#Destiel had one break up arc and one divorce arc

[tobydoeswrite]

[doctorprofessorsong]

More Destiel Fic Recs

Feast of the Assumptions by Amazonia_8 (Explicit, 19k)

I haven't laughed as hard at a fic since A Room of One's Own. When Dean agrees to host Thanksgiving despite his culinary skills beginning and ending at grilling a burger, he turns to the experts: a help hotline hosted by one of the turkey companies.

But he gets more than he bargained for when its Cas that takes his call. Before you can say butterball, Dean finds himself craving the enticing voice on the other end. But when have family holidays ever gone smoothly?

As I said, this fic is absolutely hilarious. I consumed it in a night, laughing hard enough to wake up my kid.

The Elevator Game by bexgowen, xfancyfranart @motherofdragonflies (Explicit, 88k)

A choose-your-own-adventure case fic must I even go on?? I will though. The fic is a thoroughly intense romp based on am urban legend. Your choices can lead you down any number of paths. Can you get everyone out alive and safe?

The fun of this fic is in part to read it over and over to see the subtle changes Your decisions make, but it's also a fun case standing alone. The other world is delightfully atmospheric and setting it in the divorce arc adds an extra layer of tense angst. It's a good time (for the reader, the guys go through it)

Salt and Rosemary by tiamatv (Explicit, 31k)

An ancient curse is coming for Dean - the result of a deal his mother made to save his father. On his 24th birthday, the curse will take his breath away. But Dean isn't going to take that lying down, especially because Sam will be faced with the same curse in a few years. So instead, Dean binds the curse, Castiel to him. But maybe the curse is exactly what Dean needed after all.

First of all, Curstiel is a delight so jot that down. He's dramatic and petulant and adorable. When you combine that with Stanford era Dean feels, the two of them make an unbeatable combination.

Despite some dark themes, this fic is so sweet and soft. It's an unconventional love story, but Dean and Cas are just deeply adorable in this fic. I found myself grinning at how cute they were.

The Crawling Dark by SylvanFreckles @sylvanfreckles (Teen, 16k)

Spooky season may be over, but now we are in family gathering and work event season which is the true horror. So if you find a need for a thriller as a break, this one has you. 

A simple case fic, Dean and Cas investigate some missing hikers and uncover a new and terrifying creature.

This fic delivers a pulse pounding atmosphere with the claustrophobia of caves and the knowledge that something brutal is lurking in the dark.

To counteract that is a softness in Dean and Cas who are together but haven't yet had sex, and who are extremely attuned and affectionate. 

Ungod by AmberXBoone, rezal @corrupt-touch (Explicit, 58k)

Some delicious blasphemy to keep you warm on those cold winter nights. Dean hates his job as an attorney (relatable) and especially hates his current case representing corrupt priests who have been stealing from parishioners.

That is until he realizes the one night stand he can't stop thinking about is one of the priests. Now he finds himself recklessly crossing ethical lines he can't bring himself to care about. 

But how far will the corrupt priests go to protect themselves? 

This one is a little bit thriller/mystery, but also a lot of horny, soft and sweet fun. Dean and Cas have a great dynamic (a profound bond even) and it's impossible not to root for them.

This Tainted Love You've Given by LazarusRose @lazarus-rose (Explicit, 17k)

This Stabfest fic has the most delightfully unhinged concept. Dean, a serial killer, meets a cute guy, hooks up with him, and then murders him. A regular night out.

Until his one night stand shows up at his door. Turns out Cas is an immortal witch now convinced he and Dean are meant to be. And, well, a serial killer and an immortal who can be killed just might be a pretty epic match. 

These two are so delightfully unhinged and weird. It's a great concept done well. 

This Blade for Hire by FriendofCarlotta @friendofcarlotta (Explicit, 20k)

Come for the really delightful adjacent take on the lore, stay for some delicious rare pair femslash. This stabfest fic gives the gays (me) everything they want.

Dean, Sam and Ava are a team. They hunt demons for a bounty from the angels with the help of Sam and Ava's special powers. Sure the angels are dicks, but the money's good and fuck demons.

Well, Dean made an exception for one angel, Cas. His lover and contact with Heaven. But Cas has disappeared without a word. So maybe he's a dick too.

But when Dean and Ava get tasked with hunting down Meg Masters, things get…complicated 

The Man in the Rock by FriendofCarlotta @friendofcarlotta (Explicit, 7k)

Another stabfest and another FriendofCarlotta (overachiever xoxo), this little fic packs a hell of a punch. It's beautiful and devastating and soft.

Ever since he lost his partner, Cas, five years ago, Dean has struggled to figure out what shape his life should take. But he's finally decided it's time to remove the monument to his grief - a giant statue of Cas that sits in his garden. But when he makes one last desperate wish, will that same monument give him the very thing he's been dreaming of?

[autisticandroids]

alright I gotta know, s15...

i liked watching it: no, it was bad to watch. it's actually amazing how bad the opening in particular of s15 is. like broadly i don't know if there are really any good episodes in s15 other than atomic monsters. the trap is. okay, but only really enjoyable for destiel stuff not for being a good episode. i actually really like elements of despair (in particular: cas' speech to jack; when dean and cas break into death's library). but it's still not good. OH and gimme shelter is good. a+ for that one.

i like thinking about it: no, because i’m not interested. as much as i would love to enjoy the divorce arc it needs like. a fundamental rewrite from the ground up. same with the chuck plot. i mean i guess the divorce arc is interesting to me as a sort of end point of where dean is going. but it's more as an interesting conclusion to think about while considering like. season nine.

i like what it could have been: yes / no, because it didn’t have any really good potential. i like imagining the secret good the gamblers where jack eats human hearts and him and cas conspire to hide this from the winchesters. and also secret good chuck plot. but it doesn't take up a ton of my spn brain real estate. except the jack thing.

i like its broader impact on the narrative: no, because it had a bad impact. honestly i spend a lot of time ignoring that s15 happens because it kind of shuts off. a lot of the potential of spn. idk. i'd rather deal with the ramifications of s14 than s15 as a denouement to the show.

[hawkland]

My (mostly) Destiel Recs, Round-up #6

Well, between working like crazy on my DCBB fic and GISH and injuring my neck last month I haven’t kept up with my rec posts, so this one is going to be LONG and have a LOT and I’m going to try to break it up into sections, from oldies but goodies (some things I found on very old rec lists) to smutty delights to just tasty little bits of fluff, hopefully there’s something or everyone here. Most of these are not super-long, largely in the 10-25k range, though there are a few beyond that. With all the stuff I’ve had going on I haven’t wanted to lose sleep diving into 100k epics (especially when I’m writing my own right now, lol.)

“Oldies” but Goodies:  Here are two great fics written some time way back when but that still definitely slap.

Theodicy by manic_intent (11k) - Probably the most brilliant Godstiel fic I’ve read to date. One of Cas’s first acts as the new god is to make a new archangel. Dean isn’t exactly on board with having his soul re-sculpted into wings he hates on sight (especially as they seem magnetically drawn to Cas), but he isn’t exactly given a choice. He, Sam and Bobby struggle with how to handle their former friend suddenly becoming a vindictive deity - trying to make plans to kill him if they must, which is pretty hard when it seems like Cas is always one step ahead of him. Can Dean hold on to enough of his humanity to provide a conscience to Cas and try to steer him toward good acts instead of destruction? This is one that I can’t say has a perfectly happy ending, but it’s a hopeful and imperfect one that’s just right for how the story plays out. 

My Eyes Are An Ocean by entanglednow (10k) - Season 5 AU where Dean averts the apocalypse through a spell that “powers up” all the angels and he sees Cas’s true form - before being rendered blind. Dean tries to adjust to his blindness, Cas tries to deal with his guilt, and it’s just a lovely little read with an ending that’s... *chef’s kiss*

Lots more recs below the cut:

More great reads from some of my favorite authors I’ve recced before:

The Cabin on the Lake by DeanRH (21k) - This may be my new favorite DeanRH fic...at least for the moment. The year is 2152, Sam and Dean are long gone to Heaven, while Cas - stuck somewhere between mortal and angel - remains on Earth keeping vigil, keeping up the hunt, assuming he’ll never see either Winchester ever again. But when he starts hearing things, and imagining Dean visiting him as an angel himself, he starts losing grip on what is and isn’t real, and whether he can trust anything he sees or believes to be the truth. This is one hell of a psychological rollercoaster that kept me guessing right along with Cas until the very end. It also has some super-creepy horror elements, a novel “monster of the week”, and the hot-as-sin smut scenes I always expect from this author.

