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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years

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good morning lovie!! i've read this fic and omg it's cute TT 1) i think it made my forehead even more hot (not as hot as you though ;)) due to the temperature, 2) why sonya?? no but why?? why sonya?? really self-indulged but as i know it's mostly spread on the territory of slavik countries? i may be really wrong but ig i never heard specifically this very form 'sonya' in you know... foreign media and all. kitty gif TT i love your kitty gifs sm TT they're so cute TT 'im too lazy to think of them all' lol we're so same... when i came to kpop i wanted to know like every group existing and now i don't even remember some of the names of idols i used to like... but what a soft spot svt and got7 got in my heart TT svt's japanese releases?? the pure blessing. 'well ur my cat now' meow meow. if those songs about broken heart and being high when i was merely 12 had made me your cat than ig i can tell everyone how i've gone a really long way... to teach you all how to be successful!! 'im starting my classes so it will take a while' it's all fine!! take all the time you need!! yk that i can wait for a what? yeah never tired of the jokes abt it classes should be your first priority, tumblr can handle you living your big brained life. 'what you think of what i’ll end up with' end up first ig TT but i'm eager to know too 'WHY SHAPED LIKE FRIEND' actually there was a bear that attacked 2 children once... akmu are good. i'm not really a fan but they do have charming voices. i liked 'let's take time' more. ballads or ballads-like songs aren't for me ig. 'resistance to getting sick???' ig i understand hvhdjdj. thanks love!! guess i shouldn't send you grateful kisses rn but i do appreciate it!! luv u<з 'SOMETIMES IT SHOULD JUST WRITE ITSELF!!!!' YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! so right catmom so right!!!! what are these scientists even doing?? why can't they invent such a thing?? i know probably some things like this exist but it's not exactly what we need!! 'my ears T_T' god bless your ears... and thanks for explaining all these music words!! hfjsjs guess soon i'll be able to understand these people who attended music school (dk if it's truly what they call it) i've got results of that academic competition, btw. as i've said, i'd done really bad. but i'm 14th! the meme is NO ONE got even more than a half... like no one has even 50 when the max is 100. even the winner... we're all so silly and it makes me feel better. 'good night my love!' it's almost every time night. so thanks!! good morning to you, hottie-cutie!!! have a nice day! praying for you!! pretending that i'm scared by your threat (will you do anything to your cat?? meow meow). hope i'll get better soon too. love you!! take care <з

GOOD MORNING <3 lets hope i answer fast enough before my class starts AHAHAHAH (not that that my online classes have ever stopped me from doing anything)

LOL THIS CAT REMINDS ME OF THIS OTHER CAT IN PUSS IN BOOTS

life imitates art imitates life HAHAHAHAH

anyway

i've read this fic and omg it's cute TT 1) i think it made my forehead even more hot (not as hot as you though ;)) due to the temperature,

T_T yes im so glad you acknowledge im hot but pls take care of yourself drink some water T_T idk have some chicken soup? and drink your medicine. im glad you think its cute it is 😌

2) why sonya?? no but why?? why sonya?? really self-indulged but as i know it's mostly spread on the territory of slavik countries? i may be really wrong but ig i never heard specifically this very form 'sonya' in you know... foreign media and all.

HAHHAAHAHAH well to be fair, i had a libriarian in school i think her name was sonia with an i but idk so for the longest time i thought sonya was spanish because the philippines had the spanish as their colonizers for 333 years lol. but i will say i was just going through girl names as one does when writing and i found sonya and was like yes i like the way that name sounds. her name was supposed to be cornellia then lucille then smth else but i liked sonya the most. i did see in the description it was russian in origin so it made me like it even more lol. not because of you HAHAHAHAHAH i didnt even think of you then AHHAHAHAHAHAH but because i have just always liked the way russian names sound. <3

idk it sounds very satisfying to me, both very familiar and foreign all at once. i like the letter blends you have <3 i esp like it when russian boy names sound 'feminine' lol cos again we were colonized by spain and spanish words that end in 'a' are usually classified as feminine, and so when i found out russian names like alexander and dmitri had nicknames like sasha and misha i was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 HUH? THATS ADORABLE i jusT LIKE FEMENINE SOUNDING BOY NAMES AND SOME MASCULINE SOUNDING GIRL NAMES OK LHASDHALSHDSA I WENT ON A RANT AHAHAHAHH

kitty gif TT i love your kitty gifs sm TT they're so cute TT

cats are so weird and cute

'im too lazy to think of them all' lol we're so same... when i came to kpop i wanted to know like every group existing and now i don't even remember some of the names of idols i used to like... but what a soft spot svt and got7 got in my heart TT svt's japanese releases?? the pure blessing.

HAHAAH LAZY BIG BRAIN THINGS HAHAAHH. i love japanese comebacks too!!! HONESTLY WERE SO THE SAME. i think japanese comebacks are sometimes better than the korean ones lol HASLdhas AHAHHAHAH idk i think it has something to do with the language again cos japanese also gives me the same vibes as russian that is familiar and foreign all at once. probably cos of all the consonants.

'well ur my cat now' meow meow. if those songs about broken heart and being high when i was merely 12 had made me your cat than ig i can tell everyone how i've gone a really long way... to teach you all how to be successful!!

T_T my success cat coach T_T HAHAHHAHHAH

'im starting my classes so it will take a while' it's all fine!! take all the time you need!! yk that i can wait for a what? yeah never tired of the jokes abt it

AHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA will do baby cakes

classes should be your first priority, tumblr can handle you living your big brained life.

slay

'what you think of what i’ll end up with' end up first ig TT but i'm eager to know too

T_T LOL ASHFHAS:OFHA:SF

'WHY SHAPED LIKE FRIEND' actually there was a bear that attacked 2 children once...

akmu are good. i'm not really a fan but they do have charming voices. i liked 'let's take time' more. ballads or ballads-like songs aren't for me ig.

i see i see this is where we begin to differ i think hahahha interesting

'resistance to getting sick???' ig i understand hvhdjdj. thanks love!! guess i shouldn't send you grateful kisses rn but i do appreciate it!! luv u<з

lhafhasfh;asf pssshhh you can send me kisses its fine im not gonna catch your fever through the screen Ashlash aHAHHAHAHHAH

'SOMETIMES IT SHOULD JUST WRITE ITSELF!!!!' YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! so right catmom so right!!!! what are these scientists even doing?? why can't they invent such a thing?? i know probably some things like this exist but it's not exactly what we need!!

YOURE SO RIGHT WHAT ARE SCIENTISTS DOING T_T🤬🤬🤬👎👎👎😡😡😡😡😡

'my ears T_T' god bless your ears... and thanks for explaining all these music words!! hfjsjs guess soon i'll be able to understand these people who attended music school (dk if it's truly what they call it)

AHHAHHAHH yeah soon you'll know everything i know about music HAHAHAH to be fair, i go to music school and T_T sometimes i have absolutely no idea what people are talking about

i've got results of that academic competition, btw. as i've said, i'd done really bad. but i'm 14th! the meme is NO ONE got even more than a half... like no one has even 50 when the max is 100. even the winner... we're all so silly and it makes me feel better.

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH see the test was stupid /: but not you youre so smart [hugs] what a rat test AHAHAHA

'good night my love!' it's almost every time night. so thanks!! good morning to you, hottie-cutie!!! have a nice day! praying for you!!

praying for you <3 idk what time it is there so good morning/afternoon/evening <3

pretending that i'm scared by your threat (will you do anything to your cat?? meow meow).

IM OFFENDED THAT YOURE NOT 😡😡😡😡😡👎👎👎👎👎🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬👿👿👿👿👿👹👹👹👹👹👹👺👺👺👺👺🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 I WILL STOMP YOU YOURE NOT ACTUALLY A CAT ALSO YOURE TALLER THAN ME GRRRR TACKLE WRESTLE SLAM DUNK

hope i'll get better soon too. love you!! take care <з

#anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

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saladejin · 4 years

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Call An Uber? | 21

BTS x Reader | idolverse au, uber driver!Reader, translator!Reader | Fluff, flirting, super slow burn, angst and hurt/comfort, mature themes and eventual smut

Summary: Your normal life with a normal, yet inconsistent job gets drastically changed when your dreams come true. Sounds boring right?

What happens when all of this occurs, but you’re still doing something you love AND getting a large sum for it? Now there’s something to think about, and it’s definitely not what you’re thinking.

Warnings: Angst with some fluff, cursing

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Re-reading this through is so weird to me. I’m sorry for all the angst, I hope you guys forgive me T_T

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Bold = English

Books, clothes, equipment… It didn’t matter what was, if it was in my way it was getting shoved in my haste to reach the phone. It was like I could feel the storm of anger awaiting me on the other side of the hotel door, but priorities did come first. Soojin could go fuck herself for all I cared at the moment.

My thumb hovered over the tiny green telephone symbol for longer than necessary. Was it urgent enough to put above my job at the moment? I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother had just pocket called me or drank a little too much. It was too strange to have any positive implications. To be frank, I was probably trying too hard to convince myself otherwise because the opportunity to stall was too tempting to ignore.

Anyone who knew me well would know just how much I loved to procrastinate problem solving. Long lasting ones weren’t an exception in any case.

“(Y/n), you finally showed up.”

What? Fuck, I must have tapped it while I was lost in my brain.

“Mother,” I responded through gritted teeth.

Trepidation weighed my tone down to the floor.

Then there was a silence that made me feel as unsure as ever. If you asked me to explain the feelings caused by the echoingly empty sound, I couldn’t tell you. It was as if she was carefully handpicking her next words. Tiptoeing so cautiously around her thoughts, just in case I didn’t like what she had to say and barred myself away once more.

She’s too foolish to understand that I can see through her, even if she’s not physically here.

I fiercely fought down the urge to grind my teeth in anger and chose to wait patiently instead. If she had to take the time to think about what she was saying, then she obviously wanted to be in my favour somehow. I could not for the life of me understand how she’d possibly thought that was a scenario that existed, but apparently it did.

“Honey … how have you been these days?”

A surge of bile bubbled up through my windpipe. This problem was becoming borderline toxic.

“You better get to the point before I hang up,” I seethed. The plan was to keep my tone calm and neutral but there was no way the hurt wasn’t going to seep through the cracks. Hearing how fake and desperate she’d become just single-handedly destroyed what little snippet of respect I had left, buried deeply somewhere there in my heart.

She scoffed almost soundlessly before heeding the request.

“Fine, if it’s really going to be this way. I need money. Your dumbass father has gone and crashed the car again, but this time he’s pretty messed up. We can’t afford all these bills and I really need some booze if I’m gonna stay sane in this shithole. You’re the only child still attached to us so you’re going to be the one to get your dunce of a dad out of debt.”

I felt my chest tighten the longer she spoke, albeit rather roughly, but the words were still heavy with wrenching information. I didn’t know exactly how to feel, but I knew this whole situation would be a hell of a lot easier without the tugging family ties making me second guess everything.

“Hold on, how bad is the accident?” I growled, trying to ignore the rest of her sentence about alcohol and shitholes. The thought of my own father being severely injured made my heart skip a beat in sudden fear. It wasn’t too bad, was it?

“Pretty damn bad, I guess. He was in the ER, and I’m sure the doctor said something about rehab? Acute rehab? Ugh, can’t remember.”

This is terrible, and she can barely bring herself to care!

Tears unwillingly pricked at the corners of my eyes and I furiously blinked them away.

“Is he on life support or something?”

“Not anymore. Dunno why he’s still being a dickhead and drink driving everywhere. Something was bound to happen eventually, and if it was up to me they should have slapped a band aid on it and sent him on his way. These fancy doctors just want to leech money from us.”

“You realise that money is what kept him alive, right?” I murmured in disbelief. There was a raging war of conflict taking place in my mind, and I couldn’t even fathom how she was being so nonchalant about all of it. Her own husband had almost died, and she was blaming the hospital for their crippling poverty.

“(Y/n), darling…”

There it was again, that wickedly sweetened voice that could only be a feeble attempt at manipulation at this point.

“I’m only going to think about it for the sake of life and death, I literally can’t believe how fucking disgusting you are. Don’t consider me attached to you ever again,” I choked out in a haze of fury. I could feel every shred of dignity and hope I had left for my family burn away into cloudy ash before me.

“I should have known better.”

And with that I hung up. The silence was too deafening, too close and invasive to be even remotely comfortable. I didn’t even know why the disappointment and vindication was hitting so hard and fast either, because in the back of my worrisome mind I always knew that nothing good could come from such a reach.

Wishful thinking. It seemed to be something I lived by too closely.

My eyes blurred with a watery film as I brought the phone screen upwards again. Soojin was waiting for me like a brewing storm outside, but I knew that I just couldn’t stitch myself back together for a meeting mere minutes after feeling my tendrils of a childhood slip away from me.

‘Can you come in here for a minute or two? It’s okay if you and Yoongi left already.’

I sent the text to Namjoon after a second of hesitation. I knew normally I would’ve dealt with the emotion and carefully hidden it away to move on with my working life. I wouldn’t have allowed anyone see past the drawn curtains into the darkness behind, but things had changed drastically over the past few months.

Since I had pulled that stupid stunt and distanced myself from everyone I cared about, things had changed. Yoongi’s words rang clearly through my head again and again like a broken record.

“You could’ve talked to us, we wouldn’t just ignore you if it was about something serious. Jesus, especially if you were feeling depressed. (Y/n), please…”

Then Taehyung’s.

“This is why you can’t hide your feelings. At least talk to one person, a close friend or something, because I know you haven’t…”

“I’m here.”

I sniffled in surprise as the hotel door clicked shut suddenly. Namjoon was by my side in less than a moment, breaths coming out in quiet pants even though he seemed to be trying his best at controlling the strained puffs of air.

“Oh God, you really ran back here for me?” I sighed, trying to tip my head back to get rid of the annoying things called tears.

“I was only down the hall, trust me,” Namjoon assured softly, taking notice of my sorry state of emotions and instantly switching his gaze to one full of concern. I watched as his perceptive eyes trailed down the length of my arm to the phone clasped into my shaking palms.

“(Y/n) …”

I almost jumped in my skin when he moved to slowly unclasp my fingers from around the warm device. The man took the rectangular object and slid it carefully onto the surface of the bedside table before taking a seat beside me on the bed. His honeyed voice was nothing but soothing to the ears.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Then I spilled it all, like a broken dam rushing to meet what physics required of it. His eyes hardened as I spoke about my mother and her overall attitude, but softened when I couldn’t help voicing my newfound conflictions. I wasn’t surprised to find myself cradled into his broad chest by the end of it.

“A-and Taehyung had just pretty much convinced me to try reaching out to them last night. Now I’m forced into making a decision I don’t even want to find myself making. It’s just that…if he dies I will never forgive myself, and I really, really fucking hate that.”

I was almost ready to openly cry into the flimsy polyester shirt he wore, but once again I found myself holding back in fear of losing face. I never knew why I just couldn’t let it all go for once in my life. Maybe it was something too utterly routine after years and years of practice.

“Nobody can blame you for feeling that way about your own father, (Y/n). It’s like a natural instinct to try and protect those closest to you,” Namjoon murmured lowly. I let my eyes droop shut as I tuned into the rumblings coming from his chest.

“That’s the thing. I’m not close to them at all.”

A hollow sigh was next. His body relaxed further as he grew used to the feeling of my tears sinking through his exercise shirt, because even though he was the one to bring me into the reassuring hold, he still wasn’t accustomed to such a close proximity with someone other than his bandmates. I felt so indebted to him in every way.

“Even so, it’s family. You feel this connection that no-one else can, and even if you don’t like who they are as people, there will always be a love there that you might think is just too unexplainable. Now that I think about it, your nature to care about others probably made you even more susceptible.”

