#Been in a huge drawing funk (still in it)

[sinnabarmoth]

Taking Care

Pairing: Rafayel x Fem|Reader

Prompt: Mini fic of Reader being a soft!dom with the lads. (Not necessarily sexual, just sweet 'let me take care of you' vibes)

Word count: 1k

Links to the other lads: (Sylus) (Xavier) (Zayne)

You hadn’t heard from Rafayel in a couple days which was…concerning. For someone that got upset when you forgot to text him at least once a day his radio silence was baffling. You texted, you called, but nothing. You even tried asking Thomas but he just shrugged and said that sometimes when Rafayel was working on a new piece he went full hermit mode. No one but the food delivery driver was going to see him.

You decided that just wouldn’t do. You knew how Rafayel was and you would not put it past him to forget to eat or sleep because he was too in the zone while working. So you went to the store to buy some ingredients for a home cooked dinner and went to his place. You let yourself in using the spare key he had given you and wandered in. No signs of life in the living room or kitchen. You put the groceries away and went to the studio.

Sure enough, there he was. He was sat in the middle of the floor hunched over a canvas. There was some old half eaten food containers shoved off to the side and various sketches scattered around the floor.

“Raf,” you said, “Still alive over there?”

He sat up straight and you could hear his bones crack as he straightened. You could see him wince as he stretched and turned to look at you. “Oh hi,” he said, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone, I came to check on you.” you got closer and noticed that his entire person was covered in smudges of paint both fresh and dried. His hair was greasy and lank, and there were huge bags under his eyes. There was also an undeniable funk coming off of him that made your nose wrinkle. “Good thing I did too. What on earth are you doing?”

“Inspiration called and I had to answer.” he gestured to the painting. “She’s nearly done. I’ve been adding the finishing touches.”

“Okay. Glad to know you’ve been working hard but this is too much. You smell terrible and when was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t need sleep.”

“Yes, you very much do.” you held out your hand, “You can finish your painting tomorrow. You’re mine tonight.”

“Oh really?”

“Not in that way. Come on.” you hauled him to his feet and pulled him into the bathroom.

“Cutie, this really isn’t necessary--”

“Raf, sweetie,” you cupped his face, “You don’t look well. I knew there was a chance you weren’t taking care of yourself but I didn’t realize it was this bad. Now come along, we’re gonna get you cleaned up, I’m making us dinner, and then you are going to bed. Got it?”

“I know better than to say no to you.” he smiled. “What do you want me to do first?”

“You can start by brushing your teeth and having a shave, you’re stubbly.” you turned him to the sink. “I’m gonna draw you a bath.”

After he had finished you ordered him to strip and get in the tub. There was a cheeky offer to join him but you shook your head and told him he wasn’t getting anything like that until after he had a full night’s sleep. You did however sit at the edge of the tub and reclined his head back so you could wash his hair and massage his scalp. A deep sigh of satisfaction left him as you gently lathered the grease out of his hair. You left him to dry himself off and went to the bedroom to grab a change of clothes and threw his dirty clothes in the wash.

He looked so much better. “There’s my clean soft boyfriend again.” Without having to worry about his bad breath you pulled him down and gave him a kiss, little droplets of water from his still wet hair dripped onto your hands. “Feeling any better?”

“Much.”

“Good. Now come along. I’m gonna get dinner started.”

“Want any help?”

“No. You’ll just slow me down. You can pick out a movie for us to watch though.” you pulled him into the living room and sat him down on the couch. “Stay.”

“Yes ma’am.” he gave a little salute and turned on the TV. You went into the kitchen and started cooking. It wasn’t anything extravagant, just some simple porridge that was filling and hearty.

As you were cooking you kept glancing over at Rafayel just to make sure he was still doing okay. It broke your heart seeing how little he was taking care of himself. Was this what he was like before? How many times had he done something like this? Did Thomas pull him out of his spirals or did he end up just crashing and took care of himself after he got some actual sleep? You didn’t want to know. He had you now and you weren’t going to let him keep up these kinds of bad habits. Inspiration be damned! His health mattered more to you.

Once the food was ready you handed a large serving over to him, threw a blanket over your laps, and settled down to watch the movie he had picked. “Thanks for doing all this. It wasn’t necessary though. I was fine.”

“You were most decidedly not fine, Raf.” you ran a hand through his hair. “You looked like death warmed over and smelled just as bad. It’s not just you anymore, you have to take better care of yourself, doesn’t matter about inspiration. I want you healthy. And if you can’t be trusted to take care of yourself then I’ll do it for you.”

“I’m glad to have such an attentive caretaker.” he leaned his head on your shoulder. “I might just fall asleep right here.”

“Not until after you eat.” you picked up a spoonful of porridge and brought it to his mouth. “Eat.”

“You’re also a very no nonsense kind of caretaker.” Rafayel sighed but happily opened his mouth to accept the porridge.

“I don’t mess around when it comes to caring for what I love.” you kissed the top of his head. “Now keep eating, we’ll go to bed in a bit.”

After dinner was eaten and the movie finished Rafayel was really close to nodding off. He had started slipping about three quarters of the way through the film. When you asked him if he wanted to go to bed he shook his head and said he wanted to finish the movie first. You figured he was just too comfortable curled up next to you to want to move. But when the credits started rolling you dragged him off to the bedroom so he could have a sleep in a proper bed.

You snuggled in next to him, holding him close. “Good night, Raf. Sweet dreams.”

“So long as you are here, I know they will be.” he sighed, his eyes slipping closed. “I love you.”

You smiled and kissed his sleeping face. “Love you too.”

[soma021794]

What are some of your favorite artists?

sorry for the huge post LAWL i just love art

i'll break it up into 2 categories.... (read more)

first category is artists that helped me get out of my art funk/not to be afraid of making art!!!!

artchiu/ w0nkk0 - discovered her on youtube and really resonated with what she had to say and her sketchbook tours. also her stickers are soooooo cute

gretel lusky - such an amazing artist, her traditional work and draw with me's are really inspirational! got me to explore more traditional media =)

loish - been following her art journey since like 2012 and her workshop is amazing (and free!) i need her to drop her photoshop brushes tho. fr.

kelsey animations - literally binged her entire sketchbook tours jfc i love her sketchbook tours just really inspired by her oc work no matter how cringe!!!

suqling - literally the reason why i wanted to start painting digitally. ive been following them for years and they are one of my biggest inspos! still study their work today and always visit their page

johto_doll - my good irl friend who literally was my stepping stone to pick up traditonal media again. i was so inspired when she showed me her millions and millions of sketchbooks ;_; she's always giving me advice on pens/paper/sketchbooks and her character work is just (chef's kiss) she takes commissions rn so go commission her!!!!

now artists im just obsessed with tbh i think most of them are on twitter and theres some nsfw warnings with them!

gan2

natthelich

atro

sebun

wamudraws

samipeko

iranobui

poch4n

hanmae

and honestly i'll stop it there cause i can list more but these guys are really some of my faves =)

[unforth]

Prefacing this TGCF post with: people can draw and write however they want forever and I support them and this is about my personal view of these characters.

Anyway.

I saw a post today that had Xie Lian singing "when will my life begin" from Tangled and it drove home what really bugs me about a lot of fan casts of Hualian onto popular media (see also my Howl's Moving Castle take). It's this idea that Xie Lian is, well, waiting for his life to begin, and Hua Cheng swoops in and makes it exciting, when this is imo so utterly antithetical, and in fact opposite, to canon.

Xie Lian has lived and lived and lived. He was a prince, he fought in wars, even during his 800 years fallen the whole book is an exercise in showing that he WASN'T just waiting around, he kept doing things the whole time - Fang Xin Guoshi and General Hua and and and. AND he also cultivated to the point of ascending again. Xie Lian is a fucking bad ass idealistic martyr who doesn't know when to quit and at least to me that's the whole point of his character and I love that about and for him so to see him inserted into existing franchise AUs as the wilting flower waiting for a moment to shine is utter character erasure and it makes me insane enough that I'm writing this post about it even though I think I shouldn't and even though I genuinely don't want to rain on anyone's fandom parade. But like. That's not him!

You know who it is?

It's Hua Cheng!

Hong Hong'er lives in Xianle, a kingdom where all this stuff is happening, and he just watches from the sidelines. He's an observer at the parade. He's just some kid. And then he falls (or jumps, or is pushed, you pick your interpretation) and he's caught by literally the coolest guy in the entire kingdom. He's the nobody who gets swept off his feet! And it changes his whole life! Like I think it wouldn't irk me so much to see Xie Lian get typecast that way if Hua Cheng wasn't right there literally living his "I met God and it changed my whole life for the better" fantasy. He seriously deserves to get recognized for this. I get that he's the loud flamboyant one so that makes it seem like he should get cast as a Howl or a Flynn or whoever, but like. He was waiting for his life to begin, and it does, when he meets Xie Lian.

And like. I get that these are kinda competing interpretations that depend on when you look at canon - I'm looking at the original 800 years ago events, others are looking at Hua Cheng coming in 800 years later - but still the "present" in TGCF isn't imo about Xie Lian having waited to be saved, he hasn't been in a hat shop for his whole life boredly making hats, he's never stopped moving and never stopped adventuring and never stopped striving to change the world. Hua Cheng is living out his "you saved me now I save you" fantasies but fundamentally they save each other over and over and over again and that's beautiful and I hate seeing it erased to make Xie Lian into the wilting flower. Like. The one who basically hasn't done anything that whole 800 years is ALSO Hua Cheng. We don't hear about him going off and having idealistic adventures. Everything we know of that he's done was directly related to Xie Lian (ie burning the temples). Other than that he seems to sit around in Ghost City chilling with his ghoulies. So again, finding Xie Lian is what pulls him out of his funk and prompts him to start acting for good, whereas Xie Lian has been acting for good the whole time.

Ugh. I should shut up now, just, I've been in this fandom for four years and this has become such a pet peeve of mine because it reflects such a huge disconnect between how I perceive these characters and how much of the rest of fandom does. And that frustrates me, cause I wish there was more content in line with my perception.

[jjungkookislife]

Sunday, Monday...

pairing: bartender!jungkook x f. reader

genre: fwb, f2l, coworkers au, smut [18+]

summary: what's that saying? don't fuck your coworker... unless he's Jeon Jungkook.

wc: 3.8k

warnings: alcohol use/mentions, mention of smoking (cigarettes), (exclusive) friends with benefits, sex at their workplace parking lot, reader calls jungkook a brat a few times, pet names (babe, baby, good girl), fingering (f. receiving), hair pulling, marking/biting, car sex, unprotected sex, spanking, a little degradation, creampie, morning sex, implied sex in public

a/n: I have been in a writing funk as of late, so i hope you enjoy this. i adore them both so much <3

date: July 29, 2023

Exhaustion lingered in your body as you pulled into the parking lot of your job, choosing the darkest corner with the burnt-out lightbulb hidden just out of view of the camera. You checked your appearance one last time as headlights nearly blinded you from the entrance of the lot.

You were early; the reason pulling up next to you as they parked next to your car. You shut yours off, taking your phone that no longer buzzed incessantly like it had just an hour before.

“Hey,” you grumbled as you climbed into the passenger seat, shutting the door harder than necessary, ignoring the wince of your coworker and your new alarm clock, apparently. What a bastard! He knew you liked your pre-work nap, and yet he texted you over and over just to make sure you’d be coming tonight. As if you’d miss a night to make slamming tips with him at your side. Besides, your pre-work fuck was becoming a routine, a little energy boost to get you through the night when your Red Bull concoctions didn’t.

“That happy to see me, huh?” Jungkook grins anyway, used to your sour mood when he bombarded your phone with texts. Some border on sexual, some not.

[Kook from work] 6:55 pm

What are you wearing?

[Kook from work] 6:58 pm

So we can match not…well, I wanna know what I’m taking off too 🥴

[Kook from work] 7:08 pm

Do you want to do body shots off each other like last week? 🤤🤤🤤

[Kook from work] 7:10 pm

Replyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🥲

[Kook from work] 7:10 pm

I’m lonely 😞 

[Kook from work] 7:12 pm

Are you still sleeping?

[Kook from work] 7:21 pm

Wake upppppp

[Kook from work] 7:21 pm

WAKE UP 😭

[Kook from work] 7:22 pm

WAKE UP

[Kook from work] 7:22 pm

WAKE UPP

[Kook from work] 7:22 pm

WAKE UPPP

[Kook from work] 7:23 pm

WAKE UPPPP

[Kook from work] 7:23 pm

WAKE UPPPPP

[Kook from work] 7:24 pm

WAKE UPPPPPP

[You] 7:25 pm I’m up! I’m up! You annoying little brat

[Kook from work] 

Hi 😚

Jungkook doesn’t wait for a response as you set your phone in one of the cup holders, accidentally hitting the button to light up your screen. Jungkook pouts when he sees his name hasn’t changed on your phone.

“Still just ‘Kook from work’?” 

“Yup,” you sneer.

“Not even a ‘Jungkook from work who blows my back out’ or anything?” He questions with a smirk when you roll your eyes and playfully shove him.

“You’re so annoying,” you huff, leaning back in the seat to stare upwards. Jungkook's soft laughter fills the tinted SUV for a moment.  

When you first started working at the nightclub, you were inexperienced and overeager. The tips were good and the clientele was mostly regulars who enjoyed not having to pay an entrance fee. Your boss, the owner, Min Yoongi, took shit from no one and took your side for every bad customer interaction. He was sweet, friendly, and loved his whiskey neat. 

You got along well with the bouncers, Namjoon, Seokjin, and Jimin, who took no shit from anybody and of course one of your closest friends, Hoseok, worked most nights at your side, either behind the bar or training the new barback, Taehyung. Jungkook had joined the team a few months ago, another friend of Hoseok and Yoongi’s. He was outgoing, overeager, and learned his shit pretty quickly. You requested being put on his shifts, his nights drawing large crowds and tips your way. Hoseok drew in huge crowds as well, until the clientele realized flirting with Yoongi’s husband was a bad idea. Yoongi would raise a brow, and the customers would falter, order an extra shot to down to get over the shock of his stare, and go on their way.

Hoseok both loved and hated it. Now, he works whenever he feels like it, along with a few other bartenders that were hired part-time to fill the gaps. 

“I think ‘Jungkook with the huge cock’ would also work wonders for my self-esteem,” Jungkook jokes, cackling when you reach out to shove his shoulder. After making contact, he laces his fingers with yours, pulling you closer to him. 

Thoughts whirl around in your head, most of them being ‘just friends’, but you both know at this point that’s another bullshit lie. You spent so much time ignoring your feelings for him but for now, hooking up before work seems to work for the two of you. Despite all your coworkers/friends insinuating otherwise. You thought you were being secretive hiding out in the darkest spot on the lot each night before your shift, but Yoongi was well aware of what went on in the shadows.

