#Exmo thoughts

[purplehairedheretic]

does anyone else remember the whole "heaven has 3 tiers" thing from the LDS church theology (?) ????? I was thinking about it recently and it only just now struck me how Odd it is. It's like that one odd piece of church lore that even the general authorities don't like to acknowledge exists or something. They only really talk about the "celestial kingdom" but basically use that as a synonym for heaven as a whole. but I saw a seminary poster thing that was talking about it and it's just so ??? odd????? to me?????? like I think I remember being told that there wasn't a hell in Mormonism (like by my parents and Sunday school teachers) ? And I remember my Sunday school teacher asking me if I'd rather have the light of the stars, moon, and sun, and as like a 10 yo I was like "honestly id prefer the moon bc it's not too bright or too dark" (visual sensory issues + hating fluorescent lights coming into play there lol) and the teacher being kind of annoyed with me 😭😭😭 The tier is like:

telestial kingdom: you only get the light of the stars. This is for like actually bad people I guess? Everyone is sad and waiting for Jesus to show up but he doesn't go there I think.

Terrestrial kingdom: Jesus goes here but not god lol! you only get the light of the moon. I think this one is for people who like didn't get baptized or something ???

celestial kingdom: for all the top tier VIP church members I guess. God AND Jesus go here woohoo! the light of the sun and stuff.

Mormon theology is just. so weird man. Like why is Heaven tiered???? it's like one of those donation/Patreon things where the more you donate the more stuff you get or something.

[aight-griffin]

The vineyard parable in Joseph 5 of the BoM is maybe the most tedious allegory ever conceived, I'm so fucking ready to get away from this church.

[nerdygrackle94]

A random thing I miss from my mormon youth is going to the temple and being baptized over and over again, it just hit a really specific sensory niche for me. I was swimming in the local river the other day and thought about trying to find someone who would come to the river and play baptism with me, like, platonically lol

[the-jesus-pill]

Teaching children thinking bad thoughts about someone is the same thing as murdering that person is fucked up. 

Thought crime doesn’t exist. No one has ever been harmed or killed by someone thinking negative thoughts about them. 

You know what has harmed people though? Teaching them they are evil for things they can’t control. Especially those who have intrusive thoughts. 

Here’s for everyone who has been taught their thoughts make them evil.

Intrusive thoughts are not your secret desires. 

They are involuntary. 

You don’t need to be ashamed of them. 

They will pass.

You are not committing taboo. 

No one can read your mind.

No one will ever know what’s in your thoughts unless you feel like telling them.

No one can judge you for what you are thinking, whether voluntarily or involuntarily.

Your thoughts are private

You are not a bad person.

[midnight-in-eden]

One of the little joys of leaving the church? Getting to enjoy my hobbies guilt free.

No more “Is this movie inviting the Spirit into our home?” No more “If you spent as much time reading scriptures as you do reading novels it would be a way better use of your time!” No more “You can play some fun songs on the piano but you should mostly focus on learning hymns, then God will multiply your talent!” No more “You seem to care about this collection a lot, it’s not becoming a false idol to you is it?” No more internalizing all those critical thoughts until I can’t even enjoy those hobbies when I’m alone.

Now I celebrate the things I love. I don’t feel guilty or like I should be spending my time on more ~righteous~ activities. I know that humans need a variety of hobbies and outlets and I cherish the interests I have that let me experience different facets of life. Everything doesn’t have to have a gospel related purpose. Sometimes I can love a hobby with my whole heart just because it’s so fun :)

[bacchuschucklefuck]

it just idea .......

[fearforthestorm]

the thing they don't tell you about being raised in a high-demand religion is that everyone who you grew up with at some point will either have a faithbreak or they will continue to stay. and both of those are kind of the hardest thing ever to watch someone you cared about go through.

[godneuteredmeforbeingtoopowerful]

I hadn’t realized how absolutely foreign a concept living for yourself is, as someone who was raised as a woman in Mormonism. Until I’ve. Started trying to rearrange my life to optimize tasks for my own windows of energy, my own interests, my own emotional stamina. And the whole damn time I go “but what about so and so, they need me at x time” and you know what? I’m tired. I’m so damn tired of being told my entire worth is based around making other people better. About how well I can take care of children (age wise and maturity wise — you’d best believe I’ve dated a whole string of man children because of this shit), how well I can maintain a home for the eyes and use of others, how I can be attractive but in a way that men don’t feel bad looking, that my entire worth as a human being is based around making others feel good.

