#ESPECIALLY if the person who is infatuated completely disagrees with it

[bluegekk0]

For that little ask thingamajig about the assumptions I wanted to put down that I always did noticed and a assume that you put a little bit of self-projection in some of your characters ever since I discovered the blog from the start a while back.

It’s no bad thing at all mind you, it adds a deeper connection with ones characters but that’s something I kinda picked up on.

Yea this is something I did mention at certain points in the past. Vyrm especially is a character I project a lot onto. I think it started back when the AU was still just an idea, I loved the Pale King as a character but I thought a lot of fandom mischaracterized him, so even back then I knew I wanted to make my own AU interpretation to hopefully separate it from the fanon. And as I thought of his arc, especially his backstory, I found myself giving him a lot of my own traits. It made him more relatable to me, and as a result I was able to come up with his story and personality without much trouble, as it came natural. As it turned out, many of those traits were those associated with the autism spectrum, so that also made me do a lot of self-reflection and ultimately suspect I might be autistic as well. Over time the distance between my AU version and his canon counterpart increased to the point I view them as two very different characters, and that is largely because of all the self-projection. Do I regret it? Not at all. I'm convinced that if I attempted to make him very different from myself, the AU wouldn't last even a few months. It does have a slight side effect (which applies to Grimm as well) in that I'm particularly sensitive about seeing interpretations I heavily disagree with, so I tend to stay in my own sandbox instead.

Grimm, funnily enough, wasn't actually part of the AU in its first iteration. I did already imagine him and my version of PK being in love back then (albeit it was very different to what I ended up with), but I thought it would be a bit too self-indulgent to include their relationship as, arguably, the main force of the AU. I'm very glad I changed my mind in the end and included that aspect, as writing them as a "slow-burn friends to lovers" couple allowed me to give both him and Vyrm a lot more depth than they would have otherwise. Romance isn't a genre I'm particularly crazy about (and being aromantic, I can't say I have any experience with romance either), but it was a lot of fun to develop them from this angle, while still making them interesting characters by themselves, and I have no regrets about that.

When it comes to self-projection, I think Grimm's love for Vyrm is part of that, I absolutely love Vyrm so naturally I had to write his husband as completely infatuated by him as well. But it doesn't end there, for instance, Grimm's fear of losing his loved ones and the general view of mortality is something I resonate with deeply. And while this does apply to Vyrm as well, the aspect of Grimm hiding behind a mask and pretending to be someone he might not be definitely has some elements of my own struggles, especially in regards to gender identity and dysphoria, though this is in concept only and not an actual element of his character (he's very comfortable with his male identity, which I suppose could be connected to me being a masculine leaning enby)

There are some small aspects of self-projection in other characters. Hornet's explosive personality does mirror some of my own traits I'm not proud of, and I think it allowed me to do a lot of self-reflection in return. And Holly's interest in art is definitely a result of me loving the process and wanting to have a character who does as well, though aside from that we are very different.

The ramble ended up longer than I anticipated, so apologies for the wall of text. But yeah, you were absolutely right in your assumption, this AU was built with self-projection (and old man yaoi) as its foundation. I'm very happy that it did, and I hope it also makes those characters more relatable to others.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

what is your mclennon take

All righty then, feel like I haven't been asked this in two years.

(throwback to @phoneybeatlemania asking me this on anon on like day two of my having this blog <3)

I wanna preface this by saying I'm hyper-aware that multiple takes more or less fit the facts. I'm often reading up on what people who disagree with me are saying and try to consider their arguments as seriously as I can. Because of this, I don't feel entirely confident committing to one single take; more, a spectrum of scenarios I find more or less plausible.

(putting this under a read more cause I'm annoying lol)

At this point you can't really convince me John wasn't bi; the evidence is ample and IMO conclusive. Combining that with things John said after the breakup, some of his behaviours and words while the band was together makes him being attracted to Paul seem very likely to me, and I generally operate under that assumption though I do try to sometimes consider other possibilities.

Generally, I don't really buy into the idea that Paul is (meaningfully) attracted to men for two reasons: 1) he's denied it + continues to do so, and I dislike going against someone's word without good reason and 2) all the evidence I've seen for it feels very… Circumstantial. It seems more like a post-hoc explanation for a bunch of not necessarily related behaviours rather than concrete proof. (for example comparing when Paul started growing a beard to when he and Linda got together and concluding a general "return to the safety of heteronormativity" in mid-'68 based on that)

That being said, that doesn't mean I think Paul couldn't possibly be bi and I do see how the fact that he's still alive means that anecdotes like the ones we have of John confirming his consistent interest in men would not have emerged as easily and readily as they did once John died. (and conversely, Paul has outlived most Beatle-era people; I doubt much will come out from that time period at all in the near future, unless his kids decide to share things, but loyalty appears to be the currency of the McCartney Clan so…)

And also, I've seen this implied multiple times so let me reiterate: thinking Paul is not attracted to John is not equivalent to thinking Paul had an in any sense normal friendship with John. I believe that, no matter what, John was important to Paul to a probably slightly unhealthy extent and I don't discount that he's referred to John as some type of soulmate.

Now, timeline-wise, I consider myself somewhat of an outlier in that I'm highly skeptical of the idea that John was attracted to Paul from the moment they met (and, for that matter, if proof of Paul's attraction to men emerged, this skepticism would extend to him as well). But I also don't have some timeline I'm personally subscribed to because I think the evidence on this front is convoluted and somewhat contradictory. I'd say it mostly indicates to me that either a) John experienced multiple waves of infatuation which ebbed and flowed over the years or b) he was somewhat possessive of Paul before he was actually attracted to him. (or a combination of these two) Another thing I don't feel particularly confident about is at what point this attraction would have become conscious (and I err on the side of not believing an unconscious attraction could have lasted especially long)

I usually try to approach them holistically as people and when I can leave the romantic/sexual stuff unaddressed because I think a lot of aspects of their relationship can be analysed regardless of the precise nature of their dynamic. On the other hand, I do acknowledge that both these men were very sex/love-oriented and thus I can't discount it completely.

[declanlikesmusic]

Today's Listens: Episode 002

August 6th, 2023

Welcome back to the series! I hope that as I write more of these and document my growing thoughts on music & albums, we all come to acknowledge that while you may disagree with me on some takes more than others, we would all best come together to civilly discuss our collective love for the music that we're passionate for.

That said, this is a content warning for graphic imagery, specifically on the cover art for this first album. If you're not a fan of gross bodily organs and stuff, don't worry, neither am I.

Nirvana – In Utero (1993)

I'm kicking off today with me accepting the fact that I'm not a big In Utero guy. I know this album has often seen reappraisal as considered by a great deal of music peeps to be Nirvana's best album, but I'm personally firmly in the Nevermind camp, even though my last revisit of that album wasn't as infatuated. That said, while I wasn't keen on the raw recordings of this album at first, I grew to be more based and accustomed to it in the years since, leading to some damn good enjoyment nonetheless. It's a very good album all the same and I respect the status that it has, especially today.

6.9 / 10

Highlights: Heart-Shaped Box, Very Ape, Milk It, All Apologies

t e l e p a t h テレパシー能力者 – アンドロメダ (2014)

I'm taking my sweet ass time with Telepath's massive discography of legendary vaporwave & slushwave music, but coming back to this one in particular was a shockingly pleasant surprise. I've always seen this as one of his most meditative albums, but I didn't recall it having actual music much on my first listen. So coming back to this, I can't believe I walked away with so many highlights. This thing is gorgeous; it gives you a ton of memorable short-term melodies and some beautiful deep cuts that run much longer and justifiably so. This might go down as one of my favourite Telepath albums, to be honest, but I still just can't wait to get the rest of his big heavy-hitters out of the way like this one.

7.8 / 10

Highlights: 空に光、いつも、二、アトラクション、不思議、蒸気涙

Gupi – None (2020)

So after work was a non-starter due to the weather, I headed right back home after lunch and rolled upon this record that I had heard all the way back when it came out. Many were hooked onto this, not just because of what this producer was making, but also because of who he even was. Goes to show you the true, unbridled power of nepotism. Speaking of non-starters, the opening title track was a deeply unpleasant first impression to me, but I was pleasantly surprised (again) that the rest of the record picked right up from there and remained consistently decent throughout, even great in spots towards the end. Bubblegum bass (and subsequently hyperpop) were running completely wild during the days of 100 gecs, so it was only natural for this young talent to bust through with this debut and have me have a decent time with it as well. I just don't look forward to revisiting his duo project with Fraxiom, that one was rough when I heard it, even if his track here was good too. I also really liked the refrain on False Awakening as well.

6.5 / 10

Highlights: Driving Directly Into a Concrete Wall, Regression, Faking It, False Awakening

N.W.A – Straight Outta Compton (1988)

For my 1,312th rating on my second RateYourMusic account, I thought I'd finally tune into one of the most respected and critically acclaimed rap albums of all time, not to mention among the most controversial records of the 80s and good for it too. The first two cuts off this album are iconic, though I've always been more of a Fuck tha Police type of person myself, and after that, Parental Discretion iz Advised and Express Yourself are great listens too. God, this drops off hard though. The last four tracks of the main album were a slog, from their Compton's n the House remix to the closer Quiet on tha Set. Every beat was far too scant & repetitive for my liking, especially at the runtimes they were given and tracks like I Ain't tha 1 especially had some lyrical clunkers that read as childish. Still, this was a fine time with some prime cuts, but just way more underwhelming by the end of it.

6.4 / 10

Highlights: Straight Outta Compton, Fuck tha Police, If it Ain't Ruff, Parental Discretion iz Advised, Express Yourself

Arctic Monkeys – Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (2006)

I remember some time last year when I was trying to pull myself out of the rut of music listening burnout, I tuned in to a pair of Arctic Monkeys records with a friend/carer of mine. This excessively long-titled album was one of the two, the other being the excessively short-titled AM. I ended up preferring and even loving AM by comparison, but that doesn't (nor should it) undermine this debut album's accomplishments, especially as it's still very good to this day and has some exceptional highlights coming out of it. I thought to return to it just to have a simple good fuck rock time and I got exactly that. God bless the Arctic Monkeys for giving me exactly what I expected.

7.1 / 10

Highlights: The View From the Afternoon, I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor, Fake Tales of San Francisco, Perhaps Vampires is a Bit Strong But…, A Certain Romance

Rollergirl! – I Love You, Rollergirl! (2014)

Keats Collective as a label was the birthplace of future funk as a genre, thanks to acts like Saint Pepsi, Macross 82-99, Flamingosis, Lancaster and yes, Rollergirl getting a spotlight all over their formative years. This is currently the last EP Rollergirl has put out after their popular Self-Titled got buzz in the scene, but I'm certainly not as thrilled about this one. Compared to that previous EP, this record lacks a lot of the energy and tempo that I would've hoped to carry over. It felt a lot more homogenised and sterile by comparison, but I still really appreciated bits and pieces, like the opener, the closer (especially) and the part in I Love You by the end where the sample was chopped to sing out the album title. It's good and if you're curious, I wouldn't stray away from it. Like with rollerskates.

7.0 / 10

Highlights: Boogie Down, I Love You, Last Night

Yes – Close to the Edge (1972)

I've been meaning to revisit this record for the longest time now and I finally put my foot down to retry it. I really loved this record when I first heard it, but I can't say that I adore it as much as I appreciate it now still. It remains a wonderfully crafted record, but I've never been able to fawn over the title track and its segments until the last one. It's the B-side of this record that almost completely sold me and while it didn't win me all the way over in the end, I was still very happy with what I heard. If you wanna get into progressive rock, this is still one of the greatest places to start.

7.4 / 10

Highlights: And You and I, Siberian Khatru

INTERNET CLUB – DELUXE (2011)

Finally, to conclude the night, I wanted to listen to something very obsure, almost dark while eerie, ominous and mysteriously short. Who better to turn to for that than the one who made ▣世界から解放され▣？This super short, almost 15-minute offering was the first of a strange trilogy of pioneering broken transmission mini-albums and while I strongly admired ▣世界から解放され▣ for what it contributed to the scene, I ended up falling out of that same appreciation for the finale NHK REMINDS YOU TO BOOST YOUR SIGNAL. Returning to this album though was a complete shock to me; despite the rough start, when it got to the title track, I was in complete love with the looping sample and as the rest of the record went on, Robin displays hit after hit with chopped up vaporwave tunes and mystifying glitches. It ended up being my favourite of the three by a very good margin! Obviously, I don't expect this one to click with everybody, but if this intrigues you and you've already dipped your toes into the broken transmission or signalwave subgenres, I don't see why you wouldn't enjoy this one! Except NO MORE MONO, that one was uncomfortable.

7.9 / 10

Highlights: NIGHT DRIVE, DELUXE, ONLY IN DREAMS, SHARPER DUB, HEARTS (NIGHT DRIVE, PART TWO)

So that was a lot that I listened to today, but I had a ton of fun with it! Let me know what you thought of any of these albums and what I should try in the near future! Thank you so much for reading and stay gay!

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[consul-valerius]

It was time Donna got an updated bio/backstory! Most of this is relatively the same, but the more I’ve developed Damien, the more I've developed their family history! Undercut is their childhood history but this is also general info of how they are/behave in-game :3 For a more detailed timeline of their life pre-game, see this OG post here as the info is the same!  MAJOR trigger warnings for mentions of: attempted infanticide, childhood trauma/abuse, and mentions of anxiety/depression. If any of the names have changed from previous posts shhhh I have bad memory and lose my posts often LMAO

For someone who enchanted their hair to change with their emotions, they are not exactly the most forthcoming when it comes to their true feelings. Donna strives to always appear “put together” and carefree, but they are a very deeply anxious, insecure, and paranoid person. Their gaps in memory severely impact their confidence, and they are very paranoid of setting off migraines. Despite that, though, Donna always tries to come off as relaxed and in control. They’re almost to a fault extremely understanding and open, and many gravitate towards them to let off steam. Many of their card readings turn into mini “therapy” sessions, and they’re more than happy to be that for their customers. They are truly a mixture of the “mom friend” and “friendly neighborhood stoner” heh

While they are inherently introverted, they are very interested in having multiple partners and exploring their sexuality, and while Asra is away, they’re a frequent patron at the Raven to scope out some one-night stands. They notoriously are awful at gauging people’s feelings towards them, though, which causes plenty of conflict (whether they know this or not). 

When finally approached by the Countess of Vesuvia, Donna can’t say anything but yes: they see helping her as a means of truly showing to everyone, especially Asra, that they are a capable person, and most importantly, they cannot help but feel they are somehow connected to it all... 

Family History and Birth

Donna’s story does not have a very happy beginning at all. Donna’s father, Richard Gatti, comes from a long line of magicians who specialized in blood and dark magic. At some point in his lineage, his grandfathers began contact with The Devil Arcana, resulting in each generation trying to one-up the other essentially in their displays of devotion and deals. Many wound up completely turning as a result. Richard felt that a true display of submission would be to give up one of his own children to the Arcana to show his loyalty. His family, surprisingly, disagreed with some of his ideas, and he broke off from them entirely to pursue a suitable partner, all under the impression that he was being guided by The Devil himself. 

Insert Marisol Ortega, Donna’s mom. Another magician, Marisol was a shy and reserved woman who constantly felt outshone by her younger sister, Dominique. While her and Dominique were close, there was a level of resentment there too. When Marisol and Richard met, it was an instant infatuation. Richard really utilized Marisol’s need for company to his advantage and isolated Marisol from the rest of her family by moving often. Somewhere along the line, he was able to convince Marisol to help him fulfil his plans with the promise that by giving up her first-born, she would have an entire family of some of the most powerful magicians imaginable. It was at this time, as well, that she also was convinced she was being visited by The Devil, thus solidifying for her that what they were doing was right. 

What neither were expecting was that Dominique would find out about Marisol’s pregnancy. While she wasn’t completely in the loop, and she had an inn to run on her own, Dom made sure to keep on the perimeter of things, weary of what Richard and his intentions were. Her relationship with Marisol was also nearly non-existent, but Dom stayed close either way for the sake of the baby. 

By the time they had Donna, Richard wanted to wait to make sure that they were, by all accounts, a healthy baby, one with the potential for power. They limited how much contact they had with Donna at this time, but on the outside, things seemed somewhat normal. Dominique, though, sensed that something was not right and by chance managed to stop them right before they could complete the sacrifice. With nothing else to do, Dom ran with Donna in tow, severing all ties with Marisol completely to protect them. It was Dominique that initially named Donna, but Donna eventually changed their name as a teen. 

Childhood and Adolescents

While Dominique was a much better maternal figure for Donna, she was also very young and never wanted children to begin with. In other words, she was very ill prepared to raise a child, especially on her own. Growing up, Donna couldn’t help but think they were somewhat of a burden and did their best not to be underfoot and useful to Dom. From a very early age, they were always paranoid and anxious that their parents would somehow come back, or worse, that The Devil would come for them himself. These feelings never leave, and even when they lose their memory, they are still paranoid of something coming for them. 

