#BECAUSE ITLL BE DIFFICULT TO MAKE IT RESPONSIVE

[pinayelf]

I'm gonna have to scrap any of the possible web layouts I have if I wanna make it responsive...

[kodyfae-the-1st]

A response, i guess

Alright so I saw this pretty shit post recently, and I cant help but say I'm a little pissed. I will not be sharing the name of the blog that posted this, as i do not wish for them to be harassed.

So here's my response.

An open letter to you who wrote this.

"Hating endos is lame, hate on us instead ! We’re a DID system that believes people shouldn’t have to have their own entry in the DSM5 to be respected , apparently a controversial opinion these days !"

So though i agree in part that hate is lame as all hell, i do believe that listening to science is more punk than throwing it out the window. Yes system diversity is important as a working point in the community, it is still important to listen to the science.

Though some may not fit the diagnostics 100% doesn't mean they aren't valid that is true, but even so, there have been no scientifically supported exception to one. trauma is a necessary part, and the mind cannot and will not fracture like this without it, that should be without dispute.

"Being unapologetically plural is punk, ESPECIALLY if you don’t fit the “scientific” idea of what a real system should be."

You are right that science is not all inclusive, but i will say being anti science seems pretty conservative for a self proclaimed punk. but asides from cheap digs like that, id really recommend reading a couple scholarly articles if you are ever in doubt of the science, there is a lot to learn, and a lot left to be learnt.

"Systems should support other systems regardless of where we come from. The world doesn’t understand us and they don’t want to have to understand us, if we want to have a future where we are proudly and loudly ourselves we have to work together to make it."

Yes systems should absolutely support each other, and i do feel we fight too much sometimes. And no. the world does not understand us, but that does not mean it is ok to spread misinformation. Im sure you do this with good intention, and i too do my part with good intention. but we are fundamentally opposed, and i do not wish to support endos in a journey for recognition.

Some may genuinely have it, i do believe that, and others may be suffering from something else, so similar it may be difficult to know the difference, but i do not believe that they can be systems without trauma.

"I have to fight to be accepted as gay, i have to fight to be accepted as polyamorous, I have to fight to be accepted as trans, I have to fight to be accepted as non human, I have to fight to be accepted as autistic, I have to fight to be accepted as plural."

A lot of us have fought those same battles, i at least have, and a lot of systems still fight for this, and i do not believe that it should be a thing everyone goes through. And we still fight to accept ourselves in this, But i do not support endos fight for recognition. But i will fight with all i have to get them the help they need, because a lot of them do desperately need help. and i think that the fight to give them a support system and help is much more punk than this fight to support misinformation.

"I do not want anyone to have to fight me to be accepted as who they are, I want to fight alongside them because we’re fighting the exact same battle and it’s hard enough without us stabbing each other in the backs."

There is absolutely too much backstabbing in these communities. And i am willing to fight here alone to get them help, im not saying here that they aren't systems, some may very well be and have forgotten the trauma, but i do not wish to stand beside them in a fight against science. Im sure we'll all know more in the future with more studies made, and maybe itll turn the view on systems upside down, but until then i stand with the science, and with those that want and need help.

I do though want to mention lastly that as per the dsm-5 trauma is not noted as a criteria for diagnosis, and thus i am open to read articles of exception to this rule if they can be provided from credible sources.

I will also ask that if ever i said something incorrect i hope youll tell me and ill do my best to make amends. Please do also feel free to share your opinion, id like to hear more perspectives, and learn the faults of my own.

Well wishes.

-Kody, and a very tired system

[ohtobearandomftblog]

fear/trauma headcanons because i want them to suffer

gray and juvia have violent flashbacks whenever they see collars like what invel used

gray is far more violent than juvia

gray is more likely to attack anyone who tries to help him viciously unless its juvia but then hed think she was like the ur that neinhart summoned and will be cautious to the point of weak attacks meant to keep her away

juvia will lash out wildly but eventually will curl into a ball (as a human or as water depends on if she could hear gray) and simply cry. rain is summoned

canonically gajeel views crucification as his worst memories. headcanonically he gets shaky and stuttery and he cant tell if its a panic attack or not but he doesnt really tell anyone bc he thinks he deserves it for what he did to levy jet and droy

natsu gets very anxious around any flame

when natsu was with igneel he would have a complete meltdown whenever he saw fire. made it very difficult to learn yknow fire dragon slaying magic.

after natsu got to fairy tail he was mostly fine with his own flames but like. macao. noooooooo. hell even the fireplace. noooooo no no nonononono

he never knew why until he got some memories unlocked during the alvarez shit. then he still had a fear of uncontrolled fire/his fire becoming uncontrollable

wendy will stay awake all night sometimes, trying to find/cast enchantments that will protect her mind and body from ever being taken over/altered ever again

erza used to get angry whenever she saw any chains. even the tiny ones for a necklace. she got angry to cover her fear of them. a pickaxe also gets her angry

levy will avoid going near long pieces of anything hard. shes scared shell trip and fall and impale herself on them. jet and droy used to be like that but after the 7 years they just became super careful around it

lucy is so close to making a deal with the celestial spirit king to allow gate keys of all kinds to be requip-ible. she doesnt care what the price is she just wants to make sure she will never lose her friends again. unless the price is losing a friend again in which case she might just murder the fucking king

after the last acnologia thing at least gray lucy and happy are afraid of literally Everything when someone's behind them. if the person laughs if they talk if they walk if they trip if they do nothing. they think theyre either being attacked or kidnapped or killed

laxus and erik (maybe sting and rogue too) are scared of lacrima

when the communication lacrima, the only one they ever bothered with, was big enough that youd have trouble carrying it with both hands, they were mostly okay. just had to have it across the room with no one else in the room

after the com lacrima became tiny phones they just. never use it. or if they are forced to then its as far from them as possible. they wont hold it. its great bc if the phone is close to their ear then its way too loud but its terrible bc they have to yell responses unless its another slayer

pantherlily will not go near laxus. if someones holding him and they go to walk past laxus he will get out of their hold and fly in a big circle around him before going back to the persons arms/shoulder/whatever. he knows logically that laxus wont summon thunder just bc lily got close but also big boom noise reminds him of far too many awful things from edolas

carla happy frosch and lector are also scared of thunder. all exceeds are. those four have just been on earth land long enough to know itll most likely be okay. happy has been near laxus enough to know hell just absorb it if it gets close to the guild

cana hates hospitals. even a medical area or something where the injured/sick rest. too many bad experiences there. too much death. it doesnt help that her fortune telling is itching to show how people will be affected by what ails them

all of the dragon slayers have a fear of abandonment. be it their first human families, the dragons (if applicable), the second families (again if applicable), the guilds, the exceeds (you get the gist), friends, whatever. they have been left too often to expect people to stay for any amount of time, but by the gods does it burn when anyone leaves even for a moment

mystogan and porlyusica feared an anima would drag them back to edolas every single fucking day.

now porlyusica fears it, even after they all reassured her mystogan took care of them all.

and mystogan fears that he didnt stop the animas, and hell suddenly have a lacrima of his family back on his doorstep

[arthur-lesters-balls]

i have! so much! i wanna! talk about!