I couldn’t help but widen my eyes. He was always able to just come out and spin my thoughts into the words I couldn’t come up with. He just seemed to understand the very world we lived in, along with all of its nasty people and ideologies, in a way I struggled to. I was shocked at how he was able to take any point of view, turn it around to see the other side of it, and grasp the concept just as easily. An optimistic part of it, nonetheless.

“Namjoon, why are you just so amazing?” I chuckled after a minute of contemplative silence. He’d fidgeted slightly when I hadn’t responded, wondering if he’d done something wrong or made things worse. He was a little goofy sometimes, but nobody could deny how brilliant he truly was as a person.

“I’m not really,” He huffed bashfully, and I was shocked again when I felt one of his large hands come up to stroke my hair in comfort. It was so weirdly easy to be comforted by him after such a stressful morning.

“It’s just easy to see why you’re feeling the way you are. Take my advice and think hard about what you want to do about it.”

I felt the pad of a finger wipe away the last of my salty tears from my skin. The action was so sweet I couldn’t help but lift my head to meet his heartwarming gaze. The sight of his slight smile and tiny dented dimples made my heart almost stutter to a halt.

“In the end, they may only be using you and may only continue to turn a blind eye to the wonderful daughter they have, but at least you know you did what you believed was right. Use the love they may not feel to love yourself and the person you are.”

“Namjoon, stop before I…”

Taehyung I wish you could look, because this is me opening up. It’s ugly isn’t it?

More tears suddenly flowed and for once I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Namjoon’s face fell as I sobbed loudly into his chest, the liquid remorse tumbling out unstoppably. I couldn’t see his saddened expression of relief, but I knew I wasn’t alone in feeling the pent up tension flow away along with the waterworks. His muffled ‘shh, it’s gonna be fine’ and gentle strokes of encouragement to my head began gradually replacing the emotions with joyous ones.

I felt so much appreciation and love for the man it almost hurt.

“I haven’t cried in front of anyone since primary school, up until this morning in the hallway and now here,” I whimpered after a few minutes, almost letting myself doze off to the feeling of his presence enveloping me. How long had it even been?

“I’m just glad you even told me as much as you did. Taehyung might have mentioned that a few of us could see your pain, even if you didn’t know it was there yourself,” Namjoon said after clearing his throat slightly. I felt bad that I’d forced him into staying with me through the bout of misery, but his words violently struck more than one chord.

Yeah, and he also mentioned something else.

I was suddenly reminded of Taehyung’s big revelation from the night prior. The feelings they all had for me. I forced myself to keep my eyes trained forward, but there was no way Namjoon hadn’t noticed the way my body tensed up all of a sudden.

I can’t ask him about it now, or confirm it. They’re in the middle of a busy schedule and I also have stuff to deal with. I’m going to have to wait until we’re back in Korea to confront them about it.

I relaxed again and finally removed myself from Namjoon. He looked up at my standing figure with slight confusion, not really being sure of my stability or composure just yet. I could only sigh to let us both know that I was feeling a hell of a lot better than before.

I took one amused moment to glance over his slightly ruffled black tresses, probably having little to no effort put into the style for a day such as this one. Soft hours were now open in the messy hotel room.

“Thank you so much, I really needed … all of that,” I smiled crookedly, indicating that I was ready to move on with my life and away from the dilemma of my family for now. Namjoon got to his feet quickly after almost knocking over the vase of flowers on the bedside table. He grunted in surprise while I laughed and grabbed for his flailing hand to help keep him steady.

“It’s fine, you know it always is. You’ve been through more shit this morning than most go through in a week or months. I’d say you deserve a shoulder to cry on whenever you need one,” he spoke seriously and nodded, averting his widened eyes down to where I still held his hand within my own. These guys really did love a lot of hand attention, I did come to find after all this time.

“You’re sent from the heavens Joonie,” I chuckled airily, feeling so many feelings but nowhere near as crushingly as I had earlier.

“You confused me with you, angel,” He replied abruptly, moving with a confidence I rarely saw to shift a stray lock of hair away from my face. His smile was so warm and his line incredibly cheesy, but I felt something within me snap. The love was too intense for me to overlook.

I stepped forward and reached up to cradle his smiling cheeks into my palms. There was a need to rise onto my tiptoes before my lips finally grazed his in a very restricted but needy kiss. I fought back a smile when I felt his muscles slacken in absolute shock, but then he was returning everything wholeheartedly. His large hands pulled me closer by the waist and his lips started moving against mine just as surely, as if it were something that had been waiting to happen for too long.

I almost felt myself get lost in the sensation, but something nagged at me the further I slipped away into the moment.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I gasped, pulling away reluctantly and squeezing my eyes shut in burning shame. I was embarrassed of myself for not upholding the pact I’d created about leaving the whole feelings thing until later on, plus I had basically thrown myself at him without giving anything resembling a warning.

“Why are you sorry? I think you just made me the happiest man on Earth,” Namjoon protested in shock, eyes wide and hands spread open to anticipate any sudden movements I made to escape. His cheeks were flushed a rosy pink and I found it undeniably gorgeous to contrast his complexion.

“I promised to leave it, but I just couldn’t control myself. Can we finish this-”

I made a little circular motion with one finger.

“-once we get back to Korea? I just have to speak to everyone.”

Namjoon nodded and agreed tentatively. I could tell by the way his brows furrowed slightly that he’d probably figured out the reasoning behind my request, but he would have to wait to question Taehyung at another time. I inwardly thanked him for his overarching awareness.

“If you see Tae, tell him I’m alright and that he needs to stop blaming himself. I know he’s probably taking the whole Soojin thing badly. I’ll fix it all,” I continued in a more level tone of voice, bringing back the sense of professionalism as I began thinking of how I was going to go about this predicament.

“Of course. Good luck out there,” He gave my shoulder an awkward pat before moving towards the door. I sighed regretfully as the leader left without another word, the strange tension lingering but somehow not becoming an overpowering force.

It’s your own fault. You went and kissed him, so now you’ve gone and confused everyone and yourself.

I didn’t know what lay in store for me now, as the news would surely spread like an untamed wildfire; stemming from Tae and Namjoon undoubtedly. What a bloody dumb thing to do, considering I’d just been accused of fucking around with one of them already.

My phone vibrated against the smooth surface of the bedside table loudly. Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, being the devil incarnate herself.

‘We’re waiting in the office area downstairs, I suggest you make it snappy or I’ll get on with this on my own.’

tagged: @joyful-jimin, @l4life, @gee-nee, @m0chilattae, @rossemayme, @doilooklikeinoe, @jeon-joker, @topthis808, @justyouraveragerando, @booklover240, @midnight1199, @k-popin-hoe, @xctvme

#bts x reader #bts #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts smut #bts crack #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #ot7 #call an uber?#salade-tb

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sloppy-butcher · 5 years

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Ok,new follower here. So this blog is amazing,you writings are just beautiful. I hope I can become as good as you, beause I would like to open my own blog, but I always think my works are too bad. Anyways, I don't know if you write soulmates stuff, like your partner name is written on your body or thigs like that. If so, could you write something related with Joey and Frank sharing the same male sm reader? If you don't feel comfortable writing for three characters or for a male reader it's fine!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your support T_T I love you so much! I encourage you to start that blog because the only way to get better is to try. and if you do start a blog, drop me that link babey

So i spent a hot minute finding which soulmate alternative universe would best fit your request since you didn’t specifically state which au you wanted. Well, i found a reaaallly interesting one. hope it’s okay

This AU states that soulmates share pain. If one is hurt the other shows their wounds or bruises. I think this will work well with Frank and Joey and a survivor!S/O. I have no problem writing for a male S/O (although i will probs just make this gender nuetral as i dont see gender really playing an important role in this (and i prefer gender nuetral tings)) or for three characters. i will have to write this in HeadCanon form as i am very lazy and i dont want to write like a full fic T_T cause you know.... i have toomuch to say

hope these are okay? ily

Soulmate Au HeadCanons: Poly!The Legion (Frank and Joey) with a Survivor S/O

They realized their connection long before they even knew you existed. The theory was that soulmates shared pain and it was obvious to them that they were meant to be together. Joey would share in Franks pain, he could feel the scar that tore across his face and Frank could feel when Joey had worked himself far past his breaking point. They thought they were the only ones connected in this psychic-link, bound by a force too grand and cosmic to be comprehended by simple-minded mortals. But like the universe, fate works in mysterious ways and everything changed when you joined the Fog.

Joey first noticed it when he went to sit down at the end of a particularly gruelling workday. He felt his left shoulder explode into a burning hot pain and his body seized with the sudden shock. He barely held back his cries of a surprise but Frank wasn’t so well-restrained. Joey heard him from across the Lodge and fearing for his friend, ran off in the direction of his call ignoring his own body screaming for him to stop. He found Frank surrounded by a worried Julie and Susie. They looked between him and Joey, expressions from behind their masks piercing through to Joey's soul. They were worried for their friends, Frank’s scream and Joey’s sluggish and limp stature was enough to tell the girls that the pain the two were experiencing was, no doubt, incredibly excruciating. No one knew what had just happened, neither of them had been hurt or injured, and they feared that maybe the two were being punished by the Entity for a lacklustre performance. But both boys assured they did well enough to keep the thing satisfied and when the pain spontaneously faded, the whole incident was pushed out of their minds and momentarily forgotten.

But the pain never stopped completely. It was sporadic, turning on randomly like a lightswitch bursting with newfound anger and agony that would contort their limbs and burn their muscles. And there was nothing they could do to alleviate the pain, no amount of massaging or rubbing could take away the sharp edge of the hurt; there weren’t even enough painkillers in the realm to quell the agony. The only thing the boys could do was just sit there and wait for the pain to decide to go away. It was torture, sometimes the simple act of sitting alone was pure unadulterated suffering. But still, the boys had no idea where this pain was coming from.

It was only after Joey returned from a trial in which he had mori’d a rather annoying and pesky survivor that something started to click. Joey walked into the main lounge of the Resort and found his friends standing around the fire pit waiting for him. Frank had his shirt off and the pants of his left leg rolled up. Ordinarily the sight of Frank without his shirt on would excite Joey but something made him hesitate. A harsh red scar ripped down Frank’s chest and when Frank noticed Joey's reaction he held out his left arm for the other to inspect. Another red wound ran across the forearm. There was no mistaking it now. It was their trademark kill, a stab at the left arm followed by the grabbing of the left ankle then finished with the brutal gutting from the collar bone all the way down to the hip. “We watched it appear.” Julie’s voice wavered with concern. “We watched it appear on him as if...” She broke off ‘as if Joey himself did it to him.’. Joey approached Frank. Through the pinpricks of his mask, Joey could see Frank's eyes and he could feel his pain. Without saying much the girls made Joey take off his own shirt and directed him to stand next to Frank. When Julie stepped back to inspect both boys she raised a hand to cover the mouth of her mask and Susie audibly gasped. They were identical, both bore the exact same scars of the exact same knife.

To be honest, the boys would never have figured out the source of their shared pain. Combined the two barely make up a single brain cell so it was by the grace of God or something else that allowed the truth to finally be exposed. It was in a trial between you and Frank. The killer had been run around for the past ten minutes and with no sign of catching his elusive prey. You were impressed by your capable teammate and when they went down just outside the opened exit gate you leapt into action to save the wounded hero. You ended up sacrificing yourself for them, a worthy trade, everyone else got out except you. And, to you, that was okay. You were okay with this. Frank, however, was not. He was beyond furious at being denied his prey and when he trudged back to your collapsed form he felt his rage overflow him. He stood over you and you smugly returned his glare. That was it. In a swift motion, he punched you in the face. Your nose broke and blood gushed out and into your mouth. You screamed out but your cries, however, were mixed in with the killers. Frank recoiled, clutching at his mask where his nose would be. You watched in shock as he spilt swear words and stomped around you.

Curiously you reached up for your busted face and using your thumb and forefinger you squeezed the throbbing nose. Frank’s cries intensified and he clawed desperately at his mask. Through the haze he caught you staring at him in shocked amusement, which he mistook for condescending judgment. He growled and stormed over to you determined to make you regret everything. Panicking you grabbed your nose again and Frank jumped back. And then all the pieces fell into place. Frank could feel your pain. His eyes widened on your collapsed body and it felt as if his world was imploding. Oh shit.

It took some convincing but eventually, you agreed to meet Frank back at the Resort. He told you there was someone else, another ‘soulmate’ in this trifecta of fucked-up bullshit. You used the term ‘soulmate’ loosely. You had heard the stories about soulmates, people destined to be together would share such a special bond that they would even share pain. But never in a million years would you have guessed that your soulmate (or soulmateS) was, a serial killer. You really wanted it to not be real, you wanted this to be some kind of dream, a sick nightmare you were experiencing while laying on your deathbed somewhere far away. But there Frank was before you at the boundary between snow and forest, like he promised you, with his partner Joey. You walked up to them and stopped at a safe distance away. Joey seemed to bloat his chest as if to say not to try anything. Frank looked at you and you knew you had to show him. Reaching up you grabbed at your nose which was starting to feel better but was still puffy and red. You put pressure on it and Frank began to shake with the pain. Frank moaned and clenched his fists in an effort to ride out the pain like Joey was but after a moment he relented and shouted at you to stop. Frank turned and muttered something to Joey who never took his gaze off you. You could have sworn that he was a stone-statue because he never moved and showed no sign that what you did had affected him in any way. But then you noticed his slight leg twitch and the irregular heaving of his chest. He did feel it. Frank returned his attention back to you and in the cold silence of realization, you said, “Well? What do we do now?”

You could have forgotten everything, walked away from the nonsensical situation that had been presented before you and continued on living a simple life devoid of drama and tension. But that life would also lack depth, something to make it special and worthwhile. You were presented with your soulmates, a rarity in this hellhole and something about the wonder of what made the universe decide to bring you all together surpassed your urge to stay away. Slowly but surely you introduced yourself into their lives. Your interactions at first were stiff and hollow, fear and uncertainty making you doubt if the boys would respect the bound of soulmates enough to not kill you or at least hurt you.

But time wore on and you became braver. They were gentle, well... they tried to be. And when you spoke with them as people do you realized that you had a lot in common with them both. And eventually, you were confident enough to laugh and joke with them.

Joey was the one who needed the most time to accept that you and he were soulmates. He eyed you suspiciously as you would talk with Frank, feeling some kind of jealousy build up in his chest. He hated how you could get Frank to react in ways he had never seen before. He hated how easy it was for you. One day when he had you alone to himself, he finally broke that long silence between you two. But where he expected a change in personality, a two-face switch, Joey only found genuineness. You were as kind and playful with him as you were with Frank, unfazed by your burden of the circumstance and not worried by his own mistakes and misfortunes. You were strong and he admired you for that. “How do you do it?” Joey softly asked clutching his hand which now held a new red welt. The mood quietened down and you turned to look at him. “How do you handle all this pain each and every day?” You reached out and gently took his hand in yours. Suddenly all his pain vanished at the contact and he slightly gasped at the shock. You were warm and comforting, like the wind of a summer’s afternoon, constant and welcoming. He raised his eyes to yours and you gave him your best smile. He melted. “One day at a time.” You replied squeezing his hand for emphasis. You relaxed and began to pull away only to stop as he held you firm, determined to not let your warmth go.

Frank always had a problem when it came to hurting you in trials. While Joey could suck it up and deal with the pain, Frank could not bear the thought of having a hook run through your shoulder and subsequently his. It was you who finally convinced him that his job was more important than your fleeting health. You took Frank's hand in yours, engulfing him in your comfort and reassurance. “We can get through this. I will get better.” He breathed out and admitted, albeit to himself, that you were right. This was a momentary instance, a speck of nothing when compared to the kind of torture the Entity would inflict on him. And it wasn’t just himself he had to look out for, it was everyone. He had you and Joey he had to look out for. With a look apologetic regret Frank would mercilessly hunt you down and when he would lift you up and onto the meat hook he could hear you at the back of his mind saying, “Suck it up, Princess.”