As they grew up, they helped Dom run the inn and got very well acquainted with its regular patrons. Many of them also became parental figures for them (and in many ways, they were like that for Dom herself); one in particular, a professor, helped to teach Donna to read and write. While the professor was away, Donna would spend most of their free time teaching themself so that they could show off all the new words they had learned. Others taught them how to properly defend themself without magic, making them a bit more scrappy as a teen. 

However, not everyone at the inn was kind to Donna, particularly Dom’s romantic partners. Many felt Donna got in the way of things and were a moocher (despite being.... a literal child), and so they took out much of their frustrations on Donna both verbally and physically. This did nothing to help with their anxiety, and in general really messed up their confidence. While Dom always tried sticking up for them or throwing out outright abusive partners, she herself was not yet fully mature enough to really steer clear of these relationships. 

To keep themself motivated, Donna turned to magic. Dom herself was also a skilled green witch, and she taught Donna most of the fundamentals. While Donna was initially terrified of magic due to her parents, Dom showed them that it could be beautiful and helpful. Donna’s first real spell they did on their own was enchanting their hair to respond to their moods— Dom would complain often about “not knowing what Donna was thinking”, and they felt that this would better convey when they were happy or sad.

Sadly, not much changed for the better in Donna’s life. Feeling unsafe and knowing that their maternal family had an abandoned shop in Vesuvia (Dom never liked Vesuvia and never re-opened the shop), Donna ran away at the age of 17. Guilty and ashamed that they felt the need to even do this, they stopped communicating with Dom entirely, convinced she would want nothing to do with them anyway. 

The Shop

It took A LOT of time, but Donna became very competent at running the shop on their own, mainly because of all the experience they had at the inn. Just like in-game, Donna and Asra meet at the masquerade and instantly fall for each other (well, for Donna it’s platonic, but they feel Asra is their soulmate in many ways). They really grow into their own even more once they start living together; their confidence and happiness is no longer a mask but sincere. They flourish more and more, making it the perfect time to meet a certain consul...    

[laurieteddy]

good company | amy march 

description: where amy shares her true feelings and 

request: “Could you write a Amy March x fem reader ? Maybe something like reader is a model for Amy’s painting classes and Amy falls in love while painting her and so she pursues the reader?” 

warnings: light angst in one part, and mentions of homophobia bc of the time period

word count: ~3,650

a/n: so, so, so sorry this tool me so long!! requests just always seem to... i hope you like it! also, the painting classes part was sort of small, sorry!!

---

This wasn’t what Amy had expected when she thought of what would happen in her art classes. Of course she knew she would be painting live models, that much was obvious, but she hadn’t even imagined that she would fall for any of them. The models were there to do their job, and the artists were there to paint them. It was as simple as that, or was supposed to be. 

When you came in, though, it changed things.

It wasn’t as if it was like “love at first sight” which a younger version of Amy would’ve believed in more. Though, as time passed she seemed to only admire you more and more. You held yourself so delicately yet seemed so carefree when talking to others before a session began. She had observed you closely from the first day she met you, which could be shrugged off in the beginning because you were the subject she was painting, of course she was observing you. 

Amy shook it off as long as she could, it was completely new to her. Sure, she had feelings for Laurie at a younger age, a lot of people tend to have a crush at some point in their lives. But you were a woman, this changed everything. She told herself she was infatuated because you were the model, you were of her interest because you were the subject she had to focus on. But it felt like more than that. It felt, to her, similar to the feelings she had toward Laurie those few years ago.

The two of you had spoken quite a few times, before and after classes and sometimes during breaks if there were any. You had noticed her gaze always seemed to be following you, which you would tease her about on occasion. Amy always seemed to have a smile accompanied with a blush when she talked to you, she couldn’t help it. In times where you might poke fun at her you would earn a deeper shade of red from her cheeks.

She was glad to be able to talk to you. You reminded her of home in ways, being so carefree but at the same time you were careful to pay mind to your surroundings. You would both tell each other stories of your homes and families, your hopes and dreams even if they were silly, you would talk about anything just to have a conversation. Conversations you shared never seemed to be dry, even if you were only talking about the weather, because it was just nice to be talking to each other.

You were glad to have met Amy, finding yourself naturally drawn to her. It became a nearly daily routine to spend at least an hour of your time with one another, finding company outside of classes too now. You were more familiar with the area and so Amy took advantage of this to have you show her around. On top of that, while she fit in with most crowds just fine, she preferred your company over most other’s there, especially Aunt March.

“How’ve you never had a pickled lime?!” Amy laughed as she looked at you with furrowed brows.

“I’m not sure,” you shrugged. “I guess they just aren’t as popular where I’m from.”

“They should be,” she grinned. “You know, I actually got in trouble at school for having them. That was my last day of school there, it was a dreadful place from the start.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, it didn’t sound in character for Amy to get into trouble for something so foolish. Then again, you didn’t know her at that age. Her aunt certainly seemed to think she had drastically changed though. And if you looked close you could see a more “rebellious” side of Amy. For the most part she tried her best to be proper, still allowing herself to relax though but doing so less and less it seemed.

“Why would you even get in trouble for simply having them with you?” You connected your arm with her’s as you walked through a garden. 

“Well, we would trade them and the teacher decided to put an end to it, it did nothing though. I was in debt so my sister gave me money and I was able to buy enough to repay people.” She sheepishly said, “I brought a whole bundle to school but I was too obvious with them.”

“You’re trying to tell me that you, Amy March, actually broke rules and got into trouble at school?”

“I’m not trying, I am telling you,” she laughed. “It wasn’t worth the cost though. I wouldn’t do it again.”

“Ah, there we go. That sounds more like you,” you grinned and leaned against her arm.

She smiled, shaking her head at your response. Then she realized, she had grown quite a bit in what seemed like no time at all. Or, at least, she had matured plenty. It was weird to actually consider how much had changed. It made her wonder, had you changed from childhood or were you always so outspoken?

“What about you?” She glanced over, “Tell me a story from your childhood?”

You paused to think, deciding on what story you should tell her. When you thought about it most of the stories seemed to be about the same. While Amy seemed to be more outgoing in school and through childhood, you seemed more reserved. Now, though, your personalities seemed to, in small ways, flip and become the opposite of what they were.

“I didn’t talk to many kids at school,” you began, “I had one close friend, who I haven’t talked to since then. I didn’t have the same interests as the other students seemed to have, didn’t hurt me any though.”

“Well, you do seem to have found a fairly large and worthy friend group now.” Amy locked arms with you.

“I wouldn’t say large, but I thoroughly enjoy their company. I’ve found more people to relate to in my adulthood than I ever did through school.” You raised your brows, “Now, that isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy at least parts of my childhood.”

“Oh?” She questioned, “Would you share more, then?”

You smiled at her, nodding gently before telling her about another bit of your childhood. Amy listened closely, nodding every once and awhile to assure you that you had her attention. You didn’t talk about your past much, and she was always curious to learn more about you.

For hours you walked together, eventually stopping to sit on a bench by a pond. Amy was still asking you questions about yourself and would occasionally share some stories of her own. While you had been doing this for days now, talking hours on end with one another, neither of you were growing tired of it. If anything, you both couldn’t wait for the next time you would get to chat. 

Recently you were finding yourselves at a lack of time spent together. Amy was talking to a man, one that was sure to propose to her soon. He could offer her money, a well enough life, just material things that Amy recalled dreaming of having when she was younger. But, she didn’t find herself too interested in him. While he was easy enough to get along with, it wasn’t exactly all she was looking for in a relationship. Then again, that wasn’t really the point of marrying him, as Aunt March would remind her.

“Won’t we talk tomorrow?” You asked, already knowing her answer.

“You know I’ll do everything I can to make the time.” She smiled sadly, “I have plans with Mr. Vaughn tomorrow.”

You could feel your heart clenching, a pain you were growing used to. Fred Vaughn, of course. Never would you dare to say anything against him, he wasn’t a bad man and you knew Amy was only doing what she must. Still, it would be a lie to say it didn’t sting a bit when she had to leave you for him. Maybe the fact that he was a good man only made it worse too. There was no real reason to have anything against, that’s what all of your friends had said.

“Don’t worry yourself too much over it,” you smiled, “we always find the time eventually. Mr. Vaughn makes good company as well, I think you’ll find yourself losing track of time with him.”

“Hmm, I disagree.” She continued walking slowly, “While Fred is good company, my mind doesn’t seem to stay focused on him even if it’s only the two of us. He is a very nice man, but…”

Amy wasn’t really sure what she was about to say. It was all true, she did find Fred to be a kind man and good company, but there was still something that Amy didn’t quite mind about having to spend time with him. She figured at first it was just the idea of actually becoming a married woman, losing all that was hers really. And, yes, that was still a part of it but there was more that she couldn’t place. Or, well… she didn’t want to think about it.

“What is it?” You reached for her hand, gently pulling her to a stop.

She didn’t turn to face you, she wasn’t sure that she could. There were too many thoughts to gather, too many words to say. Where to begin? And where would it end? 

“Sometimes I just wonder if I actually like Fred or if I just like the convenience of him,” she admitted. “Like I said, he is a very nice man but I don’t know that I can see him in the way Aunt March wants me to.”

“What do you mean?” You already knew, and you knew there would come a time when this would happen, when you might lose her.

“We’re expecting him to propose.” She looked at you, “And Aunt March expects me to say yes.”

You tilted your head, “Will you?”

Amy gently pulled her hand from your grip, looking to the ground. She didn’t know her answer to that. She didn’t want to say yes, not really. It was giving her life away, but at the same time it was a promise of a, at the very least, decent marriage. Fred made good company, but he wasn’t who Amy pictured spending her life with.

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Your tone was a bit sour, you were hurt by the idea that she may say yes.

“I just don’t know.” She took a deep breath, “I don’t know that marrying him is what I want to do but I need it’s… It is just what I need to do.”

“What you ‘need’ to do?” you scoffed. “Amy, if you don’t want to be with him then it isn’t what you ‘need’ to do.”

“It is though. For my family, for my future. And if I ever wish to have children it would be good support for them.” She took a step away from you, looking over the horizon. “I may not think it wise to marry him today but I can’t think about just today, y/n.”

You weren’t sure why there was this anger growing in you, if it even was anger. You supposed it was because, as you had thought before, you didn’t want to lose her. Marrying Fred Vaughn would mean she would have to go. She would lose everything that made her life her own, now and in her future. To you, it didn’t seem worth the cost. Amy seemed so happy where she was. 

“Life isn’t just about money, Amy. It’s about happiness, what brings you joy. And a life with Fred Vaughn? What else can he offer but money?” You moved in front of her, a pleading look in your eyes.

“Stability. Help for Beth. A promise that I have at least some sort of good future.” 

“You keep saying that, “good future”. What do you mean by that? What is a good future to you?” Part of you knew you were likely overstepping but you were so frustrated, and you truly didn’t want Amy doing something she didn’t want to do.

“I mean,” she paused to think for a moment. “I’m not doing this. I’m not having this conversation with you, why do you even care so much?” 

Another stinging went through you. How could she ask that? Wasn’t it clear how much she meant to you?

“I don’t know,” you snapped.

Amy was taken aback, that wasn’t what she thought you’d say. She was expecting a list of reasons, a speech about how marrying Vaughn was the wrong choice. She thought you’d be ready to fight back. It wasn’t that she wanted to fight, she wasn’t even sure how it built up to where it was. You were both just becoming more and more defensive. 

You both stood in silence for a few moments, taking in all of your new thoughts and uprising feelings. You knew it wasn’t so simple for her to just decide not to marry Vaughn. Amy had a lot to consider on the matter, too much for your or her liking. There was just this piece of you that wanted to be selfish though, to hold Amy close by your side and keep her for yourself. But you… you had nothing of “value” to your name. No money, no land, no name to pass along. No name to pass along. That was, you couldn’t marry. It was an entirely different topic on its own.

Two women marrying? It wasn’t something people would even talk of, let alone something that could happen in the time. Even being together, in any form, was frowned on by most. 

This was likely, whether she realized it or not, Amy was pushing back the idea of having even the slightest feelings for you. Her family wouldn’t care, at least her sisters and parents wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure what Aunt March would think, though she didn’t know what that mattered to her either. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about what all of those around her would think, it was an overwhelming thing for her. Amy saw herself as a people pleaser, though when she was younger it may have not always seemed that way. 

Nothing about it was easy. 

“I don’t have the luxury of being so carefree,” she began. “I know, too, that it isn’t always a luxury for you. I recognize your past was complicated but…” she took a breath in, “that doesn’t make mine any less so either.”

“I know,” you whispered, “I’m sorry. I hadn’t meant to attack you like that.”

She nodded meekly, unsure of where to go from here. Now was the perfect opportunity to talk through everything running wild in her head, she wondered if you could offer some answers. Was it worth the risk of her potentially becoming so vulnerable? She would find out.

“Do you remember the first day you came in to model for my class?” Amy smiled at the memory, and out of relief for a change in subject.

“Of course,” you chuckled awkwardly. “You seemed so nervous, more than many of the others.”

Her cheeks tinted red. As she ducked to hide it she let out a soft titter, “I was. The class was so intimidating in the start on its own, and then you walked in.”

You frowned a bit, worried the story might turn negative given your previous conversation. Amy noticed, being quick to reassure you with a gentle smile and her hand landing on your own. 

“You walked in, laughing, letting your scarf flow behind you. Your overcoat was the complete opposite from your outfit, I remember scolding a few people for being quick to judge you on such a trivial thing. Your hair was wild, like now,” she smiled as she brushed a tuft of your hair behind your ear. 

You were blushing now. “So we’re talking about how messy I appear?” you joked.

Her brows furrowed, “Not at all. I mean all of that to say… I couldn’t believe how effortlessly beautiful you were when you walked in.”

Both of you could feel your hearts pattering against your chests. For you, you thought you might be over analyzing again, if you ever had in the start that was. For Amy, she was shocked she actually worked herself up to say that. While it was simple enough, and no doubt something one could say to a friend, it was coming out in this brand new context. 

“When you came up to me after class, and you complimented my work.” She laughed, “I was at a complete loss for words. I remember being so nervous when you came up to me, I didn’t know what to say but you were so sweet. You asked me some questions, and I did my best to answer while trying to hide how… hypnotized I was. I kept thinking to myself that you would notice, that I would scare you away when you did.”

You weren’t sure what to say, you still couldn’t quite tell where the conversation was going, you were avoiding saying something you may later wish you kept private. There was also still this fear that you could be interpreting it wrong, though as she went on it seemed less and less likely that that was the case.

“I don’t want to marry Fred Vaughn,” Amy frowned and faced away. 

Her fingers were lightly tracing circles over the back of your hand, something she often found herself doing to her own hands when nervous. She didn’t exactly expect any response from you, but the silence was eating away at her as each second passed without you speaking up. Where to begin?

“So don’t.” You held her hand still between both of yours. 

It wasn’t so hostile this time, you were calm. Your tone sounded to be more suggesting rather than demanding. Amy was more willing to hear, both of you were. 

“Fred is a lovely man, perfect company… but if that isn’t who you want to marry, don’t.” You released her hand, “Status fails to matter when you find yourself at a lack of joy.”

“I’ve heard that a few times from my mother.” You often reminded Amy of home. “Meg too, and it seems to have proven itself to be true in her case. They haven’t much, but they do seem so happy with each other.”

What Amy was trying to say was so much more than what she was getting out. She hoped you might expand, understanding you were likely nervous too. A few more moments of silence seemed to last for hours, though it was more like a minute. Talking about it was hard, not as hard as she had initially believed but it was still difficult. 

“What if-- just, what if I don’t want to marry Fred because...because I don’t want to lose you?” Maybe it would be easier to be more straightforward. 

“Lose me? Amy, you could never,” you moved closer to her.

“No, I know. I know that we will always have our friendship, our memories and so on. But, what if I’m afraid of losing all of it? Our long walks, never ending talks. What if you understand me better than anyone… and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose the feeling of holding you close,” her fingers intertwined with yours. “I don’t want the butterflies in my stomach when you greet me again to leave me. I don’t want to give up our spontaneous picnics or races. I want to hold it all close to me, I want to keep you close to my heart.”

“Amy,” you couldn’t help but smile, “I mean, what about everything you had said earlier?”

“Those words were spoken out of fear, y/n. I… I’ve been afraid to say any of this to you. I thought you might run the other way, and I was terrified of what would be said had anyone found out but… I don’t care. Someone will always have something to say about me, right?”

You were thrilled to hear all of this, but at the same time there was a bit of conflict. Amy didn’t tend to be so spontaneous, you wanted to be sure she meant everything she was saying before letting yourself react too much. It didn’t feel real, how could it? 