i know i got to stop wasting my free time thinking and go back to listening. however, before i do that theres only one thought i really need to put somewhere so lets go i'll make it quick

i just wanna talk about the confession arthur made about the cannibalism that happened in the dreamlands

im not going to talk about the faustian bargain, im not going to talk about how great was the choice of cannibalism since the act of eating meat is well known when it comes to representing earthly desires, and im not going to talk about how they made the value of this exchange very clear with not only john's suffering but also how arthur looks back at it. yeah, i wanna talk about it, its beautifully written! but i wont because i said this would be quick

my favorite part, the chosen one to stop me from talking about the faustian bargain, is the wonderful "twist" that was made to this relatively common narrative moment, and what it says about john and arthur!!!

it was not that difficult to guess arthur had to resort to killing someone, not only because of the nature of that prison but also because they were calling that piece of bone they had by a very specific human name (otherwise that would be so funny lmao) but i hadnt really given a thought about what that meant to john with his ability to see peoples death, so that surprised me

its obvious that his ability is directly connected with humaneness, theres no way to make it clearer than the fact that john started to have it after arthur's coma (or that it literally makes an immortal being experience death). but arthur being the responsible one for that death just adds so much to it

and once again i could go on and on about how thats (to me) similar to a bunch of other events in the story where arthurs perspective of humans doesnt match his own actions, and how the consequences of some of his choices help john to experience humanity, but i wont, because i said it would be quick

arthur lied to john because he wanted to be extra cruel while killing that man, and then john was the one who was forced to empathize with him, reliving that death thousands of times. and the unnecessary cruelness arthur chose had its weight

in my opinion, as we can see with larson too, arthurs regret about his daughter is currently being coped through lashing out at anyone who commits any sin that comes any close to resembling his mistake. arthur judges john for killing in a non-reactive way, saying those are the acts of a monster, but hes starting to find ok to do something that fits the same classification, as long as he sees this specific fault in the person

and its funny because they had their most recent fight precisely because john also killed someone (two people actually) in a non-reactive way and arthur reminded him of it

i think theres a lot of potential around this. i hope that now that john is back this also turns around and john receives an opportunity to question arthurs choice about faust (and the wish to kill larson too i guess). knowing john itll probably be quite different from the way arthur did it, he'll probably be trying to help arthur to think straight about what hes doing, but that just makes it more interesting tbh

[martyrbat]

7 8 & 9!! 🫶

7. One DC death you'd like to make permanent—or alternatively, one you'd erase so it never happened?

if i was in a room with the joker and jason with a gun that had two bullets i would shoot jason twice <3 i think his character has good potentials however, being realistic with dc comics as a whole, they're never going to explore it in a way that has significance or is interesting. plus itll retcon the outlaws existence so its a win for the roy & kory girlies too <33

8. Is there anything about post-Flashpoint canon you prefer to pre-Flashpoint canon? Be honest.

i jump around in comics i read & their timelines A LOT so my canon and what i like is me just picking and choosing elements so trying to remember what came from where is difficult, especially because i considered flashpoint itself boring and new 52 is. new 52.... but I'm pretty sure its where willis todd was set up by oswald. i like the idea of him gooning (😌) for the penguin rather than his backstory being just a throw away line that he was working for two face because of the extra class commentary it can provide—especially if hes a poor man who just had to resort to petty crime and his desperation to provide for his family was being exploited. and him being thrown under the bus and arrested for something he wasnt responsible for in a cover-up for the crime lord who he was working for, resulting in being separated from his family and what eventually led to his family's homelessness—having his entire life ruined by a rich man who saw his life as nothing valuable and the unfair system that put him in that place to turn to crime and then punishes men like him rather than oswald... i think it has more depth and potential if any writer was capable of providing it, although i don't care for him now being wingman (?) and secretly still alive... but thats dc, one good idea forward, five steps back.

9. Superman in space or Superman in Metropolis? Does this change if I say Smallville instead?

oooh,,, ill have to say metropolis purely because it allows more nuances and better stories!! i think his adventures in space are grand and can be so fun but part of the reason why i love superman so much is that he IS this alien capable of major feats and he's powerful but, more importantly than that, hes just a lonely man whos scared to lose those he loves and wants to protect people. he has these abilities and he immediately wants to use them to help others and that hes based in that with all his actions. and because hes so people focused it also brings to a point of that sense of loneliness and guilt and identity crisis that he frequently had in 80s/90s comics and how he sacrifices a lot of his own happiness and self in the thought that he must to protect them or be the hero they deserve, allowing for stories to have more emotional weight and his character to be a silent tragedy that a lot of people overlook (literally what i was vaguely talking about last night on [this] post)

also i think a lot of people have gripes that hes boring because of his powers and the scale of his abilities but by having him in metropolis, it shows the heart of his stories and character (and it usually involves more than just out muscling the alien baddie since he has to be smart about his actions and what hes doing to reduce the possibility of civilians being hurt) and who he's supposed to be and what he represents by existing. by having him in such an earthly setting it constantly emphasizes that his character has always been to be a symbol of hope for the people, especially for the oppressed. what use is him having these big powers if he doesnt use it to protect those who needs it? again, his space adventures are fun and can be interesting!! but i think that if thats all superman was and what his stories focused on, itll get tiring quickly since itll be just making up new power-scaled characters to give any sense of conflict and loses such a big part of who he, as clark kent AND superman, is

(also i think him being so messy as clark is very entertaining and theres more possibilities of that soap opera drama in metropolis—i love when hes so painfully human and doesn't his shit together despite being one of the most powerful heros in existence. im still eagerly waiting for the inevitable clois divorce arc & for him to be a little cunty and have a ponytail again <33)

dc ask game <3

[uranium]

I heard you know things, I am not that familiar with radiation, so I'm not sure, I got a lutetium aluminum garnet, since they are made to glow when exposed to gamma radiation or x rays, and I've noticed they seem to also glow in the presence of ultraviolet radiation, do you think it might respond to the alpha radiation emitted by a uranium bearing mineral? Sorry if this may seem like a silly question

ooh good question! it seems like that garnet is mainly used for lasers, which i dont work with a lot, but from what i can tell, its fluorescent, which means that it works by absorbing high frequency wavelengths and emitting lower energy/frequency wavelengths in response.

gamma/xray/UV are all photons and thus can be absorbed by the garnet, but alpha radiation is dispensed through massive particles and i dont know if it would work the exact same way in this case. (i know alpha radiation can cause fluorescence in a few other materials, so its definitely possible, but i cant say for sure)

it might be difficult to tell at home because its much easier to blast your garnet with a bunch of UV photons at once than to get a similar flux with alpha particles, so itll be a little tricky to compare even if you do have some alpha source...but maybe you can make something out if you have a hot enough source in a dark room! lemme know if you can figure it out >:D

[lunarot]

UNRELIABLE NARRATOR TIMEOUT FOR 20000000 YEARS

watched psme again w some friends and it got me thinking about how a lot of stories have polarizing characters + ones who might even be core to (not) enjoying the work but shions notable for these qualities being inseparable from the storytelling. which is awkward!!!