Unfortunately for him, he’d shown up to work early one day, needing a smoke before Hoseok turned up and scolded him. He’d been trying to quit again but working long nights during Spring Break was getting to him. He’d regretted the moment he spotted Jungkook’s SUV rocking beside your car. 

“You’re insufferable,” you groan when you slide closer to him. Jungkook lets his seat slide back, allowing you more room but you know you’ll end up lying on the folded back seats with the array of fluffy, fuzzy blankets and pillows set up for the occasion.

“You adore me,” he whispers in response, his hand gently caressing your cheek. Your eyes meet his, your body thrumming with excitement.

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate in kissing you, his lips soft against yours until you’re resting your hands on his shoulder. Slowly, you climb into his lap, moaning his name in between kisses as his hands grip your hips. His large hands slide under your skirt, feeling the softness of your skin. He squeezes your ass firmly, groaning when you grind down against him. He’s got on a pair of sweatpants and a loose tee, waiting to turn into a demon once he hits the locker room on the upstairs floor, restricted to patrons but available for staff to shower and change after a shift.

Normally, you’d do the same but you needed to give Jungkook easy access, forgoing your undergarments and slipping on a shirt and skirt. You’d probably share a shower, and get ready while the club opened and Jungkook entertained whilst you did your hair and makeup. 

“I fucking love your ass, baby,” Jungkook groans as he squeezes once again. You giggle, kissing your way down his jaw to his neck. You're mindful of leaving marks on his beautiful skin, knowing they’d stop the tips, and that’s the last thing you want on a Sunday night. The crowd will be reduced exponentially, but his regulars always like to stop by, anyway

Your hands run over his chest, tugging his shirt from under you and slipping it over his head to discard on the passenger seat.

Jungkook's body always amazes you. You wonder if he’d let you oil him up someday and just feel every little bit of it. 

“Baby?” Jungkook whines when you stop kissing him, your fingertips brushing over his pebbled brown nipples. 

“Got distracted,” you answer honestly.

Jungkook chuckles, pecking you on the lips. 

“Don’t you always when my shirt comes off?” He giggles and you shush him, kissing him again as your hips roll against his. You know you have very little time. The start of your shift lingers over both your heads and your alarm is set for fifteen minutes before the start of your shift to give Jungkook time to get ready before you and have someone behind the bar to keep Yoongi’s wrath at bay.

Besides, you’d been waiting for this all day; already wet and ready whenever he was. 

Jungkook must note the change of urgency in your movements because his hands grip you harder, every touch is more intentional and each of your moans shoots straight to his cock. He was already at half-mast when he pulled into the parking lot and now, with your warm body on top of his, he didn’t need much to get him hard.

Your kisses were an aphrodisiac, your touch like fire. Jungkook’s head spins when you tongue the tattoo behind his ear, teeth gently nipping at his earlobe as his fingers tease between your thighs, drawn to the warmth in between.

“Please,” you beg, biting your lip as he teases you with his fingertips, cursing when he slips one finger inside you. 

“Jungkook,” you whine, head falling onto his shoulder. His breath flutters your hair as he chuckles, set on teasing you but another whine from you and a reminder of the time gets him going. He hopes tomorrow when you’re both off work, he can take his time with you but for now, he’ll settle for this.

With two fingers inside you and his thumb on your clit, he uses his free hand to tug at your shirt. Your nipples poke against the fabric and his mouth waters at the sight. He aches to wrap his lips around them and make you melt for him before he fucks you silly. Perhaps he should go easy on you, but you’re gripping his hair tightly, nearly riding his fingers and making a mess of his sweatpants. 

Jungkook resists the urge to just rip your shirt down the middle. The fabric would tear so easily from a few tugs, but your wrath after would be more than he could handle. Besides, you look really cute in your shirt.

With his inaction, you take charge and remove your shirt, tossing it to join his shirt in the empty seat.

Jungkook lifts your skirt to bunch at your hips as you greedily palm at his hard cock, throbbing in his gray sweatpants.

“Give it to me,” you groan when his lips kiss down your neck, his teeth sinking into the skin to get you to curse and moan his name. You’re lost in your lust, grinding against him and tugging at his pants until his cock slaps against his abs. He smirks at your eagerness, stroking himself as you beg him to fuck you. He listens to your whines and begs, knowing you’ll take action into your own hands and just sink yourself on him.

Just as expected, you take his cock in your hands, wishing you could suck him off, but time is ticking and you’re sure Yoongi had pulled in while you were taking your top off. It was only a matter of time before he came over to interrupt or your alarm went off. Either way, you had to get going.

“I hate rushing,” Jungkook huffs as you line his cock against your entrance, teasing him by rubbing the head against your wet cunt. Jungkook's head falls back into the seat, body nearly arching off completely when you do it again and again until you’re cursing and biting your lip as his dick slides inside you.

“Fuck!” You exclaim, pressing your lips to his to silence yourself as you take all of him. The stretch is delicious but still gives you pause. “So big.”

Jungkook feels pride in his chest, hiding the blush on his cheeks by kissing your neck and shoulder. His hands cup your breasts, fingers rolling your nipples as you set a slow pace. He wishes he had taken your skirt off but it’s cramped enough in the front seat and you feel so fucking good wrapped around him to even think about repositioning you.

With the slow roll of your hips, Jungkook curses. He takes your tit in his mouth to hide his face and how much you're affecting him. He’s gentle when he circles his tongue around your nipple but quickly tugs on it with his teeth just to get your eyes to roll to the back of your head.

“Fuck, baby. You’re so fucking wet for me,” he growls as you slide easily on his cock, your moans filling the space between you as he touches every bit of you that he can. He curses when you tighten around him, his hand smacking your ass in response. You giggle, repeating your action to get another spank and a fiery kiss that curls your toes.

Soon, Jungkook grows tired of the slow pace. Mindful of your head, he lifts his hips to meet yours. You dig your nails into his skin as you hold on tight, screaming his name as the windows fog. Jungkooks pace rattles your bones, his moans mixed with yours in his eagerness to cum.

“Fuck, Kook. Babe, please,” you feel his thumb rub rigid circles on your clit as he slams into you, rocking the vehicle. He groans, kissing you as your fingers grip his hair as tight as possible. Pleasure courses through you, your orgasm building until you’re finally screaming his name into his sweaty chest, begging for more.

“Nothing but a cock hungry slut, huh? Need my cock so bad you’re willing to get fucked before work just to feel my cum sliding down your thighs all night. Hmm, perhaps you can actually keep it inside tonight like a good girl?” Jungkook spurs on.

You nod, head empty but needing to be filled and orgasm. Your body trembles, lips pressed to his own as his tongue slides past the seam of your lips, his two lip rings cold to the touch.

“Jungkook!”

“That’s it, baby. Take my cock just like that. Fuck!” Jungkook’s head lolls back, stomach clenching and you’re right behind him as your orgasm hits, thighs shaking on either side of his hips as he continues to thrust into you, cursing your name when he finally cums. 

Jungkook smiles, his hands stroking your back as you slump against his chest. 

“Ugh, my thighs are burning,” You complain on his chest. His chest rumbles as he laughs, his hands adjusting your skirt as he holds you. He kisses the top of your head, his breath ruffling your hair as he continues to laugh. 

“I told you to join me at the gym,” he reminds you and you lift your head just enough to stick your tongue out at him. 

“Fuck off,” you grumble as you cuddle him for a few more minutes before you’re peeling yourself off his sweaty chest and groaning as you try to climb back into your own seat without getting cum on the fabric. 

Jungkook reaches behind him, grabs his duffel bag, and opens the side pocket. He hands you a pair of clean panties and you roll your eyes. 

“Just because I left them at your place doesn’t mean you have to bring them with you,” you mutter. 

Jungkook’s grin is wide as you put your underwear on and then your shirt. 

“But you’re glad you’re not dripping everywhere, huh?” 

“Shut up,” you huff as you hand him his shirt and he tugs his sweatpants back into place. 

“Come on, we need a shower and there’s a Red Bull calling your name,” Jungkook groans as he pops his neck and grabs his duffel bag. He arranges his seat back into place and climbs out of the SUV.

You wait for him to open your door, your legs are still shaky as you go to your car to grab your belongings. 

Jungkook waits for you, taking your small bag over his shoulder to join his own. Normally, he’d wrap his arm around your shoulder, allowing you to lead him to the back door, where your key unlocks the entrance to let you both in. 

However, tonight he’s feeling a little bold, and he laces his fingers with yours, ignoring the heat of your stare on the side of his face. His hair is ruffled and falls over his eyes to curtain himself out of your direct sight. He’s grateful when you don’t say anything, just give his hand a squeeze in assurance. 

The obnoxious chirping of birds wakes you up the next morning. You groan, covering your head with a pillow and throwing the covers over you for good measure. 

However, your eyes pop open when the scent of a familiar cologne hits your nostrils. Flashes of last night slam you in the face and you groan again as you realize you’ll have to pick your car up from work later. 

“Good morning,” Jungkook’s sleep-addled voice greets you. You turn to face him and groan, reaching out to cover his mouth before he can speak again. You feel his lips turn upward in a grin and you curse before pulling the pillow and covers off your face. 

“What time is it?” You mumble as you palm at the nightstand to find your phone. 

“6:34,” he answers you as the light from your phone makes you wince. You’d gotten home and showered a little over three hours ago. You were planning on sleeping in and going grocery shopping and now you were waking up in Jungkook’s bed again.

“Why are you up so damn early?” You huff. 

“I needed a snack and heard you tossing and turning. Did you miss me?” He wiggles his eyebrows and makes you laugh. 

“Not even a little bit,” you lie, but Jungkook can see the way you’re holding back a smile, so he kisses your cheek instead. 

“Always so mean in the mornings,” he whispers as he wraps his arm around your waist. 

“And you’re still in my bed, so,” you shrug as best as possible as you turn to press your back to his chest. Jungkook cuddles you, his head resting on your chest. 

“Technically, you’re in my bed,” he grins. 

“Brat,” you scoff. 

“You love it,” he hums as he kisses your shoulder. You don’t say anything else as he continues to kiss his way up to your neck, resisting the urge to sink his teeth into you until you’re moaning his name.

The first moan that escapes you, has you spreading your legs. 

Jungkook smirks. His fingers dance down the curve of your body. He pauses at your nipples to tease them with his featherlight touch, watching your eyes flutter shut and another moan escape your lips. 

When he presses against you, he’s already hard. The only thing separating you is his boxers. You stole one of his shirts to sleep in when you got to his place, too tired to throw anything else on. 

The shirt bunches at your ribs before he’s slowly lifting you to help you out of it. He watches as you tease your nipples, his hand going to stroke his cock over the cotton fabric of his boxers, before he’s kicking them off to get lost in the covers. 

“Please, Kook. I want to feel you,” you whisper as he presses himself against you. He lifts your leg over his own, lining his cock up at your entrance, unsurprised to find you dripping wet already. He bites back a groan, sinking into you in one thrust. Your eyes shut and you curse, the stretch just as delicious as the night before.  

Jungkook’s thrusts are slow, your hips meeting his as he mouths at your skin. Your soft moans are muffled by the pillow under your head when you turn. Jungkook frowns, making you look at him from over your shoulder. 

His eyes are dark and filled with lust, the twinkle long gone and you curse when he fucks into you deeper. 

“Focus on me, baby,” he demands as he grinds against you, his thumb rubbing your clit as his lips take a nipple into his mouth. You melt beneath him, gasping when he tugs at your nipple with his teeth.

“Fuck, just like that, Kook.”

Jungkook hums happily, grinning as he continues and you turn into a puddle. You ignore the way your heart skips a beat, adoration for him invading your mind. 

You know this whole friends-with-benefits would backfire for you. You could never keep it casual and maybe you knew that when you agreed and maybe you were willing to put your heart on the line for him because a part of you hoped he wanted more. 

Jungkook kisses you. “Stop thinking so much and take my fat cock, baby.”

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you moan when a sharp thrust makes your tits bounce and your thoughts are forgotten. 

Jungkook chuckles, kissing your cheek as he fucks into you nice and slow. He laces your fingers together, moaning softly into your neck, and he can’t help but think how intimate it feels to take you like this. There’s nothing better than having you in his arms, moaning his name as he holds you tight, refusing to let you go for even a second. He knew the moment he met you, that you’d be everything to him, but somehow things got lost in translation. Jungkook doesn’t let his thoughts consume him another second, though, focusing on your pleasure and his instead.

Before long, you’re both spent. Panting, you turn on your back as he sits up to face you. He’s smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he tongues his lip piercings. 

“Babe?” He asks with a shy smile. 

“What?” You ask as you sit up with the covers over your chest.

“Check your phone,” he says simply, nervously playing with his lip ring. 

You groan and reach for your phone, deleting the notifications from the hours you were asleep or otherwise occupied. 

Once all your notifications from your social media are gone, you spot Jungkook’s text. Only this time you’ve changed his name and the message has you pausing. 

[Kookie 💜] 6:31 am

Will you go on a date with me?

“Jungkook,” you say his name quietly and he ignores the way his heart seems to clench.

“I’d love to!” You throw your phone onto the bed, forgotten until later when you change the sheets and the thump startles you. 

Your arms drape wound his bare chest and relief washes over him. He kisses your cheek, then your forehead. 

“Come on,” he says, patting the bed. “Let’s get some sleep and then we can go on our date.”

“I have no clothes here,” you remind him and he shakes his head. 

“You have that pink sundress and sandals here from that one time you came over and stole my clothes,” he states with a playful roll of his eyes. 

“A sundress?” You raise a brow. He nods over eagerly and you can already tell he’s got plans for you. Perhaps he’ll hike the dress over your ass in need of a quickie before your date.

Regardless, you’re very much on board for later, but for now, sleep is calling your name and so is Jungkook as you stare at his broad chest. 

“My eyes are up here,” he teases, yelping when you pinch his nipple in retaliation. 

“Get some sleep,” you poke his cheek, settling into bed with his arms around you and your head on his chest. 

Jungkook can’t help but think, this is the best Monday I’ve ever had. 

next >>

thank you for reading! ♡ if you liked it, please let me know! 💌

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

[lov3-from-loserlane]

please please please tell me more about meygan ! I love her she's so cunt

AWW TYSM!!! I’m so glad you’re interested!!!

There’s still much I have yet to share and, well I do have a lot of ideas for little drawings to do of her ^_^

I also plan to redo her introduction post probablyyyy January 2025.

But I’ll do a little fun fact run down 😼

-Her birthday is May 28th because that’s when I did my first play through of the OLNF public demo, and she was the first character I played as!

-she has partial heterochromia! The only drawing I think it comes across well is in her intro post cause guys tbh I’ve been in a funk I need to lock in… I haven’t done much color with her and if I do her eyes are either in her own art style (so like those white circles) or I think I just color them in full black, comic style. Yknow like a lazy person 😒 But her face looks like this:

Jumpscare asf

-in step 2 she’s a huge fan of Anime. Her favs are Death Note and Ouran High School Host Club. She’d probably like Black Butler too but I actually never watched past the 3rd episode of that one 😓

But yeah she’d be all like “omg I have such a crush on Light and Tamaki they’re my husbandos and blah blah blah blah” but they’re actually just her “literally me” characters and one day, one day, she will learn she was just autistic and a lesbian.