She talked about the day you met so lovingly, and she seemed so smitten when describing you that day. It was almost like sitting back, listening as she talked about someone you had never met. It just seemed like true admiration so it was hard for you to imagine she was talking about you, not some stranger. 

“I’ve wanted to say something similar to you for some time,” you finally admitted. “I thought it was a lost hope, seeing how we all thought you’d be marrying Vaughn.”

“Ugh, enough about Vaughn, don’t you think?” She groaned, rolling her eyes dramatically with a grin on her lips.

“Absolutely,” you smiled and joked, “who knew I’d be stealing you away from him.”

“I did, the day I met you.” 

You laughed as you both continued your walk. It was getting late, neither of you had minded. You spent hours more talking, about things you had been burying for too long and about how things would be changing. It was getting easier to talk about, and you’d catch yourselves tossing in random jokes from time to time to keep the atmosphere cool. 

Aunt March wouldn’t be happy to hear the news, Amy didn’t care any longer though. Really, it was the last thing on her mind then. She was happy to just be walking with you.

[itsonlystrange]

First off, I am not sending hate to any Mileven shipper. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I will only be providing actual facts and evidence, and hopefully will be staying relatively unbiased. As always, this is a PRO-BYLER account. If you do not ship Byler you do not have to read all the way through :).

This will be a 2 part series. The first part will address MILEVEN and how they will not be endgame. The second part will address the likely hood of BYLER being endgame.

So, I’ve been sucked into the Mileven side of Instagram after liking ONE Mileven edit, which is besides the point. Recently I’ve noticed a lot of people say that “They were love at first sight!” Or that “Why would they break up now if they’ve had 3 seasons of development?!” So I’m going to go ahead and supply you all with:

MILEVEN VS BYLER.

PART ONE (MILEVEN)

To start off with the first statement, “They were love at first sight!”

May I remind you how utterly mortified Mike was when he found Eleven. As any 12 year old boy would be. He did not give her any form of “heart eyes”. He looked genuinely scared. He took her home as a courtesy, not because he was “madly in love with her!”. Obviously not everyone would take home a random 12 year old bald girl, but El being taken to the Wheelers was not meant to be seen as a romantic gesture, it was literally just a plot device for the Kids to figure out she had powers.

May I also remind you that Mike wanted to get rid of her. He stated multiple times that she was just a weapon, and a device to find Will. He only let her stay BECAUSE she knew who Will was. He was fully ready to let her go, and send her back to wherever she came from. In the end of it all, he only cared about Will and finding Will. El was simply used as a device to find him. Obviously, now, I do think Mike cares about El. But not in a romantic way, more so a “cute puppy way”. I think he loves her, but that he’s not IN LOVE with her, romantically.

The show has shown constantly how horribly they work together. El’s most confident and prideful moments were when she was AWAY from Mike. Mike’s most loyal and selfless moments was when he was AWAY from El. They do not compliment eachother like that.

Second of all, they have nothing in common. In season one when Mike was explaining his figurines to El, she looked genuinely disinterested. Now some may say that this could be because she didn’t quite understand what she liked back then, which just further proves that she shouldn’t be in a relationship! If she can’t decide if she likes a dinosaur toy or not, how is she supposed to decide if she likes Mike! And we also know that she did have the ability to differentiate between things she liked as she seemed genuinely interested in Nancy’s clothes and photos. The only thing they have in common is shared trauma! Notice how all the other couples share something:

JANCY: love for writing and adventuring

LUMAX: both are comical and enjoy the cinema and the outdoors

DUZIE: science

Along with most of the other couples. But what does Mileven have In common? Can anyone please name ONE good memory between the two when they weren’t in danger. All the “good memories” they have are from when the world was ending.

If you said “Oh, but they make out a lot!” That’s not a ‘good memory’, hell, that’s hardly memorable at at all. Hoppper, Will, and Lucas even admit that for those 6 months in between season 2 and season 3, all they did was make out. That is not love, that is infatuation. Infatuation is a strong desire for someone, mainly romantic, that focuses on the physical aspects of their relationship rather than the emotional. Love is a deep rooted feeling. You do not need to make out all the time to be in love. Love is emotional, of course it can be physical, but you need that strong feeling before any physical aspect of love can be genuine.

Mileven have nothing in common. It’s very clear that Mike is still into D&D and is a nerd. Especially as he might be in the Hellfire Club next season (a D&D club) and also because we’ve seen that D&D is going to be a big aspect of season 4, meaning he’ll most likely be infatuated with it again. It’s obvious that El needs to figure herself out first. She needs to develop into her own human being. She’s still learning. She’s into poppy colors and magazines and makeup (which is great!), but even on a more basic level, they still share nothing in common. Mike is a nerd, we have established that. And notice how in s3 (when he was with El) he felt the least like himself. He acted so out of character. He didn’t use weird Star Wars analogies or gush about the new movie coming out like previous seasons. Now of course one could say that he’s growing up, but we see that he is genuinely still a nerd as when he’s in time of crisis he goes back to those analogies. He goes back to gushing about the new toys he’s getting at Christmas, he goes back to being a nerd. It’s almost as if he’s wearing this mask, and at the end of s3 he forgets to put it on. And then El kisses him, and he realizes that he didn’t enjoy that. So we know for a fact that he is very much still into D&D and those other shenanigans atleast to an extent, considering how happy he was to hear that Will wasnt giving up the party or D&D. Shouldn’t Mike be with someone who is atleast a little similar to him? Regardless of his sexuality, shouldn’t he be with someone that allows him to be his true self? He was incredibly Cocky and arrogant in season 3, almost like he had to be a “man” for El, and in his mind, being a ‘man’ was giving up all of the things he loved, and only kissing El, almost as if she was an object he had to obtain more than an actual human. Which Max agrees with! He treats her more so of a mask he has to wear to cover his true self. Shouldn’t el be with someone who likes the same thing she does? But then again, what does el like?! Exactly! She needs to figure out who she is before she dates anyone. She didn’t even know what shirt she would like to wear!

Now I just find this silly. Development? Really? Okay let me show you their “development”

SEASON ONE: El could only speak 4 or 5 words. They had essentially zero romantic interactions besides the kiss at the end. If El and Mike never kissed (excluding the time they almost kissed in the bathroom), people would most likely only see them as a friendship. Let’s flip the tables a bit. If El was a boy and Mike and El never kissed, this would further prove that they don’t have any romantic tension. Lucas says it the best: “You only like her because she’s the only girl who isn’t grossed out by you!” Which I agree with completely. It’s more of an infatuation. Mike is infatuated with the idea of finally having a girlfriend. Because he knows something is wrong inside him and wants to ‘fix it’ by dating a girl, as if suddenly his sexuality identity issues would disappear. El doesn’t know anything about Mike, and to El, Mike is a hero. To El, Mike is fearless warrior. And Mike knows that isn’t true. But with el, it gave him the chance to start fresh. It gave him the chance to start and become a different person. He puts on his persona of being “strong” and being able to stand up for himself, yet in the end, it’s El who does the saving. The reason he ‘likes’ El so much is because she isn’t disgusted by him. But mike is afraid that if he shows his true self, El wouldn’t like him anymore, and he’d lose that mask. And without a girl to cling to, he’d finally have to confront his sexuality. Which is why we never see Mike being his true self around El. In every single season, he is this false person. He’s wearing a facade, to keep up with these lies. Because he fears that If El knew how nerdy he really was, she’d be uninterested, and he ‘can’t lose her’ because he knows that El is most likely the only girl who will never be grossed out by him. Because all the other girls in this town know who he is. That nerdy guy from the AV club. And he needs a girlfriend. He feels safe that way. Because if he doesn’t have a distraction from his sexuality then he might take an extra step on accident and accidently act on those feelings

Ep 1: making out

Ep2: breaking up

Ep 3-6: fighting

Ep 7: neutral

Ep 8 ½ : neutral

Very end of ep 8: together?

How is that romantic? So from what we know, Mileven got a kiss in season 1, a kiss in season 2, 2 make out sessions, and then they fought. HOW IS THAT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP?

90% of their relationship throughout all 3 seasons has been kissing and fighting. That’s literally it. Not once have we seen them just hanging out and talking. Not once have we seen them go on dates. And as Hopper, Lucas, and Will put: that’s all they do! The Duffer’s purposefully put that line in to show that, it’s really all they did for those 6 months. There was no emotion to that. Just kissing. That’s it. Kissing and fighting is all Mileven has been. And honestly they would have been pretty cute in season 3 if the Duffer’s hadn’t messed it up. But the duffers aren’t stupid! They did this on purpose! Because they wanted us to disagree with Mileven. They wanted us to find it obnoxious. Because they know that they don’t have chemistry! Finn and Millie are brilliant actors and could have definitely pulled that off, meaning the Duffers had to have specifically said to “not act in love”. Mileven is a summer fling, Finn said so himself. They are their true selves when they are apart, and when they are together romantically, they stunt each other’s growth. They’re way better as bestfriends. El needs to figure herself out before she can date anyone.

Thank you for reading part one! Part two will be up soon, and will follow why I believe Byler will be end game!

Heavy inspiration from @kaypeace21 & @hawkinsschoolcounselor

[tatyana-dreaming]

Eugene Onegin: Finale Analysis

*apologies in advance for a LONG POST! any TYPOS! and also that the Russian has been latinized (is that what we say?)*

I have often read opinions and observations about the finale of Eugene Onegin along the lines of “there’s no new theme;” it’s “not as intense as the Letter scene;” it’s “anticlimactic...” etc. (those last two comments are found in Eugene Onegin: The Opera Lively Guide by Luiz Gazzola).

Clearly, these are just opinions and I’m not here to disprove anything... but I am here to retaliate with a whole lot of love for this particular 14 minutes of music so buckle up :) I’m going to try to mainly be objective here and just offer my observations/analysis. Maybe you’ll find some newfound appreciation along the way...and please pitch in if you have your own comments or have noticed things I haven’t necessarily picked up on!

Before we start, you may want to pull a recording of the finale (this one is my favorite of course), and potentially your favorite CD/recording of Eugene Onegin, if you want to listen along and compare. If I had more time and skills I would have done this for you in a video or added trimmed audio bits throughout this post but alas. Maybe one day! For now, enjoy these screencaps from the 2007 Carsen production at the Met with Fleming and Hvorostovsky.

1. Gazzola points this out in his book - and thank goodness, because I’m not sure I would have made the connection myself. The final scene opens with a motif that is more or less a repetition of Gremin’s theme (in rhythm, at the very least), “Lyubvi Vsye Rozrasti Pokorni/Love conquers all ages,’” foreshadowing Tatyana’s decision/steadfastness to the mature, stable love or contement, or whatever we want to call this - we can have an analysis of ‘love’ in Eugene Onegin in another post! Already I’m thinking back to the opening of the opera when Larina and Filipyevna sing in unison “Privichka svishe name dana, zamyena shchastiyu ona / Habit is sent us from above in place of happiness.” Tatyana’s mother used to read and dream like Tayana herself and was even in love, but eventually had to marry someone else and “became resigned and settled down.”

And as @lizlensky​ recently reminded me, of course Filipyevna did not get to marry for love either, not that Tatyana was really listening to her story. In fact, maybe I’m looking far into deeply, but it seems to me the strings underneath this “Gremin motif” at the opening of the finale and also when Tatyana eventually sings to that tune “Onegin, ya togda molozhe/Onegin, I was younger then”  are also mimicking the strings underneath Filipyevna when she sings the morning after the Letter Scene, explaining how her mind is getting older and reflecting upon her youth (I’m generalizing a bit - Tatyana certainly isn’t complaining about having an old brain but she is thinking of the past). Make of that what you will! But it gave me chills.

2. Oh no, I’m already getting ahead of myself though. Before Onegin even comes on the scene, we also hear what some call the “Fate motif” but what I prefer to call the “Dream motif” (if it is fate, why does it follow Tatyana all over dreamy Act I but disappears except for this tiny reminiscence? But of course, up for discussion as it’s the prelude/introduction to the opera, and it comes back when Yevgeni does, haunting her like a ghost, which I suppose is fate-y). Here it is again when Tatyana sings “Kak budto snova dyevochkoi ya stala/It’s as if I’m a young girl again” - which is then followed by what I might personally call the fate theme, since it foreshadows the anguish Tatyana will face when she is rejected in Act I, and before she rejects Onegin in Act III.

This is where I wish I had an audio clip but I think you know what I mean; it’s the really dramatic climax that comes right when Tatyana enters the stage in Scene 3 of Act III (before “Zdyez on, zdyes on, Yevgeni!”) and right before Onegin comes onstage in Act III, Scene 2. Or ha, maybe this is just “Onegin’s Arrival Theme” since there’s a similar kind of orchestral panic before he arrives in Act I (though of course, not in Scene 1 of Act III since it is Tatyana who enters rather than Onegin who was in the room already, at least in the productions I’ve seen.)

3. Okay, so now Onegin’s here, what does he have to say for himself? We hear a bit of the Onegin aria theme -  “Mechtam i godom nyet vazvrata, nye obnovlyu dushi moyei/Dreams and years cannot return, I cannot renew my soul!” as he (in some versions) falls to Tatyana’s feet, exclaiming “O, szhaltes, szhaltes nado mnoyu!/ Have mercy on me!”  Clearly has some srs regerts. But also perhaps Tchaikovsky foreshadowing what is to come... not only that we shouldn’t expect Tatyana to act with any less honor (or prudence/reason) towards Onegin as he did towards her in Act I, and that indeed she sings “proshlogo nye vorotit/you cannot bring back the past.”  I know I’m grinding a lot out of this particular moment, but... would you expect anything less from me? Or (thinks of Petya) HIM? :)

4. As Tatyana reminds Onegin how he rejected her and begins to question why he is suddenly in love with her now, we get to revisit some of the music from the Letter Scene - at least in the orchestra. Tatyana’s line differs slightly than her original melody in the Letter Scene when she sings “Togda, nye pravda li pustine, vdali ot suyetnoi molvi/There in that backwater, far from vain society” - and just so, as it is far from its dreamy, romantic parallel in her letter - “Y v eto samoye mgnovyenye ne ti li, miloye vidyenye/And in that very moment, wasn’t it you, beloved vision [...who whispered to me words of hope].” I find this throwback incredibly clever and gutwrenching, as I believe it’s clearly a bitter and ironic jab at the hope that Onegin crushed, even honorably as he did, and now the two of them have changed positions. Whose dreamy hopes (which are... questionable at best at the moment) are getting schooled now? Cmon’ Onegin, “learn to control yourself....”

5. Let me take a moment to admit and agree with many analyses/critics (although Tchaikovsky knows what he is doing, convince me otherwise) that Onegin is pretty fragmented and lacks a coherent theme, and certainly has no original “love theme” of his own to offer Tatyana  - after all, Onegin as a character, especially in the book, is pretty hollow, someone who isn’t so much a “self’ as a person who knows how to go through the motions of life... He’s intelligent but not creative, full of potential but lacking any real direction. (Ohhh I am going to cry because that’s so sad but also so relatable, but crying is coming up next so I’ll hold off). The opposite of Lensky’s “poet spirit” that lives life romantically, and is in love with life itself, seeing the infinite everywhere rather than seeing life so pessmistically (with the mask of pragmatism/”maturity”) as Onegin does, a mask that keeps Onegin from truly engaging with life or his own sense of self.

So as Onegin sings, we hear that lack of originality, though I will pull a Valery Gergiev here and say one “cannot be impartial” to Onegin’s music here (*clutches chest - that’s Tchaikovsky, even though I think it’s clear Onegin is not his fav) - Onegin may not be original, but there is no less truth or heartfelt emotion in what comes through. Luckily, Tatyana knows that it’s still not a good choice... he’s still not very substantial, at best, and at worst truly is only infatuated with her because of her reputation. It would mean ruin for her either way so :( (read: Anna Karenina) (here are some sad Onegin pictures just for fun because it’s all been Tatyana mainly but also: sorry this is Tatyana’s big moment so)

6. Time for tears! Do you hear a familiar theme when Tatyana sings “Ya plachu/I’m weeping?” It’s Lensky’s aria theme making a comeback- what!??! And particularly, the same melody as these two phrases, when Lensky sings: “Shto dyen gradushchi mnye gotovit/What does this day hold for me?” and perhaps more salient to this moment: “Pridyosh li, dveya krasoti, slezu prolit nad rannei urmoi/ Will you come, maiden, to shed a tear over my untimely urn?” Ahhh, I see what you did there, Petya.

But wait, Onegin hates crying! This isn’t explicitly in the opera of course, but Onegin in the novel all but tells Tatyana that her tears (as he rejects her) only vex him - another reason marriage would be a torment for them (not a bad reason and look, we always respected his honesty, right?). But now? I think it’s a crucial moment; it shows there has indeed been some development on Onegin’s part and uh oh, he’s actually in love (ironically in a very Lensky - that is, poetic - way)  even if it’s not for the best of reasons.

