#Endreal writes

[endreal]

Hi my name is Stetson Tex'as Yeehaw Alamo Wayne and I have tall ebony black hats (that's how I got my name) with purple hatbands and red tassle that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Jesse James (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to John Wayne but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a cowboy but my iron is big and on my hip. I have pale white skin. I'm also a buckeroo, and I go to a magic rodeo called Hogropes in Bandera where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a Johnny Cash fan (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Boot Barn and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black vest with matching tassels around it and a black leather chaps, pink holsters and black cowboy boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogropes. It was dust storm and drought so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of cattle rustlers stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

[quannaix]

@endreal tagged me like 400 years ago for this and I'm finally doing it. I'm a serial re-reader/re-watcher, so anything I've already read/watched and I enjoyed enough to go again can be a comfort watch/read, but this will just be my top go-tos

Comfort Book Anne of Green Gables, Great Gatsby, Name of the Wind, Anna Godberson's Luxe series. There's some stuff I've read in the last few years that will probably become comfort books too once I have time to re-re-re-read them, like the Gentleman Bastard series

Comfort Movie Easy A and Devil Wears Prada for when I'm sick/hungover, and Summer Wars and Wolf Children for when I'm sad/desparing/struck with ennui/suffering from the season being wrong/etc.

Comfort TV show Friends (I know I know, but it's too late I watched it at the age that now it's in my DNA forever)

Okay I can't remember who got tagged a century ago so I'm tagging @firstruleofmethclub @cryptheks @moss-wizard @wookieeoftheyear @thedreadpiratematt @tromboneralert if any of y'all feel like writing little lists.

[rustbeltjessie]

POV: I’m sitting out in my backyard, writing, and you’re my tablet.

Anyway, @endreal tagged me a couple days ago to post a selfie, so here it is! I’m not tagging anyone specific this time, but if you have a face I’d love to see it!

[van-goghs-smoking-skull]

WIP Game!

Thank you @osirisiii-bc for tagging me!

Rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

After various pauses I recently started to write full time again so perfect timing for this. Here are my WIPs with actual doc names:

Fics (some lean fanfic, but I'm pretty much getting away from that for the most part - too much drama in the past):

Dream Cycle

Tangent (my OCs - used to be SPG related but now I'm writing all of that out)

A Toast to Hell (Fragments) (my OCs - some are Ghost or The Angel of Pain inspired; and mentions of @venlycat's OCs)

and 2 more unpublished WIPs

Arts:

None atm (sorry, it takes time to get my life back in enough order to get all my old hobbies rolling again)

I’ll tag @venlycat, @awesome--fangirl, @lupinedreaming, @endreal, @dibremembers and anyone else I know but didn't tag

[razorsadness]

a journal entry comprised entirely of excerpts from letters & postcards written to friends

(@belialjones and @endreal - don't peek if you don't want spoilers!)

I remember in one of the letters you sent me, you asked what my current inspirations are, and even though they've changed since then, I thought I'd reply. What's inspiring me right now is: the photography of Nan Goldin, the art of Tracey Emin, the novels of William T. Vollmann, John Waters and David Lynch films, and the poetry of Cynthia Cruz, Forough Farrokhzad, and Alexis Rhone Fancher.

I'm currently on a little vacation with my family, up on the peninsula of Wisco. I've been reading a lot and hiking in the woods and going to the beach.

...

My vacation has been great. I've been reading poetry & eating pizza & watching the Perseids meteor showers.

...

I accidentally broke my own heart the other day. I had my 'on repeat' playlist on shuffle and what songs played back to back? Paul Westerberg's "Got You Down," followed by R.E.M.'s "Nightswimming." Fucking oof.

In general, I've been going thru a bout of nostalgic melancholy. What else is new? Haha, but really though. You know, I'm writing about all this stuff for RC #27, and reminiscing about one era of my life inevitably turns into reminiscing about others. And then I was up in Door County, driving down old familiar roads, listening to old familiar tunes, and remembering driving those same roads, listening to those same tunes, getting stoned with my friends circa 1997-2003, and I don't even miss getting stoned but I do miss those friends. I try to have a positive attitude about things changing, but I still get sad driving past places and thinking about what's gone—and more than that, who's gone. And I was thinking about the summer of 2013. And then I was thinking about the summer of 2012 and how that summer I was all nostalgic for the summer of 2006 and how it seemed impossibly far in the past, and then timeghost showed up and was like: "Oooo...2012 was closer to 2006 than it is to nowww, ooo..."

