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watchtowerindistress · 3 years

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we all have our secrets (3/5) - shangqi x asian!reader

Summary: Y/N faces off against the Wenwu who in turn finds the weakness in both Shangqi and Y/N - each other.

Word count: 4.1k

Rating: M

Warnings: language, fluff, graphic violence, blood

Relationship: Xu Shangqi x asian!reader

Author’s note: Due to not following the film scene by scene, I might change a few things. Hope you don't mind. I’m sorry if this gadget in the middle is kinda cringe-y. I wish I had a better idea to solve this.

Just finished Kim’s Convenience - like DUDE. me stan a simu himbo.

Reblogs are appreciated.

Tag yourself | Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Bring me a cuppa

Her leg was starting to kill her. It was moments like these that Y/N realized she wasn’t getting any younger and maybe it was time to get out of this business for good.

Yelena’s footsteps rushed behind her among the bustling marketplace before Y/N heard the panting words, “Are you trying to run away from me? We need to stick together.”

“We should have separated when we had the chance,” she muttered quietly. She didn’t like this part of the plan – with a higher chance of exposure. Y/N felt the pounding ache in her shin once she limped on her path, with her sweaty hair tied into a messy ponytail.

“Didn’t you hear? Someone wants to kill you,” Yelena denied vehemently.

“Thank you for the reminder. Since you neglected to tell me before when you had the chance.”

Yelena eyed her warily. “Do you know why he’s after you?”

Y/N eyed the faces of people surrounding them on the market. “Nope. In our line of work, I used to cross a lot of people. But usually all of them are dead to hold a grudge, including their families.”

Raising her eyebrows at the ruthless answer, the blonde assassin replied, “I don’t know whether to feel scared or admire your cold-blooded viciousness.”

It was hard to forget her previous manipulation. “Flattery doesn’t get you anywhere with me.”

Yelena lifted her hands in a ‘stop’ motion. “Wait a second. We’re not done with this conversation.” After she lingered in front of a mirror at a market stand, a sigh left Y/N’s lips.

Not understanding one bit why she was waiting for her. With a rucksack slung over Y/N’s shoulder, she was looking at their surroundings. This was a bad idea. They needed to get off the public space and split as fast as possible.

Yelena took in a deep breath once she placed her fingers at the bridge of her nose and applied pressure until it snapped into place with a nauseating break. A muffled groan exhaled from her before she sniffed deeply. “Okay, let’s keep going.”

Y/N’s stare focused ahead on their path as a thought was tickling at the back of her mind.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re still keeping things from me?”

Yelena closed one eye against the blinding sun. “Because you have good instincts? What revealed me?”

“Like I said, you have the worst poker face and you asked me if I knew why he was after me. Which means, you do know why he is. You just want to assess to see if I do.”

Yelena bit her lip and averted her gaze. She exhaled haggardly, “Yes, I do. It’s just not my secret to tell.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Secrets. Don’t tell me about secrets.” She was getting tired of this, she thought, and rushed off with her limping leg.

“God damn it,” Yelena grumbled and ran after her. “I don’t like the idea of Sylvana fending for herself if something goes wrong.”

Sylvana’s wary glance didn’t put her at ease though. “What’s wrong?” Y/N asked with hesitation, not knowing if she wanted to know.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but the moment the other me knew you were in my sights, I gave a signal.” Sylvana gave the warning before dropping the GPS tracker on the ground. “I really am sorry.”

Y/N nodded in understanding. “I know.”

“I’ll try to lead them away.” And with those last words, Sylvana jumped from the building with a grappling hook.

“You’re lucky I haven’t ditched you.”

“Hey, I’m your friend here!” Yelena hissed fervently.

“And I’m supposed to believe anything you have to say now?”

“Hey! I’m not your enemy. You know who I was. The moment you saw me in San Francisco, you knew who you were dealing with.”

Y/N stopped in her tracks. “Then why are you helping me?”

“Why don’t you trust me?” Yelena asked with a hoarse voice that would break her heart if she didn’t know any better.

“Answer the question, Yelena. Why don’t you tell me about these so-called secrets?”

Her evading her gaze was answer enough for Y/N.

“You know this Mandarin guy,” she spoke slowly once the realization hit her.

“I never met him,” Yelena assured her.

“But you know of him. There’s a part of you that’s almost … terrified of him.” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. The thought of a frightened Yelena Belova was scary in itself.

“All I know is he’s dangerous.” Yelena swallowed thickly. “Listen, it’s really not my secret. I’m just trying not to give you unnecessary pain, you have to believe me.”

Yelena burnt her before, so it was hard for Y/N to trust her. She sighed deeply. “If you say so.”

Out of nowhere, Y/N felt goosebumps rise on her skin and the hairs on her neck stood up in tension. Suspicion forced her to twist her head towards Yelena as soon as she felt the shift in the air. “Do you feel that?” Y/N whispered under her breath.

Yelena hummed in agreement while staring right ahead. “I know. We’re being followed.”

“Cross the marketplace.”

Admonishment laced her murmuring voice. “Y/N.”

“I’m the target, not you,” she spoke hurriedly. “You’re no use to me dead. We don’t know how many there are or how much time we have. Stay in the shadows, fight the others undetected, just like the White Widow taught us. Now.”

Reluctance lingered in Yelena’s whole body before she wedged her way past her. Something metallic was placed in the palm of her hand, but then just like that she was gone.

After swallowing to get her frantic heartbeat back under control, Y/N tightened her fingers around the object until something sharp bit the inside of her hand.

Y/N frowned and covertly hid it in the pocket of her tactical pants. She tilted her head when she felt the shift of energy once more. Y/N kept walking and eyed the tools she could use to her advantage before grabbing the knife from a booth selling strawberries.

With a sharp motion she threw it behind her before glancing back to find it embedded in a henchman’s throat who was covered all in black with a hood as he had already fallen flat to the ground. His sword clenched tightly in his hand.

First screams resounded in panic throughout the marketplace before a horde of armed men crowded the area, with swords strapped to their backs.

Despite being outnumbered Y/N took on a fighting position with her legs knee-length apart and her hands clenched into fists.

“Seriously? In what kind of mess did I land in now?” she whispered incredulously.

Y/N called out, “You really want to do this, guys? Trust me, there’s more where that came from.” She nudged her head at the dead minion and pulled out the Batons from her travel bag. It made a dull thud when Y/N let it drop down.

Her Bites made a satisfying whirring sound as soon as she activated them into its glowing red color and to their deadly voltage. If there was a hit on her head, Y/N wouldn’t just render her enemies unconscious.

Having no interest in letting her guard down by being arrogant, she decided not to drop off her hoodie in a dramatic fashion. This was a damn army she was surrounded by after all.

Y/N straightened her arms in a ‘here I am’ fashion. “Let’s dance, fellas.”

Accepting her invitation, one minion jumped forward with a long-handled blade which Y/N blocked with her Baton. Her defensive maneuver lingered a second to appreciate the craftmanship with her side-eye a few inches from her face before she sent a Bite into his neck.

Three henchmen worked fast and surrounded her. To top it all off, the rest of the swordsmen positioned themselves in a rigid circle, to not give her any space to fight or escape from.

Jesus, what did she get herself into this time?

Simultaneously, three swords cut through the air.

Y/N blocked one blade with her Baton before swiping the guy’s legs at her back. Remaining at a crouched position, Y/N shot a Bite to the third guy’s throat. Her assailants moved in tandem, giving her not much of a choice while she defended herself against them with her flurrying Batons, though there was no way to escape this mass of people without getting killed in the process.

“Fuck,” Y/N cursed under her breath.

With her mind made up, Y/N dropped a Taser Disk on the cobblestone pavement and let it self-activate to reach as many as possible before jumping against an assassin’s chest and onto another guy’s shoulders. Using those two assassins as a propelling trampoline to evade their circle of death.

Shrieks of panic echoed from the pedestrians while she ran through the market stands. Y/N felt heat rise on her cheeks from the exertion of scaling between the buildings by the grates of its balconies. The roof tiles made clanging sounds under her feet as she was sprinting away.

Before Y/N could blink, an unknown force knocked her off balance. Y/N held her breath when her side ached with a sharp pain. As she tumbled down, a muffled groan left her lips before she dropped on the roof of a market stand.

Her groan shifted into a hissing sound once she harshly landed on the ground, with her arms bracing against the coldness. Y/N looked up with gritted teeth, just in time to discover something blue flying through the air to a man wearing a white suit, like he had summoned this magic.

Just splendid. She was dead if her antagonist was a sorcerer.

Y/N coughed up blood as she covered her ribs in pain.

She looked up once more to see the man who commanded authority slowly advance. Yelena should’ve told her that the Mandarin was also a man infused with magic.

Blue glowing bracelets covered his arms, Y/N noticed with each step he took. The next thing she noticed were the … sandals he wore? Well, great, it looked like this man possessed a lot of power to not care about his footwear.

Y/N struggled while standing up and held her hand to her side before she daringly spat blood on the ground. The metallic taste remained on the corners of her lips and the insides of her mouth.

Yelena’s concerned face met hers on the other side of the city center before Y/N gave her signal by shaking her head, silently telling her to run. She wouldn’t even condemn her for it, but there was no reason for her to stick her neck out for her.

Y/N clenched her hands into fists.

This was not how she imagined dying, in a damn market in Romania of all places.

The Mandarin lifted his arms - with his rumpled-up sleeves which put his bracelet-covered arms on display. If anything, this appeasing notion did the opposite of putting her at ease.

“Let’s not fight.”

Y/N scoffed loudly. Glancing to the side again, she noticed with relief the absence of Yelena. Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Because it wouldn’t be a fair one?”

Y/N suppressed her grimacing expression and dropped her hands at her side, not wanting to reveal her weaknesses as obviously.

The dark-haired man tilted his head as he gazed at Y/N with speculation. “Honestly, I believe you could hold your own.”

“Is this already the beginning of a bad guy speech, seconds before you finally kill me?” she asked tiredly.

The Mandarin smirked. “I just wanted to see for myself.” He bowed slightly in greeting. It was frightening how his army stood in a line behind him as a protection - as if he needed that. “It’s an honor to make your acquaintance, Miss Y/L/N. Your reputation precedes you.”

“And yours doesn’t.”

That ever-present smirk adorned his lips. “It’s what I prefer. I go by many names such as ‘Master Khan’ or ‘The most dangerous man on Earth’. You may call me Wenwu. Come with me.” He clasped his hands behind his back as he slowly walked away, expecting Y/N to follow without question.

Y/N detected his glowing rings with confusion at the display of raw power he was emitting before he slightly turned his head to gaze back at her with an arched eyebrow.

“That wasn’t a question. I’d rather you went willingly. Unless you want my men looking for your friend. I gather she must be around here.”

Y/N huffed after swallowing thickly. She briskly walked around him while trying not to reveal her aching leg.

“Did my men manage to hurt a Widow?” Wenwu inquired blandly at her side without gazing at her direction.

A scoff exhaled from Y/N’s lips. It frightened her that he knew everything about her. “They couldn’t if they tried.”

Wenwu shook his head while chuckling. “Young people. Does it make you feel better, knowing you’re untouchable?”

“I don’t know. How about you?”

Wenwu’s chuckles sounded almost fond. “I can see why he likes you.”

Y/N frowned at the familiar pronoun game. “Who?”

Wenwu smiled mysteriously before he stopped walking and faced Y/N head-on. “Why don’t you release your weapons? I find it easier to hold a conversation with someone who doesn’t display them as viciously.”

Y/N tilted her head at the reminder of the bracelets still adorning his arms, to his enemies not to cross him. “And if I don’t?”

“There’s no need for emotional displays. You’ll get them back.”

“I believe that when I see it,” she retorted before crossing her arms. Y/N clenched her jaw at the sensation of her bruised ribs. She was a stubborn adversary after all.

“You have my word; I won’t harm you again,” he assured her softly before pausing in thought. “We’re family after all.” After showing his hands, he waited for Y/N to deliver her weapons.

“What the hell does that mean?” Y/N hissed without moving.

“You met my son after all. Shangqi?”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. “Who?”

“Oh.” He smiled to himself. “So, he hadn’t been honest after all,” Wenwu whispered under his breath, almost in astonishment. “I heard he goes by the name of ‘Shaun’.” He shook his head, with chuckles leaving him.

Time stood still while Y/N’s facial muscles drooped at hearing that news. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Not knowing what to believe in anymore, Yelena's gift was the only thing anchoring her to the present.

Y/N woke up with a gasp. She hissed before her hand reached for her bruised ribs. Light streamed through the windows in her room, which Wenwu had provided before locking her inside.

The simmering pain made her ground her teeth before she lifted her hoodie with delicate motions until dark-red contusions were on display in the form of several circles. Another whimpering sound left Y/N as she pulled the fabric back down. Weak fingers loosened the haphazard hairdo until her hair fell in waves to her shoulders. With gingerly movements, she lifted herself up in bed and combed through her hair with her fingers to make herself as presentable as possible.

Wenwu wasn’t much of a talker during their helicopter ride to the compound. If he was to be believed, he would ensure that she would meet Shangqi. Y/N was certain that he had something planned by forcing them to cross paths.

After standing up, she looked outside the window towards the training center and watched Wenwu's army with trepidation during their training session. Y/N shook her head to focus on escaping. She was on the enemy territory after all.

Although, she needed her weapons first.

What unnerved Y/N wasn’t that she was on this covert compound, but that she would have to face Shaun – no, Shangqi and didn’t know how to feel about the fact that parts of his life he unveiled to her weren’t the truth. She sighed, once that thought truly hit her.

Y/N swallowed thickly and pressed her hand against her stomach.

As much as she wanted to condemn him for lying or omitting the truth, she couldn’t fault Shangqi for it. For craving a different life, a normal one. Without the shadow of the past looming over the future. It would seem hypocritical since she herself wasn’t that innocent and barely was the epitome of honesty even though she never talked about her history, her parents, or anything really.

Y/N scoured the contents of her backpack and gratefully took out the compact mirror - almost a relic from the Soviet program. Her fingers inspected the keychain which Yelena had bestowed upon her until she discovered the USB drive. After plugging it into the compact mirror’s port and turned the mirror so it would face the bare wall and function as a beamer.

“Yelena, you little devil,” she muttered with admiration.

Y/N flickered through the file of Xu Wenwu, the leader of the Ten Rings, which the former assassin had provided for her. Not much was known about him, other than enforcing his will as basically an immortal terrorist while his son suffered under his upbringing as an assassin.

Apart from the magic immortality part, Y/N felt like she was gazing into her own reflection by empathizing with Shangqi. With a sigh, she snapped the mirror shut and threw her head back. Y/N strained her ears once she heard the rotor blades of a landing helicopter coming closer.

Her heart was thumping even faster at the possibility of seeing Shangqi again. There was a part of her that desperately longed for this reunion, but still, she had a bone to pick with his father. Under no circumstances would she turn into a damsel in distress and if anything, she’d rather face those bracelets of his than to evoke the traumatic experience of being a means to an end in the Black Widow program.

Using two bobby pins from her own hair, she placed one into the bottom half and the other in the top half of the lock and then twisted a few times-

The moment the door clicked open, Y/N silently pressed the handle down and carefully observed both sides of the wide hallways before she let the door snap shut behind her.

It was just the perfect opportunity to secretly explore her surroundings and to familiarize herself with the headquarters. After a few turns, uncontrollable rage filled Y/N once she saw the man she had been looking for from a distance.

The man in question was wearing a white shirt, with his hands hidden in his pockets as he casually took a stroll through the compound like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Despite her reminder to stay calm, Y/N stormed over. “You.”

Without turning his body, Wenwu casually replied, “Miss Y/L/N, why am I not surprised that you got out of your room?”

“What am I doing here? What do you want with me?” Y/N hissed through gritted teeth.

Wenwu clasped his hands behind his back. “You are incentive. Although, what’s more important, I was looking for you because I wanted to make you a job offer.”

“By killing me?” Y/N asked with derision.

“Only the best could survive the Ten Rings. I heard stories about you – about the job in Beirut. Your ruthlessness in the facility in Madripoor – you have my admiration for it.”

Once he saw glowering expression, Wenwu continued speaking with a deep voice, “Serve the Ten Rings and I will give you the purpose you are looking for.”

“I’m not going to be bait. I won’t ever live in servitude again. Especially not by the Mandarin.”

Wenwu’s body stilled at the mention before he tilted his head. “I have to admit, that alias has put a sour taste in my mouth.”

His confession gave Y/N the needed puzzle piece to see beyond his armor and chose to press against the pressure point even further.

“What would you like me to call you instead? Kidnapper? Wielder of bracelets?”

At long last, Wenwu faced her with a stony expression. “Watch your tongue, child.” Her skin prickled from the danger she found herself in by poking the beast.

Y/N smiled smiles serenely. “Or what?”

Before Wenwu could yield to her daring, or more like suicidal question, a shocked voice rendered Y/N speechless.

“Y/N?”

Her body turned until she was facing the man again who had harbored some secrets since she knew him. The moment she saw him again, her heartbeat accelerated with a vengeance. Relief filled Y/N when she saw Shangqi who had Katy and another dark-haired woman at his side.

After the truth Wenwu unveiled about his son, she still felt the same about him as she did before when he was still only regular Shaun, and not just Shangqi with a mysterious past.

“What are you doing here?” Shangqi whispered anxiously.

The thought that he looked really good crossed her mind at the most inopportune moment. Her eyes admired the yellow-blue bomber jacket he was wearing seconds before he rushed towards her and hugged her tightly.

Damn, he smelled even good.

The appreciative feeling was squashed by the exhaling hiss of pain which left her mouth, as much as she tried to control it.

Just as soon as he held her to his chest, Shangqi let go with frowned bewilderment and gazed at her while holding onto her shoulders.

Before he could ask about her vulnerable state, she admitted with gritted teeth, “Courtesy of your father.”

Shangqi slowly turned his head and glared at his father with such a deep loathing that Y/N almost shivered. He snarled with a dark glare on his face as the muscles on his shoulders tensed when he stepped closer to the man.

“What did you do to her?”

Wenwu had been watching their exchange with fascination. “I merely wanted to see for myself,” he said ominously.

“What?” Shangqi grunted with a rumbling voice as he clenched his jaw.

“How you would react,” Wenwu whispered with that glint in his eyes. “Tell me son, … does the concept frighten you that your love could know who you truly were? What I could have told her?”

With a reluctant shift of his head, Shangqi glanced at Y/N nervously.

Honestly, she didn't care who he was before she met him. Who was she judge him having a terrorist as a father when she had her own dark past?

Wanting to take his worries away, Y/N took his hand as a sign by weaving their fingers together and gazing at him with a serene expression. “It shouldn’t. I don’t scare easy.”

Heat streamed through her body from their closeness. It was peculiar how she was looking at Shangqi in a whole different light. Admiring the many birthmarks on his face while feeling curious about the scar on his chin.

Wanting to get to know him all over again.

In turn, Shangqi’s eyes roamed over her with open affection and deep astonishment.

Wenwu’s observed their interaction studiously before whispering, “Let’s see. How about dinner?”

The woman who hadn’t introduced herself yet, smirked at Wenwu’s comment by mentioning, “Yes, it’s a family reunion after all.”

They walked behind the leader of the Ten Rings while he led the way.

Although, Y/N couldn’t help but ignore the pulsating sensation around her ribs when Shangqi’s hand tightened around Y/N's fingers and kissing the top of her head. If they weren’t in such a dire situation, Y/N would've swooned at Shangqi's affection.

“Easy there, lover boy,” Y/N heard behind her, reminding her that they weren't alone.

She turned her head to greet the other woman, “Hey, Katy.”

Katy waved a hand, like she had no issue with being the fifth wheel for now and revealed a grimacing smile. “Glad to see Shaun’s father didn’t kill you,” she said awkwardly.

“You mean … Shangqi,” Y/N said tentatively, almost as if she was nervous about letting him know she was in the know about his real name.

Wenwu’s file didn’t offer much after all and Y/N felt it was crucial to find out these things from him personally instead of reading it in a file.

Shangqi and Y/N were still walking hand in hand when she felt the warmth of his stare on her. Y/N finally gazed up at him whose dark eyes settled on her face.

“Careful there or you might give my brother an aneurysm,” the mysterious woman purred with a raspy voice. “Make him jump you right now. And honestly, I don’t want to see the second part.”

Y/N faced her in silent curiosity before her eyes turned back to Shangqi. “Brother?”

“Don’t mind Xialing. She’s being her usual self.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows at that new-found detail about his life. “You have a sister, Shangqi? You’re a deep well, huh?”

Tagging: @mellowstatesmanhandsempath @ravenmoore14 @yourwonderbelle @ponyboys-sunsets @lindseyrae20 @towerofhellll @selmasemlan @kvnmoonies @jandalulu @clumsy-writing-rdb @treehugger9000 @nxstalgicnxbxdy @lovvelyyj @xuxialling @unaware-dumbass-here @yelenarmnv @imsuperawkward @justalittleweirdoo @wintergirlsoilder2 @elephants-bubbles-brachosauruses

#steph writes #watchtowerindistress #shangqi x reader #shangqi x y/n #xu shang chi #xu shangqi #shang chi x reader #shangqi imagines #shangqi x you #shang chi x y/n #shang chi x fem!reader #shang chi x you #yelena belova x platonic!reader #yelena belova #simu liu #simu liu x reader

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mopillow · 2 years

Note

hey just saw the deleted post lol. and yes aside from the jian yi telling his tale part, i forgot the rest, but i’m actually going to make a new point based on that panel:

never noticed but zhen xi asks where jian yi was pretty casually. someone who supposedly was devastated and heartbroken- just to ask That casually where he was all these years like “oh hey” is kinda hmm. idk if it’s a form of protection/his reluctance aside from the unbelievableness of jian yis rendition, but now he’s doing this unfair thing to himself holding this grudge while jian yi is trying to get him back in his life. like just as jian yi needs to own up to a lot, zhen xi can’t pretend either, and at some point needs to stop going out of his way to push jian yi out of his life when he probably is dying to return to normal too. i imagine the more he holds that grudge, jian yi could be convinced he doesn’t even like him as a friend anymore, let alone a supposedly future romantic partner (considering too future tianshan are past that point while it seems very likely jian yi could just let zhan xi go at this point-like he “gets zhan xi’s point and never showed signs he even liked me so i will leave him alone”).

so unless they both man up and have that “tell all” moment (insert angsty rain confession scene bc yes) i honestly think zhen xi needs to start expressing himself more…plus he’s kind of a needy betch so it’s not like he can pretend he doesn’t want jian yi 😅

Thanks a lot for replying Anon, I was getting worried that I may had offended you in some way

Please note that OX made this chapters long ago and it is possible that they may have changed their mind about the plot once they started writing the flashback and since they’re about to publish a 📕 they may explain better on in a different way in it but we do notice that the ZZX from the first chapters and the ZZX from the future in resent chapters are not exactly the same neither is JY, ZZX is more aggressive and JY is a perv but still an idiot and the present versions of the future are not like that, ZZX does hit JY but not with the same violence and JY blushes more and sexually harasses less,

I get what you’re saying and I agree to some degree although I do have an explanation for ZZX attitude towards the question, it is possible that ZZX asks that way because he doesn’t know if Jian Yi is ready to share this with him since he hasn’t talk about it so far, I don’t think he has a grudge against JY is more like “hey dude we’re not boyfriends why are you touching me without my consent” kind of behavior and that is completely understandable

They appear to be living together, the Christmas specials seem to be suggesting that but we see it in the 5/20 too, true they don’t look as intimate as TianShan but maybe their relationship is that way there’s always the possibility that they’re one of those couples that barely touch and lastly but not least

Here is my main problem with JY, I know he’s the favorite of a lot of people and I respect that but for me he is not shy he is sly, ZZX has shown that he has no problem with him yet JY still doesn’t say what he wants, he does gives hints but in my opinion he needs to be straight forward about it because ZZX has this mentality

We have witnessed that just trying to force intimacy doesn’t work but talking about your feelings and needs does get you closer of what you want, I mean HT is winning in life and he got it by being sincere with Mo, that’s why I believe that JY should be making an effort to ask ZZX out, he’s the one who has the “is either you or celibacy” mentality but at the same time he is waiting for a signal of his stone faced friend like g damn it JY don’t you know him?! Instead of copying the ass grabbing technique of He Tian learn the “now you can’t live without me” one, the fucking worst part is that ZZX already is in that place, at least ZhanYi is not like QCheng, poor Cheng can’t be more clear but Q just don’t get it

#19 days #ask box #don’t get mad at me anon #is just that this guy has already a bf but he rather keep it casual than actually ask #god damn it #is a slap in my unrequited love feelings #is like looking a person who can eat all they want an have a great body with barely any effort complaining about it #like seriously

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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years

Text

For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash @angels-from-california @jayjaydawn

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 10: The Flower Who Bloomed in April

Sehun’s POV

Once upon a time, in a year I can’t remember, Lei wrote a note for my birthday that claimed, “All flowers bloom in April.” I guess I’m somewhat inclined to agree. That idea breaks through all of my thoughts and colors them a faint pink whenever winter melts into spring and all of nature seems to celebrate us.

