Stressed Out - Chapter VIII
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Kelvin
Recommended Music: Formidable - Stromae
Kelvin is the name of the thermodynamic temperature unit used as the basis of the International System of Units.
Over the last few days, Viper felt that, on a Kelvin scale, her relationship with Chamber was dropping the temperature dramatically, approaching 273K, the freezing point of water. However, on a mission together with Chamber, they have the opportunity to warm up again.
But maybe it doesn't turn out the way she expected.
On the fifth day, when the pain for Chamber's absence came to be physical, Viper crawled into the aircraft hangar like a zombie. She was the first person to arrive, eating a quarter of a natural sandwich while waiting for the others, with no real desire to swallow. Chamber arrived thereafter, stopping at the jet's entrance when he saw Viper. Their eyes crossed and, just when Viper thought he was going to make some joke, he broke eye contact by going to the weapons depot. Viper closed her eyes and leaned her head on the back of the plane, thinking about how that scene would have been different a week ago. When Chamber would sit next to her, hold her hand and keep talking to her about their plan for the mission. She wanted it to come back so badly.
The noise of annoying laughter invaded the jet and Viper opened her eyes to give a grumpy stare at the noisy young people arriving. Killjoy and Raze were holding hands, having a lively conversation with Skye, where the three laughed. Viper's eyes rolled automatically. Young people were annoying.
- Oooooh Viper! - Raze waved at her with a smile, heading towards her. – Hear me out. - She sat next to her, with Killjoy accompanying her and Skye going to program the jet's flight. - You would press a button that would make rainbow unicorns that their shit is ice cream and make wishes come true HOWEVER! - Raze raised her hand and Killjoy laughed more, resting her head on Raze’s shoulder. – Their food is human flesh.
That's why Viper hated young people.
She took a deep breath, feeling the plane lift off. She heard something falling into the weapons depot and turned her head in that direction.
- Hey! Wasn't everyone sitting? - Skye said from the cockpit.
Again, Viper's eyes rolled by instinct. Killjoy and Raze looked at her curiously, waiting for her answer. She'd have to deal with them for the rest of the flight or maybe, who knows, it could be, Chamber. None of the options were Viper's favorite.
That’s a lie, it was obvious she had a favorite option.
They heard another noise coming from the depot, as if more things were falling. Viper thought checking what was going on over there was a plausible excuse to get away from them two.
- I refuse to answer that. - Viper grumbled, getting up when the jet stabilized and heading toward the depot.
- Oh, come on. - Raze made a peck while Killjoy pulled her arm.
- Freudin, these unicorns aren't worth it so much.
And the brats were toxic because Viper was really pondering if it was worth having people-eating unicorns in the world. At least to devour them both and make part of Viper's suffering end.
She put her head inside the weapons depot, looking at Chamber under a table with some guns lying around him. He was cursing in French. Viper gave a slight smile of contentment to see his misfortune.
- Do you… - She stopped talking, pondering whether that would be his co-worker or his girlfriend talking. She preferred to think it was just a professional matter. It wasn’t good that the physical integrity of the agents was impaired during the mission. - Do you need help?
Chamber stood still for a few seconds until he reached out toward her.
-Yes. - He spoke dryly, crawling away from the table.
Viper nodded and approached him, holding his hand. The touch made electricity pass through her body and Viper remembered how good it was to hold his big hands. She pulled him out, helping him get up. Their bodies almost collided and she can smell her cologne mixed with cigarettes. He should have smoked that morning. Chamber walked away from Viper and ran his hands through his clothes, cleaning his pants and the well-maintained vest. Viper took a step back, feeling that if she got too close, she would eventually fall apart in his arms and lose all the dignity she had left.
- What happened to the Tour de Force so you end in the infirmary? - She spoke casually, holding her hands in front of her body.
Chamber adjust his glasses and lowered himself to pick up the guns that had fallen. Viper followed the movement, looking away.
- I didn't do the new projectiles well. The substance inside them leaked into the barrel and after a few shots, it shaded for good. - He put the guns on the table, supporting his hands there. – The friction of the bullets in the barrel created a tiny explosion in my face… - Chamber shook his head and Viper had to contain the urge to touch his face, wanting to heal his pain not even if it was a little bit. - It was… Unpleasant...
She nodded slowly, putting the guns on the table beside him.
- I'm sorry... - She spoke sincerely, sitting at the table. She put her hands together on her lap, turning her thumbs, wondering if she should say something else or not.
- It’s okay... I was able to adjust the reservation for today's mission. - He shrugged, running his hand through his hair. -But... The bullets we designed for the Headhunter are perfect.
Viper turned to him, finding his look bright. He had a simple smile on his lips, demonstrating his pride about their work.
