#BEGGING you lot to learn to read jesus christ.

[marcelgerard]

The bastard son and the devil himself is literally about how racism is wrong. I’m sorry but y’all white ppl complaining about it are dense af if you can’t see that

hatecrimed in my own inbox by people with no critical thinking skills calling me white. incredible.

[paintyoureyeswithavividmind]

close to home | chapter fifty six

close to home | chapter fifty six

plot: the reader and her group head to Alexandrai after she and Daryl have an important discussion

series masterlist

Pairing: Eventual Daryl Dixon x f!reader Word Count: 3,129 Warnings: violence, blood, typical twd, mentions of miscarriage A/N: thank you for reading!!! also I thought I had these next few chapters scheduled to post once and I didn't 😭

Of course, you and Daryl woke earlier than you had to. The sunlight streaming from the window awoke you a little after sunset. You’d woken up with Daryl sleeping on your chest, and his hand dipped into your panties, holding onto your hip. The sun glistened off his tan skin, and you could see the muscles in his arm even as he slept. 

And then he was awake and kissing you good morning. 

When he went to break away from you, you pulled him back into another kiss and pushed your body against him. His hand squeezed your hip hard, and you could feel the cold metal of his ring, which only turned you on further. The desire for him burned through you so hot you couldn’t stop yourself.

“(Y/N)...” Daryl mumbled against your lips as you trailed your fingernails gently down his chest. You’d learned quickly how much he loved it. 

“They’ll wait for us,” You whispered. “I want you.” You grabbed his hand and gently pushed it between your legs. 

His fingers pulled aside your bottoms and slowly traced up your center. “Jesus Christ,” He muttered. “Ya already soakin’ for me, darlin’?”

You nodded as he slowly pumped a finger inside of you, and your mouth parted open. You took a deep breath, your chest brushing against his. Daryl’s head dipped low, and he kissed your neck slowly. “Gotta tell me what ya want?”

“I just want you, Daryl,” You said, lifting your hips to take off your panties. You grabbed his arm and did your best to pull him on top of you because you knew it was his favorite way to have sex. 

You spread your legs as he adjusted himself, and then you pulled down his bottoms enough to get to what you wanted. Your hand wrapped around his cock, pumping slowly.

“I like when ya wake up like this,” Daryl gruffed, sleep still so evident in his voice. 

“Please, honey, don’t make me beg you,” You whined.

Daryl hummed and gently pulled your hand away to rub his tip against your clit. “Kinda like it when ya do, though.”

You groaned and wrapped your arms around his neck. “I hate you.”

He chuckled and kissed your forehead. “Happy wife, happy life,” He mumbled before he pushed into you. You moaned loudly and wrapped your legs against his waist as he found a rhythm. 

“I think…” You breathed out, “That’s the first time… you called me your wife.”

“That what ya are, ain’ no reason not to call ya that.”

You moaned quietly and grabbed his face, tilting it so you could look at his face. “You’re so sexy when you say stuff like that.” You smiled when he blushed. “What? You can fuck me multiple times a night but if I call you sexy you start blushin’,”

“It’s different.”

“No, it ain’t,” You laughed as you felt him move inside of you again. “You’re sexy, so there’s no reason to not call you it.”

Daryl tried not to laugh, which only made you laugh again. “We supposed to be havin’ sex, not laughin’,” He said.

“I beg to differ,” You grabbed his bicep and bit down on your lip when he thrust particularly hard into you. “What kind of sex is better than us laughing together?”

***

Later, you returned to your room after taking a quick and cold shower. You’d changed into the bathroom and immediately made a beeline to grab your brush. 

Daryl was on the other side of the room, throwing your belongings into backpacks. 

“You know,” You said as you brushed your hair quickly. “We’ve been having sex a lot, pretty regularly, for about a year and a half, right?”

“What ‘bout it?”

You set the brush down and started braiding back your hair. “Well, I would say nine times out of ten, you finish inside of me.” Once finished, you walked over to him to help. “The one exception being when you want to in my mouth.” 

Daryl blushed and looked at you. “Ya got a point?”

“I haven’t gotten pregnant.” You said, zipping up the bag and throwing it over your shoulder. “I thought that when I had the miscarriage, it did something to me. Maybe made me infertile or something? But you’re basically a grandpa, so maybe your swimmers aren’t swimming.” 

Daryl sighed. 

“Anyway,” You continued. “They used to classify it as one year with unprotected sex, and no pregnancy means something’s wrong, and since there’s no baby, I was thinking that I am.”

“Was? Ya ain’ anymore.”

“I’m late,” You finally told him. “It isn’t like my period has been regular all the time, but I haven’t gotten it in two months.”

Daryl stared at you for a long moment before slowly nodding. He walked up to you, took the bag off your shoulder, and put it on his. “Okay.”

“You don’t have anything else to say?”

“I’ll get ya a test, so we know for sure.” Daryl leaned down and kissed your forehead. “Ain’ like we been playin’ safe when it comes to it. Ya always beggin’ me for it.”

You gaped and shoved him. “Don’t act like you don’t like it. In fact, there’s been many times where I don’t even tell you to.”

Daryl glanced at the floor, and you couldn’t tell if he was trying not to laugh or hiding his blush. You stepped over to him and took his hands. “Tell me what you think about it, honey.” 

He looked at you and bit his lip for a moment. “Thinkin’ if ya are, we’ll get through it. If ya ain’, it’s bound to happen anyways.”

“You actually want one?” You asked. “After Lori?”

“Was a long time ago.” Daryl rubbed his forehead. “Things are better now. Not sayin’ I’d try to make ya, but if it happens, if ya are, I’d be happy ‘bout it.” You nodded, dropped his hands, and turned away, unsure what to think. But he grabbed your hand again and pulled you back to him. “What ya thinkin’?”

You furrowed your brows and bit the inside of your cheek. “I’m thinking that I don’t know what to think. That I don’t know if I’d ever want one… but I used to. When I lost my baby…” You trailed off and closed your eyes. You could so clearly picture the car coming towards you, the impact, and the way the car flipped.

Your lips trembled, and you looked up at Daryl. “When I lost my baby, I figured I would eventually try again, but then this happened.”

“‘M so sorry, darlin’,” 

You sniffled and wiped away a stray tear. “I remember it so perfectly. My life before this was a haze. Liam is a haze to me now. But that day… he had to go into emergency surgery. And I found out alone. And I just laid for hours cradling my baby. They induced me later that day, and I had to do that myself, too.” 

Daryl was already hugging you at that point, and you kissed his cheek. “I’m okay; I’ve had a long time to accept it. I’m only telling you because I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go through it. To lose another child…”

He moved back and leaned his forehead against yours. “Ya strong enough for anythin’, darlin’. No use stressin’ and worryin’. I’ll find ya a test, and we can figure it out.”

You nodded and leaned back to look at him. “I love you, old man.”

***

When you arrived at Hilltop and saw what happened to Maggie, you immediately embraced her. She was thankful for the hug but tried to remain strong in front of everyone. Then you scooped up the howling cat and hugged Tora tightly. 

She was purring loudly and chirruping, and you knew she was very happy to see you. And you were even more excited to see her. After a few minutes of cradling her while Maggie, Daryl, Rick, and Michonne talked, she demanded to be let down. 

“I wanna see my nephew,” You told Maggie, who immediately brightened up. 

“Come on, he’s getting cuter by the day.”

You grabbed Daryl’s hand and pulled him along. Hershel was up in the nursery, and you smiled as you saw him playing in the playpen. 

“He remembers you, even if he can’t speak yet.” Maggie smiled. 

You scooped up the baby and smiled, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his head. He looked so much like Glenn that it made your heart hurt and swell simultaneously. You cooed softly and grabbed his pudgy little hands, giving him a few playful bounces. 

“I just love this baby so much,” You said. This baby was blood; he was Maggie’s and Glenn’s, and it meant so much to you. To have blood family in this world. You shook your head at the thoughts. How many people weren't so lucky?

Maggie started telling you about all his developments. He was just about a year old and was progressing as expected. As she spoke, you noticed Daryl staring at you with a look you’d never seen before. And you knew exactly what he was thinking, and it filled you with dread. 

“Do you wanna say hi to Uncle Daryl?” You asked the baby, crossing the room. “I think he wants to say hi to you.”

You handed Daryl the baby and smiled at the sight of him. You walked over to Maggie and leaned against the desk next to her. “It takes me back to when Judith was that small at the prison.”

“He was so good with her,” Maggie nodded. 

“I can hear ya,” Daryl said. 

You chucked softly before looking at Maggie. “You guys got any pregnancy tests here?” You asked her. 

She choked on her own air and looked between you and Daryl. “Are ya’ll kidding?”

“She always is one for sayin’ what she thinkin’,” Daryl said. 

You gave him a look before looking back at your cousin. “You know it’s hard to track periods with everything going on, but I think it’s been like two months?”

“We don’t keep them on the supply list, but I can ask Jesus to grab some on his next run. He’s scheduled to go out soon.” 

“Great, so anotha person can know,” Daryl muttered as he put Hershel back in the playpen. 

You ignored his comment and looked at your cousin. “Thank you."

***

You spent the remainder of the day helping the community, jumping into the work you usually did when you stopped here. Both Daryl and Maggie told you that you shouldn’t be working yourself so hard until you found out if you were pregnant or not, to which you effectively told both of them to fuck off. 

After the sunset, you did decide you were down for the night. And there was a commotion going on at the center of the community anyway, so you gathered something was happening. 

“What’s going on?” You whispered to Michonne. Gregory was sitting on a horse with a noose tied around his throat. “Is she…?”

Michonne nodded, and you grabbed her hand. When everyone turned, you copied their actions and saw Maggie approaching Gregory. You tried to meet her eyes and ask her if this was what she wanted, but she avoided eye contact. 

“I don’t wanna do this,” Maggie said. “But people need to understand that at Hilltop, the punishment fits the crime.” Then she turned to look at Gregory, and you slowly shook your head. “Do you have any final words?”

Gregory begged for his life, and you took a few steps as you looked at Daryl. You couldn’t meet his eyes through the dark. 

But then Maggie nodded towards him, and you watched him swat the horse away, and Gregory was left to die. You vaguely could hear Michonne yelling about something, but you ignored it. Your fingers curled in your fist and listened as Maggie spoke. 

Once Gregory’s body was on the ground, you turned around and walked away. 

***

“What the fuck, Daryl?” You yelled as soon as you saw him walk into the tent. 

“What?”

You shook your head. “Why did you do that? That had nothing to do with us.” 

He looked at you and slowly shook his head. You could see he wasn’t happy, and that made you angry. “She asked me too.”

Your fingers twitched, and you pushed past him. You ignored him calling your name as you walked up the hill towards the house and pushed the door open. There was light coming from Maggie’s office, and you shoved the door open. 

“(Y/N)...”

“No!” You yelled. “I talk. You listen.”

Maggie looked at you with wide eyes but stayed quiet. 

“Look, I know Gregory was an asshole, and he deserved to die for many reasons. And I do not question nor deny that you made a decision that was best for Hilltop. I’ve seen you do much worse for the things you care about. And I love you, Maggie, I do.” You said, pressing your palms against her desk. “But do not, ever, ask my husband to do anything like that again.” 

“(Y/N), I-.”

You shook your head. “When we sat together over a year ago and talked about killing Negan, I was with you. And I still am. I want him dead, and I want you to be the one to do it because I know how much you need it. And I will stand by you, and then I will tell you that it’s time to let go. But for Daryl, he doesn’t let go of things like that. He can’t. Not the way you and I can. And the way you executed Gregory, the way that you asked Daryl to do it for you, he’s going to sit with it. Even if he doesn’t say it.”

Maggie stared at you. 

“Please, Maggie. Don’t ask him something like that again. You get Jesus to do it, or Alden, or whoever. But don’t ask Daryl. Not him. This wasn’t his mess to clean.”

Maggie nodded very slowly and stood up. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I guess I’m just used to… to him doing stuff like this.”

“I know, I know. Me too.” You looked at her. “But the saviors, being at the Sanctuary, it took a piece of him that I’ve been working at bringing it back for over a year. And I’m close. He’s laughing more; he talks about his feelings more with me. And if I’m… if I am pregnant, I need him put together. I won’t be. I can do whatever you need from him. I will do it. But he needs to heal right now. And he’s already too stressed about how shit is falling apart and Rick not noticing.” 

Your cousin sighed loudly and rounded the desk to give you a hug. She held you tight and kissed your head. “I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry. I will talk to him. I promise.” 

“No, don’t. Just let it be.” You said as you hugged her back. “I’m sorry for yelling.”

Maggie laughed and looked at you. “You’re protecting your husband. I’d be worried if you didn’t yell.”

That made you laugh loudly, and you shook your head. “Husband. I still can’t believe it. I think that was the first time I called him that.”

“Far cry from your college years.” Maggie retorted. “I remember being in highschool just eating up your stories.”

“Oh God, don’t ever tell Daryl any of those stories.” You rubbed your forehead. 

Maggie crossed her arms as she smiled. “I don’t think you were this happy with Liam.”

“Why?”

“You’re a different person with Daryl. You’re freer. You’re yourself. When you were with Liam, and I know you loved him, but you were… just a little different. With Daryl, you’re you. It’s hard to explain.”

You nodded slowly and bit your thumbnail. “Would I be a terrible person if I said I care for Daryl more than I did with Liam? Not that I didn’t love him. But you’re right. With Daryl, it’s just different. It’s deeper. I literally trust him with my life. When I fell yesterday through the glass, I wasn’t scared cause I thought I would die. I knew Daryl would save me.”

“You’re not a terrible person. Remember Kenneth, the guy I thought I was madly in love with. Nothing compared to how I felt for Glenn.”

“Liam died for me, though. And I did love him.”

“I think you’re comparing your feelings wrong. Before the world went to shit, you were a different person. That person suited Liam perfectly. Now you’re you, and you and Daryl suit each other.”

You nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“You wanna be pregnant?”

You put your hand on your stomach. “I don’t know. Daryl wants it. I know he does, even though he says he’d be fine with whatever. After Lucas…” You trailed off. It was the first time you said your son’s name out loud. 

Maggie frowned. “I can’t imagine how hard it is right now. But things work out the way you’re supposed to. You might not be. You might be someday.”

Just then, Hershel started crying, and you jumped, not realizing he’d been in here. You bid goodnight to Maggie and thanked her for talking--you needed it. Then, you headed out of the house and back towards your tent. 

The community was quiet as you walked through it, and the only person you passed was Jesus, whom you quickly said goodnight to. When your tent came into view, you sighed with relief and quicked your pace. 

When you walked in, Daryl was sitting on the flimsy mattress, cleaning out his crossbow. After zipping up the tent, you walked over to him, moving the crossbow away from him and sitting on his lap. 

“Ya okay?” He asked you. 

You nodded and set your head in the crook of his neck, and breathed him in. “You’re perfect.” You whispered. You felt him shake his head and then kiss yours. You leaned back and cupped his cheeks. “We’re perfect.” 

“What ya sayin’ this crap for?”

Smiling, you moved your hands to the back of his head. “Because I love you. And because that’s what I think.”

“I think ya spent too much time in the sun today darlin', ain’ perfect.”

“You are. To me. Even though you can be a bit of an asshole and are an old man.” 

Daryl rolled his eyes, and you chuckled before giving him a quick kiss. Then, after a few seconds, his grip around you tightened. “I love ya too, darlin’.”

[sketchy-rosewitch]

A Wolf, Sheep, and Rabbit Walk into a Bedroom: Bo Sinclair x afab!reader x Carly Jones

Warnings: dubcon, fingering, PinV, eating out, FFM, Bo is abusive.

A/N: THIS ONE TOOK FOREVER TOO JESUS CHRIST BUT YES FINALLY CARLY AND READER AND BO FUCKING HELL YEAAAAA

You heard her crying a few nights ago. At first you ignored her and continued talking to Bo but her muffled screams started to interrupt your thought process. Bo tried so hard to change the subject. Then he got pissed and went down there to ‘fix something.’ Then it was quiet.

You could still hear her yelling for help inside your head when you went to sleep that night. Still heard her voice as you made coffee. You heard her strained screams as you showered.

You just kept hearing her. You knew there was a man in Vincent’s basement. He was around the same age as you. You’d seen him multiple times. A fighter he was, attempting to leave the house every time you’d seen him. Vincent usually caught him, dragged him back to the basement. His name was Nick.

Now you wanted to know who was in Bo’s basement.

He told you to never go down there. Not if you didn’t want to be strapped to the chair again. Thing was there was an easy loophole, you couldn’t be strapped back in if someone else was already there.

That’s what you kept telling yourself as you made your way down there.

You unlock the door with the key you found sitting on the frame of it and push it open.

A girl around your age is strapped to the chair. Her eyes are tired yet big as you slowly shut the door and walk over to her.

Her mouth is glued shut and her screams are muffled because of it.

You furrow your brows at the noises she makes and put your finger to your lips, getting annoyed at all of her moving too you walk over and look at her restraints.

“You’re very pretty.” Is all you can say as you look at her puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

Her hair curled nicely over her shoulders and her eyes were a pretty blue. They were warmer than Bo’s blue eyes. Seemed friendlier too, even though right now all you read from them was fear.

“Are you going to scream if I get the glue off your lips?”

The girl’s eyes look like they’ll pop out of her head as you say that. She shakes her head aggressively. You can practically hear her begging, ‘No! No I won’t! I’ll be good!”

“You promise? Cause I’ll get in trouble if you do.”

You watch as she holds out her pinky. You smile and take it in yours and kiss your fist.

Maybe she could stay for a bit. Be your friend. You really did need a friend. Yeah Vincent and Lester were nice but they were also Bo’s brothers and you couldn’t gossip about anything to Bo’s brothers, not without Bo finding out. You learned that the hard way.

She seemed like she could keep a secret.

You walk towards the bathroom and grab a dingy rag and cup. You turn on the water, making sure the water was hot.

Honestly you were lucky the water even got this hot. Bo was smart like that though. Knew how to fix things, make them the way he wanted.

The water burns your skin, you flinch and pull away, grabbing the cup you fill it and make your way back to the woman.

You dip a corner of the rag in and bring it to her lips, wiping with just enough force not to hurt.

Tears well in her eyes, you watch as a few escape.

“It’s okay.” You say, wiping them away gently. “Bo never glued my lips shut. Must’ve really pissed him off. You must be a fighter like the guy at the house.”

Her face changes, she looks at you confused. “Nick.” You reply. “That’s his name, he tried to escape. Vincent has him in the basement, he’s tied to his bed. I used to be tied to a bed too. Right there.” You point across the room. “Then I found out Bo loves me. So I started being nice and he liked that a lot. So then he let me be his.” You smile thinking about how he slow let you have freedoms. “Maybe if you end up being nice he’ll let you out of the chair too. Then we can be friends!”

Half of her lips were already done. “When I come back down here. I’ll get you some chapstick. Hopefully Bo won’t glue them shut again.”

You stare at her puffy lips, your face heats up at how pretty they are. Your fingers graze over them.

“Can you talk now?”

“Yes.” The answer comes out slightly slurred because of the other part of her lips being shut.

“Good. What’s your name?”

“Carly.” She answers. the rest of the glue comes off easily.

“You have such a pretty name.” You say, setting the rag down. “You’re very pretty. I can see why Bo wanted you and didn’t tell me.” A sad smile comes across your face. “Kinda sad he didn’t tell me. You seem so lovely, it’d be nice to have a friend.”

Sure you could call Vincent and Lester your friends but you can’t exactly tell them everything that happens between you and Bo. You also can’t complain about Bo either, you’re sure they’d kill you or tell Bo. Maybe both.

The basement door swings open.

“Goddamnit! I told you not to come down here!”

You let out a small yelp in surprise at Bo.

“I’m sorry. I was just curious…” A hopeful and innocent smile comes across your face. “Can her and I be friends? It gets lonely and-” Bo’s face reads disgust as he walks up to you.

“You need to start listening to me. I don’t keep you around so you can go and start doin’ things behind my back. Get your ass upstairs.” Bo growls through his teeth. Your body lets a shiver go down your spine. On the verge of tears you listen. As you leave the room Carly begins yelling at Bo. The last thing you hear before shutting the door is a, “Don’t talk to them that way!” From Carly.

-

Bo walks into the house just as you finish aggressively cleaning the kitchen counters trying to make the place feel clean before he decides to find any more issues to be mad at you about.

“Hey.” You practically whisper. Bo walks up to you.

“You been good since you got back up here?” He asks, you nod your head and gesture with your hands.

“I-I spent the time cleaning up a bit. Uh, You-you didn’t hurt Carly did you?”

Your body flinches as he walks up to you. “Nothin’ you can do if I did. I tell you right now, you need to stop bringin’ her up.” His voice is low and threatening making a shiver run up your spine. Something inside of you urges for you to keep going. If you want something you need to ask. Screw it if it gets you hurt.

“Can she be my friend? I want a friend Bo. I don’t have any.”

Your voice sounds childish, like you’re a kid asking for a puppy that they know will end up running away the first chance it gets.

“You have Lester and Vincent. Carly will fill your head with nonsense. It’s not happenin’.”

You watch as Bo huffs and grabs a plate of dinner you’d made for him. You begin to grow irritated. Bo just doesn’t understand does he?

“What like running away?” A pout comes across your face, you cross your arms. Your eyes watch as Bo’s knuckles turn white. “If I wanted to do that I would’ve already tried. I don’t want to, I just want someone else to talk to. Carly is so pretty she seems so nice. If she tries to make plans to run away I’ll tell you! You know I love you Bo, stop acting like I don’t!” You stamp your foot onto the tile floor. Bo glares at you.

“Stop actin’ like a damn child.”

“Stop treating me like one then! Just let me please. Just for a little bit. You can kill her whenever you want to after. I just want to talk to someone else. Please Bo.” You beg, he sighs and shakes his head looking up absolutely annoyed.

“Fine. But if I think anythin’ is goin’ on it’s done. I’ll kill both of you.”

Ignoring the last part you smile widely and kiss his cheek, thanking him over and over again.

-

“I brought you another change of clothes and some makeup!”

It’s been over a month since you met Carly. She had moved from the chair to the grimy mattress across the room.

At first she tried to convince you to let her go, even come with her. But you told her how loving Bo could be and that you didn’t want to leave him and that she couldn’t leave either because she knew too much. Then she quieted down after that, she told you about her life before this, how she had an internship for a fashion magazine, she had a boyfriend named Wade and all of her friends, him and her brother were on their way to a football game.

She told you how she liked sports and used to play volleyball and softball in High School.

You told her you had a boyfriend before Bo too, but your boyfriend hated you and how much better Bo had been towards you. You left out how he used to hit you and still gets pissed if tiny screwups happened but that didn’t matter when he still cuddled you, hugged and kissed you, complimented you. He does it all.

You admitted you didn’t remember what you were doing for school before Ambrose but it also didn’t matter because you were happier here.

She began to loosen up and when she told you that Nick was her brother you promised to keep her updated. So far, the man was still alive and he didn’t try to fight or escape anymore.

You told her where Blake, Dalton, Paige and Blake were and comforted her when she cried. She was pretty when she cried.

Eventually you started to feel bad the fourth week, realizing you had a crush on Carly. You didn’t tell Bo, too afraid he’d take her away, but you couldn’t help yourself. She was so pretty, she felt like some goddess to you. So you made some offerings to her.

First was switching her form the chair to the bed, then you tended her wounds, then let her shower (with your supervision), after that you gave her new clothes, and finally you were giving her makeup she requested.

“Thank you. You’re so sweet.”

You sit on the mattress cross legged and watch as she picks out a few palletes, some blush and some lipstick, everything is neutral or pink.

Your eyes focus on every small detail she does, from the eye makeup to the contouring. You see how red her face gets even without the blush. She stares up at you.

“You’re so beautiful Carly.” You say. She lets out a nervous laugh and goes back to her makeup. “I’m serious. I wanna take you out some time.” Leaning in, you kiss her cheek lightly. You don’t process your actions until the dirty blonde stops what she’s doing completely and looks at you almost startled. “I’m sorr-“ Carly is quick to cut you off.

“You mean outside, like, on a date?” She points towards the door. Anxiety tightens in your chest. You feel breathless.

“I- no, yes? I dunno I just- don’t tell Bo. Please I gotta go.”

Flustered, you run out the door and slam it behind you, she yells for you but you ignore her, rushing away. You run into Bo when you reach the church, slamming into his broad chest. You’re heaving, on the brink of tears. The brunet being in front of you doesn’t help.

“Woah, woah, honeysuckle. Hey what’s wrong?” He asks, talking you in his arms. You let out a sob and try and push him off of you. You’re a bad person, such a dirty cheater. “Hun. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

“I can’t! No!”

“Did Carly do something?” Bo’s grip tightens around your upper arms. You shake your head.

“No! I did and you’re going to kill me for it!” Again you try and push the older man off of you. He doesn’t let go.

“Did you let her go?”

“No!”

“Then what the fuck did you do?!”

The whole world seems to go quiet as you sink slowly to the ground. “I cheated on you. I have feelings for Carly and I kissed her on the cheek. But I still love you and stuff I- Bo I’m such a bad person!”

“Jesus Christ, this is the shit you’re crying over? Get up.” He grabs your arm hauling you up. “Sittin’ here actin’ like I don’t know what the fuck is happening between you and her. Don’t be stupid. Think I didn’t start planning shit out after I agreed to let you be ‘friends’ with her? I wanted her to be ours. I didn’t tell you cause you’re stupid enough to tell her.” Bo explains. His grip seems to loosen, you look down like a child who has been scolded. “You want her so badly you’re gonna have her. But you’re havin’ me too.” Bo growls, you let out a small gasp.

“Really? You aren’t mad. I- cause I do I want both of you!” You wipe your tears and hug Bo. He nods his head and you can tell he’s rolling his eyes right now.

-

Your lips finally meet Carly’s soft plump ones as you hover over her. Her hands cup your face and Bo’s feel your ass as he slowly pulls your shorts down. A small strand of saliva connects you and Carly as you part and Carly sits up kissing Bo this time.

You pull her tank top down and kiss her neck moving down to her breasts, one hand pinches and tugs at her nipple and your mouth latches onto her other one making her let out a yelp. You feel Bo as he rubs your ass before smacking it lightly causing you to moan.

“We gonna take good care of ‘em?” He asks, you look up and see Carly and Bo staring at you.

“Yeah and they’re gonna take good care of us.”

Bo moves behind you and you feel a finger going into your cunt making a small gasp escape you. Carly, now on her knees takes this moment to grab your face and kiss you messily again.

You moan lightly. Bo kisses your lower back softly causing a shiver to go up your spine. “Ya like that?”

You let go of her lips again and she kisses your jaw. “Yeah..”

Another finger slides in making you groan as he curls them in you. You hear Bo unzip his pants and watch as Carly lays back spreading her legs. You lean down, arching your back and spreading your legs more so you have easier access to Carly.

Bo’s fingers leave your cunt and you let out a small whine.

“It’s okay. You’re gettin’ something a lot better.” He says, his cock head slides between your folds getting himself slick with you. Then he slides in slowly and you feel as he stretches you out. Your mouth hangs open and Bo leans over top of you, pushing your face into Carly’s pussy. “Go ahead and taste her for me honey.”

You do just that, licking up her tangy slick. Your mouth sucks on her clit and you feel as her hand replaces Bo’s, grabbing your head softly. “Baby..” She moans pushing your face into her more. Your fingers dip into her pussy making wet noises as you curl them. She moans and arches her back.