I was considering that old note while pulling my car into the driveway of Lei’s house, which was too big for just her and her mother.

“What is this place?” Chanyeol asked, eyes bulging out of their sockets.

Aware that he wouldn’t rest until he received an answer, I said, “It’s Lei’s house,” and braced myself for his predictable (but still annoying) jokes.

Chanyeol almost laughed, and he reached over to ruffle my hair like I was a child. “I should have known that you’d have to visit your little girlfriend!”

The tips of my ears burned as I gnawed on my cheek. I didn’t say anything at first. After the incident at the SM Town concert when I made Lei cry, I decided to just let Chanyeol say whatever he wanted as long as she couldn’t hear. I decided not to waste my energy arguing with him.

I swallowed the uncomfortable lump in my throat. “I told you to drive yourself to your little fling’s house if you didn’t want to make stops.”

Chanyeol watched me grab the small gift box— which I asked Junmyeon to wrap— from the center console. I watched the smirk curl his lips with the realization, “Oh! It’s the princess’s birthday!” He cheered like he cared. “How old is she now?”

When I didn’t dignify him with a response as I forced the box into the pocket of my loose jeans, Chanyeol started to count the years aloud. “Okay, so if you’re turning 23 in two days, that must mean—”

“Eighteen,” I spoke flatly. “Lei is eighteen.”

“Eighteen,” Chanyeol repeated in a low whistle. “That’s crazy! You know, if we were in America, she would officially be an adult now.”

I squirmed in my seat. “Well, we’re not in America,” I reminded him. I told his obnoxious skeptical expression, “And it doesn’t matter how old she is. I’m not holding my breath until she’s an adult because, like I’ve told you a thousand times, we’re just friends.”

I almost said, “We’ll always be just friends,” but it didn’t seem like the right thing to say. Always— never— those words didn’t sound right about Lei except to say that I would always want to be good to her.

“I really don’t understand you.” Chanyeol drummed his fingers on the center console. “Doesn’t it kinda annoy you that there is only one girl who hasn’t been deterred by your resting bitch face—” I narrowed my eyes, and Chanyeol nodded— “yeah, that one!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Doesn’t it bother you that the only girl you’ve never run from— the only girl you’ve ever loved— is too young to be, like, your soulmate or something?”

“No,” I answered honestly, “because I don’t believe in soulmates.”

Probably because I didn’t deny loving Lei, Chanyeol’s jaw dropped. Once I believed that love is just wanting what’s best for someone, it wasn’t hard to admit that I loved Lei. I decided that it would be a shame to allow Chanyeol’s jokes or misunderstandings to pervert something so wholesome.

Although it wasn’t any of his business, I explained, “I’m not here to celebrate Lei’s passage into American adulthood or whatever the hell you’re thinking. Her Mom is still managing Super Junior’s tour abroad, so I promised Donghae that I wouldn’t let her be lonely all day.”

“What, so you’re gonna invite her to tag along with us again?” Almost a decade had passed since I took Lei to the Sanrio store for her tenth birthday, but Chanyeol clung to his grudge against us as if we left him alone in the arcade just yesterday.

I frowned at his childishness. “I doubt that Lei wants to waste her birthday by tagging along on our two-hour drive to your fling’s apartment. I’m just gonna give her a gift—”

“A kiss?” Chanyeol puckered his lips and made disgustingly exaggerated smacking sounds. He laughed while dodging my half-hearted attempt to swat at him.

I didn’t tell Chanyeol that I had gotten Lei a cherry blossom charm because then I would have had to tell him about the charm bracelet I got for her debut, and then he would joke about that too. I wasn’t a sensitive sort of guy— not usually, anyway— but I liked to avoid as many Lei jokes as possible.

I continued, “After I give her the gift, I’ll come right back out. Then I’ll drop you off at what’s-her-name’s place, and—”

“You should stick around,” Chanyeol urged for the thousandth time. “My girl has a friend, and—”

For the thousandth time, I responded, “I’m not interested.”

Chanyeol knew that I was opposed to dating even in the most casual sense of the word, yet he kept encouraging me to meet people who I didn’t want to meet. He kept encouraging me to kiss people I didn’t want to kiss— people who I could probably never develop any real attachment to— people who could probably never develop any real attachment to me. No matter how many times I swore that I wasn’t lonely— and even if I was, shallow physical relationships would fail to fill any void— he didn’t get I didn’t want to open myself up to women who would only ever be strangers.

Maybe I wasn’t opposed to falling in love with somebody who knew me and accepted me, but I was opposed to taking that first step into the unknown. Furthermore, I knew that I wouldn’t find my soulmate— if such a person existed despite my disbelief— through Chanyeol’s hookups.

Don’t misunderstand. I didn’t care that Chanyeol and others tried to fill their voids with people. It’s up to others to behave and experience life as they see fit. It’s not my place to determine whether their relationships are truly fulfilling. It’s just— I knew that kind of thing wasn’t for me. I had never experienced love at first sight, and I doubted very much whether it existed, and it was always clear to me that if I were ever to ‘find love’ — well, love would have to find me because I would never look first, especially not with everyone watching.

“I’m tired,” I said, and it wasn’t technically a lie, “so as soon as I drop you off, I’m going home.”

“Whatever.” Chanyeol shrugged. “If you ask me—”

Figuring that he, like Junmyeon, would try to impress upon me the importance of companionship, I said, “I’m not.”

Chanyeol continued anyway. “This is all a waste of time. I doubt that kid—” he was referring to Lei— “is lonely. I bet that boy with the big head—” he was referring to Lucas— “is in that giant ass mansion with her, eating cake, watching cartoons, or making out on the couch since the Super Junior dudes aren’t around to scare them apart.”

With his words, Chanyeol painted a vivid picture that I couldn’t quite erase from my mind. My stomach turned with my failed efforts, so I reminded myself aloud, “They’re just friends.”

“Believe what you want,” Chanyeol scoffed, “but something is going on. How else is our little princess wrapping him and you and who knows who else around her finger?”

“Just shut up and wait here.” I jumped out of my seat and slammed the door behind me before Chanyeol could say anything else to convince me to punch his face.

He rolled his window down to yell, “Jealousy is not becoming, Sehun!”

For the sake of preserving our friendship, I pretended not to hear him as I climbed the stairs and rang the doorbell. After minutes passed with no response, I figured that Lei had gone out with some friends. Although she claimed Lucas as the only cure for her loneliness, she had surged in popularity among other idols, so she could have been out with anybody. Pushing through my disappointment, I reached for my phone to text her and arrange some other time to meet— probably on my birthday.

Then, before I could press send, her voice beckoned from the other side of the door, “It’s open! Come in!”

She didn’t even ask me to identify myself. What if I was some crazed fan? Because it was her birthday, I suppressed my worry with the reminder that I wasn’t a crazed fan. I wasn’t a stranger. There was no real harm in trusting me.

Still, if she was going to be irresponsible while her Mom and Super Junior were away, I would have to appoint myself as her protector. I would have to drive by to check on her every day until their return; the daily check-in texts would do little to prevent her from inviting strangers into the house.

Nothing in Lei’s tone— except for the giggles, I realize in hindsight— prepared me for what I found behind the door. On the white couch, as if positioned to greet anyone who entered with a scene from nightmares, Lei was pinned under Lucas while SpongeBob played on the widescreen television. I tried to fix my gaze on the scattered cupcake wrappers on the coffee table, but I couldn’t. The scene wouldn’t have been so revolting if a.) Chanyeol hadn’t predicted it, b.) Lucas hadn’t been shirtless, and c.) Lei hadn’t been too busy giving Lucas her brightest smile to notice me, frowning in the doorway.

Maybe it’s best that she didn’t catch me staring at them. Maybe it’s best that she didn’t notice me until I regained my outward composure.

Once I realized that I was witnessing the last thing I ever wanted to see— what I was afraid happened behind closed doors— my heavy gaze crashed somewhere around my feet. In the reflective hardwood floor, I met my own downcast expression. Although I wanted nothing more than to forget how I looked in that moment, I couldn’t turn my head or raise my eyes without confronting the fear— the reality— of seeing Lei so close to, so engrossed with someone who—

Someone who wasn’t me.

My stomach lurched so violently with that thought that I gagged. I rushed to pack that thought, which was too jealous, selfish, embarrassing, and inappropriate to embrace, into a box in a dark corner of my mind where I could never find it again. The problem was that no matter how I tried to avoid that dark corner, I always wandered there with my eyes closed. The thought was strong enough to escape from its box, and it was smart enough to find me, and it was quick enough to chase me, and I was stupid enough to keep running long after it caught me.

I thought that my burning face, which must have been red, could have been cooled by the spring breeze. I thought that I would stop falling— I would stop sinking if I didn’t have to stand in the same room as their laughter. I would have bolted out of the house and away from the spiraling emotions that I never, never expected to experience, but I was paralyzed by Lei’s giggles filling the static air. I was numb with the desire to hear them still, even when I wasn’t the cause. Even when I needed to, I couldn’t walk away.

For a second, I think, my heart stopped. Once it started pounding again, I found the voice to ask, “What’s going on here?” It was lucky that anger— not whatever sadness nagged from that dark corner of my mind— was the primary emotion in my voice. At least, that’s what I told myself.

They stared at me with identical slackjawed, wide-eyed expressions, and I had to roll my eyes because the only alternative was to cry or something. I didn’t cry.

“Hey, Sehun!” Lei turned her smile to me, and I eagerly accepted what I couldn’t return until she hissed, “Get off, Lucas! Don’t you have any idea how bad this looks?”

Was it right to be proud of her for abandoning her laughter for the warning scowl that darkened her features? Was I proud of being the person who, by my voice or presence, forced that distance between her and others— even people like Lucas who I knew were good? Even when I reminded myself that I was just protecting her, I was stiff with guilt. It was my first time feeling that way. I didn’t like it.

“I don’t care how it looks!” Lucas transformed into a little kid when he pouted. He almost looked like Lei used to look. “Just lay still, and let me finish—”

“She said to get off,” I growled at Lucas, knowing that he wasn’t trying to cross inappropriate boundaries. He was completely innocent— almost to the point of stupidity— and I was perverting the situation by assuming the worst.

Lucas didn’t argue with me, though. He didn’t assert himself. He raised his hands in surrender, mouth falling open, and that’s when I saw that he was holding a black marker. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t interrupted any romantic moment. It was all a misunderstanding.

So why didn’t I feel better? Was the thought, the misunderstanding, the imagination that Lei had been close to somebody else terrible enough to ruin the day?

Lucas climbed off of her and stood straight as if to boast the handwriting (which I recognized as Lei’s) sprawled across his chest reading: LEICAS 4 EVA. Leicas— the word fans used to refer to their friendship and alleged romantic attraction. How foolish to make light of such rumors that could damage their reputations.

When Lei stood next to Lucas, I saw not only a tattoo identical to Lucas’s on her stomach, exposed under her white cropped shirt. Bright tattoos marked every inch of skin on her arms, legs, and even on much of her face. On one cheek was a sparkling silver heart drawn around the name Baek, penned by Baekhyun, no doubt. On the other was a larger, sloppier heart drawn around the name Ten. How childish.

As if attracted to the chance to deepen my scowl, Chanyeol barreled through the door. “Sehun, you promised you’d be right back! You said—” He fell silent at the sight of Lei. “What the hell happened to you, Princess?”

A blush broke out across the bridge of her nose as she scratched at the back of her neck. “Minseokie bought temporary tattoo markers and handed them out to all of the party guests so they could give me tattoos for my birthday! Apparently, he saw something in a movie, and—”

I blurted, “What the hell kind of movies is Minseok watching?”

And Chanyeol blurted, “Party guests?”

And Lucas told him, “Everyone’s out by the pool! Lei turns eighteen today!”

Chanyeol turned to me with a sick smirk as he repeated, “Eighteen, huh?”

I would have glared at him had I been able to tear my eyes away from Lei. Even while I glared at every mark on her body, I knew that the rage fuelling my every thought was an overreaction. I knew that I shouldn’t have wanted to scold Minseok for encouraging Baekhyun, Ten, Lucas, and everyone else at the party to make their mark on Lei.

“Come here!” Chanyeol called her toward us, holding his hand out for Lucas to give him the marker.

Because Lei and Lucas were foolish enough to obey, I had to intervene before Chanyeol could join the trend of writing on her. He probably would have written some insult on her skin for everyone to see, so I didn’t feel bad about snatching the marker and stuffing it into my pocket. “She’s a girl, not a piece of paper.”

“Come on, Sehun!” Chanyeol whined at my reaction before another smirk twisted his lips. “You’ll get your turn to mark the birthday girl!”

Lucas’s jaw dropped, and Lei grimaced, and I would have yelled at Chanyeol myself if Lei hadn’t beat me to it.

“Way to make it pervy, Chanyeol!” She rolled her eyes at him as she crossed her arms. When she rounded on her bare heels, deliberately whipping her ponytail, I caught the bright pink lettering on her shoulder reading, quite simply, “Yuta’s.” Something about that made my blood boil.

“Hey!” Kyungsoo’s deep voice preceded him. He stomped into the living room carrying a tray of uncooked meat and pointed his glare at me and Chanyeol. “Who invited you two?”

While I wondered just how many boys lurked around Lei’s house, Chanyeol retorted, “Well, it wasn’t you, Minseok, or Baekhyun!”

Kyungsoo didn’t bat an eyelash at Chanyeol’s harsh tone. Grinning faintly as he met Lei’s eyes, he shrugged. “Nobody ever invites Baekhyun, but he somehow manages to crash every party.”

Although nobody was looking at him, let alone talking to him, Lucas lowered his sunglasses over his eyes and chirped, “I like Baekhyun!”

“Anyway—” Kyungsoo resumed glaring at me and Chanyeol after smiling at Lucas— “I’m not going to allow you two to ruin the perfect pool party that Minseok and I planned for months at Manager Kim’s request!”

“Yeah?” Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed at Kyungsoo. “Well, we didn’t want to come to this stupid party anyway! Come on, Sehun!” He wrapped his hand around my arm and tried to pull me out the door that he left open, but I wouldn’t budge.

Tugging out of Chanyeol’s grip, momentarily forcing myself to pretend that others weren’t watching, I met Lei’s gaze head-on and said, “I didn’t mean to crash your party. I only wanted to tell you happy birthday. I didn’t mean—”

I didn’t mean to slip into a fight, but I didn’t say that.

“I didn’t know—”

When I pulled into the driveway, I didn’t know that I was walking into a situation where I would have to compete with Lucas and Baekhyun and Ten and Minseok and Kyungsoo and Yuta and who knows who else for her attention. Obviously, I didn’t say that either.

Chewing on my tongue, burning under everyone’s stares, I wheezed, “I’m sorry.” That was all I said those days. It never got easier.

Tugging at the ribbon in her hair, Lei said, “It’s okay, Sehun,” even though it wasn’t— even though my apology was incoherent. She tried to bite her smile as she said, “You can stay if you’re not busy.” I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t smile at me if she wanted to.

I would have dropped everything, said anything, done anything to inspire her to give me the smile that always used to be mine, but Chanyeol tried to speak on my behalf again.

Hands on his hips and thoroughly unapologetic, Chanyeol said, “Sorry to break it to ya, Princess, but your Prince Charming promised to drive me across town to meet up with my girl.”

“Your girl?” Kyungsoo and Lucas parroted. Lucas spoke with an open-mouthed grin, and (beneath his sunglasses) hearts probably gathered in his eyes. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo spoke through a tense frown, eyes devoid of everything but sheer annoyance.

For the first time I could remember, Lei was the first to look away. “Hey,” I said so quietly that nobody else in the room noticed. Lei heard, though, and she looked up instantly despite the distance between us. I said, “Don’t worry. I only make cross-town trips for true love.”

Her smile inspired my own even after Chanyeol focused his glare on me. I tossed my keys to him. “Feel free to take my car or call an Uber or something.”

“Are you serious?” He gawked at me when I nodded my head. “You’re staying? Just because she asked you to?”

Meeting Lei’s smile, I reasoned, “It’s her birthday,” but I knew that I would have done anything she asked any day of the year. Maybe that wasn’t how things had always been— or maybe it was— but I decided once and for all that I would be responsible for as many smiles as possible from then on.

As if he heard my silent vow, Chanyeol shook his head before shouting, “Well, I’m not staying!” He slammed the door on his way out.

When Lei winced at the sound, Lucas threw a protective arm around her shoulders. Watching her lean into his embrace, I wondered if she would have been comfortable enough to lean on me if I were the one standing by her side. Knowing that I would never reach out to her first, I tried to comfort her from afar by reminding her that she didn’t have to care about Chanyeol’s outburst.

I didn’t get the chance to say anything. Kyungsoo filled the silence. “If you’re going to stay, Sehun, do me a favor. Grab the other tray off the kitchen counter. And Lei—” his entire face changed— brightened— when he said her name. I wondered if I ever looked that happy when I said it. “Can you grab the cup of sliced watermelon and give it to Mark?”

Stepping out of Lucas’s embrace, Lei winked at Kyungsoo and saluted him. “You got it, Soo!”

Because he was usually opposed to being called anything other than Kyungsoo or D.O., I almost expected him to correct her or at least tell her not to wink at him. He didn’t. Kyungsoo winked back at her. “Lucas, can you come open the back door for me?”

Lucas ran to help Kyungsoo, and I followed Lei as she skipped into the kitchen. She spun behind the counter, grabbed the clear plastic cup containing sliced watermelon, and— after popping a piece into her mouth— caught me staring at her. Eyes widening, she held the cup out to me and offered through her mouthful, “Want one?”

I shook my head, and she shrugged, giggling, “Your loss, Sehun!”

She was set to dash out the back door, but she stopped when I asked, “Why don’t I have a nickname?”

“What?” She blinked at me, smile fading until I grinned at her. With my encouragement, she smiled that genuine smile that deepened her laugh lines and wrinkled her eyes.

“You call Minseok ‘Minseokie,’ Kyungsoo ‘Soo,’ and Baekhyun—” I pointed to the silver heart on her cheek— “‘Baek.’ So why am I just plain old Sehun?”

“I dunno.” She furrowed her brow and looked up at me. “What do you want me to call you?”

I mimicked her tone. “I dunno. I can’t come up with my own nickname, Lei.”

She pointed out, “You don’t call me by any nickname either. Chanyeol calls me ‘kid,’ and ‘princess,’ but you’ve always called me Lei.”

As if she didn’t know, I told her, “Chanyeol calls you those things just to be an asshole.”

She playfully gasped, “Language, Sehun!” She swatted at me and laughed when I cried out in exaggerated pain.

To get our conversation back on track, I said, “Everyone else calls you Lei.”

She said, “Well, you’re not everyone else to me, Sehun,” with such an emphasis on my name that I swear I felt it all at once— every emotion she ever spent on me. To this day, I haven’t stopped feeling it.

Trying to distract myself, I reached for the other tray that Kyungsoo piled high with meat. I tried not to cringe when I confessed, “I’ll always call you Lei because it’s the prettiest name I’ve ever heard.” And while she was busy gawking at me, I took the chance to run away in the futile hope of escaping further embarrassment.

I have always regretted leaving Lei alone in the kitchen because of how nearly impossible it was to get her attention outside where NCT boys seemed to multiply by the second. After dropping the tray off with Kyungsoo, who manned the grill while wearing a novelty apron whose punchline made no sense, I sat back in a lounge chair under an orange umbrella and tried to calm the weird palpitations in my chest.

From that chair, I watched Minseok make his rounds around the pool with a handheld camcorder. A smile grew on his face when we locked eyes, and he almost tackled one of the NCT kids— Taeyong, I think— on his way over to me.

Holding the camera just inches from my face, he asked, “Is there anything you wanna say to the birthday girl?”

I stuttered, “Um— happy birthday— Minseok, what are you doing?”

“I’m immortalizing the best pool party ever!” He whirled around to capture footage of Johnny leaping off of the diving board. “Oh, look!” He whirled around again to record Lei walking out of the house, cup of watermelon in hand. “Here comes the birthday girl!”

Her surprised expression was short-lived. Her free hand waved to the camera as she asked, “Aren’t you hot, Sehun?”

As a matter of fact, even when shielded by the umbrella, I was in danger of sweating to death. Still, I politely shook my head. “I’m fine, birthday girl.”

“You’re supposed to always call me Lei, remember?” Lei teased, and — of course— Minseok cackled as he filmed my resulting blush. “Seriously, Sehun, if you’re hot, you can borrow some swim trunks from Lucas’s room and jump in the pool.”

I repeated, “Lucas’s room?” but Lei didn’t respond, and Minseok didn’t film my stunned reaction because he was too focused on the boy who approached Lei.

“Whatcha doing there, Ten?” She took a cautious step away from him, and he batted his eyelashes as he smiled at her.

“Turn around, Lei,” he bossed. “I wanna give you another tattoo.”

Her bangs fell into her eyes when she shook her head. Cupping her cheek, she replied, “I think you gave me enough of a token to remember this day by, thanks.”

Minseok, Ten, and I snorted.

“I’m being serious this time,” Ten swore, smile melting into an earnest expression that almost anyone would fall for. “Turn around, and I’ll give you a serious tattoo.”

Lei rubbed the base of ner neck and averted her gaze from him. She said nothing until I urged, seeing that curious spark in her eyes, “Go for it.” She and Ten turned to face me, and I promised, “If he draws something stupid, I’ll mark it out.”

Ten brandished a glittering sky blue marker, and Lei turned her back to him with a weary sigh. “If you draw something stupid, Ten, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ten grabbed Lei by the waist to pull her closer. When he glanced over at me and caught my cautionary scowl, he smirked. “You and your boyfriend have me absolutely terrified, Lei. I’ll be a good boy.”

“Boyfriend?” Lei repeated in a gasp. She looked back at Ten, followed his gaze to me, and went pink in the face. “Oh.” A tiny smile played on her lips after she looked away from me. She never reacted that way when people mistook Lucas for her boyfriend. “Get your facts straight, Ten. Sehun is my Guardian Angel. Don’t taint our pure loving friendship with your filthy mind.”

Minseok repeated, “Guardian Angel,” looking to me for a reaction. I shrugged and looked away from him, but my smile spoke for itself.

“Oh, I see.” Ten nodded, still smirking. “How sweet. Anyway, what do you want me to draw?”

Lei shrugged. “You’re the artist, aren’t ya?”

“Well, you didn’t like my last masterpiece.” Ten traced his thumb over his heart on her cheek and laughed when she swatted him away. “So help me out a bit here. What’s your favorite thing in the world?”

Again, Lei shrugged, and Ten turned to me. “Well, what do you think, Guardian Angel? What’s Lei’s favorite thing?”

I didn’t have to glance up to see its faint shape in the sky to know the answer. “The moon.”

“How ‘bout it, Lei?” Ten barely glanced at her smile before penning a small crescent moon on the nape of her neck. After dropping the marker into the pocket of his black swim trunks, he puckered his lips to blow air on the tattoo.

Before I could scold him (and Minseok for filming such promiscuity) Lei rounded on Ten. “That wasn’t a part of the deal, you pervert!”

The flames in her eyes should have scalded him, but Ten didn’t flinch as he hummed, “I dunno what you’re talking about, silly.” He was bold enough to smile at her, and something about that gesture slightly quelled the fire in her eyes. “I was just helping the ink dry!”

Unconvinced, Lei blinked at him, and Ten winked at her before strutting away. Peering into Minseok’s camera, she griped, “The nerve of some boys!” and giggled before walking off, I assumed, to find Mark and give him the cup of sliced watermelon.

I swear, Minseok winked at me before he left in pursuit of the next exciting exchange to immortalize on tape. As I sat back in my chair, trying to come to terms with the fact that I had just watched somebody flirt with Lei out in the open, Lucas crash-landed into the chair nearest to me.

The chair was far away enough that he had to raise his voice to talk to me. “If you’re hot, you can get some swim trunks out of my room.”

“Your room?” I raised an eyebrow at him, but he wasn’t looking at me.

“Yep.” He rested his hands behind his head. “My room has an Avengers poster on the door, so—”

I interrupted to ask, “You have a bedroom in Lei’s house?”

Lucas nodded like it wasn’t a big deal. When I rolled my eyes and started slipping into annoyance, Lucas swore, “My intentions— they’re still friendly.”

Flatly, I told him, “Friends usually don’t move in together as teenagers.” I don’t know how true that is, but I believed it when I said it.

“Then maybe my intentions are — what’s the word? — familial.”

When I didn’t respond except to cross my arms over my chest, Lucas leaned over his seat to whisper— if you can really call it a whisper when he talked so loudly, “There is nobody here that you should be jealous of. We’re all friends, and everyone knows that Lei is totally hot—” I grimaced— “and sure, some of us are dumb enough to try to take a shot with her, but we all know about her dating ban. We all know that she would only make an exception for one person. None of us have been dumb enough to believe even for a second that the exception would be us.”

