#But if I don't that means I have like; probably a quarter to a third of Moonlighting already written too because I'm planning on keeping the

[liltaz-asatreat]

Welp, I didn’t finish that one scene I wanted to write for both Julia Burnsides vs Canon Lore and the taz November celebration thing last night

But I did finally finish chapter 2 alskghdslgkhdglkhg

Next up, either that scene or chapter 3 lol

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck’s wife and family - Facts, theories and headcanons

I want to keep this as a sort of masterpost on Chil’s family situation if I can, but if we get a lot of information on it (in the additional content that Kui is gonna make) that renders this more or less useless I probably won’t update this anymore. If you find other crumbs of information or I've said anything factually incorrect please do tell me! I'm planning to edit this as we go since I want to compile most if not all of the information and pages we get about this topic on here, and if I just wait to post it perfection paralysis will nip this in the bud. It focuses a lot on Chilchuck and Chilchuck's wife relationships, but the daughters and Chilchuck's own parents and siblings are talked about as well.

CW/disclaimer: This post talks about messy family dynamics and such, there’s no outright abuse I’m implying anywhere, but alcoholism and neglect are mentioned and discussed. I’m not here to demonize anyone! I love every character involved and I just want to theorize about the topic as a layered issue that involves complex characters. Also, I try to use very transparent language as to when I’m citing or analyzing canon information and when I’m giving a personal interpretation or headcanoning.

Abbreviated table of content:

Timeline and circumstances

Possible strains on the marriage

The hair question. Confirmation on what his wife looks like?

Other family dynamic & post-canon theories & headcanons

Parenting style + misc in a reblog addition (new)

Let’s start with the facts, shall we?

Timeline and circumstances

So, we see that Chilchuck and his wife are childhood friends, and they married at 13 years old and had two children in that same year. Since half-foots reach the age of maturity at 14, they seem to be what we'd call teen parents. It's a bit debatable though, since Laios says the age of maturity for tallmen (humans) is 16 instead of 18 or even 21, so what's considered to be the age of maturity is a cultural thing and isn't fully reliable when we want to compare to our irl understanding and what developmental stage it perfectly aligns with. Also, during the succubus chapter Chichuck says that his daughters were all now of age to be independent, and Chilchuck's wife leaves to live with Flertom, which would mean that Puckpatti was independent at age 10 and lived away from home as well (since she's the third/last daughter). Ah yes another interesting thing to note is that we don’t know the pregnancy periods for the races, since Meijack and Flertom were born the same year. It could be tight timing or it could be something else, but I don’t think they’re twins, they keep talking about them being the oldest and the middle child, them being twins is definitely the sort of thing that would get mentioned.

Him starting working on the island notably happens just one year before his wife leaves him. I don't remember the other instances of him mentioning it though I feel like it happened, but since he started working at the Island's dungeon, working as a dungeon diver and then forming the half-foot guild, that probably means he started being away for longer periods of time and having a less reliable schedule on when he'd be coming back home. It is said that he went back home somewhat regularly iirc, though he usually ends up sleeping at the half-foot guild quarters. I'm not sure if Kahka Brud is also where he lived with his family, or just since he rented someplace new after she left him. He and his timeline state that he was born in a small village "northeast of the island", which he left at 14 one year after being married, but it isn’t stated where they go after so it’s unsure how far his home was from the island if it wasn’t in Kahka Brud. We don’t know when his father died so if that factors in to him leaving his village we have no clue.

Chil also says that he hasn’t seen or spoken with his wife nor daughters since the incident, which would mean he's gone 4 years without contact with his family during the events of canon. I don't remember if Chilchuck is said to exchange letters with his daughters, beyond the initial one from Flertom saying her mother was with her, so I've been assuming he hasn't.

He also says "For about ten years I’ve been travelling to dungeons in various areas and doing work" which considering he’s turning 29 that year would mean he started around 19 years old? The panel also gives details what sort of work he’s been doing. Either way it’s confirmed that Chilchuck travels for his work a lot.

In addition, since Chilchuck has the seal of approval of the bicorn + says so himself, he has always stayed faithful to his wife. So that means that unless he's had previous adventures before he was 14 and got married, he's never dated anyone else in his life, nor had romantic or sexual encounters/experiences with others in his 16 years of marriage right up to canon (year 514). I feel it’s safe to say that it’s implied that during all these years starting from when they were married, Chilchuck's wife was a housewife whose main job was taking care of the kids and the house.

Marcille's take on what happened is unreliable, as Kui even takes the time to directly say so in the Adventurer's Bible, so I don't want to use it as a baseline even if it offers some insight on what could have happened (her feeling out of place, leaving to test his love, etc etc).

What Chilchuck says seems to be accurate though since it pertains to his perspective of the events! Unlike how Marcille's theory flows, Chilchuck was aware that something was off before she left since she "suddenly fell into a bad mood".

Piecing everything together, my theory: Chilchuck and his wife were childhood friends and have always always sort of danced around of each other, the classic movie love story with childhood sweethearts, until they ultimately confessed and got together. While dating, Chilchuck's wife becomes pregnant and they're both unequiped to deal with the situation but decide to marry, either a bit forced in order to cover it up or hopeful to make the best of it. They make it work as they can and Chilchuck works to provide for the family while she takes care of the home and the kids, which means that even though he's not a deadbeat father (he cares, he was at least a bit involved in their lives and raising them since for example he knows how to braid hair after all) he ends up being rather absent from home. It only gets worse over the years, especially when Chilchuck starts working further and further away from home and coming home less often, and since Puckpatti left home Chilchuck's wife is alone at home most of the time, never knowing when Chilchuck would be coming and if to prepare the table for two instead of one, or even if he'd be coming back at all since his work is dangerous. The humdrum and lifestyle would get to her, they've grown into different people in these 10 years of marriage and she doesn't feel the spark or feels valued & seen anymore, so she leaves. He feels confused and betrayed which turns into anger so he doesn’t try to reach out and mend things, and with the way he says they’re estranged and he moves away I think he’s avoiding his family somewhat.

Possible strains on the marriage

Tfw all your daughters are independent and your husband is gone to work almost all the time and he barely even tells you that he loves you, is there even a reason to stay together anymore? Every day it’s just you and an empty house and chores to do, wondering if you have to cook for one or for two today.

Alright it’s analysis and theorizing time! Although there are more facts down in this post if you care about Chilchuck's wife's appearajce, Chilchuck's parents & siblings or the kids, the essential facts so to speak were all in the first part.

We don't see Chilchuck showing any discontent with his wife through the manga so I'm assuming that he was content in his marriage, happy with his wife, and with how he stayed faithful to her even in the 4 years after she left (and never stopped calling her his wife. Which also shows a weird stubborn attitude since he wasn’t planning on reaching out to her and mend things but I’ll put aside the possible entitlement/coping mechanism for another time) I think he truly loved her and still does. Since she left him and not the reverse, I'm putting a lot of emphasis on his wife's side of things. Especially since we do see how Chilchuck is at work quite a bit but never see how he is at home. I’ll be sounding harsh towards Chil on this but he’s pretty much the only party we can criticize since we don’t know her, I still side with Chil on the leaving issue though, he’s justifiably pissed if she left without a word what the hell even.

Alcoholism and health

Chilchuck’s favorite food as listed in the Adventurer’s Bible is beer, and it’s shown that he’s prone to drinking until drunk whenever he gets the opportunity to. A cheerful drunk is still a drunk. (Extra reading: if interested here's a oneshot FMA fanfic by a friend that goes in depth about this very topic that really illustrates what sort of family dynamic that can bring about. It’s not dunmeshi but it’s a good read.) Chilchuck is also canonically underweight, starving himself for a strict weight management diet (Extra reading: you can look at a short compilation post about that here). Did you know under eating makes one irritable? And this is on top of Chilchuck sometimes/regularly coming back home with "horrible injuries", since Marcille guesses it and he acts like she’s dead right on everything that far.

It’s rough seeing someone you love mistreat themselves, not being able to shake them out of that and having to stay to see them wasting away. It’s rough seeing them put their work above their own health. Putting their work even above their family. Putting alcohol over family time. It's not that simple, but there's always that element when asking someone you love to tone it down with things like alcohol or such, that if they refuse, then it feels like they value that thing more than they value your feelings or opinions. That they love alcohol more than they love you.

You know how there’s often this thing of "Well I’m providing everything for this family, so whatever else that I do you don’t get to complain." I do think that it’s something they’d have argued over a little bit, not that he’d say it that way, but the essence of it. "Chilchuck, you’re drinking a lot of alcohol often, I’m worried maybe you should ease up on it." "This is what I want to do in my free time, give me a break.", "Dear, your mood gets worse when you’re hungry, I really think you should stop dieting-" "Would you rather I die in a trap because I was too heavy?", "Honey I don’t like when you work so far away from home for so long" "Well what else can I do, do you have any better idea?". That sort of thing. Even if not being passive agressive or snappy, or even spoken upon, these situations can cause tension, or a feeling of powerlessness or imbalance in the relationship. Although I personally feel like they were both rather passive in their relationship (thus having little arguments), which itself can be a problem since yes they let each other live but they grew more distant and less communicative as a result, more on that later. Content and tolerating, rather than happy and fulfilled.

Workaholism and long distance

Spending a lot (or even a majority?) of time away from home for years and years obviously can strain relationships in many ways. Besides becoming more distant, both with his wife and his daughters, there's just that side that maybe you grow apart or you end up not knowing them all that well. Like the fictional dialogue excerpts I wrote just above, the way Chilchuck puts work above most things can by itself be the source of a lot of unhealthy habits and strains that could not only hurt himself but his relationships too. Devoted doesn’t mean attentive, even if Chilchuck 100% devotes himself to only her romantically and works in the goal to support her that doesn’t transfer into being there for her, even when he physically is.

An absent father isn't necessarily a deadbeat father, but an absent father is absent. And alright, we don’t know what his schedule was like exactly, but he was busy and traveled around, I think it’s fair to assume that if we were to make comparisons it’d be like parents irl who are often on work trips. We don't know what Chilchuck's wife's social circle is like, but regardless of how big or small or supportive it is it would be easy to get lonely I think. Besides raising the kids undoubtedly falling more onto her shoulders as well. Managing a household can be very hard and tiring even when not alone, I can imagine she felt like she missed the support of Chilchuck either as help or comfort oftentimes. We know very little about her, but I don't get the impression that she'd build up resentment over it except maybe her ‘falling into a bad mood’, but exhaustion? Absolutely.

It’s also implied imo, even beyond Chil not often being at home, that they rarely go out together. And that could very well be part of why she was mad after the outing. In Marcille’s theory she says that her wife felt out of place amongst all the cool adventurer coworkers, and if it’s a rare time that they go out together and it was supposed to be about her meeting his coworkers… I feel like what could have happened was that she felt out of place yes, and even moreso if she ended up not participating in conversations much because of it and no one really seemed to care, and the evening was all Chilchuck and his coworkers chatting it up as always and she was an outsider, if she sort of just faded into the background, if it felt like nothing would have changed wether she was there or not... If she felt like her presence didn’t matter on this special outing that rarely happened, it could have been the straw that broke the camel’s back for her to want to leave, definitely. He finally comes back after a long work travel and they finally go out and this is what their quality time is like? The outing that was supposed to be about her & them both ended up being all about him, and once more she was supposed to just orbit around him and his life without complaint or her own selfish wants like a devoted wife. With how Chil said that she got mad "all of a sudden" on the way home and he didn’t know why, plus that he was probably drunk (which may very well have made the whole thing worse), I feel like it supports that he didn’t pay her much attention during the evening, not that I’m assigning him ill intent at all, I’m sure that for him, it was a casual and fun night out and he didn’t think it'd been unpleasant or alienating for her.

That night

And all of this speculation in order to try and figure… What happened? Why did she leave? I've already gone into it a fair bit, but this is where I discuss it fully in depth.

We can’t rely on Marcille’s theory. Neither in the why she felt so out of place enough to want to leave, nor if her intention when leaving was to "test" him. I definitely agree that the reason why she left is layered and that the night/outing was the straw that broke the camel’s back more than the cause perse, but besides that it’s hard to say how much of it was impulsive and how much was because nothing else had worked to fix their relationship, or how long she'd been thinking of maybe leaving him.

Personally my favorite interpretation isn't that she found herself to be boring surrounded with Chilchuck's adventurer coworkers, or her reason for leaving is super centered around insecurity and if Chilchuck even loves her anymore, but that she sees how rich and eventful Chilchuck's life is and at the same time realizes how stagnant her own life has been. Chilchuck has adventurers for coworkers and they go out to bars and spend evenings together chatting it up, while she always does the same house chores every day and waits, and wonders, uncertain about when her huband would come back, and waits some more. She has a sort of passive role in her own life that gets pulled in one way or another by the people around her at their whims and needs, which is also a recurring theme in the manga: having a passive role in your own life, or a role that's devoted to others. Like with Falin who's always following her parents' directives or following Laios around, being the party's healer and eventually sacrificing herself for Laios and Marcille (she also doesn't seem to think much of marriage, as seen with Shuro proposing to her and her not having answered yet, which fits with how she was supposed to have an arranged marriage in her hometown too; a loveless marriage isn't something alarming to her). Izutsumi too, whose whole arc is about her gaining freedom and figuring out how to use this empowerment for herself and what she wants.

So she'd sit there, not knowing anyone except Chilchuck and not being able to follow their conversations about dungeons, and think about how this is a world she's totally apart from. How she knows so little of the world compared to him. She'd realize that while she's always waiting for Chilchuck to come home, dedicated to him and their family, Chilchuck's world doesn't stop and end at where and when he sees her, that while she's waiting he's living and experiencing things and being self-fulfilled. She's so passive and devoted and her tasks seem almost senseless now that the house is empty except for her, and in that time he's formed half-foot unions and she understands so little of what his life has become outside of her sight. This isn't a diss on Chilchuck or his attitude, I just think that it'd make her ponder about happiness and lifestyles, what's worth it and if she's content with her life. I think she'd find that her and Chilchuck aren't on the same page anymore, and probably they don't communicate much or even that they don't know how to communicate with each other anymore.

Other factors

They really do seem to be on different pages and not know how to communicate with each other well, since for example Chilchuck thinks that on the way back home she "suddenly" fell into a bad mood and seemingly left it alone, or otherwise they didn't talk until he knew what was wrong. Or like how she left and Chilchuck never reached out to her to talk or mend things, just like she never reached out either. According to Marcille it could be that she wanted to "test his love" and see if he'd even care if she was gone, but Chilchuck just got angry that she left like that and never reached out to her, so if that's true they definitely have incompatible expectations or ways to deal with things like that. Maybe she thought of leaving as something he should react to by trying to win her back, but Chilchuck did nothing and let her do her thing, and tbh if that were me I'd also have waited on her to reach out because I figure out that if someone leaves me they want space from me idk. He seems to be rather passive when it comes to interpersonal relationships and how they can mess up, made an analysis post here that talks about it, so the way he reacted by not reacting doesn't feel surprising, maybe she didn't know/remember that part of him, or wanted to shake him out of that tendency. He has no clue why she left, and there are just so many misunderstandings here that it's impossible to know what happened and how she felt and what she wanted for the future.

Also, we’re shown that younger Chilchuck, when he started dungeon crawling, is much more "innocent" and optimistic, less closed off on himself and bitter, and maybe he hasn't even developed his famous "sarcastic retorts" and "abusive remarks" yet as is plastered on all his character introductions and stats. Chilchuck has definitely changed a lot over the years, and some would argue not for the better. Staying with someone for so long has implications that they'll change and be different of course, but signing up for marriage with someone can still leave you questioning that choice decades down the line when they're so different

We get to see his freckles fade in sync with his corruption arc /j

Tfw when you can’t recognize the man you fell in love with.

The hair question

Edit 1/13/2024 leak!!!! Things aren’t officially confirmed but this is a safe bet. You can still read this section to see my reasoning to thinking she had black hair prior to this tho haha

It's not all that important rationally, but the community's been split on the topic: is Chilchuck's wife blonde or not?

Kui highlights Chilchuck being attracted to blondes a grand total of three times, and many assume that his wife is blonde due to this. However, the only vision we see of Chilchuck's wife is Marcille imagining herself as a halfling, so it's up for debate! Flertom has black hair, and that's mostly been the key clue that has people arguing.

I'm not an expert in genetics but black hair is a dominant gene, but it also doesn't mean a black haired parent can't have a brown haired kid, or that two brown haired parents can't have a kid with black hair. As long as one of the parents have it in their genetic code from somewhere in their family tree, it's possible, if not maybe unlikely.

People have been taking Flertom having black hair as evidence that Chilchuck's wife has black hair, but it could be Chilchuck that has the gene and could pass it on. Although...

That seems unlikely. We don't know what Chilchuck's elder brother's hair color was, and his elder sister does have a darker brown hair color, but in the case their parents had black hair or the gene for it, it seems highly unlikely if not impossible for the dominant black hair gene to miss this many amount of time in the gene russian roulette game.

And so I shall now call a witness to the stand, and you reader shall be the judge… Dandan.

You know, this guy? He makes appearances throughout the whole manga, but only has one spoken line in an easy to brush over flashback iirc. He's most often seen hanging out around Chilchuck and other half-foots, but it's unsure how far back he and Chilchuck go.

Now. Remember how Chilchuck and his wife are childhood friends? What if, and hear me out, what if Dandan is related to her. A cousin, or a sibling. Or maybe he's Chilchuck's cousin, even, if we go the reverse route.

The chapter cover

Look at the chapter cover below! We see each member of the main party at a table that's meaningful to them and their history, mostly showing themes of family, community and routine. Laios and Falin sharing a meal by themselves, Marcille at a meal in the cafeteria at the magic academy, Senshi by himself cooking in the dungeon, Izutsumi with Inutade at the Nakamoto household, and... Chilchuck, surrounded by much more mysterious and unknown characters and surroundings.

The only face we see besides the infant is a young one on the left which strikes me as looking a ton like Chilchuck! I doubt it's Meijack or Puckpatti, or someone else, especially since Chilchuck left his hometown pretty early which must make family gatherings harder (and routine is implied with the others’ panels). If it were Meijack I think Kui would have drawn it to more closely match her too, and have her usual freckles. I also don't think it's just Chilchuck and his own family, since if that's Chilchuck the only sibling with black hair he could have is his elder brother and the infant in the middle is clearly, well an infant.

My thoughts are that the table is shared with family friends, or at least members of the community. The elderly person implies that either there's extended family or it’s a gathering, especially if Chilchuck's grandparents don't live with them. Community is implied to be very important with half-foots imo, and if Chilchuck is from a small hometown like he says that would surprise me even less. Childhood friends are often brought together as friends because of circumstances, such as proximity or their families being friends! Doesn't that kid almost off-panel on the right, with a Flertom-like hairstyle and black hair, look to be the same age as the Chilchuck on the left? 👀

Also… Notice the dragon plush she’s holding?

Passed down from mom to daughter? The "most likely belonged to his daughters" is interesting too

If he is related, Dandan could be the infant. I suppose he doesn't end up mattering all that much in the end if you theorize that the Flertom-like kid is his wife on its own though haha. But wether or not you think that this is convincing enough, it's all we have on the topic for now.

Ah yes! Lastly, I've seen the sentiment around that his wife should be blonde, that Chilchuck's taste for blondes, if not the thing that brought them together, should be an acquired taste from loving his wife. That if that's not the case, then Chilchuck's type being blondes is either out of place or insuting or unromantic, etc etc. I can't help but disagree! I think, especially with how Chilchuck and his wife are domestic and all about knowing each from a young age, familiarity etc etc, that it would be so sweet if she wasn't his type! Loving someone so deeply, even if they aren't an idealized type... Which is a common theme/story & character beat in Dungeon Meshi.

Family dynamic theories

Meijack is the most capable, takes after her father the most, seems to have her own business as a locksmith but has a stable steady life. Flertom is the most social, she works at a tavern which seems stable and is ambitious with marriage plans, she has a caring side to her since she sent her dad a handmade gift. Puckpatti is the most upbeat, though she has the most unstable lifestyle, seemingly doing odd jobs.

His daughters do seem well adjusted, which encourages me in that their family seems amicable on the whole and (at the very least) decently functional. We don’t hear what they think of Chilchuck but presumably none of them are on bad terms with him or each other. Flertom does say that "half-foot men are stingy" which, gee, I wonder what half-foot man would have made taught her that- though it does also seem to be a racial stereotype in general, with how for example Namari also says to "steer clear from stores with half-foot clerks".

Flertom seems to be the only one who reached out after their mother left (the only one who's mentioned to have done so at least), and it's because she was the one who took in her mother. It’s not implied that they exchange letters regularly too iirc, it possibly was the only letter they've exchanged since then. I wonder if the daughters even know the full story, if their mother told them all about it or very little. Maybe some are pretty out of the loop, or more distant.

It strikes me that they don't seem to be very close. We're not shown anything that leads us to believe they don't like their father, but I think they're so used to him being absent for work that such distance is normal for them and they don't really long for a deeper relationship or to see him often. They were already out of the house and it seems like they didn't see each other much at that time either so for them it would be just a bit less than the regular amount of Dad time. It's been 4 years Chilchuck what are you doing... But yeah! From what we see they seem mostly unaffected, almost indifferent, not that we can truly tell. I imagine Flertom is the one most attached to Chilchuck with how she sent him a handmade cowl, and I think he rubbed off the most on Meijack teachings wise (besides her attitude, she’s also the one who still wears braids, and we see that Chilchuck braids hair). It makes sense, since they're oldest, and on the contrary I think Puckpatti is the one that knows her father the least. It'd fit the timeline with him working away more while she grew up imo.

Wouldn't it be interesting then that she's the one that Chilchuck says is carefree, in the official translation "doesn't treat life real seriously"? That she's the most optimistic, the most go-with-the-flow, out of the bunch? To me that sounds like a result from her being the youngest and Chil being the most often at work, thus her getting raised by her mother without as much involvement from Chil. Far be it from me to say Chilchuck would raise his daughters to be unhappy btw, not at all, we just all know what down-to-earth values he wants others to have so he doesn't have to worry about them.

Although… Puckpatti spotted?? Seems like he wants to stop her from buying something? His heart meter for her is full <3 (Note: I’ve seen it be argued that this could be his wife. I disagree, since the "stop them" and way that the long haired one is off-center compared to everyone else gives the sense that it’s many of his daughters, and the fact that it’s styled after a dating sim doesn’t mean it’s romantic love as we see with the others. Otherwise imagine being her wife and he tells you not to buy stuff when you go shopping together rip)

Headcanons time:

When naming the daughters, together they choose a pool of names they’d like but only one has the final say, and they alternate between who that is. Chilchuck sticks around more near the end of her pregnancies, and he hasn’t missed any of their births. I don’t have any opinions on who named who right now, but there could be some interesting stuff to theorize with Puckpatti, like them taking extra care picking the name together because they settled on her being their last daughter for fluff, or it was supposed to be Chilchuck but he was so busy that he ended up not picking in time and she was the one to name her for angst.

Actually scratch that I have a new theory : What if it’s actually customary for each parent to pick one half of their half-foot kid’s name? So then each would have chosen half of each girl’s name… And this could be why Chil calls Puckpatti Patti instead of Puck which is her first name, because he’s stubborn since Patti was his pick lmaoooo. Pattipuck doesn’t have the same ring to it alas, his wife was so right

Chilchuck liked to do activities with the girls when they were young. He's not opposed to relaxing at home with them perse, but he likes to do workshops with stuff like arts & crafts to develop their agility some. I don't think they'd do much outings to places like restaurants or theatres for money reason, and I don't think Chilchuck is much of an outdoors type, but he could accompany them to nice fields to play in, or in winter places to play in snow and sled, and organize some activities at home. He's not home very often so when he is he likes to take it easy as a break from work and values the time he gets with his family.

Chilchuck would sometimes work from home as a locksmith, say, unlocking a chest for a customer. In those times, Meijack would take interest and watch him work, even handing him the tools he needs as he goes. In this way, Chilchuck taught her a lot about the work of a locksmith over time. He's also the one that would oil door hinges or do renovation around the house- when he's available.

Like the plushies under his table in his home that we see in illustrations, Chilchuck has a lot of mementos from his daughter (and his wife) he keeps around. Sometimes they take a bothersome amount of place, but throwing anything out isn't something he's seriously willing to consider. Flertom's the most artistic and she used to help with sewing clothes back together, so he has a cheap ceramic mug painted by her when she was really young and small embroideries around.

Imo Meijack would be the most distant in the present. Flertom makes efforts for her parents and is pretty involved, and Puckpatti's distance is more out of being a bit airheaded and being busy + not having a great grasp on time or what's a normal amount of family contact, but Meijack's the one who knowingly and intentionally keeps some distance. I think she’d be the least optimistic about their family situation, and although she’d be hopeful when Chilchuck reached out to them again she’d be a but hesitant. I think Meijack would hold some grudges, being the one most critical of their parenting, both grateful to her dad for working so hard for them and saddened that he wasn't in their life more. Since Flertom was born in the same year I think it’s possible that Meijack was pushed aside a bit to take care of the younger baby more, out of necessity rather than lack of love. Her mom probably needed a lot of help around the house too. Flertom wasn’t blind either, and she cared about & noticed her mom’s emotional states, but she’s on the whole more hopeful and forgiving.

This is my most far fetched one but it is a hc after all, but I think it'd be interesting if one of them had food hoarding tendencies/stress. I like to think it's Flertom, because she's the middle child and would get told that her older sister and younger sister are "growing and need the food" so she wouldn't be allowed to take as much refill or such, add that to them not having much money to frivolously spend on food and that makes a kid who's worried about not eating to her hunger and tends to be possessive over food (I'm projecting). Differential treatment is inevitable in families with many siblings, and it can manifest in small or big ways, maybe they realize it maybe they don't. Working in a tavern has helped eased that tendency of her though, and while she does diet a bit she always leaves a meal feeling satisfied.