X Marks the Scot by DeanRH (15.9k) A fun little romp through history in one of this author’s great not-quite-au fics. Crowley sends Dean and Sam back in history to the Scottish Highlands to stop a monster, and while there they meet a blue-eyed clan chief who makes Dean weak in the knees. There’s something familiar about him, too. a very clever au that ties back to canon for an unexpected fix-it. Also, Cas in a kilt. Enough said.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon by DeanRH (12k) - Sweet and slightly angsty AU. What if Dean was a gardener in ancient Babylon when a strange dignitary came to warn that the tower under construction was to be destroyed by angels? Lush, romantic and sexy with some wonderful tie-ins to canon characterizations (of Dean, Sam, John and of course Cas).

sufficient for thee by angelfishofthelord (21k) - This is a beautiful Cas angst-fest and character study that reimagines how angel grace works, particularly in regards to healing others. It covers the whole of Cas’s arc from Season 4 through a post-series fix-it, is absolutely stunning and features some great world-building in regards to the angels. (One important TW: those with cutting/self-harm issues may wish to skip or at least proceed with caution). I love that I can always count on angelfishofthelord when I need a good dose of Cas!whump and pain.

And laugh at gilded butterflies by ireallydidthistomyself (13k) - another great Dadstiel fic from this author featuring one of my favorite angsty subjects! I don’t know how I missed reading this one before. An AU where Cas is raising (baby)Jack on his own until the angels find the two of them and prepare to seal Jack away in the Ma’lak box. Cas begs them to let him go with Jack, so at least Jack won’t be alone for eternity. Meanwhile Dean is frantically trying to find what happened to Cas, and he gets some unexpected help from Crowley.  It’s sad and sweet and all the characterizations are great. A+ Crowley use here, too.

what stays (and what fades away) by dothraki_shieldmaiden (64k) - a fabulous read with some great art, too, that started me reading a bunch of fic from this author. Cas goes missing, and when he’s found he seems deep under a spell. When they finally manage to awaken him, he doesn’t remember anything of this life with Dean, Sam and Cas in the bunker. The last thing he knew he was a nurse living with his wonderful husband, Dean, and their two adopted children, Jack and Claire. What I loved about this one was the clever twist as to who was behind Cas’s curse and also how well-developed his AU world/existence was. I’m not generally keen on mundane aus or the one-dimensional way a lot of djinn dream fics tend to go for them, but this one managed to capture a believable version of Dean and Cas living a “normal” life without monsters without making it sugary/too-sweet. 

before knowing remembers by dothraki_shieldmaiden (14k) Post 15x04, a wonderful fic that plays with some meta topics in a clever way. Dean and Sam are happy - they have free will and they’ve won against Chuck, even if they suffered some big losses along the way (including Jack). But Dean can’t help but think he’s forgetting something...or rather, someone. Yet every time he thinks he remembers, the name and face of that someone slips from his mind. 

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden (9k) Post-15x03 where Cas ends up going back to the Gas ‘n Sip and working with Nora after leaving the bunker. A bitter sweet divorce-arc AU and what I love the most is how it ends - not perfect, not tragic, just very real and believable. 

15x18 and Post-canon fix-it fics:

Orbital Velocity Around a Celestial Body by LeverDrift (26k) - An angsty but lovely fix-it fic, one where it gets worse for a while before it gets better. Dean pulls Cas from the Empty, where he’d been living in a fantasy world with a dream!Dean who was giving him everything real!Dean is certain he can’t. Dean has to struggle with wondering if Cas would have been better off with dream!Dean instead of him. This is one that will break your heart before putting it back together again as Dean struggles with his self-worth issues.

so good at crashing in by Wintertree (36k) - Another post-finale fix-it where Cas is back, the world is saved, and things are still...not as easy as it should be for either Dean nor Cas. Monsters are gone, there’s no more hunting to be done, and Cas wants to move out of the bunker somewhere closer to Claire, to move on with a proper human life. Dean thinks he can move there with Cas and stay as “best friends”, even to the extent that Cas encourages him to go out and have sex with others/women. (And wants to hear about it after the fact!) But can Dean figure out what he really wants, and what Cas wants as well? A refreshingly unique take on what a post-series life could have looked like for them.

Delicious smut:

Empty by squirrelofcelestialintent (43k) - Every day this fandom makes me rethink my previous squicks and DNWs in fanfic. Here I find myself enjoying quite a bit more dom/sub elements than I normally ever would! I think because I was absolutely drawn in by the breathtaking first chapter, capturing beautifully the emotions of Cas returning from the Empty in Season 13 if he and Dean had confessed their feelings right then and there. But Dean’s self-worth is all fucked up, he feels there’s no way he can be good enough for Cas, especially when his sexual desires run a little bit...let’s just say outside the vanilla and he’s struggling with shame over doing sex work when he was younger. This was HOT and POOR SAM really gets stuck in the middle of, well, hearing more about his brother’s sex life than he ever needed to.

He's My Mate by Hatsonhamburgers (22k) - This fic manages the delightful combination of humor and extreme hotness perfectly. Dean and Cas catch each other in some questionable masturbation situations. This leads Cas to decide he needs to buy Dean some proper sex toys. He’s just helping his best friend out, right? Sure. As I said, hysterical AND hot as hell. 

Generals by nanoochka (9k) - Cas/Dean, Cas/Balthazar/Dean, implied past-Cas/Balthazar. An old LJ fic I found on an ancient rec list that is just scorching hot and a brilliant character study of Cas and Dean. Balthazar decides to invite himself in when he catches Dean and Cas engaging in some frisky business, and it turns into a bit of a power-play between the two soldiers of Heaven. Cas gets DP’ed and it’s all...well. It’s fucking good, read it.

The One With The Preening by HolyFuckingHell (5.5k) Can I do a rec post without including some wing!kink/wing!grooming in it? No, I can’t. (I also really enjoyed some of the other fics in this author’s series including The One With Dean's Horny Movies).

A Single Point of Light by Destina (2.4k) - This is a gorgeous Cas/Dean/Benny Purgatory short! A delicious balance of the two each caring for and caring about Dean in their own, protective ways, definitely a delight for any fans of this threesome.

Short and sweet, fluff to angst:

Snugglebird by almaasi (5.3k) - So, so soft and sweet and snuggly, just like the title. Dean’s things are disappearing from the bunker...and so, suddenly, has Cas. What’s going on? I do love my nesting!Cas fics, so...yeah. If you need a smile this is a good one to read :)

And Cleanse Me From My Sin by thisisapaige (1.6k) - another one for my beloveds who also enjoy wing grooming and sweet Dean-taking-care-of-Cas fluff.

Needle and Thread by Misachan (4k) - Season 5 wing!fic hurt/comfort. Cas’s wings are badly injured, Dean doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, but he’s stitched up Sam and himself enough times. He can do this. If you love caretaker!Dean and vulnerable!Cas don’t overlook this little gem.

Deceptive Preludes by sp8ce (2.7k) - One of those stories that delves into some of the difficulties Cas might have after coming back from the Empty a second time, especially in regards to accepting what’s real or not, understanding Dean, and how both of their communication issues can add to their struggles. Painful but hopeful for the future, felt very believable as I read it.

[timetot]

s15 thoughts

maybe i was just running out of steam or bc i had the foreknowledge of how it all ended, but it felt like the weakest of the last five seasons. there were a lot of episodes that would be fine in another other season, but in the final twenty eps just felt like filler or worse - rehashed scripts ("drag me away [from you]" was the worst offender on this front, five episodes left and we're going to do a knock-off "after school special"/"something wicked?"). the constant bringing back old characters - often just to kill them off - wore pretty thin, with some exceptions. i liked seeing adam/michael, becky, amara, and garth, but the ones that were clearly just fanservice cameos didn't work at all for me (ie. having a ruby and anael frenemy flashback just so jackles' and jared's wives could act against each other). kevin's send-off actively angered me. "love you guys" NO, he SHOULD be bitter af and hate the winchesters' guts!! also bringing back jenny the vampire from s1 in the last episode made me laugh out loud. like who??? i don't believe dean would have even recognized her.

the less said about the finale the better. i am erasing it from my memory. there are many reasons it's the second lowest rated spn episode on imdb, and i'll leave it at that.

some positives! rowena as always <3 jack :( saileen!

the destiel divorce arc was a really strong emotional through line of the first half of the season, even though it felt like it just came to a grinding halt after 15x09. dean's apology prayer was cathartic, but i did want some actual conversation to wrap that up before castiel makes his big self-sacrificial love confession speech.

chuck had his hammy moments, but i still think making god the ultimate big bad was a stroke of genius in a show all about free will. not all of the meta stuff worked 100% but there were some great concepts in there: the existential dread of knowing your maker has been manipulating your whole life and now he wants you dead at the hands of your closest kin! god is burning all his rough drafts which means thousands of alternate universes are being extinguished one by one! the winchesters losing their main character status and having to deal with normal people problems like cavities and getting sick and a fifty-year-old car constantly breaking down! good shit.

episode highlights: "the rupture," "golden time," "our father who aren't in heaven," "the trap," "last holiday."

[wormstacheangel]

What are the best episodes with Castiel to watch?

Hello! Sorry, this took me a while to answer but here you go! If I miss some it’s cause I don’t remember anything or I was just Bleh about it.

Castiel Epiosdes

4x01 ICONIC 

4x16 ICONIC

4x20 Jimmy is important to Cas and I love him. 

4x22 ICONIC Greenroom. Cas picks a side aka Dean.

