#But finding anything on the web novel seems impossible...

[drag0nalias0]

The evil lord of an intergalatoc empire has an anine now?!? I remember reading the novel years ago!

[buttastic]

so over the past few days I read this comic called mary tyler moorehawk by dave baker and I think I have to talk about in a more formalized sense but I don't want to do it on a platform where I'm connected with actual comics people so here you go tumblr. there's gonna be a lot of spoilers for mtmh here (and to a lesser extent of house of leaves and rant: the oral biography of buster casey) because it's impossible to talk about this thing otherwise

here we go

the first thing I will say about it is that it takes rather a lot from both mark z danielewski's house of leaves and chuck palahniuk's rant: the oral biography of buster casey.

this is not a problem for me. if anything, this is the opposite of a problem for me. I love those books. I've been wanting more comics and specifically more big published graphic novels that do the kinds of post-modern structural weirdness that these prose novels do. but that kind of gets to my problem with it:

there are completely vanilla straight-forward comic pages and then there are hol-esque prose sections and never do the two intertwine.

the story is this: à la house of leaves, a journalist writes about the production of his favorite canceled-after-9-episodes tv show, mary tyler moorehawk, in an alternate 5-minutes-to-a-hundred-years future dystopia à la rant. this leads him to try and track down the original creator of the characters, where he discovers that mtmh was originally based on a comic. the structure then bounces back and forth between sections of this comic from plot points long past where the show cut off and journalistic sections where the narrator interviews people and does a bunch of junior detective stuff. that is the Plot and Structure.

the Premise is that dave baker, the actual author/cartoonist who lives in our world, receives a package in the mail that contains the manuscript of the book we're reading, that was delivered to him by dave baker, about his quest to find dave baker. I wish I could post screencaps of the intro, but alas hoopla doesn't let you take those so I'm stuck with what other people have posted.

but so anyway this entire book revolves around dave baker doggedly extolling the singular genius of dave baker while dave baker kind of shrugs at the camera. it's breathtakingly narcissistic in a way I almost respect.

the dystopian future that this takes place in is one where owning physical objects has been made illegal--for environmentalist reasons?? we'll come back to the bonkers politics in this. but so the primary entertainment is either fascist propaganda films or hologram web streaming videos with no stories where you watch people do mundane activities that I have to imagine is some kind of dig at tiktok. the only option outside of that is the way of the physicalists--people dedicated to the cult of illegally hoarding physical art objects from before such things were purged. the only people who are allowed to own anything are corporations, who can own anything including people, but honestly if we think too hard about what it means to live in a world that truly owns nothing this whole story starts to fall apart.

like it seems like mostly it's illegal to own art? but people are described as drawing several times so art SUPPLIES are at least acquirable, somehow? but whatever, not what this is about.

but so anyway somebody gets the bright idea to revive the old ways of tv shows (except they have to broadcast them onto dishwashers instead of tvs, since dishwashers are one of the few things people are allowed to own. also, somehow, broadcasting is meaningfully different than streaming) but also along with this she revives all of the evil predatory shit tv companies do verbatim, which feels really weird.

like the book is about dave baker (the journalist)'s quest to figure out why his favorite tv show was canceled and he lives in this dystopia where art is illegal and he managed to illegally watch this show because his uncle knew a guy who knew a guy and he has to dodge police raids to even talk about this stuff--

--but the reason his favorite show was canceled is because a tv ceo tried to claim perpetual rights to someone else's comic characters and that person left in a huff?

like idk! do something interesting with your setting! I actually do not think trying to combine the approaches of house of leaves and rant is a bad idea. they both feature people talking Around an object/person that is never directly depicted but still shines through anyway, and both have elaborate metanarratives running at the same time. there's a lot to work with there!

so I think the mistake here is trying to combine the Worlds of hol and rant. hol takes place in a world that is basically identical to our own to try and get you to wonder if the navidson record actually happened, or at the very least if johnny truant actually found someone writing about it. rant takes place in a scifi near-future to continuously bait and switch you with wondering how far removed this reality actually is from our own. both of these are extremely Core To What These Books Are About.

mary tyler moorehawk, on the other hand....seems to just be using these as a fun aesthetic to explore?

mtmh makes extensive use of hol-style footnotes, but they never really go anywhere. they're extra set-dressing but they always immediately resolve themselves and are almost completely ignorable. every once and a while one will loop back around, but never in a way that's plot-critical.

the scifi setting is completely incomprehensible unless you've also read rant and know kind of what it's aping. in rant there is a big cultural divide between upperclass people who do their media consumption by plugging sensory recordings into jacks in their brains to feel things second-hand and lowerclass people whose brain jacks have been rotted out by exposure to rabies (listen it's chuck palahniuk) who have to actually experience things in person if they want to feel anything.

like, I feel like this is what mtmh is gesturing towards with the divide between hologram tiktoks and Real TV but it feels sooo telling that baker decides to replace palahniuk's focus on real sensation to one about....watching better tv

I don't want to get too in the paint of defending chuck palahniuk here because I am on record as hating that bastard (and I do. even if I do like the book rant for the most part. it's complicated) but rant is at least a book About something. rant is a book about feeling everything you can and defining who you want to be when other people have already made up their minds about what you'll be and also the AIDS crisis. house of leaves is a book about love and grief and obsession and rampant un-checked obsessive-compulsive disorder.

so what's mary tyler moorehawk about? that's easy: comics! sort of.

at least, it wants to be about comics. mtmh is trying to weave you a tale about how discovering the right piece of media at the right time in your life can Change you and make you realize how wonderful art can be. problem number one with this is that in mtmh the medium that touches people is a tv show, not a comic, but we'll come back to that. problem number two is that this revelation doesn't Do anything for these people except teaching them that they like art now. nobody except genius auteur dave baker attempts to actually Fix anything about their situations or society, and a constant throughline in this is is that fictional people are better than real ones.

I just think that's really sad? that's really sad. in the end of the book dave baker the journalist takes back his own findings and dave baker the comic genius' loose pages back in time to deliver them to our world dave baker, who is apparently the younger self of the coolest guy who ever lived. (I found This whole plot weirdly derivative of the scott pilgrim anime but what's another one here, right?) dave baker the genius tells dave baker the journalist (these ones are actually different guys) that he needs to make sure mtmh gets published as a comic, not as a highly corporate work to get butchered, and to foster a future where art and artists by extension are protected by society.

well that's all well and good, but what does art Provide in this universe, exactly? mostly, it seems like the primary functions are escapism and validation, the two most toothless things anything can provide. in the face of this horrible dystopia we must endeavor to Feel Better About Ourselves In A Way That Makes Us Feel OK About Avoiding Other People. great, awesome

I know I'm avoiding talking about the comics thing once again, but let's circle back to what this dystopia actually is. oh god tumblr is eating my shit let's see if I can reconstitute this

so things are described as fascist and corporate in mtmh a lot but the actual things that happen—loss of private property for environmentalist reasons, a focus on communal experiences instead of private ones, the death of consumerism—feel pretty unambiguously leftist. it's not enough for me to call this comic right wing, but it IS enough for me to call it centrist hand-wringing about how art won't be able to exist under communism. but whatever. this book is not really interested in making grand political statements.

so if there's no point in a better future, let's imagine a better past. finally, let's talk about mary tyler moorehawk's relationship with comics.

the climax of mtmh occurs when journalist dave baker finally tracks down auteur dave baker and discovers that mary tyler moorehawk—the beloved, deeply flawed, and obviously meddled-with tv show he dedicated his life to—was originally based on a much longer, infinitely more nuanced and elaborate series of comics.

this is the crowning achievement of this entire book. the world opens up under our protagonist and he learns to no longer be content with shadows and to walk out of Plato's cave. everything this book was trying to do crystallized for me at this moment, because of how much it mirrored my own entry into comics. for me, it was the feeling of discovering my favorite anime were based on manga. it was hearing that the guy behind invader zim also made comics. it was learning who jack kirby was and how hard he had to fight to make his art. it's the Core Thesis of not only this book but all of cartooning—that indie comics are a beautiful realm of possibility that are one of the few modes of expression that can exist completely divorced from corporate oversight and executive meddling. it's beautiful!

and it's maybe 3 pages out of this 250 page book?

I've been talking almost exclusively about the prose side of this book so far. the other half is the actual comic Mary Tyler MooreHawk, the one the show is based on.

it's a fun, cute pulpy adventure comic about a family of do-gooders repeatedly trying and failing to save the world.

it gets bleaker and bleaker as it goes along. where the prose half is potentially the more interesting half, I think the comic half is the more compelling one, where a recently aggrieved bunch of adventurers keep losing more and more but decide to pick up and keep trying anyway because it's all they can do.

the style is fun, both visually and in terms of genre. it's kind of a pastiche of all kinds of adventure comics from different decades and different countries, though this does mean it dips into some pretty racist tropes near the beginning.

it, like the prose, is much better on emotionality than politics. unfortunately for it, I think it gets bogged down in what the other half of the book is doing. it's a petty simple and compelling story but elevating it to being The One Story That Will Save The World shines a lot on a lot of its inadequacies, some of which I don't even think are actual inadequacies.

pinning the entire media revolution on what appears to be a flimsy children's serial is summoning my inner "read another book" guy and I don't even think it's a bad children's serial. I think if the prose part had talked up more about the parts of this comic that we don't get too actually see at all instead of presenting a small section of it like a mic drop it would've gone over better.

because at the end of the day, mtmh is just a pretty conventional comic. even in-universe it seems like the thing that was novel about it is that no one else was making comics. this kinda gets at my big picture problem with this whole book:

I have been talking about the structure and maneuvers of this narrative purely in comparison to prose novels.

part of this is on me. I could really easily compare the included sections of comics in this book to the black freighter sections from watchmen, for example. but that's not really the most interesting part of watchmen, is it?

I see in mtmh a deep and abiding desire to do something different with comics as a medium, or at the very least a desire to do something different and also showcase comics. but the problem with that is that it derives most of its big maneuvers from and expresses them through prose.

I found this comic because I was reading through reviews over on solrad the other day and found this one by elias rosner. I was getting annoyed about 1) this book being an obvious house of leaves pastiche and then not getting talked about by someone familiar with house of leaves, and 2) the assertion that this book was more about tv than comics when it seemed obvious to me from the premise that this a book about the way comics are devalued.

but the more I read of this thing the more apparent it became to me than while it has massive respect for comics as a cultural heirloom, it either doesn't know or doesn't care about the interesting structural and narrative maneuvers unique to comics and defaults to drawing from prose.

grant morrison has been churning out bizarre post-modern comics since the 80s. we live in a post-homestuck world. pick up a michael deforge comic. read even just a scott mccloud book on the possibilities of comics? read anything. read shoujo manga with brain-breaking panel setups. read webcomics interrogating what it means to be a comic. read abstract comics. read weird comics. comics comics COMICS! there's so many of them!! they're all so interesting and weird!!!! come on man!!!!

anyway. I think there's a part of me that really wants to like this book. in a lot of ways, I feel like I was the target audience. but I also think it had ambitions that were not at all matched by the level of skill and effort baker could put into it. idk. I've only ever read one other book by dave baker, everyone is tulip, which struck me as a solid but weirdly copyright-dodging retelling of real life musician poppy's real life abuse. maybe I'm just destined to always be frustrated by this guy.

[tanat-a]

Hi, I've been a lurker here for a long time, and I have begun to write my first novel. It started as a personal thing, but then a friend of mine recommended me to post it here to see if people like it, so here it goes.

(This story is my attempt to merge a western magic system and an Eastern magic system so if you have any thoughts about my writing please tell me.)

Chapter 1 Rainbow Crystal Cave

Huang Lei awoke with a groan in the darkness of Rainbow Crystal Cave. He tried to get up, but a searing pain permeated the entirety of his body. Looking at himself, he could see that his cloak was tattered and frayed, while his tunic and pants had holes in them. Compared to the rest of his apparel, his hair was unblemished.

"That's the last time i don't secure my rope tightly" He said to himself.

Huang came here in search of some crystals to sell ,crystals from Rainbow Crystal Cave are higly priced making it a profitable venture to go and collect them even when one considers the danger, he had climed Steep Star mountain to get to the mouth of the cave, and even avoided a few shadow stalker wolves on his way here. The first step he took he saw that the cave had many levels and tunnles but he didn't see any crystals, so he secured his rope to a rock and descended. But the rope he was using got loose from where he secured it. Sending him tumbling down the cave.

Ignoring the pain he forces himself up and goes to a nearby puddle to look at himself. There he sees a man with black coarse hair tied into a topknot with a silver hairpin sideways into the top knot. His face was angular like that of a finely cut diamond, his complexion was deep like that of a dark amber, his eyebrows were thick and arched, his nose was straight and sharp and his mouth was thin and straight. His deep-set eyes were as blue as the ocean and as clear as gemstone. Most people who met him discribe him as a saphire due to his eyes and complexion, Some would say he was wasting his looks by beaing a wayfarer instead of working as an entertainer for the nobles of The Crimson Star Empire.

But Huang never liked living a life of monotony. Haung grew up in an orphanage in Verdant Meadow City, ever since a young age he liked exploring and experiencing new things even if it left him dirt-poor most of the time. Having left the orphanage he has spent five years travelling through the Bountiful Hills reagion of the empire. He had heard of a merchant willing to pay one jade carp for a Rainbow mana crystal from the Rainbow Crystal Cave, most people weren't interested in a sure death even for that much money. But Huang thought it would be interesting to go see Rainbow Crytal cave too, so he thought it would kill two birds with one stone.

Huang looked to where he had fallen from and saighed "If you fly too close to the sun you will get burned. It seems that I overestimated myself this time... again." He fell a quarter of a li ,which is about 125 meters, it was a miracle he even survived.

'It seems the heavens favor the foolish today' he tought to himself. looking around to see if he could find anything to help him get up and out of the cave. He found his backpack which had five packaged meals, a torch, and a knife.

Lightning his torch he ventured deeper into the cave. While walking along a cave tunnel he saw something reflect the light of his torch back at him.

Rushing towards the object Huang suddenly heard hissing coming from in front of him. Waving his torch forward he found that the object was a scepter, but the scepter was entangled in a large spider nest. The spider nest was so large it was as tall as Huang and had so many webs woven together that it was impossible to see what was underneath. Only the top of the scepter was poking out. On top of the nest was a Yin Venom Spider. The Yin Venom Spider was as black as tar with ivory white eyes and fangs.

The spider hissed at Huang and lifted it's front legs trying to intimidate him. Huang was frozen he had never face a beast like a Yin Venom Spider before.

Thinking to himself Haung though of his options. 'What now Haung? A Yin Venom Spider is staring you down maybe you should backup and go back and try to climb the cave... But that scepter would Fetch a nice price, and there might be something in the nest to help me get out.' So he decided to attack.

Unwrapping a packaged meal and putting on the ground in front of the spider, he then stepped back. The spider climed down and started to eat the meal. Huang turned his back to the spider and ran but it lunged at him nearly biting his leg. Haung pressed his torch into the spider's face with a sizzling noise and a piercing shriek the spider pulled back and tried to bite Huang. He block it in time with his torch, but the spider pushed Huang down on the floor with its superior strength.

The spider used it razor sharp legs to rain a flurry of piercing blows against Huang Lei. Clothes were pierced and bones were broken as the spider landed blow after blow on Huang. He took his knife and stabbed it into the spider's neck, making it jump away.

Getting up Huang took note of his injuries. He had a broken rib, a broken left arm and a broken left leg, and had holes in his flesh the size of a coin on his upper torso.

The spider jumped and opened it fangs preparing to bite Huang. He tried to block it but his injuries prevented him from moving his torch quickly. The spider bit his arm and he felt yin Venom flowing into him. He tried to scream but no noise came out. It was like his body was becoming ice. He saw the knife was still in the spider's neck, he grabbed the knife, and kicked the spider in its abdomen to move it to his right side and dragged the knife across the spider's neck.

The spider was still moving. He stabbed it again, and again, and again. Stepping back he collapsed. The sound of his breathing and the crackling of his torch was the only sound in the cave.

Huang tried to get up but his muscles wouldn't move the yang Venom having turned it into something akin to ice rather than flesh and it kept felt like it was shifting and changing under his skin. Reaching for his torch to warm him up he only moved his fingers before he passed out.

Waking up Huang felt that something was off and very, very wrong. His bones were not broken anymore, but his flesh didn't have holes in it like it should have. His chest felt tight, and his hair felt longer and smoother than before.

Huang was panicking. 'This is not normal, not normal at all. Did someone come and patch me up or something?'

Getting up he went to a small puddle and looked to see if he was really healed. In the puddle he looked he shifted his face and paused each time, pausing longer and longer each time he shifted his face. A second passed, then ten, then a minute. He than spat blood.

"EEHHHHHHHH!!!" A loud shout sounded throughout the cave, bats woke up and flew in massive swarms, insects skittered aimlessly hoping to avoid a being capable of creating such a sound, birds on the surface woke up and fled from their nest, and a merchant near the area heard a noise coming from the Rainbow Crystal Cave he ignored it and continued on his path. Though he did note that it sounded feminine.

Huang was fully panicked now pacing back and forth and occasionally checking his reflection in the puddle. Blood kept pouring out of his mouth due to the nature of what happened to him.

"NO, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. THIS HAS TO BE A DREAM." Huang shouted in a feminine voice throughout the cave. A single thwack was heard, then more thwacks were heard. " I HAVE TO WAKE UP. I HAVE TO WAKE UP." Huang was slapping himself.

What haung saw in the puddle wasn't the man that was him what he saw was a woman, with a heart-like face, a small thin nose, thin arched eyebrows, thin delicate lips, and a complexion that was as pale as porcelain. The woman's black hair was straight and silky, a part of her hair was put up in a bun with bangs sweeping to her left, while the rest of her hair flowed to the middle of her back. There was a silver hairpin sticking sideways in the bun. Her eyes were as blue as that of saphires and were as clear as if they were made of glass. Her body was like that of a hourglass, her limbs were thin and delicate looking, their lenght perfectly complementing her frame, with no blemishes in sight. Those who saw her would say she was a jade beauty who came from the heavens to grace the mortal plane.

This was now Huang Lei's body.

(This story will now start to use female pronouns to refer to Huang)

"Why me?" Huang said with a dejected tone. Sulking next to the spider nest she saw that her torch was still lit. 'Maybe there's something in there that can help me.' Huang though as she looked to the spider nest, after all there must be something there that could help she tried to reassure her self of this delusion.

Burning the nest what was left after the fire finished burning was a skeleton, held in its hand was what looked like a diary. The scepter that Huang had seen clattered to the ground, she picked it up.

Shen then swung it around madly while shouting for it to turn her back into a man. She spent ten minutes trying... it didn't work. Exhausted she went to the diary and began to read it.

The diary was a diary of a mage who was studying cultivation and cultivators. While reading she saw a section on Yin, it might help with what happened to him considering she was bit with yin venom she though, it read that

"In the dark of night

Where formless is ice

Where Moonlight is bright

Where winter's in sight

Silent and passive

The night sends missives

That calm is elusive

Yet it is submissive

The girl watches from below

The woman readies a bellow

To greet the moon's glow

Which they all follow"

Huang sat there unmoving considering the poem for moments on end, until she took a breath and closed the diary.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!" Huang having not understood what the poem meant. Skipping ahead hoping that she would find an explanation on the poem, afterall a wizard had to do research right?

"Yin and yang are opposites, no not this one... there is always balance between... enough with the flowery prose already... Ah, here it is, the cultivators believe that the Yin represents the feminine aspect of a person... the more Yin they have the more feminine they are... This males it so that a man with and excess of Yin qi will turn into a woman, and vice-versa for the effects of Yang qi" Huang sat there still contemplating the new information.

She sat there for an hour. 'That means I can be a man again as long as I get more of this yang stuff in me right?' Yet her hopes were dashed as she continued to read. "One can only switch between Yin and yang once in their life, anymore and they will die. Due to this fact many sects have used the switching of Yin and yang as an execution method. I heard that the Vituous Flower Sect..."

Huang sat there motionless. "This... this can't be real... it can't... it can't..." she muttered weakly hoping the words she was speaking was true. But the reality was Huang was stuck like this for the rest of her life.

Huang just sat there all day, sulking, dead to the world around her. Until her hunger made her get up and unpacked a meal. 'Three more meals... I have to get out of this cave fast... but do I want to. My life is changed beyond any recognition, i didn't choose this fate the heavens chose it for me. Should I just stay here?' Huang though to herself succumbing to depression at having her entire world turned upside down, at being in a cave underground one li away from the surface, having her fate dictated by something else, alone, and without knowing if she will ever get out.

Suddenly she stood up and grabbed the diary stowing it away in her pack picking up the knife and the scepter. With fire in her eyes she looked up and made her decision.

"NO, I won't let this be the end. So what if my entire world view just did turned upon its head. I'm still alive and kicking, and if the heavens have decreed that my life isn't a thing that I can decide for myself, then I shall face the heavens." She declared to the heavens themselves and as if responding to her will a ball of light gather on the head of the staff.

