#Enjoy your sexyman

[mintaikk]

Analyzing Tumblr Sexymen so people understand why they're simping over a nonhuman monster, Black Hat from Villainous/Villanos addition!

Part 1, Prev, Next

[blue-jester]

I see so many cool meta knight gijinkas that would be super cool if they weren't meta knight gijinkas

[stizzysupremacy]

Izzy haters would largely not think as badly of Izzy as they do if he was played by a younger guy with generically-handsome-tv-star good looks. his actions would not be so irredeemable to them. They’d be talking about a love triangle instead of izzy “getting in the way” of the canon ship.

[sapphoshands]

i have absolutely no feelings about night vale but if i have to see that post about how no one had EVER put ANYTHING queer in POPULAR MEDIA before twenty FUCKING twelve again i really will not be responsible for my actions.

[problematicfavecompetition]

All right I haven't started working on brackets since submissions will be open through tomorrow but I'm working on organizing submissions and tallying up votes, and I've come across a question for all you lovely Problematique fans

[trans-estinien]

Sometimes I feel like doing this with my brain

[semisomni]

The death of jane lawrence is a book about how i can fix him disease can be deadly

[guitar-anon]

tumblr why do u hate me

[ckret2]

Why do you ship billford? i want to hear all ur handcanons and reasons hehehe

ALL of them? My friend I do not think you comprehend the magnitude of the task you have requested. I can tell you some of them.

Here's a post I already wrote listing why I like them, and here's a post about what Ford thinks about Bill, and I just made a post about what Bill thinks about Ford because I've had it typed up on discord for ages and decided it needs its own post.

So, some headcanons:

⭐️ While most people who ship it headcanon that they had a romantic relationship of some kind pre-betrayal, my default headcanon is that they DIDN'T have a relationship—mainly because I enjoy making Bill, specifically, miserable, and I like headcanoning that Ford violently lost interest in Bill at the EXACT moment Bill developed a sincere interest in Ford.

Meaning that Bill "LOOKS LIKE MR. BRAINIAC FINALLY GOT SMART" Cipher destroyed his own chances five seconds before going "no no wait I actually want to keep this one," and that's SO funny. I made a graph!

⭐️ From Lost Legends we know that Ford used to date a siren. In the original Greek mythology, sirens didn't woo sailors by singing prettily; sirens offered knowledge about distant and future events. Sailors wrecked their ship upon the sirens' shores and starved to death at their feet just to listen to them sing about the secrets of the universe.

What I'm saying is: Ford has a type.

⭐️ This is a mutual monsterfucker 4 monsterfucker relationship. They look at each other and go "wow you're such a weird-looking alien" and they're attracted to each other BECAUSE of that, not in spite of that. I don't want any of this "oh how could I be drawn to something so strange..." shame out of Ford, as far as I'm concerned his first crush was Mothra, a floating triangle is nothing.

⭐️ Consequently, this means that if you take an AU where Bill gets stuffed in a human body, rather than making things easier, it ironically means that any PHYSICAL attraction Ford had for Bill instantly evaporates. A humanized Bill could be the sexiest damn thing in the room and everyone else in the vicinity is going 🥵💦 but Ford's going 😐. If they hook up with Bill in a human body it's in spite of Bill's current appearance and it's because Ford knows that, underneath the body, Bill's still Bill. You could hand Ford a perfect Tumblr Sexyman supermodel and he'll be fantasizing about a three-tiered pyramid with more teeth than a shark.

⭐️ Bill WILL play Dungeons Dungeons & More Dungeons with Ford, voluntarily, for fun. However he always wants to DM and he's brutal.

⭐️ I think that the majority of the Henchmaniacs used to be like Ford: young, naive, USEFUL aliens that Bill was trying to manipulate into getting access to their universes, probably by trying to get THEM to build portals. None succeeded, but they got far enough along that either they chose to join Bill, they were forced to flee their dimension and join Bill—or, due to Bill, their home no longer existed, so they might as well join him. I think that every one of them was once his ✨favorite✨ person. I think he sealed the deal in winning their friendship & loyalty with a calculated, scripted display of vulnerability—the exact same one he tried to use on Ford: I liberated my constricting, flat world; I want to liberate yours...

He may have dated some of them, too, especially right after they joined. Because he wouldn't have recruited them unless he thought they were JUST ♥ LIKE ♥ HIM. They're special, they're important...

... and after a few years, Bill realizes they're not that much like him after all and loses interest, and they sink down into the rank-and-file with the rest of the Henchmaniacs. The Henchmaniacs are FULL of people who were once Bill's Favorite—his best friends, his confidants, his lovers—and most of them are desperate to catch his eye and be that important to him again. They gave everything they had to Bill only for Bill to get bored.

