#Bc that was very jarring in itself I was not expecting it

[shima-draws]

Watched the MLB movie and I just. I WANT to gush about it but the fact that Marinette’s regular voice actor and her singing voice actor sound SO different just took me out of it every time and left me feeling very disengaged;; At least Adrien’s singing voice kind of sounds like his speaking voice (and Gabriel’s is 👌 bc my king Keith Silverstein can actually sing and he can sing REALLY fucking well) but Marinette’s. The voices are COMPLETELY different and it threw me off every single time. Like obviously her singing voice is really good and I understand why they picked that person to do her songs but bro you could have at least TRIED to get someone that sounds similar to Cristina Vee. It drove me nuts every time she sang bc I was like “That is CLEARLY a different person entirely!!”

I’m realizing this might have been a dubbing issue but still 😭 I feel like I would have enjoyed the movie way more if it didn’t look like Marinette was lip syncing the entire time bc there was such a huge disconnect between her speaking and singing voice

[wrenhyperfixates]

Synopsis/tw: Dottore taking care of you because that’s what I need right now :’) not proofread. reader’s a bit depressed/has been crying a lot. gn!reader. non-sexual nudity. it’s sfw but below a cut bc it’s a bit long I’m slowly turning into a dottore fanfic blog ig

People say that to feel your heart break, you have to have a heart. Well, Dottore was pretty sure he didn’t have one, yet he felt a distinct ache in his chest when he saw your eyes, puffy and red. And those small gasps and winces as you slow and hide your sobs.

Dottore closed the door slowly behind him so as not to disturb you where you sat on the couch. Heaving a hefty sigh, he removed his mask and sat next to you. You’d screwed your eyes shut to help stop the flow of tears. When it became clear you weren’t going to be opening them any time soon, he sighed again.

“Love, look at me.”

Though his words were a short, simple command, the gentleness hidden in the tone of his voice—gentleness you knew him well enough to hear—turned the phrase into a plea.

For anyone else, his face would be set into a grim look of annoyance. New as he was to the soft feelings he held for you, he tried to keep such an expression, but his eyebrows still drew into a tight line of concern.

Eyes not quite yet dry, you do as he asks, gaze darting around a bit, but ultimately looking at the doctor.

“You’ve some nerve, trying to hide something from me,” he spoke again. Dottore cupped your cheek and you immediately leaned into the warmth of his gloved palm. “Just give me a name, and I’ll have whoever hurt you chained to a lab table by sunrise.”

A gasp flies past your lips, followed by a small chuckle. “Thanks, ‘ttore. Though no one did this, I’m just…”

He allows you the time to pick your words, waiting patiently for you to continue, and stroking your cheek with his thumb in the meanwhile.

“…overwhelmed,” you finish after a few moments. “Overwhelmed with- Archons, overwhelmed just by life itself.”

A sob breaks your voice as you finish your sentence, more salty trails staining your cheeks as tears once again spill from your eyes. Before you can blink them away, Dottore has pressed you to his chest, tucking your head under his chin.

“Now, now,” he tuts. “You underestimate me.”

“What? You gonna tie my feelings up in your lab?” you tease, though your tone lacks some of the mirth you tried to force into it. Still, it earns a laugh from Dottore.

“Hm, perhaps not. But it is nothing I can’t handle. I am used to working with machinery on the brink of disrepair and volatile chemicals… Perhaps it is not the most apt analogy for humans and their feelings, but I do know how to handle things with care.”

Humming in thought, you snuggle closer to his chest to muffle the small sobs that you haven’t yet gotten under control. In the silence you realized the second harbinger, a force of nature, had a very steady heartbeat and his stoic presence was somehow calming.

“Ok.”

“Good. Now love, I’ll need you to do as I say, but it is of the utmost importance that you make it known if I do anything that causes you to be uncomfortable.”

After waiting for you to nod in affirmation, he bids you to stand and follow him. Though, you don’t hesitate, you weren’t expecting your destination to be the bathroom.

Dottore ran the water so the tub would fill as he rummaged through some draws, pulling out a variety of jars and bottles. Some seemed to be what he was looking for and others he cast aside. From the looks of it, maybe you couldn’t be sure you weren’t about to become one of his experiments.

“Love,” he calls over his shoulder, “I’ll need you to strip, if you’re feeling up to it. There’s a robe on the hook by the door if you want it.”

Heart-skipping a beat you do as you say, fastening the plush robe tightly around you. It smells strongly of your lover, and you wonder if the musk is from his soap or if it’s his natural scent.

Dottore has the bath ready quickly, water warm and dotted with bubbles and rose petals. With your permission, he removes the robe from your body and helps you into the water. The rolled up sleeves of his button down get wet as he helps you get settled, but if he notices he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Everything ok so far.”

“Yes, ‘torre.” Your eyes shine with gratitude as you look at him. They still shine with tears too, but for the moment, your mind is elsewhere. “Thank you. Sorry to make you take time out of your day for this.”

Laughing he shakes his head. “My schedule always includes time for you. Besides, I take pride in what is mine. And love, lest you forget, you are mine.”

To anyone else, those words from the mad doctor would be enough to set their heart beating at a rapid pace and a shoot a tingle straight down their spine. To you, those words were coated in honey, whispered against your skin, and punctuated with a kiss to each of your fingertips.

Relishing in his touch, you nod and do your best to relax in the water. Dottore continues to whisper sweet reassurances into the steamy air of the bathroom, observing each microscopic change to your expression so he could adjust his words to be exactly what you need. His love was genuine, even if the way he expressed it was carefully calculated.

When he feels the water begin to dip in temperature, he pressed a kiss to your knuckles to capture your attention, then looks you right in the eye as he speaks.

“I intend to wash you, if you are alright with that.”

Turning over the prospect over in your head, you reach a conclusion faster than you expected, but the answer rolls off your tongue naturally. “Yes.”

He does not hesitate before setting to work. His hands, devoid of gloves unlike earlier, make direct contact with your skin. They’re calloused, and for saying he knew how to handle things with care, they treated you a bit rougher than expected. But, perhaps it was intentional as there was a sort of calming effect to strong, decisive actions. Something that kept you grounded when you felt you were drifting away.

Dottore took his time lathering the soap on your body before rinsing it away, following up by doing the same to your hair, massaging your scalp and skin as best as he could as went. Despite not being particularly practiced with giving massages, in tandem with the sweet nothings he began to softly whisper again, it did more than enough to calm your tensed body.

Once done with the washing and with your approval once again, Dottore begins to pat you dry. Instead of trekking to your room to fetch your own things, he pulls out his own clothes for you to wear, leaving you to change while he acquires some pastries you had stored in the fridge.

“Feeling better, love?”

Dipping the bed as he takes a seat next to you, he rests the tray on his lap. You reclaim your place snuggled into his side as you grab a pastry and pop it into your mouth. Fiddling with the buttons of his shirt which you now wear, you hum your affirmation.

The corners of his mouth turn down. “Promise?”

You eat a couple more pastries before answering. “Yes. I am feeling better. Having you here, the way you’ve taken care of me helped. Honest!… I’m just maybe not all better yet.”

“Mmm, well, that can’t be helped. Healing is a slow process for any wound, and I would not expect the ebb and flow of you anxiety to suddenly bow to my whim.”

“Yeah. Any chance you can keep helping though?”

He polishes off a couple pastries of his own before offering you the last one and setting the tray on the bedside table. Pulling you into his lap, he tugs the blanket so it rests securely round you both.

“Well, of course. I’m not one to abandon an experiment after a single trial.”

Resting your head back so it laid in the crook of his neck, you continue to let the his presence wrap around you and melt away the buildup of your stress. You press a kiss to his collarbone, and he responds with a peck on the top of your head.

