#BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND WHY ROSALIND DID THAT

[rhysiedarling]

FHH SPOILERS

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Do you guys think about how we were lowkey robbed of a romajuliette back in action scene or is it just me?

Like I understand where Rosalind is coming from and why she prevented them from coming back but I ALSO REALLY WANT TO SEE THEM KICK SOME ASS

[ryanguzmansource]

Full Audio Transcript (6.17.24)

The following episode contains potentially disturbing content and we want to alert trauma survivors. It contains material that for some may be difficult to discuss or listen to.

This is He Said, Ella Dijo with Eric Winter (EW) and Rosalind Sanchez (RS).

RS: Como estas, Eric?

EW: Oh, bien bien, and you?

RS: Hoy tenemos una persona muy especial, mi gente. Guys, we are, I know you don't, but you're learning. We are excited about our guest today. He's an actor currently on ABC's 911, which is a huge show.

EW: In the ABC family.

RS: Yes, you may know him from Step Up dance films or from playing the sexy boy next door opposite Jennifer Lopez.

EW: That's right, we have Ryan Guzman. He's here with us today to talk about his new film, The Present, out tomorrow. We're excited not only to dive into his career, but so many other personal things he's opened up about—mental health, his career, so many other things he's been talking about. So let's bring him in.

RS: Yeah, looking forward to Ryan Guzman.

Ryan Guzman (RG): How you guys doing? You guys sweating in that room?

EW: Yeah, man, it's been hot in here. We don't want that air running because you're gonna hear it in the background. So we're just like, this is all for you, Ryan. We're just gonna be sweating the whole podcast.

RS: My armpits almost stink, I hate it!

EW: Yeah, that's great. Great way to open up the podcast.

RS: It’s terrible. Anyways, we're so happy that you are joining us. Thank you so much for doing this.

EW: Yeah, fellow ABC star now. I know you guys jumped over from Fox. You're now on the network where I'm at.

RG: Yeah.

EW: How's that transition been? Has it been weird? I've never been a part of a show that jumped networks. Did it feel totally seamless to you?

RG: Honestly, I've never been a part of something like this either. I mean, I've been on four other TV shows and this one—it felt like a revamp for our show. So it's just like, as soon as we went from Fox to ABC, all of this promotional that we've never even seen in six seasons happened.

EW: Yeah, like a relaunch almost.

RG: Yeah, it was a relaunch. So it was, you know, a blessing. We're all grateful for it.

EW: Which is great. You guys came out with a bang. The ratings were great. You guys were sitting pretty in a good position.

RS: How many seasons now?

RG: Now we're gonna be going on our eighth.

RS: And you've been part of it since the very beginning?

RG: Since the second season.

RS: Since the second, wow, long gig. That's awesome. Good for you!

RG: It happened perfect timing right before I was about to have my first born.

EW: Really?

RS: Oh my God, perfect.

EW: Congrats. So your first born is how old then right now?

RG: Five.

EW: Five. And you have just one right now? You have a second?

RG: No, two. Yeah, I have two. I have a three year old. Little boy, Mateo and my baby girl, Genevieve.

RS: Oh, that's beautiful.

EW: Changes your perspective on everything, right?

RG: Amplified everything. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm also losing hair quicker than I'd like, but.

RS: Yeah. We just did a podcast and we were talking about parenthood, you know, and generational trauma and how I understand my mom now that I'm fifty-one more than ever. You know? My whole life, it was all about, I don't get her. I don't get it. I don't get her. Why, why, why? And now as a mom of a twelve-year-old girl, I just go, okay, now I get my mom.

EW: Yeah, you're not there yet. You're getting some challenges, I'm sure. You know that they say with the terrible twos, the terrible threes, the fucking fours, the fucking fives. That's it! It'll beep those curse words out. But I mean, there's challenges at every level, but there's also so many blessings and so much fun.

RG: Yeah, I'm sure right now as a twelve-year-old girl in this day and age—I'm sure it's insane.

RS: It is work. It's a little work. It's beautiful, listen, it's delicious, it's amazing. She's awesome. We have a little star. She's a tennis player. She's a good girl. But she is so fierce. She's fiercely independent, and she's at the age that I know everything and you don't know anything and just leave me alone because I am finding who I am. And sometimes you want to slap her and be like, you don't know, you don't know shit. So it's interesting.

EW: Let me ask you this, Ryan, because we were just having a conversation about our son is very, very passive. And I mean, he's coming out of his shell more and more, but we have some good friends that started their kids at a very young age in jujitsu and all these things that are just great training grounds to learn for self-esteem, for self-defense, for all these things, right? You grew up doing taekwondo, correct? Got your black belt in taekwondo. Started where you were like around eight, am I right? In that range?

RG: Yeah, it was my seventh year old birthday I started, yeah.

EW: What was the reason that, was that just, why not, I'm gonna try something new? Or was there something that prompted you to go, ah, taekwondo, I wanna jump in?

RG: Way too many Bruce Lee films.

EW: Yeah, I was gonna say, because I used to love watching movies like that too and get excited. So that—it just became a cool thing. You're like, I wanna do it.

RG: It was, honestly, it was everything. Bruce Lee was my idol, he still is my idol. From the philosophical to the physical, it was just a key component in my own evolution. So as I got to read more books, I mean, I was a young kid reading Bruce Lee books and Richard Marchenko books, which are Navy Seal books. I don't know why my interest led me there, but I feel like I needed that kind of structure. And that structure has been such an incredible foundation for, I mean, all of the success that I've been able to be grateful to get. So I highly advise every parent to put their kids into Jiu-Jitsu, wrestling at least, if not some Taekwondo or karate or some kind of martial arts, especially if you're a boy.

RS: I told you.

EW: I'm open to it. I have no problem with it.

RS: We just talked about this.

EW: I have no problem with that. I just know my kid's not gonna do it yet. He's six. I just know like his personality. He did a version of like a Taekwondo for a bit. He lasted, it was like, you know, little kids running around.”

RS: No he never—he did karate.

EW: Well karate. I think it was Taekwondo.

RS: No, it was karate.

EW: It was for sure a blend.

RS: Really?

EW: For sure a blend, it wasn't just straight cut. But he did it for a few years and then kind of got bored, right? And like with any discipline, it takes a lot of work, a lot of patience. I think the age you started feels like a pretty solid age to dive into something that takes that much focus and patience as well to learn.

RS: Did they get hurt though? At six and at seven, when you see them fighting and doing Jiu Jitsu, that is such a physical and a contact sport, do they get hurt?

RG: Yeah, I mean, they can get hurt, but they can also heal really quick. They're young. So I mean, when I was doing Taekwondo, I ended up sparring guys that were like actually twenty-years old to even my master and actually got taken out of—what was it?—a tournament because I broke my hand trying to break, I'm trying to block one of his kicks.

EW: Oh wow.

RS: Oh no.

RG: Yeah. I would say there's different, you know, personality types. I think from one to six, it's less about the structure and less about the discipline. It's more about play.

EW: Yeah.

RG: How can you allow them to feel comfortable in their own bodies and know their movement and then play with this now new martial art? And then after that, then yeah, you start to develop more structure and discipline and say, this is, you know, we got to tame the mind before we tame the body. And you start to understand a little bit more of why it's called an art, martial art.

EW: And when you first started competing, what age were you when you jumped in and then you started fighting, taking shots?

RG: I think it was right away. I was like, I'm around maybe eight, nine. Yeah, around that time.

EW: You learn life lessons quick, right? Like Mike Tyson says, everybody's got a plan till you get punched in the face. Then you have to figure it out.

RG: Yeah, yeah, I wanted to be quick. I wanted to be powerful. And I think another reason why I liked Bruce Lee so much is he was a tiny man. He wasn't a massive, like Michael Jai White kind of guy. So he was able to demand respect just off of his own technique. And I thought, you know, okay, I need to copy that. Technique can beat power and strength or technique can beat strength. So I ended up doing that and proving to myself like, oh, even at eight years old, I can be a force. And as soon as I started doing actual sparring, I just kind of fell in love with it, with the competition of it.”

RS: So Taekwondo and then MMA, right? Because you did a little bit of MMA. So all this is just fighting. When did acting came to the table? Like, and how?

RG: The acting was something I never even thought of coming from Sacramento, I mean, that's not even something that we talk about out there. And it's either martial arts or working for the state or an automotive job. But none of that called me. I was doing modeling in San Francisco. I got offered to do a photo shoot in LA, and I just asked my modeling agency from San Fran to hook me up with an agency in LA, not knowing the racket that modeling is. And I stayed in a one bedroom with five guys creating a massive amount of debt before I learned there was commercials and there was acting available. And I think the competitive streak just kind of clicked. And I was like, well, I want to get out of this situation. That seems to be making a lot more money. And this is the time and day where commercials—the nationals were actually bringing in some money. I don't know if the landscape's the same anymore.”

EW: It's very different for sure.

RG: Yeah, so I was very fortunate at the time to catch the tail end of that. And then I remember being a new twenty-three year old in LA. I'm going to clubs, I'm enjoying, I'm having a great time. And I'm seeing some of the guys that are being successful as actors. And they're kind of like, they were idiots, to be honest. So I was like, how are these guys, you know, so successful? Like I got to try this acting thing out. And I remember I didn't have enough money to download scripts. So I would just take the same page or pages that I had in my place and I'd write my own scripts off of the internet. And I would invite two or three, maybe even five guys over to the house, and I'd just start doing those scenes in front of them. And that was kind of my acting class. And then I went and auditioned for a manager, didn't get that manager, got another one who is my manager today. Three months after that, I booked the lead in Step Up and my life forever changed.

RS: Oh my God. So it was fast.

RG: Within nine months. So yeah.

RS: That's incredible. Good for you. That's incredible.”

EW: I can relate to your journey in a lot of ways. I had a similar—I went from sports to modeling to the same thing, curiosity with acting, reading different books about acting, seeing people do commercials. And like you said, back in the day, you could do one national commercial and if it was a good one, you could actually make your living for the year off of just one commercial. And little by little, just very, very similar path. I didn't get one big movie out the gate that changed my career. It took a lot of grinding. That's an amazing blessing to have something like that happen. And then you have to balance the ebbs and flows of this business at that point, right?

RS: The dancing was just organic to you? Or you were a dancer? A lot of people have that question. Does he really dance?

RG: It was something, I think it's—culturally, I don't know, just being Mexican-American, I was literally raised with my family going to do, like Quinces' [Quinceañeras], or like just parties in general, we'd always dance. And it was less about the one, two, three, ba, one, two, like doing any kind of structured kind of stuff, more of the feel. And I've always loved dancing, but never on that level.

RS: How was it having to follow choreography?

RG: It was kind of like fighting. I put it next to it because the amount of hours we did—we did eight hours every single day for about two, three months. I remember seeing the guy that, and I feel bad because I gave him such a hard time. He was supposed to be my dance double, but my competitive streak was just like, no, no, no. I gotta be that guy. So I would do the eight hours with everybody and then I'd videotape our session and I'd go home and I'd do another two, three hours by myself. And just go over and over, and then I ended up being in every scene.

RS: That's awesome.

EW: Good for you.

RS: Have you done a movie playing a fighter, like an MMA, a boxer or something like that? Have you done that already?

RG: I've not. I've wanted to for the longest time. And I don't know if—I think it'll come. Everything's happening for a reason. I believe in... to, actually what you were saying earlier, getting that job right out the gate, it was overwhelming. It was too much for me at the time. I wasn't ready to be catapulted in the way I was. And I wasn't an actor really. I wasn't really a dancer. I had kind of just been fooling everybody.

RS: How old were you?

RG: I was twenty-three.

RS: Oh baby, okay.

RG: Yeah, so I'm brand new with all this.

EW: Months in, like you said, months in.

RG: Yeah, and everybody's thinking that I'm this thing and I'm kind of taking it. My ego was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe I am. And then reality kind of checked me and the next movie I did and two movies after that were bombs and I realized I don't know anything about this business. So I would say up until maybe three years ago, I didn't really call myself an actor and I was just lucky to count my stars that I was amongst other actors that were like a Jennifer Lopez or working with the Richard Linklater and now Glenn Powell being who he is now. So just super grateful that I got the time and maybe the hustle that I had, those combined allowed me to stay and have some longevity in this career.

RS: Did you get caught up in the whole business—the ugly dark side of Hollywood because you were so young and it came so fast?