(manga spoilers + mentions of sexual assault under the cut)

theres the fact that their memories are flawed (incomplete and subjective, even before they were eroded by time) but shion consistently sees both himself and others in the most bad faith way possible. this i think is part of why he can act on his resentment the way he does (The worst way!!!! every time!!!!). when he approaches shusuran with the proposal that the two of them go down to earth the way he thinks to sweeten the pot is to add WE COULD PLAY GOD. he doesnt say they could end war with deterrence and never have to suffer the same loss they did back home, which are his actual dreams. he just appeals to base desires of control

rin spends most of the manga terrified of what shion built after he was left alone, thinking that itll destroy their peaceful life on earth. to this end he systematically ruins every relationship he has, even going as far as to try to kill innocent people despite his trauma around it. except in the end, shion chose love!!! but no one knows that, not even he himself.

and this is where things come apart, because to the rest of the moon gang the guy whose eternal soul theyve felt such responsibility for is 1. a scoundrel 2. a rapist.* which would be a remarkable act of forgiveness if it came from people he had more of a relationship with than "uncomfortable coworkers" and also, you know, were the victim. but mokuren never claims he did so and is instead hung up on her mark not having disappeared after they had sex, a sign that she can never shed her divinity and be loved like a human would.

the story doesnt make it obvious if shes shrinking back from a memory that was later invalidated by the presence of the mark, or if her protests were to the act itself. still, she Was unwell for days after the fact, and shion (who notably doesnt have intimacy issues or a problem with treating himself as evil) seems to confirm it as assault. and then they get closer. and the manga ends as a circular, cosmic love story reuniting the two.

If at the heart of that is assault, id rather throw the whole thing out. i cant take the ending as anything other than a refutation of it. but the fact that such an ambiguity exists makes this a difficult work to reccommend

*going unsaid here is, 3. a child. which is fair, but hard to lean on when rins name all but falls out of use for shions

8/21

[pinnithin]

long kind of sad gay poast ahead

saw something about loving the unlovable and it got me thinking about how its a central theme in most of my writing. paired with like, isolation, being separate/other, the doomed concept of human connection, being the only person who can love and understand you the way you need, etc - i watched evangelion way too young if you couldnt guess.

anyway and this is due to the fact that a core part of my identity and personality revolves around the fact that i considered myself unlovable for the majority of my life, first unconsciously through childhood neglect, then by choice as some "you cant fire me i quit" teen angst sort of thing, then by a doomed sense of resignation all through college. its a significant part of how i see myself even now after years of working to unlearn it - ive managed to dial it back to "im difficult to love" which still isnt great but yknow. better than it was

which is why i have attachment issues and preferred one night stands for a long time. my romantic relationships (many of them short lived) have been with well meaning partners who assured me constantly that like, even though youre difficult to love its worth it. and that was all nice and good but it made me feel so fraudulent and disgusted with myself because it put me in the position of thinking either 1) this person doesnt actually know me that well at all or 2) i have somehow tricked this person into thinking under all the baggage theres someone worth loving. which is something i find difficult to reconcile with because the baggage is me too. i cant get rid of it. inevitably those people got wise and it ended up not working out.

by now have all these arguments and strategies geared up to explain to people who make the mistake of caring about me that its really not worth the effort, we're better off as friends or acquaintances, etc. im very transparent about the issues i deal with so its all just laid out there from the beginning and im not like, tricking people into being in a relationship with me or whatever by hiding it. ive talked in circles with exes over and over along the general lines of "im difficult to love" > "no youre not" > "i have xyz wrong with me and i push people away, trust me you dont want to deal with this" > "okay well we can work on that, and youll get better and itll be worth it" > "what if i never get better" > "you will, ill help you" > [me relenting bc im unable to dash their hopes and dreams that even if i Get Better im still Me at the core and the things that make me difficult to love are a permanent part of me]

the relationship im in now doesnt even let me get into that. shan is just like, youre not. youre not difficult to love, youre actually very easy to love and it has always been easy to love you, even before we were dating. and i dont have a comeback for that.

even with my usual strategy of "heres an itemized list of all the reasons dating me is a risk" theyre just like well sure, thats difficult for you to deal with, and im sorry its so hard for you, but that doesnt make you difficult to love. the loving is easy. that part has always been easy.

she doesnt treat me like a problem that needs to be solved she doesnt try to be my savior from myself she doesnt give any indication that shes just waiting it out until i reach a certain threshold of acceptable or unacceptable. she just loves me and trusts me to take care of myself, and it places a lot of personal responsibility on me to be better - not for us but for me, because im the only person who can do that and they know it.

its the healthiest relationship ive ever been in and ive never felt so safe and free to be myself. i dont need to live up to any expectations to eventually make myself lovable. im easy to love. hard thing for me to believe in self practice but going back to the inherent disconnect between all humans, who am i to know or control what they consider easy or difficult? i dont judge her when something she finds difficult is easy for me, so why wouldn't the opposite be true?

[highschool-rooftop]

oct. 27th, 2020

man its weird to think this blog is 2 years old isnt it? like when I started this i thought that i was anyday from just killing myself, i had no hope, no job, and was about to love my living situation but thanks to a few nice friends and accepting people, i was able to land a job at *generic sounding name for local seafood joint* and then after that place stressing me to the point of panic attacks and taking it out on the wait staff... then i ended things nice with that place despite how much i hated it and i apologized to the wait staff alot.. probably too much...

now ive worked at *big store chain* a year now and i hate it just as much as i hated *generic sounding name for local seafood joint* for a similar reason too!! i fucking despite the people that run the places i work because i know i could probably do their job 30× better, i just choose not to because thats also 30× more responsibility on my shoulders and ive already got broken legs from the shit i feel like im dealing with outside of work.

the more i focus for a minute the more i feel like my life is in shambles and that im barely functioning right anymore. ive been horribly depressed again as of the past couple months and my family i live with barely talk to me because im always in my room which is like totally fair, but if im not sleeping up there im using whatever energy is left from work to hang out with my friends because theyre actually engaged in the topics i talk about, they show interest and actually talk to me not at me. my aunt and uncle and i have few interests in common so its incredibly difficult for me to keep a conversation going for long with them. theyre always playing card games or board games but im not interested in them, theyre not really that fun for me. my uncle plays xbox but hes typically on COD which i dont enjoy because of how toxic those communities are, hes got minecraft but the last time he played he never told me he was getting on at all otherwise i would've joined! then theres me and my cousin who are currently on nearly completely different schedules and really only see each other when hes taking me to and from work which makes it hard to hang out and play games, and thats of hes even willing to play any of the games im comfortable with and not trying another Survival-Crafting-RPG-Game of the week or something like factorio which is hyper complicated and i dont have the time to dedicate to learning how to play correctly so i just end up being a resource collector and its kinda boring..

and all of thats just the at home situation. my friends at least hear from me more but since alot of them have moved out of town for college at this point i haven't hung out with a friend outside of work irl in like 5, maybe 6 months... and i dont interact with many people at work. im really really lonely.

small bit of good news i feel i should add here in case i dont come back again for a few months is that ive scheduled an appointment to see someone abt getting hrt, itll be Jan 19th! ill also be seeing a few of my online friends in December too!! i hope i can stay alive at least until then. sometimes i feel like im in the same situation i was in when i started this blog but those two things are the two things giving me the hope to keep pushing on i guess.

oh and my old friends birthday will be this weekend, i probably shouldve just forgotten them by now like they probably have me but in the off chance that they ever find this stupid blog: happy birthday BXXXXX, hope you have been in good health and that you are happy ! please be well and enjoy Freddy VS Jason and the Scary Godmother, and the live action Scooby Doo movies again this year !

with that i think thats all ive had to say. im neglecting mentioning new speaker of the house, Mike Johnson, and all the terrible horrible things i want to say abt him and how im worried it will fuck with my healthcare before i even recieve it due to the fact that im typing this up outside, its cold out, my phones almost dead, im tired, and i still have a bit of this bowl of the married iguanas to finish up with before unwinding and going to bed to repeat this living nightmare of a life all over again tomorrow. maybe ill watch adventure time before bed ..?

