#Dichotomy of Control

[laestoica]

[raffaellopalandri]

Problem-Solving and Decision-Making: A Process-Driven Approach to Mastery

Since when I was a kid, think 5 years old, I discovered that I excelled in both problem-solving and decision-making. Later in life, I became aware that they also are fundamental to our human experience, shaping our lives, careers, and relationships. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com They are often seen as skills one either possesses or lacks. However, a process-driven perspective reveals…

[andythecarpathian]

I'm not indifferent. I just have a solid understanding of the dichotomy of control.

[ace-and-ranty]

No, but the implications of Ran and Moraine's talk is so INTERESTING, because.

Everyone in this age thinks the submit/dominate dichotomy when using the One Power is a gendered thing. Women submit, men dominate. As is, I understand, the case in the books.

But this conversation implies the divide is not actually gendered, it's about the quantities of power involved. Once there's too much power in a weave, you need to be in control of it, or it washes you away. And this would be extremely significant in explaining why the Aes Sedai have gotten so much less powerful; they think they need to submit to channel always, so they simply can't handle more powerful weaves.

[kimkhimhant]

kim is so fascinating because of how quickly he switches course between hot and cold. when Chay shows up at his studio, in the time between seeing him and Chay's confession, Kim fully looks like he's about to dismiss chay and send him away. and then chay confesses and kim kisses his cheek and looks delighted when chay hugs him. when they're lying on chay's couch, kim seems to be flipflopping by the second: he looks blissed out, and then regretful, and then scared, and content, and then remorseful. he smiles at the food he's served, and then the moment chay's back is turned, kim is preparing to flee. when chay confronts him outside his apartment after learning his identity, after kim fought to protect him, kim is so dismissive, at first, and then his expression shifts to something that is pure grief, and then he's brushing it off and pushing chay's hand away and saying a "sorry" that doesn't sound sincere at all even though it clearly is, based on that grief that we literally just saw.

as the audience, its so hard to know what kim is thinking through all of this. he seems to controlled and careful, but i think the rapid back and forth of his behavior and expressions is proof that he's not. someone who knows what he wants and how to get it would not be so unstable in his behavior. kim is battling himself and his feelings and his upbringing and he's a mess. everything about kim's character is a constant fight for control over everything and everyone, and i think its because in reality he feels like he has no control over anything, not even himself.

[nilesmoon]

things that are nonsensical but make sense to ME

[scoobydoodean]

Okay now it's time for an extensive breakdown of Sam's incredibly manipulative pleading at the end of 4.21 that I was making fun of yesterday.

My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me.

There are many lies packed into these two sentences and I want to go through them one by one.

Lie 1: Sam always does what Dean wants to do.

Sam presents his whole life as a life where he has always done what Dean wanted. Sam suggests he has never deviated from Dean's wishes.

However, on many occasions when Sam and Dean have arrived at an impasse, Sam simply went his own way, which directly contradicts his claim that he always takes Dean's lead.

1.11: Dean wants to go on a case John directed them toward, and Sam wants to go to Sacremento to search for John (who doesn't want to be found) with nothing but an area code. He has Dean pull the car over, then gets out and leaves. Sam and Dean later talk on the phone and apologize to each other, but with the understanding they'll both go their own way. Sam gets worried when Dean doesn't respond to his calls (because he's been kidnapped) and abandons his plan to take a bus to California of his own accord.

1.12: Sam tricks Dean into seeing a faith healer by saying they're going to see "A specialist".

1.20: Sam starts a screaming match with John over him telling them to take the next exit on the highway, while Dean complains about them both being insufferable and always getting into petty fights.

2.10: Dean begs that they just lay low for a while and take a break and think (after he reveals John's last words). Sam runs off.

3.05: Dean shoots down Sam's plan to threaten a crossroad's demon (with The Colt) into breaking Dean's contract. Sam sneaks out at night to summon a crossroad's demon anyway and threaten her, and then kills her when she doesn't do what he wants.

3.09: Sam stops Dean from killing Ruby.

3.10: Sam steals a hair off Dean's head so he can go into Dean's dreams with him and insists he is going when Dean objects that he doesn't want Sam in his mind.

3.11: Sam kills Dean at one point on accident when Dean tries to end his reign of terror with the owner of The Mystery Spot.