5x03 Cas and Dean being friends! Gay panic is real my friends. 

5x04 THE END. “It's the end, baby. “

5x13 “Sam is my friend.” 

5x14 Cupid (He made a cameo video it was cute) and Cas eating raw meat off the floor.

5x16 “You son of a bitch! I believed in-” OWW

5x17 Drunk Cas.

5x18 At this point he’s just done with everything. So he just carves, YES CARVES, an angel banishing sigil into his own chest. He does not hesitate.

Season 6 is good for Cas because the whole time he’s apart of a civil war and is just a terrible liar.

6x06 I am trying not to make this list about Destiel but the scene where Cas pours Dean’s drink. 

6x10 Pizza Man.

6x19 Baby in a trenchcoat aka leader of the heaven rebellion but sure Dean. He’s just cute. 

6x20 ICONIC 

6x21& 22 Both show that Cas is slowly realizing that he is not in control. 

7x01 The whole episode is wild but Cas just going to heaven and saying I’m Daddy now really takes the cake. (not the actual words he used.)

7x02 Cas’s death #3?

7x17 MISHA -- OH um, I mean CAS to the rescue lol

7x21 His cute little laugh! Honey!Cas has my heart and soul. Bonus Destiel: “ When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!” RIP Hester Queen

7x23 “Cursed or not.” Also his little smile when he asks for the plan ahh!

aka all episodes in s7 with Cas in it is worth watching.

Okay, I’ll try to control myself now but watch all of s8 cause its beautiful.

8x02 We see Dean’s POV to the purgatory portal scene. Also, hear Cas’s reason for leaving Dean.

8x07 We see Cas’s POV of the purgatory pov scene. Also, learn how Cas escapes purgatory. 

8x08 “I’m gonna be a hunter.” He’s so CUTE!

8x10 Cas needs a hug. Please.

8x17 ICONIC. “what broke the connection?” AHH

8x21 Badass Castiel

8x22 & 23 Castiel wants to do good. He wants to help but he just puts his trust in the wrong people. It hurts me so much. Look he’s just a small child and he is dealing with a lot right now. 

Season 9 Cas looks good. Like fanservice time father of two!

9x01 First look at human Cas!

9x03 I can’t watch this ending again. It’ll make me spiral. But it’s a good human Cas and destiel episode. Also, fuck April. She gross. 

9x06 ICONIC BLESSED jilted lover. 

9x09 He looks good.

9x10 “I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb. Less ass.” They are both dumbasses.

9x11 Sam & Cas chaotic vibes

9x14 Cas storyline with the angels starts or at least makes it more clear idk

9x18 Gabriel! Also, “Damn it, Dean!” and Cas accepts his role as a leader. The angels are dumb. 

9x22 Sam & Cas dream team lol Also, Cas picks Dean over heaven again.

9x23  “--and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.”

10x01 Cas draped across the bed like a victorian lady waiting for her husband to come back from the war

10x03 You know that scene where he’s lying on the floor bloody and dying and the Crowley saves him. And then Cas glows and heals with grace and he’s glaring up at Crowley? You know that scene. Yeah. Bonus: I’m gay and bloody Hannah is also hot. Small tip: Ignore the creepy/gross Hannah and Cas set up the writers are trying to do. They are siblings. 

10x09 Claire! That’s his daughter!

10x10 Claire and Cas make me cry.

10x14 Deleted scene of “Maybe he’s your boyfriend.” 

10x17 Sam & Cas! They are best friends, you guys!

10x18 Charlie and Cas meet! AND THEY ARE ALL HAPPY AND I CRY

10x20 Claire! Cas get’s her a birthday present, grumpy cat stuffy, and she keeps it! And I cry. And she saves him. And she cares about him. 

okay 10x21 cause of Charlie and Cas but also fuck this episode. Charlie deserved better. 

10x22 ICONIC gosh damn it. I-

10x23 Just for backstory for Cas in s11. Our poor boy can't catch a break. 

I worked on this for two hours now Nonny and I don’t even care. I miss Cas.

Season 11 hurts my damn soul because of Cas. I won’t include Casifer, though it was A LOT of fun to watch him.

11x01 “Dean, did it work?” I wanna hold this poor sad madly in love man. 

11x02 I can’t handle the torture. He looks so sad.

11x03 Bless you director, Jensen Ross Ackles.

11x04 Okay, not a lot of Cas but I love this episode. 

11x06 They don’t talk about his trauma but they show us a little when he tries to leave the bunker. And I cried. Once again. Let. Me. Hold. Him. 

11x10 Ambriel glad you are dead cause you were SO rude. Also, Amara girly, queen, I love you but apologize. Stop being mean to Castiel.

11x22 Cas get’s to talk and that’s nice

11x23 “I can go with you.” Sir, you just came back from being possessed by THEE satan and now you are ready to die by your future husband's side. You need therapy. 

Okay, I stopped watching live after season 11 because of the way they treated Cas so these next seasons I binged watched ( a couple of times) but wasn’t apart of the fandom so it feels like I didn’t fully grasp them. But here we go!

12x01 Cas meets his mother-in-law. Also the little, “Dean!” when he hugs him. 

12x02 Cas and Mick :)

12x03 Agent Beyonce and Zee lol Cas and Crowley and should have had a sitcom 

12x08 Cas gets a text (angel radio) that he’s gonna be a Dad and it looks like when Alice had a vision of the Volturi in Breaking Dawn Part 2 lol

12x09 Let me hug Cas! He’s sad over his family being gone. Also, Mary, I love you but I don’t forgive anybody for being mean to Cas. All the Winchesters are on thin fucking ice with me. 

12x10 ICONIC destiel. Cas in a female vessel. 

12x12 ICONIC “I love you. I love all of you.” 

12x19 Worried husband Dean. Excited soon-to-be father Cas.

12x23 Cas dies (again) from child birth.

Watch the first few episodes of season 13 for the famous widower arc cause wtf they gave us THAT. Also, I don’t care for the other world storyline so I pushed that out of my head. 

13x04 Cas annoying a cosmic entity. Fun fact! I dislike the trenchcoat cause it looked so stiff and the color was off idk didn’t look great but Cas looked beautiful when he looks up at the sun! Ah!

13x05 IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN

13x06 ICONIC BROKEBACKNATURAL Also, Jack and Cas meet and I cried damn it. “I missed you.” That’s his son!

13x07 Cas doesn’t put anybody or anything above his baby boy

13x12 Cas has the dumbest husband but at least Cas stabs lucifer. Bet Misha felt good

13x14 Badass Cas. He’s a top. lol 

13x16 ICONIC Cas looks...great. Like, watch it. I would do anything for cartoon!cas

13x19Just cause Cas faced someone who tortured him and it’s made to seem like he should get over it and it pisses me off. But Naomi is so cool so idk I like her but would fight her

13x22 Otherworld Cas is there and Cas just kills himself. He needs therapy. 

13x23 Cas’s face when Dean says yes. Also, family hunting trip yay

14x01 Dadstiel! Also, Cas looks good. 

14x03 Dadstiel.

14x07 Dadstiel. “Losing a son feels different.” And I cry. 

14x08 “because I love you Jack. And Sam and Dean--they love you.” THEY DO LOVE HIM AHHHH! Also, Empty deal is made as an excuse for the writers to do something with Cas later. 

I just realized season 14 is just Cas trying desperately to keep his family together. He’s trying to take care of them and he has the right words to say to everyone but not much happens besides him wanting to be a family man. 

14x14 gay on gay violence lol Also another family hunting trip! 

14x15 Fav episode! I just love Sam & Cas’s dumb chaotic energy in this ahaha! They are best friends damn it!

14x18 Cas is trying desperately to keep his family together and he feels responsible for Mary

14x19 Cas should have been allowed to kick Sam and Dean’s dumb flat asses for locking his baby boy in a box. 

14x20 AHHH

Divorce arc! All of s15 is great! Except you know...19&20 but we ignore that in this house. 

15x03 ICONIC but I will never watch it again

15x06 dude, they really be broken up. Cas kicks ass by himself and he’s fishing and he’s so cute. 

15x09 ICONIC Let him talk, Castiel!

15x11 Cas is THEE best Dad and let’s Jack eat hearts

15x13 Just for the family.

15x15 :(

15x17 Cas working to keep his baby boy

15x18 :( I mean at least he’s out but :(

Okay, this took me all day and I had fun! Nobody is gonna read it but who cares cause I just spent my day thinking of Cas when I had a pretty shit day so thanks, Nonnie! 

[curioussubjects]

I know I’m late to the party, but I had a couple cents to throw into the canon discourse from the weekend. There are two definitions of “canon” that are used in fannish discourse, but one of them is exclusive to fandom shipping spaces:

Canon (1) = literary, biblical. In the case of SPN, canon means the parts that make up the text. This is the definition that has overlap with literary analysis. And the definition that delineates our dataset in most cases -- exceptions in studies of paratexts, for example.