I realized that my whole life, I've been trying to get back to this mythic Perfect Summer that didn't really exist. Right now, I'm missing 2013 & 2012. In 2012, I wished it was '06. In '06, I wanted '03. In '03, I wanted '00; in '00, I wished it was '97, and on and on.

Other than that, I've been having feelings about small towns and Americana. It's kinda weird. On the one hand, I'm a deviant radical queer artist. On the other hand, I love so much Americana. But I think you get it.

...

I've been having hella zine/zinester nostalgia. Next year marks 30 years that I've been making zines. I'm thinking about putting a book together of the best stuff from my first 30 years of zines, and then having a release party w/ local bands n' stuff.

I've been particularly nostalgic for the early '00s Chicago zine scene. I'll never forget that time you and I went to Kinko's late at night to make Xerox art. 22 years ago, what the fuck? I also recently found my Loop Distro/Al Burian Totally Wants My Ass shirt. Oh man.

Recently I was having a bit of an identity crisis. See, I've always thought of myself as someone who gets crushes easily, and as a slut (in spirit, if not always in practice—meaning, even in a monogamous relationship I still have the desire to fuck lotsa people even if I don't act on it). But for a while I hadn't gotten a proper crush on anyone, and didn't really even think about hooking up w/ anyone but my partner. And it was weird! I was like, who am I, if I'm no longer the totally crushed out slut? But then after that, I had a couple sexy online convos w/ queer cuties, and got my flirt on IRL w/ a punk rock fella who lives in my neighborhood, a Scottish fiddle player, and a gorgeous redhead girl w/ a tattoo of a fox, and I was like: Oh. Guess I'm still slutty and crushed out, after all.

[splend-42]

The Famous Proust Questionnaire

Tagged by @ilovepostitnotes

What is your idea of perfect happiness? Curled up somewhere comfy, reading a book/watching something, with people I love and peace & quiet.

What is your most marked characteristic? Probably my goofy humour.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Survival. I'm still here despite constant self-sabotage and various hardships.

What is your greatest fear? Spiders. Drowning. Rejection. Being unloved. Take your pick.

What historical figure do you most identify with? I can't think of any, tbf.

Which living person do you most admire? I guess Jacinda Arden, PM of New Zealand. She appears to be an incredibly rare type of person: a high-level politician with a soul and a conscience.

Who are your heroes in real life? I try not to have heroes, they can so easily disappoint you by being, you know, actual people with flaws and stuff.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My mental illness. It's exhausting having to fight your own psyche every day just to get things done, and to fight for every scrap of dopamine and self-worth.

What is the trait you most deplore in others? Selfishness. Nastiness. Bigotry.

What is your favorite journey? I really enjoyed a trip to Bruges I took once.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Chastity. Safe, sane and consensual: knock yourselves out.

Which word or phrases do you most overuse? “I'm tired.” When I'm tired, you'll hear about it.

What is your greatest regret? Oh god this is tough, I regret a lot of things. I'm going to go with regretting that I didn't commit to writing sooner, especially scripts. Of course, there was undiagnosed ADHD & the rest of it to contend with...

What is your current state of mind? Better than I have been in the last couple of months, but still not great.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? Ooft. Another complicated one. Too complicated, in fact. I'll settle for the easiest bit: I would have my Mum back and cured of the COPD that took her.

What is your most treasured possession? Maybe my Castle Greyskull. Spousal unit and metamour bought it for me (and Snake Mountain!) when I was having a bad time, because I'd had to sell mine off with all the rest of my toys as a kid.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Crying myself to sleep, wishing I had the courage to kill myself but knowing I could never and that, to my broken brain, it meant the suffering would never end. Whee.

Where would you like to live? Somewhere on the Mediterranian coast. All the Med countries have the best food, and also siestas. Maybe, er, maybe not Israel though.