They would always feel awful if you had a particularly bad day. You would trudge back to the Resort trying your best to hide from their concerned eyes your bruised limb or uneven walk but of course, they already knew what had happened. Joey would sweep you effortlessly off your feet and he would not let you walk around without his assistance. Frank, although less forward than the other, would follow behind and would pester you with questions, ‘Are you okay now?’ ‘Are you comfortable?’ ‘Anyway that he could help ease the hurt?’ They both were like oversized puppies yapping at your ankles because they heard you make a noise. You’d reassure them that you were fine and after exchanging doubtful looks between each other they would give in and give you some air.

They would listen to your stories. It's one thing to experience the pain and another thing to watch it happen. You’d tell them about how you got your injuries and more often than not you would end up a broken-down and crying mess. The image of looming figures silhouetted against an endless black sky haunts your mind. Although you all share the physical scars, the mental ones stay trapped inside you. When you would become an inconsolable disaster the boys would be by your side in an instant. By the time you regained control over your anxiety, you would find yourself buried in the arms of either Joey or Frank. You face pushed deep into their bodies as if they were trying to shield you from the monster that was yourself. It was scary, they could tell. But you weren’t alone. Not anymore.

After a long day's work of causing and enduring pain, when your bodies would ache with collective suffering the 3 of you would find a quiet cove to all lie it. The boys would sleep on either side of you, draping their limps over you and almost drowning you in their weight. It felt good to be lost at sea with them, so far away from the pain of the day and from the pain tomorrow will bring. If for a moment, you all were at peace, happy and content in the embrace of your soulmates.

#dbd imagines #dbd x reader #dbd frank morrison x reader #dbd frank morrison #dbd joey #dbd headcannons #dbd soulmate au

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janiedean · 4 years

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Hi! I'm the Plato anon for before. First of, thank you so much for your offer, but I think I managed on me own. Second, could you elaborate on the "analysing as YA" vs "analysing as an adult" approach? I assumed that "discourse people" on this website generally don't go beyond "antagonist is bad because they are against the hero!" out of ignorance/lack of interest except to score Internet Fame Points, not that it was due a specific mindest. I also don't really read YA (except Tiffany Aching)

TIFFANY ACHING!! T_T ANON LET ME HUG YOU it’s like the only YA I actually liked in my entire life apart from nick hornby’s one book but that wasn’t typical lmao

THAT SAID, well your discourse people point is pretty much part of it but since I’m here and I can rant have the entire thing I was too tired to hash yesterday ;) so, in order:

first thing, we need to establish that ya books and **adult** books generally have different target audiences which is fine and good because obviously if you want to write a thing you’ll do that for An Audience That You Have In Mind; this doesn’t mean that adults can’t read ya or that teenagers can’t read **adult books** because everyone can read what they want (and personally for one I never cared for ya in my entire life not even when I was the target audience), but it simply means that some books are meant to be liked by one category first and eventual others later and they need to be talked about in that specific context first and everything else later - then there might be books that are aimed for kids/young readers or sold like that or that can be read on more than one level which can be appreciated for different things later in time (for example I read huck finn at sixteen and I absolutely loved it but it was a book that here is seen as good reading material also for eight year olds, and at eight I wouldn’t have liked it for the reasons I did at sixteen, and if I read it now I would still like it, while a bunch of the books for kids I read when I was seven is stuff I enjoyed then but forgot now and probably was good for that age but didn’t stick with me);

second thing, that means that when I discuss a young adult book aimed at teenagers I will never hold it to the standards I would hold a book aimed at a general adult audience, especially if it’s the kind of ya like dunno as stated the vampire diaries aimed at teenage girls which is obviously the kind where you have the fantasy world with the hot dark guy who swoons the high schooler protagonist off her feet etc because that stuff is basic teenage girl fantasy 101 and like... I’ll expect a bunch of romance tropes, the usual push and pull, the guy eventually being into her, the protagonist being someone a fourteen year-old can see herself in, probably a few sexual elements thrown here and there and so on, because that’s the shit marketed at fourteen year-olds who want to read that and like... it’s really not that deep. I can’t ask the vampire diaries to be moby dick because it’s not meant to be. or, if I read percy j/ackson - which is another thing I have zero interest in but I know about because I see tweets from the author - I expect to have a bunch of teens coming into their own coming from different backgrounds because the author wants to represent properly a lot of categories so most of his readers can have someone they can see themselves in and like if a thirteen year-old who suspects being lgbt or whatever sees themselves in the gay kid from per/cy jackson guess what that’s what that book is for, so I won’t judge it on like... being a faithful representation of greek myths or how good the style is or whatever, because even if to me it’s not top notch writing or has a plot idc about it has to be for teenagers and pre-teens, not for me, a thirty year old who again didn’t even like pre-teen aimed literature when she was a pre-teen;

third, I can extra clarify it using the damned hp discourse, as in: when I say I’m tired of people not reading anything else or reading everything like hp, it means that they read it when they were growing up/were teens and it was aimed at them which is fine, but then twenty fucking years later when the people in question are way beyond their twenties (guys I’m almost 32 and I remember when the first one came out come on) when talking about any single piece of media in existence (movies, comics, other books) use hp characters/situations as the terms of paragon - like guys I had to read sn/ape comparisons with theon and ky/lo ren on the basis that THEY’RE GREY CHARACTERS as if sn/ape is the only grey character that ever existed, people keep on talking about vold/emort as the only bad guy that ever existed and so on, and like... you can’t talk about, idk, asoiaf or any book aimed at an adult audience like you’d talk about hp, because at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if I read comparisons between sn/ape and ivan karamazov and I think I don’t need to specify how completely nonsensical that would be;

now, with all of this explained, what I mean is: ya in general - which is not a fault per se of the genre since it’s aimed at teens and pre-teens - tends to have... very fixed narrative schemes depending on which teens it’s addressing - like, stuff like tvd or twilight is obviously the romance teenage girl fantasy where you have the girl fighting to be with the dark beautiful supernatural creature in question, per/cy jackson is more like I’ll give you a bunch of relatable characters having cool adventures against bad guys with the occasional redemption so we can see that people are redeemable but you still have right vs wrong, hp is sort of like that in the sense you get relatable-ish protagonist with relatable friends growing up throughout the entire thing and fighting on the good side vs the evil side including the usual death of the mentor plus people who seemed bad actually not being bad™ except that PJ has more povs and better rep from what I gather but that’s not the point so it’s basically the growing up journey for the young protagonist(s) the kid sees themselves in, then there’s stuff like hunger games where you actually have the dystopian worldbuilding just written to be enjoyable by younger people who don’t want to get too depressed (and ngl I haven’t read the books but I’ve seen the first two movies and guys the way everyone ignores the classist commentary in thg to discuss the love triangle is... a staple of the problem tbh) but still try to introduce deeper themes and have more nuanced characters and at the same time are still written to be enjoyed maybe by the more adult side of the target, and at the same time I can’t say that thg is the same as 1984 when it comes to target audience because 1984 doesn’t make the ugly dystopian themes more accessible using the love story/teenage protagonist etc;

at this point the problem is: if you only ever read ya and nothing else in your life (which is what a lot of people here do - guys again when I got here in 2011 if people didn’t discuss hp they discussed john gr/een, the only *adult*-aimed book I see discussed on tumblr is asoiaf... because of got X°DDD) then you end up seeing every other piece of literature expecting what you do out of a young adult and then you expect adult literature out of young adults/ya to approach certain implications the way an adult novel would, which is... frankly ridiculous;

specific examples: I see blogs which are principally about like ya fantasy books ie acotar or shadow/hunters or whatever shitting on grrm because AAAAH HE’S PROBLEMATIC/MISOGYNIST/HE HAS VIOLENCE AND RAPE IN THE BOOKS BLAH BLAH and like... spoilers: if I wrote a fantasy series aimed at fourteen year-olds who want their fantasy romance with the hot dark guy who is maybe a tiny bit problematic but turns their leaf for them I would hold back on blood and violence, if I wrote a fantasy for adults where I want to be realistic about misogyny I will not, and the fact that grrm gets judged on what happens and not how he writes it (and again, saying that a guy who has 1/3rd of his pov characters female except that it’s actually 50/50 because there are no throwaway povs except for mel while guys have a lot more of them and all the female povs have narrative weight [and mel has it before she gets one] and all of them have a different personality and he also has the same trope [brienne and arya] in two people with wildly different personalities and needs which is basically a goddamned miracle is a misogynist because there’s misogyny in his fantasy world is ridiculous imvho) which is.... exactly expecting of asoiaf what you’d expect out of acotar, when grrm and acotar’s writer write for wildly different audiences. now, if I had read acotar at 15 and asoiaf at 15 I’d have had no doubt re asoiaf being more my thing because again the subgenre acotar goes for is not my thing because I never related to that fantasy while brienne is my rep, but in general a 14yo girl who likes the acotar-like stuff will not care for grrm.... which is normal because grrm writes for adults of both genders, not teenage girls (I mean teenage boys also have their own subgenres for which the same rules are valid), and someone who likes percy jackson (aimed at both genders but like... pre-teens early teens) who doesn’t gaf for grrm won’t because it’s not aimed at them unless they like grrm for other reasons ie idk they realize that they relate to jon snow idk but you see my point, so like tldr that’s what I mean with if you only read ya you’ll expect adult writers to handle their themes like ya writers would and like... sorry but if I write stuff for adults I won’t feel the need to specify that the bad guy is B A D with neon lights because an adult should grasp that from the narrative, I don’t need to make sure it’s obvious bc it’s aimed at kids;

reverse: when I see people saying ‘the vampire diaries is problematic because it’s about people who are a hundred years old preying on teenage girls so we need to stop teenage girls from reading that kind of thing because it makes them think it’s okay to go with someone that much older than them’, we’re at the opposite problem in the sense that you’re asking a young adult novel what you would ask of AN ADULT NOVEL when there’s no point in it. like, a teenage girl knows perfectly that damon salvatore doesn’t exist and vampires don’t exist and werewolves don’t exist - the entire point of tvd is that she gets to fawn over the hot supernatural dude who changes for the better thanks to the female protagonist she most likely sees herself in and she gets to have a few nice fantasies about that which is like... normal for people who are developing their sexualities, most people wouldn’t actually want damon salvatore the way he’s exactly in canon irl because they know it’s a fantasy and so it should stay. like, sorry but as someone who watched the show because ian somerhalder is hot in her twenties and tried the first book and gave it up at page 30 because I couldn’t do it, I can 100% assure anyone that the biggest issues with tvd books are that the writing is really fucking bad (for my standards at least), with the tvd show that from S4 the writing spiraled downwards and no one wanted the magical vampire pregnancy witch twins ridiculousness, but none of the content actually was shit that anyone would take seriously like that and I wouldn’t expect tvd to approach that subject realistically. if I read a vampire book aimed at adults who actually wants to write such a relationship as creepy WELL YES OF COURSE I’D EXPECT IT TO BE OBVIOUS ABOUT IT BEING CREEPY, but if it’s aimed at freaking teenagers... it’s a fantasy and not really that deep, take it for what it is and let teenage girls enjoy thinking about smooching damon salvatore (or stefan or whoever) without assuming they need to be protected from Horrible Vampire Fiction™, same as no one goes bitching about unrealistic sex scenes in serialized romance books because people read them because they’re unrealistic and escapism, not because they expect nobel prize worthy exploration of themes from them;

now, ^^^^^^ would not happen if people actually read variedly and studied some decent lit analysis in school - but like, after I had to read I think at some point that of mice and men is ableist... THAT’S the damned point - with ya you can take a lot of the plot at face value, with adult lit you can’t and you have to see motivation beyond the action of the characters and you can’t do that if you only read books aimed at pre-teens/teenagers where obviously that’s... more spelled out than it would be in a book aimed at an adult audience;

that by the way also means wildly missing actual adult themes discussion in ya, because again, I haven’t read thg but from the two movies I’ve seen it’s fucking obvious that the whole thing is an anti us-classism commentary from how the districts are built to how the games are rigged to pretty much everything in the worldbuilding, but all the discourse I see on tumblr is about either the love triangle or katniss being miscast or president snow being a jerk and whatever else, but I never once saw anyone saying ‘heeeeey the people in katniss’ district are an in your face metaphor of poor people in the us of a belonging to certain categories while the first few districts are absolutely the 1% and the entire point of it is that she wants to tell you A CLASSIST SOCIETY IS BAD AND WILL LEAD TO REVOLUTIONS’, which to me was... like, glaring, it was literally what 90% of the entire thing was about and no one ever discusses it in a fandom-wide sense (I mean... I saw a bunch of hg posts back when the movies came out, I never saw this brought out), which... is a problem because it means that the moment people are put in front of a ya product that actually tackles that kind of issue.... they go and worry about the love triangle (which seemed to me the excuse to draw the people in the story) not about the social commentary, and like, maybe a twelve year-old won’t catch on the social commentary, a twenty-year old especially from the us should, and I don’t see that happening;

and sorry but that is because if you only engage with content aimed at a younger audience than your target first you assume that every piece of literature should be consumable/readable/enjoyable by a younger audience (and sorry but no, some of us don’t want to write stuff making sure teenagers like it) and then ask of actual ya media to cater to their *adult* needs and not to the needs of the target audience because wow obviously if you’re 25 you won’t want out of literature what you wanted at fourteen;

and this also is valid for children’s media because again, I’m cutting it short, but adults watching st/even universe and sending people death threats because they don’t agree with their opinion of a cartoon aimed at an audience that’s at moooostttt eight years old is a thing that shouldn’t even fucking exist, and if you think steven/universe is that important at an adult age you need to re-assess your priorities;

tldr: adults should not expect media aimed at kids/teens to cater to their interests and shouldn’t analyze it the way they’d analyze a piece of media aimed at an adult audience and should not presume that every piece of media should have the scope/schemes of medias aimed at kids/teens because some of us don’t want to read that.

now, I’ll leave you with a nice short anecdote which hopefully will further clarify what I mean and add to another point which would be, kids and teens don’t give a fuck about what you, an adult, do: when everyone was in a frenzy about my little pony back in 2013 or so I had to see a ton of posts like ‘AAAAAH MEN/BOYS WHO ARE INTO MLP ARE STEALING THE SHOW FROM YOUNG GIRLS HOW DARE THEY ENJOY IT WE NEED TO KICK THEM OUT’ with added people saying that a ten year old male kid who tried to kill himself bc his friends bullied him bc he liked mlp deserved it and the likes, my only thought was that... when I was 8-10 in elementary school and was actually the target for cartoons and stuff, sailor moon was the rage between all girls my age me included, we’d spend recess playing pretend (and I’d get stuck playing sailor mars bc no one wanted her, sad) and our hugest first world problem in existence was that we needed technically a mamoru and of course no self-respecting boy in elementary school would have admitted under death threats to watching sailor moon because it was a girls’ thing (aaaaah gender roles in the early-mid 90s, how fun) so everyone despaired because ofc no one wanted to play mamoru... and the few times any guy actually showed up like HEEEEY I WANNA DO IT BUT PLEASE DON’T TELL MY FRIENDS I LIKE SAILOR MOON we’d all be like OMG YOU’RE OUR NEW FAVORITE PERSON PLEASE YOUR SECRET IS SAFE because we couldn’t believe we found the magical boy™ who wanted to do it, and if anyone had told us that the kid in question was stealing sailor moon from us we’d have laughed in their face.

like.

kids don’t ask of media what you, an adult do, and it’s unfair of you, an adult, to ask children’s/ya media to cater to your damned interests, which are amply catered to by the tons of adult literature around which also forces you to push on your views and read more challenging things and to not read/watch stuff at face value, which is why I would really appreciate it if the amount of 20yo people on here who I consider adults engaged with more adult media and let themselves be challenged instead of just going back to ya/kids’ things, which are good for teens and kids and can be enjoyed by everyone but should not be the only goddamned genre you measure all other literature against because then you get people saying that lolita is pro-pedo when it’s exactly the goddamned contrary, but if you think that pov character = protagonist = good guy (which is... staple kids/ya stuff for obvious reasons) then you decide that humbert humbert is someone you’re supposed to root for. too bad that you’re not and the author was an actual csa victim so it’s a completely ridiculous reading that wouldn’t happen if you didn’t read lolita the way you read hp.

