#Both in regards to skill and developing my style

[omorithedreamermod]

JANUARY DEVLOG - 2

The second DEVOLG is here! It's been almost a month since development after the PRELUDE began, and there has been a lot of progress made. Before that...

IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

[Before, it was stated here that saves would not be usable from the DEMO. Doing more testing with this, and now it's pointing to the likelihood of saves being usable after all. Hoping this stays true! Testing, testing...]

Also, this mod is NOT an adaption of my fanfic Endless Dreaming. Although the very base premise, passing out in the good end, and Headspace still existing is the same–the reasons why are different, and absolutely everything else is different too. Those who have read it will have realized this the moment MARI appeared in the DEMO. That is to say, you will not find out any information on the mod by reading the fanfic. It's a brand new story, with new locations, new characters, new interpretations and concepts, new lore–all of that. Just wanted to clarify this since rumors have been continuously spreading despite notes on the mod page. Wouldn't want people to turn away thinking it's a story they've already seen before. Now, onto progress.

PROGRESS:

Majority of the maps are completed, while a couple are active WIPs. Only two more important maps need to be created from scratch! Other additional areas may be added if time allows.

Most general character sprite art has been created. NPCs are also in progress. There's a lot left to do.

Battle assets are still being created. Most of the DREAMER emotions are complete, while both him and STRANGER lack more of the general ones. Enemies also still need to be drawn, but concepts exist. Battlebacks are beginning to be made now that maps are mostly accounted for.

OST for the prelude is near complete. Everyone has been amazing and on top of it!

Writing has fully begun, including the programming of said cutscenes. To avoid spoiling, not more will be said, but a lot of writing/cutscene programming is happening.

Along with battle portraits, DREAMER and STRANGER have a large amount of general portraits now! Many more still need to be made for SUNNY and BASIL in the real world, though. Certain important NPCs also have their own new portraits, so please look forward to those new characters! As shown above, the mirror art is complete. There are still important cutscenes that need to be drawn, and have not been started on. There's also a certain "thing" that needs quite a bit of art, but hopefully that will be simple and quick.

Battle programming regarding attacks and skills are implemented for the main party, but not for enemies. That will likely be done later, as placeholders function well for now.

NOTES:

I believe the March goal is very possible, if I properly balance everything. Work beyond the PRELUDE release will likely start while art continues to be made. I'm still making all the non-sprite art as well as writing everything, and programming the vast majority-and that's where the concern comes in, since including that, I'm also been doing maps, OST, and sprite art, meaning the time spent is split between many tasks.

This also does not factor in the time it'll take to make extra art ahead of time for the trailer. Still, considering the simplicity of the OMORI style, and how each drawing makes me faster/more adept at it, I believe it is possible as long as I stay focused and balance it with my other priorities not involving the mod. I believe consistency with the art is important, which is why I'm doing it all.

The team is reliable even if small, and while I was concerned about NPCs, a new team member recently joined and is really helping out, so I'm extremely thankful and feel less stressed about it. Also, most maps are accounted for, and OST is practically done, so as long as I stay on top of programming/writing, the art will be completed in the remaining time.

CONCLUSION:

There's still a lot to do, but I believe the current pace will lead to success. Even more groundwork has been laid, and now it's being built on top of properly. Certain ideas have been ironed out, and the goal is in sight. Everything will be a lot less stressful once the PRELUDE is complete, as a lot of the art made now will be used throughout! Please continue to root for our continued progress, and look forward to the next DEVLOG!

[koji-haru]

Swap AU Part: 20

[After half a year the next chapter is here! 🥳 Sorry if half way through the writing style is slightly different or if it doesn't flow as smoothly. I actually went on hiatus as I was writing this chapter. Regardless, I hope you like it anyway despite the flaws 🙇‍♀️]

Guilt had been gnawing at Adam ever since last evening. His increasing dissatisfaction with his life in the garden and frustration regarding Heaven’s ways along with Michael’s reluctance to take action had caused him to pour out all of his boiling discontent at the angel. The piercing questions and harsh words that left his mouth had been echoing within his mind ever since he ran away yesterday haunting him even throughout the night like a vengeful spirit who refused to forgive. 

“So, do you think they’re justified in separating us then?” “I’m sick of this! I’m sick of the garden! And I’m sick of you!”

Yes, he was disappointed at Michael’s unwillingness to go against Heaven even for both of their sakes, and even until now the disappointment lingered like a heavy weight within his chest. But still, those words he said, the way he said them with such animosity, he hadn’t fully meant them. He was bitter and frustrated, and he was tired of feeling trapped in the garden, but he could never be sick of his angel. 

The small blue stones Adam stuck into the wooden horse’s face glimmered under the softening rays of the late sun. The entire day had been spent searching for white wood, yellow stones that he grounded into powder, blue stones of the correct size, and putting them together to form a figure. If he were to meet Michael again later at the end of the day, he wanted to at least have something to gift his angel – his way of apologising for his, admittedly childish, actions yesterday. Simple words would be enough for Michael, Adam knew that, but still, he wanted to show his sincerity.  

Dipping his pinky finger into a small bowl of yellow pigment, Adam gave the wooden horse figure a light yellow tint all across its body and a little darker for its mane and tail. A satisfied smile blossomed on his face as he raised the small up in the air, the white from the wood and yellow from the ground pigment looking almost golden under the soft light of the afternoon. He had taken a longer time creating the figure, ensuring that he carved the wood as smoothly as possible, grounded the yellow stone as finely as he could, and polished the blue stones so they would shine even under the shade. All of his effort and time, everything skill he had learned so far, poured into this one small thing – his apology gift for Michael. 

“Hmm, I think this might be my best work yet.” The wooden figure was held by Adam against the light of the sun, tilted and turned to a variety of angles in inspection for any remaining imperfections. 

“Quite possibly.” An unfamiliar voice spoke from behind Adam, their voice soft and gentle yet full of power and authority. When Adam turned to see his sudden guest, he was greeted with a sight he rarely saw. Tall and dignified, exuding an ethereal air with every long stride she took beneath her long white and grey dress, an angel slowly approached the first man with a soft smile upon her lips. “Though, let’s not limit yourself. I’m sure you’ll improve even more with time.”

“Sera!” 

The tall seraphim stopped just in front of Adam, her hands intertwined with each other as she regarded the human in front of her. “Hello Adam, how have you been doing?”

A sudden prickling sensation crawled up Adam’s spine at the seraphim’s arrival. Though he held no strong feelings of hate for the angel, ever since he realised that Eve’s making was due to her, an aversion had been developed against her. Sera rarely graced the garden with her presence, much less visited and talked to the humans that resided there, however, whenever she did, massive changes were introduced to their lives in the garden. Both the brothers Lucifer and Michael confirming to Adam that Sera was in fact the one who truly oversees the garden and humanity only further worsened the first man’s anxious aversion of the high seraphim. Which was exactly why Adam had learned to be a bit more mindful of the words and feelings he expressed towards Sera. For better or worse, her perception of the ongoings within the garden through his words would most assuredly alter his life. 

Storing the wooden figure in his hand behind his back, Adam looked up to the tall angel with a small awkward smile gracing his lips. “Hi Sera, it’s been a while since you last visited, and I, um, I’m doing…alright.”

Sera narrowed her eyes ever so slightly as she met Adam’s own diverting eyes. This miniscule interaction, along with the brief moment of silence as she made her way to sit upon a nearby log, only served to further exacerbate the heightened feeling that pricked at the first man’s nerves. Anxious eyes closely trailed after every move the angel made while his throat remained dry and incapable of uttering another word as his mind reeled with uneasy thoughts clamouring to be answered. Was he supposed to say something more? Had he unknowingly revealed something he shouldn’t have? Was his behaviour something out of place?

“Just alright?” Sera asked, a curious glint in her eyes as she patted the space on the log beside her. “Tell me, is there something bothering you?”

The usual cool and welcoming grace that Adam felt from the seraphim somehow suddenly felt like a cold, stagnant presence. He couldn’t exactly explain why, but instead of comfort, Sera’s company felt like a crushing wall of thorns that surrounded him - offering no room for any discussion. A simple wrong move and thorns could pierce through his flesh. Still, despite the strange uneasiness rapidly gurgling from deep within his core, Adam dared not refuse the seat offered to him by the angel. Though, despite his secret show of bravery, he still couldn’t bring himself to sit as close and act as familiarly with Sera as he used to before. In all of his existence, since he first breathed in the air of the garden, this was the first time Adam had felt the ungraspable void lingering in the back of his head become so strongly - almost like a tangible ball of incomprehensible proportions. The very real existence of his ignorance in everything that surrounded him.

With a notable distance between the two on the log, and an air of newfound unfamiliarity in the air, Adam remained uncomfortably still at the edge of the log, the wooden horse spinning between his fingers in false idleness. 

