hurried to go and retrieve it, but not before taking one final swipe at his repairman. 

"Ya big baby! I'll go get the death snake!" he snapped, wanting Schwoz to feel like a coward since he couldn't handle one itty-bitty snake. But in reality, it was difficult to hide how he virtually skipped out of the room, footsteps lighter from knowing how he was completing a task not given to him by Schwoz, that smug bastard, but by his fiancée. 

The sweetest girl in the world and the real boss of the Man Cave because what she said went. 

~

"And the home of the...Cave," the group sang together formally, hands placed over their hearts in a respectful gesture appropriate when harmonising the Man Cave's anthem. The teens had barely ever heard it, Schwoz and (y/n) barely knew the lyrics, and it all seemed a bit too extra for a dull Saturday afternoon. But Ray insisted, deeming the occasion solemn enough for them to gather around poignantly - he even wiped a tear from his eye. 

"So, why'd we just sing the Man Cave National Manthem?" Jasper asked, causing (y/n)'s face to twitch ever so slightly when she heard the wordplay. God, she hated when her doofus did that; not everything needed to have "man" attached to everything. 

"Because this is the opening to The Ray Games," Ray announced proudly, spreading his arms wide as his darling girl glanced up at him from his side with a bemused eyebrow raised from the lame name, "A series of physical and mental challenges. And the winner of the Ray Games...gets the massage chair."

"Yes!"

"I got this!"

"I'm nervous, but that chair will heal me!" the teens cried in anticipation. Challenges were their kind of thing; Charlotte was clever, Henry was fit, and Jasper was daring, so together, there stood a chance for some hefty competition. However, they hadn't heard the challenges yet and (y/n) guessed they wouldn't like them. 

"Great! Round one--put the hat on the death snake!" the hero announced, and suddenly, the trio weren't so chirpy as Schwoz pulled a silky cloth from a glass box. Inside the box was a slimy, hissing snake with patterned scales and a forked tongue, behind which laid fangs that could kill a man, woman or child with one bite. And he wanted them to put a tiny hat on it? Was he insane?

"What?!"

"No way!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. That's crazy!" Henry exclaimed and looked at his boss as his friends freaked out--and rightly so. They weren't ready to die yet, and certainly not by such a crap death. 

"Yeah, nobody's putting a hat on a death snake! Tell him, (y/n/n)!" Charlotte argued, too, turning to the woman who'd gone slightly pale at the serpent's appearance and subsequently clutched at her lover's arm. She was never good with snakes and, agreeing with the girl, went to tell Ray that they could prove their devotion some other way before someone got hurt, but oh no. 

The hero adored his sweet girl, but that trick wouldn't work again.

"Doo--"

"Hmmm, guess you guys don't want that chair, huh?" Ray smiled sourly at the two as his arm curled around (y/n)'s waist and brought her close to his chest - so close that her face smushed between his pecs, silencing any protest on her lips. Her breath warmed the cotton of his shirt as Henry and Charlotte began to tell him that he was insane, crazy, nuts for thinking they wanted death, and despite how good his cologne smelt, (y/n) was inclined to agree with them. 

"No, doofus, I think they think you're crazy for thinking they want certain death," she said, voice muffled from talking into his chest, but they still heard her. And, of course, had the kids said that, the hero would've flipped his lid, but since it was his precious girl, he took it as flirtatious banter. 

"Oh, I'm crazy, sweet girl? Did you say I'm crazy? Well, then..." Ray smirked coyly, making her eyebrows furrow at what he could be planning since his words suggested mischief, but his slow movements said otherwise. However, his true intentions were exposed rapidly when his hands flew forward to her ribs and began tickling up at down, causing the woman to shriek and wriggle against his touch. 

Henry and Charlotte shared a knowing smirk as they watched their stern "boss boss" become childlike and cheerful, and (y/n) bend over to try and save herself. It was no good, though; Ray's fingers were clumsy but precise, finding her most sensitive spots with knowledge etched onto his brain since he brushed against them during their first movie night. 

"Nooo, Ray! Please, please, stop! Oh, god, it tickles!--" she screeched, although that was the whole point. He loved her reaction, thinking the way she screwed up her nose was nothing short of adorable, and he pressed his fingertips further, planting kisses against her sensitive neck to heighten the feeling that her every nerve was electric. It burned so good - it was a shame for it all to be over all too quickly.  

"Done!" Jasper suddenly declared, causing the couple to stop and look over at him with Henry and Charlotte. And good god, he made for a horrible sight. His breathing was ragged, clothes ruffled, and a serious yet determined expression haunted his features for a good reason; up his arms were dozens of red bitemarks, so fresh that the teeth marks were still evident, but despite how woozy the venomous bites made him feel, he was surprisingly chirpy. 

"That snake did not want to wear a hat," he slurred and pointed to the creature, which now wore a jaunty black trilby with red pom-poms. It was a victory, but at what cost?

"Ugh, I'll go get the anti-venom," (y/n) groaned, shuffling her way to her supersized medikit, which held all the essential but not everyday medical supplies. Whilst she seemed annoyed - and that was reasonable given that all of this was avoidable had Ray listened - no part of her wanted Jasper to die, so as he swayed on his feet, she rushed to get the medicine before he keeled over. 

"Round one goes to Jasper!" And in the meantime, Ray proclaimed him the winner by grabbing his sore arm and raising it above his head like a victorious boxer in the ring. The news was devastating for Henry and Charlotte, who threw back their heads to groan and howl curses at the sky as they found their cowardly selves one point behind the now-collapsed Jasper. 

They'd scored even. They'd get that point back. They'd get to sit in that chair as was their right. Just as soon as (y/n) came back to get Jasper back on his feet because a dead competitor would be a real downer for the first-ever Ray Games. 

~

The next challenge would bring new opportunities, determination and dangers. As Ray explained to his beloved fiancée when she questioned why the couch was so important, whoever held on the longest whilst being spun and whisked to hell was the winner. And that definitely didn't sound scary to (y/n) at all - not after she managed to get Jasper back on his feet. 

Her first aid kit would be at her side as she was at her doofus' at all times. 

"Last one on the couch wins this round!" Ray shouted to the teens as they each sat on the back of the couch whilst it continuously rotated like some medieval torture device. To some, it might have looked similar to a fun, childish playground ride - the sort found in an amusement park since they were enjoying a lot more than they thought they would. But, little did they know, it was about to get a lot worse. 

