#ESPECIALLY THE FUCKING SLIME BIT OMG.

[cosmos-dot-semicolon]

Dicey Dungeons Dashboard (Diceboard) Simulator

💲 cashmoney-and-fame Follow

probability isn't real. either it happen or it don't

💲 cashmoney-and-fame Follow

wait no i didn't mean it like that

🔨 spanner-time Follow

SHE'S ON THIS SITE???

🔮 sorceress-the-best Follow

op's so going to lose his next run.

#dicey dungeons #the thief #smiting tag #kinda on him though how do you post that while COMPETING

58,960 notes

📊 pal-with-a-calculator Follow

I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion, but stealing equipment shouldn't be allowed! Lady Luck worked very hard on making specific movesets for everyone and it's not fair for you to just steal those for yourself!

💲 cashmoney-and-fame Follow

reblog to pickpocket from op.

🖐️ handthrower Follow

get pickpocketed, loser!

🪞 pal-with-a-calculator Follow

I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion, but stealing equipment shouldn't be allowed! Lady Luck worked very hard on making specific movesets for everyone and it's not fair for you to just steal those for yourself!

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you I throw up. also pickpocketing from op.

🔨 spanner-time Follow

Pickpocketing from OP. Sorry, it's a too interesting of a mechanic!

🏍️ earth-foodie Follow

'borrowing' from op.

🃏 yournewjestie Follow

Taking OP's last piece of equipment!

#as tiring as it is being a dice again i gotta say. I missed stealing people's stuff. #trapped for eternity i mean dicey dungeons tag

984 notes

🐝 bees-and-trees Follow

lady luck is such good lesbian representation. you agree. reblog.

🌅 aurora-official Follow

Didn't she say she was going to curse her last assistant/ex for eternity just for saying they were sick of being called a minion

🐝 bees-and-trees Follow

god forbid women do anything 💅

8,469 notes

🍦 slop-slurp-slop Follow

slop slurp, sloop slurp-purp slop slurp Tumblr slop-slup!

slop sloop slurp-slup? slurp slop slip!

slop sloop slop-slurp? slurp slop slap!

slap sloop slup slip-slop slip slurp slop slurp-purp-pop? slip-slop-sloop-sloops!

slop sloop slip? slup slurp slip-slop!

sloop sloop slop slurp slop slap sloop-slop? slop! sloop!

slop sloop slap-slap? slap slup slops!

slap slap slip slap slop slurp slip-slap. slop sloop slop? slap sloop slip sloop slurp-purp slorp slap-slip? slip sloop slip slop slap, slop slap.

slop sloop slop slorp sloop slip-slorp? slip sloop slip slop slap slop slap slip slorp slop slap slop-slap, slop sloop slap slop!

Slap slop slip-purps! slap slap slorp sloop slap slup slorp-slap-slap slop :-)

🦑 babee-squidley Follow

!!! important! always reblog.

💪 roll-out-stronger Follow

thank you op I really needed this <3

#positivity #tumblr checkpoint

12,323 notes

📊 pal-with-a-calculator Follow

🦑 slumberingdepths Follow

This poll is inaccurate! DICE is the PLURAL, while DIE is the singular!

📊 pal-with-a-calculator Follow

Actually, both can be used as the singular in modern-day language! I was just curious since I've heard very different pronunciations of it within the community ^_^

🐝 bees-and-trees Follow

douse sweep.

🛡️ aoife-official Follow

douse sweep.

💪 roll-out-stronger Follow

Douse sweep!

🃏 yournewjestie Follow

Deece.

DEECE NU-

#trapped for eternity i mean dicey dungeons tag #sillyposting

834 notes

🎡 spinningeternally-deactivated20

does anyone else think it's kind of problematic how Dicey Dungeons literally gets to keep its contestants for eternity if they lose? Like. You suck at a game and then they just own your soul?? Forever? How is that fair or allowed? And you're not even allowed to leave or quit your job?

🔮witchinghoursofficial-deactivat

Literally! I love the concept of the show but we shouldn't talk about it without overlooking its issues.

🔥 cooler-than-you Follow

calm down girl it's just a TV show

🎡 spinningeternally-deactivated20

MULTIPLE!! WORKERS!! HAVE COME OUT ABOUT NOT WANTING TO STAY ON THE SHOW FOREVER. THERE ARE LITERALLY NEWSPAPERS FROM 1000 YEARS AGO ABOUT IT.

🎡 spinningeternally-deactivated20

@sorceress-the-best SO DO I?? That doesn't mean we can't fight for better conditions down here? To at least be able to leave?

🍪 sharp-as-a-cookie Follow

sounds like someone's mad that they're not a boss yet >:)

🎡 spinningeternally-deactivated20

YOU WILL DIE IN 7 DAYS.

🔮 sorceress-the-best Follow

prev is literally a minor???

🌵 pricklyanxiouspear Follow

something... bad happened in here :(

⛈️scathach-official Follow

For context, OP was Jester's alt account. @witchinghoursofficial was the Witch's old account.

🍦 slop-slurp-slop Follow

ohhhhhh 😬 sloop.

#dicey dungeons #dicecourse #hall of fame

0 notes

🍦 slop-slurp-slop Follow

🎡 spinningeternally-deactivated20

YEAH I DID! WATCH THIS! @the-lady-luck

🃏 dicey-jester-official-deactivat

wait wrong account

438,048 notes

[void-speaks]

Here as usual, not watching it live (too sleepy to watch it live), but documenting my thoughts on Founder's Cut live!

Huge spoilers for both Generation Loss and Founder's Cut

First thing first, OH MY GOD NOT THE SCREAMS AHEISHAODOSOEBDIDBEIFID

Also yippee the Squiggles return! :D

Brother went to Little Nightmares world lmao

OH MY GOD THE INTRODUCTION THINGIES

OH MY GOD THAT'S WHY HE WAS DOING WEIRD POSES AND NOT LOOKING AT THE CAMERA HE WAS LOOKING AT A DIFFERENT CAMERA BUT WE COULDN'T SEE IT AHAODJWISBDIWJZIKDSNSOBEKDIENISBDIDI THAT'S SUCH A NEAT DETAIL OH MY LORD

Christian Hell :)

STEVEN THE STAKER :D

Christian Hell demons don't like the Slime demon :(

Oags8sbwisjswishajiaid Charlie's got them long lashes god damn

Why the spaghetti specifically 🤔

OH MY GOD I SEE WHY EWWWWW

Nice some eyeballs in a jar cool

Npc dialog core

Wait why is it repeating

Oh man, they didn't do anything with the slime bit :(

SPAM

BEHIND YOU?

IT'S REPEATING AGAIN turly noc dialog moment

THE OMINOUS SHOT ON THE PICKLE JAR IS FUCKING HILARIOUS GOOD JOB TEAM

Oh now that I think about it, I wonder if they'll do something for the creature?

Brother we get it, you don't know how to cook, you said that THREE TIMES ALREADY!!!

His hand is shaky :(

Oh there's a goat on the wall

Not the napkin tearing because of the slime lmao

Oh my lord Rainbow's hands are so fucking big

WEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I wonder if it's actually stuck or if it's a bit

THE SLIME DIMENSION YEAAAAAAAAAH

Oh I just noticed that Slimecicle didn't even come from the cabin but from the side lmao

It was a good job Slime wdym >:(

Behind you :)

Ohhh a tape

WAIT OH NO A TAPE NO NO NONONO

WAS THAT TABLE ALWAYS A SPIDER?

THE MASK IS BLINKING WIEUEUWHEUWUEUEIWUEUE

What if Hetch really was trying to help at first but then Showfall said "haha, no ❤️" for the sake of the dramatic plot twist?

Actually no, I don't think Hetch is a real person. I think he's just as brainless as everyone else, so he was meant to be the dramatic plot twist character from the very beginning, because the lines he is saying right now are very double-edged, especially if you've watched Genloss before.

THEY WOKE UP AGAIN I FORGOT ABOUT THAT PART OMG

IS HE SCREAMING FRANK GET OUT OF HERE WHAT? HUH? HUH??????

Sneegsnag

FRAAAAAAAAAAAANK

Oh my god..m.... he's in denial.......

Wait no what if Sneeg sees Frank as a real person and not a skeleton like we do that's crazy

A thing going? 🤨

"HAHAHAHHAHAHAH I'm stuck to the bottom of the box!!"

Ohhh they cut the goofy dialog

WAIT THEY CUT OUT THE GOOFY DIALOG TO PERHAPS APPEAL TO THE VIEWERS MORE SINCE WE LOVE THE SCARY PARTS?

EVIL SNEEG WELCOME BACK

Oh hey the funky battle system is gone too

Oh another cut to get rid of the goofy part

Oh did they cut out Sneeg impersonating Slime? :(

It feels like I'm hearing new music so maybe there will be an update to the Genloss album? 🤔

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH PeNiS"

SLAY >:D

Oh was Sneeg stuck in place the entire night? Truly npcs material

"Butts in the air" also sir you weren't sitting you were standing

Oh also 8 hours of sleep? That's healthy

Ranboo had a knife on him the entire time? 🤨

Um.... dude.... what's with the noises

THEY CUT OUT SQUIGGLES DIALOG OH NOO 😭

Oh hey the creature

Okay so just a scary zoom in so far or idk I can't see shit

HE PICKED UP A MERCH SHIRT FROM THE MERCH BOX LMAO

Get locked loser

A little sad that they didn't do much with the creature, but it's okay

Sharkciclester

OHHHHH A NICE LITTLE VS SCREEN COOL

NOT IF I DONE YOU FIRST, UM, HUH?

Oh the crytal ball that's where we created the creature

Ohhhh spooky

Okay wait, Squiggles did speak of outside interferences, so maybe Hetch is real

They fucking tied up my Hero what the fuck that's not very pog slay of them

They killed my fucking Hero

THAT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH JUICE BITCH

Letting the audience have their win huh?

Ohhhh the camera man showing up so boldly that's nice

The person lying on the table right now has a pedicure, actually

Sudden surgery edit okay....

Yeah no he definitely did say in

"I put a whole shitter on my wrist" LMAO

Also love how Ranboo is disgusted by the toilet but not by going into someone's guts.

YEAH CHARLIE YOU TELL 'EM

"Don't go ripping open any fucking bros" so real so true king

SQUIGGLES!!!

THEY ADDED SQUIGGLES BACK!

Also wait why does Ranboo also has a bomb strapped to him

I love the rats :)

IT WAS A BAD DAY TO BE A CHEESECAKE!!

Rat pat on the head

Eathan Nester, Unemployed

TURNEEEEER 😭

So real Squiggles :(

I'm bad at math so real dude

"His little eyes...." yeah so real Squiggles 😭

Austin Show, Gay

Several wives and many children I'd like to come home to

"I LOVE WOMEN"

Steve, Billy Johny and Sally :)

"CHILDREN"

"HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS"

SNEEG'S HAT :D

Hehehhe Squiggles is panicking :)

Ohhhh flashback :)

"It's a fucking slurry"

No no no, Squiggles, everything is fine, Sneeg is definitely not escaping, don't worry about it :)

I wonder what they did with Frank

Ohhhh everyone paused

Ohhh they took his fucking hat

Also I just noticed that the mask they put on Sneeg is different from other Showfall masks, it has like the dialpads on it while the others don't

Oh I think they like neutralized the hat or smth

Ohhhhh they put it backwards

But also the Showfall employees are all extremely slay, they look great

Sneeg, The Taken

"Hi Sneeg!" I LOVE SQUIGGLES YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Oh the rats are clapping

Niki "Ninachu," Nice

The audio sounds different here 🤔

Oh they definitely did re-record it because it was a little muffled during the streams

Damn I love Squiggles

"Vinny Vinesauce," Hoarder

I wonder if when they say "they" or "them" whether they're addressing just Ranboo by those pronouns or both Ranboo and the viewers. Either way, slay

Lol Ethan just talking with the rat

Also I wonder how they set up the Genloss set

I mean, where the fuck did they get a carousel from?

Oh wait I forgot Sneeg wasn't even tied to the carousel holy fuck

NOOOOOO NOT FRANK NOOOO

"You don't have to go, you don't really have to go" :)

They're talking about God in the background? Lmao

Ohhh there's Minecraft candy :)

Oh they cut out the lick the wallpaper part too :(

"Oh they're still alive" LMAO

NIKI NOOOOOO 😭

I love how they're just not helping

I love how they can just shoot the Puzzler but they don't

So they left this in but not everything else...

"They gotta go through the bullet too?" SNEEG 😭

PEEKABOO BITCH

FACTORY RESET?????????

Where the fuck did they get those statues

"????????" Lmao

Would've been cool if they showed how gory that death was but okay

The laser totally did touch them "that one didn't count yeah right.

"Dude, stop backseating I got this"

"OH MY GOSH ITS SLIMETOWEL!!" SO TRUE KINGS

Yippee!!

"I think everybody important is left" OH MY GOD SNEEG WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

"Pretty hot, actually" HUH?

Get scanned losers

How did I sit through the three two hour long streams....

LMAO THE ASS BIT HELL YEAH LET'S GO

"You want us to just know that your ass is big is that it?" LMAO way to make yourself the comedic relief character Sneeg

Lmao they're just getting dressed up for no reason 🤣

I love how one moment they're dressing up and then "Is the wife in the room with us right now?" "Is she dead?"

Ethan could've just taken a step away btw. Just wanted to let everyone know :)

"THE BLOOD YOU PSYCHO REACT TO THAT!" :)

Bro your jacket is upside down

I love the fact that Austin is very cautious when stepping in but Boo and Sneeg just waltz inside casually

OH NO WAIT THEY CUT THE PARTY BIT NOOOOO 😭

"I hope you're all taking notes" Sir yes sir

"1. Toys 2. Things 3. Cardboard" So true king

"4. Date 5. Invention 6. Please hold" I fuckin' love Squiggles they're great

Lmao get fucked loser

I also do love the fact that Austin is the only one reacting normally to the stuff happening around them

Ranboo just casually messing with the rubics cube

Ohhh there's a sign on the wall "CAUTION All persons in this area —Must— wear goggles"

"boop" Real

Silly death lmao. I wonder what even happened?

Ohh I also love that they tried to use the "the last survivor becomes the villain" horror movie trope. It's neat

Oh wait no they didn't

IS THAT CHARLIE'S CORPSE IN THE BACKGROUND

Hey Hetch. Fuck you

WAIT HIS VOICE IT'S DIFFERENT HUH?

AND HE STARTS CALLING HIM HERO NOW AND HIS APPEARANCE LOOKS DIFFERENT TOO OH MY GOD. AM I CRAZY? AND I IMAGINING THIS?

Ohhhh they're putting memories in his brain, cool

LIAR

Ohhhh it looks like the mask stopped glowing

I love Showfall employees they look cool

EPISODE THREE LET'S GO

Oh he finally took off the bomb

"The other behind you" Lmao

I think I may need a break idk

"Do not take it off" *immediately tries to take it off*

Sus Hetch sus that's not the first guy I don't think

Oh my God wait it really is such a good idea if they've replaced Hetch with another guy entirely instead of taking control of him that's so neat

I thought they fucking slipped lmao

"Selfie"? Someone make subtitles for Genloss please...

"Directory; You are Here" *shows window*

I can't believe they just got a whole fucking mall to themselves for this show that's dope

OH THAT'S WHERE SNEEG TRIED TO ESCAPE OH MY GOD

SECURITY YIPPEE :D

OH MY GOD THAT'S THE ROOM THAT'S THE FUCKING ROOM I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT HOLY SHIT THE SCREEN ARE THERE IN THE BACKGROUND MY GOD

Hetch becomes even more obviously villainous, because he's trying to act like the voice of reason "don't dwell on it" "don't worry about it" and so on, but it just sounds worse with phrases like "trust me" "you can't leave" "don't take the mask off" thrown in here and there

How many people did they get for the show...

"Do what I say and you won't have to worry about it" Yeah as if...

LMAO THE STREAM

"Do we have any money in the chat?"

Charlie is a good actor tbf

Also I see a Showfall mug on the table and now I want one

Wait why did they call it Day Z....

Showfall's outline for the show does look like what my outlines look like lmao

Strong Boo

IT DEFINITELY IS THAT ROOM OH MY GOD AND THE BOX IS JUST THERE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So even this "heart" is fake because the box is really clearly there, if it wasn't, you could argue that the screens are there for them to watch the show live, but the box IS there so it's not real, none of it is OH MY GOD

I saw so many people make such great points on Genless it's beautiful.

Also, I love how Hetch is like "ehh we don't know if they're good or not" but gets so pissed off when Ranboo doesn't do what the viewers picked, making himself out to be even more obvious of a villain. In our eyes, that is

"Just find a way out" Brother you saw the way out, Hetch just didn't let you go there because of your friends, whom you've also forgotten about at this point 🤨

Ohhh wait what if the Security like some people suggested used to be a Hero like Ranboo, and therefore the blood coming out if its room is not from someone it killed, but from itself?

Also, I wonder just how much control does Showfall have of everything

I wonder who these people are....

I HEAR CHARLIE

"At ten subs I'll be taking my balls out" WHAT

"TERMINATED" LMAO

Sub A lmao

Ah yes, my favourite store the Clunk

See, the fact that the Security beast also attacks Showfall employees makes even more sense if it really was a Hero of one of the shows

Holy shit Charlie is fucking ripped

I love how they politely let the cameraman inside before locking the door lmao

It is interesting that the.... oH MY FUCKING GOD OF COURSE THE CAMERAMAN IS STILL FILMING ALL OF IT I FORGOT

Boo runs so silly because of their long legs lmao

I have only 15 minutes left to watch and then the reward video, but like... dude

Oh yeah I still don't know what's up with Frank, is that gonna be in the reward video? I hope so, because I'm curious

And also I did not take a break lmao, I had to keep focus on the show, otherwise I wouldn't totally screwed myself over ☠️

Ohhh this might be the real Hetch or maybe it's just for the movie plot twist

Ewww wires

Cool

WHY DID YOU DROP THE KNIFE RANBOO

Ah, there's the cabin :3

Bye Charlie

Waaaaaah that was too much color and sound and noise

But holy shit that's so dope

NOT THE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING WAAAAAAAAAH

Oh wait, what if Hetch actually was a good guy but he died and Showfall repurposed him like he said

How is Ranboo not questioning the fact that the cameraman still exists and is working perfectly fine. Or do they not see it? But who were they bowing to, if they assume that the cameras aren't active anymore?

Oh hey an exit, I sure hope this is it :)

Right? :)

Nothing bad is gonna happen, right? :)

Oh hey Hetch :)

WAIT HUH

Episode Three was not named "The Hero," You're lying to me >:(

Oh no, they didn't, Hetch is just a bitch

Nope they weren't

LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR FUCK YOU HETCH!!!!

YIPPEE AUDIENCE CHOICE :)

Live 90% Die 10%

And then.... watch. Watch as it shifts towards die quickly, first 50/50

"LET ME DIE, PLEASE, JUST LET ME DIE"

And then BOOM

55% Die 45% Live

Oh my fucking God they show baby photos of the people holy shit

But then wait, if it's for sure Charlie Sneeg and Ranboo, who's the fourth one? Wait no, maybe these are Ranboo's childhood memories, they did say that they beamed a bunch of his memories into his brain during death

"The Audience.... has voted.... for you... to DIE." EPIC MOMENT

Ohhhhh I don't like how their body twitches after that thing clumps around their head

Now they see my blood on their sneakers :)

THAT WAS SUPER FUCKING EPIC GREAT JOB TEAM

Jerma was the creative consultant that's fucking hilarious

Lmao there's just a "Best Boy" category in the credits that's hilarious

THE GHOULS HECK YEAH❗️❗️

Hetch body double....? Huh.

Showfall Media CEO is Jacob Komar apparently

Holy shit there really is a ton of people who starred and worked on this it's fantastic

HUH

MISS ROADS? WHAT IS THIS

TREATMENT???

WAIT THAT'S THE ZERO PERSON THAT'S THEM THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT DREAMS AND THERE'S A TAPE THINGIE HOLY SHIT!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT WAAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THEY (SHE?) SAID CALL ME ZERO AAAAAAAAA

They even blacked out the rest of the saying to leave just "Zero" on the screen.....

And now, bonus "Reward" reaction:

OH MY GOD ITS MERCH WAAAAAAAH I WANT THAT GIMME GIMME GIMME!!