3.15: Sam wants to stay in town and find Doc Benton so he can use his alchemy to make Dean and himself immortal. Dean wants to go and find Bela, who has The Colt. They part ways, with Sam staying and Dean going to search for Bela alone.

3.16: Right after Dean explicitly states that he does not want Ruby to be summoned in a last ditch play to save his life, Sam summons her behind Dean's back.

4.01: Sam wants to kill the demons that threatened Dean in the diner, and Dean doesn't. Sam sneaks off at night to go back to the diner to kill them on his own, but the angels have beaten him to it.

4.07: After implying that Sam using his powers against Samhain is a joint decision and he wants Dean's feedback, when Dean objects, Sam runs off to face Samhain alone anyway, leaving Dean with several still-trapped teenagers he can't abandon to keep him from following to help.

4.09 (4.01-4.04; 4.12-4.22): We learn that while Dean was dead, Sam directly went against what Sam in 4.04 describes as "Practically [Dean's] dying wish" (4.04) by working with Ruby to hone his powers to take revenge on Lilith. He continues to work with her after Dean is brought back to life until 4.04, then picks the habit back up at the end of 4.12. In 4.14, he says that he is intentionally going behind Dean's back because Dean is too weak to be of use and is holding him back.

4.15: Dean says he can't stop Sam from having secrets, but asks Sam to please not treat him like an idiot (i.e., keep telling lies), when it's obvious that Sam is lying to him about what happened with Alastair in the graveyard. Sam very much continues to lie instead of just insisting upon his privacy.

4.18: Sam and Dean fight about Sam's lies and then because Sam wants to stay in town and face Lilith, while Dean wants to leave to escape Chuck's writing. Sam refuses to budge and the brothers separate until the end of the episode.

4.19: Sam wants to turn Adam into a hunter and Dean hates the idea. Sam first starts teaching Adam about hunting behind Dean's back, then in front of him while Dean watches on, sickened.

In the third heading, I note incidents where Sam and Dean had a dispute and Dean conceded to Sam's views.

Lie 2: Sam follows Dean's lead because Dean is his brother and for no other reason. It's blind faith.

Sam wants wants Dean to set aside his moral principles and his skepticism and place blind faith in Sam for no other reason than that Sam is his brother, and he frames this request as a show of mutual solidarity. He's placed blind faith in Dean, so why can't Dean do the same for him?

First, there's manipulation here in that this alleged blind faith entitles Sam to also receive blind faith in return from someone unwilling to offer it, which is nonsense. Just because you choose to (allegedly) abandon your principles and beliefs for blind faith in another person does not mean the other person is obligated to follow your lead, treating their own moral principles in the same blasé manner you do.

Second, while absolutely—there have been points up to 4.21 where Sam did not do things because Dean didn't want to do them, or where Sam did things he didn't really want to do because Dean wanted to do them... it's very shady to suggest he only ever concedes purely because Dean is his brother and he has blind faith in him.

Thinking up incidents where Sam concedes to Dean's wishes on something:

1.02: Sam objects to Dean wanting to protect Haley and her brother because they'll be dead weight in the woods, while Dean wants to protect them.

1.03: Dean insists on going on the case instead of sitting around angst-ing about John and how the leads on him have dried up, and Sam concedes.

1.10: Sam wants to call the FBI on John to find him while Dean wants to follow the coordinates John just sent them to see if he's there. Sam ends up going along with Dean then spends the whole episode taking his anger about John's absence out on Dean who had no control over it.

1.21: Sam does not rush into a burning building and die trying to reach Azazel because Dean holds him back.

1.22: 1) Sam wants to sit in a motel waiting for an unknown number of demons to arrive with three bullets left in The Colt and Dean insists they go to Bobby's to learn about demons instead. 2) Dean insists on rescuing John over revenge 3) Dean brings The Colt to save John behind Sam's back, and then ends up using a bullet to save Sam's life.

2.04: Dean thinks he's found a case (he has) and Sam thinks he's just making things up. Sam agrees to go along with it even though he's skeptical until the fact that it is a genuine case is proved to him.

2.12: Sam doesn't like Dean trying to work with Ronald to stop the shifter but they don't really have a choice.

2.19: Sam doesn't want to help people in prison and Dean does, and Sam concedes and goes with the crazy plan to get arrested and go to prison to stop the haunting.