- Show me. - She came out of the table, looking at him curiously.
Chamber nodded and equipped the heavy pistol, taking a bullet from it and giving it to Viper. Viper held the projectile near her face, seeing the greenish substance inside of it.
- Are you sure there's no way to make it purple? - Chamber tilted his head to the side, making a peck. - It would be more like me.
- A dye could affect the chemical composition and compromise the effect of the poison. - She moved the bullet in her hand, feeling its weight. - The point wasn't to kill them if it was with a graze shot?
- I've always thought it was sexy how you prioritize the suffering of others.
Viper stopped playing with the bullet, noticing the line. He let it go so naturally that it didn't even seem like he refused to talk to her informally the day before. For someone who always complained about how much Chamber was flirting with her rather than focusing on the mission, that phrase was a surprising relief. She watched his face. He'd analyze the Headhunter, as if it were the most interesting thing there.
- Priorities are priorities. - She shrugged, returning the bullet to him. - But don't keep making up with it. We still need perfect shots.
The corner of Chamber's mouth trembled with a smile, and he nodded briefly.
-Oui...
And then the silence. So deafening that she began to hear her heart beating. She changed the weight from one foot to the other, yet without looking at her. If they were in a good mood, he'd never let that silence exist.
- If you...
- What's...
They spoke together, mixing the words. Viper crossed her arms while Chamber swallowed dry.
- You can talk. - He gestured at her, his nose taking a reddish hue. Viper thought it was funny how his nose turned red when he was embarrassed. Literally a clown.
- No, no… You first. - She gestured with her head at him, squeezing her arms more against her body.
- Oh… - Chamber wet his lips and approached her, pointing to her arm. – Can I?
Viper raised her eyes at him, close enough for her to note the details of the new glasses. This one was more beautiful, with a reinforced frame. She nodded, extending her arms to him. Chamber held her arm carefully, analyzing the poison launcher, which had some broken and deteriorating parts. Viper struggled to look away from him, since he was so close to her.
- What's wrong with the chemical launcher? - He asked, turning her arm from side to side.
- Corrosion. It happens all the time. - Viper sniffed, pointing to a box in the corner of the depot. - I'm going to switch it before we get there.
-Umm… - Chamber mumbled and then looked at her, squeezing his lips a little. - I... I can switch for you.
Viper watched him for a few seconds. She wanted to ask why the hell he didn't apologize to her at once so they could go back to the way they were. She missed the lightness of being by his side.
Viper nodded at last, sitting again at the table. Chamber walked away from her to pick up the box and placed it next to her on the table, opening it and picking up the tools to change the launcher.
- I appreciate you wanting to help me, but do you know how to do that? - Viper asked, extending her arm to him.
He stood facing her, very close. Under normal circumstances, Chamber would convince her to do something far more interesting than trade a chemical launcher in that position.
- I know how your suit works. I've taken it off enough times to understand. - He held her arm, activating the launcher and starting to pull it out.
- I didn't know you were interested in it that way. - She raised her eyebrows, watching his face. - You never stopped to stare while I was wearing... Or take it off.
Chamber looked at her quickly and then turned to the launcher, taking it out.
- I was bored and wanted to know how you had done it... It's a very ambitious project to do on its own... - It seemed like he was going to add something else to the phrase, but he kept quiet, taking the new launcher and positioning it in place.
- Yes. I can handle myself. - "Except in the kitchen." She completed it mentally. - Ouch! - She made a grimace, trying to pull her arm when he squeezed her skin too hard.
- You want to end this on your own, too? - He grumbled, attaching the launcher to her suit. - You said I wasn't around when you needed it. I'm at least trying to change that.
Viper looked at him, biting the inside of her cheek. It was not intentional that her speech would become an opening for their discussion. But since they were there...
- You barely looked me in the face for five days. - She let the resentment show in her voice, thinking about how he treated her coldly. - You think just fixing my suit changes everything?
- You barely looked in my face for five days!
- Because you... - Viper started repeating the same sentence again and then pressed her lips, looking away. - You just had to talk to me.
- I had to talk to you? - Chamber walked away from her, putting one hand on his hips. - I was hoping that whole time you'd realized what you'd done and had the least decency to come and talk to me. At least...
-Me? - Viper raised her eyebrows, coming down from the table. - You're the one who freaked out for no reason!
- Oh hell that again. - He shook his head, looking away.
- Just apologize. Is it that hard? - She crossed her arms, walking in a way that would return to his field of vision. - I'm right here!
- Me too! - He looked at her angry. - Why don't you apologize?
Viper laughed humorlessly, putting her hand on her chest.
- By God, you're so childish!
- I didn't start this!
- But you're the one who chooses to continue!