“What about after two trials? Or three? Will you be tired of me then?”

“Honestly, my love, you ought to prepare yourself because the trials shall be endless. Or, let me be more blunt: I shall never tire of you. After all, you are mine. But more than that, I am yours.”

[thanatos-zagreus-shagreus]

Okay so I just finished episode 5 of Young Royals (s3). That was one hell of an Arcade jumpscare, I heard that piano come in and it was quite jarring bc I've listened to that song so fucking often.

Now onto the spoilers:

Simon's reasoning may be off but he's fucking right. This entire season Simon has been there for Wilhelm as much as he possibly can. He was there when Wilhelm needed him, did everything that was asked of him, even going as far as deleting his social media accounts. And for the entire season Wilhelm wasn't there for him. During the strike Wilhelm chose to participate even though the strike itself clearly upset Simon, and in the end it was Simon who came back and joined Wilhelm. When Simon posted the song, Wilhelm called him to tell him not to post such things, and telling Simon that the song was beautiful seemed like an afterthought. Wilhelm keeps being so stressed about appearances (which I know he also doesn't want to be, but he is), and keeps making Simon conform to the expected appearances. Of course Simon is going to be done with that eventually! Simon is going through his own trouble with being harassed, having his home attacked, and his fight with Sara, and it feels like he's dealing with it without Wilhelm. Sure Wilhelm sends Farima and security to help when the brick is thrown in, but he isn't there himself for Simon. Throughout all of that, Simon still makes sure to be there for Wilhelm, and to be sweet to him, and listen to him. Meanwhile Wilhelm gets a revelation about Erik and doesn't even bother to talk to Simon about it until it boils over into a shouting match that he's essentially having with himself. Sure he apologizes after, but that exactly is the pattern:

Wilhelm does Simon wrong, then apologizes, and Simon is just happy things are back to no longer fighting. Meanwhile Simon does his very best to adhere to rules he didn't sign up for and doesn't even know, and Wilhelm keeps telling him that he's doing things wrong.

I completely understand not wanting to give up on the relationship bc Simon already lost so much for it, and is generally enjoying it, but this relationship is so fucking unbalanced, and they have such different views of the future (Simon wanting to be in a relationship with Wilhelm where he doesn't have to hide that from the world and can still be his own person, Wilhelm wanting Simon in his corner to be there for him behind closed doors), that I fully believe that breaking up is the right move, and has been the right move for a long time.

For predictions for the finale: I do expect them to get back together. They are so fucking cute together, that I really want to see a world where they could be in a happy relationship, and open to the world about it. I would like for the season to end in a place where that is possible. However, this is also Young Royals, a series that wants to hurt us at every turn, so I also fully expect the season to end at a somewhat happy impasse, or even with them just fully broken up and both picking up the pieces. I'd love to see them get back together and fix their relationship, but bc all the aforementioned things, I'm also happy if they both just break up and find a way to move on with their life.

Also I'm glad I'm only just watching this now, bc that was one hell of a cliffhanger to have to wait a week on. (Though tbh I don't binge Young Royals that much since usually I have to sit for a few minutes and gather my thoughts before being ready for the next episode anyway.)

[followmetoyourdoom]

I've just finished watching the new Megamind movie and *sighs* thoughts below

I'll try to start with the positives - the Doom Syndicate without comparing them to the Doom Syndicate from either the game/s or the concept art were okay, decent even. Lady Doppler's outfit in motion makes a lot of sense and her powers are cool. Pierre Pressure is okay. Nighty-Knight is funny, I liked that he wanted the teddy bear and kept that throughout, plus he had cool powers. Behemoth was my favourite, seemed like he had layers to him, and not just bc he was made out of molton lava.

There was a very cute heartfelt scene between Keiko and Megamind about him being her inspiration to try to be a good kid, bc if he can go from a bad guy to a good guy, maybe a bad kid can be a good kid. It was very sweet and it's a good message to give kids.

Some scenes felt very in character - Megamind not knowing how to look after himself without Minion, Roxanne trying to help. There were also a lot of good one liners that made me snort or giggle.

The end picked up, I did like the absolutely pointless plan to put the city on the moon, that is exactly the sort of idiotic in-character plan that Megamind would make - the Doom Syndicate going along with it eeeeh less happy about, makes them seem just as idiotic, but then they sort of were in this.

Now, the not so good. The timeline is completely fucked, why change when it was set? Also setting it two days after the first movie was A Choice. It was even more of A Choice to have the city set post the statue unveiling which didn't seem like it would only be two days down the line at all.

The beginning felt too long and drawn out and not much actually happened? Roxanne was almost completely out of character - why the sudden existential crisis bc some kid has followers? Roxanne loves solving the stories and working out the truth, she didn't need a new job! And speaking of the kid, oh my god, her initial scene is incredibly annoying. I did grow to like her (due to the aforementioned heartfelt scene) but it was an uphill battle.

There were aspects of Lady Doppler's character that seemed... interesting shall we say, given they had decided to combine all of the women in the original Doom Syndicate into one person, it was very jarring and I'm not sure they pulled it off. I would have preferred to see OG Lady Doppler and either Rockatoo or Hot Flash (or a combo of those two perhaps). I just don't think that having a black woman be immediately catty towards the first woman she sees is a good choice. Give variety by having more than just one female villain and let them be their own characters.

Minion's name change, which I refuse to enforce, was stupid - they could at least have made it make more sense in canon. Maybe Minion wanted a name more fitting of his new position, something less evil sounding. But no, it was an in universe copyright thing. Stupid. And speaking of Minion, the relationship between him and Megamind oh my god where did that go? Megamind literally just learnt the lesson about valuing him as more than just a minion, as a friend. And they just threw that away immediately. Megamind and Roxanne's relationship seemed a little off as well, not as much as I've heard some reviewers saying, but enough to make me go :/ And then we have his past with the Doom Syndicate - founding member, yeah sure, but OG leader? Nah, not this twink. This twink couldn't lead his way out of a cardboard box.

I think I'm more disappointed than I expected to be, bc I went in with low expectations, I went in knowing the animation was bad (and looking past it bc low budget, they did the best they could), I went in knowing the voices were different, I went in knowing they had this stupid influencer storyline, but I thought the writing other than that would be at the same level as the first movie as it was the original writers. And some was at that level, but only in bits and pieces. It was incredibly inconsistent, both with OG lore and itself, and just seemed to throw away OG character development from the first movie in favour of re-doing it in this movie.

I wish they had more time to polish this, I wish they could have gotten a bigger budget, I wish they didn't have to include the influencer storyline to appeal to kids, I wish they didn't have to change Minion's name. I wish I wasn't as disappointed.

[yeehanfrf]

Week 16 Recs: You Don't Want Sand There

For Week 16, we're celebrating the start of summer in one hemisphere and maybe providing some warmth for anyone missing it in the other hemisphere!

I asked for "summer vibes" and y'all didn't disappoint. Behind the cut, you'll find the fics gathered from the Yeehan community, organized by rating and then alphabetically by title.

General Audiences

A Summer's Promise by Rikkichi [9,254 words]

Hanzo was there, kneeling down by the water, and he had some kind of bread with him. Hanzo was tearing off small pieces of the bread and tossing it to the water, letting the fish swallow the bites whole. During all of this, Hanzo had a smile on his face. A smile that Jesse had never seen before, but that he definitely liked. It looked way better than the scowls Hanzo had been wearing a few days prior when they had met for the first time. "Hey there," Jesse said, grinning as he waved to Hanzo. Upon hearing a voice, Hanzo looked up very quickly, acting like a child that had been caught in the cookie jar. As soon as he saw Jesse, though, the other boy scowled and moved to stand up. That was when Jesse realized he had disturbed some sort of private moment, and he felt a pang of guilt. Hanzo had been enjoying himself, so why was having someone else here a problem?