[dykeyote]

This might be more specific of an ask than you are looking for, so if it is, feel free to talk about just Seddie in general, but one thing I’d love to hear someone else’s thoughts on is how Sydney and Jedediah’s history will affect their romantic relationship. Like, they both have so so much trauma, and so so many issues (please, put these kids in therapy) and while that stands as a testament to all that they’ve been through together, I think it could also have a pretty negative repercussion on their relationship. I mean, heck, it already has in the first season! I feel their situation is just vastly different from the typical romances written in media. Personally, I actually really love that and am glad this kind of dynamic is being explored, but what do you think? Do you have predictions, thoughts, or opinions on “Toxic Cecil and Carlos” or Blue’s decision to write a relationship like theirs?

OH MY GOD NO I LOVE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS THIS IS SO GREAT im probably gonna have this be the last one i reply to before i go to bed bc i just think its such a fun question ...... will talk abt the rest tmr ........ BUT i absolutely think its going to affect their relationship no for certain . mainly because i think they havent worked out their issues at All before diving into dating each other and i think thats really gonna come back to bite them, how can you go from years of ignoring someone to dating them straight away? and we already kinda see that this isnt gonna go well, seeing as adams apparently a couples therapist - i wouldnt be surprised if we see them either break up or almost break up at some point, i Really think things are gonna be rough for them. mainly i think itll be difficult for jedidiah to be able to provide sydney with the attention and love that a growing relationship needs due to his Completely unresolved guilt and trauma surrounding sydney's reanimation, and i think sydney will have a difficult time trusting him and being comfortable around him with the fear we know he has for him. not to mention jedidiahs feelings of undue responsibility and his underlying ableism that seems to still be incredibly unresolved - i really think theres a Lot of issues theyre gonna need to work through and i think things will probably get worse before they get better. and you know what? i think thats AMAZING. i love that their relationship is so complex!! normally im not a huge fan of couples getting together early in shows because i feel like their dynamic becomes less interesting the moment after they get together. but they still have so much to work through!! theres gonna be so many problems!! im honestly unsure if theyre going to remain together in the end and while obviously as a sydidiah enjoyer to the grave thats sad 4 me . but its so good narratively because it means theres still uncertainty!! sydney and jedidiah dating does not mean that theyve stopped being flawed and interesting characters and i actually think its going to exacerbate things!! i hope theyre able to work through it and be able to be together healthily obviously but the fact that i Have to hope is really good narratively because it means that their dynamic hasnt lost what was so compelling and tragic in the first season. also from a representation standpoint i think its great because i think gay people need the messy rep that straight people get that doesnt take "messy" and turn it into "homophobic" or "queerbaiting". and thats what they are!!!! delightful!!!!!! i want to study these freaks in a lab

(also every time theyre called toxic cecilos it makes me giggle because it just makes me think of 70a bc kevin and carlos r the closest thing to toxic cecilos in the show which i find funny bc there the avoidant scientist is the one in the right but i digress . i like wtnv and calling them that makes me laugh)

[realtalk-tj]

i screwed up freshman year and got almost all bs and a gpa of 3.7 then someone showed me my rank and its not good, now i have as in pe and latin a- in english (which will drop because i think i did bad on a test) a b in history (dropped a lot bc i screwed up on a test bc i dont know how to study ofr history i spent hours for a 70),a b- in bio (i know the material but dr del cerros tests are so difficult) a b- in math not sure how itll go i think im getting better but idk advice for studying pls?

Response from Padma:

I definitely know how you feel - I was struggling a LOT in sophomore and even at the start of junior year. Congrats on your grade in Latin! HUM is very dependent on who you have - for WHGII tests remember to think about the big pictures concept, there is more of an emphasis on connecting different historical concepts in WHG now. The type of test you get is dependent on your teacher though - I always recommend talking with your teacher after a test to work out how you can improve!

You can work on Bio by, again, connecting different concepts to each other: how does a change in x system affect y system? Practice AP exam questions help too if you just need somewhere to prep before tests (AP World is essentially WHGII as well). For math, I'm going to assume you're in Math 4/5 - https://tutorial.math.lamar.edu/ is super helpful! A lot of the T/F questions are pulled DIRECTLY from the text of your notes packets, so make to study those, and just practice, practice, practice!

Cramming the day before a test NEVER works, space out your studying and you will retain so much more knowledge!!

Do not worry about your class rank, especially as you're just a sophomore - freshman year ranks don't matter, and some colleges don't even consider your freshman year grades! Good luck anon, you go this!

[neptunegoneby]

composite charts

some quick and random notes about composite charts since i’ve been doing a lot of synastry-composite readings recently.

the composite chart, davison charts, any kind of combined chart, is the Platonic idea of the “dia-logos”, or Lacan’s idea of “the Big Other”. you can think of these combined charts as showing the intellectual-emotional kin that is created by you and another person. this is the invisible “Other” that lingers around you both, and is activated through speech, physicalness, really anything you both do together.

- saturn trines or sextiles or conjuncts, adds stability consensually. easy moderation, easy discipline, easy structure. set structure. “consensually” as in, both people make a conscious decision and choices for structure.

- saturn squares, opposes, quincunx, adds stability after learning a lot of lessons. risky people and will need to learn. there can be a hard time learning to moderate. no-set structure with identity. makes more mistakes than an easier aspect, so again, stability come over time through failures/mistakes.

- saturn is relationship karma. shows where the couple has each other’s back, where the couple succeeds. where the couple fails and falls short.

- venus and moon: where the couple finds romance, love, pleasure, comfort, security --> 5th and 7th house.

- venus square/conj/opp moon --> this is a relationship that gets DEEP quickly, fast, and skyrockets to the next level.

- 6th/8th house and moon: how your day-to-day with each other is, how you share physical space, eating habits, night and daytime routines, hygiene together, shopping lists and other lists, a lot of space, things you need to do together

-mars: the  energy your relationship has: is it explosive, is it slow, is it hard for you both to adapt to change together --> do you both quarrel, are you both slow to anger. mars in 2nd/taurus will have you both taking your sweet time together, and perhaps you both have strict boundaries about what is yours and what is theirs so no arguments can happen over posessions.... mars in 8th: arguing about money.