- Because you broke my kitchen! I had to pass the whole night cleaning up that place and I ended up exhausted while you, madame, could sleep careless! Making such a tantrum!
- Vincent, I haven't slept properly or eat in five days. You think I'd be like this just for a tantrum?
- You wouldn't have to stay like this if you just apologized!
- I'm not the wrong one here! Stop being proud for once in your life! Please! I hate fighting with you!
- I hate it too!
And that's when Skye fell into the depot.
Chamber turned to the redhead lying on the floor and then looked at Killjoy and Raze at the entrance. Raze smiled awkwardly while Killjoy was blushing. Skye held her face in her hands, looking at the two of them as if nothing was happening. Viper squeezed her arms even more, not wanting to look at them.
- We came to pick our guns and… Well… - Skye turned to the girls, seeking support. Both denied with their heads quickly. - Yep. That's it, that's all.
Viper let out the air slowly, throwing her head back.
- Did we arrive? - She spoke in a monotonous voice, thinking about too many things at the same time and the last one she was in the mood to think about was that she had to work.
-Almost. - Killjoy stutter, helping Skye get up.
-Good. - Viper tested the chemical launcher. Chamber had done a great job. How annoying he is.
- Oh, guys! - Raze spoke out, giving a fun smile. - Are we going to stop by Cypher's place after the mission? Don't you have the keys, Skye?
- Ahw yes! He kind of lent it to me. - Skye gave Raze an awkward smile.
- Did you steal from Cypher? - Raze looked at Skye with disbelief and admiration.
- Stealing is a strong word...
The girls began a mild conversation, trying to ignore the heavy mood between Viper and Chamber. Viper was about to pick up her equipment, going around Chamber, but he held her wrist. Viper slowly raised an eyebrow at him, closing her fist, wanting to punch him.
- You really didn't eat? - He spoke low, without looking at her.
Viper pressed her lips and pulled her arm away from him.
- Focus, Chamber. We'll sort it out later. - She spoke coldly, going to get her equipment.
>>> Next Chapter
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Happy b-day to my girl Rinoa. I wish I had fic or art ready to post today but I don't :(
All I will say is that writing in her perspective for an extended period of time, and therefore looking at her lines and behaviors over and over again, has just really made me appreciate Rinoa as a character.
A few things I love about her:
As the daughter of what we are led to believe are Galbadia's highest ranking general and one of the world's biggest celebrities, Rinoa is privileged. She comes from a position of power and wealth. She could have just lived a comfortable life but she chooses to use her knowledge and skills to help free a country from violent occupation. Doing so puts her at great personal risk, and although she may not fully understand how risky it is, it is extremely brave and righteous for her to do this. This is why I believe Rinoa is not Ultimecia - because at her core, she is someone who places her values over personal gain when she has power and influence. She can be possessed but I don't believe she corruptible (into Ultimecia, anyway).
On her bravery, we all know that Rinoa fears doing things alone. But many times in the game, she does things alone anyway. Bravery is not the absence of fear but the willingness to challenge it, and our girl challenges it all the time!
Further, she makes the active decision to rejoin the SeeDs after Irvine escorts her out of D-District prison. What I realized in writing my fic, which is an alternate timeline, is that Rinoa actually has no established reason to go to the missile base. But you can assign her to that party. And she will do it without complaint. She is risking her life, not to earn money, or to move her mission in Timber forward, or even to spend more time with Squall. She will go because she thinks it's the right thing to do, and because she wants to help Selphie, someone she has just met.
She gives people the benefit of the doubt. There is no denying that Squall is a huge jerk to her at times early game, but she is emotionally intelligent enough to realize that whatever he is projecting is not about her. And then she tries, over and over, to reach out to him. She is so patient. But also, she gives Deling the benefit of the doubt - they were trying to reason with him on the train, not even blackmail him or threaten him, but just have a conversation. She tries to not kill Edea TWICE. She tries to use the bangle to circumvent assassination and then tries to get the SeeDs to find another way to face her. She even returns to Esthar after they were hostile toward her. She believes in the good of people. Maybe that's being naive but if we were all as cynical as some other characters in this game, the world would completely fall apart.
Rinoa is always thinking. She is crafty, she comes up with interesting plans, and she can even be a bit of a schmoozer. Rinoa is only 17, and so some of this is not always executed in the best way; but I think she is extremely intelligent and creative. And, I mean, you GOTTA BE if you can teach your dog all those amazing tricks.