And so I have to go, no.

It’s not selfish to exist as a person, and then for other people in the leftover spaces.

That’s what everyone else does. That’s what healthy people do.

You’re not taking from people. You’re taking back what you were coerced to giving in the first place.

(Note: I am a transmasc person; I’m not a woman. He/it/they pronouns.)

[icannotgetoverbirds]

buckle up, this one's a doozy

Idk if it's actually a doozy, but this is the story of how I deconverted from a cult and got my egg cracked at approximately the same time, all thanks to... weed.

Let's set the scene, shall we?

It is December 22nd, 2021. The pandemic has been raging for nearly two years at this point. I am, at this point, still a believing mormon. That said, my attendance to church meetings has been incredibly spotty, with the most reliable method to get me to worship being choir practice.

I am laying in my bed in the evening, and of all possible things, I am thinking about weed. Namely, the church's policy about weed, and the absolute failure that is the war on drugs, and my personal belief system (and also about whether or not I should try weed for my anxiety disorder).

What's mormonism's policy on weed, you ask? Well, it's surprisingly liberal for a whole-ass cult, but still has enough nonsense for the events of this story to play out. To put it simply, you can absolutely use weed for medicinal purposes, but recreational purposes is a big no-no.

This, of course, presents a dilemma: where do you draw the line between recreational and medicinal use, especially in the case of, say, using it to medicate an anxiety disorder? I'm sure that the Church-Approved™ conclusion is "That's between you and The Lord, figure it out yourself, good luck!" I don't remember if I came to that conclusion or not, but I know for a fact that my "prove beyond a shadow of a doubt before you make an important decision based off of Feelings Supposedly From God Or The Holy Spirit" ass would not have been satisfied with that answer.

So I think about it in terms of politics, and logic, and science. After all, science is just our frail and minuscule way of comprehending all that Our Father Who Art In Heaven has created, right? So if Our Father Who Art In Heaven can't give me a straight answer, science surely can.

I come to a few conclusions. First of all, there are very few people, if any, who are qualified to draw that line. I am not included in that group of people. Secondly, nobody in their right goddamned mind would so much as try to draw that line unless they have some serious qualifications in the variety of fields that it applies to. Third of all, and this is where shit starts to unravel very fucking quickly: who in the goddamned fuck are a bunch of old white men who've probably never seen a gram of weed in their entire lives to think themselves qualified to draw that line?

The shelf cracks. The prophets are fallible, even in this day and age. Not only are they fallible, but whoever made this decision is a FUCKING DUMBASS. God must be looking down at them and shaking his head disapprovingly, huh?

So I think to myself, yknow what, this is a stupid fucking rule. And my autistic-disregard-for-stupid-fucking-rules-having-ass was not about to tolerate it. So what do I do? Metaphorically speaking, I chuck it out the window. Who cares? I'm gonna do weed for my anxiety, and if anybody tells me that I'm disobeying god, I can tell them that god doesn't fucking give a shit about weed if he's as kind and loving as the prophets say he is.

A moment passes.

Now wait just a goddamned second! If I'm chucking this rule out the window, isn't there something else I should re-examine? If I'm disregarding what the prophets have said for my own pleasure and recreation, isn't there something regarding the lives, livelihoods, and joie de vivre of countless other people, myself included, that I should be looking at?

Suddenly, the years of (pent-up and suppressed) sheer fucking indignation of the way queer people have been othered by the church hits me all at once, full fucking force. I am angry, angrier than I have ever been. Abso-fucking-lutely not. No. If the prophets are wrong about weed, then they're DEFINITELY wrong about queer people.

And in this moment, I make a decision. "Until the mormon leaders get their shit together, I'm out! I'm fucking done! I'm gonna go live it up and get blazed out of my gourd for shits and giggles, and maybe I'll try a tiny sip of beer, and by god I am going to transition-"

"HEY WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED SECOND"

[Plain text ID: Text in a large, bold, italicized red font that reads "HEY WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED SECOND"]

Shelf shattered, omelette made of my egg, life ruined for the better.

The next morning, I come out to my mom and sister. I still believe in god and mormonism and yadda yadda, I just think the leadership needs to get their heads out of their asses.

Not long after, I decide to finally check out exmormon spaces. Yknow, get the full experience.