“...no… not really, everything’s fine,” Adam finally managed to force out, the knowledge that he was knowingly and purposely omitting the truth from an angel tasted like bitter, rotten fruit going down his throat. Sneaking behind Sera and Heaven was one thing, but to directly lie to her was another.

An uncomfortable heat began to swiftly spread from within his core outwards to his limbs, reaching even his extremities, as a terrifying beating started banging against his chest threatening to explode the longer he sat close to the angel. As the strange sensations became stronger, louder and more uncontrollable, a sudden cool sensation met against Adam’s forehead. 

“Are you sure everything’s fine?” asked Sera, her pale hand placed against the first man’s forehead. “You don’t look too well.”

“I– I, uh,” stammered Adam as he looked up at the tall figure who was suddenly beside him. After taking in a deep breath and along with the coolness from Sera’s hand helping to calm down the anxious heat beneath his skin, Adam managed to rein in his growing unease. Gently, pulling the pale hand away from him, Adam continued, “Really, I’m alright. It’s just that… well…”

“Well?”

“...well…” Adam turned to look back down at the wooden horse he had meticulously carved and decorated, its blue jewelled eyes and golden mane reminding him of soft kisses and gentle embraces - moments borne out of choices he had made for himself. And the thought that he couldn’t keep it nor chase for it left a desperate hollowness within his chest. It was worth it. He might as well try. “Eve and I, recently, we haven’t seen each other much.”

Sera sat up straighter, brows furrowed, silver eyes clouded with confusion as if something that shouldn’t be had happened before her very eyes. “What do you mean you haven’t seen each other? You’re husband and wife.”

Most of his life Adam had remained obedient and truthful to heaven. Never daring to step out of the path they had carved for him, having the utmost devotion to his Father, his creator. That path however, was no longer a journey he was willing to take. Lilith, his counterpart, his very own equal, had chosen her own path long ago, and yet here she remained in the garden, untouched by divine punishment. Granted, her disobedience was kept secret from most angels of Heaven, but surely their Father must suspect something? Adam would like to believe that despite heaven’s strict conduct, their Father must be a merciful one. And this time, he also hoped that their Father would be just as merciful towards him as he would try to carve his own path. 

“Eve and I… we’re just too different,” Adam answered. He fully understood how the second woman felt towards him, and  they did get along very well, too well in fact, as if the second woman was fashioned specifically for him, to tend to his every need and agree with every word he spoke. It felt…unnatural. The actions he was about to take, the words he was about to say, they’re not just for his own happiness, but also for Eve. Spreading lies about her to Sera like this, Adam hoped that she would understand one day. “There are just many things we couldn’t agree on and, well… we’ve decided to distance ourselves from each other for a while. At least until we could settle on something together, but…it’s a little, um, difficult.”

For once, it was the seraphim’s turn to be at loss for words. The fresh air of the garden slowly became contaminated by the almost tangible shocked confusion that was emanating from Sera. Having almost been kept busy with either work or plans for future work almost as soon as she was given form from the ray of a pure white star, Sera was used to the constant pressure of labour, her mind capable of processing multiple thoughts at once and coming up with ideas to resolve them. Yet at this very moment, no matter how much she racked her mind to come up with an explanation for the bizarre occurrence she had just heard, nothing came to her mind. Humans were designed to be perfect, curious and adventurous, yes, but ultimately perfect. They were meant to follow the plan blessed upon them and live life under Heaven’s guidance. Eve especially was designed to remain steadfast, never to stray away from Heaven’s light, the reins on her much shorter and more tightly held. 

“That…cannot be…” Sera shook her head, a deep furrow forming between her brows. So many questions ran through her mind, and yet they remained all unanswered. Did she make a mistake when she created Eve? Was creating a new human from a rib instead of soil what caused such an error? Had she neglected to properly study Adam’s preferences? 

“Why?” she finally continued after regaining some of her composure. “I mean, how? Can you please tell me what you two couldn’t agree on? Perhaps I could help. Let me find Eve–”

“No!” Adam swiftly held onto the sleeve of Sera’s robe before immediately releasing his hold from her. “I mean… that’s not necessary.”

Adam didn’t know it was possible, and yet here it was, the atmosphere around the two of them managed to become even more suffocating as if the very air itself was frozen and the movement of time became stagnant. Despite the seeming motionlessness of the world around him, words and actions somehow kept moving much too fast, too quick for him to put a halt on things. 

“Don’t spout such nonsense,” reprimanded Sera, her downward gaze like an icicle piercing through the first man. “She’s your wife, of course it’s necessary for you two to resolve your problems together.”

“Our problem…it’s…it’s not something that could be resolved,” Adam insisted despite feeling the sharp gaze of the seraphim towards him. 

A tired sigh escaped from Sera, “Of course it can be resolved.” Her freezing gaze slowly melted away as she placed a pale hand on the first man’s shoulder. “You need not worry much about your troubles. Heaven can fix anything.”

“No Sera, you don’t understand.” Adam pulled his eyes away from the seraphim and back to the wooden horse that he had been holding onto this entire time, his fingers slowly traced over every single feature he had carefully carved onto the figure. “Eve and I are just not for each other.”

A flicker of shimmering blue between the first man’s hands caught Sera’s eyes down towards the suspiciously familiar figure he held so carefully within his hands. And then suddenly, Sera immediately knew of the reason why Adam insisted on ‘not being compatible’ with Eve. 

“Are you still feeling attached to Michael?”

Part 19

Part 21

[under-lok-n-ki]

Captain Ava & Captain Lizzie

literally cannot wait until we get more development on this plot bc it’s so so good

also I got around to listening to the Black Rose One-shot and Lizzie was originally blonde??? ik her design was changed a lot during the campaign in general but I’m deciding to play around with that info—I’m thinking she started dying it after joining Shadowbeard’s crew

anyways thoughts I had about Ava/the Ferin’s while designing her (possible spoilers or maybe just incoherent rambling):

gave her a rifle bc I feel like she’d have sharpshooting capabilities on par with Drey, but a pistol just didn’t seem appropriate for her. but I also see her favoring close-range attacks so she also gets a big knife as a treat

I think it’s mentioned in an episode how Jay looks more like their mother, May, so personally I think Ava resembles Jayson much more with certain aspects (specifically height, nose shape, eye color, hair ‘style’— Jay got his more square-ish face shape and broad build; they both have the same eye shape)

expanding on that fiery hair ‘style’ thing— I’m thinking that’s smthn that just kinda comes with the Ferin abilities and I’m thinking those powers need to be unlocked in a way?? there’s no other reason I can think of as to why Jayson has the flaming hair and specific magic skills while Jay doesn’t, so I’m thinking Ava may have been more in-tune with/naturally drawn towards the Ferin magic (esp since we see her using that golden form during the animatic sequence in ep101) while Jay become more influenced by May’s magic (since I think she spent the most time with her esp after Ava’s death). maybe Jay and Drey suppress their Ferin abilities (Drey def intentionally, Jay maybe a bit unintentionally?) and it could kinda explain why Jay has special blood: she’s a mix of two [supposedly] powerful magical heritages

I also have this thought that Ava may have unlocked these powers earlier than most of the Ferin’s, resulting in a fate similar to Gillion’s where she was regarded with pride for this yet constantly pressured and trained into becoming a weapon for the Navy (perhaps by request of Grandma Fey, who seems to be a very controlling character and could be the reason Jayson acts so cold and ruthless). and when she failed to uphold their beliefs that’s when The Order was given (maybe they found out about her & Lizzie???)

BUT in comparison to Jayson who absorbed himself in his work, and Gillion who was forcibly separated from his family, Ava was able to visit home often and had May and Jay to lean on as a support system. that connection alone could’ve helped separate the brutality and violence of her work in the Navy from her actual personality—the one that she became admired for and the one Lizzie was drawn to. it could also be speculated that she had the same ideas as Kira and Jay: that she could make the Navy better from the inside (obv this would be more difficult if she was held to high expectations, but she could’ve been on her way to making it work)

speaking of Jay—I think I remember a moment where someone explains how Jayson didn’t want her to join the Navy at all, and I always thought this was odd considering how it was moreso pointed towards her rather than Ava (as well as the fact that the Ferin’s ostracize those who don’t join, like Drey). this would coincide with my theory that Ava was expected to join bc of ‘unlocking’ her powers early, so maybe Jayson didn’t want Jay joining due to the fact that she hadn’t tapped into her Ferin powers yet, but Jay being Jay decided to enlist anyways and eventually gained a different motivation for her involvement than the rest of the clan [thanks to Kira & Ava]. or there was another thing at play. idk kinda just throwing smthn at the wall with this one bc that little comment stood out to me and I can’t remember if it even happened lol

also do we think the whole ‘sun nightmare’ is like,,, a test to unlock those abilities?? we know Jay and Drey opted to jump into it which kinda resulted in some magic golden eye phenomena (which we’ve seen in action once by Drey), but the issue here is when Jay rejected the heat the first time it just resulted in pain. so what would’ve been the option that leads the Ferin bloodline to become so powerful? do they choose to combat the sun?? do they conjure up heat of their own until they overpower it??? so many questions

gaaahhh I can’t wait until they’re out of the Black Sea so we can delve into this more bc I’m tired of feelin like this:

[goooofy-goooober1121]

TWST Overblot Boys from a Development Perspective - Riddle Rosehearts

Currently in uni studying human development from a psychological/neurological/cognitive standpoint and lowkey I want to analyze TWST's overblot boys (and Kalim) using my super cool Education™

(Also my ask box is open so pls send me asks! My guidelines are on my page)

So let's get into it!

