#Because I'm finding I do have a lot of thoughts

[consoledacup]

In order to fully understand Colin's reaction to the Lady Whistledown reveal and how he processes everything moving forward, you have to think about the entire season, the entire series really, through his point of view. I have no problems with the part 1/2 split. It made the anticipation that much more intense, and it worked out perfectly with their love story. But you can't separate one part from the other when you're thinking about his character.

In Colin's mind, the end of episode 4 is his happily ever after. That's it. He did it. He took action. He was the Cupid to her Psyche and played god and rescued her from a loveless match. He made shit happen and told her how he felt and they shared that moment in the carriage, and he gleefully proposed. He saved the girl and got the girl, and what a remarkable, enchanting, beautiful girl she is.

And aside from Eloise and Cressida, everyone's obsessed with their relationship. They're the true love match with a great story, and how lucky he is to fall in love with his best friend. And she's showing hints of unease, but maybe that's just wedding jitters. Or maybe she's mourning her relationship with Eloise which is why he keeps trying to get them to make up. Or maybe she doesn't feel as secure with him as she would've with Debling, even though she'd never tell him that. He is the third son after all. And he still has no idea how in love with him she is.

So when she tells him how she's always loved him, he's warmed but also wracked with guilt. Because if he had only taken his stupid head out of his ass, he would've figured out why her letters meant so much to him or why he was eager to participate in an investment with her family or why her lack of response the past summer devastated him. He thought he was the instigator of their love. He's the one who laid himself bare and was like, is it possible you feel a fraction of what I feel for you? And to find out that she did always love him made him feel so undeserving. Because why would this exquisite siren still want anything to do with him after all that he put her through?

There is an incredible scene that I think deserves a lot more gravitas. The minute Penelope mourns Lady Whistledown and burns her issues, it cuts to Colin getting over his writer's block as he writes with great enthusiasm. It's like, he's unknowingly siphoning her power. He is Cupid and a writer and her protector and her provider and so madly in love. And he will finish his manuscript, and he will make things right with Penelope and Eloise. And he and Penelope will have the perfect life together.

And then everything he thought he knew about Penelope, about friendship, about love, is completely shattered. She rips his power from him, and he is absolutely gutted. She has been the mastermind this entire time, and he was none the wiser. And what part of their love story was even real? At which point was he manipulated into doing what she wanted him to do? And while he was helping her with her confidence, and telling her how changed of an individual he was, she not only saw through him but broadcasted his insecurities to the entire ton?

He's still so desperately in love that he remains steadfast in marrying her. But he cannot get over his fury and hurt and betrayal at that point. Which makes so much sense. It's painful to see him lash out and withdraw from her, but he's absolutely reeling.

And on top of all that, he is humiliated. He thinks about everything she said about his own writing. She told him how he made it seem effortless, which is such a great compliment. And he's like, I don't want you to edit my manuscript because I want to prove to you that I'm worthy of you. And he might be thinking, I can even give her some pointers for her own writing! What fun we'll have with more lessons. To find out that she's the talented, sharpest, most prolific writer in the ton fully emasculates him. He feels like she was patronizing him all along.

He brings that part up, and she's like, no, I meant everything I said about your writing. But he doesn't believe her and immediately switches the conversation to her dangerous predicament, so he can at least, at the very least, offer himself up as her protector. It worked before when he danced with Penelope after Cressida ruined her dress, when he rescued Marina from Rutledge, when he helped save Daphne's reputation, when he saved Penelope's family from Cousin Jack, when he helped save Will's business, when he kissed Penelope, when he saved her from the balloon, when he defended her to her mother... If he can't be the provider, he can be the protector. And she doesn't even want that from him. She's the knight in shining armor. She's Don Quixote. Not him. Never him.

So he is grappling with his role in their union. He figures it out, but it takes him a little bit to get there. And in the process, he not only remains in love with Penelope the entire time, but he also falls head over heels for Lady Whistledown.

[weird-is-life]

hey lovie! what about a remus x reader where he sees her asleep in the back of the library one evening on his prefect rounds and he wakes her up. he is more concerned on how long she’s been studying/asleep since it’s so late…on their walk she just walks with him during his rounds because they are just chatty

they both fancy each other but neither of them think the other thinks the same. he walks her back to gryf tower snd he finally says what he’s wanted to say for years

(i hope that makes sense and if ya hate the idea, no problemo lol)

xoxo

Hii lovely🥰 ty for the request. I tried my best, hope this is okay. Warnings: fluff, use of y/n, like one swear word, (0.9k)

Remus has seen you many times before. Either in the common room, halls, dining room, and the most in the library.

Remus always sees you in the library. Sitting quietly more at the back of the room. Either reading some book or doing the assignments for the classes.

So it's no surprise to see you here even now. But it definitely catches him off guard seeing you here so so late. Remus was on the last one of his prefect rounds before heading to bed himself, and he wasn't expecting to see you in the library.

Remus, from a shorter distance, notices that you are asleep. Softly exhaling one breath after another. Something stirs in Remus's heart at the sight of you, but he ignores it.

Remus approaches you, and tries to wake you up as nicely as he can. He doesn't want to scare you. He gently shakes you by your shoulder, and whispers your name a few times.

You rouse from sleep, blinking,  completely baffled by Remus's handsome face.

Remus thinks you are even more cute when you are half asleep. It's not doing any favors to his feelings for you. But he wills those thoughts away, and says, "sorry, y/n. You fell asleep in the library, and it's getting pretty late."

The sleep haze quickly dissappears when you realise where you are. You are up on your feet in a matter of seconds, packing your things away.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I was reading, and-and I must have fallen asleep," you explain in a mild panic. You would be in a lot of trouble if it was anybody else other than Remus that had found you here. Students aren't allowed out of their dorms this late at night.

"It's alright," Remus reassures you with a warm smile," I've done that so many times. I can't even count how many times James or Sirius had to walk down here to retrieve me."

"Really?" you giggle quietly, still very much sleepy and a little stressed.

"Yeah, really," Remus chuckles, too. "Now c'mon, let's get you to your dorm. I'll walk you there. Well, that is if you don't mind."

You shake your head. Indicating that you don't mind at all. Your cheeks go pretty pink as Remus and you start to walk towards the dorms.

You've always thought that Remus was so handsome, and so so smart. You'd never done anything about your crush, of course. Too scared to say anything. But that doesn't mean you haven't been admiring him. You have just-........from afar.

"Why were you in the library so late?" Remus asks to fill in the awkward quiet between you. And also he's a bit worried about you staying there until so late.

"Just studying, I couldn't figure out one assignment," you sigh. You still haven't figured it out, even if you stayed in the library for so many hours.

"The one for the potions?"

"Yeah," you admit in defeat," I've read everything I possibly could, but still i didn't find the answer."

Remus gives you a hesitant smile. You two are just a few steps from the dorms. You were walking too long in the awkward silence, and now the flowing conversation is about to end.

"I can give you the answer. I'll give it to you right away if you give me a second to look for it in my room," Remus instantly offers.

He's spent good few hours trying to find the answer too, so he understands how frustrating it can get. So he's very willing to give you the answer just so you don't go to bed with that on your mind. And also because he likes you, like a lot, and he would give you literally anything if you'd asked for it. He's down that bad for you.

"Really? I would really appreciate it, Remus," you say, happy about his help. You can't even think of how you could possibly thank him for it.

"Just give me a second," he turns towards his dorm, but he suddenly freezes halfway to the door.

Remus abruptly gets a better idea or well it depends on how well it goes. He just can't help his feelings for you any longer, and he needs to know what you feel, too. Even if he may get rejected, and end up with a broken heart.

Remus slowly turns around to face you again, a shy smile on his face.

"Or-r," he starts," we could go to Hogsmeade during the weekend, and I could explain it to you there. With something nice to eat and drink." Remus blurts it out in one breath.

Your eyes go very wide. Is Remus Lupin asking you out on a date or are you still very much asleep in the library, dreaming of this moment?

"L-like a date?" you sheepishly ask, blushing, and looking everywhere but him after your question.

"Yes. Exactly like a date." Remus states, looking nervous and hopeful at the same time.

You look up at him with a smile, you can't really believe that this is happening, " I think, I'd love that."

"Really?" Remus questions happily.

"Yes, really," you nod your head, sending a reassuring smile his way.

"Great. I can't wait," he tells you with a visible excitement.

"Me too," you admit bashfully.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow. We can sort out the time then. Goodnight, y/n," Remus says, giving you one more soft smile of his.

"Yes, tomorrow then. Goodnight to you too, Remus," you wave him goodbye, and quickly dissappear into your dorm before you can collapse on the spot from the way your legs have turned to jello.

You think you can hear pretty loud cheers of the Marauders as you head to change into your pyjamas. A shy giggle escapes your mouth when you think about Remus telling his best mates about your date, and them being so happy about it.