[dangermousie]

A web novel recommendation - Wishing You Eternal Happiness

I am currently about a fifth into a novel that is in the running to replace Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir as my favorite het web novel. It is Peng Lai Ke’s Wishing You Eternal Happiness/ 表妹万福.

This novel couldn’t be more different from Dreamer, with its hard-edged and hard-souled protagonists ruthlessly cleaving their way to the world and, eventually, each other, its smart cynical air. Except in one thing - the world of Wishing is just as bloody and dark. Its two protagonists are gentle, deeply wounded souls who may find salvation in each other but even something as basic as safety almost seems out of reach. 

Jiafu, our heroine, is neither a modern-day transmigrator, nor some exotic princess or demoness. She is very much a period woman of her time, from a weathy merchant clan, whose beauty is her curse. You can tell the novel’s tone from that utterly bleak opening chapter where she, a favorite concubine of a capricious dying emperor, is ordered to be buried alive with him and is not even given the “grace” of white silk but slowly suffocates in the coffin, scrabbling at the lid. There is no grand threats of vengeance on her part, not dramatic opera events. Just despair and death. The whole introductory chapter is haunted by emotional ghosts - the empress’ unrequited love for the monster on the imperial bed (turning into desire for Jiafu’s suffering after he dies), the emperor slowly dying in his prime after waging too many wars, and his fear of being haunted by Pei Youan, a brilliant if sickly minister who died of illness long ago on one of imperial campaigns. There is no triumph for anyone, only loss. 

Jiafu wakes up in the past after her death but there are no plans for grand revenge or world domination. All she wants is to stay with her family and to avoid the future emperor and also her future husband - in her past life, he gladly gave her away to the emperor once the emperor asks sending her to a life of trauma and horror and eventually awful death. Her schemes to do so are small and driven by desperation. But unfortunately, things never go as she wishes. The marriage may be easily scuttled but the attention of the royal monster not so much. 

Jiafu is such a deeply wounded person - some of the deep melancholy of the novel is that she wants so little - a normal life with someone who won’t sell her or bury her alive; she does not need to love him or even be married - and even that seems almost impossible to achieve. She is fighting for her life so desperately. 

Her widowed mother and brother are lovely but they cannot be her bulwark. Who can? Pei Youan. 

Let’s get this out of the way - I FREAKING LOVE PEI YOUAN!!!! He is a rare cnovel ML who would be considered a good person by any standard. But he is no shining powerful hero. Pei Youan, despite his brains and ability, drifts through life. I don’t mean he’s abandoned “work” - he assists the father of Jiafu’s eventual monster emperor ably etc etc. But emotionally he just exists, having given up on anything in his life, a sort of a living ghost. In modern terms, he clearly has depression. Apparently his background is pretty awful (and it does not take much to guess he’s actually not a Pei but a secret son of the imperial dude/Jiafu’s emperor’s half brother and in past life got killed for that) but all the bad stuff that has happened has not made him weak or self-pitying or dramatic, just a quiet, competent ghost. Jiafu is fighting for her life desperately - not even for happiness but for survival - but she knows happiness is possible, it’s just lower on her Maslow hierarchy of needs. But I don’t think Pei Youan can process happiness for him can exist.

Anyway, Pei Youan (at least in his ostensible identity as a member of the Pei family) and Jiafu are some sort of distant cousins. The reason Jiafu latches on him is because he is the sole man in her past life who showed her kindness and tried to protect her. When the emperor took her for the first time in past life, she begged for his help and despite barely knowing her, he managed to get her out and send her to her husband (only for said husband to gladly gift her back to the emperor.) Jiafu knows he is not interested in her, she knows he dies young, but he is her best bet, all she hopes is to marry him or even be his concubine, anything to stay out of the paws of the future emperor who fixates on her yet again. The scene where she explains it to him after he protected her, her desperation meeting his quiet competence but denial is one of my favorites.

I am spoiled enough to know eventually they do get married and things go all to hell for Pei Youan even more than before (In fact, @mercipourleslivres who knows me too well, sold me on this novel by mentioning that at one point Jiafu gets to be a Decembrist wife) and there is ultimately a hard-won happy ending. But even this early in, when they have not interacted that much, it is lovely to see Jiafu feel reassured around him, her desperation mixing with a tiny bit of reassurance at least and to see frozen Pei Youan feel something around her and not even understanding that this is his coming alive somehow, slowly and tentatively, but unmistakably so.

OK, where to find? The novel is complete in Chinese and can be found all the usual places. There is an abandoned translation of the first 20-odd chapters than can be found on novelupdates.

And I made a word doc of the MTL of the entire novel, here:

https://www.mediafire.com/file/yfoqmeaetx9xe3a/wishing_you.docx/file

Happy reading!

[beesmygod]

i’m not sure it’s possible to talk about this without sounding preachy, self-congratulatory, and/or smug. no one likes to talk about morality and trying to talk about morality and art with artists is like trying to talk to a really dense brick. the conversation often devolves into juvenile fandom discourse about whether or not it’s okay to jack off to children and i really don’t want anything to do with people who consider this a major concern in their lives. i’m trying to think beyond dicks here (impossible, i know).

one of the main things that alienates me with w/ regards to my peers is my primary effort being trying to maintain some level of moral dignity in a field that is inherently slanted toward exploitation and humiliation. i am aware of “how it sounds” to talk negatively about obtaining money in a subculture (web comics, but also comics in general) that is populated largely by minority artists who view it as an avenue for financial freedom that was once closed entirely to us. but: i have no idea where the perception of online art as a source of financial security came from; an artistic career is famously synonymous with poverty. why would online be any different? why would you not anticipate the years needed to build an appreciative audience for your work? or the years of “making your bones”?

as a result, many people (i’m talking the ones who don’t have external financial assistance from friends/family) obviously struggle to maintain a job based entirely on their own work. as a result, there seems to be a general presumption that all methods and avenues by which an artist makes money are virtuous because they provide income to a struggling person (you, the artist). to criticize the ways people make their money (for example, taking work from companies known to be abusive to their employees or encouraging the creation of art with a factory line, quantity-over-quality mentality) is read as an attack on the viability of the profession itself. to express disgust with how someone earns a living is perceived as, in the most dramatic instances, wanting artists to starve, suffer, or die (as if the only options in life are to take bad jobs or die; there are alternatives! come on! its intellectually dishonest to pretend otherwise.). somehow, the same people who are deeply convinced that art works influence reality cannot be dissuaded that the jobs they choose to take have consequences outside of the immediate financial comfort it offers to them, the artist.

i refuse to entertain the notion that a subculture built on mutual support and a DIY punk attitude should become a safe house for the financially driven. i do not believe it is acceptable to expect and defend every instance of an artist making a financially beneficial decision over a moral one. to criticize an artist for their financial/moral decisions is not an act of targeted cruelty unique to them only. i do not support a mainstream web comic scene based on gaining the respect of corporations or finding validation in brands.

freelance artists today are blessed to live in an era where becoming an artist for a living is no longer a empty pipe dream that only a tiny handful of already wealthy and connected people can obtain, but financial success is absolutely not even remotely guaranteed despite the accessibility of the career to new artists. the world at large remains hostile to arts funding and the creation of novel ideas and visuals is not of financial interest to the people providing careers (which i’ll define as “a full-time job where you get health insurance”) to artists. when you choose to become an artist for a living, you are making a conscious choice to prioritize your artistic passion over security. and i understand you, if that’s you.

no one becomes an artist to become rich except for maybe the biggest, most naive dopes on the planet. you would have to ignore over 100 years of american sneering at art and the mere concept of paying for it. you can see it in the naked contempt our peers have for art that is genuinely unusual, off-putting or “undeserving” of its status in the artistic canon (i remember some truly idiotic posts about “the comedian” aka “the banana duct taped to the wall”. no one who hated it bothered to research the artist, his work, and what he’s trying to achieve. i’m being mean now: there’s a gaping void where their intellectual curiosity should be that they  filled instead with the emotional equivalent of packing peanuts.)

we choose to be artists knowing that financial stability will never occur unless you win the literal or metaphorical lottery. to be an artist as a living is to prioritize your emotional needs over practicality. AND I GET IT. i draw for a living because i think i would be in a padded cell otherwise. there is nothing i wouldn’t give up to continue doing what i do because it’s fulfilling something nebulous and impossible to define in me that gratifies me more than any meal, any medication, any good nights sleep. there’s something wrong with my brain lol. this kind of attitude is certainly not normal.

there is nothing certain, stable or beneficial to being a freelance artist; you will need to make peace with poverty and uncertainty. you can skip this if you don’t want my life story: i started my comic in 2013 while finishing school and working a graveyard shift at the university library. i graduated and drove a small uhaul of my crap up to oregon where i lived with 3 other people who taught me how to sign up for food stamps and medicare. using government benefits, careful spending, and basically only spending my fun money on weed (lol this part i dont recommend but it made “being alive” better), i lived near portland for 4 years on my own money before picking up and moving to rhode island 3k miles away using my savings i’ve built up since i started working at 15. i’ve been living with adam for 4 years (! wowzers!) during which, for about a year, we made approx. the same amount of money lol. a dual income helped, but we were still scraping by at the time. i used my remaining savings last year to put a down payment on our house. it is literally only this month that i am starting to feel financial comfort but its because of adam’s job (which he has worked crazy hard on. manual labor is a class all of its own). however, with the 15% of my income the u.s. government takes, an economic downturn that leaves our supporters with less fun money to spend, and a society that seeks to reduce art’s virtues down to its financial worth, it is a horrible time to be an artist. i have been realizing that if i were still living with roommates, the current american economic landscape would have made it near, if not entirely, unfeasible for me to have continued working as an artist full time. and i used to work with my gloves and coat on so i didnt have to run the very expensive heat during the winter. i was already cutting a lot of corners.

when confronted with the question “then how do we make money off our art if we are expected to ALSO reject jobs on moral grounds?!” the answer is: you don’t. you already are not going to make a living off of it unless you are willing to chase down major corporations for literal years to get the 200 dollars they owe you. you live in and are arguing for the right to contribute/support, without criticism, to a society that does not believe your work has value beyond making the maximum amount of money possible. if i had to, i would rejoin the workforce at least part-time and do art on the side like literally everyone else on the planet has ever had to do (and as i did when i was building my audience). i realize that suggesting this to artists today is like suggesting they lay in the road and die. but if we are going to operate within reality then we need to accept some universal truths:

no one is too good to work minimum wage.

a practical solution to a problem (no money) is not an argument that your work shouldn’t have financial value.

there’s nothing anyone can do about people not purchasing your work. if it doesn’t sell, it doesn’t sell. there is no guarantee that your work will connect with an audience with spare cash or the desire to fund more. that’s entertainment!

if my options for artistic financial fulfillment were limited to propping up the success of companies i am morally opposed to, i would drop art as a job. i would go back to doing it for my own gratification only and start churning out literally a thousand drawings a year. i’ll work for a company that crushes pigeons into cubes before i’ll ever work for dc/marvel (and let’s cut this off at the head: im not chomping on sour grapes here. i am not jealous of people who work for major comic corporations. when you ask them how union building is going they completely flip the fuck out because they know any sign of solidarity in public threatens their bag. and im supposed to applaud this?? lol)

i have to anticipate this: people will bring up being marginalized as a reasonable excuse and im not really sure what the fuck is up with you that you think life works like a points system and you’re just evening out an unseen scale. fuck you! hold yourself to a better standard!!! don’t throw up your hands!!! is a web comic subculture that revolves around making money, creating algorithmically exploitative works, and sharing tips on how to maximize your output (while doing the least amount of actual work) the community you want to ally yourself with? because i really really don’t and feel mortified to be associated by proxy.

my general negativity and constant stream of criticism (lol i know. i know. i dont like being this way either. i feel perpetually aggravated by the inherent evil of life) causes people to make assumptions about my financial status, my upbringing, my political, and moral beliefs and my racial background (and so on and etc). in fact, i will admit i am still burned abt being called privileged over suggesting that there’s more to life than money lol.i think this is a cowardly reaction to someone challenging you and a frantic flailing attempt to justify yourself to others by forgetting the lesson hammered into you by nearly every single literary, visual and audio artwork ever created. i guess now we have confirmation that art has 0 effect on reality.

i feel like a dick, regardless. complicated.

i dont really know what i want from this except to get it out. actually, i do know: i just need a check on how detached this mentality is from “the scene”. if this is met with universal booing, i can be placed back in my habitat so i stop bothering people who fundamentally don’t agree with me.

but man. the only thing you take with you to your grave is your reputation. when they bury me, i hope they say “she was a rotten bitch but at least she gave a shit”

post too long. die now.

[lee-hakhyun]

when 1863!hsy was writing TWSA, her dreams got sent back to child hsy since, you know. they were sharing a body. so hsy wrote SSSS-grade regressor, a story that she absolutely INSISTS is not plagiarised, because as far as she knew, it wasn’t. the stories came from her dreams.

if lee hakhyun took the world of ORV from his dreams, too, does the fact that the dreams came from somewhere else make it any less his own work? the same way that just because 51 and 49 were split, did that make 49 not ‘really’ kim dokja? it’s still his story, in the end, but in both instances the person who was deemed the ‘liar’ was made to believe that he did not have the right to believe it was part of his identity. even though it was. even though he had more right to it than anyone else.

when it comes to a person’s past, it’s near impossible to completely deny it happened; it leaves a mark of its own, even if you change your name or your appearance. it’s still a life you lived, and so its claws will always reach out for you again. but you can re-define it. you can’t cut out the pages, but you can always make the story your own again.

in the future, were lee hakhyun’s past life ever to come to light, he might find himself trapped in a state of self-doubt again; ‘I’m not even really Lee Hakhyun, was I ever really who I thought I was?’ but he was, and he is; just as he is a fragment of kim dokja (same as many other readers, just a bigger fragment than anticipated), he is also an author of orv (who… actually, when you remember the theory of kim dokja himself having added in the bits that none of kimcom could have known, this has horrifying implications). he wrote stories about a wish still being your story, he made drafts that didn’t make it into han sooyoung’s ‘final cut’ but still managed to come fuck him over anyway. a wish becomes a self-exploration becomes discovery of the self. everything that came before remains a part of your story, but you can still write something new and choose what it means for yourself.

i am projecting my own gender issues, yeah :D talking as a person that wrote a non-binary character to find out if that was really what i wanted or not,,, writing is good for that. it helps you explore situations in a safe space that doesn’t physically harm you or others

even if he wasn't the original author he is still an author. and even if not of the main story, this side story is definitely his. multiple times it's mentioned that the story has left han sooyoung's hands at this point, and she even mentions that she doesn't like the story continuing with developments she's no longer aware of

for his identity issues, he really just needs someone to affirm to him that he's himself. when kim dokja told him 'you're lee hakhyun' it really affected him (in a good way), i'm sure his companions will help him out if anything goes wrong (he just needs to. actually tell them...) maybe being in orv will actually help him find a sense of self. even before he transmigrated, it seemed like after orv, he didn't really have any idea of where to go

incitement or not, he's still making his own story

also, about lhh's orv. him having stuff in the manuscript that was cut out later, that means that not everything that was uploaded to the cloud was put into orv. han sooyoung also mentioned that orv failed on some worldlines, so i'm thinking that orv might have been written differently depending on the author. the major story would still be there, but small details might have been omitted/changed.. maybe even the orv we read is different from the one that lhh wrote. if this is true, the orv that lhh wrote would be successful in part because of his writing (and ji eunyu's editing!) ..that might also be an explanation for the original/web novel changes, different versions of the story due to authors writing orv a different way with the information they were given from the cloud.

and since i don't feel making a separate post, i have an idea on what might appear in the side story lee hakhyun mentioned a collaboration with his previous works in the prologue chapter.. there's a chance that might come true in the side story. other author's stories can show up in orv (peaceland), so why not lee hakhyun's?

[its-kall-the-clown]

I saw 39 and I couldn't choose between SpicyNoodles or SilkTea so pick whichever pairing calls out to you the most?

*Slams keyboard* yo we don't have enough silktea shipping up in this fandom and I'm STARVING for it!!

I actually have a Silktea fic in the works that happen to be a nurse back to health trope kind of fic. Soooo this may or may not end up getting recycled and used in it. We will see *shrugs*

prompt list

Cookie Tin Experiments

Rating: pg-13

“If you don’t rest, you won’t heal.” the deep baritone voice of warrior demon chided. Huntsman keeps his back turned to him and huffs.

"And if I followed your advice I would become one of your lazy lap pets" he bites out hobbling around with his bad leg and crutch. He was gritting his teeth through the pain, but the pain was good. It was easier to deal with compared to the soft touch and kind words that were so foreign to him.

He much preferred the pain and suffering. It was more familiar, easier to navigate compared to the uncharted territory that was Sandy.

He ignores the little disappointed sigh that the demon lets out, once again too soft for his kind, and instead continues his mission to find himself some food. He wants tea, damn the demon, and getting him addicted to the warm earthy flavor. And he wants those little cookies that he always served with it.

The one that came out of the bright blue tin and somehow always tasted better when Sandy gave them to him.

He finally spots the tin sitting atop the highest shelf. He tisks under his breath at his misfortune, reaching up and trying to balance on his toes of his one good leg.

He wobbles a sweat breaking out across his brow. Why was it so far up??? Some part of him thinks the Demon placed it there on purpose to torcher him.

Footsteps.

It makes him freeze and something akin to anticipation crawls its way up his spine. He knows Sandy is only walking towards him, but he feels like prey under a stalking warrior. A shadow casts over his body and a warm chest is pressed against his back.

He's forced against the counter gently as the body behind him reaches up for the tin of cookies.

Huntsman hopes they are too distracted to feel his heart racing in his chest.

He hates this. He hates how warm Sandy feels against his back, he hates how his heart won't fucking stop beating like an idiot, and he hates how incredibly and utterly safe he feels pressed up against this counter.

All too soon the warmth leaves him breathless and the tin of cookies is offered to him with a wide smile.

"Here you are~ tea goes great with these so I'll put on a kettle." The other was completely unaware of what state he's left Huntsman in.

"S-sure. Whatever!" The spider huffs ripping the tin open and shoving a cookie in his mouth hoping it was enough to finally get his heart to stop fluttering in his chest. His back had a lingering warmth that made him shudder.

He didn't know why this always happens around the blue demon. Maybe he still was afraid of them...He needed further experimentation to be certain.

-----------------

His first experiment started a day later in the same spot. 'needing' the cookie tin that was set on the top shelf. Huntsman made sure that Sandy was in the room, and made a big show of trying desperately to reach it.

As if on cue the gentle giant rose from his spot on the sofa and made his way over to the struggling spider demon.

Once again he had his stomach pushed to the counter, this time a large hand curls around his hip, steading him and sending electric currents up his spine at the contact. He would deny the little gasp that slipped past his fangs. the warm presence of Sandy is pressed up against his back. This time he focused on his heartbeat, the way the muscles felt solid against him, the gentle even breaths of their chest.

Huntsman focuses on all of it. Trying to pinpoint what part of this makes his own heart flutter frantically.

All too soon the tin can is pressed to his hands and Sandy only smiles at him, something shrewd and knowing under his beard that Huntsman didn't like.

"If you don't rest you won't heal." He reminds him again gently.

He huffs hobbling away without another word.

---------------

The second experiment is tampered with before he even has a chance to try. The cookie tin is not in its normal spot. Set unassumingly down on the counter within arms reach.

Within Huntsman's reach.

He stares at the traitorous tin with all his eyes. How dare the tin be on the counter within reach. This ruins his experimentation. Damn that blue demon and his thoughtfulness, he probably was trying to make things easier for him unknowing that Huntsman was trying something.

"There a problem?" Sandy is beside him, the man sneaking up on him and making him jump. For his hulking figure, he was surprisingly stealthy.

"No." His words are stilted and he turns away from the cookie tin with a huff. Hobbling away feeling an embarrassed flush on his face. He felt like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

He wobbles his way into the living area and he can hear the demon padding after him, following him like a worried puppy.

Huntsman stops in the middle of the living room and looks around. For anything, he could use as his experiment for the day. He spies the bookcase with a red-covered book on the top shelf.

Perfect.

He hobbles over to it and tries reaching for it, once again making a show of not being able to reach it.

Surprisingly Sandy doesn't move forward and Huntsman is left hanging. He feels like a child just learning to spin a web and no one there to help him.

Why wasn't Sandy helping him? Could the big oaf not see he needed the red book at the top of the shelf.

He whirls around with a snarl on his lip and finds that Sandy was indeed still there, just watching him struggle helplessly. There is a lazy smirk on the man's face and they cross their arms and raise an eyebrow at them.

Huntsman feels his face flush red.

He's being played with.

Sandy left that cookie tin out on purpose, and he was leaving him struggling on purpose, he wanted Huntsman to ask for help.

He growls making a little fist with his hands, he tucks his chin into his chest realizing he was going to have to ask for help if he wanted to continue this experimentation.

