#Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones

[nataliescatorccio]

#so long riverdale, and thanks for all the memes

[doctorcurdlejr]

this did happen like it happened for real like it ended with this being real

[wolfofansbach]

BEING A LIST OF THE THIRTEEN GREATEST RIVERDALE LINES, ON THE OCCASION OF THAT SHOW'S TERMINATION

As our much loved/hated show comes to an end, I feel compelled to record, for posterity, the greatest thirteen pieces of dialogue to spring from the pens of RAS and his henchmen. It was, of course, originally a top ten list, but I simply could not exclude a few of these treasures. Without further ado: 

13. 

“I dropped out in the 4th grade, to sell drugs, to support my nana.” 

“That means you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” 

Spoken by: an inmate of Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center, and Archie Andrews. 

In: 3 x 2 

Yeah, okay, this one had to be on the list. It’s funny, I’ll admit. It’s a great example of the overwrought semi-sincere melodrama that helped make this show so special. It’s low on the list largely because The Normies got their hands on it, so every time I hear someone make a reference I get all “do not cite the deep magic to me, witch.” 

12. 

“No! No! What are we supposed to do now? I’m horny as heck!”

Spoken by: Archie Andrews 

In: 7 x 16

Season 7 is undeniably dreadful, and yet there are diamonds in the rough. The occasion is the failure of a projector, just as Archie and Reggie prepare to watch a pornographic film. The utter desperation with which KJ Apa delivers this line is exquisite. One is made to feel they are witnessing a genuine tragedy. 

11. 

“Tonight, they’re making an exception and debuting a cover of the song my parents claim they were listening to the night Jason and I were conceived.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom. 

In: 1 x 1 

Really a fantastic line. A wonderful encapsulation of the casual absurdity of Cheryl’s character, and a foretaste of the lunacy we would plumb in later episodes and seasons. 

10. 

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones

In: 1 x 10

A genuine classic. “High school football” before “high school football.” One is never entirely sure just how sincere the line is meant to be, both on a meta-level and in-universe. A perfect illumination of Jughead’s pretentiousness. It is made all the better by the occasional cuts to Lili Reinhard’s agonized face. 

9. 

“At the last dance, multiple students were murdered.” 

Spoken by: Principal Holden Honey. 

In: 4 x 2

Delivered as an explanation to Toni and Cheryl, as to why there would be no school dance this year. Principal Honey is in fact supremely rational in the cancellation of this dance. This being Riverdale, he is of course treated as an unreasonable tyrant. 

8. 

“Bro, I know all the secrets of this universe.” 

Spoken by: Archie Andrews (evil version)

In: 6 x 5 

Spoken as evil Archie reveals his evil plan to keep the parallel universes apart. KJ Apa’s delivery once again makes this line. He is comically sinister. Strangely, he sells it. 

7. 

“A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones. 

In: 2 x 14

One of those lines that both makes me laugh and makes me genuinely angry. This was a fairly early season, and this may have actually been the first line to get me asking, ‘did they genuinely write and deliver that?’ Extra points for use of the atrocious ‘Vughead’ portmanteau ship name rather than ‘Jeronica.’ 

6. 

“I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of The Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI and I’m coming for you, you psycho bitch.” 

Spoken by: Betty Cooper

In: 4 x 14 

Just delicious. Another one of those lines that leaves you somewhat unsure whether or not the writers understood how genuinely hysterical it was. “The Nightmare from Next Door” sounds like an announcer hyping up a wrestler. Spoken with a raw sincerity by Lili Reinhart. Also points for the heavy homoeroticism between Betty and Donna. 

5. 

“For I am Cheryl Blossom, Queen of the Bees.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom.

In: 5 x 16. 

This one really doesn’t require any elaboration. 

4. 

“Elijah ascended…and I will, too.” 

Spoken by: Edgar Evernever.

In: 4 x 5. 

Admittedly, this one is only spectacular with context. But in context—the context being that Chad Michael Murray delivers this line while dressed like Evel Knievel and standing in a cartoon rocket right out of a Warner Bros cartoon—it becomes utterly magnificent. 

3. 

