#E. thinking back now i'm very sure she was a pretty toxic friend and she did and said a lot of shitty things when i was a teenager

[katya-goncharov]

i wonder if it's weird that i still bear a grudge against my friend from primary school for unfriending me on facebook over a decade ago

[zenkindoflove]

"I want what Elain wants and she wants Azriel"

Is a claim I often see e/riels use to claim why they are "pro Elain" and implying that if you ship Elain with her mate because "she clearly doesn't want him" then you are anti Elain.

So yeah this whole post is why that's bullshit.

First let's get some things straight that we all can agree are facts.

1. Elain had a crush on Azriel. It's clear by their looks and touches and her showing body language that she wanted to kiss him in the bonus chapter. It's unclear whether that crush survived post her tears over his rejection and giving the necklace back as they had no canonical interactions post solstice.

2. Elain does not want to address the bond right now and avoids Lucien. Her feelings about Lucien specifically and what she thinks about the bond are unclear.

Now that we got that out of the way, the assertion that you are the most pro Elain because you ship her with Azriel is quite a stretch. I'm sure you like Elain, as do I, but you do not hold some moral high ground because of who you ship her with.

First, let's discuss the idea that you have to support who Elain wants. People can want all kinds of people who are not right for them for a lot of reasons. It's a common experience for many to want the wrong guy. To have a crush and think they're the best and it'll all work out only to have your heart smashed by the cruel reality that they were wrong for you or didn't want you the way you did. It's also common to hate your friends' boyfriends and husbands because they're assholes despite how much they "want" them.

People's feelings change. Feelings are fickle.

In SJM's canonical world, mating bonds are not.

It makes sense that Elain, after going through her horrible rejection by the man she actually wanted and loved, Graysen, would not be ready to face what having a mate means. I'm sure it felt like infidelity to her, especially if she does desire and feel a pull towards Lucien like every other female with a mating bond has in this series. Her avoidance of Lucien can mean a lot of things, including that she wants him even if she mentally isn't ready or feels she shouldn't.

It also makes sense that she would seek out and find herself in a rebound crush with someone who is in her proximity and is low risk. Azriel doesn't come with the pressure of being her fated soulmate. He's just a dude. A dude who is pretty and paid some attention to her.

So yeah, I get why she wants him. Doesn't mean I think he is right for her.

Why isn't he right for her? To make a long post short, Azriel often undermines Elain. He diminishes her need for help when she's clearly depressed (ACOWAR), and he speaks for her and directly contradicts her wants (ACOSF, scrying). He is entitled to her without merit (the third sister line, bonus). He ignores her wishes to avoid violence and wants to kill people who are important to her (wanting Graysen killed, saying he'd kill Lucien in a blood duel - we know canonically if a mate dies it is like losing half of your soul). He thinks very little of her past his lustful fantasies (bonus chapter) and even to the point of projecting his own self-hatred when he looks at her skin (bonus chapter). Elain is symbolic for him of the thing he covets most (a mate), and his crush on her is a manifestation of his psychological need to pursue unavailable females because of his self worth (friends who will never romantically love him or a female with a mating bond). Basically they are a recipe for a toxic relationship full of avoiding real personal healing.

So yeah sorry, even if Elain wants to kiss him I'm not shipping her with someone like that just because she "wants" it. I would rather see her have a story where she discovers who she is and what being Fae means to her, which means directly addressing not only her powers (hello let her scry) but also addressing her mating bond head on by getting to know the male that she will always have a pull to, no matter if she rejects the bond or not. Elain is a fictional character with a narrative arc. Her wants now will not always stay static.

For me, as someone pro Elain, I want her to give herself a chance at a forever kind of love, one with a soul to soul connection and an eternal devotion. I want her to experience that unconditional love she so desperately craves. I don't want to read her choosing just some regular dude who will probably drop her the second his mating bond snaps anyways. She deserves a mate. Even if she doesn't know or understand that yet.

And quite frankly, I think once Elain does learn not only who Lucien is but the way he thinks about her and how devoted he is to her and only her, she will want him soon enough. I don't ship for characters' frivolous crushes in the now. I ship for their potential with the right person. The person who will see them starving and depressed and worry about their well being rather than what their powers can provide them. Who will hear their vision and cross an ocean because they believe in it. Who will fight across a battlefield just to make sure they're okay. Who will even push down their own needs and wants to give them space because that's what they want right now.

You know what that means though. If you're pro-Elain for wanting what Elain wants, then Lucien is the most pro-Elain person there is. And why wouldn't he be? He is her mate after all, and he will do anything for her.

So yeah, that's who I want for Elain, and I think that makes me pretty pro-Elain too.

[thebottomfromhell]

Headcanons

Reincarnation after courtship. Demon male reader, part two [here]

Reincarnation after courtship. Demon male reader, part one [here]

Reincarnation after courtship. Human male reader, part one [Original Ask]

Reincarnation after courtship. Human male reader, part two [here]

Warnings: Predatory-animalistic reader, Yandere behavior from reader (not a real Yandere, but still), Cannibalism, canonical demon's inability to grow and move on, Referenced sexual content, Mentioned non-character human death, Friends-with-benefits relationship, Ambiguous endings, and Toxic relationships.

Reader:

You didn't manage to do everything he wanted to you to do, one of your biggest failures is finding Tamayo and not being able to kill her. You almost did, managed to rip her apart with your hands and fangs, but with that doggy brat of hers she managed to scape you and almost got you to say his name. You never found her again, you had the flavor of her flesh and blood always in your mouth, you searched for a while, but then gave up. You were not killed for failing, so it's probably not a big deal, still you have her blood on you, so you will know if she is near. You could keep searching, hunting her to death for her betrayal, but you want to spend you time in something else. In someone else.

You like to think of yourself as a good man, or at least a good lover, courting took effort, but having that very special demon, an Uppermoon no less, warming up to you and letting you be in their life is worth it. It was fine, a good life, all because he was alive. And then he wasn't. You were not on their final battle, but you felt the second both him and your beloved were gone.

G O N E

And it drives you mad, they are all still gone, only Tamayo's puppy left. You spend your days searching for him because how come both you and him get to LIVE when your Upper Moon did NOT? Now is the Twenty-first century, it's been around one hundred years but that dog hides as good as always, it doesn't help that civilizations are everytime more demanding (What do you mean papers? Camara what? How come plastic stamps now have magic money?) and you still must hide from the sun and eat humans. You never found Tamayo's dog....

But you found your lover.

Gyutaro (ft. Daki):

You think it's cute how he still takes care of his sister, Daki is as pretty as ever! You find Gyutaro working in one of his several jobs, skipping education that nowadays seems too important and expensive for it to be fair, trying to pay housing, food and get for the younger one to be able to study, even if she clearly is not the smart one between the two (maybe that's why she needs the money). You follow him to his home, and start leaving there things you steal in those districts where the Yakuza like to think they are the worst there is in the country. There people will notice more the missing wallet than the corpse itself.

Again, Gyutaro is smart, so he becomes paranoid when money in no small amountd start appearing besides him when he wakes up. It was only matter of time he would manage to fool you into showing yourself. He did it one night when Daki was out with some friends and stayed over, you would have followed her to make sure she was alright, but when Gyutaro said he would also invite a friend from work.... he doesn't have friends, so you stayed to see what was going on. "Hey, shitty bank! I know you are there, ne!" You are the friend. At first you tried to stay hidden from over the window, but then he threw too much money over it, money he could not afford to lose. So you got it for him and handed it personally, since he already saw you jump for it. "What are you?"

He is scared when you stand before him, defensive as if he could do anything if you wanted to hurt him "I'm yours, Gyutaro." You answers with honesty but also not wanting to explain anything as he backs off and goes to grab a knife in the kitchen, pointing at you with it. You don't care much for that as you step forward. "You don't have to worry about me. I promise I won't hurt you nor Daki." You say as you get in front of him. Still, he stabs you in the stomach, a blow that would be deadly to a human intruder, but is nothing for you. You only throw the money so it doesn't get stained with blood.

Gyutaro takes some steps back again as you take the knife of, blood on the blade but injury healing with the known sensation, body already used to it. You leave it at the side as your beloved corners himself against the wall, challenging you with his eyes, clearly scared but unwilling to back down. He looks so cute like this, he was always been too cute for his own good, oblivious to his own charming qualities and worried about a younger sister, unwilling to accep anyone might want him. That always had made you want to hold him, cover him from a world that made him feel unwanted, unlovable.

Because he shouldn't belong to that world, he should belong to you, who are willing to give him the treatment he deserves. His heartbeats and breaths become faster as you cup his face and play with his hair. He turns to look away, tensing his shoulders, he never liked too much attention to his face at the same time he would yearn for a gentle touch, to someone to have compassion on him and his little sister. "Let me take care of you." You whisper against his ear, refusing the tentation of tasting the skin exposed. He stops for some seconds, the ear becoming a cute red as he turns to face you, looking down.

"Ume...ne, my little sister's name is Ume." He says softly, almost as if relaxing in your hands, so you hold him, smiling. You keep bringing money, and Gyutaro let's you in only when Daki-Ume-whatever (Daki suits her better, she is such a princess and monster at the same time, it's her. Still, Gyutaro gets upset if you call her anything but "Ume", so you try) is asleep or out, only when she is asleep or out. You don't mind that, that way you don't have to fight her for Gyutaro's attention.

And you love giving him attention too, having him in your arms, hugs, kisses and bites over his skin everytime he cares enough to go around shirtless, whispering all the compliments you know he likes. That he so cute, so sexy, so atrong, so brave, and now he even tastes wonderful, he would be your best meal if you ever ate him. "But don't worry, I said I would take care of you, didn't I?" He always holds back tears, face, shoulders and ears get red as he shys away. You know he need this, for someone to take care of him for the first time, just like he had to step in and take care of his sister. "I know how to be a good husband." You can sense it, you make him feel desirable and loved. He melts against your touch and he is embarrased from it, just like in your last life.

You don't offer him your blood, knowing that he will never ask, because that would mean putting you over his little sister, and you always knew she was first. You are ok with that, it would not be the one you fell for if he disdn't put her first, specially since that also means putting her over himself. Still, you are willing to see him grow old and help him in whatever you need.

"Ne... Ume wants to leave for college... ne, what should I do? I don't want her to go away, but... with the money you got not letting her get in the college she wants... I don't want her to be stuck with me, ne..." he says want night he wanted to go out, so you took him to see the stars a bit far from the city. He sits in your lap, letting you keep him in your arms. "She would be better off without me, ne... wouldn't she? Ne... I'm so ugly and disgusting only a fucking demon can actually like me..." Normaly you would listen, you know better than to not validate his feelings, than to tell him things like "it's not true" or "it's not like that". There is a reason why he is talking like this now, while digging his hands in your shoulder, grinding his teeth.

You kiss him, holding your mouth against his, using your tongue to explore that long missing place. He seems to calm down, to relax against it, and once you drae back you tell him what he needs to hear. "Your sister will always need and love you, and as long as I am here I will be taking care of you both. Trust me on that." He let's you meet her before she parts, while she will be staying on dorms, the place is just a few hours away in train (it would take you minutes to run). "Hey, you freak. You better take care of my onii-chan, you hear me? I am leaving him in your hands so don't fuck up!" Just to have her tone changing when talking to him. "Onii-chan, I promise to write you every morning and night." That is Daki.

She grows up into a lady, they both grow up a lot, every day older. "Unfair! Why does he get to be young and handsome forever! Unfair! Unfair!" But she always behaves like a child when she is around you two. Guess some things won't ever change. You always take care of Gyutaro the best way you can, he looks less tired, more relaxed, he actually started to study himself once Daki hot out of college. Things seems good for them.

So it's good for you, until next life.

Sekido:

The smell of anger lures you in.

He is outside a club, basically ready to throw hands with the mem at the entrance as they don't let him in. "I'm telling you I just need to take one person out! OUT! You can't tell me you can't let more people in due space at this hour and not let me take my brother out of there!" He might convince them, specially with how noisy he is being, people are leaving the line and some passing by just bagin to stare annoyed. You can tell this angers him more, but that doesn't matter to you. What matters is that you found him, he is right there.

You end up sneaking in and forcing Karaku out, averything while not showing your face, but Sekido sees the other clone being thrown on the streets and rushes to see him, still frowning. "Karaku? Karaku! Fuck, he is too drunk! What the fu-" he shuts himself up when he sees you, as you make eye contact, leave into a darker corner. You know your eyes glowing the dark, and you also know Sekido will not follow you, but bring Karaku home, his home. And hopefully, you will be able to follow him up.

The plan was to follow him on the shadows, being slealthy, sneaky, to not let him know he was being followed... but you felt pity when he had to carry a barely concious Karaku. That reminder of their new mortality, of their new lack of power... is odd, you don't know what to think of it. He was once not even a demon, but a Demon Blood Art, the representarion of a piece of the power of a demon, a kizuki no less. You genuinely thought you would never see him again, because as he is not an individual by his own, he shouldn't have a soul to reincarnate. Did Hantengu's soul got fragmented? Is that how he is here? Would that even work?

Still, you saw him having trouble carrying his equal, the lightest one of them no less, so you step forward and speak. "Need any help?" Of course, you already knew Sekido wouldn't be amused by the offer, but instad of leashing out he only frowns at your way, putting his side in front to cover Karaku. "Who are you? Why are you following me?" He grinds his teeth, clearly untrusting of whatever you have to do or say. "I am someone who wants to help you." It's the best to be careful with what you say with him. "Well, I don't want your help. Get lost!" Then he tries to keep moving the other clone.

You see him moving away, slowly, painfully so. So you did the most reasonable thing in your head, help anyway. You took both of them in your arms and started walking. "WHAT THE-" Ok, maybe not walking, sprinting a bit, but definetely not running. "Tell me where to go." Of course, Sekido starts to kick and hit your, but... it barely does anything. Really, part of you feels you should at least pretend it hurts only to placate him, but you are not putting them down, not now you have Sekido in your arms once again. "LET ME DOWN, YOU ASSHOLE! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

In the end you keep going until he gets tired of trashing around, after gaining his breath back he spend some time in silence. "What are you?" You can sense he hoes to grab Karaku, who is also in your hold, you decide to stop since he apparently doesn't want to tell you where you can leave them both. "Yours. Tell me what you want, and I will do anything but leave. I have waited so long to see you again, I am staying near." He seems to get angre again, but interrupts himseld before starting.