"C-can you-" He licks his lips trying to find the words and Sandy continues to wait with his arms crossed over his chest. Impossibly patient. If this was a test of wills the spider demon would surely fail.

"-get that book for me." He growls out past tight fangs. Sandy smiles and uncrosses his arms.

But what Huntsman didn't know is that he had made a mistake.

He's now facing Sandy as they approach, instead of his normal position with his back to them.

He finds himself back up against the bookcase, the shelves digging painfully into his back as Sandy looms over him. His eyes not once leaving Huntsman's.

His breath catches in his throat. His heart is beating ten times as fast compared to last time.

Once again that large hand finds his hip, the thumb rubbing deliciously over his hip bone. Their faces are just a few inches apart with Sandy looming over him.

It would only take a few inches to connect them. The smallest push.

A book is pressed to his chest and Huntsman doesn't even look at it. Transfixed and lost in the expression that Sandy was giving him that he couldn't name.

"Was this what you wanted?" They asked his voice in a husky tone and Huntsman feels that damn thumb continue its ministrations against his hip. It's damn distracting, as equally mind-numbing. It stutters his brain and some pathetic noise curls in the back of his neck as the only affirmation he can offer.

"You don't seem too certain. You sure?" the larger of the two tilts his head slightly again, that unknown expression raking him over like coals against skin. Suddenly he's not too certain Sandy is talking about the book.

All he can do is nod, not trusting his voice enough to speak properly.

Blue eyes look Huntsman over, studying him like a map. He finds what he was looking for, or maybe he didn't because he pulls away. He barely had enough time to catch the book pressed to his chest before it tumbles to the floor.

"Never took you as a romance novel type.~"

They tease, creating space and breathing room for Huntsman. The steadying hand never left his hip though.

He can't find it in himself to care.

He shakes the strang spell off him and scowls trying desperately to rein in his emotions or whatever the fuck this was.

"It's p-probably the only good book to read in your shitty yoga instruction book library." He snaps out and Sandy only chuckles knowingly.

He storms off with a book tucked under his arm and face matching the shade of the binding.

[do-a-reference-properly]

AO3′s users alert! Unauthorised fanworks copying

26/09/2019. Important update on this mess: we found a way to delete fanworks via take down request to the hosting provider. Please check it here https://do-a-reference-properly.tumblr.com/post/187926459079/finally-some-good-news

Dear AO3 users,

We would like to bring your attention to an ugly situation with unauthorized copying of works posted on AO3.

A lot of works from AO3 have been copied to fanfics.me (we’ll call this site FFM for brevity’s sake) and are still being copied right now, either:

— automatically by a code specifically created by FFM’s owner for this purpose, or

— by unaware or unscrupulous FFM’s users via semi-automatic method (by inserting a link to a work from AO3 into a web-worm on FFM).

All works from AO3 — with a few exceptions (I’ll elaborate on this below) — can end up on FFM without authors even noticing. Even fanarts or podfics.

FFM doesn't comply with DMCA which means that such reposts endanger fanworks' creators in case the copyright holder demands to delete the fanwork.

Authors of the copied works do not have any control over them; if the work is edited it won’t be updated on FFM until someone manually updates it.

Additionally FFM’s owner makes money out of reposted free fanworks from numerous Google and Yandex ads on each and every FFM’s page by having people go to this site when searching for fics on Google etc. So we recommend using an Ads Blocker when visiting this site in order to prevent the owner from earning more. Ghostery or Adblock Plus work just fine, but you can use any other Ads Blocker that is convenient to you.

Oftentimes FFM even shows up before the original post with the work on Google search results.

The owner’s e-mail: refery@fanfics.ru.

The owner at AO3.

We are trying to bring AO3’s users attention to this situation and help authors with taking their works down from FFM.

 Briefly about the website and its owner

Let me start from the very beginning as it will bring into the light the nature of FFM and give a good example of its owner characteristic behavior.

At first, some person with nickname Refery created FFM as a web archive where authors — mostly from Harry Potter fandom — could publish their fanworks.

Time passed, the site grew and added some features (blogs, pre-moderation and etc.), and all was good and well up till the moment when Refery decided that it would be a great idea to copy to FFM fanworks published on other Russian fanfiction archives — among them from the biggest and most known site ficbook — without asking authors for permission. Even those works that had “Ask me before posting the story somewhere else” mentioned in its text or summary were copied.

For some time nobody noticed, but when finally and inevitably this came out the authors were outraged. It took a lot of time to finally persuade Refery to at least not to copy fanworks bearing a special tag “Уточнять у автора” (Ask the author first).

But after some time Refery — without giving any notice — violated his own promise and resumed copying to FFM fanworks that had the agreed upon tag. The authors complained again, so very reluctantly and after many painful discussions this feature was reinstalled.

So FFM has been notoriously known, mostly amongst Russian fandom, for claims on re-posting fanworks without the consent of the authors.

We're mentioning this situation just to give you a detailed portrait of a person we are dealing with here.

Not only fanworks are copied to this website, but original works, too. Even those which were already published. There were all 7 of Harry Potter novels (both original text and translation), The Hobbit: There and Back Again (translation) and Vorkosigan Saga (translation) available for everybody to read and download. They were taken down only recently due to the attention this whole situation had drawn, but nothing ever goes away once it’s posted online and you can access the proof via Internet Wayback machine. We know for a fact there are other books on FFM and some actions have been taken in this regard, but still it takes time to find published books on this site.

Recently Refery decided that Russian archives are not enough for him and started copying all fanworks into FFM without any permission from the authors from numerous sites, like AO3, fanfiction.net, fictionpress.com, fanfiktion.de and likely other web-archives.

Moreover, the authors of these works can not delete their works from FFM and/or manage them. The site is in Russian only and, hence, we strongly believe that non-Russian speaking authors even do not know that their works are reposted somewhere else.

As a Russian fan-community, we have tried to stop such activity of FFM many times; however, we have not been successful in achieving our goal completely. Our most recent achievement is that the FFM’s owner implemented the "Don't copy to another site" tag created specifically for AO3 (here is the link to FFM’s owner post on his personal blog regarding this tag. Please use Ads Blocker!). This tag should be added to each work presented on AO3 in case the author does not want their works to be copied to FFM.

We are of the opinion that no work should be taken without permission in the first place, but this tag is all we’ve got.

Please note that it seems that some time ago there was similar case of unauthorized copying with other site. Please check this link, they give useful advice.

How to prevent copying from AO3

If you check AO3 you may notice that "Don't copy to another site" tag has hugely emerged in the recent weeks, but mostly amongst Russian users and there is a good reason for this: the owner of FFM announced this tag only in Russian and only on his private blog, so naturally there is no way for non-Russian speaking AO3 users to know about this — albeit non-satisfactory — solution.

There are no guaranties that the FFM’s owner won’t change the rules again as has already happened numerous times before (few examples we described above) and that works with this tag won’t be reposted in the future, but for now it’s the only quick and working solution besides making your works visible only to registered users, which is not ideal. 

This situation is highly unpleasant, but we ask you not to delete your works from AO3, because if the work is deleted from AO3 it will be nearly impossible to delete it from FFM: we won't be able to refresh it manually and remove the text.

Please note that adding this tag won’t work for texts that have already been copied. Only users who have accounts at FFM will be able to delete them. Each work needs to be deleted manually.

However, the Russian fandom — except for the owner of FFM — strongly condemns reposts without the consent of the author, so feel free to contact our volunteers (through DM or Ask on our tumblr page) providing the links to the works stolen from AO3, so we could delete them for you.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to cover all authors and works manually. So, we contacted AO3’ Technical Team with the aim to bring their attention to this situation and inform about it all AO3 users, and hope that AO3 team will find a general solution to resolve this problem, possibly, in collaboration with the AO3 lawyers.

We are trying to warn as many authors as possible and recently started spreading this information via comments on AO3; but considering the number of works copied to FFM informing all authors will take considerable time, and we can easily miss someone, especially since the copying is still in progress and new works from AO3 are appearing on FFM every day.

Please help us spread the word!

 We tried to make a comprehensive FAQ about this. Feel free to ask if anything is unclear!

FAQ

Q: Can I check if my work was copied to FFM?

A: Yes, you can.

FFM makes money on Google and Yandex ads, so we recommend turning on the Ads Blocker of your choice before visiting this site.

Please follow this link, insert the title of your work or your AO3/other web-archive nickname into the field containing the words "insert-title-nickname" and hit "Искать" (Search).

For works rated Mature or Explicit you will be able to see only the caption "Текст произведения доступен только зарегистрированным пользователям старше 18 лет" ("The text of the work is available only to registered users over 18 years old"), but FFM users are able to read and download the story.

Q: My work from AO3 was copied. How can I take it down?

A: First of all add the tag "Don't copy to another site" (without “ “) to the stories you want to be taken down.

Actually we would recommend adding this tag to all the works you don't want to be copied.

Contact one of our volunteers (through DM or Ask on our tumblr page) providing links to your works or send an e-mail with your deletion request directly to the FFM owner at refery@fanfics.ru or at AO3. 

There is a third option: to register on FFM and delete the work yourself by hitting the refresh button, but considering that the site is in Russian we do not think it will be very convenient to those who do not speak Russian language.

Q: I got the message that my work has been deleted. How can I check if it is true?

A: You can go to FFM, search for you work, click on its title and scroll down.

After the summary there is a field that should look like this for those fics that have been deleted.

Basically it says that the author of this particular work has forbidden its copying and that only the information on its title, author’s nickname, rating, pairings, summary and the link to original post on AO3 are available. 

For works that are still available on FFM this field looks like this (if the work is open for non-registered users).

Q: My work copied from AO3 was deleted, but FFM still shows some information on it. Can it be deleted?

A: Even though the text of the fic is not going to be on FFM anymore after it has been deleted, the fic's title, author's name, rating, pairings, summary and link to original post on AO3 will remain there.

The deletion of this leftover information can be done only by the site owner himself.

Some Russian authors tried to make him to delete it, but in most cases the FFM’s owner refused them mentioning that publication of such information is in line with fair use concept and doesn’t violate authors’ rights.

We are yet unsure how to delete this leftover information. In case you need it as well, try contacting the FFM owner at refery@fanfics.ru or at AO3. Maybe e-mails of a large number of authors will work, but unfortunately we can’t guarantee anything. In case you need it, we can provide Russian text for you to send by e-mail (please contact our volunteers through DM or Ask on our tumblr page).

Q: My work from fanfiction.net/fictionpress.com/fanfiktion.de/other web-archives was copied to FFM. How can I take it down?

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[dilfbane]

Your Weeping(Your Need For His Touch)

Summary: When things go south on a mission, you have to confront more than just the sketchy town, cartoon villains, and one-bed hotel room you’re forced to share with Loki. You have to come to terms with not only the consequences of being captured, but also the God of Mischief’s feelings for you - Because for all that he might be an asshole, sometimes, he really does have a heart. Written for the Picture Is Worth A 1,000 Words 6k Follower Writing Challenge by @startrekkingaroundasgard 

Pairing: Loki/(Female)Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries and medical treatment, as well as discussions of the inevitable mindset around sacrificing oneself for the mission that I feel like being part of the Avengers would entail. Also swearing, because at its core, this story started out as a bit of a crack! fic. 

Word Count: 7.8k. 

A/N: So apparently when I have mental breakdowns they result in me writing crack-fic that takes a 180 veer into angst and fluff for absolutely no reason. For the sake of the crack-fic, in this timeline Loki was forced to help the Avengers take down bad guys directly after the end of the first Avengers movie, so… Is that a confusing plot hole I didn’t know how to account for except by making this AU? Maybe. Did I do it anyway?…. Yeah. This really was meant to be a crack-fic about Loki and the reader confessing their feelings set in the bizarre world of meme culture, I didn’t realize there were going to be feels in it until it was three in the morning and all of a sudden this happened. That being said, your girl went there, so enjoy! 

“Oh, shit,” You say, as you take in the grimy hotel room. The walls all smeared in what looks like dried blood, the putrid smell of rotten eggs, a crack-screened television with a fine dusting of some suspiciously white powder. And, of course, “There’s one bed.” 

“Hmm?” Asks Loki, turning towards you, briefly, from unpacking. He had dumped his suitcase(Magically plucked out of a chaotic liminal space) unceremoniously on the bed’s scratching, pilling coverlet without so much as a second glance at the rest of the room. And why do you need a suitcase, anyways?? You wonder. It isn’t like we’re planning to be here that long. In fact, you hoped with every fiber of your being that you’d be here for as little time as possible, because this town might actually be the sketchiest place you’ve ever seen in your life; no small feat, for a bona-fide member of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

You’ve kicked alien ass on a mutated purple Mongolian death-worm three thousand feet over New York City. You’ve run reconnaissance to rescue debatably-magical items sequestered away in an ancient cave labyrinth plastered in paintings and untranslatable runes, gunfire and what could only be described as the baying of hellhounds in the near distance. You’ve fist-fought a gigantic hive-mind robot in a field of artificially sentient feral steel suits - You’ve even survived Tony’s parties. 

Yet none of those scenarios hold a candle to this fucking town. 

And Loki, the asshat, seems utterly, competently - no, maniacally - unfazed. 

“There’s one bed,” You repeat, into the air. 

“Ah,” Says Loki, straightening. 

“You don’t see that problem with that?!” 

“Should I?” He asks you, walking across the room in long, graceful strides to stand in front of you. He wears the same expression he always wears, amused and indifferent, but this time with the addition of a single, elegantly-arched eyebrow. You drop your head, refusing to meet his somewhat-curious gaze. It physically hurts, how attractive Loki is. Not for the first time, you curse whatever god decided that you and him would once again be mission partners - in this case, you belatedly realize, and choke back a thick laugh, said god is, unsurprisingly, Thor. 

If you survive this, you make a note to beat his head in with Mjolnir. As it is, you are here in this room with Loki, with perhaps twenty IPP agents and a reckless poisoner dogging your every move, and there’s a high chance that you won’t live long enough to navigate whatever the hell sleeping with your crush-who-has-murdered-men. Ok, so ‘murdered men’ isn’t entirely accurate. More like ‘caused the murder of men inadvertently through his schemes’. It doesn’t seem to make much of a difference, right now. 

And what about Loki? He is still staring you down, like you’re some wind up toy moments away from going off. Funny, that, you think. If ever there were a time to not have a mental breakdown, it would be here, with him. You’ve crossed a lot of moral lines in your life, but you will be damned if you let Loki Laufeysson see you cry. Loki is graceful. Composed. Sarcastic. Lithe. Rolls his eyes at almost every statement that comes out of somebody’s mouth. But he is, also, beautiful. Shockingly comforting, in his own nihilistic way. You don’t know what it says about you that you find comfort in statements like, Try not to die, you know that I hate funerals. Part of you - most of you - doesn’t want to. But it gives you strength, somehow, to shrug off the day and ground your flailing mind in evading Loki’s calculated manipulation. I won’t show you my weakness, you think to yourself. It’s not enough, but it’s a start. 

“No,” You tell him - too quickly, he’ll pick up on that - “You’re right, you shouldn’t. It’s fine. We have - a lot to deal with, is all.” 

Loki nods, seemingly accepting your answer, but his eyes are still narrowed, watching you like he’s calling your bluff. You talk right past that look - have to, to keep yourself sane, to not think about the one bed that looms large over this entire conversation. It doesn’t even look like a comfortable bed. 

“We have two days,” You say, to stop yourself thinking of it. And, also, to talk your way through your disarmingly disjointed thoughts. Loki nods. It would really help if you said something, you think. Swallow the thought, hot and thick, down your throat. What’s the point of a mission partner if you can’t even soundboard off them? “The Pink Cobra could strike anyone, anytime. The IPP is planning something in New York - “ 

“Isn’t everyone, these days, planning something in New York?” 

He sounds regretful, and for half a second you want to offer him the reassurance that his very presence offers you. But you are sure he doesn’t know what he does to you - with his words, with the sidelong glances that you’ve felt linger on your form far too long in the heat of a fight. If you didn’t know any better, you would say Loki worries about you. 

“We have to shut him down,” You say. Focus on the Pink Cobra, because honestly, that’s easier. “Find out where he manufactures. Not get poisoned,” You add, at the end. 

“Yes,” Loki says, tone dripping with sarcasm, “We should certainly try not to get ourselves killed. Failing that, I suppose, we can at least request that no one in H.Y.D.R.A gets autopsy access.” 

“Loki?” You ask. Rhetorically. “You’re not helping.” 

He smirks at you, then. He knows. 

“What do you propose that we do then?” He asks, taking a step towards you, getting so close that you can feel his hot breath. “About the Pink Cobra?” 

“Find him.” You say, fumbling, blush rising high on your cheeks. 

Tonight? 

One bed? 

You are screwed. 

                                                             ***

When you were a kid - think really little, Capri Sun pouches and still believing that true love wasn’t complicated - your father told you that every story needed a good supervillain. You aren’t sure if the Pink Cobra counts as a good supervillain, but he’s the least confusing one that you have to deal with - and, as far as villains go, a fine enough challenge to face. He’s like a madman out of some high fantasy novel, with dark eyes and a sable-sewn cloak and a penchant for poisoning. He is adept in all the arts of the woman’s murder; he has a keen grasp on the side-effects of arsenic and camphor and tansy and cyanide and strychnine. He’s been found to have dropped crystal phials filled with belladonna and ricin while fleeing a scene. If all else fails, he’s more than practiced with daggers. 

In other words, he’s the kind of villain that none of you, with your flying suits and telekinesis and super-strength, are anywhere near prepared to waylay. 

The plan, as far as team Avengers is concerned, is easy: 

You and Loki. This town, where the webs of his manufacturing production and the few glimpses of information that Thor has totally legally excavated out of his captured minions has led to. Two days until some undefined grand attack bears down on the city you live in. Two days to find the Pink Cobra and kill him. The more time passes with no headway, the more you think that this is an impossible task, but you know what Tony would say. We have our best minds on it. 

The thing is, you aren’t sure that that’s true. The minds that have been set to this task are you and the God of Lies. It’s hardly the best they could have come up with, considering your track records. Actually, you take that back - Loki was a good choice for this mission, because, not three hours after arriving in this hellhole of a city, he seems to have somehow developed the ability to read minds. More specifically, yours. And that could prove stunningly useful. 

The scene, as it stands: Loki, sprawled across the lumpy bed, three pairs of crisp white shirts, a plaid scarf, and a full set of Asgardian battle armor neatly hung in the mothball-infested closet, flicking through channels on the grain, cracked television with an apathetic expression and one arm thrown haphazardly over bent leg. Propped up in such a way that he could jump or spin or parry at a moment’s notice, yet perfectly, devastatingly languid, leafing through Nick Fury’s dossier on the Pink Cobra. He looks at you like a god, you think, and then remember. He is one. 

You, on the floor, because on top of all the other things this hotel doesn’t have, like two beds, there isn’t anything even resembling a desk, shifting through a glowing, holographed file archive from headquarters that barely runs on your severely outdated laptop. It’s a point of pride to you, keeping the laptop - not because it’s good, but because it’s survived five years of being an Avenger, which is something not even all the Avengers can claim to have done. You’re also fairly certain that Tony’s attempts to update the firmware had infested it with some sort of renegade virus. Elevated above your screen, the files are split into two groups, the sum total of everything that you know about both of the groups that are avidly trying to kill you. 

There’s the wealth of information containing the Pink Cobra’s poisoning sprees, but those aren’t the files that interest you, and you know that Loki’s not much interested in them either. That honor falls to the fanatics at the IPP, the Imminently Predictable Psyops organization, which you know even less about than you do about the Pink Cobra, chief among which the fact that they need a new name. Imminently Predictable Psyops?, Tony had said, when you’d finally apprehended one of their proxies. What do they think this is? Some type of ARG? 

What you’ve gleaned, from months worth of studying the network, is that they operate as a sort of cringe-oriented death cult intent on ‘reshaping the universe through meme agents’. They’d been on S.H.I.E.L.D’s radar for a long time - upwards of a year - before anyone at team base learned they existed - which, you can almost hear Loki saying, was a failure in the extreme. Currently, it was your job to obsessively worry over whether they were going to send ‘meme agents’ to bust through the door of your seedy hotel room and off you both. You hated - truly loathed - how casually Loki was taking it all. 

He’s acting like nothing was wrong with this situation, when, in fact, you’re ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure that this night will end up with one or both of you dead. It is, to say the least, disconcerting. 

Kill switch, the holograph files read. Cross-referential Neil Cicierega acoustic weaponry. Your mind sees the words, but doesn’t comprehend them, and you run a hand up to rub at your bleary eyes with annoyance. You risk a glance upwards; on the bed, Loki scans page after page after page with disinterested nonchalance, punctuating the flipping over of each document with a noncommittal hum; as if to say, I understand you. As it to say, This could be worse. You try to slip into that mindset. Certainly, things could be worse. 

Actually, though? Not really. 

Because, for all the world, the holo-file in front of you just said ‘Pepe The Frog Chaos Banking Laser Initiative’. 