RG: I didn't get caught up, but I definitely got put onto it, and it quickly showed me I want no part of it. That's why I kind of say to myself, I stay with my kids. I rarely do any press, but that was just like, the fame game was never something... I don't want to be seen too much and then have to speak in front of thousands of people as if I'm speaking for them. I can only speak for myself and my experience and hopefully people connect to it. But I saw a lot of people that were not necessarily skilled in any asset becoming really famous and rich. And it kind of just wasn't feeding anything other than a hole in the soul. So it kind of made me go a different direction.

RS: That's amazing.

EW: Do you remember on your climb at any point—maybe an older actor you came across that maybe, maybe not a full mentor—but somebody who guided you or gave you some words of wisdom early on that might have helped you navigate this business or any of that even failed you and just set you back going, oh, that was a horrible example of somebody on set? You don't have to name names if you don't want, but I'm just curious if you had people that hit those marks.

RG: I've definitely been blessed to be, I mean, I've worked with some of the greats, Edward James Olmos, Jennifer Lopez, I mean, Juliette Lewis. I've worked [with] some amazing actors and actresses. I could, yeah, I would never name names, but I have gotten some really good advice and some really like [makes a noise] advice. And... so grateful for the good advice. Eddie Olmos has given me some incredible advice. He's just a sound individual.

EW: He's a great human.

RG: Yeah, and his son, Michael Olmos, another sound individual. But I think it was just on all aspects—just stay true to you. I think that's the general narrative that I've gotten from plenty of other individuals. It's just, no one can do you. And your uniqueness is meant to kind of shine in its own unique way. So if you're trying to be—I can't be Antonio Banderas I can't be, even though I'm a Latin actor, I can't be somebody else that's already had that role. I need to just kind of explore myself and allow that to shine, and that's what I feel like I'm just starting to tap into these past couple of years. So I'm really excited to see where it goes.”

RS: Before we talk about your movie coming out tomorrow—and listen, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, because we want to be very respectful—but we read that and you came out openly saying that you had to deal with some mental situations, and you battle a little bit of depression at some point in your life. Only if you want to talk about it, otherwise we don't have to. I was just very curious, where did depression come from? If you even know.

RG: Yeah, I've spent many, many years dissecting where the depression has come from, and it's essentially from people pleasing. It's a trauma coping mechanism that I started a long time ago when I was a child, and I didn't even realize it. And it's kind of these things that I'm aware of now raising my own children to give them less to work on later on in life and give them a better foundation. But yeah, as I got older, I started to realize that I was people pleasing so much to a detriment that I had nothing left for myself. And I've even watched old interviews and where I'm smiling the whole time and trying to say the right thing and do the right thing and be the perfect individual, be the all-American boy, and that's not who I really am. I'm flawed and I have my own issues, and I think being raised a Mexican-American man who's not supposed to tap into his feelings or understand them, let alone, that set me back a lot. So I came to a point about seven years ago where I reached my limit, and I had just seen my parents' divorce. I had just gone through a horrible relationship, and I was looking around for some kind of aid, somebody to be there, and no one was there.

And I realized that I had been leaning on the wrong people. So feeling that lonely, feeling like you wake up and you just know what's gonna happen every single day is just kind of a time suck and it's quicksand, and that's how the depression kind of starts. And luckily, I got a second chance, and from that moment forward, it kind of just awoken—I awoke into something new, something better and a path towards a purpose. So. Yeah.

RS: The second chance came from within, from a person, from a book?

RG: The second chance came from my attempt at not working. So I'm a very extremist person type, and right after my attempt did not work, I just started crying like crazy. And I was in a horrible environment. Somebody was yelling at the other side of the door. You know, just horrible things were happening at the time. And then after I stopped crying, I remember sitting on my bed and just having this moment of like this epiphany. You can't ever be the same. You got to be something different because you've already reached the absolute limit with this type of person you are. You got to deconstruct, break everything down because the foundation you've been building on is so fractured and cracked. And for the last six, seven years now, I've broken myself down and try to stay as humble as I possibly can and look at all the horrible things about me and then kind of start from there and rebuild and heal and allow myself to be a different individual and actually show and implore people to change via changing myself.

RS: That's amazing.

EW: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think a lot of our listeners will gain a lot just hearing. Maybe they don't go through something to the extent you went through, but everybody deals with some sort of down moment, whether it gets as far as a deep depression or not, and a lot of people don't know how to even pull out of the simplest thing. And you, like you said, hit a level of rock bottom and had that epiphany. Thank God. Now, I mean, you're a dad and you have so much to offer your children and let alone your own— yourself and your life. You have so much more to do—so thank you for sharing that. That's powerful.

RS: I'm assuming spirituality is very important in your life at the moment.

RG: Yes. Yes. Yeah. That's part of my purpose as well. I was raised a Catholic. I was an altar boy at one point in time. I went into the seminary for a little bit. And then I kind of disassociated with the church and religion in general. I saw the underbelly of it. But yeah, my spirituality is—I started to reread the Bible and tap back into my spirituality and just be open to Eastern and Western, allowing all forms to kind of really like be permeable. So I think there's so much to this life that to say that you know it all is kind of cutting yourself off of so much opportunity and abundance. Yeah, so that's kind of where I'm at right now. Just—I'm exploring that with like-minded individuals, and propelling love rather than fear, so.

EW: It's great that you're putting all this into perspective in your life now because especially—I know every business has challenges, but I think in a business like ours, where so many people—their happiness hinges on the ups and the false belief that people around you have all the time—and the moment you don't deliver, the moment people's attitudes or perceptions of you change, or the moments—it's such a roller coaster emotionally, the business that we're in, that a lot of people, I think, aspire or want—they want it so bad because they see fame, they see that meaning, the all-encompassing success. You must be happy because people know who you are. It's like nobody has to know who you are to be happy.

I like what you said—just staying out of press unless you want to do something or maybe you have a social media presence when you want. But it's not because you feel the need to feed the ego to be seen by everybody else. It's something that speaks to you, so I'll do it. But it's not to please people. And that's what this business has become for so many others. I need to constantly please. And when I'm not pleasing, I failed. And when you fail, you feel like, what have you accomplished? You could have accomplished—you could be an Oscar winner and it still wouldn't be enough. Because you're gonna fail at some point again. Like it's very rare that someone just rides high all the way through in this business. And so I think our business is such a tough one to navigate the waters you've been through. But thankfully you're putting those pieces in perspective now, which I think is perfect timing because your career is just gonna continue to go and go and go and go and go like that, because that's just what the business does. But you've got the tools now.

RS: It's brutal, to be honest. So it's good when we find spirituality and when we have all the things going for us that are so much more important, like parenthood. Because for me, I decided to be a mom late in life because it was all about career, career, I need to make it. And I wasn't searching fame. My problem with the business—and the lows were low. Not because, oh, I'm not where I wanna be because I wanna be famous. It was more about why do I have to constantly prove myself? I've done big movies, I've done huge TV shows and then why is there, what I call in the meantime, this moment of nothing that all the stuff that you have accomplished basically becomes nothing and you have to do it all over again. And it's the constant, I'm swimming against the current. It's not about being famous. It's about why, like it's been almost 30 years. Why do I still have to prove to you that I can do this when just look at my body of work? I've done it many times before. And it is very frustrating.

RG: Both of you guys have great points. I mean, and both of you guys' careers speak for themselves. I would say that I've been blessed now again with this new chance at life that I've come to understand it's more about connectivity. Connectivity to like minded individuals and loved ones and connectivity to a purpose, which for me is creativity. So to your point, I always felt that same way where I was like trying to outdo my last thing and that was so fleeting—or get some type of money, some type of recognition, and it was all fleeting because at the end of the day, after you pass away, that's all gone.

But if you create something, you connect with somebody, that remains even after you pass. So that's what truly matters. So I find myself having deep conversations with individuals. I find myself getting lost in my art or my poetry or writing screenplays and just kind of just creating, allowing my own storytelling to come in and flourish. But it can be very defeating in the time and age that we're in right now. So many people are trying to be social media stars and do the next TikTok dance and say the next absurd thing to get all the views.

And I think they're gonna find what I ended up finding a long time ago, which—one example sticks out in my mind. I'd always wanted to throw a first pitch in a baseball game or at least be a part of a baseball game, and I luckily got invited to the LA Dodgers game. And I remember getting that experience and the people that I wanted there weren't there. So it felt meaningless. And it felt like I had no true connection. I'm like, my mom, my dad, my brother, somebody should be here. Why are they not here? I've lost all contact because I've been so busy working. I've been so focused on creating this brand of Guzman. And now I understand. It's like, none of this means anything without the people that you care about right next to you.

EW: 100%. Talk to us about your movie. This is exciting. The Present.

RG: Yeah, The Present is an awesome film. It's a good wholesome family film. Nice little comedy in there. Cause you know, Isla Fisher, Greg Kinnear, they're incredible individuals. The kids kill it in this. I mean, they're the star pupils in this film. And then it was new for me. It was a little fun role to play. You know, comedic timing, trying to master that still. But I had fun with it playing opposite of Isla. And essentially the movie is about a family who's on their way to separation going on divorce and their kids get gifted this grandfather clock and this grandfather clock can turn back time. So the kids try and use this to try and save their family's relationship. And everything that ensues is really nice.

EW: You know, when I saw the premise, I was thinking to myself, cause I come from divorced parents and I remember as a kid always going like, how can I just change this? How can I take that back? And so to put that into a movie, I think is a fun concept that anybody coming from a divorced family could probably relate to in that sense. Cause you always want to turn back time and go, is there something I could have done? And even though, you know, kids take that blame, but it's a great premise. That sounds like a lot of fun.

And comedic timing, like doing comedy and stretching, even though you've done it before and you continue to do it, it's like, it's always its own art form. It is so tricky. People don't understand how difficult great comedy is. Like, I always think some of the best actors in our business, period, are comedians, because to make someone genuinely laugh, like crying laughter, to me is way harder than making someone feel like cry with tears of sadness. I think people can tap into that as a viewer much easier than like someone genuinely making you die laughing. So just doing comedy as an actor is such a fun art form to continue to explore, I'm sure.

RG: 100%. I mean, Robin Williams is the, I would say my go for that. He shows—”

EW: Do it all.

RG: The comedy that he does is so based in truth.

EW: Yeah.

RG: It's so grounded. That's why it works. And obviously it helps that he can play like 12 million personalities, but—

EW: Totally, but then he'll crush the drama at the same time. Like he'll do drama, no problem. Then to do comedy, you don't see a lot of dramatic actors come over and knock out comedy like you see comedians go over and knock out drama.

RG: Yeah.

EW: So I think like it's awesome that you got to explore that as well.

RS: Is there one thing that you see yourself in five years doing? You have a successful show, and now you're a dad, you know, you're pretty accomplished. But if you can look at your future and be like, there's this thing that is my north is the next, is what is gonna make everything make sense and be full circle.

RG: Yeah, being my own director. Right now I'm working on a film that I've written. I'm working with an incredible director, Mo McCray, mentoring under him and taking ownership of my own career and allowing myself to kind of open the space and open the door for not even just more Latinos, but just in general for newer voices and more creative voices and human experiences. But I mean, there's always that one big thing to be like a Marvel superhero at some point in time.

RS: You will.

EW: You can have more than one North for sure, but that's a great one. That's a great one.

RS: You know, it's interesting. I'm going through the process. I'm leaving to go to Puerto Rico to do this thing that I wrote that I'm gonna direct. It's my first feature that I'm directing, and it's like, I want it to be like the second stage of my career. And it's so hard, Ryan, to—it's an independent film and to be able to raise finance, you know, it's years, you know, like we had Ricky Martin a couple of podcasts back and he was saying that he learned that in this business, everything takes five years from beginning to end is five years. And now that I think about it, I'm like, you know what? Absolutely right. It's gonna be five years, you know, once I'm done, I edit, you know, locked picture, boom, it's gonna be five years.

And it's been brutal. The process, it's been brutal because it's a lot of letdowns and people offering you all kinds of things and at the end of the day, it's all BS, you know, it's all smoke and mirrors. And the only thing that keeps me going is the love of the art and the love of what we do because I wrote it and it's so special to me. It's like my third baby. And even though I'm going through logistical nightmares and finance, is it gonna fall apart? Is it here? Is it not? When I sit down to do my shot list and when I'm actually doing the creative work of it all, I can do that all day long. All day long, because it's amazing if you love it.

RG: Yeah. Yeah, the business part of it is just—it's defeating. The creativity part of it is incredible. And I'm sure this is just gonna be, you know, an abundance of opportunity and knowledge, you know, for the next thing. And like anything you do in life, as soon as you begin something new, you probably suck at it, unless you're one of those rare few individuals that can do everything. But there is a learning process, a learning curve. And this was gonna probably be one film that spurs on so many other films now.”