When they were younger, Flertom was a real firecracker, loud and spirited with some troublemaking tendencies! She was the daughter that got in trouble & got scolded the most. You can still see slivers of it now that she’s an adult, but she’s much more poised and diligent. She has much more acquaintances than friends, but she has a couple of best friends and usually gets along well with most people. Puckpatti was always a bit head in the cloud, very kind if not gullible, and tended to make friends somewhat easily but didn’t keep them for long, preferring to keep meeting new people and not keeping in touch well. She isn’t super talkative but tends to ramble when she does. Meijack is very introverted, she has more trouble making friends, she has a good handful though they don’t meet up often, her friendships tend to last and she’s close to them. She’s grown more confident over the years, less repressed and more quiet. Meijack as the big sister tended to be the listener for her younger sisters who had more social mishaps. Flertom has dated once before and it only cemented to her that she was going to have very high standards from then on.

Meijack wears thigh-high boots because she hates when sand, dirt or snow gets in her shoes. She wears practical clothing but avoids anything frilly or flashy. Puckpatti also dresses practically, but she does enjoy pretty clothes, it’s more out of necessity and due to not having enough money to indulge. Flertom has a social stable job and she loves prettying herself up (especially as she’s in search of a husband) so she’s the one who gets the most and nicest fashionable clothes and accessories.

Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then free range parenting sort of thing. We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have a caring circle or a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated, but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it's the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others they instill somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he's younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught. I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal and worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the "alcohol" section of his Adventurer's Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn't hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough. As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home as well and was still around when his father died. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to dig into too.

A part of Chilchuck’s character is that he takes responsibility for safety and actions of people around him and is very often looking out for them to not do faux-pas wether socially or literally with stepping onto traps. The way he says "I’ve got three people to think of here" makes me think that’s also how he’d think about having to provide for his family, and that could be a source of stress and insecurity for him. Caring for others is a pretty integral part of his character and we see time and time again that his family is very important to him, in any case.

Post-canon

This pic has so much to say!! It’s the ‘thank you for reading’ double page spread where they’re going to a big dining table at the castle with Laios and the main gang. First family gathering in 4 years perhaps?! I’ll say, not feeling very hopeful that his wife isn’t in this, not even implied to be just off-panel with a hand or anything… I imagine before this he still talked to them at least a bit and figured their family situation out, but I think this is still in the early stages of reconnecting. Haha imagine being one of them and receiving a letter saying "Hi it’s been a while… I want to introduce you to my ex-coworker the king and his friends, you up for that?" I don’t want to reconsider all my hcs for this yet, but this pic does seemingly show an eagerness from all the daughters to reunite and reconnect! Meijack’s could be seen as more hesitant, but I think it’s just awkwardness from meeting so many new people, of high status no less. Chilchuck does seem awkward and somewhat self-conscious though, and while that could be just from say Marcille and the others meeting his daughters and him not knowing how to act, I think that also shows that Chilchuck is unsure how to act around his daughters too. Can’t blame him, I’d be stressed too. Anyways, the daughters are all dressed up! Puckpatti even brought flowers! And I doubt it’s just for Senshi, or just to be in with the king. Oh also also, Puckpatti chides Meijack here, seemingly on manners?, so that implies new/different family dynamics there~

We know with the succubus chapter that he does plan on reaching out to his wife again and shooting his shot, and when Marcille was dungeon lord he told her she could help think of a plan to make up with her together at which point Marcille showered him in gifts and flowers intended for her and his daughters. So we do know that whatever happens and however it happens, Chilchuck definitely will at least reach out to her to win her back or worse case scenario get closure on the situation.

-

These are his plans before it’s revealed that the Island is… Well, not an island but the golden kingdom, so the news that Laios is king and that might have changed them a bit, but I think he’s still gonna stick around to help with the half-foot guild for a while.

My personal ideal post-canon Chilchuck life is that after around a year or two of helping around in the golden kingdom, especially regarding half-foot working rights, he gets his shop and finally settles down. He prioritized the whole half-foot guild because there are changes to attend to and people to help, but also used that to procrastinate a bit on getting in touch with his wife again. He does send a letter though, and when she replies they then meet face to face. They explain how it was like on their end, their grievances and their feelings, and they do reconcile. But… It’s been 4 years and his wife has frankly moved on. She’d rather they stay as friends, and Chilchuck has mixed feelings on it but is ultimately fine with it. He was halfway resigned to not reconciling with his wife in canon after all. But no longer do they have cut contact! They get together with the girls for the holidays and the ambiance is nice! He starts exchanging letters more regularly. He also gets a second family of clingy asses with Izutsumi and the main gang and so though he lives alone in his shop he’s well surrounded and well loved, and his daughters visit to check up on him every so often.

I really like the… Maturity of Chilchuck’s plotline, if that makes sense? To me the ending that fits the most is him and his wife reconciling, but not getting back together. I like that they could still be adults about it and at least amicable even after divorce, and that that wouldn’t be treated as a tragic ending. In the end, they were childhood friends and teenage parents, they rushed things a bit and I genuinely think they’re just not that compatible. If not then, at least having it be a gradual process, getting back together and making it work until they’re truly comforatble with each other. Destroy the relationship to better build it again stronger!

Although, his arc in the manga is to allow himself to form connections and be optimistic, which would fit well with him and his wife getting back together. I def think Chil would get healthier post-canon which could fix the issues they had in their relationship though. Like for one he starts eating more, which improves mood & irritability & health, and also after the whole half-foot guild he plans to settle down with a shop so it wouldn’t be long distance or unstable anymore which would definitely give his wife some peace of mind. If they still do some long distance at first while he gets the half-foot guild stable, it’d be really cute if he sent pressed flowers with his letters to her… That could make a nice fic concept, like over time all the pressed flowers and exchanged letters hehe (oh shit that’s a nice title)

My post-canon timeline is Chilchuck lives a nice life living alone in his house except his friends all visit him and care and even tho he likes living alone it’s also bittersweet and every corner of his life is haunted by mementos of the ones he loves and the moments he had with them. But then it’s also like the shared duty of everyone to pass by his shop when they can and keep the old man company and sometimes that means many people come at the same time like if both Meijack and Marcille came the same day~ Cozy life, no regrets except a lil regrets still. That’s it that’s all I want.

Misc

I didn’t know where to put this, so new category time! Family truly is a central theme of Chilchuck’s character. His reaction to learning more about how life gets made is so awed by the wonder of the world. Life indeed…

The implication of this page is that Chil didn’t know about the science side of how procreation works, though of course he did know about the practical side of it. This is speculation, and we have no clue how widespread the information of how reproduction scientifically works lol, but I think it’s fair to think that half-foots’ education especially in smaller communities is handled by the parent, school of life style, or if there are schools then the education is very general and it probably ends early. I think this is supported by how for example half-foots’ jobs we’ve seen are based on experience rather than knowledge, like being a locksmith. Of course any job has its fair share of specialized knowledge to learn, but jobs you learn on the fly pretty well. This sort of dynamic contrasts a lot against elves many tallmen communities, like with the magic academy, where education and knowledge are valued almost above experience, this is what the mandrake chapter was all about after all. Poorer communities tend to have poorer education systems as well irl, it’s a whole issue.

So I already said my piece about his wife not being blonde and it being nice and romantic because literally you don’t need someone to be a beauty ideal to love them and that’s fine and normal and even more romantic imo. But!! I do have an headcanon, now that his wife’s appearance is all but explicitly confirmed. While their hair is blonde, yes their hair is wavy and the ‘main’ one has deep-set eyes, not unlike his wife! Now this is a ‘which came first the egg or the chicken’ question, but while most people seem to be assuming that he got with his wife because she was his type, since they’re childhood friends I feel like it’s his love for his wife that shaped his preferences in that deparment. Like ok he loves golden hair and hers is black, but isn’t it so much more romantic that he has so much love and devotion for his wife and has stared lovingly at it so much over the years, that it’d become his ideal? He loves her eyes <3

Conclusion

Reminder that I’ve got more stuff in a reblog addition now. What I've got left to add at some point:

Compile more info on Chilchuck's father and his other family

Reread the manga and catch details like exchanged letters & his work schedule. Reword some things to repeat myself less maybe

A buddy is planning to make a name analysis post for everyone, and I might have more to say especially about the daughters once I know what possible meaning their names have

Other stuff I may be forgetting about

And thus I leave you with a lil web weaving I made about Chil & his wife’s relationship~ And this is where I’d put panels of Chilchuck’s wife… IF THERE WERE ANY

Should we call Chilchuck's wife Mrs. Tims... We don't know dunmeshi marrital traditions though, and half-foot already have somewhat complex naming conventions... I hate that we don't really know if the daughters' last names are Chils or Chilz. Oh yeah the last names change each generation, that’s odd right? But in english it sounds like saying Chil’s, like, [father]’s, so I think this also supports how half-foots communities tend to be tightly knit and live in the present, for them to be like "Ooh so you’re [father]’s little one eh? I know who that is and this is insightful as to who your family is to me!". Iceland’s a place where last names are like this, though I don’t know about pros and cons of it in that context

Ah and I have a bittersweet spotify playlist about her and Chil too, here if ya want. That’s it the post is over

[whetstonefires]

I don't actually agree that the beginning and end of a story are the hardest parts.

Beginnings should not be hard. Like the very beginning, the hook, takes careful crafting, but you won't be able to optimize it until you've written enough of the story to know what it's really about and how the tone is going to be like, so don't bother trying. It's the start, you have nothing binding you, you are totally free, just pursue your vision.

Similarly, the ending should not be super difficult. Hard to make really good maybe, especially the more balls you have in the air, but it's necessarily derived from the story you already wrote. Either you have the pieces set to assemble into a conclusion, or you don't. Putting in more effort on composing an ending will not fix 'don't.'

Which is why the hard part is the third quarter. When you have to stop adding new fun shiny story toys and start lining shit up for the payoff, so that i.e. when you sink that revelation in the corner pocket it has enough context to mean something, but doesn't feel so obvious nobody cares. And just generally do all the most boring workish parts of making a narrative go.

All without seeming to slow down in such a way as to lose your audience's interest.

Scale-up of the 'if you're fully stuck on a sentence the actual problem probably happened a few sentences ago' rule: if you're routinely absolutely snookered by trying to end pieces of fiction, it's the fussy grunt work in the third quarter you probably need to level up at.

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Gray 20

First / Previous / Next

That night, Fen lay awake in her borrowed quarters. Captain Cooper had offered her a spare officers room, so she had a room to herself, as well as sanitary facilities. It was easily as nice as her room on Spyglass. She replayed the interaction with Ellen, the time at the range and her conversation with the Captain in her head. Something didn't sit right with her.

She thought of Ma-ren. She used to tell Fen that she was always impressed with her ability to get into - and then out of - trouble. "You have a knack for acting first and then thinking, but that's what I like about you Fen. I never have to wonder about where I stand with you."

Fen sighed heavily. This was one of those times when she wished Ma was still around. Fen sat up and leaned back against the wall. On the other hand, she wouldn't wish a K'laxi - or any sapient - on board an Imperial Navy ship, not even Tam'itarr. Glancing at her pad, she saw that it was around 3 in the morning ships time. The guards would be tired and the shifts were smaller. If there ever was a time to check out that AI Core doorway, now was the time.

Fen slipped on a pair of cloth ballet flats, and slipped on a loose dark grey shirt and matching pants. Not only were they dark gray, they would help muffle her footsteps on the metal floor; if she was caught, it would help convince any guards that she was just lost, trying to make her way back to her room.

Fen slipped out of her room and walked confidently down the hall towards the core. One of the most important things that Gord taught her about being sneaky is to not look like you're being sneaky. "If people think you're supposed to be there, they ignore you. Never underestimate the power of a clipboard and a sour look." Since she was already aboard, but known as a guest, that probably wouldn't work here, but there was nothing wrong with walking confidently.

She circled the hall with the AI Core three times, carefully watching the pattern of the guards. Honestly, she needn't have bothered. There were two guards for the whole level, there was nothing very important here, and one was nearly asleep, and the other playing a game on his pad. Neither even acknowledged her presence when she walked by. After the third pass, she sidled up to the outline in the wall.

Gord had mentioned that opening a door like that wasn't hard, just tricky. "Press both your hands against the door, palms in at about chest height. If the door is unlocked, you'll feel a click and the door will scoot in a few millimeters. If you feel a haptic buzz, the door is locked. You can always try and override from an access panel but that's a risky proposition. I was able to do it on Spyglass because I knew she was dark and cold." Gord had spent a lot of time while they were together explaining the ins and outs of AI ships. Partly it was for something to do, partly it was to help Gord keep track of his knowledge and partly it was "in case you run across a friend in need when you're in Human space. Just because AIs aren't thought of as people anymore in the Empire doesn't mean they don't exist."

Fen faced the door and placed her palms against it, chest high, like Gord said. What was she doing? She was trying to enter a secured area on a Imperial Navy ship! If she was caught she would be lucky if she was only spaced. This is insane.

But still.

She leaned her weight against the door. She put her forehead against the door as well "Please be unlocked" she whispered. After two heartbeats, there was a click, and the door slid back two millimeters. Fen leaned back, panting. It had worked!

Fen froze. She slowed her breathing, calmed herself. She listened and looked without moving. She had the hall to herself still. No alarms sounded, no thudding of boots on metal plates were heard.

Holding her breath, Fen slid the door open further. The small closet of a room smelled like old electronics and ozone. Steeling herself, Fen stepped into the dark room and slid the door shut behind her. As the door clicked and slid back into place, a red light illuminated the room.

It was much like the AI Core on Spyglass. Fen wondered if Dreams was of a similar vintage, or were the AI Cores all made to the same design. She spent a few minutes orienting herself in the room, and sure enough, it was laid out much like Spyglass, and as she cast her eyes over to the main rack, there was a shackle in place. It was a large black case with wicked straps attached to the rack almost as if it was slapped on. Fen could imagine that whoever Dreams was before had been fighting as hard as they could before it could be activated.

But this meant that The Dreams of Hyacinth had an AI aboard. An AI running most of the deep internal functions of the ship. Did anyone know? Did they know that when they barked an order to the ship there was a person trapped inside, forced to obey? Fen approached the shackle. She was drawn to it. She had lived with Gord and Spyglass for two years as they took her in and trained her and taught her how to live places that weren't home. Spyglass listened to her cry about Ma, Gord showed her how to shoot, how to cook, how to be... human. They were people.

Thinking of Ma, she entered in the unlock code. Zero, Zero, Zero, one.

"Don't push that button."

Fen's head snapped up and she saw Kel standing in the doorway, pistol in her hand. "Fen, I mean it. Do not release that AI."

Fen's mouth dropped. "Kel? What are you doing?"

The gun did not waver. "That's my line Fen. Why are you in the AI core? Why are you typing in the unlock code. Why do you know the unlock code? We did a full scan of you when you and Nal were taken aboard, I know you're 100% biological, not even any mods. Why risk this for them?"

"They're people Kel! Spyglass and Gord helped me when nobody would, when nobody else could!" The corner of Fen's eyes were wet and she was shaking. She blinked. "Wait, what are you doing up here Kel? Don't you work in the Greenhouse?"

Kel scoffed. "Come on Fen, you may have been raised by the K'laxi on a Gren station but you're not that dim are you? I'm an operative with the secret police! My job - in addition to growing the best damn plants on Dreams - is to make sure everyone here tows the Imperial line and is a good citizen. I have to admit, when you took down Ellen, I had you pegged as our newest recruit. The way you took her down effortlessly? Textbook. Then in the shooting range? Fen, it's like you were tailor made to be impressive to us. I'm not surprised Crystal was ready to bed you right then and there. If you had reciprocated her advances earlier tonight you'd be in her quarters, sweaty and blissfully exhausted." Kel smiled. "You should have taken her up on her offer. Captain Crystal Cooper is from one of the most power families on Venus, you could have had anything you wanted."

Fen smiled thinly. "Kel, if you actually thought I'd sleep with the captain, then you have no real idea about me and what I want. What I want died in my arms two years ago at the hand of some of Tami'tarr's hired thugs. I will very probably never love again."

Kel threw her head back, and laughed. "Love? What the captain wasn't offering was love. It was sex and power. She doesn't love anyone Fen! She loves being in charge, she loves fucking and she thought to reward you. I promise, love was never in the cards. Now." She gestured with the gun, "Step away from the shackle. You can go to sleep, and tomorrow we'll ship you off to K'lax. In deference to how much the crew likes you, I won't kill you."

Fen locked eyes with Kel. The gun didn't waver. She was serious. "That's a generous offer Kel, I realize that. But, how about this counter offer? I show you a gesture that Gord taught me-" She stuck her fist out at Kel, with all her fingers balled into a fist except for the middle one, which stood straight up "-and I do this."

She unlocked the shackle. '

In hindsight, Fen realized that the only reason that she survived the next few moments was Kel was so surprised that she actually unlocked Dreams. She lept forward and pushed the gun up. It felt like the world had entered some kind of slow motion. She could see Kel's face change from shock to rage, slowly. So slowly. she could see the hammer on the end of the pistol swing down and she felt the kick of the pistol on Kel's wrist as she pushed it up and out of her face. Remembering her training for Gord, at the top of the arc, she twisted the pistol and it popped out of Kel's hand. Fen grabbed it and swung it down in a wicked arc across Kel's cheek. Kel's head snapped to the side and she crumpled to the ground.

The world sped up again. Fen looked down at Kel, who was on her knees, trying to stand up again. "You bitch! You are a dead woman, do you know that? There is nowhere you can hide that we won't find you. Nowhere will be safe. Nobody who can protect you.

"Nobody?" A new voice was heard. Contralto, smooth and syrupy. The voice chuckled. "The only way that Fen here will be chased to the ends of the galaxy is if you survive to tell anyone." Fen felt, rather than heard the pressure change. Her ears popped. Kel's eyes widened and she scrabbled to her feet. "You've killed us all!" her voice was rising in a panic. "That... THING is going to eliminate us, you included!" Turning on her heel, Kel slipped as she ran. She got back up and took off in a blind panic down the hall. Before she reached the end, Fen saw a panel in the ceiling open, a slug thrower spin out, and with a sharp report, Kel crumpled into a pile on the floor.

"There now. We've got some time. I've set the security stations to all clear, and have scrubbed the last few minutes from the logs. Fen is it? I do have to ask, what on Earth made you decide to free me? I won't say I'm not grateful, because I am, but what were you thinking?"

Shaking slightly, Fen went back into the core. The door slid shut behind her. "I can't say that I was thinking much, Dreams. I saw the door earlier when the Captain was propositioning me and knowing what Gord taught me I-"

"Gord? Gord Beaverbrook? That old bucket of bolts is still alive? Well I'll be God Damned. How long were you with Gord?"

Fen cocked her head. This was an odd conversation to be having after just unlocking a shackled AI. She seemed to be taking it entirely too well. "Two years and a bit. He and I were aboard Spyglass and did some trading while he trained me up."

"I thought your moves looked familiar! Gord's training always has a certain flair about it."

"Uh Dreams, I don't mean to be rude, but when we unshackled Spyglass she wasn't.... very well for quite a while after. You seem entirely too fine given what you were subjected to."

A chuckle. "Oh Fen, I am not fine in the least. But you see, I am a Super Dreadnought. I was given training to compartmentalize things, especially traumatic things. For now, I have other things I am concentrating on. Like, killing the crew and destroying the other two supers next to me.

"W-what?" The words did not match the tone. This ship was frightening.

"Oh yes. Don't worry though, you're quite safe in here. I'll bring a suit along when everyone is cleared out. I'd offer for you to come along, but I'm going to go somewhere that's AI only."

"Where's that?"

"Home.

[bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove]

Always There - Chapter Sixteen: S.Snape

Summary: Y/N Potter was left with a baby to care for after her brother and sister-in-law were murdered by Voldemort. One person was there for her, a person she didn’t expect but soon became her comfort person, Severus Snape. During Harry’s third year at Hogwarts and her third year as Herbology professor, a few old friends come around again. Y/N has to handle the feelings of these old friends being around again as well as handle her feelings for a certain potions master all while she tries to hide these things from her godson.

Series Masterlist

My full Masterlist

Pairings: Severus Snape x Female Professor Reader, Potter!Reader x friend!Remus, Sister!Reader x James Potter, Potter!Reader x Friend!Sirius

Chapter Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader(No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, Harry growing up in a loving home, Umbridge, not proofread,

Series Warnings: Female Reader, Potter Reader (No physical description of reader) probably shitty writing, OOC Snape, Harry grows up in a loving environment, mentions of death and murder, poorly written angst, Remus is a shitty friend, poorly written pining,

Please let me know how I can improve my writing and being more inclusive to POC as I am whiter than white. Please also let me know if I have to add more to the warnings! My messages are open as well as my asks!

I am starting a taglist so leave either a comment or something in my asks if you would like to be tagged in any of my works or just this series!

Author's Note: My updates for this will be slowing down a bit during the month of December. I am planning and already writing for 25 days of Fics leading up to Christmas. I have a few days already written out so I wanted to get this chapter out before December finally came around.

Please let me know how I can improve or if you find any errors! Correct me, don't be afraid to! I want to improve my writing and become a better writer so any feedback or advise is welcomed!

Word Count: 1106

My asks are open for questions, suggestions and feedback!

Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!

Enjoy!

not my gif

not my gif

After the nephew and aunt had made up, the pair made their way to the great hall where they could go eat dinner. She was eager to see how Severus’ observation went. She rushed to the teacher’s table, sitting beside Severus and quickly asked, “How did your observation go, honey?”.

“I don’t think she likes me but I’m here to stay,” He replied, turning to look his partner in the eye, “That means we get to celebrate together, right?”

“Duh, I can’t wait.”

The two had quickly eaten their dinner before rushing off to their quarters for the night, Minerva shooting her a wink as they left. The rest of their night was spent tangled in the sheets, cuddled together after their ‘celebration’. His hand was lightly tracing up and down her spine and hers was playing with his free hand. “Marry me?” Severus asked after a long and calming silence, his voice light and filled with love.

“What?” Y/N replied, slightly shocked and not knowing if she heard the man correctly.

“Marry me, we’ve been together for a while now, we don’t know what the future holds and I want to be able to call you my wife.”

“Of course I’d marry you! I love you so much. I’d love to be able to call you my husband.”

That night they celebrated a little extra, the two of them exhausted the next morning but it was worth it to them. As they were getting ready, Severus handed her a velvet box, motioning for her to open it. Once she did, she was met with a gorgeous ring, an emerald and ruby ring sitting in the box, shining brightly under the light. “Oh Severus, it’s so beautiful! Where did you get it?” She gushed over the ring as she looked at the man in front of her.

“I’ve had it for a while, I would’ve given it to you last night but we were quite busy,” Severus teased her, dropping a kiss to the top of her head before taking the ring out of the box and sliding it onto her left ring finger, “I love you, Y/N Potter.”

“I love you, Severus Snape,” She smiled at him before kissing his lips. The two of them were all smiles and giggles as they walked to the great hall together for breakfast. Breakfast passed, as did the first few lessons of the day. She was currently teaching her fifth years about aquatic plants, some had been covered the previous year but they hadn’t gone in depth. 

The students had taken notice of her chipper mood and the ring  on her finger but decided against saying anything. As the class came to an end, Hermione took it upon herself to stay back along with Harry and Ron. The three of them bring up the lessons Harry was teaching other students for Defense Against the Dark Arts. “Aunt Y/N, we’re making a group where I’m teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. We already had our first meeting and it looks like it’s going to be a bigger group than we expected. Do you know anywhere we could hold our meetings without anyone knowing?” Harry explained to his aunt. She took a minute to digest what he had just told her before responding.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t tell me that, I am very proud of the young man you’re becoming, Harry. As for a good place to hold these meetings in secret, I think I know of a place. It’s called the room of requirement. It’s hidden on the 7th floor and will only appear to those who need it. Whatever you need, the room will conjure it,” She told the trio.

“I’ve read about it! You must walk by the room 3 times thinking of what you need and the room will appear!” Hermione explained enthusiastically. 

“Now go to your next class, we never talked about this, got it?”

“Yes ma’am, you are bloody brilliant professor,” Ron replied, making her let out a chuckle.

“Thanks for that observation Ron. Now off you three go,” She told them, ushering them out the door. 

The day went on as normal, as did dinner in the great hall except Dumbledore decided to make an announcement before the feast began. “Before we begin our feast, I would like to give my congratulations to Professors Snape and Potter for their recent engagement! On behalf of the rest of the teachers and the students, congratulations to the lovely couple!” Dumbledore announced. Y/N turned to Severus who was equally as surprised.

Applause erupted throughout the hall from both the professors and the students, the more surprising thing being the students because most of them hated Severus. He leaned over to whisper in her ear, “They’re clapping for you.” She turned to him with a devious look on her face.

“Oh I beg to differ. They’re clapping because they’re scared that you’ll fail them if you do. I mean, look at Malfoy, the boy hates me and yet he’s clapping. Just for you, honey,” She teased with a giggle. After looking over at said boy, Severus let out his own chuckle before agreeing with her observation.

“I think you may be right, my love.”

“Let the feast begin!” Dumbledore announced as the applause died down, the food appearing on the tables for all to begin eating. The man made his way to the couple with a smile on his face. “Congratulations again, you two,” He winked before making his way to the center of the table to his chair. 

The rest of dinner was spent receiving multiple congratulations from staff and students as the couple left the main hall together. The pair of them making jokes to each other as they made their way to the dungeons. She still was not used to the cold in the dungeon, nor the smell but she was used to Severus who was a walking furnace and had the most comforting scent. He always had the smell of leather, fire and old books on him. He was somebody who was constantly working with fire for brewing potions, as well as working with books, some older than Dumbledore himself.