Wait huh....

Communication is key? You will need each other? It's our experiment now?

WAAAAAH THERE'S POSTERS TOO!!!!

I want all of it so bad.......

[justagalwhowrites]

THOUGHTS: Brad comes off slimy af immediately in that last scene. Insinuating he’ll make sure she’s set up at her dorm? Immediately offering one on one? Ugh, gross. Joel and Goldie are absolutely killing me. I completely understand why they’re both so afraid to talk about it — both felt rejected, and neither understands why, but it’s such a simple miscommunication. Goldie is gonna spiral when she realizes and Joel is going to totally beat himself up for inadvertently making her feel unwanted. I can’t remember if you’ve said how many chapters you’re expecting for this one… 🥹 I’d love to hear who you think Goldie might look like!

Also I am looking so forward to Mitchum getting absolutely wrecked now that we’re moving past the Joel thing in Yearling.

ALSO also I love the NIT thoughts and drabbles!! I like reader insert but I usually kinda make up my own version of reader in my head and it isn’t really me. But, I think I relate to her quite a bit and am also childfree. That’s definitely true for her! Though I love an AU.

OMG Hi Bestie!

YES he's such a fucking slime ball. He fully latched onto her and started leveraging his power, he's the worst. I'm glad it's understandable that they're so reluctant! I really don't want it to feel like I'm drawing it out for no reason but I do have a way I see the story playing out and I hope the story works well that way! I'm thinking Halcyon will be 20-30 chapters, probably closer to 30 tbh because I know myself lol things get longer as I write, not shorter! I'll share my FC for Goldie below the cut :)

And OMG yesssss lol don't worry, I'm not going to leave you hanging with Mitchum. He's out there and we are going to see him in the current timeline, not just flashbacks.

Ahh thank you about NIT! They're so fun to just noodle on sometimes. I think their relationship is so secure and healthy that it gives me a lot of room to just play with day to day scenarios and have it be fun and flirty and romantic. And yes! I love Beautiful! She's very much her own person and she knows what she wants out of life and, right now, she has it and I love that for her. But an AU with her would be very fun because - while I think she'd have a lot of anxiety about being a mother because she doesn't know how to be one based on her own mother's example - I think she'd be an amazing mom. Especially to a girl. She'd raise a very badass girl.

Thank you so much for reading and reaching out, Bestie!! Goldie FCs below the cut!

I totally picture Goldie as Amanda Seyfried but it took me a bit to settle on her!

Here she is in high school:

Kind of dorky and insecure but very obviously beautiful if you look for even half a second.

Here she is now:

I actually picture her author photo looking about like that. Very much came into her own over the last decade plus!

Other castings I considered:

Zendaya!

^High school Goldie

^Professor Goldie!

Emma Watson!

^ High School Goldie

^ Author portrait Goldie!

Finally, Iskra Lawrence! Though I've not been able to find a picture of her in her teen years so just have to use your imagination for high school Goldie :)

^Goldie by Joel's pool.

I hope this helps!

Love you!!!!

[dragonspine-jpg]

Helllooo! Im here to request for nsfw headcannons pls cause im starting work tomorrow and i need to bully some boys to feel better 😭

I was thinking of the reader(gn pls!) where theyve asked the boys to wear a red rope, shibari style, underneath their clothes and whenever no ones looking theyd softly carress the bindings through their clothes 🥺 But when they cost is clear, the reader would have them sit on their lap and theyd just shower them with praise while they over stim them 🙏

I hope this isnt too confusing YwY and if its still avail, id wanna be slime anon pls! >wo ~☆ anyways no rush! and thanks for taking your time to read this!

convincing them to wear shibari under their clothes (diluc, childe, kaeya)

when you tie up your boyfriend in red ropes and tease them in public, it leads to some rather enjoyable situations. who knew that them being such a good boy would earn them so much praise?

# * . & | characters: diluc, kaeya, childe.

# * . & | content: nsfw 18+ only, kaeya x reader, childe x reader, diluc x reader, smut, gn reader, dom! reader, sub! kaeya, sub! childe, established relationship, praise kink, overstim, shibari, bondage, semi-public, pegging, male receiving, soft sex, teasing, a bit of corruption kink, light choking, thigh riding, spitting into mouth, handjobs, you're a fatui harbinger in the childe one, a bit of possessiveness, mention of exhibitionism, slight mention of breeding kink, slight dumbification, story quest spoiler for childe’s real name. for childe’s section the reader is described as having a cock, i wrote this interpreting a strap/dildo but you can imagine it however you want (i tried to keep it as gn as possible)! honestly just teasing and bullying men ♡

# * . & | type: headcanons (i think, idk how to classify this tbh).

# * . & | word count: 7,768.

omg you're not stupid at all !! pls i've sent asks where i've forgotten to do the exact same thing hekjhsdkjfhd, you're fine! good luck with work! hopefully this lifts your spirits a little ♡ sorry that this took so long to get out! this request was so good and it took me like a week to complete  ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)  i hope the pegging for this ask is okay! my account will involve a LOT of pegging bc i like writing dom! reader and sub! male — so unless it’s specified in the ask to not involve male receiving then that’s probably what i’ll go for, for a sub male ♡

also this turned out so long? i have a major issue with chronically overwriting, but i don't think that's really a problem with smut. i mean, the more horny content the better, right?? diluc's is the longest because of this, 'cause i wrote his first and then realised i should make sure the others don't go for so many words 😩 anyway, i hope everyone enjoys this !!! thank you so much for the request ૮₍ ⸝⸝´ ꒳ `⸝⸝ ₎ა ♡

♡.

# * . & | DILUC

with diluc, it takes a bit of convincing

i imagine he's not super experienced in the sexual department, especially in terms of stuff outside of vanilla. like, yes, he gets railed and he's an expert at being your slut, but he's still being introduced to new kinks all the time. he's still not very used to relinquishing all his control

when you first introduced him to shibari in the bedroom, diluc was hesitant. as a warrior and a former knight, being tied up seemed a bit compromising for him. the two of you had done basic bondage before, but in those instances, it was still relatively easy to break free should he need to. shibari meant giving all control, and his entire body, over to you.

he fucking loved it.

he loved how prettied up it made him look, loved how much time you spent lovingly fussing over his body as you tied the knots of red rope, and he loved how it felt to give up all his control—his stress, his responsibilities as both the master of the dawn winery and the darknight hero—in favour of your careful caresses.

seeing as he liked it so much, and you were still insistent in showing diluc all kinds of new things as his partner, you came up with a brilliant plan.

it was a stroke of genius, really. that you'll tie shibari bindings around his chest, his abdomen, his thighs, and everywhere else sensual that will be hidden by diluc's clothing while he works his shift at the angel's share.

it does take a bit of convincing, because diluc is a firm believer in professionality (which is funny, considering you've railed him over the bar afterhours on at least two occasions, and once on the floor). most of all, he's just nervous—though he tries his best to hide that. but after an honest talk, he comes to you admitting that yes that would be something he would like to try, and yes he can do it while bartending if that's what you really want.

it's a delight to hear.

so, after some time and preparation, off to angel's share it is.

it's only really when you start touching him that diluc realises this was probably a mistake.

he's just tending the bar like normal when it happens, with you sitting across from him on a counter stool as per usual—nothing out of the ordinary for shifts like this. he doesn't even really think about the bindings aside from when they rub against his fair skin whenever he stretches just too far to reach an item. plus, you're sitting there so innocently, smiling and drinking apple cider.

no one would suspect you of having such filthy motives.

when your hand slips across the counter during his conversation with you—the rest of the tavern paying you no mind—it dips up the subtle curve of his waist and grazes where you know you left a knot beneath the shirt. a sweet, tantalising caress. your boyfriend jolts like you've just burned him with a pyro vision.

he instantly shuts up.

diluc looks scandalised. he gives you a wide-eyed expression of mild horror that silently says, 'what the fuck?' as you can't help but giggle a little, a smirk fitting itself across your face. he's so sweet. what did he think was going to happen?

his cheeks and ears are flushed a pretty red, and he coughs to clear his throat when a customer approaches the counter to order a dandelion wine. it's honestly adorable.

he'd be so nervous about anyone realising what's going on.

you know that he's now hyperaware of the ropes laced across his body, even as no one touches him. he's most definitely thinking about it, based on how he shivers every now and then and squirms a little under your gaze. cute, cute.

you don't stop the touching, of course.

that evening, it becomes second nature that anytime no one is looking, you're discreetly sliding your hand across the bar counter and pressing your fingers against spots in his clothes where you know the ropes are crossed.

to his waist, chest, thigh.

at some point, the tavern gets particularly busy, and with him being the only one tending to the bar tonight, he begins to become overrun by patrons ordering drinks.

like you do on some nights when angel's share gets this bad, you stand up from your stool and offer diluc a smile, rounding the bar. "it's alright, love. i'll help you free of charge."

you're quick to hop around the counter and start conjuring up drinks like the way that diluc has taught you, handing him a few ingredients.

of course, you have ulterior motives.

now you're pressed side-to-side with diluc. he's trapped in the same proximity as you, with both of your bodies hidden from the waist down by the grace of the bar's tall counter.

cyrus—who was in the middle of ordering a drink—chuckles at your enthusiasm to help your boyfriend bartend, even on what's clearly a night off for you, "such a generous partner you have, diluc."

diluc represses a shiver as your finger traces a rope at his thigh, running from his skin to the rope to his skin again, and pressing it in. there's no way he's going to survive this night.

smiling sweetly, you share a soft laugh with cyrus. "oh, it's nothing. luc loves the help." diluc manages to finish mixing the drink without dropping anything, and when cyrus is heading back to his seat again your fingers caress the rope down at his pelvic bone.

diluc's red eyes dart to meet your face. "stop that," he mutters, trying to be some sense of firm. he's flustered, and his ears are red.

you want to coo to him, to tease him and offer him some praise if he does good. you don't, because the two of you are still in public. and letting his desires simmer while going untouched is a wondrous thing.

you watch all night as he begins to unravel little by little. he starts to anticipate your touches at any time, shivering prematurely before you can even caress the hard work that you tied him up with earlier: that no one knows is there except for you. you watch as he resists the urge to become pliant beneath your touches, the both of you mixing drinks as your hand—hidden behind the cover of the bar—grazes the ropes on the small of his back, the curve of his ass.

it's delicious.

just imagine how silently desperate he'd be? having to act normal at his job when there's nothing more that he wants than to let you have your way with him.

to let your fingers dance between sweaty bare skin and red ropes.

unfortunately, that's not an option. he's left to suffer in silence, much to your arousal and enjoyment.

there's one point—as everyone in the tavern is preoccupied with something else—when you steal a chaste kiss to his lips, and your finger raises to swipe across the ropes surrounding his nipple. the sound of his sharp, whiney, inhale of a gasp is smothered in your cheek as he abruptly turns his head to hide the sound. diluc stumbles back so quickly you almost fear he's going to fall over. luckily, everyone in angel's share seems too preoccupied with a bawdy bard in the tavern's corner to notice what just occurred.

no one seems to pick up on the way that diluc has gotten increasingly shifty on his feet during the night, nor the fact that he can't seem to shake his heavy breathing or dilated pupils.

he's also incredibly hard behind the bar, but you're the only one privy to that.

when it's finally closing time, and all of the patrons are gone, you can't help but be smug as you take a seat in one of the empty chairs. the night had gone exactly how you'd planned. now all that's left is diluc, as he locks up the front door and puts items behind the bar away—not managing to go a few seconds without shooting a glance towards you. you can tell his gaze lingers on the way you're sat on the chair, spread a little. the perfect seat for him.

and the poor thing really needs it. he's stiff while he's packing things away, his breathing a little tight. it's been a long night at work, and he's been suffering so well this entire time. he's done everything to be good, well and truly. and he's managed to hold out so well... there was nothing that made you happier than diluc doing his very best to please you.

"come, diluc." you beckon to him, crooking a finger. when he glances over to you, his red eyes are a little glassy with delectable lust.

slightly disgruntled, diluc walks towards where you're perched on the seat. when he reaches you, your fingers latch in his belt loops and tug him closer—so he now stands in front of your knees, arms crossed. he tries to hide his obvious flustered state with a miffed expression, "i can't believe you did that when there were customers around." it does nothing to hide the fact that you can see how full-blown his pupils are, or the fact that his breathing is a little staggered with a mixture of arousal and anticipation.

once again, you laugh a little. teasing him is too fun. you tug again at his belt loop with a finger, but he refuses to budge this time. stubborn thing. he wants so bad to please you, but tries to hide it. "you were such a good boy, though," you hummed, the praise causing a shiver to wrack through him. his eyes are averted, arms still crossed tightly in a nonchalant manner to feign disinterest. "come on, i told you to sit." you spread your legs a little so that diluc can straddle your lap when he relents. your bodies are pressed flushed together. he's already hard—probably painfully so, at this point, from the way you'd been casually edging him all night. now free to do whatever you like, both of your hands trail up his clothed chest, bumping over the different bindings of rope beneath his shirt, until you can thumb at his nipples. "already so worked up for me, huh?"

he lets out a low groan, still somewhat resisting the urge to succumb entirely. he probably is a little annoyed at how well you'd played him behind the bar while he was working. "what if someone had noticed what we were doing?" he mutters, still set on chastising you.

his weight on your lap is a heavy comfort as you begin to peel off his clothes—first his jacket, then his shirt. he lets you without a complaint. you make sure to caress your fingers over every exposed rope as you go. "would you have liked that, diluc? would you have liked people knowing you were my perfect slut?"

the sound that diluc lets out then is suffering. something trapped between a low moan and a hitch of breath. "stop that," he murmurs, as you lick up his throat. his skin is hot with a flush, and he shivers bodily when you peel off his undershirt, leaving him exposed to the air of the empty tavern.

you hum, "tell me, baby." when diluc finally moans, you pull back and get a good look at him. your handiwork has paid off. the red bindings—which perfectly matches the colour of his hair, and is rivalled almost by the hot pink blush creeping across his face and chest—lace around his figure in the most delicate way possible. they diamond over his chest, curving around his nipples with barely any space. they're knotted at his torso and arch out with graceful wings of crimson. each segment is made to show off an aspect of your boyfriend: his abs, the curve of his abdomen, his pecs. it's a notably more feminine design. it fits his chest and absurdly slim waist perfectly. beneath his pants, the pretty red bands of rope constricting his thighs are revealed. delectable strips of pale skin between lacing red.

he looks delicious. all wrapped up in a testament of your care for him, and his trust of you.

they've rubbed a little into his skin, particularly around his mouth-watering thighs. "ah," you sigh contently, clearly pleased with him, and he squirms a little under your unspoken pride. your thumb strokes over his thigh, caressing teasingly. the darknight hero... succumbing so easily to you. "look at you—you've done such a good job, baby."

he preens a little, tilting his head back as you knead the muscles of his thighs. "you only did this to be cruel to me." still complaining... his voice is throaty and breathless.

"you've got it all wrong, diluc," you murmur, and lower your mouth to press your tongue against his stiff nipple. he makes a surprised sound and grips his hand into your hair. "i did this because i knew how pretty you'd look. and i knew you'd do amazing." his breath stutters at your words. there goes that composure... looking up at him, you watch his eyes flutter shut as your mouth moves to lick and suck at his other nipple—sensitive from the binds rubbing against them beneath his shirt. your fingers splay across his waist, tugging at the ropes. he sucks in breath through his teeth.

"i don't—"

"you did so fucking well, baby. don't you think you deserve a reward?" your nail trails down the curve of his spine. his whole body quakes.

your tongue glides across a line of the binding ropes before you lean back up, holding onto his ponytail and looking him in the face. you get the perfect view of his right eyebrow twitching—wanting to stay strong and proud, to not submit. it's a losing battle. he's obviously excruciatingly turned on, to the point where his neglected cock is practically begging for attention in your lap. "you can't— we can't do this type of thing in this establishment—"

a giggle escapes you as you spread your legs wider and press your fingers to his dick, effectively cutting off his stammering attempt at composure. "but you're so gorgeous, luc. i can't wait to take you apart. so beautiful all for me." the praise and touch clearly goes to his head, his lips parting. his cheeks are a constant shade of delicate pink. "that feels good, right?"

yeah, it definitely does something to him, because then all he can murmur is a weak, "fuck," as he desperately grinds his hip against the air. his hands carefully clutch your waist as to not fall off of your lap.

"you do love being tied up like this," the muse leaves your mouth. with one hand, you take hold of his leaking cock and stroke it leisurely. your slick fingers twist and caress down the pretty veins as diluc groans and grinds deeply into the wet hole of your hand. the ropes look beautiful as he stretches his body. "you've gotten yourself so riled up for me. tell me what you wanted to do at the bar, sweetheart."

the soft pet name makes him choke out a gentle sound, face screwing up. so sweet... you line his face with kisses and continue to stroke him as he gets out a stammering, "want— wanted you to touch me."

you messily press your lips to his—he opens instantly, obediently, only to have you pull away before he can totally lose himself in the sensation of your wet mouth and tongue. "is that the best you can come up with, baby?"

he groans as you twist your hand. "hah—! i wanted your hands all over me—to show me, shit, how much you needed me." his blush glows red in the dim tavern lights. "wanted you to fuck me over the bar."

"really?" you hum, smiling with amusement. "with all of those other people there? how precious, luc."

his pretty eyelashes flutter. "i—"

"so that's what you want, huh? i was worried that this plan was all for me, but no. you really are my sweet thing—you loved getting all hot and bothered while you were at work. loved me touching you behind the counter. you couldn't stop thinking about it, huh? oh, diluc, you were so good for holding back." you continue working his cock.

"f-fuck..."

"or is it just that you love being mine, hmm?" your fingers press into his mouth to wet them with drool before you slick his dick up. his mouth stays open, now. diluc's eyes are lidded with need. "you liked knowing you belonged just to me. you like knowing that i was thinking about your pretty self under your clothes all night. huh?"

his hips are stuttering, the tip of his pretty dick red. "yes."

"yes?" you hum, pleased, picking up the pace of your hand. "who would've thought."

diluc's breath hitches. his face is so relaxed, throat swallowing as his adam's apple bobs. you lick off the perspiration beaded there. "can i—?" he pants on a moan. "can i cum? please?"

that sends a hot flush throughout your body, stomach coiling. you've given him no orders that he can't hit his orgasm, but he's holding back and asking for permission anyway. he wants to be good.

ignoring the way arousal rushes hot through you, your fingers card through his hair. "yes, baby, you can cum for me."

it only takes a few more strokes after your words to have his thighs shaking and breaths stuttering, cumming with a loud cry all over your hand. some of it splashes onto his defined torso, painting his abs white. it's such a pretty view, especially with the way his entire body stutters. a warrior, so big and strong, undoing like putty on your lap. whimpers of your name, and, "yes, yes," spill from his lips.

one of your hands cards through his pretty hair as you continue to stroke his oversensitive cock lightly. it makes him whine torturedly, rutting up. "think you can keep going?" you ask diluc.

"shit," he whispers, tilting his head back with his pretty eyes shut. "al— already? i— i can't—" his whole body rocks in your lap as he writhes from the overstimulation. diluc's soft moans and pants fill the air around you.

"you can," you murmur, egging him on as he continues to fuck into your hand despite his complaints. "you're doing so well for me, luc. you've been so fucking pretty all day. do you know how hard it was to keep my hands off of you?" his fingers on either of your hips will no doubt leave bruises tomorrow, as he grips you excruciatingly tight. the hold gives him the leverage he needs to perfectly rut into your curled fingers.

"n-n— ahhh..."

"you've been so lovely today, all prettied up." the praises spill easily from your lips. he deserves to be filled with pleasure until he can't walk anymore. you lean in, murmuring gently in his ear, "was so hard for me to keep my hands to myself. i wanted to get you into the backroom so i could have choked on your dick. you'd have been good and quiet for me, wouldn't you?" diluc's eyes roll back as he moans in agreement, fucking faster into the sticky mess of your hand. it's filthy. "i thought about tying you up the rest of the way and leaving you spread out on the bar. i think you'd have stayed there all night for me. and, of course, i considered pushing you down and fucking you in front of everyone. showing off my ropes, showing how my pretty little slut gets bred so good, so eagerly. i think you'd have let me, too." his poor cock twitches.

"Y/N—..."