“What the fuck does that even mean?!” 

“Sorry?” 

You whip your head around. Loki, raising an eyebrow. Damn that - perfect - eyebrow. 

“Sorry,” You echo back at him, rubbing your eyes again, perversely glad for the break, even if it is this awkward. “I … said that out loud, didn’t I?” 

“Marginally,” He tells you. “Yes.” 

“Sorry,” You - well, it’s not a whine, not exactly. You’re tired, and there’s no way you’re going to sleep tonight, so you feel like your tone’s justified. “I didn’t mean to do that. I think I’m just - this is. Completely nonsensical.” 

“Show me?” He asks, and you snort. He could totally just look up, but - 

“Do you have a P.h.d in memes?” You ask him, and, before he can answer, “Because unless you have a P.h.d in memes, I don’t think you’ll be able to help.” 

“You’d be surprised,” Loki says. Vaults over the bed with the speed and grace of a panther, filling the air with a cringing wheeze as the rusty springs bend underneath him, and landing in front of the holo-file, pushing you aside slightly to get a better view. When his fingers brush against your side, cool and firm, you flinch. 

“Tired,” You offer, when he shoots you a momentarily concerned look. “Just. Need to sleep, later, I think.” 

But Loki is already scanning the file, and when he looks up, not five seconds later, you want to hit somebody. Preferably, you think, him. 

“I would assume,” Loki says, “That they’re using time travel in order to obtain and store monetary value by way of a Pepe-the-frog inspired laser array.” 

“Oh,” You say. You blink once. Blink twice. Still have no idea what that means. “Right.” 

“Do you not know your memes, love?” He asks you, smirking. And oh, if you don’t feel things. 

“I don’t go on the internet, much,” You tell him. “Too busy, you know, trying not to get killed.”

 Loki shrugs. Sidles away from the file. The groan and squeak of those springs tells you he’s back on the bed, giving you some well-needed space, but you can’t bring yourself to look. 

“You can sleep,” He says, “If you want.” 

“Ha!” You yelp/choke/embarrassingly bleat out into the room’s stale silence. Underneath the rotten eggs, you catch a whiff of bong-water. “No.” 

“There’s a bed,” Loki says, cocking his head pointedly and patting the lumpy covers. 

“Yeah, that’s - kind of the problem.” 

“Why?” He asks you. 

“You - really?” 

“I was only asking,” Says Loki, re-focusing his attention on whichever Pink Cobra document’s next in the folder. “If you aren’t comfortable telling me - I merely thought, seeing as you were tired, you might take this opportunity to rest.” 

“Yeah,” You  tell him, “Of course, that’s - nice of you.” 

It comes out stilted. Patently off. If he notices, he doesn’t say. 

“Are you going to - um. Do you need help, with the rest? The ones I have seem kind of hopeless. I mean,” You say, when he doesn’t look up, “I don’t think that we have to worry about getting demolished by trans-dimensional Agarthian wormholes.” 

“Of course not,”” Loki says, scoffing and incredulous, gaze, you are sure, on his page. “If they wanted to kill us, they’d send someone with a gun.” 

In reality, it’s several someones. 

                                                             ***

“You jinxed it,” Is the first thing you tell him, when the men leave you. They’ve thrown you into a one-room warehouse, rickety shelves stacked with cartoonish tubs of green goop and mildewing boxes filled with grenades and machine guns and what appears, at second-glance, to be twelve-fingered latex gloves. You’re tied wrist to wrist, ankle to ankle, and your throat feels uncharacteristically parched. Fear, you tell yourself. Apprehension. “Can’t you just - use your seidr to magic us out of this?” 

If you could see him - which you can’t, because you’ve been tied back to back - you’d swear that Loki was glaring. 

“Do you - do you have a plan?” You ask, after a moment. 

“I’m working on it,” He says. 

“That’s all?” You say. “We were dragged out of our drug-dealer’s hotel room by a bunch of robed men with guns and the only thing you have to say is ‘I’m working on it?’” 

“I’d get it done faster,” Says Loki, “If you wouldn’t interrupt me.” 

“Ok,” You tell him, “No interrupting you. Got it. That’s - Alright.” 

Unfortunately, not interrupting him is easier said than done, because without the sound of your voice, you are left to your thoughts. 

The men had broken in nearly immediately after Loki’s glib, sardonic retort to your worries, shooting the glass out of the room’s already half-smashed-in window and kicking the door in simultaneously. A bit much, isn’t it?, Loki’d asked, and you had wanted to smack yourself on the forehead. Really not the time, you had hissed, but Loki hadn’t seemed to hear you. Do you do this with everyone they send you to assassinate?, he had asked, instead. The men had been dressed in long, billowing cloaks of bright red, embroidered with orange snakes framing a picture of Beaker from the muppets with early 2000’s emo hair. Chaotic meme agents, you had thought to yourself. So that’s what they’re supposed to look like. 

You hadn’t picked up, until now, on the snakes. 

“They’re working together,” You say, when you can’t stand the playback of Loki being disarmed after spinning and tossing his silver daggers at the men, of the men kneeing him in the balls and twisting your arms behind your back, holding a gun to your head to stop you from trying to fight. Waking up in the back of a van that smelled like microwaved fish. Being tossed like garbage onto the floor of the warehouse, painted in bruises and cuts from the small pieces of glass that had dug their way into your skin. “The IPP and the Pink Cobra.” 

“Obviously,” Loki says. Sharply. 

“Did Tony not -“ 

“Stark,” Loki practically growls, and, ok, you’re not losing it but that did make you jump in your skin, “Is an idiot. He wouldn’t know how to connect the dots if they were presented to him in a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode.” 

“That’s - You had that on Asgard?” You ask him, momentarily distracted. You wish that you could see Loki’s face, and are very glad that you can’t. 

“That isn’t the point,” Loki says. 

“I know,” You tell him. You’re scared that your voice is trembling. Scared that he can tell, even though he’s not facing you, how badly your fingers are shaking. Scared that he knows your worst, biggest secret - 

That, despite being an Avenger, you are anxious. That, despite him being Loki, despite him being here, and wonderfully, infuriatingly himself, he cannot help you, this time. 

You are going to die, covered in cuts and abrasions, on the floor of a meme network’s headquarters, at three a.m in the morning. They are going to come in with umbrellas that shoot poison darts or the ex-presidents Point Break masks and mow you down, and Loki has no fucking plan. You feel the ropes tighten where they’re knotted, itchy and fierce, and you have to fight to keep yourself from whining in terror and nerves. Whining isn’t what Loki needs right now. Whining’s not going to save you. 

What is going to save you, you try and remind yourself, is Loki. If you can shut up. If you can let him decipher what needs to be done. If he can figure out some way to do it before the blowtorch-wielding robed vigilantes or some disincarnate meme god comes back and draws their electronically-sharpened fingernails across your throat hard enough to split skin and sinew, send waves of blood down the front of your shirt like a river of sweet, thick red honey and toss your corpse in a ditch by a highway and - 

“Y/N?” It is foggy, barely-heard. Posh. “Y/N!” Louder, this time. There are fingers on your wrist, bent backwards to grip you. Squeezing, insistent and there. “Breathe.” 

Fuck, you think. You’d started to hyperventilate. To shake, with a full-body tremor that forecasts a great, unstoppable wave of sobbing panic. And Loki had noticed. “I need you to trust me,” He says. “Trust me to get us out of this. Can you do that for me, darling?” 

He has never called you darling before, but God how you’ve wanted him to. You feel like you’re being stabbed in the heart - because there is no way he means it, no way that this is anything other than a desperate and cruel attempt to get you to calm down. Something that belies how obvious you are. How needy you are. How pathetic. And yet - 

And yet, he doesn’t say it meanly. He speaks like he cares about you, and in the face of your impending death, you want to think Loki cares. You’d let him say anything, do anything to you, right now. More than that, though, more than any of that - as you think back to meeting him, to your blossoming late-night friendship and twitchy banter and the quiet moments you’ve shared with him in-between battles - 

“I trust you, Loki,” You tell him, and feel your breath quiet in you. Feel yourself growing still and calm with the certainty that Loki will do as he’s said. 

That you will survive this. 

That -

“Good,” Loki says. Not relieved, but determined. Leaving you no room to argue. 

“So what do we do?” You ask him. 

“Nothing,” Says Loki, and you can hear his wide grin. 

“Nothing?” You ask him, gawking.

 “Nothing,” Says Loki. He gives your hand a tight squeeze. 

And then the Pink Cobra walks in. 

                                                             ***

This will end badly, you think. It’s about the only thing that you can think, preoccupied as you are with - 

It might be easier not to - 

Fuck. 

The thing is - and you really do try not to move, not to groan, not to scream - the thing is, you thought that when Loki said he had a plan, that said plan wouldn’t involve you being collateral damage for a LARP-er who’d most likely broken out of an asylum. I wish that we could be back in that shitty one-bed hotel room, you think to yourself, and - alright, not the best timing, but it rips a laugh out of you, spiraling and unhinged, before you feel the Pink Cobra, resplendent in coral cloak and villainous swagger, slug you one in the jaw. It hurts worse than you’d thought it would - you’ve never really gotten injured on missions, you’re usually good at talking yourself out of things, which is why the Avengers keep you around. You can speak any language, as long as you’ve heard it once, and your customary daily awkwardness can shift into persuasion like flicking a light-switch on. 

Usually, though, you had an opportunity to speak, and weren’t rendered speechless by - 

Loki, if you’re being honest. How much you want to kiss him. How much of an asshole he is. Trust me, he’d asked you. Can you do that for me? The Pink Cobra’s grip is sharp and bruising on your side; he’s slipped his fingers up your shirt and is pressing the point on your side that threatens to make your knees buckle, making bile rise up in your throat, driving you wild with the aching need to flee. He has one hand clasped over your mouth, now that you’ve quieted, and you can feel something - pain, and a pill - pressed snugly into his palm. He will force it down you, you know, if Loki so much as sighs wrong. 

You’ll never trust him again. 

You wish that you knew what the time was. If you end up dying at 4:20, you’re going to throw fists with somebody in hell. 

You wish, also, for aspirin. Avengers training has left you woefully unprepared for the reality of getting punched in the face. You can already feel your jaw starting to swell, taste an egregious amount of blood. You’re pretty sure that the force of the blow knocked a tooth out. 

What strikes fear into you, though - a fear somehow deeper than the absolutely bone-chilling, blood-curdling knowledge of what the Pink Cobra might do to you - is the look you’d seen on Loki’s face in the seconds after he’d grabbed you, before it fell into practiced, amused apathy. He’d gone white, and his eyes had blown wide. His fingers had spasmed with anger. 

He’d looked as scared as you feel. 

And you have no idea why. 

It isn’t like you’re anyone special. Not any more than the rest of the team. Less so than most of them. You aren’t a god, like Loki and Thor are. You don’t have stealth-assassin training, like Bucky, or super-strength like Steve. You can’t seamlessly pilot mechanical suits over the New York skyline like Tony, or use a crossbow like Clint, or beat thirty people in single-hand combat like Nat, or change into a nitro-fueled rage machine like Bruce. 

You can’t do anything, much. 

Except, apparently, die.

You squeeze your eyes shut, not letting yourself look at him. You won’t let Loki’s disinterested face be the last thing that you see. It makes the Pink Cobra’s words all the worse, when he speaks. His voice is dark and sick and timbered, and you feel maggots crawling over your skin as he slots you closer to his body, tightening his already painful grip on you so that you can’t move even an inch away from his tensed, coiled muscles. 

“So,” He says, “You are superheroes? How long did it take me, to apprehend you? Ah - three and a half hours? Tell your boss-man, do better next time.” 

“I’ll pass it along,” Loki says. His voice sounds different. You can’t place why. Still won’t look. 

“You won’t,” The Pink Cobra says. You can feel his shoulders rise, then fall. Feel him smirk. You love Loki’s smirk - secretly delight in drawing it from him, sometimes - but the Pink Cobra’s only fills you with yet more terror. You’ve pursed your lips tightly shut against the intrusion of his hand, but when Loki speaks he forces your bruised, bleeding jaw open and shoves the pill into your mouth. The pain of your injury tears through you like white lightning and you thrash, trying to escape. A keening sound claws its way out of you, fevered and anguished, and you feel your hands, still bound up in ropes, trying in vain to push off and away. The man behind you sighs, and then aims a swift kick at the back of your knees, which sends you down before you can so much as yelp. Your knees hit the floor, and he’s holding you by your hair now, twisting it so hard that you’re almost sure he’ll scalp you. He’s pulled something - too big to be be a knife, some kind of shortsword?! - Out from beneath his cloak, and is pressing it up against the column of your throat. You feel the weight of the capsule between your teeth heavily now, and realize what it means in the split-second before the Pink Cobra bends and whispers, Your choice; stale and rancid into the shell of your ear. 

Next, he addresses Loki. 

“You’ll be wanting to know what our plan is,” He says. Our, you think. We were right. “Hmm? I know how you people are. Always wanting to know. Tell me this, Mischief Man. What will I get, if I tell you? What price are you willing to pay?” 

You know what this is. You know it like the ache in your heart when Loki brushes you off. Like the safety you feel in his arms. You open your eyes. Take in Loki’s face - he’s trying to hide, but you know, you know how he feels. You know what he’s going to choose. 

And you know that you can’t let him choose it. 

“You’ll let her go,” Loki asks, “If we let you leave here?” 

“The thing could be managed.” 

No, you think. No, Loki, don’t! Whatever the Pink Cobra’s going to do, whatever the IPP’s planning, knowing’s worth more than your life. 

“One thing I want to know,” Loki says. He’s twirling a knife of his own, a slim silver number he keeps on him at all times, and you feel the blade on your own throat start to dig in - not enough to draw blood, but enough for you to feel it. The threat of it. The promise of it, and the coldness of the gleaming metal. “You and the IPP? How does it fit?” 

“You want information from me?” The Pink Cobra asks. Lets his blade bite you, just barely, and the strength it takes for you not to scream is more strength then you’d known you possess. 

“Yes,” Says Loki. “It’s not like I’m asking for much.”

He meets your gaze. You meet his. You hope that he cannot read it. His eyes are so worried, so desperate, you nearly break down. 

“I suppose,” The Pink Cobra says, “That you’ve earned it. Getting here - getting this far - it must have been no easy task. Fine. There is no Imminently Predictable Psyops organization. They were a - what do you call it? Red herring? A scent of blood for the shark.” 

“You fabricated them,” Loki says. “Why would you fabricate them?” 

He is losing his composure, you can tell. You will never be ready for this. He will never be ready for this. You hope that he will forgive you, and you know that he never will, and you swallow the pill in your mouth. 

“Because it was fun,” The Pink Cobra says. 

And then your body knows pain. 

                                                             ***

“He didn’t think I would do it,” You say. Your mouth feels thick, clotted with blood and shock, and your body is one raw, gaping wound, but the giddy feeling of victory has begun to course through your veins. Pure, unfiltered adrenaline. You had waited for the moment of death to come, and it hadn’t. The pill is fake, your mind had screamed. But there’d been one thing left, that might work. You had breathed as slowly as you possibly could, forced every muscle of your scared, writhing body into single-minded limpness, rolled your eyes backwards into your head,  drew one last breath in, and fallen. Twitched, for a few seconds, like a rag-doll. Then made yourself still. 

Loki had slit the Pink Cobra ear to ear, beaten him within an inch of his life as he bled out, screaming like a man deranged. He’d left him a wet, bloody mess on the floor, and the blood had run down the not-quite-steady plane of it, pooling around you and mixing with the blood from your jaw, from the evening’s earlier glass cuts, from the deep, burning stab wound the Cobra had got on your arm. 

You breathe, and your body knows pain. 

You look at Loki, and your body knows pain. 

He is shaking. Visibly shaking. His hands are clenched into fists at his side, and he looks as pale as bleached bones. His eyes are shot red - he had sobbed, when you fell, and a howl had torn through his body. You don’t know what to do, what it means, what the hell even to say to him. His cheeks are tear-stained, his breaths ragged. 

You blink, and your body feels pain. 

“We won,” You croak out. “Loki, we won.” It hurts worse than anything you’ve ever felt in your life. “I think he broke one of my ribs.” 

You don’t mean to say that last part, but you do, and you are the one crying now, because it feels like he probably has, and you can barely even stay awake through this pain. It feels like the Hulk is pulling you limb from limb. Like all of those nightmares you’ve had where Loki decided to leave you - to go back to Asgard, and never speak to you again. 

Stupid, you think. He won’t, again. Not after this. 

Loki still hasn’t spoken. He’s looking at you, and his eyes are wild. Desperately, jaggedly roaming your body. His fists twitch with every new part of your body they land on. 

“That bad, huh - Oh, fuck.” 

And just like that, the tension leaves Loki’s body. The dam that had held him firmly in place is broken, and he’s running towards you with none of his usual grace. Dropping down by your side. He hoists you, and you hiss, and the tears won’t stop coming, so you bury your face in his shirt, nose pressed at the crisply ironed collar. Don’t care that it’s bleeding, because Loki’s here now. Holding you. Keeping you real. He’s got one hand stroking your hair and his touch feels right, nothing like the Pink Cobra’s, and he’s whispering: You brave, precious, idiot, how dare you, how dare you throw your life away like that?! 

“It worked,” You exhale - it’s the most you can manage. You would laugh, if it wouldn’t shred you to pieces. Loki cradles you fiercely, hands grasping at the sweat-and-blood soaked fabric of your shirt, running over you as if he doesn’t believe you’re alive. “It - hurts,” You get out. Barely. “Loki, it - I can’t -“ 

“Don’t,” He tells you. His voice has gone brittle, choked with thorns. “Don’t talk. Don’t - Don’t ever do that again. Do you hear me? You will never do that again.” 

If I need to, I will, you think. And you wonder if that’s why you’re here. Wonder if that’s why you’re strong. You wonder, and hurt, and believe. Feel the strength of him, clutching you like you’re the only thing in the world, taking in greedy lungfuls of your weeping, your need for his touch. 

You can’t talk, anymore. It hurts too badly. But you surge, upwards, up into where he’s holding the back of your head, pressing your forehead into the dark, warm space under his jaw that smells like smoke and peppermint. Loki is taller than you are - you fit right into the curve of his neck, and his long curls curtain you in a bubble of warmth and content. 

“Promise,” You say, but it comes out unintelligible, and Loki’s hands are running, so gently, over your skin. 

“What was your plan?” You ask him, forcing it out of your body. 

“Hush,” Loki says, “Later.” 

There might not be any later, you think. Not like this. 

                                                             ***

In the hotel room, an ocean of scattered pages and ceiling mold and blessed privacy, you balance, cross-legged, on the bed. The wind blows wet and cold from an earlier rain through the busted out window. You have managed this out of sheer stubborn-ness, because it is the most that Loki allowed you to do. You’d passed out, twice, on the journey back - he had magicked you there, though it had taken a considerable amount of effort that you weren’t sure you really deserved - and had immediately propped you up on the pillows and stooped to ruffle through his suitcase, emerging not long after with binding tape, cat-gut thread, and a needle so sharp you could feel it slicing your flesh. You had opened your mouth to protest, but Loki had silenced you with a glare that could fell Director Fury. So you had gone quiet, and caved, letting him kneel over you on the distinctly lumpy mattress and begin inspecting your wounds. It had taken a few tries and a Please to convince him to let you sit on your own, and it hurt much more than the manner in which he’d arranged you. You were starting to, slightly, regret it. 

“You don’t have to do this,” You say, pulling it from bleeding lips. He shushes you with a harsh, stern tut. “You’re not my mother,” You tell him. 

“You could have died,” Loki says. There’s a snarling undercurrent to it that you can’t even start dissecting. “What were you thinking?” He asks. It is easier, though still painful, for you to answer him - he had used nearly half of his Thor-limited magic reserve to perform a basic stasis spell on your injuries, but the spell wouldn’t last forever. You’ll need stitches, he’d said, choking it out like he was the hurt one when he’d seen the number the Cobra’s blade had done to your arm. 

“I’ve had worse,” You say, grinning weakly. 

“Are you lying to me?” He asks you, with the tone of someone who’s distinctly not in the mood for joking. 

“I thought,” You say. Steel yourself. “I thought you weren’t going to do what needed to be done. So I - Did it myself.” 

“What needed to be done.” Loki says, enunciating every word. 

“We couldn’t let him walk away,” You say, meeting his eyes. Emerald, clouded with fury. You don’t let yourself flinch from that anger. You don’t let yourself run from your choice. “You know what he would have done.” 

“I don’t,” Loki says. “I know nothing. I know - I know that you think that your life means so little I wouldn’t care if you were gone. That I could - Live, without you.” 

That’s… different. 

“And I know,” Loki continues, “That I told you to trust me, and I meant it.” 

“I do,” You say. There is no hesitation. “I trust you - Loki. Of course I trust you. It’s not - it wasn’t -“ 

“Stop talking,” He snaps. Gentles, when you jerk your head away, blink back a fresh wave of tears. “You need rest,” He says. “And - This is. This is going to hurt.” 