When we look at Riddle's character, we need to first consider the environment he has grown up in, his identity development, and neurology-- and what that means for his psychological and cognitive processes.

Part 1: His Environment

As observed during his Overblot, Riddle grew up in an authoritarian household. His Groom-for-a-Day/Suitor Suit lines also imply that his parents do not get along. Both can have extensive psychological and cognitive impacts on his development.

It would be easiest to begin with his early-to-mid childhood experiences. Mrs. Rosehearts was obviously an authoritarian mother: strict rules, very punitive, a "because I said so" attitude while putting extensive pressure on work and effort. This parenting style is heavily associated with socially incompetent behavior; children raised on this parenting style are likely to perpetuate this cycle and become perpetrators of bullying. This can pretty obviously be reflected in Riddle's behavior over the course of Book 1; he is strict, punitive, and controlling, often acting like a bully when someone violates the rules. Additionally, children from dysfunctional families may also develop poor emotional regulation skills (outbursts and withdrawing from others) along with insecure attachment styles and low self-image (perhaps evidenced by his seemingly overzealous insecurity over his own height, for instance).

But why does he mimic his mother's behavior when it made him feel so awful in the first place?

There's a theory in child psychology that comes from a guy named Albert Bandura. This social learning theory states that individuals learn their behaviors by watching and imitating others, especially when those behaviors are perceived as beneficial. Riddle's mother was a doctor, so he must have interpreted her actions as the key to success and prestige, even if, in the moment, it hurt him.

His mother taught him that strictness and harshness is the proper way to show care and concern; this is therefore the idea he carries with him about what love (platonic or romantic) should be.

He may have also been conditioned by his mother through punishment. Positive punishment occurs when the punishment is added, like how his mother would make him study for extra time if he didn't achieve as much as she wanted him to that day. She also utilized negative punishment by taking away Riddle's ability to go out and play with Trey and Chen'ya.

Punishment, of course, is not necessarily wrong; parents objectively need to punish their kids to discipline and raise them. However, the issue arises mainly when said punishment becomes too extreme.

This leads me to my next point: lack of play. Play is so, so important in a child's path to developing into a healthy person. Play has several benefits to a child's cognition, contributing largely to the development of perspective taking, empathy, flexibility, and emotional regulation. Being completely and totally restricted from playing with his friends as a child contributed to Riddle's current-day personality. His isolation and lack of interaction with his peers resulted in his hot-headed, inflexible, and socially inept (taking things too seriously, being obsessed with rules) behavior evidenced throughout Book 1.

Because of his mother's actions, Riddle is cognitively stunted and was led down an unhealthy path of psychological and cognitive development.

And don't even get me STARTED on how she must have impacted his relationship with food by hyperanalyzing every meal she gave him lol.

Part 2: Identity Development

Riddle is regarded in-game as 17 years old; that places him right at the end of middle adolescence (14-17 years old). Lots of crazy things happen during middle adolescence, particularly in terms of identity and brain development.

According to Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, Riddle would be in the Identity vs. Role Confusion stage of life. This is the "who am I ?" stage, spanning from about 13-21 years old. Adolescents spend this time attempting to find out who they are; when resolved successfully, individuals come out with a strong sense of self, but when resolved unsuccessfully, individuals can feel lost, lacking self-definition and direction.

Additionally, James Marcia introduced the four stages of identity development:

Foreclosure - commitment without exploration

Diffusion - no commitment, no exploration

Moratorium - no commitment, but with exploration

Achievement - commitments and explorations have been achieved

So when we look at Riddle, we can draw from both theories. Riddle arguably doesn't know who he is for himself. His entire life has centered on what his mother wants for him; prior to his Overblot, he was stuck in the stage of Identity Foreclosure, in which he was committed to being an authoritarian, well-achieved leader (as influenced by his mother) but had no time to explore his options for himself. Combined with his insecure attachment and his stunted cognitive development due to his childhood experiences, deviation from this script is, predictably, distressful for him; this contributes to his outbursts whenever his authority was questioned. Post-Overblot, however, we can see that he's easing up and accepting that his mother maybe isn't the best person to be around (wow who would've thought). He's moving into Identity Moratorium; he's beginning to explore his options while letting go of his previous commitment (which is ultimately better for him in the long run).

Part 3: Neurology

I think it's important to also point out his neurological processes, too. Not in a "I think he's neurodivergent" way but in a "what are his brain structures" way.

See, when we grow into teenagers, our prefrontal cortex (PFC) actually is still developing. It's the brain structure associated with reasoning, decision making, and self-control. Several clinical studies such as this one also note that the PFC is heavily involved in emotional regulation.

And when your limbic system, specifically your amygdala, which is responsible for the processing of emotion, matures BEFORE the part of the brain meant for emotional regulation does, it leads to a lot of emotional behaviors such as Riddle's proneness to anger, along with impulsive actions such as Riddle's immediate response always being to collar someone rather than stop and think about their reasons for breaking a rule. It's like sending out a level 100 Regirock (limbic system) out against a level 2 Caterpie (PFC) lol.

This will probably be a common thread in all the OB boys but I think it's important to note how Riddle's neurological development affects his behavior.

IN CONCLUSION

Riddle's mom sucks

Riddle most likely has an insecure attachment style

Riddle is likely going through an identity crisis

He's a teenage boy going through teenage boy things (exacerbated by an unhealthy/emotionally abusive childhood)

[edmcmayonnaise]

Months ago, I wrote "biographies" for Edwin and Simon in the style of the Edwardian (Third Edition published in 1915) study on "Sexual Inversion" (medical phrasing that pre-dates the term "homosexuality") in the style of Studies in the Psychology of Sex by Havelock Ellis. This book can be found for free online and is a treasure trove due to the collection of biographies written by queer people.

Maybe against my better judgment, I will share them now for Simon Appreciation Week, as they capture to some extent how I perceive their interpersonal dynamics.

HISTORY E.P. - English, student at public boarding school, aged 16. His father, who comes from an unremarkable middle class lineage, is a physician. His father has been deployed to France since 1914 for wartime service. His mother’s family has a history notable for hysteria in his maternal grandmother, and his mother he describes as a high-strung and nervous woman who herself has been intermittently institutionalized for afflictions of mood. 

He has no siblings, and describes the relationship with his parents as distant. He lived most of his early childhood life in the care of a nanny. At age seven, was sent away to boarding school. 

He has never been attracted to girls or women, though had minimal contact with girls his age, He takes little interest in women or in their society. There is nothing markedly feminine in his general appearance, but he does believe that his general kinesthetic disposition is not viewed by others as manly. Specifically, he says that he is concerned that the animated way in which his hands is too recognizable as a symptom of what he considers to be his congenital condition. 

He is of average height and medium-slim build, but generally normatively developed and healthy. He considers himself to lack skill in athletic pursuits with the exception of fencing, but is an omnivorous reader and excels in academics. 

In his own words:

“I have always been very shy of showing any affectionate tendencies. Most of my acquaintances (and close friends, even) find me curiously cold. For obvious reasons I have been unable to speak as to why this is. I fear being cruelly misunderstood, and I have at times felt as if wrestling in the folds of the morally reprehensible python of inversion.

"I find myself cut off from others, feel myself to be an outcast, and, amongst others my age, am intensely withdrawn. Privately, I am miserable. The desire to love and be loved is hard to drown, especially when treading through a veritable pool of ‘what-ifs’ as I am surrounded by male virality in all aspects of my life at school.

“I am not sure entirely what it is for which I am longing. Certainly, my parents neglected to impart to me any sort of knowledge of the adult modus vivendi. The only thing I do know with confidence is that no bodily satisfaction should be sought at the cost of another person’s distress or degradation, including my own.

“At my school, I have heard rumor, and in fact been the subject of rumor, regarding attachments and gratifications with other boys, which are all untrue. As with any topic that is discussed only behind cupped hands and in whispers, the stories become more and more fantastical as they are shared from schoolmate to schoolmate. Upon my truest promise, I have never yielded to the temptation of any sort of intercrural connection. I have preserved strict chastity. I do not know how long my mind can hold back the instincts of my heart and body, but I am terrified that I will soon lose this seemingly never ending battle.”