Canon (2) = as in ship. That is, canon meaning if a ship has become an established relationship (couple), usually in the endgame. And this usage was born out of, you guessed it, shipping wars. This is not about representation. This definition also has no place in discussions about what is or isn’t textual.  It’s a cudgel. Bragging rights, that’s it. 

When we’re talking about destiel the facts are these:

Destiel is a canonical part of Supernatural. It simply is. This is indisputable: there is an intentional romance being written, which we can understand by the use of tropes, genre convention, and audio-visual language. 

There may be room to argue the specificities of their relationship and if they have ever been a couple. I say may because the text isn’t complete yet and there may be evidence to point one way or the other. As it stands, I think the text is being very pointed about where Dean and Cas are in terms of relationship status not only because we had a literal divorce arc that read like a break up. This reading is a simple matter of argument: claim - reasons for claim - evidence - reasons for evidence. And some arguments are stronger than others.

So the question isn’t “is Destiel a romance?” or “are Dean and Cas in love?” because the answer is yes on both counts, this is bog standard. And it’s bog standard because the evidence is overwhelming to the point arguing against it says more about the person arguing than what the text is doing. 

The question y’all actually seem to be asking is “are Dean and Cas a couple?” Or “will they be a couple?” 

But how can you tell?!?!? Tropes, conventions, plot devices, parallels, etc etc. Just because someone can’t understand what the text is saying doesn’t mean the text isn’t saying it. A person’s failure to read doesn’t automatically mean the text itself failed in transmitting a message. 

Are Dean and Cas a couple? You tell me. What is the evidence? What is the evidence against it? A kiss in this scenario is one piece of evidence. One part of the puzzle and, imo, not even a big part. 

I’d argue the answer on destiel being canon is a hearty yes on all accounts. And I also think arguing otherwise would be quite difficult. 

Am I clowning for smooches? Am I clowning for more overt displays of affection? Yeah, you bet, but not because that would be the thing that made destiel part of the SPN text or canon in the fannish sense. I’m clowning because I’d love to see that on my screen for vary many reasons. However, I think it’s a disservice to the gorgeous story we have already to dismiss it out of hand or calling it queerbaiting just because we didn’t get this thing or that thing. 

[torturedpoetdean]

destiel song afterglow. thoughts?

YES!!!!!

‘I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue

Put you in jail for something you didn't do

I pinned your hands behind your back, oh

Thought I had reason to attack, but no

Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves

Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there's no us

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?’

Divorce arc hello?!?!?!

‘It's all me in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

But it's not what I meant

Sorry that I hurt you

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you

I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you

I need to say, hey

It's all me, just don't go

Meet me in the afterglow’

Taylor really wrote the purgatory prayer into a song huh

[incarnateirony]

You didn't ship Destiel until S13!? That really took me by surprise! In that case, thank you for defending the ship even if you didn't ship it, that's really nice and your meta made it easier to deal with the antis. And welcome to the Destiel side of the force! :)

Yeah, several people -- @dotthings off the top of my head, I really don’t remember who else -- literally witnessed the screaming fall into the dumpster.

Again, I really don’t know if I still consider what I do ~shipping.~ I have no specific demands for how their relationship continues from here, I just acknowledge it within the work. The difference that hit in S13 was welcoming that content instead of guarding myself against it because we got slammed with several consecutive bookends that completed an entire romantic arc and punctuated it with a far more impacting mirror of an endgame that didn’t even have said romantic arc to begin with, in Swan Song, so like??? what am I supposed to do? Just ignore it? Act like I can’t understand what just happened in front of me?

To put some perspective, I’ve been running SPN games for... a while. My most recent one was on a discord server that’s niche, but my prior one was on a giant multifandom server. I covered for Cas to keep his power levels in check to the story balance without like, making the humans irrelevant. My Dean at the time was hardcore shipping trash. His name was Chris, he was a bisexual dude in Chile, psychologist, good dude. But like??? it deadass annoyed me? How up Cas’ ass his writing was? The shippers that came in actually kinda annoyed me with trying to matchmaker them in game??? Like. I saw it, but I guess it’s the old “That’s not what the show is about” (which unlike how fandom whips it around, doesn’t mean it can’t exist at all, it’s the obsessive tunnel visioned focus that pissed me off because it kept railroading scenes)

But despite that, during and before it, I was yeah, defending it. Just because I wasn’t an active ~shipper~ didn’t mean I was cool with people stomping on people for very reasonably seeing the stuff my last post mentioned. I just kinda kept myself from investing because I know this old media song and dance too well and didn’t expect it to break, say, S10 levels. And then 11 happened. And then 12. And then--

Because no matter what this fandom says, Castiel’s alien mystified staring at Dean, while great chemistry in old seasons, does not actually compare to things like frequent lunch dates, need and love yous, mixtapes, Eileen being Sam’s Cas in 15.09 and so on. In the actual, not-head-up-ass-about-old-rewritten-content-meta’ed-15-times-over often fused to really bad hot takes on what people call queer coding. But I could respect that, say, the ramifications of swapping Cas and Anna roles to keep Misha around while Julie was bouncing out and getting uncomfortable naturally landed Cas in the hero’s journey goddess role, ala princess Leia if you will, the distressing warrior nondamsel rebelling against the empire and whatnot. But that doesn’t start or end at star wars, that’s thousands of years of human writing.

So while yes, the show heavily stripped the actual content that would have traditionally structured it romantic, people like seeing that x their chemistry early on-- not crazy.

And I defended it for years /to my wife/ despite my server vexations. On this giant dozens-of-thousands-of-users multifandom server not connected to any core fandom spaces and hosting innumerable fandoms and walks of life, I was the oddball out -- me. As a nonshipper annoyed by the crowd, often having 20-30 people logged into my channel at a time playing everything from early Cain to Benny to TFW to Wayward to *throws dart at board* whatever, of the hundreds of names that drifted through the game in sum (including player rotations, OCs and audience that just came to watch/read like a fic), you know how many antis we had?

Three.

One was my wife. so removing her, two.

Do you know how many shippers there were? 

Yeah neither do I, just, “pretty much all of them.” a few hung in “see it, don’t care, moderately annoyed” like I did. But this idea that the GA is a bunch of het-guzzling bozos that can’t do the same basic math all of you fucking did before you got here, just because some other dead-ass irrelevant ship composed entirely on leftfield interpretations to validate niche fandom ships -- that shit’s so far fucking divorced from goddamn reality.

As for my wife, yes. She was an anti. In fact long before I wandered into fandom social media (I think I actually jumped in around S12 bc I saw Dabb taking over and Bobo getting promoted and was interested in Yockey-- Yockey was the first person I tweeted at), I was on these servers, running these games, having these ARGUMENTS with my wife to be quite honest, because like, look, I get it, Destiel fandom can be weird and needy and over the top but they’re not crazy for what they see out of it. By Carver era it was classic subtext.

But she had followed Winbros for years not realizing it’s literally run by the real world becky and her BFFs that have tasteful POVs like “Misha Collins is cancer” “Dabb is a disease” and whatever else on their personals that proxy through their posts and motivations. She attended it on Facebook, which is THE goddamn conservative magafarm asshole platform and yeah, read a lot of shitty arguments. Yes, she picked up sayings like “it ruins the show”. Yes, she hated it. No, that didn’t mean I felt anyone deserved more than mild frustration for their behaviors at the time just because they were stuck in fanfic-shipping-fiction-over-romanticised-land and not canon-divergent-show-genre-complex-interpersonal-relationships fiction. 

She, too, cracked about the same time I did. I was more receptive sure, I saw it more sure, but after a mix of addressing some personal problems, making an OC that completely changed how her perception filtered Dean and Castiel working together, whatever-- and yes, 12.19->13.5. The night of 13.5, the final shot, as the screen went dark, she stared over her phone and, with tonal distaste, said “Oh. So they’re going there.”

Yes, it’s that fucking obvious. No, she didn’t admit that’s what did her in. Not until the end of the season, when she admitted she had been bullshitting arguments since early season 13 because, literally, and I quote, “otherwise Min wins.” -- which, if that comes by way of my own wife, I can only stare into the fandom camera at other people that have turned this show into a decade long money sink and have been divorced from the actual canon path for like minimum 3 years, maybe 6, yelling about it being wrong all the time, etc. Because on the internet, people convince themselves they have ownership and power, that their opinion of what the piece should be overrides even the creators, et cetera. Yeah. There’s a lot of disingenuous horse shit.

TLDR my wife fell into the dumpster and, as the flag of the end of our weird spats, and a birthday present, I made her this, since she IDs as Dean (OLD vid, has hiccup issues newer ones don’t)

So, yup, dat me.

To this day I still don’t read fanfics or browse fanart or any of that. I’ve never cared about that face of the fandom. I’ve never cared about making up rando ships, I’ve never cared about exactly how any given relationship plays itself out, I just enjoy the ride and address it as it does indeed play out. Most shipping culture still pisses me the fuck off with its dialogue, as I’ve made very clear. But because I’m acknowledging the text instead of denying what keeps happening more centrally and critically every year on screen, I’d be called a shipper. Because I’m tired of watching people spew logic even most children could pick apart in an endless roundabout of negativity, because I have no tolerance for absolute horse shit and fandom whining so I just lay out counters to bad talking points, I’d be called a shipper.