So when he shows off the human who enabled Weirdmageddon and invites him to join the gang, they know EXACTLY what they're looking at: Bill's newest favorite. They know how this goes, he'll be gaga over this earthling for the next 5 to 500 years and then Ford will be just another regular Henchmaniac. The fact that Ford doesn't seem eager to join is no problem. Ford isn't the only soon-to-be Henchmaniac whose world Bill ended; some of them had to be talked around into joining, too.

⭐️ I think that, if you took Bill with his canon personality, didn't give him any character development, and then made him GENUINELY fall in love with Ford, and had him SINCERELY try his hardest to be a good, loving, healthy partner... he would still be toxic as hell for Ford.

Part of what draws Bill to Ford is that he sees SO much of himself in Ford—some accurate, some just projection. (You who crave power and fame and fortune like I do; you who also hunger to be all-knowing; you who would also sacrifice your world and your family and everyone you know and love to get what you want; you with an ego the size of the moon, oh, you deserve an ego the size of a star.) And so he assumes that what Ford really wants is what BILL would want in Ford's shoes.

And if Bill was Ford, what he'd want is to REALLY be the man who changed the world. Bill thinks he's fulfilling all Ford's wildest dreams if he gives that to him. Naming Ford the orchestrator of Weirdmageddon is the most generous gift Bill could ever offer.

Even if Bill is Really Really Trying and accepts that okay Ford doesn't want his world invaded: his idea of showing Ford love will be pulling the strings to get Ford fame & fortune. Teach him secrets of the universe that he can publish in a dozen groundbreaking scientific papers, arrange meetings with politicians and celebrities, get him a Nobel, get him an Oscar-winning bio pic, get him a billion dollars, get him EVERYTHING Ford's ever imagined as a marker of success and then double it.

When Bill's manipulating Ford, he offers praise and approval in little drops periodically leaking from the faucet, to keep Ford thirsty for more. When Bill's LOVING Ford, he just breaks the fire hydrant and lets it flood the street.

But the thing is, that's not good for Ford. That'll never make him truly happy. Ford's only ever learned how to measure his success by external markers, but the more external markers he collects the more he'll feel like he hasn't Made It yet. It's even possible that knowing Bill's helped him get this far will make him feel like he hasn't really EARNED it. He could have the whole world handed to him and he'll feel just as dissatisfied as he was on the day he first summoned Bill.

And Bill, even if he's trying his HARDEST to do this right, wouldn't be able to understand why this isn't working. A trillion years old and the only way he knows how to show love (or to receive love) is by showering someone in praise and gifts and favors. If that doesn't work, he doesn't know what's left.

[meanbossart]

I appreciate how you write Astarion so, SO much. I feel like way too many fic writers infantilize him to a point where I honestly start wondering if I'm the one who misinterpreted him so badly.

I'd love to know more about what you think of his character and his arc. Personally I saw him and immediately went "oh god this guy is gonna be the irritating tumblr sexyman of the year🙄" and it took me until Araj basically to warm up to him. What were your initial thoughts and did they change much while playing the game?

OH thank you so much!!! That's a shame if it's the case, and a little surprising to me, to be honest! While he's definitely written be an aloof jerk a lot of the time, I always found him to be surprisingly mature and introspective whenever he's not dishing out witty remarks. He comes off to me as the kind of person who learned to benefit from seeming dumber than he actually is, overall.

HAHA I had a VERY similar experience, not just towards Astarion but all the characters, really (I really disliked Shadowheart at the beginning, too). I had only seen pictures of him and pretty much expected a vapid character that was being carried to stardom because of a talented VA - and because people go nuts for anne rice style vampires lol.

While I was definitely enjoying his voice lines from the start (Again kudos to Neil) I definitely wasn't expecting much else. He piqued my interest after so devastatingly turning my character down at the tiefling party without me even having inquired, and that's when I, the gamer, was like "well, alright, I GOTTA fuck this guy now" (this is also where DU drow's personality began to come out as you can probably guess)

Obviously, if you have two neurons to rub together you can gather pretty quickly that he's not trying to woo you because you're so interesting and wonderful, so I started getting curious! With that dynamic being so different from what you usually expect of romances in these types of games, plus the charming way in which he is written, I started being won over.

I think what really did it was how gradually his attitude changed when responding to new, mostly trivial dialogue options and doing his greetings as you earned his trust, and ESPECIALLY with how he responds to your tav when you express any kind of fear or insecurity during his romance - which was with a lot of sincerity and confidence in his resolve to support you, and in you as a person, a complete 180 from his usual front - Which, again, makes me all the more surprised to hear that he's often painted with such an immature brush.