I started to tell him that I wasn’t jealous of anybody, but the words died in my mouth when I caught him looking at me over his glasses as if to imply that I was the one for whom she would cast aside logic and principles.

Although Lucas hadn’t said so explicitly, I hissed, “You should do a better job of guarding her secrets.”

Leaning back into his seat, he replied, “She doesn’t consider her feelings for you a secret.”

I couldn’t argue because he was right. As if it were all too easy— as if she couldn’t keep the words to herself— as if she didn’t want to leave the words unsaid— she told me, “You’re the handsomest person I’ve ever seen,” and “I haven’t outgrown my crush on you,” and, “I love you,” and she said my name in that way that made my heart swell, and—

I almost think that if somebody loves you the way Lei loved me, you have to surrender to love too. Maybe not at first, maybe not all at once, but eventually all of those years of being loved so completely, so unconditionally— they surrounded me, and maybe I didn’t want them to end.

In that moment when I couldn’t quite admit that I would also make an exception for one person, I could admit that if Lei wanted to love me where the whole world could watch— if she wanted to follow me again— if she wanted to hold my hand in the dark again— if she wanted to lean on my shoulder and trust me with all of her troubles again— if she wanted to take the first step toward me, I would never again try to stop her.

I was distracted from my romantic thoughts by an ear-splitting scream, a loud splash, and Lucas scrambling to sit upright in his chair and yell, “Dude, Johnny, Lei can’t swim!”

I could only shake my head. How stupid to live in a house with a huge pool without learning to swim. Obviously, I set aside my frustration and fascination that Lei had lived through childhood to jump out of my chair. I would have dove into the pool— wearing my jeans with my phone and her gift tucked into the pockets— but I stood still once Lei resurfaced, clinging to Johnny. They laughed so hard that water shot out of their noses.

Once I sat back in my seat and started to catch my breath, I mentally cursed Lei for being so irresponsible. Maybe she could stand to be careless enough to laugh in the face of near-death, but I couldn’t stand to watch it. If I was going to love her— out loud or in that dark corner of my mind— she needed to be more careful for my sake.

As soon as she found her footing in the shallow waters, she struck Johnny’s arm once, twice, three times until— still laughing— he finally released her from his embrace and allowed her to climb out of the water.

Staring down at him from higher ground, she yelled, “You ruined my shirt, Johnny!” And she wasn’t wrong. The white cropped top— now translucent— clung to her body like a second skin.

“Sorry!” Johnny grinned at her, and— again— the rage in her eyes was extinguished. “I didn’t really think about that when I pulled you into the water.” Johnny was polite enough to train his eyes on her face, but I noticed that many of the other boys allowed their eyes to drift lower.

Lei must have noticed too. After sticking her tongue out at Johnny, earning more of his boisterous laughter, she retreated to an abandoned corner by the pool. After ensuring that nobody was watching, she peeled off the white shirt to reveal the top half of her black bathing suit. Somehow, to my disappointment, all of her tattoos remained intact after being submerged in water.

From his place in the center of the pool, where he laid in a pink donut-shaped inner tube, Baekhyun whistled, “Take it off, Lei!”

When all heads turned to her at Baekhyun’s urging, she pressed the soaked shirt flat against her chest and dashed toward me and Lucas. It was kind of funny, charming in a way, that she could be so modest at a pool party where everyone— excluding me, Kyungsoo, and Minseok— was proudly shirtless.

Lucas said, “She’s really something, isn’t she?”

My face burned scarlet with the realization that anybody could have caught me staring at her. Anybody could have misinterpreted my motivations. Before I could say anything to Lucas, Lei was in earshot. I had to swallow my embarrassment.

“Move over, Lucas,” she wheezed, standing over him. When he only grunted in response, she frowned and climbed over one of his legs— which were placed on either side of the chair— to sit between them. She crossed her legs and turned her back to the pool.

“Are you asleep or something?” Lei leaned forward to lift his sunglasses, but Lucas swatted her hand away.

“No,” he answered, “I’m just trying to relax, and—” Lei lifted his sunglasses anyway, and Lucas whined, “back up, dude! You’re dripping pool water all over me!”

“Boohoo,” Lei mocked, poking her bottom lip into a pout. “I just got yanked into the pool by goofball Johnny, and then Baekhyun saw my bathing suit, and—”

“Dude.” Lucas’s calm voice thawed the anxiety etched into Lei’s features. More than ever, it was clear why they were close. “You look great! Calm down a bit.”

Lei raised her eyebrows uncertainly, tracing one of the tattoos on her thigh. “Really? You think I look great?”

Something about that bothered me. Did Lei have no idea that she was beautiful? Did the voices of those bullies from her trainee days still follow her? Had she fallen into the trap of reading online hate comments?

I didn’t know, and I never would have known how to approach the topic. I never would have known how to convince her that she was radiant inside and out. I get that beauty is usually one of those subjective concepts, but, objectively, Lei was beautiful. Anyone could have seen it from her ability to draw everyone’s attention without saying a word.

“Yeah!” Lucas assured her with a smile. “Who knows how many people were checking you out!”

I knew that he was eyeing me behind his reflective lenses, so my eyes darted away from their scene to look up at the sky.

Lei clicked her tongue. “I don’t want people to check me out—”

Before she could finish her complaint and I could feel culpable for my part in making her so neurotic, Kyungsoo tripped toward us, flip-flops slapping against the wet pavement. “I heard a scream and a splash and Baekhyun’s whistle! I would have come to check on you earlier, but the pork— I—” His eyebrows twitched as he took in Lei’s disheveled appearance. “What happened to you?”

Lei seemed reluctant to fuel Kyungsoo’s protective rage. She passed her shirt to Lucas and mumbled, “Wring that out, please.”

I knew that Kyungsoo would stand there, crossing his arms and tapping his foot, until he received an answer, and then lunch would never be finished. Stomach growling, I rose to my feet, grabbed the towel that was draped over the back of my chair, and took a protective stance behind Lei to shield her from curious stares drifting her way from the pool.

Dropping the folded towel onto Lei’s lap, I told Kyungsoo, “Johnny pulled Lei into the deep end of the pool, and—”

“WHAT?” Kyungsoo’s face went white before burning crimson. “But Lei can’t swim!”

Lei forced a smile. “I’m okay, Soo. Johnny kept a hold on me the whole time, and—”

Kyungsoo didn’t seem to hear her. He waddled to the edge of the pool, formed a megaphone around his mouth with his hands, and announced, “Attention, party people!”

In the process of lowering my head in embarrassment, I noticed that Lucas was wringing Lei’s shirt with unnecessary force. Lei was too busy drying her hair with the towel to notice and correct him, so I set to unbuttoning my shirt to offer it to her.

“Do NOT pull people into the pool— especially not the birthday girl! If you do, Minseok will tell you to get out and go home!” Kyungsoo gestured to Minseok, who forced his smile into a threatening glower that probably threatened nobody before Baekhyun yelled, “You don’t scare us!”

Minseok took a step toward Baekhyun, eliciting a scream. I rolled my eyes, and Kyungsoo shook his head before walking back to the grill.

“Lucas!” Lei shrieked and snatched her shirt from him. When she held it against her chest, what once fit perfectly was now two or three sizes too large. “What did you do?”

His only response was, “Oops.”

Lei launched the balled-up shirt at his chest, and her visible disappointment only faded when I, stifling my laughter, dropped my unbuttoned shirt over her shoulders. The sky blue fabric suited her better than me; it made sense that she should keep it, then.

She turned around, looked up at me with wide eyes, and said, “Thank you, Sehun.”

The voice that she spoke to me with was softer than the one she trusted to Ten, Johnny, Minseok, Kyungsoo, and — yes— even Lucas. Something about that made my heart swell.

I nodded to say, “You’re welcome,” because I couldn't string two words together to make a sentence when Lei was looking at me like that.

“Wow, man!” Lucas beamed at me too. “You’re a real hero!”

When Lei turned away from me to laugh at Lucas’s reaction, I crossed my arms over my plain white t-shirt. I guess I was disappointed yet again by her fleeting attention. I just didn’t hold it like I used to.

She frowned at her shirt in Lucas’s hands. “Well, you might as well just throw it away now.”

“Throw it away?” Lucas hugged the shirt against his bare chest. “Just because it doesn’t fit you anymore doesn’t mean it should end up in the trash!”

Lei’s eyebrows shot up at his passionate argument. “What? Do you want it or something?” Lucas nodded his head eagerly, and Lei shrugged before giving him his way. “Whatever. Just don’t hang it up in my closet when it’s your turn to do the laundry.”

“Yay!” Lucas squealed as he flew off of the chair. “Thanks, Lei!”

Smiling, she watched him dash into the house. Then, she took his place in the chair. She pressed her back against the chair, crossed her legs, and draped the towel over them before looking up to see that I was no longer behind her. I was before her. She gasped, raised her hands to shield her eyes from the sun, and the sleeves of my shirt— which were too big for her— slid down her arms.

“Hey, Sehun.” She couldn’t quite smile while squinting her eyes. “Having fun?”

I moved a few steps to the left to block out the sun, and she lowered her hands and laid them flat in her lap.

“I’m having a blast.” Was I being sarcastic? Probably. But I was happy to spend time with her then with few distractions.

“Aren’t you tired of standing?” She tilted her head aside. Patting the space on the chair before her, she suggested, “You can sit with me if you want. Or you can grab that chair over there, and—” She bit on her tongue in surprise when I sat on the edge of her chair at the earliest invitation.

Glancing around at the thriving party, I observed, “You have a lot of friends.” Of course, I knew it, but knowing it in theory was a lot different from seeing it in real life.

“They’re nice.” She smiled, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. It reminded me of the void in her chest that she tried to fill with Lucas. It reminded me of the secret that, at least in Donghae’s mind, threatened to clear out this gathering of flirtatious well-wishers.

Suddenly, she sat up straight and motioned for me to move closer. “Come here, I have to tell you a secret.”

Forgetting for a moment that I didn’t want to learn another secret for the rest of my life, I obeyed her. She whispered, “I think they like me because a.) I have a pool, and b.) no matter how much they flirt, I’ll never give in. You know, some people are into that— chasing somebody they can never catch.”

She was flirting with me, I realized, when she winked to mask the blush staining her face.

I tried to flirt back. “Are you into that?”

When she sighed, dropped our eye contact, and forced another smile, I realized that she did not yet know that she caught me. It was still the beginning of reimagining her. It was the beginning of the heart-fluttering moments. I didn’t know where the road into the unknown would lead, but I saw no option other than to follow it— to follow her.

She said, “I was raised to never chase after boys. I’ve only ever followed one—” she nudged me— “and I promised not to do that anymore.”

Even without her pointed touch, I would have known that she was talking about me. Despite the deflation in my chest, I praised her. “Good. Don’t follow anybody. Continue on your path, and if somebody wants to walk with you for a while—”

When she poked my cheek, I realized that I was frowning. Her frown mirrored mine. “Don’t look like that, Sehun. It hurts my feelings.”

For her, I forced a smile, and she laughed an airy sort of laugh. “I dunno why you’re so sentimental today, but—” her eyes widened— “oh.”

“Oh?” My forehead wrinkled. “Oh what?” My heart raced with the fear that she was seeing me clearly.

“We’re on the same path right now.” She smiled, and my heart raced with the hope that she was seeing me clearly.

“We’ve always walked together,” I told her. “It’s just—”

Seeing that I had gone stiff with anxiety, she said, “It’s okay, Sehun. I understand.”

I couldn’t quite believe that she understood, but because I didn’t know the words to explain my feelings, I didn’t say anything.

“It’s probably not going to last.” She didn’t frown, and I couldn't understand how she could smile while saying, “It— we— I know that we won’t be in the same place at the same time forever, but I’m so happy that you’re here now.”

She was crushing me under the weight of an unfamiliar sadness, but I promised, “I’m happy too,” and it wasn’t a lie.

Still smiling, she said, “You can walk with me anytime, Sehun.”

I can’t explain why remembering that makes me want to cry. She was saying something kind— loving— but her words felt so much like a goodbye. Maybe they were a goodbye to days that were already past— the days when she followed my shadow. It felt so much like she would fade or fly away or find another path or another companion if I took the time to blink.

Fear prompted me to grab her hand as if that touch would keep her within arms reach, within eyesight, with me. Her eyes were rounded and filled with every shining star, and I— I had to look away. I had to play off the act of pure affection by digging the tattoo marker out of my pocket.

“I thought you were opposed to marking me like I’m a piece of paper,” she teased.

Probably blushing, I scoffed. “It’s different when I do it.”

She asked her favorite question: “Why?”

“Because I love you,” I almost said, “and I have to show it somehow.”

Instead, I shrugged, closed my eyes, and tried to think of a drawing that would compete with— no, triumph over all of the others on her body. Ideas didn’t come easily. I didn’t watch dramas or read romance novels or even listen to romantic music that much (or at all), so I had to card through my memories until I remembered a craft I did on Valentine’s Day in the third grade.

Then, we dipped our thumb in red paint and pressed it twice to a piece of paper to make a heart to give to our parents. The idea was profound enough, I guess, since it relied on the concept that like no two fingerprints are identical, no two loves are identical.

Bearing that in mind, I coated my thumb with the marker’s black ink and softly pressed a heart into the skin on the back of Lei’s hand.

I watched her smile at the symbol. Just because I was curious to see whether she would react to me the way she reacted to Ten, I raised her hand to my lips and blew on the heart. She didn’t swat at me, glare at me, flinch away, or say anything. She just watched me.

Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe she would make any exception for me. That probably wasn’t wise or safe, so why did her lapse in judgment make me so happy?

“Okay,” she hummed. She snatched the marker before taking my hand in hers. “Your turn!”

Within the blink of an eye, she had placed her heart on my hand. I wanted to carry it everywhere with me. I wanted to boast it to everybody, but I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t know who to tell. I didn’t know what to say to make them understand how much it meant to me.

Something about the electricity in Lei’s touch— something about the thought that the heart would fade from sight— sent me springing to my feet with the blurted excuse, “I’m not feeling well.”

It wasn’t a lie. Suddenly, my heart was pounding in my chest, ringing in my ears, and my stomach was knotting and rising and sinking, and my palms were sweating, and there was a lump in my throat, and I was sick. I fished the gift box containing the cherry blossom charm for the bracelet that she still wore— that I hoped she would always wear— out of my pocket. Careful not to allow our skin to touch, almost afraid of the shock, I left it in her palm.

I ran into the house, regretting that I sent Chanyeol away with my keys until I found him sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table.

Through a mouthful of blue icing, Chanyeol asked, “Are you done now?” He glanced over at me and sat upright. “Hey, are you alright? Your face is a little green.”

I shook my head. “I’m sick. I’m going home.”

“Okay. Let’s go, then.” He snatched my keys off the table and stood from the couch. “I was gonna leave, but I don’t know how to drive a stick shift, and—” When I reached out for the keys, he offered, “I’ll drive if you don’t feel good.”

I assured him that I was fine before beelining to the car, keys in hand.

Chanyeol was quiet until I raised my hand to the steering wheel. The moment he saw the heart, he broke into brain-rattling, side-splitting laughter. “Wow.” He wiped amused tears from the corners of his eyes. “I remember doing that craft in, like, first grade. Your girlfriend is real creative.”

Something in my stomach fluttered, and I don’t think I liked it. Tightening my grip on the wheel, I instantly retorted, “It was my idea.” I should have said, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Chanyeol noticed my mistake. “Oh,” he nodded his head sagely, “so she is your girlfriend!”

My face flushed, and my heart pounded again, and all I could think to say was, “Shut up, Chanyeol.”

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raat-jaaga-paakhi · 4 years

Text

(D)Evolution of Rukmini-Harana

This I wrote while brainstorming in the beginning of this month to centre my brain on what we know of Rukmini, so I could write her with (dis)regard to the texts. And what I found out in my Ruk-foray, was simultaneously intriguing and repelling. Tagging my Mahabharata people, if you want to go on Rukmini’s journey through the scriptures and the later kavyas (ancient fanfiction, guys) and don’t mind my snarky commentary in between as I try to be as analytical as possible (Warning: Strong Opinions and Wtf Moments!) – @avani008 @parlegee @incurablescribbler @shaonharryandpannisim @ambitiousandcunning @glyphenthusiast @mayavanavihariniharini @allegoriesinmediasres @walburgablack @jigyask @heyifinallyhaveablog @1nsaankahanhai-bkr from the top of my head. Under the cut, for this is detailed.

Mahabharata

Rukmini-Haran legend is outlined in several places: that Sabha scene we all seem to love unanimously, Krishna-Draupadi in exile, Arjuna describing Krishna’s feats, and in Udyoga parva when Rukmi comes to help in the war. Other times, she is mentioned as mother of Pradyumna (in fact, Pradyumna’s name is mostly replaced by “son of Rukmini”). Only details being: Rukmini was meant to be Shishupala’s, Krishna came, abducted her, fought off Rukmi who had taken an oath to not return without killing him, Rukmi builds Bhojakata due to his defeat. Rukmi is mentioned a few times to have learned battlecraft from a kimpurusha Druma (whose name is often written as Drona, eliciting confusion between Dronacharya of Hastinapur), from whom he gets Indra’s bow which is said to be equal to Gandiva and Sharnga.

- BORI CE Mbh, Translated by B. Debroy.

He comes with an akshauini to Pandavas’ camp where he is welcomed warmly enough, until he opens his big mouth and says, “Dudes, if you all are afraid of the Kauravas, I can help!” Insert big, smug smile. Krishna is present, but silent. Arjuna speaks, reminding Rukmi that he sought no help from anyone at multiple times (he goes harcore here *grins*), and wouldn’t need the same now, esp. from one like him. Disappointed Rukmi goes to Duryodhana’s camp where he’s rejected for, er, being the Pandavas’ reject and for his big mouth. Yeah. He, like Balarama, remains neutral. (Interesting that it’s Balarama who kills him, later.)

- BORI CE Mbh, Trans. By B. Debroy

There is no letter, no mention of a swayamvara, no love, nothing, sticking to Mahabharata’s rather dry style, which if stripped of its mystical elements would be a cold, clean historical narrative.

Apology: I am not giving any more screenshots (except for Bhaagavat, because it has some rather nice parts), for this would become…far too long to handle for even me. I promise you can take my word for it.

Harivamsa

Considered an “appendix” (khila) to Mahabharata, it contains the legend of Rukmini in the greatest of details. @parlegee would love to hear that her fic kalyanakirti, where Rukmini and Krishna have an early meeting before the letter and all, does have some solid basis. The legend in narrated in two separate parts: swayamvara and harana. Sadly, the first part doesn’t get into the BORI CE Harivamsa, but that is made understandable by Dr. Bibek Debroy, who comments the Harivamsa editing is indiscriminate and lacking in quality w.r.t. cutting down events, as compared to the precise and thoughtful editing of Mahabharata proper, at the very beginning of his translation. Thus, the omission, I guess. I am giving a rundown for this is what we will refer back to as we compare the later versions. (For reference, go to Mahabharata Resources online.)

Swayamvara part –

Rukmi arranges for Rukmini’s swayamvara, calling his boys and excluding Krishna (ofc), of which Krishna gets wind and arrives in class with Garuda. He is welcomed—notedly not by the king, as opposed to rules of hospitality—by his relative/father Kaisika, outside of the capital of Vidarbh in Kaisika’s own city.

Quite strangely, Kaisika and his brother Kratha offer Krishna their city; there is even some messenger fanfare with Indra.

Comment: This seems like something of an interpolation to me (it’s politically and intellectually stupid okay – why would krishna need to abduct rukmini with such pains if a part of vidarbha was already his. he could have been more politically subtle and all. it’s just horrible statesmanship), and part of the avatar-vaad or “make Krishna a god so that we can cloak his philosophies and ideas with the veil of god’s incomprehensible lilas so that no one can hope to emulate him and his decidedly non-brahmanical approach, and so they wait for his next appearance while the world burns” propaganda. Shut up, Medha, you’re going to be killed for this. Nah, brain, I will speak my truth.

Meanwhile, Jarasandha and his cronies come to know of Krishna’s arrival, get “afraid” and there is this huge-ass, strange, contradictory conversation. Jarasandha and Sunitha (read: shishupala. yeah, boi had this other, nicer name) are primarily of the view that Krishna is gonna fight them, while Dantavakra (hm, isn’t he another of krishna’s cousins?) opposes that. Shalva and the others also expressed their ideas. The exact point of this conversation is highly inscrutable because, (not) strangely, the conversation is shrouded by them praising and glorifying their arch-enemy as the “lord of the universe” and what-not. (wut? why do you all constantly fight him if you know “who he truly is” and so on? are you masochists, guys – i am seriously concerned. your opponent is apparently vishnu yet you go on fighting him knowing you’re gonna be defeated. what’s the point? medha, stfu) I mean, a professional, grudging admiration for a fellow warrior is fine, good even, but what’s this BS?

The next part is even more laughable, which I didn’t think was possible. They hear of Krishna’s “coronation” and except Rukmi, everyone attends it, even Jarasandha. Huh? Jarasandha who laughed in Krishna’s face in Mbh, called him a coward cowherd (love alliteration) outright so many times in both Mbh and HV . . . I don’t understand any of this. Is it fear for the one person you cannot seem to properly defeat? Are you trying to keep peace, because that’s ridiculous when you have gone on offence so many times. Is it that you are “honoured” to be part of such an important moment in your arch-enemy, who also happens to be “Vishnu’s poorna avatar”?

Then comes a truly interesting part – Bhishmaka and Krishna have a talk. Bhishmaka thinks it’s better to offer Rukmini to Krishna outright and that swayamvara is a stupid thing – whether it is this particular one Rukmi has arranged, or swayamvaras in general, is kinda unclear. For the sake of Bhishmaka, I will go with the first. He apologises to Krishna for not inviting him to the swaymvara for he is helpless against his ignorant son (I guess the ignorance relates to “the true form of Lord Krishna” here) and…hm, this is both exciting and…controversial? Krishna rebukes Bhishmaka quite strongly about letting Rukmi treat him as a doormat and what-not and I would be heart-eyes for he’s technically defending Rukmini in some weird, chauvinistic manner, but . . . is he? His tone is rather peculiar, if you read it. He ends his little tirade with saying that Rukmini is Lakshmi reborn and as such, meant only for him, and technically demands to dismiss the swayamvara. And then, he just…leaves with Garuda. Form your headcanons, guys. This is just too weird.

Bhishmaka is sweet-and-obedient little devotee now and does as he is told. Interestingly, this is before the formation of Dwaraka, for it is here, after the Rukmini’s swayamvara is postponed that Jarasandh and his cronies hatch the plot to use the foreigner Kalyavana to kill Krishna. (just now you attended the boy’s coronation ceremony, usually attended by allies and friends, and praised him as lord of all…make up your minds, guys)

Also, it is here that Rukmini makes up her mind to marry Krishna. Hm, a little meeting, particularly the one you wrote, Maya Di, is extremely likely!

Harana part –

After Kalyavana’s death, Jarasandha’s failure and Dwaraka’s formation, Jarasandha decides to have Rukmini married to Shishupala, just like that. Here is also said that Rukmi had gained celestial weaponry and the Brahmastra (woah!) from Druma and Parasurama respectively. Hm, looks like he was quite the excellent warrior. It isn’t specified if Parashurama only gave him the celestial weapons or taught him as well like he did with Karna – both are different things. But hey, why do people keep going to Parasurama specifically for Brahmastra? I feel bad for the big guy. [Also, here comes this strange issue, Parasurama is, by Karna’s words as well as popular perception, supposed to not hold any sort of guru-ness towards Kshatriyas, which is why the latter had to lie in order to learn from him, considering Suta is an inferior division of the main Kshatriya varna. But that’s topic for another day, Medha.]

Okay, so it is mentioned that Rukmini and Krishna both longed for Krishna, and though there’s no dialogue, it appears that Rukmi knew of this, for the text goes on to say why Rukmi won’t accept this marriage – his enmity with Krishna due to the latter killing his friend Kamsa who also happened to be son-in-law of beloved Jarasandha etc. The text says that with Jarasandha and Shishupala, also came the allied kings Dantavakra, Paundraka, and the kings of Anga and Vanga. [This…is markedly curious. Surely by this time in the epic, Karna was crowned Angaraja? For it not to be so, Krishna would have to be much, much older than the Pandavas, chronologically speaking, which is the headcanon of a popular modern writer Ashok K. Banker. But Yudhisthir and Bhima are considered Krishna’s elders many times in Mbh. There is also this strange friend/frenemy-ship between Karna and Jarasandha as they have a kind of stalemate in a fight and Jarasandha, pleased, offers Karna a city in Anga, Malinipuri, if I remember right. Does it mean that not all of Anga was under Hastinapur’s influence? Again, Medha, to dissect another day.]