Don't you DARE call her a damsel in distress. She is just as much the hero of FFVIII as Squall is and YES I will die on this hill. Does she get into some pretty nasty situations? Yes. Are some of these situations caused by mistakes on her part? Absolutely. But this girl is far from helpless and goes all out to save Squall, her friends, and ALL OF TIME AND SPACE. She was willing to go to Edea by herself with a bangle that she had idea if it worked to help her friends. She was at peace with being locked away for probably the rest of her life if that meant keeping the world safe. She was willingly possessed by an evil sorceress for a second time after having a traumatic more-than-near-death experience the first time (she hadn't even experienced an Ellone dream before so imagine how scary this entire prospect was??? Like yes you need to lose your conciousness to some future bitch again and then you have to go into this other bitch's head in the past in this dreamscape you've never even been in and then yeah all of time is gonna collapse if/when you come to, you cool with that, Rinoa?). At the end of the game, she physically travels between dimensions/time/space/realities to find Squall and revive him, and then transport them back to their own reality which is obvious savior stuff. But she also saves Squall throughout the game by staying by his side, asking the right questions, listening to him, and giving him validation that, while he doesn't accept, he needs to hear. And oh yeah she fucks up Irvine to go get Squall out of prison. There's a reason they only call her "princess" once in the game - because she's NOT just a princess.
She cute as fuck js not just physically but also the things she says and her mannerisms. She's just so charming! No wonder Squall fell toss-myself-into-space in love with her! Me too tf
Tbh there are more reasons but this post is already longer than I thought it was going to be. Apparently I just have a lot of Rinoa feelings okay?! Okay.
Love you, happy birthday you absolute angel you ❤️
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Grushenka...
The fact that Grushenka is crammed into the femme fatale box (as if it wasn't a character archetype that is completely out of place in the context of the novel) and the statement that she was meant to be a temptress of sin in the sequel irk me, because I believe she's meant to be a positive character.
It's understandable to think of her that way in the beginning of the story through the descriptions of her alone, she seems like an enchantress, an otherworldly beauty, even a harlot. Only her first appearance denies some claims and confirms others, she's just a regular woman, but a charismatic and daring woman as well.
I won't try to argue that her jab at Katerina Ivanovna wasn't narrated with any other purpose than to portray her as a little cruel. It's true that she took pleasure in Katerina's shame and anger. However, Katerina is not the noblehearted and reasonable one in this situation. She tried to control Grushenka from the beginning, acted condescendingly sweet towards her and immediately started insulting her as soon as Grushenka made it clear that she wasn't going to do as Katerina wished. Grushenka is an unmarried young woman without parents in 19th century Russia, a businesswoman at a young age at a time when women doing such work was a rare sight. She knows how to make the most of the little power she has in such a society and tries to have fun while she's at it. It might seem like she's cruel for no reason during that scene, but I believe that even without her backstory, she's making a statement, one that the reader may or may not like.
She's quick to act out of spite, though she's not completely ruthless. Beneath the cattiness and mischief, Grushenka is kind- hearted and generous. She keeps accepting Rakitin into her home despite the fact that he's ashamed of her, she's grateful to Samsonov for rescuing her from poverty and hunger even when he sexually exploited her when she was very young, something that ruined her reputation forever*. She let Maximov stay at her house, and showed kindness to pan Mussyalovich, another man who hurt her, in Book XI. Grushenka has a very strong guilty conscience, declaring herself responsible for the murder even when Dmitri and Fyodor are grown men who can make decisions themselves. The fact that she gets defensive and says that Dmitri is blaming her (Book XI) when he did nothing of the sort only shows how guilty she truly feels. At this point of the story, her feelings of guilt are strongly tied to her insecurities and jealousy, but she has the potential to turn it into responsibility and compassion.
(*Let us remember how her status as a fallen woman has affected her. If she's doomed, why bother changing? And despite it, she still wants to change her life in the end...)
Much like Dmitri, Grushenka is considered sinful, yet she doesn't stray away from God and respects what is sacred. She's honest about her own feelings no matter what other people say, and this makes her a little capricious, but also gives her certain integrity. Some sort of childlikeness and a theme of joy and laughter is remarked by the narrator and some characters as it is in many other positive characters. She's capable of spontaneously being hurtful, but also of spontaneous good. Chapter 3 of Book VII, which presents a situation with resemblance to the story of Katerina and Dmitri, portrays a triumph of this spontaneous good.
As a female character, Grushenka is in an interesting position. At the time the novel was written, female characters were still tied to the development and stories of male characters, however, fleshed out female characters with agency were starting to appear as well. What then happens is that, while these types of female characters still depend on the personal journeys of the men in the story, the men's fate and trajectory end up being influenced by the actions and decisions of the female character. We aren't reading Grushenka's story and her psyche isn't given as much attention, but in how she's fragmented between the arcs of other characters, she becomes a central piece of the story, and even narrates a fable that expresses one of the major themes of the story: salvation doesn't come at the expense of others.
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