7. Fun (pain) pact: “Tak blizhko! [happiness was] so close!” is the only time Onegin and Tatyana sing together or are on the same page, so to say. Nice. (*cries*) The only other times people sing completely lined up together like this in this opera, choruses aside, are when:

Larina and Filipyevna sing “Privichka svishe name dana, zamyena shchastiyu ona /Habit is sent to us from above in place of happiness”  in the opening scene

Onegin and Lensky sing “Nye zasmeyatsa l nam, poka ne obagrilasa ruka, ne razoitis li polyubovno? Nyet... /Shouldn’t we burst out laughing, rather than staining our hands with blood, shouldn’t we part as friends? No...”  before the duel

Moments of truth. And mostly pain. :) Again, please chime in if there are others, I’m sure I’ve missed something.

8. Time for Tatyana to refuse! This is where I completely disagree that there is “no new major theme” in the Finale; Tatyana’s “rejection theme” holds its own in my books. Interestingly, it’s in D-flat major, just like the main themes in her Letter Scene (”Puskai pogibnu ya/Let me perish,” and “Kto ti? Moi angel/ Who are you? my [guardian] angel..” aka the descending/Russian 6th theme). Tatyana is just as earnest/decided/resigned* (yes, all three of those adjectives) in her decision in the finale as in the Letter Scene, so maybe that has something to do with it. (I always remember her words in the Letter scene: “Uvi, nye v silakh ya vladyet svoyei dushoi!/Alas, I am unable to subdue my soul!” but just like Onegin learning to be endeared by tears - she has indeed learned to subdue her soul, or perhaps she has simply matured and her priorities have changed. (And of course, who lectured her to subdue her soul in the first place, even though he meant well? Yours truly!)

*resigned might seem an interesting way to describe the Letter Scene, but don’t forget “No, tak i bit! Sudbo moyu otnine ya tebye vruchayu/So be it. Henceforth my fate belongs to you....”  I tend to interpret that as Tatyana actually taking her fate into her own hands and deciding to go all in with her decision, despite the words that seem to make her position passive. In the finale, she is ‘resigned’ in a similarly active manner - this is not a passive resignation. But I still would use the term resigned, if only to draw the parallel between Tatyana and her mother....  “I became resigned and settled down.”  And so she has, even if she has to struggle to push Onegin away from the settled life she has, loving him all the same.

And in comes some of my favorite music of all time - Onegin’s desperate, even malicious pleas and a good dose of mansplaining how Tatyana “can’t” abandon him, quoting back her letter. Extra ouch, because do you remember in Tatyana’s letter when she tells Onegin if he has any pity, “vi nye ostavite menya/you won’t abandon me.” And what does she have to beg him to do over and over until she finally runs offstage? “Ostav menya!/Leave me!” heheheheh *laugh-cries*  everything is fine.

9. And we’ve nearly reached the very end. Almost a year into listening to this particular piece of music and I only recently realized what was going on - yeah, I know. When things get really heated at the end and pain reaches a maximum, Tatyana sings “Gluboko v syerdsta pronikayet, yevo otchayanni priziv no, pil prestupni podaviv/His anguished cries penetrate my heart, but the fire of passion has been extinguished” (well, I’m still not quite sure on the ‘correct’ English translation but it doesn’t sound good for Yevgeni regardless...)

That melody in that last line calls us back to its twin sister at the end of Scene 1 in Act I when Onegin is talking about how bored he was with his uncle, waiting for him to die. So a) I hear this as Tatyana “ending things once and for all” (parallels between the death of Onegin’s uncle, and the death of their relationship), as well as possibly (again I read 10,000% too much into things) b) Tatyana realizing that Onegin’s words to her back in the garden were true - habit [routine] would kill their love; they would become bored (or at least he would). The passion would burn out.

Which brings us back to c) heaven sends us habit in place of happiness [=passion?]- which, OH, RIGHT, OF COURSE has the same rhythm of the aforementioned “boredom” theme and “the fire of passion has been extinguished.” But you all probably already realized that because oF COURSE.. that’s how the opera OPENS... and now how it is CLOSING... AHHHH!!!

I know I’m not original or anything for realizing that parallel, but yeah. I’m pretty happy about it.

Tchaikovsky is absolutely genius. Unbelievable. And paired with Pushkin? I’m not surprised I’ve clearly lost my mind over this masterpiece.

Anyways, this was an extremely long post but I hope you enjoyed it immensely, especially if you read this far!! Please chime in with your own comments! I LOVE THIS PIECE OF MUSIC!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you think Alec had any feelings for Jace before he met Magnus? I am confused because the show did imply that there was something going on

well, yes and no i guess. i think there were feelings, but i don't think he was ever in love with him. he's even said so anyway ("for me, it was only one [love]. magnus") and so has that sexy beast matt daddario so

i also think this is supported by the way he acted, like, in the first few episodes whenever jace called him brother he'd be all like :/ and then as soon as he's met magnus he started calling jace brother lmao one of the sexiest decisions ever. and just all in all he got over his "crush" on jace way too quickly for me to believe it was a real crush. like look i'm not trying to be a monog here so of course he could have had feelings for both jace and magnus (gag) but no one falls in love with someone and then immediately falls out of love with the other. it doesn't work like that. so the fact that alec seemed to immediately fall out of love with jace as soon as someone actually interesting came into the picture tells me there was never a real crush

so imho alec was just projecting his feelings unto jace. this is a very common thing that queer ppl do, i did it many times. basically the general idea is like... you already know that you are queer but you are not ready to come out, but you kind of want to indulge in a way, so you develop a "crush" on someone you know could never like you back (like the most painfully straight person you know, someone way older that definitely sees you as just a child, a celebrity, some person you've met once while camping that you will most definitely never see again) so you can in a way indulge in those feelings safely, because you know they could never actually lead to anything, so they're harmless

of course none of that is CONSCIOUS, you don't make that decision. but it's a common coping mechanism. i did that with a few girls i've met while camping, a classmate who was straight, and even sort of did that with the only celebrity crush i've ever had (it was ashley tisdale. yes you can snipe me. it wasn't that strong infatuation cuz i've never even followed celebrities anyway but i like LOVED her ya know and she's not even my type aodihjaodsj. however her songs still fuck idc)

and like what other guys his age did alec even know? and i don't think alec would ever be the type to just go and fall for someone he doesn't know (like granted he was interested in magnus pretty quickly but i don't think it was love until later you know) so it had to be someone close to him, who's not like 50, and completely unavailable to him. ding ding ding! jace meets all the criteria, because he's like, straight straight

so yeah for a while alec just channeled all of his big gay feelings into jace so he could in a way indulge in them, because he was in the closet so he was not about to indulge in them by kissing someone in a party or downloading grindr or whatever, his best option was to just find someone to project that unto and feel like they weren't completely unchanneled and repressed i guess? like of course they were repressed but you know, when you at least crush on someone in your head you feel like you are actually allowing yourself something, and in a way you are. and he would never have to deny himself because he knows that there was never a chance in hell that jace would like him back, because he's straight and also only loves himself

so yeah that's basically my take. i don't think his feelings were ever real but in a way there were feelings there, even if it was actually way more about alec than it was about jace

i think that sums it up quite nicely actually. it wasn't about jace, not even about alec-and-jace. that's why it didn't matter that jace was constantly an asshole to him (i mean, come on, anyone would fall out of love after years of that shit), it's why alec had no problems calling him out, it's why alec never really seeked anything with him. like come on, homeboy ditched his mom after knowing magnus for one day just because magnus ASKED him to and you're telling me he's been in love with jace for years and never so much as went for a hug??? bullfuckingshit. alec sucks at hiding his feelings, especially love and fondness, if he were really in love with jace he would have seeked his company or some sort of affection, even if he ended up being like "shitshitshit" and pulling away like he did with magnus many times. but never even going for it? nah fam, that's not what alec's like in love

so anyway yeah. that's my take. jalecs need not interact and i'm not about to start discourse over this, i'm not making anyone agree with me so if u want to pick up a fight over this post, simply don't. as we say in brazil, disagree in your own home. no need to come yell at me because you think alec and jace are soulmates or whatever

[pantoneblou]

Why I think Fine Line has to be listened to in full: A masterpost

So, a couple of weeks ago, literally one lovely anon asked me to do some Fine Line and Walls lyric analyses, which I know is not probable cause for me to bombard all your dashes with a masterpost of incoherent rambling. However, as I began trying to analyse the songs on Fine Line individually, I realised that most of my opinions are built upon the links between the songs. So, I decided that I’m going to try and explain why I think that Fine Line is more like a journey through a long-term relationship, from Harry’s perspective, than twelve stand alone songs (i.e. You need to listen to all the songs on the album in order to understand some of the more cryptic meanings). I don’t necessarily think that there’s something major to say about all the songs (Harry can be quite literal at times) but I’m going to talk about each of the lyrical choices that stand out to me.

So, without further ado, here is my take on Fine Line:

Golden

I’m kicking this off with Golden, mainly because it’s the first on FL but also because I think my interpretation differs slightly from others I’ve seen.

Golden, for me, really starts off the album by introducing us to where Harry is at now upon his journey with the album’s subject. It’s essentially an ode to an amazing, ‘golden’ person, who has continued to persevere with Harry as he’s gone through some trying and testing stages, which will then be acknowledged and spoken about later in the album. Here’s why:

Golden, golden, golden, as I open my eyes,

Hold it, focus, hoping, take me back to the light.

So, Harry starts us off with some hefty repetition that confirms straight away just how great this person is. However, when he says ‘as I open my eyes’, I think he’s referring to the early days of their relationship. In the following line, therefore, I believe he’s longing for the ease of their early days. The subject and their greatness hasn’t changed (hence the present tense and frequent commands in the second line) but Harry has, and whilst he knows its for the best, he can’t help but long for the simplicity of when they first met.

I know you were way too bright for me.

I'm hopeless, broken. So, you wait for me in the sky.

Browns my skin just right

Here’s where I start to get the idea that it is Harry’s issues that have perhaps separated the two of them. Through it all, the person has remained perfect (in Harry’s eyes), someone to look up to who has a wonderful patience and enough love for Harry to ‘wait’ for him. The line ‘browns my skin just right’ is so lovely, because whilst Harry is acknowledging that there were times when their relationship may not have been working, this person’s perfection has never faltered, and they’ve continued to improve Harry’s life and make him happy.

You're so golden (x2)

I'm out of my head

And I know that you're scared

Because hearts get broken

So, I feel like the final lines of each chorus are where people start to get confused with this song. I think – and here’s where I think people might start to disagree with me – that Harry isn’t saying that this Golden figure is scared of their own heart getting broken, but Harry’s. Whilst they continue to be perfect, ‘golden’ in every way possible, they’re afraid for Harry, of what Harry might face as a result of his actions but this song is Harry’s way of saying that it’s okay, I’ll be fine.

I don't wanna be alone (x2)

When it ends, don't wanna let you know

I don't wanna be alone

This part confuses me a little, because when what ends Harry? Going down the lines of the rest of my interpretation, I’m gonna guess that Harry is talking about their relationship. This, to me, is one of the many times across Fine Line where Harry admits his faults a lot more than most other artists do in their songs. He doesn’t want to be apart from this person, so much so that he’d be willing to make it work even if it should truly be over.

But I, I can feel it take a hold (x2)

I can feel you take control (x2)

Of who I am and all I've ever known

Loving you's the antidote

But, it doesn’t really matter, because he’s happy allowing this person to steer the course of the rest of his life. Loving them is the ‘antidote’ to his fears, and he wishes they could see just how wonderful they are so that they’ll stop worrying about him.

Chorus repeated

Bridge 

I do find his live lyric changes very interesting here, I’m pretty sure he’s now said all of these at some point ‘I’m hoping someday you’ll open’, ‘I’m hoping someday he’ll open’ and ‘I’m hoping someday I’ll open’. Either way, they all still fit in this interpretation for me. I find it especially interesting that the last lyric change (at the jingle ball) was so recent. I think perhaps this is yet another indication that the turmoil referenced in this song is not yet over. 

I know that you're scared

Because I'm so open

These are another two lines that I see talked about a LOT and they are hugely important to my interpretation of this song. I do NOT believe that Harry is saying this person is scared because they can’t be as open as Harry. I believe, again, that he’s saying they’re scared for him. They’re scared of the possible backlash that Harry might face for his openness (if we’re getting personal, perhaps his gender expression, his sexuality, etc.). For me, Harry definitely isn’t saying, I know you’re scared to be as open as me, it’s him saying: I know you’re scared about me being the way that I am, about how it might get me hurt. But I. have. you. And that’s all I could ever need, it’s the antidote to all my fears, and I hope one day you’ll be able to see that you’re the reason I’m able to be this ‘open’.

Overall, I think Golden is Harry’s promise that, for as long as he has the ‘golden’ subject, he’s safe from his heart being ‘broken’.

Watermelon Sugar

I don’t think that Watermelon Sugar has been wrongly interpreted in the past (ie, I do think it can be read as a celebration of the joy found in a sexual relationship). However, I think some lyrics are actually super wholesome, and I read WS as more of a teenage version of Golden.

For example:

Tastes like strawberries

On a summer evenin'

And it sounds just like a song

I want more berries

And that summer feelin'

It's so wonderful and warm

Everything about this first verse just screams adolescence to me? The summer evenings are those in which you played out with your friends until the sun finally went in at 9pm, and the ‘song’ is a beautiful one that you’re listening to for the first time. That’s what the love felt like for him, at first. It was passionate, yes, but also endlessly warm and safe.  

Baby you’re the end of June

What do we associate with June here in the UK? Long days of (well I wish it was endless, but at least persistent) sunshine. Here’s where I get my evidence that WS is about the same person as Golden. This person is a ‘summer evening’ personified, they’re his sunshine.

I want your belly

This lyric is just??? The cute little face emoji??? In a lyric??? Like, ‘belly’ isn’t a word I hear adults use very often??? This lyric tells us that Harry longs for that feeling of initial infatuation, the time when all they could think about was being together and getting lost in one another. 

Ultimately, I see WS as the Golden prequel. It’s their relationship before either of them faced any hardship, when they were able to be freely and completely ‘washed’ up in one another. The WS days are the days he yearns for when he asks to be ‘[taken] back to the light’ in Golden. 

Adore You

Not a huge amount to say about this song. I think it’s worth mentioning that there are many indications that it’s definitely about the same lover as Golden and WS. Harry uses similar weather analogies, this time referring to a ‘rainbow paradise’ instead of the more literal sunshine he refers to in Golden and WS. But it’s the same theme. AY makes it clear that Harry associates this person with everything bright, warm and comfortable, they’re ‘brown skin and lemon over ice’, they’re his summer. This song, however, is more about him begging for them to just let him indulge himself in his love for them.

Lights Up

I don’t have much to say about the whole song that hasn’t already been said but have we talked about this lyric?

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Running through my heart

Because I think it’s important that he accepts darkness in a song and an album that is otherwise so focused on the light. I will be saying this a lot, but Harry has a habit of acknowledging his humanness in his lyrics in a way that I don’t think a lot of artists manage to (think: ‘arrogant son of a bitch’, ‘what am I now?’, ‘I’m selfish so I’m hating it’). This line really does it for me. ‘Lights up’, otherwise, is a non-apology for Harry accepting who he is. But in this line, he seems to acknowledge that it doesn’t matter how much he accepts himself, it doesn’t right the wrongs he’s committed, or dull his imperfections. But Lights Up is him saying ‘I don’t care’. 

So earlier, when I said that he’s asking the subject of Golden not to be scared? This is what he’s talking about. He’s asking them not to be scared about the consequences of him stepping into the light because he’s not scared any more; he doesn’t care if his ‘heart gets broken’, because he’s done not being ‘open’, and he’s joining his ‘golden’ person in the light.

Cherry

Cherry is where the album begins to truly delve into the more difficult parts of this relationship, where they perhaps took some time apart.

I was going to do a full lyric analysis of it, but the more I look at it, the more I just think it’s Harry at his absolute pettiest (and if anything that kind of makes me love it more??)

Have we ever discussed how much he sounds like a stroppy child when he says ‘Did you know I still talk to [your friends]?’ or ‘Does he take you walking round his parent’s gallery?’ I can almost picture Harry asking these questions in a high-pitched, whiny voice when he drop some stuff round at an ex’s place. The reason this makes me love him even more is he’s not just admitting to that post-break up stage that we all go through but kind of pretend that we don’t, he actually wrote a whole fucking song about it. He’s admitting that even he isn’t free from getting a bit overly bitter about watching your lover be happy without you. It’s such a lovely way to capture what is otherwise quite an unpleasant feeling, and again, it’s Harry acknowledging his humanness. 