And obviously he has a DEEPLY ugly side to him (if you've read ANE, hopefully it's clear that I know this, and that I like to explore it just as much as anything else lmao) but it's very interesting to me how it seem to always come in the form of outbursts, rather than a constant evil-streak, usually followed by a glimpse of self-awareness. It feels very much in line with someone who's actually making a great deal of effort to manage their RAMPANT emotions and going through a lot of internal conflict in the process.

GAH. Yeah if you can't tell by this friggin' thesis I just wrote, I love the way they wrote this character a lot and I was definitely proven PROFOUNDLY wrong in my first impression of him - which, if that's not irony at it's finest I don't know what is.

And as an aside! I also very much appreciate that he's a "queer" coded character who's effeminate (in the Old Homo kind of way, but I digress) and flamboyant, but taken Dead Fucking Seriously. With as much progress as we've made in LGBT rep in media, I still often feel like gay men will only get that kind of treatment for as long as they "Aren't That Gay" (I know Astarion doesn't have a set sexuality - But lets not mince words: stereotypes exist, and he fits into most of them) and as a thin-wristed gay guy who's a little too found of linen shirts, I can honestly say that experiencing a character like that helped me with my own confidence.

[mspaintbrush]

Hello tumblr, your sexyman (-robot??) finally got his ref!!

Find it here:

confused? check out the main post!

Current progress: 15/39 heroes

(@magpiecrown here you go enjoy the angry robot man)

[randomalistic]

hi okay. hi I'm not even done with your king candy / turbo analysis yet but it made the cogs turn in my head so much already you don't get it. thank you so much for making such a well crafted video it's inspired me to press turbo and bill cipher together like dolls to make them kiss.

LOLLLL??? MAKE THOSE MANIACAL LOSERS KISS !!!!!!!! 2013 SEXYMAN CROSSOVER NOW!!!! Hold on

ALSO ENJOY THE REST OF IT EHEHE

I hope you’re happy.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I’m gonna be honest I don’t understand how people can be hazbin hotel fans and just know everything vivziepop has done and dont care or they choose to pretend they dont know so they dont have to feel guilty about it. Shocking news, you can be INCREDIBLY critical of media you enjoy parts of. I enjoy parts of this show but I’m not going to go buy shit to watch it and support some random lady using a closed religion to make her tumblr sexyman character look “scary”.

I saw someone say vivziepop misgendering someone (allegedly on accident) after getting mad, was a “nothing sandwich” which 1. No the fuck it aint. And also 2. Are you actually off your rocker nuts. I don’t give a fuck if it was an accident heat of the moment thing. Sure you can apologise for that, not me who you misgendered so I cant accept it, but misgendering anyone is never a “nothing sandwich”. Same guy also said that vivzie demonising and appropriating vodou was okay because “Alastor can do it” That… doesn’t fucking matter? VIVZIE can’t practice vodou and neither can her weird red suited deer man, sorry to burst your bubble.

I think everyone thats scrolled even a few inches on my blog (cause really thats all I have) can tell I like Angel Dust. Lots of people like Angel Dust. But apparently half of those people can’t comprehend you can dislike aspects of a character while liking other ones. I mean this directed toward fans by the way. Id sure as hell prefer if he wasn’t fucking fetishised for being a gay man but its vivziepop so literally what can I expect from the lady that makes merch glorifying his abuse. “Yes vivzie! Id love to purchase merch of a traumatic situation ive also been in! Thank you so much for making it look pretty!” I will literally eat glass and drink battery acid before any of this shit actually comes outta my mouth.

It’s so fucking weird how her spin-off show has better representation, humour, writing, and more than her actual main show. Im super glad Helluva Boss is good. Im glad there isn’t any stupid racist representations in there or overly fetishised gay men. Fizzaroli and Ozzie are a cute couple thats written very nicely but even they have elements of vivziepops unsavoury interests that you can see sometimes, but oh my god. Put some of that care into your MAIN show. I am holding out so much hope that vivzie continues the good writing of episodes 7 & 8 so much I am not going to stop noting that, but I am also fully ready to crash and burn from those hopes and that is so fucking disappointing.