... okay, I’m done, sorry for how long this was, I hope it cleared things for good xD

#literature for ts #janie rants #idek #Anonymous #ask post #suicide attempt cw

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lindalevanimamm · 4 years

Text

Reality- Chapter 4

Ugh Mondays. They suck for everyone, and today was no different for me. I of course, had a super weird weekend. I’m so confused. Did it all really happen? Was Saeyoung Choi really here? Did he really come to meet me, ME, of all people? Did he really come to my apartment and clean? I mean, my apartment was cleaner yesterday, but I could have just imagined it. But then the chats yesterday were definitely off book. No where online does it say that chat room is supposed to happen. I mean I could type messages instead of choosing pre-made options. My life has gotten weird. Too weird. I’ve already been struggling mentally, and now I might actually be going crazy. No, I know I’m going crazy. There’s no way it was real. It’s not possible. There are no other dimensions, or worlds, or realities. There’s just this one where Saeyoung does not exist. I jumped at the sound of an alarm going off, stopping my train of thoughts. I had set an alarm to make sure I leave for class on time. Crap. I haven’t even showered yet I was so caught up in everything. Maybe I’ll take a day off...yeah right I’ll get so behind. I can’t be late. Too many stares for that. I guess I won’t shower and just hope for the best. I quickly put on a change of clothes and redid my hair into another bun. I’ll wash it eventually...maybe...it’s been a bit. I skipped breakfast and practically ran out of my apartment and to campus. I missed the bus, so I had to run the entire way. Thankfully, I made it to class just before it started.

I took my seat, the one in the very back in the corner, of course, and got to work. Or so I hoped. My mind kept thinking back to the past few days. How cruel can my brain be? I feel empty and anxious all the time, it reminds me of my failures and makes me question everything. And now it’s making me believe that Saeyoung is real. I’m just so stupid. Why am I even thinking about this? People would think I’m crazy. I started to feel eyes on me, so I looked up from my ‘notes’. People were moving into groups for an activity. Crap no. I knew I should have skipped. Did we already get groups or do we have to chose? I don’t want to chose, no one will chose me so I’ll either be alone or have to awkwardly ask to be in a group. I soon realized that two people were facing me. So we were assigned thank God. I began to sweat and shake, as I normally do when having to talk with new people. We got started on the project. Thankfully, neither seemed like talkers so we all agreed on just doing a portion of the work separately. The class seemed to drag on forever. Now not only was I thinking about my weekend, but now thoughts of how awkward I must have been talking to my group mates. They probably think I’m dumb. Did I stutter to much? Could they tell I was shaking? Did I seem weird? I shouldn’t have said that. Once again, I snapped back into reality to realize that our teacher had dismissed us. I packed up my things and quickly left. Thankfully, this is the only class I have today, my other was cancelled, right? I checked my emails to find the one saying the class was cancelled for the millionth time that day. I had checked before and I knew it, so why do I have to keep checking? I was starting to feel really hungry since I had skipped breakfast, so I decided to suck it up and go order something at a nearby fast food place (A/N: I don’t know pick your fav). Anxiety started to creep in. How stupid am I to feel anxious over something so basic? I never have to see the person ever again. They don’t care about what I say or do, but I still feel a bit anxious. I got into line and made sure to breathe. Once it got to my turn I ordered. Haha, I didn’t even stutter that time. Feeling proud of myself, I got my food and began walking to the bus stop. Somehow I managed to get there right before it left, so I got onto it, thankful I wouldn’t have to walk the entire way. I sat down on a seat away from everyone else. I felt my phone vibrate, another chat room. I had been trying to think about other things that don’t involve me going crazy, but that wasn’t working. I opened it up.

Yoosung*: so you really got there?

707: yep! I think I fixed everything so I’m going to go again later today

Yoosung*: you sure (Y/N) would like that?

707: I don’t know...

It was then that I realized they didn’t notice I’d come into the chat room. He’s coming again? It’s really real? If I see him than it must be real, right? That doesn’t mean anything, I’m sure crazy people see and hear things too...how can I be certain? Maybe a picture? Pictures will only show what’s there right? Okay, if he comes, I’ll just try to get a picture of us and I’ll know for sure.

Yoosung*: well I got to go theres amonters on LOLOL bye

*Yoosung* has left the chat

707: all alone T_T

707: I should go surprise (Y/N) now hehe

*707 has left the chat

(Y/N): idiots lolol I’ve been here, it won’t be a surpise <3

I smiled and turned my phone back off. The bus had finally made it to my stop so I grabbed my things and left. I made the short walk to my apartment. I got on the elevator and started walking down the hall to my apartment. I stopped midway. My jaw dropped slightly. Sitting on the floor in front of my door was Saeyoung. Picture, my brain reminded me. I began walking closer, trying not to smile. I’m still mad he just left. Wait no this still might just be a hallucination. Saeyoung looked up when he heard someone coming and smiled when he saw it was me. “Surprise!” he yelled.

“I was in the chat Saeyoung, I knew you would come. Or at least I knew my hallucinations would continue.” He frowned.

“But I’m real,” he whined.

“Mm as real as every other anime character. And if you are really real then I’m mad at you,” I crossed my arms. Well, tried to, it was hard to do so with the food in my hands.

“Well I am real and why are you mad at me?”

“Because you left...like everyone else,” I trailed off. Saeyoung’s head dropped.

“I know. I am sorry. I really thought I had figured it out, but I think I do now, so I shouldn’t be going anywhere.” I looked up at him and squinted at him, pursing my lips to complete the look.

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he smiled. I went ahead and unlocked my apartment and let him in.

“You know I’m surprised you didn’t just pick the lock,” I said.

“I would never do such a thing!” he protested. He made his way to my couch and flopped onto it.

“If you say so. Sorry I didn’t get any extra food. Are you hungry? I can make something?” I made my way to the kitchen, setting my food down.

“Nah I’m good.” I went ahead and decided it’d be best to eat out in my living room for two reasons. Reason one, I don’t trust Saeyoung, and reason two, it would be more rude to just sit in my kitchen and eat. I sat down next to him. I quickly remembered that I needed a picture.

“Hey, can I get a picture with you?” I asked suddenly. He looked up at me confused, but then smirked.

“Why? You can’t get enough of this face?” he asked and then stuck out his tongue.

“No,” I rolled my eyes. “I want to make sure I’m not hallucinating. Pictures can only show what’s here right?” He laughed.

“A picture wouldn’t be enough proof. Even if nothings actually there, you could just hallucinate it when looking at the picture!”

“Oh yeah...well you did not just help your case any. How am I supposed to figure out if I’m going crazy or not,” I frowned.

“You’re not going crazy. How many times do I have to tell you I’m really here?”

“That’s exactly what a hallucination would say!” He frowned. “I’ve been so depressed my brain is now making me think that you’re here! There has to be some way to prove that I’m right!”

“Well there is one way.” he mumbled.

“What is it?” I asked, desperate to know the truth. He looked up at me and I almost missed the slight pink dusting his cheeks. He leaned closer and reached out for my chin again. What is he- oh... I didn’t have time to think before I realized his lips were on mine. Time sort of just stopped. I got lost in the feeling out it all. My hands moved to the back of his head, his moving to my sides. Before I noticed, Saeyoung was deepening the kiss, his tongue making its way into my mouth. It soon was getting hard to breathe, and we broke the kiss. I looked down, embarrassed. We sat in silence for a second before Saeyoung broke it. “Well, now do you believe me?” he asked. I tried to pull myself together.

“I-it was, uh, pretty convincing, but it still doesn’t really prove anything...”

“Hmmm, does that mean I’ll have to try again?” he asked.

“No...” I softly answered. I was conflicted now. Sure that all felt real, and I definitely wouldn’t mind another, but it truly doesn’t prove much.

“Oh” he replied softly. I winced. He sounded hurt. I don’t mean it like that, really.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” I began.

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have pushed you.” There was another moment of silence. Both of us just thinking about what had happened.

“I have an idea.” I broke the silence. He looked up at me, ready for me to continue. “I’ll go with you and you’ll order something or buy something from somewhere. If other people can see you, then I’ll know it’s not a hallucination.” He thought for a moment.

“Yeah, I don’t see any holes in that logic...where to?”

“There’s a convenience store about a block from here.” We both got up and made our way outside. After a few minutes, of a silent and awkward walk, we arrived at the store. “Here we are,” I said.

“Any requests on what to buy?” he asked.

“Nope I’m just going to stand back and observe.” He chuckled.

“Normally I’m the one doing the observing, but okay.” We walked inside and I watched him disappear in one of the isles. I went to go find a snack to buy. I wasn’t just going to walk in and not buy something. As I walked down the isle, my thoughts started getting to me again. I can’t believe your life has come to this. So lonely that you’re making someone up. This is why people don’t talk to you. That’s why the walk here was awkward. You don’t know how to talk to people, so you just don’t. It feels real, but it’s not. No one would kiss you. Imagining your first kiss and making it feel real is really sick. You’re sick. No one wants to be with you. No one would want to be your first anything. You should just be leftovers...a hand on my shoulder interrupted my thoughts. I didn’t notice that I was tearing up. I quickly wiped them away. “You okay?” Saeyoung asked me. I kept my head down.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to pretend in front of me you know?”

“Yeah because you’re not real. You wouldn’t be doing all this, you wouldn’t be this nice to me if you were real,” I answer. He let out a small sigh.

“I don’t know who would make you think that. But I still have to prove to you that I’m here right? Watch.” I finally looked up and I watched him walk away. I watched him go up to the counter, smile, and have a small chat with the cashier before paying and coming back to me. He smiled at me. “See?” he asked. Unable to hold back any longer, I threw my arms around him in a hug.

“You’re really here?” I asked.

“I’m really here,” he answered.

“You really came for me?”

“I really came just for you, (Y/N).”

“Really though?” He chuckled again.

“Really though. I came for you, and only you. I’m here and I don’t intend to go anywhere unless you want me to.” I hugged him tighter. He pretended to choke. “Ack (Y/N)! I’m not going to be here if you keep holding on so tight!” I laughed.

“I’m just making sure it’s real.” I finally let go of him and looked at him. How is this happening? Why me? I don’t deserve this.

“You do,” he suddenly said.

“What?” I asked. Can he read minds?

“You do deserve this. I’m the one that didn’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve your help with Mint Eye, and I didn’t deserve your feelings. But you, (Y/N), you really do deserve to be loved. You deserve to be happy. I hope to make you feel happy and loved and I don’t know if I’ll be enough, but I’m going to try.” I just smiled, unable to form any words or sentences in my mind. I don’t know how he knew what I was thinking. I didn’t know if I fully believed his words, but for now I was going to try. “Now lets head back so I can try to explain everything to you and answer any questions you have.”

#saeyoung choi #saeyoung choi x reader #mystic messenger #707 #707 x reader #fanfic

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adrawrable · 3 years

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12, 24, 30 & 40 for the Star Wars asks!! ヾ(Ő∀Ő๑)ﾉ

Star Wars asks!

12. Which character would you be friends with?

Oh, lmao. Well. Chewie! :) I love wookiees!

24. Would you want to be human, or from another species?

Oooo. I don’t think I’d want to be human... wow. A wookiee, probably. LMAO? Or maybe a Bothan! They’re cool, too...

30. Do you have any headcanons?

Hmm, no not really, sorry! I generally enjoy everyone else’s headcanons, though! I do like the Din/Luke ship, and that one headcanon where people jokingly (but also seriously) say that Grogu would bully Kylo lolol;;; (These are the first ones I can think of...) But my own headcanons, I don’t really have any.

40. If you could make your own Star Wars trilogy/series, what would it be about?

... Lots of shorts about silly times between Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi-Wan T_T Even though... those moments probably never existed or anything, with them busy being soldiers... Or just reboot the ST to give Finn the characterization and story he truly deserved. You know. Lmao. Oh! Or maybe a Mando series about the different Mandalores! That would be cool, even though I don’t know a whole lot about any of them lol! But really, it could be about anything... A new series with completely new characters and planets and plot lines...! I like murder mysteries and horror. I wonder if I could do something like that set in the SW universe? Hehehe... OH! OR A HONDO SHOW??? I LOVE HONDO??? I guess I have a lot more ideas than I thought...

Thanks for asking, Cross! :3c

#teddy talks #ask meme #cross-d-a #long post

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echodrops · 5 years

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Where do middling middles come from? I struggle with it myself, I know how I want to begin and end the story, but the middle somehow doesn’t seem „right“, and I feel like a lot of movies seem to struggle with meandering second acts as well. Where do you think that comes from?

Sorry my answer on this was delayed–this ask came during my grading period and then finals at the end of our semester. T_T

Anyway, middles…

To be honest, the core of the problem is probably thinking of the “middle” as a specific section of your story in the first place. We all know the montage: beginning, middle, end. But the truth is that while a story always requires a finite beginning and ending–it has to start somewhere and end eventually–what we think of as “the middle” is actually a vague, umbrella term encompassing everything from the moment your main plot starts rolling to the moment the story reaches its climax.

Rest under a read more:

Basically, this is the traditional plot diagram most of us learn in schools:

The problem with this is that it tends to create confusion about where the climax of a story is supposed to occur–looking at this, you might be tempted to think that the “middle” of the story should be an action-packed, important moment that really stuns the readers.

The truth of the matter is that the plots of most stories look a lot more like this:

The climax comes significantly later, typically only a chapter or two before the end of the book, and the “geographical” middle (i.e. page 100 of 200 total), instead falls somewhere in the area traditionally called the “rising action.”

So where do boring, poorly-paced middles come from? Why do people struggle to figure out what to put in their story’s “middle”?

Off the top of my head, I can think of two reasons people struggle with middles:

1. Misunderstanding what “rising action” means and how it should be constructed.

If I ask my students to define “rising action,” the answer I usually get is “A series of events that leads up to the story’s climax.” From a technical standpoint, this answer is correct–we have to get from the beginning to the story’s climax somehow, right?

But from a practical stand point, thinking of rising action as nothing more than “the events leading up to my story’s biggest moment” inevitably results in a stale, linear, and inorganic middle. If every action and moment from the beginning of the story to the climax all contributes to the same plot, the result is typically a robotic, uninteresting series of events where characters feel less like they’re acting for themselves, and more like they’re toy soldiers marching to the author’s orders–they’re being forced to jump through a predetermined set of hurdles to get to someone else’s goal, rather than being allowed to naturally change, develop, and exist outside of the story’s main conflict.

All too often, the writing thought process is: “I know where my story starts–Point A. And I know where I want it to end–Point B. Now I just need to get my characters from Point A to Point B!” And that’s… it. The sum total of thought put into the middle: just get from Point A to Point B.

But that’s not how human beings–and characters written by human beings–work. We’re not linear; we’re messy. We don’t take the right path every time. We backtrack. We get distracted. We’re often juggling more than one problem at once. We avoid conflict like the plague.

Reducing the middle of your story to a vehicle for getting characters from Point A to Point B denies them–and your readers–crucial opportunities for humanization, crucial opportunities to add depth and meaning to their plot, and in general limits realism and makes characters feel one-dimensional. If you’ve ever sat through a middle where you just didn’t emotionally engage with the characters at all, it’s probably because that middle was more focused on getting characters to the big climax than on allowing them to be “real” people or live for a second outside of the story’s single main conflict.