You nod. 

“Best get it over with, then.” 

“You should keep your eyes closed,” He says. 

“No! I want - I need to look.” You bring your eyes up to your arm, which he’s settled onto bed’s chewed, scratchy quilt without you realizing, but Loki tilts your head up with a barely-there graze of his fingers, achingly gentle to avoid aggravating your swollen jaw. He holds your gaze for a long time. Doesn’t look mad, anymore. 

“Are you sure?” He asks you. Like all of this could be over with, if you wanted. 

“How bad it could it be?” You ask back. 

The injury is horrendous. You’d thought - honest-to-God, you’d thought the pain was terrible, but you weren’t ready for what your arm has become. The line of the wound runs in a craggy jigsaw from just under your shoulder to the tip of your elbow. Small wonder you can’t move it, can barely think through it at all. 

“Y/N?” Loki asks, “Are you -“ 

“Fine,” You say. Blink, and your body knows pain. Try not to let how scared you are show, when you look back up at Loki. The Pink Cobra’s dead. You shouldn’t be scared, anymore. “It’s really bad, isn’t it?” 

Loki sighs. Long and low and sad. 

“Will I have to - “ 

“Bite,” Loki says, and shoves something - the sleeve of his shirt, crusted in blood which you realize, sickeningly, is yours - into your mouth. “It’ll help.” 

It doesn’t, but he holds your hand through it, hushing you through the pain with furrowed eyebrows, thread and needle flying deftly through skin, air, skin again. His fingers move precisely, deliberate,  quick, and when, on one stitch, you audibly whimper, he pauses to lean down and press a soft, utterly unexpected kiss to your hairline. You are unable to fully express how much it means to you, so you do the next best thing and kiss him yourself, pressing him back once he’s finished the last of his stitches and breathing all the the words you can’t say into him. You press every fear and gratitude and lingering nerve into the warmth of his lips, wending your fingers through his dark hair despite the pangs of agony still thrumming through every inch of your body. Your face hurts, but the kiss is all you’ve ever needed and more, and Loki is so, so gentle with you, pulling away with creased eyebrows and a look of genuine concern. 

“I wanted to,” You tell him, mustering all of your strength. “It didn’t hurt.” 

“Stop,” He tells you, voice cracking, “Stop lying.” 

“I’m not,” You say. “I wanted to, Loki, I did.” 

“And you wanted to -“ 

“No.” You are vehement about it, for a broken-ribbed, broken-jawed, freshly-stitched person coming off the high of his teeth and his tongue. “Not that, I swear, never that.”

 “Why did you do it, then?” Loki asks. He has steepled his fingers under his chin, and his narrowed eyes pierce through you to the soul. You couldn’t lie to this man, you think, if your life depended on it. 

You know that you have to tell him, this time. Really tell him. You don’t. 

“”Why didn’t you use your magic?”

“You know why,” He says, and you do. You’d remembered it as the white pill turned to white powder in your gums, as the Pink Cobra’s knife had carved its way into your flesh. Thor had put a set limit on it, as condition of Loki’s release - Proof, he had said, We can trust you. Loki had thought to save it for later, that you wouldn’t need him right then. He had thought you’d talk them out, to safety. 

You’d failed him. 

“You didn’t,” He tells you, voice raw. He goes to grip your chin, to force you to listen to him, but with a glance and ill-concealed wince at your purpled jaw he thinks better of it. “You think that you failed me? You let yourself be - be beaten and stabbed - just so people you’ve never met in your life wouldn’t die, and you call that a failure?” He runs a hand through his hair. Bites back a snarl. Drops your arm. “I need you to listen to me,” Loki says, “Very, very carefully. You’re going to tell me why now, love. And then we’re going to fix it.” 

You raise an eyebrow. Worse than he does, you’re aware. 

“Sleep,” He amends, with a pointed look at the bed underneath you, “And then we’re going to fix it.” 

“There’s only one bed,” You tell him, “And I feel like I just got run over by a truck.” 

Loki huffs, a puff of warm air that you feel, from how close he still is. A grin twitches at the edge of his lips. It sets off sparks inside you. 

“I thought -“ You say. Shake your head, and restart. “You would have let the Pink Cobra attack. You would have let him just walk away, and I couldn’t just - let that happen.” 

“Enlightening.” 

“No,” You tell him, “I mean it. I couldn’t - I’m not - I’m not worth more than anyone else. We’re the Avengers. It’s our job to save people, Loki.” 

He’s regarding you carefully, eyes still narrowed, all vestiges of softness gone from his face. When he opens his mouth, it’s to close it. Form thoughts. Discard them. Exhale. 

“My mother once told me,” He finally says, “That I would never know what it meant to be human until I found the person who made me want to bleed the world dry. Take all of its’ suffering, all of its’ cruelty, and leech it out of the very fabric of time, just to keep that person from anguish, from harm.” 

“I don’t -“ 

He holds a hand up. You still. 

“She never said they would infuriate me,” Loki says. “She never said they would make me laugh, or smile, or question my sanity on a regular basis. She never said that they’d try and get themselves killed, and that I’d have to watch, and that I would feel like my heart was being ripped from my body and torn to a bloody pulp; that I would make the sky rain blood and fire at the sight of it alone. But she was right about one thing - Many things, but also this. She told me that it wouldn’t matter. That I would - love you - anyway.” 

“You don’t,” You say, not daring to hope. It’s an automatic retort. 

“Foolish girl,” Loki chides, and you blink back fresh, stinging tears. How long have you wanted to hear Loki say that to you? How many sneaky looks have you stolen in the heat of your missions, just to see his smart mind and tricky magic at work? How many nights have you sat up together, sequestered from your insomnia in a bubble of hard-earned banter and peppermint tea, fighting the tight, coiling urge to push aside your steaming mugs and pull him into your needing? 

He could not - he can’t - feel the same. 

“Loki,” You say, stumbling over the words, “You can’t - This is - This is me we’re talking about.” 

“Is there anyone else here,” Loki asks you, “That I could be talking about?” He seems nonchalant, now, as if this - this cruel fucking joke, when you already feel you’re on fire - is merely a fact of his life. “We’re going to leave this excuse of a town, and get you - proper care. Fix it. Because I will not, on my honor, watch you suffer in pain. But first, you’re going to sleep.” 

“There’s only one bed,” You tell him, and feel your resolve as it shatters. You cling to the statement like it’s the last remnant of the girl you were and the woman that you’ll never be, “And the shower doesn’t work. And I’m covered in blood.” 

But when you look at Loki, his eyes twinkle, mischievous. 

“Will you stay with me?,” You ask him, biting your lip. 

“You astound me,” He tells you, and rolls his eyes, and it feels - it feels normal. Good. A tender heat unfurls in your heart like orchid petals in the sun, numbing the persistent ache in your ribcage. “To even think that I would do anything else.” 

Later, you will ask him why. Why do you love me?, you will ask, and Loki will hum, low in his throat, curled around you just like this first night; your back pressed into his chest, your legs tangled up hopelessly, his fingers tracing nonsense patterns onto your spine in the dawn-light’s syrupy gold. Because, he will tell you, trailing a line of soft kisses up the scar on your arm - an ugly thing, but it functions, mostly, and only ever seems to hurt on the days when he isn’t there - I was given no choice. 

But if you’d had one?”, You will ask, and spin around, propping yourself on your elbow. 

You tempt me, He’ll tell you, baring his sharp teeth. Shouldn’t you know better than that? 

You will lie there, next to each other, not needing a single word. Because you will know. Because he will have told you, a thousand times, a thousand ways, exactly how he feels about you. 

Tonight, though, isn’t that night. It takes a moment to get settled in his hold, and the rain spits and drums against what glass remains in your window, slicking the carpet with dark, greasy splotches. It figures, you think, that even the rain in this city has the smell and the texture of oil. You feel like a bag of bones, stretched too thin. But safe, in his arms, in a way that you’ve never felt, before now. Loki is with you, you realize. Wrapped around you like a traveler’s cloak, the comforting weight of a slim, balanced blade at your side in a fight. He is cool, around your afraid. Warm, where his clever fingers whine and needle their way through your skin to your heart. 

“I hate you,” You tell him, “You know that?” 

Loki laughs, a deep, rumbling purr. 

“Go to sleep.”

[masterhandss]

HameFura LN5 - A Lady for Nicol (theory)

While we all love all the harem members for Katarina, but in the end she’s just one person and only one person can reign as the victor of her heart. 

One of my most favorite theories/observations that came from the bakarina reddit discord is the importance of the “Lady” from Light Novel Volume 5, who was the main character alongside Nicol is their chapter in that book. The lady isn’t given a name or a physical description in her chapter which could indicate that her role is merely that of a plot device in order to prevent Nicol from giving up on Katarina’s hand. Her constant support and encouragement of Nicol’s feelings is what encourages him to continue pursuing her despite already graduating in the academy by Volume 5, cementing Nicol’s place in the harem, and yet for some people this chapter implied something else; feeling like this lady will be a contender for Nicol’s end-game love interest once Katarina chooses. 

A few users on the discord pointed out how wonderful it would be for Nicol to end up with this Lady, given how strong and admirable her personality was build up to despite only appearing for a single chapter. She’s smart, honest, independent and can carry a conversation; which is a lot of traits that Nicol seems to like in a partner. 

It is possible that this Lady will never be named and become her own character (unless the Second Season of the anime adapts his chapter and introduces her to everyone as a filler scene), but it is still possible for her to return as a future candidate for Nicol’s partner as the series eliminates the competition for Katarina’s heart. 

Despite all this though, who could really say that we don’t know this character yet? 

I propose that as of Volume 9 (the most recent JP release of the novels), we already know who the Lady from Volume 5 is! 

It’s all just a matter of observation/elimination!

Spoilers for the light novels and a lil bit from the webnovel!

Edit (2/13/21): I added a lil more!

I believe that the identity of the Lady that Nicol met during his matchmaking meetings is none other than Fray Randall, the student council president of the Magic Academy in Volume 6. 

Quick note, J-Novels translated Fray’s name to “Fray Landoor”, but its supposed to be Fray Randall. I mean without even pulling out the kanji for Fray’s surname, you read it out loud ‘Landoor’ as “Ran-do-ru” in japanese, in the same way you’d read ‘Randall”. Regardless if you pull out a raw version of the novels or google translate both surnames, you get the same characters of “ランドール“, proving that Fray is from the Marquis of Randall. The connection is even more undeniable considering the fact that Fray is described as a girl with black hair and blue eyes in LN6, just like Suzanna. 

Part 1 - Fray and the Lady

First, lets establish what we know about the Lady:

She is from a high ranking family

She is a member of the Student Council in Katarina’s final year in the Academy (an underclassman that is close with Katarina)

She gives an allusive, strong and resilient impression

She is very intelligent, talented and has a high magical aptitude (evident in the fact that she is in the Student Council)

She is very curious and perceptive about other people

She admires Lana Smith (Suzanna Randall)

She is very supportive of Nicol’s feelings for Katarina

She has no intention of marrying and wants to work independently in the Magic Ministry

She is the 5th and last candidate for Nicol’s fiancee

Before going to Fray, I just want to establish something for those who do not know: Light Novel Volume 6 isn’t the first time we’ve seen Fray. She, as well as her best friend Ginger, are already well established characters even before the Volume 5 was published, because those two characters comes from an extra web novel chapter that was not adapted into the first arc (the first two books) of the novels. The extra chapter is called “About the Duke’s Daughter” which tells the tale of Ginger Tucker’s experience of meeting Katarina. The chapter itself doesn’t introduce anything new about Fray, other than the fact that the Randalls are a Marquis Family, but the chapter will come up again later. 

Now, lets establish what we know about Fray Randall:

She is from the Marquis of Randall, a high ranking family

She is the next president of the Student Council in Katarina’s final year in the Academy (an underclassman that is close with Katarina)

She is well-mannered, polite and charming

She is very intelligent, talented and has a high magical aptitude (evident in the fact that she is in the Student Council)

She is quite perceptive when it comes to the feelings of her tsundere friend Ginger

She is most likely related to Suzanna Randall (as they share the same last name; either sisters or cousins)

She is very supportive of Ginger’s feelings for Katarina

I probably don’t need to make a chart to emphasize the similarities of these two characters (but i’ll still compare anyways). I know not everything lines up, especially when it comes to their personality. We haven’t seen too much of Fray to write a perfectly accurate description of her, all we know is that she behaves like a perfect noblewoman in front of others but is also quite cheeky when it comes to teasing her friend Ginger about her admiration for their Katarina-senpai. 

That isn’t to say that there are no other similarities between them! Nicol has noted a few times how smart sounding and well-mannered the lady is, which while does apply to most ladies, it should still be considered. Both Fray and the Lady have perfect etiquette, but has a more energetic and outspoken personality. The Lady reminds me a lot of Suzanna Randall, and that comparison makes me feel like the Lady could be Fray, because of how likely it is that Suzanna’s little sister/cousin could be as brazen and independent as she is. 

Both Fray and the Lady are open minded people. the Lady does not care about the existing culture of high society and wants to act independently. Fray does not care about the culture of high society and accepts Ginger despite her normal appearance and low status. 

Both Fray and the Lady as very supportive of another’s characters feelings for Katarina, aka Ginger and Nicol respectively. Both characters insisted that their friends accept their feelings of love/admiration, and to act on them. Anyone who has seen either the web novel chapter knows that Fray and Ginger are very close to Katarina and the harem, which is important because the Lady specifically got all the tea about Nicol liking Katarina from Sophia. 

Both Fray and the Lady are from high ranking families. Specifically, Fray is a Marchioness, which is a rank higher than Nicol. 

Speaking of the Marquis of Randalls, the Lady has voiced her admiration about her idol:  a woman who works for the Magic Ministry but isn’t of a high ranking family. She is most likely talking about Lana Smith (aka Suzanna’s alter ego). The Lady mentions that her family highly opposes her desires to work in the Ministry and insists that she marries instead. 

Suzanna in Volume 3 and 4 implies the same things: despite her desires to study magic, she is forced by her parents to attend matchmaking events in order to find a fiancée (which ended up becoming Geoffrey) and it is not hard to surmise that her family is one of the reasons she hides her identity in the Ministry. If Fray is from the same family, then she will most likely be receiving the same treatment. 

We cannot say whether of not the Lady admiring Lana Smith is an indication that she knows who Lana is. There is the possibility that the Lady admires Lana but isn’t aware of her identity at all, but there’s also the possibility that the Lady does know who Lana is and gave Lana’s fake story as to not blow her cover. If the Lady really is Fray, then both sides of the theory can do wonders for her character. 

Both Fray and the Lady are smart and magically-talented, as you can tell by the fact that they are both in the Student Council. In fact, Fray is so smart and talented that she will eventually succeed Gerald as President in the Magic Academy! Doesn’t that remind anybody of a certain Randall who is also a prodigy?

Part 2 - Katarina’s Underclassmen in the Student Council

Speaking of the Student Council, one of my key arguments as to why I think Fray Randall is Nicol’s Lady from Volume 5 is because of the web novel chapter “About the Duke’s Daughter” featuring Ginger. In the light novels, Fray was introduced in Volume 6 while the Lady is introduced in Volume 5. Since the web novel chapter was never published, LN6 is the new introductions of Fray and Ginger.

In the anime and light novels, it is identified that in Sirius and Nicol’s batch, there were 7 members of the student council (Sirius, Nicol, Girl 1, Girl 2, Boy 1, Boy 2 and Boy 3), and in Katarina’s batch there is 6 student council members (Gerald, Keith, Alan, Mary, Sophia and Maria). With that we can assume that their is typically 6-7 new freshmens to join the student council every year (push it to 6-8 if you want but I’m going with 7)

First draft of my fan designs for Ginger Tucker and Fray Randall btw :DD

I made Fray look too sweet in this doodle, she’s a sass-pants I swear!

Like I already said before, both Fray and the Lady are members of the student council, who are close to Katarina. Knowing only the light novels, one might assume that it is impossible to determine how many members Fray and Ginger’s batch of council freshmens are, but in reality its pretty easy. 

I’m not going to say that out of the freshmens, Katarina is only close to Fray and Ginger, since they are the only ones to show up in Volume 6, but I will agree that it is likely. If we go by the estimates of 6-8 council members per batch, we’ll go in the middle and say that Ginger’s batch has 7 student council members as Katarina is in her final year. 

In the web novel chapter “About the Duke’s Daughter”, there is a scene where Ginger is being bad mouthed by 3 of her female peers in the student council room. Here’s the scene from the web novel chapter (in Ginger’s POV):

There was something I didn't understand in class that day so after visiting the teacher, I went to the student council room and arrived later than usual. Then some of the same classmates, who were members of the student council seemed to be ahead, and I heard voices talking from inside. 

'What's with her attitude! I'm so angry at her, that Ginger Tucker." "Indeed! What can we even do about her?" "Being so prideful just because she's a little smart" 

 I unintentionally pulled my hand from the door handle. This is a scene I can't enter.

So it can't be helped. It was then that I thought I should wait a little before entering. 

"I don't think Ginger is like that at all" 

Perhaps she was there the entire time, as now a voice of a third-party spoke in between their angry voices. 

 "K-Katarina-sama? Were you here this entire time?" In a surprised voice, it turns out the those girls were not aware of Katarina's presence.

With this we can identify 5 out of 7 of the student council members, with the final two we can assume that they are either two guys or one guy and one girl (but its most likely the prior.

We would have <Ginger, Fray, Girl 1, Girl 2, Girl 3, Boy 1 and Boy 2>.

But that begs the question, who is the Lady? Is there only 1 male student in the freshmen batch of the student council, with the Lady filling that last spot, or is the Lady among the 5 girls we’ve established? Or are there 8 student council members instead? I don’t need to answer my own questions, you do the math :))

Of course there’s the possibility that the author is disregarding this webnovel chapter and creates a new freshmen batch from scratch, but while The Lady nor Fray has yet to be adapted into the manga and anime, i’ll take this as a win for me. 

Edit (2/13/21): A thought just occurred to me while reading the japanese wiki!

Ginger, in the webnovel chapter, has made it perfectly clear that she wants to join the Ministry to become independent. The “Lady”, in Volume 5, has made it perfectly clear that she wants to join the Ministry to be like her idol, Lana Smith (Suzanna Randall).

With that in mind, doesn’t that increase the chances of the “Lady” being Fray Randall?? because the two best friends want to eventually join the Ministry and join their senpais and idols??? it wouldn’t make sense if it was Ginger and another character from the student council third batch that we don’t know of!

Anyways, that's it for this hamefura theory. I might edit this if there's new information to come around. With the announcement of the Second Season, there’s a very high possibility that this chapter will be adapted as filler. It is possible that we will meet this lady, or maybe even Fray, whichever comes first. 

The Lady most likely is just the plot device though, but we do what we can with what we have lol. 

Regardless if this theory is correct or not, I think I made a pretty strong case! Thank you for reading!

[ireadyabooks]

Books to Read in 2021

It’s a NEW YEAR, everyone! 

We made it through 2020, and whether or not you hit your reading goal this past year, don’t worry! 2021 is a new year for your TBR, and we have an AMAZING line-up of books you should add to your reading list ASAP.

THE LIFE I’M IN 

This story of the power of forgiveness and second chances presents the unflinching story of a young woman trapped in the underworld of human trafficking. In Sharon G. Flake's latest and unflinching novel, we follow Charlese Jones, who, with her raw, blistering voice speaks the truths many girls face, offering insight to some of the causes and conditions that make a bully. Turned out of the only home she has known, Char boards a bus to nowhere where she is lured into the dangerous web of human trafficking.

HOLD BACK THE TIDE

A darkly seductive story of murder, betrayal, love, and family secrets in a small town in the Scottish Highlands. Alva knows that her father killed her mother, but she can’t prove it. The more she investigates though, the more she realizes that the truth can be more monstrous than lies/ And while you might be able to outrun anything that emerges from the dark water, you can never escape your past . . .

MUTED 

Denver is more than ready on the day she and her best friends Dali and Shak sing their way into the orbit of the biggest R&B star in the world, Sean "Mercury" Ellis. Merc gives them everything: parties, perks, wild nights -- plus hours and hours in the recording studio. Even the painful sacrifices and the lies the girls have to tell are all worth it. Until they're not. Denver begins to realize that she's trapped in Merc's world, struggling to hold on to her own voice. As the dream turns into a nightmare, she must make a choice: lose her big break, or get broken.

THE POETRY OF SECRETS

A lyrical portrait of hidden identities and forbidden love set against the harrowing backdrop of the Spanish Inquisition. Isabel’s dreams to pursue poetry and a partner of her own choosing are thrown into jeopardy when the Spanish Inquisition reaches her small town. 

SHURI #2: THE VANISHED 

Shuri, the Princess of Wakanda (and sister to the Black Panther), sets out to save a group of kidnapped girls in this all-new, original novel by New York Times bestselling author Nic Stone!