But 13.5ish is when I finally let myself start emotionally receiving the content rather than barring it off in a distant wall of exhausted old gay that knows their media too well. Why? Because it already completed and went above and beyond every element of the original way they painted the original goddamn endgame and I guess because I won’t set unfair bars against queer relationships and set them at Extra Hard Difficulty, I’m a shipper. IDK. This fandom fucking exhausts me. Fandom culture in general exhausts me.

[mittensmorgul]

Well, color me shocked. I gave up on Destiel exactly two years ago and started watching the show again for the brothers, because I didn't think we'd ever come close to getting Destiel, but the entire S15 has had so little of Sam and Dean, and so much of Destiel. Looks like SPN is gonna end up as the story of how Dean finds lastiing love in the form of a guardian angel.

Huh, I’m more interested in why you gave up on Destiel two years ago. :’D

I keep seeing people say that, that the narrative somehow stopped, and destiel was ignored. And I find it completely mystifying, because I’ve watched two years of pretty consistently ramping up destiel.

Not the flashy-but-not-terribly-deep innuendo and tension of early seasons, but “please someone give these two some marriage counselling” real stuff that built their individual and joint emotional arcs into the structure of the entire narrative... and I’m wondering why that drove so many people to give up on destiel around that time. 

Because all that quiet buildup has formed the foundation for the “destiel divorce” folks are reveling in now. That year and a half of slowly deconstructing all the “problems” in their relationship, their miscommunication, their personal issues of guilt and feeling undeserving were given the attention by the entire narrative or this “breakup” now wouldn’t mean shit, you know? That quiet year and a half is WHY this breakup hurts so much now.

show: spends 2 seasons breaking down dean and cas as individuals to highlight exactly what their personal issues are that stand in the way of seeing each other clearly and understanding how the other feels about them

destiel shippers: well i guess they’re tanking the ship

show: demonstrates the result of this two years of work culminating in the voicing of all those uncertanties and doubts with the blowup that resulted in a Very Obvious Brekaup Scenario

destiel shippers: THIS IS WHAT WE WERE WAITING FOR DURING OUR LONG DROUGHT OF DESTIEL THEY ARE FINALLY WRITING IT AGAIN

like... they’ve been writing it all along... without those two years of setup, this breakup scenario would’ve been meaningless...

I’m wondering if this is the complete disconnect that folks who didn’t see the potential in Samwitch are suffering, because all the quiet destiel issues over the last two seasons were directly paralleled in Sam and Rowena’s interactions. Refusal to see one might result in refusal to see the other...

GAH there’s so much I want to delve into here, but I’ve been called delusional enough lately for my taste. Apparently discussing canon isn’t allowed on certain topics anymore, unless you have the Correct™ understanding of the narrative. >.>

Sorry I turned your message around like this, but sometimes I just think I’m watching a different show. :’D

[koryuoftheriverflow]

Ok, like... nothing coerent is gonna come out of this rambling, but I am so fucking excited about next season.  I was worried about this finale, because the show wasn’t going in a direction I particularly liked (I haven’t been reading a lot of metas lately, so I probably missed a lot of clues that this was going to happen, I only knew Chuck was coming back and that free will was going to play a part, but you know... I’ve been so disappointed by my favourite shows lately, I wasn’t counting on Spn to reverse the trend). And then they give me this. Like, I love you a lot. Things that I loved in no particular order: 1. Cas standing up for his son, no matter what. I loved his character arc during this season and especially in these final episodes. I’m really glad he’s found a purpose and has accepted that he is family. 2. Sam also choosing to stand by Jack’s side, even if it meant going against Dean and God himself. You made the right choice, dear. 3. Jack trying his very best to be good, even without a soul. You do, my sweet nougat child. 4. The moment Chuck tells the boys he doesn’t like Billie, my mind flashed back to that conversation between Dean and Death, when he told him that one day he was gonna reap God as well. My level of excitment skyrocketed in an instant.  5. Sam understanding the ugly truth about Chuck and telling him to go screw himself. Yes, baby! Sam was always the one who gave him the benefit of the doubt, I’m happy he’s now standing up to him. 6. Less important, but... when Chuck said that he didn’t particularly enjoy the Leviathans and the British Men of Letters? Loved this funny little meta moment. 7. The End. As some of you already know, The End is, to this day, in my top 5 episodes of Spn. I still love it a lot. And for years my wish had been that, if the show had to end tragically, it would do it that way. Things have changed, obviously, and I believe the show will have a happy ending (happy for spn, at least). Still, I screamed when I heard Chuck say that. 8. I love a circular structure (that’s way I would have been content with the season 11 ending), so you can imagine how loud I yelled when I saw the woman in white. We’re going back to season 1, guys, and to all those monsters we encountered in these 15 years. We’re coming full circle and I cannot wait. 9. The Destiel moments, because of course I have to talk about those. Dean and Cas’s marriage is crumbling because they basically can’t decide what to do with their son (and is it a coincidence that Jack focuses on the mlm couple breaking up and the divorced parents talking to their child? I think not), and Sam knows it. I’m glad that by the end of the episode Dean changed his mind and hopefully he and Cas will resolve their issues next season. 10. Last but not least... we’re killing God!! Of course, it’s the last season. We needed a big bad, and who’s bigger than God himself?? I’m so hyped. Team Free Will against Fate. Season 15 won’t come soon enought.

[charlie-minion]

The thing about wanting textual Destiel before endgame, is that the longer there is between them getting together and the end of the show, the more danger there is of them then breaking up or something terrible happening to them, because that's how TV drama works. Sure, it would be nice to get Destiel sooner rather than later, but it might be in our best interests, if we want a happy ending, for it to be later.

EXACTLY! Icouldn’t have said it better. When people think the show is going to give usDean and Cas being together without any sort of drama between them I alwayswonder:

It’s notjust that they’re two dudes but that they’re main characters in a genre show.When have the Winchesters ever had a “happy”long-lasting relationship? The whole show has proved again and again the boyscan’t have a happy life with someone they love. The promise of “good things do happen” is there, but it’s gotta be atthe end. I don’t see it happening before that.

This makes me remember Ross and Rachel from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. They were a canon couple longbefore the show reached its final season and what happened? The show needed itsdose of drama, so they turned Ross into a cheater and Rachel into someoneincapable of moving on every time Ross got a new girlfriend. They made themmarry while drunk and then divorce (seriously?). They made them become fuckbuddies and have a daughter but not get back together because reasons! They evencame up with the whole Rachel and Joey arc that was absurd. When they finallygot back together, some people were not even pleased anymore because of all thecrap that had happened between them. And when did they get together? In theshow’s finale!

In the caseof Supernatural, I believe the boys will be dealingwith something huge in the final season. It could totally be the next one so that we have AU Michaeland the threat of the Apocalypse again. That’s probably why the show’s bringingout so many pieces to raise the stakes. Lucifer, Michael, Gabriel… Jack, a superpowerful Rowena, Mary, AU Bobby, AU Kevin… maybe even God shows up again atthe end of the final season. Who knows! But I don’t think when they finallydecide the show has to end, things are gonna be pretty. They’ll most likelywant to reach a level of hopelessness similar to the one we felt back in season5.

In themiddle of so much angst, Dean and Cas getting together would be the end goal, the prize, not somethingto throw in the middle. Why would they give Dean comfort in the middle of aseason? Unless, as you stated above, something terrible happened immediatelyafter they kissed and acknowledged their feelings for each other, like Casgetting killed (god forbid) or them being separated, just to increase thepain and the drama. Would that be better? I don’t know. All I know is Icertainly want Cas and Dean fighting side by side along with Sam and theirallies. I don’t want Cas to be a fucking damsel in distress for the sake ofdrama and I would hate the show forever if they gave us canon Destiel just tokill Cas off after. So, give me endgame Destiel and I’m good.

Deangetting his happy ending after surviving one last battle where the whole worldwas at risk AGAIN makes more sense to me. (I hope Sam gest his happy ending too.Dabb, please, I’m begging you, bring Eileen back!)

SinceWayward Sisters won’t be dealing with Heaven or Hell, I would appreciate it ifsomehow the show ended with both gates closed forever, Dean thinking that helost Cas for good and suddenly getting him back as his “you did well” presentfrom God or whatever. Bonus points if we get a scene where Cas himself asksChuck to go back to Earth and Chuck tells him the only way is if he goes backas human and Cas says he’d rather be human and go home than stay an angelforever in a place he doesn’t belong. I’d want him to choose to be humanwithout having to sacrifice his grace for the sake of saving the world orsaving the Winchesters. I’d want him to do it because it’s what he wants andwhat would make him happy.

Of course,these are just speculations. Destiel could be made canon before the very end ofthe show, but in my case I don’t see it happening that way. If it does, then GREAT! Nothingin the world would make me complain about Dean and Cas being acknowledged as aromantic pairing before the show is over (as long as the two of them continue alive).