[burntheedges]

Fandom resources intro & explainer (with a bit of history)

Hi! So I’ve been reading fic for like… 25 years (I’m 37). I’ve been around for a lot and seen a lot, but I only started writing last year, and I remember what it was like to feel like I wasn’t really involved in fandom in the past. Even though I was reading fic constantly and I wanted to be involved. And I remember the feeling of being new to something and not having any idea what people are talking about. So, I figured I’d share some resources. (If this helps just one person I will be happy.) Below you'll find more on how to figure out what people are talking about and some ideas for engaging actively with fandom. (Also, I'm not an expert, I'm just good at research.)

Fanlore, or how to figure out what the heck people are talking about

Have you ever been reading a post on tumblr and thought, ok, everyone seems to know what this thing is but I don’t? Maybe it’s “strikethrough,” maybe it’s a reference to the founding of ao3 (by fans), maybe it’s the ball pit. Well, I have a website for you: fanlore.org

Note: this is not to say that I think we should all necessarily be using the same slang from 20 years ago, or that everyone needs to be an expert on fandom history. I just know and remember the feeling of being left out because I didn't know what people were talking about, and I love to look things up. So this is how I do that. and similar to wikipedia, it's a great starting point for research... and then maybe you'll find a thread you want to tug on a bit more.

Fanlore is the wiki for fandom, in both a general and specific sense. It’s got pages on fandom history and slang and tropes and everything else. Here are some pages that may be of interest to get you started:

Strikethrough, or what happened to livejournal? And while we’re on the subject, why is everyone so nostalgic for LJ anyway?

What's the deal with the fanfiction.net purge?

The founding of ao3 (and see the "no direct advertising" section for more on why you can't talk about commissions or sales on ao3, and the section on racism for an overview of various discussions with links to more)

What’s a lemon?

A list of tropes, fun to explore

YKINMKATO (or, kink tomato)

What's the ball pit?

What’s up with people using the word slash?

A big list of fandom slang in the fandom glossary

What's a fandom challenge?

And they have a new visitor portal! and more!

Fandom and all the ways we engage with it

Something I often wondered as a fan before I started writing was, what is my role here? How do I engage with fandom? What do fans do if they don’t write or make art?

So I thought I’d make a list! I love lists. And maybe you’ll see something in my list that speaks to you and makes you feel like you have something for you where you didn’t before. That would make me so happy. Fanlore also has a whole category page for fan activities which is way more exhaustive than my list!

Writing (fic, poetry, meta, and more)

Making art - fanart, gifs, memes, so much more

Recording podfics

Making podcasts

Organizing fic archives/libraries/fic rec pages or tumblr accounts (the hours I spent exploring the Sterek library account, y’all...)

Creating and organizing character or media archives (think of all the possibilities - outfit compendiums, dialogue arhives, etc.)

Making fic rec lists (around themes, authors, etc.) and sharing them

Making playlists (around themes, fandoms, characters, relationships, more!) and sharing them - also called fanmixes

Making fanvids (videos) and sharing them

Contributing to a wiki

Cosplay

Crafts - knitting, crocheting, sewing, woodworking, and more!

Commenting and contributing to discussions

Creating and sharing polls

Interviewing fellow fans

Fan surveys

Creating moodboards and/or collages

Liveblogging as you watch or rewatch new episodes or movies (make sure to tag it)

Sending asks and comments

Leaving kudos and comments (on ao3) and commenting/reblogging (on tumblr)

Hosting viewing parties

Running fandom events (or helping with them), like challenges

Bookbinding (not for profit)

Making zines

How do I get started?

In my experience, when people say their inboxes are open, they mostly mean it. If you see someone who makes art you love, tell them you love it and ask them how they got started. Ask them what tools they use! If you see someone making amazing gifs, tell them you love them and ask for tips or resources. And share their work!

Fanlore also has resources, so the links and ideas are out there. And reaching out to someone on tumblr is often the easiest way in. Send an ask, write a comment, reblog with a comment. Explore the tags for your fandom. Tell someone you loved something or ask them a question. And on that topic, consider my asks and messages open if you want to chat! Or talk about any of this! Or share your ideas for more ways to do fandom!

Talking to people can be scary, I know, but just remember that we all have something in common - we're waaaaaaaay too into something (or a lot of things) and would love to talk about it. We're dying to talk about it. Please talk about it with us. And that is a foundation we can build on! Even if it’s just in comments or in reblogs or in tags - we love comments and reblogs and tags.

If talking to someone doesn’t go anywhere, that’s ok. Like in non-tumblr life, we all get along with some people more than others. We all have different types of connections all across this platform, some closer than others. Sometimes people are busy or life is happening or they just can’t engage right then. Sometimes you won’t click with someone. That’s all ok! Reaching out gets easier with practice.

If you do make or share something, tag it! Use fandom tags and broader tumblr tags (e.g., 'podfic') to help people find it.

I love fandom, and I always have, even when I was the lurkiest of lurkers. So I hope this helps. 🧡 My inbox, as I said, is open.

[gleefullypolin]

Stacy's Tipsy Musing's - Colin Bridgerton Hot Takes - Part 2

Ok boys and girls, we need to have a little chat about Colin Bridgerton.

Part 2 has been out now for a couple of days and there have been a lot of hot takes to come out of the season. A LOT of hot takes. I’m going to break this down into 4 parts. 4 questions that I'm seeing really bad hot takes about Colin.

Now none of this is new, I gotta say before Season 3 aired Colin was a hot button topic anyway. He seemed to be the Bridgerton brother that lots of people love to spew hate takes on anyway. But damn I gotta say its painful seeing the Polin fandom have so many bad takes falling from their lips.

So, I figured...having a little drink tonight, sitting down for Father’s Day (Happy Father’s Day, Colin) I’d give you the opinion on some of these takes that you didn’t ask for...Mine!

Last time we talked about Colin’s entrapment statement to Pen and if he truly meant it.  Question 1, now lets get to Question 2:

Why would Colin send Pen home alone after finding her on the street at night?

Ok we are going to have to resolve a few things here. One, our desire to watch Pen/Colin have hot angry sex right there on the street, and two Colin Bridgerton respecting Penelope too much to do so. So, let’s start at the top. Colin finds Pen walking home on a dark street after a long night of drinking the night before they are to be married. And not just a little drinking, a LOT of drinking. He was going pretty hard at the bar with his brother, the boys could not keep up with him, and Kate called him out for smelling like a bottle of liquor.

Now he sees the reason for all his drinking, walking down a dark road STILL putting herself in danger in the middle of the night. His mind is racing about what the hell she is doing out there, he immediately just assumes it is connected to Whistledown. The woman he despises, hates, and is highly jealous of.

Now they fight. Because of course they do. Pen does a good job of holding her own against his anger here. She tries to explain herself, that she was trying to protect El, that she wanted to protect him, that she made mistakes, she should have done things differently. That Colin has given her confidence to stand up for herself without Whistledown, and you can see his resolve give. The moment he thinks she will walk away from it, he appears like that will end it all, it will stop the fight in it’s tracks.

But then she tells him there is still value to her keeping it. And that is where you see the real reason for him holding onto his anger. The jealousy. The fact that he feels she was laughing at him, by being a writer herself she must have not been truthful to him about his own writing. About his talent. And then the anger bubbles back up, and he hits her about his concern for her safety. And then it surges forward, his need to protect her. And that is where she strikes at him, she does not need his protection.

And here we are at the crux of Colin Bridgerton’s pain. His hero complex without a damsel to save. “Then what good am I to you?” She silences him with the one thing she can. Love. Pen loves Colin. It’s all she needs from him. And he is lost momentarily in her need for him to love her. His purpose. And they lose themselves in each other without thought in passion. Colin forgets his anger, his jealousy, his shame and he takes her up against the wall in public, on the street. And it’s not until that cursed horse ruins our voyeuristic excitement that Colin suddenly remembers that he has Pen up against a wall in public.

And this is not our Colin Bridgerton that loves Penelope. Not the Colin who just admonished her for not respecting him enough to talk directly to him. He is not the Colin Bridgerton who would take her out of anger. He would not take her while feeling this shame and hurt toward her. Simply having her tied to him does not mean he can just take what he wants. So instead, he treats her with respect, he walks her to the carriage, and he puts her safely inside.

He then makes sure she understands that she will see him in the morning at the wedding, he intends to be there to marry her, regardless of what is going on between them. And then he sends her home. Because anything else would not be Colin. He’s drunk, he’s angry, and the alternatives would not end without adding more shame to himself.

Stick around for part 3....

Why would Colin sleep on the couch and ruin their wedding night and then continue to sleep on the couch after they are married?