Now, “to please their aunt” (Shishupala’s mother Shrutashrava), Krishna comes with Balarama and other Vrishni heroes, all welcomed by Kaisika and Kratha. Upon seeing Rukmini in her journey to pay obeisances to Goddess Indrani, Krishna, er, cannot control himself and decides to abduct her, in consultation with Balarama and others. To note that (i) even though the text expresses both their desires to be with each other, it seems like an impromptu decision to abduct Rukmini, almost as if in lust (at least, that’s what the text makes it sound like); (ii) there’s none of that “coming alone in a hurry after getting her letter” event, as per Harivamsa. He comes quite prepared, and even consults with the other Kshatriyas before going for it.

You know the drill now: Krishna abducts Rukmini as she finishes her prayers and Balarama defeats all the guards. Krishna then puts the responsibility of the war on Yadava heroes like Balarama, Satyaki, Kritavarma, Gada, Prasena (is this that same Prasena of Syamantaka incident?) etc. and sets out for Dwaraka with Rukmini. At all this, Jarasandha and his cronies Shishupala, Dantavaktra, Paundraka, kings of Anga (again!), Vanga, Kalinga and others decide to kill Krishna in a joint attack. There are small descriptions of these following duels – Satyaki vs Jarasandha, Akrura vs Dantavakra, Viprthu vs Shishupala. Shishupala, after being attacked by Atidanta, Gavesana and Brhaddurga (who are these people, gosh) kills Virpthu’s horses and beheads Brhaddurga. Balarama kills the king of Vanga and then attacks Jarasandha. All this results in the defeat of Jarasandha and his cronies.

Hearing this, Rukmi vows before Bhishmaka and if he can’t kill Krishna and bring Rukmini back, he won’t return to the capital Kundina. Note that the next part of his vow, bringing Rukmini back, isn’t mentioned in Mbh proper. He leaves, accompanied by Kratha (that devoted guy?), Amsuman, Srutarva, Venudari and Bhishmaka’s other unnamed sons.

Rukmi sees Krishna-Rukmini standing on the banks of Narmada (aw, what are these two love-birds doing on a riverbank, that’s so romantic… Medha, stop). [Also, as I argued with someone on Quora, had it been a forcible abduction, without Rukmini’s consent in any way whatsoever, considering the letter is not in HV, they wouldn’t be standing there on a riverbank, resting and doing hell-knows-what. It’s a logical fallacy, sorry.]

Seeing them together, he gets even more pissed and wants to kill Krishna in a dwairatha (dual chariot) fight. Cool stuff. Both archers fight. Krishna kills his charioteer and cuts off his chariot-banner. [What’s the thing with this? Why even bother? If you are making a statement then stop, we know who’s gonna win. Even if you didn’t win the fight, the texts would still claim you the winner. Medha, stop, you are supposed to love the man. Yes, the man, not the god men have created as a horrible substitute for the real thing. Why am I saying this now? This is a very normal archery feat if we see Mahabharata’s war parvas.] He defeats all the Vidarbhan warriors and kills many. Rukmi is not a doormat. He retaliates, cutting off Krishna’s banner as well (the garuda one! wow, boi), hurts both Krishna and his charioteer with his arrows. [Aw, and people say Arjuna only won his duels because of Krishna being his charioteer. Dude, look at this. I mean, these people straight out claim him to be God Incarnate and yet, they can’t completely smoothly modify a fight scene to suit their purposes – how sweet. Stfu, Medha.] Krishna then cuts Rukmi’s bow. [The Vijaya one? Surely Rukmi is not fighting such a serious fight without it. If so, wow. You just cut Indra’s prized bow – you really have a strong issue with the guy, don’t ya? Yeah, I feel you.]

Rukmi picks up another (here’s to perseverance), which Krishna again cuts off and crushes Rukmi’s chariot. Now Rukmi rushes at Krishna with a sword (gotta give, guy’s relentless) which Krishna cuts off and uses a sharp weapon called naracha on him which hurts him enough to render him senseless. The remaining soldiers run away. Rukmini’s pity aroused, she pleads for Krishna to spare her brother. Krishna lifts her up and reasures her (awww *waves shipping flag, completely ignoring the falling at his feet part*), then assures poor Rukmi of his safety (who seems to have woken up from his swoon by now, poor boy must have been so tired…why am I feeling so bad for Rukmi? I hate the guy! Btw, I can so imagine Krishna being cheeky here). He returns to Dwaraka with Rukmini, accompanied by Balarama and other Yadavas and his wedding his celebrated there.

There are no later versions of the legend in other texts that tally with the first part (swayamvara) seen in Harivamsa. There’s no love letter, no shaving hair-and-moustache. Let me tell you guys here only, for I don’t want to repeat this, there is no Madhavpur Ghed in the texts I have encountered (and they’re quite a bunch, as you’ll see).

Note: The evolution or composition of Mahabharata and Harivamsa are considered by old and modern scholars alike to have gone parallely, so the insertions of Rukmi’s details, his guru Druma, his bow Vijaya, etc. which seem to exactly match Harivamsa, may have been addded after that part of Harivamsa was written.

Vishnu Purana (about 300 BC-450 CE)

Rukmini-harana is narrated very shortly here, whereas in Harivamsa, it takes up a few chapters, being one of the most prominent parts of the text, as compared to Krishna’s marriage to his other wives. The entire swayamvara part, from Krishna’s “coronation” to the postponement of the swayamvara is missing here. From the harana part as well, Rukmi and his celestial weaponry, worship of Indrani, consultation with Balarama and other Yadavas before abduction, seeing Rukmini-Krishna along Narmada, details of the fights, aren’t present. Again, no love letter (though, even this extremely short version of a few mere verses speaks of Krishna and Rukmini’s mutual love), no shaving. However, it doesn’t deviate from the “original” in Harivamsa as well; it only clips away the details as if deeming them unnecesary in the larger context.

Matsya Purana (about 200-500 CE) mentions her among the Ashtabharya, here listed as – Rukmini, Satyabhama, Satya, Nagnajiti, Gandhari, Subhima, Shaivya, Lakshmana. [argh, we’ll talk about this later. just know for one that this is clearly not a very…right list, and not only in popular perception. jambavati isn’t mentioned; satya, nagnajiti, gandhari and lakshmana are having an identity crisis amongst themselves. basically, the text(s) is (are) only sure about rukmini and satyabhama. pardonable, for they happen to be krishna’s most famous wives. i feel so bad.]

Bhaagavat Purana (about 500-1000 CE)

Oh, yeah, this one is interesting. Unlike Vishnu Purana, Bhaagavat is all about the details. (reminds me of amitabh sir in badla every time i say this word.) There are omissions as well, for Rukmi and his celestial weaponry, Bhishmaka’s lineage, etc. are not mentioned. Let me go by points of difference only, since the main story has been explained in Harivamsa.

We get to hear the names of Rukmi’s younger brothers, only mentioned in HV – Rukmaratha, Rukmavahu, Rukmakesa, Rukmamali. We come to know Rukmini heard of Krishna from bards and decided he would be her perfect match. (Despite Bhaagavat’s devotional fervour that distracts from the main events, I love its version so much better in so many places.) Similarly, hearing of Rukmini’s knowledge and beauty, our boy pines for her. The relatives shipped Rukmini/Krishna as well, but only Rukmi seems to be against it, who arranges her marriage to Shishu. Learning of this, Rukmini sends a faithful old brahmin to Dwaraka with her message, who is received respectfully by Krishna. In her message, she…well, makes me fangirl. Interspersed between what seems to be fanatically devotional love for her “lord”, Rukmini calmly devises a straight and firm plan for him to follow, from the going to the temple of Girija (not Indrani, here) and the Rakshasa vivaha, telling him “not to worry” and all, and also adds a little…threat, in the end, that if he doesn’t do so, she will give up her life by fasting. Neat.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Krishna, “in love and excitement”, says that he too has been spending sleepless nights pining for Rukmini. Aw.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Added this to say, here’s the implicit metaphor of Jarasandha and his cronies being the kindling and Rukmini the diew generated by churning them. (Why am I thinking of Samudra-manthan?)

Here, Krishna doesn’t bring Balarama or any other Yadava hero with him, straight going to Kundina on his chariot with his charioteer Daruka and the brahmin, and apparently reaches within one night (which is realistically impossible, except if he had something like Pushpaka, which is not so here). There’s lot of description of pre-wedding things, where the only thing striking me is the phrase “Rukmini with fine teeth”. (I can just imagine her baring her teeth at Rukmi’s back, uff.) As Shishu sets out from Chedi with Jarasandha and his cronies who have developed a “stratagem” to kill Krishna, Balarama comes to know of the plot and sets out after Krishna with the Yadava heroes, moved by his affection for his bro. Exasperated elder brother, here he is.

A despairing Rukmini is informed by the brahmin of Krishna’s arrival in Kundina, she thanks him. Bhishmaka comes to know of Krishna and Balarama’s arrival, whereas in Harivamsa, it was Kaisika who welcomed them. There’s also this huge gathering of Vidarbhans to see Krishna and they decide that only he is fit for their princess. That’s so sweet. After worshipping Goddes Ambika/Girija, asking for Krishna to be her husband, Rukmini returns very slowly from the temple, her beauty so bewitching that a few kings “fall down from their horses, elephants, chariots”. Omfg! Lol. Krishna abducts her in presence of all those kings, who rebuke themselves and shower arrows upon Krishna, seeing which Rukmini laments in fear. Krishna consoles her, the Yadavas march against the kings; Jarasandha, Shishu and their friends have to flee to save their lives. No details are given, as compared to HV. Here, is a very interesting segment, where Shishu laments about having “lost” Rukmini and Jarasandha consoles him in a strangely fatalistic manner:

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Comment: Jara actually doesn’t sound insane or just fatalistic here, imo. He sounds...manipulative af. Don’t think that was the intent of the writers (more likely it was just to forwards the idea of fate and futility as opposed to true action), but that’s what it sounds like to me. Worthy opponent for Krishna, if you ask me.

Now, there’s that drill with Rukmi and his vow, except here, he’s said to have taken an akshauhini of men. When he sees Krishna-Rukmini (no Narmada river here), he verbally insults Krishna unlike prev. versions and then attacks him.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

(Even the abuse here is mild, compared to Mahabharata. I mean, think of the dice game, the Shishupala-vadha parva and so on! But still, Bhaagavat retains class, even as it propounds avatar-vaad, fatalism and fervent devotion.)

The description of battle here is more intense and long-drawn (compared to the main Yadava battle fought against Jarasandha and his cronies), with Krishna cutting down Rukmi’s banner, and then breaking three of his bows. Rukmi uses various kinds of weapons on Krishna – Parigha, Pattisa, Tomara, Camra, Shula, Asi, Shakti, etc. but Krishna remains steadfast in his defence. Rukmi then picks up a sword and rushes at Krishna; there’s no mention of Krishna having killed his charioteer and crushed his chariot. Krishna descends to thebsword-fight and brandishing his own, breaks Rukmi’s sword too. Now you know the drill, falling at his feet and all, our Rukmini. (Don’t roll your eyes, Medha.) Now...it’s in Bhaagavat we see the disfiguring first, Krishna deciding to give him some sort of light punishment, shaving off his moustache, beard and hair unevenly.

There’s another alteration here, that Balarama comes to see this and rebukes Krishna for humiliating a relative. Rukmini is apparently inconsolable and he offers Rukmini a patronising (if sensible philosophically in many places) discourse, starting with a more political note of “the conduct of Kshatriyas is hard and merciless where brother kills brother” and continuing with a lengthy philosophical lecture of the body and the soul, as in in tune with Mahabharata’s Gita, to a marginal extent. Rukmini attempts to calm down, and they return to Dwaraka. The marriage is well-described, with the addition of kings with intimate relations invited – from Kuru, Srinjaya, Kekeya, Kunti races and Vidarbh as well! Hm. Interesting. As is the inconsolable Rukmini, described earlier, which finds no mention in earlier (or a few later versions). Is it so hard to imagine a “difficult woman”, in Nikita Gill’s terms? Does she have to be a wilting flower, even though it breaks off from her prev. characterisation? I mean, she can sure be miffed at it, but for her to be so disconsolate that Balarama out of all people has to offer a huge-ass philosophical advice. Sigh. Basically, Bhaagavat more or less presents it attractively by way of supplying more materials to the story (the greatest and most landmark being Rukmini’s letter), even while it ignores some other details (like Narmada).

Brahmanda Purana (about 400-600 CE) doesn’t delineate the main legend, but Rukmini, the princess of Vidarbha, is mentioned as Krishna’s principal wife, along with the names of their sons and daughter.

Padma Purana (about 400-1600 CE)

Points of difference:

Brothers’ names apart from Rukmi not mentioned.

To fulfil her desire to marry her “lord”, Rukmini worships the gods from childhood itself and keeps sacred vows. Hm, yeah, go ahead.

Here, her brahmin is called the son of a purohita who is received by both Krishna and Balarama. Rukmini’s words in her message are not there anymore (a format which will be followed by every later version except the kavyas) as opposed to the beautiful plan in Bhaagavat and, they both set out for Kundina. No army of Yadava heroes accompany them.

Rukmini goes to the temple by her chariot rather than by foot, at evening, none of which is mentioned in prev. versions. After the abduction, it is Balarama who singlehandedly routs all the kings headed by Jarasandha, using his plough (Langala) and Musala (…the same weapon they use in the fratricidal war of Mausala parva, incidently; so it has some other source than that “curse” where Samva delivers this “new weapon” called musala).

There’s no mention of Rukmi’s vow.

When Rukmi attacks Krishna, he laughs and defends himself with his bow Saranga, a bow presented by Indra. Keeping with both HV and Bhaagavat, dear Krishna obligingly cuts of Rukmi’s bow, his banner, his charioteer’s head and crushes the chariot. There’s Rukmi with his sword, and Krishna with a sharp knife.

Interestingly, there’s no objection or plea or falling at his feet from Rukmini, but Krishna still doesn’t kill him, letting him go by his own free will. That doesn’t stop him from laughing and shaving the hair on his head, though. The beard and moustache are forgiven.

Despite not having taken the vow, apparently the humiliation is enough for Rukmi to built Bhojkata in Vidarbh outside of Kundina, keeping with all prev. versions.

No Madhavpur again. What’s interesting here, is that Nanda and Yashoda and other cowherds are present in the wedding in Dwaraka, unlike popular perception which says Krishna never met his adoptive parents after having left Vrindavana.

Skanda Purana (about 600-1200 CE)

It is narrated to Yudhisthir by Markandeya about the significance of some Rukmini teertha. Points of difference:

Rukmini’s mother is mentioned to be “Mahadevi”. This could also be a title, since queens were also addressed thus. Rukmini is said to be her second child, younger to Rukmi and elder to the other brothers, whose names aren’t mentioned.

At her birth, there is this prophecy about her marriage to this four-armed divine person by a bodiless voice, kinda like Kamsa’s akashvani. Sure, go on. Marry her to Krishna right as she’s born, why don’t you? It’s destiny after all. Can I add that the previous love affair between Rukmini and Krishna is also not mentioned.

Damaghosha, king of Chedi and Shishupala’s father goes to Bhishmaka with a marriage proposal, more in accordance with a marriage as we see it now as compared to the prev. versions (where Jarasandha and Rukmi are instrumental), as also the prevalent nature of marriage of those days w.r.t. Mahabharata.

These two develop attraction to each other just prior to the abduction, in the vein of Harivamsa, but Harivamsa does speak of mutual pining long before the abduction.

The brahmin messenger, the role or even the name of Jarasandha, Rukmi’s fierce vow – nothing finds mention.

Unlike prev. versions, Krishna and Balarama are invited by Bhishmaka to Rukmini’s marriage. No other Yadava hero is mentioned to have accompanied, similar to Padma Purana.

It brings back the river Narmada, where Rukmini and Krishna were resting and Rukmi stumbled upon them, which is only found farther back in Harivamsa.

Now, the battle with Rukmi gets interesting here. There is no archery or even swordfight; rather, Krishna takes his chakra to battle. Fearful, Rukmini asks Krishna to bless her brother with the “divine eye”. Krishna obeys, “pleased” by Rukmini. Rukmi’s ignorance taken away, he offers auspicious prayers to Krishna, who, pleased at the brother this time, blesses him and speaks “blissful words”. Rukmi happily goes back to Kundina. No Bhojkata, no insult, no killing or fighting.

Even the marriage isn’t celebrated in Dwaraka, but on the very banks of Narmada, in the presence of pious sages and other brahmins.

A long explanation of the significance of Rukmini tirtha is given in details, which we don’t find in prev. versions and which I have no energy to go over, for it isn’t significant to either the topic, or even Rukmini in general.

In a nutshell, Skanda Purana takes a decided and marked departure from the martial, the political and the more realistic, to the more mystical realms that have surrounded Krishna and his actions. Do we see a pattern here?

Brahmavaivarta Purana (about 700-1500 CE)

God, I hate this one so much. In a nutshell, guys, it goes several steps ahead of Skanda Purana and goes for a classic social marriage, as is prevalent nowadays. There’s no abduction, no Shishupala, no love, no resistance from Rukmi, no agency from either the bride or the groom. Nothing.

[Instead of Rukmini-harana, or even Rukmini-swayamvara, the headings become “Rukmini Udvaah Prastaav varnan” (description of proposal of Rukmini’s marriage) and then, “Rukmini Vivaahe Yuddham” (fight in Rukmini’s marriage). Credit where credit’s due, I learnt from an online friend about the Sanskrit titles.]

No message is sent by Rukmini, but a brahmin messenger does go with a proposal of marriage. He is sent by Bhishmaka instead of Rukmini. What’s more, the letter was addressed to Ugrasena, and it’s not Krishna, or even Balarama, who receives the proposal. It is Ugrasena, stepping into the limelight where before he had no role to play except that of a figurehead and a tortured father as per the texts.

In Kundina (described in detail for the first time, with the classic mahajanapada-style ditch around it), Krishna and Rukmini have a nice social marriage, presided over by all the elders and kings, with Bhishma, Drona, Duryodhana etc. and the Pandavas in attendance. Again, no mention of Jarasandha, but there’s a fight between Balarama and Shishupala, Dantavakra, Rukmi and Shalva, ending in a sorta mysterious, inconclusive defeat.

How interesting is it, that Brahmavaivarta is a text dedicated to, er, Radha-Krishna, an idea that didn’t exist until the Bhakti movement. So they just decide that no, such a daredevil mariage between lovers won’t do. It has to be society forcing these two together (rather than apart, as we see in Mahabharata et al), because it is Radha and Krishna whose relationship is against society, the rebellion of rebellions in the name of true love nd devotion, blah-blah. Forgive my tone, please, but I am pissed off, ‘kay?

The concerted effort to make everything in Krishna’s life, except Radha (oh, because they are the Supreme in Goloka, which is even above Kailasa and Vaikuntha, and nothing can separate them and all), socially acceptable because he’s their “God” who can do no wrong except if in “true love for Radha” (when the dude clearly rebelled against society any chance he got) is ridiculous. Esp. this! Damn, don’t make my girl into this insignificant little thing. Harivamsa and Vishnu Purana were silent about Rukmini’s letter too, but at least both mentioned clear attraction and interest between Krishna-Rukmini.

Digressing: Also, why is Krishna such a sap here, suddenly? Or why does the Radha-Krishna pairing (which originally symbolises the Jeevatma-Paramatma or devotee-god relationship,) need Krishna to chase her ceaselessly and for all his actions to lead up to her, despite him advocating being a man of action in the real world? I am sorry for being so vocal; it’s probably just my pent-up frustration from that horrible Radha-Krishna serial where this Krishna (gosh, I can’t even call him that!) finds a reason to cry every single time. I would have forgiven it had they cut off the Vishnu’s avatar perspective and kept only the lover boy part, but they keep it and they still make him a crybaby. What’s worse…at the times he should actually feel bad, he’s “calm” af, looking as if he has transcended every human emotion, and just patronises people. Such hypocrisy. Look, I have nothing against men who cry; in fact, it’s heartening to have men strong enough to embrace their emotions, esp. publicly; similarly, there is nothing wrong with suppressing them (apart from the mental health issues it generates, but we are no one to judge). But people, when you are making an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient character…keep the BS consistent at least?! (Sorry, civility.)

Agni Purana (about 800-1100 CE) only mentions Rukmini as one of the eight principal wives.

[Devi-Bhaagavata Purana gives a brief outline sticking to what’s known. It says that in Rukmini’s swayamvara, Shishupala is specifically invited (this is the popular notion, and what I personally believed too, and still find myself going for). Krishna, with Ugrasena’s permission (not mentioned in prev. versions; as opposed to consulting with his fellow warriors in HV), takes Rukmini in Rakshasa vivaha. It also mentions that he later married Jambavati, Satya, Mitravinda, Kalindi, Nagnajiti, Bhadra, Lakshmana. (Satyabhama is not present. She seems to have been confused with Satya, whose other name is Nagnajiti, princess of Kosala.)

Kalki Purana goes for this elaborate Rukmini vrata which grants desired husband to a lady as a fruit of the vrata, where Rukmini is accorded deity status alongside Krishna, seemingly for the first time (not considering the temples dedicated to both). A woman named Sharmistha (strangely similar to Sharmistha of Yayati, Puru’s mother, who too hankered after Yayati) offers oblations to Rukmini-Krishna, saying a prayer: “O Lord, offerer of boons, accept the camphor, molasses and sandalwood with your beloved Rukmini, princess of Vidarbha. O lotus-eyed one, possesor of pitambara and four arms, supreme of gods. Please be satisfied with me and protect me with Rukmini.” It’s far longer, but this is the gist. Is this still Krishna we are speaking of? Huh, all these rituals and Krishna don’t sit well.]

I have only been able to catch hold of so many texts, and of the others, Markandeya Purana (about 250-700 CE) and Shiva Purana (about 1000-1400 CE) do not even mention Rukmini. Mudgala Purana only says Lord Krishna had 16,008 beautiful wives and washes its hands off.

Note: Mathematician and Vedic shastra writer Baudhayana cites Rukmini/Krishna as an example of Rakshasa vivaha.

Sanskrit Literature

So after the Puranas kinda close off the (d)evolution with turning such interesting stuff to the dry social marriage w.r.t. to the parallel evolution of Radha-Krishna, where the concept of Krishna shifted completely from a socio-political persona with mild godlike touch to become a complete love god (as also the lord of the universe)… Rukmini rises again in later literature, of what, by modern standards, would be ancient fanfiction. Lol. There are loads of poetic descriptions (think Kalidasa) that embellishes the narrative – for example, the beauty of sunrise described for paragraphs onto paragraphs. (Yeah, I skimmed those. I was too interested in some Rukmini action. Will appreciate the poetry later.)

References are made to the Rukmini-haran incident in Shishupala-vadham by Magha in around 600 CE, in the 2nd canto, where Balarama, Krishna and Uddhava are in conversation, planning to kill Shishupala. (I hate this.) The entire canto is full of controversial speeches. Balarama refers to Krishna abducting Rukmini from her swayamvara and defeating Shishupala as being the latter’s prime reason for animosity, saying things like “women are the root of all enmity”.

It is referred to in Bhavabhuti’s Malati-Madhav as well, a love story between Malati and Madhav (son of a Vidarbhan minister), where in a convo between friends, a lady says something like “Purushottama Krishna accepted Rukmini, the mother of Kandarpa (Pradyumna being considered Kama’s rebirth), at her self-choice (swayamvara) ceremony”.

There is Bhagavata-Champu (don’t laugh) by Ananta Bhatta before 1500 AD and Sri-Gopala-Champu by Jiva Goswami. Both show their retellings to be derived from Bhaagavata purana (I’m so glad). In fact, in some places, like Rukmini’s letter and Balarama’s consolatory speech after Rukmi’s humiliation, the lines (as per the translated hardcopy in my home) seem to have been picked up directly from Bhaagavata. So it must be that the original Sanskrit lines were as well. The only thing that differs in Sri-Gopala-Champu is the premise of the story. Two messengers from Krishna tell the story to Nanda, Rukmini’s attributes coming up in the conversation. Radha and her fellow Gopis are mentioned as being present and eulogised. (Can no one let my girl have a moment?) But I love these few lines from the convo. The listeners speak thus (not the exact translation, but I don’t have the book rn):

“Although a girl, she is very intelligent and brave.”

“Is she a girl?” (Omfg, I laughed so much at this)

“No, never. She is a tense female elephant.” (The comparison is aimed to be praising of the confident, slow gait of an elephant in Sanskrit poetry, not in the modern way a woman might be called en elephant. Warriors and great women hav often been compared to elephants. There also seems to be an oxymoron as she is described as being tense or edgy, perhaps an allusion to being cautious…Hm, the spy headcanon, @avani008 and @allegoriesinmediasres? *grins excitedly* Oh, we’ll take anything, won’t we?)

“She is fearless, because she is a princess.”

Intelligent, brave, fearless, cautious…oh yeah, all my personal headcanons too.

Other Sanskrit works are as follows, to the best of my knowledge, some gathered from my grandparents and some from friends. I don’t know if their online versions are available, will have to see.