"I'm good!"

"Not even dizzy!"

"Let me know when it's gonna get tough," they retorted, smug smirks painted on their faces because the gentle spin felt fine. They would be Jasper's famous last words; however, as (y/n) and Schwoz knew, the man standing next to them didn't like to make things easy. 

"Make it tough," he murmured to Schwoz, who held the remote for the couch's controls as the Man Cave's head technician. They wouldn't be so cocky when he increased the speed tenfold. 

Smirking, the genius did as he was told, cranking forward a lever and pressing a red button, which had an instant effect. Immediately, the teens felt the couch lurch, and they had to grip the cushioned back to ensure they didn't fly off as they gained momentum. Holding on was excruciating for their small arm muscles, and (y/n) threw her doofus a scolding look for being so reckless, especially when the three bodies began to blur and scream. 

"Raymond..." she growled at him lowly, giving him a stern eye that had him biting his lip sheepishly when Charlotte was the first to go. Her fingers couldn't hold on, and as they slipped from the leather, the couch flung her across the room, so it was good that the heroine had thought to lay some pillows out. 

The landing was soft, but Jasper still found it hilarious, meaning he cackled and pointed when he saw his friend disappear, but letting go of the couch to point was a bad idea. He went backwards, too, landing in a rough-and-tumble pile near the supercomputer, so Henry was the only one left to endure the pain. According to Ray's rules, he was the winner, but to his confusion and horror, the spinning didn't stop. 

"You gonna turn it off?" Schwoz yelled to his boss over the noise as they observed the little experiment. (y/n) looked up at her lover as she clung to his arm, expecting him to call for the end since the round was technically over, but to their shock, too, his smouldering face didn't move an inch. 

"I'm thinking about it..." he said slowly, enjoying the power rush he got from leading The Ray Games and the sight of Henry in so much discomfort, too much to let it go. He wanted to savour the view, maybe snap a few pictures and giggle a bit more, but the boy was desperate. 

"I win! I win! Turn it off! Turn it off!--" Henry begged in vain, his knuckles turning white from how they gripped the couch with all his might, but it wasn't enough in the end. Like the others, the momentum grew too substantial, catapulting him to the teenage pillow pile across the floor. 

"Okay, now I'll turn it off!" Ray grinned, giggling with Schwoz at how hilarious it was to see the kids comically sailing through the air. They looked at the groaning mountain behind the sofa, which slowly returned to a stationary position after (y/n) pulled the lever again with an unimpressed eye roll. Anti-venom, she could do. Cuts and bruises, she could do. Multiple broken bones and fractures, however - not a chance.

"How many more have you got planned?" she asked him, a tired edge to her voice at the thought of possible injuries. As thrilling as human biology was, it wasn't how she'd planned to spend her afternoon; instead, she'd scheduled a nap, which was now shelved for whatever scheme was next. 

And, sadly, horribly, excruciatingly, the end wasn't in sight.

"Oh, believe me, sweetheart. I'm full of surprises," Ray replied, turning his head to kiss her nose, so it crumpled cutely. He loved that about her and how she blushed and failed to hide her smile with annoyance. 

And she loved how he surprised her more and more with each passing day as they fell further and further in love. She only hoped this surprise didn't involve hosing down the walls or calling loved ones.

~

The next challenge was...odd. And that was putting it mildly.

Whoever tossed the huge and heavy beanbag the furthest was the winner. It seemed so simple and not weird, so Henry and Charlotte were up for it...until Jasper stepped out in his Ray Games outfit. Inch after inch of skin-tight, silky smooth lycra stretched over his body in the form of a red, star-spangled leotard, which hugged his body so closely it showed everything. Absolutely everything.

Upon stepping out to show everyone, Ray's hand clamped over his sweet girl's eyes to shield her from the unholy sight of Jasper's every curve and contour--all of them. It wasn't fit for a lady, and certainly not one so sweet and adoring of the boy, but no one else was so lucky. They had to see Jasper in all his tomato-ish glory.

He said it aided concentration and athleticism, which no one believed as the other teens took their turns to moderate success. Surprisingly, despite his heroic training and workouts, Charlotte managed to lob the bag further than Henry. He said it was born from the pure grit and determination to score herself a point and even the odds, but everyone knew he was just salty to be beaten by a girl. 

Lastly, it was Jasper's go, complete in his god-awful outfit, which (y/n) had seen enough of when Ray mistakenly removed his hand from her view. Time for the suit to prove its worth.

He spun once. He circled twice, and after gaining some force in his throw, Jasper let go of the bean bag, sending it hurtling across the Man Cave toward Schwoz, the official adjudicator of this round. The man fell over like a skittle hit by a bowling ball, utterly stunned by the bag, which felt like a brick wall as it hit him, but there was one exciting thing. 

No one else had thrown it that far.

"Winner!" Schwoz declared and held up a flag that depicted the victorious boy's face on the material. Henry and Charlotte couldn't believe it and hung their heads as they groaned in defeat; how had he, in that stupid leotard, managed to do that? How did he beat them?

"Points to Jasper!" Ray declared, beaming a fair and pleasant smile across the room and tightened his hold around (y/n)'s waist when the boy growled in triumph and flexed his arms. His muscles were by no means on par with Captain Man's, but they were still substantial, which didn't seem right on her beloved Curly. He used to be so soft, squishy and innocent - why did they all have to grow up?

"My singlet gives me strength," he snarled with his teeth bared and his hands on his hips, which showed off more than his friends wanted to see. Again, not something for the ladies in the room to see, nor the men, to be honest.

"Your singlet gives me the creeps."

"Yeah, no offence, Curly, but I feel highly uncomfortable seeing you...all of you..." (y/n) agreed with Charlotte as the girl sat on the couch's back with Henry, her chin perched on her palm. The woman refused to look in the boy's direction, and if she had to, always kept her eyes angled upwards as she was terrified of seeing something scarring. 

So, to spare her rose-tinted view of his purity, Ray cupped her cheek and turned her gaze towards him. Wondering what he wanted, she stared at him with wide, curious eyes, only to take in his soft expression before he tilted her lips to meet his. 

