#FOR IT MADE ME FUCKING BAWL

[cheetahplaza]

the autism party

[roocomehome]

hozier, cherry wine - live (2013) » original video

[wikitpowers]

Rereading lady midnight and the line in Kit's prologue about how he wished he could have kept some of the money Johnny gave him so he could buy new clothes because his are old and torn is hurting me 😭😭😭😭 thinking about how moving in with Jem and Tessa is probably the first time in Kit's life he was able to buy himself clothing that actually fit whenever he wanted

uM ummmm MmmmMumMmmUuu um is there a reasOn why u Would do this to me????? bc i’m cRying riGHt now uM🥹

[starheirxero]

I just got around to watching the "puppet's goodbye" episode and I need to note that 1) I am still actively sniffling and hyperventilating while typing this and 2) a tsbs video has never made me sob as hard as that episode did. i genuinely had to go in my closet with my thickest pillow and scream sob into it, i was straight up bawling. fantastic episode, hit all my weak points and then some!!!

[ch3micallyinsane]

OHHH BY THE STARS WHY THE FUCK IS SEWING FAUX FUR SUCH A MISERABLE PROCESS BEEN CRYING ALL DAY WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T WANNA DO THIS

[rafayelsgf]

razor dance card is the canon sylus fic with angst & hurt/comfort tags in it

[i-eat-candles]

Guys, lets be honest, we all kinda cried a bit after listening to this episode.

[best-enemies]

Got to season 7 on my CSI rewatch and I need to talk about the final scene in s07e11, where Grissom is saying goodbye to Sara before leaving to go on his sabbatical. I mean, look at him. Look at what he does with his hands. *Agressively* Look at himmmmm. He's just a little puppy in love. And he does this right before whispering, "I'll miss you". I'm afraid I'm not gonna make it y'all

[fallout-lou-begas]

thinking about how i've had this article on my bookmarks toolbar for weeks like "i'll get to it later"

[meliake]

nightcrawler is so coooooool

[aretarers]

a while ago i got one of those fancy color changing lights & i put it on the rainbow gradient while i was listening to hopes and dreams and i cried a little

last week i was pmsing suuuuuper hard and i spent all of a workday at the office feeling on the edge of tears for no reason and when i finally got home i put on the part of the undertale ost thats like. asgore through last goodbye and genuinely spent the entire time just sobbing my fucking eyes out like FULL ON ugly crying. ouhhh. Undertale

[kit-kat-jo]

WHAT THE FUCCCKKK WHY DID IT END LIKE THAT??? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[blessedcactus]

Day 3 of a pounding migraine...haven't been in class bc ain't no way I'm even trying when my skull is pulsating 😭

[makorragal-312]

Okay...

So the Buck and Chris conversation DEFINITELY didn't go the way I thought it would. Even as a joke.

Excuse me while I go in a corner and cry.

[atramenting]

woke up, had an introspective half hour in which i thought about how my mother tried so hard to stomp my identity out of me, and how she played a direct part in cultivating my self-loathing over everything from my weight to other aspects of my appearance, from my skintone to my eyebrows to the size of my hands and feet.

when i was younger, despite desperately wanting to be a boy, anything masc about me made me hate myself. anything fem ALSO made me hate myself, because it was all "wrong" -- either because it felt that way to me, or because of how my mother acted about it. she would force perm my hair - badly - because she didn't want me to have thick, wavy dark hair. she wanted me to have her perfect thin and bouncy blonde curly hair, otherwise i wasn't "pretty" enough. she would force me to wear earrings - but never the kind i liked. little plastic bright red things so people could see I Was Female even when she'd buzzed off all my hair (the one part of myself that i loved) instead of taking the time to comb the lice out. she would force me to wear makeup to school recitals and stuff - but never would it look good. she'd cake my face in the tones she wore, which were a few shades too dark/tan, use bright red lipstick, line my eyes with blotchy pencil, and if i begged her not to put it on me, she would scream and call me names and hit me and threaten to kill herself.

she would force me to wear "women's clothing" - except she would spend all her money on beer, cigarettes, and other drugs, so all my clothes came from the extended families of whatever boyfriend she had at the time. hand me downs that never quite fit, you know, and her favorites were always the gaudy blouses that only old ladies would wear to church. she'd pick the ugliest ones with lace ruffles and pearl buttons even if they fit me terribly, and i'd be forced to school in them. ill-fitting pants, tits spilling out of my too-small bras (which she also made a point to make fun of, even though i was eleven or twelve), ugly grandma blouses, poorly done makeup jobs in the style from when she was a teenager, and all my hair buzzed off so that people could see those hideous bright red earrings.

she told me, when i was in highschool and finally making friends, that if she ever found out i was gay - because my theater kid friends walked me home one time - that i would never be welcome in her home again. and if i did show up, that she would kill me. i never talked to her about my first heartbreak because she threatened my life over it. i never got to open up about the fact that my freshman year was awful because a junior girl liked me, that we made out one night, that she decided she was annoyed by idk the trivia i knew about anime, and so she -- and consequently anyone in the upper three years in that extended friend group -- suddenly refused to speak to me overnight. i stopped eating lunch or spending time anywhere except the library after school. mom should have been worried.