"Leave me at the train station, I have my car stationed near the station closer to our home. Just... don't follow me. Not home." He seems a bit scared, smells scared, but he is a human now, you can understand he might be scared of a natural predator. Honestly, turning him should be an option, but it's not, since you have no idea what it could make in his body. "Alright." It really is, because you have him, and you know Sekido is not going to leave and not face you again, that is not how he is. He needs to have the last word.

You go to the train station you left him the next night, and he was waiting for you, now he seems furious. "I HAVE BEEN HERE 5 HOURS, WHAT THE FUCK?!" He looks like he wants to hit you, you would understand, Sekido always hated it when you made him wait. The nostalgia makes you chuckle, then smile, showing your fangs. "Sorry. I would have been here sooner if I could, but I can't stand under the sun." Anger fades into weariness. "What are you and what do you want with me?" He takes a step back before raising his voice. "I swear, if you lay a finger on my brothers I will-" You interrupt him by surprising him with your speed, now you are a breath from each other. "I am not interested in the others. I want you, husband." You say it, taking advantage od his shock to hug him, resting your chin in his shoulder as you whisper everything into his ear.

"... will you actually do whatever I say?" You nod, and you know he can see the intensity in your eyes, that one made of mixed feelings. Love, hunger, lust, nostalgia, melancholy, and many other feelings and sensations now lincked to him. "Then... do as I say when I say it. I don't care what you have to do, but I want the best for me and my brothers. By any means necesary." And you will. You will watch over him, and over Zohakuten. He begins to send you to look after Karaku and Urogi at night, begins to let you steal things for him, let's you take care of him sometimes. He doesn't let you in the house he shares with his family, but having him close is more than enough.

"After I die... would you eat my body? I don't want to be cremated or burried... I would like to stay...." he asks you one night while you where kissing and licking his wrists. "I will." You don't even have to think it. You raise to his level "Anything for you." And kiss him. He is yours, forever yours.

Karaku:

The smell of pleasure lures you in.

The club is full of people, usually you would take the chance to get someone drunk enough to be dinner without realizing it, that is why you came. But you are no longer hungry, you are filled with lust and love when the (at best tipsy, at worst drunk) guy that throws himself over your arms is no other than Karaku. "Hey, hot-stuff~ would you mind spending a while with me? I just sae you checking out some people, and I wanted to try my luck~." He found you, and you took him for the night, not wanting anyone else to lay a finger on him. You manage to smell Sekido in your way out, but you just evaded him and prevented the now human to find out. You sneak into a known place, this house has been abandoned for a while, so you have been using it from time to time during daylight. It's just a bit fixed, mostly because you took that as a hobby, to fix places like Karaku would want them. Also, at times you get a homeless person inside, after they found out the place was fixed and the door open. Nice dinner.

But the important thing is the lovely, young, energetic and horny guy in your arms. You made sure to treat him nice, as you had a nice place for him to lie back and take your gentle bites and licks. You made sure to switch between the softness and the feral need to have him, he always enjoyed both types of attention. Sometimes a bite made him bleed, and the savir of his blood excited several parts of you, but this is yohr lover, your husband, not some cheap meal. You loved him as such that night, no matter how his taste woke up your instincts to feed.

You drank a bit of his blood, but besides that? You kept your teeth out of his skin, licked the wounds clean and made sure he was able to sleep. He got tired quickly, but he probably lasted more than most humans, just less than he would as a demon, with unlimited endourance and stamina. But he sleeps soundly, hugging the pillow, slightly smiling in his dreams as he nuzzles himself against the matress. You just stay awake, watching him as you take some stolen money to get him something to eat... some sweet and a tea of a conventional store... yeah, it should probably do, you are giving it to Karaku. Not exactly a very picky eater, as long as he can gain pleasure for it...

But besides that, you watches sleep, you even got to pet softly his head without waking him up, for a while you did fear the he would. It's so real it almost feels like it isn't, you feared it wouldn't be for a long time due Karaku's nature as a Blood Demon Art. He should not have pwned a soul to begin with, and you have no idea how he managed to reincarnate with the rest of the clones, but he did. And you are glad, so glad part of you considers keeping him there forever. Karaku would not suffer living in bed, in the past he enjoyed the times you took over a house after eating the residents, rolling in bed and messing around between sessions, letting you spoil him rotten. The would be some playful complains of being bored without your company, since he gad nothing to do, but Karaku always adores a lot of attention.

"Good morning." You speak only after he stretched his arms, sitting on the beddings, eyes still tired, even if he has slept a lot. He slowly yawns and stretches, waking up at his own pace as he groans, rubbing his eyes and neck, whining and flinching every time he touches a bitemark. After a few seconds that he also grabs his head, he takes a deep breath before talking. "Sorry, I think I drank too much last night, I don't even remember your name.... mine if we introduce each other again?" You both do, as you hand him his breakfast, he smiles as he grabs the bun and cold tea. "Thanks." Curtains protect you from the sun, so you keep yourself relaxed.

Then he check his mini-picture box, then suddenly stands up alarmed as he looks for his clothes on the floor. "Oh, shit! Sekido's been calling me, he's gonna be so mad! Sorry handsome, I must go home!" You can't follow him as Karaku leaves in a hurry, but thankfuly, he comes back a few weeks later, on a weekend night. He has some bandages on the neck and smells like medical lotions, he looks a bit ashamed. "Hey, sorry I left like that, I didn't even give you my number and couldn't find you in social media, but I really liked that night together, even if you fucked me up." He laughts about it before murmuring "I looked as if you were trying to eat me."

You only look at him while you hide from the sun in a corner, as Karaku gets close. "You were. Weren't you." The tone changes completely as he frowns. "... You know what I am?" You ask after a pause, the expresion in his face softens up, but he is still weary. "I searched for you, but when I did the research based on location, I only found news of missing people. Some memories of that night started clipping together, telling me that it wasn't that I drank too much. You just aren't human." He talks a lot, and you listen, you always enjoyed listening to him.

"Then why come directly to me at night? Aren't you afraid I might do something to you?" You stand up and walk around Karaku, being slow to not stratle him or scare him, but make specific movements that show a bit of your nature. He doesn't relent, even as he finds himself cornered, hands in his pockets. "Would you believe me if I said the sex was good?" As a first motive yes, but with his new information... Karaku is not stupid, no matter what Sekido says, your husband can take care of himself and is aware of his doings. "And the second reason?" You lean into the wall against Karaku's back, using your arm to corner him, showing your eyes and fangs.

"Because I know you like me too. So, I come to you, and you don't get into my life near my family and friends. Deal?" He stretches his hands, and for a second you feel like those tales where spirits make deal with mortals, usually tricking them. But you have no reason to trick or lie to Karaku. "Let me take care of you, come here weekly, you won't regret it." And you close the deal.

That interaction made clear that the other clones would come first, which is something weird but acceptable, specially since Karaku continues to visit. And you continue to treat both your husband and yourself. He might stop coming one day, once he grows to old to keep up with you, but until then, he is all yours. And you will take your husband.

Urogi:

The smell of joy lures you in.

You found him sleeping on a tree beside a bird nest, with a book of birds and a notebook that he was salivating under his face. You can see it clearly from below, and you are well aware... the branch he is on will not tolerate your weight, it's a miracles he has tolerated him. Or so you thought until you jumper and grabbed him. He is so light. He used to weight a lot more in the past, now he feels like a feather of his wings... then again, he doesn't have wings anymore. 2 limbs less... of course he weights less. It's... you don't like it. It feels as if Urogi was mutilated, eternaly so, as if someone cut his wings and the never grew back. You don't like it.

Yo treat him softly as he hugs you in his sleep, getting himself all over you and drooling still. You pet the back of his head, smelling him, inhaling the scent of wildness and several hormones that make joy, that is still in him, thankfully. But you do miss the talons and fands, usually urogi would rip off the skin on your back while sleeping like this, head burried in your thighs, but no. Nothing. You can't imagine an Urogi that doesn't play wild and hurts things on the process, and Urogi that is naturally gentle and soft instead of having to be extra careful to be gentle and soft. Still, you would not trade having him with you for anything.

Once there is only an hour left for the sun to rise, you decide to cup his face and lick his cheeks, he always enjoyed that sort of animalistic care, and the fact that he is giggling let's you know that hasn't changed. He wakes up slowly, and it takes him a few seconds to flinch and draw back, realizing his situation as he blushes. Cute. Back then Urogi knew little about shame, but it seems that now is easier to get him embarrassed. That is new.

"Hey... hey... sorry, what happened?" He is clearly clueless, but it usually never bothered him to be like that. "You fell asleep." You tell him simply, and he looks around not knowing ehat to say or how to say it. This level of awareness in Urogi is weird. "Don't think too much about it, it's alright. I don't mind. You don't have to "behave" around me." Sakido always said Urogi had to behave better, yes, but you genuinely never minded. You were always happy with your husband being himself, and slowly he relax, believing what you are saying. He has always been distracted and you can see he is tired in his eyes, just waking up, so that amd the darkness probably don't let him realize that you are not human. "Let me take you home." Does this count as abusing that?

But he dows let you take him home, and since then you go there every night, evading the rest of the clones only to see him, jumping through the window and talk with him. Urogi is lively, as he talks about his restrictions that are imposed as an individual of a society and damn, it does sounds boring. You can't imagine having to adapt to the like of a crowd, and yet humans willingly subject themselves to that. Until now Sekido and Zohakuten (yes, the boy is also here) have almost discovered you, but... you are enjoying being Urogi's secret, being a part of him that doesn't belong to anyone else.

"What are you exactly? I know you won't hurt me, but you never are around in daylight, you have fangs and claws, and I don't think I ever daw you eat or drink anything." He asks one night. "Aren't you afraid of the answer?" You ask softly, being the first time he confronted you, and the fact that he is doing it so relaxed, it seems weird. This time not in Urogi standards, but in human ones. "Not really. I think you are a nice guy. I mean, you could have hurted anyone here with those traits of yours, and yet, you are always careful and gentle." ... You have no idea if he should know about your diet now. You also have no idea if you should be glad he is as trusting as back then or to worry about it. As a demon, Urogi could afford to be trusting, if anything happened he would heal. Right now? He could get hurt, and badly.

"From now on, I will take care of you and protect you." You don't feel the need to tell anything else to him, Urogi has always been a demon more of actions than words, more as an animal than a person. You always loved him like that. You think he understand what you mean, as you keep nuzzling him, licking him and cuddling with him, and the taste and scent he has is just wonderful. But... with the lack of wings you don't dare to hurt him, because part of you feels something is wrong still. You can't get used to see him like this and probably never will.

Still, you continue to visit and take care of him as you promise. You have no idea what he told the others and honestly, you don't care, he is yours and you are his. And he starts to grow, he buys his own house one day, after some years of work, the others still visit him but besides those days, you stay with him in his new house all the time. Half of the place is nitty and well taken care of, half of it is a mess for you both. Dirt, plants and other onjects making it feel more wild, more Urogi's taste. You really wish you could give him back his demons form, specially his wings everytime he looks at birds. He deserves to fly, to be free, but.... how are you supposed to risk him?

The guilt of his new state doesn't wash out ever, you are always too gentle with him, to the point you doubt he will ever find out about your true nature. The one that wants to bite, to scratch the same way it wants to be bitten snd scratched. But you want him, and you will take him anyway you can.

"I love you." He tells you frequently, and you always answer to that. "I love you too, my Baby Bird." You repreat as you watch him grow old. Maybe one day you might build enough courage to tell him you could turn him... maybe. For now, the constant smell of joy is enough to cheer you up.

Aizetsu:

The smell of sorrow lures you in.

Aizetsu looks so cute sleeping, you had to use the other clones to find him, since he doesn't go out at night. Not ever, since he usually takes care of Zohakuten (that's weird, Zohakuten of all demons needing a babysitter. Then again, he is not the most powerful clone of Upper Four anymore, but a child.) while Sekido tries to keep Urogi and Karaku out of trouble. It's not that different from back then, Aizetsu hated going outside and separating to fight, you are well aware having you made him more eager to have his own being, only to be with you. He has always been a sweet little thing.

He looks so vulnerable, and now that you watch him sleep, a traitorous part of you whispers temptations of touching and grabbing his skin, just to feel the contact, but beyond that, to sink your teeth on him. You want to put your mouth all over Aizetsu, to lick him, to nibble him, to kiss him and to bite him, everything you always did as you hug him and hold him. He is so beautiful, it almost feel like a sin to not take advantage as your instincts urge you. But you don't you only watch him, wondering if you should wake him up or continue to watch him like this.

Zohakuten has almost catched you a few times, it doesn't really surprise you, you know who he used to be. You still find it weird. How are they all of them alive? They are a Demon Blood Art, they should not have owned a soul to reincarnate with, and yet, here they are. Could it be Hantengu's soul fragmented? Is that even possible? It's not like you could ask, nowadays the world relies less in the spiritualism and more on the technoly and production. Not that it bothers you, it means the slayers are gone for good, as they should be. Still, sometimes you wonder what would happen if you gave Aizetsu a bit of your blood as he sleeps, to make him back as he used to be... but with this new condition, it might not work, but there is no day you don't think about it.

One night, as you get inside Aizetsu's room... you notice he is awake, but pretending to be asleep. His heartbeats and breaths tell you as much. For a time, you wonder if you should leave, but... you don't, you stay and even become more daring, as you pat his head softly. You can feel him tense up, then easing up, still wanting to pretend to be asleep. You don't keep it for too long, you even leave earlier than usual, but... you want to have Aizetsu getting used to you, and the idea you are not going to hurt him, but you are not leaving either.

"Who are you?" He asks one night, almost whispering, as he acts as if he was still pretending to be asleep, covered by the mattress in the beddings. "My name is Y/N." Is all you say, you can tell he is upset, has no idea what to do or what to say. "... What do you want from me?" He says after some seconds of silence in that same tone, and you also wait to answer. You want to say a lot, but also nothing at all. Because most of what happened, the fact that you both lost everything, hurts. You know he will pity you, that is his nature, and you don't want him to. You want him to love you, or at least accept you.