“Ain’t they good at usin’ their mouth?” Bo grunts as he fucks deeply into you. You squeeze around him. “You like compliments huh? You a good dog?”

“God they’re so good.”

You whimper into her cunt and start to lick faster desperate to satisfy her. Bo fucks harder into you groaning loudly, his hands gripping your waist, likely to cause bruises. He kisses your back more and Carly grips your hair. She grinds against you and lets out the loudest moan you’ve ever heard, her legs shake and she puts more pressure. You lick faster until she pushes you off of her, you watch as she gathers herself. “Look at you. You’re so good at satisfying everyone.” Bo mumbles. Carly sits back up and kisses you deeply, licking and tasting herself all over you.

Your orgasm breaks through you, and you cry into her mouth, Bo not slowing down for a second. Your hands try and grab something to stabilize yourself as Bo groans and spurts into your cunt. You keep pulsing around him and whining.

Bo let’s go and you fall forward. Carly grabs you and brings you to her pillows, Bo spooning you and rubbing her dirty blond hair. “Didn’t they do so good?”

“Yeah. They did.” Carly kisses your forward and you whine.

“Told you they’d fall for you.” Bo mumbles. You furrow your brows, hearing as Bo flicks his lighter. Carly runs her thumb between your brows causing you to relax.

“Shut up.”

[blackorechan]

CHAPTER REVIEW: AUGUST 2023

so, this month's chapter is entitled "BLACK MULTIVERSE", and it is our spiderverse parody. this has been a really anticipated chapter by basically everyone ever since corocoro dropped the vague summary of "different versions of black meet up"

which we thought would be something like B meeting black, or something more along those lines.

however this is a corocoro publication so it's batshit insane. this my review of the august 2023 chapter of black channel, BLACK MULTIVERSE

just like last time, panels have been edited for ease of reading the review and for flavor

so, yes this is a spiderverse parody. some characters loosely fill roles from the first spiderverse movie, but ultimately this is just the marvel blueprint for alternate universes colliding, but with black channel!

there are six AU versions of black in this chapter, but first of all let's see how we got here.

satoshi is signing another dumb contract, at least actually signing it of his own free will this time. he is receiving an item that allows him to effectively control his future by micromanaging his actions, which impact the greater multiverse

since life is a fucking nightmare for satoshi, the deal goes wrong, and the actual entire multiverse breaks when satoshi tries to view the potential outcomes for playing a gashapon machine.

satoshi wakes up and meets one of the six black AU selves we'll meet this chapter, a high school girl titled "JK BLACK"! HOWEVER, this design is not new. it first appeared in a plott thumbnail where black was catfishing a ten year old on an mmo by having an anime girl avatar, and JK black here was born!

so there IS a fanon name for this design, ブラ子 (burako / blako). i'm more used to calling this character burako, but i'll be calling her JK black for this post. outside of this i might call her burako tho

JK black and satoshi butt heads a bit as satoshi tries to track down his universe's black, only for them to meet the next black...

'NEGATIVE BLACK', a depressed old man who does onothing but chainsmoke and complain about how bored and tired he is. this is his thing. he complains and smokes

he doesn't do anything this entire chapter but sit around, look pathetic, and smoke.

soon enough, we meet the third one, DINO-BLACK. he's a fucking dinosaur. this can be interpreted as this being a universe where black made the conscious decision to become a dinosaur.

JK black explains earlier in the chapter that the multiverse essentially rolls the dice on gender when someone is born, which explains why some of the other au blacks are girls. this does NOT, however, explain why dino-black is a dinosaur.

i have to be real with you i do not have the resources or energy to explain what KARAKURI BLACK's deal is. he's a war general robot thing and there's a lot of layers to what's being lost by my inability to explain him in depth

in my defense my gf is literally in bed next to me as i write this

we have BABY BLACK, who is a flat 2d cartoon baby version of black very clearly inspired by powerpuff girls.

this one talks like, well, a baby. maybe a 3-4 year old? this one's a baby. there's not much to say about him otherwise except he's like the littlest fucking thing

and then there's...... SEXY BLACK

who is black, if he was a woman with huge tits who only cared about money. femme fatale thief black. satoshi is immediately freaked out by her because she's the least similar to black in satoshi's eyes, and this apparently includes the dinosaur

satoshi hops in between everyone, and begs them to help him find his universe's black....

...and swiftly learns that there's really no amount of multiverse fuckery that can make black stop being, at his very core, the smug motherfucker he is.

by the time all the different AUs agree to help satoshi, he finds out they're all flying off to their deaths and leaving him behind. poor satoshi

VERDICT: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST (AFFECTIONATE)

so, we all had specific expectations of this chapter. the literal only person i know who got anything about this chapter right based off the limited information we got about the story, did so because he made an offhand joke to tease me about if one of the new black AUs was an old man. dead serious only prediction that was correct that i saw anywhere

we all expected B meeting black, or anime + manga + other(?) black, or that kinda thing, and we got a fully crafted spiderverse parody. what is wrong with this fucking series. please. i love it

[separatist-apologist]

Super random but did you ever read the from blood and ash series? If yes what did you think?

Every like, 500 new followers someone asks me this and I cackle every time. EVERY. TIME.

Did I read FBAA + the book that came next? Yes. Yes, because booktok hyped them up as comparable to ACOTAR and I was brand new to booktok and didn't realize you can't trust any recommendations from there. I read FBAA and it was bad, but the ending picked up and I thought that maybe it was just a rough start and the rest of the series would be like the last 50 pages.

And I bought the next two books in the series but I only read the second ones. I honestly have nothing good to say about these books. Like, if you like positive reviews or you enjoy the series, look away.

JLA is not a good writer. Everyone hypes up her banter and I was reading it via voice note to my best friend while we laughed, it was so cringe, so bad. The world building is so poorly fleshed out and so badly considered that I don't know anyone who truly understands the world or the magic system or ANYTHING.

Sheltered teenage girl who is terribly stupid but somehow a master assassin blah blah blah, it's such a ridiculous premise. Poppy is literally too dumb to live and yet I'm supposed to believe the powers that be somehow didn't notice her sword lessons? Or her running all over the place? She's sneaky enough to get into a brothel but not smart enough to steal even one history book from the library?

So instead she's asking 800 questions about the world. It's repetitive and a frustrating way to learn things. I also hate the whole "oh no I have a scar therefore im SOOoooOOOOOooOOO ugly" like jesus christ shut the fuck up. I'm begging authors to stop doing this. Literally, having to listen to a million descriptions of how beautiful she is minus this one tiny flaw like I can't do it.

Sex in the snow was bad enough, but in the ashes of someones dead body? Everyone shut the fuck up forever about Rhysand and Feyre in that war tent. You don't know how bad it could be. A battle is literally raging around them and they take the time to fuck over that lady's body, I almost rage quit.

Poppy, who has magic, becomes even more overly powered and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she uses that power maybe once, and we never learn a lot about it. Just more magic, more magical backstory set against 500 pages of nothing and then 50 pages of all the plot all at once. The second book is so stagnant it's painful. I DNF'd, I won't read another. Seeing how mad everyone was at the last book was like, thank you. These books are shitty start to finish and I'm tired of having to pretend that they're good. If you like them, fine. No one said you can't. But enjoying something doesn't make it good.

[gotta-get-back-to-hatchetfield]

So I know what's going on in Gaza right now is absolutely horrific and I completely understand and support the strength of feeling but jesus christ I keep seeing so much blatant misinformation and things that are clearly antisemitic dogwhistles if you have even a cursory understanding of the situation showing up on my dash (I don't explicitly dont even follow activist/political blogs or tags so I imagine other people are seeing even more).

I don't know if it's just because lots of people are younger so haven't learned as much or if this is the rumoured 'Americans don't know anything about other countries' phenomenon actually being true but please I am begging you to at least have a read through of some wikipedia articles about the history, or any articles put out by actual experts/relatively neutral news sources on the topic.

Trst me you will likely still have the same perspectives after doing this (hell even if you only look at the BBC coverage of it your key takeaway will still be 'hey what the fuck this is horrific') but you will just be coming at it from a much much more accurate and nuanced perspective and are less likely to be reblogging misinformation and extremely unhelpful/actively dangerous rhetoric.

[whiteclericmaris]

Greetings! Today we have a pick a card solely with the Keep Calm and Trust GOD deck. How this goes is that you choose one of the cards above. Today we have Saint Mother Theresa for pile 1, Our Lady of Loreto for pile 2, and Saint Raphael Archangel for pile 3. An encouragement from spirit lately when it comes to these is that if anyone does something similar it is to choose a pile before the reading proceeds. Are you ready? Let's Begin.

Pile #1

Greetings pile number one. If you were drawn to this pile you will notice that it is Saint Mother Theresa. Oh wow pile number 1, I get the feeling that some of you have been praying for someone with the way Mother Theresa is posed. There is also a sense of cleaning ugly messes and even energy as I get the vision of someone struggling in darkness. Your prayers will be answered pile number 1. Also start re-evaluating how you pray. Don't take advantage of others and repay them in service.

We have the Bible Verse from Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your GOD; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand". Behind it is the Bible verse from Philemon 4:19 "GOD will meet all your needs according to His glory in Christ Jesus."

Pile number one, some of you know not GOD. It's as if you get involved with your life thinking religion has nothing to do within society when it is immensely important. You might even go being Atheist to a point. I can guarantee you that GOD is real and can be found through the sacred scriptures of the Bible. But some of you refute GOD isn't in your life. Just because you ignore or blind yourself from the religious symbolism does not mean that it isn't around. Also you need to get involve in BEING closer to Jesus. If being inside of a church bothers you for any reason I recommend looking up and reading the Bible. It's free online with different versions and there are apps for it like OliveTree. Also note that you chose Mother Theresa who did a lot of non profit work through volunteering. I ask that you volunteer your time to a service.

That is all pile number 1. Take care and learn to grow closer to GOD.

Pile number 2

You chose Our Lady of San Loreto. Ah, there is a twnder warmth as I get the image of the hand close to her heart. Some of you appear to have been to a point of begging as I get the image of a woman saying "I'm begging..." The angels are all around and listening as Our Lady of San Loreto is pictured with angels. When a BEING prays there will be an answer with what some of you might call your circumstances. The angels are helping you pile number 2 and their message is "Learn to behave" Reflect on your behavior. Some of you are in Santa's nice list. Give grace to GOD .

Your card is the same card as pile number 1.

Bible verse Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your GOD; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

There is an emphasis on Bible verse Philemon 4: 19 "GOD will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus." I ask you to attend mass pile number 2. Not just to learn Jesus' words. You can read them on your own with Bible apps or even free online things starting with Matthew. Start getting closer to GOD. He is all around.

That is all pile number 2.

Pile #3

You chose Archangel Saint Rafael. Ah some of you need upliftment from some obstacles. The season of fall in the Northern Hemisphere began briefly in September and the nights are getting longer as the days pass. You need grounding pile number 3. Attend a mass and send a light.

We have the Bible Verse 2 Peter 1:2 "Grace and peace be yours in abundance."

Peace be with you pile number 3. Know that the challenges are gonna be smooth now that we are in Autumn in the northern hemisphere. Tis the season to prepare for the upcoming Winter as it snows and there is cold air.

I don't have much to say to you pile number 3. You earned this!

[lesfeldickbiblestudy]

  Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 1 * PART 3 * BOOK 71 ALAS, THE DAY OF THE LORD IS AT HAND - 3 Joel 1:1-15 Okay, good to see everybody in this afternoon. Again, for those of you joining us on television, we would just like to invite you to an informal Bible study.  That’s why we’ve got coffee cups and what have you.  We just want to be like a home Bible study where we can just fellowship together and learn to search the Scriptures.  That’s all I can beg people – just search the Scriptures!  If you haven’t got a good study Bible, go out and buy one.  That’d be the best money you’ve ever spent. Okay, we’re spending the afternoon on what Joel said way back in the Old Testament, 800 years before Christ, when he used the term “the day of the LORD.”  The day of the LORD is that last seven years of time before Christ returns and sets up His Kingdom. Okay, as we are looking now at “the day of the LORD,” we’ve been coming up through the Old Testament a few portions.  Now I’m going to jump into the New.  Come with me to Matthew 24 and, oh, these are the words of the Lord Jesus Himself toward the end of His earthly ministry. The Twelve are getting curious.  How is all this going to come to an end?  They understood that He was going to be bringing in the Kingdom.  But as yet in Matthew 24, they don’t know He’s going to be crucified and die, but they do realize that there’s an end to this human program that had started – well, at their point in time – 4,000 years before, and now it’s 6,000 years since Adam.    All right Matthew 24 and we’ll start at verse 1. Matthew 24:1 “And Jesus went out, and departed from the temple: and his disciples came to him for to show him the buildings of the temple.” Which, you’ve got to understand, the Temple wasn’t just one little building.  It was a whole complex.  It involved a lot of various activities.  In fact, I think a lot of the apartments of the priests and so forth were involved in that Temple complex. Matthew 24:2 “And Jesus  said unto them, see ye not all these things?  verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down.” Which of course happened when the Romans came in A.D. 70, forty years later.  The Romans literally took the Temple down, stone by stone. Matthew 24:3-4 “And as he sat upon the Mount of Olives, the disciples (the Twelve, nobody else) came unto him privately, (In other words, no press of crowds or anything like that.)  saying, Tell us, when shall these things be?  and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and the end of the Age? 4. And Jesus answered and said unto them, (Now, here He begins unfolding the events that will roll through those seven years of Tribulation.  And the first warning was--) Take heed that no man deceive you.” Be not deceived.  So, that tells us that verse 5 is already happening. Matthew 24:5 “For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; (or the Christ, the Messiah, the Anointed) and shall deceive many.”  Now, I just made the comment, I hope I didn’t confuse you.  These are all things that will take place as soon as the Tribulation or the day of the LORD begins.  It’s going to be a tremendous outpouring of satanic deception, but we’re seeing the beginnings of it. You remember, I think in my last taping I mentioned this. I know I did in several of the seminars around the country. You remember when the Pharisees and the Sadducees taunted Jesus about end-time events and so forth, and what was Jesus’ response?  Oh, He said, “you hypocrites, you can look at the sky and predict tomorrow’s weather, but you cannot discern the signs of the times.” Well, I’ve been using that for the last twelve months or so as I travel to wake people up.  What are the signs of the times, the signs that the end is near?  Well, the number one sign for us today is the return of Israel to the land.  That is the number one sign of the times!  Because we know that you can have no end-time prophecy until Israel is back in the land.  So there you are.