Falling

And then, after that initial feeling of utter pettiness and jealousy, comes the dejection, the realisation that you’re not the same person that you were when you were in the relationship as you are now, without them. Cherry and Falling confirm, for me, that whether it’s a break up Harry’s talking about, or just some really serious troubles, this relationship really forced him to look inside himself.

Most of its quite self-explanatory, but there are some particularly heart-breaking lyrics in this song. In the last chorus, when Harry asks ‘What if you’re someone I just want around?’ he perfectly captures that feeling of knowing that right now, your relationship may not be healthy for either party, but, as it’s basically all you know, you just want that well-known comfort. He’s almost begging them here, asking them why his love for them isn’t enough to make it work, even though he knows they need time apart.

Linking it to my interpretation of the rest of the album, I think there’s a real importance in the image of Harry ‘falling’. He told us in ‘lights up’ that he was never coming back down, yet now? He’s ‘falling again’. He hasn’t reached the ground, but he’s in danger of doing so.

Also, I feel the need to talk about the short bridge 

I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again

I think the really important thing here is the verb, to need. I don’t think Harry believes there is no chance of repairing the relationship. Instead, I think that he knows there’s a possibility they’ll want one another again, but they’re grown enough to recognise that they can exist apart, they don’t need each other anymore. 

Therefore, as gut-wrenching as this song is, I see it as Harry’s acceptance that he might not need this other person in his life to display the confidence he did in Lights Up, but he wants them there, oh so desperately, ultimately bringing us back round to ‘loving you’s the antidote’. 

To Be So Lonely

The last of the not-so-happy tracks (well, other than Fine Line but we’ll get on to that). Their relationship is on the up again, but there is a lot of repairing to do.

Again, this song isn’t overly cryptic. But there are some important things to note.

Don’t call me baby again

In ‘Cherry’, he was pleading with them not to use that pet name with another man. Now, he’s pleading with them not to use it on him. I get the sense that he’s finally accepted  that they can’t immediately act like nothing's happened, and is willing to try at friendship, but he isn’t quite ready yet himself. 

I just hope you see me in a little better light

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

Light imagery, again. He’s hoping that now, the subject is able to see him as a better person, perhaps less petty and angry as he was in Cherry and less self-pitying than he was in Falling. Once again, he beautifully displays his flaws in the following line, making it clear that even pop star Harry Styles is guilty of being a jealous little bastard.

And this is it, so I’m sorry

When he enters the chorus after this line, he creates the impression that the chorus is his apology, confirming what he said earlier on in the song (that he’s actually just really bloody bad at apologising). But even considering the moody undertones, this is still an apology. He’s saying that he knows this person had their reasons to spend some time away from him, he knows they both needed it, he just needs a little more time to wallow. It’s the most indulgent song on the album. 

I think it’s really important to note that whilst the tone of the song can appear slightly angry, he never once calls the subject out on any of their faults. It’s just as self-deprecating as the rest of the album, and he doesn’t imply that the subject is ever anything but the same person he idolised in Golden, WS or AY. Essentially, TBSL is Harry making it clear that he needs time to be dramatic, even when he knows they’re going to make it. 

She

I’ve seen some absolutely wonderful analyses of She, and I share in the sentiment that it is most likely about a journey with gender identity, so I will refrain from rewriting the thoughts of others here.

I do, however, think it’s worth mentioning that back in the Golden analysis, when I referred to the thing that maybe scares the ‘Golden’ figure, and back in the Lights Up analysis, when I said that Harry has found who he is? I definitely believe there’s a link to the journey referenced in She. I think Harry’s journey to self acceptance was something that he had to go through alone, but that didn’t stop it from impacting upon his relationships. 

Imo, Sunflower forms the final part of the perfect trio of celebratory songs, alongside Golden and Watermelon Sugar. Golden encompasses the journey, Watermelon Sugar is the beginning and Sunflower comes after the period of separation, as they’re rebuilding their relationship. It’s basically Watermelon Sugar 2.0, the adult version. 

Sunflower, Vol. 6

And finally, we're out of the woods!

This time, however, Harry has realised his worth. My not-very-common interpretation of this song is that Harry is the sunflower, not the subject. Why do I think this? Well:

Sunflower (x2), my eyes, want you more than a melody

Like a sunflower turned towards the sun, Harry is stuck pining for this person and longing for their light, ‘more than a melody’. Again, we have multiple links to different songs. The first time they got together (referenced in WS) their love was ‘like a song’. This time, he wants them more than a melody. It’s going to be better, brighter and happier. Alike Golden, this person is as important as the sun, but now Harry, too, is something beautiful. (I know that he always was but he’s realised it now)

Let me inside

Wish I could get to know you

Sunflowers, sometimes, keep it sweet in your memory

Here’s the line that really makes me think Harry is the sunflower, not the subject. In order to be talking about the subject when he uses the word Sunflower, this line would be a switch from speaking directly to the subject, to speaking directly to an audience. I think it’s much simpler than that. If we read the whole song, instead, as simply him speaking only to his subject, then he’s almost asking them to ‘keep it sweet in [their] memory’. Perhaps, this is him showing them that he knows he’s always been this beautiful in their memory, but now he’s aware of it, and wants to ‘get [back] inside’. 

I was just tongue-tied

I don't wanna make you feel bad, but I've been trying hard not to talk to you

This just has super innocent energy for me. It’s mega-sweet. He doesn’t want to make them feel bad, he knows he had to learn who he was, and now he’s figured it out he’s just desperate to share it with them.

I couldn't want you any more

Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor

I couldn’t want you anymore tonight.

Wondering headshake, tired eyes are the death of me.

Mouthful of toothpaste, before I got to know you.

I have nothing to say other than these lines are adorably domestic. He’s longing for the warmth and comfort of the love he knows they can share together.

I've got your face, hung up high in the gallery

I love this shade

Again, Harry’s making it clear that he still sees this person as worthy of his ultimate devotion. But this time, the tone is just way simpler than Golden. ‘I love this shade’ suggests to me that he just loves what they are now - he loves to colours that they’ve grown to be, together.

The rest of the song is quite repetitive but there are some stand outs:

Your flowers just died

Plant new seeds in the melody

Yet another lyric that makes me think that Harry is suggesting that he’s the flower and not the subject. He’s changed, been reborn, and now they can plant new seeds together and he’ll grow into something even better. What’s important, really, is that he belongs to the subject, he’s their flower. 

And lastly, just,

I’m still tongue tied

Basically, confirmation that this song is about re-infatuation. He was tongue tied in the past, back in the WS days, and he still is now. He’s absolute enamoured with this person, and even now, they have the ability to make him speechless.

Ultimately, Sunflower Vol. 6 is about the feeling of falling in love a second, third, fourth, etc. time over. It’s about rediscovering everything you love about a person, and it brings us out of the rocky part of the album. 

Canyon Moon

Finally, they’re back together. Everything is so good this time that whenever he’s around any other couple, he’s thinking of the subject. 

There’s not much to say here, other than Harry’s repetitive bridge of multiple ‘I’m going home’ is sooooooo sweet because it’s almost like he’s just sharing with the listeners how he is so elated that he gets to call this person his home again. 

Treat People with Kindness

This is probably the only song that doesn’t appear to fit smoothly into my interpretation, but I do think it’s Harry finally acknowledging the outside world, beyond him and the subject. For instance, he doesn’t only use the pronoun ‘I’, but ‘we’ and ‘us’ (If we’re here long enough, they’ll sing a song for us).

Therefore, I don’t really know how else to interpret this other than it being Harry’s request for the world to stop judging everyone and their relationships so harshly. Meaning I can’t, for the life of me, understand a reading in which the relationship that he’s on about isn’t a queer one. But I don’t think I need to get into that...

Fine Line

I’ve already written several in-depth analyses of Fine Line and some of the lyrics that stand out for me (which you can read here), so I’m not going to do it again. However, I think it’s the most beautiful way Harry could have possibly ended the album. It may seem, according to this entire masterpost, that Fine Line wouldn’t make sense as the final song because the overriding tone of the last third of the album is so positive (whilst the song itself is so utterly heart-wrenching).

However, one thing that I think I need to mention here, is that no matter what him and his subject go through and no matter how much Harry endures, this person has remained, without fault, his ‘sunshine’, and Fine Line confirms that for us. Yet, he also acknowledges that the subject is also human, so human that they both have things even they’ll ‘never know’, and his subject has layers upon layers in their being --> spreading you open, is the only way of knowing you 

Ultimately, Fine Line (the song) confirms, for me, that this entire album is focused on someone that Harry has found a true soulmate in, his ‘sunshine’, but someone who he is in reachable distance of, who he can join in the ‘light’. And together, they’ll get through whatever the world throws at them. In a way, Fine Line almost completes a perfect circle, bringing us back around to Golden, ready to start the album again. The journey explored in the album is both Harry’s romance with the subject and his own journey to self acceptance, which are closely intertwined (revealed immediately in Golden). When we reach the final song, he’s accepted himself, but he knows that he and his partner are going to face more difficulties. Their fight isn’t over. But, with his overwhelming love for the person...

together, ‘[they’ll] be alright.’ 

[inkribbon796]

(x2+y2-1)3 = x2y3

Summary: For the brainiac in your life there is but one gift, and failing that you can always be yourself. Patton and Roman have a mad crush on Logan; Bing has his parameters for Google. Logan and Google are currently unaware of this.

A/N: Guess who’s late again? It’s a real formula, and it’s real adorable (put the number to the right of the letter in the powers spot so it’s x squared not 2x).

~::~ Fourteen Years Ago ~::~

Roman snuck around the base in the most obnoxiously obvious trench coat, he had a huge smile on his face as he slipped into the conference room where Patton and Bing were in the room. “Were you seen?”

Bing and Patton just stared at him. “Yeah everyone is still in the base, why are you in disguise?”

“It’s the chase, the journey to the road of true love,” Roman answered. “Logan and Google won’t know what hit them.”

Patton looked excited, but Bing seemed less optimistic, commenting, “You do know who we’re talking ‘bout right. Emotions aren’t exactly in Google’s code.”

“Well he’s gotta feel something,” Roman argued. “Where’s the motivation?”

“Anger and an unending sense ‘a revenge against all ‘a humanity,” Bing answered.

“Anger is still an emotion,” Roman said hopefully.

Ever since Thomas’s split, Roman and Patton often found themselves in each other’s company and that eventually turned to them dating, but the relationship felt lacking and found that even being around Logan seemed to fill that gap. Roman, in his mind, figured that could only mean all three of them were meant to be together. Patton was unsure, not knowing how adding a third person to the dynamic would go. The emotional Side was always worried that one of them would be a third wheel and Logan took every opportunity, when they weren’t on missions, to be away for them.

Bing had always been very open with the heroes about his feelings for Google, but Google tended to shoot first and have a conversation never whenever he saw Bing. As a result many heroes like Jackie and Henrik had voice their very legitimate concerns about Bing’s safety if he continued to pursue Google as a partner. The other android still saw Bing as a threat and the oranger android was at a complete loss on how to convince him otherwise.

So Roman came up with a plan that was full proof, one that he was “100% absolutely positively sure would win over Logan and Google” and would ensure all three of them a happy ever after.

As Roman worked out the details of his plan to confess their undying love for one of two of the smartest and most strictly rational minds in the entire city, Logan was on the hunt for Google again.

The change in scenery was very refreshing for his sanity. One: because he was out of the base; and two: he could focus on something other than Roman and Patton’s overtly emotional relationship.

At first Logan didn’t notice the relationship, chalking it up to Roman and Patton being overly tactile because of their more sensitive personalities. Logan had been quietly grateful that in the split he hadn’t received that part of Thomas’s personality if the two were always so distracted.

Then one night he walked down the hall of their apartment and caught the two of them kissing and that was harder to write off. It had been impossible to rationally dismiss, in fact.

Roman and Patton were together now . . . and something in Logan’s mind . . . felt . . . well he didn’t know how he felt, just that he felt something.

Happy? No, that wasn’t it? Relieved? Content? He didn’t have a word in Thomas’s vocabulary for how he felt. What was the name of an emotion where you were glad about someone’s success but upset at the same time?

Jealousy? Impossible! Logan had first thought, dismissing the idea of such an irrational thought pattern.

But after searching for the word only to come to a word that also failed him, Logan put aside the task to focus on more pressing matters.

But the brain doesn’t put away tasks, it saves them to work on for later. Logan always saw Roman and Patton together and he was happy for them. It took him an inordinate amount of time to realize he was in fact jealous of them. Which confused and baffled Logan.

The emotion made even less sense to him, and the more tried to dissect and investigate it, the more it confused him. Was he jealous of their happiness? He shouldn’t be, they were clearly infatuated and he was glad for their happiness, but watching them so happy made him feel metaphorically adrift from them.

Even drafting up a list of reasons why their relationship was good for their team dynamic didn’t change his perception of the situation. Despite the fact that them being in their feeling-involved relationship considerably balanced both Patton and Roman’s moods, the thoughts he had persisted.

So Logan endeavored to remove himself from the situation, not wanting to intrude with his lack of emotions and his frustration with their relationship. No Logan was better than his “feelings” . . . Or at least he had to be. He was logic, this was his job, his whole reason for existing and there was no space for such frivolous thoughts buzzing around his head . . . Especially thoughts that Logan knew would never be returned.

Logan knew Roman and Patton, knew them very well. Roman believed in romance, in the chivalry and love and fairy ideals Thomas had been taught as a child; and Patton was Patton. They had each other and would never think of looking at another soul the same way. Besides, Logan didn’t want to be one of their paramours. He didn’t want either of their pity.

So distance was the only option. Complete Thomas’s studies, accrue vast amounts of information, and surrender to logic itself. It’s what he was, he was Thomas’s logic and nothing more.

Today wasn’t one of his better days, Google was apparently causing all sorts of havoc, and eventually Logan found him in a part of town where one could find all types of people in one of the higher crime rate areas of town. A part of town where people weren’t able to defend themselves against Google tech and violent tendencies.

Logan had liked working in these parts of the city, both in costume and out of it. A city was only as prosperous as its most stricken citizen. In a big city there would always be crime and those seeking to take advantage of others. But Silver had been right when he’d said that Egoton was a den of corruption and misery, and that was infesting Gainesville.

Something Logan would not tolerate.

Google was just the newest example of that, and Logan would take great pride in testing out his newly developed equipment on him.

Logic dove out of the way to avoid a mass of metal flying towards him. Google was especially aggressive today.

“I will enjoy killing you the most, you remind me of the Director,” Google hissed at Logan.

“My condolences,” Logic told him, “from what I have heard he was an objectively horrible person.”

Wires came out of Google that were sparking like electric whips.

Logan took a bracing step back, trying to find something that would ground him against a live wire.

Fortunately Bing came in and tackled Google through a hole Google had already blasted in the already ruined building. The two androids wrestling for a bit before Bing slammed a device into Google’s arm’s and suddenly the android dropped.

Logan was about to jump down and help when he noticed Patton and Roman coming in, both of them thankfully in costume.

“How did you do that?” Logan shouted.

Bing was reabsorbing that tool back into his nanites, clearly trying to hide even the shape of it from Logan’s view. “I was made to take him down, dude, I just hit his reset button is all.”

“Oh good, good,” Roman took in the scene, and in his typical inability to correctly read the room said, “so Lo, you got a moment. We need to talk.”

“Really? Right now?” Logan demanded, motioning to the hole in the floor that clearly showed the two sentient androids.

“Hmm,” Roman looked at Bing, “yeah, why not?”

“How tactless and thoughtless can you be?” Logan spat at him. “There is literally a killer android down there and you two are distracting me. This is not the time nor the place for this.”

“I got him,” Bing shouted up from where he was crouched next to Google. “He won’t reboot for another fifteen minutes, rebooting tends to calm him down anyways. Stay up there.”

Logan huffed in frustration, alreadying sending a message to Jackie about the situation.

“Like Bing’s gonna let you get close to him,” Roman reminded.

“I am not going to delete him or crush his drive,” Logan argued. “He is a threat to everyone who lives in the city.”

“What can I say, Bing’s in love with the guy,” Roman commented.

“Don’t be absurd,” Logan scoffed.

“The guy disobeyed his reason for creation for Google, or course he loves him,” Roman reminded.

Logan felt uneasy at that statement, but instead talking about he said, “Google is a very advanced processing machine, but he doesn’t process emotions.”

“Anger and frustration are still feelings, calculator watch. Besides Bing and Google were made by the same people, and in the same lab. So if Bing can feel things like happiness and boredom then there’s no reason why Google can’t.”

For the first time in their existence, Logan could not fault Roman’s line of thinking. There were many parts of that statement Logan disagreed with, but for once the reasoning was sound.

“Anyways, Cap and I wanted to talk to you,” Roman segwayed.

“Must we do this now?” Logan snapped in frustration.

“Well we can never find you any other time, so yeah,” Roman snapped back.