This is nothing more than my personal opinion,so people please refrain from taking my words as something that will imminentlyhappen, mostly if it’s not your jam.

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs (round #4) + commentary

Time for another (mostly) Destiel fic rec round-up post before my bookmarks get out of control! This one’s a mix of longer and some shorter fics (or series thereof), no particular theme except I guess a lot of angst, hurting Cas, and all the other things that tickle my Id. Several Season 9 human!Cas divergence fics, plus some later season angst-fests and rewrites.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) (52k) The first of two fics by this author which I absolutely fell in love with! Canon-divergence from the end of Season 11. Cas finds himself blasted to Naples, Italy by the banishing sigil in the bunker and he stumbles — almost literally — into a sexy, delightful Italian Man of Letters, Luca. When he makes his way back to the bunker and finds Dean still alive, he tries to confess his feelings but Dean panics and shuts him down. Cas goes back in Italy soon thereafter and ends up beginning a relationship with Luca, much to Dean’s chagrin. Meanwhile Sam is still missing and it turns out there may be some dangerous individuals who are out for Cas more so than even the Winchesters. 

I loved everything about this fic so much - Luca is an amazing OC, the Naples and London locations are wonderfully evoked and took me straight back to places I’d been. The angst, the pacing, the plotting and the eventual Dean/Cas getting together are all amazing and this is definitely on my re-read in the future list.

The rest of my recs below the cut!

My heart is beating from me by Enochian Things (Salr323) (55k) The other fic by this author that I literally inhaled in one day! Season 9 Human!Cas canon divergence. It’s been months since Sam and Dean have heard from Cas, and when they do, it’s in the form of a wedding invitation. Cas is getting married to Daphne - the woman who “rescued” him and named him Emmanuel when he’d lost all his memories post-Leviathans. It seems Cas went back to her while on his own and they’ve rekindled their relationship...whatever it is. Dean just knows something isn’t right about her, so he sets out to investigate and try to figure out WTF Cas is doing before it’s too late. 

This story is so, so good! The case Dean gets Cas to come along on is unique and provides a neat investigation subplot, but what’s so especially wonderful is the explanation the author gives of who Daphne really is — and why she’d been so cool about just having a strange man with no memories move in to be her “husband” (and then want to marry him for real a couple years later, after he’d vanished from her life!) In fact it’s so brilliant I’m basically accepting it as my Daphne headcanon from now on and I don’t want to spoil it. The fic is also great in exploring Cas still struggling with understanding human emotions, customs and etiquette, Sam is A Very Good Friend, and Dean is, well, Dean. (I’m just sad this author hasn’t written more SPN fics because what they have is just brilliant.)

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k) Wonderful, shorter Season 9 canon divergence fic by an author who consistently makes me happy. Human!Cas leaves the bunker with a few things to get off the ground from Dean and directions to connect with Garth...but he ditches that plan to try to find his way on his own. It’s wonderfully detailed about the basic struggles of survival, finding work, making ends meet and trying to make some new friends...and why it’s important for him to prove he can make it on his own before he’s willing to welcome Dean (back) into his life.

I Through My Window See by deHavilland (26k) This is an interesting one, written well before we had canon human!Cas in Season 9. Canon-divergence in which Cas remains human after they avert the apocalypse in Season 5. Sam and Dean set him up in an apartment in Sioux Falls and then...just kind of abandon him there. He spends most of a year just barely existing before a visit from Sam finally stirs him out of his inertia and depression, to eventually get a job and also start hunting on his own. This is an interesting read, if just to see an author exploring the idea of human!Cas abandoned by Dean a few years before it actually...ended up becoming canon! I love how Cas is written in this (it’s a story much like the next one on my list that I thought does an amazing, realistic job of capturing what depression feels like), but I do have some issues with Dean. It’s never fully resolved or explained why Dean was being such an ass so I honestly wasn’t totally sold on the ending - I wanted some more out of Dean, some more explanation or apology or something. It’s a story that would have been great to have a sequel from Dean’s POV but after all this time, that will just have to exist in my brain, I suppose! Still worth a read because it’s excellently written, Cas becomes totally bad ass again by the end and it’s always fun to read early SPN fic speculating on future developments.

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k) I found myself inhaling a bunch of wonderful short ficlets by this author the other day, but this is the one I had to stop at to rec. It’s another Season 9 divergence fic, of a sort - Cas is newly human, for the sake of the story there’s no Abbadon to worry about, Sam is healed...and Sam wants to move out and get on with his own life. Cas and Dean are both struggling with adapting to their new lives and it’s a hauntingly rich and stark portrayal of depression, inertia, and the slow healing process of accepting and adapting to change. I also liked that this story gives us a Dean who is a little more aware of his feelings for Cas and they both struggle to reach out to each other - for once it’s not sexuality causing a crisis of identity but all the other shit they are coping with.

Don't Sing Love Songs by ireallydidthistomyself (17k). I’m not normally a big fan of baby/toddler!Jack fics - I like the angst that he was forced to grow up too quickly, and in general I’m not big on kid!fic in fandom. This author’s work is a big exception to that. They’ve written several stories along a similar theme: Cas raising Jack on his own/in secret for years, Dean only finding them or coming back into their lives later on. But this is the version of that idea that really packed the most punch for me and was incredibly emotionally satisfying. Dean finds Cas after 6 years, where he’s kept Jack mostly isolated and safe from the world. But with Dean allowed back into his life, Cas may be inviting grave danger upon Jack as well. This one ripped my heart out but managed to make it all better by the end.

Better Ways to Kill Our Time by always_a_birthday_girl (8k) I don’t know why I torture myself reading Dean-in-the-Ma’lak-box AUs, but I do. I think because it’s pretty much my biggest nightmare/horror and for some reason it’s cathartic while terrifying? Anyway here’s one where Dean goes through with his plan, Cas crashes and burns for most of a year, until Dean finally starts doing what he promised he wouldn’t: praying to him. Cas figures out a way to communicate back and over the distance, they manage to have certain conversations they should have years before. It’s painful but lovely and there is a happy ending, so it’s well worth the read!

Time Flows Like Water and We're Drowning by triedunture (7.9k) A little break from the later-seasons stuff I (mostly?) read, featuring a seriously hot (but angsty) Cas/Endverse!Cas/Dean threesome. When Zacariah’s plan to show Dean the future doesn’t change his mind about taking on his “responsibility”, he sends Endverse!Cas back in time to try to convince Cas instead, showing him what he’s to become. I don’t think Zac expected it to turn into a threesome, but it’s hot and beautiful and sad and wonderful all at once. 

hachikireru by vaudelin  (23k) At one point I went on a wallow-fest of reading a bunch of sad 14x20-15x03 divorce-arc fics. Just to hurt myself more, I guess. I know this fic’s been recced around a lot (at least on fail_fandomanon) and I can see why! After leaving the bunker, Cas ends up in Sioux Falls to visit Claire. She’s busy tracking down leads to find Kaia’s killer and he decides to go along with her on one such hunt. But what they find is an unexpected supernatural threat targeting those with broken hearts. Well. I think you know where that might be leading. This is a wonderful casefic with lots of character moments between Cas & Claire and then Cas & Dean, working through their pain and angst and just...it’s a very satisfying read.

Moriah Codas: A Trilogy by Toomanyfandoms99 (11k total) A series of 3 shorter fics spinning off the events of 14x20, developing a slightly divergent universe the author’s written where Cas does have his wings back and has helped resurrect a few of the angels (Balthazar, Gabriel, and Samandriel in particular). This series is absolutely heartbreaking — Cas is completely broken by Jack’s loss, has “fallen out of love” with Dean after he was ready to kill Jack, and sees no way back to what he’d had and felt before. He’s determined to just let the Empty take him...but not until he and his assembled squad of “avenging angels” clean up the mess Chuck has created, smiting zombies and taking out super-powered monsters across North America. 

Cas’s motorcycle gang/angel squad is so fucking awesome (I want a happy fic where they do this!) and this is BAMF!Cas at his finest. I just have to include a quote:

He set down the empty glass, and Gabriel said, “well, dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to kick some zombie ass. Since they have chosen to amass in Carthage, we are here to take out as many as we can without causing this town to flip the fuck out. Are we in agreement?”

“I expect,” Balthazar grinned, “a full-on bar brawl. Do not disappoint me.”

“Cassie, Driel,” Gabriel addressed the duo, “how are we with weapons?”

“I have enough machetes in a storage facility uptown to film a Jackie Chan movie,” Castiel said.

But it’s also utterly and completely heartbreaking, so don’t read this one if you need a happy ending. If you do read, check out the author’s other later-season coda fics and fic series as they are all really great.

to mend what is not broken by gothyringwald (2.6k) This last short one I’ve mentioned before, but I just have to rec it again! It was my gift for the 2021 Hurt Comfort Gift Exchange and it’s everything I wanted, and more. Sweet and caring Dean, wounded but still prideful Cas, and some lovely wing!kink/wing!care that pushes all of my button just right.