"I am someone who always wants to see you and cherish you." Is all you say, and both of you keep quiet. Pther nights you had to leave for Aizetsu to be able to sleep, not being able to relax enough with your presence. This time? He falls asleep with you there, and you can't fight the temptation of kissing his ear. It might not even be that he trusts you, but him being exhausted. Still, it makes you happy, for him to be able to let his guard down for you. You love this man, your husband, and you will find several ways to tell him that.

You keep it up, he asks questions, still hiding under the bed. Sometimes he answers yours, but he needs to form courage to actually face what you are. That, or he still needed to settle with the idea, since you are sure he doesn't believe in spirits. "What are you? And answer me for real. Don't tell me anything cheesy or creepy. What the hell are you?" He asks, and you don't really know how to say everything you need to explain it. After a few seconds of silence, he gets impatiend and finally sits on the bed, completely showing his face, a sleepy yet upset face no less. You look at him, his eyes don't glow in the dark, and only the pupil is blue...

"I'm a demon." Like he used to be, that only makes him more upset. "That doesn't exist." Is frustrating how he is denying the obvious, you are not human, and he knows that already. You sit in the bed besides him, making sure to show your fangs as you open your mouth to speak. "I am a demon, and your husband." You say everything, and honestly? By the end of it, Aizetsu is crying. You have no idea if it's because of the frustration of the situation, if it is because he pities you or if it's just a reaction because he is tired and always sad, since he was always sad before. You just hug him, and start to kiss his face and lick his tears up.

You end up pinning him into the bed, cuddling with him until Aizetsu falls asleep. You keep doing this, but from now on is Aizetsu who talks, who says what he is feeling before breaking into tears and let you comfort him until he falls asleep. He seems better, less sad each time, and you don't know how to feel about that. And yet, you always take care of him, and you will until he dies. The say he buys his own home, you get in and never get out.

"I am yours and you are mine." You whisper against his sken as he sleeps over you, you will continue to take care of him until he dies. Then... you will go back to the nothing but loss you had of life before meeting him again. Loss in a world that is changing while you are alone. Like Aizetsu always said, it's... so sad, pathetic... it makes you sad. But you will live.

[allandoflimbo]

Ashens (Part 36)

Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Rating: M for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy and angry sex. Major character death, mentions of suicide. Bucky and Reader are toxic in this but also very much in love. Heavy on the angst, and very strong language. 

++ +

Full story here:

ASHENS MASTERLIST

The next morning came around, promising new beginnings and better health. He could feel it the second he woke up. He no longer felt fatigued or aching.

Later in the shower, Daisy's shower, he noticed the green in his arm was now gone too.

Stepping back into his guest room, he reaches across the bed to grab the clean grey t-shit. He slides it on and then makes his way out of the bedroom. What he doesn't expect to see at door is a pair of little eyes looking up at him.

"Hey, Sophie." He says gently with a soft smile.

"Mommy says breakfast is ready. Bloose is aweady at the table." She pulls on one of the toy rabbit's ears and walks away.

"Thank you. I'll be right there."

Bucky takes in a deep breath before he makes his away into the main area.

Just like Sophie had said, Bruce is at the dining table eating what looks like a bowl of cereal. mundane.

He doesn't know how to feel about it.

Daisy looks up from her own plate, mid conversation with Bruce, and meets Bucky's eyes.

She smiles.

"James. Please sit." She motions towards the chair next to her and across from Bruce, "I made us some eggs and bacon."

Eggs and Bacon.

Bucky clears his throat as he pulls out his chair and sits down. He eyes the abundance of food in front of him with a noticeable scowl.

Daisy frowns.

"You alright?" Bucky huffs. He meets Bruce's gaze.

"How are you feeling? Better than yesterday? The green was mostly gone yesterday." Bruce says.

"A lot better. I think it's out of me. The green is completely gone. I feel great." Bucky says quickly.

He just wanted to go home.

"That's great. You should eat." His eyes flicker to Daisy's once more.

He looks down at the plate of eggs in front of him and takes a spoon full.

They were pretty good.

"Are you sure you're ready to come with us?" Bucky asks once he swallows all his food.

"We are. I already spoke to Sophie. This place is not safe for my family, or many other families for that matter. I know that. I also need to be with my son as soon as I can. I want to find refuge and start over with the right people. Whatever you guys decide to do, I want to be there along the way. If you let me."

"This town you told us about — Doma—" Bruce starts quietly, dabbing the edge of his lips with a napkin, "just how certain are you of this place?"

"Completely and faithfully certain. I was with them on their talks. I know the ins and outs of it all. That's how I knew how to un-bug everything so me and Sophie could be safe and undetected for since Ashen's death."

Bucky runs a hand up his face, and decides to sharply change the subject.

"Are we good to leave tonight since I'm feeling better?" He asks.

"Buck—" Bruce starts.

"I need to get back. As nice as this," he motions to the table in front of him dramatically, "is, I need to be with our friends. We need to be back at camp, planning what to do next—"

"We will, tomorrow morning."

"Tonight. I need to be with my girl." He says.

"And you will be. Tomorrow."

The rest of the day goes by slowly. Bucky hates it. He just wants it to end so he can go back to you. Before sundown, they start packing. Bucky tells Daisy they should only bring a backpack, and they pack accordingly. After their things are set to go for the next day, Daisy starts prepping some tea before bed.

"How far along did you say she was? In her pregnancy I mean." She asks as she pours the hot liquid into the cup.

He frowns. He looks over at her to see the good light of the island fixture illuminating her face.

Bucky clears his throat.

"We think maybe two or three months, but we aren't too sure, why?"

A strange look is on her face but she just nods.

"I'm not sure if it would be the same in her case, but when I was pregnant, because of the serum, it made the fetus develop twice as fast in the womb. When I had given premature birth, at almost five months, they said that Ashens was the size of a nine month old developed baby."

She hesitantly meets his eyes and Bucky feels his stomach drop.

"You think she'd go into labor sooner?"

"If the baby has the serum too, because of you, yes."

Bucky didn't even think about that. His baby having his serum. He doesn't have time to process any of what Daisy was saying before the pouring stops.

"Come with me." She says.

She leads him into her bedroom,

She flicks on the lights and Bucky watches as she walks over to two backpacks on the floor.

"I know you said only pack one but I hope you could allow an extra carry on." She hands him the smaller beige backpack and motions for him to open it.

He does.

The emotions that fill him are one of gratitude as he sees some spare baby clothing, a baby bottle, and a baby blanket.

"Dasiy..."

"There should be four onesies in there. Infant size to about a year old. Hopefully that will hold you guys over long enough until we are at Doma."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. These are necessities. I wished I had diapers but I haven't had to buy any in a few years. I included a small rag in there. Maybe that's enough. I'm sorry if it's not —" she's cut off as he brings her in for a tight hug.

"Thank you, Daisy."

[goldfyshie927]

10, 12, 14, 15, 18, 19! and for 20 — out of all the stories you've written, which one are you most proud of?

This got kinda long so it's gonna be below a read more, but thank you so much for asking!

10. How do you get around a writer’s block, if anything?

Already answered this one here :)

12. What is one character you love but rarely/never write? 

Jinx. She's just so tricky to me. Love her so much, but I just struggle with her voice!

14. What is your go-to ‘self-indulgent’ genre of writing (such as comfort, angst, enemies to friends, etc.)?

Enemies to lovers or friends to lovers for sure. I just love the progression from one stage of a relationship to another. Also smut. I think it's definitely my comfort area, which is why I have hardly any fics rated less than E.

15. What two characters did you never expect to work together?

Answered this one here :)

18. What is one theme/storyline/idea you wish to write but never have?

Honestly, I rarely hold back on stories I want to write. I guess, I have a couple of ideas about really toxic, unhinged pairings that I want to write but have been a little nervous delving into given the way people reacted to CaitJinx (which all things considered is pretty tame for a rare pair......) but I'm still gonna write them and post them eventually!

19. What is one story idea you have in your head right now?

Answered here

20. Free slot, ask your own question here. Out of all the stories you've written, which one are you most proud of?

I'm giving you a few because these are the ones I'm most proud of.

You Know You'd Look Good in My Hand will always have a very special place in my heart. It was my first real long fic and one that had an unexpectedly good response for a rare pair. It also almost netted me a novel contract (but that's a story for another time..... 👻)

lover, will you look at me now? i'm already dead to you was me delving into really messy situations (aka cheating and how it affects people and relationships and all of that) and I have really loved writing it.

hollow bones and birdsong which is my hate-fucking, enemies to lovers, caitjinx series and it is super special to me. i still want to complete it; i have an idea of where i want it to go and just have to get there.

heart rhythms is my fic with the most likes, bookmarks, and hits. I wasn't expecting the response it got, but god it made me happy to write it and then see people respond the way they did about it. I've had people draw art for it, write fics inspired by it, and so many people have reached out to let me know what it meant to them. There's something really freeing about letting go of angst and letting yourself lean into joy and I guess others felt that way too!

writers asks

[boxofbadaddiction]

Those Three Little Words

Fred Weasley x Reader

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List.

Prompts: 10 & 11

"Until I was 25, I thought the only response to 'I love you' was 'Oh, crap!'"/"Ah, Humour based on my pain. Aha-ha-ha."

Warnings: Swearing (per usual). Anxiety. Toxic Family. Emotional Trauma(?). Angsty. Post-War.

The War had been a sick wakeup call for Fred. He'd lived his life carefree and reckless, as he figured each day were a given. Mess up today it didn't matter because there was always tomorrow. He would strut through life as if he were invincible because, well, he always seemed that way. But death has a funny way of reshuffling ones priorities. A way of shedding light on what truly matters in your life.

Fred never considered himself as someone who lacked ambition. Frankly George and he never seemed to let anything hold them back. However, these days Fred could very well give Slytherins a run for their money - something George frequently teased him about. If there were something he wanted Merlin himself couldn't get in his way.

Not only in the case of work but his personal life as well. In love. And there was only one woman on Earth he loved. [Y/N].

He knew he loved her before the war. Before Umbridge drove him from Hogwarts in their final year. Before she left him.

It was only shortly prior, the boys epic departure, that [Y/N] had made the decision to call it quits. She knew their lives were destined to pull them in opposite directions and she never put much stock in long distance relationships. So, with a final kiss and a wish good luck, she walked out of his life. Albeit not completely.

After graduation she kept loosely in touch with the Twins, they had been friends after all, even visiting their shop on the off occasion when she could swing it. Although she was often far too busy to stay for long. Eventually she was relocated overseas for work, this officially terminating any of the limited contact had between the three.

The next time they would be in each others presence was the ill-fated battle.

[Y/N] had been keeping tabs on the events leading up to the fight. Even engaging in missions on behalf of the Order when necessary. She had proved quite a valuable asset. In the days before all Hell broke loose [Y/N] returned to Britian on 'urgent family matters' and of course she fought.

When Fred saw her again after so many years the rush of feelings that coursed through his body were nearly enough to knock him off balance. She was still so gorgeous. The [E/C] of her eyes reminding him just how deeply he loved her. Just how much he needed her. And he knew. Just knew she felt the same.

He saw it in the little things she did for him. Saw it in the tears of her eyes. In the way she broke down in his Hospital room when he finally woke, a fortnight, after his accident. Heard it in the tremble of her voice. In her 'I thought I lost you's. In the way she clung to him. He was so relieved she was okay and so happy to finally have her back in his life. Until suddenly...she wasn't anymore.

Recovery was Freds life now, but that wasn't hers. She was still needed elsewhere and as much as he wished she would stay he knew she couldn't. She still had a life left living. It were a miracle she managed to stay as long as she had. So...she left. And he wouldn't see her again for years. Six. To be exact.

Recovery had taken years from Fred. It was two and a half years before he could consider himself independent. After all that time wasted he wasn't about to let anything stand in his way. So when news carried to his ears that [Y/N] was back living in London, permanently, that after six years he could see her again, there was nothing holding him back.

In a second he'd apparated to her doorstep. Knocking on the withered wood door. Listening to the faint patter of approaching footsteps. Hearing the gentle click of the locks tumblers as they turned. Watching the steady swing of the door as it opened. Feeling the prick of burning tears behind his eyes as he stared back into her questioning gaze. Pulling her body into his as their lips collided. Relishing in the warmth that spread through his blood as she kissed back. Clung back. Loved him back. Everything he poured into her she gave right back. He swore right in that moment that he'd never let her go again. They'd wasted so much time already.

Over a year later the two could not have been deeper in love. She'd moved into the boys flat mere months after he appeared at her door. It's what Fred wanted, and Fred always gets what he wants.

Fred and Georges business had picked up quite quickly after the war. Fred insisted George begin work on the restorations while he recovered. Saying he wanted everything back in full swing by the time he was upright, to pick right back where he left off. George was sure he simply didn't fancy cleaning it himself and saw recovery as a pretty convenient excuse. Fred didn't deny his brothers claim.

They'd managed to open a second store in Hogsmead and were currently renovating the original store. Expanding the flat and lower levels. This saw the three residents temporarily relocating to the Burrow for a few days as the work was completed. Molly had insisted, saying the house were 'far too quiet' for her liking. Which was hard to believe as Ron and Hermione and Ginny and Harry all currently lived there. Of course Bill and Fleur, as well as Percy had all moved out ages ago, and Charlie was back living in Romania. Still, it beats paying accommodation elsewhere. And they couldn't deny that spending time back in their childhood home was enjoyable. It felt warm and safe and familiar, like the war had never happened and they were all just spending time together as a family.

As dinner approached on their third day home [Y/N] and Harry could be found helping prepare tonights meal, under the careful instruction of Mrs Weasley, while the rest sat comfortably within the sitting room fondly reminiscing their times spent together just like they were now.

The group were laughing haughtily at a certain memory George had recalled in which [Y/N] turned Rons entire bedroom hot pink with the Twins 'Everlasting Dye', after he thought it'd be funny to turn her hair a similar shade. Much like [Y/N]'s hair the dye hadn't faded for well over a fortnight as the Twins found the whole thing all too funny and refused them the instant remover.