I am bombarded with "HOLY FUCK IT'S A CULT. IT RUINED MY LIFE. IT RUINED YOUR LIFE. IT TORE MY FAMILY APART. IT'S NOT EVEN REAL. READ THE CES LETTER, CHECK MORMONISM AGAINST THE BITE MODEL. THINK FOR YOUR GODDAMNED SELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE."

I check the sources provided. Well, I'll be damned. They weren't kidding, that mormonism sure can cult started by a con man. At this point, I am now beyond the point of no return. There's no going back. I have seen the light. I want out forever, I want my records removed, mom pick me up I'm scared.

My family never looks at me the same way again :>

[purplehairedheretic]

There's something that just rubs me the wrong way about the church's emphasis on family history work and baptisms for the dead. It's just odd to me? It feels disrespectful to the people you're doing the proxy baptisms for I guess. Like a lot of those people were probably already Christians in different denominations, and baptizing them into a different church feels wrong. I want to learn about the people whose blood runs through my veins in a way that isn't religious. I just want to learn about the history of my family with no motive other than simply wanting to.

[aight-griffin]

Applying to BYU rn because, for all my exmo charm, the prospect of no student loans is extremely appealing.

Anyway, you have to agree to the 'honor code'(think dress code but on steroids) to apply, and it comes with this lovely webpage about "same-sex romantic behavior"

It's a bunch of waffling about how "we're not actually homophobic, you just can't be gay here or you'll receive a punishment that we refuse to specify or elaborate on! Please don't cancel us!"

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but after spending my whole life with everyone in the church refusing to mention queerness at all, it's still a little weird to find such blatant proof that Mormons are, in fact, homophobic.

[godsporncollection]

I'm so serious rn, one day you will realize that today is conference, but you don't have to watch it, you don't have to write a report about it, you don't have to talk to your family about your "favorite" part at dinner/FHE/etc, so you just sit there, feeling kinda "???!" about it before you decide to go do something enjoyable with your time.

Or you'll just go "oh, is that today?" and then get back to what you were doing."

Sometimes, you will have Feelings about it, even though you were fine last time. That's okay, too. Recovery isn't linear.

One day, you'll realize it's been A While since you thought about it.

[isalisewrites]

A little word of motivation from Isa

It's Sunday for me again where I attend a Mormon church meeting. Going used to burden my mental health, but now I am unaffected. To me now, it is a gathering of people who like to participate in rituals and community surrounding their fandom niche. Even if they take it a step further and believe their fandom is based in reality

After posting my latest chapter for Terrible, But Great and seeing the overwhelmingly beautiful responses to my personal conflict with a Mormon family member, I felt such gratitude on a multitude of levels. Sometimes, I question myself about sharing such things because I'm really NOT trying to vent or garner attention through the experiences in my life.

If I'm to attract attention, I'd much rather it be from my writing

I want to lift and to inspire. I am more assured of my path even more now. To those of you out there who still attend your religious meetings to keep the peace in your homes, all while you no longer believe, please acknowledge your strength and your endurance.

You are powerful.

You have awakened and that was an immensely difficult process. You've gone through a terrible loss, yet you're still here.

Remember, even while you're still physically attending meetings, the beliefs of others have no power over you. Your essence, your soul, your consciousness, whatever you call the you within, it cannot be bound by their beliefs. You are spiritually free.

Keep hanging in there. You are so strong for holding your tongue, for keeping your silence. There is nothing wrong in not telling anyone your beliefs. You owe nothing to anyone.

It's going to be okay. It's going to get better.

I might know that Mormonism isn't true, but that doesn't mean I don't believe that we all have special paths and journeys unique to us.

I was always meant to go through a faith deconstruction. I was always meant to share my story with others, so that it could comfort at least one person. I send you hope, comfort, and love. You will not only survive, you will thrive.

Remember, you are loved.

[exmo-memes]

I guess it's not so much a secret anymore, but the Mormon church used to rely on that image.

[lesbiansandco]

I “understood” the concept of death at such a young age and I think that’s where my troubles began

[cyeayt]

Me, walking, eating breakfast, thinking unwholesome vampire related thoughts: man it’s so crazy I can think about whatever I want and no one knows I’m not just eating a bagel this is so awesome

Guy with a mic and aux, (technologically evolved): He knows your thoughts! He sees into your head and knows all! If you don’t have a God, fear! If your god doesn’t see everything, just know that the true god still knows you completely! He sees your thoughts!

Me, very grateful I’ve grown and gotten away from a mental place where that would have sent me spiraling: hey what the fuck man