not brought back wrong. he brings you back right. but that's worse because you have to wake up and see him, your entire sensory memory of being alone and at his mercy intact. he brings you back right which means you're you and he's him and you know what that means. he brings you back right, and you're full of shame. you come back right. you wish you didn't.
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He wanted to extract his grace by himself. “In private.”
image description: scene from the beginning of “Beat the Devil” (13x21)
Sam asks Castiel as he joins them in the library, “Hey, how’s Gabriel?” Castiel answers as Sam faces away from him, “He said he needed a minute alone. He wanted to extract his grace by himself. “In private.”” Castiel uses finger quotes for the last phrase. Sam straightens up in surprise, and Castiel explains, “So I left him alone in Dean’s room.” Dean looks up saying, “What? No!” Sam glances up at Dean, smirking a little. Castiel tilts his head and squints at Dean, and Dean signs a bit, resigned.
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Director John Huston, Humphrey Bogart and Gina Lollobrigida during the making of Beat the Devil, 1953
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Why do i never get what i want... Why no after care after bmol. Why no after care after beat the devil. No tentatively cleaning the blood off of Sams neck and cheek?
I deserved to see Sam exhaustedly collapse into Deans arms, Dean walking Sam over to baby, helping him get in, making him as comfortable as possible. I wanted to see Dean taking care of his little brother, making sure there were no broken ribs, no infected cuts or burns. Cleaning him up, making him soup, tucking him into bed... is that so hard? Sam didn't even have to bring up the hallucinations and how they reminded him of lucifer for me to be happy...this would've been enough
And what about Sam coming back to a Dean who was fully prepared to walk back into that vampires cave just to retrieve his brothers dead body?? Huh?? Why did I not get to see Dean ushering Sam to a more secluded tent, away from Lucifers prying eyes, keeping his hands on Sams shoulders so that he can feel every flinch, looking at Sam with pleading eyes, because Dean needs to take care of Sam this time more for himself than for Sam. Because theres nothing physically wrong with Sam...but Dean doesnt know if he can spend one more second looking at that dry, caked up blood on Sam's neck. Its too much for him.
So why did I not get Dean softly and carefully rubbing the blood off of Sams face with an abandoned rag he found somewhere, comforting his little brother, promising him its not his fault, wiping away a stray tear that Sam let fall, but not saying anything about it....why did I not get that???
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Sam's life. having no other choice having it one he doesn't like. it ended with him tormented by Lucifer again.
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John Huston, Humphrey Bogart and Gina Lollobrigida during the making of 'Beat the Devil', 1953.
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