What is your favorite occupation? If I can actually consistently get paid for it, then the one I have: being a writer. Getting paid is proving to be tricky, though.

What is the quality you most like in a man? Compassion.

What is the quality you most like in a woman? Compassion.

What are your favorite names? I've always been fond of Yasmine.

What is your motto? My gaming motto is "you got there once, you can get there again" for when I beat a tricky bit and then die shortly afterwards. I guess it applies in life too - when failure or a setback follows a success, it doesn't erase the success, and you can do it again.

I tag @silversunsky @endreal @grimsauce @suppuration @fullcuntact @zombiearmadillo @zombearzilla @sisterquill @thusthusthus and anyone else who'd like to share, but no pressure as always <3

[taran-wanderer]

🧯Emoji fantasy city meme!

Welcome to Tannisbrook, home of the Aligned States’ premier firefighting academy! Built next to the river Tryst, the city originally was home to a disproportionate number of lumber mills, but after the primarily wood-structured town burned down the second time, the residents began to utilize the prolific clay deposits from nearby Schottinger’s Cove to build solid brick houses. Within the century,  the invention of portable pump technology allowed them to return to their wooden roots, this time setting their wooden structures on a brick foundation. The first fire station was a repurposed brick structure near the center of the city, and the first firefighters were those who still remembered the Second Great Fire. As firefighting technology and theory improved, those firefighters realized the importance of passing down their knowledge to the next generations, and with a grant from the city they were able to open a school specifically to train those who wanted to be firefighters. It is now tradition that the Tannisbrook firefighters retire at an early age to go teach at the Academy, and residents of the AS come from all over to learn there. It’s projected that the academy will expand into other subjects within the next twenty years, and the small town originally known for lumber and clay exports will become a hub of knowledge for the entire state of Teria.

[herbertwest]

Read my fortune please?

The cards have been shuffled, and I have drawn

THE TWO OF TELEPHONES

You know everyone, you know everything

Static dances around you and you know what it means

You can talk to the mysterious entities that make silent phone calls, hanging up without saying a word

[transette]

Tagged by @lokabrenna ! Thanks!

Rules: answer the questions and then tag 20 people or whoever you wanna get to know better

Nickname(s): Nik, Lulu, and Loons (although I also have 30 alternative names) (Nik is only used by my coworkers, Lulu by my gf, and Loons by my ttrpg group)

Pronouns: she/her, they/them, fae/faer

Star sign: Pieces

Height: 6' 2" I'm very tall

Current time: 11:45 AM EDT

Birthday: February 26th (I was born on a new moon near midnight in the middle of a thunderstorm on the day of a total solar eclipse over most of the world, hence my header "a child of pure darkness")

Fav band/group: Caravan Palace

Fav solo artist: Look Mum No Computer

Last movie you watched: Some like it hot!

Last show you binged: The Mandalorian (I don't watch too much tv, mainly YouTube)

When you made your blog: I made this blog in 2018 right after I came out, but I've been on tumblr in different guises since around 2014 (those old blogs are gone)

Last thing you googled: how to make a Cuban sandwich (they are soooo good!)

Why you chose your url: well because I like how the name sounds, and how it can be interpreted, but really I got it because of the fact that I'm one of 3 experts in the world on a failed 1970s transit system experment called the Transette (I'm currently looking to buy the last remaining piece of the system so I can properly preserve it) (here's an article I helped write about it, https://www.train-museum.org/2018/04/01/equipment-spotlight-transette/ )

Do you get asks: not very often

How many people do you follow: 666😈

How many people follow you: 3,995, although probably only 1,000 are real people, and only like 500 are still active, and 50 actually interact with my posts (I love all 50 of you!)

What you're wearing right now: short sleeve denim button down shirt, and grease stained fraying overalls, my work uniform for the railroad I work on

Fav food: Oh that's a tough one, probably pizza or hamburgers, but I also love Chinese and Mexican food (proper versions of each)

Fav song: oh I have a bunch! Midnight, April, Lone Digger by caravan palace, Desparado Vespa, and Waiting for the world to end by Look Mum No Computer, Submarines and Ophelia by the Lumineers, Serotonin by girl in red, Arabella by Arctic Monkeys (my middle name partially comes from that song), Take me to church by Hozier, and Ain't no rest for the wicked by Cage the Elephant, and a bunch more! (I literally have an 11 hour spotify playlist of all my favorite songs!)