3.01: Sam wants to take Dean to another faith healer to try and get him out of his deal and Dean refuses to go.

3.12: Sam wants to sacrifice Nancy and Dean argues against this and offers an alternative plan where no one gets sacrificed, which Sam ends up going with.

3.13: Sam agrees to go on "Their Grand Canyon" hunt as one of Dean's dying wishes and gets mad when it goes sour because of The Ghostfacers.

3.15: Sam wants to turn them into Frankenstein's monsters to save Dean from his deal and Dean says he'd rather die.

3.16: This one is tricky, because Sam initially goes behind Dean's back by summoning Ruby to save Dean specifically against Dean's dying wishes, but then after he gets caught and Dean gets Ruby's knife, Sam concedes to using Dean's plan where they try to sneak up on Lilith and kill her with Ruby's knife. Dean's reasoning is that he wants to end the cycle of them saving each other with demon deals that only turn sour.

I think the pattern shows that contrary to fanon, Sam is not some poor helpless victorian maiden being swept along by the tides of the immutable sea. In most cases, it's that he realizes he thinks Dean is right about something at the end of the day, even if he doesn't like it. Not because Dean is his brother, but because Dean won him over with a well-reasoned argument, Sam realized he was putting his desires over right and wrong, or Sam didn't (at that time) want to disrespect Dean's wishes concerning Dean's own body and life.

NOTE: You might notice season 4 is "missing". This is because when I look at all of the season 4 episodes, the closest thing I can remember related to Sam just agreeing to do whatever Dean wants is him deciding to stop using his powers in 4.04, except that Sam makes it very clear at the end of the episode that he's quitting by his own choice and Dean's wishes have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Lie 3: Dean never does what Sam wants to do, and he never trusts him.

Not only does the supposition that Dean has always taken the lead Sam's "whole life" imply that Dean never concedes to Sam's view, but also when Sam requests Dean's trust "for once"—as if, not one single time in his entire life, has Dean ever taken Sam's lead or put trust in him. My mama used to say "exaggerators are just lie makers in disguise", and this is some wild lie-making in disguise.

1.06: They go back hundreds of miles to check in on Sam's friend who Sam believes has been framed for murder, even though Dean thinks it's kind of wild for Sam to believe his friend didn't do something the police have clear evidence he did.

1.09: Dean goes with Sam to Lawrence after Sam has a vision about someone dying in their old house. The idea of going back to Lawrence is extremely upsetting to Dean, but he realizes Sam is right and they have to investigate.

1.12: 1) Sam tricks Dean into seeing a faith healer which upsets Dean, but even so, Dean does what Sam wants, goes into the tent, sits where Sam wants him to sit, and goes up on stage to be healed at Sam's request. 2) Sam says they cannot kill whoever is controlling the reaper because they're human. Dean respects Sam's moral principles by doing what he wants to do.

1.14: 1) They go on this case because Sam has a vision and Dean puts his trust in Sam's vision. 2) Sam insists they can't kill Max because he's human, and Dean respects Sam's moral principles by doing what he wants to do.

2.04: Dean goes with Sam to Mary's grave even though he doesn't want to be in Lawrence or to be anywhere near Mary's grave.

2.05: Sam orders Dean to stay away from Ansem because he's vulnerable and Dean easily agrees, going a long distance away to observe from afar with a rifle.

2.09: 1) Sam has a vision that Dean is going to kill someone. Dean is skeptical, but agrees to go along with Sam anyway. 2) Dean doesn't kill the dude infected with croatoan virus partly because of Sam's pleading that it would be wrong, and Dean finding he agrees. Sam is right.

2.04, 2.09, and 2.10: Dean trusts Sam with insights into his emotional state/why he wants to die after Sam asks him to open up about how he's feeling.

2.12: Dean thinks they should have told Ronald about the shapeshifters, but concedes to Sam's perspective.

2.22: Dean begs Sam to rest for a while instead of immediately getting back on the trail after Azazel, not wanting to lose him again, but Sam insists they go, and Dean concedes.

3.07: Dean wants to go face Gordon alone. Sam breaks down in tears and begs Dean to just be his brother again and stop doing reckless things. Dean instantly softens and agrees to lay low.

3.10: Dean doesn't really want Sam in his head invading his privacy but doesn't stop Sam from joining him in his dreams.