"that wouldn't do, though. these ropes are for me only." you tugged at the ones at the curve of his spine. they bit a little into his skin. "if anyone else saw them, our little secret would be up. and i know you like being my secret little slut."

when he finally cums once more, it's with a long whine. the empty interior of angel's share is filled with heavy breaths, squelching, your filthy words, and diluc's obscene vocalisations. despite his recent orgasm, you keep milking him for all he has.

"fuck, Y/N, i can't do it..." he looks to be in pain, somewhere between an overwhelming amount of pleasure and suffering. cheeks pink, glassy eyes watery, drooling a little. to shut him up, you shove your mouth against his. he kisses back messily, tongue dragging over your teeth. diluc whimpers into your mouth as he arches back, naked body gleaming with sweat and cum and laced with such pretty red ropes. his hair falls around him, damp.

your strokes don't cease.

"oh, gods— ah— ngh— Y/N, no more. please. i can't— there's no way i can—" he's a debauched mess. sweat runs down his pecs and shines over his hard nipples.

"wanna use your safeword, baby?"

desperately, he shakes his head. his long, unruly hair tumbles over his shoulders, so voluminous even tucked back into its ponytail. a pitiful sound nearing a whimper leaves his lips as his fingers clutch at your shoulder. head tilted back, eyes shut, mouth open. he looks so goddamn pretty. pretty, pretty, pretty.

"you're doing such a good job. i can't wait to fuck you stupid when we get home."

his head lolls on his shoulders at that. tossed back so his throat is exposed while he lets out a long, hoarse groan. he fluctuates between deep sounds and breathless whines. with his strong legs straddling you, delicious thighs clenching like a vice around your hips and laced with shibari ropes, diluc has never looked so beautiful. he's a dream.

"yeah, just like that luc. i love you so much, you know?"

it's clear that he wants to say it back but can't manage the three words between his scrambled brain and the overwhelming amount of pleasure frying his senses. instead, he makes a broken sound. it sounds a little bit like a keen, a little bit like a sob.

"mmm, i know," you murmur, very softly. "good boy."

♡.

# * . & | CHILDE

it wasn't even much of a question for childe.

this man is a whore, he's down for anything—just name the time and place. shibari is never something he's taken outside of the bedroom but you can bet he's laughing and nodding along when you suggest such a thing. he'd practically jump at the opportunity.

the morning you choose to tie him up happens to be a harbinger meeting.

with you at his left side, there's not much he can do to escape you or your touches. not that he tries, though. he's a total slut for being teased. he just finds so much amusement and arousal in you working him up. the fact that it usually ends with him as a boneless mess is a bonus too.

so, the two of you are halfway through the fatui harbinger meeting before your touches begin.

they start light, with you grazing your pinky finger across the outside of his thigh, and him trying to mask his smirk. the closer you get to his crotch as you move your hand over his inner thigh has him squirming in his seat to try to stay discreet.

it's pretty difficult for him to pay attention to the important meeting, though he pretends.

at one point, your finger grazes down the ropes and caresses rather firmly at his hard-on. childe jolts and his knee hits the table, rocking the entire thing. several harbingers shoot him exasperated looks, but it ultimately returns to normal. covering his mouth to feign a cough, you catch a peek of childe's smile—amused and devilish—behind his fingers. clearly, he's having fun too.

oh, this is good.

your touches for the rest of the meeting consist of: grazing the ropes at the base of his spine; tracing his pelvic line; grabbing his ass; tracing his waste; pulling one of the ropes at his torso so it grazes over his nipple; and caressing his thighs.

he's too gorgeous and smug not to touch all over.

by the time it's over, childe is aptly pink in the face from lust and his breathing is notably uneven. not to mention, he's incredibly hard. each time you press your palm over his boner he resists the urge to buck up into your hand, and instead grips the edge of the table with his fingers. he still seems smug, though.

pierro calls the meeting to a close. the harbingers evacuate at a rapid pace—several shooting you looks, such as signora's clear judgemental distaste, and scaramouche's halfway between disgusted and amused expression—until the only ones remaining in the enclosed room are you and childe.

he's instantly insufferable, turning his head towards you with a sly grin. "what now, sweetheart?" he knows he won't get far with his teasing, but it's still fun on his part. of course, nothing can hide how hard he is—now free to lean back in his chair, spread his legs, and raise his knee. it reveals how aroused he really is in his tight pants.

you smirk and pat your thighs. "why don't you come find out, hmm?"

he's quick to clamber into your lap, straddling you with his ankles hooked around the back of the chair. one of his hands steadies itself on your shoulder.

the first thing you do is get a hand down his pants. he breathes out a moan and grins lazily down at you when you wrap a hand around him, your thumb swiping over the leaking tip that's left a wet spot on the front of his clothes. such a whore, even if he tries to act like it doesn't affect him.

"so, did you enjoy your little experiment?" he asks, pressing your lips together. he instantly opens his mouth, licking into yours without shame. he bites lightly on your tongue. by the time you pull him back with your fingers on his chin, he's grinding into your lap and there's a string of saliva connecting the two of you.

"you did so well," you murmur, mouthing at the pale expanse of his throat. he always bruises so nicely. "if i were mean i'd ask you to wear these all of tomorrow too. i bet you look so pretty in them."

he rolls his hips a little desperately and runs his tongue over his teeth. "ha. you think so?"

it's hard to tell if he's going to be a brat, or if he'll submit the moment you show any signs of extending control, so you decide to test it out. your free hand creeps up and intertwines in locks of his orange hair. then, sharply, you pull.

he whines.

"there you are," you whisper, leaving a line of hickeys over his adam's apple while you keep his head wrenched back. "gonna keep being good for me?"

"fuck yes," childe breathes, and hurries to pull off his upper clothes while you coat his bared throat in spit and red marks that will remain for days. licking at his collarbones has him trembling and he leans back a little, using his legs around the chair and the edge of the table pressing against the curve of his spine as leverage. it spreads his legs even wider. a desperate mess.

"hmm, good boy," you can't help but praise, stroking his drooling cock a little harder. his hips roll. "let me get a good look at you." smiling, he stretches back to show himself off. the red ropes stretch horizontally across his chest, then up on either side of his neck and down to frame his abs. they loop around each other at his torso—an exquisite design of knots and bindings running along each muscle. the final ropes stretch down to follow the 'v' of his waist into his crotch. it makes you want to finish the job: bind his arms back and leave him helpless.

instead, you can't help but smile at the way he shows himself off when you finger him open, prepping him while he makes loud, desperate noises. it's impossible to ignore the way his muscles twitch and stretch with each movement you make. so pretty. when you finally enter him, he's clenching around you with desperation, groaning as you sheathe yourself inside him. he's clearly enjoying himself, trapping you in with his thighs.

"so obedient, ajax," you muse, and he whimpers at the secret name shared only between the two of you. your fingers graze down the ropes on his shoulders. he groans lewdly, leaning back, the curve of his spine braced against the edge of the table as he arches dramatically. leave it to childe to put on a show.

he makes a submissive, desperate sound when you start to move, holding his hips still and rocking up into him achingly slow. "please," he begs. there's the ghost of a breathy smile on his face, a little blissed out already. "don't stop."

oh, is he in for a ride.

the speed that you end up fucking him at has your hips slamming against his pelvis as he bounces on your cock. he's leaning back, still tucked in your lap with his back arched and his spine pressed against the side of the meeting table. the muscles in his torso twitch and strain. childe's entire body jolts with each sharp thrust, and he's moaning uncontrollably. there's sweat that's beading on his forehead, a red tinge around his nipples from how much they've been toyed with, and his poor untouched cock is leaking. all in all, he looks pornographic.

"archons," you murmur in awe, trailing your fingers down the bindings that lead to his hard cock, as he lets out a loud, strangled cry. that's the other thing about fucking childe. you can always count on him to be loud enough for everyone in the building to hear. you still aren't entirely sure if it's exhibitionism, or if he's doing it solely to show how good you make him feel, or if he's simply just that uncontrollably noisy. it's no wonder the other harbingers had evacuated the room as fast as they did. "what did i do to deserve something as pretty and slutty as you?"

"Y/N," he whines theatrically, legs tucked around your back in an attempt to get you deeper. "fuck me."

a laugh leaves your mouth as you trail your nails across his chest and end up teasing with his nipples. "what do you think i'm doing? look how well you're taking me." you take that moment to fully admire him. slowing down a little, leaning back so you can see the way he arches to accommodate your girth, how he fits around you. his strong thighs are tensed, hole messy and lubed. he whines pitifully in agreement, writhing and bucking—unable to stay still even for a second.

you force his hips up higher to get a better angle, drilling the tip of your cock into his prostate with each mean thrust.

"oh, god!" he stumbles over his words, blush spread across his face and down his pale chest. he's drooling a little. it's obscene.

you could laugh at the way his eyes roll back and his hands slide desperately along the fatui meeting table for anything to hold—to clutch onto while you fuck him hard, fast and mean. your thumb rubs along his hipbone, other hand braced on his toned stomach as your deep thrusts continue. "look how fucking pretty you are, ajax. wish i had my kamera here. you'd look so sweet captured like this for me." your words make him arch his back further, because this man is insanely flexible, and he shudders at the thought of himself at this moment being immortalised on a roll of film. "you're so adorable, spread out like this." his thighs twitch with your words. who other than you would ever think that the infamous eleventh harbinger would be such a pure whore for praise? "i bet there's not a thought going on inside your pretty head, is there?"

"please," he begs in a choked reply, lashes fluttering while you ram him repeatedly into your cock.

"mmm," you hum in confirmation, pulling a finger at some of the bright red bindings laced across his chest. "that's what i thought."

childe can go for a long time. he can take a lot. he'll just clutch at you and beg for more while you give him orgasm after orgasm, greedy and well-fucked. sometimes he'll beg for it until he passes out. (and then he'll complain later, when he's awake, that you stopped to let him rest—greedy thing). childe is insatiable. especially today, after all your caresses and teases while in a very important debrief meeting. even more so with the fact that he's all prettied up with red rope and feeling extra fuckable.

you make him cum, and cum, and cum, until he's a pliant, boneless mess—now, just laid with his back fully pressed against the table. he still grips onto your hip as you fuck him. desperate as ever. even if the only sounds filling from his mouth at this point are breathless pleas and noises of pleasure.

he's a sight to behold.

a murmur leaves your mouth, "ajax." he opens his eyes obediently, looking at you with a glassy, blissed-out gaze. it's both adoring and lust-filled. smiling at his compliance, you lean over him and grab his cheeks with your fingers, puckering his lips a little. your hips continue to slam against his. smiling in a daze, childe opens his mouth obediently. like always. even sticks out his tongue to let a line of spit leave your mouth and roll past his waiting lips. childe's lidded, fucked-out eyes look up at you contently. he moans in enjoyment. greedy slut.

with possessive adoration, you squeeze the sides of his throat. your fingers dig in. it's not enough to really deprive him of any oxygen, but it's the feeling of you having total control that he craves. you feel the sound vibrate in his throat as he whines, letting his head fall back again. it makes a sound as it hits the table—you make a mental note to ice his skull later. fortunately, he doesn't seem to notice. he's much too focused on moaning and shaking through whatever number orgasm of the night this is, mouth shaped into an 'o' but tilting upwards with a blissful half-conscious smile at the corners.

"just like that. you feel so amazing for me, ajax."

♡.

# * . & | KAEYA

you've done shibari on kaeya before. very little beats seeing him all tied up and breathless and begging, bound prettily without a single chance of escape. the different designs, the different colours... the utterly debauched way he looks with his hair loose and his eyepatch gone as he just begs you to touch him, to do anything.

yeah.

from that, spawns this idea, which he flirtily agrees to (of course) with his large hands around your waist.

now, one thing kaeya loves is taking you out on the town. date nights, shopping, browsing for clothes, even running mondstadt errands for the knights. with your arm linking through his, or your hands clasping together, he basically parades you around anywhere.

this is one of those evenings.

the streets of mondstadt are relatively busy when the both of you go out—ropes hidden beneath his clothing, as his hand guides you by resting on the small of your back. the bindings aren't as uncomfortable as he imagined they would be, as you flit from shop to shop, buying some flowers and sitting down for a brief bite at good hunter.

he would have almost forgotten entirely about them if it wasn't for your goddamn wandering hands.

of course, this is what you had planned for the whole time. when you walk through an underpass and your finger grazes over his ass (he can't help but to smirk at that), and ends up lightly caressing the criss-cross pattern of ropes over the backs of his thighs. or when you make a point of touching his chest before you point for something to do, or while leaning in to speak to him. your palm presses right over the different knots.

you can't help but slide your hand inside the gap in the breast of his shirt, too. to hook a finger around one of the pretty, hidden strings and tug. it shifts the bindings that are pressed tightly over his nipples. he actually stiffens at that, composure breaking for a moment. it's beautifully hot. especially when he turns his head to look at you, starry eye flashing and a grin gracing his face, and says, "so this is the game, huh?"

by the time you get home hours later, pretty much no one but you would be able to tell the difference. he still has an arm around your waist, is still joking with you. but there's something desperate in his gaze, and his breathing is hot and heavy.

you instantly go to fall back on the couch—dragging him in by the metal link on his collar. you coax kaeya's form right into your lap. he's grinning cockily, even as you smooth your hands over his shoulders and drag them across his biceps.

"you've been perfect for me today," you breathe against the shell of his ear, biting softly at his lobe in that way he loves. your fingers coax his long hair out of its ponytail, until it spills down his back and over his shoulders in waves. he always looks so pretty like this.

"does this mean i deserve a reward?" he teases back, and kisses softly at the inside of your wrist when you remove his eyepatch. his inky eye underneath glimmers, singular star pupil amongst all that black night shining. this is how you like him best. all his guards let down, just yours. your hands cup kaeya's face.

humming gently, you smile. "of course. you've been so good." experimentally, you push the pad of your thumb against his soft lower lip, tugging it down ever so slightly. kaeya can't help but grin when his tongue darts out to lick the finger, only to have you push your thumb further past his waiting lips. he sucks on it obediently.

with your other hand—and his help—you undress him, until he's bare except for the red ropes lacing prettily across his body. it's a sight. the bindings that run right across his nipples have made them puffy and stiff, practically begging to be played with, and the muscles of his thighs strain adorably against the ropes. at his chest is the prettiest addition of all: a lovely diamond right between his pecs.

your eyes are lidded when you murmur, "you're so delightful like this, kaeya." with a coy smile, your thumb rubs over one of his sore-looking nipples, and he jolts a little at the sensation. the flirty grin still hasn't slipped from his face—he's a master at that—but it's clear he's almost far gone already.

"i try," is the tease that leaves his mouth, though his confidence fades a little when you trail your fingers from his nipples, down the curve of his waist, and finally settle your hands on his hips. you shift him so that he's straddling a thigh, one of your legs pressed between his own.

you lean in. "ride my thigh, baby," you tell him lowly, layering kiss after kiss over his neck. "you deserve it."

kaeya is quick to comply, holding back a moan as he lowers himself fully and begins to rut. it feels dirty, undignified, as he humps down on the soft flesh of your thigh, rocking back and forth and moaning at the friction. it feels incredible against his hard cock.

"archons," he hisses, putting a hand on your shoulder and another one on your knee so he can get the best possible angle. from there, you guide his hips and ass—pushing him down further, harder. every now and then, his knee presses against your own crotch, shooting fleeting waves of pleasure right through you. your hands remain on him. helping him, encouraging him, manhandling him as his arms loop around the back of your neck, elbows resting just on your shoulders, and his head falling against your chest. the noises that leave his mouth as he grinds desperately on your thigh—soft swears of "fuck" and "shit, shit"—tumble out of his parted lips in broken whimpers. all his composure is draining.

it feels too good for him to stop. kaeya keeps going, harder and harder, faster and faster, letting out lewd sounds as he grinds down onto your leg filthily. precum smears over your thigh.

"that's it." your fingers tease through his loose, pretty hair. his head lolls forward on your shoulder in response, hips stuttering. "mmm. you've been so good for me. did so well for me earlier, i could barely keep my hands off of you. you just know how pretty you are, don't you?"

"all for you," kaeya tries to tease smugly into the skin of your throat, but it comes out as more of a breathless grunt. any praise about his appearance always goes right to the foggy part of his head.

your hands gripping his ass guide him as he gets off on your thigh, his pretty, long cock drooling over you. "that's right, for me," you hum appreciatively, fingers kneading at his cheeks. he makes a low keening noise. "can't wait to mess you up. you're gorgeous like this, but you're even prettier all fucked out and helpless."

"heh, shit," he half-chuckles, half-moans. "you're so fuckin' hot." his tone is stretched a little thin.

he supresses a full-blown mewl when you spread his cheeks and press a fingertip against his hole. "you close? yeah?"

"mmm," he groans, burying his head momentarily in the crook of your neck as his hips stutter, pausing his long thrusts to grind down hard in a single spot. his mouth is wet and parted against your skin. kaeya's breath comes out hot and staggered. then, he tosses his head back with a blissful expression. "Y/N!" he cums like that, moaning out your name, shoots white ropes over your thigh and stomach and making a mess.

encouragingly, your hands slip down from where you'd been assisting him in his ministrations. your nails graze the bare skin of his spread thighs. at the sensual, tickling feeling, kaeya shivers. from there, you grab the backs of his knees and haul him closer. lift your thigh and continue rubbing it over his sensitive cock while he grunts—encouraging him to continue. obediently, he does. "there you go, pretty thing. you're doing so well." kaeya gasps, face darkened with blush, refusing to break eye contact with you no matter how much his lashes want to flutter shut. soft, desperate sounds leave his parted, plush lips. his mouth is lined with spit. "how many more can you do for me?"

he tries to pull one of his crooked grins at that, but it's dampened a bit by how much he's panting. "want to find out?"

yes. you most definitely do.

you work him up more, fisting his cock in your hands, relishing in the way he grins and moans. you kiss around the skin of his right eye when he gets so whiney that he almost forgets how to breathe. "just relax, baby," the coo leaves your mouth. you bite at the shell of his ear again. "relax."

"you— you're—" his far-gone eyes stare at you adoringly, struggling to focus his gaze. kaeya's lips are puffy, well-bitten, and his throat is lined with dark love bites. not to mention the way his loose hair drapes around him. so pretty...

"shhh," you murmur, giving him your all, as both of your slick hands slide up and down his hard length. "that's it."

you give him... everything.

from thigh-fucking, to blowing him, to having bounce on your fingers—you can't stop overdosing him on pleasure. watching him write within the confines of the pretty, pretty ropes that he'd worn hidden all day just for you, while he whines your name and is reduced to a whimpering, begging mess is too enticing.

it ends with him face-down on the couch, ass up, moaning like a whore after whatever number of orgasms he is on now. the red still decorates his skin deliciously.

"so good," you coo. "my precious boy. wish you could see how well you can take my fingers. how pretty you look." kaeya groans again, hiccupping a little, legs spreading wider. his hair pools around him like starry strands of the sea. still, it's a shame you can't see the blissed-out expression on his face. your hand taps firmly at his hip. "look at me, baby."

obediently, he turns his head to the side. his single black eye stares desperately at you, lined with overwhelmed tears of pleasure. his mouth can no longer seem to close. it remains parted, hitched with small breaths and moans with each movement that you make. he loves being overstimulated, but he can never take it that well.

"there you go. good boy." the both of you are such a mess, ropes digging into his flesh. if he'd known wearing shibari under his clothes would have you like this, he'd have done it earlier. your mouth leaves more marks up the expanse of his back—from the strong muscles, to the curve of his spine, to his pretty shoulders. you sink your teeth into a particularly sensitive spot that has him grinding down into the couch. "gorgeous," you murmur. "so beautiful, kaeya. that's good. so pretty. can't believe i'm the only one who has you like this."

it's those words that sets him over. he wails, and cums for the nth time that night.

♡.

©dragonspine-jpg 2021. do not replicate or repost my works elsewhere.

MY NAVIGATION PAGE

teasing these boys is my favourite thing !!! thank you so much for this ask ♡ my requests are currently open!