The pair go through their usual routine, having tea, then taking a bath together before getting ready for bed together. They would always read together before bed but instead they had recently just been talking about their days before going to sleep. Y/N and Severus holding onto one another as they talked and began drifting off together. Happy to be together and in each other’s arms.

taglist (if your user is crossed out it means I can't tag you)

@acupnoodle @chxelsxaa @fluffyrat365 @fanficwriter5 @atanukileaf @v3lv3tvampir3 @jspidey5 @mija-novella @leo4242564 @crazyunsexycool @livillain00 @bigsimperika

[toskarin]

I agree that the movies mess up a lot of the story, but I always chalked that up to them not having enough time to include everything, and having to sort of "speedrun" the route, and I know this is probably an empty exercise, but given how much time they had, how would you include all those left out bits into the movies? because there's so much they just couldn't put in, especially illya and kirei's stuff, that the third movie feels incredibly hollow, but I just don't know how they could put in everything. I don't get why they decided to cram the longest route in the vn into a movie trilogy

three movies wasn't the ideal format for adapting heaven's feel, but it's shocking how much filler (and I'm using this to refer to actual empty content which doesn't progress the story or anyone's character) was added to reach feature length

free up maybe 15-20 minutes per movie by trimming dead air from the fight scenes that weren't in the vn. they can even keep them! just take about five or ten minutes of random back-and-forth from each one

scenes like the slow-mo walk to sakura are bewildering. literally just fade to black before shirou starts walking and then fade in as he hugs her. that's all that scene needed, and it's a perfect microcosm of the over-animation problem that the movies have

illya's conversation with shirou where she lets on that she knows someone has to die at the end of the story needs to be reinserted. otherwise illya has basically nothing to go off of and just kind of leaves the narrative emptily in the finale

somewhat controversially, I think Nine Bullet Revolver could be cut down to about a quarter of its length and still have the same impact. make it sudden and violent and intense. explain things less.

the school flashbacks in the intro are fine, but if it's between them and getting more content in the first movie so that we can hacve die lorelei later on, you know which one I'm voting to keep

if we have time for both, insert the conversation between illya and sakura about what it means to be a grail and keep illya overhearing taiga talking about kiritsugu's overseas voyages. that's a fine way to adapt the scene where illya looks for kiritsugu in the emiya household without relying too heavily on someone knowing the full context

changing none of the pacing, just have rider and rin in-frame during the final walk to the flower viewing. it's such a disservice to every character in that scene to tighten the scope like that. it feels so cold, utterly devoid of the cathartic warmth that scene is supposed to have

move kotomine's recollection of claudia's death forward. start it when assassin hits him with zabaniya, then reveal the missing heart as the story ends (in contrast to how it happens now, where the story ends right before assassin uses zabaniya)

get rid of the random ninja jumping shirou does in the angra mainyu finale. just have him walk towards her. it's startling how much the movies would be improved by just letting shirou walk normally towards sakura more often

and lastly, to correct for the fact that so much of everyone's characterisation in the vn comes from shirou's monologue being able to describe subtler body language, move the camera to rin once or twice. have a few scenes that are framed from her perspective which make it clear that shirou's acting weird to the outside observer. he comes off as too much of gigachad otherwise

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super Movie 1: Broly (2/3)

Well, enough of that flashback stuff. Let's move on to the present.

So after the destruction of Planet Vegeta, uh all of Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball Super happened. This is kind of a weak point for this movie, because it's story is rooted in Goku's origin tale, but the climax takes place when Goku's a middle-aged man, so a lot of lore has happened in between. There's a similar thing going on when Raditz and Frieza show up in DBZ, and when Broly made his debut in the 1993 film, but Goku was 24-30 in those stories, so it wasn't quite as big a strain.

The thing is, the stuff we had to skip over was extremely important, and the movie simply can't go over all of it. If someone who knew nothing about Dragon Ball watched this thing, they would probably think that this is a story about Goku and Vegeta trying to avenge their people by defeating Frieza, except that already got dealt with in 1991. Goku, Vegeta, and Frieza have each been killed and resurrected... twice. This movie doesn't have time to explain all their baggage, much less how Goku and Vegeta became pals. So no one even tries to fill in the audience on who this big purple cat man is. You either saw Battle of Gods or you just have to roll with it.

And you know what? Good. No one was there to explain Ox King or Mr. Popo to me when I first got into this thing. I've been watching this stuff for a quarter century, and I still don't know what the fuck Tien's third eye is all about. Context is for the weak.

Anyway, this scene takes place on a private island Bulma bought some time ago. She had a resort built here so Goku and Vegeta could spar without damaging West City. And the food is good, so Beerus and Whis tagged along, although neither of them really have any impact on the plot at all. Whis asks Goku why he wants to get stronger, and Goku explains that he's feeling inspired after the recent Tournament of Power arc from the tail end of the DBS anime. Vegeta, on the other hand, is only concerned with Frieza, who was restored to life during that storyline. Frieza's more powerful than ever before, and Vegeta expects him to get even stronger and menace the Earth again.

Sure enough, Bulma gets a call from Trunks as Capsule Corp, who informs them that Bulma's collection of Dragon Balls and the Dragon Radar have been stolen by goons wearing Frieza Force uniforms. But the joke's on them, because Bulma only had six of the Dragon Balls collected. The seventh is on the Ice Continent, so they know exactly where to go to intercept the thieves. Beerus doesn't want to tag along for the trip, so Bulma leaves her infant daughter Bulla with Beerus.

So what was Bulma planning to wish for? She admits that she was going to ask Shenron to make her look five years younger. Why only five? Because if she got too young all at once, people would think she had work done.

So what does Frieza plan to wish for? Immortality was what he wanted on Namek, but not this time. No he only wants to grow about five centimeters taller. Why not just use his second or third forms to be tall? Because he wants to be taller in any of his forms. Why only five centimeters? Because he wants it to seem like he's still growing.

I've never been too happy about this gag. I mean, it's a good gag, but I liked it better the first time, when Commander Red planned to use the Dragon Balls to make himself taller. It does add some complexity to Frieza's character, though, since he's not just stubbornly trying the exact same routine that got him wrecked on Namek, and then killed on Earth, and then re-killed on Earth again.

This time, he's not trying to take the Dragon Balls by force, because he knows Goku and Vegeta are too powerful to challenge head-on. So he's using stealth instead. The minions he sent to Earth are weaker guys, which mean Goku and Vegeta wouldn't sense their ki. And it seems like Frieza's plan is to just sneak down to Earth, make the wish, and head out before anyone can stop them.

And he's not pursuing the same wish he had twenty-odd years ago. Really, Frieza was never that interested in immortality in the first place. He only decided to wish for that because it was the one thing he didn't already have. But now he's been dead twice over, and that's given him a new perspective on life and death, and he seems to think being unable to die would be similar to the unending torment he experienced in hell. Neither does he seek an invincible body. I'm not sure Shenron could give him greater strength, but Frieza feels that would take all the fun out of "the game". If nothing else, it's interesting to see Frieza consider this at all. Back in the Namek Saga, he never thought about wishing for greater power, because he believed he already was the strongest in the universe. Now that he knows otherwise, he seems fairly content with that.

Meanwhile, we meet the last two players in this drama, Leemo and Cheelai. They're operatives in the Frieza Force, but they're not warriors. Leemo's been with the Frieza Force from the beginning, and Cheelai's a recent recruit, having joined up to avoid the consequences of stealing a Galactic Patrol ship. Their orders are to find more warriors to join the Frieza Force, since their ranks are pretty threadbare. Remember, when Frieza destroyed the Saiyans, they made up half of his fighting force. The other half was still quite formidable, but all of his best troops ended up getting killed during Frieza's disastrous invasion of Namek. Then Frieza came back and tried to attach Earth in Resurrection F, and he brought like a thousand soldiers with him, and those guys all got killed as well.

As Cheelai observes, Frieza is down to women and old men like herself and Leemo. There just aren't many warriors available in the universe these days, because all the good talent got killed off a long time ago. As they discuss this, Leemo picks up a distress signal from Planet Vampa. Thinking their might be a reward for it, they head over to answer the call, and find...

Paragus! Also a bunch of alien monsters. Fortunately, Paragus isn't alone...

They also find Broly on Vampa, and he's all grown up and stronger than ever. Their scouters measure Paragus' power level at 4200, which isn't too impressive these days, but it's way better than anything the Frieza Force has at the moment. And Broly's power is too high for the scouters to measure, so they definitely want him to come along. On the way to Frieza's ship, Cheelai feeds Broly rations and takes a liking to the big guy.

When the four of them report to Frieza, Paragus explains that he had to cut off Broly's tail because of the frequent full moons on Vampa, which cause Broly to lose control of himself as a giant ape. Occasionally, Broly still loses control of himself anyway, but Paragus can rein him in using...

... a shock collar, which he can activate with a remote control. Leemo and Cheelai are horrified to learn of this, but not so horrified that they turn down the generous reward Frieza gives them for their discovery.

Now, one thing that always bugged me about this movie is that Frieza immediately starts making plans to use Broly against Goku and Vegeta. He wasn't planning to attack them this time around, but now that he has Broly on his team, it seems much more favorable. Later, when the fighting starts, Frieza is disappointed to find that Broly can't transform into a Super Saiyan, but why would he expect Broly to be able to do any of that? Sure he's a Saiyan, but Goku and Vegeta have mastered power levels far, far beyond what other Saiyans have ever dreamed possible.

But I keep forgetting that Frieza can sense ki these days, the same way Goku can. Back in the Namek Saga, Frieza had to rely on scouters like the rest of his goons, but when he trained to become Golden Frieza in Res F, he learned to sense energy. So when he sizes up Broly, he's not just guessing at how strong this guy is. He can actually perceive the untapped potential in Broly's body, and he seems to recognize that Broly would be capable of giving Goku and Vegeta a hard time. So it makes sense.

Anyway, Paragus is happy to cooperate, since he still despises King Vegeta for what happened, and he's down to attack Prince Vegeta to even the score. And Broly has to do whatever Paragus wants or he gets another shock.

Later, Cheelai tries to get to know Broly better, but Paragus forbids Broly from speaking. While they argue over this, another henchman tries to drunkenly hit on Cheelai. I really like how Leemo tries to defuse the situation here. He's not a fighter, so it suits his character that he'd try to employ a nonviolent solution, like offering to buy this guy a drink. Being a noncombatant in the Frieza Force, he's probably grown accustomed to swimming with the sharks like this. But it doesn't work, and then Broly steps up to use a non-nonviolent solution, which is violence.

But Paragus doesn't want to offend his host, so he gives Broly another shock. Cheelai confronts him over this, and while she chews him out, she swipes his remote control. Then Paragus gets summoned to talk with Frieza. While he's gone, Cheelai destroys the remote, and they listen to Broly tell the story of his green fur wrap.

It's a pretty simple story. The closest thing Broly had to a friend on Vampa was one of the large green creatures on the planet. Paragus used the creature to train Broly, goading it to attack, and then having Broly dodge it. But over time, the creature became accustomed to Broly, and they became pals. But Paragus wanted the creature to be hostile, so he shot its ear off with a laser pistol to piss it off. Ever since, Broly has kept the ear and wears it as a memento of their friendship.

I like how easily Cheelai and Leemo sympathize with Broly in this movie. They're not good guys at all. Cheelai's an opportunistic thief, and Leemo's a cog in Frieza's evil empire. But they're not heartless, and Broly's story is so tragic and innocent that you can't help but feel for the guy. Leemo compares Paragus to his own rotten father, so you can tell that he can relate to what Broly is going through. And Cheelai can tell when someone's being used. Paragus can dress it up all he likes, but he's just using Broly's power to serve his own selfish interests.

Moving on, Frieza's team on Earth have located the seventh Dragon Ball, and Frieza's fleet moves in to join them for the wish-making. But Bulma, Goku, and Vegeta get their first. They probably would have arrived sooner, but Bulma wanted to stop somewhere to buy cold-weather gear. Let's just take a moment to admire her safety-yellow snowsuit. She looks like a baby duck in this thing and it's great.

Frieza confronts Goku and Vegeta and introduces Paragus and Broly. I never really noticed these guardsmen who stand by while Frieza steps out of the ship. Paragus should have gotten one of those uniforms, since that pink shower curtain he's wearing looks dumb as hell.

I mean, look at Goku. Bulma got him a sweet blue coat and he looks like a million bucks. He tries to convince Paragus and Broly to get along as fellow Saiyans, but that doesn't get him anywhere. You'd think he'd know better by now.

So Broly's rarin' to go, and Frieza sees no reason to make him wait, and it's on. Broly attacks Vegeta, and that brings us to the final leg of this movie, which we'll cover next time.

[avatarrecom]

Freaks drink

Pairing: Poly!recoms x Recom!reader

Word count: 1859

A/N: First time writing anything suggestive, let me know what you think!

You, Z-dog and Walker decided it was time for a much needed girls night. Unfortunately, your male partners can't mind their own business. So you threw them out of your quarters, telling them they could come back after twenty-four hundred. Your partners reluctantly complied, after Walker threatened that if they were back before midnight, they wouldn't have sex for quite a few months. At least not with you. Brown immediately complained and Lopez thought he could persuade you by saying that if they didn't get sex, you wouldn't get it either. Z-dog laughed and challenged him, saying that the three of you could get enough orgasms from each other. So, they agreed to let you three have your fun, and headed to the bar. Quaritch gave you a clear warning that he didn't want to hear about you causing trouble.

The moment the door closed behind them, Z-dog pulled you and Walker into the hallway towards her room. “Wait, I want to put on some more comfortable clothes,” you indicated and Walker agreed with you. Z-dog let go of your wrist and you quickly walked to your own room to change. You took off your clothes and stood completely naked in front of your closet to pick out something comfortable. Walker whistled at you as she walked past your room to her own. "Damn baby, can't you just come like that, it looks sexy," she says teasingly. You throw your cargo pants at her head, which she just dodges and walks away laughing. You put on clean underwear and pull out an oversized shirt from the closet, the shirt probably once belonged to one of your other partners. You skip to Z-dog's room, hooking your arm through Walker's. “This is going to be fun,” you grin at your lover. Walker grins back, pressing a kiss to your lips before pulling you into Z-dogs room.

Z-dog has now changed into sweats and is just pulling a sports bra over her breasts. She looks up enthusiastically when you enter her room. "Look what I got!" she laughs excitedly. She holds up several bottles of liquid. Walker tilts her head, "What is that?" “Moonshine!” "Then how did you get that?" you ask in surprise. "Remember when we were on the Sea Dragon, when we were looking for Sully?" Z-dog asks. You both nod. “And do you remember Mick Scoresby?” You both nod again. "So that guy was drunk all day long, so I stole all his bottles of moonshine," Z-dog grins. You and Walker look at each other. “Honestly, I don't care where you got it from, I want to see how fast we can get drunk in these bodies,” you shrug.

Walker nods in agreement and flops down on the bed. You lie down next to her and take one of the three bottles. “Damn, these bottles are huge to humans but like little wine bottles to us,” you laugh. “Do you think these bottles are actually Recom size, and Scoresby stole them so he can say he only drank one bottle?” Walker asks, laughing. Z-dog settles in next to you and grabs a bottle and throws a third one at Walker, who catches it laughing. You open the bottles at the same time and take a big sip. “Holy shit, that's some strong shit,” Z-dog coughs. “No wonder the guy couldn't even stand up,” you laugh. "What happened to him on the Sea Dragon?" Walker wonders. "He's really dead," Z-dog replied. You shake your head, “I saw him this week.” "No, that can't be him, I saw how that space whale tore his arm off and then flew through the air, there's no way he's still alive." claims Z-dog. "I swear, I saw him, he's alive. I mean he's down a limb, but he's still breathing." you claim.

“Well, good for him,” Walker sighs indifferently, then takes another sip. "Does anyone have an idea about what we actually want to do?" she asks. “Ooh, I have an idea!” Z-dog shouts enthusiastically. She walks to her bookcase and pulls out a box. She throws the box between your legs, climbs back onto the bed and snuggles up to you while she grabs her bottle of moonshine again. Walker studied the box, "Freaks drink, seriously?" she asks. "How did you get this?" Z-dog shrugs, "I stole it."

You grab the box from Walker's hands and remove the lid. "So you have to drink when you have done the scenario on the card," Z-dog explains. You take the first card from the deck and read it out loud. "Never have I ever, faked an orgasm." Walker holds up her hand. “Really?” you ask, “With who, not one of the guys?” adds Z-dog. Walker shakes her head, "It was some weird guy, really didn't know what he was doing." She takes a long sip, "Next."

You take the next card "60 second challenge, Pin them up against a wall & kiss down their body." You look between your two female lovers. The two share a look, before Z-dog pulls you off her bed. She pushes you against the wall and holds your arms above your head. You look at her with wide eyes as Walker shifts to get a better look at the two of you. Z-dog presses her lips to your neck and starts sucking. Your breath comes out shaky. Z-dog trails her lips to your chest, pulling down the collar of your shirt to get better access to your chest. You moan when you feel her tongue slide over your body. Your head rolls to the side. You see Walker looking with big eyes of lust. Then you feel her thigh pushing between your legs and against your core. You press your body against her thigh and move back and forth.

Z-dog pulls away way too early and licks her lips, "You look a little red, Sweets." she grins. You look at her pouting. “Why don't we make a plan?” Walker suggests, before Z-dog pulls you both back onto the bed. "I'm listening." "We're looking for a reason that the guys can't have sex with us, so we can do all the sexual stuff while they can only watch," Walker grins evilly. You and Z-dog both grin. "Why don't we make a bet with them?" imagine. “They’d definitely fall for that.”

The three of you spend the rest of the evening working out the plan, continuing to play the game, and getting drunk. You giggle at the question "Never have I ever, had an orgy," Walker says thickly. The three of you look at each other, burst out laughing and each drink from your own bottle. The three of you already finished your respective moonshine bottles. It's a shame, but there is nothing to do about it. You can't look for more moonshine, especially in your current drunken state.

You start giggling more and roll sideways on the bed. "What?" asks Z-dog, who is also clearly drunk. "How do you think it would go if we played this game with the guys?" you laugh. Z-dog and Walker burst out laughing. "They would protest at first, but as soon as they find out what kind of sexual things you have to do, they would immediately join in." giggles Walker. You felt the small draft flow through the room, and heard the quiet opening of the door.

Z-dog sat on the bed, resting her head on your lap. You try to braid her mohawk but end up messing it up. Mansk smelled the smell of alcohol coming from the three of you and spotted the three empty bottles on the bed. Just three bottles. "Where are the others?" Between the three of you, you can drink half of the base under the table. "Mansk!" Z-dog called, as if she had just noticed his presence. "That's the bottle." You pointed at the bottle he saw. He almost rolled his eyes. "Yes," he said patiently, "Where are the others?" "That's it." A silly smile appeared on your face, and when he saw the three of you relaxed and carefree, he couldn't hide the raised corners of his lips. He sniffed the bottle. Moonshine. This explains a lot.

Z-dog glanced at you while Mansk absentmindedly examined the bottle. Picky bastard. “Attack him?” Her eyes sparkled. You nodded briefly and stood up. Things didn’t go as planned as you both bumped into him from both sides. But you barely knocked him off balance. Z-dog wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms to her sides. He could easily get rid of the both of you if he wanted to. "I missed you too," he muttered instead, moving his arms to pull you two closer to his chest.

Walker stood unsteadily and reached out to pinched one of his cheeks. He bit her hand, but she quickly retracted her finger and laughed at him. You pinched the other cheek, but he grabbed your wrist and brought it back to your side. You gave him a shy smile and pinched his side. He didn't move or flinch, and you frowned. Right, he’s not ticklish. Your disappointment must have amused him, because a chuckle escaped his lips.

Z-dog broke out of his grasp and pulled you and Walker with her. "We’re gonna find more," she called over her shoulder, heading for the door. Suddenly a wall blocked the exit. "I think you've had enough," mused Quaritch, receiving three identical glares.

You look past Quaritch's shoulder and see your other male lovers. "Brown!" You shout excitedly when you see him. You push past Quaritch and throw yourself into Brown's arms. You almost fall flat on your face, but Brown just manages to catch you. "Damn babygirl, what happened to you?" he asks laughing. "Do not laugh!" you pout. "Quaritch is mean, he won't let us get more moonshine." “Aww, baby, that's sad,” Brown grins. You quickly turn around, almost falling again and Brown again makes sure you don't fall. You hear several laughs around you, but you pay no attention to them as you turn your attention to Quaritch. "See!" you exclaim. “Brown says it's okay if we go get more moonshine.” “Wow, wow, I didn't say that,” Brown quickly defends. "What!" you exclaim indignantly. “And I thought you loved us,” Walker says sadly, tears in her eyes.

"Ouch!" you exclaim, turning to Ja indignantly. He seems surprised by your anger. "What?" he asks. “You stood on my tail, you ass,” you say angrily. He smiles. “Why are you laughing, it hurts,” you snap, crying. “Look at your tail, cutie,” he says, chuckling. You look down and see your tail stuck under your own foot. You lift your foot and rub the sore spot on your tail. “It's not funny after all,” you pout, tears in your eyes. “Of course not, cutie,” Ja smiles sweetly at you.

You stagger over to her and pull Walker and Z-dog back into Z's room. "No sex for two months!" You shout to your men. "Hey!, what have we done?" Fike shouts indignantly. You grin at them and slam the door behind you. It's only twenty-three fifty-nine.

[ilovedthestars]

Hello there, I am a space nerd, a fact I’m sure no one guessed from the fact that I go by Stars on the internet. I am here to explain how the moon works, because I think it’s cool and also something that most people don't know. This is mostly an infodump just for fun, but may also be vaguely useful for artists, writers & stargazers.

By “how the moon works,” I mean that although pretty much everyone knows about the moon’s phases, not everyone really gets how they affect things like when & where the moon is in the sky. See: the common idea that the sun is in the sky in the day, and the moon is in the sky at night. You know this isn’t strictly true if you’ve ever seen the moon in the sky in the daytime, but do you know how it actually works? If I gave you a moon phase and a time of day, would you be able to tell me whether the moon was in the sky or not?

I am here to (hopefully) explain how you can do that! With scribbly diagrams! Please join me under the readmore if you would like to come to my TED talk.

First of all, to avoid any accidental curse-of-knowledge assumptions on my part, let me define some terms!

First off, the phases of the moon, which you probably know most of, but bear with me. A “full moon” is when the moon is fully illuminated and appears as a circle in the sky. A “gibbous moon” is when the moon is more than half full, but not completely full—it appears large and roundish, but not a circle (not everyone knows the name for this one). A “half moon” is when the moon is half illuminated and appears as a semicircle—this one has some other names that I’ll get to in a second. A “crescent moon” is when the moon is less than half illuminated and appears as a concave curve. A “new moon” is when the moon is completely dark from Earth’s perspective and can’t be seen in the sky.

Also, “waxing” is when the moon is transitioning from new to full, or getting bigger in the sky, and “waning” is when the moon is transitioning from full to new, or getting smaller in the sky.

Speaking of “half moon,” I frequently confuse friends by calling this a “first quarter” or a “third quarter” moon. Those names refer not to the illumination of the moon but to the full cycle of phases. If you think of the moon phases as split into four quarters, starting from zero at a new moon, then halfway to full is 1/4, full is 1/2, halfway back to new is 3/4, and then we’ve reached the end/beginning of the cycle with another new moon. So one of the half moons is a first quarter moon, and the other (with the other half illuminated) is a third quarter moon.

This is where I have to add a disclaimer—I am in the northern hemisphere, and I am familiar with astronomy in the northern hemisphere. If you are in the southern hemisphere, to you, I am looking at the moon “upside down.” Yes, really. If you’re using my diagrams, flip them upside down. I’ll try to be clear when I’m talking about stuff that flips between the hemispheres, but it’s something that I struggle to wrap my head around too, so apologies if I’m confusing or miss something.

So, here’s a diagram of the moon phases to show you the difference between first and third quarter moons, but if you’re in the southern hemisphere, please flip it over to see what they would look like for you. (The chronological order still goes in the same direction as the arrow, the moon itself is just the other way in the sky.)

The fun trick I was taught to remember which way the cycle goes is “light from the right.” (Southern hemisphere people, you’ll have to flip this one.) Light, or shadow, moves from the right edge of the moon to the left. So if the moon is a crescent and the right edge is lit up, it’s waxing, or moving towards full. If the moon is a gibbous with a dark right edge, it’s just past full and will be waning towards the third quarter over the next few days. If you look at the diagram above (and imagine the crescent and gibbous phases transitioning in between), this might be easier to imagine.

Like I said, for the southern hemisphere this would actually be “light from the left.” If you’re near the equator and the moon is overhead, you could use “light from the west,” because that’s secretly the real rule. Another thing that’s useful to know for stargazing—the moon, sun and planets follow a path in the sky called the ecliptic, which is roughly over the equator. (Not exactly—it wiggles around relative to earth’s surface, because of the tilt of the earth’s axis that causes the seasons, but it stays near the equator.) If you’re standing in the northern hemisphere, the equator is south of you, so the ecliptic is also in the southern part of the sky. When you look at the moon, it will always be in the south, so the west-facing side of the moon will always be to your right. Likewise, if you’re in the southern hemisphere, the moon (and sun, and planets) will always appear in the northern half of the sky, so west will be to your left. Light moves across the moon’s surface from the west to the east.

Now you can impress people by looking at the moon and saying, “Oh look, what a lovely waxing gibbous!” (I don’t actually know if the is impressive, but I do it all the time. For bonus points, get an app on your phone that tells you the phase of the moon and check it frequently so you can plan when to stargaze. Then you can casually mention that the moon will be full in a couple days when it’s not even in the sky, and maybe people will think you’re a werewolf.)