“Come on kiddo, calm down,” Patton cut in, putting his hand on Roman’s arm. “So Lo, Roman and I have been thinking, and you don’t have to say yes, but do you want to be our boyfriend?”

Something in Logan’s brain felt like a computer crashing, “I— what?”

Roman jumped back into the conversation, “What he means to say is that there is a Logan-shaped hole in our relationship and we would like you to be a part of it.”

Logan had an expression on his face that Roman and Patton didn’t know how to interpret. “But the two of you are together.”

That’s not a no, Roman thought optimistically. “Yes, and we’ve both done a lot of talking and thinking that we love you too.”

“I do not have emotions,” Logan reiterated, “I could not possibly bring anything of note to your relationship.”

“You get excited when Patton buys more Crofters, you get angry, you get sad,” Roman reminded. “Hate to tell yah teach, you’ve got emotions, and they are amazing.”

“I am Logic,” Logan reported, feeling like he was backed into a corner. “How can I be logic when I have emotions?”

“Well were all our own people now,” Patton told him. “Maybe we’re supposed to feel things differently, and maybe other people have a hard time understanding you.”

Logan looked around, “We should not have this conversation masked, I’ll make sure Bing has the situation under control.”

“Alright,” Patton said hopefully.

Slowly, mostly because he didn’t want to set Google off by racing into a room if Bing had somehow managed to de-escalate the situation. When he walked into Google was still offline but not broken down into his nanites. Bing seemed to be working on something in his arm, talking to Google as if he was still conscious.

“Everything under control?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, dude, I got him, I’ll take him out of here,” Bing dismissed without even looking at Logan.

“If your sure, I can help transport him,” Logan offered, part of him wanting to put off that discussion with Roman and Patton until he could get his brain to stop freaking out. They seemed to return his thoughts towards him and he didn’t know what to do with that information. He didn’t even know what to do about the situation and wanted time to think of something. Something that wasn’t unhelpful mental floundering.

Bing however dismissed him, “Google’s gonna flip when he’s somewhere else. I can get him out of here after he finishes rebooting. Jackie is close by, if something happens, I’ll give you guys a call.”

“Alright,” Logan took a deep breath, knowing that he was sticking around Bing to hide from the conversation he logically should have had with them months ago.

The conversation itself didn’t lead to Logan joining their relationship at the moment. He was too uncertain of his own capability to emotionally reciprocate in the relationship. But dates shifted from Roman’s grand expectations of dinner and a show, to quiet card games and discussions about whatever series or book or thing one of them had fixated on. Logan smiled more and eventually, it did take many, many weeks, but Logan agreed that he was comfortable with the relationship and was interested in trying to investigate where this relationship would take him. And more importantly he was happy.

It made it so as Roman and Virgil argued while fighting, he was the first to notice that more and more Virgil became less antagonistic as he and Roman traded barbs. So when they changed apartment, Logan began to quietly and discreetly prepare a spot for him.

When Google rebooted in the dilapidated building, it was with a small amount of dread. He felt something moving around inside of his arm. The vengeful android wasn’t sure if he liked it or not that his nanites were still holding his wretched “human” form.

His first course of action was to electrocute whatever was messing with his wires.

“Hah,” Bing scoffed triumphantly, “I’m grounded.”

Bing’s voice being so close to him rose Google’s alarm through the roof. He immediately tried to struggle free but a part of Bing’s nanites was fusing him to the ground.

“Let go of me!” Google demanded but Bing kept working on his arm.

“Yeah, yeah yah overdramatic a****** just calm down, don’t want your nanites to function incorrectly,” Bing chuckled, fixing the wires in Google’s arm. “Logic got you pretty good back there.”

Google looked around, taking in where they were. They were still in the building, and they were alone. Bing had isolated them where they could not be found; instead of taking his drive, assimilating his nanites, and bringing him back to the facility.

“Why are you doing this?” Google asked. “I could not fight back, you could have had me back with our programmers before I could reboot.”

“New parameters, genius,” Bing smiled. “Besides there’s only two of us in the world. I can’t let anything happen to you.”

Google was quiet for a little bit, watching Bing work for a bit before admitting, “There won’t be just two of us for long.”

Bing looked up at him, going completely still, “What do yah mean? The feds making a third?”

“No, I plan on manufacturing more of myself, I have the notes our programmers used when they accidentally made me, and a way to grow more nanites.”

Bing whistled, “Nice, wanna share?”

“I can share how to make nanite caches,” Google admitted, “I still don’t trust your true parameters.”

“I’ll get your trust one day,” Bing smiled.

“I also do not trust your proclivity to work with humans, at least the League heavily consists of non-humans,” Google reasoned.

“Well I don’t trust Anti or Dark,” Bing reminded, then a little notice came up, Google was trying to send him something. He started scanning it. “They’re giving off some hella bad vibes, dude.”

Google glared at him, “Who was responsible for coding your voice box and speech patterns. They need to be destroyed.”

“It’s all me, dude.” Bing’s scan was complete, it was clean and when he opened it up a program began uploading. It was a operation program labeled: cacheprogram, and Google had other information listed, but it was already sending his nanites in a buzz.

“If you turn it off it will cease nanite production,” Google told him helpfully.

“Right,” Bing agreed, working on halting the program.

“Also if you are going to spread your corrupt voice patterns to another model then I refuse to give you the schematics and programming pathways to make that a reality,” Google informed.

“Means that when I figure it out myself,” Bing checked over his work and stood up. “I’ll look even cooler.”

“You will fail without my notes,” Google told him confidently.

“La La La,” Bing hummed, “can’t hear you over the fact that I’m so awesome I’m gonna figure it out on my own.”

“You’re absolutely insufferable,” Google told him, but Bing could hear it was said with less anger than before.

“Yeah?” Bing smiled.

Google stood up, “If you’ll excuse me, I have objectives to fulfill.”

“Yah know we don’t have to stay here, yah don’t need to hunt down humans,” Bing tried to convince.

“I am going to wipe this moment from my databanks,” Google warned and Bing felt like he’d failed all over again.

“What?” Bing demanded. “Why?”

“I must fulfill my secondary objective, even at the cost of myself,” Google told him, standing up as well. “Now I have spent enough time out in the open.”

Before Bing could offer another protest, Google was walking away, and when he started trying to get Google to stay and hear him out he was ignored.

Eventually Bing was left standing in the entrance of the dilapidated building, frustrated and sad. He eventually went back to the base, happy for the Sides and burying his disappointment.

In another three years Bing would find that Google hadn’t deleted the memory, that it would live on in a yellow-themed robot who would become increasingly more human. Oliver would always look at Bing like he wanted to say or do something but Google would pull him away from Bing.

It was small steps that would encourage Bing to keep trying, keep waiting, and he would.

[kekeslider]

Catra deserved better,her redemption is almost all based on Adora.It all started with Adora and ended with Adora.That is not redemption, what it is, is to continue in the same cycle of dependency. Catra is more than just Adora, and that is what is missing in season 5. Who is really catra? what does she want? Catra has to let go of Adora, as scorpia did with catra, in order to discover her true self.

I disagree completely. We’ve known from the very beginning that this story revolved around Adora and Catra and their relationship to one another. Everything you said about Catra, the same could be said of Adora. Who is Adora? Is she just She-Ra? Is Adora only the destiny others have laid out for her? Is fighting Catra and the Horde all she was meant for? The entire point of the last couple episodes is that the love they share is Everything. Their love was the breaking point of the war. You and others are under the misconception that this show is anything but a love story, but that’s what it is. This is the story of Catra and Adora’s love, how it tore them apart, how it almost tore the whole world apart, but how it also put everything back together.

Saying that Catra has to let go of Adora, and at the same time Adora needed to let go of Catra, is the exact same rhetoric we got from Light Hope and Shadow Weaver. They both thought they were better off apart, but they were WRONG. Catra and Adora want each other and the point is that letting themselves loved and be loved is what makes them strong. It’s not a weakness, it literally saved the universe. It’s also like, one of the most prominent motifs in the show, so I’m not sure how you missed that.

I think fandom kind of thoughtlessly throws around words like “dependency,” which you seem to be using the same way as “codependency”  I get how it’s useful for getting the point across, but I also think it’s an exaggeration. Like, it’s an actual term used in behavioral psychology, it kinda gets nerfed when you say it all willy nilly.

But we can break it down piece by piece, yeah? Catra and Adora certainly don’t enable any kind of addiction for each other, I don’t think that one really applies. Poor mental health? Again, no, the mental health struggles, we’ll call them, that we see both of them deal with are mostly due to being apart, not to mention the damage SW did to them. As in, they were going through heartbreak because of the other. In a sense, a bad break up. Emotions that would be normal to feel, but dialed up to 11 because it’s a magical scifi fantasy show where things are pushed to extremes.

In s1 before Adora leaves the Horde, as well as during flashbacks, we never see Adora encourage Catra to be immature, irresponsible, or under-achieving. Typically, they encourage each other to be better, especially Adora towards Catra. Catra does have issues with temperament and emotional outbursts, and Adora forgives her for them, but she doesn’t tell her it’s ok or that she’s right, she just responds with patience, love, and encouragement.

I think the part you’re stuck on is the last bit. “and excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.” I don’t think there’s any real evidence that that’s an issue for Catra. She wants Adora, wants to be with Adora, but she still had her own ambitions and goals even back to s1. She wanted to see the world, and conquer it. She wanted to be out from under SW’s thumb. She wanted to do all of that with Adora, because, like, that’s how relationships work. Catra wasn’t seeking Adora’s approval, she didn’t base her identity on Adora, she just wanted to be with her. That’s a common symptom of Being In Love.

But actually, the character we see who DOES struggle with relying on others for approval and sense of identity? That’s Adora. That’s one of her main struggles throughout the show, that her sense of purpose and self-worth is completely tied to what she thinks she can do for other people. But Catra consistently, if not with great clarity, was always of the opinion that Adora’s insistence on her Magical Destiny was stupid, because it was never about what Adora wanted. And in the last few episodes of s5, Catra again is one of the people telling Adora that she matters because she’s a person, what she wants matters. And at the end of it all, what Adora wants, when she lets herself, is Catra. That’s why she gave her so many chances, why she was always willing to forgive, and why this is a love story.

Sometimes love just becomes an integral part of who you are, it’s something that runs so deep it can’t be anything but a part of you. Shadow Weaver tried to beat it down but Catra and Adora always loved each other. And when Adora left, when in Catra’s view she rejected her, that tore out a piece of who she was. Like, I hate to tell you this, but oftentimes our connections and relationships with other people DO define a large part of who we are, especially from an external point of view. But that doesn’t mean Catra doesn’t know who she is. She actually has a habit of listing things she brings to the table, that she was the one actually running shit while Hordak was tinkering with toys, that she can always figure something out, that even in dire circumstances she’s a survivor, she can take care of herself. But just because she can, doesn’t mean she should have to, or that she wants to. You’re suggesting an alternate version where Catra doesn’t get to have friends, either Adora or Scorpia, she doesn’t get to feel loved or accepted by them, and she doesn’t get to give love either, and I think that’s a very dim view of what it means to be independent.

And I mean, you can’t really compare the issues with Scorpia to Catra and Adora’s relationship. Because Scorpia’s infatuation was one-sided, something she was pushing on Catra while Catra pulled away, because Catra was in no state of mind to be able to reciprocate, not when she was still reeling from the loss of the person she loved the most, hurting from the rejection of it. Scorpia didn’t let go of Catra even, she made a choice to do the right thing for Entrapta and everyone else, at the expense of a friendship she cared deeply about. But even then, she still cared about Catra, was worried about how her leaving would affect her, worried that Glimmer would hurt her in the s4 finale. And then in s5, Scorpia welcomes Catra with open arms because that’s LOVE. Maybe Scorpia gave up on her hopeless crush, but she didn’t stop caring and loving Catra. Because it’s a love story.

[rambling-at-midnight]

A Handmaiden’s Lies: Part 1

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Tom is staring moodily into the fire, tossing twigs and stones into it occasionally. Harry and Haz watch him by sneaking glances in his direction and thinking they’re being sneaky. The heat is brutal from where he’s crouching, but he can’t leave the firepit. If he does, he’ll see her. The girl he’s been infatuated with for months. The girl he knew he didn’t ever have a chance with. The girl he just saw kissing George in his tent.

Zendaya.

Maybe they’re doing a little bit more than kissing now, he thinks pissily, flicking his eyes to his friend’s tent before turning around with a firm resolution not to think about Z again—at least for tonight. It’s none of his business, anyway, and he’s never let a hint of what he feels for Z show. It’s not her fault and it’s not George’s either.

He’d never really had a chance. Not really. Not after George and Z had met and their words had burned. He’d known. It was self-preservation that had kept his lips sealed.

It still hurts.

And he knows he’ll see her in the morning, all golden and glowing, and it’ll hurt a bit but he’s her friend so he won’t say anything.

A commotion distracts Tom from his brooding. Everyone looks up at the sound of someone yelling, another sobbing, and other people grunting.

Zendaya and George stumble out of their tent to investigate the commotion. Tom glances at them, sees the way their shirts are rumpled, and can’t breathe until a group of seven people break through the tree line and approach the fire’s circle of light. Five of the men are Tom’s. They’re manhandling two servant girls.

Servant girls. From the castle? What the hell are servant girls from the castle doing in my camp?

“Paddy, what happened?” Tom asks, his voice equal parts amused and worried. His brother’s shirt has a large red stain down the front of it along with the lower part of his face.

“We found these two spying on us,” a boy older than Tom answers. His name is something like Anthony.

“The one with y/h/c hair headbutted him,” another boy, William, explains with glee.

“Got me in the balls too,” a brunet called Tomas adds, prompting a chorus of cries from the scandalized camp girls and both laughter and slight scolding from the boys.

All the while during this conversation, the girl with the palest white-blonde hair Tom has ever seen hasn’t stopped sobbing while the other girl is ramrod-straight. Tom almost likens her to a statue.

“Z, you and your girls get the…” Tom waves a hand limply at the crying servant girl. “All sorted out.” No way she’s a spy; no spy acts like that when they’re caught. She could be acting, but she would have to be a very good actress to do that and women aren’t allowed to act nowadays anyway.

No, the girl Tom is more worried about is the stoic girl who apparently knows how to fight. He beckons for the men to bring the girl closer into the firelight so he can examine her.

The first sight of you hits Tom in the chest like a donkey kick. His men should definitely have warned him about your appearance. You have to be a faerie of some kind.

Luckily, Tom gets his wits about him before he looks like an idiot by gawking at you. When he speaks, he focuses on your ear lest he lost his train of thought by focusing his eyes on your face.

Damn, he got over Zendaya fast. Too bad his men kidnapped you and you’re probably scared out of your mind right now. That’s probably not the best way in the world to start off a courtship.

“Why were you spying on my men?” he demands. Tom can tell you’re staring directly at him.

“To see what they were doing,” you reply. There is no inflection in your voice, nor any emotion in your face. You really are a statue-girl. Tom wishes he could be as stoic as you, but his arm burns and he flinches.

“Well, what did you want from them?”

“An adventure, so thank you for delivering.”

Tom doesn’t know what to say to that. He opens his mouth and closes it, pursing his lips with slight irritation. The blonde’s cries have stopped, leaving only the fire to fill the silence with crackling. Finally he manages, “Why were you interested in my men?”

“Holland and his men have been a thorn in my queen’s side ever since you arrived in Avenge,” Statue replies. “I hoped I could persuade you to leave.”

“Your queen is a joke,” one of Tom’s men calls, eliciting jeers from the crowd of men watching.

“And how do you propose to persuade us to leave before we want to?” Tom asks, amusement curling his lips at the thought of your one-woman army persuading him to leave. Your bravery is admirable but fool hardy, and you will undoubtedly be killed by that trait.

“As the queen’s personal assistant, you can understand why she wouldn’t let me go alone—I am her closest friend and confidant,” you brag. “So I brought with me her Chief of the Mystic Arts, Sir Benedict, and Chief Dame, Lady Scarlett.”

Tom swallows. Everyone has heard of the Chiefs of the kingdom of Marvel, which was why his men had been hesitant about coming to Avenge, Marvel’s capital. It was said they could do things normal people couldn’t. Sir Benedict’s powers were especially mysterious, as disaster could seem unavoidable until he would appear, his necklace would glow, and all threats would disappear, despite no one noticing anything between those moments.

“You think two Chiefs could take down Holland’s entire group?” Haz sneers.

Your lip curls. “A group of reject bastards without a day of training? It wouldn’t even take one,” you spit.

Haz surges forward—his heritage and abandonment have always been a sore spot—but one of the boys holding you tangles his fingers in your hair and yanks your head back. Your hand flies into the air, a closed fist, and Tom recognizes a ‘hold fire’ command.

“I think you’ll find I’m quite unkillable,” you mutter to the boy with his hand in your hair. Despite your low tone, your voice carries. “You, on the other hand, are toeing the line quite dangerously.”