-in step 3 although she no longer dresses “emo” she still likes the music and she’s still somewhat of an anime fan, just not as loud about it as she was before. And she heavy cringes thinking about her past self.

I think by step 4 though she’ll truly come to love all versions of herself over time no matter how screwed up they may have been though :’)

Anyway thank you so much for asking and giving me the agency to info dump 🤭🤭 if you have any more questions I’m literally always open to it.

[dcafanzine]

Hi everyone! We’re super excited to start introducing our contributors! Let’s let them introduce themselves!

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Greetings and Salutations! I am Beetle, also known as @/eldritch beetle, one of the Spot Artists for the Backstage Pass bonus zine! First time contributing to a fanzine, so it's a a huge honor to be working alongside so many amazing artists and writers I seen from this fandom! :D

Originally learned about the DCA through a couple random TikTok compilations recommended on YouTube back in early 2022 (honestly surprised to find out later on that they were from FNAF) and we've been running on a 2+ year long hype-fixation ever since. These silly dudes have had such a tremendously positive influence in my life, my artwork, and have gotten me through a lot of stuff. They literally mean the world to me. So I'm very excited for this project to come to life and hope y'all enjoy the beautiful and stunning masterpieces curated especially for both zines by everyone!! ♡

X/Twitter

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Hello hello! I'm Bubbie or @bubbiethesaur, one of the writers for the main and bonus zines. This is my first time contributing to a fanzine, and I'm over-the-moon excited to be working with so many talented people! While I've been a fan of FNAF ever since Markiplier's first ever playthrough, my DCA hyperfixation didn't start until I stumbled on Tumblr art of two silly skrunkly daycare attendants and I took a chance on a recommended fanfic—and then I was hooked. These jesters (and the fans around them) inspired me so much that they dragged me out of a 10+ year writing funk and reminded me why I love telling stories. I'm so excited for this fanzine to come out—ya'll are truly in for a real treat!

————————————————————————

Hi hi! I’m Kira (@ki-kosmo on Tumblr), and I’m the cover artist for the Backstage Pass bonus zine! I’ve been drawing these boys for years, and while I don’t doodle them as much, they still hold a very dear place in my heart. I’ve met so many cool people from the DCA community and I will be forever grateful for the fun times we’ve shared as a fan base.

I’d you’d like to check out my other silly drawings, I have a linktree with my other socials and sites. Go check it out!

[goldenlaurelleaveswrites]

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe

Ch16 Juleka vs. the Forces of Alya Césaire

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe (AO3)

There are a couple of people I need to thank for this chapter.

First of all, a big thank you to @mintaka14, for letting me borrow Roarr's name for makeup from Living Arrangements (It's such a good read and I highly recommend it).

And a huge thank you to @verfound for helping me through the crisis of confidence this chapter gave me, and for beating some sense into me (with love and giggles as you pointed out all my dumb typos 😂). I would still be spinning myself in circles if it weren't for you, so thank you for beta reading this!!! 💖💖💖💖 And for letting Dingo and Bri stay when they insistent on being mentioned in this chapter 😂

Finally, a huge thank you to all of you for the ongoing support and kindness. It really means so much to me, and I can't thank you enough.

A little bit of house keeping now. The next chapter is likely going to take quite a bit of time, especially because I have bits and pieces of it written and it always takes longer to write a chapter that already has pieces I need to integrate in.

Also, I'm issuing a content warning for this chapter. Juleka's anxiety is very prevalent in this chapter. I don't describe it in detail, but it is present in the majority of the chapter. Please use your best judgement when deciding if this is something you're comfortable with. I would much rather you take care of yourself and skip a chapter than read something that might upset or trigger you. 💖

With all of the being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter!!! 💖💖💖💖

__________________________________________________

The classroom was warm, just shy of uncomfortably so. And Bustier’s voice was nothing but cloying white noise; she had no idea what her teacher had been droning on about for the past half hour, and she sincerely doubted anyone else did either. 

All of their year end tests were written and done. Their projects submitted. Their lockers mostly cleared out. 

Now all that was left to do was make it to the end of the second last day of classes. 

Sleepily, she blinked her eyes and let her attention wander to the rest of the class. It seemed they were all paying as much attention to Bustier as she was. Ivan was drumming out a beat on his desk with his fingers, bopping his head along to the nearly indecipherable sound. Alix was leaning back in her seat, and was barely making an effort to hide the fact that she was playing on her phone. Kim was out cold, and Max and Markov were reading something on Max’s phone. Nathaniel was drawing, and beside her, Rose was doodling. 

She let out a sleepy sigh as her gaze drifted towards the front of the classroom. Chloe and Sabrina’s seats were empty; apparently they were skipping again. It wasn’t like they were missing much. She propped her cheek in her hand as her gaze travelled across the aisle. 

Adrien had been in a funk all day. He had tried to hide it, but little cracks in his facade had let it shine through. But it seemed everyone had assumed it was because the school year was almost over, and he wouldn’t see them every day anymore. At lunch, most of the class had tried to console him, assuring him that when he wasn’t busy or travelling over the summer that they would all hang out and that they would call and text. Maybe that was contributing to his funk. But given the argument he had had with Ladybug last night… well, her money was on that. 

She was still on edge from last night. 

And given the look Chat had given her last night… In all honesty, they were just lucky Shadowmoth needed time to recharge between akumas. That, and that—according to Roarr—wearing a miraculous provided some protection against akumatization. Otherwise… 

Well, they were all lucky they were just dealing with a moping classmate. That, and… 

Marinette had been uncharacteristically quiet today. Her mind had very obviously been elsewhere for most of the day. She assumed everything that had gone down last night was what had Marinette so preoccupied. Pensive even. 

During morning break, after Marinette and Nathaniel had gone to the art room to discuss some costume ideas for the comic with Marc, when she had been coming back from the washroom she had overheard Alya telling the rest of the girls Marinette was obviously thinking about summer break and Adrien. 

She turned her attention to Alya and Nino. 

They were very obviously texting each other. Which, to be fair, wasn’t exactly uncommon. Or something to be suspicious about. But considering the way Alya had been acting the past couple of weeks… 

That, and every so often, Nino would sneak a glance back at her. 

Well, sneak was being generous… It was obvious he was either trying to be subtle, or that he thought he was being subtle. Either way, he wasn’t. M. Damocles always gave her grief about her hair, asking her how she could see with her hair covering half her face. What he—and many people for that matter—seemed to forget was that hair was hardly a brick wall. Sure, it obscured her vision a bit. But she could see through her hair well enough to see Nino glancing back at her over his shoulder every time he thought she wasn’t looking. Just like she saw Alya kick the back of his bench every time she caught him looking back at her. 

Really, it was a wonder Bustier hadn’t noticed what was going on. 

Honestly, she had to wonder if Bustier had noticed her class wasn’t paying attention and was letting it slide, or if she actually was that oblivious.

She stifled a yawn as she directed her gaze to the clock. The time was crawling by. She could swear that clock had said twenty after three for the past half hour. 

Sighing, she dragged her gaze away from the clock. It seemed a watched clock didn’t move anyways….

Her frown returned as her eyes settled on Adrien once again. 

The past few weeks had been hard, having to be civil to Adrien in class when she knew he was Chat. When he was making her life a headache with his constant whining and tantrums. But coming into class this morning… it had been really hard to act normally towards him. Thankfully, he never really interacted with her all that much anyways, but he hadgreeter her along with the rest of the class when she had come in. 

And she had done her best. 

She really had. 

But she had maybe been a little… cool with her greeting. Which was frankly way more than he deserved. The good thing about being quiet was that people generally didn’t take note when she was extra quiet, and they didn’t tend to pick up on the nuances of her voice. Rose would have, and so would Marinette. But neither of them had been there when she had entered the room. So no one had really seemed to notice. 

Except… 

Alya’s eyes had narrowed as soon as she had mumbled her reply to Adrien. It was hard to tell if Alya knew she had seen the way her eyes had narrowed, given she had caught it out of the corner of her eye herself. But she knew she hadn’t imagined it, because as soon as she did look directly at Alya, her expression had shifted into a casual smile.  

But she had felt eyes on her as she had made her way back to her seat. 

She didn’t like it. All the hidden looks and glances from Alya. Coupled with those messages- the curt and deleted ones, And the pushiness and insistence on her voicing her support for the schemes… 

It was weird. 

But Nino… 

She cast a surreptitious glance down at Nino. He quickly turned away, his hat slipping with the movement. Subtle indeed. He couldn’t have been more blatant if he had tried. 

As weird as Alya had been the past couple of weeks…well, it was even weirder coming from him.

She sighed. There was no real point in dwelling on it though. Alya… she didn’t like to think about it, but Alya was definitely getting suspicious. That was the only explanation- though if Alya was suspicious, why was she still insisting on her helping with the schemes? 

It didn’t make sense. 

Regardless, if Alya was suspicious, well, it was safe to assume she had shared her suspicions with Nino. 

This… complicated things. 

She would need to be even more careful going forward.

Sighing to herself, she folded her arms on her desk and rested her chin on them. At least, if she was deep in thought, she would look like she was paying attention if Bustier clued in to the fact her lesson was going unheard. 

***

They were gathered at the base of the front steps to the school, a little off to the side so as not to end up trampled by the steady stream of students emerging from the building, clearly excited by the prospect of only one day left in the school year. 

“And you’re sure you don’t have time for ice cream?” Alya wheedled. “I can text Nino. He and the guys were going to shoot some hoops, but I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a change of plans. You know Adrien loves Andre’s ice cream.” 

She had to fight to keep herself from rolling her eyes. 

Even if  that particular ploy was weak by Alya’s standards, Alya was never one to miss an opportunity… 

Marinette shook her head, and she could have sworn she caught sight of her rolling her eyes… “No, I need to head home. I still need to finish my dress.” 

“Are you going to finish in time?” Mylène asked worriedly. 

Marinette nodded. “It’ll probably be cutting it a bit close, but I’ll have it done.”  

“I can wait to see it,” Rose sighed dreamily, “I can’t even imagine what you’ve cooked up this time!”

“Neither can I,” Alya agreed. “And it doesn’t help that my bestie won’t even give me a sneak peek,” Alya added in a playfully pointed voice. 

Marinette let out a semi-exasperated sigh. “I told you, it isn’t ready to be seen yet. Besides, you’ll all see it tomorrow.” 

“Fine, fine. But you can’t blame a girl for trying,” Alya laughed. “But you’re going to look amazing, I just know Adrien won’t be able to take his eyes off of you!” 

Marinette’s smile faltered for a second at Alya’s words, before returning. But it was tighter than before. Less genuine. 

“I’m just looking forward to wearing it,” Marinette said noncommittally. 

“I sure hope so, given how much time you’ve been spending on it. You missed one heck of a race last weekend. You should have seen how close-”

“I’m sure there will be plenty more races for Marinette to watch,” Mylène said, gently cutting Alix off before she could get too far into regaling them with every detail of the race. Again. 

“When’s the next one?” 

“Third day of break,” Alix grinned, “We both figured we would want to sleep in after the dance and Max has a dentist appointment the second day of break.” 

“I think that should work! We could do a picnic?’ 

“A victory picnic, I like it!” 

“You haven’t won yet,” she mumbled with a chuckle. 

Alix stuck her tongue out at her. “Yet.” 

“Anyways, I should get going…” Marinette said, taking an awkward little half-step back. “The dress won’t finish itself after all.” 

“Of course. Text if you need anything?” she asked.  

“Or if you’re bored!” Rose added as she stepped in to hug Marinette as well. 

“I will,” Marinette promised; there was a hint of laughter in her voice. She may have have been responding to Rose… but Marinette’s eyes were on her. With a smile, Marinette stepped forward and hugged her goodbye. 

Over Marinette’s head, she caught what looked like a frown flickering across Alya’s face. But then Marinette was pulling away, and once she had stepped back out of the hug, the look on Alya’s face was gone. 

Once all the goodbye hugs were exchanged, and Marinette was out of sight, Alya turned to the rest of them. “Ok, since ice cream was a bust, we can head straight to my place. It’s probably a good thing anyways, we have lots to get through.”

She fell into step with the rest of the group as they made their way towards Alya’s place, though she lagged a little behind Alya, Alix, and Mylène. As they made their way through the streets, Alya began going through a list of things they would need to prepare for one of the many plans they had cooked up for tomorrow. 

Because of course it couldn’t just be one plan.  

Alya had insisted that they plan multiple schemes. 

Each of which, of course, had a ridiculous name. 

“So for phase ‘Belle of the Ball,’ we’ll need to make sure…”  She only listened with half an ear as she followed along behind the rest of the girls. They had spent the past two weeks cooking up all of these plots, she knew them like the back of her own hand. They all did, as Alix had pointed out when protesting to this last scheming session. 

But Alya had insisted. 

As Alya had pointed out—while casting a glance in her direction—something always went wrong with the plans. And that meant they had to be ready. 

Under other circumstances—before she had found herself going toe to toe with Alya—she found Alya’s tenacity and determination admirable. She was bold and willing to do whatever it took to reach her goals. She was the very definition of if at first you don’t succeed…

The thing was, she couldn’t help but wonder… it wasn’t just that Alya’s scheming was bad for Marinette… at times… most of the time, the more she thought about it… it felt like it was bad for Alya. 

Alya was tenacious. Determined. Though some people might say headstrong or even pig-headed. Alya wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted. And, despite what her actions may have screamed, she cared about her friends’ happiness. 

The problem was, Alya had something of a tunnel vision problem. She was so fixated on the idea of Marinette liking Adrien that she couldn’t—or maybe wouldn’t—acknowledge the fact that Marinette had moved on. Just like how she was so caught up in the pursuit of Ladybug’s identity, and the idea of Ladybug and Chat Noir being destined soulmates that she couldn’t see what was staring her straight in the face. 

“You ok?” Rose’s voice jolted her from her thoughts. She looked down at Rose, who had fallen into step beside her. “You looked far away,” Rose said as she slipped her hand into hers. 

“Yeah,” she tried to muster a smile. The feeling of Rose’s hand in hers made it much easier, despite the dour thoughts clouding her mind. “Just thinking,” she said as she laced her fingers with Rose’s. 

***

She sat in silence as Alya stuck a pin into another colour-coded scrap of paper to fix it to her cork board. The cork board was covered in a rainbow of scraps of paper, each colour indicating a different person, with the scheme name, details, and phase number outlined on them. 

It was a technicolour disaster. 

And the more of the schemes—which were all phases in the ‘Operation Fairytale Ball’ plot—Alya added to the board, the more she could feel a headache brewing. 

It was honestly impressive how Alya managed to keep track of all the details of the various schemes and plots. If journalism didn’t work out for her, Alya had a bright future in tactical mission planning ahead of her. 