- jupiter and mercury adds friendship, forgiving, unconditional aspect. friends first, lovers later. family first, lovers later. strong foundation of friendship first. everyone expects friends and family to stay first, which is what mercury and jupiter gives. the bond. (so does saturn, but more of a sense of responsibility to someone.) - mercury is a bond by camaraderie, jupiter is a bond unconditional generosity, and saturn is a bond by responsibility (parental almost). loosely.

- 4th house composite, 4th house ruler, planets in 4th house --> home element, retreating together. always wanting to be alone, wanting to just do things with the two of you and some family. keeps the circle small. 

- uranus in a composite shows unconventionality --> doesn't necessarily mean quick break ups or quick hookups (though it can) but can mean that the relationship is not traditional, in some taboo, some sort of oddity/rarity --> relationship meant to rebel/age differances/long distance. similar to pluto. relationship is exciting. where the couple experiences the most change.

- neptune in a composite shows all idealization ... neptune conj mars --> sexual idealization, moon conj neptune --> emotional idealization... can be a good thing because this romanticizes the relationship and keeps everyone in phases of romance, this just gets tested during hard times. everyone projects onto everyone, and everyone has an idealized version of themselves and others, yet when there is a hard neptune contact, neptune takes it to an extreme. both people tries to be the ideal, and doesnt necessarily fail, it can bring people to try to be their best self for the other, which can be selfless. romance and spiritual. to reach the "Ideal" is the neoplatonic/stoic understanding of reaching Unity, reaching Perfection: just as fractalic nature is perfect and unity, neptune shows this same reach.

- pluto on an angle, people get jealous, intense couple, something about the relationship that makes people shocked.

- most planets below horizon --> private, lowkey, invisible relationship - most planets above horizon --> public, highkey, visible relationship

- chiron in the 10th --> damaging of public image, chiron shows damage to the relationshp. --> chiron in the 4th: damaging of familial image, traditions, struggle to make tradition, struggle to make foundations with each other. --> chiron in the 1st: damaging of each other’s ego. losing oneself in each other, losing individual identity and unified identity.

- north node in 2nd --> accumulate resources, get a house together, invest, etc. where the north node shows what they go out in the world to do together. ---> in the 4th house has similarities, settling down together, real estate and houses, setting up legacies and traditions, learning how to nurture each other and themselves. north node in the 12th --> SACRIFICE, the idea of sacrifice comes up because the relationship you must learn to uncondtiionally love each other, learn what sacrifices are necessary to keep each other if that is what both people want. compromise, and you will most likely feel each other as soul mates or you will truly self-realize through each other. catalyst for each other’s spiritual growth, ltierally and metaphorically. the relationship launches you both into each other’s psyche. 

- south node heavy --> relationship that you are coming back to again. planets and points making hard aspect to south node, and house placements, show the repeated events.

- planets to north and south node --> yes, this is a relationship from the past that you either are going to have to stick through to see the rewards, or itll be very difficult to continue to go through. sextiles/trines/squares to jupiter, saturn, and sun can really ease these difficult placements.

[kisslettrs]

haikyuu characters talking after a fight with their s/o

featuring: lev, kuroo, suna

a/n: first post woo! hope you enjoy this ! ALSO UM. THEY TURNED OUT TO BE SO MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT THEYD BE??? ESPECIALLY KUROOS LMAO THEYRE NEVER THIS LONG I PROMISE DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP OR VICE VERSA. also not beta read soz 💔

warnings: none i don’t think? relationship fights ig. oh and angsty with some gushy shit at the end for each of them 💞

→ HAIBIA LEV

you and lev rarely get into fights. only small complains about his behavior and him whining, or friendly petty arguments. but last night was different... I guess you could say.

lev was always pretty immature and playful yeah, but sometimes it felt like he never took anything seriously. it felt as though he never took him and your relationship seriously. especially now, when you decided to confront him about it.

“why are you laughing...?” you asked, staring at him

“i-i’m sorry, y/n honey, i just...!” he said, covering his mouth as a half assed attempt to keep in his laughter.

“lev, i know it’s just in your nature to act like this but I’m being genuine. i’m not joking, please. you’re doing it again! please just listen—!”

you were cut off again by the sounds of your significant other’s laughter, causing all your frustration to let loose.

“lev haiba!”

he immediately stopped, before looking at you in the eyes, his thin pupils meeting yours.

“i’m sorry. but lev, please can you just take me seriously for once?! i love you, but you need to understand that you can’t just—!” you frailed your hand around, motioning towards him, you, whatever this scene was. “—you can’t just do this all the time I—!”

before you could finish, your mind had been too pent up with frustration. “nevermind...” you grabbed your bag, before rushing out the door, not giving him the chance to talk.

fast forward next day, and you checked your phone.

[32 new messages from favorite dork 💝]

you sigh heavily, before letting the cold feeling of guilt claw at the back of your head. you hadn’t mean to make lev worry, you just needed your time alone. although if you did have to be honest with yourself, leaving without a ‘i love you,’ or hell even just a ‘bye’ was cruel.

as you opened your messages, you were bombarded with messages of pleas and apologizes that were sent at 9:21 PM last night, moments after you left his house. the guilt swallowed your stomach again, your hands slowly typing; “it’s ok hun. really. I love you too.” and pressing send.

you threw your phone onto your bed, before deciding to get ready. you and lev never really saw each other much since you two were in different grades, he was a first year, you were a second. you both had to wait after school, or well... maybe moments after. your phone buzzed a few times, but you decided to ignore it. it was too early.

schools over, and you’re walking home. you were gonna talk to lev today, just not now. you didn’t wanna interrupt his volleyball training just for some stupid relationship issue. as soon as you reach home however, you see a familiar tall figure fidgeting on his phone.

“...lev?” you called out, causing the silver haired boy to whip his head around, his eyes lighting up. “Y/N!”

he quickly shoved his phone inside his pocket, before running up to you and embracing you in a warm hug, shaking you a little. “y/n! y/n! i’m sorry for being stupid last night, I’m sorry, i’m so sorry.” he was squeezing you tight, and god did it hurt hearing his voice break like that.

“lev, sweetie, i told you it’s okay, really.” you spoke, caressing his back. he seemed to stay still for a moment, before speaking once again. “is this okay? me holding you like this, is this okay or do you... need space?”

you smiled softly. it made you happy lev wanted to make sure he wasn’t overstepping any of your boundaries. you felt your other arm hold him. “yeah, this is okay.” you swore you could feel him smile out of relief.

“i’m... i’m sorry again y/n honey, it’s just hard for me, i don’t...” he paused. “it’s just...difficult for me to handle situations like that.” you nuzzled into his shoulder. “it’s okay, you dork. i understand.” you reassured him again.

“but—!” he pushed back, meeting your eyes. “i’m gonna try...i’m gonna try harder. i’m gonna try to be better, for you y/n! i love you so much... i’ll do my best.” god, this dork. no wonder you loved him so much. you cupped his cheeks. “i’ll do better too lev, i won’t be as mean again. i promise, i love you too, so much.”

and with that, both of your faces met, and the two of you kissed lightly.