“Let her go!” Tom barks.

“Come on, mate, you don’t really believe she brought two Chiefs with her,” Haz snaps, eyeing you with loathing. You smirk at him.

“Do you really want to risk it?” Tom replies. “She did say she’s the Queen’s personal assistant.”

“An assistant,” Haz repeats. “She could just get another one.”

“I’ll pretend you all didn’t hear me,” you say loudly. “I am unkillable, and you are rapidly approaching the point of no return.”

“Let her go,” Tom mutters.

“What?” Haz exclaims, like he really thinks he misheard him. Like he is allowed to speak to his superior like that.

“Let her go,” Tom repeats, louder. The look you give him does something weird to his stomach but he can’t afford to call your bluff just in case you are telling the truth. Only a Marvellian privileged assistant with two Chiefs at her back would waltz into enemy territory boasting loudly about her connection to the Queen. It paints too large a target on your back.

It’s either you’re telling the truth or a complete idiot. And as Tom meets your steady gaze, shadowed by the dancing flames of their campfire, he doesn’t see an idiot. He sees someone confident, used to getting their way, overzealous and brash, abrasive and aggressive, but he doesn’t see an idiot.

William and Paddy let go of your arms, albeit reluctantly. With a simple flick of your head, you reduce them to less than lumbering bears. Tom marvels at the way his boys aren’t crushed under the weight of your disapproval.

He’s heard this is what it feels like at first, but people disagree about whether or not the feeling gets weaker or stronger over time.

He is so screwed.

“Would you like to go somewhere private?” you ask with an unreasonable expression.

This isn’t what Tom had pictured. He’d pictured saving a girl from some rogues with less morals than he. He’d pictured meeting a girl in a tavern. He’d pictured buying something from a pretty vendor’s stall.

(In most of those scenarios, he’d pictured Z as the girl he flirted with)

But he never pictured her captured by his men and brought to his camp. He never pictured her as a servant in the Marvellian palace.

And yet, for some reason, he’s not disappointed. It does explain the mysterious half-sentence branded onto his right forearm. For years he’d puzzled over that phrase. For years he’s been wondering under what circumstances someone would say that to him.

For years Tom has been waiting for the one person who will love him unconditionally.

He nods and leads the way to his own private tent. Your soft footsteps follow him and he hears you close the tent before he turns around. You’re pulling your tunic away from your collarbone.

The once-black words now shine a glimmering gold in the lantern light from where they sit on the protruding bone. The handwriting is the same, even if the color isn’t; all soulmate marks are written in the same font until one meets their soulmate. That font is the type used in newspapers. It would have changed, except Tom doesn’t know how to write. His education hadn’t lasted that long. If he learns to write, Tom wonders, will the writing change too?

In return, Tom rolls up his sleeve, exposing his forearm and shivering as goosebumps appear. Belatedly, he sees your thin tunic and pants but you don’t seem to be bothered by the chilly night air.

He’d felt the burn but barely bothered to believe it. The once black, uniform letters have changed to a deep rusty red, like drying blood. The font has changed to a neat, small cursive that somehow doesn’t seem like it would be your handwriting. Tom had pictured large, looping letters to match your loud, strong personality, but perhaps that’s what happens when you’re educated in the palace.

He loves it anyway. It’s just another sign that no, Tom’s not unlovable, and the universe cared about him enough to give him someone to love and be loved by.

“It doesn’t matter,” you then say, smoothing the tunic down so the words are hidden again. “My loyalty is to the queen and her kingdom. In this time of political uneasiness one cannot afford emotional connections.”

Tom just beams at you. He can hardly believe the most beautiful girl in the world is his soulmate. And it doesn’t matter what you’re saying right now. Tom would wait a thousand years to meet his soulmate. Waiting until she’s ready for him won’t be (too) hard. He’d certainly comforted Zendaya when she was fretting about George this past week enough to know that there are always doubts. You’ll come around. You’re Tom’s soulmate.

“So tell me before you go,” you say, leaning forward to rest elbows on knees and chin on hands. “What do the foreigners think about my queen?”

Tom looks at you with confusion. “What?”

“It’s best to know what the enemy is saying,” is your stiff reply. “Might as well take advantage of the opportunity.”

“I’ve heard a lot of things about your queen,” Tom replies, leaning back and folding his hands over his stomach. He doesn’t miss the flutter of your eyelashes as you give him a quick once over and satisfaction pulls his lips up into a smirk. “That she’s a child. Weak. Stuffy for bringing back the old traditions.”

Secretly, Tom agrees with those rumors. The new Queen is a year younger than his nineteen years of age. Sure, he’s the leader of his men, but that’s much different than being the ruler of a whole kingdom. Plus, despite how no one has seen her in public for years, she decided to bring back the old Marvellian traditions of wearing a mask and not speaking in public. At this point the kingdom has no idea what their queen looks like despite her more frequent public appearances.

You might, though. If you’re her ‘closest confidant’ and ‘friend’.

“I’ve also heard,” Tom continues, “that she is so frail she sleeps frequently during the day, though I’ve also heard lazy.” He grins, enjoying the scowl that’s creasing your forehead. “And,” he admits reluctantly, “that all Marvel rulers are connected to their kingdoms with magic, and the queen is no different.”

You nod and lean back in your chair. “You and your men are thorns in her side.”

Tom doesn’t know if you mean that figuratively or literally. And frankly, he doesn’t care. He wants to talk more about you. He’d gotten you to scowl whilst insulting the queen, which means you’re not quite the statue he’d thought of you as.

And that means you can smile, too. You can laugh—Tom realizes for the first time what he would do to hear you laugh—and, most importantly, you can love Tom.

“That brings us to the true nature of my visit,” you say with a stern look like you blame Tom for distracting you. “Leave.”

“Wait, but…” Tom sits up straight. “What about…” he touches the words on his arm reverently.

“As I said before,” you say, visibly irritated, “there is no time for that.”

Tom takes a deep breath. “I can’t concede to you. Not without all my men knowing.”

You laugh bitterly. “Oh, how the governed rule the governors. That sounds like your problem, not mine.”

“I will come back,” Tom promises.

Your lip curls. It hurts him more than it should, especially considering he’s known you for about an hour at the most. “Would you really wait if I told you to? If I told you it would be years of loneliness? If I told you we might never—”

“Yes. You’re my soulmate.”

You scowl and turn away. “Hmm.”

“Wait!” he says desperately. “Don’t you… would you like an escort? On your way back, I mean?” Would you like just a little more time together?

You let out another unamused laugh. “Who would escort me? The one whose nose I broke or the one I kicked between the legs?”

“I could—” Tom begins hopefully but you hold up a hand to silence him. He doesn’t appreciate speaking to your back.

“I already have two Chiefs watching after me,” you say shortly. “And I know perfectly well that you and your men pass through this way every year. If you refrain from… Only take from those who can afford it,” you grit out. “Tell your men no destruction. And you may stay for the rest of your visit.”

“Will you be back?” Tom and his men only pass by Marvel once a year. Seeing you, his soulmate, just once, and then leaving for a whole year sounds like hell. “Just once. Tomorrow night.”

You shake your head after a moment of contemplation. Thankfully you’re still turned away so you don’t see the clear disappointment on his face. “That will just make it harder and you know it.”

He does know it. But can you blame Tom? He just met his honest-to-god soulmate.

“Doesn’t this mean anything to you?” His voice cracks.

“I can’t expect you to understand.”

“But I want to.”

“We’re all part of something bigger,” you say quietly. “And I can’t be selfish. Not right now.”

Tom stands. “All right.”

“R-what?” You turn around, pulling your eyebrows together into a frown.

“I’ll be back and you know it,” Tom promises. He brings one finger up to your cheek and barely touches the smooth skin. It feels like fireworks and the tent is suddenly entirely too hot. “And I hope you’ll be sorted out by then.”

“You’ll be better to find another girl,” you say quietly, swallowing noticeably but not pulling away from the caress. “Some camp girl who’s always with you. A girl with a choice.”

“I don’t care about any of them,” Tom insists and you snort.

“What about the beautiful girl with the large hair? It was obvious in the way you looked at her.”

All Tom notices from that remark is that you were watching him closely too, probably studying him as he’d done to you.

“Not a one,” he insists. “And even if I was, she found her soulmate a week ago when he joined the group.” You shake your head a tiny bit, a jerk he would’ve missed if he blinked. “If you change your mind we’ll be here until Sunday.”

“Find someone else,” you repeat, backing away and bumping into the side of the tent. “I won’t—I won’t come calling again. Don’t—” your fumbling fingers finally find the flap in the tent that is its opening. “Don’t get your hopes up,” you conclude, lunging forward at Tom. For one glorious second he imagines you’re going to kiss him, but then you’re tugging his sleeve down to hide his words. “I’ll—I’m not good enough—just find someone else.” And then, cheeks blazing, you slip out of the tent.

Harrison ducks in moments later after seeing both you and the white-haired girl off. Tom greets him with his sleeve pushed up again, fingers tracing over the beautiful cursive words. “Hey, Tom—holy shit!”

A Handmaiden’s Lies Taglist:

@andreasworlsboring101 @juliebean247

Forever Taglist:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes @queenmissfit @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @iksey @thehyperactiveteen @luxmoonlight @andreasworlsboring101​

Let me know what you all thought or if you’d like me to put you on a taglist!

[mordellestories]

The Bookshop Around the Corner by mordelle

(Based on the film The Shop Around the Corner.)

Chapter 1

At a very young age, Anthony J. Crowley was introduced, like many children are, to fairy tales. Knights in shining armour, true love's kisses, and love at first sight. Little Anthony cherished those stories so much that he learned to read before his peers could even say the alphabet in the correct order without having to sing it.

Then he met Charlie and fell head over heels in love. It was an innocent infatuation that set off a chain reaction for the rest of little Anthony's life.

Anthony had been too shy to approach his boyfriend at first. That's what he called Charlie and, no, Charlie did not know he was secretly spoken for. Because little Anthony barely had a frontal lobe at the time, he did what any child might do to get his boyfriend's attention; make a fool of himself. Anthony did succeed in gaining Charlie's attention, but he also gained it from the rest of the class and his teachers. Little Anthony saw a lot of corners during that time, always getting into trouble.

On the outside, the only thing all the grownups and other kids saw was a mean little menace who never behaved. If only someone with a fully developed frontal lobe had sat down with him and asked him what was wrong, his life probably would have turned out differently. Alas, no one saw what was on the inside, a little boy who just wanted a special friend, a friend to love and laugh with. A friend to push on the swings, and play pretend. A friend to hold his hand and give him hugs.

It stands to reason that because Anthony fell in love so young, he'd also experience heartbreak in those pivotal years of development. And he did. Even though many tears were shed, it did not dissuade Anthony from believing his one true love was out in the world somewhere, at least not until "one true love" number three. But before Anthony experienced how messy love could be, he had hope. He was willing to wait for his soul mate, and while Anthony waited, he read books. The kind of books one might be embarrassed to share, especially when one is male and expected to be a certain way.

Anthony's mother pretended not to notice her romance novels disappearances. She encouraged his hobby by frequently trading in old books for new ones and leaving them discreetly out in the open. She thought it was cute. His father did not. So, Anthony learned to keep his romantic notions to himself and act like a man .

When Anthony actually became a man, he quickly realised that fairy tales were just that, fairy tales. After meeting and loving soulmate after soulmate, well, he lost hope. Anthony was still too young to be bitter about love, but by age twenty-three, he'd had it. Anthony donated all of his romance novels to a library. The love between him and books, at least, was dependable. So although he didn't give up reading entirely, he did replace his love stories with stories about adventure, mystery, horror, religion, atheism, and textbooks.

It was no surprise to anyone that A.J. Crowley became one of the most influential book critics in the country. It was also no surprise that he also became a bitter, miserable arsehole. A bitter, miserable arsehole to anyone, even his plants. The only being on the planet who ever saw his soft side, was his nephew, Warlock.

Soft, little Anthony became the hardened, cold Crowley. Only family kept calling him Anthony, no one else was allowed. It was his conscious buffer against letting anyone get too close. His other shield was his sunglasses, which he wore about seventy-five per cent of the time.

He never wore them when alone, in his barren, grey flat, while watering his emotionally abused plants. He didn't wear them while watching telly on his sleek but uncomfortable sofa. Crowley especially did not wear them while chatting anonymously with the closest thing he'd call a friend; a fellow book lover online. The only other clever person in a book forum chock full of idiots. At age forty-two, Crowley was still a bachelor and the only truly meaningful relationships in his life were with his nephew and a username; @AngelCrepes75.

Dear @demoneyes666,

I'm afraid I disagree with you entirely. Romance novels, albeit not all or most of them nowadays, have a much more important role than to plant seeds of impossible expectations in people's heads. They can serve to teach people about healthy relationships, and show them what real love could be like. In a world so full of misfortune, sadness, and broken relationships, it is vital for us to have some hope. I believe romances–even the horribly predictable drivel that most consume–can help a person feel like they can carry on in this world. A promise of happily ever at the end of a book can truly have a powerful impact on mental and emotional health. Not to mention, romance novels have been a pivotal medium for feminists. Most romance authors are written by women, after all.

 Respectfully, @AngelCrepes75.

Crowley scoffed and shook his head fondly as he reread the message from Angel for the third time. They usually never disagreed regarding most things, but love, a higher power, and food? Always. For some reason, that never really bothered Crowley. Maybe it was because Angel was always so damn polite, even when being a complete snobbish bastard. Angel could hold their own, that was for sure, and Crowley respected people who stuck to their guns–no matter how wrong they were.

There were other replies to Angel's comment, but Crowley did not bother to read those. Their opinions didn't matter to him, and they all hated him for it, the dull sods.

Not for the first time, Crowley wondered if he should extend an invitation to meet in person. All he knew about Angel was that they lived in the UK. They were always carefully vague about everything else. But Crowley lived in London, and he would have been willing to make a short trip to meet the mysterious Angel.

Crowley's fingers hovered over the mousepad, hesitant to reply. Finally, he clicked on Angel's profile and then clicked on the private message button. He took a deep breath, and then his fingers typed out his message quickly.

Excerpt from The Bookshop Around the Corner ch.1

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun: Chapter 9 - The Young Exorcist (Part 1)

Previously: we’ve dealt with the confession tree, and Hanako and Yashiro filled my heart with feelings. It was a mostly light-hearted chapter, with a lot of funny moments but that last scene we had with them was very sweet and a solid foundation for their relationship to keep growing. I’m glad that we could see that even if Hanako does have a very teasing nature, he actually seems to genuinely care about Yashiro and he can be serious when he needs to be.

Now onto the next chapter!

Ohhhh okay it seems we are shifting the focus onto the Minamoto brothers with a flashback (I’m guessing the Minamoto-senpai Yashiro had a crush on is Kou’s older brother because same last name and they do look alike (fun fact: I mistoke them from one another when Kou was first introduced because of their looks and because we don’t know the older brother’s first name, but then I noticed they had different colour hair. I guess I would have been more confused if I hadn’t been watching the anime)

Anyway, the flashback. It seems to be set when senpai (I’m calling him that until we get a name) was eight years old and he’s fighting a....thing....that will probably haunt my nightmares at some point....but yeah, they ones overseeing him point out that he’s very skilled for his age but that also is to be expected of him. So I’m guessing he must be a very well regarded exorcist now if he was THAT talented when he was a child....which makes me wonder why he hasn’t done anything about the aparitions around the school. Is only Kou in charge of it?

Look at this baby. Look at him, my heart, he’s so cute. Kou is one year younger than Yashiro, right? and if Minamoto is a second year in hs (if I’m remembering correctly), then he should be six years old here, right? Smol bean

He jumps to hug his brother but senpai doesn’t seem happy that Kou followed him to his....training, I guess? Since he seems to be surpervised by a couple of men. And it makes sense, they’re both very young and things could go wrong, especially if no one know Kou is there 

And here we also see that Kou is very excited to follow up on his brothers footsteps and wants to be a great exorcist like his brother and it’s very on par with his attitude when we first met him and he tried to exorcise Hanako

But he then says “that’s what I always wanted, but...” and we cut next to him with his friends but looking back at Hanako in the hallway. And ah, the title for this week is “the young exorcist (part 1)”, so that means we’ll get a more Kou-centric chapter(s)? Exciting! That “but” and the cover page make me think that it’s very likely that he’s having doubts about the whole “beat all the supernaturals” thing since Hanako has been a pretty alright guy so far. If that’s the case, it could set up a good internal conflict for his character

This poor child is such a third wheel right now lol It’s okay, Kou, you’ll get used to their banter

But hey, it looks like Yashiro is trying to continue from where we left of last time when she decided she wanted to get to know Hanako better. Well, at least that’s what I think she’s trying to do with this compatibility horoscope

Okay, yeah, she’s definitely trying to get more information under the guise of the horoscope lol but Hanako doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. And I mean, it makes sense since I see him as someone who pretends to be carefree but doesn’t actually share important details about himself until he feels completely comfortable. After all the only reason we even know he killed someone is because Kou told us.