"God, I love her." Fred smiled brightly at the memory, "I'm going to marry that woman." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Sure she likes you that much?" Ginny quipped.

"Certain, dear Sister." Ginny simply nodded a look of uncertainty on her face. "What's that look for?" "Nothing." "Ginny." "well it's just...she doesn't really say it much does she?" "'Course she does. What are you on about?" "I just don't think I've ever actually heard her say she loves you before." "It's not like you're 'round us 24/7 now is it?" Fred scoffed, shaking off his sisters comment.

George meanwhile was staring towards the ceiling, brows furrowed as he contemplated Ginnys words deeply before letting out a low "hmmp" as realisation struck.

"Oh, what now?" Fred rolled his attention toward his Twin. "Nothing it's just I can't think of a time I've heard her say it either." Ginny had a look of 'I told you so' blatantly obvious on her face while Ron and Hermione thought hard on the topic as well. Freds gaze shifted quickly between his gathered family.

"Oh, so what if you've never heard it. Point is I have. And I know she loves me so it doesn't matter. But if you all must! Here," he leant back in his chair calling into the kitchen "Hey, [Y/N/N]!" "Yeah, Freddie?" She walked toward him with a loving smile. "I love you" [Y/N]'s smile faded instantly as she raised a suspicious brow, "What'd you do?" "What!?" Fred asked shocked as the eavesdroppers giggled. "No. Nothing, really! I just wanted to tell you I love you." "Oh...well I know that" she smiled, kissing him softly. Fred gave her an expectant look as she stood back. "...what?" "you love me too, yeah?" "Of course I do." There was a determination behind her words. Almost as if she were insulted by his question, to which the answer were painstakingly obvious. She soothingly ran a hand through his hair, "I've got to get back in there and help your Mother before Harry burns everything." She joked, placing a final quick kiss to his lips. He watched her leave a giddy smile on his face before turning back to his nosey family.

"See. Told you." He laid back in his seat confidently. The group all shared tight lipped, awkward, smiles. "Oh, what?!" "It's just she didn't really say it, did she?" George spoke. "Yeah she did. I asked her and she said 'yes'. End of conversation." "But she didn't actually say the words; 'I love you'." Ginnys voice intervened. "She doesn't have to." "Shouldn't it be sort of automatic?" "Like you and Harry say it every time." He rolled his eyes. "Pretty much" Ginny nodded, earning an unconvinced scoff from her brother. "Here, watch."

Ginny mirrored Freds earlier movements, calling to the kitchen, "Hey, Harry!" "Yeah, Gin?" Harry came to his fiancès call. She smiled up at him sweetly, "I love you". Harry looked around the group a little uncomfortable and unsure but smiled nonetheless. "I love you too" he placed a quick kiss to her temple. "Right, that's all I wanted you can go now." Ginny turned back in her chair as Harry walked away very confused.

"Automatic." She gestured widely with her hands, a triumphant look on her face. "Oh piss off." Fred scowled. "Doesn't matter if she 'says the words' or not. I know she loves me. Doesn't bother me." "Good for you, Freddie." Ron spoke encouragingly. "So you're on my side?" "Absolutely!" "It wouldn't bother you if Hermione never-" "oh GOD no! She has to say the words. I need the reassurance." He looked up to his girlfriend, who in turn lovingly took his hand in hers.

"Alright. So it's a little strange. But I bet I can have her saying it before we leave." "In four days?" George questioned, sceptical. "Yep. I'll make her." "How romantic. With charm like that it's a wonder why she hasn't said it already." His Twin chuckled. "Why don't you just talk to her about it? Maybe there's a reason." Hermione piped. "Nah. My ways better." Fred shook his head, tapping his knees lightly as he thought.

And so began, what Fred would soon discover to be, the most difficult challenge he'd ever attempted.

It started out simply enough; with a few added 'I love you's here and there. Whether the moment called for it or not. Although after the war Fred had become notably more vocal in expressing his love towards family and friends, he kicked it up a notch in an attempt to coax those very words from the mouth of his partner. Quickly escalating to more grand and romantic gestures.

The first was a ridiculously large bouquet of vividly yellow roses. Moving onto a private picnic for two atop the Hill which rested behind the Burrow. At sunset he had dragged [Y/N] from the home to where he laid a blanket and candles, with soft music playing in the background, as well as having organised a platter of all their favourite foods. Ending the meal rather...intimately. During which he was sure to further praise her and whisper sweet, loving words in her ear. Telling her just how much he loved her.

His constant showering of affection had granted him plenty of appreciation in return. His words always being met with the usual "I do too"s and "Me too"s even a couple "Dittos" they always had, though he was yet to receive any "I love you"s. Which hadn't bothered him before, but now was proving to be mildly infuriating and very disheartening, really.

Failure wasn't something Fred was used to anymore. To think he was unable to get his long term partner to say those three little words was quickly making him uncomfortable.

By the fourth and final morning, since setting himself this little challenge, Fred was spent. He was sure he'd tried everything. Grand gestures. Romantic dates. Surprise kisses. Great sex. He had even seriously considered proposing, as a last resort. But these were not the circumstances in which he wanted to do so under, when he did he wanted it to be perfect. Maybe the Imperius - NO! no. Too drastic.

Why was nothing working? Suddenly Ginnys amusing quip wasn't so funny anymore and struck a vein far too close to home. Was it possible he was wrong and she simply didn't feel the same way?

All manner of sickeningly worrisome thoughts began to flood through his mind as he lay awake. He starred at the woman he loved so fiercely, so passionately, he could swear she were the only reason his heart kept bleeding.

He watched her as she slept peacefully, tucked tight against his chest, whilst he absent-mindedly stroked her hair, contemplating a reality which he much rather never come true. One in which she didn't love him.

He used to be so sure but now...now he was terrified. He'd never thought much on what form his Boggart would assume if he ever were to face one. He knew in this moment though that is exactly what shape it would take. Her.

She'd approach him slowly. An evil grin and amused brow raised upon her features. She'd tell him what a fool he was. How stupid he was to ever think a woman like her could love a boy like him. That she only stayed with him out of pity. How humiliated and desperate he seemed that day on her doorstep. How it would have been better if he had just given up, never fought to survive after the explosion. How much better it'd have been if he just died in War. She could have found real love, lived a happy life away from the embarrassing one she led with him in it.

Tears burned red in the whites of his eyes as his chest shuddered with every quickened and panicking breath he took. His heart thundering in his ears as the room began to spin. He was suffocating. Sweat streamed down his temples. He had to get out. Escape.

Sliding as quickly and carefully as he could from beneath the covers without disturbing the sleeping woman in his bed, he took for the shower. Praying the steam would unfog his mind. That the water would wash away his doubts and anxiety.

The whole time he tried to rationalise why [Y/N] wouldn't say the words. Reassuring himself that it didn't matter. Shouldn't matter. He left the bathroom long after the water had run cold feeling only moderately better than when he'd entered. At least now he had a modicum of control over his body. His emotions on the other hand...

He slowly descended the steps of his childhood home, face emotionless, to the sound of light chatter and clinking of various dishes. Everyone was already gathered around the table eating breakfast.

"Ah, there you are!" George announced as Fred entered the kitchen, "clean now are we? Thought you'd must have drowned in there." He joked. Fred offered a light chuckle and forced smile as he sat himself between his Twin and partner. "What's this the wake then?"

[Y/N] leant into his side, placing a kiss to his cheek as her hand traced circles on his lower back. "Morning, Hun" she murmured tenderly, chin resting against his shoulder as she peered up at him. He didn't look at her, simply humming in response. His hand briefly came to squeeze her thigh before quickly retracting. This did little to evoke a sense of ease within his significant other.

Over the eighteen months they'd shared together [Y/N] had long since become accustomed to his dramatic morning greetings. Usually, as they'd wake up together, it'd involve him peppering her face and neck in countless kisses before joining George for breakfast. On days when they'd wake to find themselves alone under the covers, the other having obviously awoke long ago, he'd surprise her. Lifting her off her feet and spinning her through the air then, placing her back down, kissing her deeply.

The only times she'd seen him like this were nights when his dreams had been plagued with flashbacks from the Battle. She assumed he'd slept peacefully. He hadn't had any nightmares in months and would usually, unintentionally, wake her during them. "You okay, Freddie?" "Yeah."

Totally convincing.

The rest of the day Fred was cold. To everyone but [Y/N] especially. He was having difficulty even looking at her. She'd tried talking with him but he insisted there was nothing the matter. Didn't keep her from worrying.

After dinner everyone moved into the lounge, engaging in various bits of conversation. Everyone aside from Fred. No one was sure when he'd disappeared but his absence was noted nonetheless. [Y/N] was the one to search for him. Found standing within the garden over looking the sunset.

She could see the discontent held in his body, the way he stood so rigid. The hollow expression on his features, completely devoid of any emotion. It hurt her seeing him this way.

"Hey, You." She spoke hesitantly. Fred turned at the sound of her voice. Watching her standing tentatively before him as if unsure whether or not her presence was welcome. "Hey, You" he smiled sadly back, his frame visibly relaxing at the sight of her. "We're all missing you in there. What are you doing out here all by your lonesome?" [Y/N] said softly as she approached him, arms snaking around his waist. His hands fell to her lower back and pulled her into his body ever more so. "Just needed a bit of quiet to think" "'Think', huh?" He hummed in response. "That's never good" she grinned making him laugh lightly. "No, it isn't." He placed a slow kiss to her lips.

Breaking it shortly after as he teased, "So, you missed me?" "Every second you're not by my side I do." He rested his forehead against hers, their eyes falling shut contently. Fred exhaled comfortably,"I love you" "I do too" [Y/N] replied. "What love you?" Fred straightened himself with a cheeky expression on his face which was mirrored on that of his partners. "Stop it." "I'm serious." "You know what I mean" "Do I?".

[Y/N] had another quip ready on the tip of her tongue until noticing that cheery look he held had vanished and they were no longer standing in one anothers embrace. Her face dropped at the sight if a completely serious Fred Weasley stood in front of her. Awaiting the answer to a question she didn't fully understand. "Whats gotten into you?" She took a step toward him, to which, he took one back. "Do you love me?" "Of course I do!" "Then why don't you say it?" "I don't know what you're -" "you never say it." "I just did." "No, you agreed to a question I asked." "It's the same thing." "It's not."

The two were practically talking on top of one another. "Just...say it." He took a step towards her, to which, she took one back. "If I say it now it'll be forced and it may as well not mean anything." "Why can't you just say it!?" He snapped, more asking himself the question than her. But he needed to ask. He wasn't yelling at her but a part of [Y/N] wished he would. "I know you love me. Or at least I thought I did. I just...I need to hear you say it because sometimes I can't help but wonder - please just. Say it." Staring into her eye's pleadingly, hers stared right back in apology. "Fred..." "Forget it." He turned from her. "Fred, baby" her hand reached for his shoulder as his own ran through his hair in frustration whilst his jaw clenched. "I can't. I can't be near you right now." He shook his head, storming off towards the Hill. Ignoring her frantic, begging calls.

[Y/N] stood rooted to the spot from shock. This was one of the first fights the pair had had, and she wasn't even sure what brought it on. There'd been minor squabbles between them out of stress from work or other things but never something like this. They had such an open relationship it never got to this point, any concerns either held was always voiced and discussed. Why was this time different?

As she watched his figure slowly disappear amongst the dark as night was soon to fall, she made her decision. This time wasn't going to be different. They were going to talk about it whether he cared to or not. Even if that meant her admitting somethings she'd very much hoped never have to. So, she set off after him.

Fred stood with his back against the trunk of an old tree which grew tall on top the Hill. One hand in his pocket as the other ran his fingers over the markings carved into it's wood by the Weasley family. One engraving in particular. A relatively fresh one where he had carved [Y/N]s name next to his own last Christmas to "officially" mark her as apart of the family.

He recalled the moment vividly. How she questioned his actions, wondering if he'll still love her the same 'down the road', not to regret this decision. "Nah, you're right. I won't love you the same. I'll love you more." He'd said. "But the real question is; will you love me, or are you just going to break my heart?" To be honest. He truly hadn't expected the latter.

He was drawn from his thoughts by the approaching sound of footsteps. Turning his head he rolled his eyes upon realising it was her. "Not now." He growled. "Yes now." She shot back at him standing firm in place.

She'd planned a whole monologue on the walk to him but now that she was here, eyes meeting his, she hadn't a damn clue what to say.

"Until I was 25, I thought the only response to 'I love you' was 'oh, crap!'" She blurted out. Fred looked at her quizzically as the words settled in the air. [Y/N]'s eyes shut for a moment, kicking herself. That wasn't how she intended for the conversation to go. "I'm-I can't say the words" she began again to which Fred scoffed. "Yeah. I gathered that much." "Fred, just shut the fuck up, and listen to me!" Her stare shot daggers into the boy and he found his attention unwavering from her words.

"I didn't have a normal upbringing. I didn't get what you have. I came from a family where love was a weapon. A tool for manipulation. Something that was withheld until you were useful. Something used to excuse shitty behaviour. I didn't get the warm Christmases and intimacy you got. Before you I wasn't sure I knew what love was. My whole life had been cold. Then when you showed up at my door that day it was like hot blood began pumping through my body for the first time. You felt like life when my whole existence has been death. That's when I knew I couldn't live without you. When I knew that I...I can't say it. The words. But not just to you, I can't say them to anyone. It feels unnatural like there's a rope tied around my throat and it suffocates me. And it kills me a little bit. To look into your eyes and know that I - that I still can't - may never ... fuck. I-" [Y/N]s hand came to cover her eyes as tears fell and heartbroken sobs escaped her body.

Fred reacted on instinct, by her side in a second, pulling her into his chest. A hand gripped her back as the other fisted into her hair. "I'm sorry" she cried as he soothed her.