Shortly after E.P. submitted his history for publication in this book, it was reported that he and several other boys at his school went missing in what the school is calling an Act of God. Any additional information about what may have happened to this youth and his friends is not forthcoming at this time. 

~

HISTORY S.M. - English, student at a public boarding school, aged 17. Father and mother both living; the latter is of a better social standing than the former. He is much attached to his mother, and she gives him some sympathy and companionship, when he is at home. He is the third of four siblings, all boys, and he suspects that his next elder brother is also inverted.

In early life, S.M. was of delicate constitution and his studies were often interrupted by illness. Though living under mostly happy conditions he was shy and nervous, often depressed. This he attributes to having been on several occasions mishandled by his next elder brother; concedes that his brother is prone to foul and violent moods. However, his brother is well-liked, by his father and other siblings, he says, because of his masculine character. His brother has many friends at school. Though S.M. does report that he does have some influence over some of his classmates, he has few close friends.

Of his inversion, he reports the following:

“There is a boy in my year who has become the absorbing thought of my school days, and who comes to me in my dreams almost nightly. I have absolutely no words to tell you how powerfully his beauty affects me. He is well-formed, lean, shy, and in my dream he sits beside me, allowing our legs to touch and for me to caress his thigh. He looks at me with desire in his eyes, green, but clouded over dark with his want for me to kiss him. And I do want to kiss him– on his wrist, and his palm, and into the gentle, milky curve of his neck, and to leave my lover’s mark on him, to say to anyone who might pursue him that he is mine and mine only. 

“I keep my feelings hidden, however, hardly daring to look at him for fear of being found out. His bed is next to mine, and the rest of the dormitory is boisterous and lewd, and there is a good deal of bullying, which I cannot bear to have directed my way.

“I have tried to tell myself that these dreams are not due to a moral failing of my own, but indeed this boy’s own influence upon me. I love him and I resent him. His seeming indifference towards my existence, as he has never responded well when I have plucked up my courage to speak with him, angers me. I want him to look towards me and love me, too.”

S.M. was involved in the same incident as E.P.,  where he and several other boys went missing from their school. It is reported that their last known whereabouts were their school dormitory rooms.

[dancingontheblades]

Why does JJ freak out in the Grand Prix Final?

(I never thought I’d write a JJ meta, but here we are)

Breaking down under pressure can happen to everyone if the mental load becomes too much. And to JJ, his first Grand Prix Final without his greatest rival Viktor, almost turns into such a disaster. In this post, I discuss the events leading to his breakdown and explain why even experienced skaters aren’t immune to that.

With six qualifying competitions and one final round with the six best skaters, the Grand Prix of figure skating has the vibe of a deathmatch that takes a toll on the athletes. Athletes that have advanced to the final round are exposed to a heightened pressure that can result in some of them losing their nerve. Being the bronze medallist of last season’s Grand Prix Final, one would expect JJ to be familiar with the situation.

However, there’s a huge difference to last season.

Viktor has been dominating the men’s field for many seasons. In Sochi, he won his fifth Grand Prix Final gold medal. It was a well-known fact inside the skating community that no skater could get past him without breaking their bodies. In YOI, Viktor has cemented his reign with a sublime combination of technical skill and artistry, subjecting every top male skater to the reality losing to him until he retires.

But then he hung up his skates to become a coach.

Suddenly, the door to top is open. Everyone’s motivation suddenly spikes up. Everyone is vying for Viktor’s title. Most of all Yurio, Chris, Yuuri—and JJ.

JJ’s mindset is defined by his ego which is bigger than the egos of all his rivals combined. As his inner monologue in episode 9 reveals, he regards himself as a king and the rightful heir to Viktor’s throne. Of all the skaters, he’s the one with the least respect for Viktor, not that he respects the other skaters, but whereas Yuris, Chris, and Yuuri regard Viktor as a rival, JJ looks down on him.

In addition to that, JJ is the only skater who won both qualifying events and thus goes into the final as the top contender for the title. Suddenly, dethroning Viktor has turned from a wet dream into a real and likely possibility. Add his own expectations to the expectations of fans and press and you get crushing pressure. However, not even JJ is immune to pressure.

Considering JJ’s age (19), he can’t have competed at the Grand Prix Series very often. Depending on at which age he had his senior debut at the renowned competition and his development (growth spurts, skating skills etc.), he competed in the Grand Prix Final between one and four times before Barcelona.

Since Viktor is struggling with his memory when he introduces the finalists in episode 10, it is possible that Sochi was JJ’s first GPF. However, it could also be a hint that the Canadian isn’t particularly memorable to Viktor. But if my guess is correct, JJ likely approached his first GPF with innocent fearlessness because he is the type who would do that. It’s JJ style.

One year later, JJ enters the GPF knowing how tough the event is and that makes him vulnerable and prone to lose his nerve, especially since he is going into the event as the favourite and in the absence of his greatest rival, ready to take Viktor’s throne for himself. Ironically, that’s JJ style, too.

The Grand Prix Final is a tough competition because the fact that only six skaters per discipline can enter the final round creates pressure and stakes. Unlike in a big event like Worlds or the Olympics, the judges aren’t already tired from assessing twenty skaters or more and have a very keen eye on every athlete, which is often reflected in stricter scores and mistakes being punished harder, especially if the skaters are equal in skill.

Confidence is an important ingredient for building resilience against pressure. Skaters who break in competition often struggle with mental health issues or lack self-esteem. Some cover it up, others wear their heart on their sleeve. There are famous examples in real-life figure skating such as Kevin Aymoz or Amber Glenn who has been open about her past struggles. JJ faltering under pressure might be a sign that his confidence is an act and that he covers his shortcomings up with arrogance.

[sarasa-cat]

@sepdet / @auronlu (tagged you on both bc not sure which is your main account or how tumblr even works anymore 😅)

Annie Stegg Gerard has a patreon in which she goes into deep detail on her materials and process. Links to annie's socials, including her patreon are near the bottom of this page: https://www.gallerygerard.com/about

Figured it might interest you.

The one thing to keep in mind is that she works out the vast majority of not composition and details in a grisaille underlayer that is usually on top of a detailed drawing applied to her painting surface. Thus her painting techniques are an extension of classical drawing skills rather than, say, direct painting** where you start off by getting your big shapes and their overarching values+hues before returning into them to add more detail.

Obviously, there are pros and cons to this method. The pro (from my point of view, but ymmv) is that the vast majority of painting is fully worked out at the drawing stage, well before a single tube of raw umber (or equivalent) has been opened. From there on in, it is just a matter of developing that drawing to first establish the value range and the highlighted details, and THEN to create layers of atmosphere via glazes that you directly paint into with a 00 brush, rinse wash repeat, until you feel satisfied.

The cons are, as you know, glazes dry slowly in oils (although smart choices of pigments make it go slightly faster). But the other "con" is that unlike direct painting, there is far less opportunity to correct your underlying forms as you go. For many art students trained in recent decades, that can be a big problem because her style requires a high level of classical drawing skills which requires a specific form of education given that she actually DRAWS with paint and then glazes over it, and does this repeatedly.

That said:

1. If you are interested in glazing but less in drawing with oil paint, you can still learn a lot about glazing on her patreon. She is very thorough regarding why she selects certain pigments, etc.

-or-

2. If you are interested in applying lessons from classical styles of drawing, you can start off by working out your drawing digitally and/or on paper, and continuously correct it until it is *just* what you want. Then transfer your drawing to your painting surface while correcting and improving it. Then slowly improve it more during your first layer of grisaille -- just use raw umber and nothing else (no solvent, no added medium), and get those tiny little rubber shapers plus q-tips and a rag as your erasing tools (in a pinch, I used to use a kneeded gum eraser). You'll have a 2-3 hours of open time with straight-from-the-tube raw umber applied thinly which is ample time to refine your drawing further while creating a simplistic value structure. If you need to spend a lot of time perfecting your underdrawing during this phase, just work piecemeal, as tiny as needed, rather than attack a 2x3 foot surface* in one go! It is alllll about craftsmanship rather than artistry, tbh. Anyhow, one you finish that, you'll have the bones of the painting, and from there on in it is all a matter of establishing values, glaze down, while glaze is still wet use it as a "couch" to paint in detail and bring values back up; rinse, wash, repeat.

(* annie works pretty small btw; I think 2x3 feet would be LARGE for her)

(**that said, she does occasionally do direct painting, which is typical way oil painting has been taught for the past few generations, and it is interesting to see how she approaches direct painting because she has been heavily influenced by the style she normally works in).