BRIDGE OF SOULS

Where there are ghosts, Cassidy Blake follows . . .unless it's the other way around? Cass thinks she might have this ghost-hunting thing down. But nothing can prepare Cass for New Orleans, which wears all of its hauntings on its sleeve. And the city's biggest surprise is a foe Cass never expected to face: a servant of Death itself.

FOLLOW YOUR ARROW

When bisexual influencer CeCe breaks up with her girlfriend, Silvie, she’s devastated. But then she starts falling for a new guy who has no idea she’s internet famous...and CeCe wants to keep it that way. But as her secrets catch up to her, she finds herself in the middle of an online storm, where she'll have to confront the blurriness of public vs. private life, and figure out what it really means to speak her truth.   

MIRROR’S EDGE

The danger rises and the deception grows in the heart-stopping third book in the New York Times bestselling Impostors series! Are twins Frey and Rafi on the same side . . . or are they playing to their own agendas? If their father is deposed from Shreve, who will take control? And what other forces may be waiting in the wings?

ZARA HOSSAIN IS HERE

Zara's family has waited years for their visa process to be finalized so that they can officially become US citizens. While dealing with the Islamophobia that she faces at school, Zara has to lay low. But when her tormentor vandalizes her house with racist graffiti, a violent crime puts Zara’s entire future at risk. Now she must pay the ultimate price and choose between fighting to stay in the only place she's ever called home or losing the life she loves and everyone in it.

REMEDY

It's a mystery - why is Cara so sick? It feels like she's been sick all her life . . . but she and her mom have never stayed in one place long enough for doctors to really understand what's happening to her. Now, at fourteen, Cara is tired of being tired, and sick of being sick. Unable to afford the care she needs, Cara's mom starts a Caring for Cara campaign online. The money starts pouring in. But something's not right to Cara. And the harder she looks, the less she understands.

HEARTSTOPPER VOLUME 3

The third volume in the poignant and sweet Heartstopper series, featuring beautiful two-color artwork! Charlie didn't think Nick could ever like him back, but now they're officially boyfriends. Nick has even found the courage to come out to his mom. But coming out isn't something that happens just once, and Nick and Charlie try to figure out when to tell their friends that they're dating. Not being out to their classmates gets even harder during a school trip to Paris. As Nick and Charlie's feelings get more serious, they'll need each other more than ever.

THE BLOCK

In the second book of The Loop trilogy, Luka is trapped in a fate worse than death. But now that he knows the truth about what he and his fellow inmates are being used for, it's more important than ever that he not only escapes, but that he builds an army.

ON THE HOOK

Hector has always minded his own business while he works towards a better life. Until Joey, whose older brother, Chavo, is head of the Discípulos gang, tells Hector that he's going to kill him: maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday. And Hector, frozen with fear, does nothing. From that day forward, Hector's death is hanging over his head every time he leaves the house. But when a fight between Chavo and Hector's brother escalates, Hector is left with no choice but to take a stand. It's up to Hector to choose whether he's going to lose himself to revenge or get back to the hard work of living.

MISTER IMPOSSIBLE

Do the dreamers need the ley lines to save the world . . . or will their actions end up dooming the world? As Ronan, Hennessy, and Bryde try to make dreamers more powerful, the Moderators are closing in, sure that this power will bring about disaster. In the remarkable second book of The Dreamer Trilogy, Maggie Stiefvater pushes her characters to their limits – and shows what happens to them and others when they start to break.

THE GHOSTS WE KEEP 

Everything happens for a reason.At least that's what everyone keeps telling Liam Cooper after his older brother Ethan is killed suddenly in a hit-and-run. Feeling more alone and isolated than ever, Liam has to not only learn to face the world without one of the people he loved the most, but also face the fading relationships of his two best friends in the process. Soon, Liam finds themself spending time with Ethan's best friend, Marcus, who might just be the only person that seems to know exactly what they're going through - for better and for worse.

SIMONE BREAKS ALL THE RULES

Simone is shaking things up by making a bucket list of everything she hasn’t been able to do thanks to her strict Haitian immigrant parents. But as the list takes on a life of its own, things get much more complicated than Simone expected. She'll have to discover which rules are worth breaking, and which might save her from heartbreak.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

Skylar is ready to show everyone that her latest app is brilliant by winning an academic competition. To do that, she's going to use it to win State at the Scholastic Exposition, the nerdiest academic competition around. But when she falls for one of her team members and things get complicated, is her path to greatness over before it begins?

THE GIRL FROM THE SEA

A graphic novel about family, romance, and first love! Morgan's biggest secret is that she has a lot of secrets, including the one about wanting to kiss another girl. Then one night, Morgan is saved from drowning by a mysterious girl named Keltie. The two become friends and suddenly life on the island doesn't seem so stifling anymore. But Keltie has some secrets of her own. And as the girls start to fall in love, everything they're each trying to hide will find its way to the surface...whether Morgan is ready or not.

RISE TO THE SUN

Three days. Two girls. One life-changing music festival. Toni is reeling in the wake of the loss of her roadie father and desperate to figure out where her life will go from here. Olivia is a hopeless romantic whose heart has just taken a beating (again). When the two collide at the Farmland Music and Arts Festival, it feels like kismet. But when something goes wrong and the festival is sent into a panic, Toni and Olivia find that they need each other, and the music, more than they ever imagined.

YOU & ME AT THE END OF THE WORLD

Hannah Ashton wakes up to silence. The entire city around her is empty, except for one other person: Leo Sterling. Leo might be the hottest boy ever (and not just because he's the only one left), but he's also too charming, too selfish, and too devastating for his own good, let alone Hannah's. Together, they search for answers amid crushing isolation. But while their empty world may appear harmless . . . it's not. Because nothing is quite as it seems, and if Hannah and Leo don't figure out what's going on, they might just be torn apart forever.

IN THE SAME BOAT 

Sadie is ready for the race of a lifetime: The Texas River Odyssey. But then her brother ditches her and she has to pair up with her former best friend, Cully. It's irritating enough that he grew up to be so attractive, but once they're on the river it turns out he's ill-prepared for such a dangerous race. But as the miles pass, the pain of the race builds, they uncover the truth about their feuding families, and Sadie's feelings for Cully begin to shift. Could this race change her life more than she ever could have imagined?

THE GREAT DESTROYERS 

In this alternate-history novel, Jo joins the Pax Games: an Olympics-style competition that pits pilots of mechas against each other. But when fighters start dying in the arena, Jo is drawn into a deadly political plot. In a global arms race between superpowers, playing out in violent games that only humanity could create, comes a chilling story of clashing titans, ruthless competition, freedom, and the girl caught in the middle of it all.

[drunkserval]

A Fresh Canvas: Incomplete Preview

Quite some time ago I did a silly little thread on Twitter, and I’ve always wanted to take that and actually make something out of it. Well it was a little harder than expected, but it’s coming along!

When I have the entire thing done I will be uploading it to AO3, but for now it seemed seasonally appropriate to at least drop this.

I wanted to have this posted yesterday but festivities kept me busier than expected! Story is below the cut. Keep in mind that this is still technically a rough draft, and will receive its final beta pass before the full story hits AO3.

(Tentative) Title: A Fresh Canvas Fandom: Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System by MXTX Rating: G, No Warnings Apply Summary: Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan are neighbors in the same modern apartment complex who, despite looking similar enough to be mistaken for each other, couldn’t be any more different. Or so they think.

----------------

Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan were neighbors in the same apartment complex. They lived on the same floor, in the same hall, and were often mistaken for one another due to this proximity combined with how similar their appearances were.

But there were key differences, as both would readily point out to their neighbors. Shen Jiu’s hair hung shy of his shoulders while Shen Yuan’s was shorter and lighter in tone. 

And still the mix-ups kept happening, particularly if they were at some distance or facing away. The misunderstanding would very rarely last past the first glance since Shen Jiu would snap and take immediate offense, and Shen Yuan would just sigh and say, "Sorry, wrong one."

Shen Yuan had no idea why Shen Jiu got so offended over it. Surely he didn’t look that bad, come on!

The neighbors eventually started learning to look at the clothes first--or to at least look for Shen Yuan’s thick-rimmed glasses. 

Both men carried and dressed themselves so differently. Shen Yuan dressed in hoodies and jeans--well, if he was planning on going any further than the mailbox, that was. Otherwise why bother changing out of pajamas or sweatpants?

On the other hand, Shen Jiu didn’t touch anything that wasn’t from a known designer. 

Shen Jiu spent proudly--and why shouldn’t he? Because he at least earned his money!

That Shen Yuan kid down the hall? Rumor was that his parents were paying his rent and he'd never had a real job in his life.

But because he never went out, Shen Yuan was one of the only people still hanging around the apartment complex when Shen Jiu went around knocking during a major holiday. 

In Shen Jiu’s arms was a box containing two fluffy black pups.

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened at the sight of them and he completely forgot to greet his neighbor until Shen Jiu cleared his throat. The dogs were like little storm clouds with feet and stubby tails, staring back at him with big black eyes. One started wagging its tail with such vigor that its whole back end wiggled about.

It took Shen Jiu a moment to find his voice as he followed, such was the state that his neighbor had chosen to answer the door in. Hideous cucumber-print pajama pants, a tacky anime shirt covered in snack crumbs, and unkempt hair had greeted him. But the continuous movement of the box in his arms reminded him of his mission. 

“I found... ” Shen Jiu shifted the box in indication as Shen Yuan shut the door behind them, “these, out by the garbage.”

Shen Yuan blinked as the other passed by him, “Have you tried calling any nearby shelters?”

“Of course I have,” Shen Jiu scoffed at the implication that he was so simple. “You try getting a real person on the phone today, though. It’s impossible. I could only leave messages.”

Shen Yuan put a finger to his lips, “Oh, right. Today is…” Glancing at a wall calendar almost as ugly as his shirt he nodded, “Right. Right.”

Did this kid ever so much as leave the building? Shen Jiu was starting to wonder. Shen Yuan dressed like he’d just rolled out of bed in the latter part of the daytime. And he hadn’t realized it was a major holiday. And then there were the countless odorous takeout boxes covering every available surface in his apartment.

Shen Jiu wrinkled his nose but still asked in spite of his rapidly growing doubts, “You don’t know anyone who can take these little mutts in for a day or two, do you?”

Shen Yuan shook his head and heard Shen Jiu sigh. His neighbor set the box down to give his arms a rest… but Shen Yuan couldn’t seem to rip his attention away from one of the pups. It hadn’t stopped staring at him, or shaking its fluffy little behind, for a moment.

“What if we take them in?”

Shen Jiu’s tone was flat, “What.”

Shen Yuan picked up the excited little pup and it immediately started wiggling in his grasp. Not struggling, however--just trying to get closer to his face, paws waving in the air and its little pink tongue darting out to reach for him even though it was still well outside of range. He had to fight back the urge to laugh at the silly little storm cloud. 

“The building allows us to have one animal per unit, right?” Shen Yuan shrugged, “so what if we each took one, even just long enough to find them new homes?”

Shen Jiu frowned. Taking in a dog, or really any animal, had never been on his agenda. He liked his nice clean apartment and intact furniture unlike a certain someone. Plus he was more partial to cats. He moved his gaze from the overexcited animal back to the box. Though the pups looked identical on the surface this one was clearly the calmer one. It looked up at his scowling face but put forth no such ridiculous display… thank goodness.

Who knew? Maybe Shen Yuan’s idea wasn’t so bad. And if it was, it was only a temporary arrangement, in the end. He might be able to get rid of the animal as soon as tomorrow if it was truly intolerable.

Tentatively, Shen Jiu reached out to pick up the dog…

And felt tiny teeth close around his fingers.

Jerking his hand backwards, Shen Jiu sneered down at the animal. “What, you ungrateful little beast!” 

Shen Yuan finally stopped cooing at his own pup to look over and said, “Maybe he doesn’t like your cologne?”

“And what’s wrong with my cologne?” Shen Jiu snapped, voice raising.

Stepping back, “Nothing, nothing!”

“It was a gift, you know!”

Shen Yuan barely avoided tripping over a haphazard stack of game cases as he kept moving away. “P-perhaps it’s just too strong for a dog’s nose, that’s all!”

This time Shen Jiu moved quickly, snatching up the dog by its middle before it could get its ridiculously tiny muzzle around anything, and he stared directly into the animal’s eyes.

“Do that again, and I’ll put you back out in the cold where I found you. Understood?”

The dog stared back at him, placid and indifferent… until its tongue darted out and licked the end of his nose.

“...good enough.”

----------------------

It was a few days before the two of them crossed paths again. 

It’d seem they both had decided to keep their newfound pets and they were both out that day to take the dogs for walks.

The air in the park was warm, so they sat themselves on a bench to enjoy it for a bit longer and soak up some of the sunlight that was so rare that time of year. Shen Jiu’s pup sat like a sentry at his feet while Shen Yuan’s pup curled up on his lap the moment he sat down. 

It was through the ensuing conversation they realized they both gave their dog the same name by sheer coincidence.

One was too lazy and the other was too stubborn, so neither changed it. At least they’d bought different-colored collars. But this brought to light a new revelation, and Shen Yuan just had to ask…

“How did you come up with it?”

“It was just the first thing to come to mind,” Shen Jiu had explained, “from something I’ve been reading, probably.”

"Wait, you read that too!?"

As he suspected! That name was from one of the top-rated web novels that year, from its stallion protagonist: Luo Binghe!

Shen Yuan couldn’t imagine someone as outwardly prim as Shen Jiu reading trashy webnovels, but it turned out to be true. It was just a quick, easy way for him to kill a few minutes of downtime at work, Shen Jiu reasoned in his defense.

Whenever they met up from that point forward, Shen Yuan talked his ear off about his various grievances with Proud Immortal Demon Way.

‘Villains that dig their own graves but don’t bother finishing! Women that lead the protagonist on a three-chapter long subplot just to get to their lewd scenes, only to never see them again! And every single character lost all of their intelligence when the protagonist came around!’ 

And yet he had nothing but praise for said protagonist… almost excessive praise. 

Shen Jiu is annoyed at first but he starts enjoying the company. Which is good because the dog turns out to be a menace.

Well, both dogs could be counted as menaces, just in different ways.

Bing-mei (as they come to call him) would start whining so pitifully when Shen Yuan shut the door between them, thus he often just gave up and took the dog with him whenever it was feasible.

Bing-ge, on the other hand, broke his toys within days, climbed around on furniture he wasn’t allowed on--sometimes when Shen Jiu was looking right at him, too--he barked, he scratched furniture, he tore up pillows.

Despite all the trouble he was causing for his master, Shen Jiu would no longer entertain the idea of giving him up. Not after Bing-ge tore up three separate muggers on three separate occasions and growled at the person who kept taking his parking space until it never happened again.

But the biggest takeaway from their conversations, for Shen Jiu, wasn’t webnovels or dogs. It made him start to realize how lonely he'd been. 

The only other person he really spoke to was halfway around the world for their work and they only spoke a couple of times a month. Now that Shen Yuan was around, Shen Jiu actually started to have things to look forward to besides the monotony of work--knocks on the door, long walks with the dogs, the occasional cup of tea afterward on colder days...

Shen Jiu was never the sort to be up-front with his feelings, so he found a way to show his gratitude by helping Shen Yuan with his confidence issues. He started encouraging him to go out more, and to put a little more effort into his looks when he did. This morphed into helping clean up his squalid apartment since Shen Jiu could barely stand to look at it when he came over. 

Months later, Shen Jiu’s recommendation had helped Shen Yuan to land an entry-level job. That, and a steady habit of going out once a week, gave them something else to do and talk about.

Progress was slow, but visible. Shen Yuan seemed a little less awkward in public with each passing week.

One night they were leaning on Shen Yuan’s balcony. It was a night of celebration, for he’d just earned his very first promotion, and Shen Jiu had brought over wine for the occasion.

He found himself leaning closer to Shen Jiu, telling himself it was just to get a better look at him in the dim light of the city night. His focus wasn’t the best even when he was sober after all. Yet Shen Yuan didn’t stop. And when Shen Jiu turned to look at him in confusion, and their lips met, he didn’t withdraw for several seconds.

Neither did Shen Jiu.

Shen Yuan tried to flee as soon as he realized what he’d done only for Shen Jiu to pull him back saying:

"Don't run, take responsibility. We talked about this."

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (25)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

Trust. When you are in a relationship, with friends or family, trust is the essential thing to make everything go well, in addition to fidelity for the case of a couple. When you trust someone, you tell them about your fears, your doubts, your suspicions, everything you want to talk about and you know that the person we're talking to, help us or keep it all to him. In the context of work, trust is also important! It’s above all the centerpiece of a good company. A company where all employees have trust in each other and their bosses is a good company, whatever it is.

Sometimes trust is put to the test. Some succeed and see their success rewarded by a stronger friendship, a more united couple, more close-knit colleagues. Others fail and see everything they have earned so far crumble. But trust can unfortunately also be a weapon of manipulation. How many people in this world have betrayed other people in the name of their personal interests? Far too much, unfortunately. Making someone believe that they can trust you, to betray them better afterwards is one of the most horrible things that can happen. Because then you don't trust others anymore, you see bad people everywhere and believing someone is almost impossible.

But sometimes... Fear surpasses reason and trust. When something bad happens to you... something horrible, you're afraid of the judgment of others. Because sometimes even your closest friends, who you can trust the most can hurt you. You are afraid of the reaction of your soul mate because even if you know him for years, you never know how he will take what you will tell him. And in your case.... It's very complicated.

For several days now, you've been making the hundred steps in your head. Stressed, worried, even terrified of the reaction that Jed might have if you ever tell him that Ghostface.... almost stole your virginity. ��What would he think of you? Would he blame you? Would he be heartbroken that you didn't tell him about it before? you've been in a relationship for a short time, but still... Jed is a lovely boy whose character you don't know. He doesn't seem like the type to get upset but beware, the quieter ones are usually the most dangerous. And when they explode... it's better not to stand next to them.

“What do I do? What can I do? And most of all, what am I going to do if he takes it badly?? I don't want to destroy such a young relationship... I never want that to happen anyway! but... if Jed took it badly.... I wouldn't know what to do. Or say.” You said to yourself, terrified to see Jed leave you and never talk to you again.

“Uh... Excuse me miss... I'm here to do the job interview. I'm not late?”

You raise your head to face a young woman, who was holding papers in her hands. Since you posted your job offer, several people have contacted you to get the job. You have juggled several CVs and cover letters and have retained only 6 of them. For two places. It was very hard to choose from all these people... they all had interesting CVs, but you couldn't keep them all. the coffee is not very big after all.

“Not at all, you arrive right on time! Please sit down.” you said to the young girl before taking her papers gently. “Amy... I saw in your CV that you had done a lot of studies in sales as well as an apprenticeship in pastry. I also saw that you had worked a little in the sale. You know, this café is new, and it's a lifelong project. I want to go as far as possible with this coffee and be able to entrust it to someone trustworthy. You understand?”  

“Of course! Don't worry, if you recruit me, I promise to make sure that my work is only beneficial to your coffee! I promise to ensure a service worthy of your establishment and to respect the rules and practices that you apply.” respond Amy, a little stressed, looking at his hands from time to time.  

“Ha ha you can relax don't worry! I'm not going to eat you! I'm a very nice person, believe me.”

“Sorry... It's just that... my former boss fired me because I didn't follow the rules when it was all the opposite! He said I was an idiot and an incompetent...”

“Well, I'll never tell you that. You're here to learn, and I know you're going to make mistakes. But it doesn't matter! It's by learning from one's failures that one becomes better. And if that doesn't work out, you can always tell me about it. I will never demean an employee.” you replied with a smile.  

You both continue to talk for a little while and then Amy left the café smiling, relieved that her job interview finally went well. An hour later, it is the turn of another person, a young man to pass his interview. Compared to Amy, he'd already work in a café, as a waiter. He found himself unemployed because the café in question had closed by judicial liquidation. He had had a hard time finding work in this domain because in his area, coffees were scarce, there were mostly bars. That was one of the reasons why he came to live here. He really wanted to work here but would understand if you took someone else. He used to it now.  

But you reassure him by telling him to not lose hope. That he always ends up finding a job even if it's not in what he knows. He gave you a slight smile while rubbing the back of the skull and then, like Amy, he left the café after an hour. You stretch while blowing a good shot before you get up to serve yourself a fresh fruit juice. As you begin to serve yourself, lost in your thoughts, you startle slightly when you feel two hands taking you by the waist. Then a slight laugh that you would recognize between a thousand. You turn to do that Jed who was always so adorable with his eyes and angelic smile.  

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you... You look exhausted. Did these interviews go well?” He asks, dropping a quick kiss and getting you closer to him.

“It went very well even. I've already talked to each of them, and their profile is interesting, it's going to be very difficult to choose.”  you respond, kissing him back.  

“I know you're going to make it. You don't have to feel guilty about those you can't take. You have to think you can't hire a lot of people right now. But later who knows you can expand? You know what I'd do? I'll keep the CVs of everyone you refuse. Maybe you'll never know you'll have more jobs to fill in the future?”