A welcome distraction, one that pushed Jasper's singlet into the corner of her mind where it could be locked away forever and replaced by something much more agreeable. She repulsed the idea of Jasper's humps, lumps and bumps, but she'd never minded Ray's. 

They were a winner every time in her eyes.

~

Next round, and this time, things got fancy. 

Ray took his games very seriously and decided that, for this challenge, he'd replicate that nationally loved game show he and his sweet girl put on for background noise when eating Chinese and making out.

Henry, Jasper, thankfully clothed this time, and Charlotte acted as contestants with their podiums as he, (y/n), and Schwoz played the lovable hosts. Never one to skimp on showing off, the hero ordered his handyman to put on his flashiest suit, which was bright and tacky in Schwoz's wardrobe - a vivid pink, flowery suit jacket which showed off his gold jewellery. Nice.

Ray donned his full-blown tux and strolled around the Man Cave like a model from a perfume ad. He looked good, he knew that and smirked like the cat who got the cream when the others complemented his style, but nothing stroked his ego like the sound of Charlotte telling his sweet girl to pick up her tongue from the floor and focus.

Dear god, his sweet girl. His sweet, pretty, darling, insanely hot girl. She was his glamourous assistant, dressed to impress like any game show girl in her silken, cowl-neck dress and heels that perfectly smoothed over her ass and hips, making him want to run his hands over them. Her earrings and necklace were austere and delicate enough to compliment her pinned-up hair, engagement ring and décolletage.

Quite simply, she looked exquisite, and he soon heard Henry and Jasper's jeers telling him to pick his jaw up from the floor and return to being their dashing host.

"Over to you, Jasper," Ray spoke into his absurdly long and thin microphone after turning from a giant, illuminated board of letters to the boy. Everyone knew he was staring at (y/n) instead of the fragmented phrase they had to guess, but they didn't mention it. The massage chair was the thing to remember. 

"Is there a three?" the dimwitted kid queried, trying to chip away at the answer until it resembled an easy-to-guess, idiomatic phrase. The only problem was that he was unbelievably bad when it came to academic riddle solving and giving guesses, unlike Charlotte, who stood next to him with what could only be the correct answer raring to go.

"It's--it's a phrase, Jasper. Just words, no numbers,"  (y/n) reminded him, a frown etched onto her face since his question was so poor and bizarre. Did they need to explain the rules again?

"Oh, right-right-right-right!" the boy quickly nodded, his brain back up to speed again, so he figured it was time for another go. But, this time, he'd take a perilous plunge, "I'd like to solve it."

"Not your turn anymore," Ray told him frankly since he had his chance and given a three--that was his query over. However, the boy was determined, just as Ray was stubborn.

"I'd still like to solve it."

"Over to you, Henry," the hero ignored him and turned to his youngest sidekick, who was a middle-of-the-range kid; not a brainiac like Charlotte, but not a numskull like Jasper, who wilted at the idea of waiting for another session before he could make a stab in the dark.

"Is there an S?" the blond kid asked, chiselling away at the phrase even more, and victoriously smiled when several blocks illuminated blue and (y/n) and Schwoz dashed out to highlight them. Four S's, to be precise, made things a whole lot easier for Henry. Or so he thought...

"There is an S!"

"Okay, I'd like to solve the puzzle," he announced, drawing some surprised glances from his friends, who weren't expecting him to be so bold. 

"Go ahead," Ray nodded and pointed his stick microphone at him as Henry narrowed his gaze on the board. The stage was set, and there could be no other answer in his head, so he spoke confidently and clearly.

"The phrase is Blessing In Disguise," he stated, thinking his response was foolproof since that was the correct idiom. However, he was horrified when the dull hum of the incorrect buzzer sounded, proving that he was so close and yet far, and for an idiotic reason.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"What?!" he gasped as Ray gave him one of that sympathetic yet annoyingly smug gameshow host faces for his depressing defeat. It was so rehearsed and disingenuous that it made his blood boil; the slight wince on (y/n)'s face felt so much more natural, possibly because her doofus had whispered the genuine answer in her ear two minutes before biting at her earlobe for looking too beautiful. Henry would flip when someone else solved it - Ray was an absolute doofus.

"You're wrong."

"What do you mean? What else could it possibly be?!" he asked furiously, stumped since he couldn't think of anything else, but he didn't know Ray's mind. Honestly, no one did. (y/n) was the best at it and could make a pretty good guess, but even she wasn't one hundred per cent sure. 

Charlotte, though, was not such an expert, nor did she claim to be. However, she could make an educated guess, and by her calculations, the three things swimming around his dusty old noddle were how amazing he thought he was, many memories of his sweet girl laughing, smiling, kissing, dancing, sleeping and loving him, and standard information which was easy for others, but impossible for him to figure out.

"I'd like to solve the puzzle," she said softly and raised her hand as it became her turn.

"Go ahead, Charlotte."

"Ray thinks the phrase is Blessing In Da' Skies!" she revealed, causing Henry to scoff at how arrogantly clever she was and how amazingly moronic his boss was. Ray exclaimed her intelligence and pointed at the board as all of the letters appeared for the wrong phrase, which caused (y/n)'s need for perfection and accuracy to weep, but her lover was cutely dumb, so she let it slide--unlike Henry.

"Th-that's not even a phrase, dude! That's not the phrase," he argued, making Ray frown since that's what he'd always known it as. Hell, he'd whispered it to his gorgeous girl, and she'd laughed and nodded, said he was the most adorable man she'd ever met before pulling him in for a kiss. If that were the result that answer got him, then he'd say it every time.

"Yes, it is!"

"And why is there an exclamation point at the end?!" Jasper asked indignantly, also miffed at how they'd been duped. It wasn't like he'd ever stood a chance at winning compared to Charlotte, but his prospects had been reduced to well below zero with the wacky punctuation.

"Because that's how you say the phrase? Like, look at those clouds! They're a blessing in da' skies! Right, sweet girl?" Ray proposed, trying to make them see his thoughts, so he brought in the cleverest person he knew - his beloved fiancée - to convince them. Slight problem, though; she was ever so slightly biased and not precisely a fair judge.

"Aw, if you say so, doofus," she cooed, heart melted from the unique and magical way he saw the world. He wasn't weird to her--he was brilliant, so worthy of the kiss they shared as she tottered into his arms with an enamoured grin. 