Okay, all well and good for me to say this, but how do you fix it?

Rethink your rising action. Even in the most basic and brief of plots (i.e. vignettes or short stories), rising action is never a single straight line from Point A to Point B. If you want your middle to feel realistic and engaging, let it reflect the behaviors and thought processes that real humans experience:

Mad MS Paint skills.

If you want your middle to be more than a stale Point A -> Point B, then fill it things that make your characters human: small, unexpected challenges. Chances to overcome lower-stakes conflict to learn new skills and enforce character growth. Fill in details of their life with flashbacks and side moments that help us readers better visualize and empathize with them. Let them make mistakes. Let them struggle to find the right way forward. Let them think about things other than the main plot absolutely 24/7.

It is true that events needs to ramp up as the story progress–the conflict needs to get more and more personal, more and more “threatening” or at least important to the main character (and therefore the readers)–but instead of throwing all your chips down on one massive climax, build in some smaller scale conflict moments throughout the “middle,” some tiny climaxes along the way, each one helping your character learn something new about themself, others, the world around them, yes, even the main plot…

Except when writing the shortest of short stories, just like real life, your plot should (usually) never present just ONE challenge to its protagonist. Every major event in our human lives is a complex, interconnected network of prior experiences and growth, trial and error, emotional baggage and interplay between people. That’s what good middles are full of. If you’re struggling to figure out what to put in your story’s middle, it’s probably because you’re so fixated on “Point A -> Point B” that you haven’t given enough thought to the complex journey in between. Don’t let your set-in-stone plans for the story’s “end” distract and limit you or your characters!

This is already really long, but I did say there were two possible problems with middles, so:

2. The climax happens prematurely. Don’t look at me, I didn’t pick the term.

Oftentimes a story seems to wander and lose focus before reaching its big climax, because of rising action that lacks depth and pizzazz. But the opposite problem can also occur: it’s possible for the rising action to be way too short, resulting in a climax that comes too early–closer to the geographical middle of the book–leaving a ton of space for falling action… But the author had nothing good to put there.

If you’ve ever seen a movie or read a book where there was an awesome, moving, incredible scene in the middle, and then it just seems to drag on and on before finally petering out with a whimper instead of bang, what’s going on is that the author jumped to the climax too early, with nothing solid or meaningful to fill in the gaps afterward. As a result, there are a bunch of included “here’s what happened after everyone went home” scenes, often with very little emotional pay-out, leaving readers wondering why the story is still… going… on… (And it’s usually still going on because the author had some epilogue idea in mind and realized they had to fill the gaps between the climax and the epilogue, see Problem #1 again.)

While it is possible to write stories where the main explosion of the conflict occurs in the dead-middle of the book/story (hell, you can even write stories where the major climax occurs FIRST), doing this requires you to shift the goalposts–it’s no longer a “character grows and, in time, overcomes main conflict and gets a happy ending;” instead, it’s “these characters experienced an intense conflict… now here’s how they handle and cope with what comes after.” When the climax happens earlier than “the end,” the focus of the story has to shift to really examining the aftermath, the implications and effects of the climax. Unless this shift occurs and the story becomes one of hurting, healing, and reflection after a massive conflict/upheaval, then we end up with a meandering second act that never packs the punch readers really want as the story winds down.

So like… don’t do this unless you really know what you’re doing, I guess? (Or you’re willing to fail until you figure it out, that works too…)

tl;dr: My tips for writing a good middle are:

1. Plan out several smaller scale moments of conflict, several “mini” climaxes/challenges for your main character to overcome as the story progresses. These smaller scale climaxes are excellent moments for your characters to learn new skills, gain more knowledge, or grow as people, which will then help build up to the major climax. Use these smaller scale “high points” to keep the middle feeling action-packed while also preventing the story from feeling like the characters are just robots marching from Point A to Point B.

2. When trying to plan out mini conflicts, think about A) what skills, traits, knowledge, etc. your character NEEDS to learn/develop in order to ultimately overcome the main conflict. What are some realistic and interesting ways for your character to gain these skills/knowledge/emotional growth, etc.? and B) In what ways can you involve other characters in this? These miniature moments of challenge and struggle are EXCELLENT places for clashes and connections between characters to grow and deepen.

3. Remember that characters are generally written by humans and should act like humans (seriously, even fantasy characters need to have a bit of humanization to them, or your readers won’t be able to care about their stories), so unless you REALLY have no spare space in your story, plan for mistakes, backtracking, misunderstandings, distractions, flashbacks, side plots, etc. Let your characters live and breathe in the middle–don’t mindlessly force them on a linear path towards your goal for them. LET THEM LIVE, GOD.

4. Unless you intentionally are writing a story about aftermath, recovery, or how people handle a traumatic experience, save the major climax for near the end of the story. Don’t put the moment of highest emotion and struggle and meaning in the dead middle of your book and leave yourself with five more chapters to fill and nothing but epilogue content to fill them with. Don’t be fooled by the pyramid–the climax in most stories comes in the last few chapters!

Phew, I think that about covers it. Hopefully this is what you were looking for.

#writing advice #writing #how to write middles #writing middles #plot structures #echo answers asks #eventually

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devil-kindred · 4 years

Text

death stranding adventures- final

I finished Death Stranding!

A recap on the events through the end of the game + my thoughts as they occurred below the cut! Beware spoilers if you haven’t played the game!

- left port knot with the order for fragile and found myself looking at a sea of the blob BTs- not exactly a joyous moment. I finally figured out why they look familiar though! They resemble the Portuguese man o’war! Which makes sense in keeping with the beached/aquatic creature theme given: the fish that show up after you defeat the catchers, the catchers themselves, THE WHALE, the little floating crabs, etc. The lions don’t fit the theme obviously, but I chalk that up to them being more of a Higgs thing? Since he’s the reason you encounter one in the first place.

- I got Sam through the floating BT minefield without too much trouble by hugging the moutainside and using the rifle to take out the ones that were closest to make a path. After that, there was a brief reprieve and then I had to fight a catcher BT. Did that then the normal BTs appeared once I progressed a little further. Made it past that, then rushed through mule territory and then, more BTs. This time 4-5 lion BTs (i don’t remember which but I know it was more than 3 because I thought I was done and then about got Sam stomped on by the one that I missed). Finally finished that and got a TON of chiral crystals for my trouble which was admittedly kinda nice, though my thoughts were mostly “please just let me finish this delivery T_T” by that point.

- Continued the trek to the Capitol Knot City and noticed the sky had changed from a color I refer to as “tornado green” to this very ominous red shade. Not a good sign, followed by rumbling noises that made a even worse sign. Nearly to the city gate (as in maybe the length of one of the bridges you can build level close) and then. A whale. Falls. Out of the sky. ._. Guessed it was time for round whatever number I was on at this point and once again, Sam with the standard reaction to weird BTs goes “what the fuck”. My thoughts exactly at this point.

- Climbed onto whatever thing that emerged from the tar was closest and then clambered onto a building that appeared. Was helped once again (as I was with the previous fights) by a ghostly Sam that lobbed all sorts of neat useful things my way, most importantly two grenade launchers and a multi rocket launcher. Thank you ghostly Sam! I would’ve been doomed without your help. Defeated the whale, collected more chiral crystals, then FINALLY made it to capitol knot.

- Delivered the items to Fragile who looked... really not well. I was concerned there was going to be another loss, but Sam waved a cryptobiote in front of her face and she woke up. Prior to Sam walking up to he, Mama/Lockne ran over and tried to hug him which Sam was (understandably) having absolutely none of but at least he was kinda gentle when he stopped her.

- They explained the whole thing that happened and how Fragile was essentially bounced back from Amelie’s beach and that she wanted Sam to go to her. So they have a long convo about how Sam needs to go and has to find a way to stop her, but also understand that he might not be able to come back. Pretty sobering, but ok. He and Fragile do the forehead touch (which I know helps but it’s so cute, I can’t) and she tells him to picture Amelie’s beach and feel the connection to her. Fragile does the same “I know you love her” thing as the first time and Sam gets sent over to the beach. Fragile looked very sad, chiral allergy tears aside. Which, given that she probably considered him a friend by this point, fits since there’s no guarantee he’ll come back let alone be able to stop Amelie.

- Elsewhere, on Amelie’s beach things are... not looking good. There’s dead sea creatures everywhere, the water’s red, and the sun thing looks like it’s going to turn everything on the beach into smoldering ashes any second. Sam finally finds Amelie after running around for a while and she reveals she’s an EE, which he already technically knew thanks to Higgs. Amelie explains a bunch of stuff and tells Sam to make a choice: stay with her and watch the world end (no thanks) or stop her. Sam pulls the gun which does no good and upon following her, gets a prompt to hug her. He does and they both get super emotional (which is in turn making ME get emotional) and then Amelie shoves him away.

- Sam plummets into the ocean and somehow gets bounced back to his own beach. Where he’s blue? For some reason. I don’t think it’s a tint because everything else on the beach looked the same colors it always was in prior sequences. He’s the only thing that’s not. Which, there is a reason for I’m sure. Anyways.

- Cue running along the beach for eternity a good while with Sam stopping every so often to sit down and catch his breath as well as reflect on what Amelie told him. Which was a lot. She explained that she and Bridget are one and the same, a separation of Ka and Ha that managed to coexist. She also says she got bored of waiting for the end and decided to bring about the extinction early and, while I can understand that’s her purpose as an EE, way to say fuck humanity I guess.

- In between more running and resting, it’s revealed that Sam is the BB Cliff (aka Mr. Combat Veteran) was looking for. His son. (Which you find out kinda after fighting him for the third? time.) Sam was apparently an experiement and a potential sacrifice (man this game gets dark fast) for something. Die-Hardman- aka John- told Cliff as much in less words and instructed him to take his son and run. Cliff does and bad things ensue when he gets cornered. John/Die-Hardman was given the order to shoot Cliff and when he refused to Bridget/Amelie made him, quite literally, by grabbing his hand and making him pull the trigger. My thought process during these has bacially centered around “wow Bridget is awful” but add the swearing of your choice to that sentence. Basically, I do not feel charitable towards Ms. Extinction Entity.

- Cliff took BB Sam out of the pod at some point and when Bridget shot him via using John/Die-Hardman as a puppet, she also shot BB Sam. Upon realizing this, she freaks out. Which is understandable given that she just killed a man and a baby. But what did she think was going to happen? That Cliff would throw his teeny baby son across the room when she pulled the trigger? What exactly was her expectation here?

- So BB Sam died and went to the beach. Or was it his own beach? They all start to blur together a little after a while. Amelie finds the BB, which is blue because it’s not breathing (ooh hey maybe that’s why adult Sam is blue? ... but my understanding is when Fragile jumped him to Amelie’s beach, all of him went— not just his soul. So maybe not? Is it symbolic? Am I just looking too hard into this?) and does infant cpr (I think?) and lo and behold, BB Sam is brought back to life! She tells him she knows the way home and puts him in the ocean. & in upsetting the balance of life and death, she made him a repatriate

- Once again back on the beach, Sam decides he’s had enough of being stuck there and remembers the gun and Amelie’s words that “a gun won’t help you here but it still has a role to play” and decides to use it as a way to end the beach cycle. There’s a click and then the title “Death Stranding”. I was very confused at first and just kind of stared at the tv like “that’s it? All that for—“ and then a little button prompt showed up on the bottom with the words “reconnect with the living”. Push the button and oh look, Sam’s still alive (Which is very much a joyous moment for me as a concerned player)! He tries again a few times and realizes it doesn’t work, then hears a very familiar song. Following the sound he finds little BB handprints in the sand and following those leads him to some familiar voices.

- Amelie/Bridget shows up again, this time in white as opposed to her signature red (i know there’s symbolism in that change, maybe rebirth? or just signifying that she’s trying to be on humanity’s side of things this time around?) and tells him that he still has ties to the living and then points at the five figures floating in the sky⏤ presumably meant to represent Deadman, Mama, Lockne, Heartman, and Lou. Or is it Deadman, Mama/Lockne, Heartman, Lou, and Die-Hardman? Following that, various voices belonging to those mentioned above remark that they can see him and just need to bring him back. Sam winds up in the ocean again (i’m finishing up this post almost a week after beating the game so my memory is tad iffy on the exact way things happened) and is greeted with the sight of Deadman holding Lou in her little pod while he’s got his hand around Sam’s ankle.

- They manage to bring him back to the land of the living and what follows is a fair amount of cutscenes. In the absence of Bridget/Amelie/Samantha ‘America’ Strand (the woman who never existed), Die-Hardman takes up the mantle of president (good for him!). He reveals his face to the crowd (and presumably everyone watching from... wherever they may be) and starts talking about the unsung hero none of this would’ve been possible without... which is about the time Sam, who’s been hanging out in the very back of the room (mood), decides to bail (also a mood). He slows a little when Die-Hardman says the hero doesn’t need to be named, they all know who it is and they’re all for grateful for their efforts. He keeps walking and exits into the hall and wow, BRIDGES buildings are a lot bigger than you’d think from looking at the outside which is large in general but inside is... a lot.

- Deadman catches up with him and drops some information about Die-Hardman aka John. Which I think Sam already knew due to the sequence while trapped on the beach but oh well. Sam continues down the hall and tries to pass Die-Hardman who appeared from somewhere? I’m going to guess parts of the facility loop or there was a change in scenery and I just wasn’t paying enough attention. He confesses information about his past, including how he got his name, and kinda has an emotional breakdown which made me very sad for him and increased the number of times i cried while playing this game. Sam gives Die-Hardman/John back his gun and repeats Amelie/Bridget’s words and leaves.

- Sam goes to leave the building and runs into Deadman again who hands over Lou’s pod and... Lou’s dead. Which was very depressing and the knowledge of which hurt. A lot. Deadman tells him to take Lou to the incinerator and takes Sam’s cuffs offline while giving some useful information: his location is undetectable by BRIDGES while his cuffs are offline and they will automatically reconnect to the network when he uses the incinerator. Sam nods, gives Deadman a hug and tells him “thanks for everything”. Which is more than a thank you, it’s a good-bye and kojima has now broken my heart into five billion pieces. Sam departs, gets out the big door, and... oh hey, Fragile!

- They chat briefly, during which she reveals that she’s carrying on her father’s legacy and that Fragile Express now has a private contract with BRIDGES and they’re the first independent company to have it. Good for them! She comments on Lou (I think) and remarks that he at least shouldn’t need an umbrella. Then asks him if he’d work for her. Sam says no and explains how he felt when he first began his journey and reveals he still feels that way (and now i’m even more sad! let’s take the five billion pieces that are my heart and just shove them in blender at this point, why not!). Fragile is upset and I think she tried to stop him again but he left anyways.

- Thus begins the trek to the incinerator with BB’s Theme playing on the way there (it’s a wonder i could even see the tv at this point as the ending just keeps hammering the sad nail home). Finally made it to the incinerator taking the same path I did on the first visit (thanks Igor for the tools!) and Sam enters the building, takes off his cuffs and sets both those and Lou’s pod down on the incinerator before he remembers Deadman’s words. He snatches Lou’s pod back just in time and the slab descends into the floor, the doors seal shut, and turn his cuffs into ashes. It’s revealed that Sam took Lou out of the pod and not much has changed. He tries infant cpr and hearing his words the entire time literally had me sobbing. Sam says “come on baby’ and he’s crying (i’m crying and now the blended pieces of my heart are being run over by a steam-roller) until he finally gives up... and then... Lou lives! There are a bunch of baby BT’s floating nearby in the incinerator which is a little concerning, but hey Lou’s alive! Sam cradles little Lou to his chest and she’s so tiny⏤ her little skull is barely the size of his palm! Anyways, Sam and Lou walk outside and it starts to rain... but the sun is shining, the rain causes no harm to him or Lou (or Sam’s clothing) and a rainbow appears. The first normal rainbow in the entire game. Which is a good sign, I think? The title screen appears once more and woo! I beat the game!