→ KUROO TETSURO

you and kuroo get into small arguments here and there like every other couple, and whenever you do you two usually recover quickly. you both like to call them ‘squicks.’

however, that night there was no denying that wasn’t any other normal squick you two had. no, that was a fight.

kuroo and you haven’t had a moment alone that wasn’t just you and him walking back home, and it’s been making you upset. so uh, that night you decided to confront him about it.

yeah it didn’t go well uhh

“i know we’re like, a couple y/n. but honey you have to understand i’m busy. you have friends don’t you? go hang out with them or something.”

“yeah, i know kuroo, and trust me i’m happy for you! but you’ve been so distant, we haven’t had a moment alone that lasted more than 5 minutes for like, 2 months! it wasn’t a big deal then, but i miss you and i’m worried.”

you paused, before continuing. “don’t you wanna spend some time with me? just, for like 30 minutes? don’t you miss me?”

“i do, y/n. i miss you and i love you. but like i said i’m busy with volleyball, you aren’t my top priority right now.”

“it’s been 2 months kuroo!” you shouted, causing him to widen his eyes. “don’t you understand? i’m not asking for your top attention, I’m asking for you to give me 25% of it at least!”

it was quiet for a moment. “sorry.” was all he said, before turning around his eyes focused on the volleyball between his feet.

you felt hurt and frustrated. “you know what? fine.” he immediately went back to look at you, seeing you grab your bag. “see you whenever you feel like to acknowledge my existence, I guess. bye.”

as soon as you touched the doorknob, you could hear him get up and say the words ‘wait, baby wait—‘ but you had enough. you needed to air out your head of the tension and frustration of the house and you left. you felt tears peak at the corner of your eyes as soon as you did.

next day, and you’ve been feeling shittier than usual. as soon as you woke up, you turned to make you lay on your back, staring at your ceiling and thinking; “was i too harsh? am i being too selfish? too clingy?”

you loved what your boyfriend did and you were perfectly fine with him having his time to himself. you knew you weren’t his top priority and he wasn’t yours. but 2 months with little to no communication felt too long. was it wrong to want to spend at least 30 minutes with your boyfriend? was that too much to ask for?

the anxiety raced to your head again. what if you were being too clingy. maybe kuroo had the right to be upset too. you were being too selfish, stop thinking of yourself so often. you curled up into your side. you didn’t want to think about it, and you didn’t want to see him in the halls either. you didn’t even wanna check your phone to see if you messaged you.

you decided to skip, staying home, watching TV and playing some games. you couldn’t mentally handle seeing him. at least not for right now.

some time passes by, and your phone is buzzing. you checked the time from the small clock on your wall, seeing the handles pointing towards 4:30 PM. oh wow, after school clubs should be over too.

you grabbed your phone to see who it’s by, knowing deep down it was who you thought it was.

[23 new messages by Hubby 😾💗]

[Kyanma: uhh hey y/n? did something...]

[2 missed calls by Hubby 😾💗]

choosing to ignore kuroo for now, you swiped at Kenma’s notification and read the full message.

[Kyanma: uhh hey y/n? did something happen with kuroo that youre aware of??? he seemed so much more down than usual during practice.

you: no. we rarely talk anymore because of practice lol I guess.

Kyanma: ???

Kyanma: Did something happen between YOU two?

you: we had a fight. im not really in the mood to talk to him. I skipped school. itll be back to normal in a few more days, sorry for the inconvenience snchsychsj

Kyanma: you two should resolve that. like seriously. hope u two feel better tho, bye✌️

you: we will hopefully lol bye kenma !!]

sighing, you placed your phone down on the small coffee table infront of you, but as soon did, you heard a knock coming from your front door. humming in response, you got up and made your way towards the front door, but decided to look through the peephole to make sure it wasn’t some scammer person or creep.

well, it was neither of those two but it was in fact no one else other than kuroo tetsuro. you sighed heavily again, before unlocking the door and turning the knob opening up to your boyfriend.

“hey y/n.”

“hi kuroo.”

you folded your arms, deciding to put up a strong facade, pretending you weren’t mentally screaming and that anxiety wasn’t clawing at your back. “did you forget something or...?”

kuroo brought his hand to the back of neck, awkwardly scratching it. “yeah uh...” he looked around, not wanting to make eye contact. “um. listen y/n.” he made his way to grab your hands, holding them together. “i’m sorry. i really am.”

“please don’t touch me. not right now at least...” even though you seemed so desperate for his touch the other night, you really did need your space. kuroo seemed alarmed at first, quickly swiping his hands back, wanting to respect your space. “of course baby! i’m sorry for acting too soon.”

you watched him scramble around a bit, finding it a bit cute. “can I come inside?” he asked. you nodded, and both of you went inside and sat to your coach.

“like I said y/n. i know ive been distant, and ive missed you so much. god, do I miss you. i wanna hug you and cuddle you so bad but volleyball and the nationals have been bugging me i couldn’t have find the proper time. i’m just scared... and I...”

“kuroo.” you said. his head snatched upwards, looking at you. you were gonna say something as soon as he did but the look he gave you caught you off guard. he looked like a cat pleading.

as soon as you pushed away the thoughts of him being stupidly adorable, you continued your sentence. “I understand, and i’m sorry for being too clingy. i just miss you a lot. i’m willing to wait for you, baby.” as soon as you said that, you saw his eyes pierce through your soul. fuck did I say something wrong.

before you could say anything else, it was kuroo’s turn to speak. “no baby. it’s alright, you aren’t the one at fault here it was me. i’m sorry for not listening to you that night. i’m gonna be a better boyfriend, i’m gonna be the boyfriend you deserve through and through.”

fucking idiot, i’m the one who was supposed to say sorry, not you! You didn’t say anything for a moment, before laughing lightly. “babe? i love you but i have to be the one who takes at least, 50% of the fault. it’s okay, i love you and i forgive you. and i’m happy for what you’re doing and how far you’ve come.” you placed your hand on his. “you can touch me now.”

his eyes immediately lit up, his lips curving into a smile and you swore you could see tears start forming in his eyes before he launched himself onto you. “my god y/n, how did i get so lucky. i love you so much, i love you so much.” he hugged you tight. you laughed. “i love you too kuroo. so much, i love you so much. i’m the lucky one.”

he pulled away and brought you to a kiss. before you could respond, he asked, “are you free saturday?”

→ SUNA RINTARO

while suna and you disagreed on a lot of things from time to time, you two usually both came to a mutual agreement and it wasn’t anything big.

but lately he seemed even more off than usual. communication was such a huge thing between both of you, but he seemed to just not be...cooperating?

suna is someone who doesn’t like expressing his emotions. and as his significant other, you felt like understanding him was a priority. but you just didn’t sometimes and it made you worry. him being distant did not help.

one day when you decided to bring it up, the situation got a bit... out of hand

“what?” he asked.

you shrugged your shoulders. “i don’t know. suna i care for you, and you just never helping me understand makes me extremely upset! i know it’s hard for you, but...”

you could feel him roll his eyes. “i don’t know what you’re going on about y/n,” he looked at you. “but really, i’m fine. do you not trust me to talk to you or something?”

“no..!” you denied. “listen. youve been getting more and more tired each day and i could tell. you’ve been ghosting me too.”