"You are so dumb! And you've tricked (y/n) into thinking you're smart!"

"So wrong! How did you get a girl like her?!" the boys cried moodily, bitter from losing and how their boss had stopped listening to their complaints. He focused solely on his precious girl, who giggled and whispered silly, little words of love into his ear as her fingers tweaked his bowtie and straightened it. 

Henry and Jasper were right about one thing; Ray Manchester was the complete opposite of (y/n) (y/l/n), slow to understand, even slower to remember, and yet she thought he was a god amongst men. 

But there was one thing they didn't see; somehow, that moron had made the girl of his dreams fall in love with him. He, of all people, was chosen out of all the losers hoping to take her out, and he, the mortal before the goddess, made her want to marry him.

He had to be pretty damn smart to pull that off. 

~

The afternoon dragged by, yet there was still no end in sight. Round, after round, with a small break after the mini gameshow for Ray (y/n) and Schwoz to change out of their costumes. Well, it started as a wardrobe change but became longer when the happy couple got distracted by Ray's undoing of (y/n)'s dress zipper for her. 

No one dared interrupt. They feared what they might see, thinking it was best for them to reappear themselves. And they did, happier than before and suspiciously redfaced, but again, the kids and Schwoz stayed silent. Loose lips, lower zips.

Anyway, Henry, Jasper and Charlotte kept their eyes on the prize, and no matter what Ray told them to do, they did it. Whether it be crazy, dangerous, or a little bit of both, they racked up points like (y/n) racked up loyalty rewards at her favourite cafe for hazelnut latte purchases, and they didn't tire, even if it was slowly becoming dull.

The next test was a simple eating challenge, a snack break depending on how they looked at it, and that was fine. Although, being able to use their hands for the floating doughnuts would've been nice.

"First one to finish their dangling doughnuts wins this round!" Ray told the kids, who licked their lips at the thought of munching the sugar-coated treats in front of them. That didn't sound like much of a challenge, more like lunch. 

"How hard can that be?" Henry asked, snickering at his boss for doubting his skills, which made Ray and (y/n) share an amused look. Oh, what he didn't know...

"Harder than you think," the woman told the cocky boy, who shrugged off her warning with a scoff. Any idiot could eat doughnuts, even if they had their hands bound, so he concentrated on the snacks in front of him and waited for Ray's mark.

"And...go nuts on those doughnuts!" the hero announced, and they were off. Schwoz encouraged their eating by singing an annoying and strange song, but the kids ignored him before he broke their concentration. 

It turns out that (y/n) was right; no matter how they wiggled their tongues or how wide they opened their jaws, Henry and Charlotte couldn't get a firm bite of the doughnuts, not even one. All they did was smear powered sugar across their lips, but surprisingly, Jasper was rather good last it.

"Done!" he panted just as Schwoz finished the first line of his chant, causing everyone to pause and look at him in wonder. Sugar dusted his entire face, from his mouth to his eyebrows, and the extreme effort made his chest heave, but the doughnuts were gone. How he wolfed them down was a mystery, but the rules were the rules, no matter how shocking the result was.

"Jasper wins again!" Ray announced, an element of amazement in his voice as he'd always seen the kid as a bit of an idiot, but he'd done well to pass so many challenges. How badly did he want that chair?

"What?! I really want that chair!"

"Are you kidding me?!" Henry and Charlotte exclaimed angrily, feeling cheated and betrayed by their friend, who undoubtedly had indigestion after such a big meal. It served him right...freak.

"Oh, yeah? Do you really want that chair?" Ray mysteriously asked them, his finger trailing up and down (y/n)'s arm as if he wasn't interested in their longing. His sweet girl squirmed under his touch, giggling as he acted like an idiot, but for the three teens, there was no room for joking. 

"I think that has been established," Jasper growled, his voice animalistic and deep after succumbing to his instincts to screw everything and everyone to get what he wanted. The doughnuts were the first to be shredded; next would be whoever or whatever stood in his way - no matter the challenge. 

"You want it enough to die for it?" the man pressed, squatting next to the feral boy as he longed for relaxation and triumph. It's true; Jasper did want that chair, but dying for it was a bit extreme, even for him.

"Uh, no."

"Yeah, me neither."

"Want it, not that much." And his friends were quick to agree with him as (y/n), and Schwoz squatted too, confused frowns on their faces. Nothing like that was worth dying over, so when Ray looked to his pretty girl for help, a quick smile and a warm hand between his shoulder blades told him to keep going, but in a different direction.

"Well, are you willing to stand in one place for a long time for it?!" he proposed, which sounded much more acceptable, so they readily agreed. Whatever he had in store for them, Henry, Jasper and Charlotte knew they could do it for the Royal Relaxer, even if they'd been jumping through hoops like flying monkeys all afternoon. 

Still, standing in one place didn't sound bad. How hard could it be?

~

Quite bad. Balancing was the key. Ray's next challenge was simple, yet again, but also dull. Really dull. Schwoz had kindly set up three wooden logs in the room, tall enough for some height and thin enough to make standing on it tricky.

Yes, they were standing on them. That was the challenge - to see who could stay on their log for the longest and not fall off and break their leg. And that was fine. No issues. Charlotte had it on lock, hands in her pockets and everything as she found a perfect position with her centre of gravity aligned with the wooden pole, and a few seconds later, Henry and Jasper figured it out too.

The only thing left to prove was who would crack first.

"Still think this is better than dying?" Ray asked them huskily, his arms folded to try and appear menacing, but how scary could a man look when he had a sleepy girl resting her weary head against his bicep? 

"I do."

"Yeah, me too."

"This pole feels good under my feet," they replied smoothly, causing him to pause. Henry was on one leg, for god's sake, and yet he didn't break a sweat at all, meaning Ray's plan to make them subtly was wholly backfiring.

"Huh...okay," he hummed, eyebrows twitching at how they remained perfectly in balance and made his "difficult" task look like child's play, 

"Well, while we are waiting for two of you to fall, let's listen to some more of How To Be A Boss Boss," he smirked when the kids groaned at the thought, but he didn't care for two excellent reasons. One, his sweet girl was still exhausted from her poor sleep schedule, and now he'd realised that he swore that he'd let her rest for as long as possible - no funny business - so he guided her over to the couch where she could cuddle without standing. 