This was a very unique and fun game, and I can honestly say I enjoyed every minute of it. Between the music, the environment, the characters, and all the lore you can uncover by reading Sam’s mail... it was an amazing experience. I still have some trophies I’m missing and I think I only need 10 more to platinum the game so I’ll be playing chapter 15 for a little while longer. Plus I want to rebuild all the roads + find all the memory chips. I do want to replay the game in it’s entirety sometime just to see what i pick up on ahead of time the second go-around. And, while I may have beat the game, this is going to be another one of my forever fandoms. I don’t have much contributed right now, but I hope to have more things posted soon now that I know the whole story. if anyone ever wants to chat about the game, fic, or anything, feel free to send me a message!

#ds adventures #death stranding spoilers #siren yells into the void #death stranding

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looongcat · 4 years

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Ozmafia Thoughts

I posted a whole thing on my main but now that I’m using this blog for all things otome, I figured I would try to organize my thoughts because i have so many thoughts.

This is not spoiler free! But I try to label some of the major spoilers.

Caramia

Caramia is the don of the oz family, and it’s his duty to protect his territory, the people who live in his territory, and to sign papers for stuff? Man’s is always signing papers for mafia reasons :) I knew from the start that he would be my favourite. I just love a guy who’s nice. Call me basic, but I just love a man who wants me to be happy and takes cares of me? I love feeling like someone cares about me! He’s also a great cook, and who doesn’t love delicious food? Idk how to explain how I feel about caramia, I liked his personality but I didn’t love his story? I really felt like there was some distance between Caramia and Fuka, like he was in a whole nother world from her. Which you do get to chose whether she’s happy he’s in charge or like she feels lonely. I did however really liked his transfer routes. I did the axel to caramia transfer first, and I felt like it wasnt clear that they slept together, but after I did caramia to axel and I got hit with that axel CG! Anyways, I liked the transfer routes.

Kyrie

I knew I would hate this guy so much. I’m just not interested in a guy who’s a fucking tease. Like he openly admits that he likes it when you’re upset. Like I do not want that TYVM. I found him kinda tolerable in his transfer routes however, probably because he does have to try and make Fuka happy in order to get Fuka to break up with her boyfriend. He really said break up with your bf i’m bored! Also I felt it was kinda weird that he was paying for Fuka’s br*th*l visits. I think its kinda weird that he introduced her to it, and was like encouraging it. ESPECIALLY*** (major super duper spoiler here what will be censored lol) if he thought she was *****

I saw some people argue that he might not actually love fuka, but I think that one transfer route ending, kinda shows that he really does love her IYKYK. but i’m so sus about that ending where he becomes a dumbass, i really think this bitch is faking it! I do not believe him for a second!

Axel

I quite like Axel. I personally don’t mind when a guy is at this level of over protectiveness. Plus as I have mentioned, i just love it when a cold guy is soft for you. I absolutely adore that shit (like when he ask Fuka to treat him as an equal and drop the honorifics? that shit gets me T_T) He also gets extremely jealous very easily, which becomes an area of conflict for him and Fuka and it is up to you whether you wanna forgive him or move onto another guy. Personally, I would forgive him. I would talk to him about it! But I could understand being in your first relationship and not being able to handle your emotions. I think Axel is quite sweet, and he just wants the best for fuka, which is cute.

Scarlet

IDK how I feel about Scarlet, specifically the part where he straight up states he’s a minor! Like what’s up with that? Why couldn’t he be older? However, I did really enjoy his route. It’s super cute and slow burn-y and nothing romantic actually happens probably because he is a minor. Scarlet is kind, resourceful, caring lol. We always love a guy who’s trying his best to keep the peace among everyone, while still providing for his family.

His route also has a bit of plot. It shows what hamelin was like prior to a specific event that you learn about in robin hood. I dont have a specific order that I think this game should be played but it might be interesting to maybe play scarlet’s route after robin hood.

Caesar

As I’ve said before, I don’t mind a man who’s trynna kill me. Idk what’s up with that LOL. Well maybe I like how you can see them change from wanting to kill you to not...wanting to kill you. One thing I remember liking about Caesar was that he usually called you a woman, as opposed to a girl. Which made me feel a lot better, will elaborate more on that later. I think even though he stayed harsh to her the whole time, I liked how you could see he was slowly falling/becoming whipped for fuka. Like the comedy of him wearing that dumb cloak so y’all could watch the stars together. Or like him working at Soh’s restaurant because he had to earn the money, and not just take Soh’s money. Like I loved that! Plus the ending where he isn’t accepted but he keeps pulling dumb stunts just to see you is v cute lol.

Soh

Idk how to talk about Soh without major spoilers. Soh is so sweet. I like how he’s always striking up conversations with Fuka in all the routes, which is probably good for her, considering almost everyone else is pretty wary of her existence. I honestly liked his route and I guess that's all I can say.

*big spoilers* I know most people don’t like Soh, cause he’s the reason for all things bad LOL. Yes he’s using/deceiving Fuka the whole time, but its not like he drugged Fuka or kept Fuka captive lol. Like most of the time he’s trying to keep her safe, and trynna make her happy, even if its probably so he could gain her trust or something. I also feel like his route was kinda him giving up his grand plan, and wanting to run away and be happy with Fuka, which obviously doesnt happen. Idk i liked that he ultimately treated her right.

Pashet

What’s up with otome games giving you a girl option but not the option to actually romance the girl? Her route was fine, and the friendship that builds between Fuka and her is fine. Sorry that’s a little salty lol. I actually thought this route was really cute. I have my reservations about Fuka being in romantic relationships, so it actually was kinda nice to see her make an actual friend without catching feels. Female friendships are absolutely underrated and I’m glad Fuka was actually able to make a friend who is looking out for her best interest.

Hamelin

I usually try not to use kiss cgs but this is the only couple cg and I like using couple cgs. So sorry if this is spoiler-y to you. But how do I feel about Hamelin... you know what I very much liked him. His route is so short and it’s kinda a secret ending. In that sense his route is a little unsatisfying. It’s kinda unclear how Fuka could love him in that short amount of time... but she does. Hamelin is hard to describe because he’s so different in all the other routes. He’s kinda the main villain in most of the routes, aside from his own. You get to see a little bit more of his personality in Scarlet’s route. I genuinely think he is a good guy, and was trying his best! That’s all you can really ask of anyone right?

*slight spoiler* I’m so sad he didn’t get a redemption? You find out why he did the things that he did, and he just... doesn’t get anything? He like doesn't even appear? Just gone into the abyss. I wish Fuka and him could have gotten a happier ending, since their ending isn’t really... happy

Dr Crow

I do not like Robin Hood. Isn’t Robin Hood about stealing from the rich? Like... why is this man treating everyone the same? Why is this man even apart of the upper class? Okay to keep this brief and spoiler free lol. Dr. Crow here is the town’s doctor. He treats everyone the same regardless of what family they are from. In his eyes you are his patient and his goal is to heal you. He’s quite elegant and seems really dependable and then he hits you with some REDACTED

*spoiler & TW for drugging* Fuck this guy. I think what’s worse is that he did not have to drug fuka, she would have gone along with whatever he wanted probably. I’m guessing he did it so she would be in deep sleep. But still, ew gross. How you gonna love your wife and do that. This man is out for revenge and I dont like it.

Manboy/Dorian/Alfani

I barely like Manboy. Honestly I never heard of Dorian Gray before playing this so I was v confused (and if you heard of it then you probably will be more prepared than I was). I actually played this route really early on because i thought it might be funny. It is in fact not at all funny and I was not okay after finishing it. I am a little glad I got it out of the way though, if I left this for like last I would have been v upset and it probably would have ruined the game for me lol. I do kinda wanna replay the route now that I know about Dorian but idk.. i still hate this route so idk if I really will.

If you don’t know anything like me, this is the br*thel route. Manboy works there more as like a receptionist? Dorian Gray is the ringleader, and there’s Alfani who’s the male escort. Feel free to wikipedia Dorian Gray before trying this route. Not to spoil the story but TW you also get drugged in this route too.

Overall Thoughts

I feel lukewarm about ozmafia. In one aspect I like how each route was different and how the different endings actually like split off. I also enjoyed how there wasn’t necessarily a good ending and a bad ending, they were just different endings. Obviously in some routes, one ending is better than the other, and also in others neither endings are great lol. I also quite enjoyed the transfer routes, it felt different, innovative, like ozmafia really tried something there! And the replay ability, the game adds extra scenes that provide more insight towards what the love interest is thinking, which makes replaying to get the other endings very enjoyable. There also an extra scene before each ending, so you could also replay the same ending too. I really went into ozmafia with like zero expectations, and i was both surprised and underwhelmed? I dont think thats the right word.

*MAJOR SPOILERS* There’s this really great video essay called born sexy yesterday, that really explains why I felt slightly uneasy about the whole story. If you think about it Fuka has amnesia, she’s mentally a child but here she in engaging in adult activities with grown ass men ._. and I know I said I liked the transfer routes, but that was before I found out that Fuka is literally a 10 year old in an “adult” body. LIKE WHEN I SAW DOROTHY I WAS LIKE WHO TF LET THIS INFANT READ DORIAN GRAY? Anyways the fact that dorothy is literally like 10 years old, did not sit well with me. Yknow this story is about wizard of oz, so I did have a feeling Fuka was dorthy, BUT WHEN ISAW HER SPRITE, girl i had to look up dorthy’s age and apparently shes somewhere between 8 and 12. So, throughout the game it was a bit uncomfortable because I did feel like Fuka was mentally a child but I kinda justified it as well she lost her memories, so she’s a blank slate like a child, maybe she’ll mature up with memories but uhhh, that’s just not going to happen.

So there are my thoughts. I thought Ozmafia was really different from other otome games because of how each character got their own story, and the transfer routes felt so innovative, as well as adding the extra scenes in the second playthrough! But there’s some bad born sexy yesterday vibes that make me not okay with it. I would recommend the game though. There’s so much content, it took me like a week to finish it all. Plus the art is quite nice.

#personal #ozmafia #on my main I wrote about how I wish the epilogue/grand ending would have done what nameless did #if you haven't played nameless here are some SPOILERS FOR THAT #In nameless like ozmafia there was a main villain who was the cause of everything just like soh #So i liked in nameless it actually showed what like was like for the teddybear and how when eri forgot about him it absolutely destroyed him #which caused him to do all the things to eri in nameless #i think ozmafia should have done that with Soh #like if it maybe showed how well he got along with dorothy and maybe showed her missing the outside world #and then her doing the thing and disappearing and him being like damn it empty here #feel like pure shit i just want her back #like enough he's willing to k*ll

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writing-with-chaos · 5 years

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[Your OCs Backstory] First Love

HELLO! =D

I didn’t get to post this last weekend, but I wrote it anyway and it’s MY FAVORITE. If nobody reads it, I don’t care. I gotta have it on here.

This got so much longer than I intended, but I was having a lot of fun with it ;p Honestly, I just love any excuse to write scenes with Sabin, since I get to a lot of that in within the actual WIP. I love my soft boy so much T_T

I hope y’all like him (and the story) just as much!

Ariana Salem

-------------------------------

//watch things on VCRs

with me and talk about big love

i think we're superstars

you say you think we are the best thing...//

"What the hell do you mean you've never baked chocolate chip cookies?"

"You can't bake very easily without an oven, Ria. Or a house to put it in."

"Okay, but you're telling me nobody's ever made them for you? None of the people you've stayed with?"

"No?"

Sabin tilted his head at her curiously. He always looked so cute when he was confused, like one of the bright-eyed stray dogs he always had with him. The latest one, a German Shephard he named Dimitri, slept in the corner by the fireplace. They both kept huddled in the living room themselves, wrapped in a nest of blankets. The fire was the only source of heat in the cabin. Despite its lack of basic utilities, it was Sabin's favorite place. The one luxury he allowed himself. When it was off-season and the owners were gone, he could pretend he finally had a place of his own, tucked away in the middle of nowhere where no one could find him. When he was here, he was just like everyone else. A boy and his dog, watching movies with the girl he adored. Sabin was always paranoid, but this was the only time Ariana ever saw him somewhat at ease. Because of that, the cabin was her favorite too.

The cookie bomb dropped while they were in the middle of said movie.

"I've had chocolate chip cookies before. Does that not count?" he asked.

"No! Baking them is like a whole new experience. It's like a childhood right of passage," said Ariana.

Sabin scratched at his neck and smiled bashfully. "I guess that would be why I didn't then."

She paused at his declaration, determination slowly filling her eyes. "When you pick me up tomorrow, I'm bringing ingredients."

It was sort of an unspoken rule of their relationship. Ariana used to wonder why he bothered to hang out with someone like her, especially before she awakened her powers, until she realized. They each gave each other what the other was lacking. She gave him a glimpse into the teenage normality he could never have through her talks of going to high school, shopping for the right clothes, hating her mom, and in exchange he offered her adventure, freedom, an escape. In the end, that's all either of them wanted. Since then, she leaned into her role hard. Anytime Sabin so much as mumbled about an experience he missed out on, she'd do her best to give it to him. And she'd go all out. It'd be easier if he ever let her ask 'Drea for help, but she stopped trying to push the issue. He was being swayed by a stubborn ego, but it must've been rough to consider asking for help from the very creatures he was created to destroy. God knew she struggled with it enough.

The next night, she carefully snuck what she needed throughout the day. One at a time. A couple eggs in a tupperware, milk in a thermos, everything else in sandwich baggies, and her mom's recipe. Plus the stuff she usually nabbed, like snacks and whatever they'd need for dinner that night. She had to rearrange her overnight bag quite a bit, but eventually everything fit. Even a goofy, frilly apron and burned a CD, perfect to set that Baking-on-a-Sunday-Morning vibe. Sabin came to her window at midnight when the house was asleep, like he had since they were little kids, and warped her away. It was still daylight at the cabin. Her sleep schedule was always a mess when he was around. She didn't mind--it was a good excuse to take naps together.

"Okay. You read this to me--" Ariana plopped the recipe card in his hands while tying the apron. After she struggled with it a couple times, Sabin slipped behind her and tied it himself. His fingers at her lower back made her breath catch in her throat, and she forgot what she was saying for a minute. "Um. And then I'll do...that stuff."

"The baking?" He said with a laugh, completely oblivious of his effect.

"Yeah. That."

For the rest of the time, Sabin kept to his own corner near the table, so she could clearly focus. The atmosphere was exactly what she wanted. A bubble enveloped the room in a kind of bliss you only found in memories. A kitchen filled with laughter and life's latest tales. The dog at her hip, eagerly waiting for a morsel of cookie dough to fall to his level. A muffled radio filling the rare empty moments. It was like getting a glimpse of what could be in another world. Or maybe some kind of future. Her and Sabin coming home and cooking dinner together, or washing the dishes after. Him slipping behind her like before and wrapping his arms around her middle. His lips at her temple, then her jaw, and stopping delicately at her neck. And they would just stand there, silently drinking in their simple paradise. Safe enough to breathe. Stable enough to be careless, knowing there was nothing outside waiting for them to stumble. Free enough to be.

"I see why this is nice," Sabin said softly, while they rolled the dough into balls.

His face softened into a velvet smile that brightened the deep blue of his one eye, and made the firey red of the other glow like the embers in the wood-burning oven. Crystal clear of any fear or uncertainty. A rare moment, where he was completely present with her instead of two steps removed, the aura carrying him away to the same far away dream where nothing else existed outside of this moment. She'd kill to keep him happy like this.