Fred was fighting sobs of his own, feeling as her body shudder against his and she clung to him for support. Because if she didn't her knees would buckle and she'd fall.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I-I had no idea this was...look at me." He held her shoulders taking half a step back to look at her. "I don't care if you never say the words." "But then why-" "I listened to the opinions of four prats who had no business sticking their noses in our relationship." [Y/N] chuckled sadly, wiping tears from her cheeks. "Before they said anything I honestly hadn't noticed because I knew, I know you love me. You don't have to tell me because you show me. It's in your kiss. In your eyes. Your laugh. Your nostrils as they flare when you yell at me after successfully pissing you off. Never be sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over nothing. Okay?" [Y/N] nodded in response, unable to form a sentence. Smiling sweetly his hand came to caress below her jaw."I love you." "Now you're just rubbing it in." Fred laughed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips.

He's pulling away before [Y/N]s pulling him back by the collar of his shirt for a deep and passionate one. Soon breaking in dire need for air.

Her chest is heaving as she catches her breath. His eyes fall shut, pressing his head against hers gently. [Y/N]s eyes are searching his face. Why can't she just tell him? The words, those three stupid little words, are right there tearing at her throat. Wanting to be said. This is real. He is not her parents, not her toxic 'family'. He's Fred. Sweet, caring Fred. Her one and only. He's different.

She swallows hard, mouth going dry, as that familiar tightening takes hold. Trying desperately to rid herself of that strangling sensation that plagues her a trillion times a day. She's staring at him, panic coursing through her bloodstream. Her eyes clench shut as she tries to muster as much strength as she can. "I-" the words are right there. Her voice barely a whisper as she fights that rope. "I love you." [Y/N] gasps for air as a knot in the rope snaps. Eyes widening as her chest shudders before she's smiling. Fresh tears falling in relief and joy.

Fred's eyes spring open, gawking. Did she just...is he-did he imagine that? No. There's no way. "You...you-" "I love you." Her voice louder this time, more assured as a second knot snaps. He doesn't know how to react. Body and mind still processing.

Soon though he's grinning like a madman, spinning her in his arms, feeling happier than he thought possible. Placing her back on the ground both hands cup her face as his lips crash into hers.

They stay like that for a while, in one anothers arms. [Y/N]s kissing him tenderly as she pulls back to whisper the words once more, "I love you." He smiles cockily down at her before his expression shifts to one of mock surprise. "Oh, crap!" he laughs as [Y/N] rolls her eyes. "Ah, Humour based on my pain. Aha-ha-ha. You're such a bastard." She turns to walk off but he grabs her arm. Spinning her back against his chest as his other hand comes to the nape of her neck.

"Not so fast, Princess." He licks his lips smirking, voice low "say it again." She bites her lip suppressing a wide smile. "I love you." He places one final kiss before a wicked grin spreads over his face and he's quickly throwing her over his shoulder.

"Come on, love!" He starts running for the Burrow. "FRED!" [Y/N] squeals. "No time to waste! I told them I'd have to saying it before we leave." "You...oh my god, FRED! Did you place a bet on me!? You absolute GIT!"

"Love you too, sweetheart."

[enigmawrappedinhypocrisy]

I've recently really gotten into your blog and I love how you write Barley, I'm very interested by the NSFW because I didn't expect this much love for him from the community! I wanted to request something NSFW if it's okay :)! I like the concept between fem reader and Barley ending up doing the deed in his van ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (Could I add that during this deed, Barley is very passionate and thorough as well as -not safe sex- 👀?) Thank you for your time, I look forward to your stories, take care! ❤️

Hey guess who totally didn’t forget about this sitting in my drafts 75% finished for a looooong time?!! Sorry

Okay… the nsfw things really take longer for me to come up with… it’s like… difficult for me to come up with something that doesn’t sound like bullet points or has bad pacing… 

Aand I could not come up with an opener for this… all I kept thinking of was the premise for the other time there was sexy times in Barley’s van… and I couldn’t do that twice… And i’m not sure what you mean by ‘very passionate’ so hopefully this works…

 Fandom: Onward

Pairing: Barley Lightfoot x Fem reader 

Warnings: NSFW! Badly written Smut, Fingering, unsafe sex, some cum talk I guess... kinda upsetting language in the beginning... 

❀✦ Master List✦❀

The day was warm and bright, your parents were having their annual summer party,

You were grateful Barley was there to help balance you, as the people invited tended to be a little… much...

Everything was okay for a while… you were able to avoid any uncomfortable discussions by spending a good amount of time in the kitchen ‘helping’ until your parents insisted you ‘join the fun’. 

It only took a few minutes before the conversation outside shifted to you...

A great aunt commented that, “you’d be pretty if you dropped the weight…” 

A cousin asked when you’re going to get married, and someone responded with something that sounded like “when she gets ‘in trouble’” 

Your mother’s friend told you she thought you should date her son instead of that “troublemaker you were dating”.

And then politics… 

It was very quickly becoming too much… and you needed out. 

-

Barley had been helping your parents and was mostly kept away from the toxicity, until you texted him. 

<Hiding in Guinevere :( > 

It didn’t take long for the back of the van to open revealing a concerned and slightly amused Barley. 

“What happened?” He climbs in, shutting the door behind him. 

You’re lying on the floor in the center of Guinevere. Barley joins you, on his side, facing you. His hand brushes some hair from your face. 

You huff but give him a quick recap of what happened. 

Barley frowns, “Want me to go talk to them? They shouldn’t be saying things like that...”

“No,” you sigh knowing that won't help…  

But then a thought wormed its way into your head. You try to hide the smile that flashes across your face as you reach up and pull Barley down to you. 

He smiles into the kiss, always happy to kiss you… and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed being affectionate with you throughout the day. You had both decided earlier to keep the ‘lovey stuff’ to a minimum around your family in order to avoid… well… basically what ended up happening anyway… 

When he was distracted you shifted your position so you were now on top of him. Barley’s hands instinctively move to your hips, “What are you doing?” he smiles up at you.

You return his smile with a smirk, before rocking your hips against his. 

“You know I’m always up for this but your family…” Barley blushes as you tug off your shirt.

It was if you didn’t care if you got caught… or maybe you wanted to… to show those people… something… your feelings were all jumbled at the moment and you’d decided to just go with them. Barley made you feel safe to share those kinds of feelings with. And you wanted him right now! In his van, on the curb, in front of your house. 

You lean down to nibble on his neck, whispering breathlessly to him that you don’t care, and “let them be miserable while we’re having fun” 

You reach back and quickly remove your bra, tossing it somewhere in the van. 

Barley chuckles, “as long as I get to say ‘told you so’ if we get caught.” 

“Deal” you lean back into a kiss, yelping when Barley retakes control. 

He knows you’re still a little upset by their words, even if you won’t admit it, and Barley was more than happy to take the opportunity to take care of you. 

He spends some time worshiping your body with his hands and mouth, sometimes nuzzling you playfully. He breathes soft words into your rapidly heating skin. Telling you how much he loves you, he wants to let you know how much he adores you, and your body.

Eventually he makes his way down to your waistline. Barley winks up at you playfully before pulling off your pants. He leans down and nips at your hip. 

You giggle and nudge him with your foot. 

He winks again before he works your panties down and off of you. Now you're fully nude in Barley's van… and he's not… You're about to bring it up when he brushes his hand along your slit. 

You glare at him, at his cheeky smile, 'cause he knows just what he’s doing. He knows you want him now, and his teasing is not helping satiate that need.  

The glare works, and Barley quickly continues, moving up your body to kiss you again. His hand continues to teasingly stroke along your folds, now moving with purpose and not just teasing. 

Once he felt you were distracted by the kiss he slips a finger into you, smiling when you moan into his mouth. Before long he adds a second finger,  stretching you, working you the way he knows you like. .

Pulling away slightly, Barley leaves some pecking kisses on your face, "You know I think you're beautiful, right?" He tells you, cheeks flushed. 

You bite your lip looking up at him, a little distracted by his fingers inside you. "You're wonderful," you tell him. 

"No you," Barley smiles, a little heart eyed. Before you could protest or add anything Barley hooks his fingers inside you unexpectedly, drawing out a surprised moan from you. 

He continues his fingering while he leans forward, and begins marking your neck. He wants you to be able to look in the mirror later and know he loves you. You might have said those words didn’t bother you… but Barley wanted to make sure… 

Your hands find their way into his hair, knocking his hat off in your haste, and gripping his hair.  

Brushing his thumb firmly over your clit he quickly brings you to your first orgasm. Your insides twitching around his thick fingers, eyes shut tight. Barley withdraws and allows you as much time as you need to recover. He just enjoys watching you in bliss, a little proud to be the one responsible for it. 

While you’re in your blissful post orgasmic state you find yourself keenly aware of the scents surrounding you. The cinnamon dragon shaped air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. The obvious musk of sex, and then Barley, above all else you can smell him. 

He’d made sure to dress up a little nicer, shave which made you a little sad, and wore the cologne you’d bought him for his birthday last year. The effort he’d put in to make a good impression filled your heart.  

How’d I get so lucky? you muse to yourself, hooking a leg around Barley's hip, drawing him closer to you. 

With a soft chuckle at your eagerness Barley leans forward, his forehead pressed against yours. “Someone’s eager” he teases, while already undoing his pants. 

“If you don't hurry up” you threaten with a hiss, but are unable to keep the smile from your voice while you do it. 

With your legs already wrapped around his waist Barley doesn’t have much room to move as he frees his cock from its fabric confins. He was plenty eager, himself, at this point, earlier reservations forgotten. Cock, standing tall, practically pulsing with anticipation. Barley didn’t know what he’d do If they were to be interrupted at this point, but as your hips buck against him all thoughts vanish the young elf’s mind.

He slips inside you with ease, your warmth already soaked from the earlier orgasm. Barley teases a little at first, starting with shallow thrusts, leaving you to chase after him. Your hips lift and tilt, trying to find the right angle to get him deeper, all the while Barley makes sure to keep just far enough away. The game doesn’t last long, however, as Barley soon finds the teasing too tough to take himself. 

With a hand on your hip he gives a sudden thrust, pulling you to him at the same time, bottoming out inside you with a whine. His face buried in your neck as he tries to keep his noises to a minimum, grinding against you lazily. 

Barley finds himself wondering how this can always feel like the best time… every time… always… but as you clench around him he’s pulled back into the moment. 

Drawing back Barley crashes his lips against yours in a brief heated kiss, before beginning a bruising pace. 

Your hands grip his arms as your head falls back, overwhelmed in pleasure. You’re rapidly approaching your second orgasm as Barley quickly finds and assaults a spot deep within you. A spot he’d long since learned, will cause you to see stars. 

Barley grips your thigh, and wraps an arm around your back, and with little warning he pulls you up and into his lap. From this angle he’s able to thrust up into you while you writhe, and clench above him. He keeps you against him for a bit, staying deep within your warm walls as he focuses on those places inside you again. 

It doesn’t take much more before you clench down on him, both on his cock and his neck, as your orgasm crashes upon you. 

This time Barley doesn’t allow you to come down from it as he takes your hips in a more solid grip, and begins lifting you again. Dragging your spasming cunt along his cock, he’s barely able to keep a rhythm, overwhelmed by chasing his own pleasure at this point. 

Barley repeatedly lets out your name in breathy whimpers. Not that he was really aware he was doing it. All the while you stroke his back, and moan encouragingly in his ear. 

Biting down on your shoulder, Barley holds you tightly to him as his own orgasm finally hits. His whole body shudders, as he cums deep within you.

It only takes a moment for you and Barley to realize the mistake you’d made. 

“Oops” you look up at him, biting your lip. You can already feel some of his cum leaking out of you around his now softening member. 

Once he realizes, however, Barley’s eyes go wide, he quickly begins to apologize. 

With a sympathetic smile you nuzzle into him, assuring him that it was okay, mistakes happen, and you’ll just need to stop at the drug store after the party. 

“Besides, it’s kinda hot” you tell him with a mischievous smirk, “being around those judgmental people, only you and I knowing why my underwear is all wet” 

It seems Barley didn’t know how to react, his ears flushing, a cum drunk smile stretching across his face. He wasn’t sure if he should be embarrassed or turned on, but a tone coming from your pants pulled him back to reality once again. 

He watches you pull away from him and scramble to get your phone. His nerves return once he sees your face. You looked like you’d been caught sneaking a cookie. 

“What?” 

“We should go to the store now” you bite your lip holding out the phone so Barley could see the text from your mother. 

<Hope you’re using protection LOL>

“Your mom uses ‘lol’? Barley teases. 

You glare at him over your shoulder, already in the process of redressing. 

“Okay, okay” Barley chuckles, readjusting his pants, and starting the van “but don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

Okay that’s all I got…  see you all in another 3 months... Sorry 

[keiscait]

hey, may i please request a bedroom matchup LOL 😏

she/her, bisexual (men over women (unless it's a big tittie goth gf)

sagittarius sun and virgo rising

ravenclaw 😏

sexual: i like being the top. call me mommy LOL. i also like being topped, i have a major knife kink 😏 im in charge most of the time, however it can change every now and then. when i'm the bottom i want my partner to spit in my mouth 🧎‍♀️ neck and ear bites plz 😏 i'm very vocal 👹👹

things i look for in a partner:

-LOYALTY!!1!1!2!2'

-has to have a good sense of humor

-chill

-very understanding

personality: i'm very outgoing and friendly to most people, but i keep my friend group small. i'm the loud friend of the group and i'm always trying my best to make my friends laugh. i say really weird things at the most random times and i often look really high so people think i'm on something. i'm a good leader though and take charge in the three sports i'm in. (i'm varsity captain in one of my sports!!)

appearance:

plans for future: i'm currently a senior in high school and i plan on going into the national guard or air force when i graduate :). the military will pay for college and i plan on either going into the criminal justice field or information technology field :p

music taste: literally everything except for country. you can catch me listening to dr dre, schoolboy q, blackstreet, and kendrick lamar one minute and then queen the next. i also love my female rap artists 👏👏 90s rock and rnb are also a must. i listen to 00's club music on a regular 😏

Hello and welcome, my dearest Bri! AND ADVANCED HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Wish I could bake you a cake, but all I can do is send some love (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* Let’s get right to it then! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who we have here, hon!