“...what?” he basically hissed it. “i’m not an asshole y/n. nothing is wrong. why do you keep trying to butt your head into my life every second?” his voice began to raise.

this was rare. even when he did raise his voice at you, it was never filled with negative intent but this time...

“i can take care of myself, y/n. i don’t need you and your noisy nose in my business all the time. sorry if you feel like you’re on baby sitting duty, but you really don’t need to be so clingy and emotional all the time...”

well damn. his words hurt. a lot.

“sorry for caring for you then, damn...” you grumble under your breath. you quickly grabbed your house keys and bags. he perked his head up. “y/n? where are you going?”

you didn’t reply. “y/n!” you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the pain in your chest and stomach, before opening the door and leaving.

as soon as you woke up, your head hurt more than usual. those words must’ve hit you deeper than they should’ve, huh?

maybe i was just being too clingy, you thought, and those thoughts hadn’t left your mind the whole morning. whatever, you’ll just apologize after school.

you haven’t seen suna at all that day, not on the walk to school, not in the halls, not in his classroom. he was... nowhere. when you went to the volleyball club after school, asking if any of the members had seen him all of them replied with a simple ‘no.’

kita specically had been giving you long glances ever since you arrived. once you finally reached him, instead of denying seeing your boyfriend, he told you, “he wasn’t in school at all i assume. maybe he’s at home.”

home? why would he be home? maybe he was feeling sick...

you bowed and thanked him and the rest of the teammates before leaving. on your way home, you decided to stop by a connivence store and buy him his favorite snack, chuupet. or well, just jelly fruit snacks. you bought 2 packs for you and him, hoping it was a good time to apologize.

you walked up to his house, knocked lightly on the door and was greeted by his mother. “ah~ greetings y/n!” you smiled lightly and gave her a wave. “good afternoon! say, is rintaro home?” you asked. she nodded, moving to the side as a way to invite you in the house. “he should be in his room!”

“thank you!” you bowed quickly before making your way up the stairs. as soon as you passed by his sisters room, there you were infront of his. with your free hand, you lightly held a fist and began knocking on his door.

“suna? rintaro?” you called out. you would call him by a sweet pet name but remembering last night, you didn’t wanna break any boundaries. the room was quiet, and though you really didn’t wanna disturb him, you wanted to make sure he was okay. as soon as you did, however, you were greeted by a sight that broke your heart.

suna rintaro, the boy you loved so much, had his hair messier than usual, his eyes seemed red from crying and he was up against his bed frame, his phone in his hand. when he looked up, he saw you, his eyes widening.

“...y-y/n?” you stood there frozen. “rintaro...honey my god,” you quickly went up to him. “what happened?” you looked at him, his gaze looking down. you wanted to hug him so bad, but yet again, that argument you had last night prevented you from anything.

“hey. listen, sweetie. i got your favorite.” you held up the 2 bags of jelly fruit gummies. “it’s gonna be okay, okay? i’m here.” he was just looking at you, not saying anything, before muttering something under his breath.

“huh? what was that? i didn’t hear you hon, what’s up?” you asked, making sure to keep your distance. suna choked back a sob, before launching himself onto you, almost knocking you into the ground. “w-woah there!”

“y/n... i’m sorry i’m so sorry. i’ve been so frustrated with school... exams... volleyball and i’ve missed you so much but i was so tired that night! i lashed out on you but i didn’t mean any of it. i promise, i promise, don’t leave me please.” he sobbed quietly, his head resting against your forehead. when you looked up, you could see him squeezing his eyes shut.

wow, this was even more rare.

you brought your arms to his neck, embracing him. “it’s okay rintaro. shh, it’s gonna be okay. i love you and i’m sorry for being upset, i just worry about you.” you rubbed his back lightly as he continued sobbing, allowing you to give him a few kisses on the cheek, neck and forehead. “you’re safe, you’re gonna be okay honey. i love you so much.” you repeated.

suna never showed his emotions much, but he seemed to have a lot of pent up anger, sadness and confusion up in him, and he let it out for an hour infront of you, there to comfort him.

as soon as he stopped, you and him were snuggling on his bed watching whatever was on his TV, eating the fruit snacks. he leaned onto your head. “i love you...please, don’t leave me. i’m sorry.”

you bumped your head back onto him. “stop apologizing. i keep telling you it’s okay.” you giggled lightly. “please sweetie, talk to me so this doesn’t happen again.” he only nodded silently, before drifting to sleep in your embrace.

[prismadog]

I had a fic idea, kinda inspired by shyrose57's Responsibility AU except it wouldn't be like their au - btw, check out their au, they have so many fun posts to read!

anyway, the fic idea I have in mind is a Xornoth - Shubble one where big ol' scary XorXor is just living a life of routine: scare a few Nether residents, grow some corruption, plot a way to escape their eternal prison, kill some creatures, give up on the escape attempt because it's useless - there is no escape, no matter how hard they try, they just. can't. escape this infernal hell.

ya know, normal things

anyway, one day Xor crosses paths with a lil' bebbi [how do you youngsters spell this word?] gnome child and being who they are, tries to scare the child. what they don't count on is the child finding their scare tactics funny [kinda like a Mike/Sully - Boo situation]

having never experienced this reaction from another before, they are thrown a bit for a loop and are left confused - are they no longer scary? have they somehow lost their terrorizing powers? they wonder

then they become even more confused when said child, weird as she may be already, says her name is Shrub and declares that they're now friends!

Xornoth tries to tell lil' Shrub that they don't need friends but she refuses to listen. they then try to leave but for some reason, they just. can't. leave.

they then decide, at that very moment,, to adopt this strange little creature as their "pet minion" because hey, this is the first living being they've come across that didn't scream and run away in terror at the sight of them.

as time goes on and the two wander the Nether, they become close in the familial sense. Xor doesn't know if they're now Shrub's big brother, or her father - all they know is that if anything were to happen to their lil' gnome kid, they would obliterate every living being in the entire realm and then themself.

idk what else happens, that's all I got atm

tdlr; fic idea where Xornoth adopts child!Shrub

edit: during my first ask for this au, I came up with the tag Found Family AU. I'll probably still list both under any future posts because I love making things more difficult for myself that way itll have a better chance of being found under tumblr's tagging system.

[martyrbat]

how would you change tim's character to make him ""better""

(in reference to this post (i think?))

ooh! this is a very interesting thing to ask and deserves an answer for when i can actually think on it more thoroughly but for now:

firstly, for the record, i fully agree with this post about how steph should been the third robin

but okay. i think a key element to any post!jason robin is actually exploring Bruce's grief and how its effecting him. i understand its a comic so they have to keep the action flowing instead of indulging entirely in the vast and deep topic of grief (unfortunately) but i think by actually acknowledging jasons death they can shape the narrative and have it be high stakes and a continuing arc!

bruce couldn't save his own son - how is he trusted to save someone else's? how is he going to save a city and stop evil when he couldn't for the person that mattered most? how he's once again fighting in hopes to prevent someone else from experiencing the same loss but it doesnt take away his pain.

especially with bruces complex to save everyone. anyone dies or has a tragedy occur to them and bruce blames himself every single time. he believes should of (and could of) done something - even if it was impossible. so tie that with how hes supposed to always be prepared, always save the day, always be that dark knight and hero? but failing to the extent that his own child is dead? how jason died hoping bruce would burst in there and save him and then died as a hero when he should of been living as a boy? him being responsible by introducing jason to thie vigilant lifestyle and how his memory lives on in everything bruce does.

show me that guilt! that insecurity and how he still loves jason!! this man hung onto the death of his parents this obsessively, itll be even worse for his child! i literally cannot stress this element enough, he needs to grieve. its gonna be messy and complex and difficult. he's never going to stop grieving to an extent, you never do.