Teen and Up

Mid-Mission Summer Break by wyntera [4,609 words]

With an afternoon to kill, McCree encourages Hanzo to have a little fun.

Seas the Day by PersonalSpin [3,198 words]

Overwatch beach episode, written for the Summer Gift Exchange on the McHanzo Discord!

the turning of the tides by fishpoets [5,431 words]

The end of summer doesn't have to mean the end of summer love. (Or, Hanzo goes for a swim, has a haircut, and feels a lot of feelings.)

Explicit

a cold breeze, a warm sea by extra kanin (gracon_bacon) [4,458 words] Reccer comment: "only got one this time but it's about a sweet, sweet vacation on a private island"

When you have only two days off in a month, you make the most of it. For lack of anything better to do during his rare vacation, Hanzo decides to go to a remote island with McCree. It's a day he will never forget.

Away by Vimeddiee [29,154 words] Reccer comment: "Viv's 'Away' is a masterpiece so pls go read it"

Hanzo awakens to the feel of grit in his eyes and the crunch of sand between his teeth. This in itself doesn’t rudely force him into consciousness, but the insistent flicking against his nose that he groggily attempts to bat away, does. “High tide’s coming, you better nap someplace else.” AKA I wanted to write Cassidy as a slappy boy so I DID.

Binary by mataglap [4,380 words] Reccer comment: "when I thought 'what's a summer vibe?' I thought 'Cassidy pulling the ~popsicle maneuver'"

Hanzo is arrogant and Cassidy is stubborn, which results in the world's strangest game of chicken.

Catch and Release by robocryptid [19,481 words] Reccer comment: "Catch and Release, of course. Lifeguard Cassidy as a damsel in distress and cyberninja Hanzo as his swoon-inducing savior!"

Lifeguard Cassidy works at a beach currently being terrorized by an octopus-obsessed omnic. Cyberninja is on the scene!

Coyote Lovely by t_pock [WIP; 38,969 words] Reccer comment: "Coyote Lovely (t_pock) always gave me summer-in-the-desert vibes, even though I don't know if it's set in that season specifically. Either way, it's one of my favorites even though it's not completed."

After a mission gone wrong, Hanzo and McCree must lie low in New Mexico for a week. Together.

In the Summertime by ChillieBean [41,644 words]

Halfway around the world, Cole starts a new lifeguard gig at Bondi Beach, Australia. A destination on his bucket list, he was expecting rescues, keeping people safe, laughing and joking with the locals. He was not expecting Hanzo Shimada.

on a day like this (it feels like summer) by motorghost [WIP; 4,504 words] Reccer comment: "this one by motorghost breaks my heart bc it has the loveliest liminal vibes, but it was never finished :( it's still great as a one shot though!"

Cole enjoys cushy undercover work as a lifeguard on a small, calm beach with a handsome local fisherman, but summer can't last forever. Or can it?

Today is a fine day for... by hunahuna_un [4,058 words]

After getting away from people, he takes another – closer – look of the picture he received. It is from Hanzo. And it is a picture. Hanzo is still home, laying lazily at bed, fresh out of shower, hair still dripping wet – and the bastard knows how Jesse is weak for that – naked in all his glory, holding only a small towel over his crotch, hiding his goods. Bridge piercing between his dark eyes, that promise naughty things. The nipple rings shine from morning light and his skin is still wet with droplets. Jesse lets out contented sigh and feels his cheeks becoming even more red. He curses and grits his teeth. He can feel his swimwear becoming tighter as his front gets interested in the picture he just saw. That goddamn son of a bitch.

---

That's it for Week 16! I hope you're feeling the summer vibes! Thanks so much to everyone who submitted a recommendation.

If you find a fic you love using this rec list, be sure to leave the author kudos and a comment! Even "I found this fic because someone recced it" is a lovely thing to say.

Coming up for Week 17: "Better Get Comfy." This one is another word count rec week, where the only criterion is that the fic be between 25,000 and 50,000 words.

In the meantime, you can also check out the Week 15 recs here, or check the full list of past and future themes here.

---

Curious about the icon and some of the fic titles? This rec blog supports #EndOTWRacism, a fan campaign asking the AO3 to make good on its 2020 promises to address racist harassment on the site. Fans of color deserve to feel safe and welcome in fan spaces. To learn more, please visit @end-otw-racism and read their Call to Action.

[savleye]

I just finished watching Inuyasha and I have some thots and opinions.

I loved the twist at the end with Naraku not being the final boss, but rather the Shikon jewel itself is the final evil that Kagome needs to defeat.

I'm disappointed that Midoriko did not have any dialogue at all when the jewel was destroyed. Like you think that her creating the jewel and fighting demons inside the jewel for 500+ years would be pretty significant to the story, but I guess not 🤷‍♂️

I honestly did not expect Kohaku to be one of the characters that survives to the end since he dies multiple times in the show, but I like that he's continuing on becoming a demon slayer (also I looked at his Yashahime design they made him kindaa 🥵)

Speaking of Yashahime, I don't plan on watching it. Mostly, I'm disappointed with the direction that Sesshomaru and Rin's relationship goes in since, to me, it was very clear that the original series was establishing a sort of father/daughter bond between the two. With how Sesshomaru was protective of Rin when he originally doesn't care for humans, and how Rin sees the good and kindness hidden in him when he's initially heartless, I think their relationship would've had so much more potential if they had a familial bond rather than a romantic bond that just comes across as cheap fanservice. also i hate the design of their daughters, they look like they had to share a jar of manic panic vampire red hair dye bc rin could only afford 1 jar.

Seasons 1-3 were really good, seasons 4 and 5 took a bit of a dip in quality and the plots for those seasons weren't well written, but seasons 6,7, and final act are some of the best anime that I've watched in years. This anime is definitely one of my favorites and it's going to be a permanent part of my personality now.

[tiramisiyu]

im interested to know what your thoughts are on the second anniversary card. for me… idk, i felt really depressed after reading it (even with the spicy scene), like i thought it was so well done with the conflict about why luke didnt want to propose to her, and handling the death of his parents, but then to suddenly go from that level of selflessness and denying his own happiness to a proposal felt so jarring. i know in the date that rosa says one conversation won’t change how luke thinks but even so the proposal felt so forced and different to how luke has been shown in other dates and idk to me i really think it needed to be longer OR two different dates. to me the way he proposed just felt so… rushed. im not here to bash on the date because i genuinely really liked it (and it was so interesting to see the parallels between how the two viewed their future and relationship!! + more about lukes illness and parents is a plus!) but i think i just feel super sad after reading it. maybe that’s the real reason why we got so many fluffy dates that ignored lukes illness LMAO. but ya thanks for reading my thoughts and id love to know what you think!!

putting in another person's ask here too:

firstly, it really warms my heart that yall are still interested in hearing my opinion even though i've taken a step back from the active participation i used to have! i'll organize my thoughts below (it's been like a week since i've read it so things are a bit murkier now... kazuha and heizou were taking up all of my braincells during this week, sorry)

I should probably preface this by saying that emotionally, I don't have much to say; last year I was overwhelmed with emotion, sobbing, the works, but this year my feelings have kinda shifted to "aww good for you XY!" and "man, we're doing this dance again, of depressed XY not doing things bc he's concerned about MC's long term happiness and MC gradually convincing him to just do what would make him happy" (I mean, not that it's a bad thing; it's not easy to get out of old mindsets).