“I think that's what I'm going to do! Thank you very much Jed. What about you? Do you get along with Wilhelm?” you replied, laughing a little.

“Well, if I'm still here and I'm not in jail... we can say that we can get along with both of us. But believe me sometimes I would like to be sick, to not see him all day ... Are you sure you're, okay? You really don't look good. Do you want to talk about it?” He said, worried about your sad face.

Is this really a good time to talk about it? That's the question. One day or another, he will know. And the later he finds out, the more he'll be mad at you. That's what you think anyway. But if you tell him now... he might take it badly too. Tears began to flow down your face. Jed took you against him, reassuring you as best he could. He exuded a reassuring aura, in his arms, nothing could happen to you. You felt it. He would protect you to death if he had to. You can trust him.

“I am here. Tell me what's wrong, my love. Something bad happened?” asks Jed.

“You promise you won't get mad?” you said, worried.  

“I promise.”

“The other night.... Ghostface came to see me... again. He spoke to me... he absolutely wants to make me his... his accomplice. And then he... he pinned me against the wall. he undressed me and he almost... he almost...” you said before crying, hiding your face in your hands, shameful of what almost happened.

“Hey...look at me.” he simply said.

You raise your head to look at him straight in the eye. But it's not anger or anything else that you see on his face... but sweetness.

“You should have told me sooner. I could have done something to protect you. Maybe I could have faced him. If you trust me, then you must tell me when things aren't going well. All right? Never forget that I'd always be there for you.” He said softly, kissing your forehead.  

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” you said drying your tears.

“You know what? Tonight, you're sleeping at home. I'm not leaving you alone with this sick man again. We're going to have an evening just between the two of us and no one else. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you, is that clear? No one. You've finished your interviews, so we can go do whatever you want, relax. You don't have to think about that. You must be strong, show him that you are not afraid and that you will never be afraid of him.”  

You smile at him before kissing him and snuggling up in his arms. You could tell if it was luck or that it was predicted, but you are happy to have met him. Few men, like him, react in this way. But what you don't see my dear... it's the smirk, even unhealthy smile of "Jed" spreading on his face. If only you knew my little... If only you know. But even if you ever find out... It'll be too late. You are completely trapped in his web, and he will never let you escape. Never.

You both leave the café, after your usual surveillance ritual of course, and you spend the rest of the day together. First you go to a bookstore, in order to expand your library. And we can say that you did not take 3 small books ... but a good dozen. You'll be busy with all that for quite a while. Jed had done the same, especially detective novels. You also take the opportunity to buy CDs. And surprisingly, Jed listens to rock. Looking at him, you didn't think he'd listen to this style of music, you expected jazz. Maybe he's listening to it too! But imagining Jed at a rock concert is pretty funny in itself.

Then you do some shopping for tonight's meal: salmon pavement with rice, and a sauce... to fall to the ground. And whipped strawberries for dessert. A good meal in perspective with the one you love. You both go back to Jed's apartment, even if before you go to your apartment to deposit your purchases. Then you go back to Jed's and start preparing everything.

“I didn't know you were listening to rock. I thought you were more... Jazz or whatever.” you said with a smile.

“Well, when I was in college... rock has often allowed me to escape a little. I felt safe, cut off from the outside world when I needed it. I also listened to jazz but... rock helped me a lot. Carla also thought it was weird that I listened to it. It's true that when I see myself... we don't think about that kind of music at all.” Respond Jed, cooking the salmon and rice.  

“You are a man full of surprise... I like that. You need help?”  

“I just need you to take care of cooking the rice while I take care of the sauce, you'll see... you won't move from your chair. And you should wash the strawberries, too. Put them in a bowl filled with water and leave them in, I have cups in this closet.”

You take care of the rice and strawberries, then set the table. Once everything is ready, you spend the evening laughing and chatting while eating. It was good for you. You needed a little breath. And with Jed, you feel like you'll always have them. Even though the evening was cut off for a while by Jed's job, everything went very well and you both end up on the couch watching a movie... pretty dumb.

“Why in this kind of movie, girls are big fools who get killed by the murderer? frankly they can't put strong women for once?” you said, crossing your arms.  

“These were the movies of the time, where the real hero is the bad guy and or the first to die is either the stupid girl or the shy little geek...unfortunately.” Respond Jed with a little laugh.

“But I know that if we were in this kind of situation... You'd protect me. And that for once, the little nerd would be the hero.”

“Beware that the little nerd doesn't eat you raw. If you know what I mean.”

You hit Jed's arm, which laughed before kissing you. Then as the film progresses you feel tiredness invading you. Little by little, your eyes closed. You feel two arms lift you and carry you to bed. You open your eyes slightly to see Jed change. You also change, pricking one of his t-shirts to make pyjamas for the night. Then he comes to bed and takes you in his arms.

“Tell me you always sleep in a boxer or do you still have something a little warmer for cold nights?” you ask with a small voice.

“Well... as long as it's not autumn, yes. Then I have what it takes when the cold weather arrives. But if you live with me... then being able to hold me against you all nights will always warm me up.” He answers with a smile.

“How adorable. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about... You know what. I was really scared...”

“Forget it. But from now on, you'll have to warn me when things aren't going well. Good night, my angel.”

On these beautiful words, you both fall asleep, each in the arms of the other. That aura of protection that Jed exuded reassured you, soothed you. But if you knew that your dear boyfriend was also the murderer of Roseville... That from the beginning you have dated your potential executioner ... You'd be scared.

And the trust you place in him will fly away. But it's too late now.

You can't go back. You're stuck with the devil.

By your own will.  

***

(Well at least I made it right on time! As I said in the last chapter, from May 5th to May 7th, I'll not be there. So Chapter 26 will be released on Friday, May 14th! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others! I will now rest my brain. Have a great weekend to you all! See ya!)

[dangermousie]

There are Wu Chang Jie extras and they are glorious!

Xie Bian finds the soup of forgetfulness in Fa Wushe’s things and shit hits the fan. I love that before that, they are basically living a cottagecore life and all that loveliness but I love even more that things aren’t perfect and not perfectly fixed and past lives and past portion of present life keep casting shadows.

And how it makes sense that this is the first conclusion Bian comes to and it’s not unreasonable for him to do so but what blew me away is Wushe’s explanation that he thought about this for a hot second but ultimately that is not what the soup was for.

Just!!! I remember speculating that this was one way the ending could be happy (for a value of happy) and it almost was.

And I want to bring up two things: (1) the fact that Wushe, who managed to survive infernal hell with his memories intact, who refused the soup and waded through the river of mad souls instead, because he needed and he wanted to keep his memories of Bian and of them and for whom forgetfulness was the worst thing possible, was desperate enough and willing enough to drink it if that was the only way to be around Bian because being around Bian even if he didn’t remember who Bian was and why he wanted to be around him, shows more than anything else even how he is subsumed in Bian (the emotional power balance of that relationship always has been Bian having the whip hand and it’s only just and it is why it works) and (2) Bian looking at Wushe’s “sorrowful eyes” and not being able to tell whether it’s the truth - the damage that Wushe inflicted in life 1, and the lying in life 2 have left a permanent effect and damage and scar on Bian and I find this so realistic that he is unable to automatically trust and probably won’t for a very long time. Actions have consequences and love does not wipe that. Bian loves Wushe and has forgiven him but it will take him a long time to truly move past the past and I love it so much - that things don’t magically fix themselves. But also they don’t need to.

I really do love that they have so much to work through, that this is a work in progress ad Wushe still needs to work on earning Bian’s trust and will for a long time but it doesn’t have to be perfect to be good, that you can still be together while working out issues, while figuring out where comfort lies.

Also, I love that in between all the meditation on past and forgiveness we get hilarious passages like this:

Yes, indeed. As the amazing translator so succinctly put it:

And back to less gonzo matters, I love this passage so much:

I love this because really isn’t it the message of the whole novel? That future is not guaranteed and permanent happiness is impossible so all you can do in this dark, unjust, horrific world is to sees the momentary happiness and revel in that.

Because think about it - none of the problems of the world itself, the horrific structural injustices, have really been fixed - they have been incrementally bettered but the basic issues remain. And with the OTP - what will happen long term? They are mortal, when they die, will they choose to remain as ghosts? Because Wushe will not drink the soup and separate from Bian? But ghostly existence is not full existence either, especially for someone like Bian who loves mundane portions of human life so much. It’s not really solvable and it can’t be, but ultimately you should just seize the moment and enjoy that and that’s all you get but you just might make it enough.

Wu Chang Jie was probably the most gonzo danmei I’ve read and in some ways made 2ha seem a model of Victorian restraint. It was a mix of character development, relationship dynamic, a meditation on love and forgiveness and identity and memory and meaning of life and goodness, wrapped in a bleak, nihilistic world-building AND some truly gonzo explicit and plentiful noncon. And yet this super crazy mix somehow worked. I loved it so. GUUUUH

It’s in my Top 3 web novels of all time in terms of pure favorites (Yuwu and 2ha being the other.) Qiang Jun Jiu is objectively a much better novel. But emotionally, it has to be at number 4 because WJC takes my narrative kinks and hits them like a giant drum over and over.

[mandarinmuffin]

Inventions: Finest methods to find up with profitable Ideas

Inventors create dazzling ideas with bucking patterns and cultivating innovative psychological rooms.

Applied observation and also reflection are a need if you're going to invent something.

Having an open mind to numerous suggestions is a crucial starting point in the direction of coming up with originalities.

Our world and the modern-day world have been shaped by advancement inventions and also trendsetters that pushed the bounds of technology and also commerce to the edge. Some did it for grand as well as noble reasons either for science, war, or religious beliefs. Others simply wanted to make an additional dollar. Whatever the underlying intention is, there is no denying that invention is the origin of all development. And also as you have most likely listened to-- requirement is the mommy of all invention. Inventions are the holy grail of development. In our culture, we idolatrize those fantastic inventors and their novel concepts and much of us desire to emulate them. Here you can read more InventHelp gets great inventions from the mind to the market

If you've ever before had any kind of innovative inclinations, you've probably once pondered the prospects of how to come up with an invention. It's a complicated point to try as well as learn exactly how to produce something that has never existed before. There isn't exactly a printed handbook that's going to tell you how to do it. However, there is a rich background of the invention as well as we've learned along the way that there are certain ways to militarize ourselves into this imaginative state.

Here are means to find up with inventions and various other economic suggestions.

Discover to relax as well as practice meditation

This is the famous word that Archimedes said after stepping out of the bath and also recognizing that the volume of water displaced was equal to the quantity of his body immersed in the water. Out of nowhere, this idea seemed to emerge.

Some scientists think that the bathroom or shower setup assists to repudiate creativity. In a speech about work efficiency, Scott Barry Kaufman stated that:

" The relaxing, singular, and non-judgmental shower environment might manage creative thinking by allowing the mind to stray easily, as well as causing people to be much more open to their internal stream of consciousness and also visions."

This same line of logic can be put on energetic reflection. Once you can silence your mind, that consistent stream of consciousness coming through is given a chance to share itself in new methods. This is a theme you'll see often when it comes to invention

Consider what you do not like in this globe

Social entrepreneur, Miki Agrawal, asks one easy question before setting off to create or invent something: "What traps my world?"

She runs a multitude of socially aware companies. It was this question that led her to produce a worldwide hygiene realm. On inspiration she states:

" What maintains us encouraged, that when you shut your eyes you can state, for each item marketed I'm helping support somebody that frantically needs something such as this, or desperately requires to have an option of what their problem is, like the worldwide hygiene crisis."

Inspiration like this helps to get those hidden ideas locked away inside of us off of the ground as well as right into truth. It's likewise this inspiration that transforms an idea right into a money-making business. Also check out: how to promote my invention

Increase on a pre-existing system as well as make it your own

Many individuals don't seem to comprehend the maxim as well as an often misattributed quote which specifies:

" Great musicians replicate, Great musicians, take."

One means of considering it is to think of the number of creative people construct off of those that came before them and establish that masterpiece, system, or whatever it enjoys an even better creation. That is the essence of the quote and the concept. Those who broaden it and make it their very own area in a minimal sense, stealing these ideas.

One such inventor to do this was the Renaissance Man, Luca Pacioli, today commemorated as one of the most famous accountants whoever before lived. He popularized the double-entry system which was called alla veneziana in the old Venetian days a couple of hundred before he was birthed. Although Pacioli did not invent the system, he did take it to the higher heights as well as common use in which we count on it today.

Twenty-seven pages of that book are dedicated to the concept of double-entry accounting. Pacioli was precise when it came to increasing on this concept as well as making it his own.

" If you can not be an excellent accounting professional ... you will search your method ahead like a blind man and also might fulfill terrific losses."

Take part in mindful monitoring

Having a creative state of mind offers you a brand-new viewpoint on regular points around you. The capacity to be still and just consider points is a straightforward, yet typically neglected action. Getting observational abilities assists you to discover, recall, as well as expand upon your instant environments.

This ability is vital when trying to come up with new inventions.

Generally, you're racking your brain over attempting to come up with originality, surpass something, or determine a pattern if you're trying to develop a brand-new company. The method is to merely observe whatever it is you're after.

These empirical skills can be found in helpful, whether you're attempting to make sense of some dataset or you're just engaged in some mindless meandering while you're out going through the city. The capability to genuinely see what is taking place without a million various other filters in your head is the course in the direction of creation.

Fight versus established sights as well as trends

In the early days of the web, a couple of Stanford scientists had gotten a letter from the United States agency intimidating them if they provided their findings on public-key cryptography. The very modern technology that would someday take place to secure our e-mail transmissions, store online, as well as enable the functioning web we know today.

The innovation paper by Whitfield Diffie as well as Martin Hellman, which would happen referred to as the Diffie-Hellman concept and ultimately became the RSA encryption strategy was as soon as the target of governmental suppression.

Admiral Bobby Ray Inman was in fee of the agency in concern. His thinking for coming down on the two researchers was because he believed that this kind of detail might assist enemies in future battles inscribe their messages in a method the United States could not split it.

Often you have to be the transformative rogue who goes against the grain of recognized suggestions It is the only method towards development. You can also follow inventhelp for more helps

Do not discount rate supposed poor or impossible concepts.

"Any type of suggestion can be a great concept if you assume differently, dream huge, as well as commit to seeing it realized." - Richard Branson, CEO, and also Owner, Virgin Group.

When you're in the disorderly boiling pot of creativity, there's no time at all to waste by being hard on yourself or downing your ideas. Establish each suggestion as far as it'll take you. You could be sitting on a potential cash cow of a new invention. At this point, anything goes. Don't deny an idea before you have fleshed it out or thought about it. What you call negative concepts may be the starting factor for practical ones that have some real value to them.

The objective is to develop as many concepts as feasible, no matter exactly how weird they may seem. You'll have a great deal of product to collaborate with right here.

[cielrouge]

2019 YA Reads by Authors of Color

96 Words for Love by Rachel Roy - While exploring her grandmother's past at an ashram in India with her cousin Anandi, Raya finds herself and, perhaps, true love in this modern retelling of the legend of Dushyanta and Shakuntala.

After the Fall by E.C. Myers - A year after the destruction of Beacon Academy, Team CFVY answers a distress call and are forced to relive their former battles, from both the fall of Beacon and from everything that came before.

All-American Muslim Girl by Nadine Jolie Courtney - Allie Abraham has it all going for her—she's a straight-A student, with good friends and a close-knit family, and she's dating cute, popular, and sweet Wells Henderson. Only one problem: Wells's father is Jack Henderson, America's most famous conservative shock jock...and Allie hasn't told Wells that her family is Muslim. 

All the Things We Never Said by Yasmin Rahman - 16-year-old Mehreen Miah's anxiety and depression has taken over her life. So, she joins MementoMori, a website that matches people and allocates them a date and method of death. When Mehreen and her new friends change their minds, the website won't let them stop, and an increasingly sinister game begins. 

The Athene Protocol by Shamim Sarif - Jessie Archer is a member of the Athena Protocol, an elite organization of female spies who enact vigilante justice around the world. But after Jessie goes her rogue, her former teammates have been ordered to bring her down. Jessie must face danger from all sides if she’s to complete her mission—and survive.

Barely Missing Anything by Matt Mendez - Three Mexican-Americans--Juan, JD, and Fabi--each try to overcome their individual struggles as they all grapple with how to make a better life for themselves when it seems like brown lives don't matter. 

The Beast Player by Nahoko Uehashi - An epic YA fantasy about a girl with a special power to communicate with magical beasts and the warring kingdom only she can save.

The Beautiful by Renee Ahdieh - In 19th century New Orleans where vampires hide in plain sight and a serial killer is on the loose, half-Asian Celine Rosseau, a dressmaker from Paris, becomes embroiled in a murder mystery, connected to the glamorous supernatural cohort, known as the Court of Lions, and catching the eye of their mysterious, charismatic leader, Sèbastien Saint Germain. 

The Beauty of the Moment by Tanaz Bhathena - Saudi-Canadian Susan is the new girl. Malcolm is the bad boy. Susan’s parents are on the verge of divorce. Malcolm’s dad is a known adulterer. Susan hasn’t told anyone, but she wants to be an artist. Malcolm doesn’t know what he wants—until he meets her. Love is messy and families are messier, but in spite of their burdens, Susan and Malcolm fall for each other.

The Best Lies by Sarah Lyu - Remy Tsai was happy once. Remy had her boyfriend Jack, and Elise, her best friend—her soulmate. But now Jack is dead, and it was Elise who pulled the trigger. Was it self-defense? Or something deeper, darker than anything Remy could have imagined? 

Black Enough: Stories of Being Young & Black in America edit. by Ibi Zoboi - A short story anthology about what it is like to be young and black, centering on the experiences of black teens and emphasizing that one person's experiences, reality, and personal identity are different than someone else.

The Boxer by Nikesh Shukla - When racial tensions are rising in the city, and when a Far Right march through Bristol turns violent, 17-year-old amateur boxer Sunny faces losing his new best friend Keir to radicalization.

Brief Chronicle of Another Stupid Heartbreak by Adi Alsaid - Teen relationship columnist Lu Charles navigates life in the wake of a devastating breakup, and her decision to chronicle the planned breakup of another couple, Cal and Iris, in the summer after they graduate from high school. 

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad - Set in the city of Noor, along the Silk Road which has become a refuge for those of all faiths, Fatima becomes embroiled in a war between two clans of powerful djinn who threaten to destroy her peace in different ways, forcing her to make unlikely alliances to survive. 

Caster by Elsie Chapman - In this Chinese-inspired, magical Fight Club, Earth is already at the brink of environmental disaster due to the magic overuse. And 16-year-old spell caster Aza Wu must navigate through an illegal, underground battle magic tournament, while evading local gangs and police scouts to save her family from ruin. 

Children of Virtue and Vengeance (Legacy of Orïsha #2) by Tomi Adeyemi - After battling the impossible, Zélie and Amari have finally succeeded in bringing magic back to the land of Orïsha. But with civil war looming on the horizon, Zélie finds herself at a breaking point: she must discover a way to bring the kingdom together or watch as Orïsha tears itself apart.

Circle of Shadows by Evelyn Skye - Love, spies, and adventure abound as apprentic warriors Sora and Daemon unravel a complex web of magic and secrets that might tear them—and the entire kingdom—apart forever. 

Color Me In by Natasha Diaz - In this coming-of-age novel, biracal Neveah learns about the meaning of friendship, the joyful beginnings of romance, and the racism and religious intolerance that can both strain a family to the breaking point and strengthen its bonds.

Color Outside the Lines edited by Sangu Madanna - A groundbreaking YA anthology explores the complexity and beauty of interracial and LGBTQ+ relationships where differences are front and center.

Dealing in Dreams by Lilliam Rivera - 16-year-old Nalah leads the fiercest all-girl crew in Mega City, but when she sets her sights on giving this life up for a prestigious home in Mega Towers, she must decide if she's willing to do the unspeakable to get what she wants.

Dear Haiti, Love Alaine by Maika & Maritza Moulite - Told in epistolary style through letters, articles, emails, and diary entries,  when a school presentation goes very wrong, Haitan-American Alaine Beauparlant finds herself suspended, shipped off to Haiti, and writing the report of a lifetime.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He - In this Chinese-inspired fantasy, Princess Hesina of Yan is thrust into power when her beloved father is murdered, and she's determined to find his killer--whatever the cost. 

Don’t Date Rosa Santos by Nina Moreno - Rosa Santos is cursed by the sea-at least, that's what they say. Dating her is bad news, especially if you're a boy with a boat. As her college decision looms, Rosa collides - literally - with Alex Aquino, the mysterious boy with tattoos of the ocean whose family owns the marina. With her heart, her family, and her future on the line, can Rosa break a curse and find her place beyond the horizon. 

The Downstairs Girl by Stacey Lee - In 1890, Atlanta, 17-year-old Jo Kuan works as a lady's maid, but by night, Jo moonlights as newspaper advice columnist "Dear Miss Sweetie." When her efforts put Jo in the crosshairs of Atlanta's most notorious criminal, she must decide whether she, a girl used to living in the shadows, is ready to step into the light

A Dream So Dark by L.L. McKinney - Still reeling from her recent battle (and grounded until she graduates) Alice must cross the Veil to rescue her friends and stop the Black Knight once and for all in Wonderland. 