Suna Rintarou! (Runner up: Kageyama Tobio)

Suna here has a really cold and icy demeanor, which I think has to be balanced out by outgoing people (like the Miya twins). He likes to act like this dark and brooding person, but deep down, he’s actually just a little gremlin like most of us. 

- Okay okay, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I already know that you’re a Suna stan, but I genuinely could not think of anybody who matches your personality description better, the two of you would just be *aggressive chefs kiss*

- I’m kinda getting an enemies-to-lovers-ish vibe with this dynamic, but also like a partners-in-crime-to-lovers type of deal. Either way, it’ll start out a little bit chaotic

- Has a crush on you immediately, I just KNOW it, but he won’t realize this until later on, and may even totally deny it to himself

- He doesn’t really know when exactly he starts catching feelings for you, but the realization probably hits him when he sees you going about your daily activities

- You could be doing any of your extra curriculars - basketball, track, or marching band - and he sees how much you enjoy it, or maybe even after you just said one of your random thoughts. Whatever makes him feel like he’s getting to know you a little bit better

- it’s when you laugh right after, and suddenly he feels like he’s just been spiked a ball in the face, and he just audibly goes “ah shit.”

- Has no fucking clue what to do at first KDHFKSJHL someone pls help him!!!

- He ends up being a little awkward when he tries to do anything about it, and it’ll all just feel so unnatural HAHAH

- “Let me carry your bag” “No Rin it’s fine I can--” *pries your bag from your hands with way too much force*

- in his mind he’s like “Ah yes that went perfectly 😌”

- he tries to communicate his feelings in little ways like this, hoping you’ll catch on

- No, Suna Rintarou, poking fun at someone is not a declaration of love, but nice try!

- he’ll get so frustrated if you don’t catch on (or maybe you do, and you just want him to say something first), and eventually will straight up yell tell you how he feels

- once you two are together, he’ll still try to act he’ll try to keep up his icy exterior, but trust me, he’s completely whipped for you

- SHARED PLAYLISTS!!!!

- Appreciates that you keep your friend group small, because at the end of the day, he’s still a pretty reserved guy

- Admires your leadership qualities, and will not be insecure and toxic about it, despite what other people believe. He honestly wishes he could be more like you, in that sense

- He’ll be your # 1 fan in everything you do. Will support whatever it is that you want to achieve, and will cut any bitch who tries to get in your way

- boy is in LOOOOOVE

- If he ever gets mad or annoyed at you, just give him the smallest peck on his cheek, and he’ll be all putty in your hands again

- Likewise, I think he’d be so good at making you blush too. It’s not all the time that he does this, but when he does, it’s 1000000% effective

- A FRICKING TEASE SKJDHFDSJFGLSGJ CHANGE MY MIND

- Honestly I love this dynamic so much that I wanna make him your bedroom matchup too, but I feel like that would be a cop out 

~

You were exhausted.

It was never easy juggling all the activities that you took part in - each of them was truly a labor of love. Today was particularly draining because it was, after all, your birthday, and it just HAD TO fall on a weekday. You plonked on your bed and started scrolling through your phone.

Your tight-knit group of friends continued to send you birthday wishes, despite having already done so when you saw them earlier that day. They had sung to you and let you blow out a birthday candle - it was all they could do, given your busy schedules. You looked forward to the weekend you had planned with them and your boyfriend, Rintarou.

Speaking of Rin, you thought to yourself, as a message notification from him popped up.

- You’re already home, right?

- Yeah! Just got here. So tired

- That’s too bad. I was gonna ask you to open the door for me but I guess I’ll just go home

You ran to your front door faster than you expected you could manage, and there stood Suna, a balloon and a box of pizza in hand. He pretended to walk away slowly, making you giggle before you grabbed him and dragged him inside.

He pressed a soft kiss to your temple. “Happy birthday, babe.”

You were giddy, not expecting him to show up. “I thought we were gonna wait til the weekend for my celebration??” 

“Do you not know me by now?” he chuckled. “As if I’d let today pass without doing anything about it.”

You smiled and looked at him for a few seconds. He rarely looks so sincere, and so warm, and you just wanted to drink up every last drop of this moment.

He teased, “But y’know, I guess if you’re too tired, I can totally scarf down this pizza by myself.”

You groaned before dragging him to your room and setting up the playlist you guys worked on together, getting ready for a night in.

~

I hope that was alright, bb! Let’s make our way to the bedroom now ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

For some private time, I’ve invited over...

Oikawa Tooru! (Runner up: Suna Rintarou)

Despite how other people believe he’s a dom, I think he’d be a switch, at best. I think in the bedroom, he’d love to let his partner take control, just as much as loves having his way with them.

- What really gets this fucker going is pleasing people - and who would he love to please more than his s/o?

- He loves how your confidence translates into your bedroom behavior

- I headcanon that he easily falls apart in bed, and would gladly do so for his partner 

- He is s e n s i t i v e. Touch him, kiss him, grab him EVERYWHERE

- LOUD, but a lot of it is trying to get his partner to be even louder

- How does this man have both a praise kink and a degradation kink? Idk but I’m so sure he has both

- Would be totally onboard with your knife kink. He’s super into sensory play

- Speaking of which

- BLINDFOLD HIMMMM SKDJHFSDJFK THAT WOULD BE A SIGHT TO BEHOLD

- Once you ask him to take charge, I think he would still be a service dom

- Knows all your sensitive spots. Made sure to take note of them so that he can get you back for all the times you hit his sweet spots

- Loves mouth stuff. His mouth. Your mouth. Putting stuff in them. Tongue stuff. Loves all of it

- Great at aftercare, just a bit flashy with it. Kind of makes a show of what he’s doing but in the most adorable way

- Delicate with how he handles you after. Or if you’re the one giving him aftercare, would praise you the whole time

- Will hold you til you fall asleep 🥺

~

As a little extra gift, I wanted to give you a dressing room matchup too! 

I think your gorgeous face would look SO GOOD with...

Miya Atsumu! WHAT AN INSANELY GOOD LOOKING COUPLE YOU WOULD MAKE

~

That’s it for now, darling! I hope that was worth all the waiting you did. Thank you for being such a wonderful housemate - don’t hesitate to chat with me anytime. Advanced happy birthday again! (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭*

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[sometimesrosy]

Hi I'm an endgame believer in bellarke but I was curious about something. Why is it that Clarke said she loved l/xa but when Bellamy was going to say he loves echo that it was cut out? Like they're both not the healthiest of relationships but it's pretty obvious that they cared in both relationships. Or is it just because it should be obvious and with bellarke being endgame they didn't want bellamy to say it 2 seasons before bellarke becomes an official couple bf/gf?

Well, it’s not required that love be healthy. There are lots of love relationships that are not healthy. Or that could be healthier. Love is not the answer. Love does not fix all the problems. If a person is messed up and they fall in love, the love doesn’t fix them, they’re just a messed up person in love. 

Maybe two messed up people in love. Sometimes one person’s mess will make the other person’s mess worse. Or they’ll make each other’s messes worse. I think those are the kind of relationships we tend to call “toxic.” I think people often got mad at me for saying CL was abusive because in their understanding of love, which could ONLY be good, love can’t be toxic. I was in a toxic relationship for 10 years and I can assure you, there was still love. It just didn’t make either of our messes better. 

Sometimes both people’s messes fit each other and they kind of fill in the holes or give the other person the right perspective or sounding board and they make each person BETTER. Sometimes love supports the lovers and allows them to be better than they are. Allows them to succeed. Doesn’t swallow up one lover. Creates something that is bigger than the parts.

I do think that’s one of the misunderstandings that shippers have. They think that if there is LOVE then that means a relationship is perfect and ideal and forever and good for everyone. And while that might be true in SOME stories (the whole disney ideal of love is one of the schools of fiction where it is) it’s not true in life and it’s generally not true in the more realistic or psychologically realistic stories.

So you have to figure out what kind of story is being told before you can understand what is going on with the love story/stories being told.

This story *is* absolutely telling us something about love. It just may not be what we think it’s saying, as shippers. Because it’s not written from a shippers, or romance genre, perspective... even though there are some genuinely romantic stories in it. 

There is no intention to make Bellarke obvious as endgame or B/E obvious as not endgame. That’s not the point. That is a perspective of shipwars, where one ship can win and one can lose. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU TELL A STORY. It’s how you play a football game. Shipping is a football game where endgame is the ball. That’s not a story, it’s a battle. 

A story is about CHANGE, about a character starting out one way and changing due to the obstacles in the story and the choices they make. 

If that’s the case, then what we’re looking at is the changes in the characters, in regards to love. And with Clarke and Bellamy, we have some major changes.

Clarke actually started out very loving, loving everyone, embracing everyone, even her enemies (bellamy and lxa most notably) and this allowed her to be able to understand them and bring them to her side. But the toxic message of love as a weakness absolutely destroyed Clarke. She spent 2199 alone, letting her love for Bellamy keep her alive and sane, and he returned and broke her heart by betraying her. So. Like. The lowest she ever got was when her anchor, her soulmate, her true love, turned out to be not only a weakness, but a mirage... or so she thought. She realized that was not the case and came back to herself and committed to being the good guy (her original vision of hope and humanity) and committed also to being Bellamy’s friend, because she believes that was all she could have. And then she gets bodysnatched and spends time in her mindspace where she learns to value herself and that she DOESN’T want to give up or sacrifice herself and she wants to fight and she reaches out and finds... Bellamy. And then Bellamy brings her back with the power of his love for her, and she learns how love is VERY MUCH NOT A WEAKNESS, then taking that lesson and bringing it back and using it to save her daughter and the rest of them and humanity in exactly the same way. She’s returned from the darkness to use her lessons and new powers to save her world (this is the hero’s journey, yo, finally. she’s back from the wilderness.)

And what is the power? 

Love. It is LOVE, nonny. 

In specific, Bellamy’s love for Clarke. Bellarke.

But lest you think this is all one sided, let’s look at Bellamy’s journey with love.

Well, I mean, he’s “the heart,” right? So that should be important to him, right? Even though, according to the “canon” interpretation of shipping, he’s never had a real love story, either it was sex without love or relationship with out story. Fandom claims that his love stories have been minimized, and he has been neglected by the writers, as the hero, from getting his own love story.

UNLESS you realize that the entire 7 seasons is Bellamy’s love story. He meets Clarke griffin in 1.01. He falls in love with her as the seasons go on, she becomes his soulmate, always separated from him by other love stories, politics, time, space and death itself, right? 

Bellamy has ALWAYS been about love, but in the beginning it was a very self abnegating kind of love. He was erased in his love. It was always for other people. HIs story with Octavia is really partly him learning how to claim worth for himself, find boundaries, say no. Season 4 was explicitly about Bellamy learning that he couldn’t save all the people he loved. That it was not his responsibility to take care of everyone. Season 5 had Bellamy living his life, keeping Clarke inside of him by living as she would want him to, internalizing her lessons. He kept her heart within his heart. He became the hero she believed he could be. He became the hero she wanted to be. He reached the end of his hero’s journey, and yet, his story wasn’t over.

The thing is, Bellamy in season 6? Bellamy wasn’t trying to “be the good guy.” Bellamy was trying to live a good life, like Monty and Harper, in love. Bellamy wasn’t looking for philosophy or even really saving his people. He was looking for ONE thing. Love. And he realized the CLARKE was that love. IN season 6. He was not looking to save his people, he was looking to save his Clarke, and he brought her back withe power of his love, alone. Once they were together, then he could go and save is people. They could be the heroes again. But now, his story is a love story.

He is the heart, teaching them all to live in love. And she is the head, teaching them all to live in goodness. And they can both do this because their journeys have BEEN such a struggle and they have been DENIED their goal the whole time. 

To be honest. This is my interpretation of the love story of Bellamy and Clarke up to this point and I can’t actually say that it’s done or complete or even that I’m 100 percent sure. Because the story is not over yet and no interpretation can be made, truly, without seeing the WHOLE story. However, I have enough evidence that I am speculating that this is the trajectory of the story. 

JR said that there is a complete story and there was a purpose to the whole thing, it wasn’t random and he did mean it.

I’m telling you, he means Bellarke, not just as two hot people with chemistry let’s get them together, but as the backbone of the story about unity, coming together, yin yang, soulmates, redemption and forgiveness and the rebirth of humanity. 

[ozai-the-bonsai]

Seiðr, Ragnarøk - Fjor Jutul

[7/7/2020 Edit: The full fanfic is being posted on Wattpad. Currently I have updated it with Chapter 24]

Foreword:

•We only get a little glimpse of Fjor in this chapter since this is the first one. He’ll be more active in the second one.

•I’ll keep the story on Wattpad, I’ll post the first few chapters here therefore I attached the story link (I am posting the chapter first on Tumblr so do not get confused if you just see the cast on Wattpad).

•The main characters Rosalinde and Sven are German, hence there are/will be some dialogues in German in each chapter with a given translation of course.

Enjoy :3

(Wordcount: 3134)

*1* Home Sweet Home, I Guess?

/2nd of March, Sunday/

"Wach auf, meine Liebe, wir sind fast gekommen." (Wake up, my love, we are almost there.)

Rosalinde Griebel opened her eyes slowly upon hearing her mom calling her from the driver's seat. She had been sleeping on the back seat since their last stop –it had always been easy for her to sleep while travelling with the car, especially when she felt annoyed and grumpy. After rubbing her eyes, she straightened and sat the middle seat with a yawn.

"All those language shifts from German to Norwegian still confuse me," Rosalinde muttered as she leaned forwards to turn the volume of the radio up. Then she sat back "I'm still having mixed dreams."

Her mother, Astrid, nodded as she casted a look at her daughter from the rear-view mirror "I know, sweetheart, it is the same for me, too. But when it's just the two of us, speaking German is like an instinct, you know?"

"Of course, we are German, after all. It is only our fourth year in this country." Rosalinde responded while reading a sign they passed by. Edda Municipality. She rolled her eyes in annoyance "In which we had to move for the second time because of you, Mutter." (-e Mutter = mother)

Her mother took a deep breath; it was as if she was sick of Rosalinde bringing up this very topic all the time "Do you really want to do this in the car? Argue with me for the fifth time today?" she asked, her voice was tired.