It definitely was depressing overall, so it makes sense that anon #1 feels that way. The sad mood didn't really lift until the end when the proposal happened. And I kinda feel what you both mean by it being rushed - I was expecting them to wait a few more days after the cemetery conversation, so when XY actually proposed I was kinda blindsided LOL. Like it literally went like this:

MC: [talks about how she's willing to be with him until the end as they walk back from the cemetery; at this point in time he was still not willing to propose bc of his illness and whatnot]

XY: [suddenly drags MC back to his place, sprinting, not saying a word]

MC: ?? ok then

XY: [reappears and proposes]

All this happens in like, idk, 30 minutes?? Yeah, definitely felt rushed to me. I think the issue lies in how we KNOW that XY knows that MC would think in this way, but it's not really explained at all why this particular conversation - and nothing else beforehand - incited such a massive change in heart in him. Unless if he really did need to just hear the words and was subconsciously just waiting for her to say so? But that doesn't quite fit with his selfless personality that's very explicitly described in this particular date.

I think they may have intentionally been trying to mirror the circumstances in the 1st anniv date, which might explain how quickly he was able to change his mind and be convinced by MC within the time limits of the date. But if that’s the case, I think that works better for confession than proposal, since marriage shouldn’t be something you jump into just bc you were feeling in the mood to propose right then...

The proposal content itself, ofc, was great. Very nice speech, 10/10; Themis writers know what a girl wants. It was also nice to hear a little bit about XY's mom although it wasn't the plot-relevant stuff I wanted 😭😭 I wanna know if they were intentionally killed and what their professions were, that sort of thing;; There's also no info on whether they're making progress in maybe curing XY and time's running a little short, so I wonder if/how this will be resolved.

(actually i don't really recall where he said that his sickness wasn't 100% the reason why he was proposing so feel free to remind me 😭) lmk if there were any other specific things you wanted my thoughts on!

[grendelsmilf]

please let us know if you have any thoughts on the dan harmon sex doll show

i'm gonna outline my thoughts in bullet points bc idk how else to even begin to address everything going on here

there are three separate extremely violent scenes that feel like they come out of nowhere and are very hard to watch. because the entire thing is so short, fastpaced, and otherwise comedic in tone, it felt extremely jarring, and if anyone does choose to watch it out of the same morbid curiosity that possessed me last night, i would feel obligated to include a trigger warning

the only non-white characters in this entire thing is cody's (anna kendrick) stereotypical black woman therapist and cody's fourteen year old neighbor who she basically does a pedophilia to in one of the aforementioned deeply uncomfortable scenes. she also makes a racist joke about japanese women, but then later gets called out by barbara (the sex doll) for being racist, so at least she's self-aware about it...?

meredith hagner's delivery as barbara the sex doll is actually great throughout. she is hilarious as always.

cousin joel makes a brief cameo wherein he plays a fictional character, and it is the closest the show gets to acknowledging the existence of community, whereas they reference rick and morty constantly

dan harmon is apparently not ashamed of the fact that he has a sex doll, and cody never thinks to shame him, because kinkshaming is not their mo; they are very open (to each other, and to the world, apparently) about all their fucked up little kinks and fetishes. i think we should kinkshame them actually

anna kendrick has 10x more chemistry with the doll than she does with "dan" and i actually think this fact works tremendously in the show's favor, but does not reflect well on cody heller's continued relationship with dan harmon in real life (also btw if anyone was not aware, yes they are still together)

as you would expect, this show is extremely meta. it's not only a commentary on feminism in the media, but a commentary on itself. the show ends with them pitching the show (the show we are currently watching) to execs, one of whom says "ohhh, you're dan harmon's girlfriend, right? that guy is such a genius" cut to black the end

[mechawolfie]

Ok now im curious 👀 what are ur gripes with the movie? O:

so I dont want to be too negative abt this movie. it's new and it's beautiful and fun and the fact that the main character is a black girl is just... hell yeah??? I would've adored this movie as a kid, and I'm sure it'll mean a lot to a lot of ppl, and I hope it gets big. but also I cant Not think abt these things, so:

so ok the general plot is VERY how to train your dragon, so w the mc, maisie, we get that same character progression of: looks up to the beast hunters & wants to join them > realizes they aren’t the heroes she imagined them to be & the beasts aren’t actually blood thirsty monsters either > decides the pointless fighting between the two needs to stop, & she wants to stop it. basically my problem is that it just feels.. weird having the little black girl be the one at the forefront of this huge social change, and having her end up putting herself in harm's way in an attempt to achieve that

especially when 1) you expect her to be the main focus, but the movie doesn’t even start w her. and after her brief introduction, we get a whole lot of learning abt the adults + their motives, our main focus being on the white guy, jacob, & the (also white) captain, n she only gets small scenes in all this time (i’d say the focus shifts back to her abt 40 minutes in?). and 2) in what little bit we get of her at the start, shes such a charming character, but then once we get to the realization part of her story arch its like...  idk how to describe it. it's like shes been possessed by the writers trying to express their message. at the start shes a normal naive kid, but then suddenly shes got everything figured out & is having these super wise takes on the situation as if shes always felt this way & isn’t just a little kid who’s learning all this stuff at the same time as the viewers & jacob.

basically it just feels like shes here to be the writers’ voice? & can’t just be.. a kid? there’s a couple things that happen at the end that I was rly hoping wouldn’t happen, bc its typical for her kind of character, n then it Does happen n I'm like. cmon yall.... like they fit the trope yeah but it feels Bad when the character is a black girl. like it feels like it sends a concerning message. & honestly I feel like if this were a darker, more mature movie, she would've died somewhere in/nearing the climax of the story. it rly did just feel like she was there to teach our white characters a lesson in the end.

second problem, there’s a witch-type character that shows up briefly, & she has the typical hook-nosed big frizzy-haired evil snakey type design. and I feel like, with how this movie seems to pride itself on its diversity, you’d think someone on the creative crew would've caught that. it feels like even in more “progressive” media, ppl will make exceptions for antisemitism & fatphobia. i imagine someone would make the excuse “well maybe they didn’t know!!” but no. its 2022. they know. lmao

anyway, that's basically it. besides a few very minor issues w story (ending felt weirdly.. empty?? idk why) and design choices (beast designs feel out of place when compared to.. everything else in this movie. they kinda look like gummy candy. cute as hell don’t get me wrong!! but it's kind of jarring at times lol)

[mai-sau]

Prompt "give me attention" for kidnap family?

"haha, im gonna take it easy with prompts this time around, only a few hundred words -" cue spongebob title card "2.3k words later"

seriously tho thank you for the prompt!! (and sorry about the wait!) i had fun working on this one bc well i love any chance to write about this lil family of murderers and tiny bois :') hope u enjoy!!

Prompt: "Give me attention."

“Nelyo.”

“Nelyo.”

“Ne-”

Thump. Maedhros slammed his book shut. A puff of dust wheezed out from the crusty pages; Maglor could make out the swirl of particles flying about in the dim shafts of sunlight peeking into his brother’s study from windows that he was sure were clean at some point in their existence.

Said brother tossed a glare over to Maglor from the other side of his desk.

“You’re allowed to be here. Quietly.” Maedhros threw a pointed look towards the abandoned scroll in Maglor’s hands.

“But I’m so very lonely, Nelyo,” Maglor pouted, and dropped the scroll on the desk. The parchment rolled out towards Maedhros, whose face was fast approaching the same shade as his hair. “Besides, I’ve already taken care of all my correspondence for the day. Nothing much else to do, really, but seek out the company of my darling brother.”

“I’m older than you,” Maedhros grit out, rubbing his temple in terse little circles. Which one of them he was reminding Maglor couldn’t say.

“Only by a few years,” Maglor teased. He let the corners of his lip curl up - he was well aware this made him look like “a cat about to feast on the fattest saucer of milk it’s ever conned” according to his brother, and that was why he did it.

On top of that dusty old book, Maedhros’ fingers twitched. Got you.

“Come on, Nelyo,” he whined. “Give me attentiooon.”