“…so then when he sees the punch ladle is missing, he’ll have to ask her where the spare ones are. And then when she offers to go, Rose, you mention we need more napkins too and suggest Adrien help her.”

Rose made a sound of agreement, not looking up from the plethora of nail polish bottles she had spread out on the floor in front of her. 

“And then Juleka, while they’re gone, you’ll find Luka and keep him busy. By the time they get back, we’ll be ready for Phase: Glass Slipper.” Alya finally peeled her gaze away from the cork board to stare at her. Hard. “You’ll be able to do that, right?” There was a challenge in the way Alya was staring at her. It was almost like… like she was testing her. 

“It’s a plan,” she murmured. It was a plan. A terrible one. One she had no intention of carrying out. But it was a plan. 

Alya’s eyes hardened at her words. She had been careful to phrase it as the truth. Well, a half-truth. The words were true. But the intention behind them had been a lie. 

And Alya did not look satisfied: her eyes were hard and narrowed behind her glasses.

Alya opened her mouth to say something, but Mylène of all people interrupted her. “And that’s where the faux flowers come in, right? And what flowers were you thinking?” 

She could have answered those questions: yes and red roses. Because they symbolized ‘true love.’ 

At least all the other colours of roses hadn’t been ruined for her… 

Alya shot her one last look before turning to Mylène. “We need red roses; they’re the most romantic flowers. And yeah, once they come back they’ll…” 

She fought back a frown as best she could as Alya launched into going over every excruciating detail of the next phase of the operation. 

After the countless hours they had spent cooking up and reviewing these schemes, how could Mylène not remember the flowers? The flowers she was in charge of?

She shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. But as Alya continued on her tirade of the operation, her mind couldn’t help but wander. 

And it seemed she wasn’t the only one… 

Alix was paying barely—if any—attention to the whole conversation. She was flopped out on Alya’s bed with her legs up the wall and her eyes glued to the screen of her phone. 

Rose was on the floor, surrounded by an army of nail polish bottles. All in varying shades of pink. It seemed she still hadn’t decided on which shade of pink would go best with her outfit for tomorrow. 

Mylène was sitting beside Alix on the bed, though she wasn’t upside-down. She was sitting cross legged, with a pillow in her lap and her chin propped up in her hand, a bored look on her face.  

“And then you’ll keep Luka occupied so he doesn’t interrupt them, right, Juleka?” 

She jumped at the sudden sound of Alya—very pointedly—saying her name. “Sorry, what?” 

“You’ll make sure Luka- or anyone else for that matter, doesn’t ruin the moment.” 

“I’ll do my best.” 

Alya didn’t look satisfied by the answer, but she continued on. Time seemed to drag by as they went through the next four phases of the operation. And it didn’t help that it felt like Alya was asking her something every other minute. 

And she did not like how loaded the questions felt. 

She did not like it one bit. 

“…and because Nino isn’t doing the music, you’ll probably need to stall for a while, Alix, while I-” 

“Y’know, I really don’t see the point of this,“ Alix groaned. 

“What? What are you talking about?” Alya demanded as she turned to look at Alix as she crossed her arms. 

She followed Alya’s gaze, and watched as Alix rolled to right herself and sit up. “We’ve been over these plans a billiontimes, Alya,” Alix complained before looking back down at her game.  

“We have been reviewing them a lot,” Mylène quietly agreed. 

“But we have to!”

“Do we?” 

Alya’s gaze snapped to her so quickly, it was a miracle she didn’t have whiplash. “Of course we do. Don’t you want Marinette and Adrien to be happy?” 

She hesitated; it suddenly felt like she was standing in the middle of a minefield. She needed to weigh her words carefully. “Of course I want Marinette to be happy. But she’s already going with Luka.  Can’t we just let them enjoy the evening? Can’t we just enjoy the evening? Without scheming?” She certainly wouldn’t object to a scheme free evening. 

“Juleka does have a point-“ Rose started to say. 

“You’re only saying that because she’s going with your brother.” 

Back before she had seen Marinette transform, had she found herself on the receiving end of such a glare, she would have shrunk in on herself. She would have faded into the background. Even a month ago, before she had become a tigress, she probably would have. It was the easy thing to do. Far easier than standing up to anyone.   

But she was a tigress now. 

And tigresses knew how to fade into the background. To move about unseen and undetected. 

But they also knew how to roar. 

“No, I’m not. I just want her- everyone to enjoy the night. I want Marinette to be happy and-”

“And that’s what I want!”

“That’s what we all want-” Rose started to say, only to be cut off again. 

“After all the time she’s spent pining over Adrien, trying so hard to get him to notice her, you just want her to give up?” She met Alya’s glare with stoney silence. But before she could muster up words to redirect this conversation, or at least stall it, Alya’s eyes narrowed even further. “I knew it!” she hissed. “I knew something weird was going on-“

“Oh not this again,” Alix groaned. 

“Not what again?” 

Mylène—who at some point had gotten up—stepped forward tentatively, hands held out as if trying to placate. Though she wasn’t sure if it was her or Alya she was trying to calm. “Alya thinks-“

“I know-“

“Alya thinks you’ve been messing with the Adrien plans…”

Shoot. “What?”

“I told you it was dumb, Alya,” Alix said pointedly before looking up from her game to look at her. “She thinks you’ve been plotting against us.”

Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot. 

“We told her it was just little miscommunications and accidents-“ Mylène started to say, only to be cut off. 

“But I know it’s been more than that!”

“But Juleka wouldn’t lie to us!” Rose cried out indignantly, knocking over one of her bottles on nail polish as she stood up.

“Everybody lies. Right, Juleka?” 

Alya was right. She would lie. She had lied to them. For months.  But she had done it for Marinette’s sake! 

And now this left her with a dilemma…

Was it better to come clean and tell them? Or was it better to stay quiet?

If she told them, she would have to tell them that Marinette had told her that she wanted to be with Luka. But Marinette had sworn her to secrecy, and she couldn’t betray Marinette’s trust. But if she didn’t come clean, she would be lying to them, which, granted, she had been doing every time she meddled with a plot… but those had always been little white lies! 

Hadn’t they? 

What was the right thing to do? 

She could hear the blood rushing past her ears.  It was the only sound she could hear. Everything - everyone - was silent. They were all just… just silent. Staring at her, waiting for her to- were they waiting for her to respond? Were they waiting for Alya to say something? 

She was suffocating in the weight of the silence. 

What was she supposed to do? 

How did she get herself out of this? 

“Come on Alya, that’s enough,” Mylène reprimanded. Her usually quiet voice was like thunder in the silence room. Suddenly, they were all talking

“Just let it go, it’s a stupid thing to fight about-” Alix added, only to be cut off.

“It’s not stupid! It’s-”

“Bijou, it’s ok. Just breathe…” 

All of their voices were overlapping. Blending into each other until they were an almost indistinguishable cacophony. All muffled by the blood rushing past her ears and the thoughts ricocheting around in her head. 

What was she supposed to do?

She needed quiet. Peace. To think. 

She needed to get away.

But how?

For once, Shadowmoth was her saving grace. 

The akuma alert blared from all of their phones. She jumped at the sound.  Alix was the only one who hadn’t, actually. Then again, Alix had been the only one to be somewhat disengaged in the growing tension over the Adrienette plots. As Alix had said when they had settled into the meeting, she had mostly been there for the snacks. 

Quickly, she scanned the akuma alert. There wasn’t much information about it, but it was by the tower. 

Why was it always the tower? It was like akumas and tourists thought that was the only important place in Paris. 

But it didn’t matter. 

She needed to leave. She needed to be somewhere Ladybug could easily find her if she needed help with this one. And given last night… it was a pretty good possibility. 

She froze when she looked up from her phone, her words dying on her lips. She could also see Alya’s desperation to go to ground zero of the akuma battle. 

But Alya also looked like she wasn’t done arguing yet. 

As it was, Alya was at an impasse. Both with herself and with her. 

Because Alya couldn’t stay to argue with her and go get footage for her blog. 

Or at least, she would be at an impasse with Alya. If she wanted to continue arguing with the equivalent of a brick wall that was. 

“I gotta go. Need to check on Luka and Ma.” The lie was bitter in her mouth as she dashed towards the door.  

“But bijou!” 

“I’ll be careful!” 

She was already out the door before Alya’s spluttered protests could reach her ears. 

***

Her feet pounded against the pavement as she ran towards the Liberty. 

If Ladybug needed her, she needed to be somewhere she would be easy to find. 

At least her story- her lie about needing to check on Luka and her ma was believable. Of course, neither Luka nor her ma were supposed to be onboard right now. Luka was hanging out with his friends at Aimee’s place, and her ma was staging fight choreography at a community theatre in a completely different arrondissement. None of the girls knew that though. And the Liberty was docked close enough to the tower that, while not directly in harm’s way, was close enough that under other circumstances she would be worried. 

But Juleka wouldn’t lie to us!

Rose’s words echoing in her head almost brought her to a halt. 

She needed to keep going. 

But the words weighed on her. 

Rose had been wrong. She had lied to them. She had been lying to them for months now. 

It had never felt great to lie. But they were harmless, small little lies. Or at least… 

It had started with little lies. Little white lies. About texting the wrong time or texting the wrong person… 

But the lies… they had become bigger. 

And so much easier. 

And the more she lied- whether by omission or fabrication, the harder it was to tell where the line between a half-truth and a lie lay. Was it even really a line anymore? 

Had there ever been a line? 

And with how easy the lies, the half-truths, the misdirections…  how easy it had become to lie to her friends, her family… how easy it had all become… 

The fact that she had so easily brushed off all of her lies until now… until she had been confronted and questioned point blank… 

What kind of person did that make her? 

She needed to keep going. 

She didn’t have time for this. 

But how was she supposed to move forward now?  

She pumped her arms and legs even harder.  Her lungs were starting to burn as she sprinted along the sidewalk, dodging dawdling tourists and ambling people left and right. With every step she took, the same question pounded through her head. Echoing the sound of her feet against the pavement. 

What was she supposed to do now? 

Finally, the Liberty came into view. She had barely made it on board when she saw a flash of red drop from the sky, down into the clutter of the meeting place they had hidden amongst all her ma’s chaos. 

She darted over just as Ladybug peeked out from behind a crate. 

“Good, you’re here. Are you free to help?” 

“Always. So what are we looking at?” she asked as Ladybug pulled the bracelet from her yoyo. 

“Not sure yet, I wanted to see if I could find you on my way there.”

“Well, glad that worked out,” she chuckled as she slipped the bracelet on. “Yeah, I’m free. Roarr, stripes on!” 

***

She stared in disbelief as the ‘akuma’ was loaded into the back of a police car by an officer. 

“…came all the way here, and decided he wanted to pull a prank,” Officer Roger groaned as he watched the door to the police car slam shut. “The embassy will have to deal with him. Tourists,” he added under his breath. 

“Well,” Ladybug sighed as she massaged her temples, “at least no one was actually akumatized. I might need to do a press conference or something to remind people akumas aren’t something to joke about.” 

“I’ll talk to the Commissioner and Mayor about it” Roger sighed before turning back to face her and Ladybug. “Good to see you, Ladybug. Purple Tigress, always a pleasure.” 

“Take care,” she said with a nod before Officer Roger turned and headed back towards the cluster of police cars. “Talk about a waste of time,” she grumbled as she watched the cars drive off. 

“You’d think they’d learn. C’mon,” Ladybug said, nodding towards the rooflines. Wordlessly, she followed Ladybug up. Once they were balanced on the roof, Ladybug turned to her with a wry smile. “Well, I can’t say I’m sorry it was just a tourist. You’re still ok for patrol later tonight?” 

“Yeah.”

“Great. Thank you, Juleka, you’re really saving my butt right now. Hold onto it until the end of patrol,” Ladybug added before she could finish undoing the clasp on the Miraculous. 

She nodded. “I’ll just message you a good place to meet up once we’re done?” she asked as she fiddled with her Miraculous. Ladybug still took it back most of the time after patrols, but she had gotten to hang onto it overnight a couple times. And she would be lying if she said she didn’t mind relinquishing her hold on it. She was going to miss hanging out with Roarr and patrolling the city. 

“That sounds perfect.” She glanced up at Ladybug to find her smiling thoughtfully at her.  

***

She went halfway towards home as Tigress before she ducked into an abandoned back alley. Once she was sure the coast was clear, she dropped her transformation. 

“I was looking forward to a good fight…” Roarr complained as soon as she was out of the Miraculous. 

“I know,” she murmured, holding out her hand to the disgruntled kwami. “But it’s just as well. Ladybug doesn’t have much time left to work on her project, and I’m all out of emergency candy.” 

“I guess…” Roarr mumbled as she settled into her palm. Despite her obvious disappointment at the lack of a fight, the kwami seemed unable to stop herself from purring as she stroked the soft fur on her head. 

“I need to stop by the store on the way home and pick up some more eyeliner-”

“Your war paint,” Roarr corrected. 

“Sure, my ‘war paint,’ but I’ll get you some more emergency candy. And…” she said, a smirk drawing across her face as Roarr’s ears twitched at the shift in her tone, “I’ll get you some anchovies too.” She couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose at the thought of the smelly, canned fish that Roarr adored. “Would that make you feel better?”

“I suppose…” Roarr said, her purr slipping into her voice. 

“Come on then,” she said, gesturing to backpack. As soon as Roarr was safely hidden in her pack, she shrugged it back onto her shoulder and slipped out of the alley. 

Once she stepped into the store, she made her way to the cosmetics aisle. Listlessly, she began perusing the display racks. Normally she enjoyed shopping for makeup—especially when her favourite eyeliner was on sale—but the deal on her favourite brand of eyeliner didn’t muster the usual excitement it would have. 

Getting excited over a good price on eyeliner felt trivial compared to everything that was going on right now. 

“What’s wrong, Juleka?” 

She jumped at the sudden sound of Roarr’s voice in her ear. 

“What are you doing?” she hissed. “Get back in my bag before someone sees you!” She cast a glance around the aisle, but thankfully no one else was browsing the cosmetics. 

“It’s fine, your hair is so thick no one can see me when I’m hidden in it.” She let out a sigh of exasperation, but Roarr continued on, undeterred. “So what’s the matter? Usually you’re happy when you’re looking at all this stuff,” she felt Roarr’s tail flick against her ear, “but you aren’t today.” 

“Well,” she said slowly as she picked up a random lipstick off the shelf and made a show of looking at the packaging. Hopefully, if anyone came into this section of the store, it would look like she was just mumbling over the packing of the lipstick instead of talking to her hair. “Alya caught on to what I’ve been up to…” 

As she continued through the store, she filled Roarr in as quickly as she could, pausing in front of random displays under the guise of browsing to give herself more time to explain everything.  Or at least, everything she could. But even that was only half the truth. Roarr still didn’t know that she knew Marinette was Ladybug, only that she had been interfering with the plots to get Adrien and Marinette together. 