3.11: Dean lives over 100 Tuesdays of Sam bossing him around in various ways, including repeatedly insisting they can't leave the motel and he is not allowed to eat breakfast or go anywhere by himself. Dean puts his trust in Sam even though each time he has no clue what's going on and often has little to no context.

4.04: Sam insists they tell Jack Montgomery that he's going through a metamorphosis so that he can try and stop himself from eating people, and Dean agrees.

4.06: Sam spends the whole episode telling Dean what to do and telling him he needs to go places he's scared to go.

4.09: When Alastair breaks into the church, Ruby tells Sam he needs to use his powers to crush Alastair. Dean starts to protest, but concedes after Ruby says they'll all die otherwise.

4.10 #1: Sam enacts a plan that puts Dean and Ruby at extreme risk (Dean with the angels who have threatened to throw him back in hell, Ruby with Alastair). Both put their trust in Sam and his plan.

4.10 and 4.11: Dean opens up to Sam about his trauma from Hell.

4.19: Though he argues with Sam vehemently multiple times about what he's doing, Dean never actually stops Sam from teaching Adam to be a hunter.

Dean trusts Sam multiple times, and follows his lead on several occasions (even a few times with extreme moral reservations, such as 4.09 and 4.19).

I've also pointed out before that Sam picks most of their season 1 and season 2 cases, contrary to the popular fanon claim that Dean is always dragging Sam everywhere to hunt when he doesn't want to. In season 3, Sam leads them to hunts in 4 different episodes (3.04, 3.05, 3.11, 3.15). Dean finds two (3.02, 3.13). Who picked the rest of their season 3 hunts is either not stated, starts with them being contacted by a friend which leads them to investigate (3.01, 3.03, 3.10, 3.14), or is just them getting into a situation against their will (3.12). 5 cases are Sam's idea in season 4, and two are Dean's. The remainder are unknown, mytharc episodes, or kidnappings.

Lie 4: Sam is just asking to be seen as an equal, and Lie 5: Sam trusts Dean.

Sam's most overarching manipulation here is this idea that he just wants equality. He's showed consistent trust and blind faith in Dean and he deserves the same. He's been Dean's loyal follower going wherever Dean wants him to go, and he wants to be treated as an equal now who receives trust equal to the trust he alleges he places in Dean. However, he plainly shows the entire season that he does not want equality. He wants Dean to be beneath him. We see this just a little before this bit of the conversation, when Sam says Dean can't do anything—that he isn't strong enough and only Sam can do this. Sam shows almost the entire season that he doesn't respect Dean as an equal by lying to him over and over about what he's up to, going behind his back, refusing to believe that Dean can stop the apocalypse as the angels have said. He makes it clear in 4.14 that he is keeping his actions a secret because Dean is too weak and pathetic to be of use and is holding him back. We confirm this following episodes (4.16, 4.17, 4.18, 4.21) where Sam explicitly says Dean cannot do what needs to be done and Sam has to take over. Dean is not capable. Sam has no faith or trust in Dean at all.

[kagoutiss]

divine intoxication

[aliusfrater]

sam as a character that breaks the 'us vs them' dichotomy of hunting with the conditions of his monstrosity is not only something that is deeply inherent to the narrative's exploration of the familial dynamics that sam disrupts, both metaphorically (in terms of hunting as a metaphor for the cycle of abuse) and literally but it's also something that is deeply internalised by every character that bears witness to the same conditions of sam's monstrosity that the audience does but most importantly both dean and sam himself.

there are a lot of aspects to the way that dean approaches sam's involvement within his own agency/independence as well as The Family Business that mirror or directly correlate with sam's monstrosity and when it's worth condemnation vs not but by far the most interesting aspect of this to me is the fact that there is an inherent separation between the idea of sam, sammy, that is not monstrous but is capable of becoming so and the sam that is unknowably monstrous and is capable of corrupting/encroaching on/preying on the sammy isn't/is not yet monstrous. like this idea is mostly explored within dean's idea of sam and monstrosity, either separately or together, but there are a few moments within which sam demonstrates a subconscious awareness of this separation, and subjects himself to it as well, and most of them are within 4.21 and explored as the fact that the Sam—corrupted and monstrous—that Sammy—othered regardless—is to be protected from is ultimately someone that sammy cannot escape. it is in him and evil ('them') and giving into it means freedom or an entire 'acceptance' (the usage of his monstrosity—"maybe there's no escape. after all, how can you run from what's inside you?" / "don't let anyone or anything get in your way."—something he's explicitly expressed since 4.04) of himself.