Maedhros threw him a positively hateful look, but Maglor knew he wouldn’t throw him out just yet. By this point, Maglor liked to think he knew his brother well enough.

There were some things he didn’t, of course, and this was fine. When his brother would wake and traipse out to the courtyard in the dead of night, staring at the moon hungrily for hours and hours as if he would never glimpse its light amidst the pitch dark again; when one of the many elves around Amon Ereb would do something wrong - not when one of their craftsmen made the same excited little exclamation as Curvo used to, or hunters fletched their arrows just how Tyelko did, Maglor understood these, at least - but a request phrased too sweetly, an abrupt movement, a smile too wide, and Maedhros’ throat would tighten, his words clipped, before excusing himself to go lock himself in his room for an hour, or two, or three: these parts of his brother Maglor may never know.

But he knew much, or at least enough. A few months after they’d taken in the twins, Maglor had just finished mopping an explosion of jam on the dining floor and sweeping up the shards of what was once the hefty jar that contained it. He’d first gently let Elros know that if they wanted food, they need only ask; he’d then let him know that no, of course they wouldn’t cast him out for breaking the jam jar, with no small amount of tears or internal panic on either end of that conversation.

By the time Maglor slunk into Maedhros’ study that evening to go over reports from around the fortress, he was maybe a bit tired. When Maedhros told him to wait for just a few minutes while he wrapped something or other up, Maglor might’ve let slip a touch of petulance and no small amount of theatrics into his voice when he asked when his dear Nelyo could spare just a moment for his poor baby brother, simply wilting away from the neglect.

Maglor had frozen, fearful of what his second-most severe brother would have to say in response to - well, whining. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d let himself do so. Oh, he’d been quite the brat in Valinor, and used to be quite proud of that fact, thank you. Each and every one of his brothers’ last nerves practically had his name on it. But it seemed ever since they arrived here, it was as if they simply couldn’t afford the waste of time. Ribbing was a favored pastime of his in Aman, but Beleriand offered no such frivolities.

But living with the twins, putting on playful words and coaxing laughter from two young faces that Maglor couldn’t bear to see two seconds from breaking anymore, had apparently loosened his discipline.

He’d thought Maedhros would treat him to one of his signature frowns, barking at him that neither of them had time to make things any harder for each other, but instead he’d… laughed. Just the slightest huff of air, yes, but a laugh nonetheless. Maglor hadn’t heard his brother laugh since…

Well, if anything, he was honoring his cousin’s memory.

So Maglor experimented over the years, let a few more teases and whines slip into his day-to-day interactions with Maedhros. His brother had since mustered a valiant effort to act annoyed, but Maglor could still catch a muffled chuckle or smothered grin here and there.

So. All in all, he’s sure he knows his brother pretty well at this point, and Maedhros was not troubled (bad), just bothered (good).

Which, of course, meant they could continue to play; Maglor would show no mercy.

“Please? Please, please? Just a smidgen of tender love and care from my dearly beloved big brother?” Maglor asked, eyes wide and pleading, hands clasped in front of him as he leaned over the desk. His hair, inky black, spilled all over his scroll.

Maedhros’ nose twitched. His right ear flicked. Oh yes. He was close to a chuckle now, he could tell. His dearly beloved big brother stood no fucking chance.

“Oh dear Eru, let my brother pay attention to - MANWË’S TITS!” Maglor shrieked, springing up from his seat after spotting a dark shadow peeking through the window.

His brother whirled around. Quick as a viper, his hand darted out to grasp the hilt of his sword. Despite this, Maglor could hear a choked noise he was more than halfway certain was the chuckle he had so desperately hunted. Oh well.

A chubby face stared right back at them, eyes round as saucers. Wait, make that two faces.

Both Maglor and Maedhros sagged with relief.

“Elros, can you please come in?” Maglor croaked, feeling five feet to the left of his physical body. “You too, Elrond.”

The two of them nodded bashfully, heads bobbing as they fumbled over to the glass. And they were… flapping. Each twin sported small brown wings on their back, looking much like the falcons Tyelko used to play with as a child. Maglor supposed, thinking of a great bird soaring away over the sea with light itself clutched tight in its talons, maybe they should have expected this one in particular.

Elros pushed once, twice at the windows, tiny arms straining against the pane and looking more panicked by the second. Behind him, Elrond simply pointed to the - oh, the window latch. Yes.

Maedhros stood up and flicked it open. Elros came tumbling through, nearly bashing his skull on the desk before Maedhros caught him midair.

Elrond flew in smoothly and landed on Maglor’s empty chair, wings neatly folding in. Maedhros dumped Elros on his own chair. His wing smacked Maedhros’ arm by mistake.

“We talked about this. No new shapeshifting without me or Maglor there,” Maedhros said, fixing each of them with a stern look.

Both the twins looked down at this. Elrond wrung his little wrists.

“We’re sorry!” Elros burst out, tears welling up in his eyes. “We won’t do it again, promise!”

“That’s what you said last time, sweetheart,” Maglor told him.

“And the time before that,” Maedhros grumbled.

“What we’re saying, dear, is that we understand that you’re sorry. But keeping your word has to take first priority,” Maglor explained softly.

Maedhros coughed.

“Or, er, not doing it again,” Maglor corrected. “That’s what counts.”

“We understand,” Elros sniffled. “It’s just, we wanted to hear, but you weren’t there to check with, because well, you were here, and, well, um, yes -”

“Bringing us to the next point of order,” Maedhros rumbled. He raised a brow at both of them. “Eavesdropping. We have also been over this.”

Oh dear. Elros looked like he was about to drown in a puddle of tears. Maglor rubbed a hand between his shoulder blades soothingly, careful of the new feathery appendages.

Thankfully, Elrond stepped in. “We remember, it’s not nice because we like to be in private sometimes and it’s not fair for us to not let other people be too,” he recited shyly. “Um, we just… we know you both meet up a lot like this, and we know it's important… but… um…” His lip trembled; his voice cracked. “Do you... talk about us? Do you not want us to hear because it’s bad? Because we can do better!” He promised quickly, eyes wide and wet. “Elros is getting really good at his music lessons, he’s practicing a lot! And I’m working on my writing lessons every day!”

Something in Maglor’s chest twisted. “Oh, honey, no -”

But his brother beat him to the punch. Striding out from behind the desk, he knelt down in front of Elrond. “Can I hug you?” he asked very quietly.

Elrond bit his lip and nodded. Without another word, Maedhros wrapped him up in his arms.

They stayed like that for a moment, Maedhros’ hulking frame wrapped around Elrond’s body, like a drape of russet locks, leather and rich furs. When his brother finally pulled away, he gave a heavy look to both children.

“We will never give you away because you’re not good enough. Alright? You will always be good enough. Both of you,” he told them. He reached out and covered Elrond’s tiny hand with his own, fingers curling around and intertwining. “And not because you’re caught up on your lessons, or do what we say.”

“Though those are certainly nice,” Maglor added. He flashed them a teasing grin before taking care to soften his expression once more, and laid a gentle hand on Elros’ shoulder. “You will always have our love. And nothing, not even the worst jam spill, or missed harp lesson - don’t think I didn’t notice that last week, dearest - can ever reach in and steal it. It is your’s by blood and birthright.”

“Love you,” Elros sniffled. Elrond echoed him, voice no less wobbly.

Maedhros gifted them with a small smile. “Love you both, starlights.”

“And -” Elros started, hiccuped, and continued. “And same for me too. Nothing can change that! I’ll always love you two.”

Maglor felt a pang of sickly guilt invade his chest and looked away. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Maedhros stiffen.

“Me too,” Elrond said, voice suddenly clear. Maglor glanced at him and met a gaze that seemed years ahead of its time; he froze, rooted to the spot. “We’ll always love you no matter what you do.”