And two, Henry, Charlotte and Jasper wouldn't be able to wait to get off those poles once the audio started - that's how bad it was.

"Come on, sweet girl.."

"I'msosleepy..."

"I know, come on," he whispered as he slid into the gap between the couch and table, leaving a wide space for her to sit next to him. (y/n)'s word slurred into a murmured mess as his side opened up, and his arm brought her into his warmth, deepening the growing need to nap, which made Ray smile gently at how precious and tiny she looked. 

The boss boss was smitten, but nobody could blame him. She was pretty cute. 

"Chapter Two! Why you should never let your employees use the bathroom," an annoying male voice enunciated from the man's phone as (y/n) huffed and rubbed her face into his shirt. The audiobook was a load of shit, and she had numerous reasons, mainly legal ones, as to why that was a bad idea, but Ray didn't want to be a bad boss - he just wanted to tempt his employees into quitting.

"Smart..." he muttered, which earned him a slap on the shoulder, given that it was so not bright, more like utterly ridiculous.

"Yeah, we're not doing that. Doofus, how much of this crap do we have to listen to?" she asked quietly, words evaporating into his shirt, but they were still audible. She'd never be able to fall asleep knowing that he was filling his head with such nonsense, but even after hearing her concerns, Ray smiled and kissed the top of her silly, little, worrying head.

"Shhhh, don't worry about it, darlin'. You just shut your eyes and rest while I listen to this," he told her, stroking her hair soothingly as if it would lull her to sleep. And, in a way, it helped. 

Feeling her doofus wrapped around her, whispering calming, loving words into her ear over the dumb man from the book made sleep close in quicker, the overwhelming exhaustion sweeping over her like a blanket, but she still worried. Of course, she did--it's what (y/n) did. Oh well, at least she knew he'd be there when she woke up again, and should he do anything stupid, she'd be there to sort it out.

~Half an hour later~

The chapter was tedious. Annoyingly so. So annoying that Henry, Jasper and Charlotte were at the stage of plotting Ray's death because he was the one subjecting them to the audiobook torture. 

The first ten chapters were terrible enough. A load of bullshit that only an idiot would believe, but he lapped it up, even to the point where he felt the need to up sticks and plonk himself and (y/n) at the supercomputer so "she could be more comfortable". How she didn't wake up during the process was a mystery, but they figured she was just that tired. 

So, he sprawled out and reclined in the computer's chair with his feet on the console, strained under two people's weight since Ray insisted that his sweet girl remains with him. It didn't look comfortable straddling his lap with her arms limply hung around his neck and her feet touching the ground, but hey, what did the kids know? 

Merely that, by chapter twenty-six (and counting), death was a luxury afforded to so few. 

"Chapter twenty-seven, how to take other people's ideas and claim them as your own," the author narrated as one part finished and another began, but even for Ray, the cycle was getting boring. Schwoz had his head in his hands as he sat on the couch, and the teens ignored how tired and crampy their legs felt after standing on the wood for so long since the competition was the only thing that mattered. 

They'd never tell Ray that they planned to make him wait. After all, patience wasn't his strongest suit unless it was for something significant - like a wedding - so they let him suffer because that's where they could scrape out some fun.

"Ughhhhhh! This contest is taking forever!" he groaned and clicked off the podcast before it gave him a migraine. Now, he'd never complain about his girl napping in his lap, but after thirty minutes, he needed to adjust his position, so carefully sat upright so as not to push her on the floor, causing (y/n) to mumble dozily before settling down again. Good, he didn't want to ruin her beauty sleep, even if he craved entertainment in the form of her lips on his. 

"How can we speed this up?" he quizzed Schwoz softly, mindful of the pretty woman pressing her nose against his neck, and he secured her against his chest even as he hunched over a tad. The sooner they wrapped this up, the sooner he could get her to bed, but when would that be?

"We could throw stuff at them," the genius suggested, much to the horror of the three on poles. They gasped at the idea of being mocked and taunted like sideshow animals and glared at Schwoz for even thinking of such an idea. Therefore, it was nice that Ray swiftly shot it down.

"What?!"

"No!"

"That's a terrible idea," Ray said with his head bowed, meaning he could press a kiss to (y/n)'s temple, rousing her just a little bit from her slumber. 

"Thank you!" Jasper said firmly, glad that his boss was being sensible for once. However, Ray had also listened to a book for once, which was dangerous in itself.

"But..." he pondered, a brilliant thought popping into his mind and taking root so he couldn't ignore it. The urge was so strong that he stood up gently, and no sooner than he took her weight, he deposited (y/n) on the chair so he was free to wander. And obviously, that made her heavy eyelids crack open to find out what the hell was going on and why her doofus' lap suddenly felt so flat and hard.

"Since when did I get over here?" she muttered, looking around the room with a comically puzzled expression and an even funnier appearance, given her tousled hair and half-shut eyes. But Ray's train of thought was already full steam ahead, overtaking anything in its path because that's what boss bosses do.

"Your bad idea did just give me a great idea--what if we throw stuff at them?" he proposed with a smirk, and the complete rip-off made Schwoz do a double-take.

"I just said, what if we--"

"My idea! We're doing it!" The poor guy tried to stick up for himself, but after listening to nothing but the audiobook and his girl's shallow, regular breathing, Ray needed stimulation. And besides, the book said it was okay to steal ideas because he was in charge, so everything was fine.  

"What have I missed?" (y/n) asked, her head tilting in confusion at her lover's words. She was never at her best when tired; things didn't process in that neat and efficient brain as they usually did, her ability to multiply up to her sixteen times tables diminished, and the gravity of Ray's dumb actions didn't weigh her down until it was too late.

"Dude, you can't just throw stuff at us," Henry stated, quickly bringing her up to speed, and suddenly, Ray felt as though everyone in the room expected him to excuse his actions.

"Yeah, that's not fair," Jasper added, but Ray wasn't listening. Just because they expected something from him didn't mean he had to provide evidence or something. The Man Cave was not a courtroom, but if it were, he'd be the judge, not the other way around.

"One bowl of the finest throwin' foods, please."