RS: Amen.

RG: Watch and enjoy.

RS: Yeah, amen. Anyways, thank you.

EW: Well, Ryan, thanks for hanging with us today. This was awesome, man. Thanks for sharing everything. Wish you the very best. Obviously you're crushing it and you have a lot of great aspirations still to come. So we truly wish you the best.

RS: Thank you.

RG: Alright, guys, you guys have a great day.

RS: You too, bye bye.

EW: That was great.

RS: Oh my God, he's so wonderful.

EW: Yeah, such an awesome guy. And truly wish him the best with the trajectory and everything he has planned for his career beyond 911. I love that he's writing and wants to direct. Check out The Present movie coming out tomorrow.

RS: Tomorrow. On demand.

EW: On demand. Till next time.

RS: Bye, love you.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday amazing fandom :) This is a very emotional episode for Lucy. Melissa’s acting in this one is outstanding. All I want to do most of this episode is hug her. And tie Chris to the back of a truck and just drive…Our lovely couple are apart in this episode but it’s such a good one. I have a lot of Chris rage in this one so prepare yourself haha Let’s get started.

4x17 Coding

We start off with Tamara making Lucy breakfast. I love her natural instinct to take care of Lucy in these moments. Just like Lucy did and still does for her. I adore their dynamic so very much. Tamara is protective when they talk about today. She doesn't understand why Lucy has to do this. Noting Rosalind is already serving four life sentences. She doesn’t like that the DA is making her dredge up painful memories just to slap on more charges. Lucy tells her it’s important to make sure she’s charged as an accessory to Caleb’s crimes. That Rosalind needs to be held accountable for that.

Most of her victims didn't make it...She is one of the lucky ones and doesn't want to waste that. Can see a strong sense of justice brewing deep in her soul as she explains this. I love how strong she is being for Tamara. Showing her what a bad ass she is. Modeling that for her. Tamara still has worry in her eyes and says she’s coming with. That she will have snacks and puppy videos at the ready. Be her emotional support human. Since her normal emotional support isn’t with her today. Love them.

Speaking of Lucy's ESH he’s at the hospital with Nolan. His car crash victim was a a rough one. I can’t watch the cold open for this one ever. I did it once and I bawled my eyes out. I can’t do stuff with kids after becoming an auntie. Her being sad the popsicles were gonna melt for her kid. That her husband would be mad about the car.

Makes me think of my niece, nephew and my sister. I just can’t handle it. But kudos to the writers for evoking that out of me. Glad John was there in her final moments but it was rough to watch. Tim comes up to him and notices Nolan is still in shock about it. Gah I would be too. I still can’t handle rewatching it let alone living it.

Tim is so wonderful and gives John some good perspective about it. That yeah it was rough and tragic no doubt about it. But that girl is going to get a new heart because of it. Tells him to try and focus on the silver lining of it all. Love this man. His empathy has grown leaps and bounds since we first met him. Was always there Lucy just needed to get it out of retirement when they met.

Lucy and Tamara arrive at the DA's office and we can see Lucy tense up. Just being in the office is setting her off already. She tells Tamara she’s going to the bathroom. She is so sweet and asks if she needs her come with? Lucy tells her no she handle that solo. We watch Lucy escape into a stairwell. Poor thing is in an absolute panic. Rubbing her DOD tattoo trying so hard to ground herself. I’ve been there where something just triggers your PTSD.

All you need is to find somewhere to expel all that energy surging through you. Because she is having an intense fight or flight moment. She is desperately trying to ground herself. Breaks my heart because I love her. Also because I’ve been her. I know this feeling she is experiencing. Nothing worse than getting engulfed in that sort of emotion. It's like the walls are closing in on you. It's what creates that flight instinct and you just need to get out just to breathe.

To be able to function at all. You can feel the panic rising in your throat and you’re drowning in it. Poor thing is getting flashes of what happened to her. It's taking her right back there. We watch her take a deep breath trying to reset her body. She clearly doesn’t want Tamara to see her like this. Ugh. This is just fuel for my hate fire later when I wanna bitch slap the clown. My heart hurts for her in this ep. It really does.

Tim is still at the hospital with Nolan. He continues his sweetness with John. Saying if he needs to see a counselor he can. Won’t be any charge to him. Look at our sweet empathetic Tim. I love it so much my heart is gonna burst. Their chat is interrupted by the hospital shutting down.

They find out quickly the man before them is ransoming the hospital to get his wife the heart. Wanting to steal it from that young girl for his wife instead. Threatens that he’ll shut down their entire network if they don’t do so. Tim looks pissed as hell. Which is kinda sexy tbh. They’re at his mercy it would seem...

Lopez comes charging in clearly ready for a fight. Asking for a status update on everything. They have the husband and wife separated atm. Her husband is being held in a conference room with an officer. Angela wants Tim to take a run at Jonah and sends Nolan to crack the wife. Hoping either the IT dept. will crack the hold on the network or they guys will get one of the spouses to fold.

Nolan is a swing and a miss with the wife. So we cut to Tim and Jonah. Tim looking particularly fine as he questions the husband. Has his hard stance going on trying to get this guy to crack. Telling him to dial back the threats that if he scales back now it won’t be as bad.

It’s here we see a man with nothing to lose. We watch Tim soften a little bit. It's when he says his wife is his entire life. Tim can relate to that and it shows as he’s listening. Doesn't last long though. He goes back into cop mode when Jonah starts threatening again. Saying soon enough something else will start with a new phase. It’s here we see a complete lock out of the system for the staff. Phase 2 has started.

We rejoin Lucy at the DA’s office. Chris has to take over since her normal person is out sick. He tried to reschedule but Lucy pushes against this. Saying they’re professionals and she can do this. I think she just wants it done and over with tbh. I hate how he questions her though. With this smug authority I cannot stand.

The more he pokes at the wound the more we see Lucy get agitated. Like a cornered animal being poked and prodded. Ready to lunge and attack at the slightest provocation. He is questioning everything about Caleb being connected to Rosalind. We watch her go back into fight or flight mode. As she examines the pictures and gets more flashes of her time in that horrible barrel.

Love her snapping at Chris when he says he’s just ‘Wants her to be ready.’ Schmuck.... He has this semi smile the entire time and I just wanna clean his clock so badly. He is beyond insensitive about this entire thing. Not reading her body language whatsoever. Seeing how tightly wound she is. I wish Tim could be there for her. He would be a much better rock for her. I hate Chris and this episode just ramps that right up.

Then comes the moment I was to punt Chris down the stairs. Like skipping a rock across the water. See how many flights I can get him to fall down with just my rage. He starts singing her barrel song like the dumbass he is. Showing the clueless SOB he truly is. Melissa crushes this scene though. The shaky way she delivers her lines. How she backs up every time Chris tries to approach her. Needing as much distance as she can get in that room.

The way she snapped at him earlier should've been evidence enough. The writing on the wall was there. He just needed to be extra sensitive. What does he do? Sing that song. It’s the way he says ‘Yeah it’s evidence.’ All cavalier. No clown it’s visual proof of the worst and most traumatic moment of her life. It is far more than just evidence you stupid schmuck. That was her death song. She thought it was over and she sang that as a way to comfort herself. It’s a deeply intimate and emotional thing for her. He’s treating it like it’s just part of the case.

We can see how the thought of him watching it is wrecking her. He keeps trying to close the gap and she keeps widening it. He is pushing her physical boundaries when she is screaming for him to stay away. Being the clueless oaf he is Chris continues to try. Saying he’s sorry, he’s in the DA office, blah blah blah. Meaningless words to her in this moment. Her saying ‘Yeah you said that already…’ She is disassociating in this moment. Trying to distance herself from him. Because he has wounded her and she needs time to regroup.

I hate that stupid semi smile on his face still. He’s truly not understanding what she needs in this moment. Makes my blood boil. Further proof he's not the guy for her. Tim can read every emotion. Know exactly what she needs. Then there is this putz. Shouldn't be allowed to breathe the same air as her at this point. Lucy has to practically beg him to give her a moment alone. Shaking and absolutely wrecked emotionally. I hate this so very much for her. She is in serious distress right now.

He's so selfish all he can thinking about is absolving his involvement. Not reading her emotional state whatsoever. Trying to push past her boundaries. She finally makes him go away. He storms off like a child. I'm shaking at how mad I am rewatching this. Especially with carrying PTSD myself. One of my trauma triggers is my physical boundaries being pushed. He had no damn right to impose himself on her like that. Chris has already proven he’s not the guy for her. This was the nail in his coffin IMO for that. What an absolute clown this man is….Melissa killing me softly with this scene.

We return to Tim and Nolan at the hospital. Someone has died due to Phase 2. So the hospital gives into his demands. Let’s his wife get the heart. I love how Tim wants to clean this guy's clock. Telling him to lose the attitude. Gah if he only knew what was going on at the DA’s office. His rage would be ten times what it is right now. Jonah restores the lights but only for the OR. Tells them he wants to be there for his wife’s surgery. To make sure they’re really doing it. This guy is something else. Tim re-cuffs him and they head to the OR together.

Lucy finds Chris and he jumps up and apologizes again. She cuts him off not having time for his BS. This isn't about you bub. She asks for him to get her the video. That he’s seen it and half the lawyers in this bidding have. But she hasn’t. Chris tells her it’s incredibly hard to watch. Lucy doesn’t care and tells him she needs to see it. My girl I just wanna hug her. Also I’m so damn proud of her for standing up for what she wants.

Chris having no leg to stand on agrees to show it to her. He has the gall to ask if he should stay? Obviously not you friggin stunad…Got me so angry I’m calling him an idiot in Italian. He really doesn’t get it. It’s ridiculous. After how she reacted earlier. How she's been this entire time you’d think she was going to say yes? The last thing she needs is your stupid ass there. She thanks him for the video. He doesn’t deserve that,

All he deserves is a swift kick to the nads. So he doesn't reproduce little clueless offspring….Whoever set up these shots did a good job btw. They are so well done. She’s psyching herself up to press play. The shot of her with her ring. We see it visible on her hand. The ring that saved her life. The ring Tim found and held onto until she was ready to have it back. Trying to ground herself before watching this. The way her hand shakes before she hits play gets me all in the feels.

Melissa continues to crush this scene. Watching her watch that video makes me wanna cry. It’s so hard to watch her witness the worst moment of her life. Once again another beautiful shot of Melissa above. The way she closes her eyes as she listens to herself sing, the way she touches her lips in an anxious manner, the ring close to her as she continues to listen. Having the object that saved her close to her as she watches. Like a safety blanket as she takes in the video.

You can see her whole body trembling as she tries to get through it. Hurts my damn heart to watch unfold. Serious props to Melissa for conveying so damn much in this short scene. Lucy trying to prove to herself she is strong by watching this. By going through with this whole thing at all. Trying to push down all the emotions eating away at her. Last ep all I did was laugh. This one all it does is hurt my heart. Hurt for her. It's so good though.

We return to the hospital. They’re wheeling Jonah’s wife back. Tim is super stern with him and I’m here for it. You tell him babe. Directs him not to mess with the surgeons or how they do their job. Is that understood? Jonah goes on to say how he never would since it’s saving his wife. The saddest part is next. The father of the daughter they’re stealing heart from comes after them.

Trying to kill his wife because if he does his daughter will live. The love a parent has for their kid is immense. How it it should be really. Sadly he gets arrested and Jonah continues on like it's nothing. Like he isn't destroying lives with this decision of his. They have to continue their march towards the OR despite this. Because Jonah still holds all the cards right now.

This next part gets me right in the feels. Nolan is able to get his wife to listen to the daughter. Her speech gets me teary every time. What a strong and amazing young woman to say what does. Did what Nolan couldn't do in the first place. Build rapport and get her to break. To change her mind on this whole thing. I think it's the fact that she forgives this woman that gets her to break. To let her know she forgives her even thoush she's taking away her second chance. This episode is all kinds of emotional in the best way.

His wife withdraws consent after that. Says she can’t do this anymore. Just like that it's over. Or so we we think. Jonah tries to turn off the ransomware but can’t. His partners have locked him out and want a ransom to unlock it. One the hospital cannot afford. Tim and John are escorting Jonah out now. He’s going on about needing to be there for his wife. Tim tells him he gets nothing since he let someone die. He’s going to prison for a murder charge.