“Well -” Maglor started. “That’s…”

“No need to worry about us,” Maedhros recovered quickly, waving his hand. “Now then, it’s nearing bedtime, hm?”

“But wait!” Elros cried. “What were you two talking about then?”

“Yes! We saw Atya going like this,” Elrond clasped his pudgy hands together and shook them. “And his voice sounded all funny, and then he prayed to Eru about Atar paying more attention to Manwe’s t-”

“ALRIGHT!” Maglor yelped, clapping his hands. His face must’ve been steaming, his cheeks were burning, oh stars - “Bedtime!”

“But we want to know why you were saying all those funny things,” Elros complained loudly. His voice slipped into a high pitched whine, dripping with petulance. “Nelyo, Nelyo, give me attentioooon -”

“I do not sound like that!” Maglor gasped, scooping up a giggling Elrond to be carried to bed.

“I do not sound like that!”

Maglor turned around, gaping. That was not Elros’ voice.

Maedhros stared back. His eyes glinted with mirth and the most shit-eating grin curled his lips. In his arms was a starstruck Elros, who looked no less shocked than if the clouds themselves had just burst into song and danced a lively jig. And quite frankly, Maglor would be less surprised.

Maedhros dealt him one last smirk before twirling on his heel and walking out of the room to go deposit one elfling in his bed. Maglor still had the other, who poked his cheek.

“Atya? Are you okay?”

Slowly, ever so slowly, Maglor felt a smile grow across his face. His eyes stung with tears. He quickly wiped them with his sleeve before they could fatten and spill over his cheeks and probably make Elrond worry even more.

“Wonderful, dear.” He frowned for a second, considering. “Although I think there is a dreadful amount of mockery in my future.”

He looked down at Elrond. His son merely tilted his round head, offering a blank look. Maglor sighed happily. “But that’s okay.”

XXX

In time, it became clear that there was no need to worry about the looming threat of brotherly teasing paid back in full; Maedhros may have been looser with his laughter, but even this was a rare occasion still. Maglor did not mind, for any time he saw his brother’s eyes alight with anything other than fatal passion was a gift.

The true threat that lurked within Amon Ereb made itself known eventually.

Two weeks later, Maglor was scurrying to meet up with one of the smiths to discuss pending repairs but stopped short in front of a small figure in the courtyard blocking his path.

“Not now, sweetheart, Atya’s very busy,” Maglor told Elrond, harried, ready to flag down someone on the way to attend to whatever his son needed.

And then it happened. Elrond’s face crumpled just so. His eyes widened: big, round, and wet. His lip wobbled. When he opened his mouth, his voice took on a tone so absolutely, horribly pitiful that Maglor half-suspected the echo of Lúthien herself lived in his words.

“Please, Atya,” he begged, every word a death sentence. “Give me attentiooon.”

Oh Eru, Maglor despaired, even as he opened his arms for an evil little elfling to leap into, repairs forgotten. I’ve made a monster.

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS:  https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation 

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things: 

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper   fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh. 

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami. 

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience. 

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly. 

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control 

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it 

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™  for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

[majoringinsarcasm]

It took me two hours last night to watch the first episode and I feel asleep at the halfway point in episode two last night. Happy Sunday!

S1E2: Amuse-Bouche (the small bites preceding the main course)

Can’t believe they had Mads say Last Time on Hannibal shut uuuuup

Is YouTube not gonna let me see the opening? Do I have to look up the show Intro by itself? Hang on

Ok it was shorter than I expected but aesthetically I liked it. Moving on!

Oh that scared me actually was not expecting the paper to turn into Hobbs. Was startled

THE MUSIC IS SO GOOD THE SOUND DESIGN BUT STOP IT IM STRESSED

Bruh your attic is sinister can’t you collect coins like a normal white dad Jesus

H

Ok first of all

Hi Freddie

Second of all people Love to be topless in this show and I’m. Not mad about it

THE INTRO STARTS AT FIVE MINUTES ARE YOU KIDDING IS EACH EPISODE A COLD OPEN????? I looked it up for nothing dammit

Lol do you think the class all talked about how they would clap for Professor Graham? What does the group chat for his students look like

Will: does anyone see the clue? There isn’t one. He left a phone number but no address

Me: ….. so the clue is a lack of address what. That’s. That’s literally the clue sir what

“Hannibal Lecter is a better fit. Your relationship isn’t personal”

I love Hannibal’s office so much I would pay just to hang out. Also they have a daughter now or whatever

I BET ITS MARIJUANA oh random forest children how delightful

MUSHROOM MAN WAS THE SECOND FUCKING EPISDOE?????????? HOW

BKMB

They are best friends your honor

“I got stabbed when I was a cop” the line deliveries. I love them

Also give it up for Will’s right shoulder! What a trooper!!

Honey baby sweetie please your hair

Freddie spotted!!!

I love how everyone on this show is some degree of Hot and Manipulate

I feel so bad for Will he is terrible with first impressions but only because the first time people see him he is Alone at a Crime Scene standing around looking Weird. The odds aren’t in his favor

It’s so jarring to think about the filming and how Hugh had to be the killer for like most of all the reconstructions Will does. When he’s explaining what the evidence is, his voice is just Gah can he read podfics? Bc I’d listen

EVERY TIME HOBBS GIVES ME A FRIGHT UGH

THE HAND GRABBING ALSO STARTLED ME STOP

Making him laugh in your office while standing near him. The power Hannibal must feel

Also he called Will a fungus

Ms Lounds it’s rude to record someone else’s therapy session

Ok so she’s pretending to be someone in order to talk to Hannibal but her outfit is cute

I kinda love her

Like. Hate her but I kinda love her

Oooooo he caught you

Stoooooop the tension is choking me legit go away fndkdbfjfjkddkndnfjdjdjdjffjfkjfnfnfkfjdk

Come sit by me Pat Pat Pat

Oh Bella honey

Jack: Will knows himself better than anyone

Hannibal: I think you disagree

It makes me so upset to see Jack so happy knowing Hannibal fucks up his life. That’s his new friend who makes him laugh! Fuck you!

I know all killers are Bad but an evil doctor makes me angry in a real world sort of way. Not that people aren’t killed in the real world it’s just doctors have so much access to delicate medical information and medical stuff makes me ick so. If Will kills this guy I won’t be mad

I wanna kill this guy actually move aside!

AHHHH HE guys listen I have taste in men but only actors who play characters I’m obsessed with and I don’t watch a lot of stuff HES BREAKING THE WINDOW

He’s hot to watch is what I’m getting at

Hannibal with a tablet is also very funny but I couldn’t say why

Lmao the camera shots to Zeller I love telegraphing

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.” She’s a worm but also the only one who saw the writing on the wall like four years before everyone else

He’s sleeping 🥺 he looks so handsome why can’t the show be about a handsome man who becomes a model bc some fussy European saw him on the street and wanted to work with him. Hannibal is still a cannibal though bc he detests diet culture and people harming their bodies for fashion

ALANA IS READING TO ABIGAIL

Cozy puppy on the couch I’m sobbing

Someone read to this lonely man I’m begging you

Oh it’s blood in water? No it’s brain matter it certainly won’t be…. Oh it is actually just coffee ok

“I know people in private security” is just my uncle works at Nintendo

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE DUCK WHAT THE FUCK WH

(Also just gonna say I enjoy the show I really do…. not a lot of diversity in this one huh. moving on)

Attractive men do have better standings in society than ugly men but in horror movies the hot guy is always the evil one. I’m happy to note we’ve got two good hot men on our side (Will and Jack) bc uhhh Doctor man who’s name they just said but I forget is one ugly bitch

Eldon Stammets

This man is really running about in a hospital holding a gun. are you even allowed guns in hospitals

People desperate for connections oh I am getting the uncomfortable wiggles now Stop

Ok but in hindsight would becoming fertilized be a better death than the one she gets? Food for thought

The PROLONGED EYE CONTACT

He Felt Powerful

Final Thoughts: This was an all about Freddie Lounds episode and I can’t say I’m mad about it. Her interest in Will is to the roof, we know she’s a sneaky smart liar who will do anything for the story, and considering how the rest of the series goes having a man killed in front of her doesn’t seem to phase her in the long run. Will was very handsome in this episode as was Jack and I wish I knew the timeline of all this because it’s two episodes but clearly more time has passed for the characters than just like two or three days. I think. I’m ready for the next disaster!!