"Whatever, I'm still mad at you." Rosalinde spoke angrily as she crossed her arms on her chest and moved to the left seat, leaning the door. In fact, this time it was not her mother's fault –the hospital in Oslo, in which her mother worked as an anaesthesiologist, wanted her to be transferred to the one in Edda due to the doctor shortages. Still, Rosalinde was carrying a grudge against her mother because of forcing her to move to Norway when she was 14 and turning Rosalinde's life upside down. Therefore she was using this second moving as an excuse to remind her mother of that thing she would never forgive her for.

Not once she asked about my opinion, whether I wanted to leave my life in Germany behind. It was always about her, about her life. I never understood how she acted that selfish against her own daughter.

If it were up to me, I would have never moved to Norway –not that I do not like it here, Norway is an amazing country but I deeply loved my life in Germany. I loved every bit of Aachen, I loved my friends and I loved my dreams. And then one morning, the woman whom I call "meine Mutter" shattered all those dreams to pieces.

Rosalinde pushed her ginger hair away from her sight as her icy blue eyes focused on a large factory complex. The buildings were emitting too many gases, upon realising that she grimaced "Are they even allowed to emit all those gases? They seem pretty poisonous to me."

Her mother, who had ginger hair just like her daughter, frowned "I am not quite sure." she responded "But I rather not think about that."

Rosalinde shrugged "Have it your way." she murmured while she took her phone from her pocket. As she made the airplane mode off, a notification from WhatsApp appeared on her home screen.

Sven: Hey, sleepy head, are you up yet?

Rosalinde raised an eyebrow as her gaze drifted to the woman driving the car "Mom, how does Sven know that I have been sleeping?" she asked in a suspicious way.

Her mother chuckled while she took a left. They were starting to get close to the city centre "He called me to check up on you when you were sleeping –seems like your phone was off."

"You know I put it on the airplane mode when I sleep." Rosalinde said and turned back to her phone. Her nails with black nail polish were shining as she wrote the reply.

Rosalinde: Yeah, got my beauty sleep.

Sven: How do you find our new home so far?

Rosalinde: Idk, we shall see.

After five minutes, the car stopped in front of a small, blue coloured, triplex house. It also had a small garden, which was separated by the gardens next door with high bushes. Rosalinde and her mother got off the car and started carrying the boxes to their new house, during which another car stopped right after theirs. The first one to leave the car was a blonde, teenage boy. Rosalinde smiled as she saw Sven on her way back to the car to take the last box along with her luggage.

Sven approached her with a smile similar to Rosalinde's "Hey baby boy, you have arrived right on time." Rosalinde called Sven as she took the last box.

Sven rolled his eyes "What do you want this time, Lin?" he asked. It felt like he was coming across with similar scenarios a lot.

Rosalinde sent him a big, fake smile "It is your turn to carry my luggage."

After dropping the things at Rosalinde's house, the duo went outside to the garden. It was near 5pm and the weather was getting colder "It does not seem so bad, does it?" Sven asked, causing Rosalinde to look at him. His blue eyes were on her.

Rosalinde nodded "Well, for now, yes. The view is beautiful actually." she said, then smiled warmly at him "At least I have you with me here –I do not know what I would do if I had to leave my best friend behind once again."

Sven hugged her tight "I am glad you're with me as well. I would not want it any other way. We are lucky that both our mothers were transferred to the hospital in Edda." he said as he caressed Rosalinde's chest-length, straight, ginger hair. Sven's mother was an orthopaedic surgeon "Plus we left all those toxic people back in Oslo."

Rosalinde took a step back, leaving his arms "Toxic people are everywhere, dummy."

Sven rolled his eyes "Just for once, be a little more optimistic." he murmured "You do not have to be as black as the clothes you wear."

Rosalinde stuck her tongue out at him "I am being realistic; you can go live in your little utopia if you want."

Before Sven could snap back at her, the duo heard Sven's mother calling him "Sven, darling, come help us with unpacking!"

Sven smirked at Rosalinde "See you soon, neighbour." he said as he turned back to leave. The wind was messing his blonde hair.

Rosalinde rolled her eyes while she shouted behind him "Saved by your mother as always!"

"Go help yours already, Lin!"

***

It was past 7pm when Rosalinde and her mother were finally finished with unpacking. Rosalinde was lying on the grey couch in the living room, which was together with kitchen, as she scrolled in Instagram while her mother was searching for something in the kitchen. A few minutes later she called Rosalinde.

"Lin, do you want to hear the bad news?" asked the short, ginger haired woman.

Rosalinde didn't even lift her blue eyes from her phone "We have no food in the house and you want me to go get something, right?"

She heard her mother chuckle "Sometimes you make me think that you can actually read my mind." she said "Can you go to Spar and buy us some pasta?"

Rosalinde locked her phone as she slowly stood up "Nope, it does not work on you and you know that pretty well, Mutter." she said while walking towards the stairs "Any wishes as for the pasta?"

Her mother thought for a second "Penne could be nice. Oh, and buy a bottle of red wine as well."

Rosalinde nodded as she climbed the stairs "Can you take out my bike and unfold it? I'll change into something more appropriate –I can't go shopping with my pyjamas."

Arriving at the second floor, Rosalinde went for the second room in the row. There were four rooms on the second floor: the first one was her mothers, right next to it came Rosalinde's. At the right end of the floor was the so-called "hobby room", which was mainly used by Rosalinde when she practiced with her guitars –she had one acoustic and one electric guitar. On the parallel of Rosalinde's room was the bathroom and right next to it were the stairs leading up to the attic.

Opening the white, wooden door she entered her room. The walls were beige for now, she was going to paint them lilac later that week. In her room the first thing to see was her desk, which was at the corner, leaning the parallel wall. It was white, just like the door. On it were her laptop, a grey table lamp, some notebooks, a pen holder and a little cactus in a blue pot. On the wall, which was on the left side of her desk, three wall-mounted, white shelves could be seen. She had placed the snow globes she collected on the highest shelf, then came her candles on the middle one. The last shelf mostly contained random things that she couldn't find a better place to put.

Right next to the desk, a white bookcase with five shelves stood to its left. Only the upper two shelves were full, for that moment. Between the bookshelf and the bedside table was a window. Then to the right of the window she had her bedside table along with her bed, which was leaning the right wall of her room. The bedside table was light blue and had three drawers. In the first drawer she had her jewellery boxes and her hair pins, in the second one came her underwear and socks. The third one contained her pyjamas. On the bedside table she had a picture of her 14-year-old self, graduating from primary school in Germany. There was one other picture which was taken in Oslo the previous year, in which she was with Sven. Other than that she a clear jar that had an amethyst, a pinch of unused ground coffee and a handful of pine needles inside –which kept the negative energies away.

The quilt cover set of her bed was in a darker shade of purple, in addition she had hanged a dream catcher right above her bed. To the right of her bed was another window. Lastly her wardrobe was right next to the door, to its right. Yawning loudly, Rosalinde headed towards the grey wardrobe and took off her pyjamas, throwing them onto her bed. Then she wore a thick, maroon coloured sweatshirt and black, skinny, ripped jeans. As she took a look at herself at the mirror which was mounted on the outside of the wardrobe's right door, an unpleasant realisation hit her.

Argh, I have school tomorrow. And I am going to be the new girl. Again.

Putting her ID and some money in a small purse, Rosalinde took her phone and went downstairs. Her mother was waiting for Rosalinde at the door as she passed her daughter a black leather jacket. Placing the phone and the purse in the pocket of her jacket, Rosalinde wore her black Harley Davidson boots "Well, I'll be back soon." she told her mother.

"Sei vorsichtig, Liebling, wir sind noch ziemlich fremd in dieser Stadt!" her mother shouted behind Rosalinde as she mounted her bicycle. (Be careful, darling, we are still quite foreign to this town.)

Rosalinde did not bother looking back at her "Ich weiß, Mama!" (I know, mom.)

The ride to the supermarket was quite calming in fact. It took her approximately fifteen minutes and the weather was rather cold but she had always liked cold weather, it always made her feel alive and cleared the traffic of thoughts from her head. The streets were mostly empty, she had seen some cars here and there but it wasn't much. As she arrived at Spar, Rosalinde dismounted her bicycle and locked it to a nearby street lamp.

The supermarket was almost empty as well; the red-head quickly took a package of penne and a bottle of Chianti and headed to the cash desk. The cashier was an old woman with curly, grey hair and sharp blue eyes, which made Rosalinde feel uneasy in an unusual way. Upon seeing the blue eyed red-head, the old woman smiled as if she had known Rosalinde in person.

Not bothering to hide her frown, Rosalinde placed the things on the desk as she took out her purse from her pocket. The woman didn't ask for an ID while Rosalinde placed the pasta and the wine in a plastic bag "That's 237 krones." said the old woman. While Rosalinde was handing her 250 krones, their hands touched each other for a moment. The red-head gasped as the familiar feeling of being drawn into a vision surrounded her.

"You are a good kid." said the old woman to a tall, blonde boy wearing round glasses. As she smiled in an odd way, she raised her right hand –on her little finger she had two golden rings –to caress the boy's forehead. The boy gasped for air, his pupils widened for a moment, then returned to their regular shape. At the same time whispers in a different language could be heard.

"You are the chosen one, boy."

"Tor, God of thunder!"

"Innocent blood shall spill!"

"What was prophesised by the Völva thousands of years ago has come to occur –Ragnarøk!"

As the vision slowly let Rosalinde go, the red-head abruptly pulled her hand back. The old woman was eying her in a mischievous way. Quickly shaking herself, Rosalinde took the plastic bag and put her purse back in her pocket "You can keep the change."

Not daring to take another look at the old woman, the red-head left the supermarket at a trot. When she was outside, she took a deep breath in order to steady her mind and her heart, which was beating like crazy.

What the hell was that? And what is wrong with that woman? Argh, this town is beginning to annoy me already!

Should I tell mom about the vision I had?

No, not yet. First I have to see if I can interpret what I saw.

What brought Rosalinde back to reality was the sound of a whistle. After placing the plastic bag in the basket, which was attached to her bicycle, she turned back to look at the source. There were three boys leaning a black, 4x4 Volvo a few meters behind her. The one standing on the right had fair skin with brown hair and from what Rosalinde could make out, he had an attractive face. Next to him stood a blonde boy with his hair reaching his shoulders, he was slightly shorter than the brown haired one. The third one had dark brown dreadlocks at a level with his chin, he had dark skin.

Rosalinde raised an eyebrow in their direction.

The one with the dreadlocks called at Rosalinde "Hey, darling, are you from around here? 'Cus I ain't seen you before."

The red-head rolled her eyes at them as she showed the boys her middle finger and mounted her bike. She could hear one of them saying "Well, Oscar, seems like you've found a tough one here." while she drove away.

***

It was past 11pm when Rosalinde's mother came to her daughter's room, who was chatting with Sven "Meine Lieben, es wird spät und ihr geht zur Schule morgen. Ihr müsst schlafen." she said. (My dears, it's getting late and you have school tomorrow –you must sleep.)

Rosalinde was sitting on her bed crossed legged whereas Sven was sitting on the purple rug, leaning the bed "Mama, wir sind nicht fünf." the red-head spoke in an annoyed way. Sven chuckled. (Mom, we are not five.)

"Meine Mutter erwartet mich in einer halbe Stunde, Astrid, mach dir keine Sorgen." Sven responded with an understanding voice. The woman with ginger, shoulder-length hair smiled warmly at the teens and closed the door. (My mother expects me in half an hour, Astrid, don't worry.)

Rosalinde fell backwards onto her bed "I don't want to go to school!" she grumbled "The new girl process bores me."

Sven pushed a strand of blonde hair away from his face "I am not fond of it either but since we have no choice, just try to enjoy annoying everyone around you, Lin." the boy spoke "Except me, of course."

Rosalinde chuckled as she straightened, once more sitting on her bed "You know me way too well, Sven." she said while she messed his soft, blonde hair.

Sven pushed away Rosalinde's hand "Hey, hands off my hair." he muttered as they heard a scratching sound coming from behind the door. Sven laughed "Well, this was your call, cat mom.”

Rosalinde stood up reluctantly and headed towards the door. As she opened the white door, a grey Scottish Fold entered the room "You just could not stay downstairs, could you?" Rosalinde said and took her cat into her arms, heading to her bed once again.

"Is Valkyrie happy about moving to Edda?" Sven asked while he patted the cat. Valkyrie started to purr.

Rosalinde shrugged "I have no idea, she had been sleeping the whole day –including the car trip." the red-head responded as she raised the cat into the air to level its face with hers. Then she left a kiss on Valkyrie's nose, which in response jumped from Rosalinde's hold and fell on its four feet onto the floor.

Sven smiled "Somebody does not want to be loved tonight." he said while standing up. He moved to Rosalinde's desk and took his coat from her chair.

"Ah, it's just Valkyrie being grumpy like her owner." Rosalinde murmured, then raised an eyebrow at Sven "Leaving already?"

"I am tired, Lin –I wasn't the one who slept straight for two hours in the car." Sven said after wearing his coat "Meet you at eight?"

Rosalinde nodded as she watched him leave "Gute Nacht, kleines Mäuschen!" she shouted behind Sven. (Good night, little mouse!)

"Ich bin kein Mäuschen, Lin, hör schon auf!" Sven shouted back in response from downstairs. Rosalinde laughed, she had been calling him little mouse since they were sixteen to annoy him whenever she got the chance. The biggest reason behind it was the fact that Sven was afraid of mice. (I am no little mouse, Lin, give up already!)

I am so lucky to have a best friend like him.

•

•

•

Well, how was it? Was it worth your time? I am literally dying to hear your feedbacks!!!! I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter (:

Do not forget to give me feedbacks ((:

Take care ^-^

[otakween]

I'm Standing on a Million Lives - Volume 1

Hurray! Moving on from 100% Pascal Sensei, this is the next series on MAL alphabetically due to its Japanese title (100-man no Inochi no Ue ni Ore wa Tatteiru). I'm excited to be catching up on something so recent as season 2 for the anime is actually coming out this month! I'm going in 100% blind so, I guess we'll just see where this goes. Chapter breakdown after the "read more."