[owaowabetch]

Minecraft Part 2 (Sykkuno x F!Reader)

Oneshot (maybe part of a series??? at this point probs): Chaos in the server, Will a deal entice you to become part of the comfy cartel? Or will you resist the temptation of the deal and side with the resistance? Friendship and a lil romance (oohhh things are starting to heat up)

Warning:Non beta (cuz we baddies purr); part of Uh-oh & Impasta

You had been streaming Minecraft for about 4 hours when you decided to end it for a small meal break. Though ending stream didn’t stop you from continuing playing with your friends. Unfortunately, Sykkuno had not been on while you were streaming, since you did so quite earlier than usual, but you wanted to remodel your minecraft home; turning the once pink wooden home to a white quartz block using the obscene amount of quartz that Jae gifted you as to entice you to join his faction in the sever. It was a nice bribe gift, but you have yet to align yourself with the ressistance or the comfy cartel. 

So, while gettin gifted quartz blocks was nice, hearing that Toast gave Lily a gun enticed you more.But you doubt Toast’s whole character arc will entrust you with one. You maybe be living with his ‘right-hand’ man, but he seems to be slowly on a downward spiral. Kind of like a crazy wacky scientist- he’s doofenshmirtz. 

Anyways you had completed the finishing touches on your remodeled, when you saw in the little chat that Sykkuno was on. “ OH!OH!OH! SYKKUNO!”

You were excited to show him the newly made house. The house was three levels to your house, but you’re mostly wanna show him the basement area.

You saw the iconic teal shirt paired with the green stripped scarf boxy figure making their way towards you. You emoted the cheering pose and happily called out to him “Hi Sykkuno!” 

“Hey, Y/n!” He cheered back coming closer “I have something for you!” 

You start jumping up and down “Present!” You like getting free things, especially if it comes from someone you like....as a friend of course. Yup yup, just as a friend. As, he stood in front of you he laughed “What are you doing?” watching your character wave their arms around

You laughed back at him “Just happy to see you!”

“Well, I’m always happy to see you!” Sykkuno chirps out and adds on with a slight stutter “C-cause we’re friends! I’m always happy to see such a great friend!”

Feeling the high of him telling you how he was always happy to see you was crushed by him reminding you that friends is all that you both may only ever be. So with the disappointment lingering and the excitement wearing off, you just mutter a reply back. “Yes! The bestest of friends!”

“Yup, yup. Anyways have some water mills” He throws some black blocks with blue markings on them “Follow me!” You both ran near your home “Claim this bit of land” and you did so. “Now, dig like a 3 by 6 hole and place two water mills close to each corner and one in the middle bottom”(1). You followed his instructions “Ok, so im just gunna place the water” You watched him do so “Ok! I think it’s all good and ready to go!”

You crouch and inch around the hole “What is it?”

“Ok well you know how I got you that green lasso that has you swinging and jumping all over the place with the slime boots?” Sykkuno asks crounching up right beside you 

“Yea yea!” You crouch and uncrouch in circles around him

“Well I have something even better!” He cheers “Eh” he grunts and throws a ring on the floor. You awe and oh as you put the ring in your hot bar “How cute! It has little wings on it!” 

“Yea! It’s a special ring” Sykkuno tells you 

“Special ring?...Are you proposing to me! OMG Sykkuno” You joke 

“Wah?” Spluttering out in confusion but deciding to play along “I mean are you accepting?”

You laugh “Woah, Sy! How bold of you sir”

He giggles back to you before teaching you how and where to put the ring. “OK do you have it on?”

You jump up and down in response allowing the slime boots to spring you up higher. “Yup Yup”

“Ok so, why don’t you take off your slime boots and then press the space bar” He jumps up and down, which you do. You gasp as you are lifted into the air “Sy! Look! Im flying!!” He is in the air next to you “I can see! Cause I am also flying!”

“How are we doing this! This is so fucking cool!” You laugh as you start moving around in the air “WAIT! Are you streaming? I’m so sorry!”

He laughs as he starts following you around in the air “It’s fine, but the ring I gave you is an angel ring. As long as your wearing it, then you can just fly around”

“Wow! Thanks Sykkuno!” You cheer and you walk around in the air “Clean! Clean!” 

“Yea, Of Course! It’ll be alot easier for you to get to places faster” He explains once more “Now, my chat has been going crazy and telling me that you redid our house?”

Excitement lit through you as you were ready to show him the remodeling works that you’ve done “Yes! I did! I’m so excited to show you” You move your camera out of first person and notice your character wearing a pair of white wings on your back “Oh my god! Sykkuno! I didn’t know that there was actual wings that appear on your lil person!”

“uh yea! I didn’t know if you wanted to have or not, cause mine are invisible” Sykkuno says flying next to you as you make the short distance back to your home “but i remembered you saying that you wanted to buy fairy wings. I could’ve made them pink to look like them, but i thought the white ones would suit you better”

“Cause i’m such an angel?” You tease as you reached your front door

“Well uh you are um a nice person” Hearing the shyness in his tone made you think that he was being sincere and it made you blush “Thank you Sykkuno, you’re one of the best people i know!”

He clears his throat “uh well um, look we made it!” trying to divert the conversation away from the compliments. You made a mental note to yourself to compliment him more, so that his confidence rises up and he no longer shies away from them.

“Yup!” You open the door “come on in!” He oh’ed as he came in, seeing the kitchen area first “As you can see Sy and chat, I have created a kitchen with actual fucking oven and fridge! How crazy is that! These mods are cool!”

“So, yeah! Kitchen area, though I doubt we’ll use it” You comment

“Wow! a fridge! Neat!” He opened the fridge and looked at the decor of other kitchen appliances 

You laugh at his wording “ Yup! and this is our living room slash library” leading him further into the house and showing him the sitting area with a bunch of bookcases surrounding the fake chairs “and right next to this is the ‘dining room’ where more seats were placed with a table and a cute flower in a pot atop the table. “So, yea this is the first floor!” 

“This is cool! Oh! it’s [y/f/flower] on the table” He notes and you nod feeling your cheeks flush a bit before admitting “of course! It’s actually the flower you gave me on our first day...”

“thats, thats really cool that you kept it” Sykkuno replies and there is a bit of silence between the two of you. Not awkward but almost in a content kind of way. Peaceful if you will. 

“Ok! Now lets head upstairs! It’s where we sleep!” You say walking up the stairs showing him the green beds placed next to each other “I didn’t know if you wanted to sleep next to each other again, but i did it anyways lol” 

He walked around the room and admired the little decor spread around the walls and opened chests in the room. He laughed awkwardly “it’s fine, it’s just a respawn point so its no biggie!”

“Yea to sleepovers!” You cheer 

Clearing his throat he noted how much he liked the room, causing you to smile and thank him “But i know what you’ve been wanting to see the most!”

“What do you mean?” He questioned and looked at you 

“The basement! Dun Dun DUN!” You jump at him scooting him down the stairs

He laughed in disbelief “What was that? Did you just hit me?”

“Nope” Emphasizing the p “ I just jumped at you which caused you to go down the stairs! I could never hurt you Sy!”

“Well I could never hurt you too” He mutters back and you pouted at how cute his response was

“Oh! You could just make your way down there! I forgot that Jae wanted me to give him some quartz back!” You gasp remembering what Jae had told you

“What do you mean?” His character looks back at you

And you look back at his and think “hmmm I don’t know if I should snitch or not, but Jae gave me an obsence amount of quartz blocks to build the house! I knew it was a little hard for you to get some, so he offered to give me some”

He hummed back “I see....” 

You noted how the atmosphere tensed for a split moment until Sykkuno happily noted that it was nice of him to give you something he couldn’t, but it sounded a bit off to you. Though you didn’t pay much attention to that since you didn’t want to reveal the resistance, as you have yet to align yourself with any of the two factions, well soon to be three since you believe that Sydney is doing some witchy stuff.

“Well, why don’t you go do that while I check the basement and give something to toast really quick!” He tells you 

“Ok!” You reply back to him rifling through your chests to find the remaining the blocks to give to Jae “I’ll see you in a bit, maybe toast too!”

With that you made your way back to Jae to hand him the quartz back, though it was quite an ordeal since he made a whole rant on how evil the comfy cartel were and how you should join them and become a spy cause apparently Toast is planning on doing something that could affect the entire server....

So you just ignored all of that and made your way back home, to have Toast and Sykkuno greet you at the front door.

“Hey guys! Im back” You cheer at them

“What did Jae want huh?!?!” Toast immediately questions you “Did you tell him any of our business huh? Should we be trusting you huh? huh? HUH!?!”

“Whoa Toast” You back up as he was getting all up in your face

“Wow Toast, are you okay?” Sykkuno places himself between you two 

“Im doing just fine” Toast answers back and you notice his full gear armor “Just wanted to know if we have a rat here”

You tsk “wow Toast, I see how it is. I see. By the way you look like a Power Rangers villan, just sayin”

He takes out his gun and points it at you “Well you won’t be sayin much Motherfucka!”

“I won’t say anything at all if you give me a gun to join the comfy cartel” You hit Sykkuno away and hear him utter an ow “Cause I don’t have an allegiance with anyone at the moment. So I’m a free agent and I can talk to whoever whenever” Throwing his words back at him and implying that you can speak to anyone without repercussions.

“AH right you are not part of the comfy cartel yet” He nods to himself “Well I wont give you a gun to join the group cause frankly I know that you’ll just shoot me”

You sigh “Then i’-”

“Instead!” He interrupts you “I’ll give you something better!” 

You pout “but i wanna cap a bitch”

“Instead of cappin’ you’ll be rackin’ cause you’re gunna have to collect taxes from people and in exchange you get the left hand of my right hand” He moves closer to you, that statement throw you through a loop ‘left hand?right hand?’. You were confusion. “Capiche?”

“What do you mean?” You question and he evil laughs and hits sykkuno.

“Wha? What was that Toast” Sykkuno also confused as to why Toast hit him and what Toast meant.

“I’m saying that you can have Sykkuno!” He evil laughs once more 

Sykkuno splutters “Wha? What do you mean Toast?!?!”

You were shocked at what he said. Giving you Sykkuno? “What do you mean?”

“You can marry Sykkuno” He repeats himself once more “You are both important to each other, why else live together? This way I’m keeping you both in check” and once again with the evil laughter

‘I’m glad im not streaming otherwise some of the more entitled fangirls would 100% send hate comments to me’ you think to yourself

You hum “Will I still get a gun?”

“Only if you can become my number one marksmen and execute the people I tell you too” He offers you

“Deal” You nod to yourself 

“Wha? [Y/N]?” Sykkuno sputters out “You’re ok with this?” and nodding to yourself you reply with a yes and asks him if he is also “Well I- uh I” he continues to laugh awkwardly “I mean uh sure?”

“Neat!” You reply throwing a diamond at him “Here’s your dowry lol”

Though before another conversation could happen Toast butts in once more “This was a test and you both passed” and throws a gun at you “Here take this one, prove yourself and I’ll get you a better one”

You put the gun in your hot bar and place it in your hand. “Clean!” You start point it in different directions “Thanks! Toast!”

“Don’t betray me or else you gets the hose!” He starts walking backwards then comes back up to you “Oh, also your target is Leslie, be sure to collect her taxes before killing her.” Walking backwards once more before coming back “Oh Sykkuno hand me the diamond [y/n] gave you.” He does so “Ok that’ll be your last tax payment until I have you look for materials for a special project” He evil laughs as he flies away

“OK! Great talk!” You call out and emote the happy one, with your arms lifted up and shaking about “Awesome! I get a gun muahahahaha!”

You hear Sykkuno clear his throat “so uh, you were ok with marrying me?”

“Yea! so were you!” You say as you move you camera around trying to find a good angle to see it properly

“Because you were!” He replies back and that took you aback a bit as you didn’t realize how uncomfortable it may have been for him.

“Well you didn’t have too if you didn’t want to” You felt a bit embarrassed at the fact that he did it because you wanted to but not he himself personally

“Wha, well I didn’t think you were being serious” Once again laughing awkwardly “Cause you know girls aren’t in- OW”

You shot him with the gun in annoyance.

‘Bitches are into you Sykkuno’ You screamed in your head ‘I‘M BITCHES!’

 Author’s Note:

Side Note 1 - I dont know if this is correct lol

No cap but i had written half of this like 3 days after writing Part 1 but I got lazy lmao sorry! Also this is gunna be a slowburn story cuz lets be real our smol bean and all of our asses are awkward as hell and kind insecure in the romantic aspect, so realistically it would not be fast paced.

So here it is Minecraft pt.2/4

Tags: @sushiims

[writesowhatnext]

accidental collateral damage // george weasley

Summary: so the prank didn’t necessarily ‘go to plan’, but George, admittedly, has never been happier for it

Request: Omg I love your works with the Weasley twins! Can I request a fic for George where he and Fred accidentally prank the reader who is shy. And so George feels bad because she was humiliated and purposely makes fun of himself to try to prevent people from making fun of her.

A/N: cracking request this is

Reader: unspecified

Warnings: swearing, public embarrassment?

Professor Snape was a creature of habit. Surely a malicious and miserable creature, but without question, one of habit. Every day like clockwork, just after lunch started, Snape would glide up from the dungeon and cut through the main courtyard to reach the Great Hall in time to eat. Every single day. And, as all well-established pranksters should, Fred and George made it their mission to know these things. As they always said, you never really know when such information will become useful or exactly how useful it will actually be. One very icy day in November, this tiny detail became paramount to Fred and George’s newest venture.

The twins sat behind the concrete base of the large rose bushes, crouched down as to hide their faces from any teachers that could possibly be on the hunt for perpetrators of a particular prank. Not that they’d pulled any sort of prank, of course. But the plan was simple really. Snape would walk in and then the bucket of slime Fred had ‘misplaced’ on the windowsill a few feet above him would mysteriously fall (must be the wind) and so, Snape would end up doused in green slime – a tragic accident; a fool-proof plan.

What Fred and George had not anticipated, however, was you. From the moment you stepped foot into the courtyard, George’s attention had been divided, and not so equally.

“Blimey, mate,” Fred said, rolling his eyes as he looked from you to his brother’s vacant, moon-eyed expression. “We’ve got a job to do here.”

“What?”

George turned to him, barely sparing him a glance before his eyes shot back to you. He watched you carefully as you stopped, a smile lighting up your cheeks as you spoke to someone. He’d always liked you, ever since he’d sat next to you in Charms that one time when Flitwick moved him away from Fred. He knew how shy you were and how little you liked to be the centre of attention; how everything you said was carefully thought through, and he found it kind of sweet. Not to mention, he more than enjoyed watching your flustered movements, especially when it came to him. He sighed softly at your grin, but his fawning was nothing compared to Fred’s huff, an impatient exhale.

“George, Snape will be here any minute-“

“And we’ll be ready,” George snapped, frowning.

“Not when you’re so bloody distracted by Y/N over there-“

“I am not distracted!”

George turned to you, a small smile curving at his lips as you circled around too quickly, walking into someone. You offered them a shy laugh in response, stepping out of their way and wringing your hands.

“Not distracted, eh?” Fred asked, arms crossed with a decidedly smug expression. George scoffed, nudging his brother with his elbow. Fred rolled his eyes again, adjusting his grip on his wand.

“Don’t be a git, Fred.”

“Me, a git? What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You’re so goo-goo-eyed for Y/N, you barely even know what we’re doing!”

“Of course, I know, you prat.”

“I’m a prat?” Fred flicked his brother in the ear, earning an irritated push in return. “You’re a prat!”

“Sod off-“

The plan took a backseat as the twins squabbled between them, pinching and shoving at each other. Fred pulled at George’s hair and George twisted Fred’s arm and it only took a moment before they were both tangled up like a pretzel, Fred’s wand waving about wildly.

“You need to focus on the plan,” Fred insisted, flinching as George elbowed him in the gut. His frustration dissipated within a second as his wand flicked and the bucket stashed on the windowsill rocked to the side, falling quickly towards the ground.

“Oh, fuck,” Fred muttered, both him and George stopping their bickering in its tracks as they watched the bucket fall, directly towards the only person within the few feet radius of it; you.

You didn’t expect to be covered in green slime. Though, you supposed, nobody really expected it, did they? At first, you didn’t even know it was green slime. You heard the bucket clatter next to you and then you felt something hit you with the force of a rampant snowball, or perhaps a rather large dog. It was cold and gooey and certainly slime-like, but it wasn’t until you looked down at your hands to see them, your arms and the few clumps of hair in front of your hair that you could see through, covered in thick green goo. You were sure it would’ve been quite funny had it happened to someone else, had you not automatically been the subject of the attention of all fifty or so people in the courtyard. Despite the cold, you felt your face heat up as you stepped backwards, foot kicking the bucket behind you. As people began to crowd around, their faces ranging from amused to sympathetic, you found yourself wringing your hands together, ignoring the uncomfortable stickiness of the green goop.

“Fred,” George said, the both of them standing up to see you and their prank in its full glory.

“Yes, George?”

“Prank me,” George exhaled shakily before using his hand to hoist himself over the flowerbed, wrecking whatever Professor Sprout had just planted. He didn’t have so much of a plan as a very desperate need to wash that horribly embarrassed expression off your face.

“What?”

“Prank me, Fred, now!”

Fred watched as his brother ran towards you, pushing through the crowd of people until he was almost out of sight. With a hum, Fred lifted both his wand and his eyebrows.

“If you say so, mate,” he whispered, before shooting a spell he knew extremely wel and used far too oftenl.

What neither Fred nor George counted on was the patch of ice on the ground just inside the circle of people surrounding you. A rather dark, rather slippery patch of ice. George, like all knights in shining armour, catapulted to the floor with a resounding thud, his legs flying in the air and his back hitting the concrete quite unceremoniously. Winded, he rolled over and groaned. Had he been more awake, he probably would’ve been chuffed at the instant shift of attention from you to him. His luck, though, was not the best as Fred’s spell rebounded off of a pipe near you and hit George in the stomach, enticing another much louder groan from his lips.

Whilst you hadn’t expected to be covered in slime, you most certainly hadn’t expected for George Weasley, of all people, to run into the crowd that had encircled you, slip and then get further pummelled by a rather nasty, but rather brilliant pranking spell. The crowd of students around you had all collectively turned to face him, erupting in snickers and giggles as he sat up slowly. You sighed in relief, happy to not be the centre of attention and grateful to George, but even you couldn’t hide the laughter that escaped your lips when he sat up, his hair drenched in treacle with dozens of white feathers floating around him. You bit your lip as you smiled, touched that he’d made such a fool of himself to help you.

Everyone in the courtyard seemed to freeze when a few students parted to reveal Professor Snape, a fouler sneer than usual decorating his face.

“And what is the meaning of this?” he asked, raised an eyebrow as his eyes flicked back and forth between you and George. You looked down, feeling everyone’s stares on you.

“Well?”

You looked quickly towards George, noticing him floundering, spitting out feathers and frowning.

“Just a little wand mishap, Sir,” you said, as surprised as anyone that you’d opened your mouth. Snape looked at you for a moment, eyebrows knitted together tightly. You looked back down, clenching your jaw and praying the situation would just end.

“I suggest you both get yourselves cleaned up, then,” Snape said sharply, shooting you a deadly glance before turning to George. “Don’t you, Mr Weasley?”

George, his mouth still full of feathers, only nodded.

“Well,” Snape lifted his arms, gesturing to the other students in the courtyard. “I am sure it is lunchtime, yes?”

Nobody dared question him as the once full courtyard emptied out rather quickly. Fred stood up to go help George when he noticed you, still green and gooey, walking slowly closer to his brother and so, with a smug smirk, he sat back and watched.

You didn’t say anything at first, as you walked towards him, frowning and swallowing, trying to dispel the lump in your throat. George didn’t notice your approach, too busy pulling now brown, sticky feathers from his hair. He only stopped when you crouched down in front of him, his hands dropping to his lap in surprise as you leant over and pulled away with a particularly large feather in your grip.

“One of your pranks?” you asked, smiling nervously. He noticed your hands shake and tried to give you his most encouraging grin. Though he was sure in his current state, it wasn’t all that convincing.

“Sort of,” he said, lifting a hand to move your clumped hair to the side, revealing your only slightly green-tinged features. You froze for a moment at this close proximity, not long enough for him to see, though, you hoped.

“Was meant to be Snape, though, covered in slime.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “And the feathers?”

He smiled sheepishly, going to rub the back of his neck, wincing at the stickiness.

“A detour to help out a friend.”

You raised an eyebrow, sitting back onto the cold ground. He watched you closely, fully aware of the way you carefully picked each word you were about to say, finding your pensive expression adorable.

“Are we friends, then?”

“I sure hope so,” George grinned, scrunching up his face as moved the brown treacle from his eyes. “I don’t make a fool of myself for just anybody.”