I'll tag @vaguelyethereal , @endreal , @julia1x5, @eleanorwantsmoreclothes and @endless-pterodactyl-screeching, @isteppedonacookie and anyone else who wants to do it, you can say I tagged you!

[theinsidiousdice]

@endreal said:

Compose a poem?

(can’t use line breaks when replying to an ask, unfortunately, so here we go:)

The sun rose

on a girl with flowers in her hair

who wanted nothing more

than time

The torrid air

heavy and laden with the past

crashed and swept around her

almost suffocating

The die cast

illuminating her future for her

but still she thought

there hadn’t been

enough

time

[100percentdirtball]

2900 words and i managed to cram in two japanther references, an attic abasement reference, a fine print reference, a b!tmi reference, a susanne sondfør reference, a tiktok reference, a reference to that robert anton wilson quote about never meeting anyone who wasn’t deranged by grief, quoting three of my own tweets, satisfy @endreal‘s very reasonable request for a hot nb side character, and make a joke about trans girls naming themselves zoe. truly my magnum opus this is why i shouldn't be allowed to write short fiction

[endreal]

Bring milk! Bring milk! It is cheesemaking day!

What do you mean the larder's bare? What, how?

Go to the ranch and bak'ry up the way

And whilst it liks the bred, James, milk that cow.

A bucket's worth of milk is fine, I swear,

With just enough left o'er to spoil the cat.

The hole in the bucket has been repaired

Dear Liza gets the thanks for fixing that.

The cheesecloth is, well, very unlike silk

But pots are washed and spoons and ladles clean.

When James and Liza return with the milk

At last we'll have what we need to begin.

...The rennet's gone and no more to be had?

Ugh, fuck it lads we'll use sonnet instead.

[ahnsael]

endreal replied to your link: The Misadventures of Captain EO - Part Two

Isn’t Captain EO the Michael Jackson short? A very brief romantic interest introduced me to it - it was a big feature in our first and only good date (along with a Daft Punk album)

It is! Its awful writing and complete lack of character development (WHY would Hooter eat a map?) aren’t enough to keep it from being one of my favorite films of all time. And though it’s gone from Disney parks and never been made commercially available, it IS on YouTube.

Also don’t miss the thrilling Disney live-action remake, Captain Eeyore (not actually an official Disney production, but it was done by cast members at Disneyland to pay homage to EO).

[rustbeltjessie]

Thanks to @endreal for tagging me!

relationship status: Married to my love.

favorite color: Oooh, I love so many colors. I mostly wear black and gray, though those aren’t necessarily my favorites. I really really adore gold-y, mustard-y, saffron-y shades of yellow. And dark blues and greens.

three favorite foods: Cacio e pepe, fish tacos (specifically the swordfish tacos I had at this place in Newport Beach one time that I have never stopped thinking about since), or chicken tagine with apricots.

song stuck in my head: X - “The World’s a Mess, It’s in My Kiss”

dream trip: Berlin, Ireland, Morocco, or just a big cross-US roadtrip where I visit all the places I’ve never visited before and a bunch of the ones I already know and love.

time: 6:46 p.m.

anything I really want rn: More time to write, more time with my friends, a reliable source of income, more sex.

last song: I was listening to the radio a bit ago, but don’t remember the last song that played.

last movie: I think the last movie I watched all the way through was Glass Onion.

currently watching: Making my way through season 7 of Queer Eye.

currently reading: Juno Loves Legs (can’t remember the author off the top of my head), plus a few zines.

currently craving: Dinner. And sex.

I’m not tagging anyone specifically, but I’ll shadow-tag all my mutuals. If you wanna play, please do!

[van-goghs-smoking-skull]

I was tagged by @endreal Thank you!

Last song listened to: Sol Invictus - The Wild Hunt - Something Grim This Way Comes (no lyrics is perfect writing music)

Favorite color: Mostly black, but I do love greens and maybe someday I'll find my Green Place.