The same way here, Jesus is warning the Twelve that there’s going to be coming a time of deception like the human race has never seen before.  Now again, remember what we showed on the timeline, that all these prophecies were going to come one right after the other. Even after Christ is crucified and He’s raised from the dead, He’ll go back to Glory.  Then in would come the day of the LORD, those final seven years, and then Christ would return and yet set up the Kingdom.  I guess we’ve got it up there on the board, that’s the Old Testament line of prophecy. Now remember, keep the Church Age out, because that is not revealed until we get to the Apostle Paul.  Okay, so one of the signs of the Tribulation would be a great influx of false messiahs.  And He says they shall call themselves Christ. Matthew 24:5b-6 “…and shall deceive many.  6. And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.”  Now, I feel that the wars and rumors of wars that He’s talking about here are what we talked about in the last program, when the Russian invasion will come in the very first year of the Tribulation.  All of a sudden that euphoria of peace is blown away with this tremendous horde from the North.  And Israel, especially, will be suddenly bereft of any peace, because the land is covered with foreigners. Matthew 24:7 “For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.”  Again, we’re seeing just a little bit of the beginning of this, but He’s speaking of the real thing.  This is the future of those final seven years.  All right, verse 8. Matthew 24:8-9a “All these (the famines, the pestilence, the earthquakes) are the beginning of sorrows. (That’s at the very first year or so of the seven) 9. Then they shall deliver you up to be afflicted,…”  Now, who are the “you”?  Israel.  The Jews.  And listen, anti-Semitism is just compounding by the week.  The world is hating the Jew more and more every day.  So we’re already seeing the signs of this. Matthew 24:9b-10 “…they will afflict you, and they shall kill you:  and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake.  (They won’t even have America as a friend or ally once the Tribulation begins.) 10. And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, (Because of the pressures of hatred and persecution, one will tell on another.) and shall hate one another.”  Matthew 24:11 “And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.”  See, it’s going to be a satanic deception that will overcome even the work of the Holy Spirit, who I feel will stay on the earth after we’re gone. Matthew 24:12-13 “And because iniquity (wickedness) shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. (In other words, they’ll just turn against anything spiritual.) 13. But he that shall endure to the end shall be saved.”  Physically—they’re going to come to the end of the seven years, and goodness sakes, they’re still alive!  They haven’t been martyred.  They haven’t been killed.  They’re alive.  All right, that’s what He’s speaking of, that “those who endure to the end shall be saved.”   Physically!   We’re not talking about a spiritual salvation in that verse, as I can see, at all. Matthew 24:14 “And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.” Now in verse 14, yes, during the Tribulation, the 144,000 of Revelation 7 will be preaching not the Gospel of the Grace of God, but they’re going to be preaching “the gospel of the kingdom.” Now, I know that gets people all bent out of shape when I proclaim that there are two Gospels in the New Testament.  They’re not active today, of course not.  We only have the Gospel of the Grace of God today.  But in Christ’s earthly ministry and Peter and the Twelve, they preached what Jesus calls “the Gospel of the Kingdom.” And the Gospel of the Kingdom was the good news of the King.

  The Grace of God is the good news of the finished work of the cross.  Big difference. All right, so when the Church is gone and the Gospel of Grace ends, the 144,000 will go around the world preaching again the gospel of the Kingdom.  And I don’t know why that’s so hard for people to swallow.  But it is.  Boy, I get more complaints on that than anything else.  But here it is, “The gospel of the kingdom, (not the Gospel of the Grace of God) shall be preached in all the world.” And the Gospel of the Kingdom was believing that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, along with repentance of sins and water baptism to get ready to set up the earthly Kingdom.  Whereas today in Grace we believe in our hearts for salvation that Jesus died for us, was buried, and rose again as we see in I Corinthians 15:1-4.  Now, I take this approach.  I don’t mind if people disagree. Just this last week I had a couple of calls where they disagreed on something so far removed from the gospel that it’s not even funny.  I said, “Now look, if I’m right and you’re wrong or you’re right and I’m wrong, is that going to determine our eternal destiny?” “No.” “Well, then it really doesn’t matter, does it?”   And that’s where it’s at.  If it doesn’t affect our salvation, our eternal destiny, hey, we can have some disagreements.  That doesn’t bother me a bit.  It’s moot.  What difference does it make? For example, you know there are those who think the world is 120 million years old.  And others say, no, it’s only six thousand.  You know what I say?  What difference does it make?  Does it make any difference?  You know, I tell geologists, oil people, does it make any difference where you tell your engineers to drill if the world’s 200 million years old or if it’s six thousand?  Well, no.  So, it doesn’t make a bit of difference, does it?  Yet they can get all bent out of shape. Well, the same way here.  We have this Gospel of the Kingdom that Jesus and the Twelve proclaimed to Israel, and the 144,000 are going to take that same Gospel of the Kingdom around the world during the Tribulation. The Church is gone, the Gospel of Grace is ended, and multitudes are going to be saved by the Gospel of the Kingdom.  God’s Sovereign.  He can do it any way He wants.  So, yes, those 144,000 are going to fulfill the Great Commission like no one has ever even come close. All right, now verse 15; here we come to the mid-point of those seven years.  Now, I’m going to make that as a separate series of references in a little bit.  I’m first looking at the physical things concerning the Tribulation: the horrors, the death, and the destruction.  Then we’re going to look at the time element that it is indeed seven years. And then we’re going to look at the personalities that are involved - the anti-Christ and the False Prophet and so forth. So we may not get finished this afternoon.  We’ll continue next month.  But, here in verse 15, now, the Lord Jesus is continuing on through the seven years of Tribulation. He reaches the mid-point, and He says in verse 15- Matthew 24:15a “When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet,…”  Now, let’s go back and see what Daniel wrote.  It’s the only way we can do it.  Come back to Daniel chapter 9.  This is the confirmation that Daniel knew exactly what he was talking about when he wrote by inspiration in prophecy, Daniel chapter 9, we have to drop down to verse 24.  Now remember why I’m coming here.  The Lord Jesus is using this portion of Scripture to define the events of those final seven years that are coming.  And remember, He doesn’t give any hint that there was 2,000 years of the Church Age in between all this.  It was all just going to keep coming.  Always remember that the Old Testament knew nothing of the Church Age.  It knew nothing of our Gospel of Grace.  Everything in the Old Testament was dealing with Israel and the Messiah, her coming King, and an earthly Kingdom.   All right, but now here’s Daniel, who by Holy Spirit inspiration writes, starting at verse 24:

Daniel 9:24a “Seventy weeks (of years or seventy sevens or 490 years) are determined (in God’s program, now) upon thy people (Israel) and upon thy holy city, to finish the transgression, and to make an end of sins, and to make reconciliation for iniquity, and to bring in everlasting righteousness,…”  That is the Kingdom. In other words, 490 years are going to take place from a point back here in the Old Testament. It’s going to be between the 400 and the 600 B.C., right about in 454 B.C. when Nehemiah was given the command to go back and rebuild the city wall around Jerusalem.  That’s what it’s based on.  From that point until Christ would be crucified would be 483 years.  And then there would be another seven years, and it would bring in the 1,000 year Kingdom.  So, 490 years would be involved fulfilling the Old Testament, Christ’s coming, the seven years of Tribulation, and the Kingdom.  That’s the 490 years that are determined upon the Nation of Israel.  Okay, now as you come down through verse 25, he breaks it down. Daniel 9:25a “Know therefore and understand, that from the going forth of the commandment (to Nehemiah to go back and rebuild the wall) to restore and to build Jerusalem unto the Messiah the Prince shall be seven weeks, and three score and two weeks:…” And that’s for a total of 483 years from Nehemiah until the crucifixion.  Four hundred and eighty three years.  But the whole prophecy is 490.  So, we’ve got seven years left that has never been fulfilled.  All right, now you come on down through verse 26. Daniel 9:26a “(After the 483 years) And after threescore and two weeks shall Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: (In other words, He died for us.  He didn’t die because He deserved it.  And then here comes the prophecy.) and the people of the prince that shall come,...”  Now, the prince that shall come will be the personality that we’re going to look at sooner or later, the anti-Christ, and he’s going to come out of the Roman Empire. Now again, I always like to use my timeline. As you come up through the Old Testament from 600 B.C. until you get to the time of Christ, you have the Babylonian Empire, the Mede and Persian Empire, the Greek Empire, and then the Roman Empire.  And you all know that Rome was part and parcel of the crucifixion. All right, so out of the Roman Empire then, in the prophecy line of the Old Testament, would come the anti-Christ, because Rome is over all of this.  Now remember, I’ve got to keep this Church Age out of here.  I should have made a second timeline, I guess, but whatever, I didn’t. So now we’re going to use this line strictly as the seven years of Tribulation, which we’ve got here.  Forget about the Church Age – for now.  That’s just not involved in our Old Testament line of prophecy.  Just keep it out of your mind for the time being.  Then we’re going to drop down and look at those seven years on a larger scale timeline. Okay, continue on with Daniel chapter 9, once again, verse 26. Daniel 9:26b “…after Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: and the people of the prince that shall come shall destroy the city (And we know that Rome did this under Titus in A.D. 70.)  and the sanctuary; (in other words, the Temple) and the end thereof shall be with a flood, and unto the end of the war desolations are determined.”  See, there’s nothing to indicate there’s a break in the timeline.  It’s all going to flow.  All right, now verse 27, this prince that shall come, we call him the anti-Christ, and I’ll deal with that a little later. Daniel 9:27a “And he (this prince that shall come) shall confirm (or make) the covenant (or a treaty) with many for one week:…” Or seven years.  Now, someone called, or wrote, a while back with an interesting statement.  And they had a thought that I can’t ridicule one iota. The Oslo Peace Accord that was put together back in Clinton’s time, wasn’t it?  That Oslo Peace Accord has almost everything in it that would bring about the peace treaty that the anti-Christ will sign.

  So this writer, I think it was a lady, said, “You know, Les, if that be the case, all they’d have to do is bring that thing back up and this man anti-Christ can just simply agree – this is exactly the way we want to do it – and it’ll be confirmed and it’s in place.”  Well, that just tells us how close we really are, that all the details of this necessary treaty are pretty much agreed upon already. All right, but anyway, he’s going to make a seven year treaty between the nations of the world, predominately, I think now, the Muslim world and Israel.  And it will give them, as I said early today, permission to rebuild the Temple.  Now, here’s what the Lord Jesus was referring to.  Remember what He said in Matthew?  “When you see the desolation spoken of by Daniel.”  Here it is in this verse 27. Daniel 9:27b “…and in the middle of the week (in the middle of those seven years) he shall cause the sacrifice and the oblation to cease,…” Can you stop something that hasn’t started?  Now, you know there’s no sacrifice and oblation going on in Jerusalem today.  And it can’t until they have a Temple.  So, what does this tell us? That in those first three-and-a-half years, as a result of this peace treaty, Israel is going to rebuild a Temple.  And it doesn’t have to be a glorious, gold and cedar one like Solomon’s, but it’ll be functional.  I personally think it’s in a warehouse in Jerusalem right now, all ready to pull out and set up, and it’ll be functioning in less than a week’s time.  So, they’ll go back under Temple worship for the first three-and-a-half years. Then the anti-Christ will turn on Israel. We’ll look at that again in Matthew 24 in just a little bit.  And in the middle of the week, he will cause the sacrifice and oblation, or Temple worship, to stop.  He’s going to turn on the Jew. Daniel 9:27c “…and for the overspreading of abominations he (the anti-Christ, this prince that shall come) shall make it (that restored Temple) desolate, (Inoperable as far as Judaism is concerned, and it will remain that way.) even until the consummation, (That is, the end of the seven years.) and that which is determined shall be poured upon the desolate.” Or the desolater.   In other words, the anti-Christ will meet his doom at the end of the Tribulation. All right, now let’s come back to Matthew 24.  Back to Matthew 24, now this is exactly what Jesus is referring to in verse 15.  We are now at the mid-point of the seven years.  The first fourteen verses are the first half.  Now we start the second half. Matthew 24:15-16a “When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (He’s in the Temple defiling it.) (whoso readeth, let him understandJ 16. Then…”   Now, those of you that have heard me teach over a period of time, what kind of a word is then?  It is a time word.  When the Jews see the desolation taking place up there on the Temple Mount with the anti-Christ defiling it, probably by sacrificing a hog, Israel will be just beside themselves. But the Lord says when you see that, wake up!  Get out of town!  That’s the way we’d put it today.  Get out of town!   Here we go, verse 16: Matthew 24:16a “Then let them who be in Judea flee into the mountains;…”  Now, I call this the escaping remnant of Israel.  Now, you have to have the remnant that will come through the Tribulation and be ready to go into the Kingdom.  You have to have the Nation of Israel, but it won’t be the whole Nation, it’ll be a remnant.  I need to show you that.  Let’s see, I’m going to take the time.  Keep your hand in Matthew, again, and come back with me to Zechariah chapter 13 starting at verse 8.  Now remember, this is prophecy, again, so it’s going to happen. Zechariah, that’s the next to the last book in your Old Testament.  You know, I always tell people to find Matthew.  You can all find that, and then just go to the left, past Malachi and there’s Zechariah. Zechariah 13:8 “And it shall come to pass, that in all the land, (That is, the whole land of Israel.