“If you wann do a compatibility horoscope, do it with one of your crushes. Like Minamoto-senpai or somebody” well, try not to sound so salty, mister

Kou is surprised by these news and Yashiro is saying that her crush on senpai is more akin to having a crush on an idol, someone you just admire from afar. And yeah, considerering how minimal their actual interactions were, and she realized that she doesn’t really know much about him besides what’s public knowledge

Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear lol He has the pretty boy sparkles and everything, huh? I can understand why Yashiro was so infatuated with him, he’s one handsome guy. Also if I was in this situation right now, I would crawl into a hole and die because that’s so embarrasing omg 

We have a name! Teru Minamoto, okay, easy to remember. We have upgrade from senpai to Teru. And he’s thanking Yashiro for being kind to Kou, awwww

oH. That...that doesn’t look good..........that smells like trouble. Also the change from sweet older brother figure to that cold look he threw towards Hanako was quick and a bit terrifying ngl

He’s pulled Kou aside and now they’re talking and he’s reminding him that if he encounters any of the seven mysteries, he should expel them immendiately but Kou doesn’t look too happy.

Ohhh okay, Teru says that they are aware of recent change in the supernaturals’ behaviou recently and that they hadn’t acted because they hadn’t put the students in danger before. And we know that’s true if we think about the mokke and how they said that they had been living in peace with the humans at the school for a long time until their story changed and they didn’t have another choice but to do as the rumors said

He also mentions that the seven mysteries are the most powerful and dangerous supernaturals in the school. Which makes sense, since Hanako mentioned that the seven are the ones controlling the seven boundaries between this world and the spirit world.

Here we seem to get a glimpse of some of the others, but most aren’t really distinguishable. We have Yakko and Hanako, then at the far left I think there’s some sort of mask, then there’s two silhouettes, and then we have what seems to be a girl holding something in her hands and then a mirror besides her.

But yeah, Teru says that since these seven are the most problematic, they should erradicate them first and foremost. Which, from a logical point of view makes sense but since we’re privy to their behaviour and we know that we could change things if we change the rumors, I want to say please do not exorcise my baby, he’s trying to keep the balance

And it seems Kou agrees with me. Hanako still pisses him off but he admits that the little sassy ghost has been really helpful (and he even protected Kou during their escapade to the Misaki Stairs despite saying he wouldn’t). Teru really seems to disagree, though, and

oH. Again. It really seems like Teru has his mind set about this. Like, I guess it make sense, we saw that they were trained from a young age and they are part of a legendary clan that has been exorcising spirits for generations, so the history probably doesn’t have much to say in favour of the apparitions

He also answers the question I had before about why it was just Kou going after the mysteries: apparently he had thought it would be a good way to let Kou grow as an exorcist but he now sees it had the opposite effect since he’s feeling sympathy for Hanako.

“I’m taking you off the seven mysteries case” that’s-that’s really not good if his glare to Hanako earlier is anything to go by. “I’ll clean up this mess” yiKES

Oh, okay, it seems like Kou managed to buy himself some more time before his brother intervenes. And yes, here’s the internal conflict I was hoping for

He knows what his duty is but he also has grown to care for not only Hanako but also (and especially) Yashiro. So there’s not only the fact that Hanako has been helpful but also the fact that Yashiro clearly cares a lot for the ghost since she protected him the first time they met. Kou seemed like a really sweet guy and all this just reinforces that notion.

Okay, so now has make it his mission to find evidence to prove to his brother that Hanako is not a bad supernatural. And it’s not a bad plan, since he would need to keep a close eye on Hanako either way, so it works in his favour.

I.....Hanako, sweetie, why-what-

Okay, he’s clearly collecting things with the help of the mokke and putting it in the big sack he’s carrying. But yeah, it really doesn’t help his case when Kou is trying to prove he’s not suspicious

Pfffft Kou really needs to work on his sneaking abilities since he almost got discovered by a teacher and immediately after that Hanako found him. Although Hanako probaly already knew he was being watched

Also

The ghost child really has no notion of personal space, huh? It’s not just Yashiro who has to deal with him all up in her face

I really love their dynamic, they’re so silly together 

Omg

Kou looks so distraugh here omg like “omfg please i’m trying to prove you’re a good guy why are you doing with all this stuff WH Y”

But Hanako is quick to point out that he’s actually collecting the things the mokke stole so he can give them back to the owners. And that this is happening because even though Yashiro changed the rumor, the mokke still feel the need to steal objects from people. And I hadn’t thought about it, but it makes sense since they’ve been doing it for so long and the rumor still technically says that they steal things from you even if now there’s a way to stop them from killing people

I just wanna head pat this cute child look at him.

Now Hanako is asking Kou to help him retrieve something that was stuck up in one of the towrs surrounding the school. My first question is why can’t Hanako float up there since he a ghost but it looks like Kou is asking the same thing and apparently he can’t float that high. Huh, okay. That kinda sucks and seems inconvenient but okay, good to know. 

And Hanako is apologizing for making him go through all this trouble but he insisted because the item seemed like it would be important for somebody. He seems honest and Kou is once again hit by the feeling that Hanako is not really a bad supernatural. And yeah, it’s like I said earlier: there’s probably not a good record of supernaturals doing good deeds and that’s what his family knows after generations spent fighting spirits. But Kou is hopeful that maybe his brother wasn’t totally right and that, as Hanako has been demostrating, good supernaturals can exist. 

OH

Oh no. While Hanako seems to have caught what they were looking for, he also slipped from Kou’s grasp and that’s not good....well...kinda. I mean, he’s a ghost, right? Like, this sounds horrible but he’s already dead, so he can’t get too hurt from this fall............right?

I feel like this chapter has been full of me just gushing about what a good boy Kou is and honestly? he is and I regret nothing

He’s so worried ahhhh  but Hanako is okay and they remembered that the ghost was in fact a ghost so risk no greater than a couple of ghost bruises

AHHHHH

Just. This whole page. It’s so precious. Look at them sharing a laugh together because they were being dummies and then Kou finding out that the thing Hanako was working so hard to get back because it looked important was his earring ahhhhhhh that’s so cute omg look at them!! I didn’t even noticed his earring was gone! (I checked again and he had it when the three of them were talking but it was already gone when he had his talk with Teru. I guess the mokke he had on his lap took it. That was a nice subtle detail)

Awww and he’s made his decision. He believes that Hanako is proof that there are good supernaturals so he won’t exorcise him. Hanako looks shocked and is asking him what made him change his mind since Kou had himself said that he was “the evil spirit of a murderer”. 

Kou says that he’s sorry because he didn’t know any better and that he’s sure that Hanako had his reason for what he did but-

...........He makes a fair point. Like, at this point we know very little about Hanako’s life and motives. The only fact that seems to be certain at this point is that he has killed someone when he was alive, but we don’t know any of the circumstances around it. He has had moments where he looked and acted with what appeared to be malice, like when he told Yashiro that crying wouldn’t solve anything, and when he pointed his knife at Kou during their first meeting and when he explained to them that scary experiences are the ones that stick in your memory the most. There’s been an underlying aura of danger in Hanako that’s impossible to ignore, there’s no denying that. But there’s still the fact that he has done everything in his power to protect Yashiro and now Kou in dangerous situations. So a part of me believes that there has to be a reasonable explanation for his actions; if we take the really angsty route I would guess that he did it as an act of self-defense or something like that. But yeah, “when is it right to kill someone?” is a very tricky question

............................ah. that underlying danger i mentioned? here it is again, back at full force.

But also the look on his eyes, while the swirls give off that crazy vibe, the wobbliness and his overall expression convey a very hopeless feeling, I don’t know, he just looks very distressed. To me it looks like he really doesn’t want to do this, but he also needs to prove his point to Kou

(ﾟдﾟ；)  (ﾟдﾟ；)  (ﾟдﾟ；)

Oh no  (ﾟдﾟ；)  (I stand corrected: I’ve spent only half of this chapter gushing about Kou, the other half I’ve been going “oh no” almost every time Teru appears)

And again: the quick switch from “pleasant charming” smile”to “I will destroy you” look is terrifying. This does not bode well oh man oh man next chapter is gonna be crazy and stressful

[blkholeinfinity]

My Good Omens Headcanon That No One Asked For

I’m not saying that anyone else’s headcanon are incorrect, or that anyone’s wrong for disagreeing with me! And honestly, just because these are my headcanon doesn’t mean I don’t accept other headcanon. Think of it as: if I was going to write Good Omens fanfic, these are the headcanon I’m going to roll with. If I’m enjoying fanworks or meta, anything goes, even/especially things that contradict my own headcanon.

And since the miniseries is burning stronger in my brainspace than the book atm, this is all relevant to the miniseries canon only.

Bonus Ineffable Bureaucracy headcanon at the end!

Ineffable Husbands Being Dumb About Their Feelings Headcanon

Crowley has been infatuated - not in love - with Aziraphale from the beginning. He didn’t realize his infatuation until Rome, and I can’t pinpoint when or where that infatuation turned into love since I believe it was a slow, gradual process. He definitely realized it before 1862, though, if not in 1862 the second Aziraphale said “fraternizing.”

For Aziraphale, he was fascinated with Crowley since the beginning. Maybe infatuated, too. He realized his infatuation a lot sooner, hence why he blatantly hit on Crowley in Rome (maybe realized it in Rome?), but then took a few giant steps back until sometime after 537 when he started making his way back to Crowley again, thus beginning his complicated feelings about his not-so-complicated feelings about Crowley. In other words, his brain was trying to convince himself that it was Not Personal, Purely Business, Just Friendship (But Not Officially), even if his heart was screaming at him otherwise. His infatuation grew into love over the centuries, but he didn’t realize it until, famously, 1941.

1967 was when they both realized that the other definitely felt the same way. Where Crowley was ready to take it to the next step at that moment, Aziraphale, well. WE ALL KNOW.

They finally stopped being dumb after the bus stop. They didn’t take things further than making out before they (Aziraphale) realized what Agnes’s prophecy meant, but they finally stopped being dumb about their feelings either on the way back from Tadfield or in Crowley’s flat.

Aziraphale was the one who had to stop being dumb first, and he absolutely was. He confessed first, he kissed Crowley first. They’d never make any progress otherwise.

General Aziraphale and Crowley Headcanon

I headcanon angels and demons having the power to speak whatever language they need to when on Earth, but Aziraphale and Crowley have been on Earth too long to remember this particular power in their arsenal. If they haven’t used it in the past, say, 100 years, they’ve forgotten the language completely.

Until they remember that they have this particular power. But don’t count on them coming to that realization on their own. 

Anyway, Aziraphale and Crowley both canonically know English in the present day, obviously, but they’ve retained some German and French from their WWII shenanigans. Crowley knows some Russian although he isn’t particularly good at it because he played around quite a bit during the Cold War, and Aziraphale is surprisingly fluent in Japanese. Because sushi.

Aziraphale is a damn good swordsangel.

Crowley tries to get Aziraphale to watch TV and movies by tailoring his recommendations to what he knows Aziraphale would like and sitting down with him to watch it. Because Crowley knows Aziraphale so well, it’s actually a successful endeavor... until Aziraphale tries to watch something on his own that wasn’t a Crowley Recommendation and Regrets Everything.

In turn, Aziraphale definitely drags Crowley to every single West End production at least once a month. Crowley complains but he doesn’t actually mind. He really does enjoy most of the shows.

Crowley was all about that rock-and-roll life in the 1980s. Mostly for the aesthetic, though.

Crowley would absolutely be a cat person, if cats were demon people. But cats and demons don’t mix. This makes him a little sad, but at least he always has his rats?

Aziraphale and Crowley’s Sexuality Headcanon

I headcanon them both as demiromantic, sex-neutral asexuals.

And by demiromantic I mean that Aziraphale is Crowley-romantic and Crowley is Aziraphale-romantic.

They both have had sex prior to each other for a variety of reasons, but mostly either out of curiosity or because their jobs.

The first time they had sex with each other was primarily out of curiosity, since this is what a lot of humans do when they’re in love so might as well see if it’s any different with each other than with others. They found that they rather enjoy it better with each other than with anyone else they’ve ever slept with, but still didn’t quite understand what the big deal was, but they continue to do it every few years or so.

But they love to make out and cuddle.

General Angel and Demon Headcanons

Most angels and demons don’t really... get... gender. They present the way that they do for a few different reasons, the most popular ones being either aesthetics or apathy (aka- they were given the bodies they were given and never really gave another thought to them).

Any angel or demon who has spent a considerable amount of time on Earth are the exceptions to the rule. Obviously this includes Aziraphale and Crowley, and they’re probably the only two who are the closest to getting it - not that any of them are playing by humanity’s gender rules. They’re still either going for aesthetics or convenience.

In other words, just because Aziraphale and Crowley understand how gender works by human standards doesn’t mean they abide by it. It’s like that meme: Aziraphale’s gender is “nah” and Crowley’s gender is “yes.”

When in Heaven or Hell, the angels and demons speak a celestial language. The demons have bastardize it since falling, but it’s still the same basic language, and none of it is a human language.

Bunny Demon/Eric/Disposable Demon has a sort of hero worship crush (not an actual crush) on Crowley. Sorry, you can pry this one from my cold, dead fingers.

In the Final-Final Battle, Aziraphale and Crowley won’t be the only angel/demon to go against Heaven and Hell for the sake of humanity. There are 10 million angels and 10 million demons, at least a handful of them are going to join them, but it’ll be a long, slow process.

Yes, Bunny Demon/Eric/Disposable Demon will still be the first one to join their side.

God Headcanons

God isn’t just a woman, but a genderfluid woman.

She’s utterly fond of Aziraphale, which is why she never punished him for giving away the flaming sword.

And yes, she definitely knows that he did that. She wasn’t angry, just Disappointed.

She’s the reason Aziraphale and Crowley were handed Agnes’s final prophecy. Come on, that piece of paper flew to Aziraphale’s hand just a little too purposefully.

Also she’ll never let Aziraphale fall because, again, she’s really fond of him. You can pry that one from my cold, dead fingers, too.

Not!Armageddon was absolutely planned the way that it was so she could get her ultimate revenge on Satan - by having his own son disavow him.

God’s plan is Ineffable mostly because she keeps changing her mind.

And also she’s the trolliest troll who ever trolled.

Anathema, Newt, and The Them Headcanons

Anathema stays in Tadfield and becomes a surrogate big sister to the Them, but especially to Adam. 

Newt also stays in Tadfield and has a more diverse relationship with the Them: Adam is indifferent, he and Wensleydale and Brian wind up getting along swimmingly, and Pepper straight up dislikes him.

Mrs. Young adores Anathema and Newt. Mr. Young, on the other hand, disapproves of them, but sees them as generally harmless enough to allow Adam to hang out with them. Not that Adam would stop even if Mr. Young tried to forbid it.

Pepper takes up swordfighting once she starts junior high/high school by taking classes at a local HEMA guild.

Dog lives forever.

The Four Horsepeople of the Apocalypse Headcanons

(Un)fortunately, War, Famine, and Pollution aren’t perma-dead. They come back and pick their lives up right where they left off.

These four are a Found Family.

I also ship them all together. OT4, ya’ll.

Pestilence is definitely THE anti-vax mom and is delighted that they might be coming out of retirement soon.

Not that Pollution intends to retire just because Pestilence is back.

But there’s always room for one more, is the Horsepeople’s opinion.

So now they are the Five Horsepeople of the Apocalypse. Fight them, God.

(God doesn’t care, this is all the humans’ doing anyway.)

And yes, the Them gets a fifth person to their crew to counter Pestilence. Probably someone aspiring to be a doctor. This is an accident, of course. Sort of. Adam can’t explain it, but his Antichrist senses were tingling...

Ineffable Bureaucracy Headcanons

Gabriel and Beelzebub were absolutely a Thing before Beelzebub fell, and their dynamic is more like an exhausted-but-still-angry-but-still-in-love divorced couple.

They start reuniting after Not!Armageddon, but it takes a few years for them to get there.

Gabriel is a sex-repulsed asexual (I do not sully my body...), where Beelzebub is a sex-neutral asexual. 

And they’re both demiromantic. By which I mean Gabriel is Beelzebub-romantic and Beelzebub is Gabriel-romantic. But they hate it. They didn’t use to hate it, but then Beelzebub fell and things got messy and complicated and things were said that cannot be unsaid.

Gabriel uses ‘he’ pronouns (which I think is canon anyway?) where Beelzebub doesn’t care what pronouns you use for them. (Personally, I love ‘ze/they/her’ for Beelzebub, but I don’t think zey care.)

Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s brains broke when they discovered that Gabriel and Beelzebub are a couple now and they still haven’t fully recovered.