but i lost a little weight so it was good.

i got a job. i started buying my own clothes. i bought my younger brother's school supplies because mom wouldn't. i got kicked out at sixteen and had to live with the family i babysat for because my younger brother called the police one night when she and her boyfriend were having a drunken argument -- one in which a lamp got broken and my brother, shaking and sobbing and terrified, came into my room and woke me up and told me he called the police about 30 seconds before they knocked on my door -- the back door, because my "bedroom" was originally the back porch. the police waited politely when i told them i had to get dressed. my mother never showed me the same respect.

mom and her bf got arrested, and i disappeared from school. the timing was a little fucked, because there was a boy i liked who had asked me to be his gf and it was a few weeks before homecoming. we'd been on a couple of dates, and then i vanished for a week and a half or so before it was considered safe for me to go back to school. when i got back i told him that i wasn't ready to try dating right now, that there was too much going on with things i didn't want to talk about just yet. i didn't dare tell him i was facing homelessness bc my mother was released and told me i had three days to get out of her house. she refused to accept that the scared 9 year old called the police. she thought i had done it. and blamed me for letting the police in. (the police explained that they were going to have to break down the door because of the domestic violence call. like. did she want them to do that in a rental? haha)

anyway, that guy and his friends all also decided to cut me off, so that was great. even though we'd like. not kissed or anything. he could not fathom what could possibly be going on that i wouldn't want to focus on ~high school romance~. (his mother was the school secretary and SHE knew what had happened. she offered me hugs and was so much help over the next couple of years bc she knew i didn't have parents or legal guardians to help with anything. she was the one i talked to any time i had to call out of school, and she never pressed the matter. she was a real saint.)

oh but also it turns out that that guy had major jealousy issues so i kind of dodged a bullet. he and a good friend wound up dating a year or two after graduation and he got intense and scary and emotionally abusive, so. i guess that worked out for me. anyway.

i was alone except for my two good friends after being cut off from anyone else who shared my interests. one was a year ahead of me, and it turns out that she was also not really a great friend, because she was using her friendship with me as a way to craft great stories for her other friends -- from the group that shunned me as a freshman -- about how i was so depressed that i was going to bring a bomb to school, or how i carried knives in my backpack (years before school entry scanners), or blah blah blah blahhhhh i don't even care anymore. she would up stealing my online identity and making accounts on furaffinity and stuff like that with it... which was kind of noticeable as.... she was the only person irl i'd ever shared my online presence with. hahahha. hah

also i did have knives. they were xacto knives from my art teacher, because scratchboards are the greatest fucking stim thing out there. and i always informed/asked my teachers if it was all right to work on art projects after i finished their assigned work, so they all knew i had them. tiny 1 inch blades. working on cute fuckin drawings of foxes and anime boys. so as you can imagine this is actually funny to me in some way, because even though she was being really malicious, all of my teachers loved me and, well, the "knives" were not an issue.

i got a little off topic there. anyway, what i'm saying is, once i managed to break out of my mother's oppressive management of what i should be, i realized that i was never going to be the pretty princess that she wanted me to be, and that i didn't want to be, anyway, because i was a boy and had always wanted to be a boy. i started buying men's clothes and it changed my life. i started hitting the gym and it was incredible. sure, i'm flabby and out of shape right now, but i have faith that if i pull through just a little longer, i'll be able to get whatever's wrong with me fixed, and i'll be able to start going to the gym again.

i learned that eyeliner can really enhance my face, as long as it's not like what mom forced on me. full racoon eyes on guys is hot. i also learned that makeup can help make me look more masculine -- with the proper contouring, that is, and darkening/shaping my eyebrows. (hell. just doing brow filler helps me look better REGARDLESS. thick eyebrows are so in XOXO) my hair is something that people are jealous of -- not something ugly or hideous that needs to be "fixed". it's a giant fucking mane of silver-streaked brown nowadays, and it's incredible, and i love it even if it's really warm and if sometimes my husband rolls onto it and there is hair on everything everywhere at all times and eternally i am SORRY about the shower it just looks like that now.

i learned that women's pants fit me better with how wide my hips have gotten, as men's pants unfortunately are not crafted for The Belly. but i can still pair them with a t-shirt and sandals and look perfectly fine. pants are just pants tbh. it doesn't make me squirm like it used to when i was forced into anything "feminine".

anyway. what i'm saying is like. you didn't win, mom, and i will always loathe you. i feel sorry for you in a way, but i also understand that your unwillingness to do any self-introspection or to work past your own narcissism is your own fuckin fault. you tried to kill who i was time and time again, and then flipped and tried to boo-hoo your fuckin way out of it the moment i had a community that helped raise me up instead of breaking my spine to fit me into that little perfect princess box.

it's a prince box now and i fit in there without having to hurt myself for your gratification.

[blazefire2012]

I just watched Deadpool and Wolverine and I cried...

Probably not where one would think...

It was the credits :(