John steps in and says if he can tell them who he’s working with they can help. It's possible Jonah can get bail so he can spend what time she has left with him. He lets them know who he was hired by. That it was their idea to hack the hospital. Saying they’d pay him to build the ransomware. He was an easy target due to his medical debt. He’s slowly figuring out they were just a means to an end. Tells them the IT dept. can track messages they sent him.

Cue to sexy OP Tim mmm. Tactical Tim is one of my favs. Also nice shots of his ass and I’m not complaining LOL The house is empty once they clear it. They're worried they've already left or haven't been here for awhile. Tim noting it has to be here. No way they could run that kind of software on a laptop. They decide check outdoors and Nolan see's transformer with a cable running from it.

Tim follows Nolan as he sees a massive cable running along the grass. They trace it to a container on the property. This is where the hackers are set up. Nolan tells one of them they can have a deal the other gets way more jail time. Just depends on who answers him first. One of the hackers easily gives up their partner in a flash. Tim's ‘Good answer’ cracks me up LOL I love him.

Lucy is in an emotional coma when Tamara and Chris check in on her. Really it's Tamara that says they should. Chris has no drive to check on her himself. He tried knocking once and gave up. Tamara is the one to push it and make them enter the room. She doesn't have time for Chris to grow some balls to check on her. Dipshit I mean Chris asks her if she watched it? Not a single brain cell in that head is there? How did you make it through law school sir? Seriously? Of course she watched it you idiot. I love Lucy for not testifying. This was so big for her to step away from. It was not an easy decision for her to make. Once again being the strong role model for Tamara.

I'm so proud of her for being courageous enough to watch that video. I get why she did. Everyone else had access to it. Seen it. I think it was part of her decision to move on. Her processing things was her realizing she had nothing to prove. Damn right you don’t. Screw Rosalind, screw Chris and this whole thing. Her saying she survived that felt like a call back to 2x12. Where Tim helped her see it wasn’t a failure but proof of what a survivor she is. His words sticking with her in this moment. I love it.

Tamara coming over and hugging her is the best part. She is so proud of Lucy for making this call. It was her's to make and a place she needed to get to on her own. If it had been up to Tamara she never would've gone through this at all. I love her telling her she is going to make dinner. They really are a make-shift family and it's so lovely to see. I just love them so much. How she instantly wants to take care of Lucy. Makes my heart happy in an ep where all I wanted to do was murder Chris.

How their relationship survived this episode I couldn’t tell you. His ass deserved to be dumped so very hard. Like a cat with nine lives. He keeps on ticking. When all he deserved was to be shut out of her life for good. Also of course Chris doesn’t cook... Chalk another one up for the clown. I seriously have zero idea what she sees in him. Other than just being lonely and wanting companionship. So ends this episode. I wanna say I’m sorry for all my Chris rage but I’m really not LOL

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

James and Nyla be cute. I love them. That be it.

[theflyindutchwoman]

But do you guys not fight because you don't disagree on things, or because you don't think it's worth the bother? Lucy. Yeah? You deserve someone who's worth the effort. […] Do you love him? I mean, we haven't even been dating that long. It's not… He loves you. I know. I know, and I feel like I should love him back. He's so great in so many different ways. It's just… He's just not...

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 5.08 - The Collar

After all the hesitancy, the longing, the yearning… the evading of the past few months… Here they are, one small leap away from getting everything they want… from getting together. And it couldn't be more fitting that in the end, all Tim and Lucy needed was to ride together again. This is how their relationship started after all. What forged their bond. Just like it couldn't be more poetic that the same man who decided to partner them up in the first place, is also the one who pushed them back together. Giving them the final nudge they needed to ultimately sort things out between them. To get out of that awkward stage where they were both cognisant of their feelings for each other but didn't know how to move forward. Riding together again means being back on familiar grounds, in a place where they both feel comfortable and at ease. And it shows : it takes them mere minutes before they are back to their old dynamic, joking about how hopeless Tim is. His grumpiness, her fondness… This is inherently them. They do what they do best when together : communicate. That's the one component that was truly missing since their first kiss. They both peel everything back, layer by layer… And what little walls they had left, crumble.

But what makes all of this even more beautiful is that Tim is the one helping Lucy with her feelings… Like she did so many times for him. This is what makes their relationship so special. They genuinely want the best for the other. This is why he is trying to be encouraging when he finds out that Chris wants to buy a house with her, telling her that is an 'obvious next step', even though it is killing him on the inside… Which is not that dissimilar to how Lucy was practically trying to convince him that getting married with Ashley was a 'no-brainer' on paper, despite her feelings for him. It's only once he realises that Lucy isn't happy at all that he intervenes… Once he witnesses how insensitive Chris is, blatantly disregarding her feelings after she just saw a woman being blown up… And yet, Tim never makes it about him or them. This is about Lucy, how she is settling. And he loves her far too much to let that happen without trying to make her see that she deserves better than that.

A point he makes very clear when he sees her getting more and more annoyed with every text messages and listings she receives. This is really the moment where he stops holding back, questioning why she doesn't just spell it out and admit to Chris that she doesn't want to move in with him. And he's not entirely wrong… But it is also deeply ironic since he used to behave the same way with Ashley. Maybe he's a bit hypocritical here. Or maybe he has the advantage of hindsight. He can see how Lucy is doing the same mistakes than he did : everything he tells her could have applied to his relationship with Ashley. He also has her best interests at heart and Tim, at his core, is someone who will fight and stick up for the people he loves. That said, Lucy isn't wrong either : she is trying to understand why she is shying away from committing to Chris. This is the psych major talking. And this is a very good thing : she has been lying to herself for so long, reeling from Rosalind and everything she did to her, denying her feelings, that she needs to untangle and unravel them first. Something she hasn't been able to do since she didn't have anyone to help her with this - until now. She needs to talk things out to process them and that's what Tim does with her. Just like he did back then with Emmett.

His face when she tells him she never fights with Chris… He immediately knows what the issue is. From personal experience but mostly, because he knows Lucy, how passionate she can be… how often they argue. It's part of their banter, of their dynamic. They fight and argue because they care. So for her not to do that in her own relationship is a red flag for him. It's quite telling that when he points it out, her first reaction is to laugh it off and joke - that is, before he asks her if she doesn't fight because she doesn't think it's worth the bother… That's when his words, the truth, really hit her. Her little intake of breath… She's starting to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Because she used to argue with Chris. She was this close to hitting him when she met him. But somewhere along the way, she gave up. The way Tim calls her by her first name to really catch her attention… telling her she deserves 'someone who is worth the effort', that she deserves better than settling… making sure to maintain eye contact with her to emphasise his point… The chills. The little clench of his jaw… How he turns his head back to the road… It's like he has revealed too much and needs a bit of distance. But Lucy is looking right at him, processing what he just said. His words are indubitably resonating with her.

And that encourages Tim to be even bolder a bit later by asking her if she loves Chris. The way he looks at her before that question - or after… He may be a tad anxious but I think at this point, he has a pretty good idea of what her answer will be. He's not judging her or telling her that she should love her boyfriend : he's simply guiding her, helping her figure things out for herself. And her silence is deafening. Just like it was when Chris told her those three words and she didn't reply. Tim is looking at her expectantly, but she remains evasive, deflecting by pretending that it hasn't been that long (even though it is probably one of her longest relationship). And he can see right through her : he used pretty much the same tactics when their role were reversed and Lucy was asking him if he could picture himself marrying Ashley. Only he doesn't let her off the hook as easily. The fact that the first thing she feels is guilt for not loving Chris back should tell her everything. And it is the confirmation that she stayed with him out of guilt, or at least, a twisted form of it. She can finally admit to herself that she doesn't have feelings for him, despite her best efforts to force herself to… She finally gets to her revelation, realising why she can't, when she blurts out 'He's just not…'. The silent 'you' is so loud and clear. Tim may not have caught on the implication behind that sentence, but she has. The way she turns to watch him and rubs her side, where her tattoo is, just highlights this. After all her denial and bargaining, she has come to that final stage : acceptance. She's allowing herself to accept that she is in love with Tim. And that changes everything. Again. And that's scary. This marks their last conversation in the shop, before the one in front of the station… the one that crescendoes in them taking that final leap together.

(To be continued…)

[writergracethepanda]

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥 Secret Shanghai Edition

the character everyone gets wrong

Marshall. He is canonically an excellent cook, s why are we convinced he'd set something on fire if left alone in the kitchen?

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

no comment

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I have seen Alisa and Phoebe shipped (let aroace people live and bisexuals are still bisexual even in a seemingly hetero relationship) or those takes I've seen on TikTok of people shipping Rosalind and Benedikt and Celia and Marshall if I weren't on my computer I would put sooooo many barf emojis here

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

luckily nothing yet I believe

worst discord server and why

mine with my friends its sooo annoying how we have incredibly amazing and intelligent and sometimes incoherent conversations like guys we're the worst (sarcasm)

which ship fans are the most annoying?

like I said, anyone who ships the above things needs to stay 10 feet away from me at all times and undergo intense media literacy training

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I think everyone's answer for this is Oliver. I'm so sorry we (especially me tbh) did you so dirty pre fhh I promise we've learnt our lesson!

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Oliver loves cats. incorrect. Cats are his entire life. there is a difference, and we need to recognize it.

worst part of canon

roma and Alisa's dad just disappeared before I could beat him up

worst part of fanon

we're too funny my stomach literally hurts from laughing too hard sometimes. Seriously though, the above ship takes that make my blood boil, as well as some complaints about how a lot of us talk about how we think certain characters are neurodivergent/disabled. While I think some of those are actually considered canon, I don't understand why people are so made that we (a relatively neurospicy bunch) are identifying the parts of characters we relate to and labeling them. We're doing you no harm and not interfering with your ability to enjoy the characters. Shouldn't it be a good thing that we're able to identify with the characters? Just mind your business. (also anyone who erases Rosalind's and Alisa's aroaceness that is indeed canon and I hope both sides of your pillow are too warm)

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

I don't think any

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I don't think anyone hates these guys, but why don't we ever talk about the couple from LVC? They were so sweet, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get any mention of them in FHH.

worst blorboficiation

I feel like a bad Tumblr user, but I don't know what this means. is this like uwu-ification?

that one thing you see in fics all the time

@typingwithmyhandstied 's GENIUS

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

Juliette always has the appropriate amount of knives thank you very much for that guys :)

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I personally don't get into the Rosalind is a vampire thing, but I'm cheering you guys on from afar (im just not into vampires lol)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

idk I should probably work on my university au

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

the fact that not only did she feel comfortable falling asleep around Orion (see one of @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist 's recent posts) but Rosalind was also muttering in French in that scene. Her dominant language. She was both out of it enough/comfortable enough with him that she dropped the I was raised in American fake accent and just started speaking normally in this essay I will- basically we need to talk more about the use of multilingualism in the ss books

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

past me would be horrified to know that I like Oliver now

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I think TVD can be a bit boring sometimes, but that makes sense, since it was Chloe's debut, and she's grown immensely since then

part of canon you think is overhyped

the seagreen trio is overrated (they are literally my favorite characters)

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

THE MULTILIGUALISM

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Olivercelia. Like I said, I was his strongest hater pre fhh. Now I see what she clearly sees in him.

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

discourse on ss Tumblr is mostly joking. my personal favorite is when @marsneedstherapy and I pretend to yell at each other in different languages

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"no one appreciates x enough" I do. I love them.

[salvadordante]

I finished the first two books in Remembrance of Earth’s Past this month and I’m working through the third, and I tried watching the Netflix adaptation this last weekend and I just…

I understand it’s an adaptation that has to be suited to western audiences but even so, why the fuck did they get rid of my guy Wang and give his story to like three different people?

Maybe I’d feel differently if I finished the show but I don’t know if I have it in me to watch the oddly stiff acting of girlboss nanotech lady anymore. I mean it really feels like a Netflix show (derogatory) so I probably should have came into it with different expectations, and I’m sure the actress was just going with the direction she was given, but it just really stood out how cardboardy it was, especially when I think most of the other characters were goodish, at least from what I saw.

But where is my man Wang?? Where is he?

Also I don’t hate Benedict Wong as Shi but they made his character less charming and more hardened, I guess. Not that he wasn’t in the book, but he was often the only levity in the scenes he was in. In the show the levity seems to have gone to another made-up-character who I’m not sure I see the point of.

On the bright side, both actresses who played Ye Wenjie were excellent, just truly stellar performances from what I saw. I may be biased because I love Rosalind Chao (she played Keiko in Star Trek TNG and DS9) but the scenes with Ye were my favorites, mostly because they stayed pretty true to the original story.