"One bowl of the throwin' foods." Oh, no, he didn't. The group watched in annoyance and terror as their leader smacked his palm against the auto-snacker's screen to request some ammo, and Henry, Jasper, and Char didn't fancy being pelted with all the icky, mushy, out-of-date food that no one wanted to eat. 

"Noooo!" the girl howled as she threw her head back, watching as Ray took the bowl from the snacker to begin what would be awful for them but so much fun for him.

"Let's get this done!" he cheered, taking a banana and lobbing it at Charlotte, who couldn't do much more than duck and pray her flailing arms didn't knock her off balance. Instantly, the teens shouted for him to stop and cursed Schwoz when he joined in too, which only left (y/n) as help.

"(y/n)!"

"HELP US!" they screamed, wobbling all over the place as oranges, lemons, bananas, apples, and more hurtled past their heads and occasionally battered their torsos. Each time, they risked falling off, either from moving too much or from the pain of taking an apple to the ribcage, and (y/n) was concerned, of course. But, also, she was so damn tired.

"Ray..mond. That's so very naughty of you..." she muttered, using all of her strength to pick up her head, shuffling her feet, despite them feeling like two lumps and lead, and moving over to Ray.

However, when she got there, all she could muster was a limp smack to his bicep, and even then, she only managed to clip a millimetre of his skin since he moved out of the way to throw more fruit. In short, she really put him in his place, and Ray definitely learned his lesson.

"Yeah, yeah, sweet girl, punish me later!" he rambled quickly, saying anything to relax and go back to sleep. That way, he could go back to having fun without feeling guilty, but if anything, (y/n) wasn't focused on telling him off anymore, more like fanning her hot cheeks at such a thought.

"Oh, come on! Stay strong, (y/n), just because he's your--" Jasper argued, seeing how the woman, drowning in her tiredness and confusion, short-circuited at such a notion and blushed like a schoolgirl - or worse, the old (y/n), who swore she'd never thought about how cute her best friend's butt was.

But, try as he might, the boy's mission to snap her out of it failed when Ray landed an orange on his nose. Jasper threw his head back as pain bloomed across his face, and the momentum meant he painfully fell backwards onto the floor, ruling him out for the round. Damn, and he was doing so well.

"You're out, dude!" Henry noted as he watched Ray and Schwoz share a high-five whilst (y/n) did her best to glare at them, even if she did look slightly odd telling off a giant twice her size. But it was a mistake taking his eyes off them for a second because when he did, to gloat at Jasper for falling, Schwoz took his chance and launched more fruit, hitting him in the crotch. And that was the end of Henry's success.

So, to her delight and as Henry writhed in agony from the blow and fall, Charlotte realised she was the last one standing, meaning she was the victor. She'd not won many rounds, so it was nice to claw back a point, but even nicer to catch a banana thrown by the handyman and return it to sender. 

"Ayeee!" Schwoz groaned as the yellow fruit hit him on his smooth forehead, causing him to keel over, much to (y/n)'s amusement. He'd deserved that.

"Nicely done, Char," she smiled, glad to see the girl win and give the small man a taste of his own medicine, even through blurred vision. Another challenge finished--thank god--all that mattered now was to see what they had to do next.

"So, did I win?" the girl asked her boss excitedly, eager to know if that last point was the deciding one. Honestly, they'd done so many rounds no one knew who was in the lead anymore since everyone had won their fair share. 

"You won that round," Ray nodded, quickly shooting down her wide grin. Why did he have to keep them in suspense after making them work for so long? Couldn't he tell them?

"But who's in the overall lead?" Jasper asked, desperate to know the answer.

"Good question... doofus, please show us the leaderboard before I fall asleep again," (y/n) requested through a yawn, fearing she'd properly drop off and never get to see the crowned winner. Her wish was Ray's command, and he pressed a button on his controller to bring up the scores on a screen as his arm wrapped around her shoulders. 

The results were depressing - at least they were to Charlotte and Henry.

"Boom! That chair is about to have this guy's butt groove in it!" Jasper exclaimed joyfully when he saw the screen. He sat on a pretty five hundred and seventy-two points, miles ahead of Charlotte on one-seven-eight and Henry with his measly fifty-four. There was no way for his friends to close such a gaping crevasse of a lead, so he assumed he'd won, and they weren't happy about that.

"Whatever..." Henry and Charlotte scoffed, acting as though they'd never been interested in the Royal Relaxer. The jealousy was apparent, however, and (y/n) would've offered them her sympathies on being good but not quite good enough, but that's when Ray jumped in.

"Now, now...don't count your butt grooves before you've sat," he said weirdly, which didn't make sense to his family. Reading between the lines to understand his meaning, the boy and girl thought he was insane because how were they supposed to win when Jasper was four hundred points ahead?

"What? Dude, look at the board. The game is basically over."

"Oh, it would be..."

"Raymond..." (y/n) said lowly, sensing a mischievous lilt in her fiancé's voice, and whilst she loved his playful nature, now wasn't the time to make fun of the kids' bruised egos.

"If the final round wasn't worth ten million points!" And there it was—mischief beyond belief. The three gasped; henry and Charlotte out of shock-happiness at the thought of another chance, but Jasper out of shock-horror that he'd been cheated. It felt like a low, dirty, cheating lie that pulled the win out from underneath him.

"What?!"

"Yes!"

"But that's way too many points!" he argued in the name of fairness, but all it got him was a mean, judgemental glare from the boss.

"What's your problem?" Ray asked sharply, looking down his nose at the boy from over his shoulder. Could he not see that he was busy, basking in the attention of his sweet girl, who'd tugged at his sleeve to gain his?

"My problem is the previous rounds meant nothing!" Jasper snapped, sounding distraught as he thought about the turmoil and utter crap he'd been through for the contest, which was now all for nothing. 

"I got bit by a death snake! I wore very tight clothing to throw a bean bag!"

"Don't lie, Curly. We all know you liked that," (y/n) smirked, remembering how the boy loved flexing and walking around in the terrifyingly thin, breezy material. Everyone else hated it, but Jasper had never felt so free, something he couldn't deny.

"I did, but I'm still mad!"

"Just tell us about the final round," Henry said to Ray, ignoring his best friend's complaints since he was more bothered about having one last chance to earn a go in the massage chair than the injustice of it all. Maybe he'd let Jasper have a go after him, but first, it was all to play for.