“Only everybody,” you said quickly, far too quickly for you. His barked a laugh as your eyes grew wide, shocked yourself by what you’d said.

“Sorry about the slime,” he said softly, his eyes a bright and apologetic contrast to the thick goop on his skin. You nodded, pulling your top lip between your teeth.

“Not a problem.”

You both sat there silently for a moment, so silent in fact, that George was sure you could hear his thoughts, his loud, disappointed ranting about messing up his chances with you. You surprised him, though, when you pinched a bit of slime between your fingers, pulling it away from your arm as it stretched like taffy.

“Rather funny, though,” you said, sucking your teeth for a second. “Quite ingenious, too.”

He looked at you then as if you put every single star in the sky, his mouth agape and eyes wide. You smiled bashfully under his gaze.

“Not exactly fool-proof, though.”

harry potter tag list:

@creator-appreciator

@loveisblindness

@decadentwastelandtrash

@xinyourdreamsx

@brainlesspasta

@hariosborn

@rexorangecouny

@staringmoony

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

The Critique of Manners Part IV

~Or~

A Very Amused Review of Emma (1972)

One doesn’t really know where to begin with this one. I’ve watched a few of these 70’s/80’s period drama adaptations, but I’ve never written a review for one. I think the tricky thing is it doesn’t feel fair to judge them against more recent adaptations because the approach and quality are so very different to modern television making.

But people do. I’m sure it’s different for people who grew up watching these, who are just used to them and their objectively terrible, stagey quality and can look past that particular weakness on the sheer power of nostalgia.

So I’m going to try and find a middle-ground here where I ignore the stagey and obviously dated aspects and judge it primarily on its value as an adaptation – is it faithful to the book?

Let’s dive in.

Cast & Characterization

Normally I would start with Emma and Knightley but this time I’m gonna switch it up a bit and do them last because… well we’ll get there in a bit.

Let’s start instead with Mr. Woodhouse. I have to say, I kind of like this take. The 1996-7 and 2009 adaptations all kind of went for the same type of older man: a bit stout, or in Michael Gambon’s case… however you would describe Michael Gambon. With Donald Eccles, however, this version goes for a rather more frail looking Mr. Woodhouse; in fact to compare him to any recent Mr. Woodhouse, I suppose he comes closest to Bill Nighy (although the general characterization is of course very different.)  He’s a ridiculous but lovable soul who seems always, of course, worried about his own health and comfort, but in his own selfish way, concerned for his friends and family as well. My only complaint is that maybe they over-utilized him.

I thought the casting of a plump Mrs. Weston (Ellen Dryden) was an interesting choice, and definitely different from other versions. Her acting was actually really good too.

I wasn’t quite so pleased with the characterization of Mr. Weston, on the other hand. I have huge issues with this script vis-à-vis the men, but Mr. Weston and Knightley in particular. The problem with Mr. Weston is how he’s written as just verging on uncouth at some points. There are way too many rustic contractions here: “Ain’t I looking well too, Miss Emma?!’ “’Ark at that eh? The sly young rogue!” “Oh I think it looks tolerably gay and festive, don’t it?” and then just throwing himself back on the grass and chortling when Emma makes her fateful Box Hill faux pas? Like, what the hell? I’m not saying he shouldn’t use a few casual contractions (“How d’you do?” for example) but he seems almost like a positive country bumpkin and I don’t think it’s appropriate; he doesn’t talk like that in the book and I’m just all-around not here for it.

Constance Chapman, a well-respected character actress of the time was cast as Miss Bates, while Molly Sugden, of Are You Being Served? fame was WASTED in the bit-part of Mrs. Goddard. If you ask me, they should have swapped this casting, since I think Sugden, an outstanding comedienne, could have done so much more with the Miss Bates role than the usual wittery-old-lady style chattering Chapman delivered.

Mr. Elton was played by Timothy Peters (Right) and was, eh, adequate. They did slime him up a bit by having him over-eagerly offer to fix Emma’s bootlace, which she points out isn’t entirely appropriate for a man to do, especially the vicar and it’s pretty funny; but other than that, he has all the appearance of being a pleasant young man, as Mr. Elton should – becoming less pleasant as the story progresses.

One John Alkin (left) played Mr. Robert Martin, and he, too, was adequate. There’s not much of him and, since Mr. Martin wasn’t one of those characters this version decided to approach more three-dimensionally, there’s not much to say about him. 

Frank Churchill is… OMG IT’S PRINCE HARRY FROM BLACKADDER!

Ahem. Yes, Robert East (BETTER KNOWN AS PRINCE HARRY FROM BLACKADDER) plays a very agreeable (and smarmy, but not too smarmy) Frank. I think honestly this is as good as this part could get in the 70’s, although at 29 he was a little too old for the part.

John and Isabella, in an interesting (?) casting choice, were played by brother and sister duo, Yves and Belinda Tighe. I actually really liked Yves’s John Knightley (he’s actually one of the more handsome John’s, in a 70’s kind of way; for note-taking purposes I have nicknamed him “Not-Harrison-Ford”), but his sister as Isabella seemed kind of old and had just a really annoying voice. Also she doesn’t look at all like Doran Godwin, and Emma and Isabella are supposed to look somewhat alike.

The real casting stand out for me in this version is Fiona Walker as Mrs. Elton, although she too was a little old for her role, I’ve said before that there are no bad Mrs. Eltons (only bad accents) and she just absolutely nailed the insufferable chatter to a definitive standard (until the recent adaptations – 2009 onward).

I did however, get the feeling in this version that they kind of wrote in a through-line where Mrs. Elton is putting the moves on Mr. Knightley (to the point where they actually wrote out Mr. Elton from scenes he should be in) which was one of those unnecessary deviations which made me raise an eyebrow and also was just… weird.

Now my question is – why do all of the young women in this series kind of look like evil dolls?

Debbie Bowen, from a strictly book accuracy perspective is one of the most accurate Harriet Smiths I’ve seen – in fact we don’t get another this accurate (to my way of thinking) until Louise Dylan in 2009, who fits roughly the same model (fair and shapely). Its Bowen’s acting I don’t like, but I know that in the 70’s, this kind of simpering acting for this kind of character was just unavoidable. It was the style at the time, so I’m cutting her a break critically; but the performance just doesn’t cut it for me.

This Jane Fairfax (played by Ania Marson) is not my favorite interpretation of this character. At first I thought she was going to be alright, but in her first scene she bursts out and actually shouts in frustration at her chattering aunt (which she has some basis for, I’ll admit, since Miss Bates, in her muddle-headed way, could very well have unwittingly spilled the beans about Jane and Frank) but this is far more feeling than we should even have a hint of from Jane at this point. The whole reason Emma doesn’t like Jane (other than the fact that Emma is an attention whore and Jane steals her thunder by being so admired and accomplished) is because she’s timid and demure and reserved.

But the biggest problem I have with this Jane is that she can’t even fucking sing. I know they write it away as her having a sore throat (Which I think is a pull from a different part of the book?) but this was just egregiously bad to me. This is the only time in the series they show Jane singing so it’s never actually established that Jane really is more accomplished than Emma (although they don’t show Emma herself singing or even playing at all either.) Could the actresses just not sing well so they decided to write around it? You could have dubbed it; you had that technology in the 70’s!

OK. Now it’s time to talk about Doran Godwin. I’ve never seen her in anything else so I don’t know if it’s just that she can’t act, but I have no idea what she was going for with this portrayal of Emma, and this is something so consistent and unique to her that I, for once, can’t justify blaming it solely on the director because you can’t direct crazy-eyes. They just happen; and they happen A LOT in this series.

I’ve struggled to find the words to sufficiently describe my feeling about Doran Godwin’s facial expressions and her acting in this adaptation. In my ribbon rating notes I think I describe her as a “witchy automaton”? I stand by it. Every time she talks to someone her eyes go very wide and she sort of looks like she’s trying to hypnotize everyone in Highbury. The effect is just absolutely inhuman. I never thought I’d ever see anyone with more patently crazed Crazy-Eyes than Timothy “Crazy-Eyes” Dalton – but man, Doran “Hypno-Witch” Godwin just stole the prize. Perhaps she escaped from the set of a Doctor Who? telling of the story where Miss Woodhouse has been replaced by an android.

You have scenes such as this in episode 2 , where Harriet is trying to get Emma to acknowledge Mr. Elton calling after them as they walk past the vicarage, and Emma ignores her by mechanically continuing to talk, looking straight ahead with laser focus. Of course, Emma is intentionally ignoring Harriet because she wants Mr. Elton to follow them, but that wasn’t quite apparent to me until the end of her ramble – which I had assumed she was forced to complete due to some directive in her programming. I have more to say on her characterization, but we’ll get to that in a dedicated section of the review.

John Carson might actually be one of the better Knightley’s, but I’m sorry – at 45 he was just too old. This is something you can play around with in other characters (Mr. Weston and Miss Bates after all, have no stated ages in the book) but not only do we know how old Mr. Knightley is in the book, they state in the show that Emma is 21 (Doran Godwin was actually 28) and that Mr. Knightley is sixteen years older than her – 37 or 38 – and John Carson is CLEARLY no 38. This obviously-over-forty appearance does have an effect on how I view his banter with Emma, and it’s more avuncular than the older-brother feel that Mr. Knightley and Emma should have.

Whether by direction or actor’s choice, Carson’s Mr. Knightley speaks in a way that just doesn’t feel period to me. He has a very sort of 20th Century, stock British, hearty-good-fellow manner, that dates this adaptation pretty badly and feels old-fashioned (but not in a Regency/Georgian way) even in the 70’s.

Sets & Surroundings

Normally at this point in the review I would talk about the British manor houses and estates used and how they measure up to the book descriptions but the publicly funded BBC ran on a much tighter budget in the 70’s (apparent in the production values and number of obviously bad takes that they just decided to leave in, in everything they made) and as such they couldn’t afford to film in and rent out large estates quite as much, so this has the trademark 70’s/80’s BBC sound-stage quality of all of their other productions of the period. That said, this production actually has some of the better sets I’ve seen and that’s saying something, for being made in the 70’s. The walls didn’t actually shake when doors were closed, and it didn’t feel as stagey as some other Austen serials of the time. (This doesn’t improve the very “on-cue” acting in the series, but I have to give credit where it’s due.) I believe they may used a real manor house for the exterior of Hartfield (and not a landscape pastel) and maybe some of the interiors too? I can’t say for sure, and I would love to tell you what house and where it is but I can’t find any credits on it. I’ll just say that I think it’s very suitable and leave it at that.

Costumes

Much like today, the BBC almost exclusively used, re-used and rented costumes for their period productions. Almost every costume in this series was also used in the 70’s and 80’s BBC productions of Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park, and Pride and Prejudice (P&P being the overwhelming common denominator – almost every one of Emma’s evening dresses and pelisses was seen, primarily on Caroline Bingley.) Some of the shawls have been picked out in BBC Austens as recently as 2008.

For being made in the 70’s the costumes in this production are really kind of nice. They don’t date themselves too badly. The ones that do feel 70’s retro, in fact, were mostly styles borrowed from period accurate fashions that just happened to coincide with contemporary 70’s tastes, and which aren’t often used in Regency costumes today because, well they don’t coincide with our modern tastes. For the most part, they look well-made (although some of them do have that stiff, dingy polyester look to them and there are definitely some plastic pearls here and there).

I’m quite pleased with the silhouettes which don’t suffer from Square Bust/Boob Droop syndrome the way the 1980 P&P does. All of the assets seem to be lifted and shifted in the right places.

Daywear

I like Emma’s blue day dress the best of all her day-wear looks. It’s a rich color and has pleated cups (Also on her white day dress) which is a style I really love.

Emma wears the gauzy… let’s be kind and say ivory instead of “Yellowish” ruff during the day A LOT (Emma Pic 2). It’s a popular look on Jane Fairfax too (Jane Pic 2) and I just… I don’t like it. Not that it’s not period appropriate (because it unfortunately is) it just makes them look like Dr. Seuss characters to me, especially worn with short sleeves which is something these dramas do a lot and I hate it. It just makes the person in question look very awkwardly disproportionate to me, especially because. if they had long sleeves to go with it (which would be more correct from a historical authenticity standpoint) it would even it out so much better. Compare Jane and Emma to see what I mean. The single layer ruffle (Emma Pic 1) is much more agreeable to me. (I wanna point out that Jane wears the same green dress without any partlet or undersleeves for strawberry picking at Donwell, which is blatant Eveningwear-For-Daywear™ and looked really out of place since everyone else was wearing day-appropriate attire).

Emma’s wider, cuffed, long sleeves and Mrs. Elton’s puffy segmented Renaissance sleeves are exactly what I mean about period accurate styles that suit the 70’s in a way that they just don’t jive today. Even Harriet gets some.

Mrs. Elton Orange ™ is another crayon color Crayola should consider I think.

Harriet gets stuck with a lot of brown outer wear but her day clothes are otherwise pretty nice. I especially like the ivory and blue number (Bottom right) and her white day dress with blue accents (Top right) which I think is the nicest thing she wears in this whole series. 

Evening Wear

Emma’s evening wear confines itself pretty exclusively to cool purples and blues except for her white ball gown. I find this interesting because other versions tend to dress Emma in warmer colors and pinks (As I’m very partial to purples and blues, I love all of them). I can’t say it’s inconsistent with Emma’s cold characterization in this version. Mrs. Weston’s evening gowns are uniformly amazing. I especially love her blue party dress, which is my favorite in the series.

Both of Harriet’s party dresses are characteristically pretty and girlish. The pink is a bit fussy for me but I love the blue one (which has a lot more detail but I couldn’t get a full length shot of it.)

I’m pleased that Jane is given a bit of a break from the Jane Fairfax Blue ™ trope with her evening wear. She has one light blue evening gown and gets a few green numbers, most notable being her mint ball gown. Her beige party dress is absolutely tragic though.

Mrs. Elton’s evening color seems to be chartreuse (Which I think was also the case in the ITV version? ITV fans back me up.) Her black overlay/spiky number is iconic of the Austen Bad Girl, but her ball gown is a bit disappointing in its simplicity to me.

I would love to have seen a full length shot of Isabella’s black and purple number because I have a suspicion THAT would have been my favorite but I just can’t make out enough detail on it.

Zig-zag patterns on the skirt are a huge theme in this version, which is so of the period. Mrs. Cole (shout out to another future Are You Being Served? familiar, Hilda Fenemore) looks straight out of a fashion plate in her dark green party dress, which has (drumroll please…) a padded hem! 

Outerwear

This version has SO MANY PELISSES AND REDINGOTES. Are they all nice? No. No they are not; I particularly hate Emma’s fugly salmon number that she wears for Strawberry picking/Box Hill. Mostly because she looks SO over-dressed compared to everyone else who’s wearing loose fitting light clothes (except Jane, who’s wearing an evening dress). Just looking at her makes me hot. I’m also NOT a huge fan of her pink winter cloak. The one trimmed with… faux ermine? One can only assume. It looks awfully tacky.

That russet pelisse tho! This is one of my all-time favorites. It’s SO. PRETTY and so detailed (See this number on Jane in P&P ’80). I think her gray fur-trimmed pelisse is pretty fabulous too, but I do not like the hat she wears with it. The brim is kind of a funky shape to me.

I know I’ve criticized brown before, but I do like it in moderation and this version is astonishingly brown-free for being made in the 70’s, so I really like her red/brown velvet spencer, especially with the cream dress and gloves, and her hat has some amazing decoration.

Jane and Mrs. Weston are the only other characters who get pelisses/redingotes. I’m not a fan of Mrs. Weston’s fuchsia number, and while I like Jane’s, it does put itself solidly in the Jane Fairfax Blue™ category.  

Harriet gets pretty much only one form of outer-wear, her brown school cloak (a different brown school cloak from the one in the ‘97 version, in case you were wondering) and while it’s pretty dull, it’s hardly unexpected. Here it is paired with her rather ugly blue bonnet, with yellow ribbon. The bonnet features heavily in this episode.

To be honest for the most part I totally forgot about the… 

because a lot of it is very standard. No dandy standouts here, but overall it’s pretty okay and I’m really pleased to say that there are no bib-cravats. That’s not usually so much a problem in Regency Era stuff (Since ruffles were going out at around this time), but you can really distinctly see that the ruffles (where ruffles there are – usually on older men which is good) are part of the shirt and distinctly separate from the cravat. Also there are LOTS of high collars and they’re not comically high to the point where they get wrinkled, like they were in Emma. (2020), so points for that also. These are the screencaps I gathered going back over it for posterity.

Mr. Knightley doesn’t really get a lot of cool outfits. His best is his purple velvet evening jacket which somehow manages to not look ostentatious (but is his only dress jacket), and his gold-topped Prussian boots (which you should just be able to see bottom right.) The worst though… I’m sorry, (looks up costumer’s name) Joan Ellacott – do you really expect me to feel the weight of Emma’s cock-ups when Mr. Knightley is rebuking her in such a cartoonishly proportioned top hat? It’s like being scolded by the Mad Hatter. All of the men’s hats are pretty flared in this series too, and I’m not totally sure but, I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that flared top hats are not right for this period?

I think Mr. Weston only has one day outfit (which, in keeping with his characterization is pretty farmer-chic) and one evening outfit. Frank’s dark green day-jacket is a pretty standard look on him and I don’t think we get a fresh look until his fabulous blue jacket/yellow waistcoat combo that he wears for Strawberry Picking/Box Hill. I believe his evening jacket is also dark green but it was tough to tell. Again I think he has only one set of evening-wear. I would expect Frank to have more, since he’s such a dandy.

Mr. John Knightley doesn’t have much to write home about in terms of evening kit, but DAYUM, his blue traveling coat is DOOOOOPE. 

Let’s Talk Script

This adaptation was directed by John Glenister and Dramatized by Denis Constanduros.

Now I’ve seen a lot of positive reviews for this on IMDB calling it the… let’s see here… “The best Emma I’ve ever seen” and “The most true to the novel”… *Takes off spectacles and sighs heavily* I’m afraid I have to disagree. Several people also really love Doran Godwin’s Emma (We’ve already gone over why I don’t, and I have also seen reviews that name her and her lack of charisma as the main sticking point preventing them from really enjoying it, so I’m not alone). I’ve also heard it described as “sensitively handled” “Intimate” and “The most faithful to the spirit of Austen” and so forth, and again maybe it’s that prejudice against the stagey production and… no there’s definitely some other reason I have a problem with this version.

Let me make this clear – I don’t totally hate it, and I’m not here to shame the people who really love this version. Once again – if this version gives you what you want from the story I think that’s great for you. I, myself, like it pretty well and I think it’s one of the better early BBC Austen serials. It’s certainly not boring; but I do want to go over some of the changes that were made and choices in the script.

Some of them aren’t really that egregious, but they’re annoying in that I think they didn’t need to be made and don’t really add anything. Characters being added to scenes where they didn’t need to be and written out of scenes where their presence was missed. Like writing Mr. Elton out of Box Hill (And really the whole second half of the series, to facilitate Mrs. Elton flirting with Knightley), and adding Miss Bates into the after-dinner scene, I think at the Randalls Christmas party? I’m sure this was done for expediency but you have six episodes. It’s not as though you’re strapped for time.

Particularly praised, as far as I’ve seen, is the scene at Christmas when Knightley and Emma make up after their argument over Harriet. It takes place in the nursery, which I suppose isn’t an unreasonable place for Emma to be fawning over her niece (in the dramatization she seems to have been feeding the baby, where in the book she is playing with her). The book doesn’t specify where the scene takes place, although I assumed it to be a downstairs room, and I’m not sure that it’s entirely appropriate for Emma and a man (even one connected to her family through marriage) to be alone in an upstairs room together with the door closed and no more chaperone than a baby. But in spite of this, perhaps inappropriate, level of privacy, the scene feels less intimate to me than the book, where in the course of the conversation, where Mr. Knightley takes the baby from Emma “in the manner of perfect amity” and holds her himself and it is very adorable and sweet. In the dramatization, Knightley sort of just stands next to Emma’s chair and leans down a bit. After this conversation in the book, John comes into the room to talk to George, while in the show Emma puts the baby in the cradle and they leave the room to go downstairs.

But there are more outstanding changes that just feel wrong to me. When confronting Emma about her meddling in Harriet’s response to Mr. Martin’s proposal, Constanduros changes “What is the foolish girl about?” to “What is the stupid girl about?” it’s not that big a change, but it makes Mr. Knightley sound unnecessarily mean.