Even confiding about her dilemma was a mockery of it.  

“…and it’s just a huge mess now,” she groaned as she dropped another bag of Roarr’s favourite candies into her shopping basket.  

“So what are you going to do?” 

“I don’t want to keep lying-” 

“I didn’t ask what you didn’t want to do. I asked what you’re going to do?” 

“I don’t know. I mean- Bustier is always drilling it into use that lying is wrong, and they’re my friends…” 

“But…?” 

“But if I tell them, they’ll ask questions. Alya will demand answers. Answers I can’t give without betraying Marinette’s trust. And I would never do that.” 

Roarr let out a satisfied purr. “A good tigress protects her own, and you’re a great Tigress. This Marinette girl is lucky to have you.” 

She bit back a wry smile at the way Roarr distanced herself from Marinette. “But what should I do? What’s the right thing to do?” 

Roarr let out something that was a cross between a yowl and a sigh. “You’re asking someone who’s kept her existence a secret from the world for millennia. As for the right thing… you mortals have such rigid understandings of what those concepts mean. There’s right and wrong, and there’s right and wrong.” 

“So… you think I should lie?”

“A Tigress fights her own battles, whether with her claws or her head.” Roarr nuzzled against the back of her neck. “Trust your judgment. You may not realize it, but you know what you’re doing.”

***

As she began making her way back home, she tried to think of how she would do her makeup for the dance. She already had a pretty clear idea, but there were still a few details she needed to decide on. Same with her hair. And her nails. 

Really, she tried to think about anything except what had gone down during the meeting. But as hard as she tried, her mind kept finding its way back. Relieving every moment of it. 

And dwelling on all of it. 

‘I told you it was dumb.’

Except, it wasn’t… 

‘We told her it was just little miscommunications and accidents.’

There had been nothing accidental about any of it… 

‘But I know it’s been more than that!’

And the one time Alya was right… 

She could tell them. She could come clean and fess up. Tell them- not everything. But she could tell them she had been sabotaging the schemes. 

Except she couldn’t. 

Lying was wrong. 

But right now, telling the truth didn’t feel right either. 

And while Roarr’s advice- well, it felt like a stretch to call it advice… but while Roarr’s words had comforted her, they hadn’t really given her an answer.

If anything, Roarr had only given her more food for thought. And it was tough things to chew on.   

By the time she was trudging across the gangplank, she was still no closer to an answer. If anything, it felt like she had spiralled further away from one. 

“Hey, Jules,” she looked up from her feet, where her gaze had drifted at some point during the walk home. Luka was sitting on the edge of the stage, his guitar in hand. 

“You’re back already?”

“Yeah, Nadine had an audition tonight and Bri had a shift, so we packed it in early. Captain called by the way, she’s going to be later than she thought and the crew is all grabbing a bite so it’s just you and me for dinner. We’re doing takeout, anything you feel like?” 

“I’m good with whatever. Just no-”

“Olives. I know,” he chuckled as he idly strummed his guitar. But then he frowned. He strummed the same notes again before he looked up from his guitar to meet her gaze. “Is everything ok? You sound a little flat.” 

She hesitated. Luka  was always the first person she turned to for advice. But he was… well, he was honest. And she knew honesty and lies were a bit of a sore subject for him, given their ma’s refusal to tell him the truth about his father.  

“C’mon Jules, you know you can talk about anything with me,” he said as he set his guitar aside and patted the empty stage next to him. 

She sighed as she sat down next to him. “What are your thoughts about… about lies? And lying?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Is the truth always better than a lie?” 

He turned to her with puzzlement and concern written all over his face. “What’s this all about, Jules?” 

“Say you weren’t being… entirely honest about something to a friend.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And you were doing it because at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do, even though you didn’t like it. And now some people think you’re telling the truth and others think you’re lying and you suddenly aren’t sure-” 

“Jules,” Luka’s voice was quiet and gentle, but firm. “Take a breath.” She did as he told her, and once he seemed satisfied that she was at least a little calmer, he continued. “Now, why don’t you tell me what this is all about?” 

She sighed. If there was one person she could be straight with about her recent involvement in the Adrien schemes, it was Luka. “You know how the girls and I used to plot all those schemes to get Adrien and Marinette together?’ 

“Yeah I- used to? I thought those were still happening. Or did they stop when I asked-”

“They are. Like Alya would give up.” Luka snorted at that. “But… but I’ve maybe been kind of completely sabotaging them for months now.” She spat the words out as quickly as she could, and she suddenly felt so much lighter. 

“Really? You don’t say…” The sarcasm was practically dripping from his voice. “What?” he added when she snapped her head to stare incredulously at him. “All those times you found excuses for me to spend time with Marinette? You know Couaffines can only be so subtle.” He had a point: she was still her mother’s daughter after all. And maybe subtlety had gone by the wayside when she had been dealing with him… but subtlety only went so far when dealing with her brother’s particular brand of idiot…    

“And you’ve been telling me to ask her out for months. Remember?” She rolled her eyes, but allowed herself a wry smile at the memory of the multitude of headaches he had caused her. “So I take it you’re asking me this because the girls found out?”

“Alya suspects. The rest of the girls think she’s being paranoid.”

“And you don’t know if it’s better to come clean?” She nodded glumly. He sighed as he leaned back on his hands. “Honestly, I don’t know, Jules. It sucks being lied to, and they’ll probably find out eventually.”

“But if I have a reason not to tell them?” 

Really, it was a matter of reasons. 

“It would have to be a pretty good reason. At least, I think so. And I guess that’s where it gets more complicated. Is it better to hide the truth because it hurts? Or will it hurt more when they find out you’ve been lying to them? Will the lies even protect them from the hurt?”

Her gaze dropped down to her lap. 

They would be hurt. 

If she told the truth now, they would be hurt. But they would also be hurt if she told them the truth later.  

If she didn’t tell them, if she kept lying and they found out, they would be hurt. 

But if she told them the truth, Marinette would also be hurt. 

She would be going back on a promise. 

And if she kept lying and they all found out she had been meddling, would Marinette be hurt then too? 

No matter what she did, someone could end up getting hurt. 

She saw Luka shift out of the corner of her eye. She turned in time to see him shift to gaze down at his bracelets. She watched as he flicked listlessly at them. To anyone else, it would look like he was just fiddling with his jewelry. But the way he was flicking at it… it was obvious he was thinking about a particular bracelet.  

“But I think… well, there are some lies that need to be told. I made you promise not to tell anyone about how I felt about Marinette-”  

“Which I didn’t.” 

“But I’m guessing you had to tell lies to keep it a secret?”  

She had certainly been… creative with the truth. “It wasn’t my secret to tell.”   

He turned to her with heavy eyes and a grateful smile. “And I think that makes things more complicated too. Keeping secrets but also being honest.” He had no idea. “Honestly, Jules, I don’t think I have an answer for you. I don’t think it’s an easy black and white problem.”

“I figured as much.” With another wry smile, she stood up. “I’m going to go chill for a bit, and then I have to go out again. Are you ok if we have a late dinner?” 

“Works for me. Tom and Sabine sent Aimee home with a ton of stuff and Nadine brought falafel and fatayers-”

“Did you bring me any?” 

“You really think there was any left by the time everyone had their fill?”

“Dingo ate most of it, didn’t he?” 

“Of course he did.”

“You owe me then.”

“Wouldn’t Dingo-”

“Well, better you had all of that today.” If she was going to bring a dour mood to the boat, it was also up to her to break it. “Wouldn’t want you to have garlic breath for Marinette, now would we?” 

“Jules!” 

She smirked as she walked away; she didn’t need to look to know his ears were probably glowing bright red. 

“Coast is clear,” she murmured once she was in her room. Roarr zipped out of her bag to hover over her shoulder with wide, pleading eyes as she unpacked her shopping bag. With the emergency candy stashed in her backpack and purses, and her new makeup carefully arranged on her dressing table, she rolled her eyes affectionately and pulled out the can of anchovies with only a little disgust.  

“And you said I could watch videos on your phone while you read…” Roarr wheedled, giving her her best puppy—kitty?—eyes as she clutched the unopened can to her. She liked to use her claws to open them. Or, as Roarr called it, delivering the killing strike. 

She pulled her phone out of the depths of her bag; just as she was passing it to Roarr, her stomach plummeted to the bottom of the Seine. 

Two missed texts from Alix. 

Five from Mylène. 

Thirteen from Rose. 

Between the false alarm, her shopping expedition, and her rather preoccupied walk home, she hadn’t thought to check her phone…  

Rose 🌹💗: I wanted to say sorry

Rose 🌹💗: I feel really bad about not telling you 

Rose 🌹💗: I didn’t think Alya would be so intense

Rose 🌹💗: I thought it would be better to just go along

Rose 🌹💗: that she would realize sooner or later she didn’t need to worry  

Rose had sent those messages ages ago. 

And she hadn’t responded. 

Quickly, she began typing. She just hoped Rose didn’t think she was mad. 

Queen of Darkness 🦇: I'm so sorry! I got home but the akuma was a false alarm so I went out to get more eyeliner for tomorrow and I didn’t check my phone! I promise I wasn’t ignoring you  

It wasn’t the full or exact truth. But she had picked up eyeliner. And hadn’t been ignoring Rose—or the rest of the girls—on purpose.   

But it still felt like a lie. 

Dots appeared on the screen immediately. 

Rose 🌹💗: It’s ok!!!!!

Rose 🌹💗: I wanted to say sorry

Rose 🌹💗: actually

Rose 🌹💗: can I call you????

Rose 🌹💗: I want to say it properly 

She pressed the dial button, and Rose picked up before the first ring could even finish. 

“Angel, I’m-”  

“I’m so sorry, bijou!” The anguish in Rose’s voice was palpable. “I should have never let things go so far! I should have told you right away! Or at least sooner! Before it ever came to this! But I thought it would be better to just try and go with it. That maybe she would give up? Or see reason- I don’t know but the point is-”

“Rose. Rose. Slow down. Take a nice deep breath for me,” she waited while she listened to Rose inhale deeply and then exhale. “Can you start at the beginning? Because honestly, I don’t really know exactly what it is you’re apologizing for.” 

Rose sniffled. “Yeah, I can do that. I just, please don’t be mad at me,” Rose’s words tumbled out in an almost incomprehensible stream. 

“Take another breath.” She waited while she again listened to Rose’s breathing. Usually, it was Rose telling her to take a deep breath. “Ok?” 

“Yeah.” Over the line, she heard Rose take in a shaky breath, like she was trying to work herself up to say whatever it was she was apologizing for. “Ok, so you remember when we went shopping? And Luka bumped into the guys while he was out buying guitar strings? And he joined us all for lunch, and asked Marinette to the dance and sat beside her during lunch?”

How could she forget?  

“Well, Alya thought that you had made Luka come. That you had ruined her plan on purpose.”

Which she had. 

“And- well, she told us that she thought it was weird how the schemes with Adrien seemed to be going worse and worse the last few months. And she thought… well, she made this chart…”

Of course she had. 

“It started with that time you texted Marinette the wrong time for the movie. And, well, she was just so sure that you were trying to ruin things with Adrien. We all tried to tell her how ridiculous it was! You would never do anything to ruin Marinette’s love life.”

Technically true. Just not in the way Rose thought… 

“But you know how Alya can be sometimes…”

Try always. 

“And she was so sure that you were sabotaging things so she set up secret meetings without you to plan other schemes that you wouldn’t know about.”

So was that what the unsent message had been about?

“And she said that if the schemes we planned at the meetings you were there for went wrong, that would be proof that you were meddling.” 

“But the plans always go wrong.”

Sometimes, they just needed a helping hand. 

“That’s what we all told her. But she was so insistent. She wouldn’t listen to reason! And we- well, we went along with it. The secret meetings, I mean. The day I said I couldn’t go to lunch…” 

“There was another meeting after the one I went to.” It wasn’t even a question at this point. 

“I didn’t like it. None of us did. But… I guess we thought that maybe we could get her to listen if we humoured her for a bit? Help her realize how silly she was being about the whole thing. I think we all hoped she would realize herself.  Beforeshe could make any accusations like she did. That’s what we wanted to avoid. None of us liked it. Leaving you out that way. Lying and going behind your back. I wanted to tell you. We all did. But- we…” On the other end of the line, Rose descended into a fresh wave of tears and sniffles. 

“Shhh, it’s ok,” she murmured gently. It took a while, but after several minutes of offering quiet, and what she hoped were soothing and comforting, words of encouragement, Rose was able to talk through her tears again. 

“I didn’t like lying to you. But I thought it was the right thing to do. Please don’t be mad at me- you have every right to be- but at least let me make it up to you. Please?”

Her heart twisted at Rose’s words. At the tears in her voice. 

How could she be mad at Rose? Especially when she had been lying for far longer. 

She hesitated. 

She could tell Rose. She could tell her that Alya was right, and that she had been sabotaging the plans the whole time. 

But not without going back on her promise…  

“I know,” she said quietly. “And I’m not angry; I understand why you didn’t tell me.” The words tingled on the tip of her tongue. But… she couldn’t. “Your heart was in the right place. It always is.” Rose sniffled at her words. “I love you. Ok?”

She just hoped she was making the right choice. 

“I love you too, bijou.” 

***

She flew across the rooftops; the speed with which she was running and leaping, it felt like her feet didn’t even touch the ground. 

It was a sharp contrast to the heavy thoughts warring inside her head. 

She should have known going into all of this that it would only be a matter of time before Alya got suspicious. If not of her specifically then at least of all the ways the schemes went wrong that didn’t have to do with Marinette getting flustered or Adrien’s scheduling. She should have suspected this would be a bridge she would need to cross sooner or later. 

But she hadn’t realized later would come so soon. 

And now that she was here… 

She had never enjoyed lying to the girls. But it had been so much easier when they had no idea what was really going on. It had been easy enough to brush off the feeling of the lies in her mouth and the pangs of guilt that echoed in her chest.  

And she had never lied directly. 

Or at least, not often. 

She had just… misdirected and misrepresented with her words. 

She came to a halt at the end of a block of row houses, catching herself against a chimney. 

Wasn’t that the same thing as lying, really? 

If she told the girls the truth—well, part of it—now, would they understand? Would they forgive her? 

Would they believe her if she said she had seen the way Marinette was reluctant to participate in the plans she knew about? That she had noticed how uncomfortable Marinette was around Adrien? Or would they chalk that up to Marinette’s nerves?

Rose, Mylène, and Alix might- they probably would… but she couldn’t see Alya believing her. And even then… would Alya just take that as an admission of guilt anyway? For meddling? Would her friends be hurt? 

Was there even a right answer? 

Her talks with Roarr, Luka, and Rose had just given her more to chew on. 

Roarr had said she knew what she was doing. 

But obviously she didn’t. 

And the kwami’s stance on what the right thing was… was less than helpful. She wasn’t even entirely sure she understood what Roarr had meant. 