Bhaismi-Parinaya-Champu by prolific poet Ratnakheta Srinivasa Dikshita (South India) around late 16th century. also based on the Bhaagavata version. His son, renowned scholar Rajachuramani Dikshita wrote the Rukmini-Kalyana-Mahakavya (flourished in late 16th and early 17th centuries), possibly one of the most important Sanskrit works on the incident. This one, I unfortunately haven’t read, but have heard about from my late eldest grandfather. Two whole cantos take up Krishna’s mental affliction and pining in a pleasure garden of Dwaraka at the thought of his beloved Rukmini. Aw. Basically, Sanskrit poetry used to be all about elaborate descriptions and comparisons which would veer far, far away from the context, which in these times would be considered redundant and unnecessary. I agree, sort of. I would rather read about political machinations, rather than devotional poetry that distracts us from the issue at hand, thank you very much. Stfu, Medha.

We have Parvati-Rukminiya by astrologer poet Vidya Madhav in late 17th century, which narrates two marriages at a time – Shiva/Parvati and Krishna/Rukmini. Rukmini-Parinaya was written by Ram Varman of Trivancore in the middle 18th century.

Rukmini-Haranam-Mahakavyam, by Kashinatha Sharma Dvivedi, was published first in 1966 AD. (This one, my eldest grandmother straight up read to me, Bengal-ising it while she read. It was arduous, but I was old enough to bear the long hours.) Here, we find a few deviations from Bhaagavat – We find a long description of Rukmini straight up from birth to youth (yikes, that’s what I was attempting to do in my Yugantaram fic). It’s not a lot of characterisation, though – mainly dramatisation, if I remember correctly. (Unfortunately, I don’t know if we have that book any more.) The second canto has a description of Narada, who comes to Bhishmaka’s court bearing Krishna’s tales, which we don’t find in prev. versions, and who appears in the first canto of Magha’s Shishupala-vadham as well. In the third canto, Rukmini, hearing all this, falls in love and is treated by the royal physicians and offered consolation by her friends. (Here’s to one of my best-beloved lines of Hema’s Meerabai, ‘Is love an affliction, that you can cure?’) The next four cantos dramatise and stretch this love-struck Rukmini – with lovely descriptions of the moon, the seasons, the royal garden, etc. The next three cantos describe Rukmini’s marriage being fixed to Shishu by Rukmi, her sending the brahmin messenger to Krishna, a vivid description of Krishna’s beauty (as a young gal, I fell in love with that, yeah, I know, sorry) and an equally beautiful description of the dawn (which may be compared to the description of dawn in Shishupala-vadham by Magha… people are really fond of poeticising political and social issues to hide their significance behind glamour. Medha, stop). In the next canto, Krishna begins his journey to Vidarbha with obeisance to Lord Shiva, which isn’t present anywhere else. It is worth mentioning that the poet also starts his epic poem with salutations to Shiva as well, and states that he composed the entire poem with the grace of Lord Shiva. There’s a lot more descriptions, along with the deviation of Rukmini being guarded on orders of Shishupala rather than those of Rukmi, but the skeleton is all Bhaagavat. Sharma Dvivedi has been inspired heavily by Magha. It stands that his Rukmini-Haranam-Mahakavyam is the most successful rendering of the legend.

It has come to my knowledge that there are other Sanskrit literary works on these two as well but…I just don’t have the energy, sorry. There is a time and place for poetry and devotional fervour. Let me just say, with absolute relish on my side, that it is the Bhaagavat version that is preferred by our predecessors unanimously and all the Sanskrit literature is based on that. Personally, my go-to is Harivamsa and Bhaagavat as well, especially since they have the oldest layers of puranic text. I mean, just imagine, if all later retellings had been based on Brahmavaivarta rather than Bhaagavat. There would be no Rukmini-lovers at all! I mean, the first love does start from the most popular version, after all. It never fails to intrigue me, how legends undergo these modifications, and none of it is a coincidence.

Much love,

Medha

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imagine-fight-write · 4 years

Text

RANDOM - Banana Fish Review, Vol. 1, Part Four

(This was one of my fav gifs looking for gifs of Shorter.)

*There will be pictures/gifs included tomorrow, because this is already late & loading them is taking forever, for some reason.

Haha, no, I actually prettied it up 1/5/21. Yes, I’m glorious.

No I’m actually Dio DIO in this situation, who am I kidding.

(This transition from Caesar to Dio fascinates me, by the way.) (The GIF.)

The JOJO reference is because I’ve finally finished Diamond is Unbreakable! It was fun! I enjoyed it a lot! Ready for the next part!

But back to Banana Fish.

Hope you enjoy this!

So my plans failed again. Who is surprised? (Not me.)

I apologize profusely for the gaping void of Banana Fish-ness left since last I posted.

No really. I now have an alarm set for every Wednesday.

Let’s see how this goes. News Update: Maybe next time.

Also, my internet is still blitzy & rotten, otherwise I would’ve posted this yesterday (the 15th).

Now on to the in-depth, delighted gushing - er, review, of Banana Fish!

*Also, this is part 4, and 4 is a special number for me. Because of this guy:

And I can spell his name correctly!!! (It’s Ulquiorra, from Bleach, my 1st anime fan gushing love.)

Yes, I’m strange. Moving on.

So, brief recap, since I’m not sure anyone has read Part 3, given how terrifyingly long it is. If you missed it, here’s the link:

https://imagine-fight-write.tumblr.com/post/632014616404344832/random-banana-fish-review-vol-1-part-3-my

Please love & like it & repost to the rest of the Web. I worked tremendously hard on it.

Yes it’s long, but oh, it was delightful! There was snark! Delicious food! Wine! Fabulous mustaches! Mysteries! I gushed so much!

(And snarled at the wonton waste of good breakfast food, which I will not forget & always condemn.)

*I mean, I know people who will throw up if they have breakfast in the morning. But it’s important to eat so you have energy to do things & feel good.

And Dino took a perfectly beautiful breakfast & essentially wasted it for no good reason. I was so mad.

We meet Dino Golzine, a.k.a., Ash’s worst nemesis /enemy (note, I can’t spell nemesis) and major reason for why his life sucks.

(Although society doesn’t help either. Though the police try. They really do. Except what’s his face who’s complete scum & thoughtless, but we won’t meet him til Vol. 2. Plus I don’t think he has a name?)

But yes, Dino Golzine. All around awful person, and not safe around children (or anyone, really.) He’s low-key in this scene, mostly using verbal assaults (to great effect) but just you wait. There’s a reason he’s a mob boss.

Ash snarks, to great effect, but he’s no match. Dino has all the cards and all the dice (cards & dice being metaphors for power, & how he involves awful, painful memories of Ash’s past & tries to manipulate & order him around. Brrr.)

But Ash rallies, and ultimately refuses returning to be Dino’s heir / toy.

We meet Shorter! Huzzah!

(End of recap.)

It’s clear right away Shorter & Ash are old friends. They exchange quips about Marvin. We learn Marvin holds a mean grudge, so savvy readers can guess it’ll come to play later (it does.)

Shorter’s last line is strange.

“Just don’t put me in the position of having to kill you.”

Which is kinda out of the blue. I don’t know what to make of it. It doesn’t spoil or fore-shadow anything (unless in a very confused, round-about way) because that never happens later. So I’m confused.

Ash laughs it off and goes zooming off on his motor-bike / motorcycle (not sure which).

Note, from this short scene we already learn Shorter has his own sources of information - he knows Ash went to Dino’s, fast enough to be there before their conversation ended (unless he was just lucky to be there already - why was he there?). He already knows about Ash’s talk with Marvin, with enough detail to warn Ash about Marvin’s temper & that Marvin likes him, which is a bad combination.

Shorter is smart & cares about his friends, warning Ash about Marvin.

Aren’t friends great?

Especially after meeting such a dominating if soft spoken monster like Dino?

The answer is yes.

Next, we get this hilariously great shot of Ash running up the steps to his dingy apartment (pg. 47.)

It’s reminiscent for me of a scene in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Part 1, when Jonathan & Dino have their epic fight in the Joestar mansion.

There’s a part where Jonathan does this epic flip up to a second floor via sword (it’s epic) & it ends with this a few-seconds-longer-than it-needs-to-be shot of his butt. You can’t miss it. I’m usually oblivious to such things & I noticed it. I laugh every single time.

Anyway, back to Banana Fish.

(The atmosphere of grunginess (it’s not a word, I meant dirty, ugly, rough) & spartan furniture is great. Just look at those walls. I adore it.

(But would never want to live there.) Ash is clearly not rich & after Dino’s rich mansion, this is a stark contrast.

Also, there are no pictures or posters on the walls (which are festooned with dirt and cracks instead.) In fact, there’s almost nothing in terms of personal effects at all.

This baffles me. I mean yes, I assume they’re all dirt poor, living in a gang & working for the mafia on the side isn’t something you do for the luxuries. But surely they’d have something.

Or maybe it has something to do with Japanese decorating aesthetics? Meaning, Japanese appear to be more spartan than Americans in terms of decor (see the book, In Praise of Shadows, for example.)

* I can’t spell aesthetics. Why do I even use that word?

The apartment just looks extremely bare compared to others I’ve seen in movies depicting this era. Is what I’m saying.

Look at those bare walls. (It hurts me.)

Thoughts? Comments on how Japanese, Americans, and Europeans differ in basic decorating styles? Comment below!

Also remember as always, Banana Fish is both set & was written in the 1980’s, well before the “modern” style we have now.

Unless - wait. There is something very important to Ash which he’s clearly hiding in the apartment he goes to, which I assume only Skip & select members know about.

So maybe this isn’t actually Ash’s main base, where he sleeps & hangs out?

Yes, that must be it.

If you’re confused, I’ll explain once we get done with this section.

Moving on.

We meet Skip!!!! (Pg.47)

Black characters (and Latino) are still, alas, extremely rare in manga, anime, & other media, so all the cheers for including Skip so early & as such an important character.

Because Skip is very important. For multiple reasons. More on that later. Also note, 1 of the gang members Ash busts earlier is also black.

Again, the dialogue is great here between Ash & Skip, establishing Ash’s trust in him. Which is no small thing.

Skip is like Shorter, (agh, both their names start with S) sweet, but also has a nose for news.

Arthur’s going to get it, hah!

There’s yet another reference to it being early.

Though there’s no specific time mentioned . . . Nope, not since Ash found the poor, dying banana fish dude.

Does Ash usually sleep in? Is he a night owl? He was wandering around at 1 in the morning last night, after all.

*Yes, technically it was early morning, but it was still dark, so bite me.

But then, he was also suspicious & keeping tabs on his 2 gang members. So, who knows.

But I’m going to guess he’s a night owl.

Ash sits on the bed, and after Skip mentions everything is good, “him, too”.

Ash gives his 1st real, genuine smile. Gentle, relieved, no hard edges. Just pure happiness & relief. It’s sweet.

(Also, I just realized the “him, too” is supposed to be a surprise / shock for the reader & I spoiled it earlier. I do apologize.)

Skip offers to get coffee but Ash declines, deciding to nap, which reminds me:

Actually, drinking coffee before you take a nap can, for some people, actually make you sleep better.

Also, short cat naps (15-30mins) can boost your energy and mood.

Naps are good for you!

I almost wondered if the comics Skip had on the table might’ve been manga, but remembered it was the 1980’s and, far as I know, manga wasn’t big the U.S. yet. Alas!

Which is funny if you think about this being in a manga.

Skip goes to leave. Ash puts his hand in his pocket and gets this intense, almost fierce expression on his face (middle panel, pg. 48).

I was absolutely baffled by this reaction for a long time, but finally figured it out. Ash’s reaction is supposed to be baffling, because what he realizes right here will be revealed in the next few pages.

Skip, concerned, asks what’s up, but Ash brushes him off and sends him off to buy coffee. (After which I sincerely hope he takes a nap, because he needs one, he’s been up all night.) Sleep is good for you!

Skip is able to buy coffee with a single coin. A single coin.

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

All my tears, and curses on inflation and overpriced coffee! And Starbucks!

Anyway, we learn Arthur’s going to get it (and Skip is the best spy ever) and the scene cuts to:

Our favorite person (not) Dino Golzine, tending his orchids.

I like this. It’s a rather unique hobby for a villian. I assume to give him a refined, elegant, and exact air.

He’s interrupted by Angie & his fabulous mustache (snickers) and this delightfully comic scientist person (who might be important later? The face sameness makes it difficult to judge, & I’m too lazy to consult my other volumes, which are not close by.)

But his entrance is priceless (pg. 50). I mean seriously, please go find it if you haven’t already. It’s dramatic, with a big WHAM! & he looks so cartoonish.

I love it.

Dino tells him, essentially, “don’t disturb my orchids” and me being an non-gardner person, I wonder: is it actually true loud noises can disturb flowers?

Comment below!

Anyway, Dino quickly establishes yes, he did send Ash’s gang members to kill the poor banana fish guy who started this whole mystery, and yes, it was important.

There’s a great panel (pg. 51) of scientist dude, drawn much less comedic, the whole panel black except for a white aura around him sweating and clearly in distress.

He whispers, “It - it’s gone.”

Dino snaps to attention with a leonine look, exactly like a cat who has just spotted another cat. It’s easily my favorite picture of Dino so far, very striking.

The dialogue is brilliant and snappy, short and direct.

“What is gone? . . . You’re positive? . . . Just a small amount.”

And we get the grand reveal:

Ash, taking out a bullet shaped capsule (was the shape intentional by Yoshida?). A capsule he’d clearly taken from the dying banana fish guy. There’s a great panel on the bottom of pg. 52 of Ash’s questioning expression and a ?

He unscrews the capsule and pulls out a tiny vial.

Thinks of the address the dying banana fish guy gave him.

Ash goes into the next room, where we see the silhouette of someone sitting with a plaid blanket draped across their knees.

He expresses his first real look of vulnerability, and gives a wonderful line:

“Go see . . . Banana fish . . . He said it and died. And you say it and you might as well be dead. Who did this to you? Griff . . . Please tell me, big brother.”

Everything clicks together (almost.)

Griff /Griffin is the soldier shown way back in the very beginning. The one who left for a few minutes and came back insane and shot up his squad.

Who’s now a human vegetable.

Banana fish is clearly responsible. Somehow.

And Dino is mixed in with it (of course). Pieces are coming together, but questions still remain.

Until next time!

#random #banana fish #banana fish review #manga #ash lynx #skip #banana fish shorter #friendship #xena warrior princess #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

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symwinter · 4 years

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Making Descendants likeable to me and only me but maybe you if we have similar tastes?

Part One: Mal

The best way to ‘fix’ Mal, is to give a context to her actions, have her grow from them, and change for the better, a standard thing really.

In movie one the main thing Mal has to learn is to grow out of her mother’s shadow. A lot of what she does is to be like her mom, there’s a whole song about it, but to make it the driving force of her first step in her arc is a good way of going about it. Have her initially be against the date with Ben because her mother wasn’t the dating type. Have her interest in magic be because her mother is. Then her telling her mother off at the end of the third act all the more climatic.

The other thing is to remove the manipulation of Ben with the love potion. Instead, it would make more sense to infect Audrey with some kind of hatred spell. Audrey already doesn’t like the Core Four, so the spell just makes her more obsessed and spiteful of them, therefore Audrey has more reason to want revenge on Mal in movie three other than stealing her boyfriend when the spell breaks.

Movie two‘s main arc is trying to figure who she is by going back to her roots, magic and then the Isle. Her conflict with Uma is more a result of her pre and post Auradon side as she still cares about Ben, lovable puppy that he is, even when she’s trying to be the person she was before. However I am going to get rid of the whole love spell thing Uma does since magic doesn’t work on the Isle and it’s never explained how she got off the isle and did the spell

By the end of the movie, Mal embraces the better parts of her old self and the better parts of her new self and along with having one of my favourite movies endings with the dancing boat scene, she tells Ben her actual real faery name, a sign of utmost trust: Morgana.

Movie 3 is more like a tv show with an A plot and a B plot. A plot is “actions have consequences” primarily focusing on what she did to Audrey. B plot is “how to keep her deal with Uma without endangering the people she cares about” because in case anyone forgot the Isle holds people like: attempted murderers, actual murderers, abusive parental figures, people who have committed high treason, people who have attempted regicide and/or identity theft, attempted animal murderers, people who are willing to manipulate a teenage girl who’s stuff got destroyed to gain power, a jock, whatever the fuck Captain Hook was trying to do. It isn’t safe to release them onto Auradon and just assume their grudges will go away.

By the end of the movie when Hades, who isn’t her dad in my version, gets on his high horse, Mal rightfully admits it was her fault Audrey went this far but also that Audrey is like seventeen, nobody died, and that there was little to no collateral damage. As for the whole villain kid parent thing, Mal and Ben reinstate something I’m calling the “Villain Rehabilitation Act” which is basically a rehab/help centre type thing that allows villains who want to change the opportunity to change in things like a larger scale Remedial Goodness class, finding jobs where their skills come in handy, and finding Auradon citizens who are willingly to help them get better.

Also due to fairy physiology, Mal should have wings. The basics for me is that a fairy’s shoulder blades are more pronounced to act as the breaking point for wings, but because Mal was on the island the anti-magic prevented them from growing out properly but also technically hid the pain so when she reaches Auradon she has back problems and what looks to be fractals from the damage her lack of wings has caused. It also acts as a catalyst in the first movie when she goes to Fairy Godmother for help and kind of experiences genuine motherly affection as Fairy Godmother breaks the unofficial rule not to use magic to break Mal’s wings out of her back with as little pain as possible. Like all wings they’re translucent with fairy magic in a physical form being the sparkles/glitter, but hers are dragon shaped.

Part Two: Evie

Since I can’t just make Evie the protagonist without doing a bunch of movie rewriting, we shall keep Evie as the deuteragonist/tritagonist that she is. Also like the others, her character arc is handled in the movie and then she’s fairly stable for the rest. Evie’s major character arc in movie one is to not trade her passions to get the guy. This is dealt with through her two most defining relationships in Auradon: Doug and Ben. While Jay is her best friend, more on that in a the next part, it’s those two that basically help Evie to ditch the persona she had put on. She’s still boy crazy and wants a nice castle, but she should be herself. Evie is fashion savvy, empathetic, and genuinely smart and she shouldn’t throw it out. By the time two and three roll around, she’s got an upcoming business, a sick boat party to look forward to, and is making bank by embracing and sharing her fashion. Her time on the Isle isn’t ever really discussed because for a good portion of it, she was locked in her house for not inviting Mal to her birthday party, so she actually knows the least about the Isle. However, that is unimportant as she acts as the bridge between Mal’s old and new self having figured out how to be her best self without getting rid of the person she was, and in movie three she’s legit done with all the fighting because she is the most emotionally mature which is why she suggests the ice breakers because Audrey is clearing a danger to herself and others and we don’t have time for your power trips.

Part Three: Jay and Carlos

You know when we reach the “and” I’m running out of stuff to do. This is probably where we reach the point where it’s primarily background or aesthetics that change more than a storyline.

Jay is the only member of the Core Four to be born in Auradon. His mother is alive and well. Just before our gang was born, the Villain Rehabilitation Act happened, and Jafar decided why not in a ploy to get power, but then befriended and fell in love with Jay’s mom, but the act was revoked for unknown reasons and Jafar, as well as baby Jay were sent back to the Isle, even though Jafar was one of the least dangerous villains at the time. So technically for Jay, Auradon is a chance to meet his mom. Which he does on Family Day before the whole Queen Leah drama. THe other notable thing about Jay’s past is his friendship with Evei, which began when he broke into the castle to hide after stealing some stuff for his dad and Evie hiding him from her mom. Friendship blossomed from there and the two will often hang out because of this.

Carlos is both easy and hard to work with. For example, appearance wise he would have movie two hair, the peak hairstyle honestly, but everything about him personality wise is a lot more… poised. He still likes tech, but fall out of the limo he does not. However he’s not great at talking to people without being kinda bitchy. His main issue with Jane is her lack of self confidence, so even after the hairstyle upgrade in movie one he still kinda sees her as spineless though he’d never say it outloud.

His arc is friendship through the doggo and like compliment sandwiches. Taking care of Dude and having to give positive critiques teaches him empathy, constructive criticism, and a better way of complimenting people by pointing out the effort a person put into something, even if the result isn’t great. There’d be a part of the dance in movie one where Carlos tells Jane that her problem isn’t her appearance, but her lack of confidence and offers to help her figure it out. Also his crush on Jane stays but the whole having trouble asking her out is either ignored or dealt with very quickly. Like they’re about to go to the Isle to get Mal back and Carlos spots Jane and asks if she’ll be his date to Cotillion if he gets back in time for it.

Part Four: Ben

The gist is that a single strand of his dad’s curse is in his DNA and fairy magic can strengthen it, so for movie one, other than the whole Audrey thing, his major conflict is that he’s in love with a woman who can legit turn him into a beast. I mean there’s magic water and true love, but it’s still a terrifying thought to him, especially since Ben is a total sweetheart and doesn’t deserve it. Interestingly enough, he finds that nothing actually happens when he’s with Mal until movie two when we learn Fairy Godmother was requested to bury the curse so on the Isle, where magic doesn’t work, he’s basically a ticking time bomb since the beast curse was still gaining strength from Mal’s untamed magic and since it’s also genetic, it can affect him on the Isle. It mainly takes the form of claws and being a bit more on edge. By the time they return home, the spell is placed back on him, and is subsequently broken again in movie three. Ben can’t catch a break, but once the whole enchanted water puts him at a halfway point, he learns of Mal’s deal and brings up the old Villain Rehabilitation Act since it’s what he based his exchange program on and is able to find the moving fairy cottage by following the smell of Audrey’s perfume. Movie three’s whole thing is the acceptance that his curse is kinda cool and that fangs are fun.

Part Five: Antagonists

Movie two has Uma as the antagonist with Harry and Gil as like lackeys. Uma does not hate just Mal. Evie, Jay and Carlos all got to leave the Isle and get a better life, but Mal had power on the Isle and even though Uma rose when she left, she still feels it was just given to her. Her goal is to truly beat Mal so her power feels justified. Harry goes along cause he’s like lowkey in love with Uma, but like he just has a general thing for confident women and gravitated to Uma due to shared interests, and Gil had nothing better to do. That’s why he’s the odd one out. Somehow after the whole Ben kidnap fails, Uma escapes the Isle but rather than mind control Ben cause no thanks, she decides to ruin cotillion. Unlike before, Uma has been humiliated by Mal, so attacking the boat with her octopus tentacles is a pretty big fuck you. When that fails she hides out in her mother’s old lair until movie three. Meanwhile Harry and Gil are left with trying to hold the crew together but by movie three it’s broken up which is why Harry and Gil decide to break out and are less then excited to see Uma initially since she abandoned them. But again, they’re happy that she’s back. Harry does kinda break away from Uma such as complimenting Evie back after she compliments his accent, but it’s Gil who has the best character arc as he becomes part of a himbo duo with Jay. Gil honestly doesn’t need to change, he's great as he is.

So we’ve already covered movie one’s antagonist, Audrey who was a means to an end created by Mal and while Mal does break it, I don’t imagine she apologized for it. So she vanishes before the dance sequence and goes to deal with every that’s happened and also probably to be a witch on the Charmed reboot, I don’t know for sure. But movie three Audrey is a different story ignoring the end, which was talked about as well. Audrey’s primary goal in movie three is to get back at Mal which is deserved, and Queen of Mean is a bop so it’s staying. The downside is Audrey is so invested in revenge she doesn’t think to stop using Maleficent’s wand which was created to be used by a fairy. Fairy wings basically act as a magic battery, constantly replenishing the magic used by spells, so when a human, like Audrey, uses it, when it runs out of magic, it’ll use Audrey’s life as energy ie. it puts her in a coma. When Audrey does wake up thanks to Hades, she finally gets her apology from Mal and while they aren’t friends, they don’t hate each other. She also trades the pink for blue as pink reminds her of things like activating the curse on her ex-boyfriend or locking Chad in a closet.

Next is Hades who isn’t Mal’s dad. That was kinda dumb. His plan is mostly the same, escape the Isle by making people feel bad for him, but again, Mal doesn’t fall for it at the end, not only by pointing out that she pushed Audrey into doing that while no one did to Hades, sure he was stuck in the underworld but he never tried to find a positive in it, and you know, people died during Hades’s titanomachy. By the end however, he is allowed to go back to the underworld rather than the Isle.

Part Six: any other characters that are primarily just minor fixes that don’t need their own section

Doug is fine. While he does have a crush on Evie, his primary goal in helping her is just that. There’s no ulterior motives. Also his season three hair is a yikes.

Chad is also fine. I like that he’s clearly got good self-preservation skills shown in movie three, and giving him claustrophobia helped me sympathize with him.

Jane is a top tier character, fight me. Major difference in movie one is that her following of Audrey in movie one is because she wants to be liked and thinks that’s the fastest way, but she doesn’t insult Mal, and actually asks to have her natural hair back after the whole dance thing.