Once the dough was in the oven, the only thing left was the clean up. Ariana lifted herself onto the counter and grabbed the wooden mixing spoon out of the bowl. She scooped some of the batter off with her fingers and ate it.

"This is the best part," she said slyly. "My mom never lets me do this at home."

"You can hang out with genocidal monsters and freak hybrids all day, but you can't eat cookie batter?" Sabin teased.

"Well, she's a lawyer. Monsters and freaks are expected, but she can't argue with salmonella."

He laughed. The full one that sounded like filtered sunbeams, lighting up the room. It was impossible not to mimic. She moved the spoon toward him.

"Want some?" He stared at the spoon for a moment. "Come on, it's not like we haven't swapped spit already."

Now the short, flustered laugh, always followed by a deep blush in the face. Pink, like normal, mixed with the silver shimmer of his Chaos Power energy. It was a satisfying bonus to teasing him. He was always so embarrassed whenever she brought up their kiss. It only happened the one time so far. She didn't press it, since admittedly she was a little shy about it herself, but she did her best to drop small hints and acknowledgments that yes, it did happen, and yes, she absolutely wouldn't mind if it happened again.

"You're never gonna let me forget that are you?" He said. He tried to start scrubbing at a bowl to distract himself.

"You didn't like it?"

It was enough for him to break his avoidance and look at her, if only for a second. She could see the tinge of color on his cheeks through the shade of his dark, thick curls. His voice quieted to a near whisper.

"I-I didn't say that..."

"Then why would we wanna forget it?"

"You're killing me, Ria," he said with a shy smile. His hand moved to the back of his neck to scratch it, but he forgot it was soaked in soapy water. Ariana laughed loudly. "See? Look what you do to me, I'm a mess. This--This was your idea! I'm trying to focus."

"I didn't know you were so passionate about dishwashing," she teased.

Sabin took a large chunk off the spoon and hastily stuffed it in his mouth, like he didn't trust what he'd say or do with it otherwise. Ariana smiled to herself. She took it as a win. Thinking she tortured him enough, she hopped off the counter and pulled her sleeve down over her hand.

"C'mere." She used it to wipe the soap from his face.

Chaos Powers ran much hotter than humans. Being a hybrid, Sabin was only a little warmer than normal. It was unnoticeable without being this close. Sometimes she thought his mahogany skin had the tiniest glow to it, drawing her closer like the moon's pull on the waves. It finally settled in how close this was making them. Ariana's thumb gently stroked along his cheek. He stopped, and finally turned to look at her. A twitch of his mouth formed into a small, soft smile. One that was at ease. Enamored. His fingers carefully reached up to graze along her hand. Whatever bubble they were put under had them oblivious to why they snuck around at all. For a moment, this was a good idea. For a moment, it was impossible that it could be anything else.

And then the oven's timer went off. Its harsh sound broke something in the air. The bubble popped. They both remembered where they were, what reality waited for them. Most importantly, Sabin remembered. His eyes fluttered, like waking from a spell, and just as quickly as it left the far away panic she was so used to seeing in his eyes pooled back into its rightful place.

"That--That means it's done right?" He said quickly. He didn't wait for her to answer and was already at the oven.

There was a pang of disappointment in her chest, but Ariana didn't bother trying to bring it up again. It was only a few minutes, and already she grew so attached to a fearless Sabin. But this was their reality. The only reason she had Sabin in her life at all was because his fear helped him survive. Kept him one step ahead of the ever-watching Panacea, and their Seraphim soldiers waiting to bring him back into their clutches. Always their prized weapon, never her heart's true home.

They wouldn't have made it this far if she wasn't willing to wait. To fight. One day, that peaceful world would be theirs to keep. One day, they would never have to pick between safety and love again.

She would make sure of it.

#writeblr #writeblr community #writers of tumblr #writblr #writers #my ocs #writeblr ocs #yourocsbackstory #The Writing #cynical chaos #Ariana #Sabin #Sabiana

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midnight-in-town · 6 years

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About an eventual Edward & Soma team up for more investigation

I discussed this privately with a few friends but I actually love the idea a lot so I’m sharing with everyone. :D

So far in this very long arc, there were a few occasions the focus drifted away from Ciel & Seb. The first major time was at the very beginning of this arc

with Ed being the reason Lizzie went to the Sphere music hall in the first place and the second major time...

led to very unfortunate circumstances. T_T

So I was saying to my friends that I’d love to get some more chapters not focusing on Ciel and Seb, especially now that they’ve been put in a rather awkward position...

and might need the help of others to clear their names if they’re really arrested. And since Soma is hurt, more Ed-centric chapters could be more likely and I’d personally love that.

First of all, it’s hard to believe that Ed won’t question if real!Ciel truly isn’t involved with the Sphere music hall considering that Lizzie is with him and that she left the house for the Sphere music hall over two months ago.

Secondly, Ed is currently the only one who was also there at Weston when UT explained about his latest BDs to Ciel

so, should he recognize UT (even if we know Ed can’t see anyone else when Lizzie is here), he might be able to suspect that something is up with real!Ciel.

As for a team up with Soma, the reasons I find this idea so cool are because Edward and Soma both are characters who are very close to our!Ciel + at the time of ch143, what they know about the current arc is complementary, meaning that if they were to assemble their information, they would both easily realize that our!Ciel was framed.

To explain: what Soma knows and believes is that...

someone who looks exactly like our!Ciel attacked him and Agni, leading to Agni’s murder. So now he’s pissed at our!Ciel because he doesn’t know about the existence of the twin (since our!Ciel never mentioned anything about it).

Meanwhile, Ed just found out that the twin is back...

and that our!Ciel is believed to be behind the blue sect arc for different reasons.

So should Ed see Soma and find out about this...

If Soma tries to argue that our!Ciel did this even if this doesn’t sound like him, then Ed will at least be able to tell Soma that “wait, he actually has a twin brother who just came back???”, which could make Soma realize that his friend is innocent and Ed that the twin is up to no good (especially if he remembers about Weston previously to finding out about the attack on Soma and Agni).

Add Sieglinde...

who heard this, who can confirm that Ciel and Seb are the ones who brought Soma to her and who researched about the blood samples Seb found in the Sphere music hall + Nina...

who helped Ciel and Seb with getting into the Sphere music hall that one time, they will barely need Violet’s confirmation to understand that “Lord Sirius” is in fact the twin (even though I think Violet’ll confirm it either way, because our!Ciel helped him and his friends).

Violet (and also Lizzie) is more likely to be necessary in order to convince the other people involved in this arc that our!Ciel is not Lord Sirius: like the Double Charles (who may end up accusing Ciel of the Parliamentarians’ murders next), Randall (because Abberline won’t be able to convince him on his own I guess) and maybe even Alexis.

TL;DR Ed investigating some more as Ciel is possibly arrested and meeting with Soma could surely be one way for the entire truth to be revealed + also for Soma to stop believing that his best friend attacked him.

I just hope Ed does realize, one way or another, that there is definitely something not right about the twins and Lizzie.

#kuroshitsuji #edward midford #soma asman kadar #ciel phantomhive #undertaker #2ct #sieglinde sullivan #nina hopkins #gregory violet #agni #elizabeth midford #kuro143 #kuroshitsuji theory

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mc-amps · 6 years

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Thoughts on Ray’s Route and Unknown

A crazy long rant >.<

It’s been exactly a year since I finished Ray’s route. I still remember that day quite well. I found it actually kind of romantic that I finished on Valentine’s Day. It was like Saeran was my Valentine. My thoughts on the route at the time were that of anger and joy. Suit Saeran made me furious, but GE Saeran made it better. He made me cry a lot of happy tears. Now that a year has passed, I wanted to talk more about my feelings about the route.

Everyone who knows me knows that I’m passionate about Unknown. Heck, just by looking at my blog, you could probably see that. From the very moment I saw him in the game’s opening movie, I was very curious and excited to see the trouble he would cause. I ended up seeing the prologue bad end on youtube and was like “Dang that’s hot +_+” Idk. I’ve always had a thing for those sweet talking kidnapper villain characters. The ones you know aren’t good for you, but if they ever got their hands on you, they’d cherish you in their own twisted way.

As I played through all of the routes, the part that excited me the most was when Unknown would show up and do bad things. Zen’s route in particular was so thrilling. The fact that he didn’t show up in Jaehee’s route was a bummer, but I was extremely disappointed when he did nothing in Jumin’s route too. Jumin was the one I ended up really liking, so I had been hoping to see my main man duke it out with evil side bae. Unfortunately, that never became a thing T_T

I saw some minor spoilers for Seven’s route, so I knew that Unknown would be heavily involved. I ended up being really disappointed with that route. At the time, I blamed it on Seven’s pushing MC away, but in hindsight, another major factor was that we really didn’t get to interact with Unknown much after the break in. Even during the secret ends, he’s there, but doesn’t really pay much attention to you. I guess I had been hoping to explore things with Unknown and his twisted view on the player. I also really wanted to help him recover after Mint Eye, but Seven took total control with that.

By that point, I had kind of accepted that Unknown wouldn’t be dateable, so I just figured that Jumin was my “true end.” But then the Christmas DLC happened. . .

It.

Was.

AMAZING!!!

Seriously! Unknown’s ending was everything I wanted from him!! He abducts you from the RFA, spoils you with gifts, and ties a ribbon around your neck +_+ He’s menacing and creepy, but still very charming and fun about it. It’s thrilling. My only disappointment was that it was so short, but that sparked the hope that Cheritz had more plans for him. Surely, they wouldn’t include that as the only way to end up with him.

When V’s route was announced, I clung to the hope that they were also going to secretly include a Saeran route. I figured that the route would branch off from the prologue bad end and let us spy on the RFA or something.

So then V’s route came out. Gah…I could go on a huge tangent just about V, but all I will say is that I felt no chemistry with him at all, and grew quite annoyed with all the secrets and shenanigans. Ray intrigued me though. Due to not having enough HG, I had to wait to do V’s route, so seeing Ray’s name in the call card purchase thing and also seeing his little intro bubbles when you first start up game made me feel even more hyped. I was so eager to see what this dude’s deal was. Once I played, I was definitely enamored by his cute creepiness, though I was under the impression that it was Unknown putting on a sweet charade for the MC and would soon show his true colors. It did get to the point where I got a little frustrated with Ray and his lies, because I just wanted him to rip off his suit, ruffle his hair, and reveal his true self. That did end up happening…though much later and not at all how I expected. Anyways, Ray did grow on me more, and I found myself feeling frustrated and agitated once we got separated.

And then Unknown showed up. O. M. G. Did that man show up. I honestly still remember exactly what I was doing when that went down. I was upset about missing a Ray call, but then my friend messaged me and said that I was going to LOVE what was about it happen. I had just gotten out of the shower, and was still in my towel, hair dripping wet when I did the chat and got the phone call. THE PHONECALL!!! That had to be the moment that I feel deeply and madly in love with this man. The way he says that he wants you and even says he will show you the things that Ray wanted to do to you. I was on the edge of my seat. I was screaming, blushing and swooning. Even though he could be quite frightening, it was still very fun. I was so excited to see what would happen, and I even spent the extra HG to call him as much as I could. I was honestly hoping that he would come to the cabin, or that we would at least encounter him in person, but alas… he really wasn’t out all that long T_T

I will say that Ray being worried and upset about the possibility of Unknown hurting MC was quite touching. I really was developing feelings for Ray. I didn’t adore him as much as Mr. Sexy Edgelord, but I still liked him, which brings me to the topic of how Another Story handled Saeran. Yes, I do think that Ray was added to make Saeran “romanceable.” I really don’t see any signs of Ray in the OG game, however, my friend, TK, pointed out that during the secret end when Unknown and child!Saeran seem to have that back and forth and then shoot V, that was dissociation. So that could be a hint about him having DID. And it does make sense that Unknown would have eventually taken complete control by the time the OG timeline takes place. All that’s to say, I really don’t mind Ray. He’s a sweet and cute bebe and his creepy side is pretty fun. He and Unknown have a pretty interesting dynamic too. Both have the same desires for keeping MC while destroying V and Seven. It’s just that they go about it different. Unknown is bold and unapologetic, while Ray keeps things in and is much more gentlemanly. They clash, yet I could see them growing to get along and work together. They would honestly make an amazing team. As you can imagine, I was pretty sad when Ray died and furious at V for still not revealing the truth to Seven. Really V? REALLY!?!

So fast forward to when Ray’s route was announced. I was hyped. Absolutely HYPED. This was the most excited I had been about something in a long time. I preordered the Mint Eye box and then waited, and looked at endless fanart of Ray and Unknown. My predictions for the route was that we were going to save Ray from the fate of Unknown completely taking over. That we were going to teach him what real love was compared to obsession. After all, he acts very clingy and creepy in V’s route, so that seemed to be the problem that needed fixing. I also was highly anticipating what Unknown would do. We would be stuck with him, completely at his mercy. Hhhh +_+ I was also thinking that he and Ray would be constantly switching control and fighting each other. But I hoped that they would learn to accept each other. My main worries for the route were that 1. Unknown would disappear forever at the end. 2. MC would be taken away from Magenta and separated from Ray sometime during the route. And 3. Rika would get all freaky fresh and get in the way. Rika did ruin things, and Unknown did end up disappearing forever…or rather, he ended up not existing at all! But more on that later.

It felt like an eternity, but the box finally came. Waiting for the tracking was pure torture, but once it came OMG Here’s the mail it never fails~ It makes me wanna wag my tail~ When it comes I wanna wail MAAIIIIIIIIL~~~! Looking through the box was an absolute joy. The smiling picture of Ray in his diary melted my heart, and I put all of the pictures in frames. Though I will say I was disappointed about the lack of Unknown content…it should have been a red flag about his fate in the route. Anyways, I was going to start the game at midnight that night. It was around a twelve hour wait, but it felt so. much. longer!!! I remember I was listening to the soundtrack and couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I Am the Strongest hyped me up, I was almost certain that was going to be the song that played when Ray and Unknown fought, but alas… Four Seasons also made me cry. It made me so happy to think that Saeran would get a happy ending with MC T///T I even saw the trigger warning for the route and figured it involved Unknown being kinky and aggressive. Either that or them really delving into Saeran’s childhood abuse… T_T And once again, I was completely wrong.

Speaking of agonizing waits though, playing through those first four days before entering Ray’s route. Torture. Pure torture. I didn’t care about V, or the RFA, I just wanted Ray and Unknown. Once I got to the first new VN, my hands were so shaky and I was tearing up. Ray’s new faces were amazing, though at the time I hadn’t realized that the Ray I knew was about to change…

It was something I hadn’t noticed at first, but Ray’s creepy, possessive side completely vanishes. I get that he would decide not to give MC an elixir, but I still feel like he isn’t going to magically lose all of his creepiness. That was honestly what made him fun, and while I do understand his self-loathing, I do feel like it got repetitive. Chats during that branch started to sound the same, and I found myself getting antsy. I just wanted to spend time with Ray and get to know him more, but at the same time all the foreshadowing with Zen’s Jekyll and Hyde/White or whatever got me super SUPER EXCITED!

From what I understand, Hyde is based off of Jekyll’s darker impulses. He’s violent and sexually aggressive. Because let’s face it, Ray’s darker desires are that he wants to hurt Seven and V, along with making MC his. He’s just not as bold and active about it, but he does send that Prime Minister info to Seven along with the ripped pictures to V. He also does say a lot of creepy things to MC. It’s easy to imagine that Unknown would actually put these desires into action, and he has shown that he’s very capable of that in other routes. The symbolism was perfect for Ray and Unknown! I believe Zen also alluded to Jekyll and Hyde fighting for control, so I also thought that foreshadowed that Ray and Unknown were going to indeed duke it out. Imagine it. Fighting over your safety and wellbeing. One man just wants you happy, while the other wants to selfishly keep you all to himself. I was so pumped. SO PUMPED.