[witchering10123]

blood and cheese

ok, so for me this one's about fifty-fifty

i do think that we need to bear in mind that this needs to actually be filmed and give the child actors as little trauma as possible, so the psychological trauma of the children??? yeah, glad they didn't go down that route tbh

while maelor was an important part of b&c in the book, that would again have required a LOT from the child actors and I very much appreciate that they didn't traumatised the child actors

the change they made to make helaena choose between her son and daughter would have been just as emotionally torturous as making her choose between her two sons, and i thought that the actors did that really well

I did like that rhaenyra told daemon that she wanted aemond specifically, and he then went forward and added the whole "if you can't find him kill jaehaerys", it really adds to him grasping for more and more power and acting against rhaenyra's interests, it's going to make the rest of the season incredibly interesting

I also like how they're showing the bad and the good on both team black and green (after all the trouble to divide the fanbase lmao)

I think we should have gotten more scenes with jaehaerys and jaehaera - I thought that b&c was going to happen like next episode and it would build up the children and their relationship with helaena and aegon a bit more so we could be really gut punched during b&c. while it was horrific... we didn't get the chance to meet the family

i thought that cheese not knowing how to get to the upper levels and that they accidentally happened upon them was... not very good writing. the whole point was that b&c knew exactly what they were doing and they were very effective at what they did. it added to the horror that people could use the red keep against its inhabitants and do such an atrocity as b&c

this could be attributed to shock on helaena's part but I feel it was more a bad writing decision that they changed helaena offering her life to helaena offering her necklace??? like idk, obviously she has grasped the situation and maybe she did think that she could persuade them with money but surely when that failed she could have offered her life - obvi not wanting helaena dead I love her to pieces but it would have made the situation seem so much more horrible if helaena had been pleading for them to kill her instead only for them to wait for her to choose between her children

helaena walking in on alicent and criston felt like it was for shock value, and the fact that alicent and criston had sex earlier in the episode completely cancelled out the shock imo. I think it would have been far more effective to find aegon (as jaehaerys' father), aemond (as the initial target), or ser arryk (because I'm sorry where exactly were all the guards??? how the everlasting fuck did b&c walk through the castle without using the tunnels and only encounter a handmaiden???)

soooo on the whole, it was good??? the aftermath of b&c is really what's going to make it either be brilliant or not

[transhuman-priestess]

Hello, this is about the tme/tma post.

I mean this entirely genuinely, this isn't a bad faith question. I'm a trans girl and I find tme/tma to be useful but flawed tools to talk about transmisogyny. What should I use instead and/or how do you think I should talk about it?

This is an alt because my main is message-banned, I'm one of your mutuals and I respect your thoughts on the subject.

I mean, again, I’d rather you stop trying to fit everything into a nice comforting false binary.

I understand that the term has some use to some people but overwhelmingly it just seems to be a new way to rehash MTF/FTM, AGAB, etc, with the added bonus of othering a lot of trans guys and quite a few nonbinary folks by lumping them in with cis people under the guise of talking about a particular axis of oppression magically exclusive to trans women.

TLDR it’s just badellism with extra steps (note: I do not have the intellectual and emotional capacity right now to either explain baeddelism nor spell it correctly)

[freakartack]

Okay. This is going to be an extremely weird question, especially since I have the opposite mario alien tism

How would orbulon react to the shroobs :0 I'm just curious

NOT WEIRD i fucking love thinking about warioware's connection with the Greater Mario Universe, which I am also unhealthily obsessed with. In fact I'll do you one better:

ORBULON'S RANKINGS OF VARIOUS ALIENS IN THE MARIO SERIES*

*Not including things that are only aliens by virtue of being in mario galaxy

Shroobs

Going to talk about them as a collective here (so this includes all shrooboids and shroobsworths and whatnot), but first of all I fucking love the shroobs. I think the concept of a fungus alien that weaponizes mycorrhizae is ingenious, and their blank little gaping mouth expression is hilarious. THAT BEING SAID, orbulon would be a little less receptive to them. Given that he's been trying to take over the world for 1000 years, and they almost conquered it in like 2 seconds, he would probably be scared shitless. 0/10 too scary

Tatanga

A lot of people ask me about this one. "Would tatanga and orbulon be buddies? They are both aliens that worked for wario!" And to that I say no. Yes, they are both diminutive little aliens bent on conquering the world. However, so are Shroobs. Not only would orbulon be similarly intimidated by someone way more competent at doing so than his lazy ass, but tatanga, notably, does NOT respect women - he kidnapped the resident red-haired girl to try and force her to become his bride, something that would not fly with orbulon given that he is best friends with a red-haired girl and is also occassionally one himself. Furthermore, while Orbulon works for Wario because Wario offered him a place to stay in his hour of need and they are friends, Tatanga worked for Wario because he was really mad that their mutual enemy stopped him from forcing someone to become his bride. (This was also during Wario's evil phase, so he didn't really care about that as long as Mario got walloped. Which he didn't. Good going, Tatanga.) Fortunately, Orbulon never had to cross paths with tatanga due to my pet theory that he was asleep for the entirety of Super Mario Land. 2/10 incel

X-Nauts

You may be sensing a pattern here. This is another one that Orbulon is not a fan of, but this is also one that he's actually around for. Unlike the invasion of the Shroobs, which he was around for but not invested in Earth beyond a potential conquest yet, or the invasion of Tatanga, which he was asleep for and didn't find out about until he woke up to a million missed notifications on his dashboard about Unknown Spacecrafts Near You, this happened around the events of Warioware Touched (if you decide to view mario games as happening concurrently with wario games released at the same time, which is a fun thought exercise if you ignore enough things.) SO, if we arranged the timeline just so, we could pretend that he had an experience like this:

1/10 their advancements in synthetic organisms are fascinating

Squirps

There is absolutely no chance of Squirps and Orbulon interacting or having interacted. Which is a shame, because they'd probably get along better than most aliens on this list. Squirps would probably regard Orbulon as a weird old man, despite technically being at most half a century younger than him. Orbulon would think he was a cute kid but likely be overwhelmed by his energy as Squirps runs laps around him (similar to Kat and Ana). 7/10 just make sure he doesn't bite you

E.C.

10/10 they go out for drinks every friday

[grison-in-space]

I'm sorry? Pigeons have to coo to ovulate?

okay, okay, I left this one out in the tags without elaborating the other day and you were not the only person who asked-- @nanavn and @corvus--caurinus were also curious. I did not have a ton of time yesterday when my brain was not leaking out my ears, so here I am today.

First, I apparently misremembered my grad school teachings: the best-documented case study of doves being required to hear their own coo in order to ovulate is that of the ring or Barbary dove (Streptopelia risoria), not the rock dove which gave rise to our domestic pigeons (Columba livia). They look like this:

They're the domestic doves you see sometimes that aren't domestic pigeons.

But yes, I was completely serious: hens need to very specifically hear their own nest coo to ovulate. The way it works is this: these doves have a very specific courtship pattern, where courting males at different stages of the nesting process perform first a "bow" coo, then a nest coo. Then the hen makes a nest coo back, and the pair goes on to build a nest together in which the hen will lay fertile eggs.

If you prevent the hen from producing this coo--and the first paper I've linked does this in several different ways with both neural lesions and also mechanical blocks of the synrinx--she will not ovulate. Then Dr. Cheng tried rescuing the effect for doves who could hear but not produce their own coos by playing back recordings of devocalized doves' own nest coos, recordings of other hen's nest coos, recordings of male nest coos (their own males, I think, for preference?) and no recordings at all. Hen nest coo recordings, especially the recordings of the hens themselves, were enough to rescue ovulation effect... but deafened hens who could, themselves produce nest coos weren't able to make ovulation happen half the time even when the male was right there. The male nest coo and his mating display is really important, because his coo stimulates the female to make her nest coo, and that's where ovulation starts.

In 2003, a little over a decade later, Dr. Cheng wrote a whole book chapter about auditory self-stimulation as a phenomenon in neuroendocrine shifts. It makes for pretty interesting reading! I'm going to really enjoy it this afternoon. Stimulated ovulation is actually a pretty common phenomenon in animals--often it makes more sense to only bother ovulating if you know there's a partner around to use whatever eggs you yield up--but this one is one of the most interesting and elaborate systems out there, and definitely the one that offers the most options to a given female dove to potentially consciously control her reproductive output.

But grison, you might ask, what about the doves outside my window? Is this just a function of this one dove species, or are lots of doves doing this to make ovulation happen? So I went looking to find out whether anyone has checked. The thing is that the heyday of pigeon behavioral research has faded somewhat in the intervening decades since Dr. Cheng's discovery, so there's not as much as I might hope where people sat down to investigate the question. I did, however, find a neat study on Columba livia demonstrating that auditory stimulation is more important to courtship displays and success than visual displays are, although of course the multisensory courtship is stronger than either sensory modality alone. So yeah, the cooing back and forth really loudly is part of a display that is functionally necessary for successfully producing offspring, and the auditory component is important for basically every pigeon that has been studied in this respect (albeit that number is pitifully small).