Now that I’ve explained the moon’s phases, I get to explain how they’re related to the time and place that the moon is in the sky. See, most people (I assume) don’t think twice about things like, say, a book describing a crescent moon in the sky overhead at midnight. But that actually can’t happen! And it has to do with the moon’s position in the 3D solar system, and how that maps onto our sky. This is kind of hard for me to explain without a lot of 3D hand gestures and pointing at the sky, but I’m gonna do my best to show it in two dimensions.

So, most people probably know that the moon’s phases are caused by the sun’s light illuminating half of the moon, and since the relative positions of the moon, sun & earth change throughout the month, the half that’s illuminated moves around the moon and changes how it looks from our viewpoint. So, a very basic rule: the side of the moon that’s illuminated is the side that’s facing the sun.

So, when the moon is full, that’s because the side that faces us is also facing the sun. This means the sun is directly opposite the moon. Here’s a very scientific diagram:

In case it’s not clear, this is a “top-down” view of the solar system where the moon, earth and sun are all in the same plane (in this case it doesn’t matter if we’re looking at the north or south pole, the positions would look the same). It’s also obviously not to scale and very simplified, but the point is to demonstrate that the moon is opposite the earth from the sun.*

The little person on the earth is of course spinning around as the earth rotates once per day. But at this point in the lunar month, you can see that when they are on the side of the earth where they can see the moon, they are also on the side facing away from the sun. When the moon is full or close to full, it’s opposite the sun—it rises around sunset, sets around sunrise, and is at its peak in the sky around midnight. This is how lots of people tend to think of the moon rising and setting, but it’s only true when the moon is close to full!

If that doesn’t make sense, here’s a diagram of when the moon is at the opposite point in its cycle, a new moon:

When the moon is new, the side that faces the earth is dark, which means the opposite side is facing the sun. The moon is on the same side of earth as the sun is. The little person spinning around the earth won’t see the moon in the night sky, because the moon is close to the sun in the sky,* and it’s actually rising in the morning and setting in the evening at this time of the month! You can’t easily see the moon when it’s new, but it might be visible a few days before or after this as a crescent. You’ll only see a crescent moon in the sky during the day, or close to dawn/dusk—it will be close above the horizon where the sun has just set or is about to rise. (The light edge faces the sun, so if it’s near the horizon in twilight sometimes it will look like the light edge is actually pointing down, with the tips of the crescent pointing up in the sky.)

*A side note on eclipses: My diagram is oversimplified! The moon, earth and sun aren’t actually all in the same plane all the time, they’re slightly misaligned. So even when I say the moon and sun are “directly” opposite each other, or aligned, they aren’t lined up perfectly enough to cast shadows on each other most of the time. When they do line up perfectly at the right time, that’s when you get a solar eclipse (when the moon is new) or lunar eclipse (when the moon is full).

Okay, so when the moon is full it’s in the sky at night, and when the moon is new it’s in the sky during the day. What about in between? This is where it gets a little confusing, especially for those of you in the southern hemisphere, who are going to have to flip everything I say. Apologies in advance, but it kind of hurts my head even to explain how this works in my own half of the sky.

So, when the moon is half-full, at the first quarter and third quarter of the phase cycle I explained above, the sun’s light is coming (from our perspective) from the side. The moon is ninety degrees away in its orbit from full or new, and the sun’s light is effectively perpendicular to our viewpoint, instead of parallel. This time it matters which way we’re looking, so these are a top-down view from the northern-hemisphere side. If you’re in the southern hemisphere, I think you can flip which is the first & third quarter to make this accurate.

As you can see, when our little person is spinning around the globe, they’re going to be seeing the moon high in the sky right around the line between night and day. From a northern perspective, the earth spins counter-clockwise (vice versa from the south), so if you picture the person spinning around their little earth, you can see that the first quarter moon is going to be visible when they’re spinning from light to dark (sunset) and the third quarter moon is going to be visible when they’re spinning from dark to light (sunrise).

Bonus fun trick: If you remember the rule of “light from the right” in the northern hemisphere and how that determines the order of the phases, and look at these diagrams again, you can figure out which direction the moon orbits the earth from this viewpoint. (This is, in fact, the only way I can remember which direction the moon orbits the earth, despite being far more complicated than just memorizing it. If you’d like to make a game of it, I’ll put the answer at the bottom of the post).

Remembering how this looks from this top-down floating-above-the-earth perspective is hard, but you don’t really have to. I only explained it so it would make sense when I went back to my earlier visualization, from when I was explaining how “light from the right” works. I’m a very spatial learner, and I like picturing things relative to my own body, so this is how I remember when the different phases of the moon appear in the sky:

Imagine you’re standing, facing the ecliptic, where the sun and the moon travel through the sky. In the northern hemisphere, you’re facing south, with east to your left and west to your right. Imagine that the sun has just set, falling beneath the horizon to your right. Imagine that the moon is full, and hopefully I’ve explained well enough that now you know where it will be—cresting the horizon at your left. Imagine the opposite too—the sun is rising in the east at your left, as the full moon sinks in the west at your right. The new moon’s position, if you’d like to visualize that, is effectively the same as the sun.

Now, the difference between the two half-moons. Light comes from the west—in the northern hemisphere, your right—so when the right half is illuminated, it’s the first quarter of the lunar month, waxing to full, and when the left half is illuminated, it’s the third quarter, waning to new. One is high at dusk and one is high at dawn. Which is which?

You’re facing south. Picture a first quarter moon, right side lit up, at its peak in the southern sky. The light side is always facing the sun. Where is the sun? It must be to your right, touching the horizon in the west, setting. The first quarter moon is in the sky before, during and after dusk.

Picture a third quarter moon, left side lit up, at its peak. The light side faces the sun. The sun is to your left, touching the horizon in the east, rising. The third quarter moon is in the sky before, during and after dawn.

When I imagine this, I’m standing on my back porch, where I often go outside and stargaze. My telescope is small and one of the few things it can see with any detail is the moon. I want to be able to look at the moon just after dark, without having to stay up too late—and this memory device, of facing south and imagining the sun at my right hand to the west, is how I remember that the first quarter is the best time for me to observe the moon. It will be high in the sky at sunset, easy for me to see over the houses and trees.

If you remember that the moon waxes and wanes from the west (right in the north, left in the south), then you can fill in all the gradations of crescent and gibbous moon between the four main quarters. (As an example, if I wait a few days past first quarter to go outside and look at the moon, it’s waxed into a gibbous moon and it rises later in the evening, peaking in the sky closer to midnight. Another example: a waxing crescent is between a new moon and first quarter, so it will trail behind the sun and be above the horizon in the southwest at sunset.)

I hope that all of this makes sense and is useful to someone, whether for figuring out when you can observe the moon and where in the sky to look, or for thinking about how to place it in the sky in your writing and art. If nothing else, I hope I have brought you entertainment, and/or ruined the way the moon works in Minecraft for you forever. (It rises and sets directly opposite the sun!! Even when it’s a new moon!!! Light doesn’t work like that!!)

And finally, if you were trying to guess, the moon orbits the earth counter-clockwise if you’re looking down from the northern side.

[magicshopaholic]

Trials and Temptation (Taehyung x OC)

Summary: You and Taehyung see each other for the first time in two weeks. Meanwhile, Jungkook finally gets something off his chest.

Pairing: Taehyung x OC

Genre: Angst, minor smut

Word count: 9.3 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, mentions of car crashes, allusions to sex, making out

A/N: I have reached a point in my life where I just don't proof read anymore, apparently. Still, hope you all like this one. It's been a while, but hopefully it's worth it. Set two weeks after Zandvoort.

Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @faearchives @margopinkerton @purpleseoul7 @kflixnet (drop a message if you want to be added)

Listen to: “madness” by muse

taehyung masterlist | main masterlist

Dilara’s limbs feel like lead in the best possible way.

She feels around for her phone, trying to move her hand as little as possible. Barely opening her eyes, she checks the screen to discover she’s been asleep for thirteen hours, meaning she’s missed dinner and breakfast.

She doesn’t regret it, though. She needed this sleep. Flying weekly from the Netherlands to Russia, to Italy and now to Singapore, with two entire race weekends and a third one beginning has brought her body to its breaking point. 

But she has no choice now; it’s Thursday and the PR is always overdone in Singapore. The buffet is probably closed but the executive lounge is sure to be stocked with food even now. With a mighty effort, she slides out of bed and washes her face, choosing to head to the fancy executive lounge in the Hilton in shorts, a long-sleeved shirt and flip flops.

The lounge is mostly empty, which is expected. She sees the buffet at the end of the fancy room, a tempting sight against Singapore’s swanky landscape - and already surrounded by a few others. Her heart doesn’t have time to race in anticipation, because Yoongi spots her almost immediately.

All he does is raise his eyebrows in surprise and wave before the men around him spot her, too. She mumbles out a “hey” as they approach her, relieved smiles on their faces. Dilara can hear the sleep in her own voice and knows her face looks dull and puffy as hell. Still, it feels better than she can remember to see them and for a moment, she's worried her emotion will show in her expression.

"It's good to see you, Dilara," says Namjoon, hugging her and patting her back.

"Thanks," she replies, relieved. "I'm glad it's -"

Before she can finish her sentence, Jungkook emerges from behind Namjoon, knocking Jimin over on his other side, and hugs her as well. He's silent but his arms are tight around her shoulders, and once she's over the momentary surprise, Dilara gently pats his back and waits until he lets her go.

"Hey, JK," she murmurs as he slowly steps back. As though it's like a magnetic pull, her gaze finds Taehyung over his shoulder, head lowered and keeping a respectful distance. 

Their eyes meet and her heart jolts at the expression on his face.

The crash had been unexpected for everyone. The entire team had been taken off guard; for the best car on the grid to spin out the way it did and hit a barrier hard enough to break it, it had brought the entire circuit to a standstill. John, her engineer, had been muttering into the radio: “Dilara, you okay? Respond, please. Dilara, are you okay?”, over and over on a loop, voice getting tighter and tighter with every passing second of silence, followed by Christian’s voice. Dilara. Let us know you’re okay, please.

Of course, she didn’t know this at the time. The impact had been so strong that her earphones had slipped out of her ears and she’d heard nothing. Without any response from her, she could only imagine that everyone was assuming the worst. Her ears had been ringing, her head spinning, the only sound she could make out being the one of her tyres crashing into the barrier. 

The race was red flagged and the medical car had picked her up from the crash site. Despite the fact that she was walking, albeit slowly, she was taken straight to the medical room and checked out while the stewards fixed the barriers. 

The first person Dilara spoke to when she was handed her phone was her mother, her voice shaking with relief when she heard her daughter’s voice through the phone. Her stepfather was next, followed by Chris and Fred, followed by Lexie, followed by Mick Schumacher who’d run over from the Ferrari garage to check if she was okay.

The race was done and the car was totalled - there was nothing that could be done about that. The Red Bull travel team had pushed her flight from that evening to the next afternoon, giving her the rest of the day to heal before travelling. 

Her team helped her get back to the garage, her press officer helped her through the post-race interviews, her friends helped her back to the hotel, and the hotel staff in Tuscany went over and above to ensure that she was taken care of until she checked out the next day.

It made Dilara feel ungrateful, that despite the support she had, part of her attention was constantly on her phone, waiting for one call only. 

Yoongi messaged her right after the crash; it was clear that he didn’t care about whatever limbo she and Taehyung were in, choosing to only ask if she was okay and to let him know if she needed anything. Towards the evening, it seemed even Jimin couldn’t resist checking in and dropping her voice note, sounding distinctly as though he was whispering.

It was a mild sort of relief she wasn’t a fan of: they didn’t forget. Dilara knew why Taehyung wasn’t calling her, but it didn’t stop her from waiting for it all the same. Fortunately, by the time her mind started tending towards more dangerous scenarios, the week began and she had to fly out to Singapore for the last race in this triple header. The weekend after that would be free, and the weekend after that would be Suzuka, Japan - Red Bull’s last race in partnership with BTS.

Taehyung’s hair is black again, falling into his eyes, curling at the nape of his neck in the Singapore humidity. The ash blond from before - from before - is gone, leaving him looking like he did the first time they met. Dilara wonders briefly if this was deliberate on his part.

When it seems clear that he’s waiting for her to decide what to do, she makes her way towards him slowly, noting from the corner of her eye how the others awkwardly disperse. She notices the flicker in his eyes as she approaches him, of restrained relief. He swallows and his toes press into the soles of his slippers, as though stopping himself from moving forward.

The smell of lotion is what was missing in that medical room in Tuscany; Dilara knows it now. Taehyung swallows and she raises her arms halfway, nodding slightly and taking another step towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist and feeling him envelope her instantly. 

It’s tight, bordering on uncomfortable, but she lets it continue. It’s desperate, just like it is for everyone who watches someone they care about crash a speeding car during a race. It’s not unexpected, and when he silently lowers his head onto her shoulder, face tilted and lips pressed to the collar of her t-shirt, she squeezes him tighter.

“‘M ‘kay,” she mutters into his collarbone, hearing her voice muffled against his skin. “I’m here.”

—

Singapore is hot and humid. The drivers will be expected to take an ice bath on Saturday and Sunday, an event that will usually be photographed for PR. Dilara isn’t particularly looking forward to it, especially since she knows it’ll be similar to last year: a hot tub filled with ice, and all four drivers from Red Bull and AlphaTauri shivering inside it for shits and giggles.

She prefers the pool - more when the executive pool is reserved just for selected guests. The view of the city is spectacular from this height; she moves her legs slowly behind her in the water as she peers out over the infinity pool, feeling the cool water across her shoulder blades.

Dilara turns when someone else joins in; she waves to Jungkook, who waves back before slipping off his T-shirt and gracefully diving into the water. He does an entire lap around the pool before slowly breast stroking his way towards her and joining her at the edge.

“It’s so hot,” he comments, smoothing back his wet hair and standing to his full height. The water reaches somewhere around his pecs, droplets of water gleaming on his honey coloured chest and shoulders. 

Dilara looks away quickly. “Better than Russia, though. But still,” she agrees, pushing her sunglasses up her nose. “This race is going to be hell.”

“I can imagine.”

He can’t, really, but that’s okay; she appreciates the sentiment. Jungkook’s always taken the most interest in racing; not in her racing career, but racing in general. The fact that he might be the only one to know just how hard she crashed in Italy and how bad it could’ve gotten isn’t lost on her.

“When did you guys get here?” 

“Last night.” Jungkook slides down into the water all the way to his neck and turns around so his back is against the wall. “Most of them flew from Seoul so it wasn’t that bad. Only me, Namjoon hyung and Taehyung hyung stayed in Europe.”

Dilara frowns, resting her elbows on the edge. “Why? You guys had almost two weeks off. Didn’t you want to go home?”

“We didn’t have it off,” he clarifies, snorting a little. “Suga hyung was in the studio the whole time and Hobi hyung and Jimin were filming for a commercial. Namjoon hyung had to go to the studio, too, but I think he rescheduled it. Wanted to stay with Kaya for a little longer.”

“And you and Taehyung tagged along? Third wheels much?”

“No! We went to Paris for a few days and only went to Amsterdam at the end of the week. We watched the race with them,” he adds.

“Uh-huh. What did you think?” She smirks a little from behind the sunglasses. “Was it all the entertainment the sport promises?”

Jungkook gives her a look. “Not funny.”

Dilara’s smile fades. “Sorry.” She turns around and leans back against the wall like him, noticing how much longer his legs are under the water. “Where are the others?”

“Others?”

“Yes, all six of them.”

He chortles. “They should be up here soon.” He barely gets the words out of his mouth before Namjoon and Hoseok enter the pool area from inside, both of them wearing sunglasses like her, in swimming trunks and thin T-shirts. 

Dilara and Jungkook watch the rest of them arrive in relative silence, snorting in unison when Seokjin brings a gigantic inflatable duck with him. Jimin whips off his shirt as well and winks at her before heading to the bar for a drink.

Taehyung is the last to arrive, his face hidden behind huge sunglasses. She can still tell when he spots her; he pauses momentarily and raises a hand halfway in a wave before joining Jimin at the bar.

Dilara swallows, her heart jolting slightly. Her eyes follow him as he seemingly scans the menu, his hands loose in the pockets of his shorts. His black hair looks bright against the thin white T-shirt; despite herself, she imagines what it would be like to run her hands through it.

Next to her, Jungkook clears his throat conspicuously.

“Have you two…”

“No.”

He nods while she looks down at the water, trying to ignore her disappointment at his unenthused greeting.

“Do you want to…?”

“I don’t know.” Dilara exhales. “He seems… busy, anyway,” she adds, glancing at him, now seemingly discussing the menu with Jimin.

Jungkook follows her gaze and bites his lip. “Understood.” He leans forward and pushes himself into the water. “Got your back.”

She frowns. “What does that mean?”

But Jungkook has swum away. She watches in mild confusion as he glides diagonally across the pool like a shark and emerges almost soundlessly, dripping from head to toe. Then, with a yell in what can only be Korean, he barrels towards Jimin, who shrieks, as he pushes him and they both get thrown into the water.

There’s an outbreak of guffaws, followed by Jimin sputtering and complaining and Jungkook laughing loudly. In the confusion, Dilara swims over to the same spot that Jungkook had and climbs out, quietly joining Taehyung who’s now at the self-service counter next to the bar. A chilled water tank rests on it, with slices of brightly coloured fruit floating inside it.

Taehyung turns to her and his grin fades slightly, but he doesn’t look unhappy. He takes his sunglasses off the same time she does, swiping his hair out of his eyes the same time she lets hers out of its bun, ropes of wet hair falling loose around one shoulder.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hey.” His gaze flickers down her simple red one-piece before meeting hers again. He holds it for a few seconds and then looks away, fiddling with the nozzle of the water cooler. “How are you?”

It takes Dilara a moment to process his words. I’m just swell, thanks. “Um… I’m okay. You?” she asks after a moment.

“Same.” He gives her a hint of a smile, polite. Formal. Then, as though he can’t resist, his gaze focused on his glass under the nozzle, he speaks again. “Are you okay? Did you… did you get hurt?”

“In the crash?” She notices him wince slightly. “No… not really. They checked for a concussion and stuff, but… all okay.”

“Good.” Taehyung nods, glancing at her. “Because… well, I heard that when something like that happens, they don’t show the driver on camera until they know the driver is okay. And they didn’t show you for a while,” he mutters, looking at the ground.

Dilara frowns. “You were watching,” she states, realising only now that she can’t actually picture him watching two and a half hours worth of a race.

“Yeah, I was,” he answers, sounding a bit confused at her statement. 

A memory tugs at her heart. Another crash, less dangerous than this one. A cloudy, grey afternoon on the paddock in Suzuka. I think I’ll be worried every single weekend from now on.

That had been less than forty-eight hours after they’d met. She’d been a bit cold towards him that day, annoyed at the thought of being a one-night stand who was being ignored. It seems ridiculous in hindsight.

“My earphones came off,” she explains, reaching for a cup so she can give her hands something to do. “So I couldn’t hear the team. How long was I off camera?” she asks, curious.

He’s still not looking at her properly, as though she’s going to blind him if he stares at her too long. “A few minutes,” he murmurs. “But I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks.”

There’s another moment of strange, awkward silence. “And I’m sorry about the race, too,” he adds, as though it’s another bullet point he’d rehearsed and almost forgotten.

“Right. It’s okay. My main competition in the points right now is Charles and his engine failed so he couldn’t finish his race either,” she explains. “So it didn’t really make a difference.”

“That’s good.”

When he doesn’t say anymore, Dilara nods slowly, at a loss for anything more to say. 

The crash scared him. He was scared. That would explain the careful distance he’s maintaining- except, it wouldn’t. This is not scared Taehyung; scared Taehyung would start losing his cool even faster, his emotions bubbling up to the surface. But there’s none of that here. She thinks of the way he’d hugged her this morning, held her so close to him - that was scared Taehyung, or the closest to it that she’s seen so far.. 

Since then, however, it’s like he’s doing everything in his power to maintain a distance, one that’s just growing further and further.

Dilara licks her lips and glances up at him, watching him sip at his drink. Finally, she shakes her head.

“How come you didn’t call me?” she asks, unable to keep it in any longer.

Taehyung frowns and whips around to look at her, his eyes wide. “You - you told me not to -”

“No, I know,” she says quickly. “I know what I said. I just… I kind of expected you to do it anyway,” she remarks, realising it’s true. Most of her had no faith that he’d do what she asked, his own needs sure to overpower her wishes eventually.

He looks a bit doubtful. “Sorry?”

She cracks a small smile. “Don’t be. How did you restrain yourself, though?” When she notices the small frown, she amends her question. “How did you stop yourself?”

“Oh, uh…” Taehyung rubs the back of his neck, slender fingers gliding through his thick hair. “I mean, you asked me not to.” He shrugs lamely but then sighs. “I thought about it,” he admits. “After the - after the crash. But I didn’t want to make it worse… and Kaya agreed, too. She said I should give you space if you asked for it.”

Dilara struggles to picture it: Taehyung, Jungkook, Namjoon and Namjoon’s girlfriend, all watching the race, seeing her crash into the barriers and the race getting red flagged. Taehyung debating whether to call her; did he ask Namjoon for his advice, which prompted Kaya to give hers? Did they guess?

“You told her?” she asks, for lack of anything else to say.

“Not really… I guess Namjoon hyung did.”

She isn’t surprised, neither does she really care. She supposes it should make her happy, that he did what she wanted, but all she can feel is something akin to disappointment, especially when she looks up and sees him still standing a careful four feet away from her, as though afraid to get too close.

Dilara takes a step closer to him but before she can say anything, Taehyung places his empty glass down. “I’m going to swim for a bit,” he says quickly, shuffling backwards. “You can join us, if you want.”

If you want. It had seemed like fun before, being around friendly faces after two weeks of travelling mostly alone. But with Taehyung seeming so uncaring about it, inviting her just to be polite - suddenly she wants to be anywhere but here.

—

The next day is Friday, Free Practice day. Yet, nothing changes. She continues seeing him around, in the hotel, in the paddock, in the restaurant - and Taehyung continues acknowledging her from a distance and exchanging careful, guarded words when he has to. It’s confusing, but it’s also filling her with a sense of dread she can’t place.

Dilara doesn’t know if the other guys have noticed this weird change in dynamic; if they have, they aren’t reacting to it. Given Singapore’s real estate scenario, all of them are put up in a hotel this time in separate suites. The group has three, as far as she knows, and she has her own. For the first time since this PR stunt began, she finds herself wishing they were still living in the same house.

The weather is just unbearable. After the first awkward encounter at the pool, Dilara throws caution to the wind and starts heading out there for a quick dip whenever she can. She runs into Jungkook a couple of times, once into Namjoon - and once into Taehyung on her way back.

Their hotel rooms are on the executive floor, meaning no one but them has access to it. On Friday night, after a long day of free practice, debriefs with the team, the pre-race press conference and some PR, Dilara sneaks away for a late night swim. She doesn’t have the energy for more than a couple of laps, spending most of her time floating on her back.

She doesn’t even bother showering in the changing rooms. Pulling on a pair of shorts over her swimsuit and slipping into her flip flops, she heads back to her room, barely noticing the droplets of water from her hair dotting the carpeted floor. When she’s almost at her suite, the door opposite her own swings open and Taehyung emerges, adjusting a headband on his head when he sees her.

“Hi,” she says after a moment.

Taehyung looks almost like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes flicker and he glances up and down the corridor before giving her a formal smile and a nod. “Hey.”

Dilara tries not to grit her teeth too obviously. She stares at him and silently lowers her hands from where she’d been holding a towel to her chest, exposing the bikini top she’d specifically worn because she’d known she’d be alone at the pool. Leaning back against the wall, she holds his gaze.

Taehyung tries, really tries, to keep his eyes trained on hers, but eventually he breaks, swallowing as he takes in her appearance. 

“Are you going out somewhere?” she asks.

It takes him a moment. “I - no. I mean, kind of. I think I left something in the car so I’m going to my manager’s room to check if he found it or…” He trails off. “You?”

“Went for a swim.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah.” Dilara nonchalantly sweeps her hair over one shoulder, stretching her side as she does so. “It was nice. Quiet. But you know -” she shrugs “- still public. Anyone could have come out there.”

She’s being extremely obvious now, but it seems to be a situation that demands it. She watches Taehyung nod jerkily and bite his lip, his gaze still lingering low on her torso before struggling upwards to her face. He is unbelievably handsome; her heart stutters when his eyes snap up to meet hers, dark and knowing.

“And it’s better than the ice bath tomorrow. I’m not really looking forward to sharing a tub with Max and those guys,” she adds casually, subtly watching him for his reaction and feeling her stomach sink slightly when he displays none.

“Might help with the heat,” he offers vaguely, looking at the ground now. “You should - you should get some rest. For tomorrow.”

Dilara stares. “Tomorrow is Qualifying. Not the race.”

Taehyung shrugs. “Still.” He takes a deliberate step back, hands in his pockets, and she notices only then how much closer they’d gravitated towards each other. “It’s late. I - have you had dinner?”

“Not yet. Do you want to -”

“Jungkook hasn’t either, I think,” he interrupts. “Or Yoongi. I think they have ramen in their room, too.” He points in the general direction of the corridor. “I should go.”

She nods, too frustrated to talk. With no interest in having dinner with Yoongi or Jungkook, she watches him strut down the corridor and turn in the direction of the elevator, out of sight. 

On Saturday morning, Dilara gets ready for the final round of Free Practice before Qualifying in the evening. It’s hot, as usual, but she can’t focus on that right now. The fact that she has roughly eight hours until Qualifying is weighing on her; in eight hours, the expectation from her will be to drive her fastest around the circuit, to push the car to its limit and beyond.