NOW. onto tim (unfortunately). each robin has been a reflection of Bruce's characteristics and sides to its most extreme. if it has to be tim, personally ill go more for tim being more like bruce's detached side. countless nights staring at a screen or paperwork, not knowing social cues as well, having a tendency to isolate when overwhelmed or to avoid reality, paranoid. i think of this panel immediately:

[ID: Alfred scolding Tim after he punched Damian for falsely believing he was attacking Alfred. Alfred says, "He was stopping me from falling. The poor lad is afraid. He needs comfort... Not a fist in the face. It's all very well being blessed with fierce intelligence. But that doesn't mean a thing if it's not tempered by compassion, Timothy. Mr. Wayne knows that." END ID]

not careless, not heartless - to be a robin, you have to care and want to help people. but how you help and style is very different. his compassion being linked to 'the greater picture' vs jason who was so much for the actual people and individuals and "small details' that often get forgotten about in said general picture. jason focused on the brush strokes that were the people of gotham while tim would go for gotham as a whole. what would be the best long term effective? what would it take to reach it?

i think by making tim more logic based in his compassion and is a good way to challenge bruce in a way that all the robins have before. its how that dynamic works, there has to be chemistry and that balance.

let him see this kid as a reflection of why he cant deprive himself from his heart despite how much it hurts seeing another little boy running around in a yellow cape when it should be his little boy still. that it hurts because he had someone to hurt over. have bruce mourning and grieving and impacted by jason's death (canonly he was rougher as batman because of it/emotionally withdrawn more) while also scared shitless that this kid is going to be next and he'll be making another father go through the same lost hes going through

it also allows tim more room for character development and to have a distinct factor instead of his cherry picked perfect traits and 'flaws' from the others before him. its still robin but hes so different from jason and as a result bruce has to actually confront his feelings and how jason taught/reminded him that he cant forget the people while waiting around and planning for the perfect big picture. that without the people, who cares if the city is saved? it acknowledges jasons life and death and honours jason beyond a perserved costume:

[ID: Robin telling Jason he's gotten too emotionally involved with a case due to not picking up on obvious signs of their convict, Felipe, being on cocaine. The next panel is Batman and Robin on a stakeout. Batman's internal narration reads, "Over the next three days we have a dozen opportunities to bust Felipe holding. But we hold off. I want to take out a part of the Senior Garzonas' operation when Felipe takes his fall. Robin doesn't like this idea." Additional note is that because of this, Felipe had time to intimidated the woman he raped into killing herself. END ID]

i know a lot of this is about jason and bruce instead but you cant ignore him or pretend he didnt happen. jason's death is was what gave birth to tim's existence (and capitalism but yknow). its going to impact him and the robin dynamic forever. its going to change bruce forever because he didn't want another robin. he didnt want someone else's kid. he wanted his son who was six feet under

people talk how tim is the robin that chose to be robin and to involve himself instead of the circumstances causing it. go heavier into that. its why he clings to that title and is an asshole to damian - because he thinks without that mantel - hes nothing. have him insecure and obsessive over it. have the obvious distance between him and how bruce was with the robins before him because they were his actual sons. you can love and care about someone but not see them as family. ESPECIALLY with tim's parents - who did love him but were still neglectful and how that'll make him insecure/grow a complex.

have tim having to learn to trust others and how to be vulnerable but still struggle. have him learning to not isolate as much and snapping at others when he does. have the conflict of tim saying its a sacrifice to help the greater good. hell, have him lean more into the mad scientist and invention route even, he did cloned his best fucking friend. i dont care what, just give him SOME personality beyond batman's lapdog and always being so perfectly imperfect that his few 'flaws' are polished and excused.

[mooifyourecows]

my mom is super pissed and super dissapointed BUT knows i wasnt involved and understands why i didnt act differently so i think ill be okay with her. my sister who wasn't involved (my older sister) is super pissed, but again not so much with me but mostly with my other sister because she did participate , but my older sister did scream at me for a few minutes, which made her a little less mad, and i desereved it. she also cant yell at my other sister because shes actially fucking crazy when she has to face the consequences of her actions and would likely do something irreversable because she feels like shit about what happened nd my older sister knows that, which kind of pissed her off more, but i think itll mostly be okay.

ive also decided i will not see any of those people aside from my sister outside of school, and will not speak to them or interact with them unless they initiate, and i will keep it short. im tired of being dragged into shit that i dont wanna be a part of. also that boy did take responsibility for one of the things used being his, so hopefully my sister and i will not get drug charges , but my 'friends' literally said they lied to the police. i dont know if thats true or if they just dont want everyone to think they snitcehd , but i refuse to be involved with people who think its okay to break the law and when they get caught, to do it again. theyre stupid and i cant deal with that. especially when half of them are shitheads who dont like me anyways.

ive also decided to see if i can tutor after school and also write handwritten letters to the officers superintendent and principal to attempt to get my reputation back. i know you said it doesnt matter, and its probably pointless to even worry about, but i do really care what these people think of me, and i want them to trust me and believe in me and support me. i am nothing without my reputation and intelligence at this school. all these people have known each other since diapers and have lives to fall back on. they have family farms and loyal friends and support from their community. i dont have that so i want to earn support and loyalty and this is the only way i know how.

i really appreciate the support through all my struggles ive shared with you. even thought you arent in my life physically and youre just some cool person i know from the internet who writes silly stories i like , its nice to feel like someone cares about you. ive always found it difficult sharing my thoughts and feelings, especially with adults mostly because i didnt want to be judged, and i dont feel judged with you, and i can get advice from someone with more life experience. thank you for that. i hope youre doing well, especially after your surgery(?)

I'm proud of you for setting up new boundaries and distancing yourself from those people. But I hope you also know that its not fair for your older sister and mom to use you as a scapegoat because your other sister isn't mentally stable enough to take her fair share of the punishment. Just because she can't handle it doesn't mean you should have to handle double the dose of yelling and anger. That's not healthy, especially since you were already an unwilling party to that whole experience.

And I hope you realize that you have worth and value outside of what people think of you! It's okay to be concerned with your reputation but keep in mind that nobody will truly understand the real you because they're not in your head all the time. They will judge you on only what they see and believe about you so it's impossible to curate a perfect image. But that's okay! People aren't meant to understand one another to such degrees anyway. It's alright to be flawed. We are all just works in progress, trying our best to make the most of what we've got

You'll understand this more and more the older you get. And your desire to be seen in a good light by others will fade as you realize that yours is the one true opinion that REALLY matters. Once you start liking and respecting yourself, everyone else can take a long walk off a short pier 😌

Stay positive! Things can and will always get better 🖤