I also found this really interesting review of known uses of birdsong to set internal emotional states in birds (either for the self or for a partner or flockmates) that I want to look into with more detail, plus this really thoughtful review from Dr. Donna Maney talking about how "incentive salience" can use learning and experience to make certain cues bring up neuroendocrine changes in state over time, which helps individuals control how their endocrine system is reacting to stimuli in the world they've been shaped by. Clearly I have some reading to do...

[batmanfruitloops]

regarding lazarus!riddler

Is Ed the same after being resurrected? does he stuffer from any lazarus pit side effects like lazarus pit madness? Or does Ed after being relived sorta come back “wrong”

one more question if that’s okay, how did Jo find out about the lazarus pit in the first place? did Jo found out about lazarus pit himself or did someone tell him?

He does experience Lazarus madness, yes. The best way I can describe his behavior is he becomes a lot like the Arkham series Riddler. It doesn't last as long as what others would experience though. There is a comic, I'm not sure which one I can't remember, where the Riddler uses the Lazarus pit to cure himself of cancer and because of his intelligence, it does not drive him insane. So the length of the effects is based on that fact, but y'know he still died. I'm sure dying and coming back would make anyone a little kooky. Jonathan is also a big help, Ed can never overpower Jo so he's able to keep Ed in check while he's under the effects. If Ed was able to run free he'd be acting on any impulse he had with no regard for consequence and making the effects worse. This little gremlin can make a nuke if he wants, and to have no morals holding him back is bad for everyone. Jonathan is very aware of this he will do everything to one, keep him alive and two, keep Ed from doing something he'd never forgive himself for.

I'm not entirely set on how Jo finds out about the pit. For now, I'll say it's likely he and Ed have both come across rumors and hints within Gotham's history. They would not have deliberately been looking for the pit, it just merely would have come up in Ed's snooping. Neither of them would have thought about more than it being mere mythos. All that throughout searching on Ed's part is bound to dig up something about the League of Assassins (which is something of a secret society in our version). After Ed's death, Jonathan would have been desperate enough to research more for himself. There had to be some merit to it, there had to be something.

I had some unfished/conceptual sketches on hand luckily. For some context, in the first sketch, Jo has to keep tying Ed down because otherwise, he's going to escape and make a death ray or something. He also tries his best to keep things as normal as he can for both of them. The second sketch is just to show what they look like under the effects, though I'm not too sure about the placement of the white streaks.

-Fluffy

[drizztdohurtin]

Can you write headcanons for Nere (or drow men in general) about pursuing a relationship with a human and becoming more comfortable at being submissive with no pressure or violence from said partner? Basically I just want that bratty bastard to get a chance at healing

Hey anon! So I tried writing this so many times and ended up deciding that I'm going to answer this request here by talking about drow men in general, and then do a separate post for Nere that will be up tomorrow!

There's so much nuance when talking about Drow! I'm so obsessed with writing about it, I end up discussing so much that I have to break everything up for organization and simplicity. So let's go ahead and start with this idea in general.

I know you asked for it to be with a human partner, but I'd like to make it more broad because in the end, it's not going to matter what race their partner is if they're not a drow.

This isn't going to be super specific either, just a big accumulation of my thoughts about all this! <3

Thoughts on Drow Men and Submitting to a Non-Drow Partner

[ masterlist ] [ wip list ]

pairing: Drow Men x gn!Reader

Content Warnings: NSFW concepts under the cut (non-explicit), discussion of noncon activity in Lolthian cities

What to expect: above the cut: nuance and Surface drow exploration below the cut: brief NSFW discussion, this is where the CW comes into play, brief talk about dom/sub dynamics

Please check out my post about Drow lore, specifically the sections about Lorendrow/Aevendrow/Udadrow and under the cut about Lolthian society. It's helpful to understand their lore before going into this stuff.

Let's get some considerations out of the way first:

All udadrow no matter their gender or who they follow are taught that they are superior to other races and even other drow communities - and I think this is an important piece when talking about this request. Here, I'm only going to focus on udadrow men, as only the drow men of the Underdark will have the sort of upbringing and understanding of society that this request is concerned with.

I also think it's important to mention that only Lolthites grow up in a matriarchy and are taught that women are far superior to men, who are considered to be near-worthless. The only people that a Lolthite man would see as superiors are Lolthite women - not women of any race - or possibly other drow men in higher positions/stations than them.

The udadrow men who leave their respective societies are not all going to be doing so for the same reason, and they're not all going to have the same attitude about it. However, I do think that the ones leaving to come to the surface are almost always going to be good/neutral-aligned and no longer following the evil members of the Dark Seldarine - a more evil-aligned drow would have no purpose on or interest in the surface because none of their kind dwells there.

Take the famous Drizzt Do'Urden versus Nere, for example: Drizzt flees Lolthian society because of his disdain for it, he (a very well-aligned character) doesn't agree with how the society runs and the cruel things people are subjected to. Because he's so well-aligned, the teachings of superiority and gender inequality do not stick with him as a belief (to summarize him to an absurd amount). Nere, on the other hand, still has a lot of those cruel tendencies and a general sense of superiority over other races even though he no longer follows Lolth during the events of the game (same with Minthara, actually). He likely was offered more power when he was recruited to the Cult of the Absolute, more power than he'd ever have while following Lolth.

So when we're talking about this request within the context of the game, it's far more likely that any drow men you meet are going to be similar to Nere - power-hungry udadrow who were promised greater things if they left their Dark Seldarine god behind - because the entire gameplay revolves around an evil cult, so we're going to find evil people.

However, if we're talking about Forgotten Realms stuff outside of the game, I'd imagine the drow men you're most likely to meet on the surface are ex-Lolthites who are more like Drizzt - leaving the society they grew up in to find a better, more peaceful life on the surface.

Since this is the "drow men in general" post, I'm going to stick to this idea that the drow men you meet are almost always ex-Lolthites who came to the surface for a better life. With that in mind, I'd imagine that the chances of them already being a better person than an average udadrow are going to be really high. They're far less likely to let the taught prejudice against other races follow them out of the Underdark and into their new lives where they know they'll be heavily outnumbered by other races like humans, elves, dwarves, and halflings.

I think another important note is that drow receive a large amount of discrimination and nasty comments from other races, including (or especially) other elves due to their history, and the general notion that drow are evil and come to do horrible things to people. While people on the surface could use common sense and realize that a lone drow on the surface going about their daily lives is probably not evil nor associated with an evil god, that's not always what happens.

Combining all of these thoughts, it's my opinion that it would be highly likely for a drow man you meet on the Surface to be good/neutral-aligned and open to being with all different types of people as long as they're treated well by them! I think what matters the most is what energy this person gives to them, and how well their alignments and beliefs match up.

Assuming that being submissive is not something they're already sure they're into when they meet you (bc who knows, maybe some of them come to the Surface already into the idea of being dominated by their partner), becoming comfortable with it might happen a bit quicker than you'd expect.

Like with any relationship that's going to have dom/sub dynamics, trust is important. Once trust is established between you two it should be fairly easy to move into something like that. However, it might be the hardest thing for your partner to overcome, as drow are taught not to trust anyone - so if they spent a long time under those ideas and teachings it may be harder to overcome, even if they've spent a long time on the surface

In Lolthian communities, men are used and disposed of by the women, their enjoyment is not taken into consideration (many of the women get off on the men's torment, actually) - so I think for some of them there'd be considerable pleasure and relief in you taking a real interest in their pleasure during sex, especially when you're being dominant over them. Ensure they know their enjoyment is as important as yours (bonus points if sometimes their enjoyment is more important).

Another thing to take in mind is consent, especially for the ones who might've not been given a choice in their past before leaving the Underdark. Actively asking for consent and checking in on him could go a long way, especially at the beginning of the sexual relationship. Starting things off this way with him could allow him to eventually become comfortable with some of the harder/rougher things you may be into.

There isn't much else to say because I think the majority of it just has to do with communication and respect from both sides. And, of course, it always depends on the person and what their life was like before coming to the surface. Some might be ready fairly quickly to try submitting, but others might take much longer to feel comfortable and will require more building of trust and mutual respect.

Thanks for reading and letting me yap about more drow stuff! The Nere addition will be posted tomorrow :)

[oldshrewsburyian]

hello hello — long time listener first time caller as it were, but I’ve just finished reading robin mckinley’s ‘the outlaws of sherwood’ partially on your recent recommendation, and I wondered if you had any thoughts on the ending?

the first Most of the book is genuinely one of my favorite takes on robin hood that I’ve read (the fear and quite how well-written that fear is! the economic concerns and the damp unpleasant realities of living full-time in a forest! the ballad-accurate crossdressing! I really did love the way mckinley writes these scared, pragmatic, argumentative, vaguely-GNC versions of robin and marian…) and then it just. ends like That.

personally I’m inclined to read this as a tragedy, and I’m not sure how else to see this sort of forced-military-service punishment scheme of richard’s as anything but tragic for robin & co. but then again, it does feel like a Somewhat historically suitable thing for him to have done…

however, as I know you’re a known Good and Interesting Takes Haver, might I enquire what You think about taking the robin hood story in that direction? (and/or, if you feel so inclined, what you yourself might have done to wrap up the tale rather than leaving them in that particular pickle?)