I’ve already mentioned the, er, additions regarding Mr. Weston’s dialogue and Mrs. Elton, and Jane shouting at Miss Bates; but by far the biggest, worst additions were made with Emma. The worst, I think, is the handling of this scene in Episode 4 when Harriet is feeling heartsick following Mr. Elton’s marriage.

And for those of you who don’t wanna follow the link, here’s a transcription:

Emma: Now Harriet! Your allowing yourself to become so upset over Mr. Elton’s marriage is the strongest possible reproach you could make to me!

Harriet: Miss Woodhouse –

Emma: Yes it is! You could not more constantly remind me of the mistake I made, which is most hurtful!

Harriet: Oh Miss Woodhouse, it was not intended to be!

Emma: I have not said “think and talk less of Mr. Elton” for my sake, Harriet, because it is for yours I wish it. My being hurt is a very… secondary consideration, but please, please Harriet, do learn to exert a little more self-discipline in this matter.

Harriet: {Looks down} Yes, Miss Woodhouse.

Emma: We are all creatures of feeling; we all suffer disappointments, it is how we learn to suffer them that forms our character. If you continue in this way, Harriet, I shall think you wanting in true friendship for me!  

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse! You, who are the best friend I’ve ever had? Oh what a horrid, horrid wretch I’ve been!”

Emma: Oh now Harriet – (She’s gonna console her now, right?)

Harriet: Oh yes, I have, I have!

Emma: Harriet, control yourself! (ha ha bitch, u thought) Now, you will tie your bonnet, and you are coming with me to call on Mr. And Mrs. Elton at the Vicarage…

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse –

Emma: Yes you are! And I’m sure you will find it far less distressing than you think.

Harriet: Oh, Miss Woodhouse, must I?

Emma: Yes, Harriet; but you may borrow my lace ruff if you wish.

Harriet: Oh may I, Miss Woodhouse? Oh, thank you!

(Look how evil she looks! She looks like she’s planning on baking Harriet into a pie!)

While this scene is in the book and much of the dialogue is also from the book, it’s the lines that were added that stick out to me. Emma does tell Harriet that her allowing herself to become upset over the Eltons is a reproach on Emma more than anything else and reminds her miserably of the “Mistake [Emma] fell into” but from this point, the script takes a left turn from the firm but kind appeal to Harriet to move on for both her happiness and Emma’s own comfort, to a far more manipulative strain.

Even after Harriet apologizes, she goes from simply appealing to Harriet to let herself move on, to basically telling her that she’s a bad friend. She treats Harriet like she’s unreasonable for feeling this way, where in the book Emma is very understanding and feels that “she could not do too much for her; that Harriet had every right to all her ingenuity and patience…” and only after Harriet goes all afternoon with Emma soothing her and no improvement in her spirits does Emma take any kind of reproachful tack whatsoever.

    In this scene, Emma says that her own happiness is a secondary consideration (this is stressed much more in the book) but from the way she says it, it seems more like she just wants Harriet to shut up about it rather than actually meaning it. (This is a very prominent example of Emma’s not seeming to really like Harriet at all in this version, only tolerating her presence.)

AND THEN she does something which Emma in the book most certainly did NOT do and forces Harriet to come with her to visit the Eltons, as if to put her on the spot and test how good a little friend she will be. I can’t express how disgusted I am by the changes and interpretation here. This is the culmination of the general through-line of Emma’s manipulative characterization being taken to an extreme. She looms over Harriet sounding, by turns, like a school marm and a saccharine nanny. She’s like a (very) low budget version of Tilda Swinton as the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia. 

My question about all of these changes is simply: Why? They don’t improve the story or the characters. They’re not big, but a lot of them just strike me as weird and unnecessary, but I guess there’s no accounting for artistic license.  

Final Thoughts

So is it a faithful adaptation? I often find this a more complex question to answer for myself than one would think, since inflection and line delivery and even, at some points, intention behind what the characters say tends to be up to the interpretation of the person reading the book.

Is the dialogue faithful? Other than the many changes I’ve mentioned (and the numerous cuts and edits I didn’t – and besides no screenplay can be 100% faithful), for the most part yes.

Are the characters accurate to description / faithful in their portrayal – again this tends to be subjective and opinions vary. In my opinion, Emma is not. I’ve mentioned that Knightley is too old, and Emma not only seems more intentionally manipulative than I believe she’s meant to be, and also just does not seem 21. She acts and looks like a much older woman, especially when preaching at Harriet) but she’s also very gawky, and Emma is supposed to look very healthy and glowing.

So my book accuracy rating meets in the middle at a 4.5. It’s NOT the most faithful adaptation I’ve seen, nor is it the most fun or the most intimate, but it’s not totally a travesty either and there are good things in it, even with a robot witch playing the main lead.

Ribbon Rating: Tolerable (43 Ribbons )

Tone: 4

Casting: 5 (Witchy automaton Doran Goodwin plays opposite avuncular good-fellow John Carson. Fiona Walker stands out as Mrs. Elton.)

Acting: 5 (Doran Goodwin is by turns crazed and mechanical with some momentary touches of what might be actual emotion. Raymond Adamson way over-acts Mr. Weston as a hobbeldy-hoi, verging on uncouth.)

Scripting: 4

Pacing: 4

Cinematography: 4 (A bump up from the usual 1 or 2 for TV dramas of the time. Surprisingly less stagey than expected.)

Sets and Settings: 5

Costumes: 7 (Very clearly of the 70’s but drawing on perfectly accurate styles that jived well with contemporary taste)

Music: 1 (Plinky, poorly played piano music. Only used for intro and outro I think? Jane Fairfax can neither play nor sing.)

Book Accuracy: 5 (They changed a lot of small details. Lines are changed unnecessarily (Calling Harriet “Stupid” rather than “Foolish” – Why?) Mrs. Elton seems to have a thing for Knightley? People present when they shouldn’t be, others absent when they should be present, again without any apparent reason.)

[ayashiki-i-i]

Last Friday, I had the absolute joy and privilege to see Be More Chill in London!

(Yes, last Friday, this has been sitting in my drafts for over a week because I couldn’t figure out how to appropriately convey my delight with this show, and also yes, joy and privilege, call me dramatic but I swear to god nothing on this Earth makes me appreciate my life quite as live theatre.)

I have loved this show for a very long time. Not quite since its first Two Rivers Theatre run, but very early on from when it caught the internet’s attention. I was at the start of what was to become a viral sensation, and I was with the show, rooting for it, hoping for it, ever since. I feel like I walked the journey from crossing million hits on Spotify to the Broadway alongside the cast and creators. I felt immensely happy and proud for these people I never met when they announced their off-Broadway return, and I honest to god cried the day they opened on Broadway. Needless to say, I was overjoyed, literally jumping with happiness, when they announced they will stage a production on West End. Or technically off-West End? I’m still very confused how The Other Palace is not West End and Victoria Palace literally around the corner is West End... Anyway. I have not walked into that theatre on Valentine’s Day with low expectations.

And my Mount Everest high expectations were far, far exceeded and shot somewhere into the stratosphere.

I really can’t with words describe how much I loved this show. Joes Iconis and Tracz managed to hit some very special spot with this musical. It’s truly hard to describe, but this show just makes you happy. It makes you involved and interested. And I gotta tell you, I think we hit the press night, because there was a bunch of people (very respectfully) scribbling on their pads and iPads during the show, so this wasn’t an audience primed and geared for this type of musical. And that’s not even counting all the parents chaperoning their teenagers. And I can guarantee you everyone had a great time. During the intermission I went to get a drink and witnessed several conversations between aforementioned parents that all pretty much amounted to “wow, this is actually good!” It’s honestly such a treat to be in an audience that’s genuinely enjoying themselves.

This show is funny, and heartfelt, and charming. So charming. It has somehow a vibe of a really well done high school production, which could maybe sound like a criticism but i swear it isn’t!

I haven’t seen much of the previous productions, except few clips from the Two Rivers bootleg slime tutorial, but I really tried not to watch too much, hoping against hope there will be a revival one day (I try not to watch shows I have a chance of seeing one day. I’m fortunate to have the chance of having the full experience live so I try not to ruin it for myself lol). I gobbled up all the official promo clips and videos from the NYC revival, being super unlucky and managing to plan my New York trip in that small window when BMC just closed Off-Broadway and before it got on Broadway. I haven’t even listened to the Broadway recording, because by the time it came out I knew they’ll be staging a production over here. So i went in quite blind. With all that previous ado, this is how it was:

The book is so good. So so good. Many times when I fall in love with an album, the actual musical doesn’t hold up because the book doesn’t compare (hi, Dear Evan Hansen). But BMC is as engaging and fun between the songs as during them. Tbh I don’t love the changes to the songs they made, but I don’t really hate them either... Now having listened to the Broadway recording they reverted somewhat back to the original album on West End and I’m happy they did, but still. Especially Pitiful Children did not deserve the cuts. But I mean its still mostly the same album and it’s brilliant and fun, and ok, Looser, Geek or Whatever is a bop.

(Although I always kinda liked that Jeremy didn’t have a typical big “hero song” because he keeps mentioning how he isn’t a hero and it was kinda ironic that his own show refused him the hero treatment, but the song is solid.)

This cast is EVERYTHING. I’m sorry all previous casts, I love you and I respect you but i really think the British cast is (so far) the peak? Obviously as I said I don’t have the full picture to compare, but honestly these guys are all so good and I can’t imagine anyone else in these roles, they set the bar so high. Yes, even Michael. Omg I’m so sorry George Salazar! This role is his in a very special way, and I feel blasphemous saying this! But that’s what makes Blake Patrick Anderson so special, because I didn’t think I will ever be able to accept another Micheal than George Salazar. But from the first moment Anderson appears on stage, you don’t think of George Salazar. This right here is a Micheal and that’s it. I think he’s slightly less... Manic, than Salazar, and more caring, but also more stubborn, and nerdy. My friend said after the first act the character’s problem is that he’s a bit too likeable and it’s almost unbelievable he would be a social outcast and she was right. The dude is so damn likeable! So charming, so positive. And then Micheal in the Bathroom hits and omg does it hit. Also Blake Patrick Anderson has a really long name is very pretty. A+ snack. I’m in love. Scott Folan is, uh, I don’t really love him vocally... Ok I liked him until Loser Geek of Whatever. I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t his day. Or maybe that song is just written for Will Roland and no one will ever measure up? Tbh I haven’t seen Roland sing it live so who knows, maybe it is one of those songs that’s hard to perform without yelling a bit. Praying circle for the West End cast album? However Scott Folan’s acting is a masterclass. He’s so awkward in the first act, so sad, but also sweet. Actually I said i didn’t love his singing but when his voice cracks all over in his first few songs it’s superb and also his “Christiiine~” is really beautiful and lovely, so, dunno *shrugs*. And then in the second half he totally sells his confidence and assholer-y and like... They seem like two different jeremys, the squipped and un-squipped one. But ultimately he just gives such good-kid vibes. He seems like the perfect midpoint between Will Connolly’s shy Bambi and Roland’s geeky recluse. This Christine is absolutely feral. Like, you have no idea. Some people commented on the video of I Love Play Rehersal from the rehearsals that this Christine is not chaotic enough, so I’m seriously worried how chaotic Stephenie Hsu was? :D In any case Miracle Chance I thought was perfect, the ideal mixture of quirky but relatable, sweet but strong. Also she is hilarious. I’m pretty sure she got the most laugh out of the audience, not just because the actress’s absolutely perfect comedic timing but also that role is so well written. Like you really can’t get the full idea of this character until you watch the show, you know? It’s very layered, but each layer is easy to get so she makes a really fun character to watch. The Squip is hot. Like so hot. And his costumes are wonderful. And I know I’m not the only one who didn’t love Jason Tam’s accent as Squip and like... I think I know what he was going for but it just doesn’t work for me. This Squip is a lot more like Eric William Morris, just more hot. Oh yeah I mean the dude is fantastic actor too, and his voice is something impressive, but mostly I was just thinking “hot” whenever he was on stage :D James Hameed’s Rich is vocally stunning. By far the best Squip Song I have ever heard. Also he has Pickle Rick tattoo?? It’s fucking brilliant I HATE IT! :D Millie O’Connel is perfect of course. She has such a presence on stage. It was hilarious when she came out after the show, with her hair down and make-up off and said hi and people mostly kinda ignored her cause... She’s really a hurricane on stage and when she dials it down just a notch I really think people don’t connect her to her stage persona :D

(Also like, massive kudos to The Other Palace’s stage door, cause they allow you to just hang around the bar where the cast has to go through to leave the place, so no dirty alleyways stage dooring in rain and cold and possible pickpockets around.)

I really loved the staging, and it’s very small, very minimal, which isn’t something I normally like, so well done! They definitely dialled back from the Broadway (the bean bags are back!) and honestly the minimal props and simple set really suit this show. It adds to that almost-like-a-really-good-school-play charm. But also they have this massive LED screen as the background so they can change and move and animate their backdrop and it’s honestly so impressive. The artwork is so perfectly in line with the show’s aesthetic. And it’s building up and up towards the show’s climax which I thought was pretty subtle and pretty neat creative decision.

Ugh this is so long I didn’t think it would be so long :D But I have one criticism I cannot not mention. And I kinda always had this, but seeing it live it jumps out on me more - I don’t feel Jeremy and Christine :| I mean don’t get me wrong. The actors have amazing chemistry, their added song is the one that I actually really like and it makes sense, there’s so much more meaningful interaction they have in the show than the songs wold suggest. But. It still doesn’t quite sit well. Besides the fact that I don’t think the show’s narrative is about Jeremy getting the girl - that’s not really his character arc. But also, although they’re not incompatible, he gets the girl he doesn’t even really know, and she definitely doesn’t know him. I think I would prefer if they just stayed friends at the end, but if there had to be romantic conclusion... Well, I mean who doesn’t ship boyf friends, but seriously if Michael was a girl I’m pretty sure he’d be the romantic endgame for Jeremy. You know the type, the old friend who was by the protagonists side and believed in him all along? Yeah. But besides that, i was surprised to find I kinda liked Jeremy with Brooke too? I mean they have the same problem as Jeremy and Christine, with not knowing each other and all that, but at least it’s mutual, and they seemed to have a spark. But maybe it’s just because I unexpectedly really, really loved Brooke (she doesn’t have much space on the album and no one ever really talks about her, why does no one really talk about her???). She defies a lot of her archetype, she seems like such a sweet person. I guess I would just like to see more of her, and more depth to her, which a romance with the protagonist would’ve given her.

But tbh the show devotes a lot more time than I thought it would for Christine and Jeremey’s relationship to develop and it isn’t unrealistic, so it ended up being a pretty minor issue, which i though would be a bigger one.

Tl;dr (oh my god why is this so long????) this show is everything I wanted and more. The West End cast is amazing, charming and delightful and each of them is perfectly cast to really embody their character, while giving some fresh outlook on characters I thought I knew very well and filling very big shoes of the original cast I thought couldn’t be replaced. Also I didn’t talk to any of them but they spend a long time hanging out with the fans after the show and seemed genuinely super nice and pleased with the love the show is getting. The book is more than an equal partner to the music I already was in love with (also Joe Iconis was at the show I saw! I didn’t talk to him because I’m me and I will forever regret it!). The Other Palace’s staging and direction is wonderful, and the choreography is impressive and very on brand with the rest of the show, very modern, very electro and robot. I enjoyed every second and the standing ovation at the end was well deserved.

Just to re-affirm how much I loved this show - just few days after seeing it I booked a ticket to go see it again almost immediately lol. So if anyone is seeing it this Wednesday 26th Feb and you can telepathically pick me in the audience come say hello!

(Or like, drop me a message like a normal person if you’re also going alone and want to meet with someone to seem less like a weirdo! :D)

[nerd-bastard]

ok so over the... /checks calendar, past five days i have managed to tear through act one of DQXI and hoo boy. hooooo boy. 

i fucking love this game *_*

@flutiebear​ thank you so much for your notes, they were super helpful!! my thing with JRPGs is mostly the turn based combat-- i can get SO BORED with it, i definitely prefer ARPGs where i can button mash things to death. DQXI seems to have found some kind of sweet spot for me tho, where battles are just long enough for me to like. pick a strategy and implement it, and get satisfactory results. sometimes those satisfactory results are just Talc helichoptering an entire group of enemies to death in one swing, which scratches my ‘button mash them to death’ itch :D I definitely like the easier monsters and relaxing while i play too, i’ve literally failed exactly ONE boss battle and that was bc my initial strategy sucked, not bc i didn’t have the muscle to pull it off. and omg, THE NO’S. BEST TIP EVER, THANK YOU.

and, as per your request, thoughts! :DDD full disclosure, i watched a playthrough up through the MMA tournament before I got the game, so these aren’t exactly first impressions. tons of screenshots and rambling below the cut, RIP mobile users :(

OH and because I got it on PC, i literally modded it before I even fired up the game lol. found some nice retextures on the mod nexus and installed the orchestral music overhaul too, it’s nice. The retextures are Wild Side Erik and Chainmail Luminary, i love them and I recommend the hell out of ‘em. Just a heads up so folks know why my Erik and Hero look different :D

ALRIGHT I WAS TOO DISTRACTED TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS FOR THE FIRST PART UP THE TOR but: i love gemma and i would die for her and sandy, and so would Talc. also christ, slimes are the most adorable enemy ever, DQ did a good thing with slimes. 

/NERVOUS LAUGHTER

horsey!! her name is Whisper and Talc loves her :D

so, initial Hero headcanons: Talc does not want to be a Luminary. He wants to stay in Cobblestone, and continue spending days at a time alone in the wilderness hunting for his family and culling monsters and riding horses and whittling wood and carving soapstone to pass the time. He knows he’s not Hero material-- he has to work too hard to hold his temper, and he’s too stubborn, and and and (he’s fine-- he just really wants to be like Chalky, but he’s a 16 year old kid who thinks good people ((like Chalky)) don’t have to try so hard to be good people, not a man with 60+ years of experience and time to mellow out. he’ll get there.) So Talc’s plan is 100% ‘Go to Heliodor, explain the situation to the king’s Knights and give them the pendant so one of them can go defeat the evil instead, then go home to Cobblestone.’ and well. We know how that turns out.

the most hardened, you say ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

THIS FUCKER. WHAT IS THIS FUCKER. 47 HOURS INTO THIS GAME AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS FUCKER IS. ARE YOU GOOD? ARE YOU EVIL?? ARE THERE A BUNCH OF YOU, OR IS IT JUST FUCKING YOU FOLLOWING ME EVERYWHERE? TELL ME

THERE HE IS!!! THERE’S MY BOY!! <3_<3 

In Talc’s defense, he was trying to open the jars, not smash them. yes i absolutely have to reconcile breaking into people’s homes and smashing their stuff with his character, he’s a country bumpkin who struggles to remember the concept of ‘private property’ and is so stupidly strong from rock climbing and swinging a greatsword around that is is a genuine struggle for him to lay hands on ceramic without shattering it. he’s a bit of a bull in a china shop, and it’s only growing up with Gemma that let him develop a reflex-bordering-on-instinct to be as gentle as possible with other human beings that, unfortunately, does not translate well to inanimate objects.

also... ngl, it took... a minute for that accent to grow on me. that accent, man. more like ‘those accents’ JUST PICK ONE AND STICK WITH IT DUDE

talc: you know those days when you’re like ‘this might as well happen, adult life is already so goddamn weird’

also, those SHOUJO SPARKLES. i will NEVER BE OVER THE SPARKLES.

holy shit i love Erik’s expressions and poses so much, he’s so fucking expressive (all the characters are, the voice acting and animation in this game has been a delight every step of the way, but i just. adore Erik’s in particular, everything he does is so endearing to me.)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS QUEST NAME, IT COULD NOT BE ANY LESS SUBTLE

little did he know what monster he had created

seriously tho i LOVE the crafting system in this game, it’s a good challenge and a little frustrating when one of the random events screws you up, but SO SO SATISFYING when you finally get your +3. also it works really well with my headcanon that Talc is very much a “show your love by providing the ones you care about with anything they could possibly need or want” type of person. he’s actually very good at anticipating said needs/wants and has a knack for giving his friends things before they even properly knew they needed/wanted the thing. he also has a tendency to...kind of forget that he can get things in return, and gets really flustered and happy when he does get something which also leads to a tendency to treasure and consequentially hoard small dumb things BECAUSE they were gifts.

this is where Talc’s heart starts to go doki-doki-- he's very much a people pleaser, if he can make folks happy it makes him happy. the little bit of trouble is it was pretty much the status quo in cobblestone, and a little bit taken for granted by the time he strikes out-- not by everyone, or all the time, for sure, but getting out into the world and getting a sudden influx of gratitude is like crack for him. Also Erik is Nice and Handsome and was happy to do all the talking in downtown Heliodor so Talc didn’t have to worry about it, so Talc now definitely wants to keep Erik. It’s also hilarious to Talc that Erik is clearly skilled with knives, and yet has zero clue how to dress or cook a rabbit-- he’s very determined to keep the city boy alive (watch me walk this headcanon back in a few days when i finally get his back story and it turns out he lived off the land for years)

oh man, my HEART, MY HEART. even knowing it was coming, playing through this part was rough, especially since now it’s my Talc running around the ruins of the one place he wanted to live out his days protecting. ;_; that was his job, that’s what he was good at and contributed to his home, except for the one time it really, really needed him. he’s more than a little fucked up about it, but it’s a big part of him really leaning into the Luminary role- he can’t stand the thought of it happening to anyone else.

this. this is kinda a big deal for him, after cobblestone. after learning people blame him for Dundrasil, and then feeling responsible for Cobblestone, he’s already starting to have tiny, niggling doubts about ‘oh shit what if i AM some kind of darkspawn??’ Fighting alongside Erik through the Kingsbarrow and getting to feel like he’s helping and protecting Erik helps, and then so does this. 

it also plays right into his thing for doing justice-- which, he tries to hold Chalky’s words close to his heart, he does, and his vision isn’t the first time Chalky has had to encourage him to let grudges go. it was the main motivation for the vast majority of his pranks as a kid: make Gemma cry by telling her proper ladies don’t play at catching frogs and getting dirty? enjoy the frog hidden in a jar leaping out at your face, old lady. accuse him of being a darkspawn and throw him and his family in jail? hell yes he is going to help this thief steal your greatest treasure, and love every minute of it.

and now, to wrap things up bc this post is already way too long and i’ve got. the rest of act one to yammer about later:

YES

YESSSSS

YAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS

in conclusion: this is a good game and a good ship and i already have 300 words of fic sitting in my gdrive <_<;;;

[philiie]

Interactive Introverts London highlights

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD PROCEED AT YOUR OWN PERIL

This is also the most extra shit like I spent hours writing everything up lol

Go check out @danfanciesphil post here of the Brighton show which inspired me to do this :))

- When they first came it was the coolest thing ever. They were standing on the podium thing and the screen at the back lifted to reveal them in a cloud of smoke and they were silhouettes until the spotlight shined on them. Holy shit it was the best thing ever it doesn't even seem real.