“It’s not queer baiting, it’s saving the world.” 

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 6 x 22. 

It’s actually hard for me to decide whether this one is funnier with or without context. Without context it’s wonderful, but it possibly becomes even funnier when you know that the context is that Veronica needs to kiss Cheryl to transfer superpowers into her body so she can turn into a Scarlet Witch knock-off and stop a magic comet summoned by Sephiroth an English wizard who is also the Devil. 

2. 

“If there’s no wedding reception, it means the Gargoyle King has won.” 

Spoken by: Kevin Keller. 

In: 3 x 12.

One of my personal favorites. This is a perfect line because like #3, it requires no real elaboration. There is absolutely no context in which it isn’t hysterical. 

1 .

“Word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance has seeped into the demimonde of mobsters and molls my father used to associate with, so the five families are sending their youngest and brightest, their ‘princes,’ as it were to, well, come court the rare Mafia Princess who can belly up to the bar with the big boys.

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 2 x 20. 

This is, in my opinion, the all-timer. Every word is perfect. The rapid-fire alliteration. The use of the word ‘demimonde.’ The entirely unnecessary addition of ‘as it were.’ This is borderline Dr. Seuss. The fact that Camila Mendes delivered it without cracking a smile should have won her an Emmy. No. An Oscar. This line is Riverdale. 

[petzel]

[taishaunas]

It started innocently enough, with the four of us going on double dates, me and Archie, Jughead and Veronica. And then it kind of naturally evolved from there. Some nights, Archie would sneak into my bedroom and Veronica would go home with Jughead. Other nights, Archie would spend the night at the Pembrooke and I'd go over to Jughead's. And sometimes, more often than you'd imagine, I would find my way to Veronica's.

[sethcohnn]

"You, Archie, Veronica, and Jughead have been in a quad this entire last year."

Riverdale Series Finale Scene: Riverdale's core 4 revealed to be in a polyamorous relationship (next scene)

[uglygirlstatus]

at least we’ll always have Archie: The Musical

[bughead-in-the-comics]

From Ssssh, Betty and Me #9 (1967).

[causetheturtle]

Riverdale doing what no other teen drama had the courage to do and just solving the ship war first with polyamory and then with all of the characters tragically drifting apart…there has never been another show like this and there never will be again

[jugheadjones]

BUGHEAD APPRECIATION WEEK 2024 • Day one: Tropes @lgbtqcreators creator bingo: [transition]

[nataliescatorccio]

RIVERDALE + tumblr text posts

[hitcita]

[doctorcurdlejr]

Least to most likely to baby trap Archie Andrews:

Veronica Lodge - if you tried to put a baby near her she would literally start screaming in pain and beg you to get it away from her!!! She is NOT going to have a baby over a man. She'll trap him in a business contract if the situation is getting desperate

Betty Cooper - While Betty wants to be a mother it's essential to recognize she does NOT want a man in the picture. The second this woman got pregnant she's literally willing to ritually sacrifice Archie to get him OUT. They have one conversation about children and she's like FUCKKKK THIS GUY WANTS TO BE BABY TRAPPED FMLLLL and goes into a blood lust that makes her want to kill him with Hammers because only the survivor gets to raise the child.

Jughead Jones - doesn't want kids and is so bad with them he either makes them cry or they bully him. Five year old kid going "your hat is stupid" (Jughead voice) "paw patrol is nothing but a hand of the fascist police state. I hope chase dies for his crimes against the people." With that being said, if he had sniffed out Archie's overwhelming desperation to be a father he would've been first in line at the bizarre child acquisition store if it meant an opportunity to bind Archie to him. "A baby would fix us" - Jughead Jones before handing Archie a purpose in life

Joaquin DeSantos - MY MAN BABY TRAPPED ARCHIE ANDREWS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. Joaquin had Archie's number down so well it's frankly astounding. One kiss right before he SHANKS Archie and he had the guy trying to raise his little brother. Archie was 16 years old fending off social services like my dead prison lover and his estranged brother need me to step up for our family.

[cinematv]

RIVERDALE (2017 - 2023)

[inky-squid-art]

im still alive. hi