) saith the LORD, two parts (or two thirds) therein shall be cut off and die; but the third part  shall be left therein.”  They’re going to survive.   Now verse 9: Zechariah 13:9 “And I will bring the third part through the fire, (Now the fire here is the Tribulation, the horrors of it.) and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, the LORD is my God.”  So, that’s the remnant.  All right, back to Matthew 24. The remnant now is fleeing out of Jerusalem at the middle of the Tribulation.  All right, we’re going to do this quickly, verse 16. Matthew 24:16-17 “Then let them which be in Judea flee into the mountains: 17. Let them who is on the housetop not come down to take anything out of his house:” Time is of the essence is the way I usually put it.  Don’t take time to find some heirloom or something of value – get out of town! Matthew 24:18 “Neither let him who is in the field (the working class) return back to get his clothes.” Now, for Israel today, that would be the scientist, the medical people, and the business people, because Israel is no longer an agrarian nation like it was at the time of Christ.  So, the whole cross-section of the Nation now is involved in these verses. Matthew 24:19-20 “And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that are nursing in those days (young mothers)! 20. But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, (Because Jerusalem gets twelve to fourteen inches of snow every once in a while.) neither on the sabbath day:” So that they would not be limited as to how far they could walk.  Now, here’s the verse that I wanted to end with, verse 21. Matthew 24:21 “For then (beginning with that desecration of the Temple) shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, (the time of Christ) no, nor ever shall be.”  This takes us right on up past our own day and time, including the Holocaust.  So, that should tell you something – that for Israel as well as the rest of the world, the time is coming in these last three-and-a-half years when it’s going to be worse than anything in all of human history.  It’s going to be beyond comprehension.  And that was in the words of the Lord Jesus himself, that there is nothing in all of human history that compares with these last three-and-a-half years.

[gremrat]

I am asking once again to read books. It can be nonfiction. It can be fiction. Please for God's sakes just read something that can sharpen your reading comprehension, lengthen your attention span, or something of that nature. Read something that you can learn something, ANYTHING from. I'm begging you. New vocabulary words. How to do taxes, or code.

I went with my mother to the bank with my cousin and it's one of those where you have to get buzzed in and buzzed out. While we were waiting to get buzzed out, they got impatient and wondered if pressing the button on the wall next to the door will get them out quicker. I see that above the button there is a sign in red with bold white letters "DO NOT PRESS UNLESS IN EMERGENCY". Firmly believing my mother and cousin (both are older than me. Not wiser as will be revealed) have read the sign, and therefore will not press it.

I have to raise my voice to keep them from pressing the button. It's eye level with them, they do not read it, and almost press it. I have to point out the sign to convince them not to press it.

My partner of 5 years comes to me one day holding the box of fruit and grain bars I bought the day before at aldis, agitated, and announces, "I will not be eating these ever again. Look at the ingredients."

I look at them and find that they're actually a lot healthier than I thought. I read them aloud and explain each ingredient. He calms down and curious I ask him, "Did you just *see* that there were a lot of ingredients listed and assumed it was bad?" To which he answers "yes."

This is one instance of many.

Please relearn how to fucking read. Jesus H. Christ

[jdgo51]

Called to Who (Before Do)

Today's inspiration comes from:

The Power to Change

by Craig Groeschel

Do you ever feel called to more?

"'We live in a culture of more — more promotions, money, square feet, clothes, vacations, followers. But have you noticed how even when you get more, you just want more?

Why?

Because that brand of more comes from our sin. While one of the many downsides of our fallen nature is to never be satisfied for long with what we have, God made us for a far more significant kind of more.

If you have ever felt called to more, it’s because you are called to more.

But the right kind of more. God uniquely created you, gave you gifts, set you apart, and called you:

Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. — Ephesians 4:1 NLT

When most Christians hear that they are called, they tend to think about do, not who. They wonder what task, ministry, or job God might be calling them to. Or if God has a specific place for them to live. Some worry they might even miss their calling.

A calling is one way to discover our do. But we learn in the Bible that, as with our attempts to change, a calling focuses on who before do.

In Genesis 12:1, God tells Abram,

Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.

Verse 4 states, “So Abram went, as the Lord had told him.” There was no do yet, only who!

In the Ephesians 4 verse, Paul says you have been called to what? A life. “You have been called,” so you should “lead a life worthy of your calling.” And check out 2 Timothy 1:9:

For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. — NLT

You are called not just to a life but to a holy life.

A calling focuses on who before do.

Yes, you are also called to a ministry, to a do, but that is secondary. Who comes before do. God has called you to a holy life, to be faithful to Him, to realize nothing else compares to “the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:8) and so to live, first and foremost, for Jesus.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. — Colossians 3:17

What God would have us do and where God would have us go is secondary. Whatever God has you do, you do that for Jesus. Wherever God puts you, you serve Jesus. That’s your calling.

Your calling is more about who you are becoming than what you are doing. Let me repeat — your calling is more about who you are becoming than what you are doing. You are called not only to serve Jesus but also to become more and more like Him. The more is discovered in the becoming.

Another way to say this is you are called first to salvation, then to sanctification, then to serving. Sanctification and serving will then run parallel until Heaven. The two work hand in hand.

Here’s what that looked like for me: In college, I was an absolute mess and as far from God as you can imagine. Then my fraternity got in a lot of trouble. Mostly as a public relations move at first, I decided to start a Bible study.

I began to read the Bible, specifically the Gospels. As I read, I felt drawn to Jesus, so I kept reading. Finally getting to Paul’s letters, I came to a verse in Ephesians that says you are saved by grace, not by works. That spoke to me because I knew I could never be good enough for God. I felt Him inviting me to put my faith in Jesus, and I did. God called me to salvation. I responded.

I was now a Christian, but I had no idea what that really meant. True story: I had a fraternity brother in my fraternity who, unrelated to me, also became a Christian. We decided to celebrate by going out and getting drunk. We just didn’t know any better yet.

I was a Christian, but I was nothing like Christ. Gradually, I came to know Jesus more and what it meant for me to live like Him. With God’s help, I started to not only identify sin but also say no to it.

As I grew in maturity, I would take several steps forward and then a couple back. That ongoing process, which is still happening today, of letting God’s Word, empowered by God’s Spirit, conform me to the image of Christ was God’s calling to sanctification. I was responding.

Before long, I realized I was also called to serve. In fact, after experiencing salvation and beginning to be transformed through God’s sanctification process, I felt compelled to serve. I felt Him calling me to become a pastor. It made no sense to me or to anyone else — as confusing as John Wick becoming a monk or a mongrel becoming a poodle — but His call was undeniable. I knew I had to answer.

Your call to serve will look different from mine. You might volunteer with teenagers, start a ministry, sing in a worship band, edit videos, or teach kids, but the process will be the same. God will call you to salvation, then sanctification, then service. Why? Because who comes before do."'

Excerpted with permission from The Power to Change by Craig Groeschel, copyright Craig Groeschel.

[endtimesbeacon]

Doom Preaching & Lemming Doom Preachers Are Preaching Their Own Doom

Doom Preaching & Lemming Doom Preachers Are Preaching Their Own Doom - Are You Parroting What Captured Christianity is Telling You?  Prophet Mark Taylor's Prophecy Has Warned You.  Kat Kerr Has Warned You.  Common Sense Warns You! 

Don't the Fearful Get Thrown into the Lake of Fire?  If You Are Full of Fear and Are Preaching Fear, Even Worse, Consider Reading the Book of Revelation a Couple Hundred Times, and Use the Interlinear.  See Mark Taylor's Prophecy:  "Satan's Frequency"  Below.  Shoot, Even the New Agers Will Tell You that You Have to Raise Your Vibrations, Dwell in Positive Emotions, ie. The Works of the Spirit vs The Works of the Flesh, if You Want to Ascend (Rapture), Otherwise They Say You Will Recycle into the Lake of Fire for another 50,000 Years of Having to Reincarnate into Hideous 3D Earth, Which Also Sounds Like "The Outer Darkness". A lot of other preachers, newscasters, "patriots" preach doom and gloom to sell you silver and gold, survival stuff while begging for your donations.  They are draining the hope and faith, the confidence and courage of people around the world to get up and fight, destroy the enemy completely and install the good.  Most of "Christianity" is a Captured Outfit Sucking Sucker into a Non Scriptural Soul Trap.  - Most of Christianity Hates the Bible.  - They Deny and Do Not Want Jesus as Lord, King and Ruler.  - They Promote You Being Your Own Lord.    - They obscure, they hide the Name of God and the Name of Jesus so then they could have you praying or worshiping some other god.  No wonder there's no power.  Where are the miracles?  To get back to the Name of God we need to go back to the Paleo which is the original text.  Modern Hebrew was invented by the Tares to capture the Word of God and has no resemblance to Paleo Hebrew.  God the Father = YAHWAH ELOHEEM.  Jesus = YAHWASUA (YAHWAH SAVES).  ELOHEEM = YAHWAH, God's Kids, it's the Family Name. Did you know that God's kids were the Creators in Genesis 1?  Isn't Jesus a Kid of God?  Wasn't ALL things created through Jesus?  Doesn't Jesus have brothers?  Hebrews 2:11 "For both he that sanctifieth and they who are sanctified are all of one: for which cause he is not ashamed to call them brethren," - PSALM 82 (the Dixie Bible) THE ELOHEEM stands in the whole national gathering of the mighty; he judges among ELOHEEM. How long will you all judge unjustly, and accept the faces of the wicked? Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked. These wicked know not, neither will they understand; they walk on in darkness: all the foundations of the land are out of course. I have said, You all are ELOHEEM; and all of you are children of the most High. But you all shall die like adamites, and fall like one of the princes. Arise, O ELOHEEM, judge the land because you SHALL inherit all nations. - "I have said, You all are ELOHEEM; and all of you are children of the most High"  = ELOHEEM - The ELOHEEM have to "die like men (adamites)" so they need to come into 3D Earth where things experience death and learn a bunch of lessons so they can rule and reign with Christ.  Can have you not being prepared and making a mess of creation in a ruling position, getting tricked, suckered or trapped by evil.  - Why isn't every Christian performing healing miracles?  Christianity has become a joke to the rest of the planet thereby strengthening confusion and beliefs in other religions contraptions, the devil himself, pagan religions.  In fact, as Christianity, denominational, religious Christianity has risen in the world so has the evil, even to the point where the Beast, the "official Anti-Christ" was almost birthed. Religious, denominational Christianity was corrupted, captured, arguable since Constantine plus the Jesuits.  You should know this by now.  You should also know who the tares are and who are NOT "God's chosen people".  Christianity has promoted the tares, their enemy as God's chosen people and it has almost cost all of humanity, saved only by God intervening.    - Not Many Preach the Fear of God, YAHWAH ELOHEEM, Which is Arguably the Key to Everything, and if they Do,  they Preach the Wrong Kind of Fear which Pushes One Away from God instead of Closer to Him.  Think About This: In There is No Fear of Someone, There is No Honor, No Respect, No High Regard, No Love, No Relationship - Think About that for Your Marriages!  - So what's the fix?  Preach the scriptures exactly and don't make stuff up.  Don't preach an easier way.  And show people how to obey the New Testament.  If you want help with that see the list of the Commands of Jesus to install as habits and the list of the 666 Sins of the Bible to uninstall from your habits.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI4jEWdbqh0   Read the full article

[leonbloder]

Silence In The Midst Of Noise

I am sitting inside my little cottage high above the Pacific Ocean at the Hermitage of New Camaldoli in Big Sur, CA, the breeze from the chilly waters below is blowing through the open windows, and I can hear the sound of countless birds calling outside. 

It’s pretty awesome, I must say.  There is no internet, no cell phone coverage, and the few others who are on retreat here are, like me, abiding by the rule of silence.  

I’ll be honest, I’ve spoken to a few of the monks here, but only when they’ve talked to me and the various bookstore clerks, but that’s been sporadic at best.  What I’ve been doing, however, is trying to learn what it means to be quiet, disconnected from the world, and introspective. 

When you have hours at a time with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company, it can be challenging if you are someone like me.  I’m used to noise—and a lot of it.  Even now, I am listening to music, but it’s soft, introspective music, to be fair.

What I mean is I am used to the noise of life.  

My life is typically pretty noisy with everything that must be done for work and family.  I’m constantly reminded of things begging for my attention because of the incessant beeps and hums on my phone indicating new text messages, emails, and other assorted notifications.  

The phone has been silent these past many days, and honestly, I wish I could figure out a way to continue it without making everyone in my life frustrated.  

So this week, I’ve prayed, rested, journaled, attended worship services a couple of times a day led by the monks, gone on long walks in the woods, read a couple of books, and written—a lot.   I finished a book I’ve been working on for almost a year, wrote several daily devotions, and prepared some of the sermons I’ll be preaching when I return to work. 

As I wrote all that down, I was amazed because it didn’t feel like I was working because of the amount of time I spent doing other quiet, life-giving things. 

I marvel at the monks here because many are accomplished artists whose works are displayed and sold.  Some of them are amazing craftsmen and woodworkers. Others have written extensively about theology, contemplative practices, and the like.  

As I said, it’s incredible what you can do when you have a lot of time to devote to it. 

But I’d make a terrible monk.  I’m not good at following rules; I feel there are many.  I also couldn’t go to church multiple times a day, all of the time.  The food is not that great either.  I must confess that the taco truck parked at the bottom of the mountain saved me a couple of evenings.  And then there’s the whole celibacy thing—no thanks. 

I ponder how to take some of this with me when I return to my noisy life.  How do I keep the noise at bay enough to quiet my soul?  What practices can I employ daily that give me sanctuary?  Are things in my life that distract me that I need to let go of? 