Anyway, that’s it for now as I think this is long enough. If you enjoy my recs, could you let me know? I try to not just list titles but give some commentary...as it helps me re-find stories I enjoyed the most, too!

[finaledenialist]

ok what about afterglow by taylor as a song for the destiel divorce arc

Ah, someone with excellent taste. Thank you. 

OF COURSE YOU ARE RIGHT. And this is the rare example of a song written from Dean’s point of view. 

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue Put you in jail for something you didn't do I pinned your hands behind your back, oh Thought I had reason to attack, but no

Now if we’re talking about 15x03 then I kind of agree and kind of not because after all Dean was angry at Cas because of the death of his mother, right. But then, Sam wasn’t nearly as angry or devastated so. Was this blown out of proportion? Hard to say, actually. 

Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there's no us Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say

I mean these lyrics speak for themselves, right? These lines make me think of ‘and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad I have a lot of regrets about that’ from this is me trying but the ‘chemistry’ line also immediately brings to mind ‘we’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks’ from Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse Of The Heart which in itself is also a destiel song and in this essay I will-

It's so excruciating to see you low Just wanna lift you up and not let you go This ultraviolet morning light below Tells me this love is worth the fight

*here insert every gifset ever of Dean looking at Cas like he found what was missing his whole miserable life* It’s excruciating to see you low but I am still going to pretend that I am mad and act like a bitch towards you because I am a man who never learned how to process emotions in a healthy way and you have to deal with that and deep inside I feel shittier and shittier every day this continues but I am not going to break the silence

I lived like an island, punished you with silence Went off like sirens, just crying Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

PLEASE, this is the purgatory prayer from 15x09 in four verses. I don’t know why I get so angry.... and the prayer continues: 

Hey, it's all me in my head I'm the one who burned us down But it's not what I meant, I'm sorry that I hurt you I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow 

I have this small headcanon you know. Because in 15x09 we don’t actually get to see when Cas was missing. They split up and we stay with Dean. And when Dean finds him, Cas says that some Leviathans jumped him and he had to fight them back, blah, blah. Ok now consider this. Cas looking for that flower they were looking for. But he is kind of hopeless. Because the way Dean treated him. Because Dean is angry and seems like he won’t forgive him. Basically Dean treats him like shit. And he is still so in love with this man who treats him like that. And we know Cas has issues. So. Imagine that yes, he is attacked but. Does he really fight back? What would be his motivation? Does he have any in him? He’s probably more like: you know what, this might as well happen this way. And then. AND THEN he hears Dean praying to him. And suddenly there is hope and light everywhere and he smites the Leviathans in no time. How about this. Uh ok enough of me rambling incoherently;

Tell me that you're still mine Tell me that we'll be just fine Even when I lose my mind I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault Tell me that I'm all you want Even when I break your heart

Cas I need to say something...

And you know what. Cas says that to him, 9 episodes later. 

[incarnateirony]

*chef's kiss* Your "honk honk" seems of a different... attitude. I can't help but think you got information, and I wonder if it's the "‘Supernatural’ Boss on Season 15’s ‘Chance to Let Both Boys Be the Star of Their Own Story’" interview on Variety. If it's nothing, that's cool. If it's something else, I'm intrigued. Most of all, /if/ you write something about it, I/we always love hearing your thoughts. 🤡🤡

Hokay so this is going to be difficult to write out, because I do want to clear this up. Given, it took considerably longer than I intended, a few life kidnappings and one really strong IPA later, so if I get rambly, forgive me, I’m kinda buzzed.

That said, arrogant as it may sound, I’ve been told many times that people take me as a sort of seat of common sense and realism in this fandom, and “honk honk” can have many readings, so let me explain where I’m at in regards to the show, our canon, DeanCas and everything in this tangled web.

For those somewhat new to my blog, I didn’t really “ship it” until season 13, episode 5-6; I’d argue myself in reverse that my foundation was shaken by 12.19 in reverse, so put it somewhere in that time frame. Before that, I simply defended the validity and, frankly, sanity of Destiel fandom for seeing what they saw after years of them being gaslit, times confusion spawned from fandom levels that birthed all kinds of weird bitterness.

I kept it at arms length because realistically, on a production level, it just wasn’t a thing until somewhere in the ballpark of S12, which is when I joined fandom, and for a reason I will continue to vague blog about but I think some people have picked up on.

Even still, I have always endorsed being mindful of ones’ own emotions and expectations, and despite my honk honk, that still floats as a background element to everything I am about to say.

The TL;DR is that, quite frankly, any babbling about marketing or production issues aside, since season 14, Andrew Dabb has been seriously fucking my head up. Seriously.

I don’t know how long you’ve been with me, Nonnie; but early S14 I started blogging about the God of Control, Ialdaboath, Abraxas and other shit but also said I had no faith in it since in S11 already the network shut down killing god for fear of pissing off the fundies, and still, making him the villain holds about the same effect even if cruising on technicality. I built entire meta series pondering the pattern and direction of our canon, laying out how it was due to be Chuck, in reflection of Yellow Eyes and the sins of the Father, and then Dabb turned around and smacked my reservation out of my mouth in 14.20.

I spent hiatus blogging on about the next alchemical step being death of the relationship for birth of something new by Art and Lovers arcana; I referenced that old meta project, but spent equal time dismissing the balance of it, too Destiel, too front facing, to not expect it at all. Season 15 turns around smacking us with divorce and marriage shit all around and knocked that reservation out of my mouth too.

I blogged about Belphegor and patterns having a DeanCas breakup by 15.03 within mythology, but not to expect it to be forward facing; and ep 3 was so loud TVG and soap reporters started calling a spade a spade. Dabb knocked that reservation out of my mouth.

Structurally speaking, we continue to tread forward into louder and louder territory, and any time I try to apply any form of reservationist logic to it, Dabb cockslaps me into the dirt so hard I don’t know what to call logic anymore.

The interview may be part of it, for sure, but full honest I’ve been honking since before that.

Now, what “honking” is lacks a specific goalpost. As someone fully at peace with the level of effort our crew has been giving us beyond restrictions, as someone respecting the low key textuality plugged into this season even if it failed to meet “good representation” boundaries as people have identified, or the performative release anyone’s after, I have no specific expectation beyond:

Louder.

It’s going to get louder. It’s going to get harder, and harder to miss. And they aren’t shy about it anymore.

When it comes to corporate level shenanigans, there’s other things at play; some associated with certain topics I vagueblog about; others less vaguebloggy but related, like the WB losing 5 of its and its sister companies’ CEOs in the last year and complete corporate turnover that led to Pedowitz’s recent promotion to make CW more self-standing without babysitting as much by its parent company (not even minding the CBS-facing Moonves disaster which makes it 6 in CW’s blast radius).

Whether it be the first-female-WB-CEO making a change in how the business is handling its business decisions and marketing decisions, or simple “Forgotten Child Syndrome” that has given Dabberens the right to get away with everything but murder, in all we know of the crew, and all we see, the direction is only one thing: Louder.

And for that, I’ll gladly honk to death right now.

This crew is taking it as far as they can, and I will gladly blast the circus music announcing them in their wake.

We have truly reached a “roll the dice” point, which at no other point in history have we been at a horizon of beyond the curtain. We could still turn up snake eyes. That’s fine. Or we could nat 20. Or it could be a tepid 10. But the fact that the dice are rolling at all – honk honk.

I don’t know what’s real or logic anymore at this point, it’s one big muddy mess. So I may as well enjoy the ride, throw the dice, honk my heart out and see just how far these fuckers manage to sling us. 

But if I could get in a TARDIS and zap back to season 7 fandom and try to tell them what was going on, right here, season 15, the final season, with Dean and Cas, everybody would tell me I was on crack or full of shit, and that’s the kind of perspective this bitter ass fandom desperately needs to wrap their heads around and hands over rather than being lost to waves of irrelevant arguments.

I mean let’s look at S8-9 fandom that weren’t paying attention to the production curve at the time. A large sum convinced themselves it was “going to go canon”. But where, when, how? What was canon? They didn’t know, they just knew they got mad when a corp exec went “dafuq is a Destiel” in sum, because he was rightfully blindsided and everybody went bananas and didn’t come down from it since. If you had asked them then what “going canon” meant, you’d get a million different answers much less explanations why they thought it, some being really bizarre meta about fish or other RANDOM shit that literally makes you go “the FUCK?”.

And that has plagued the DeanCas community ever since, frequently addressed as “moving goalposts”, wherein person just needs XYZ and then it happens so somebody else makes a new thing they want and so on into eternity.

But as of late I’ve noticed a large, and I mean large section of fandom has detected certain patterns in Dabb era and have pretty unilaterally set an idea– for example, fandom has come to realize Korrasami, right down to the handholding, seems to be putting off beacons and pulses in the show time and time again. It’s not the loud rep some want, but a great deal of people are out here, seeing this groundwork laid down. There’s a how and a where and a when and I really can’t think of any other time in the history of this fandom that’s actually been in conversation, and I don’t think fandom has really grokked that as a difference, as well. 