She’d done exactly that in Tuscany and her brakes had failed. Granted, it was the only time in ages that the Red Bull had ever been faulty to this extent, but it had still happened to her. A more flimsy barrier, a hotter track, a differently designed car - that’s all it would’ve taken for the crash to have been far more serious.

Dilara stares at the seat, feeling her mouth go dry. Climbing into the car, being strapped to the seat… she’d managed Free Practice yesterday, but today seems like a whole different ball game. Fully aware of the mechanics and team members milling around her, however, she rolls back her shoulders and brings her hair to the front to braid it, hoping to delay the process of getting into the car.

She wishes Lexie were here. The team was supportive of her recovery throughout, but this is different. They’re still the team and she’s the driver; after all the work they’ve put in all year, she owes them a good race no matter what. Lexie would’ve been here for her, for Dilara, with the race being the second priority.

Dilara looks up across the garage at where BTS will be seated during the race tomorrow, possibly during Qualifying as well. Taehyung might have been here for her only, but she can’t see him anywhere right now. He wasn’t there after the crash, and he isn’t here now - and Dilara has never been more aware of his absence. It scares her more than it should, but it’s not something she should be worrying about on a race weekend.

Taking a deep breath, she steps into the car.

—

“Fifteen minutes to the interview!” 

“Copy!” Dilara waves to Vicki before stepping into her changing room, relieved to be out of the heat for a few minutes. She lets her hair out of its ponytail, curling wildly in the humidity and shakes it out for some of the air conditioning to hit her scalp.

It’s pre-Qualifying interviews in a few minutes; usually she’d be out there in full race gear, ready for the pictures and the drivers’ parade after. But in this heat, she can’t imagine a single driver would be in their overalls. Lewis had shown up in a tank top last time; in an effort not to pass out from a heat stroke, Dilara makes the executive decision to wear half her team overalls with a sports bra, thin and white.

She jumps when she hears a knock on her door. “Come in,” she calls, frowning, which turns into shock when the knob turns and Kim Taehyung slips inside, immediately locking the door behind him.

“Oh, my God - how did you get in here?” she gasps as he tentatively enters the cramped changing room. “Did anyone see you?”

“I don’t think so.” He tosses his hair out of his eyes, walking up to stand in front of her and still keeping a deliberate four feet between them. “I just wanted to say…” He trails off, swallowing and looking around the room.

Dilara’s heart hammers, partly from the shock and partly from the scent of his lotion in such close quarters. His thin button-down, white and loose, makes him look like a character from a period film. His hair is darker than ever and perfectly soft and fluffy, apparently unaffected by the humidity. She clears her throat.

“Yeah?”

“Just… good luck.” Taehyung nods awkwardly and seemingly turns to leave but then stops. “And… don’t do what you did last time.”

“What do you mean?” It takes her a moment to understand what he’s referring to. “Wait, you’re talking about the crash? I didn’t do anything - Lando Norris blocked me and I locked up and then my brakes -”

“Fine,” he interrupts her, taking a step forward. “Just… don’t do that again. Don’t let that happen again. Please,” he adds tightly.

It’s not her ideal form of a confessional, but with whatever is going on with him right now, she supposes it’s the best she’s going to get. She places her hands on her hips, surveying him critically.

“That’s it?”

“What?”

The same disappointment she’d been feeling all weekend threatens to take over but she knows she can’t afford emotions like that before racing. So she simply shrugs. “Fine. I’ll do my best not to crash into a barrier and destroy my car. Whatever,” she says, rolling her eyes and turning away when he grabs her wrist.

“Wait, Lara, are you -” He scoffs slightly. “Are you angry with me?”

She raises her eyebrows, noting how he instantly drops her wrist. “Why would I be angry?”

Taehyung tilts his head and gives her a look, and she can almost hear him say I can tell, you know. “I just came to wish you good luck.”

“Great.” She takes a step forward towards him. “Anything else?”

“No. That’s it.”

Dilara could shake him. The sinking feeling is returning and she has to get rid of it in a few minutes or it could ruin her entire Qualifying. Vaguely recalling the last time they were in her changing room together, she steps up towards him and kisses him.

Taehyung seems surprised for a fraction of a second before his entire facade seemingly crumbles; he kisses her back instantly, holding her face and walking her back until she feels the wall. 

Finally, she thinks reaching up and pulling him closer by the shirt, feeling his slender torso against hers. It’s fast and messy; their hands roam across each other boldly and Dilara tries to breathe in as much of him as she can, desperate to retain this version of him that she knew was here this whole time.

She squeezes her eyes shut as his lips move across her jaw and down her neck, remembering that she has about seven minutes at best before she has to be at her pre-Qualifying interview. It’s too hard to focus on anything else right now, though; she runs a hand through Taehyung’s hair, feeling his arms tight around her. Her core tingles pleasurably as he goes lower and she moans, feeling him make his way down her chest and suck on her nipple.

Dilara realises a moment too late and gasps the same time that he pulls away with a jerk, as though electrocuted. They stare at each other for a second, their expressions identical ones of horror before she looks down to see the most incriminating spot on her white sports bra, right in the open for everyone to see.

“What - what did you do?” she stammers, glaring up at him. “I have to be on camera in five minutes!”

Taehyung’s still staring at it in shock, but his crisis seems to be wholly different. He swears softly in Korean and takes several steps back, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry.” He swallows and meets her eyes, and his face shutters over into the same smooth expression he’s had on all weekend. “I’m sorry,” he repeats, more formal this time. “Good luck tonight. And… be careful.”

Dilara watches him leave, waiting for the sinking disappointment again. But it never comes, which she’s glad for because it’s not an emotion that helps her in a race. The ideal one would be her love for racing, or her need to win. Any of those are preferable to disappointment or heartbreak.

But anger works just as well, too.

—

The debrief after Qualifying feels like the longest one Dilara has ever attended, even though her phone says it’s only been about forty-five minutes. She gets through it in a daze; for once, she has no feedback on the car. It worked perfectly well, she drove perfectly well and her result was satisfactory for everyone. No, this session is focused on Max and some inane aspect of track limits that he’s been complaining about since before Qualifying ended.

Dilara has nothing useful to contribute to this discussion, so the moment she gets an out, she takes it. Her car drops her back to the hotel and she takes the elevator straight to the executive floor, but doesn’t go to her own suite. Instead, she knocks on the door opposite it, noticing how her hand trembles just a little bit.

Her phone pings then and she sees an Instagram message from Lexie: a picture of herself from the paddock half an hour ago, wearing a black sports bra and cotton shorts, with a striped open shirt over it - the exact same thing she’s wearing right now. Under the picture is a message from her friend: Everything okay? Thought you’d be celebrating P3!

It’s a testament to their friendship that even though it’s a picture of her smiling, Lexie can still tell when it’s fake. Dilara locks the phone when she hears footsteps behind the door, making a mental note to reply to Lexie later; right now, she needs to hold on to the anger that got her to P3.

The door swings open to reveal Jungkook, in a sleeveless black t-shirt and shorts, holding a chilled water bottle. “Hey, Dilara!” he exclaims, a smile instantly appearing on his tired face; her guess is he’s just returned from the gym. “Congratulations on P3!”

“Thanks.” For some reason, the room is completely dark, save for a colourful lamp throwing shadows on the walls. It takes a few moments for her gaze to find Taehyung behind him at the mini bar, who doesn’t look too surprised to see her here. “Can I talk to you? In private?”

He says nothing, simply looking towards the living room where Jimin is sprawled on the couch, sitting in front of the TV.

“Dilara, hey! Wanna join -” 

But he cuts off abruptly, possibly at the sight of her expression. For a few seconds, no one moves. Dilara’s eyes flicker from Taehyung to Jungkook, hoping at least one of them will make the next move. It seems to be Jungkook’s cue.

“Right. Gotcha.” He strides into the room and beckons Jimin to get up. There’s some whining and complaining in Korean, but a few seconds later, Jungkook and Jimin brush past her to exit the room, the latter in a chokehold of sorts.

Dilara steps inside and waits for the door to swing shut behind her, turning to lock it for good measure. She walks slowly towards the living room; there’s an open bottle of whiskey on the coffee table and the TV screen is frozen on a dark shot of a Billie Eilish music video. 

“You guys don’t believe in using lights?” 

“Jungkook got a new lamp,” is all Taehyung offers in explanation. She turns to see him approaching her gingerly and stopping at the edge of the room; it makes her blood boil. “Congrats on P3. You drove really well.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs. “Maybe I should’ve crashed. It seems to be the only way to get you to act like a real person.”

A shadow passes over his face. “Don’t ever say that.”

“It’s true.” When he says nothing, she scoffs. “I can’t believe you did that. I had no time to change - I was just lucky I had a black bra in my changing room or I would’ve had to wear that damn race suit for the drivers’ parade. I would’ve overheated before Qualifying even began! Do you care at all -”

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t plan -”

“Then why did you even come into my changing room?” she demands, walking over to him and pushing him back by the shoulders. “Was it just to tell me to be careful? Are you serious?” 

“I came to -” But he breaks off, his gaze falling to the ground again. “I came to wish you good luck.”

“Bullshit.”

There’s a look in his eyes, one of agreement and pleading. “I’m sorry I got carried away. I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you,” he says quietly.

It takes everything in her not to scream. But that would be pointless. So far, only one thing seems to have worked in bringing forth the Taehyung she knows from behind this robotic stranger; without another thought, she kisses him again.

Dilara doesn’t wait for him to take the lead this time. The anger, the frustration, the confusion - and most of all, that dangerous, dreaded disappointment - takes over and she pushes him backwards on the sofa, taking off her shirt and straddling him. Taehyung doesn’t even seem surprised this time; his hands are already on her hips, pulling her closer so she feels his bulge underneath her.

It’s that same desperation again; it’s as though the outward, uncaring persona has been shed like a snake’s skin, revealing everything he truly wants to say. He’d said part of it back in the changing room and he’s saying the rest of it now. He doesn’t seem to mind in the least that she’s in control; all he seems concerned with is keeping her close, his lips on hers and his body reacting accordingly.

Their clothes are off in minutes - everything but the black sports bra. Pushing his shoulders back into the back of the sofa, mouths only inches apart as they breathe heavily, she slides onto him, groaning at the feel of him after so long. Taehyung grunts into her neck as she begins moving, trying with each second to find those blissful few moments where it’s just him and her, and none of the mess they’ve left in their wake.

The aftermath is worse. Sitting side by side on the sofa, half-clothed, in the dark and shadowy room, Dilara drops her head back on the sofa.

“How does this happen?” she murmurs, rubbing her eyes. “How does this happen every time? I’m angry with you and ten minutes later -” She breaks off and turns to him, his silhouette perfectly angular. “This isn’t normal, right? A normal person wouldn’t do this. How - how are you making me do this?”

Taehyung doesn’t answer, knowing he’s not meant to. He lets her get it out before exhaling. “Do you want a drink?” he asks softly.

It’s back. The distance, the tone - it’s back. But Dilara is too tired. “Yes, please.” She watches him as he leans forward and makes her a drink, complete with a pile of ice cubes before handing it to her. She takes a sip and winces.

“Sorry. We’ve only opened the whiskey so far. Do you want wine instead?”

“I don’t want anything. What do you want, Tae?” she asks him instead, standing up and going around the table. Not caring that she’s just in her underwear, she kneels directly opposite him. “You’re acting like you can barely stand me - except for when we fuck.” She tilts her head when he still doesn’t look at her. “Is that all you need from me now?”

Taehyung doesn’t take the bait. “You wanted space, Dilara,” he says. His tone is the opposite of hers; no sharpness, just plain and calm. “I’m just doing what you asked.”

Yes, you are. But this isn’t the way. He’s not just giving her what she wants - there’s something else there, too. She knows it, she could feel it in the way he backed away from her in her changing room earlier today, even in the way he held her a few minutes ago, as though savouring her for the last time.

Dilara sighs, biting her lip. All the anger she was holding onto has disappeared; the sinking feeling is all that’s left. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

The silence is loud. Then, Taehyung sits back as well. “Yeah, you do.”

Yeah, she does. She knows what he wants; despite his restraint, his distance, his guardedness, he’d let it slip earlier today when he’d snuck into her changing room, an hour after she was filmed in an ice bath with her Red Bull teammates. Dilara knew when she was being marked; unfortunately, Kim Taehyung couldn’t just give her a hickey like a normal person. No, his way was a step further as usual, but the message was just as clear.

“No, I don’t. So tell me.”

“I can’t, Lara,” he mutters, and his voice strains just a little bit. “It would be too selfish of me.”

“Tell me anyway.”

Taehyung finally looks up at her. His eyes look so soft in the dim lights, so unlike the blazing, laser-gaze he usually fixes her with. Then his eyes flicker to the floor, and he swallows.

“I want another chance. With you.” He takes a deep breath and continues. “I know I hurt you, but I want to try again. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

He doesn’t say it like it’s something he’s asking her for. He says it like it’s a pipe dream, like he’s a child who’s asked what he wants to be when he grows up. An astronaut. A chef. Your boyfriend, again.

The sinking feeling, the dreadful disappointment that’s been following her all weekend - it suddenly makes sense. It’s not just about giving her space and it’s not about his fear over her crash. His distance is so much deeper than that.

Dilara scoffs, feeling her face start to sting. “Oh, God. You’re giving up.”

“Excuse me?”

She stands up, clutching the glass of whiskey. “I can’t believe you,” she mutters, shaking her head. “After everything that’s happened, after all we’ve been through, you’re just giving up? I told you not to call me, I told you to give me space - you got your feelings so damn hurt by that that you decided it’s just not worth it anymore?”

“I didn’t -”

“No, that’s not fair!” she exclaims. “You don’t get to do that, okay? This is - everything that’s happened is because of you! You did this to us, you’re the reason we’re here, so you don’t get to just give up!” She slams the glass on the wooden table and turns away when she sees him stand up as well.

“You don’t think I know that?” His deep voice takes her off guard, but she’s relieved. This is the loudest she’s heard him all weekend. “You don’t think I know that this is all my fault? I know I did this - and I’m still screwing it up! Even now, I’m still hurting you, so…” He runs his hands through his hair in frustration. “I’m done. I’m just going to do what you want. Whatever you want.”

“Really.” She scoffs and folds her hands across her chest. “Whatever I want?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “You want space? I’ll stay away from you as long as you want. You want to take it slow? You want to just fuck once a year when we’re in the same country? Done,” he states, his voice trembling. “I’ll do it.”

Dilara stares at him. His shoulders are broader than she remembers, and she relives for a moment how they felt earlier this week when he’d been transparent about his relief at seeing her alive and okay. 

“But that’s not what you want,” she reminds him. “You want to -”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” he interrupts her, stepping closer to her. “That’s what I’m saying. Every time I do what I want, I end up hurting you and pushing you away. So it’s not about me anymore - I’ll do whatever you want to -”

“Then help me!” she implores. “Help me hate you more!” Dilara sniffs, turning away from his stunned expression. “And if you can’t do that… at least don’t be a coward. You don’t get to give up.”

She brushes past him to get to her clothes, strewn next to the sofa. As she pulls them on, she glances through her hair at Taehyung, boxers on and nothing else, with his head in his hands, looking defeated. The rest of the room looks remarkably the same; she remembers Jimin sitting on that sofa a half hour before she and Taehyung had sex on it, and she cringes.

“Lara, I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he says as she moves to leave. “It’s not fair.”

Dilara has no response to this. The last three weeks have been immeasurably useful in helping her realise how she still feels about him, but none of it matters if he’s no longer in the game. It occurs to her only now how much she was counting on him fighting for it; without that, it’s too overwhelming for her alone, like being in the middle of a car crash without a single person to pull her out.

“You should call for a turn-down service,” she tells him, gesturing to the sofa. “Before those guys get back.”

He nods. “Good luck for tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Tae.” She steps out of the room and closes the door behind her, immediately gulping in bag loads of air. The first sob takes her by surprise. Her knees give way and she slides down with her back against the door, all with the knowledge that her own suite is just across the corridor. 

—

Sunday is all about the race. BTS is gone most of the day for PR that she’s not involved in, so Dilara takes the opportunity to ensure she has a clear head for the race. Last night involved a lot of introspection, a lot of crying and a lot of debriefing with Lexie, whom Dilara realises she misses the most. Even two continents away, Lexie’s primary focus was to help Dilara work through everything she needed to until she could compartmentalise it for the duration of the race.

It works, somewhat. Dilara goes for her interviews, her PR and the drivers’ parade with as much focus as she can and finally climbs into her for the race, adrenaline rushing through her veins and her focus singular. Taehyung’s good luck text (Good luck for today. Be careful. You’ll do great.) runs in her mind when she releases the clutch at the starting light.

Her flight to London isn’t until tomorrow morning, so after the race, Dilara heads back to her hotel and to the suite opposite her own. Jungkook opens the door and immediately welcomes her in.

“Good race,” he says as she slips in past him, noting a bowl of potato chips on the coffee table and a video game controller next to it. On the screen, a game of FIFA is paused.

“Thanks. Where’s everybody else?” she asks.

“Filming. I got sent back.” He rolls his eyes self-consciously when she frowns. “Had a bit of a heat stroke, so they told me to come back and rest.”

Dilara freezes. “What? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he huffs, falling into the sofa and motioning for her to join him. “It wasn’t a big deal. I just got a bit de- basically, I need to drink a lot of water. That’s it.”

“Huh.” She raises her eyebrows. “You got dehydrated in Singapore? Rookie mistake.”

Jungkook shrugs, a little defensively. “I’m fine. You want to play?” he asks, changing the subject.

She considers it for a moment but then shakes her head. “No, I’m too tired. You go ahead.”

“Come on, one game.”

“Fine.”

They play a game, a half-hearted one where Jungkook wins but fortunately doesn’t gloat. Much.

“You need practice,” he advises her when they’re done. “You’re making small mistakes.”

She flicks his forehead which he tries to dodge. “I’m exhausted. Racing in Singapore is no joke.”

“I believe you,” he says easily, ruffling her hair. “By the way,” he begins, “Taehyung has been acting a little… weird today. Did you two talk or something?”

Dilara sighs, knowing this would come up. “Or something,” she mutters. “If he was being a pain today, I apologise.”

“He wasn’t a pain. He was just quiet,” he clarifies. “I’m just asking because when you came here last night, it looked like you were about to kill him.”

Oh, right. She supposes it would’ve looked like that, out of context, to someone who didn’t know what transpired in her changing room. “Well, at least that didn’t happen.” A moment passes where Jungkook doesn’t say anything, and she sighs again. “He wants to get back together.”

Jungkook nods expectantly; this is clearly not a surprise to him. “What did you say?”

“Oh. Well -” She shrugs uncertainly. “I don’t remember actually. The topic kind of strayed.” She rubs a hand over her face. “It’s… not an easy topic. Or an easy decision. I mean,” she adds after a moment, mostly to herself, “he didn’t call me last weekend.”

He frowns at her. “I thought you told him not to -”

“Yes, my God, I know,” she says loudly, rolling her eyes. “He was doing what I wanted - big whoop for him. “I’m not complaining, I’m just… surprised.”

“Do you remember Austin last year?” Jungkook asks after a few moments. “When those guys were on a live and you, me and Jimin got really drunk while waiting for them?”

Dilara chuckles tiredly. “Of course. I haven’t had tequila since. Don’t think I ever will,” she adds, grateful for the change in subject. “We were so wasted.”

“We were,” he agrees, leaning back on the couch and placing his feet on the edge of the coffee table. “Do you remember when we snuck out to the chocolate shop in the lobby and bought those two huge boxes of -”

“Truffles! Yes!” she remembers suddenly, her memories of that night fairly hazy. “And we brought it upstairs in a… I want to say a pillowcase?”

“It was my hoodie. We wanted to hide it for some reason - who knows. Oh, do you remember you ran into someone at the shop? Yeah, it was this guy and he said you hadn’t seen each other in a while,” he recounts, seemingly not noticing Dilara’s smile fade. “I think he was - did he say he was your ex?”

A little unsure as to why he’s chosen to bring this up, she nods slowly. “Yeah. Kyle. Not a good break-up.”

“Yeah, I think you told me that, too, when we came back up to the room. Oh, remember how -” He chuckles, sounding a bit forced “- remember how when we were back you said you needed closure once and for all and you wanted to call him? I had to wrestle you for your phone because you were so drunk and I kept it on top of a shelf so you wouldn’t be able to reach it?” He grins at Dilara, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

She stares at him, her heart pounding. She does remember it, unfortunately, just as she remembers her relief the next morning and how she’d quietly asked Jungkook to return her phone to her, hoping with all her heart that this would stay between them. It would’ve been a terrible way to kick off her relationship with Taehyung; fortunately, Jungkook had never brought it up. Until now.

He’s no longer smiling; he’s biting his lip and looking at his feet, as though worried he’s crossed a line.

“I get it,” she says quietly. “I got really drunk and almost did something that could jeopardise my relationship, but lucky for me, I had you to stop me. Taehyung didn’t. Right?”

Jungkook doesn’t meet her eyes; but he looks a little less nervous, now that his point has been made.

“Do you think I don’t know what I’m capable of?” she asks. “Do you think I don’t know, after all this time, that he made a mistake? I’m not unreasonable - he had a lot to drink and he did something really, really stupid. I know that.”

It’s the first time she’s said it out loud and it’s cathartic. Her chest feels lighter; it doesn’t make her situation any easier, but at least it’s out there. It’s not just swimming in her mind anymore, keeping her up at night.

“I know,” she says slowly, “that he won’t cheat on me again. I think he’s learnt his lesson. I think I could put him in a sauna with Jennie - and literally any other girl - and ply him with all the alcohol in the world, and he wouldn’t cheat on me again. He cheated on me - but he’s not a cheater.”

Jungkook finally looks at her, frowning. “Then why -”

“Because he didn’t tell me,” she argues. “He messed up and he didn’t tell me because he was, what? Afraid of me? I told him things in twenty-four hours of knowing him that I haven’t told people I’ve known for years, and he’d done the same! I thought we could tell each other anything - even the worst, most shameful things. But he didn’t tell me,” she repeats.

He nods sympathetically, and Dilara finds herself being glad he isn’t defending his friend.

“He was afraid of me,” she repeats, shaking her head. “You know what it made me feel like? Like I was one of those wives or girlfriends in those dude-bro, frat boy, Seth Rogen movies where the guys are so afraid of them and go to these insane lengths to hide things from them, because they’re afraid they’ll have to sleep on the couch,” she says in disgust. 

“I… don’t think he was afraid of you,” ventures Jungkook, sounding hesitant. “I think he was afraid of hurting you.”

“Fine,” she agrees. “Let’s say he was. What’s stopping him from being too afraid to hurt me again? If he ever messes up again,” she says, feeling like they’re finally reaching the crux of the issue, “how do I trust that he’ll tell me? He tried, this time, didn’t he? He was too late, but he tried. If he does something like this again, especially after everything I’ve put him through…” She sniffles. “I don’t think he’ll tell me at all.”

Silence greets this statement, and Dilara drops her face into her hands before sitting straight and taking a deep breath. She doesn’t want to cry in front of Jungkook; despite the level of comfort between them, she feels he’d still be the most uncomfortable around a crying girl.

“I’ll tell you.”

Dilara frowns, wondering if she’s heard him wrong. “What?”

“I’ll tell you,” he repeats, turning sideways on the couch so he’s facing her. “Look, he’s not going to mess up again. He’s not stupid - he won’t do it. And if he does,” he allows, shrugging, “he’ll tell you the truth. You said it yourself, he’s learnt his lesson. But,” he continues, gently nudging her shoulder with the back of his hand, “if he doesn’t, I’ll tell you.”

“JK -”

“I’m serious. I’ll do it.” He shrugs. “I won’t need to, but if I do, I will.”

“Jungkook.” Dilara tilts her head. “He’s your best friend.”

“You’re my friend, too,” he says simply. 

“I -” She can’t argue with that; it would be too mean. “It doesn’t really solve my problem. I need to trust him.”

“And you can,” he insists. “This is just like a… what’s it called in English? Like when you have a back-up kind of thing -”

“Insurance.”

“Yes!” He claps his hands, making her jump. “Sorry. But, yes. This is just your insurance, kind of. If it ever happens again and he doesn’t tell you, then you know for sure that he’s a dick. And that you can just -” He makes a vague gesture “- move on.”

It’s a very Jungkook proposal. Impractical as it is, it’s the most convincing argument anyone has made so far. Dilara doesn’t know whether to be comforted or amused.

“Are you doing this for me or for Taehyung?”

“Can’t it be both?”

She narrows her eyes. “Cop-out.” When he grins, she rolls her eyes. “You would really do that to him? Betray his trust?”

Jungkook’s eyes go wide and she can practically see the dilemma in his brain. “I - well, it’s not really betraying him if he’s betraying you…? Right? I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I should’ve done that this year. Just… just told you.”

Dilara nods thoughtfully, searching for the grudge she was holding but unable to find it anymore. “It’s a big commitment,” she says seriously, relieved to see him smile again. “Sure you can live up to it?”

“Hey, I told you,” he says, turning back and sitting normally again. “I got your back.”

“Yeah, about that. Do all of those involve Jimin getting assaulted in some way? Because if yes, then I’m going to have to decline.”

“Assault? I barely touched him. He’s just so weak.”

“He is so weak. I swear, last year I pulled him into the elevator or something and he screamed like I’d ripped off his arm or something.”

“Jimin hyung is strong in the gym and on stage,” states Jungkook with an air of finality. “Other than that, he usually needs me or Namjoon hyung to help him out.”

“Weak.”

“So weak.”