Luka had said there were some lies that needed to be told. He had obviously been thinking about his duties as Viperion. 

She had never questioned lying to keep Ladybug’s secrets… 

But Marinette’s secrets were just as important as Ladybug’s. 

And how could she live with herself if she only protected some of those secrets? 

And Rose… 

She wasn’t mad at Rose. How could she be? All Rose had been trying to do was protect her feelings. 

And Alix and Mylène… they had both confessed the truth- the full truth of what had been going on behind her back. They had confessed. They had apologized. And they had checked in on her too, to make sure she was ok after the way the meeting had ended. 

She still wished Rose- that all of them had just told her from the start. 

But that just made her a hypocrite. Her hands weren’t exactly clean… 

She had told Rose her heart had been in the right place. And it had been. 

She liked to think hers was, too. But she had also become so accustomed to lying. To secrets. And everything Rose did was paved with good intentions. 

 Would the rest of the girls be as understanding? Would they see things the same way? 

And worst of all… 

Was she only feeling this way now… questioning all of this now because Alya had called her out? 

Would she have crossed—or, more accurately, gotten stuck on—this bridge eventually? 

Or would she have just continued to lie? 

Guilt and indecision weighed down her otherwise light footsteps as she bounded across the rooftops towards her meeting place with Ladybug. Usually patrol was a good way to blow off steam, but she felt just as tense as she had when she left for patrol. Maybe even more so, knowing she wouldn’t have Roarr curled up under the covers with her tonight.  

Even if the kwami’s advice hadn’t been helpful, the cuddles always made her feel better. 

By the time she had made it to the top of the south bell tower of Notre Dame, Ladybug was waiting for her.

Ladybug was sitting on the edge of the roof. One of her legs dangling over the edge, the other she was hugging to herself, resting her chin on it as she stared out absently over the city. The sun was still in the sky, but it was sinking towards the horizon. 

“Ladybug?”

Ladybug turned, but didn’t stand. “Yeah?”

“You ok?”

“Oh, yeah. I just… I have a lot on my mind.  I’ve had a lot on my mind for a long time. But especially after yesterday…” Ladybug trailed off, her face flushed with the same shade of embarrassment as last night, when she had collected the Miraculous and apologized profusely for having such a heated argument with Chat in front of her.  “You look like you have a lot on your mind too.” 

“Yeah,” she mumbled, kicking a stray pebble, “you could say that.” 

Ladybug offered her a half smile and patted the empty roof beside her. “Maybe we can have a lot on our minds together for a bit? I…” Ladybug smiled shyly, “I wouldn’t mind having a break with a friend.” 

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

They sat in silence for some time. Ladybug had gone back to staring pensively out over the city, her hands uncharacteristically still in her lap. An errant breeze ruffled their hair as she turned her own attention out to the city below her. 

It was almost comical, really. 

That after dealing with countless schemes, ad campaigns, and even akumas, this was what she was getting hung up on. Lying and secrets. 

How could she be a hero if she didn’t even know what the right thing to do was? 

She sighed.  They never showed this in the movies, and none of the interviews with the American heroes that Alya always watched ever talked about this. There wasn’t a guidebook on how to deal with this. 

But… if there was one person who would understand lying and secrets better than anyone she knew… 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course!” Ladybug said, angling to turn to her. “I’m always here if you need to talk.”

She smiled gratefully at Ladybug, before taking a deep breath. “How do you deal with it?” she asked quietly. “The lying, I mean?” 

“…the lying?” 

“You know, the lies. Akuma attacks, well, they happen without warning and I figure you’ve got to have a life outside the mask so I assumed you must have to make up excuses to slip away.” It wasn’t quite the kind of lying she was grappling with. Though, to be frank, she still wasn’t all that great at coming up with excuses to slip away in case Tigress was needed, too. But it felt close enough. 

Beside her, Ladybug shifted, then sighed. It was a heavy sigh. A sound that expressed the weight of magical jewelry and everything it entailed. “I hate it.” Ladybug admitted quietly. 

Ladybug had her arms wrapped around her knees, hugging them close to her chest. Her eyes were fixed on the horizon, but her gaze was far away. Like she was trying to see something just out of sight. 

She let her own gaze drift back to the sky in front of them as she waited for her friend to gather her words. 

“I guess… I guess it helps that I know I have to. To keep them safe. Telling people, it would put them at risk. And it’s my job- I want to protect them. So I lie. I lie to my friends. To my family. To Lu- lots of people.”

She nodded solemnly, her gaze fixed out on the city below. Somehow, they had come to the silent agreement that this conversation was easier to have without looking the other in the eye. 

It… it was different. Maybe. But it also wasn’t. 

Marinette lied to the people she loved to protect them. 

She lied to the people she loved to protect Marinette’s happiness. 

Sure, she wasn’t exactly out there saving lives with her lies. But wasn’t misery just as much a threat? Especially with Shadowmoth?

“How do you… how do you know when it’s the right time to lie?”

“It’s always felt like lying was the only option. Sometimes it’s just a little lie. Y’know, ‘oh I have to go to the washroom’ or something. But sometimes I need to make the lies bigger. And when I do, well, I try to only do it when I need to. When I need to do or say something, even if it’s hard, to protect someone.”

“I see.” 

“It never goes away though.”

“What?” 

“The guilt. Knowing I’m lying to people I care about and that I’ll keep lying. Even though I know it’s the right thing, I still hate it. But in some ways… I think the guilt is good.”

“How so?” The guilt that had been eating away at her all afternoon and evening… how could such a horrible feeling be good? 

“If we feel guilty about lying, that means we’re still good people, even if we can’t be honest. Or at least,” Ladybug sighed, “that’s what I tell myself to try and stay sane.” 

She frowned. “I… I never really thought of it that way.”

“I don’t know if it’s true, but it helps to tell myself that, at least.” 

“Whoever you are, Ladybug, you’re a good person.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small smile creep across Ladybug’s face. “So are you, Tigress.”

They settled back into silence, though it was a somewhat lighter silence this time. The only measure of time was the sun continuing its slow descent towards the horizon. 

“I’m tired of lying. I want to tell… people the truth. But I guess I’m so used to keeping secrets- and it’s such a big secret and it wouldn’t just change things for me-“ Ladybug cut herself off abruptly. Tigress turned to look at her friend, who flashed her an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry. You asked me- you asked for advice and here I am blathering about my own problems. But I wanted to ask… you asked about the lying… is it too much? It know how hard it all is, and if this is getting to be too much-“

“No, no. It’s fine. I- I like being Tigress. And I don’t mind you talking about your stuff. Actually,” she said slowly, “it helped. A lot. And for what it’s worth, I think if there’s someone you trust enough with your secret, I’m betting they’d be happy to help you share the burden.”

“Maybe…” Ladybug said thoughtfully. 

“I guess it’s a good thing I had patrol tonight.” 

“Oh?” 

She smiled wryly. “Misery loves company, especially when it’s over the same problem.” A look flashed across Ladybug’s face that made her pause. “Or… did you have something else on your mind? You know I’m here to talk too, if you need it.” The fury in Ladybug’s eyes from last night flashed in her mind. “Yesterday…yesterday was a lot. Are you doing ok?” 

Ladybug’s face softened into a smile. “I know. And I am. Doing ok, that is.” She must not have looked particularly convinced because Ladybug chuckled. Enough so that the corners of her eyes crinkled, warping the spots of her mask. “Really, I’m fine. I promise,” she said before turning back to look over the city. “Last night was hard. Lying is hard. But sometimes…sometimes… well, I think it’s good. To do the hard things, that is. Even when you really don’t want to.” 

That did not sound… reassuring. 

Maybe it was good to do hard things sometimes, but Chat had made things harder than necessary yesterday. He had been for a long time. 

There was still a hint of a smile onLadybug’s face, but it was caught somewhere between wistful and wry. And the look in her eyes… it wasn’t unlike the look Marinette got when she was studying a piece of clothing, trying to figure out its construction and such. Then the glint in her eyes was gone. 

She shifted beside Ladybug, opening her mouth to say something. But before she could figure out the words, Ladybug broke the silence. 

“I promise, I know what I’m doing. Trust me.” 

“I do.” 

She did. She just hoped Ladybug wasn’t going to make things harder for herself than they already were. 

Speaking of which…

“I’m sorry for keeping you so long. I know you’re working to a deadline.”

“Don’t worry about it. I was probably due for a break anyways and…” Ladybug smiled softly, “it was nice. Talking about all of this. I’ve never really had anyone who got it.” 

Ladybug- Marinette should have had someone who got it. She deserved someone who got it. She should have had someone from the start. 

And she… she hadn’t realized it until now. But she hadn’t really had someone who got it either. Not all of it. Luka… there were some things she couldn’t tell hm. Some things he couldn’t get. But even if she couldn’t talk to Luka about everything, he was always there. And just knowing he was there made all the difference. But… 

She hadn’t truly realized, hadn’t truly appreciated how much it meant to have someone who got it. And it made her heart ache that Marinette had been without someone for so long. 

“I may not get all of it, but I’m here. Whenever you need me.” 

***

“Get all your errands done?” 

“Yep. Get all your love songs written?”

“Nope,” he half sighed. She could hear the eye roll in his voice. “Food should be here soon. I ordered sushi.” 

“Did you get-” 

“Yes, I got spicy tuna. And spicy salmon.” 

“Good. I’m going down below for a bit. I need to figure out how I’m doing my nails for tomorrow- yes, you can borrow my good black nail polish.” 

“Thanks. I’ll let you know when the food’s here.” 

Once she was back in her room, she spread her nail polish bottles out across her dressing table. She probably wouldn’t do a manicure, given she had the lace gloves, but her shoes were open toed so it would be nice to have her toenails painted. 

Plus, she could really use a nice, relaxing pedicure. 

Honestly, she could do with a whole spa day. But that would have to wait. For now, an at home pedicure would have to do.  

She had just gotten her choices narrowed down, and was trying to decide which of the two deep plum shades would better match the lipstick she was planning on wearing when Luka’s voice floated down from above deck. 

“Jules.” She frowned at the sound of his voice. It was… it wasn’t… usually, when he called her to let her know their food was there or he needed her help with something- “Alya’s here to see you.” 

She almost dropped the bottles of nail polish. 

She should have seen this coming, what with the way they—she—had left things at the meeting earlier. Really, when she thought about it, it was suspicious that Alya hadn’t shown up earlier. Like right after the akuma was declared a hoax. Although… maybe there had been another meeting, like the ones Rose had told her had been going on… 

But Rose hadn’t said anything about another meeting taking place after the one she had run out of. And based on the timestamps, Mylène, Alix, and Rose had all started texting her almost right after she had bolted out. 

Grimacing, she set down the bottles of nail polish. Alya was probably the last person she wanted to talk to right now. Except maybe Adrien.  It was probably too late to pretend she was in the shower or something… 

But even if they didn’t have… whatever this talk was going to be now, she would only be delaying the inevitable. 

Sighing, she got up. 

It seemed the time had come for her to cross this bridge. 

She just hoped it wouldn’t end up burnt… 

Luka was standing with his guitar slung over his back and his hands shoved into his pockets. Most people found Luka hard to read; people said he kept his cards close to his chest. Maybe it was a Couffaine thing, or maybe it was just a sibling thing, but she had never had trouble reading her brother. And she did not like the look on his face. 

What most people would mistake for his resting face, she recognized as guarded. And there was something in his eyes- annoyance. And a sudden fatigue. 

Alya was standing across from him. She looked like she was ready for battle, with the tense way she was holding herself. Like she was ready to spring into action at a second’s notice. To say nothing of the hard and determined look on her face. The same look she had whenever she…

What had she said to Luka?

They both turned to look at her as the top step squeaked under her foot. 

Alya’s eyes narrowed behind her glasses, the lenses flashing in the dying light. 

The tension in the air was palpable. 

Luka looked at her with a silent question in his eyes. Luka was perceptive—about most things—and the vibes Alya was putting out right now? Well, Kim would have picked up on them… 

A few months ago, she would have asked him to stay. She would have needed him to. Part of her still wanted him to. But she also wanted- needed to do… whatever this was going to be, on her own. 

She squared her shoulders, and nodded. He gave her one last questioning and concerned look, which she returned with another nod. He nodded and left with a promise that he was close by if she needed him in his eyes.  

As she watched Luka warily head down the stairs below deck, she steeled herself for the oncoming storm.

“I would have come earlier,” Alya said. It was a good thing she hadn’t come earlier, especially as she had come with no warning. “But I got held up.”

Alya didn’t offer anything more, which left her with the distinct feeling she would not like whatever it was that had held Alya up. 

If she had to guess… her money was on a new set of schemes. 

Part of her wanted to ask, but there was no way Alya would tell her if her suspicions were correct. Not after this afternoon. Especially not, given the way Alya was watching her, with her arms folded across her chest and her eyes boring into her.  

“Just as well,” she said carefully, “I was out earlier. I had errands to run.” 

“Oh?” It was impressive how Alya could make it sound like both a question and accusation. 

“I needed to pick up some more eyeliner for tomorrow.” 

Alya’s eyes narrowed even more, and her mouth twisted into a tight line. Part of her couldn’t help but wonder if Alya was about to demand to see her literal receipt. “Speaking of tomorrow, I don’t know what you’ve been- what you are playing at, but it needs to stop.” 

“I’m not playing at anything.” That, at least, was the honest truth. 

When it came to Luka and Marinette’s happiness, there was no playing.

Alya raised her brows. “The movie incident?” 

“I texted her the wrong time for the movie we were going to go see.” 

Technically true. 

“The time we tried to get her to the park to see Adrien and she was out without her phone? You were slow to reply. And your messages never agreed to the plan! I went back and checked.” 

“I was on the way home from the laundromat, I had my hands full! And Marinette forgets her phone at home all the time!” 

“And the photoshoot?” 

“Marinette made an outfit specifically for me to model, and I had the makeup masterclass starting the next weekend-” 

“You were supposed to bail because of the class!” She and Alya both froze at the outburst; Alya’s eyes went wide, like she hadn’t been expecting to start shouting. She folded her arms across her chest as she watched Alya take a breath like Bustier always told them to. Though her exhale was still more of a huff than anything. Alya’s gaze refocused on her. “Luka asked her to the dance.”

“He did,” she agreed carefully. 

“Adrien was supposed to ask her when we all met for lunch.” 

“I didn’t know that.” That was the honest truth. Alya hadn’t told her about that particular scheme. Not that that would have changed anything… 

“You should have known,” Alya snapped, a note of desperation making its way into her voice. “And Luka looked at you before he asked her.”

“So?” 

“You put him up to it. You told him to ask her, even though you know Adrien and Marinette are meant to be.” Alya stepped towards her, a hiss slipping into her voice as she pointed an accusatory finger at her. Pain flared in her hands as her nails bit into her palms from how tightly her hands were balled into fists. But she refused to shrink. She refused to back down or balk. “You’ve been ruining the plans to get Adrien and Marinette together. Admit it.” 