Hello hello, absolutely delighted to have you on the airwaves. I'm also v. pleased that you picked up The Outlaws of Sherwood, and that you enjoyed -- at least the first Most of it! You've enumerated a lot of the things I love about this adaptation too: the way pragmatism and idealism sit side by side under leaky shelters in Lincoln green cloth that didn't dye right (trees are streaky!) And the gender non-conformity and the camp for refugees (a nod to the '38 film there) and just... I love everyone in this greenwood.

Anyway: I think the central problem of trying to write a Robin Hood novel is that novels end in ways ballads don't. Ballads can conclude with men dancing hand-in-hand under a tree. They can end with the sheriff foiled again. But they are always episodes in a larger story, without an obligation to the same kind of narrative closure that novels (typically) have. And McKinley is -- I think commendably! -- dealing with other problems particular to modern Robin Hood retellings. The ballad tradition does not have a consistent way of handling Robin's relationship(s) to established political authority. In one of them (I think the same one with Sir Richard of the Lea), King Richard suspects Robin of setting himself up as a rival power in the north. But the resolution chosen by most modern film adaptations -- which I follow other scholars in viewing as influential Robin Hood sources of their own, now -- establishes that Robin is not really a threat to the established order. Richard comes back, and things are fine because he is a Good King™. Now, as you may be able to tell, I find this less than satisfying. The '38 version I actually accept because what cements success is not Richard's return but his promise of undoing injustice, and even then, Robin and Marian's happy ending requires them to escape even that. My feelings, again.

Now, finally, to how I read what McKinley is doing. If a Robin Hood story is not going to move forward in time to Robin Hood's death (adaptations that ripped my heart out that way Know What They Did) it needs to end somehow. As for historical plausibility: uh, no, not really, but this is a Robin Hood story, and it's not too far off as long as I don't think about canon law too hard. I agree with you, there is something tragic about the ending. But I think there is also something defiant and hopeful. As for what I would do differently... I've written alternate or extended endings for other Robin Hood 'verses, but I'm not sure I could figure out a better ending for this one, given the tone of the rest of the novel.

McKinley refuses -- and I like this -- to give us Richard as the Good King™ who will solve problems because he is a Good King™. But her King Richard is a perceptive man, and a ruthless man, and a man who likes a good story, as well as one who appreciates loyalty. So the outlaws, facing a force vastly superior in numbers and equipment, realistically fail (instead of relying on Greenwood Shenanigans to succeed.) And thus they are thrown, legally, on the mercy of the king, and the mercy of a Plantagenet is always a chancy thing. But Richard Plantagenet looks at this half-starved, wild-eyed band of men and women, only some of whom are capable of standing unaided, and sees, very clearly, the label: Matched Set, Do Not Separate. He also sees, I think, a group of people whom he does not want to punish for trying to craft a just society in a place where his and his father's laws failed to function as they should. So he punishes (and, from his perspective if not from ours, also rewards) them by bringing them into his service. He can't punish them less and hold the north. He won't punish them more and cross the sea still thinking of that little room in a knight's stronghold. So the outlaws of Sherwood are condemned to leave it, but they live to love each other another day, and as many days as they can manage. Perhaps that is hope enough.

[menlove]

Hey have you read any good McLennon fix-its

OH BOY HAVE I. i love mclennon fix-its they genuinely heal my soul & they're for sure my favorite i'm ngl. here we gooooo. just pulling from my bookmarks in no particular order...

favorites have a 💖 next to them!

blood on the tracks by mynamesbetty

gen-mature. 66k modern au, 11 part series, eventual fix-it. He was a grown man, a rock star, richer than Croesus, emotionally stable, and more than capable of handling a surprise visit from his ex-husband. Paul married John when he was eighteen and divorced him at twenty-nine. Two years later, John pays Paul a visit.

'til touchdown brings me round again to find by wardo_weditit

explicit. 12k. It was one thing when he was doing this for Elton—yeah, because of a bet, but mostly because Elton is his friend and he wants to support him. It was just a one-off thing that seemed like it could be fun, or cool, or maybe even memorable. But now, if Paul’s going to be there, it takes on a hell of a lot more meaning because that’s the way it goes, that’s what things with Paul always do. Or, Paul comes to see John's surprise appearance at Elton's show, and grand gestures abound.

here you come again by harmonising

mature. 16k. (take this one w a grain of salt i can't remember if it's a full fix it? but well. john's alive, so) 1982. John comes back to England. He and Paul spend a weekend together.

Grow Old With Me by inherownwrite 💖

explicit. 8k. Paul breaks his arm, and John panics.

and when broken bodies are washed ashore (who am i to ask for more) by wardo_wedidit 💖

mature. 39k. “Jesus, took you long enough,” John says, adjusting the duffle over his shoulder. “Thought I might be out here til morning at this rate.” For a second he wonders if he’s drunker than he thought, but no. As far as he can tell, it is still 1980, and he hasn’t seen or so much as spoken to John in ten years. Or, John comes to stay with Paul in Scotland to ride out the press storm of his divorce to Yoko, and Paul learns to stop running away.

i was a younger man then (now) (post hoc) by fingersfallingupwards 💖

mature. 27k. (i'm not kidding i think this one is my favorite ever mclennon fics. it's only 27k but it feels like an entire novel. this lives in my head rent free forever. this is my heartstopper or whatever the kids are saying) John’s twelve when a bloke appears from a flaming pie and says, “From this day forward you are Beatles with an ‘a.’” The bloke is Paul. Or: paul and john meet at all ages and eras and john is the time-traveler’s wife the way only john lennon can be

Stop all the clocks by javelinbk

mature. 30k. For the following kink meme prompt: ‘1967. After Brian dies, Paul decides not to go ahead with MMT, and takes John up to Scotland for a month instead.’ Also based on the following comment on said prompt: ‘pls someone let them fuck tenderly in 1967’

I Need My Love to Be Here by notgrungybitchin

explicit. 8k. After John gets his first panic attack in Hamburg, he starts to realize that Paul might be the only person who can bring him back to himself.

[sciderman]

small teenesy tiny question. if u dont like colouring why do it? i thought u ran that blog for fun?

i do run the blog for fun! but the fun bit for me is the writing, really. that's the most fun bit, and that's actually why i've been writing more fanfiction lately - writing the fics, actually, i've found i enjoy much more than making the posts, lately. because the writing is what i enjoy. i think i could feel quite happy continuing all the story in fic format but - i'd feel guilty about it, because a lot of people are invested in the story and expect to see it continued in the comic format. i mean - actually, originally, i was going to write the epilogue of ask-spiderpool, post-civil war, in fic format. that was the idea. and - honestly, i kind of wish i had. it probably would've been all wrapped up by now. but... i do love the collaborative nature of the ask-blog format, even if it isn't what it was.

i could write scripts for days and days, and i really do enjoy drawing the posts - i have my sketchbooks filled with those posts all scribbled out but - after i've drawn them, it does feel like a labour to colour them. it's like "ah. all the fun bits are done. now it's the boring bit."

like - you know, the writing takes some brain power. and figuring out all the facial expressions and the performances, that takes brain power. but the colouring feels so tedious to do. and lately - i don't know, it's become such a struggle for me to do tasks that i find dull. i think - maybe because my day job is so tedious that - well, i NEED tasks that keep my brain stimulated. i crave tasks that ask a lot from my brain, so that i don't go brain dead. and so tasks that are even just a little bit less engaging, i get bored so quickly. it's so funny - i do a lot of freelance work on top of my day job but - i don't get tired doing them, because they're very creatively stimulating. but my day job, i get tired so quickly. it's just a brain thing. it's actually why i don't watch movies or television anymore. i only read books. because movies don't stimulate me enough. i need to use my brain ferociously. it's such an itchy thing that refuses to sit still. it needs to be challenged all the time or else it won't let me be happy. i wish my brain would sit still and just... meditate, and be happy. but it just won't. so when i'm colouring posts it's like "UGHH if i HAVE to" sort of a thing.