"To win the final round, you'll have to use your brains..." Ray cryptically revealed as he perched his butt on the corner of the couch's back, (y/n) pulled into him so he could hold her - her back to his chest in a cuddly spoon.

"Yes!"

"No!" Charlotte and Jasper cried, the former thinking half the work was already done, whilst the latter assumed it was all over. Charlotte's superpower was his kryptonite, which left Henry in the middle; he wasn't dumb, but he wasn't insanely intelligent like his friend, so, like Jasper, he felt stuck too or entirely screwed.

"So, what do we have to do?" Charlotte questioned as the man finished whispering in his girl's ear, hurriedly detailing his plan to her, so she knew how devious it was. And judging by the huffed giggle from the scandalised woman, it was downright evil, enticing her further since (y/n) was an intellectual like her.

"You'll have to outsmart a monster," Ray told them, which made (y/n) bite back a smile. It was nasty to put it like that, especially when she was friends with the monster, but by the time the teens irritated her, the beast would be...monstrous.

"Pffft, monsters aren't real," Henry scoffed, not realising that he had a home advantage--specialist knowledge on how to smite the dragon waiting for them.

"He's talking about your sister," (y/n) deadpanned as she stood between Ray's legs and leaned against his chest, loving how they gasped at such an idea—outsmarting Piper. That wasn't just dangerous; that was suicidal - she could be lethal when disturbed.

"Piper?!"

"That's right. First person to get Henry's sister to give them her phone," that was a death wish, "take a selfie," she could kill someone for even looking at her baby, "and send it to (y/n)'s phone from her number wins the massage chair."

"Get in, take the selfie, get out. It's that simple. Oh, and don't die. Good luck!" the woman grinned at them as she showed them her phone, the only unbiased one in the Man Cave that had Piper's number since they texted about boys, cafe catch-ups and movie outings. And Ray loved having her involved - it gave him yet another excuse to keep her by his side - so he waved them off, enjoying the ensuing stampede as the game commenced.

Henry, Jasper and Charlotte scrambled for the tubes, much to the adults' amusement since there was only just enough room for three people to squeeze in, and two would have to share. The winner would have to think on their feet, be resourceful, witty, cunning, charismatic, and most importantly, fearless. 

(y/n)'s money was on Charlotte since she was clever, but Henry was a good each way bet, given the familial connection. However, Jasper had surprised everyone by getting so far on the other rounds, so she was left on the fence.

"This book is amazing, sweet girl. It's a shame you were so sleepy when I was listening to it," Ray murmured in her ear, drawing (y/n) out of her daydream on who would win and lose. It took a few seconds for her to realise that he was talking about the audiobook, and that's when she disagreed. Amazing isn't the word she'd use.

"Yeah...I can see that, handsome," (y/n) frowned as she watched the kids argue over who got to go up the tube first, each pushing, shoving and kicking to try and get in front. It didn't speak order and control from a boss in command to her, but as bad as it sounded, she didn't care. 

Part of her wanted to go and claim the massage chair for herself since it had caused absolute chaos in her home that afternoon, but no. She was a good boss and didn't want any more arguing, so like a tired mother, she asked for the one thing she desperately wanted and deserved after dealing with children all day.

"Hey, Ray?"

"Yeah, darlin'?"

"Can we please go to bed now?" And you know what? She ran the damn place, kept him sane, kept Schwoz from overworking himself, kept the kids happy and healthy, did the laundry, did the cleaning, did the shopkeeping, did repairs, and did wonders. So, it was the least Ray could do to give her his warmest smile and pick her up bridal style to give the boss the break she deserved.

~Forty minutes later~

(y/n) had missed sleep. She never missed it until she went without, but when she finally got a few moments to close her eyes, she remembered why it was so damn popular. And, not to brag, she was certain that whilst other people slept, she slept.

Her sleep was always in the biggest, comfiest bed on the market because her lover was a go-big-or-go-home man. Her sleep was always with the softest Egyptian cotton money could buy because she hated silk sheets, but her lover wanted her happy. Her sleep was always undisturbed because her lover would hunt down any asshole who dared to walk too loudly or play their music for the whole neighbourhood to hear. 

But the best part was her favourite. Her sleep came with the gentlest, cuddliest, doofiest bodypillow around. 

He took up half the bed; with a frame like that, it was inevitable, and whenever he slipped in as he did after tucking her between the sheets, it was like the vast space shrunk. 

He was a walking furnace; that's why she loved his shirts or the thinnest pyjamas for nightwear because his warmth seeped into her skin and lulled her into peaceful dreams. And, best of all, she could hear his heart jumping out in a constant rhythm when he let her snuggle into him. It meant he was there, alive, breathing, resting just like she was, and there was no other feeling like it.

Ding.

Fuck the contest. 

That was her first thought. Forty minutes past was too early to get up, mainly since she'd only managed to doze since getting into bed with Ray. He'd placed her so carefully as if the mattress underneath wouldn't break her fall, and as she dove into pure white softness, he peeled off his shirt for her benefit. Only so she could feel his skin on hers and put her ear above his heart with no barriers.

Ding.

I've raised them for four years. Can't they give me another five minutes?

Her second thought. Ray stirred, too, his hand wandering up her spine as he ignored the second notification. He wasn't asleep; she could tell from how he hadn't fully relaxed, and her chest clenched at the thought of him staying only for her. It couldn't be comfortable; yes, he'd removed his shirt, but he couldn't be bothered to take off his jeans, so they stayed on and undoubtedly felt hot and clingy under the thick comforter. 

However, he was at peace as he always was in their bedroom - the only place where it was only ever just him and his girl. No Captain Man. No Miss Danger. No Schwoz. No kids. No need to be the boss. No need to be strong. No need to always be okay because it was just them. And when they lived as heroes twenty-four-seven, it was a welcome relief.

He'd never tell her, but simple moments like this made up his mind. He'd slept with dozens of girls in his arms, and he wasn't proud of that, but he was proud for finally realising that only one was meant to be there. And she tangled her legs with his every night since she asked for him to keep her safe from the nightmares that haunted her in the night.

"We should answer that," (y/n) mumbled, saying it, thinking it, acknowledging it was the responsible thing to do, but not moving despite that.