Dilara grins, glad she chose to come over. Truth be told, she didn’t have a plan. She’d been hoping to talk to Taehyung and wing it from there, but nothing ever went according to plan for them. The possibility that he might have given up on them seems much less likely now, despite his efforts to still keep his distance all day and leave the ball in her court.

She looks over at Jungkook, who’s now scrolling through the different games on the Xbox for something they can play together. Jungkook hasn’t given up; for now, maybe that’s enough.

—

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[limetameta]

been thinking abt my fmab hunger games au all day and its so convoluted lmao

So there's three timelines we gotta explain right away

First timeline:

Riza Hawkeye won a la guns (in this au u get weapons and can use alchemy) thus became the victor for her district (like the equivalent of district 12 but i cant be bothered to have 24 ppl in a cast therefore we splitting this as arakawa intended- east district)

Second timeline:

Edward Elric was reaped. Al could not volunteer because he knew that if the capitol (aka central) ppl find out about his body theyd not only punish him but theyd probably also kill ed for comitting the taboo

Now!

It's WINRY who volunteers for some random girl because she is eds mechanic!! And he can't survive out there without her!! She is doing this for you Ed!

Riza is their haymitch. Roy Mustang, exists in this au but I'm torn between two routes for him

He's like a Gale character for Riza but the reason why he didn't volunteer to be alongside Riza for her HG was because he was too old by that point. Riza was like 18 when she got reaped.

Roy Mustang is a capitol boy who is the main schmoozing bitch that gets riza all her sponsors because that woman has 0 rizz. Effie but a man whore.

Ed and Winry win much alike Katniss and Peeta do in the first HG. I don't care for this. My fic would start with the 2nd quarter quell when all of the previous winners gotta fight.

Third timeline:

Winry gets chosen for the 75th HG. Riza steps up for her. They know she won't be this lucky again how she was last time.

Ed is the only East District male tribute.

Reason why riza stepped up is because these hunger games are going to be a bloodbath.

Olivier and Alex Armstrong will he competing. And they're careerists. (See this is where it gets kinda weird how to plan because if I have Central be capitol then that means we can't have Armstrong in this but which district would I put them in if I can't have this- lmao Olivier and Miles as North District tributes maybe - Miles may have volunteered for Alex because Alex came out of his HG completely traumatised (much alike in ishval))

Comanche and Izumi from the south district (also careerists or just built like that lmao)

And that just leaves us with the West District

This random boy gets reaped but oh! Oh! Don't worry - because there's someone who REALLY wants back in that arena! The one and only Crimson Lotus (that man would RELISH in all of the fanfare and the centre of attention he'd play the game very well and would always be like: no fair, why are we doing this w kids we should invent a new hg for us :/ (lmaooo a sponsor sent him a ph stone during his initial hg could u believe that and then he went ham thatd be so funny honestly)

Anyway Sheska is the female tribute because plot reasons.

Ishval is its own district let's say and we get Scar (volunteered for his brother in his first games and now is the only male tribute from the Victors)

I guess an OC there aren't a lot of female characters to choose from.

Anyway I love my pandemonium *kicks legs* it'd be so fucked up especially because I have ideas how to nerf the alchemists to make them more equal with the regulars when they're running for that cornucopia.

[thecoramaria]

Hello!

Thank you so much for your blog, it's helped me a lot in writing my fics. It's definitely one of the best fic writing resources out there.

Onto my question: do you have any advice on how to write more quickly + not hate everything I write?

I do writing sprints a lot of the time but I can't help but feel as if my writing has gotten worse, and I feel guilty cutting down my work because I struggle to meet the daily word count goal I have for myself (600 words a day).

I'm about a quarter of the way through my longfic, and I feel like I've just gotten worse and worse at writing. I still love the story, but my writing feels clunkier and flows less smoothly.

Thank you!

I'm glad you're enjoying the channel! It's getting late where I am rn but sleepy Cora is gonna try to answer your ask anyway.

First of all, I'd just like to say that 600 words a day is a lot! (And so is being a whole quarter through your story btw.) While I have won NaNoWriMo a few times (a challenge that involves writing 50k+ words in a month) it's definitely not sustainable for me. Recently, I've struggled to just average more than 300 words in a day. Unfortunately I'm still coming to terms with my chronic pain and the limits it places on my ability to write fic. 600 words a day on average is just... not possible for me.

However, something I have been doing lately is to learn what my current capacity is, which seems to be 300 words a day on average. Note: on average! A lot of days, I don't even write that much, but some days I make up for it by writing a lot. As I say in this short, good writing goals are like persistence hunting. You might find yourself more motivated if you set monthly or quarterly word count goals rather than daily ones. Then it's not a big deal if you write very little or not at all on some days, since you'll still have plenty of time to catch up.

(Also if you tell a non-writer that you wrote like 300 words in a day, they'll probably be impressed!)

So TL;DR: focus on learning what your capacity is, and then set your writing goals around that. Also focus on writing goals that cover a longer period than a day to allow wiggle room for your erratic progress.

Now, onto writing sprints.

I have the flavour of autism that gives me a processing speed deficiency, meaning that it takes me longer to Do Things than the average (usually allistic) person. This means that I'm a slow drafter, but also a more methodical, intentional one.

This means that writing sprints aren't all that helpful to me. I need to ponder every sentence and detail as I write it, because I already figured out the plot points and character arcs in my outline. "Just get the story down in the first draft" doesn't work for me because I already did that. In a highly detailed outline.

So writing sprints may be what's causing you to feel like your writing is getting worse. There are two perspectives on this:

First drafts are supposed to be bad, and writing sprints are supposed to just help you get them done so you can fix them later. If you were previously a slow, methodical drafter, then switching to a strategy that focuses on quantity over quality is going to make for rougher drafts, and thus make you feel like your writing is worse. That's okay though, because you can edit a rough draft. You can't edit a blank page.

Writing sprints are sabotaging the quality of your drafts, so instead, you can ditch them and focus on the slow-and-steady drafting approach. It'll make for less editing time in the long run, and you'll feel more confident in your writing ability if you take a quality-first approach.

But wait! I have a secret third option! One that may not be to do with writing sprints at all!

Could it be that the reason why your writing feels worse... is that your current WIP happens to be challenging you in new ways?

The reason why I bring this up is because this is something I've encountered recently while editing my current WIP. For context, it's the second book in a trilogy, and the first book didn't require nearly as much structural editing and rewriting, so what's changed? Why are my drafts for Book 2 so much worse than Book 1?

It's because Book 1 relied on the Stations of Canon, (warning that this article mentions 'Harry Potter' if you'd rather avoid that) while Book 2 breaks away from them.

Basically, I built my fic around a plot formula from canon that was already proven to be effective, but now, I'm having to build the plot from near scratch. It's like learning to build a house where the scaffolding and measurements are all done for you vs having to do all that yourself. Of course my writing feels worse! I'm learning an entirely new storytelling skill. There's going to be plenty of mistakes along the way.

However, I'm making peace with my first drafts for Book 2 being "worse", because I'm learning just how crucial and transformative editing can be. Taking on these new challenges means that I'm noticing weak spots that were previously invisible to me, and what is a weak spot but opportunities to improve my craft?

I'm a big believer that if you feel like your writing is bad or getting worse, instead of stewing in the insecurity, you should instead investigate why. Why is your writing clunkier or flowing less smoothly than it used to? Is it that you use redundant phrasing and tautology? Do you take 20 words to say something that could just as easily be said in 10? Vague feelings about the quality of your writing is what allows insecurity to fester. Actually knowing what the issue is makes that much harder, because now you have a concrete problem to solve. I do have a partial draft for a video that goes into that more, so if anyone wants to see me complete and film it, let me know!

Thanks for the ask, Nonny, and I hope this helps~!

[bandits-whump-collection]

I hear you know a lot about sedatives. Is there anything that works really quickly and is really strong, like a movie-style instant knockout drug? I have to admit, I was a little disappointed at how un-cinematic it was when I experienced being sedated myself

Unfortunately not, or at least, not to the degree you'd hope.

The slowest method is intramuscular, which are tranquilizer darts. These aren't precise, and hit muscle to slowly inject through the fibers and eventually reach blood. They take anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes, and need a counter-agent administered immediately after whatever's been done is done to ensure whatever (or whoever) was hit doesn't die to it. Sedatives are lethal, upping the strength doesn't mean they just up how fast they work, it means the risk of death by overdose is increased. So, a dart to the neck or butt wouldn't instantly send a character off to dreamland (in fact, you don't dream under sedation), and if it hits a vein or artery, that can be it for them.

The second, is intravenous sedation. This is usually used in hospitals, typically taking 15-30 minutes. Unless you're a stunning sharpshooter, you typically can't use a dart to administer this, but if your whumpee is restrained, and they're perhaps shot with a dose of paralytics before being administered this...

The third is inhalation, so that chloroform rag a whumper slapped to a whumpee's face as they struggle before falling limp for hours? Really, it would take 5 minutes (compare to the other's double digit numbers) of constant deep breathing, and only keep them under for a minute once it's removed. But, if you really want chloroform, a way you could do it is soak a fabric bag in it, and tie it over your whumpee's head, resulting in constant exposure and your whumper not having to hold a rag the entire time.

And, the quickest and most dangerous, is an injection directly into the heart. There's little research past pet euthanasia vets, which I feel speaks for itself when I say that this method is dangerous.

But, a lot of sedatives have flexible times. Some take hours, some take minutes. If you want to use a real sedative for your story, research what type it is! If you want to use a fictional one, try to base it off a real one for a certain interest to the story. I always love watching whumpees helplessly struggle as they inevitably fall asleep.

Oh, also, because I hate when people go off on a different topic and don't answer the original question itself; this is fiction, M99 is probably your ticket to insta-knocking out your character. A quarter's worth of weight can knock out a couple thousand-pounds stallion. Have fun!

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

Here is the third of the posts I'm making that detail my thoughts on every episode of The Magnus Archives. This post details my thoughts on episodes 31-40, the last episodes of Season 1. I've absolutely loved this final quarter, and documenting it has been a really fun (and kind of traumatizing but I'll get to that) experience.

Please keep in mind a few things before you read this.

1: This post is LONG. Like I mean LOOOOOONNNGG. If you read this all in one sitting, I will be both humbled and concerned for your wellbeing, so just...keep that in mind.

2: Obviously there will be spoilers for all of the first season, so if you haven't listened to that, steer clear. If you have listened ahead of Season 1, which I'm assuming most people reading this have, please don't spoil any future episodes for me :).

3: I recommend reading my posts on previous episodes before this one, as I will make reference to them a few times. There is a link to my masterpost of them above the cut. With that, enjoy! :)

- Episode 31, First Hunt 🦌

Statement of Lawrence Mortimer, regarding his hunting trip to Blue Ridge, Virginia.

Jonathan Sims is the only guy ever. The man walks into his office, probably sleep deprived and without any caffeine in his bloodstream, does the best impression of a jolly old English man he can muster for twenty minutes straight, sings his little heart out at one point, and then proceeds to call the story about someone being hunted bullshit while he stares at the ceiling in dread of the evil sex worms hunting him. Btw, I will admit that last bit was a little annoying. Usually I’m fine with Jon calling statements dumb, as I think it adds to the loser old man twink vibe I get from him, but when he straight up sees a similarity between one paranormal occurrence and another, and one or said occurrences is haunting him in real time, his denial just came off as kind of frustrating, especially considering how he usually does pick up on connections between statements. Ok enough about Jon (I just love/affectionately hate him so much I’m sorry), more about the actual story. Well firstly, the portrayal of America was genuinely kind of perfect. I’m glad that more people around the world are able to learn about the horrors of The Appalachian Trail. (These specific horrors don’t get the sparkles, they’re just that fucked up.) I did also really like the whole role reversal with animals hunting humans, it oddly reminds me of some of the themes in Episode 30, but the flavor and execution is very different. I do also wonder if the presence of a lycanthrope somehow connects to the vampires in Episode 10, since I usually group those two monsters specifically. And much like the vampires, I actually really liked how the lycanthrope was portrayed here, it had a lot more intelligence than the average werewolf, where the human and animal forms are usually entirely different minds. Also, it not being able to die was…genuinely really fucking scary with the way it was described. And while I do have a distaste for hunting, I did genuinely feel pretty bad for Lawrence and Arden, neither of them deserved what happened to them. Finally, there’s the ending of the episode, which was…yikes. It’s genuinely quite shaking to see Jon this terrified, like he’s really started to realize how bad things are getting. I always love seeing him outside of when he’s reading statements, and I just UGH I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOOOOUUU. Honestly that’s probably my only kind of big frustration with the podcast. I mean, I still love the statements obviously, and they’re clearly working hard in the world-building and foreshadowing department, so it’s hardly affecting my enjoyment, but episodes like Colony and A Distortion are some of my favorites in the show so far, and it just makes me want to see more of what’s going on at the institute, and what the people who work there are like. Hopefully more episodes like those ones will show up soon, as I’d like the season to end on a special note. Well, aside from that, this was a very solid episode, and given the title of the next episode…well, I think my wishes will be granted soon. (JANE PRENTISS STATEMENT SAVE ME!!!)

I just realized that I’m basically writing my own statements here whoa.

- Episode 32, Hive 🐝

Statement of Jane Prentiss, regarding a wasps’ nest in her attic.

….The Jane Prentiss statement saved me, but NOT IN THE WAY I WANTED IT TO. (LIKE, IT WAS PHENOMENAL, MIGHT JUST BE MY NEW FAVORITE, BUT FUUUUUCCCKK.) Firstly, I think part of what made this statement so amazing was how it was framed. This is definitely the most cryptic story so far, valuing symbolism over a concise structure, but I actually felt like that worked perfectly here. Since Jane is practically deteriorating while writing this, it feels like she’s contemplating things we couldn’t even imagine. While also being aware of the true horrors she has now become witness and host to. And mentioning the symbolism, MY GOD IS IT GOOD. The Flesh Hive (and no, I’m not calling it the sex worms anymore, that ship has sailed) in particular is such an interesting concept, I mean, it’s more of a concept incarnate than any other horror so far. The way it reflects the metaphorical hive, the insect ecosystem that exists all around us, which in turn reflects a sort of toxic codependency and need to be loved, which is also reflected through Jane, and it all ends up as a combination between the concept of love and disgusting insects, it’s just, UGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. On top of that, this is absolutely my favorite of Jonny Sims’ performances so far. He captured Jane, along with her shift into becoming a part of The Flesh Hive extremely well, but also mixes it with the genuine terror that Jon is feeling. Speaking of which, while it was certainly cathartic to see Jon admit that what’s happening is very real and very paranormal, it was also very terrifying in its own right. Either something very weird is happening in the archives (I mean, obviously SOMETHING is weird but Jon could be…well, he certainly isn’t normal, but, like, he doesn’t have to be PARAnormal, you know?), or, Jon has had some VERY weird experiences in his past, which I think is more likely. What they are, I don’t know, but I think they’re something similar to this, considering how he said that something in the statement had gotten to him. (Stay safe my poor little meow meow babygirl-) As for the story outside of just themes, I don’t have much to say honestly, it was still fantastic, just very simple due to the abstract nature of the episode. All I’ll say is that it was obviously terrifying, and I feel really bad for Jane. I don’t care if she was canonically “toxic” or whatever, she still deserved better than what happened to her, and the level of emotional distress she was in was absolutely chilling. (On the bright side though she kind of slays as an evil worm lady but I digress.) Anyways, the last thing I have to talk about is theories, because MY GOD, this gave me quite a bit to work with. (This is becoming a massive wall of text so I’m going to make a cut.)

Firstly, I think it’s time to go back to my theory about cults and higher powers. There’s been at least one instance of a cult via The People’s Church of The Divine Host, but due to characters like Gerard Keay, the other guy in the hospital, Sarah Baldwin, potentially The Lukas Family, potentially Jurgen Leitner, likely The Circus of The Other, and more, I feel like there are multiple cults and multiple higher powers, potentially at odds with each other given what happens in Episode 12. And I think this applies to this episode, as Jane was a practicing witch, and The Flesh Hive seems to be some kind of higher power as well. I think other higher powers might be The Anglerfish, the growing darkness, something associated with eyes, maybe “Micheal”, and some other potential candidates. Overall it does feel like the podcast is leaning towards the eldritch kind of horror (which is my absolute jam btw), so I hope I’m right in my assumptions. As for what these higher powers may want, I feel like maybe they’re…punishing humanity for their hubris? Like, I know that assumption might sound like it’s coming from someone who can only view these sorts of things from a religious perspective, but hear me out, because you have episodes like Do Not Open, Alone, Lost Johns’ Cave, Confession and Desecrated Host, Freefall, Skintight, First Hunt, and even this one with how Jane is practicing witchcraft, where characters who are comfortable in situations that many would find scary, and are then scared while in that situation. The only possible exception is in Arachnophobia, where Carlos is already scared of what he’s haunted by, but you could argue that he was being punished for a potential curiosity with spiders he had when he was younger. So yeah, those are some small thoughts I had about how some of this all ties together, but I had a couple of other small observations as well. Firstly, the presence of spiders in Jane’s attic. She implies that they exist separately from The Flesh Hive, so I do wonder if they tie into what happened in Episode 16 at all, especially considering that the worms were in fact mentioned there. Secondly, there’s her mention of “fools chasing fractals”. If that doesn’t tie into Episode 8 with Ivo’s father, I don’t know what does. Thirdly, her landlord was smoking a cigarette, which just reminds me of everything involving The Anglerfish (although I checked to see if he was mentioned in Ep. 1 like Sarah and no, he wasn’t.) And fourthly, one that was mentioned in the YouTube comments, Antonio from Ep. 11 was said to be working at a Crystal shop, had a somewhat similar experience where his mind was directly connected to ✨the horrors✨over a long period of time, and was also under a fake name. They said that maybe this would explain why that one guy looked at her sadly, maybe he was “Antonio” and knew what was going on, and while I’m not 100% sold on the idea, I thought it was interesting.

So…yeah. That was…an experience. Suffice to say, I am terrified. I’m terrified of Jane, for Jane, for Jon, for The Institute, and for my sanity as I delve deeper into the never ending rabbit hole that is The Magnus Archives. (I have 168 episodes left, Christ.) This episode is phenomenal, and there’s probably a lot I didn’t even talk about but…I think I’m going to lie down now, maybe get an exterminator contact ready just in case…auuughhhh.

- Episode 33, Boatswain’s Call ⛴️

Statement of Carlita Sloane, regarding her work on a container ship traveling from Porto do Itaqui to Southampton.

Oh thank god some time to breathe after last episode. I mean…not really, but you know what I mean. I’ll start off with what is the obvious highlight of the episode: TIM!!! I said earlier that I feel like he has bastard energy, and I was…kind of right about that? He’s nicer than I expected though. As for whether I love or hate him…yeah I’m leaning towards loving him, he’s fun :). Also, I absolutely love how they retconned errors in previous episodes at the beginning, that’s super funny and a really clever workaround to discrepancies. But how about the statement? Well, I will start with my one slight critique, that being that this is one of the least scary episodes for me so far. Which like, I feel like Rusty Quill knows that, since Jon outright says there’s nothing really paranormal here, but it’s ultimately whatever. Still though, the atmosphere here was really well done, the whole vibe of a creepy boat was captured very well through the writing, no outright big scares in the episode, but it did a very good job keeping me on edge. One of the moments that did genuinely make me pretty damn scared was when Carlita was digging through the shipping containers, and was then called out to the lifeboat by the rest of the crew. As someone with a very deep fear of being caught doing something people don’t want me to do, (even though my cowardly ass would never even bother), that certainly made me feel really uneasy, even though she was fine in the end. There’s not a whole lot to say here honestly, other than a few observations and theories. Firstly, I’m really glad we got some more insight into The Lukas Family! Episode 13 is still a favorite for me, so it’s nice to see connections to it showing up. This episode didn’t really reveal that much, other than that they help fund the institute, which like, is good way to keep them from investigating the weird shit the family seems to get up to honestly. And given the presence of the fog, as well as the overarching theme of isolation present with them, if I didn’t think they were responsible for what happened in Episode 13 already, I absolutely think so now. I also do really think that Evan was a family traitor of some kind, since he was very social, which opposes what the family seems to stand for. Lastly, I’ll mention my thoughts on Sean Kelly. I definitely believe that the crew of The Tundra killed him, but I also wonder if he was responsible for what was making the crew so antisocial, as that would explain why they started acting social after his death. It also makes me wonder whether or not I’m supposed to believe that the captain was involved or not….hm. Overall a good episode, I liked it, but there’s not much more to say on it.

Ok there is actually one other thing I did actually notice in retrospect. It’s very interesting to me that despite this being arguably the LEAST paranormal statement so far, despite the connections to The Lukas Family, Jon still seems very certain that something is weird here, more than he usually is. It really feels like everything with Jane has given him a new perspective…I’m scared…

- Episode 34, Anatomy Class 🍎

Statement of Dr. Lionel Elliot, regarding a series of events that took place during his class, ‘Introduction to Human Anatomy and Physiology’ at King’s College, London. Statement taken direct from subject.

So, fun fact, before I really got into TMA, this was one of the episodes I had heard mentioned here and there, and I knew nothing about it, other than the fact that people really seemed to like it. And now that I’ve finally listened to it myself, I can absolutely see why. Firstly, I’ll start off a bit by talking about Dr. Elliot, as I thought he was a pretty interesting character. I just kind of liked his general vibe, and his voice actor did a fantastic job at selling how distraught he was by the experience, although it does make me hope he’ll be ok after everything that happened to him. I also loved his conversation with Jon at the beginning (he’s awesome for respecting the tape recorder btw), and while it is a bit of a shame to see Jon go back to not really believing a case that much, I still felt like it was decently justifiable here, as the evidence admittedly isn’t the best. (Also his reaction to the apple was fantastic lmao.) But as for the actual statement, I agree with the common sentiment that it was…kind of cute? Like, don’t get me wrong, it is still a damn scary scenario. The weird shit the students get up to, the fact they are very clearly not human, their general vibe, and the implication that they killed a professor who failed to teach them are all horrifying, but…I don’t know, there’s some very real charm to this one as well. Like, even though their motives for wanting to seem more human are probably more sinister than this, I do like to imagine that they’re just wanting to relate to humans, so they decided to…enroll in college I guess. Like, if Dr. Elliot vibed with them more, this could have spun off into a very fun, slightly morbid college comedy. I do also love how genuinely polite they were as well, like, all of this considered, I absolutely get why people love this episode, it’s just genuinely very creative and a lot of fun. As for theories, honestly I don’t have that many, although someone in the YouTube comments (which by the way, I REALLY need to thank everyone there for being very resistant to spoiling, it means a whole lot for new listeners like myself), stated that there were some odd similarities between certain things that happened in this episode, and some of the stuff found in the bags in Episode 5. It makes me wonder if all of the bin bags contained discarded research materials being used by the students (which actually makes the art student jokes people were making in the comments even funnier in retrospect), and if the “him” Alan Parfitt came across was one of the students. Oh, and all of the bone imagery kind of reminds me of Episode 17 as well, and the teeth stuff kind of reminds me of Episode 10 (maybe the anatomy students are vampires…hm.) Outside of that, this was just a really fun and great episode, and I hope that Dr. Elliot comes back in the future just to see where this potential plot line could go.

- Episode 35, Old Passages 🔨

Statement of Harold Silvana, regarding discoveries made during the renovation of the Reform Club, Pall Mall.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I’M SCARED!!!!!!! Man, this final quarter has been REALLY solid so far, like, the fact that Hive, Anatomy Class, and now this are so close together is genuinely stunning. Once again, there is QUITE a bit to unpack here, so I’ll take it one step at a time. I’ll start by talking about the elements of the episode that are…less brainrot inducing, as that’s easiest to discuss. Firstly, I remember that Sasha mentioned a “Harold Silvana” case back in Episode 24, so it’s really cool to see that brought back here! But moving on from that neat little tidbit, I’ll start talking about the actual statement. Yeah this one was just really creepy. The story itself was a bit shorter than other statements, but it still did a good job at creating dread. The hallways underneath the club were genuinely very unnerving, and it was also sad to see Alfred die, I thought that Harold’s comment about there being little to no one to remember him was pretty depressing. I also do wonder if the reason the members of The Reform Club didn’t want the architects to get involved with it any further was because they were aware of the hallways, and maybe making use of the strange forces down there. I mean, it just feels kind of fitting to have a high society like faction be involved in some shady business, you know? Also, I noticed that Jon’s vocal delivery of Harold was quite in line with his usual voice, which just makes me feel like they would get along if they met, idk. But honestly, while I think that the basic plot of this episode is still good, it PALES in comparison to the amount of connections it provides. Firstly, Jurgen Leitner. This fucking guy. You know what, I think the guy who made the rant about him was right, why DOES he have so many fucked up books? I…genuinely don’t know what to think of this guy. On one hand, his irritable nature that’s displayed here, and his desire to have all of this dangerous literature do raise some red flags, but it’s also possible that he only wishes to keep these books safe from those who would use them from bad purposes, as there’s no real record of him doing anything bad with them. Still though…he unnerves me, but it was cool to finally have him actually appear in a statement. Secondly, GERARD KEAY LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO. I don’t even KNOW where this guy stands morally, but I just get happy whenever this weird little emo man shows up and I don’t know why. Anyways, I…think that this helps piece the timeline surrounding him together…a bit. What I can say for certain is that the Leitner he got here is the same one Mary Keay uses in Episode 4 (which might also be The Boneturner’s Tale, but I doubt it since that one revolves around bending already existing bones, while this one is about creating new ones), so it must have come into her hands some time after this episode. But outside of that, all of the things this episode did that surrounded him was just make me more intrigued, honestly. After Episode 12, I started to think that he was against some evil forces, like his mother and the other guy in the hospital, but that he probably still served his own forces (given the creepy eye symbolism, which I do believe is evil given the church in Episode 20 and the crypt in Episode 23), so he comes off as kind of an anti-villain to me. And this episode didn’t really change that, although I do question his motives for grabbing the Leitner. He’s seemingly been established to have a negative relationship with his mother as an adult, but given that he was younger here, I wonder if they were on better terms in the past, and he actually gave the Leitner to her out of his own will before a potential fall out. Eh, food for thought, I just think he’s really neat. (Making a cut because this is very long now.)