[125storejuice]

Hi!! So ive been having trouble finding a job, it feels like no matter how many places I apply to and how many times I follow up, I'm getting no where. When I say I am in a financial crisis I mean I'm PRAYING no one sues me right now for bills that I owe that haven't been able to pay for a year because things have been rocky for FOREVER. I am 90k in debt from medical bills, and school I wasn't able to finish. I seriously struggle with my health and mental health, so when I am working, it means I am pushing past those things because I have no other choice! For a long time I worked in outdoor education until that was no longer sustainable for me, and my last steady job absolutely destroyed me and my health!

Right now ive put a lot of thought into what I can do next, and with the help of my therapist, ive come to the conclusion that cleaning homes part time would be manageable and ideal! Starting my own small business would allow me to have more control, over pretty much everything!

The issue is, I would be starting from scratch, and I don't have money to buy the things I would need to start this endeavor. Things like a vaccum would be the biggest thing, and then other things like cleaning solutions and sponges and a mop.

If you're interested in helping me get any of these supplies, I would be SO grateful! I understand that many are not in a financial position to do this, or there are other more important mutual aid requests out there! And that's totally okay. I would appreciate reblogs, but or course no pressure. I just want to start being able to live a life where I am not suffering from crippling anxiety and panic all the time from bills lol

Here's my Amazon wishlist that has everything I'd need to start

And here's my links if you want to send funds so I can buy stuff even cheaper from Walmart!

[harriertail]

Omen of the Stars reread + a lot of thoughts

The Fourth Apprentice

The cover is actually the best cover in the series are you kidding me? Its so pretty. The yellow blue and dark green r so nice

Why does the TC/ShC stream drying up affect the lake water level and not the RiverClan... river? Does the Moonpool stream still run???

Every mention of Squirrel and Leaf sitting together "so close they were like kits just out the nursery" is an actual STAB in the chest. They go thru so much :((((

A flash flood seems to take out the beaver den (or its just poorly worded?) so what was the point of the journey...

Dovewings personality is snappier than i think pple give her credit for, I kinda enjoy her

Tigerheart literally does not interact with her on the mission lmao what is he on about 'I'm gonna miss you'

Jayfeather missing Lionblaze is act so painful :(

Fading Echoes

So much of the opening of these books is just recounting previous events and character arcs omg this goes for all WC books.

Hollyleaf :(

Blossompaw's siblings joke that she moons over Toadstep. Idk why fucking Thornclaw becomes her mate later on then :/

What is Tigerheart doing on the border ? he doesnt explain it? I actually thought that he was already meeting Dovepaw secretly but then hes not like what is he doing...?

Dovepaw being worried for the other Clans + her thoughts about having this power should put her above the Clan rules could be so interesting. the series back-and-forths over Lionblaze (we must protect ThunderClan) and Dovepaw (we must protect all the Clans) even though Lionblaze gets annoyed at Dovepaw for using her powers to look after ThunderClan???

The whole "being obsessed with Prophecy and what it means" is probs a part of Jay's character (as he baso became a med cat to fulfil his destiny) but it also feels like a gross misunderstanding of what a Prophecy is. All the "the dark forest is rising. This might be what the Three is meant for" is like putting the horse before the cart- a prophecy is meant to describe a situation and hint at the character/means to solve it; but PO3/OoTS has the characters/means to solve, but no conflict :/ its a bit backwards.

I like the mentions of Firestar + Sandstorm going on night hunts etc.

Blossompaw/fall's a cunt lol. Shes kinda fun but shes not nice at all especially to Ivypool.

I love Littlecloud. I love when the med cats share ideas and discuss things 10/10 makes my day everytime

The pacing is actually... not good. Ive defo always been on thr camp of "too many povs and too few chapters ruins the book" but wow FE really shows it.

So much of Doves characterisation so far is about agency and not wanting to be special and have Firestar/Lion/Jay talk to her. I wish this was not forgotten about in later Super Editions.... kittypetdovewing2k24

this battle is crazy tho. I wish more of the DF plot was about stirring up trouble between the Clans and specific troublemakers in each Clan rather than the later nebelous 'dark warriors invade the forest' battle. Ill get to that one day

Night Whispers

Picking right back up in the battle...

and again just recounting the last books events. hollyleaf death/disappearance explanation count: 3

Kinda love how many times shes mentioned. From Lionblaze avoiding the tunnel she ran into to Jayfeather finding the fur that Leafpool hid.... cute

Okay i actuallt love ShadowClan discussing the battle + tactics + training and then the chapter immediately after the TC camp doesnt mention it at all and Ivypaw is like "why arent we discussing the battle? Just because we won doesn't mean we will again!!" interesting character moments + a nice look at differences between the Clans

Ivypaw and dovepaw fighting over tigerheart????? they fight so much but then always wanna be together like jfc.

Dove n tiger have negative chemistry like it just jumps right into "no boundaries can keep us apart". I get shes using him as an escape from TC/prophecy bullshit but like.... rlly? I wish it was just like expanded on. Tbh i wish every chapter had like just two extra pages to actually delve into things a bit better.

Lmaoo lionblaze cinderheart leafpool dovepaw patrol this is so fucking funny brambleclaw u get one point for this

Tigerheart break up scene count: 1

Flametail POV. Interesting but... why? Bad things r coming we know... what was his point narratively? It was cool tho. I liked seeing ShadowClan.

Every single book Dovepaw has a character die/get really hurt and is haunted by their screams. Rippletail, Longtail/Briarpaw, and later on its Antpelt... jesus christ girlie has it SO rough

The ivypaw "nernernenerner im better than you im being trained by tigerstar" to "oh fuck hes actually a bad guy i cant believe the terroristic maniac lied to me" is so rapid shes so funny/stupid

The imagery in this book is kinda crazy. Fire and ice cats and drowning in darkness visions. Very fun.

Sign of the Moon

So the med cats are divided and split up and StarClan does not trust any other Clan cat- but when in StarClan, Barkface and Flametail are hanging out? Crookedstar offers to share prey with Yellowfang? But StarClan is super fractured rn each Clan must stand alone. Okay

Antpelt nooooooooooooooo

Idk what the mountain prophecy actually means like. Firestar was always going to lead ThunderClan into battle.... what is he gonna do that's different...

Rock: i was the first Stoneteller Five chapters later Half Moon becomes the first Stoneteller. This is egregious

Swoop death. that's the fourth death Dovewing is going to be haunted by

The Forgotten Warrior

all the hints to Hollyleaf still... its a nice throughline... the yarrow and tansy and Molepaw/Cherrypaw scenes... shes my fave. sometimes the foreshadowing feels like it could be just Jayfeather coping that she's 'defo still out there' but TFW ties it up well. especially when you get surprised by Sol coming back and its like 'oh they were convinced she was defo still out there :(' and then she's actually back!!!

also the title??? is banger. the Forgotten Warrior, with Leafpool on the OG cover??? wow. espec as its constantly brought up that Leafpool was the medicine cat but no one sees her as a warrior really.... TBH all these titles are just as good as the TPB titles in terms of meaning/how good they are.

Another fox? okay.

SOL.... okay

tunnel adventures part 3.

All this like.. Bumeblstripeing is just kinda naff. Dovewing is clearly tryna force herself into liking him. But then she's also going on about how Tigerheart used her??? NGL i do really wanna see like.. why she changes her mind in AVOS

Brambleclaw lying to protect Hollyleaf is actually like. GOD that hurts. especially when you consider Bramblestar's Storm and how much he misses her. thats his favourite

the cinderheart shit is so stupid my jaw is actually on the floor. what you do mean you've been in love with a cat you shouldn't have. is cinderheart having cinderpelt's feelings for fucking firestar and that's why she doesn't want to be with lionblaze. also they have negative chemistry they literally are CONSTANTLY having issues.

oh my god i swear the 'Sol is secretly working with WindClan' was brought up chapters ago and we are only now dealing with it okay. anyway hollyleaf moment.

its kinda weird we dont get any like. scenes of the siblings just being siblings... they only discuss prophecy/plot shit and dont get to be siblings again - which i guess fits with the whole 'everything has changed' but god it'd be so god to just have them doing like. normal cat stuff - especially when so much of this series has had Jayfeather missing her and Lionblaze

i love Dustpelt and Brackenfur building shit... its so good

Dawnpelt murder accusations. okay.... i can't wait for Flametail to suddenly be argumentative again next book

the battle we've been building to all book is one chapter. cool. Sol runs off again and it's the end of the book. cool.

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Six

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: It's still Sad hours folks, Mentions of Grief, Mild Anxiety, Some Self Deprecation / Negative Self Talk, AND THEN some Fluff, Cute Banter, Dry Humor, and the biggest warning of all: Pirate Facts (don't forget who we're talking to here)

Word Count : 3.5k

Summary : Charlotte is still processing the prior day's events and struggling to deal with her grief coupled with the fact she let a "stranger" see her upset. Unfortunately, things have to get worse before they get better, but she is well on her way to better.