Ch. 1

-Well, this was really awkwardly paced and written, not a promising start if I'm honest. I hate it when people are isekai'd and barely react, it's so jarring.

-Protag-kun is an edgelord who "hates Tokyo and all the people in it," has no friends, and just wants to play video games. Of course his video game skills are rewarded in isekai-land. Typical cliché BS so far. At least he had a self-aware "oh wait, I'm being a self-centered prick" moment.

-The art isn't hideous, but I don't sense any creativity here. Everyone looks very generic, including the monsters. At least the two-page spreads look nice on my new e-reader

-I feel like this would read as batshit to people who aren't familiar with the isekai genre. They just assume that people are so used to these tropes that they don't need to explain anything. I would have liked it if they showed us more of the "normal" world so that the isekai moment would be more of a shock and we could get a better feel for the characters/setting.

-Game master dude is really annoying. I hope they explain why he speaks in partial sentences. None of the characters even acknowledged it which was really weird.

-Kinda dumb how Kusue saying "I want to be useful to people!" just completely blew Protag-kun's mind and changed his whole world view. First of all: can we save epiphanies like that for at least the end of volume 1?? Second: how easily swayed is this man!? He felt like he went through the entire A Silent Voice MC's character arc in 2 seconds.

-I feel like the level of gore doesn't fit the tone they're going for. It just feels out of place and gratuitous. Like, this isn't Attack on Titan, this is more of an adventure series (I think)

Ch. 2

-The characterization in this is really annoying. So far the characters don't feel like real people, they're just assigned archetypes. Yuka is an otaku, Kusue is the "frail girl," etc. I think one thing that's lacking is the girls barely get a chance to speak and we're stuck with Yotsuya's incel monologues. Hopefully this improves.

-Real convenient that all the chosen party members are girls so far. The setting/make up of the party reminds me of Konosuba a lot.

-Why are bullying scenes in manga always so over the top? I'm pretty sure bullies don't typically go the sexual assault route. Similar to the gore feeling out of place, that felt unnecessarily dark. The character's also reacted to it as if it wasn't a big deal (???)

-Today in "fancy words used in manga": polyandric. Apparently it means an animal that mates with multiple males.

-I was honestly triggered by the centipede monsters. I have house centipedes in my apartment and they're horrifying. The thought of one wrapping around my head...-shudder-

-The bullying rescue scene was interesting. I feel like normally it would be a big, heroic moment, but instead they chose to show how all the girls (bullies and victim) were afraid of Yotsuya for suddenly showing up and acting like a maniac. It was kinda nice to see his "you love me now, right?" rejected lol.

-The self-aware anime stuff is obnoxious. MC being like "woah this is a harem situation" and the girls being like "gap moe!?" at the end of the chapter. It's jarring when characters that aren't supposed to be otaku bring up otaku things.

-Game Master showing up on Yotsuya's phone was pretty funny lol. I liked his selfie.

Ch. 3

-Shindo's backstory was so weirdly written and awkward: she was a bad kid, made friends with an older girl who taught her to be good, and then that older girl killed herself. She then overheard her family members being like "lol that dead girl was ugly" so...she vowed to protect the weak...or something? I dunno it was confusing. Also, more needlessly grimdark content with Shindo's parents basically saying that girl deserved to die because she was ugly.

-I don't think this mangaka understands anatomy, the abs on the male characters look...off

-Interesting rule where they lose EXP for fighting humans. Although, that does make me wonder about the cover art for this volume. Are the "million lives" supposed to represent all the times the characters die and are revived or...?

-Yuka being like "I don't think Shindo's a good person because she's got pretty privilege." Rubbed me the wrong way. She reeks of the "not like other girls" trope

-When Yotsuya said he's "not like other boys" because he'll listen to your tragic backstory and Shindo reacts "are you gay or something?" That felt like a mix of casual homophobia and toxic masculinity, not cute.

Ch. 4

-We get a new harem addition and her stupid quirk is that she likes cutting people up. I dunno, something about the way she robotically announced that while fighting felt so unnatural and forced. This manga is anything but subtle.

-Only now realizing that the artist and the author are two separate people. Honestly, I was surprised to find out that this is just a manga and it doesn't have a corresponding light novel. It really feels like it's being adapted from something, but maybe that has to do with the writer and artist being separate?

-Every time they mention a new fantasy name it kinda seems like the author just threw scrabble letters at the wall.

-The design of the bipedal steeds wheel attachment looked like it wouldn't work. Like, how do those things walk with a big giant wheel right in front of their feet? I guess I'll find out in the anime lol

-Very, very confused about Yotsuya's "career." When he became a chef he dressed as a chef, but now that he's a wizard he's back to dressing like a farmer and using a hoe? That seems like a continuity error. Either that or they didn't explain how things work very well. Can you switch between your past careers?

-They reveal that they only feel 1/36 of normal pain in this world, which would have been nice to know in chapter 1 when people were being torn apart, but okay.

-One of Yotsuya's new skills is "the ability to raise or lower the persuasiveness of your words." Immediately I was like, "wtf? In what situation would you want to lower your persuasiveness?" Maybe if you're using reverse psychology? -shrug-

-I enjoyed the author's mini essay at the end about stories standing the test of time. I guess this is their first serialization so now I kinda feel bad for trashing it so much lol. Oh well, gotta be honest in my reactions...

[boofrp]

1 (more coming) I'm a little confused about your situation. I understand that you don't feel comfortable disclosing all the details with people online, although I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you're asking for donations. I realize mental health plays a big part in the reason why you're unwilling to get a job, but... If I were in your shoes, and I was stuck in a toxic environment, I would be doing whatever I could to ensure I was out of that situation.

[CONTINUED] Sure, offering resources for small fees can be helpful, but there are people out there giving them away for free - so how far can that really get you? Eventually, you’re either going to have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and do what’s best for you, so you can escape the toxicity, or you’re going to be stuck there forever. Personally, I think it’s time to grow up and realize you’re not going to make a living off of selling resources. I just think it’s very unfair to those of us who are working for our own money, and I believe you’re completely capable of going out and seeking employment. Yes, you have issues - but so does everyone else. There are people who are way worse off than you are, I’m sure. I’m not trying to be rude, but I’ll admit I’m a tad bit suspicious. A piece of me believes you’re just trying to get whatever you can out of the community, as if they owe you something. You’ve been known to lie before, therefore I just can’t trust your story and accusations. Sorry.

   i actually wrote a long ass reply to this but because my computer crashed right before i was about to post it, i lost everything and need to start again lmao. ANYWAY. i never once thought that in a community that is branded to be a “safe haven” and an “escape from life” that i would be thrown some bullshit like this at my feet, making me feel anything but safe or comfortable. honestly there are few messages i have received during my time on this account that made my stomach drop to my feet. this includes messages coming straight out and telling me to kill myself - that i can handle.

 but something like this, honestly made my stomach drop and i hope you’re happy because when i first read this last night i began gagging/feel nauseous and then had a full blown anxiety attack and breakdown. now i’ve had some sleep and i’m not reacting as badly as i did at first to this message but i’m still shaking and feeling incredibly sick because: fuck you. now i really hate explaining myself and trying to “prove” myself to people that really do not deserve the time of day from me, but i guess i should have expected this because there are some really fucking toxic people in this community. lets get to the fun part, my actual replies to the points made in these horrible messages !!

POINT A: “if i were in your shoes i would be doing anything to get out of your ~toxic~ situation” --- first of all, be fucking thankful you are not in my situation because it SUCKS. it really sucks and experiencing this level of pain on a daily basis whilst trying to remain positive is really fucking hard. and guess what? YOU’RE NOT IN MY SITUATION. therefore you have no right to sit back and play commentator on everything i have said and done. let’s get that straight. now i have fucking tried to get out of here. let me make you a nice fucking list because you probably won’t settle until you have all the information from me.

>>> i have applied for ten jobs in the space of two days, all of which i was qualified for or they offered training for if i wasn’t. all of the answers were the same: we have filled the spot or you’re not what we’re looking for. and i have to admit my resume is pretty fucking lit because of all the things i achieved before my mental health destroyed my life. >>> i have babysat for a woman who years ago traumatized the FUCK out of me one day and i don’t want to go into specifics but it was really hard to put aside the fact that she made me run home in tears to my mum when i was 12 for a stupid reason. >>> i have considered asking my sister if i could move in with her. get this, any other time i wouldn’t even think of it because: a) she lives in a small three bedroom house - by small i mean really fucking small. b) she has a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter as well as herself and her boyfriend so you can imagine how much space they have already taken up. OH and she’s having another baby so they would be struggling to even fine space for them. c) i know that if i live with her i will only be able to have a suitcase of my possessions and would have to sleep on the floor, yet i still consider it and am close to asking. d) i have practically lived with her for a month and had a complete breakdown at the end because i was treated like a babysitting machine instead of a human and being an introvert, when spending so much time with people i need time for myself to regenerate but because the house was so small and the children wouldn’t leave me alone - i broke down. >>> i have done things to get $5 that i do not want to talk about because i know that if i even told my family i would immediately be disowned and i am not proud at all about what i’ve done to EAT FOOD. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. >>> and lastly, i’m asking complete strangers for money - something that i have struggled with all my life is asking people for money, even asking my mother for $5 for school when i was younger invoked anxiety. but here i am.

POINT B: “sure you can offer resources for money but how far is that going to get you? people already make them for free” --- do you REALLY think i came into this thinking that selling resources was going to pay my rent? do you REALLY think i’m dumb enough to believe that i could actually live out on my own with just commissions from people online in exchange for pixels that will be meaningless in a few years? HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM? you know what, $5 every now and again isn’t going to pay for my funeral insurance or my wedding in a few years, but $5 NOW is going to buy me a pretty decent fucking meal for once, it’s going to buy me a part of a ticket out of this small town. in the long run, $5 a week is going to add up and its going to HELP. also, there must be a reason more people are taking commissions each day - because there are actually people in this world who are fucking KIND and i like to believe in those people. paying commissions isn’t even buying my resources to me, because i know these people can get it anytime they want for free. no, it’s like a pat on the back or like paying someone a tip. IT’S JUST BEING FUCKING THANKFUL. if i had money i would be tipping my friends all the time. but i don’t.

POINT C: “it’s unfair for those of us who are working for our money” --- i’m,,, sorry. IS MY MENTAL ILLNESS A FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO YOU? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY HALF OF Y O U R LIFE, MAKING IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO EVEN FUNCTION PROPERLY IN THE WORLD? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING FAMILY? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R FRIENDSHIPS? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS TURN Y O U R CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENTS INTO APPOINTMENTS WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST, ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND FINDING WAYS TO MAKE YOUR SCHOOL LIFE MORE COMFORTABLE SINCE YOU WERE LITERALLY TWO STEPS AWAY FROM KILLING YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U WANT TO KILL YOURSELF MORE TIMES YOU CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U ATTEMPT SUICIDE TWICE BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN SIXTEEN? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS EFFECT Y O U IN YOUR WORKPLACE TO THE POINT WHERE YOU WERE CLOSE TO GRABBING THE NEAREST PLASTIC BAG AT YOUR REGISTER AND PULLING IT OVER YOUR HEAD AND SUFFOCATING YOURSELF? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U BULIMIC AND ANOREXIC? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE IT HARD FOR Y O U TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT WANTING TO FUCKING DIE? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R BODY IMAGE? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.

POINT D: “you’re capable for going out and looking for employment” --- please refer to my next answer to another anon who is a fucking dick too.

POINT E: “you’re just trying to get shit out of the community cause you think it owes you something” --- again... FUCK YOU. what the fuck have i done to make you believe i’m that shitty of a person? and if i was trying to scam this community out of money or whatever the fuck you think i’m doing, IT MUST HAVE BEEN THREE FUCKING YEARS IN THE MAKING, BEFORE I EVEN KNEW I COULD MAKE A FEW CENTS USING ADF.LY LINKS. i have lied about things in the past, but things that i a) owned up to and b) were NEVER about my mental health or my living situation. i’mm fucking SURE that if you go through my blog you will find me talking about how fucked i am in life. this isn’t some story that i shit out yesterday for money, for fucks sake. if it seems like i suddenly have all these problems - i’m fucking great at pretending i don’t want to be alive and that i hate myself.

POINT F: “i’m not trying to be rude” --- YES YOU FUCKING ARE. IF YOU WERE NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SELF AWARE OF IT AND PUT YOURSELF ON ANONYMOUS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. IF YOU KNEW THAT THIS WASN’T RUDE, YOU WOULD HAVE COME OFF OFF OF ANONYMOUS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. but of course this isn’t fucking rude it’s just picking away at my life and trying to make it sound like i’m a fucking asshole because i am literally suffering in my own home :~)

     you know what? there is no way i can possibly come to a nice conclusion about this message in a sentence or to. so here is all i’m going to say: a) i’M NOT COMING TO YOUR DOORSTEP AND ASKING YOU SPECIFICALLY TO HAND ME OVER $2 SO I CAN BUY DRUGS OR WHATEVER THE FCUCK YOU’RE THINKING and b) YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING DESERVE AN EXPLANATION FROM ME BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. i don’t know what the fuck you want from me. my family is in $7k debt from my mum’s boyfriend’s mum’s funeral a month ago. do you want the fucking death certificate? do you want to see the flowers we got from her funeral insurance? DO YOU WANT A WHOLE FUCKING LIVESTREAM OF HER DEAD BODY BEING LOWERED INTO THE FUCKING GROUND? OH FUCKING HELL, DO YOU WANT TEXTS THAT GO BACK YEARS BETWEEN ME AND MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY OF ME CONSTANTLY TELLING THEM I WISH I WAS FUCKING DEAD? DO YOU WANT ME TO RECORD WHAT I EAT IN A WEEK? DO YOU WANT ME TO RECORD MY MOTHER TELLING ME I’M BEING FAT AND TO STOP EATING? DO YOU WANT ME TO HANG MYSELF IN PUBLIC JUST SO YOU CAN FUCKING SEE HOW SERIOUS THIS IT? i don’t know what the fuck you want from me and what your great plan was when sending these messages, but i hope you’re fucking happy.