It should go without saying but doing a style similar to annie's usually requires working on harder surface rather than canvas, especially if working small. Wood, copper, or dibond. You need that surface VERY well gessoed and you need to sand each layer of gesso very very smooth. Especially if this is a smaller painting (or a massive painting with lots of microscopic detail). In a hurry, I can prep a surface in a day (with a hair dryer on low). But my pref is to take 4 days. Gesso. Come back tomorrow and sand smooth, add new coat of gesso. Etc. 4 layers.

This technique is impossible on those pre-stretched canvases sold at art stores. If you really love canvas, you need to stretch your own using the finest weave of oil-primed linen and stretch it so damn tight it plays like a drum. Otherwise the surface is too bumpy (e.g., cotton) and too wobbly. Frankly, too much of a PITA for me. It takes a lot of hand-strength and can be a two person job depending on the size). Also, it can be too bulky as I used to work medium large (closing in on life sized figure in environment). I just went with cradled wood panels or, when very large, dibond aluminum panels which are used by sign makers (far more finicky as it rejects the first layer of oil even after 4-5 coats of gesso).

[agentnico]

Freaky Tales (2025) review

This was truly ‘Captain’ marvellous!

Plot: An NBA star, a corrupt cop, a female rap duo, teenage punks, neo-Nazis and a debt collector embark on a collision course in 1987 Oakland, Calif. This four-part anthology is a tribute to Oakland, Calif., to the historic Grand Lake Theatre, to rapper Too $hort, whose song “Freaky Tales” gives the movie its title. It revisits the punk bars and hip-hop clubs of the creative team’s East Bay youth, perhaps as they never truly were but as they remembers them.

It seems this is the year Hollywood directors cash in their Marvel-earned pay checks to create something truly wild and unexpected. Black Panther’s Ryan Coogler poured his love and heart for his culture, music and passion of filmmaking to deliver the vampiric thriller Sinners - a movie that revels in its confidence to do something nuanced yet so straightforwardly engaging. Now directing duo Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck (who’s MCU credit belongs to Captain Marvel) return to their indie roots with their grungy homage to exploitation flicks Freaky Tales.

With its VHS bargain-bin aesthetic and Kill Bill-style gory revenge sprees, it is very evident that Boden and Fleck are fully inspired by the works and mindsets of Quentin Tarantino, Alex Cox, Jim Jarmusch, David Cronenberg, Bruce Lee and even to an extent David Lynch, in that there is a Twin Peaks-level parallel reality of late-80s Oakland, in which residents are able to channel a glowing green cosmic energy and develop mysterious skills, such as a basketball player becoming a martial arts master. But the aspect of Freaky Tales that really works for it is that it never feels like it is stealing or copying from its predecessors, but more so paying respect to the grind house schlock genre that was so popular back in the 80s/90s. This is a very personal film for the two directors, as it’s very much them showcasing what inspired them to want to start making movies, so much so that the film features one of the best surprise cameos ever from a quintessential 80s actor who works in a video rental store being obsessed with the best underdog movies. As a cinephile myself I could have easily enjoyed that scene to go on for another 20/30 minutes and it would have been wonderful.

There are a number of really strong acting performances that deserve praise, especially in a film that has many excellent turns. Pedro Pascal is captivating, as per usual, bringing an unspoken vulnerability to the violent, but moral Clint. Jay Ellis is phenomenal as Sleepy Floyd, although to say much more would ruin one of the most unexpected and incredibly fun parts of the movie. Dominique Thorne and Normani (of Fifth Harmony fame) are both excellent as the musical act Danger Zone. However, perhaps the most outstanding performance comes from the ever-reliable Ben Mendelsohn, who shockingly plays the big bad in Freaky Tales (a perfect bit of casting). Mendelsohn in that way is similar to Mads Mikkelsen - the two look like bad guys and play bad guys really well.

In regards to negatives, my only gripe would be the interconnectivity of the four chapters, with certain ones feeling underdeveloped compared to others. Chapter 2 surrounding a hip hop rap battle, though highly enjoyable, had hardly any impact on the overarching story of the film other than a quick passing run in with one of the Nazis. That being said, as a whole Freaky Tales is wonderfully stylish, gory, and most importantly funny. It’s not for everyone, as I can already imagine many mainstream audiences complaining about this one being an example of style over substance, however if you are someone who loved the 80s VHS B-movies you’d find at your local Blockbuster then this ones for you. Oh, and of course for Pedro Pascal super fans this ones a must. I expect a few girls will cry out in the cinema when Pedro lifts his shirt to reveal four inches of his back.

Overall score: 7/10

[airrec]

will you ever make janitor ai or character ai bots out of any of the characters from your fanfics? if not.. can people make them? (please i’m dying to make a Dream Blob au bot i’m on my hands and knees begging here)

In short: no. Please, please, please do not.

In long: please do not feed my fics or posts to A.I. To do so would be actively against my wishes, and even the thought of it is upsetting and angering to me.

A.I. has a lot of potential to do good – in the medical field, in the sciences, etc. There is nuance to the subject of A.I. in general. Regarding specifically A.I. art, the technology is not yet advanced enough to be used as a tool in the way that a tool is meant to be used – it is not a brush you can download, or a digital model you can pose. It is “trained” through being fed lots and lots of real, human-created pieces of art, and copying that art.

It does not learn how to use specific brush strokes, or specific colours, or how or why certain details are included or left out. It is wholesale lifting from what it is fed and mashing it together into new configurations, Frankenstein style – there is nothing creative about it. Similarly, when fed fictional writing, it does the same: it copies and pastes common tropes, common story beats, common plots, common phrasings – there is nothing of creativity in there at all.

There are currently no legal protections for artists of any kind against A.I. algorithms; the technology is still too new, and already it is causing harm. Even just on the practical side, the environmental impacts of the excessive electricity usage needed to run the A.I. is immense.

A.I. generated art is theft, pure and simple. It cannot be currently described as anything other than that. And creative writing is a form of art. A book that you pick up in an airport, or a fanfic you open in a tab on your phone, or a well-thumbed novel you found on a shelf in a café – these are pieces of art. Perhaps you do not think of them that way, in the same way you might look at a painting and say, “Yes, that is a piece of art,” but they are.

I was talking to a friend of mine some time ago, and they said (and I agreed) that writing is often devalued as a form of art, because the idea that “anyone can write a book” is so pervasive. And, yes, anyone can write a book – or anyone can write letters onto a page in a specific order. In much the same way, anyone can draw a picture, or paint a mural. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t a creative process involved, and it doesn’t mean that there isn’t the development of skills and immense amounts of knowledge and experience going into story-crafting as much as there is visual arts. Quite frankly, anyone who says, “Oh, anyone can write a book,” has almost certainly never actually tried to write a book themselves.

My friend went on to say that very often books are considered objects, just things, not pieces of art that have been handcrafted just for you, just for someone to pick up and immerse themselves in and enjoy. In much the same way, fanfic has also become a commodity – perhaps even more so, because its content is based on a pre-existing canon that does not belong to the writer. But fanfiction is still art, in much the same way that fanart is still art, and the devaluation of it and its creators is upsetting and frustrating.

I am not a machine. I do not press some buttons, pull some levers, and start outputting fanfic. This is something I do for fun, because I enjoy it. It is something I post online because I want other people to come enjoy it, too, and for it to be an expression of art meant as a part of a fan community’s expression of love for a canon. That is what being a fan is all about.

I am a real human being, and I don’t deserve to have my art stolen from me, fed to a shambling corpse spouting out things it has “learnt” from both my art and from every other piece of art that has been stolen to feed it. Anything it would say – that would not be my story, because it doesn’t come from me. It would just be an amalgamation of thousands of people’s stories, cut down into something mainstream and palatable because the point of so-called A.I. art is not to create unique and interesting stories – it is to create generic ones that will sell easily under the model of late stage capitalism.

You know, I got the email notification for this ask last night. I have my email notifs on because I spent so long being shadow-banned on this blog, and I fear missing things in my inbox. I checked my phone in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep, and while I was reading the ask I could hear my mother breathing in her sleep just nearby – we’re in a caravan together, because it’s been a while since I went away with my parents. I am typing this answer up from that same caravan, and I’m squinting a little because the sun is reflecting off my screen. We’re going to have a barbecue later for dinner – we just bought the food for it not three hours ago. Did you think of that? Did you think about the way that I am a person, living my own life, and now I am being forced to beg for you to respect me as one?

Because that’s what you would be doing, if you did this: you would commodify me, and you would commodify my art. It would be just another machine-made thing, not something that’s handmade for others’ enjoyment; not something that work – my time, my energy – has gone into, that my passion and love has gone into. But I am not a thing, and I resent being implicitly treated like one.