"Comfy..." Ray muttered in reply and rubbed his cheek affectionately against her head as it lay on his chest. She sighed, thinking the same thing as the seconds rolled past and blurred into minutes, both happy to doze in oblivion.

(y/n) was at peace, too, as she always was in their bedroom - the only place where it was just her and her doofus. She remembered the night she woke drenched in sweat and near tears from the almost real feeling of a monster dragging her back into the past to do more damage. She'd never wanted to wake Ray up and drag him down, but her mind swore the shadows were alive and something was hiding in the wardrobe, so she bolted. And she'd felt safe every night since he told her he'd hold her until she fell asleep again, even if it took until the morning.

Ding.

"Fuck."

Regret filled her as she lethargically pulled away from Ray's embrace because a third text couldn't be ignored, no matter how content they felt or how loudly he groaned from losing her. (y/n) huffed and puffed as she stretched to the nightstand, feeling around in the dim light for her cell.

The light burned her eyes as she squinted at the screen with a confused face as the squiggles reshaped to form letters, which composed words and sentences that didn't make sense. Three texts from three different teens, and all of them said the same thing.

"Look at this," she told her fiancé and held the phone in front of his face with a sudden burst of energy from the unexpected outcome of the competition. Ray squinted and grimaced at the brightness as she'd done before his eyes widened in shock. He'd predicted many things, but that wasn't of them.

"Well, shit," he grumbled and took the device from her hand so he could read the texts more closely and she could snuggle back down. From the messages' tones, Henry, Jasper and Charlotte weren't happy, but when in their bedroom and the blissful state of grace, Ray wasn't the boss, so he didn't care. 

"Good for her," he muttered before tossing his sweet girl's phone onto his table, where it would remain as he laid down properly and pulled her closer until they were joined at the hip with the comforter pulled up to their torsos. He'd keep her warm and safe until morning if he had to, and she'd happily stay there as long as he wanted her - and that was always.

Schwoz would come calling for help cleaning up the splattered fruit and news on who won when he peeked into the bedroom and saw the lovers fast asleep, knocked out cold, blissfully unaware of everything around them; he figured he'd find out later. 

Piper won. She'd out-hunted the ones hunting her and was happy in the massage chair. Henry, Charlotte and Jasper were happy to pay for a turn in it, and Mr Hart was happy just to be present. 

But no one could be happier than those two, doing the most natural thing in the world in their home, underneath a rundown shop on an average, busy street in Swellview but falling further in love as they did.

[crosseyedcricketart]

the natchez trace in 2024

original website post here <3 originally posted on January 14 2024 at 9:00 a.m. 01-14-2024.

The Natchez Trace – Updated into 2024.

The Natchez Trace was recently updated, reopening last year in Alabama, with some new pavement and updated rest areas. I recently passed through there when traveling out of Alabama so I thought it would be nice to have an anecdote from me to you about the updates.

Before the repaving, we always used the Trace heading into north Alabama and stopped at the rest stop in Colbert, Alabama. (Now, if you’re familiar with Steven Colbert, you may think you pronounce it the same as his name. But no. It’s “cole-bert” with a hard “t”.). This rest stop has been updated a bit, with a stable accessibility bar in the wheelchair-accessible stall of the restroom. Here’s some little bullet-points about this particular stop-

Water fountain, bottle fountain, and dog fountain. (Winterized at the time of travel).

Wheelchair/large stall with mobility handle available.

Multi-stall bathroom.

Hand drier, no paper towels.

Natchez Trace map available.

Picnic tables available.

Trash cans and recycling bin available.

Bicycle rack.

At the time, the fountain water was probably shut off for the winter season as it was ranging between 20°-40° F while we were there. The bathrooms were clean— very clean for what they are— with hand soap. In the women’s restroom, there is one sink, a mirror, and a filled soap dispenser. They use foaming soap in this area. These are the same buildings as before, while the inside had a facelift. These buildings are insulated well so they don’t let in too much of the cold. When I went in, it was a comfortable temperature. Not steaming, but certainly not cold. It was 43° F at the time of my visit. They use low light so the majority of the light in the buildings is natural light from the windows.

There are also no stairs at this stop, with ramp dips in the pavement from the parking lot into the side walk, and a ramp up to the restrooms. There is a little stand with a pamphlet of a map of the Natchez Trace Parkway and it’s expanse through Tennessee, Alabama, and Mississippi. This was a very comfortable stop with dogs; our two dogs went with us on this trip and there was a comfortable amount of space between the road and the parking lot for the dogs to (leashed) walk around without me worrying about a freak accident happening. Speaking of dogs, this stop has a doggie water fountain. Or for a person who is a foot off the ground.

This stop, on Apple Maps, is “Colbert Ferry Visitor Center” with the address being:

Colbert Stand Trail Cherokee, Alabama 35616 United States

This stop is on the eastern side of Pickwick lake. This stop is where the Trail of Tears and Natchez Trace cross, the Trail of Tears following the Tennessee River and the Natchez Trace Parkway crossing over the river.

This leg of the trip was the trip back to Memphis, so we also passed through Walnut, Mississippi on Highway 72. Walnut is a small community with a Love’s Travel Stop. This particular Love’s has a Godfather’s Pizza Express in it. This location is very clean, well stocked, and has fresh food out. I am a very picky person with where I stop on trips and I tend to stop at truck/travel stops instead of normal gas stations. There is also a Jack’s beside the location. If you have never stopped at a Love’s, or a proper travel stop, they have fresh fruit, fresh coffee, warm food, and ample shelf-stable foods, along with some auto/truck care inside. Depending on the size of the stop, they have less and more of each. In my personal experience, Walnut’s location is one of the smaller travel stops.

Here’s the location of this Love’s off of Highway 72:

Travel Stop #799 600 Richardson Dr Walnut, Mississippi 38683 United States

For your own reference, if you’d like some more information, here’s a few resources relating to the Natchez Trace Parkway:

Natchez Trace Parkway via National Parks Service

Alabama Trail of Tears Locations via Muscle Shoals Heritage

Trail of Tears in Alabama via National Parks Service

That's all for today. I hope this was insightful and gave you an anecdote for this section of the Natchez Trace. Make sure to subscribe to get new blog posts in your inbox when I post. Have a beautiful day or night, wherever you are, and most of all, happy travels! - Annie, the crosseyed cricket.