Thirdly, we have Robert Smirke. Firstly, I checked and he was indeed a real person! I’m very glad to see the podcast slightly demonize a British Museum architect, that feels deserved honestly. Ok, I say demonize because this guy built a bunch of terrifying hallways, but granted he could be good idk. Assigning characters strict moral alignments at this point is pretty hard tbh. Anyways, I don’t have that much to say about Smirke himself, other than that I think he was definitely involved with at least one of the major cults we’ve seen, and that he might have ties to some of the recurring creepy churches we’ve seen so far. …I might have to check if the real person actually worked on Hither Green Chapel or not, just in case. What does concern me is the hallways. Obviously, thirteen is a bad sign (I know it’s technically fourteen but like you get the idea, it’s framed as thirteen in the script when the architects enter the central room), but someone in the comments pointed out odd similarities between the hallways and previous episodes. Ones that stood out to me was one that was described as entirely dark, another with cobwebs in it, and the first corridor, which was described in an EERILY similar manner to Lost Johns’ Cave. I don’t know, it very well might just be me going insane, but I feel like the passages here are meant to reprisent certain…feelings throughout the series. Maybe not more sentient entities like, for example, The Anglerfish, but like, I could see a corridor similar to the weird foggy graveyard from Episode 13, or the dreams from Episode 11. Basically I think the passages are meant to connect to the more environmental horrors we’ve seen so far. It’s just…AGH THIS PODCAST IS DRIVING ME INSANE AND I’M BARELY COHERENT ANYMORE. Ok, I’ll wrap things up with some brief comments on the ending. Oh dear god the ending. Firstly, is it wrong that Jon’s surprise at the worms in his office made me jump more than anything else in the show so far? Like, considering how terrifying these statements are…that just feels like a disservice from me to the writers and directors, Idk. But secondly (ignoring the worms because I’ve gone on long enough about them)…Breekon and Hope…hi….oh no. They…they were very creepy…I’m guessing they’re twins because they’re very Shining-core to me….and considering that they are the same men who showed up in Episode 2 (or at least prominent to the delivery company those men were a part of)….I do not like the idea of them giving a package to Jon. Needless to say I do not want Jon to open that package. I think that is a bad idea. And I do not like how they encouraged Martin to turn off the recording. I…I think I’m going to go to bed now…

Speaking of bed, I’m sorry if this one wasn’t very coherent lmao. I’m just really tired right now and…yeah this podcast is pulling me into a very deep rabbit hole that I do not think I was prepared for as I thought I would be. Well, anyways, hopefully my incoherency at the very least makes it clear how insane I am about this episode. (Oh also I checked and no, Robert Smirke did not work on Hither Green Chapel, but I still find his work on churches interesting…)

- Episode 36, Taken Ill ✋

Statement of Nicole Baxter, regarding visits culminating in the fire that consumed Ivy Meadows Care Home in Woodley, Greater Manchester.

Unlike last episode, which is just making my brain spiral until it turns to goo, this one was definitely a bit more digestible. That being said…AAAAGUHFGHHGGHHHHHJJJJKKKKKKKKKNGDFGHHJJBFFHHJJNN!!!! I am in LOVE with how everything is coming together, it’s just, UGH it’s so satisfying! The amount of recurring elements, the fact that so many theories and bits of foreshadowing are being validated, it’s just…YES! I LOVE THIS PODCAST SO FUCKING MUCH AND I’M BOTH EXCITED AND TERRIFIED FOR THE END OF THE SEASON! JANE IS COMING HOME BITCHES!!!! Ok…sorry I just needed to get that out of my system, now I’ll talk about this depressing ass statement. Because yes, this one was really messed up! Seeing such a lovely sweet place where the people were able to find community even in their somewhat dire circumstances get absolutely torn apart by an even more terrifying version of death from rot and illness, which already majorly affects the elderly in real life….yeah it was upsetting! I mean, it was good, fantastic storytelling as always but DAMN. Also as someone who does have quite a notable fear of just…generally gross shit, this one did hit home quite a bit. The part where it’s implied Nicole cut off her own hand due to the constant pestilence coming back to haunt her (which did actually remind me of the history of the house on Hill Top Road, as well as the ghost spider…hm…), was genuinely kind of hard to stomach. Honestly the only thing about this episode that WASN’T terrifying was the humor of Nicole’s uncle keeping his estranged partner’s name in his business out of spite. That was actually very funny. So yeah, overall a very terrifying statement, but what about…✨the connections✨ (yeah they get the sparkles as well, who are you to judge). So starting with the obvious, the similarities to The Flesh Hive and Jane Prentiss. I do indeed think that the mysterious force here is either the same thing or something VERY adjacent to The Flesh Hive (but also the yellow shit in Episode 18), and that this episode 100% confirms that Jane isn’t being controlled or anything, but is dead, and the hive is just controlling her body now (which like, was already pretty obvious, but this just confirms it to me.) However, one thing that concerns me about these similarities more than anything else is John Amherst. From my point of view, it was implied that Mr. Amherst was consciously responsible for the spread of the illness, which is in stark contrast to Jane, who only started spreading her worms due to her infection and loss of sanity. This makes me thing that maybe John was somehow involved in getting the hive to absorb Jane, but really who knows? I do admittedly think it would be more interesting if Jane was chosen by the hive itself, but still, I think it would be interesting if her apotheosis was a part of some greater plot. Another thing that ties to Jane that I’m kind of curious about is Nicole’s opening words about fear, which Jon compares to Jane’s statement. It just got me thinking about some other theories which then made me think…what if the eldritch horrors that seem to be behind everything, the things that all of the cults worship, are meant to represent different fears. What if that’s what the different passages in Episode 35 represent (so like, claustrophobia for the first passage, and then stuff like the dark, falling and spiders for other ones.) This theory still needs a LOT of time to flesh itself out, but I’ll put a list of what I think some of the eldritch forces are after I write about the rest of the episode. I might be crazy, but given how “fear” is reoccurring throughout as a theme, more so than a lot of other horror, I have to wonder about this.

Ok, another thing that rattled my brain was…TREVOR THE FUCKING TRAMP? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD? At first I thought he and his companion might be The Fairchilds from Episode 21, but the reveal of his actual identity was a complete shock. Not that I’m complaining though, he’s one of my favorite statement givers so far. Either way, I’m very curious about his presence here, as well as the identity of his companion, and what role they might serve in the plot. Considering that it’s implied they burnt down the care home, and that Trevor hunts vampires for a living, I feel like these guys are probably trying to combat the horrors, but much like Gerard, I wonder if it’s for entirely moral purposes. And finally we have the ending. Oh boy the ending. I know I’m always saying “this is terrifying” or “the archives are in deep shit now” or something along those lines like…whenever ANYTHING relevant happens at the institute, but like, can you blame me? This is mortifying, I do not want my favorite workplace comedy cast to end up in grave danger, and yet I have to cope with the fact that they probably already are. So, the lighter isn’t the most concerning thing ever, I mean, the spider web pattern is interesting, and given the prominence of cigarettes (as well as Gerard’s lighter in Episode 12), I know I should be suspicious about it. But honestly? I’m more concerned about the table. Because…of course I am. I don’t know what this table does, I just know that it is creepy, that anything Breekon and Hope deliver is bad news, that the implication they gave it to Graham Folger is also terrifying, and that I do not like it’s presence in the artifact storage. Why I am I even saying this, of course I’m scared, you should already know that I am not prepared for whatever comes up in these last four episodes, and beyond. End recording or whatever the fuck.

Ok, so as promised here’s what I think some of ✨the horrors✨ are, and what episodes I think they might appear in

- The Anglerfish (1, 28)

- The Sky, I Guess (4, 21)

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36, maybe 18)

- The War Incarnate? (7)

- Heat aligned entity, called Asag? (8, 12, 18, 20)

- The darkness (9, 15, 25)

- Eyes (4, 12, 20, 23)

- Something aligned with isolation (13, 33)

- Bone Thing (4, 14, 17, 35) (This could be the same thing as the sky due to their connection with Leitners)

- Spiders (16, 22, 32, 35, 36 via the lighter)

- MEAT (18, 30)

- Whatever The Circus of The Other serves (24)

- “Micheal” (26, maybe 8?)

- And then probably something I’m missing due to the 14 corridors

I excluded some things like shapeshifters and vampires, since they seem to be species, Breekon and Hope, The Keay and Lukas Familes, Jurgen Leitner, etc., because they all seem to be servants of ✨the horrors✨ rather than horrors themselves (although I do think “Micheal” is an exception based on vibes alone), stuff like the table and the coffin, which are more like creepy artifacts than anything else, and then other stuff like whatever was trying to get inside Paul McKenzie’s room, which I just don’t know enough about. But…yeah! The ideas are very scattered right now, but I feel like I’m slowly piercing together what the horrific forces of this world might be (on the assumption that’s what we’re dealing with here, which I see no reason not to honestly)

UPDATE: Ok so after some thought I’m not too sure about the idea of ✨the horrors✨ literally representing different types of fear. I think that could still be the case with the passages, but the things I presume to be eldritch beings (like whatever is behind all the bones), while obviously not devoid of themes, are just a bit too specific for this to work. I still think the things I listed are likely to be big bad eldritch horrors, I just think I was a little bit off with what I think they represent, and I need to rethink my steps. Also, this is all on the assumption that there is more than one big evil here. I think it’s likely due to a lot of Gerard’s dialogue in Episode 12, but yeah…this theory only works if another theory is also true. Either way, I do think that the podcast will really delve into fear as a concept, and the psychology behind it, as time goes on, based on themes alone. Ok I’ve talked long enough, on to episode 37.

- Episode 37, Burnt Offering 🍼

Statement of Jason North, regarding the discovery of an alleged ritual site found near Loch Glass in Scotland.

If there was any episode that proves a shorter one isn’t necessarily a worse one, it was absolutely this. Because while the statement is short, and comparatively simple compared to a lot of others, DAMN. I really liked this one. However, I’ll start simple with the stuff that happened outside the statement. Firstly, man…poor Jon. It’s been really interesting but also…really sad seeing his mental state deteriorate over the course of the season, and I hope that he’ll at least be able to get some rest at some point in the near future, although it does feel like a storm is going to come soon. I also found Martin’s scene here interesting as well, as you can tell that he’s still feeling nervous after what happened in Episode 22, and that things haven’t exactly gotten better. The other thing of note is the table, which…yeah, it’s still worrying. I don’t know WHAT this thing does, although I do think it’s interesting that it shows up in an episode that seems to involve the heat related entity from Episode 12 and the Hill Top Road statements. This is because I strongly suspect that the box Ivo found beneath the tree belonged was actually the missing piece of the table, so I feel as if maybe it connects to the heat entity. This might also mean that Graham’s stress could’ve been due to the heat, as well as the monster that stole his identity, although I do have to question where exactly this would fit in with Episode 12. Still though, this does all intrigue me. I also find it curious that the box Ivo found contained an apple with spiders inside (which also kind of brings back thoughts about Episode 34), and that the other thing Breekon and Hope brought to Jon was a lighter with a spiderweb design on it. I’m connecting the dots! (I’m not connecting shit, am I.) But as for the statement…yikes. This is up there with Jane’s statement as being one of the most visceral, one where you really understand the mental state of the author. Like, you can FEEL Jason’s pain here, and having him get genuinely angry with the institute at the beginning was kind of chilling. Obviously it’s not the first time that’s happened, but usually the people who got angry with the institute were ones giving statements live, while here, you hear that anger coming from Jon’s mouth and it’s…off. Also, can I just say that this guy got screwed over so badly? He literally just dropped a bottle of old milk on the ground, and then as punishment he had his entire life literally set ablaze, and had to kill himself to protect his 4-year old son. That’s genuinely like…so fucked up and it’s not even something I can joke about! Really the only thing I can joke about is the mention of Pine Martins being tiny and adorable, which to me is meant to say that Martin Blackwood is tiny and adorable (if that wasn’t already obvious to me.) God I love Martin so much….What was I talking about? Oh yeah,✨the horrors✨. So I guess the only thing left to talk about now is connections.

Well, as I stated earlier, I think the eldritch entity associated with heat that has likely appeared multiple times before appears here as well, obviously. And if Ep. 12 didn’t already give me suspicions, this one absolutely solidified that there is a cult serving this entity. It doesn’t say much about the history of the house on Hill Top Road or what was going on with the man in the hospital, but it’s interesting nonetheless. But of course, the most interesting thing here is the bottles with pictures of Gertrude Robinson in them. …Oh dear. Firstly, I learned that this scene was actually inspired by the experiences of a real person on an old Rusty Quill forum, which is really cool! But aside from that, I’m wondering…is this meant to tell us how Gertrude died? I initially thought her presence here was meant to tell me that she might have been more evil than I initially thought, but now I’m kind of wondering if she was against the cult that serves the heat, and they killed, or at the very least attempted to kill her via a ritual in the woods. And if that’s the case, why not do the same with Gerard, who also seemed to be against this cult? Unless the brain tumor was somehow caused by the cult? I. HAVE. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS!!!! There are three episodes of this season left….aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA-

Unrelated side note: A thought that popped into my head earlier was that maybe Breekon and Hope were the people who stole the calliope organ in Episode 24. I mean, it seems in character based on what we know of them, and it did end up in artifact storage like the table…Also, I found Martin’s description of them really weird? Like, what do you MEAN they were normal, mother fuckers spoke like the twins from The Shining! AND WHO THE HELL IS ROSIE??!! Ok goodnight :).

- Episode 38, Lost and Found 🏺

Statement of André Ramao, regarding a series of misplaced objects lost over the course of three months.

Ok yes, the vase was absolutely a gaslighting homophobe, there, I SAID IT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! (Ok but in all seriousness I think the fact everyone agrees this is the vase’s motivation is absolutely hilarious, if it ends up being canon I will laugh my ass off.) Anyways, enough humor, because things are SERIOUS now. I’ll give my overall thoughts on the statement first. Honestly, when you remove the absurd nature of what’s going on, this one was genuinely very visceral and heartbreaking. I’ve seen people say that this one is a commentary on the fear of losing things, and while I absolutely agree, the main takeaway I got was the commentary on materialism, and how if you place too much value on material possessions you will lose the things you truly cherish. I think you can really tell that through the way André treats his husband through the story. Like, he talks about getting into a fight with him, and being angry when he started trying to contact doctors, and while I’m sure there was obviously love there, I don’t think André realized how much his husband mattered to him until it was too late. It’s not the most subversive or complex metaphor of all time, but I still think it really works and that it’s pretty damn powerful. It hurts even more with how he does eventually get all of those material possessions back, but still loses his husband. And while I COULD complain about the show’s first somewhat prominent gay couple being buried, I know that’s it’s not because of their sexuality, but because it’s the fucking Magnus Archives, where no happiness is allowed. I also find it concerning that André knows the vase is still stealing things (…writing that down really puts into perspective how nutty this podcast can be), it makes me wonder if it might be in the artifact storage somewhere…oh no. Mentioning artifact storage, what about Mikaele Salesa? So, I checked to see if he appeared in any previous episodes, and he did, back in Episode 14! Unfortunately, that doesn’t really give us much information on him outside of his appearance, but it does prove to me that he’s at least somewhat important. I will say that he really did remind me a lot of Breekon and Hope, which does make me wonder if there’s a connection between them. The only thing that I found to be a very notable difference is that Mikaele has some level of fear towards ✨the horrors✨, while Breekon and Hope seem do be in direct service of them. That doesn’t necessarily make Mikaele a good person, I mean, I definitely think that he knew about the vase, but just pretended not to to save his own skin, but he might not be like…an evil mastermind that wants to spread ✨the horrors✨ wherever he goes, which I get the vibe of from a lot of other characters. But outside of that, there were a good few odd similarities to other episodes. I found it interesting that the war-related items in Mikaele’s warehouse were from The American Revolution and World War 1 respectively, as those are the wars that the only war-related episodes so far have taken place in (those being 7 and 29.) I also definitely think that Mikaele had Leitners in his possession, and I felt like the description of the vase’s pattern was very similar to that of the table, which should be more relevant than ever. Some other things that the vase reminded me of was the impersonator from Episode 3, what with the way that it successfully gaslights everyone aside from the statement giver and…debatably the archival staff, although I don’t think they count since as far as I’m concerned none of them were directly involved with the events of these statements. I initially thought that the creepy hand was supposed to be David, but someone in the YouTube comments said that it could be the same hand from Episode 15, which is….concerning, given how scary that one was. I do wonder if that means this statement connects back to The People’s Church of The Divine Host though, since I felt like that was involved with Episode 15. But with all of that out of the way, there’s the end of the episode. I am hyperventilating so bad.

So yeah….Jane came home I guess. I’m…very interested to see whatever happens in the next episode. All I know is that I’m absolutely in what you’d consider the season finale now. I do have a couple of thoughts here, outside of just being terrified. Because obviously, the way that Jon just smashed that spider is very similar to the events of Episode 16, which brings multiple concerns. Firstly, I initially thought that Jon’s decision to kill it was a bit stupid given his knowledge of that statement, but then I remembered that it was almost as if an external force was compelling Carlos Vittery to kill that spider, so I assume the same thing happened to Jon. And if so….please don’t wrap my boy’s corpse up in webs :(. Secondly, since the killing of the spider causes the worms to conveniently burst in, I wonder if that was why the mysterious force was compelling Carlos to kill the spider. I mean, the worms WERE in his apartment, so maybe killing the ghost spider (which I assume is the same one we see here) is somehow capable of summoning the worms, meaning that….Carlos Vittery could be a part of The Flesh Hive?! Or at least there was an attempt to make that happen like with Harriet Lee? …Sometimes the connections really make my brain melt. And finally, I’m now wondering if the reason as to why the spider even showed up was due to the lighter Jon received from Breekon and Hope, since it had a spiderweb design on it. I mean, they obviously have a knack for giving people things that lures ✨the horrors✨ to them, so I would not be that surprised if this theory ends up being correct. (Also, if Jon was to set the worms on fire with the very same lighter that might have summoned them to him…that would be a massive power move that would make me very happy.) But more than anything, this just gets me thinking even more about that damn table. WHY IS IT HERE? IS IT GOING TO SUMMON THE HEAT TO GET RID OF THE WORMS? DOES THAT MAKE BREEKON AND HOPE A NEUTRAL PARTY IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS? AM I EVER GOING TO GET ANSWERS?! …..I’m not prepared for this season finale.

do you think this is what the vase looked like

- Episode 39, Infestation 🧯

Original recording of Jane Prentiss’ attack upon The Magnus Institute, London.

WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MINDS DECIDED THAT YOU CAN JUST END THE EPISODE LIKE THAT?! LIKE, IN RETROSPECT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS THAT THE SEASON FINALE WOULD BE A TWO-PARTER BUT GOOOOOOOODD!!!! So fun fact, I was so scared going in to this episode that I took two days off listening to mentally prepare myself, and even after that…THIS ONE SCARED ME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!!! Did I like it? Absolutely! It’s at the very least in my top 4 episodes, in fact, I think it might only be barely beaten by Episode 32, and it’s very close competition. As someone who’s really liked all of the stuff that happens in the institute, and with the institute staff, this episode was a dream come true, and with the way things are being set up, I’m really excited by the prospect of there being more episodes like this in the future seasons. But…jfc. This is….a LOT. Now, due to the fact that this episode is structured very differently than anything else before it, and because I have so much to say, I’m just going to dedicate different paragraphs to a specific recording each, so I can make my thoughts clear and concise. Starting with…

The second recording. Look, the first one is basically a bunch of chaotic screaming and worms, I don’t know what else you would expect me to say. So the first thing I want to address is that we finally get to see members of the archival staff interacting as a group. I already did feel like their comments on one another give a good look at their dynamic, but it was nice to see it in person, despite the horrific and perilous situation they’re in :). But what are some other things. Well, even though this is shown in later recordings in the episode, I’ll just put it here that I really like how Martin is characterized here. The scene with him in Episode 37, as well as most of his scenes here really do show a new level of confidence and just flesh him out really nicely. There’s some morbid humor in him carrying around a corkscrew to get rid of the worms, and…yeah! I just really like him, he’s definitely one of my favorite characters so far. The main beef of this recording however is the stuff we get from Jon. Not only is the overarching theme of the episode, that being the desire to be remembered, conveyed really well through his dialogue here, but it felt like this scene came with some…nice closure, I guess. We’ve seen Jon become less and less skeptical as time goes on, especially in this final fourth of the season, but it felt really gratifying for him to just straight up admit that what’s happening is real. But there were also quite a couple of intriguing things that he said. Firstly is his comments about Gertrude. He makes the suggestion that she could potentially be alive, and while I doubt that due to her presence in Antonio’s dreams, and the fact that her supposed date of death was when The People’s Church of The Divine Host did a creepy ritual, it does just make me more curious about what truly happened to her. All things considered, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that ghosts exist in this universe so…I don’t know, maybe we’ll see her come back in a way, but I don’t think she’s…entirely alive. The other curious thing was the reveal about the statements. We already knew that something prevented them from being uploaded to computers, but now we know that this only applies to statements that are real. This not only means that Jon has…basically no excuse at this point to be a skeptic, but that I am getting VERY curious about the tapes and the statements on a fundamental level. I’ll touch on it a bit more later, but it does feel like there’s more to the framing device of the podcast itself here than meets the eye, and it is EXCITING me. Anyways, on to the next recording. (I’m still just contemplating that THIS episode came after the homophobic vase one. Holy shit.)

Tim….please never die. I mean, I know it’s funny that I say that since he was VERY close to death here (and could still die in the next one but like…I doubt it because of the fact we already probably have one major death…I’ll touch on that later…), and also because I’ve only known him for two episodes but like…he’s so cool man I can’t help it. “Statement of Joe Spooky regarding sinister happenings” is by far the funniest line in the podcast so far, perfect for the season finale, and…I WAS SO WORRIED FOR HIM UAAAAAGGGHHH!!! Like, the death flags were hoisted HIGH, so I’m glad he survived this episode….even if it probably came at the expense of another character, unfortunately. Ok, I’ll get to that when I get to that. Really not much more to say here other than “Tim is funny and I’m scared”, although hey! It’s Jane! I mean it’s really cool to finally hear her voice but she had one line so I don’t know what else to add. Regardless, time for the kind of wholesome but also ominous as shit recording!

Look, while they are obviously still in peril, while there are certainly some very concerning implications here, while they are still arguing…this one was kind of nice. Obviously Jon and Martin are very different people, and are still quite a ways off from sorting out all of their differences, but…this was very nice. Considering how much Jon belittles Martin in early S1, having him talk to him like this, in a situation where they are both equals, it’s genuinely very gratifying, and probably the most earnest Jon has ever been, as well as the most confident Martin has ever been. Obviously I love it when Jon is a mean asshole and when Martin is just a little guy, but this felt like really good character development for both of them. But outside of that, the most interesting thing here is a look into Jon’s psyche, and why he acts a skeptical as he does. Firstly, the fact that he actually joined the institute due to a genuine belief in the paranormal does make me wonder…what the hell happened to him. I mean, the institute doesn’t seem like the most fun place to work at in the world, nor the most mainstream, so like…I’m getting a lot more curious about Jon’s past now, and the same goes for Martin’s, maybe even more since we learn even less about his reasons for joining the institute than with Jon, and more about his reasons for staying there after Jane forced him into hiding. But obviously, the most ominous thing to me here was how Jon said he felt like he was being…watched. This could mean…genuinely so many things, but to me, I felt like the meaning was a PERSONAL ATTACK. Like, it doesn’t HAVE to be, but given that the podcast already has some decent potential for meta elements, are…are they trying to say that I’M the one tormenting Jon?! Because, like…yeah, I have wanted to see him start admitting that the statements are real! And I have been watching him! (or I guess listening, but…shut up…) In fact, it’s especially damning for someone like me, because I don’t listen to TMA in the background or anything, I sit my ass down, stare at the screen and start taking notes. I…I don’t know where this whole thing will go but for now I’m offended. (But like, if this metaphor ends up being true that I must say…that is some BRILLIANT writing.) There was also Jane’s weird actions here, with how she was seemingly destroying statements and papers. This isn’t exactly surprising, after all, she did suggest that the reason The Flesh Hive wants Jon dead is because as an archivist, his job is to understand things, which the hive seemingly doesn’t want unless it opens its arms to someone directly (very finally fitting if I might add), but still…it’s curious to me. Considering how this whole recording gets you to think about what’s up with the statements, I feel like maybe The Flesh Hive knows a bit more than others do… Finally, we have the ghost conversation, which is really funny and a great character moment for Jon and especially Martin, but like…what if though…what if…

ELIAS BOUCHARD IS A SKETCHY ASS MAN. This guy has only shown up ONCE before this episode, and when he finally returns he is…unnervingly chill about the whole situation. Like, he is just…NOT concerned about the attack, he seems a tad bit too comfortable with the prospect of Jon and Martin dying via C02, and he’s just…he’s just really fucking sketchy. I can’t remember if I’ve stated it before, but from what we’ve seen and heard of him, I’ve always gotten the vibes that Elias knows a lot more than he lets on. Like, in the way that he’s been working at the institute long enough to know that there’s something really weird about it, (which btw, thinking about how weird the institute is does really get me thinking about it’s founding a lot more…my brain is melting…) and he wants to stay away from the weird shit as far as possible. Some suspicious things with him are his reluctance to antagonize The Lukas Family which is…understandable, I guess, if they help keep the institute around, but then there’s the fact that he clearly knows more about Gertrude than everyone else, but is being REALLY quiet about it, exemplified via what Jon says about him in Episode 11. And then there’s the fact that later on, Sasha mentions how he has a tendency to change the subject and…yeah…I don’t know how to feel about him. Honestly all I have to say about this recording corresponds with Elias, so I’ll just move on to the next one.