Alya was staring her down. Hard. 

Months ago, she would have wilted under such a look. She never even would have made it far enough into a conflict to reach this precipice. 

But here she was. 

And she was not happy. 

Alya had shown up, unannounced. She had said only the Universe knew what to Luka. Although she had her suspicions. 

And now, Alya was flinging accusations. 

Yes, those accusations were true. 

Yes, she had been meddling and sabotaging at every turn. 

But she had done her best to listen to Marinette and Luka. 

She had respected what they wanted. 

She had never picked a fight over any of this. 

And now? 

She was not happy. 

Familiar heat was bubbling up in her stomach and coursing through her veins. Tension was seeping into every inch of her body. She pressed her lips together as tightly as she could, biting down on their insides to keep herself from saying something she would regret. 

Alya looked just as tense: her chest was heaving and all her weight was on her toes. Like she was ready for anything. And she was staring hard at her. 

It would be so easy to give into the white hot anger running through her right now. The anger at being confronted in her own home. 

At having accusations, as true as they were, flung in her face. 

At having to even be in this position in the first place… 

But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. 

She had decided a long time ago that she never wanted to be Shadowmoth’s puppet ever again. And now that she had been given responsibilities, had protected Paris, had worked alongside Ladybug? 

Well, that only strengthened her resolve. 

She refused to be used like that to hurt her friends, her family, her home,  ever again.

And part of those responsibilities- part of protecting everything she held dear, was not just fighting akumas. 

It was preventing them too. 

She took a breath to steady herself. “We both need to take a breath,” she said as calmly but as firmly as she could. “Neither of us wants to akumatized.”   

Alya stumbled at her words, like she had been broken from some sort of trance. She shook her head and then blinked at her, like she was startled by the notion that either of them could be at risk of akumatization. 

Without waiting for agreement—or protests—she let her eyes slip shut and began to inhale deeply. A moment later, she heard Alya join in with her. 

She let herself focus on the steady rhythm of her breathing, and the slowing of her racing heart. Once she felt calm enough, she opened her eyes again. 

Alya was staring at her once more.Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest, and there were still hints of a glare in her eyes. But at least it seemed her anger had melted back into suspicion. “Thanks,” Alya said quietly. “I needed that.” 

“Me, too.” 

“But you never admitted to it. To any of it.” 

Right… 

The truth was a tricky thing. And lies were just as difficult. 

If she told Alya the truth about her interference, maybe it would help Alya step back and look at things for what they truly were. Maybe it would help Alya let go of her fixation on making Adrien and Marinette happen. 

But she had made a promise. 

And if she told Alya the truth, she would have questions. Questions she wouldn’t be able to answer. Not without breaking her promise and betraying Marinette’s trust. And she would go to her grave before she did that to Marinette. 

Which meant that the truth would just lead to more lies anyways. 

‘I think there are some lies that need to be told.’

‘I thought it was the right thing to do.’

‘I guess it helps that I know I have to. To keep them safe.’ 

Under the guise of taking another calming breath, she steeled herself. 

And lied as honestly as she could. 

“I didn’t tell him to ask her out the day we went shopping. I haven’t done anything to hurt Marinette’s happiness.” 

Alya’s frown deepened as she left out a huff. Behind her glasses, her eyes were once again narrowed with suspicion. For her part, she did her best to look cool and collected. She forced herself to stand tall, but she couldn’t keep herself from fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. 

“I don’t believe you-” 

“-and if you see the dry-cleaners,  then you’ve gone too far.” Luka’s voice and footsteps floated up from the stairs, and suddenly he was standing beside her—but a little ways off to give some semblance of privacy—his phone pressed to his ear. “Sorry,” he mumbled, covering his phone, “delivery guy got lost.” Alya’s face turned to disbelief before settling back into a suspicious glare pointed her way. He shot her a look with a silent question, to which she nodded. “Yeah, Darrel? Yeah, I’m still here. So if you take the next right, you should be on the North bank. We’re the houseboat with the huge stage. I’m on deck, just look for blue hair.” Luka started waving; she and Alya both looked in the direction he was looking. A tall, lanky guy with a phone pressed to his ear glanced at them and his face brightened. 

They watched as the guy—Darrel—bounded down the steps and approached the gangplank. 

“I have no idea how I missed it the first time,” he said as he ambled across the deck, completely oblivious to what he had just walked in on. How he couldn’t feel the tension in the air, thick as pea soup, was beyond her. “Not many houseboats have stages. Anyways, sorry for the delay. That looks like a wicked set up, I bet you could put on a pretty awesome concert…” 

Alya eyed her suspiciously as Luka began to talk shop with Darrel. 

Would Alya want to keep going in circles with her after Darrel was gone? 

Would she- who was she kidding? Alya was not one to give up-

“I should get going. Let you have your dinner.” 

What?

She snapped her gaze away from Darrel and Luka to look back at her friend. Alya was still watching her through narrowed eyes. But the heat that had been behind Alya’s eyes was gone. Replaced by a coolness.   

What…

“Uh- yeah. Sounds good…” 

“I’m sure tomorrow will be the night. The night Marinette’s dreamed about? The night she finally gets together with Adrien. Right?” Ok, yeah. Alya was definitely not giving up. 

As admirable as her tenacity was… it was just as much headache inducing. 

“Yeah,” she said slowly. 

With one last look, Alya turned on her heel.  

She watched as Alya made her way across the gangplank. Just one misplaced step… that’s all it would take… 

If she were a better person, she wouldn’t be having these thoughts. 

If she were a worse person, she probably would have already given into the temptation and pushed her into the river. 

But she wouldn’t. No matter how tempting it was… Sure, out of the girl squad, Alya was the one she was the least close with. And the past couple of weeks—months for her—had certainly put a strain on their relationship it seemed.

But Alya was still her friend. 

And it was the Seine. 

She watched as Alya, now across safe and sound, headed towards the stairs that led to the street. As if feeling her eyes on her, Alya stopped and turned around to meet her gaze. It was hard to tell with the last of the evening sun reflecting off the lenses of her glasses, but based on the way Alya’s mouth was screwed into a tight line… She felt pretty safe on betting that her response to Alya’s parting words had done nothing to quell her suspicions. 

Screwing her courage to the sticking place, she returned Alya’s gaze measure for measure. They stared at each other, caught in a silent showdown. And it seemed neither of them wanted to swerve first. 

Would it be better to just give Alya the win? 

Let her think she had called chicken first? Try and get her to lower her guard? 

Or would it be better to hold firm? 

Stand strong and not shrink back into the shadows? 

Before she could debate herself into any more circles—she had had more than enough of that for one day—the sound of Darel's voice broke the air. 

“Thanks for the tip, man,” Darrel said. She turned just in time to see him pass Luka a large paper bag filled with their dinner as he shoved the cash into a bag clipped to his belt. “Have a good one,” he said as he turned and headed towards the gangplank. Still seemingly blithely ignorant of the showdown he had interrupted.  

Her gaze followed his movement, and then drifted past to the stairs to the street. But there was no sign of Alya. 

“Watch your step,” she half-mumbled, half-called after him absently as her brows furrowed. She jumped at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. When she turned, Luka was giving her the very definition of a ‘concerned older brother look. 

“Everything ok?” 

She looked back to the empty stairs, and then nodded with a sigh. “Yeah. Let’s eat.” 

As she and Luka headed towards the stairs down below deck, she looked back one last time. 

[chthonicgodling]

HEY UH HOLY SHIT IT'S (somehow the one year anniversary of-) LEUKE: A SHORT COMIC - now in 2023, remastered and compiled into one singular post! gasp!

newly relettered and resized to be actually legible! and yes this is uh. an obnoxiously long upload but <33 i hated having it stretched into a billion diff posts so o well. once again the description of this :

whereas no one needed me to draw this (unprompted and ridiculously long-winded indeed) but this was a more fun way to explain the random new character i had added to the background of our elysium pantheon than just writing a notes app paragraph would have been.

a year later, Leuke is still a character who HAS NOT APPEARED EVER ACTUALLY IN THE CANON ELYSIUM;VERSE and doesnt need to, she solely exists in the form of this comic & from me shoehorning her into every art challenge bc shes pretty and we love villains. yyyeah technically shes a villain! im so sorry to jump from one Maci ex to another Maci ex back to back but oh well fgkgk

if i can get briefly uncharacteristically sincere and mushy real quick aggain, im reposting this too on its anniversary bc drawing this comic last year really snapped me out of the mostl,y artless funk id been trapped in for the few years prior and my sillyyyy little mental health crisis - so it holds a special place in my heart forever<33 this was also the first like, long-form fully colored and huge multi page comic that I've ever sat down and finished and i still love how it looks a year later! learned a lot since then including just making my own font so that people can actually READ my bubbles -

in short i guess 0 grateful for this nasty little zombie tree nymph (AGAIN BARELY A REAL CHARACTER) for single-handedly reviving me from the dead - and again everyone who's since found me and decided to stick around n watch what im doing, n put up with me writing essays like this in the captions of my art.. its so so appreciated! so without further ado - enjoy!

*Leuke, Maci, Seph, Hades, Demeter all belong to me - Tory, Hecate belong to @fenixethekid!!

[quillheel]

ALIAS / NAME: Captain! I used to be called Honey, Lovely, and Nyx in the past, though that was LONG before Tumblr. Twas my amino days, baby. ( I also semi-recently tried out 'King' but the vibes don't quite fit yknow! prefer the vibe of that as a term of referral - ex: my liege - rather than a name weirdly enough BHGKTRB )

BIRTHDAY: july 7th!

ZODIAC: cancer! i forgot my exact stuff, like rising sign or the like, but i do know that! i got into zodiacs when i was like 13 i think so I know at least MY sign by heart lol

HEIGHT: 5'6! something like that, I think :] which is also 167 centimeters

HOBBIES: drawing, writing ( I have an ao3 I've been neglecting for so long ), dungeons & dragons / general ttrpgs which take up SO much of my week <3, video games, content analysis ( kinda? ), baking, penpal, learning ukulele, learning to sew, learning crochet!

FAV. COLOR: im terrible when it comes to this question because i love a lot of very specific colors because artist brain BUT... If I had to pick one. Probably a red-y brown-y color. I REALLY like warm and neutral colors ( though Quillheel's pallet probably wouldn't invoke that thought ) though i also like a lot of neutral and cooler colors. you can basically reference a rainbow for my preferred colors but even with blue at the bottom ( I'm a big purple-enjoyer ) i still enjoy what good usage of it can do <3

FAV. BOOK: the long walk by stephen king, inkheart by cornelia funke, or frankenstein by mary shelley <3 love different aspects of all of them, though inkheart was a big part of my childhood so i'm biased BHHGTR

LAST SONG: be nice to me by the front bottoms :] i've been listening to a lot of Hozier lately though

LAST MOVIE / SHOW: UHHH wolfwalkers! VERY good i really liked it <3 i wanna rewatch song of the sea eventually, too! that ones also a favorite. the last show would probably be season 3 of infinity train ( I still resist the temptation to add Simon sometimes. he is such a terrible yet interesting little man ) or finally finishing watching hisuian snow :]

RECENT READ: if fanfiction doesnt count ( if it Does then wander boy by poptod, which is surprising its not one of the HUGE amounts of disco elysium fanfiction i've been chewing on lately ) then probably i think frankenstein by mary shelley, which i picked up and began reading but didn't finish :( still the most recent though! I wanna actually finish that + reread the long walk + read a bunch of other books, like the song of achilles by madeline miller, circe by madeline miller, orange world and other stories by karen russle, memorial: a version of homers illiad by alice oswald, the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson, good omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett, the city & the city by china mieville, etc etc etc! ( if you guys have any suggestions actually, feel free to send em my way! )

INSPIRATION: horror! especially slashers, psychological horror, and 'bloodbath' horror ( selectively! carrie's got the vibes, saw does NOT ), psychological writing in general, a bunch of the books i have or plan on reading, mythology & legends, fanfiction and composition, music ( especially the weakerthans, the narcissist cookbook, hozier, etc ), poetry, and just!! learning methods of how things Generally are made, ig! how people paint, how people make clothes and make fabric, how people grow plants. i take a lot of inspiration from unexpected places, but a lot of those places are the act of creation in of itself. my writing might only be writing, but i try to embody a sense of color to it, of an artstyle you can almost taste, yknow? the composition in shows where blues look almost green and its like the world is basked in paint and there's just a feeling, indescribable, contextual but potent in of itself, the feeling of small moments everywhere, all at once, all the time. THAT SOUNDS REALLY PRETENTIOUS BUT LIKE... its true, yknow!! i like to embody a feeling in my writing, and i go to a lot of places to find it.

STORY BEHIND URL: once, a long time ago, my oc multimuse @cassiopiia was named orphic-ruin, and quillheel came second in my blogs list. i wanted them to match! so i thought of storytelling, which went to writing, then to pens, then to quills! and the 'heel' part comes from achilles heel, or the achilles tendon! as well as having ties to hermes' winged feet. in a way, its kinda saying 'vulnerable storyteller' or 'half-divine legend' or even kinda like a title or epithet vibe wise like you might find on a mythological figure ( ex: quill-heeled ) or something like that, which i think still fits the vibe p well to this day! if i did change the URL, idk what I'd make it now! i might eventually, but yeah!

tagged: @disassnbler ty ender!!!! <333

tagging: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh @littlelonesomestars @slaughterlocked @underworldslibrary @rebellionhearted aaaand anyone wearing blue, green or red <3

[theghostpinesmusic]

Well, I've decided I want to put off working for real for a little while longer so the 6/7 "Jive Lee" HAPPENS NOW

It was both exciting and weird to watch the band's two-night Fiddler's Green run from the couch at home. As I've written about a few times already, I was so full of Goose-related fervor in '22 that I drove out to Colorado that summer to see two fantastic shows at Dillon Amphitheater and then a just-fine debut night at Red Rocks. I had the chance to go back to Red Rocks for what turned out to be a spectacular two-nighter in '23, but passed on it because for the same amount of mileage on my car and a similar amount of money I was able to do a six-show run from Missoula, Montana down to Los Angeles (it was worth it). I'd imagined another long run in Colorado this summer and fully planned to make the pilgrimage, but when the band announced only two nights (fine, but not worth driving 2,000 miles for) at Fiddler's Green (bigger and downtown-y-er and way less fun than Red Rocks or Dillon) I decided to stay home.

Well, they turned out to be two fantastic shows, but I think I made the right decision watching from home still because now I'm seeing Phish for four nights in September instead.

So, anyway: Fiddler's Green night one. As I said, this was a killer show. Most of the first set was pretty song-y, but the setlist is fantastic and the whole thing is anchored by a really unique, surprising jam out of "Jive Lee" (which I'll get to momentarily).