Overall, the only thing the first two episodes of the netflix adaptation made me want to do is try out the Chinese adaptation from 2023.

I may end up finished the show or not, but I thought I’d scream my thoughts into the void for the 7 other Tumblr users who like three body.

[makeitastrength]

You said in your list of episodes that you don’t like 4.07 and 5.04 for lots of other reasons and I’m wondering if you could say more?

Oh boy, okay, get ready for another essay.

(And again, to clarify, I love our show. I don't like to be negative and nitpick every little detail. But no show is perfect, and to me these are two of the episodes that really just missed the mark.)

4x07 Fire Fight

This one already made it onto my least favorite Chenford eps for reasons I spelled out here. But that's actually not my main beef with the episode. It's Nolan's storyline that I dislike. First of all, I've always found it to be unnecessarily depraved and gruesome. And I realize there are actually people like that in the world, and that's clearly what they were going for, but I did not enjoy watching it. They could have accomplished the same ultimate storytelling goal in a less horrifying way. Secondly, Nolan's escape is just absolutely unrealistic. I know, I know, he's the protagonist. And obviously I knew from the beginning that he was going to make it out alive, because they're not going to kill off their lead. But I honestly had zero investment in how he was going to make it out. I don't care how much adrenaline was coursing through him, I can't suspend my disbelief enough to make his escape seem remotely realistic.

5x04 The Choice

First of all, RIP Annie Wersching. I was so shocked and saddened when she passed away. She was a talented actress and such a good villain in both this show and Castle. It also explains why the storyline was wrapped up so hastily. I know they were limited in their options. That being said, I didn't like how it ended. I already talked about the Chenford of it all in my previous post (in short, there was a lack of compassion from Tim toward Lucy's trauma and a lack of closure for both of them). My main complaint about the rest of the storyline is (a) plot holes and (b) the John and Bailey of it all. Actually, part (a) goes back to the end of 5x01 when Rosalind somehow escapes across the border. Like... what??? As if the plates on that car wouldn't have been flagged??? There's absolutely no way a high profile criminal like her would have been able to cross the border in the same car she used to flee the scene, but according to Grey that's exactly what happened. And then she comes back just to torment John and end up dead? If they'd given Rosalind a terminal illness as well, it might have made sense. Like, she wanted that to be her legacy, to corrupt the incorruptible boy scout and make him live with that for the rest of his life. But since they didn't go that route, it just felt like she was inexplicably giving up. I was left with a lack of understanding and a lack of closure. Lastly, the actual way it all went down had too many unrealistic moments. Like... am I supposed to believe that Bailey and her crew showed up at that house and Bailey just happened to be the one to fall into that trap rather than any of the others? Too convenient. And for the life of me, I will never understand why Tim used an axe to try to break the glass (which was very obviously not going to break that way) when he could have just had Bailey back against the wall of the trap so he could shoot a hole in it and let it start to drain. I'm sure there are other details too that I'm not remembering, but really my overall point is that - even on a shortened timetable - there was so much potential for this storyline to come to a satisfying resolution, but that didn't happen.

[queseraone]

EXACTLY!! I understand them needing some bad guys but like you said—they introduced too many this season in such a small time frame and it was so difficult to keep up with.

My complete honesty opinion, season 6 wasn’t my favorite. Now there were a few moments that I enjoyed throughout the season but because they only have 10 episodes, I feel like they rushed it.

I have a lot more faith in season 7 because it’ll have more episodes, I just hope they focus on the main cast more. Also like you said about the finale; they basically only focused on the bad people like half the episode, maybe more. It made little to no sense, at least to me 😭

Also that ‘cliffhanger’ was eh. I’m personally not too upset about it so it’s not like I have to wait 8 months to find out what happens, but then again, they should have made it a bit more exciting so people have something to look forward to, Yk? (Sorry I need to talk about this stuff 😭😂)

Wayyyy too many bad guys, and here's the thing... none of these villains feel authentic enough?

Rosalind Dyer was the ultimate villain, in part because we understood why she did what she did (I mean, in theory - she was a straight-up psychopath... but that was the reason). Armstrong was a great villain (which, admittedly, I did not see coming at all!) because again, we understood his motivations, what made him go dirty.La Fiera, same thing. They delved just enough into her backstory that we knew how and why she became a criminal.

That's what's lacking with Monica (and Elijah before her). They're just there and we're told they're the bad guys and we go with that. Why did Monica become this evil lawyer?? I would imagine she wasn't always like this, because Wesley was involved with her, and he's not a scumbag. So I think that background was a glaringly missing piece. (And if I'm dead wrong and they gave this information and I missed/forgot about it, then... oops. But that clearly means it wasn't done in an effective way!)

Fumbled big bad story and villain whack-a-mole aside, I did enjoy season 6 as a whole (I clearly may be in the minority there!). In a lot of ways, it felt more like some of the earlier seasons (...until it didn't).

One thing the shorter season did was allow them to carry some threads between episodes, which I really enjoyed. We know the timeline leans very Jeremy-Bearimy, but it truly felt like whole chunks of this season could have happened over the course of just a few weeks, which is kind of cool.

And yet, some things definitely still felt rushed, especially toward the end of the season. The whole Ray thing could have been more effective spread out over a couple additional episodes. It would have been beneficial to take time to dig a little deeper with the big bad storyline, pepper that arc into the season more, etc. And of course, GIVE LUCY SOME SOLID STORYLINES AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THEM IN A MEANINGFUL WAY!!!!!!!

I really hope season 7 takes us back to our characters. That's who I tune in for (especially Lucy and Tim), so I don't want to sit and watch some random criminals for 72% of an episode (let alone as season finale!).

Totally agree, I'm glad that cliffhanger really wasn't much of a thing. There's nothing to stress about over the hiatus!

[chenfordsrollisi]

For me, you’re totally right!!! The writing has been so terrible lately. I didn’t know where else to rant, so I apologize in advance for the HUGE rant.

It’s getting annoying and tiring that we have to follow up with so many different storylines.

It doesn’t even make sense anymore. I mean, we have at least five more villains. Of course, we knew some from before but it’s STILL unbearable. They tried to fit so much into an episode when it could’ve fit into an entire season.

For reference, there were a lot of unfinished storylines:

- Rosalind’s accomplice

- People targeting the police and someone taking out the “guy” behind it (why was it brushed over???)

I don’t know about you but I’m TIRED of Monica. There was a lot of screen time that could’ve gone to the main characters of the show but it didn’t.

But what I’m hating right now is the way Everton treats Lucy.

IT’S INFURIATING. After Jackson’s death, it seemed like she had no one other than Tim or Tamara. However, she doesn’t have either at the moment.

IT WAS ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE HER DAMN BIRTHDAY!!! Why did no one say anything? They (Angela and Nyla) also brushed off what she said about having 12 undercover identities. I don’t know about you but they’ve never been encouraging.

It’s sad and disheartening that her friend is a LITERAL teenager and treats her better than everyone else on the show. With Tim out of the picture, she’s alone. I mean, what happened to everyone’s friendship? It used to be Nolan, Jackson, and Lucy. I know they used to date but I mean, come on, they moved on so why shouldn’t they stay friends?

The fact that Nolan’s more friendly with his ROOKIE is baffling. (I love Celina by the way, this isn’t a diss.

I mean, what happened to character development? We don’t see much of Aaron or Celina. They waste so much time with storylines that fizzle out the next episode and don’t matter anymore because either Angela, Wesley, or whoever can’t (legally speaking) touch the criminals.

I’m more upset that they ruined Chenford. For drama? This show won’t be getting renewed in the future, maybe there’ll be an eight season but come on…It’s upsetting how we won’t see Lucy and Tim together anymore. Wasted five seasons of my life only for them to break up and end their relationship in one.

Personally for me, I believe Lucy and Tim are the ones who have TRULY been through it.

I mean, I understand everyone else has their stuff. However, Lucy has been kidnapped and nearly died. Her parents aren’t even supportive of her career. Her best friend died.

TRIGGER WARNING (ABUSE/SUICIDE)

DOWN BELOW

!!!

While Tim was abused by his father, found out about his father’s affair, had to sell the house he was abused in, etc. He went to war and now the whole thing with Mad Dog jumping off the roof!

Meanwhile, everyone else is happy. Sure, they went through so much but they AT LEAST HAVE SOMEONE TO HELP THEM THROUGH IT!

THESE TWO HAVE NO ONE!!! They aren’t married or have good parents!!!

Sorry for my rant, feel free to ignore but I’m sad about the turnout of this season. I wished they somehow got married and moved into a beautiful house far away from this chaos, and had at least three children by next episode but that won’t happen.

There's too much to try and keep track of in too few episodes.

The pacing of the episodes is utter crap because they tried to cram a full season worth of shit (which is usually 20 to 22 episodes), into half a season of 10 episodes.

So the storylines are all over the place. The characters are running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Don't apologize. I bitch a lot on this blog. No one I know in RL watches the show, so the only people I can rant to are other fans on here.

Where do you get 5 more villains? I thought it was 3. Monica, Blair and the guy who I think is mobbed up, that Lucy's working for as UC, and taking care of his kid. Who else do you think is involved? Oscar? I think he just did Monica a few favors. I don't see him as one of the villains of the season.

As for the unfinished storylines, I'd be very surprised if they finished them. The show has a lot of problems and this, and the timeline are major ones, imo.

I hate Monica and have ever since she came on the scene. All her BS doesn't interest me at all, and I want Angela to kill her.

Who is everton? I'm sure you meant someone else, because I don't know a single character with that name. So, I can't comment on it because I don't know. Do you mean Primm, the guy that stopped her from making Detective?

I hate that Lucy lost both Tim and Tamara this season. Also, don't get me started on the birthday bullshit. Tim's the only one who remembered and even did something for her.

John's supposed to be her friend, but ever since Jackson was killed and Bailey's stupid ass got with him, he's basically been like 'Lucy, who?'

As for Angela and Nyla, I'm already pissed that they were being assholes to Lucy earlier in the season. Angela only gets involved with Lucy, when it involves Tim. Nyla doesn't give a shit in any way.

John doesn't have time for Lucy. He's up his lame ass wife's ass all the time, and dealing with Celina's spiritual bullshit.

Honestly, while Celina has grown on me a little, I still like Aaron more and want him to have more screen time than her. But yet, I'm assuming their scenes were cut since there was only 10 episodes and they had to force the drama bullshit though, so their scenes were cut.

Yeah, I agree about Chenford. They've both been put through the ringer this season more than anyone else, and yet they get fucked over while everyone else gets to be happy. That's such bullshit.

I'll admit, I like drama. It makes shows interesting. However, when the drama and bullshit doesn't let up and my favorite characters are sad/hurt/lonely/abandoned all the fucking time, it doesn't make me want to keep watching, as it's too depressing.

[firstdegreefangirl]

Tim and Lucy + you dont need to pretend with me

“Lucy,” Tim calls after her as everyone parades out of the roll call room. She works her way backward through the crowd and joins Tim at the podium. 

“What’s up?” 

“I just wanted to check in, see how you’re doing. With … everything.”  

Lucy shits her weight between her feet, fingers wrapping anxiously around her gun belt as she dodges the question. “It’s been almost three weeks.” 

“I know. And I also know people stop checking in, sometimes before they should. So, how are you doing?” 

She takes a long moment to consider what Tim is asking. 

How is she doing? 

She’s alright, she thinks. Her shoulder aches a little bit, stiff from sleeping differently now that Chris is sharing her bed more nights than not. And she’s tired, waking up every few hours between his nightmares and her own. She doubled down on coffee this morning, to make up for not waking up in time for breakfast, so she’s all jittery. 

And to top it all off, Rosalind is still out there. 

Still, it could have been so much worse.  

“I’m great!” She finally says, plastering on a grin. “Everything’s great. It’s great, Chris is great and we’re great, and it's just …" Lucy feels herself rambling and trails off. 

“Great?” Tim supplies, with a smile that quickly fades. “You’ve been through a lot, you know? It’s OK if things are … not great right now.” 

His voice is gentle, but he’s not coddling her. That, mixed with his words and the look of understanding on his face, unlocks something buried deep in Lucy’s chest.  

She sucks in a deep breath.  

“Can we … maybe go talk somewhere quieter?” 

Tim leads her to a rarely used meeting room, past booking and interrogation. He closes the door behind them and turns to face her.  

“Want to try that again?” Lucy nods. “How are you doing?” 

“I’m …" She chickens out. “Fine.”  

“Lucy. C’mon. You don’t need to pretend with me.” 