Author's Note: HEHE ANOTHER ONE. Okay really though, I know we've been having sad chapters and I want you to get to good stuff so I figured since this is the last sad chapter for a bit AND she's a little shorter than the next handful, I may as well let you have her early. We start off a bit rough, but it only gets better as you read! PROMISE.

Honest - Joseph "There's always two thoughts, One after the other, I'm alone, No, you're not."

I’ve been sitting in bed since I got home last night, recounting everything. A full-blown meltdown, Charlotte? You really couldn’t choke it back for a little longer? I have never been good at letting people in. I tend to keep everybody at arms’ reach, which is why I now have… basically, no friends.  

I don’t know how I got here; that’s a lie. I am too intense. I work too much. I care too much about my work. I could stand to relax a little more. Okay, let’s not talk ourselves into a spiral now; it’s too early in the morning. 

It’s 7 a.m., and I’ve barely slept. I force myself out of bed. I just need coffee. Stretching as I walk into my kitchen, I set up my coffee pot and lean against the counter, rubbing my eyes to rid the sleep left on them. He was so sweet about it, too. He didn’t even hesitate. Taking a deep breath , I shake my head as if that would get rid of the thoughts. 

I pour some coffee into my favorite mug, take the first sip, and feel the warmth go through my body. ‘Oh, Honey’ rings in my head. Does he just give everybody pet names?  Finding myself on my couch, my laptop sitting next to me, taunting me with the option to work. I know I should take the day off with how little sleep I got, but I would also rather stay busy. 

I could just check my emails. 

Maybe I’ll just work for a few hours.  

It couldn’t hurt to just clock in. 

I’m pushing open my laptop, frustrated because I know I’ve lost the battle with myself again. I immediately pull up my emails, seeing a handful from the last few days that I haven’t answered. 

It’s a lot of easy work, which is good because, well, I shouldn’t be working right now. I spend a while replying to everything in my inbox, including an email to my boss. I sip my coffee between emails, trying to stay focused on work but finding my mind wandering. 

I would have been fine if he didn’t acknowledge that I looked sad. I could have gotten through that situation so much better. Why did he have to notice? I pause my thoughts, realizing how insensitive they seem. You’re grieving, Charlotte. Jesus Christ, give yourself some grace. You’re GOING to be sad. He was just good at handling that. I still can’t wrap my head around how quickly he reacted. Most men I’ve met probably wouldn’t have even realized something was wrong, let alone make sure I could privately have a moment. 

My throat starts to tighten again, and my chest feels heavy; I wish I could tell her about this. She would have been so shocked to hear that I let someone help me. My eyes start to get blurry. Oh, not again. I sit there, letting the tears fall down my face. 

“Fuck,” I mutter to my empty apartment. 

I rub my eyes, probably harder than I should, before making a second cup of coffee. Breathing shakily as I pour, text him. No. You need a friend, Charlotte. I don’t even know him, aside from his business. He said to let him know if you need anything, and you do kind of need something right now. I do not, I’m fine. Then why are you still crying? 

Sitting on my couch, I grab my phone and pull up his messages. Just text him. 

I struggle to type anything out for a moment, wiping my face a few times before finally settling on something simple. 

Charlotte: hi goodmorning 

I lock my screen quickly, setting my phone next to me, face down. Why did I do that? It’ll be fine. Just let him respond.  

Back to work, I open an email from my boss; 

‘Charlotte,  Why are you working today? I thought you took the day off? Regardless, how did everything go in Portland? Did you get the paperwork handled with Caravel Tavern? I’m hoping for your sake that the owner was pleasant and just filled it out for you.  It’s an unfortunate situation that you had to go there, but much appreciated that you were able to stop by and get that taken care of.’ 

My boss and I have been working together for a while, so I’d like to think that he isn’t being disingenuous with that email, but the fact he knows the ultimate reason I went to Portland and only seemingly touched on the work part is making my stomach hurt. Does everybody think that I’m emotionless? I went there to mourn my friend, and he was worried about how my work went. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes again. This time, I don’t fight them. Setting my laptop to the side, I take a few sips of coffee, wiping my eyes in between. 

My phone vibrates beneath my leg. Is it.. Grabbing it nervously, I flip it over, letting the screen turn on. There, his name sits on my lock screen. 

Jacob: Well goodmorning, how are you feeling? 

Not great. My stomach turns reading the question over and over. Why does he care? 

Charlotte: I’ve been better, honestly. How are you?

Why did you say that? He literally saw me cry yesterday. I think he’d be more shocked if I said I was feeling great.  

Jacob: oh i’m sorry, can I do anything to help? 

No. Just tell him you need a friend, especially right now. We have worked together, I can’t do that. I’m above him, technically. Charlotte, chill out. You’re not co-workers. You can be friends with him. 

Charlotte: I don’t know. I’m just having a rough morning  and I didn’t know who else to text. 

You don’t have anybody you would text anyway. This happens when you don’t keep in touch with your friends. 

Jacob: Do you want to talk about whats wrong or I can just try to distract you?

He’s so.. Don’t tell him. 

Charlotte: I think a distraction is needed 

I’m immediately curious how he’s going to be distracting through text. He’s distracting enough in person. Charlotte. I’m sorry, but it’s no secret. 

Jacob: In that case, how much do you know about the golden age of piracy? 

Charlotte: lol I do actually know a little bit, but go on. 

Jacob: Do you?? Well then, my personal favorites are Anne Bonny and Blackbeard is an obvious choice but.. I dont even care haha hes great. 

A smile crept onto my face when I read his reply. Why is it so wholesome that one of his favorites is a woman pirate? He’s probably just saying it.

Charlotte: You like Anne Bonny?

It’s marked as read immediately, and the typing bubbles pop up almost instantly.

Jacob: She was incredible! And she never was found?? That’s insane. You have to respect it. 

Charlotte: She really was incredible. I know a little about Blackbeard but, you can tell me about him.

Charlotte: If you want obviously, you don’t have to. 

Phone in hand, I walk into my bathroom and turn the shower on before facing the mirror. My eyes are puffy, and my hair is everywhere. God, Charlotte, get it together, girl. I set my phone on the counter, leaning in to look at myself closer. Seeing how dark my under eyes are and how irritated my waterline is from rubbing at them. I look down at the counter, feeling the tears coming back. Softly shutting my eyes to force the tears out. 

“For the love of god,” I whisper to myself. 

Undressing myself and stepping into the shower, I stand with my face in the water. Feeling the warmth surrounding me, it feels safe. Once the water has completely soaked my hair, I sit on the tub floor, holding my knees close to me, letting the hot water beat against my back. You’re allowed to be sad, Charlotte. Tears freely fall down my face. I hate this. 

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Carefully squeezing the water out of my hair and clipping it out of my way, I pull on a comfortable sweatshirt and leggings. I quickly rub some moisturizer into my face, grab my phone, and head back to the couch. I sink back into my spot, pull my throw blanket back over me, and slouch down into the corner. 

I pull my phone out and see a handful of texts from Jacob sitting there. 

Jacob: Welllll.. Supposedly his actual name was Edward Teach .. or Thatch.. Nobody really has confirmation because Pirates didn’t always use their real surnames to not spoil the family name. 

Jacob: He obviously was the owner of Queen Anne’s Revenge, but it was originally a French Slave ship named La Concorde that he managed to capture. 

Jacob: When he died, they beheaded him and put his head on a STAKE at the entrance to Chesapeake Bay!

Jacob: Are you okay? Is this annoying?

Why do I want to cry? Well, nobody else is checking on you.  

Charlotte: No, you’re not annoying me. I showered, I should have let you know. I’m sorry. 

Rubbing my eyes until I see TV static and taking long breaths seem to be the only thing calming me down. Nobody taught me how to handle waves of grief. My stomach turns at the thought. 

Jacob: dont be sorry, its okay. 

Charlotte: Are you actually working right now.. by any chance? 

What are you doing? I don’t want to be alone right now. 

Letting out a deep breath, trying to unclench my jaw, it’s hard to relax.

Jacob: I don’t have to be. 

My hands tremble as I click on his name and promptly click on the ‘call’ button. Please pick up. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, “what’s going on?” 

“Hi,” I whisper. My throat immediately gets tight, and my lips shake.” Um,” I say, taking another long breath. 

“Oh,” he whispers, “hang on.” I can hear the music from the bar slowly fade before the click of the door shut. 

“Are you okay?” 

“No,” I whimper softly, “I can’t stop crying, and I’m nauseous, and I just don’t want to feel alone.” 

Oh, that was a lot. 

“Hey, hey, slow down,” his voice is calm. “I’ll stay on the phone with you; just take a little breath for me, okay?”

In through your nose, out through the mouth. 

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on if you don’t want to, but I hate that you’re so upset,” his voice getting a bit softer. 

“I don’t think I can say it out loud yet,” I confess, “It’s just- I’m sorry, it’s too much, and I-”

My breathing picks up again, and I can feel my heart pounding. This was a good idea, wasn’t it? 