there will always be an 'us vs them'. it is vital to supernatural. and regardless of the fact that sam exists to break the dichotomy, the dynamic of the structure is one that demands you fit into it and ultimately, i think this manifests within the ideas of sam's monstrosity, more than it does around it, while he perpetually struggles to fit into his role under 'us' so much so that his struggle becomes a vital part of his role. it becomes a non-role that's present in examples of the dynamics of his and dean's relationship as well as the patriarchal structure that i've talked about previously

[valzhangism]

i know i said i was happy about how mel's story went, but the more i think about it the less i'm sure about that. this is very much connected to how the themes of classism and wealth disappeared in s2, but mel in the beginning was the epitome of piltover. she wanted to advance piltover to prove herself to her mother. to "put piltover—" and by extension herself, "—on the map."

she wanted wealth just to have it. and i'm not blaming her for anything that happened, especially with hextech! she, just like jayce and viktor, could not have known what it would lead to. i mean yeah heimerdinger said so but who the hell listens to heimerdinger? but anyway i think mel changed throughout s1, much in thanks to jayce. by the end she's become more cognisant of the mistreatment of zaunites. she's the first to vote for their peace. she was a good person all along but now she knows how to act on it. it's also seen more in s2 act 1. when she covers her painting with gold, it's symbolic—she won't act according to what her mother might think. she won't let her desire for approval dictate her anymore.

so somehow i wish those themes were. continued, somehow? like again they were dropped not just with mel but the whole show and it makes her story a off to me. there's no meaningful commentary on war or classism or how her ideology stands opposite to her mother's. like some people have said, it feels like she doesn't have much agency, even if she is really cool. and that to me is a shame because agency felt like her thing. "to shape your own destiny" as she says to jayce in s1. i know her collaborating with the black rose (but not fully joining them) and learning magic is supposed to represent becoming independent from her mother, taking her own path, but some other aspects of her character were thrown away... the more i think about it the more i'm thinking they kind of #girlboss-ed her a little bit. maybe to sell another champion. i can't help but feel like even though i enjoyed seeing her on screen, the payoff didn't feel proportionally satisfying compared to her setup in s1.

[raffaellopalandri]

Navigating Challenging Times with Joy, Thankfulness, and Wisdom: A Buddhist, Stoic, and Neuroscientific Perspective

Let’s admit it, our life is an intricate web of experiences, where moments of ease and hardship alternate like the sun’s rising and setting. Photo by Elina Fairytale on Pexels.com Difficult times, whether they manifest as personal crises, societal upheavals, or existential uncertainties, are, alas, inevitable. The true test of one’s character lies not in avoiding hardship but in learning how to…

[neodiekido]

thinking about kiibo literally being the in universe protagonist of v3 again

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

I still have a bigger post in the works but in case I don't get to this point anytime soon

I just wanted to say that ever since I first read Imposter Syndrome and the Overpowered arc of IDW Sonic I've felt in my bones that Surge and Kit's projected end point is not to "accept Sonic" and "become real heroes"

To me their story has always been about how the current system of good/heroes vs evil/villains has hurt them, how they don't fit into it and yet are being pulled in both directions by villains and heroes who want them to choose a side (theirs in specific), and how they'll find their place, home, and future living freely alongside each other

I cannot envision Surge happy working for hero attention and praise long term, a position that comes with strings and will inevitably restrict her

Surge has always wanted to do her own thing, Kit has known since Overpowered that being with her is the purpose he chooses.

And I don't believe we've really hit Surge's defining moment yet (where she finally finds her own purpose and is no longer jumping between potential ones). I think right now in idw Sonic we're still in a transitional period of learning and growing and experiencing, and that moment of realization is yet to come.

But perhaps that's just me.

[scoobydoodean]

What an insufferable pompous asshole.

[ringenthusiast]

OH SHIT CALLUM ACCIDENTALLY MADE HIS FIRST ZOMBIE LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

[callixton]

the thing abt being a masochist w chronic pain is that it doesn’t actually do anything to mitigate the discomfort it just sometimes makes you self righteous abt it