These are questions that we all should be asking ourselves.  Because the real test for inner peace is to carry it with you wherever you go, despite what is happening around you.  

May this be your quest as much as possible, and may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you now and always. Amen. 

[go-follow-vibingouthere]

I've got... Feelings about 18x18

This is a whole ass vent, I'm putting it under a read more. Nothing too triggering inside (indirect discussions of homophobia? I guess? That's what I'm calling it), but I beg you to put your own mental health first. If the episode has made you incredibly upset, as I've seen a lot tonight, I urge you to take some time offline, recollect. It's what I plan to do tomorrow, likely for a few days.

That episode fucked me up. And this was notably different from other times Greys has upset me: this isn't like Alex leaving, or Deluca dying, or whatever. This feels remarkably personal. Like yeah yeah parasocial relationship blah blah I should've known something like this was going to happen but also...

Why should I have known? Why have we come to expect this? It's come to my attention more and more after 18x12 how often children have been used to create tension in many of the LGBTQ+ (particularly wlw—and now nblw) couples in the Greys-verse and it's just like... Why. Why do Maggie and Winston (barring the events of tonight's ep) get to be happy all the time? Why do Meredith and Nick? Catherine and Richard, Ben and Bailey, etc.? Why is the stability only ever reserved for the straight couples. I don't understand.

I can't imagine what OG viewers must've felt at the end of season 9 when Arizona cheated on Callie; to be blindsided so harshly and without cause no less, to have all that stability, seasons of development, shattered in seconds... Fucking pointless. At least this shit was moderately predictable...

Grey's is an incredibly diverse show, in many regards, and it always has been. Callie is the longest running LGBTQ+ character ever, in all of visual media. But they keep pulling this shit and, as someone who has only just come out in the last few years (and who is actively questioning my gender identity, wheeee), all this shit does is hurt. It's representation being brought to us, across all the shows, by absolutely amazing actors, incredibly sympathetic people... But the content is so painful and it genuinely upsets fans so much. If all you end up doing is hurting the people you're "representing" what's the fucking point?

I'm okay. I will be alright. And, ultimately, I still believe Kai and Amelia will end up together. That this is all unnecessary, miscommunication drama that Grey's thrives on, and by either the finale or season 19, they'll get back together. I've been here long enough, and more importantly, trust E.R. and Caterina enough, to know that that's likely what's going to happen. But good god. I've seen so many alarming tweets and comments about this tonight, so many people describing how this content was the only consistently good thing they have in their life rn (and, lowkey I can relate to that sentiment too). E.R. shouldn't have to tweet about how concerned they are for their fans... And you know that writers room is diverse af too so it's like... What. Is. The. Issue.

I love Grey's. I'll always watch it. But I don't appreciate, in the slightest, when this is what it's making me feel like. It's at such a mismatch from the love that so much of the cast, crew, and writers have shown for so long. I know the show is on its last legs but Jesus Christ... I hope the people in charge learned something from the pain they caused so many (young!!!) people tonight who were looking to this show/ship for hope, because otherwise what was the god damn point. Dramatic tension is necessary for shows like this to continue but good god have some fucking decorum.

[axwalker]

CREEP 4: I wish I was special

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC  (Lexie O’Brien) Book TRR

MASTERLIST

Synopsis: Drake is a hurt, angry teenager. After being rejected by Lexie, he spends two years bullying her until he discovers the horrible truth behind her rejection.

In this chapter: Lexie and Drake spend a lot of time together. I’ve have to be honest this is a filler chapter with a bit a lot of smut 🤷🏽‍♀️

A/N: Drake’s and Lexie’s POV. 

Words: 4,470

WARNINGS: SMUT! Parental abuse, domestic violence, toxic love, abuse, bullying.

THIS IS NOT YOUR USUAL MARSHMALLOW DRAKE. He was abandoned as a boy, he’s tortured and he doesn’t know how to express love.

This is a dark love story. If you think this might trigger you, PLEASE do not read it.  

ALL MY FICS ARE 18+

TAGS ON THE COMMENTS –As this is darker than usual; I’m only tagging the people who commented in the previous chapters. If you want to get on or off the list for this fic; please do not hesitate to ask!!

Drake 

I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe I’m holding Lexie in my arms, and this is happening. 

Damn. She tastes even better than I imagined. Soft lips, the flavor of cherries and mint and something singularly Lexie. So, fucking sweet. Her innocent tongue is hesitant at first to play with mine, making her surrender even more satisfying. She’s been the center of my world for years. She’s everything I crave, and I didn’t know how to handle the rejection of the only person who matters to me. I know that’s not an excuse; I know that I don’t fucking deserve her. Hell, if I were a better man, a man that wasn’t starving for her, I’d live her alone.  

She makes me stumble into the bed- when her thighs tighten around me, and she allows me inside her perfect little mouth with hot strokes of my tongue, my hands aching over the softness of her hair, her cheeks, absorbing her unique textures with my palms. 

Get yourself out of my system. My heart has just awakened again, and it breaks painfully; when I think about her words, I make a pitiful sound into the kiss. Ah God. The best night of my life could be the night Lexie cuts me off for good, and I don’t know how to stop it from happening. She’s attracted to me, but I’ve hurt her too badly to contemplate a future. A man with more self-control, maybe an older one, might stop this now. Demand to talk, to explain to her I’ve loved her for so long and so fucking deep that I can’t see straight. That I let my insecurity act on my name. But right now, I can do nothing but soak up every inch, take as much as I can before she wants me gone. I let her mouth go momentarily, kissing down her jawline to her neck, trying to memorize exactly how she smells, how she tastes in every single part of her. How she sounds when she moans brokenly when she shifts her pussy against my lap. Then does it again. 

“Feels good,” she whispers, her voice barely loud enough to hear above the storm. “Drake.” 

I want to give her a first time she’ll think about every hour for the rest of her life, but I’m… I’m quickly recognizing my inexperience. I’m not as practiced at sex as she thinks. Only one girl before I met her. After seeing those deep brown eyes, no one else would do it for me. But I have been fucking starving for it for years. With this girl. So when she rubs against my cock and whispers, “feels good,” I almost come against in my jeans. 

I have to force myself not to grip her butt cheeks and grind her down while I thrust up, giving myself enough friction to finish. Christ, don’t finish. Please. I’ve been blessed with an opportunity I don’t deserve. A night with Lexie. A chance to make her first time perfect—and that’s what I’m going to do, even if it kills me. 

A thunder rumbles in the sky outside as she makes urgent, breathy noises, her fingers grabbing my T-shirt. She strips it off over my head, her palms slowly brushing the shape of my chest up to my arms, leaning in to kiss the hollow of my throat, the underside of my chin. Heat burns me from the inside, growing hotter with every touch of those lips on my body—and no, no, no, I can never live without her. I’ll fade and die without her touch. Get into her system, not out of it. Get deeper. So deep she can’t take me out. As deep as she is inside me. I know she’ll never love me as I do her, but I need her anyway. With those directions clear and loud in the back of my head, I move toward the bed and drop down to my knees, gently laying Lexie on her back, kissing her incredible mouth while my fingers fumble with the button and zipper of her jeans. I’m touching Lexie’s pussy through denim, and again, I want her so fucking badly, I’m worried I’m going to ruin everything, but I grit my teeth and start to slide the jeans down her legs. As soon as the soft, soft flesh of her thighs is revealed, I tilt my face up and shut my eyes closed. God, oh God. 

“What’s wrong?” she whispers, lifting her hips so I can remove the pants. “You’re so beautiful; I’m trying not to come just looking at you,” I groan, tossing her jeans aside, taking several deep breaths to get myself under control, before giving in to the overwhelming temptation to see Lexie in panties. No amount of imagination could have done her justice. The shy inward turn of her left knee, the light blue panties that rapidly become see-through, thanks to how wet she is. The slit of her sex. My senses are overloaded, my breathing uneven.

Then she blushes and bites her lip, and I understand that she’s as nervous as I am. Probably more. Fuck, this is not about me. This is about the beautiful, sweet girl underneath me. I take a moment to look at her face; her eyes are shining, her cheeks pink, her mouth is swollen from being kissed. I’m an eighteen-year-old man who –for three years, has only climaxed from jerking off, and because of that, my instinct now is to take my cock out and come all over the goddess in front of me. I’ll come so hard. All over her. But this is more than sex. I’m being allowed sex with the girl of my dreams. My dick is in disbelief, painfully hard and dripping with pre-come in my boxers, begging to come inside of her, instead of out. And Lexie…her eyes are locked on it in wonder, lips in an O shape. I’m going to be looking at that beautiful face when she takes my cock inside of her, feeling me move, stealing her innocence. Jesus. How am I going to last? 

“Lexie,” I groan through my teeth, trying to explain with that single word how fucking horny she makes me. She’s still staring at the bulge in my jeans. 

“Am I…should I…” I’ve never heard her with that husky tone of voice before. “Does it go in my mouth first?” 

I shudder so hard, my jaw almost breaks. “Christ, don’t say that, baby. Fuck.” I’m a beast right now, ripping down my zipper and shoving my hand inside, beating off the raw length of my dick, my eyes traveling from her face, to her tits, to her pussy. Then circling back and starting at the beginning,  telling her how fucking gorgeous she is. A fucking goddess. And Lexie seems to sense my desperation and overcome her shyness because she takes down her panties and kicks them away, baring herself to me. Ironically, when I should ultimately explode because the vision she creates is such perfection, I’m determined with purpose instead. With responsibility. As soon as her pussy is out, all I can think about is tasting it, giving her an orgasm and my own sexual pain takes an immediate back seat, my jerking hand slowing in the lap of my jeans. The sight of Lexie’s body hypnotizes me. 

“Can I touch you?” She nods shyly but eagerly, holding her breath. I hold mine, too, my palms gently grazing up her inner thighs and pushing them apart, spreading the pink slit between her legs, revealing the secrets I need to learn or I’ll die unsatisfied. “Tell me when I do something that feels good.” 

Slowly, I trace a thumb down the split of her pussy and her back arches, her gasp is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. “There,” I say in a rush, finally exhaling, tracing the edges of the nub that made her eyes roll back in her head. “Can I lick you here, baby?” Her hands fly to the mattress, fingers digging into the blanket. 

“Yes.” 

Fuck. I get to give her head. I’m down on my stomach in a heartbeat, rubbing my nose through her slick folds, inhaling Lexie, something peachy, gently dragging my tongue side to side over that little button. The sight of it makes my cock pound, my tongue licking toward it automatically, on reflex…and Lexie loses her fucking mind. A sexy sound fills my ears, her fingers sinking into my hair, pulling me closer. It’s like winning a gold medal at the Olympics. Knowing I found the exact spot that could get that reaction out of my girl has almost made me come right then. My tongue is worshipping her until I’m devouring her, doubting between French kissing her wet little pussy and teasing that perfect spot, her cries making the sweetest music in my ears. 

“Drake. Drake. Don’t stop. Don’t. Please, please, please.”

 When she comes, I swear to God, the taste of her is so sweet, so incredible, I go a little insane.

“I-I’m ready, Drake. Please.”

Despite how fucking bad I want her, I must make sure she wants this. I take a deep breath to calm my fucking dick, then I bend down to kiss her cute little nose and ask her, “Are you sure about this?”

She nods “Yes. God, yes.” 

“I don’t have a condom. I don’t—” 

“I’m on the pill. I went to the doctor myself to regulate my periods. Are you --uhm clean?” 

I’ve only been with one girl three years ago, and we were safe. “I am.” 

“Then I’m sure, Drake. Please, I want you so badly.” 

With a choked sound, I take hold of my cock and press it to her center, my life flashing in front of my eyes when I slide in a single inch and her wet pussy clenches around me like a fist. “Oh. Fuck.” I drop my face into her neck, raking my teeth against it, my hips burning with the need to thrust. Claim. Pound her into the ground.

“Are you okay, baby?” Fuck, her eyes are shut, a painful expression in her innocent face.

“I just need a moment, Drake.”

“I’ll give you anything you need, baby.” I don’t need to think about anything to distract myself. The mere fact of knowing she’s hurting is more than enough to sober me up. I cage her head in my arms and kiss her softly. I look her in the eyes, and there’s something in her eyes I’ve never seen before. Trust. 

 “I lied to you, Lexie. I’ve only been with one person like this. But that was before you. Since then, I’ve never wanted to touch anyone but you. Never been hard for anything but this…” I feel her adjusting to me, so I force in another inch. It feels better than I could’ve ever imagined. “This sweet little pussy.” I search Lexie’s flushed face and find her looking at me in wonder, surprise. 

“You…waited for me.” she whispers. 

My nod is jerky, teeth clenched. “You really haven’t figured it out yet? You can’t tell I’m obsessed with you?” I drop hard kisses all over her face, her hair, her neck. “You can’t tell I would murder, lie and steal just to have you look at me?” Her breath comes in tight pants, brown eyes glazed. 

 “I need more. You’ve been hiding from me for two years, acting like someone else. But this…this is honest. I-I want to feel it.” 

“Soon. Soon. Just let me get myself under control.” 

“Please, Drake.” Her expression is enthralled, imploring. “Fall apart.” 

I “Lexie, please. I don’t want to hurt you, baby. I want to make it perfect for you.” 

She gives me one of those smiles I craved so much, and catching her bottom lip between her teeth, she reaches down and sinks her fingernails into my ass, yanking me close and impaling herself on my rigid cock. Fuck, I want to be gentle with her, I need to but damn if she’s not making it difficult. I bury myself to the hilt, and she gasps 

 “Hurts,” she says. “You’re too big. It’s too big.” 

“What?” I struggle for awareness, my eyes unfocused as I search her face. 

“Too big…” “It hurts.” Horror hits me. I’m hurting Lexie. My Lexie. Fuck no. “No, I’ll stop.” 