If you really want to know more about people’s fanfics – talk to them! Leave a comment, send in an ask, engage with them in some way. Fanfic is created by fans for the enjoyment of other fans, and fan communities are still communities, which means there is a social element to them. Stealing from others, as one might expect, is frowned upon greatly – they gave that to you, for free. You pay nothing for it – and shouldn’t – and now you want to plagiarise and thieve what was shown in good faith?

I suppose that, ultimately, if you were truly determined, there is nothing that I can do to stop you. You could copy/paste my works into your A.I. bot creator and go on your merry way, despite how I’ve told you that such would make me extremely upset, and that it isn’t something I want. I can say, “I forbid you to do this,” - and make no mistake I do forbid you – and ultimately I have no power to actually stop you, because there is no law in place to prevent you from doing exactly as you please.

I can do nothing to stop you except this: I am asking you not to. Please.

[maidsidney]

What advice would you give to girls wanting to become as good of a maid as you? What skills should we learn and practice? How could we get more accustomed to our station in life? Is there anything to do to get ourselves ready for giving up hobbies/social life/etc to serve? Thanks in advance!

In addtion to learning to properly clean everything, and do laundry I recomend you focus on servce oriented skills. Learn to give messages, style hair, do make-up, manicure's and pedicures. cook an prepare cocktails, learn to sew. Develope skills that make your superior's life come comefortable and convieniant. Learn and practice your curtsey until it is automatic and gracefull. Learn to handle a serviing tray. Learn to stand quitely without fidigeting so you are imeaditily avalable with out being an intrusion. Streach and or do yoga to become more fleaxable, build cardio to help you be prepared to work long hours. Learn to service and pleasure both men and women and practice those skills daily. In regards to the sacrifices you will have to make again give up hobbies that do not benefit others. You may enjoy playing video games or going to concerts but do those activies benefit superior. Instead of the normal social activities you do try volenteering instead. Your mind set should always be, How may I better serve those who are my superior!

[kotaromita]

OOC Lore Post: KOTARO'S FRIENDS

After talking about them quite a bit here and there as Kotaro, I figured now would be a good time to do a big info-dump about my two Project Sekai OCs that server as Kotaro's friends and musical collaborators. "Kotaro's Friend" is a canon character who has 2 lines spoken to Akito regarding how Kotaro got into music, so I decided that was enough information for me to take it and run and make individuals based on it.

Introducing, Minoru Saiki and Kazuki Shimabokuro.

I'll start with Kazuki.

Kazuki Shimabokuro

2nd year, online student (17 yrs old)

170 cm tall

Born February 20th (Pisces)

An online musician who goes by the name “Kazukur0.” He makes chaotic and inconsistent music that can be described as “breakcore” or “alternative.” He utilizes Virtual Singers because he is self conscious of his nasally voice. He’s socially awkward and has a tendency to ramble on and on when given the leeway to. His younger sister creates his song cover images to post online. He has William’s syndrome.

He suffered a lot in junior high in a fashion not unlike Mizuki and Rui, which is why he does online school now that he's in high school. He has severe stage fright and admires Kotaro's bravery to perform solo a lot. He longs to be heard and admired but until he can overcome his social anxiety he will use Kotaro as both his muse and vessel.

Hobbies: Mimicking Western fashion trends, singing

Specialties: Making electronic music utilizing sound effects and the Kagamine duo’s vocals

Dislikes: Quiet

Favorite food: Takoyaki

Least favorite food: Kimchi

and through Kazuki, Kotaro meets...

Minoru Saiki

Graduate, unspecified university (19 years old)

178 cm tall

Born November 29th (Sagittarius)

A professional musician who prides himself on his ability to mimic the musical stylings of any musician exactly. He is mostly hired for classical music performances and cover bands but he is able to play most instruments and learns songs very quickly. Because of his capabilities his nickname among peers is “Shapeshifter.” He is unwilling to compromise when it comes to music. He has Jacob’s syndrome.

Due to dedicating himself to perfect recreations, he has left little room for himself to develop his own style and even his own personality. He has a makings of a talented composer but he never takes credit for anything original he creates as he doesn't want to risk being associated with something "imperfect."

Hobbies: Challenging his skills by learning incredibly difficult songs

Specialties: Translating songs from instrument to instrument

Dislikes: Change, being disagreed with

Favorite food: Fried tofu

Least favorite food: Tuna

Kazuki meets Kotaro first. Kazuki is Kotaro's fan! He didn't see RAD WEEKEND, akin to Toya and Kohane, but he's always found solace in music and came to love Kotaro and his independence and individuality rivaling his own.

He offers up his "services" making "beats" to Kotaro, who sheepishly accepts, unaccustomed to being spoken to with any sort of admiration. Rather quickly they become friends. Kotaro picks up on Kazuki's discomfort with crowds and comes to care about him in a way similar to that of an older sibling.

That's when Minoru encounters them. Minoru seeks out Kazuki, knowing him solely as his online alias. As Minoru's only pastime is dissecting music pieces. A friend of his (shockingly, Souma Miyata) oftentimes challenges him with pieces he thinks would be exceptionally difficult to recreate. Through Kotaro Arata learns of Kazuki and through Arata Souma learns of him too. Thus, he shares kazukur0 with Minoru and says "Try recreating this!"

Minoru listens to Kazuki’s music over and over again, struggling to comprehend it. He’s frustrated but excited as he can’t remember the last time he felt challenged. He tries for days on end and for the life of him he cannot make an exact recreation of Kazuki and Kotaro's music. Minoru seeks Kazuki out and insists he observe Kazuki’s work process so he can understand how it was possible for someone to make such hypothetically bad music sound good. He has to find Kazuki and he has to understand how his brain works so he can mimic him as identically as he can every other musician.

Kazuki hates this! Frankly, he hates everything about the way Minoru treats music. They're complete opposites in every way. And yet, they both massively admire one another as musicians.

Both of them quite like Kotaro. Kazuki adores Kotaro, in the way a fan loves their bias and in a way a little sibling loves their elder. Minoru respects Kotaro for all that he's endured as a musician and his willingness to suffer in the quest to better himself.

Even though Minoru admires Kazuki in his own strange way, they have massive creative differences. During rehearsals Kazuki changes things and improvises sporadically, making each performance vary slightly. Minoru dislikes it, insisting Kazuki play the song the way it was “intended to be.” Kazuki gives in but Kotaro steps in, forcing them to agree to explore their options. When Kazuki performs the song without any personal touches, Minoru does recognize that somehow it feels as though something is missing.

As a trio, they're all forced to face the parts of themselves they try to ignore looking them dead in the face. Kazuki has to decide if he's truly satisfied being an accessory to Kotaro rather than truly being his partner and working side by side with him instead of insisting he work for him, that he isn't worthy of being seen as his equal. Minoru has to address the fact that he has no sense of identity and that despite his insistence on always working solo that all of his performing up until now has always hinged on being someone he isn't. And Kotaro, of course, has to face his persistent struggles with self worth and feeling that it's okay to "burden" others by asking for help.

They end up all in a sort of friendship-colleagues situation. Kotaro calls them his friends, Minoru calls them his colleagues, and Kazuki calls him his allies.

Here's sort of what a relationship chart between the three would look like!

Minoru → Kotaro: I admire your drive and willingness to follow advice and experiement. You're so far from perfect, and yet…I don't particularly hate it. [Calls him Mita.] Minoru → Kazuki: You're difficult to get along with and understand, but I admire you and you've fundamentally changed how I view music. [Calls him Kazukuro.]

Kazuki → Kotaro: MITA-SENPAI! ♡ I'm your biggest fan, forever! It's an honor to collab with you, so you can rely on me whenever! I just sort of wish I had the guts to stand on stage like you. Kazuki → Minoru: You piss me off so much! Your music is so good, but there's no YOU in it. How can I understand YOU when you keep saying these conflicting things!? You don't have to keep pretending to be perfect around us… [Calls him Saiki-senpai or Shapeshifter-senpai.]

Kotaro → Kazuki: You've always got my back and I've always got yours! Let's keep working together for a long time. My 2nd little brother. [Calls him Kazuki.] Kotaro → Minoru: You're a pain in the ass, but God are you talented. There's a lot I could learn from you…and a lot you could stand to learn from Vivid Street! [Calls him Saiki.]

thank you for coming to my ted talk please support kotaro mita and his two fuck ass mentally ill friends

[boxboxblog]

Rivals: Jack Brabham v Stirling Moss

Alright, this is part of my series on F1 rivalries throughout history. Enjoy!

(Moss on the left, Brabham on the right)

So, sticking with the more classic era, I wanted to discuss the Brabham and Moss rivalry of the 50s and 60s. This rivalry, like many later, would be a result of differing driving styles, methods, and philosophies, but above all else an almost equal level of skill that led the two to be each others main competitors.