Eclipse the Stars by Maura Milan - Criminal mastermind and unrivaled pilot Ia Ccha and her allies make unpredictable choices as they fight to keep darkness from eclipsing the skies.

The Everlasting Rose by Dhonielle Clayton -  Camille, Edel, and Remy, aided by The Iron Ladies and backed by alternative newspaper The Spider's Web, race to outwit Sophia, find Princess Charlotte, and return her to Orléans.

Fake It Till You Break It by Jenn P. Nguyen - Neighbors Mia and Jake pretend to fake date to get their respective mothers off their back. All they have to do is pretend to date and then stage the worst breakup of all time. The only problem is, maybe Jake and Mia don’t hate each other as much as they once thought. 

Far From Agrabah by Aisha Saeed - On an adventure in a fantastical kingdom, Aladdin and Jasmine get caught up in the magic therein. But soon sinister outside forces come into play, threatening to strand them there forever. 

The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe - When Norris, a Black French Canadian, starts his junior year at an Austin, Texas, high school, he views his fellow students as clichés from "a bad 90s teen movie."

Firestarter (Timekeeper #3) by Tara Sim - Colton, Daphne, and the others must choose between those striving to take down the world's clock towers so that time can run freely, and terrorists trying to bring back the lost god of time.

Five Dark Fates (Three Dark Crowns #4) by Kendare Blake - In this conclusion to the Three Dark Crowns series, three dark sisters will rise to fight as the secrets of Fennbirn’s history are laid bare. Allegiances will shift. Bonds will be tested, and some broken forever.

Five Midnights by Ann Davila Cardinal - If Lupe Dávila and Javier Utierre can survive each other’s company, together they can solve a series of grisly murders sweeping though Puerto Rico. But the clues lead them out of the real world and into the realm of myths and legends. 

Forward Me Back to You by Mitali Perkins - Told in separate voices, Kat and Robin leave Boston on a church mission to help combat human trafficking in India while Kat recovers from a sexual assault and Robin seeks his birth mother.

Frankly in Love by David Yoon - Korean-American Frank Li Frank falls for Brit Means, who is smart, beautiful–and white. Fellow Limbo Joy Song is in a similar predicament, and so they make a pact: they’ll pretend to date each other. Frank thinks it’s the perfect plan, but in the end, Frank and Joy’s fake-dating maneuver leaves him wondering if he ever really understood love–or himself–at all.

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett - HIV-positive teen Simone Garcia-Hampton must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love--and lust--for the first time. 

The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi - Paris, 1889: Treasure-hunter and wealthy hotelier, Séverin Montagnet-Alarie gets the chance of a lifetime when the all-powerful society, the Order of Babel, seeks him out for help in exchange for a priceless treasure: his true inheritance. 

The Girl King by Mimi Yu - Sisters Lu and Min become unwitting rivals in a war to claim the title of Emperor. 

Girls of Storm and Shadow (Girls of Paper and Fire #2) by Natasha Ngan - After escaping the Hidden Palace, Lei and her warrior love Wren must travel the kingdom to gain support from the far-flung rebel clans.

The Grief Keeper by Alexandra Villasante - To have her family’s asylum request accepted, 17-year-old Marisol participates in a risky experiment to become a grief keeper, taking another’s grief into her own body to save a life. 

His Hideous Heart edited by Dahlia Adler - 13 of YA’s most celebrated names reimagine Edgar Allan Poe’s most surprising, unsettling, and popular tales for a new generation.

A House of Rage and Sorrow (Celestial Trilogy #2) by Sangu Mandanna - As gods, beasts, and kingdoms choose sides, Alexi seeks out a weapon more devastating than even Titania. The House of Rey is at war. And the entire galaxy will bleed before the end.

How to Be Remy Cameron by Julian Winters - When Remy is assigned to write an essay describing himself, he goes on a journey to reconcile the labels that people have attached to him, and get to know the real Remy Cameron.

Hungry Hearts: 13 Tales of Food & Love edited by Elsie Chapman & Caroline Tung Richmond - Interconnected short stories that explore the intersection of family, culture, and food in the lives of thirteen teens.

I Hope You Get This Message by Farah Naz Rishi - When news stations start reporting that Earth has been contacted by a planet named Alma, the world is abuzz with rumors that the alien entity is giving mankind only few days to live. And with only seven days to face their truths and right their wrongs, Jesse, Cate, and Adeem’s paths collide even as their worlds are pulled apart.

I Love You So Mochi by Sarah Kuhn -  Japanese-American fashionista Kimi Nakamura who journeys to Japan on a quest of self-discovery after her college plans fall apart; along the way, she reconnects with her estranged grandparents and finds romance with a handsome med student Akira who moonlights as a costumed mochi mascot. 

I Wanna Be Where You Are by Kristina Forest - Chloe Pierce’s chasing her ballet dreams down the east coast— with two unwanted (but kinda cute) passengers in her car, butterflies in her stomach, and a really dope playlist. 

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver -  Non-binary teen Ben De Backer is kicked out by their parents after coming out, but learns that sometimes from disaster one can build a happier new life,

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann - Winnie dreams of someday inheriting the family diner—but it'll go away if they can't make money, and fast. Winnie has a solution—win a televised cooking competition and make bank. 

In the Key of Nira Ghani by Natasha Deen - Guyanese-American Nira Ghani struggles with parental expectations and her love for jazz. 

Internment by Samira Ahmed - Set in a near future in the United States where Muslim Americans are forced into an internment camp, 17-year-old Layla Amin must fight against Islamophobia, oppression, and complicit silence. 

Inventing Victoria by Tonya Bolden - In 1880s Savannah, Dorcas Vashton offers Essie an offer she can't refuse, she becomes Victoria. Transformed by a fine wardrobe, a classic education, and the rules of etiquette, Victoria is soon welcomed in the upper echelons of black society in Washington, D. C. But when the life she desires is finally within her grasp, Victoria must decide how much of herself she is truly willing to surrender.

It’s a Whole Spiel: Love, Latkes & Other Jewish Stories edited by Katherine Locke & Laura Silverman - Get ready to fall in love, experience heartbreak, and discover the true meaning of identity in this poignant collection of short stories about Jewish teens. 

Kick the Moon by Muhammad Khan - 15-year-old Ilyas finds a kindred spirit in Kelly Matthews during detention. But when Kelly catches the eye of one of the local bad boys, Imran, he decides to seduce her for a bet. Standing up to Imran puts Ilyas’ family at risk, but it’s time for him to be the superhero he draws in his comic-books, and go kick the moon.

A Kingdom for the Stage (For A Muse of Fire #2) by Heidi Heilig - The rebels are eager to use Le Trépas’s and necromancer Jetta’s combined magic against the invading colonists. Soon Jetta will face the choice between saving all of Chakrana or becoming like her father, and she isn’t sure which she’ll choose.

Kingdom of Souls by Rena Barron - Set in a West African-inspired fantasy kingdom, Arrah comes from a long line of powerful witchdoctors, yet fails at magic. When Arrah trade years off her life for magic to stop the Demon King from destroying the world—that is if it doesn't kill her first. 

Kings, Queens, and Everything in Between by Tanya Boteju - 17-year-old, biracial, queer girl Nina Kumara-Clark is plunged into the delirious world of drag where she has the chance to explore questions of identity and love. 

The Last 8 by Laura Pohl - Young Latina pilot Clover Martinez finds herself grounded and alone after a devastating alien attack, but soon finds hope in an unlikely group of survivors who aren't what they seem. 

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki -  Teenager Frederica Riley undergoes what might possibly be the most epically complicated breakup in lesbian history -- or at least it feels that way

The Light At the Bottom of the World by London Shah - Set in a future where the Earth is underwater, Leyla McQueen must navigate the treacherous abyss to find her missing father, but discovers a world drowning in lies. 

Like A Love Story by Abdi Nazemian - It's 1989 in New York City, three teens, Reza, Judy, and Art cross paths. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating. But as Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan -  After she’s caught kissing her girlfriend by her conservative Muslim parents, Rukhsana Ali whisked off from Seattle to Bangladesh, where she must find the courage to fight for her love, but can she do so without losing everyone and everything in her life?

Love from A to Z by S.K. Ali - 18-year-old Muslims Adam and Zayneb meet in Doha, Qatar, during spring break and fall in love as both struggle to find a way to live their own truths.

Love Me or Miss Me by Dream Jordan - Kate's fantasy life of having the perfect family comes to an abrupt end when she is suddenly forced to return to the group home. Alone and vulnerable, Kate falls for the ever so gorgeous Percy who treats her well at first, but soon a cycle of controlling and abusive behavior begins. Will she be able to escape Percy's clutches?

The Magnolia Sword: A Ballad of Mulan by Sherry Thomas - As they cross the Great Wall to face the enemy beyond, Mulan and the princeling must find a way to unwind their past, unmask a traitor, and uncover the plans for the Rouran invasion . . . before it's too late.

A Match Made in Mehendi by Nandini Bajpai - 15-year-old Indian-American Simran “Simi” Sangha, who comes from a long line of matchmakers, decides to try to gain high school popularity using her family's matchmaking traditions to create a dating app. 

The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco - In  a world ruled by goddesses that has been split in two—one half existing in perpetual scorching Day, the other in freezing Night—twins separated at birth Odessa and Haidee embark on a quest across the great divide and rule a reunited world.

No One Here is Lonely by Sarah Everett - After having her heart so broken, Eden resorts to having her memories erased instead. 

Nocturna by Maya Motayne -  In a Latinx-inspired kingdom of Castallan, face-changing thief Finn Voy and grief-stricken Prince Alfehr must race to vanquish a dark magic they have accidentally unleashed. 

Not Your Backup by C.B. Lee (Sidekick Squad #3) - As the Resistance moves to challenge the corrupt League of Heroes, Emma Robledo realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front.

Oh My Gods by Alexandra Sheppard - Half-mortal teenager Helen Thomas goes to live with her father—who is Zeus, masquerading as a university professor—and must do her best to keep the family secret intact. 

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas - When 16-year-old Bri, an aspiring rapper, pours her anger and frustration into her first song, she finds herself at the center of a controversy.

Once & Future by Amy Rose Capetta & Cori McCarthy - In this Arthurian retelling set in space, King Arthur is reincarnated as 17-year-old Ari, a female king whose quest is to stop a tyrannical corporate government, aided by a teenaged Merlin. 

Opposite of Always by Justin A. Reynolds - After falling for Kate, her unexpected death sends Jack back in time to the moment they first met, but he soon learns that his actions have unintended consequences. 

Our Wayward Fate by Gloria Chao - 17-year-old teen outcast Ali Chu is simultaneously swept up in a whirlwind romance and down a rabbit hole of dark family secrets when another Taiwanese family moves to her small, predominantly white Midwestern town. 

Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribar - When 17-year-old Jay Reguero learns his Filipino cousin and former best friend, Jun, was murdered as part of President Duterte's war on drugs, he flies to the Philippines to learn more.

Permanent Record by Mary H.K. Choi - Brooklyn bodega worker Pablo crosses paths & falls in love with multi-platinum recording artist Leanna Smart. 

Rated by Melissa Grey - For the students at the prestigious Maplethorpe Academy, every single thing they do is reflected in their Ratings System. But when an act of vandalism sullies the front doors of the school, it sets off a chain reaction that will shake the lives of six special students -- and the world beyond.

Teen Titans: Raven by Kami Garcia - When a tragic accident takes the life of the only family she's ever known, 16-year-old Raven is sent to New Orleans to start over. She soon discovers that she can hear the thoughts of others around her...and another, more disturbing, voice in her head. 

Rebel (Legend #4) by Marie Lu - Brothers Eden and Daniel Wing struggle to accept who they’ve each become since their time in the Republic, but a new danger creeps into the distance that’s grown between them. Eden soon finds himself drawn so far into Ross City’s dark side, even his legendary brother can’t save him. At least not on his own. 

The Revolution of Birdie Randolph by Brandy Colbert - Dove “Birdie” Randolph maintains a close bond with her parents until first love and a family secret threatens to tear them apart. 

The Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee - The never-before-told backstory of Avatar Kyoshi, from a girl of humble origins to the merciless pursuer of justice who is still feared and admired centuries after she became the Avatar.

A River of Royal Blood by Amanda Joy - A North African-inspired feminist fantasy in which two sisters, Eva and Isa must compete in a magical duel to the death for the right to inherit the queendom of Myre.  

Rogue Heart (Rebel Seoul #2) by Axie Oh - Two years after the Battle of Neo Seoul, 18-year-old telepath Ama must use her telepathic abilities to infiltrate the base of the Alliance’s new war commander, Alex Kim, her first love who betrayed her. Will she be able to carry out her task? Or will she give up everything for Alex again—only to be betrayed once more?

Ruse (Want #2) by Cindy Pon - In near-future Shanghai where society is divided between the fabulously wealthy business elite and the masses they exploit, Jason Zhou must play a dangerous cat and mouse game with the ruthless CEO of an all powerful corporation which has an ever-growing choke hold on the polluted metropolis. 

Soaring Earth by Margarita Engle - In this memoir, Young People’s Poet Laureate Margarita Engle recounts her teenage years during the turbulent 1960s between Cuba and America. 

Shadow Frost by Coco Ma - When Asterin Faelenhart, Princess of Axaria and heir to the throne, discovers that she may hold the key to defeating the demon terrorizing her kingdom, she vows not to rest until the beast is slain. 

Take the Mic: Fictional Stories About Everyday Resistance edited by Bethany C. Morrow - A YA anthology focused on a collection of fictional stories of everyday resistance.

The Shadow Glass (Bone Witch #3) by Rin Chupeco -  Bone witch Tea's dark magic eats away at her, but she must save the one she loves most, even while her life—and the kingdoms—are on the brink of destruction.

Shatter the Sky by Rebecca Kim Wells - Maren, desperate to save her kidnapped girlfriend Kaia, plans to steal one of the emperor's dragons and storm the Aurati stronghold, but her success depends on becoming an apprentice to the mysterious dragon trainer, which proves to be a dangerous venture. 

SLAY by Brittney Morris - Black video game developer Kiera Johnson battles a real-life troll intent on ruining the Black Panther-inspired video game she created, and the safe community it represents for black gamers. 

Somewhere Only We Know by Maurene Goo - In Hong Kong, k-pop star Lucky who'd like to be anyone else meets charming con-boy Jack, looking for a big break to impress his paparazzo father. When sparks ignite, the two must decide if they can risk it all for each other. 

Song of the Abyss (Towers of Wind #2) by Makiia Lucier - When menacing raiders attack her ship, navigator Reyna must use every resource at her disposal, including placing her trust in a handsome prince from a rival kingdom.

Song of the Crimson Flower by Julie C. Dao - After cruelly rejecting Bao, the poor physician's apprentice who loves her, Lan, a wealthy nobleman's daughter, regrets her actions. After learning that Bao’s soul has been trapped inside a flute by a witch, Lan vows to make amends and help break the spell.

Soul of the Sword (Shadow of the Fox #2) by Julie Kagawa - As the paths of Yumeko and the possessed Tatsumi cross once again, the entire empire will be thrown into chaos. 

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim - 17-year-old Maia Tamarin poses as a boy to compete for the role of imperial tailor, and embarks on an impossible journey to sew three magic dresses, from the sun, the moon, and the stars, with help from the mysterious court magician, Edan. 

Spin by Lamar Giles - When DJ ParSec, rising star of the local music scene, is found dead over her turntables, the two girls who found her, Kya and Fuse, are torn between grief for Paris and hatred for each other--but when the investigation stalls, they unite, determined to find out who murdered their friend.

The Stars the Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petraus  - Audre from Trinidad and Mabel from Minneapolis, fall in love and create magic at the same time they learn one of them might not have long to live. 

Stronger Than A Bronze Dragon by Mary Fan - In this steampunk fantasy set in Qing dynasty-inspired China, warrior girl Anlei teams up with a thief to save her village from shadow spirits, but after arriving at the Courts of Hell, a discovery challenges everything they know about who the real enemy is. 

Symptoms of a Heartbreak by Sonia Charaipotra - The youngest doctor in America, Indian-American teen Saira makes her rounds―and falls head over heels in this romantic comedy. 

Tell Me How You Really Feel by Aminah Mae Safi - Sana Khan and Rachel Recht, on opposite sides of the social scale must work together to make a movie and try very hard not to fall in love.

The Things She’s Seen by Ambelin & Ezekiel Kwaymullina - As Beth Teller and her father unravel a mystery, they find a shocking and heartbreaking story lurking beneath the surface of a small town, and a friendship that lasts beyond one life and into another...

There’s Something About Sweetie (When Dimple Met Rishi #3) by Sandhya Menon - Told in two voices, disappointed-in-love Ashish Patel and self-proclaimed fat athlete Sweetie Nair begin to find their true selves while dating under contract.

This Time Will Be Different by Misa Sugiura - 17-year-old CJ Katsuyama’s mom decides to sell her family’s flower shop—to the family who swindled CJ’s grandparents during WWII Internment. Soon a rift threatens to splinter CJ’s family, friends, and their entire Northern California community; and for the first time, CJ has found something she wants to fight for.

A Thousand Fires by Shannon Price - In modern-day San Francisco where three gangs rule the city streets, half-Filipina teen Valerie Simons enters the Red Bridge Wars to seek vengeance for her younger brother's death, but soon finds herself torn between old love and new loyalty. 

The Tiger at Midnight by Swati Teerdhala - In ancient India, soldier Kunal hunts the “Viper,” rebel girl Esha accused of killing his General, embarking on a dangerous cat and mouse game and where both must decide—loyalty to their old lives or to a love that's made them dream of new ones. 

Truly, Madly, Royally by Debbie Riguad - When Prince Owen invites Zora Emerson to be his date at his big brother's big royal wedding, Zora is suddenly thrust into the spotlight, along with her family and friends. 

The Universal Laws of Marco by Carmen Rodrigues - Told through the lens of a guy in love with the cosmos (and maybe two girls), this story explores the complicated histories that bring us together and tear us apart. 

Virtually Yours by Sarvenz Tash -  NYU freshman Mariam Vakilian tries out a virtual reality dating app, only to be matched up with the high school ex she's still not over. Mariam’s heart is telling her one thing, but the app is telling her another. So, which should she trust? Is all fair in modern love?

The Voice in My Head by Dana L. Davis - When a sequence of wrenching secrets detonates, Indigo must figure out how to come to terms with her twin sister Violet, her family…and the voice in her head.

War Girls by Tochi Onyebuchi - Set in a futuristic, Black Panther-inspired Nigeria, sisters Onyii and Ify, separated by a devastating civil war, must fight their way back to each other against all odds. 

Watch Us Rise by Renee Watson & Ellen Hagan - Jasmine and Chelsea start a Women's Rights Club and soon go viral. But with such positive support, the club is also targeted by online trolls. When things escalate, the principal shuts the club down. Jasmine and Chelsea will risk everything for their voices—and those of other young women—to be heard.

What Makes You Beautiful by Bridget Liang - Encouraged and supported by his friends at school, Logan begins questioning his gender. Realizing they are not a gay boy, but a transgender girl, Logan asks for people to call them Veronica. As a girl, does Veronica stand a chance with straight boy Kyle?

We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal - In a world inspired by ancient Arabia, 17-year-old huntress Zafira must disguise herself as a man to seek a lost artifact that could return magic to her cursed world.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia - Set at the Medio School for Girls, where young women are trained to become one of two wives assigned to high society men; with revolution brewing in the streets, star student Daniela Vargas fights to protect a destructive secret, sending her into the arms of the most dangerous person possible—the second wife of her husband-to-be. 

The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf - A music-loving teen with OCD does everything she can to find her way back to her mother during the historic race riots in 1969 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. 

When the Stars Lead to You by Ronni Davis - 18-year-old Devon longs for two things.The stars. And the boy she fell in love with last summer. Senior year, Ashton shows up on the first day of school. Can she forgive him and open her heart again? Or are they doomed to repeat history?

Wicked Fox by Kat Cho - After 18-year-old Miyoung Gu, a nine-tailed fox surviving in modern-day Seoul by eating the souls of evil men, kills a murderous goblin to save Jihoon, she is forced to choose between her immortal life and his.

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo - With her daughter to care for and her abuela to help support, high school senior and aspiring chef Emoni Santiago has to make the tough decisions. But even with all the rules she has for her life — and all the rules everyone expects her to play by — once Emoni starts cooking, her only real choice is to let her talent break free. 

You Must Be Layla by Yasmin Abdel-Magied - Layla's mind goes a million miles a minute, so does her mouth. Despite the setback of a high school suspension, Layla's determined to show everyone that she does deserve her scholarship and sets her sights on winning a big invention competition. But where to begin? Looking outside and in, Layla will need to come to terms with who she is and who she wants to be if she has any chance of succeeding.