Currently watching: Between shows, actually, as I finally got to watch GO2, but I have yet to start the new season of OFMD.

Last movie: Nimona apparently, but Netflix is dropping Reservoir Dogs, which I haven't seen, so that will change soon so I don't permanently miss out on yet another movie.

Currently reading: I have a few books I'm planning on reading, but I'm on a roll writing, so I'm going to ride that wave as long as I can.

sweet/spicy/savory: Spicy, as in raw-ghost-peppers-all-by-themselves-are-a-good-snack spicy.

relationship status: Married for about 25 years now.

current obsessions: Old clothes, or at least new clothes made to look like old clothes, not in a ripped jeans kinda way, but in an 1800's kinda way. (And ofc spooky season, so basically similar enough to my old 1990's goth outfits)

last thing i googled: Corset repair (my mutuals likely already saw the blog post)

currently working on: A new writing WIP, but I may just try publishing a bit of it for free and post a bit more periodically if I ever set up an account for getting paid online and maybe a Patreon account … maybe. Everything else is either saved somewhere in the bottomless file pit of Google Docs or as a local file or on AO3, so why not try something different with this one?

I’ll tag @dreary-giraffe, @bangitsbing, @venlycat, @archerofchaos, @awesome--fangirl, @lupinedreaming, @jengabones, @t4tnemo, @p3rson27, @deez-no-relation, and @vinceaddams - but don’t feel obligated. And if I didn’t tag you and you want to play, consider yourself shadow-tagged!

[violet-dragongirl]

pass the happy! 🌻🌈 when you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications!

I just want to say first of all I do like this (these. I have received more than one at any given time in my life) because there's no curse. No ultimatum, no Or Have Something Bad Happen If You Don't. These are good.

Anywho, I'll rank them because why not.

5. Talking about my OCs

Well yes I do because I created them for one. But also because they're changing with me and it's one of the few things that still keep me connected to my own creativity despite what's going on that's keeping me away from it.

4. Ambient music in games that just make you feel so good inside

Like I could name a whole load of them but one of the most memorable ones is the title music in Hyper Light Drifter.

Like I could sit there and just have that play out and repeat and my mind goes bonkers. The images in my head go from like cute stuff to just really mesmerizing abstract stuff and like it generally puts me in a good mood.

Another example is the Deus Ex Human Evolution Soundtrack, but let's just focus on the Title screen again 😅🤣

That brings in more...like awe and wonder kinds of images??? Like landscape/city scapes with beautiful colors and just all futuristic but also yes has great balance of flits of nature here and there. Or like images of discovery and transcendence but warm and reassuring, than cold and somber.

3. Seeing heavy machinery just...work.

Like okay, the appeal of seeing robots or just machines in general in action astonishes me.

Like there was this one heavy press machine that makes the bottom of the chassis for cars that amazed me because seeing something so massive and loud do something so simple like pressing a metal sheet down...like I could just be around machines, seeing each part move all day and feel good.

2. Friend's/Mutual's Artworks

Simply put, seeing artwork from my friends/mutuals is so heartwarming. Especially if it's outside of my expertise/interests!

There's really nothing else to add because yeah, it's that simply wholesome.

💞🎆🎉 1. Seeing chain mail and posts without ultimatums or curses makes me have faith in humanity! 🎉🎆💞

Like this ask :D

Because there's already enough evil/curses in the world to last for aeons. And why spread that shit around to people who honestly don't even deserve it??? Why? I could probably write an entire book about how entirely fucked it is to see that (for my entire net life I've seen so much that it's just so...

🤢

And the thing is that, no I'm not all into making chain mail and chain posts (my brain thinks it's too much work??? Why...I dunno) So seeing just posts that are like, Happiness Here! Spread Around If You Wish! is something that I find that makes me feel happy.

Thanks for sending the ask @agayworthfightingfor!

As far as sending this to the last 10 people in my activity...ah well I say anyone of my mutuals and friends can!

Ah what the hay, is it alright if I just tag them?

@adrawrable @playingwithroles @itjustfeels @endreal @gay-space-stuff @gendertruckery @yuutfa @trunkten @spaffy-jimble @lessfaiththanimplied