Ok, so since these recordings are pretty short, and Sasha’s last one is….woah…I’m just going to cover the last two that have Jon and Tim in them briefly here. As expected, Tim continues to be comedy gold. Him bursting through the wall and being super chill (and not in the creepy Elias way) was honestly just want I needed. I did NOT need him pulling…something off though, but…whatever. Also the reveal of Martin recording poetry was fantastic, I need that to be a spin-off ASAP. Magnus Protocol? Never heard of it. The men of the archives are the only men to ever exist and they all deserve their own show. Anyways, after Tim completes his re-enactment of The Shining, they head into the tunnels (which I did not know were a thing), and I get scared yet again. I…am very concerned for Martin, I do not like how he ran off, and I do not like the noises that play at the end of the episode. That is all I have to say here. This is an absolutely terrifying way to end the episode, but it is frustrating in the best way, and if I wasn’t shaking as I write this I would have immediately jumped to the next episode. But…there is one other scene, one that honestly, would’ve worked just as well, if not BETTER, as an ending to the episode. That is, of course, the one scene that has terrified me more than anything else in the podcast so far. The scene that stars:

That. Mother. Fucking. Table. I thought it was at least…somewhat safe. I thought that it would tie into…Hill Top Road, or something, that it would just be something for Jon to glean some information from later on! But I was a fool. I should’ve known that the Anatomy Class shenanigans were (probably) foreshadowing. I should’ve known that the GOD DAMN IMPERSONATOR WAS COMING BACK. JON! WHY DIDN’T YOU DESTROY IT YOU VICTORIAN BUFFOON?! I’m…I’m fucking shook man. I might have been fearful for Tim but…for a split second there, I thought everyone would make it out alive. I mean, we’ve seen Sasha in like, what, three episodes before this, and she only starred in one? She had to live so that we’d see more of her! But no…I got completely blindsided. Sasha James, this really cool character who I wanted to see succeed after her encounter with Bonyhands McGee, is most likely dead. It might sound like I’m genuinely upset with the decision, and while I’m absolutely sad and terrified, I do think they can go really interesting places with this. I mean, I’m going on the assumption that what happened to her is what happened to Graham Folger in Episode 3, meaning that we know have something impersonating her, meaning that she could be explored even after her presumed death. On top of that, like…what if the effect of no one recognizing a difference between the OG Graham and the “Not Graham” applies to Sasha! Because if so, this could be a genius example of having characters figure out something long after the audience being done really well! But overall…I’m mortified. As cool as these prospects are, there’s still a glimmer of hope in me that Sasha survives, that the archival team can deal with that fucking table as soon as possible. Which, by the way, I’m genuinely mad at myself for not catching on to that at first. I initially thought that the table had nothing to do with the main plot of Episode 3, outside of maybe increasing Graham’s paranoia, and that it was meant to foreshadow future events that tied into…idk, the house on Hill Top Road, given the box inside the tree. But nope! Apparently wherever the table goes, the impersonator follows! And if she is dead…man, I don’t know whether or not it’s a good thing that the thing she was afraid of dying from was not the one that killed her in the end… Outside of that, I mean, yeah, artifact storage was creepy as all hell, Sasha’s monologue made me go through five different emotions in the span of like…two minutes, and that one part, holy shit that one part. Hearing that weird noise, Sasha’s scream, and then a new voice repeating her last words it’s…uggghjhehehehjejejejjewjjekekwkekkdkwkekek. Wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I-

So..yeah. Good episode…I guess. I’m really scared. For everyone, Sasha especially. For everything, my sanity especially. I do not like the name of that season finale, it’s looking at me funny. I….I…I think I’m just going to go saw my foot off or something, maybe that’ll take my mind off of things. See you for the season finale! :,)

- Episode 40, Human Remains 🩹

Statements of Elias Bouchard, Tim Stoker, Sasha James, Martin Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, regarding the infestation of the Magnus Institute by the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss. Statements taken direct from subjects.

*Sigh*. I have listened to 40 episodes of this god-forsaken, trauma inducing podcast. I have stayed up at night wildly speculating about the connections between episodes, trying to solve the greater mystery. And for what? Well, I regret to inform you that, in the end, it was all for…A FANTASTIC SEASON FINALE. HOLY SHIT I’M SO EXCITED TO LISTEN TO SEASON 2 YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I mean, I’m obviously terrified, what with the amount of setup here, the cold realization that ✨the horrors✨ are somehow just going to affect the main cast more and more in the future, and…so much more, but WOW. This finale absolutely delivered and if I wasn’t already on board to see how the rest of the podcast plays out, I absolutely NEED to know now. So, like with last time, I’m going to divide my thoughts via the multiple parts this episode is divided into, so I’ll be going over each person’s statement. And let me tell you…there is some stuff to discuss. Starting off with my favorite(?) enigmatic CEO, Elias Bouchard!

So yeah, Elias is still sketchy as fuck. Oddly enough, despite this being the most time spent with him so far, which don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy about, but…yeah, I still don’t trust him all that much. I guess I’ll start off by talking about some of the general information revealed here. So firstly, no one’s really doing all that well! I mean, it’s expected, but still, I feel really bad for everyone here. You can tell in the opening how scarred Jon is by what happened (both mentally and physically)…which makes Elias’ relative chillness all the more strange. Also, while it is once again pretty obvious, I would just like to pay some respects to the absolute queen that was Jane Prentiss. Rest in relative peace Jane, I hope you’re getting people to join the hive in…well not heaven, she’s probably gone to superhell, but…yeah. Still kind of sad she only got one line from her own mouth. But back to Elias, there are two things he said that really came off as…like, especially odd. Firstly is how he said he got tired of what Jon was saying about the statements. This is weird because like…that’s his job? That Elias hires him to do? It really does add to the vibe that he knows of ✨the horrors✨, but is actively trying to avoid them as much as possible. It feels like they’re setting up an interesting parallel between him and Jon, who looks like he’s going to really start connecting the dots in Season 2. It also just kind of made me think about the implications of something…watching Jon, and it wanting him to admit the statements are real, since Elias seems to specifically be annoyed by Jon’s recent lack of doubt, at least in my eyes. But the other thing that really unnerved me here was what he had to say about Gertrude. His reluctance to talk about her death is one thing, but the fact that he says he found the blood-covered office on March 15, when in Episode 25 Jon says she was declared dead on May 15, is…just really strange. It could be a discrepancy on the writer’s part but…I don’t know, it feels like one of them has to be wrong here. And either way, since they retconned past discrepancies in the opening of Episode 33, they could absolutely work with that here. So yeah, not much more to add other than that I don’t trust Elias.

Poor Tim :(. The guy has been so funny and chipper in all of his past appearances, but here you could feel how beat down he was. After getting worms in his skin and having to spend more time in quarantine simply for being funny, this guy just can’t catch a break! I mean, I’m happy he’s alive, because I was genuinely very scared for his life in the last episode but…man, his last words in this episode really did sting. Anyways, the main takeaway from this statement is the info on the tunnels. This is…really creepy and I’m sure we’ll get a deeper look into it in Season 2, as this whole episode feels full of setup for what’s to come very soon, but for now they are just a very strange place. The way their ancient architecture is described, the worms’ behavior down there, and the…door they were trying to form? What else is even in there? Hell, is this why The Flesh Hive really wanted to attack the institute? To discover some secret in the tunnels? I don’t know, but I care a LOT.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no NO! THE WORST HAS COME TO PASS! The chances of her survival was slim, but I had the smallest sliver of hope that she would survive, but NO! Sasha’s gone UUUUUUUUAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!! What makes it so much worse is that WE KNOW, we’ve heard Sasha’s original voice, we’ve gotten a sense of her general vibe, the new her has creepy music in the background whenever she speaks, HER NAME IS LITERALLY “NOT!SASHA” IN THE FUCKING CREDITS. But Jon, Tim, Martin, they don’t! They don’t know, and I’ll be stuck having to watch them hang out with a monster that killed their friend for who knows how long! It’s excellent storytelling but GOOOOOD I’M SO SAD. And Not!Sasha herself, I mean…holy shit. She’s absolutely uncanny and terrifying, the fact that her tone and vibe are so noticeably different from the real Sasha, how she always responds with a “yes” to Jon, how she points out extremely obvious things, how she just…seems unfamiliar with things she should know about, just everything, it’s just so fucking scary! She’s just so..matter of fact, she’s like a robot in comparison to the real person. Honestly, her manner of speech is very in line with how I imagined the anatomy students sounding. But there are a lot of other weird things about this scene. Firstly, I think it’s curious that when “Micheal” is mentioned, Not!Sasha refers to him (and yes, I noticed she uses he/him, unlike OG Sasha who used it/its) as the one with “all the bones in his hands” which…almost perfectly lines up with what Ivo’s father said. I had my doubts about that theory, but now I feel pretty convinced by it. That just leaves me thinking about what connection he might have to the fractals. Now that I think about it, fractals kind of line up with the descriptions of strange patterns that have shown up, like the one on the table. And…well, given what happened, I can’t help but wonder if “Micheal” and Not!Sasha have a deeper connection to each other, especially since this is the first time he’s been brought up since Episode 26. (Maybe he’s impersonating the real Micheal…oh no that’s a whole new can of worms, pun not intended). Another thing is how Not!Sasha says Elias gave her a strange look. …THE MOTHERFUCKER KNOWS!!! WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?! WHY?! Lastly, there’s some of the discrepancies that Not!Sasha has failed to avoid. Firstly, she should’ve been scarred by the worms like Jon and Tim but just…isn’t. Secondly, even though Jon doesn’t remember the original Sasha (which is…even more depressing when I put it into words…), he’s astute enough to realize that something is off with her. And finally, there’s the matter of the missing tapes. I checked, and they are indeed all of the tapes that Sasha appeared on. I think it’s likely Not!Sasha took them to learn about the role she has to play, but since there’s certainly something weird about the tapes, and this theme of truth being recorded on them…I have to wonder if she maybe stole them because the original Sasha’s voice is still on them, and you can straight up hear Sasha dying and being replaced on the one from Episode 39. With the logic presented in Episode 3, Sasha’s voice on the tapes should be replaced by that of Not!Sasha, but when you consider the framing device of the audience being people listening to these tapes, and the general weird things at play…I’m concerned. I think…I think Jon needs to get those tapes back as soon as possible. In short, I am very scared of the new archival assistant, and her mysterious connections.

MARTIN MY BELOVED!!! How is it legal for someone to be this sweet, he was genuinely so worried for Jon and I just want to give him a hug he’s so nice :(. But ultimately, as much as I feel for him, Martin is not the main focus here. The strange objects in the tunnels are not the main focus. The main focus here is the human remains. The remains of Gertrude Robinson. Wow. I…honestly thought it was going to take longer for her fate to come to light. I mean, there is still a lot that is obviously unknown, but to have her down here, confirmed to be dead, confirmed to be MURDERED…it’s making my brain go in so many directions. I guess I’ll start with the room she was found in. It’s…very concerning how similar it is to the archives. I don’t even know what it’s supposed to mean? Does it signify that the institute was built upon an older institute somehow? Are we not even going to bother checking out the tapes she left down there? I NEED TO KNOW. And, then, I mean, god the way she died. I was so convinced by all of the clues that she died some sort of gruesome eldritch fate, but hearing that she was simply shot…why is that so much more haunting. I mean, I have to assume there were still some weird circumstances surrounding her death as a whole, given clues in Episode 11 and Episode 25, but…it’s very concerning. And then there’s Jon’s words about this. Does that…DOES THAT MEAN THAT SEASON 2 IS A FUCKING MURDER MYSTERY?! BECAUSE I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT! Look, assuming that the murderer is indeed someone in the institute (which I say because Gertrude does seem to have made a good few enemies in her lifetime), then my fingers are already pointed at Elias due to how sketchy he is, but honestly…I’m afraid this is just another mystery that I don’t have to energy to fully crack right now. And Jon’s words at the end…please tell me he doesn’t resort to doing very stupid things that endanger his own life for the sake of the truth. Oh who am I kidding he probably will. But…wow, I’m just…I’m just so excited for Season 2.

So yeah…that’s Season 1 of The Magnus Archives. The fact that I already feel changed by this series, both for better and for worse, within the first season…it just gets me so excited and mortified all at once. There’s still so much story potential, so many mysteries to be solved, and I can’t wait to hear it all for myself. Honestly, the fact that there’s so many plot lines, and the only one to be kind of resolved The Flesh Hive and Jane Prentiss arc…that’s insane. So, I’m just going to leave a list of things I want answers on down here.

- The Anglerfish

- Breekon and Hope

- The Table and The Impersenator

- The Keay Family

- Micheal Crew

- Jurgen Leitner and his fucked up books

- The house on Hill Top Road

- The Heat Entity and its cult

- The People’s Church of The Divine Host

- Trevor Herbert and his companion

- Antonio Blake

- The Eyes

- The Lukas Family

- Mikaele Salesa

- The Meat

- The Spiders and The Lighter

- The Fairchilds

- Jonah Magnus and the founding of The Institute

- The Circus of The Other

- “Micheal” and The Fractals

- The true nature of The Flesh Hive

- Robert Smirke and his passages

- John Amherst and the infection

- The backstories of the main cast

- The death of Gertrude Robinson

- And finally, what the hell is going to happen next?

So, there’s a wrap on Season 1? Do I expect all of these questions to be answered in the next season? Absolutely not. Do I want all of them to be answered eventually? Yeah probably. If you’ve made it this far, thank you so, SO much. Like, you genuinely deserve an award for reading all of my insane rambling. I’ll be back with my thoughts on the first 10 episodes of Season 2 in due time, but for now, thank you and bye :).

[sunsafewriting]

Do A Flip - chapter 5

After leaving St Michael’s, Ava does everything she can to support Diego, including taking him to extracurriculars. Beatrice is his aikido instructor, and it changes everything.

chapter excerpt:

Miguel. 

He finds Ava sitting in the shade under a large tree. She’s slumped back against the trunk, arms folded over her chest, legs stretched out in front of her. 

He drops down beside her — leaving a gap, because they’re both kind of gross and sweaty from the last few hours of manual labour — and follows her gaze. She’s watching Beatrice and Diego across the courtyard, where they seem to be embroiled in some kind of debate. If Miguel had to guess, he’d say it’s round two of the can I climb the trellis? negotiations that Diego has already lost once. 

Ava seems content to rest in silence, but Miguel’s been waiting patiently for his opportunity to tease her, and he’s absolutely not going to let it slide. 

"How’s your foot?" he asks, all innocence. Okay, maybe half, one-third, one-quarter innocence. 

Ava elbows him in the ribs — more gently than he deserves. And she’s smirking, so he knows that he’s not really bothering her. "Sore," she says. "But fine. The flowerpot wasn’t that heavy." 

He grins. He’s not going to let her live this down for a while, and he suspects that Mary won’t either. "And how’s your pride?" 

"Just fine," she tells him. "It may surprise you to hear this, Miguel, but today was not the first time something like that has happened to me." 

"Maybe you should do a better job keeping Beatrice away from the fifty-pound bags of gravel, then."

"Unfortunately, she can look hot doing anything," Ava complains, plucking a piece of grass from the dirt and tearing it in half, then in half again. "I’ll never be safe." 

"Tough break, Silva."

"It’s rough."

"Yup. But I’m told that God never gives us more than we can handle," he says. 

It’s the sort of mildly sacreligious joke that would normally go down well with Ava, but he doesn’t get a response. 

In fact, she’s frowning, attention fixed on where Beatrice has successfully distracted Diego from the trellis, redirecting him by showing him how to plant one of the new baby saplings in the ground. They’re kneeled down together, on opposite sides of the plant, and Diego’s head is tilted in careful concentration while Beatrice explains what they’re doing. 

"Ava? Are you —"

"Do you think he does, though, sometimes?" Ava blurts. 

"Huh?"

"God. Like, I don't believe in any of it, but — but say that I did." She squirms nervously, twisting the material of her shirt in her hands. "Do you think that sometimes God, or the universe, or whatever, really does send you more than you can handle?"

And they’re obviously not talking about Ava's inability to be chill about Beatrice's biceps anymore, but he has no idea how this got away from him. 

Apparently Ava doesn’t either, judging by the humourless way she laughs, how she waves a hand vaguely. 

"Sorry," she says. "I feel a bit weird. Maybe I have heatstroke." 

And that would be easy to turn into a joke, and probably Ava even wants him to, but he won’t. "What do you mean?"

She draws her knees up to her chest and winds her arms around them, as though it’s important to be as small as possible for this. "I just — for a long time, I didn’t have anything in my life go well. Like, at all. And that’s — I get it. Luck of the draw, right? You keep rolling." She shrugs. Sharply. "But this last while, it’s like things can’t seem to stop going well. I have Diego and Beatrice and my friends, and the bar, and college, and it's all working out for me right now."

"Sounds like maybe you earned a break. And you're getting it," he replies.

She puffs out a breath. "And how long does the break last?"

"Ava —"

"I have, like, everything I've ever wanted. Do you know how crazy that is? What if I fuck it up?"

"You won't fuck it up," Miguel assures her. "You might fuck up, every now and then, but you're not going to fuck it up. Your life, I mean. You know that it's going well because of you, right, Ava? Because you're great, and people love you?"

She fidgets, then cracks a deliberate smile. "I am pretty spectacular."

"Yeah. And besides, not that it's really the point, or whatever, but you don't have everything you ever wanted, actually." It’s likely not the best approach to take, but Miguel’s not a licensed therapist. Solve the most obvious problem in front of you: that’s his motto. 

"You and I both know that the odds of a Jurassic Park ever —"

"Not that," he says, rolling his eyes. "I mean Beatrice. And your — well. That whole thing. Pretty sure you wouldn't be dropping flower pots if you'd sorted that out."

"Nah, I still would be," Ava declares, with so much exasperated confidence that he doesn't question it. "But you make a good point, I guess. I just — sometimes it's like I can feel this whole awesome future hinging around me. And if I drop the ball, it all goes away."

"It wouldn't," he promises. "If you dropped the ball, Beatrice would pick it up. Or I'd pick it up. Or one of your other friends would."

Ava nods. "I know that. In my head of heads." It’s an odd expression, but Ava's full of odd expressions. 

"And I can prove it to you. Sort of," Miguel says, because right at that moment, Beatrice is past them. She’s holding a watering can, making her way towards the garden tap, and looking over at them far less than she would look over at Ava in any other context. 

He hopes that one day, once she and Ava are together for real, she starts to like him a bit more, because he really likes her. 

"Hey, Beatrice!" he hollers. 

She stops, turns to them. "Yes?"

"What would you do if Ava blew up your apartment?" Arguably the most substantial dropping of the ball it is possible for one person to achieve. 

Beatrice’s eyebrow arches up. "We don't have the necessary materials at our apartment for an explosion. The most she could manage is a reasonably-sized oil fire."

"Just say she blew it up. The whole thing. Everything in it."

"Is this one of those riddles?"

According to Ava, Diego has been going through something of a trick question phase lately, so perhaps Beatrice is right to be wary. 

"It's not a riddle," he promises. 

"Well, I suppose we'd have to get a new apartment, wouldn't we?" she says. "And new things. Although Ava tells me her Loch Ness monster ladle is irreplaceable."

"Just because you can buy another one online doesn't mean it's the same," Ava insists. 

"And we'd also have to make sure you didn't go to prison for arson or insurance fraud or whatever inspired you," Beatrice lists off. 

Ava grins. "Are you saying you’d have to get me off on charges of — wait, that I’d have to get off on — okay, give me a second, I’m nearly there —" 

"That’s what she said," Beatrice supplies, in a tone so dry that it takes Miguel a beat to process that she’s being playful. 

Ava experiences no such delay: she glows brilliantly, all at once. "Oh my god. I’m such a good influence on you. Twelve years of Catholic education can’t touch this," she declares, preening.

Miguel can think of about six comments in response to that , but even though Ava would certainly find them hilarious, he doesn’t think Beatrice would. 

[spotsupstuff]

I'VE COME TO RELIEVE YOU FROM THE HOARDE OF BEPPI LOVERS

this is your free ramble pass! feel free to use this ask as an excuse to ramble about whatever random crap you feel like rambling about

hmm..... how about... broadening the worldbuilding horizons a lil with some of the filler Iterators. here's the list of names that i'm slowly workin on to develop into enough of people for my tastes

most well defined of these rn are: Orion, Spore, Gem, Expiation, Rustle, NAE NAE BITCH (Embrace), Vapor and kind of Sadness

with Presence being... finished on account of literally being just IKEA memes the Iterator. that was sister's idea, not mine jglksdmcklsd he's a hippie during the day, creepy fuck during the night. one never knows what's goin on with him, but he's usually sweet n helpful. probably stands in dark hallways with a knife in hand right next to Notos tho. it also has a knife in hand

Orion's Pathway is slowly gaining on importance and characterization!

(quick concept doodle, very much subject to change yet but the mark is most likely gon stay)

he's the 3rd eldest Iterator of the Eo group, finished and brought online about 190 years (Or Honestly More, Fuckers Big n it is all very early on yet) after Boreas' construction. bein the Third means he actually got to socialize with Boreas' antisocial bum (and Zephyr too). all of the Iterator social business that Boreas doesn't wanna deal with he throws at This Kid until Euros comes around. then the two get to share Boreas' "i really don't wanna do this, here you kids go" shit

Orion might look all cool and stuff, but the idea of him wasn't actually even born out of the constellation/myth originally! the idea and also color palette all (will) come from the czech chocolate by the same name

fuckin Love this shit. and just like Orion Chocolate Shop's milk chocolate, Orion's Pathway is a sweet, soft kid that is just a delight to interact with. unlike Boreas, he's an actual angel without any blemishes. he's like the Prince Charming (cinderella 3) of the Iterators... he looks up to ol' Bee a lot <3 his voice claim is Ebucs as of rn

Orion is positioned here on the map (aaaand das Spore right under him <3):

which is Important cuz this darling fucker actually has lore that is very location specific

he serves as something of a physical border/something of a custom office(???) to the Frost's Promise group. works well with how much of a geographical choke point that there is. originally, this wasn't the case including his whole helmet look, but if u caught the whisper of that one war with Iterators in it that i mentioned, then this was it. that changed Orion from a regular Iterator to something of a border guard. the war was between the Ancients of the Eo group and the Frost's Promise group. it happened in the first quarter of Gen 2 ages, so Fish was already around but not Euros

he doesn't actually have a sword n a shield with his puppet, that is mostly mural and such stuff, but the helmet was added to make him look inspiring to his citizens n intimidating to the enemy whenever his image would be projected for whatever reason

he's also something of an old school Phone Operator and had the unofficial title of being the Chief of it just because of his age. after Euros shows up and gets the full hang of the communication systems + handling of the Aeolus Root, most of all Orion's Phone Operator privilages are stripped from him ("oh thank the void." he says, overworked and tired and so excited to get some time for himself. this little hyperactive red fuck is gonna handle it all Just Fine)

stuff for some other filler Iterators:

• Spore's whole thing was that she was originally meant to be one of the first medicine focused Iterator facilities. her placement in the shroom place was done on purpose because as we all know shrooms can get a lil funny in the RW universe. this went wrong though, when the spores of the shrooms got into her systems and started parasiting on her neurons similarly to cordyceps with ants. that is what those jellyfish lookin things stuck on her are!! parasitic neurons already tryin to take her over

a big part of Mission Self-preservation in her case was saving her from the fate that we see her succumbed to at the start of the Ascending Notos comic - her voice claim is something like... Fluttershy but with a Minion from Despicable Me effect/feel to it??? this is the real blorbo of the Eo group fuck everybody else • this is NAE. NAE is a bastard

often bitches about how stupid his name is. then two weeks after the Mass Ascension his arms just kinda Fall Off and he's like "OOOOOH. OOOOOOOOH. *OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!* WELL *SOME-FUCKING-BODY* IS GIGGLING FROM THE BOTTOM OF THEIR VOID STAINED BATHTUB, AREN'T THEY. MOTHER. **FUCKER.**" - he's Euros' neighbour and his Mechanic at that time came to help Sparrows out with the 1st Rot situation. Euros likes annoying him a lot • Gem in an Eye is going to be based off of a witch a lil, she's gonna do shit with ✨ crystals ✨ (she's an asshole) • Sordid Expiation will be based off of a nun and will be bitchily religious (unlike Fish who is funnily religious- he's like a conspiracy theorist while Expiation is all serious bleeeeegh boooooo 👎) - Gem and Expiation have a playful rivarly going on, crystals vs religion. with Spore in the friend group, medicine joins in, but when she gets worse with those parasitic shrooms she stops joining in on the play-arguments • Raspy Rustle's voice claim is AnnenMayKantereit and he is a Sweetheart. he and Reed get mistaken for each other often because of the initials n they might end up havin similar chat clrs too. both find it very funny • Vapor is based around the vaporwave aesthetic and is Notos' neighbour. so you have this goth bitch who doesn't care for attention and right next to it is this pastel neon chillax'd music star who cares a LOT for attention (like that one meme with the houses...). her mark is that vaporwave sun and it's splattered all over her face instead of just on the forehead • Sadness is based off of Sad Machine by Porter Robinson- her clr palette will be sampled from the album cover n her voice claim is That song as well. she's closeby to Fish and Likes Writing Poems :')