“I’m … tired. Like all the time, and I just keep having to deal with more.” She drops to sit sideways in one of the chairs, wrapping her arm along the back. “It’s one thing after another: going undercover, Rosalind, Chris, work … Chris …" She’s not sure why she says his name again.  

“Chris?” Tim echoes. 

“How are you supposed to break up with someone who almost died because of you?” 

“Because of Rosalind,” Tim interjects. “You didn’t do anything to him. She did.” 

“Because he’s connected to me.” Tim opens his mouth to argue again, but Lucy keeps going. “And either way, how am I supposed to leave him alone to recover? He can barely open a car of peanut butter.” 

“And just because of that you want to …" 

“No! I don’t know! Maybe? Not because he’s hurt, I would never. But since we … before Vegas, I’ve been thinking about it? But then we got back and … you know. So know I’m taking care of him, and he thinks we’re something and I … I don’t know. What do you think?” 

“I think … if you’re thinking about this, I mean, what’s your plan? Keep stringing him along, letting him think things are fine? That’s not fair to either of you.” 

“Yeah …" Lucy sighs. She knows Tim is right, but still. It feels cruel, somehow, to cut him loose so soon after he almost bled out on her sofa. “Don’t people say not to make major life changes right after traumatic events?” 

“They do.” Tim nods, sitting down across from her. “But I don’t think that includes things you were thinking about before the trauma happened.” 

“Are you saying …" Lucy eyes him warily, trying to keep the butterflies out of her stomach and the knot out of her throat. If he is, if Tim is saying what Lucy has been feeling since that evening they spent together in her living room … 

She’s terrified to think about how quickly she’d act on it. 

“I’m saying that I can’t tell you what to do. But I’ve stayed in dead-end relationships before, and they’ve never worked themselves out. If you’ve been thinking about it this long and you’re not sure you’re in the right place, maybe that’s your answer.” 

Lucy looks at him head-on now, his bright eyes and soft smile. She thinks about how many times he’s dropped everything for her. She owes him everything, and even so, she knows that wouldn’t change her feelings about him. 

When she smiles, and he smiles back, she feels calmer than she has in over a month.  

“Yeah … maybe it is.” 

[armoricaroyalty]

Rosalind’s confession — I love you! — was still ringing in Mary’s ears when the doors closed. Those three words had awoken something in her. She’d had a confining adolescence followed by an uncertain young adulthood, had spent a decade or more closeted even to herself. Her long years of rigid self-censorship had stolen her ability to dream, left her stunted and small, incapable of imagining a better life for herself.

For years, the future had been a blank white wall, static on a television screen. Rosalind had changed that. Loving Rosalind had changed that. With just three words, Roz had opened up a whole new world of possibility for her. Love was freeing, an unlocked door, an opened window. Someday—not yet, but soon—they would be together, open and unashamed. Until then, Mary would do whatever it took to protect Rosalind’s vision of the future.

Previous | Chapter Start | From the Beginning | Next

8:01 PM / February 27th, 2016

VIVI | [clears throat] Excuse me. ROSALIND | [sighs] What? VIVI | They’re looking for you, Your Highness. ROSALIND | Ugh. Who? VIVI | Some of the donors. Vance Marshall, the owner of the — ROSALIND | — the Daily Shield. [sighs] Sorry, Mary. Gotta go see to my public. VIVI | Are you really going to speak to Vance Marshall? ROSALIND | Of course! He’s a long-time donor. VIVI | He’s a tabloid crank. ROSALIND | So what? VIVI | So what? He also donates millions to Nationalist Party MPs. ROSALIND | Let’s not get political. ROSALIND | We are apolitical. VIVI | Your friends aren’t! ROSALIND | We do not take sides. VIVI | If you’re meeting with Vance Marshall, you already have. ROSALIND | I didn’t set the guest list tonight. ROSALIND | The Marshall family own half the newspapers in Armorica. If I want the public on my side, I need them on my side. ROSALIND | If you want good press, you have to play nice. It’s not that complicated, Vivi. Even you could do it. ROSALIND | I’ll introduce you. VIVI | I don’t — ROSALIND | No, I insist. ROSALIND | You have to start making your own connections. I can loan you my stylist, but you need to make your own friends in the press. [door slams] MARY | [clears throat] MARY | Good evening, Your Highness. LEONOR | Good evening, Miss Yokoyama. MARY | How much did you overhear? LEONOR | Enough to confirm the rumors. MARY | And which rumors are those? LEONOR | May I offer you some advice, Miss Yokoyama? MARY | You may not. But we both know you will anyway. LEONOR | [laughs] My, aren’t you bold? I can respect that. MARY | Please forgive me for speaking out of turn, Your Highness, but I care about your respect even less than I care about your advice. LEONOR | You are intent on making enemies tonight, aren’t you? Ah, but you are young. Of course you already know everything. MARY | At least your enemies know to expect a knife in the back, Princess. Neither of us leaves this room until you tell me why you were lurking. LEONOR | Dear girl, you are beginning to seriously annoy me. I am not a threat to you or your Princess. I have known her since she was small, and I was only curious to see what sort of woman she had taken up with. MARY | You can’t lie to me, Princess. I know exactly what you are. And I’m not going to let someone like you toy with her— LEONOR | You are a fool aren’t you? Quick-witted, but a fool nonetheless. You were correct about one thing, though: I am going to offer you advice even though you have done nothing to deserve it. LEONOR | It’s possible to conceal a fling, but not a romance. Do you understand? The greater the love, the greater the risk. You must decide now what you are willing to sacrifice to be with her. LEONOR | What, no clever response? MARY | ... LEONOR | See? You’re learning. Good night, Miss Yokoyama. [door slams] MARY | ... MARY | ...watch your back, old woman.

[icecream-junkie]

Fate: The Winx Saga - Season 2

Spoilers for FTWS Season 2

I only recently discovered Fate: The Winx Saga and, to be honest, I had not expected to enjoy it as much as I did.

There were many things I liked about season 1, but what really drew me to the show were the adult characters, specifically Farah and Saul. I was intrigued by their shared history and how obviously they cared for each other. Sure, the show focusses on the students, but I had hoped to learn a bit more about the teachers as the story continued.

Despite how season 1 ended, I still went into season 2 somewhat optimistic. After all, it’s a show about fairies and magic, so there could have been a way to bring Farah back to life. I had fully intended to stay away from spoilers, but I think I managed to get to episode 2x04 before I caved and went online to see whether Farah would come back or not. And I’m glad I did, even if it was just to avoid being hit by the full force of the emotional rollercoaster that was her brief return.

Clearly, I would have liked her to stay on the show, but if it wasn’t to be at least we got closure and a proper goodbye. I can live with that and I do appreciate the effort that went into making those final scenes possible.

What I do have issues with though, is Saul’s behaviour in season 2. Season 1 established that Farah, Saul and Ben went through a lot together. They are friends. Farah and Saul had a lot of shared scenes in season 1 that showed just how close they are. And suddenly in season 2 Saul doesn’t seem to care anymore. WTF?!

I have a feeling season 2 may not have been what the creators had originally intended. They had to recast some roles because the actors couldn’t return due to scheduling conflicts with other work they were doing and Eve Best got cast in HotD, which probably (understandably) sealed Farah’s fate. I’ve also seen other posts on here saying that they originally announced 8 episodes, rather than the 7 the second season now consists of. So it seems like they had to make some changes that weren’t necessarily planned and that may have impacted the story they were able to tell.

If they had to cut down the number of episodes, they would have had to condense the story. It’s understandable that they would do so where the supporting characters (e.g. the teachers) are concerned. After all, the show isn’t about them. But did they really have to do it to an extent where Saul seems OOC compared to season 1? It wouldn’t have taken much, just one or two lines to show that he actually cares about what happened to Farah. A noticeable reaction to the news of her death… But there was nothing and that really bothers me.

The same goes for why he ended up working for Rosalind btw. I mean, yes, I can come up with all kinds of reasons for all of the above. For example, at first, he was too busy to escape to go look for Farah. After he got captured, he worked with Rosalind to protect Sky. When they finally found out about Farah, Rosalind was dead, he had the Blood Witches to deal with and maybe he tried to keep it together in front of the students. Those are all good reasons that may have worked, but the show didn’t give us a single one of those. Instead, they made him seem very different from the Saul we saw in season 1. And while I’m all for headcanons and fanfics, I don’t like having to come up with them just to make sense of what happens on the show and I don’t think I should have to. That’s the show’s job.

[skloomdumpster]

Agree 100% on what you said about farah, rosalind and bloom! Farah herself said she made a decision to become a figurehead when she became headmistress and i'm sure it had to do with her realising how rosalind blurred the lines with her favourites and how that affected them. Rosalind kind of reminds me of gothel from "tangled" but more subtle lol it was great seeing her manipulative side in s2 (which farah mentioned in s1). I know farah was angry when she first realised that bloom let rosalind out but once things calmed down you can see she doesn't hold it against her at all and i think that's because she knows first hand what it's like to be played by rosalind and she also realised she should've made an exception with bloom when she needed her. The way rosalind could get away with putting the adults through harsh training since they were students and how farah admits people were scared of her and yet farah and andreas followed her without question is quite telling

Yes!! YEs!!

It honestly is quite terrifying to think of Rosalind's easy manipulation, not in regard of Bloom because she's 16/17, but in regard of the adults. OOC-ness apart, it's terrifying that she gets under Saul's skin, how she's breaking Ben's spirit in season 2, how she is still the biggest motivator in Farah's behavior when she's in a dangerous position (season 1 with the Burned Ones being back). We don't even have to talk about Andreas, because- We don't have time to unpack all that.

An unpopular take, but I love how larger than life Rosalind feels in s1 versus how she actually is in s2. This woman who's almost a boogey man to the adults, kept under the school but still fueling their actions, still controlling from beyond the grave (Andreas, Beatrix, Bloom), and they still have all the faith in her. "Rosalind killed all of the Burned Ones", it's SUCH a childish line and it reveals the extent of their faith in her even after everything.

Then Rosalind actually appears and she's a tiny woman and she's petty and mean and it doesn't feel like she's all that manipulative. Until you realize you're falling for her bullshit all the same. Did she kill Devin? How was he alive? Why let Saul be taken out of prison by a tiny team if not in order to make sure he got caught? So she could have leverage on Bloom? So she could have done something good for Bloom? Why invite Sky to the banquet? Why did she let Bloom take the book?

Rosalind's goal in season 2 isn't to be loved by anyone, it's to entangle Bloom in a web so solid that Bloom feels isolated and like her only way to "fix things" is by turning to Rosalind. A necessary evil.

Sadly Rosalind's fatal flaw is underestimating compassion and love in every single turn. Affection she understands, neediness, lust even. She doesn't get compassion, love. She doesn't see Farah, Saul, Ben turning on her in Aster Dell once they realize they killed innocents, she doesn't expect Andreas betrayal over his daughter, she doesn't expect Bloom to kill her over Farah.

[the-void-writes]

"Its okay, you can let go"

I’m really sorry this one turned out so long lol, but I really wanted to develop Marius and his relationship to the Lockhart family, especially to Val. Hopefully, I’ll finally know which direction to take this story.

TW: There are brief mentions of child neglect and abandonment in the first paragraph. Nothing prolonged or violent, but it could still be bothersome.

SOLM - Home

The snow was Marius’ first home. Bright, slow, colorless flakes had graced his skin for longer than his own mother’s hand. The chill of the mountains held him in its embrace when his own father never dared to touch him. When they left him beside the hospital, the cold wind had carried his cries through the windows, to the ears of Doctor Carrol.

The harsh winter had saved his life, in a way. It loved him when his parents wouldn’t.

Now, Marius admired the snowfall from beside the fireplace in the library of his new family. The Lockharts had been exceptionally kind to him since he first arrived. They never kept secrets from him, not even about his parents, or of the town’s “immortal” state. Their curse didn’t matter to Marius— they had shown him more kindness than his first family had.

Even with their love, though, Marius still felt like an outsider. He had no interest in the games that the other children played, but he was also too young to understand some of the adults around him, some of whom were nearly two centuries old. The Hawthorn Curse didn’t leave many children his age, either. Most of them were either stuck in their more youthful years, or had already grown up.

Marius lowered his book with a sigh and watched the grandfather clock in the corner. The rhythmic ticking of the hands nearly pulled him to sleep.

TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK…

He didn’t really need friends his age, he thought. His family was fine enough. Nanny Freya and Kristine could have suffocated him with their hugs, but they were kind and eager to answer any of his questions. Viktor was a wonderful source of conversation, even with his silliness. Even the detective, Mister Haywood, was a kind and knowledgeable man.