But then tragedy struck.

Thing is, I am a curious kitty. I’m a ho for spoiler, and me being me, I sniffed around and accidentally saw something I shouldn’t have saw. Someone was complaining that “Saeran” was way too mean to the MC. It went on to describe how he called her ugly, and smelly and how he would feed her.

I was crushed.

I was absolutely crushed. The thought of Unknown doing that was devastating. It just so happened that I saw that on the day that the switch happens, so I spent most of that day moping, and then the night dreading it.

Here’s the thing though. When it happened, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was. It didn’t hurt my feelings, but instead baffled me. This man seemed different than Unknown. Not only was he dressed completely different, but his voice seemed a lot more subdued. His laughs were not nearly as loud or high pitched, and even the chatroom… he felt different than the man who said he would come to cabin and drag me back to Mint Eye. His speech bubbles were even a different color. They’re blue in this, but then reddish in V’s route, the Christmas DLC, and the OG Prologue. (Fun fact, but before V’s route, Unknown’s bubbles were purple.) He seemed a lot less threatening, more extra, more insecure, more sane, and because of this, I’ve come to the conclusion that they are different people. Therefore, I’ll call him Suit Saeran. Now I know some people say that Suit Saeran is like the baby version of Unknown, but eh…that doesn’t explain why he’s so more like the OG Unknown in V’s route. I feel like Rika’s treatment of him affects how the new personality will act, and if we get a Rika route, my theory is that “Saeran” will become possessive of her and become your love rival for her.

Now I will say I get it. I get why Suit Saeran acts the way he does. It ties into Ray’s self-loathing, but…I feel like Unknown would have tied into the way Ray acts in V’s route. Why did they change Ray? Why didn’t they go with Unknown instead of Suit Saeran? Did they think Unknown was too violent? Did they think he was unlovable? Or was it that they were punishing Unknown fans for being so thirsty. Everyone in all the other routes cherishes MC for the most part …except in this route. Suit Saeran and even Rika berate MC, call her useless, and pretty much say she’s better off dead. I personally found it ridiculous to the point of being comedic, but I do know that it deeply upset some people. I do think it went too far. For example, the CGs with Suit Saeran are great, but his dialogue during those scenes just ruins any enjoyment I could get from that.

I was so furious.

Unknown was truly the one thing I had been waiting for, and it felt like a slap in the face.

I will say that Suit Saeran apologizing and then the emergence of GE Saeran made things…kind of better. I was a little upset that Ray and Suit Saeran (And any other personas) seemed to be gone forever though, but GE Saeran was sweet, and after the abuse and agony of Mr. Posh Tie Boy, it was a Godsend. The phonecalls were great, and the chats were great, but that didn’t fix everything. Though looking back, I kind of feel like Ray didn’t really get any development in his own route. Even with the self-loathing plotline, he himself never learns to love himself. The last time you see him, he’s crying and saying how he was never meant to stay around. So he basically just disappears forever. At least Suit Saeran got to learn his mistakes and try to make things right. Idk. It’s just kind of upsetting and strange to me.

Anyways, there were still plenty of sleepless nights where I would just think about how Unknown wasn’t in the route, and how I would never be able to get to him or romance him. To this day, it’s still something that frustrates me to no end, and it’s honestly something that always will. I’ve lost hope that Cheritz will give us any other Unknown content. We haven’t gotten the after ends after all. The daki was nice, but dang…in a way, it’s kind of another slap. They were capable of writing a flirty Unknown. They were capable of writing him fighting Ray for MC’s affection. WHY WAS THIS NOT PUT IN THE ROUTE! THEY MAKE UNKNOWN SO SEDUCTIVE AND PASSIONATE ARGH IT’S WASTED POTENTIAL FSJDLKJLKSDJLFJSDLKfjls

There’s also the fact in the Halloween DLC that Ray compares himself to the Phantom of the Opera…and that dynamic once again fits Unknown more. The only time the Phantom talks mean to Christine is after she pulls off his mask after her first abduction, but it doesn’t last long, and otherwise he’s a lot more seductive and aggressive like…UNKNOWN. Sigh…heavy sigh… I’m a huge phangirl, and honestly I really do feel like the Phantom fits Ray and Unknown perfectly. T_T There’s his sweeter, more childlike, vulnerable angel side, and then his dark, seductive, murderous side. HHHHHHHhhhhhh.

I used to hate Suit Saeran, but now I don’t. I still kind of resent him for taking Unknown’s place, but when I look at him as a separate entity, he’s not so bad. He’s kind of funny, and there’s good fanart of him.

I’m really not sure how I feel about GE Saeran. Back then I had really liked him, but now I wonder if maybe…he had been a little too perfect? And it really bothers me how the other personas are gone. He seems really different from Redhead Saeran too. I get that he escaped from Mint Eye with less trauma and had MC along to help but… JFsldjflsfj idk though. I’ll see how he is in the after end. If we get a dark chocolate Valentine’s day with him unleashing his Unknown side then…I’ll forgive Cheritz…a little…but at this point, I’m not even sure if we’re getting the after ends.

Ultimately, if Unknown had never existed, then I would have liked this route a lot more. The fact that he’s not in it destroys my enjoyment of it.

Ah this is getting long, so I guess all I can do is make Unknown content, and make things the way I wanted them to be. I don’t plan on leaving this fandom any time so soon, so don’t worry about that~ And if you stayed to read this entire rambling rant then you’re so awesome T///T

Edit Feb 13th

So I wrote this a week or so ago and queued this for Feb 14th, and as you can see, I added tags talking about V’s route. I really liked Ray’s villainous side, but now that I’m farther in V’s route, I’ve got so much more to say. For one, my thoughts on Ray still stands, but Unknown. Oh my goodness Unknown.

I was determined to get all of his calls, just figuring that I would I get a fun little flirty time, but I got so much more than that. I can scream to the rooftops that he’s so much more fun and different than Suit Saeran, but he’s also in a lot of pain. It’s something that hadn’t quite sank in the first time around, but he’s happy to have his body back. He’s annoyed at Ray and thinks he’s too soft and an idiot, but a lot less harder on him than Suit Saeran is.

But there’s a phonecall that really got to me. He doesn’t let you respond at all, but he wants you to listen. It seems like he wants someone to talk to.

You know...I still don’t get who I am.

I’ve been awake for only a few times. And I still don’t get how come I’m awake.

But I know one thing... I’ve been so freaking mad from the beginning.

I want to crush everything I see. I can’t control myself.

I just broke every single flower pot Ray was tending.

I felt a little better after stomping those frail roots.

What am I...?

Why did I wake up so suddenly?

Did I wake up for vengeance?

He then goes on to talk about torturing V, but the way he says this, there’s pain behind his growls and cackles. It hurts my heart. I don’t know...even if Cheritz intended for him and Suit Saeran to be the same person, the pain they go through feels different to me. It just feels like they changed so much about his and Ray’s character when they made Ray’s route.

Who is Unknown?

Who is he really?

Will we ever get to find out...?

#also can I just say #I'm replaying V's route #and Ray is an absolute joy #and I'm so excited for Unknown to come #this is more fun than Ray's own route gosh dangit #rant #mystic messenger #unknown mysme #saeran choi

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lady-charinette · 6 years

Text

Catalyst: Short Thoughts

Like everyone else already mentioned:

- Plagg's clawsomely badass powers (the cat sneezes and destroys half Paris)

- the adorable headpat Adrien gave to Plagg (I have a feeling like it wasn't the first time either)

- Nora just being a badass protective sister and fending off a swarm of akuma butterflies to keep her little sisters safe

- Nino swooning over Alya in Rena Rouge mode (cue heart eyes :3)

- CHAT NOIR being the one to bring Chloe the Bee Miraculous again (teasing her to say please, I sense Pollen's polite influence)

- ALL THE HEROES BANDING TOGETHER TO DEFEAT EVIL YES!

-The scenes with Nathalie and Gabriel? (I haven't watched the episode with eng. subs so I can only guess what happened) but it looked like they shared a close bond, I think it was one of the few times I saw Nathalie smile

- Nathalie standing in Hawkmoth's lair sort of...creeped me out? I got a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, like: "Oh shit...this is bad... BAD

BUT! WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO MENTION:

- CHAT FUCKING NOIR USING CATACLYSM ON HIMSELF?! I figured it was an illusion from Volpina (cue angry italian noises) but I guess the fandom's longstanding question got answered. What could Cataclysm do to a person's body? Tbh, I just felt so sad and heartbroken seeing it had to be Chat himself we had to see it happen. Seriously, cut the kid some slack T_T Cataclysm of itself is pretty destructive and I wouldn't have really liked to see it used on ANYONE (except maybe Lila and perhaps Gabriel -but he's slowly growing on me) but to use it on it' own owner?

Chat's powers, a part of Chat Noir, a persona Adrien willingly and eagerly used to escape the security fortress that used to be his home and express his more wild side, had actually turned on him. I know I'm looking too deep into this, but it really makes me sad to think that Adrien might reconsider using Cataclysm so freely now (despite it not actually happening). I get it's his special power (I wish he had more) but...I don't know, he sometimes seemed a bit too reckless in using it (sometimes), maybe this will make him think over it? Or think over his whole existence as Chat in general?

That would be so dark but I think the show is getting a turn for the a-bit-worse (in a good way), anyhow. ....I'm so sorry for the long rant I had to lef it out T_T

#Miraculous #miraculous ladybug #hawkmoth #miraculous thoughts #miraculous ladybug episode #chat noir #catalyst #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #rena rouge #carapace #queen bee #plagg #adrien agreste #marinette dupeincheng

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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Misc: R's health and my minion skin

Tldr: R is better and me es okay but worsening

R finally figured out what was wrong with her heart. Crazy enough it was her kidney? I don't understand it really but I am just so relieved she can finally stop stressing about that.

She was suspecting heart disease and she thought she'd be out the game soon soon but I think now she'll be okay for a long long time as long as she stays consistent on taking her medicine. Tho that does kinda suck in its own way I'm sure. Just shy of being a whole ass adult and she already has two lifelong meds that she needs to keep her going. I can already see her sulking about it already smh. We talk too dang much there's no way i should be able to guesstimate future sore spots for her bruh..

For now, we're both really happy about it. Well. Okay she's still not talking with her partner so she's down from that tbr. I know it was a relief for her but ya know.. still just hurt rn. I, however, am just like. So relieved. She's been complaining about her heart for months and I can't count how many times she's thought she was gonna die from the sheer pain she was in. She'll be getting her meds for the junk soon soon and also getting better meds for her blood pressure shit as well.

It made me cry damn near instantly honestly. She used to call me in tears at times thinking she was gonna die and now she just.. exist. I hate that due to her partner shit and other nonsense going on she can't really see too much of the bright side. i mean I'm sure it's a huge weight off her shoulder's that even if they don't know specifics just yet they're actually taking her serious now. She's too damn young to be worrying about that shit you know ? Well.. she's too young for half her gosh dang health issues but you get what I mean T^T But uh yeh I dunno. She's still sad and stuff but we're both a least a little bit better off with the new findings

As for my health, I won't lie. It's gotten a bit worse. I'm still okay and I can still hide it pretty easily. My eyes have gotten a little more yellowish and I noticed yesterday that it feels like I'm like... I dunno. Burning? It's hard to describe. It feels like I have a fever but I can feel it everywhere. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's hard to ignore cause I mean like it aint exactly an everyday occurrence to feel burny throughout your entire damn body but I don't think I'd be too obviously uncomfortable in front of anyone else.

I am also really tired all the damn time. I first noticed it around the time I played terraria with the friend that bought it for me but I figured at the time it was off the benadryl but it continued ever since. It was definitely before all the jaundice shit started but I'm assuming that's around when whatever mess is going on with me started.

Plus.... to no ones shock. I am withdrawing.. Yayyyy....

T_T

That has honestly been the hardest part. I hate how addiction works. I'm just looking back at all the times I felt like complete shit after a dose, all the times I've felt disgusting for still taking em, and just alll the times I've had to hide my high from everyone. Just bad news left and right. i don't even really like how the high feels anymore. It's nice sure but the more I experience other forms of intoxication/highs the more I see I'd prefer damn near anything else 💀💀💀

But even all that being said, even with me more than likely fucking myself over with them stupid damn pills, I've been wanting more this entire time. I don't get why. i've only just barely been able to drink enough water to not risk a sore throat from me plain just breathing, I am literally half sleep as is, and I haven't been eating so it'd probably make my stomach burn. I guess I like hurting myself at this point. I never saw it as that but its the only explaination

Anyway. Withdrawing is leaving me a bit shaky and my already shitty appetite as of late has gotten worse. I think it's been about a day since I've eaten anything. Ima get some cereal or something. I'm sure the emotional effects of withdrawing is also doing its thing but I've already been crying and shit as is so I honestly couldn't tell you anything different

I want to hide my jaundice junk for a few more days so i can let as much of this benadryl out of me as I can before risking going to the doctor. That shit about dph sticking in your system for days and days is really not ideal.. I'm glad I learned that fact as if I had tried to go when I first noticed I would've almost instantly got some flack for clearly overdosing on the shit. I heard they'll pump you with charcoal and everything bruh nah. It has been I think. 3ish days since I took that 1.5 so I'm sure a good chunk of its gone but I mean. Normal dose is 30 times lower than that sooo maybe not.

I won't even lie, I'm scared. The burny feeling is so strange and I'm tired of being sleepy all the damn time. It was one thing when it was cause of the dph cause it honestly became second nature to fight the drowsiness of that but this is weird. I can sit here in bed all day and I'd still be super tired by the time I get up to do something. But, it's really not too bad. I should probably be able to hide it for a good nother 2-3 days and by then I'm sure they'd either notice how much extra I'm sleeping or my eyes'll give me away.

I don't mind hiding it really. i am scared but at the same point, hard as it is to read, I do not care about my health. Whatsoever. I can't even be bothered to try to. I've been looking back on all the times I'd sit around wishing I didn't have to be here and feeling stuck as to not hurt anyone. I had a major health scare that ended up getting brushed off and never mentioned and I was sitting there sobbing in my room, disappointed that it ended up being nothing serious. I was just so ready for it to be some big deal and shit and I'd finally be done. I could just have my last few months of fun then go. Sure it'd hurt but it ain't like.. as hurtful. Cause it was out of my control. It doesn't have that same message as me deciding to leave on my own would end up having.

And now I'm hiding cause it'd moreso be out of my control if I didn't. If I let this jaundice shit get too bad I'm going to urgent care no questions asked. I can't exactly talk them out of taking me when my symptoms is just like. OUT. Cant hide or not tell if I wanted to. My gross colored skin and my yellow ass eyes are gonna scream that i need to. If I take some more pills, Ima get found out and gonna have a lot more supervision from my parents. If not also getting thrown in some sort of program or something lmfao

A part of me wanna just keep doing what I was doing before I noticed my bananaification. I know it's stupid and self destructive and that's the only thing holding me back from it but god if I was at my own place I would more than likely keep going til I either A. die or B. in excruciating amounts of pain. I know I should care but. That is the truth. I don't think anything'd change that honestly. My sicklyness even gotten R to get back on the phone with me and it's kinda pathetic but I am really happy about it. Even knowing that she'd dip on me in a second if her partner came back. And knowing she only's responding and paying attention cause I'm sick rn. I mean. It's still admirable that she cares to keep up with me even tho she's sad rn but I mean. I dunno. It's a bittersweet happiness. It's sweet of her but it's weird knowing that I am alone in that feeling. Does that imply if I knew she wasn't thinking about her partner rn I'd have a change of heart?

I don't really know or care to think of all that rn tbh.. Heh uh the withdrawal moodiness is definitely making its place. I'm gonna stop now it'd make no sense to keep whining and I don't want to risk crying while she's on the phone.

#misc

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