- They were quite close to their apartment as well so Phil said they were considering bringing their sofa and "sitting in our browsing position".

- Dan mentioned how Phil's old videos from 2008 were very different from now (lots of audience approval) and how they were kind of really creepy and weird and honesty it probably isn't a good thing (I disagree but sure whatever). Phil talked about 'snokoplasm' and how it was literally just him rubbing slime over himself shirtless pretending to be futuristic (lots of audience approval for that lol) but he doesn't make videos like that anymore because he wants to make things that are actually entertaining and things he WANTS to make.

- Montage of everything they aren't gonna do in the show just so our expectations are levelled.

- They went backstage to get a silver box (Dan literally Naruto ran for no apparent reason) from which they were acting out the things using props from it in the centre while a voice narrated. In between each one the lights went darker so you could only see their silhouettes as they grabbed props. It was all very pantomime like which was really cool and theatrical.

- The things included: 24 hour livestream of them doing domestic home things (recording of dan on the toilet and Phil munching on crunchy nut appeared on the screen lmao), Erotic roleplay (Phil was in a policeman hat and had a baton thing while dan was in handcuffs. The recording of dan saying please be gentle, I have sensitive skin played), Stripping on stage... they started acting like they were going to actually take their tops off and they actually ripped them off to reveal an exact copy of the top underneath except Phil was now in a half sleeved shirt instead of full sleeved (I now understand Louise's joke)

- Phil stumbled and almost tripped on the step when going into the centre and was like "I almost forgot there was a step there" and was walking really strangely into the middle like elongating his legs after every time he lifted them and Dan made fun of it being like who tf walks like that. "Does anyone ever feel like Phil is actually an alien learning how humans work?" Later on in the show Phil says something about removing his lizard face and Dan says THAT would explain the weird walking. He also imitates Phil going up into the centre and says "I'm doing a Phil walk" v v cute :))

- For the Dan vs Phil segment they talked about the electric shock machines and for each round the pointer moved up one level of electric shock. The first time it moved into the yellow area and Phil said "Finger in the yellow" which elicited a massive audience reaction and dan stopped and was like oh god and Phil was giggling in his 'oops shouldn't have said that' way, somehow he made that adorable.

- The first round was seeing how well they know each other and Dan made the comment saying "don't worry guys I'm Phil trash #1 and all"

- Phil's question was: What did Dan swap alcohol with in ISG10?

Phil answered green tea correctly but the electric shock sound effect came up anyways. Dan was like no you answered that correctly it should have been a ding but the ding didn't come up anyways (lol tech crew nice one)

- Dan expressed extreme discomfort with 'x rated lester' "in any interpretation"

- Dan's bad thing was 'spoilers' and he tried to say that it's better to not be surprised. (I'm pretty sure this is the bit where he said "otherwise I'd be like 'Phil... Phil I don't feel so good'" reaching his arm out to him (infinity war reference for those who don't know,,, I could have killed him in that moment can he not) "Too soon? Yeah probably too soon."

- Phil's good thing that he had to make bad "getting unlimited money" Dan found that hilarious. His way of making it bad was that it gives you too much power- he would strap two planes together and stand on top of and ride them which would probably make them explode.

- They used the Isle of Man pic of Dan for the Dan, Phil or a rat segment (you guys know the one where he's smiling super happy) that just made me feel very warm :)

- The picture for Dan was just a really pale cream colour and Dan made the joke that it might be translucent enough to be Phil's skin but he said no I bet it's a troll and guessed rat. Turns out Dan was right and it actually was Phil's skin lmao from the picture of Phil with the silver hair dye.

- When Dan got electrocuted he fully hit his shin on one of the benches and basically died on stage. He fully snorted and turned away in shame and pain and it was the most hilarious thing ever. "Who designed this stupid set" LMAO

- Phil asks us to clap on the count of 3 after which some people immediately clap and Dan's like omg no on the count of 3. But then people start clapping for the people that clapped "are you seriously clapping for the people that just clapped" and then basically everyone started clapping and oh my gosh it was the best moment ever I've never felt more collectively part of something in that moment it was so funny and Dan looked so done with us all. A great moment.

- Someone asked in the getting deep part that there's a guy she likes but all she does is makes vine references. Phil's response to that is if he doesn't appreciate your vine references he's not worth it. Dan: "there's your dating advice from Phil"

- Phil was cleaning in 'Dan's' room (dan says "like you've ever done a chore") Phil's indignantly says he vacuums doing the hand movement. Apparently he found 'something weird' under 'Dan's' bed so he brought out a silver box that was locked saying it was heavy and handed it to Dan. [yes I'm putting that all in quotation marks fight me]

- He wanted the audience to guess what they thought was inside the box and the things that people said were: A single piece of Phil's hair, A fursuit and a Dildo(ll) rip they kept emphasising DOLL it was too funny nice one whoever that was lmao

- Phil was asking the audience if anyone had a key to open the box and Nora (what a legend) threw some plastic keys onto the stage and Phil fully tried to unlock the box using them lmao what a cutie. When Dan came back with the actual key Phil was like someone had plastic keys and dan was like wtf it was too funny.

- Do you really know Dan and Phil? 1% of people said 'who are Dan and Phil?' Lol they wouldn't stop bringing that up. 47% (?) of people said they don't really know Dan and Phil and Dan was like wow Phil why are you so shady? (He said this twice in the show when addressing the idea that their personalities are different online)

- They did a pie chart to show fave video series which apparently they were really excited about seeing as they hyped that up for a solid 2 minutes,,, "90% of the budget of the show was for this pie chart"

- Dan got sacrificed attached to the wheel of death comes out yelling with no warning so everyone is just screaming because it was so unexpected so i couldn't actually hear anything he said but the basic gist of it was fuck you all lmao.

- When Phil tried hitting him with a slinky it was a couple inches away from "the danger zone" I.e. Dan's crotch. Phil repeats the phrase danger zone two more times after that lmao.

- Dan says "almost hit my balls" w o w.

- The last time is some massive intense bazooka that Phil started stroking and then dan was like "stop stroking it- especially with those gloves on".

- Phil hits him the last time with the bazooka literally almost at his crotch and Dan screams. They say how it's all our fault and that we should feel bad. Phil is like "I don't think they feel guilty" lol I mean he's not wrong

- At the end dan was like "Phil help unstrap me" clearly looking for Phil to unstrap him around the waist but Phil went for his feet instead lmao (Dan just wanted a reaction from us Phil lmao well done). Phil finally got the memo though and helped and then dan stumbled out being like okay get away from me don't touch me and Phil just giggled.

- The white protection suit lab coat thing got stuck on dans shoe so he was hopping around and Phil was like do you need a hand there and Dan said "no Phil I don't need your help to get me undressed" and everyone screamed and Dan was like okay okay shut up (idk if that was an intentional line or not I couldn't actually tell but... nice)

- Phil's diss track happened and if you're reading this you've probably seen a transcript of it already but damn hearing him say bitch live was the best thing ever lmao. Also when he said the line about not wanting to get demonetised he did the making it rain hand gesture (thanks anon) which was hilarious

- There was a point where Dan was like no Phil you can't swear on stage and Phil was like aw why not I wanted to say "what the (fuck)" mouthing it and that's more than I could have ever hoped for

- They did the song and it was v cute and got stuck in my head. When Phil got up and sat on the piano he was swaying one leg back and forth and it was adorable.

- They ended the show bowing and went back behind the black screen that they came out from and were waving the whole way through and Phil was bending down to wave as the screen was going down and it was v lovely :))

And then I died the end.

[riskeith]

hii!

oh right! i forgot that you can see the ask while responding hehe. i wish that was the case for moi as well because i have all our convos screenshotted because of this.

(actually not really? like my appearance is super girly and i like ~girly~ things but i also love the dudebro culture.. it do be like that. wbu?) WHY DID THE TSUKISHIMA IS NOT A TR*MP SUPPORTER SEND ME.... now who the hell would even say that and be serious... some people man i’m telling you.

diluc 🤝 razor 🤝 fischl animals over their heads.

oo.. you sparked my attention.. will def check it out. i was too busy playing last night to read anything but Today I Will.

OH YEAH I’VE SEEN THOSE cyberpunk is such a messy game sndhdkdhfjsk. HOLY SHIT THAT TRAILER MADE ME SO EXCITED! sjshdkdjfjdk god this game is so amazing yet fucking huge... how the hell will it fit any phone if it keeps getting bigger and bigger..?

nooo don’t worry i’m having fun tbh. and i’m super motivated too so that might be the case. also i switched the dub to japanese just before venti’s story mission and i’m loving it so much. thankfully there isn’t too much battle yet to distract me but god i love all their voices so far. venti... hinata finally started to actual fly. i like diluc’s voice too! love his actually, super fitting for his character. 🥺

WOULD KEITH LOOK LIKE THIS IRL... he probably would 😭 greasy boy lived in the desert his hair is probably so bad 😭 what kind of mullet would you want though? like s1 keith or s7 keith? or do you have a specific kpop artist’s hair you wanna replicate? OOO.... rock star? 😳💢 what’s your clothing style if you had to describe it? also what are your thoughts about tattoos and piercings? since we’re on the topic of punk rock hdjdsksj.

idk why i find your beef with slow songs so funny aksjdhdjdhdjsk like i can just imagine you groaning bc a song doesn’t pick up the pace lol (omo...... where would we go? 😳)

treasure hoarders are fun to fight bc they just cuss you the fuck out sjdkdkshd. i like when they yell at you yet they’re so weak like fuck off dude. THE HILICHURLS ARE KIND OF CUTE YOU’RE RIGHT especially the ones that dance or sleep and you interrupt them... 🥺 personally i like fighting the slimes i think they’re adorable. they just bounce and their music isn’t too loud or annoying. you know what i fucking hate? goddamn ruin guards i can’t stand them and their aggressive music dhdjdkshs. their drop rates are shit but hilichurls are also the most common enemy, right?

after dinner? aww. same! it’s such a nice way to wind down; a cup of tea and some candle lights.. i love all of those flavors Except matcha, it just doesn’t work for me kdhddk i feel like green tea tastes like grass.. sometimes i drink it bc it’s healthy but i’m Not happy. otherwise i’m like you i drink practically everything. mostly black tea though because that’s what most common in my culture i suppose. djdkdj i used to be so good at drinking water but since i’ve been at home a lot it’s been getting worse... i do have a water bottle by my side always bc as much as i drink other things clean water is important too! are you good at drinking water?

do you know about the euphoria make up style though? it’s super colorful and lots of glitter and abstract shapes it’s so amazing and it would fit xiao so well. like imagine him in bold aqua and purple make up with lots of shimmer... 🥴

hehe, can’t wait to hear from you! <3 (and yeah! no i figure i’ll just keep it so you’ll at least know my name.. we’ve been talking since oct it’s only fair.. right?)

heya!! 

ghdgkjdfg i do be taking up your photo gallery tho <33

(:o! i reckon i’m pretty much of a tomboy, tho i’m definitely stereotypically girly too.. but sometimes i have a hard time relating to other girls so hsfjdhfksd) FHSKFSD yeah ikr like.... sometimes it really aint that deep there are no other sides to it LOL

i hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sure did i reread it as well a few days ago ahaha

IKRRR I REWATCH THE TRAILER AGAIN EVERY NOW AND THEN JUST BC LIKE,,,, THE HYPE. that’s actually a good point tho lmao like??????? buys a phone/device JUST for genshin fhsdkjfhskdfs

nice!!! hope you enjoy the japanese dub hehehe. and omg that’s so cute 😭😭😭 he’s tobe flying now... and yasss diluc’s VA is really popular too his voice is 👌 sehr gut

FHDFKJSDHK EWWW. yikes i don’t remember his hair but i think s1?? it was shorter then right... “tidier” lol i feel like at s7 it was kinda outta control fhskfjds. and yeah!! https://twitter.com/worldsbestmulet/status/1186534890415644673 < he was my insp for a bit bc we’re both chinese so i think realistically i could look somewhat close if i tried fhskjfhds but also https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/7b/fc/de7bfc8c52603abd7c69dc558c9c8bfe.jpg is what i showed my hairdresser when i wanted an undercut hfksdjfds. my clothing style is legit just: whatever’s comfortable. it’s pretty much all sports branded clothes fhskfjsd and i live in my hoodie + trackies lollllll. but last year w uni i wanted to step up my fashion game (rip) and i wanna buy more street style clothes!! they’re just... quite expensive lmaooo. what’s yours like? 

and i like them!! when i was 14 i wanted to get a tongue piercing FKHDSHFKSDHFKSD but i never did lol. but i did get a double helix piercing in dec finally!!!!!!! i think i’m done now tbh (aside from that i only have my lobes pierced) but yeah it’s not a big desire of mine. i had a dream once tho where i was decked out in piercings and thought it was very Cool. as for tattoos, i’ve always wanted to get one! and last year i was lowkey toying around with the idea of getting a sleeve but realistically i cannot bc well. med. (if anyone reading this has a good stable well paying job for me that’ll allow me to quit uni... hmu FHSFHDSFKJSD) you??

FHSKDFHDS yeahhh it’s so awkward when people are recommending me songs and it’s slow bc im just like “mm yeah it’s nice.” and if it does actually pick up the pace then i’m like “i liked the fast parts” FHSDKFSD. (wherever you want to go baby 😉 wait omg..... read running on air that just have me.. roa vibes HFKJDSHFKSHFKSD) 

yes!! i love those hilichurls sm... AHAHAHH i used to hate ruin guards too but now they’re actually one of my faves dhfdskj. you know what’s so annoying tho. dendro slimes when i don’t have any pyro users on me. or when i can’t find them and the music has just started up out of noweher hfdskjf. yeahhh i think they are but :(( you can’t tell me “dropped by lvl 60+ hilichurls” and not have them drop it for me.. 

ahaha that’s fair!! i adamantly did not try anything matcha until like 2018/19 and then wow. a whole new world opened up to me and now i only get matcha whenever i go places fhdskj. ooft... yeah i’m really good at drinkng water it’s the only thing i drink lol... and i’m always just drinking and refilling my cup and giving myself an excuse to leave my room fhskjds.

yeah i think i have an idea! mostly just zendaya in the song thumbnails fhskdfjs but i am picturing a lot of glitter!! that image wow...... his colour palette is so 🤩🤩

(omg since oct... has it been that long already 😳 but okay if that’s what you’re happy with!! i promise i won’t accidentally out you here ahaha. also! when you reach co-op send me your UID in a separate ask!! i’ll delete it after i add you im just paranoid about you sharing your uid anywhere public hfskdjfhsd) 

babe.. this thread https://twitter.com/seungjinphobia/status/1349001013978533890?s=21 no thoughts head empty.

omg 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i cannot... their dynamic is literally xiao: someone’s gonna die >:( venti: of fun! :D JHFSKFHDSKJFSK i can’t take it someone stop them!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhdkjfhaofisdhliajdfhdsjkfhgsliudfhasdkjhdasjgadsj

hope your day has been wonderful so farrrrr OH ALSO I FINALLY MADE MY GENSHIN TWITTER FOR CHONGYUN... will share over co-op maybe.. i haven’t really set it up yet hfskdjds

[talknow]

StreetNOW Reporting at 3 am

By InDaCarSeat Terry Dwayne Ashford

Check out the video for the release of the Song Video “do it like you do it”

Today’s Daily broadcast by DaTGuY: Do It Like You Do It

Met Bonnie and gave a ride to the store. She seems scared from prior abuse she said. But I am knowledgeable about the world and will see what’s what in due time. I gave her a ride to the store in hopes of meeting nice people. She is a little edgy but that is understandable and acceptable. The more I meet women who may have been abused dudes are TERRIBLE. They are GAY and have grave intentions when even meeting these ladies. I can’t deal with seeing N8GGER dudes and the plot had the nerve to invite on a demand that I be a part of killers and rapists of white MEN. These are all criminals black racist rapists of white MEN. Outright rapists that HURT Black WOMEN right before raping in profusion white men. I feel disgusted. Bonnie, as nice as we were, was most likely accosted by the whiter plot when we dispersed. And that is why she called back so soon. Sadly I take you back to Tupac. Do not or you will find yourself gone with a supposed friend backing you. The nice lady Bonnie May have been that. And fixed. She offered me her tags from her car. That is a no no. Declines nicely. But knew the problems that may be associated with such.

When called back I picked up on the schemes but decided to test it and try it as safe. She could also be used as a decoy to lie behind the scenes. Accepting the second call from the nice lady who tried to identify me as someone she knew from around the way inaccurately and may even have been fraudulent was to frame the situation. The one was trying to frame me as driving. And would have testified to that in a court behind the scenes. And that would be false. She called me back and offered me MONEY to DRIVE her. And that was framing HER as entrapment. The woman named Bonny was trying to entrap the InDaCarSeat man behind the scenes without his knowledge. The justification for accepting was framing the plot as I even partially declined any cash. And the 3 dollars that was accepted was to accommodate fuel for the framing. In addition it did assist in the extenuating circumstance. The lady named Bonny that may have been placed to entrap the InDaCarSeat journalist was another racist persistent frame by the police- accosted in surveillance. Anyone that was caught talking to the InDaCarSeat guy was to be accosted by the police aiming in order to frame in racism the InDaCarSeat man. And we GOT this one TOO.

I throw your billion dollar offer because you are H9NKYs using N8GGERs against the progressive blacks. I throw your Offer of anything and require my job back. Taking anything this H9NKY N8GGER shit has to offer is a PLOT against YOUR LIFE, that is only fit for POOR TRASH.