Lonnie, proving mlm wlw solidarity is great. I like her friendship with Jay in movie two and her being a boss as bitch and also when she puts her foot on Chad’s back to make doing push ups harder because Chad still sucked in movie two.

The og parents are fine. Dizzy is great, wished we had more of her in D3.

Part Seven: should’ve been a show

And I don’t mean like Wicked World, which like the books is non-canon in this, but like an actual tv show. So much could’ve been done with the Isle that just wasn’t. Mal probably wouldn’t be such a contentious character if we didn’t have to cram the plot into a two hour movie. They wouldn’t even need to start the show with them meeting, since they could follow the format of Once Upon A Time and have each episode show things like how Mal, Evie, Jay, and Carlos became friends, or how the whole Shrimpy thing happened. Descendants, and Barbie Princess Charm School, would work better as a tv show over a movie. At least I think so.

There it’s done.

#symwinter’s trash writing #descendants #this is for you six people who wanted this

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justheretobreakthings · 5 years

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Remember Me - Chapter 21

(First Chapter) (Previous Chapter)

Word Count: 4,366 (Total Word Count: 84,026) Read on AO3

Story Summary:

It was strange enough for the paladins of Voltron to have found another human this far from home, locked in a Galra prison. But it was stranger still when this human insisted that he knew them, and even that he was the former red paladin of Voltron.

That couldn’t possibly be true, could it? After all, if this Keith was actually a part of the Voltron team, then why does nobody remember him?

It was difficult to get a proper read on Keith over the next couple of days. Not to say that it wasn’t always difficult to get a read on Keith - how many of their problems could be solved if the guy just came with goddamn operator’s manual, Lance couldn’t even fathom - but more specifically, it was hard to tell how Keith was feeling toward Lance.

He wasn’t openly glaring at Lance any more, the way he had been during their last coalition meeting, but he wasn’t really looking Lance’s way at all, either. Not greeting him when he entered the room, not speaking with him, not smiling when Lance cracked a joke during a meal. Nothing.

And for the life of him, Lance couldn’t remember if this was a change or was a return to the norm. Was Keith giving him the cold shoulder, or was he just being the same grumpy, closed-off person he always was, and Lance was just now feeling more aware of it?

Part of him wanted to broach the subject, to walk straight up to Keith while he was on the training deck or in his room and ask whether the whole deal had blown over, or whether Keith was still mad.

The other part of him was sure that Keith was still mad, and that bringing it up would only fan the flames.

Still, whether the tension between them was real or just in his imagination, it was still leaving Lance feeling awkward whenever he was around Keith, unsure of his own footing. Which was not a feeling he relished. Fortunately, even now Keith wasn’t much more social than he had been when they’d first brought him into the castle, so the awkwardness only really had to be endured during meals and training. So far, at least.

He let the subject stew for his mind for a while before finally bringing it up with anyone, and he chose to spring it on Pidge and Hunk. The three of them had been hanging out in Hunk’s room, chattering about nothing important with toolkits open as they worked on a project. That is, Pidge and Hunk were working. Lance was dangling off of Hunk’s bed, feet against the wall and head on the floor, watching the proceedings upside-down; a while back they had instituted a policy that Lance was only allowed to assist with engineering projects up until the point that he broke something, after which he was relegated to watching from a time-out spot for the rest of the project. Today, it had taken him only four minutes.

They were doing… something, with one of the cleaning bots. Pidge had told him when they’d first started what they were changing, but it had seemed very complex and had mostly gone over Lance’s head. In any case, judging by the fact that some of the ‘upgrade parts’ Pidge had brought along looked suspiciously similar to pieces of the Altean blaster rifles he’d once helped Coran clean, he was pretty certain that the cleaning bot was going to be much more dangerous once they were done with it than it was when they had started.

The conversation had drifted toward reminiscence about their Garrison days, and somehow landed on talking about past school projects, so Lance had quickly been growing bored of that topic - he had suffered enough while doing school projects; it was just cruel to make him talk about them so long after the fact. It was high time for a subject change.

“Have you guys noticed anything weird about Keith?” he asked as he sat back up onto Hunk’s bed. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as the blood rushed out of his head now that he was right-side-up again.

Pidge glanced at Hunk before shrugging. “Well, yes, Lance, but that’s kind of old news by now, isn’t it?

Lance shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean - I meant, like, just over the past couple of days. Like, since that dinner on Thotirn?”

“Uh, he was hungover the day after,” Hunk said. “Does that count as weird?”

“What? No,” Lance huffed. “What about, like, his behavior in training and meals and - and with the way he’s acting?”

“Here’s an idea,” Pidge said. “How about instead of being weird and cryptic, you just tell us what you think he’s doing that’s so weird, and we’ll agree or disagree.”

Lance huffed out a frustrated sigh. “I’m talking about – about how he’s, like, avoiding me and not talking to me and – and seeming like he’s, um, in sort of a rotten mood…”

“I’m pretty sure that’s just how Keith is all the time,” Hunk said. He picked up a screwdriver and turned his attention back to the cleaning bot.

“No, that’s not – ugh!” Lance flopped dramatically backward onto Hunk’s bed, his foot narrowly avoiding kicking Pidge’s head as it swung out. “I’m trying to figure out if Keith’s mad at me! Have either of you noticed anything different about him the past couple days? Has he said anything about me to you guys? Or, maybe one of you’s seen him glaring at me when I’m not looking? Something like that?”

There was a pause before Pidge sighed. “Lance, what did you do?”

“Nothing!” Lance insisted as he straightened up again.

“Why would Keith be mad at you for nothing?” Hunk asked.

“Well, I mean, not nothing nothing, just – see, back during that dinner party on Thotirn, Keith had nearly drunk his weight in alcohol, right? So I take him back to the castle and get him to bed so he doesn’t cause a scene or drown in his own puke or anything. And when we get back to his room, he starts having this, like, emotional breakdown. Just getting really riled up and crying, and I needed him to calm down, you know? To just settle down and go to sleep.”

“So you… knocked him out?” Hunk said as Lance paused for breath.

“What? No! I just told this little white lie to calm him down before he went to sleep. Thing is, by the time he’s sobered up next morning, he of course realizes that it’s a lie, and he’s real pissed about it. He chewed me out after training the other day and he hasn’t said a word to me since. So I’m just trying to figure out if this has all blown over, or if he’s still mad at me. Keith kinda seems like he’d be the grudge-holding type, you know?”

Pidge let out a thoughtful hum as she crossed her arms. “What lie did you tell?”

“I kind of, um - ” Lance scratched at the back of his head. “I kind of maybe sorta told him that when he woke up his team would be back?”

The other two stared at him for a long moment before Hunk softly said, “Dude.”

Lance held up his hands. “Okay, look, before you guys get all judgey - ”

“Too late,” said Pidge.

“ - I honestly didn’t think he would remember what I said. You two both saw how hungover he was yesterday morning; that should give you a bit of an idea of how wasted he was the night before. It’s a fucking miracle he remembered. And also, you know what, it was very obviously done to calm him down and make him feel better, right? Like, once he sobered up and all, he should’ve realized that.”

“Maybe,” Hunk said. “But that’s still, like, a really sore point for Keith. Not really the sort of thing you should be poking at.”

“Yeah, fine, in retrospect, yeah, I probably should have come up with something else, but it was a high-pressure situation and late at night and I don’t think we can dismiss the fact that I’d had a couple of drinks too and - and it’s way easier to sit here and figure out other options after the fact. Hindsight is twenty-four/seven, and all that.”

Pidge raised a brow. “It’s ‘hindsight is twenty-twenty’.”

“There aren’t twenty days in a week, Pidge, that makes no sense.”

“... Remind me how you passed the Garrison entrance exams, again?”

“Not important, Pidge,” Lance said with a scowl. “Look, I made a mistake, all right? I know it. And I apologized! I told him I was sorry, but he was being a stubborn ass as usual and decided that him feeling disappointed for a few minutes in the morning was the worst tragedy in the world, and of course he shouldn’t have been drinking that much in the first place – ”

“Is this how you worded your apology when you gave it to him?” Pidge asked. “Because if so, I have a theory about why he might be mad at you.”

“No, no, I’m just – ” He sighed again. “I’m just frustrated. Everything’s all tense now – as if things weren’t stressful enough already – and I just wanna, like, put the whole stupid incident behind us, you know? I’m making an effort here.”

“Have you tried talking to Shiro about it?” Hunk asked.

Lance turned to him, head tilted in question. “Hm? What’s Shiro got to do with this?”

“Nothing directly,” Hunk answered. “But he’s the leader of Voltron, right? If there’s a problem between team members, he can mediate. He’s done it plenty of times before.”

“I guess…” Lance said slowly.

Pidge nodded. “Right, ask Shiro. Seems kinda the obvious solution now I think about it.” She furrowed her brow as Lance said nothing in reply. “Lance? Don’t tell me there’s something up between you and Shiro too.”

Lance shook his head. “It’s not that. It’s… if Shiro’s gonna be doing conflict resolution or whatever, shouldn’t he be, like, unbiased? As a rule?”

“What about it?” Hunk asked.

Lance folded his arms. “What, you don’t think Shiro’s just gonna agree with whatever Keith says?”

There was a beat of silence as Pidge and Hunk cast confused glances at each other. “Since when does Shiro do that?” Pidge asked.

“Pretty much since Keith showed up, right?” Lance said with a shrug. “He was siding with Keith against Allura from day one, he’s been letting Keith get away with stunts in our battles that he would never let the rest of us do without getting a ten-hour lecture afterward, he basically believes anything Keith says and lets him do whatever he wants – ”

“Lance, that’s not true,” Hunk said. “Keith follows the same rules the rest of us do.”

“All right, yeah, maybe so, but he’s the only one with Shiro’s arm around his shoulder the whole time he does it. Come on, I can’t be the only person here who’s noticed it, can I? Go ahead, have either of you spent half as much time training with Shiro as Keith has? Or has Shiro talked to you nearly as much as he talks to Keith? You can’t honestly tell me you don’t see it!”

“Well, it’s – that’s not – ” Hunk started, but to Lance’s satisfaction, he was clearly wavering.

“You see it, right? It’s blatant – ”

“Lance,” Pidge said.

Lance ignored her. “Blatant favoritism, is what it is. It’s like he’s – like he’s more concerned about Keith. Like he needs Keith more.” His arms tightened over his chest. “What’s he need Keith for so badly, huh? He’s already got his team. He’s got me.”

A longer beat of silence rang in the room this time before anyone moved or made a sound, and it was only broken when Pidge unfolded her legs and stood, joining Lance on the bed. The mattress sank slightly as she took a seat, bringing her sock feet and letting out a long breath. “Back when the Kerberos mission crew was first selected,” she said, “Back when Matt and Dad first started training for it, I was kinda pissed.”

Lance blinked at her. He turned to Hunk, looking for an explanation, but Hunk appeared just as bemused as him. “Um… okay?” he said, turning back to Pidge.

“I guess there had been sort of a closeness there between Matt and Dad for a while already, on account of Dad working at the Garrison and Matt being a cadet there, then a junior officer right under Dad’s command. But once they were selected for Kerberos, they started having more and more time together. They were training and studying and running mission simulations and going to meetings. We could barely find the chance to do so much as have a meal together as a whole family. It was kinda like the family had been split in half, you know? The half that was going to Kerberos, and the half that was staying behind. And it kinda sucked. Matt was there at Dad’s side all the time, and I was starting to feel like an afterthought.”

She sighed and brought her knees up to rest her chin on them. “Came to a head this one night. See, back at home, first Saturday of the month was always Family Game Night. We’d set aside the whole evening for whatever game we could all play together for hours on end, and we’d been doing this since I was too young to even understand how board games worked. So this one night, Dad calls us up at like four o’clock to tell us that some important presentation got moved up at the very last minute and he and Matt wouldn’t be able to make it to game night, and I sorta lost it. Yelled at him over phone for a couple minutes straight, didn’t answer it when Matt tried to call me after.

“So, naturally, when they get home from their big important presentation thing, Dad sits us all down to have a ‘family discussion’.” She made air quotes around the words with her fingers. “And basically we just… talked it out, I guess. Like, got it all into the open. And on some level, you know, I’m feeling like a bratty little kid because, yeah, I know that he needs to be doing all this stuff for Kerberos, and I know that he’s not intentionally prioritizing Matt over me, it was – it was the circumstances. Still didn’t mean I felt good about it, though.

“So I tell him that, and in the end, I guess it did sort of need to be said. I don’t think Dad was really realizing how much the Kerberos prep was taking over his schedule and his life, and I mean, it was going to be a long mission away from us, Mom and I needed some time with him and Matt while we still could. I suppose in all that goes into working toward a space mission, some stuff winds up pushed aside even if it shouldn’t be. Not his fault. He’s only human, you know? And he was focusing on things he needed to focus on. Sometimes people need a reminder that there’s other stuff going on around them. Once he had that, we worked things out. Got actual bonding time scheduled with me, finally, so it did the trick.”

She lifted her chin and stretched out her legs. “We all know how badly what happened with Shiro affected him. I mean, we’ve all been around for flashbacks and stuff, right? So getting someone on the ship who’s apparently been dealing with something so similar, and getting to talk about the stuff and help someone out with all that shit is probably good for him. Shiro needs that. And Keith? Well, we’ve all seen that he’s all kinds of fucked up, so having someone like Shiro around to try and help sort out the fucked-up-ness? Yeah, I’m betting he needs that.

“That’s all it is, I think. They’re just focused on what they need right now, and other things are gonna end up falling by the wayside. That’s just what happens, you know? There’s only so much a person can focus on at once. And if it gets to be a problem, that’s when you sit down, have a family discussion, and get that shit out into the open. Tell me, Lance: have you mentioned this to Shiro?”

“I - ” Lance gritted his teeth as he hesitated.

“Well, there you go,” said Pidge. “If there’s a problem between you and Shiro, you’re not gonna get anything solved by complaining to us about it. Go to Shiro. Use your words.”

“I shouldn’t have to talk to Shiro about it, you know?” Lance said. “He’s the team leader, the Black Paladin. He’s – he’s supposed to know what’s going on, and know what to do, and – ”

“And walk on water and cure the blind and ride his magical unicorn over a rainbow and into the sunset?” Pidge finished, a smirk hovering at the edge of her mouth.

Lance grimaced. “I didn’t say all that.”

“Lance, I’ll have you know that this is the same Shiro who once narrowly avoided getting expelled as a cadet because Matt dared him to go streaking on a campus tour day. He’s a great guy, and a great leader, but it’s always dangerous to put someone on a pedestal. Talk to Shiro.”

“…Okay,” Lance sighed. “Okay, I’ll have a talk with Shiro. But I’m still not thrilled about the idea of having a big conflict mediation with Keith.”

“If you don’t wanna have a counseling session, maybe some sort of grand gesture would do the trick for Keith,” Hunk suggested as Pidge slid back onto the floor. “I’ve had success in the past with baking apology cakes, writing ‘I’m sorry’ in icing on the top. It’s hard to be mad at someone who gives you cake.”

“Hey, there’s an idea,” Lance said, face brightening. “Could you make a cake for me to give to Keith?”

“It’s your apology, man. You’ve gotta bake the cake.”

“Mmm, I dunno if I wanna bake…”

“Then maybe get him a greeting card,” Pidge said. “Hallmark sells ‘I’m Sorry I Messed With Your Sense Of Reality’ cards, right?”

“Very funny,” Lance grunted.

“A balloon bouquet?” Hunk said. “Flowers? What flowers are good for apologies?”

“This isn’t helping at all,” Lance groaned. “What the hell would Keith even want with flowers or balloons?”

“Well, what does Keith want?” Hunk asked.

Lance furrowed his brow as he thought it over, and the right answer came to him soon after. He let out another long groan and dropped his face into his hands.

Keith had better fucking forgive him after this.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lance left Hunk’s room once Pidge had declared their project finished, and before she and Hunk had a chance to test out the cleaning bot’s new upgrades. He still wasn’t entirely sure what those upgrades were or how they were going to test them, but if by tomorrow the Castle was still in one piece, that would likely be the sign that the project was a success.

He went to the living quarters, coming first to Keith’s door and knocking. He didn’t identify himself – Keith was less likely to ignore the knocking if he didn’t know who was on the other side of the door – but he still got no response from inside. He pressed his ear to the door just to be certain, and when he heard nothing, decided to move on to Shiro’s room instead.

His fist was raised and poised to knock when a voice sounded from behind him. “Oughtn’t disturb him right now, Lance.”

He jumped an inch in the air and whipped around to see Allura strolling around the corner, an amused smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “My apologies,” she said. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t,” Lance said.

“Oh?” Allura quirked her brow. “You jumped.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I was startled. I’m just… battle-ready.” He stretched his arms and leaned languidly up against the doorframe. “Sharpshooter reflexes, you know? Gotta always be on my toes.”

“Ah. I should have guessed. In any case, if you plan on visiting with Shiro, you ought to save it for later. He only just went down for a nap a few vargas ago. I believe he had one of his restless sleep cycles this past night, needs to catch up a bit.”

“Oh. He was with you?”

Allura nodded. “And Coran. We’ve been sorting and studying coalition reports and correspondence for the better part of today. I certainly don’t blame him for being tired, it can be frighteningly dull work.”

“I see.” He knew what she meant. Coran had roped Lance into helping out with coalition correspondence before, and even without the additional tediousness of him having to run every line through translator programs, the supply and logistics reports were so boring to take notes on that it made even his dullest math classes back at the Garrison feel like a non-stop party in comparison.

“Did you need him for anything urgent?” Allura asked.

“Nah,” Lance said, shaking his head. “Mostly just looking to chat. I’ll save it for tomorrow.”

“If you have time to,” Allura said. “I’ll let the rest of the team know at dinner and we’ll brief you all this evening, but tomorrow we’ll be assisting the Blade a bit. There’s a supply depot on one of Mapukil’s satellites that they believe may be involved in one of the transfer routes they’ve been trying to track for that odd strain of quintessence the Blade’s had its eye on, but they’re having difficulty travelling into that sector undetected. We’re going to try to wormhole through and investigate the depot on their behalf.”

“Sounds like fun,” Lance said. “We planning on attacking or – ?”

“Not if we can avoid it.”

“Less fun. Don’t worry, though, I’ll be good. We’ll be in and out in no time. By the by, you seen Keith anywhere? Wanted to chat with him too.”

“I passed him returning to his room from the training deck a little while ago.”

“Already checked, he’s not there.”

“Most likely in the kitchen, then. You paladins do tend to get peckish after exercising, don’t you?”

“True,” said Lance. “I’ll check there. See you ‘round.”

Allura waved him off as he turned and set off toward the kitchen. Sure enough, he walked through the entrance to find Keith sitting on the counter, feet dangling, a bowl in his hands filled with some berry-like fruit that only Coran could pronounce and popping them into his mouth.

Keith looked up as Lance entered, then immediately dropped his gaze back to his fruit, and Lance wasn’t sure if he was imagining the scowl that had just appeared on his face, or if it was just due to the angle. He sighed internally. Well, best get this over with. “Hey, Keith,” he said.

Keith’s only reply was a wordless grunt, and Lance tried his best not to be offended by that. Instead, he strolled across the kitchen and hoisted himself up onto the counter as well. Not right next to him – Lance was pretty sure anyone besides Shiro trying to sit that close to him uninvited would wind up with a black eye – but on the opposite side of the sink. Keith seemed to stiffen, but he didn’t make to leave or tell Lance to go away. He counted that as a win.

“So, uh…” Lance began cautiously. “Whatcha eating?”

Keith tilted the bowl toward Lance so he could see the fruits better, then popped another into his mouth, chewing audibly.

“Cool, cool. Do you, uh, do you mind if I have one? Haven’t eaten anything since – ”

“What do you want, Lance?” Keith asked, his tone flat and eyes still on the bowl.

Lance quickly turned a frustrated huff into a little cough. He was here to make nice with Keith, not get into another spat with him. “Well, I actually, uh, needed to talk to you about – about something.” He paused, and when Keith didn’t ask him to elaborate, he went ahead. “See, I guess some of the Lions have been feeling a little, um, lonesome as of late, on account of us all being busy with our missions and training and meetings and all that. And I’ve been doing better about that with Red lately, trying to visit her more often, but I think she’s kinda bored, you know? Like, needs a bit of variety?”

“Okay…” Keith said slowly. “So what’s that got to do with me?”

“I was thinking about, like, how you had asked about, um, visiting with Red sometime? And I know I had been kind of, uh, not sure about whether Red would be cool with that, but, um… I dunno. I think, you know, long as I stick around and oversee the visits, she might be okay with having someone else pop in a few times and chat with her. She’s more of an extrovert than she pretends to be, I think. So, there you go, if you wanna visit Red…”

Finally Keith had lifted his gaze to Lance’s face, and Lance couldn’t read his expression. Keith blinked at him for a moment before saying, “Are you serious?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m serious. Why wouldn’t I be?” Lance started swinging, bumping his heels against the counter, keeping his posture as casual as possible. “So, you wanna do that or not? We could hang out in the hangar after dinner or tomorrow morning or something, your pick. I mean, if you want to.”

“…Yeah,” Keith said. “Yeah, I’d, uh – I’d like that.”

“Okay. Okay, cool. So, um.” He cleared his throat and slid off of the counter. “So, whenever you’re up for it, just find me and we’ll head down. Whenever.”

“Yeah,” Keith said again with a nod. “Um… thanks.”

Lance nodded back. “Right, no pr– uh, you’re welcome.”

He rocked uncertainly on his heels for another few seconds before the awkward silence got to be just too much, and he made his hasty goodbyes and headed out of the kitchen, leaving Keith to his fruit. He let out a relieved breath once he was back in the hall. He did it. Apology made, apology accepted.

Perhaps things were looking up.

#vldgen #lance #keith #pidge #shiro #my writing #fic: remember me

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lovelylogans · 4 years

Note

,,,,can I get some opinions on lorelai, specifically Lorelai's Love Interests?

*cracks knuckles*

i just answered an ask about rory’s main love interests but now i’m gonna go into lorelai’s

quick disclaimer: i have seen s1-s5, read scripts of key episodes of s6/s7. so. let’s get into it.

jason:

jason is literally trash lmao and i Dislike Him. least favorite of lorelai’s love interests. garbage man. if men have one thing it’s the Audacity.

okay first of all his whole introduction to canon was that he wanted to leave the business his dad groomed him for..... to piss off his dad. like. that’s his reasoning. that’s why he wants to go into business with richard. literally just to piss off his dad. Sir You Are Nearly Forty.

and then. and THEN. like his FIRST scene!!!! with lorelai!!!!! is when lorelai is like “hey you shouldn’t have gone behind my mom’s back and planned this business trip when she was planning a party! that’s kinda shitty of you!” and his response was to REMINISCE about their time at summer camp and he’s like “you still hold a grudge” because. BE. CAUSE. he stood up and tipped over the canoe when lorelai was fully clothed, and when lorelai pointed this out, this man. has the AUDACITY. to say. “i remember. green t-shirt, no bra. trust me, i was the hero of cabin five for the rest of the summer.”