[splatoon-confession-box]

i fucking adore cdr tartar it legit does not get enough genuine appreciation in this fandom. look past the sexyman jokes look past what the NoA translations tell you and set aside the 'if i like them they have to be redeemed' idea in your head to truly enjoy this character who by all measures absolutely sucks shit as a person (...phone). read haikara walker and fantranslations of oe and ponder its past ponder its motives ponder its grand irony in the face of what we now know from alterna. it makes me very happy seeing it get more popular as splatoon in general gains popularity if you enjoy designs of it gijinka'd this is your sign to dive into the kamabo co trenches for real. think about phone my final message goot bye

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

Submas Fandom Positivity Poll!

Enough negativity, I wanna see people talking about what they love most about this fandom!! :D There are some wonderful people here who have made my life better and I wanna see some of the fandom-specific stuff you like the most :)

Enjoy <3

[the-joju-experience]

Scar inhaled, relaxing his shoulders for a second. He then steeled himself and began the trek to Doc’s base. When he got there, he found the mad scientist eating a bucket of popcorn.

“Hiya, Doc!” Scar said. “I’m glad you’re enduring the merchandise.”

“It’s a consolation prize,” Doc said. “Do you know how loud your park is?”

“It’s all part of the charm,” Scar said.

“You say charm, I say noise,” Doc said. “Is this about the polls?”

“Oh, yeah,” Scar said. “I just wanted to make sure there are no hard feelings and no creepers, none of that really. Especially about the bracket.”

“Do I scare you?” Doc asked playfully.

“No, no!” Scar said. “You just create a sense of foreboding.”

“Thank you,” Doc said. “I try very hard.”

“I guess it’s not easy being green, huh?” Scar asked.

Doc stared blankly.

“Gotcha!” Scar said. He shot off into the air, flying away before Doc could shoot him with an arrow.

—

Etho loitered by rock outside Mumbo’s vault, watching the slimes hop around aimlessly.

“How did all these get here?” Etho asked to no one in particular. “I thought the slime farm didn’t work.”

He walked towards the opened vault door and peered inside. As he descended, he heard the low growls of the zombies that had colonized the building. Etho groaned in annoyance, pulling out some torches to light up the staircase.

“This is what happens when you don’t upload regularly, Mumbo,” Etho said. He reached the bottom, where Slimecicle had left a trail of carnage. In the center of the room the challenger had left a mess of signs, many of which could not be safely read in a video (except maybe by Cleo).

“Now, what are we supposed to do?” Etho asked.

“It’s quite simple, really.”

—

Wilbur heard his door rattling again.

“Joe, I told you already! I don’t want a shulker full of blue dye!” The door kept rattling. “Fine,” Wilbur said. He opened the door reluctantly, but was thrown to the side when the door fell off its hinges and BDubs sprinted in. The mossy man scrambled around, hastily replacing the door.

“You’ve gotta help me!” BDubs shouted.

“What’s going on?” Wilbur asked.

“It’s Cleo! She’s crazy!” BDubs said.

“I’m sorry, you’re on the run from ZombieCleo?” Wilbur asked.

“Yeah! It’s the Sexyman bracket! She’s out to get me!” BDubs said.

“I’m pretty sure they know it’s a joke,” Wilbur said. “I mean, no one’s taking it that seriously.”

“You’ve never had to deal with Cleo when they have a reason to get you,” BDubs said. “I’m not safe anywhere, man.”

“So why would you come here? I don’t want to be involved in this!” Wilbur protested.

“I can’t go anywhere Cleo can find me! Please!” BDubs begged.

Wilbur heard another knock on the door.

“Oi, Wilbur Soot?” They both heard Cleo say. “I hear you’ve got a friend of mine. I’ve got to tell him something.”

—

Joe swept the sand out of his eyes as he approached the city. Checking his map again, he confirmed that he was headed towards the right place, and then he continued to the central plaza.

When he got there, Quackity was sharpening a sword.

“Howdy, Quackity!” Joe said. “It’s great to meet you. Your fans were pretty generous last round.”

“They’ve learned their lessons well. Everything’s a business deal,” Quackity said. “Even this.”

“Well, I don’t really agree with that,” Joe said. “I mean, it’s great if everyone involved can financially benefit from something, but sometimes you just have to do it for the art of the thing, and I think that’s a personal choice you should be able to make.”

“That is where you’re wrong, Joe Hills,” Quackity said. “You will taste my blade like so many of my enemies have before.”

“I usually bake my enemies cookies and then they stop being my enemies, but I guess that works too,” Joe said.

“The last time someone gave me a cookie it was after they asked me to kill a man,” Quackity said.

“Do you want to change that? I happen to have some on me,” Joe said.

The next thing Quackity knew, he and Joe were enjoying some of Scar’s Elven Cookies.

“…and the next thing I knew, there was a giant moon crashing into my house!” Joe finished.

Quackity laughed.