A bum on the street would benefit from such a H9NKY offer to embed himself into evil behind the scene shit eating. But a professional making $150k has nothing to GAIN and everything to lose fucking with POOR White Trash. It is common that poor trash of any kind wants the progressive people - but putting SHITBOAT Turds from the BOTTOM of the barrel of gook and slimed dook is only FIT for MONKEYS, Apes and DOGS. It’s dirty MONEY that only a nasty low class low life digger of heads in shitholes would FIND even a bit interesting.

To offer a shithole when you have a mansion is not a perk. And that is why offering such a shitHOLE piece of shit worth billions in LIES to a poor white H9NKY trashy dumbo racist is nosed DOWN by such aristocracy as Terry Dwayne Ashford and his mother. Dude only a dummy with nothing would appreciate something like this SHIT HOLE that has NOT even an ounce of proof is worth even 2 goddamn pennies. Not even an ounce of validity that any of this ploy would work even for a bum much less someone whose life was beautiful, straight-laced with all goodness and value. There is no way a person of class, of aristocracy, of progress, of anything would accept such bull shit in his or her life. This report and message comes from the InDaCarSeat DaTGuY Terry Dwayne Ashford speaking on behalf of his mother, Wilma Greenwood Ashford. Only fit for poor people who are DUMB and have no class or directions in life.

Although we used the HOES who was trying to HOE us in all their ENVY and shames of the world-testing that is not penetrating can be done on behalf of the victims and that my dear is protocol. My apologies to BONNIE who met under genuine circumstances. But Bonnie we know you received a call after meeting that told you to carry out certain activities for a plot. And we played to that plot to SNIPE the hoes. And that is what we have done. Now in our court records we will research the call that went to Bonnie’s phone on March 31, 2020 between hours of 630 pm and 8 pm. And we have caught another slick Willie that does not go by that name. We got him. And you are done. Bonnie was called and given instructions for which she complied and called Terry Dwayne Ashford back and offered entrapment fundings. And that was seen by Terry Dwayne Ashford and accepted to snipe the bribe. And you play GAMES. Dude butch or bitch I am the MOTHER Fucking GAME.

And, once again you are SNIPED. The entrapment attempt was another racist persistency aimed because we were black. Journalist who are black was seen just as all other blacks in America as half-ass good to be portrayed to public while all of their good shit be stolen for A Poor White Trashy H9NKY. And we SNIPED all that shit on the fact that we are even better than any one in shit eating. Dude we don’t do that.

Now for someone poor and getting f’s and have no way of making a life even half of that they see of their brother terry Ashford done with ease, the jealousy sent them 59 that decision.

so not only was the persistent frames and targeting RACISM so was the decision to have allowed the black jealousy in to invade. They only let them did this because the richer and smarter ones were BLACKS. The decision that allowed the N8GGERs to override policy and rights of these individuals was based on their race.

Fucking racists they are that allowed jealousy to attack while backing the “JEALOUS BLACKS” attack of the BETTER BLACKS for (the H9NKYs). And that was sniped by the better black InDaCarSeat Terry Dwayne Ashford.

The premise of the H9NKY is understood as “yeah black dumb hoe - I am going to let you attack your own PEOPLE for US - as long as your ass don’t get caught. Then we gonna swap even on your black ass and go back to being good ole white folks and put your ass away.” And that is the mental premise of the poor white trash that allowed my N8GGER brothers to attack the InDaCarSeat Terry Dwayne Ashford and his mother. As long as they didn’t get caught- “The let’s make this money off these N8GGERS”. And that failed the H9NKY too. Gotcha White trash. Gotcha in your shitmonkey boat load of TURDS. Lawd have mercy LaughLoud by InDaCarSeat DaTGuY to be aired on DaTGuY Radio “all for you!” How you like THAT for your rhapsody. Music 🎼 can be YOUR POWER TOO. The InDaCarSeat DaTGuY is none other than Terry Dwayne Ashford. We forfeit your H9NKY ass shit smearing OFFER. Where is the billion dollars beforehand H9NKY, if you believe in your shit like that. See you don’t even believe in your own shit. Cuz it’s DUMB and only meant for special education dumb children and Lawd have mercy DUMB CHILDREN abbreviation is DC. OMG it’s might be TRUE.

This shit was specially designed for dumb people who were poor and out to be killed by dumber poorer H9NKYs. And they named DC as the abbreviation. DC may stand for dumb children on the sneak. OMG and that is your H9NKY.

Suckie suckie.

I am gonna go ahead and bust some bubbles - “Terry Dwayne Ashford would never have a downlow underground dude in his LIFE” regardless of way. Anyone who have said he has - LIED.

Terry Dwayne Ashford have never even sexed a downlow from his recall. Not one like that. Even an attractive downlow is UN-Attractive to the InDaCarSeat. I would NEVER have a downlow in my life. Never ever. Don’t even LOOK in my face like that.

Everyone comes in this man’s presence is a potential and a bitch can see it but not SUPPOSED to say a word. What indaFUCK was that? I would never have a downlow working a cash register to a public of N8GGERS or H9NKYs in America. NEVER. If I like someone the first judgement call is “am I getting hard by seeing them or Is the face something I would want to see again?” And the answer to every goddamn FAGGIT N8GGER I see in DC is HELL goddamn NO. I don’t want to ever see a goddamn N8GGER that is one with black in his blood ever AGAIN especially not alone in a dark romantic place. Fuck NO turn this goddamn bright lights on up in this mother fucker or get me the fuck out of here with this goddamn N8GGER. Get me the FUCK out of this dark ass shit with this N8GGER and now before I kick this goddamn door in! Never N8GGER NEVER. When the N8GGER stop listening to H9NKYs then the N8GGER might get somewhere. See all this is what a H9NKY does- not what a person like me does. Take your goddamn little H9NKY into the back room not no thoroughbred like me. Now open this mother fucking door. Here take this goddamn money and lock this HOE away.

Lord Jesus Christ I want to throw UP. Dude don’t look at me like that NO MORE! Get that H9NKY over there. OMG I feel like crying a N8GGER is so disgusting. I feel like crying that a N8GGER hurt a woman. I feel almost as devastated as the woman. Don’t ask me SHIT lock these mother fucking N8GGERs away all of them. All! Lock’em away and I never want to see them ever again. I never want to see another N8GGER ever again. I hate you N8GGERS! I hate YOU. If not fucking put this N8GGER away then I would NEVER fuck. Lock the black ass N8GGER away. Lock all of them away for hurting my life over some H9NKY promises! Lock them away. I have NEVER liked no H9NKY like that for them to have professed liking ME. Never even talked to NO H9NKY man unless it was professional that is all. Lock them AWAY! Yes. You have it correct. I don’t want to see them no more! I much rather see YOU dead executed and disposed into ashes that’s thrown into some far away sea. I do not want to see YOU downlow criminals ever again. Take your wives with you. I don’t want to see them either. Get rid of them I do not want even a goddamn memory of the shit eating racists! And don’t talk to me. Ever. Now relocate me to France and don’t like me!

I want them executed for the BEEF. For coming behind the scenes after someone’s life. I want them EXECUTED for a POWER POINT to the WORLD. Execute the Black Ass N8GGER and I want to pull the lever to kill him. Execute the brothers that did this whether it is true or NOT! Execute them don’t even waste any time. Just hook them up and pull the damn lever. Period. As many as possible and tell them it’s Wilma Power! Kill the N8GGER HOEs.

WilmaWAYNE wears clothing line.

[lydstorycorner-blog]

RIFT KING...continued

“That’s right, close the door and head to back please I don’t want to be late. Your lucky I didn’t leave your ass. Hurry up and get in.” Frustrated Braya slammed the door close and headed for the back of the minivan to join her brothers. Quentin and Quincy were three years younger then Braya, but at thirteen they looked three years older then her each at least 6'0 foot tall and had matching peach fuzz growing underneath their nose and chin. Unfortunately that mature look didn't also account for their behavior. Braya was greeted by a basketball that nearly missed her head as it went flying by her as she open the minivan door. “Oh shit sorry Bray, did the ball hit you” Quincy said apologetically. “Could you go get that for us” Quentin said with a grin on his face. Braya pushed passed her two brothers and sat down. Resting her head on the window “Well excuse you princess” Quentin quickly ran out of the van to quickly grab his ball and got back in. Braya rested her head on the cold car window and closed her eyes. The nightmare had stayed with her. She could still feel the acid slime on her skin. It had felt so real. She even had a bruise around her ankle, Braya couldn’t shake this bad feeling; it was just a really fucked up nightmare. Ryles pulled up to Ezra king Middle school, the twins got out and headed to their destination. Braya waited for her sister to start moving the van, but nothing happened. Braya opened her eyes to see her older staring her with a blank look. “What?” Braya answering her sister stare. “What do you mean what, you got get out and walk the rest of the way.” Braya looked at her sister dumbfounded. Ryles couldn’t be serious. Naw she ain’t serious. “Ha ha good one Ryles”. “It’s not a good one. Braya I’m dead ass serious. You need to get out and walk the rest of the way”. Ryles pressed the automatic release button for the rear doors. Braya face slipped off the car window as it slid opened. “Are you serious our school is still two blocks away, why do I have to get out”. Ryles turned around in the driver seat to face Braya. “Listen Bray this is my last year of high school, and thus far I have maintained a high level of popularity at school that I would like to keep, and being seen with or in association with you might tarnish it”. Braya felt a bit of a sting to her gut, her relationship with her sister wasn’t a close one but this was ridiculous. “So just drive to school and park the car, and after you leave I'll wait in the car until you go in and then I'll go in” Ryles face remained unchanged “No…nope I just can’t chance it, you’re going to need to walk”. Braya couldn’t believe the words coming out of her sister’s mouth. Braya knew she was never what you would considered popular, but Ryles not wanting to be seen with her was just mean. How could she possible embarrass her sister by them being seen together. “How would being seen with me possible hurt you Ryles. I’m practically invisible at school”. Ryles face tightened a bit Braya wasn’t getting it. “Do you know there is a name people at school call you”. Braya knew all to well the name she was called; Potty Lock girl. Braya’s freshman year was chalk full of bad moments, but there was one that was especially bad. The school had just installed a new fire system and planned to test it at lunch. All classes were supposed to meet on the football field with there homeroom teachers. Braya being the shy awkward girls she was decided to wait out the fire drill in the girls bathroom. So there she was in a stall, sitting on a the toilet, eating the homemade sandwich she packed for herself and in half chew she heard the door to the bathroom open “Hello. Anyone inside the stalls”. Braya stayed silent, then heard the click. In a panic Braya ran to the door and began knocking on it, but it was to late she was locked in. So she did the only thing she could do; go back and sit in the stall and wait for the door to be opened and leave quietly before anyone noticed. Unfortunately for Braya when the doors were opened up again there was already students waiting to get inside. Braya hoped she could slip out and mix in with them hopefully no one would notice that she had already been inside the bathroom during the fire drill, but they did notice. ‘Omg Shelley look' ‘what' ‘someone one was in here during the fire drill' ‘how they lock the bathroom doors' ‘I know she must of let herself get locked inside' She can still hear their giggles, Braya thought she could wait them out until they left but they didn’t want to miss the chance to see the girl who got locked in the school washroom during the fire drill, but as soon as Braya thought it was safe to get out of the stall and slink out of the washroom there was a group of people waiting and ready to point and laugh. Potty lock girl was created. Braya was snapped backed to reality when her backpack was tossed out of the car. “oh come on Ryles, that’s my bag” “Look if you start walking now you’ll make in time for your first period class, or take an Uber, see you at home. Peace”. Braya got out of the car and stood there and watched as Ryles drove off waving a hand at her. Pissed Braya picked up her bag and dusted off the dirt. So focused on her anger she didn’t notice the strange figure in black that was watching her. More coming soon...

[mslalaescargot-blog]

101 things I’ve said while playing Persona 5

 ((Me and my siblings play persona sometimes when we’re real tired. I’m bad at video games. It’s a fun time.))

Yes, I did name my protag Enrique De Garza. I have headcannons about the spanish crimeboy if people want them.

1.       *Long and drawn out conversation about sexual favors on the school rooftop*

2.       *Torero (by Chayanne) lyrics* “Appropriate music.”

3.       “I’m blind and I don’t understand…”

4.       “What is Shakira doing right now?” “Body rolls?” *Sings Tight pants / Body rolls really loudly and obnoxiously*

5.       “There are two periods in the day: morning and even—” “I just want to be friends with my dad, okay?”

6.       “I want kindness! I wanna work at the flower shop!” “Nope, flower shop gives you kindness. You want charm.” “FUCK!”

7.       “What do we do in these safe rooms?” “MAKE LOVE”

8.       “I’m deaf. I’m deaf, I’m blind, I’m a baby kitten.”

9.       “David, you’re in my shirt.”

10.   “Ambush him!” “HAH!” *Opens menu* “…Fuck.”

11.   “Oh no, Ryuji’s dead. What can I do?” “Items. Or you can use skills if you have them. Or you can just kill him.” “WHAT?!”

12.   “Y’know, the Hairies are weak to gun. … Wait.”

13.   “Great, only one of my people has a brain, and that’s… Ryuji.”

14.   “Our father, who art in heaven, Safe Mode be thy name…”

15.   *Fergalicious lyrics* “Appropriate music.  I make the best playlists.”

16.   “I hope you’re happy with yourself. You were ambushed by two guys in flip-flops.”

17.   “I don’t wanna go back to the boobs…”

18.   “Menacing Owlman.” “Tag yourself. OMG. TAG YOURSELF.”

19.   “Well, obviously. It’s an authority figure. We need Ryuji.”

20.   “I mean… Ryuji’s tits are pretty fine, soo…”

21.   “Does it bother you that Igor goes *clacks teeth like a dinosaur* and still manages to make M and N sounds?”

22.   “Your BOY needs to chill the fuck out.” “My BOY takes after ME. I’m not sure he CAN.” “… Also your boy doesn’t say fuck.”

23.   “You aren’t allowed up here.” “Yeah, but what about the secret blowjobs? Can’t do that in the library, Makoto.”

24.   “I didn’t know we could make a bus uncomfortable.” “Bus blowjobs. Super secret.”

25.   “This just in: Ryuji is actually several majestic flip-flaps in a trench coat.”

26.   “Can I take a bath? I haven’t taken a bath in two weeks.” “YOU SMEEELLLLYY!”

27.   *Ann threatens to tear down Madarame’s shack* “Also, tearing that house down probably involves breathing lightly on the walls.”

28.   “Somehow I think ‘I gotchu Boo’ is a little out of character for Enrique.”

29.   “You know, cats can’t equip undies.” “Shame.”

30.   “Yeah, I do like your lady’s dress, Iwai.”

31.   “Y’all, I got three boys in undies who’re ready to fight.”

32.   “My nose is all itchy…” “AWWW…” “He’s a jock.”

33.   “Who is attacking me?” “GUYS!!!”

34.   “Um, excuse me, that was my… FUCK!”

35.   “It’s called PAINting for a reason!!!”

36.   “That will be your exfiltration route.” “I hate that.”

37.   “I am thou, thou art I. I exist amongst the merchandise as a frowny face.”

38.   “You know who I just figured out that Yusuke dresses like?” “Who?” “Mary Berry.”

39.   “Coffee Dad is unimpressed with my choice of friends.” “Your friends are unimpressed with your choice of friends.  Look at Yusuke.”

40.   “Does she actually day-dream about Ryuji?” “Only angstily.”

41.   “Oh, he’s actually going to corner me in a broom closet.” “Actually, I think you’re the one cornering him in a broom closet, but that’s beside the point.”

42.   “Is Enrique a dick?”

43.   “Enrique, being the bisexual beast that he is…”

44.   “Has the prick been bothering you, Yusuke?  Do we need to go on a date to take your mind off it?”

45.   “If anyone was a hooker, you’d expect it to be Ryuji…wait.”

46.   “We pray for the skinny gays, and hope that they learn…something.”

47.   “I feel like they’ve become my Tamogachis.  I need to feed them…”

48.   “Where is the D?” “Down at the top.”

49.   “’I walked Yusuke back to the station.’ Like a good date.” “We then made out obscenely in the train station.” “We made everyone uncomfortable.” “It was great.”

50.   “I’m sorry Ann, this is a boys-only treehouse.” “Except for Makoto.” “Oh, yeah.”

51.   “’Show me your true form!’” “NO!!”

52.   “Ruyji is blinged the fuck out. Like, look at him.” “He’s also inside you.”

53.   “It’s called High Pixie, and not… some mean name.”

54.   “Why is my boy so elegant?” “He does the Naruto run. It makes me angry.”

55.   “What about my security!?” “It was a bitch… But I’m bitchier.”

56.   “I am that jiggly sinner elephant.”

57.   “Where’s the *pterodactyl screech*??”

58.   “Stop giving genders to inanimate objects.” “Fuck you, I do what I want.”

59.   “And here we see the wild Joker, knocked on his ass.” “Isn’t he pretty?”

60.   “Yusuke! Where in your space pants are you keeping an assault rifle?”

61.   “You can’t make Ryuji hungry! He’s always hungry. It’s like trying to make the hulk mad.”

62.   “It’s knowledge going up, not charm…” “It’s always charm with Enrique.”

63.   “Oh, OK. So you’ve got eight days until your nudes are leaked.”

64.   *Mona, wearing a rainbow afro* “Wait, guys, something isn’t right…”

65.   “How do I get rid of the slime?” “You say ‘Release the Slime.’”

66.   “I like the one where Ryuji yodels and Ann tells him he’s cute.”

67.   “What? You don’t want to teach Zorro to break wind?”

68.   “Is that an assault rifle in your space pants or are you just happy to see me?”

69.   “If I wasn’t so opulent, I’d be a bit more peeved.”

70.   “Hey, Mishima. You want to join the harem?”

71.   “Yusuke, if you want to draw sexual tension, you have friends for that…”

72.   “Exactly. He’s a bus, and the wheels on the bus go round and round, motherfucker.”

73.   “Ugh, you scared him away!” “He can’t help it. Ryuji is spooky.”

74.   “WE NEED AS MANY PHANTOM THEIVES AS YEW CAN THROU DAUN”

75.   “So Yusuke is now lightly boiled…” “You mean…sleeping?”

76.   “Sword, how do you feel about smacking dem snake tiddies?”

77.   “You scared him off with your fuckin’ snoring, ya spoopy bastard.”

78.   “Fuck off, Kris. We can’t all have a level five knowledge stat, so shut your damn nose.”

79.   “Fuck, I just made out with Ann too. Accidentally. … Shit.”

80.   *continues to be distraught about having Ann as a side ho*

81.   “Yeah, Ryuji will just bust a move up in here and it’ll be shocking! …Ha! Puns.” *Nobody laughs*

82.   *Competent players having a legit conversation about comparative SP usage* “Hey! Can I talk to the box?!?” “… No.”

83.   “What? Your teammates? That one’s a mouse now, because fuck him, and your other guy friend? He is now a beautiful snake.”

84.   “You know what else is really beautiful?” “Mishima?” “ME.”

85.   *Far too many dick monster jokes for general health*

86.   “Damnit, they aren’t weak to smack!”

87.   “First I had to convince Sojiro to let me keep a cat, now I have to convince Sojiro to let me keep a Yusuke…”

88.   “Why do I get the sense you’re enjoying this?” “Because he’s fucking the culprit!”

89.   “I do want to spent my Hot Night with the Mishiman.”

90.   “Oh, hi Akechi.” “What?” “You see the guy buying Cinnabuns? Right there?”

91.   “Urgh… Morgana just needs to chill his beans.” “BEANS???”

92.   “They give you great spiritual power…” “And gas.”

93.   “No, I do not like that Fox. I would like him… in a box.”

94.   “Ya done spooked the Ryooj…”

95.   “Oh, yeah. Sae is ready to cut a bitch.” “And that bitch is Akechi.”

96.   “You wanna say that a little louder, Akechi? For the people in the back? Especially your…self.”

97.   *To Iwai* “You betcha, sweetums! …that is not the right name for you, sir. I’m so sorry.”

98.   “Fuck off, Friendly Girl.” “That was rude!” “Well, she was rude to me, so she’s not very friendly.”

99.   “God, Kawakami… It’s fine. I brought condoms.

100.   *Competent players having a legit discussion about social link points* “GUYS, we need to focus more on the important issue at hand! Mishima is still wearing clothes??” “… what?”

101.  “Yusuke doesn’t have cleavage!”