[bigolbadblog]

What is your favourite food to make? Or a dream dish to make.

I LOVE making dumplings. I rarely get to do it bc it's so time-intensive, but when I do, I always make enough to share and have some to freeze for later.

My go-to is pierogies. They were the first dumplings I learned how to make (about two years ago now? wow), and I love the connection I feel with my ancestors when I make them. Crimping them closed with a fork and seeing my artistry when they're done is soooo satisfying, as is seeing the massive pierogi pile at the end of the day. They're also incredibly versatile- side dish, main course, even dessert pierogi!

At this point, it's become a personal tradition for me to take the last bit of pierogi dough and just go crazy go stupid with it- these experiments have included pb&j pierogi (do not recommend), aged marshmallow pierogi (better than you would expect), and my cat's wet food in a pierogi (obviously NOT something you should give your cat on a regular basis, but I think on very special occasions cats can have little a pierogi, as a treat. Anyways, he cried until I cut it up for him). Would my ancestors smile upon me for this part? I don't know, but not everything's gotta be about them. I dream of one day putting ice cream into a pierogi, but that's going to take a LOT of creative problem-solving.

There's also a lot of versatility in how you finish pierogies. You can do them plain boiled if you want less hassle, or you can fry them up in butter when you're done. For dessert pierogi, I lovvvve adding a bit of turbinado sugar to the frying pan to caramelize on the shell, but I've also tried giving them an egg wash, dunking them in cinnamon sugar, and baking them in the oven (not QUITE the same level of mind-blowing deliciousness as frying with sugar, imo, but it's still really good, and definitely a lot less work for doing larger batches and for cleaning up afterwards). My favorite way I've ever done savory pierogies was- with my old housemates, we had bacon pretty frequently, and we'd always tip the bacon grease into a mason jar we kept in the fridge to save for later. Kinda gross-looking, I will not lie, but damn if that shit wasn't fantastic for cooking brussels sprouts and frying up pierogies. With my current housemates, we barely ever cook bacon, and while I honestly don't miss the bacon itself all that much, I could cry for some bacon-fried pierogi right now, lol.

Anyways! Ravioli are also fun to make. I love rolling the pasta dough through the machine. They're not as crazy versatile as pierogi, but all the different options for saucing them help make up for that. I'm not too proud to use the good storebought stuff, especially if we're eating ravioli the same day I'm making ravioli (shit gets tiring! lol), or it's also super good to just toss fresh ravioli with some olive oil and a bit of grated parmesan and black pepper. But if we're just taking already-made ravioli out of the freezer, I have a roast eggplant pasta sauce recipe that is truly the bomb dot com.

Pierogi and ravioli are actually the only two filled dumplings I've made so far, but I'm really hoping to expand my range! Last time I was at the library, I saw a comic book style cookbook for various Asian dumplings, which looked really interesting- I almost checked it out, but library cookbooks make me so nervous, y'know? Like what if I get something on it... I guess I could just make copies of the pages I want and cook with those, that'd be smart.

So maybe that will be my next adventure! But it might have to wait a little while... a lot of dumpling-making involves boiling a lot of water, and it has been too hot for that kind of nonsense by me lately. But when dumpling weather comes again, I will be READY!

EDIT: I found the cookbook I was talking about! It's Let's Make Dumplings!, by Hugh Amano and Sarah Becan.

[inbox open!]

[songofsaraneth]

Ok now that I have time/space to breathe again, I wanted to do a writeup on the unusual reaction I had to the second Covid vaccine dose. I debated posting this, because I don't want to go against the "I was vaccinated and it's fine!" encouragement train. And I 1000% encourage EVERYONE to get vaccinated if possible. But I have not seen much documentation of the averse symptom I got, except in some case studies I specifically looked up so details below. Big TMI/gross warning however. 

Mostly I'm posting this because I had to do SO much self-advocating/arguing with the Dr at my urgent care clinic, and if you're not as read up on weird medical issues as I am, you might not be comfortable doing that. But IANAD, just describing my experience and what I read, which ended up being very long because it was awful and I have a lot to complain about I guess, sorry.

Basically: for me the vaccine triggered an inflammation response, which in itself is normal. The usual muscle aches/joint pain/slight fever. It also triggered an outbreak of ulcers in my soft tissues. Basically, a bunch of canker sores in my mouth/throat. I am already prone to getting these when I get sick or stressed out, so no biggie, annoying and painful but I could handle them. Canker sores are distinct from cold sores in that they form inside the mouth as crater spots, usually around the size of a pencil eraser (though can be bigger or smaller), and will develop a white film across the crater as they develop and start to heal.

An unfortunate fact I have learned: the mouth is not the only exposed “soft tissue” of the body. this group also includes genitals.

So 2 days after the vaccine I noticed a "burning sensation"/rawness downstairs, which turned into a sharp pain, especially when going to the bathroom. I obviously knew this was abnormal and because of what was happening in my mouth, had a pretty firm idea of what was happening, but was ready to brace myself through the healing process. However by day 5 I had 8 red, crater-like sores on the tissue of my vulva. Essentially they are open wounds, and urine is an acid, so you can imagine the hell that using the bathroom had become. Even just sitting hurt.

As someone healthcare-averse, even I knew this was untenable, and went to Urgent Care for the first time in my adult life. I told the NP what was going on, how they matched the canker sores (NOT cold sores) in my mouth in onset/form--and she immediately, without even looking, diagnosed me with herpes.

Lots of people have herpes or other STIs, and that's fine. I know I do not have any, and wanted to pursue treatment for what I was sure they were--Non-sexually acquired genital ulceration (NSGU). I had even found three case studies of COVID patients who had developed them. I had spent several harrowing hours on google images making sure that the sores I had did not match any STI I may have magically acquired during a year of social distancing. I even brought up multiple case studies, including a woman who had them as a Covid reaction in a neighboring state. Didn’t matter. She looked at them and went “Yikes! Herpes!” and prescribed me: 

1) an antiviral, which I said I did not think would do anything because the trigger for this was a vaccine not an illness. She said it was probably a herpes flare up already in my system. I reiterated that I have had similar sores in my mouth since childhood and that all my past doctors and dentists agreed it was not viral but something related to an immune response. She said the antivirals should clear them up in a few days.

2) a topical 5% lidocaine ointment, aka an oral grade numbing gel, which was essentially what I was after anyway.

I would have preferred a steroid course to the antiviral, but agreed to start taking them until she got the results of the bloodwork I needed to come in the next day for. I asked how many days after taking them I would expect to see a difference/if she would reevaluate treatment if they didn’t have an effect in a certain amount of time, and she said if they hadn’t cleared up by Monday then she’d look into other causes (spoiler, they did nothing in that 4 day span). to her credit, when she saw me pick up my bike helmet (because my car had been at the mechanic for a month by then), she was properly horrified that i was having to bike everywhere with this situation and printed off some coupons/called all the prescriptions into the grocery store pharmacy next door instead of the CVS my insurance likes a mile away.