Because it’s, for the first time, actually been handled like a genuine potential. How far that potential goes is up in the air, but it’s no longer punch line subtext or weird “oops I tripped and fell in the gay” shit. It’s not even just lowkey background parallels. It’s entire goddamn story arcs crafted front and center with loud cultural resonances, partial text level breaking dynamics and more, just lacking the affirmative sentiments people want– and suddenly, fandom actually has a formulative idea of what those sentiments might look like in the show.

And that my friends? That’s different.

Honk honk.

[mittensmorgul]

The Empty says he'll come for Cas when he's happy and I've been thinking that meant he had a heart to heart with Dean but isn't it more likely that his acceptance of his previous decisions will be what summons the Empty? He feels so much guilt for Heaven and the fall, etc. But he saw the AU and what would have happened if he'd not made his own choices. And we saw how terrified of heaven he is now, that he knows they're all shades of evil. So, maybe self forgiveness is the trigger and not Dean?

eep I have not had enough coffee for this yet… :P

Let’s start with the assumption that Cas is a multidimensional character with issues on a lot of fronts. Dean is not his sole reason for being, and not his sole emotional issue, you know?

That said, he knows the current situation in Heaven. Not only that, he knows that while he’s played a part in Heaven’s earlier problems, he’s been working harder than all the other angels put together trying to fix what’s wrong there– both as a result of his (and other angels’) actions in the past (because remember the whole apocalypse thing was NOT his idea and he has PROOF from GOD that he’s the one who kept trying to do the right thing… by the sheer fact that he was the one repeatedly resurrected, you know?) as well as now.

He’s consistently done everything in his own power to help Heaven, and aside from that one time he’d been partially taken over by the Leviathan and killed swaths of angels in “punishment” as Godstiel and that other time he was lied to and tricked into helping Metatron complete the angel fall spell (because he fully believed it would lock all the angels IN Heaven, not dump them out), Heaven’s problems really aren’t his fault, you know? There’s only so many times one angel can plead to all the others to let the past go, to accept that the world has changed, and that they either need to change with it or die…

Since then he has gone so far out of his way to try to make amends that it’s beyond ridiculous. I mean, I was just watching 11.02 a few hours ago, and even the angel who is probably Cas’s last “friend” in Heaven– Hannah– has played a part in Cas’s torture and manipulation. Cas had asked for help, and was the one angel who had a decent idea of the gravity of the situation with the Darkness, and yet even Hannah was ready to punish him in order to get Sam and Dean’s location out of him. NOT to talk with them and discover what had happened, but to punish and kill them for what they’d done.

There is no reasoning with angels. Cas had accepted that. The next time he asked for Heaven’s help (in 11.22), it was as a direct messenger of God, and he still had to beg, even when he had the authority of God behind him. So what did he really expect from Heaven? When Heaven approached HIM in 12.15, it was under the assumption that he would “repent” for what he’d done and return to them, and abandon his nonsense on Earth and with the Winchesters. But he firmly declared that no, he was doing all of this for the Winchesters. It was Heaven’s insistence they handle Dagon and Kelly their way that led to even more angel deaths.

Then they continued the same sort of campaign in s13– first attempting to kill Jack and then not letting anything stand in their way to capturing Jack to use his powers to “fix” Heaven. Dumah tried to ask for Cas’s help in “convincing” Jack to essentially be their magical little slave, but the truth was that the angels selfishly wanted to use Jack like some sort of battery, and not like a person. Which is honestly horrific.

I think that meeting his alternate version in the AU was more about understanding the differences between what he COULD have been versus what he IS. I don’t think it’s a matter of him realizing that Heaven is “evil” or corrupt or just flat-out wrong. Those were things he already knew. It was more about him being able to take his destiny into his own hands quite literally. Killing his AU self who’d been brainwashed and damaged beyond all recognition, precisely because he was never forced to consider free will, isn’t just about Dean having been the one to keep that door open for him, you know? Yes, the entire process never would’ve begun without Dean, but on every other level that mattered, the choices and actions came down to what Castiel chose for himself. Killing his AU self was entirely about him. They were even alone in that scene, you know? That was about Cas himself facing this. Not about proving Heaven was evil, or would torture him into compliance, or even about the fact that Dean had essentially saved him from that fate. It was about HIM, and what breaking free of Heaven’s control had finally allowed him to become. Which seems like a subtle difference, because yes Dean has been the catalyst (repeatedly, over the last ten years, opening the door in the first place and then continuing to support him to the point where he’s irrevocably become A Winchester himself in every way that matters, through trials and hard times as well as through successes), but the important thing to remember is that Cas could’ve chosen a different path at any point (like he did in s6), and yet over and over he continued to choose free will, even when he wasn’t sure it was the right thing, and even when he didn’t get it quite right. Reducing all of that to be “because Dean” is kinda reductive.

Obviously this summary here is seriously glossing over a lot. This is in no way everything that’s happened here, but just a quick lil refresher leading up to what I’m about to say… which is:

Cas has been making his peace with Heaven, and with himself, for a really long time. He’s even (shockingly) been given a sort of absolution from Naomi of all people, back in 13.19 when she walked him to the door and let him go. Then in 14.08 she acknowledged that Cas’s motives may not have been putting Heaven first in taking the actions he did to save them from the Empty Entity, which in itself is a sort of forgiveness or acceptance of who Cas is, and she also specifically THANKED him.

Naomi, at least (and probably Dumah) are now beginning to understand Cas and the fact he hasn’t been “working against Heaven” all this time, but searching for a better way, balancing the needs and wants of Heaven with the needs and wants of humanity on Earth. Because it’s never been “us or them,” as SO many angels have been convinced of over the years. This is not a black and white issue, on any level.

So when it comes to what could make Cas perfectly happy, what would trigger his deal with the empty, I think it must first and foremost be about Cas himself.

Even having Heaven’s forgiveness and acceptance wasn’t enough to trigger the deal. Even saving Jack wasn’t enough. Even reunited with the Winchesters as a family wasn’t enough. Because while I feel that yes, Dean will of course play a major part in Cas achieving that happiness, because Dean has ALWAYS been the major trigger for ALL of Cas’s growth over the years, it wouldn’t be as simplistic as some romantic declaration, you know? Because Cas as a character is so much more than that.

But since you asked me what I thought of this, I’m gonna tell you.

I’m not entirely sure it will ever come to this. I’m not sure they won’t find some other resolution to Cas’s deal before it comes to them laying out Cas’s happiness trigger on the table that blatantly, you know?

Not to mention, this is the sort of speculation I personally hate, because it’s based on the assumption that we’re looking at this from the right direction. And we literally have no way to know if we’re somehow obsessing over the entirely wrong thing, or interpreting it correctly.

Right now, this entire question and response is grounded on unstable foundations. It’s nothing more than a theoretical exercise, because we have no way to know what will actually be important by the end of the season. I can suggest that thematically and from a character perspective this will come down to Cas’s choices and his own opinion of himself, and that Dean will likely play a role as a catalyst in making his choice. But outside of that… I’m not even sure if the rest of this will ever actually be relevant in the first place. Because we’ve made the ASSUMPTION that we’re correct in believing this must come down to some sort of confrontation between Cas and the Empty, or that we will definitively have a singular moment of Absolute Happiness with unqualified certitude that it was One Singular Thing that sparked Cas’s doom. And that’s just… not how this works. At least not from the speculation side of things.

I mean, this is an interesting question from a purely theoretical standpoint, because it was interesting enough to me to spend the last two hours typing this nonsense up. But outside of this reply having been an interesting thought exercise for me, I don’t think there’s really any conclusion to be made. I think the question is unanswerable, because we don’t even know yet if canon will bear it out as a valid question in the first place, you know?

I really hope that makes sense. It’s just frustrating to me that there’s even this hemming and hawing over speculation like this, as if it has to be Destiel or Not-Destiel, and those are the only two valid assumptions going forward. Because that assumption negates all of this ^^, that yes of course it is all about Cas and his choices and being able to forgive himself and hopefully understand himself enough to make those choices about who and what he wants to be, but you literally cannot divorce Dean’s presence in Cas’s life and his influence in every one of Cas’s choices over the last almost 11 years from what Cas inevitably will choose for himself. 

I’m not saying that Cas will choose xyz thing because of Dean’s influence (hur hur), or because Dean pushed him into choosing it. Cas’s story arc is still primarily about HIM, just like Dean’s is primarily about Dean, and Sam’s is primarily about Sam. That’s how main characters function in a narrative, you know? But they also don’t function in a vacuum. What makes up the narrative is how each of the characters relate to the others, and how all of their choices are influenced by and consequently affect the others.

So at the very root, I think the question is looking to establish some false duality that it must be one or the other thing, that one of these things will be The Truth™ and will therefore negate or invalidate the other. And that’s just… not how this works. I think that really does a disservice to Castiel as a character, reducing him to a plot device when this has literally been his character arc since s4, made essential to the ongoing narrative structure since at least s8