GROSS. GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS. FUCK MEN. as if THAT isn’t gross enough he came up with the nickname “umlauts” because her nipples were showing through her shirt!!! diSGUSTIN!! men! are! nasty! and literally less than TEN one-sentence lines later he ASKS HER OUT.

and then literally the rest of his character is basically just “business.” like. that’s it. when he takes the day off to come to stars hollow literally almost the Entire Time he’s focused on business calls and not on lorelai, his girlfriend who he came to spend time with. and then when richard, being a Shady Bitch, double-crossed him and went back into business with his dad, jason wanted to SUE HIM??? BRO???????? YOU STILL EXPECTED LORELAI TO STICK WITH YOU WHEN YOU ARE SUING HER FATHER?????????

this doesn’t even go INTO all the other stuff about hidden relationship and they’re literally dating just bc it pisses off their parents, it’s just. jason sucks. dude sucks. don’t like him. not one bit.

christopher:

i have..... complicated feelings toward christopher. to steal a quote i saw from twitter when someone was like “he knows lorelai so deeply!” they said “he knows her past, it doesn’t mean he knows her.”

so, like, on one level. i think that christopher was a bad dad to rory. right. like, he isn’t a good dad. i come from a home with split up parents, so, like, i understand the complexities there, but. he wasn’t a good dad. he just wasn’t.

that episode in season one? it’s the first time he comes to stars hollow. the. first. time. in sixteen years he has never gone to see where his daughter (and friend/romantic interest) lived, which follows: he hasn’t been to any of her parent/teacher nights, he’s never gone to any of the performances she was in as a child, he’s never participated with her when it comes to town events that she’s so passionate about (being a pilgrim, all the things taylor lists when she turns down being ice cream queen, etc) he wasn’t there. he wasn’t there for all the small moments that make up being a dad. no helping with homework, no sitting with her and listening after a long day, no actual parenting—no being there when she’s sick, no disciplining her if she does something wrong, no being there to celebrate her victories. he isn’t a good dad to rory. he has his occasional moments (he starts calling her more often post that visit, but it drops off again post-sherry) but all in all? not a good dad. i would go far as to say “deadbeat dad” as the first significant financial help he offers, that we see in canon, is him paying for yale. not helping with chilton, or any other childcare costs.

that’s an important factor when it comes to evaluating him and lorelai. because, quite honestly? i think that if rory didn’t exist, christopher and lorelai would have been firmly in the realm of “we dated in high school.” maybe a former flame that gets a fling when there’s a high school reunion. but since rory exists, they’re tied together forever, and therefore those feelings keep cropping up and flourishing (esp in situations when they shouldn’t) and they’re so stuck in the past.

i think that teenage christopher and teenage lorelai are well suited. i don’t think adult christopher and adult lorelai are well suited. lorelai had to grow up very quickly when she had rory, so she got a job, settled down in stars hollow, and put in the work of being a responsible parent who provides for her child. christopher doesn’t start keeping a job until s2/s3, he’s still very much stuck in the past. his pursuit of her is almost entirely rooted in nostalgia, as is her returning interest. they keep coming back to each other because it’s comfortable, it’s what they know. but once they look past that lens of nostalgia, their compatibility kind of falls apart. christopher is still immature in general (getting angry over the character reference she writes for luke, getting drunk at emily and richard’s vow renewal and basically shoving himself in the middle of their relationship like “but THE OOOOOLD DAAAAYYYS” and that WHOLE storyline of where he turned off his phone and ignored lorelai’s calls when richard had a heart attack, do NOT get me started) and lorelai is very independent and she likes her life where it is and how it is.

so to sum up: christopher and lorelai’s relationship is almost entirely doomed to fail because they can’t remove their rose-colored glasses when it comes to their (mutually romanticized) past together, and when the glasses are knocked off, they aren’t compatible. they just aren’t. what ties them together is that nostalgia, where they’re most natural is when they’re joking and being friendly (like the old times!) and when it turns into a romantic relationship, reality is too much for that tenuous connection to handle.

luke:

OBVIOUSLY i am team luke. this is the ship i’m most dedicated to within the gilmore girls fandom. he’s there for her, they push each other to become better (lorelai keeping his father’s boat, for example, and him encouraging her throughout the opening of the dragonfly) they have that Longing and Yearning. they have amazing chemistry, they’ve been crushing on each other since SEASON! ONE! and honestly they are fantastic when they work together.

i will say that they have their issues, and it almost entirely boils down to lack of communication.

if lorelai had communicated the occasions in which she had seen chris, luke wouldn’t have been so caught off-guard at the vow renewal and cut off their relationship. if luke had communicated about april’s existence with the full honesty that he didn’t know about her existence, lorelai, as a mother, as someone whose child’s default father figure is luke, would probably take some time but ultimately understand the importance of a child. they should have communicated about the wedding being too soon, and all their other issues. that bickering that makes their flirting and crushing so great also gets in their way sometimes; it’s hard for them to have a serious conversation without lorelai deflecting or luke shutting down. honestly i think it would have been great if they’d gone to couples therapy (okay, look, almost everyone in gilmore girls needs therapy, including emily and lorelai, so i’m glad that at least that one got tackled somewhere in canon) and it would have really helped fix that main problem.

frankly, i think a lot of their problems are bc ASP and the other writers wanted “drama.” which fair, it’s a tv show, but frankly leave the drama to rory and there are other ways to manufacture drama other than breaking up your main couple: dragonfly drama, for instance, or liz and tj and jess, or dealing with rory’s dramas, or something like the emily and richard and luke drama but sustained to a point where it causes a similar family fight that might have even paralleled lorelai leaving the gilmore household for someone she loves, and seeing that relationship knit up. like i get this show was in the 2000s but honestly let the couples actually Be Together!!! let them explore those dynamics!!! the whole “break them up, put them back together, break them up, put them back together” thing is tired and it seems unrealistic. like!!!! luke says “i’m all in” to lorelai and less than like TEN episodes later he’s like “it’s too much. this relationship is too much.” LET THEM WORK THROUGH THEIR STRUGGLES AS A COUPLE AND LET THEM C O M M U N I C A T E. LET THEM!!!!!

otherwise? iconique. the Flavor. the taste. the vibes are immaculate. chef’s kiss. luke/lorelai is So Good. their chemistry is unparalleled. their support of each other unmatched.

i can’t really remember any other love interests lmao OH SHOOT

max medina:

lol forgettable uh, i think that he and lorelai had an interesting partnership, but it clearly wouldn’t have worked out to the point of a wedding, which i feel like lorelai knew because she kept holding back on actually answering him for the proposal after the s1 finale. i think that his dynamic could have also really been utilized to play with the dynamic of lorelai re-entering her parents’ world and the different expectations that that maintains; i don’t think it should have gone so far to, like, proposal, i think it could have been maintained then max wanted to get serious and lorelai hesitates and pulls something similar to the show. anyway, interesting first love interest for lorelai, also helps ground the world of chilton, so nice little twofold purpose for max there

i will say his proposal was super cute tho the thousand yellow daisies thing was Excellent

#i LITERALLY didn't remember max until i was about to hit post lol #that's why he's down at the bottom #annalise talks gilmore girls #Anonymous #ask

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ddaengyoonmin · 5 years

Text

Chapter 9

Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Taehyung x reader, Jimin x reader, Namjoon x Reader, Jin x Reader eventual Ot7 x reader in later chapters

Genre: fluff, angst, smut in previous and later chapters

Theme: Based kinda on sword art online a lot of similar ideas and themes kinda combining the idea of them trapped in the game, but the world is closer to ALFheim online

Warnings: Sad Jungkook and Jimin (Thats a warning because no one wants to ever see these bbys hurting and the author is v sorry.) , A small brawl between members

Word Count: 2.4k

Jungkook stood in the doorway of the small cave room. “Found you…” He muttered.

-----------------

You felt like you wanted to throw up. How did he even find you here? Not that it was your biggest concern at the moment…

Jimin had a terrified expression on his face as he stood up to try and explain, “Jungkook I-” he started but stopped when Taehyung also entered the room. Even though Jungkook was in most every way the victim of this situation, Taehyung had always scared Jimin more, and for good reason.

Jungkook just shook his head, a heartbreakingly hurt expression on his face, and stumbled out of the cave room slowly.

Taehyung took a moment to scan the room, inspecting the situation in front of him. You were scurrying to re-dress yourself when it clicked in his mind what was happening here. Taehyung was filled with rage. In a flash he ran over to the cat hybrid and had him pinned against the wall. “What the fuck did you do?” he growled.

“Nothing she didn’t want me to” Jimin said with a confident smirk, trying to hide his fear and at the same time assure Taehyung that it was all with permission.

Taehyung still wasn’t pleased with this answer. He cocked an arm back and punched Jimin in the face.

Jimin’s health bar took a small hit at this action.

“Tae don’t” you shouted at him.

Taehyung simply scoffed and shot a glare your way before storming out of the room.

Jimin tried to go over to you for some comfort after being hurt, but you stood and took a few steps back from him.

“I really fucked up Jimin.” you started to sob and shake your head, putting your hands out to tell him not to come any closer to you.

He hung his head and remained silent.

“I have to go” you spoke quickly and rushed out of the room to go find Jungkook.

When you left the small room to enter the bigger room in the cave, you saw that Jungkook and Taehyung were face to face with Namjoon and Jin by the fire. Aggressive stances and looks being exchanged by each duo.

“You’re not taking her back!” Jin shouted putting up his fists

“That's debatable” Taehyung hissed out, now mirroring Jin’s actions.

“Wait” Namjoon spoke with his face full of confusion. “Holy shit! Jungkook!” he exclaimed

“Oh my god... Namjoon is that you?” Jungkook gasped now looking the fire fairy over “Dude, what the hell” he yelled.

At that moment you had gotten close enough for your presence to be noticed

“Do you guys know each other?” You asked, though it seemed to have an obvious answer as they had used each other's real names.

Jungkook didn’t look at you or acknowledge that you’d spoke. But Namjoon returned your gaze at them and answered.

“Yeah, we work together actually”

What an odd coincidence you thought. They probably felt the same. The tension in the room toward each other had gone down significantly at their revelations.

“So do we still have a problem here?” Taehyung questioned. “You guys know each other so we are good here right? Y/N comes with us” he moved towards you grabbing your arm and pulling you close to him.

Namjoon hesitated. “I-I’m not sure…” he mumbled. He smacked a hand to his head “I should’ve realized that it was someone I’d know...dammit. Your game strategies so far have been so skilled, only another game maker would’ve been smart enough to know to snatch up a water fairy at the beginning like that knowing what kind of stats and abilities she had.”

Wait...what? You stared at Jungkook in shock, he still avoided your gaze. “Game...maker?”

Taehyung nodded since Jungkook obviously wasn’t about to acknowledge your existence any time soon. “Jungkookie here is a game designer, he played a big part in the creation of this very game we all stand in now” he extended his arm waving it across the room, “And apparently you too... Namjoon was it?” he turned his face to the fire fairy.

Namjoon nodded “Yeah we were in charge of creating the types of spells, skill points and at times the types of quests and rewards for the mission that would be put into the menu screen. We also got to beta test the game about 2 months ago, so we’ve had a lot of experience already. There were about 20 of us that got to do that. They are all probably here too. But, Jungkook and I are the ones that got furthest in the game” He laughed “Most were better at creating rather than playing”

Jungkook stared down to the ground. This wasn’t exactly how he’d wanted you to find this out. He hadn’t wanted to tell you at all, thinking you might blame him for helping create this horror. He felt guilty about it every day since you’d all been trapped here. Yet, at the same time, what did it matter now anyways.

He had traveled at top speed going off tips from other players who had overheard a party talk about needing a water fairy so they could try and raid the dragon cave in Niflheim. When he saw the cave with light from a fire shining from its mouth, he’d hoped he’d find you there.

When he arrived he’d snuck in using his skills in illusion and sneaking to remain undetected. He expected to find you tied up, or worse. Now out of anger part of him felt the worse he expected may have been better than the worse he’d found. He walked in just in time to see you cumming on Jimin’s fingers. The man that this whole time Jungkook had thought was torturing you, holding you captive. He had expected to see you cry out in relief at seeing him when he arrived to rescue you. But you didn’t need rescuing, you were having a great time.

He was so hurt, and embarrassed that he had assumed he meant anything to you. He obviously didn’t, if he did you wouldn’t have been in such an erotic position with another man. A position that he had pictured himself in with you many times. He was angry at you, and angry at himself for being so fooled. When you had kissed him at the inn, he felt like it meant something, and that you felt the same.

His feelings for you weren’t gone even now, but he didn’t know how he’d ever be able to face you again without seeing that scene play in his head that he’d just walked in on. The pain in his stomach was unbearable. And on top of all that now you were probably going to hate him for being one of the game makers. Not that he wasn’t assuming you might already hate him, because how could anyone who cares about someone do something as cold as what you’d just done.

“Jungkook did you hear Namjoon?” Taehyung was staring right at him.

Jungkook had been so lost in thought he’d zoned out from the conversation that was still going on between the other three men around the fire.

“Uh...no actually I’m sorry” he shook his head.

“I said we were such good teammates in the beta version of the game, so it seems like the best solution here is to just join our parties right? Then we both get the water fairy and two great minds” He grinned as he repeated suggested a second time.

“I don’t excuse you for stealing her in the first place, we weren’t just using her like you guys were. Her name isn’t water fairy, its y/n and she’s our friend” Taehyung said narrowing his eyes at the two men “but this does sound like a smart plan don’t you think Jungkook?” he turned to him.

Jungkook simply nodded. They were right, it wasn’t a bad idea, Namjoon and him had dominated in the beta test of the game, making it many floors higher than anyone else had with just the two of them. Yet still he was not too pleased with the idea of having to stay in the same party as Jimin. He was hoping that if he took you back, if he was able to force you away from Jimin that maybe you’d find yourself having regrets and if you ever did in the first place maybe you’d develop some feelings for him again, maybe he could win you back.

Little did he know you were already filled with regrets, you had been instantly even before seeing Jungkook standing there in witness to your crimes against him. You felt like the world's biggest idiot. How could you do something this horrible to the man you loved. Loved?

Jimin had said that he knew you loved Jungkook, and when he said that you hadn’t thought of it as love. But back in that small room when you had snapped out of the haze of your lustful mess you had created you had realized that yes, it was love, you loved Jungkook and you had just made a horrible mistake. From here out you were going to do everything you could to make it up to him. If he’d ever even want to talk to you again.

“The water fairy agrees I suppose, if I’m allowed a say” you joked hoping to break some of the remaining tension that still was lingering in the room.

Jungkook nodded again and sent a request to Namjoon to merge the parties.

As he did Jimin had wandered out into the room to stand near his brothers.

“That one needs to watch himself” Taehyung growled pointing at Jimin. “If you still want him alive he’s really gotta learn to keep his hands to himself”

You gasped softly at how aggressive that comment was. Jimin shyly went and cowered behind Jin.

Namjoon looked shocked as well “Let’s keep the talk of friendly fire out of this party for everyone's sake huh? We’re all on the same side now, so I’m going to suggest we put whatever grudges we are holding in the past” He said sternly “But, yeah he’ll be good” He added and turned to Jimin with an authoritative look. Jimin nodded quickly.

Things seemed to calm down and everyone sat down around the fire. Taehyung and Jin actually seemed to be hitting it off, sitting down together, each staring at the other’s screen as they compared stats and items that they had found. They even traded a couple items they had seen that they admired. Namjoon and Jungkook discussed strategy and things related to what they had done in the beta version of the game.

“Did you notice how much they hiked up the price on the Inn? That was bullshit” Namjoon scoffed.

Jimin sat silently as far away from you as he could. Occasionally he would try and meet your gaze trying to flash an apologetic look your way. You would only glare and quickly turn your attention away, looking at Jungkook and trying to listen in to him and Namjoon, as if to show Jimin who you really had your heart leaning towards. It wasn’t completely Jimin’s fault in the moment you had wanted it just as much. You couldn’t help but be reminded of your weakness and failure to control yourself every time you looked at him.

He was hurt as well. He didn’t mean to make you betray the one you loved. He just couldn’t help himself, he was so infatuated with you, and you were there, so close and comforting him. When he’d first joined your party back in the woods that second day, he’d started out just flirting with you for fun and for the sake of trying to charm you into leaving your party. It didn’t take long for him to realize Jungkook was who you had your eyes on.

You always looked at Jungkook with such a sweet expression that he could only have dreamed would be turned toward him one day. He wasn’t exactly sure when his fake feelings for you had turned real, but when they did it was more than he’d ever felt for anyone before in his life. He loved you so much, and he’d had you, underneath him, moaning his name so gracefully and beautifully, it was pure bliss. But, now he feared you’d never speak to him again, he was only the man that had caused you to be disloyal to Jungkook.

Once the conversations had started to die down and everyone was falling into their sleep, you decided to approach Jungkook. He was still awake sitting with his knees pulled into his chest poking the fire with a stick. A frown planted on his face as he was lost in a deep thought.

You moved to sit close to him, hoping he wouldn’t get up and move away. To your relief he didn’t.

“Hey” you breathed out softly.

He didn’t respond, still staring into the fire.

“Jungkook I’m sorry…” You started. “I promise that meant nothing to me. We had just gone through something terrifying and I was weak and...I’m sorry I shouldn’t be trying to make excuses. I fucked up. I really fucked up and I know it. I knew it instantly before I even saw you there” you started to feel your eyes fill with tears.

“Okay.” He said without emotion.

“Jungkook…” you were saddened by his lack of words. You wanted him to scream at you, to tell you how stupid you were. You’d even be okay with him saying how much he hated you. Anything but this quietness. He was hurt, he was more hurt than he was angry and it was killing you inside to know that you were the one who had made him feel this way.

“I wish I could take it back” you whispered.

“Yeah, me too” he softly replied, you could see him start to tear up himself. He covered his face with an arm. “Please just let me be y/n. I can’t right now okay. We’ll talk more tomorrow”

You hoped he was telling the truth. Because tomorrow you were going to tell him you loved him. You’d tell him tomorrow and the next day, and every day until he finally was able to forgive you, if that was possible. You had to try.

#bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts smut #bts angst #bts x you #jin x reader #bts imagines #namjoon x reader #jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader #jimin x reader #bts reactions #bts au #ot7 x reader #ot7 x you #ot7 au

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the-strawzish-clownfish · 4 years

Note

Oh, you wanted me to hit you with some? Bet. Do all of them Strawberry

YOBI I LEGIT JUST ASKED SOMEONE THE SAME THING

YOU’RE OMNISCIENT I SWEAR

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I have never considered that before now but thanks for that

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

3 probably, I’m not really scared of the dark most of the time (unless it’s literally pitch black), but every once in a while i get really unnerved bc i get rlly paranoid

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Satan

4. What is your favorite word?

“faith” bc my faith and bc synesthesia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

uhhh flowering cherry bc at my old house my brothers and I each had a tree that my dad planted for us when we were each born and mine was a flowering cherry

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

I looked in the mirror this morning?

7. What shirt are you wearing?

coral pink bubba gump shrimp co. t shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

child of God, daughter of Sappho

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright if we’re talking natural light being let in through my windows, dark if we’re talking just normally bc rlly bright lights mess w my sensory issues

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

talking to you yobi

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this age, I’m a firm believer in that things will always get better, even if only one small thing does improve, when i think back on past years i get anxious and nostalgia isn’t good for me

12. Who told you they loved you last?

@toomanyfanfics that one

13. Your worst enemy?

my mental health tbh

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

never experienced romantic attraction, i used to have a plush (qp crush) on one of my best irl friends tho (@ blob have fun with this fact)

16. The last song you listened to?

I am listening to Echosmith’s Cool Kids as I am writing this, before that I was listening to Girls by Marina and the Diamonds, which is a hilarious song i 11/10 recommend

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

myself, I’m not s*icidal but I’m not killing someone else

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

whoever the person who decided Teen Vogue should endorse child pornography was

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

me, I would make myself do actual work for once

20. What is your best physical attribute?

my eyes, i just like them. fun fact this one kid i used to be kinda good friends with was talking with me on snapchat once (bc we did that a lot, back when i had snapchat) and i don’t remember how we got into this but he ended up describing my eyes really weirdly? it was really deep and got kinda strange? it was like a movie scene but via text message and then in the middle of it he was like “wtf am i doing” and i will always remember that (dude if you are for some reason reading this then idek what to say man. sorry). anyone who knows me irl (@ you blob) can take a guess as to who this is

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

idk the answer to either of those questions tbh

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

idek man sorry

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

weed, like i’m genuinely terrified of being in its presence (never been in its presence before), i’ve had nightmares about it

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

EVERY TIME I GO TO SUBWAY I GET THE SAME THING. BUFFALO CHICKEN, RANCH, AND CHEESE ON ITALIAN HERBS AND CHEESE TOASTED. I WOULD REPLICATE THAT

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

go to Atlanta and find a homeless person and buy them some clothes and food and some blankets

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

CANADA

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

first of all why is an angel giving me unlimited alcohol that’s just kinda strange second of all i am a MINOR i am not legally ALLOWED however i will probably just take whatever and give it to some people, someone will like it

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

be kind and do good where you can and if someone wrongs you forgive them

29. What is your favorite expletive?

as;ldkfjasdkgaj;lsdf

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my cactus!! she is v important to me

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

the first thing that comes to mind was really traumatic for me, but it’s what brought me as close as i am to God now so idk that i would get rid of it. idrk man, it really sucked but i’m glad that I’m so much closer to God now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a [redacted bc even though this is a hypothetical i absolutely would never do this and refuse to acknowledge it even in a hypothetical situation]. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

….Canada?

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

idk, peeps are in heaven now and i don’t really wanna take that away from them

34. What was your last dream about?

ask God not me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

not really, however i have had several surgeries (all on my mouth) so i was in the hospital for those

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I have built a real, genuine snowman once in my life, and the only proof is a picture i have bc i was so little i can’t even remember it. it doesn’t snow in georgia

38. What is the color of your socks?

ain’t wearing em, however most of mine are gray with some colorful bits

39. What type of music do you like?

I have an eclectic mix of favorites.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises all the way, the afternoon and evening make me anxious but nighttime and dawn and early morning are the best times

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

vanilla bitch

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

UGA i guess bc it’s ga and that’s a safe answer, i don’t really follow sports (i watch baseball sometimes though)

43. Do you have any scars?

oh i’m covered in tiny ones, the most notable being one on my thigh that was on my knee when i first noticed it. to this day i do not know how i got it

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

gay

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i wanna be better about lying

46. Are you reliable?

heh depends, when it comes to knowing random things or being stupid, yes, but when it comes to remembering things, such as dates and times and things? absolutely not

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Has it gotten easier?

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes and no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a whelk and a quetzalcoatlus, no i do not accept constructive criticism

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i once spent hours talking to myself about if it is possible for a perfectly fair coin to exist outside of theory

51. Are you a good liar?

I like to think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Oh I could go a looooooooooooooong time, however i do have my chatterbox days and i am known for not shutting up so it’s really a tossup on that one

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

when i was 3 my mom put blonde highlights in my hair and it was absolutely absurd

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

i cannot bake to save my life, however i have made my father cheesecakes for his birthday and they turned out okay so idk

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

sco-ish

56. What do you like on your toast?

a crap ton of butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

dude in a graduation cap

58. What would be you dream car?

idk whatever’s cheap and works

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

uhhh not really no

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i mean i don’t think we’re the only life in the entire universe, so yeah (and also they’ve found traces of ancient bacteria on Mars so if you don’t believe then who are you kidding)

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

occasionally, i don’t believe in astrology but it’s at least somewhat accurate a lot of the time and i like to freak myself out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

you’d think i’d have an answer for this, however i have never thought about this before. so e ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

if your answer to this is dinosaurs then get out of my house

64. What do you think about babies?

they’re good at shrieking, and for that i admire them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

i am not interesting

#are you pleased with yourself yobi #sorry this took so long #strawzy answers #fucking yobi #tw swearing #cw swearing #strawzy cleans out dus inbox

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incarnation-of-victory · 5 years

Text

Thoughts on/reactions to the BNHA: Heroes Rising movie since I need somewhere to gush about it (now that I’ve gotten to see it officially in theaters):

NOT SPOILER-FREE/SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

(As an FYI, I saw the film in the original Japanese with English subtitles. Not sure if I’ll ever watch it in the English dub, seeing as I didn’t watch the first movie or the anime in English dub. I don’t mind it, and I’ll watch clips of it here and there, but I don’t feel like going out of my way to watch BNHA in its entirety in English.)

In no particular order (this is long, kinda a mess, not verb tense consistent, iffy at a few points because I don’t remember some exact details, etc. Be forewarned. Split into sections for a semblance of convenience):

The Fight Scenes/Class 1-A (General Overview):

This movie is pretty action-packed! The majority of the film consisted of fight scenes—but never quite to the point that it felt tiring. Now, I’m no expert on animation or fight choreography, but I thought the battle sequences were STUNNING! I really feel like the animators put a lot of care into this film.

Speaking of fight scenes, I was pleasantly surprised to see how a lot of the less-centric 1-A students were able to get their time to shine. Uraraka got a cool Badass™ moment (kinda reminded me of her fight versus Bakugou at the Sports Festival). Sero goes all out on a villain (was it Nine?), getting thrown back, but still earning a concerned “Sero!” from Bakugou (so that’s a win). Aoyama is surprisingly a force to be reckoned with his Navel Laser. Shoji deserves the title of Honorary Big Brother to Katsuma and Mahoro (the kids) with the way he devoted himself to protecting them throughout the battles (seriously made me emotional at one point!). Tokoyami and Dark Shadow were sick as usual! Kirishima gets another Unbreakable moment—this dude’s seriously got guts!

Todoroki, while arguably one of the main protagonists of the series, admittedly didn’t feel like he got TOO much screen-time during this film (I feel like it’s because they wanted to focus on the relationship between Deku and Bakugou). That being said, his defeat of Chimera was AWESOME. It was a nice touch having him remember Endeavor’s advice as he prepares his final attack, his father’s profile dissolving into his own. Todoroki really went Plus Ultra there (almost too much, like, damn, I think you got him). There were a few times like that throughout the film, like with Bakugou vs. Mummy, where I was like, pretty sure these villains should not be alive right now, but accordingly to anime logic, they’ll be fine (plus, we can’t have the hero students be killing anyone...). Basically, everyone was really cool, and I think this movie proves how they all deserve to be at UA.

The climax battle (Deku & Bakugou vs. Nine): I kinda wish I didn’t spoil so much of HR before seeing it officially—not that it ruined my enjoyment of it, but I feel like it would have been more intense/emotional if I went into it blind. So I knew going in that Deku and Bakugou were going to share OFA (and I may or may NOT have seen clips of it online beforehand... because I have no self-control), but it was still really great seeing it on the big-screen! Didn’t cry like I thought I would, but the moment where Deku and Bakugou did their Detroit Smash together for the first time got me kinda teary-eyed, with them doing an All Might-esque one-fist-raised pose. It’s just so heartwarming to see these two work together, carrying on All Might’s legacy.