These two drivers knew each other before they entered F1, crossing paths multiple times in other motorsport series. Brabham, from Australia, was a methodical, collected, and engineering-driven driver, who played a massive part in the development of F1 cars. His personality was also the more reserved one, being quietly determined for most of his career. Moss, an Brit, on the other hand was regarded as the most naturally gifted of his generation. He was confident, aggressive, instinctive, and had a rather flamboyant personality.

(Moss taking a swig of a drink with his arm around Brabham)

Straight away you can see the heavy contrast between them. But how did it start? Well, in the late 1950s these two were at the top of the field. They had been competing for years at this point, but it wasn't until 1959 that they truly fought for the title. This was also a big technological shift in F1, which added to the complexity of the season. Brabham's consistency throughout the season would win him the title, but Moss put in some fantastic races and wins, memorably a brilliant Monaco GP. But when Moss had to retire form the US GP due to mechanical failure, the title was Brabham's.

(1960, Brabham leads with Moss behind)

The rivalry continued in 1960, and although Brabham dominated (winning five races) he had to battle Moss the entire way. Their contrasting fortunes was a big part of this year, as Brabham seemed on top of the world but Moss continued to suffer more mechanical problems with his car. It seemed like this rivalry was destined to remain this way, as Moss' car continuously showed as a lesser one compared to Brabham. This did not stop Moss from fighting for wins, which displays his incredible skill.

(Brabham in 1961)

1961 and 1962 were much the same, but 1962 saw Brabham found his own F1 team, Brabham Racing. In this he took a much more engineering side to F1, while still driving. 1962 also saw Moss get into a near fatal crash, which marked the end of his F1 career.

(Moss whispering in Brabham's ear, allegedly with advice, right before a 1963 race)

Throughout all of this the two drivers had the utmost respect for the other, much like Ascari and Fangio. They openly admired each other and had a strong understanding of how the other driver operated. Moss often praised Brabham's technical prowess, and Brabham lauded Moss' natural skills, saying he was often the fastest driver on the grid. Beyond that, they were also good friends. Brabham went down as one of the greatest technical drivers in F1 history, and Moss as one of the greatest who never won a championship.

They left behind a legacy of technical innovation (Brabham), but also a rise in the prominence of natural talent (Moss). Much like Fangio and Ascari they also created a tradition of opposite style drivers being rivals, and a strong mutual respect that still translates to many modern F1 rivalries.

(Moss and Brabham in 2008)

Alright, that is a quick look at the Brabham v Moss rivalry. Just a note, during this time both drivers were also considered rivals of Juan Manuel Fangio, so just remember that most drivers are heavily connected, and had multiple rivals. I just focus on certain pairings that are particularly memorable and impactful as rivals.

Cheers,

-B

[quaddmgd]

Yori of the Turks

Since I mentioned her in part 3, before properly introducing her in part 4 of my Claudia x Aya series, I figured Yori deserves a dedicated post shining some light on her personality and some story behind her. After all, while she doesn't have a satisfying amount of lore, she has gotten enough development to be somewhat of another FF7 OC of mine, even if so far she has only served her role as a plot device.

As always, you can expect it to be more of a blog post than an actual character introduction. It really helps to read my ff7 fics (at least part 4 of the series) but it's not required.

It all started back when I launched Freedom Wars to create Aya. In the game each Sinner, including the player character, has a dedicated Accessory - someone to assist them and, most importantly, supervise them during monster hunting. Since it's someone Sinners almost never get separated from, you're supposed to design your own accessory's appearance.

That's how Yori came to be - at first just her looks, some time later I came up with a name for her. Just like Aya, Yori is a japanese name, fitting the game she's from. It translates to “reliable,” “harmony,” “peace,” or “concord” which, just like its origin, fits Freedom Wars and the role of accessories perfectly.

That's how she looks and that's how I described her in my fic:

But enough of Freedom Wars and back to FF7.

Practically since the beginning of my journey to save Claudia, I knew that it meant that I had to come up with a reasonable path for both her and Aya from Nibelheim to their future together. I had the whole Nibelheim Incident stuff roughly planned out, just like their wedding, but I had no idea about what was supposed to happen between those events - how they were supposed to get there.

For a few reasons it felt a bit illogical for Aya to not come back to Midgar, at least for a while. Not only they both would end up without a place to physically recover, on top of coping with what happened, but leaving her hometown behind, without tying any loose ends or trying to find Cloud, especially knowing how Claudia is, was out of the question.

Since Cloud should be the focus for both women during their time in Midgar, I figured that Aya could use someone on the inside to counter potential Crisis Core-style reports about Zack's, Cloud's and Sephiroth's deaths. That someone could be a friendly Turk - someone not too close to her (since she herself had told Claudia that she was largely lonely in Midgar) but someone she could have been regularly eating lunch with, for example; still someone experienced and with access to classified information, someone fitting my vision of Yori.

I wrote a few drafts of their conversations after finishing part 2, all of them including Aya spacing out and suffering through the Nibelheim flashback. That's when Yori's reserved, stone-cold on the outside personality came to be. As for the events, nothing really clicked before I started talking about it with my wife and we both came up with the night meeting scenario that ended up being realized in part 4.

As for her personality, she was giving off the vibes of someone keeping things to herself and never letting out more than needed; someone looking like they're great at their job, but maybe lacking in social skills, as seen in her mannerisms, [her lack of] facial expressions, her laconic reactions and really dry final goodbyes with Aya. In that regard, she kinda reminds me of Thalia - my cbp77 oc.

I intentionally wrote her to be impossible to tell, even by a friend of hers, what's exactly on her mind at the specific moment or what's the nature of her affection for Aya. At the very least I imagine Yori as someone who has really gotten to see a friend in her during their time at Shinra, though it feels like it could also work as an unrequited love kind of thing - I simply don't see Yori making advances towards her lesbian crush. That's how my wife noticeably sees their relationship btw.

Aside from all of that, not much is really known about Yori, since I was mostly focused on her personality rather than the backstory. She's a Turk and she's damn good at her job. You can expect her to appear in most of the important operations due to her great track record in just taking care of whatever requires it at the moment.

She was in Junon during Hollander's escape, she probably was monitoring Aerith at some point, she was providing assistance in Midgar during the Meteorfall and she definitely was looking for Cloud (and Sephiroth) during FF7's events. It only makes sense for Cloud to learn that his mom is alive through her, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

And that's largely it for now, I think...

All in all, Yori is important not only because of her information on Cloud and Zack, but also getting Aya and Claudia back to safety, possibly ensuring their survival, as implied at the end of part 4. I'd like to expand on her, give her some lore and have more fun with her personality. My wife also wants to give her a girlfriend, so that's another thing for me to look forward to.

What's funny is that my wife has really come to like Yori (which I was kinda hoping for). Actually, they got really excited when I told them that I was gonna post about her today. I asked why and got "Because I like her," as a response. I replied with "You didn't get too much of her, though," and got left with "You didn't get too much Claudia either..." and I guess it put some things into perspective, because

i really like cloud's mom

[plusultragamer]

I've been thinking of ideas for a hypothetical reboot of Ash and Pikachu's journey focusing on the Original Series, and one of them is adding a Johto Trainer to the main cast for the GS chapter with a subplot involving the Pokéathlon from Pokémon HeartGold & SoulSilver, similar to the Pokémon Contest subplots from the Advanced Generation and Diamond & Pearl series.

I haven't decided on the Trainer yet, but I got three possible candidates for the role.

I know that Ash and Lyra didn't meet until Sinnoh, but as long as I'm including elements from HGSS into the GS chapter, I may as well add her into the mix. Ash has traveled with female player characters who also appear as NPCs if unchosen in Hoenn (May), Sinnoh (Dawn) and Kalos (Serena), so Lyra would be no different other than participating in athletic competitions instead of being stereotyped into Contests or its sexist knockoff.

Lyra does have her own Chikorita, but maybe I can justify both her and Ash having one if one of them fully evolves while the other one doesn't. But then again, there might be a risk of having too many Chikorita users if Casey and Jackson/Vincent stay. If I add her friend Khoury into the mix as a recurring character, then this would also mean more time to properly develop their relationship if I decide to pair them up.

Casey has been compared to Ash in his early days of Pokémon training, albeit with different styles of training and different tastes in Pokémon, so by adding Casey to the main cast, Ash could serve as a mentor to her throughout the GS chapter. And given that she's a fan of a sport as well as her sporty outfit, I don't think she would be out of place in athletic competitions like the Pokéathlon.

Alternatively she could act as a recurring rival not only as a Trainer, but also as a Pokéathlete. Either way, she deserved better in the Original Series so this would be a good way to remedy it. The same applies to the final candidate.

With the Kimono Girls appearing outside the dance theater in HGSS, it only makes sense for Sakura to meet Ash's group earlier in Johto. What inspired the idea of her being a Pokéathlete was the fact that one of the Kimono Girls, Kuni (Sumomo/Komomo), was one of the Pokéathlon participants at the Pokéathlon Dome in the Johto remakes, specifically the Skill Course in the Supreme Cup.