“Honey, it’s okay,” he says, there’s that name again. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. We can talk about anything else.” 

Breathe Charlotte. Closing my eyes, more tears fall, but my breathing slows. 

“What have you done today?” he asks.

“Um, I took a shower and answered some emails,” my voice still struggling to stabilize.

“You were working?” 

“I thought it would help distract me, but it sort of made everything worse,” I said, sounding defeated. 

His soft laugh is almost enough to make me smile, “Have you eaten today?” he continues the light interrogation. 

“No, I’ve only had coffee,” I tell him. 

“Why don’t you make yourself something to eat?” His tone is still very calm; he really is good at this, “Maybe sleep a little if you can.”

He’s right. I probably should eat something, at least.

“I definitely feel like I could use a nap,” I let out a sad giggle, wiping my eyes for the millionth time. 

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you for a little bit?” 

My chest feels weird when he asks that. 

“If you don’t mind..” my voice was small, not wanting to be a pain. 

“I don’t mind one bit.” 

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I stroll into my kitchen, open the cabinets, and stare into them. 

“What should I eat?” I question out loud.

“Food is probably your best bet,” he answers dryly, and I swear I can hear the smirk on his face. 

“Incredibly helpful, thank you.” 

His giggle rings through my ears, and I can feel the tug on the corners of my mouth. His laugh is cute. Reaching into the cabinet and pulling out my bag of pretzel crisps. 

“What’s the verdict?”

“Just some pretzels,” I mumble, knowing it’s not much. But I’m also not starving. 

“Lunch of Olympians, Charlotte.” 

This time, it’s my laugh radiating through the phone. Oh. I bring my hand up to cover my mouth once I realize it. 

“That might be the first time I’ve done anything other than cry today.” 

“Happy to help, m’lady.” 

I giggle at the mild English accent that snuck out, “I think if you learn much more, you’re gonna become a pirate.” 

“That isn’t a threat to me like you probably think it is,” he says. 

“Have to start calling you Captain Jake Sparrow,” 

He clears his throat before letting out a weak “Yeah,” followed by an uncomfortable laugh. 

“Um, so,” he starts, “what’s something that you enjoy too much? Since you’re so graciously laughing about mine.” 

Working. You like other things, Charlotte. But working is the most satisfying. Baking.. Reading.. Hello? 

“I read a lot,” I blurt out, realizing I was in my head, “and I like to bake.”  My hand covers my face as I tell him because I definitely sounded like I just pulled it out of my ass. 

“Oh! I read a fair bit myself; what are you reading?” 

Fuck. Yeah, go ahead and tell him what you read. 

I scan the book on my coffee table; it’s just another contemporary romance novel. I like to alternate more non-fiction things with some romance because I’m not a robot. I have a soft spot for sweet stories. Something about effortlessly falling in love or watching two characters pine over each other for a good majority of the book before allowing themselves to act on it. 

“Uhhh…” I stammer over myself. “I don’t know if you’d know it.”  I can feel the heat rise into my cheeks as he breathes through the phone, waiting for me to elaborate. Slumping down into the corner of the couch.

“What genre?”

“It’s uh.. a contemporary romance..” I whisper quickly. Look, there’s nothing wrong with romance novels, but with how I have learned to present myself while I’m working, it feels a bit silly to admit. 

“Ooohhhhh,” he taunts. “Are you secretly a little hopeless romantic, Red?”

“I am just a girl, Jacob. You asked the question.” I giggle at the nickname and the fact he’s calling me out so quickly. Scooting myself down further, so I’m practically lying down.

“Alright, alright, fair enough,” he laughs, “I read a lot of historical things, as you can imagine. So, consider me boring.” 

“You are far from boring,” I tell him, not meaning to have it come off like it probably did.

“I think my brothers would beg to differ,” he sighs.

“I’m almost positive that’s just a sibling thing that they’re required to do,” I readjust my arm underneath my pillow, switching my phone to speaker and setting it next to me, “But also, maybe I just don’t think pirates are boring. Who’s to say?”

“Hey Jake, can I bother you?” I hear faintly in the background, “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Hang on for a second?” he asks quietly. 

“I’ll be here.” 

I close my eyes, just listening to the random sounds that pick up from his phone. God, I’m so tired. A yawn sneaks up on me, releasing a deep breath, and I can feel my body relax even more. I can feel my breathing change a bit, and my head feels heavier as I lie here. 

“Hi, I’m sorry,” he says. A small “oop” falling from my lips involuntarily. 

“Did I scare you?” he whispers this time.

“A little,” I mumble, my eyes still sewn shut, “I think I fell asleep.”

“Get some rest,” I swear I can hear the smile on his face, “we can talk later.” 

All I manage is an ‘mhm’ before I feel myself drifting back into my slumber. 

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 My phone vibrates against my face, jolting me from my nap. Holy shit. Swiping away the unknown caller, tucking my arms back into my blanket, and closing my eyes. I don’t want to be awake yet. Deciding to lay there for a few more minutes before becoming a human again. 

Finally, I caved and opened my phone. Jacob’s messages were still pulled up, but I noticed new ones sitting at the bottom. 

Jacob: i hope you feel a little better when you wake up. It was really nice getting to talk to you. I mostly talk to my brothers at this point so it was refreshing

Jacob: not the you being sad part, just the rest of it obviously 

I audibly laugh at the second text. He’s so uncomfortable. 

I scroll through our messages for a moment with a small smile.  You’ve been grinning at these messages… Well, he is charming. I mean, he basically talked you down until you were relaxed enough to sleep. I can still hear his voice in my head, ‘Take a breath for me.’ The way he looked at me as he wiped the tears from my face, I don’t know what happened at that moment. I hear Cass in my head, “Stop thinking yourself out of happiness.” 

I set my phone down, quickly sat up, and grabbed my laptop from my coffee table. I opened it, pulled up my emails again, and scrolled for the email from my boss. Hitting reply, I quickly start typing;

‘Good evening,  Actually,- I may need to work remotely. After spending a few days checking in, it seems like some assistance may be required-’

Actually what? My hands are typing faster than I can coherently think, but it’s not entirely a lie; he does seem like he needs a little bit of help getting things in order, and with having to train Melody and get her certified, he’s going to be juggling a lot of things. 

‘I believe that Mr. Kiszka-’

 I giggle to myself, fully able to hear him from the first day I walked in saying, ‘Mr. Kiszka is my father.’ 

 ‘-has the capabilities to succeed, but he is still fairly new at this and is just trying to get caught up. He also has a new hire that he will be getting certified, and I will be assisting him with that process to ensure everything goes smoothly.’

Charlotte, you’re still emotional. Maybe you should just hold off on sending this. What do you mean by ‘you will be assisting him’? He’s fine! The words are flowing out from my fingertips, and I’m choosing to ignore the voices in my head this time. Okay, wow.

‘That said, I’ll be located within 30 minutes of Portland. If there are any other businesses you’d like me to check on while I’m there, please let me know. Have a great weekend,  Charlotte Rhodes’

I hit send with no second thought. 

Okay, so that was a dumb choice. You were much more assertive than you usually are, and that isn’t going to fair well. You weren’t that bad, but not giving an option for working remotely was definitely a choice. 

Shutting my laptop abruptly and setting it back on the coffee table, my heart is racing. Never done that before. Typically, I’m not someone who acts on emotions, but for some reason, today is different.

Charlotte: I knew what you meant, lol. I feel much more educated on pirates now. 

Jacob:  oh i have so much more i could tell you 

Charlotte: Well, I’m done working so.. I have time. 

Staring at our texts, I don’t know what I’m doing. My hands timidly scroll up, rereading our conversation. Why do I feel nervous? Noting that he’s been nothing but nice and helpful, my phone gently vibrates and automatically scrolls to the bottom as he replies. 

Jacob: be careful what you wish for dear

Charlotte: I’m already on board, it’s too late. 

I sink into the couch again, wondering if this is a mistake. I did kind of make an irrational decision.. Mmm… feels silly now, doesn’t it? But immediately remembering that, I promised my best friend that I would live a little. ‘It’s just a job, babe,’ plays in my head, and she’s right. It is just a job, and I’m still going to do my job, but  from Portland. Where we can talk to this nice boy, who seems like he’s just happy to have someone to talk to. But you also need to not lose your job for a-

Jacob: I hope you already have your sea legs then

Jacob: there were a million pirates in that era so we have a lot to go over

The nerves are nowhere to be seen, swallowed by my quiet laughter as I read his texts. I can only imagine how excited he probably is to talk to someone about this who isn’t going to groan or fake sleep during it. I will gladly take any distraction I can get tonight. The nice voice in my brain is just telling me, maybe we could be friends. 

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Chapter Five

FDOG Masterpost | Masterlist | FDOG Playlist

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