“No.” She tightens her legs around my hips. “Just go slow.” 

I kiss her front. “I’ll go as slow as you need me to.” My eyes focus on her pretty face. She’s so perfectly delicate. “You’re sure, baby?”

“Yes.” She kisses my mouth to reassure me, and I groan, melting at her touch, gently rolling in and out of her. It’s a painful effort to keep the slow pace, but I want her to enjoy this. I stop for a few seconds, and I search her face. If she’s still in pain, I’ll pull out of her no matter what she says. But her lips are parted, and she seems to be getting there with me, so I continue to thrust, rhythmic and measured, our eyes hot on one another.  Her tight little pussy is making me insane. 

 “You’ve been driving me crazy,” I growl, kissing her neck. “The smell of you in class. The shape of your neck and hips and that perfect hair moving in front of me. Perfect, so perfect, so mine. And you wouldn’t even give me your eyes. It broke me. But you’ve always been mine, no matter what, huh? Nothing can change that.” I lick her neck, her throat, her mouth. I move a little faster and she cries of pleasure. “Be mine, Lexie.” 

I put my hand between us and touched her at the same spot I did when I kissed her sex. Her reaction is immediate. 

“Oh god, Drake. Just there. This is—God.”

She cries one last time, and I can feel her pleasure squeezing my cock as she comes.

An invisible string is cut when I’m finally down the other side of my peak, my heaving body collapsing on top of Lexie’s. “Lexie?” I kiss her forehead, her cheeks. “I’m… God. Are you okay?” 

Her nod gets my blood running again. 

“It finally happened,” I say, almost hoping she didn’t hear me.

“What did?”

“My fantasy came true.”

The smile she gives me is almost shy. And somehow, that’s the best part of our perfect night. 

 Lexie 

Over the years, my mother’s voice has started to fade from my head, but I can remember her saying, “Santo Dios,” when something interested her. Or made her sit up and take notice. And watching the muscles of Drake’s back move in the darkness, I mouth those words to myself. Santo Dios. After we… After what happened … I don’t know what to call what we did. I’m scared to call it “making love.” “Sex” sounds too shallow for something so intense. “Fucking” sounds too crude, too impersonal, when what passed between us couldn’t have been more personal. 

All this time, I pictured Drake meeting girls on the weekends, forgetting all about me in a quest for momentary bliss. But that wasn’t the case at all. He’s been…he waited. He waited for me. When making that confession, the raw honesty in his eyes left absolutely no doubt that he…feels something for me. Quite a lot, if I can believe what a man says in the heat of the moment. None of what Drake said felt like bullshit, though. Or a man telling a woman what she wants to hear. It was as if he’d been holding it in and pleasure broke the dam of secrets, making his walls collapsed all around me.  Leaving me with the ruins of all this new knowledge. 

I sit on the back porch of the cabin, arms wrapped around my knees, watching Drake connect the generator so we can have light. Thanks to the storm, the electricity isn’t working. Now, shirtless, he works on his knees in front of the machine, a frown of focus between his dark brows. Every minute or so, he stops working to glance over at me, his throat bobbing, his eyes watchful and hungry, the outline of his erection back to pressing against the front of his jeans. My newfound feminine vibrates, demands attention. I was too tired to put my pants back on, so I’m dressed in panties and a T-shirt. My lack of clothing feels forbidden, as does being alone at a cabin with a boy. For the whole night. And I don’t know what to do about the desire he’s fueled inside of me. I don’t know what to do with the excitement of knowing we’re both new –or almost, at exploring the bodies of the opposite sex…and all the ways we could do it now. Inside the cabin. Alone. No one to hear us, judge us, see us. No getting in trouble. Nothing holding us back. Except for what he did to me for two bitterly long years. Except for the fact that I need to get far away from here, from my father, and it won’t do me any  good to get attached to this magnetic boy.

There can only be one night. I need to make a fresh start. I need to cut myself clean off from everything that has made me feel sad and broken in the past—and whether my heart likes it or not, Drake Walker is one of those things. 

He’s looking at me right now like he knows exactly what I’m thinking. And it’s that kind of intuition he seems to have about me that is going to get me into trouble. Going to make me second-guess my determination to leave him here along with everyone and everything else I’ve grown up with. 

Drake sets down the tool in his hand and flips a switch, lighting up the porch. “Looks like it’s working.” 

“Yeah.” 

He sends me a tight smile. “They don’t call me a handyman for nothing.” It occurs to me in that moment that I don’t know a lot about Drake’s private life. I know he lives in a trailer on the other side of town. And the horrible story he told me about his family, but not much more. 

 I want to escape this place. Does he? “Are you…planning on hanging around Portavira after graduation?” 

His movements pause ever so slightly, but I catch it. “Hadn’t thought too much about it.” 

“Really?” 

“No,” he sighs. “That’s a lie.” Kneeling in front of the toolbox, his jaw tightens, his gaze eventually making its way back to me. “And I don’t want to lie to you anymore, Lexie.” 

“Then don’t,” I say quickly, holding my breath. 

“I know you want to go to college and make something of yourself, but that -that’s not an option for me. I’m just going to stay here trying to fix this old house and honor my dad’s memory.”

He evades my gaze, and the reason why is painfully obvious. “You have nothing, nothing to be ashamed about, Drake. What you’re doing with this cabin is amazing; if this is what you want to do, you should”.

Even in the muted moonlight, I can see the reddening of his cheekbones. “Believe me, for the rest of my life, I’m going to hate myself for how I treated you. I thought…” 

“What?” 

He shakes his head, but answers anyway. “That night at your house, I thought when you found out I what I did for a living, that I was there to repair your roof…you remembered I wasn’t good enough for you. That you looked down on me. I thought you were ignoring me all this time because you regretted everything that happened, everything you said. You had a momentary lapse of judgement and went back onto your pedestal, out of reach of my filthy hands. It hurt to think I disgusted you. It hurt and I took it out on you.” At the end of his explanation, my mouth is hanging open. No wonder he was so mad, lashing out all the time. He thought I was ignoring him because I thought myself better. Above him. For a prideful person like Drake, being ignored because of his status would have stung worse than anything else. 

“Why are you only telling me this now?” 

“Because it sounds like an excuse—and I’m not making one. Ever.” 

“I didn’t think I was better than you. I missed you.” That strong chest of his starts to rise and fall quickly, his gaze penetrating me through the darkness. “I know that sounds silly. It was just one night.” 

“No. I missed you, too.” He takes a step in my direction. “Still do.” His eyes close and he releases a bumpy breath. “Brutally, baby. I’ve never stopped wanting—fuck-craving you like a madman. It just killed me to see how you were so gentle and kind to everyone but me. Even before I started -bullying you.” 

Nerve tingle everywhere on my body, the need to touch and be touched by Drake increasing the temperature of my skin rapidly, making my breasts feel full, my legs weak. I’ve never tried drugs, but I understand now what addiction must be like. Fighting a pull, battling a self-destructive urge, promises an incredible high before the inevitable downward spiral. If I give him the slightest encouragement, he’s going to bring me inside and…be with me again. 

Is that what I want? Yes. 

Will giving in to my physical urges make it much harder when I have to leave town for good? Yes. Yes. 

There isn’t anything casual about Drake and me. And how can I begin to rebuild my pride, my life, if my first act of independence is giving my body to the person who made me cry so many times since sophomore year, I’ve lost count? I search for a way to change the subject. To take the focus off the connection dragging us back together. 

“Well.” I dampen my lips. “I don’t think I’ll go to college anymore. My father hid all my acceptance letters. He was never really going to let me go.” I intertwine my fingers together and tighten them until they leach of color. “Tonight, was the first time I ever spoke back to him. I was just so angry.” Several beats pass. 

“Of course, you were.” He drops down onto the back porch, a couple of feet to my right, staring out into the trees. “Hell, Lexie. I’m sorry he did that.” 

I nod. “I did a lot of thinking on the back of your bike. It’s good for that. Thinking. Isn’t it?” 

“Yeah. When you don’t want to think… it’s good for that, too.” 

“Hmm.” 

He looks over at me; hands clasped loosely between his bent knees. “What did you think about?” 

“College. How to salvage the original plan.” I feel kind of jumpy, sharing my ideas with Drake, with anyone, I’ve kept things to myself for so long, not confiding in my classmates, not getting close to others, lest my father find a way to blacken the connection. To make people sorry for interacting with me. “I was thinking…maybe I could go and see the school guidance counselor. I need all my transcripts to apply to college here in Cordonia. Once I do that, things might get easier. There has to be a way to make it work. Even if it is a little late to apply.” 

Drake nods, frowning like he’s giving my plan some serious thought. “It’s not safe for you to go back to the school, Lexie. I’ll go. I’ll do whatever you need. Pick up your transcripts or anything else. We can find a library around here to fill out the applications online…” My heart thumps heavily. All that time spent with him, getting deeper and deeper. It wouldn’t be wise. “You don’t have to do all of that.” 

“I want to.” 

His eyes are hopeful. I shouldn’t allow that hope. Nor should I rely on him for things I need to do myself. Things that will be required to take control of my life. “It’s not safe for you at the school, either. What if my father presses assault charges?” As soon as I ask the question, I shake my head. “Never mind. He’d never do that. People would know you bested him. They’d know what he did to me, too—and he’d never, never allow that. There’s nothing more important to him than his reputation.” 

“So I’ll go to the school for you?” he asks, quietly, almost too casually, but I can see the tension in his shoulders, the set of his jaw. It’s not a simple question. If I say yes to this favor, it means our…relationship will extend beyond one night. To include tomorrow—Sunday—plus Monday morning, before the school opens. It adds time to the us I know he still wants. Do I have a choice, though? My father could be there waiting for me, and that terrifies me more than my feelings for Drake do. What he’s willing to do could help me tremendously. Could start me on the path to a new beginning. “Yes,” I whisper. “You’ll go.” 

Drake swallows loudly, his eyelids closing. When he opens his eyes again, his gaze traces my bare thighs hungrily. We have until Monday now. What are we going to do with all that time? That question hangs in the air, unspoken, but louder than a shout. I can almost feel the binds tightening us together, strengthening until they become impossible to snap. And it scares me, but I need him too, even if it’s for a few days. Always loved being scared, electrified, by beautiful things, and bare-chested in the moonlight, Drake is by far the most beautiful of all. 

“Lexie…” he breathes, swallowing loudly. “I want to taste you again?” Heat envelops me, invades me. I’ve always worried I need to touch myself too often. That I have a more pronounced sexual appetite than I’m supposed to have at my age. But as Drake kneels on the lower stair in front of me and separates my thighs, kissing a path toward my apex, I know he’s the reason. Drake is the reason I’ve been riding the heel of my hand, crying frustration into my pillow, night after night after night. He’s the one that inspires the excruciating arousal—and I don’t have a shot in hell of saying no to him. Not when it comes to being physical. I just have to remember to say no to anything more. Anything beyond this. “Yes…” I lean back on my elbows. “Do it.” 

He does, and we spend the next hours lost on each other. 

[headgehug]

jesus h. christ! i tried to do a teeny bit of research just to see if i'm using the term "vaporwave" correctly and i've gotten sucked into possibly my next deep dive interest. anyways here's my very limited, very uneducated recap of what kinds of ... electronic music, to use the most vague blanket term i can possibly use, so far. maybe when i learn some more i'll do an update!

my first introduction to these genres was through chillhop/lofi streams on youtube. according to this video which i used to try and get some more clarity (lol) some lofi / late night hiphop is under the blanket of vaporwave, but not all of it. anyways i would say that this is probably quite a distant genre and being very, very lo-fi, i'm just mentioning it to say that it's a good gateway drug.

from there i delved into citypop and future funk, which is in fact a vaporwave subgenre. this is nostalgic, retro-futuristic japanese 80s pop or music that uses samples of it. i really liked studying with it on in the background and it's nice for early mornings to put you in a good mood. youtube has tons of compilations of these too, my favorites are probably x, x, or x. (i think the first one is the artist city girl, which is probably technically vhs pop?)

after that, i tried to get into proper vaporwave, and i found this list (it's my bible, idk where i found it, i think i compiled it from various sources, but it's saved on my work computer lol so i don't have it handy.) anyways it started me out with what i think is technically just hypnagogic pop which is not a vaporwave subgenre but is probably actually the parent genre... or it's interchangeable. wtf.

some of my absolute favorite artists so far have been luxury elite, windows 96, and death's dynamic shroud. i think windows 96 is proper hypnagogic pop/hypnagogic drift as it is very hypnotizing and tranquil. it feels like a trance or a dream like state, or like your brain has been taken out and massaged with warm water. fave songs: x, x

luxury elite definitely has some influences with like a utopian virtual genre, it's very lobby music, very soft jazz, while still being trance-like and extremely lo-fi.

death's dynamic shroud uses a lot of samples, i particularly recognize the Gumby theme song on this song. they're very dystopian as well, having a series of albums called DERELICT MEGATOWER and my all time favorite song from those is this. no wait, this. honestly all of those albums are glorious.

I really couldn't tell you what genre this is- maybe vaportrap? anyways this song is incredible if you like heavier beats.

I think you might like this! it's lofi but more synthwave/outrun in style. also this

this is fun

also this one uses a lot of samples from games, I recognize at least Undertale lol. it encapsulates the plunderphonic aspect of vaporwave like found audio etc.

omg I also have to mention this and similar playlists which take older video game music sounds and do some sort of lofi sampling with them. absolutely beautiful and dreamlike. very nostalgic.

anyways @measuringbliss all of this is to say that you are a much better compilation post creator than I and I apologize for my messy attempt! idk what I'm doing I just have a lot of fun hopping around youtube/spotify recommendations and finding new music for my synth/vapor/what the fuck ever playlist

vaporwave is very heavily inspired by and connected to the concept of aestheticism lol (good god I'm probably butchering all of this. if anyone's reading this and knows more than me PLEASE infodump I beg you) and my tag for stuff that reminds me of that is vw. tagged below if you're interested!