The second set was a five-song jam- and vibe-fest, opening with a hugely blissful take on "Wysteria Lane" that I dubbed in my own head "The Holy Wysteria," then proceeding through "Feel It Now," a big "Hungersite," the rare and beautiful "Peggy-O," and finally a kind-of-hurried but still jammy "Dripfield." Oh, and an encore of "(dawn)" sans "Same Old Shenanigans"?! Destroy me!

I think the must-listen jam from this show, if I had to pick one with a gun to my head, would be the "Wysteria," but it's also basically one long extended climax for many, many minutes, so there wouldn't be much for me to write about. The "Jive Lee" is maybe more interesting for a few reasons, not the least of which being its recent emergence as dark horse jam vehicle.

I wrote about the song and its place in the "Jivefecta" and the rarity of it being particularly exploratory back during the Euro tour, so I'll skip past most of that here so as to not repeat myself. The short version is that despite being an instrumental that normally gets played for ten to twelve minutes a go, "Jive Lee" opens with a particular melody, and usually the entire jam builds directly off of that melody (with sometimes a brief variation here or there). There were a few versions in late '22 and throughout '23 that stretched out a bit further and/or longer (I'm partial to the Spokane version since I was there), but generally "Jive Lee" remained a fun, energetic, but firmly "Type 1" jam.

Until recently. In my memory, that Glasgow version from late '23 was the first version I've heard that wholeheartedly abandoned the beaten path, but since then there's also been this version (6/7/24) and another mind-boggler a week later at Northlands (6/14/24). I hope this begins a bigger trend, because there seems to be something about this song lately that (sometimes) inspires the band to take it places they normally wouldn't go at all sonically.

This version is twenty-one minutes long, but unlike a lot of Goose songs, there isn't really a "song" taking up the first five to ten minutes of the video's run time in this case. Instead, we get the opening "Jive Lee" riff, which the band jams on for about (literally) thirty seconds before Peter's enjoyment of the OB-6 draws them off into a 70s funk-ish jam that's a great example of 2024 Goose's willingness to leave some space between the notes.

I love this "Jive Lee" first and foremost because of what the rhythm section does in it (Trevor is an absolute beast during the first five or so of these summer shows), but because I normally focus on the guitar and keys most when doing write-ups...I will maybe be less than up to the task of describing the majesty that occurs this time through.

That said, early on here Rick and Peter do a good job of playing off of each other while laying back and letting the groove (mostly) run the show. Around 3:15, Peter moves over to the electric piano (?) and leans in a bit more, which in turn draws Rick out somewhat. Somewhere in there, Peter starts a synth loop that becomes really audible at 3:50, then he moves (perhaps inevitably in such a groovy jam) to the xylo patch, but continues to just add color to the jam here and there. There's a great camera shot of him experimenting with some echo-y goodness around the 5:00 mark.

Trevor well and truly takes over shortly after, prompting Rick to echo him and then stop for a minute to dial in maybe the weirdest tone I've ever heard him play on guitar: it sounds both ethereal and digital at the same time. He and Trevor go back to playing off of each other.

By 7:20, Peter and Rick's tones are blending really nicely, and contrasting well with the grungier, angrier tone of Trevor's bass. Cotter and Jeff have moved to a bit more of shuffling beat at this point.

Ultimately, the band sits in this space and explores it for a bit, which I totally don't mind because this is really different from anything I've ever heard them do before.

Rick and Peter both change things up a bit around the 10:00 mark, and it feels like the jam slows down a little, though in reality it probably doesn't.

Cotter and Jeff start driving things around the 11:00 mark, while the others continue to flesh out the sound here and there. I would love a Ted Tapes album with a bunch of tracks like this!

Around 11:30, Peter hits on a very "Fly Like An Eagle" sounding tone on his keys, and right about the same time Rick starts riffing on a very "Ghostbusters"-like idea. It's a really great combination, especially with the rhythm section still going apeshit in the foreground.

Once again, the band hangs out in this newfound groove for awhile, but that's okay because it fucking rules. Again, it might be my imagination, but I feel like the intensity and the tempo are both growing as the jam continues on...meanwhile, Rick is putting on a masterful show playing rhythm guitar and Pete moves back to the xylo patch.

Shortly after this, Rick takes the lead with a heavily distorted solo, but the rest of the band maintains the DNA of the groove we've been riding for the previous sixteen minutes or so at the same time. It's a potent combo that drives this "Jive Lee" into "NES Castlevania Boss Fight At The Dracula Disco" territory.

Cotter should be illegal.

If you absolutely need some guitar peak with your jam, the area around the 19:00 mark should have you covered :)

Rick continues shredding for the next few minutes, but I can't not just hear Trevor absolutely leveling the pavilion in the meantime.

Finally, just before the 21:00 mark, the band smoothly transitions into the outro of "Jive Lee" completing, for my money, the best version to date (though that might well have been dethroned by 6/14, which I shall endeavor to find video of before long).

[thesaintking]

Mark Ronson & The Business Intl. - Record Collection

I've been telling people that I have organically discovered music - and there's a link between everything in my record collection. I'm going to attempt to draw the lines between everything I listen to on a daily basis. Yes, if it wasn't already apparent, I'm going to try and listen to an album a day and post about it here.

I have said this before and I will say it again - this is Mark Ronson's best album. On my version of the album, I don't have the 4 instrumentals and one song that I genuinely have no interest in listening to. The rest of album consists of fantastic songs by various artists including Andrew Wyatt (of Miike Snow), Rose Elinor Dougall (of The Pipettes - whose album I posted about yesterday), Simon Le Bon (of Duran Duran) and the fantastic MNDR, who I discovered on this album. The Simon Le Bon collaboration was quite the surprise! But it wasn't because of Duran Duran that I discovered Mark Ronson. I was already a huge fan of his second album. (Lily Allen brought Mark Ronson to my radar, but more on this in another post, on another day.)

Ronson leans into funk/soul here, like he did on previous album... but he also brings into the mix elements of new wave. While it only seems like a subtle shift in sound on paper, the album sounds significantly different from his previous album. Ronson also threw into the mix some hip-hop from his debut, by recruiting Ghostface Killah and Q-Tip again. While he allows many contributing artists to play instruments and co-produce the album, Ronson also takes the lead vocals on one of my favourites on the album - Lose It (In The End).

My only gripe is that Sound Of Plastic was an iTunes-only release, and it still isn't available in better quality anywhere. I genuinely wish Ronson would release this in a lossless format in the near future. I believe there was a limited edition vinyl-release for this one song - so I'm surprised it wasn't added to the main album.

[trashcornertully]

other fandoms and interests i froth besides monster prom

so I post a lot about the Monster xyz series on this blog because it's been one of my Brain Problems since my wife and I got into playing it mid-lateish last year. however I feel like posting some other stuff I'm into in a fannish capacity so people can Learn About Tully™️

Read more under the cut!

I'm into lots of experimental or 'culty' musicians, composers and bands. I'm also generally into jazz, funk, prog, and jazz-influenced/adjacent styles of all kinds a huge amount

my IRL job is in linguistics and I enjoy learning about languages and grammar, sociology etc. a whole lot. I speak a handful of languages to varying degrees of proficiency

I draw furry art as well even though I haven't really posted it here, and have a roster of OCs and a fursona of sorts. my online domains don't overlap much but maybe they should!!

I don't necessarily know if I'm a part of the 'Adventure Time fandom' but I do quite like the show and have occasionally drawn and written fanworks of it (though I haven't published much online yet and none on my AO3). I'm not gonna crap on people who don't like it, of course (even if some of the things certain people hate about it are things I like, or vice versa).

I'm very much into tabletop games! I'm currently getting into a new game of DnD with some of the folks I played my first campaign with, and occasionally guest in a long-running Pathfinder campaign. I have a ruleset and shared universe I'm working on with the working title of Half Eldritch. I'm still trying to come up with a rule system that feels fresh and fun but isn't overly complicated, but I've been playtesting it every so often with wife and friends.

In a more general sense, I really love monster-type characters and terato stuff, which is probably why Monster Prom was such a big brain activator for me in the first place. I'm really fond of Undertale and Deltarune since way back. I got that ol' Undyne spear of justice in my heart still.

I used to be semi-active drawing OFF fanart when I was a wee lass. I intend to re-play it some time soon, most likely on stream! I'm going to link to my Twitch soon. I have a PNGtuber who's a dino lady named Cindy, lovingly illustrated by my friend Pooks [18+ please!].

Also, Tully isn't my real name, but a pseudonym that I feel comfortable going by in online circles. I actually have a "pseudo-full name" which I intend to publish original fantasy and sci-fi works under one day: Tully Kenneth Wynrad.

Some also know me as Frozen since I've gone by the alias FrozenFruit. This is a name from several years back, and is mostly associated with my furry and video game-related NSFW art. I tend to think of Frozen as my "furry name" and Tully as my "fandom name".

If you want to know more, just send me an ask!

[yesterdays-protagonist]

[b4kuch1n]

i associate u with spirou hardcore (it’s how i found you and it set off a, like, secondary fixation wherein i was fixated on it but i can’t read french and i couldn’t easily locate any translated comics, so i couldn’t go anywhere with it. it sticks out pretty prominently in my brain when thinking of you), luigi (super mario bros) BUT I CAN’T REMEMBER WHY, and tintin, but tintin comes at a sort of um. consequence of associating you with spirou, because although the two medias aren’t the same they have elements that mirror one another and tintin was a fixation i Could engage with so i just have more context to apply it to you and your, like, demeanor and art style and whatnot.

i still to this day think about your spirou et fantasio stuff and go digging thru your tag to enjoy it again. esp your horror-esque comic about the fucked up and evil deer? i think about that SO MUCH it’s one of my favorite things on the planet (but maaaybe not as much of a fave as your nausicaa au stuff. i think about That probably several times a week unprompted. anyway sorry for rambling lmao)

sjfkhds I’m so sorry for being like. All over the place with an interest that only me and like five other people have access to but honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way, spirou did So much for my art (especially comics) it’d be ungrateful to say otherwise. tintin makes sense too, I love both to this day despite uhh. all of the stuff. I still have the whole stack of bédé next to me on my desk rn lol

luigi is uh. probably because luigi is the keeper of my soul and when I die he’ll be the one extending a hand to welcome me into the abyss? I love luigi a normal amount I swear dfskjg 

[maksart]

was trying to post this before two but hopefully the algorithm doesn’t fuck it up too badly

Also I included pics of 8-10 yr old me I got obsessed with lilo and stitch when I was 8 and got my first stitch plush and the rest is history

Lately I’ve been in a art funk as you can see I haven’t posted glitch cats for months. It’s been

Hard to get motivation or to make art at all. I’ve been on a huge stitch eBay merch craze lately since Christmas and my birthday so my collection has been growing and decided to try and draw the little guy again

I will admit I’m not a pro at drawing him like I was in 2018 I do still have to use some reference but I’m getting better at drawing him slowly

I have finally acquired more Leroy themed merch from eBay as you all know he is also my fave L&S character do I decided to put him in there in celebration of being able to order the new primark Leroy plush yesterday it’s only sold in EUROPE- which I could never get if it wasn’t for eBay (leroy isn’t sold in the US only UK and Japan

The two stitches on top are based on my real exclusive authentic 2000’s plushes that I was able to get the letter man jacket stitch and werewolf stitch I hate his modernized design so I’ve been hunting down the earliest oldest authentic plushes because oml they are adorable!

[schleierkauz]

Cornelia Funke Q&A - 05.09.22

First of all, the audio quality was horrible this time. I tried my best to make out what Cornelia said but it was a struggle.

The Elephant in the Room/Those new Inkworld Covers

- See this post

- No, really, Cornelia hates them a lot and encourages us to complain to the publisher

The Color of Revenge

- The book is finished

- Direct quote from Cornelia:

"I admit, I'm very in love with this book. It will, in many ways, be different from the other Inkworld books since it takes places five years later and the two main characters are definitely Dustfinger and the Black Prince. 

That means there will be two story lines, two separate efforts to stop Orpheus' revenge. Dustfinger, Farid and Jehan (Dustfinger's stepson) will travel with the Strong Man. 

Meanwhile the Black Prince, along with Battista, will be with a young witch named Driope... who will... hm... probably explain why Fox has a fox pelt. So the fox will be mentioned but not- not in the way the cover seems to imply. The story will be about witches, good ones and evil ones, it will... I had so much fun finally getting more into the Prince's story, I wanted to do that since I wrote Inkspell. And now Nyame, which is his first name I hadn't revealed so far, will really be in the spotlight this time. Colors, too- are pictures more powerful than words? We will see... and I think the answer will surprise us all.

Part of the story will take place around Ombra, which looks a lot like Tuskany, where I live right now. Other parts will take place in South Tyrol, which we already know from Reckless.

I let the story surprise me. It went completely differently than how I initially imagined, that's always a good sign. There were plottwist I couldn't have predicted, I learned a lot, met characters I didn't know very well before... And I hope that I have another book in me because after this, there are still a thousand stories to tell. But that's how all my stories end, so... We'll see. I definitely wrote it with so so so much joy and I hope some of that joy will infect the readers once they have the book in their hands.

Of course (unintelligible) but there's also a lot of beauty and light... and many characters that we love."

(Translator’s note: I’m guessing she said something like “Of course the story will have dark moments”- but everyone talked over each other so I can’t hear her exact wording)

Reckless

- She is preparing Reckless 5, which she calls a huge challenge

- It will involve African fairy tales and Cornelia is realising how little she knows about African history so she's been doing a lot of research. Since she explored the Black Prince's roots in TCoR, she is looking forward to see possible parallels between the Inkworld and the Mirrorworld again

The Wild Chicks

- Cornelia has recently been made aware that The Wild Chicks are trending on Tiktok. She obviously had no idea. She heard that they are seen as idols because even 30 years ago they were growing their own food, saving chickens and featured lesbians

- The idea is to do something with those characters and environmentalism because it would fit very well but there are no concrete plans yet

- Of course there are also those scripts about the characters at 30. Plans have been changed - instead of a movie, Cornelia wants to turn it into a six part TV show. This would give every character room to breathe. Of course, there would be a book to go along with this

Misc.

- Cornelia wishes she was ginger. She doesn't want to dye her hair, she just wants to naturally be ginger. Maybe in the next life

- Cornelia talks about her Christmas project again. She wants all her artists to draw christmas trees which the writer's will then tell little stories about

- One of Cornelia’s next plans is to get environmentalists and artists together and come up with more hopeful narratives about the future of the planet. She is tired of apocalypse stories

- "The Green Kingdom" is finished and will be released next spring

- Cornelia's Italian is getting better and she hopes she will be able to do a few readings in Italian next year. She will be on stage in Germany next month for the first time since covid hit and is very excited about it

- If Cornelia had the chance to sit down and talk to any fictional character, she would like to choose the three musketeers or Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride

- Despite all the wonderful Italian food she's been eating, Cornelia remains loyal to the potato

- In Cornelia's experience, publishers often try to stop authors and illustrators from communicating directly because they don't want them to unionize. She encourages everyone to ignore this and talk to each other