After Rosalind was born, the manor became even more lively. Her voice reached every hallway, and she nearly tumbled down each staircase in her rush to see something exciting. She was a pain to wrangle, but the comfort she brought to Marius with her presence made it all worth it.

Then, there was the master of the house: Cyrus Lockhart, his new father. Marius had struggled for years to figure him out. He was an imposing figure, who was followed by a cold aura everywhere he went. Perhaps it was the curse’s effect on him, but there seemed to be something more to it. Marius didn’t believe in ghosts, but always felt that whenever Cyrus entered a room, he was never alone.

His eyes fell to the portrait of his father on the wall. For a moment, the painting seemed to stare back at him, following his head as he tucked himself further into the armchair.

The portrait bewildered Marius, as he didn’t think his father was capable of vanity. He only ever thought of others, often going into town to help those in need. People would rarely refer to him as “Mister Lockhart,” only Cyrus. Everyone loved him, laughed with him, as though they were family. Their love was near obsession, practically worshiping the man.

Perhaps that was why his portrait covered the wall. It wasn’t an act of vanity, but rather a gift to a god from his disciples. The idea made him uncomfortable— not out of hate for Cyrus, but for the fear of having to live up to that image.

The library doors creaked open softly. Marius turned his head slowly, ready to hear his sister scold him for skipping dinner. Instead, he watched as his “mapa” emerged from the dim hallway, into the warm firelight. They smiled at Marius, and never in his life did he ever doubt its sincerity.

“Not hungry?” they asked.

“Not right now,” Marius said.

Val walked across the grand yet cluttered library. Their long, red skirt ruffled and flowed like a ruby sea, and the curls of their hair bounced limply as they moved. Even when they were clearly exhausted, they looked as though they had leapt out of a classical painting.

According to Doctor Carrol, Marius had latched onto Val as soon as they held his little hand. The theory was that Val still retained some of their human warmth, since they had only accepted the curse recently, so a human child like Marius would be more drawn to them.

That wasn’t the only reason to appreciate Val, though. They were calm and quiet, unlike most people in Hawthorn. It wasn’t that everyone around Marius was bad, of course. It just happened to be that Val’s presence was the most comforting in the manor.

Marius shifted in the armchair so Val could sit next to him. They adjusted their glasses to read the print on his book, and their smile got brighter.

“The Tale of Prince Marius,” they said. “How fitting.”

“Did you really name me after this book?”

Val chuckled. “Actually, I named you after a ballet I used to love. I’ll show you one day, if I can find it again.”

Marius nodded. “That sounds much better than this prince. He’s just a pompous fool looking for money around the world.”

“Ah, that’s a shame.” They brushed his hair. “I’m glad we’ve got a better Marius here.”

He smiled slightly. “Thank you.”

Val’s smile faltered. “Are you okay with the name? Because if you’re not, we can always change it—”

“I like Marius, don’t worry. No matter what, it’s better than whatever name I had before— Not that I’d ever want to know it.”

He realized the hem of his shirt was tightly wound in his fist, and he quickly let go. Val’s sigh made the warm air feel heavy.

“If it makes you feel better,” they said, “I don’t know my birth name, either.”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t think I was around my parents long enough to get a name. They gave me up pretty quickly.”

It wasn’t often that Marius felt the deep burn of anger in his soul, especially since he was just a boy— but whenever he heard about his mapa’s past life, it filled his mind with fury. Someone as kind as them should never have been treated so cruelly.

“My adopted parents named me after someone they used to know, and that’s where I got Val from… and some people wouldn’t even use that.”

A tear fell from under their glasses. Marius leaned over, pressing his head against their arm and taking their hand.

“Thank you, dear.” Val tried to smile again. “I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“I know, Mapa,” Marius said. “You’re here with us, and we’ll take care of you. You’re allowed to let go now. They were never worth the time.”

Val kissed the top of his head. “You’re such a smart kid, you know?”

“Smarter than Rosalind?”

They chuckled. “We’re not starting this again.”

Marius hopped up and put his book back on the shelf. Then, he grabbed his mapa’s hand and helped them out of the armchair.

“Do you think the kitchen is still open?” he asked.

“Oh yes, Freya always has something cooking, just in case. I used to hide out with her whenever the show crew—”

Their words trailed off, halted by a memory that tightened around their throat. Their eyes darted across the room, looking from shelf to shelf, as though they were watching someone walk around them. Marius patted their hand. It hurt terribly to see them in such a state so often.

“It’s okay, Mapa.”

Val squeezed his hand and released their breath. “Thank you.”

“We’ll help each other move on, okay? There are no more bad families, it’s just us.”

“You’re right… It’s just us.”

They left the library and walked down the hall hand-in-hand. Val’s mood lifted significantly as soon as they heard Cyrus and Rosalind talking in the parlor, a reminder that they weren’t alone anymore. When they were fully smiling again, Marius smiled, too. As strange and foreboding as the Lockhart Manor was, he was so glad to have a real home, with people who loved him.

In time, he was sure, his past would be nothing but a hazy dream. His first and only home would be with the Lockharts.

[saintgoths]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE - HEART TO HEART.

WORDS - 3,258.

RATING - 18+. [mentions of nervous breakdowns, mentions of lack of eating and fluff].

SUMMARY - ellie and Joel speak again about her immunity and the town is helping each other prepare for christmas within the preparation isabella meets an ex of joel whereas after venus and ellie share a conversation about their similar conflict.

if you want to join a the last of us discord/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

It had been the same night of the era Joel had taken Isabella on a romantic date, when he had expressed and deposited everything that had happened between Ivy and him during comforting conference he had shared with Isabella, Joel had been confident to share a dialogue with Ellie.

She had arrived to his porch deck, her face still and bleak towards the older person who was grateful enough for the auburn-haired girl to appear.

“Why do you want to speak to me?” Her voice rough and aloof, curt and sharp to his interference with her previous activity.

Unfazed by her brusque and concise attitude, Joel gently leaned against the wooden rails of his porch deck, somewhat eager to share the vital information with her, “it’s important, Ellie,” he softly shared with her, the sombre look on his face was deliberate enough for Ellie to understand he was being truthful.

She had pulled herself up the deck stairs, gingerly prepared herself to hear what he had to say. For a bit, it was quiet as Joel arranged himself to say what he needed to say. “The Rosalind family,” Joel softly mentioned which had caused Ellie to shift into a confused state, to why he had brought up that popular clan folk who had recently settled into their society.

Ellie had thought that Joel must’ve been trying to speak about Ivy, unbothered by Joel’s causal prying spirit, Ellie had waved her hand to reassure him that everything is fine. “Yes, Ivy and I are dating—”

“That’s not the reason why I wanted to speak to you,” Joel interfered, “the little girl is immune.” Surprised with the random data, Ellie easily realised who Joel implied about. “She thinks she’s going to die any time soon, and she just needs someone who is also immune to reassure her that everything is going to be fine.”

“How did you find out she was immune?” Ellie questioned.

“I found out myself, and yesterday Ivy begged me to ask you to speak to Venus,” Joel responded.

Ellie slightly stood up, inquisitive about the entire situation. “Did you tell them about my bite?”

Joel softly shook his head in response. “Ivy figured it out herself,” he answered, “but I did imply that I knew someone else who was immune so they wouldn’t worry about me telling the town about their secret.”

Receptive to the information provided towards her, she had stared at nails, contemplated on why Ivy hadn’t come up to her first. “Why didn’t she come to me first?” Ellie faintly whispered, somewhat insecure that Ivy hadn’t thought of her as a first option.

Just as dazed, Joel bounced his shoulders as kickback, “maybe she thought you would deny it if she confronted you about it,” he rejoindered in hopes to make Ellie less uncertain about Ivy’s trust in her. “Ivy’s a good girl,” Joel proudly mentioned, being around the Rosalinds had made Joel acknowledge that Ivy was exactly like her mother when it came to caring for the people around her, it was a great trait he saw within the two women.

“I know,” Ellie considerably answered, Ivy had made Ellie happy, in unique ways Ellie would’ve never thought of, her energy was refreshing and irreplaceable that had cognate Ellie to be ever so grateful for the Rosalind girl in ways she wouldn’t understand. “How’s your relationship with Isabella?” Ellie had always been curious of Joel’s association with Isabella, even though commoners would gossip about their popular bond, and Ivy sometimes told Ellie about the cliché and feeble things Joel and Isabella would say or do for one another, Ellie wanted to hear from the man himself.

“It’s going great,” he blissfully replied, jovial that Ellie had asked him about his romantic bond with the Rosalind matriarch. “We went on a date today, and we’re official, she’s an amazing woman,” he went on, blithe on the thought concerning Isabella.

Ellie sneakily smiled at Joel’s amorous stance. “I’m happy for you.” Joel had contentedly thanked her, cheerful in relation to his positive interaction with Ellie. “I’ll speak to Venus about the bite,” Ellie cordially informed the Miller man. “I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you, Ellie,” Joel amiably acknowledged the younger person who prepared herself to leave his porch deck. Ellie had beckoned her head, lauded with his response. “Good night, Ellie,” he kindly bided during the moment she left his properties.

Ellie curved to view the man who readied himself to enter his home, her small beam short and brisk as she watched the older man enter his cabin, “good night, Joel.”

1ST OF MARCH 2014

It hadn’t been long since from the time Isabella and Kai had settled in the society they had propitiously searched for, they called themselves the Oraphim, inspired by a celestial being from the Bible that was established as the Ophanim, Angels who were in the shape of wheels with eyes embedded on every inch of their body, Kai had been devoted to their religion, it seemed like he had been knowledgeable of the practice before they had reached the town and when they had begun to alight in the society, he was admittedly excited to join their belief.

During the era they had come to rest in the Oraphim community, Kai and Isabella had gotten closer to each other, romantically and amorously they had been interested in each other ever since they have met and every day of their travel, they had emotionally grown closer and had been popular to never leave each other’s side, avowed as “Kai and Bella”.

Forthwith, the two had sat in the hall for breakfast, they sat opposite each other, calm in each other’s presence and sight, faintly, Kai had sent Isabella a few glances, his hand wrapped around his fork, appreciative of the woman’s growth and maturity throughout the days. “You’ve changed, for the better.”

Kai hadn’t been surprised the first time Isabella had her breakdown, she would sometimes have a nervous collapse and wouldn’t want anyone to touch her. She would scream in her sleep, isolate herself or barely touch the food that was given to her; Kai was kind, and had been by her side through every disruption. Ambitious and eager to help her become better, to fight through her crisis, and of course, Isabella had been grateful for his entire existence, other people would’ve left her the moment they saw her disintegration but Kai had been beneficial and helpful throughout her entire journey and she loved that.

“I have a long way to go,” Isabella mentioned, flustered that Kai had seen every single meltdown she had recently lived through.

Insightful that Isabella was embarrassed for her traumatic response episodes, out of care he had grabbed Isabella’s hand, aware and wise that it wouldn’t be an easy ride. “And I’ll remain by your side, throughout the entire journey.”

It had been the daybreak since Isabella’s date with Joel, the woman had been downstairs with Scarlett simultaneously the rest of the children who completed to prepare themselves for the day. It was almost Christmas, and almost the entire town aided each other to assemble for the day, Isabella was one of the main persons to arrange the Christmas day and her children happily assisted their mother.

“Scarlett, do you want to prepare for Christmas with us?” Isabella kindly questioned during the moment she had pulled on her fluffy jacket.

Scarlett had paused, hesitant and unsure to accompany the Rosalind family on their task. Scarlett’s face was expressive enough for Isabella to understand what the blond girl wanted to say, but the Lucille girl was then compliant on their assignment and somewhat content that she had the opportunity to do something. “My winter clothes are at home.”

“You can still borrow my clothes,” Ivy attentively suggested, Scarlett benevolently thanked Ivy as she prepared herself to return to the room Ivy shared with her.

“But what if my mum interrupts everything?” Scarlett inquired, mildly clutched and fretful of her mother’s behaviour, she wasn’t distressed if her mother would do anything to her, truly, Scarlett dreaded the fact that her mother was moonstruck enough to be violent towards Isabella who had showed nothing but kindness towards her.

“Then, I’ll protect you,” Isabella easily replied, as if it was the uttermost clear answer. Gratified, Scarlett had followed Ivy to her bedroom to prepare herself for their upcoming event.

The family had arrived to their destination and the area was heretofore full and crowded with people who helped each other set up Christmas lights and ready the Christmas tree. The community was large thus extra hands were needed to assemble the day.