[pascalpanic]

Caffeine Rush: Chapter Two / Mocha

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!Reader

Summary: Javier learns his fate. You take him out to that dinner you promised.

W/C: 2.8k

Warnings: language, mentions of food, tooth-rotting fluff. I mean it. 

A/N: HI FRIENDS if you can’t already tell from my blog, I LOVE red velvet cake and this chapter is highly self indulgent. This fic is so near and dear to me because I really relate to the reader and put more of myself in her than I do others. I hope you guys enjoy!!!

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Mocha: espresso, steamed milk, and chocolate. Beloved for the sweet taste.

To his surprise, Javier didn’t get fired. In fact, they didn’t even mention Los Pepes. He walked in there, sweating bullets and filled with anxiety and caffeine, only to learn that they weren’t the review board. They were operations, and asked Javier what he knew about the Calí cartel. Afraid it was a trap, he didn’t answer, until the man across from him cracked a smile and told him about his new assignment.

“Your work with Escobar and the Medellín cartel was unconventional, but we needed it. If you’ll accept our offer, we’d like to assign you to Calí to head the investigation into their cartel.”

Javier’s brain froze in shock. He was wordless, staring blankly ahead and furrowing his brow. After a few moments, he mustered out all that he could. “You’re serious?”

“Yes, Agent Peña. With the assignment would additionally come a raise in pay and rank, as well as-”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll take it.”

“We haven’t finished the offer-”

“I’ll take it, sir. Thank you,” he said, nodding.

“Well… take this,” he said, making Javier stand from the chair across from the room and take the file from his hands. “This is the information you’ll need, including your new pay and details. We are asking that you take at least some of your banked vacation time. You have several months of it, Peña. Our code requires that-” 

Javier’s fully aware of this policy. Use it or lose it. Unfortunately, he’d never had much time or want for vacation while chasing Escobar. What would he do? “Yeah, give me a month off,” he said mindlessly as he opened the file and scanned over the front page, in utter disbelief. He registered his surroundings after a second and looked up. “You won’t regret it, sir. Thank you,” he says and shakes the man’s hand before leaving the room.

Now, Javier stands at a payphone outside of the embassy, dialing your number in his pocket. When you pick up and ask who’s there, he laughs happily. “They didn’t fire me!”

“Congratulations,” you laugh as you realize it must be Javier. “What all happened?”

“I actually got promoted,” he admits, the adrenaline and caffeine rushing through his bloodstream. “It was absolutely crazy. They didn’t even mention Los Pepes or anything, just-”

“Are you ready for me to pick you up now?” You ask, cutting him off. “You can tell me the rest over some food. You need it. You didn’t eat that muffin I brought you.”

“What are you, my mother?” He asks dryly, but he’s too excited to be too annoyed. “No, I’ll head back to the hotel. Pick me up in 30 minutes?”

“Sounds great. Congratulations, Javier,” you tell him, grinning into the receiver. 

“Call me Javi.”

“Okay… Javi,” you say, biting your lip to hold back from giggling. “I’ll see you then.”

There’s a click and the phone line goes dead. You start giggling happily, flopping back onto the couch. Javier makes his way to the hotel, smiling. He lights up a cigarette, sighing at the way the warmth of the lighter contrasts the cold and snowy air. 

-

Holy fuck. You’re going on what could possibly be considered a date with a really hot guy and you need to get dressed, quick. You hurry around your tiny apartment, throwing on something nice-looking and messing with your hair. You spritz on some perfume, straighten yourself in the mirror, and rush out to the street. 

Georgetown is beautiful in the snow, you smile to yourself, but you wince as you realize the snow might slow you down. Your car is a piece of shit, you have to admit, but you love it. Her name is Whitney, in honor of Whitney Houston, and you beg and plead with her to behave as you make your way to Javier’s hotel. 

The radio plays some music quietly, and a handsome dark-haired man stands outside of the hotel, smoking a cigarette when you arrive. You flash your high-beams at him and he smiles as he puts out the cigarette and tosses it in the trash. “Hi,” you almost sing as he gets in the car. “Are you a hugger?”

“Am I a what?” He frowns and asks, looking at you. 

“Do you like hugs?” You ask, as if it’s obvious.

“I… don’t really receive many. They’re nice, I guess,” he shrugs as he looks you up and down quickly. “You look beautiful, by the way,” he tells you.

Warmth collects in your chest at his words. “Well, thank you. And I ask because I wanted to give you a hug of congratulations. I’m a big hugger,” you shrug a little and tilt your head as you look at him. He looks nice, in a button-up and those tight jeans you saw him in earlier.

A car honks behind you and you jump, awkwardly waving behind you and taking off so the next car can drive up to the hotel. Javier chuckles a little. “Well… I do like hugs, I guess. No one has ever asked me that.”

You look at him briefly, with confusion in your eyes, before they find the road again. “What a sad, sad life,” you chuckle. “I suppose. Are you… like, recently single? Did you date when you were in Colombia?” You ask innocently.

Javier exhales in a light chuckle. “No, never really had a relationship. Lots of flings,” he admits, finding that to be the best word to describe his situation. “But no relationships.”

You nod along, eyes scanning the road as you drive to dinner. “I see.”

“How about you?” He asks, wanting to deflect the attention from himself. That seems to be a common theme with him, you’ve noticed. All the conversations center around you, no matter how hard you try to talk about him. 

“Well, no. I haven’t really gone out much or done anything, really. I’m a bit of a homebody, but once I’m out I enjoy it. Problem is you can’t find a date from the couch.”

You reach the restaurant not much later, parking outside. You get out after chatting a little more, and Javi is taken by surprise when you wrap your arms around him in a big hug. “Uh, hi?” He laughs. He instinctively returns it, enjoying the feeling of your body pressed to his. He hasn’t had anything so tender in a long time. 

“I told you, it’s a congratulatory hug!” You say with a grin as you squeeze him then break away. “I’m happy for you.”

He smiles down at you. “I… thank you. That was nice.”

“Well, there’s plenty more where that came from,” you tell him and lead him inside, opening the door and heading into the restaurant. 

-

Javier is a fantastic conversationalist. He tells stories with his hands, vividly explaining stories from the chase for Escobar. He tells you of his partner, Steve, and his crazy methods; about Colonel Carillo, who he still thinks is one of the strongest men he’s ever met; of Stechner, who you already want to gut-punch if you ever meet. 

You watch him and admire the way his eyes dart about when he’s telling a story, the way he draws maps on the table with his fingers that you have no hope of understanding. 

The food is great but the company is better. Javier’s laugh is a beautiful sound, one rarely heard by others. He listens to you just as attentively, smiling as you talk about the coffee shop, about Georgetown, all of your life. 

By the end of the night, it’s easy to declare that you really, really like Javier. You like the way his lips quirk up in a smile, his intelligence and humor. You don’t want the night to end, truly. 

When the bill comes, he takes it before you can even try. “Hey, I told you I was paying as a congratulatory dinner,” you frown. 

“That can be another dinner,” he says mindlessly as he signs the receipt. “I always pay on the first date.”

“Oh, is that what this is?” You beam at him, tilting your head, eyes twinkling. 

He smiles as he looks up at you. “I was thinking it was. I have at least a month off work now, to be wherever I want and I have nothing to do. I’d like to properly take my time to get to know you,” he offers, and it makes your heart flutter in your chest. 

“It seems like nothing about you is proper, Javi,” you tease and sip your drink, quirking an eyebrow. 

He mirrors you, sipping his drink too. “That’s fair. But we’re in the nation’s capital, I suppose we should be a little more…”

You look at him and try to fill in the blank, smiling. “Practical? Traditional?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know what I meant to say there.”

You chuckle a little. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I like the sound of that.”

-

After dinner, you give Javier a little tour of Georgetown through the windows of your crappy car. The snow from earlier in the day has collected, dusting the tops of window sills and awnings over shop entries. Despite the snow, the car thermometer reads that it’s somewhat warm for the time of year.

There’s one warm little place with glowing lights. Despite the hour of night, it’s clearly open. Javier asks what it is. “Oh, that’s a little bakery,” you comment. “My favorite place, honestly. Their red velvet cupcake is fantastic.”

“That sounds good. I like chocolate more, to be honest,” he comments. 

You continue driving for a few seconds, rolling your eyes. “They have a good one there, but it’s so one-dimensional. It’s just chocolate with chocolate on top. Red velvet is the best because you have the cake and the tangy frosting, and-“

“Pull over?” Javier asks, and you look at him in confusion but pull into a parking spot obediently and quickly. 

Your eyes are wide in confusion. “What?” You ask him, concerned that something is wrong with the car. 

“I’m buying you dessert,” he chuckles and gets out. 

Your heart falls then and there for him. If you haven’t already decided, now you know that there’s no turning back. You want Javier Peña with a passion. “Jesus Christ, you could’ve told me that,” you laugh and turn off the car, getting off and bounding behind him. His long legs have already made strides ahead of you, leaving you to catch up. 

“You wouldn’t have stopped, would you?” He asks, the gentle snow leaving white flakes on his dark coat. He looks so pretty like this, the warm light from inside the bakery glowing against his dark hair. 

You roll your eyes but you’re smiling. “No, maybe not.” He opens the door for you and you thank him and follow him in. 

Javier walks to the counter and wastes no time. “Hi. I’ll take two red velvet cupcakes and two large coffees. How do you take yours?” He asks you as you join him at his side. 

“From my café,” you tease him, before turning to the woman behind the counter with a polite smile and asking for two sugars and two creams. Javier asks for his black. 

The two of you step back while she gets your order ready and you look at him, smiling a little. There are still soft white flakes in his wavy hair, which are slowly melting into water drops. 

You don’t know it, but he’s looking at you just the same. He admires you, smiling a little, just enough the quirk up one side of his mouth. “Thanks for buying,” you tell him and step a little closer. He’s warm, you can feel it radiating off of him, and the shop’s blasting cool air throughout. 

“Like I said,” he chuckles. “I always buy on the first date.” He reaches out to tuck a strand of your stray hair behind your ear. “Would you want to come up to my hotel room to eat the cupcakes?” He offers. 

You shake your head. “I work early tomorrow morning, I shouldn’t.”

Normally, Javier would be disappointed. Normally, he’d want to fuck you on the first date, leave you screaming his name until you can’t help but come back for more. But to his surprise, he doesn’t mind. He has a whole month to be with you, a whole month to fall for the woman he’s already half-lovesick over. “Not a problem,” he nods and walks to the counter as the woman calls that your order is ready. 

He hands you a large coffee, and you take a sip of the warm liquid, sighing. “There’s a little shelter out there,” you say, pointing to a bench with an awning above it to keep it clear from the snow. “Do you want to eat them out there?”

Javier half-smiles and nods. “That sounds good.”

It’s warm for the season, but there’s still a cool breeze. You hurry over and sit on the small bench, Javier sitting next to you. The sides of your thighs touch, and you’re both aware of it, the proximity this small bench forces you to squeeze into. Javier sets the box on his lap and opens it, revealing two red velvet cupcakes. “These look delicious.”

“They are,” you grin and pick one up, licking a bit of the frosting off the top and sighing in content with the taste. Javier watches you, and you’re suddenly very aware of the connotation. You look over at him with wide eyes, holding back a laugh. You both break down giggling at the action, your head falling against his shoulder. “I didn’t mean to do that like... that, I swear,” you shake your head as you sit up straight again. 

“You looked good doing it,” he teases you and bumps your shoulder as you unwrap the paper. “I’m going to save mine for later.”

You frown at him. “Come on. I have to be here when you try the best dessert of all time.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I’m too full. I’ll have it for breakfast tomorrow or something.”

“Javi,” you whine. “There’s no point of you getting two if we don’t eat them together. You have to eat it, come on.”

Javier looks over at your cupcake, which has one bite taken. “Let me take a little bite of yours then.”

An idea strikes and you nod. “Sure,” you say casually, holding it up for him to eat it. When he goes in to bite it, you move it closer to his face, causing the cupcake to smash into his chin and onto his nose.

Javier thinks he’s the one that missed. “Fuck,” he laughs as he crosses his eyes as he looks down at his nose, seeing the cupcake and frosting smeared on his face. He sees you giggling and laughs. “Hey, you didn’t… what the fuck?” He laughs, bringing his face close to yours. “That was uncalled for.”

“You were being a grump. I had to,” you giggle, your face naturally coming closer to his.

“And we don’t even have napkins,” he shakes his head and looks at you. “How can I clean this up?”

Tilting your head, your eyes dart between his, smiling at the dark brown color and the way they soften under your gaze. “I have an idea,” you murmur, cupping the side of Javier’s face and setting the mashed cupcake back in the box. 

Just a moment later, your lips are on his. His eyes have fallen shut and he sighs as you kiss him, a hand finding your waist and pulling you closer to him. He sets the box on the bench behind him and scoots closer, a hand on the side of your neck. 

He tastes like coffee and cream cheese frosting, his lips unbearably soft for such a hardened man. You soften him with your touch, when you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. 

He’s in fucking Heaven, he thinks, murmuring your name against your lips. He knows you already, knows the kind of person you are. He’d figured you’d maybe give a chaste kiss on the first date if you liked the person enough. The voracity of your lips against his tells him you might just reciprocate the intensity of the deep ache in his ribs he feels for you. 

After a moment, you break away and smile softly. “I didn’t get all of it,” you frown as you see that there’s still some frosting on Javier’s nose. 

“At least now we match,” he teases and wipes your face of some red crumbs that transferred to your chin with the pad of his thumb. 

You giggle and press your forehead to his, the warmth of his body perfect against yours in the slight chill of the December night. “Will you come visit me at work again tomorrow?” You ask him. 

“Only if you make me a drink that tastes as good as you do.”

-

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