Deku + Katsuma & Mahoro (the two main, local kids of Nabu Island):

Speaking of getting emotional: THAT scene when All Might arrives post-final battle and he’s cradling an injured Deku in his arms and Deku apologizes to him for having to give away OFA because he feels like he’s failed him: OH MY GOD! Major props to Daiki Yamashita for his voice acting in that scene (as for all his scenes as Deku, of course), it was so raw and emotional! Same praise applies to Nobuhiko Okamoto for his respective scenes as Bakugou, naturally.

Also, I SUPER enjoyed Deku in this film! I mean, I’m already a huge Deku stan (perhaps this comes as a bit of a surprise, since I never shut up about Bakugou and Bakugou only), but you could really see his development in HR! He comes across as a lot more confident, steady, level-headed, and sure of himself than he used to be! It was incredible to see him fight too: his first encounter with Nine in the forest stood out to me in particular. Ever the strategist. Sure, he’s still a little bit of a push-over (he apologizes to Mahoro, who’s just a little girl, after she scolds him for not coming to “rescue” her brother fast enough—it’s a pretty funny scene), but he really feels like he’s filling out his role as All Might’s successor. Not to mention all the parallels of his relationship with Katsuma to Deku’s own relationship with All Might. Also, of course, Deku is a huge sweetheart, and it was so endearing to see him interact with the island kids. Katsuma and Mahoro might seriously have some competition when it comes to the cutest characters in this film: they really amped up the sweetness of Deku in this film. But maybe I’m biased because I’m a Deku stan so I’ll shut up now. But seriously, big mama bear vibes from Deku with the kids.

While I’m on the topic of cuteness, Oh My God, Katsuma and Mahoro were PRECIOUS! Now I understand why Horikoshi couldn’t stop drawing them—seriously, they are the total opposite of the usual annoying kids trope. Katsuma’s shyness/timidness was adorable. Mahoro’s sass and attitude was adorable. On top of that, they were very brave and protective of each other. Their brother-sister relationship was also very wholesome. But seriously, almost every time these kids were on-screen, I could hear people in the audience going “Awww” and I was like “YES! AWW IS RIGHT!”

The Bakugou section (because my adoration of him warrants an entire section of its own):

This doesn’t seem like too natural of a segue, but cuteness has now made me think about Bakugou and how he was in the film. Can I just say, I love how all the comical, raging Bakugou scenes made the audience laugh; I love that we all share the same amusement of this angry gremlin. The part where Bakugou finds out that Mahoro tricked him by making an illusion of a villain and he goes into Rage Mode to the 10th power was amazing. The edgy guitar rendition of Bakugou’s leitmotif playing in the background as they zoom into his furious face thrice as he gets increasingly incensed, with fiery flames in the background, was peak comedy. And then Deku has to hold Bakugou back as the kids escape his wrath. Even when the two tumble to the ground, Bakugou Grudge-crawls up to them with Deku clinging to his back. One of my favorite scenes in the film: it was hilarious. Oh, Bakugou. Never change.

Bakugou’s old ways aside, I do like how he seemed to warm up to the kids a little by the end of the film. His genuine smile and sort-of wave upon seeing the kids saying goodbye to them as they sail away on the ship was sweet! Earlier, when Bakugou first grabs Katsuma and carries him along to show him where the “villain” is, once they locate it, Bakugou immediately yeets Katsuma aside like an empty soda can (he was fine, of course). While, admittedly, I found that moment hilarious, I did feel the general reaction of audience also being like, jeez, Bakugou, you don’t throw kids like that, lol. I did like how, despite tossing Katsuma aside, Bakugou did grunt a quick “Go hide” to him, showing that he did care at least a little for Katsuma’s safety: more than he outwardly demonstrates, at least. I like how the whole “proper handling of kids” thing came back during the final battle when Bakugou catches Mahoro from falling when Nine tosses her aside (not totally unlike how Bakugou tossed Katsuma aside earlier.. hmm...). And Deku was the one who punched (kicked?) Nine at that moment instead (showing a little reversal of roles when it comes to saving and fighting). Seriously, Bakugou puts Mahoro down so gently on her feet too! It was so sweet! And then he proceeds to give her his whole “This is why I’m going to be the number one hero” spiel too. If my memory serves me correctly, I think Mahoro wasn’t even going to fall that far, and would have probably been fine if she just dropped to the ground, but Bakugou still went out of his way to catch her, which is great. But yeah, though obviously Bakugou is nowhere near as bad as Nine, I like how this was one of the moments which proved the difference between Bakugou and the villains, that his rescue demonstrates just the kind of hero Bakugou is eventually going to become.

Another moment like that, which I haven’t seen too many people talk about, is when Bakugou and Deku are immobilized by Nine’s 2 Blue-Eyes White Dragons, and Nine gives a speech on something along the lines of how power is great and he wants to create a world in which the strong rule over the weak, yada yada, total domination. Deku, of course, is infuriated by Nine’s evil plans, but I was also pleasantly surprised to see Bakugou tell him off too, telling him how he’s crazy for wanting to do something like that. Of course, it's been clear for a while that Bakugou is not necessarily the power-hungry, overlord type, but this moment really made a little more clear to me that Bakugou is more concerned with winning and the sense of self-fulfillment that comes with it, rather than ruling over others with his power (though I don’t doubt that Bakugou finds some enjoyment in being able to beat up villains. I mean, look at that feral smile).

Also, Bakugou melting a whole-ass mountain and hurling it at Nine. Freaking lava monster. That is all.

The Deku & Bakugou Dynamic:

Deku really wasn’t intimidated by Bakugou anymore in the film, so I appreciated those moments when Deku stood up to him and wouldn’t take his shit. One example was when Deku held Bakugou back from scolding the kids. Another moment I thought was great was when Mahoro called them about Nine’s arrival, and Bakugou answers the phone, thinking she’s crying wolf again, and starts to chew her out until Deku snatches the phone out of his hand. Bakugou just stares at him in shock, he looks so offended, haha! He can hardly get out a word of protest before just slumping in defeat, annoyed, but still letting Deku talk to Mahoro on the phone. Really like those moments where Deku takes charge like that.

Bakugou eavesdropping (as per his usual nosy self) on Katsuma and Deku’s conversation, in which Katsuma apologizes for their prank earlier, explains his story, and Deku talks about how saving and winning are both important (*hint hint, nudge nudge*). And Bakugou’s so engrossed that he doesn’t notice his popsicle melting until it drips onto the floor. And he just stares at it in vague bafflement. Yes. Good.

This was another really small moment, but it was cute, so I have to talk about it. Deku’s training outside and Bakugou runs into him on his patrol. They have their whole talk about how they’re going to surpass each other, and then, right at the end, Deku kinda just smiles at him. It’s such a fond smile, you can even hear him giving a small laugh along with it. And then Bakugou meets it with a determined stare, and he almost gives a gruff little “huh?”. It was just a funny little stare down they had there, except they’re coming at it with completely different expressions/sentiments. Bakugou almost seemed a bit confused by Deku’s happy smile; it reminded me of that moment during Deku vs. Kacchan 2, when Deku takes a moment to smile at Bakugou, impressed by his progress, and Bakugou gets pissed at him for looking so happy. Like, c’mon Bakugou, let the guy be proud of you! I think now, post-DvK2, Bakugou does understand Deku’s words/expressions a little better, but he still doesn’t seem to fully comprehend how much Deku respects and cares for him. Either that, or he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Here’s to hoping Bakugou comes to realize it at some point. Bakugou-accept-compliments/affection challenge 2020.

I think everyone’s already said what there is to say about Deku’s decision to give OFA to Bakugou, and Bakugou’s reaction to it. Even so, I have a few things to add. One, I like how Bakugou’s grown to respect Deku as a rival/fellow hero in the movie, which is especially evident once Deku gives him OFA. Deku, of course, trusts Bakugou enough to give it to him, saying how it’s alright if it’s him, really hammering in that bond they have between them (that and well... he’s really the only other option here...). Two, Bakugou’s initial reaction after Deku implies that they need to share OFA, his expression right before he reaches out his hand to take it, has some people talking. I initially thought that the reason Bakugou looked so defeated/begrudging/upset, was because him having to accept OFA/help from Deku in order to win was a blow to his pride (kind of like in the Final Exam team-up). Or that it also means that Bakugou can no longer beat Deku at his strongest (Bakugou with OFA would become the better hero by default, kind of like how Endeavor rose to Number 1 after All Might’s retirement, instead of earning it through besting him fair and square). But I’ve also seen people say it was because Bakugou was reluctant to have to put an end to Deku’s dream (not unlike the way Bakugou put an end to All Might’s career?), since Deku was forfeiting OFA. Which I can kind of believe, but then again, this is why Bakugou is so hard to pin down: we rarely get his inner narrative, so his expressions are often multi-faceted/layered. So who knows what he was thinking? Granted, I tend to actually not give Bakugou the benefit of the doubt in these situations, but I do hope it was a mixture of all these things. But I think Bakugou really did feel bad about Deku’s hero career potentially being over: he even asks him if he was sure about his decision immediately after accepting OFA. Which is a huge 180 from the beginning of the series, when Bakugou WANTED to put an end to Deku’s dream. Now that’s growth.

This is going to delve more into just Bakugou himself, but I had additional thoughts about the whole OFA transfer thing, and how All Might (tentatively?) concludes that the predecessors returned OFA to Deku, even though, supposedly, it is non-returnable. The fact that Bakugou doesn’t remember the OFA transfer might be a better thing that I thought, since, if it really was the predecessors’ decision to give it back to Deku (and not just because he conked out before the transfer was done), then that just means that Deku is the one who is really worthy of OFA, and not him. At least, that’s one way of looking at it. Which might have crushed Bakugou, even though Bakugou likely doesn’t want OFA for himself. But I almost think that explains part of Bakugou’s reaction I mentioned in the previous point. Maybe, deep down, Bakugou doesn’t think he deserves OFA? Sure, Bakugou’s made it clear that he wants to become the best hero with his own power/Quirk, but it still hurt/confused him in DvK2 that All Might chose Deku. OFA itself choosing Deku and not him might as well just confirm that Deku is truly the better hero. Of course, we can’t really know for sure why the vestiges returned OFA to Deku. Personally, I would find it kinda funny/sad if OFA just thought Deku was better. Maybe it’s destiny? Maybe Deku’s journey is just not meant to be over yet? Or maybe, Bakugou, in the OFA mindscape, actually relinquished OFA to Deku of his own accord? Either way, as much as I love Bakugou, I think the vestiges were right in going back to Deku. Not even just for plot-reasons, but that OFA really is better suited for Deku. It’s a Quirk meant to be used for the sake of other people, and Bakugou simply isn’t of that mindset (yet?). I’m sorry Bakugou, but I’d choose Deku too.

Overall, I really feel like Deku and Bakugou’s teamwork was so natural and in-sync! They seem to act like one unit, not even having to talk to each other during the final Double OFA showdown, like they’re on the same wavelength or something. This film really made me believe that these two are going to become hero partners in the future or something, they’re too good together to be ultimately separated. Or maybe that’s just me being hopeful. We’ll see.

Meme Corner:

Bakugou after finding out that Mahoro was creating an illusion of a villain:

Bakugou: *winces from the pain of breaking his arm using OFA*

Deku, not even bothered, multiple-time champion of the arms-breaking club:

also:

Bakugou to the kids: “I’m gonna show you why I’m gonna be the number one hero!”

*proceeds to get the shit beat out of him by Nine* (cue the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme).

Wrap-Up/Conclusion:

There’s probably a lot more to discuss (that other people will likely touch on), but this is mainly what I cared about, so I’ll leave it at that. But just as a brief summary for everything else: LOV was good as usual, were mainly only at the beginning of the film; speaking of, that opening car chase sequence was pretty neat; the brief, Endeavor vs. Dabi was cool; Endeavor hugging Todoroki after they were rescued and Todoroki Not Having any of it was funny; Nine was alright as the main villain, could use some more depth, but I guess that’s what the short spin-off manga and bonus material are for. Hawks was great too. Even though I didn’t watch the English dub, I really liked the short clip I did see of him in English. His English VA suits him well (as does the Japanese)!

I don’t feel like going into critiques, even though there certainly are things to critique in the movie. I just enjoyed this film for the joyride that it is. Main nitpick: maybe NOT drop a bunch of high-schoolers on an island without a Pro-hero presence. Maybe NOT do that. But we got the Good ol’ Hero Commission going: “Oh boy, what could POSSIBLY go wrong??? 🤷🤷🤷”

Oh, and I do think that this film is safe for anime-onlies. The only thing is that people who haven’t read the manga will see things/characters they don’t really know about it and will, thus, be left wondering a little about them, but I don’t think it’s a huge deal.

If you took the time to get to the end of all my rambling, thank you and congrats! I didn’t include screen-caps for this post because the movie’s not on digital or DVD yet (and I don’t want to use other people’s camrips because Reasons), so I might do additional analyses once that happens.

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Link to Unofficial Part 1 of My Thoughts on HR (based on leaks, before actually seeing the film; but I do go more into depth on other points of the film, such as OFA)

#bnha heroes rising spoilers #this post was basically me going 'how many other ways can i say the word heartwarming'#tl;dr: this film made me very happy

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princess-faelivrin · 6 years

Text

It’s a very abridged list of characters, BUT I wanted to make a post about my interpretations of some of the CoH characters despite the fact that Nobody Asked. Apologies in advance for 100000 blocks of text and yelling.

TÚRIN

Call it projecting, ‘cause I guess it is, but Túrin has always been half-Asian in my head, in terms of appearance. I don’t know if I do a good enough job of showing it in my art, but Morwen reminds me of my Taiwanese mom and Húrin of my white-passing dad, so my Túrin takes after his mom. He’s stated to have grey eyes, so grey eyes he will have, but I tend to draw them dark enough that they almost look black. Aside from that, he’s tallish with unruly also-almost-black hair and a tendency to wear dark colors, which... might also be projection except for the tall part. It is what it is.

Anyway, personality-wise... I mean this with all the love in my heart, but Túrin’s a dumb emo. Actually I partially take that back-- he’s a smart emo, smart and charismatic enough to be a natural leader with a good head for battle, but a ridiculous emo nonetheless.

As stated in the Childhood of Túrin, he was kind of a weird kid, too old for his age and slightly unsettling, with a quick temper and an ability to hold grudges, but he cared deeply for the feelings of those around him and had a strong protective instinct for his little sis Lalaith. He’s also shown to have a leaning towards pity throughout his life, for anyone hurt or sad or at a disadvantage, which is really sweet and kinda makes me want to cry.

Later on, Túrin is clearly pretty impulsive and can be ruled by anger, like when he smacked Saeros in the nose with a cup (which is valid) and lashed out at Beleg when he tried to give him bread. He felt bad about that second one pretty quickly, but I think it’s mentioned a couple times throughout CoH that people are scared of Túrin because of how quickly his mood can go south.

On the other hand, despite the fact that he keeps directly and indirectly killing them, Túrin actually does really love his friends. Obvs he loves Beleg, and he loved Sador and probably Nellas too, and during the Nargothrond chapter he tries his best to look after Gwindor and Finduilas and try to figure out what’s making both of them so damned sad all the time. He fails, of course, because he’s too oblivious to notice the romantic tension so thick you’d have to use Gurthang to cut it, but he tries and that’s what counts.

BELEG

I think it might just be because of fanart, but Beleg as I see him has silver hair. Between Beleg and Mablung, the consensus seems to be that one of them has dark hair and the other silver, so my Beleg is the silver one. I have actually no idea what color his eyes are, though. Hazel? Who knows. He’s taller than Túrin, that’s for sure, with long legs and broad shoulders. I like drawing him with a little white flower pin on his clothes.

He seems to be a pretty cheerful dude, probably the most cheerful in all of CoH, which is good for him, I guess. He laughs when the outlaws see him and go “oh shit, who is that?” and lets them be in suspense for a second or two before going “haha, sike, it’s me! Beleg! I have food for y’all starving dudes.” Thus, he’s a good foil/companion to Túrin’s depressing nature and his death removes a lot of the scant happiness in Túrin’s life.

Something I love about Beleg is that he’s very forgiving and just like... a ridiculously nice person for the situation. Beleg doesn’t hold anything against Túrin, doesn’t hold anything against Andróg either (which is pretty impressive,) and immediately decides to give Gwindor lembas and take him along for the ride after finding him under a tree in the forest.

The big important thing to Beleg’s personality, imo, is that he’s very loyal (to Túrin specifically.) Despite being told it’s a dangerous idea, he goes and looks for Túrin in the wilderness, and even Thingol is well aware he won’t be stopped. It also outright says that where Túrin is concerned, Beleg “yield[s] to his love against his wisdom” to be with him. He’s straight up referred to as the most steadfast of friends, which is really sad because it’s like a sentence after he dies, but there it is-- Beleg is a good friend and a loyal one.

TÚRIN’S FAMILY

I already mentioned the fact that Túrin’s family reminds me a lot of mine, which definitely influences my perception of them, but anyway:

Morwen is a fairly angular lady, who has dark dark hair pulled into a chopstick bun behind her head and a pair of raven-feather earrings that gleam in low light. She’s the parent that Túrin got his unsettling edgy aura from, and her Displeased Face is enough to scare any intruder out of her house. She loves her kids and her husband, but she’s stern so sometimes it’s hard to tell.

Húrin is the neighborhood guy who knows everyone and who everyone knows in return. He’s kind of a square-looking blond guy, like Van Hohenheim from Fullmetal Alchemist except happier and more of a jock. He apparently can play the harp, which is cool, and he probably has lots of stories from being out and about with the elf-host. He loves his kids and his wife and likes to joke around sometimes with Túrin because he’s so straightforward and less inclined to humor.

Niënor outstripped her parents and her brother in height, and ended up the tallest of the family. She has her dad’s blonde hair, and is slightly more square shaped than her mom or her brother. She’s also half-Asian, but you have to squint. She doesn’t fight like her brother, and is acutely aware of the Túrin-shaped hole in her mother’s life and heart and the matching shadow cast over her own life. However unlike Túrin she is in some ways, she has the same occasional fiery stubbornness and penchant for anguished theatrics, albeit on a smaller scale.

Lalaith... poor kid. She was charming and cute but didn’t last long.

MABLUNG

My Mablung has wavy-ish dark hair in a similar style to Beleg’s, and has a slightly less willowy build, for lack of a better way to compare them. He’s got dark eyebrows to better express how utterly unimpressed he is with whatever dumb shit is going down in Doriath, and probably a few not-too-flashy piercings. He’s very dignified in posture and appearance, but not like... pretentious, because he fights people in the woods on a regular basis.

Out of Túrin’s friends, Mablung is probably the most akin to the Responsible One, with Gwindor at a close second. He’s less willing than Beleg to drop everything for a friend, and requires more evidence to support it, but he’ll still do it after thinking it over and will probably beat himself up about not having gone for it sooner.

On that point, poor guy takes too much onto his own shoulders and ends up feeling shitty and miserable when he fails at something that he could not have possibly succeeded at. This is demonstrated in terrible, heartwrenching fashion throughout the story, when Mablung asks Thingol to fire him because he lost Morwen and Niënor, to which Thingol says “what no, you’re too good, we need you” and Melian says “don’t feel too bad about it, ok?” (he ignores the last part and continues to feel bad enough about it that he looks for Niënor for Literal Years.) Also on that topic is the scene in which Mablung sees Túrin dead and stands there like some sort of Beleriand Benvolio, realizing that all his friends are dead and that “thus with words have I slain one that I loved.”

NELLAS

I almost forgot her, can you imagine? You probably can, because she’s a minor character who disappeared like a third of the way through the story, but let’s not talk about that. She’s a forest girl, so I imagine she likes to wear a lot of nice leaves on her head, and/or make a bunch of flower crowns and then drop them in fright if anyone happens to find her in the process. She has dark brown hair and big, curious eyes, and is short and slight even by human standards.

Nellas has... hardcore dirt lesbian energy. It’s implied that she had a crush on Túrin, but honestly, I doubt that very much. In my head, she and Túrin were just really close pals, and she taught him about how to live in the woods and how to rescue worms from the rain. Her moment of glory, basically, is going into the city once and immediately proceeding to freeze up from anxiety in front of the king. Is that a mood? Yeah and I love her. I hope she’s okay.

ANDRÓG

I realize he’s another minor character, but he is a very compelling one to me specifically, so. As I imagine him, he’s a fairly lean young dude with a hungry-wolf look about him, which is sort of a mixture of desperation, suspicion, and plain snappishness. He has dark eyes and hair a little darker than what could be called ‘mousy brown,’ tied back in a short ponytail. He also has a frequent scowl and generally is a little bit scary, although he isn’t exactly physically imposing in the ‘tall and buff’ sense.

There really is no other way to describe Andróg’s personality than ‘he’s a particularly mean tsundere.’ He’s just... full of rage and repressed Feelings for Túrin and possibly also Beleg. Unfortunately, these feelings manifest in Being A Bitch And Generally Not Nice. It takes him so long to admit he can’t actually hate Beleg that he literally just up and dies after doing one (1) nice thing. Why do I like him? It’s anyone’s guess tbh.

GWINDOR

Ah... yes...... the character who nobody talks about but who I love with my whole heart and soul. To start off with appearance, the only canon things about what he looks like is that he has dark hair and looks older than he would otherwise because torture. Immediately post-imprisonment and during it, I imagine his hair is short, but beforehand and a while after, it gets back to being long. He has a bunch of scars from all that too, and generally has the bearing and amount of grey hairs as a substitute teacher who nobody listens to. I draw him with grey eyes usually, but saw @bisexualturin‘s hc of him having had violet eyes before and I’m kinda in love thanks.

In terms of who he is as a person, we don’t know much of what he was like before the Nirnaeth, but as I see him, he’s always had a fiery streak and a slightly acerbic sense of humor. Being tormented for 14 years forced him to mellow out some, by which I mean a) how the hell are you supposed to keep your sense of humor after that and b) as shown in his arguments with Túrin over tactics, he’s now extremely wary of head-on battle.

He’s fundamentally someone who wants the best for the people around him, and who loves both Finduilas and Túrin very much despite feeling hurt and miserable over the fact that his opinion is now worth nothing to those in charge and the sense that he’s not good enough for anyone (much less his two best friends) in his current state. Overall, his dying speech is emblematic of the very Oof Ouch and Complicated feelings he ended up having toward Túrin, namely “you’re a dumbass and probably should have listened to me, but I love you and I am going to try my damndest to give both you and Finduilas as much of a chance at life as I can, even here as I bleed out in your arms.”

Which brings us to...

FINDUILAS

Finduilas is sweet like honey chamomile tea and her whole being radiates soft sunlight. In my mind, she’s somewhat round-faced, with really fluffy golden hair, sparkly freckles on tan skin, and a liking for wearing light blue clothes that match her eyes. She smiles a lot and possibly gives off actual light??? Also my heart is full of affection for chubby Finduilas. General consensus is Soft.

Canon-wise, whether she’s more introverted or extroverted is kind of up to interpretation, as all we’re really given is that she worries about Túrin when he’s out fighting and “wishe[s] not to add one tear to [Gwindor’s] suffering.” I tend to think of her as sunny and gregarious, with way more game than her dad, and with endless reserves of empathy, sympathy, and compassion for the people she loves.

As a Finwean princess, she absolutely has the capacity for badassery, which makes me very into the idea of Túrin rescuing her post-Nargothrond as per Gwindor’s request and the two of them going on a road trip of doom. But unfortunately, we don’t get to see another side of her in the book.

I usually just put the book down and cry after the sack of Nargothrond, so I’ll just do one more character:

ORODRETH

Ok, so Finduilas has to have gotten her Vanyarin hair from her dad, clearly. But since Elves can probably change their appearances based on willpower to some degree, Orodreth’s hair is nowhere near as fluffy, and is a darker honey-blonde than Finduilas’ gold. He’s one of the plainest-looking Finweans by virtue of the fact that he perpetually has this look on his face that makes him seem like he wants to melt into the floor and go back to Aman. Which he kinda does.

Unfortunately, Orodreth didn’t do much in the story except be a doormat to like five different people and then die, but I still like him for whatever reason. Way early on, before Húrin or his kids were a thing, Orodreth was still himself, aka someone who asked nicely for people to not make bad decisions, and predictably didn’t get listened to. Sure, some of Fëanor’s terrible boys took over his hidden elf city, but what was he going to do? Fight them? No. He’d rather just Not.

...I feel bad for him. He literally did not ask for Any Of That.

that’s all y’all, I am so sorry for making you read the entirety of the inside of my head as it has been for the past four months

#the children of hurin #turin turambar #beleg cuthalion #morwen #hurin #nienor niniel #mablung #nellas #androg #gwindor #finduilas #orodreth #blazie .txt #this is so much text i am so sorry #i wrote it all in one go so like idk if there's typos

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