The mentor thing I mentioned regarding Ash and Casey would also apply to Sakura in addition to spending more time with Misty. The only caveat with this one is that I'm considering adding an Espeon to Ash's Johto team which would clash with Sakura, so either her own Eevee doesn't evolve throughout the GS chapter (in which case another older sister would have to be added to fill in the gap), or keep her as a recurring rival for either the Gyms or the Pokéathlon.

And those are my choices for an additional Johto companion. Let me know what you think.

[adsproject]

Final Reflection

Alohaaaa! 🤙 Welcome back to my blog! Alas, this will be my last post on this blog, unfortunately. I have overcome many hurdles, and I am proud of where I am today, my project, and what has led me to this point. This journey was not easy, but it was definitely worthwhile and memorable, thanks to all the support I received. I want to personally thank everyone who has participated in my Instagram polls and my usability testing survey. Shout out to y’all!

1. What were your thoughts about your research topic going into the first week of the semester?

My thoughts during the first week of the semester about my research topic, job displacement in web design, were that AI will not replace human designers or artists as a whole because they lack empathy and the ability to form meaningful connections with humans, both interpersonally and in person. However, I didn't think I could win this battle against AI due to my inexperience. I have the skills, sure, but they are elementary at best. Prior to this project, I had some experience working with Figma and creating my first website prototype through my CM 316 (User Experience) course. I also practiced more coding in HTML and CSS in my ART 320 (Web Design & Development) class. In the end, I created a website prototype, so no coding experience was actually needed.

2. What are your thoughts now about your research topic and your project/practicum?

My current thoughts on my research topic are that AI can be used as a tool to brainstorm during the ideation step of the design process, generating ideas or inspiration for wireframes and similar tasks. However, it should not do the work entirely for you. It's the same with templates; you don't just submit it as is. You have to add your own personal touch and style, and replace the content with your own words. Regarding my project, I never thought I would beat the AI, so it was a pleasant surprise to win against it. I had many ups and downs, and at one point, I thought this project was impossible to complete and that I wouldn't graduate on time. Nevertheless, I'm so glad I reduced its scope, making it less overwhelming and daunting. Best decision I ever made. I somewhat regret not being able to complete my original deliverable of a website, but maybe I can create one in the future. Some things are just not meant for you at the moment, but they can come to you later.

3. What did you learn about yourself as a creative through this journey?

It was challenging for me to meet my own deadlines, so I kept giving myself extensions, as the project was self-directed and mostly independent. I always thought I was behind, and it really made me doubt my abilities and timeliness. However, I learned not to be as harsh on myself, even though we are our own worst critics. I once saw a quote that said, “Make it exist first, then you can make it good,” or something along those lines. That really resonated with the perfectionist in me because I am always so focused on the little details, like spacing and alignment, when I should really be focusing on the broader picture.

4. What did you learn about the creative and production process?

If you don’t already know, the creative process has three phases: pre-production, production, and post-production, also known as the three P’s. What I learned is that you just need to trust the process. There will be some bumps and hiccups along the way, but that is to be expected, as no one is perfect and is bound to make mistakes. You also have to remember that you are still a student, so you're still learning; it’s okay to make mistakes. From planning to execution, every phase of the process is vital, but the bulk of your project will be the production phase. During the production phase, it took me approximately one to three days to work on the lo-fi wireframes and five days to complete the hi-fi wireframes and prototype together. I learned to be patient with myself and the process. Locking in wasn’t easy, but once I was in the zone, nothing could stop me, not even hunger.

5. What advice would you give new senior capstone students?

My advice is to get started as soon as possible and really plan ahead. The pre-capstone is essentially your blueprint for your project, which is necessary for any project. You really need to thoroughly and thoughtfully consider what your project entails, including the specifics for each phase, or at least a general outline. Also, make sure to have backup plans in case your original plan doesn’t work out, like me. My backup plan was to create a website prototype, since I saw other classmates doing the same. Ergo, at least have a plan A and a plan B. The more plans you have, the better prepared you are, and you have more options to choose from. Also, be truly interested and passionate about your research topic. Additionally, I suggest delivering something you’re familiar with, so that you’re not just learning an entirely new skill from the beginning. It’s good to challenge yourself, but the final product may not turn out as you wanted.

6. Where to now?

After graduation, I was referred to work for the local Hawaiian government as a web designer. I still need to follow up with them if the offer still stands. Regardless, I plan to work in-house at a local or remote company, at a local or remote agency, or as a freelance web designer. I dream of working at top companies like Google, Microsoft, or Adobe. If all else fails, I could start up my own web design studio called "Webko," meaning "my web(site)" in Ilokano. I am trying to apply to as many jobs as possible, but I want to focus on graduating first.

Here’s a TL;DR (too long; didn’t read) version:

Initial Beliefs: AI won't fully replace human designers due to a lack of empathy, but I felt that I was inexperienced and wouldn’t win. In the end, I triumphed.

Current View: AI can be a brainstorming tool, but it shouldn't replace the designer's personal touch and creative vision.

Project Experience: Faced challenges but ultimately reduced project scope, which made it more manageable.

Personal Growth: Learned to be less harsh on myself and focus on completing work rather than perfecting details.

Creative Process Insights: Trust the three phases—pre-production, production, and post-production—and be patient with the process.

Advice for New Capstone Students: Start early, create detailed plans, have backup options, and focus on topics that genuinely interest you.

Future Plans: Seeking work as a web designer with hopes of joining major companies or starting a freelance studio called "Webko."

"Don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened." - Dr. Seuss

Again, thank you for following me on this creative journey! I appreciate all of you. Good luck to everyone on their future endeavors! Peace ✌️

[wxndswept]

Amber (ZZZ Verse)

Full Name: Amber Farron

Faction: Knights of the Round

Title: Arthur

Race: Human

Occupation: HIA Investigator, Proxy

Role: Defense

Element: Fire

W-Engine: Excalibur's Scabbard

Personality:

Hot-headed and brash, Amber charges into a lot in life head-first. She is a passionate young woman who cares deeply for the last bastion of the world and will fight to her last breath to protect it. This passion is doubled for her allies and friends, who she cares for immensely, to the point she develops a self-sacrificial side when protecting them.

While numbers and Hollow resurgence say otherwise, Amber fully believes humanity is not finished yet and can turn the tide in this losing war.

Backstory:

A survivor of the fall of the Old Capital, Amber saw firsthand the horrors of the Hollow's sudden expansion with the loss of her family and her sister's transformation into a powerful ethereal creature. This loss did not completely deter her, as she settled into her life in New Eridu, she came across the writings of her father of a legendary artifact from the old civilization. Excalibur. Amber made it her life's ambition to claim the blade for herself and fight back against the Hollow.

Years later, Amber has become a highly trusted member of the HIA's investigation team, indispensable in the exploration of Hollow Zero. Amber has kept her personal ambitions to herself, as she searches for her family home in hopes of finding the rest of her father's research.

Recently, Amber started a secret side buisiness working as a guide proxy to help others in smaller Hollows with the aid of her friends, Yuuki and Lyza.

Combat Style:

Amber strikes hard and fast with her shortsword, a replica of the legendary armament she searches endlessly for. She deals physical damage by default and is capable of devastating fire attacks, empowered when she is in her enhanced knight state. With her incredible Ether aptitude, Amber fights to protect her friends and comrades, absorbing an increment amount of damage they sustain in battle.

Skill: Evil beware my might: Amber briefly takes a stance and slashes forward with her sword, dealing Fire damage. If Amber comes into contact with an enemy attack, she will reflect the strike and enter the knight state. Knight state: Converts Amber's damage output to deal fire damage and generates a special shield for allies when she leaves the field. This shield negates and transfers a portion of the damage they receive to Amber.

Ultimate: Excalibur's light!: Slamming her sword into the ground, Amber unleashes a wave of light dealing AoE fire damage. If Amber is in the knight state, she will restore a portion of her lost HP and exit the state.

Dynamic with the Knights:

Amber is the leader and founder of the Knights of the Round, both the official Investigation team and the hidden Proxy team. She takes the lead in Hollow missions and proxy missions with Yuuki and Lyza, and is regarded as one of the top investigators in Hollow Zero.

She is particularly close with Yuuki, who she has known for years and pushes her to leave her desk and dive into Hollows more frequently with her, or even wander New Eridu and the Outer Ring like they used to.

Her relationship with Lyza seems to be complicated, as the two butt heads when on missions. Amber is rather distrustful of her secretive carrot data system and prefers her own instincts and experience, which upsets Lyza. But outside of missions, one would never assume this as the two are surprisingly close, often joking with each other.

Amber is the proud owner of a Knightboo which she dubbed Bedivere, or Bedi for short.