So eventually I got home and took my pill & went to put on the ointment so I could use the bathroom for the first time in 8 hours. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say I had an extremely, overwhelmingly painful 10 minutes of application. Like absolutely awful burning feeling. However once that faded, I was indeed actually numb, and so I figured it was worth it. Got my bloodwork done on Friday (biking there & home again). On Saturday, I thought that you know, maybe a prescription anesthetic shouldn’t be doing that or at least have some sort of warning? And read the details on the jar.

Good things about lidocaine: it is a powerful numbing agent and lasts pretty well for an hour or two.

Bad things about lidocaine: you cannot get oral grade lidocaine without added mint flavoring.

I happen to be EXTREMELY sensitive to mint. Like I still can’t handle breath mints or mouthwash, and used bubblegum flavored toothpaste until I was 14 and found a brand with half as much mint flavoring as is typical. Even if you’re not, mint has no business being anywhere near genital tissue. Even on an average person that could cause awful burning. to make a long saga shorter I had a very frustrating back-and-forth with urgent care involving many rerouted phone trees, visit in person, unhelpful receptionists, and attempts to find over-the-counter alternatives. All were fruitless so I just  suffered all weekend until the urgent care Nurse Practitioner called me back on Monday and was suitably apologetic/outraged about the mint thing, and looked up every OTC product that might work as a substitute, since she couldn’t find any prescription level without mint. On Tuesday she called back again having found this:

It’s 4%, so just below prescription strength, while not oral grade, it’s actually fine for soft tissues as long as not fully ingested/internally applied. And most importantly, ABSOLUTELY NO ADDED FLAVORINGS. there is also a spray version that comes in a bottle, which under no circumstances should you try because it uses alcohol as a propellant and I had a very bad 5 minutes after testing that one. But the cream one is fine and brings blessed numbness in around 5 minutes with only minimal contact pain--they are still open wounds after all. 

I use this for the next 7 days. By this point the sores have gotten worse and larger, and then started to heal and shrink again. Mouth canker sores go through a similar ~2 week process, so this is about what I expected.

Finally the results of my bloodwork came back, and I was negative for all STIs. The NP was dumbfounded and apologized, and agreed to look up more information/treatment options for cases like this in the future. I’m not surprised her reaction was to assume herpes as it IS very common, but I’m sure other women experience NSGU’s and receive improper treatment. If you look them up, they’re even mentioned as being predominantly a problem for “young or prepubescent women” which, reading between the lines--it’s not that these become less likely if you’re older or sexually active. Doctors just make assumptions and don’t always look past the easy answers.

So if you or someone you know ends up with these--from the Covid vaccine or as a complication of upper respiratory infections in general (as they ARE an immune response and can just Happen to you)--here is what works as treatment. If you can see a doctor you trust, still do that. But if they don’t listen or if for some reason you can’t seek treatment, here is the course of action I recommend: 

Pick up that over-the-counter Pain Relief+Lidocaine NON MINTY numbing cream ASAP. Sores go from “annoying” to “excruciating” in only 3 days, so it’s best to get in person or with rush shipping. Sit in front of a mirror and gently apply with a q-tip, and wait 5 minutes for the medicine to take effect.

Pat gently dry with toilet paper, don’t make wiping motions. If you don’t feel clean enough, pat more with a wet washcloth and rinse it out, or hope in the shoer for 5 min just to rinse.

There may be pus or reside from the ointment that doesn’t go away with just rinsing. Every 2 days I made a half-strength bath of epsom salts, NUMBED FULLY, and then took a 10 minute bath to fully cleanse the area. the salt will sting terribly if you wait any longer, so I recommend standing and rinsing after this time.

The vulva is more exposed to air than the mouth. this may cause the sores to crack/bleed as they dry out. to avoid this, after using the restroom and cleaning yourself, you can apply a thick coating of Aquaphor on top of the sores. It will need to be rinsed off before you apply more numbing cream however, so if that is too many steps I recommend just using the Aquaphor overnight.

You may think its ok to get up in the middle of the night to pee without the numbing cream bc you have to go really bad and just once will be fine but it is NOT you will REGRET IT.

Unfortunately if you have sores on both sides you may develop what is known as “kissing sores”, aka sores directly opposite each other that touch when the area is not spread open. this means that after an extended period of time (overnight), the sores will try to heal into each other and opening the area back up painfully rips the tissue apart. INStEAD of ripping them apart, take a washclosh, run it under warm water, and do a hot/warm compress on the area. this will loosen the sores back up and separate them painlessly.

This is not exclusive to people with a vulva, they can also happen on scrotal/anal tissue. However it does seem to much more frequently affect people with typical XX sex organs. 

If you develop these, PLEASE fill out an averse reaction form or your country’s equivalent. Also, I’m so sorry and if you need emotional support or have questions please feel free to get in touch.

Most likely, these will not happen to you--the vast majority of vaccinated people have not had this as a side effect. But it IS popping up more and more, and it is good to know about it in advance so you can be prepared to deal with and treat it without as much anxiety and all the hoops I had to jump through to get good care. Overall I’m still glad to be vaccinated, but if I had known this was a side effect, as someone already prone to canker sores I would have waited to vaccinate until my car was fixed a week later a the very least :|

[captainshyguy]

ok i may not have caught all the dialogue because everyone was too gotdamn loud in the house, but i do have some tentative thoughts on encanto..which, like, im going to watch it properly so i can actually 100% focus, so these are preliminary and subject to change but they’re on my brain so i gotta get them down 

like...ok, the colours are lovely,. the designs are lovely. i love how different each person looks! and also they actually seem to have a bit of gravity and weight to them? how they moved was very expressive

i......felt it was too short? like. way too short? and the characters suffered quite a bit as a result? the number of characters probably didnt help? like. they’re all very fun from a potential standpoint but i felt like i never saw enough of ANY of them. including mirabel herself? there simply wasnt enough character moments with these people. i guess they were going for a vibe of like ‘the family unit as a whole’ but even then just.....i feel like i’d have to make up a lot of these family dynamics because just, so many people didnt interact. so many people just....weren’t around 

like, idk, for example, i expected bruno to...idk, have more screentime considering everything? it felt like they didnt actually...spend a lot of time together? and when i saw isabel and mirabel were going to have to hug, i thought ‘ok, we’re gonna get some failed attempts and we’re gonna come back to them later huh? give it time to like...be worked on and earned’ and then like, a song sequence later, there we were. it was very jarring. 

i kept feeling this like, i kept being like ‘ok so this is the secondary character- oh, nope. oh, so maybe this on- oh.no?’ and like. you can say thats my fault for expectations when they were going for somethingn else, but what im saying here is i didnt...get a lot of time with these guys, with mirabel interacing with them, bc it had to be spread so thinly, and like..the dynamics themself suffered a bit! i didnt know how these characters bounced off each other really. i didnt get to see it 

its....strange, it felt like the story was tripping over itself to tell itself. the plot....it felt rushed ok! it did! and there’s the whole, yknow, ‘character tells feelings through song kinda abruptly then its barely brought up again’ luisa REALLY had me blinking like i was expecting her to have a bigger role but then she just. she sang her song and she was done. very strange 

i just....there was a lot of potential here i think? you didnt even NEED to focus on every single person bc thats like. too much nkjfddnsgdkssd (as much as all the gifts interested me and how each person handles them) but i....i really think they should have chosen a handful of people and just....expanded a little further into those? like idk, mirabel, bruno, then one of the other kids?? (take your pick, each one has potential) instead it felt...oddly shallow? the characters felt more like fun potential than like. actual characters/people? which was a shame because they’re all very charming. there’s just 

there’s not enough of them man. it was a nice story but watching it was odd it felt like they just. they had more that they just cut or something. again, i might have just missed these character moments or pieces bc i couldnt hear all the dialogue but like. i still pretty much knew what was going on in each scene

though of course. we dont talk about bruno still objectively slaps