Scarlett flooded into a conversation with Venus and Robin as Ivy had assembled with Ellie who had an upset Dina beside her. “Dina and Jesse had a fight, so she’s just in need of a friend,” Ellie truthfully explained, and amenable, Ivy beckoned her head, sympathetic to Dina’s circumstance.

“You okay?” Ivy questioned, benign to Dina’s circumstance.

Somewhat appreciative of Ivy’s benignant stance, Dina dimly smiled at the Rosalind girl, “I’ll be fine.”

“Isabella?”

The matriarch of the Rosalinds curved to the holder of the voice, the tone was different and new from the one’s she was used to and there was a pretty woman, she was tanned-skin, a black woman with curly hair in a high curly-bun, she was somewhat the same height as Isabella and had cute doe eyes that were inquisitive and imperative, “so you’re the woman everyone’s talking about?”

Curious and speculative, Isabella observed the beautiful woman who stood before her, while she attempted to figure out who the woman was, Isabella gently puckered her lips, imperative, “do I know you?”

“I’m Esther, I’ve been at the Dam the week before you moved in here,” she kindly introduced herself, her smile bogus and concocted, Isabella slowly nodded her head ere she returned to her work and resumed her task. “It’s amazing how fast Joel moved on, surprising actually.”

Confused, Isabella raised both of her eyebrows fore she briskly became aware that Esther must’ve been an ex of Joel.  It was Isabella’s turn to be confused, knowing how Joel was it was indeed a surprise that Joel moved on hastily.

Isabella had forced herself to smile before she contrived herself to respond, “it must’ve been my charm,” she mandatorily joked and Esther had laughed with Isabella, only Esther’s laugh was genuine, Isabella had only tittered to seem nice. “It is funny that you two broke up not long ago and no one had mentioned you,” Isabella briskly commented, her tone to a certain extent militant to the thought that Joel had been with someone else, but she had to remind herself to not be crook and a hypocrite as she had her fair shares of suitors she had been intimate with.

Surprised by Isabella’s hostility, Esther raised the both of her eyebrows stunned while Isabella bid Esther a goodbye, Isabella finished her task and left to a complete fresh role.

Esther had curved her body to resume her given Christmas task, eventuality had bumped into Joel who was on his way to Isabella.

“Hey,” Esther greeted her voice discordant, her eyes revealed that she was to a certain extent happy to jounce into Joel who then gracelessly welcomed her with a short hello. The stance awkward, both of them artless for two different reasons, Joel uncouth because Esther was his ex and Esther uncoordinated because she had met Joel’s new girlfriend.

“I’ve met Isabella,” Esther forwardly mentioned, Joel embarrassed, he scratched the back of his neck, amateurish to what to say. “You moved on quick.”

“Life moves on,” he frankly answered, defensive about his hasty decisions.

Esther coarsely laughed at his opposing stance, his resistive characteristic was something Esther both loved and hated. He always thought what he did was right, for himself. “She was really nice to me when she realised I was your ex,” she bitingly conveyed, clearly sarcastic about Isabella’s guise.

Joel intelligent enough to catch the hint that Isabella was belligerent towards Esther, unmoved, Joel blandly gestured his head as kickback to the information, “I’ll talk to her about it,” he mildly mentioned fore he prepared himself to make way to his lover.

It had been a couple of hours from the time of the town helping each other prep for Christmas, Ellie had finally gathered the valour to knock on the main Rosalind home door, quietly prepared herself to converse with Venus about the immunity they both shared. The door was answered shortly after Ellie had knocked and the red-haired woman was met with Isabella who exigently thought Ellie had been looking for Ivy.

Isabella had curved her body to look back into her house and turned back to Ellie, her face inquisitive, “are you looking for Ivy?”

“No, I’m looking for Venus actually,” Ellie made clear, she didn’t understand why she had felt anxious, conceivably because after she had spent years thinking that there was no one was like her, there was unexpectedly a little girl who shared the same uniqueness as her.

Quickly, Isabella realised what Ellie was here for and had directed the Williams girl to Venus’ room then allowed the auburn-haired girl to have her private conversation with her youngest child. Briskly after Isabella had returned downstairs, Ellie had pressed her knuckles a couple of times against the brown wooden door that sealed the entrance to Venus’ bedroom. The little girl was quick to answer the door and quick to become confused to why Ellie had stood there.

“I’m not Ivy,” Venus poorly joked.

“I know,” Ellie replied, entertained by Venus’ dry humour she strolled into Venus’ room and closed the door behind her, Venus returned to her bed, quietly sat at the edge, arms crossed as she examined the older woman who stood in front of her.

“Well, is there anything you want?”

Ellie focused her sight on the dark-haired girl, she had wished she prepared herself what to say to Venus yet she had been busy being anxious than to ready herself. She had paused fore she rolled up her sleeve just as she neared herself to Venus’ bed, she silently revealed her tattoo that coated the old bite-mark to Venus who patiently waited for Ellie’s aim.

“Do you know what this is?” Ellie fervently questioned, free hand wrapped around the wrist that belonged to her infected arm, she lightly moved closer to Venus who brought it upon herself to inspect the limb.

She had shrugged, unmoved and in thought of the conversation useless. “A tattoo,” she forwardly answered ere she examined it more and saw the unusual mark she shared on her lower left leg. “A bite,” she lightly whispered, stunned at the view she briskly turned to look into Ellie’s eyes. “Did Ivy tell you?” She curtly inquired, in relation to her own immune bite.

“No Joel did.”

Upset, Venus had furrowed her eyebrows, the last time she had remembered, Joel promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone about her immunity.

“Ivy pleaded Joel for me to speak to you,” Ellie briskly reassured the little girl the moment she saw Venus’s disappointed look written over the young girl’s face. Gingerly, Venus beckoned her head at the data Ellie had informed her with, comforted that her sister, had done all of this so she could feel better about herself, plus it had made her even more grateful to have a sister like Ivy in her life. “Do you think you’re going to turn?” Ellie questioned, sympathetic and understanding of the little girl’s thought-process, as she was once in a place where she had anxiously and dreadfully waited to commute into one of those things that tragically took over the world.

Venus had nodded, truthfully, sometimes Venus wanted to turn out of guilt, she had the capacity to live a life hundred and dozens of infected people could not, maybe it was survivor’s guilt, maybe it was fear, or maybe she did not want to wait any longer.

“I had this bite for more than two years,” Ellie factually abreast the surprised girl who sat comfortable in the Williams’ girl latency, now interested with Ellie’s intended goal.

The older girl then rested her hand against her laps ere she looked around the room with an impressed look on her face. “I like your room,” Ellie kindly complimented, “way more decorative than your sister’s room for sure,” she joked and Venus joined in laughter.

“How did you feel when you realised you were immune?” Venus curiously questioned, in tune with the atmosphere, content that she had found someone just like her.

Ellie softly dropped her shoulders, her lips slightly puckered at Venus’ question, “I felt hopeful, I felt like my life mattered.” She responded.

“Your life does matter,” Venus kindly reminded her, “your life matters especially to Ivy.” Ellie smiled at Venus’ affection, she had normally perceived Venus to be cold and aloof, perchance Ellie needed this heart-to-heart conversation with the young Rosalind girl, it had opened her eyes to see that Venus was way more compassionate than people said she was. “How comes you felt like your life mattered then?”

Ellie paused, she was doubtful if it was safe enough to inform Venus what had happened, but compared to many people, Venus was way much mature than them, Ellie was sure Venus would understand.

“When I was younger, I was supposed to be taken to the Fireflies so they can create a cure from me, but things didn’t go as planned,” Ellie truthfully explained, affected by unhappiness in relation to the failed mission yet nostalgic.

“What happened?”

Ellie lightly glanced at Venus fore she curved her gaze to her clasped hands. “Joel stopped it because making a cure would’ve killed me.”

Venus remained silent, in retrogress thought, she tightened her lips, reassured and allayed by the silence the two were drowned in. She then broke the silence, her words smart and inquisitive, “is that why you hate Joel?”

Stunned by her keenness, Ellie had calculated her thoughts and pondered her response, she shrugged whilst she shook her head, unknowing what to think. “I don’t particularly hate him,” Ellie dubiously responded, at that moment she had thought of her answer once more ere she turned to look at the younger girl, “I don’t.”

“I’m angry at him for taking my life’s purpose,” she shrugged, her face pouted in dismay but she quickly gathered herself in a brisk smile, curious to what Venus would think. “Would you feel the same as me if your mother did the same thing as Joel?”

Venus contemplated about Ellie’s question, Isabella would never risk Venus’ life for anything, and Venus was familiar with that. Delicately, Venus knitted down her eyebrows just as she shook her head. “The feeling would be complicated, I have watched so many loved ones die because of the bite and knowing what runs in my system could help change the world—yes, I’d be angry and for God knows how long, but in the end, I’ll know my mother did it because she loves me so much to the point that she would sacrifice the world for me. I’m not saying you should forgive Joel now, honestly; you should be mad at him as long as you want.”

Ellie faintly hummed as kickback, she moved her gaze to the door, appreciative of Venus’ perspective. If Ellie was being honest, she needed this conversation as much as Venus.

masterlist

♆

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

Hello :) Could I request some riventrix angst if you still take requests?

Hi, Nonnie! I had to think about how to answer this because I don't typically take requests outside of ask games. Not so much because I don't like requests but because I've usually got a full plate with my own inspiration for fic! But I was recently playing the "Write 3 Sentences" fic game (though I was terrible at it since I am a wordy human), so how about we add this request there (even though this also is nowhere near 3 sentences lmaooo).

Also as a side note, I don't personally ship Riventrix - I'm a Stellatrix/Rivusa fan but I do like them as friends & partners in crime! My apologies if you wanted something super shippy but I am probably not the writer for that! Anyway, here's a potential take on how things might have gone after Bea gave up Riven to Rosalind so Andreas wouldn't be punished, and there IS some angst...

"I didn't have a choice!" Beatrix tries to reason with him, following him into his room despite his efforts to close the door on her.

"Keep telling yourself that, Bea, and maybe one of us will believe it." Riven collapses onto the edge of his mattress, weary from both the conversation and the bone-deep ache in his muscles. The lingering headache he's had since Beatrix left him in Rosalind's office two days ago doesn't help.

"He's my dad, okay? And I knew you were hiding something! What did you expect me to do, side with you instead?" She glares at him like the entire idea of it is preposterous, and the memory of walking down the school hallway with her hand in his suddenly flickers through his mind, thoroughly at odds with the venomous tone she's using with him now.

Riven sighs, runs a hand emblazoned with bloody knuckles across the back of his neck. Yeah, he had known something about Silva's escape, but nothing concrete. It had all happened so fast, and he'd already been second-guessing everything once Silva was involved anyway. So a bare second or two of mysterious fumbling in the back of the vehicle just before Silva got away was more than nothing, but all it pointed to was a fairy being involved. And yeah, maybe he had his suspicions about who would have been brave enough - or really, stupid enough - to pull the whole thing off, but he wasn't about to throw anyone to the wolves that were Rosalind and Andreas without actual solid proof, no matter what most of the school currently seemed to think of him.

That betrayal isn't honestly why he's angry with her though. He gets what she did. Why Beatrix picked Andreas. He could tell her it was much the same for him; that Silva was the closest thing he had to a father figure, and maybe she'd understand why he had hidden what little clue he did have about the escape. But ultimately that's just another thing that they have in common, putting family first. They have too many things in common, probably, and it makes his head throb harder.

Right now he needs to focus on the thing that nags at him most, and he holds up a hand to stop her when it looks like she's going to start talking again. "Just tell me one thing. Did you ever like me, or was it just about what I could do for you, how you could put me to use?"

It's not easy to ask the question, feels almost like he has to wrest it from his throat, but it wasn't easy watching Beatrix walk away without a backwards glance when she left him in Rosalind's clutches either.

Beatrix doesn't even wince. Instead she tilts her head, watches him calmly like he's an insect about to be pinned to a board. Riven has seen the exact same look from Andreas. "Does it really matter?"

Riven gets up from the bed, ignoring his protesting thigh muscles, his sore feet and the dizziness that threatens to overwhelm him. He's had worse. He crosses the floor to the door more sluggishly than he'd like, opens it and gestures with his head in an obvious sign for Beatrix to leave. She passes by him, her eyes locked on his. He waits until she's on the other side before he answers.

"It could've."

He shuts the door behind her, certain she hears the resounding click of the lock before her heels move steadily away.